#watching hannibal and hating it era

[cogitoergodoleo]

i am now forever traumatized by kidney pie. rip beverly katz.

[harrowscore]

why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip

[t0ast-ghost]

The last one… it’s been coming for awhile…

Here’s my thoughts on Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

(Spoilers for- well— everything)

- Before watching this movie I was trying to figure out why they chose this name and was told by my mom it’s a Shakespeare reference which.. I should have guessed

- “A Nicholas Myer Film” Cool! Now we know who to blame or bow to

- The music is so fucking intense I’m worried now

- I know Christopher Plummer is famous, I can’t place the face though and I want to say I know the name from the muppet show

- WAIT. Michael Dorn… WORF

- Wanna let y’all know that there was a guy (Harve Bennet) who wanted to create a completely different sixth movie that would’ve been more like a prequel where they recasted everyone to have an “academy era” movie with Kirk, Spock, and McCoy shenanigans. Gene Roddenberry didn’t fucking like that idea (cause only he knows how to cast apparently)

- explosion :)

- Teacup that tells you what ship you’re on. I now understand why everyone hates Quark trying to spread his own brand when Starfleet clearly is trying to push their own into every single crevasse

- HIII SULU HIIII

- It’s nice that they gave him the ship he kept saying he was hoping for in voyage home

- I won’t make a fart joke out of “gaseous planetary anomalies” and I definitely won’t say that Q did it

- DAMN NOT THE TEACUP. NBC Hannibal would fucking hate this movie

- Forgot how much I freaking love George Takei and I am so happy they gave him more stuff to do in this movie

- Falling… for about 7 seconds which is about 4 seconds more than normal

- Fairly certain that’s Janice Rand (5:32) (edit: it is! Hi Janice!!!)

- “We have no need for assistance,” and “Stay out of the neutral zone,” sounds like challenge

- Kirk says “What are we doing here?” STARRRING IN THE SIXTH STAR TREK MOVIEE BABEYYYY

- Scotty bought a boat, Uhura teaches seminars at the academy, I love hearing about their lives, keep going

- “Where’s Spock?” Asked in the saddest wettest voice. Kirk’s got his priorities straight. Er- well- not straight exactly but they’re there

- Them trying to hide that the “special envoy” is Spock when Kirk is sitting there looking at him like this

- Sorry babygirl not taking in any of that information. I am taking in those beautiful eyes tho <3

- Ooooh starting this one off with Kirk and Spock on opposite political sides

- Kirk being the one who has to offer the olive branch probably because Spock thought he could trust him to be on the side of peace (which was a miscalculation cause he’s probably still pretty angry with the whole “you Klingon bastards killed my son” thing…)

- ��I remind you this meeting is classified” as everybody splits off into chattering gossip

- Kirk actually getting angry at Spock for “volunteering” them. The giant empty room with Kirk in the shadows and only Spock in the light (plus that random person standing in a dark corner for some reason) augh the mise en scène is wonderful

- I don’t even know how to unpack all that. Kirk so prejudiced against the Klingons (finally taking a more antagonistic stance) and saying “You should have trusted me” WHICH IS WHAT SPOCK HAS ALWAYS DONE. Because he trusted that Kirk would ultimately want peace no matter how battered and broken he became.

- They changed Spock’s ears, made the points more curved into themselves

- Why does every new lieutenant like quoting regulations to Kirk? How many does he just regularly break?

- OH FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DOES HE LOOK OVER AT SPOCK SO SOFTLY

- I love how shape her hair is (draw it draw it draw it dammnit)

- Whenever creating a Star Trek movie you need someone on the production team who loves the ship departing from space dock scenes

- “I can never forgive them for the death of my boy.” Kirk says my boy

- Okay yes, Valeris should have knocked before entering his room but Kirk should also know to lock his door when he’s talking to his diary

- Why is Valeris so involved in this movie? First she’s talking to Kirk and now we’re following her to Spock’s? Strange (my guess. She’s evil.)

- “It is a reminder to me that all things end.” Like your life. Twice. Also that’s a nice sentiment and all but it’s so sad with the context that even his own original timeline ends

- “Logic is the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, not the end.” YEAHHH OLDER SPOCK he’s got a more balanced view on the world and himself

- OKAY I absolutely adore the costume design, especially for Gorkon. Like the golden clips in the hair? The red suit adorned with studs and the giant silver necklace?? The beard??? Amazing

- I like that there’s a “chief of staff” for the Klingons. It’s like the manager at a party city

- “They all look alike” BRO THEY MOST FUCKINGLY DO NOT

- I love the chief of staff being so confused over what the napkin roll thing is. I feel that.

- Ah yes my favourite meal. Blue. With a side of orange of course.

- “I offer a toast. The Undiscovered Country…” Welp. He said it. Time to wrap up the movie

- YEP ITS SHAKESPEARE BABEYYY (thank you Spock for saying that it’s Hamlet, act III, scene I, cause I didn’t wanna look it up)

- “You’ve not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon.” Quoi???

- Spock actively trying to stop Kirk from starting a war

- I think this is such a good part where the Klingons are trying to state their worries. The gradual (or not so gradual) need for assimilation to be apart of starfleet. This is a particularly big problem for the Klingons because so much of their culture has been entwined with violence which Starfleet seems almost hellbent to take away. As well as hearing troubling language such as “human rights” thrown in their faces

- IM SORRY. Kirk. You didn’t. You didn’t just compare someone to hitler.

- Spock looks actually so fucking pissed at Kirk

- “If there is to be a brave new world, our generation is going to have the hardest time living in it.” Gorkon dropping all the good lines

- McCoy just standing there adjusting his outfit and looking like the most tired man alive

- “I’m going to sleep this off.” “I’m going to go find a pot of black coffee.” Both Kirk and McCoy leaving Spock :(((

- The shaky swoop of the camera as Kirk and the rest of the bridge realize that somehow they just fired on the Klingon vessel

- Don’t care about the rest of the movie I just love the scene where everything starts floating on the Klingon vessel

- AUGH THOSE SPACE SUITS OKAY I DO STILL CARE

- Love me some good ol’ bad 3D graphics blood

- Times like this I wish I’d never skipped my tlhIngan Hol classes

- Floating dead Klingons. What. A. Scene.

- Aw Fuck Dude. The one guy getting gravity back online and everything falling to the ground and blood splattering and AUGHHH. Every time I think this scene can’t get better, it does!

- HIII MCCOY!!! He got to rush onto the bridge just to ask “are we firing torpedoes” and I appreciate that :)

- Kirk and Spock fighting over who should go to the Klingon ship and Spock saying “perhaps you’re right” and then putting his hand on Kirk’s shoulder made me more nervous than it should have. Darn you Wrath of Khan! You’ve given me trust issues. (but you're telling me this isn't supposed to look like a nerve pinch???)

- Also Kirk ultimately still trying to maintain peace. It’s his knee jerk reaction to this. He’s got what he’s said he’s wanted when incased in his own emotions about loosing his son but he knows it’s not right

- and finally, yay! McCoy gets to go on the mission!

- The actor for the Klingon that greets them is so good at the rage mixing with grief and sadness

- McCoy to the rescue!!

- Either Klingon blood is pink (like in that one game) or they wanted to keep it pg-13

- “He’s gone into some kind of damned arrest!” McCoy proceeds to straddle the Klingon on top of the table so he has leverage to do proper CPR… I have no thoughts on this that I’d like to share

- I do not believe McCoy’s punches would be strong enough to restart a heart. I’m sorry but they look so puny

- The blood bubbling as Gorkon dies is so fucking good oh my heart

- This is all happening at 2:00 fucking AM??? No wonder Kirk is tired

- “I sympathize, Mr. Scott.” Love when they make Spock say he ‘understands’ or ‘sympathizes’

- SAREKKKK!! Hehe hiiii

- “We are experiencing technical malfunction. All backup systems inoperative.” “Excellent. I… I mean, too bad.” A banger scene from Uhura and Chekov

- Rosanna DeSoto as Azetbur (the Chancellor’s daughter) plays the part so well. Again their portrayal of grief and anger while trying to get to peace is so fucking amazing. LOOK AT HER FACE

- Maybe I’m not so happy about McCoy being on this mission after all…

- The giant circular judgement chamber is so fucking cool

- MICHAEL DORN 🫵

- The sparking gavel <3

- I love the beginning of a translator translating all the Klingon’s words

- WORF IS THEIR DEFENDANT???

- That one Klingon that laughs at McCoy’s joke, wanna be friends?

- “You say you are due for retirement. May I ask, do your hands shake?” “Objection!” “I was nervous!” “No. You were incompetent.” This is like watching reality tv for me. That’s some good drama

- phew thank goodness they’re not killing McCoy. He’s too pretty to die

- The back and forth slow zoom in on McCoy & Kirk and the judge didn’t have the intensity they were going for but I appreciate the effort

- “Better to kill them now and get it over with.” That’s nice Scotty

- Oh shit Spock loosing both of his husbands in one sentencing. That cannot be good for the economy

- “An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains however improbable, must be the truth.” Ancestor? You mean fucking Arthur Conan Doyle?? Or Sherlock??? Either way that’s a hecking lore drop

- They’ve got a murder mystery aboard the Enterprise, this is my dream

- Hey babe, new Klingon dog beast just dropped (Jackal Mastiff)

- I let out an audible “aww” of pity when I saw McCoy wrapped up in a blanket

- I can’t believe I’m only halfway through this movie what is even happening anymore

- Had a brief pause to voice crackedly yell a little bit. Something along the lines of “I do not care. I do not care! I don’t care! I just want Spock- I just want them with Spock! I do not care!” And then let myself breathe for a second or two (and then made chicken nuggets). The outburst was born of a deep sadness from the fact that they can’t just be happy and retired together. Ok, back to the movie.

- Martia just handed Kirk a blunt change my mind

- “Somebody up there wants you out of the way.” of course, it can’t just be about actual politics between the Klingons and Federation, it has to actually be about Kirk and somebody trying to kill him. Dang it.

- “But the killers may still be among them.” …wait a damn minute.. you’re saying there’s imposters- *pulled away forcefully*

- I love how every commanding officer comes into the kitchen absolutely furious that someone fired a phaser

- On that note: why is there a kitchen? And why are they preparing various cooked birds? Who’s having a banquet tonight?

- What kind of bullshit evolution puts a species genitals in their knees?

- Hate how Kirk just lets McCoy go treat the highly dangerous being alone

- “Spock was right” NO SHIT HE’S LITERALLY AN ANCESTOR OF SHERLOCK

- YASSS SULU!!! Now get your rest you beautiful man

- Spock will literally leave no stone unturned for his husbands

- Either Martia has some really good prosthetics in the cave or she’s wearing someone else’s skin… NEVERMIND haha she’s just a shapeshifter

- Chekov was so proud of himself dammit. Too bad he was so utterly wrong

- Also Valeris is so expressive, kinda loving it

- The planet seems kinda nice in the daylight.. minus the dead body I’d say it’s pretty similar to winters in Canada (yes I made the joke, please delete it before posting) (edit: nope <3 just like Canada. Made your bed, lie in it)

- “Leave me. I’m finished.” Goddamn this man’s worst enemy is the cold. Both times McCoy just gives up and tells Spock or Kirk to leave him (First time being in All Our Yesterdays)

- “If they’re even looking for us.” Bones. Spock would literally NEVER leave the both of you. That aside the rest of the Enterprise crew also loves you like crazy

- Everyone laughing on the channel with the Klingons is so funny

- Holyy shit. Is Kirk going to fight.. himself???

- McCoy angel <3

- “I can’t believe I kissed you.” Yeah. Me neither. You didn’t actually have too.

