#watching it online should be completely safe tho
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shallyouobeyme Ā· 1 year ago
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For the ā€œspicyā€ prompt im imagining Platonic Yandere Batfam discovering your internet history, and having a confrontation about how youā€™re far too young for such things (reader is a full adult, not that the Batfam sees it that way).
I sadly already have something written out for today, but I really love this idea so I decided that I'd just go into the concept a bit as well - I mean I make the rules to this so I might as well use that power.
Okay, so I don't really write smut as of now because I don't read it and I do have not a lot of real-life experience so I figure it might just be a lot of cringy blabbering. But let's go with the 'spicey' meaning that horny adolescents will probably think of when reading the word in the context of fanfiction.
Now you're probably somewhere in the span of 16-20 in this scenario, old enough to live independently on your own, but young enough that the batfam can somehow justify it in their mind to treat you like a precious, fragile, little toddler. Sure, some of them logically know that you're basically a grown-up, but with how much effed-up shit they see every day they don't really wanna admit that to themselves and rather chose to act all 'I do not see'. And while that's all fine and dandy for them to do, it doesn't change the logical facts. Fact number one: You grew out of binkies and blankies like a decade ago, for god's sake Dick stop trying to make me take ten naps a day with them. Fact number two: Like I said, you're kind of (definitely) an adult and assuming that you have not always been the coddled little Wayne-baby that the Batfam wants to see you as you've probably been exposed to adult things before and aren't sensitive with seeing them. Like, guys, I was reading the news daily before you crazy people kidnapped me - stop talking about international crises as if the countries are people who have minor disagreements, okay? Fact number three: there comes a time in an adult's life when they might be craving a somewhat more intimate partner in their life - and no, Damian, I don't mean the bestest friend in the whole world forever, I mean a guy or a gal or a nonbinary pal who can rock your shit, if you get my drift (never dare say that to Damian out loud tho, you will be having your mouth washed out with soap). So while it might be a giant oversight on your part to not realize that all your precious internet time is completely monitored, you still probably haven't expected to be sat down by Bruce, Dick, Jason and Alfred and get a lecture on how you're way too little to look up these kinds of things (you looked up TikTok videos and happened to watch a few with TikTokers dancing in slightly less covered clothing) and how your mind is too undeveloped to grasp these big things you searched for (you looked up a statistic on the rate of kidnapping victims to get killed) and how you should keep playing your safe games instead of these violent ones (you looked at a game trailer for Cyberpunk 2077).
All your arguing falls on deaf ears. They just don't wanna hear that you're not their little, innocent baby. The only good thing is that they don't think you have enough logical thinking skills yet to properly grasp the situation so you'll be punished very lightly (a month without internet privileges). Once you're allowed to go online again though, you'll have to make do with the special kiddy-pad they got you with all the safety features and parental controls installed. So yeah, might wanna get used to being without the internet from now on...
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just-a-carrot Ā· 8 months ago
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Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.
So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.
Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.
All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.
I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!
I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.
There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.
So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?
Thank you in advance!
oh gosh what a question ldkjfadl
hmmmm
putting this under a cut because it got long and rambly lakdfa
for me personally i don't think i've ever made that many "right" choices when it comes to how i handle my online presence in game dev, it was mostly just me doing what seemed like the right thing to do at the time. it's also changed a lot all throughout my time as a dev
tho i guess the main thing is that i did create a whole new game dev online identity, so to speak, when i first got into game dev. this wasn't really due to any purposeful thought put into it though and was more just because 1) i didn't really have much online identity anyway at the time and 2) in the beginning i was trying to be more "professional" LOL
when i released easter, i did it without any presence at all. i had no accounts or anything. i literally just finished the game and threw it up on itch and gamejolt using the new studio name i had come up with based on an inside work joke. it wasn't until i started to get a few people talking about the game or linking to it/making vids that i was like hmmm i should have a twitter maybe LOL so like a week later i made a twitter. but i barely posted on it, it was just responding to other people. a year later when i released the 2.0 update i also made a few posts. then thought i might start using it more so started posting just a few random updates of new stuff i was trying out/working on (this was when i made my first couple of posts about early OW stuff)
but then when i shifted out of game dev again for a while, i abandoned it
it wasn't until august of 2021 that i began actively using my account again to post production updates for work on ow. but back then i was a lot more "emotionless" for lack of a better word. like i approached it in a more no-nonsense way than i do today. i also never got that much response from it either, usually lucky to get like 2 or 3 likes on stuff šŸ¤£ over the course of that first year or so though i would change a lot in how i handled my online stuff, acting much more like myself, interacting a lot more with people, and getting increasingly more unhinged(???) LOL perhaps because i'd begun to see that being "super professional" when i'm just a little random person making a game all by myself there's no reason to be so stiff (and it's just much more fun and genuine to not be afraid to be myself and be a bit silly). over this time was also when i'd shift away from using my studio name and just taking the "carrot" identity. because i realized i didn't like people thinking about me as an impersonal studio and wanted to just be me, carrot, interacting with people, making games, and getting unhinged about my chars and stories
is this the right way to do it???? i have no idea. but perhaps since i never have any aspirations of grandeur and don't plan to be any kind of business, it's fine for me. and while it's true that i don't like to post, reblog, interact with, content unrelated to my games or other VN stuff, that's mostly because i don't want to annoy people who i know only follow me for game stuff (i worry about annoying people a lot, actually, it might be one of the core foundations for how i handle myself online LMAO). i don't have any other presence online though. once i started my game dev stuff, carrot became me, and it's all that's out there. so it's not like i need to "separate" anything. but also i'm not a very avid user of social media in general so it's not like i have an active desire to have different accounts so i can tweet about or comment on other stuff lakdjfasd i'm an old socially anxious duck who gets mentally exhausted just scrolling my feed. i don't need to spend any more time online than i already do with my game dev stuff hahaha. i do know some other devs though for instance that have private accounts on twitter just for their friends and more personal thoughts. so that's always an option too
as for what you should do in your own situation with your own online presence, i'm not really sure, as it all comes down to what you want. for me, since i didn't have much presence anyway, and because i wanted my game dev stuff to be its own thing, it made sense for me to create a new presence just for game dev (that eventually evolved into my entire self LKDJFAS). so it's hard for me to say what would be the best course of action if you already have an online presence that forms a core part of your identity that you don't want to lose. it also depends on what you want to eventually do with your games and if you see yourself really wanting to pursue it actively and make it a big part of your life. most devs that i know do have "game dev" presences for lack of a better word, where if you go to their accounts, it's just for game dev. or they create studios and studio accounts. i think no matter what you decide to do, even if you keep the name the same, it would probably be best to at least keep your game dev stuff separate, because people could potentially be put off from following an account for games but then their feed gets filled with a lot of non-game stuff from you that they don't care about
no matter what you decide to do though, i recommend being yourself no matter what. whether you keep with your same identity or craft a new game dev only one, still do what feels right for you on that account and be yourself and have fun with it!! game dev can already be such an isolating and hard experience, so creating a space where you can be silly and have fun with other devs and fun with your chars and ideas can really help so much to give you motivation and just enjoy your time creating games!!!
(sorry if this was a complete ramble that didn't even still fully answer the question; i can only speak from my own personal experiences that i went through after all and i don't really have any good or professional answers since i also have no idea what i'm doing most of the time šŸ¤£)
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hazelthevixen Ā· 2 months ago
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Birthday month! VRChat, updates, vacations, and more!
Happy spoopy month everyone ^-^ or as I sometimes call it, my birthday month! That's right, my birthday is real soon! ^w^ I hope to go to big city on my birthday and enjoy a fun day out! and I'll be able to celebrate it even more when I go home because I'll be planning a fun halloween birthday event on my friends only server The Furry Pack >w< We're gonna be calling, roleplaying, watching shows and movies, and playing fun games that might include Animal Jam, Toontown, and VRChat :D I'm still learning my way around vrchat but I've been having alotta fun with friends on there, it's great! ^w^ I don't actually have a custom avatar yet, not even of my fox self I'm afraid, but I did find a cool avatar I like and it's my new pokesona! Yes I have a pokesona now :3 I was indecisive for a while until my dreams decided what I should be XD You'll find out more about it once I finish this short comic o mine ^w^ Yes this comic is based on a dream I had :D I had several dreams like that being in the same form, I now have some funny concept stories of this new form of mine ehehe X3 But yea if any of you guys play vrchat too, if you know me, feel free to add me! :3 keep in mind I do tend to stutter alot tho, I also look and sound alot younger than my actual age. hope that's alright! I don't mean to be annoying ^-^; I'm extremely shy so I set the game so I can only hear friends and not the public. As a new player I've heard both good things and bad things about the game so I guess it's kinda like how discord is sometimes Anywho, fun plans for my birthday and halloween I'm looking forward to it ^-^ My birthday is 2 days before halloween :D Halloween will also be around the time where Minty, Chip, and Cookie will finally be united and fully introduced! So far I've been seeing alot of good signs observing them, my guinea pigs often tend to popcorn after they sniff each other through the bars, and when I brought them all out for cuddles, the new pups Cookie and Minty huddled under Chip! they're quite young so maybe Chip's a fatherly figure to them ^-^ I hear guinea pig pups tend to do this with their parents to feel safe, so that's a good sign :3 Their introductions are going really well and I'm feeling pretty optimistic that they're gonna get along just fine ^w^ Also just a lil heads up: somewhere around november I'll be going on hiatus completely because good news, I'm going abroad! I'm going on a nice warm vacation to escape the horrible cold weather we get every autumn and winter. Oh yis, gotta love warm days and sunshine ^w^ I'm like a swallow, I like the idea of migrating south for the winter X3 I love summer but winter is just the wooorst.. DX That's why I hope to go abroad more so I can get away from all the cold and enjoy more fun days at beaches and whatnot, plus I'll be having all kinds of adventures and seeing all kinds of cool places so that'll be fun ^w^ I really like travelling I wish I could do it more as it makes me really happy, I do love a nice fun adventure and exploring new places :3 The world really does fascinate me.. I've tried food around the world, I've listened to music around the world, now I just have to explore it! >:3 I will work hard towards achieving my dreams on travelling the world, I will work towards a great future! >w< Wish me luck ^w^ Oh and I'm also gonna take a social media hiatus on my birthday as I like to focus on celebrating good times with all my loved ones, and that's my friends ofcourse! whether you're online or offline, you all seem like real friends to me either way šŸ’› and I'm glad to have you guys because it took me while to realise who was real and who was fake but I knew it was all worth it in the end because the realest people always stay and support and I appreciate your loyalty so thank you I love you guys :3 If any of my friends haven't added me on discord yet and would like to join my server events, feel free to lemme know and I'll try and add you on there aswell as vrchat if you play it. Don't worry, once I'm back from my birthday break, I'll see all your gifts and birthday wishes laterrrrr :3 I'm pretty chill when it comes to late gifts, but friends if you prefer to share gifts on the day, you'll have my discord ofcourse ^w^ I'm really sorry that art has been slow lately, like I mentioned I've been working really hard on trying to finish this short comic based on a dream I had, and my hands are full with art in general so I'm working on a ton of things. gotta try and get em finished before certain dates QwQ But don't worry it'll be worth it and I'm sure you'll love it when it's out ^-^ Thank you all for your patience and support it means alot :3 And thank you to all my friends for always being there for me, you guys always make me happy and I'm thankful for all the comfort, support, happiness, and quality time in general :3 Shoutout to all my pals! go follow em X3 Anywho, that's all for today's journal. If you've reached this far and read everything then thank you for listening! ā˜† Ā°Ė–āœ§ā—(ā°ā–æā°)ā—œāœ§Ė–Ā° ā˜† *throws sparkles then cheerfully waves as the journal reaches its end*
Please be nice when commenting! I refuse to be criticised so please accept that. If you're gonna be mean, don't say anything at all. Thankies for checking out my post! Meep meep! ćƒ½(ā—•ćƒ®ā—•)ļ¾‰ I'm on other places too! ^-^
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mwagneto Ā· 5 years ago
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chris you're the god of pirating movies and shows, pls tell me where can i watch hollywood online and free sjfjfkfkdk
I use a program called Ī¼Torrent, gimme a second I explained this to someone p well
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So this is how I got Hollywood, I started the download as soon as I woke up and it finished in like two hours so yeah uhh if this is too complicated you can also check out gowatchseries and hdmo.tv and primewire.li, im sure they have it
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grapesodatozier Ā· 3 years ago
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so close to the real thing (closer than you think)
rating: explicit
word count: 6.8k
summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.
You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.
tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them
notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!
read on ao3 or below!!
notsfw under the cut
Eddie Kaspbrakā€™s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. Heā€™d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartmentā€”one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.
There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didnā€™t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.
Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.
It was harder to ignore tonight. Heā€™d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddieā€™s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddieā€™s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.
There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richieā€™s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richieā€™s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richieā€™s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.
But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadnā€™t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadnā€™t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys heā€™d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they justā€¦ werenā€™t Richie.
He supposed this guy on tumblr wasnā€™t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guyā€™s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richieā€™s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.
Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richieā€™s old shirts that had been Eddieā€™s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richieā€™s blog. A thrill went through Eddieā€™s body when he saw that he had just posted. Heā€™d written, ā€œgod my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so badā€ then reblogged it and added, ā€œreminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.ā€ Eddieā€™s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richieā€™s.
Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, ā€œwhat i wouldnā€™t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,ā€ and, ā€œin the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.ā€ One that made Eddie nearly choke said, ā€œwant someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.ā€ That post had Eddie getting out his lube.
It also had him thinking about internet-Richieā€™s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.
Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. Heā€™d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didnā€™t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and heā€™d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how heā€™d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.
Eddie just messaged him a simple, ā€œhi,ā€ with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.
Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadnā€™t been expecting a response at all. But he said:
hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me
Eddie flushed. He couldnā€™t help but hear cutie in his-Richieā€™s voiceā€”especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.
fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type
Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it shouldā€™ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.
thereā€™s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.
His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.
oh, u dont think so?
why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;
Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crushā€™s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddieā€™s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.
But just because the thought turned him on didnā€™t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.
youā€™d like that, wouldnā€™t you?
He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didnā€™t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.
fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)
Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddieā€™s Richie. This was unreal.
iā€™ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.
ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn
Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe
aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?
Eddie blushed. Heā€™d kind of always hoped heā€™d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didnā€™t know you read those
oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, arenā€™t you? ;) itā€™s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up
Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.
what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll
Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himselfā€”well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew heā€™d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.
well fuck baby since ur begging ;)
Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.
What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richieā€™s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so heā€™d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richieā€™s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie mustā€™ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldnā€™t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.
Richieā€™s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.
Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richieā€™s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.
He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?
As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richieā€™s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.
He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.
He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasnā€™t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.
Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, ā€œIā€™m coming!ā€ Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. ā€œCan I help you?ā€ he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddieā€™s body.
ā€œFuck,ā€ he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddieā€™s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didnā€™t meet his gazeā€”instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddieā€™s bedroom.
ā€œRichie?ā€ Eddie asked, a little let down that Richieā€™s hands werenā€™t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddieā€™s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, ā€œI was kind of in the middle of something.ā€
Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. ā€œEds, you fucking slut,ā€ he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. ā€œYou are so fucking hot.ā€
Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldnā€™t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. ā€œYou gonna do anything about it?ā€ Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.
ā€œI think I already have been,ā€ Richie said, still grinning.
Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldnā€™t help but smile back. ā€œOh yeah? How do you figure that?ā€
Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I donā€™t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video heā€™d sent to internet-Richie.
Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.
ā€œOh my god, thatā€™s you?ā€ Eddie cried in disbelief.
ā€œYouā€™re telling me you didnā€™t recognize this dick?ā€ Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.
ā€œHow did you recognize it was me?ā€
Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddieā€™s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. ā€œWhat other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?ā€
Eddie grinned and shook his head. ā€œThat doesnā€™t even make sense.ā€
ā€œWell pardon me for not being especially eloquent when Iā€™ve just learned that the guy Iā€™ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.ā€
Eddieā€™s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. ā€œYouā€™re in love with me?ā€ he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.
Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. ā€œHave been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.ā€
Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richieā€™s gaze. ā€œI love you too.ā€
Richieā€™s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richieā€™s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richieā€™s.
It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richieā€™s hands were on Eddieā€™s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richieā€™s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richieā€™s chest. He curled his fingers into Richieā€™s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddieā€™s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddieā€™s indignant little whine.
ā€œOh, you mean you donā€™t want me to take off my shirt right now?ā€ he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.
ā€œOh,ā€ he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richieā€™s chest. It wasnā€™t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richieā€™s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. ā€œFuck, Richie,ā€ he sighed before pressing his lips to Richieā€™s collarbones, trailing them all over Richieā€™s beautiful chest.
Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddieā€™s hair. ā€œDamn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.ā€
ā€œOh, fuck off,ā€ Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richieā€™s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richieā€™s hands slid slowly down Eddieā€™s sides. His hands lingered on Eddieā€™s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddieā€™s ass, making him gasp.
ā€œIs that any way to talk to the guy whoā€™s about to rail you ā€˜til you canā€™t walk?ā€
ā€œWhatā€™re you gonna do about it?ā€ Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. ā€œSpank me?ā€
ā€œYouā€™d like that, wouldnā€™t you?ā€ Richie smirked. He gave Eddieā€™s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richieā€™s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, ā€œLittle brat,ā€ and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddieā€™s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richieā€™s tongue was teasing his had Eddieā€™s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what heā€™d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it allā€”about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie upā€”he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richieā€™s cock so deep inside of him.
ā€œRichie,ā€ he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richieā€™s belt loops, ā€œplease.ā€ He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.
ā€œFuck, youā€™re a needy little thing, arenā€™t you?ā€ His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.
Eddie shoved his face into Richieā€™s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richieā€™s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. ā€œRichie,ā€ he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.
ā€œWhat do you want, baby?ā€ Richieā€™s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. ā€œCome on, tell me, use your words.ā€
Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. ā€œI need you inside,ā€ Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richieā€™s grip. ā€œGod, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I canā€™t even think. Fuck me like Iā€™m your little toy.ā€
Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, heā€™d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing tooā€”and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. ā€œYeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think youā€™re ready for me?ā€
ā€œYes,ā€ Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richieā€™s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. ā€œā€˜M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.ā€ He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.
ā€œOh honey, thatā€™s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.ā€ Eddieā€™s breath caught; that toy wasnā€™t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richieā€™s fingers were cool against Eddieā€™s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddieā€™s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddieā€™s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richieā€™s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didnā€™t even know how long; he couldnā€™t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldnā€™t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, ā€œGod, youā€™re gorgeous, Eds.ā€ Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddieā€™s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan heā€™d ever heard. ā€œFuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?ā€ Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.
ā€œRichie, please,ā€ Eddie whimpered. ā€œI need you so bad.ā€ He sat up, reaching for Richieā€™s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richieā€™s dominance took Eddieā€™s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddieā€™s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richieā€™s waistband. Then Richieā€™s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. ā€œRichie,ā€ he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. ā€œStop being such a tease.ā€
Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddieā€™s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richieā€™s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richieā€™s cock.
ā€œOh, fuck,ā€ they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.
ā€œFuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,ā€ Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldnā€™t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.
ā€œā€˜M not that little,ā€ Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. Heā€™d never been good at pretending not to like Richieā€™s compliments, however teasing.
ā€œAw, but you are, baby,ā€ Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddieā€™s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. ā€œYouā€™re so cute and tiny for me. I donā€™t even know if weā€™ll be able to fit my cock inside you.ā€
ā€œI can,ā€ Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richieā€™s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddieā€™s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.
ā€œYou sure about that, babydoll?ā€ While the teasing note was still there, Richieā€™s voice got noticeably softer as he said, ā€œI donā€™t wanna hurt you.ā€
Eddieā€™s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richieā€™s face in his hands, he insisted, ā€œI can take it.ā€ Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. ā€œRichie, please, I want you so bad.ā€
ā€œOkay, baby,ā€ Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddieā€™s palm. ā€œFuck, I want you, too.ā€ But he stalled. ā€œHave you everā€¦ like, been fucked before?ā€
Eddie flushed. ā€œWell, not by someone else, but I have some toys. Iā€™m not gonna break, Richie.ā€ He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.
ā€œIā€™m your first?ā€ His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.
ā€œI didnā€™t wanna do it with anyone else,ā€ Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.
ā€œFuck, I never thought youā€™d want me,ā€ he chuckled. ā€œSorry, that was depressing, I just mean I canā€™t believe we didnā€™t do this sooner, you know?ā€
Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. ā€œWell itā€™ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.ā€ But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richieā€™s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.
ā€œAlright, alright, sheesh, I know Iā€™m hot but you donā€™t gotta rush me.ā€ Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. ā€œWhereā€™s your lube?ā€
Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. ā€œOh, right,ā€ Richie smirked, ā€œyouā€™re already wet for me, arenā€™t you?ā€ Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddieā€™s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richieā€™s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they werenā€™t what he wanted in that moment.
ā€œRichie, fuck me,ā€ he whined.
ā€œAw, no please? Again?ā€ Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddieā€™s prostate, making him cry out. ā€œI told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.ā€
ā€œPlease,ā€ Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richieā€™s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. ā€œPlease fuck me, please.ā€ He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richieā€™s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.
ā€œGood boy,ā€ he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richieā€™s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richieā€™s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddieā€™s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddieā€™s hole.
ā€œYes,ā€ Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. ā€œRichie, please.ā€ Meeting his gaze, he said softly, ā€œI need you.ā€
ā€œIā€™ve got you,ā€ Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddieā€™s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldnā€™t believe this was happening. He couldnā€™t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldnā€™t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richieā€™s face. Eddieā€™s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. ā€œAre you alright?ā€ Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. ā€œYou donā€™t have to take all of it if itā€™s too much.ā€
Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. ā€œJust need a minute,ā€ he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddieā€™s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richieā€™s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddieā€™s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richieā€™s shoulders.
Richie immediately stopped. ā€œYou okay, baby?ā€ he asked, caressing Eddieā€™s face.
Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldnā€™t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. ā€œIā€™m okay,ā€ he said breathlessly. ā€œItā€™s just a little different from my vibrator.ā€ They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddieā€™s.
ā€œBetter, I hope?ā€ he grinned.
ā€œCanā€™t tell yet,ā€ Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the airā€”and attitudeā€”from Eddieā€™s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldnā€™t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing heā€™d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. Theyā€™d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddieā€™s head reeling. Eddieā€™s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, ā€œFuck.ā€
ā€œYeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?ā€
Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, ā€œI love you.ā€
Richieā€™s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddieā€™s, his hands roaming over Eddieā€™s body like he couldnā€™t choose where to put them, where to touch him. ā€œI love you so much,ā€ he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddieā€™s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richieā€™s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richieā€™s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richieā€™s. ā€œFuck, youā€™re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.ā€
Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richieā€™s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddieā€™s mind. ā€œFeels so good,ā€ he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richieā€™s waist. ā€œPlease, Richie, please.ā€
ā€œFuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,ā€ Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.
ā€œOh my god,ā€ Eddie cried, ā€œohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.ā€ It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richieā€™s hand on him. ā€œRichie, please,ā€ he whimpered, ā€œplease, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.ā€ Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.
ā€œFuck, youā€™re so hard for me,ā€ Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddieā€™s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. ā€œAw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?ā€
ā€œFuck, yes!ā€ Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richieā€™s touch, of his thrusts. ā€œYes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.ā€
ā€œThatā€™s a good boy,ā€ Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richieā€™s voice was. He groaned out, ā€œCome on my cock like a good boy, princess,ā€ and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, ā€œFuck, baby, gonna come,ā€ Eddie felt like a live wire again.
ā€œIn me,ā€ he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. ā€œRichie, come inside me, please.ā€
Richie apparently didnā€™t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, ā€œOh, fuck,ā€ before burying his face in Eddieā€™s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddieā€™s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richieā€™s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richieā€™s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richieā€™s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasnā€™t a single thought in his head that wasnā€™t about Richie.
Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richieā€™s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. ā€œHoly, fuck,ā€ Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.
ā€œI know,ā€ Eddie said, returning Richieā€™s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richieā€™s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. ā€œI love you,ā€ he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldnā€™t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richieā€™s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddieā€™s.
ā€œI love you so fucking much.ā€ Richieā€™s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.
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thetiredstuff Ā· 2 years ago
Note
Thank you for the streaming links! Any chance you know where we can watch it after the fact while we wait for it to show up on the cw website?
hi anon!!
yes yes i do cuz you see i don't have a social life and have perfected the art of legally pirating so:
site number 1: flixtor.to
the best site by far to watch shows and movies is flixtor.to. It's free, has zero ads, HD quality & subtitles. Only catch is that they have limited capaity on their servers so when it's a lot of traffic, as a non-paying visitor of the site, you won't get access until it's slower traffic again. Additionally movies older than 6 months and episodes of TV series older than 3 months are only available to VIP users (paying customers)
Site number 2: lookmovie2.to
it's the second best site i've found. HD quality (you just gotta use the gear at the bottom right corner to change the image resolution from 480p to HD), has tons of subtitles & is also free. Has a bunch of older shows as well and movies as well. Downside is that before you can watch an episode you get a pop-up, you just gotta click on the red x a bunchhhhh of times. like not kidding click on it 10 times or so. but after that you're good to go! I'm using it right now to watch Grimm
site number 3: ev01.to
HD/good quality, free, subtitles, tons of stuff. does have pop-up ads tho but that's the price you pay for free streaming. also has multiple servers so if one doesn't work you can try out another unlike website 1 & 2
site number 4: sflix.to
HD/good quality, tons of stuff & free. does have pop-up ads but it also has several different streaming servers unlike website 1 & 2 so if one server doesn't work you can use the other ones.
i've got a whole bunch more but i've only ever needed three sites to find the movies and shows i was looking for so you should be good with these.
new episodes will appear on these sites between 1-3 hours after they've aired for the first time. it can sometimes take longer but that's generally about how fast it appears on the site.
now as far as i know, streaming movies and series is still completely legal. hosting a site that streams it isn't and downloading isn't either but streaming a video is as far as i'm aware when i did my homework two-three years ago. i'm from europe (not germany tho cuz they're very strict) and so i did my homework focussed on the laws in europe but as far as i know streaming videos is universally still allowed.
to be extra safe tho i recommend using a vpn. i have lantern & protonvpn both are free which is why i use them and people will say not to use free vpns but i'm a cheapskate so it is what it is. VPNs are also still legal to use although i know that in countries like the philippines there was i think talk of banning them? so if you're in a country with a government that comes down hard on its citizens when it comes to internet access, i'd look it up to be safe.
if you don't wanna use a VPN an even better option is using Tor Browser which is also free. It's a search engine like safari, google chrome etc. but it was developed by the military like decades ago i believe and then was made public and it's now one of the browsers that journalists who want to hide their tracks from the government use. it's completely legal to use and it basically works as a browser that reroutes your IP address through 5 different "VPNs" but again if you're from a country with an authoritarian regime google if you can use it because China and Russia have banned Tor. To be really really really safe you should combine Tor and a VPN but either also works well.
hope this helps and if you have any more questions, shoot me an (anonymous) message!
PS: If you can do watch the winchesters live or watch it on the cw app the next day, which you can also access using a VPN with a US server because all of that helps the ratings of the winchesters!!
