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#watch them do it and break the internet
lesbianphan · 5 months
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I really do think we're not being crazy this time. I truly think we're on the verge of phan is real announcement in some form. Might not be a wedding, might not include the details we wish we knew. But I really REALLY think they'll do it.
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boxwinebaddie · 4 months
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How/when does Jersey end up saying I love you?
oooooh! okay, so i was going to write it out ( i am jennifer slowpez so in nina fashion, i am spoiling it, what's new? ) but there is a part after this...if we remember this ask i am obsessed with where raven is diabolically patching jersey up via the tiny child sized hellokitty carebear bandids kyle bought for the kids he works w in the elementary school via that one anons delicious input...genius really.
*raven vc* pero like, so you know, they pull away it's awkward fml. dawg, they are about to *dreamy fit asf rm tolkien posh british vc* have a cheeky little snog like that entire whumpshot...anyways!
( ALRIGHT THIS IS LONG, VERY UNHINGED AND ROUGH SORRY I HOPE YOU SMILE LAUGH AND CRY PENDEJOS <3 )
kyle notices that the vinyl record player is playing their sadie hawkins first dance song ( idk what song it is but its an abba song because thats gay rights baby! its probably my love, my life or andante andante...branch in my eyes ) and theres a bowl of skittles, but only the red ones are in it...because stan still eats around the red ones bc only kyle can have the red ones....brb crying!
yadda yadda yadda. and i think on the tv, the screen is paused over a brand new episode of say yes to the dress ( if we recall, before i deleted chapter six...which was a disaster but also a masterpiece rip, ravenstan was being so boyfail cute in it in his armani suit and was rizzing the hell out of kyle with his crunchy boy knowledge of plants...when stan came over for their #hate fashionably late, kyle was stress-watching say yes to the dress...which is his favorite show because he claims to be allergic to romance, but secretly thinks its really beautiful that people can fall and love and get married...AAA )
but anyways, when they start dating say yes to the dress ( shoutout to when ravenstan forgot what it was called bc adhd and called it Are You Down With The Gown ) became their show and kyle very quietly is like "were you going to watch it?" and stan getting nervous, trying to deflect because they always watch it together is like uhuhuhHhHh and kyle, sad laugh shaking his head is like "baby" *yersey swearing* "dude...baby dude...my guy...just guy, fuck, you know you can watch it without me. we're not...Together. *hurts worse than his ribs* you don't have to wait for me." and stan is like "i-i know. i was going to...i-i Wanted to! i just--i couldn't. i couldn't watch all the people in...."
Love :(
he doesn't say it. but jersey kyle can FEEL it.
he winces. hard.
he wants to fucking die...he wants to say something but he's so stupid and he ruined ravenstan's life, words fail him but STAN!!! grabs his hand and is like "-because! because i knew it would make me miss you. and fuck it. FUCK EVERYTHING KYLE I FUCKING MISS YOU!!!! i miss you and i LOVE you and i don't--i don't care if you can't say it back! i don't have to wait for you, but i WILL! i want to! i'll--i'll wait forever! YOURE MY FOREVER. people tell me they love me everyday, but with you--i can feel it. I. Just. Know. and that's enough! you're enough. YOURE ENOUGH, KYLE BROFLOVSKI. just the way you are. and i'm sorry...i'm sorry i pushed you and tried to change you. i was just, i was insecure about it i guess--and--and--"
cue kyle smiling like an idiot ( the rare kyle smile ) like "...stan?"
ft. stan still yapping smh like "oh my god, i miss you SO much! curb only got into the trash because you weren't here to remind me. and i had pasta from this five star restaurant the other day and oh my god, ky. it was TRASH! yours is so much better! and-and i think i broke the washing machine earlier, oh my god, it sounded like an explosion, i can't find anything, i--"
kyle...literally still trying to get stans attention smh going
"stan? hey? stan???? Stan???"
stans still yapping btw ( oh my god when he is passionate the man never shuts the hell up hes like rambling himself into a corner ) like "and theres this new exhibit in the aquarium and theres this huge red fish in it and i wanted to send it to you and be like 'this you' but were fighting and I HATE FIGHTING WITH YOU. can we stop fighting? :< i miss you. will you please come home? curb misses you, i miss you, i--"
*jersey vc* STANLEY MARSH!
*stan doing the wide flustered doe eye thing with the lip ring lip bite combo that makes kyle like actually criminally insane with love feels*
speaking of...
he leeeeeeeeeeeeeeans in...
gently grasps ravenstan's face
KISSES THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHIT OUT OF HIM.
and says
and i quote...
"Te amo." <3
AAAAAAAAAA AND THE CROWD GOES WIIIIIIILD :')
-uncle nina, gratuitous undivorcer of ravesey style
#i'll edit the tags in a second#but is everyone happy#theyre in love again#i promise#*impastor craig vc* by the power vested in me i now pronounce my beautiful gay sons that i tortured for half a year#Undivorced ;-; <3#I CAAAAAAAAAANT BELIEVE IT#no one get used to it im still gonna have them do miserable break up things and create drama dont worry about THAT#BUT I CANT BELIEVE JERSEY KYLE SAID I LOVE YOU#I AM SO PROUD WOW THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL#now i can write the jersey kyle Can say i love u meme#( which is my favorite ask meme its so funny ily robot kyle )#he is like...i have so many feelings...i am excited? frightened? ex...frightened?#I CANT BELIEVE JERSEY KYLE SAID TEEEE AMO#SMILE PENDEJO NATION WE ARE SOOOOO BACK!#is anyone else crying or is it just me is it just jersey and raven and me and curb and the entire internet#UR WELCOME! YOU ARE ALL NO LONGER CHILDREN OF DIVORCE! TIME TO REJOOOOOOOOOOOICE YALL#*passes out The I Survived The 2024 Ravesey Divorce And All I Got Was This Stupid Teeshirt stupid teeshirts*#my sons in love my sons in AMOR bitch!!!!!!#that rizz was crazy also this was too happy so pls note they quite licherally almost smashed but kyles bones are broken#NOT THE ONE THAT MATTERS THO but he did still get stanbanned by sexy nurse raven lamE#*teri vc* at least he'd die doing what he loves...LITERALLY!!!#i admire his dedication like i too would risk it all to get risque and frisque with ravenstan but no they just#watched say yes to the dress and fell asleep on the couch#The End <3#everybody chant NINA!!! NINA!!!! NINAAAAAAA!!!
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woosh-floosh · 7 months
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Grandpa's been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I want to visit more but I wish it wasn't so toughies on me autism wise.
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marklikely · 3 months
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letterboxd app apparently has added video ads bc i tried to view my activity and got hit with a 15 second unskippable ad... and deleted the entire app within 10 seconds of encountering this...
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yousaytomato · 7 months
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Tumblr really is one of the last defenders of the: "ooopsy wooooopsy~ looks wike we had a wittle accident 👉👈🥺" style of error message
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the-trans-dragon · 1 year
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What if they didn't put ads every 3 posts. Three posts between ads, literally. Not even counting the ad for Tumblr Live.
