#watching bleach

[johncas]

everyone in this show is too dramatic

[attroxx]

good morning everyone, working another long shift today but tonight i’m going to try and do a bit of writing but don’t expect too much ~ i hope everyone is having a good weekend !!

[elvyn]

Idk I just wanted to draw him with long hair

[cyellolemon]

Bleach art dump!! The hyperfixation you had from your 11 to 16yo never leaves

[iris-nonsense]

My wife!!!

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ta-Ashi Neko (Many-Legged Cat)

A fun little Yokai to live in AEIWAM's Spirit World. Warnings for: Long Post, Animal Death Mention, non-graphic discussion of Carnivory

---

Ta-Ashi Neko (多足猫) or Many legged Cat

The Ta-Ashi Neko is a Monstrous Cat that grows to enormous size and intelligence, and has multiple pairs of legs. It's more elongated and stoutly built than a domestic house-cat, with a thick and plush coat. While extremely rare, the Ta-Ashi that have been observed come in a variety of coat colors that also occur in Domestic Cats.

No one is quite sure what causes a Ta-Ashi to form but rather than the product of Ta-Ashi Neko mating, new Ta-Ashi are born in domestic cat litters. When born, the Ta-Ashi resembles an ordinary kitten save that it has no legs at all, and sort of wiggles around for the first 11 years of it's life, during which it will feed itself by suckling from any animal EXCEPT cats.

On it's 11th birthday, it suddenly sprouts a pair of legs- Like human handedness, 90% of Ta-Ashi sprout their forelegs first, and 10% their hind legs. It can now crawl around more effectively (or in the case of the hind-leg ones, walk about), and continues to do so for 22 years, when it sprouts it's second pair of legs, and goes about looking like a normal, if unusually large and somewhat elongated house-cat.

33 years after that, it's third pair of legs sprout in the middle. 44 years after that, the 4th pair, 55 years after that the 5th pair, and so on. As it develops more legs, it also grows: a 3-pair Ta-Ashi is about the size of a large dog or Lynx, a 4-pair the size of a Lion or other Big Cat, a 5-pair the size of a Horse, and a 6-leg the size of a small bus. Foreleg Ta-Ashi will sprout their 4th pair between their fore and middle legs, then their fifth between the middle and hind legs, alternating thusly. Hindleg Ta-Ashi alternate as well, but start on the middle and hindleg gap.

If a Ta-Ashi manages to live to be 1,001 years old, it will have 13 pairs of legs, and become a full Kami.

The Ta-Ashi is exceptionally intelligent from birth, and by the time they have 2 pairs of legs, they fully understand human speech, but usually don't talk before their third legs grow in. A Ta-Ashi with over 5 pairs of legs is at least 231 years old, and of superhuman intelligence, if peculiar feline priorities.

They are incredibly stealthy, and it's believed older ones learn to become silent and invisible at will, but the Ta-Ashi's greatest weapon is it's speed. Even a 3-pair Ta-Ashi can outpace a Shingami's Shunpo, and as it ages, it only gets faster and better endurance. Hayai Tatakai, a 6-pair Ta-Ashi that lives in the distant districts of the Rukongai, is said to be able to make a complete circuit around the outermost borders of the Rukongai in just under a month.

Ta-Ashi are exceptionally rare, due to both their apparently niche spawning criteria, and the fact that humans have a bad habit of 'mercy killing' what they think are 'deformed' kittens. Even if a Ta-Ashi makes it to Adulthood (The onset of it's third pair of legs), it still faces major challenges: Humans will hunt them out of fear, or for Trophy Animals, and it's diet is peculiarly limited:

The Ta-Ashi eats Other Cats and the Occasional Hunter.

It's a mystery* WHY Ta-Ashi only eat other cats and seemingly random game hunters, even to the Ta-Ashi themselves. Hayai described his desire for feline flesh and not hunger per se, but as an act of rage. The mere scent of another cat would send him into an irrationally furious fugue which would not be assuaged until he had hunted down, killed, and devoured his nemesis. In fact, he rarely felt hungry at all, at least not since he'd been weaned, but on the rare occasions he did, his craving was for milk and cheese, not catmeat.

