#watched my friend play s root last night and I’m still going insane

[gavinom123]

“You mean that you won’t let me follow the scenario that I wrote, do you.”

“That’s right”

[thora-jane]

I've Already Lost (TASM! Peter x Reader)

a/n: Hi everyone. I swear I'm alive. This is my first time getting back into writing in a while so I'm sorry if this is a little rusty. Lately, I haven't been feeling too great, but I watched No Way Home (this is spoiler-free, I promise) and between a rekindled love for Andrew's Peter and my sad feelings, this was born. I'm considering making a part two, but I guess I just want to know if people like this enough to write more.

Comments and reblogs are really appreciated, I hope y'all enjoy

Summary: Parker Family Game Night leads to an inevitable confession of feelings, but with Peter happily dating Gwen, the only victory is found in a painful game of cards.

Warnings: There might be like, 1 swear word. 2 if you squint. Also this doesn't exactly have the happiest ending.

Word Count: 3,293

| Next |

You leaned against the doorway of the room. Parker Family Game Night; the classic once-a-month ritual in which Peter and Aunt May summoned you and Harry for a night of cheap takeout and playing different games until you go insane with exhaustion.

This was also the second time you were all joined by Gwen, Peter’s girlfriend. She was one of the greatest people you had ever met, she was brilliant, her humor wove perfectly with Peter’s, and the way he looked at her…you could tell he had fallen head over heels. It was just too bad you had fallen for him first. You pretended to ignore it, even though you had been in love with him for years. But you had to admit it was hard to think of him as only a friend when nearly every day you watched Peter be in love with someone else. You took a sip from your can of soda and tried to laugh with everyone else as Peter tried to knock Gwen down in their game of twister, the couple a precarious stack of intertwining limbs. “So…Peter and Gwen, huh?” Harry nudged you. You tried not to spit out your drink.

“Yeah uh…” you swallowed, “yeah they’re…they’re great. They’re such a cute couple. They were meant for each other, really,” You sighed, hoping your voice didn’t sound fake as you chugged the last of your drink, “Pete’s really got it for her-”

“And you really got it for Pete,” Harry interrupted quietly.

You froze, before he had a chance to continue, you grabbed his elbow and dragged him to the kitchen.

“Ozbourne what the hell are you talking about,” you whispered, looking over your shoulder to make sure no one else had heard.

“I’m just saying, I’ve kinda picked up on how you look at him, and it bears a very strong resemblance to how Gwen looks at him. Or how he looks at Gwen-”

“-Stop it,” You cut him off, setting your empty can on the counter a little harshly. You paused, “You think anyone else can tell? Is it too obvious?” you started to panic, glancing back out to where the couple had only partially given up playing twister.

“Not obvious to the other parties involved, they’re too busy looking at each other,” he half-chuckled at his own joke before looking back up at you, “Hey… hey I didn’t mean it like that. You know Peter still likes you as a friend.”

“I know,” you bit the inside of your lip, running your hands over your face, “It just…hurts, y’know? Like…That should be me…but it shouldn’t, because I could never make Peter that happy and Gwen is a wonderful girl and that just makes me shitty for wanting to come between them. And I just…I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Harry.” you let out a dry laugh as he reached into the fridge and grabbed two cans of root beer, handing one to you.

“Can’t keep doing what?” he asked, smirk fading from his face as he leaned against the counter next to you.

“Pretending that I’m fine,” you shrugged, opening the can and taking a swig. You swallowed, “Like, maybe things would be better off if I weren’t around? I really think the group would be better without me, so I might just disappear for a while, see how things go.”

“What’s this about you disappearing?” Peter asked, leaning in the doorway.

You nearly snorted root beer out your nose, “Pete! Holy crap, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“What can I say, I’m a sneaky guy,” He winked. God this hurts. You tried to focus on the burning in your nose and not the aching in your heart as Peter and Gwen shared a laugh.

“How long were you standing there?” you asked, wiping your nose with the back of your hand as you tried to hide the blush on your cheeks.

“Just long enough to hear you say the group would be better without you – hey, listen. I’m going to walk Gwen home but when I come back,” he pointed at you as he backed out of the room, “we’re playing Garbage and unpacking that statement so be ready, ‘cause that sounds like a load of garbage. We need you here, (y/n)”

Gwen smiled, “yeah, I can’t be the only girl here, I need you.”

“Alright,” you nodded, “I’ll shuffle the cards, ket ready to get thrown out on the curb Parker, it’s collection day.”

“Hey! That’s a good one!” he laughed over his shoulder before closing the front door.

“God, how am I gonna do this,” you groaned as you set down your drink and pressed your head against the side of the fridge, “this is gonna be ugly.”

“I have a feeling it’d be better if I weren’t around for this?” Harry asked, dipping his head to make eye contact.

“Yeah, this’ll be uncomfortable for everyone involved.” You tried to smile, but your mouth only flattened into a line across your face.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, nodding, “Call me when you get home, let me know how things went.”

“Yep,” you agreed, popping the p and patting his hand as he left you in the kitchen alone. You heard the front door close a minute later and sat in silence. May had gone to bed and now it was just you in the kitchen, worn old deck of cards in your pocket. You chugged the last of your root beer and squeezed the can, leaving a dent in the side before you placed it next to the other empty cans on the counter.

You took your place at the kitchen table, clearing crumbs left from someone’s pizza before unboxing the cards. You were never good at shuffling, fumbling with the stacks of cards, and often sending a couple flying on occasion. But Pete? Pete was a master at shuffling cards. He could do the weird card-bending bridge thing, he could do the thing where he drops the cards from one hand to another, he said that Ben had taught him all the tricks he knows, but you swear you saw a tab for card tricks open on his laptop once.

You only knew one card game, and it was garbage. Pete had taught you when the two of you were supposed to be working on a project for chemistry. He claimed it would help you bond as partners and bring your project-making abilities up to the next level, and refused to listen when you tried to remind him you two had already been friends for a while. In the end, you both got an A. You knew it was because Pete was a science genius, but he always insisted it was because you two had dropped everything to play cards instead.

Your phone buzzed,

Sk8r Boy Pete:

omw back. get ready to go down the sink. i’ll be flicking the switch.

ok that was a really bad joke

tried to do something with garbage disposals

i’ll admit, it didn’t work

You couldn’t help but smile, typing out a response:

eyes off your phone when you’re on your board pete.

You remembered the first time he dragged you to the skate park with him. You made him hand over his camera so it would break if he fell off his board, And managed to take a few pictures of him mid-air. You were sure he saw them, after all, they were on his camera, but he never said anything about them. You didn’t want to bring them up now, that was years ago, but you wish you could have gotten them developed. You remember later that night he had you try to skate down the half-pipe, one of the shallower ones, but you still managed to take a tumble that left you scraped up with a scar over your knee. That didn’t stop Pete from cheering you on louder than he should have that late at night, and every time you wore shorts after that, he’d point out the scar on your knee as a “badge of honor for the most epic crash ever” and remind you how he had to practically carry you home.

Any feeling of peace you felt sunk to the bottom of your stomach as you heard the front door open and close. Barely a second passed before Peter slid into the seat across from you.

“Ready to lose, (y/n)?” He smiled.

I already have, Peter. “Oh Pete, I’m afraid you’ve caught me woefully unprepared for defeat, I am however perfectly ready to step away victorious.” you put on your best smile as you started to deal out 10 cards to each of you.

“That’s what I like to hear,” He smirked, cracking his knuckles dramatically.

The two of you arranged your cards in silence before you flipped over the first card in the deck, “I believe you go first, Mr. Parker,” you nodded.

“How kind of you, Miss (y/l/n),” he took the card and began flipping over cards as such, “What’s this I hear about you wanting to disappear for a while?” he motioned for you to take your turn, and you drew a card from the deck putting your cards in place.

“I wish you didn’t have to bring that up,” you sighed, putting a card back in the other pile and ending your turn.

“(y/n) I don’t know why you’d want to leave. Is it Harry? Is he bothering you? I’ll go have a word with him he’s bothering you. You shouldn’t have to leave if he’s being a dick-”

“It’s not Harry, Pete,” you interrupted as he put down his card.

“Oh, ok,” he answered quietly as you took your next turn in silence.

He drew a card again, it was a number he already had down. He tossed it into the other pile.

“Did Gwen have a nice time tonight?” you tried to steer the topic in another direction for a bit as you took the card he discarded.

“Yeah,” he smiled, “yeah she said she had a lot of fun. She told me to tell you thanks for being on her team in Charades, she really enjoyed it. She said she couldn’t have won without you. She thinks you’re pretty neat, did you know that?” He looked up at you, grinning the most you’d ever seen. It was his turn, “Queen!” He smirked, looking up at you before stealing the ace of hearts you had and placing it in his empty ace slot, ending the round.

“It’s nice to know she doesn’t hate me, yeah,” you nodded, gathering up the cards before handing them to Peter to shuffle.

“Of course, she doesn’t hate you!” he laughed, dealing out nine cards for him and ten for you, “Why would she hate you?”

“Uh…well…” you drew a card from the deck and started flipping over your cards in succession, “I don’t know. But it’s nice to know she doesn’t have any bad feelings.”

“(y/n)...does your wanting to leave have anything to do with Gwen?” Peter asked, his smile fading as he started his turn.

“No!” you panicked, “No uh…no not really. No. Gwen is…Gwen is fine. She’s cool. She’s nice. Good on you for dating her…” your voice trailed off as you took the card he discarded, flipping over a card before your turn ended.

“Because I care about Gwen very much, (y/n),” he continued, drawing a new card. He paused, before adding softly, “I think I love her.”

You froze, looking down at the 2 of hearts he had placed in the discard pile.

“So I can’t just make her leave. If you have a problem with Gwen I’m willing to help you two work it out but-”

“I don’t have a problem with Gwen, Peter.” you said, maybe a little harsher than you should have.

He held his hands up in surrender, “Ok! Ok,” he offered a smile “That’s a good thing.”

The two of you went the next few rounds in near total silence, you had both worked your way down to two cards each before you finally had the courage to let out your thoughts.

“I think…I think I have a problem with you.”

He stopped, not even touching his card as he looked to you, “(y/n)...what’s wrong?”

You looked him in his eyes. His big, beautiful brown eyes. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this hurt before, it looked like you had shot him thorugh the chest, “(y/n), talk to me, please.” His voice was soft, and you could have sworn he almost sounded scared.

“It’s nothing actually, Pete. Just forget it,” You said, flippoing over your two cards in one turn.

“No,” he started, gathering the cards and reshuffling, dealing out one card for you and two for him, “(y/n), you’re my best friend. If you say I’m doing something to hurt you I can’t just shrug it off. You’re my best friend-”

“And that’s the problem, Pete,” you sighed, unable to look him in the eye as he turned over the top card It was that stupid fucking ace of hearts again.

“What?”

“I’m your friend. I’m your best friend. I’m the girl you’ve done everything with for the past few years and now you finally have a girlfriend and…” You felt your words choke up in your throat. You weren’t crying, your voice just started to close off.

“(y/n) what are you saying-”

“Peter I’m in love with you,” you finally looked at him again. His face had gone pale, it felt as if he were looking right through you, “And…you’re in love with Gwen. And that’s great because you two make eachother really, really happy and it’s so nice to see you both together it just…kind of hurts sometimes I guess. And-”

“How long have you felt this way,” his voice was still, quiet, barely above a whisper.

“Years,” you mumbled.

“You could have said something.” he swallowed, still not quite looking at you.

“I know,” your voice was nothing more than a whisper, and for a moment the air stood still, “I guess I was just hoping I wouldn’t have to.”

He nodded. Nearly a minute passed before he nodded at the cards. “You go first, remember?” You looked down at the ace of hearts, swapping it out for the face down card you had. The two of hearts.

“It looks like you won,” he tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a wince.

“I should go,” you pushed back your chair and stood up, walking over to the couch to get your coat.

“Wait,” Peter stopped, you, grabbing your wrist before you could pass him. You could never remember his reflexes being as fast as they were in the last few months, but really you just wished you could run out of here, “Let me walk you home, it’s late. You shouldn’t be out by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine, Peter.” you shrugged off his hand grabbed your coat, not even botheing to put it on as you tried to rush out the door.

“(y/n) wait please,” He turned, getting out of his seat. You tried to ignore the pain in his voice as you jammed your feet into your shoes.

“Pete please, I really need to go.” you tried to smile, but could already feel the heat pricking your eyes, “I had a fun time tonight, really. Tell Gwen I had fun playing with her too.” You nodded, wiping the back of your hand over one of your eyes before opening the door, “G’night, Pete. It’s been fun.”

The second you closed the door, you started running and didn’t turn back.

Thank god it was Friday night, the last thing you wanted was to have to face Peter or Gwen the next morning.

That didn’t stop your phone though. Throughout the day your phone was buzzing with texts from Harry and Gwen;

‘Hey, how did things turn out last night? You never called’

‘Hey (y/n)! Have you heard anything from Peter?’

‘Wth happened Pete’s not texting me either’

‘I haven’t heard from him since he walked me home last night, do you know if he’s ok?’

‘Did you two have a fight?’

You never replied to any of them, and eventually you gave up, wrapping your phone in a sweatshirt to muffle the buzz. The sweatshirt was then shoved into your closet when you remembered Peter had given that to you years ago. Maybe you could burn it. Maybe you could burn your memories. Maybe you could chop off all your hair and move to another city. You all graduated soon, maybe you could apply for some foreign exchange program or go to a college out of state in the middle of nowhere. No, it was too late to apply. You’d be stuck in New York with Peter.

Hours passed, and you had managed to do all your homework in one sitting. It was now a few minutes passed noon. You groaned, you’d never gotten your homework done this quickly, usually Pete showed up and distracted you, or you distracted him. Either way, the fact that you now had nothing to occupy your weekend with was entirely his fault and no one else’s.

Against your best judegement, you checked your phone again. The only new text was from Harry.

Harry:

Peter told me what happened.

That was hours ago. You hadn’t heard anything new from Gwen, and you doubted you’d ever get a text from Peter again.

You cracked open the window to your room and crawled out onto the fire escape. The wind was bitter, but maybe you deserved that. Your street was quiet for a Saturday afternoon, and you figured it’d stay that way all weekend. Maybe that’s what you needed. Just some silence for a little bit. You walked over to the railing and leaned off the side, letting the breeze hit your face.

It wasn’t until you saw Spiderman swinging through the street that you realize you had zoned off. Your finger tips were starting to feel a little numb, and your toes were freezing. Crawling in through your window again, you heard a knock at your bedroom door.

“Hey,” your mom nudged the door open, an envelope in hand, “Peter stopped by and told me to give this to you. Is everything alright between you two? He looked kind of upset- Oh god, shut the window, (y/n) it’s freezing in here.”

“Everything’s fine mom,” you lied, locking the window and taking the envelope from her hand before all but shooing her out the door.

“Ok well if either of you need anything let me know.”

You closed the door as fast as you could without slamming it, holding the envelope in shaking hands. You told yourself you were just cold and nothing else. It’s not like there could be anything significant inside this envelope. It’s not that you were hopeful of anything. He was probably just saying to never speak to him again you thought as you tossed the envelope on your bed.

You ripped it open a second later.

There was no letter. No note promising that he felt the same now, or ever in the past. No apology. Not even a “you’ll mean something to someone someday” note.

Just pictures. Not pictures of you. Thankfully not pictures of Gwen. They were pictures of him. On his skateboard. Late at night. The ones you took.

(y/n) dabbles in photography Peter had scrawled out next to the date you had taken them.

He was giving them back to you.

(a/n): If you've gotten all the way down here, please get up and drink some water, take a few deep breaths, and remember that you're loved. Thank you <3

[7-wonders]

You Say I’m in Love

Summary: Michael makes his rescue with his unexpected ally in tow, and HBIC Madison Montgomery whittles away at your willpower to continue surviving.

Word Count: 2444

A/N: The long-awaited next chapter of Mad Love! As always, feedback is appreciated, and if you enjoyed, I would love if you left a like, comment, or reblog. Enjoy :)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17

Two weeks in captivity comes with little fanfare; a daily changing of the guard is the only sort of notification that you receive, along with Madison Montgomery’s foray into your prison cell to verbally and, a new addition in the past couple of days, physically harass you. Although it’s nothing too serious, just a little pushing and shoving that occasionally turns into something a little harsher, it chips away at whatever remains of your morale. At this point, you’re not sure that there is anything left in that respect.

A choked groan escapes your mouth as you’re slammed against the wall by an unseen force, almost as if to illustrate your point. It’s laughable that you’ve thought of Michael as the “blond devil,” because with the way that Madison is standing across from you with a cruel smirk on her face and a cigarette poised between her fingers, she owns that title. You slide down to your knees, attempting to regain your breath and breathe through what you’re sure is a cracked rib. However, you’re given barely a moment to recover before being hauled up to your feet again, this time with Madison’s hand gripping the roots of your hair.

“You know, you disgust me,” she hisses, watching with unfettered glee as you wince in pain.

“Yes, you’ve made that very clear in the past couple of days.”

“When the cat’s away, the mouse will play.”

“So you’re scared of Mallory, then?” She releases you suddenly, eyes full of fire as she glares at you. Obviously, you’ve hit a nerve by bringing up the younger woman who’s next in line for the Supremacy (yeah, you’ve eavesdropped, but what else is there to do here?). Hot, blinding white light explodes in your field of vision, and it takes you a moment to realize you’ve been punched. Another moment, and you conclude that she made you punch yourself. “Fuck, I throw a mean punch.”

“You’ve never asked me why you disgust me,” Madison notes.

“That’s because I don’t care.” A drop of blood blooms on the floor, and you pinch your nose and tilt your head back to stop the blood from flowing more.

“I’ll never understand how somebody could be in love with the Antichrist.”

You unexpectedly let out a sharp laugh, the sound coming out as more of a wheeze as you grab at your ribs in discomfort. “I’m not in love with Michael!”

Madison looks like she thinks you’re obviously lying, and you scoff.

“I’m not! Like, I love him, sure, but as a friend!”

“I can’t tell if you’re lying or just insanely blind.”

“Thirty seconds ago you were making me beat myself up, and now you’re trying to describe my feelings to me?”

Madison rolls her eyes. “If you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t be resisting helping us take him down.”

“You want to kill him! I can’t let you do that. Like I told Cordelia, he’s my friend.” Madison takes a step towards you, making you flinch in anticipation. “Where is your Supreme, anyways? Shouldn’t she be here to keep you in check?”

“Cordelia’s away, and since Myrtle’s an old bat, I’m in charge.” Makes sense why you’ve only been beaten up in the past couple of days, then.

“Well, your good witch, bad witch routine isn’t exactly working, and it’s obvious that Michael’s not coming for me. You gonna put me out of my misery and kill me, or do you want to beat me up some more before that?”

Madison narrows her eyes, and you steel yourself in preparation. “You wanna know how I know you’re in love with the Antichrist who you’re so sure is not going to rescue you? It’s the way that you look when he’s mentioned. Your eyes get all soft, and then you look like you’re waiting for him to come in and sweep you away.”

“Yeah, because I’m desperate to get out of here!”

“What about how fast you come to his defense? That’s not just friendship.”

You look at Madison like she’s crazy. “Yes, it is.”

“This is the first time you’ve ever been in love.” It’s not a question. “I know you have this idealized version of what it’s like to be in love with a person. You’re expecting there to be this big ‘aha’ moment, sparks and instant connection and love at first sight. It’s not like that, though. It’s the little things that make you realize that you’re in love.

“When you can say anything, no matter how dumb you think it may be, and you know they won’t laugh at you. You can see their face when you close your eyes, feel their arms around you even after they’re done holding you. Their presence eases any pain, and you can just truly be yourself without fear of ridicule. It’s a slow realization, not at all like what you’ve read about or seen in movies. It doesn’t surprise me that you haven’t come to that conclusion yourself.”

