#watch me change my mind and delete this and pretend nothing happened

[anew-flame]

Heads up, y’all, I might do some serious reorganizing which could involve me changing both my pfp and username.

I originally created this blog with the intention of it being for 1 OC in 1 fandom, but I’ve outgrown it by 3 or 4 OCs that I also like to use for more than one fandom. Concurrently. As well as use this as a general fandom/other stuff I like kinda-blog. Which is a tagging nightmare.

Because there is something inherently wrong with me, and as a slut for organization and categorizing, my solution is potentially using side-blogs to simplify everything for me.

The plan would be to switch this blog url from Rhaella-Rhavelli to anew-flame.

I’ve decided to make a side-blog for each of my OCs, which will maybe encourage me to post their stuff more but who knows but I’m undecided about using the Rhaella-Rhavelli url for OC-of-the-same-name designated side-blog.

This blog, to become anew-flame if I continue, would be my general fandom stuff and other things. Still reblogging all the same stuff, to include DA and Arcana fandom, but I’m opening it up for lots of other stuff now too 😌

My other side blog, @bob-loblaws-reblogs-blog’s fate is undecided right now.

Anyway, just FYI in case y’all don’t recognize me on your dashes in the next few days!

[snowysosturn]

Blowing Smoke - Matt Sturniolo

Pairing: y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n realizes her relationship with Matt has grown distant and hollow. After struggling to hold on, she sends a final goodbye message, accepting it's over. Trying to move on from a relationship while dealing with contrasting feelings of jealousy and freedom when thinking about Matt's new romantic interests.

Warnings: toxic relationship, breakup, jealousy

I sat on my couch, staring at the TV, but I wasn’t really watching. The soft flicker of the screen cast shadows across the living room, but the sound was muted. My phone was in my lap, the screen dim, notifications silent. I could still hear the last voicemail Matt left, the one I hadn’t been able to delete yet. His voice had been even, calm, like nothing was wrong. But I almost felt it echo in my apartment.

"Just wanted to check in. Miss you" he had said, the words almost mechanical.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the burning ache in my chest. The truth was, I wasn’t sure what he missed, because lately, it felt like we were just pretending everything was fine. The version of "us" I had built up in my mind had begun to unravel, but every time I thought of confronting it, I backed away, lying to myself that things would get better if I just waited.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, the weight of it all pressing down. I’d been holding onto something that was already slipping through my fingers.

The texts were sporadic now, and the calls even less frequent. Sometimes, when Matt did reach out, it felt like he was doing it out of obligation, out of some sense of duty to the version of us that used to be. I could hear it in his voice, the way his words lacked the warmth they once had, the way he filled the silences with meaningless chatter. There was no depth anymore. It was like we were both trying to keep up the illusion, neither willing to face what was actually happening.

I unlocked my phone and opened our iMessages. The last message was from a week ago. A simple "Sorry, busy this weekend." from Matt, with no explanation, no attempt to reschedule. I’d responded with an ��okay” not wanting to push him. I knew he wasn’t busy. He just wasn’t bothered. But now, staring at that single word, I hated it. I hated how passive I had become. I had let this whole thing drag on for weeks, maybe even months, hoping at some point Matt would realise what we were losing.

But deep down, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Matt wasn’t going to change his ways. There was no more effort he was going to put into this. He brought so much baggage into our relationship, baggage I was willing to work through. But I can’t do it all for him. Sure, he might call or send a text now and then, but the emotional connection was severed. What we had before was gone, and I had been too scared to admit it.

It hadn’t always been like this. When we first met, things were easy. We clicked in a way that made me feel like I’d found someone who really understood me, someone who saw me for who I was. The late night talks, the spontaneous road trips, the quiet moments where we didn’t need to say anything at all. We spoke about our hopes and dreams, about our previous relationships, I opened up about how past partners have always seemed to let me down, and he took that opportunity to make me believe he would never do the same. I'd never felt so sure of something in my life. It fit the fantasy I always had.

But now? He just felt pretentious. Now it felt like I was constantly trying to reach him, but he was always just out of my grasp. Every time I tried to get him to open up, he’d brush me off with a joke, or worse, with silence. And the more he pulled away, the harder I tried to hold on. I was chasing something that no longer existed, and I was starting to hate myself for it.

I stood up, pacing the small space of my living room. I walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back slightly, looking out at the empty street below. The night was still, the air thick with humidity. I wanted to scream, to shake Matt, to make him see that we couldn’t keep pretending anymore. But I couldn’t. Every time I had the chance to bring it up, I chickened out, afraid that if I said the words aloud, it would make everything real.

I wanted to believe that he thought about me, that he missed me, that he was just as torn up inside as I was. But with each passing day, it became harder to convince myself of that. The Matt I knew - the one who used to make me laugh until my stomach hurt, who sent stupid memes in the middle of the day just to make me smile, was gone. Or maybe he had never really been there, and I had just been seeing what I wanted to see.

I knew what I had to do, and hoped it wouldn’t hurt as much as I thought it would losing Matt, but losing the version of myself that had existed when we were together. I wouldn’t miss the girl who didn’t second guess every word, every action, who didn’t feel like she was constantly on the edge of falling apart.

I grabbed my phone again, my fingers trembling as I opened his contact. I didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t know what I wanted to say. But I needed to say something.

Hey. Can we talk? I typed, then stared at the message for a long moment before hitting send.

My heart pounded in my chest as I waited, staring at the phone like it might explode. The seconds dragged on, stretching into minutes. No reply.

I let out a shaky breath, feeling the familiar sting of rejection settle in. I tossed the phone onto the couch and sank down beside it, pulling my knees to my chest once more.

I wished I could tell him how I really felt. That I was terrified of losing him. That the thought of not being with him made my chest ache in a way I couldn’t explain. But I also knew that if I said those things, it wouldn’t change anything. Matt would still be distant, still slipping further away, and all my words would do was confirm what we both already knew: that this was ending, and neither of us had the strength to stop it.

Hours passed, the night slipping away as I lay on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. My phone buzzed, and I scrambled to grab it, my heart leaping into my throat.

But it wasn’t Matt. It was my best friend, Emma.

You up? the text read.

I stared at the message, debating whether to reply. I didn’t really feel like talking, but at the same time, I couldn’t bear to be alone with my thoughts any longer. So I texted back a quick Yeah, what’s up?

A minute later, Emma’s name lit up my screen with an incoming call. I hesitated before answering, my voice thick as I spoke. “Hey.”

“Hey” Emma’s voice was soft, concerned. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you holding up?”

I swallowed, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m fine” I lied.

Emma didn’t buy it. “You don’t sound fine.”

I closed my eyes, the tears I’d been holding back threatening to spill over. “I just.. I don’t know what to do. Matt is pulling away, and I don’t think we can fix it. I keep waiting for him to come back, but he’s not. And I feel so stupid, like I’m the only one who still cares.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Emma spoke again. “You’re not stupid. You’re just.. human. You’re allowed to care. But you can’t keep blowing smoke, pretending like everything’s okay when it’s not.”

My chest tightened at her words. Emma was right. I had been blowing smoke, convincing myself that if I just waited long enough, if I was patient, Matt would come back. But deep down, I knew the truth. He was already gone.

“I just don’t know how to let go.” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“I know” Emma said softly. “But sometimes, letting go is the only way to stop hurting.”

After the call ended, I sat in silence, Emma’s words echoing in my mind. Maybe it was time. Time to stop pretending, stop holding onto something that wasn’t real anymore.

I picked up my phone again, my heart heavy as I opened Matt’s contact one last time. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, and for a moment, I thought about typing out a long message, telling him how I felt, how much I missed him, how much it hurt to let him go.

But instead, I typed two words: Goodbye, Matt.

I hit send, then deleted his contact. It wasn’t closure. It wasn’t the ending I wanted. But it was the ending I needed.

I leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, the silence around me thick and heavy. I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. I would stop blowing smoke, stop pretending that everything was fine.

I would learn to let go.

-

I stood in front of the mirror, pulling my hair into a loose bun, catching my own reflection in the dim bathroom light. Reflecting back on the last few weeks since I ended things with Matt,I had spent too many nights crying over him, too many sleepless hours replaying our last few months, trying to pinpoint the exact moment it all started to fall apart. But that was behind me now. 

I felt freer now. There was nothing left to hold onto, no reason to keep chasing after someone who had already made his choice. Matt had moved on, and if I was honest, so had I, at least on the surface. I bit the bullet, and it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe that was because I had already felt the sting so many times before, watching him slip away slowly, his texts becoming more like formalities, his affection a ghost of what it once was.

But even though I had let him go, there was still that thought, one I couldn’t shake. It lingered in the back of my mind like a stain I couldn’t scrub out. The thought of him kissing someone else. I hated it. I hated the thought of his lips on hers, hated that I could picture it so clearly even though I’d never seen it happen. It was a wound that reopened every time I allowed myself to think about it. I had to tell myself this was all for the best, that eventually it would all make sense, but some part of me still cringed at the thought.

I wondered if he was with her now, trying to shake off the jealousy that curled around my heart like a thorny vine. I could picture it too clearly - him, standing in her doorway, while she lay on her bed waiting for him. I clenched my jaw. I’ve seen the pictures of her on Instagram, it made me wonder if she was just as pretty in real life. The thought hit me like a flash of cold water. I usually would never go searching for this new girl online, I never wanted to put myself through that kind of self-inflicted comparison, but this time I couldn’t help myself.

They don’t even strike me as two people who have much in common, what do they even talk about? That was the thing about Matt, he could fake it so well. He had a way of making you feel special, like you were the only one in the room, even if his mind was somewhere else. And I knew, deep down, that he wasn’t really in it with this new girl either. It wasn’t about connection. It was about a new thrill that allowed him to avoid the weight of everything he carried, the emotional baggage he was too scared to unpack.

But people always bought it. Matt had always had this way of shining, of standing out, even when he didn’t try. But his light wasn’t real. It was a reflection, bouncing off the surfaces of the women he charmed, hiding the darkness underneath. I knew what he was. I’d seen it. I knew how he pulled away when things got hard, how he used other people to bury his problems instead of dealing with them. I let out a soft sigh, I knew Matt was doing what he always did - running. Running up another hill, to another girl who he would put on a pedestal for a short time, who would help him hide from the pieces of himself he didn’t want to face. He wasn’t looking for love, he was looking for escape. I wondered how long it would last this time, how long before he felt the weight again and started drifting away from her too.

I leaned against the sink, staring down at my hands. I knew something the new girl didn’t. I knew everything Matt kept hidden, everything he’d tried to drown it behind his easy smile and surface level charm. I knew about the nights he couldn’t sleep, about the way he’d freeze up whenever things got too real, too close. I knew that no matter how far he ran, no matter how many women he kissed, he couldn’t outrun himself.

And that was the difference between me and him. While he's out sleeping around, I'm sleeping alone. And I’m completely fine with that. At least one of us is healing, and not drowning our sorrows on nights out, looking stupid. I thought bitterly, picturing him at some bar, flashing that bright smile at someone new, pretending like he had it all together, throwing himself at anything that’s got a pulse. The thought stung, but it wasn’t far from the truth. Matt wasn’t looking for something real anymore, he was looking for something easy, something that didn’t ask too much of him.

I smiled to myself, a small, bitter smile. I knew Matt. I knew he wasn’t as carefree as he liked to pretend. I knew eventually, he would think of me , late at night, when he couldn’t sleep. He’d think about the way he had left things unresolved, about the girl who had seen him for what he was and still loved him. He’d think about me, and he’d feel something, maybe not regret, but an emptiness that the new girl couldn’t fill. He’d feel the weight of it, even if he never admitted it to himself.

I shook my head, knowing that Matt was just going through the motions, letting this new girl believe she was special, letting her think she could be the one to fix him. But I knew better. I had been that girl. I had thought I could fix him too, thought I could be the one to make him stay. But Matt wasn’t someone who stayed. He was someone who drifted.

They’re just blowing smoke, I thought, brushing my hair back from my face. Like history repeating itself. I imagined the new girl’s friends, telling her how lucky she was to have found someone like Matt, how charming he was, how sweet. But it was all an illusion. They didn’t know him like I did. I know everything they don’t.

And that was my power now. I knew the truth. I knew that Matt wasn’t the perfect guy he pretended to be. I knew about the insecurities he hid, the emotional distance he couldn’t bridge. And knowing that, really knowing it, made it easier to move on. Because I could see him clearly now, without the rose tinted glasses I had once worn.

I stood up straight, looking at my reflection one last time. I wasn’t the girl who had fallen for Matt anymore. I wasn’t the girl who had waited for him to come back, who had spent nights wondering where she had gone wrong. I was stronger now. I had let him go for my own peace of mind, and for the first time in a long time, I felt free.

I turned off the bathroom light and walked into the quiet of my apartment, my footsteps light. Matt could keep running, keep searching for something that would never fill the void inside him. But I was done. I didn’t need to chase after someone who was always running away.

I knew the truth, and that was enough.

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss

[clxja16]

The Unspoken Words

Lewis Hamilton X Reader

Genre: idk man

Warnings: suggestive(?), angst(?)

Word Count: 1.4K+

Author's Note: idk what to think of this. I think the idea in my head was better than the actual product. honestly I'm just gonna put this up for now, but if it doesn't get like 200 notes in the next three days, then imma delete it.

update; it got 200+ notes in three days, so I guess it's staying up

-----------------------------

The unspoken words of an almost relationship; 

“Just to be clear, we’re…” 

“Friends,” you said calmly, with an all too knowing smile.  

Lewis smirked at you.  “Hmm, you weren’t saying that last night,” he says before walking away.  Lewis was many things, but above all he knew how to be discrete.  A quality that you were ever so grateful for.  

-

“Just stay for the night,” 

“Just stay with me for a little longer tonight.”  Lewis clings tightly to you, even if it’s only for a moment longer.  One day, you won’t try to leave in the middle of the night, and Lewis hopes that day comes soon. 

“We both know I shouldn’t do that.” 

“No one will know,” Lewis says, as he pulls you closely to him in the bed.  You can’t help but allow your eyes to close.  Just for one more night, you’ll stay. 

“No one has to know that you like being with me, I won’t tell anyone if that means you stay longer,” Lewis wants to say.  He knows he’s getting attached; too attached. 

-

“Congratulations on the podium,” you say, as you and him walk side by side towards the hotel elevators. 

Lewis smirked, “Do you want to help me celebrate tonight?” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” you say as you begin to unbutton the blouse you were wearing. 

-

“Lewis look at this,” you say, shoving your phone in his direction.  At the worst timing ever you get a text notification from your partner back home. 

“y/n,” Lewis says with a tone you can’t place. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You’re trying to say, “I’m sorry, that I fell in love with you when I’m already in a relationship with someone else.  I’m sorry that I’m willing to hurt you to protect them.” 

-

“I told you before, this is not something serious Lewis.” 

“If I had met you first, If I had known you first, If you were here first, this wouldn’t be happening right now.  I wish I waited for you, but now is too late,” you heart tries to free itself from your mind, but you refuse to allow it.  Your mind keeps your heart locked away, to protect it from itself. 

“Why can’t we change it to be serious?” 

“Why can’t you let me love you?  Let me love you out loud.  Let me show you what it means to love and be loved.  Let me be in love with you.  Please.”  Lewis wants nothing more than to love you, how you deserve to be loved.  He would give anything in this moment to love you.  

-

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Lewis said, a few days after the initial fight. 

“I will stop asking for more, If I can love you for a second more.”  Lewis gives up on the possibility of something real.  He gives up on loving you out loud.   He lets go of something serious, if that means you will be with him for another second. 

“It wasn’t a fight,” you offer him a smile, “it was a heated conversation” 

“Thank you for not making me choose.”  

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he says with a smile as well. 

“It is what I want to call it.”  It’s time to let him go, but you’re not ready. 

“Let me pretend for a little longer, that this isn’t becoming serious.” 

-

“Oh just like that,” you can’t help but moan out.  You can hear Lewis scoff at you. 

-

“I have to go,” you say to Lewis as he watches you pack your things.  “Toto is sending me back to the factory.” 

“For how long?” 

“Just a couple weeks,” you smirk at Lewis, “I’ll be back.” 

“I’m going to come back to you, because I’m not ready to let you go.  I know it’s selfish for me to expect you to wait around for me.  But that's what I want you to do.  I want you to wait for me just a little longer.  Wait for me just for a moment more.  And then I’ll let you go.”  It's about time you let Lewis go, you force him to stop loving you, but not right now.  Not this exact moment.  You want him to be yours for just one more second. 

“Good.” 

-

“I’m gonna extend my time at the factory,” you speak into the phone to Lewis. 

“You said you were going to come back,” 

“You told me you were going to be back, and I waited for you.  I will wait for you; so long as you tell me you’re coming back.  I will continue to wait for you, just tell you’re going to come back.  That you’re going to come back to me.  You tell me that, and I will wait.  I will wait as long as it takes.”  Lewis wants to wait, he wants to wait for you to come back to him.  

“I am going to come back, just not as soon as I thought.” 

“Wait for me, for a little longer.  Please.” 

-

“God, I missed you,” Lewis says, as he sees you waiting outside his hotel room. “When did you get here?” 

“A few hours ago,” you say, revealing the luggage behind you. 

“Let’s get inside,” Lewis opens the hotel room door for you. 

-

“Oh this is perfect,” you praise. 

“Just for you.” 

“Everything I do is for you.  I wait, I long, I live, I breathe for you.  All I have done and will do, are for you.  Because I love you.  Because I am in love with you.”  Lewis hopes that in another life he will get to say all the unspoken words of this moment to you.  

-

“y/n, you’re getting a call,” Lewis calls to you, while you’re in the shower.  

“Who is it?” 

“It’s them.” He says it with the same tone that you can’t place. 

“Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I continue to love you, when you don’t mind hurting me to protect them?  How can you hurt me like this, again?  How can you do this to me?  Why do I let you do this to me?”  Lewis knows that you aren’t willing to hurt them.  He doesn’t understand why you continue to protect them.  Maybe in another lifetime, you can hurt them to be with him.  

“Oh,” you stop for a second, “just leave it. I’ll take care of it.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

-

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Lewis says, as the two of you sit across from each other in the hotel room, half-dressed. 

“I love you, but I don’t love this.  I don’t love the secrets.  I don’t love the pain.  I don’t love how you’re not mine.  I don’t love that you can hurt me easily.  I don’t love that you met me second.  I don’t love this.  I love you.”  Lewis thinks that in another lifetime, he won’t have to say all the unspoken words to you.  He wants some unspoken words to remain unspoken. 

“I know,” you say truthfully, “you want something serious.” 

“You deserve something serious, and I wish I could do that for you, but I can’t.” 

“And you’re trying to get away from something serious.” 

“You told me.  You told me you didn’t want this to be serious.  I knew what I was getting myself into.” 

“It was fun though.” 

“I loved every minute with you.  I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, but I would do it all again.  I would put you through all the pain again, just to feel an ounce of your love.  I’m being selfish again, but I love you too.  In another life, find me first.  Find me first, so that I can be with you first, so that this won’t ever happen again.  In another life, let me meet you first.”  In another life you want the unspoken words to remain unspoken, but you want to say all the unspoken feelings of this moment. 

“If you change your mind about something serious, you can call me,” Lewis offers. 

“Tell me to wait for you.  Tell you’re going to come back to me.  Tell me that, and I will wait.  I will always wait for you, just tell me you’re going to come back to me.  Just one more time, tell me you’re coming back and I will wait.”  Lewis asks for you to give him hope.  He wants you to give him hope that things can change.  

“Don’t wait around for me, Lewis.” 

-

“Now we’re just…” Lewis speaks up, when he sees you leaving the hotel.  

“We’re just people that used to know each other,” you say, as the taxi to take you to the airport pulls up.  “Goodbye Lewis.” 

“Goodbye y/n.” 

[futurewriter2000]

Needing You

A/N: I'm going to pull so much of personal experience from this that even I might cry at the end but I don't cry so I let's see how far I have healed. Not even gonna lie, this was harder to write than I thought. - It deleted itself in the middle of it so I had to REWRITE IT- but it turned out better than the first time.