This has caused some speculation that the Ta-Ashi is not a Cat-spirit at all, but a sort of ironic Vengeful Spirit against cats- not only does it's compulsion to devour include house-cats, but also big cats, bakaneko, two-tailed cats, catfolk, and in one particularly catastrophic incident, a member of the Shihoin clan.

(*The Secret is that Ta-Ashi ARE an Ironic Vengeful Spirit- When the Beast God of the Wilderkin cursed the Shihoin to live among the humans for killing for sadistic pleasure instead of having respect for their prey, the Beast God also created the Ta-Ashi specifically to antagonize them. The Shihoin clan took, and continues to take, immense pride in their strength and speed, so the Beast God created a Feline Yokai that would be faster and stronger than any Shihoin could ever hope to be, and that would spawn anywhere Cats or Humans were hunting without respect for their prey. Even if they don't originally spawn there, Ta-Ashi Neko are drawn to places with an overabundance of cats, or where trophy hunting takes place. This has lead to the peculiar phenomenon that Ta-Ashi are found in either the ass-end of nowhere where some idiot has introduce house-cats or taken a hunting party, or smack in the middle of cities where poor pet and livestock husbandry abounds.)

Despite their fearsome appearance and distressing diet, Ta-Ashi are surprisingly gentle and playful spirits. The vast majority of people living within the territory of a Ta-Ashi never notice and are untroubled by it's presence. Some like to rush by as a sudden gust of wind to tease unwary travelers, or play with laundry left out in an unattended line. When not being actively hunted, some have even proved to be gentle and protective of human children, going so far as to return lost children to the nearest village. They are notably fond of all canines, especially dogs.

Because Ta-Ashi are so stealthy and reclusive until they know they can trust the local humans, the strongest indicators that a Ta-Ashi is in the area are:

A sudden surge in the local population of songbirds, reptiles and frogs (the mice are no longer being hunted either, but the snake population also massively rebounded)

Sudden changes in weather including more intense storms and windy days (the Ta-Ashi traveling about At Speed)

Strange miasmas of absolutely rancid sour odors with no discernible source, especially on remote stretches of road (the Ta-Ashi Marking the borders of its territory)

Some exorcists have attempted to divine the presence of Ta-Ashi Neko by interrogating other local Yokai, especially Tanuki and Kitsune, who can be plied with Sake. However, this method isn't very reliable- given that Kitsune and Tanuki are both canine spirits that are often harassed by Bakaneko or Yokai Trophy Hunters, and often favorite friends of Ta-Ashi, they usually choose to keep the presence of their Good Friend Leggy Boi a secret.

If a Ta-Ashi appears in your area, the best thing to do is keep your cat indoors- Ta-Ashi are extremely reluctant to go inside of any kind of human construction, and it also limits how far the scent of your cat travels. Also, you should be keeping your cat indoors anyway have you SEEN the foxes around here? Not even the Kitsune, the regular ones!

---

Yushiro Shihoin used to love visiting his Uncles Jushiro and Kaname and going Birdlistening (on account of Kaname being blind and Jushiro being utterly hopeless with the binoculars, they rarely saw the birds, but did have a good time listening to their songs) out in the Greenbelt of old Noble House Land Holdings in the middle of the city.

He came to visit in the mid 1970's after several years away at school at Jushiro's word of improved bird populations, only to feel an awful, intense paranoia that he was being stalked by something. Concerned about assassins, the two captains quickly retreated with him from the wilder parts of the Ukitake clan holdings to the main compound. He hasn't been back since, and soon after even visiting Auntie Soi Fon's heavily forested 2nd Division training grounds gave him a similarly awful case of Heebie-Jeebies.

Unbeknownst to nearly everyone, Mayuri Kurotsuichi had commissioned the capture of a live Ta-Ashi Neko for analysis. In 1973, bounty hunters arrived in the city with a three-leg Ta-Ashi who went ballistic at being exposed to even the faintest hint of Shihoin Reiatsu, broke out of the cage she was being kept in, and has been lurking in the Greenbelt and 2nd Division training grounds since.

Since her return to Soul Society in 2001, Yoruichi thinks that she ought to bond with her Surprise Baby Brother, and that a good way to do that would be for the two of them to sneak into the Kuchiki Compound in the middle of the Greenbelt and camp there while pranking Byakuya until caught.