- Poor McCoy holy cannoli oil. He’s knocked out and when he wakes up immediately gets trampled by two versions of his husband

- HIIII JACKAL MASTIFF HIII

- “Since you’re all going to die anyway, why not tell you.” When I go to watch the cinema sins video (I know I’m sorry) on this movie I bet they’ll say “klingonposition” or smt like that here

- If it’s just Chang that wants Kirk dead that’s so disappointing

- McCoy looks over and sees this

- “What you want is irrelevant, what you’ve chosen is at hand.” SPOCK IS ANGRYYYYY SPOCK IS PISSSED

- Please someone let McCoy take a shower, he stinks

- WAIT VALERIS WAS THE ONE SITTING IN THE DARK CORNER OF THE ROOM IN THE BEGINNING

- The distorted wavy angle that almost feels like it’s going side to side dutch angles with each of Spock’s footsteps as he nears Valeris

- I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED IN THEATRES

- Valeris is fucking crying omg what the actual fuck

- I honestly don’t know how to take that apart. I’m still shocked and screaming a little. The reactions from each crew member being just absolutely horrified

- I’m still reeling from that but I gotta acknowledge the fact that Spock says “I prefer it dark” when Kirk enters his quarters. So did I as a teenager and my mom would tell me it was bad for my eyes

- “You and the doctor might have been killed.” “The night is still young.” They are three months from retirement. Goddammnit let them just get to be retired together on a farm or condo or smt. I don’t give a shit just let them rest.

- “Spock, you want to know something? Everybody’s human.” NO THEYRE NOT IN THIS CONTEXT. That was kind of a big point made in this movie. I think the point you’re trying to make is ‘everyone in the whole galaxy forever will always make mistakes.’

- “Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery on a torpedo?”

- Chang just said, “ah the games afoot” why are there so many Sherlock Holmes references in this one? Like I know they have a hard on for famous literature but this one is named after a Shakespeare quote. Just saying it’s a bit crowded.

- They really wanted McCoy to say smt doctory while making the torpedo so they chose “we’ve got a heart beat”

- I think it would’ve been better if Chang said to be or not to be in Klingon like they did at the dinner table

- So they saved the day? Yay? Kirk and McCoy should legally not actually be there- oh they’re all clapping for them who cares

- SPOCK GETS TO SAY GO TO HELL

- Kirk did not just fucking quote Peter Pan. Shut the fuck up.

- McCoy’s look says it all. And by that I mean just let him retire with his husbands. Oh my goodness.

- Just for my mom I'm mentioning the flared pants (Spock and McCoy look kinda goofy tho)

- Ohhh so this is where they change it from “where no man” to “where no one��

- And the Enterprise rides off into the sun. What kind of Grease ending is that?

Awwe okay all of their signatures at the end was a nice touch

I don’t have much more to say here, I forgot how fun but time consuming it was to do these thought posts. I really really appreciate everyone who likes these posts because it means y’all took the time to read this which is just something so meaningful to me.

Thank you all so much <3

Masterpost

[alice1505]

I made the mistake of rewatching Sherlock because I never did finish it back in the day (I was -clenches fist- seething over the queerbaiting and rage quit after not fully watching episode 1 of s4) and I'm here to make my side hyperfixation (what year is this??? Who am I???) Tumblr's problem. The more I sit with s4, the less I like it 😂 There were pieces and elements I liked, but overall, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Forgive me if any or all if these points have been talked to death, I missed all the discourse and I'm hella late, but I need to flail and send my thoughts into the void because what even WAS that season? I can't believe I avoided it for years, got drawn in by a couple of tiktoks making fun (affectionately) of superwholock Era and That Scene about the fucking phone charger port, binged all of it, only to be left with..... that. Not nearly as disappointing or rage inducing as spn's ending but by God, did it leave a hole in me. So please ignore my rambling thoughts as I slap them down here for my own sanity.

• First and foremost, what - and I can't stress this enough - the fuck was UP with the assassination of John's entire character???? What was that??? Why????

• Related to that point - I can appreciate the angst point and potential it provides, as I'm reading many, many fics, but AYO WHY didn't anyone rip John an entire new one for that beat down he did on Sherlock????? Hello???? 911?????

• Tell me why everything felt so stilted and borderline icy. Like I get the high emotions and shit, but after a certain point... 😭 was there a falling out between Benedict and Martin that I'm not aware of? Did they just try to ungay everything so hard and were so pissed at the audience picking up everything THAT THEY PUT???? into this show and their interactions that they just hit the brakes hard enough to make everything feel weird???

• A lot of it felt weird. Off kilter a little. Forced in some places, toned down in others (and toned down where it shouldn't have been), a nod to ships but weirdly/hatefully??? Idk if that makes sense. Like the whole Sherlock and Molly phone call (I do not mean any hate to this ship, I really hope it doesn't come off this way. Not my cup of tea but you are valid). Why was Molly so upset BEFORE the call? Did I miss something? Also I don't personally think or feel she'd still have those feelings for him??? I??? I am bamboozled.

• to that whole point, Eurus was.... Hmm. Mmmm. She was. Something. (Confused derogatory)

• I like Mary as a character. I also hated her. (Definitely biased by my shipper trash ass self for johnlock, I'm sorry). Wtf were those messages, please. Edit: AND ANOTHER THING. John's reaction to Sherlock's death - awful, gut wrenching, beautiful, my heart breaks with and for him, utterly devasting. John's reaction to Mary's death - had me sitting there like🧍‍♀️(it was weird. so weird. awkward. w h y. (we know why, but also the acting choices were Something TM, in both cases! for different reasons!) i'm sorry i just can't get past my anger and put off-ness with mary, fun as she could be)

• why did mycroft and John switch roles 😭 pls. The last episode was just. So Much. The lackluster responses from John, to John, to Sherlock, between them, like.... hello???? Who are these people?? Help me. Moriarty saved me for a brief shining moment tho, God bless.

There's more I could spew, but that's what's sitting right at the top of my head. I guess all this just to say, if a show runner/writer really just fucking hates the audience they got (instead of the one they wanted), they probably shouldn't have fucking become a show runner/writer in the first place. Either hand it to someone who can actually handle it and listens, or fuck off. I will never understand when shows and plots and characters gets kamikaze'd because of a show runner being pissy and egotistical. Like ????? Grow up. Learn from Bryan Fuller and Hannibal or something.

Sorry for all the rambling, bless anyone who reads this and makes sense of it 😂

[rey-jake-therapist]

Nina from Black Swan vs Will from Hannibal

Another parallel no one asked for: Black Swan and Hannibal, or more precisely, Nina and Will.

I rewatched Black Swan yesterday. And wow, it's not because I'm currently in my Fannibal era but the parallels between Nina's story and Will's just jumped straight at my face. They're so (tragically similar).

They both suffer from an illness but don't know it. For Nina, it's likely to be a mental illness that remained undiagnosed and gives her hallucinations when she's under great stress. Also she's prone to self harming, as we see several times during the movie. For Will, it's encephalitis, which under Hannibal's 'treatment' gives him similar symptoms.

They both hate themselves and express it by engaging in a process of self destruction. They're both very good at their job. To do it right, they're forced to dig deep inside themselves and confront themselves to things which existence they denied all their life. Their job slowly but surely destroys them, they know it but they refuse to stop because they believe it's the only thing that gives them a value. What drives Nina is to be 'perfect', an unreachable goal in essence; what drives Will is to save lives thanks to a gift he has, but he can't save everybody. Worse, he can't seem to be able to save himself, his 'gift' turning out to be more of a curse for him.

They both have an authoritarian figure in their life who smothers them and project their past failures on them (the creepy mother who forces her into staying a child while guilting her for being born for Nina, Jack Crawford who watches him destroy himself, and uses him in a goose chase against the Ripper for Will). Both Nina's mother and Jack Crawford treat Nina/Will as, in Hannibal's words, "their finest china, used only for special guests". There's something deeply disturbing in the way Nina's mother keeps disrespecting Nina's boundaries while she's a woman in their 20s, that's not existent with Jack Crawford (though it could be argued that when he insists that Will keeps using his empathy disorder to solve crimes even after Will clearly tells him it harms him, he also disrespects Will's intimacy in a way), but it's about the influence they have on Nina/Will. They also have in commun the fact that they know something's wrong with the person they're supposed to protect, but choose to do nothing about it because it doesn't serve their personal agenda. Nina's mother for example, knows it's not the first time that Nina engages in self harm and yet, the only thing she does is yelling at her and shaming her. Jack Crawford watches Will's mental and physical health get worse and worse, but chooses to ignore the warning signs and to pretend he believes Will when he claims he's 'fine'. When Will expresses his discomfort he's deaf to his distress and proposes him with disdain to quit, knowing that's not what Will wants.

They both have a smoking hot DILF man in their life who pushes them to accept the darkness in them. Both male figures are abusive in a different way (Thomas has no respect for Nina's boundaries, forces her to kiss him and touches her in a very inappropriate way, then humiliates her based on the idea that she's not "fuckable" enough to be the Black Swan; Hannibal manipulates Will through brutal therapy methods), but their goals are similar. Thomas feels that Nina represses a lot of things and wants her to listen to her pulsions so she can be both the White and the Black swan Queen. Hannibal feels that Will secretly enjoys killing and wants him to admit it so he can embrace his true self. Both men are... Bad men lol and they end up doing more harm than good. One could argue that without them neither Nina or Will wouldn't have learnt so much about themselves, but the price to pay came very high: Nina stabs herself during an hallucination and Will jumps off a bridge with Hannibal, to free themselves.

Both Nina and Will suffer from a similar type of hallucinations: they are face to face with a darker version of them, who sometimes takes someone else's face: the dancer Lily for Nina, Gareth Jacob Hobbs for Will. In both cases they're characters for whom they have ambivalent feelings: Nina is extremely attracted to Lily but in her paranoia believes she conspires to steal the role from her, while Will sees Gareth Jacob Hobbs as an horrible murderer but can't help but feel he's becoming one with him. They both hallucinate that a monster lives inside of them and tries to dominate them at some point.

Both Nina and Will discover they're attracted to a person of the same sex while also considering this person as an enemy. Actually in Nina's case I think it's more a case of internalized homophobia, nourished by her abusive mother who always kept her away from the external world and from exploring her sexuality, and probably fed her with fairy tales about a fair noble prince who will take her on his white horse one day. Surely her mother never discussed sexuality matters with her, considering that even though Nina's in her 20s she keeps treating her like a literal child. Where Will considers himself straight, Nina probably never even allowed herself to question her sexuality. When Thomas very rudely asks her if she's a virgin she blatantly lies because she realizes that telling the truth will make her look weird; and I got the feeling in this scene that she was disappointed not to have sex with him that night, not because she had a crush on him, but because she wanted to seem "normal" to him, and for the world in general. But it's very clear she's not attracted to him, or to any other men. The only person she wants is Lily, a woman. And since the idea of being sexually attracted to Lily terrifies her, and also because Lily isn't interested in her that way, it makes very much sense that in her craziness Lily becomes her enemy.

For Will, it's a bit different: the problem with Hannibal isn't so much that he's a man (as I say I think Will considers himself straight by default but I don't think it would stop him from admitting his feelings for Hannibal were the circumstances different), but that he's a serial killer and a cannibal. Will's goal is to save people from killers like Hannibal. That's what drives him and I don't think that it will ever change. So Hannibal is Will's natural enemy, in a way. That's the tragedy of this romance: they can't be without the other but they also can't be together BECAUSE what drives them is completely, utterly different, opposite even. At least that's the significance of the double suicide in The Wrath of the Lambs. They survived and Will has apparently decided to renounce his main goal to co murder and eat Bedelia du Maurier in a season we'll probably never see, but I can't see how doing that could turn good for him. Will will never be like Hannibal imho, no matter how hard he tries :(

And yet I can find another similarity: Lily is everything that Nina wishes she is: free, attractive, with no self put boundaries. I think Will also envies Hannibal to be the way he is, and that a part of him wishes he could become like him. He wants Hannibal to change him, but it goes against his main goal (saving people), hence his internal struggles.

