#watching this episode brought me both joy and stress **if you know what i mean**

[aprilblossomgirl]

I ruined last night’s date, didn’t I?

ThamePo Heart That Skips a Beat | Ep.09

[littlejazzy]

Hi I am new to age regression but I have a lot of problems with actually letting myself get into the headspace. I don’t have anyone to look after me and I often just bully myself into slipping out of the headspace. Any tips/advice?

Hello there! I've been a regressor for about five years by now, and I haven't had a caregiver ever! So, here's me doing my best to help!

I don't know the exact way you're bullying yourself out of headspace, but I do know some basics.

You have to remember that there's nothing wrong with regression as a way to de-stress and relax. It's not dangerous or harmful to yourself or to others. In fact, it might make you feel safe or happy, which is always a good thing!

To quote a littlespacecadets post:

Going back to your childhood, either as it was or as a way to make up for a lack of one, is perfectly normal. People play games that they had when they were younger because it makes them happy. People watch old episodes of their favorite shows because they remember how much joy it brought them. People color in coloring sheets because it was a way to block out the rest of the world and focus on a single, simple task. People own and cherish stuffed animals and toys that they have never stopped loving. While they may not go back to the extent that you do, they are still, in a way, regressing. Everyone regresses; some people only vaguely, and others, like you and me, a lot more deeply. There’s nothing wrong with this, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

Everyone gets joy from things that they may have "grown out of" at some point or another. Try not to be so hard on yourself!

And if you're bullying yourself because you can't stay in headspace? It's important to always keep in mind that several regressors don't even fully regress all the time.

Like myself!

I don't put any pressure on myself to fully regress, so in the event that it does happen, it's just a pleasant surprise.

What I like to do is watch cartoons, both in headspace and out. So, when I want to regress, I put on a cartoon for my headspace - something like Blue's Clues, Little Bear, Sesame Street, or even Bluey! The important part of these shows is that I like them whether I'm little or big. That means even if I don't happen to regress, I still have a nice time!

Another thing I do is listen to children's music on Spotify! I have a playlist filled with nursery ryhmes, another filled with songs from tv shows and movies, and a couple that has songs that aren't technically specifically for kids but bring me good ~ Little Space Vibes ~. The first two are good for when I'm already in headspace and want to stay there, while the others are particularly good at easing myself closer to headspace.

I just like to listen to music when I color, draw, make regression outfits, and when I play with my toys :)

This littlespacecadets' post is about things that help when regressing alone, all of which I think should help.

Something not listed there, however, are reading stories about regressors and littles! There are tons on AO3, and I loooooove reading them. These are a godsend for me, because while I don't have a caregiver and am perfectly content with that, it is nice to read about getting taken care of, either with a reader-insert or just something that delves into the thoughts of the little character.

I keep tabs on the Non-Sexual Age Play tag, because if someone uses that, then chances are good that the content is non-sexual (not all the time, unfortunately, but it does help narrow things down). Just read the tags and check the rating before clicking on a fic, and you should be fine.

However, it's good to also check up on Age Regression/De-Aging. That tag was intended for fics where a character is physically regressed/de-aged, but over the years it's a mix of that and good ol' classic agere. Some of the physical de-aging stuff is pretty good at helping me feel little, but I guess it can vary person to person.

(fics tagged with both tend to be Safe For Littles, but again, check the tags to make sure!!)

To get the most out of navigating, I'd suggest going through the NSAP tag first, then going through the AR/DA tag with the NSAP tag marked as "excluded" - this will prevent all the fics you just went through from showing up and filling the pages. It'll mostly be physical de-aging stuff, but there are some agere fics hiding in there!

But yeah, fics are really good at helping me personally, so hopefully they'll help you! A bunch are about the littles coming to terms with being little, with can be cathartic in a nice way :)

That's all the tips and advice I've got! Remember to not stress about being in headspace, and just try to have a nice time regardless! That's when I tend to slip down, when I'm not making a big deal about it. Hopefully something here will work for you!

[mammons-sugarbaby]

Can you please write hc about the bois reading mc's diary where they might state somethings (why do they like the bois , their dreams with them , or the nice gestures they do to them)

Sorry this took so long! 

Okay so here’s the platonic version of the bros reading MC’s diary, there will be a romantic, and dirty version as well. Including the undateables (Luke’s obv is platonic only).

I’m putting most of it under a read more bc it’s a lot.

Lucifer ⦁ He'd started giving MC piano lessons after their RAD classes, they'd requested it and he wasn't going to pass up a chance to show off his talents. ⦁ After MC leaves he notices they forgot their things, namely a few schoolbooks and notebooks ⦁ He also notices when he gathers them up that one notebook seems different than the others and opens it to see what it is ⦁ It's a daily journal of their time in the devildom ⦁ He flips through a few more pages and lands on a page that, to his surprise, is about him ⦁ He goes to the beginning and sees where it becomes less about general happenings and more about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Lucifer seems more stressed lately....he played the piano for me once and he seemed really happy then. Maybe I can ask him to teach me to play, but he might see it as another thing on his already full plate. But it would be nice for him to have a break from the usual headaches."

⦁ "I asked him and he agreed! He seemed surprised but also has a small smile! I hope I'm not putting too much on him. "

⦁ "He's been teaching me for a few days now and he always seems much more relaxed and happier during our lessons. I'm happy I found something to get his mind off his stress, he works too much. He's nice deep down, but he has a lot going on that makes him irritated. Still, I'm glad he's my friend."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Lucifer is touched that MC was worried about him

⦁ And also surprised that they noticed his mood while playing the piano, and his reaction to them requesting he teach them to play, he hadn't realized they were so observant.

⦁ When he thought about it, he realized he had been enjoying their lessons, looking forward to them even. MC wasn't a bad student, they actually picked up the basics quickly. 

⦁ He wouldn't tell them he'd read their diary, but he couldn't help but smile he entire time when they joined him for their next lesson

Mammon ⦁ He was looking through MC's stuff to sell for quick grim ⦁ Finds an intricate looking book, it's looks expensive ⦁ He opens it and notices its a scrapbook ⦁ He soon realizes that there a lot of cut outs and pictures of him ⦁ And there are full pages of writing ⦁ Of course he's going to read about what they have to say about him, The Great Mammon!

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Mammon got another multi page spread! He's so cool."

⦁ "Mammon offered me some of the clothes he'd gotten from a recent shoot because his closet was full, they were super expensive brand names! I'm still in shock, I would have thought he'd sell them. They'd probably go for a good bit of grim since they were what he'd wore in the shoot, I mean he's one of the most in-demand models! But he gave them to me instead, I feel silly for being starstruck."

⦁ "I want to buy something to repay him, but he has everything.... If he wants something, he just buys it, so it's hard to get what he'd want that he doesn't already have...Maybe I could make something?"

⦁ "Went shopping today with him and bought the stuff to make his gift, he didn't even notice! I bought him a few things he asked for, I hope he likes my real present..."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He's SHOCKED. Yeah he always boasted about being the greatest, but he hadn't realized MC was an actual fan of his??

⦁ It seems like they had collected pictures from every shoot he'd ever had, and that was saying something.

⦁ He didn't even consider selling the clothes he'd gotten from the shoot that day, he just saw MC admiring them  and rather than try to find room for them, he just let MC have them. He hadn't even thought anything of it, but it made him happy that he'd brought so much joy to MC.

⦁ He wondered what they were making him and tried to think back on their shopping trip, but he'd been too focused on the things he liked, rather than what MC was buying.

⦁ Guilt hit him like a train, he may not have stolen anything, but he's going to buy MC something real nice to make up for trying.

Levi ⦁ He'd gone into MC's room to retrieve some games and manga he'd lent them ⦁ He saw a pile of books near a neat stack of games and assumed they'd left it on their desk for him. ⦁ It wasn't until he got back to his room and was organizing them that he realized he grabbed a book that wasn't his. ⦁ He opened it then quickly shut it after realizing it was their diary. ⦁ He argued with himself to read or not to read, but he saw his name! ⦁ Deciding, he opened the diary again, he just had to know what they were writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "I hung out with Levi today and watched him absolutely obliterate a raid! It seems like he's super high leveled on like, ever game he plays! He even gets me into some of them and helps me level up and get rare items."

⦁ "I don't know if he's joking or not when he calls me his best friend but I feel the same. He's my best friend. Though sometimes I worry he'll get bored of me since I'm not nearly as into gaming as he is. And I worry that some of the games and stuff I like he'd probably say the were such "normie" or "main stream" things...it doesn't mean they're not fun. I try to stick with games he likes to play, because I don't want to lose my best friend. Is that something I should actually worry over?"

⦁ "We were watching a new anime today and one of the characters said something that set him off. He paused it and went on an hour long rant about how out of character it was for them. It may be weird, but I love listening to him going off about things he's passionate about! It's both entertaining, and I get to hear his thought process, usually I end up learning a few things that I had missed while watching. It seems like he never misses anything! I know he'd never in a million years believe me, but I think he's actually really cool and fun to be around."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ His heart is ready to explode, he really did think of MC as his best friend, but he was worried they just went along with it to make him happy. Reading that they thought the same thing, it was scary how alike they were!

⦁ When he got them into a game that he had been playing for a while, he wants them to be able to run raids with him as fast as possible, but he also likes MC's excitement when they complete a particularly difficult quest, because he felt the same way.

⦁ He feels guilty reading that MC thinks he'll get bored of them just because they like games he typically would scoff at, they're right, just because they're mainstream doesn't mean they aren't fun. They became mainstream BECAUSE they were fun. He makes a mental note to find out MC's favorite game. Their actual favorites.

⦁ He blushed because he did have a habit of going off on tangents in the middle of an episode and then not finishing it for the rest of the night. But reading that MC enjoyed his rants, this human really was his best friend, his Henry!

Satan ⦁ MC returned some books he'd lent them ⦁ While putting them away, Satan realized they'd accidentally given him one of their books ⦁ They'd already left though, he opened it to see what the book was about ⦁ It was a thick journal and he realized it was specifically a diary ⦁ And the page he'd opened to was about him ⦁ Intrigued, he sat down and flipped to the first page.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I asked Satan if he had any books about devildom fauna and asked him since there was no sun in the devildom, what did the flowers use as a food source. He had a few books and was nice enough to sit down with me and go over the material. He asked why I wanted to know and I explained I wanted to try growing something."

⦁ "Satan saved me from failing the test today! If he hadn't suggested we study together, I wouldn't have realized I had studied the wrong thing! At first he seemed annoyed but when I apologized he asked 'For what' and I said for bothering him, I felt bad because we'd have to waste time studying something I should already have had a good grasp on. He seemed surprised and explained he wasn't mad, things happen. He told me that at least when the time came to test for what I accidentally studied, I'd be more prepared. After all knowledge is power. I'm glad he's patient with me."

⦁ "Satan showed me some of his favorite books today. A lot of them were books about curses and hexes and the like, but it made him laugh. He was so excited to try some of the new curses he'd learned on Lucifer. It shows a different side to him, a more playful side. Dangerous, but still playful. Hopefully he'll never try to prank me with a curse haha!

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He remembered MC asking about local fauna and how things worked here in the devildom. He had almost laughed because things like that were basic knowledge, but he remembered that in the human realm, the sun was essential for most fauna growth. He admired MC for trying to learn new things and put that knowledge to use.

⦁ Satan smiled at MC remembering the phrase he had told them a few times. He'd been surprised when MC had opened to the wrong chapter to start studying, and the look of shock on their face when he told them, he felt bad. Nonetheless, this was a chance to see just how much he understood the reference material, now that he'd have to thoroughly explain so that they understood. He enjoyed his time with them and he was glad that their hard work paid off.

⦁ He hadn't realized how much he held back when around his brothers and MC, but he felt comfortable around MC, like they understood him. He felt like he could let down his guard a little with them, and he was glad to read they took his interests in curses and pranks in good humor. He might have to prank MC soon....nothing dangerous or over the top, but he wanted to tease them a bit.

Asmo ⦁ He went into MC's room to show off some new beauty products he'd bought ⦁ They weren't in their room, so he texted them, they replied they'd be there shortly ⦁ he takes a seat on their bed and notices a notebook on their nightstand ⦁ He opens it and sees it's their diary ⦁ And more importantly, they're writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Ugh, I had such a rough day today! I'm glad I ran into Asmo on my way back to my room. He wanted me to come with him and try some new stuff he got that was supposed to help with fatigue. At first I refused because I just wanted to lay down, but  he wouldn't take no for an answer and eventually he wore me down and practically dragged me to his room. He was right, the products he used really did make me feel more energetic!"

⦁ "I ran into Asmo in town today, he was on his way to majolish. I joked with him that he owned every item of clothing in the store and he told me that's why he was going to buy me clothes! Once again I found myself dragged along with him. I feel like I need to just start going with things when it comes to him, it always ends up for the better. I feel bad that he spent so much grim, but he kept finding clothes that I 'Absolutely had to have!!!' he does have a good sense for my style at least."

⦁ "Today I went to Asmo's room, I was feeling down and it seemed like spending time with him always cheered me up. At first he seemed annoyed to be interrupted, but as soon as he saw it was be he perked up and pulled me inside his room. He asked why I looked so down in the presence of someone as beautiful and him and I had to laugh. I told him a little bit of what was on my mind, and it didn't seem like he was listening, just going about his beauty ritual. But after I had stopped talking he started giving advice on the more important things I had complained about. He's a great listener, I'm really happy he's my friend, even if he keeps trying to get in my pants! Though at this point I think it's just habit because he doesn't seem as pushy as he did at first.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Asmo recalled when MC was more resistant towards him, to be fair though they needed a good spa day! A lot! And now that he had read that they were thankful for his impromptu self care sessions, he was going to make actual plans for spa days with MC. They'd thank him in the future.

⦁ To be fair, he was glad he ran into MC while on his way to majolish. He knew MC's size, but wasn't entirely sure about what they liked personally. He knew what he thought they would look good in, but when they had started trying on clothes, he quickly noted what they seemed uncomfortable in, and what they actually seemed to like. An outfit may look cute, but if the person wearing it looks like they'd rather be wearing anything else, then it defeated the purpose! Eventually Asmo tuned into the styles and materials MC liked and went from there. He didn't even spend half as much as he usually did, so he found it funny that MC was worried over the total price of their new wardrobe.

⦁ He remembered the night MC came to his room, they had indeed interrupted him in the middle of his usual nighttime ritual, but as soon as he saw the look on their face he had to pull them in. He listened to MC pour their heart out while he went about his routine and when they stopped talking he assumed they were done and started giving them pointers. When he looked back to them, they look surprised. It confused him at the time, but now he understood it was because they thought he wasn't listening. He was always listening darling! It's how he knows so much. 

⦁ He also hadn't realized that it had in fact, become more of a habit to flirt with MC, than to actually try to get somewhere with them. He didn't know how to feel about it.

Beel ⦁ To be fair, MC told him he could borrow their study notes, but didn't tell him where in their room they left the notebook ⦁ He sees what he assumes is the notebook on their bed and grabs it and heads to his room ⦁ Once he gets settled, he opens it and reads half the page before it clicks that these are definitely not study notes ⦁ This is their diary, and they were writing about him ⦁ He shuts it so fast, super embarrassed, but he can't stop thinking about what he'd read ⦁ Guilty, he opens it to read more

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I forgot my wallet today so I couldn't buy lunch, but on my way back to the classroom I ran into Beel. He was actually looking for me so we could have lunch together! He even grabbed my favorite foods. I don't think I've mentioned my favorites though...how did he know??"