REQUEST 15: "Optional("hey! I love your writing, so here's a request: could you do a shot about Remus X fem Slytherin who's James sister and they both have a secret relationship, and when he (James) finds out, Remus and the reader have a really strong fight when he says something like "he's my best friend, you're only an experience" (be free to change this) and they both broke up, and the reader doesn't even talk to james but rather just... isolates herself. nended however you like but IM BEGGING make it like really sad =)nHave a fantastic day! <;3.")" #wattpad

XX

The sky was clear as day. It was the night and you had decided to finally swallow your anxiety and go out with your brother's friend. Your brother didn't mind. He just expected it to be a herbal gathering mission with his sister, when Remus told him about it. He didn't know the two of you were walking around the lake for three hours, holding hands because you almost slipped. Wishing you had planned that slip but you haven't. You put sneakers on in the winter- you haven't thought much with your head when it came to Remus. You just wanted to be next to him... and you were.

Your anxiety was piling up but you couldn't stop smiling. He was shaking, since he was only in a thin black T-shirt and a fancy coat that did not provide much warmth. You marveled at the stars and he pulled you close, showing you all the constallation you knew. You haven't been watching the stars. All the time, you kept thinking about kissing him- having your first kiss with your brother's friend, on whom you had a small crush when your brother was small. You completely forgot about Remus until a few weeks ago when you started to spend more time with your brother, as well as his friends.

The kiss happened on the bench. The lake was in front of you, the stars above and he simply leaned in, finally providing some warmth on his body.

This film has been replaying in your head for the past seven months. Every day, you rewatched it in your head, it seemed to be more magical. Every day when you saw him, touched him, kissing him- you fell in love deeper.

It was as if you were going insane just by loving him. You wanted him by your side all the time. It wasn't as if it wasn't difficult, seeing his friends forcing other girls on him when the two of you were sneaking around, knowing each other's bodies pretty well. You knew every scar, every mole, every inch of his body. You believed he knew yours as well.

Remus was a nerd. He pretended to be cool and collected but he just spent 20 minutes explaining medical propreties of three kind of herbs and how other wizards- Healers even can mix them up.

"What?" he said, quirking an eyebrow as you stayed quiet, smiling at him.

"What what?" you smiled brightly, your eyes glimmering with pure joy.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"Like what?" you fixed your facial expression, hiding away the emotional depth you felt for this boy.

He stared at you for a moment and moved away from you. "Nothing." he said, starting to get dressed.

There it was. That awful feeling. That feeling of not knowing what he feels.

It always came to this. The two of you could talk forever into the night or into sex but never could the two of you talk about your feelings. You wanted to tell him. You did. You wanted to tell him that you were deeply obsessed with him. That you adored every single thing about his character and body- but there was a restrain. There was the familiar lump in your throat that blocked you from speaking any further.

He always had excuses. He was not good enough for you. He can't ruin his friendship with James... he's not looking for anything exclusive at the moment.

You moved to your pile of clothes and started to put on your underwear. I swear, your razor has never been so used in your entire life than in the past few months. You smiled at that and clicked your bra on.

He didn't even notice that your undergarments were matching. Something you felt as if your effort was for nothing, but you felt good when you did things like that. For him. To please him- do it for him... because you loved him.

"Hey..." he was by your side and you got startled a bit from your train of thoughts.

His eyes were lustful and his hands were possessive of your body. You smiled and wrapped your hands around his neck. "Hi." you said as his hand grabbed the hem of your underwear and let it go into a snap on your hip.

"This is really nice." he smiled, watching your breasts in your perky red bra.

"You like?"

"Haven't got a clear view before... but now that I do..." he said and tightened his grip around your waist. "You smell so good..." he continued, but this time it felt more as a growl than a whisper and he purged your lips with his.

It felt as if two universes were collapsing. That's how it felt, kissing the forbidden fruit for him and for you. Even though James presented a small obstacle in the way of your relationship, the whole secrecy seemed to be more exciting, causing more passionate interactions between the two of you the more you two continued this.

He backed you agains the bed... again but you laughed, pushing him away but holding onto his shirt collar. "We have to go, you know that."

He wailed like a small puppy. "I don't want to."

You pulled him into a kiss, just as passionate, just as strong and so hard to let go of it. "I-" you tried but he deepened it in that moment, causing you to heat up and back up on the bed as he crawled over you.

He raised himself up and tool a long look at you, just laying there as your foot found its way to his chest. He took a gentle hold of it and moved it onto his shoulder. "You're so beautiful."

And that was it. Small words, small gestures- you went for it all. Your love couldn't consume him all. It always wanted more.

These moments, your soul didn't care. It was happy, you were happy and you were glowing. Only your roommate was the one who knew about your secret and she didn't agree much with it. She said he didn't treat you as he should.

But you were happy and that was all that mattered.

"I love seeing you this happy but I'm so afraid that you'll get hurt." your roommate said as she made her way to your bed.

"He wouldn't hurt me. He said he would never hurt me."

"I don't know, (y/n)..." she continued but you only laughed and smiled. Something in your heart was so full of love that you couldn't keep it in. Even James thought there was something wrong when you hugged him more than you usually did.

He suspected something was going on with you but he had no clue what.

Or that's how you thought.

Remus came into the room and just as he closed the door, somebody pushed him against it. Defensively, he pushed the person away from him. "What the hell?!" he shouted and saw a pair of furius brown eyes staring at him. "James?!"

"Were you with my sister!?" he shouted, not as if he was asking, simply waiting for Remus to tell the truth he already knew. But how could he had found out. "Tell me!" he snapped, pushing Remus' shoulder. "Tell me that Peter didn't see you leaving Room of Requirements with my baby sister!"

Oh, that's how.

Remus shot his eyes at Peter, than back at James. His eyes let loose. He was tired... and ashamed. You and him talked many times about getting caught but he thought the two of you would end by now... but you didn't.

"It just happened mate."

"Fuck you, Moony!" he pushed him again. "Did the two of you kiss?!" he asked. "Were you her first kiss?!"

"Yeah, okay!" Remus lifted his hands in defense. He felt as if he was being interrogated by the Ministry at this poing.

James only stared at him for a minute, than turned around and ran his hands down his face. He mumbled something under his breath- something Remus couldn't hear.

He then turned around really carefully, trying to control the boiling blood that kept flooding into his brain. "I'm not even going to ask if the two of you shagged- I'm just going to tell you this." he said calmly, however, you could still hear the fury in his voice- the one he never used before, not once in all years of friendship. "You are going to my sister and you will tell her that it's over." he warned. "She doesn't need this Remus. What you have- she doesn't need this." he threw knives with his poisinous glare.

Remus couldn't even argue with him. He knew that this was the reason why James would never let the two of you be together. You didn't know... you didn't and it wasn't your fault but he started this mess, and he felt as if he owed it to James to finish it.

---

By now, you knew something was off. Whenever Remus seemed to stay away from you, you got a strong feeling in your stomach. The two of you could talk it out, always but this time, the feeling was extremely powerful and deep inside, you knew that it wasn't good.

So you avoided him too. You simply felt... afraid...

And James knew. He knew Remus hasn't spoken a word to you yet because you seemed to be cheery and all over the place. Jumping from one friend to the other.

'She seems so happy.' - he thought at first, seeing you talk to one of your friends from class. 'I'm glad he was her first everything... but she can't go through with this. She'd break.' He looked at Remus, who stared into the book, ignoring you completely.

James stood up and walked to him. "Go talk to her." he said, more of a warning than a suggestion. Remus looked up at his friend's eyes and saw the demand in his darkened look. "Now." he finished and walked away.

Remus watched his best friend walk away, Sirius hiding away in discomfort, meanwhile Peter was lost in his own world. He looked at you on the other side of the room and just as he did, your eyes met. His heart stepped a beat, not knowing that it matched yours on the other side.

He shuffled in his seat for a second or two but cleared his throat and walked up.

It didn't take a lot of convincing to let you come with him. You loved him. You would be by his side every second that counted, if it wasn't for the circumstances the two of you were in.

The sky wasn't like before. It wasn't clear as day but it was still just enough chilly. He was about to graduate soon and you will go into your last year. You haven't talked about it yet but maybe this will finally be the conversation that clears all that mess up

You thought.

He couldn't get himself to say it. Your eyes shimmered so brightly- even on a day like this. How could he do this?

"Umm..."

You smiled and took a hold of his hand. "It's me Remus. You can always talk to me."

He swallowed hard and flickered his eyes from your hands to your eyes.

And then it was cold.

"James found out about us... and for me, I think, it's best for us to end this now. " he said, not letting you interrupt him when you started to process information. "I think it's best that we end this." he continued quietly, removing his hand from yours and avoiding your eyes... but you only stared, not blinking once... only stared.

He tried to smile but it wasn't sincere. At least not in your eyes. "We had so much fun- (y/n) but-"

"No..." you spoke weakly, clearing your voice and not letting a single tear fall from your eyes. "You can't just break up over this. James can understand- so he knows."

"No, (y/n)... listen..." he started but you interrupted him before he could continue.

"Why do you want to end it? Finally, James knows-"

"James doesn't want us to be together." he started to get more harsh with you.

"Well, that's his problem, not ours." you snapped back.

"What do you mean it's not our problem?! He's my best friend!"

"And he's my brother- if he was a real friend, he'd be happy for you."

"If he's a real brother, he'd make us break up!"

"What does that even mean?!"

Remus threw his head back. He cannot tell you. Not this. He could tell you a lot of things but the why... that he couldn't tell you. "It means it's over." he stood up.

"Don't you walk away from me!" you shouted behind him and grabbed his arm, turning him away.

"What don't you understand!?" he shouted back, pointing at his head with his fingers. "We were never meant to be, (y/n). It was a ride but we get off now!" he pointed at the floor, steaming from all the fury.

'Why couldn't you just let him go?'

"Oh, it definitely was a ride!" you scoffed, crossing your arms as he narrowed his eyes at your sarcasm. "But you're going to let one James get in the way between this?!"

"Yes!"

"Is HE THAT IMPORTANT, HUH?! WHY DID YOU EVEN CHOOSE ME THEN?!"

"YES!" he screamed at this point. "He is MORE important than you. He is MORE than you will ever be to me!" He lost his temper, blubbering out everything he thought. "I didn't choose you! You were just there- JUST FUCKING THERE- at the right place at the right time- THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME WOULD NEVER WORK OUT. You were an OPPORTUNITY!" he shouted, letting his eyes darken and glare at you maliciously. "And I took it gracefully." he finished in a low growl, his eyes shimmering when all of a sudden you took a step back.

...

...it's that how it felt?

It was like a click in his brain. He was too harsh. He was- you're still James' little sister- he still... "Shit, (y/n)..."

You pulled your hand away from his touch as he tried to take a hold of it. Physically, it wasn't possible for your world to be shaking at the moment... but somehow it has and you couldn't see.

"It came out really wrong-"

And your heart could, in logic, not hurt phisically. Hertbreak is psychollogical but then why did suddently feel as if it had been ripped out of your chest. A hole... a deep dark hole in your chest, sucking every last bit of your soul into it.

"(y/n), please say something. You just stepped on a nerve and I got angry-"

Was the world always this silent? Were the voices around you always this muffled. You couldn't hear, you couldn't feel.

You took a hold of your cold arms and the cold didn't hurt. Your fingertips... as blue and swollen as they were, they didn't pain.

"Come on, let's get inside."

You wish, you could have ran away but your legs felt numb, so you wobbled as far away from him as you could. The first corner you turned to, the moment your legs collapsed and you slid into the floor.

'Was I really this stupid?'

'What just happened?"

'What will my roommate say- she'll mock me-'

'He probably feels so great now that he knows I was in love with him.'

'Why does it hurt so much?'

Random thoughts came through your head. One running over the other- one as random as what to wear tomorrow. But the air was cold and you felt as if you deserved to freeze in it.

The stupidity, naivety and the immense ego death- everything has destroyed you. They say words cannot hurt you but they can. If they say it right, if they say it in the truthful manner- in a manner intended to hurt you... you?

So you thought back to the night the two of you first kissed. He said, the right place at the right time... that's all you were to him. A girl, who was there for him to use. A girl, he had no feelings for, not close to what you felt for the past few months. He kissed you and touched you, he had seen you naked and it didn't mean anything to him. He meant everything to you.

You were stupid. You thought he loves you. You thought you were special when he kissed you. That he found you attractive, beatiful- as he had said but you were just a day given opportunity.

If there was a monster that day, there, he would have kissed it. Because it was just there. Not because it cared for him, because it was his brother's best friend and it had trusted him with itself- no because the monster was just there, by the lake, at the same time like him.

Nothing. You meant... nothing.

---

Grey... the colours were grey. Every single one of them was gray, different shades of it. You promised yourself, you wouldn't let anybody affect you but you couldn't help the feeling in your chest, this soul sucking hole causing your whole body to ache. It felt as if your heart wasn't even there. He ripped it out and destroyed it.

You barely woke up, but you had to... for school. You had to go to school. Not that you cared anymore. You simply just existed. It was as if you couldn't remember when you got out of bed and when you got back into it. Time flew by like it didn't exist at all.

You didn't even know when one week passed by. It just did and nothing much mattered. You sat behind your desk and wrote your Transfiguration paper. It was when you were almost done when he altered your brain and there was the big pain in your throat. You swallowed it, closed your eyes and felt them burn.

You have to finish this. - you thought.

So you did and you forced him away. As soon as you did, you went to the bathroom and washed yourself. Then simply crawled to bed at six pm. It was your ruitine since then. You took a journal, you wrote it down, realising you cannot write things down without crying, so you grabbed the pillow and pushed it to your chest. You squeezed it so tightly in the meaning to place it into the empty hole in your chest.

It didn't cover, so you cried anyway. You did. No matter how hard you tried, you cried.

You don't remember what you talked with your roommates. You plastered a smile and nodded but avoided pretty much everybody.

Everything was a no for you.

A walk? - No.

Hogsmeade? - No.

Dinner? - No.

Study group? - No.

Roommates were a nice distraction but it wasn't enough for the pain. Even when James sent you a note, you always replied with a no. It was automatic by now. You said you had to study or that you were tired. You needed time for yourself. You needed to find your self-worth again because for the past months, you let your happiness depend on one person and that person just took all that happiness away from you.

So what you needed? It was work and sleep.

---

James knew you were heartbroken. He knew he was the annoying sibling but he wasn't used to being annoyed by you. You had always kept your emotions to yourself. The two of you weren't close emotionally but you had your own share of fun together. When he asked Remus when everything started, it was just around the time your bond started to get better. The two of you would spend much time together and you weren't so stuck up or annoyed at any slight inconvinience.

He never saw that side of you. The one that was emotionally opened to him. He didn't know it was Remus the sole reason for that. You were happy, excited and... well, in love. But it was the wrong person. Remus has something that he didn't wish for you to deal with. You were always the rebel of the family. He was the golden child but you were your own person. You didn't talk back t your parents as he did but you did all the things that you wanted. You did everything you wanted. That was your own magic. You were a rebel but you were a kind and understanding person.

James is the tough one in the group. He is the leader, the great one... even in your own family, he is the golden one, the perfect one but you always understood him the way nobody else did. You saw him, behind all of that facade. He loved being around you. You were his safe place. You were... his sister. The sister who gave him all the unsolicited advice and was there for him when nobody else was.

He didn't see much of you and most of the time you ignored his letters and messages. The times he did catch up to you, you excused yourself to go study and he knew you were furius at him because at times, you'd snap at him, throwing harsh words at him.

He knew you were sad and heartbroken but he also knew you'd move on sooner rather than later. You were just dramatic. Women always are.

It was to his surprise when he walked into the classroom and saw you sitting at one of the tables, laughing and smiling with a Ravenclaw his age.

It was Newt's and you were one year behind- so there was no reason you should be there.

Remus was more surprised than James. If he was bound to find out, he couldn't do it now. The protocol was to sit down and take the exam. No talking, no turning around but nothing could make him focus without knowing the truth about your attendence at this exam.

He could hear the professor something whisper in your ear but he couldn't understand it. Maybe, the professor realised you weren't supposed to be there either.

But nothing happened. You mumbled back and you stayed.

It was up until the exam was over when he turned around to see your chair empty, your robe disappearing behind the door. He ran after you but James had already caught up.

The two of you were already arguing.

"What do you mean you're graduating early?" James bulged his eyes out.

Graduating early?- Remus thought. You? Why would you ever graduate early, you hated studying.

"Why not? I've already taken most of the exams and I passed. McGonagall said if I roll up my sleeves and grab the whole thing, I can do it but the chance is small. Yet, here I am." you smiled and that twinkle in your eye that was known to more people to be the twinkle of up to no good.

What were you up to?

"You can't. You don't have any recommendations- not- no." James couldn't piece it together.

"Yes. I'm graduating and I am moving to southern Europe and I am never stepping foot in England ever again."

"Southern Europe?!" James shouted in disbelief. "You're shitting me?"

"I'm not. I have a plan to leave. I always had."

"That was your fairy tale. To live in Italy or Greece or some shit." he started to laugh.

"To be away from here." you said angrly. "I hate it here. I always had."

"No." said James.

"Yes..." mumbled Remus but nobody heard him due to the loud arguing between siblings.

You always said about leaving when the two of you were together. The beach, the culture... you said you felt as if nobody supported you here. The rebel of the family. You confided into him about how you felt there was zero effort made to make something out of you. All attention was always on James and that made you rebel in your family. You didn't want to be like James but everybody forced you to be at least somewhat like him. You said, how people take you for granted, underrating your power.

I guess, this was you taking your power into control.

Before he knew it, you were storming one way and James the other but unlike last time. He chose to follow you.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" he shouted behind you.

"Watch me." you turned around to see him then back around to turn a corner.

He caught up and took a hold of your hand but you snapped it away as soon as it touched you.

Of course, you wanted to see him. Of course, you wanted to talk to him, you craved him but you were furius beside all things. God, you could have screamed at him right now and hug him at the same time.

"You can't do this because you're angry at me. Don't take it on James." he started but you laughed.

"You think, I'm doing this for you?" you laughed, poking his chest with your finger. "I just grabbed the opportunity, Remus. I was just there, at the right place at the right time." you lowered your voice, quoting him.

"Come on- you don't know the whole background-"

"No, you know what Remus. I chose you. I fucking chose you to be my first. That means that I decided to trust you with my soul as well as my body and trusting people isn't easy for me." you continued. "I let you in- quite literally- but I thought we were something and you surely played the role to make me feel that way." you smiled forcefully, hiding away the feeling in your chest. You had no idea how a heart that is no longer there can still break.

"I really cared about you. I still do."

"You moved on, two weeks after us." you finally let him show a bit of your emotions. "Two fucking weeks and another girl was under your arm- God fuck, Remus. The hell is wrong with you."

"A lot..."

"Fuck you for playing the victim all the time." you pushed him hard. "Fuck you- fuck you- fuck you!" you continued to shout angrily. "I won't play the victim because I am not one. I'm moving on- away from fuckheads like you." you spat out. "Because you could have had somebody who would have loved you for everything that you are. You won't find anybody who will be prepared to love you as much as I was. Remember that, Remus Lupin. You won." you threw your hands up in defeat and walked away.

And it was one of those things that stick with you. It stuck with Remus because he didn't see you anywhere else anymore. Neither did James. He didn't know whether you were dead or alive. The graduation, they both looked for you but nowhere.

You disappeared from his life and it was until then when his life started to fall apart for him. You told me he could be whatever he wanted to be- even an auror. You supported him the way nobody else could and you accepted every flaw. He knew you would love him even more if he told you his secret but he thought.... he thought the two of you would stay friends. He thought, he had time with you. He thought he would appologise and the two of you would eventually talk.

He needed somebody. He needed somebody to talk to- always. Sirius was in Azkaban and James was dead. And all he could think about was needing you.

[indigoipsum]

OKAY OKAY I have to finally express my thoughts about Kuro II after the rewatch

Me and Null agreed that episode 1 is just... a lot better than a lot of the characterization going forward. Despite the eye gouging (I cannot defend this. Alois is very mentally ill and needs to take it out on someone and I think he has misogynistic tendencies and self-hatred for his own femininity that he decides to hurt Hannah because of it) Claude was written more how he should have been the rest of the series-- stoic, annoyed, but ultimately showing glimpses of care or something adjacent for Alois.

Delete the filler episodes and add more Trancy house development in general.

Alois is a lot less malicious than I remember. Before the duel happens he's literally just going to show Ciel to the bathroom. He only tries to hurt Ciel when his life is on the line, and even then, he begs Ciel to try to understand him as he's dying.