You’re silent, face stone-cold as you digest the verbal blows that Madison just laid on you. She’s not right, that’s ridiculous. There’s no way that you’re in love with Michael. He’s...dependable, and can make you laugh even when you feel like crying, but so what? Maybe you do get to say things without fear of judgement, his smile whenever you make a dumb joke bringing butterflies to your stomach. You’re absolutely certain that you’re not in love with Michael...almost.

Madison smirks, knowing that this has gotten to you more than any punch or shove could. “I pity you, really. You’re pathetic.”

With a short laugh, she saunters out of your cell. The door clangs shut behind her, the sound barely registering in your brain. The only thing that resounds in your head:

Are you in love with Michael?

//

“I swear, Mallory, that if this is some sort of trap, I will not hesitate to brutally and painfully murder you and every single witch I can get my hands on.” The threat is blunt, although Mallory would expect nothing less from the Antichrist standing next to her. 

“You really think I wouldn’t have already had the witches ambush you if this was a trap?”

“Pardon me for not exactly trusting you right now.”

Michael really can’t be blamed for his apprehensiveness right now. Honestly, Mallory had been preparing herself to be tortured or killed after Michael got the information that he wanted. It was a gamble for her to go rogue in the first place, and it was a near-miracle that she had actually been listened to when she showed up on his doorstep last night. After hurriedly explaining herself, and being more shocked that Michael actually listened to her (maybe (Y/N) is a good influence on him), a hasty game plan had been established. And by “game plan,” it was really just Mallory stopping Michael from running to rescue (Y/N) without any sort of idea of what he was going to do.

“I just need you to trust me until we get (Y/N), then you can hate me.”

He glances at the rising Supreme with suspicion. “Why do you want to help, anyways? You’re the reason (Y/N)’s in this situation in the first place.”

“Because I was stupid and naive for going along with whatever Cordelia told me to do. I should have backed out the moment that we actually became friends, but I didn’t. That’s going to remain one of my biggest regrets; that I didn’t stop this situation from happening in the first place.”

Michael knows that she’s being serious; those big, dark eyes of hers hide no secrets. Still, he can’t help himself from harboring a fair amount of resentment. “(Y/N) trusted you, Mallory.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Mallory yells, making Michael stop in surprise. “You don’t think I saw the betrayal in her eyes when her fucking car crashed and I was the last person she saw before she passed out? Or how she reacted when she woke up and saw that her eyes really hadn’t deceived her? I used to look up to Cordelia, and I would gladly have followed her to the ends of the Earth before this mess. She teaches us that the sisterhood we have with our fellow witch is the most sacred of all bonds, but she’s wrong. The secrets, the lies, the anger? That’s not sisterhood. What I have with (Y/N) and Kate is sisterhood.”

Mallory takes a deep breath, reining in the anger that Michael wasn’t aware she was capable of.

“Let’s just finish this, and then you can kill me and be on your way.”

Michael shakes his head. “Oh, I’m not gonna kill you.”

“You’re not?”

“Not unless (Y/N) asks me to.”

They reach an unassuming looking set of storage units, and Mallory pulls a key from her pocket and unlocks the front gate. “Far enough away that you weren’t able to trace us, but close enough that we wouldn’t have to use transmutation to get here.”

“You were planning this out for some time then?” Michael tries to act like he doesn’t care what the answer will be, but Mallory knows that this is all just evidence that he’s cataloguing.

“A few months.”

Michael confidently strides to the first unit, holding his hand out and busting open the lock with a flash of sparks. “Stay here.”

“What? Why would I stay here? I’m going with you!”

He looks back at Mallory, who shudders when she sees the definition of a devilish grin on his face. “Wouldn’t want you to inadvertently end up as a casualty.”

//

It starts with a scream.

You’re jolted awake (you hadn’t even realized that you’d fallen asleep) by a sharp noise from far away. Dismissing it as a chair squeaking or a dog yelping, you roll over on the mattress and close your eyes again. Your attempt at sleep is thwarted when you hear the noise again, only closer this time. Now, you’re certain that what you’re hearing is screaming. Sitting up, your heart hammers in your chest as more screaming is heard, accompanied by sounds of banging. 

The commotion slowly gets closer and closer, making you begin to feel like a character in a horror movie. You had thought that nothing could frighten you more than being kidnapped and forced to marry the Antichrist, but this might just top that fear. Glancing around, you realize that there’s no sort of weapon that could protect you if this is finally the witches coming to kill you. As a last resort, you press yourself to the wall facing the door in an attempt to catch whoever may come inside in a sneak attack.

An eerie silence falls upon the cell, your ears ringing from the sudden lack of noise. Then, a sound akin to a cannon exploding momentarily deafens you as the door goes flying off of its hinges. You shriek and cover your face, hesitantly lowering your arms when the door clatters near the mattress that’s been yours for two weeks. 

“Michael?” Disbelief colors your tone, sure that the blond in front of you is merely an illusion. After all, the witches had used illusions to trick you before; why not do it to fully shatter any willpower you may still have?

“(Y/N),” Michael gasps. The intimidating demeanor that he had upon breaking into the room melts away as he races towards you, concern evident on his face. You begin to shake as he grabs you by your shoulders, realizing that he’s real and here and that all of your wishful thinking has finally come true.

“Michael, I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have...I didn’t mean--”

“Shh,” Michael quiets your tearful words, eyes scanning you and filling more and more with anger as he notices the blood and the various cuts on your body. “Who did this to you? Which one of those witches dared to lay a hand on you?”

“Madison.”

His nostrils flare, but he focuses on what’s important and pulls you to him in a hug. “Don’t worry, they won’t ever hurt you again.”

“Did you...kill them?”

“I did what had to be done.”

You nod, allowing yourself to sink into the hug. “This is the first time you’ve ever hugged me first, you know.”

Michael laughs, kissing the top of your head for a long moment. “Don’t worry, this won’t be the last time.”

“Promise?” You look up at him, and your heart aches when you see that he’s crying. “Yeah, I promise.” He pulls away from you, but remains touching you. “Do you think you can walk out, or do you want me to carry you?”

“I can walk.”

Michael leads you to the door, stopping right before reaching the hallway. “I’m going to caution you and say that the carnage may be a lot for you to handle. I...lost control when they started trying to attack me, and may have engaged in a bit of overkill.”

“I’ll be able to handle it, Michael.” Just walking down the hallway, however, reveals the white concrete walls splattered in copious amounts of blood. You shudder, choosing to bury your face in Michael’s shoulder so as not to actually see any bodies and letting him lead you out of your prison.

The sunlight burns your eyes when you emerge, and you blink furiously to regain your vision. When the black spots do clear from your eyesight, you see another figure waiting for you.

“What the fuck? Mallory?”

She sheepishly waves at you. “You told me to do something about it, and so I did. I’m just sorry that it took me so long to come to my senses.”

Mallory tries to take a step forward, but becomes frozen by an unseen force. Michael has a hand raised ahead of him, glowering at the witch in front of him.

“You’re lucky that I don’t kill you right now, little witch. The only reason I’m sparing your life is because you helped me find (Y/N). If I find you plotting against me ever again, however, I will kill you.” His hand flexes, and Mallory falls forward. “Get out of my sight before I change my mind.”

Mallory wants to say more to you, but Michael looks deadly serious about his threat. Within a second, the new Supreme is gone.

“Now,” Michael smiles softly, “let’s go home.”

Home. The comforts of your physical home are appealing to you on a level that they never have before, but standing in Michael’s embrace, you realize that you already are home.

//

Tag List: @ccodyfern @trelaney @sammythankyou @girlycakepops @ultragibbycentralworld​ @xavierplympton​ @ajokeformur-ray​ @nana15774​ @queencocoakimmie​ @lichellaw​ @grim-adventures58​ @dandycandy75​ @trimbooohgodplsnoooo​ @everything-is-awesomesauce​ @jimmlangdon​ @omgsuperstarg​ @queenie435​ @dextergirl12345​ @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26​ @hplotrfan​ @1-800-bitchcraft​ @coloursunlimited​ @kahhlo​ @storminmytwistedmind​ @langdonslove​ @cuddletothecake​ @nsainmoonchild​ @born-on-stgeorges-day​ @tcc-gizmachine​ @90sroger​ @gold-dragon-slayer​ @atombombastic​ @lvngdvns​ @blakewaterxx​ @yoheyyosup​ @forever1313​ @ladyrindt​ @kaetastic​ @hecohansen31​ @loilko​ @riotsouls666 @lustminaj​ @accio-rogers​ @holylangdon​ @sojournmichael​ @lenas-wild-imagination @i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night​ @diaryofalandlockedmermaid​ @dark-mei-rose​

[alchemist-shizun]

Walking the tightrope

Read on Ao3!

Word Count: 6.018

Characters: Janus, Virgil, Roman, Emile, Andy. (Patton, Logan and Remus mentioned once.)

Pairing(s): Platonic Anxceit, past platonic Royality

Warning(s): Angst, shooting mention, abuse, toxic parent, yelling, death, suicide, self-harm implication, scars mention, hospital mention, overdose, major character death, funeral, panic attack mention, breathing difficulty, self-deprecation/self-loathing, crying, swearing

Summary: Janus moves into a new town due to a tragedy and makes friends with Virgil. As he learns to support his new friend, he realizes how much life sucks even in new beginnings. When another tragedy dawns on him, he decides he's going to try to prevent this from happening ever again.

A/N: Guess what? This started out as a vent fic and then turned out to be... whatever the hell that is. Please read the warnings carefully. As much as it sounds like the saddest and angstiest thing you'll ever read, I promise that it somewhat has a happy ending. I also don't know how I managed to write 6k words, don't ask. Hope you can still enjoy!

✾

So long to all of my friends

Every one of them met tragic ends

With every passing day

I'd be lying if I didn't say

That I miss them all tonight

And if they only knew what I would say

« I know how it feels. »

« To be the new one around? »

« To be the odd one out. »

« Mh. Doesn't seem like you like it much here. »

« Oh believe me, » the stranger turned to Janus, the zips of his leather jacket clattering against the wooden table they were sitting on. « I'm going to be the first one to blow this town. »

That got a chuckle out of Janus, which made the stranger extend his arm.

« My name is Virgil and I don't usually come up to people and be all friendly, but you know, outsiders might understand how I feel better than the locals. »

« The longing feeling to just head home already when everyone else is staring at you and pointing fingers? Yeah, I get it. » the boy nodded, smiling in exchange, then he took Virgil's hand. « I'm Janus. »

« Well Janus, » Virgil wanted to laugh at the odd coincidence of roman-rooted names. « Let's have some fun in hell while it lasts. »

« Oh I already went through and came back five times. It'll be a piece of cake. »

They let their water bottles meet like they were clinking two glasses of white wine together, ready to cheer for an important occasion.

Three months into their friendship and neither had surprisingly bailed out.

« Come on, » it was dark outside and they, of all places, were making use of the kids' park's yellow light lamps. « Confession time. » Virgil sat on one of the swings and motioned for Janus to join him.

« Is that some sort of town tradition? »

« Nah, I just never got to play thirty-six questions in my golden teenage years. »

Janus got onto the swing next to Virgil, moving slowly and humming lost in thought.

« What do you want to know? »

« Anything you want to tell that comes to your mind. That's how it works. »

« This thing has rules? » Janus raised an eyebrow and watched as the other giggled to himself.

« No, I just made them up. »

He rolled his eyes, still smiling in amusement and tried to travel around his mind for any notion: as much as they had stuck together for a while, they still didn't know each other to the core.

Virgil shifted in his seat, swinging slightly thanks to his feet moving against the ground.

They started off with simple facts, how one of them had stolen candy as a kid and got away with it, how they had never watched some of the most famous movies, how they had pretty unusual interests.

Then something clicked, like a door opening for a safer, bigger space they could enter.

« I came here because we were forced to run away. » Janus let out after a brief pause.

Virgil turned to him, now all serious and focused. Careful.

« We lived in a very small town and there was a pretty brutal shooting in my neighborhood. » he sighed heavily. « They didn't catch the shooters, there were possibilities of them coming again so we were immediately gotten to safety. At least … at least the ones who survived. »

The other boy bowed his head, unable to imagine how that must have felt, leaving your childhood home without a single notice of whether your other relatives or your friends were alive or not.

« To this day we haven't gotten news from the detectives. » Janus reminisced of when he used to spend entire days with Remus and Logan. They did say they were going to hang out that day but he was too busy with homework …

He didn't want to think about it anymore.

« Your turn. » he dryly said.

Virgil got the hint and looked up at the sky as if in search of an answer; he was more debating whether or not to open up entirely like he did. Was it too early? He surely didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Yet there was like some sort of force pulling him, pushing him to say whatever came up to his mind instantly.

He decided to play it somewhat safe.

« I have some scars. »

« Oh yeah? Childhood ones? Or surgery- »

Virgil shrugged. « More like … accidents. » that was what they were. Terrible accidents he hated but couldn't help but make real.

Janus snorted, definitely not having understood the implication. « Do you need someone to prevent you from tripping over ladybugs? »

Virgil considered it.

« Actually, yes, yes I do. »

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

One day I'll lose this fight

As we fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

It was another one of those nights and Janus was growing sick of it.

Couldn't there possibly be a way to sneak his friend out of such a horrible home situation? If only there were laws permitting something like adopting someone your age …

His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he took it immediately, words of emotional despair appeared on his chat with Virgil.

He was just so done with life and Janus could almost feel it through their chat client.

At first it didn't seem too unusual. Virgil would give him snippets of when he fought with his dad, nothing too serious.

But then he noticed the frequency with which they happened, and Virgil started trusting him enough to explain the entire conversations they had; or, better, what his dad yelled at him for either ten minutes to half an hour before he was done and let the poor boy seal himself in his bedroom.

The worst thing was while he would feel like the worst person existing in the entire universe for the entire night, his dad would already feel peaceful ten minutes later.

In the meantime, he also destroyed Virgil's psyche with every fight that happened.

Not that he cared or even realized. He would've probably laughed at that statement.

Janus was just furious.

It had been six months ever since he'd gotten to know Virgil and there was no way someone so wonderful was being treated like trash.

He picked up his phone and put it to his hear, waiting for the other to respond.

Of course, when Virgil greeted him, he could hear his broken voice like tiny pieces of glass that were already broken, being stepped on time and time again, becoming nothing but dust.

« What the hell happened? »

« The usual. » he heard him sniff. « I simply exist, but I do it wrong. »

« Virgil there's not right or wrong way to exist. »

« I know that. It's him that does not. Everytime he comes pissed off from work he just needs to take it out on any of us back home I just can't do it anymore. I was only typing on my computer, didn't even say a word and it led to him insulting me because he saw one book on the ground. »

« This is insane. He is insane and I'm going to get you out of there. »

Janus started pacing around his room.

« Please. In any way you can find, please do it. »

His heart sank at the urgency.

He still had no clue how to help, so he simply sat on his bed.

« How am I supposed to live like this for another probably five years with all the university stress I'm already going to have? »

« Does his yelling make you less motivated in studying? » maybe grounding him, finding exactly how he was affected, could help.

« I get unmotivated at everything. It's as if a depressive episode just hit you all at once while you were having a pretty okay day. I just … » there was a pause on the other side. « I really haven't told this to anyone else because I was always scared of it. »

Janus was immobile. « Go on. »

« Everytime he even just looks at me with a hint of disgust or any general negative connotation I already feel awful. And when he criticizes me to the point of insulting me it's even worse and it's like all of his negativity transformed into self-loathing in me. »

He bit his lip: he really wanted to punch a man.

« Basically, you believe everything he says. »

« In the long run it's impossible not to have all those degrading adjectives marked in your brain. But it doesn't end there. I feel so angry at myself, not because I wasn't smart enough to prevent the fight but because I can't help myself. No matter what I do, it's always going to end bad. »

« And it's not like you can talk back either. »

« Oh no, » he chuckled sadly. « I'd make everything worse. I just say nothing and wait for him to let it all out. And then … then I leave and that's where the scary part comes. »

« You mentioned it earlier … what scares you? » Janus was afraid of the answer.

« Uh, well. You know how I said that I become incredibly self-hating? It's like this ball of anger at the pit of my stomach and it's as if something inside me were telling me to hurt myself to make it stop. »

« Hurt yourself? » he really didn't like where that was going.

« I hate it as much as you do, but it's a thing I don't control. It's this part of me that keeps screaming in my head or I won't be satisfied. So I do it, I … those scars I told you about, I did them. It's the only way I have so far that quiets down my anger instantly. And what scares me is … sometimes I don't even regret it when I truly realize it. »

Janus considered what to say, he didn't want to overreact or scare him even more than how much he already was.

« Okay, I think maybe you don't regret it because you feel better afterwards, right? »

« Possibly. »

« As for it being the only solution you have. You have already considered having a distraction but it didn't work, probably. Is that because you feel like you can't do it by yourself? »

There was some silence on the other side, so he gave Virgil all the time he needed to come to terms with his feelings.

« Alone I'm sure I can't do anything. I mean, look at what kind of conditions I'm in right now. »

Janus sighed. « Then let's do this. Let's talk like this everytime you feel like that. »

« Janus- »

« Give me a code word you can text me and I'll ring you immediately. »

« J, I already did it. Tonight, I did it, I did it before I was able to write to anyone. » his voice felt choked, like he was about to cry again.

« Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. The important thing is you got yourself treated. Breathe. »

After some more words of reassurance, Janus told him to lie down while keeping his phone close.

He sat with his back against the wall instead, an idea in mind.

« You like My chemical romance, don't you? »

« This is not a good time to shame my musical preferences. » he let out a chuckle. « But yes, I do. »

« Okay then, close your eyes. »

« What, is Gerard Way going to appear in my room once I open them again? »

Janus mentally slapped his arm. « Will you just work with me? »

« Alright, eyes closed. »

The boy took a deep breath, before starting to hum a song Virgil immediately recognized.

It surprisingly worked, as he focused only on Janus's voice and the way his singing differed from the original, how it was softer due to the hour, how everything felt better when you didn't think of the world surrounding you.

« Just remember you will always burn as bright. »

Soon enough, Virgil wasn't responding anymore and Janus ended the call, settling into bed as well with one horrible thought.

How long until Virgil couldn't endure that anymore?

Be strong and hold my hand

Time, it comes for us, you'll understand

We'll say goodbye today

And I'm sorry how it ends this way

If you promise not to cry

Then I'll tell you just what I would say

He should've known.

Ever since he heard a knock on the door so late at night he should have known something was wrong.

Virgil appeared on the other side of the door, looking distraught as though there had been a ghost instead of his friend right in front of him.

« I did something bad. » it was like he didn't even believe his own words.

Janus's eyes widened. « What happened? »

And then, for some reason, he seemed to withdraw.

« It's nothing- I just … Can you come out? »

Janus stepped outside, a little weirded out by the sudden request as it was almost midnight.

Talking to his friend didn't seem to be an option; he just kept quiet, he was distressed and wiping away at his silent tears, trying to not make Janus notice as he steadied himself by holding his hand.

If only he'd understood sooner.

Virgil led him to a spot, a little hill nearby the city you could reach by walking about fifteen minutes from their little neighborhood. There was none at that time, just a lonely bench.

Yet the upset boy preferred to sit on the grass.

« Will you tell me what's bothering you? »

« I just don't want to be alone right now. » Virgil responded through the tears.

Janus felt anxiety rising in his chest as he murmured an “okay” and strengthened the grip around the other's hands.

Only a beat of silence before the world came crashing down and the sky fell on their heads.

Virgil launched himself at Janus and hugged him with all the might that was left in his body. He felt arms around him hugging him back, hearing words of concern he didn't want to answer because once he voiced reality it would have become too true and he was too scared to accept it.

Tic, tac, time was running out.

« I took some pills. » he blurted out.

He felt hands on his shoulders pulling him back.

« What? What pills? How many? »

Janus's stare was unbearable, he couldn't look up anymore, it felt too heavy. Too heavy, too much.

« I don't know, » his shaking hands wiped away a tear. « All of them! » he yelled, finally. He gasped for air right after, he thought this was because of his crying, but he sure as hell knew his body was starting to shut down.

