#watched the last couple of mins with no headphones so idk what just happened but hes yelling again. andrey come on

[muirneach]

i have to go to class now so i cant watch anymore but mentally im grabbing andrey by the shirt and yelling do NOT. fuck this up.

[toomuchracket]

more dad!matty for you for whenever you feel like it. I'm thinking about a very tiny, very smart 3 year old whos a carbon copy of her dad and one day after you finish work in the study, you go up to her room to find her holding an audience with all her stuffed toys. You stand behind the door and watch for a bit and baba's none the wiser because she's so engrossed. After a bit you realise what's happening, she's copying her dad. You've taken her to a few of his interviews before to show her the bts and also because she loves hanging out with her dad and her uncles. so now she's basically just imitating everything she's seen.

And you FT matty instantly, because maybe he's on tour at that point idk, and you shush him first and tell him to stay quiet while you point the camera at your daughter. and he absolutely cannot fucking handle the cuteness and he's trying so hard not to coo and squeal through the phone at her. and she's just babbling away to her toys and at one point she says a big word that none of you recognises and then she says it again at which point you clock that it's her trying to say "juxtaposition" but she's 3 and doesn't entirely know how to say it yet so you quietly tell matty what's happening and that's the point he loses it. and he's like "oh my precious girl, who's my smartest girl in the world. you are!!"

Baba obviously hears him and she comes running to you because she thinks her dad is home and he's just there through the phone like "can you say that for me again? can you say that word again?" 😭

baba 2, literally a matty clone!! you've picked her up from her half-day at nursery after WFH in the morning, and after you've both had a little bit of lunch you get her settled in her room with all her toys and a fruit shoot drink, before you head back to the study to just have a final glance over the legal report you finished earlier. and you go back up after maybe 30/45 mins to get her ready for a little walk before you both pick up her big sister from school, and as you reach the landing you can hear her chatting away to herself happily through the open door - when you get closer, you're able to pick out familiar words and phrases amidst the three-year-old rapid fire speech pattern, like "write a song about" and "wanted it to sound like", and you start smiling because you know what - or rather who - she's imitating. when you get closer and you can see her, you have to try so hard not to giggle; she's sat on her bed, talking to the teddy at the other end, with her protective headphones for shows on one ear and holding one of the microphones that plugs into your old xbox for singstar lmao, clearly doing an impression of matty from the radio interview he did last week that you all attended with him.

he and the guys are in new york for a couple of days, just finalising production on a new EP they're putting out in a few months, and it's maybe 9am for him so you figure he'll answer a facetime call - you duck into your bedroom quickly so baba doesn't hear, but you can still see her across the hall, and call matty. he picks up immediately like "hi sweetheart!", and you're like "hi my darling, just wanted to show you something, but you need to keep quiet!" and you dash back across the landing and flip the camera so he can see your daughter, still doing her interview bit. matty beams anyway at the sight of his littlest girl, his smile growing even more when he clocks what she's doing and saying; he actually has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop from cooing at how adorable she is, or cackling when she makes a confused facial expression that's just so him. and she goes a little bit quieter when she tries to say juxtaposition, because she's a little bit unsure of the pronunciation, and matty's like "what's she saying?" - you listen again and flip the camera around, grinning, like "juxtaposition", and matty cannot stop himself laughing a proper, full-belly laugh and going "oh, my baby!", so naturally seconds later your daughter appears in the doorway like "daddy?", headphones still half-on and her little face just lit up. you scoop her up so she can see matty, who's making little kissy noises and being like "were you pretending to be me? my clever girl, i am so proud of you, using all those big words! can you say juxtaposition for me again, precious girl?" - she nods and then says it like "just-a-position", and you and matty both cheer (because that's good for when you're literally three!!) while she snuggles into your neck giggling. and then she's like "miss you, daddy. home soon?", and matty does a sad little pout like "i miss you too baby, miss all of my girls. but i'll get home tomorrow night while you're asleep, so i'll see you in two mornings, alright?"; she nods again and then perks up to ask "will you have presents?", which makes you and matty laugh, and he's like "tell you what, i'll call you back once you and mummy have picked up your sister, and you can tell me what you want me to bring back from america. yeah?" and your daughter's like "deal" lmao <3

[nanamismoonchild]

pairing: tea shop owner! Yoongi x idk! reader

characters: reader, yoongi, ex-seokjin, jungkook

genre: fluffy fluff

warnings: none, if you don’t count the general cheesiness of it all :D

Summary: It’s one of the perfect days to run errands but those are soon forgotten when Yoongi needs help making orders for Valentine’s Day!

WC: 2.3k 

A/N: this was an attempt at practice world-building since i want to do fantasy fics,  and it is for the lovely @iridescentjin​, my secret love, for the secret admirers event. i hope you like and enjoy it, i tried to incorporate somethings I’ve seen on your blog that you like.  

Waking up to the soft cuddles of teddy bears would always be your favorite thing. No matter how old you got. You had so many, but they all had a special little place in your heart. To you, waking up with the soft bears meant that it was going to be good--no, it was going to be a great day. 

As you throw the blankets away and wiggle out of bed, you smile and stretch your still tired muscles.  Having showered the night before, you only have to freshen up a little before putting on your most comfortable walking clothes. It was your off day and you planned on getting everything on your to-do list done while the universe was gracing you with a good day.  Starting with a quick stop at the boba tea cafe at the end of your street. 

The drinks there were famous in your part of the district, leaving the other districts upset that they couldn't crossover to get a drink. That’s what they said anyway, but you knew they only wanted to meet the tea shop owner, Min Yoongi. The mysterious, timid man that always seemed to make your regular drink taste different each time.  You hoped today would be the day he allowed you to watch him make a couple of drinks.

Stepping out of the apartment with a pep in your step, you join two of the other tenants at the elevator doors. One of them who you despised. 

“Y/N! I see you’ve crawled out of bed like the spider thing you are.”

“Seokjin. Your insults are worsening by the day. Perhaps your old age is getting to you.”

Kim Seokjin was your ex-boyfriend. The relationship dwindled into nothing but the two of you becoming enemies. He was too selfish and you were too stubborn to realize it was happening. So here you were--throwing petty jabs at one another to hide your pining. 

At least that’s what you called it. 

“Ah, how you wound me.” 

The elevator doors opened and the three of you stepped in. The other person made it a point to stand as far from the two of you as possible. 

“Where are you heading off to? You’re never up this early on a weekend.”

“I decided to get some errands done today and I read that it’s best to get it done early. How about you?”

“Ah, the 2nd district is having a problem with their taxi systems. The taxis are taking them into different districts. Highly illegal, and I have to fix it.”

There were twenty districts in all, and it was illegal for any of them to cross-over without proper paper works.  Population control was an all-important cause in the day and age. The 2nd district was the largest of the districts and if any of them were passing over, it would cause a commotion.  Most jobs in your district didn’t require the need to travel to the other districts, but Seokjin had been chosen to be a system repairman. He had wanted to be an actor and model. Alas, the system found that his skills would be more reliable in repairs, and it paid well above what you were making too. 

“Good luck. I heard the 2nd district has the worst hospitality.”

“With this face, the meanest person would show me grand hospitality.”

The elevator dinged as it opened the doors. Rolling your eyes at his vain statement, you step out of the elevator and breathe in the morning dew air.  It was the perfect day to walk through the district.

Blue skies, fluffy clouds, and the smell of pastries wafting in the air. Your stomach growled, making you practically run to the tea shop. 

The bell alerted Yoongi to another customer’s presence. It was the day before Valentine’s Day, and the orders were gradually becoming more than he could handle alone. Thankfully, his cousin Jungkook had managed to find a break between streaming and could help later. Yoongi only had to survive for three more hours---if he didn’t start crying before then. 

Usually, he could handle three hundred orders a day, but people from the other districts had somehow found out about his shop and were requesting deliveries. He didn’t even know how they expected him to do that! There was no way he could get a license to deliver in a mere day.  

Suppressing a groan, he made his way into the dining room. It was empty except for the few customers who were waiting for their daily boba.  And you. 

Yoongi enjoyed your company, and would normally have your drink prepared and ready.  However, today was different and he didn’t think he would be able to do it.  

“Y/N! Happy to see you.”

“Yoongi! I’m happy to see you as well. Busy?”

“Actually, yes. I have about five hundred orders to do before closing. Everyone decided to order last minute. Completely unexpected,” Yoongi sighed, the exasperation beginning to show on his face. 

Yoongi watched as you put your bag in a nearby chair and glanced at him. “How many have you done so far?”  

“Pfft, so far, I would say one hundred. Had to come at three am to get started.”

Watching as you teetered on your legs in deep thought, Yoongi began to draw himself back into the kitchen. He couldn’t waste time talking--or flirting-- with you as much as he would like.  

“What if I helped?”

Yoongi spun around almost losing his footing. You had been so quiet asking that he almost hadn’t heard you. But he did. 

“I would love that, but I have a friend coming in a couple of hours. I think I’ll be able to manage in the meantime.”

“Yoongi, it’s almost ten in the morning. You’ve only made one hundred drinks in seven hours. I’m helping you. Give me an apron and recipes and I’ll do my best.”

Yoongi muttered under his breath, something about calling him out, and went into his back room to fetch an apron for you. He knew he needed your help, but your presence could possibly distract him. He’d had a crush on you since the first time he opened. You had been new to boba and had no idea what to get and after a moment of getting to know a few of your likes and dislikes, he had made a drink he thought was perfect. It was now your usual, and he took deep pride in it. 

“Under district law, I’m going to have to pay you.”

“Sweet. Let’s get started.”

 Yoongi already had the ingredients laid out in the kitchen. All you had to do was follow the recipes he had written in his book. There were no measurements. 

Tutting, you resist fretting at the lack of teaspoons and cups in the recipe book and mime Yoongi.  It wasn’t as easy as you’d thought it would be. The brown-haired man made it a point to throw in tiny bits or large bits of the ingredients. 

By the time he had made it through three, you had only just begun to finish one drink.  Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. 

“Alright, this isn’t the most efficient thing to do. I suck at making these. Is there anything else I could do?” You turned towards the man, huffing a little from your frustration.

Yoongi did the same, mimicking your huff as well. 

“If you have a car and a license to go to the other districts, then yes. But otherwise, no.”

“You need deliveries done?”

Yoongi nodded as he finished off another drink and placed it into a drink carrier that was already filled with three other drinks. 

“I honestly don’t even know why I confirmed all of these. Well, I thought the addresses were from this district until I looked at a map,” he paused, “after I confirmed them.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. The poor man had doomed himself by accident.  

“You’re lucky I have both. I can definitely do everything that needs to be.”

He smiled at you, a full-on gummy smile that made your cheeks heat. 

“I could never thank you enough.”

“I mean,” you roll eyes nonchalantly, “You could give me free bobas from now on. Just a thought.”

“I can make that happen,” he giggled.  

 By the time, Jungkook had come in to help, you had already delivered most of the orders that Yoongi had finished. Most of them were in the second district and the traffic there was atrocious. Seokjin was already finished with the taxi system update and everyone was running to prepare last-minute Valentine’s outings.  You had seen a couple of men running out of the superstore with giant teddy bears during one delivery. 

It made you a little jealous if you were honest. You were as single as a pringle--thanks to Seokjin breaking up with you only two years ago. No one had really been interested enough to date, and none of them had been intimate enough to have more than a one-night stand. 

No one besides Yoongi, but he had never shown interest in you, and your lack of flirtation to him obviously didn’t help. Yoongi was everything you wanted. 

His physique showed that he was a strong man, probably from carrying huge baskets of strawberries to and from his kitchen.  His eyes were dark brown, and every time he would make eye contact, you would melt. And his smile--when he truly smiled and not one of the timid ones he would give other customers-- could always brighten your day. 

However, he was only a dream. The man was married to his shop and craft. 

Opening the door to the shop, you can see Jungkook, a friend of Yoongi’s, jamming to something that was playing in his headphones. He didn’t pay attention to you coming in. 

Yoongi was nowhere to be seen. You hoped he was taking a break. 

“Jungkook!” Nothing. You walked in front of him and waved in front of his face. “Jungkook!”

He practically threw off his headphones, his doe eyes bulging. “Oh. Hi! Y/N! You’re back already.”

“Yeah. A bunch of the houses was close together. I’m assuming they all recommended the tea shop to each other.”

“It is the best in all of the districts,” he bragged. 

“True. Where’s Yoongi?”

“I think he went to go and get some rest in the backroom. We’re actually almost done. I think we have about one hundred more to go.”

“Wow, seriously?”

“Yeup!”He popped the “p” at the end.  “A bunch of the orders cancelled for some reason. Shame. Or not shame, but that would’ve been really good money for Yoongi.”

“It would’ve. I wonder what happened.”

“Break-ups. Got something else. Couldn’t afford it...Who knows?” He put his headphones back on and started playing his music again, signaling the end of the conversation. 

You left Jungkook to his music and went to seek out Yoongi.  He was slumped over his laptop desk, a light snore coming from him.  You almost didn’t want to wake him. He was the most relaxed you’d seen him all day, and he couldn’t have gotten a ton of sleep since he had to wake up earlier than usual.  It was by pure chance that nearly three hundred orders had cancelled.  You knew it had been good for business, and the people who cancelled could go to hell, but you were thankful for the chance to watch Yoongi nap. As weird as it sounded. 

“Y/N?”

Jumping out of your thoughts, you see that Yoongi had woken up from his catnap and was standing up.

Your cheeks warmed and you looked away in embarrassment.  “Oh, um, hi. Uh, I just got back from the delivery, and Jungkook told me I could find you in here, but you were napping and I was going to walk out, but I kind of zoned out, and uh, yeah.” The rambling stutter came out too quickly and you were unsure if Yoongi had even understood you. 

He smiled. The gummy smile and a rosy blush was creeping into his cheeks. 

“Y/N, you’re cute.”

“Cute?”

“Yes, cute. I was actually working on something back here before I fell asleep so I’m happy you came in.”      

Peering at him in curiosity, you gasp when he takes your hand and leads you further into the room where a heart-shaped cake and your favorite tea sat on a table decorated in a red tablecloth. 

Turning to look at Yoongi, eyes wide in surprise, you see he has the biggest smile on his face, but his eyes were filled with nervousness.

“I know it’s a whole day before Valentine’s, but I’m going to be swamped tomorrow with orders from couples who want to spend their day out and about.  

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now--ever since you came tumbling into the tea shop. You were so pretty with your naivety of bobas. It was such an honor to me to get to know you and make a tea special for you and only you. I don’t do that for a lot of customers. And that’s the thing. You were never a customer to me, but someone I wanted to get to know further. Of course, I was a chicken and didn’t ask you out then. 

“So I’d thought I’d do it now. Especially after you helped me get rid of a ton of stress.  I had Jungkook bake the cake while you were gone. But I made the tea as usual because I want to be your usual. Will you allow me to take you on a date?“ 

Grinning at the cheesy line, you take in his words. They were corny, but they melted your heart all the same.  It was almost a marriage proposal, and, honestly, you wouldn’t have minded if he had asked.

Your answer would’ve been the same because your feelings for him were steady.  

With all the elation and exultation you could muster, you answer, “Yes.”

[3inghao]

HEY HI HELLO ITS CRUSH ANON so like last week i was just chilling in the big room watching stranger things and my back was to the door so i didnt even know it when it happened but apparently he just like walked in and was like ,,, there ,,, LOOOL and i was still watching stranger things and i had my headphones on and i was really focused (and trying to distance myself from him a lil lol) so i didnt like look up from the screen or acknowledge him but he started talking to my other roomie (1/10)

and was like ‘omg wtf she hasnt even acknowledged me since i walked in .. jeez’ and then he started saying like fake spoilers and trying to get my attention but i just like was not up for that so i just kept watching and ignoring him lol but then the episode ended after like 2 min and i was like !!!! hi what tf do you want :) LOOOL and he was like wow hi ok LMAO and we just started talking and he was waiting for our other roommate who was in the shower bc they were supposed to do a shoot (2/10)

for one of classes but we just kept talking until she got out of the shower and then the two of them left ,, and then after that our other roommate came home from her class and she was like ‘yeah omg so me and y (who is actually one of xs roommates) are writing a song for our final project !! wanna hear what we have so far?’ and we were like HELL YEAH SLKDGSLDKGH LOOOL so yeah she played it for us and it like deadass was really good !! and she was like yeah y did most of it lol but yeah (3/10)

she was like guys help me with the lyrics and so we started brainstorming lyrics and we were like so what do you want it to be about? and she was like hmm idk but probably something about my relationship with our other guy friend who shes into LMAOO and i was like hm so like ,,,, mixed signals ? and she was like YES OMG thats so good ok so we started off of that and then i was like hm so who do you want to be singing it ? like a guy or a girl ? do you want the lyrics to be from your pov? (4/10)

and she was like hm i want them to be like my perspective like what im feeling but have it come from a boy bc i want x to be the singer on the track and i was like omg ok !! but on the inside i was like SGKHSLDGHSL LOOL and then a little after that our friends invited us over to their dorm to watch la la land so we went and in the middle of the movie x came and apparently its one of his favorite movies too and so like ,, during the duet scenes between emma stone and ryan gosling (5/10)

a couple people would start the song but theyd always drop out somehow and only like ,, me and x would end up finishing the song LOOOL and we ended up just doing all the duets together sdklgsldkgk it was ,,, so nice but yeah after the movie our friends still had like a shit ton of work to finish so some of us left but x invited us up to his room and so me and my roomie thats writing the song went and x wanted to get wine (lol) so my roomie and y stayed in their room and worked on the song (6/10)

so me and x went to the liquor store alone to get it and ahhhhhh like wow it was s o n i c e bc it felt like the first time in probably ever that i could interact with that boy and not feel like i was dying inside LMAO like i mean i was still dying inside but i was treating him like a friend and it was coming so naturally and i dont know how to explain it but i just felt so incredibly relaxed and comfortable and idk like obviously there were some times or some things hed do where my brain (7/10)

would just scramble and go skjslgkskjlhsg but otherwise i was fine i just like ,, felt fine. idk. anyways so we get the wine and come back and then we crack it open and then we all just start ,, working on the song LOOOL even though it was my roomie and ys project we all just started pitching in with lyrics and it was like all about mixed signals and like not knowing how the other person is feeling and wanting to take the relationship one step further but being afraid to bc of not knowing (8/10)

what the other person is hiding and the entire time i was like wow this shit is sooo ironic bc x is going to be singing this about a girl even though these are the literal complete feelings i have for him so on the outside i was getting really into it and coming up with a bunch of shit but on the inside i was like :^))))))) wow i wonder how im able to tap into these emotions so easily i really just :^)))) dont know wow :^)))))))))))) amazing :^)))))))))))))) but yeah anyways that happened (9/10)

and every time wed finish writing a line wed have x sing it to see how it would sit on the instrumental and sldkhgsldslkdh ohhh my god his voice is literally so beautiful i was d y i n g LOOOL and yeah during the night there were moments where hed touch me or wed kinda flirt and idk yeah those moments i was dying but at the same time i was acknowledging the fact that i was dying and acknowledging the fact that it probably didnt mean anything and separating it from the way i was acting so (10/10)

AHHHH wow crush anon it’s been a hot second but can i just say he sounds super into you there’s no way that boy is not crushin on you. please let me know how the song turned out! also your love life could easily be the plot of a fanfic i would very much read 

[surveysonfleek]

435.

When was the last time you used a pair of ear/headphones? a couple days ago.

Have you ever tried to count to infinity? no, what a waste of time.

Do you like making mixed cds? when i was younger, yeah. now i just make playlists.

Would you want to live forever if it meant being a tree? no.

What is the strangest thing you’ve put chocolate on? nothing that weird.

Could you earn a good living selling weed? i mean you probably could but i personally wouldn’t do it.

How would you use a photographic memory? to remember diagrams and stuff.

What would you do tomorrow if you had $500? nothing lol. keep it.

What body hair gets the most attention? the hair on my head?

What’s your favorite commercial? none. i hate ads.

Do you like pie? i mean i do but it’s never my first choice for a meal/dessert.

Do you appreciate dishwashers? i’ve never had one.

If you could change someone else’s past, what would you change? i wouldn’t.

What’s the worst experience you don’t remember? being bitten by a dog.

Are your dreams usually cheerful? nah.

What’s your favorite color of eyeliner? black.

How’s the weather where you are at? it’s nice.

Anything bad happen today? yeah. i didn’t get off work early lol.

Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube? probably. but it’d take forever.

What was the last thing that you microwaved?  leftovers.

Did you have an easy-bake oven when you were little?  no.

Have you ever seen a donkey?  yes.

Do you like sheep? no.

Do you like dogs?  yes.

Do you have one?  yes.

Do you ever want to be married?  someday.

Do you take a lot of pictures?  not as much as i used to.

Where is the boy you want most? sleeping.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? in bed sleeping.

What is your current mood? tired.

Where are you going tomorrow? work.

Who was the last person you yelled at? i forgot.

Do you think you’ll be a good Mother/Father? hopefully!

The last thing you drank?  water.

What’s in your pocket?  no pockets.

What colour are your fingernails? dark red.

Have you ever left school just because you didn’t want to be there?  yes.

Did anything cute happen today? no.

What are you currently hearing? nothing.

Are you afraid of the dark? only if i’m not familiar with my surroundings.

Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings? depends who it is.

Do you have a common first name? no.

Do you like your middle name or your first name more? first.

What year would/did you turn 21? 2011.

What was popular when you were a kid? barbies, pokemon, sailor moon.

Do you wear more rings or necklaces? necklace.

Have you ever been engaged? no.

Can you see your veins through your skin? kinda.

Do you worry about having good grammar online? yeah.

Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? yes.

Did your parents let you have pets when you were a kid? when i was 12 so yeah.

Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? neither.

Do you like spicy chips? no.

Do you have any ‘different’ keychains on your keys/purse? i guess.

Do you collect pins? sorta. whenever i stay in hotels, i’ll take the pen.

What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? the weeknd.

Do you wear more pink or yellow? neither.

Have you ever been out of the state you were born in? yes.

Do you have any tattoos on your arms? no.

Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? no.

When was the last time you felt jealous? idk been awhile.

What’s the last thing you bought besides food/drink? petrol.

What album is the last song you listened to from? idk.

Who scheduled your last doctor visit? me.

What’s the last video game you played? tekken.

Do you have anything on your wrists right now? my bracelet.

Do you have any holiday theme’d socks? nope.

What kind of accent do you have? australian.

What’s the last funny movie you watched? i forgot.

Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? of course.

Is there anyone who you just absolutely cannot STAND being around? yes.

What is the design on your shirt? it has minnie mouse on it.

Do you know anyone who just flat-out fails at life? no.

Are you a Ghoulscout? no.

Do you know someone who’s just always wrong about everything? haha kinda.

Do you make fun of people often? no.

Do you read your friend’s surveys? none of my friends do surveys.

If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? i wouldn’t.

How do you feel about band tattoos? it’s whatever.

How much are you willing to pay for a pair of sunglasses? if it has my prescription lens in it, quite a lot.

What is the origin of your last name? spanish, but i’m filipino.

Do you ever use the n-word? no.

What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? none in particular.

What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? i haven’t dyed my hair in years.

What country do you live in? australia.

Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? i did until i could drive.

Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? steak.

Are you any good at applying make up? i guess so.

Do you misuse commas? no.

Have you ever bitten your dentist? no.

Are you someone who likes to make simple things difficult? no.

Who makes you laugh the most? my boyfriend.

Do you have any plans for this weekend? not sure yet. games night on sunday tho.

Do you crack your knuckles? sometimes.

Coffee or Tea? both.

Do you know anyone named Matt? yes.

Wearing any bracelets? yes.

When were you last outside? 30 min ago.

Do you need someone to cheer you up right now? no.

Are your nails painted? yes.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah hopefully.

Do you think you’d make a good parent? i hope so!

You start crying. Who do you want by your side? my boyfriend.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? yes.

Did someone screw you over lately? yes.

Would you ever get your hips pierced? no.

If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go? if i didn’t have to spend anything, then yeah.

Who was the first person you talked to today? my bf.

What’s your favorite musical? les miserables.

How do you get to sleep? i’ll fall asleep if i’m tired or i’ll read.

What happened at the last party you went to? eh, idk.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? yes.

What’s your hair like at this present moment? down.

Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? lying down for sure.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? idk there’s been a lotttt.

Are you an untidy person? no.

Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? nah, i always preferred bsb.

Do you watch a lot of television? no.

Do you think you’re fat sometimes? yes.

Do you like to flex your muscles? no.

Do you think you’ll ever get plastic surgery? no.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? yup.

Favorite kind of cake: anything moist.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? boy.

Name something you are doing tomorrow? working :(

Do you sleep on your stomach? yes.

Where are you going to be at 4:00 p.m. tomorrow? leaving home to go to work.

Are you missing someone? yes.

Do you like horror or comedy? comedy.

Who did you last share a taxi with? my bf and friends.

Dogs or cats? dogs.

What were you doing at 12 this afternoon? sleeping.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? yes.

What’s your favorite season? Why? autumn, it’s my perfect kind of weather.

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? idk.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? yes.

Who was the last person you hugged? my bf.

Do you think you would be a good parent? wtf lol i swear this survey has asked this three times?

When was the last time you cried? it’s been a couple weeks.

Who was driving the last time you were in a car? me.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? yes.

Do you like your bed? yes.

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? yesterday.

How much cash do you have on you? a couple coins, i never carry cash.

Are you tanned? no.

Did you get any compliments today? no.

Have you ever gone to court? yes but to watch my boyfriend graduate as a lawyer.

Do you get jealous easily? no.

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? no.

What are you doing Saturday? idk yet.

What is in your back pocket? no pockets.

What were you doing at 3:00 a.m. this morning? netflix.

What do you usually do first in the morning? check the time.

Are you any good at math? kinda.

Any plans for Friday night? not yet.

Do you have a little crush on someone? more than a crush.

When’s the last time you ran?
 it’s been awhile lol.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? nope.

What are you dreading right now? working tomorrow.

Do you celebrate 420? no.

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? not always.

If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would ya’ll do? lay around, watch youtube, tv shows or movies and pig out.

Who last grabbed your ass? my bf.

Have you ever been on your school’s track team? no.

Do you own a pair of Converse? yes.

Did you copy and paste this survey? duh.

Do you eat raw cookie dough? sometimes.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? no.

Don’t you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? yes.

Do you watch Trading Spaces? no.

How do you eat oreos? by themselves.

Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? back in high school yeah.

Are you cocky? yeah.

Could you live without a computer? probably but i’d prefer to have one.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? only downstairs.

Who or what sleeps with you? nothing.

At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? maybe around 7 but i pretended to believe in him.

What do you do when you’re sad? sleep.

Who would you call first if you won the lottery? my family.

Last time you saw your best friend? thursday.

Are you in high school? no.

What jewelry are you wearing? necklace and bracelet.

Is anyone on your bad side now? no.

What’s the first thing you do when you get online? go on youtube.

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? no.

Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? only out on convenience. if it’s cold etc.

Where do you work? casino.

What are you doing tomorrow? working.

Do you return your cart? most of the time lol.

Do you have a dishwasher? no.

What noise do you hear? faint sounds of traffic.

Would you survive in prison? probably not.

Who is the youngest in your family? my cousin.

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely overpack? me lol.

What’s the last thing you purchased? gas.

Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? yes!

What brand are your pants right now? not wearing pants.

Ever been to Georgia (the state)? yes.

What irritates you most on the internet? buffering.

What brand is your digital camera? canon.

Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? yes.

Are you taking college classes right now? no, i finished.

Do you like sushi? yes.

Do you get your hair cut every month? no, i should though.

Do you go online everyday? yes.

What makes someone a best friend? knowing everything about each other, someone you can rely on and laugh with.

[in-the-midst-of-everything]

Hey today was one fuck of a day!!!

Idk if I should bitch about it first or talk about yesterday, cuz yesterday was pretty good. But damn. Today just fucking sucks. I think I will do that first cuz ending with happy thoughts sounds like a better idea. And I gotta get this off my chest.

So we went to biolife yesterday and couldn't donate, so we both loaded up on iron and tried again today. Nothing. Both of us got turned away for one point below safe iron levels. Idk how?? I usually have good luck with donating, only if I haven't eaten enough I get turned away, but I had plenty of food in the prior 24 hours, ate a bowl of toasty-o's (80% daily iron value???) Which usually does the trick but nah. A wasted trip up to point, planned on coming home with $50 in gas money but NOPE. Now I'm down to 13 (?) on my biolife card and $75 to my name otherwise. That's it. That's all I got. So much for getting my shit sorted out in 2k18 cuz I am waaaaaaaaaaay behind on that plan. I have money coming from uncle Tim and Kathy, plus 2 art commissions I need to kick my ass into gear for, so I'll be ok but FUCK man. It's fucking July in a week and I'm STILL fucking scraping by

And I am PISSED at Sharon but I don't know how to tell her cuz I've been trained out of being confrontational my entire life and I don't wanna lose my damn job cuz she's been an absolute bitch lately. But I'm STILL getting half fucking paychecks cuz I guess I'm still paying off the forwarded money from this winter, I wasn't aware this would be going halfway the fuck into summer, I've drained my savings paying bills and fixing my fucking car I have next to nothing left. I can't buy food. I can't buy alcohol to cope, I can't do literally anything cuz I'm motherfucking broke. I was supposed to have money saved up to take the cats to the vet, get my motorcycle liscence and start looking for a bike, save money for a road trip this fall, but fuck ALL of that cuz I'm cruzing through the year by skin of my teeth.

And the big kicker, the motherfucking cherry on top, I haven't been getting my full 40 each week. Sharon has some kind of crisis going on that she's watching her money, so I missed 5 hours last week cuz she didn't have anything for me to do??? Bull fucking SHIT there is SO MUCH that needs to be done around that fucking place but she sent me home. ON TOP OF cutting my summer hours from 10/day to 9.5 to 9.75. Which isn't a huge change but really???? Just. WHY.

And I also mentioned she's been damn near unbearable all year so far, everything I thought she wanted from me is flipped now. I started clocking in right from the start 5 mins early. Cuz she specifically sat me down and told me last year she hated me being there on the dot, that I could punch in 5 mins early. Well now I guess I clock out early too, "just in case you go over time". Which is easy enough to fucking fix, just clock out sooner next day BUT WHATEVER. IDFK SHARON.

And I didn't say anything when she first told me this shit cuz I can't process information that fast and what it means on my end so I just agree on the spot and fuck myself over.

SO. I went into work today an hour later by her request, after a whole morning of low key panicking about money and doing the nasty ass dishes. She left almost immediately after showing me what to clean up by the big garage, and after I washed the rtv I fucked off and sat in the office with Holly for an hour. Cuz I needed someone to talk to, just bs with and not anything important. And it was pretty good. I had developed a migraine on the way home from point and chilling out in the office helped it. I spent the next 7 hours weed whacking the shit outta the mess around the big garage, pulling water line tubing from the matted grass, and organizing the trash into a burn pile and pick up pile. It sped time along really fast actually, and I was actually pretty ok for most of the day, aside from itchy, sweaty and frustrated. I cleaned the bathrooms at 10 and sat around wasting time for a bit to push my time to midnight to make the most out of my night, and on the walk back to put my shit away 2 things happened.

1st Sharon texted me at 11:40 asking if I was still cleaning bathrooms. Fucking yes, I have til midnight and I came in late, I'm not going over time in anyway ffs.

2nd one of Rome's buddies caught me on my way past and asked me over for a shot of his long island iced tea, which ofc I accepted. It was good, I haven't had hard liquor in so long it was actually really good. He asked what I was up to and told me about how Sharon busted them last night at 1am having fun in the camper. Cuz it was past "quiet time". On a Friday night, really Sharon? God, no fun allowed. He offered me a ride back to put my cleaning shit away, and I mentioned that I had to clock out and head home. Immediately after getting in my car I thought wtf, I should've made better conversation?? Like, at least act like I would hang around if they invited me, cuz I totally would, I've been so socially deprived lately it's not even funny. But I didnt??? I just was like....ya...I'm headed home. And he didn't push, but like. Idk. It all boils down to I have a paranoia about my image at the campground. As stupid as that sounds. But I'm literally always doing manual labor, usually focused on a job or have headphones as earplugs in so I can't talk (not that Sharon would let me anyway) and I leave right after I clock out cuz no one invites me over cuz I don't talk to anyone. Like I feel like my presence there isn't impacting literally anyone, I'm just the Employee That Does Work and that's it. And this paranoia was cemented recently when I finally followed the Facebook page, saw how often she updates and all the pics and videos she uses have like, Bill and Holly and other campers in them, she was showing off the jump pad and stuff and like...that wouldn't be there without me. I spent days digging the fucking trench for the electric line by hand, AFTER clearing the field and leveling the plot. AND I helped roll it out and set it up. Like idk I feel like I do all the hard work but don't get to join in any of the fun? And it just feels really shitty when none of your work is acknowledged. And going back to my intial(?) point, I'm so socially deprived and downright //lonely//. And I feel bad saying it cuz Hope and I live together, we're literally always sharing space together but I feel like I have no one else. Kenzie's barely existing being dragged down by work and money stress, I try to stay in close touch but it's hard. And out of this circle? Nothing. Kenzie has Dan and her coworkers to talk to, Hope is constantly on discord talking to the chat there, she tells me all about that. And I have...no one else. I message my sisters frequently but they're both insanely busy. I'm seeing Nikki and Cassy on Wednesday to help them move, but despite Nikki and I really hitting it off we don't actually talk regularly and that kinda makes me sad. But I'm conflicted there too, I'll rant in another post about that.

And idk. I'm just so. Genuinely. Lonely. I have no one to go see (not that I'd have the fucking time lmao) no one to talk to, starting new aquaintenceships is exhausting as all hell, and when I'm not around Hope I'm alone with my own thoughts. I've always been a loner, I'm comfortable in my own company and I can have fun by myself...but it's really taking a toll on me. Especially since Hope and kenzie seem like they can't keep up with me. I'm ready to do almost anything, anytime, but Hope needs several days' warning to do anything big and kenzies always tired. We managed a friend day out a couple weeks ago, we went out to Rabbit rock and I could've explored and climbed for another 2 hours, but their legs hurt and it was hot out, and they headed back to the car while I was still on the rock. There was plenty of daylight left and I would've loved to visit the woods or go hang at the lake, but we ended up heading back home and chilling at the apartment. Which was fine. I wasn't mad or anything, I just wanted more outside time. I miss the excitement, the sense of adventure. Kenzie and I made it out to the woods once this spring, and we didn't even wander. We just drove out to scope out the trails and left. And it's getting so hard to hang out in general, our work schedules never align and we're all broke af. I'm so exausted. I'm sick and tired of working our asses off but not getting ahead. We're all fucking behind yet despite all our efforts, it's just not good enough.

I came home tonight with all these thoughts knocking around in my head and doing all I could to hold back tears. Immediately grabbed my 2 beers from the fridge and got in the shower, tried to relax myself and drown out some of the panic, but it's not feeling like it's working. I'm just mildly dizzy Andy headaches coming back from crying. Idk what to do anymore. I have plans for once in my life but even the simplest goals are continuously just out of reach. I tell myself to just keep rolling with it, try to build momentum and you'll get there eventually. But I'm so far from making any headway. I'm keeping my head up but it's getting so, so hard....

[imscreamingontheoutside]

Playing Catch Up: All the Way to May Edition

Ok so wow I haven’t explained a thing. But it’s not my fault, I tried to a couple months ago but my stupid phone deleted the whole post and it’s taken awhile for me to actually want to try and do it again. I’m extremely happy though right now. So let’s go back to the whole I’m super confused thing, explain why I was absolutely depressed and how I’ve gotten to happy in just a few months cause you know my crazy ass emotions are everywhere but it’ll make sense.

Alrighty, I was confused, we went out for pizza March 31, 2017, he acted like he liked me, but ignored me too. He would continue to text me, but he wasn’t really flirting back. Finally after about a week of this off and on thing I was sitting with him alone at a table at our hangout and neither of us were talking the entire time. It was awkward, quiet, and I didn’t have a single clue what to do about it. He leaves though, and I whip out my phone and text him right then and there. I explain how I just get really nervous when I’m with him, and that I know I’m weird but I actually really like him. I tell him it’s ok if he doesn’t have the same feelings for me that I do for him, but that he’s just kinda hard to read and I just wanted to see if we were on the same page. I told him how we were friends before I admitted any of this, and if he’s not interested we would be completely fine and be friends after, it’s not going to effect anything, and sent it. Mind you it took him hours to reply 🙄 which was stressful enough, but when he finally did, it wasn’t good. I was in lab, and that’s where that depression post came in. He said he knows he’s hard to read, but that he’s focusing on school right now. You know the whole it’s not you it’s me spiel. He was likely sincere about that, but I was just hurt. I didn’t think he even really gave me a chance, and while it’s completely ok not to like someone, like I wasn’t mad at him, I just got really down on myself. I really put myself out there for this guy, way more than I have anyone else, and it just didn’t matter. So yeah, I resorted to what I knew. I felt miserable about myself, and just went through how I get through things. And mind you, I’ll be hurting like hell through it all, but I’m damn good at faking it. April 5, 2017

I texted him back, told him that it was fine, I’m glad he told me, we’re good, and finally that I was sorry for probably being annoying. It was sincere even if my heart was breaking. After that I went back to my dorm and just cried for hours. So let me just say, I AM NOT THE TYPE THAT CRY’S OVER A FUCKING GUY. That’s not what I was crying about. I was upset with myself. I hated that I had actually tried and failed. I was doubting myself, I was doubting everything I am as a person, I was doubting everything. That’s why I was crying. Not because some dude turned me down. That happens all the time. But just that happening all the time was part of the issue. My self confidence was shot to hell and I didn’t know what I was going to do about it. I knew that by this time is when I usually break down and do something extraordinarily stupid and that’s what I was trying to avoid with the crying. I actually forced myself to think about things instead of just pushing them away and doing something dumb to comfort myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I guess this means I’m maturing or some bullshit. So I’m actually leaving a bit of space here cause we’ll call this an intermission. I wrote all the above stuff a few months ago again. And now it’s late August and I’m trying to catch this diary shit up so it’s relevant for my next break down (cause trust me, it’s coming, but for good reasons). I’m actually currently crying but that’s later me’s problem. She can deal with the emotional fall out from this last one cause I still have to go back and explain the old stuff. This is what you get when you procrastinate. Non recent emotional turmoil. Whatever, it’ll make sense soon I promise.

So back to the story. I was emotional, but as if I’d let that shit show. I walked into our hangout place like I owned it the next day. Was talking up everyone, screaming hey from across the room, had guys hugging me and wanting me to stay and hang longer, like I was a damn blonde popular chick from the movies or something. Mind you though, this was all for him. He sat in a chair by the window, alone with his headphones in, and I wanted to make sure he knew he had no effect on me once so ever. I was great, didn’t need him, it wasn’t a big deal. Ignored his existence the whole time, and then just as I was leaving, did a quick, oh hey Kyle, and walked on by. Wanted to make sure he saw I wasn’t interested, but also that things between us were fine like it hadn’t happened, no matter how I was really feeling inside.

Of course it’s easy looking back on this now. I mean this was all about 5 months ago or so, but at the time, yeah it sucked and I was revaluating things, but for once, I wasn’t broken. I kept my head, and I was proud of that. Anyways that next week was interesting. He was friendly, but too friendly…? At least for someone that had straight up turned my ass down. Like there was no question because I asked him straight up, yet he was still being kinda sweet? I shook it off. Knew what he wanted, and just assumed that was his way of keeping us as friends, but he was wanting to hanging out, walk to see our other friends together, and idk it felt weird. Like bruh, I’m trying to get over you and honestly this feels allot like torture. You could leave me alone for awhile to at least let the wound heal you know? But nope. Guess not.

Anyways a week goes by all weird, I’m good by now, and even have nice conversations and what not with no problem. It was a long weekend, I was heading home with some friends to my hometown, when all of a sudden after talking to him and just being social not even hours before, he suddenly texts me to tell me he made a mistake. He tells me he does like me, and that he was just confused cause he was scared to let himself lose focus on his schooling, but that if I’d take him, he wanted to take me on a real date. My favorite part though, was he would have asked me in person, but that he was scared he’d mess it up, and at least this way, he could reread the message a few times before he sent it… 💕(I know, he’s fucking adorable…) Skipping all the squealing and screaming that occurred in my friends minivan it took me about 15 mins just respond, but I told him that I understood, and that sure I’d be down. After that we stayed up and texted all night just about nothing and I couldn’t have been happier. April 14th, 2017

We made plans for a double date. Yes I know, who goes on a double date for their first date, but hear me out. This was my first official date. I was nervous. This boy had turned me down already and I just wanted it to go well! I would have agreed to whatever he wanted at that point! Lol, but that’s not what happened. He texted the day before to tell me plans fell through, and if I would rather come to his place and we watch a movie. Okay, tell me world… HOW DO YOU DRESS FOR A MOVIE DATE AT SOMEONE’S HOUSE? I contemplated this question for so long, and finally had to just have my friend come over and help me choose. I wanted to show up in freaking pajamas. Super chill and relaxed you know? But I was told not to do that, and thank God for that. I show up to his place, and there he is, jeans, a nice shirt… I can’t even explain how good he looked. Like gosh… I need to explain though, he never dresses up. He’s always in basketball shorts, a stupid t-shirt 😂, and like slides or tennis shoes. I’ve never seen him even try to look nicer before, and here he was doing just that for me, for a movie date. Not going to lie, this was it for me. He was already doing something no guy has ever done in the past and that was do something FOR ME. No guy has ever cared enough to try for me. They’ve never given a shit, and here he was just trying. I know, sad huh? I can hear you now, “wow she has low standards,” well ya see, that’s what happens when all you’ve had in the past was trash. Assholes who don’t give a shit about you, and just want to use you for your body. Yeah well I don’t put it just on them. When it happened more than once you know the whole shame on you line. Obviously it wasn’t just their faults, but I’m not going to go into the pit of depression that was my life that made me make those decisions. No, no, I’m going to continue this, because trust me, he’s changed everything.

Alright now where was I… I stood outside his place hyperventilating for about 15mins (I got there early cause I knew this would happen) until I finally got up the courage to go knock on the door and that’s when my hot af date opens it and our awkward personas just intertwined to create what was the most awkward enterance ever. I go in, he immediately asks if I want water, with the yes response he gets it, turns the lights off and we go sit on the couch, AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, and immediately start the movie within 5 mins of me walking in the door. We must have sat there awkwardly next to each other for 15mins or so just silently watching, no touching. I eventually started to chill out as I got into the movie, The Prestige (pretty good btw, can recommend) when I look over and I can basically see him thinking and not paying attention to the thing at all. Of course I over look this and just think he’s nervous too, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, and mind you, were watching a movie about fucking magic, like this came out of true butt fucking nowhere, he suddenly blerts out, “hey can I ask you a question?” And I’m like, “yeah sure, what’s up?” And he goes, “do you ever think about being a pirate?” TAF? Lol, I was just like, “umm, in what context?” And he was like, “oh you know, would you wear your parrot on this shoulder,” points to my closer shoulder, “or this shoulder?” Puts arm around me and leaves it there to touch the other shoulder……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..And that’s the story of how I died. Lmao no seriously I died laughing. Best way to get you’re arm around a girl ever. After how tense everything was and then for him to pull something so corny, I loved it. It was so good, and funny, it was just the best possible situation. We both immediately loosened up and I just had another reason to be completely into this guy.

So quick background of how we met: Through a combination of the same hangout place and mutual friends, he was just always around. Always seemed way out of my league and just all around perfect, and I basically never thought I had a chance. Honestly I still don’t know why he gave me a chance but that’s for later me to continue with. But the point of this is the mutual friends. The night of our date, they sat there calling and texting us throughout the movie. Mind you they didn’t know we were on a date, but they were just bugging us cause they wanted to hangout and couldn’t understand why we weren’t answering. So instead of watching another movie or continuing our date, we had to bring it to a close early to go figure out what they wanted. Which I guess was fine, I wanted to hangout more just us, but I wasn’t going to push my luck. We headed to the hangout just to find out they all went to dinner and that we were now not invited. Now at the hangout without our usual friends we run into another couple, Ryon and Ashley, sweet little freshman couple who was on my side to get this dude all the way 😝 Anyways they realize we were on a date and basically get it started again by having us continue the night with a double date with them. So this is my first date, I didn’t want to scare him off and then being so excited and saying it was a double date was like terrifying me. I was shushing them and trying to play it cool, but I didn’t know how he’d take this whole double date thing, but more so, I don’t know how he’d feel with us being out in public like this. Like I’ve said before, I’ve been with some truly shitty guys and any kind of affection in public was not ok with them. Likely because they were fuckbois who couldn’t be seen with a chick if they were planning on getting laid by another later on. 😒 Anyways basically I’ve been treated badly, and normal healthy relationship concepts are foreign to me. Them being so excited about this ‘double date’ in public made me so worried it would push Kyle away, yet come to find out he loved the idea. We played pool, then went to McDonald’s to get ice cream. Not gunna lie, I had a good time, and this was my first taste of what something good and pure is actually like.

We make our way back to the hangout and our usual friends finally make it back just to stop and stare at Kyle. If I didn’t make it clear before, HE NEVER DRESSES UP. They all saw him in the jeans and just busted out laughing because they knew he was trying for me. We parted ways not long after that, but it was a great first date and no matter what happens, I’ll remember it always. April 21, 2017

The next couple days we causally hung out doing hw and studying and what not. Sadly finals were around this time, so time was not ample, but we replanned the double date we were originally going to have that first night and were able to go out with our friends Lucy and Josh. We played mini golf, bowling, a few arcade games, and happily ended the night with pizza. It sounds stupid, but for whatever reason this date meant allot to me. We won these little bouncy balls, nothing fancy, but Kyle told me how they’d be a momento of our date that day. Lucy stole some golf balls 🙄 and was planning on writing the date on them as her momento and I loved the idea. And while I hate being a total girl, I got home that night, wrote the date, April 28, 2017, across the ball in sharpie, and then later placed it on a soon to be memory board.

The thing about that night though, wasn’t just the fun we had. It was what happened when they were taking me home. I got out of the car, thanked him and everyone for a great night and started walking away when I realized I forgot my calculator (I’m not going to explain it; I’m a nerd, deal with it) and ran back to grab it. Once in hand though, Kyle gets out of the car (he was driving) comes up to me says how they’re giving him a bunch of shit for not walking me to my dorm. I try to tell him it’s not a big deal and not to worry about it, but he just happily says no that he wants to. Small talk pursues till we reach the door. I swipe my card, look at him, cause I can tell this is when one of us is supposed to make some kind of clear indication of what they want, but instead of kissing him like I really wanted to, I panic cause I wasn’t sure what he wanted, hug him really fast, and basically run inside.

Literally banging my head on the wall when I get up to my dorm for not going for it, I grab my phone and immediately text him. I ask​ him if he was wanting a goodnight kiss, and if so that I was too, but that I panicked and that’s why I didn’t kiss him. I follow that up with, if he wasn’t planning on going to go in for a kiss, then to disregard everything I just said. 😂 I know, smooth right? What can I say, I’m as straightforward as they get.

He responds back that he wasn’t sure either but that he wanted to kiss me as well. He said how our awkwardness will go away with time, and with that my heart just melted.

That next night I had a couple friends over half studying, half watching movies and eating dinner, so of course I invite him. He comes over, again we have a decent time, and a little after midnight so technically the date’s April 30, 2017, he decides to leave. I walk him out to the elevator and after the night before I was determined. Just as soon as the elevator gets there, I stood up next to him on my tip toes (he’s quite a bit taller than me) put my arms around him just enough to pull him down towards me and give the most awkward kiss possible. See it wouldn’t have been so bad, but I being the clumsiest person in the world, mix it with my awkwardness, and you get a ridiculous situation. As I went up for the kiss, I completely lose my balance, basically fall into him, barely pecking his lips and then try to catch myself using both him and the wall. Suffice to say I was flustered. I regained my balance was like, ok bye, and ran back to my dorm where my friends awaited for details. Instead they got a squealing me. Once more I whipped out my phone, texted a crazy apology about how dumb I am. With his response being “it’s ok, when you think you’re being dumb, I think you’re so cute.” Again.. butterflies. He’s amazing, and we both just agreed, it looks like our kissing skills could use some practice to get it right. 😉

You know time flies when you have exams and are trying to get to know someone. It was really terrifying to me to get close to someone so close to the summer time. I mean we live in different cities, 5 hours apart and there was no way we’d see much of each other this summer. To start a relationship as long distance just sounded ridiculous, and that’s exactly what I told him. On May 2nd he came over and while we were supposed to be studying, we hung out for hours just talking about so much random nonsense. I mean he was there till 4am or so, making it the next day. The nonsense wasn’t constant though, important things came up. Silly things too. I laid on the couch, my head in his lap, trying to be fairly quiet not to wake my roommate, but continuing to talk and show each other videos and what not. He would gently move my hair out of my face, and told me how he’s always wanted to do that to someone. Just the gentlest touches and it just felt so right. But when the topic of this summer came up, I tried to let him off the hook. I told him how I understand that we’re going to be apart, and that I know we’re nothing, just talking and what not, and that if he was to talk to other people that’s fine, because I’m no one, you know? Like I don’t matter, and he can do whatever he wants. I just kinda said all this, but added how I probably wouldn’t be talking to anyone though. I think he saw where I was going with this, me basically saying he could do what he wants this summer and if he’s not taken by then, that I’d be down to try talking again in the fall, but he wouldn’t have it. He said how he wasn’t going to be talking to any other girls, and how he wasn’t planning on not seeing me at all this summer because he figured, if it was alright with me, that he’d make the trip down to my hometown just to see me. I asked him though, if that’s what he wants then does that mean we’re exclusive? And if so how does that work? I told him I’ve never dated anyone before and he said the same thing. He’s never had a really serious relationship or anything but that he’d like it if I was his first. He said sometimes it’s not something you have to say explicitly, that a couple just kinda can know that they’re dating at some point, or one of the 2 can ask the other to make it official. I asked him well then do we wait and just see what happens or what? Finally he asks me, S****** do you want to be my girlfriend? To which, of course my snarky ass having to ruin a good moment, “ehhh, maybe, I gotta think about it,” laughing then said “of course,” and kissed him. Making May 3, 2017 the day we both started our first official relationship.

Of course the story continues though. I mean it is August and that just catches me up to May. I’ll probably leave out most of the juicy details, but I’ll leave catching you up to August for another post because this one is hella long. As if anyone reads these anyways, but I think that wraps this up really nicely. Like I said earlier though, it’s August and I’ve been in tears, and totally need to vent about what’s going on, so I had to get this post done first. Now that it is, on to the next emotional rollercoaster that is my life.

---imscreamingontheoutside---