NONE OF THE REVENGE STUFF MAKES SENSE!! WHY WOULD AN 11-YEAR-OLD ORDER THE DEATH OF THE PHANTOMHIVE FAMILY! Ciel is smarter than this! I know demons are charming but Ciel is an extremely smart kid and literally solves crimes every day. When Alois starts explaining things, you'd think that after the duel Ciel would actually try to process it before all the torture stuff happens. Also, why would that "arsonist" allegedly hired by Alois confess to it? Was Sebastian paying him off? We know none of this actually happened!

GOD Ciel's characterization is horrendous. He kills the alleged arsonist without remorse and then is prepared to kill Alois then, later on, is like "ugh I could never kill that easily" YOU JUST DID??????? Also, when he becomes a demon, he completely leaves his servants without any regard for their well-being despite them caring for him for three years. Even though he's a demon and such now, he's not going to change his personality like that. Sebastian was under orders by Ciel to find new staff, and instead of just hiring a really good cook, maid, and gardener who had defense experience or whatever, he took in three people who had nothing left but their abilities and showed them genuine kindness. It's debatable how much of the kindness was really Sebastian's but it stands that Ciel would not abandon his servants. At the very least, not Tanaka, who he's known all his life. He wouldn't do that to Lizzie or Soma or Agni either! He cares about all these people. So he and Sebastian are just wandering around flower fields forever? Why don't they just go back to Hell where Sebastian will still be his servant?

Another point with the demon thing: I fully believe that it was just done to pander to Sebac1el shippers (censoring so this doesn't come up in a search for the ship because that is the opposite of the goal here).

I forgot how creepy Claude was in the later episodes. There were parallels between him and previous Earl Trancy that should have served a stronger narrative purpose but just made it look like he was sexualizing the two boys.

There's only one scene that actually intends to make Alois' CSA feel disturbing, and it's when he's laying motionless in bed and saying how Trancy looks at him with hunger in a different way than Claude does. They were so close to the point! Also, one of the maze questions is about Alois pretending his trauma didn't happen so why do people insist he enjoyed his abuse?

When summoning Claude, why was none of the contract about getting away from Trancy???? "I don't care about that old pervert" YOU ARE BEING BRUTALLY ASSAULTED?? Sorry Alois would have def ordered Claude to kill him in my mind.

Every scene with Hannah, no matter how serious, portrays her in a sexual light and I HATE it.

WHY WOULD SCOTLAND YARD THINK THAT CIEL IS ALOIS. THEY HAVE WORKED WITH CIEL FOR YEARS.

The maze idea was cool but, again, executed poorly.

Grelle's characterization is better than Season 1 in terms of showing her skill.

The Hannah contract was still confusing after multiple watches and idk what was going on in that writer's room.

I think that's it for now but dear god. This series is so much. If all of Kuro II Tumblr was hired to write it then it would have been genuinely good

[the-himawari]

A3! Sakisaka Muku - Translation [SR] Festival of Blooming (1/2)

*Please read disclaimer on blog

---

Kazunari: Mukkun, we’re gonna swap the clothes we usual wear, right?

Muku: Yes. What about it?

Kazunari: I assume the size’ll probably be fine. But just in case, why don’t you try on some of my clothes right now?

Muku: Sure, I’ll try them if that’s okay with you.

Kazunari: ‘Kay, cool beans! Mm, here’s the top and here’s the bottom! Plus my hat and accessories… Alright, put them all on!

Muku: Thanks! I’ll go change.

Kazunari: Sure!

Muku: It’s really exciting that I get to wear Kazu-kun’s simple but fasionable outfit. First, the pants… hm? …Huh!? W-what do I do, Kazu-kun! It doesn’t look like your pants fit me…!

Kazunari: Seriously!?

Muku: Yeah. I can’t pull them up past my knees no matter how many times I try. Even though I’m shorter than you, I suppose I have thicker legs… Ah, or maybe I gained weight!? I’ve been careful to run off all the sweets I eat though…!

Kazunari: Calm down! You used to do track and field, so I’m sure you just have more muscles on your legs than me! Right? You’re going on morning runs with Tax, aren’tcha?

Muku: Ah, I see. Muscles… that might be it. But what should I do? I can’t wear your pants like this.

Kazunari: Hmmm… ah, I know! Hey, Mukkun. Can you leave this matter to me? I got a great idea!

Muku: Really? Alright, I’ll wait for you then!

-pause-

Muku: (I left the pants issue to Kazu-kun, so that’s taken care of…) I have to think about the main part, my skit. How should I act as Kazu-kun?

Kazunari: …

Muku: (Ah, speak of the devil. It looks like he’s drawing something…)

Kazunari: Oh, Mukkun.

Muku: I’m sorry. Did I interrupt you?

Kazunari: Not at all! I’m just sketching the view from here as a breather.

Muku: Oh, really? Can I watch you as you draw for a bit?

Kazunari: Knock yourself out!

Muku: Thanks!

Kazunari: …

Muku: (Kazu-kun is drawing with a serious look on his face. Yet he looks like he’s really enjoying himself.) (It might be nice to play Kazu-kun when he’s drawing…)

Kazunari: Ah! By the way, Mukkun!

Muku: What’s the matter?

Kazunari: I secretly took a pic of Frooch-san the other day and I got a super sweet shot. ‘Cept he got mad when I showed him~ and he told me, “don’t take pictures without permission. Erase it!”

Muku: Ehh, that happened? Did you delete the picture already? If it was that nice, I would’ve loved to see it too.

Kazunari: I thought you’d say that… So I just pretended to erase it, but I actually still have it! I’ll let you feast your eyes. Lookie here!

Muku: Wow, it’s amazing! This doesn’t look like the usual Sakyo-san!

Kazunari: I know, right!? I knew you’d get what I mean~!

Muku: This is such a lovely photo though. I wonder why Sakyo-san was upset ?

Kazunari: Mm… I doubt he was actually mad. I bet he was hiding his embarrassment!

Muku: He was hiding his embarrassment by putting up an angry front?

Kazunari: Exactly! Taicchan was with me and he thought Frooch-san was pissed for real though!

Muku: I’m the same way, but Taichi-kun’s the type to just accept it as it is when Sakyo-san is angry.

Kazunari: But, y’know, there’s something cute about Frooch-san getting embarrassed over a photo that came out better than usual.

Muku: I think only you and Azu nee-san can call Sakyo-san cute…

Kazunari: Ehh, you think? Anyways, after that Taicchan…

Muku: (I like Kazu-kun when he’s having fun chatting with others like this.) (But I also love the side of him when he contemplates and works seriously on his flyer designs by himself…) Hah. This won’t do. I like too many things about him…!

Kazunari: Woah! What’s up all of a sudden, Mukkun?

Muku: Ah! No, it’s nothing! Don’t mind me!

Kazunari: ?

Muku: (Come to think of it, the goal of this project is to deepen our understanding of each other as roommates, right?) (In that case, the Kazu-kun that only I as his roommate knows and can play would be…)

---

| next

[numinousher]

CHANTAJE! (xxviii)

SUMMARY: being under the watchful eye of the media and your fans, your managers are in desperate need of regaining back your popularity after other influencers who hate you cause mayhem to your life. what best way to do so by having you pretend to be in a relationship with the popular 7 who are known to be intensely wealthy and stoic? will you be able to regain their trust or will they go with their promise of damaging your reputation even more?

WARNING(S): gore/blood/murder, harassment/bullying, mental health talks (nothing badly triggering), talks of nsfw (nothing bad tho)

NOTE: ahhhhh just one moreeee

TAGLIST (CLOSED): @parapiop7 @an-ever-angry-bi @softforyoongles @thenaverse @delliriumn @juju-227592 @skyys-universe @carolinexkpop @reallysparklychaos @namjooncrabs @savagemickey03 @drunkzseok @svnbangtansworld @2ne1unni

“What the hell happened?”

Was the first thing that escaped Jimin’s mouth once he came to see you, Taehyung, and Jungkook with marks on your necks, chest, and back. It almost looked like you three went through the most atrocious battle. And you did. Kinda.

After you and Jungkook began to get much more into the fact he was eating you out, your moans got a bit too loud that Taehyung woke up from his slumber. His words made you even more “hot and bothered” since he loved calling you his “sweet girl” and “pretty girl” in the most breathy voice ever. Yeah, you couldn’t hold back, and it was an experience. It was all consensual and both of them made sure you were okay; in the right head space. You three weren’t finished until the sun was peeking through the gaps of the curtains and until you were scared the bed was for sure going to break.

You sheepishly smile. “Sorry…”

Jimin glanced at you, then at Jungkook, and then at Taehyung. He stared them down hard—until they felt uncomfortable—before he turned back at you.

You gulped under his gaze. He was already dressed in a button down and slacks, his hair was slightly messy, his rings were on and his watch, too.

He took two large strides towards you before he kissed you, softly and passionately. His kissing matched Taehyung’s and you noted it that way due to the fact Jimin was kissing you like he couldn’t breathe. Like he was starving and dehydrated and you were the perfect remedy to get rid of those.

You weren’t used to the way they kissed you.

“As long as you were okay,” Jimin muttered against your lips, a hand placed on the side of your face. The pad of his thumb swiped over your cheekbone. “And as long as you gave permission and were in a good mindset.”

You nodded. “Don’t worry. They made sure.”

“Good.” Jimin gave you one more look before he backed away, not looking away from you or your body. “Namjoon wants to talk to you. Said he’ll explain what happened.”

You slowly nodded, chewing on your bottom lip as he grabbed your hand and led you to the room Namjoon was in.

When you walked inside, he was making calls, a frown temporarily etched in his face. As soon as he saw you, he excused himself before hanging up.

He stood up.

He looked at Jimin and you saw Jimin nod from beside you. He gave you a kiss on the forehead, making his way out, and leaving you in silence with the man who hated you from the beginning. Well, he used to. Now, you’re not sure. Your brain has been spewing thoughts that have left you overthinking and you don’t know what to believe in the current moment. Maybe whatever he has to say will change your mind.

Namjoon sighed and led you to sit on the couch he had in the office you never used. He sat next to you.

“I didn’t expose the information on your sister that I was aware of in the beginning of this… arrangement,” he began, trying to find the right words without offending you. “I deleted it when I told you I was going to because my feelings for you changed. It was not right of me to blackmail you over something as trivial as this so, I deleted it and I made sure no one else had that information.”

“If it wasn’t you then who was it?” You softly asked with a frown that matched his.

“Chan-woo,” Namjoon simply answered. You immediately felt stupid. Completely stupid. Your lips became tight-lipped as you gave Namjoon an empty look. He snorted. “You forgot who that is?”

“I feel fucked up,” you winced with embarrassment.

“Don’t be,” he chuckled, clearly finding it amusing. He didn’t blame you. Chan-woo hasn’t been mentioned in a while. “Chan-woo, he’s the one who contacted your manager about us fake dating. Our publicist you can call him.”

“Oh,” you drag out, remembering the man’s face. “I remember now.”

“He’s the one who exposed your sister’s “crimes” or whatever,” Namjoon mumbled the last words since he had his own private investigator look into the crimes. “Planned it from the start. You know your sister’s ex-boyfriend?” Nod. “And how he orchestrated all those break-ins?” Another nod. “Well, the last house they broke into that eventually led police to arrest them was Chan-woo’s grandfather’s house. He did this all for revenge.”

“Ah,” you let out, head going up and down in understanding. “That explains why he did all of this…”

Namjoon continued telling you about everything shortly after. You were shocked, yeah, that your arrangement was planned by a man whose intention was to have your reputation ended by the 7 men, but you couldn’t blame exactly him. You would be pissed, too, if the damn stupid police didn’t do their research right and gave the wrong person the wrong accusation.

Namjoon blinked at your lack of anger.

“Don’t wave his actions off,” he said, arching a brow. He sighed. “You can talk to him.” He saw you looking at him with confusion at his choice of words. “We have him.”

“Have him where?” You asked. You blink. “Don’t tell me you have him kidnapped somewhere.” Silence. “Namjoon.”

“What?” He shrugged like it was nothing. “He should’ve done his own investigation.”

You sigh before groaning. You covered your face, ashamed. “I must be out of my goddamn mind if the idea of you defending my honor like that is attractive.”

Namjoon lowly chuckled. He leaned in and placed a hand on the side of your face, leaning in to brush his lips against yours. Once he heard your breath hitch in your throat, he didn’t give you the kiss you (he) wanted, and instead let his lips trail down your neck.

“I hope you trust me enough to know I would never hurt you like that,” he murmured against your neck. He kissed the marks that Taehyung and Jungkook left behind. “I was an ass at the beginning but because Chan-woo told us you liked using your connections to hurt others. I feel like that should’ve been a sign…”

“You think?” You chuckled.

He chuckled along with you, too, and took a brief step back, arms still around you.

“Now, wear a turtle neck.” You opened your mouth to argue, but he held a hand up, stopping you. “I’m not being controlling or anything. Wear whatever you want but, we do have a statement to release that proves your innocence.”

“Oh.”

“Unless you want to show off your marks,” he murmured against your ear, trailing his lips downwards. “I’m not opposed to both options.”

“Of course you aren’t,” you snorted out. You backed away. “You 7, except Jin, Yoongi, and Hobi, are freaks.”

“Oh, yeah,” Namjoon nodded his head rather sarcastically. “Just wait until they have you to themselves. Especially Yoongi. You won’t be seen for a week.”

You look up at him with a slight agape mouth before letting out an amused scoff. “I’m going to get ready then.”

He let you go.

“Jae and Jake will be coming later and we will talk to the reporters in front of the gates in 2 hours.”

“Okay, then. I’ll start getting ready.”

He curtly nods and just as you stepped out to head to your bedroom, he pulls you back to his chest, arm wrapped around your waist.

He kisses the space under your ear.

“We’ll officially ask you out after,” he says. He smiles against your neck. “What type of men would we be if we just let you roam around single knowing that so many find you so damn beautiful?”

He kisses your neck one more time before letting you go.

You were left shocked for a little bit. Just a little bit.

After getting ready, you wore the turtleneck to hide the bruises on your neck.

It was a bit cold so no one would find it suspicious, much to your relief.

“A couple months ago, Y/n was accused of bullying and harassment,” Jae started as she ignored the flashing of the cameras from the reporters. She had sunglasses on, but they did nothing to stop the headache starting to form. “Two days ago, she was accused of hiding her sister’s alleged crime. Kim Namjoon, from The Golden Film Enterprise, will now speak, and Y/n will speak shortly after. We ask that questions be asked at the end.”

More clicks of the camera were heard as Namjoon stepped up speak on the microphone provided for you three. It was weird as the statements were being read right outside your home, in the middle of the street, with cops blocking any type of vehicle coming forward.

You maintained your gaze straight forward, hand held tightly by Jin himself who provided enough safety and comfort to you.

“The boys and I had done our own investigation after the police failed to do their job,” Namjoon spoke in a deep tone, “and didn’t provide the right evidence and information. Y/n’s sister,” he gestured to your sister who was next to Jimin, “was in a relationship with (last name) Han-Jae, one of the leaders who created Eat the Seoul and committed the following crimes: embezzlement, extortion, fraud, identity theft, aggravated assault, and more. In one of his break ins, he and his group broke into an elderly man’s home, who also happened to be our publicist’s grandfather.”

“What does that have to do with Y/n’s allegations?”

Namjoon looked off at the reporters. He hummed and looked down at his papers. He glanced to his side where Chan-woo and his sister stood after being made to be there.

“Well, Chan-woo confessed to making his sister start the bullying allegations.” As Namjoon said that, he looked at Chan-woo who looked down, ashamed. “Chan-woo and his sister, Eun-mi, have been in charge of spreading misinformation based on Y/n these past few months. Y/n’s sister was not involved in the crime involved with the ones in Eat the Seoul. Here are some pictures to prove her whereabouts—she was in the store—at the time the organization was breaking in.”

More pictures got taken as Namjoon showed the evidence.

“Those who have been involved with the bullying, harassment, and the misinformation of Y/n, will be contacted by our lawyers,” Namjoon clarified rather simply like it was nothing. He hummed. “Now, Y/n will be speaking. Hold off on the questions after she’s done.”

Namjoon aside and grabbed your hand, helping you up the steps to the podium. You softly cleared your throat.

“I know many of you want me to apologize,” you started, “but I will not do anything of that sort. My name has been dragged through the unimaginable these past few months and I don’t know why you guys want me to apologize. I hope the media and some people know not to believe anything unless I state it, and I will. The harassment I suffered through was despicable because these people,” you gestured to Chan-woo and his sister without glancing at them, “decided it was up to them to bring justice to their grandfather without the proper evidence and information.”

Chan-woo looked down in embarrassment.

Jimin and Jungkook held in their laughter.

“You better not laugh,” Hoseok mumbled, nudging the two.

“I get their anger,” you continued. “I get their frustration of their grandfather being hurt by a bunch of people who did not have any sort of empathy. But, it was not my fault, even if my sister was complicit.” You blinked away the pain that was starting to build behind your eyelids due to the lights of the cameras. “Which brings me to admit this… I did not coerce the police to get rid of my sister’s alleged crimes. Because I knew she was innocent, I hired my own private investigator that, I will admit, didn’t do much. My parents tried getting me to hide her crimes but, again, it’s not up to me and it’s very illegal. Thank you.”

You got your documents together while reporters immediately spewed out questions.

You waited until they quieted down.

“Y/n, why didn’t you say anything in the first place?”

You pursed your lips. “Because how would anyone believe me if I didn’t have proper evidence to back up my claims?”

Murmurs of agreement.

“We need to go,” a guard told Namjoon. “There’s a mob coming.”

“Miss, how do you—”

“Sorry,” Namjoon came in. He turned to look at you. “There’s a mob coming. We need to leave.”

You nodded and turned to look at the crowd of reporters. “Any more questions, please refer them to my company that is on my social media accounts. Thank you.”

Namjoon and your bodyguards immediately led you away. Since the mob was heading to your second home, they knew you were coming to stay with them for the time being until things die down.

“Take Chan-woo and his sister,” Yoongi quickly uttered out to the main bodyguard, getting inside the black SUV. “Make sure they get taken to Red. Don’t leave them out of your sight until Namjoon gets there.”

Once you guys got to their home, you were led out by Jin, who held out his hand for you to grab while he talked to Jimin.

“I did tell you we were going to do something,” Namjoon said as he came from behind you, the 8 of you going up the stairs of their front porch. Jin held on to your hand.

Namjoon smiled as he opened the door for you two, allowing your eyesight to see the bouquet of flowers for you.

“Woah,” you gasped out. “What the hell? Weren’t you with me the whole entire day?”

“Doesn’t mean it’s going to stop us from properly asking you out,” Jimin said from beside you, an amused smile spread on his lips. “Though, I told Namjoon to wait a bit but, his impatient ass wanted to do it sooner.”

“Yeah, you literally told me today in the morning,” you softly scoffed out, looking at the man who had his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hey, I had a whole plan where we took you for dinner, but these two idiots,” Namjoon gestured to Taehyung, who maintained a stoic expression, and Jungkook, who immediately grinned sheepishly, “have been missing you terribly and I couldn’t stop them.”

You look at them.

“You guys miss me terribly despite seeing me every day?”

“It’s more like a need,” Taehyung simply replied.

“So,” Namjoon asked, “will you officially be our girlfriend?”

“No NDA?”

“Pretty, that shit has been destroyed since Namjoon kissed you for the first time,” Jin said with a chuckle, receiving a harsh nudge from Namjoon.

You immediately look at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” the man waves off Jin’s words. “Ignore him.”

“There’s no more NDA,” Yoongi confirmed with a muttered voice. “So, don’t worry.”

“Be our girlfriend.”

“Please?”

EXTRA SCENE:

“I’m just wondering why you took them to Red.”

Yoongi asked as he, Namjoon, and Hoseok walked to the building they usually had their men bring their enemies to.

“I need to beat up Chan-woo or else he’s going to keep running his mouth,” Namjoon mumbled under his breath, walking down the long, dark pathway that led up to the red home. He scoffed. “Fucking asshole shouldn’t think he’d get away this easily.”

“What about his sister?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah, I remember clearly Y/n said not to hurt her and you even promised,” Yoongi said, raising an eyebrow at the man.

Namjoon smiled to himself. “That beautiful girl can get whatever she wants in the world if she asks, so I’m still going to fulfill that promise, believe me. I just never promised anything about Chan-woo.”

“You think she’ll ever find out Taehyung killed a bad man because he couldn’t handle his feelings for her?” Hoseok asked with a chuckle following after. “Or will that secret be buried with us?”