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meltwonu Ā· 4 years ago
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| šŸ’ CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! šŸ’ | Ā  Ā  [CHAPTER 20] FINAL
pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader
this chapterā€™s notes; camshow, sex toys, shibari, dom!seungcheol, dirty talk, overstimulation/forced orgasms, squirting, degradation, name calling, daddy!kink, gags! šŸ˜šŸ’• āœØHAPPY NEW YEAR!!āœØ Hereā€™s to more fun fics in 2021!Ā I canā€™t believe this is our last chapter though omg šŸ˜­ Itā€™s been suuuuch a journey and a privilege to write this little series out! Iā€™ve honestly thought about a camgirl/boy series for like, over a year now, and Iā€™m glad I finally did it! I completed one of my goals! šŸ„ŗšŸ’• 2020 was definitely a wild one, but I want to thank you all so fuckinā€™ much for supporting me and stickinā€™ it out with me all year! Hereā€™s to more in the coming year!šŸ’•Ā Also I was proofreading this at the dining table last night thinking my roommate wouldnā€™t come out of their room but they did(while I was making dinner and my hands were dirty so I couldnt close my laptop ā˜ ļø) and they walked past my laptop and now Iā€™m convinced they saw my fucking smut fic right in the open so yes my little mini-break next week is MUCH needed cause I am āœØembarrassedāœØ šŸ¤£ Iā€™ll still do my inbox roundup tomorrow and probably answer a bunch of small thirst postsĀ ā€˜n stuff throughout the week but there wonā€™t be any drabbles! For now, enjoy chapter 20 šŸ„ŗ, have a safe weekend, and remember that I love you~Ā ā¤ļøšŸ’šŸ’•
chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 COMPLETE
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Seungcheol wakes up much earlier than you do the next morning; pressing a kiss to your forehead as you groan and snuggle deeper into your pillow.
ā€œBaby, I need to go run some errands for a little bit, okay? Just keep sleeping, you donā€™t need to get up yet. But, I made breakfast and put it in the microwave for you when you decide to get up later.ā€
His voice is muffled and you can barely understand what heā€™s saying but you nod; a soft sigh on your lips when you drift back into dreamland. He takes his time getting ready, checking his phone notifications as he gets dressed and places a note on the nightstand knowing that you didnā€™t catch a single word he said.
ā€˜Hey, did you get everything I asked for?ā€™
JiminšŸ§šŸ»: of course, who do you think I am? Jeongguk?
JiminšŸ§šŸ»: and btw, iā€™m just giving you a crash course okay? We donā€™t really have a ton of time
JiminšŸ§šŸ»: did you watch those tutorial videos I sent you?
ā€˜Yeah, I did some practice on my breaks, but I guess you can tell me if Iā€™m doing anything wrong.ā€™
JiminšŸ§šŸ»: okee, iā€™ll be waiting. Donā€™t get here too late!
ā€˜Iā€™ll be otw soon. Thanks again, Jimin.ā€™
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ā€œOw--damn, okay, you donā€™t need to tug on it so much!ā€
ā€œSorry, Iā€™ll be careful! And why are we practicing on you anyway?! Couldnā€™t you just have shown me pictures or something?ā€
ā€œHow else will you learn if not on an actual body? It doesnā€™t work the same way, Seungcheol.ā€ Jimin pauses, checking himself in the mirror. ā€œAlso, keep in mind she does have boobs so justā€¦ go slow, okay? Itā€™s not gonna sit like this on her.ā€
Seungcheol blushes a crimson red; biting the inside of his cheek at how amateur he was at this.
ā€œOkayā€¦ā€
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Seungcheol is gone for a lot longer than you anticipate and although he replies quickly to your texts, you canā€™t help but be curious about where heā€™d gone and what he was doing.
Especially knowing that the two of you had to film tonight and knowing that everything was up to Seungcheol.
A shiver rolls down your body at the thought and you quickly try to shake off the nerves that seem to slowly invade your body when your mind starts to wander.
ā€œItā€™ll be fine, Iā€™m sureā€¦ā€
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ā€œIā€™m home!ā€
ā€œWhere have you--oh, thatā€™sā€¦ a b-big box? Um, should I be concerned...ā€
Seungcheol grins, shrugging as he sets it onto the kitchen counter. ā€œJust some supplies for tonight. I had to go pick them up from a friend but I had to make sure everything was right.ā€ He notices the way you canā€™t seem to take your eyes off of the box; eyes twinkling when he makes his way towards you.
He tilts your head up to meet his in a searing kiss, lips easing into a smile when you wrap your arms around his neck and melt under his touch. You moan against his lips just before he pulls away; staring dreamily at him while his hands start to roam over your clothed body.
ā€œWe have a long night ahead of us, sweetheart. Letā€™s pamper you a little before then, hmm?ā€
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j__min: ??? whereā€™s the loverboy
j__min has donated $200
angelhan has donated $75
therealchan99 has donated $50
xcaliburDK has donated $75
xcaliburDK: is that the sybian? Havenā€™t seen that in a looong while
You bite your lip and nod, somewhat shy as you sit alone in front of the camera. ā€œSeungcheolā€™s stillā€¦ setting up but he told me to start! Iā€™m a little nervous, to be honestā€¦ā€ Your eyes flit to Seungcheol who rummages through the box in the kitchen and from the angle youā€™re sat in, you canā€™t see a single thing he takes out.
Earlier, heā€™d cooked you your favorite meal and even took the time to give you a full body massage before the two of you cuddled on the sofa and watched a movie. To you, it seemed a little too suspiciously tame and you only found yourself more nervous when he made you drink two glasses of water and ever so quietly announced it was time to start getting ready for the camshow.
ā€œHeā€™s being so suspicious! He was even gone for a few hours earlier todayā€¦ā€ You mumble; brows furrowed at the camera before checking the comments.
It still amazed you every time with how much money you and Seungcheol made from the camshows and videos and it made you feel even better knowing that everyone loved the chemistry the two of you had together. There were a lot of video requests and ideas mixed in with the comments at any given time and you were definitely ready to pitch some to Seungcheol now that youā€™d rebranded your channel to be a coupleā€™s channel instead.
ā€œAlmost done, sweetheart!ā€
gc__koo: he told me to watch cuz he was being suspicious with me tooĀ 
gc__koo has donated $50
alphagyu97: what is he even plotting
alphagyu97: i am excited to see the sybian again tho ngl
artist8hao: pretty baby gonna squirt for us again?
universe_WZ: hell fuckin yea let us see how fuckin wrecked you get on that machine
You feel your pussy clench around emptiness at their comments; already feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter with the anticipation.
Movement out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and Seungcheol walks towards the bed with a wide smile and the same box in hand. ā€œReady?ā€ You can only nod back slowly, watching as he dumps the contents of the box right next to your body.
gc__koo: oy
chwenon: oh shit
sleepy_wonu: oh baby, youā€™re in for it now
sleepy_wonu has donated $100
Your entire body fills with warmth as you look over the various objects; unsure of where to really look first. ā€œI, um--ā€
A stack of red ropes sits next to a small bullet vibrator that sits next to a ball gag that sits next to a pair of EMT shears and your eyes immediately flit up to Seungcheol who only smirks back at your shocked expression. ā€œI had some other toys I wanted to use but I figured I should go easy on you, yā€™know? Since you showed me some mercy last night.ā€
Nodding, you reach out towards the ropes, touching them shyly. ā€œWhy red?ā€
ā€œThought theyā€™d be on theme for you, babygirl.ā€
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Seungcheol takes his time; remembering Jiminā€™s words when he tugs the ropes around your wrists.
ā€œColour, babygirl?ā€
ā€œG-greenā€¦ daddyā€¦ā€
He nods, sitting up on his knees behind you as you sit on the sybian and face the camera. You bite your lip, somewhat embarrassed that you were already soaking the toy underneath you as Seungcheol worked to bind your arms behind you.
ā€œD--daddy, where did you l-learn this?ā€ You whisper, somewhat curious if this had anything to do with why he was gone for so long earlier in the day.
ā€œMm, daddyā€™s friend Jimin was kind enough to help me get the tools and teach me a few tricks to make sure I kept my babygirl safe. Wasnā€™t that kind of him?ā€ You nod gently, gulping when you shift atop the machine slightly in hopes of relieving some of the growing sexual tension in your body. ā€œWhy donā€™t you thank him properly, sweetheart?ā€
Your hazy eyes make eye contact with the camera, head tilted slightly. ā€œT-thank you, J-Jiminā€¦ for--for helping daddyā€¦ā€
j__min: omg a shoutout ive made it
kitty_junjun: we never thought weā€™d see the day
tangerine_kwan: and here we all thought you were gonna be the bad guy huh
hoshi_tiger_xx: like when u only see previews of the book online but the rest of it is different ykwim
Seungcheol makes sure your arms are bound snug enough but not too tight; leaning away slightly to admire his rope work. ā€œFeeling okay so far, babygirl?ā€
Nodding, you whine back slightly. ā€œY-yes, daddyā€¦ Butā€¦ my--my pussy wants s-somethingā€¦ā€ He laughs in return, readjusting so that heā€™s sitting on your side this time to give himself easier access to start the rest of the bindings.
ā€œIs that so? Youā€™re gonna have to be a little more patient this time ā€˜cause daddyā€™s not done yet.ā€ He starts working on the rest of the harness; going slow and checking in with you often to make sure none of the ropes were digging into your skin or making you uncomfortable. ā€œYouā€™ll have to forgive me a little though, Iā€™m admittedly a ā€˜lil inexperienced so our pretty babygirl is only going to be tied up in this pretty harness for tonight.ā€
gentleman_josh95: the fact u even took the time to learn just for her
gentleman_josh95 has donated $100
artist8hao: seriously, the dedication
kitty_junjun: we stan a man who knows safety and etiquetteĀ 
Comments of reassurance and donations flood in at Seungcheolā€™s small apology and although the two of you are in your own world; you can tell from just the amount of pings coming from your laptop that they all seemed to be encouraging him.
The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as Seungcheol continues to move around you on the bed to finish the harness and a smile graces his lips when he starts to secure the last knots in the back. He canā€™t help but mentally pat himself on the back at how neatly heā€™d done it for his first time.
ā€œThere. All done, baby.ā€
Your eyes flit to the laptopā€™s screen to see yourself; cheeks hot when you see how fucked out you already look and he hadnā€™t even touched you properly or turned on the machine.
The star harness Seungcheol had tied looks pretty with red ropes and you canā€™t hide your smile at how good it looks on you too either. ā€œAh, daddy made it really p-prettyā€¦ Thank you.ā€
This time, Seungcheol nods, letting you admire yourself as he silently reaches for the small remote for the sybian, switching it on.
Your entire body lurches forward as soon as the vibrations attack your clit and you immediately find yourself moaning and grinding down onto the machine as he gives you some relief. Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re welcome, babygirl. Now letā€™s really have some fun, huh?ā€
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You need to cum.
Badly.
ā€œAwww, is my pretty baby drooling? Does it feel that good on your sensitive ā€˜lil clit?ā€ He teases, smoothing down your hair as you cry around the ball gag in your mouth; drool seeping out from the side of your lips when he raises the vibrations a setting higher.
You donā€™t know how many times heā€™d played with the settings and edged you by now, but all you do know is that the urge to cum only grows stronger as you grind against the machine, soaking it with your wetness as you chase the pleasure building up in your body again. Ā 
Surely cumming was okay, right? He never said you couldnā€™t.
You whimper around the ball gag, eyes fluttering shut when the tension in your body snaps in the blink of an eye and your thighs clamp down onto the sides of the machine. Throwing your head back, you moan against the gag and ride out your high as Seungcheol watches you from the side.
ā€œMm, bet that felt good, huh? But I know you want something in that greedy ā€˜lil cunt of yours, donā€™t you? You want daddyā€™s cock slamming into your tight ā€˜lil hole ā€˜til itā€™s full of my cum, right, sweetheart?ā€ He licks his lips, turning off the sybian as you slump forward.
universe_WZ: shit shes so sensitive
chwenon: especially with her arms bound like that i bet sheā€™s on cloud nine rn
gentleman_josh95: her cute lil head is probably all fuzzy already from all the sensations
therealchan99 has donated $100
gc__koo has donated $75
j__min has donated $150
All you can do is whimper and nod; teary eyes blinking back at Seungcheol as he smirks and leans in towards you.
ā€œMmm, youā€™ll get what you want eventually. But for now, youā€™re gonna cum again.ā€
He turns the sybian back on, licking his lips when he sees your body tensing again. It was always easier to get you to cum a second time and his point is proven when you mewl around the ball gag a few minutes later; chest heaving in stuttered breaths as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit when youā€™re quickly thrown into another orgasm.
ā€œYou always cum for daddy so easily, donā€™t you, babygirl?ā€
Your head feels fuzzy after already cumming twice in such a short span of time but you nod, head lolling to the side as Seungcheol finally turns the sybian off for good.
Seungcheol gives you a second to catch your breath before heā€™s scooting in and fiddling with the clasps at the back of your head to take the ball gag off.
A thread of saliva connects your lips to the gag and you whimper at how good it feels to be able to actually speak again. ā€œD-daddyā€¦ā€ Drool drips from your mouth as your lead lolls forward and Seungcheol is quick to bring a hand up to keep your head up as he looks into your lust filled eyes.