Both Nina and Will choose suicide as their way out, completing their tragic arc. For Nina of course it's a poetic mirror of the Swan Queen's fate; the queen, reduced to stay a swan forever because her lover was seduced by the Black Swan, throws herself off a cliff (!) and finds freedom from her curse in death. Nina, however , kills herself believing she's killing her enemy, the message being of course that the only enemy she's got is herself (doesn't Hannibal tell Will something like that at some point? That he's his worst enemy?). Will kills both his internal enemy, the part of him he can't accept (the Will who enjoys killing and wants to kill again to feel powerful), and Hannibal, the man who's by definition his enemy, but also the man he can't live without because he's the only one who accepts the darkness he has in him.

Finally, both Nina and Will believe they reach their goal when they 'die': Nina's talent for dancing reached perfection in her final performance; Will jumps taking Hannibal with him thinking he's saving the world from Hannibal. Both endings are tragic, because they lie on the same sad conclusion: they couldn't accept themselves enough to live with themselves, so they embarked on a journey of self destruction that lead them to their death, wether it's a physical or metaphysical death we're talking about. Nina may be still alive at the end of Black Swan, and we know Will still is. But what part of them survived the fall?

[readychilledwine]

acotar dream cast?

I mean.. I have a few I for sure would be like "Delicious."

Warning - My vibes might not match your vibes, and that's okay! That's part of the fun of ✨️ dream casting ✨️, big plot twist in Liz's feelings on this (one I know a lot of people want)

Beron Vanserra - Mads Mikkelsen

I find this man more attractive than I probably should. I feel like every time he plays an iconic bad guy, he nails the part and somehow makes me fall in love with the part he's playing. I loved him in Hannibal. I have a controversial opinion, I feel he played a better bad wizard in the series that shall not be named than JD did. He turned that role from an almost comical thing in an almost sexy cult leader role. I think he'd be a yummy Beron.

Amarantha - Rose Leslie

This is my Amarantha. Period. End. Rose Leslie is who I immediately pictured when reading about Amarantha's looks. I definitely feel she has a soft innocence about her that could easily switch to something darker.

Ianthe - Dove Cameron

Please don't hate me. I feel Dove has a wide enough range, acting wise, to potentially play the perfect Ianthe. I also think seeing her in such a... devious role would help really break that Disney image that, in my opinion, still follows her around.

Cresseida - Gabrielle Union

One, she's a home state hero. Two, she's gorgeous. Three, yes, I know she's in her 50s. I need more of her, though, and a sassy Summer Court Princess is right on my list for her.

Warning - Incoming the controversy:

Feyre Darling - Abigail Cowen

Just watch the Winx series and get back to me. I think she would nail our High Lady.

Elain Archeron - Daiane Meneghal

She's solely a vibes picture for me. She has a soft and elegant kind of beauty, and I could see her playing Elain. I know she primarily models, though so, potential issue.

Nesta Archeron - Plot Twist- Also Dove Cameron

Just Dove in a different hair era. And for selfish reasons. I think she would be 😘🤌 as Nesta. Dove has done some interesting and diverse roles within Disney, so I think, again, Nesta would potentially be a role she could break out of that shell in due to how complex Ness is as a character

Liz, what about everyone else?!

Simply put, my love, the first 4 are really the only ones I'd be screaming for. I've never found a perfect Rhysand, Lucien, Azriel, Cassian, Eris, or Tamlin. Why, you may ask?

I think the acotar TV adaptation should be animated, and I want @eospaint to be paid hundreds of moneys to do it.

I will fight and die on this hill 💕

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

[airbrushfather]

tag game tag game

i got tagged in this by like 4 different people so thank you if that was you!! sorry i don't remember who you all were </3 and also sorry i'm late to the party!!!

Last song?

i wish it was a better answer but the real and true answer is i say no from the west end version of heathers -- having some real emotions and feelings on this 18th of july and i intend to make them my neighbours' problem by scream-singing musical theatre until i'm hoarse

Currently watching?

flitting between two things atm, hannibal and arrested development, both shows i love and also hate. also you can count on me to always be halfway through a wrestling match and just intending to come back to it later, last one i watched was i think shield vs the wyatt family tag team

Currently reading?

no proper books atm but i have 3 ao3 tags open on my phone and they are; arrested development fic, hannibal fic, and wrestling fic. so. yknow. highly intending to start on wolf brother again after my conversation with @photoshopbazball about it but i can't say when that will be because i cannot read

Current obsession?

obviously i'm in my everything everything heavy stan era but i also have a real real soft spot for dominik mysterio right now. the man is so incredibly baby. also, idk if this counts, but i've been watching a lot of children's programming lately. i am telling myself this is because i want to be a children's tv presenter but it's also just because i am very very stupid and i am just as excited about a man talking about dinosaurs and fish as a 4 year old would be.

everyone i would have tagged has already done this but uhhh i guess @atomicblazecoffee @veryconfusedunlabeledguy come get yall juice?

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

kute | cards | end song for sandy g tune rating :)

finally doing this!! thank you for your patience :)

kute-8/10 i love this song now. i remember thinking it was really overhyped because i think i saw it around before i really listened to alex g like this one and mary in particular in like 2013 or 2014 and listened to like 30 seconds and they struck me as trying really really hard to be edgy but i wasnt giving them a fair chance tbh!

on the surface level i think this song is from the perspective of a serial killer/cult leader and honestly just reads like a really vivid strange dream . i think what makes the song so interesting to me is that it plays with how loving/desiring/being devoted or attracted to someone both elevates them to a god level and simultaneously feel so strongly its almost a violent or self-destructive impulse, especially when youre quite young and experiencing that for some of the first couple times and they are a god simply for making you feel that strongly and you want it and want to keep it somehow but also kin of hate them for it and feel the need to degrade them for putting you in that situation and making you lose your mind like that. it also strongly reminds me of nbc's hannibal and i can't not think about it when i hear it lol

favorite line:

"Baby you're pathetic You are god You are god"

cards- 7/10. i remember being so confused when this popped on my spotify one day and i was just like literally who is she....this song is so abstract to me in a lot of ways but that makes it feel really interesting. i weirdly think of some songs as being in alex g's "down the shore" collection because he has so many beach/boardwalk/atlantic city and references in his music and videos and it seems to me a real fascination with the characters that frequent those locations and especially the people who work there and there inner worlds so i always imagine this as a description of a guy who does magic/card tricks on the boardwalk in like ocean city and how unknowable these performers seem so youre trying to imagine what's going on beneath the surface there based on limited interactions. i could be 10000% off base but it's just the imagery i conjure up for this one one.

favorite line:

"Watch that frown Talk just a little bit to calm you down"

end song-10/10. first of all, we're all going to the world's fair was a really good movie that i think made people uncomfortable because yeah it went over their head but also i think it struck a chord with people and made them uncomfortable because of that.

this song this has got to be one of the saddest alex g songs to me, but not for the reason that his songs usually are sad like as in telling a sad story, but it just captures like unadultered hopelessness and a feeling of being trapped within yourself and your own routines and your identity in a really haunting way. it reminds me a lot of big fish in terms of imagery (and because i think that song is expressing the same trapped feeling in terms of identity) , that was my first thought when i heard it. it also feels like a really genuine product of the pandemic era and the general malaise almost everyone was experiencing at time so it will always remind me of that too.

The chorus is extremely haunting and memorable obviously but the part that really gets to me is this one:

"I tumble through my day A fish in mud A scarecrow full of blood"

[citrinekay]

ten first lines

Rules: Share the first line of ten of your most recent fanfics and then tag ten people. Don't have ten? Not to worry, just share what you have.

thanks for tagging me @tiffanylamps! I love the premise of this game because first lines are so important for me. I really try to write a first line that is completely recontextualized or paralleled by the ending, plus draws the reader in. I've written a lot, so I'll be pulling from different fandoms here including Mindhunter, Black Sails, Hannibal, and of course Beyond Evil 💃Let's get started 💃 1. "A day after Bill comes home from Wopsononock Mountain, the trap in the vegetable garden catches a rabid possum." from The Papermill Revivals my massive Mindhunter Prohibition Era AU and what I mean by recontextualizing the beginning. if ykyk 2. "The longboats emerge from the dark roll of the waves like ghosts materializing from nothing." from "trust among thieves" the first installment in a 7-part Silverflint series deconstructing of their relationship through kink over the second half of the show. spoiler alert: the series also ends with Silver again standing on deck watching Flint leave him rather than come back to him 🥺😭 3. "Boot leather clung to the ridge of jagged, charcoal rock, balance defying the magnetic pull of gravity." from The Painted Veil, a post-fall Hannigram fic wherein Will contemplates self-defenestration from a lighthouse. 4. "From a distance, it appears that Manyang hasn’t changed one bit." from the bitter and the sweet - my first jwds fic! spoiler alert: manyang had, in fact, changed 5. "The three buccaneers arrive at Port Royal out of the dusk and rain, though none but the innkeeper pays notice as the chaos around them prattles on." from this stretch of sea and sand, a post-canon Silverflint fic and my take on Hanahaki disease. a personal favorite. i tore my own heart out :( 6. "Seoul reminds Dong-sik of Sang-yeob." from a cruel and futile miracle - jwds post-episode 8 impulsive, drunken blowjobs. now Seoul reminds ds of jw too 😏 7. "Joo-won hears Dong-sik coming up and around the bend to the house before he sees him, the solitary, rhythmic thud of his sneakers striking the pavement at a steady jog the only accompaniment to early morning birdsong." from only our love can suffice aka the hair-washing fic aka Han Joo-won's Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known 8. "Dong-sik’s bathroom smells damp beneath a tang of citrus; the window is cracked to allow in the gust of rain-drenched air since the house had been built before the convention of a ceiling-mounted fan." from fractures, the jwds post- "I will go to hell" moment fic 9. "For years, Dong-sik had not minded living alone." from survivalism. spoiler alert: Dong-sik did, in fact, hate living alone. 10. "The first time Joo-won trespassed into Dong-sik’s basement, Dong-sik had thought, not just a cheeky prince but a reckless one, too." from steel trap teeth aka Joo-won going thru the whole spectrum of human emotions before finally admitting he wants Dong-sik to spank him 🥴

This was fun! I have nobody to tag but I had a ball going back through my old fics to find my favorite first lines! I'm fairly happy with all of these 😊

[roseunspindle]

What I Watched in March 2024

rewatch...these song have been on repeat in my head.

Gave into peer pressure and finally watched part one. Now I just need to wait 'till january to see part 2... I really enjoyed this one (watched it twice)

This was on youtube free with ads and I had to give it a re-watch

Had so much fun watchign this. I never liked a lot of the more...mean spirited feel from Willy Wonk and the Chocolate factory and Johnny Depp's was just...really weird and off putting so it was nice to watch a Wonka movie that I can really love. (these songs keep teaming up with Princess and the Frog songs...which is interesting to say the least.)

Turns out I am not a fan of Season 3....😒I hate Bela and tend to skip most of her episodes...Dean gets more annoying...poor Sam gets increasingly desperate...

Since Dune and Wonka made me obsess over Timothee Chalamet I was happy to fine this on youtube. It's okay...but it felt often like I was still waiting for something to happen.

My friend and I are (slowly) continuing our Hannibal watch (re-wacth for me) She insists she can only handle one episode at a time. In this one...I still want to kick Crawford a lot. Dude whining because he was saving lives...by making Will (who told him he was loosing it) torture himself. Will begins his revenge era and I am living for it.

As a pallete cleanser after Hannibal w watch an episode of Young Hercules. ^_^

Grabbed from my large pile of unwatched movies I own. I adored this! Main gripe was (Spoiler!!!) that only the mostly straight white girl lived.

[dadsbongos]

1988 VAMPIRE ORGY TOUR

6.4 K words

warnings - abhorrent fashion in some parts, eddie smokes indoors (very selfish), 2nd gentlemen prefer blondes reference in 2 weeks

summary - While on tour with Corroded Coffin, Eddie can’t help but notice that at every stop - from Indianapolis to San Diego - he happens to run into you.

SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS

The streets aren’t so crowded outside Chicago, or so late at night. That makes it easier to spot your car - specifically, to note that your car, in particular, had been tailing Eddie and his van for the past three stops. You’re in the lot directly beside his. Your ‘77 Ford Bronco with a cherry red body and eggshell white roof is only a mere few feet from his battered, musty van with scratched black paint. He hates to assume you’re tailing intentionally, especially because for you to be tailing in that car would make you a rather dull tool in his hypothetical shed.

So he just looks away as his van’s tank fills with gas.

Through tinted windows, he can make out the drooling, lax faces of his bandmates slobbering over his seats as they sleep. Though every now and again, Gareth startles awake and rubs his eyes before sitting up - then he slowly nods off again and the cycle restarts.

Aside from him, and you, the gas station is barren. Also excluding, of course, the baggy-eyed, exhausted teenager behind the counter inside the station.

Eddie likes Hawkins more than Springfield. He likes the feeling of small-town isolation and the way he could see a sky full of stars at eight o’clock and how he knew everybody. The people in Springfield feel about the same as they do in Hawkins, though. Maybe that’s his own lack of sonder, though.

Springfield is about an hour and a half out of Hannibal. Closer to Columbia, Missouri, than the Ross Motel without making the death wish, sleep-deprived drive all the way to actual Columbia.

Through the reflection in the window Jeff snores against, he sees you staring. Usually, he feels comfortable brushing off stares and raised brows because - c’mon - he can see himself, but now it feels different.

Maybe it’s because your eyes feel more curious than scornful. Maybe it’s because he’s noticed you at Corroded Coffin’s every stop since Indianapolis. Maybe it’s because he sees the Joan Jett cassette stuffed in the band of your flowy, flower power era skirt.

You’re like something out of a sitcom - the episode where the oldest kid finally comes back from college with a friend that the parents hate.

He briefly wonders if you’re a hippie - then he sees the comically oversized Megadeth shirt slung lazily over your shoulders. It’s bizarre, two worlds clashing, the free love and the bitterly rejected. He’s tempted to ask if you know what you’re wearing, he decides against it because even he can see how obnoxious that is.

Instead, he lets his eyes catch yours in the reflection and grins when your gaze darts away. You scratch your neck, almost bashful, as your head snaps down to where you hold the gasoline nozzle to your tank.

Eddie hates that feeling when approaching someone for the first time. That tense, stiff air and the unwavering sensation of judgmental eyes on him even when he should know he isn’t being watched. He hates the overbearingness of it all, so he pushes forward as though it isn’t there.

“Do I have something in my hair?” you jump at his voice, entirely startled, “‘Cuz, you know, I was rolling down some of the hills they have here, and it was amazing. Don’t have anything like it in Indiana.”

But you’d know that’s not entirely true. And based on the faint recognition in his eyes, you assume the man before you knows that you know.

“No, I just- “ you laugh hollowly, more unnerved than anything and Eddie hates nothing more than being the cause of distress. He waits for you to return the gas pump to order before speaking,

“I’m fucking with you, it’s fine,” Eddie’s eyes fall to your neon yellow and burnt orange license plate and he finds that he recognizes even that, “Not a lot of people out here look like me.”

“Lots of people- “ you pause, shaking your head sharply, “People could, in theory, look like you, but none of them dress like you.”

“Critical clarification. I could say the same about,” he gestures vaguely at your conflicting outfit, “what you have going on.”

“A friend’s,” you pull at the Megadeth shirt’s loose, faded material, “all respect to the band, though. I could never play on a stage.”

Eddie wants to lean against your car, it feels like he should - like it’d be more comfortable. And to be fair to him, it would be more comfortable, but you two aren’t familiar despite the fact that he’s seen you and you’ve seen him through two states now.

“I hate to assume things,” Eddie watches your hands, almost entranced as you twist a thin gold ring around your middle finger, “asses and whatnot, but you aren’t a groupie or anything, are you?”

You pause, a small, though shocked “Ah!” leaving your lips. Eddie regrets it until you laugh, the release of fear and adrenaline.

He feels sick knowing he causes that reaction. He hates the look of fear people give, though in this scenario he should be more understanding - it’s half past midnight and you’re alone and he’s got three other men in his van.

“No,” you finally deny, rolling your eyes in a theatrical way he’s definitely seen off a sitcom, “I think we’re just going the same way, friend.”

You smile thinly, tilting your head.

“Well, where’re you going,” he copies your move, “friend?”

“Where are you going?” as if you can sense the cliche ‘I asked you first’ debate on his cherry lips, you continue, “Why don’t we say it at the same time?”

Your voice has the faintest tang to it. Like you weren’t quite born in the South, but ran with someone who was long enough for it to soak through your throat. He thinks he likes it, and that’s confusing because he’s never really liked the way someone speaks before.

Nonetheless, he agrees, and in sync, you both spit the same state, “California.”

Of course.

“Plan on making it big out there?”

Your shrug, shy, shier than when you had explained the plan to your diary at home, “Something like that,” he raises his brows, a clear prod to ‘go on’, “I wanna be a big time actress. Or a billboard girl, like Angelyne.”

It feels like you should be ashamed of that answer, and on some level, you are - only when you say it to others, though. When you can be judged and looked down on for such a vapid dream, but it’s your dream and you hate feeling ashamed.

“My band has a deal there,” Eddie doesn’t feel like he judges you. His eyes don’t wander or widen nor do his lips frown or grimace, “to record our next album.”

“I see,” you lean on your Bronco’s bright body, and the way your fingers dance on the metal seem to invite him to do the same. But he doesn’t like assuming, so he only moves closer, just a little, “You staying in California?”

“No, probably going back to Hawkins,” you nod curtly, assuring, and he’s earnestly surprised that you even knew Hawkins existed (it isn’t exactly an eye-catcher on maps, you know?), “Maybe Texas. See if they’ll put me in the next Chainsaw Massacre as a celebrity death.”

“Hmm,” you feel hot under Eddie’s bambi eyes, something so separate from your typical experience with men that it’s refreshing and exhilarating at once, “Maybe,” you drawl the vowels, and Eddie’s hooked, “I’d love to see you get killed on screen one day…”

“Eddie Munson.”

“I’d love to see you get killed on screen one day, Eddie Munson.”

He nods, mindless under your voice in a way he’d be embarrassed of if he particularly cared, and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, “I’d love it more if we could get killed on screen together,” he holds the open carton out in question and you shake your head. Eddie holds up a cigarette as if in cheers, “To your acting dreams.”

You hold up an invisible drink and imagine a clink as you knock knuckles with Eddie, “And to your rock music.”

“Metal.”

“Metal music.”

“I hate to cut it short,” Eddie puts the cigarette between his lips and you detest the undeniable pull it all has on your gaze, “but I’ve gotta get the kiddies to bed.”

“I should get on, too,” you wave him off as he walks, “Hope to see you again, Munson!”

“It’d be a cruel world if you didn’t!”

Something tells you he means it as a joke, but you don’t exactly think that’s so untrue.

COLUMBIA, MISSOURI

The neon lights of Ralph’s Diner haven’t even begun reflecting off the shiny checkerboard tile when Eddie strolls inside. His hands deep in his loose-fitting, faded, stripey blue and brown pajama pants' pockets and a Dio shirt torn at the collar covering his tattoos.

Eddie’s favorite three stooges are still bumbling around the motel room, half asleep and unwilling to rise so early following the show they had last night. Their venue may have been smaller than what, well, Dio could pull - but it was still intense. Intense in the best way, though. A way that secured to them all that there was a future in their music.

Ever the frontman, Eddie was sent out to scour a table for breakfast, as if any throng of regular citizens would be in a diner with no lights on.

He spots the silhouette of one irregular citizen, though. In a corner booth, swamped in the bright red leather and illuminated by street lights that wait impatiently for the sun to rise.

6:30 is unforgiving to Missouri, judging by the sky slowly inking red. Like blood in water, it mixes, but God does it take unbearably long.

Eddie gets a better view of the irregular citizen when he’s seated at a table on the floor. Jeff hates booths, they make his skin itch and Grant isn’t complaining when he doesn’t have to deal with leather that sticks and peels.

The person by the window yawns and lets their head press to the cold glass. Plaid pink pajama pants that look freshly washed and a lime green tank top without a single hole or stain decorate their person. When they turn at a waitress’ arrival, he realizes that his irregular citizen is you.

A steaming cup of coffee is drowned in creamer and sugar and you blow gently as you stir. He watches you smile and give thanks and poke at a waffle that he assumes is less appetizing than its picture on the menu (which is confirmed when he takes a peek at the laminated piece himself).

It’s like spotting the same person over and over again at a grocery store. There’s the idea to say something - because you both know this isn’t the first time you’ve seen each other, but it feels strange to approach. You’re strangers. You barely know each other’s names.

But you wave when you see him and Eddie can spot three stumbling figures in the doorway. So he relents his position on the yellow cushioned chair and makes his way over.

“We meet again,” you gesture to the seat across from you and he’s silently thankful.

“We do,” he takes two sugars for himself and holds them in a curled fist, “Something really bugged me about the other day.”

“Oh?” you sip from your coffee and he pretends to not know that it’s way too hot for your lips, “What would that be?”

“Why’re you going to California alone?” he can feel his friends watching from their table, but he’s scared to look away, terrified at the thought that you may disappear, “Acting, but what made you want to take the plunge?”

You pause, cup of dirt water coffee frozen inches from your lips, you add more sugar while gathering your thoughts. How do you explain this? Where do you even start?

“I saw a billboard advertising this Gentlemen Prefer Blondes reshowing when I lived in Hawkins as a kid, and I was remembering that at my office gig in Indianapolis,” you gesture to him as if he wouldn’t remember seeing you at the Indianapolis Tea Room stop, “So instead of going home, I got food and drove to - you know - Champaign and started my venture.”

A book summary’s worth of events. There’s rising action and exposition that he’s missing, but that’s a severe overstep for what you two currently are. Which is strangers that keep running into each other during a grocery trip.

You left because of your parents, and that was hard.

It was hard to leave them behind because there were good times. Times where dinner was quiet and times where they wouldn’t stop asking about your day and times when your dad was shoving a clunky camera in your face to “never forget this moment!” and times where you were tucked securely into bed with kisses on both cheeks.

But ultimately, they weren’t good for you, and with nothing and nobody keeping you in Indiana - you took the terrifying path to California.

“What about you? What was your shove, Munson?”

Because you’d rather die than get into the fatty meats of how your parents drove you away.

“We’re on tour to make money,” Eddie laughs, suddenly feeling very ridiculous, “The - uh,” he laughs again, but it seems to shake, nervous. He looks away from you, “Vampire Orgy Tour. For our titular album. Vampire Orgy.”

“Vampire Orgy,” you parrot, grinning, “Interesting.”

“Yeah,” he knocks on the smooth, varnished wood of your table and stands from the booth. Red leather sticks and peels to exposed skin through holes in his striped pants, “at risk of embarrassing myself further, I’m just gonna sit down and hope you forget that when you’re more awake.”

“I won’t,” you promise, “See you around, Munson.”

Heat rushes his cheeks. He feels like there should be more resistance in his flustered state, like he shouldn’t be so easy to please. But he is, and that’s how he’s always been.

So he just waves and meanders back to his spot among Corroded Coffin. They poke and prod and you watch for all of two seconds before deciding to finally eat a waffle that’s most certainly cold by now. If it wasn’t when it came out.

Eddie has never been embarrassed about anything related to Corroded Coffin, and he’s not necessarily embarrassed now, but it’s as if someone came up to a risqué painting before it was finished. Without the whole picture, or what he imagines is a fuller picture than what he explained, you must be judging him (though the much more realistic part of him doubts that you even actually care).

You leave before he does, and he’d be lying by saying he didn’t watch your Bronco speed away from the diner.

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI

He didn’t plan on seeing you again after last night. When you both turned via automatic response to the sound of another person’s motel keyring jingling and spotted each other. It was a quick wave, smile, and “goodnight” before you two parted ways.