“We’ll all be buried together, she’ll find out eventually,” Namjoon mumbled under his breath, his guards opening the front door.

The two other men snorted before the three headed to the room Chan-woo and his sister were in.

Namjoon faked a smile.

“Hi, how are you?” He feigned concern.

As Chan-woo’s sister opened her mouth to respond, Chan-woo himself raised a hand up, stopping her from doing so. “Don’t. He’s faking it. He’s here to shut us up.” He turned to look at Namjoon. “Leave my sister out of it.”

Namjoon continued smiling and squatted in front of Chan-woo. His hand shot up to squeeze the man’s throat and his smiled vanished in a blink of an eye to a stoic look that had Chan-woo’s sister begging Namjoon to stop.

“Take this as a warning Chan-woo,” Namjoon lowly muttered. “You stay the fuck away from Y/n. Now that she’s officially ours, you better keep her beautiful name out of that filthy, dirty mouth of yours, you hear me?”

Chan-woo thrashed. “Fuck you.”

Namjoon brought his face closer to his, hand gripping his neck even tighter. “You fucking hear me?” He growled out. “Or next time, I’m going to do this to your fucking sister until she stops breathing.” That was a lie. He would never touch her but, Chan-woo’s sister was important to him.

“I-I got it m-man,” Chan-woo struggled to spew out.

Satisfied, Namjoon let go of him, throwing him back on the floor. “Good. Know your fucking place, you piece of shit.”

As Chan-woo coughed, catching his breath, Yoongi and Hoseok stood back to watch in amusement. They never liked getting their hands dirty.

“Wash your hands, Namjoon,” Hoseok said, keeping an eye on Chan-woo’s face. “You don’t want to touch our precious girl with hands that touched such grime.”

“Fuck you, Hoseok.”

Hobi chuckled, entertained.

“Bye, Chan-woo.”

< before - after >

[synonymouswithanonymous]

double edged sword

Or is it multi edged? Another long post of my thoughts. 😛

So I find it funny that now Johanne is getting shit for decisions she hasn't even made yet. They're not even married yet (not that that really means much anymore when having kids) to have kids. But MAYBE they want to move her in so it'll be "perfect" like he said (I imagine moving is difficult during a travelling musical, but she's partially already there lol clothes wise). Then get engaged, be married for a little bit before kids and just enjoy the time together? Like a regular or Normal life!  Unless they want to have them right now. Their careers are going well. They've got projects lined up. I thought people were saying they're moving " too fast" lol? Now people are saying she's going to withhold babies from him? Give them a minute lol. Let them move at their pace, not yours. They'll live how they want to live.

They've moved the goalposts of hate once again. Maybe it's bc they look so happy? 😊 maybe it's bc she's moving in?

Now the hate narrative is going this way....Some have decided she only pretends to be motherly to trap Alex.  😂😂😂 Some have decided that her career is too big now for her to stop and have a child. Really? They can read minds through pictures and videos on instagram? 😂😂😂 again that's not how gut feelings work (in person contact is needed). This really makes me laugh. The mental rhythmic gymnastics behind hyper focused negativity towards this lady is astonishing.

But even COO's of F500 fame have children, as women. Ballet dancers start families and go back to their careers too. Actresses have been giving birth and going back to studios many times.

She could probably take 2-3 years off after Wicked and then make a comeback easy, for the right part. And considering Askepots success and her talent, they'll probably want her back too. 😊😊😊 same for Alex.

And with Wicked lined up, unless a surprise happens (I don't like using the word accident for a baby, but surprises!) 😊😊😊  I doubt they'd be actively trying for one right now (just a guess). What's wrong with that? Nothing. 

Also isn't this the same "fan" group/ haters that predicted she'd already be pregnant? Or will be pregnant any day now. 😂 Using that to "trap him" or "keep him." By estimation of these guesses she should've already given birth before Askepot premiered. lol. 😂😂😂

If she gets pregnant watch, they'll flip the script BACK again and say she did it to trap him, manipulate him etc. Even if it happens after marriage. Lol

the hate she gets is getting more irrational by the day.  But they keep changing up hate theories for them both, to recycle later. Rinse and repeat. 😂😂😂

Sidenote: I can't imagine if they get engaged and she starts planning a wedding and posts like Gee Hirst is posting for her wedding, how much absolute hate she'll get for posting anything. Anyway love Gee Hirst too, and I love her posts about her wedding, hair, dress and her ring! She's so happy! Makes me happy. 😊😊😊 But if Johanne ever does even a fraction of the same kind of posts for anything, the hate will flow through the haters like they're Palpatine.

Also I think most of his follower loss has been mostly from Bots. Meta deletes billions of bots every quarter from FB & IG so I don't think his numbers go down bc people are actively unfollowing him. It's just bots. Lol they target celeb accounts for some reason, and then get deleted. One article estimated bots account for 28% of the followers on celeb accounts. There's even a feature now for users to review and delete bots, maybe he's deleting them? Or Meta is. 😊😊😊 so I'm not sure why that's a big deal to some people either. Or proof that he's not taking care of fans, or its somehow magically her fault.

[unwrittenlibrary]

i don’t wanna do this (i don’t wanna lose this)

eighteen plus blog minors dni

summary -> it’s all fake, every piece of it scripted and perfected for the camera, even the upcoming break-up you pretend doesn’t break your heart.

words -> 2.5k

warnings -> fake relationship, use of name (bucky calls the reader by her character’s name, lucia, once) nickname uses (baby, sweetheart) co-workers/friends to lovers, no smut, not beta’d

notes -> this is for the lovely maera’s ( @ambrosiase ) hotel indigo writing challenge i absolutely love this idea mae and am so appreciative that you created this challenge, it really pushed me out of my comfort zone and i got to explore an entirely new au.  

room & service -> business meets pleasure with celebrity bucky barnes -> bucky and reader are co-stars in a fake relationship in a hotel for their final comic-con together.

— ➶ —

Bucky has been doing interviews with Sam all day today. 

You’ve been working together for six seasons and have both been to too many comic-cons to count. Every single one of them you and Bucky had been paired up to do interviews and photo-ops together. 

A scripted piece of a scripted relationship. Agreed upon when your characters romance began to pick up popularity and designed to look perfect until the end.

Tomorrow an article with be released ‘leaking’ the details of your perfect break-up too. A source close to the both of you will comment that wrapping of the show and being forced to go long distance just wasn’t working for you two. The writer will supply photos of today, the two of you avoiding sitting near one another and not speaking. They’ll write that their source confirmed this convention is actually the first time you’ve seen each other in months. 

Even more articles have already been planted periodically questioning whether the two of you were still together, generating buzz around the show and what happens between your characters. It’s a brilliant job, honestly.

Except, you and Bucky had been in a fake relationship for so long, it had begun to feel real. This distance between you two felt purposeful in a way that hurt you more than it ever should have. 

Your assistant is supposed to go through your instagram soon and begin archiving posts and pieces of your fake life with Bucky. He’s been glaringly absent from your social media recently and it makes your heart ache at the idea of him being nonexistent.

Your fans have noticed too. You read comment after comment all asking the same thing; What happened to you and Bucky? 

“Oh, Lucia! My dear, Lucia.” You bite down a grin at the sound of Bucky’s voice through your door. His words were filtered by the wall between you and a little slurred from the drinks he had no doubt consumed at the hotel bar. “Open the door, please.” 

You lock your phone and lay it on the bed beside you. “I’m busy, Bucky! Go bother Sam.” You call back despite already walking towards the door. 

“Bother Sam? On our last night together?” You can see Bucky smile teasingly though the peephole. Despite his joking tone the words hurt. “Four years together and this is how things end? Through a hotel room door?” 

His fist comes up to bang against the door and a hand comes up to his heart. He’s putting on a show for you, fully away of your eye watching carefully through the peephole. “How much have you had to drink, Bucky Barnes?” You ask as the door remains closed. 

Bucky holds his fingers up in a pinch too small to be true. “Not much.” When his hand falls back to his side he smiles up at the peephole. “Let me in, sweetheart. I’ve missed you.” 

You melt, becoming putty in his hand as you quickly move to unlatch the door. “I’ve missed you too.” You admit to him, face to face, as you lean against the door jam. 

A smirk replaces Bucky’s sweet smile as his hands reach out to grip your hips. “This break-up is tough on me, baby.” He pushes you into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. “One more night. One last time. You and me.” 

“Shut up!” You force his hands off of you and turn towards the mini bar in your room. “You’re such a dweeb. I’m glad we’re breaking up.” You pull out the miniature bottle of wine and twist the top off. 

Bucky’s hand slams across his chest as he falls against the wall in dramatic fashion. “You’re… Glad? My frail heart can’t take it,” he falls to his knees, “Please. Tell my mother, I loved her.”

You watch, unamused, as Bucky falls to the floor in front of you. “You’re obnoxious.” A beaming smile breaks out onto Bucky’s face that makes you grin.

“I was serious, about missing you.” Bucky moves to sit up with his back against the edge of your bed. You move to sit beside him on the floor. “These junkets and photos just aren’t the same without you by my side, cracking jokes in my ear.”

You rest your head against his shoulder. “Me too. I love Wanda, but it’s just not the same.” You admit quietly.

There’s so much that you want to say to him. What if this wasn’t fake? What if we didn’t go through with the break-up plan? “Did they send you our social media plan?” Bucky asks quietly.

“Yeah,” You swallow thickly, “I have my assistant going through my account for me soon. We’re supposed to start untagging and deleting photos of each other this week.”

Bucky snorts. “How fucking sweet. Four years together and they have us untag each other to confirm a break up.” His fingers tap against his thigh as the two of you sit on the carpeted floor together.

“Has it really been four years?” You ask quietly. It’s more of a question to yourself, but Bucky answers it with a nod anyways.

“My longest relationship ever and it was fake.” Bucky’s awkward laugh makes the air tense as he stares down at his hands. “I’ve wasted so much of my life. So many chances gone.”

You know the words aren’t said with ill intent, but that doesn’t stop the crack from forming in your heart. You can’t fathom the idea of all your time together, fake or not, being a waste.

Your eyes cut away from him in embarrassment. “Was it really all a waste?” You ask quietly. The words are unintentional, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re out in the air.

“What?” You can feel his eyes settle on you in an attempt to read your face or body language, but a career in acting comes in handy. Your back is ramrod straight and your face turned away perfectly to hide the emotions in your eyes. “It was fake when we could have had something real with people we actually cared about.”

It’s a knife to your broken heart. “People we actually care about?”

“You know, like, other girls and guys who we wanted to pursue but couldn’t because of the contract.” Bucky reaches out to wrap a hand around yours, but you pull away. “I don’t understand what’s wrong here.”

You shake your head, the regret of your words settling over you. “Nothing. I’m just… It’s been a long day.” You use the edge of the bed to help you stand while Bucky remains on the floor, watching you in confusion. “I’m tired, you should go.”

“Woah. What’s this one-eighty?” Bucky stands too and follows you as you move around to gather your toothbrush and skincare. “Two seconds ago we were joking about a fake break-up and now you’re all quiet and weird? You expect me to just leave?”

“Please.” You plead. The last thing you want to do is dump all your feelings out to Bucky, on the last day you two were officially contracted to each other, and make him feel guilty for feeling free. “I just need to be alone, Buck.”

You move to push past him towards your bathroom, but Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist. “Come on, sweetheart. Don’t do this closing yourself off thing.”

“I’m not.” You say stubbornly. “I’m tired.” You try again to move past him, but his grip only tightens as he forces you to actually face him. “Buck-“

“You can tell me, you know?” He says quietly as his grip slackens. Your eyes meet his, pools of blue staring back at you with something akin to hurt. “You can trust me. We’re best friends, right? You’re my-“

“You don’t have to lie to me, Bucky. Pretend to care. You can go back to the bar and…” You pull your hand from him and cross your arms over your chest. “And tomorrow we can start being with people we actually care about.”

Bucky’s eyes squeeze shut as his own words are repeated back and left out in the open between you two. “That’s not what I…”

“What did you mean then?” You cut him off. You want to sound angry, but your tone is sad and tired. “Enlighten me, please.”

“I just meant… I meant we could date who we wanted to date, I didn’t mean for it to sound so awful.” He answers quietly. “I care about you a lot. We’ve been friends for over half a decade, of course I care about you.”

You swallow thickly. “What if I don’t want to date anyone else?” You force yourself to ask. If not now, then when? Ten years from now at a reunion of your show? You couldn’t live with this what if.

“What?” Bucky’s hand falls from your wrist as he takes a step back like your words have burned him.

You push through the thundering of your heart and ringing in your ears to ask, “haven’t you ever thought about it? I mean, four years of just us, all those dates and premieres, was it really all just work for you?”

“I don’t know… I mean…” Bucky rubs a hand over his jaw as you stare at him expectantly. “Have you?”

“I asked the question I think that would imply…” You trail off as his answer weighs down on your mind. It feels like a no. No. No. No. It’s on repeat in your mind as you move to sit down on your bed. “After a while the dates and photos and sappy posts didn’t feel all that forced anymore.” You admit quietly.

Bucky paces silently in front of you. You’re unsure of what’s going through his mind as he does it and it’s all you can do to not tap anxiously as you watch.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He finally asks when he finally pauses in front of you. You look up at him unsure of what to say. “I mean… When did you start…” He trails off like he doesn’t want the answer.

You look down at your hands in your lap. Despite your worries in telling Bucky you guess you had never truly thought of this conversation ending up this way. All these questions felt like Bucky preparing for a gentle rejection.

“I don’t know. After our second anniversary?” You keep your answer to him vague despite you being fully aware of when you started seeing Bucky differently. “That post you wrote for me that day. All the ones after. All of those words were fake?”

Your mind drifts to his words that day. The sweet and short caption had made butterflies erupt as you scrolled through the photos he had posted with it. Despite you both being required to post something, the photos he had chosen had been entirely genuine.

Pictures the two of you had taken together on set, selfies during your fake dates, and even a sweet set of photo booth pictures from your first premiere together.

You had stared at the post far too long as emotions rushed through you. Your heart raced at the idea of Bucky taking his time to pick photos that meant something to the both of you.

“I think that..” You shake your head in an attempt to rid yourself of the painful reminders. “I think you should go.” You stand up suddenly, your hands pushing gently at his chest.

Bucky’s eyes widen as his hands come up grip your arms in an attempt to stop you. “Woah. Let’s talk about this. I’m just trying to figure everything out.”

“Figure it out? What is there to figure out, Bucky?” You cry out, shoving harder. “If you don’t know how you feel then you should figure it out on your own.” You move past him to open the door.

Bucky follows after you hastily. “Sweetheart, wait, please. I just need a moment.” You grip his forearms tightly using Bucky��s own momentum against him as you guide him to the hallway outside your room. “I wasn’t expecting this. We have articles and photos and interviews planned about a break-up tomorrow.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, Bucky.” The two of you are back where your night began. Opposite sides of the door as you stare, unsure of what to say. “Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay? The article will be published and we’ll confirm it and life will move on.”

The door slams shut in his face without warning, not giving him a chance to say anything else. You stare blankly at the ugly, green shade its painted in silence as you remind yourself; It was all fake. A script you had been given and followed to a tee. One you had gotten too caught up in.

You’re feelings don’t change the ending.

There’s a slow knock on your door. You suck in a breath as you move to open it an apology on the tip of your tongue.

“Bucky.” You’re cut off as his hands come up to rest on your cheeks and he pulls you towards him. Anything you had to say dissipates as his lips meet yours in a bruising kiss.

Your hands come up to grip his t-shirt tightly as you kiss him back your tongue slipping into his mouth while he pulls you flush against his body.

An arm wraps around your waist and Bucky pushes you back into your room, his foot kicking your door closed harshly.

The back of your knees hit the edge of your bed and you finally pull away to look at Bucky, but he speaks before you can say anything.

“Of course I’ve thought about it.” He breathes out. His eyes are wide with nerves and his cheeks flushed red. The sight of it mixed with his kiss makes your heart pound. “I’ve thought about kissing you for real, not in a room filled with crew and cameras. About what it would be like to be on a date where paparazzi hasn’t been tipped off. Baby,” his hands rest on your cheeks again as he forces your eyes to meet his, “I’ve thought about it all. What it would be like to be with you, to really be with you in every way. Sometimes it’s all I think about when we’re together.”

You take pause, your eyes widening and hands freezing in place as you listen to what he’s saying. “Why didn’t you say anything then? Why’d you just pace and ask me all those questions?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” He smiles brightly when you giggle. “Because I couldn’t believe you actually felt the same way. I was in shock.” He presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

You smile up at him softly. “What do we do about the article tomorrow?” You whisper your question.

You feel giddy with excitement as Bucky’s hands land on your hips to hold you in place, flush against him. “We deny it.”

“What about our managers?” Your smile doesn’t fade even as stress over the situation arises. “And…And our separate interviews tomorrow?”

“What are they gonna do? Fire us?” Bucky smiles. “We’ll tell them all about how in love we still are. That the source in the article was a dud and we’ve just been private recently as the show wraps.”

“We will?” You ask quietly. Your heart racing at his words. “You want to say all that?”

Bucky nods his head. “I do.”

You don’t say anything else he leans in for another kiss, you could worry tomorrow.

Bonus -> The Next Day

liked by buckybarnes, samwilson and 134,759 others

yourinstagram the final season of our show premieres this weekend and we’re so excited for you all to see how it ends. the first photo is from tonight and the second from our first season! the past six years has brought me so much joy and i’m so grateful for everything this show has given me. most importantly though, i’m thankful for you, bucky barnes. my adrian to my lucia. my best friend. my lover. thanks for making this show so fun.

View all 15,398 comments

samwilson we made a great show. love you guys.

buckyfan thought y’all were a pr stunt lmao

yourinstagram apparently you’re not supposed to really fall in love for those to work…

buckybarnes i am most grateful for you. you made work worth it every god damn day.

yourfan my favorite couple on and off the screen.

— ➶ —

notes -> this is my first ever time joining a writing challenge, it really pushed me to work through block and focus on this instead of letting is die out like i have with other projects despite liking them so much!

(hoping you guys don’t hate the extra instagram idea, i just felt it fit in!)

hopefully you enjoyed and if you did, reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[yesimwriting]

Dying Starlight

A/n: i dont think an audience for this exists?? ik it’s not shadow and bone related, but ive been reading red queen and i wanted to try writing maven and ive been playing with this idea. umm...on the off-chance that there is an audience for this i do think of this as more of a series but i’ll probably end up deleting this lol 

(Series?) Summary: reader is a childhood friend of Mare’s who isn’t officially part of the Scarlet Guard but gets captured by Maven. As a prisoner, she feels like her mind is being messed with as she begins to see a more human side of Maven. The new King tells himself the only thing he sees in her is that she’s a way to get to Mare, but something about her genuiness is infectious. 

-- 

Irony twists things. Right now, the irony that my last thoughts might be about how I wish I had been trusted with a suicide pill twist my impending doom into something almost comical. I’d laugh, but I’d rather not startle the rats in my cell. This has been their home for presumably years, but I’ve only been down here a few hours. 

I scratch the back of my wrist, staring at tired stone walls like they’ve done something to me. I wish I knew what time it was. How long have I been down here? How long has it been since I was separated from Mare? An hour? Three?Each passing minute strikes me like a bullet, but I can’t count them. I’ve never had a talent for accurately feeling the passage of time.

My head aches, frustration and dread tangling themselves in the pit of my stomach. Mare told me the Queen can search through someone’s mind, seeing memories even they can’t remember. What will they do when they see I know virtually nothing? What will happen when they see how close Mare and I truly are? i can’t do anything and the unknown hurts more than my bruised rib. 

The sound of the heavy door that divides the luxury of the castle from the wasteland of the cells creaks. I only let my arms flinch, moving from my side to wrap defensively around my stomach. Dull footsteps echo down the pathway that lead to the cell I’m in. I don’t cringe, not even when the sound of walking stops. 

I was not born into a rich family, but I was born into a proud one. Fear was practically a criminal act in my household. I’ve been trained to suppress all signs of weakness. My eyes don’t leave the stone wall, I mentally trace the pattern of a long crack in a specific rock. It reminds me of the slope of the Big Dipper. 

Will I ever see stars again? The answer leaves a sharp pain in my chest. 

“Mare told me about you.” 