ā€œColour, sweetheart?ā€
ā€œStill g-greenā€¦ā€ He nods back, checking to make sure none of the ropes had shifted. ā€œWould you like some water before we continue, baby?ā€
ā€œYes, daddyā€¦ā€
He fetches you a glass of water, tilting it against your lips as you down the entire glass and you find yourself a little surprised at how needed it was. ā€œThank you, d-daddyā€¦ā€
ā€œYouā€™re welcome, babygirl. Ready to keep going?ā€
You nod, a little bit more energized. ā€œI hope everyone, mmh, l-likes the show so f-far~ā€ Your teary vision prevents you from reading the comments and before you can even make an effort to, Seungcheol is already helping you off of the machine and helping you sit on the bed across from him.
alphagyu97: ugh she looks so fucking good in that harness
angelhan: right? That shade of red looks so good against her skin too
angelhan: so fuckin pretty
tangerine_kwan: pics for the private room later? Plz i beg
Seungcheol takes this time to take off his boxer briefs, cock curving up against his abdomen when heā€™s fully naked across from you. He wraps a hand around his cock, moaning and spreading the precum down his shaft as you watch. ā€œDā€™you want this, baby?ā€
Your lips fall open in a silent moan as you watch Seungcheol jerk himself off and you canā€™t help but squirm. ā€œY-yesā€¦ā€
ā€œTell me exactly what you want then. Let them hear what a filthy little slut you are for me.ā€ You canā€™t help but feel miserably empty watching him and despite having already cum twice, you want his cock fucking you open and making you cum again.
ā€œI--I--ā€
ā€œYes, babygirl?ā€
ā€œI, ngh, I want d-daddyā€™s cockā€¦ Please? Ah, I--I wanna feel you fucking my--my pussy into the, mmh, s-shape of your c-cockā€¦ And I w-want you to c-cum inside my--my slutty little h-holeā€¦ā€
Seungcheol scoffs, hips shallowly thrusting up into his enclosed fist. ā€œThatā€™s right. Youā€™re just my slutty ā€˜lil babygirl that lets me use all her tight holes how I please, right? You like it when I cum down your throat and in your pretty ā€˜lil ass. But we all know you like it best when I cum in your hot ā€˜lil cunt. Makes you feel all warm and full, doesnā€™t it? You like it when my cum is dripping out of your spent cunt and sliding down your shaky thighs.ā€ This time you nod furiously as you whine back in response.
ā€œP-pleaseā€¦ Canā€™t wait any--anymore!ā€
This time, the impatience takes over as you slightly tug on the ropes; whining when they donā€™t give. ā€œDaddy!ā€
And this time, he gives in quicker than he anticipates, growling as he reaches for the EMT shears to cut you from the harness. ā€œDonā€™t let your arms down, no matter how much you want to. Youā€™re going to strain your arms if you move too fast so let me handle it, okay, sweetheart?ā€
The sudden gentleness in his voice has a giddy warmth pouring over you as you nod and sit still while he cuts at various points of the harness to make the ropes fall loose around your arms and chest. You keep your arms in the same position like he requested and you soon feel his hands roaming your skin and massaging your arms to get the blood flowing again.
ā€œYouā€™re so good for me, baby.ā€ He whispers against your hair, leaning down to kiss your shoulder before he slowly easing your arms down from being folded behind your back.
He continues to massage your arms for a few more minutes before itā€™s you thatā€™s getting impatient. ā€œDaddyā€¦ Can you fuck me now?ā€ Whispering, you slightly turn your body to the side to meet his gentle stare.
Seungcheol laughs under his breath, nodding. ā€œLay on your back for me, legs spread.ā€
You follow his orders as you quickly scramble to get into position; legs spread wide for him to situate himself between.
ā€œMm, your pussy is still so fuckinā€™ wet. I wanna taste you on my tongue, baby.ā€ Whines spill from your lips as you shake your head ā€˜no.ā€™
ā€œNo! My p-pussy feels empty, I need y-your cock, daddyā€¦ ā€˜n Iā€™m so wet, you can probably, ah, just s-slide your cock inā€¦ā€
He wraps a hand around his cock just as you wrap your legs around his waist and he guides himself until the head of his cock is right at your entrance.
Neither of you say a word as he slowly starts to sink his cock in; guttural moans on his lips when he meets no resistance and bottoms out in a singular thrust. ā€œHoly fuck, your cunt is so fuckinā€™ wet. Shit, and so t-tight!ā€ You clench around him, already feeling good with his cock inside of you as you beg him to fuck you hard and fast.
ā€œNgh, p-please fuck me like--like Iā€™m your, hah, c-cocksleeveā€¦ I want it f-fast, daddy!ā€
He grits his teeth at your words; drawing his hips back before snapping them into you just how you wanted. ā€œFast, hmm? All you think about in that pretty head of yours is my cock pounding you open, huh? Slamming into you so fuckinā€™ good, it makes your toes curl when you cum.ā€
Seungcheol starts a quick pace, already feeling the pleasure building up for himself when youā€™re reduced to garbled noises and broken cries of his name. The heels of your feet dig into the small of his back as you try to press him in closer and heā€™s quick to reach for the small bullet vibrator left on the bed next to your body.
ā€œYour body is so fuckinā€™ sensitive, I can already feel how tight youā€™re getting around me. So fuckinā€™ greedy to cum too. Already came twice and you still want more. Youā€™re not satisfied until your whole body is shaking underneath me, huh, sweetheart?ā€ He turns the small toy on, pressing it to your clit as you yelp and let out choked sobs.
ā€œAh, ngh, d-daddy, my--my clitā€™s t-too sen--sensitive! I--I canā€™t--!ā€ Squirming, you feel the pressure building up obscenely quick; bottom lip quivering when he takes one of your free hands and makes you hold the toy to your swollen clit.
ā€œJust a little more, sweetheart. Donā€™t you wanna cum?ā€
He angles his thrusts to graze against your g-spot and loud cries of his name leave your lips in a hurried, jumbled mess when he only doubles his pace.
The sound of donations and comments pour in like water and get lost within the ringing in your ears; unable to even warn Seungcheol that youā€™re about to cum when you feel your entire body starting to lock up underneath him.
Your lips part in a silent scream and your back bows off of the bed, thighs shaking uncontrollably as you cum for the third time. Seungcheol growls, fucking you through it as you squirt all over his lower half. Ā He finds it harder and harder to thrust into you as you cum, but he feels himself quickly following suit with your warm walls fluttering around his cock.
ā€œFuck, baby, thatā€™s right. Squirt for me, get me fuckinā€™ soaked while you cum.ā€ He uses a free hand to make sure you keep the toy pressed to your clit, growling when he starts to unload his cum inside of you. ā€œMmh, gonna fill your cunt up with what you want, baby.ā€
A shaky moan leaves your lips as you feel him throbbing inside your pussy; walls clamped down onto him in a vice grip as you ride out the remnants of your orgasm.
ā€œAh, d-daddyā€™s cumming suh--so much inside of my p-pussyā€¦ā€
Whining, you feel Seungcheolā€™s grip on your hand give way as he rides out his pleasure and you take the opportunity to turn off the small bullet vibrator while he doesnā€™t notice.
You watch his face contort in pleasure, hips still shallowly thrusting into you as his entire body shivers above you.
ā€œD-daddyā€™s so h-handsome...ā€ You mumble, cheeks hot when he cracks a smile through the pleasure wracking his body and chuckles under his breath.Ā 
ā€œThank you, babygirl.ā€Ā 
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After you end the show, Seungcheol makes sure to cuddle with you on the bed for a little while longer.
ā€œOne more glass of water, baby.ā€ You whine in response, pouting up at him before he gets up from the soaked sheets.Ā 
ā€œBut I already had a glass! If you have a piss kink just say so,Ā ā€˜Cheol!ā€
He lets out a boisterous laugh at your comment, trudging back to the bed from the kitchen with another glass of water for you.Ā ā€œYou need to be hydrated, sweetheart. You came three times and we played a little more rough today. I just wanna make sure youā€™re okay.ā€Ā 
ā€œFine, but you didnā€™t deny my comment.ā€ You snarkily reply, taking the glass from him as you down the water.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t make me have to punish you again! Iā€™ll have you know I still need to get you all washed up and change the bed--ā€
A faint pinging has the two of you turning to the laptop; still on your camming homepage from where youā€™d checked the revenues from tonightā€™s show.Ā 
A small [1]Ā sits above your inbox and Seungcheol is quick to turn to you with an eyebrow raised.Ā ā€œI thought you turned off the messaging system on your profile?ā€Ā 
You tilt your head in confusion, handing him the emptied glass.Ā ā€œI did. The only messages I should get are from, like, the actual system admins or other creator accounts which, I havenā€™t received anyĀ ā€˜til... now, I guess?ā€
Seungcheol sets the glass down onto the nightstand before he takes a seat next to you, dragging the laptop closer as you go to check the notification.Ā 
ā€œā€™Love&Letter Filmsā€™? Arenā€™t they one of the biggest adult film companies?ā€ Mumbling, you click on the message, giving yourself and Seungcheol a second to process the message that stares back at you; a shocked smile on your lips.
ā€˜Hello!
I hope this message finds Cherry and Seungcheol well.Ā 
We, atĀ ā€˜Love&Letter Filmsā€™, have really enjoyed the shows and videos from your channel throughout the years and we really have enjoyed watching the growth of your channel and theĀ addition of Seungcheol to it. The dynamics between the two of you are rare in this industry and weā€™ve yet to see anyone like the two of you in this market.Ā 
The shows from the last two nights have proven that the two of you have the right kind of chemistry to film together for bigger productions and we would love to hire you for a few film productions we have planned in the upcoming weeks as a feeler. Of course, all expenses paid by us if you would kindly take our offer.Ā 
We love the various scenes and roles that the two of you take on with ease and we would love to help propel your careers forward, should you pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry.Ā 
Please donā€™t hesitate to contact me as Iā€™ve listed my contact information below. Iā€™m excited to hear from the two of you and hope to work with you in the future on many projects.
Respectfully,Ā 
Kwon Soonyoung, L&L FILMS CEOā€™
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456 notes Ā· View notes
heffrondriving Ā· 3 years ago
Note
hey man how old r u bc like for some reason i've been under the impression that u were a minor (bc i am and like idk ??) even tho that's probably not true bc btrs like 10 years old so u don't have to answer with an actual age just if ur an adult or something omg. i gave way too much exposition just to ask how old u r im sorry </3
oh dadgummit, i should prob throw it up there in my bio or smth, i rlly don't wanna be That One Shady Fandom Creep ykyk (;Ā“ą¼Žąŗ¶Ł¹ą¼Žąŗ¶`) and idk abt that either maybe i just clown around a lot and act extremely juvenile a little lot sometimes always and am gnome-sized irl, but i certainly never wanna be misleading or anything insidious. so for the sake of full transparency, i just turned 22 this month *instantly shrivels into the cryptkeeper* and i was around 9 when big time rush first aired (so pretty much perfectly fitting in their age demographic lmao), so there ya go ĀÆ\_(惄)_/ĀÆ
and on that subject, while i do try my very best to tag appropriately and make a clean bill of this blog and don't believe there's anything much in it that would warrant a full 18+ warning (except maybe for my incessant sailor mouth......sorry ;-;), please do feel more than free to block and/or unfollow if anything makes you feel uncomfortable or if you simply want to!!! that's completely fine and greatly encouraged even bc this hellblog is full of nothing but pure brainrot anyway oops we're all about that very cool funky important internet safety here *flips cap backwards B-)* also not to be preachy grampa but i've been chronically online since i was like 12 and am now Irreparably Broken as a person for it /hj so any minors out here in the corner of the interwebs pls stay safe be vigilant and watch out for yourselves first and foremost also tbh stay away from t*ktok insta & twt i beg, okay have some virtual headpats and thank u <3
n e way don't sweat it fam i mean i wrote a whole forking dissertation paper just to answer this ask about my current age (boringly too) so that evens everything out methinks. and i don't get them much anyway so i live for asks!! hearing from other people about anything, btr-related or notwithstanding, makes me stupidly happy believe it or not (pls believe it, there is an ancient loser duwende running this blog) šŸ˜ŠāœØ now if you'll excuse me, old man allen needs their joint medication and 18-hour nap, so g'bye for now~ (-Ģ€ā—žĻ‰ā—Ÿ-Ģ)
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hazard-queen Ā· 4 years ago
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When he can't sleep (Leona, idia, azul, malleus)
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Leona kingscholer
ā€¢ "No way! Ruggie, you must be kidding me, right?" You said to ruggie in disbelief as your eyes widened
ā€¢ "I really hope that i was kidding but nah" said ruggie rising his shoulders and his swaying his hands
ā€¢ "If he continued like this no one will remain alive in savanaclaw!" Said jack rushing his hand on his hair
ā€¢ What happened? I will tell you! Something abnormal happened and can be the end of the world if it continues like this! Leona didn't sleep in two days!!!! The guy who falls asleep before his head reaches the pillow, and this of course this left him in a bad mood! Picking fights with almost everyone and everything and even with the flys that lands on his face!
ā€¢ "You have to do something about this (y/n)! " Said ruggie helpless
ā€¢ "How much will you pay? why me tho?" You said worried
ā€¢ "Ummmmm cause we are afraid to go speak to him he will kill us cause you are the most one close to him!" Said ruggie with worried smile
ā€¢ "Yes! He won't get mad at you i mean get annoyed if you tried to talk to him!" Said jack worried
ā€¢ "We count on you!" Said both ruggie and jack leaving you dumbfounded not even giving you a chance to reject! Oh well (y/n) the future of the humanity in your hands now!
ā€¢ You stood there in front of the door not knowing if you have to knock or to just get in no one dies before their time so you just decided to knock the door and let what happen happens!
ā€¢ "GET LOST!" you heard a loud growl from behind the door that makes scare runs in your spines
ā€¢ "L leona....it's me....(y/n)!" You said worried ready to leave at any second, but what you didn't notice that both jack and ruggie and even some more students of savanaclaw were watching over you even worried more than you!