Kazetsumi, as she calls herself, is over 110 years old now. Her fourth pair of legs has grown in nicely and she has spent the last 27 years learning every. square. inch. of her territory.

>:3c

[tossawary]

One of the worst parts about Ichigo/Orihime as a pairing is that I like both of them and I think they could make a very cute couple of overpowered weirdos together, but the writing is just NOT THERE for them most of the time. It is NOT supporting them as a compelling couple so far and NOT delivering on the potential chemistry.

You know when someone writes fanfiction for your ship and you want to enjoy it, but it's just so OOC and they've filed all the interesting rough edges off the characters and don't explore what it would actually be like for these two to be life partners? So, it's like, "This isn't even really my ship... You fucking Gentrified Flanderized Them." It's like that but it's fucking canon, baby.

I would rather a relationship not become canon at all than become canon in the most boring way possible. "Naruto" is the same way. How are these authors so dedicated to making potentially perfectly tolerable ships suck sooooo bad most of the time? (I know it's the misogyny. They CANNOT write women consistently well.) I am almost delighted with frustration.

At least with "One Piece", despite the many writing crimes committed against female characters all the fucking time, I feel relatively certain that Oda will kill Luffy off at the end of the story before he writes an epilogue where Luffy is married with kids.

[reineydraws]

same ship, different font ☠️🔥

[japhgura]

I headcanon occasionally having to maneuver a fellow sleep-drunken squad member out of harm's way is a rather common thing in the 9th.

At least for Maegawa and Minamoto. Who would've thought the reflexes subconsciously learned from the many printing days would come in handy in the 3rd too?

Aka #AEIWAM Gin and his 16-dimensions-at-once-vision encounter Cupboard-to-Hip-Prevention Maegawa

[raamitsu]

my fav part in ep 16 😚

[princehendir]

Finding out that buy and large what people mean when they say "it's dangerous to reheat rice!!" is that if rice is held at a tepid temperature for an extended period of time it tends to grow cultures that can cause food poisoning. A fact that is true about pretty much everything.

[handsome-kakigori]

[ChadIchi: Through your eyes]

No one can beat Chad’s rizz

.

.

.

Ref:

[elvyn]

Anyway, the new Bleach opening has some pretty cool clothes

[otiksimr]

I have a really bad habit of almost finishing something then dropping it forever.

[yhwcomeback]

REDRAW of a drawing I did when I was 12

pretty sure this was supposed to be movie Lloyd and his emo cousin or whatever ALSO THE NEW DRAG0N RISING TRAILER DROPPED I'M SO EXCITED

[gallusrostromegalus]

I must ask how my Most Favorite Boys, Jushiro Ukitake and Shinji Hirako, are doing in AEIWAM?

When Shinji returns to his post as Captain of the 5th after his exile, he is DETERMINED to not repeat his past mistakes and actually get to know the shinigami serving under him. He needs... Some kind of event, something people will voluntarily attend, where they'll tell him about themselves, and with a bit of structure because he is an awkward sod, and social interactions need RULES, DAMMIT-

"Now hang on-" says Shinji after staring at the blank office wall in silence for the last thirty minutes. "-that's not a bad idea!"

"...Is he okay?" Lieutenant Momo asks quietly.

"Oh yeah, he's always a little freak. Talks to himself and gets a lot out of the conversation." Also Lieutenant Hiyori nods. "You don't need to worry until he breaks out the craft supplies."

"He just pulled out a bunch of markers and construction paper." Momo pointed to their captain as he scribbled furiously on the paperwork he was ignoring.

"Aw. Fuck." Groaned Hiyori. "Well this is gonna be cringe as hell."

***

A few nights later, most of the fifth division assembled in the auditorium, slightly confused, but they had been promised there would be no additional work from this meeting, and there was an open bar, so they were in figurative and literal high spirits.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fifth Division, welcome to TONIGHT'S GAME!" A cheerful and showman-like voice called out over the speakers, and the stage curtain rose to reveal a brightly colored game show stage where there had not been one before.