The words jar me, my stomach dropping in revulsion. Mare had trusted him, and here he stands--successful because he’s a traitor. I know what it’s like to be the most overlooked sibling and to crave to change that. I know what it’s like to want to succeed more than you want air in your lungs, but I don’t think I’d ever betray someone. I like to think that there’s a line even the monster in me won’t cross. 

I don’t look at him, partially out of an attempt to protest and partially because I’m afraid of what I’ll see. “She might have mentioned you in passing.” 

His scoff is ridiculous. “She didn’t lie about your sense of humor.” 

That almost makes me wince. His words are too close, too personal. It’s like he knows me. I turn my. head, ready to cut through the uneasy beginning to get to the miserable middle if it brings me to the end faster. 

“You’re here to torment me, not make small talk.” Turning had been a mistake. I regret it instantly. His expression is unforgiving--cold, sharp, and made up of only angles. But that’s not why I stare. I did not expect him to be objectively attractive. The fine slope of his nose, the sharpness of his cheekbones, and the ice blue of his eyes. I need to snap out of this mindset. I’m sure his beauty will not be so distracting when he’s burning me. “Though some might consider that the same thing.” 

He scoffs again, the sound dry. The sneer of his lips does not diminish his attractiveness. The fact makes me loathe him. “I wonder if you’ll still be so prone to humor after you’ve been broken--any information of worth extracted from your thoughts.” 

“Let me save everyone the trouble and just tell you everything that I know now.” My back straightens despite the pain in my ribs. I look pathetic, dirty and in a torn dress. He’s regal, dressed in fine, all black clothing. “I know that Mare wanted to kill you today, I know that she needed a distraction and that her distraction needed to be expendable, which is why I’m sitting in front of you.” I squeeze my hands together awkwardly, a bit of genuine irritation rolling in my stomach. “That’s literally all I know, I’m not even part of the Guard.” I scratch the back of my wrist. If I were him, I wouldn’t believe that, but I’m being honest. How pitiful can one person be that they’re worth more disconnected from the group they work for than as an actual member? “You don’t take that kind of risk for someone that’s only skill set is in thought.” 

I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but I don’t regret it. Maybe he’ll think that my story is so pathetic it has to be true. “You have to know more than that.” 

“The Scarlet Guard only reaches out to me on a need-to-know basis, and anything worthwhile to you is something I clearly didn’t need to know.” In a way, I’m glad I can’t give him anything. “So are you going to kill me with a bullet or do you prefer more flamboyant executions?” My death should be plain. I am human completely--I bleed red and I have no powers. “I do think anything more than a simple death is more trouble than I’m worth.” 

His lips press together oddly, something beneath his expression tightening. “You don’t think your dearest friend will return for you?”

The sarcasm in his voice sparks something in me I thought only my sister could. “I think she has a lot of responsibilities and I wouldn’t blame her for having priorities.” 

His eyebrows draw together. “I think you’re painfully unaware of how attached to you she is.” I press my lips into a thin line. “She’ll come for you.”

Something selfish in me hopes that he’s right. No one has ever wanted me enough to come back for me. My mother wanted perfect daughters that knew how to only think in terms of trapping men with stable careers. My sister did it, but I could never manage, and to my mother that made me useless. 

“If you believe it,” I mumble beneath my breath.

I don’t know if he hears me. I can’t bring myself to care if he did. “For your sake, you better not have lied to me.” 

My back relaxes against the raspy wall, fighting down a grimace as the motion irritates my rib injury. “Cross my heart, Your Highness.” 

I watch him carefully, his expression turning into something much more grim. “A King is referred to as His Majesty.” 

“My father was a prominent war general and my mother only wanted daughters she could use to social climb.” I fight down a grin. “I know what I said.” 

His expression darkens into something bone chilling. “I am the King and you’ll refer to me as such or deal with even less pleasant circumstances.” 

I fight against the urge to cower, picturing Mare’s strength in my veins. There’s weakness in everyone, and if I squint I can see the thin cracks in him. “You have everything--the crown, the power, the support of the people, and it’s still not enough. You won and you still feel like you’re competing.” 

“You don’t know anything,” he seethes, practically growling. 

I shouldn’t press him, but the more he reacts, the more weaknesses are revealed. “I know what it’s like to have a sibling that’s the sun, and no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you’re always trapped in a shadow.” 

The lighting makes his eyes look almost glazed over. “My mother will be here soon and the truth will be revealed.” 

He can run from me, but not the truth. Cal has nothing, he has everything--the father that never cared for him is dead, and yet he’s still trapped. Our similarities hurt me more than my physical injuries. 

Maven turns, his gaze moving off of me feels like the removal of heavy shackles. “It would do you well to not press me. You’re worth as much whole as you are broken.” 

There’s the strangest hint of something more to his voice. I wonder if he’s speaking to more than just me. “You haven’t won until that voice in your head telling you that you’re not enough is silenced.”

“You’re a powerless girl who isn’t even wanted by a dying cause and couldn’t find a husband to drag her above the poverty line. You know nothing about me, and if you keep pretending I’ll slaughter you in front of your dear friend.” 

He leaves without another word. I fall asleep with my back against the wall and my ribs aching. 

[stansethandpaul]

Jealousy Jealousy (rewrite)

Angst -> Fluff: Embry Call x GN!reader

Summary: Embry gives y/n a slap in the face about reality after they constantly sulk about Bella.

A/N: I'm much more content with this one and I actually might end up deleting the other one, sorry about that. I actually took a lot more time editing this and didn't write this when I was burnt out compared to the other one! I'm just overall way happier with the other one because I knew that the other one wasn't my true capability.

warnings: angst (that's all I could really think of tell me if you see anything else!)

Masterlist

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

Constant notifications vibrated Jacob's phone as we sat on his couch together watching the movie on the screen. I shot him a look of annoyance, signaling him to check his phone which he did swiftly. His eyes shot open in surprise before he shot up from the couch and throwing on a shirt and shoes, hopping out the door as he attempted to put the last shoe on.

"Sorry y/n! Bella just told me she was free, you know what it's been like for her!" He hastily shouted out before sprinting down the gravel driveway.

"Bye!" I shouted back, trying to hide my disappointment.

I grimaced at the situation. On one hand, I knew how the sudden disappearance of the Cullens devastated her, especially Edward's sudden abandonment but this happened way too many times. But on the other, Jacob was like her puppy dog now, it was like I wasn't even his friend anymore, it was like our friendship meant nothing.

Knowing that Jacob wouldn't be back anytime soon, I got my stuff and locked the door behind me before driving over to Emily's place to surround myself in the livelier company.

"Sup y/n! Missed me didn't ya!" Jared boomed as I opened the door to which I replied with a "you wish". I chuckled at his dramatic pain as he pretended to hold his heart, eyes shut and face contorting.

"Know where Embry is?" Questioning the dramatic boy as I peered around the room to see if I could find any trace of the lanky boy, no luck.

"Finding your loverboy huh? With the deepest of regrets, I must inform you that he was put on patrol today." He said, mocking my curiosity over Embry's whereabouts. I stuck my tongue out at him to tease him before flipping him off and leaving to the porch to await Embry.

"Knock it off Paul, it's not what you think"

"yeah sure, and if it wasn't what I HEARD THROUGH THE MINDLINK then I don't know what else it could have been"

Their voices permeated through the thick fog as their silhouettes came into view, Paul's muscly tall physique was seen locking an arm around Embry's tall lanky but lean body.

"Aw buzz off Paul," Embry said as he struggled to get Paul's arm off of his neck. He laughed at his struggle before letting go as he noticed me, shooting Embry a smirk to which a slight blush came onto his face, only noticeable as they got closer. Odd.

"Sup Paul," I smirked at him before turning my attention over to Embry.

"And hello to you too wolf boy," teasing him to which he shot a glare at me before attempting to stifle his laughs.

Paul said a prompt bye before jogging into the house to fill up his appetite whilst Embry sat down next to me, his body warmth radiating. The cold air nipped at my skin, pushing me to get closer to the much warmer boy as I swung my legs into his lap and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Jacob left again?"

A sigh left my mouth at his obvious question.

Closing my eyes promptly, I answered with a short nod. A response that showed my true feelings after all these times of being blown off by Jacob.

We sat in silence, my eyes closed as I felt his shoulders move up and down in a rhythmic motion, lulling me to sleep almost. The deafening quiet seemed to almost suffocate us before I decided to talk.

"I don't know what to do anymore Embry, I'm always there for him when he needs me but, he runs to her at the drop of a hat or more like a single text message," I grumbled, reminiscing about the times Jacob's left me in the dust for Bella, excuses sprouting up.

"Why does everyone in this town seem to be so infatuated with her," expecting no response I kept going.

"Is it because she's Charlie's daughter? Hell if I was his child Jacob would be all over me too right? I'd be the hot topic of town too, people staring at me wherever I go, being suddenly accepted by the Cullen family and Jacob. I'd really have the best of both worlds wouldn't I?" Scowling at my own questions, I turned to Embry for answers.

"Am I not right?"

Silence.

"Helloooooooo, Earth to Embry?" I said, poking his cheeks with my finger. His brows seemed to be furrowed together, eyes lost in thought, his attention elsewhere.

There seemed to be no response from him to which I huffed and turned back to stare at the fog rolling in.

Closing my eyes to embrace the serenity once more, his lulling voice startled me.

“I don’t think it’s true.”

I turned my head towards him, curiosity piqued by his response.

“Let’s be real Embry, I’d have the best time of my life if I was Bella fucking Swan. Every guy would love me, all the attention would be on me and I wouldn’t be a second option again. Hell, I’d even be able to actually confess to my crush without fearing rejection.” Bitterness laced the last sentence as I satirically spoke my mind. Looking at Embry’s hands and wishing they were embracing mine, the sudden gesture of his fist clenching as his knuckles turned white shocked me, he was mad.

“God y/n, why the hell do you always need to compare yourself to Bella? She hasn’t even done anything to you. It’s always Bella this Bella that if I was her blah blah blah. Get over yourself, you’re not her and you won’t ever be. Learn how to appreciate yourself and live YOUR life and stop moping around. So what Jacob runs to Bella each time, you have Jared, Emily, Paul, and everyone else.”

A long silence suspended in the air.

“You have me and you come running, you never see the other people around you cause you’re too busy complaining. You can’t even see how much I love you cause you’re so stuck up about being Bella and being Jacob’s priority aren’t you?” Finishing his sentence, he proceeded to get up before walking away. Stopping before reaching the woods, his back faced to me, he spoke simply.

“Find me when you can learn to be y/n and not Bella.”

His form morphed before running into the woods on all fours, leaving me stunned. After a brief moment, tears flooded my eyes. I never got to tell him that I do like him, I never got to tell him that I just want his attention, I just wanted him.

Thoughts spiraled in my head, I was jealous of Bella for sure but I was jealous because of the attention she was given. I just wanted Embry to treat me like she was treated, I wanted to be special to him.

I ran home, I ran because I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be able to look at him properly.

Weeks passed as we ceased to talk, and I ceased to exist in the small town of Forks. Or so I thought.

I groaned as heavy knocks assaulted my front door, I picked up the phone looking at the time. Who the hell shows up at someone's house at 4am?

Throwing on a sweater and sweats, I dragged myself to the front door, the cold hardwood floor seemingly repelling me from ever making any progress. I swung the door open, grumbling as my eyes were half open wondering who it was.

Jacob Black.

Mentally sighing, I invited him inside from the pouring rain, he seemed devastated.

He sat down after he changed as I made him some hot chocolate to comfort him.

"She chose him y/n, he came back and she chose him over me. She drove to Italy for that stupid bloodsucker." His cracking voice was more than enough for me to grasp his frustration and devastation.

"I dropped everything for her, I did everything for her y/n. And she still chose the guy that skipped town huh?" Laughing bitterly at the situation, I stared at his cup before handing it to him.

"Maybe if I was better than Edward I would've won this stupid fucking battle," his words escaping his clenched teeth. He was like me, we were jealous of someone, someone that seemed to win everything, someone that we were not. The words spoken to me by Embry were words I carried with me even as I was moping over the whole situation.

"Stop comparing yourself to him, Jacob. You're not Edward and you won't ever be him. You're so insistent on being better than Edward or being Edward that you can't even see what's in front of you. I was always here for you Jake, I was always here but you treated me like I was a second option. You left me in a heartbeat for her but you never had time to spend with me, not even five minutes, when you were with her," I too chuckled bitterly at the ironic situation, me and Jacob were similar in many ways.

"Learn to live your life, don't live it for her or because of her, learn how to live it like you want." Those words seemed to resonate deep within both of us. After finally speaking those words, I realized that I was ready to live my life as y/n, a citizen of the small city of Forks, and not vying to be Bella, the new girl to forks.

I stood up, putting on shoes hastily before grabbing the handle. I could sense Jacob's attempt to stop me and apologize for his treatment but I knew better.

"It's ok, I know you're gonna apologize. I'm not going to accept, I want the Jake that will care and treat everyone with the same importance that you had for Bella. Come to me when you're ready, but until then I hope you grow and learn how to live your life."

I paused again, one foot out of the door.

"I have someone important to apologize to, someone that didn't leave me in the blink of an eye."

I hurriedly shut the door behind me before running to the woods, my lungs burning and legs aching as I forced myself to my limit. I ran and ran, visions of the houses slowly turned to trees, the crunching leaves under my feet reminded me of the days we would all run through the woods.

My breathing became labored as I was reaching my breaking point but it was close, our place was close. Then, in my distant vision, I could see it. That one pine tree, seemingly normal to many, but to me, it held our memories. The initials only reassured my assumption as I knew that he would be here waiting. As I got closer to the tree, my legs gave out under me, sending me tumbling to the ground whilst tree branches scratched my arms and ripped a hole in my pants.

"EMBRY! EMBRY I'M HERE PLEASE!" I shouted into the dark forest, eyes tearing up once more as I pleaded.

"I LOVE YOU EMBRY CALL AND I'M SORRY I WAS TOO BLIND TO REALIZE IT!" I shouted once more before crumpling closer to the ground, my tears now fully flowing and hitting the dead leaves below.

Maybe I took too long, maybe he moved on, maybe I was too jealous of someone to even realize his love.

As sobs continued throughout my body, the hope of him ever coming was diminishing.

I was too late.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of strong but warm arms wrap around my waist and pulling me up.

"Shhh, it's ok I'm here now."

That voice, I looked up to see Embry's face which held a dorky grin. I threw my arms around him as sobs still left my body, the emotional rollercoaster was far too much for me to handle.

"I-i'm s-s-so sorry Embry, I was too focused on trying to be Bella that I-"

"I know, I know, I heard it all," shushing me as he rubbed circles on my back consoling me. After what felt like hours in his embrace, I finally calmed down and only tear stains remained.

I finally lifted my head to meet his eyes properly this time, he stared back with tender eyes.

"You finally learned how to live for you huh?" He asked, not expecting an answer to which I was oblivious.

Before I could respond, he pressed his lips to mine. I didn't try and fight it and melted into it instead.

I was blind to be jealous of Bella when I already had something that she fought to keep.

Smiling mentally, I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

Taglist: @krispypotato @therandomficwriter @crackheadenergy101 @cole22ann @uraveragegorewhore @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx @theonlyabby02 @lendeluxe @sassybadqueen @myflicker @junitorials13 @leahishotclearwater @pillowjj @mangobubblet3a @fuzzy-panda @beautiful-1nsanity @asprinkleoffaithandtrust @remembered-license @gutflorizt @sassybadqueen @britty443 @tsukkiswifeey @uraveragegorewhore @blackqueens01 @asprinkleoffaithandtrust @remembered-license @alwayshave-faith @nichia88-blog

[blueskrugs]

Jump Then Fall | Jack Hughes

I am eternally soft for this kid, okay. this is not the original birthweek fic I had planned for him, but it is a bonus Swift Fic because I couldn't help myself. enjoy while I work on getting my shit together for the summer!

tagging: @marcoscandellas @stlbluesbrat21 @dembenchboys @poltoncarayko @robthomissed @letmeplaytheblues @troubatrain @ayohockeycheck @blackwidowrising @aria253264 @antoineroussel @starswin @glassdanse @ch-ristiane @majdoline @nazdaddy @hockey-more-like

length: 2k words

High school relationships never worked out. That’s what they always told you, at least, when you and Jack were young and in love. And they were right, sort of. You’d broken up not long after you’d both graduated, with Jack off to be drafted and you off to college. Except you’d stayed close, texting and talking on the phone often once Jack had headed off to New Jersey. He was one of your best friends, and you were thankful he was still in your life, but you weren’t sure you’d ever stop loving him, not really.

I like the way you sound in the morning We're on the phone and without a warning I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

Saturday mornings always meant long phone calls with Jack. You’d both wake up early and make coffee before spending most of the morning on the phone, talking about everything and nothing. Sometimes you wished more than anything that you could see his face, but you weren’t sure what would come spilling out of your mouth when you saw him.

One cold morning in December, you were pretty sure Jack had still been asleep when you called. His voice was slow and rough when he spoke, but you could still hear the smile in his voice.

When you heard him yawn, big enough his jaw cracked, you laughed. “Am I keeping you awake?” you asked.

Jack rushed to answer, “No, never.”

“Jack,” you warned.

Jack laughed. “We got in late last night, I’m just a little tired, I’m fine,” he told you.

“I can let you go back to sleep,” you said.

You heard Jack sit up on the other end of the line. “No way, absolutely not,” he said.

“We’re not even talking about anything important.” You’d mostly been stressing about the end of the semester.

“So? I like talking to you,” Jack argued.

You sighed. “You’re an idiot,” but it came out more fond than annoyed.

Somehow, that phone call lasted almost two more hours. Later, you wouldn’t remember what dumb thing you’d quipped that had made Jack burst out laughing, but you’d always remember the sound of that laugh. You’d wished you’d been able to record it, to have it to listen to on rough days, on days you missed Jack a little extra.

I hear the words but all I can think is We should be together

Jack was telling some story about his teammates. You were only half-listening, paying more attention to his face as he talked. It was late, and Quinn and Jack were home for Christmas. You and the three Hughes boys had taken over the basement for the night. Quinn and Luke were sprawled out on the couch opposite you, and you were buried under several blankets with your feet in Jack’s lap. He was using one hand to help illustrate his story, but the other was resting on your ankle, warm despite the chill outside, his thumb absently rubbing against your bare skin.

Quinn threw a balled up napkin at you, jolting you back to reality. “What’re you thinking about over there?” he asked.

“What?” You threw the napkin back at Quinn.

Luke chimed in, “Yeah, Jack’s not that funny, there’s no way you’re smiling at him.”

“Hey!” Jack protested. You dug your heel into his thigh, and he turned to grin at you.

You hadn’t even realized you were smiling. You always seemed to be smiling when you were around Jack, you couldn’t help it.

“Just missed you guys,” you said, grinning back at Jack.

Jack squeezed your ankle and went back to telling his story. You still weren’t listening.

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face You got the keys to me I love each freckle on your face, oh

When Jack first started growing his hair out, you hated it.

“No, why,” you said the first time you saw him that summer. Luke laughed from somewhere behind you.

Jack ran a hand through his hair and smirked at you. “What do you mean?” he asked. “You love my hair.”

You tilted your head, pretending to consider. “I’ve changed my mind,” you said.

Jack squawked, outraged and offended. He slung an arm around your shoulder and pulled you in close as you giggled and tried to get away. “You’ll pay for that,” he told you. You dug your elbow into his ribs until he let go of you.

Later that night found the two of you left alone near the bonfire as the sun went down.

“Hey,” Jack said. You locked your phone and tilted your head back to look up at him upside down. “Do you really not like the hair?” he asked.

You snorted. “Would you cut it if I said I didn’t?” Jack shrugged, not quite meeting your eyes. You sat up and twisted to look at Jack properly. “You wouldn’t, oh my God.” It was hard to tell, but he might’ve been blushing in the fading light,

“Just tell me the truth,” he said.

You looked at Jack, really looked at him. He was tan, a new burst of freckles dusted across his nose. He’d shoved a hat on since you’d first seen him earlier in the day, but you could still see how his hair was just beginning to curl at the ends past the nape of his neck. Jack stared back at you, blue eyes dark.

“I guess I could get used to it,” you said.

Honestly, you were so gone for him, you were pretty sure you’d end up still liking him no matter what he looked like.