ā€¢ The door opened and there stood leona all tired and you could see how bad he wants to sleep, "um...are you ok?" You asked
ā€¢ "And why wouldn't i?" Said leona crossing his arm on his chest
ā€¢ He reached his hand to his head to massage it, "tch...this headache" said leona annoyed
ā€¢ "Maybe that's because the lack of sleep! Not sleeping well for two days of course will cause you headache!" You said innocently
ā€¢ "Who told you i didn't sleep well in two days?" Said leona rising an eyebrow
ā€¢ "Your eyes said that! It looks tired! Btw! I have a medicine for headache! Do you want to have it?" You asked with a smile
ā€¢ "No! I like to have headache that makes me feel my head's exploding from time to time......GIVE IT TO ME!" said leona with a yellow smile oh my he's really moody!
ā€¢ Leona took the medicine and finally the headache is gone! You felt happy for him! But suddenly he pulled your arm, "l leona ! What's wrong?" And as you were wondering what could it be leona restd his head in your embrace and placed your hand on his head, "you know what to do, right?" You nodded as you started brushing his hair with your hands then after some time you felt his breathe calm, you could even hear some faint snores, leona has finally fall asleep! Thank you (y/n)! The world is a safe place now because of you!
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Idia shroud
ā€¢ It can't be he's online in the game all of this could it be? Since 3 am till the next day it's almost midnight! Could it be that the server broke down or something?
ā€¢ You play the same game with idia and you won't deny he told you that he's waiting for this event like months ago since they announced it on another servers....did he even eat? Sleep? Go to class?
ā€¢ You heard knocks on the door, opening it you saw ortho standing there worried
ā€¢ "(Y/n) please help me!....ni-san!" If he could cry there would be waterfalls from his eyes
ā€¢ "WHAT? did he get kidnapped again by ghosts?" This all could get in your mind right now cause nothing is dangerous can happen to someone who never gets out from his room
ā€¢ "No! He's playing this game since yasterday! He didn't sleep or eat he looks all tired but he never leave his place! I'm worried about him!" Said ortho sadly
ā€¢ You accepted to go help him as first! you could never refuse a request from ortho cause he's cute, second! You were also worried about idia, third and most importantly you don't want ortho to blow up your drom if you refuse!
ā€¢ You didn't have time to knock cause ortho dashed into the room! " see?" Said ortho pointing his hand to his brother who didn't even move his eyes from the monitor
ā€¢ He looked all tired and sleepy and even more pale!
ā€¢ "IDIA!" You yelled at idia which made him jump from his place, " (y y/n)! When did you get here?"
ā€¢ "Idia did you eat anything? Did you sleep?" You asked worried
ā€¢ "7"
ā€¢ "7 hours?" You tiled your head
ā€¢ "7 minutes!" Said idia as he looked back to the monitor leaving you as if a shock hits you
ā€¢ You didn't speak! You snatched the gaming console from his hand, idia gasped from the quick action
ā€¢ "Nooo~ please give that back to me i need to complete this event!" Said idia reaching his hand to take it back but alas, you were dead serious
ā€¢ "Eat something first!" You said crossing your arms to your chest and ortho did the same as you
ā€¢ "No! Tch...look....why don't you feed me while i play?" Said idia with a plea
ā€¢ "Fine!" You gave him the console as you brought some food and juice with you , you shoved the food into his mouth and placing the juice by his lips as he took some sips then went back to play! Hardly he could open his eyes! He's used to stay awakr for late times but not for two days! His eyes were closing but he kept on shaking his head it's 2 am now!
ā€¢ "Idia! Why don't you take a rest and let me continue the event for you, you know, i also play this game" you said to idia and he didn't think much, he handed you the console and sat by you watching you play
ā€¢ "You know, you're not bad!" Said idia weakly
ā€¢ "Hehe i know!" You said with a grin, you felt a weight on your shoulder, you looked to your side to see idia's head leaned to you, he has finally fallen asleep, he looked so peaceful when he's like that
ā€¢ "Isn't he cute?"
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Azul ashengrotto
ā€¢ "Ugh we are swimming in work recently shrimp-chan!" Exhausted floyed sopke helplessly
ā€¢ "I don't know when this all gonna end i really miss the feeling when i could sleep!" Said jade rising his arms and waving his hands also helplessly
ā€¢ "Are you really that busy tho? Oh! How's azul doing?" You asked since you didn't see him any soon
ā€¢ "Well he also isn't sleeping well or taking any rest i guess we've been really busy recently " said jade thinking
ā€¢ "Can i go see him!" You asked with a plea and of course the twin couldn't say no since they know that azul missed you and all but didn't had any time to go out
ā€¢ You poped up your head from the door happily, "azul I'm here!" You saw him, he was a mess, not even looking at you and flipping papers here and there talking to himself
ā€¢ "When did you sleep last time?" You stood in front of his desk, he's doesn't even know you're here yet...i guess
ā€¢ "Yasterday noon it was for an hour or so" said azul busy thinking about his work then he suddenly rised his face to meet yours, his eyes widened and also yours! His face was pale and his eyes were tired just like idia even more, his face was opened in "O" shape
ā€¢ "(Y/n)! When did you get here? I didn't see you coming in!" Said azul fixing himself and paper on the table
ā€¢ "Can i probably help you?" You asked looking at all those papers on the table as you reached your hand to hold one of the contracts
ā€¢ "No! That's not concern you! The twins are doing it all!" Azul yelled at you snatching the paper from your hand which made you jump in your place
ā€¢ It of course made you sad but you didn't say it, azul won't forgive himself if he knew you that it hurt you
ā€¢ You went to the kitchen to make him some coffee! (My favourite) it's really good in regaining himself and focus
ā€¢ Silently you placed the cup by him on the desk, he looked at it then looked at you in appreciation, he knew what he said isn't proper so he frowned
ā€¢ " I'm sorry (y/n) i really didn't mean it but i have so many pressure on me, i didn't sleep in days and even if i put my head on the pillow i don't sleep, I'm really tired" said azul looking down sadly
ā€¢ "Don't be! I understand everything, i just can't see you all this tired and can't do anything for you!" You said with worried expression
ā€¢ Azul sigh giving up, " can you just stay here to watch the work while i rest on the sofa for a bit?" Said azul with a weak smile and you of course gave him a wide ones
ā€¢ He layd himself in the sofa closing his eyes then everything went silent, you took some close steps to him seeing his breathe was steady and you could even hear him snoring lightly, you took off his glasses placing it on the table by him and covered him with a jacket
ā€¢ You placed a small kiss on his forehead and he began sleeptalking, he muttered "i love you" but you managed to hear him, You giggled
ā€¢ "I love you too"
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Malleus draconia
ā€¢ Your dorm was under maintenance and you had nowhere to go! Of course dorm leaders offered you a stay in their dorms for a while but they didn't do anything when malleus came along grabbing your wrist dragging you to diasomania silently
ā€¢ "Did you plan to stay anywhere else?" Asked malleus still dragging you not even making an eye contact with you
ā€¢ "I i just thought you were busy so i didn't want to be a burden on you!" You said with a pout
ā€¢ "A burden? (Y/n)! You should have came to diasomania the second you left the dorm, not waiting for others to offer you a stay!" Said malleus as he stopped and gave you a serious look
ā€¢ And from this look you could tell how tired he was, you wanted to ask him when the last time did he sleep but you just didn't want to bother him
ā€¢ Going to diasomania thay prepared you a separated room where you could stay and sleep, they even brought you dinner to your room! But of course the change of the place made it harder for you to sleep so you decided to go for a walk
ā€¢ You saw malleus' room is still has light, shouldn't he be asleep now? Should you go ask about him? You finally decided to knock the door and see what's wrong with him
ā€¢ "(Y/N)! What are you doing here in this late hour? Do you need something?" Said malleus surprised by your visit
ā€¢ "Nothing! I saw the lights on so i was wondering if you can't sleep, are you alright?" You asked with a worried smile
ā€¢ "Oh is that so? Oh Don't bother yourself, i don't want to be a burden on you!" Said malleus rising an eyebrow crossing an arm to his chest and swaying the other in the air
ā€¢ You recognise that he's paying back the word to you
ā€¢ "It doesn't feel good hearing it from your beloved ones is it?" Asked malleus with a smile holding his chin but he spoke again " sigh, i just can't sleep well recently"
ā€¢ "What can i do for you? Do you want a glass of milk? Mint tea? coffee? anything?" You asked him but you know this won't help till an idea came to your mind
ā€¢ You sat there patting on your lap offering malleus to put his head there with a wide smile, he chuckled on your childish action but he did as you wanted, he rested his head on your lap aware to not stap you with his horns and closed his eyes
ā€¢ You run your hand on his head which made him half open his eyes then closing it again, you started humming your favourite song and playing with his hair till you noticed his chest is moving slowly and his breathe was steady, you didn't bother asking him, you knew he was already asleep
ā€¢ Malleus felt safe in your existence by him,his only beloved ones
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quirklessidiot Ā· 4 years ago
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aoba johsaiā€™s sportā€™s journalist (h/cā€™s)
just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n) (w: language!) a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.
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Now letā€™s be honest here, itā€™s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, cā€™mon, theyā€™re one of the best in the prefecture.
But letā€™s start with the basics here, shall we? Letā€™s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.
Yep, you.
There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chefā€™s kiss* youā€™re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..
Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.
but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to writeĀ because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.
You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didnā€™t expect it to amass like that much people.
The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.
and guess where that led you to?
Yep, the sportā€™s section, specifically the volleyball teamā€™s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.
VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.
Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, ā€œyouā€™ll do fineā€¦ its like news bUT SPORTS! ITā€™LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!ā€
Youā€™re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?
It doesnā€™t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.
It also didnā€™t help that you crash course the terminologies and the memberā€™s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.
Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?
When you approach the coach, youā€™re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.
youā€™re loading for a second there.
and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you werenā€™t responding at all.
ā€œOH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?ā€
the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didnā€™t know Oikawa???
so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.
ā€œ....soooo you write?ā€
ā€œ...ā€
at this point on, youā€™re also confused too
and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.
you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.
anyways...
He tells you the teamā€™s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.
Basically introduces you to the whole team after,Ā 
no questions asked, just go with the flow.
You basically just click and vibe???
Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said,Ā 
you literally all shared the same brain cell together.
Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, heā€™d literally spike a ball at your direction.
ā€œweā€™re basically the same year tho :(ā€ -Y/N
ā€œlmao well do iā€™ve got news for you, y/n-chan.ā€ - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.
you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.
but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because theyā€™re just really friendly people??
like wow, theyā€™re all friendly giants.
Youā€™re literally just there to write about them but theyā€™re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that youā€™ve never written for sports yet.
they even give you some added key terms that arenā€™t found in books and online.
youā€™re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.
iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawaĀ (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes arenā€™t even that funny)Ā and yes its canon that wheneverĀ iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.
no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.
its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.
same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.
incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH
like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go,Ā ā€œItā€™s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?ā€
dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king
ā€œoh, wow, i thought you said you didnā€™t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?ā€ - HanamakiĀ 
another dramatic best boi.
akira + kindaichi getting shy because theyā€™ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess
ā€œw-well, L/N-san...ā€
kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before youā€™re used to his whole thing already.
ā€œMove, extra.ā€
ā€œYou were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!ā€
you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team
yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen
itadakimasu.
he doesnā€™t mind tho, he really loves how you write them.Ā 
so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.
team says youā€™re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if youā€™re like the manager or smthng.
ā€œ no :ā€™)Ā ā€œ
When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.
this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.
oh right, your article was passed on to the townā€™s newspaper
it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.
they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.
ā€œ...wOW I CANā€™T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???ā€ -Oikawa
ā€œwe didnā€™t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKSā€ -matsukawa
lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why
pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.
more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.
your volleyball sports writing experience wouldnā€™t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?
ironically, itā€™s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.
ā€œwow, youā€™re dumb.ā€ -kentaro says to you
ā€œ :ā€™)ā€ -you.
ā€œy/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.ā€ -yahabaĀ 
overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated.Ā 
the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, youā€™ve proven yourself to be a meme.
continued to write for them up until graduation.
and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.
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cloudshapedpatch Ā· 4 years ago
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take my money (take my heart, too)
the awkward julie & luke sugar daddy/baby au no one asked for
rated teen and up for swearing and semi-mature themes such as the concept of a sugar daddy/baby arrangement
no smut! insane tooth-rotting fluff tho
slow burn juke
and disaster lesbians flarrie side plot and (eventual) willex
also a coffee shop au because i said so
read on ao3 (chapter 1 and tag list below the cut)
* * * *
Julie is nervous. No, nervous is an understatement. Her knees bounce uncontrollably under the table, shaky fingers twirling the straw in her iced coffee. And the knot in her stomach seems to grow ever tighter.
She pulls out her phone to check the time for the third time this minute. How is it still 10:57 am? Just as she is about to put her phone back in her pocket, it buzzes with an incoming text from her best friend/roommate, Flynn.
Flynn: calm down
Julie smiles despite herself, turning around to look at her friend a few tables away. Thank goodness for her friend, willing to throw away a morning to make sure she is safe and comfortable on her blind date. She shoots Flynn a small smile. Flynn, to their credit, is taking their job very seriously, wearing an absurdly large sunhat and sunglasses, sipping on a mug of hot tea with a decoy book under her nose.
Julie turns to anxiously watch the baristas, moving around the small space with ease, mixing drinks hot and cold alike. Twirling around each other without even looking. And she lets her mind wander.
How had she gotten here? Waiting for a man whom she had never spoken to, let alone seen? And she isnā€™t counting their text messaging. Not really. Not even if they had been talking for weeks. Not even if they regularly stayed up well into the night just to keep talking to the other. Not even if he had her blushing furiously, toes curling from giddiness and hiding under her sheets, smiling at the flirtatious speech bubbles on her phone for longer than sheā€™d like to admit.
