#was using this show as a podcast while i drew but actually watched the last ep bc we finally gt some insight

[hemorrhoidbabe69]

brooooo animebros need to die what do u mean u hate the only interesting character in the series just bc she tried to kill the protagonist for her own goals a little. wheres your sense of adventure

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I can't believe that my dedication to collecting any bits of connection between John Oliver and British comedy have somehow, until today, missed the fact that he did RHLSTP in 2021. I listened to it for the first time today and enjoyed it.

First of all, I have to address this, because I consider myself a pretty thorough historian of John Oliver's pre-America work, and I have absolutely never heard of this thing that John claimed was at some point broadcast:

Whatever the hell they're talking about (weird panel thing where apparently Richard Herring drew rude things while he was supposed to be working like Jamie MacDonald on The Thick of It), which John Oliver claims has been broadcast, it's definitely not on IMDB. I've done a fair bit of Googling in the last hour, and became convinced that this is a dream John Oliver and Richard Herring have both had, given that in all my extensive archaeology of John Oliver's British career, I have never, ever heard of this. (I enjoyed the talking shit about Mark Dolan, though.)

Then I realized: actually, I think I have. Because I have once before found myself looking at John Oliver's IMDB page for a Channel 4 thing from the correct time, and been surprised to find nothing there. That would be when I first heard the radio show Daniel Kitson's Listening Club, and Kitson got my hopes up in one episode by saying he'd have his friend John on the following week, but then the next week said John had to miss it to film some Channel 4 thing. This surprised me, because those radio episodes were from February 2006, and there is nothing on John Oliver's IMDB page from 2006 besides Mock the Week. And nothing British from 2007, so it's not like he could have filmed it in February and then they just took a year to put it out.

I've just gone back to find that again and cut out the relevant clips:

(Please note: You do have to ignore a very 2006 use of the word "gay" during this clip, which I justify based on the fact that Kitson did like saying that ironically back then, which isn't good, but I was in high school in 2006 and given the million times a day I heard it said unironically, by 2006 standards, if you were putting some irony in your "gay" slur usage then you were doing better than most people. My general view on Kitson's former penchant for ironic bigotry is you cannot hold people to everything they said in 2006.)

That tracks. Daniel Kitson described a show for More4 that John Oliver did not like. So it did really happen. But Google yields nothing, checking various combinations of "John Oliver Richard Herring Andy Zaltzman Mark Dolan More4". Adding "2006" to that search doesn't do anything except let me know that in that year, all three of those men were nominated for multiple awards (Richard Herring: Worst Radio Personality, Mark Dolan: Worst Podcast, John Oliver: Worst Stand-Up) for terrible comedy by an extremely judgmental message board (that now has much nicer people on it, really, you can't hold a comedy forum to everything it said in 2006). I tried throwing in Andy's name as it sounds like he was there too, it didn't help. I'd love to know what this was. It sounds terrible and I want to watch it.

Anyway, the rest of the RHLSTP was good. There was some chat about times they've worked with Pythons, mainly focusing on the nice ones (Palin and Jones), that I enjoyed. Some re-hashing of stories I've heard before but always enjoy hearing again, about old Edinburgh previews that went very badly and John pulled out the story of that time he had a 100% walkout at one. I once again heard John Oliver tell the story of how he ended up on The Daily Show, and like always, the story is basically "I don't know someone just called me", making me wonder how he could have gone all those years and not asked Jon Stewart how it happened. I noticed that this time he didn't add the detail he usually adds, with is that he's heard a recommendation from Ricky Gervais was involved. Not sure if it just happened to not come up, or if by 2021 he didn't really want to keep making that association.

And there was some stuff near the end that I found really interesting, about The Mash Report's cancellation and how tricky it is to get away with political comedy on major networks, particularly the BBC with its balance rule, and how lucky John feels to have the independence he's granted by HBO. This went along with some broader discussion of how John Oliver gets away with and/or enjoys taking stupid risks and getting in trouble for comedy, which also ground I've heard covered before but always like to hear about. Some veneration of Dan Harmon that I could live without, though my roommate and I did re-watch the first few episodes of Community the other night and it reminded me of how much I love that show.

Oh, and they discuss some of the terrible movies John's done. He even briefly defends The Love Guru, which I have never heard him do before (not the whole movie, just claims there are a couple of funny bits, which is a small change from the outright disowning it that he has rightfully done every other time I've heard him discuss it). And, for the first time that I've heard, gave a bit of an explanation of why he did that terrible movie, which was basically that there was a writer's strike on and he needed work especially with his precarious immigration status, and he liked Mike Myers and didn't know it would be terrible. Fair enough.

They also discussed The Smurfs, they gave me a companion clip to go with this clip from The Bugle, the Bugle clip that I have often described as the absolute cutest shit I've ever heard:

(Separately from it being so adorable, this clip also contains Andy Zaltmzan using one of his favourite nicknames for John Oliver, "The Hostess with the Mostess", which I remain convinced was the inspiration for the "Hostus Mostus" title card on Last Week Tonight.)

They gave me a companion clip to the most adorable podcast clip in the world! From almost exactly 11 years later, he confirms that the story told in the above clip is true:

...Awwwww. Awww. Aw you really did mean it. You guys. You guys out there getting 100% walkouts on Edinburgh previews and nominations for the worst comedy in Britain by some people in 2006 on a comedy message board for people who hated all comedians besides Chris Morris. You remembered, even 11 years later. You guys are the best.

Richard Herring: You seem to be the same person as you were ten years ago. I’ve seen a lot of people go to Hollywood and… John Oliver: I haven’t gone to Hollywood! Richard Herring: …or to America, or become very successful, and change quite a lot. Do you still feel like you’re the same John Oliver who died at all those gigs? John Oliver: I think so. I still fundamentally identify more with failure than success.

[peoplesrazor]

Someone mentioned this video recently, suggesting it for Ant to react to, and it reminded me of something I wanted to talk about. I won't be covering everything she says, but this is the video where she talks about The Owl House and Luz's trauma. I may make a few other points, but her section on Luz starts at 7.29.

First though, just a quick note about Korra. I was never a big fan of the show, and didn't watch much of it. But I have seen enough, and have watched enough other media, to counter some of her poison here.

So, let's go over torturing the main character. I'm not playing Lily's little game here and purposely using a provocative term. That's an actual writing tip. Torture your main character. Particularly, a morally good character. You have to test them, make them someone who is in danger, who gets hurt, who can fail and still have them not only win, but do so while keeping their morals in tact.

Especially, when your character is something akin to a super hero like Korra. You have to make that torture...well, more torturous. That's my counter for everything she says about Korra. She's the main character, that's why her beatings are shown and other people's aren't, and she's the Avatar, so just getting punched in the nose once is not going to cause a lot of narrative tension.

Once again, you get weird here. There is a point to be made about the way they decided to go with Korra. You could have pointed out that this show put a lot of focus on the Avatar and politics. And you could even make an argument that they didn't handle that well. You could have said that if they were going to go that route, they could have toned down the fighting a bit and not done things like had a killer robot. There have been a few times you have started down that route when talking about this show. Sadly, you always circle back to the scenes of Korra getting beaten and tied up.

Who is it that is really obsessed with the torture here, Lily?

Okay, on to my jam.

I'm not going to bother with the Psych 101 and disorder stuff that she hasn't the background to get into. That shouldn't even be in a video about a cartoon. She even uses text at one point to give advice, and also to admit that that part isn't even criticism. Lily, if you want to make a video about histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and why isolating when you're depressed may not be the best thing for you, just make that video. Don't use your minimal knowledge on the subject to diagnose fictional characters.

The sleep paralysis demon Dana Terrace drew isn't real, Lily, it can't hurt you.

I'm going to cut to the chase here, feel free to watch the Luz section to see if you think I'm correct. This basically comes down to Lily preferring season one Luz's trauma response to her response in later seasons. I admit, Luz's take-no-prisoners, I'll do it myself, I don't need your permission to kick butt, response in season one is pretty cool. Especially the way she stands up to Belos in the finale.

You know what season one Luz probably wouldn't have been able to do?

Stare down Belos silently as he melted in the rain. I think early Luz would have had one of two responses. Either she would have tried one last time to save the jerk, or she would have been proactive and been one of the people stomping on his head. She had to go through her own trauma because of him to prevent the first response, and she had to have been given ample time to pull herself out of that trauma to have the sense of self to avoid the second.

And Lily, you gave the impression in your last Owl House podcast that you liked this scene.

Why did her response change? Because she did. She got new information, devasting information, and it changed how she saw herself. That wasn't the start or the end of the burden's weighing on her, though.

Throughout Season Two, she begins to feel more and more pressure. The timeline is pretty morose. Being stuck on the isles. Feeling like a burden. Feeling responsible for what happened to Eda's magic. Her promise to come home and stay. Missing the anniversary of her father's death. Not finding a way to make a new portal. Finding out about helping Belos.

Then she gets separated from Eda and King and her friends are separated from their families. Also, they released a literal child God and don't know what he's doing to everyone they care about. Just more and more and more.

As a result, she pulls back. Little by little she loses some of her positive traits and picks up negative ones. This, is called a negative character arc. As I've said before, it's very unusual for a heroic protagonist to go through this kind of arc. It's even a little ballsy for a cartoon to do so.

So, yeah, they aren't wasting time or getting a thrill by putting Luz through hell. They are giving the audience someone they can relate to. For the kids, it might not hit till the future, for the adults it could be a memory from the past, but for the teenagers? It's what a lot of them maybe going through now. Because, yeah, being 14 feels like you're living in Hell sometimes. Everything that goes wrong feels like it's the end of the world, and you often feel like it's your fault.

My opinion, anyway.

Also, Lily, you clearly liked her first more proactive trauma response better. Cool. Cool. Why then would you talk about her depression arc while showing a scene of her taking Hunter's place so she can face Belos alone? You know. A thing she would have totally done in Season one? That thing she did do in Season one. Did you have trouble finding enough scenes of her being sad to use, because it didn't happen as often as you are claiming?

Asking for a friend.

This ended up being a long one. I might make another post in the future and touch on other stuff related to this. What Lily says about Amity breaking up with Luz because of her behavior. Whether the people around Luz should have confronted her more often and so on.

[adultswim2021]

VACATION

Oh, hello there. Oh, this? I'm just using this online shopping website to look at some birthday cards online. You see, it is my birthday on Thursday, and it's one of the ones where the number has a zero at the end of it, and I'm looking for the perfect card that I can demand my family and friends all buy for me, so I can have "one happening birthday". Finally!

I've taken some time off work, and I'm more-or-less going to dedicate the weekend to taking a couple of day trips and doing some other things I've put off for a while. And, I just realized, this would be much easier if I didn't have to worry about updating this while doing all that. So, I'm taking this week off, effective last night when I was GONNA do a post, but then I realized I didn't have all of my research materials handy, and it took all night to get those things downloaded, and then it was late, and also I wanted to watch seven episodes of "Tanner '88" instead.

So this is my announcement of my intent to not post, probably until next Monday. Some of you might say "that sucks dick", but it's a dick that we all have to suck.

So here's a big Mail Bag post:

In reference to my pondering about Marc Summer's absence in a Robot Chicken sketch about Double Dare:

apparently they did get marc summers for some later episode. i know this because i watched him interview tim heidecker on some webshow/podcast he has and i remember him bragging that he'd been on robot chicken and asking tim if he ever had, and tim kinda going "uhhh, no, i don't think so" lol

LOL. Tim & Eric couldn't be more at odds with Robot Chicken. I am going to guess that when they were younger and much more "punk rock" they probably shit talked them when being interviewed for cool magazines like Time or Zillions.

One time my job hired a guy with whom I had maybe one of the worst personality clashes I ever had (I am a demon from hell and I have zero ability to not show it when I'm annoyed or angry with somebody, sorry to that guy I wish I weren't like this okay), and he got it out of me that I liked Adult Swim and he immediately tried to talk to me about Robot Chicken, and I was like "I don't really watch that show" and he immediately asked "don't tell me you like that Tim & Eric crap!"

whats your favorite thing you bought at a second hand store to make yourself not look like a looky loo

I have a B&W video monitor I bought at a garage sale. It's beautiful, very flipable, but I paid 5 bucks for it and like how it looks. VHS tapes actually look amazing on it. I wanna figure out a way to rig it up with some kind of raspberry pi machine that just loops old cartoons on it or something.

did you do something to the banner? it seems more...expansive.

I tried to get it to display more "properly" because it bothered me how pixelated it looked but I think I sorta fucked it up. I tried to change it back but tumblr's edit feature sucks. I guess I should just do an AI upscale or something. But yes I shittily drew on it to make it look wider, you caught me.

Me love the way you walk sometimes The way you talk is so hot Now you know let’s have a shot of rum Then me can make you come With me to the ocean That would be phat You can be my bow cat Nice ital breeze Bring you to your knees We're jammin'

punani likers everywhere, this one is for us

That's Shenmue 3, dipshit

Dang it, you are right.

Brownies was probably the best episode they did that season and I was surprised they weren't willing to do that style of show for the entire series. It seemed more like what Adult Swim wanted from them?

Something for "da" stoners... as a weed-taker myself., I would have to agree!

When was the last time you POGGED off?

What bitch?

Lol I was being silly telling a stupid joke. Chapotraphouse has the ice cream as his sound bite now.

I tell you this guys, I had a weird dream that Toonami Tom said he would sponsor me I'd have to sell out and let him hold the Adult Swim 2021 brand. And I'd have to suck his dick. It was a disgusting dream. No Tom, I would never do that in real life.

[letrashbag]

I woke up at like 5:30-6 this morning and then I spent 2 hours cleaning my whole house, which is so therapeutic I cannot even, but now its like 10 o'clock and I have nothing to do.

Anybody else ever get that feeling of something just like itching in your skin so you have to do something, but the second you try doing anything it just gets so much worse. I am barely holding it together right now, actively typing this.

I can't watch youtube videos (short dumb videos aren't engaging enough and long serious videos are too engaging), I can't listen to a podcast (I need something to do physically with my body and the thought of listening to something while doing something else sounds like actual torture right now), I can't draw (I need to be listening to something and again the idea of having more than one thing take my attention sounds miserable), doom scrolling is out (I already reached my end point for tumblr and going down any other rabbit holes will only last a couple of minutes before I'll reach the point of wanting to tear my hair out), there's nothing I can clean or organize that will take enough effort to engage me but still be quick enough that I'll feel a sense of accomplishment for, I can't read an online comic because the words are so small and my eyes hurt, I can't read my webtoons because it's been a while since I've read anything and the idea of having to catch up sounds exhausting, any shows or movies I could watch are either too new and would take emotional effort to get invested in or are too familiar and won't be stimulating enough.

Basically I'm gonna die.

There are literally a million things I could be doing, and the idea of doing any of them sounds absolutely miserable. But I'm barely staving off the rising pressure by typing this out and I know the second I stop it'll creep up and I'll die.