When people say things that bring you to your knees I'll catch you

Sometimes you didn’t know how Jack put up with it all. From losing streaks to being called a draft bust to people questioning whether he was capable of being a leader, there wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t have to deal with some bullshit. You knew it wasn’t easy, but he rarely let it get to him. Rarely, but not never.

It didn’t surprise you when your phone rang after a rough game. You answered the FaceTime call without thinking about it, smiling softly when Jack’s face filled your screen. He looked tired, dark bags under his eyes and his hair hanging limply in his face.

“Hi, bud,” you said.

Jack closed his eyes and sighed, long and loud, scrubbing his free hand across his face. You’d been able to watch the game, had watched the blowout happen in real time, just another loss in this skid, in a season that had started out promising for once.

“I’m tired,” Jack whined.

“You look like shit,” you told him. Jack stuck his tongue out at you. “Do I need to get Ty to delete Twitter off your phone again?” you asked. Jack rolled his eyes, but you weren’t joking.

“No, I just-” Jack rubbed his eyes again. “Did you see what my plus-minus was tonight?”

It was your turn to roll your eyes. “Oh my God, no, we’re not doing this,” you said. Sometimes Jack wanted to forget everything about a shitty game, but other nights he got frustrated and wanted to pick apart every mistake he’d made on the ice. You dragged your laptop closer to you. “C’mon, open your Netflix, we’re watching a movie.”

There was some scuffling on the other end, with Jack accidentally pointing his phone at the ceiling. “Fine, but I get to pick,” he said.

You argued half-heartedly with him for a while, but he won in the end, and you settled on some movie you’d both seen a dozen times. It was quiet while you watched, a comfortable silence, heavy with familiarity.

“Hey,” Jack said lowly as the end credits rolled later. You’d been half-sure Jack had fallen asleep on you. “Thanks.”

You smiled tiredly at him. It was late, and dark in his room, and you could barely make out his blurry form on your phone. “Anytime, Jacky,” you said, but you meant, “I love you.”

You can jump then fall, jump then fall Jump then fall into me, into me, yeah

Your doorbell rang one morning in early May. When you pulled open the front door, there was Jack, hands shoved deep in his hoodie pocket, standing on your parent’s front porch.

“I thought you weren’t coming home for a few weeks still,” you said, leaning against the door frame. The Devils season was over, but Jack had told you he was planning on sticking around for a while or traveling some before coming home for the summer.

Jack took one of his hands out of his pocket and ran it nervously through his hair. “I’ve been thinking,” he said, instead of responding to your non-question.

You raised an eyebrow at him. You’d known Jack for years, and you could probably count on one hand the number of times you’d seen him be nervous. “Well, don’t hurt yourself with that, bud,” you told him.

He made a face at you, but it also got him to smile. “Will you just let me-” he started, but he didn’t finish his sentence.

“Hey, c’mon, let’s go inside,” you said, stepping back to let Jack follow you into the house.

In the living room, the TV show you had been watching was still paused, but you both ignored it. You sat back on the couch, but Jack stayed standing, awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“You’re freaking me out a little, Jacky,” you said.

Jack sighed and sat on the floor in front of you, leaning back on his hands with his legs stretched out in front of him. “I miss you,” he said.

“Jack, we talk every day,” you told him. “I’m right here,” you added softly.

Jack huffed and ran his hands through his hair again. He laid back for a moment, staring silently up at the ceiling fan as it slowly turned above you.

“Have you ever thought about getting back together?” he asked when he sat back up.

You thought about it a lot, actually, but you just said, “Yeah.”

“Do you think we could do it?” Jack asked next.

You hesitated on that one. You’d thought that, maybe, you could’ve made it back when you were in high school, but things were so different now. You’d listened to the opinions of others so much back then, had broken up in part because you thought that it was inevitable anyway. Could you make it through all that again? You still had a few years until you graduated, and New Jersey wasn’t exactly close.

Then again, you two were as close as ever. Jack had only missed a handful of your Saturday morning phone calls, and it was always just because of hockey. He was still sitting on the floor in front of you, looking nervous as he chewed on his bottom lip.

“I don’t know,” you said honestly.

Jack’s face fell a little. “Do you think we could try?”

“Yeah, I think so,” you said, just as honestly. You’d never been good at saying no to Jack, anyway.

Jack beamed, and you knew exactly why you still loved him after all this time. Jack leaned forward and tugged at your foot. “Hey, come down here,” he whined. “Wanna kiss you.”

“Or you could come up here?” Jack tugged harder. “Oh my God, you’re so fucking needy,” you laughed, but you slid off the couch and let Jack pull you into his lap.

His hands went to your waist, sliding under your T-shirt, and he smiled smugly up at you. “Hi.”

You pressed a kiss to his nose. “Hi,” you said back.

“Uh-uh, you can do better than that.” A kiss to his cheek. Jack rolled his eyes and put one of his hands on your cheek to drag you in for a real kiss. “That’s better,” he whispered, but you were already leaning in for another kiss.

[bonky-n-steeb]

𝐵𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸

𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴

𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙆!𝘽𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙔 𝘽𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙎 𝙭 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍 | 𝙈𝙊𝘽!𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙑𝙀 𝙍𝙊𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬:  Your life is as good as it gets. The perfect husband, the perfect daughter, the perfect job. But what you are unaware is that your husband is a deadly assassin and your long-lost friend, now a fearsome mob boss is hell bent on getting you back. But what you don’t know can't hurt you, right?

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦:  psychological disorder, PTSD, domestic abuse, yandere, obsession, violence, cursing. If you find any of this triggering please DNI. Also inform me if I left something out.

ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇᴛᴀ ʀᴇᴀᴅ, sᴏ ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ

My previous account was deleted so I’ll be posting the stories again. I’ll be changing this one, so yeah.

Inform me if y’all wanna be tagged!

As the Winter Soldier entered the house, his instincts kicked in. The house was too quiet for his liking. He kept the bags on the sofa and started climbing up the stairs towards your bedroom. Oh, how much he loved you. You had never left his side, not when he lost his arm, not when the guilt became too much to live with and he cried his eyes out near you while you said sweet nothings into his ears. He wanted to keep you by side always, he wasn’t ever letting you go. Soon he was going to ask you to leave your job and stay at home looking after him and Iris.  

He couldn’t stand to see the tired look in your eyes, how you managed everything, your job, your kid, the house and most importantly him. In the beginning he was afraid you wouldn’t love him, that you would only love Bucky, but you loved him just as much; though you were unaware that he existed in Bucky. Bucky was an idiot to let you roam free and be away from him, especially when the world is filled with cruel people. He was a fool to let you be friends with Thor or any man in general. You were only his and Bucky’s. He was Bucky only, but he was much stronger and capable than Bucky. He was the one who would protect you, not Bucky. The Soldat loved you much more than Bucky ever could.  

As he opened the door, he noticed you were in the bathroom. As he entered inside, for a second even he was shocked. You were sitting with your legs folded and staring wide eyed at his computer. He noticed you were watching his files and videos and you were so dumbstruck that you didn’t even notice him standing at the door.  

But seeing you watch him do the deed sent a weird wave of pride through him. He wasn’t ever going to tell you any of this, after all it was highly confidential and your life could have been jeopardized. But seeing you now, watching his skilled work with awe, made his chest swell with pride. He deserved to get his work appreciated by his wife; after all, he had put sweat and blood in it, and you weren't even aware, but not anymore. What he failed to notice was that it wasn’t awe on your face, it was unadulterated fear.  

He could clearly see as your eyes filled with tears and you pressed a hand on your face. He knew you were scared, but he would tell you not to be. For you, there was nothing to be afraid of him. As you started to puke, he went and held your hair in one hand while with the other he quietly shushed you. The last thing he wanted was to see you suffer. He wanted to protect you, keep you safe from the world, not hurt you.  

After you emptied your stomach, you slouched besides the toilet and huffed loudly. The tears from your eyes weren't stopping. “Peeking in other people’s stuff ain’t a good habit, doll.” he said calmly as he folded his hands while leaning against the door frame.  

Your eyes widened when you realized that it was Bucky shushing you all this while. But why would he do that, now that you had found his secret. Maybe he was being merciful before killing you. Wait, he was going to kill you!!! You had seen top secret information and there was no going back. You averted your gaze from him as you stared at the laptop. Another video of Bucky’s murders running on it.  

You couldn't exactly make out what the video was as your eyes were filled with unshed tears. “He had a big ass fence and four huge dogs guarding the house. But well, all dogs can be lured by treats.” he said shrugging as if he was talking about your neighbors' dogs and not of the person he had killed. And you realized he regretted nothing; he was talking about murdering people with pride rather than guilt.  

“Make it quick.” your voice was barely audible as pathetic sobs escaped your eyes. The Winter Soldier titled his head in confusion, “And what made you think that I’m going to kill you?” you looked up at him with even more fear. “I wasn’t supposed to see all this. And I’ve seen enough movies and read enough books to know what happens when you see stuff you aren't supposed to.” you shivered violently at the thought.  

The Soldier chuckled dryly “You are right, if they know that you’ve seen all this, then they wouldn’t bat an eyelid in executing you. But... who is going to tell them? Not me for sure. I just need one promise, you aren't ever going to tell this to anyone, no matter what, no matter whose life is at stake. You are going to pretend you never saw any of this. Delete all this from your brain right now!” he ordered.

His commanding voice sent shivers down your spine, “I promise, I promise not to tell anyone....... I'm sorry, please.” you had no idea for what you were apologizing or pleading for. “It's okay.” he said with a faint smile as he picked you up gently and you wondered whether it was the same man capable of killing people in the blink of an eye. As you quietly sat on the bed, you dared not look at him; he on the other hand was lovingly staring at you.

You wanted to tell him to give up this job and start anew, but you knew this wasn't the right timing. “Don't worry, I’ll keep you safe. You don’t have to do anything. Just sign your resignation and I'll turn it in. You'll be safe in this house. You don't even have to ever leave it. The hospital doesn’t even pay you enough for your handwork.”

You looked at Bucky with shock and betrayal, you absolutely adored your work. You wouldn’t ever give up being a surgeon and saving lives. You had spent years trying to reach where you were today, and you loved doing what you did. How could Bucky ever say something like that. He was always so supportive but well, he wasn’t the same Bucky he once was.

“You wouldn’t ever meet any other man. Doll, you don't know how this world is, there are lunatics, murderers and all kinds of bad people. But I’ve vowed to keep you safe and I will. Just don’t, just don’t stop loving me.”  

“You are joking right? You don’t mean that... do you?” You asked unsure of his words. “Why would I joke about this?” Your heart beat so loudly that you knew he heard it. To keep you inside your house like a prisoner, had he lost his mind? You enjoyed your freedom more than anything. And at that exact moment you realized that Bucky had utterly and completely lost his sanity.

“You can’t do that! I love my job and I’m not resigning anytime soon. I have friends for Christ’s sake. I have a goddamn life James! What the hell do you mean I won’t see any other men?” You lost your cool. Enough was enough. He couldn’t control your life; you wouldn’t let him.

You took a deep breath; you didn’t want him to misinterpret your next words and ignore you. “James, I believe it should be the other way around. I think it’s time you drop being a hit man. It’s not safe...” at your words he tilted his head and squinted his eyes. But still you continued, “It’s clearly dangerous. The things you’re doing, they could jeopardize all our lives, you, me, Iris. And the way you kill...” you cleared your throat and shook your head.

“It’s not safe for your mental health too. Look Buck, you think I don’t know, but I know you secretly cry at night. You feel guilty, so just stop now. We’ll work it through before it’s too late.” You said while rubbing his arm.

“Think about Rissie, she misses her dad so much when you are gone. Maybe take a job where you won’t have to leave and you can be with her so much more. Also... the lives that you’ve... umm.... they are taking a toll on you. You are not present with us anymore Buck, you stare off and don’t give a shit as to what we say. And it’s not just me that notices. You get irritated so quickly, it’s difficult Bucky. But it can all change if you want, Buck.”

Soldat’s talented ears ignored every word you said and only paid attention to the fact that you care about him so much. He doubted that you would get hysterical knowing what he did, but instead you were worried for him. You were ready to forgive him. He was the luckiest bastard.  

You saw his love-struck expression and you knew he wants listening to you. “Bucky...!!??? Listen to what I’m saying! Leave that goddamn job!” You lost your cool and yelled at him.

“Do you know why I took that job? They gave me a chance! They gave me my arm back. I would’ve hated being a burden to you and now look, I’m capable to taking care of you. You don’t understand, I can’t leave that job. They gave birth to me.” Your heart ached at his words.

“Bucky, nothing matters if I’m gonna lose you...!!! You are all that matters. And working for Hydra hasn’t fixed you; it had broken you even more. I miss my Bucky. Please, ple....”

At your words, the Winter Soldier snapped his head towards you, “What did you say? Huh, you miss who?” You narrowed your eyes and you couldn’t quite get the meaning of his words. “What? I said I missed Buck, you were so sweet not controlling, I just...” you stopped talking seeing the deadly expression on his face.

“That idiot Bucky is not going to save you! It’s me! I’m the one who will keep you safe. I love you so much more than Bucky ever has. Don’t you understand. Bucky is weak and he is not coming back.” You winced at his cruel words.

“James, you are the Soldat right now? You.... you need help.” You stuttered. At your words Soldat lost his cool, couldn’t you understand and accept his love for you. He raised his flesh arm and slapped you across the face. What was in Bucky that wasn’t in him. He was right, you only loved him as you thought it was Bucky; you didn’t love the Soldat. But he was Bucky, too right?

“Bucky!!!” You held your stinging cheek. You might have tolerated his words but how dare he hit you? You weren’t the one going to sit back and take his shit. In the heat of the moment, you slapped him back. “How dare you?” you screamed at him. He just closed his eyes and took a deep breath; he knew he had messed up big time. The Soldat was scared of one thing: your anger and resentment in him. He hated when he upset you.

“James enough is enough. I’ve had too much of your shit! All I try to do is support you and care for you. I literally handle this house, a job, I look after Rissie, and I take care of you like you are a child. Not once have I ever complaint.

James, I love you so much, but it’s so taxing! Love is not supposed hurt; it’s not supposed to be one sided. I try everything I can to help you. But you? You just don’t care! All you do is come up with stupider excuses. Keeping me home? Making me leave my job? What the fuck is wrong with you?” You shook your head and pinched your nose.

“Look James, I can’t do this anymore. I think we should take a break. We both need to breathe. We need to take a look at things from a different perspective....” before you could continue, he snapped.

On moment you were trying to talk some sense into him and the next you were pinned to the wall with his metal arm squeezing the life out of you. Your eyes widened and you desperately tried to breathe, but he had blocked your windpipe. “Jame...” you couldn’t even continue your sentence.

The Soldat was furious. How could you? How could you suggest that he leave you? You didn’t need a break, you needed him. Only him. And he was going to prove it to you. He wouldn’t let you leave. You started banging your hands on his arm but it was of no use. His eyes were dead, like in the videos. And that scared you more.

Finally, your arms gave out and you were on the verge of passing out. Yet that didn’t stop him, he was a madman with a point to prove. But then a small blood vessel burst open in your left cheek. And when Bucky noticed that, he came back to his senses.

He quickly left his grip and ran back, bumping into the bed. You sagged back down the wall, wheezing. For minutes or for hours you couldn’t tell, you both didn’t dare move. You were shivering and sobbing. And he was contemplating everything, how could he?

He wasn’t the Winter Soldier right now, he was Bucky. Why did the Soldat had to ruin everything? He was fine till it was limited to killing, but ruining his marriage. What could he ever possibly do to make up to you?

Bucky was the first one to speak up, “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I... that wasn’t me; or maybe that was. I don’t know. I’m so confused. You were right, I shouldn’t have joined Hydra. I... I don’t know what to say, what to do.... ,,.... please say something, don’t stay quiet. Please.!” He pleaded with tears in his eyes.

“Tell me, tell me what shall I say so that you wouldn’t snap.” Your voice was hoarse and it was hurting to even say one sentence. “You are right, we should give each other space.” His heart broke to million pieces, but he knew it was right. The Soldat could come back any moment and he was too unstable to stay with you and Rissie.

“I’ll... uhmm.. I’ll leave. I can come here for an hour everyday till...” he suggested. “Please, please don’t. You are too scary. Think about Iris. Just go to Rachel, you’ve denied it for too long and look at us. If she says you are stable enough, come back anytime. But... not before.” Rachel was your friend and an excellent psychiatrist. “Oh, okay. Forgive me please. I’m sorry...”

“Leave please!” You quietly observed as he picked up his duffel bag, which was packed all the time for emergency, and left the room. You got up and followed him, all while thinking of the beautiful moments you shared with Bucky. “Goodbye.” He said and you nodded as he left the house in his car.

“Umm, are you okay? I was worried, I don’t mean to pry. I just heard some commotion.” Sam said as he entered your front yard. Sam was neighbor and a dear friend. He had moved in soon after you had. But you had known each other much before that. He used to frequently visit your hospital with one reason or another. You guessed he had a thing for one of the nurses but he never agreed. He was a light hearted person and you enjoyed his company.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I appreciate your concern.” you tried your best to smile. His eyes quickly went to the bruises on your neck. “You don’t have to be formal, tell me. We are friends. Are you fine? Do you need something.” You couldn’t stop your tears at his concern.

“I’m not fine, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.” You said wiping the tears off. “If you need me, anytime, I’m just one call away.” He gave you a warm smile. “Thanks Sam. I’m so glad you are my friend.”

“You are hell bent on giving me diabetes with your sweet words, lady. Take care of yourself. I’ll be right next door.” He said as he saw you walk into the house.

He quickly exited your house and removed his phone from his pajama. He had to make a call.

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

You were in your own thoughts. Bucky hadn’t once called you or showed up in the past six days. You had expected him to come back the next day or at least call.

As you walked back home from the hospital, you didn’t notice the huge Greek god of a man walk straight into you. “I’m sorry.” You said out of instinct without looking up.

You stopped right in your tracts when you heard a familiar yet much affirmative voice calling your name. You turned around and stared right into his eyes. He had changed, become much much bigger and stronger than before. But his eyes, they were the same.

“Steve?!” you asked with sudden excitement. He gave you a radiant smile which instantly improved your day.

Lost in the joy of meeting your long-lost friend, you were both unaware of the pair of eyes keenly observing your every move.

[folkloreguk]

Mirror, Mirror (m)

A/N: I will never ever determine which body type the reader has, but I want every single one of you to know that it’s okay to feel empowered by the way your nude body looks, you’re absolutely beautiful and no size is a limit to how sexy you can be!!! You go queens!

words: ~5.4 (I’m sorry idk how to write short things anymore asdfgh)

genre: smut, optional bias (male) x reader (female), kinda fwb??, sexting

[H/N means “his name”]

There’s no feeling quite like the one of trying on your new clothes that just arrived in the mail and loving how they looked. Especially when said clothes were lingerie and you felt like you could conquer the world, even when you were just standing in front of your mirror at 7 pm after you had just stuffed your stomach with lasagna. And what better way to enjoy your happiness than to share it with your best friend?

In fact, you had two best friends. One, a girl who you could trust with your life, and two, a boy who knew all your deepest secrets. One of the central differences between the two was that you would never think about asking the former about his opinion on your new lingerie. You almost laughed at the mere thought while you went through your contacts list and selected your friend’s name and clicked ‘send’. “It’s new. How do I look?” you typed and sent quickly, before throwing your phone onto you bed. You were feeling sexy, but for the rest of the evening there was only one way you wanted to feel: Comfortable. So, you changed into your pajamas instead.

You wondered what she would say about your photo. Sending almost-nudes to your friend might have seemed odd, but for the two of you, it was a completely normal occurrence. You loved making sure you both felt beautiful and confident by complimenting each other. Happily, you walked back to your room after you had picked up some snacks in the kitchen. You grabbed your phone as you plopped down on your bed. While you stuffed a handful of crisps into your mouth, you unlocked your phone to check your messages. You had expected a text from your best girl friend, but instead you had received one from H/N, your best boy friend. Pure horror consumed you when you clicked on the chat and saw your almost-nude there. Sent at 7:01 pm. Seen at 7:05 pm. And worst of all, he had replied before you could have clarified the mistake.

H/N: Idk where this came from but…you’re hot

You: SORRY THIS WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

H/N: Okay that kinda offends me…you have a bf and didn’t tell me???

You: NO OMG THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING HELP…it was for GF/N just for fun!!!