« All of them?! » he could feel the tears in Janus's voice as his grip on his shoulders tightened.

Virgil started sobbing again and brought his hands to his face. « Please don't leave. » he murmured.

« I won't. I- » Janus was shaking as well, he had just sent a text for someone to call an ambulance. What else could he do? « How long has it been since you took them? »

Virgil shook his head violently. « Too long- too late. »

« It's never too late. The doctors will arrive soon- »

« Late. It's- They won't. Not in. Time. » he wasn't able to talk properly anymore, he wasn't sure whether it was a panic attack or his respiratory system failing him. « Almost three hours ago. »

« Three … » Janus was shocked.

He was suddenly stiff. Three hours was enough for a person to die of overdose.

« I was scared to go alone … » Virgil admitted through the tears again, not looking up, fear stuck in his throat. « I needed to see you one last time. »

Janus was took over by an uncontrollable need; he took the other's face in his hands and forced him to look at him. « You should've called me. » he retorted, trying to repress the sobs.

« I couldn't. I'm sorry. » Virgil put his hands on the other's arms. He apologized again and over again until Janus told him he didn't have to and he didn't need to be forgiven for anything.

« You're angry. »

« I'm heartbroken, Virgil. You didn't get what you deserved because of the horrible people surrounding you. That's not fair! » his voice rose at the last sentence. Yes, he was actually angry, but not at him. He was many things and felt many things at once and he didn't know how to handle those feelings again.

« I don't want you to go. » he had hugged him instantly, because seeing his face meant it was happening, while looking at the dark meant absolutely nothing.

« It's okay. »

« No, it's not. »

There were sirens in the distance.

None of them said a thing in their embrace for a whole minute, their silence broken only by the occasional sobs.

« Janus- »

He could feel Virgil's heart rate slowing down.

« No. No, no- »

The ambulance was coming, they could make it.

« I love you. »

« I love you too, just don't give up. »

« I think I will … lie down. »

Virgil's head dropped on Janus's shoulder: the other moved so he could rest part of his body on his lap.

« Hey J. When you see my dad again … » Janus lifted an eyebrow, he had been caressing his friend's hair in a state of panic for the past minutes. « Tell him he can go fuck himself. »

Janus let out some laughter that almost came off as hysterical with the state he was in.

« I will. I will, Virgil. I'll punch him for you. » he promised with a broken voice.

Virgil sadly smiled at him before closing his eyes one last time.

« Remember … » he whispered, voice low and cracked. « Take care of yourself. »

One last wish.

And he was gone.

Janus immediately doubled over himself, longing for screaming right then and there, instead he kept quiet, his face buried in a dead body.

Right after, he felt two arms lifting him up, he wouldn't have been able to register whatever had happened until the day after.

Those were the doctors.

They could make it, he had thought, stupidly.

Janus could only perfectly recall one moment of that night, when, at three a.m., as soon as he had gotten into a decent mental state to go back home, he reached what once was Virgil's household, knocking on the door.

And, when Virgil's father answered it, he punched him in the face.

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

I'll fail and lose this fight

Never fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

Three days.

Three days is all it takes to organize a funeral.

Three days weren't enough for Janus to accept that any of that had been happening.

On the morning right after his death, his mother had commented on how there were news of a student's death and how terrible they were. Then she had looked at her son's shattered expression, his red eyes and marked eye bags.

She had frowned deeply and caught him in a long-lasting hug, understanding.

He didn't remember what happened on the second day apart from him staying in bed for far longer than necessary.

And then there he was.

All dressed up for the occasion on a Saturday morning, ten o'clock in the front rows of a building for a religion Virgil didn't even believe in.

Thankfully his family was on the opposite side of Janus's seating place.

Funerals were those types of events you couldn't miss, but that you couldn't also wait to leave; you promised yourself you wouldn't cry and yet tears would pool in your eyes at any heartfelt confession made, even the most fake ones.

Anything remotely sad is able to break you down where you're on the verge of weeping.

Still, choking back tears was the usual answer.

Janus looked up when Virgil's sister stood and walked in front of the altar, she was holding a letter and a microphone with both of her shaking hands.

She began talking about her brother and their childhood experiences, all the siblings stuff one would expect. Then she mentioned the letter in her hand.

It was a note Virgil had left before meeting with Janus. Something he knew nothing about.

She wanted to read it aloud.

He zoned out for most of it, not registering her voice like he actually didn't want to know. He caught glimpses of memories of his past and present, of the real people who cared, not one mention of his dad was made.

Then he heard his name and suddenly he couldn't focus anywhere else.

« I've only known him for a little less than a year and yet he's been better than anyone I had ever met in my eighteen years of existence. »

Janus put his hands on his face. How dare he leave him like that?

« It's going to hurt. Don't blame yourself. You couldn't prevent this. It was a choice I made alone. I know it sucks and it's selfish, but I wanted a way out. I'm glad I'm getting to spend my last instants with you and that I got to meet you in time. I'll greet you on the other side when time will come. »

She looked up at him and was met with a longing look that hoped she was over and done with that. She gave him a small nod and smile, then went back to read the conclusion.

Janus wanted to laugh, laugh and cry and curse Virgil.

The rest of the ceremony went by and it was now his turn to bid his last farewell.

He knew words were useless when it came to those situations, so instead he gently leaned in and started off humming a familiar melody.

« If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. »

He wanted to reach out and shake him, tell him he knew he was pretending to be asleep and it was all a big prank so he could leave his family and run away.

Janus would've gone with him.

The light behind your eyes

Virgil looked like he'd taken the form of a storm cloud.

His skin gray, almost non human. Fully clothed with a suit he would've hated, Janus could hear his usual groan in his memories, which made him sadly laugh.

He looked cold and dead and too real and he hated it.

The light behind your

Janus closed his eyes only for a second.

A second in which that whole night came back to him; he felt Virgil's arms surrounding his chest, tears soaking his shirt, panic rising in his lungs.

He wished he could hold him again, take him away and let him into a safer zone.

Instead Janus's mind took him to the instant he watched as Virgil's eyes darkened, as if you could turn off a star, as if you could turn off the sun with a click.

Sometimes we must grow stronger and

You can't be stronger in the dark

When I'm here, no longer

You must be stronger and

The Monday after, Janus felt himself pushed by an incredibly strong and ardent force.

He had gone to school no problem under the aghast stare of his parents, impatiently waiting for the bell to ring for break time. Perfect, as he dared to admit they were, ideas had started to squirm in his mind ever since the funeral.

As he had gotten out of the church, he remembered meeting Virgil's sister, she had given him a hug, showing him how there was a spot in Virgil's letter she hadn't read in which he asked her to do so.

Right after that, his mother had approached him, knowing how close they were, she had uncomfortably mentioned the school therapist Virgil had wanted to meet, doctor Picani.

Emile Picani walked right past him as Janus had started going on the search for his next class.

« Excuse me, »

The doctor turned around in no time, a calm smile placed on his lips. « May I help you? » he spoke softly.

There was no way he didn't know who he was, given that the news of Virgil's suicide had ran around pretty quickly.

« Yes, I was actually looking for you. I'm Janus Dean, from the senior year, I was hoping I could ask you a favor. » there was a sort of electric buzz in his chest as he watched Emile furrow his eyebrows in interest.

« A favor? Therapy sessions aren't a favor I do for students, sweetie, it's my job. » he explained kindly.

Yeah, he didn't get it.

« That's not what I was looking for. I need another kind of help. » he tried, this time Emile simply nodded, letting him finish so he could understand.

« I know this is not the biggest city but as we've seen it doesn't mean there aren't people who need help, even with the smallest things, especially when they're young and experiencing hard struggles for the first time, »

« What I want to try to do is organize a support group made by youth for youth here in this school. I know Virgil was too afraid to actually come to you and I know there are more kids who would rather express their issues to people their age cause that's what happens everyday with online friends. »

« People understanding each other because they're going through the exact same thing at the same time, thus they can empathize so much better and feel at ease. I'm not trying to downgrade your job, on the contrary I wanted both your help to set this up and … well, I was hoping to be able to host it by myself so I'd need a hand on how I should … behave? » he finally looked up at the doctor, breathless.

Picani was smiling the widest he'd ever seen anyone do.

« Janus you are the most incredible person I have ever met. I would love to help! But at one condition: I'm going to stay with you in the first support meetings, then, when we agree you can handle it on your own, I'll leave you be. »

Janus's face lit up with hope and excitement, he sputtered out multiple thank yous and, afterwards, they set a day to work on their project and contact the school's principal to get the permission they needed.

He started walking towards a class he'd have had in ten minutes when he heard a younger voice call him. Janus turned around and found a boy he'd only noticed once or twice in the halls, he only remembered him heading for theatre club at times while he was leaving for home.

« Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with doctor Picani. My name is Roman and I just wanted to say that … well, in short I have gone through a similar thing as you are right now, some years ago. » he looked down, reminiscing of his own experience.

Had Janus lived in that city long enough, he would've known of a middle school student's suicide case, Patton Jones.

« I always had this longing feeling to do something about it but I had felt hopeless until now. What I'm trying to say is, if you need help with your idea, I'd be more than happy to assist. »

Janus hoped that Virgil had been watching over him on that day, because that was the first time he felt like the wind was blowing his way.

« Thank you, Roman. You can already come to Picani's studio tomorrow after class if you'd like. » the other boy gave him a nod. « Until then. » they exchanges smiles and parted ways.

His project was going to see the light of day and there was nothing else he would've asked for in the world right then.

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

I failed and lost this fight

Never fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

It took maybe a month for the support group to finally be successful: at first it was only Janus and Roman, waiting for people to show up and thus chatting along with the school's therapist.

Things started off as awkward until they worked together so well that more and more people were encouraged to show up.

Christmas holidays were drawing near and Janus was nothing but amazed at how far they had come.

He had just said goodbye to his co-host, Roman, and given Emile that session's achievements when he caught someone standing in front of the room's door as soon as he opened it.

« Oh? »

That couldn't be real.

There was a definitely younger boy standing before him, hands in pockets and the same grumpy expression he used to see on Virgil's face. He … he did somehow resemble some of Virgil's traits.

Janus shook that thought off of his head, reminding himself it was probably only because of their similar clothing choice.

When he noticed him, the stranger's eyes widened.

« Can I help you? »

« No, I was just- Well … »

« Did you want to listen? »

The boy probably took that as an attack as he retreated and made himself smaller in his black hoodie.

« It's okay if so, people can come and listen and not say a word if they aren't comfortable with talking. We want it to be a safe space for everyone, without being judged. »

He seemed to consider, standing still. « Okay. I'll see. »

« Well, » the older boy extended his arm. « My name is Janus, pleased to meet you either way. »

He gave him a weak smile. « I'm Andy. »

« Well then Andy, I'll see you around or at next week's meeting? »

Andy nodded and looked down, still hunched over himself; they waved at each other and went home.

It was nothing more than two days later that Janus found Andy sitting at the same wooden table he and Virgil had met.

All those coincidences were making him both dizzy and filled with energy: he reached his new acquaintance and sat with him.

« I know how it feels. » he found himself saying.

Immediately a pair of dark eyes were set on him, a questioning look in them.

« Being the odd one out isn't fun, is it? »

« I guess. I just want to finish high school and leave this town. Living with your parents this much can be unbearable. »

There was some silence, before Janus resumed talking.

« I can perfectly understand. You know, I actually had a similar conversation at this very table one year ago. »

Andy seemed to catch on what he meant right away, he looked up at Janus for the first time, finding a confident young man in front of him.

Janus let his head rest on his palm.

« When he used to vent to me, I'd be able to soothe him with a song sometimes. I'm not saying this exact song would help you in particular, but the concept of it can. Find one peculiar song that grounds you, make it yours for when you need it. »

Andy kept watching him as he explained. He looked at him as though a guardian angel had just dawned on him. How did he know of his profound passion for music?

« And you'll see that soon, unbearable will become conquerable. » he looked at Andy with seriousness in his eyes, but spoke with a kind voice. « Remember to always take care of yourself. »

He sat up. « I will leave you alone now. » he chuckled. « B- »

« No! »

Both of them stared at each other in surprise.

« I mean, » Andy cleared his throat. « You can stay if you want. »

Janus smiled at him and nodded: sitting back down, he noticed Andy's much wider smile.

« So, what music do you listen to? »

The light behind your eyes

He couldn't believe he had come that far.

Janus walked down a street in town, a few years older, his face's structure bolder, his mood as high as ever when he was about to approach the building where his organization resided.

Which was kind of surprising as it was the anniversary of Virgil's death.

Janus was satisfied, to say the least.

He recalled a conversation he had had years prior with Emile Picani about what profession he was thinking of going for and, without missing a beat, he had answered he wished to follow the path of clinical psychology as well.

He had found his call, becoming a therapist and hoping to help as many people as he could: he now was a full time therapist, with his own studio, also visiting schools and participating in the nightly Community Support Group he had founded along Roman.

Sometimes he crossed paths with Emile and, now kind of colleagues, they shared each other's words of wisdom and finally talked more as friends than as mentor and student.

The support group had grown into a pretty big organization and he had succeeded into raising awareness at least in the town he lived in; of course, the challenge was to extend it further, but ending up on local newspapers and in broadcasting services was already a good start, along with multiple online platforms he was trying to maintain with the help of both Roman, Emile and every kid who offered their help.

Their main goal as of then was to expand the meetings to different issues so they could try and work on more specific problems instead of having a messy general one.

Janus stopped to look at the poster on the building's wall.

Some graphic design students had designed the support group flyer: it showcased mainly a picture of Virgil, since they had founded that group in his honor.

It was his favorite picture of Virgil, with his soft smile and that sparkle in his eyes he could still notice even after seeing it leaving his irises firsthand.

It didn't matter what he saw, though, cause his memory lived in him, he lived through him and he knew he would have been proud of him.

Janus looked away with an enormous sense of nostalgia and walked up the stairs.

« Just remember you will always burn as bright. »

Janus entered the building, taking with himself the light behind Virgil's eyes.

[rennyforpresident]

Renny’s BBSim: Second Chances Week 7: When It Rains, It Pours

Welcome back to Biiiiiiiiiig Brother!

@brentrobinson @cirie-sandra-michaela @flopbb-22 @flungevictee @fucklauryn @iantxrry @kaysarswhore @maxdoesbb @music-obsessednerd @pawn2393 @paymeincashnottears @phylisisley @rennyforpresident @swampassthing @wheremy--demons--hide

Jury:  @theminionjcfucked

Previously, @theminionjcfucked was evicted over @iantxrry. @cirie-sandra-michaela, @fucklauryn, and @flopbb-22 were on the wrong side of the vote; was it strategy? Was it tomfoolery? Was it something more? 

Have any of our alliances shifted in the house?

We’re still going strong! Who will @cirie-sandra-michaela choose to side with in the end? Will he have to make that decision this week? Let’s find out

This competition is TOUGH. Not only are these houseguests hanging from disco balls and being swung around in every direction, glitter bombs are going off every 10 minutes.

But on the bright side, Big Brother has paid for the rights to play ABBA’s Greatest Hits during this competition!

The people can’t take the heat! As soon as Waterloo comes on, @cirie-sandra-michaela drops. When Dancing Queen comes on, @paymeincashnottears and @swampassthing just CAN’t help but jump off the disco ball like Meryl Streep jumps off the dock during the musical number in Mamma Mia (2008)! @iantxrry falls shortly after that, and screams so loudly that it spooks @fucklauryn off her disco ball!

Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) starts playing, and the speed of the disco balls picks up! 

@flopbb-22 wanted to win so badly, but just couldn’t hold on. 

The competition is STIFF, but this time, no one wants to make a deal. That’s bad news for @phylisisley, who gets knocked off just as the chorus of Name of the Game starts

The final two both look at each other, and know that neither will put the other up. @kaysarswhore: “Drop? I really need that letter.”

@pawn2393 makes a split decision....

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@kaysarswhore! You are our first TWO TIME HOH of the season! You have secured your safety and earned the right to nominate two of your fellow houseguests for eviction.

@pawn2393 and @kaysarswhore are immediately in the storage room doing a celebration dance.

@kaysarswhore in the DR: “I am SO ready for this week! I can finally play again!”

At the nomination ceremony, @kaysarswhore decides to air it all out to the house.

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@kaysarswhore: “I said when I won that I wasn’t going to be afraid to play this week. @fucklauryn, when I nominated you last, you survived! I want to find out if you can pull it off again. @phylisisley, you cannot be trusted. @iantxrry has been feeding me info for the past few weeks, and I know all about the dirty, underhanded game you’ve been playing. You shouldn’t be here, and I hope you leave this week. This ceremony is adjourned.”

@phylisisley immediately gets up after the meeting and gets into a screaming match with @kaysarswhore. This is the kind of shit the announcer would say “see the crazy fallout from the nomination ceremony, next time”. Plates are broken, tables are flipped, even the wall yeller outside the house is afraid.

@fucklauryn in the DR: “Well shit. It’s hard for me to feel bad after watching @kaysarswhore tear @phylisisley apart. She really went in.”

@phylisisley in the DR: “What @kaysarswhore doesn’t know is that I’ll get my revenge. There’s no way in hell I’m letting that bitch take me out. I mean, for fucks sake, there was a PLANE that flew over the house talking bad about her. When I stay and win HOH, it’s OVER.”

Clearly, tensions are running high in the house. That means that the veto is more important than ever

Will one of the nominees save themselves from the block? Will @flopbb-22 work with his bestie @kaysarswhore to keep the noms the same? Will @iantxrry secure her first veto win of the season and shake up the house? Will @paymeincashnottears finally get some screentime? Let’s find out

After the very first round, @paymeincashnottears buzzes in with the incorrect answer! She says “Nomination” instead of “Nominations”, and is eliminated from the competition

Everyone else manages to make it to the end of the competition, but @kaysarswhore and @flopbb-22 fail to score even a single point for themselves

After calculating all of the point totals, in third place with 3 points is....

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@iantxrry. You have not won the power of veto. That means it comes down to our two nominees. The winner of this weeks veto is...

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@phylisisley! You have won your second POV! 

Immediately after winning, @phylisisley turns to @kaysarswhore and says “Well how about that? Looks like karma’s got it’s kiss for you, huh?”

Before she can grab the veto, @kaysarswhore grabs it from the pedestal and throws it into the pool. Eventually, it’s fished out and put around @phylisisley‘s neck.

The DRAMAAAAAA of it all!

At the veto ceremony, it’s clear that @phylisisley will use the veto on herself. But with her target off the block, who will @kaysarswhore put up in her place?

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@kaysarswhore: “I really have no other people in this house that I want to see go. @paymeincashnottears, I don’t have a reason to put you up, but I also don’t have a reason to keep you safe. Because of that, I am nominating you.”

@paymeincashnottears in the DR:

Now that the nominees are locked, the houseguests just have to sit and wait for eviction night. While they wait for Thursday,

@swampassthing and @iantxrry bond over having recently survived the block. They realize the power structures in the house right now, and figure out that if they don’t have each other’s backs, they might as well kiss the money goodbye.

While these two bond downstairs, in the HOH room, @kaysarswhore​ and @flopbb-22​ are bonding, too. 

@kaysarswhore​: “Can you believe my absolute shit show of an HOH? I mean I said I wanted to play the game this week, but this is insanity!”

@flopbb-22​: “I know!! And you know who’s to blame?”

Both at the same time: “ @phylisisley​!”

@flopbb-22​: “You know........ there is something we could do.......... I’d be more than happy to do it for you............ let’s

FLIP

THAT

MATTRESS!”

While @phylisisley​ is laying on her bed, @flopbb-22​ comes in a flips the mattress with her still on it. Normally, production would step in, but they wanna see how this one plays out. (Yeah we all know who Grodner’s favorite is this season)

The two argued for a while afterwards, but eventually things settled down.

The next morning, however, @flopbb-22​ woke up devastated. She remembered the events of the night before, and felt so bad that she immediately woke everyone else up and called them to the living room.