Also what if tumblr didn't know what city Im in. I do not want my location tracked or stored anywhere unless I give explicit ongoing permission, like with my GPS app that I allow to track me only when the app is open, and then it deletes the data (allegedly) when I stop giving permission.
#ugh i do SO much to try to keep my location private. i use an android with all the tracking things Off (except for my weather app#which is a highly specific app that does NOTHING except provide weather; and i have the location turned Off so it doesnt even know where i#live). my tumblr email is not connected to any real life stuff because i made it when i was very closeted and made a new email and password#for it and never linked them to anything else. i have bare minimum apps. i use firefox and duckduckgo.#for shits sake i use a small barely-known map app because any Map App that has had large success under capitalism is inevitably going to#start selling private info or working with a cheap security system designed to allow quiet data leaks.#i guess i use gmail and gphotos but my phone doesnt HAVE a native Photo App. i have to use one i download and im too damn skittish to try#i guess i did get netflix recently....sigh.... i figured they WERENT tracking me because they email me EVERY TIME I USE NETFLIX to alert me#that OHHHH A NEW DEVICE IS USING NETFLIX AAAAA WHAT IF ITS AGAINST NETFLIX POLICY OH NOOOO. so i figured they didnt have a way to ID me.#UGH. CAN I PLEASE EXIST WITHOUT BEING MONITORED FOR FIVE SECONDS. can i please access Social Media which is a shitty substitute for actual#human connection but its the best i have--without someone noting my location and then trying to sell me things??? can i please watch film???#i cant go to a theater because my region does NOT believe in covid and not even medical staff attending Very Ill Patients wear masks anymore#stupid fucking homophobic transphobic anti-vax society has made it too dangerous for me to access most Not-Online forms of enrichment. and i#cant even use the Internet (a magnificent ASTONISHING human creation) without being tracked and advertised to.#ugh..#humanity is just so cool and brave and kind and amazing and yet we have taxes and advertisment IDs and traffic and medicine shortages.#its not like the ads even work. even when it shows me stuff i DO want. i cant fucking afford things. i already have spent too much money on#things that i dont need like Good Food and Entertainment and Juice. ugh....okay i do need food and liquids....Good food even. my body cant#survive on College Foods like it could in the past. And i might literally die if i dont buy juice...#and i guess its really really really heartwarming to have good entertainment to take breaks from all the stress.... its not like i havent l#..... like im so frugal. thank god my partners encourage me to buy myself things. i have been so much healthier since giving in and buying#Non-Water drinks instead of just Chronically Drinking Less Than A Bottle Of Water A Day. my partners are so good and sweet 😓 i shouldnt be#upset with myself for letting them convince me to take care of myself. that isnt fair to them or me so i will stop doing that now.#my faith in humanity is mostly just knowing that my partners exist. theyre so sweet. if people like them exist--then i have faith in humanty#no pressure lol. they are both so good and perfect regardless of how much energy they have to spare for Being Good. they are just inherently#very dear and good to me and for me. but just because i have faith in humanity doesnt mean im gonna stop complaining the whole time!!!!!! i#will whine about the bad stuff forever!!!! and BITE IT if i ever get the chance. but i will complain until the bothersome things go away.#if i complain my whole life with no results then...! so be it. i will whine and it will be art somehow.#sorenhoots
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sunfoxfic · 1 year
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after literally spending hours today on it, I now have a highish-quality version of the complete first My Hero Academia stage play. I'm going to go insane
#first i couldn't figure out how to download the video i found on the internet and had to get a workaround#the download kept failing so every few minutes for literally like an hour and a half i had to keep telling it to retry#i get that download and it's way lower quality than the original video i downloaded#i figure out if i just screen record the video i get a higher quality recording#but this video is 2.5 hours so i have to figure out if i can turn the volume down on my computer and still record the audio#(I can thank god)#i leave that going for a little while#get back to it 2.5 hours later#realize the screen recordings have a max length of 2 hours#start recording from half an hour back#eventually i have 2 recordings that have the entirety of the screenplay#it's been like 10 hours since i started though to be fair i did take a 3 hour break to watch the queen's gambit with my mom#i open up the video in editing software#my computer decides i don't have enough storage so i have to clear a bunch of stuff#i realize that the video title has japanese characters in it is interfering with the editing software#i rename the files#i recreate the video#i restitch them together seamlessly and clear the excess at the beginning and end#at some point i try to separate the audio and video on the software bc that's something it can do#realize this is a huge mistake bc the audio quality goes WAY down#get distracted by izuku's actor's singing during bakugou and shouto's fight during the sports fest#bc hot DAMN he can SING#i have no idea what he's saying but i am having FEELINGS#that's my favorite song#anyway. now i have it. i have the video#it's exporting now
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#god. im so sorry. ive apparently dragged myself up enough that i can now be v annoying abt my problems on the internet#anyway. the thing abt me is that ppl just cant say things to me. like the casual way ppl do#like oh we should do X thing or u should do X thing. bc i just go. ok r u... r u actually saying this is a thing that has to heppen?#like??? is this someone i have to be wary of now? and if its u should do X thing i cant just let it go#like Thursday my boss was like: u should watch a movie or something this weekend bc she was telling me to chill for a sec#bc i can only imagine how fucking miserable i looked last week#and now im laying here like. i didnt watch a movie. i didnt watch a movie. i said i would and its the end of the weekend and i havent#watched a movie. but like i dont even want to watch one?#and like if u tell me to chill its like. ok so i have to not work this weekend. ok but i have all these things i have to do. but i cant do#them bc i have to chill. so i get stuck in this agony loop where im just laying here paralyzed#which ive basically been doing for the past 2hrs. like i have so much to do. but i have to relax but also i have personal projects that#need to get done. and if i just lay here it counts as relaxing right? despite the fact im spiralling#i just cant focus. i vascilate too much between too many tasks and therefore accomplish nothing#so did i relax this weekend? well i didnt get much done so fml#ugh. its so annoying. im just so bored. maybe i should just sleep#i dont think ive been sleeping well. ugh. i dont understand how ppl can just like shut off the part of their brain that goes#ding! u have a task to do. ding! u have a task to do. ding! ur wasting time. ding! just imagine everything u could be getting done!#and i have to work thru Thanksgiving and i might not get that much time off at Christmas bc theres a project that keeps getting pushed back#my boss is moving schools January 1 but she really wants to b there for this project thats gonna kill me so like maybe we could squeeze it#in before Christmas? maybe? if i dont take a fucking break. which is stupid bc its my choice i literally dont have to but i cant just#forget that she wants to see it so whatever. ive been such a fuck up recently that i feel like i should make it up somehow#but thats stupid bc i should just take a long break bc im v obviously not doing well. but at this point idk if that would fix anything#i just need to leave. but rationally i should stay until next August bc money. but god at what cost#ugh y have i dont this to myself? last year around this time i was doing 10hr days 6 days a week on part time pay. and now im like hm y am#i all used up now? why am i so bitter? bc actions have consequences mate#sigh... so annoying#unrelated
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redgoldsparks · 5 months
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My Experience Buying eSIMs for Gaza by Maia Kobabe
instagram / patreon / portfolio / etsy / my books
Full transcript below the cut:
Cover:
My Experience Buying eSIMs for Gaza 
Project organized by @ connectinghumanity_
by Maia Kobabe @redgoldsparks 
Page 1 
In Fall 2023, I saw instructions on instagram for how to purchase an eSIM card and submit it to be distributed to someone in Gaza. 