Maybe I could go running? Except then I'd have to change clothes and my exercise clothes are disgusting. I can't do laundry cause my family's dryer is broken, so I can't wash my clothes yet. I also can't wash my towel so I can't take a shower.

Ugh, my hair is so disgusting right now. I have it all tied up in a weird way so that I don't rip it out of my scalp. I can't wait until I can shave my head, then I won't have to worry about this.

So I can't do my self care activities, and I can't accomplish a task that is very important to my everyday functions, and that's breaking me brain.

Noted.

Maybe when I rant like this I'll figure out what makes me feel this way.

I'm so tired, I want to take a nap, but I know I won't be able to fall asleep. I want to clean some more, but there isn't anything for me to do really. Especially since I have family members out and about getting in the way. UUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It's fine.

I'm fine.

I'm doing great.

I'm losing my mind.

Maybe I should write poetry? I haven't done that in a while. But it sounds too involved. I already drew a bunch of angsty stuff after the fight with my mom. We're both just ignoring it by the way. I'm avoiding her as much as I can without making it obvious, and neither of us are addressing it. I only have one more week and then I'm gone. I'm so excited to leave.

Okay, I think this is it.

My brain is giving up on me.

I knew this wouldn't last forever, but it lasted for a bit, and for that I am grateful.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay, I'm done.

[stillgeekingout]

part 2~

I finally actually read all of pride and prejudice, it was great everyone was right lol. also I made character playlists for it for sara’s bday but I also just like them

speaking of playlists. ingrid and I went back to working on our narrative playlist project and we are now hopelessly invested in it lol. all of the playlists are done as of last week but more things to come. also I put together a box of props based on the characters for ingrid’s bday but also for me (are you sensing a theme lmao)

I wrote a song!!! I have always wanted to and never succeeded but I did do it and I think it’s good. I probably won’t ever do anything with it but it exists. maybe in 30 years I’ll write another one. or maybe sooner if we do our OLS thing

we went to a couple of Musical Mondays at a theatre near us and sang in their open mic competitions (and didn’t win but it was fun)

I thought last year was concert year but this was truly concert year. concerts I saw this year: lucius w/ingrid & my mom which was CRAZY good and we were super close and then they came into the crowd and stood right in front of us, aly & aj with ingrid, muna in atlanta which was my first time going to a concert alone (it was still fun but I prefer not going alone), twice in atlanta with shannen and ingrid, black midi with ingrid/sara/sara’s dad lol, and tessa violet w ingrid and the people we made friends with in the crowd (this one was also really small and cool). we started listening to chappell roan like the week she was in orlando and it was already sold out rip. also darren came to orlando but I didn’t go to that either bc it was his christmas show and I don’t care

I lost my beloved yellow water bottle in an airport :’(

I feel like I didn’t really go feral over any tv/movies this year? we watched not dead yet and taskmaster but idk there weren’t any new-to-me shows that I got super into. I was underwhelmed by barbie…. nimona was good and I’m glad it exists but it didn’t Hit Me the way I think it hit other people

one of my parasocial relationships got to the point where even I was like ok this needs to stop

on the flip side my other parasocial relationship is going great on bluesky lmao 

my sister was in indonesia the whole year! :o I miss her a lot! in september we were the depression bros

I saw snow for the first time!! we went on a roadtrip to virginia and north carolina to see friends

got addicted to fb marketplace and got 2 new armchairs (and the infusion tea couch)

ingrid and I took spanish in the fall but the teacher was bad so I didn’t learn very much spanish

our roommate stayed for a second year, she is chill

shannen moved farther away :( but we still got to hang out

we did 2 friend group powerpoint parties

I guess I can’t not say it…. the eras tour took over my entire social media feed which first gave me fomo and then it was fine and then annoying but it did make me start talking to hannah and now we are friends outside of ingrid :)

also this was My Year for taylor’s versions, speak now and 1989 are The Ones (even tho I don’t prefer the new versions)

ingrid and shannen FINALLY finished corey & sherlock. and I read it and it was fun despite also being A Time because it fell during my depression month rip

rory was born!! the first baby in my Vicinity in a looong time

obligatory bullet point for muna bc I love them… I’m still not a podcast person but I listened to so much gayotic this year. yeehaw silk is my roman empire

saved it for the end: my goal in 2023 was to write a lot of my rough draft and I did it! we went to see manatees, we went to st augustine multiple times, I read seasons of real florida & braiding sweetgrass (until I had to return it to the library lol) and I researched weaving and made a connection through an infodump match blog and drew an insanely detailed castle map… working on this book is occasionally stressful but mostly it’s just fun!

did a lot of writing in the beginning of the year and then stagnated for a while and then I was looking for a distraction from work hell and rainbow convinced me to do nanowrimo on a whim and I completed it!

I was in a writing group with someone I used to rp with on forums when I was like 13. WILD

anyway 2023 was a lot but a lot of good things happened too. I hope this year to stress less about work and just focus on what I can control, like my house and my book etc. my mom keeps saying “ready for what’s in store in 2024” so I made up a mcelroy year title for her which is “20 what’s in store: the adventure awaits”. personally idk if I want an adventure this year so I’m sticking with fungalore hearing my wish to get a lot of writing done. if you made it this far I hope you have a year of human connection, restful sleep, and good snacks. peace and love <3

I was gonna be like "would you believe it's my 10th one of these" but apparently tumblr has a CHARACTER LIMIT now????? why would they nerf me on the year I decided not to worry about how long it was

anyway I guess I'm splitting this in 2 so reflections on 2023 part one~

let's start with work bc then I want to be done with it: I spent all year doing trainings (& 2 conferences) and researching and preparing to apply for an advisor position if it ever opened up. it did open up in spring, I applied and did not get it, the new advisor was not good and got fired, I applied again having done much more training and still did not get it, I applied for a different advisor position trying to triumphantly leave my office and did not get that either. so now I’m still in my same position working under the person who beat me for the job but this time with a bunch of extra responsibility that I gave myself trying to prep to be promoted. lol. if I sound very bitter it’s because I am :)))) 

all that being said, I do still mostly like my job from day to day. and I still want to do advising, probably. if they’ll ever hire me for it

related to work but less bitter: I had mostly good relationships with my coworkers. one of them was pregnant for a lot of the year and just had her baby last week and I’m very excited to meet her (we went to her baby shower despite all her friends being Very Christian lol it was a time) (this coworker is uhhhh A Lot but it’s complicated lol). I got to be on the hiring committee for another coworker which was a cool experience and also she is very nice. got closer with another coworker who I previously had kind of a tenuous relationship with (and now she works fully remote so it doesn’t even matter) (jk)

another thing I did in my quest to Be Hireable was basically take over supervising the student leaders (work study students) at work. shoutout to esteban, isa, aar and sheri lol

I have inherited my mother’s trait of getting attached to problem children. there are several students who are a recurring Thorn In My Side but also I’m rooting for them

last work thing that is only tangentially a work thing: I became the advisor for GSA at my campus and now I have a bunch of queer college students under my wing. a few of us walked in pride which was my first time being in the parade and it was wild. also we had an event for trans awareness week and I am proud of them for coming up with it :)) more exciting things to come this year. feels good to have a little corner where I can provide support in the face of so many attacks from the FL govt

let’s get the other big bad thing out of the way! my mental health was shit lol. I briefly was doing virtual appointments with a therapist in the spring but it mostly just made me feel weird and untherapizable. (as in, I didn’t feel like I was getting much out of it but I think part of that was that it was zoom calls from my car on my phone during lunch breaks) although it did lead to me leaving my phone outside of the bedroom at night and putting timers on my apps which I think have been net positives even if they haven’t made as much of a difference as I hoped. 

the aforementioned job stress was a huge part of it, the application process lasted like 2 months and then they left me on the hook after the interview for Multiple Weeks which was. a bad time.

another part of it was I was alone a lot on weekends and I’m not very good at using my time off to do fun and nice things when I’m by myself, usually I end up just stewing in my brains. I did try to get in the habit of occasionally going to these nice gardens near us so maybe I will do that more this year also.

also health related: got my first mammogram this year. it was uncomfortable but fine. also got my first pap smear which was QUITE PAINFUL AND UNPLEASANT but I did survive it

also tangentially health related: I tried a few times throughout the year to do yoga. for a lil bit I was doing it with some coworkers after work once a week. some of it I did with some people from the carry on discord. it was very intermittent but better than nothing at all!

last health thing: my dad’s siblings had an Exceptionally Shitty Summer. one of his sisters died, another of his sisters had an extreme staph infection and was in the hospital for weeks, and one of his brothers had a mini stroke and possibly also a heart attack? the latter two are doing okay now but it was rough for a minute there

ENOUGH BAD STUFF I turned 30 this year! three full decades on this earth

Ingrid got her work authorization and a job and later in the year her green card!

I paid off my car (and also my car is having a lot of minor problems but that’s just… having a car)

I made a few financial mistakes (messed up our taxes, accidentally got a best buy credit card) but they are hopefully still fixable and overall we still saved money by the end of the year. we tried to keep a budget for a while but it was hard to keep up with. we also tried to join a credit union but their customer service was really weird

made a halfhearted attempt at local politics (went to a few protests, one city planning thing, and one socialist alternative meeting)

stay tuned for part 2 since tumblr hates me apparently

[gay-otlc]

Keepers Of The Chaos (3)

Summary: Tam, Linh, Dex, Keefe, Biana, and Fitz are part of the tiny fandom for Keeper of the Chaos, and Tam and Linh’s podcast convinces some of their other friends to watch it as well. The group finds themselves strangely invested in this show, where students at Tumblr High School who work together to write about an elf named Sophia, cause incomprehensible chaos, and fight their rival Pinterest High School.

Content warnings: Cursing, religion (Jewish Vackers), and Amsterdam (just in case, I know that was stressful for some people).

Word count: 1621

Notes: Most of the episodes are just events stolen from Lynn's roundup, Dex's memes are here

(Read on AO3)

The life of an amateur meme maker on dumbles dot com was a strange one, that was for sure. After finishing xyr favorite show- Ze-Ra: Monaerchs of Powhir- for the third time, Dex had searched for another show to fill the void in xyr soul. Biana recommended this show called "Keepers of the Chaos" and described it to xem. Xe was doubtful at first, but after watching the first episode, xe was hooked.

Xe used to not have many friends at xyr school, so xe did what every neurodivergent queer teen would do- made an account on dumbles dot com. People seemed to like xem- or at least, they liked dizznee-plus's memes and edits of Ze-Ra characters. Even after Dex befriended xyr squish, Fitz, thons sister, Biana, and aer girlfriend, Sophie, xe continued making content on dumbles. Around that time, the Ze-Ra fandom started dying off, and xyr memes started getting fewer note

In a sudden, two am burst of inspiration, Dex made edits of some of xyr favorite characters, like Ref, Akki, and Rose, with their respective pride flags (all of them bi) over them, and captioned it "we must be gay." The post blew up, or at least, what could be considered blowing up in Keeper of the Chaos's tiny fandom, and that was how Dex found xyr calling as an amateur meme/edit maker for KOTC.

History had been repeating itself, with the KOTC fandom starting to die off, until it was revived by an announcement from creator Saturn Nolastname- a season two would be released soon. Frantically, Dex made a meme about season one episode two, with the car salesman meme. Xe edited "chaos keepers" onto the car salesman, "the rarelynoticed" on the car, and "this bad boy can fit so many stripper outfits into it."

That had been... an interesting episode, to say the least. The chaos keepers had been talking about the antagonists of "Sophie and the Dark Duck"- a rebel group called the Rarelynoticed. In the information packet they'd been given, it was confirmed that the Rarelynoticed wore black cloaks and armbands, but no other clothes had been mentioned. Somehow, the chaos keepers came to the conclusion that the Rarelynoticed really wore neon pink leotards and green stripper heels, then drew this idea.

Needless to say, the Tumblr staff did not let them write that into the book. Nor did Lynn, the unofficially chosen leader of the group. Unfortunately for her, this didn't stop the chaos keepers from drawing more of these- or the fandom from making a ton of memes. In addition to the car salesman meme, a post with Drake saying no to "wearing normal fucking villain outfits" and yes to "leotards and stripper heels" gained popularity within the small fandom.

Though nothing could match the absolute shock of seeing the Rarelynoticed stripper outfit for the first time, Dex decided to rewatch the episode anyway- it was funny to see the chaos keepers freak out, and maybe xe could get some good screen captures. The good Saturn Nolastname indulged xem, and xe captured an excellent scene of most of the chaos keepers either laughing or screaming at the Rarelynoticed stripper outfits, with Kimber- one of xyr favorites- sitting on the side, explaining to Juno and Kaitee why Bianca Cracker was bisexual.

Xe went over to dumbles, posted the picture, added an image description, and captioned it "Live photo of me not caring when my friends talk about sex/romance." Xe chuckled to xemself- this really was how it felt to be aroace. Xe tagged it as aromantic and asexual as well, since dumbles added flag colors. Smiling, xe went to go check xyr notifications.

Xyr jaw dropped when xe saw that @lordofthesnuggles- Fitzroy (Dex didn't know thons middle name) Vacker thonself had liked and reblogged all three of xyr memes, even adding compliments in the tags! Xe'd had a bit of a platonic crush on Fitz for... a really long time, but xe always felt too awkward to talk to thon, so it was nice to see that thon appreciated xyr humor.

Feeling energized- and excited to procrastinate on xyr math homework- Dex went to watch the next episode: Dark Duck Is Jewish Now. Being Jewish xemself, this was a really funny episode to xem.

Lynn had been writing a sort of spinoff- it would be called fanfiction, but it was for her own story- about some of the Dark Duck characters celebrating Christmas, and added a throwaway line about Bianca and Finn Cracker celebrating Hanukkah. Then, her fiance, Shai, had taken that idea and run with it, writing a list of ideas about what would happen if the Cracker family was Jewish. Hir friend Sam had jumped on the idea, and soon they had abandoned writing the actual Dark Duck in favor of writing a story about Jewish Dark Duck characters. Some of the other Jewish chaos keepers, like Ref and Cat, helped out.

To be honest, it kind of surprised Dex that no one had made a joke about the Jewish Crackers just being matzah, so xe supposed xe would have to be the first.

Xe posted that observation, quickly getting a like from Fitz- which made xem smile. After a few minutes, Dex posted another meme: Shai and Sam standing in front of a door with a sign that read "elves don't have religion," and them saying "This sign won't stop me, because I can't read!"

It was accurate.

While that episode was great for Jewish representation, and funny, the Banana Noir episode was just plain weird.

It focused less on the Dark Duck than most of the other episodes, and was more about the crazy interactions of the chaos keepers. The episode was named for Banana Noir, who was really Cat Noir, but in a banana suit. Banana Noir was the son of Mellie, who looked like a shark, and Nora, who had platonically married faer. The mothers tried to arrange a marriage between him and Akki, who loved the side characters of the Dark Duck series. However, Akki wanted to marry Amelia. After a lot of shit that basically no one understood, Banana Noir's attempts were thwarted, and Lynn officiated the wedding between Akki and Amelia.