@flopbb-22​: “I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, that my behavior in this house has been shameful. @phylisisley​, I hope that there are no hard feelings, and I’m happy to talk privately after this. I promise I’ll stop making this game personal and start being a little more vulnerable with everyone. Love you guys <3″ 

Everyone could feel that @flopbb-22​ was genuine; what reason does he have to lie?

That afternoon, in the backyard, for the SECOND time this season

@kaysarswhore​ gets dragged by America yet again. This time, the banner says

It’s a little hard to read, but the houseguests eventually make it out. @kaysarswhore​ spends the rest of the day in her HOH room being comforted by @flopbb-22​ and @pawn2393​.

Finally, it’s eviction night!

(ignore that it says celebrity sdffdkjlsj)

Julie: “Houseguests! I’ve been told you’ve been getting into some antics this week! I’d love to hear more!

@iantxrry​, what’s been the best part about living in the BB house?”

@iantxrry​: The game! I’ve loved this game my whole life, and getting to play it for a second time is a dream. It’s SO much fun”

Julie: “ @pawn2393​, what has it been like being on slop this season?”

@pawn2393​: “Awful! I honestly just swallow it without chewing; if I can’t taste it, it’s easier that way.”

Julie: “It sounds like you’re all having fun then! Now let’s ruin it with another vote to evict!”

@fucklauryn​: “Round Three! I’ve done this before, and I have to say, I think this one may be my last. @paymeincashnottears​ is a wonderful person, and I could never say a bad thing about them. I genuinely hope you keep me here longer so I can help you all out, but I completely understand and there’s no hard feelings! Good luck to you all, and I look forward to being friends after this!”

@paymeincashnottears​: “Hey guys! I know we’re halfway through now, but I still haven’t gotten into my groove yet! I wanna play this game, and I hope you’ll keep me to let me do that! Love you all!”

Julie: “Wonderful! Let’s vote.”

Of course @cirie-sandra-michaela​ wouldn’t vote out his own ally. But the rest of the first four votes all go to evicting @fucklauryn​.

What? Two more votes to evict @paymeincashnottears​? Could the pawn really be going home? It’s up to @swampassthing​ to break this tie.

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Julie: “When I reveal the name of the evicted houseguest, they will have one minute to gather their belongings, say their goodbyes, and exit the Big Brother house.”

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Julie: “ @fucklauryn​, come on out!”

Julie: “ @fucklauryn​, this was your third time up, were you ready to go?”

@fucklauryn​: “I wouldn’t say I was ready, but I definitely knew. @paymeincashnottears​ wasn’t a threat, and for some reason everybody thought I was! When you get that label early, it’s just really hard to shake it off.”

Julie: “How do you think the remaining houseguests will play now that you’re gone?”

@fucklauryn​: “Well, of course I’m rooting for my ride or die @cirie-sandra-michaela​. But I can see @phylisisley​ making it far too! She showed how much fight she had in her during that veto comp this week, so it’ll be interesting to see what she does next!”

Julie: “It’s been lovely having you here, thank you so much for playing again.

We’re officially at the halfway point! The game only gets better from here on in. Until next time, from outside the Big Brother house, I’m Julie Chen. Goodnight.”

Okay I actually went nuts writing this this is insane dlfsdjfa;sk. I hope y’all forgive me for making you actually the messiest people on earth

[jungkookiebus]

δαίμων Pt. 1 | myg & jhs

Genre: demon!au, supernatural!au, eventual smut Pairing: demon!yoongi x demon!hobi x reader Word count: 2.4k Warnings: none yet, foul language Summary: You’ve thought your house has been haunted for awhile and you want your friend, Haneul, to help you figure it out. Yoongi and Hobi are on assignment at your house to find out why other demons that have inhabited your house have either gone insane or went missing entirely. A ouija board session goes wrong that sends Yoongi reeling back to his old ways and it’s up to Hobi to get him under control. 

One week earlier

“I swear my house is haunted.”

Haneul stared at you as if you had grown a third eye. “Did you just say what I thought you just said?”

“Hear me out.” Haneul rolled his eyes. “Weird things have been happening! I’ll lose something for a few days and then it’ll just show up in the middle of my bed.” Haneul continued to give you a dead pan stare. “One day, I came home and all of my books on my bookcase were rearranged by color.”

“Someone broke into your house?”

“And rearranged my books? I don’t think so.”

“Listen, you’re probably sleep walking. Remember when we were kids? You used to do all kinds of weird shit.”

“This is different, and you know it.”

Present day

“Are you serious? A Ouija board?” Haneul had seen it all, but now he thought you were reaching.

“I have to find out what’s in my house, Haneul.”

“I’ll entertain you this one time, _____.”

On another plane of existence all together

Hobi dusted the imaginary dirt off his lapels as he stepped up on the sidewalk. Yoongi took his place beside him, sticking a sucker in his mouth as he squinted in the sunlight. The weather was hot, annoyingly so. The neighborhood around them reeked of old money and the house in front of them was an old Victorian style home that stood dark against the blue sky. Birds chirped in the trees above them and the sound of locusts buzzed in the distance.

“Did you get the job done?” Hobi asked looking sideways at the dark haired man beside him.

Yoongi looked at him lazily while slowly rotating the sucker in his mouth before he pulled it out with a slow ‘pop’.

“What? Didn’t think I could do it?”

“We’re on probation, we can’t be getting into trouble again or the big man downstairs is gonna be pissed.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes as he stuck the sucker back in his mouth. He spoke around it this time. “It’s not like we killed some big wig.”

“We killed the wrong person, Yoongi.”

Yoongi shrugged nonchalantly.

A woman walking her dog walked passed them, unknowing that they were there, but the dog looked straight at Yoongi. Yoongi pulled the sucker from his mouth and stuck his tongue out at the dog who growled in turn.

“Come on, Rex,” the woman said without so much as a glance behind her.

“I want a dog,” Yoongi stated.

“Can you stop playing around? We have work to do.”

“What are we doing here?” he asked gesturing to the house in front of him.

“Guy assigned to this house had a mental breakdown and they pulled him off the case.”

“Seriously?” Yoongi huffed out a laugh. “Guy couldn’t handle a ‘haunting’?” He held up his fingers in air quotes. “Why are we doing so much grunt work?”

“We’re in trouble, remember? Or did you already forget?”

Yoongi shrugged again.

“Why are you so lax about this? This could mean our lives, Yoongi.”

“How long have you been around, Hobi?” he asked pointing the sucker at him.

Hobi’s head shifted to the side quickly in thought. “Few thousand, give or take.”

“Exactly. If I go, I go.”

Yoongi thrust both arms out in front of him so that his sleeves came off his wrists. He reached down to roll them up to his elbows before he stuck his hand in his pocket.

“Let’s get this party started.”

“When do you want to do this?” Haneul asked.

“Tonight, of course. If we do it during the day it won’t have a good effect.”

“So…they only work at night?”

“No, I just think it’ll be better.”

Haneul sighed as he fell back on the couch and put his phone in front of his face. You walked to the kitchen to finish washing the dishes from the night before and that’s when you felt the shift in the atmosphere.

“Haneul?” you called. You heard no response. You quickly turned around and frantically looked around the kitchen for the source of the feeling. This was different from all the other times you felt like you were being watched. The air around you was thick and your tongue felt swollen in your mouth. The bulb above you dimmed slightly and you began to panic as your heart beat hard in your chest.

“This her?” Yoongi asked gesturing towards the girl in front of him. She seemed panicked as she looked around the room.

“Quit doing that,” Hobi said.

Yoongi snickered as the bulb went back to full brightness.

“_______. 26 years old, no immediate family still alive, believes in the occult, once dabbled in it at 16, only known close relationship is with her friend, Haneul, which was that guy in the living room you knocked out.” Hobi was reading from a paper he had pulled from his pocket.

“She’s cute,” Yoongi said walking up closer to her.

“Yoongi.” Hobi’s tone was low in warning. “Lest I need to remind you of 1692?”

“It was one time. Plus, new age, new rules.”

“The rules have never changed.”

Yoongi shrugged. “Fine. That girl got what she deserved anyway.”

“She was burned at the stake.”

“Hobi, we’re into those things. Lest I need to remind you of who we are?”

“I wish I could kill you.”

A large smile graced Yoongi’s face as he turned back to the girl. He casually leaned on the counter next to her and examined her face. “So, what’s the job?”

The girl turned in the general direction of Yoongi before she spoke. “Who’s there?” Her voice shook with fear as her grip tightened on the hand towel she held.

“She’s observant.”

“The job is to find out what’s going on with this house. The last guy had a mental breakdown and the one before that disappeared from this plane all together.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up as he turned to Hobi.

“So, we were sent here for sacrifice? Typical.”

“No. They think we’re capable of finding the root of the problem.”

Yoongi reached out and tapped the girl on the nose. She went reeling back against the counter, breathing heavily.

“Yoongi, fuck off.”

He laughed as he sauntered back over to Hobi and sat cross legged on the floor.

“Where do we start?”

“First of all, cut the shit.”

All the sudden, the atmosphere in the kitchen turned back to normal.

“Haneul!!!”

Haneul came running into the kitchen looking around frantically. “What?!” he asked breathlessly.

“Did you feel that?”

He straightened from his “fighting” stance to look at you.

“I thought something bad had happened.” He turned to leave the kitchen once more.

“No, wait! I’m serious! The air felt…felt crushing; it was almost like I couldn’t breath Haneul. A-and then the lights dimmed, and I felt something touch me.”

“You need a nap.”

“Why don’t you believe me!?” You were close to tears now, the frustration coursed through your veins like fire.

“Look, I’m gonna tickle your fancy later and play with that Ouija board, but for now you need to chill. You’re getting yourself worked up over this.” Haneul had placed his hands on your shoulders and looked you square in the face. “Okay?”

You sighed heavily as you shook your head in agreement. “Okay.”

“Good. Now let’s go watch some stupid tv show.”

Later that night

Haneul walked into your spacious bedroom shortly after eleven that night and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked.

You sat in the middle of your bedroom, board on the floor, and surrounded by several lit candles.

“It’s for the atmosphere.”

“Is it absolutely necessary to recreate some scene from The Craft?”

“Just fucking humor me.”

“This is nice,” Yoongi said appreciatively as he walked into the room. “Candles and everything.” He said this with a wag of his eyebrows as he looked at Hobi. Hobi rolled his eyes as he walked the perimeter of the room.

“I met this woman downstairs,” Hobi said matter-of-factly.

“And?”

“She lived here about seventy years ago, but she doesn’t seem to be all here. I think she’s half in, half out. When I try to talk to her, she just looks at me confused and calls me Jaeho.”

“Well, fuck that lead then. Maybe she’ll conjure up some weird shit with this board.” Yoongi was pointing at the Ouija board in the center of the room.

“Like what? Something like us?” Hobi rolled his eyes.

“Can I mess with them?”

“Please don’t screw this up for us.”

“Just a little bit.”

You sat down in front of the board and placed your fingers on the planchette looking down at it pointedly so that Hanuel would get the idea. He sounded exasperated as he sat down in front of you and did the same. You moved the planchette around in a circle on the board.

“What are you doing?”

“Warming it up.”

“Oh yea, Ouija board, you feel that? This is demon foreplay.”

“Be serious, Haneul.”

He stifled his giggle as he let you move the planchette a few more times.

“Okay,” you began. “Now we ask it a question.”

“Fire away, séance master.”

You stared Haneul down as he smiled back at you.

“Is there anyone here with us?”

Yoongi looked expectantly at Hobi.

“Don’t get weird,” Hobi said.

Yoongi sat down on one side of the board, _____ on his right and Haneul to his left. He reached out and placed a single finger on the planchette as he slid it to ‘yes’.

______’s eyes opened wide as her gaze shot up to Haneul.

“You moved that,” Haneul said.

“I did not! Did you?!”

“Wasn’t me,” he shrugged.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

Yoongi snickered as he started to move again.

“D,” she said.

“I.”

“C.”

Yoongi was almost in full giggles at this point.

“K.”

“Oh my god, you’re a child,” Hobi said as he stood outside the circle of candles with his arms crossed.

“Haneul,” she said pointedly. “You’re an idiot.”

“I didn’t do it, ____! I swear!”

“You love dick jokes.” She was pissed now.

“Just ask another question.”

“Why are you here?”

Yoongi put his finger to his mouth in thought as he looked around the room objectively.

“Careful,” Hobi warned.

“Secret,” he spelled out.

“Secret?” she asked. “Are you a good ghost?”

Yoongi quickly spelled out demon.

“Fuck that,” Hanuel’s hands shot off the planchette. “I’m not fucking with this anymore.”

Hobi quickly passed through the circle of candles to pull Yoongi to his feet by his collar.

“Are you fucking kidding me you, asshole!”

The flames of the candles grew higher as Hobi’s anger rose and the room darkened to an eerie shade of black save for the flame of the candles that continued to grow higher and higher.

Yoongi was now equally as pissed as he shoved Hobi off him.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Hobi.” His dark hair was now covering his eyes, but Hobi could see the faint glow of fire there.

“Reign yourself in, Yoongi. Remember what happened last time.”

Yoongi’s anger didn’t subside as his hands fisted at his sides. The whole house started to groan and protest under the weight of him. The distant sound of wood cracking in the attic caused ______ to shoot up from her spot on the floor.

“We gotta get out of here!” she yelled while grabbing Haneul’s hand and pulling him from the room and down the stairs.

“Yoongi,” Hobi said taking a tentative step towards him. His eyes were full aglow now and the Yoongi he knew was far from this room. “You need to calm down.”

Yoongi breathed heavily as the veins on his neck became prominent against his skin. “Don’t tell me what to do.” His voice was deep, unnaturally so. “I’m sick and tired of you telling me what to do.”

Yoongi lashed out and picked up a desk chair next to him and hurtled it towards Hobi. Hobi held up his arm and let it crash against it, scattering into several pieces around him.

“Yoongi, stop it!” he yelled. As Hobi’s anger rose with Yoongi’s, the more the foundations of the house protested under the weight. The house groaned on its bearings and glass shattered somewhere downstairs. “You’re going to ruin this before we even start it!”

Yoongi was looking less human by the second as a shade of dark gray shifted and rippled across his skin, fingernails growing yellow as he challenged Hobi to come any closer. Hobi had dealt with an angry Yoongi in the past and this was no different; this was why Yoongi was no longer allowed to work alone.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Haneul yelled as a vase shattered beside him. The house groaned as if the very wood in the walls was going to explode at any second and the roof was going to come crashing down on them. The lights in every room flickered on and off sporadically as pictures fell off their nails and onto the floor.

“I told you something was in here!” you yelled as you rushed towards the front door.

You both ran down the front steps, tripping into the grass on the front lawn as you turned to look back at the house. The windows were now opening and closing so quickly that the glass in a few shattered. The lights continued to flash on and off along with the sounds of a deep growl and then a piercing scream and then, suddenly, it all stopped. You were both sitting on the lawn breathing heavily and staring up at the house as if you were expecting it to start up again.

“What. The. Fuck,” Haneul whispered beside you.

You both looked at one another trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Hobi held a now limp Yoongi in his arms. The charm Hobi had pulled from his pocket was now around Yoongi’s neck, having rent his powers from him. Hobi sighed heavily as he gently laid Yoongi’s body on the floor. He was breathing evenly now, his skin turned back to its normal pale shade, and Hobi knew if he opened his eyes, they would be back to their normal chocolate brown. Hobi fell back on his ass as he let out a long sigh.

“This is going to be fun.”

[youngerdaniel]

Youngo’s 2019 at the Movies (with Baby Yoda)

IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN, FOLKS...

Wherein this blog crawls out of the woodwork with fresh aspirations for a more consistent content strategy in the year to come. Like a Baby Yoda emerging from his floating iron egg to great the sun. So let’s dust off some cobwebs and talk about the great movies that came out in 2019.

BRIEF UPDATES FROM THE WAFFLER This year marked a turning point. No, not that fucking decade that everybody’s making a big deal about. Not even that I hit 30 but thankfully have most of my (still not totally gray) hair... Nope, I went into business for myself. I leapt off the stable lily pad of 9-5 etc. and went freelance! Life’s been full of stories since then -- both the kind I write, and the kind I get to look under the hood on. I’m happy to report I’ve written more than ever before... Just not blogs, and mostly stuff I’m not at liberty to discuss.

*Clears throat. Pulls up the collar on his trench coat.* And I may have had more hair turn gray. Turns out, running your own ship is quite a bit of work, especially when you’re teaching yourself how the hell you do it. Nevertheless, I loved the shit out of every minute of it, and I still use phrases like nevertheless. It could easily be a blog (or several) for a different time, but the short and easy explanation of the absence is I was busy, it was fun, get over it. 

Besides, we don’t actually care about whatever lame excuse I have for why I haven’t been posting. We’re here because it’s 2020 and time for a listicle, dammit! This one is neither definitive nor ranked. But dang if 2019′s fodder didn’t come sauntering into theaters like the big chuckling cherub of Christmas Present, with a cornucopia of awesomeness. 

THINGS I LOVED, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE David Robert Mitchell’s neo noir takes a fittingly existential approach to detective fiction. An enigmatic case, hidden clues and coded pop culture, Andrew Garfield’s charmingly hapless sleuth... There’s a lot to love in this weird soup of a movie. At times nightmarish, often trippy, and an excellent performance from a parrot. Late night fodder.

CLIMAX Gaspar Noe does not make sane movies. With Climax, there’s a hypnotic quality that sucks you in and drags you along on its nightmarish journey as a group of dancers drink from a punchbowl laced with drugs. The result is absolute bedlam, and everything from the lighting to the camerawork pulls its weight to put you into the action. This is the kind of thing you watch and marvel that, “Wow, they went there.” to varying degrees of satisfaction. Like a freight train barreling toward the side of a mountain, it’s hard to look away even though you know you probably should. 

JOJO RABBIT And then there’s a different kind of madness. The movie that billed itself as “The movie that shouldn’t work.” Jojo Rabbit is so full of heart. This is Taika Waititi in full force, and hilarity meets real pathos. Love is better than Nazis. It’s a simple message, and I think it doesn’t need to be much more. The relevance of such a narrative in our time is pretty disappointing, but the truth seems to be that we need ones like this to come along and remind the collective. The mashup of humor with genuine drama is balanced in a way that will feel familiar to fans of THE HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE or BOY. The performances are superb, and it’s a beautiful looking film. If you missed it last year, start the new one off right and amend this problem.

US The thing I dug the most about US was how unique it felt. Original premises in horror are on the rise, and there’s no denying the man leading the wave is Jordan Peele. The social commentary elements of this followup to GET OUT play with a little more subtlety, and in some ways it almost felt like a stronger move... But I refuse to compare the two of them. US stands out in its own right, and carries some of the most memorable performances of the year. A twisting narrative that crackles with tension, and a concept that haunts the imagination. What if your every action had an equal an opposite effect on a mirrored version of yourself? A study on the impact of the class system, and a nightmarish what-if to explain the real life series of underground tunnels that span the United States. Also, that costume design! That Alexa gag! The way this one opens up at the midpoint was such a delight in the theater. I’d apologize for spoilers, but let’s be real... You’ve seen this movie.

AD ASTRA Best summed up as “Daddy Issues in Space,” AD ASTRA feels like the kind of sci-fi mysteries that were made in the late 70s and 80s. A spellbinding journey to the far edges of the galaxy to save the world, and maybe prove that aliens exist. Oh, and to stop your possibly insane father from destroying the human race on the way. Brad Pitt is on fire, and everything about this potent emotional journey remains focused on his character’s dilemma of deciding whether or not his father was a good man, what it means to him and his own isolated existence, and whether he can overcome that shit and live a life instead of taking risks. From its opening scene to its closing one, this one blends gripping life-or-death set-pieces exploring the dangers of space travel and the cyclical nature of humanity’s progress with small moments. The journey, the heart-wrenching climax, and the harrowing trip home is well worth the rental fee. Check it out.