Download an eSIM app-> Select Middle East as the region-> Purchase-> Screenshot the QR code-> Do not activate-> send to [email protected] 
Image of Maia looking at eir phone. “That sounds easy, I’ll buy one.” 
I emailed an Airalo eSIM QR code to gazaesims on Nov 17 2023. 
Page 2
By January 2024, it hadn’t been activated yet. I bought a second one from Nomad and sent my new QR code and resubmitted my old one. 
Image of Maia looking at eir phone. “How long does this usually take, I wonder?” 
By February neither had been activated, but Connecting Humanity kept posting about needing more. I bought a second Nomad and resubmitted all of them on February 15, 2024. 
Page 3
The Nomad eSIMs are much cheaper than Airalo, but what I didn’t realize is that they expire even if they haven’t been activated. At the end of February I decided to try a third company, Simly. Here’s a price comparison: 
AIRALO: $39 USD for 3GB, never expires 
SIMLY: $22 USD for 3GB, never expires 
NOMAD: $16 USD for 3GB, expires after 8 weeks even if unused, only offers in-app refunds 
Page 4
Connecting Humanity asks folks to wait at least 3 weeks before resending a QR code that hasn’t been activated yet. On March 7 Mirna Elhelbawi posted: 
We send EVERY esim we receive. Bear in  mind that we are dealing with people at a war zone. They might take it and get killed before activating it, they might take it and their phone gets lost or destroyed. They might take it and search for days for stable internet connection to activate it, and some of them activate it unsuccessfully due to lack of knowledge and the horrific situations they are in. ~Connecting Gaza 
By early April, my first Nomad eSIM expired unused. I resubmitted my three remaining eSIMs. 
Page 5
Suddenly, two of my eSIMs were activated on the same day! The Airalo I’d purchased 4.5 months earlier and my second Nomad. 
Image of Maia looking happy and surprised. 
Image of Maia looking very intensely at eir phone. “I have to make sure these don’t run out!” 
I began buying top-up packages immediately. 
Page 6
I felt like I had planted a seed in the fall and waited all winter for it to sprout. Seeing it activated was like watching the first new leaves break the soil. 
Image of Maia with a watering can labeled “data”, sprinkling water on two little sprouts. “Watering my eSIMs!” 
Sadly, only .07 GB of data was ever used on my Nomad. It was never used again after that first day. 
Page 7
But my Airalo has been in constant use for over a month now. I check on it every day. 
I will never know the person I am buying data for and they will never know me. But we are connected by the same strings of hope and grief that connect us all. 
Image of two hands holding a phone, which is connected to a flying kite. 
Page 8
On April 5, 2024 Connecting Humanity reported they had sent more than 250,000 eSIMs to Gaza, equivalent to approximately $6.3 million donated! You can visit gazaesims.com for more info, instructions, and discounts. Here are my referral codes: 
MAIA5367 for $3 off Airalo 
MB772 for $3 off Simly 
MAIA66GF for $3 off Nomad 
If you need more incentive, the Cartoonist Coop is doing art rewards. Visit cartoonist.coop/esims4gaza 
Page 9
Image of Maia, weighing two options. “Buying an eSIM is easy and can make a very direct impact. It can also take a lot of patience and could get expensive over time if you commit to keeping the eSIM topped up indefinitely.” 
If an immediate one time donation is more your speed, I recommend Operation Olive Branch and Gazafunds, two places to find Gofundmes aiding Palestinian families. 
gazafunds.com
@ operationolivebranch on insta
linktr.ee/opolivebranch 
-Maia Kobabe 2024 
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medicinemane · 1 year
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My youtube feed right now: "ah, you want to watch truck simulator"
I'm... I'm not sure why it thinks this, I've never actually watched truck simulator. The most I've watch are clips of people I like playing truck simulator because it's just not really my game to the point where I can't even watch someone I like playing it (I get enough multi hour drives in real life, you know?)
So yeah... just love the way youtube knows what you want to watch and refuses to let you actively feed it information so it could give you stuff you actually wanted
Also bonus complaint, I hate this banner it's thrown at the top of my screen that's like "oh, you could hit this tab for 'gaming' or 'blizzard enterainment' or..."
Bro, I fucking hate blizzard. I watch one dude play starcraft because I like his vibes, but I hate blizzard as a company and I kinda don't like most of their games (I enjoyed starcraft 1, but while I've never played it I've seen enough about starcraft 2 where I could complain to you about it so... liking one game out of their whole catalog kinda not what I'd call a fan)
Let me get rid of that stupid bar that like... anime? That's... that's such a broad term... that's like saying I like "books", like sure, it's true but that's also not gonna help me find something I want to read
Let me get rid of the bar, let me go in and tell you what I like cause your algorithm is clearly dumb and doesn't understand what I like and just goes by tags on videos. Let me tell it what I want, and let it serve me more content so I can stay on your platform longer
Been saying this for years, and they'll never listen cause they need to be in control
#I legit kind of worry that youtube may crash and burn in the next couple years... which much as I hate them; that would be bad#my worries stem from like their cracking down on adblocking combined with that thing about how... hmm... how to simplify this to fit in tag#people found out that they aren't serving ads the way they're supposed to#and that you might pay for an ad that's supposed to only run when clicked and be on a decent site#and it would be autoplaying in the bottom left of a weird ass little shit site no one wants or likes#so google's taken a big hit in confidence from companies as to their ad model#and seeing as youtube is pretty much pure ads...#like that's (as far as I can tell) the real reason they're pushing so hard about adblock and premium and stuff; cause they're not doing wel#and you combine that with looking around at all the other ad supported sites like reddit and twitter and see how they're doing#and you see that... maybe the ad based internet is kind of not sustainable#(though the advertisers will fight to the death to have the ability to track you; you fucking extremist)#like legit there's a conference where this guy was basically going 'they're coming for the internet itself by saying we can't track people'#anyway... circling back; this is why I worry about youtube#and while fuck the company; it's the content I worry about that's on there; it's the massive amounts of videos#and on a personal note; a lot of the people I like watching are fully on there (which is good; I dislike watching things on twitch)#but it's also bad cause... all their content is in only that one place... and if it ever went down...#anyway... I guess in conclusion fuck pretty much every company#they all suck so bad and are out to bleed the world dry while providing as little value as they can#and when they do provide value by god do they want to fuck it up and break what they're doing that's working#and... and we depend on them for a lot of tech infrastructure
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ghostfacd · 10 months
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IN A WORLD FULL OF BOYS, HE’S A GENTLEMAN ! | TOM BLYTH
PAIRING. tom blyth x fem!actress!reader
SUMMARY. despite being in a world filled of childish boys, your boyfriend was definitely a gentleman, always putting you before him
AUTHORS NOTE. the third installment because we love tom blyth and yn avocot. I recommend reading part 1 and 2 for more context!