Eddie, of course, was treated to a crock of teasing and shoving from his dear friends before passing out cold on the stained, lumpy mattress on the left side of the room.

But the next morning, he’s awoken by knocking on the door, and through bleary - fresh morning vision, he spots you on the other end of the peephole.

You fidget on the doorstep, staring just off to the side - at the burgundy frame.

Eddie opens the door just enough for the ripped jeans and plain phthalo green shirt he couldn’t bring himself to change out of to be exposed. He squeezes his eyes shut, blinking himself out of his haze, in the face of his long-awaited Missouri sunrise, “Good to know you’re still tailing us.”

“I’m not tailing,” you roll your eyes, fingers knotting. Your lips press and that’s when he notices that they’re painted plum, “I just- “ he looks back to your eyes when you sigh, “I’m sure you’re busy but do you wanna go to Annie’s Santa Fe?” you make the tiniest gesture of peeking over his shoulder, “Just you. No offense to the others.”

Eddie ducks inside his room and if it weren’t for the fact he left the door open, you would’ve assumed he was rejecting you. Suppose that makes you the ass, though, because he comes back shoving a black leather wallet in his pocket.

He steps out and locks the door, keys jingling and cracking the serene, silent morning.

“Can you even get breakfast at Annie’s?”

You shrug, leading Eddie towards the barren, grass-patched curbside opposite a faded yellow Annie’s Santa Fe, “No idea, but it’s close.”

He’ll make it work.

You two cross the road together, mere inches away from committing and holding hands. Eddie’s knuckles brush yours and you feel something electric there, you blame it on the romcoms your mom would watch when you were a kid.

No way you'd be so foolish to think this is something other than a crazy story in five years. Right?

Eddie moves in a way akin to childish galloping, just to get in front of you and creak open the finger-printed glass door. He bows grandly as he holds it, a small "m'lady" whispering past his lips. He looks up at you through his lashes and you giggle like the leading lady in a handmaiden's forbidden romance.

God, what a crazy story it'll be in five years.

WICHITA, KANSAS

Eddie’s paying a sweet $1.10 for cigarettes at the local CO-OP, the counter he slides his two dollars across is eggshell white and freshly polished, it shines nicely with the red rim. The bell ding-dongs as automatic doors behind him slide open, he can hear them skid in the gritty slots and the sound makes his whole body tense.

Boot heels click on the slushie and cola stained tiles. He’s enticed to turn, just to eliminate the idea that perhaps a cowboy had popped in behind him.

But as he glances into the rounded corner mirror to his right, he sees you. Gogo boots and sunset-dyed sundress. You look out of time, like Marty McFly from that new(ish) movie Dustin forced him to rent. You’ve got one hand picking out a bloated, colorful plastic bag of marshmallows with the other manhandling a jug of sweet tea by its neck.

Eddie moves when the CO-OP clerk clears her throat, thick and something from a school nurse’s nightmares. He grins big and wide, waiting just off to the side as you approach.

Before you can reach into the dip of your dress’ cleavage for cash, Eddie is handing over a five-dollar bill, “Allow me, Edie Sedgwick.”

You roll your eyes, “She didn’t even wear dresses like this.”

“I don’t know another woman from the ‘60s,” he leans forward, pushing the cash just out of your reach when you try grabbing it to return to him.

The clerk, bored and ready to watch you both leave, snatches Eddie’s money as you huff in protest.

“Audrey Hepburn,” you blurt, “She was, like, the woman from the ‘60s.”

“Well, my mom liked Edie. So,” he shrugs dramatically, waltzing to the door and standing at the sensor.

He feels like he should wait, so he does, for no particular reason other than that he doesn’t want the last time he sees you to be through a gas station window. If he were honest to his core, he doesn’t know if he’s willing to see a ‘last time’ in the near future.

“Were you named after her?” you stop immediately outside the doors and you’re Carrie’d red in neon sign lights.

“What?” Eddie follows you to the farthest wheel stop, he groans embarrassingly loud as he bends to sit beside you on the CO-OP’s ledge.

“Edie. Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head and peels his carton’s plastic before plucking out a cigarette and balancing it between his lips, “Nah. Full name’s Edward,” you gag and he smacks your arm with the carton, “I’m named after my grandpa.”

“Well that explains Edward.”

“Oh,” you shake your head, prying at the puckered edge of your marshmallow bag, “I don’t smoke.”

“At all?”

“At all.”

“Hm.”

You narrow your lashes at the man and he simply ignites the cherry tip of his cigarette, “Hell’s that mean?”

“You look like a hippie.”

“Wow,” you hold out the open bag of sweets for him, “and you still talk to me? You could be the messiah, Edward.”

He sighs, big and loud before taking a marshmallow for himself, “Stop. I regret saying anything.”

You just laugh, and he doesn’t find himself particularly minding.

After a spark of silence, you speak again, “You ever wonder what it’s like to slow dance with your boyfriend? Like, late at night,” you scoot a little closer on the ledge as a chill billows through your thin dress, “I bet it’d be nice. Cozy.”

He could say a lot of things. Heartwarming to some, embarrassing to him, hard to watch for most. So he just elbows you in the ribs, “Stay away from my boyfriend.”

You guffaw, offended, and swat his arm, “Don’t tease me.”

Eddie gasps, histrionic shock, and steals yet another marshmallow, “I would never.”

DENVER, COLORADO

Eddie feels disgusting. Stiff, sticking clothes and swampy skin that mats his bangs to his forehead. It’s freshly post-show, clock ticking ever closer to the agreed time that Corroded Coffin would set out again. One of the many negatives to being a smaller band with no signed contract yet, most of the tour tribulations are set on them. The price of being a starving artist.

At least the AC in Weaver’s Gas is running as though this Colorado autumn is an Arizona summer. The lights here feel more clinical. Neons that flash and cast halos dot the outside, but interior light bulbs are white and eye-wateringly bright.

Eddie tips his head back in front of the opened fridge door to the soda selection.

Then there’s the faintest pressure on his shoulder, sticking particularly because of his tank top. Eddie jumps slightly when a voice follows,

“If you had to fight a clone of yourself, how would you defeat it?”

It’s your voice, though, and maybe he should be alarmed by how at ease you have him already.

Eddie’s eyes are still closed to the gentle cool of the soda fridge, “Go for the balls. He’d never see it coming.”

He feels the breath of your laughter on his neck and it’s sickening how much he likes it.

“You feel sweaty, by the way,” Eddie turns just in time to see you wiping your chin overdramatically.

“Just got done with a show,” he jerks his head towards the wall painted with ‘BUY 1 GET 1’ in thick black letters as if you’ll spot a venue there, “Should’ve been there.”

“Should’ve,” you snap your fingers and huff in pointed disappointment, “If only I knew…”

“Corroded Coffin.”

“Corroded Coffin- " you laugh, slapping a hand over your mouth, “Sorry! It’s not funny, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Sure,” he lets the fridge door slam shut behind him, “Sure.”

“No, really, it’s badass. Honestly.”

“‘Cuz that face says ‘badass’,” he points right at you and you swat his hand away.

“Sorry I missed it, though, looks like it would’ve been fun,” you nudge Eddie’s arm with your elbow, “Someone had to wash dishes for cash.”

“You had a job, that’s insane,” Eddie digs into his pocket and pulls out that tattered, black leather wallet that you now see has a hole in the bottom corner, “Here.”

A folded, crumpled dollar prods your arm and you don’t get the chance to refuse it before he sticks it into your front pocket with a bright, awkward grin.

“I don’t need your money,” he refuses the bill when you attempt to return it.

“Just take it, maybe I’ll let you buy me dinner next time we see each other.”

“You better, actually. I don’t wanna hold onto this for long.”

“Then take me somewhere nice!” he’s already walking out of the store as he calls back to you.

You nod, holding up your hands in the shape of a heart as the sliding automatic doors begin squealing shut with Eddie on the other side.

DURANGO, COLORADO

The Dillon Motel is sand beige with blue jay door frames. Eddie is bone tired, hands clung to the steering wheel as Gareth snores against the passenger window, Grant and Jeff equally as loud in the back seats. The clock reads a quarter past eight in the morning and Eddie, honest to his very core, cannot help the full-body groan that slips through him.

But when he looks up at the collection of doors, he sees you. That Megadeth shirt from Springfield is hanging off you again, a highlighter-vomit green pair of pajama shorts underneath and he sees you walking towards a vending machine with a cash-balled fist.

You’re quick on your way towards a cola-stocked paradise, slowing when you pass a boy, not older than ten, sitting behind the cardboard counter of a lemonade stand. Crayon and marker litter the surface of his small business, but the sloppiness doesn’t deter you even slightly. Instead, you wave and he can see the way your lips move to say ‘hi’.

You pause when the little boy mimes throwing a rope around you, pulling you towards the stand. You play along and he watches you spend the bills loose in your hand on lemonade.

It softens as much as it terrifies him because now he realizes that he doesn’t want California to be the last stop he sees you at. Not at all.

RICHFIELD, UTAH

Eddie has to be in Beaver by tonight and it's currently eleven in the morning. Should be manageable, but it most certainly won’t stop him or his friends from complaining. Tour is hell when you’re not on stage.

Tour is especially hell when he doesn’t get those precious passes with you. Mere minutes usually wasted, but that’s more than enough.

A distant bell sings and a door shuts clambers and Eddie’s looking up as he puts gas into his dear van. You’re walking to that cherry red ‘77 Bronco with a jug of sweet tea, wrangled by its plastic neck, when he calls to you.

He’s a little too tired to make the walk over, and you seem to be the same.

Pausing at your door, half in and half on the ledge, you wave before dropping your tea onto the passenger seat. You make the shape of a heart with your hands and Eddie returns half of it, other hand occupied with filling his gas tank.

He can hear you giggle. It hurts to watch you get in the car without hearing your actual voice. He doesn’t try to think about why it hurts, though, that would be too real.

When he hates to imagine that the last way he’ll see is possibly not even you. It’s through the tinted back window of your ‘77 Ford Bronco.

RENO, NEVADA

For years, Wayne has been talking about going to Las Vegas, so Eddie took careful - and persistent - effort for the Nevada stop on their classy Vampire Orgy tour to not be in Vegas. No matter how much Gareth bitched about it.

And no matter how much Eddie himself sort of wishes he was in a Las Vegas bar rather than Reno, he still insisted. Not that Reno isn’t lovely, there’s just a lot of talk about Las Vegas that he wants to put to his personal test.

But you’re in Reno, so it’s all worth it.

“You missed another big deal, babe, I’m telling you.”

God, he hates how he talks sometimes.

“Aw,” you pout, though it seems entirely genuine, “I’m sorry. I was totally free today, too, I didn’t know you were playing.”

“Hey, no worries,” he leans back against the burnt sienna countertop, “Maybe next time, yeah?”

“Hopefully,” you add.

Eddie finally gestures to the crown of daisies strung around your head, “And I see you’re having trouble with your hippie allegations.”

You shake your head but relent, putting up a peace sign, “A couple girls that reeked of weed gave it to me.”

“And you just took it?”

“Yep.”

He tuts, twisting his lips into something akin to cynicism, “You seem nice, but I think you’re susceptible to falling into a cult.”

“Hm,” you lean a little closer when a man who stumbles with his steps comes a touch too close, “Yeah. I should find someone strong-minded and leader-like that I can rely on to take care of me.”

“We can do it together,” Eddie has to press his lips to smother the smile that crawls over him, “No, seriously, though. You’re pretty metal for traveling the country by yourself. Like a little Osbourne.”

You tilt your head, adjust the ring of daisies on your head, and shrug, “No clue what you’re talking about.”

“Osbourne? As in Ozzy Osbourne as in Black Sabbath.”

“Yeah, I know the band, but what about it?”

“He bit a bat’s head off!” Eddie’s eyes get wide and he looks seconds away from full chortle when you gasp.