Because that doesnā€™t count. She has never heard his voice. She has never seen what he looked like. Anyone could be a charmer, and she is undoubtedly nervous about who she might find walking through the door and towards her.
How had she gotten here? It is a simple question, and one she has the answer to. Doesnā€™t mean she likes it. She had made an offhand comment to Flynn at work one day. Julie is sick of working 12 hour days in the cafe (not this one. she would be dumb to meet a stranger in her workplace) and barely scraping by. She had joked she needed someone to fund her shopping sprees.
Flynn had suggested a sugar daddy.
Julie wants to bang her head on the table. Past Julie is an idiot. And now Present Julie is going to pay the price.
Why had she let Flynn convince her to download that dumb app?
(Because she has a virtually useless college degree, bills to pay, and school loans creeping up on her and she is cutting back every month. Living in L.A. isnā€™t cheap.
And, if she really lets herself think about it, Julie is lonely.)
She checks her phone again, pleased to find it is finally 11 am. He should be here any minute. Luke should be here any minute.
Is it a red flag that he had only been willing to share his first name? Should it have concerned her that he didnā€™t have a profile picture on his online dating account? Is she dumb for letting him change the subject every time she asked about his job? Solid ā€˜maybeā€™s to all of those, but! After they had started talking, they had instantly clicked. He loves music almost as much as she did, maybe even more. They bonded over that, and many other things.
This is fine.
She straightens her posture, glancing down at her dress to make sure all is in order. Itā€™s baby blue with golden sunflowers all over, and she had slipped a cropped denim jacket on top, the one with patches of all her favorite bands. She fusses with the loose curls hanging by her face, her hair pulled into a half bun at the top of her head, leaving a clear view of her sunflower earrings. Itā€™s the perfect outfit to be noticed in, she had told him sheā€™d be wearing blue and sunflowers, certainly he wouldnā€™t miss her.
Whenever he decided to show up.
Wait. he would show up, wouldnā€™t he?
Of course he would.
...Right?
Before she can get too far down that rabbit hole, the chime above the door is jingling, and Julie has to fight hard not to turn and see who it is. The anticipation crawls up her spine and settles in her neck, jaw tingling.
A man comes in, approaching the counter with confidence in his step. One barista takes one look at him and gapes like a fish, turning to a coworker to nonchalantly point at him. Both girls look at each other and quietly squeal, letting one of the male cashiers help him.
Must be attractive, she thinks, and she isnā€™t disappointed by what she can see from the back. His sleeves are short, showing off his muscular arms and heā€™s tall. Sheā€™s always liked tall men.
Supposedly handsome stranger orders his drink and waits at the counter for it. One of the girls hands it to him with a gleeful smile. He accepts, then says something to her before the girlā€™s smile falters and points right at Julie.
Wait, sheā€™s pointing at Julie?
Definitely handsome stranger follows her finger and lands on Julie, eyes scanning up and down her body (at least, what he can see from above the table), his face instantly lighting up in the most gorgeous smile sheā€™s ever seen.
And then heā€™s turning back to say thank you and then making his way towards her and oh no what what what--
Because this isnā€™t her date. It canā€™t be, right? But Luke Patterson is stepping up to her booth, sliding into the seat across from her.
ā€œHey, youā€™re Julie, right?ā€ His voice, sweet and thick as honey, and Julie would know that voice anywhere.
ā€œLuke Patterson? Youā€¦ you didnā€™t say--ā€ She cuts herself off before she can say something foolish.
Because there is no way in hell sheā€™d unknowingly put up her sugar baby services to Luke fucking Patterson. Not rockstar Luke Patterson. Not lead guitarist and singer and songwriter for her favorite band, Sunset Curve. Not literally in the Rock ā€˜nā€™ Roll Hall of Fame Luke Patterson.
ā€œYeah, about thatā€¦ I am really sorry about not telling you. Itā€™s just not something I like mentioning to everyone I meet, you know?ā€
Sheā€™s having a hard time processing what heā€™s saying. Heā€™s so close. Why is he leaning on the table like that? Why is he so close?
ā€œYeah! Yeah, totally. Thatā€™s understandable.ā€ She laughs nervously, taking a sip of her coffee to avoid speaking any further.
ā€œThisā€¦ this is okay, right? Youā€™re not mad?ā€
ā€œMad?ā€ This clears her mind a bit. She takes in the way his hands fiddle with the rings on his fingers, his shoulders raised, and while his smile is easygoing, his eyes say otherwise. Why would she be mad?
She expresses this to him, and he just looks at his hands.
ā€œWell, because I wasnā€™t completely truthful with you. And I totally understand if you want to walk away.ā€
ā€œNo!ā€ She says before she can filter herself. His eyebrows raise in amusement. ā€œI mean, itā€™s fine! I was justā€¦ surprised, thatā€™s all.ā€
And surprised is correct. Luke Patterson is the same Luke sheā€™s been talking to for the last three weeks, the very same one whoā€™s been making her laugh and whoā€™d almost made her miss work last week because they had texted about everything and nothing until the sun came up.
He seems to like her answer. His smile never leaves his face.
ā€œYou seemed to recognize me. You a fan of Sunset Curveā€™s?ā€
And maybe itā€™s the way his cocky smile burns her cheeks, or just the fact that heā€™s talking to her. Panic sets in and she lies.
ā€œNever heard of Sunset Swerve.ā€
ā€œYou knew my name.ā€
ā€œYou know itā€™s a household name, right?ā€
ā€œYour jacket says otherwise.ā€
And shit. She had forgotten about the Sunset Curve patch right over her heart. In fact, it was the first patch she had put on the jacket. But he doesnā€™t need to know that.
ā€œFine. You caught me. Iā€™m a Curver. Happy?ā€
And though sheā€™s teasing, he couldnā€™t seem to be happier. Seriously, sheā€™s worried his dopey grin is gonna break his face. Then an ugly, ugly thought rears its head in her mind.
ā€œWait. You let me gush about Sunset Curve so many times and you didnā€™t say anything?ā€ Her sentence ends in a laugh.
ā€œOh, Julie, I wanted to so bad. You have no idea!ā€
Julie finds herself not really registering the second half of his sentence. She had missed it, the first time he said her name due to being starstruck, and her face warms a bit when she recalls just how good her name had sounded when he said it. Like a splash of cool water on a hot day. Like sap dripping fresh from a tree, glinting in the sunlight.
ā€œThen why didnā€™t you?ā€
He sobers a bit at this, though his eyes still hold the same fire as before. ā€œWell, I didnā€™t really want to go around announcing that. Can you imagine how many matches Iā€™d get if I put that little tidbit in my bio?ā€
Julie laughs at this, the absurdity of it hitting her. Of course. Heā€™d want someone whoā€™d like him for him, not for his status, or name, or fame or money.
Oh. Shit. She was literally here for his money.
ā€œFor sure! Mustā€™ve been hard.ā€
ā€œOh, not really. I matched with you on day one and deleted the app once we exchanged phone numbers.ā€
ā€œReally?ā€ Julie felt a little guilty for still having the app on her phone now, even after she was pretty sure Luke was a good match. There was still the possibility that mystery man was a total creep. If sheā€™d have known who he was, on the other handā€¦
ā€œTotally! Iā€™ll be honest, my bandmates put me up to this, but once we started talking I just knew I had to meet you.ā€
Julieā€™s mind still feels a bit foggy, like she was dreaming. A fantastic dream, might she add.
ā€œIā€™ve been really excited to meet you too. My best friend also convinced me to get the app. Sheā€™s actually over there.ā€ Julie smiled, nudging her head over towards her friend, where they were certainly trying their best to eavesdrop.
ā€œBrought a plus one, I see?ā€ Luke chuckled, giving Flynn a wave. Flynn hid her already shielded eyes from view with her book.
ā€œHey, you gotta remember I was meeting someone whom I had never seen before, and the fact that I didnā€™t know your last name was not helping.ā€
Lukeā€™s smile turned bashful again. ā€œAh. Sheā€™s backup.ā€
ā€œYep! But I think theyā€™re good to go.ā€ Julie whipped out her phone and sent Flynn a quick message, relieving her of her duties.
ā€œYou sure? I might kidnap you.ā€
ā€œIā€™d let you kidnap me.ā€
Oh god. She so did not say that.
He seemed to think it was funny. At least she was amusing. At her own expense, maybe, but amusing nonetheless.
Amusing to Luke Patterson.
If she doesnā€™t stop saying his last name, sheā€™ll go insane. This is just the dorky guy sheā€™s been talking to. The one sheā€™ll hopefully get to talk to tomorrow.
Despite the rocky start, Julie would say it was a successful date. Coffee turned into lunch at a nearby bistro, and he walked Julie to her car a few blocks away. She didnā€™t get to her apartment until after 4 oā€™clock, and Flynn was waiting with two glasses of wine in their shared living room. Julie is eager to spill all the details, and Flynn is the perfect listener, oohing and ahhing at all the right moments.
As Julie crawls into bed after her eventful day, her phone dings on her nightstand.
PayPal: Luke Patterson sent you $500.00Ā  ā€œI had a great time today :) hope to see you again soon!ā€
Well. If she had calmed down any, this just undid all of her efforts. A wave of guilt floods over her. The concept of a sugar daddy sort of seemed too outlandish to really fathom. But now she feels awful taking his money.
Sheā€™s really doing this, isnā€™t she?
Julie: you really didnā€™t have to
Luke: but i wanted to
Luke: itā€™s ok tho right?
Julie: i guess itā€™s fine, itā€™s just a lot of money
Luke: i realise how conceited this is going to sound but its no sweat off my back. just think of it as a gift
Gifts. She could live with that.
* * * *
taglist! @ladyblanche :)
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slightlymore Ā· 3 years ago
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Hi are you possibly still giving advice? I have this problem that I'm scared of taking up new activities cause I automatically feel like I'm gonna fail. I'm so unmotivated like honestly I just want to start doing something cause boredom is eating me alive but at the same time I tell myself 'it's not worth the effort, there's no point'. I'm tired of lying in bed all day but getting out of that comfort zone terrifies me. I want to change but I physically (and mentally) can't. (1/2)
(2/2) On top of that my mom constantly compares me to other people my age who are super outgoing, have summer jobs etc. She always asks why I can't be like them, what is wrong with me, that my life is slipping through my fingers and so on. She wants to motivate me by saying such things and all I wanna do is cry. She just doesn't get that we have completely different personalities and how much energy it takes to do anything. Sorry for rambilng I don't want to talk about it with anyone irl
alright, so there are many different things to talk about here. first of all, why do you want to take up new activities? and what does that mean for you? like hobbies? if it's a hobby then it must be something you like. and here is another question. why would you take up a new hobby? because you enjoy it. that's it. when you do something that you're not obligated to do, you only do it because it can be fun, that's it. the outcome is only that. fun. it must feel good. I think everyone nowadays has the impression that activities should be done only if you're good at it or if you get some type of income from it whether it be money or personal development. and I do it too!! unfortunately!! if I do something I'm like "welp is this something that makes me a better person? like learning a new language, reading a book etc." bc if it's not then I feel like wasting my time. and it's so so so wrong!!! we need to learn to do stuff only because it's fun! take me writing on a tumblr blog. I was crap at first at it. perhaps I'm not good even now, but I kept persevering because it makes me happy!! I don't get money from it, I barely get feedback from it lol (I appreciate everyone who does give feedback so so so so much tho!!!), I'm just here using hours and hours of my time doing something apparently useless. but guess what. it's not! because I have fun and I enjoy writing and I don't care what other people think of it!!
so, activities should first of all be fun. they don't have to be "because your friends do this and idk why you're not". honestly, fuck them friends. you do you. also it's not true at all people you age are outgoing and do summer stuff etc. most of us are online watching tiktoks, so comparing is really not useful at all lmao why is not being outgoing bad??? if it's because you'd want to be and you're shy or insecure, that's one thing that we can work on, but it it's because you genuinely just want to vibe in your room and you feel content, then that's great!!
second of all, you don't have to be good at something from the beginning to do something!!!! I think you were a gifted child and when you were younger things came natural to you. now, when you have to do something from scratch it's hard and rightfully so! but only because you're not good at it from the second you start doing it, it doesn't mean that your persona has to get hurt. your worth is not based on that! you don't have to be perfect. you're enough right now the way you are. if you look around and see people being good at something, chances are that they kept practicing it hard!! take idols, no one was born dancing and singing. they worked so fucking hard for that and it should inspire us!
third, you might have been through some trauma, like either your family saying you were not good at something or people at school somehow making fun of you. and now you don't even want to start! you need to change the beliefs you have about yourself. your brain believe everything you tell it!! if you keep saying that you're this and that it will believe me. so instead of feeding it negative images of you, feed it positive ones. I know it's sounds like some hippy bullshit, but I promise it works!!
the solution is to just do something privetly. do something new in private and don't let yourself be your worst critic. imagine yourself in 3rd person. would you tell your friend everything you tell yourself? I doubt. you'd encourage them. try something new where no one can see you, where you can feel safe and free of criticism. see how it goes. confidence doesn't come overnight, it's something you build. if you see yourself succeeding at something your get euphoria and you'll break free of this sad cycle.
last thing I want to touch up on is that failure is good. failure is not a bad thing. it's normal. legit everyone and I say EVERYONE fail. you don't see it because they keep it a secret. you look around and see all of these people just succeeding and you're like "damn I'm such a failure in comparison". but you don't know how that they had to fail first. maybe multiple times. but they just keep going
so please, do something because it's fun!! you can be good at it or you can be bad at it!! the point of it, since you think it's pointless to do something if you're going to fail, it's the fun and the experience!!! you won't know what you're good at and what you're not good at if you don't try it!