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tomblyth “babe, do you think we’re together in every universe?” is that even a question?
tagged @/ynuser
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ynuser stoppp i didn’t know youd actually take the question seriously
user1 get you a man like tom blyth bc oh my god
user2 idk what yn did to manifest him but i need her ways
user3 ugh idk what he’s doing with her lol he could do so much better
➥ user4 well someone had to say it..
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You didn’t understand how some people on the internet can be so . . . mean. Although there have been countless of fans cheering you and Tom on, it didn’t make it any less hurtful that there were still a ton who weren’t scared to be open about how much your boyfriend could do better.
It’s ironic; you think. They’re claiming they’re looking out for Tom, yet totally disregarding him and his girlfriend as human beings? Those weren’t real fans.
The reason for them hating you so much? Just for simply being with Tom. Everybody wanted him, that was your crime.
Everytime you got lost in your thoughts about this topic, Tom knew. Boyfriend instincts, he called them, but really, he was just a caring and observant person.
You tried not to break down over it, you really did, but a girl could only go on for so long before it all bursts out. Luckily, Tom pulls you right in, telling you to let it all out.
Although the world was filled with childish and hurtful beings, Tom Blyth was still who he was, a gentleman, attending to your every needs.
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tomblyth really dgaf if you like my girlfriend or not cause i do and that’s all that matters
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user5 im cryinf the polaroid he has of her
user6 YES REAL MEN STAND UP FOR THEIR GFS
user7 ALL THE PICS HE HAS OF HER 🥹🥹
tomblythswife oh to be yn avocot and be loved by tom blyth
rachelzegler tell ‘em 🙊
user8 she doesn’t even comment on the posts he makes abt her, so self centered lol
➥ ynuser I’m right next to him rn?? cant say the same thing about you “lol”
➥ user9 OH SHE ATE YOU UP @/user8
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tomblyth_daily here are some clips of tom talking about his relationship in his new interview! GET YOU A MAN THATS LIKE TOM BLYTH 🗣️🗣️🗣️
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user10 the way he’s so passionate when talking about her and being a good boyfriend, God I hate being single
user11 “they’re not even that cute” STFU AND GO WATCH THIS INTERVIEW CAUSE ??
user12 tom blyth said put aside your nonchalant attitudes, im looking at YOU MEN 🫵🫵
ilovetomblyth he’s so boyfriend it actually hurts
user13 yn must’ve saved a continent in her past life to be dating tom blyth omg
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ynuser girls, before you have a meltdown over a boy: think of what balleona laurent would do. kiss and manipulate coriolanus!
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tomblyth you kiss and manipulate me too
➥ ynuser you’re gonna get me CANCELLED
user14 literal unbothered icon i love her
user15 if i were her id post a tiktok with that audio “he chose me he don’t want you”
iloveyn SHES SO FUNNY
lionsgate us when behind the scenes photo of balleona 😻
➥ user16 lmao stop who’s the admin of lionsgate
user17 balleona is such a bad person but oh is she hot
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tomblyth she was like a shot of espresso
tagged @/ynuser
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ynuser i love u more than words can describe blyth
user18 ok who’s cutting onions
user19 GIRLS, GUYS, THEY THEMS, STOP SETTLING FOR BARE MINIMUM WHEN TOM BLYTH LITERALLY CALLED HIS GF A SHOT OF ESPRESSO, GIVES HER FLOWERS EVERYDAY, AND TALKS ABT HER ALL THE TIME IN HIS INTERVIEWS
➥ user20 YELL IT HARDER SISTER 👐👐👐
user21 this is so dark academica im inlove with u guys
user22 parentssss
rachelzegler my favorites
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ynuser SNOW LANDS ON TOP LOSERS
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tomblyth yn, i love you but
➥ user23 LMFAOO when he doesn’t finish his sentence
user24 the second pic thank u yn
joshandresrivera on top of u maybe
➥ user25 IM DYING OML
user26 thank you to lionsgate for casting the most hottest villain couple ever
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torpublishinggroup · 6 months
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"Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You!" by TJ Klune
(Legally, I’m required to tell you that when smart phones first became popular, I bought one and then asked for the address of the app store because I thought it was a physical location I had to go to in order to download apps and not something already on your phone. Also, I was recently told I speak like an old person so as a warning, there will not be any slang you youths typically hear, especially on Tumblr. Any slang I’ve learned in the last five years has been against my will. I still don’t know what FOMO means, and I don’t care.)
1. Oh no! You and your family are trying to enjoy a movie night, but Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) wants a sacrifice at the altar of their god, BeeZos. Should this happen, do not attempt to give Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) a cantaloupe with googly-eyes on it and say that it is your baby. Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) knows the difference between fruit and children. Instead, ask the machine to order dog food, and it will forget about eating humans for a little while.
2. If you own a very fancy vehicle that can drive itself, always make sure to carry a brick. That way, when the car locks you inside and attempts to drive you off a cliff into a gas station, you can break the window using the brick. You will then have to jump out, but make sure you do so in time so you can watch the wicked-ass explosion when the car hits the gas station, and you can revel in your victory over your car.
3. This one will hurt. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Chances are, you’re reading this on your phone right this second. To be safe, after you’ve finished reading this post and have clicked on the affiliated links to purchase my books, you should throw your phone into a volcano and then move to South Dakota where there are no machines, only wind and cows. That way, when everyone else gets the 5GZombieVirus that people on Twitter (I’m not calling it the other thing, shut up) seem to think is real, you’ll be safe with your cows on a windy day.
4. Get rid of your air fryer. Don’t ask me why, just do it. Red flags all around. Danger, danger.
5. Do you know of the Clapper? That thing first launched in the late 20th century (I wrote it that way to make me feel old) where the commercials showed cranky old people unable to reach their light switches, so they got a thing called a Clapper that turns your lights on and off when you clap? Guess what? Those will be the first things to try and kill you. If you love your gram-gram, save her from the Clapper. When she asks why you are destroying it with an ax, tell gram-gram it’s because you love her.
6. Do you live in a smart home? The kind where everything is connected to the internet, including your refrigerator? The refrigerator that holds your perishable foods? And oh, would you look at that: how many ice cubes have you kicked under it rather than picking them up when they fall to the floor? A dozen? A million? The refrigerator remembers. And it will spoil your food in seconds. What then? What are you going to eat? Canned food? Not if the refrigerator falls on top of you!
Unfortunately for you, this is where it must end. I hope this has given you enough information to help you survive the inevitable. If you do not heed my warnings, well. Who cares. I’m not in charge of you. Do whatever you want. Just don’t come complaining to me when gram-gram gets the clap.
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certaimromance · 3 months
Text
𝜗𝜚 Theoretically Yours.
Spencer Reid x Fem!reader
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Summary: After a series of murders at your university, the FBI has decided to give you a bodyguard. The problem is that he is extremely cute and can hardly protect himself, especially from you and your charms.
Words: 1,9k.
TW: mentions of murder, crime, blood (normal warnings in the serie) and also a plot twist???. spicy insinuations. spencer from the first seasons. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).