THE GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR

Some horror movies exist to make you think, some exist to cover their protagonists in black goo, subject them to grueling physical and psychological lament, and chuck ‘em through a woodchipper for good measure. The Girl on the Third Floor takes your average premise of “Stubborn and troubled guy picks a fixer-upper house to flip, only to discover horrors beyond his imagining” and leans hard into the gross-outs and festering boils of body horror. Reminiscent of Evil Dead, Amityville, and Dead Alive, there’s so much insanity to love, and the movie makes some big turns -- some surprising, some daring, some a little out there. It is by no means perfect, but it’s got a charm about its rough edges. You will never look at a marble the same way again.

I LOST MY BODY

I know. “A life-affirming work” left me a little skeptical too. But from its very first frame, I LOST MY BODY is arresting. Its hypnotic narrative follows the story of a severed hand in search of its owner, and has great fun carrying you along with its troubled protagonist’s journey from a crush to obsession. The sheer amount of visual storytelling and striking imagery is worth the runtime, but for any arthouse lovers feeling a little too chilled to hop down to the nearest indie theatre can open a new tab and have at it. Didn’t expect to be as moved by this one as I was, and for that I must recommend it.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME The fact that a movie like this can even exist is pretty amazing, and I have to say, as the culmination to the Avengers saga as we know it, ENDGAME delivered something with way more heart and character than I expected. Funny, sad, bittersweet, and massively satisfying. This is the Thanksgiving Turkey dinner of movies. It’s got everything. But the best part for me was how little fighting the big superhero finale of the decade had to it. Firmly rooted in character, taking ambitious and surprising turns in their trajectories, and balancing the fanwanks with a genuinely exciting story. I mean, c’mon. Time heist? A Greatest Hits play that also recontextualizes a few of the lesser films of the sweeping franchise? The third act battle felt a little tacked-on, but the conclusion felt like exactly what we needed. 

READY OR NOT I love this movie. Love it like an adorable, scrappy friend who always manages to make their social commentary entertaining. Hide and Seek turns deadly for a bride to be when she meets her future in-laws, the proprietors of a board game company that takes their product very seriously. A darkly funny survive-the-gauntlet-till-morning ride. Great characters. Awesome kills. A few really unexpected and delightfully devilish turns. Oh, and it takes a stab at privilege and how far some people are willing to go to preserve theirs. It’s got teeth, a mean bite, and it’s fun to walk around the neighborhood. If you liked YOU’RE NEXT, you will probably love this movie. I still can’t get its final few moments out of my head. And I mean that in the best way.

PARASITE Speaking of social criticism and privilege, there’s no denying the brute fucking force of PARASITE. Following a struggling family who imbed themselves into a rich family by posing as the help, this madcap game of suspense takes so many surprising turns that even describing the full plot spoils the fun. Go into this one having read as little as possible. It will take you for a spin. Part con movie, part social critique, part comedy and part tragedy, it’s a lot to digest, but it’s a damned tasty treat. 

KNIVES OUT In a word, it’s fun. Rian Johnson’s locked room murder mystery packs some wonderful barbs in the side of affluence, armchair activism, and the corruptive nature of wealth. A wealthy novelist is found dead, and all of his family members have motive... But don’t let the familiar set-up fool you, KNIVES OUT plays fair with its audience, but it is a fast runner. The story jumps ahead of you almost every time you think you’ve got it figured out. Daniel Craig’s genius sleuth is full of likable energy, protagonist Marta is full of layers, and the family are all such a pleasure to watch. Several times along the trip, I had no idea where the story would turn next, or how much further the envelope could be pushed, but by the end, I came out marveling at its construction. The production design is unreal. The direction and vibe are so unique, and by the closing image, it’s nearly impossible not to enjoy the shift in values. There’s also a speech involving donuts that I will be reciting at parties for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL ISN’T REAL

I closed off the year with this wildly inventive take on the possession trope. This. Movie. Is. Nuts. Which, considering it was produced by the same folks who did MANDY, shouldn’t come as a surprise. A mind-bending tale that riffs on Jekyll and Hyde, with a great modernization tackling the concept from a mental health perspective... It’s not the first time it’s been done, but the execution is just excellent. We follow a disturbed young man whose imaginary friend hatched from a childhood trauma makes a devilish return to play hell with his adult life. It’s a psychological horror that’s FIGHT CLUB meets THE DOUBLE. Great look. Excellent creature design and visuals for a cosmic horror that makes great use of low budget devices. If you’re looking for the answer to the age old question of “Should my third act involve my protagonist battling his inner demons literally with a rooftop sword fight?” You’ve found your contender.

I’ll tell you this, reader friend. The hardest part about 2019′s slate at the box office was deciding what to see. There were so many interesting movies that came out, brimming with big ideas and social commentary. Sad as the state of the world is, there’s no denying times of unrest have a knack for yielding great art. The Trump era has made its stamp on Hollywood for better or for worse. But the rising tide of voices pushing back give me a bit of hope, and a lot of salve for the whole existential dread thing. I think that, however small it is, is good.

For what it’s worth, none of these films are reinventing the wheel or burning flags... But they are asking questions. Okay, CLIMAX, really isn’t asking anything, but it is fun as hell. There’s just as much merit in the salve as there is in the flame that caused the burn.  So may your 2020 be full of entertainment. I’ll try to get some useful content up here at least every couple of months in smaller digestible forms. Now go forth and brunch, you hungover, resolution-breaking slob.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighty-One: Pizza Delivery ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura ] [ SasuHina, InoSaku ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Laying atop her bed, a leg resting atop her other bent knee, Hinata has closed eyes as she gently bobs her raised foot. A pair of bulky headphones rest over her ears, currently playing a playlist she’s carefully hand-crafted to help her relax. She just got done with a day that included two exams, and...needless to say, she’s in need of a little downtime.

A figure eventually stands in her open doorway, rapping knuckles before realizing...she can’t hear them. They call her name...then a little louder...louder...until just walking in and jostling her knee.

Eyes snapping open, Hinata reflexively bolts upright, scrambling to remove her headphones. “Huh, what?”

One of her roommates stands beside her bed, now laughing heartily. “Sorry! I guess you couldn’t hear me?” Ino asks, still chuckling a bit. “I tried to sorta...rustle you gently.”

“That’s, um...that’s okay! Did you...need something?”

“Well, I was gonna ask if you wanted to hang with Sakura and I tonight? I think we all got brutalized by exams this week, so we wanted to have a little evening off! Thought we’d order some pizza and just, like...watch a movie or something. Sound good?”

Hinata quickly perks up. “I’d r-really like that! Here, um…” She starts rooting around in her bedside drawer. “I have some money I can chip in…”

“Okay, cool! Just let me know what you want, and I’ll order it online. I think we’ve got drinks, so that’s all good. It’ll be nice to have a night to just...chill after all the rush lately.”

“Yeah, you’ve g-got that right,” Hinata agrees with a heavy sigh. “I’ll be so glad those classes are over for the semester…”

“I know, right?” Accepting Hinata’s contribution of cash, Ino gives a mock salute, turning on her bare heel and taking her leave.

Once she’s gone (having been polite and shut the door), Hinata flops back atop her bed. That was...mildly embarrassing.

The three girls in their apartment are all currently juniors in college. All three went to the same high school: Sakura is going into nursing, Ino is studying to go into journalism, and Hinata is taking classes to be an elementary school teacher. Ino and Sakura had been best friends in high school, Hinata a bit of a tagalong. But they’ve gotten along rather well.

Some...well, a bit better than others. Not long into their freshmen year, Sakura and Ino actually started dating. Which Hinata was honestly very happy about. She’d always had a kind of suspicion about it, but...well, it wasn’t her place to speculate. They’ve been going steady ever since, and show no signs of slowing down.

It just...well...can make living with them a little awkward at times. Whether it be feelings of being a third wheel, being teased for her single status (or her bicuriosity), or having to endure various, er...noises, Hinata can - at times - feel a little out of place.

But she still considers both girls good friends, as they’ve only all gotten closer as the past three years have gone by. She just feels a little lonely sometimes, even though she hardly lives by herself.

Staring at her ceiling for a time, she eventually sits up with a grunt, heading out into the belly of their shared apartment. On her phone, Ino asks for her order.

“Um...vegetarian is good with me,” is her reply, given with a shrug. “If, um...if that won’t be too complicated?”

“Nope, you’re good! We can split it three ways. Wanna make sure we’ve got enough drinks? I’ll have Sakura stop by the corner store if not.”

Peeking her head in the fridge, Hinata finds their typical stash of soda, beer, wine, and bottled cold coffee. “W-we’re good!”

“Awesome! Sakura should be back soon, and then we can pick a movie. Ugh, I am so ready for this weekend…” Finalizing their order, Ino then boots up the TV and Netflix, browsing a few things as they wait. Hinata opens a soda, quietly sipping and watching the screen from behind the couch.

“I’m back, ladies!”

“Hey babe,” Ino calls back as Sakura arrives. “We’re having a movie note!”

“Oh hell yes,” the rosette replies, dumping her bag by the door for the time being. “What’re we watching?”

“Dunno yet.”

“I’m down for anything.”

“Hinata, any preference?” Ino asks from over the couch.

“Oh, uh...not really? Just nothing like, um...slashers, or whatever.”

“Weak stomach?” Sakura teases, making Hinata go pink. “It’s all right. I think something more low-key would be good after the last few weeks we’ve had, right?”

“Totally,” Ino agrees, still scrolling. “Ooh, how about this? It looks cute!”

The others read the description of a romance flick. “Eh, sure,” Sakura agrees, flopping on the couch beside her girlfriend. “We can watch some straights fall in love and be ridiculous.” A pause. “...no offense, Hinata.”

The Hyūga just giggles. “I-it’s fine. They are pretty silly…”

Waiting for the food, the trio decide to at least start the movie. With the couch mostly taken, Hinata instead snuggles under a blanket in an armchair, eyes trained on the screen as the title sequence plays. They’re about a scene into it when the doorbell goes off.

“I’ll get it!” Hinata offers, standing and finding the pile of gathered cash on the counter. Counting it out, she checks the peephole first. A guy in a work getup stands outside, looking down the hall. In his hands is a pizza box. Must be their guy.

Undoing the locks, Hinata opens the door, and...pauses as he turns to look at her. 

They both just sort of stare for a moment.

“...Sasuke?”

“Uh...hi,” he replies, a tiny hint of an embarrassed flush in his face.

“I...didn’t know you worked at this place!”

“Just part time, after classes,” he assures her, giving a fleeting hint of a smile. It’s clear he’s not too happy at being recognized.

“Oh, that’s...that’s neat! It’s good to make a little money on the side. You...still have time for all your coursework?”

“Just barely, yeah.”

“Well, um...I’m glad it’s working for you,” she tells him honestly with a small smile. “...um, anyway, here…” She hands over the money, accepting the box. “I think there’s a...seven dollar tip…?”

“Awesome. Thanks.”

“Do you...work much later?”

“Yeah, another hour or so.”

“Oh…”

“Having a night off?”

She nods. “Yeah, um...Ino and Sakura thought we should have a m-movie night!”

“Oh, those two?”

“Yeah, they’re...they’re my roommates.”

“Haven’t driven you insane yet?”

“Uh...n-no. It’s a little, um…” She glances behind herself, not wanting to be overhead. “...awkward sometimes.”

That earns a small laugh. “Yeah, I bet.”

“Well, I...I wish you were done with your shift! You could...watch the movie and eat pizza with us!”

“I won’t lie, kinda sick of pizza after working this job,” Sasuke admits, giving a more genuine smile.

“What? Sick of pizza? That’s like...like...being s-sick of air!”

“I get that a lot, believe me. But uh...thanks for the sentiment. Maybe some other time,” he replies, almost looking a tad disappointed.

“Well, um...maybe let us know some night you h-have off! Maybe we can schedule something. It would be fun, I...haven’t seen you in ages.”

“...maybe I will. But I better run, got more to do…”

“Oh, sorry!”

“It’s all right. Later, Hinata.” Giving her a nod, Sasuke makes his way back out of the corridor, disappearing into the stairwell.

Hinata watches him go, giving a start as Ino calls her name. “C...coming!” Closing the door and making sure it’s locked, she moves to dish up the pizza on a few plates.

“What took you so long?”

“Oh, um...it was Sasuke!”

“Whaaat?” Sakura asks, clearly in disbelief. “No way!”

“Yeah! I told him he could join us i-if he wasn’t busy, but...he’s still working.”

“Oh, Sasuke...tricked me into thinking I was straight for far too long,” Ino sighs whimsically. “He’s too pretty to be a guy.”

“I know, right?” Sakura laughs.

“Oh, Hinata!”

“W-what?”

“We should set you up with Sasuke!”

“What?!”

The other two burst into laughter. “It’d be cute!”

“But...but I…?”

“Nope, I’ve made up my mind,” Ino cackles, pulling out her phone. “This is going to happen.”

“I-Ino, don’t! He’s...I mean I…?”

“Just let her have her fun,” Sakura advises, grinning from her perch on the couch. “She won’t be at peace until she tries.”

Hinata just...wilts with a hint of a sigh, curling back under her blanket with her pizza. That was not what she meant when she suggested Sasuke join them…

...but maybe he’ll still come to that, at least. They can just all hang out. Ino, and Sakura, and...Sasuke and Hinata.

...two third wheels and a lesbian couple. Totally not weird, right? They can have Chinese food. Since pizza, apparently, will be out of the question.

                                                      .oOo.

     Was a lil spooked by this one...cuz I actually had pizza for dinner tonight, haha xD      Anyway, just a little sort of slice of life with a few nerds. I actually really like InoSaku...I dunno why I don't write it more often! Poor Hinata, a constant third wheel. But maybe Ino's scheming will land her a date ;3      Buuut yeah, that's all from me for now. I'm a sleepy bean, haha - thanks for reading~

[lokisgame]

Lovers, Backwards

[part 1 “Waiting On A Friend”]

tagging @alienbaby-babymama who asked what’s next.

"You'll get the next one," Mulder said paying the bill and there was an undercurrent of hopefulness in his tone that disarmed and silenced all protests.

The wine they had combined with high heels from the fashionable side of her coset, made Scully sway a little but Mulder's arm was there, as always, ready to catch. She leaned gently into his side, accepting his touch, inviting it even, feeling as if she was on a vacation somehow, so relaxed.

They left the restaurant, out into the warm, D.C. night. A sweet scented breeze tugged at her hair, cooling her cheeks.

"Let's walk a little," she suggested, as he led her back to the car.

"Where to?"

Mulder never suspected that his kryptonite would be Scully, letting go of all plans.

They fell into step, a leisurely stroll down the sidewalk. Her heels clicking in time with his shoes, warm hand around his arm, and for the first time that night, he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with talk.

"Mulder?"

"Yes?"

"When we met Gibson, why didn't you want him to tell, that it was me thinking about you?"

"It was you?" He faked surprise and she leaned on his arm as if bumping shoulders, "I was testing the kid, how precise his gift was."

"So it wasn't because you didn't want Diana to know?"

"Oh I told her alright."

"Told her what?"

He shook her hand off only to put his arm around her, drawing her into his side. "That I did alright without her." Scully put her arm around his waist, "an understatement of the century, if I might add."

She looked up and he looked down, smiling at each other without breaking their stride.

They reached an intersection and noticed a tall shrubbery separating a small square of trees from the noise of the street. The gate stood open, inviting.

The paths were white gravel, solar lamps hidden between the trees filled the place with intimate lighting, yet still bright enough to make a woman feel safe after dark. The hour was late, there was no one in sight. The scent was more potent here, sweet and heavy, intoxicating.

Mulder smiled, plucking a cluster of yellow flowers from a low hanging branch and handing it to her, "basswood trees."

Scully smelled them and it was the fragrance that hung in the air.

"Beautiful," she said, playing with the flower as they kept walking, "you know, it's a common herbal remedy for cold?"

"If you say so, doc," he chuckled and before he knew what he was doing, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. She hugged him back.

How easy it was to hold her, how natural. This woman, his friend, his partner, there wasn't a thing he couldn't tell her, be it work, trouble, random idea that popped into his head. He had no secrets from her, he wanted to share it all, until they grew old together.

He thought of the people back in the bar earlier, she could leave with any man there if she wanted to, no one could resist her, but here she was, with him, smelling the literal and proverbial flowers.

They were passing through an alley lined with wild roses when Scully spoke again.

"When I saw you with Diana," she sounded pensive, absently playing with the flowers she carried, some dark thought intruding on their pleasant walk, "I realized you had a life before we met."

"We both had," he amended as she plucked a rose and smelled it as well, he waited.

"It seemed, as if all it took was a day or two for a familiar pattern to settle back."

"Scully," he hugged her closer, hoping to chase the gathering clouds away.

"I know you two were together."

"It's ancient history, Scully."

"How long were you together?" She asked to his dismay. He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't want to lie to her either. He drew her closer, hoping his touch could take the edge off.

"Six years," he whispered and she stopped abruptly.

"Six years?" ready for her horrified tone, he gathered her back under his arm, smiling gently.

"People change, move on, meet new people." They walked on.

"Why did you never mention her before?" Head hung low, she played with the flowers, her arm not around him anymore.

"She left me, Scully, it's not something you bring up in casual conversation, and as I said, we never really talked about our past."

The path bent gently to the right, going in a wide circle around the park. Overgrown jasmine shrubs rained white petals from 8 feet high.

"You know about Phoebe and I know about Jack Willis, but you can't honestly tell me he was the only guy you were with, ever" he plucked a handful of flowers and offered them to her, "am I right?" She nodded.

"I'm still me," he spoke gently, trying to bring her back to here and now, "Diana changes nothing between us."

Looking up, Scully saw his silent plea, for trust, for understanding, for a chance. She took the flowers, and put her arm back around his waist. They kept walking in silence.

"We do everything backwards." Scully said a few long minutes later, Mulder let out a silent, relieved sigh.

"How so?"

She gestured with the flowers in hand "Usually it's flowers first, then dinner, then drinks."

He laughed, kissing her temple. "Next time, Scully," he promised, "next time."

When Mulder drove her home it was almost midnight.

Usually, when they came back from a business trip, he parked outside her building, they both got out, he helped her with her bag. They said their goodnight-s or see you around-s and he drove away, it was a time honored ritual. Tonight he got out to get the door for her, but he wasn't fast enough.

“Mulder," Scully laughed as he fell into step next to her, "I know my way home.”

“I know,” he replied smiling, one hand on her lower back.

She went the three steps up to the front door and felt his hand vanish abruptly. He stayed on the sidewalk, their eyes met, one level once she turned around.

“There are rules” he quipped, “on a first date, this is where we say goodnight.”

“Rules?” She teased back, going one step down, “you never follow rules, Mulder.”

"I could try.”

“And now seems like a good time?” He looked away, hands in his pockets, awkward smile.

“Scully, I”

“What?” Sheepish Mulder was a rare sight.

“If I go even one step farther, there won’t be going back.”  

One finger under his chin, she brought his gaze back on her. “We were good for five years.”

“This is different,” he insisted.

Mulder arguing for caution was surely something else, and as nature abhorred vacuum, she filled it with confidence.

“It is,” she agreed taking his face in her hands, “we can break a rule, or three.”

Pressing her lips to his, wet and soft and greedy, she kissed him like she owned him.

Slow and gentle? Fuck that! Mulder grinned and met her tongue, pulled her in skipping all the stops, tasting wine and chocolate and her mouth. Crashing and clashing and stroking, tongues and hands. She somehow caught him on exhale and he grasped for air.

"Scully, wait," he gasped, but she was back, catching his lower lip, noses bumping, arms around his neck.

He went all in, if he could die like this, he wouldn't mind in the slightest. The kiss of death, the kiss of life, all rolled into one. He grabbed her ass and suddenly she stopped. Whops.

"Sorry," he rushed, hand back to her hip at once. Scully chuckled, eyes closed, forehead to forehead, they were panting.