H/N: Ohhh…in that case…

You watched the dots signaling that he was still writing while you were still wondering how you would ever look at him without getting embarrassed from now on. It wasn’t like the two of you never talked about sex. In fact, he knew a lot about what you liked and didn’t like in the bedroom. Not because he had witnessed it. But thanks to multiple sleep overs with late-night conversations, when your lips became a little loose, you had discussed more sexual topics than you had ever dreamt of. Your cheeks were still feeling hot when you received another text.

H/N: How do I look?

Without missing a beat, he had attached a photo of him. Shirtless. His hair was disheveled, as if he had just removed his shirt, which he probably had. His sweatpants hung low on his hips as he stood in front of a mirror. He had tilted his head a little, showing off his jawline while he gazed at the camera with hooded eyes. You felt more embarrassed with every second you kept staring at his body.

H/N: OMG sorry this wasn’t for you!!!!!

Now you could only laugh at his stupid message.

You: Stop making fun of me!!

H/N: I’m trying to make you feel better!! Do I not get a compliment?

You: Thanks and you look great…can we please NEVER bring this up in the future?

H/N: Sure if that’s what you want…but if you ever need someone to rate your underwear again you know where to find me

~~~

And he really kept his promise. The next time you hung out, he was joking about everything but your little accident. You were thankful. But not mentioning the memory didn’t automatically delete it from your brain. And that’s where your newest problem begun.

You had never really looked at him in a sexual way before – sure, you thought he was handsome – but after than one damned picture he had sent you, you seemed to see him in a completely different light. There were no romantic feelings involved. But something felt profusely wrong about the way you thought about sex when he reached for a glass on the highest kitchen shelf and a small part of his abs was revealed. Or the way you instinctively licked your lips when you watched him stretch his neck in front of you. Or how your head spun when he lifted his shirt to wipe away his sweat when you worked out together.

One day was particularly bad. He had asked you to go to the public pool together, and being his best friend, of course you had said yes. As expected, he made you laugh until you were crying, scream when he playfully wrestled you in the water and giggle when he chased you on the water slide. And yet, you couldn’t help but notice his body. You almost felt bad, but then again, it wasn’t like you adored his character any less. You simply had some added adoration for another part of him. What were you supposed to do when he looked this good acting out a comic character while you played charades in the water? You might have been laughing on the outside, but you could barely tear your eyes off his neck and chest. Lately, you realized, the amount of thoughts you spent on wanting to kiss him had become problematic to you.

When you returned home at night, you couldn’t deny feeling sexually frustrated. Not wanting to give in to the inappropriate thoughts about your best friend, you turned on a tv show to distract yourself. But before you knew it, you were spending more time looking at your phone than at the tv screen. At first you browsed social media, but somehow you mustn’t have payed enough attention to your unconscious mind. You had miraculously landed on his Instagram, and when that didn’t entertain you anymore, you found yourself going back to your text messages with him. When you started at the shirtless picture he had sent you, you regretted not deleting it and forgetting about it right away. You wondered if he could ever feel the same way about you. You didn’t need any romantic feelings from him, in fact, you had no interest in a relationship at the moment. But you had never wanted someone this bad before and it was driving you crazy. So, before you could have stopped yourself, you were typing a message to him.

You: what r u doing??

H/N: do you miss me already?

H/N: ok do you really wanna know?

You: shut up you usually message me first!! and yes I do

H/N: I was about to jack off but you interrupted me

You almost choked on nothing when you read his message. Pretending you didn’t care, you replied quickly.

You: oh no am I killing the mood?

H/N: I didn’t say that

You: ????

H/N: don’t take this the wrong way but if you ever thought about sending me nudes again now would be the time

You: are u crazy?? are you actually asking me for nudes rn

H/N: it was worth a try ok let’s go back to being best friends who would never hook up

If you were freaking out about his previous messages, this one made you lose your mind completely. What was he saying? As confused as you were, you were also equally as sexually frustrated as he seemed to be. So, without a second thought, you chose the latest underwear picture you had taken and sent it to H/N.

You: that’s the most you’ll get…I won’t send complete nudes

You stared at the three dots indicating that he was writing a message. It felt like five minutes had passed when he finally replied.

H/N: fuck you’re so hot

And then he sent another shirtless picture. His bulge was prominent against his pants and the sight of it didn’t exactly help you with the pent-up frustration inside of you. But maybe it didn’t need to, because apparently, he felt the same way about you. You wanted to tell him about it. But there was no way you would be sexting your best friend at 11 pm, horny and frustrated. You knew you’d regret it and you’d only end up being embarrassed the next day. With no idea what to send him instead, you opted for simply waiting to see if he would say something. But he didn’t. Whilst waiting, you looked at his picture again. His jawline, his shoulders, his abs…and his boner straining against his sweatpants. For a moment you wondered if he was thinking about you too. Was he imagining it was you who was touching him when his hand wrapped around his cock? The more you let your thoughts run free, the worse your frustration became. And before you knew it, your hand was between your legs.

~~~

The next day you went about your duties, trying hard to pretend the previous day had been nothing but a fever dream. Luckily, you weren’t going to see him for another few days, so you could already practice an explanation of why sending nudes to each other had been a crazy idea. You worried about whether you could ever be the same around him after what had happened. But no matter how hard you tried to come up with a good reason why you should never even mention it again, you couldn’t. You were best friends who found each other hot. So what? Things could be worse. By nighttime, you had changed your mind. You were in the process of getting ready for sleeping, when your phone vibrated on your nightstand. His name lit up the screen.

H/N: you up?

You: not for long…whats up

H/N: I’m sorry for what I said yesterday about us not hooking up and so on…I was tipsy and you know my loose lips when I’m drunk

You: there’s nothing you need to apologize for

H/N: I was being weird and creepy…you’re my best friend

You: and you’re mine…that doesn’t stop me from finding you attractive

H/N: so I didn’t creep you out asking you for nudes?

You: I sent them to you, didn’t I… so what do u think

H/N: btw…thanks for that

You: likewise

…

H/N: so you’d do it again?

You: you’re not drunk now are you?

H/N: no just horny

You: dude I was about to go to sleep

If this had been a random guy you were occasionally talking to, you would have declined the request right away. You were tired and didn’t exactly feel too confident in your physical state. Nonetheless, you walked over to your mirror, pulled your shirt up until your bare breasts were almost exposed, and snapped a picture. Maybe it was the fact that you knew he’d return the favor and send you something back, or the immense trust you had in him. Posing in different ways, you took a few more pictures before you jumped back onto your bed. Impulsively, you chose the pictures you liked best and sent them to your best friend.

You: the things I do for you

H/N: fuck you look so good

You: have you always thought like that about me?

H/N: have I always found you hot?

You: yeah

H/N: I mean I never not found you hot

You: thanks I guess??

H/N: maybe we should have done this way earlier

You: agreed

Your eyes widened when he sent you a picture. He was still in his underwear, but his hand was wrapped around his visibly hard member outlined by the dark fabric. You had wanted to sleep, but somehow after looking at the photo for a little too long, you were wide awake. Leaning against the headboard of the bed, you let your head imagine whatever came to your mind. Never before had you noticed how much you liked his hands. Or maybe it was a temporary thing, now that you were already thinking inappropriate thoughts. You imagined it was his fingers softly touching the inside of your thigh, squeezing your breasts and playing with your nipples. The first time you moaned his name quietly, your cheeks heated up. But the more you thought of him, and the more you allowed yourself to wish it was him between your thighs, the more natural his name sounded between your whimpers.

And the two of you didn’t stop there. You might haven’t had time to hang out with him for another week or so, but you were texting each other more than ever before. Almost every night, you sent pictures to each other. With every passing day and every time you came thinking about his body on top of yours, you became more comfortable. Your messages to each other turned dirtier with every day and every picture was a little riskier than the previous one. By the way you cried out his name every night, your neighbors must have thought you had gotten a new boyfriend. One that was exceptionally good in bed, by the sounds of it.

Now it was exactly one week and a day after you had first sent him a picture of you. You had just stepped out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around your body as you entered your bedroom.

One could’ve thought you were going to be less horny, the more time you spent texting him about your inappropriate thoughts. It should have gotten less exciting at some point, shouldn’t it? To you, it was the complete opposite. He was all your thought about at night. So when you noticed your phone on your bed, you couldn’t stop your urge. You grabbed it, unlocked it and went straight to your messages with him.

You: please tell me you’re alone

H/N: yeah I am…do u need something?

Even though his text might have sounded innocent to anyone else, considering what you had done for each other all week long, you instantly got excited.

You: I have a present for you but since you’re not here I’ll unwrap it for you

H/N: I love presents

You had taken multiple photos. Starting from your with a towel covered body, you had slowly revealed more skin to him, until you had dropped the fabric completely. In the last picture you were covering your nipples with one hand across your chest, making sure your slightly parted lips were in the frame as well. After you had pressed ‘send’, you got comfortable on your bedsheets, not so patiently waiting for his reply. You hadn’t been able to get him off your mind while you had been showering. Now you didn’t even need to touch yourself to know how dripping wet you already were.

H/N: this is what you do to me

You were surprised when you saw his message. He had attached a video. Up to that day, it had only been photos you had sent to each other. So, when you clicked the ‘play’ button, you almost felt nervous. But the nervousness changed into something wholly different within the first two seconds of the video. His hand was down his pants, clearly stroking himself. He wasn’t speaking, but even the simple sound of his breathing behind the camera made your head spin.

H/N: do you want more?

You: I wish you were actually here

A blink of an eye after you had sent the message, instant regret hit you. Had you crossed a line? There had never been serious talk of the two of you actually hooking up, although you surely had thought about it more than you wanted to admit.

H/N: me too

You sighed in relief. So he wasn’t thinking you were going too far.

H/N: but its late and we’ve got work tomorrow

You barely had time to even think about a reply. The sole fact that he was seriously considering coming over or letting you drive to his place right now only justified the saying “People want what they can’t get”.

You: you’re right…this will have to do

…

H/N: let me know if you need more

But you already had your hand between your legs, his name on the brink of falling off your lips.  

The next day, you were surprisingly focused on your work. Of course, you thought of him. He was your best friend, after all. Who would you have been if you didn’t wonder what he was up to or if you didn’t wish he was having a nice day? But that was about it. No dirty thoughts, no random sexual frustration at 2 in the afternoon. That was, until your phone vibrated in your pockets and you opened his message.

H/N: wanna hang out at my place tonight?

It was finally Friday. After over a week of not seeing him, you didn’t just want to meet him because you wanted him sexually. You missed his silly jokes and the way he made you feel careless after a stressful day. So, needless to say, you agreed.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen. Were you just going to hang out, the way friends do? Were you even going to mention your texts to each other? Your nerves were going mad when you drove to his place in the evening. It was a weird feeling to have about your best friend, you had to admit. But then again, you had every right to after the past week.

When he opened the door for you, you didn’t feel half as awkward as you thought you would. His hug felt the way it always did, and his room still was like a second home to you.

“Do you wanna order take out?” he asked.

“What’s in your fridge?” you returned the question.

“If I’d have to guess I’d say two eggs, half a bottle of soda and some yogurt,” he said. You laughed, already pulling up an app to order some food.

“Take out it is,” you grinned, falling onto your stomach on his bed. He followed your example. His shoulder was touching yours while you tried hard to focus on scrolling through the different offers of meals. But your look was drawn to his hands too close to yours and from one moment to the other, your mind was flooded with sinful pictures. You thought of him here, in this very bed, jerking off to the thought of you. Taking pictures of himself so you could do the same. Too many times you had imagined your face buried in his pillows, letting him hear the way you had been crying his name all week long, being able to make him cum with your own body and feeling his lips on your skin. Was he thinking the same things right now? Was he also struggling to focus on the simplest tasks?

“You’ve been looking at that chicken for a while now. Are you gonna order it or not?” he asked, making fun of you. How were you going to sit here, waiting and then calmly eating your dinner as if nothing was different? When you didn’t reply, he grabbed your hands along with your phone, making you look at him. You couldn’t instantly read his expression. All you knew is that in six years of friendship, he had never once looked at you this way. Inevitably, your eyes went to his lips and back to his eyes.

“Aren’t we going to mention this whole nudes-sending situation at all?” he suddenly asked, grinning cheekily. “What? You’re thinking about it too, aren’t you?”

You swallowed thickly. “Thinking about what, exactly?”

“How badly I wanted you last night,” he said. His face was close to yours. If you only bent forward slightly, you could kiss him.

“As in…now you don’t want me anymore?” you asked. He chuckled.

“Do you really think I didn’t want to push you against the closest wall and make out with you the second you stepped into my house today?” he asked.

“Then why didn’t you?” you asked, smirking and inching your lips closer to his. “Because I would have loved that.”

Instead of answering you, he finally leaned in to connect your lips. Within the first seconds you were moaning, and his tongue was on yours. You abandoned your phone on his sheets, swinging one leg over his waist to straddle him. He groaned into your mouth when you pushed your hips against his, your crotch rubbing over his bulge. Judging by the way you both reacted, neither of you had plans to take this slow.

His hands wandered over your sides and to your ass, squeezing it a little. You only moaned again, your fingers getting busy with his button up shirt. Teasingly, he bit your lip while he pushed your shirt higher, goosebumps rising on the skin he touched. His breathing became heavier when you let your hands roam his chest, pushing the fabric of his open shirt to the side eagerly. When you rolled your hips over his bulge again, you felt his erection more prominently than before, making you smile to yourself. For a moment you pulled away and pulled your shirt over your head.

“I’ve wanted to touch you for so long,” he confessed, watching as you discarded your bra onto the floor.

“Me too,” you agreed. He had sat up as well, and you helped him remove his shirt eagerly. “I’ve been wondering what your hands feel like.”

At your words, he pulled you back on top of him, playing with your breasts softly. You reacted, leaning over him, so he could take one of your nipples into his mouth. You whimpered at the way his tongue pressed against your sensitive skin. He gave the same attention to the other side, his breath leaving behind a cold sensation where he had kissed you.

Then, you bent to his level again, lips meeting in a needy kiss. You let his tongue lead yours for a while. Meanwhile, your hands sneaked to the waistband of his sweatpants. He hissed into your mouth as you grabbed his length through his pants, palming him through the fabric.

“Are you still into biting?” you asked, referring to a late-night talk you had had in the past. He smirked, nodding. Softly, at first, you nibbled on his neck, occasionally licking and kissing him. You got the exact reaction you had expected when you bit him, not to harshly, but probably leaving a purple mark nonetheless. He moaned and threw his head back, only exposing more of his neck to you. As time went on, you made your way down his chest and his stomach, settling between his legs. As much as you enjoyed hearing his moans and attempts to make you hurry, you were just as impatient, if not worse.

In one go, you pulled down his pants and underwear. He lifted his hips so you could fully take the clothing off his legs. Your mouth watered at the sight of him below you.

“If you had told me two weeks ago, I would be sucking your dick today, I would have called you a clown,” you chuckled.

“Look how the tables have turned,” he said, laughing with you. But his expression hardened the moment your hand wrapped around his length. You stroked him a few times, before lowering your head. Your tongue licked a stripe up the side of his shaft, until you opened your lips just enough to take his tip into your mouth. He cursed under his breath when you batted your eyelashes at him.

“Fuck, don’t look at me like that,” he said.

“Why? Don’t you like it?” you asked, your hand continuously touching him.

“I like it maybe a little too much,” he said, only making you grin. His expression read pleasure, his brows furrowed and his lips hung slightly agape.

“There’s no such thing as liking something too much,” you said. Purposely, you watched his face when you wrapped your mouth around his cock, tongue pressing flat against the tip. Steadily, you bobbed your head, your hand covering the rest of his length. His thighs were flexing under your hands and his stomach was rising and falling in an uneven rhythm. He propped himself up on his forearms, watching you intently.

“This feels so much better when you do it,” he said, followed by a groan when his cock touched the back of your throat for a moment. Your hand was covered in your saliva by now, eyes tearing up a little bit, but you blinked the tears away quickly. Every time you pulled away a little, you made sure to swirl your tongue around the tip. Right away, you had noticed the way he hissed at that specific action. Again, he cursed under his breath and you made eye contact once more. His lips looked pink from where he had been biting them and his cheeks were slightly flushed a rosy color.

“Oh my god-,“ he moaned. “I’m so fucking close.”

You bobbed your head faster now. After another few seconds you pulled away, replacing your mouth with your hand. The muscles on his stomach were tense and he had his hands balled to tight fists next to his body. You enjoyed his moans for a while longer, before you could feel him twitch in your hands. When he reached his high, he let his body fall back, his arms no longer able to hold himself up to watch you. The evidence of his pleasure spilled onto his abs and you slowly let your hand come to a rest. One of his hands was swung over his forehead as he breathed heavily. When you looked up at him again, he still seemed exhausted but was grinning from ear to ear.

“Give me a second and I’ll return the favor,” he said, sitting up. At his words you realized once more how much you wanted him. Quickly, he cleaned himself up. As you rolled over to lay on your back next to his sitting figure, you yawned briskly, getting comfy in his sheets.

“You’re bored? If you want we can also just watch a movie, or if you feel like-,“ he said with raised eyebrows.

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” You sarcastically laughed, rolling your eyes at him. “I’m open for whatever. Right after you’ve made me cum on this mattress.”

“Alright,” he chuckled, turning so he hovered over you. “I think we can arrange that.”

He went straight to kissing your stomach and hips, while he unzipped your pants for you. His kisses tickled you a little, but the sensation was quickly forgotten by how close his hand was to where you wanted him most. In order to let him take off your pants, you lifted your hips a little. When he had thrown your pants aside, he couldn’t hide the cocky grin on his face at the sight of your underwear.

“This looks familiar…where have I seen these before?” he asked innocently, placing his hand on the material. You flinched a little when his fingers hovered over your center. It was a fleeting touch, but the lack of attention had made you needier than you would have thought.

“Imagine I hadn’t accidentally sent you that first picture,” you said.

“I don’t even want to imagine that,” he said, his dramatic tone making you laugh a little. Abruptly, your laugh turned into a whimper when he pressed one of his fingers against your covered clit.

“I get that you’re in no rush anymore, but I’m not gonna lie, I am,” you said, wriggling against his hand. He chuckled again but seemed to obey your request. His hand slid into the hem of your underwear, fingers instantly coated in your juices. In response, you only hummed contently when he curled his digits against your clit. Within seconds you relaxed into his touch. You put one of your arms under your head and closed your eyes for a while. Now and then, he teased your core by almost pushing his fingers inside of you, but then not doing so. As frustrating as it was, you couldn’t help but moan at the feeling. With skill, he rolled your clit between his digits. His free hand pulled on your underwear slightly, but not quite enough for it to come off. You whined at his teasing, looking into his eyes with a pleading gaze. He watched your expression for a while, probably enjoying the fact that he finally had the real you underneath him, instead of having to stare at some photos on his cellphone. So he finally obliged, making you feel empty when he pulled his hand out of your soaked panties, but simultaneously thankful.

“You have no idea how many times I imagined doing this within the last week,” he said. Then, he lowered his head and took your clit into his mouth. You had only opened your mouth to reply, but the words seemed to be deleted from your brain before they had time to come out, replaced by empty curse words. He didn’t waste any time in taking it slow, but you couldn’t have minded less. When he inserted to of his digits into you, your toes curled in pleasure and relief. With the way you whimpered desperately whenever he curled them against your walls, he had found your sweet spot in almost no time.

For more than a week you had been imagining, demanding for his touch, so deeply that now you could barely think straight when you finally got what you wanted. His tongue could do so much better than your own fingers could ever satisfy you. It was the unpredictability that made this so much more enticing than when you touched yourself. Would he slow down for a while, giving your breathing time to calm down, only to suck on your swollen clit feverishly out of nowhere? Would he curl his fingers inside of you almost painfully slowly, or would he almost pull them out completely, only to slide them right back into your core, until your vision felt so blurry you had to close your eyes? The more you thought about how good he made you feel, the quicker you felt your orgasm approach. One of his hands softly stroked over your belly, a strong contrast to the way your insides seemed to tie themselves into a tight knot that took up all your attention.

“Oh my god- please don’t stop,” you only moaned. Of course he didn’t. He only hummed against your center, only adding to how incredible you felt. As much as you loved watching him between your legs, there was no force that could have kept your eyes from shutting anymore. Your back arched off the sheets and your hands tightened in pleasure when the familiar feeling washed over your mind. You whimpered and struggled hard to keep your legs from closing around his head. For a few seconds you were blinded by the bliss, until your sensitivity began to set in. You softly pushed his head with your fingers in his hair, and he slowed down and drew back.