Note: I'm really excited about this, I love Spencer Reid in all seasons, but in the early ones he had something different that drove me crazy. Also, this is the first time I write here and I'm nervous.
♡ Enjoy! ♡
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It was supposed to be a normal day, but agents showed up at your door to stop you from going to class and left you under the watchful eye of the youngest of them, Dr. Spencer Reid. It was a precaution to protect you from the killer who has been stalking the campus, killing girls with similar profiles to yours.
You weren't afraid and insisted that it wasn't necessary until you saw him. The mere thought of spending time alone with the man made you more excited than you would have liked. He was very tall, skinny and could barely look you in the eye for more than five seconds without looking away absolutely blushing.
You had decided not to talk to him or act suspicious, but for some reason you liked the idea of him helping you with your biology homework. You were studying pre-med at the behest of your parents and were having trouble understanding some of the material. Spencer saved your life when he offered to help you and told you about his multiple doctorates.
“You are amazing, like a genius.” You said in surprise when he read the big book you had on the table in just five minutes and left a bunch of notes in it.
He blushed again, trying to adjust his glasses to hide it so it wouldn't show. Reid was doing his best to be professional and not let his guard down, he had to be vigilant in case you were in danger.
“It's nothing. I hope it helps you.” He said, giving you a little smile.
You nod and look at the television behind him. They were airing a new report on the latest murders, showing photos of the victims and interviews with family members. Everyone cried and repeated how unfair it was to lose their prodigy daughters to a madman. You thought about how they made such a simple TV show about spilled blood without thinking about it, just trying to paint the girls who had tormented you for several years as white doves.
“Don't worry, you're safe here. I can promise that.” Spencer spoke as he followed your gaze. He was trying to comfort you and take away any fear with his presence.
“I know.” You smile at him with innocence. You were more than capable of protecting yourself and you knew it.
There was an awkward moment of silence, so you offered him coffee to break it. You went to the kitchen and poured two cups, watching from afar as he talked on the phone in the meantime. You couldn't help but notice the nervousness in his voice as he repeated to his colleagues that all was well with you.
“She's pretty, isn't she?” Penelope's voice rang through the phone in Reid's ear and sent shivers down his spine. “I saw some pictures in internet.”
“I...maybe...yes.” He mumbled, trying not to let you hear him. "How does that matter or help the case?"
As you used the coffeepot, Spencer looked you over from head to toe. He couldn't deny how attractive you were and how much his heart raced when you were around. His extreme lack of flirting skills and his clear differences with you saved him from the temptation you were.
“Just have fun, lover boy. You need it.” The woman smiled proudly and hung up the call before he could answer.
The two poured cups were already on the table, you sat down on the sofa by the window to start reading the notes he had left in your medical book. His impeccable handwriting made you shudder, it was unbelievable that someone with so much knowledge would waste time trying to take care of you from yourself and not even realize it.
“You're okay?” He asked with a soft voice, sitting in front of you.
“Yes, just reading your notes.”
“Sorry, I put too many. But I can mark the important ones for you.” He gently took the book from your hands and began to place himself between the paragraphs with one of his fingers.
Your eyes fell on his hands, the way he moved them over the pages of the book bringing inappropriate thoughts to your mind. You hadn't noticed before how perfect every part of him seemed, especially now that he was spouting complex biological terms without even flinching. You were aware of your own intelligence and proud of it, but you would have liked to be like him...or at least have him around.
“Is something wrong?” He asked confused as he noticed how you had been watching him.
“Sorry. I was thinking of biology...nothing better to look at to understand the theory.” You said to justify your indiscretion.
“Oh sure, it helps. According to several studies, the human being has three main systems for perceiving information: visual, auditory and kinesthetic.” He began to explain quickly. “This theory was put forward in 1988.”
“Maybe that can help me.” You suggested, trying to look away from him.
He nods and start to talking again.
“You were watching, that was visual. And you heard me talking before, that was auditory.”
“And what is kinesthetic?” You asked, even though you knew what the answer was.
Spencer swallowed before speaking, trying to hide his nervousness at the sudden change in tone of the conversation. He was glad to know that he had been able to turn the situation around and put the recent crimes out of his mind, he had been worried that they would affect you.
“Is what is learned through sensation and movement.” He finally said with his voice trembling slightly.
“Can I...?” You try to ask, but he nods before you can finish the sentence.
You stop looking into his eyes and take his hand, put it on your legs and start tracing lines with your finger over his scarred veins. You could feel him shudder every time you touched him, and his mutterings about the technical names of each became inaudible.
“This is the radial artery, provides oxygenated blood to the hands and fingers.” You start to talking, looking him to the eyes again and letting your hand enjoy the softness of his.
“Yes...yeah, it is.” His voice came out as a whisper, as if he was losing control of the situation. No one had ever touched him in such a way before.
The smell of coffee mixed with his cologne is almost addictive and begins to drive you crazy. Just touching his hands was not enough, something inside you wanted more and the ideas running through your head began to torment you. You knew it wasn't right and that your own sanity was in jeopardy, he was one of the good guys and you not so much. It just wasn't right for you to mix, let alone under the current circumstances.
“I should check the perimeter.” Spencer rose from his seat and slowly moved his hand away from yours. He need to go away before something incorrect happened.
All the words were caught in your throat at that moment. You didn't want him to walk away yet.
“It's not necessary.” You got up after him, preventing him from walking to the door and being able to leave. “Everyone is in their classes now, the residence is empty and your coffee is going to get cold.”
Spencer knew you were right. He couldn't go against logic, so he sat back down on one of the couches and took a sip of the coffee you had poured for him. He did his best to avoid your gaze, but it was impossible when you were looking out the window and absentmindedly sipping your coffee.
“Do you think they'll find the killer?” You asked, trying to make conversation after watching through the glass as police cruisers drove around campus.
“Of course, no one else will have to get hurt and everything will be back to normal for you.” He replied without taking his eyes off you.
“I don't think you get to decide that.” You blurt out without thinking.
The phrase and your tone were enough to make him stand up and walk towards you. He put a hand on your shoulder out of inertia, to give you support and reassure you a little.
“You don't need to be afraid.” He gave you a small reassuring smile and you felt the warmth of his touch.
You took a tentative step toward him, shortening the distance between your bodies. You raised your gaze to meet his, feeling at his mercy because of the difference in height. You weren't thinking too hard and didn't hesitate to put your hand on his cheek, caressing it.
“What are you doing?” He asked, trying not to get carried away by your touch.
“To thank you for being here and helping me.” You had a burst of courage and stood on tiptoe to give him a resounding kiss on the cheek.
Then you moved your face far enough away to look at him and see his blush. He looked so affected by a simple kiss on the cheek that you couldn't help but move closer again, this time with his fingers on your chin.
“You can't. We can't.” He stopped the approach just a couple of inches from their lips colliding.
“Why? Because I'm part of your job?” You questioned in frustration, unable to tear your eyes away from his mouth.
“I'm here to keep you safe.” He tried to sound calm and professional, though his voice trembled.