Yeah, Dex had no idea what the fuck was going on either. Xe'd watched an episode of Twins of the Chaos and a youtube video by arsonpog analyzing the Banana Noir chronicles, as it had been dubbed by the chaos keepers, and both expert opinions seemed to agree that Saturn Nolastname and the rest of the writers had probably been on crack when they made that episode.

The next episode made slightly more sense, though it was a low bar. After taking a break from the "official" Dark Duck story, the chaos keepers began collectively writing a Cinderella story about the characters Sophia and Bianca. People weren't allowed to be queer in the official story, but the chaos keepers still wanted to have fun with their obviously gay characters.

Even to the viewers of the show, who only received secondhand information about the Dark Duck characters, knew there was no way any of them, let alone all of them, were allocishet. The exact identities weren't entirely clear- when Dex had made edits of the characters' official art and xyr headcanons for their pride flags, a few people had disagreed- but both the chaos keepers and the fandom knew that despite what Shannon said, Sophia and Bianca were in love, and their Cinderella story should have made it in to the official Dark Duck story.

While excerpts of the Cinderella story were quoted in the show, most of it was left unclear, so Biana had taken it upon aerself to write aer own version of it. Dex was expecting an update later  that day, actually, or maybe the next. Ae wasn't always 100% reliable with aer update schedule. Still, Dex looked forward to when it eventually did come.

After the brief calmness from the Sophianca Cinderella episode, season one episode six, Amsterdam, exploded back into chaos. A few of the chaos keepers decided to discuss a fake scene in the book in which crazy shit went down, with the scene supposedly being located in Amsterdam. It had never been written and was never going to be, but everyone discussed it like it was real. Some of the highlights involved all the Dark Duck girls having swords (and the chaos keepers being gay for them), and a speedboat chase scene through the canals. Fitz had a popular theory that the chaos keepers would actually travel to Amsterdam in order to commemorate this crazy part of their lives. Almost as popular as that was a meme Dex made, with a man labeled "chaos keepers discussing amsterdam" and gesturing feverishly to a wall covered in papers and red string.

Of course, episode seven (Dark Duck Disney) was chaotic too. Everything was chaotic with this group, it was in the title. Shannon announced that the winning Dark Duck story would be adapted into a Disney movie. After past experience with terrible book to movie adaptations, the chaos keepers panicked. They panicked so much that it became major news within their school, which until then, had been largely ignoring the chaos keepers. Once the discussion about the movie settled down, they talked a lot about how in awe they were that their Dark Duck shenanigans were trending within the school.

But of course, none of that compared to the last episode of the season...

Dex changed xyr profile picture to include an ominous pair of teal eyes and sighed.

[eldritchteaparty]

Chapters: 19/22 Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Rosie Zampano, Oliver Banks, Original Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas, Annabelle Cane, Melanie King, Georgie Barker, Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Basira Hussain, Allan Schrieber Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Scars, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I'll add characters and tags as they come up, Reference to injuries and blood, Character Death In Dream, Nudity (not sexual or graphic), Nightmares, Fighting, Spiders Summary: Following the events of MAG 200, Jon and Martin find themselves in a dimension very much like the one they came from--with second chances and more time.

Chapter summary: The group settles on a course of action much faster than Martin imagined they would.

Chapter 19 of my post-canon fix-it fic is up! Read at AO3 above or read here below.

Tumblr master post with links to previous chapters is here.

***

Martin was still tired as they drew close to Hill Top Road the next morning. It wasn’t surprising; the best sleep he’d gotten, other than the first few hours he’d slept before the spiders, had been in Allan’s car on the way out. He’d slept completely through their stop in Canterbury, where Allan had picked up his lab equipment. He woke up with his head on Jon’s shoulder in the back seat of the car, just a few miles from their destination.

“Ow,” he said as he straightened up, his neck cracking.

“I told you you could stay home,” Jon said. “You barely slept.”

“Don’t.” Martin was cross as he rolled his neck, trying to work out the cramp, and Jon put a hand on his arm.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s all right.”

That about doubled the number of words they’d said to each other that morning—and now they were here, back at Hill Top Road. From the street, the house appeared less foreboding than it had the last time; it seemed brighter, somehow, despite the cloudiness of the day. Maybe the owner had been back—or maybe the most recent occupant had left.

Martin waited for Tim to get out of the seat in front of him, then got out of the car himself. He hadn’t really spoken to Tim directly since he’d shown up yesterday, and wasn’t at all sure how Tim was feeling toward him. He was therefore both reassured and taken back when Tim put a hand on his shoulder on his way to the boot of the car.

I must be looking pretty good, he thought. They’re not even asking if I’m ok anymore.

It was just the four of them; Elias and the others had opted to stay together at the house. Jon had of course wanted to go, and that meant Martin went too; Tim had also made up his mind to go once he knew Jon was going. Martin watched as Allan opened the boot and began to pull out a number of padded carrying cases of different sizes, handing a few to Tim as he did.

“I know I fell asleep, sorry—what exactly are you—”

“We’re going to attempt to measure this—gap between the dimensions.” He handed Martin one final bag, and closed the boot as he did. “All of these instruments are designed to measure different types of energy.”

“They’re all from your lab?”

“Most of them,” Allan said, a small grin on his face; Tim shook his head.

“If I get in trouble for any of that—”

“I told you, no one will even know they’re missing. We’ll get it all back this afternoon.”

“So wait—this will show what, that the gap—exists?” Martin asked.

Allan shrugged. “Well—in all honesty, not really. If we get no unusual readings, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It could just mean we don’t know how to measure it. And if we do—it doesn’t really tell us why. It would just be—well, consistent with some combination of my ideas about the entities and dimensional travel, really.”

“Um—oh. Ok.”

Jon sighed, and Martin recognized it specifically as Jon’s impatient sigh. It was one he had heard a lot in the past, although not so much recently. He supposed from Jon’s perspective, it was kind of a waste of time to not really prove the existence of something he already knew was there. As far as Martin was concerned, though, they could take all the time they wanted.

As they approached the porch, Martin found his impression from the street had been correct. There were many fewer cobwebs on the porch than there had been the last time. The lock, however, was still broken when Jon tried the door, which suggested the owner had not been back.

“You think she’s gone?” he asked Jon.

“Yes.”

“Who?” Tim looked at them suspiciously.

“Annabelle,” Jon replied casually.

“Annabelle.” Tim halted at the top of the steps on the front porch. “She’s here? Was here?”

“Was. I would have said something if—" He trailed off as he saw the look on Tim’s face. “Yes, well, the point is she’s not here.”

“Sure,” Tim said, in a way that made it clear he was not at all sure, but he did follow the rest of them into the house.

“This way.” Jon led them back to the spot in the center of the house where the scarred floorboards resided.

He’s so confident. Martin remembered how different it had been the last time they were here. Jon had been so sick; he had been grasping at straws for any way to regain his connection to the Eye. Martin certainly hadn’t wanted that to happen, but he also hadn’t wanted him to be miserable. Now, though, Jon was pushing ahead, jumping in—he was eager, excited even. Given the circumstances, Martin didn’t like it much more than he had liked things the last time they were here.

“That’s it?” Allan said, staring down at the floor. “Not really what I was expecting.”

“Well—obviously it’s not the gap itself,” Jon explained with slight irritation, as if he were offended at Allan’s disappointment. “It’s a representation of it. Certainly someone would have reported it if it were a cavernous maw extending into the infinite reaches of—”

“Yes, all right,” Allan, unbothered, set down the equipment he was carrying and seated himself on the floor next to it. “Let’s see—Tim, bring those over here, please.”

“Yes, sir.” Tim set his bags down on the floor next to Allan and stepped back near Martin to observe.

“So I’m thinking—hmm—let’s just start with this.” He unpacked a small handheld meter and held it up for them to see. “This is a Geiger counter.”

Tim raised his eyebrows. “That’s for radiation, right?”

“Yes,” Allan replied, as he pressed a button and the instrument’s screen flickered to life. He looked up in their direction just long enough to catch the anxious look on Martin’s face.

“No need to worry,” Allan said cheerfully as he stood up. “I’ll be looking at this from several angles, and this is just somewhere to start. Don’t let the idea of radiation bother you. There’s some level of radiation around us all the time—background radiation, it’s completely—well, not harmless, exactly, but well within the bounds of what the human body can withstand. This particular instrument is sensitive enough that we should be able to see relatively minor deviations from what we’d expect.”

“Oh,” Martin said, not knowing what else to say.

“All right, here we go.” Allan held the instrument up in the air and pressed a button and waited while it emitted an uneven series of a few clicks, and then checked the screen. He repeated this several more times, then nodded.

“Well?” Tim asked.

“Oh, sorry. I haven’t really done anything yet, just measuring background levels. Nothing out of the ordinary, pretty much what you’d expect for this part of England. But now I’ll know what I’m comparing to when I measure—that.” He gave another unimpressed look at the jagged mark running over the floor before bending over it with the instrument in hand. He moved it close to the mark and repeated the same process of measurements—pressing a button and then waiting for the clicks, then repositioning it to another spot, pressing the button and waiting again. “Huh.”

“What?” Martin couldn’t read Allan’s expression at all.

“Nothing,” Allan said, shrugging as he stood straight again. “I was averaging in my head, of course, so I might not be quite right, but—it would be like taking your temperature and reading 37 degrees exactly.”

Martin was relieved, but Jon, standing apart from the rest of the group, did not seem to be feeling the same way.

“Well, let’s move on,” Allan said, returning to his equipment pile and choosing a new device. “Let’s try this one. It’s for—oh—electromagnetic fields, radio frequencies—it’s sort of a cheap piece of equipment, actually, not very precise—but it should give us a good general picture.” He squatted down next to the mark on the floor again, adjusted a dial on the instrument, and began to move it closer and further away. He adjusted the dial several times as he continued to move it around the floor.

“Still nothing,” he said after a few minutes, sitting back on his haunches.

“Then that’s not the right way to measure it,” Jon said.

“I said when we came in that was a strong possibility,” Allan said, but it was clear Jon didn’t like this turn of events. “I’ve got a few more things we can—"

“It’s here,” Jon said.

“Can’t you just know the right way to measure it, then?” Tim’s tone was sarcastic, but Jon paused.

“Well…” He concentrated for a moment, then shook his head. “No. Apparently I can’t.” His growing frustration was obvious.

“Hey.” Now that Martin was starting to feel a bit easier about everything, he felt a little bit bad for Jon. “That’s—that’s all right. That just means we’ll need more time to—”

Martin’s attempt at soothing him didn’t work. “But it’s right there. Damn it, I know it’s there. I can feel it, it’s like it’s just on the other side of—”

“Oh,” Allan said. Martin’s eyes jumped back to the instrument in his hand, still hovering just over the mark in the floor, and there was some kind of movement on the digital screen. A moment later, it had gone quiet again.

“What was that?” Tim asked.

“I don’t know.” Allan frowned. “It’s like there was a sudden—pulse of electrical activity. A lot of it.”

“Jon,” Tim said, looking over at him, “did you do something? While you were talking?”

“That couldn’t possibly—” Allan started to say, but Jon cut him off.

“Yes,” Jon said. “I—I don’t know, I was looking for the—well, really, the tape—it’s—”

“Oh,” Allan said again, as the numbers on the screen resumed their movement. He walked it intently over different parts of the floor, then moved it further away and then closer again. Martin couldn’t really follow the whole thing from where he was standing, but Allan’s body language was enough to concern him. “This—this doesn’t make sense. Even if—Jon, stop. Whatever you’re doing, stop.”

“All right.”

“Incredible,” Allan said after a moment had passed. “That really shouldn’t be possible. There’s no—” He stood and walked toward Jon, and extended the meter toward him. “Do it one more time.”

“Don’t—” Martin started.

“I’m all right,” Jon snapped, but then softened as Martin felt the slight sting of his tone. “I’m—I’ll be careful. I’m fine right now.”

Allan was concentrating hard as he looked at the screen. “What was—have you done it yet?”

“No, I was—”

“It’s just that—never mind. Do it again. If—if you’re ok.”

Jon nodded, and glanced briefly in Martin’s direction. “I’m ok.”

Martin watched as Allan moved the instrument around Jon for the next thirty seconds or so, again switching the dial several times.

“Well?” Tim asked, as Allan stepped away.

“I don’t know,” he said hoarsely. “Tim, can you—can you fetch the Geiger counter for me again?”

Tim did, and Allan stood back from Jon as he held it up into the air again. They heard the occasional irregular click as he did.

“So for now, don’t, um—just don’t,” he said as he stepped toward Jon. The frequency of the clicks began to increase as he moved the meter closer to his head, and Allan made a small sound in his throat as he flipped a switch on the instrument. “Let’s just—keep the sound off for right now.”

Martin could feel some of the blood drain from his face.

“Ok, now—know something,” Allan asked.

“What?” Jon said. “Sorry, it’s always difficult to think of—”

“Anything. Just not the—the gap. I want to see if—”

“Did I have coffee or tea this morning?” Tim asked.

Jon thought. “Coffee.”

“Stop,” Allan said. “Stop.” He took a step back, white faced, and looked at Jon as if he had just appeared there.

“What?”

“Can I ask—how long did you say you’ve been doing this?”

“Knowing things? Uh—a few years? I mean—not always like this, at first it was much harder, and—"

“A few years.” Allan turned the thought over. “Ok. I’m going to say this once—because I think you should know. I don’t see—I don’t see how you’re—well, alive.”

There were long seconds of silence before Jon answered.

“I’m fine.”

Martin exploded. “You are not fine.”

“I just meant in the sense that—”

“I know, and—”

“I am alive. That is the point.”

More long seconds ticked by.

“You heal though, right?” Tim said quietly. “Like—after you—like when I found you in front of the Institute.”

“Yes.” A look of sudden understanding passed across Jon’s face. “Yes, that’s right. That—that would make sense.”

“Would it?” Allan looked at Martin. “You, um—sorry to—you’re—well, you’re sharing a room, so—I imagine you’re—close?”

Martin wasn’t sure what Allan was getting at. “Um—”

“Yes. He heals too. Or, he has, in the past.” Oh, Martin thought, after he heard Jon’s answer.

Oh.

“Wait. Are you saying that being near Jon is—”

“I don’t know,” Allan said. “I really don’t know. This is entirely unprecedented. It really shouldn’t—” He started to say something else, but hesitated.

“What?” Jon asked.

“I—” he hesitated again. “I want to do more tests, but I’m not sure if it’s—well, entirely ethical.”

“To ask me to keep going, you mean.”

“Yes.”

“It’s fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

Allan looked at Martin.

“It’s not up to me,” Martin said.

Allan looked between Martin and Jon. “I’m, uh—I’m going to run out to the car for some extra equipment. Tim, come with me? I could use your help.”

“Sure,” Tim answered, and followed him out.

Martin waited a moment after they were gone, then said quietly, “I’m not sleeping away from you.”

“Martin.” Jon walked over to where he was standing and reached out to touch Martin’s hand. “Of course not. That’s ridiculous.”

“Good.” He had more to say, but he didn’t.

“Come on. That’s not what this is about. You don’t want me to do this.”

Martin sighed. “Fine. No, I don’t. I don’t want you to do any of this. Not just the tests, or whatever. Like—any of this.”

“I have to,” Jon said. “You know that.”

“Why do you think I didn’t say it? I can’t stop you. And I’d rather you not shut me out.”

“Martin, that—” He stopped himself, and squeezed Martin’s hand instead. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.”

Martin let his hand fall away as Allan and Tim returned; Allan had put on a long-sleeved lab coat, and was holding a pair of gloves and a mask. “Just a precaution,” he said. “If you want to go ahead.”

“Yes,” Jon said. “I do.”

Martin watched as Allan pulled out yet another meter from a different bag. “Martin—can you hand me that?” he asked, indicating the case Martin was still carrying. He’d forgotten about it.

“Oh. Sure.” Martin handed it to him and he began to unpack that as well.

“So—this is so I can record the readings,” he said, as he pulled some wires out and began to connect them to the new meter. “And this is—it uses a more powerful method of detection than the Geiger counter. It’s not as sensitive, but that’s, uh—well, that’s not going to be an issue.”

Martin suddenly realized how much he didn’t want to be there anymore.

“I’m going outside. I’ll just be out front.” Without waiting for anyone’s reaction, he made his way back to the front of the house. He stood on the porch, his arms folded and resting on the railing. He looked out over the lawn. The rest of the neighborhood, apart from this house, really was a suburb. It seemed nice enough; maybe not a great neighborhood, but not a bad one, certainly. It hadn’t really done anything to deserve this awful place.

He sat and watched the clouds roll overhead and wondered it if would rain. He tried not to think too much about what was going on inside the house, what they were doing and where it would lead. He had no idea how long he had been standing there when he became aware that he wasn’t alone.

“Hey,” Tim said, as Martin looked over at him.

“Hey,” Martin answered, then went back to looking up at the sky. “So—what’s going on in there?”

“I don’t know,” Tim said. “It’s like some sort of weird playdate? It’s over my head. Allan keeps turning dials and saying things like incredible and amazing and then Jon—”

“Never mind,” Martin said. “Just—is he keeping himself together? Jon, I mean?”

“He seems to be.”

They looked out at the sky and lawn together.

“Martin,” Tim said eventually, “I know I said this before, but I want you to know I meant it. Jon is lucky to have you.”

“Hm.”

“Listen, I know—I know this has to be hard for you. Before we—before we make any decisions, I want you to know that—”

“Don’t,” Martin said coldly.

“All right.” Tim nodded and returned to looking back over the railing. “Do you want to be alone?”

No, Martin thought. I don’t ever want to be alone again. He wanted to scream it.

Instead, he just said, “Not particularly.”

“Good,” Tim said. “I don’t particularly want to go back in there.”

***

“So—wait,” Melanie said, looking at Allan over her half-empty dinner plate. “You’re saying you don’t really know anything at all, then?”

“Well, yes and no.” He was struggling to find words as they sat together in the great room again. “What I’m saying is—from a scientific perspective, which of course is why I’m here—there’s no way to know what any of this means. I’ve never heard of anything like this before. It’s completely unique, as far as I know.”

“So we can’t prove there’s a gap between dimensions, and we can’t prove the entities exist,” Sasha clarified.

“Correct,” Allan said. “I can’t even begin to suggest a mechanism for anything I saw today.”

“But you did see something today,” Melanie prodded.

“Well—yes,” Allan said. “That’s an understatement. We saw massive fluctuations of energy just—across almost the entire spectrum. And—again, I have no way to explain it or understand it, but—Jon does appear to be able to manipulate it, to some extent.”

“Well, that’s definitely something,” Melanie said. “You said you recorded your readings. Do you think you’ll learn anything else from going back through them?”

“Not—not in a way that could help us. It will take years to even begin to make any real sense of this. As—as a scientist. To be perfectly clear, I—I can’t vouch for any particular course of action. I have no way of verifying that there has ever been any travel across dimensions, or that—starting an apocalypse would provide the energy required to do it again, or—or that anything we discussed yesterday is even a possibility.”

“As a scientist,” Georgie repeated. “What about—as a person? What do you think?”

“I’m—I’m not sure that’s really what’s important here.”

“Yes, it is.” It was one of the few things Elias had said at all since they’d come home.

“I agree,” Sasha said. “I’d like to know what you think.”

“Well—personally”—he looked around at the group— “after what I’ve heard from all of you, and after talking with Elias last night—I believe Jon.”

It was quiet for a moment as the group absorbed this. Martin’s stomach, which had already rejected even the concept of any food he’d thought about putting in it that night, tightened painfully.

“Ok,” Georgie said slowly. “Well—for the sake of argument—Jon, do you really think you could do it? Could you—could you really move us to another dimension? In a way that—well, will actually help things?”

“I can do it,” Jon said, without hesitation.

“No,” Martin said.

The discomfort was tangible; Martin could tell nobody wanted to speak.

“Martin,” Sasha finally said, “why—why are you so against this?”

“I’ve already said. It’s too dangerous.”

“So you think he can’t do it? That it won’t work?”

Martin drew his hand down firmly over his mouth.

“Say what you have to say,” Jon urged him. Martin didn’t care for how calm he was. “They should hear it.”

Martin stared at him. “Ok, fine. Fine, I’ll say it. If you think you can do it—I’m sure you can. I’m just not sure you will. What if—what if this time—what if the Eye finally just takes you?”

“It won’t. It didn’t last time.”

“Didn’t it?”

“No. Not—not like that. I still—I still got to choose.”

“And we still don’t know what Annabelle’s been trying to get you to do.”

“She doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, really?”

“Do you believe me that I’ll never let them out of here? The entities? That’s what she wants.”

Martin paused; he knew his panic was coming across to everyone. “Yes. But that’s not—even if you don’t—look, if it fails, that’s it for us. We’re stuck in an apocalypse. This world is stuck in an apocalypse. You said that yourself.”

“And it’s still true. It is a risk. But I don’t think I’ll fail.”

“But what happens to you? What if—what if we lose you?”

Jon looked away.

“Jon?” Georgie prompted.

“It’s—it’s a possibility.”

“How much of a possibility?” Georgie asked.

“It’s—um—” Jon cleared his throat. “It’s not unlikely.”

“I see,” Sasha said.

“That matters, right?” Martin somehow managed to get the words out. “Tell me that matters to the rest of you.”

“Of course it matters,” Sasha said. “I didn’t—"

“No, it doesn’t,” Jon said.

“Jon—”

Several people began to talk at the same time, but it was Tim who won out.

“Listen,” he said. “Listen. I know—I know this is going to sound awful, but—I agree with Jon.”

“It does sound awful,” Sasha reprimanded him. “It sounds completely awful.”

“Just hear me out.” Tim spoke his words slowly and deliberately. “If I were Jon—if I could stop this—if I had this chance to—to save the people they haven’t hurt yet—I would. I wouldn’t hesitate. And I wouldn’t want anyone to stop me.”

“Yes, you would,” Jon said. “You did.”

“And—I know I’ve been angry—but this isn’t about that. It’s not because I blame him. It’s because he’s the only one who can. I think—I think this should be Jon’s choice. That’s all.”

“Thank you, Tim.” Jon was still calm, controlled. Martin hated it.

Tim briefly met Martin’s eyes before looking down to the floor in front of him. “And I wouldn’t wait. I’d—I’d want to just do it. If we really can’t learn anything else, I say we do it soon. Tomorrow, if we can. Prevent as much further damage as possible.”

“I agree,” Jon said.

“No,” Martin said. “That’s insane. Are you insane?” He looked around at the group; none of them would look back at him. “Have you all lost your minds? Are you considering this?”

“I—I don’t know,” Sasha said, finally raising her face. “Are we?”

“Jesus Christ.” Martin got to his feet, not really sure where he was going; he was halfway there before he realized he was headed for the door to the back of the house. Behind him, he heard several people speaking, although he had no idea if they were talking to him; he couldn’t process it anymore. He couldn’t think at all until he felt the cool night air on his face. He stopped, heart pounding, and crumpled onto the porch against the back of the house. For the first time in his recent memory, he wanted to cry; of course, now he couldn’t make the tears come.

Behind him, he heard the door open and close.

“Go away.” He didn’t really care who it was.

“I’d rather not.” Beside him, Jon lowered himself onto the porch; for some reason, Martin had assumed it would be one of the others. He was surprised to find he felt slightly mollified. “We don’t have to talk. It’s just—I don’t have anywhere else I want to be right now.”

“Come off it. Go back in and keep explaining why you need to martyr yourself.”

“I’ve said what I need to say. It’s better if they talk without us.”

Martin sighed heavily. “They’re going to go for it, aren’t they?”

Jon didn’t answer him. Instead, he moved closer to Martin, leaning into him and resting his head on his shoulder. Hollow as he felt, Martin didn’t even think; his automatic response was to put his arm around Jon, pulling him in even closer. He pressed his lips to the top of Jon’s ear.

“We never had a chance, did we,” he said. “The two of us.”

“We still might.”

“You don’t really believe that.”

“I never believed we’d be here, either.” Jon said.

“That’s not very reassuring.”

Jon turned so that his back was against Martin’s chest, and Martin did what he always did; he slipped his hand up under the edge of Jon’s shirt, bringing it up to the scar on Jon’s ribcage. Instead of protesting or merely tolerating it, though, this time Jon brought his own hand to rest over Martin’s on the outside of his shirt.

“I loved you here too, you know,” Jon said quietly. “Before this, I mean. In this world.”

“Oh, I know,” Martin said.

“Well. Here I thought I was making a grand romantic confession, but—never mind, I guess.”

“No, it’s—I’m sorry.” He kissed Jon’s temple softly by way of apology. “Thank you. I just meant now that—now that we’ve been together, now that I know what you’re like when you—it’s sort of obvious, looking back. Plus, there was your pin.”

“My pin?”

“You know—when we had forgotten everything when we first—and you couldn’t remember your pin number on your laptop.”

“Oh,” Jon said, and even in the dark Martin saw a smile play across his lips. It had been too long since he had seen Jon smile. “Right. I used your birthday. That’s—is it odd that I feel embarrassed?”

“Frankly, yes.”

“Sasha just—she insisted I set it in front of her, and then she kept guessing them—”

“Because you kept typing 1234.”

“Well—yes, but—anyway, it just came into my head, and I knew no one would ever guess, because—because I was never going to tell anyone how I felt. Especially not you.”

“Yeah, well—I wasn’t going to either.” He held Jon tighter. “We’re a couple of idiots. You know that, right?”

“Yes.” Jon turned his face up and back, and Martin couldn’t help but kiss him.

“Martin,” Jon said, “I know—I know I’ll never change your mind.”

“If it were me, you would never go along with it. You would never let me—you didn’t, actually.”

“I—” Jon paused. “No. You’re right. I’m asking you to do something I couldn’t do.”

“Thank you.”

“I just—I want you to understand. I want you to hear me.” He paused.

“I’m listening.”

“Nothing will ever fix what I’ve done.”

“You didn’t do this. Jonah Magnus did this. The Web did this. The—never mind. Go on.”

“Nothing will ever undo it. Every day I think about—about Sasha. And Tim. And Daisy. The other ones, the ones who—and an entire world of human beings who suffered because of things I did. And then there’s everyone here in this world who—none of them should ever have—” Jon’s voice cracked. “But I can stop it. I can make it so it doesn’t get worse. Or at least—at least give it a real chance. And I have to try.”

“And you have to try tomorrow.”

“Tim was right, Martin. Every day that passes like this is—”

“Tim is just worried about Danny.”

“Is that wrong of him?”

“I—no. No, I guess not. My point is just that it’s not like he’s—it’s still completely selfish.”

“He’s not being any more selfish than you.”

“I know that.” His chest ached as he breathed in, and he sighed reflexively. Jon turned just enough to tuck his head against Martin’s collarbone, and he felt his chest loosen just a little. “Ok, but really—what about Annabelle? That’s not being selfish. We both know what she wants—but we have no idea how she’s trying to get it. And we’re probably walking into it.”

“Probably.”

“Well then, why—”

“Because I don’t intend to give it to her.”

“But that’s exactly the point, we don’t know how—”

“Do you really think that waiting will solve that? Even if she is trying to push me—do you really think that she won’t just—change tactics? Adapt?”

“I—I don’t know.”

“If we wait to—I don’t know, learn something, let something happen that she doesn’t want—do you really believe she won’t have some other plan?”

He hadn’t ever thought that far ahead, to what would happen after they waited, whatever that meant. He realized with a sinking heart that no, he didn’t really believe it.

“But then—why are we doing anything at all? Why are we even bothering? If we can’t ever do the right thing—”

“Because we have to try. I have to try. I just do. Doing nothing would be—and maybe—maybe we’ll get lucky.”

“Yeah. That—that’s our thing, for sure. Luck.”

Jon reached for Martin’s free hand, the one that wasn’t against his heart, and pulled it to his mouth; he kissed each knuckle in turn. “We haven’t been entirely unlucky.”

Martin was out of things to say. Once more, Jon had already won. Everyone in the room behind them was deciding to go ahead with this stupid plan. There was nothing he could do that was going to stop it.

Well—as he thought about it, he did have one more thing to say.

“Jon—I don’t—I don’t want to go into this like—like last time. So—just so you know—nothing’s changed. I’m going with you. Wherever that is.”

Jon held his breath for a moment before answering. “And if I can save you—"

“Then you’d better save both of us.”

“Martin—”

“No. You know what’s out there for me without you, and—I don’t want it. You can’t—" Jon turned suddenly in his arms, so that Martin’s hand slid from his ribs to his shoulder.

He kissed him.

“Jon—”

“Please.”

They were still kissing several minutes later when Jon abruptly sat up; he opened his mouth to say something, but then learned back in toward Martin.

“No,” Martin said, putting a hand up to Jon’s face. “You know something, don’t you? They decided and you know.”

Jon nodded, sliding his hand over Martin’s as he did. “Yes.”

“Ok.”

“They want to do it. Tomorrow.”

***

It was hours later; Martin didn’t know how long he had lain awake. He’d come back to the bedroom on his own at first; he’d stayed for some of the planning, listened to their excitement, their nerves, their arguing—but it had quickly gotten to the point where he couldn’t do it anymore. He knew where he would be anyway, and that was with Jon; he had nothing else to contribute. The looks he’d gotten when he’d stood up had been seared into his consciousness, a mixture of worry and pity.

“Martin,” Sasha called to him as he was leaving, “are you—”

“Yes,” he’d said.

He’d gone to brush his teeth before getting in bed. He didn’t know what possessed him, particularly, but when he saw his reflection in the mirror, he did something he hadn’t done in a long while. He removed his shirt to look at his own scars. They were still there; they were exactly the same as they had been on the day he’d first seen them, dark red to pale white, torn and jagged and alternately smooth.

He was tired, he’d realized. He wanted to sleep, of course, he was still exhausted from the night before—but it was more than that. This was all just enough. Maybe it was all right. Maybe he and Jon had already had more time than they were meant to. Maybe it was time to let it go. Just—just so long as he didn’t end up alone.

He’d gotten in bed. He’d almost fallen asleep before Jon had come in, but after Jon had undressed and slipped under the sheets next to him, the restlessness had begun. Each time Jon moved, or sighed, or breathed even a little bit out of rhythm, Martin’s brain nudged him awake again. And now, here he was, sleepless and empty.

He breathed out, trying to reset his mind.

“Martin.”

“Sorry.” He’d thought Jon had been asleep.

“What—no, don’t apologize, just—go to sleep. You need rest for tomorrow.”

“I can’t.”

There was silence, and for a moment, he thought Jon had drifted off again.

“Martin, I’m—I’m not leaving you. I won’t go without you. You need to sleep.”

“I—I know.” He was lying, and Jon knew he was lying.

“Martin, this isn’t—this isn’t like last time. For one thing, I’d—I’d have to steal a car to get back to London on my own. All right? Can you trust me?”

Martin swallowed; that was exactly the problem, he realized. “I want to. I just—”

“Ok. All right. You’re right, of course you—that’s not fair for me to ask. I—hang on.” He saw the light from Jon’s cell phone; he heard him stand up and rummage through the suitcase on his side of the bed before sitting down on the mattress again.

“Jon—”

“Here. Give me your hand.” He held up his arm; Jon grabbed his hand, and Martin realized Jon was trying something around their wrists in the light from the phone.

“What—”

“It’s an old drawstring that pulled out from a pair of shorts. I never took it out of my suitcase.” He grabbed one end of the string in his mouth and pulled with his other hand. “There. I can’t possibly untie that without waking you up.”

“Are you going to be able to sleep?”

“I think so.” Jon turned off the light on his phone, and Martin felt the tug on his arm as Jon leaned over to put it back on the table next to the bed. “Anyway, I’m—I’m all right. You’re—not.”

“This—” Martin started to laugh. “This is ridiculous.”

“Yes. It is. Does it matter?” Jon interlaced his fingers with Martin’s and carefully folded up their bound arms between them; he brought his head to rest on the pillow next to Martin’s shoulder.

“I—I guess not.” He didn’t even realize he was finally crying until Jon reached up with his other hand to touch his cheek. He felt better for it, somehow; feeling something was good. It was better than the emptiness.

“Sleep.”

He did.

[tasloveskk]

Some folklore thoughts 💭🌲✨🏳️‍🌈 

Part 1

 I’m going to take it song by song while also tracking key themes in red! Please also feel free to add in your thoughts in the comments, I’m curious to see what else people think folklore is about...

folklore

‘folklore’ is defined as “a body of popular myths or beliefs relating to a particular place, activity, or group of people.” or, by Steve from Taylor’s IC,”the traditional beliefs, customs, and stories of a community, passed through the generations by word of mouth.” Taylor herself in her introduction/prologue says  “A tale that becomes folklore is one that is passed down and whispered around. Sometimes even sung about. The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible. Speculation, over time, becomes fact. Myths, ghost stories, and fables. Fairytales and parables. Gossip and legend. Someone’s secrets written in the sky for all to behold.”

the 1

- firstly, it’s the best opening track she’s ever had! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

- “I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit” = sounds to me like a conversation you have with an ex, like someone is saying “yeah I’m doing great, I’m dating/doing ‘x’” the first time they run into their ex in a while.

-“I thought I saw you at the bus stop” has BIG “this city screams your name” energy but is also very clever by Taylor because Miss Karlie Kloss is ALWAYS on advertisements on bus stops/literal buses around the globe 🚌

- “I hit the Sunday matinee” to me seems like an inside thing, because obviously as the world biggest pop star, if taylor is going to go to the theatre or cinema, she’ll pick the least busy and most filled with older people which would be the Sunday matinee.

- “you know the greatest films of all time were never made” —> the greatest love stories never get told? happen behind the scenes? There’s something deeper here but I’m still forming the cohesive idea!

- “if you wanted me you really should’ve showed” = showed up or showed for the world, either way Taylor wanted KK to chose her not Josh so they could work but that didn’t happen so now she’s left to wonder.

- “roaring twenties” evokes two clear images for me! 1. They were both in their 20s for the entiretyof their relationship, the best years were spent together and 2. The Roaring 20s were a time of independence, pushing boundaries and breaking the rules of prohibition - which is basically what Taylor and Karlie were doing behind the scenes.

- “if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you” = let’s say, ONLY FOR ARGUMENTS SAKE, that Taylor really IS with Toe, that still means that this song is her yearning for someone else who she always loves more AND had to lose at some point. Looking at her past beards “relationships”, there are only two plausible options - Joe (which seems unlikely seeing as they’re still “together”) or CH who she supposedly wrote “you would’ve been the one if you were a better man” about. Either way doesn’t seem like it fits. However, if you look at it as Karlie is the 1, it becomes clear - it would’ve been fun being best friends and lovers for ever baking cookies and dancing around the kitchen, it would’ve been forever if Karlie hadn’t “married” jerk, it would’ve been her and it still is. 💗

- “in my defense I have none, for never leaving well enough alone” & “I know that I went psycho on the phone, I never leave well enough alone” are about the same moment with the same person = she didn’t leave well enough alone because she kept writing about Karlie and re-engaging us Kaylors as well as I’m sure, she kept up with seeing Karlie or keeping tabs on her to the point where it forced someone to reach out to the other.... she can’t apologise or defend her actions because you can’t explain the things you do for true love.

- “I have this dream you’re doing cool shit” aka starting a podcast, expanding businesses, making headway as an entrepreneur and being a highly-paid and respected international model? Seems straight forward 👀

- “you meet some woman on the Internet and take her home” = 1. Karlie is specifically interested in tech and the internet, it is literally her entire business and 2. if Karlie and Tay did break up, then because Karlie is actually NOT married to Josh, she hooked up with someone she met through the internet somehow (probs social media not an app) and Taylor found out this is probably a snarky comment about that from a jealous ex. Could possibly also be about the dream mentioned above. 💔🔐

- “another day waking up alone” = lost her lover, sleeps alone? Bold claim on opening tack.

- “persist and resist” = very famous feminist saying, civil rights/political echo?

- “the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today” = this what if mentality continues through the album but personally, I think this is about Kissgate.

- “Rosé flowing with your chosen family” = repeats later, your chosen family could refer to Karlie’s group of friends like Derek and Jourdan etc.

- “would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me” = flipped perspective, wishes Karlie chose her.

- “dragging up the grave another time” = firstly, THAT pin on her EW jacket now makes more sense. second, Taylor has written about Karlie for 4 straight albums now, she hasn’t let their love story die even if they did.

-

cardigan

- “brand new phone” = this is not some story, this is current reality. Taylor hides behind era-specific language and imagery in some other songs but this one is clearly about here and now, and her.

- “sensual politics” to me stands out because only really here and in TLGAD is politics explicitly mentioned and sensual politics to me screams sleeping with someone for political gain or with political connections which certainly sounds like someone...

- “when you’re young, they assume you know nothing” = sounds to me like a lot like a) love story and b) “you don’t know you’re gay, it’s just a PHASE! you’ll grow out of it!” 🏳️‍🌈

- “chase 2 girls, lose the one” = supposedly, when KK and TS met, Taylor was still in love/entangled with Dianna so perhaps she’s reflecting on making the wrong choice?

- CIWYW links: my baby’s high above the whole scene—> heartbeat on the high line, tidbit:as is clear in both Lover & 1989 New York is a sacred place for TS and KK’s love story, the high line is a) a beautiful NYC icon and b) right in between the girls’ two places...

- as mentioned, miss Karlie ELIZABETH Kloss was the brand model for Levi’s and definitely has worn some sequins and black lipstick on cobblestones sooooo.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

- “you drew stars around my scars” = see Drake’s birthday party and the infamous third Polaroid mystery 👀

- “stepping on the last train” could mean one of two things to me; 1. The last resort for KK was marrying J*sh or 2. the last train could represent some goodbye the girls had where KK chose something/someone else over Taylor.

- “peter losing Wendy” is such an interesting metaphor on so many levels but specifically, Wendy loses Peter because she wakes up (from nearly dying but nvm) and grows up and stops believing in Neverland and magic, basically Wendy loses an attachment to Peter because her reality shifts and that’s what gets remembered especially in the Disney version of the story. HOWEVER, the opposite is also true meaning Peter Pan loses Wendy because he can never co-exist with her again, he can never grow up or bring her back to Neverland without either killing her or ruining her. So this idea that someone wanted to change the ending from peter losing Wendy because he had to do what was best for her because he loved her echoes as Karlie didn’t want to marry Jerk or hurt Taylor but had to in order to protect her. Right? 😅

- “leaving like a father, running like water” = Taylor’s parents got divorced and there’s SOME thoughts Scott left the house and Taylor lives with her Mom in Nashville in her teen years.

- “I knew everything when I was young” - Taylor has always know she was LGBT+ 🌈 and also, baby VSFS vibes because as we all know, “we were both young when I first saw you...” send tweet.

- “I knew you’d come back to me” hopefully, HOPEFULLY foreshadows the girls being together/coming out soon !!!!!!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

- music video wise, I’ll do a break down soon.

TLGAD

- ‘Rebekkah’ refers to the previous owner of Taylor’s Watch Hill, RI house, Rebekah Harkness. She was a divorcee until marrying Standard Oil heir William (aka Bill) Hale Harkness, a new-money dynasty was formed in this time from their profit. There are MANY wild, whimsical stories about ‘Betty’ (which is obviously an extended metaphor of folklore)  that this song tries to re-create/recapture.  

- Taylor is also known as ‘Becky’ due to the popular meme so this is quite literally a play on her own character as well as the previous inhabitants of the house.

- St Louis is not only Rebekkah’s hometown, but also Karlie Elizabeth Kloss’. 

- “the wedding was charming, if a little gouche” seems like a direct shot fired at Karlie’s woodsy photoshoot of 2018 😂😂(ironically, folklore’s key aesthetic is the woods!!)

- “it must’ve been her fault his heart gave out” refers explicitly to William dying of a heart attack in the house, but subtly I feel like this is a dig at the media who constantly blame women for things they cannot control, as they have done with Taylor too many times to even count. 

- “who knows if she never showed up, what could’ve been” seems like Taylor is stuck thinking about what may have happened for her and Karlie if things had been different, see the 1. 

- “she/I had a marvellous time ruining everything” is such an incredibly provoking lyric on two fronts, 1. obviously taylor buying her RI house had a massive impact on an otherwise sleepy holiday town that is now more famous for Taylor’s july 4 parties than anything else and 2. seems introspective or personal, as if the things that ruined everything for Karlie and Taylor were the best and most marvellous parts of their relationship (big sur, kissgate etc.) 

- “flew in all her bitch pack friends from the city” is not only about the friends and celebs Rebekkah was notorious for hosting but also Taylor’s ‘bitches and model’ girl gang circa 2015 which includes one Karlie Kloss. 

- “blew through the money on the boys and the ballet” refers to Rebekkah’s love of wasting her fortune on things, including a ballet company that went under not long after she created it BUT also refers to Taylor paying so many boys to be her beards and PR stunts whilst also spending her money on a certain ex-Ballerina. Also remember her AMA’s performance of Lover/ bts of Shake It Off? 😉😉😉

- “50 years is a long time” - 50 seems deliberate, a bit of a reach but note it WAS the 50th anniversary of Stonewall last year. 🏳️‍🌈

-  “free of women with madness, their men and bad habits and THEN IT WAS BOUGHT BY ME.” - this clearly shows that ALL the songs are being narrated by Taylor, some of the lyrics are about her, some are about these fictional or fantastical characters she’s created but there is her truth behind all of them too. 

- “the loudest woman this town has ever seen” = Taylor is undoubtedly the most famous woman in the town who regualrly causes uproar there (see the Sea Wall debacle and the Taylor Swift Tax)

- in all, the two famed women owner’s of Holiday House have many overlaps and are forever intertwined. 

exile

- “i can see you standing honey with his arms around your body” as the opening line is LOUD. to me, feels like this is about ALL those staged photos of Josh and Karlie uncomfortable/fake as hell on social media. 

- “laughing but the joke’s not funny at all” is something we’ve all thought about Karlie’s marriage before and is about that moment where if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry at the situation. 

- “it took you 5 whole minutes to pack up ... holding all this love out here in the hall” to me is about someone moving out of a shared home, like Karlie from Taylor’s NYC apartment, after a break up or fight. We know it is MORE than likely that the girls’ broke up, for a while or for good, in 2017/18. 

- “I think I’ve seen this film before, and didn’t like the ending” is a lot like “Cause cruelty wins in the movies, I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you” / “All of my heroes die all alone.” which makes me truly believe that delicate > the archer > exile are all the progression of the same love story.  ❤️

- “now I’m in exile seeing you out” = both of them have lost their home, exiled from the relationship.

- “I can see you staring honey, like he’s just your understudy” has a lot to unpack. Firstly, see this photo. Second, as a beard, Joe is quite literally Karlie’s understudy - stepping in only to fill a public void or play her part when she can’t. 

- “like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me” is basically this tweet

- “second, third and hundredth chances” - hopefully this means the girls WILL be together again soon!!! 

- “those eyes add insult to injury” - Taylor has often made explcit reference to her lover’s eyes, but this could also mean the eyes of the public on her every move and relationship not allowing her to properly grapple with break ups. 👁️

-  “i’m not your problem anymore, so who am i offending?” - homophobes love to say wlw or mlm relationships “offend” them or their beliefs, so who could taylor be offending if she’s publicly in a straight relationship? 

- “you were my crown”, Taylor was/is Karlie’s princess, if Karlie is gone, Taylor doesn’t feel like she’s a princess anymore. Likewise, Karlie is Taylor’s sunshine which makes the moody, misty, dark aesthetics all the more relevant to this album. 

- “so I’m leaving out the side door’ - this side door? the other side of the door?

- “all of this time, we always walked a very thin line” between outing themselves and being happy? 

- “I gave so many signs” - Taylor has queercoded EVERY album since her self-titled, she has been dropping hints and signs for years that she is LGBT+ so it must be exhausting to have to keep hiding who she loves. This is repeated so many times - it means a lot. 

- written with William Bowery who nobody can quite identify, but Karlie and Taylor have been to the Bowery many times together and William is mentioned earlier in TLGAD

- this whole song is a duet, a two-sided conversation between lovers - her and karlie both without each other. 

my tears ricochet

- Track 5 is, as per usual, deeply confessional, personal, emotive and moving. 😿😿

- there are lots of theories and layers to this masterpiece of a song, including that it’s in reference to big machine. I personally think every single song of Taylor’s is made up of layers that reflect multiple things in her life and experience so plausibly it can be about multiple things all at once including Sco** and Scumbag as well as Karlie, who was under Scumbag’s management for the majority of the decade. Another theory which with every new listen I think is more and more possible is that this is alternating between Taylor and Karlie’s perspectives. 

- ‘if i’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too” whoever is associated with Taylor will ALWAYS be dragged down with her. If she’s being attacked, they will be too. Big 2016 energy. 

- “even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me?” could be directed at a lover, or at Big Machine, or even the public for all the shit they’ve said about Taylor over the years. 

- “I swear I loved you ‘till my dying day” seems a lot like the 1, as well as could be about the music and the label she helped build. 

- “I didn’t have it within myself to go with grace.” Taylor was LOUD about her split from Big Machine, she called them out (rightly) and made noise which is not a ‘graceful’ split. 

- “you’re the hero flying around saving face” very easily is about S+S jackasses but deeper than that, while Taylor was under immense attack and criticism, everyone who actually like her music pretended suddenly to hate it and her to stay ‘cool’ 

- “cause if I’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” this lyric becomes especially important in the final verse but essentially those who publicly distanced themself from Taylor still showed up when she was thriving again and/or because they actually truly loved her *uhmm karlie uhmm* 

- “cursing my name, wishing I stayed” either at Big Machine or with Karlie/Taylor. 

- “some to make a diamond ring” > firstly we still have never understood the ring image from the LWYMMD and ME! videos, it is entirely possible this is a continuation of that same symbol/image. Second, I think this hints to Karlie getting ‘engaged’ while still being with Taylor, the rock for the ring in the song was found by the two people gathering stones after all. 

- “you know i didn't want to have to haunt you” both Taylor and Karlie have big reputations all over the world that follow them everywhere. For either one, they will always be haunted by reminders of each other. 

- “you wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me” - on the Big Machine side, Taylor made the label professional and big, she is literally the sole reason it succeeded in the music industry so she handed Sco** his fortune and reputation which he still had when he sold her music to Scumbag and got into a very dirty bed with him. From the Karlie side, many people have noted that not only does she wear her black cartier necklace, which is assumed to be from Taylor, but to her ‘wedding’ wore a necklace she’d worn before with Taylor. 

- “when I’d fight you’d tell me I was brave” could refer to Sco** encouraging her in 2016 to defend herself. Could refer to Karlie supporting her behind the scenes. 

- ‘and I can go anywhere I want, just not home” seems like a continuation from exile, as in she’s lost the place she called home because her lover is no longer there but could also mean she can’t go back to her other albums and the house (see the lover music video) that they created as her musical home.

- “you will still miss me in your bones” could be about Sco** losing his money and label without her there to physically support and carry it or about the fact that the love Taylor and Karlie had is so ingrained it’s in their bones forever. 

- “and i still talk to you when I’m screaming at the sky” this lyric has a lot of possible interpretations (i’ve seen one about cursing out God?) but i think it’s similar to “asking the traffic lights if i’ll be alright” as in, it’s Taylor asking the universe to help her make sense of things. 

- “when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies” suggests a) sco** + scumbag is still haunted by the music they stole from Taylor because it was literally the backbone of the business which is now practically worthless and b) that Karlie is kept awake by the songs Taylor has written for and about her over the years which again were stolen away by the jackasses at Big Machine.  

- “you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same” again, same idea - big machine will never be profitable without her/while they hold her masters hostage. BUT Karlie wise, breaking up with Taylor broke her too? 

- this is where the song changes. it shifts from Taylor’s story to someone else’s, personally I think Karlie. 

- “you turned into your worst fears” as in she settled for the money and sold her values off by marrying Josh. Also, Karlie was under Scumbag’s management for years (part of Taylor’s hatred of him was him keeping the girls’ from doing as they pleased) so by being completely controlled by him, she turned into this completely fake person. Contrast 2014/15 Karlie with 2017/18 Karlie and it so much more all about PR and money. 

- “you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years” - sco** and scumbag have made so many false excuses for their behaviour and completely erased the good relationship between the Swifts and sco**. Not sure yet what the Karlie side is here but it’s here somewhere. 

- in conclusion, this is about Big Machine and Karlie. As the first song Taylor wrote for the album, I think it’s clear just how incredibly multi-faceted this album is. ☕☕☕

mirrorball

- first off, we can never forget about this and this look from both girls. ✨✨

- “I’ll to show you every version of yourself tonight”, the public and the private sides to them both. this is big glass closet energy in my opinion 

- “and when I break it’s in a million pieces” is so personal and heartbreaking. 2016 and Kaylor breakup vibes. I cannot elaborate at this time. 

- “when no one is around my dear” = the secrecy, forbidden love motif returns and again, if she’s in a hetero relationship, what’s to hide? 

- “you’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes”, Just an fyi, Karlie, a giraffe, is 6′2″, Taylor is 5′10″ -- thats a big difference. 🦒🦒🦒

-  “i know they said the end is near” = end of the relationship or the end of hiding it, either way, it’s a romantic last private moment together, swaying as the room burns down. 

- “i can change everything about me to fit in” = Taylor when she was starting out was forced to create this all innocent, american-girl image of herself. She has had to hide herself to succeed, as she said in Miss Americana, she was muzzled. 

- “you are not like the regulars, the masquerade revelers” = Karlie is different to everyone else, or any other ex, ‘masquerade’ implies masked or hidden figures at a party, very Love Story 

- “and the called off the circus, burned the disco down” = the ‘circus’ could be the media/public, or all the illusions Taylor has cast in order to appear straight. The ‘disco’, and Taylor is the ‘mirror ball’ to her lover means that this isolated existence of just the two of them. 

- “I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything” for now, she’s still closeted, she’s still trying to have the best of everything. 

- “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why” believer in everything working out perhaps, or perhaps believing it’s better if she’s in the closet and it’s only the two of them. 

- “never been a natural” = she has completely created herself through years off trying to be what people want, not who she naturally is. 

seven

- “picture me” implies this is retrospective of Taylor, she’s reflecting on her childhood/youth. 

- “I hit my peak at Seven” could either refer to the age 7 or album 7, ‘Lover’ which many critics argued was her best work. 

- “Over the creek I was too scared to jump in” = fear of jumping is something Taylor has discussed in many songs but this is different, the creek represents something she fears will drown her.

- “High in the sky with Pennsylvania under me” = obviously, Taylor was born and raised in rural PA, so this truly is a childhood memory unearthed and explored. It’s personal to Taylor, it’s her story. 👏🏼

- “Are there still beautiful things?”  Recognizing the world isn’t all daisies and rainbows 

- “cross your heart, don’t tell no other” = again, secret keeping and hiding something is a big queer image, ‘cross your heart’ is a quite childish phrase but it’s adult equivalent in Taylor’s world is an NDA, ie swearing people to secrecy is something she's always known... 🔐

- “Although i can’t recall your face, I still got love for you” = this childhood love has faded with time to memories, this girl simultaneously forgotten and remembered. 

- “Your braids like a pattern” = definitely about a girl (1996 rural Pennsylvania was not the kind of place where boys had braids), specific use of YOUR pronoun not ‘my’ or ‘our’ suggesting again it’s about a girl. Very obviously about a first girl crush. 🌈 

- “passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long” = firstly, reference to Neruda’s poem Taylor used in the red prologue. second, folksongs change slightly from generation to generation but the heart/melody remains the same meaning that in Taylor’s mind, the story of her first girl love has changed but it’s still the same song/story all the years later. also, clearly a reminder of the setting of the song and the album as a whole being folklore. 💛

- “your dad is always mad and that must be why” feels a lot like Love Story and forbidden love, also again rural Pennsylvania in the mid-1990s was not the most liberal place so I can imagine a lot of homophobic ideas that perforated Taylor’s childhood.

- “I think you should come live with me” is such an innocent image of someone in love and wanting to just fix things by bringing them home, it also is like a baby gay version of uhauling 

- “we could be pirates” = pirates are not just a childhood image/motif but also one historically seen as gay, gangs of pirates often had ‘mateolage’ agreements that basically were like widow’s benefits. See John Swann. ☠️

- “you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet.” = I think this one is explicitly clear but just to be sure, Taylor could’ve said “hide when he lost it, hide if you wanted, hide in the woods too” etc. Read this for a full understanding of why it such a LOUD image to use.  It is VERY DELIBERATE PEOPLE. 🌈🌈🌈

- “just like a folk song, our love will be passed on” = different from the first bridge but deliberate again. Their story, aka Taylor liking girls from a young age will always be talked about, AND their love lives in this song she wrote.

- “picture me in the weeds before I learned civility” = again, given the homophobic attitude, ‘civility’ and straightness should be read as the same so Taylor is saying when she was a child, free in the grass and herself, she wants to always be. 

- “I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted” = she wasn’t muzzled as a child, she could say and be who she wanted, screaming it aloud for everyone to hear but that changed as she grew up. 

- “pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move to India forever” = ‘dolls’ again would imply it’s two girls running away together and India is this exocitc far off place to a child, a place where they can be together without anyone knowing them or controlling them. 

August

- Karlie Kloss is born in August. Karlie Kloss posted yesterday about being a Leo (an August born). August belongs to Karlie Kloss. 🦁♌

- “rust on your door” = image of something well-worn, perhaps someone who’s been here too a few times before?

- “whispers of are you sure?” = obviously there is the sexual connotation, but beyond that, what if it’s about Taylor and Karlie going public etc. 

- “never have I ever before” = see above but also the game ‘never have I ever’ evokes youthfulness and sounds almost like a reminder of a fun night with friends. 

- “I can see us lost in the memory” = implies they’re still together, losing themself in the memory together

- “I can see us twisted in bedsheets” = again, sexual imagery but also the intimacy of sharing a bed with the person you love after sex 

- “Like a bottle of wine” = matures the song a bit, the youthfulness of earlier is now more adult. 21 is America’s drinking age, 20s were mentioned early etc. 🍷

- “Cause you were never mine” = the whole of Taylor and Karlie’s relationship, Karlie has publically been dating Josh so she was never solely Taylor’s. 

- “Will you call when you’re back at school?” = Karlie attended NYU in 2015, the height of Kaylor. 

- “back when we were still changing for the better” = instead of changing to adapt/survive or keep up appearances. 

- “wanting was enough” = wanting Karlie without labels was enough, rather than having to go public etc. Many have said for a long time that Karlie and Taylor fought about coming out or not. 

- “cancel plans in case you would call” = sounds like a very love-sick Taylor Swift thing to do. Also waiting on a lover’s call when they constantly are travelling like both Karlie and Taylor do makes sense. ☎️

- “so much for summer love” = cruel summer echo? Summer 2015 was again, peak Kaylor so this could be a specific reference to that period

- “Do you remember? Remember when I pulled up and said ‘get in the car’” another specific reference, comes up again later in Betty, clearly is something personal. 

- “Back when I was still living for the hope of it all” = back as in the past when everything was happening, hope of it all being the hope they’d still end up together. 

TO SUM UP PART 1:

BENEATH ALL FICTION OR MYTH IS FACT & FEELING. Taylor is no longer hiding. Yes, some of these songs are about stories and people not her but there is so much of herself and her own story layered in too. PAY ATTENTION!!! Obviously, these are just my opinions, I’m not Taylor so I cannot know exactly what these songs are about but I think, after years of analyzing her music, these images/themes and deliberate word choice are well-versed in this part of the fandom. It is entirely possible this is the beginning of Taylor’s full, public coming out journey. 

I’ll be back with Part 2 tomorrow.  Stay Tuned!

[amltdaily]

When A Million Little Things‘ Gary takes matters into his own hands, he really takes matters into his own hands.

We’re referring, of course, to the final moments of the ABC drama’s Season 3 finale, which found Gary drawing Sophie’s lecherous music teacher Peter out onto his front porch, throwing a bag over his head and then bodily moving him back into the house, slamming the door behind them.

The move, coming from the generally affable actuary, was a shocking way to end Season 3 — though series creator DJ Nash tells TVLine that he’s threaded hints through the previous seasons.

“We’ve seen bits of it throughout the series, whether it’s him smashing the painting with Jon or him punching the car and having that guy pull a gun on him,” the executive producer says. “It probably goes back to the anger he feels about his mom leaving him. He definitely wants the world to be just, and it’s not, and I think he tries to line up justice wherever it’s askew.”

When he can’t — such as when Sophie’s complaint of sexual harassment isn’t enough for the police to arrest Peter — “it’s really hard for [Gary] to accept that,” Nash adds.

Elsewhere in the two-hour season-ender:

* Darcy decided to move to Lenox, Mass., so Liam could be close to his dad. After much deliberation, Gary decided to move with her. But when he mentioned that he thought their future involved having a child together, Darcy made it clear that she did not want that. Later, though, she had a change of heart and called Gary, leaving him a voicemail saying that she thought he would make a great dad and maybe they could discuss the possibility. But he was busy when the call came. (See above.)

* Delilah returned from France in time to accompany Sophie to the police station, where she told a detective about what Peter had done to her. She also handed over Layla’s diary as evidence. But the detective sadly told her that it wasn’t enough to arrest Peter, though he thanked her for giving them something with which to start a file on him. Gary got really mad and kicked a garbage can across the room.

* Soon after, Delilah told Eddie that she wanted to move back to France with the kids. Danny and Sophie balked at the news, and Gary lit into Delilah. “I’m so sorry you’re not happy, but you know what? I’m not sure you’re entitled to be,” he said. (And that wasn’t even the meanest part!) The interaction left Delilah sobbing.

* Regina made the tough decision to close Someday, which had been failing in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic and her concussion. Meanwhile, Rome comforted Tyrell after the teen learned that his mother’s deportation stemmed from getting pulled over by police while driving to FedEx his application for a summer program.

* Theo burned his hand on Katherine’s watch; Eddie’s lawyer told him to get photos of the injury so they could use it against Katherine in the custody battle. So Eddie did, but he felt bad about it and later told Katherine that he wouldn’t use the photos against her. Instead, he drew up an agreement for joint custody, in which he can be with Theo without supervision and in which he will take a weekly drug test. If he fails, she gets full custody. “I promise, I will not fail Theo,” he said.

* But that wasn’t all Eddie was up to. He answered a call from a blocked number, thinking it was a telemarketer, but the woman on the other end was crying. “I’m the person who hit you,” she said, apologizing.

* Gary visited his father, who tacitly agreed to give him an alibi for the evening. Then Gary went off and did the bad thing.

Read on as Nash breaks down the packed episode: Eddie’s call, Gary’s premeditated act, the possibility of new romance in Season 4 and more.

TVLINE | I was shocked when we saw what Gary did in that final scene. How in control of himself would you say he is there? Well, he goes to his dad’s and sets up an alibi, so this wasn’t… It appears as though whatever he does behind that door is premeditated.

TVLINE | I want Peter to undergo slow and painful torture, but still, I don’t want Gary to do it. I remember the idea for the last scene came to me much earlier in our season… Elizabeth [Laime], one of our writers, has been very forthcoming about sharing her story, and it led to a beautiful heartbreaking story about Sophie… I had this idea for this scene, and I knew just this one scene could actually be tacked on a bunch of episodes, because it does sort of stand alone. The way we’ve done it with the podcast, it became a piece where Sophie’s commenting on other casualties and the other people who are hurt by what Peter did. But we shot that scene before.

When I got the idea for the scene… I called Elizabeth to go, “Hey, I just want to make sure you’re OK with this story,” and she goes, “I love it.” Because part of what our show is is a bunch of writers talking about their pain and maybe writing different endings, you know? You write the version of your parents’ divorce you wish had happened, or you write the version of losing a friend to suicide. I mean, they all come from very personal places. So, then I talked to James [Roday Rodriguez], he said to me, “What happens on the other side of that door?” … And then he said, “OK. Love it. Where do we find moments of that leading up to it?” He and I talked pretty extensively, because I wanted him to play some subtle moments. Whether it’s something a little more overt like kicking the trash can in a police station, [and] there are other moments that when we get to next season, you’ll realize, oh, did they know here? And those are moments that he and I and the directors found to place.

TVLINE | I was — I’m not suggesting for a second in any way that what Gary went over to do is something people should do. [Laughs]

TVLINE | I will make sure that we leave that part in. So can we talk about the call Eddie gets at the end of the episode? What I love about this show is there’s enough plates spinning that… we can get you to forget about one essential plate, and then we can come back to it. It had been enough time now where people had figured, “Oh, maybe it’s not playing out.” Also, [I had to] decide how much of that call to put in the finale. That call goes on.

TVLINE | With Katherine and Eddie breaking up, you now have two more players that can mix it up with others. Yeah.

TVLINE | And I know you’ve said that Gary and Delilah are not going to be a thing. They will never be a thing!

TVLINE | You’re going to get into season 10 and you’re going to be like, “Remember when I told you they were never going to be a thing? About that…” [Laughs] When that story happens, you’ll be like, ‘Oh, you must not be on the show anymore.”

TVLINE | What I’m getting at is that it feels like we might see a bunch of new faces next season. Is that at all on your radar? Yes. There will be people in their lives, and I’m happy to tip that we’re going to see Katherine — Carter set up a dating profile. Is something happening there? And we’re seeing Eddie, who is single for the first time in a long time, and single for the first time ever in a wheelchair, and we’ll see how he gets the confidence and the courage to go out there again.

TVLINE | Poor Regina with her concussion and her restaurant going south. Tell me there’s some brightness coming her and Rome’s way. Well, I actually think there already is. I think there already is… If you look at where Regina ended last season — with thinking that she had this baby, and this mom changing her mind, and her being devastated — where she ends the next season is with her baby consoling her. So I don’t think that’s sad at all. But she does have to figure out what her next chapter of her life’s going to be, and it’s not going to be easy.

[crowdvscritic]

round up // AUGUST 21

Happy 2nd birthday to these Round Ups! For two years I’ve been making monthly pop culture picks, and they’ve included:

More than 200 movies

32 TV shows and specials, plus 8 different Saturday Night Live Round Ups

27 albums, singles, playlists, and more music picks

13 podcasts

12 books

2 concerts

There have also been articles, events, museums, social media bits, trailers, and a service that helps you find movies across streaming platforms. (Find all of them here.) This month I’m adding a few more, like: 

2 podcasts

2 albums

5 vampire movies

A conversation between two GOATs

A very funny dead guy

A terrifying Robert Mitchum performance

Another Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed

Here’s to another year!

August Crowd-Pleasers

1. Jungle Cruise (2021)

Indiana Jones meets Pirates of the Caribbean with a dash of The African Queen. I like all those movies, so sue me, I had a nice time! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

2. Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Genetically-enhanced sharks try to break free of their cages in an ocean research facility, chaos ensues for the characters, and it’s a delight for us. For no intelligent reason, I love movies that make me guess who’s going to get killed off next, so a big dumb shark movie starring L.L. Cool J and Samuel L. Jackson? It’s a particular brand of joy. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 5.5/10

3. Double Feature — Adam Sandler Comedies: 50 First Dates (2004) + Murder Mystery (2019)

Adam Sandler movies are little like IcyHot for the brain—that is, they’re the relaxing kind of mind-numbing. Thanks to a stressful month at work, I watched six Sandler flicks in August—which I don’t necessarily recommend but also don’t regret—and the Netflix original Murder Mystery (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) was one of the the best of the bunch. It’s a silly spoof of Agatha Christie’s work, and it’s a scenic two-hour European vacay. I also gave 50 First Dates (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10) another try and was pleasantly surprised. Once you get past some of the gross-out humor at the beginning, you’ll find a sweet story all about how we need to keep showing up for the people we love.

4. Double Feature — SNL Comedies: Wayne’s World (1992) + Hot Rod (2007)

My love for Saturday Night Live is more than well-documented, so exactly zero mes were surprised that I loved these flicks from its alums. Wayne’s World (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10) follows up with Wayne and Garth in the basement we first saw on late night. Now they have the opportunity to make it big on TV thanks to a sleazy exec (Rob Lowe). Brian Doyle-Murray and Chris Farley show up, and so do Laverne and Shirley? Hot Rod (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10) follows Rod (Andy Samberg) as he tries to make it big as a stuntman and impress his stepdad (Ian McShane). Will Arnett, Bill Hader, and Chris Parnell show up, and now I can mostly forgive all those boys in high school who quoted this movie non-stop.

5. Weekend at Bernie’s (1989)

If those SNL comedies weren’t enough silliness for you, how about you add some Bernie to your lineup? Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman are wannabe-yuppies who think they’ve got their  career breaks when an exec named Bernie invites them to his vacation home for the weekend. What they don’t know is that Bernie (Terry Kiser) has been laundering money, is connected to the mob, and, is now, um, dead. The right thing would be to call the police, but then we wouldn’t have a 97-minute high-concept comedy, now would we? Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

6. Twilight series (2008-12)

I mostly skipped the Twilight phenomenon at its peak, but I’m so glad I hopped on the train years later—this series of vampire vs. werewolf showdowns are ridiculous.  But major kudos to the filmmakers who somehow turned a dump truck of nonsensical gobbledygook and unhealthy teenage relationships into something insanely watchable. Also, major kudos to Billy Burke and his understated, curmudgeonly, sarcastic performance. Bella’s dad is the MVP with the only appropriate responses to all of the nonsense he's forced to participate in and the only tether this franchise has to reality. Be sure to watch with a friend so you have someone else to process this weirdness with. Series Crowd: 8/10 // Series Critic: 5/10

7. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers at The Muny

You know what’s great? Live theater! This month I made my first trip back to the stage at America’s oldest and largest outdoor amphitheater, the Muny in St. Louis. Their productions never disappoint, and these performers reminded me of Howard Keel, Jane Powell, and Russ Tamblyn in the best ways. 

8. Wimbledon (2004)

Paul Bettany and Kirsten fall in love at Wimbledon! Frankly, that premise alone should be enough to sell you on this very winning rom-com. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

9. Career Opportunities (1991)

This month’s Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed! Frank Whaley and Jennifer Connelly fall in love while stuck overnight at a Target—which honestly sounds like a dream scenario—and since it’s a John Hughes script, it’s got some heart beneath its thin premise. John Hughes directing would’ve made it better, but there’s enough Hughes in there to catch my heart. Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 4.5/10

10. First Blood (1982)

Aka Rambo: Part I. Sylvester Stallone is a tough-as-nails Vietnam vet, and Brian Dennehy is the self-righteous sheriff who ticks him off. It digs a bit into PTSD and how we don’t take care of our veterans, but mostly, it’s just Stallone going ape with a knife and explosives. Oddly, also from the same director as Weekend at Bernie’s! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7/10

August Critic Picks

1. TCM’s The Plot Thickens Season 2 (2021)

You know those movies that make you ask, “How on Earth did this get made?” This season of The Plot Thickens, subtitled The Devil’s Candy, is an attempt to answer that question. Pretty much no one thinks 1990’s The Bonfire of the Vanities works as a film—including yours truly—and reporter Julie Salomon documented many of its production troubles leading to the final product. A must-listen for anyone who loves hearing behind-the-scenes stories or just gets a kick out of schadenfreude. 

2. Gene and Roger (2021)

Gene and Roger, the summer series on The Big Picture podcast, is an overview and reflection on the work of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, starting with the launch of their individual careers in the ‘60s through their partnership that lasted into the ‘90s. Another must-listen for movie lovers, especially those who love digging into the history and criticism.

3. Gold-Diggers Sound by Leon Bridges (2021)

Chill vibes and cool groves to transition you from Summer to Autumn.

4. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

Come for the Clint Eastwood, stay for the Ennio Morricone. Actually you can stay for Eastwood, too, because his humor is at his driest, and for Eli Wallach, whose Tuco is an insanely charming cockroach. It’s almost three hours, but this treasure hunt breezes by like a tumbleweed in the wind. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

5. AFI’s Master Class - The Art of Collaboration: Steven Spielberg and John Williams (2011)

Two GOATS talking about making some of the GOATs. They share clips and explain their collaborative process (including on projects like Jaws and Schindler’s List), and they take questions from film students at AFI. I’m only wishing it were 10 hours instead of 1!

6. The Night of the Hunter (1955)

Robert Mitchum’s terrifying preacher elevates this classic into more than just a standard crime thriller. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

7. Respect (2021)

While a few scenes indulge in melodrama, Jennifer Hudson’s killer performance—both in vocals and character work—more than makes up for it. This Aretha Franklin biopic hits the familiar beats, but it makes you feel like you’re in the room listening to Franklin sing , which is really all you want from a movie like this. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8/10

8. Solar Power by Lorde (2021)

At first listen, this minimalist pop record sounds worlds away from the angst of Pure Heroine and the melodrama of Melodrama. At second listen, you realize it’s the Lorde you know and love, just with a Laurel Canyon influence. Carole King even gets a shout!

Also in August…

This month Kyla and I checked out Loveline, a call-in radio show popular during the run of Gilmore Girls.  Should our favorite Yale students give up dating OR call into the syndicated radio show Loveline? Should Dr. Drew Pinsky and Adam Carolla give strangers advice OR make fun of them? Oh, and Germany OR Florida? Listen to ep. 107 of SO IT’S A SHOW?

The '40s are coming! Reviews of 1940s Best Picture winners are on their way, and I kicked it off with an overview of the Academy that decade focusing on how they responded to World War II and their new prestigious reputation.

Photo credits: The Muny, The Plot Thickens, Gene and Roger, Leon Bridges, AFI, Lorde. All others IMDb.com.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a nice day. I love spring. But I am sick of wearing the same 5 black things for work. I find it so annoying. But I am trying my best to make it work and feel cute. Shoe style helps. And hopefully a new hair style will help too? My consultation appointment is tomorrow so fingers crossed. 

I had a pretty alright day though I wasted my morning. I could not sleep again last night. I was up until past 2am. It was not fun. But the actual sleep was okay. 

Because I couldnt fall asleep I slept until almost 10. James texted me to see if I was okay. Mostly I was just. So tired. I was not a good temperature and I was uncomfortable and it sucked. But I forced myself to get up. 

I made the bed and washed my face. I got dressed and felt pretty good. I had toast and grapes for breakfast. Sat in the dungeon with James. Played a little animal crossing. I just wanted to catch cherry blossoms. So I did that until I had 10 and then moved to the couch to hang out. 

At 11 I decided I would put my skates on. I think I may try to skate outside this weekend, but I just moved our furniture in the living room and skated for like 20 minutes. It was nice. I feel pretty confident and my breaking is getting better. So I may move to trying to skate more outside. Alone. Even though that scares me. 

After I skated I got my backpack and a snack, and kissed James goodbye. 

I actually left like 10 minutes to early. I thought I would walk more but I still ended up at work to early so I sat on the bench outside and listened to my podcast. It was nice. 

Work was pretty good. The only issue I had was that our classroom is very hot (the AC is actually broken! Ugh) and we are going to have 6 more students next week. So thats going to be a lot. But honestly besides that today was pretty good. 

I spent some time setting up project stuff. I wanted to teach them the exquisite corpse game, so I drew up some sheets like I said I was going to. And it worked so well!! We played after snack and they really seemed to like it and after they asked all their questions we played two rounds and I collected all of them and showed everyone and talked a little about each one. Lots of laughs. It was nice. 

I also made sheets for making the parts of the plant. And drew it up on the board. After gym they came down and I taught them about plants. We talked about edible plants and when some plants are only edible in certain ways. And how flowers can become fruit. And how some things are poisonous. And then I explained that they didnt have to draw the same flower I drew, that other plants have similar parts, like a tree or a cactus. And then they drew their own and it was great. They were very good workers today and I was really proud of them. 

We just spent some time hanging out. Some kids were drawing. I read a few books to them. It was mostly nice. But also just long. The whole day just felt very draggy. Just slow. But we got to the end. 

We put on a movie for the end of the day but there were only a couple kids left and they just wanted to lay on the ground. Which was fine. I was almost falling asleep honestly. And I got to go home at 530 and I basically rushed out of there. 

I went home and was starving. I had leftover mac and cheese real quick while James finished their work. And then after 6 when James was done we headed out. 

My bike was getting new breaks. So we walked to the bike store. I decided to also stop at the art store since its right there. I had never been in this one and was surprised how big it was. I will have to go back there soon. I could use some refreshed supplies. I got mold making stuff. And then headed down to meet James at the bike store. 

As I came around the corner I went to say hi to James and then I saw a cat on the ground! A cat with a huge nose!! Turns out it was the shop cat and it let me pick it up and hold it and pet it until my bike was done. I was having a blast holding this very old man cat. What a sweetheart. Just a bag of bones that was purring up a storm. It was so nice. 

Once my bike was ready I said goodbye to the cat and me and James biked to go have dinner. It was nice to bike. I need to work on doing it more. Stop feeling so stuck at home. But it was nice to be out. 

We sat at a picnic table and ordered pizza and things. It was nice just being out together. I was feeling really tired though. I hate that Im just low level tired and disconnected all the time. But I was having nice date with my partner and I was happy. 

We biked home. And I was a little frustrated with James because we had trouble finding a trash can so they were holding the pizza box and insisted on putting our soda cans in the pocket of their hoodie and then wouldnt stop complaining about them even though I kept saying to just put them in my bike basket. So I was just a little frustrated. But we got home and once we were inside it was fine. 

We laid in bed and watched videos for a while. And at 9 we finally got up and I went and took a bath. Washed my hair. Shaved my legs and arms. One of my kids today kept rubbing my arm and telling me it was "sharp", I told them Im prickly like a cactus and we had a good laugh. But now I am smooth and ready for bed.

I hope I can sleep okay tonight. And then I will have a nice morning and have my hair consultation. And I hope you all have a nice day too. Goodnight everyone.  

[knovesstorytelling]

Murray Mysteries S1E1 Transcript

Episode 1. Mina Murray’s Particularly Powerful Podcast Preface 

Written by May Toudic

Mina: Welcome to Murray Mysteries.

[Theme music plays.]