It took you a while to come down and until your breathing had regained its normality. Your eyelids fluttered open, while he plopped down next to you. He swung one of his arms around your waist, an action he had done multiple times in the past – only now neither of you was wearing clothes.

“That was amazing,” you said. “And here I thought I’d forever regret sending you that photo.”

He chuckled. “Agreed. So, what do you say? Are we able to focus on what to order for takeout now?”

You nodded and laughed, hoping this instance wouldn’t be the last time this happened between you two.

[sofiaaaaaaaa03]

Goodbye

Pairing: Dan!Din Djarin x Teen GN reader

Request:

 hello ily u and ur writings are so great

uhhh may i request dad!din with a teenage reader (like, 15 idk) after grogu leaves with luke? like maybe comforting each other, and the reader asking what happens next, etc etc

just some good ol' angst fluff :] 💞

Scenario: After Grogu leaves with Luke the Reader and Din comfort one another after having to say goodbye.

Rating: PG

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 1,980

A/N: I love you!! Thank you so much for reading and I’m sooo happy you like my writings. And yes! I LOVED that Idea. I hope you don’t mind if I sort of went with my own thing for how the reader and Din argued a bit, it sort of just made sense in the situation??? Anyways, I hope you like what I came up with :))) I haven’t written anything in awhile so I’m a tad rusty. 

  Saying goodbye to each other was always something you’d always known would happen.  You simply chose to not think about it and greedily hoped that Din would not be able to find another Jedi who would take Grogu under their wing. In your world, Clan Mudhorn would never break apart and you’d three live together for a very long time. However, life in its mysterious ways is ever changing and never promises one’s future. It certainly never promised yours. 

You thought of this as you watched the Jedi in front of you. It was not just any Jedi, but a Jedi who was offering to take care of  your little brother. You felt your face blanch at the thought of Grogu leaving you and Din. The thought of you leaving this ship with only Din and the memories you’d made with Grogu terrified you. It couldn’t be real. It can’t be real. You shut your eyes tight, turning your head toward the ground before anyone could see your expression. 

“Y/N.” 

Din’s hand rested on your shoulder, when you’d looked up you were surprised to meet flesh instead of metal. He took off his helmet. For a moment there was nothing that mattered but the expression your guardian made. It was… sad. Tears pricked his eyes, something you’d never expected to see from him. Din gave you the tiniest of smiles and told you it was time to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Din held Grogu out for you to take. Slowly you accepted him close and relished one last time on what it was like to hug him tight.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuu, ner vod.” You whispered. During the time the two of you spent with Din he’d taken it upon himself to teach you Mando’a. It’d become a habit to show affection in his native tongue. Grogu cooed, leaning away to take in your face. You gave him a tight lipped smile, taking in his own. He’d grown so much. It was hard to believe that he was once a small little thing. “ I’ll always be your sibling. Don’t forget me.”

You sat Grogu back down on the floor and began to rummage through your bag before pulling out a small, plush frog, making Grogu’s ears perk up.

“Can Grogu take this with him?”

 Luke nodded, but Grogu made it clear that he wanted you to keep the plush when he wouldn’t reach out for it like he always did. Instead, he stared at you with his big eyes before gently pushing the frog back to you. You bit back a frown. You wanted to ask him, beg him to take the frog you’d put so much love into just for him. Instead you stood up straight and held the plush close to your chest, glancing again at Din who was holding a stoic expression. You forced a smile onto your face.

The goodbye was harder than you’d imagined. So was the deafening silence when the Jedi, his droid, and Grogu disappeared into the elevator. 

The moment the elevator door shut you snapped your head towards Din, but he turned his back to you and walked away. He wandered to the far end of the room and stayed there, quiet as he kept to himself. His hands fiddled with the darksaber that weighed more than you ever imagined it would before this mission began.

It was easy to forget that there were others in the room, though you were quickly reminded of their presence when they surrounded you to provide comforting words, some giving warm embraces and telling you about their own separations from loved ones. They reassured you that you would be fine in the end. You didn’t believe them. Fennec was talking to you, but your focus was on the far side of the room where Din was currently talking to Bo-Katan and Cara. You wondered what they talked about. You wondered what was going to happen now. Now, that the clan lost one member and had no ship to call home. 

Din would barely look at you when Bo-Katan and the other women left the cockpit, looking for supplies and scrounging up any valuable information left. That was assuming that there was no emergency delete button someone pushed in a panic amid the raid. You didn’t bother thinking about it long, as you stared at the back of Din’s head. He’d kept his helmet off, making it the longest that you’ve seen him without it. You stared at the helmet from where it sat on top of the mainframe. 

“Are you going to rule Mandalore now?” Your voice cut through the barrier between the two of you, making Din shuffle in his steps.

His back remained towards you and his tone was cold. “I don’t want to talk right now.”

You frowned, taken aback by this sudden attitude he’d taken on. “What do you mean by ‘I don’t want to talk right now’?”

“Exactly that.” 

“But I want to.” You crossed your arms. 

“It can wait.” 

His response came off indifferent as though he wanted to move on. For a moment you felt like you’d shut down, sure there were times where Din would behave like this coming home after a long day, too exhausted to deal with two children. But he’d never done this before. No. This was new. You didn’t like new. Not now, not when things were so uncertain for you.

“You can’t just shut me out so quickly!” You walked up so that you spoke to his back. “You’re not the only one who just went through that. I never wanted to say goodbye to Grogu. I didn’t think it’d be this soon, either. I didn’t think that. And now I don’t know what you’re going to do after this, where you’re going to go, if you’re going to let me go with you, if-”

“If I let you go with me?” Din turned to face you, eyebrows furrowed. “Y/N, of course you’re coming with me. You’re my foundling.”

“So was Grogu!” You exclaimed, suddenly realizing that tears were streaming down your face. The stress and grief were suddenly catching up to you and it showed, causing Din to raise his hands up a little. He slowly lowered them, seemingly in thought. He sighed, and gently pulled you to sit down with him on some chairs by the mainframe. You felt ashamed of yourself for crying in front of him, but didn’t say anything. Instead you were wiping your tears with your shirt as you waited for him to finally speak.

“You know Grogu is too strong with his magic to be left without training.” Din scratched his ear, eyes downward so that you couldn’t see the tears pricking his eyes again. “You… you’re only a kid. You remember that, right? You need me to protect you before you’re strong enough to leave the clan.”

You stared at him with big eyes as though you were pretending to process what he was saying. But you understood what he meant. He had the best intentions for Grogu and he has the same intentions for you. You were lucky to have someone like Din. The cloth of your shirt suddenly caught your interest as you stared down at it, playing it in between your fingers.

You sniffed, rubbing your arm across your nose. “I’m sorry for yelling at you…”

“It’s okay, Y/N.” Din wrapped an arm across your shoulder and pulled you close. As you settled into him you rested your head against his shoulder, waiting for him to say something though he never did. Maybe he was thinking about Grogu. It wouldn’t be a surprise. Anyone could see how much he’d grown attached to the little thing, despite his initial response to having to care for him. 

“You’re a great dad…” You whispered, playing with the frog in your hands. Din smiled warmly, something you missed as you continued to look down.

“Do you remember how happy Grogu was when you gave him that frog?” Din’s voice made the armor he’d dawned vibrate slightly. It ticked your cheek. You liked how it felt.

“Mhm.” You nodded as you made the frog dance in your hands. It’s chipped, mismatched buttons stared back at the two of you. 

“When I was young I used to lose my toys all the time.” 

You looked up at him, “But that was before the Mandalorians took you in, right? Weren’t they, I dunno, strict about toys?”

“No.” Din looked off, watching the stars that decorated the space they shared. “If they found a kid that still had their toy with them  they didn’t take it away. In my clan, every child had a toy of their own, to help make their transition easier, though I kept losing mine.” 

The two of you shared a small laugh. Din shook his head and looked at you fondly. “Grogo went everywhere with that frog. It meant so much to him. Guess it was because of you.”

You didn’t say anything. A warmth began to spread through your sternum at Din’s remarks. You hugged the frog close to your chest. It still smelled like Grogu. The same, earth-like geranium that followed him around. He knew that you needed the plush more than he did now that you had to say goodbye, and you were thankful for that.

 “Are you going to miss him?” 

“Of course I am.” Din nodded solemnly before he turned towards you and ruffled your hair. “But we’ll see him again.”

A moment of silence falls upon you two, one of the mainframes makes a sound and the security shows the women entering a room on the other side of the ship. They were covering good ground and carried several bags of what was assumed to be supplies for their next mission. Would Din be a part of that mission? 

“So, what happens now?” You inquired, glancing up at him. “Are you going to rule Mandalore?”

Din looked up and inhaled deeply as though he was pondering the question. He must have made some sort of plan prior. But his possession of the dark saber meant that plans had now changed. “I never expected to become a… king. Though, there’s not much to be king of.”

Behind closed doors between Din and the adults you’d hear bits and pieces about what the Empire had done to the planet. Though you were heavily uninformed, you had a good grasp that the planet was practically not worth ruling. 

“Are you going to go with Bo-Katan? She wants to take back Mandalore. With you as king it’d be fitting.”

You didn’t miss how Din grimaced slightly at her name. “What?”

Din pushed himself up and motioned for you to follow as he grabbed his helmet and began walking out. He draped an arm across your shoulder when you caught up to his pace. “Bo-Katan doesn’t seem to be all too happy with me having the darksaber. I should keep some distance and wait for her to cool off.”

 You whispered a small ‘oh’ and looked ahead. Guess he wasn’t going to go with her then. “So we have no plans then, great.”

Din glanced at you, “ What do you think we should do?”

Your mind flashed back several days ago to when you’d barely escaped being destroyed along with the razor crest. “I miss the ship.”

“You and me both.” 

“Do you think we can find a new one?”

“You can’t just find a ship, kid. It’s gonna need some credits.”

“Yeah but technically you’re a king now! Use that royalty of yours and get us one.”

“That’s not how it works kid.”

“You don’t know yet! You’ve been king for what, five minutes?”

“Maybe I will leave you here.” 

“No you won’t. You love me too much to do that.”

[krabmeat]

I have not written anything in some time - since I took a break from my writing account, actually (now deleted) - so cut me some slack here. I’m gonna format this in the same way that I did my old fics for that jolt of serotonin. So, if you would be so kind to indulge me, this is how I (niceimafan) would have submitted this work on fandoesfictionwriting:

What War Does || (platonic) Father Figure c!Phil x Teen gn!Reader

A/N: This is my submission for the 100 follower milestone of the lovely @/krabmeat! Krabs (Damien today) is an amazing friend of mine and is quite possibly the best human being in the world. (Go follow him if you haven’t already!)

War struggles paired with the classic familial miscommunication, what could be better as a way for me to get back into writing? This takes place around the time of Doomsday, or the final battle/destruction. Also I can’t remember if Wilbur’s room was still there at the time of Doomsday because I have goldfish memory so pretend it was if it wasn’t.

Requested: No

{Word Count: 1,946}

CW: intense arguing, mentions of war, mentions of death, cursing (up to the f-word), caps, use of godforsaken (I don’t know if people get triggered by that? I’m not religious so I wouldn’t know), very brief mention of spit, less than great relationship with father

This is an xreader fic!

This has been proofread. (skimmed rip I don’t like reading my writing)

- In which Y/N and Phil argue about Y/N and their right to participate in Doomsday. -

Phil works away high in the sky, loading cannons with enough TNT to detonate a nation. He, Techno, and Dream have everything planned out; you know because they did all of the planning right in front of you. Meaning you know everything they are going to do, and you aren’t even allowed to be involved.

You avert your eyes from your father and pick mindlessly at some grass instead, feeling the cold breeze of afternoon cool your flaming temper. For a moment, it appears as though everything might be fine, like you could get over this and let the Big War Men do their thing. But then Phil’s boots appear in front of you, and it’s all ruined again.

“You look miserable,” he says. Phil finishes his sentence with an airy laugh, trying to convey that he’s trying to joke with you. And so you make sure that the gaze you shoot him ensures he understands you do not find him humorous. Phil sighs, taking a seat beside you.

“Look, I understand that you want to help. I do! But I also understand that people with a spirit as strong as yours have risen to unimaginable heights, only to crash back down onto the blade of loss. And I fear that you will be no different.” Phil places his hand on your shoulder. “I just want you to be safe.”

You shrug him off, turning your neck so fast to glare at him it leaves a sharp stinging sensation in your movement’s wake. “Safe? You want me to be safe? No one is safe here, and you know that.”

“Y/N, you know-”

“What, Phil? What do I know? Because according to you, it doesn’t seem like a lot.” You stand after that, stomping off in an attempt to clear your mind, hoping Phil won’t follow you. But, of course, he does.

“Y/N, wait.” He shouts, but he makes no move to speed up or stop you. He simply follows along at a distance, saying nothing else. Probably waiting for you to make the first move. But you refuse, you refuse to let him win this and watch you break again.

And so the two of you walk in silence, you with no destination in mind and Phil’s footsteps echoing yours calmly in the distance. All you can do is follow your feet to wherever they find fit for this argument to play out.

To your amusement, you find yourself in Wilbur’s old room. Where he blew up his dreams for the first time and where Phil took the life of his son. How fitting.

You finally come to a stop, taking a brief moment to collect yourself, before spinning around on your heel to address your father. “Ph- Phil?” It does shock you to find that Phil isn’t there. He’s not standing behind you with a small, comforting smile, or with his eyebrows pinched together in a way that lets you know you’re going to be scolded. Nothing.

“You dress like him, you know.” Phil says from behind you. You whirl around again, reaching for your sword on instinct. Phil stands with his hands clasped behind his back, staring out over the soon-to-be battlegrounds.

“What?” It feels like you’ve lost all air in your lungs. Phil doesn’t just say things like that, especially not to you. And of course you know who he’s talking about; Techno doesn’t wear tattered trench coats and Tommy hasn't adorned ripped up fingerless gloves to protect from burns, to your knowledge. But speaking of Wilbur when referring to another child of his in this room in particular hit you in a place you have not yet built walls in.

“Wilbur. You dress like him.” Phil turns around, and you finally see that his eyes are watering. But he still has that sympathetic smile plastered on his face. “Every day, you remind me of him. And in doing so, you remind me that I can not let you turn out the way that Will did.

“Wilbur was changed by war. He destroyed everything he worked for because of it. And for that to happen to you, with such grand dreams and ideas, it would be heartbreaking.” Phil can’t maintain eye contact with you anymore, “I just want you to be everything that Wilbur couldn’t have been.”

You let his words sink in, and as they do, you begin to fight with yourself.

He just wants to help you!

How, by comparing me to his dead son? Yeah, something about that doesn’t feel right.

Just hear him out.

You grit your teeth, balling up and releasing your fingers into and out of fists. “I am not Wilbur.”

Phil shakes his head, rubbing the place where his eyebrows crease together. “I know that, and that’s not what I’m trying to sa-”

“Yes, that is exactly what you just said!” You begin to raise your voice, getting tired of this stupid game you two are playing with each other. Lying about what you’re really talking about to try and avoid the inevitable. “You just compared me to your dead son that went crazy and blew up everyone’s homes! The one that sold drugs out of a damn hot dog van!”

The air around you seemed to heat up as tensions between you two started to rise, Phil clearly getting more angry as well. “You are not Wilbur, but you are my child!”

“Oh, am I? Am I, Philza? And how long have I been your child for, huh? My whole life, a year, a few months, just this past hour? You have been trying and failing to be my father figure because you just see me as some rogue that could get too far out of control unless you’re there. Isn’t that right?”

“No, of course not. I just-”

“No! How could I have not realized? You just want a replacement! Someone to fill the hole that was left in your poor old heart when you stabbed your son through the chest.”

“I love you, Y/N, you don’t understand! You are like a child to me, you always have been! From the moment that I met you, I saw greatness in you. I swear, you mean more to me than just some replacement for Wilbur.”

Tears burn your eyes, the singular one that fell leaving a streak through the gunpowder and dirt smudged on your cheeks. You shake your head and scoff, unable to believe that this is the conversation you are currently stuck in. “Phil, that’s the kind of bullshit that you have to tell yourself in order to sleep at night. But guess what? It doesn’t work on me.”

“It doesn’t have to ‘work on you’, it’s just the truth, Y/N. I don’t know how I can get you to believe me.”

“You can’t, Phil.” You say, trying to ignore the way your voice cracks. “Because I have believed people, and then those people have either died, or tried to kill me, or both. So you know what I did? I grew up, Phil. Because THAT is what war does. 

“It doesn’t make you write sad song lyrics on the walls, it doesn’t make you love your father figure oh so dearly, all it does is make you realize that there is more in this world to deal with than whatever any one person can do. And once you wrap your head around that, you realize that the best you can do is make the smallest of dents, and hope some other people do the same. That is how this world works, Phil.

“And do you know what my dent is going to be?” Phil has blurred by now. Once you blink the tears away, you can see that he’s crying too. Good. Now you’re really on the same page. “Blowing up this godforsaken nation once and for all.”

You turn to walk away again, hopefully for the last time, but Phil actually makes a move to stop you before you can get anywhere. “Y/N, I refuse to allow you to go out there and risk your life for a war already fought.”

“No war is already fought until people are dead.” You snap at him, resisting the urge to spit on his boots. “Besides, I can handle myself, I don’t need you to tell me who I can and can’t fight.”

“Y/N, I am your father!” Phil’s voice practically echoes through the entire SMP as he shouts at you, finally just as mad as you wanted him to be. You’re convinced people on the other side of L’Manberg can hear you two arguing. “Listen to me, you can not risk this.”

“YOU ARE NO FATHER TO ME!” You scream, getting your face as close to Phil’s as possible while still being able to look into both of his eyes. Phil’s eyes widen, whether in pain, shock, or both, you don’t know, but he quickly recovers with a stare solid enough to cut through stone. 

“Do NOT turn this argument to family matters when we are discussing life and death!”

“This is no longer a discussion, dad,” you make sure to add as much venom to the name as possible, “We are not talking this out like a father scolds his young kid about what they can and can not touch in the house. We are screaming, and shouting, and ruining relationships like adults.” You try one more time to walk out. This time you make it down to the ground floor, but Phil follows you yet again, stopping you before you can reach the Prime Path. 

“You aren’t an adult, though.” Phil’s voice is softer now, he sounds like he’s on the verge of defeat. “You’re still a kid. You shouldn’t have to deal with all of this.” 

“I was made an adult because of this damn war over some stupid place, I should be able to fight for it’s destruction like one.” You also stop shouting, but you don’t soften your voice. You keep it as firm as it can be despite your wobbly crying, letting Phil know that you are no longer playing games with him like you used to.

“I know that you could. I do. But that does not mean that you should.”

“Awwe, you really think so?” You feign a high-pitched voice, even clasping your hands together under your chin. “You honestly think that I can handle something more than a boo-boo, huh?”

“You know that I am making no attempt to infantilize you, Y/N. If you’re such an adult, you need to grow up. I do believe that you could fight for us, but I do not see it as wise.”

“Bullshit,” you say again, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve. Phil tries to speak again, but you cut him off. “No. No! No, I don’t want you to tell me over and over about what I can and can’t do. About how you think I could be a good ally to you. I already know that, because I can make my own decisions. 

“Do you know what I do want, Philza? I bet that’s something that your infinitely wise mind can’t think of. All that I want, all that I have wanted for the past SIX. FUCKING. YEARS. Is for you to just take me seriously for once in your damn life!”

Philza stands there in silence, seemingly dumbfounded, and you take this as your chance to stomp off for good. But you know full well that you’ll see Phil tomorrow. On the battlefield.

But you won’t be fighting for him, or Tommy, or Wilbur, or any of them. Tomorrow, you fight for yourself, and you win for yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DUDE WHAT?!?!?! INK THIS IS IMMACULATE HOW IN THE- WHAT THE F-CK THE WAY YOU CAPTURE THE ANGER AND FEELINGS AND HESITATION OF THE ARGUMENT IS SO WELL DONE!! AND THE FLOW OF TRANSITIONING FROM ONE SETTING TO ANOTHER ISNT CLUMPY OR FORCED AT ALL, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL INK! AND THE BUILDUP TO THE QUOTE, THE WAY YOU REALLY EMBODY ALL OF THE CHARACTERS IS SO MASTERFULLY DONE DEAR, AMAZING JOB!!!