"How are we so good at this?" There was laughter in her tone, surprise and delight, "I'm wet and you're hard."

"It's the first date," he drew her closer, almost grinding against her thigh. Almost, but not quite, "it's the"

"Shut up," and she shut him up. This time she didn't flinch when he grabbed her. She held him tight, fingers in his hair, tongue in his mouth, shifting slightly, the friction drove him mad.

Mulder broke the kiss this time, glanced at her lips, red, swollen and stretched in a smile. "Okay, this is insane."

"Why?" she bumped his nose with the tip of hers.

"I don't put out on the first date." He chuckled and kissed her again, teeth clashing. She took a step back almost breaking the kiss, and he was doomed, he followed, one step up the stairs.

"Mulder," another step back, another step forward, the angle changed, the kisses wouldn't stop.

"What?" A kiss.

"When was," he kissed, "the last time" she kissed, "you went," they kissed, "on a date?"

"Don't ask."

Mirth in his tone and kiss the shape of a smile, and a step back, and a step forward, like a dance. Only the music stopped, both back on even ground, they broke apart. Her arms slipped down, embrace loosened and the night seemed four degrees cooler somehow.

"First date." She reminded, drawing a gentle line and Mulder reluctantly took a step back.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" What a stupid line, sure he could and would call her.

Scully glanced at her watch, "in 20 minutes?" He grinned, then nodded. "Sure, why not."

He leaned down, kissing her cheek this time, soft and gentle, as only he knew how.

"Goodnight" he whispered and she missed him already.

She went inside, looking over her shoulder a few times, until he was out of sight.

Mulder couldn't stop grinning, rooted to the spot. He was hard, crazy and in love, or was it all backwards.

He took a step just as the doors behind him flew open wide. She grabbed his hand and dragged him inside. He didn't fight, he was a complete and utter flower child.

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Even numbers. Fuck you 💙

:’) 🖕💙

Under the cut… oh my god… lord give me strength… if any of y’all wanna get to know me… read this monster X’D

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I think a bit of both?? I’m the type of person who’d willingly get lost in a strange city but also suddenly develop a stutter when I try to communicate with my fellow humans. :)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

lmao no.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind ones. Who can tolerate me.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

An ex friend/abuser atm. :))))

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

What qualifies as deep?? I guess, my Dad?? Maybe??

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Dodie Clark - Monster

Easy Life - Pockets

Lorde - Buzzcut Season

Zack Hemsey - The Way

Fits and the Tantrums - Roll Up

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah, I think so?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I kissed my Mum on the top of her head. So, yes. XD

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

That would be Jesse. So, yes. Hope he doesn’t find this blog yikes. X’D

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Yes on one side. No on the other side.

22. Where would you like to travel?

America firstly. Then all over the place to visit other friends. I promised my Mum I’d take her to San Francisco one day, so I gotta keep that promise.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

PETS :DDDDD

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Try my best not to murder anyone while I get my cup of tea liquid life ready. XD Say hi to doggos and beep babies. Check to see if any of my friends need me urgently. Then eat toast.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My pets. My parents. My friends.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I really don’t mind getting married or living in sin. XD It would depend entirely on what my partner wanted, I’d do whatever would make them happy.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

No one. Guess you could say I’m demisexual.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Does horseback riding count?? I’ve dabbled in a bit of cricket. But my lungs don’t like intensive exercising, especially cardio stuff.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Story of my life, every single time. I’ve never told anyone I liked them. I’d rather die than make them feel bad or uncomfortable bc I know they don’t feel the same way.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

At the moment all I can think of is my crush lmao. :’)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Absolutely nothing bc I’m a dropout. XD Be a completely self-taught author, hopefully.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Online, I’m probably just really tired and don’t have the energy to be upbeat and/or talk to people. In real life, it’s nothing abnormal; I hate my voice so I don’t talk much and I like quiet. If I’m not using a bunch of emojis (you know how I normally do) when I’m talking, you know I’m either being super serious, or I’m pissed off, or both.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

NEITHER YIKES I LIKE MY SOLID EARTH THANK U VERY MUCH

46. What are you paranoid about?

Being annoying.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nope. Not really planning on it, either. I’m kind of curious as to how I’d be, though. Like I have deep-rooted buried anger issues so I might be angry, but I’m also depressed so I might be a puddle of tears and sadness, BUT my personality is v energetic and happy so… who knows, dude. X’D

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Blue and grey. It has “yo” on the hood. :D

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Biologically male. please.

54. Favourite store?

?? don’t have one. 

56. Favourite colour?

Navy or a kind of dark aqua-navy kind of colour, like a bit of a green tinge as well? I’m also really fond of yellow too.

58. Last thing you ate?

LEFTOVER HAMBURGER AND IT WAS DELICIOUS I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED HAMBURGERS!!!!!!1!!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Yeah, dog training competition with our German Shepherd when I was 11.

62. Been arrested? For what?

No yet lmao.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

I’ll be sure to tell you about it when it happens. XD

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t have any irl friends so… HELL YEAH!!

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr. Obviously.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

I could literally just list all my Tumblr friends here. I’ve learnt not to get specifically close to any one or two persons. So… all my beans!!! Love you!!

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue! :D I was forced to use the pink towels in the set when I was little and not out as trans so now I surround myself in all the gendered blue bullshit X’D

74. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

….. maaayyyybbbeee.

76. Favourite animal?

D O G

78:Chocolate or Vanilla?

Neither.

80. What colour shirt are you wearing?

It’s my very yellow button down!! :D

82. Favourite tv show?

S E N S E 8

84. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Never seen either oops.

86. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

88. First person you talked to today?

Enna aka Cinnamonpuff aka steverogershield

90. Name a person you hate?

My brother, Mackenzie. :)

92. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Anyone who mistreats animals.

94.How many sweatpants do you have?

I rarely wear anything but sweatpants, so I have 8. THEY’RE COMFY OKAY. And since it’s usually cold or hot here with no real warm in between, I’m either wearing shorts or sweatpants. It’s only in the rare in-between weather (like now) that I wear my jeans.

96. Last movie you watched?

Can’t remember. I watched the first season of Jessica Jones tho, so… show instead of movie. XD

98.Favourite actor?

TERRY CREWS

100. Have any pets?

YES!!! 3 dogs (one German Shepherd named Ria, a Whippet named Granger, and a mutt named Maude), 3 chickens (Haymitch the black one, Cinna the dark brown one, Effie the pale brown one) and 2 ducks (Peeta and Katniss.) THEY’RE MY BABIES AND I’D DIE FOR THEM!!! :’D

102. Do you type fast?

LMAO APPARENTLY I DO??? My Dad thinks I must type gibberish and makes me type out what he says because he doesn’t think I can type that fast. I only type with 2 fingers normally too. X’D

104. Can you spell well?

w e l l (idk. maybe.)

106. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yup.

108. Have you ever been on a horse? 

Many times. I LOVE them SO MUCH.

110. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah.

112. Do you have trust issues?

No. *insert canned audience laughter here* Yes, I do. Big time. Just bc I’m friendly doesn’t mean I trust anyone.

114. What was your childhood nickname?

Matt, actually!! :D

116. Do you play the Wii?

Used to, now I don’t have one anymore and it wasn’t my favourite console.

118.Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Y E S. GIMME!!!!!! :D

120.Favourite book?

Bird by Crystal Chan.

122.Are you mean?

I think I definitely can be very cutting when I lose my temper. But I haven’t done that in years now and I try very hard to be a good person. Luckily my first reaction is normally hurt, so by the time the anger kicks in I normally try and get out of the situation before I can say something harsh.

124.Can you keep white shoes clean?

NOPE. I can never keep anything clean, probably why I like dark colours so much. I literally do not own any white clothes anymore because they always get stained within a few hours of me wearing them asdfghjkl. 😅

126.Do you believe in true love?

Kind of. I believe that no relationship is ever perfect, but if people gel well and COMMUNICATE OFTEN AND HONESTLY the relationship can be amazing. I guess it’s its own kind of perfect relationship. I definitely think there’s people you get along brilliantly with, better than anyone else. There’s somebody in the world for everyone! :D

128.What makes you happy?

Animals. My friends. My OCs. :’)

130.What your zodiac sign?

Pisces!! I definitely think I’ve grown into it over time. X’D

132. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

??? depends on whether I like them back or not, obviously. If I do, I’ll probably scream for a solid week and then decide if I want to drag them into my mountain of bullshit with a relationship, or leave it be. If I don’t, let them down as gently as I can. Also I’m a raging bi, so gender wouldn’t matter. :P

134.Favourite lyrics right now?

My all-time favourite lyrics are from The Judge by Twenty one Pilots:

“When the leader of the bad guys sangSomething soft and soaked in painI heard the echo from his secret hideawayHe must’ve forgot to close his doorAs he cranked out those dismal chordsAnd his four walls declared him insane”

136.Dumbest lie you ever told?

“Did you let Haymitch jump on your back again?”

“Uh… noooo.”

“Then why do you have massive scratches in the clear shape of chicken feet on your back?”

“UHHHHHH-”

i”M A HUFFLEPUFF OKAY I’M NOT GOOD AT LYING X’D

128.How tall are you?

I’m not.

140.Brunette or Blonde?

Like, people I’m attracted to, or for me? I honestly don’t care attraction wise. For me, I guess brunette bc I think I look really weird with pale hair lmao.

142.Night or Day?

NIGHT. Dear god, night.

144.Are you a vegetarian?

NOPE. Honestly think I’d go insane if I didn’t eat meat. XD I mean, I would if I had to, but I’d really prefer not to.

146.Tea or Coffee?

TEA. I hate coffee, I’ll leave that to other people. XD

148.Mars or Snickers?

SNICKERS. Mars are good but… Snickers!!!!

150. Do you believe in ghosts?

Hell fucking yes you bet I do pal!!!!!!

[gayneral]

All those flowers, my dude

First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)

Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June

Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:

Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama

Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”

Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water

I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment

Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.

We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.

Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too

Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.

Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing

California Poppy: Height?  I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff

Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March

Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far

I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)

Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.

I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.

If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.

Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order

1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,

2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.

3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me

4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this

5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music

6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light

7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.

8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again

9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.

10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one

Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A  big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”

And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had  any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.

Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.

Onions: Tell about your dad.  I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.

My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.

When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.

In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.

My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could

When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.

I miss my grandmother

Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy

Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”

But I’m not sure, not really

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/

I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it

Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family

Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often

(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)

Generally happy, not having to worry too much

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.

[nolipelekai]

Two Ghosts | Korli

Who: @nolipelekai & @gothel2thekor

When: Saturday, May 19th

Where: The Charming Dance Hall

What: Noli finds out exactly who was behind the prom stink bombs, and confronts her best friend. 

Noli gulped in some fresh air. Her nose was burning, her eyes were watering...That stupid freaking stink bomb! It ruined her night -- the prom she worked so hard on, was so excited for, got the perfect dress for...And it was ruined. She liked to think her mascara was running because of the stink bomb, but she knew those had to be mixed with real tears, too. Leaving the dance hall, Noli felt her face crumble into a sob for just a split second, before spotting Kori out of the corner of her eye. She wanted to run to her best friend and hug them and cry on their shoulder, but then she noticed that they were with Bronte. And the two were giggling together like...co-conspirators of some sort. And then everything clicked. Duh! Kori was the Stink Bomb King. This was their doing. Noli watched as Bronte ran off in the opposite direction and her sadness was replaced with rage. She accosted her "best friend", heels stomping loudly on the ground to announce her entrance. "You and that bitch set off the stink bomb, I know it was you!" she shouted, unable to keep the tears from flowing.

Kori blinked blankly at Noli, her smile from talking to Bronte still on her face. They didn't really get what Noli so pissed about. Their bombs had all gone off perfectly thanks to their expertise with explosives and Bronte's perfect placement and timing. As far as Kori was concerned the stunt had been a success, taking the lamest event of the year and turning it into something ACTUALLY memorable. "You mean Bronte? Of course we did. Was it not sort of obvious? What are you so upset about? The prank was cool! Did you see everyone's faces?"

Noli stood akimbo and huffed out a breath as soon as she got to Kori. They were being so nonchalant about this, couldn't they see she was angry? And crying? "Cool?!" she repeated, scoffing. "'Cool' is setting off a stink bomb during a final that you know no one studied for. 'Cool' is planting one in your least favorite teacher's desk -- not using your kindergarten-level 'skill' to ruin a night that everyone was so looking forward to! I worked so hard and wanted this night to be perfect, and you cared more about getting a dumb reaction out of everyone!"

Kori narrowed their eyes when Noli referred to their bomb making as a "kindergarten-level skill". As if a kindergartner could come even close to what they had pulled off with Bronte. "It's just prom, Nol. It's just some overhyped and overpriced excuse for people to drink and hook up in dumb dresses. What's there to even care about? It's not like you need a PhD to hang sparkly crap up. Thanks to me and Bronte people are going to be talking about this dance for years."

Noli felt her eyes go as wide as saucers. "Just prom?!" she repeated. "I care because this is supposed to be a night where everyone celebrates the year -- all the friends, the memories, the stuff that meant something to them! We're all supposed to get together and have fun." She grit her teeth, biting back more tears when she put all of this into perspective. "You and Bronte -- " The words stung. "No wonder you didn't give a crap about tonight. We have nothing to celebrate or look back on this year -- all we've been doing was grow apart. You have Bronte, Tristan and Dallas have each other..." Noli bit her lip to keep from saying the ex-boyfriend's name who left both her and Kori months ago, but she knew her silence implied it. "...And I thought I had prom. But apparently not, and I apparently don't even have a best friend to cry to because my best friend is the reason I'm crying!"

Kori probably would've rolled their eyes at Noli's definition of what prom was supposed to be about if it had been anyone else. Or if it had been Noli sans tears. But then Noli accused their friendgroup of growing apart. "No we haven't! Dallas and Tristan have always been their weird little thing and it's not like I thought you of all people would hate this prank. You wouldn't even be this pissed if you weren't so determined to hate Bronte all the time!"

Noli scoffed at the idea that she was only hating this because of Bronte, as if this entire evacuation hadn't put her in tears from the moment it happened. "First of all, she hates me. And she's been determined to steal people from people since she got here! First Tristan, and now you -- and it's looking like this time, she's gonna get exactly what she wants because you're letting her. You didn't even tell me about this, you guys just planned this behind my back! Who does that to their best friend?"

Kori crossed their arms at Noli's defense. "It's not you've been exactly nice to her either." Kori pointed out, even though in reality Kori had no idea where the animosity originally came from or even who the primary antagonist was, but Bronte wasn't the one they were arguing with right then. "She's not stealing anyone, what are you even talking about? She got matched with Tris and they're friends! And last I checked neither of us are property that can be stolen anyway, it's not against the law for people to have friends outside of their established group! You sound insane. I didn't tell anyone about this because that's blabbing to literally everyone about a prank is exactly how they end up failing, so we didn't tell anyone else."

Noli rolled her eyes. "I'm not mad that you have friends who aren't us, I'm mad that you're doing things like ruining the best night of my life without even telling me about it! We don't talk anymore, we barely hang out, and I don't know if I'd want to be friends with someone who doesn't even think about me before pulling a crazy stunt like this." She was bluffing, mostly, but there was a part of it rooted in truth. She worked so hard on this dance, and was so proud with how it turned out, and for Kori to not even care that they messed it all up? It hurt.

Kori rolled their eyes right back. "You're not even a senior, relax. Also if you wanted to hang out or talk to me more, you have a mouth, feet and a cellphone! It's not my fault. I did think about you before I pulled this stunt and I thought you'd like it! Maybe I don't know if I want to be friends with someone who can't appreciate a good joke when she sees it." Kori shot back as they genuinely tried to think back and see if their was any truth to Noli's belief that their friendship was being neglected.

Noli felt her bottom lip quiver. No, she wasn't going to cry about this -- not in front of Kori. She didn't want them to know that this felt like she was losing so much more than just one best friend. She felt like she was losing her social circle, her sense of self...Maybe this was just one of those weird transitional periods in her life where she was outgrowing things and...people. Noli crossed her arms across her chest and tried (but ultimately failed) to keep her lip from shaking and threatening more tears. "You're right -- we're not seniors yet, but I don't want to go into senior year with a best friend who's this immature. Go have fun with Bronte, playing mean pranks and hating the whole world and blah blah blah. I'll be busy actually growing up."

Kori 's jaw actually dropped when Noli said they were right. They'd had a similar play fight when the prom theme was being announced but Kori would never have guessed in a million years that the very same prom would cause an actual friend break up. A few tears started to well up in Kori's eyes and they wiped them out of the way with a hard swipe across their eyes and glared at Noli. "Okay fine then. You have fun growing up alone and I'll have fun with my friends."

Noli grit her teeth, her chest heaving as she tried to suppress the flood of tears that she knew was being dammed up inside of her. "I will!" she nodded, trying not only to convince Kori, but herself as well, that she was going to be just fine after this. Noli finally decided that she couldn't look at her friend-- her ex friend any longer, and turned on her heels. She stomped away, finally allowing herself to cry the ugly, heaving sob that had been building up inside of her since the prom first got evacuated. Well now prom had been ruined, and she was best friendless...What a way to close out junior year.

[ezra-blue]

You’ve Got Something - 36

For @baronvonriktenstein‘s Messy!AU

36: No Idea

Sanzo learns and must decide how to apply a very important lesson.

Happy Birthday to Goku! ... This chapter does not focus on him, but he does play an important role. Enjoy!

Word Count: ~3700

Warning: This chapter includes an explicit mention of sexual activity, as well as acts that may be considered child abuse. 

36: No Idea

Something felt off. Sanzo couldn't place what it was, but stepping out of the bakery that evening under an overcast sky, walking towards his car, lighting up his first smoke of the night, it all felt wrong. He had this constant, nagging, itchy sensation that he'd missed something, like some small cog had come loose in the clockwork framing of the universe and now the whole thing was ticking wrong. He knew he'd done everything he was supposed to, what could possibly be wrong?

He tried to mull it over as he walked the block towards where he'd parked today, tried to think of some task forgotten, some habit skipped, some favor he'd promised Koumyou (or that Koumyou had forced him to agree to, one or the other), but nothing came to mind. Perhaps it was the slight sense of wrongness he'd been feeling off of Hakkai, but he hadn't talked to Hakkai today. Perhaps that was it. He paused and took his cell out (ignoring the messages of happy emoticons he'd gotten from Goku) and went to text Hakkai the evening numbers, but just as he pulled up the POS system, he got a text message from an unfamiliar number -- no text, just an attachment. It was morbid curiosity that convinced him to check this message first.

His phone displayed a photograph of Hakkai, on his knees on his sofa, wrists bound with a belt, naked, skin flushed red, and with obvious handprints on his bare backside and thighs and a stream of ejaculate running down his back. Sanzo choked on his smoke. "Son of a bitch!" He dialed the number, and the other end picked up on the first ring. "What the fuck, Gojyo, that's not fucking--"

"Oh, has Gojyo shared his treasure with you before?" All of Sanzo's heat and bluster was smothered in an instant, as Nii answered instead. "It's a shame for you, then, since I'm fairly certain Hakkai won't be sharing any of that ever again."

Sanzo's cigarette fell from his mouth, and he superheated from cold shock to his temper boiling over. “You son of a bastard, what did you do?!”

“I decided to close up my unfinished business with my ex.” Sanzo's shoulders tensed, the bones in his back and spine all tensing up. How could Nii sound so fucking nonchalant?! The very thought of Hakkai going back to Nii was pure insanity!

“What the fuck does that mean?!”

“I wasn't done with him. Now, I am.” Nii chuckled, as if any of this were funny. “One last lesson in muichimotsu.”

Sanzo's insides roiled with rage, but he tempered his fury enough to growl, “You're a bastard,” rather than screaming it. “I have no idea how you convinced Hakkai to sleep with you again, but what the fuck are you talking about, muichimotsu? You're terrible at letting go. You obviously nursed your stupid grudge long enough to come back and fuck with him one more time, who the fuck are you to talk about holding nothing?”