⦁ "I had a major leg cramp today while walking with Beel today. After sitting down he asked if he could massage it to help. I agreed and it hurt so much at first!! He kept reassuring me through it though and after a while it stopped hurting. He told me I probably needed to drink more water and get some potassium. He also suggested I join him for his stretch warm ups to avoid cramps in the future. I had no clue he knew so much!"

⦁ "Beel is always so supportive and nice, he always makes my day brighter! I'm really glad to have him as a friend, a best friend even. Going to watch him at practice today, I'll make sure to bring his favorite snacks!"

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC had left their wallet that day, he just remembered how they looked so down, and then when he asked them to eat with him at lunch, and gave them their food, their face lit up. He wondered if that was how he looked when MC gave him his favorite snacks. It wasn't hard for him to tell when MC really liked something, they had an excited expression every time they saw certain food, was it usually a hard thing to notice?

⦁ Beel remembered that day, how MC practically dropped to the ground clutching their leg. They told him it was a cramp and as soon as it stopped hurting so much, they could just walk it off. He scoffed at the memory, but was glad he taught MC something, and they had been joining him for his warm-up stretches since.

⦁ He was touched, he definitely saw MC as a close friend, they were his second favorite person, after his twin of course. He was glad he could make their day brighter, and felt guilty again because he was reading their diary. ⦁ He'd admit what he'd done later and apologize, hopefully MC wouldn't be too angry...

Belphie ⦁ MC texts him asking if he could bring their notebooks they forgot ⦁ They were having a study session but it turned into a nap session instead ⦁ He opens one of the notebooks to quickly scan over the notes they were supposed to study ⦁ These are not school related ⦁ This is their diary, and whats more, there's a lot about him in it ⦁ A wicked grin spreads across his face and he settles in to read what MC had to say about him.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Oof today Belphie made me laugh so hard I could barely breath today! I had tears and everything. He was doing impersonations of his brothers and when he did Lucifer, I lost it! Even aside from that he has a great sense of humor."

⦁ "I forgot it was may day to cook and took a 3 hour nap. Luckily Belphie covered for me and came to wake me up when dinner was ready. I owe him big time, which owing Belphie something....is a scary thought. I'm sure it'll be fine though!"

⦁ "Lucifer was running me ragged today! on top of homework he was making me help him with his paperwork! Belphie saw me on my way back to Lucifer's office and grabbed me and told me I was going to take a nap with him since I looked like I was about to drop anyway. I tried to argue, but as soon as Belphie tossed me onto the pile of pillows and blankets, honestly I'm pretty sure I just passed out. I had to hear it from Lucifer later on, but Belphie made me laugh after so all in all it was worth it.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC thought he was actually funny, he thought they were laughing to make him feel better, but he remembered them near pissing themself when he mocked Lucifer and grinned. 

⦁ Belphie went to remind MC it was cooking duty but saw they were asleep. He knew what it was like to be woken up from a nap, so he just figured they could return the favor later on. It was funny to him that they thought he would have something insidious in mind for repayment. He might have to think of something besides covering for him for cooking duty...

⦁ He remembered vividly seeing MC's haggard face and realized they were heading to Lucifer's office. They looked dead on their feet so he grabbed them up. Part of it was and excuse to nap with them, the other was to piss off Lucifer. And maybe a little bit of pity for them. He had listened in on some of Lucifer's lecture to MC, and had a lot of new material to mock him about that he wanted to share with MC.

⦁ He was going to tease them so much about carrying their diary around and leaving it for whoever to read.

[biteghost]

How do you come up with so many cool characters?? All of your OCs seem so vibrant and fleshed out. Do you have a specific process for developing them, or do they just kinda come to you mostly formed? I find I struggle with building a compelling OCs for D&D games & would love to hear your thoughts on character development.

(This answer got long, sorry.) This is a super nice sentiment, I’m happy you think my characters are all cool and unique!!

As far as process goes, uh, it depends on the character? I’ve spent a long time (years) rewiring my brain when it comes to what I think about when creating OCs. They don’t usually come to me fully formed - I get an idea in my head about a concept, and then over like a week or even months of fiddling I end up with a character for that concept.

A lot of the time my characters are simply people I wanted to see more of in media as a kid! Mostly, female characters I actually relate to or are as nuanced and messy as their male cast members, haha... (It was a trip when I realized in high school that I didn’t hate female characters - it was actually that none of them were written as well as the cool boys in the anime series I liked, haha! Be the change you want to see in the world, basically.)

Inspiration for characters (and stories for them to be part of) come from a lot of places. An easy piece of advice is to make an effort to intake media you like! Read new comics, watch new movies and television shows, read books, play video games, listen to music and obsessively memorize the lyrics - hell, obsessively learn everything there is to know about black holes or public domain characters (that’s what I did, lol...)!

(Note: ’New’ meaning new to YOU - you don’t need to only be partaking of media that’s created in 2021 - you can find a lot to love in media that was created before your time, or for generations before you!)

I must reiterate: intake new media that you ENJOY! You don’t have to like all the same things as everyone else, you don’t have to be invested in the same shows and podcasts as your friends. Varied interests and taste is part of what makes us all unique! Increasing your pool of inspiration will help you come up with interesting ideas, and help you find YOUR voice. Your particular interests and the niche things that speak to you will help you figure out what kind of characters and what kind of stories you like to create! But the process doesn’t end at just intaking media... When you find the stuff that brings you joy, analyze what exactly it is about that thing that speaks to you... Put it into words. Explain it to a friend. Make it tangible, analyze the feelings and why the series made you feel that way... and then take it and shove it into your own stories, lol!

Engage critically and thoughtfully with work you like, with characters you like, and it will help you have the language and thought process to recreate it in your own work!

My creative process is like an exquisite corpse of all the characters and series I’ve liked over my lifetime. I mesh them all together in a grim blender and what comes out is a shake in the vague shape as an OC, lol

BUT... it seems like you’re asking more specifically about making characters for tabletop roleplaying games like D&D? And THAT is a different process for me than making OCs for my comics or original story ideas!

I don’t usually join a tabletop game with a fully fleshed out character, actually?? I don’t spend a long time on their backstory, and I usually figure it out like halfway through the story, or through collaboration with my game master!

My TTRPG characters are usually whatever I think would be most interesting in the given game setting or set-up and... usually they exist in opposition to whatever the core concept of the game is. So, the examples I have from games I’ve played are:

In Cardians: West (World of Darkness: Hunter the Vigil): we played in a modern-day urban fantasy setting, where players were recruited into a supernatural Hunter group that was also a criminal organization that Did Crimes and Broke The Law in the name of keeping peace and protecting humanity from the supernatural creatures that go bump in the night. I played Andrew, a Lawful Good Police Detective, because I thought playing a character who would need to grow past his original ideals of ‘Right and Wrong’ in the name of the greater good would be interesting! (And it was!)

In SINNING ADVENTURE (WoD: Geist: The Sin-Eaters) we payed in a modern-day urban fantasy setting with the premise that the players all Died and were brought back to life by forming a pact with a powerful spirit (and getting cool ghost powers in the process!) I played Cassius, a character who could not cope with his death, and thus refused to use his new powers because they were evidence that he was no longer strictly human. It caused conflict in the group and world, but I thought it would be interesting! (And it was! Cassius was a Bitch.)

In Rex Machina (Dungeons and Dragons 5E), I wanted to play an Aarakocra, but was having a hard time deciding on a class or backstory... until I found out that in the ‘canon’ of D&D Aarakocra only live to be like, mid 20s???? Their lifespans are insanely short compared to other playable races!! And I thought that was stupid, so I decided to make MY Aarakocra, Izzy, a warlock that’s looking for ways to extend his own stupidly short life. His pact essentially granted that to him, giving him extra time to find a way to achieve True Immortality. His conflict challenges what’s ‘true’ living in this world, and his extended life is in direct conflict with a lot of forces in the world we play in, and while it is very stressful I think it’s really interesting to play!

In Lamplighting (Monster of the Week), my character Aicen is an assassin who made a deal with a demon and gained supernatural perks out of it... except I decided that she doesn’t WANT to be in this deal. She is actively trying to undo it because it wasn’t her deal - she inherited it from a CEO that she killed during an unrelated job. (Aicen is probably my character I’ve put the most backstory into, and that’s just because at character creation in MOTW you are given a lot of questions about who your character is and why they’re where they are!)

In Hand of Adam (WoD: HtV), the concept was that all players were going to join a post-apocalyptic supernatural-hating cult. I played Shouter, who was a self-preserving pacifist coward who also turned out to be a fae (which the cult would have killed him over). It was stressful but very fun. I love Shouter. He ran away from fights and didn’t actually kill anyone until the last episode where they fought God (whom he killed, lol).

NOW. THESE ARE ALL JUST EXAMPLES OF HOW *I* LIKE TO PLAY CHARACTERS!! For me personally, I enjoy playing a character who has built-in conflict either with the world, the story, or the other players. I’m only able to play characters like this because my friend group are all really cool and we all know that conflict is not bad - it’s fiction and we’re just roleplaying! If I didn’t trust my GMs and fellow players as much as I do, I probably wouldn’t have felt comfortable enough playing some of these concepts.

I don’t think you need to know every little thing about a tabletop character, and in fact, not knowing some things and leaving it up to the GM and story to flesh out is an easy way to help you get more invested in both your character AND the story your GM is telling! Tabletops are a collaborative storytelling experience, so if you’ve already plotted out your character’s whole story, there won’t be much participation from other players or your GM. Figure out what your character wants, and let your roleplaying and GM slowly put all the other pieces in place over the course of your campaign!

But the TL:DR about how I make tabletop OCs is that I just... try to give them a goal, an ideal, or a personality that is in direct conflict with some aspect of the game we’re playing. I don’t want the character to be undermining the whole game, because that’s really crappy to do to your GM, but I have to have something for my character to grow through or change. I like giving them built-in character arc starters, lol. I haven’t played a game where my character has gotten along with every other player character and NPC over the entire campaign since my very FIRST game, lol!

Also, if you’re having trouble, why not ask your GM what they think? Again, tabletops are collaborative! Don’t be afraid to talk ideas out with your GM for your character.

A final note about playing in specifically oneshot games (i.e. games that are not long campaigns but are meant to be played in one or two sittings). Personally, I always just retrofit an OC I already have to play in oneshots! When I make a new character for a long campaign, it usually takes me two or three sessions to find their voice and figure out how to roleplay them. If the game you’re playing is only one session, I find it easier to jump right in and get the most out of your character and the game when you’re playing a character you already know pretty well! I’ve played characters from my webcomic quite a few times, and it’s always a lot more fun for me than figuring out a new character on the fly!

SO UH, IN CONCLUSION... sorry if this is mad unhelpfu!! My personal processes are unique to me! but that's the point - no one person will have the exact answer that works for you! You have to keep trying until you figure it out for yourself! Good luck! Keep creating! <3

[dxrksong]

Shattered Glass chapter 4

Y/N meets some familiar faces and spends some time with some old friends

------------

Morning came and you woke up with a yawn, honestly having a better night of sleep than last time. 

You sat up and paused once you saw the Jims passed out on your floor

Y/N: Jims? What are you doing here?

You got up, kneeling by them and proceeding to shake them awake

Y/M: Jiiiim!

CameraJim: noooo. I don't wanna get up!

Y/N: well too bad, you're in MY room on the floor so get up!

CameraJim moved to yawn before both of the Jims realized what was going on and hopped up onto their feet

MicJim: A-Apologizes MirrorJim!! We ran in here to hide from StaticJim and ended up falling asleep!

Well that explains SOME things

Y/N: wait running from Dark? What did you do?

The Jims looked at each other

CameraJim: Just told StaticJim where Jims found MirrorJim.

Y/N: oh geez…...did they corner you?

CameraJim nodded as MicJim lowered his head

MicJim: sorry MirrorJim, we couldn't stay quiet for long. 

You sighed and smiled slightly

Y/N: it's ok. I suppose they'd find out eventually. 

Doesn't make your life easier though. After your little episode yesterday, you wouldn't be surprised if everyone would start acting strangely around you now.

Y/N: don't suppose you two'd wanna-

A knock on the door interrupted you. The Jims froze as you turned to face the door. 

Y/N: who is it?

Wil: It's just me, can I come in?

Wil said, already opening the door and walking in

Y/N: well I can't say so since you knocke-

Wil: GREAT!!! WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!!!

Wil said, grabbing you with one arm and the Jims on the other

CameraJim: Oooooo!! An adventure! 

MicJim: where to PinkJim? 

Wil: to the town!! I have some errands to run and I thought who else but my favorite partners in crime to come with?!

You shrugged 

Y/N: better than staying here!

Honestly you'd take any chance to avoid the others at the moment. 

Especially Mark. 

The twins cheered, CameraJim saying something about a real treat before the next thing you knew, Wil had warped you all in front of a diner

Wil: but first, breakfast! I know you three haven't eaten yet and that's a big no no when going on errands! 

You looked up at the place's sign. It looked to be a normal family run diner. The four of you entered the diner, some people giving you and your friends weird looks but no one seemed bothered as you all sat down. 

Wil and MicJim were sitting in front of you as you sat next to CameraJim, his camera still filming even though nothing was happening. 

You looked over the menu and when the waitress cane by you all gave your orders, Wil's of course going overboard. You watched the poor waitress leave before turning back to your friend's. 

Y/N: so what kind of errands are we running? 

Wil: hmm well.

Wilford brought out an old broken pocket watch

Wil: we still got a few hours after this! How about we go on a joy ride in the town?!

You stared a glance with the Jims before the three of you broke out in excited cheering. This answered nothing.

But Might as well right?

-----------

As you and your friends were leaving the diner, the Jims paying for the breakfast shockingly, you couldn't help but ask

Y/N: s-so. About last night…...i-is anyone-

Wil: oh yeah!! You completely missed the announcement!! We're supposed to be getting new ego's today! Oh Mark dropped the bomb on us this time, we almost panicked until Mark said they'd be coming in with their own rooms set up for them! 

You looked at Wil bewilderedly 

Y/N: wonder what that mean?

CameraJim: maybe they're bringing fully furnished rooms with them?

MicJim: or they're going to MAKE their own rooms?

Wil: well whatever it is, at least I'm not on decoration duty again! I was banned from doing so after the first time!! 

That honestly didn't surprise you as you laughed. 

Y/N: alright, since I'm planning on avoiding the manor for a while, why don't we go to the mall?!

CameraJim: THE MALL?!

MicJim: THE MALL?!

CameraJim: we've never been to the mall before!! 

Y/N: gee, I wonder why. 

That came out more sarcastic than you meant it to.

Wil: Dark told us to stay away?

Y/N: sounds about right! Let's go anyway!

CameraJim: won't we get in trouble? 

Y/N: well then, if you're too scared I'll just go by myself-

Wil: BLASPHEMY!! 

you had started walking away from the group when all of a sudden Wil was suddenly beside you, wrapping his arm around you.

Wil: No man gets left behind, even if said man WANTS to be left behind!! 

Jims: YEAH!!!

and that's how you managed to wonder into a mall with two reporters and a mentally unstable man at your side. 

You four actually ended up waiting time until around noon, you buying some things that caught your eye as the Jims distracted themselves with some of the jewelry stores and Wil with asking people random questions.

You were in the food court when things started to go down. You had grabbed a smoothie when you heard shouting down the shopping way and you looked to see Wil was being forced out of the mall by a couple of cops. 