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cloveroctobers Ā· 4 years ago
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ā€¢ALLEGRA BIANCHIā€¢
IG info/bio: @/theeallegrabianchi | 303k followers| Entrepreneur | bad bitches go to therapy thxz šŸ¦­šŸ‘„
(24) 26 years old
From Swansea, Wales
Ofc she knows who Catherine Zeta-Jones is...her mother literally resembles her and remembers people coming up to her mom countless times asking for a pic growing up, and Allegra hated taking pics for these imbeciles...mainly because the attention wasnā€™t on her
has a dysfunctional family...
her mother is critical of almost everything she does but at least she paying attention?
and feels her father is neglectful and only seems to be heard when sheā€™s in his face
all they know how to do is scream at each other instead of talking calmly to one another
her mother is of Venezuelan heritage
And Her father is of Italian heritage
her fatherā€™s side of the family resides in calabria italy
he named her after his high school gf that passed away due to his irresponsible drunk driving on their senior prom night
Her parents do not have the healthiest of relationships due to her father constantly cheating on her mother in the past...leading to verbal and physical fights
also has a kid or two outside of their marriage because of his unfaithfulness and allegra learned to hate them because of the hurt her mother showcased
In the beginning she was only around them because her father enforced it, that she needed to know her family ā€œblood is all you got in the end.ā€ He would always say but that was bs
Would take her, her half sibs, and her full sibs on day trips/weekend trips in his suburban
Has three full older brothers and one full younger sister
Because of this, Allegra did not have a clear view of what love was supposed to be and felt that anger in a relationship is supposed to be somewhat of the norm?
Many times she wished at night in her bed with a pillow over her head that her parents would just file for a divorce already when their fights would get bad to the point things would get broken and her mother would h*t her father (once with a metal bat) and throw him out of the house
Has had the cops called on their household before and cps definitely has/had a file on them
Has been in family therapy before and is currently in therapy mainly for herself because of the trauma & how itā€™s messed with her spirit as a person
Loves? Cares for her parents from afar but will never understand their relationship and why theyā€™re still together to this day
Can go months without speaking to any of her family members and be completely fine with that
Had her younger sis, Nerina put her PRIVATE shit on blast via internet after love island aired and completely cut her off since she is ā€œa clout chaser and money hungry bitch who canā€™t take care of own her child cause she opened her legs to a meth head who loves prisonā€ OOP
she only has a decent relationship with one of her brothers whoā€™s two years older than her, Vito. They seem to be the closest out of the sibs and heā€™s the only one she bothers to speak to from time to time
Sheā€™s a ā€œcocktail entrepreneurā€ so Iā€™m guessing she has her own business where she specializes in her own cocktail drinks? Working in some upscale rooftop/penthouse bar where she successfully makes profits from her signature drinks or has a brand that focuses mainly on cocktails
It took years for her business to take off and hasnā€™t been easy, not one bit. At times it felt like everyone wanted to see her fail and she has openly spoken about her struggles as not only a entrepreneur but as a woman in this business where no one wanted to take a chance on her
That just lit the fire thatā€™s already inside of her
Aries sun + Leo moon + Scorpio rising? (Personality vs how you react to things emotionally vs youā€™re outside shell for those who donā€™t follow this too much. Iā€™m not too in depth about it but I do find it interesting!)
Or should she be reversed as a Leo sun with a Aries moon? Aries are direct, fiery, one step ahead of others, impulsive, and know how to take charge. Leoā€™s are dramatic, loves attention, passionate, loyal, warm, and have a need to express their passions, and scorpios are intense, secretive, mysterious, and work strategically
anyways, I feel like sheā€™s definitely improved as a person over the span of two years? Or at least I hope she has cause everyone goes thru changes
And she was frustrating in s1 so I just know she had some deeper issues going on so I really think therapy is helping her ass I wish it would help me lmao
Being cheated on honestly made her feel like her mother, weak in her mind she was with this dude for awhileā€”3 years and he just up and thought it was okay to cheat on her? With his personal trainer?! Yet he didnā€™t gain any muscle mass?! The ultimate disrespect!!! but one thing she knew? She wasnā€™t going to stick around like her mom did
But she was bitter about it foresure. She ultimately wanted to corner the girl for messing with HER man but part of her knew she wasnā€™t the only one to blame. However that didnā€™t stop her for cussing her out via voicemail a couple of times while intoxicated
Allegra always strived for love cause sheā€™s never really seen it before or felt it
Sure sheā€™s had many boyfriends before?And their names didnā€™t matter not only because she didnā€™t remember them? But she never felt the spark with them in the first place?
Maybe she wasnā€™t meant for love so she kinda put on this bitchy front and always been that way with some shitty friends she had around her until she recently cut them off a year ago
has gotten herself into trouble as a kid: trespassing, and destroying public property, smoking in the girls bathroom, physical altercations, cutting class, being assigned community service, etc... all with these friends sheā€™s had for years!
Before she met her problematic friends in secondary, when she was in her pre-teen stage she was involved in the handbell team and in the Color guard but hates to admit it even tho her parents have pics all over the flat
went away to uni for a semester and wanted to join a sorority but the hazing was extreme to the point she was sent to the hospital then accepted? Which led to more trauma in her life so she dropped out
A few years later she decided on online courses and moved out of her parents flat as soon as she could with the $ she saved up and did not leave in the house since it was not safe to smh
Therapy was really helping sis, she felt a lot better and was working on her deep rooted issues mainly the anger and hurt and never really realized how it revolves around her life. She was super thankful for her therapist and reshaping herself
Many didnā€™t buy it but she knew she couldnā€™t give that much of a fuck? She couldnā€™t. In order to grow you got to learn that you have to involve for yourself and not others
She didnā€™t like the person she saw watching the show back but when she came back to the reunion a part of her hoped people saw some sort of change in herā€”even if itā€™s only been a few months since the show then
Sometimes sheā€™ll slip back into old habits, wanting and doing so by snapping on people and blacking out by getting intoxicated and knowing that healing is a process and valuing yourself is the exact same
has a toy poodle that she loves deeply
doesnā€™t have many outside friends after cutting off the ones that were toxic
is pro-ab*rtion and had one herself which was aired out by her sister online
has a cozy flat that has a lot of brick exposure inside, a navy sofa which is her favorite piece in her house, and a view to die for!! which erases the fact that her apartment is ā€œcozyā€ which she uses to replace the fact that itā€™s much smaller than what she originally wanted. She dreams big ya know!!!
currently has a crush on her art teacher who resembles Adam Rodriguez
but also feels like liking your teacher/instructor is a bit weird? Even tho theyā€™re both grown
yes she is taking art classes now outside of work to find something thatā€™ll bring her peace and these pass months they have until COVID hit where classes had to be cancelled yet she was contacted to continue online but she felt her art was truly shit but he says art is subjective
She feels like thereā€™s a connection there? But at the same time isnā€™t looking for another relationship until she fully works on herself first! That took awhile for her to accept after she fell into some relations with a few ppl after the show
from there she realized that she might like girls too? And got a little annoyed that it took her this long to figure out especially with the way she felt around MC and cherry
doesnā€™t like to admit this but her fav holiday is Christmas? Even tho the theme is majorly corny to her but it actually makes her happy?
Feels like that was the only time her family showed love towards each other, and even tho they didnā€™t come from much, they always followed thru with their traditions
and she misses them a little bit around this time and might be the first one to call them even if the calls are short lived and kinda awkward at first
Loves making gingerbread houses and cookies
i feel like she now embraces her forearm hair but still gets everything else lasered
Miss Allegra has inches okay?! But I definitely feel like now in 2020 sheā€™s chopping that shit off into a pixie cut and when she posts on the gram her hair is usually always damp when she shows it off
some comments ā€” jake: lovely! Jen: babe, ur beautiful! Erikah: šŸ˜ Tim: how hot! Youā€™ve got the whole resident evil thing goin for yous
ā€œDid he just call me a virus?ā€
And she might get a like from mason thatā€™ll make her feel some type of way
We all have to go thru some growth you know so do you girl!
You canā€™t tell me she doesnā€™t play stabscotch!
Used to be obsessed with social media way before going on love island but lately doesnā€™t mind disappearing for months at a time? You have to cleanse yourself from that shit
idk i see her being mostly cool with jen or erikah and will hang out with them from time to time? Maybe they experienced some growth too, shit I sure hope so
still feels something for mason??? But at the same time maybe it was mainly superficial since mason wasnā€™t fucking with her like that, not 100% but at the same time gets frustrated that he still doesnā€™t see where sheā€™s coming from and itā€™s been 2 years???
She loves hard if given the chance and then feels like shit when it doesnā€™t work out cause it feels like she wasted a fuck load of time
she no longer follows him because she feels like itā€™s better for her spirit or whatever and she doesnā€™t need to see him with someone else
the only guy that she really interacts with is Tim, yet tim is cool with everybody!
Otherwise thereā€™s no real connection with her and anybody else? She wants to keep love island separate from herself now because sheā€™s not exactly the same as she was two years ago? And hopes someday people will get that
Probably watches those auction shows on the telly late at night when she canā€™t sleep, hoping and can afford some of those things one days
I feel like she has chronic migraines too?
Once had a significant other buy her Allegra-D in all seriousness for her birthday because it reminded them of her & thought it would help her headaches šŸ¤Ø
Loves the snow, but hates cleaning it off her car! S/O to those HOA fees, bless it cause leggyā€™s deff bussed her ass once before breaking her collarbone and sued like a mf!!!
Since her hours are hardly consistent since sheā€™s mainly her own boss, sheā€™ll have late nights/early mornings when she returns home and has to shift days where she cleans the flat but when she cleans??? Itā€™s best everyone stays tf out of her way
And donā€™t try to help her cause youā€™re doing it wrong 10/10 of the time, she loves cleaning and has dropped mad money on those super expensive vacuums
Only knows how to make whatā€™s relative to her culture: arepas, penne alla vodka, and cawl but otherwise than that? Sheā€™d rather clean then spend hours in a kitchen cooking unless sheā€™s making cocktails ofc!
also loves shopping for clothes but shoes are her fav things to shop for
Deff has a steamer over a iron for her clothes
Keeps eucalyptus and lavender oil in her purse at all times
posts mainly on her stories and made a deal with her supporters that sheā€™ll go live once a month since she feels like she owes them that? Since sheā€™s not as active anymore but she really doesnā€™t owe anybody shit but out of the newfound kindness of her heart...she does
Believes she got Covid before they all decided to do a shut down/lockdown of restaurants, bars, etc.. and her suspicions were proven correct after she decided to get tested
her anthem? Kali Uchis ā€” Dead to me (acoustic version)
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TRIGGER WARNING: child abuse, financial abuse, self harm, hospital mention
Iā€™m looking for advice mostly I guessā€¦
So Mod Emmett answered my ask a few days ago and gave me some advice about whether going to a mental hospital might be right for meā€¦ it was super helpful and I wanted to respond to him that I do think itā€™s probably something that would be very beneficial to me but itā€™s also terrifying and working out the logistics like what to do with my pets during the stay is going to be difficult. He also said the likely wouldnā€™t admit me is Iā€™m not at risk of harming myself or othersā€¦ and at the time I wasnā€™t really at a risk of thatā€¦ Iā€™ve been struggling with self harm since I was 15 and the last 6 months or so has been very hard and I relapsed a few times. Especially towards the end of the summer tho I couldnā€™t self harm because I knew I would get caught so I forced myself to wait for the weather to get colder and in that time the urges finally went awayā€¦ the problem is now they are back because my parents just financially screwed me over. I transferred colleges and they warned me about not getting enough financial aid and how good my aid was at the other school but my calculations told me I could afford to transfer based on the aid i should be receiving and my approximate expenses. The problem is I just found out that my EFC on my FAFSA went up and now Iā€™m not eligible for the Pell Grant at all. As far as I was aware I should have been getting the max of $6495 because I was under the impression that my EFC was still zero and my parents didnā€™t bother to tell me otherwise. They wonā€™t actually contribute any money because itā€™s all my fault and they warned me or whatever. They canā€™t afford to help because all their money is going towards my brother because he just started at Harvard.
Anyway basically Iā€™m now in a position where I see no way for me to keep going to school at least not this semester. My only options appear to be to drop my classes and work full time for now (if I get the job Iā€™m waiting to hear back from) or try to work the logistics out for a hospital stay. I guess Iā€™m wondering if you guys have any advice about what I can do to get past this because Iā€™ve never been so completely screwed over and I feel totally powerless.
- Wolf Anon
Hello again, I am so glad you wrote back. I have been sending you good vibes.
With what you are saying, it does sound like getting help at the hospital is a good idea. It is a place that can connect you with resources for after you leave and also give you a little bit of space to process things and decompress. Again, whether you are admitted or not is up to the doctor evaluating you, but if you disclose your self harm and continued urges that may be reason enough to admit you.
As for your pets, do you have anyone who could watch them for a bit? Or is there a place you can afford to board them? You can also possibly find a pet sitter online if that is something you would be comfortable doing. webistes like care.com have people looking for those jobs, it could be worth checking out.
I also wanted to touch on the point you are making about school. Your EFC used to be zero, and now it isn't. That is likely because of a change to your parents income. If both of your parents tax information is being used for your FAFSA, it could be that their combined total does nto qualify for an EFC of zero anymore. I also really suggest logging back in to your student aid account and going over the information to make sure it is accurate. If it has any errors, you can re-submit and your financial aid will be reevaluated. Also, it is worth noting that some people qualify as independent students and get more aid because of that. I don't know if you qualify, but take a look at those requirements too and see if you meet any of them. Another thing you can do is email or call your schools financial aid office and ask to appeal for additional financial aid. Often times schools can give a bit more but it takes some pushing on your end.
But, if you do not go to school for whatever reason, that is okay too. I took a very unplanned gap year for medical and financial reasons and while it really sucked and was hard, looking back now- it was the right choice. I would also reccomend looking in to online degree programs and/or in-state schools, they tend to be more affordable. I knwo those options may not be ideal, but if school is something that you need to do for whatver reason (and it is valid to need school by the way), where you get the degree does not matter that much. Having the degree is what allows you to check off that box for your education experience.
But ulitmately I really want you to know that you are going to be okay. Whether you go to school or not, the hospital or not, you are going to be alright. Things do get easier and you will learn to navigate things better with time. I know that is a terrible answer and does not help you right now, but I know what you are going through on a very personal level (more than I am okay with sharing here, but I do get it) and I want you to know that you will get through this. It won't be easy and it probably won't be fun, but you will do it. And one day you will be able to look back at everything that is happening now and just shake your head at how intense it all is. You are not alone in this experience and while it isn't a great thing to be dealing with, you can do it.
I am wishing you the absolute best and really hope you are able to do what is best for you.
Stay safe.
-Mod Emmett
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tamryisk Ā· 3 years ago
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Hey, I heard that Tommy is getting therapy, and I wanted to know if that was true or not. Honestly, I'm kinda worried for him ( since I worry about everyone, I'm a every sympathetic person ) and if it is true, plz send me a video. Not a link for YouTube tho, since it's blocked on my phone.
( Like I said, I am quick to worry about people and I want to make sure everyone I care about is safe mentally and physically. Hearing that Tommy needs therapy absolutely breaks my heart, and honestly I'm very scared for his wellbeing. He's probably doing fine, and I understand that but I just really wanna make sure since I haven't been able to catch a stream of his. So honestly, anything would help me out to better understand the situation. Thank you. )
-------------
EDIT : i found a clip on the situation. This fucking breaks my heart, he's a teenager and shouldnt have to deal with such stress and everything. It's horrible.
As for Schlatt I couldn't care. I mean he is a cc with his own work and obviously, it's working for him. I just don't understand why Stans and other people within (and outside) the community feel entitled to feelings, vents, and explanations from cc (Apologizing is completely different but once again they don't owe you shit). Like I understand they could have hurt your feelings, I understand that they are idolized in fans' eyes but I don't think people fully realize or grasp the concept of parasocial relationships/interactions through online activity. Twitter is just full of drama and hate. Looking for any reason to dramatize and capitalize off... well drama. Tommy is a teenager, much like everyone he is developing mentally, physically, and emotionally. He still attends school (to my knowledge), his job is to be an entertainer, he doesn't NEED to be into politics or political issues to be a cc. I understand that as a 'white cis male (straight?)' he CAN use his platform to inform his audience about different issues but it is not in THE JOB DESCRIPTION. He does YouTube and Twitch because he likes it, it's a job that he enjoys and he is involved in his community.
Tommy has been educating himself on LGBTQIA+ issues and that community and honestly, he didn't need to do that. However, Tommy DID because he cares about his community as a cc. I, as a person who sometimes watches the dream SMP believe that Tommy doesn't mind educating himself on topics however being forced by communities, individuals, and platforms to 'educate' yourself on heavy topics can and will affect your mental health. Tommy isn't telling you to watch Schlatt nor support him, however, Tommy was opening up about his troubles throughout the quarantine period and how Schlatt's CONTENT was able to help him through that. I like Harry Potter does that mean I support, condone, or like J.K. Rowling's actions ? not at all I dislike her on a human level. Tommy admitted that Schlatt was an asshat and has done shit things but who hasn't? Tommy is 17 (still developing) he has a YouTube community of 3.4 Million and a Twitch community of 5.6 Million followers of course he is going to be overwhelmed, it wouldn't be normal if he wasn't. He stated that if you couldn't deal with something and you can get therapy, then get it. It was stupid and idiotic of him to talk about such an important subject while tired but much like what Wilbur said he should formulate his ideas before stating them. That's on him.
( this long paragraph was a comment i found on a video about everything, i just changed a bit of things to fit i wanted to say. I canr properly say what i want to say but this comment was exactly what i wanted to say. )
The video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34liLLKSTJ0
- Glazeddd, aka Tobi.
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hamsterrivals Ā· 4 years ago
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ok, so.
I made a youtube video, of me narrating Ashita no Joe episode 4.
I was wondering for awhile if it would be ok to upload a video thatā€™s just directly an anime episode of Ashita no Joe.
I thought partly, maybe it would be ok, since that anime came out like before 1970 or something so maybe itā€™s free domain,
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but nah. It is blocked. I canā€™t find the video at all.
but, that isnā€™t going to stop me..
I will do the impossible, (even though I am depressed, about someone I know. irl)
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and narrate Ashita no Joe episode 4.
I made a whole video of me narrating it with my voice. but itā€™s blocked aaaa. I refuse to let it go, though.
giga..drill...breakeriswhat Iā€™d say but I am too depressed about someone I know irl.
Ok so anyways, this was gonna be a YouTube video, especially cuz-- [had to delete the explanation] anyways here:
[deleted stuff.....] ...
anyways here:
oh shizzat its 4am Iā€™m fluffinā€™ tired. so Iā€™m just gonna skim the episode and post screenshots argh my foot is pulsating as I type that as if my entire body is thinking ā€œwow I know you re-watched Ashita no Joe episodes again yesterday but you should watch the whole episode again its godlyā€ Iā€™m sorry ewotjwte its just almost 4am and I had to wake up at 10am yesterday.
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the opening plays. and then:
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that one guy that is like my dad reads about my stuff
Jebus freakinā€™ RICE Iā€™m tired. But I need to do something productive today cuz after I woke up at 10am for my social worker I was tired and drained all day from hearing the voices of the people upstairs and the noise in the wall.
my dad I mean Danpai keeps reading the newspaper (like how in -- gah nevermind [deleted cuz Iā€™m paranoid about what [NEVERMIND deleted the explanation]] and
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my freakinā€™ dad I mean Danpai gets mad at Joe just like
I DELETED [canā€™t say] like 8 years ago cuz of that time when I [=/ Canā€™t say the details]
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GOSH DARN IT this is just like something irl and I canā€™t even say what it is because Iā€™m too paranoid about people [deleted explanation here]
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ok so basically Joe is super successful and doing good things in this world but no one believes him cuz his stupid azz danpai adopted dad figure is a dumb bummie, and then
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and then I wanna explain 99 lines but weā€™re not even 2 minutes into the episode, so I guess I have to skip some parts; I mean it is 4am after all
and then
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ok so thereā€™s this snobby lady (at the time ? perhaps she changes at the very very very very end but I wonā€™t give any spoilers about how the very final episode goes itjewiot btw I literally watched this anime starting from the very last episode cuz someone said this series has best ending in anime/manga of all time, and then I started back at early episodes after that, when I first watched this however years ago,)
and then
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yes we printed this article cuz .. youā€™re trustworthy and popular but Joe is just an unpopular guy who helps out orphans and gives his money away to help out orphans
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ya know how when I watched the first 11 episode with [wonā€™t say but the guy that begins with Sau and ends with ce that I was friends with for 15 years and he kept making fun of it multiple times in the chat saying ā€œMore like a shit a joe.ā€] well these guys are like wow Joe is a delinquent cuz he is helping out orphans
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wow Yabuki Joe used an alt account or some shiz and made a complete lie to try to help society for the better like making a peaceful game and then I mean boxing I mean waterver and then
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no one believes ni the main character Joe who is LITERALLY helping out local orphans; and theyā€™re basically like just jealous of him and twisting the truth to make him look bad is what these snobby popular people are doing t hat actually have friends unlike the wondering loner Joe Yabuki,
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this very popular snobby lady who actually has friends unlike ab- Yabuki Joe doesnā€™t care that Joe is actually being helpful and wants to make projects that will bring peace to this world, she will not give him a chance because she cares more about appearances and keeping up her reputation.
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....She takes on the full pressure and responsibilty. But can she handle it?
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theyā€™re basically like ā€œuhhh do you have [deleted in case it comes off as offensive, since I know some others that make fun of that stuff >=\ which I donā€™t like either cuz I get made fun of [the deleted thing] too . It shouldnā€™t even have to be deleted >=\ but I was in a [DELETED] and they made fun of [the deleted thing] so I guess it has to be [deleted] which is so sad for this world ??] and so
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the really cool person who *doesnā€™t reveal spoilers of the end of the series aa* says please leave Train- Yabuki Joe to me !!
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i have faith in him he totally will not somehow break this faith that I vaguely have in him and am kinda too shy to publicly admit..
I wonder what Joe is feeling like right now and doing:
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s o anyways Joe keeps laughing 99 times in this episode, and, cuz he knows heā€™s right and just helping out orphans and people that arenā€™t popular and too afraid to join the b- never mind.
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some of his followers donā€™t respond to his long rants and are like maybe he is going too far and should back down fro mthe very popular snobby lady
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Yabuki Joe laughs again
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he says Whatā€™s the matter with you!? Stop siding with the very popular lady that actually has friends and a good reputation who is a stuck up and like do what is right instead of what . will make people think better of you even if you know in your hear that maybe it might be wrong.
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The snobby lady posted on Twit- I mean irl the anime known as Ashita no Joe the they posted a screenshot of me saying ā€œI have family.....ā€ and they mocked him saying ā€œUm.... I have family too....?ā€ as her followers mocked Yabuki Joe on twitter in the 1970s anime or something,
but family isnā€™t what matters, everyone has family,
what matters is that you all still have a poor reputation because you have no friends which I think is 100% ok but the stuck-up lady who hates Joe for some reason atm just cares about how theyā€™re rich in [deleted snarky remarks] reputation.
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stop caring about the dislikes and haters and appreciate the supporters that you do have;;.
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yabuki Joe says F THE HATERS THIS IS Just the beginning of [would say but I wanna here but X_X; [deleted the reason why I wonā€™t] because of [deleted] because of [deleted]]
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,y gpa; s 1 million followers cuz then they at least know what is right
in this world.
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and then joe is like
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and then;
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then heā€™s like yea in my heart I know its good to have that many followers cuz I know the true true truth about Yabuki Joe the anime and manga character from Ashita no Joe, he just wants that many followers to program an indie game about- I mean anyways
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they say
[OK WHAT THEH ECK I SERIOUSLY DID RECORD A VIDEO OF ME JUST NARRATING THIS ENTIRE EPISODE AND I uploaded it yesterday on a video sharing site but it is blocked cuz of copyrighted content aaa even though this was from beforeĀ  1970 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa now I gotta explain in text instead of voice like I already did last night AAAAAAAAAAaa]
they say But what would you do with that much power, that many internet I mean irl followers in 197o in Ashita no Joe the anime/manga series?
and then Yabuki Joe says teh
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then heā€™s like What the gosh darn shiz in yoshville mans,
and then
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and theyā€™re like Look Yabuki Joe lives in a Terrible place with Terrible living conditions wher e brick dust keeps falling down and then
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and like Joe has no problems like getting kawaii innocent ppl to follow him, but the others are a bit suspicious.. of Joe and his behavior..
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Joe is like iā€™m gonna build a huge online hamster game soon.
and then someone tells Abu in tumblr messages I mean they tell
Someone tells Yabuki Joe as you can see if you flippinā€™ watch the episode yourself (I donā€™t blame you. I hope someone will check this series out, though. Itā€™s my favorite anime series, to be honest.) anyways and then someone from his fandom of - anyways someone says
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Heā€™s so full of himself.
I guess you suffer from delusions of grandeur?
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the bully who is even in the same exact fandom as ab- Yabuki Joe of being an orphan says that, and because theyā€™re so big inside, people blindly listen to them.
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the true actual innocent follower that knows trainerab- Yabuki Joe is actually honest and truthful is like, wow shut the fak up brah, and then:
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Then the ā€œAre you sure you donā€™t suffer from delusions of grandeur?ā€ doubtful follower who is keeping an eye on Ab-Yabuki Joe I mean and watching over him to try to keep the orphanage safe falsely then says ā€œThis is a clown. See this clown? Abu is hiring th I mean Yabuki Joe had this younger person defend himā€ Wow and then
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one of the only innocent ppl in this show besides Yabuki Joe and a bunch of later characters in this series in later episodes that happen soon, know Joe really is telling the truth and that he really is honest and sheā€™s pizzed awf at that hater troll person trying to Provoke joe and such on [deleted] anime & manga series Ashita no Joe the anime/manga series, and then
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then theyā€™re like, uh oh maybe Joe does have some loyal followers who know the real truth and we should hold our distance and see what he does and what he is truly like, first, and then
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so, then
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so then Yabuki Joe shows them their steam profile and the gam I mean the BY- I mean
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Joe is like ok I played retro games my whole life and watched cool cartoons like the Rugrats and I play cool games and twisted trolls like the snobby girl try to make it look like I ā€œchange my interests to appease othersā€ but come into my YouTube channel office and c the truth that I really DID play a lot of SNES games and then
I mean Yabuki Joe says this is my office and this is where I live,
I live in a factory that rains brick dust,
and then,
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AND THEN I WANNA NARRATE THIS ENTIRE EPISODE BUT IT IS FREAKINā€™ 4:35am and I gotta get up soon
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I mean I flippinā€™ already narrated this entire episode and commented on it etc. and made a cool video of it but YouTube blocked it AAAAAAAA even tho it was an anime made in
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1970 I thought it would be free domain by now and o.k. to upload a video of it to YouTube with audio commentary GOSH AAAaaaa GOSH I WANNA NARRATE THE WHOLE EPISODE
AS I SAID IN THE youtube video that is blocked on YouTube I think it is a requirement cuz like it really pejeroyjoirjyorejijioe
ok have a nice night.
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