“I'm very safe now.” You assured him, grabbing his arms and wrapping them around your waist. “No one can hurt me here.”
Without Spencer being able to notice, a small moan escaped him at your action.
“There's a killer on the loose.” He insisted, trying to be the voice of reason even though he couldn't look away from your lips.
“Trust me, a kiss won't bring him here. I'm sure of it.” You replied as you noticed him slowly pulling away from you.
A curse tried to come out of your mouth at the rejection and lack of his touch at your waist, but before you could finish it, his lips were on yours and his hands were pressing you against him.
His lips were as soft as his hands, but the way they moved over yours was not soft at all. At first, even his tongue seemed to ask your permission to continue. It took several seconds of clear acceptance before the uncertainty of his kiss disappeared and was replaced by need.
You took advantage of the fact that you were in front of the big couch to push him off and you both fell on top of him, having only a few seconds to catch your breath before continuing. He gave you a quick, tender kiss before pulling his hands away from your back to remove his glasses, which were already fogged up and out of place. But your hand stopped him just before he could put them down on the table.
“Do not take off your glasses. I really like them.” You whispered still over his mouth.
“As you wish.” He said before kissing you again and letting himself enjoy himself under you, without thinking about anything else.
At that moment you knew that maybe committing a few more murders to keep him around wasn't such a bad idea.
2K notes · View notes
iamred-iamyellow · 2 months
Text
⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Close To You
♥ masterlist
♥ pairing: oscar piastri x lily zneimer x f!singer!webber!reader
♥ synopsis: as the daughter of mark webber you got to know oscar piastri pretty quick and soon enough the two of you were dating. no one had known that you both were also dating lily, leading everyone to believe the leaked pictures of her and Oscar was evidence he was cheating on you. they couldn’t have been more wrong
♥ smau - fc: gracie abrams - none of the pictures are mine
♥ warnings: swearing and hate comments !!!
♥ a/n: my first poly fic! ty to bestie liz and cleo for hyping me up <3
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liked by aussiegrit, oliviarodrigo, taylorswift and 656,305 more
y/n.webber channel that sad energy into a song queen
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user8 hope you're doing well 💛
user3 ilyy
user6 pls shes so unserious 😭
user5 that's so real
user9 wait so did her and her boyfriend break up?
user2 I'm pretty sure. everyone's been speculating it and they haven't been seen together in a long time
user1 is she making a new album ???
user10 liv and tay in the likess 🫶
user7 I still can't believe she's mark's daughter omggg
user12 those family genetics 😍
user2 we love you <3
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liked by oscarpiastri, oliviarodrigo, and 583,694 more
y/n.webber cut my hair in the way that i've wanted
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user9 change my number and bury my wallet !!!
user8 augusta <3
user12 LOVE
mclarenf1 we'll see you at the GP
y/n.webber <3
user10 shut up y/n is gonna be there?
user6 I thought she had a concert that day?
user1 @/user6 she has one the night before :)
user5 no bc how is she so pretty
user13 oscar in the likes 👀
user7 GORGEOUS
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liked by y/n.webber, user7, user12 and 502,669 more
f1gossip mark, y/n, and oscar are ready for the australian grand prix
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y/n.webber @/aussiegrit I'm starting to think you like Oscar more than me :(
oscarpiastri he does ❤️
yourusername 🖕
user8 now kiss
user14 enemies to lovers
user4 my favorite australian trio
user1 why'd he have to shave his beard 😔
user9 THE CAT
user2 oscar and mark pookie off
user10 everyone pray for an oscar home race podium
user3 🕯️oscar home race win 🕯️
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liked by oscarpiastri, aussiegrit, and 703,562 more
y/n.webber date night <3
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user7 I love how she doesn't even have to tell us she's dating oscar because we all just know
user9 THEM WATCHING TANGLED 😭🫶
user3 oscar getting her lilies :')
y/n.webber actually I got him lilies
oscarpiastri 🧡
*liked by original poster*
user4 this is the cutest shit I've ever seen
user1 mark in the likesss looks like oscar has the stamp of approval
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liked by y/n.webber, aussiegrit, and 750,683 more
oscarpiastri lando crashed our date
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landonorris I did not "crash" your date I just happened to be there.
oscarpiastri as if you didn't follow us
y/n.webber @/landonorris you LITERALLY crashed into the back of my kart
mclarenf1 lando we talked about your internet stalking problem.
user8 PLEASE 💀
user6 why'd they have to call him out like that 😭
user2 the admins are my favorite part of the f1 cinematic universe
-A Few Months Later-
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liked by aarondessner, taylorswift, and 984,059 more
y/n.webber The Secret Of Us is out now! The songs on this album are a collection of my life these past few months and I’m so excited to share them with you all. Special thank you to @/aarondessner and @/taylorswift I love you both 💛
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user1 I hope she rips oscar to shreds
user7 y/n better than revenge era
user9 !!!
user3 girl you can do so much better than o***r
user12 I'm so ready to scream and cry to this
user2 I cannot believe he cheated on her
user16 out of all the guys on the grid OSCAR?!?!
user11 kitten I'll be honest I'm still not over good riddance 😔
user8 LMAO
user9 so true 😭
user15 hyped af for the taylor collab
user16 the fact that she's the daughter of mark, the man who supported him since day one and he STILL cheated on her is CRAZYY
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liked by taylorswift, oliviarodrigo, and 985,750 more
y/n.webber throwback to my time at last year's era's tour. I'm so glad to be back 🩷
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taylorswift were so glad to have you <3
*liked by original poster*
oliviarodrigo miss youuu
yourusername I miss you too babes
user9 "and you knew my last love let me down" OSCARRRRAHHH
user7 AND I BET HES AT HER PLACE RIGHT NOW
user10 I'm so excited to see you
user16 he fumbled so hard
user4 we love you <3
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liked by oscarpiastri, lilyzneimer, and 1,194,203 more
y/n.webber I understand that, without my agreement, @/f1gossip put out a post a week ago that said Oscar Piastri was cheating on me. This is wrong and I am in a happy relationship with both Oscar and Lily. He did not cheat on me. 
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lilyzneimer I love you 🩷
y/n.webber I love you more
user7 😨
user1 I'm not even sure what to say
user12 I'm so sorry oscar we weren't familiar with your game 😭
user3 I-
user6 in true bi panic fashion
user4 FUCK 😭
user19 everyone say sorry Oscar
user2 sorry oscar
user5 we're sorry Oscar :(
user13 WE DIDN'T KNOW WE SWEAR
user10 sorry Oscar 😔
user21 💖💜💙
user23 the @ is such a boss bitch move
user8 saying sorry to Oscar online isn't enough I need to revoke my statements in a court of law
user7 same
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liked by lilyzneimer, y/n.webber, alexandrasaintmleux and 884,472 more oscarpiastri flowers for my favs 💐
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y/n.webber my loves 🩷
lilyzneimer 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
user7 my favorite throuple
user23 as if you weren't hating on oscar yesterday
user7 and I am deeply ashamed
user12 we said we're sorry :(
user6 yea oscar x lily x y/n are cute but wheres mark x fernando x taylor
user9 as in swift? 😭
user6 yes.