At the same time more shouting broke out as the Jims were being more or less tossed out another store. 

You sighed, guess it's time to leave the mall. Smoothie in one hand, you grabbed both of the Jim's collars with the other before starting to drag them outside the mall as Wil was being forced out not too far behind you three. 

Once outside you spotted a black car waiting outside the doors with a familiar driver. 

Dark….of course. 

Not really questioning it, you and the Jims got in the car, Wil following suit, having warped into the car and leaving the cops confused and shocked before the car sped away. 

The silence along the way home was deafening and the longer you sat in it, the less you liked it. You could handle yelling, screaming even for breaking a rule like this. But the silence…..it was a thousand times worse than any shouting matches. Not even Dark's aura made any noise.

It was as if the silence ate you alive

Someone…..say something 

Someone

SOMEONE

LET ME OUT!!!

Y/N: ……….You're….mad at us...right? 

You're mad at ME right?

Dark looked into the rear view mirror and sighed.

Dark: originally. I would be. But after the disaster last night and the whole "new egos" situation going on right now. I can't say I was surprised to find you didn't show up for breakfast. 

CameraJim: so does that mean Jims are off the hook?

Dark: not entirely…..but yes. Just this once! 

You sighed. That was a small relief off your mind. Dark seemed stressed as hell and the others seemed tense. 

Well except for Wil, who seems to have busied himself with snooping through the things you had gotten while shopping. 

Wil suddenly lifted his head out of the bags, a pair of rose tinted, pink flamingo framed sunglasses in his hands. 

Wil: now where on earth did you find this?! 

He said, putting them on. You rolled your eyes playfully

Y/N: in one of those teenager stores, the one with pretty much everything.

CameraJim: you mean the one we were in?

Y/N: yeah, that one! 

To be truthfully honest you mostly got clothes for yourself, wanting to expand your wardrobe. But you also got some things for most of the ego's, the sunglasses being one of them. 

As you pulled up to the manor, you didn't see anything different like you expected. They just be too busy with decorating the inside. 

Dark: the new ego's will be here around dinner time. And as much as I'd hate asking, I'd like your help with setting things up.

All you did was nod and The first thing you did was head to your room to drop off your stuff before coming back downstairs to try and see what you could do to help. 

At first it seemed everyone was busy and needed no help. Until you spotted Mark. 

Oh of freaking course!

He seemed to be struggling with some of the streamers and you sighed internally as you went over and easily set them up. 

Mark: thanks! Oh! Y/N! I-I-I-

Y/N: before you start acting like nothing had happened I'd like to make a point across. 

You turned to face Mark who suddenly quieted down, nodding in a motion for you to continue. 

Y/N: I don't like you, like at all. In fact I can hardly trust you to do anything without making a disaster out of it. The same could be said for Dark. HOWEVER. 

You turned and looked to see Dark organizing the ego's and helping around the set up, Mark following your gaze

Y/N: unlike a certain somebody that has yet to do so, he had the decency to apologize to my face, weither he meant it or not. 

You looked back to Mark who seemed to catch on what you were saying. 

Mark: y-you're right. I'm so sorry Y/N! Please, believe me when I say I didn't mean to drag you down this rabbit hole along with the rest of us. 

Y/N: doesn't excuse what you did. But, I appreciate the apology. I still don't want to be left alone with you, but it's a start. 

Mark: I'm…….flattered?

Y/N: don't let your head get too big. 

You finished with the streamers and turned to walk away. It's a bit of a shame that you had to spell it out for him. 

-----------

Part 1

[buddha-in-disguise]

This is how it's done

Episode 5.15 at last.

While the emphasis has been on Nia's story in this episode, the synopsis made it clear Alex, Kelly and J'onn had a secondary storyline running as well. So again we were eager to watch knowing they were finally getting more than a token few minutes together.

Did it deliver?

Oh hell yes.

You just have to look on Twitter to see the praise being heaped on it by fans.

But first let's get the elephant in the room out of the way. William.

The opening sequence as Kara is fighting with Nia, and Nia has to be the one reminding Kara she has a date? Already covered by me and others, but to reiterate: that does not give a vibe of someone excited to be going on a first date. You can't even use the excuse of her mind was on the fight, because so was Nia's.

As to Kara at her apartment with Alex prior to the date?

Those words, "Cancel it for me."

Lets say (for arguments sake) it is nerves again speaking. Maybe it is, but that she is even having those thoughts? That she completely forgot about the 1st date, and needed reminding? If Kara can't get invested in the date, how are the audience expected to become invested?

As for the date itself. Kara arrives.... having been told by Alex to wear the blue top because .... well reasons .... and she is wearing the purple? So, not wanting to go with the best look then?

I didn't mind the date per se, although I did wonder if Kara was simply trying to not show pool skills, because I can't believe for a second, with Alex as a sister, and the control Kara now has on her powers (worry over lack of control would be the only other reason for her hesitation that I can think of), Kara hasn't been pulled into playing many times.

Did I get a date vibe? No. I felt more bonding yes (like why has it taken until now to even vaguely have that much), but date? Nope. Still not feeling it. If any of the above was a one off instance, you could shrug it off. But all of them? Sorry but as I say, if Kara isn't that invested in a first date, then we can't be expected to be as invested. However, that isn't to say that William annoyed me. In truth having him more on the sidelines was a relief as it finally allowed others to get some much needed screen time.

The Nia storyline.

This is obviously one extremely close to me, as my husband is transgender, and we have other family who are also transgender.

Nicole's input was definitely felt. Some of the lines she spoke were ones we have said ourselves almost word for word.

This is a topic that is one I've been extremely vocal about, and one in particular I have spoken about (in the William and Kara at CatCo scene) is the figures for transgender people killed in the last year alone in the USA, but more importantly that this number is likely not a true representation as many who die are misgendered after death.

It was so important to show just how bad for the transgender community it is. And no, it wouldn't necessarily be a fact Kara would know. Even those in the LGBTQ community aren't always aware of these figures. As for William being the one stating the figures back to Kara, again in the context I had no qualms about it. In fact having a CIS straight man write the piece and be a supportive ally is an important message in it's own right. I was worried that wouldn't come across, but I felt it did.

If ever there was a line that spoke volumes in this weeks Supergirl episode it was this:

"They want us to be invisible because of their own fears, they want to erase us so...... we need to shine even brighter." - Nia Nal

And shine Nicole Maines (and Roxy Wood, because the additional line about being a Black transgender woman - take my heart, stomp over it, then expect me to function), did. Both deserve so much praise on the way they delivered their performances.

I genuinely cried at some of this weeks episode, because the experiences have been ones we have faced as a transgender household. Being white does afford us a privilege that Black transgender people (especially the women) don't have. But as I say, it has been something I've been vocal about for a long time.

Lastly Kara and Nia on the balcony. Holy mother of god (or goddess), tears. Again. Nicole and Melissa once again were so good it felt like a punch to the gut. Kara wiping that tear off Nia's cheek. Big ugly sobbing from me. Gah! Just ....

Now Alex and Kelly. While I'm still craving a nice intimate atmosphere at home with them, having had so little of Dansen (and Kelly) it was a relief that for once Kelly wasn't given diminished screentime. Not only that, she was instrumental in helping Alex navigate through the VR world.

Alex having that PTSD flashback to being in the tank. Whoa, finally acknowledging it affected her and obviously still does. I loved how Kelly is so good at helping Alex maintain her equilibrium. You could tell it wasn't just because of her training or profession, but as a girlfriend who knows and understands how to communicate to Alex in that moment of stress, much like Alex was able to realise Malefic was manifesting as Kelly in the earlier part of the season, simply because she knew her girlfriend well enough.

Watching Alex train to get used to the Martian weapon, felt very reminiscent of S1 where Alex was training Kara early on. It was good to see her off balance for once in her training, as she has always shown a confidence in her ability until now. For those who complain she brought up wanting to be back at the DEO, as someone who has heavy military presence in our family (for at least 4 generations on my maternal side), I can safely say, going from military (and remember the DEO is recognised and spoken about in canon as being a military operation), and suddenly and unexpectedly thrown back into civilian life is one heck of an adjustment. It's an adjustment for most even when they know it's coming. To be so abrupt, so unexpected? Alex is going to want that structure back, and have that support around her. It is absolutely not unrealistic for her to feel this way or to talk about it. I would've been more surprised if she hadn't.

"And this is my gun."

Alex giving no crap. The whole rescue sequence was a joy to watch.

If I had a complaint, as I mentioned, I would've loved just a moment of real quiet intimacy between Kelly and Alex. We've barely seen anything of that sort. I hope we get something next episode (which also looks amazing from the trailer).

I could go through the episode and pick up so many times on how good it was. It was so much, I know I will have forgotten something I wanted to say. But I'm exhausted (almost no sleep will do that to you, damn being in the UK and these stupid o'clock viewing times), and it was so much to unpack.

Brainy, was barely in the episode but damn, so lovely (& heartbreaking) to see him give the information to the NCPD to help against transphobic attacks.

Onto a side plot, but finally we have more about Leviathan.

Leviathan have those bodies suspended.

What if William dies in 5.19 and becomes one of those suspended bodies for 5.20 or was supposed to, as Nicole mentioned on her Instagram story they still had scenes to film, and a couple were pretty amazing? With Staz back, would it have involved him, possibly as a sleeper agent? I've touted this idea before. While I would prefer that a MOC isn't cast into being a bad guy again, or killed off, I would more than happily see him simply go back to London and The Times. But I guess we wait to see what happens there.

But if, like Russell in 5a, he becomes an unwitting agent of Leviathan & a bad guy, cue fight scene, possibly in a VR setting? Maybe? Who knows.

Last but by no means least - they killed off Jeremiah. Since we're not entirely sure if Cadmus operated in the same way on Earth Prime as they did on Earth 38, we don't yet know the circumstances behind his death.

Will we get more explanation about it? Honestly I'm not overly bothered unless it helps serve a current storyline. Merely because episode numbers are running out, and it does at least bring us closure on his character one way or another. Something a lot of us have questioned for so long now.

As for complaints, the only ones expressing any real disappointment have been fans who have either regularly attacked other fans (especially those of in the SC or Dansen fandoms), or the outright transphobic users (I won't call them fans), who as the episode makes clear, are everywhere. The transphobes come out in force everytime with Nicole, so it isn't a surprise to see them again. As Nia says, it what transgender people face on a daily basis.

Plus with no Lena in the episode, it helps show that fans didn't need a Lena/Kara centric episode for this to garner such positive reactions, particularly from the LGBTQ fans. In some ways, as many have been saying (yes even SC fans), this Lena drama has long since gone by its sell by date and not having Lena once more stuck in her laboratory wasn't missed. And god, I say this as a huge Lena fan. I still want her on screen of course, but we need progression on what is happening with her. Both Lex and Lena have felt stale of late, and while I know it changes as we get into the last few episodes, I can truly say neither was missed this time. And before anyone jumps in, no this isn't bashing SC (I still ship both Dansen and SC, as well as Brainia), or saying SC shouldn't happen, or Lena is evil, or not needed. I don't think that at all. I merely am getting tired of a merry-go-round on Lena in her laboratory that we've had of late, & the only interaction has been with Lex. Time to break her out of that cell!

I don’t know what they were putting in the water in Vancouver when they did the Batwoman and Supergirl episodes this week, but they both had me simultaneously laughing & crying! It looked ugly for a minute there.

Both were outstanding episodes.

As much as I've had my criticism over some of this season, when Supergirl get it right like they did here, they soar! This was one of my top episodes for the entire series.

And despite all the news in the world right now, Supergirl trended on Twitter again.

Gif courtesy of @ Daily_danvers on Twitter.

[starrywonn]

cafe latte

not requested

a/n: a purely self indulgent barista jisung au bc i was STRESSED and i was watching re-feel and a LOT of cafe videos

pairing: barista! han jisung x baker! reader

genre: fluff

scenario type: bulletpoint

word count: 1.9k

warnings: none

jisung was a barista at the nineteen cafe

honestly speaking, he didn’t even plan on working here

he helped his friend, chan, once because he was bored of waiting for him and somehow, he got dragged into working at the cafe

he wasn’t complaining though

i mean he got some pretty amazing coffee, unlike the acrid, watered down liquid the uni cafeteria served

and he got to hang out with his friends who also worked there

so jisung was a real winner here

until the cafe’s main baker, woojin leaves the shop

jisung was almost bawling when he announced it

jisung: does this mean i’ll never get to eat any of your chocolate croissants anymore??? T^T

woojin: if you keep this up, i’ll bring chocolate croissants for everyone but u

jisung: nOOOOO i’m sorry :“”“”“” i love u please…. not my croissants…..

honestly, at that point, woojin wasn’t even sure if jisung loved him or his pastries more

but woojin still had to leave and they had to find a replacement asap

recruitment posters were put up all over the campus

baker needed! nineteen cafe @ jyp university. walk-in interview

so when you, a broke university student, see it, you thank the heavens

you baked pretty often and your creations weren’t too bad if you said so yourself :]]

plus the cafe was on campus grounds so it’s definitely worth a shot

you stand outside the cafe and your legs turn to jelly

“come on y/n!! it’s just an interview!! you have to do this or you’ll spend the rest of your life broke!!!!!” you whisper scream to yourself

you finally make your way in and look around the cafe

soft acoustic music is accompanied by the chatter of patrons and the clinking of cups on ceramic saucers

a well-built man dressed in a white button up and black pants tends to the cash register

there’s no one ordering anything so you scutter up to the counter

“hi, uh, i’m here for the interview?”

“ok hold on,” the man turns around, “channnn, there’s someone here for the interviewww”

a blond walks out of the kitchen, covered in flour

“hey, i’m chan. the manager here. i’m gonna make this quick since i have to continue to try and make brownies,” he dusts his hands on his apron and gestures to an empty table in the cafe

“what’s your name?”

you stutter out your name and he scribbles it in a notebook he takes out from his pocket

“alright, y/n, how long have you been baking for?”

“about six years”

he scribbles again

after that, the interview is a blur from your sheer nervousness

“ok, this is the last bit. can you make a batch of brownies? we have to gauge your abilities”

you follow him to the kitchen

“wait, weren’t you trying to make them just now?”

chan ignores your question

“if you need anything, just call me!!”

and with that, he strides out of the kitchen

oh, wow, okay, so this was happening now

you put on the apron on the counter and pull out all the ingredients and utensils

it’s like something takes over you

your hands move on their own and it truly is a beautiful sight :“))))

jisung walks into the back to get ready for his shift but to get there, he has to get past the kitchen

the smell of chocolate wafts into his nose

he pauses

this was the best thing he’s ever smelt

"god? is that you?” jisung whispers

you snort, “yeah but you can call me y/n”

jisung freezes up and his eyes widen

“holy shit. cool. gotta go. uh, bye.”

jisung runs out and almost slams into chan

“woah woah woah, what’s got you so jittery??” chan asks

“nothing BYE”

jisung bolts for the cashier, “ changbin, i’m here!!!! you can go nOw”

changbin, although very confused, leaves

it’s about a little into jisung’s shift when you come out to call chan

in your hands are a tray of the freshly baked brownies

you offer one to chan and he almost cries from joy

“this …. is absolutely amazing….”

he passes one to jisung who is still shaking on the inside

jisung bites a corner off the chocolatey treat

he almost swears that his soul leaves his body because it was THAT good

he gives you a thumbs up and a big smile

chan offers your brownies to a few others who all give great responses, making your confidence shoot up

“okay, y/n, we’ll send you an email if you’re accepted,” chan says

“ok, thanks”

you leave the store and celebrate

that went way better than you had expected

all you have to do now is to wait

that can’t be that hard right?

oh but it was

every notification from your phone and laptop made you leap from your chair

it’s two days later when you get the email

dear y/n, we are pleased to announce that you have been hired as nineteen cafe’s new baker. please come to the cafe tomorrow for your first day. thank you.

*cue celebration pt.2*

the next morning, you bust into the bakery, ready to kick some butt

the cafe is empty, save for chan and changbin setting up

the early morning light pours into the cafe through its ceiling-to-floor windows

chan notices you and hands you a slip of paper with all the stuff to be made

“there’s a file of recipes in the kitchen. it’s on the shelf above the bowls”

you thank him and look through the list

strawberry shortcake, coconut cake, chcoolate chip cookies, brownies, blueberry muffins, raspberry cheesecake

and there was a second page….

the list was so much longer than you expected

one thing at a time

you took out the bowls and ingredients

following the recipe, you managed to whip up a pretty decent cake

the rest of the baked goods you made were also pretty good

you place them in the display fridge

you heaved a sigh of relief

you didn’t screw up on your first day!!!!

go you!!!

second day of work

good news: chan gives you free reign to experiment and come up with new stuff

bad news: the stand mixer breaks

worse news: the stand mixer can only be fixed a week later

kind of good news??: you’re gonna get buff

so you have to ask for help from the rest of the nineteen staff

working with all of them, BUT jisung, is great

but you have to get help from him since you don’t always wanna bother everyone too often

search chaos in the dictionary and you’ll get a photo of you and jisung baking

you’ll make a bowl of batter and having that half that bowl gone after 5 minutes

“HOW AREN’T YOU DEAD FROM SALMONELLA YET??¿?¿¿??”

or when you bake anything with chocolate

oh my GOD

you’ll go to grab a baking pan

and when you come back, the packet is suddenly so light

you: did you eat the chocolate again

jisung, chocolate covering his mouth:

you:

jisung, chocolate still covering his mouth: …no

he’d pop into the kitchen even when you don’t need his help just to screw with you

“oooOOOoo, is this a new recipe”

“nope. also don’t eat the chocolate chip cookies,” you say, still focused on making frosting

jisung just lets out a roar of laughter

“ok i won’t”

“but i’ll eat the muffins”

“jisUNG NO”

but all that eating of RAW batter and other stuff finally gets to him

jisung calls in sick

as much as you want to laugh at him, you’re kind of concerned,,,,

like he ate,,,, so much,,,,

you ask chan for jisung’s address so you can visit him

he gives you a face but gives you the address anyways

while carrying some porridge and medicine, you knock on his door

a very pale and dishevelled jisung opens the door but he gives you his usual goofy smile

“can’t get enough of me huh?” he chuckles weakly

“yea, sure whatever you want to think. anyways, i brought some stuff”

“come on in. it’s a little bit of a mess though”

his coffee table is covered in papers and his laptop is playing an episode of brooklyn nine-nine

cushions are strewn on the couch, a blanket draped over them

“i’ll leave the medicine on your kitchen counter but you should eat the porridge now before it gets cold”

jisung nods and you hand him the tupperware box

he gladly opens it and eats a spoonful

“this is so good,” jisung says

“thanks”

you sit next to him quietly as you watch the show

“how are you feeling??” you muster up

“i literally have not seen the light of day in 5 YEARS, my stomach has not known pain like this” he says between mouthfuls of porridge

“that’s what you get for eating so much RAW batter”

“i know but it was so GOOD!! it was totallly worth it”

you shoot a glare at him and he returns a cheeky smile

you try your best to keep a straight face but you can’t help laughing at him

the buzzing of your phone calls for your attention

you grab it and look at the caller id

“oh shit. sorry ‘sung, i gotta go. uni calls! bye!!”

you scurry out of jisung’s apartment and sprint to campus for your project

a few days pass and jisung returns to work

he’s back to almost bouncing off the walls

but when he comes into the kitchen with your tupperware box and a cup of coffee in his hands, he’s flushed red

jisung leaves them on the counter and zooms out of the kitchen

you finish kneading the bread and pick up the cup of coffee

a heart sits on top of the foamy milk

you take a few sips before realising the small piece of paper on the saucer

your cheeks feel a slight warmth as you read the note

“thanks for the food and stuff!! let’s get dinner some time soon ok?? - jisung”

you kind of want to scream but you probably shouldn’t

what do you do????

do you text him??? tell him in real life??? give him another note???? maybe you should just burn the note and pretend he never gave anything to you???? 

all that fills your mind for the rest of the day is the note

soon, it’s the end of both yours and jisung’s shift

you grab your stuff from the lockers in the back

as you try to leave, jisung tries to enter the narrow doorway

you shuffle left and jisung shuffles right

“sorry,” you say as you go in the opposite direction

and so does jisung

HHHHHH

you stay put as jisung moves past you

turning around, you call out, “hey 'sung! are you free right now? i know a good sushi place around here”

jisung almost jumps from his skin and you can see the crimson creeping up his ears under the fluorescent lighting

“yea- yea i am!! just give me a minute to grab my stuff,” he replies

he comes out with his backpack soon after

jisung grabs your hand and brings you out of the cafe

“lead the way!!”

[wild-aloof-rebel]

Hello, friends! Hope your May is off to a good start! 

I’m here with some fic recs for you. All of these were published or completed (in the case of multi-chapter fics) last month. Because it covers the whole month, the list is a little on the longer side. I think I’m going to try to start doing this twice a month going forward, which will help with that, but for now, it just means more recs for you at once. :)

So, without further ado, here are some fics I really enjoyed this month...

<1k words

champagne and cheese by love-burns-brighter (rated T) They popped the champagne, which made several nearby birds take flight, which made David let out another little laugh-cry, which was quickly becoming Patrick’s new favourite sound. 

Exploration by Coffee_Flavored_Kisses (rated E) In the beginning of their relationship, there was a lot of... this. 

Safe by cromarty (rated G) 10 things they have saved on their phones.

who deserves it all by OneTwoBreathe (rated G) There's something to be said about finding the one.

1k - 3k words

A Rose’s for You by hollybibble (rated G) David is muddling through his job in Ray's wedding planning business when his new client Patrick Brewer walks in the door.

All the comfort invested in my soul by EscapingReality51 (rated G) Patrick has decided to propose to David but he needs to do some thinking - and talking - first. a.k.a Patrick talks to Stevie about proposing to David

For Therein All Honor Lies by madcapkittycat (rated G) David's whole life has been an endless intermission careening towards the second act. His costume is beginning to unravel.

Hurts 2B Human by wildxwired (rated T) David has never enjoyed his birthdays, mostly because he’s never had anyone to celebrate with. Sure, there were people, but they were just bodies, just faces beaming up at him with fake sincerity as he bought yet another round of drinks. His birthdays always reminded him how alone he was...  OR what I think would happen if David didn’t go to dinner with Patrick on his birthday.

let’s go dancing in the light by goingmywaydoll (rated G) David, Patrick, and David's anxieties on their wedding day.

lightheaded by my_middle_name_is_awkward (rated G) He couldn’t stop thinking about how David’s eyes watched him carefully as he thanked him for making the first move. They were intense and warm as they tracked Patrick’s expression and it made him melt in his seat.

The Long and Winding Road (To Your Door) by ambitiousbutrubbish (rated G) Patrick is pretty sure he’s the only one who finds the holiday cards the Roses send out to their employees to be oddly charming.

Memorial Weekend by another_Hero (rated T) David shook his head again, brought his hands up to his face. “I know, I know, okay, but you,” he said, “are easy to love. And I—” Patrick opened his mouth, but David fluttered a hand in front of him for silence.

never understood before by mriaow (rated T) “Look,” David starts, trying to gather his thoughts because Patrick’s got his listening face on, earnest and open, soft eyelashes wide, and he knows he’ll let him talk until he’s done. “I know I probably would have gone off the handle about it before, and yeah, of course I was hurt, a little bit.” The words stick in his throat a bit before they come out and Patrick audibly sucks a breath in, reaching over to squeeze David’s hand but staying silent.

Nobody wanted David (Until Somebody Did) by Stargatewars (rated T) In introspective from David's POV about his past, present and future.

Second Best by houdini74 (rated G) Patrick tells his parents that he and David are engaged.

the spot... by startswithhope (rated T) A reflection of a few times Patrick hiked alone and the one time he didn't.

what tiger woods was to golf by oh_la_fraise (rated G) As the game goes on, Patrick grows more on edge waiting for the "if you hurt my son, I’ll ruin you" moment. He has a vision of Mr. Rose separating them to look for an errant ball and threatening to slowly strangle Patrick to death with the hotel’s weird smelling carpet. Judging by the increasingly desperate looks Ted keeps throwing, he feels the same.

what’s new, pussy cat? by promptly (not rated) "YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO CATS!" David all but yells, startling Patrick.  "What? No I'm not!" Patrick laughs, and absent mindly runs a hand down his chest. "Where did you hear that?"

3k - 5k words

Actually Talking About It by Still_Not_King (rated G) Patrick and David realize they've both thought individually about this whole marriage thing (and have assumed the other is TOTALLY uninterested.)

forever going with the flow by livelyvague (rated M) “I don’t want him!” Stevie screamed at Jesse. Her face twisted and mouth hung open. Stevie didn’t ever yell. She didn’t raise her voice. She was stoic and cool. She drank vodka straight and told boys she didn’t give a fuck about them. She didn’t think about girls and their soft lips right in front of their face. A story about Stevie's past and a very long road to understanding herself and acceptance.

I Think I’m Gonna Marry You by allonsyarielle (rated G) [There’s no summary given for this fic, but it’s about the planning Patrick does leading up to the proposal, as well as the proposal itself.]

keep me in your glow by goingmywaydoll (rated T) David and Patrick take a trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond.

5k - 10k words

clothes make the man by torigates (rated T) “So basically my aunt says, they should get rid of me because I don’t bring anyone joy!” Twyla finished saying. Tidying Up comes to Schitt's Creek

Lost and Found by Kamirynn (rated T) Patrick is feeling overwhelmed and unsure while on his Bachelor Party. Trying to escape it all - he makes a new friend.  OR In every universe and reality, these two cuties will find each other...

Never Again by houdini74 (rated T) Wedding planning is stressful, but it's Patrick who's feeling the worst of it.

of all the riches. by falconeggs (rated T) Patrick Brewer is an actor and music superstar, with millions of adoring fans worldwide. David Rose is a pioneer in social media influencing, with a successful reality show chronicling the life of him and his family. One ostentatious evening, the two celebrities meet.  Or, the Celebrity AU no one asked for.

one kiss at a time... (series) by startswithhope (4 fics rated T, 1 rated E) [There are currently 5 fics in this series, ranging from <1k words to 3k+ words in length. Each fic deals with kisses that are “missing” from various episodes.]

10k+ words

for feelings unbound by wardo_wedidit (rated E) “You’re either very impatient or extremely sure of yourself,” he says, a little bit biting, because it’s all Patrick’s fault he’s off-kilter anyway. It doesn’t feel fair that Patrick gets to laugh at him when if Ray was doing this little interview, David would be just fine.“Threw you a bit of a change-up there, huh?” Patrick replies, quick, grinning so hard he’s practically glowing, and all David can think is yes, yes you fucking did. Or, everything is the same but David is an empath who can feel other people's emotions through touch.

give away the game by thingswithwings (rated E) “So, it occurs to me that I was making some assumptions,” David says, when Patrick opens the door. “Okay,” Patrick says. “About our sex life,” David explains. Patrick raises an eyebrow and leans one shoulder against the door frame. He looks relaxed and ironic, but David can see the little blush splashed across his cheeks. “You’re sure this is a conversation you want to have out in the hallway?”

no other version of me i would rather be tonight by wardo_wedidit (rated E) "Patrick does so much for him. He feels slightly choked up just thinking about it. The taxes and spreadsheets and dinners he cooks and the coffees he makes him in the mornings. All the times David’s fallen asleep on his lap while they were watching baseball and Patrick’s pulled a blanket over him. He starts to feel slightly anxious because he doesn’t even know where to start, it’s so much and he’s never going to be able to do it justice in comparison." Or, Alexis teaches David about love languages, and David gets all in his head.

Overreacting by codswallop (rated M) David deals with a health scare, very calmly and maturely and without panicking at all.

[tylercamebackyes]

i adore you, Cy.

-

surprise!! @imonlyhereforgay this is your gift!! i was stressing over it because everyone has so many parts and amazing stuff but i worked really hard on mine so im not changing it anymore. happy pride! also i used When too many times but i dont think TJ would care if he wrote a letter to Cyrus.

-

TJ writes a confession to Cyrus.

-

Dear Cyrus,

These are 10 of the times I got lost in your eyes.

When we went out for milkshakes after my first game of the season. You were telling a story about how your cousin drank his milkshake in 4 minutes flat, only to realize he was lactose intolerant. He never went out to eat with you again because you laughed at him for weeks. You laughed so hard telling the story that you started crying, but your eyes were lit up with joy.

When you came out to me in your basement. I made a joke about how girls would love a ping pong champion. You said you hoped the guys did too. The guys most certainly do. I was stunned into silence because I realized you wouldn't find it so weird that I thought your eyes were pretty.

That time we went on the Ferris wheel at Adrenaline City. You wouldn't look away from the spinning wheel, but I made you have a staring contest with me. You looked like you were about to cry until Marty spun the wheel and you screeched with your head in your hands.

When I had dinner at your house for your dad's birthday. I was helping serve cake when you said I had gotten frosting on my nose. You wiped it off with a napkin because I "wasn't getting the blue off." The blue didn't even come off after.

When I was getting you do do the high jump into the foam pit at Bouncy Castle Land. Andi and Buffy had always let you sit out, but I made you count to 10 with me before you let me push you off the platform.

When my cat had kittens and you were holding one, but it sneezed and you look at me smiling like a goof. I thought I could look at you smiling like a goof forever.

That time we were studying for my math test and you laughed at the drawing of my cat. When you laugh you get a sparkle in your eye. I got  B+ on that math test and you took me to the Spoon to celebrate.

When we were playing the second championship game and I looked over at you during the last timeout. Your smile made me want to win the game to make you proud even though you would be proud either way.

When Andi was thinking about going to New York for an art school, so you went to the swings to think about it. I told you that you were allowed to be upset about it because she was your best friend and you would miss her more if you were here instead of with her. Andi decided not to go.

When you got a brain freeze from eating a snow cone too fast at the fair.

9 times I almost held your hand.  Mostly times I missed my chance to.

When we went on that roller coaster and you said you couldn't feel your hands. I thought about it for a long time, but then we were upside down and I missed my chance.

When I watched your dance final and you were shaking when you finished, because when I'm shaking people holding my hands make me feel better but you were being hugged by Buffy before I got the nerve to.

When you came out to Amber at the Spoon, because she said she was frosting everything rainbow for pride month and you said you would definitely but a piece of cake for that, and she asked if you were LGBT+ and you paused and said you were gay. I didn't want to reach over the table so I didn't hold your hand.

When we were both laying on the couch but we couldn't reach the remote, so we both reached out to get it. I ended up falling off the couch.

When my cat scratched you and I helped you clean your hand, and I did technically hold your hand but I almost really held your hand.

When Andi was up for an art award and they were announcing winners. I started clapping to snap you out of peeling your fingernails. She didn't win, but she got 2nd place.

When we were having a sleepover and you turned over on the air mattress just to say "TJ, I LOVE dinosaurs." You started showing me shadow puppet dinosaurs, but you were too tired to do it right.

At Andi's slumber party, you were doing everyone's nails with Amber, and you painted mine yellow. "You're like my lemon boy, Teej. Or a sour-patch kid. Because you're sweet now," you said.

When Andi was upset about her parents not getting married and Buffy was hanging out with Marty again, you told me that you were afraid it was straining your relationship with them. I told you that if you could survive Celia becoming Ce-Ce and Buffy moving you could survive some change.

8 times I almost kissed you.

When we were at the pool and you did the big water slide, and you were so excited that you choked on the water. You laughed so hard that you had to get out of the pool.

When we met Amber's dog for the first time, and you thought he was the cutest thing in the world.

When we got churros at the fair. You got cinnamon on your nose and I still have no idea how.

When we had that pillow fight and you somehow got a hold of every pillow and it was like you had 3 pairs of nun-chucks.

When we were at the drive-in and you were holding all of the candy because Jonah had a broken arm. He said you wouldn't let him hold anything, but you said his arm was hurting. It was probably both.

That time at the lake when I jumped in, and you didn't want to jump in after me so you tried just walking into the lake but you slipped on the mud.

When we were swimming for Buffy's birthday party, Marty and Jonah flipped your floatie over. You complained about your hair the whole day, but I thought it looked better.

When you saw the shooting star on July 4th. Right after you saw it the fireworks started and the sound scared you.

7 times I almost told someone I liked you.

Buffy asked me after my first game of the season if I liked you, and I almost said yes. I said I didn't know.

My mom asked me why I had become so much happier lately. I said I was just having fun hanging out with you and everyone. Part of it was me being happy about coming out, but it was also being around you that made me so happy.

Jonah asked me how long we had been dating. He really thought we'd been dating for months.

I was paying for a Queen record when Bowie asked about the drawings on my hand. He asked me who drew it and when I said that you drew it, he said, "You two are pretty close, huh?" I just smiled and said yeah.

My cousins came over for Christmas. Addie is 8 years old and when she saw me texting you she said, "Why are you smiling so much? My mamma says people only smile that much when they're in love!" I thought it was really funny that she pointed it out before Buffy or Amber.

Jonah, Marty, and I were watching Love, Simon and they asked why I knew all of the emails by heart. It was nice to think of having a love story like that, even if it wasn't with you.

I almost told Amber's dog once, but Andi walked in before I said it.

6 times I did hold your hand.

When you were over and my parents started fighting while we played Mortal Kombat. I didn't want to feel scared like I always feel when they fight, even though I had never done it when they fought before.

When I came out to my dad. Or before, I guess. It made it easier having you there because I had someone there for me if my dad wasn't.

When you had a sleepover and we tried to watch all of Supernatural in one night. I fell asleep after a few episodes, but the first scene always makes me nervous.

When I was going into math class for the last test of the semester. You had worked with me the most and you believing that I could pass made me really want to pass the test.

When we listened to Paris by Sabrina Carpenter for the first time. It was more of me grabbing your hand and spinning you around to the music, but it counts.

When you brought me the blueberry macadamia muffin. That was one of the best muffins I've ever had, by the way.

5 times I almost called you at 2 am.

When my parents were fighting and I wanted to distract myself, but I ended up watching YouTube.

When Khalid announced his tour and I saw the post. You actually ended up calling me first.

When my cat threw up on my bed. I was really stressed but I got worried about the cat and told my mom instead.

After you dislocated your thumb when I tried to teach you how to play basketball. I was so worried that I couldn't sleep, but your mom posted on Facebook that you were fine so I let it be.

When I realized the song stuck in my head was Electric Love by BØRNS. Then I realized you were probably asleep, so I didn't.

4 times I did call you at 2 am.

When my dad told my mom that I was gay. I thought he was cool with it, but while they were fighting he said, "So YOU can have our abomination of a son." My parent decided to get a divorce later that week. I probably called you every week because I couldn't handle it.

When I realized another song that was stuck in my head was Maneater by Nelly Furtado. You didn't know what song I was talking about until I sang the "you wish you never met her at all" part.

When I had that nightmare where a clown came and attacked the whole town but you had an alliance with him but he was set on killing me so you died defending me then the clown died because he wasn't allowed to kill you.

When you texted me saying you hated crying at 2 am. You were crying about your stepdad making a homophobic joke. I said that he probably didn't mean it, and would stop once he realized he was directly hurting you. It still wasn't okay, though.

3 times I thought I had lost you.

When Reed brought that gun. I know I've said it dozens of times, but I didn't think he would bring it while you were there.

When your dad was thinking about moving to Texas and you got really excited, but your mom said she didn't want to give up custody so he stayed. I wanted you to be happy, but I also wanted to be with you forever and I wouldn't really want to be in Texas for months or years on end.

When Kira outed me to the school, and she looked at you when she said I was really obvious about it. I thought you weren't ready to come out in any way at school, but you said that our friendship was worth more than avoiding humiliation.

2 times I almost confessed.

That day when we couldn't reach the remote from the couch. Me falling off the couch made me forget about it, though.

When I came out to you. I was crying and you were almost crying and I have no idea why I was so terrified.

1 time I did.

Right now. I don't know why it's taken me so long, but with enough reassurance from Jonah and Andi, I'm writing this letter to you right now. I adore you, Cy. I want to be around you all the time. I would really, really like to kiss you. I know you might not feel the same, but I also know our friendship would survive a crush. I don't like keeping secrets from you. The last one is this: I like you. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. And I had a teddy bear named Blueberry for 12 years until Reed blew it up. That's all.

    Love, TJ. aka Tyler James.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Partners in Grime (baon)

Summary:   Stretch has survived a lot over the years. Surviving Edge's vacation week should be a piece of cake.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Mentions of Depression

part of the ‘by any other name’

Read on AO3

-or-

Read More Here

~~*~~

Stretch wasn’t used to babysitting and that was a fact. Oh, he played games with the neighborhood kiddos, showed them experiments and occasionally planned events but he was pretty sure none of their parents had fooled themselves into thinking that anything he did could be called supervision.

He hoped so, anyway, or there was going to be some inevitable disappointment somewhere along the line.

Anyway, so yeah, babysitting. Not so much. He was used to having the house to himself for most of the day where he could sleep in or watch television or go to the lab—

(don’t think about that)

—or post on twitter while hanging out with the chickens. His days weren’t planned so much as they were loosely connected reoccurring events, and Stretch was fine with that.

Having Edge here every day was ruining his carefully disarrayed schedule and he loved Edge, he loved him so much, and he’d love him even more if he’d sit down for five fucking minutes.

Stress, yeah, sure, Stretch was going to gather up his own stress and shove the whole messy wad of it up Ass-gore’s namesake. But Red had warned him if his bro didn’t chill the fuck out, Asgore was considering sending him on a longer vacation and Stretch was pretty sure that was a sanity massacre waiting to happen.

In the interest of saving them all, Stretch would do his duty to Monsterkind and help.

So far, that had consisted of letting Edge do whatever the fuck he wanted around the house. Just because Stretch didn’t see the purpose of attacking the grout with an old toothbrush didn’t mean it wasn’t an important task, (or so he guessed because he’d spent a lifetime not cleaning grout and he hadn’t dusted yet.)

And just because their neighbor’s smiles when he brought them yet another plate of cookies or muffins were getting a little tight didn’t mean there weren’t other people who would appreciate a treat and so what if Stretch was shortcutting two streets away to find them?

Problem was, cleaning and baking looked like they were losing their luster.

He’d give a half-hearted thought to taking Edge into town to go shopping or maybe a movie but subjecting innocent Humans to him didn’t seem like the best way to build good relations between Humans and Monsterkind.

That left sex as Stretch’s main form of entertainment, hey, may as well enjoy the forced confinement, right?

But after a few days even his libido was starting to make flimsy excuses to call it a night, and while Stretch was usually ready for any reason to desecrate the couch again, if they ever wanted anyone else to sit on it again, they were going to need to let it air out for a couple days. At least washing the sheets gave Edge something to do.

That afternoon he was sitting on the poor, abused sofa, still aching pleasantly in a few key areas from earlier when he realized Edge hadn’t followed him back downstairs. The shower had been turned off for a suspiciously long time and he’d believe Red and Sans were swapping condiment preferences along with spit before he’d believe Edge was laying back down for a nap.

It set off more than a few alarm bells. Time to investigate. For the safety of the City and everyone in it.

Who knew that Edge taking a vacation would give him Superman tendencies?

Shortcutting could be silent if he put enough effort into it. Last time he’d bothered was when he was grabbing all the kids during the ‘human invasion’, if that’s what they called a handful of dipshits, but he did it now. Otherwise Edge would hear him on the stairs.

When the void cleared, Stretch could see Edge was sitting on the bed facing away from the door, almost hunched over, a far cry from his usual perfect posture. Checking his phone from the looks of it, naughty naughty.

“what are you dooooooing?” Stretch asked, pleasantly.

Edge jumped and nearly dropped his phone, fumbling to catch it before it fell on the floor. The look on his face was like a damned neon sign, flashing his guilt for all to see.

“Nothing,” he said brusquely.

Oh, yeah, smooth, that’d fool a lie detector, for sure.

“uh huh,” Stretch leaned against the door jamb and crossed his arms over his chest. “nothing. so, my guess is either you’ve taken up watching porn on the sly or you were checking in on your work email. and we both know you’d show me the porn, i always like a good laugh.”

His silence spoke volumes. Edge didn’t like to lie and since he couldn’t Obi-Wan his way out with any ‘some other point of view’ bullshit, he was going with keeping his mouth shut.

Stretch shook his head sadly. His baby was letting him down on the sneak factor; he should’ve checked while he was still in the bathroom. “you know, i promised that i’d keep an eye on you this week. you wanna be responsible for making me break a promise?”

“I didn’t promise,” Edge muttered but he sighed and let Stretch take his hand, followed him back downstairs like the world’s saddest, boniest puppy, “This is ridiculous.”

“uh huh.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“you’re definitely fine, babe, always loved those jeans.”

“I’ve taken a couple of days, I’ve relaxed—“

“uh…yeah…about that. you might need a refresher on the whole ‘relaxing’ thing. i could google it for you.”

“And I’m ready to be back at work.”

“you and me both.”

“What was that?” Edge asked distractedly.

“sit.” And when he didn’t, Stretch pushed on his shoulders until Edge gave in and finally sat down heavily on the sofa. Sternly, Stretch told him, “stay there.”

When it looked like Edge was probably going to obey even if it was with all the grudging he could muster, Stretch went to the kitchen. Time to bring out the secret weapons.

He came back out with a heavily laden tray, covered in plates that held the sort of things that required toothpicks and stupid green garnishy things, and announced, “i have snacks. i have drinks. we are watching netflix.”

“Where did you get this?” Edge eyed everything suspiciously, like Stretch had taken up poisoning as a part-time job. “I know you didn’t make it.”

Well, if he had, then he would probably be well on his way to his first paycheck as an amateur poisoner. “i did not, my brother did, so it’s probably safe. you know you love his spinach puffs. now, eat and watch tv.”

“Must we?” Edge groaned. He flopped back against the cushions and honestly, this was fascinating from a scientific point of view. Edge on the verge of a tantrum was a state of being that Stretch hadn’t even known existed, much less that he’d be the one to discover it. He should write a paper. “I’ve seen enough television to last the rest of the year.”

“i hope not, i’m looking forward to the new season of ‘masterchef’. anyway, i think you’ll like this one.”

He picked up the controller and started the episode. Bright music began along with a man explaining, “It’s a never-ending battle to fight the clutter—"

Edge sat up and grabbed a spinach puff, stuffing it into his mouth and chewing with an impressive amount of grudgingness before slumping back to glare at the tv.

If Stretch survived this he was asking for a raise.

An hour later and Stretch was ready to mark this one as a win. Edge was riveted in a way even Gordon Ramsey rarely managed. Probably a good thing Stretch had already married him, or he might be on a plane with flowers in hand, ready to spark a little joy.

Stretch wasn’t quite as enamored; he was okay with the show, sure, the host was a sweetheart. It was just a hell of a lot more fun watching Edge. The way he quivered as the families tried to excuse their messiness, like he was resisting the urge to reach through the screen and shake them. His visible satisfaction when they showed they were on the right path and the episode ended with triumph and order.

It was fucking adorable.

He didn’t get to watch Edge like this very often. Usually if they were watching television, Stretch liked to live up to his namesake and stretch out, laying half on Edge and half off the sofa, soaking up the warmth from his blanket and his baby both.

It was moments like these that he was jarringly reminded that Edge really was younger than him, the same age as his little brother. With his crimson eye lights wide and focused on the screen, enchantingly absorbed, he looked his age in a way he rarely did.

He’d gone through so much in his life; some of it was visible on his bones, the crack in his socket was the most obvious but there were others, scars that had healed roughly without a gentle hand to press soothing magic into them. The other scars were buried a hell of a lot deeper and whether they were why he needed a break from work or they were the reason he drove himself so hard to begin with was anyone’s guess.

Stretch had his own theories.

But that combined with his unrelenting attitude made Edge seem older than he was. Didn’t help that it was hard to gauge ages with skeletons. Plenty of Monsters guessed that Stretch was the younger one.

He liked to think it was because he was young at heart, fuck you very much.

And then after everything he’d gone through, Edge went ahead and hitched his life to Stretch’s broke-ass wagon. Looking at Edge and thinking about the years he had yet to come sometimes made that bitter little voice that lived in the back of Stretch’s thoughts come to life, syrupy-thick, persuasive, and as foul as swamp water, asking him what the fuck he thought he was doing here, telling him he didn’t deserve this. Edge had earned better than having to spend his life dealing with Stretch’s brand of generic bullshittery.

Today more than usual it was easy to stuff that voice back. What kind of asshole would it make Stretch to try to make his choices for him? Stretch had a little too much experience with that and once you allowed it to start happening, it was fucking difficult to flick the switch back. Besides, if his taste in partners was questionable, at least his baby had a good soul.

He was selfish, knew it, but still. He wanted to be the one to spark joy in Edge

When the episode ended, Stretch didn’t even ask. He reached out automatically to push the button that skipped the intro on the next one. The spinach puffs were a distant memory but there were still the tapenade toast points to contend with.

A glance back at Edge made Stretch duck his head to hide a smile. Edge looked like his inner neat freak was getting a deep tissue massage. Now that, friends and neighbors, was relaxed.

“can i ask something?” Stretch said, idly, “how is it a clean bee like you can stand to be with me?”

Edge managed to tear his gaze away from the television long enough to look at him with genuine surprise and a little fond scorn, probably for the pun. It tore away the last bit of the illusion of youth and that left nothing but his own husband, who told him archly, “Marie says it herself. I love a mess.”

Okay, damn, affection and insult in one, and by the Angel, Stretch loved him so, so much. “i asked for that.”

“You did,” Edge agreed. But he caught hold of Stretch and pulled him in anyway, tucking him in comfortably against his side. He was soothingly warm and Stretch snuggled in happily, sighing as Edge pressed a kiss against his skull before whispering to him, “You bring me joy.”

Well, hey, mission accomplished. Now Stretch only had to keep it up for a few decades, no biggie.

But first, he needed to survive the week.

-finis-

Notes:

I can't help but feel that Edge would love 'Tidying Up With Marie Kondo'. His platonic soul mate. ^_^

[onyxstorms]

With Sunday approaching, I just felt like I should post something in regards to what you will see on my blog after the finale...

First and Foremost I am and always will be a Game of Thrones Fan, even if that means just loving 70/73 of the episodes. So you will continue to see Game of Thrones & ASOIAF content on my blog. 

As you can probably tell by my header/sidebar/icon - Jon & Daenerys are my FAVORITES - always have been. always will be. I waited sooo long for Jonerys to be a thing. I had so many hopes and dreams on where I thought they would go, but alas it was all for naught. And regardless of whatever happens on Sunday, you will still see them both on my blog along with shipping posts, because I will still ship them no matter what. Season 8 butchered their characters but I am resigned to ignore the last three episodes as canon and will live in happy bliss by that waterfall for a thousand years if it’s what it takes. 

I am also going to try to get back into giffing the show. If the leaks are true, I unfortunately have some ideas, even though I’m sad about them. lol  It’s just these last couple episodes have been fairly void of inspiration for me. I also look forward to seeing what you all gif/write/post about the show, Jon, or Dany, so if you would like to tag me in your stuffs I track  #useramby. Because after the next episode I’m going to need uplifting gifs or fanfics or art or metas. 

That is basically it, I just wanted to let my lovely followers know that I will still be around in the GoT fandom. I won’t abandon it. It means too much to me - both in regards to fandom and personally. I’ve found joy and sadness and stress and happiness in this show, the books, and the fandom. I have wonderful memories of watching the show with my parents, theorizing with my friends, talking about it with you guys. 

I just wanted to say Thank You all for making this fandom a fun experience and no matter how the show ends, I’m glad to have experienced this show and phenomenon that has brought together people all over the world with both my irl and online friends and community! 

And now our watch has ended. :( 

[mad-madam-m]

Everbody seems to be *hating* the Voltron finale, so I wanted to ask your thoughts on it.

First off, I am sorry this took so long to answer, but I’ve been stupidly, stupidly busy since even before the season aired, so I haven’t had much time to respond.

A very short version: I didn’t hate the final season. Although there are many aspects of it that disappointed me or that I wasn’t happy with, there were also many aspects that I really liked or even loved, so my feelings are mixed and bittersweet.

I think I wanted to like it more than I did, but I also didn’t hate it as much as most people did, and processing all those feelings has taken me a while and I’ve mostly stayed off social media to do it. I can handle hearing disappointment/hurt one-on-one from friends, but I absolutely cannot deal with the unfiltered wave of emotion on places like Twitter and Tumblr right now. What little of it I did see was enough to stress me out badly (and the holidays are stressful enough already, oof), so I’ve mostly been hanging out on Dreamwidth, playing a 3-sentence ficathon, or searching for Tiger & Bunny art because it’s my happy place.

So, yeah, that’s kind of my brief thoughts on season 8. If you want the (much) longer version, including a more detailed breakdown of what I liked and what I didn’t, read on:

Things I loved:

- Hunk. Y’all. I loved Hunk. My headcanon for him has always been that he either ends up opening a restaurant, or that he becomes a diplomat who uses food to help bridge the differences between alien races. To actually see that happen in canon brought me so much joy, you have no idea.

- Pidge, particularly Pidge and her mom. Every scene they had together was fantastic. I especially loved their bargaining in the Clear Day episode. The Olkraion episode was also heartbreaking.

- The entire first episode. Oh my God, I thought the first episode was hilarious. The references to the previous series had me burying my face in my pillow so I wouldn’t wake anybody up with my laughter. The mall trip was absolutely fantastic, and I adored getting to see all the girls hang out together. And the scene with Coran and Lance? Hysterical. (Also, had to love that painting of Coran and Alfor; Coran, you are not subtle at all.)

- Lance and Allura. They were fucking adorable, which still astounds me because I wouldn’t have even been close to liking this ship in seasons 1 and 2. But they were super cute together and all of their scenes were very sweet.  

- Lance and Keith having a couple of surprisingly nice conversations? I missed their bickering, but I did like getting to see them actually being friendly with each other.

- The theme that people can change and find redemption, although I don’t know that it was handled as well here as I would’ve liked (see below), it is one of my favorite themes and I do think some of the .

- Zethrid and Ezor! Alien girlfriends reunited!

- Veronica being unendingly sweet and friendly to Acxa and Acxa being awkward and not knowing how to handle that is my fucking jam, you guys. I could’ve watched another 3 episodes of that easily.

- How much Keith has grown since season 1 and him acknowledging that growth. My chest actually clenched.

- I thought the documentary episode was cute. (Although admittedly, the scenes where the dog carried the camera, I had to stop watching because they were giving me motion sickness.) And I adored Hunk making the Altean dessert for the Alteans they’d recovered.

- The Clear Day episode. Really, the light-hearted funny episodes have always been my favorites, so I liked that we got more than one this season.

- Pidge and Allura having some truly great scenes together. We don’t see the two of them together very often, and the shopping in the first episode and the episode on Olkarion were both great for that. (And Pidge helping Lance get something shiny for Allura the way he helped her get the game system in Space Mall was just wonderful.)

- Everybody getting to talk to the previous Paladins. God, my heart. Even if I wasn’t particularly happy with that part of the plot, I really did like getting to see more of all the original Paladins, and the way it felt like the story was really coming full circle.

- I choked up when Atlas and Voltron combined to form one giant dual robot. I thought they were going to leave Shiro behind for the final confrontation with Honerva, but no. I loved getting to see the six of them fighting together, side-by-side, and that Shiro was there with them for the end of it.

- The final shot of the five of them watching their Lions fly away, with the focus on Keith and Shiro together as Black’s Paladins.

- And the final final shot of the Lions and Allura in the nebula. In the original Beast King GoLion series (the Japanese series that Voltron was cribbed from), there was a goddess at the center of the universe responsible for all creation (if I’m remembering it correctly), and that’s what this reminded me of. I don’t know if that’s the implication they intended—that Allura had become the goddess—but that’s what I took from it.

Things I didn’t love:

- Not enough Shiro, and I missed the little moments with him and Keith that we’ve seen sprinkled throughout most of the seasons. (I don’t expect The Black Paladins every episode, but good lord, would it have killed them to just have a couple of minutes of Shiro and Keith walking around the Clear Day carnival together? Hanging out on the night before launch day? Hell, just put Shiro on Black with Keith and Kosmo and give them a couple of lines of conversation before Lance comes up. It wouldn’t have been hard.)

- Allura actually letting the tiny evil creature inside her and then…nothing really happens? Like?? I really thought there was going to be more of a consequence for her taking that inside her because it’s pretty clear it can’t be controlled and I was seriously thinking she was not far away from going full darkside for at least an episode. But it just…did exactly what they wanted to do and that was that?

- Where the hell did Ezor even come from?! Like, I’m a-okay that she lived, but. Uh. What? I really wish that had been better explained, especially because she apparently had a pretty significant come-to-Jesus moment sometime between season 7 and season 8. (There were several moments like this, where like…I thought someone was dead, and they turned out to be alive, or they just randomly showed up somewhere after I thought they were somewhere else. It was confusing and a little bit annoying.)

- Much as I like to see villains getting redemption, by the end of the season, it felt…overdone? Like, they brought back a lot of previous villains and almost all of them either had reformed (the Warden and Ezor, for example) or were reformed by their interactions with the heroes (Zethrid, Honerva). Redemption arcs are hard to do well and I think the problem here was that there wasn’t enough time in 13 episodes to do that many proper justice, especially for someone like Honerva, who, uh…yeah. When your main villain for the season has literally destroyed almost all of reality and gets redeemed in less time than it took me to write this sentence, it doesn’t really give that arc the importance it needs.

- I really wish they’d left all the epilogues out entirely and just had the show end with the Lions flying off at the end and our original five Paladins standing together, watching them go. The epilogues felt a little hasty and last-minute, and I have to wonder if Shiro’s in particular was added only to deal with some of the backlash they got after season 7. Which, while I can appreciate that it’s a huge deal to actually show a same-sex kiss in a children’s animated series like this, it really does come across like it was just done for the sake of scoring diversity points/dealing with the aforementioned backlash, instead of allowing Shiro to have an actual on-screen romance like Lance and Allura.

- I’m still not sure how I feel about Allura’s ending. On the one hand, I don’t hate that there was a sacrifice like that that needed to be made, and I kind of wondered if they’d do something like that since, you know, series finale, saving all realities, etc. etc. But on the other hand, I feel like it could’ve been executed/explained much better (e.g., giving Coran a chance to say good-bye to her, at the very least), and I mean. Come on. I would’ve by far preferred it if Allura lived and got to go back to help rebuild her planet/people.

So yeah. Like I said, mixed feelings overall. I had intended to rewatch the whole thing before s8 came out, but I didn’t have time, so I may do that later, once the holidays are over and I’ve binged some of the other stuff I have on my list. I’m also sure rewatching will give me a different feeling on season 8 once I see it in context with everything else, so you know. We’ll see how that goes. XD

[k-p-p-d]

Stay: Green Light (A)

Pairing: Jisoo x Male OC (feat. Rosé & Lisa)

Summary: Jisoo didn’t know why he’d ended things and she tried to convince herself she didn’t want to know.  What she wanted to know was if she could ever be happy without him again...

Length: 1.8k + texts

A/N: Listen to this while you read! @blackinkfics This has been a year in the making and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get to a point where I felt comfortable enough to post it.  I’m also sorry that this is how far I’ve gotten in all this time, but I hope it lives up to your expectations.  Ily~ #LongLiveJJ

                                                    Jamal POV

Eyes closed and music blaring, Jisoo inhaled deeply. As the crescendoing bass line reverberated through the air and surged through her chest, she willed her heart to pound along steadily with the beat. It was a trick he had taught her during a long forgotten lesson, yet she practiced it religiously through every rehearsal, evaluation, and performance. She wasn't a natural dancer but allowing the syncopated rhythms to flow through and guide her body as she moved allowed her to easily make up for it as she carefully executed each move. Song after song, 8-count after 8-count, Jisoo drilled the choreography until she could barely stand, her body quaking with exhaustion and chest heaving with exertion.

Vaguely, she recognized the warmth spreading through her already torched skin. She slowly registered the size of the fingertips resting against her shoulders; and though she would never let it show, the bitter ache of disappointment pinged through her that the hand was not the large one she had become so accustomed to, but instead much smaller and much more slender. Jisoo glanced up to meet the eyes, widened in concern, of her precious Lisa. "I'm fine, LaLa!" she chirped. She grinned at the younger and reached up to ruffle her sweat slick bangs.

"I don't believe you," Lisa huffed as she flicked the elder's wrist away from her. "You only practice this hard when you're stressed."

"I'm not stressed." Jisoo pushed off the wall and shrugged, swinging her arms across her chest as she began to stretch her aching limbs. "I just want to be as good of a dancer as you."

Lisa pouted, "Don't deflect!"

"I'm telling the truth," Jisoo insisted before she took a swig of her water. That only earned her a look of distrust and discontentment. "Hey! Don't stare at me like that! We both know how many countless hours you grinded through to get to where you are. I want to be that way too."

Lisa sighed. She could only push as far as the other would let her and clearly there wasn't much room left. "Swear on chicken?"

Crossing her heart, the elder affirmed, "And pizza."

"Okay, then I'm going to head home now. You wanna ride together?"

Jisoo shook her head. "Nah, I'm not done here yet. Don't worry, mom, I won't stay here all night." With a roll of her eyes and a dramatic huff, Lisa conceded and left the dance studio, leaving Jisoo back where she started.

Alone. 

Staring ahead at the back of a door, the clear image of the back of the head of someone she loved just having slipped through it. But it wasn't her member's head pressed into the surface of her corneas.  Jisoo turned on her heel to face the mirror, shut her eyes, and exhaled sharply. "Channel it," she commanded herself as she unclenched a fist to turn the music up, once again surrendering herself to the frantic rhythms.  

Her frenzied trance was broken when the music abruptly died. Another steadying hand--closer to the size she had become so accustomed to but still not the hand she knew not to expect--loosely gripped her shoulder. "Time to go home, dear," her manager said sweetly. Dripping in sweat, she wordlessly nodded her head and set about cleaning the studio.

When she was finished, her body was howling with fatigue. Normally she wouldn't have to ask to be helped out, but he wasn't there to carry her. Doing things on her own now--that was her new normal. No one but her was there to pick her exhausted limbs and aching heart up and carry her. She had to do for herself now. "Only the weak," she chided herself quietly as she grabbed her stuff. Her manager lifted a questioning brow, but she simply shook her head in response. Now it was her turn to walk through that door, leaving a little chunk of her broken-hearted burden behind as she went.

The kaleidoscope of brilliant neons pulsating overhead filtered darkly through the tinted windows of the company car as it zoomed along the streets. Jisoo stared listlessly at them, her mind far too exhausted to pay them the standard amount of awe she normally gave them. Vaguely, she could hear the excited chirps of a brighter girl passionately gush over the pretty lights while a smooth, deep, warm chuckle floated through her ears and curled within her stomach. She shook her head and turned away from the window. Someday the flashing green and pink and red and orange lights would bring her the same joy they once did. Someday, she'd coo over them just like that bright girl did all those moons ago. Someday when she could let these minuscule but impactful memories go. "Someday," she whispered softly.

But for now, she was content with letting herself finally pull up his contact information on her phone. She didn't expect an immediate response from him by any means; honestly, she hoped he wouldn't read it for a week or two. Yet she knew she needed him to respond relatively soon so her courage wouldn't fade. Pressing on the picture-less circle next to his name, she tapped out a very cut-and-dry question. "Keep it simple, keep it emotionless," Jennie's sage advice floated through her head and tumbled out of her mouth as she hit 'send.’

Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the cool glass of the tinted window, letting the vivid blues and violets and fuschias of the low-hanging neon stars wash over her skin as an outward reflection of the clashing emotions warring in her heart.

Even when she finally made it home, there was still no response from him.  She wasn’t hurt, no, she’d vowed that she wouldn’t let herself be hurt by him again.  But yet there was still some part of her that had hoped… It didn’t really matter, she decided internally with a huff.  They were both two adults with very hectic schedules. He’d respond to her when he got a chance; he certainly wasn’t cowardly enough to run from her text messages at least (phone calls and voicemails were an entirely different story). She deposited her phone on her bed and pointedly ignored it as she changed into her pajamas after taking a quick shower that had mercifully washed away the remnants of her grueling dance practice off her.  

Scooping up Dalgom into her arms, she made her way out to the living room to catch up on the dramas she’d missed earlier in the evening.  Chaeyoung, as reliable as ever, was already curled up in the center of the sectional with a heaping pile of snacks laid out on the coffee table before them.  “I didn’t know what you wanted and I couldn’t decide so I brought them all,” she sheepishly admitted, nervously tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear as she blinked owlishly at the elder.

Jisoo couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face.  “My sweet Chaeyoung is far too precious for this world,” she cooed as she plopped down next to the orher girl.  Chaeyoung didn’t even try to hide the self-satisfied smile that slipped onto her lips.  Instead, she offered up a hard-boiled egg she’d already halfway peeled.  Jisoo shifted until Dalgom was nestled comfortably in her lap so she could finish peeling the egg.  The pair snacked in comfortable silence as their attention was held captive by the compelling storylines of the episode.  As the credits for the episode rolled, Jisoo glanced at the younger to see if she was willing to watch the next episode only to find Chaeyoung sound asleep, nestled in her favorite blanket against a pile of pillows.  Jisoo smiled sweetly at her sleeping friend.  “Time to go to bed, Dalgomie,” she whispered to the little ball of fluff curled in her lap.  Carefully, she slowly slithered off the couch and turned off the lights before making her way to her room.

Her phone glowed ominously in the darkness.  An unexpected sense of dread washed over her as gingerly lifted it up.  Dalgom stirred slightly in her arms, turning to rest his head against her chest as if to reassure her that he was always there for her.  Jisoo leaned down to snuggle her beloved pup for a brief moment while she gathered all her confidence to unlock her phone.

A straightforward, simple answer that was as emotionless as her inquiry.  Honestly, it was somewhat a relief he’d only responded with a single word.  More words meant more time spent overthinking what he meant or how many times he’d attempted to respond to her or how she should respond next or how many times she had to grip and regrip her phone as her fingers trembled a little too much for her liking. “No.” She could work with this.  Quickly, before she could even begin to think of overthinking her answer, she tapped out her response and hit send.  She didn’t even wait to hear the tell-tale swoosh that indicated her message had actually been sent before she locked her phone.

Pulling back the covers, Jisoo crawled into her bed, its familiar softness grasping greedily onto every inch of her tired body was a welcomed distraction from the dinging of her phone.  She rolled over to snatch up her phone after she gently placed Dalgom on his pillow.  “Keep it simple, keep it simple,” she repeated like a sacred mantra as she once more unlocked her phone.  “Singapore?” she questioned to the still night air hanging like a heavy, dark blanket over her room.  Why was he in— “Oh, duh.  Tour,” she mumbled as she left her fingers speak for her to him.  He responded almost immediately, his next message getting straight to the point:

Well, that was a loaded question.  What she wanted was for Stephen Hawking or whatever extraordinarily brilliant man to build a time machine that would allow to go back in time and stop him from ending things with her.  Or maybe she could spare herself all the trouble and just erase the first time she ever saw him.  Or maybe she wanted to travel back and tell her past self to really cherish every moment she’d spent with him.  Or just, at the very least, fast forward to a time where she was no longer heartbroken over him.  She just wanted to feel something than the empty heaviness that had burrowed itself so deep in her heart, she was quite certain it had become a blackhole in the very center of her being.  But that was a mystery for some physicist to figure out.  In the meantime, she had to figure out how to tell him that she wanted to give him back the few things of his she’d somehow wound up having in her possession without revealing to him that the only reason she wanted to give it all back was so she wouldn’t have physical reminders of the ache in her battered heart.

Jisoo groaned loudly and flopped down into her pillows.  Dalgom perked up a little as she berated herself, “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Why did she say that? Why? Of course, he wouldn’t want to talk later.  They were broken up.  After she returned his things, that would be the very end of their...everything. Jisoo scrubbed madly at her eyes, willing herself not to cry.  She’d shed enough tears for him.  She would find some way to move on, she resolved as she pulled the covers up to her chin. But for now, she needed to focus on getting some much needed sleep. Maybe when she woke up tomorrow morning, her heart would hurt less...

 —Admin Lily

[canaryatlaw]

mmmm okay I’m tired so let’s get going here. today was fine, I’m kinda in a funk right now and I’m not entirely sure why but oh well. Alarm went off at 7, got out of bed and got ready. when I checked the weather app it said there was gonna be a windchill of 29 and I ain’t about that shit, so I had a sweater on as like my main shirt, then my suit jacket, then my hoodie, then my normal jacket. in hindsight, I probably should’ve known this was overkill, but I’d always rather be overprepared than underprepared. so I ended up overheating like halfway to the train and ended up taking my jacket off but oh well. train ride in was fine, I texted one of the lawyers to ask about shadowing them and I didn’t realize they didn’t have a case up till 9:30, and I was already running early because I wanted to drop my lunch off at the office so I didn’t have to lug it through court with me all day, so I had some time to kill when I got to court at like 8:45. so I went to the starbucks under the courthouse and chilled there for a while until it was time to head upstairs. unsurprisingly I beat the lawyer there, and proceeded to check the line numbers of the cases in the different rooms to make sure we could get to each one in time, things ended up working out pretty well, one of the judges was out so we literally just talked to OPC and came up with an order to enter, so that was easy enough. we did the 10:30 and then we were done with court. I was originally scheduled to shadow her on an arbitration later that day but she informed me that it was cancelled, which meant I got to stay in the office all day and work on that giant project I’ve just been given, which is of course *such* a joy to me. So I went back to the office and got to work. I had been handling the oldest cases first so most of their files were empty, but as I got to the more recent ones there was a lot more in their files (one thing I will say I appreciate is that their files are digitized, as opposed to OPG where someone would hand me a file that’s *literally* busting at the seams and ask me to find one specific piece of paper in it when there’s a solid 3,000 pages in there (yeah, being a law clerk sucks sometimes). so it was a lot of clicking through different documents to find different pieces of information. it was relieving to find out that for a lot of the cases the info just isn't there, so I don’t have to get stressed out about not finding it, so it really wasn’t as bad as I expected, so that was good. I basically did that the rest of the day, I didn’t take a lunch since I brought my leftovers from home and ate them at my desk. Towards the end of the day the lawyer I was with yesterday that I like a lot stopped by our office and I asked her if she got the deposition notes from me yesterday and she proceeded to tell me they were excellent, which of course made me happy, and then told me she was gonna take me to a trial with her in like January so that also made me happy of course. At like 4:45 I got a text reminding me I had to do the folders today, which is literally just taking a stack of folders of the cases that are up tomorrow and separating them into piles for each attorney that was handling the cases. More menial labor, but honestly at this point it doesn’t even phase me in the least because I’ve done all the crappy law clerk jobs, I’ve separated papers, I’ve folded letters into envelopes, I’ve copied things, I’ve spent hours going through thousands of pieces of paper to find one specific one for nothing but a “thanks” but that’s how it is when you’re starting at the bottom and I get that, and it’s why I try my hardest to do the best I can at even the shittiest of tasks, whether it’s taking deposition notes or separating folders. So I got that done and then there was some confusion over a supposedly missing folder but it was soon resolved. As I was about to leave I got a message from Jess saying she might make it home for our shows tonight which we weren’t sure was going to happen because she had to go to Michigan today to see her brother and pretend to be his parent, so we didn’t know if she’d be back in time. I headed home, all that good commute stuff, got kinda frazzled when I got home because kitty managed to knock the lid off the trash that was already kinda overflowing and kicked some stuff around the kitchen which was kind of a mess, so I had to clean that up and take the trash out, then start on making the fried rice I was gonna do for dinner. This recipe I had insisted that in order to get the best fried rice you have to use leftover rice (like rice that was cooked and has since cooled and sat in the fridge for a few hours) so when I was making rice for the korean bbq bowls yesterday I made extra rice for this purpose, but didn’t end up making enough so the ratios got kinda messed up, but I managed to find my garlic crusher so that helped lol. It was fairly easy to make, so that was good. I was ready to start the shows at 7 but Jess was just running over, so I paused it and then started it when she got there like 5 minutes later. The Gifted first, I can’t say I was all that enthralled with tonight’s episode, just wasn’t very interesting to me for some reason, and I had kind of a hard time following the plot other than the mom was pretty much engaging in active torture and Lauren was trying to get through to Andy and that was NOT working, but I didn’t really have any idea what Lorna or the rest of them were doing. so I was kinda meh on that. Then Black Lightning, which is always great and nails what they’re going for. I laughed my ass off when Jennifer pushed Khalil off the roof because like yes girl you tell him, and the whole plot with the metagene triggering brutal honesty from people was actually really interesting and I hope they keep going down that kind of road with all of this. I didn’t like that Jefferson and Anissa were kind of fighting of course, but I hope they can sort that out going forward being that they definitely work better as a team. After that we went back and watched The Flash (since it airs at the same time as The Gifted and we obviously can’t watch both at once). Pretty good episode, I love Nora West-Allen she’s kind of great (and not just because her name is Nora, but I mean the fact that there are now gonna be four Nora’s in the Arrowverse makes me happy) and it kinda cracks me up that Jessica Parker Kennedy is 34 and calling 28 year old Grant Gustin “dad” lol and I just think of her as older because she was playing a “kid” on Smallville an entire ten years ago. but yeah I liked their whole dynamic this episode and I have so many questions about that final fight and everything that happened during it. Not gonna lie, at the end when they were like “the breathing sounds like an insect” and I obviously know their villain of the season is Cicada but I couldn’t help being like “IT’S MOTHMAN” just for my own amusement lol. but yeah, enjoyable episode, season 5 is off to a good start, they managed to make Ralph at least 60% less annoying which is definitely a victory, and they’re doing a good job incorporating the side plots into the bigger story. And yeah, after that Jess headed home and I started getting ready for bed and then wasted time doing nothing and a bunch of things all at once and now it’s 12:40 am and I have to be up at 7 so I’m gonna end this here. Goodnight my loves. Happy hump day.

[contradictoryenigmas]

2020 Postmortem: 10 Questions

2020. A year that did not go as planned. Okay, I am massively downplaying just what a complete shitshow it was. The best way I can describe is that episode of Seinfeld where George declares it to be the "Summer of George", only to have him in a hospital bed towards the end, disappointed that it didn't work out.

When I started writing this year's 10 questions piece, I wasn't sure how it would form considering most of the year was spent at home, trying to survive. But the result is the longest 10 questions to date. Guess I had a lot to get out there.

Author's Note: If you are new to this or want to take a look back at previous pieces, you can click on the links here: 2017, 2018, and 2019.

What made up your body of work this year? Which parts are you most proud of?

I should start with one of the major elephants in the room. Since March 12th, I have been working from home. The day before, all of us at work got an email from the home office in the United Kingdom saying the offices there and in the U.S. would be closed for a time to protect employees from the growing spread of COVID-19.  Many of us thought we would be back in the office in a month or so. Oh boy, how wrong we were considering later that day, news would come out that Tom Hanks and his wife contracted the virus and the NBA would suspend their season after a player tested positive.

Not being in an office has some significant downsides for me. For one, it was the place where I interacted with people outside of close family. Now, the only real interaction I do with co-workers is either over email or Microsoft Teams, mostly dealing with work stuff. I worry this long period of isolation will hurt my social abilities, which to be fair were at negative levels when I had started this job last year, but were improving. The other is losing the separation between work and home. Since coming home and spending time in my room as an office and place to rest, my anxiety and feelings that I should be working started to come in. Some of this was alleviated by me setting some ground rules such as having a hard stop. But those feelings are still there and likely hampered efforts to try and relax.

Most of my work for the year was spent on three big projects that would set the course for the future of the company. Having this on the back of my shoulders added a bit of anxiety and drained me of a lot of energy. Every day, I found myself crashing in bed to take a quick nap so I could regain some energy.

That brings me to writing. 2020 I was hoping to get back to writing in a big way. Not only with automotive stuff, but doing some more with this blog and launching a new project. But with everything that has been going on this year, a lot of these ambitions had to be shelved. A lot of this stems from not having any energy or motivation to either start and/or finish various pieces. There would be moments where a burst of energy comes on and could I belt out a quick review or news story, but it was rare. At the end of this year, I have a bit of a backlog of new car reviews to get up. But at least I'm not pushing myself to the grindstone and getting them out. This only results in shoddy work and I feel quite bad.

For the personal blog, this is going to be the first and last piece for the year. It wasn't for the lack of trying. Several pieces currently sit on my laptop that are in varying states of completion, but again, I lacked the energy or motivation to go forward.

There are a couple of pieces I want to call out,

Afterthoughts: A Car In Troubled Times: This was written after my Grandfather passed away in June (not from COVID). With this and everything going on in the world, I wrote about how the car became a place where I could escape the world for a bit and work out various thoughts and feelings.

Quick Drive: 2020 Lexus RC F: My last new car review of the year and man what a car. I loved the throaty V8 engine and the grand touring nature of the suspension. I think the last line sums up my feelings about this car,

"It brought me the joy which sometimes is all you need a car to do."

What were your top 5 moments of the year?

Getting back to reviewing vehicles on a somewhat regular basis

Saving enough money to move forward on finding my first apartment

I know that's only two, but I really can't think of anything else from this landfill fire of a year.

What are you really glad is over?

THE YEAR!  (cymbal crash)

Okay, that was obvious, so let go a bit deeper.

The mess of the 2020 elections are mercifully done. A lot of us knew this was going to be very different, but I don't think we knew how much it would be. Just look at the first debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump. Then election day rolls around and seeing the collective sadness rear its head as the first ballots are being counted, even though we knew that the mail-in ones were still waiting in the wings to be tallied. It took a few days, but the sense of jubilation when the results were leaning towards Biden was not all that surprising, considering the mess of the past four years. Whether or not this gets better remains to be seen.

How are you different today than you were 365 days ago?

I touched on this with the first question, but loneliness has been a big issue. Not being able to interact with people outside of my own family has brought back memories of some of the dark days of depression where I wouldn't talk with anyone. Thankfully, I'm not fully returning to these ways. But I can't help but worry that my socials skills will be back at a negative level. Twitter and Instagram have filled in some of the missing social aspects, but I can only use it so much before feelings of "Fear of Missing Out" and not being able to interact in person. Also, the deluge of various events such as the killing of George Floyd and the election meant I had to turn off social media at times to allow time to process and work out various feelings.

My mental health has also taken a bit of a stumble. Various aspects of my ADHD have started to come back in force with procrastination, distractions, fear of rejection, and warped perception of time to name a few. There has also been a large amount of stress and anxiety to work through because of the year. I think it's a bad sign when your anxieties have their anxieties to deal with.

To top it off, it has been hard to find something to keep my mind occupied for longer than five minutes. I look at the number of books and video games currently sitting on shelves or stacked in the closet waiting to be open, or the various movies and TV shows I have in queues for various streaming services and my own media server. Yet, they are left untouched. I drift towards scrolling through various social media outlets or watching the same YouTube videos. I've been trying to figure out why these are my go-to and not the items listed above that would give the same pleasure and stimulation, but also open some new windows and ideas. I haven't fully figured it out yet, but I do have some clues and ideas as to why.

On the flip side, I'm very lucky that I am still employed. That may seem like a put-down, but out of my close family, I'm the only one who has stayed employed throughout the year. My mom's last day of school was the day I started working from home, and she wouldn't return until the start of the new year. Both my dad and brother had furloughs at their respective jobs during the late Spring.

I have been slowly messing around with some projects that I've been wanting to do. These include expanding my media sever collection to include music, cataloging various media so I stop buying duplicates,  and starting to explore various interests that I had when I younger.

Getting back to reviewing new cars has been quite enjoyable. Despite having a backlog that will not be finished till sometime in February or March, it has been fun again to figure out a vehicle's high and low points.

Is there anything you achieved that you forgot to celebrate?

Nope.

What have you changed your perspective on this year?

Two things come to mind. First is that I don't need a firehose of information. I was subscribed to several sites through RSS and had many people I was following on Twitter to see what was happening. But this massive flow of information was only making my anxiety and stress worse. For the past month, I have started to unsubscribe to a number of newsletters and RSS feeds, along with culling down my Twitter following list.

Second is that I need to slow down. What I mean by this is I need to take my time and not focus on trying to finish everything as fast as possible so I move on to the next thing. There is something about taking a moment to breathe or letting things play out to a point to where you can jump in and provide a different point of view.

Who are the people that came through for you this year?

My therapist came through this year, transitioning from in-person visits to doing chats either through Zoom or on the phone - depending on whether or not either of us run into technical issues. They have been really helpful just listening to whatever was on my mind that week, and point out possible thoughts and directions to chew on to get me into a better place.