“Ah, I don't need lectures from you, little Kouryuu.” Nii sounded as bored with him as one might listening to a discussion of one's own fingernails. “After all, I'm not the one wasting my time thinking about things like committing.” Sanzo felt like his collar had been jerked, hard. “Thinking about your future, Kouryuu? Thinking about setting down roots here and setting up to coast?” Nii laughed through his nose, and Christ, Sanzo could just picture him sneering into his collar. He stomped hard, imagining Nii's smirking mug was underfoot.

“How the fuck do you know what I'm thinking?” His voice was hardly a hiss, and he hoped others walking nearby couldn't hear him.

“What does it matter? You haven't learned yet, baby brother, nothing turns out the way you think it will. I tried to teach you, in a much gentler way than I'd been taught, little Kouryuu. Nothing works the way you think, and oh, how quickly things change.”

Sanzo ground his teeth together at the sound of his name, because he still remembered, still loathed every time Nii said it...

“Kouryuu, here.” Kouryuu had followed Ken'yuu into the kitchen, toddling knee-high to his nearly-grown big brother. Ken'yuu whistled and beckoned Kouryuu as he opened the refrigerator, and Kouryuu scampered over to join him, pointed at the bottle of soda.

“Wan' that. Can I have it?”

“Dad'll be mad if I give you that, don't fuss.” Ken'yuu winked and stuck his tongue out at Kouryuu as he whined, then rummaged through the refrigerator. “But he said to give you a snack. You wanna snack, little Kouryuu?”

“Mhm.” Kouryuu nodded, his yellow hair bobbing, and Ken'yuu found a white box. Kouryuu's heart leapt. Papa's peach buns! “Gimme!”

“So impatient.” Ken'yuu chuckled, but opened the box and picked one out. “These are special, okay? Don't tell Dad. Say 'ahh.'” Kouryuu opened his mouth wide, and Ken'yuu put something on his tongue. Kouryuu bit down and chewed, but something was immediately wrong. It wasn't the chewy, tasty mochi dough, there was no cloyingly sweet peach-paste middle. Instead, there was a crunch, waxy and crisp skin, and then, his mouth burned.

“Ahh!” Kouryuu cried out and spat out something bright red and green, but his mouth and tongue were still on fire. Ken'yuu had half of a peach bun in his hand and laughed as Kouryuu screamed and wailed at the heat on his tongue.

“I never said you were going to have it. Dad likes you to have vegetables, right? That's one of Papa's jalapeno peppers. Can you say 'jalapeno,' little Kouryuu?” Kouryuu couldn't answer, too preoccupied screaming...

Every time Ken'yuu had said his name.

Koumyou invited Ken'yuu along to help with shopping for Kouryuu's first grade uniform, though likely it was to help keep an eye on Kouryuu for when Koumyou inevitably met someone he knew and got absorbed into an unavoidable catch-up conversation. Ken'yuu and Kouryuu had been waiting outside of the shoe store next to one of the pillars for nearly twenty minutes while Koumyou chatted with some women he knew, Kouryuu dutifully holding the bags, and Ken'yuu flipping through a pocket-sized book. Out of nowhere, Ken'yuu slapped his own forehead, making Kouryuu jump.

“Kouryuu!” Ken'yuu spun around and bent over, still hovering over Kouryuu and close to his face. “Kouryuu, I just realized, I left my chocolate in the book store! I bought a bar of chocolate, and I was going to share it with you, but I left the bar in the shop.”

Kouryuu felt a sting of suspicion, but he bit his lip. He did love chocolate, but... “What kind?”

“The one right by the cash register, with the almonds.” Ken'yuu quickly grabbed the bags, then motioned for Kouryuu to go. “I'll hold the bags and stay here, can you run over and get it for me?”

Kouryuu nodded and hurriedly toddled off. The book store wasn't far, Dad probably wouldn't miss him, and, of course, chocolate was delicious. He shuffled right to the cash register past all of the books, took the chocolate bar and held it up for the cashier in her green apron to see, and said, “My brother forgot this.” Then, he turned around and walked back out.

The cashier shouted after him, “Hey, wait!” Kouryuu hadn't wanted anything else, so he returned to Ken'yuu, but the woman kept shouting. Kouryuu ignored her, returning to Ken'yuu just as Koumyou came out of the shoe store, further bags in hand.

“I'm sorry that took so long!” Koumyou smiled and fluffed Kouryuu's hair. “I hope you boys didn't get bored without me?”

“No, of course not.” Ken'yuu's nose was back in his book, and Kouryuu was about to offer him the chocolate, when he heard footsteps running towards them, and all three turned and saw a security guard approaching with the woman from the book store.

“That's him.” She pointed directly at Kouryuu. “He said something, then walked off with a five-dollar chocolate bar.”

Koumyou gasped, and crouched down. “Kouryuu, did you?” Kouryuu, with the chocolate bar still in hand, held it out, and was about to turn to Ken'yuu to tell him to explain, but Ken'yuu merely clicked his tongue.

“Ghirardelli, Kouryuu? You've got good taste for a kid with empty pockets.”

Kouryuu's jaw fell, and Koumyou took the chocolate bar back from him and gave it to the woman.

“I'm terribly sorry, sir, he's only six, I thought he understood that one needs to exchange money for goods and services,” Koumyou began to explain, all while patronizingly patting Kouryuu's head, and Kouryuu seethed with embarrassment.

It was worse every time.

Kouryuu knew he was being obvious, but he couldn't help it. He didn't have a lot of friends, so when another boy in class who wasn't sullen, withdrawn Hakkai or his intensely sweet sister took interest in him as a friend, he found himself silently mooning over him. Even quiet afternoons studying were spent with his heart pounding in his chest, his heels bouncing under the table. His friend hadn't seemed to notice.

Ken'yuu had.

“Oh, Kouryuu.” Ken'yuu stuck his head in the kitchen, and Kouryuu arched his back as Ken'yuu wagged an eyebrow at him and his school companion. “Studying? Mind if I join in?”

Kouryuu could only watch helplessly as Ken'yuu seated himself next to his school friend, as Ken'yuu smirked and winked and charmed him, and in what felt like an instant, his only friend was under his brother's spell. Sometimes Kouryuu wondered if Ken'yuu only saw him as a way to lure in guileless teenagers, as bait for a predator, or if he only enjoyed flirting Kouryuu's friends away from him so that they would never talk to him again.

Either way, Ken'yuu had soon distracted his friend into coming with him to get ice cream, and Kouryuu was left alone, and the next he spoke to his friend, he couldn't look Kouryuu in the eye. Now, he was just another faceless, nameless memory that Ken'yuu had tainted into shadow.

He couldn't even look at him without rage boiling through his lungs.

“Out here alone, little Kouryuu?” Kouryuu stewed when the sliding door opened and Ken'yuu emerged, grinning down at him where he crouched down against the wall. Kouryuu quickly smashed the cigarette he'd filched out of Toudai's jacket, but Ken'yuu smirked in such a way that Kouryuu knew he had seen. Kouryuu just scoffed, his lip curling, in a practiced expression that he'd picked up after sixteen years of exasperation, frustration, and annoyance at his older brother. Tonight, though, he had worse things swirling through his mind. Ken'yuu squatted down next to him, hunched over like a particularly devious frog examining a pond, and Kouryuu sniffed and pulled his knees tight to his chest. “Dad says you got a day's suspension for fighting. Lemme guess – the 'two dads' thing?”

“Like you care.”

“Of course I care, little Kouryuu; you're my only little brother, after all.”

“As if,” Kouryuu muttered, and Ken'yuu flicked his shoulder.

“Louder; I'm an old man, remember?” He chuckled half-heartedly and jostled Kouryuu's shoulder, shaking him around roughly. “Mumbling is rude.”

“Whatever.” Kouryuu rolled his eyes and tried to pull his knees in tighter. Ken'yuu merely slung an unwelcome arm around his shoulders. It felt so heavy, too heavy, like one more anchor of gravity against him.

“Kouryuu, I've been there. The 'adopted' thing, the fact that we have two fathers, it makes us stand out, and in high school, where you're expected to conform, the nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered down.” Ken'yuu kept his arm around Kouryuu as he took out a cigarette and flipped it to his mouth, then lit it up. “And of course, kids are dumb, and they just keep hammering and hammering at'cha, 'til even they're sure you're flat. The good news is.” Ken'yuu paused to drag on his cigarette, leaving Kouryuu hanging like so much drifting smoke. He blew a smoke ring to loop around the pair of them, and finished, “Eventually, they start ignoring you, if you ignore them long enough.”

“Mm.” Sometimes, it was easy to forget Ken'yuu had been raised by the same parents as him. He hadn't been with them when he was little, but they'd done what they could for him. “I guess you're right.”

“Besides, they're not wrong.”

Kouryuu felt a cold, sick sensation in the pit of his gut, one that was too terribly familiar by now. He tried to move a hand to plug his ears, but Ken'yuu wasn't letting him move his arm. “You know why they kick you around. Because you are strange. You are weird. Being adopted isn't normal. You can't imagine how many times I heard 'your parents didn't love you.' They didn't, of course. Why else would they have gotten rid of you the way they did?” Ken'yuu chuckled again, and the icy feeling in Kouryuu's stomach prickled, his intestines freezing solid and dying. “Perhaps that's more me than you. I actually got in touch with the people who threw me out. Once. Yours is dead, isn't she? No idea who one half of the equation is, but didn’t Koumyou tell you about your mother?” Ken'yuu clicked his tongue a few times, and Kouryuu squeezed his eyes shut. “So, you are strange. Other people won't accept you. You could just accept that nobody outside of this house is going to accept you as you are and let it go, but you're going to have to be reminded of it every day, every time you walk out those front doors, that someone's going to be cruel to you. Just forget about them. There's no point in trying to get attached to people like that. You might as well get used to being alone.” Ken'yuu slyly tipped his eyes back into the house, and Kouryuu shivered. “After all, someday, you will be.” He patted Kouryuu's shoulder hard, in a failed facsimile of brotherly affection. It just made Kouryuu shake.

Then, abruptly, Ken'yuu hopped up and called into the house, “Toudai, I'm out of smokes, can you spot me one?” Kouryuu covered his ears as he faintly heard Toudai saying his pack was in his jacket, Koumyou starting to scold him, and Toudai discovering that his pack was gone, but God, all he wanted was quiet, quiet, not to hear it anymore, even as all three of them started to shout his name...

“Oh, Kouryuu.” Nii sighed wistfully, clicking his tongue down the line, and Sanzo clenched his fist tight, tense down his hunched spine all the way to his heels rooted on the concrete. “Didn't you learn? I was only trying to teach you what you needed to know.”

“That the world is a miserable place and life is terrible? Fucking hell, it was because you wanted it to be that way and made it that way! You're all twisted up over stupid shit like your fucking parents leaving you and foster care and shit, you didn't let go of that! Fuck you, you're just a bitter sociopath who likes fucking with people, the world is terrible because you make it that way!”

Nii didn't respond for a moment, and Sanzo heaved, his breathing so loud in his ear. The dim sky was darkening as the sun set, though the sky was beginning to clear as black ink crept up past the clouds. Then, Nii snickered. “Is that what you learned? Ah, well. So be it.” Sanzo closed his eyes tight, gripping the phone so hard he couldn't feel his knuckles. “That's my truth. Life is pain, love is worthless, and nothing is worth holding on to. You know as well as anyone how fast love can vanish. How is Toudai, anyway?” Nii paused, and Sanzo braced himself, glaring at the blackening sky on the horizon and letting it mute any reaction he might have wanted to have. “Ah, and how about that boy you're seeing? Goku, isn't it?”

That could not stand. “Stay away from him.”

“Oh, I make no promises.” Nii chuckled again, and Sanzo seethed, grinding his heels down. “But really now, Kouryuu, if things are as you want to think they are, what do you have to be afraid of?”

“Sanzo?”

That voice wasn't on the phone. Sanzo pivoted around and found Goku on the sidewalk behind him, oil still smudging his cheek and his backpack in hand. Sanzo heard the other end of the line hang up and dropped his arm, then stared warily at Goku. Goku gawked at him – he could tell he was pale, his face felt like it had been dunked in ice water – but Sanzo tried to shake it off and approach him.

“What are you doing here?” He studied Goku's face as Goku, frowning, seemed to be doing the same in return.

“Um. I work that way –” He pointed behind him. “And the bus home is this way.” He pointed down the sidewalk, then grinned. “I'm surprised you're here this late, though. Is something wrong?”

His smile was so innocent, Sanzo almost couldn't stand it right now. “Nii called me. Just to tell me Hakkai went back to him.”

That wiped that smile off. “Wh-what?!” Goku's jaw dropped. “But... he...” His wide eyes were nearly wet, gaze darting to and fro like a bird panicking in a cage. “I thought... he and Gojyo...” Goku motioned vaguely, then threw his hands up. “What about Gojyo?”

“Who knows? Hopefully he has sense enough to kick Hakkai to the curb when he finds out, nobody deserves that.” Sanzo crossed his arms tight, stress tightening his jaw and making him grind his teeth. Goku shook his head with frantic horror.

“No, no way! Gojyo cares about him, a lot! Plus, Nii's a jerk, maybe he's lying.”

“He's not lying.” Even thinking about the proof he'd seen made Sanzo feel a little sick under his anger.

“But...” Goku swallowed. “They're supposed to be together.”

“So what?” Sanzo dug out a cigarette, his fingers trembling through the practiced motions, and he shook his head to himself. The tension was in his knuckles, his knees, everything, and even Goku's presence was starting to erode at what was left of his energy. “Shit changes. Sometimes, something like that just isn't worth holding onto. If Gojyo's smart, he'll let go and get over it.”

Goku bit his lip and let his gaze tip towards the ground. “No. Love changes with you. When you love someone, when you really love 'em, you change with 'em! The only reason you should stop is if they don't change with you, and I know Gojyo, I know he can do it for Hakkai!”

“What the fuck do you even know?” Sanzo hadn't meant for it to come out so harsh, but everything felt too raw. Even when Goku grabbed his chin and forced him to meet his eyes, knocking the cigarette from his mouth, his annoyance snapped straight to apoplexy, even as Goku said it:

“Because I'd do it for you. I love you, Sanzo.”

Oh, fuck, Sanzo couldn't have heard that. Goku's eyes, so bright, so determined, were drilling into him, his lips set in a thin, serious line, confidence in his stance, and Sanzo wanted to melt. He should have known, he should have thought, but he didn't want to hear it. Everything that meant, everything that could have meant, his memories and conflicts swarmed up over him, it can't last, it won't last, it'll vanish, it'll be snatched away from me! And Sanzo locked up, jaw tight, shoulders back, joints tight like they'd been drilled in place. “You have no idea what that means.”

“Yes I do!” Goku advanced another step, and Sanzo had to will himself against the urge to retreat, he couldn't show weakness, not now. “It means I wanna stay with you, no matter what, and--”

“You have no idea!” Sanzo shoved Goku back. Hurt flashed through Goku's expression, but Sanzo gritted his teeth. “Sure, it changes. It changes, it leaves, it dies.”

“No, dammit! Maybe sometimes, but not all the time!” Goku held his hands out towards Sanzo. “Why don't you believe me? And if you didn't want love – if you didn't think you liked me like that, then why did you want to see me at all?”

Sanzo flinched, but he shook his head. “It doesn't matter.”

“But... I care about you!” Despair tinged Goku's voice, his eyes going wide. “Does that mean anything to you?”

Sanzo felt an ache in him, accompanied by the sudden notion that this was his turning point. Either he accepted what Goku was offering, and all the risks that came with it, or he throw it away.

He hardened his heart and made the only smart decision.

"No."

Goku staggered back, as sure as if he'd taken a blow to the chest, but Sanzo held firm, as hard as the concrete under his shoes. Then, Goku sucked his lip in and tried to will the emotion from his face. "Fine." He lowered his head. "Tell Mr. Koumyou and Mr. Toudai I'll miss 'em. I won't bother you anymore." With that, he charged off in the direction he'd been heading, face down, arms crossed tight over his chest.

So much of Sanzo wanted to reach for him, to chase after him, to try to explain, "this is for your own good, you don't want to learn the hard way," but for Goku, this was probably hard enough. He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't want to.

His knees were shaking, his throat hurt. He wished the clouds would come back, blot out the moonless evening sky, and drown the rain that threatened to spill from his eyes and down his face, but he swallowed hard, pushed it all back, and tried to reassure himself: "Just let it go." He shook his head and tried to turn for his car, already feeling lost.

Maybe the world really had gone crazy.

[avangee]

Vodka Redbulls (Joshler/AU)

Tyler was drunk. He doesn’t really understand why or how he got this fucking pissed. He only wanted a vodka redbull, just to see if the alcohol would make it taste bad. He did it for science! And science led him to drink nine more vodka redbulls, for trials obviously, Tyler had to try every redbull flavour with vodka for science. Not because he wanted to get drunk. No, just because his best friend got a girlfriend who is just beautiful and one hundred times better than Tyler, doesn’t mean he wanted to get so drunk he can’t remember it. Alright, maybe he did want to get a little drunk. Debby was cute and pretty and great, Josh really liked her. Josh and Debby have been dating one week, Tyler was happy that Josh had found someone, at first. What he didn’t realize was that Josh wouldn’t call him at three am to talk about a hypothetical alien invasion anymore or that they wouldn't  hang out and watch crappy sci-fi movies together on Tyler’s couch on top of eachother because sitting up is tiring.

Tyler didn’t want to loose his best friend at all, ever. Apparently, the universe did not agree, they wanted him to suffer without Josh to complain to because Tyler’s only fricking friend’s always fricking busy with Debby.  Yesterday it was going on a cute romantic picnic with Debby. Thursday it was going to Taco bell, Tyler’s favorite fricking restaurant, with Debby. Wednesday it was studying for mid-terms with Debby after Josh had promised Tyler they would hang out. And it goes on up until last Friday when Debby asked out Josh to Starbucks, when Tyler had planned to stay up all night with his friend playing video games and laughing at nothing.

Brendon was friends with Josh, and Dallon was a friend of Brendon, Tyler didn’t really know either so when they asked him to come to their party, he was kind of surprised. After lunch period, where Josh said he was going to be with Debby tonight, Tyler gave his answer to Dallon. He was frustrated his only friend didn’t seem to have any time for him. All Tyler wanted to do was make out with some cute chick and maybe see if a vodka redbull tasted good or not. He did not expect to be aggressively grinding on Dallon, the literal human tree, to the sound of some bad pop music and drunk off his butt. Dallon seemed to be into Tyler’s dancing, the tree was grinding back and dragging his hands up and down Tyler’s torso. It felt good, Tyler liked this way better than what he did with Jenna, his only ex-girlfriend. Maybe it was because he was drunk, or maybe it was because he might actually not be as straight as he thought, but Tyler was extremely turned on. Both him and Dallon were sweating heavily, the song changed to some song about a toothbrush or something, it was faster and Dallon grinded against a spot that made Tyler loose all self control. He moaned softly, and kissed the tree human with everything he had. It was fricking amazing, way better than the three chicks that had kissed him. Definitely not straight, he decided. He pulled off of Dallon and giggled, telling the tall one that he was going to get another drink.

In the kitchen, realization struck. Tyler made out with a dude, Dallon’s a pretty chill one but Tyler hadn’t ever though he was going to be tasting the inside of his mouth. Also, Tyler liked the scratch of stubble and the harshness of Dallon’s lips, way better than any kisses he had ever had from girls. Maybe he’s gay. Well, obviously he’s gay or at least bi. He downed a cup of straight vodka, no redbull this time, before he walked back out.

Brendon walked over to him and high-fived him, “Dude, I didn’t know you liked dudes. Also nice, if I wasn’t dating Ryan I would definitely be all over that tall glass of lemonade.”