"Tonight's lovely contestants are- all the way from payroll, it's Fifth Division Tenth Seat Tenya Danshin!" The voice called out as the familiar face of their payroll and scheduling manager trotted out onstage and took his place behind the first of three podiums. There was some scattered and genuine, if confused applause from the audience.

"He's Big, he's Bad, he's just a little Bizarre, he's Josuke Araki!" The voice continued as a notably tall and muscular member took his place behind the middle podium with a wave and broad grin. There was more clapping and a few cheers this time.

"Currently being dragged onstage by my lovely assistant, it's my second favorite Lieutenant, Hiyori Sarugaki!" The voice continued as Hiyori was wrestled onstage and behind the third podium by Momo. The audience whooped and snickered at the spectacle.

"FUCK YOU, YOU FREAK!" Hiyori roared, flipping off the audience and the figure behind the final podium on the other side of the stage.

"I'm your host, ME! I've been here the whole time!" Grinned Shinji, dressed in a rather snappy three piece suit and holding a microphone. "WELCOME, all my lovely division members and Hiyori, to Tonight's Game! Now, you all know how to play, right?"

"Um. No. Sorry sir." Muttered Tenya as Josuke shook his head.

"You didn't tell us shit!" Hiyori growled.

"That's RIGHT!" Shinji's Cheshire Cat smile shined under the spotlights.

"You see, I wanted to get to know everyone in the 5th a little better, and there is nothing quite like a game show to get people to reveal some truly startling sides of themselves, but playing the same game over and over would be boring! So, every night we play Tonight's Game, the game is a different game than last time, and the contestants will all start with blank slates!" He explained, entirely too pleased with himself. "So- the only way to win is by learning, the only way to learn is by playing, and the only way to begin is by beginning, so without further ado- Momo, will you please bring out THE LIE DETECTOR."

The small curtains at the back of the stage opened, and Momo rolled out a cart with a strange device covered in dials and switches with a long antenna and a large lightbulb on top.

"Thank you Momo! Now, the clever bastards in the 12th whipped this up for me so I have absolutely no idea how it actually works, but I am assured this is the latest cutting-edge in Veracity Technology. Let's turn it on and try it out! Tenya-!"

"Yes, sir!" Tenya snapped to attention. "No need to be formal, I'm only your host, not your captain right now." Shinji waved. "Tell me Tenya- Do you have any children?"

"I- Um, my wife and I have three children, two little boys and our infant daughter?" He stammered, confused.

DING! The Device charmed, light bulb lighting up bright green.

"That is CORRECT!" Shinji grinned. "You get a point!"

There was another chime as the screen on the front of Tenya's Podium lit up and displayed a "1".

"Oh, I see!" Laughed Tenya.

"Josuke!" called Shinji.

"Capt- Host?" Josuke stopped mid-salute.

"Very good! Tell me Josuke, do you live in the barracks?" Shinji asked with genuine interest.

"Uh, no. I live with my Mom." Josuke shook his head.

DING! Said the device.

"That is Correct!" Shinji nodded approvingly. "You get a point as well!"

"Oh, so, every time we tell the truth, we get a point?" Asked Josuke.

"Very quick on the uptake my friend!" Shinji winked. "Of course, as the game goes on, the questions are going to get much harder to answer Truthfully..."

Oooooooh! Gasped the audience, invested now.

"What happens if we lie?" Wondered Tenya.

"Even if we did- how would he fucking know?" Hiyori rolled her eyes.

"You can try it and find out!" Shinji grinned with more than a hint of Menace. "Hiyori! It's your turn!"

"Ugh. What?" She groaned.

"Tell me, When is my birthday?" Asked Shinji.

"I don't know and I don't care." She smirked, sticking her tongue out at him.

BZZRK! The Device buzzed angrily, and the light flashed red. OHH! laughed the audience.

"What the FUCK?" Yelped Hiyori.

"Ooh!" Shinji winced, thoroughly enjoying himself. "I'm afraid that is INCORRECT! According to the screen back here, you spent the better part of THREE MONTHS tracking down a specific part to repair my sound system and traveled halfway across the planet to deliver it personally to me on my birthday. So not only do you know, you DO care, and for that I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock you two points."

Hiyori's screen lit up and displayed a "-2"

"WHAT THE HELL?" Hiyori wailed. "You didn't even see me when I gave you that Banana Plug or whatever-!"

"I did not!" Shinji grinned. "-but The Device knows, and is infallible!" "That's terrifying!" Tenya laughed nervously. "Alright contestants, the questions are going to get harder now, so consider your answers to them carefully." Shinji warned, a finger up to his lips. "Contestants- does any of your underwear have holes in it?"

"...Can we refuse to answer on the grounds it might get us in trouble?" asked Josuke.

"Yes! But you won't get any points for that round, and you may not win our Lovely Prize this week. Speaking of- Momo! Will you please show our contestants what they're playing for this week?"

Momo emerged from backstage with a large, blank sign, which she turned over and held over her head for all to see.

AN EXTRA WEEK OF PAID VACATION

OHHH! exclaimed the audience, with a few audible mutters of Damn, a whole week? and How do you get on this show?.

"ALL MY UNDERWEAR HAS GOT HOLES IN IT!" Shouted Josuke, now with heavily-motivated enthusiasm. Laughter exploded out of the audience, thoroughly entertained.

DING! chimed the device, and the score on Josuke's podium went up.

"Josuke taking an early and shameless lead!" Beamed Shinji, delighted that his plan was working. "Tenya?"

"I-ah, I don't think so?" Tenya blushed. "I bathe the kids and get them ready for bed while my wife does the laundry." He tried to explain.

BZZRK! The Device contested, red light flashing and the audience howled with laughter.

"Uh-oh, that's Not Correct!" Grinned Shinji. "According to the device, a significant amount of your clothes have holes in them, and you don't notice because you get dressed in the dark. You didn't outright lie though, so you will only not get a point instead of a deduction."

"WHAT?" Yelped Hiyori, outraged.

"Yeah, that's fair." Tenya winced. "Seriously though- where does this thing get it's information from?"

"...Hiyori?" Shinji leered playfully at his lieutenant.

"Yeah, it's all got holes. They come that way- Two for my legs and one for my torso." Hiyori snarled.

DING! agreed The Device.

"That is *technically* correct, which is the BEST kind of correct! You get a point!" Shinji cheered, and so did the audience.

"FINALLY!" She shouted, but her eyes narrowed with competitive enthusiasm.

---

The game continued for an hour, with a mix of group and solo questions, but equal chances to score points awarded to all contestants. Josuke was shameless but ill-informed, causing him to fail several rounds, Tenya was honest even as his face flushed red and he crumpled behind his Podium. Hiyori did her best to be only as honest as she had to be, and as the game continued, they came to a three-way tie.

"Before we begin the final round-" Shinji said, intoning a gentle sincerity. "Contestants, you've been so honest with me. Like. Alarmingly Honest with me. So I need to be honest with you- I do know how The Lie Detector works."

There was a scandalized gasp from all three contestants and the audience.

"Okay- I *sort of* know how The Device works." Shinji admitted. "I don't know what 'Wiffy' is-"

"YOU MEAN THE FUCKING WI-FI?" Howled Hiyori.

"Oh, like you know how it works!" Shinji glared.

"It's using a radio frequency to transmit Data instead of an electrical pulses like internet usually does." She scoffed. "-AND I KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT!"

Shinji glared. "...I should deduct a point from you for insubordination."

"You can't do that, you're the Host, not the Captain!" Said Josuke cheerfully.

"Yeah, unless Host is a Military rank, it's arguing, not insubordination."

DING! Agreed The Device.

"DON'T GANG UP ON ME!" Shinji wailed. "Fine, fine. Anyway, I might not know how Why-Figh works, but I *DO* know how the device knows if you're lying or not. Would my Lovely Assistants please come to the stage?"

Momo emerged from backstage, wearing a labcoat and holding another device with an antenna that matched the Lie Detector, followed by a middle aged woman holding a Baby, an older woman, and Mashiro Kuna.

"Akkiko?" Tenya yelped, and his wife laughed manically.

"MOM??" Wailed Josuke.

"MASHIRO??" Hiyori bellowed, jumping up onto her Podium. "YOU SOLD ME OUT?!"

"FOR A BAG OF CORN CHIPS!" Mashiro cackled.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN PAY HER?!" Hiyori howled at Shinji.

"She was gonna do it for free! I talked her UP to a bag of corn chips!" Shinji protested. "But YES! You've all been deceived! Hoodwinked!Bamboozled, even! Which brings us to our Final Question!"

The crowd roared with excitement.

"I started this game because I wanted to get to know everyone better- but I have to ask, how well do YOU know each other, and so I must ask you all if you know these people as well as they know you?"

There was a loud OOOH! of intrigue from the audience.

"Just to make it extra-exciting, all of these questions will be worth up to three points!" Shinji grinned, then slowly turned to the first Podium. "Tenya."

"Oh god." Tenya laughed nervously.

"Your lovely wife. You've been married for ten year now, so you theoretically know what she looks like, right?" Shinji teased. "So, for a potential three points and week of paid vacation- Do you know what color Akkiko's eyes are?"

Akkiko giggled, turning around as Tenya leaned as far forward on his Podium and squinted at her. With a deep sigh, he slumped over the podium in defeat.

"...I do not." He groaned and Akkiko cackled.

"That is CORRECT!" Shinji cheered.

"I'm not good with colors." Tenya tried to explain. "-this morning I actually asked her what color MY eyes are."

"YES! That's what I was waiting to hear!" Shinji shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "All three points!"

The audience cheered loudly.

Shinji turned to the next contestant. "Josuke."

"Oh no." Josuke giggled.

"What is your mother's favorite food?" Shinji asked.

Josuke stared blankly.

"SURELY you are not living in your mother's house and NOT COOKING FOR HER, are you?" Shinji asked with no small amount of menace.

"You're never going to get married if you can't cook!" Tenya nodded in agreement.

"I COOK!" Josuke protested. "...sometimes." he added, cringing.

"-So. What do you make for your beloved mother, who works so hard taking care of her adult son?" Shinji teased.

"LOTSA STUFF THAT'S WHY I DON'T KNOW!" Josuke wailed. "I COOK KATSUDON, I COOK RAMEN, I COOK CURRY, I COOK OMURICE- I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO COOK WESTERN FOODS LIKE LASAGNA AND CHILLI CHEESE DOG-! DING! Went the device, Josuke's mother holding the radio.

"Was your favorite in there Mrs. Akari?"

"Yes! I like Chili Cheese Dog." She smiled. "I always eat seconds!"

"YOU ALWAYS EAT SECONDS OF EVERYTHING I COOK I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE YOU LIKE THE MOST!" Josuke wailed.

"That is also true! He is a very good cook! And single!" She nodded up at Shinji.

"-And he's single!" Shinji grinned at the audience, some of whom whistled back. "Three points, for your culinary skills! Which means we have a Tie!"

The audience tittered with speculation and excitement.

"...Hiyori." Shinji grinned.

"You're a dead man as soon as you sign off on my vacation time." She glared.

"I mean, I can end the game right now." Shinji wagged his finger at her. "-But I can't resist the opportunity to humliate you. Now, You and Mashiro have been living under the same roof for longer than Josuke and Tenya have been alive, so to be fair to them, I'll ask you about someone you've met more recently but should still know pretty well-"

Hiyori squinted at him.

"-What is Momo's Favorite Animal?"

"What?" Hiyori laughed. "-Everyone knows it's Penguins!"

"Really?" asked Josuke. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I didn't know that either and I've served under her for decades now!" Said Tenya.

"What? How do you guys NOT know that?" Demanded Hiyori. "Her phone background is a Rockhopper Penguin, she's got a Fairy penguin squeeze toy in her desk for really long phone calls and she's always talking about wanting to go to the Tokyo aquarium in the living world to see them in person! She's even got a HUGE collection of penguin plushies in her r-" DINGDINGDINGDINGSING!! rang the Machine as Momo furiously pressed the button, face red as a beet.

"Wow!" Shinji smiled. "I'm surprised! You seem to know Miss Hinamori really well!"

"Uh, duh? We're colleagues." Hiyori rolled her eyes.

Momo sighed with relief.

"Interesting! Follow-up question- What's Mashiro's surname?" Shinji asked.

Hiyori blinked. "...uhhhhhhhh..."

"You heard Kensei yell it at least six times a day for the last century you jackass!" Laughed Mashiro.