“On stage?!” you lean forward, unadulterated shock and awe.

“Yeah!” you almost hate the way that you love his bambi eyes, nearly sickened by how much you wish California wasn’t his last post, “January 20th, 1982, princess. He bit the head off of a bat on stage.”

“Oh my God, and that’s who you think of me as?” you cross your arms, appearing offended.

“You’re both very cool, yes,” he just laughs at your apparent disturbance, “You two are not exactly alike, is that better?”

You pause for a moment, genuinely considering, “Yeah. I just don’t wanna bite bats’ heads.”

“You don’t have to, sweets, I’m just saying it’s badass.”

“I’m badass?” you glance down at yourself, then back to him, “Really?”

“Fuck yeah,” Eddie wishes this night could drag on. He wishes he didn’t have to go, “Maybe more badass than Ozzy Osbourne.”

You squint at him, then shake your head, and in sync, you both speak as Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance with Somebody fades out overhead,

“As if.”

FRESNO, CALIFORNIA

The stars are less visible above California neons and street lamps than they are in Indiana, that bugs both of you to some extent but you knew what you were walking into coming to the Eureka state. Eddie doesn’t seem to fit into the jorts and scrunchies and leg warmers of California Average Joe-ness, but he almost appears to thrive on that.

The stars are even less visible inside Rae’s Kitchen.

Gareth, Jeff, and Grant have long left. Since Eddie first sat down with you almost thirty minutes ago, in fact.

You’re finally treating him to dinner with that twenty. Still crumpled but now there’s a brand new tear at the corner that you had to tape together by a dim, flickering lantern in a motel room.

You like Eddie. A lot. He’s different from anybody else, and you don’t say that in the way you heard people say in those romcoms from your deepest childhood memories. From Indiana to California, Hawkins to Indianapolis to Fresno, there is nobody like Eddie.

And that scares you. The idea that when you two part, you will never get this sort of experience - this sort of heart-thrumming time - again.

“Our last stop,” he pauses to sip from his milkshake, overly sweet and only slightly nauseating, “is in San Diego. Then we’re signing.”

“San Diego,” you chew through your food, a slow nod, “I’m meeting a friend there for housing while I audition.”

“You already have a role lined up?” he raises his brows, eager and so excitably different from all your family and friends when you spoke about this, “Wow, sweets, that’s pretty big.”

“It’s just a commercial,” you wave off his cartoonish hope for you, “Not even a guarantee, I’m only up because my friend works with the director a lot.”

“Still,” he pops a fry into his mouth, gesturing with his hands as if you’ll see the rest of his thoughts in the air, “Mark Hamill and John Travolta. Commercials. That kid Drew Barrymore - also started with commercials before E.T.”

“That ‘kid’ was also born to famous parents. And I don’t even know who those other two are,” at his haughty glare you drop the fib, “I don’t know them well.”

“But you can’t deny they got huge parts. So, don’t downplay your commercial.”

“If I even get it.”

“You’ll get it,” it stuns you how confidently he speaks, “They’d be a fool to not take you.”

Otherwise, he may be the fool for becoming so captivated so soon.

But then it comes to that hatred again, that hatred of the soon coming fact that he won’t see you as often. If ever.

But he doesn’t want to hold you back. You two aren’t even together, for God’s sake.

“Good luck on your endeavors, princess,” he lifts his milkshake while digging a carton of cigarettes from Kansas from his pocket and flipping it open.

You clink your glass to his with a “good luck on your endeavors, Munson” but wrinkle your nose when he offers you a cigarette, “You’re gonna make the booth stink,” he raises a brow, preparing to put away the carton entirely, “Well.”

He pauses.

“I’ll give it a try.”

“Wow, you cross seven states and already go to the dark side? You think you know a person.”

“Shush, I said try, I’m not buying them every day.”

Eddie lights the cigarette and takes a drag before passing it to you. He puts care into angle his face away from yours before he exhales.

You inhale, shaky, and cough when the fumes hit your lungs. You bang on your chest, holding out the cigarette by its butt like the very thing is about to explode if it’s near.

He really hates the idea of never seeing you again. So he doesn’t think about it as he takes the cigarette and talks you through your coughing fit.

[FUCK TUMBLRDOTCOM PICTURE LIMITS]

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA

It's dark, crimson overheads are the only way he can see slivers of the crowd, but in that darkness - through those bloody splices - is a surprise. Hands in the shape of a heart.

Something thick and sweet like frosting curls inside him. Or like the gentle purr of his beloved stray cats at the trailer park.

He imagines this is how rockstars feel - the ones with their name in lights and crowded by people outside the venues and asked to sign arms and stomachs and chests and foreheads - this must be the type of scorching heart and hot blood they have. This entire experience of actually touring has been amazing, even the late nights and sick days, but this must be the best night of it all.

Because the hands move and your face comes into a slight of apple hue and you’re smiling up at him so sweetly. You don’t know any of the lyrics, but you look like you’re having fun.

After the show, you wind up backstage with Eddie.

You’re following Eddie’s hands along his guitar, he guides you faithfully - your back to his chest - and he’s desperate to prolong this night for as long as you’ll let him. He just doesn’t want to think about what follows this. The restless nights and horrific worries about what could have been and how you’re the one that got away. He almost feels pathetic.

“I should get going soon.”

Oh, God.

“Early morning?”

“I still have to move my things into my friend’s spare room,” you step away and he lays his guitar down gently, “Didn’t get the chance before I had to come see you.”

He thinks he likes you because of how transparent you’ve been. How considerate. That’s what draws him to people, but your willingness to let him be around and even initiate your meetings must’ve been what hooked him. He’s unused to that attention and care, and now he - as soon and embarrassing as it may be - can’t imagine receiving such attention and care from anyone else.

Now, he most certainly feels pathetic.

“You need a ride?”

“I drove here.”

It’s quiet. Tense. Neither of you wants the other to go.

Eddie crosses his arms, gnawing his bottom lip nervously, “Are you staying up here? In San Diego?”

“Yeah,” you hug one arm to your side, scratching your forearm in what he guesses is a ploy to keep your hand busy, “Are you?”

“No.”

You press your lips, eyes straying to your shoes. You hate the idea. You don’t want to keep him back, though. It’s complicated with his band involved. You two aren’t even together, you can’t ask him to stay.

Together, at once, you both say, “Okay.”

You both force out a laugh. Something quick and painful.

There’s so much more you both want to say, but it feels pointless. And you feel foolish for wanting him to say something. You feel foolish for wanting him to ask you to stay with him.

But Eddie is used to feeling foolish.

“Is there…” he shakes his head, not looking at you - his words are shaky and uncertain, “any way you would leave California? For a little.”

“Maybe,” you lean so that Eddie’s forced to lock eyes with you, you smile, “if I had a famous rockstar that I could play off of. Be the playboy girlfriend that girls look at in magazines and call pretty,” he matches your grin and you nudge his mud-caked sneaker with your shoe to tease, “Maybe.”

He most certainly feels like you’re talking about him, but he hates to assume. Asses and whatnot.

You roll your eyes, “You know. Like you.”

Eddie makes a show of his relieved sigh, placing a hand over his heart and tossing his head back, “I didn’t wanna assume. So, would you- “ his eyes flip away for a moment, “would you go back to Hawkins?”

“I would. As long as you can make it fun.”

“I’m not known around there for being a bore.”

“Good,” you reach out and take one of his hands, squeezing, “I’d stay in Hawkins for a little while. As long as you promise to take me to California, too.”

“Of course,” he almost looks offended, “How could I not? You’re gonna be a big deal here, baby.”

For someone who claims to hate assumptions, he sure is comfortable with pet names.

Not that you’re complaining.

“I’ll take you to your audition tomorrow,” his eyes linger on your lips, then your eyes, “If you’ll let me.”

“I’d love you to.”

[makeste]

BnHA 326: What’s up Kids, It’s Me, Your Old Pal Stain

Previously on BnHA: Ochako shamed the U.A. Clown Mob into letting Deku go back inside his own fucking school by giving them an hour-long speech about how not to be humongous dickheads. Kouta and Gigantic Fox Lady saved the manga by being the only ones brave enough to give Deku a hug. Shouto was all “man, all this togetherness sure does remind me of that promise you made that we would handle Touya together which you immediately bailed on, doesn’t it, Dad.” Aizawa was all, “for the one and a half people out there who thought that my losing an eye and a leg might actually make me less sexy, I’m very happy to prove you wrong.” All Might was all, “[standing outside the U.A. fortress alone in the rain talking to someone or something??].” Like seriously, what was up with that though.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “here I am in Kamino having a belated mid-life crisis because Deku abandoned me and I’m a terrible mentor and everything sucks and I hate myself.” Stain is all, “don’t make me come over there and give you a ten page speech about why you’re still the goat while menacingly holding you at swordpoint the entire time” because idk if you knew this guys, but Stain is pretty crazy actually. Anyway so he does that, and then All Might gets all emotional, and then the lady from chapter 92 shows up and gives All Might’s statue an encouraging pep talk, and then Horikoshi is all “and it even stopped raining lol can you believe this shit I’m not even a little bit subtle,” and he really isn’t. But I still got emotional anyway, because seeing people reassure All Might that everything he’s struggled for his entire life hasn’t been in vain just got to me okay. Horikoshi knows I am weak to the All Might feels and he just goes for the jugular every time, that bastard.

lmao. “in the neverending downpour, All Might is...” yeah, thank you, glad we’re getting right to that then

“All Might is driving 95 mph in his busted ass car in the pouring rain, is what he’s doing.” huh

so basically a day or two after his adopted child refused to accept the handmade bento that he packed with love, my man is out here acting like he’s got nothing to live for anymore. this sure bodes well for certain prophecies on which the clock is still ominously ticking down

his fucking face though omg. is it weird that I’m kind of hoping more people ambush him just because I think it’d be funny to see them get their asses kicked like the last bunch

(ETA: or maybe he will just stand there openly not giving a fuck and basically daring them to stab him!! get it together please All Might.)

side note, “anti-hero supporters” is such a strange way of saying “people who hate heroes”, which I’m assuming is what they actually wanted to say?? this makes it sound like it’s a group that really loves antiheroes. “these Hannibal stans have been a real menace lately. time to go deal with them”

ha ha ha, fucking ouch

are you really gonna do it Horikoshi you bastard. are you really going to let that be the final encounter between the two characters whose relationship you once described as the vertical axis of the entire fucking story. are you really gonna?? huh??

huh

you’re telling me you were driving 112 mph and you still didn’t get there in time. you’re losing your touch old man. lol Todo’s ice is almost fully melted already, how late were you

(ETA: so apparently this is taking place after the end of chapter 325, meaning he went to U.A., hung out for a bit, saw the kids come back with his bedraggled half-dead protégé in tow, watched as they shamed the civilians into some long-overdue character development, and then was all “welp, time to go argue with the hero-hating faction or something because I’m feeling useless.” and Edge just let him go, just like that. though to be fair I have to imagine it’s pretty hard to say no to All Fucking Might.)

also belated lol at the fact that the kids were all “yeahhhhhhh we are definitely not gonna touch that thing, let’s just leave it here, he doesn’t need it anyway.” probably the right call to make since they couldn’t get a hazmat team on such short notice

fuck. ha ha ha fucking ouch part two

All Might please put that thing down before you get gangrene. also yeah, you dropped the ball, good for you to acknowledge it. nobody’s perfect and you did your best. but yeah you could have handled a lot of things completely differently. but I still love you

is Horikoshi really putting this flashback here. are you serious. what kind of fucking sadist

look, I swear I’m not one of those people that runs up and down the street shouting “DEATH FLAG!!” at every third panel lol. but this shit screamed Death Flag when we originally got it, and it’s screaming DEATH FLAG!!! even more now. like with the capital letters and exclamation marks and all. and that’s just a fact. I don’t like it but that’s how it is

ffkdjslk

“DID YOU READ THE SIGN??!” Horikoshi asks while zooming in maniacally because he thinks we’re blind or something. lol what

-- though actually, it only just occurred to me that this sign is actually written in English. I never really paid attention up until now and had been assuming it was written in Japanese and translated by the scanlators, but the writing here is clearly part of the original image. anyway so maybe that’s why he’s zooming in?? just to make sure everybody pays attention lol

okay fuck this

see, this is the whole problem right here. once again All Might is all on his own. Deku’s self-destructive angst spiral was fortunately brought to a grinding halt because he actually has support from his friends and family and teachers and classmates. but All Might never had that same kind of support, and it’s made all the difference between the two of them, and not in a good way. Katsuki wasn’t wrong when he said All Might and Deku were both cut from the same cloth. but now when it’s All Might’s turn to go all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD~~” once again, there’s nobody in sight

just, after forty plus years of him carrying this torch, I just wish someone would finally come along to let him know he doesn’t have to. all those things that he wanted to say to Deku are also things that he needs and deserves to hear himself. Aizawa was making a little progress there, but now he’s got his sad zombie cloud boyfriend situation to deal with, and we can’t expect him and his perfect hair to solve all our problems. someone else has gotta step up

oh my god

“you rang?” never mind I take it all back sob

omg why am I laughing. shit

this man truly has the best PR game in the series. we were truly convinced he was gonna suddenly become a good guy and defend All Might against the other villains or some nonsense. as if this wasn’t the same man who decided on a whim that Iida Tensei deserved to be paralyzed, and that his fifteen-year-old brother deserved to die for daring to be upset about it

lol even All Might is all “I genuinely never saw this coming” lmao

just want to say, for the record, I have always harbored a very sensible hatred toward Stain. feeling very vindicated right now. good job Past Me

adsfklwkfsdwgkj

ffffwefjslkg. ghsdlkg. dsfkkkslkjldwkjrg

STAIN: heard you talking shit old man

ME: smh that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking Stain

STAIN: how dare you talk about All Might that way

ME: gljfljgk

(ETA: in hindsight I have no idea how I didn’t clue in sooner that he didn’t recognize him -- or, well, ~didn’t recognize~ him, to be more accurate lol. I think it was the whole “is that a slight against the heroes?” thing that threw me. Viz’s translation makes it much clearer that he’s offended on behalf of All Might specifically, not heroes in general. anyways.)

sob. so All Might is all “yeah I don’t blame you for not recognizing me in this sweet leather jacket”

good thing he still knows how to do this party trick

A+ reflexes on Stain’s part presumably pulling the sword back a few inches to keep this dumbass from impaling himself with his whole pufferfish routine. can you imagine if that was the gruesome death Nighteye foresaw. and he was just too embarrassed to say anything

lol anyways guess I was wrong about Stain everyone

way to fucking go, Past Me. you really biffed this one

oh wait

Stain sure is one wacky rollercoaster ride

oh fuck me lol I forgot how much I did not miss this

(ETA: “this here is the sacred ground where All Might gave up the last of his power and turned into a shriveled old man!! please ignore the part where I admit to knowing all about that, and yet pretend not to recognize said man when he’s standing two feet in front of me.”)

Past Me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs these past ninety seconds, but I’m really starting to think you were on to something. this dude has always been kind of insufferable. always acting like his high horse is a fucking giraffe when it’s actually a Shetland pony

dammit now he’s got All Might going off on a depressed monologue

oh my god my heart

shit

why the fuck does that hit so hard. he became a hero because he couldn’t bear to just sit back and let bad things happen to people who didn’t deserve it. I mean that’s basically the same as every hero ever, right? so why does it still hit so fucking hard every single time though. what is it about seeing someone so determined to stand up for other people and fight on their behalf. it just never loses its impact no matter how many times I see that determination mirrored in so many of my favorite characters

“I wanted to make the world a better place.” omg. but you did, though. like seriously, I feel like people are always dogging on him for not being 100% perfect, and fandom really doesn’t give him enough credit for everything he still managed to accomplish. this man came of age at a time when Japan was by all accounts a total shitshow, and singlehandedly managed to bring about an era of peace that lasted for four fucking decades. can you imagine having peace for that long?? that’s longer than I’ve been alive. shit

and he gave people hope. he inspired them and protected them and made them feel safe. and no, he couldn’t save everyone, because he’s only one fucking dude (and also because the whole time AFO was also out there desperately working to undermine him so that he could keep preaching his narrative of “heroes are bad actually”). but you know what he did do, is inspire multiple new generations of heroes who, if they can all manage to work together, will finally be able to accomplish everything he never could

so yeah. forty years of peace, and inspired the “that’s how we all became the greatest heroes” generation -- that’s a fucking win in my book. talk about having a net positive impact on the world. lol anyways now I’m all fired up and ready to fight anyone who tries to talk any shit about you, All Might

“but what if I talk shit about myself” okay listen up All Might I’m gonna need you to try just a little bit harder to work with me here okay. please calm down and stop blaming yourself for every single bad thing that’s ever happened in the world. do you remember that time Bakugou was blaming himself for Kamino, and you gave him a hug and told him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was only a boy, and that even though he was strong, even strong people can struggle with the burdens they place on themselves, and that you were sorry for not seeing that earlier? do you remember all of that? that’s what I want someone to tell you too, dammit. anyway please stop breaking my heart please and thanks

wtf

are you dead All Might

um

I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening lol

oh snap did he grab him so they could hide??

hold the fucking phone. don’t tell me this person in the background with the umbrella is here to actually do something decent??

oh my godddd

and here come the feels. oh boy. okay don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here sobbing over this fictional lady and her simple act of kindness in this weekly shounen manga that I care about way too much

FUCKING DAMMIT AND HERE’S A SECOND HELPING

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST GETTING DISPROPORTIONATELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS WOMAN’S DETERMINATION TO HONOR A MAN WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER AND COUNTLESS OTHERS. I’M JUST HAVING SOME FEELS OVER HERE ABOUT HER HEARTFELT, DOESN’T-EVEN-KNOW-ANYONE-ELSE-IS-WATCHING FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE THAT COMPELLED HER TO COME OUT HERE AND MAKE THIS SMALL BUT POWERFUL GESTURE. I’M JUST OUT HERE GETTING ALL PROFOUNDLY WORKED UP ABOUT STATUE MAINTENANCE AND THE HUMAN RACE. NEVER MIND. JUST IGNORE ME AND CARRY ON

holy shit. I was not even remotely prepared. you can’t just do that to me. you can’t just leave all these death flags on my lawn and then suddenly shift gears to show me the best of humanity in a chapter where I was expecting the worst. that fucks a person up lol

OH ARE WE STILL GOING

my heart. you see that, All Might. your legacy is so much more powerful and meaningful than you think

...has. has Stain actually been giving All Might a pep talk this entire time

I give up lol. this dude is a fucking enigma

YAYYY

it may just be a metaphor panel, but I’ll take it lol. I missed them. nice to see the traffic light trio front and off-center. I know the whole “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes” thing had left some questioning whether certain characters would continue to play a central role in the narrative, and hopefully this will help to ease those concerns just a bit

anyway, so idk if it’s getting a bit chilly down there in hell, but damned if Stain didn’t just give an actual decent fucking speech

I have to say, earlier when I was whining about All Might not having a support squad, I really was not expecting Stain to be the one to come over and pat his head and reassure him that he made the world a better place

-- okay LISTEN

YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND HIT ME WITH THOSE ALL MIGHT TEARS AGAIN GODDAMMIT THIS ISN’T FAIR. my god. first 317 and now this

holy fucking shit

“I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t been stalking him for two days and didn’t see the entire Deku bentogate thing go down, and then I’ll give him the whole big speech that I rehearsed, and then I’ll turn around and be all ‘BUT IF YOU’RE A TRUE HERO’, and then I’ll toss him the super-secret AFO wifi password that I stole from Tartarus. god I’m such a badass. fucking give myself chills”

so basically what you’re telling me is that this whole time my “what’s up kids” characterization of Stain from this shitpost has actually been 100% accurate. just want to make sure I’m understanding this right. okay then

“and then I’ll dramatically spin around and be all NOW COME KILL ME BITCH”

it must be so much fun to write Stain. drawing this coked-out maniac who talks like a chatbot that was trained to speak by reading Alan Moore monologues. that must be a trip

anyway so All Might is still crying, the awesome lady from chapter 92 is admiring her handiwork totally oblivious to the batshit insanity going on fifty meters to her right, and it’s finally stopped raining lol

“THE RAIN WAS A METAPHOR YOU SEE” yes, yes, we got it lol. thanks for that Horikoshi. don’t think we needed any help putting the pieces together on that one but I appreciate the effort

so that’s the end! and as I mentioned in another post, I had the count off by one chapter, but next week should be cliffhanger week! so break out your U.A. Traitor bingo cards, friends and fiends. either that or something else happens that I’m completely not expecting at all. which, based on my success rate with Stain predictions, I’d say is more than likely lol

mmm but anyway, so now that the Hug Deku 2021 campaign has finally come to an end, what’s it gonna take to get a hug for my struggling bento-preparing jacket-rocking world-weary death-flag-waving husband who is the worthiest man to ever live and deserves the fucking world, goddammit

[ofmermaidstories]

ooh...what books would you recommend then? i'm really curious what your taste is like

i should preface this with disclosing that i actually enjoyed Lapvona LMFAO. like, after i posted about it on here, i sat down and finished the whole thing in one go. 🫖 i gave it a 3.5 ⭐️ on literal!!!

actually, enjoyed isn’t the right word, but it is the simplest—i just didn’t hate it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i didn’t hate it, and at times i thought i could see what ottessa was trying to do, but it’s just—it’s grotesque. like, every now and then i thought we were getting to the heart of some allegory for our modern day society (people suffering under the whims of the 1% who could literally make everyone’s life easier if they wanted to, but they don’t, bc they only care about themselves), but then Ottessa would emphasise that with the main character (who’s like, 13? 14?) having to rub grapes on his butthole (i am absolutely taming this down btw) and feed them to the servant girl (also 14), so. 🥹 it’s—yeah. 🥹 that is literally probably one of the mildest things about this book that i can mention and in the text it’s a humiliating, awful thing, but it’s still there. and throughout the whole book, the (very many) awful things are like that: there in vivid detail. and that’s why i say i would never recommend it—because it’s very much a story that people need to go into with their eyes wide-open for!!! i like ottessa’s writing, and it’s because of that and little quotes throughout the book that i can say “i liked this”—but i can’t guarantee that for anyone else, and i refuse to be responsible for someone’s choice to read it LOL.

there’s a quote I can’t stop thinking of from an interview that Ottessa gave her now-husband, Luke Goebel, which sort of perfectly encapsulates Ottessa’s writing in general—and is good foreshadowing for how that comes to a head in Lapvona.

People ask me why I find that stuff so interesting. Well, it is interesting. Disgust is an interesting response. It’s funny.

— Ottessa Moshfegh, Vanity is the Enemy: an interview with Ottessa Moshfegh, 2017

i could absolutely see Pandemic-Era Ottessa trapped at home writing Lapvona bc she finds it funny. 😭 like the immature Lord in the book, who finds it funny to watch a servant girl be fed butthole grapes. 😭 if i had to describe the book, it’s like… it’s like you’ve been invited to a dinner party, and you walk in, and someone is playing some self-proclaimed snuff film on one projector and Monty Python and the Holy Grail on another, overlapping, while they tell The Aristocrats to a room full of other guests who have nothing but rotting roast meat on their plates. that’s what the book is like.

— Lapvona, page 22 (ebook version)

i can’t believe i talked so long about a book i literally said i would never recommend. 😭 i just have a lot of feelings about it leave me alone reeeeee. but ok let’s talk about books i’m currently reading that i would recommend, tho:

i’ve just started The Dragon Republic by R.F. Kuang! The Poppy War series has been fun!! i saw people make a lot of fuss about the violence in TPW but Rebecca’s writing style is quite… detached/she tells not shows through the entire book, so i do think that kind of deadens the horror (or it did for me, LOL, but considering what i just said about the bullshit in Lapvona, maybe don’t trust me). i liked it enough to finish the first book though and then go out and buy the next two, so i’d recommend it to anyone who likes war-time fantasies!!! bc war is a big aspect of the books so far, and tbh i presume the trilogy as a whole.

my copy of The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi came today—i have literally wanted to read it for YEARS. it’d probably be a good read for anyone that likes investigative true crime. thomas harris apparently took inspo for hannibal from the Monster! which is actually how i learnt about this book—through the hannibal tv fandom lmfao. specifically the quote that actually put this book on my to-read-list has nothing to do with the murders its about, but is instead this:

Florentines are a famously closed people, considered by other Italians to be stiff, haughty, class-conscious, excessively formal, backward-looking, and fossilized by tradition[...] Deep inside, Florentines know they are more civilized than other Italians. They gave the world all that is fine and beautiful and they have done enough. Now they can shut their doors and turn inward, answerable to nobody.

Answerable to nobody…. urk. i lose my shit over the idea of enclosed societies. especially snobby-ass ones. imagine trying to break into society like that…. incredible, LOL. i’ll report back on if our intrepid american writer manages to do so (spoilers: he don’t, LOL).

okay okay what else. i’ve also got my grubby little mitts on a copy of The Book of Goose by Yiyun Li. it’s quite lovely so far! it’s about two french girls, best friends, and kind of how they seperate. in the same vein (female friendship throughout a lifetime) i’ve also recently gotten a copy of My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante, so I’m excited to rip into that.

recently i finished Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto—that was lovely. 🥺 I’ve been wanting to read it for a year or so, now, and it was so so worth it! I cried several times lmfao (but that might also be bc it and the short story with it hit a very specific set of emotional triggers for me LOL). now that we’re talking Japanese authors—earlier this year I read Strange Weather in Tokyo by Hiromi Kawakami and that was a lovely little book, too. i also want to read my copy of Lonely Castle in the Mirror by Mizuki Tsujimura before the year ends!!!

on the autobiographical scale, i literally have a copy of Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died next to my bed (i have a tower of books next to my bed actually sdlkfjsdlkfj i need to get some bookshelves 😭). i absolutely bought into the hype with it but i think it was worth it. 🥺 not an easy book, though!

this post probably makes me sound more of a reader than i actually am lmfao. im not. most of my reading is fanfiction (derogatory). 🥹

[saint-starflicker]

I don't know where to stream these because I watched most of them on DVD.

Top End Wedding (2019) recommending because I heard a rumor that you are Australian, although this is more road trip romantic comedy so I'm not sure it's the genre you're into

Tekkonkinkreet (2006) sleek experimental animation, fight scenes, mobsters, I remember it being gory and intense

Persepolis (2007) animated autobiography of Marjane Satrapi, a survivor of the Iranian cultural revolution

Labyrinth (2012) if you liked The Green Knight, this one has Arthurian legends and time-travelling, a bit campy but I kinda had a crush on Jessica Brown Findlay

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) if you liked Bare — at the time that I watched this movie, the only other film about trans people that I'd seen was Boys Don't Cry which was about extremely violent transphobia, so I liked how this movie was more about how hey trans people can do other stuff too you know; and "The Origin of Love" as well as the Tommy Gnosis version of "Wicked Little Town" were two of the most beautiful songs I had ever heard and I think have a somewhat similar atmospheric emotive pop rock style as Bare so it was a very Y2K-era sound but not (oddly enough) what I was hearing in the early 2000s (...EDM was inescapable, and I hated it.)

Mirrormask (2005) I did not like the CGI or some of the costumes but I did like the overall aesthetic and story

What Dreams May Come (1998) lovely imagery, very Dante's Divine Comedy

Far and Away (1992) epic romance adventure with nice scenery

The Moth Diaries (2011) if you liked Dead Poets Society this one has somewhat stilted dialogue but the cinematography and everything was very Dark Academia Gothic

Let The Right One In (2008) if you like Hannibal—I'm guessing, I have not watched Hannibal so I'm not really thinking of the show itself and wondering "what movies have the same vibes, that I can recommend?"—but this is the best vampire movie that I have ever watched

wait!!! does anyone have movie recs I have been so bored. I'd prefer older films but anything is fine so long as it's good ^_^

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

chin fucking up, amigo.

Titans 3.02

... eh?

SPOILERS ahead.

1. you know that music video for billie jean where michael jackson would dance along the pavement and the tiles would light up under his feet in different colours? yeah? me too.

titans hasn’t met a table top or a support arch that it doesn’t want to light up in a headache-inducing blue like the world’s most boring nightlight. i mean, i’m not an expert on lighting or cinematography or just... colour by any means, and the quality of the video i’m watching is poor given that i can’t access hbo max, but all the orange and teal and neon is making it very difficult to really differentiate between say, the batcave and the gotham police department and hell, the titans tower. i feel like there’s oftentimes a gap between idea and execution with titans, with gotham being this almost otherwordly hellscape with an aesthetic pulled from a gothic horror novel, but the colours and design just... leave it flat and dark and dull.

1.5. like what really frustrates me is that titans has a delightful mix of tones--the fights often remind me of schumacher-era batman camp, with the contrived quips and the start-stop rhythm and krypto just sallying in and ending the fight with a fucking SuperBark (tm) but in the same episode you have red hood just casually pulling out severed heads out of a duffle bag and desperate people blackmailed into killing themselves out of drug overdoses. I MEAN. it’s wonderful! but it looks all the same. it sounds Absolutely Bonkers on paper but on screen both Quip and Murder happen in the same washed-out blue and i wanted to be excited about the batcave, dammit!

2. things re: red hood have happened at such a breakneck speed that it feels like there’s so much that’s happened off-screen that we’re not privy to. a real proper mystery! 

things that are intriguing about the red hood arc so far:

a) what was that chemical he huffed just before going to fight the joker? is it a regular old performance/adrenaline booster or is it something more lazarus-juice adjacent? if it’s the latter, i can’t imagine he got that much information from a lone chemistry textbook. and where is he getting the resources to set up his little chemistry lab? is somebody else orchestrating things behind the scenes?

b) the red hood persona, costume and mask, plus the elaborate plan he’s putting in place to both string along gotham’s rogues and enact his revenge against the titans seems too... fully-formed and elaborate to have been concocted in just a few days. how long do you think jason’s been planning this? just... stewing in resentment and building rage, dismissed and passed around and underestimated and realising that the power he thought he would get by being robin is no power, no protection at all, but something that’s left him even more vulnerable than before? 

c) do we think that the scarecrow is at least partly behind this transformation? because yes, it was batman that set up this whole hannibal lecter-esque situation with him, and he would be irresponsible enough to have jason-as-robin go talk to him regularly regarding “~profiling~” criminals. it’s not too far of a leap to assume that scarecrow could’ve been manipulating jason at a very vulnerable time, and that he could’ve passed along some of his chemistry know-how, too.

d) ... or fuck, i wouldn’t put it past titans to introduce ra’s al ghul in a fucking ten second aside

e) anyway, the thing that won’t leave me alone is jason seeking out the joker not necessarily to fight him, but to orchestrate his own death. the whole thing has to have been part of a bigger plan. he broke batman with it, after all. and he’s starting to break the titans, too.

f) i love it! i mean, it does re-tread some of the storybeats we had with deathstroke last season (turning the titans against each other as revenge, etc) but it’s... tighter, this time, and at least for now seems better-executed. and as a red hood story it’s different enough to be really interesting, and i appreciate the ways in which its reframed the revenge story to focus on the titans rather than just the batman. like fuck everything up, i say! turn it on its head! slash the innards out of that sacred cow and strew it like garlands in the path of the Story You Want To Tell!

(and yes i am fully aware that by the time i post this review, there will be a whole lot more information out but if i come across like a fool then goddammit i will be a fool!)

2. i love how every season of titans starts off with, ‘oh dick, you thought you were settling into a role and a life and a pattern of relationships? well fuck you, here’s a terrible and traumatic thing, tons more responsibility, and circumstances that will lead you to uproot your entire life and move somewhere else.’ and dick’s just like, ‘well, ok. fuck you, but all right’.

can you imagine? the man was just settling into leading a team in sf and smiling for the first time in years, and now he has to deal with jason’s death, bruce experiencing a full fledged breakdown, coming back to a city that represents more bad memories than good, red hood, and a frightening new case that seems to be targeting him and his team. it’s a testament to dick’s growth that he’s not reacting to this stress like he did last year, shutting everybody out, making irrational decisions and experiencing sharp, short bursts of anger. (not to mention a full fledged psychotic episode.)

2.5. but i’ve also talked about dick performing a fair amount of unwarranted emotional labour for his team(s) in that he just lets them take out their frustrations on him and... does nothing. be it his team exploding at him for jericho (both in flashback and present-day) or donna and hank needling him for handling deathstroke poorly or barbara berating him for not handling the bank situation as well as she thought batman would though just the previous episode she had talked about how fucked up it was that bruce just expected dick to step up and replace him in gotham without any real notice. i mean it’s all perfectly understandable and sympathetic from their end--and i’m not trying to bash them here!--but hank, my man, the same chin you’re asking your amigo to keep up is the one that you punched last year and never apologised for. just sayin’.

2.75. @superohclair did a wonderful breakdown of what the ‘fear’ contract could imply here and there’s not too much i could add to that. it’s just really interesting that fear ended up being such a defining feature of their lives, albeit it’s the fear of seeming less than invincible in the face of bigger, more tangible fears. am i making sense?  dick feared loss, and abandonment, and the more existential concept of turning into something that he didn’t want to. bruce so feared being alone that he’s scouting kids to replace robin within days of jason dying. 

it also goes some way in explaining the tense sort of... restraint that bruce and dick show in the wake of loss and tragedy, like anything less than complete control of your emotions can lead to tragedy. it’s conditioning that dick couldn’t shake off when he was at his lowest in detroit, hating his legacy but unable to let it go either.

2.775. but i definitely appreciate the softness that dick displays with his team now, checking on them after a mission-gone-bad, welcoming back old members with no caveats or resentments (and kory’s delight in seeing hank back! hank and dick hanging out together and hank trying to prop dick up!), and appreciating their teamwork in solving cases. that’s always been the essence of dick as a person, and the beating heart of this show: flawed and traumatised people coming together to a place that will always be open to them, where they can be their worst and be supported still, allowed to make mistakes and grow from them. that’s family.

2.8. coming back to bruce for just a sec, it’s interesting how that gotham rogue was so certain when he said that ‘batman doesn’t kill’ but it’s not a rule that either jason or dick put much store by when they were robins. the ‘no-killing’ rule clearly didn’t mitigate dick’s fears about turning into batman and jason’s never been seeing giving two shits about it. it seems to me of a piece with bruce’s distant, second-hand sort of parenting that we see in dick’s flashbacks from s1 where the fear was never about personally disappointing batman, but taking lessons from him on finding a place in gotham’s hellish ecosystem and surviving.

3. kory having waking flashbacks! i don’t buy the bullshit parasomnia episode explanation from fake!HPG (because c’mon, justin has to be some sort of tamaranean ruse) because for one, you have to be actually asleep for that diagnosis. 

(and here i was, hoping against hope that HPG would actually end up as the team’s therapist)

curiouser and curiouser! i wonder if these flashbacks are from the time between kory landing on earth and the beginning of season 1, when she was completely amnesiac? it’d be cool if the show was considering repercussions from that time, and if kory hasn’t gained all her memories back. 

4. i just love the vibes between gar and conner and kory. gar Having Things To Do is only one part of my wishlist for him, however: other parts include having an actual story arc, and actually bonding with members who are not conner and kory. (dick! dick! hank! dick!)

anyway. time to move on to watching ep3 and seeing this family bond and nothing terrible and tragic happening at all, nope, nosiree.