alexandrasaintmleux you three are so cute
y/n.webber <3
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tiredsadpeach · 1 year
Text
Update they both hate me because I told the child one of them was harassing the acc he could block to try and stop it
#I knew they’d find out tbh and idc their reaction is all I need to know#the one that was harassing a minor is the same one someone said was a piece of shit when the psychiatrist stuff was happening#her bf stood by and watched her harass his friend like they’re both vague tweeting that oh well she didn’t know his age man idc the age just#made me more angry the fact that you did it in the first place is fucked up it always has been and y’all both know I think that#if y’all tweeted about not liking someone on priv and that was it I wouldn’t care#but it’s the constant pqrting because you know it’ll upset that person and give anxiety etc that makes it harassment and makes me mad#and now they’re both tweeting things like oh well you shouldn’t be following him at your big age how dare you disrespect us#an adult just knowing a minor is not a bad thing like holy shit get off the Internet please#plus I couldn’t message without following so I followed in hopes to be mutuals so I could warn him but I shouldn’t have to have an excuse#following isn’t some intimate thing y’all just wanna hate me more#she also tweeted about how I lied (I didn’t) and that she’d expose me#like for what? being a bad friend like two years ago? when we talked it out I fully agreed that yeah I shouldn’t have talked about those#topics etc bro I literally said there was no excuse and I’m sorry it all happened but it’s pretty obvious I have grown and changed to be#better you can’t expose me when I have receipts of me taking responsibility and doing what I could to show I was wrong#and I’m sorry how is trying to protect a minor who you are harassing the thing that drives you away for good#did I disrespect a toxic relationship oh no how dare I y’all need to get help friends of your partner shouldn’t be harassed just because bpd#jealousy like I have bpd too I really hate some of my bf’s friends and wish he wouldn’t talk to them but what do I do about it? nothing#i distract myself maybe but I know if I do what I want yknow like telling my bf to stop being friends with someone I know I’d be in the wron#and I know he should break up with me etc etc like that doesn’t mean I don’t have these thoughts which sure aren’t healthy but at least I’m#not fucking acting on them like at least give yourself a safe outlet idc when you just tweet about it on priv most of the time but this pqrt#shit has to stop if you wanna stay my friend I’m obviously at my limit with how y’all are both so content with how toxic y’all’s relationshi#is and won’t do anything about it to the point minors are being harassed but oh it’s okay I didn’t know and I stopped when I knew#how can you watch your bf harass a friend of yours just because y’all ARE FRIENDS god it’s so infuriating#she never apologized for the psychiatrist stuff btw lmao#I know they both want a reaction out of me so I’ll act first and apologize or something but I just don’t care anymore#I’m done man like that Drake and Josh episode but fuck Drake bell btw#kinda hope next time I open twt I’m blocked since they want a reaction so bad#like nah I’m tweeting like nothing happened because y’all really showed your priorities and morals#maybe y’all should do what your bpd tweets have been saying and just have eachother y’all don’t need anyone else
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5sospenguinqueen · 4 months
Text
Growing Pains | Oscar Piastri x Reader
Summary: When fans begin commenting about your future plans, Oscar begins to worry that your long-term relationship is preventing you from truly experiencing life. 
Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Self-sacrificing Oscar haha. Childhood sweethearts
Female reader with various faceclaims. Pics found on Pinterest.
2023 season
Less baby-fever, more baby panic haha. I'm so sorry if these aren't as baby-centered as the others. I've been trying to make them a little different.
Main Masterlist
next.
━━━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━━━
YourUserName just posted
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, danielricciardo and others
YourUserName i love weekends off with you <3
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oscarpiastri you didn’t post the one of me with my face in the water? that is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me
→ YourUserName only because your ass was in the air and i’m the only one allowed to see that 
→ oscarpiastri oh
→ landonorris @ oscarpiastri well, now you’ve told the internet that it exists, we need to see it
→ User1 lando is one of us 
danielricciardo i’m still your favourite australian though, right? 
→ YourUserName no. i’m my own favourite australian
→ oscarpiastri you tell ‘em, sweetheart 
→ User2 SWEETHEART!!!
User3 i know they’re only young but when can we expect a wedding
→ User4 they’ve been together for long enough. they’re practically already married at this point
→ User5 their wedding would be so cute. can you imagine all the f1 appearances we would get? 
→ User6 mark webber in a tux 🤤
mclaren our favourite young couple
→ landonorris hey! 
→ mclaren you and daniel don’t count anymore
→ danielricciardo hey! 
User7 papaya wedding when? 
oscarpiastri just posted
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liked by mclaren, charles_leclerc and others
oscarpiastri my favourite girl 💕
2,664 comments
YourUserName don’t let suzie hear you say that. she’ll be distraught
→ oscarpaistri maybe you should drive her more and she’ll love me less
→ YourUserName whoa, i thought this was an appreciation post for me, why are you throwing shade
→ landonorris why would she drive her own car when she has you to do it for her?
→ YourUserName exactly! 
→ User9 wait, suzie is a car? i was hoping they had a pet or something we didn’t know about 
User10 the disrespect to have lando’s # on her back but be stood in front of oscar’s garage 
logansargeant yet i suggest she support driver #2 and i had holes poked in all my juice boxes 
→ oscarpiastri you can never prove that was me
→ YourUserName i have video footage
landonorris everyone can relax, she’s wearing the shirt because she lost a bet. oscar was a good sport about it 
→ YourUserName i got soooo many dirty looks that day. the fans did not like me
→ oscarpiastri i still think you’re beautiful. not as beautiful with MY number splashed only our back but
→ YourUserName you know 81 is my favourite number
→ YourUserName (and sometimes 16)
→ charles_leclerc forza ferrari
User11 the fact that they fell in love during the most awkward years of a person’s life and have continued to love each other when they got hot
→ User12 they saw the potential in each other 
User13 the fact that he’s loved you since you were 14 and continues to love you more each day 🥹
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YourUserName just posted
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liked by racerbia, alex_albon and others 
YourUserName i’m so proud of you, osc. another podium in a long-line of many. thank you for sharing your joy and success with me. 🧡🧡
when i befriended the nerdy 12 year old who wouldn’t stop talking about engines, i never imagined that you would be dragging me around the world. don’t get me wrong, i always believed you would make it this far. i just thought i would’ve managed to break free from you before then 😂 however, i’m so glad i didn’t because you are my favouritest guy in the whole world, and seeing you on that podium made me cry more than watching the supernatural series finale 
1,220 comments
YourUserName oh, and well done to lando on P3, i guess
→ landonorris you guess???
User1 time for another round of: is he looking at lando or y/n in the 3rd pic?
→ landonorris it was y/n this time :( 
→ YourUserName you get loads of pics of him looking at you like this, let me have my moment
oscarpiastri thank you for coming with me around the world and supporting me no matter what. you’ve been one of my biggest supporters these past 8 years and i don’t think i could’ve done it without you by my side. i love you so much, even if i come second to dean winchester 🧡🤍
→ User2 P2 in your relationship as well
→ oscarpiastri only because y/n is p1
→ YourUserName stop making me love you more and more each day. i might explodeeeee
User3 my parents. i need them to adopt me because they’re just so cute 
User4 drenched in champagne is a good look for piastri 
thisisnotyn the pirelli cap needs to stay on during sex 
→ User5 is this y/n’s secret account 
landonorris this is so cute. excuse me whilst i puke
maxverstappen1 a delight to share the podium with your boyfriend for the 2nd time
→ User6 y/n’s boyfriend and y/n’s boyfriend’s boyfriend on the podium with max 2x in a row 
→ YourUserName omg max verstappen commented on my post! you’re like my favourite driver ever
→ oscarpiastri you agreed not to mention this in public
→ charles_leclerc @ YourUserName i thought it was me
→ landonorris i thought it was me
→ fernandoalo_official jokes on all of you, she told me it was me
→ aussiegrit you're all wrong. it's me
User7 if you guys are after a third, i’m free?
→ User8 how could you say this to the cutest couple on the grid
→ User9!because y/n has said worse and is more unhinged than we think but oscar’s pr manager has gotten to her recently 
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User10 i’m gonna have to agree with @ OscarPastryyy just because they’ve been together forever doesn’t change the fact that they’re still young
User11 yeah they’ve been together for a while but that doesn’t mean that having children is their only option. they’re still technically children themselves 
NicolePiastri he doesn’t know how to do his own washing. trust me, he’s not ready for children. Y/N on the other hand, has been keeping that boy alive since they were 12
→ User12 nobody humbles an f1 racer more than mama piastri 
User13 @ CHICKEN!! is so real for that. max is only 4 years old than them and yet everyone talks about him, kelly and P being a family and when are him and kelly getting married, but y/n and oscar have been together for longer than kelly has been a mother so… 
User14 i think people only focus on their age and forget about their experience. i went to school with them and they still act just as infatuated with each other now as they did when they were 14.
→ User15 but they’ve also only been with each other. perhaps they should try dating other people before committing to the rest of their lives 
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YourUserName just posted
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liked by aussiegrit, logansargeant and others
YourUserName quando a Roma 🇮🇹❤️ tagged: YourBFF, YourBFF2
1,009 comments
YourBFF i told you that pic of you by the fountain would look amazing
→ YourBFF2 i think if we pumped another cocktail in her, she’d have gone swimming in it
→ YourUserName stop making me sound like a sloppy drunk
→ YourBFF you were sloppy anyway 
→ YourUserName bitch
→ YourBFF2 it’s part of being in your 20s. welcome! 
��� YourUserName not funny. 
User1 guys, oscar hasn’t commented. he always comments on posts with her in, even if they’re posted by friends/family 
mclaren orange drinks to support your favourite f1 team this weekend?
→ YourUserName you know it. papaya pride! 
→ YourBFF2 she actually said that to herself when she took the pic. you’ve indoctrinated her
lilymhe cute post but you’re coming to sichuan with me next
→ YourUserName just name a date and time, and i’m yours
→ alex_albon what is it with you and stealing f1 drivers’ partners 
→ YourUserName i think that just means i have the most rizz 
User2 you mean to tell me that she’s in rome the weekend that oscar is all the way in america? so, she’s not going to be at the race 🤔
→ User3 she doesn’t have to go to every one
→ User4 i know but she’s said loads of times that she tries to make all of them
User5 all of you calling y/n a bad girlfriend but are we forgetting that they’ve already been together for 8 years, and have known each for 10. they’re at the point where they don’t have to be glued to the hip all the time
→ User6 literally. like they’ve been together longer than some of the married couples on the grid 
→ User7 yeah but it’s just unlike them. how do they go from being infatuated with each other to distancing within 2 weeks without there being some cause? it wasn’t a natural progression
logansargeant i can’t believe you didn’t bring me back a gift.. you said you would
→ YourUserName i also said i’d wear a williams t-shirt one race but we all know that ain’t happening
→ User8 is this logan shooting his shot? 
alexandrasaintmleux i knew that would dress would look good on you. you look radiant 
→ YourUserName my favourite shopping partner 
→ charles_leclerc my girl has good taste
→ YourUserName not if she’s dating you 
→ charles_leclerc you have hurted my feelings 
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User9 y/n hasn’t been able to terrorise oscar on social media and it’s showing because sis has been dragging the grid in their comments haha
→ User10 she’s so funny. i bet they’re fearful anytime her name pops up in their notifs 
User11 i love how we all sound insane to other people but us oscy/n stans know we’re right because they’ve been a constant media presence since his f2 days 
User13 i hate to say it but what if we’re the reason they broke up? we couldn't stop talking about them getting married and having kids lately, and what if it freaked them out… 
User14 i can’t imagine oscar piastri without y/n y/l/n. i only really follow f1, not f2 but he’s always been oscar and y/n since he started. it would be akin to not seeing him in mclaren 
mclaren just posted
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mclaren get you a teammate who looks at you the way these two look at each other #unitedstatesgp
1,559 comments
oscarpiastri 🧡
racerbia team papaya! 🧡
User1 poor oscar, such a shame he had to retire after minimal contact
User2 not to be that person but it was defo because y/n wasn’t there. she’s his good luck charm 
YourUserName well done lando! 
User3 anyone else getting more and more confused by oscar and y/n’s relationship purely because of their media presence
→ User3 for info, she posts that she’s in rome the weekend he is in america, proving that she isn't attending the race. oscar likes the post but doesn’t comment despite y/n looking beautiful in that post (1/4)
→ User3 then she’s not spotted in the paddock, further proving that she’s defo not at the race. plus, whenever oscar was asked about her during interviews, lando quickly changed the topic for him (2/4)
→ User3 then oscar crashes and y/n doesn’t post ANYTHING about the race but when he dnf’d in bahrain and belgium, she put numerous posts on her story about how proud of him she was (3/4)
→ User3 and now she congratulates lando on the mclaren post but doesn’t even mention her long-term boyfriend?? (4/4)
→ User4 you have too much time on your hands and are reading too much into things. i’m sure she’s facetimed him to see how he’s doing and told him she’s proud of him 
User5 okay but if a man looked at me the way oscar and lando look at each other, i would marry him on the spot 
danielricciardo @ oscarpiastri first your girlfriend tries stealing my seat, and now you’re stealing my lando. you two are giving aussie's a bad name
→ landonorris you’re the only for me, boo
→ danielricciardo don’t lie. the pictures show everything 
User6 i miss when we couldn't tell if he was looking at lando or y/n like that. now we know it’s lando because y/n isn’t in the paddock 
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Note: Their texts at the end kinda resolve things (and, yes, he crumbled after just one race without y/n) so let me know if you want a Part 2 showing their future? As he doesn't really need a redemption so no Part 2 planned as of yet.
As always, requests are welcome!
GUESS WHAT’S COMING NEXT WEEK!!
A Lando x Plus Size Reader
I’m kidding. (I’m not. I am actually releasing that) but also Danny Ric Baby Fever Part2!!!!
Baby Fever Angst
Daniel's Version | Max's Version | Lando's Version
Lance's Version | Charles' Version
Tag list
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