Tyler laughed at the big-foreheaded guy, “I didn’t know either,” he said. Well, he meant to say that, instead he said, completely against his will, something about how he wanted to kiss Brendon’s forehead. Obviously, he did at that moment, but that’s a weird thing to tell someone. Fortunately, Brendon just laughed it off.

“Hey what’s the deal with Josh and Debby?” Brendon asked, he looked kind of confused, Tyler wasn’t sure what of though.

“They’re dating. And now Josh can’t even make time to cuddle his best friend while we watch Star Wars  because he’s off on some romantic picnic with Debby. Damn, they probably kiss like me and Dallon did. Is it weird that I kind of wanted Josh to kiss me that way?” Tyler rambled, only some of his words entirely clear because he was very drunk.

“Y'know I saw Debby with that girl Jenna like, it was insane. They were making out earlier upstairs.”

Tyler made some sort of gasping/ coughing noise, really? Debby was cheating on Josh? Tyler absolutely had to call his friend about this, only to make sure Josh wasn’t going to get hurt. Yeah, that’s the only reason.

“Hey, Ty, wassup?” he was greeted with when he made it outside where it was slightly quieter.

“Hey Joshy babe, I’m gonna n-need you to p-pick me up!” well, it’s not entirely a lie.

“Are you drunk? What the frick, man?”wow, Josh seemed worried about him.  He wasn’t worried when Tyler was texting him about his parents two days ago.

“Now you c-care? You didn’t care w-when I was crying w-when I j-just wanted you to h-hug me after m-me, when- I d-dun know wh-at I’m s-saying, alright just. I’m at Beebo’s, the f-forehead’s house, can you pick me u-up?” Tyler honestly didn’t know what he was trying to say with that, he didn’t even remember what he called Josh for after he hung up.

He walked back into the party, he felt sad for some reason. He poured himself another red cup full of vodka and chugged it. Dallon walked into the kitchen with some red haired guy who was in Tyler’s art class, Gerald or something. Tyler didn’t hesitate to pin Dallon against the fridge and attack the tall one’s lips with his own. It didn’t feel like it did while they were dancing, it felt empty so Tyler kissed harder. Dallon put his hands right under Tyler’s butt, it felt different but good, then Dallon picked him up and Tyler didn’t have to look up to kiss the other anymore. He wrapped his legs around the tall one’s waist, the position was perfect for Tyler to roll his hips against Dallon’s, so he did. He earned a moan from the other, it was amazing to feel the hot breath against his lips. Dallon moved his swollen lips to leave sloppy, wet kisses down Tyler’s jaw. Tyler tried to hold back a loud moan when Dallon bit down against the skin on his neck. Way better than any girl could do. The tall one walked to one of the kitchen counters still sucking and biting on Tyler’s neck. It really was amazing. Tyler felt Dallon’s hands move from his thighs only for them to be replaced by a countertop. That freed Dallon’s hand, and with that freedom long fingers began moving under Tyler’s shirt and pinching his nipples. Tyler’s gasp turned into a moan, it was way louder than what was probably alright in someone else’s kitchen. He liked it, so much, it felt so good.

Someone coughed behind them, Tyler opened half-lidded eyes to see highlighter-yellow hair attached to his best friend. He smirked and rolled his hips into Dallon’s, he didn’t exactly know what he was thinking in his drunken haze but he put on a show for Josh. He moaned, gasped and let his hands roam all over Dallon’s body. All while staring at Josh.

“Hey, Ty, I’ve gotta head back so if you still need a ride, I’ll just be in my car for the next ten minutes or so,” Josh explained after Tyler had started to rub himself through his jeans, but the yellow haired teen didn’t leave.

“Sorry, Dally, I gotta go. I might make up for leaving you like this n-next time, you’d like my mouth on you wouldn’t you?” Tyler looked right at Josh when he said the last part.

Dallon nodded, and Josh hurried out of the kitchen. Tyler hopped off the counter and kissed Dallon one last time before setting off towards where he thought might be the front door. The outside Columbus air felt great, he was way too warm from being around so many people all at once. Tyler spotted Josh’s car but not the owner, so he leaned against the front tire while sitting on the curb with his eyes closed until he heard grass being crushed in front of him. He opened his eyes to see his best friend, silent tears falling from Josh’s eyes.

“H-hey, what’s up?” Tyler asked, he never liked to see Josh sad for any reason, he wanted to make his friend feel better.

“Debby,” was all he got in response, Brendon’s words came back into Tyler’s mind. Frick, no this was a situation worthy of a real curse word. Fuck.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Tyler slurred his words, and then laughed at himself before remembering Josh was sad, “Hey, w-wanna cry together at my place?”

Tyler saw Josh furrow his eyebrows, but the highlighter-haired one unlocked the car and got in. The drunk boy hopped into the car as his friend turned the ignition. Tyler looked at Josh, taking in his features. His brown roots were starting to show, and it looked like three day hair. He giggled at the thought of Josh passing up on showers just to do nothing, then he remembered that Josh wasnt doing nothing, Josh was with Debby for those three days. He felt sad again, it was like a twist in his gut. It was probably because Josh was his only friend, ever and it was real then just how easily he could be forgotten from the mind of his best fricking friend. He thought he might be depressed, Josh had left him and he had no one for an entire week. Then he went to a stereotypical college party to get drunk out of his mind. That might be grounds of depression.

“You’re hair’s p-pretty, Joshy babe.”

That was what came out of all Tyler’s thoughts of abandonment, not that he was angry with Josh, he absolutely should be, or that he was scared that he could be alone so fast, but that he liked Josh’s hair. Josh laughed a little, probably at how ridiculous Tyler is. How needy and clingy Tyler was. How Tyler was annoying and a whore. He definitely was acting like a whore with Dallon, he was minutes from actually having sex with the tall one. He didn’t mean to be a whore. He just wanted to have fun and to not be sad anymore.

“I-” Tyler broke off into a sob “-I-i’m I’m s-sorry.”

Josh looked over at him, he was a pathetic mess. Sobbing over nothing, dragging Josh into his drunken mess. He kept repeating the apology until he couldn’t speak through the sobs anymore. Josh had pulled into a parking lot of some store, and that made Tyler want to cry more. His friend probably wanted to go to sleep, or cry over Debby, not have to babysit a clingy whore while he cries.

Josh rubbed circles on Tyler’s back, Tyler didn’t deserve to be comforted. He deserved to die like the weak little child he was, he couldn’t even hear the words his only friend was saying to him and that made him cry harder. Tyler kept trying to say he was sorry but the words weren’t coming out, why couldn’t he do anything right? It doesn’t make sense, why was he even crying? Because he’s weak and he doesn’t deserve anything. He doesn’t want Josh to have to baby him.

“G-go, j-just just go,” Tyler laughed, he didn’t want to have Josh wait for him like some spoiled brat.

Josh drove off towards his house, thankfully. Tyler was trying hard not to make anymore noise, he didn’t want to embarrass himself. Apparently, vodka makes him way more anxious, he never used to over analyze anything with Josh but then he was scared to talk to his friend or even make a fricking sound. The car was silent the next seven minutes, Tyler knew it had been exactly seven minutes because he had fixated his gaze on the digital clock where a car radio used to be before it got stolen. It was a solar powered clock the two had bought at Target, Tyler found it ridiculous to put a small clock where a giant hole was but Josh loved it. Then came the unbearable silence. After only a day of driving without a car radio, both had elected to just play music from their phones.

Now there was no music and Tyler was completely lost in his thoughts.

They pulled up into Josh’s driveway, his parents didn’t seem to be home so that would let Tyler cry as loud as he fricking pleased. Josh didn’t make any move to get out of the car so neither did Tyler, ten unbearably long seconds of awkward silence Tyler started to unbuckle the seat belt he didn’t remember putting on. Josh grabbed his arm before he could leave, keeping him in the car. Tyler was ready to apologize for anything, fricking heck, he messed with Josh at one am on a Saturday. He didn’t want to look at Josh.

“I’m so-” Tyler was starting to say before he was suddenly pulled into a hug.

“I love you, you know that? I love you,�� Tyler felt some sort of hope in those words that maybe life couldn’t be that hard if Josh Dun loved him. He didn’t get it. He didn’t get how with a few words Josh could make him feel all fuzzy and warm.

Josh pulled back from the hug but Tyler never wanted to let go. He wanted to hold his friend forever, and feel arms around him so he knows that someone loves him. Tyler pushed his forehead against Josh’s, it was uncomfortable maneuvering around the car’s interior.

“I love you too, Josh.”

He had said those words before, but this time felt different. Not only because of the vodka redbulls, but he felt everything in that moment. The slight choke of Josh’s breath, the way Josh’s eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips. Tyler felt everything in that moment. And nothing could ever top the feeling of Josh’s lips.

@kee-ly99

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH SCENIC ROUTE TO ALASKA

Edmonton’s Scenic Route to Alaska is celebrating the release of their new album, Tough Luck. Certainly not luck, however, is their talent. The Canadian indie rock trio, comprised of Trevor Mann, Shea Connor and Murray Wood, brings an exuberance that is contagious (and memorable!). Full of rich arrangements, melodic riffs, and unrelenting vocals sung with a relaxed flair—the album is an impressive follow-up to their critically acclaimed album Long Walk Home. 

Congratulations on the release of Tough Luck! Tell us about the major themes in the new record, and what was the songwriting process like for you?

In a lot of ways, Tough Luck feels like our most honest effort to date. The record feels sonically punchy and uplifting melodically. Lyrically, the new album tackles the unique lifestyle we share as touring musicians – contemplating themes of self-inflicted loneliness and fleeting relationships. 

The writing process was fairly intuitive. I (Trevor) spent two solid weeks in the basement of our band house flushing out new ideas before we headed into the studio. I think this rushed, yet focused, approach made for a cohesive album with consistent themes throughout. 

Let’s talk about your music video for “How it Feels.” It’s a great track, but the video definitely adds an unforgettable, entertaining layer. Take us through the initial idea and filming.

The video was an absolute blast to shoot! We were lucky enough to work with a local (Edmonton) twenty-five-year wrestling pro named MASSIVE DAMMAGE. He brought a lot to the table, including: the ring, a few training sessions, choreography, a young up-and-coming wrestler (Cody “Young Blood” Blayde), and a badass attitude (plus, he actually roughed us up pretty good!). One of the underrated parts of being a musician is shooting music videos and, in turn, throwing yourselves into situations that you’d normally be steering way clear of. We got a pretty quick glimpse into the world of wrestling and it was super cool. Worth all of the bumps and bruises, for sure!

How have you grown as artists since your debut record in 2012?

I think we’ve all progressed steadily together, over the last six years. We seem to be touring more and more with each album cycle and that kind of experience, musically and in life, keeps making us more mature and competent players/humans. I’d like to believe that everything we have put out has been honest and from the heart and it seems like the more we create, the more we find an eloquent way of showcasing that growth in our tunes.  

On a more personal note, how has your friendship progressed?

It’s been a wild ride! We’ve all known each other since we were kids so it’s pretty hard to phase us at this point. We were actually living together in a band house (we dubbed “The Jazz Café) for the last 2 years but, unfortunately, had to move out right before the start of this big tour! It was pretty intense to spend 7 months on the road together and then come home and live under the same roof. 

Although, I think we did a great job of it and still spent most of our free time together playing video games and throwing darts at the walls. If anything, this change of pace is going to make it so that we’re more excited to get out on the road to spend time together!   

You worked on the record in Vancouver and have played in B.C. a number of times. What do you love most about the city?

Ooooh, that’s a tough one! Vancouver is such a vibrant city and has always been so welcoming. I think I’d have to go with all the amazing food! While we were recording, there was never a shortage of good grub, from the sushi to the burritos (and the sushi-burritos) and everything in-between. 

You took home a number of awards at the Edmonton Music Awards last year, a city that has supported and embraced since you since your beginnings. What can you say about the city and the Edmonton music scene? How much have you enjoyed being apart of it?

We have a hard time describing our undying love for Edmonton. The community is so tightly-knit, yet so inclusive. Musicians from all different genres hangout, collaborate, and support each other in following their dreams. We’ve experienced so much positivity and encouragement from local promoters and all of our fans that we’ve honestly never second guessed what we’re doing! I can’t wait to watch the scene grow more, there are some extremely talented cats in town these days! 

You’ll be heading out on an extensive tour throughout North America and Europe. What do you enjoy most about being out on the road and performing live?

I just love taking it all in. It’s pretty surreal that we are able to fend off day jobs by making loud noises and meeting nice people every night. Sometimes, especially on the busy tours, it can be a bit overstimulating and fast paced - but, when that’s the case, we just focus on putting all of our energy into playing a kickass show!  

Why should people come out to a show? Give us a pitch.

We genuinely love what we do and we try to convey that every time we hit the stage. We wear our hearts on our sleeve up there and hope that people can sense the honesty and joy in what we do. You can pretty much expect three best friends (and big dorks) rocking our faces off up there. 

Because Canada is a hockey loving country, we have to ask which team(s) you root for, and who are your favourite players?

This is an easy one! We all grew up in Edmonton so, without a doubt, our favourite hockey team is the Edmonton Oilers. As for favourite players: ALL OF THEM. Just kidding (not really), but if we had to pick a few, it’d be Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl. Those kids are totaallllly insane.  

Who are some artists that you are listening to on your playlist?

Currently jamming out to: Wintersleep, Big Thief, Close Talker, Peach Pit, Dr. Dog, Phosphorescent, and so many more as this tour continues.  

Our signature question – if each of you could be any ice cream flavour, which would you be and why?

Trevor: I’m gonna go with Banana Cream Pie (if such a a thing exists.. plz say it exists?) because that’s my favourite dessert and these other two dudes always say it’s pervy and make fun of me for it! 

Murray: Mint Chocolate Chip because it’s way better than brushing your teeth! Shea: Cookie Dough because that sh*t’s tasty.

______________________________________________________________

Thanks to Trevor, Shea and Murray for taking the time to answer our questions! Visit https://www.scenicroutetoalaska.com/ to purchase their latest record, listen to music, and stay up to date with upcoming tour dates.

Photo credit to: Michael Johnny Carson Kuby

[chrismaverickdotcom]

Oscar Season Catch-Up (a Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri review)

If you know me you know I love the Oscars. I love Oscar season (hmmm… I haven’t had a fancy dress up party for the Oscars in a while, maybe I should). I got a little busy towards the end of the year last year and missed several of the big Oscar flicks. I’m still really busy (seriously… i’m trying to not think of how much I am drowning in paper grading and paper writing… someone please fucking kill me) but Oscar night is imminent. So I’m at this point where I’m going to have to cram in some flicks in order to be prepared for the ceremony. So in that spirit, last night Stephanie and I went out and saw Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.

So yeah… I love me some Oscars… and this movie… was very Oscar.

Every year leading up to Oscar time I tend to get into a friendly argument with a friend or two (see, that’s why it’s called a friendly argument) about some geeky blockbuster film that they feel has been snubbed by the Oscars because clearly it was the real Best picture because it was totally the “best movie ever” or something. As I hinted at in my review of Black Panther a couple days ago, this year that film was Wonder Woman. The love for Wonder Woman is insane. And I get that. I really liked Wonder Woman. In fact, I think it was one of the most important movies that came out in 2017. It was good. What it wasn’t… was Best Picture. It just wasn’t. And I think a lot of that has to do with people not really understanding what the Oscars are or how they work.

People like to complain that the Oscars are pompous and overrated. That they’re pretentious and self-congratulatory. That they’re out of touch with the people. That the entire ceremony is just a chance for Hollywood to bend itself over blow itself. And they are. They’re supposed to be.

See, the Oscars are supposed to represent the film industry taking stock at their wares for the last year and saying “what is the finest in cinematic achievement for us in the last 365 days. What do we want future generations to point at and say ‘this was the art of filmmaking in 2017?’ What represents our vision of the craft for the day?” And Wonder Woman wasn’t about that. That’s a big reason why Wonder Woman was… well, popular. I think people want to think that the Oscars should be about the fans. What movie meant the most to people? But they’re not. It’s no mistake that most Best Picture winners are movies that comparatively few people have seen. They’re internal awards, given from one artist by the others. They’re not about the message that is demanded by the audience. They’re about the art that is created by the artists. They’re a chance for Hollywood to try and say “we are art.”

And that’s what Three Billboards is.

The best thing I can possibly say about the film is the ending. In fact, it’s the final scene. I usually try to do these reviews without spoilers. But I figure 1) this movie has been out for while, so if you want to see it, you can and 2) much like 10x as many people saw Wonder Woman as saw this movie, I know 1/10 of my regular readers are going to bother with this review. So fuck it.

So anyway, SPOILERS (skip to the END SPOILERS tag if you don’t want to know)…

The ending of this movie is perfect and it is indicative of the entire film. In the last 5 min of the film there’s a question of whether a character is going to murdered. And as soon as it came up, I had this gut reaction of “end the movie now! End it right now! I don’t want to know. I want to be left with questions. And then the movie didn’t stop and I got scared. Suddenly I’m watching and going “fuck, they’re going to ruin this because now I have to watch them go kill this dude.” But no, the movie makes a brilliant choice. One character asks another “so are we going to kill this dude?” and the other character says “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out when we get there” and roll credits!

END SPOILERS

Perfection!

Because what this movie was about is complexity. It was about questions without answers. It was about not being able to give a tidy ending. It was about never finding resolution. And I wanted it to stay that way.

One of the few negative criticisms I’ve seen about this film is that no one is really likable. Sam Rockwell‘s character in particular is an unapologetic racist. Not the unintentional racists that I frequently argue with in my political posts here. No, this guy is a racist because he WANTS to be. He is decidedly unpleasant. In fact, he is downright despicable. And he is supposed to be. And yet, there are parts of the film that place you in the unpleasant position of having to root for him. And it is uncomfortable. And brilliant.

Frances McDormand‘s protagonist is better, but only by comparison. She is clearly the hero of the film. The very premise of the movie, a woman seeking justice for her raped and murdered daughter (that’s not a spoiler, that the basic tag), positions us to want to root for her. And yet, the script and McDomand’s portrayal do everything they can to make us not like her. It is an amazing character study. Woody Harrelson similarly plays a complex character. One who is deeply flawed and does both good and bad things. The events of the film leave you unable to decide whether he is corageous or awful. The characters are complex. They are certainly not real. In fact the three principle leads are so hyperreal that to think about them for more than two seconds you’d realize that no one could possibly exist in our world that was even remotely as fucked up as any of them are. Frankly, the supporting cast largely has this issue as well. Everyone in this film is problematic. But that is not really a problem. It’s what makes the film work. The point of the movie seems to be to challenge us to feel for a character’s struggle while also not necessarily liking them. It challenges you to not know how to feel. And it succeeds.

And that complexity is what makes the film work. The movie seeks to tackle an impossible social problem. A problem that is very real and that we have no real solution for. And it does not pretend to give us that solution. Instead it forces us to dwell in the knowledge that perhaps there is no solution and that instead we just get to experience the effects of the problem as it exists. Where films like Wonder Woman and Black Panther are meant to give us hope for a better world where perfect superheroes can fight for social justice, Three Billboards shows us that sometimes the fight social justice is fought by flawed and imperfect human beings who have just had the misfortune of being caught in a situation they can barely comprehend and can hardly navigate. And sometimes, the battle may just be unwinnable… but there may be no choice but to fight it anyway. It shows us that hope can be fleeting and that the world may just suck. It tells us that there are no answers.

And that is an artistic statement. It is a statement worth dwelling on. It is a statement worth celebrating. It is a statement that frankly… is not for everyone. But it is a statement that is certainly worth winning a little golden statue or two.

Wonder Woman doesn’t get that statue. It gets a different award. It’s called 800 million dollars.

My only question is, do I root for this or Lady Bird? I really don’t know which I liked better. And I still have to see I, Tonya and Shape of Water (neither of which I think Steph is interested in, so if anyone is interested in being my date for wankerish Oscar movies, let me know).

★★★★¾(4.75 out of 5 stars)

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Oscar Season Catch-Up (a Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri review) was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom