#watched three episodes and thought you understood everything there

[castelobyers]

I think I just got blocked on Twitter because I said characters love each other.... Okay

[sciencebecameouraddiction]

Would you be open to doing a Dad!Husk with daughter reader but nobody knows (except Alastor ofc) until she gets drunk with Angel after seeing a similar scene from episode 5 with Husk and Alastor and starts crying because she’s afraid of losing her dad, and everyone puts the pieces together when Husk starts comforting her? Sorry that it’s super specific 😅

First off, oh my gosh, thank you for your request!!!

It’s all good! I love this prompt! I know that you said reader ends up getting drunk but the story took a bit of a different turn and you just end up going to the bar sober.

I hope that I still did this fic justice though! 🖤

rating: PG

genre: angst and fluff

characters: Dad!Husk x Reader

warnings: abuse, soul owning, panic attack from reader

You knew that being in Hell came with a price. Your dad had tried to shield you from the more… fucked up parts of Hell. But he couldn’t save you from everything, which is why when you were younger he made you promise to never tell anyone you were his daughter. So, you were a kid he found and was taking care of, his assistant, apprentice, a bar back when he was bartending. Which was how you ended up at the hotel.

You knew that your father’s soul was owned by Alastor, who had been nothing but pleasant to you, but there was still a bitterness in your mouth when you looked at him or talked to him. It was at the point where you could forget the fact that Alastor owned Husk’s soul. There were times you were reminded though and reality crashed upon you rudely. Like when both you and Husk were summoned to the hotel to help, and you became a trusty bar back and bartender in training, keeping the secret of Husk’s relationship to you.

This night though, your dad had gone off to find Alastor and Angel had been at the bar asking about different drinks. You couldn’t remember what actually went into Angel’s drink and neither did he saying, “It’s something Husk makes… special. Ya know?”

You sighed and just explained you’d go find Husk and get the ingredients, muttering about getting a recipe book for the bar. You were walking the halls when the lights started flickering. You ran to the hall where it was the worse, seeing Alastor conjure the chain that wrapped around your dad’s neck. Watching as the Radio Demon transformed into his demonic figure and your dad crouched on the ground.

“If this happens again, I’ll make sure you and every other disrespectful wretch knows exactly who they are messing with. Understood?” Alastor says, his voice low.

“Understood.” Husk said as Alastor went back to his normal self.

“Good man.” Alastor whistled as he walked away and you stood there around the corner clutching your chest. Your breathing too quick and tears in your eyes.

‘He wouldn’t actually kill dad, would he?’ you thought to yourself, the reality of Alastor owning Husk’s soul crashing down upon you. You quickly leave the hallway, not wanting your dad to see that you had been there, as you got back to the bar. Still trying to calm your breathing, Angel’s words asking if you got the recipe sounded like they were underwater. You nodded your head to whatever he said, and tried to start making his drink with whatever you thought went into it. Thinking you were doing a pretty good job at not showing how close you were to breaking. Until Angel came behind the bar, grabbing your shoulder and spinning you around to face him. His eyes widened.

“What’s wrong toots?” He asked, his hands gliding over your arms comfortingly and giving you a once over to make sure you weren’t hurt.

“I-I-He-And I-“ And sobs just crashed against your lips as you fell against Angel. Angel freezes in shock, and holds you, trying to calm you down. Charlie and Vaggie hear and come over seeing you a wreck. Your sobs not quieting and now all three are consoling you and attempting to get you to calm down enough to actually understand what’s wrong.

Husk finally comes down stairs, sighing and sees a crowd around the bar, normally crowds and bars are synonymous but not at this hotel. He walks over, his ears picking up your cries, automatically going into protection mode. He brushes through everyone and sees Angel consoling you.

“What’s going on?” He asks and before Angel can answer, you launch yourself at Husk. Still crying, but settling down as you feel him in your arms. Your hand going to his wrist where you could feel his heartbeat and feeling that calms you down further.

“What happened?” He murmurs to you, his arms and wings wrapped around you.

“Angel’s drink-And I didn’t know th’ ingredien’s-Went to find you. And saw you and-and-Al…” You trailed off and buried yourself in Husk’s chest.

“Oh sweetheart.” He murmured. His head dropping to rest on top of yours. “I’m so sorry.”

Angel, Charlie, and Vaggie all look at each other.

“So, that’s not just some bar back, bartender in training you got off the street?” Vaggie asks.

“Yeah, you’s both seem a little familiar with each other.” Angel adds. Husk sighs.

“‘m sorry.” You say lifting yourself off Husk.

“You don’t have anything ta be sorry for. I should be the one apologizin’.” Husk says, his hand on your cheek.

“Not at all.” You shake your head at him.

“Oh shit.” Angel says now looking at you both. “Is that your daughter Husk?” You look wide eyed at Angel and then your dad.

“Yes, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, meet my daughter, Y/N.” Husk says, gesturing to you.

“Hi!” You say waving, looking a bit sheepish. “I’m so sorry we didn’t say anything before. It was just safer this way because-“ Husk interrupts you.

“I’m sure they understand, sweetheart.” Husk looks at all of them and all nod. “And I’m sure this isn’t information that will be getting out either.” Husk looks at all of them again. Again everyone nods.

“On my word, this will stay between us.” Charlie promises.

“Not a word.” Vaggie says. Angel just makes the motion of his lips being zipped and throwing away the key.

“Now, who was wanting a drink?” Husk says, stepping behind the bar.

“Oh, that was me!” Angel pipes up and sits down.

“O’ course it was.” Husk mutters as he starts making the drink and Charlie steps forward more.

“Can we ask questions? I have so many.” She says, looking at Husk then you. You look back at your dad and he motions you forward. You smile and sit next to Angel as Charlie and Vaggie sit down too.

“What do you want to know?” you ask.

The rest of the night was spent around the bar as Charlie, Vaggie and Angel got to know you outside of what you had just been telling them and you had fun poking fun at your dad at times, recounting times like how he taught you to count with poker chips. The laughter bled into the night and marked one of the happier nights that you could remember and for the first time, you were happy to be at the Hazbin Hotel.

[lemotmo]

I cropped the question for you on this one. But ugh the answer 💗

Q. What other canon plots do you hate, if you don't mind sharing? Also you've mentioned people who haven't watched the series in its entirety not really having valid opinions. You don't really think that do you? Their opinion on the current show should be just as valid. An opinion is an opinion. Everyone is allowed to view things differently.

A. Hi anon. It's a show that has run for 7 seasons, there's been several plots I haven't loved. In terms of plots I hate though, the easy go to one is the sperm donor plot (which I'm guessing you haven't seen). It had the potential to be interesting, but they just ended up doing nothing with it. And picking Buck specifically to be the donor definitely needed context the show just didn't bother providing. Buck is way too emotionally wired to father a child and then just never care to see or hear about that child again. I also absolutely hated the couple he donated to. I hated them. I thought the whole fight club thing with Eddie was not great. Technically with the way Eddie is wired it did make sense for him to a point, and again had potential, but again, it just kind of stopped with no real resolution or point in the end. Buck's lawsuit is a widely hated storyline by many, but I kind of understood what they were going for, only because Buck can be singularly sighted at times. But I still tend to skip over it in my rewatches. I don't care for the parental redemption arcs because sometimes parents just suck, and their adult children have the right to live their lives telling people their parents sucked. Buck and Eddie's parents sucked. They sucked in different ways, but they both definitely sucked. Lastly as far as hated plots go, the entire back half of season 7(episodes 7-10) belongs in a fire pit of hell never to be seen again. I won't watch any of it ever again. I rebuke it entirely. It was abysmal.

Now, I know this is not going to be the answer you were hoping for, but anyone whose knowledge of the show consists solely of 7 episodes from one season absolutely does not have a valid opinion of the characters or the show. We would be here days if I did this character by character so for the sake of time I'm going to relegate this answer to Buck, you know the half of your ship you all care the least about, but the half the audience and the show cares the most about. You never met and don't understand the reference Buck 1.0, or Buck 2.0 for that matter. You don't know clipboard Buck, or that it's canon that Eddie is the only human alive who finds that Buck endearing. You don't know who Daniel is, or how he ties into Buck's complete lack of self worth. You don't know who Carla is or how Buck met her or who she now is to Eddie and Christopher. You don't know why Buck doesn't associate with the name Evan, and why it's actually gross that Tommy refuses to call him Buck. You don't know why Buck had to wear a protective sleeve on his leg during the pickup basketball game. You don't know the significance of 3 minutes and 17 seconds. You don't know that Buck basically spent the better part of three years without a couch. You don't know that during the tsunami while trying to protect whatever was left of Christopher's innocence he started a game of I spy so Christopher would look up instead of down at the water and the bodies floating by. You don't know who taught Buck how to cook. You don't know he tended bar and worked on a ranch at one point before going to the fire academy. You don't know that Bobby fired him. This is nowhere near everything but I'm guessing you get the point. If you don't want to watch the entire series don't. No one is going to force you. But we all know the reason you won't watch it is because learning who Buck truly is would no longer allow you the ability to mold him entirely out of your Tommy headcanons. He's not a damsel in distress. He's not weak or incapable of speaking for himself or saving himself. He doesn't need Tommy to survive day to day. You don't want his canon history, fine, but it absolutely makes your opinion of him worthless.

Phew, well I feel like this is kind of a great conclusion to the posts I have been answering all night about hated plots and why some people can't seem to accept that BT isn't endgame.

It's because of this! Once again, thank you anon OP for your almost devastating eloquence. I wish I had even half of your writing talent.

Thank you once again Nonny for dropping this in my askbox.

Remember, no hate in comments or reblogs. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of the anonymous OP’s posts, you can find all of their posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie:  Two emergencies in 7x1 illustrated Buck hasn’t dealt with his death

It appears the first call with the older onery couple and the second call with the burned car relate to Buck’s death and they seem to illustrate how he’s not over it yet.

These are my OBSERVATIONS and INTERPRETATIONS of two scenes included in 7x1 and other people’s may differ since everyone consumes and interprets media differently.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program…

Before I delve into this, I have to mention that I don’t think Buck’s over his death yet.  Does he want to be?  Yes but the fact is he hasn’t dealt with it and the first two emergencies in 7x1 alluded to it.

For those who read my post about my frustrations surrounding the fact that TM (showrunner) said Buck was tired of talking about death and he just wants to be happy (linked here), I’ve elaborated on why I believe he hasn’t dealt with it yet in this post.  I found two things in the first episode of season 7 that seems to prove my theory associated with the way TM might be saving Buck dealing with the fact that he ACTUALLY DIED in season 6 until after 7x6 airs since that’s Maddie’s wedding and the Buckley parents are scheduled to return.

I live blogged during last week’s episode but while doing so, I noticed so many things that I wanted to expound on but I wanted to analyze them first to see how they connected to previous seasons and episodes.  I watched the episode three more times for multiple reasons but mainly because I wanted to make sure I understood all the callbacks, hindsight, metaphors and foreshadowing.  This post will not include everything I found because it’s a lot but I will do several posts to cover the others.

While Buck and Eddie were in the locker room talking, Buck said all ND wanted to talk about was his death, it got boring after a while and he didn’t know why he thought dating a dEaTh DoUlA was a good idea.  Eddie responded, “Well you had just died” but then he said something else that caused me to pause because it was JARRING.  He said, “Welcome back to the land of the living Buck, you were missed” (more on this topic below).

Be clear, I’M GLAD SHE’S GONE AND I WISH THE SHOW WOULDN’T HAVE SHOVED THEM INTO A RELATIONSHIP.  If she would have helped Buck with the fact that he died like she was supposed to then all that screen time spent on whatever they had in season 6 could have been used to SHOW how he arrived at a point of just wanting to be happy at the beginning of season 7 but the audience didn’t get that.  The truth is, if he wasn’t opening up and talking about it (it’s likely he wasn’t since he’s not in therapy) then of course it got boring for him because he was doing what he always does, avoiding dealing with his own issues by trying to fix everyone else’s.  Reminder, he’s the guy who likes to fix things except for when it’s his own problems.  He avoids them the same way he avoided moving on from AC in season 2 which equates to the way he avoided talking to TK for a week so he wouldn’t have to break up with her at the end of season 5.

Also, Buck hides his true feelings and he said so in 4x2 when he was in a FaceTime therapy session with Dr. Copeland.  He said, “How I hide my true feelings from others”.  Additionally, in 6x15, he told Eddie, “The truth is I am different.  But I feel like I have to be the same old Buck, mostly for the sake of everyone else.”  These two statements he made along with the way he avoids things further substantiates the fact that Buck is hiding the way he really feels about his death and he’s pretending to be happy.

IMO, the first and second emergencies in 7x1 the 118 was dispatched to appeared to show where Buck is mentally.  I’ll start with the chair and the car metaphors in this post because they’re the ones I couldn't forget when I watched live.  After my initial viewing, I kept wondering why the man in the first call was not only sitting in a reclining chair but he was ALSO TRAPPED IN IT.  Additionally, I couldn’t get over the fact that Buck and Eddie were the only two on the scene of the second call with that burned car.  Not only was the car destroyed from the inside out; it was the question the owner of the car asked Buck that I couldn’t forget.  The chair and the car are the two items I’ll expound on in this post to illustrate how they relate to Buck’s death and I’ll include my opinion to explain how they might relate to what could possibly happen with him before the end of the season.

Call #1

Do these two GIFs look familiar?

They should because Buck and Abe are both sitting in arm chairs that are suited for only one person and they mirror the way Buck’s life could end up if he lives it the way other people want him to instead of him living it the way he wants to. The darker color in the suede of Abe's chair is similar to the color of Buck's leather chair. Also, Abe's chair is outdated but he still uses it so he doesn't have to deal with Edna.

In 7x1, Abe just wanted to be at EASE with his life while sitting and relaxing in his chair but his wife wouldn’t let him.  He was trying to watch TV but she kept knit picking at everything he was doing.  She was doing the whole “pay attention to me or else I’ll force you to do it and make your life a living hell while I'm at it” dynamic and it was annoying AF. They had been married for more than 30 years and they never had any kids but they were also miserable.  They hated each other and it appears they were in a marriage neither of them wanted to be in.  After the 118 arrived, Edna said, “He loves that chair more than the loves me”.

Furthermore, they had a couch in their home but it was just sitting there which means ABE REFUSED TO SIT ON IT WITH HER.  He told Chimney the fighter jet should have put one of them out of their misery.

Was the depiction of their relationship reminiscent of one from season 5?  YES!

In 6x1, Bobby told Buck he needed to take inventory of his life so he could be at EASE and when he did, he sat in his chair but at the time, since he had already given TK the boot, he didn’t have to worry about her doing to him what Edna spent 30 years doing to Abe.  If Buck would have kept on clinging to TK, then that could have been his fate.  TK was shallow and wanted all the attention on herself the same way Edna did and she proved it with her raggedy and immoral journalistic behaviors.  She had planned to throw the 118 under the bus in 2x6 but she didn’t get the chance to do it then since the LAFD’s lawyers were more powerful than her news station’s lawyers.  However, she jumped at the opportunity to do it a second time in season 5 when she didn’t have anyone to stop her.

Abe’s relationship with Edna gave the audience a future flash forward of where Buck could end up if he follows what some GA viewers want him to do.  Before he died, in 6x2, Lev told him his life went by in a blur and it was the reason he went to the happiness convention with his friends.  Abe chose the life he felt like he was expected to live with a wife and a house too but based on the way he was acting; it clearly wasn’t something he would have chosen for himself.  And he was so far from being at ease that he was miserable.

Additionally, Edna was a combination of every woman Buck’s ever dated.  She was older and had red hair which coincides with AC.  She didn’t care about what Abe was doing because she wanted him to do what she wanted which coincides with TK and also, she had red hair.  She was frustrated with him and what he was doing which correlates her to AM, reminder she didn’t like Buck’s job which is the reason why she left him with a cast on his leg after the ladder truck explosion.  Finally, ND was fascinated by Buck’s death the same way Edna was fascinated by the fact that Abe might not be ok.  She cared more about the chair being out of her house than she did about his well-being.  Their lives were miserable but instead of ending their relationship, they clung to each other just like Buck and TK did in season 5.

IMO, the couple represented the life Buck would have if he follows the path some people in the GA want him to.  Believe it or not, there are still viewers who want everyone to do things the way they did them, i.e., get married, have a house, have kids and work a job until they die and instead of wanting Buck and Eddie to experience the true love they clearly share to flourish and grow, for WhAtEvEr ReAsOnS, they’d rather they stay in relationships with the women who wronged, abandoned and ignored them. It appears they're choosing not to see how much they love each other and they would prefer them to “stick it out” in relationships with people who clearly make them miserable.

Reminder, in 6x15, Buck told Eddie, “I still don't know how to act. I am different but I feel like I have to be the same old Buck, mostly for the sake of everyone else” and I’ve always believed he was saying that directly to the audience.  It was aimed at the women who wanted him to keep waiting around for AC or those who wanted him to stay with AM because she had an adult conversation with him before she dipped.  Then there are those who wanted him to stay with TK because she was career driven (that’s a bunch of BS because journalists can be driven in their careers without being immoral, vindictive, callous or using people to get popular by writing a crappy book) and then there are those who wanted Buck to stay with ND (I know this may be hard to believe but there are posts that indicate “he knew what he was getting into when he dated her” 🙄).  Like seriously, they wanted him to stay with her because in their minds, she was perfect for him but haven’t all his girlfriend’s stans said that?  They have and the question they should ask themselves is, why haven’t any of Buck’s relationships worked (related post linked here and here) instead of acting like the women who treated him poorly deserved to stick around.  Also, Buck’s a ticking time bomb waiting to explode the same way that dummy bomb would have if it had gone off. However, just like on the call, Eddie’s going to be there for Buck but it’s unclear when or if he’ll be able to stop it from happening.

Call #2

The burned car was still smoldering but it was also hollow and charred to the core.  IMO, it was included as a call that only Buck and Eddie were allowed to extinguish as a way to illustrate how it’ll take both of them working together to repair Buck’s charred, burned and smoldering insides.  Reminder, in 6x10 he was struck by lightning and he died which means he’s probably feeling hollow on the inside and I think he feels all cored out just like that burned car.  While they were in the locker room, it appeared he was ready to talk to Eddie about the way he feels which is the reason why he may have invited him to go out so they could be alone and he could speak freely.  But he backed off when Eddie mentioned “Big date” and reminder, Buck was the one who assumed Eddie had a date with M (more on this below) but Eddie was talking about Chris' date.

After Eddie left, the audience didn’t see Buck leave so apparently, he went somewhere but who knows where since he wasn’t shown again until the next time they were at work.  If they had gone together, it would have been a date but IIRC, other than the poker date in 6x13, every time Buck and Eddie hung out in the past, they were at Buck's loft or at Eddie’s house.  Additionally, Eddie admitted he’s a nester which means he’s ok with them staying in like they did when they played video games and drank beer in the past.  The one time they went to a bar together in 3x11 doesn’t count as a date because the rest of the 118 was there with Albert.  I think Buck was extending an olive branch and trying to let Eddie know he needed him the same way Eddie tried to let Buck know he needed him before his breakdown in season 5 but when he finally broke, Chris called Buck and he came running.  I’ve always wondered how it will play out if Buck breaks down while he’s alone in the loft and I have an idea of how it will happen but I haven’t decided if I’ll post it on here.

When they were done, the car owner asked, “Is it a total loss or is…?” and Buck responded, “Uh… not total.” then he smiled, held up a pine tree fragranced car freshener, which is symbolic of an actual family tree because of the ROOTS, then said, “Have a good day”.  Buck’s biological family roots are about to come into question AGAIN (related post about the Buckley parents other deep dark family secret linked here) and guess what?  When they do, it’s going to rock him to his CORE and the only person who’ll be able to help him is EDDIE!  Buck’s not a total loss as the phrasing in the scene alluded to and Eddie KNOWS that! However, Buck will need for Eddie to tell him that over and over again until he starts to believe it.

I think the confrontation OS mentioned that’s supposed to occur between Buck and Eddie will be in relation to Buck’s self-worth and how he views himself.  There are a lot of people who want to move on from the fact that Buck died and rightfully so since he along with the viewers had to endure an entire season of him not dealing with his issues.  But the truth is 9-1-1 hasn’t moved on from it either and even though TM said Buck’s ready to find happiness, the fact still remains that Buck hasn’t dealt with the reality of his own death.

IMO, he will find happiness when he’s in a relationship with Eddie and reminder, Eddie’s the one who’s always trying to encourage him.  He did it in 7x1 too after Buck said, “You don’t want him to end up like me” but Eddie was quick to respond, “You didn’t end up like you”.  It was soft, pure and so full of love that it took Buck’s breath away.

Now be honest, would AC, AM, TK or ND have said that to him?  The answer NO!

I stand by the things I included in a previous post because Connor and Kameron are supposed to return some time around or after 7x5 and that’s when I believe the proverbial $hit regarding Buck’s self-worth will hit the fan since it’s likely they’ll have some devastating news for him about the baby.  Then the Buckley parents are set to return for Maddie’s wedding and nothing good ever happens to Buck when they do so it's looking like a trifecta of bad news for Buck (related post linked here).

Other than the time he spent talking to Chris at Eddie’s house, Buck was only shown at work during the entire episode and I believe that was on purpose.  It’s unclear when he’ll be shown in the loft again but when he is, that could be when the audience sees he’s not doing as well as he’s trying to get people to believe.  It’s likely the way he really feels about the fact that he died will be shown and if he feels like that burned car… it’s not going to be pretty or pleasant.

Eddie KNOWS Buck’s not doing well but he’s not going to push him to talk just like he didn’t in 6x12.  He’s going to wait until Buck’s ready then, he’ll have the heart-to-heart talk with him the same way he always does.  Reminder, Eddie takes care of Buck (post linked here) while Buck listens to Eddie and makes him talk (post linked here).  In 7x1, Eddie said, “Welcome back to the land of the living Buck.  You were missed” and I kept wondering why he phrased it like that but then I realized it’s because he knows Buck hasn’t confronted the fact that he died but he’s not going to push him, he’ll wait until he says he’s ready then Eddie will be there to take care of him like he always is.

Make no mistake, Buck’s happiness is with Eddie but he thinks he’s off limits since he’s “dating” M (please understand I don’t think Eddie and M are "seriously dating" and that's based on RG's responses about the character of M in his interviews. I’ll do a separate post on it explaining how the show and the actors have explained it in so many words).

TM used two BOLD contrasts in the first episode, a chair and a car, to show Buck has to deal with his death and it’s likely he'll continue to include these types of metaphors until he does.  Also, TM's comment about Buck being tired of talking about dying seems to be a bait and switch and he's trying to get viewers to look away from Buck’s death so they’ll forget he’s been hiding it, then they’ll be blindsided by it when he finally breaks. Reminder, after the Madney wedding, there will still be 4 episodes left in the season and what exactly will TM fill them with🧐?

Will Buck finally deal with the fact that he died this season since he didn't in season 6?  Who knows but based on the chair and the car, it appears his process of dealing with it has just begun.

[frenziedslashers]

I Love You, And I Don't Say It Enough:

Pt. 2; Baby, It's Okay

Pairing: Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead) x Reader

Warnings: she/her pronouns used, possible ooc Daryl idk, PinV sex, unprotected sex (wrap that shit 👹), rough to soft sex, canon typical violence, mentions of character death. Not proofread.

About: This is set after Season 7 (meaning if you do not know who died Season 7 Episode 1, please do not read if you do not want spoilers.) This is a little fic about Daryl returning to Alexandria after escaping from Negan. I may have gotten some of the details wrong, but this was mostly for my own enjoyment. If you have a request you want to send in for him or another character, feel free. I will be making a master list for TWD and include the characters I write for here in the next few days!

REQUESTING INFO || TWD MASTERLIST

The past few weeks had been some of the toughest of your life. Not only did you witness two of your good friends die, but you knew that more blood would be shed along the way after theirs. You just didn't think it would be Daryl. He wasn't dead, not from what you knew, at least. They just took him from you. A man who's helped you survive since the beginning. A man who you grew very fond of, and he grew just as fond of you in return. You thought Alexandria brought hope to the future the both of you could share. You were wrong. At least in this moment you were so very wrong.

You screamed for them not to take him from you. It only made them laugh. Negan made a comment about wanting to take you, too. Make you his wife and Daryl have to watch him treat you like his. "I'll be back for ya, don't cry," was the last thing Daryl had said to you. It didn't stop your tears, if anything it only made them worse. What if that was the last time he would ever speak with you? The last time you'd ever see his face. What if he ended up like Glenn and Abraham... Or worse?

It felt like months had passed without him, but in reality. It was only about three, maybe four days. Living without him was lonely. Sure as hell a lot colder at night than having his furnace of a body cooped up next to you. When you saw him get off the truck, you nearly collapsed. His eyes looked tired, but they still searched for you. They still widened and looked at you with the same love and adoration as before. Negan was quick to stop the interaction when Daryl blurted your name and the both of you attempted to run for one another.

"Well," his smile, god. You'd give nothing more than to shoot it off his face. "Isn't this just adorable? Don't you think, Lucille?" He chuckled, walking up to you with a curious gaze. "We've got little miss Jane over here, and her man of a Tarzan over there." He spoke with a sigh. "Gross." He snickered, looking back at Daryl while circling around you. Placing his hands on your hips. Watching you flinch and Daryl fight with the people holding him back. "Don't touch 'er!" "Hey now, what did I say? None of that, or else I'll shut," He held his bat up close to your face. "That shit down." He spoke, voice getting lower and more stern with each word. Daryl understood, even if he didn't want to. Looking at you with a gaze that told you everything was going to be all right.

Negan chuckled again, leaning in close to press his nose against the side of your hair. Inhaling deeply, and then sighing. "Damn! Does your woman smell nice. Bet she tastes just as good, if yunno what I mean." He told Daryl with a sly grin. "Don't talk about 'er-" "Do you wanna see her brains on the pavement? Because I sure as hell don't! I've seen too many super hot wives die. No use wasting such a pretty face when she could maybe be yours again." Daryl glared, Negan looking back at you with a sigh and pursed lips. "You should really tame your dog. He's gonna bite someone someday."

After that, you had a sliver of hope. That maybe since they were letting him go on runs with them. That maybe Daryl could figure something out and get away. Maybe you'd wake up one night to Daryl climbing into bed with you. Pulling you close to one another and not saying a word. Just holding each other in silence.

Each passing day grew harder and harder. Each day without him felt like shit. Like it was a reminder that you would be alone. You came into this apocalypse alone. Everyone you ever knew and loved, dead. Then you would die alone. Everyone that you ever knew and loved being just as dead.

But then, it happened.

Everyone else saw him before you had. Hugging and reuniting with their friend. Their family. He didn't linger with anyone too long, though. His main priority was you. It was always you, and would always be. He had to make sure that you were safe. That he knew you were safe. "She's in the house. Up in your room. I think she's reading." Tara told him, and he nodded. Giving a soft thanks before racing off in order to find you. To hold you and never let go.

He crept up the stairs. His body trembling along with his breath. Doing his best to not be too fast and startle you, but the closer he got. The more he couldn't help himself. Finally reaching the door to your guys' room. Reaching out to touch the handle but to his surprise. It turned for him. Watching with cautious and wide eyes as the door opened and he was met with you. His girl. His woman. His wife. Though the two of you weren't official, nor did either of you talk about marriage. He considered you to be his spouse. May as well be since his eyes were only ever on you since they first saw you.

"Daryl," You didn't have time to say anything else. Cut off by Daryl pulling you in for a desperate kiss. He was never good with words, anyways.

The hunter was quick to get his point across too. About how much he missed you. How he wasn't about to let you go anytime soon, either. It didn't take long for him to push you onto the bed once the door was shut, and to have your clothes on the floor along with his own.

"Daryl," you called his name out, over and over like a soft prayer. Hands roaming one another's bodies with desperation. Pulling each other as close as you both could. Hungry mouths worked at either kissing anywhere they could reach or muttering soft nothings to one another.

Daryl was fairly rough with everything at first too. Like he was trying to tell you both that this was real. That he was here and so were you. His hips were fast. Each thrust within you deep and desperate. trying to chase what you both wanted. It was rough and fast, until it wasn't.

A slight worry set within you when his thrusts slowed, finally coming to a hault. His face buried in the crook of your neck. You were about to ask if you did something wrong until you heard the rigid and quiet sob that came from your lover. Frowning while your arms reached out to hold him. One hand on the back of his head, while the other rested on his back. Rubbing with soft motions while shushing him. Peppering the side of his head with kisses.

"Dar', honey, look at me. I'm here, you're back. Please, don't cry," you lulled, your eyes watering at the sound of his cries in your ear. You hated to hear or even see him cry, but you were glad that he did every so often. He was so good at bottling everything up. It scared you a lot of the time.

"Dar', sweetheart, please, look at me. Let me see you," He listened this time. Pulling away from your neck to look down at you. His blue eyes bloodshot. He had a black eye and a busted lip, which only made you frown more. Fingers tracing his face with your eyes. "Oh baby, what'd they do to you." He grunted, turning his face to get you to stop. "I thought I lost you," he muttered, a tear rolling down both of your faces this time. Your own lip quivering at his words. Everything finally setting in with both of you. "I thought I lost you too, Dixon." He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against your own.

"Did they touch you?" You shook your head, hands still holding the sides of his face. "No, think ya scared them too much," Daryl chuckled lightly at that. Opening his eyes to look at you again. "Yeah, maybe."

It was silent again. The both of you holding onto one another while staring back at each other. "I love you," you couldn't help but smile at his words. Running your fingers through his hair. Watching his eyes flutter shut and reluctantly open once more. You could easily put him to sleep by just playing with his hair. "I know you do, you have a way of telling me with your actions, always have. I love you too, mountain man." He rolled his eyes at the nickname and you chuckled. "I don't tell ya it enough, I love you. Really do. That's all I thought 'bout, too. That I don't tell ya it enough." He muttered, and you sighed. Resting your hands on his shoulders, rubbing them slightly. "Daryl, I told you. You say it without saying it. I know you do." He sighed with a nod, smiling faintly as you leant up to kiss the side of his mouth. Wanting to continue what the both of you started moments prior, but he wasn't done with his tangent. You wouldn't stop him though, you'd let him open up anytime he wanted to.

"All I could think about in there was you. If I'd see ya again. Hear ya," he spoke. "I was scared he'd.." He paused, breathing a bit heavily for a second as he thought. "Scared he'd take ya from me." "Dar', I'd go out fighting before I let him do anything to me." He chuckled, reaching up to brush some hair from your forehead. "That's what I was worried 'bout. If I lost you," "but you didn't, and I'm here. You're here. We're safe." "For now." You didn't say anything more after that. Only wrapping an arm around the back of his neck while staring up at him.

"I love you," he muttered again, and you nodded, leaning up to brush your lips against his. "I love you too, Daryl." He closed the gap between the both of you rather quick. Humming lowly into the kiss while rolling his hips against yours. Still nestled inside you.

It wasn't long before he was rolling his hips. Rolls turning into thrusts. He didn't move fast and rough like before, though. He took his time. Letting you know how much he loved and cared about you with his actions, again. His hand coming between the both of you to run his fingers between your folds. Your soft noises you released into his mouth were enough for him to continue. Lips traveling down to your neck. Leaving soft kisses and then love marks and bites. All while his fingers rubbed over your clit. Smirking softly as your hips bucked and rolled in order to chase your high, but Daryl didn't let you. No, not at first. He was dragging this out as long as he could.

"Wanna cum with ya," he muttered, kissing your collar bone with a groan. "Then do it," a growl left his throat at your words. Hips finally picking up to the speed the both of you were wanting. His finger rubbing a bit rougher on your bud. Not too harsh, but just enough it had your back arching off the bed. Hands grasping at him to ground yourself. One hand Tangling in his hair while the other clawed at his back. His lips came crashing on yours. Muffling the noises the both of you made as your bodies met their high.

You were the first to go, Daryl following right after. He came inside of you, but you didn't care. Not right now, at least. That was a problem to deal with later. Right now it was all about you and him. Holding each other after your highs became lows and you were both back on earth.

He pulled out, slowly. Doing his best not to hurt you, or himself in the overstimulated discomfort you were both in. "Wow," he looked at you with a brow raised as he used a Kleenex to wipe you both up. "I don't think we've fucked that hard in a while," you chuckled, and he chuckled back. Tossing the napkin into the bin before crawling back over you. A hand cupping the side of your face with a hum. "Ya tellin' me I only fuck good when one's of us nearly dies?" He asked, pressing a kiss to your lips. You shook your head, rubbing at his chest. "No, 'course not, we've just been..." "Busy?" You nodded, kissing him again. "Yeah," he sighed.

He finally laid next to you after tugging his shirt back on. Letting you pull your own and your underwear back on as well. Daryl kept the shirt on so no one would see his scars beside you. You were mostly dressed so if anything happened no one would see you nude. A precaution to keep both your and Daryl's minds easy.

Daryl pulled your body close to his own. Strong arms wrapped safely around your waist. "How 'bout we blame it on Rick." he muttered, and your brows furrowed, an amused smile on your lips. "What? Our sad sex life before today?" He chuckled, pressing another kiss to your lips. "Yeah. He's always got us doin' stuff. No time for me to fuck ya." You snorted, rolling your eyes while swatting at his chest. "Shut up and go to sleep, Dixon." He smiled, pulling your closer while resting his chin atop your head. "Love you," you smiled, kissing his throat with a tired sigh. "I love you, too. I'm glad you're safe and home." "Me too, darlin'."

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Oh this is going to hurt... a lot.

I should be worried if the first thing I do after an episode isn't open Photoshop. Normally, I would now recall the best scenes of the series and decide on a set… But not today, even though I have the time. I once wrote that when a series can no longer catch me, you can tell by the fact that I stop making gifs… Okay, sometimes I just don't have the time. But today… I wouldn't even know which scene to choose, because there was nothing that got me, nothing that excited me and nothing that I felt emotional connected to. Instead, I have a lot of thoughts in my head that all want to get out somehow.

After the over-emotionalization of the last episode, I had actually already given up on Last Twilight. And that really hurts to admit. I loved the series from the very first second and I just thought it was so good! The problem for me was that they tried to just touch the audience's tear triggers, their emotions, all of them. And they forgot that too much of a good thing is simply not good. For me, episode 11 was right on the edge of what was bearable and I still don't think Day did the "right" thing. You're allowed to argue in a relationship and hold different opinions and then talk about why you hold a certain point of view, for example. If the other person can't deal with it, if you can't find a compromise, then you have to take the consequences, yes. But that wasn't even done here.

Day insinuated that Mhok pitied him, didn't listen to Mhok's side and today we learn that Mhok really only felt pity? Really? And that he is happy Day broke up with him so he could grow? Really? That is so fucking stupid. Day has problems with pity, that's understood and ok, but it's also ok for Mhok to make his own priorities in life and decide for himself not to want to leave, but to stay with the person he loves. But Day took that decision away from him. They could have talked about it. Different perspectives can also make a big difference. But no. Day pushes Mhok away and Mhok lies to Day… But back to tonight's episode. I was actually done with last week (yeah nope, I know). You can see that they tried to find a highly emotional ending that everyone seems to agree with and can cry into their handkerchiefs. The number of fuck yous I hurled at my laptop today shows me that the trick didn't work on me. It was all so over-emotionalized that it just felt fabricated and fake. And that's so sad, because the show felt so fucking real until episode 10. And now it was a weird cliché-ridden cringe-fest.

Honestly, if I had been dumped like Mhok and then ignored for three years, the time I spend thinking about that person would be really wasted. I'd be so fucking angry (probably not anymore after three years, I just wouldn't care). But Mhok immediately starts flirting. They pick up where they left off, but there's three years and thousands of kilometers between them. Unrealistic for me. And then Mhok just carries on, whispering to Day about what's happening and what's going on and just acting like his boyfriend again, holding his hand, helping him get dressed, showing him where everything is. I was a bit surprised that he didn't feed him. And Day is confused and just smiles. I think as a viewer I was the only person who was angry at the end. There were no bad emotions. Nothing. And that felt so fucking wrong!

And then comes the wedding and talk of second chances and of course Day says no because he's too scared someone will take pity on him. Yeah, fuck man, shit happens. and Mhok can't or won't give up. An emotional chase begins and the bride and groom leave their own wedding for the two of them and I lost faith in everything. And of course the plane is gone and of course they're all checked in because the passport was scanned and of course Mhok turned around and went back and of course he clued Night in and of course they end up doing the same dance they did back then and of course the family watches them get back together. And of course the series ends with a bunch of sugary sweet scenes from "call me mom" to sunset and let's repeat this most beautiful and heartbreaking moment from the past epsiode without any emotional impact. It was so predictable and so, I'm sorry, so bad. I'm so angry! And of course he gets his sight back. After all, what kind of a message would it be if Day remained blind? Is that possible? That a blind protagonist can find happiness and love and lead a successful life? No, it's not possible. He has to be able to see again. He has to become normal again in order to lead a normal life. What a shitty message! Damn!

Sometimes less really is more. Not everything has to be perfect and normal. At least that's the lesson I thought I should learn from this series.

If anyone has any gif requests, my inbox is open, but I don't think I'll be making any on my own. At least not today and not with this anger in my stomach.

[penny00dreadful]

Inspired by this conversation from Campaign 2 - Episode 85 of Critical Role

Robin slammed their drinks down on the table and fell into the booth next to Steve. The loud music, the crush of bodies up on the dance floor and the low light would be enough to keep their conversation mostly private no matter how loud they got.

“Alright.” She slid over a poisonous looking shot and turned to him. “Dish the dish, bish!”

Steve wrinkled his nose but knocked the shot back anyway. Maybe it was a sign of how much he’d already drank or maybe it was a sign of just how unhinged his teenage years had been but it went down much easier than he thought it would. He needed to get a solid buzz going anyway, Chrissy and Eddie would be arriving soon and he didn’t think he’d be able to get through a whole night of watching Eddie flirt with strangers again without something strong in his blood.

“I might have a similar problem.”

Robin looked at him confused. “Wait, you’re into Chrissy too?”

Steve was scandalised. “No!”

“Gross!”

“No!”

“You were a jock, she was a cheerleader, oh my god this is too hetero for me to be even having this conversation-”

“No, not Chrissy!” Steve shouted in fond frustration, cutting her off.

“Oh,” she said, immediately deflating from her outburst and shooting right back around to thirsty for information, “who?”

He stared at her for a moment, grimacing, trying to figure out how he would delicately reveal his crushing and all consuming infatuation.

Her eyes widened the longer he stared.

“Me?!” She shrieked.

“No!” He shrieked right back, appalled.

“Oh, it’s me!” Robin threw her hands into her hair and turned fully to face him. “This is your way of telling me! Oh my god, Steve, we’ve been through this-”

“Shut up! Shut up!” He shouted, thudding his head against their table before turning his head to look at her, lowering his volume and whisper shouting. “It’s- it’s Eddie!”

She definitely hadn’t heard him but had clearly understood the way his lips formed around the name and her eyes nearly popped out of her head.

“Wait, what?!” Her whole body went reeling. “I’m sorry, what?!” She grabbed him by the scruff like a misbehaving cat and hauled him back upright.

Steve slumped under her hold and shrugged. “It's just kind of, I don't know. It's just a crush, I just don't know what to do with it.”

“Wait, what?!” Robin repeated, glancing up and staring across the dance floor where Chrissy had appeared near the bar, scanning for them. “Three more!” Robin shouted at her, throwing a hand up with three fingers lifted when their eyes met. “Three more rounds!”

“Each!” Steve called. He didn’t know what Chrissy saw in their faces, maybe it was desperation or just the possibility of juicy gossip but even though she couldn’t have heard them so far away, she grinned and nodded, turning back to the bar.

Steve rounded on Robin, bringing their faces close together and poking her in the chest. “If you fucking tell anybody-”

Robin was completely unphased. ���Of course I’m not gonna tell anyone! You know- look at this face!” She said, bringing Steve’s finger up to rest on her nose and doing a terrible job of biting down on her grin.

“You tell everybody everything!”

His soulmate had the worst poker face he’d ever seen.

“I’m cool.”

“You are gonna let it slip.”

“No! Of course not!”

Steve slouched in his seat with a petulant fake pout. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“Wait, what about him?” She nudged at his shoulder. “For me…” Robin looked out across the bar again where Chrissy was lining up their drinks on a tray. “It’s her cute little nose and her thighs-”

“Are you talking about Chrissy again?”

“Yesyesyes.” She replied with an air of ‘keep up’ “its her sweetness and kindness and unflappably positive outlook. But she could also get mean if she has to-” Robin didn’t seem to be entirely aware that the woman she was watching slowly make their way over to them was not just a figment of her fantasies but was actually here and would soon be involved in the conversation.

He wasn’t too worried about Chrissy finding out about his crush, she probably already knew if the looks she’d been giving him the past few weeks were anything to go by.

“What is it about him?”

Steve dragged his eyes away from Chrissy and back to Robin, twirling his empty shot glass on the table, contemplating.  “He's fun, he makes me laugh, I like his ridiculous… everything. I think he's complicated and layered.” He glanced up as Chrissy set the tray down. “I don't know.”

“That’s cool.” Robin said, her voice uncharacteristically soft amongst the loudness.

“I’m not gonna act on it or anything!” Steve’s eyes bounced between the two girls. Chrissy seemed to pick up on what was happening immediately, sitting with her elbows on the table, leaning in while Robin stared at him disbelievingly, like he’d just said the most ridiculous thing imaginable.

“I wouldn’t have thought he'd be your type.” She said, giving him clemency and changing the thread of the conversation.

“I don’t think… he thinks… that I’m his type…” Steve replied with a crease in his brow, all the male pronouns in that sentence were confusing the shit out of him. 

“So you’re telling me you’re not serious about this? That’s it’s just a crush, that this is not a thing-”

“Yeah, of course!” He exclaimed, not even believing himself and from the looks of it the two girls, they didn’t believe him either.

“Because what if… all he does is go on about how his love life is hopeless. What if he doesn’t even know what he likes?” Robin waggled her eyebrows at him, clearly insinuating that he should pursue.

Steve snorted, reaching for one of the multiple shots Chrissy set down. “I’ve had that fantasy.” He tried to make a light joke out of it but it was all too real in his own head. The amount of times he’d thought about introducing Eddie to all the shit he liked to have done to him in the bedroom and all the things he liked to do in return was downright obsessive.

He knocked his shot back at the same time the two girls did. The drink was definitely getting to him and Robin wasn’t far behind. They were entering Stage 4 Drunk.

Whimsy.

“He could be lost,” Robin squished his cheeks in between her hands, “he could be at sea right now, and you could be the anchor that brings him home.”

Steve nodded. “I could be the flame in the darkness.”

Chrissy was looking endlessly entertained. “I don't think that's how anchors work. Anchor brings you to the bottom, if I recall. Be the anchor that brings him to the bottom.”

But Robin just looked at her like she was agreeing with everything they said, barrelling forward. “What if he's lost because he doesn't know that you're what he's looking for? He thinks he likes-” she waved her arm out to the bodies on the dance floor.

Steve nodded. “I could be his beacon…” he downed the shot, the sharp tangle of alcohol shocking the whimsy out of him. “I need to stop saying these things.” He shook his head. “No, these aren’t any of these things anyway so like… it’s just this- I’m already-”

“It could totally be a possibility.” Robin yanked on his arm.

“It’s not a possibility-”

“But maybe it is.” She insisted with a look in her eye that he did not like.

“No.”

“Don’t worry.” She ran a hand clumsily through his hair, leaning in conspiratorially. “I’ll do some work.”

“nO!” Steve screamed helplessly while Chrissy cackled. “NO!”

But Robin was already nodding to herself. “I’ll find something I can do here.”

“No, Robin! Confiding! This was an exercise in confiding!”

She grinned at him like she was in on some big secret, darting two fingers between their eyes while Steve stared despondent. “I see what you’re getting at.”

“It's very black and white, it's just don't tell the secrets.” He tried to impress upon her, grabbing her hand which was still moving between them. “It's not that I'm getting at anything, it's just that this stays between us.” He glanced over at Chrissy who was looking wildly entertained. “This is our girl thing, okay?”

“Hey, but no matter what, we're not letting this break up the three of us.” Robin used her free hand to draw a circle around the three of them.

“No, absolutely not. We’re ride or die. It's not going to change anything.”

“No.” Robin nodded, seemingly satisfied but Steve still felt like his sanity was still in danger.

“Don't let it change anything.” He pleaded.

“It won't.” She grinned, all misplaced confidence and see-through casual exterior. “I will behave the same.”

“You’re already not.” He insisted, looking at her wide ‘I have a secret’ smile.

“Cool as a cucumber.”

“Oh my god.” Steve grabbed two more shots off the tray, knocking one back but the second was plucked from his grip.

Eddie wedged himself into the tiny amount of space beside Steve, his stolen shot disappearing down his throat.

“What are we talking about? Buckley’s got her ‘I have a secret’ smile on.”

Robin was staring at Eddie wide eyes with a huge grin on her face and if she thought she was being subtle she was fucking delusional. 

Shit.

Steve knew from past experience she was about five minutes away from accidentally outing his big stupid fuck off crush so he had to deal with this himself.

He shoved Eddie out of the booth, calling a quick “Going out for a smoke!” over his shoulder and dragging him by the hand towards the back.

Steve wasn’t sure how long they stayed gone, but after two cigarettes each and something wild and intense in the bathroom afterwards, he found he didn’t really care.

[chemicallywrit]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! School is out for me, so I can finally rest. Oh man. I needed the rest. It's great to sit there an not move, isn't it? And I got to listen to so many good podcasts this week as well, it really made the last week of school a treat. Let's take a look:

🍔 I feel like every new episode of @midnightburgr is a precious little gem, and this one is no different. I love getting to see pre-found-family Casper. You can't escape the found family, idiot, get cherished! It's been good to watch his character development throughout the show, and then seeing this little missing piece of it that he doesn't quite remember answers several questions about him. I love him. He's the worst and I love him. Alongside each of the three sisters, this season is promising to be absolutely fascinating.

📼 Oh The Magnus Protocol, you never disappoint. I want to run this episode by the teenagers I know to see what they think of it, because I understood what the influencer was saying, but I know many adults who absolutely would not. Like, I'm on this website. Meanwhile, Alice rejecting help is setting her up for something truly awful and I dread what her fate may be. It's delicious.

👻 @monstrousproductions's Travelling Light is often so soft and good--I neglected to include last week's episode on the AD Sunday write-up, like a FOOL, even though it made me CRY--but this episode settles into a gorgeous little ghost story that's honestly the logical conclusion of creative sentients in space. I loved it. On top of that, there's this tiny morsel of Óli's backstory that I am DYING to know more about. I can't wait for the next ep.

🪲 @cryptonature always hits just right, but this last episode was everything I want in the world. MOSS TIDE MOSS TIDE MOSS TIDE

🧛🏻‍♂️What a treat it is to listen to @re-dracula along with everyone this year. I am loving everyone's analysis and thoughts this go-round and I am once again appreciating the work of Ben Galpin and Karim Kronfli in creating just the most horrific character dynamic. I know droughtula is imminent, so there's still plenty of time to catch up. Join us, join us, join us--

✂️ In Hannah news, Inn Between is starting to wrap up for the season! This week brings the penultimate episode, which is definitely totally fine and won't bode ill for any beloved party members of the Lowlifes. We'll also see the last episode of "Run Rabbit" on The Dead, and I'm so pleased with my actors' work, so I can't wait to hear what the sound wizards have done with it.

Hey! This week is better than last as far as finances go--thanks to my beloveds for helping out--but if you like what I make or enjoyed reading this, would you consider leaving me a tip?

See y'all next week!

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

jealousy, jealousy // ben barnes

Summary: Ben was eager to catch the latest episode of your tv show. However, a surprising scene featuring you and your co-star sparked a heated argument.

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: jealousy, insecurities, angst, implied smut, a bit suggestive at the end but nothing too graphic

A/N: As always, remember English is not my first language. This isn’t proofread, so I apologize for any grammatical errors this may have

main masterlist  |  ben barnes masterlist

It was Friday. 

And that meant it was movie night with your boyfriend.

From the early stages of your relationship, you both established a beautiful tradition of spending Friday evenings in the cozy confines of your apartment, indulging in a delightful combination of film, pizza, and delectable treats.

This tradition had become an unwavering commitment over the past three and a half years— a steadfast ritual that neither of you dared to skip.

Even when circumstances forced you to be apart, such as being away filming, you still respected this tradition. You would connect via Skype or Zoom, syncing up the start of the movie in your respective locations. As the film played out on your screens, you would engage in lively discussions, intertwining conversations about the movie with updates on your day.

You guessed it was one of the things that made your relationship work so well — the commitment and the effort you both put in right from the beginning.

In the early days, your friends warned you that dating another actor would be a recipe for disaster. They believed that the constant filming and conflicting schedules would pose insurmountable challenges, leaving little room for quality time together. But those naysayers couldn't have been more wrong. 

Your relationship with Ben flowed so easily. Of course, there have been setbacks along the way, but you have faced them together. Like a team.

And you have never been happier. 

He understood you on a level that no one else did. He listened to your thoughts, your dreams, and your fears without judgment or interruption. With him, you felt comfortable opening up about anything and everything, knowing that he would always provide a safe space for you to share. He seemed to know your needs before you even expressed them, always anticipating how to make you feel loved and supported. He was attentive, empathetic, and patient, consistently demonstrating that he genuinely cared about your happiness. It was refreshing and exhilarating to actually feel seen and heard. He was everything you had ever wanted in a romantic partner.

Now, going back to your movie night… Things weren’t going the way you expected.

“I thought we could bend the rules a bit tonight,” Ben suggested once you were settled on the couch, pizza at the ready, and Netflix on the screen.

Intrigued yet cautious, you paused your scrolling and fixed your gaze on him. “What do you mean?” you asked, confused, not understanding what he meant.

His arm casually draped over the back of the couch as he got closer to you; his eyes sparkled with mischief, and a mischievous grin played on his lips.

You could tell he was up to no good.

“Maybe we could watch a TV show instead?” he suggested, the innocent tone of his voice didn’t match his face. “Your show. The latest episode aired just yesterday,” he clarified. 

A groan escaped your lips. “Really, Ben? You know I don’t like to see myself on TV.”

But then, he unleashed his puppy dog eyes and his best pout, and you were completely under his spell. 

It was as if his eyes held an invisible power, drawing you closer and coaxing a smile from your lips. Surrender was inevitable; his adorable charm had effortlessly won you over.

You rolled your eyes. “Alright.” You accepted the surrender.

A triumphant grin spread across his face as he pumped his fist in the air, a glimmer of excitement shining in his eyes. He eagerly pulled you closer, wrapping you in his embrace, and planting a tender kiss on your lips.

This was another thing you loved about your boyfriend—how supportive he was of your career. It didn't matter if your roles were small in movies, TV shows, or any project you were part of; he was always genuinely thrilled to see them. He was genuinely proud of every accomplishment you made, no matter how big or small. The sight of his radiant smile as he watched you on-screen never failed to fill you with immense joy. His unwavering support was a constant reminder that you were truly blessed to have him in your life.

You were the same with him. Just as he cheered you on in your acting career, you reciprocated his unwavering support in his. From the smallest role to the most significant breakthrough, you were always there, eagerly anticipating his performances on the big screen. The excitement in your heart swelled as you witnessed his talent come alive, immersing yourself in the characters he portrayed.

You cherished the moments when you saw him on screen—the familiar sound of his voice, the spark in his eyes, and the passion he brought to every role. His talent captivated you, just as it did to countless others. And with each new project he took on, your admiration for his craft grew deeper.

It wasn't just about the successes. You were there for each other during the auditions, the callbacks, and the moments of self-doubt. You provided the other a shoulder to lean on, offering encouragement and reminding each other of your incredible talent when you both needed it most. You understood the industry's ups and downs, and your belief in your abilities never wavered.

“Alright, alright,” you chuckled, gently pushing him back as he started peppering your face with sloppy kisses. “I’ve already agreed; no need for bribes.”

Ben chuckled and planted one last peck on your cheek before settling comfortably on the couch. He grabbed the remote and switched the streaming platform, searching for your show.

The show was called ‘Behind Closed Doors’. It delved into the tumultuous life of Amelia Hartfield, a young woman forced into an unwanted marriage with Sebastian Whitmore, the scion of a wealthy family, all due to dire financial circumstances. Not only did Amelia harbor reservations about this union, but her own sister harbored a forbidden love for her soon-to-be husband and was willing to go to any lengths to eliminate her as a rival. 

As the opening credits rolled on the screen, Ben's leg began to bounce with fervent anticipation.

“Why are you so excited? It’s just me.”

Ben turned to you with a playful grin. “It’s not just you. It’s Amelia and the mess her life is. She was forced to marry a man she doesn’t love, and, in case you haven’t watched the episode from last week, which you haven’t, her sister tried to kill her! If it wasn’t because Sebastian was there, she would be dead!”

You chuckled. “You know she can’t die, right? She’s the main character.”

He playfully rolled his eyes. “Always so humble.”

“Anyways, Sebastian admitted to his friend that his feelings for Amelia are genuine. And guess what? Isabella, Sebastian's childhood friend who secretly harbored feelings for him, overheard his confession. And at the end of the episode, she joined forces with Amelia's sister to hatch a sinister plan to end Amelia's life.”

You found it amusing how he narrated the story as if you weren't already familiar with every twist and turn.

“I think you got yourself too invested in this show,” you chuckled, attempting to snatch the remote from his grasp. “You’re starting to take this to another level.”

“No, no. I promise I won’t get too caught up! I promise!” He gripped your waist tightly, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his childish antics.

Gently extracting yourself from his tight grasp, you managed to retrieve the remote from his hand and playfully held it out of his reach. “Alright, Mr. Overly Enthusiastic, let's watch the episode. But you better behave, or I’ll turn it off.”

Ben's eyes sparkled with mischief as he feigned innocence. “I always behave. I promise to keep my reactions in check.”

You settled back on the couch, leaning against Ben's side as he draped his arm around your shoulder.

As the episode unfolded, you started to regret agreeing to watch it. You remember filming it. At the end, your character, Amelia, and Sebastian, who was portrayed by Bill Skarsgård, laid bare their emotions and consummated their desires in a rather explicit manner, devoid of any subtle undertones.

Both being actors, you and Ben came up with a mutual agreement to disclose whenever a steamy scene was to be filmed. This arrangement was born out of a desire to fortify the foundation of trust between you both. And so, even if it is acted, no one wants to see their partner being intimate with someone else. You both have followed this rule for years, but for some reason, you forgot to mention this scene to Ben. And you knew it was going to lead to an awkward and uncomfortable moment, and, quite possibly, into a fight you didn't want to have.

It was too late to turn it off now.

As the scene unfolded on the screen, a knot formed in your stomach. You could sense the tension building, knowing that the explicit nature of the scene would undoubtedly make things awkward between you and Ben. Your gaze discreetly darted towards him, studying his reactions with keen interest.

At first, he appeared engrossed in the storyline, his eyes fixated on the screen. But as the scene progressed, his expression shifted, and you could see a flicker of discomfort in his eyes. His grip on your shoulder tightened ever so slightly, and you knew he had realized the nature of the scene.

A whirlwind of emotions swept through your mind. On one hand, you empathized with Ben's potential unease, realizing that you would feel the same if the roles were reversed. On the other hand, a pang of guilt pierced your heart for neglecting to give him a heads-up about the explicit content. You desperately wanted to shield him from any unnecessary discomfort.

When the episode ended, you reached for the remote and turned off the TV. Swallowing your own apprehension, you took a deep breath and mustered up the courage to address the situation. “Honey... I'm sorry. I should have told you about this scene beforehand. It completely slipped my mind.”

Ben's face remained impassive, his gaze deliberately averted from yours as he digested your words. A heavy silence settled between you, filled with unspoken tension. The air in the room suddenly felt thick, and you could sense his growing frustration.

Finally, he let out a sigh and turned to face you, his expression tinged with disappointment. “You should have told me, Y/N. We made a promise, remember? To always let each other know about intimate scenes in our projects. I thought we had each other's backs.”

Guilt washed over you as his words sank in. He was right. You had broken the agreement you both had made, and now you were facing the consequences of that oversight. You had let him down, and the weight of your mistake hung heavily in the room.

“I know, Ben,” you said, your voice filled with remorse. “I messed up, and I'm truly sorry. It was an oversight on my part, but I truly forgot. I understand why you're upset, and I want you to know that I didn't do it intentionally. I value our trust, and I don't want to jeopardize it.”

Ben's gaze softened slightly, but his disappointment was still evident. “Trust is important to me, Y/N. It's the foundation of our relationship, both on and off the screen,” he expressed, his voice carrying a tinge of sorrow. “When we made that agreement, it was about ensuring that we never had to see each other being intimate with someone else. It's not just about the physical act, but the emotional impact it can have.” 

For a brief moment, you thought this would be solved without an argument, but then he spoke again.

“I mean, do you think it was fun for me watching you naked, moaning under Bill Skarsgård while you seemed to actually enjoy it?”

“Actually enjoy it? Are you serious right now?” You raised your voice, your body heating up with anger. “I can't believe you would even suggest that I found any pleasure in that scene,” you fired back, your frustration seeping into your words. “As an actor, it's my job to portray the character and the emotions they go through. Just because it looked intimate on screen doesn't mean it was enjoyable for me. You, of all people, should understand this. It was a professional commitment, and I take my work seriously.”

Your heart raced with a mix of anger and hurt. You had always been open and honest with each other, but this situation was testing the boundaries of trust and understanding. The fact that Ben would question your commitment to the relationship and your professionalism stung deeply.

“Oh, so I’m the problem now? I’m the one overreacting?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s not what I said. Are you even listening to me?”

“I’m listening. And you’re acting as if it’s okay that you filmed this and didn’t tell me about it.”

“I’ve already told you that I forgot!”

“It’s a sex scene, Y/N! How on earth does something like that just slip your mind?” His body tensed, and he began pacing the living room, intensifying the already charged atmosphere.

The room crackled with mounting tension as Ben's frustration reached its peak. His restless footsteps reverberated, amplifying his exasperation. The sheer force of his anger seemed to permeate the air, causing a tumult of emotions to swirl within you.

“I mean, come on, Y/N,” Ben continued, his frustration evident in his voice. “Bill Skarsgård is like every woman's fantasy. He's tall, handsome, and let's not forget those intense blue eyes of his. It's no wonder women all over the world swoon over him.”

You crossed your arms, annoyance bubbling up inside you. “Are you seriously comparing yourself to Bill? Is that what this is about? You being jealous?”

Ben stopped in his tracks, his eyes narrowing as he glanced at you. “You can't deny that he’s attractive, can you? I mean, let's be real here. He's a Hollywood heartthrob, and women drool over him.”

“Don’t make this about Bill or any other external factors. This is between you and me. I'm committed to you, and my love and dedication for you don't waver just because I have to portray intimate scenes on screen.”

“Is it just an intimate scene, or there’s more to it, Y/N?” Ben's frustration seemed to dissipate slightly, replaced by a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. He paused for a moment before speaking again, his voice softer this time. “You and Bill have spent a lot of time together on set, and it's natural for connections to form. Do you think he sees you solely as a friend and co-star?”

You let out a heavy breath, recognizing the depth of his insecurities. “Ben, I understand why you might have these concerns, but I want to assure you that my relationship with Bill is strictly professional. We work together, we act together, but that's where it ends. Just as I have complete trust in you, I expect the same trust from you. Accusing me of having feelings for Bill based on a scene we filmed is unfair.”

Your words hung in the air, the weight of the situation becoming more apparent. The room fell into silence as both of you processed the intensity of the argument. You could see the conflict in Ben's eyes—a battle between his insecurities and his love for you.

He let out a frustrated sigh, his voice laced with desperation. “I know it's irrational, but I can't help but imagine all the things that could happen on set. You think I haven’t seen the comments of people praising your chemistry? Emotions can get blurred. It scares me, Y/N.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you listened to your boyfriend’s words. You had never seen him like this before, vulnerable and scared. It broke your heart to see the person you loved so deeply consumed by jealousy and fear.

Drawing nearer to him, you reached out and gently took his hand in yours, hoping to offer him some comfort. “Honey, I understand that it's natural to feel insecure sometimes, especially in our line of work. But you have to trust me when I say that my heart belongs to you and you alone. There is no one else who holds the place you do in my life.”

Ben's grip on your hand tightened, and his gaze met yours, searching for reassurance.

“Ben, you are more than enough for me, and I love you with all my heart. I chose you, and I choose you every single day. I want to build a future with you, and nothing will ever change that,” you continued, your voice filled with sincerity. “I can't control what others say or the fantasies they may have, but I can assure you that my feelings for you are unwavering. I'm committed to our relationship, and I want us to face any challenges together. If you ever feel insecure or have concerns, I'm here to listen and support you.”

Tears trickled down Ben's cheeks as he listened to your heartfelt words. The weight of his insecurities seemed to lessen, replaced by a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“I'm sorry, my love,” he whispered, his voice filled with remorse. “I let my fears get the best of me, and I allowed them to cloud my judgment.”

You gently brushed away his tears, your touch soothing. “We all have moments of insecurity, and it's okay. What matters is that we address them and work through them together.”

Ben nodded, his eyes filled with love and relief. “I never want to lose you, Y/N,” he admitted with a shaky voice. “You're my everything.”

“And you're mine,” you whispered before pulling him into a warm embrace.

A sensation of calm rushed through you as you held each other tight. At that moment, the world seemed to melt away, leaving only the two of you in a cocoon of serenity.

“Besides,” you began as you stepped back, “Bill doesn’t stand a chance next to you.”

“And why’s that?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, his voice tinged with curiosity.

“Well, by now, you should already be aware that I like my men with floppy dark hair, beautiful dark eyes, and, most importantly… British.”

A soft chuckle escaped Ben's lips, his eyes twinkling with delight. “Ah, so it's the accent that does it for you, huh?”

You nodded, playfully poking his side. “Absolutely. It's impossible to resist.”

He pulled you closer, his arms enveloping you in a warm embrace. “Well, lucky for me, I happen to possess that irresistible quality. Though, I must warn you, it can be quite addictive.”

A genuine smile blossomed on your face, the warmth of the moment washing over you. “Yes, you definitely do.”

Ben’s lips drew closer to yours, the warmth of his breath brushed against your cheek, causing your heart to quicken in response. With a gentle touch, his lips grazed yours, leaving behind a tantalizing blend of mint and his unmistakable essence, intoxicating your senses.

Breaking the kiss, you couldn't resist the mischievous grin that crept onto your lips.

“Oh, and have I mentioned what an exceptional kisser you are? You certainly have a way with it,” you playfully teased, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. 

A chuckle escaped him, his cheeks turning a shade of crimson. “You're really boosting my ego here, sweetheart.”

“Just stating the facts... Oh, and should I also mention your incredible skill with your hands, like—”

He cut you off, closing the gap between you again. His lips molding perfectly against yours, as if they were made for each other. And in a surge of fervor, the kiss deepened, growing more passionate and filled with intensity.

Your fingers traced the contours of his face, while his touch ignited a fire within you, sending shivers down your spine.

With a swift motion, Ben's strong arms enveloped your thighs, effortlessly lifting you off the ground. You eagerly wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling an exhilarating surge of warmth and electricity pass between you. His hand tightened its grip on your body as your kiss intensified, and your fingers instinctively tangled themselves in his hair. A soft moan escaped his lips as you tugged gently on his silky locks.

Reluctantly, you broke the kiss, your foreheads lightly brushing. Both of you were left breathless, but your hearts overflowed with contentment. The worries and insecurities that had clouded your conversation melted away.

“I love you,” he breathed, his words melting against your lips.

“I love you too, Ben,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. “You mean the world to me.”

He lowered you back to the ground, but his arms remained securely wrapped around you. 

“Wanna watch that movie like we originally planned?”

Your boyfriend shook his head. “I have other ideas in mind.”

You noticed the glint of mischief sparking in his onyx eyes. 

“Oh, and what would those ideas be?” You inquired, playing along.

A devilish smile played on his lips as he leaned in, planting a trail of kisses on your neck. The intensity of his touch awakened a fiery passion within you.

“You, in bed, naked, under me… and on top of me. In any position…No limits, no boundaries. Just pure, unadulterated pleasure,” he murmured, his voice low and husky against your ear.

Heat flushed through your body. Your heart pounded in your chest, sending a thrilling shiver down your spine at the mere sound of his words. The rush of excitement that overwhelmed you was intoxicating.

"Sounds like a perfect plan to me," you whispered, your voice filled with desire.

He lifted you effortlessly into his arms again, and carried you toward the bedroom where passion consumed both of you for the rest of the night.

[yourlocalrandombisexual]

alright so i’ve been seeing the watcher posts and gathering my thoughts so i’m gonna put all my watcher stuff in one big post under the cut cause it’s gonna get long and i need to get this out of my head.

i will say 99% of the fandom was expecting a fun, exciting, omg can’t wait for it type of announcement and seeing the title and thumb nail for the first time made me really nervous.

also, side note, why on earth would they choose a thumbnail of the three of them sitting on a couch like that with the title “goodbye youtube”?? just the imagery alone makes you think of the try guys and their now infamous video like why would you want that comparison right out the gate before you even say anything?? super weird choice.

then the video is all nostalgic and wistful, clips of steven’s, ryan’s, and shane’s, pre-buzzfeed youtube videos and i’m thinking “did someone die cause this feels like a video obit” none of this calmed my nerves and made me more anxious about what could be coming. and then we all know what happened next, they announce that they’re paywalling everything yada yada yada

and after seeing everyone else’s takes and the general vibe of the fandom being “fuck watcher” it continues to baffle me why they thought this was gonna go over well. because to me it feels like they went from “yay we have our own youtube channel” to “give us your cash we’re a media empire” and missed A LOT of steps in between.

and i dunno maybe watcher did try to change things and tweak their business model and things weren’t getting better but as a fan and someone who watches a lot of different youtubers you kinda see this one coming. like creators drop little crumbs beforehand to gauge how people will take it or they try weird series/shows that have like 3 episodes to see what their audience is more interested in. there are a signs as a fan you can see but i think one of the reasons this went so badly for watcher is because it was so far out of left field. there was never a hint that the youtube model wasn’t working for them.

but again maybe they did try x, y, and z without it working or being transparent about it and if they were trying things why not lean into that to garner compassion from fans? we all know the youtube algorithm sucks and if they had started the video talking about the things they tried and how nothing was working and how much it sucked to leave youtube i think people would’ve understood. then they could’ve had shane talk about how subscriptions suck and there are too many of them and they tried to find another solution but couldn’t. now not only do i have sympathy for what there going through i had my feelings validated. then they could’ve gone into why this is better and what i’m going to get out of it as a consumer.

like it’s not that hard. but instead the vibe i got from them was a real palpable relief that they were leaving youtube which felt like a slap in the face.

and while i don’t agree with the steven bashing at all i do think it’s a little bit funny that they kinda dug themselves into that hole with their end of the year behind the scenes video they put out last fall. they really painted steven as a genius ceo while ryan and shane are just on screen talent. so while i feel for what steven is going through they kinda put themselves in that position.

all of this to say that it doesn’t feel like they hired anyone to field this idea by or do any kind of market research at all and the vibe that i’ve always kinda gotten from watcher is one where they want to jump over the messiness and growing pains of being a new small business and be established. be this huge force a la dropout/college humor without putting in the time to get there. and i do think watcher showed it’s true colors here where they only think of fans as cash cows they can deposit whenever.

and just the arrogance of thinking their fans will follow them to a subscription and trying to spin it as it being the same thing as leaving buzzfeed drives me up the wall. it’s not the same.

anyway i think that’s it. if i think of anything else ill edit this post ✌️

[eternalglitch]

Hi! I've been following your story since probably the 5th chapter (I'm not sure exactly), and it's absolutely amazing! I ran across the anamatic for it first, and I wasn't entirely sure what I was looking at. I had only ever known the 2007 movie version of tmnt. And then the description said it came from your story, and I love reading, so I checked it out. There, it said to watch the show first, and I was like, nahhhh. It'll be fine. I know the characters, the 4 boys, splinter, Casey and April, the Shredder. What more was there?

Oh boy. As soon as I read the name Draxum, I was confused. I thought maybe I was misremembering Shredders real name. But then who was Big Mama?

So I caved and went to find the show.

I was the same as everyone else who started it. "What in the world did they do to them?!" I really didn't like Splinter. The designs of the boys were so weird. Why was Raph acting so childish? The whole caboodle.

But I was informed by anime watchers years prior that when you first start a show, you need to give it the 3 episode test: watch the first three episodes before you give your final verdict. The first three are vital for the show writers and artists and producers to play with and figure out how the show is going to move forward and what style they'll fall into. They have the first three episodes to gently flush out who the characters are without bombing the watchers with info. So I did.

It was exactly what I needed to get through college. It actually retaught me how to laugh at shows again. How to be engaged. How to enjoy something again.

And as soon as I finished the show, I went right back to your story and finally understood who the characters were.

And coming fresh from the show, the characters I read in your story were like I never finished the series. Everything about them was the same. You drew their personalities out perfectly.

I wanted to share my findings and did the exact same thing I went through for a friend. I showed her the video, and she got excited. I told her of the story, but that it only made sense after the show. She watched the show and enjoyed it all. I gave there the link to your tale, and she ate it up. I thought she might have a breakdown as she waited for each update.

We got both our brothers into the show. I got another guy friend to watch it, and finally convinced another friend to watch it. The first friend got HER friend to watch it...

Really, it's all because of your story that I have a whole friend group that I can talk about turtles with.

So thank you 😊

-🐢

P.s. I hope for healing well and that your Lil rat buddies are doing much better.

I have actually had people read lfls with zero turtle background knowledge before, but if you are trying to map it to a different iteration it is definitely quite different. You probably joined around the 10th chapter, since I don't believe I had any serious fandom presence or fanart let alone an animatic until around that time.

Before Rise, 2007 was the only iteration of turtles I knew as well, by chance.

And I'm very glad my story created so many good opportunities and memories for you! Thank you for the very sweet ask <3

[lalal-99]

of being true {l.f.} | track 5

©June 2023, April 2024 by lalal-99

Lee Felix x Jung Wooyoung | trope: strangers to lovers | word count: 9.2k

Synopsis: The one that's about Felix and other pretty people.

Check Chapter Overview for complete list of warnings

Smut tags: explicit content | porn with plot | first time with the same gender | oral (m. rec.) | body worshipping | teasing | anal sex | top/sub dynamics | top!felix | Felix is whipped | sex under the influence (they're not wasted but definitely tipsy) | soft sex | nothing too spicy, honestly, but so, sooo many emotions

Note: This is an interim chapter. You don't need to read this chapter to understand the rest of the main plot. But I advise you do, because it's just so beautiful. Truly one of the best things I have ever written. (Reposting, cause the first upload tanked...)

Tumblr works on a reblog system. Please consider reblogging this post so that it can reach more people. Thank you :)

Please don't flag as mature or repost this story - Thank You

Felix learned he was gay at the tender age of 7. That was if he were completely honest with himself.

It happened on a beautiful Sunday morning in his suburban Sydney home. He had just prepped himself a bowl of fruit loops, clad in his pyjamas with his favourite blanket in hand. That’s how he made himself a home on the sofa, turning on the TV with the volume on low so his parents wouldn’t wake. Switching through channels his parents had forbidden him to watch, he finally landed on Nickelodeon. And that’s when he saw him.

Danny.

Phantom, if that wasn’t clear already.

All the kids at school had talked about the show for weeks, raving over who they thought Danny would end up with. Sam—the sarcastic best friend—or Jazz—the cutesy love interest. Pretty, beautiful and whitty were some of the words his friends referred to them as. Felix needed to see for himself and make up his mind. If not to admire their animated beauty, at least to determine who he preferred.

Needless to say, all intentions went out the window once he saw the underdog protagonist. His hair as black as the night and his eyes as blue as the ocean minutes away from Felix’s house. And that was only the human form of one Danny Fenton. No one could have prepared Felix for the incredible looks of his super-hero alter-ego. His icy grey hair and green eyes were truly something else, and Felix was soon captivated by the fictitious character. A fabricated figure drawn with pencil, but even so the hero of his childhood.

In hindsight, Felix should have known it right then and there.

While his friends argued the show’s female characters, he fantasised protecting Amity Park alongside his idol. Telling him his deepest secrets and hugging him in glee at the end of each episode.

As he was only a child, Felix didn’t think to investigate the intensity of his affection further. He pushed it to the back of his mind. Argued that he didn’t watch the show for its romantic aspects whenever someone asked him about his prefered love interest.

Despite ignoring the nagging thought for all his childhood—oblivious to a deeper meaning behind it—it caught up with him at some point. And that point came in the form of one Cassidy Miller.

Cassidy was one of Felix’s classmates in Year 8. Upon laying eyes on him on the first day of the year, she made it her main plot point to become his girlfriend. During lunch that first day, she chose the seat next to him in the cafeteria, sharing some of her homemade snacks. As a teenage boy amid a growth spurt, he accepted with not another word of persuasion. He didn’t even consider it to be an advance of sorts. Even when his friend high-fived him after the fact, Felix understood it as an act of kindness. Cassidy was trying to make some friends after moving to town weeks prior. Nothing out of the ordinary.

It took him about three weeks of shared snacks every day and a kiss on his cheek to recognise that, yes. A girl had a crush on him. And everything would have been fine. Hadn’t it been for the slight complication that he didn’t feel the same about her. Cassidy was sweet. He would even agree that she was cute with her bunny nose and blonde locks. Conventionally attractive features for a 14-year-old girl.

Before he could break the truth to her, though, she had already introduced him to her parents. Quick, but Felix didn’t get the chance to intervene. He didn’t even know she wanted to introduce them when she asked him to follow her to the parking lot. Let alone introduce him as her boyfriend, much to her father’s dismay.

So, at the fragile age of 14, Felix found himself in a heterosexual relationship with a girl he barely knew but didn’t have the heart to break up with. As though being an unknowing closeted teenager wasn’t enough already.

That relationship, as innocent as it was, lasted 6 months. At most, it consisted of hand-holding and handwritten notes passed during class. Still, it lasted long for a first relationship Felix had no intention of having in the first place.

When Cassidy revealed that her dad had been relocated for the umpteenth time, Felix was even a little sad. She left after only 7 months, thus ending the relationship as it had begun—completely out of his control.

One should think: A closeted gay teen who just came out of a heterosexual relationship he hadn’t intended having? Definitely won’t do that again in the near future.

And that thought was fair. But wrong.

It took around 2 months after Cassidy left when Emily Wilson came into Felix’s life.

Emily was different from Cassidy in many ways. She was one year Felix’s senior, held back a year for grade-related reasons. She had black hair and a sidecut. Eyelids always painted in a thick layer of dark eyeliner which made her look at least two years older than she was. She had a nose ring her parents hadn’t allowed her to get and wore combat boots like part of a religion. Every word leaving her lips was drenched in sarcasm, which drew Felix to her right from the beginning.

It didn’t take Felix more than a few weeks to accept it. If he were to ever have a relationship with another girl, it would be a girl like Emily.

Fortunately for him, she and Cassidy had one thing in common. They were both pretty much obsessed with him from the moment they first laid eyes on him.

Whatever was drawing them to him, Felix decided that what anyone in his position would do, was make a move on Emily. Everyone in his class was obsessing over who was with whom. All his friends went from relationship to relationship in weekly rhythms. So, getting a girlfriend himself was the logical thing to do.

The 1.5 years he spent with Emily were the most fun but excruciating months of his life. Being with someone that long was hard, as much as he loved getting to know every part of her life.

He liked Emily’s parents, and they thought he had a positive influence on their daughter. But they were uber controlling and burst into her room every few minutes to check on them and what they were doing.

He adored Emily’s love for music and art. Every picture she drew for him and every mixtape she made proudly displayed in his room. But, she didn’t allow any opinions on the topics that didn’t correlate with her own. Felix’s love for Pop music? A slap in the face of a proud anti-capitalist. Felix’s one-year-anniversary plans to visit a special exhibition in the museum? Another penny in the pocket of the rich, making them even wealthier.

He fell apart at the touch of Emily’s hands and mouth. Losing his virginity to her left him breathless and in a sweaty sheen for hours. But, as much as he didn’t mind sleeping with her, he couldn’t shake the uncomfortable feeling. She always made the first move. And he was not only lying to himself but to her.

Their relationship was a constant back-and-forth. Liking her while not liking her enough to want a serious future. No matter how hard Felix tried, keeping up the facade became more agonising with every I love you. Eventually, Emily could tell something was eating at her boyfriend. And after 18 unforgettable months together, she finally had enough. She left him with usual harsh words and exhausted tears of relief in his eyes.

Even then, as the doubt and exhaustion finally reached the front lobe of his brain, it took him a couple more years and 3 more relationships to come to terms with reality.

Felix was gay and wouldn’t continue lying to everyone around him.

Well, except for his parents, who, despite living in a modern country, had different values. They weren’t particularly homophobic, though they approached the movement with ignorance. That’s other people. That would never happen to us.

Thankfully, by the time Felix realised he would never be content in a heterosexual relationship, he had already set his eyes on further education abroad. And once he finished High School, he was already packed and ready to head overseas to live as his true self.

Never in a million years had Felix expected to live that true self so early in this new chapter of his life. He had barely set foot onto campus when he bumped into a guy on his way out of the physiology building. Felix almost lost balance but the man grabbed his biceps, delicate fingers steadying him against himself. That’s when he met the guy’s gaze. Beautiful mahogany, surrounded by a sheen of gold eyeliner. Which only made them sparkle even further than Felix was sure they already did. His hair died in layers of blonde and black, ears adorned by so many earrings he couldn’t have counted them. And that cheeky smile on his lips made Felix want to taste him right then and there.

Instead, Felix pulled away, smoothing his t-shirt out as he hugged his bag closer to himself. It gave his hands something to do while hiding the semi he sported. From a short-lived, innocent physical contact, but nonetheless.

“You good?” the guy asked, and Felix nodded, eyes wide as though he had seen a ghost. The man swiped his thumb over his plumb bottom lip with a smirk and a wink as he brushed past Felix. “Next time, keep your eyes on what’s important. Alright, Pretty?”

Pretty. Felix subconsciously nodded at the words as the man rounded the corner with another look back. He remained still for approximately minutes before he shook himself to snap out of it.

And that could have been it. A short, embarrassing moment like he had had so many times before. But that wasn’t Felix’s luck.

God screamed You should see your face at Felix when he entered his Psychology 101 class days later. The same boy stood by the entrance, talking to another guy who looked a little too good in his pink hair.

Felix skimmed past him, feeling the man’s gaze trained on his back as he wordlessly sat between two girls. Anything so he wasn’t exposed to the man’s enticing presence. Making his heart race like that of an untouched virgin.

That’s when Felix diagnosed: He might not be as ready to live his true self as he had thought.

The decision to take his time exploring his identity was easily made. Yet, the pledge lasted only 4 days.

“Hi, man! How’s it going?”

The first thing Felix noticed about the man in front of Jisung was the age difference.

Jisung might have been Felix’s age phsyically, but he usually carried himself with a heightened sense of maturity. His long-term girlfriend definitely was the cause for that, so much the countless dirty jokes had told Felix.

Jackson, on the contrary, had a sense of wiseness to him. He must have made many a experience that still awaited Felix and Jisung. What exactly made Felix feel like that, he couldn’t pinpoint. Although it likely wasn’t the baggy clothing or the Gucci snapback. Jackson must have come from money, was all Felix took away from them. And if it weren’t for Jackson’s clothing, the golden earrings and chain around his neck would have said as much.

“I’m alright. The workload already has me in a chokehold. But I’ll manage,” Jisung joked with his old friend before turning to Felix. “Jackson, this is my roommate, Felix. Felix, Jackson.”

“Nice to meet you!” Jackson greeted him as he pulled him into a bro-hug. The first of many, Felix was sure.

“Likewise.”

“So, already swimming in the workload? If it’s too much already, I wouldn’t advise picking Medicine as a Major. I was studying until the second the first guests arrived. And I will continue the moment the house is empty.”

A future doctor? Jackson? Definitely not what Felix had expected, but he didn’t know the guy. All he could go from was the first impression. He knew better than to judge from that alone.

“I’ll keep that in mind. You should tell Y/N before she suggests I also become a doctor.”

“She’s still not giving up on you picking a Major, huh?”

“I swear it’s everything she talked about the past two months.” Felix looked around the place, trying his hardest to ignore the words coming from his friend. It wasn’t like he knew everything about their relationship, nor was he picking sides in this debate. But hearing Jisung talk behind her back like that? It filled him with slight unease. “I love her, but it’s annoying.”

“You probably don’t want to hear it, but she has a point.”

Again, not what Felix had expected from Jackson. Taking Y/N’s side like that.

“There’s nothing wrong with taking a semester to figure things out, but you’ll have to pick one eventually.” Jackson could tell from Jisung’s expression that this wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “But...” Jackson opened three beer bottles from the sink before handing two of them over to Felix and Jisung. “That’s a conversation for tomorrow. Or next week. Right now, we party.”

“Hell, yeah!” Jisung agreed with a cheer before toasting the other two and downing half his bottle.

Felix took a sip, face scrunching at the bitter aftertaste of the liquid. He had never quite grown accustomed to the flavour of beer, his tastebuds preferring vodka or rum. Anything that mixed well with soft drinks.

While Jackson and Jisung chatted away like two estranged friends (which, for as much as Felix had understood, they were), Felix’s gaze wandered through the doorway into the living room. The house gradually filled with young students—some yet sober, some already intoxicated. Felix started appreciating Jisung by his side, so he didn’t have to approach this situation alone. Even if Jisung, right now, was ignoring his presence for his old friend.

Distracted by the loud music, Felix took a few steps out of the kitchen, when suddenly, he got knocked off his feet. Or at least almost.

He would have planted his face straight into the tiled flooring hadn’t it been for a set of delicate fingers coming to his biceps and steadying him. And if it weren’t already a complete recap of his encounter on the first day, Felix met the same mahogany eyes yet again.

Sweet, sweet irony.

The guy recognised him soon enough, a smirk appearing on his beautiful face. How he could be so enticing and cheeky without saying a word was beyond Felix.

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

Invisible strings drew Felix’s eyes to the man’s face, hanging on the way his lips moved whenever he spoke. He was in total awe of how someone could sound so sweet while having the fucking confidence of a... Well, if Felix had to name it, he would have called it fuckboy. Although, he didn’t want to judge a book by its cover. Even if this particular book was extremely easy on the eyes.

“You good?”

“Huh?”

“I asked you if you were alright.”

“Oh, of course. Yes, I’m good.”

“Good.” And there it was again. That stupid smirk made Felix feel things he didn’t know he had the mental capacity to feel. Emotions he had prayed to feel for Cassidy, Emily, Tina and all the others, he instead felt for some stranger the second he laid eyes on him. Like a complete loser. “You’re Felix, right?”

Eyebrows raising at the sound of his name from the stranger’s mouth, Felix swallowed thickly. “Yes. How do you know?”

“We have Psychology 101 together.” The first non-flirtatious words coming from the man, though that didn’t last long. “And I always remember the pretty faces.”

Pretty. That word, again, made Felix’s stomach churn and his pants tighten. Internally, he scolded himself for being so new to this that the simple compliment could affect him like this.

“I’m—You—Erm—” Felix stumbled over his thoughts pathetically. The stranger’s eyes kept running over all Felix’s features and he was very aware of it. He must have thought Felix was an utter basket-case. If he wanted to keep the last bit of pride, he had to get it together. Quick. “What’s your name?”

“Ouch,” the guy said as he placed his hand over a heart in mock hurt. “And here I hoped you had paid as much attention to me as I did you.”

What now? He had paid attention to Felix? When? How long? And why? Was this all part of a play, or was he kidding? Felix didn’t know what to think.

“I—I’m sorry.”

“No worries. I’m messing with you.” A breath of relief escaped Felix’s lips as he hoped the guy didn’t notice. “I’m Wooyoung. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“You, too,” Felix replied with the first smile in approximately hours.

“So, Felix. Now that I saved your life twice, what do you say we have a drink? It’s on me.”

Felix laughed at the joke as he pushed a strand of his blonde hair behind his ear.

“I already have one,” Felix explained, holding up the beer towards Wooyoung.

“Beer? You’re one of those guys?” Wooyoung asked with a sarcastic undertone, making Felix blush as he eyed the brown bottle.

“Actually, no. I never liked beer.” Placing the almost full bottle on the counter, he let Wooyoung guide him around the counter. A display of countless different liquors met them in a broad array.

“What’s your poison? Vodka? Gin?” Wooyoung questioned as he grabbed two red cups from the stack.

“Rum, actually.” The slight smile on Wooyoung flustered Felix as he hoped he hadn’t somehow made a fool of himself. Again. “What?”

“Nothing,” Wooyoung shrugged as he filled the two cups with a quarter rum before topping them off with coke. “I just know how to pick ‘em.” Felix didn’t know what he was hinting at, so he only smiled once Wooyoung handed him his drink. “To new acquaintances.”

“Yes. Acquaintances.”

With that, they toasted and took a sip each. The mixture of Captain Morgan and Coke gave Felix a sweet aftertaste. Much more comfortable than the beer had done, and he returned the smile Wooyoung sent him.

This whole situation was rather new to Felix. He had never been to a party like this. Single, that was. He never had the chance to meet someone on the go in a similar situation, and that reality filled him with unease. Despite having only met the guy, Felix wanted Wooyoung to like him. Whether that was a like in the we’ll become good friends sense or the give me all of you kinda way.

For a moment, Felix felt he was getting ahead of himself. He had met Wooyoung a few minutes ago. For all he knew, being flirtatious could have been engraved in his personality. Felix had arrived at campus mere days ago and even pledged to ease himself into this new, true identity. He definitely shouldn’t rush it.

As fast as he remembered that pledge he had taken, the memory evaporated. Wooyoung’s hand touched his hip, pulling him slightly closer, in front of everyone. Including his roommate and Jackson—two people he had no idea how they’d react to finding out his deepest secret. A secret he had never told anyone, on top of that.

“So, Felix—” Looking around the room, Felix soon realised that Jisung had left, and so had Jackson. A bunch of random people were running around, albeit ignoring the two guys in the corner, throwing googly eyes at each other. That realisation relaxed him almost entirely. “What’s your deal?”

Felix’s eyes met Wooyoung’s lips as he licked his own, a little nervous in the presence of someone so beautiful still. “What do you mean?”

“Are you, like, single? Hetero? Better tell me now before I fall for another straight guy.”

For someone so—unfamiliar, Felix felt himself drawn to anything Wooyoung did. Much more than he ever had with any of his ex-girlfriends. Sure, Felix was nervous around him, his hands shaking so heavily, he feared he’d spill his drink on the guy. At least some blame laid on his inexperience, blood rushing through his system like it was racing against itself. How was Wooyoung so self-assured and head-on anyways?

“I don’t know what to say.”

That was the truth. Felix had no idea how to answer such a straightforward question. Especially since he hadn’t said the words I am gay out loud, ever. Not even to himself. Expressing his personality to a stranger, out of all people, felt so out of place for him. Although he couldn’t deny the unmistakable magnetism pulling him towards Wooyoung.

“That’s okay. Because I know.”

The fingers at Felix’s hips dug into his flesh a little fiercer as Wooyoung closed in, breath hitting Felix’s cheek. Everything around him slowed in motion as his gaze switched from Wooyoung’s eyes to his lips, unsure of what to do or how to act. Would this be his first kiss with a man? With a stranger? In front of all these people? Tipsy from two unfinished drinks and Wooyoung’s presence alone?

“You do?” It took him a few seconds to finally reply, the tension becoming too much, too fast. “Maybe you can tell me. Because I have no fucking idea.”

Wooyoung laughed out loud at his words; a hearty laugh which sounded much like heaven to Felix. Some of the tension vanished as he took another deep breath and a long sip from his drink.

“And he’s funny, too. Damn, I really do know how to pick ‘em.”

The words made Felix blush as he averted his gaze towards the floor.

“I tell you what,” Wooyoung retracted his hands as his softening gaze met Felix’s anxious one. He must have noticed Felix’s unsure aura, torn between wanting to experience whatever Wooyoung had in mind and taking it slow. Felix had never been this happy about his expressional features. “How about you figure out what your deal is first? And when you do, come find me.”

As much as those words took the pressure off, Felix couldn’t deny the hint of disappointment pulling at his mood. He wanted to try and get him to close the proximity again, feeling cold after Wooyoung had pulled away. Sneakers screeching against the tiles soon captured their attention, rendering the moment gone. Felix recognised the owner as the same guy Wooyoung had been sitting next to in class. How could he have forgotten the bright pink hair and features as sharp as a fox’s?

“Dude, you gotta come watch this,” the guy exclaimed as he came over, dragging Wooyoung away by his hand. “Mingi is trying to do a keg-stand. It’s fucking hilarious. Like a giraffe trying to… well, do a kegstand.”

“No way!” With one last wink that made Felix’s knees weak, Wooyoung ran after his friend and out of Felix’s vision. It took him a few desperate moments to steady himself, hands still trembling from the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

Felix turned around, one, to tighten his grip around the counter and regain his balance, and two, conceal the boner which his pants did nothing to hide. His mind kept racing back to the proximity, the touches. The flirtatious words of a guy he barely knew but, at the same time, felt like he wanted to know everything about. The distance allowed him to realised how fast everything had played out. And while he feared it had happened all too fast, he couldn’t help but want to skip forward even further.

Perhaps, it was that he was desperate to finally get a taste of what he had denied himself for years. Crushes, love, passion. Everything his girlfriends had felt, but he never quite managed to. Making mistakes and gaining experience. Anything eventually leading him to alwaysness. With whomever that might be.

Although, right now, he wanted to have a sense of it with one particular person.

Two excruciating hours later, Felix found himself in the living area of the frat house. He had thought back to the moment in the kitchen so many times he could hardly count them. Not to mention how often he had gotten semi-hard thinking about Wooyoung’s breath against his cheek. His hands on his hips. And his words in his ear.

How about you figure out what your deal is first? And when you do, come find me.

But what if there was nothing to figure out? What if Felix already knew what he wanted and what his deal was? What if the only thing keeping him from acting on it was his inexperience?

All those what if’s jogging through Felix’s brain didn’t change anything. All he wanted—truly wanted at the moment—was to drag Wooyoung into the nearest closet and make him feel good. Have Wooyoung make him feel good. Whatever the guy was up for, honestly. Felix had spent the better part of two decades pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Now that he had a fresh start, he desired to finally be his true self.

It took him not 20 minutes longer until he decided that enough was enough.

Y/N, Yuqi and Changbin had left a while ago to play Truth or Drink in the kitchen, leaving Felix with a group of random boys. Sure, it was a group of boys he considered his closest friends on campus, but right now, they appeared so boring. Especially with a much more intriguing person, throwing him suggestive winks from the other end of the room.

How he had even noticed Wooyoung in the sea of drunk students was beyond him. Though Felix had no brain capacity left for the whys and hows. Wooyoung was sipping on his drink, playing with the straw about as suggestively as Felix had seen anyone do. Biting at the short fingernail of his pinky, Felix already felt the excitement nagging at his gut. The combination of clothes, alcohol and arousal ran him so very hot.

Wooyoung’s pink-haired friend didn’t notice he wasn’t paying him the slightest hint of attention. How ever important their conversation was, Felix couldn’t bring himself to care. This whole back and forth went on for a few minutes when Felix finally couldn’t take it anymore.

Without a word to his friends he got up from his seat, eyes drawn to the beautiful tempter at the other side of the room. Once Wooyoung recognised the intention behind Felix’s approach, he left his friend for the stairs.

The sway in his hips had Felix’s whole attention as he followed him upstairs, always a few steps behind to not alert the surrounding couples. As though they weren’t completely immersed in their make-outs and other grindings.

Once at the upper end of the staircase, Felix looked around to find the hallway empty. Someone must have ensured the private rooms remained private, and usually, this would have been the end of his path. Though the confidence in Wooyoung’s step encouraged Felix to push that to the deepest part of his brain.

His movements stayed cautious until he reached the end of the hall, entering the last room on the left. Felix took a deep breath as he closed the door and turned around. Not a second went by until he noticed the man on one of the two beds, drink long forgotten on one of the desks.

“Hi.” With no hint of pressure in his voice, Wooyoung watched Felix fidgeting by the door.

“Hi.”

Silence took over the room as Felix realised why Wooyoung wasn’t being his usual flirty self. Understanding how he had some reservations still, he left every decision up to Felix. It gave him a sense of security, understanding that if he didn’t want anything to happen, nothing would. Even if they were on their own in a small room, veiled in tension thick enough to cut with a spoon.

With that sense of total security in mind, Felix took a shaky step forward.

“So—” His voice broke as he regretted not bringing his drink. He felt the deep desire for something to cool his system, easing the lump in his throat. “I figured out what my deal is. And I’m coming to you, like you said.”

“Good.” The smile on Wooyoung’s face was as non-suggestive as he had ever seen, further soothing his tense body. “Do you mind sharing with me?”

“No. I will.” Taking another deep breath, Felix looked to the ceiling as he brought his hand to his stiff shoulders.

This was the moment. Felix would say the words out loud for the first time. Reality would hit, and there would be no escaping it anymore.

Fortunately, Felix didn’t want to run from it any longer.

“I’m single. And, I’m—”

Say it! He won’t judge. Just spit it out!

“I’m gay.”

“Okay.”

Okay. Okay? Despite the simplicity of the word, pure relief overcame Felix, body slumping as exhaustion blurred his vision. He was gay, and it was okay.

The next breath through a watery veil of happiness and alleviation felt like the first one he had ever taken.

“Oh my God, did I say something wrong?” Wooyoung hurried over to Felix’s trembling body as he wrapped his protective arms around him. Felix’s hands clung to the man’s shirt, face pressed into the crook of his neck as he let himself be held. Nothing more. Just held and accepted.

“No. Nothing wrong.” The whispered words reached Wooyoung’s ear within milliseconds. “All the right words. But—”

He stopped, pondering for a few seconds whether to confide in someone he hardly knew. A man who had nothing but shamelessly flirted with him for all 20 minutes of aggregated conversation. But he was here right now. And Felix needed to let him know how much he had already done for him.

Also, he was bawling into the guy’s shirt. It could hardly get much more intimate than this, anyways.

“I never said it out loud.”

“Oh… Oh!”

The realisation hit Wooyoung like a bus as he further fastened his comforting grip on Felix. It all made sense to him now. The insecurity. The uncomfortable tension whenever he said anything below the belt. The silence following the question of what his deal was. And here Wooyoung was, thinking he was yet again barking up the wrong tree. As it turned out, he had finally found the right tree, though it hadn’t bloomed yet.

“Fuck. I’m sorry I came on so strong. It just… I thought you were cute, but then I wasn’t so sure if you felt the same way. I assumed you might be one of those straight guys who aren’t so straight after a few drinks. So, I went all in to skip all that will-they-won’t-they crap. Wouldn’t have been the first time I was utterly disappointed at the end of the day.”

He had only tried to feel Felix out and learn if he himself could get hurt. Evidently, neither of them was trying nor intending to play games with the other.

“You didn’t come on too strong. I mean, you kinda did. But I liked it.”

As they drew away from each other, light laughter filled the room. Wooyoung’s arms were still circled around Felix’s waist as they stared into each other’s eyes. Their smiles soon faded as they recognised their proximity. When Wooyoung’s hands reclaimed their position on his hip, Felix’s stomach erupted in sheer excitement. The sentimentality of the moment was ultimately broken by his arousal.

“You like this, too. I can feel it,” Wooyoung pointed out with a smile as he squeezed Felix’s sides once, making him jump a little. “Knew it.”

“Fine. I like it.”

“So, you never told anyone you’re gay. Does that mean you just found out yourself? Or did you always know on some level and try to fit into a pair of shoes that weren’t yours?”

“A little of both. Like, I used to crush on Danny Phantom so hard it surprises me my parents never caught on. But then again, I had many girlfriends in Middle and High School.”

Wooyoung explored Felix’s cheeks and nose where freckles decorated him in beautiful patterns.

“You’ve never been with a guy then?”

Felix shook his head as his gaze met Wooyoung’s inviting, plump lips. In his subconscious, he grazed his teeth against them, the intimacy of the moment turning the corners of his mouth upwards. The closer Felix got to him, the sexier he found him to be.

“But you want to be?”

This time, Felix nodded. Never had he been more sure than while looking at the most beautiful man he had ever seen. So close he could almost taste him. And if that wasn’t sign enough already, the prominent tent in his pants at the simple touch of his hips assured him.

He wanted Wooyoung, more than he had ever wanted anyone else.

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”

“That’s good. I can work with that.”

Leaning in their eyes met as Felix took in what was happening. Like the romance novel moment he had always dreamed of, seconds turned minutes, and moments turned into a lifeline. And then, finally, after hours of distant pining, Wooyoung closed the gap between them.

Now, Felix had kissed many people before. Cassidy, at 14, under the old cherry tree in his backyard while reading his favourite anime. Emily at 15 in more places than he could remember. And many others since. Girls, exclusively.

Though right now, as he tasted Wooyoung for the first time it finally dawned on him. The sweetness of his scent, the rum on his lips and the coke in his breath. This was what a kiss should feel like. This was what desire was supposed to feel like.

They deepened the kiss, tongues brushing lips, and Felix reached for Wooyoung’s neck. He ran his hands through the man’s hair, mouths moving in unison as silent whimpers escaped his lips. When Wooyoung pulled away, it was to catch his breath while also searching for a hint of regret in Felix’s features. When he couldn’t find anything but lust, he smirked, reconnecting his lips to the other’s.

Hands clawed at and bodies moved against one another as desperate whines filled the room. Mainly Felix’s, but who could blame him? Every single one of Wooyoung’s movements was the perfect calculation. He knew through and through what he was doing. Wooyoung clawed at Felix, pulling him into his body and providing his aching erection with much-needed friction. Semi-aroused for the better part of the evening, finally, he got relief from the discomfort.

Pulling Felix’s hair and tipping his head back, Wooyoung’s lips moved to the side of his neck. All the while, Felix kept his hands in Wooyoung’s hair, pulling him even closer and not letting him go.

“Fuck…” Felix slurred when the other sucked at his skin, trying to mark him for later. In the past, he hated having hickeys on his neck. Others knowing he had made out with his girlfriend had always made him uncomfortable. With Wooyoung, he couldn’t deny that he loved the thought of people knowing he belonged to someone. Or at least had done so for a brief moment in time.

Wooyoung’s hands fisted Felix’s shirt as he inched it up before checking in with the blonde, “Is this okay?”

“Yes. Please, take it off already.”

“Getting hot?” Wooyoung asked with a smirk, getting his answer once Felix nodded with a thick swallow. “Good.”

Once the fabric landed on the floor, Wooyoung lingered to take in the view. He had expected many things from the closeted nerdy boy, but not this. Not a full-on six-pack, tensing as he let his fingertips wander over his hot skin.

“Damn. Who would have thought?” The thoughts leaving Wooyoung’s brain without a filter made Felix blush. It was one thing, hearing how well-built he was from someone else. But someone he deemed the hottest person he had ever laid eyes on? That did something to him alright. And when Wooyoung leaned down to let his perky tongue run over the bulges, that did a whole other thing to him.

“Fuck… More, please.”

“Patience. I have a lot more to give you,” Wooyoung told him with a smirk as he pushed Felix onto the mattress and sank to his knees. This view was heavenly, straight out of a porno, and Felix felt like he was dreaming again. The whole situation was surreal.

Looking up at the blond, Wooyoung pulled him down for another kiss before focusing on his pecs. He took his sweet time worshipping Felix’s chest, his nipples and abs. Electric shocks rushed straight through Felix’s spine towards the top of his head. Wooyoung couldn’t get enough, spending a few extra seconds kissing his abdominal muscles until a layer of spit and sweat covered them.

“Please…” The silent prayer escaped Felix like a mantra. He’d come in his pants if Wooyoung didn’t do something soon and that was definitely not how he wanted this first time to end. Bad enough his first first time (a few years ago with Emily in the backseat of his father’s Toyota) had ended that way. Another taste of that embarrassment would have been too much to overcome.

“You think you’re ready for this?”

“I was born ready. Just— do something, please.”

“Oh, I’ll be doing much more than just something.”

Wooyoung opened Felix’s pants, dragging them over his thighs and towards the floor. Once the jeans had gone, Felix noticed he was almost entirely naked while Wooyoung was far from it. Without a second thought, he pulled the man’s shirt up, and over his head. To even it out, if you will. Now, not only their bodies but their pure skin was connecting. No restraints, no barriers. Only the two of them.

“I’m gonna go slow, okay? Let me know if you want me to do something different.”

As sweet as Felix identified the assurance to be, it was much unneeded. The second Wooyoung pulled him out of his briefs—tip red and leaking—he licked a thick stripe up the underside. That’s when Felix knew this would be excruciating in the best way immaginable.

Wooyoung worked him with so much knowledge and understanding of the male anatomy. It felt like he was inside Felix’s body, metaphorically. He knew exactly where to lick, where to suck and how to work him so he would fall apart below him. Felix’s eyes stayed glued to the beauty, watching him suck on his length and take him down his throat. As though he had never done anything else.

The past blowjobs Felix had received—which there were quite a few, thanks to his charming personality and sweet looks—had been good. He couldn’t lie that he had enjoyed every one of them, though it had never been this mind-numbing. Wooyoung had a technique to his movements only someone with a dick could come up with. Someone who had experienced many a blowjob first-hand— Felix was sure of that.

Spit slid down his length as Wooyoung navigated him deeper with each thrust, hands pumping what he couldn’t fit. His eyes filled with utter and total lust, gazes meeting when he looked up at Felix with a blurriness to his vision. It was a sight Felix had never seen—so pretty and feral. Enough to make him burst on the spot.

However, he couldn’t let that happen.

Felix’s hand on Wooyoung’s cheek urged him to let him fall from his mouth, cock glistening in a beautiful glow. He leaned down and connected their mouths as he tasted himself on Wooyoung’s tongue. Never had he tasted so delicious.

“Good?” Wooyoung asked as though he hadn’t made Felix see stars. Right now, he wasn’t sure he could ever feel as good again.

“So, so good.”

They shared a short moment of silence while Felix scooted back on the bed until he reached the headboard. Wooyoung situated himself above Felix’s lap as they continued their heated make-out session.

Felix admired Wooyoung’s broad chest and sculptured pecs while he planted wet kisses against his jaw. With as much confidence as Wooyoung presented, Felix wasn’t surprised his beauty continued past his face. Although he was still in awe of the perfect piece of art that was Wooyoung’s body. So chiselled, so muscular, so masculine. A dream come true in the most literal sense.

Delicate fingers ran over Felix’s stomach and snapped him out of his daydream. His abs tightened when he felt Wooyoung reach back and wrap his digits around his length.

“Oh, God.” Wooyoung seemed to enjoy the teasing too much, a triumphant grin on his features at the heightened reactivity in Felix’s expression. “Please. I— God.”

The grunt leaving Felix was nothing short of animalistic as Wooyoung’s thumbed over the head.

“You were saying?”

“I need you. Please.”

Bringing his hands back to his front, Wooyoung ended every direct skin contact to Felix. The loss of the physical component refocused all their senses while the fog in their brains lifted a little.

“You sure you want your first time to be drunk at a frat party?”

Felix appreciated Wooyoung’s caution, heart swelling as he wondered how he had deserved someone so considerate. A stranger, yes, but the most respectful one. However, this was hardly his first time. His body count filled all of one five-fingered hand. And even though this felt different, he was well aware of the vulnerability he exposed himself to.

“First of all, I’m not that drunk. See?” Felix straightened up as he positioned his pointer fingers at the corners of his peripheral vision. Bringing them together to touch right before his nose, he proofed his hypothesis. Much to Wooyoung’s amusement, who giggled at the adorable action. “Second, this isn’t my first time. I’ve done this before. With girls, yes. But I know what I’m getting myself into. And third, I really fucking want you to fuck me. Like yesterday.”

Opening up to Wooyoung seemed so easy after he had literally sucked his cock mere moments earlier. The guy’s sweet personality made it much easier for Felix to voice his wishes. He was sure about this.

Apparently, Wooyoung understood so much.

“Okay. But only under one condition.” Wooyoung’s fingers ran between Felix’s pecs and down his adonis belt. “You are the one doing the fucking this time. I have nothing to prep you with, and you want your first time to be slow, believe me. Ergo, you’re topping.”

“Alright,” Felix gave in with a laugh. If that’s what Wooyoung wanted to do, then Felix was content with being the penetrator rather than the penetrated. He also couldn’t deny the skip of his heartbeat when Wooyoung suggested there would be a second time. “One more thing. What’s topping?”

Eyes widening in amusement, Wooyoung couldn’t help but giggle at the younger’s words. “God, you’re innocent. Good thing you have me to show you everything you need to know.”

Rolling off Felix’s body, Wooyoung rid himself of his remaining clothes— jeans and underwear landing on top of Felix’s pile. With his free hand, Wooyoung reached for the nightstand and rummaged through its content with a hopeful expression.

“Come on, San-ie. Don’t disappoint me right now.” After a few seconds, his face lit up while he pulled lube and a condom from the drawer. “Do I know my best friend or what?”

“San. Is that the pink-haired guy?”

“Yup. I dyed it myself. You like it?” Wooyoung asked as he handed Felix the condom.

“It suits him well.” He rolled the piece of latex over himself with vigour while Wooyoung opened the lube and began spreading it between his cheeks. “So, this is his room? He doesn’t mind us using his bed?”

“Oh, I’m counting on it. San used mine so often, with so many different women, he should be paying half of my rent.” Felix chuckle was dark, eyes focusing on Wooyoung once he was back on top of him. “But enough about him.”

Felix’s eyes ran down Wooyoung’s naked form as he felt himself twitch against thin air. For a few rose-coloured seconds, he let himself enjoy the view of a beautiful man on top of him. His hands roamed over the older’s thighs, feeling the texture of his smooth, sun-kissed skin. He could have spent hours exploring every crevice of Wooyoung’s body.

In the dim lightening of the room, Wooyoung looked ethereal, muscular statue and pretty face only further continued in the shape of his cock. In no porn had Felix ever seen someone so enchanting, mouth watering at the mere sight of his erection. As much as Wooyoung had focused on him within the previous moments, Felix couldn’t shake the need to do the same for him. His own arousal pushed past its limits by the thought of making Wooyoung feel good.

Hands wandering further up his thighs, Felix soon reached the base of his dick. With one questioning look followed by an agreeing hum, Felix finally touched him.

He went slow at first, testing the waters and Wooyoung’s reactions to figure out what he liked. It took him not a minute to do so. Working Wooyoung the same way he worked himself in moments of privacy did the trick. It almost came natural to him as he collected the guy’s pre-cum to smear it over his length, hand pumping from base to tip in short, rhythmic motions.

“Fuck. You’re so pretty.”

The words were as much unsolicited as they were unintentional, though Wooyoung enjoyed the compliment. A blush appeared on his cheeks as he closed the gap, pushing his hungry mouth against Felix’s.

“How about you fuck me and see how much prettier I can become.”

Felix, yet again, felt himself twitch at the crudeness of the words, proving to himself that, yes. He might have a thing for dirty talk. Though that realisation was for another day to explore. With his bottom lip between his teeth, Wooyoung shimmied down his body until he reached his lap. Squirting some of the lube onto his palm, Wooyoung lost no time to massage it into Felix’s length.

“Ready?”

“God, yes.”

As Wooyoung sunk all the way to complete fullness, Felix realised that was a lie. He could have never prepared for the feeling of Wooyoung’s snug hole, so much tighter than anything he had ever felt around himself before. His hands flew to the older’s thighs as he moved up and down and steadied himself by clawing his nails into Felix’s skin.

“Fuck, you’re tight.”

“You have no idea how amazing you feel,” Wooyoung agreed with a moan, hands resting on Felix’s stomach for support. “You think you can move? Meet me in the middle?”

“I don’t even know if I can breathe right now.”

His words were met with a giggle, though despite his inability to think, Felix lifted his hip up to meet him. Moving against gravity was more demanding than he had anticipated, but the look of pure bliss on Wooyoung’s face made it worthwhile.

He definitely hadn’t lied when he said he’d become even prettier while fucked out.

They soon found a rhythm that was comfortable for either. Still, Felix knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Not when Wooyoung caressed all his senses so perfectly, eyes, ears, hands, mouth and mind filled with nothing but him. The world stood still around them, entirely immersed in the moment.

One particularly sharp thrust poked Felix’s attention, tip hitting a spot within Wooyoung that made him throw his head back with a whimper. His body trembled under Felix’s palms, abdominal muscles pulling Wooyoung forward and crouching over the younger. At first, Felix believed whatever he had done had hurt Wooyoung. Once the older opened his eyes—gaze veiled in animalistic hunger—Felix understood it wasn’t a grunt of pain.

“Was that…”

“My prostate? Fuck, yes.” Stilling on top of him, Wooyoung needed to rest for a second. Right when he took up his previous movements, Felix fell back into the same rhythm. Five thrusts in, the same thing happened again, though Wooyoung didn’t stop this time. To say that the sight was divine would have been a crude understatement. “Fuck… Touch me, baby. Please!”

The first time Wooyoung begged him for something—rather than the other way around—Felix identified another new kink. This was all new anyways, and Wooyoung still unleashed underlying desires Felix hadn’t even known existed.

Felix’s hands flew to Wooyoung’s dick, stroking it in unison with his thrusts. And like that, the older fell apart on top of him.

Felix had only ever seen a man cum through the screen of his laptop. It had seemed so fake, the whimpering and grunting way too excessive to be genuine. Or so he thought.

When Wooyoung hit his high, he completely slumped with a groan in Felix’s ear as he released onto his stomach. Hot spurts painted his abs in white, running between the crevices and towards his navel—and there was so much of it. Felix wasn’t quite sure if this was still considered healthy.

Despite being in a state of utter bliss, Wooyoung kept moving, dragging out his orgasm and urging Felix towards his own. The sight and noises would have gotten him there as was. The added pleasure of Wooyoung’s tired hole clenching and his intense eyes eventually launched him into his sweet, sweet release.

Panting beside each other, they tried catching their breaths for a few minutes. It could have been hours, for all Felix cared. He couldn’t have been trusted with anything right now, not even telling the time.

At some point, Felix cleaned himself before reclaiming his position under Wooyoung, with the older’s head propped on his chest.

“That was…”

“Yeah.”

Chuckling filled the room as their gazes fixated on the ceiling. Wooyoung pressed kisses against Felix’s chest on occasion, a sweet gesture that was much appreciated. The longer they remained entangled, listening to each other’s breathing, the faster Felix’s mind spun. The kissing, the tension, the desire. Everything was so fresh in his mind but, at the same time, felt so far away. He couldn’t deny that after finally figuring out why everyone was so obsessed with sex, he couldn’t wait to experience it again.

Wooyoung figured Felix’s mind out with one short look at his lap.

“You’re still hard.”

It wasn’t so much still as it was again, his body visibly not done yet despite having reached a peak minutes ago.

“Because you’re still pretty.”

The explanation forced Wooyoung’s cheeks into another blush as he kissed Felix, softer this time but just as passionate. Climbing back on top of him, Wooyoung nipped at Felix’s bruised neck, making him moan at the mix of pain and pleasure.

“That’s gonna be a bitch to cover up tomorrow,” Wooyoung recognised with a giggle as his gaze met Felix’s. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright. I like having a visual reminder for the next few days.”

“Well, if that’s so…”

Trailing off, Wooyoung leaned back down, sucking on Felix’s chest. A red bruise appeared within seconds of him biting and licking over the flesh, Felix holding him close by his hair to keep him going. Any direct skin contact Wooyoung gave him Felix couldn’t get enough of. He wanted to live in this moment for as long as possible.

The fire in his stomach reignited when the older licked over his nipples, swirling the buds between his lips. The shock waves coursing through Felix reached his cock, which twitched in excitement.

Yup, he definitely wasn’t done for today.

While Wooyoung kissed his way all over Felix’s chest, the younger reentered heaven. He couldn’t help but ponder what else there was he hadn’t tried yet. Like giving blowjobs. Or whatever the antonym of topping was. He couldn’t quite wait to figure it out, although some higher power forced patience on him.

Felix wanted to ask Wooyoung if he could taste him, but he didn’t get there. Before anything else could happen, the door to the room opened with a creek, and Felix’s head snapped up. His eyes darted to the entrance, shock written on his face as his gaze met the intruder’s.

He couldn’t quite tell whether you had recognised him. Although the lighting most likely wasn’t dark enough to shield his identity. You must have identified him. But he couldn’t react fast enough. As soon as you had appeared, you muttered a perplexed “I’m sorry” and pulled the door shut. Leaving Felix with only fear and a hard-on he wasn’t so sure would find any true relief for the rest of the night

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[thisbipuff-isaswiftie]

Hi!!

I want to request a Shawn angst imagine, please.

Something about sylvie or someone from his team talking about the reader behind her/they back and she/they feeling angry and telling shawn but he didn't believe it and having a fight but then he heard them talking bad about the reader again and trying to apologize, you decide if the end.

Only if you're comfortable to do it, love the work! Keep going!

Thanks for the request, honey!!!!!

I'm sorry if this is not that good, but I really hope u like it~

_____

Big Deal | Shawn Mendes

Warning: Angst, fights, cursing.

Containing: boyfriend!Shawn, girlfriend!reader, Jerk!Shawn, Artist!Reader

pairing: You and shawn mendes

You loved Shawn so much. You have been his girlfriend for 19 months now and now as you remembered how you had met, you laughed hysterically. You met him at an art exhibition, where he came, disguised in a black hoodie, a cap, and a mask. You had run into him while staring at the paintings on the wall, and almost screamed when you saw him like that. At first, you thought he was a thief or something, and seeing you freak out, he thought you had recognized him. So he had quickly pulled you aside and made you calm down.

You remembered the way you were so confused when he said that you knew who he was and he begged you to not tell anybody. But seeing your confused face, he pulled down his mask-making your mouth shut and your eyes wide. Honestly, you weren't a big fan of him back at that time, you never liked pop so you never even knew him as such. But you had heard of him from your friends and knew very well just who he was and why he had pulled you aside. When you had figured out just what had happened and the misunderstanding, you laughed out loud. Too loud.

He had raised his eyebrows and stared at you as you held your stomach as you laughed, which you knew was a not-so-beautiful sight. "What? Are you those insane kinds?" He had asked to which you stopped laughing and shook your head, looking at him disapprovingly. He didn't have a right to call people insane or judge them like that. So you gave him a piece of your mind and left him staring at you like an antelope in headlights. When you were looking at a mind-blowing piece of painting, he stood beside you, his disguise intact. He had said something clever and cocky and then after a small pause, apologized to you. You smiled at his sweet apology and the small smile he had delivered you. You were suddenly feeling this weird feeling in your chest.

And well, that's when you started hanging out more. After two coffees, a walk to the library, and a guitar session he had finally kissed you and asked you out. You were so happy, and till now everything was going great.

Well now...

You were a bit concerned about Shawn. He had been a bit distant and had canceled your last three dates. You already knew the obstacles that were going to come along with dating a celebrity such as him. You knew he was busy with his album and he had been getting a lot of hate, and you understood that he needed space. But you just wanted him to know that you were there for him.

You were waiting for him at your home, watching another episode of B99, and drinking coffee. When you heard the door opening, your head quickly turned, and you got up, slowly walking towards the door. There he was, your Shawn, coming in hanging his keys and hanging his coat. He looked so exhausted.

You sighed and walked towards him, taking his face in your hands as a yawn came across his lips. He quickly shook it off as he felt your soft hands caressing his cheeks. "Oh hi." He said and gave you a lop-sided and a sleepy smile. "You're still awake?" He said, his brows scrunching. You chuckled softly and brought his face towards yours and gave him a peck. "I missed you," You said softly, "and I hadn't seen you in a few days."

"What?" He said, his voice laced with a bit of aggravation. "We just had breakfast yesterday, together." You sighed a bit and stepped away from me. "You know what I mean,"

"No I don't!"

"Well, a bite of toast, a kiss to my forehead, and telling me you're going to be late and getting out of the house in less than 30 seconds, when I made bacon and pancakes for you is not having breakfast together."

Shawn groaned and stormed off, making your blood boil. You breathed in sharply and walked after him, "What the hell Shawn!?" Shawn rolled his eyes and plopped down on your couch, a small smirk passing his face for a second when he heard the title track of B99 playing on the TV. "You can't just walk away like that!"

"Well, guess what? I did!"

Your teeth gritted and you gave him a murderous look. You didn't like how Shawn was behaving with you, this is not how he acted with you. And you hated it. Didn't he realize that he was hurting you? "You know what? Fuck you." You stormed off to your bedroom, and took his pillow and his quilt and threw it across the room in the hall. "HEY!" You slammed the bedroom door and groaned out loudly.

You did not plan your night to go this way.

You sat on the bed, looking at the light that came from the living room through the small space between the door and the floor.

You sighed, your chest thudding loudly. Hugging your knees close to your chest, and you let out a shuddering breath, as a tear fell from your eye. You shook your head at your ridiculousness, and wiped your tear. It was confusing to you why you were being so emotional over this fight. It seemed small, didn't it?

But it wasn't.

This wasn't how you wanted your fights to go, fights that would lead you both to drift apart, and eventually, your relationship would fall apart...

The thoughts made you feel that your heart was being pulled apart. You looked at the light that escaped the small gap. Why did your relationship suddenly feel like that? Darkness had surrounded you, and the escaped light was really close but too far away to engulf you into happiness again. That light was Shawn. And it was almost as if he had forgotten to engulf you. And it was slowly killing you.

Before you know it, sleep had consumed you, with those burning thoughts still fresh in your mind.

.....

"Hey, honey."

You hugged your coat over your chest and spared Shawn a glance. You had woken up to a cold and empty bed, disappointing you. You didn't think Shawn would stretch it till the morning. That was until you smelled the sweet scent of maple syrup and pancakes. Realizing Shawn's plan to lure you into forgiving him, you rolled your eyes. If he thought that pancakes was going to make you ease up, then he was miserably mistaken.

He knew that you never liked fights left like this, with so much tension in the air that it pressured your heart. He knew that you preferred to talk it out and apologize to each other, and not leave it just like that. You had sighed and got up, freshened up.

You heard Shawn sigh and groan slightly as you went through your mail. You saw one addressed to Shawn. You looked up, looking at the creases on Shawn's forehead. "You have mail." You said, monotonously. You walked towards him, and he looked at you hopefully.

But you didn't give in, not just yet. You were too angry at him but didn't want to give him attention. You still wanted to hit him and scream at him because of last night and what he made you feel. And yeah, you also wanted to get the argument over with and just hug him. But you didn't.

Shawn didn't know if he was right or if he was wrong. What he did was fully flawed, and he didn't realize it. You had always been a bit touchy. It was your way of receiving and giving love. Through physical touch. Unfortunately, it was one of your insecurities as well. You had been brushed off as annoying so many times because of your habits, it hurt you. So you had given Shawn a warning, no let me scratch that. So many warnings.

This fight wasn't exactly related to that, but it still made the insecurities and that same unsafe or lets say, not belonging feeling around you.

Shawn hadn't forgotten that, but he wasn't sure if it was exactly his fault. I mean, you did know how busy he gets. So after a busy day, he might want a bit space, didn't he?

But he didn't want this fight to last this long, either. He was keeping a party at their house, tomorrow night. He didn't want anybody to talk about your relationship or its problems. He didn't want anything new to stir up. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

You looked up, your expression was something he couldn't decipher.

"I'm sorry." He said, loud and clear. "It was wrong of me, what I did last night. And I know I have been bailing on you for a long time, and you have been so understanding. I'm sorry,"

You nodded at him. "Just don't do it again." You said, gently. Shawn didn't really understand why your voice sounded so afraid. It wasn't that big of a deal, was it?

"Anyway," Shawn smiled at you and brought up two plates of hot pancakes. "I'm keeping a party tomorrow night, if that's alright with you?" You smiled at him. "Yeah, no problem. Who's coming?"

"You know the usual, the team. Niall, Taylor etc. We wanted to celebrate all the work we've done for the new album."

"Ooh, when are you releasing it?"

"Next month. It's not completed it, but we're very proud of what it has become until now." You looked at him with a proud expression. You were so happy for him. You loved how hard-working he was.

"Okay then," You smiled at him. "You going to the studio, now?" He nodded, "I'll be back by 8. We can binge B99 if you want. Or maybe watch Avengers, since you're so fond of Tom Hiddleston," You giggled and blushed. "And RDJ." You pointed out, and he scoffed, smiling.

He kissed your forehead as you both finished your breakfast, and took your plates putting them in the dishwasher.

After getting ready, he went out the door, giving you your goodbyes and kisses. Still as he stepped out the door, you felt disappointment arousing in the pit of your stomach.

.....

You looked at yourself in the mirror and stared at your outfit. You smiled and adored the slight foxy eyeshadow you had done. You took a deep breath and stepped outside your bedroom door. The party music was roaring down, and you slowly stepped down the stairs. As you stepped onto the second last step, you tried to find Shawn, and spotted him having a drink with two of his friends from the team. You smiled at him as he stared at you. You walked towards him, and noticed him still staring at you. "What?" You asked. "Does this not look good?" You turned your waist, "Should I change?" But he just grinned at you, and pulled in for a kiss.

He left you breathless and smiled at you. "You look fucking stunning, honey."

You blushed under his gaze and hid your face in his chest as it rumbled because of his chuckles. "Such lovebirds." Someone muttered and you looked up to see Niall. "Niall!!" You squeaked and hugged him. "How are you?"

"Perfect, love." He said and smiled at how you had wrapped your hands around his waist. "How are you both?" He asked cheekily.

"Same." Shawn said and kissed your cheek.

"I'm glad."

You looked around and sighed at the crowd. As much as you were proud of Shawn and no matter how many launch parties you go to with him, you never get used to the crowd. It gets overwhelming and makes you anxious. That's why you never actually like coming to these parties yet you did, only for Shawn. You tried not to always stick to him, but always made sure that he was in your eye sight, to make you feel calm and safe.

If he wasn't, then you would look for Niall, Taylor, or one of the other people with whom you were really good friends.

But mostly, it was Shawn.

You were thirsty and wanted to get a drink, so you went to the bar, promising Shawn to meet him at the dance floor.

But when you came back, he wasn't there. You couldn't find him. You looked around the crowd but couldn't spot him. When you looked back at the bar, you saw him with one of his team members. You recognized her immediately. Sylvie.

She had helped Shawn a lot, and you appreciated her for that. But sometimes you felt that maybe she didn't really like you, you tried to tell Shawn but he dismissed you, saying that you're being paranoid and that you haven't just spent that much time.

You sighed as you walked over to him.

"Shawn!" He looked back and saw you. He smiled at you and waved you to come over. You walked towards him with relief on your face. You got close to him and wrapped your arm around his. "Sylvie! How are you?" You asked politely. She smiled grimly, not so excited to see you, and replied, "Great! We're just waiting for the album to be complete and released, aren't we?" She smiled at Shawn and rubbed his arm. You felt extremely uncomfortable as you saw he look at Shawn like that. Your insecurities got up. "I'm so proud of you guys!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you are." She mumbled and scoffed. "Did you say something?" You asked her but Shawn squeezed your hand. "Weren't we going to the dance floor? I'm sorry Sylvie, we'll see you later." He said and smiled at her. She nodded and he grabbed you and you both walked towards the dance floor. "That wasn't polite, Shawn."

"I know."

You both danced calmly into each other's arms. "Shawn, was it just me, or was she rolling her eyes at me?"

He mumbled something under his breath and then looked back at you. "No, sweetheart. She is just in a bad mood, her boyfriend and she got into a fight before coming here." You nodded. You looked up at him and sighed as you saw his beautiful brown eyes.

You sighed and kept your head on his chest as you both swayed from side to side to the soft rhythm of the music. "I love you." You whispered gently as comfort laced you both like a graceful ribbon. Shawn kissed your forehead, his lips lingering over the crown of your head. "I love you the most.." He breathed, as the scent of your hair reached him. His eyes fluttered shut and he pulled you even close, If that was possible.

You took deep breaths as you found yourself finally in your beloved's arms. It was rare. Very rare. And you wanted to make the most out of this moment. An unsettling feeling had rested in your chest, that any moment this is going to be ripped from you. He is going to be ripped apart from you. And you will be crushed again.

You entwined your hand into his' as the music ended and he was obliged to go and meet more guests. He gave you an apologetic smile, but you weren't going to leave him. You went along with him even if exhaustion had taken over your legs. You felt so much safer with him. His cheering voice always comforted you, it kept your anxiety at bay.

You both walked towards the bar again. You smiled at him and left his hand. You wanted to pee. So you stepped across but as soon as you closed your stall, some voices started speaking. Familiar voices.

"I mean did you see her tonight?"

"mhmm."

"Fuckin whore, can't even dress properly."

You tried to restrain your gasp as you recognized the voice. Sylvie.

"Poor Shawn, he must've had to deal with her."

"I know right? She's so useless. Always clinging to him like a puppy."

"She's only with him for clout. Clingy bitch."

"God, Shawn deserves so much better."

"Someone like you, Sylvie?"

"Oh shut up." She giggled. "Maybe."

Your blood boiled as you heard all those words, but your heart ached. Tears started to spill out of your eyes as you tried to keep your breath calm. Shawn deserves so much better. Was it true? Were you that clingy?

You heard the door close shut and that's when you broke down. Tears started to pour down your eyes, rolling down your cheeks. You held your forearms as your chest shuddered at thought of Shawn leaving you. You tried to keep your cries in but your ears started to hurt and your throat started to dry as you gasped for breath.

Your head was aching and your dress felt too tight now. Why was this happening to you? You wanted to yell for Shawn but then you thought about you being a burden to him.

And besides, you looked like a fucking disaster. You didn't want to ruin Shawn's rep like that.

.....

Shawn was a bit frustrated with you. You still doubted Sylvie, and it bothered him. She was such a sweet person and a great colleague. Why did you always seem to dislike her? It always annoyed him- you trying to point out some imaginary things about her. Sylvie was rolling her eyes at me; she was giving me a weird look; I think she doesn't like me; Your complaints were endless.

Niall furrowed his eyebrows at the crowd, and then looked back towards Shawn. "Shawn?" Shawn stirred his drink. "Yeah?"

"Where's Y/n?"

"Bathroom. Why?"

"Don't you think its been a long time?"

"Um-"

"Shawn you know what happens during these parties don't you?"

"Yes but-"

"Shawn go check on her or I will burst into the girl's washroom and sing Stitches."

"Ok, ok! Fine." Shawn breathed and looked around the crowd again. He breathed when he realized it had been a long time since you came. He got up and walked through the crowd, just to make sure that you weren't locked in the crowd. But you were nowhere to be seen. Shawn's heart rate started to increase. He was marching up to the ladies washroom.

Just as he went forward, trying not to bump into more drunk people- Shawn halted as a person came right in front of him. "Hi, Shawn~" He looked down to see Sylvie standing with a drink in her hand, a giddy expression on her face. "How are you?" She asked in a squeaky voice. She caressed his shoulder, going to his bicep. But Shawn was in a hurry to even process what she was doing.

"Sylvie-"

"Oh, I love it when you say my name." She said, breathily. Shawn gave her a weird look and then looked at the washrooms, they seemed so far away. "Sylvie, I have to go-"

"No please wait-" She held onto his hand. But Shawn twisted his hand out of her grasp and ran out of there. He burst into the washroom and heard small gasps and soft sobs. Shawn's heart broke; He took quick steps toward the stall and knocked. He heard a sharp gasp-- "Y/n? Honey?"

"Hello?" You squeaked out, keeping a small hope that it wasn't Shawn. "Sweetie, please open the door. For me?" You sighed and your breath shuddered. It was undoubtedly him. This was perfect- you felt even worse. You couldn't hide and you didn't have a mirror to fix yourself.

You wanted to dig a hole and die.

But you didn't have a choice now. Shawn looked up as the door clicked and you stepped out. Shawn cupped your face and studied it- you were an absolute mess.

"Shawn-"

Shawn shushed you and wiped the tears on your cheeks and kissed the red skin right under your eyes. You shivered as his cold lips touched your cheeks, and you closed your eyes as he pulled away.

"Why were you crying?" He asked directly. And you looked at the ground- You really didn't want to tell him, and lying wasn't an option because he could tell your tell on your fourth date. "Um,

I was in the stall- when some girls came into the bathroom. They started to talk- and um," You looked around uncomfortably. "I realized it was Sylvie and her friends. They said some things about me."

Shawn raised his eyebrows, "oh? What kind of things?"

"She called me a whore, and said that I was a clingy bitch and never left your side. She said that you must be," you took a deep breath. "Miserable with me." Shawn ran his hands through his hair. He couldn't believe that Sylvie would say this.

He couldn't believe that you were making these accusations.

"Are you sure it was her?" He asked. You furrowed your eyebrows. "Of course, I recognized her voice."

"But you didn't see her, did you?"

"Shawn-"

"No! Why did you always try to convince me that Sylvie hates you?"

You were completely taken back. How could he ask you this?

"You always try to tell me how bad she is-"

"I never told you that!" You shouted.

"But weren't you trying to? Weren't you? Why do you dislike her? She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met- can't you at least try to like her? At least to support me! I mean you have been nothing but unsupportive recently!" He spat at you. Your blood boiled as you heard his words. Unsupportive? "And that you bring Sylvie into all of this? God, y/n."

"Unsupportive?" You breathed. "Did you just call me unsupportive? How could you- I've always been supportive of you! I never complained when you come home so late and never texted me- I never got angry at you when you would ignore me- I always supported you through your tantrums-"

"What the fuck do you mean??"

"I'm your fucking girlfriend Shawn! I'm not your punching bag or your booty call! That whenever you want me I'll be there for you~ But it's not the way around. I always understand that your career can't always make you available, but I can't always be like this! I can't take it anymore!"

"And the fact that you don't believe me and don't fucking trust me is just-"

"God, you're such an ordinary girl," he mumbled under his breath. You looked at him, betrayal laced in your eyes. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" You asked him quietly. "You're such an ordinary girl!"

You were taken aback by his statement. An ordinary girl?

But you stayed quiet, that was your harshest answer. You were exhausted. You were tired by his actions, his expectations, and what you have faced. You couldn't do it anymore.

"If you can't handle this ordinary girl, then maybe you shouldn't be with her." You said with unshed tears in your eyes. "Maybe you should be with someone like Sylvie."

"It will be easy. She wants to be with you anyway." You said.

"What the fuck do you mean?"

You just shook your head and got out of there.

.....

Shawn was aggravated, how could you accuse Sylvie of saying such things? Shawn stormed off from the washroom after you did. His head wasn't straight at the time. Anger and frustration was running through his veins like poison. And what did you mean by that last thing you said?

"She wants to be with you anyway."

Alcohol was affecting his mind as the echo of your words ran through his ears. His head was getting dizzy. Shawn looked at the crowd and didn't find you. He panicked for awhile then remembered that you must've gone back home. Shawn wanted to ease off tonight, he had been working hard week after week. So many sleepless nights without you in his arms and he missed you so much.

But all of those sleepless nights had caught up on him and he just wanted to rest when he came back home. He didn't expect to get into that fight with you- and all that anger just wanted to be vented off.

So well, maybe Shawn realized that he had acted a bit inconsiderate.

And maybe cruel.

But she would forgive him wouldn't she?

Shawn somehow got engulfed in the crowd and was getting bumped constantly by the dancing cluster of people. He heard weird voices and someone very familiar trying to talk to him. "Shawn, buddy? Where is y/n? Are you okay?"

Shawn dismissed them and tried dancing off. Suddenly, he got pulled by someone and they started dancing with him. "Hey, Shawn." He heard someone say flirtatiously. He felt his cheeks being caressed. "Sylvie?"

"Hi silly, come on dance with me!" She said and took Shawn's hands and placed it them on her waist. "What are you doing?" Shawn asked, drunkenly. "Dancing with you, sweetie." She whispered in his ear. Shawn felt disgusted but he couldn't tell her that. He didn't want to dance with her, he wanted to dance with you. "Wait, Sylvie- I need to find y/n."

But she kept a hold on his hands. "Why? I'm here, aren't I? Anyway she left you alone." She said bitterly. "What do you mean? We just had a fight- and she said some bizarre things."

"She thought that you wanted to be with me! That's so absurd. You don't like me do you?"

Sylvie stayed silent which made Shawn panic. "Sylvi-"

She pulled him closer and whispered against his lips. "What if I do?"

Suddenly Shawn's new song started playing. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.

i wonder if you're real

Do i speak the truth or do i filter how i feel?

I wonder, wouldn't it be nice

To live inside a world that isn't black and white?

Shawn felt Sylvie's cold lips against the corner of his mouth and his whole body filled with disgust and shame. It felt wrong. It felt so wrong.

He wrote this song for you, he wanted to dance on this song with you. But you weren't here and it was all his fault. He hated himself because these words were written for you, were supposed be adored by you right now. Yet they were getting betrayed.

His heart shattered as he realized what was happening. His mind sobered up and he pushed Sylvie away with utter horror. He ran away to find you. Hoping you were home.

You weren't though.

You were walking down the quiet streets, getting drenched in rain. Tears were pouring down your face. You were so thankful that because of the rain nobody could distinguish whether the drops of water on your face were either raindrops or salty tears.

In the middle of this rain, that once you would've called so beautiful, your heart had been crushed and now fear had built. Was this the end? Were you and Shawn over?

You didn't want to think of that. But how could you not? He had totally disregarded you, over and over again. And you realized that a half-assed apology wouldn't work this time. You loved him so much.

Oh, you loved him dearly, but you had dignity and self-respect. And you were not going to let Shawn's cruel actions and your love for him to get between your self-dignity.

You sat down on one of the benches. Your sobbing wasn't stopping and you had given up now. You looked up and glanced around- The streetlights were lit, rain was dancing on the ground, and everything else was quiet.

You would've loved this. It would've been so romantic- but right now you felt empty.

Suddenly, you heard panting. Your eyes widened and you tried not to be frantic. What was it? A wild dog? "Thank god, I couldn't find you anywhere."

Your throat tightened. Shawn.

"That was the motive, Shawn." You said coldly. You didn't want to look at him. So you didn't realize that even he was crying.

"Please look at me, baby."

"What do you want?"

"You, back. Please." You stayed silent. "Love, I- When you left I got drunker and Sylvie danced with me. She-She tried to kiss me-"

Your eyes filled with tears once again. "I- You were right, baby. When she tried to kiss me, my song started to play. A new song, that I wrote for you- I didn't realize that I was hurting you and then I realized that I couldn't lose you. Those words, that-that music was composed for you, and all I wanted was you there, to be with me, in my arms to dance to that song. You're all I ever wanted, a-and I'm so sorry that I have been a total jerk to you, and I understand that you have been so patient with me and I have been taking you for granted."

"Glad you realized that."

"I'm so sorry, honey. Please give me another chance."

You stayed quiet. What he said melted your heart but you were stronger than that. You took in a deep breath albeit shaky. Restraining yourself from crying you got up, your knees weak. "Shawn, I-"

"I cannot forgive you." And because of the silence, both of your hearts shattering were audibly clear. "Just yet."

"I need time, Shawn. What you did- You didn't trust me! Your own girlfriend. I cannot forgive you just yet, and neither can I make myself trust you again. Not just like that. If you expected me to come back into your arms instantly then you were mistaken, Shawn." You said softly.

"I need time to think. And its better for now if you don't contact me for a few days." You slowly turned around. "It's best if you go back. Please take care of yourself." You said and walked away with a heavy heart.

Shawn watched as you walked away. He knew the damage he had done. He loved you so much, and he wasn't strong enough to pay the price. To stay away from you.

But he had to.

__________________________________

Thanks to-

@academiaghosts

who wanted to be tagged in every one of my fics!

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

would love to hear how the M6 handle an apprentice with a hypersomnia disorder 💛💛 someone who struggles with a lot of excessive sleepiness but really tries to push through it

Oooh, thanks for the prompt, I love it! As you didn't specify the spicy level, I'll assign ♤♡◇♧ randomly to the characters

Cracking my knuckles because it's something that hits home// The spicyness key is ◇neutral/random/funny,♡romantic/physical affection, ♧fluff/light smut,♤big dongs

So here it comes ~~~

~The hypersomniac apprentice~

~♡~

As soon as you open up to her about it, Nadia has you treated for your sleep disorder right away. Julian is sent for, and he has your treatment started by having you to keep a diary to track your sleeping, eating and exercising habits, dreams, mood, and of course any periodic cycles you may have. When he gave you the little red-line notebook, you saw an idea twinkling in Nadia's eyes, but forgot to investigate further. Shortly after, you started noticing that the palace staff you interact the most all had a tiny jade-green, golden ruled notebook with them. You wanted to ask her about it this afternoon while having tea on the veranda, but you had one of your hypersomnia episodes. When you wake up, Nadia brushes your hair from your sleepy face, greeting you with a smile. "I hope your sleep has been refreshing", she says, "in the meantime, I kept some notes for you". She handles you one of those little green notebooks that is filled, to you surprise, with little useful notes about what were you two talking about it, your immediate future agenda, the time you spent asleep and a little recap of everything that has happened.

You meet her loving gaze, speechless. "I recall how embarrassing was to ask people to fill me in on what happened during my long sleep", she explains. "I felt so cut out on the world, confused and distressed". She brushes your hand. "I made sure you will never feel as lost as I did".

~◇~

You really did try to push through this episode. Lucio looked so caught up in the game you were playing, so genuinely happy. You didn't want to let him down... but you see, trying to push through hypersomnia is awful it truly is folks, worst thing and hardly possible. Your eyelids are heavy and your neck isn't holding your head anymore. You try to rest your head against the sofa to avoid the telltale head-falling...

...but when you wake up you realize it wasn't a good idea. The lights are down, the room empty, and Lucio...? Nowhere to be seen. Your heart shrinks with guilt. You will have to apologize to him.

"Not many people know this, but Lucio has troubles sleeping. Eventually, the weight of his deeds fell upon him, robbing him of his sleep. At the beginning he started using narcotics to fall asleep, but Julian caught him immediately and made sure to put a hasty end on the dangerous habit.

Now Lucio slips into your bedroom with some dumb excuse ("thought you wanted some water" "hey, I had this WILD dream" "I'm horny") just to lay with you as you fall asleep. Watching your serene face as you sleep helps him to soothe his sleepless nights and find some kind of peace."

If you weren't so worried about letting him down, you would have put the pieces together and understood why he let you sleep -why he always lets you sleep.

~◇~

Portia knows about it, and find it so damn cute! Being the little mischievous fairy she is, she always puts you into situations where you will have troubles staying awake. This includes

getting the two of you seat for the opera in Nadia's box -this means you're next to her- and exchange giggling gazes with Asra. The three of you are the perfect partner in crime, but little did you know that you are their favorite victim.

Going stargazing with you and Muriel -he tells the BEST constellation tales and she knows that you love them and would give the world to stay awake - but joke's on her this time, for Muriel adores when his voices coddle you to sleep

Inviting you gardening in warm afternoons after some rich lunch, where she has an hard times refraining from laughing at your attempts to resist the sleep.

Today though, you realize she's doing it on purpose. In your hand there's a bunch of drawings she did of your cutest sleeping poses -they're on napkins, reciepts, grocery lists and god forbid Portia is this book from Nadia's library?!

~~~~~~~♧♤♧~~~~~~

I'll put the spicier ones (Julian, Muriel, Asra) in a reblog [THIS ONE] I'll flag as adult content :) you can alway find them from the Masterlist

Disclaimer: please remember that hypersomnia is a legit disorder that should be addressed by any means you have at hand. Don't get fooled by the "manageable" face it has: it may be caused by many underlying issues, from moderate avoidant anxiety to much more serious things. There's nothing wrong with choosing to live with it or thinking it's cute (i have it and i do), but if you do experience it, love yourself and investigate its causes! Remember, as an human being you're entitled to health.

[marilynthornhilllover]

I promise I'll look for you in a thousand life times.

Olivia crain x Fem!Reader

Warning: fluff, depression, anxiety, headaches, delusional, pills, sleep deprivation, sleep talking, nightmares, fainting, slight argument, sleep talking, pre kidnapping, almost suicide,etc.

A/N: all my THOHH fans tap in please, justice for our liv🥺. Btw this fic is a spoiler for anyone who hasn't watched the show yet, and most of this fic falls around episodes 1,4,6,8,9 and 10.

The crain family was.... different..... they weren't like other families and they knew that too. They weren't the normal family you'd meet on a daily basis. When you started working for the crain family as a babysitter, you heard many stories about the family.

How the claimed to see things. That Olivia was a witch. That the family believed in a whole lot of creepy stuff and even acted weird. That didn't bother you though.... why should it?... no one's normal, absolutely no one, no matter how hard they tried.

So what if the crain family acted a certain way, or maybe they just had special gifts that weren't quite understood by others.... and that's fine.

You met with the family for dinner three years ago, you met Nelly or rather Eleanor, theo or Theodora, Luke, steven and Shirley. They were decent kids. Kind, sweet, caring, funny even.

Something you admired about the kids were their passions. Eleanor tea cup parties, Shirley nature and taking photos, Luke adventuring or protecting Nelly. And then there were theodora and Steven who were always off doing their own things or studying something fascinating.

____

Then there was Olivia crain, Olivia was something else.... her aura was soft. She was pretty and smart and very caring and kind towards you. She loved her kids with everything in her.... her heart clung to them. She even said once that nothing or no one will ever be able to stop her from even dying for them.

The floor boards creaked as you made your way into the kitchen for breakfast. Slowing rubbing your eyes as the sun glazed partially through them from the sunset window above. You turned the corner one eye open, suddenly you bumped into someone. You stopped dead in your tracks and opened your eyes fully to see Mr. Hugh walking away quickly with a cup of coffee in his hands.

" good morning Mr. Hugh-" but before you could completely finish your sentence he was already gone from your sight. It's only then as you stood there you felt how cold the atmosphere setting was... as if someone had died.

You had only caught a glimpse of his face and something deep within told you that something was wrong this morning. You thought nothing of it and looked at everyone in the kitchen having breakfast.... except not happily.

" good morning, my loves" you spoke walking around the table to kiss every child on the forehead. There were mumbled and grumbles said back to you as you made your way into the pantry. You then noticed that you haven't seen Olivia. Which was quite strange since she's usually the first one up to help you a little bit with the kids.

You clicked the kettle and stood with your back against the counter as you waited for your water to get hot. You inspected the kids once again and something gaved you the chills. You sighed as your eyes landed on Nellie who was finding it hard to eat her scrambled eggs since they were very hot. You walked over to her and crouched down on your knees.

You tucked a strand of hair behind her hair and brushed down her fly aways. She smiled at you and you returned it.

" did you sleep well?" You asked her and she nodded chewing on another piece of her food. The real reason why you weren't the one to make the kids breakfast was because you were up the entire night with Nellie. Her nightmares are the worst. She claims she sees this lady that she calls " the bent neck lady" above her every time she opens her eyes at night.

The poor girl was scared completely out of her shadow last night, shaking and shivering in your arms, sobbing even. You sang her a little song and caressed her cheeks and brushed your fingers through her hair until she eventually had the courage to fall asleep and believe that you'd protect her.

You had told her parents above it, Olivia more times than Hugh since she's less busy and has more time to listen, and after all she was Nellie's mother but they both brushed it off as Nellie being at the age where she could handle herself.

Which is true, she was a big girl but she was still even scared of the dark, which is normal for a kid but Nellie was absolutely terrified at night, and that isn't normal. And then you had to sit at Shirley's bedside and hold her hand because she was sleep talking. Ever since the family moved to the hill house they've all been acting strange. Seeing things. Hearing things. Feeling them even. Mostly Olivia. She was the one you'd feared for more. Even more than Nellie.

" but mommy and daddy fought this morning and yelled" your brows quirked as your body stiffened. Hugh and Olivia..... fight?.... yell?.... again not normal. You tried not to make it too obvious to the little girl that you were surprised but instead tried to comfort her.

" Nellie! Don't tell her that!" Theodora shouted and Steven spiked back.

" theo don't talk to her like that! She's been with us longer than the others!" he spoke.

" so?! that doesn't mean she gets to know all of our business" theodora bit back as she stormed out, Steven quickly following behind.

" no but she's seen and heard us more than anyone has!" His voice got lower as they went deeper into the house where you could no longer hear them speak. You paid no mind to her though, she was always the feisty one, which was something you admired.

You stood there silently before Luke and Shirley placed their plates into the sink before walking past you shyly. You looked down at Nellie, searching her eyes for an silent answer.

" daddy wants mommy to go to her sisters house for the weekend because he thinks she's crazy" the little girl whispered before getting up from her seat and hugging you with tears in her eyes. You comforted her the best you could, rubbing her back and whipping her tear stained cheeks.

" it's ok Nel, I'll talk to your mom and dad ok?" She nodded and quickly exited the room, you stood there for a minute trying to process everything before you sighed deeply. You cared for Olivia and her wellbeing, especially for her mental state as of now. Olivia wasn't well. It's as the house was a vampire, sucking and draining every bit of happiness from her, plus the kids not being able to be comfortable in the house bothered her even more.

You noticed Olivia's pills in the kitchen counter cabinet, you walked towards the cabinet and took out the bottles, the one for her headaches, depression and anxiety. You walked back up the stairs and down the hallway into Olivia's and Hugh's bedroom. You weren't allowed in there but you needed to speak to Olivia urgently.

You knocked twice and waited for her to answer but there was complete silence, no approaching footsteps, no body shifting in sign of answering the door, nothing. Dead and spine chilling silence. As if there was no one at all in the room. You decided to twist the knob to see if it was unlocked, after discovering so you pushed the door and entered.

You then saw Olivia standing infront of the window in a beautiful red dress with flower patterns on it, her hair neatly tucked in her curls not a songle one out of place. What she was looking at remained unknown. You stepped further into the room and closed the door behind yourself. You waited for her to acknowledge your presence but it seems as if she never heard you enter at all.

You walked up even closer to her and noticed that her pupils were dilated all the way and there was only a thin line of crystal blue could be seen. Absolutely no sign of life in them.

" Olivia?" You called out her name softly, not wanting to snatch her from whatever mental state she was in too quickly to make it become prolonged. She slowly turned her head into your direction and smiled softly before her head snapped back to the window fast as if she was a cat haunting it's prey.

" do.... do you hear that?" She asked as she took slow steps closer towards the window.

" hear what?" You replied. At this point you were beyond worried for Olivia, she needed help, maybe Hugh's idea wasn't as bad after all.

" the whispers" she spoke up, before you can ask what whispers she shushed you by placing a finger onto your lip, tilting her head to the side as she listened again.

" there it is again.... they're calling Nellie's name..." her facial expression was unreadable, you couldn't tell if she was being serious or if the voices have really gotten the best of her. Tears filled her eyes as she leaned on your shoulder clinging to your shirt tightly with her fists.

" don't let them take her away please!" You held onto her tightly, gently letting both your body's fall to the ground. You brushed the hair away from her face and realized that her eyes were closed. She fainted..... you muttered ' shit ' before you lifted her body off the floor and placed her onto the bed.

Suddenly she gasped loudly as if she had drowned and had now been given CPR. You grabbed the back of her head and quickly sat her up against the head board. She sighed before softly started chuckling. She turned her head towards you and smiled. She raised her hand to your cheek and carefully caressed your skin.

" are you scared? Your pale" she chuckled biting her lip. You playfully touched her arm but you quickly had to pull it back. Olivia was as cold as ice, as if she wasn't alive. You decided to keep quite, she already has enough stress as we speak but she needed to know the truth.

" I think that you should atleast re think Hugh's offer, we only want wants best for you liv" you spoke clearly without a doubt In mind. Olivia's facial expression changed drastically as she looked at you as if she was totally flabbergasted.

" you believe him.... you think I'm crazy? You think that theses pills are what's allowing me to keep my sanity?" Her voice was hoarse and full of hurt.

" no! Of course not Olivia! But I want you to be able to be sane and think for yourself without the pills" she cut across you, stopping your sentence.

" but I am! Don't you believe me?!" She was getting railed up and that's the last thing you wanted to happen because it often doesn't end well.

" I do! But your not well Olivia can't you see?!" She paused, her eyes flickered as a tear rolled down her cheek. Her hand that was rested upon your thigh shook and you both looked down at the same time to look at it and she immediately looked away.

" I only want what's best for you Olivia. So please just for two days, get some fresh air, go to an amusement park or go on a nature walk" you spoke, gently caressing her thigh.

" i won't let them take Nellie away from me, not my baby" she spoke softly, leaning closer towards you.

" no one is gonna hurt them I'm right here, I promise" you whispered back, she kissed your cheek and rested her head on your chest before sighing. You both stayed like that for a while before she spoke up again.

" I wanna wake up... so badly.... why can't I just wake up...." She kept repeating this phrase over and over again and you could see the color draining from her eye. She's going to get a headaches. You quickly grabbed her compression pillow, her eye cover fabric along with her pills. You calmed her body by placing a hand on her abdomen then pushing the pillow behind her neck then placing the fabric over her eyes.

You tapped on her lips and she open her mouth to take in the pills, you brought the glass of water to her lips and held a hand under her mouth as she drank the water. She coughed slightly before turning her head away. You put down the cup and sat back down besides her. Eventually you fell asleep, this sudden tiredness washed over you as you fell into deep slumber.

You awoken in your room that the Crain's had provided for you in the house. There were thuds and loud bangs along with screaming being heard from the upstairs. You rushed up thinking someone may have broken in. Running upstairs that's when the sound of glass breaking and Olivia's screams can be heard.

" olivia!?" You call out as you ran down the hallway, you ran and ran until you felt as if you were out of breath, no matter how much you ran the hallway seemed to become longer. You could hear running footsteps everywhere.

" stop trying to take my babies away from me!" You heard Olivia scream in agony. Who's taking the kids? You tried to follow her voice as best as you could. All you heard and could hear was your thudding footsteps against the hardest of the wood and your racing heart beat.

A hand grabbed you by the waist and forced you to stop, you turned around to see Hugh, he had both Nellie and Luke lifted up in his hands both of them staring at you petrified.

" y/n we have to go now" you looked at him completely confused.

" no time for questions, the other kids are already outside in the car" you shook you head and stepped back. In the car? What about Olivia..... is Hugh the one who's taking her babies away?... before he can grab your hand again you bolted away from him with full speed. You called out Olivia's name but there was no answer, only that dead silent of the time when you entered her room. Remember the dead look in her eyes and ran faster.

You looked everywhere for her before searching upon the balcony. And there she was..... in her night gown about to leap off the edge. You swiftly grabbed her hips right before she could but it was too late.... you both went over. Falling in slow motion graciously. You could feel Olivia's fear, not of dying but leaving her children alone. Leaving Nellie and Luke out in the dark as they said. All your memories in life flashed before your eyes but the only person on your mind was Olivia.

Right before your body could hit ground you pulled her onto you. Your body hit the ground with a loud brutal thud. Your ears began to rang as you heard Olivia call out your name and touch your face, her hands still very cold. She grabbed the back of your head and placed it on her lap as she ran her fingers through your hair sobbing.

You smiled softly up at her, stretching your weak hand up to caress her cheek.

" why are you crying my love?" You asked and she sniffed.

" why didn't you go on without me?"

" how could I? " you asked, and she began to cry more and your eyes fought to stay open. You knew you were dying but you needed five more minutes for your last words. Olivia cradled your body as close as possible to hers.

" I couldn't let you die alone liv" you whispered as you slowly felt all your organs shut down one by one. Her eyes filled with more tears, clinging onto your shirt she whispered no over and over again.

" guess what...." You breathed as you breath began to leave your body.

" what?" She whispered.

" I believed you.... I always did..... you aren't crazy..." You gasped before tightly holding onto her hand.

" no, please, I'm so sorry" she muttered repeatedly as she left kisses all over your face.

Olivia will forever be grateful for your sacrifice and she'll continue to live for you.... because you'll forever live in her. Olivia did wake up.... you woke her up..... she stopped having her headaches. Nellie missed you the most. How you'd stay up with her and help her cope with her nightmares, how you'd swore to protect her.

" dont be, I promise I'll look for you in a thousand life times" and with that sentence you took your last breath. Olivia felt as your hand slowly realased hers as your body relaxed. She cried out loudly tears clouding her vision she tightly hugged your body.

There's nothing more you wanted than to die for Olivia crain. Noting more you wanted than for Olivia crain to not be dead. To not lose herself thinking that everyone thought that she was crazy or needed to see an psychiatrist or mental help. Because all the really needed was someone to listen. Someone to hold her. Be there for her..... she no one was. She gaved comfort but never received it in return.

It's sad that not even Hugh or her kids or Carla never once sat down with Olivia and talked to her like the normal human being she was..... they all thought she was crazy. But never once did they stop to wonder if she was truly ok. To actually listen to her for once. Because behind the dreams that she has, behind the headaches. Olivia was just a human being who wanted to find herself, who just wanted to wake up.

She'd die for her children. While someone else died for her. Olivia was heartbroken as she attended your funeral. Seeing how your mother broke down. She'll forever think about the opportunities you'd miss, her silly joke about pandas not liking macaroni, the family dinners, Shirley's random photos on a Sunday, Nellie silly tea parties, Steven's book speeches, theodoras crazy conspiracy theories, Luke's wild guess as to how trees can re plant themselves in outer space.

Most of all Olivia will miss your eyes, the way they'd lit up when she sang or when you were around the kids, your gigles when she told you a joke or when theodora chased you around the yard for Halloween. Your kisses, your hugs your words of affection and affirmation. She sighed as she pastor continued the eulogy. She looked outside the church and saw you.

You waved and winked.

" I love you" you whispered before flying away. She smiled.

" and I'll forever love you" she whispered back.

Hill house will forever have its history written in black and it's past owners reminded of the lives it took. But we must cherish our memories made because the rest is just confetti. Hill house.... not sane, stands against its hills holding darkness within. It has stood so for a hundred years and will stand so for a hundred more, and thoses who walk there..... walk alone, sorry and thoses who walk there walk together......

A/n: sorry not sorry to all the hearts I broke with this because where are all of the Olivia fics on here?!?!? Not even one🥺and my baby deserves better?!? Tbh if I was in the TV show I'd hold livs hand and jump with her😤. Anyway hope you enjoyed!

[hoidn]

okay so i watched all eight episodes of 1899 in one go on monday and i cannot stop Having Thoughts. quite honestly it is the most superbly executed narrative i've ever encountered outside of literature. the sheer thematic scope and complexity is breathtaking. THEY WROTE A GREEK TRAGEDY about all my favourite things and it begins with an emily dickinson poem. !!! the universe was aiming its arrow right at my brain with this one.

(so of course it wasn't renewed. given that la révolution also wasn't renewed, i'm forced to conclude that tptb at netflix have something against thoughtful and nuanced excellence in storytelling.)

this is one of those times i especially miss metafandom because i'm sure there've been discussions about everything my brain is yelling at me but how the hell does one find the good shit anymore? or even the bad shit, for that matter. so here you go, tumblr frēonds, have yet another brain dump that nobody asked for or cares about.

a list of topics covered by 1899 that i recall after watching the entire thing once, in no particular order:

the nature of identity

the nature of reality

how grief warps both the self and the perception of reality

the often inexplicable nature of trust

the human brain's capabilities

the inherent untrustworthiness of memory and the irony that it's all we have

explorations of female identity

the many meanings of freedom

communication!! — trying to understand and be understood through barriers of language, of levels of reality, of technology

the destructive nature of religious zealotry (and christianity in general *internal sigh*)

classism

patriarchy

homophobia (both social and internalised)

the beautiful and horrific acts humans will commit in the name of love

the looming shadow of the male authority figure

space as a concept, both literal and psychological: liminal spaces, confinement

'the odyssey', obviously

the trope of the mad woman in the attic (this one gets its own post because I Have A Lot To Say)

now let's talk ancient greek references!

[1] the names of both ships come from ancient greek mythology: prometheus stole fire from the gods to give to humans and was sentenced to eternal punishment; kérberos (or cerberus) was the multi-headed dog who guarded the gates of the underworld to prevent the dead from leaving.

[2] in ancient greek philosophy, there were four classical elements; this concept was taken up in western alchemy, which made a hobby out of giving everything a glyph or symbol. the symbols of the four elements are triangles:

🜂 = fire 🜄 = water 🜁 = air 🜃 = earth

[3] it's been four months since the prometheus went missing. what, i wondered, is the significance of the number 4? in greek numerals 4 is represented as Δ´. oh, look, a triangle. and what's a triangle in three-dimensional space? a pyramid. and what's a pyramid geometrically speaking? a tetrahedron! which has 4 faces and 4 vertices. it's also the smallest possible platonic solid and plato associated it with the element fire. i don't know enough about geometry or philosophy to take these associations any further, but, as shakespeare would say, come the futtock on. this level of detail is RIDICULOUS and EVERYTHING TO ME.