"UHHHHH..." Hiyori paled, and the audience roared with laughter.

"Hmm... I seem to remember you pretending you didn't care about my birthday, and yet, you do- For you to remember her favorite animal and in such detail, Momo must be VERY IMPORTANT to you!"

The audience giggled Momo turned scarlet again and slowly crumpled into a ball. Mashiro vibrated with excitement beside her.

"Yeah?" Hiyori glared at Shinji. "She's the smartest person in the whole damn division and does half your job for you? If I win, I'm giving the week off to her just to watch you flail around without her! No wait- I'll set up the webcam and we can split the week off, go to the aquarium AND watch Shinji squirm like a worm an a-! Uh? Momo? You okay there?" She asked, finally noticing Momo laying on the floor, borderline catatonic with embarrassment.

"This is FASCINATNG!" Shinji grinned. "You are apparently so immune to embarrassment that you have somehow made it bounce off you and target Momo!"

"What's to be embarrassed about? I like her okay?" Hiyori blinked. "She's great! I wanna work with her forever!"

Shinji leaned forward on his elbows, chin in his hands and stared at Hiyori, positively vibrating with excitement.

"What?" She glared.

"You are. SO CLOSE. To comprehending something." He said, wide-eyed and delighted. "It's fascinating to see someone on the precipice like this."

Hiyori stared blankly at him. clueless.

"So you like Momo. We've established that." Shinji said, attempting to throw her a bone. "H- how do you think Momo feels about you?" Hiyori slowly lowered her gaze to Momo. The entire audience watched in hushed fascination as Hiyori frowned at the situation, thinking hard-

"...Momo?" Hiyori's voice was suddenly nervous. "Do you- have I just been annoying you? Becuase I can stop-"

Momo Hinamori was abruptly on her feet, crouched atop the Podium, fists balled in the front of Hiyori's shushako, pulling the blonde's face up so it was mere inches from hers. "HIYORI SARUGAKI YOU ARE THE MOST INFURIATING WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"Fuck!" Hiyori yelped. "I'm really sorry, I'll- I'll leave you alo-"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO, MISSY!" Momo continued, grabbing Hiyori's face. "YOU'RE WINNING THIS GAME, YOU'RE SPLITTING THE WEEK OFF WITH ME, YOU ARE GETTING A HOTEL IN THE LIVING WORLD AND THEN *I* AM GOING TO-'

In the videotape of the game that mysteriously appeared in the ninth division later that week, the next forty-seven seconds of sound had been obscured by a single, loud, continuous "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" sound, but Mashiro was visibly looking up some of the terms being shouted on her phone, Josuke's mother sprinted up to cover her son's ears to no avail, Akkiko was pointing between herself and Tenya with excitement, and Shinji's jaw fell so far open it looked like it had become unhinged from his skull.

"-AND IF EITHER OF US CAN WALK IN THE MORNING, THEN WE'RE GONNA GO SEE SOME PENGUINS!" Momo finished, staring Hiyori down with a terrifying blend of romantic fury and bloodthirsty lust.

Hiyori stared up, wide-eyed and expressionless, face clearly offline as she underwent several psychological and spiritual awakenings before her she slowly broke into a slow, stupefied grin "Oh you like-like me!"

"...Yes." Momo sighed, deeply pained and affectionate at once as the audience howled. "You're okay with... all that?"

Hiyori saluted Momo with an enthusiastic "-Yes, SIR!"

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKIN' ABOUT!" Shinji whooped with joy, jumping up and down, the audience on their feet with applause. "POINTS AND VACATIONS ALL AROUND, AND FOR BEING THE *MOST* HONEST, THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S GAME IS MOMO HINAMORI!"

The audience cheered wildly as Momo scooped Hiyori up like a princess and carried her backstage.

"THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT'S GAME!" called Shinji over the din. "GOODNIGHT EVERYONE, AND GOOD FUCKING LUCK!"

---

As for Jushiro Ukitake, he appears on a special guest episode of Tonight's Game with fellow Captains Soi Fon, Byakuya Kuchiki and Retsu Unohana to play "Never Have I Ever" and *that* episode is widely considered to be one of the most scandalous and unhinged of all the games on Tonight's Game.