There is also a large number of people I interacted with that made the lockdown and isolation a little bit more bearable. Too many to list here, but I would like to say thank you to all.

What were some pieces of media that defined your year?

Casiopea, Mint Jams: There is a person who I follow on Twitter that brings up Casiopea from time to time. This Japanese jazz fusion band has been around since 1976 and produced a number of albums. I had them in the back of my mind for a time to check, but wasn't until the fall when I started listening to Mint Jams - their seventh album (and I believe second live album). I immediately fell in love with the band after hearing the first track Take Me. Something about this brings absolute joy and pleasure. Since then, I have bought the CD and started to dive fully into the discography.

Yakuza Like A Dragon (Playstation 4): I don't know how to describe a game where one minute you're beating up criminals and the next minute you're trying to figure out who is urinating in a river. It seems ridiculous, but that's Yakuza Like a Dragon in a nutshell. There are moments of complete absurdity that is intertwined with tender and heartfelt moments as you interact with your compatriots. I'm currently on chapter five and finding new stuff to do such as a Mario Kart knockoff and running my own business, while trying to figure why I was betrayed by a father figure. It's chaotic and beautiful at the same time.

Zero 7, Simple Things: This album was the one I would play if I was feeling down or needed a reminder to slow down.

Growing Collection of Face Masks: If I am going to wear face masks to protect myself and others, I might as well have some interesting ones. Currently have around twenty masks that I wear and wash, all of them with some distinct pattern or fabric to have them stand out. I'm likely going to be buying a few more in the new year because I'm really like wearing them.

Honorable Mentions: Ghost of Tsushima; Animal Crossing: New Horizons; Paper Mario: The Origami King; Tatort - German Crime Drama; Motorweek's Retro Reviews on YouTube; Newton and the Counterfeiter by Thomas Levenson;  x + y: A Mathematician's Manifesto for Rethinking Gender by Eugenia Cheng (currently reading, may appear in my 2021 10 Questions).

What will you be leaving behind in 2020?

This one hurts but it is the "old normal". I remember listening to a podcast about a couple of months after starting working from home and one of the hosts brought up that the old normal isn't coming back. We need to take time and mourn the loss. I didn't know what to make of this at the time, but it really started to sink in as this mess slowly continued throughout the year.

Think about how much has changed in your day to day routine. For example, I don't leave the house unless I really need to get something from the grocery store, taking the dog for a walk, or going for a drive to clear my head. A lot of places I would have normally gone are either only allowing pickup or closed down. I haven't seen anyone outside my family since March and have seen only a couple of relatives since then.

No one knows what comes after the virus is at a state where all of us can resume some sort of 'normal'. Will our favorite places still be around? Is virtual learning going to be the next step for schools? Are we going to watching new movies over streaming services and not at a theater? Will online shopping take over as the main source of getting goods?

There's a lot of unknowns that will not have an answer for quite some time. But I have started to mourn that the old normal is gone. As much I hate it and don't know what's next, I know that I have to ready myself in some fashion.

What do you hope to accomplish in 2021?

Unfortunately, a lot of the stuff I want to work on in the coming year depends on what happens with the rollout of the vaccine and containing the virus. There are a few things I have marked as priorities.

Moving into my first place: So I never have talked about this publicly except to a few close people, but I'm really looking forward to moving out and into an apartment. Originally I was planning to do it this year, but then everything came to a screeching halt. This proved to be a blessing in disguise as I was able to save a bit more money so that I had two months of rent and the security deposit. I have a few places in mind and the goal is to move in before the end of March. That will give me enough time to figure out several items such as insurance.

Writing: I feel like this is something I mention every year. Some progress is made, but not as much as I would like. This past year, I was hoping to branch out by doing more with this blog and starting a couple of projects that had been sitting around for a while. But none of those things happened. Next year, I have some maintenance items to do for the personal blog. I don't know if I'll have anything worth writing about at the moment since my brain is currently recovering from a pile of mush. As for the projects, I'm hoping to launch one sometime in the next few months. The other is going to sit on the sidelines still as I still need to work out some items with that.

Keeping Records: I always think that I remember 'x' and I don't need to write anything down about it, and it turns out I do forget. Yeah, I'm wanting to change that for this coming year. Primarily, I'm doing this for any vehicle I review because it might be months before I start writing, and have forgotten key parts I wanted to mention. This is also something I want to do with books, video games, and music as a way to remember what I enjoyed throughout a given year.

It would be at this point I would end this postmortem with some pithy note about 2020 getting kicked out and 2021 hopefully being a massive improvement. Except that feels quite insincere. We have various vaccines rolling out, but it remains a massive question as to how fast and whether or not enough people take it. There's also the toll on mental health that is only going to get larger not only from those working in hospitals but in other fields. I could go on with other items, but you get a general idea.

[randomnotesofmyown]

Psycho-Pass (7-8)

Episode 7 - Symbolism of Bletilla Striata

Ouryou visited her bedridden father. She thought to herself, "Everyone here is the same. They don't notice anything. They don't say anything. And they don't think anything. They are merely a shell of their former selves and soon they will disappear like the melting snow. This epidemic leads innocent people to their death. And yet its pathogen will never be eradicated. This is a disease called serenity, a form of death that people have wished for."

Ginoza, Kogami and Tsunemori at the park where the "artwork" was found. Ginoza decided to take Kogami off the case because he couldn't allow a detective who was not able to put aside his preconceived notions to be a part of the initial investigation. Kogami walked away. Ginoza then ordered Tsunemori to keep an eye on Kogami so he wouldn't do anything stupid.

Ginoza and the others discussed the similarities between the artwork case and the specimens case while Tsunemori watched Kogami doing his combat training.

After the training session was over, Kogami and Tsunemori started talking about the specimen case, enforcer Sasayama and the circumstances of his death. Kogami said the it looked like the culprit intended to send a message

Tsunemori asked if any leads from the specimen case could be of use to the new case, Kogami said yes and showed Tsunemori a pixelated photo of a man named Makishima.

At Oso academy, more students had gone missing. 

"Ouryou Rikako. Okubo was really crazy about her, right? Rikako seemed to show some interest in her as well. If you ask her, she might know something."

Ouryou in her bedroom reciting a quotation from Kierkegaard that her father liked, "'Because man is superior to animals, in other words, because man is the self, and the spirit, man can be in despair.'" Then, she went to give her own reflection. "Unless you know despair, you cannot know hope. My father used dismembered bodies as the subject of many of his drawings. That's because they symbolize the contradictory nature of the self. I had great respect for my father. He was aware of his obligation as an artist and continued to focus intently on using his creations to enlighten people. I think even now that he was indeed a great artist. Especially because of that, I really can't forgive him for abandoning that duty halfway through. Yesterday, my father passed away. He's been as good as dead for a while, but finally even his heart gave in. But I'm okay. I'm not sad. I' his daughter, will carry out my father's duty together with you guys. Don't you think that's wonderful? It's exciting...right, Yoshika?"

Makishima in his house having a conversation with his guest. They talked about the benefits of stress before psycho-pass check was introduced. "For some time, it's been understood that moderate stress has beneficial effects. For example, it stimulates the immune system. As they say, it's a motivation in your life. You can even call it a reason for living. However, once Psycho-pass checks became routine, people have found their sense of stress numbed so much that patients who can't even recognize stimulation itself started appearing. Once that happens, they're the same as living corpses. Soon their autonomic nervous system stops functioning on its own and their vital functions shut down."

Makishima continued to point out Ouryou Rikako's father also suffered from eustress deficiency and discussed his works.  "He was a genius in drawing cruel, vivid nightmares using girls' bodies as motifs. However, he himself was a man of quite strict morality. Well, it's not uncommon for there to be a disconnect between the creator and the impression their creations give. But in Rouichi's case, there was a firm ideology there. According to him, by becoming firmly aware of the cruelty that's hiding in the dark depths of the human heart, humans can foster the common sense, ability to reason, and goodwill that can control that cruelty. He defined his creation activities as enlightening people about that. However, the spread of psycho-pass assessments ended this role that he had decided for himself. People don't have to control themselves anymore. Instead, they can now maintain their mental health through machine assessments. I heard...that Rouichi welcomed this technology. Whatever the means was, his ideals of humans having a healthy and sound mind has been realized. As a result, though, his mission had ended and his life lost its meaning."

He became addicted to the stress care technology. "As a result, he became a living corpse who couldn't even sit up on the bed, huh?" Makishima's guest pondered.

"It's as if Ouryou Rouichi was killed twice. First, his talent was killed by science and technology. And then, his soul was killed by society." 

"I hope she finds some meaning beyond revenge, though."

While Makishima and his guest made this long conversation about Ouryou Rouichi and Ouryou Rikako, the music played in the background was identified as Beethoven's 9th symphony - Ode to Joy. And there is this entry at Wikipedia describing this music as a protest anthem through the years.

Ouryou Rikako called Choe Gu-Sung. Then she packed and went to what appeared to be a lab and entered. She started creating her third artwork with Yoshika's body.

The second artwork was found in a park.

Ouryou Rikako was painting as Kawarazaki Kagami asked her about Okubo Yoshika. Kawarazaki walked over to Ouryou and saw her painting

Ouryou stood up saying

And she injected something to Kawarazaki

The girl instantly collapsed to the floor.

When Kawarazaki came to, she found herself tied up and gagged, lying on the floor facing the naked body of Okubo Yoshika in a glass container filled with chemicals.

Ouryou appeared behind her. "A touching reunion with your childhood friend. It's an emotionally stirring scene, isn't it? It really makes me cry. I want to reenact this moving scene in a place more and more people can see it. Having such thoughts may indeed be the fate of an artist. "

A desperate gagged scream.

End of episode 7.

Episode 8 - And then, silence

Makishima and Ouryou Rikako talked about the targets she chose, the education policy at Oso Academy and where Ouryou would display her artwork next.

The agents were gathering evidence at Oso academy.

Tsunemori and Kogami discussed their take on the spiecemen case and the artwork case. Tsunemori thought the culprit would be the same person but Kogami thought otherwise. Kogami explained that in the spiecemen case, the victims's bodies were dismembered in ways to convey messages, and the locations they were found varied. But this time, both bodies were found in a park. The setup is boring. 

Kogami concluded that they lacked something critical: originality.

"To Toma Kouzaburo, murdering people was just about preparing materials. Up to that point, it's the same in the current murder case. But from that point, the ways they worked on the bodies are totally different. I get a totally different picture of the culprit. He's highly intelligent and is assigned to a job with a high income by Sibyl's judgment. But he's quite young, or he's someone whose mental age is young. Considering the bodies didn't show many indignities of a sexual nature, we can guess that he wasn't abused as a child." Kogami ended his profiling of the culprit and then requested to go out, Tsunemori said she would have to come along.

Kogami and Tsunemori headed to Tokorozawa Correction and Rehabilitation Center (所沢矯正保謢センタ－) to talk to an artist inmate. He showed the inmate photos of recent artworks. The inmate commented that they looked like works done by Ouryou Rouichi. The two agents had no clue who Ouryou Rouichi was. The inmate showed them one of the artwork by Ouryou Rouichi that he had in his collection.

And added that they sold for good money because they contained firm fundamental themes.

Kogami thanked the inmate for his help and turned to Tsunemori, asking if the name Ouryou brought up anything. Tsunemori found that a student at Oso academy had the same family name. 

Kogami headed straight to the Oso Academy, located Ouryou and pointed a dominator at her.

The teacher who tagged along Kogami tried to stop him from firing and Ouryou seized the opportunity to run. She escaped.

The agents inspected Ouryou's drawings. Kagami's friend saw it and identified her friend.

The agents gathered at the control room, checking footages to locate Ouryou Rikako. Ginoza asked how Kogami found out about this suspect. "The culprit this time decided where to exhibit bodies based solely on whether or not it catches people's attention."

The retrieval of footage with Ouryou Rikako done, and Kogami spotted one image of the girl that was on her own, unaccompanied by others.

After hearing the reply that the camera was at the garbage disposal facility behind the dorm, Kogami headed to that location immediately. The other agents followed him.

It was completely dark inside. Then someone switched the lights on and they saw another artwork.

In the teacher's room, Makishima replayed the recording of Kogami's deduction and was impressed. Makishima's colleague approached, addressed him as Mr. Shibata, and asked if he was interested in music as well. Another colleague rushed in and told everyone in the room that students' bodies were found. Everyone ran out of the room, leaving Makishima alone. He tempered with the CCTV recordings.

Kogami realized it. Yet he managed to reconstruct the audio part of the damaged footage.

Ouryou was still on the run. She asked Choe Gu-sung if the route she was on was the right one. No reply. She looked back, and found no one. Then she got a call from Makishima. "Just in case, I'd like to ask you a question before this is all over. Ouryou Rikako, do you yourself realize how you came to disappoint me? " Ouryou had no clue. "Well...if you don't realize it, then I guess you can't even reflect on it. As I suspected, it seems that I can't expect any more growth from you. It's unfortunate. At first, I thought you had a bright future. " Ouryou asked what Makishima meant by that. "I think this is a line by Tamora, the Queen of Goths. 'So should I rob my sweet sons of their fee. No, let them satisfy their lust on thee.'" Ouryou's mobile phone network died.

"'The hunt is up, the morn is bright and grey. The fields are fragrant and the woods are green. Uncouple here and let us make a bay.'" Makishima continued quoting the Queen of Goths. 

"'They told me, here, at dead time of the night, a thousand fiends, a thousand hissing snakes, ten thousand swelling toads, as many urchins, would make sure fearful and confused cries.'"

Ouryou hid in the dark, relieved at the sight that the thing (electric hound) walked past without noticing her. She stepped right into a trap.  

"'Listen, fair madam: let it be your glory to see her tears; but be your heart to them as unrelenting flint to drops of rain.'"

Rikako tapped open her father's photo on her phone. An electric hound found her.

"'So, now go tell, and if thy tongue can speak, who 'twas that cut thy tongue and ravish'd thee. Write down thy mind, bewray thy meaning so. And if thy stumps will let thee play the scribe.'"

As Ouryou was being pursued and injured by the hound, Makishima's guest hummed the tune of Ode to Joy.

Makishima's guest appeared in front of Ouryou Rikako

The man said coldly that "you don't have to worry about that." Then he fired.

After Rikako died, Makishima made a request that information about Kogami be gathered, adding that Kogami's insight and ability to grasp were quite interesting.

End of episode 8.

Comment: Episode seven: It seems Makishima's view was that the technology had become all-encompassing in every aspect of human life that humans no longer have to make decisions on their own, that since everything had been taken care of, humans got reduced to living things only. And he wanted to rebel against that system, he wanted to see how humans cope without that system, maybe that's why Ode to Joy was used as the background music when Makishima made that long speech about Ouryou Rouichi's art and how he lost his life's meaning to science and technology.

Episode eight: Makishima spent a great part of episode eight quoting Tamora, a villain from Shakespeare's Titus Androinicus. I googled and found that this villain was very consumed with the thought to revenge against Titus Abdroinicus, the general who captured her. And she made elaborate plans to carry out her revenge on everyone mattered to Titus. So it seems a major theme on Makishima's mind was revenge. And as with Mido, when Makishima got bored with Rikako, he discarded her without mercy. And he's guest, a hunter with two electric hounds, hunted Rikako down, injured her, and then killed her with a shot to the head. Merciless, manipulative, vengeful, with utter disregard of life, such are the components of Makishima's personality.