Mina: Hi! Hello. 

Mina (chuckling nervously): Howdy, nope. 

[She groans.]

Mina: Welcome to this podcast. I’m Mina Murray. Blessed with an alliterative name since 1996. By day, I’m an unemployed twenty-something with a teaching degree. But by night, I, uh. I read books, watch true crime shows, and do jigsaw puzzles with my boyfriend.

[She laughs.]

Mina (pretending to be a sports announcer): And the crowd goes wild!

[She laughs more.]

Mina: Yeah, I know, I know. I sound uh, I sound boring. Honestly, I might be? You’re probably thinking “Everyone and their mother has a podcast nowadays. Why should I listen to this early-onset grandma talk about her life as an unemployed jigsaw puzzler?” If I were you, I probably wouldn’t want to listen to me either. BUT, but. I can be interesting, I promise. I love learning about psychology, and history, and criminology, and a lot of other things ending in -y and—

Mina (laughingly): I like sharing that knowledge too.

Mina: Trust me, I did not get a teaching degree because I love spending all my time with kids and teenagers. I did it because I want to make them better adults. And for every twenty brats there are, there is one who’s actually interested in learning stuff and listening to me rambling on about who came closest to catching Jack the Ripper. Weirdly, that primary school I did my placement in didn’t ask me back full time. Something about topics appropriate to discuss with six-year-olds? Their loss. Honestly, the kids loved it.

Mina: If that didn’t convince you, you should know I also hang out with way more interesting people than myself. My boyfriend, Jonathan, is a solicitor! Yeah, that doesn’t sound any better, but I swear he’s fun. He’s currently on a work trip to Transylvania, so clearly the job has benefits. He’s been sending me a lot of pictures of his food on the way to his client’s place and he said he was going to record his trip for my podcast’s travel segment. Didn’t have the heart to tell him that, uh, this trip’s the first one he’s been sent on in two years and we’re way too broke to fund our own travel segment.

Mina (thoughtfully): I guess we could do some very illegal camping in the nearest park and pretend the ducks are exotic wildlife.

Mina: Doesn’t that sound exciting. Well, beside budget Bear Grylls, I spend most of my time with my best friend and my flatmate, Lucy. Who’s probably the coolest person alive. She’s really hard to keep up with, in, like, the best way. Always has some kind of dodgy plan that will either turn out the best time of your life or a total disaster. No in-between. One time, she took me to this rave in an old, covered market where everyone was wearing vegetable costumes and they all played remixes of Play That Funky Music. I almost lost an eye to an asparagus, but man that was a fun night. Lucy met someone at the party and even ended up dating him for a bit. It didn’t last very long.

[Mina chuckles and clears her throat.]

Mina: The tomato costume should’ve been a … red flag?

[Mina starts giggling]

Mina: In my opinion.

[She giggles more.]

Mina: Sorry. I should be ashamed. Lucy made a pun jar for the flat and I have to put a quid in it every time I make a really bad one.

Mina (quietly): I won’t tell her about this one if you don’t,

Mina (normally): Oh! Oh, oh. I might’ve given her my login details, so there is a strong possibility she will hijack this podcast. Lucy, if you’re listening to this, don’t hijack the podcast?

[A door opens and shuts.]

Lucy (in the distance): Did I hear my name?

[Footsteps come closer.]

Lucy: You didn’t tell me you were recording.

Mina: You were out?

Lucy: Only for a bit! Did you wait until I was gone, you sneak!

Mina: I needed silence! And you were getting ready to the entire discography of Abba.

[Lucy chuckles.]

Mina: Didn’t you have a date?

Lucy: What? Um, no. Just drinks.

Mina: With someone who thought it was a date? Hmm?

Lucy: Maybe? So, what are you talking about?

Mina: You, actually.

Lucy: Oh, great choice of topic! Are you telling them about the—

Mina: —the veg party, yeah.

Lucy: That was a, that was a night.

[Lucy laughs.]

Lucy: I wonder how that tomato’s doing now.

Mina: No, no, don’t call the tomato.

Lucy: It’s just a call, it couldn’t hurt.

Mina: Lucy, what would Karamo say?

Lucy (in a nasally voice): You deserve better than a toxic relationship with some who doesn’t even know a fruit from a vegetable.

Mina: So, what are you going to do?

Lucy: Not call the tomato.

Mina: Good. Now, you’re either going to help me record this, or you’re going to get out of my room because you’re very distracting.

Lucy: I get that a lot. I’ll help you of course. What’s the next item on those little notes of yours?

Mina: Um, I was just about to tell them how we met.

Lucy: Oh, good! Now they can hear it from both points of view. A dual perspective, if you will.

Mina: You’re really milking that theatre degree there, aren’t you?

Lucy: Well, what else am I going to do with it?

Mina: Fair point.

[Lucy laughs.]

Mina: There’s really not much to the story.

[Lucy gasps.]

Lucy: Not much to it? It was a day for the ages. The origin story of our friendship. A platonic meeting of souls!

Mina: It was an eighties-themed pub quiz.

Lucy: Hey, pub quizzes are a magical thing. Anything can happen in a pub quiz. Case in point: meeting of souls.

Mina: So, it was the last day of freshers week. And I made myself go to this thing because I felt like I had missed out on all the university-mandated binge drinking.

Lucy: Mmhmm.

Mina: I went on a couple campus tours, a couple coffee crawls, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone there. Lucy, on the other hand, was there with a gaggle of glamorous people she’d managed to gather around her like moths to a very sparkly flame.

Lucy: I was wearing that holographic dress, wasn’t I? That was a good dress, I wonder what happened to it.

Mina: Um, you tore out the bit in the back in third year while trying to prove you could do the splits to that um, Brazilian exchange student.

Lucy: Oh. Yeah, I remember that. I think.

Mina: Anyway, I’m sitting there alone in a sticky booth, hoping for a miracle. And this glittering ball of charisma comes up and says “You look like you know stuff.”

Lucy: I’m very observant. You look smart and interesting and very sad and lonely. How could I resist?

Mina: You just wanted someone who was sad enough to have seen every John Hughes movie three times.

Lucy: Well joke’s on me because now I’ve seen them all too. And Molly Ringwald is an eternal icon.

Mina: Yeah, it turns out Lucy’s love of eighties music and my knowledge of history and cheesy movies made us pretty much unbeatable.

Lucy: Mmhmm.

Mina: We won a hundred-pound voucher and Lucy convinced everyone to get a mountain of pub food instead of drinks because she could tell I didn’t want any alcohol.

Lucy: I’m a very good friend. And the chilli chips at that place were amazing!

Mina: Oh, I miss those chilli chips. They piled so much cheese on those, you couldn’t see the chilli or the chips!

Lucy: Nothing will ever beat Jackie’s chips. But we could still order some from that new place tonight and eat while we pack.

Mina: Pack for what?

Lucy: Going on a trip?

Mina: No we’re not, I have stuff to do.

Lucy: Yes we are. My mum wants me to come home and visit and I am not leaving you here alone to brood over your long-lost love, far away across the sea. Come on, it’ll be fun! I promise to do one jigsaw puzzle for every party I drag you to.

Mina: I have to hunt for jobs, Lucy.

Lucy: You can do that online.

Mina: And be around in case they like, need an interview or something.

Lucy: It’s only a couple of hours on the train, you can commute.

Mina (consideringly): Did you say, one puzzle per party?

Lucy: Of less than three hundred pieces. I’m willing to comprise, but I haven’t completely given up on life yet.

Mina: There’s no talking you out of this, is there?

Lucy: Nope.

Mina: I’ll get my suitcase.

Lucy: Yes!

Mina: Goodbye listeners, if you don’t hear from me again, I’m probably being held hostage by one of Lucy’s quaint exes.

[Lucy laughs as the credits music begins to play.]

Credits: Murray Mysteries is a Knoves Storytelling production. This episode was written and produced by May Toudic and featured Drew Victorie as Mina Murray and Megan John as Lucy Westerna. Original music by Sophie Kay. Thank you for listening.

[adultswim2021]

Cowboy Bebop #23: “Brain Scratch” | April 3, 1999 | S01E23 Adult Swim premiere: November 12, 2001 - 12:30AM 

Okay, so way back when Adult Swim started I immediately turned my back on Cowboy Bebop for being anime and especially for not being 4 more repeats of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. So I didn’t really on-purpose watch it at all. But the closest I got after turning the first episode off after five minutes was when I watched the last stretch of this episode, context-free. I saw an old man’s face on a bunch of TV screens smugly saying things like (insulting, slightly gayer mimic) “do you know why man believes in god? (long pause) because he wants to.” or “god didn't create humans... it is humans that created god!” while ominous music played. “You see TV has become the new religion” SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU PRETENTIOUS FUCKING ANIME BULLSHIT. 

It’d liken it to the time when I was under the influence of a COOL ADULT I knew who said All in the Family was lame and preachy and completely overrated. I sampled a single episode on TVLand and it was exactly those things, with an overly simplistic MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS message that was constantly punctuated with Rob Reiner furrowing his brow thoughtfully at Archie being too STUPID and CONSERVATIVE to understand it all. I drew this comic about it:

Later I downloaded all of All in the Family in MP3 form and listened to them instead of podcasts and you wanna know what? I fucking LOVED IT and thought the show was brilliant and hilarious, all because I didn’t have to look at Rob Reiner scowling. My point is my impression of anime was that it would be exactly as pretentious as this episode is. I happened to catch the one single scene from the show that would reinforce those ideas THE MOST. 

Well, I appreciate this show more now. This episode is fine, I guess. I do still think it’s pretentious. I think there was an episode of Duckman that was more insightful than this that had the same message. TV controls people, they worship it like a religion. Sure. But it’s also cheap hedonistic fun, and what am I gonna do? NOT WATCH IT? Hell, I have TWO TVS going right now as I speak. One is a B&W dailies monitor I bought at a yard sale for 5 dollars. I had to buy an RCA adapter that was 6 dollars to hook up a VCR to it and now I play random tapes on it. I just think it’s cool looking. Sorry, I just realized I haven’t used my tumblr to brag about my B&W monitor yet. I could sell it on eBay for $50 bucks, easy, but I’m not gonna. What was I talking about 

This one is about a guy who is selling a religion where you can allegedly upload your soul into a computer or something, and live digitally. 1000s have seemingly committed suicide for this process. BUT COULD IT BE REAL? And why is the head of this religion unreachable? He appears on TV to hawk his cult on a daily basis. It turns out he’s using the brainwaves of a comatose guy, basically using him like a battery and he’s just a max headroom on a screen. I think. Then he says pretentious stuff to Spike while they kill him. Obvious reference I didn’t realize until this very moment: Heaven’s Gate. That guy. Remember that shit? I do, because I was just becoming an extremely online guy at the time and I remember that being maybe one of the most famous websites out there. I remember the official Monty Python website redesigned their site to parody it, and thinking it was so funny. I recall going to the actual site out of morbid curiosity and my mother freaked out and thought I was going to become a cult member, and I remember feeling like insanely insulted by that and getting into a big fight with her. I don’t even believe in Christian god, you idiot!!!

I like the first act, where they are flipping through TV channels and stuff. All this stuff is strong. But I still think this episode is a little lame and goofy, the same way I did when I stumbled on it in 2001 and s’d my damn h. At it. But, it didn’t piss me off, and that’s worth something. 

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

PENUMBRA LIVE

I just got home from seeing Juno Steel and the Train From Nowhere Live, and I have SO MANY EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS AND THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS 

so full reaction under the cut. Obviously, massive spoilers for the live show, so don’t read if you plan on buying the recording and want to experience it for the first time that way. 

Something you guys should know: AS I WROTE THIS, Alice Chuang (whom I met at the show) DM’ed me on Twitter and we have been chatting back and forth for a while now, I am LITERALLY TEXTING ALICE CHUANG AS I WRITE THIS. 

Okay. Holy cow. First of all, the obvious: the show was amazing, the actors were all crazy talented, the energy of the crowd was great, I had a fantastic time and am so happy I went. The music, sound, and lights were really cool, minimalist, but conveyed the show tone beautifully. 

And THE COSTUMES!! Not sure who picked them, but they were perfect. Joshua had the same trench coat/white shirt/jeans combo from the last liveshow, but for Dahlia Rose he wore a lacy white blazer that also had pink flowers on it. It looked very good on him and his face when Juno says “You bought me clothes?!” was hysterical. Engstrom and Valencia were elegant and totally creepy. M Sutherland had a red and grey suit and waistcoat; he also had eye makeup but it was a little more subtle. Valencia was in a gorgeous shiny red dress and lounge singer black gloves up to her elbows. Those were all cool, but nothing is EVER gonna top Noah’s Nureyev outfit, which was a pair of black pants, white shirt, black tie, and a black and white striped corset with the tie tucked into it. You may be thinking, “oh, HG, that just sounds like a waistcoat” nope!!!! It was like actually a corset! He also had killer eyeliner. For most of the show he wore a black blazer, but as Duke Rose he wore this crazy glittery golden blazer covered in sequins. It was gaudy and he rocked it, it suited Duke so perfectly! 

Those four made up the main cast, but there were two other actors - first of all, Kate Jones, obviously, as Miasma. She had ghostly white makeup and covered her face and head with a white shawl. That, plus the fact that the lights turned red whenever she stepped on stage, made the perfect creepy vibe. She had a lot more lines in this than the original - Juno would refer to her voice in his head a lot, and every time, she came out and said something creepy. She was on a little raised stage behind the rest of the cast so she was glaring down at him and it was just asdggkfj;fldj a it was so cool. 

Then there was another cast member I totally did not anticipate - Melissa DeJesus (Quanyii) played the Ruby7! She also worked props, so when Juno was talking about Nureyev’s coat, she held it up, when the bell rang during the card game she rang it, and she also played Miasma’s assistant pointing the gun at Nureyev (it was a cardboard rifle, they also used it when Juno had to shoot out of the car). For the Ruby7 she held a steering wheel and stood in front of Joshua and Noah making the car noises into a microphone or with a whistle. Also she had a necklace shaped like a license place that said “Ruby7″. It was such a cute way to show the car, which some of you may remember was something I was speculating wildly about when I first bought the ticket. Every time Nureyev mentioned how great the Ruby7 was she would vamp and at one point she blew him a kiss and he blew one back it was so adorable.

i’ve been typing for a half hour and I haven’t even gotten into the actual show yet

Before the show even started, there was amazing energy. I bought two posters from Kat Buckingham, who was working the merch stand, found a great seat, chatted with the people sitting near me, and just felt the excitement. There were so many amazing costumes, and like a third of people were wearing ear cuffs with chains in honor of Peter (I was among this number). Kevin Vibert made some announcements about emergency exits and whatnot, and then the lights dimmed. There were two curtains on opposite sides of the performance area, Joshua and Noah FLIPPED OPEN the curtains on different sides and just did this power walk to the mics in the middle while all of us audience members screamed and cheered for a solid minute, it was glorious. 

Almost immediately I noticed a change to the script - they added a subplot about an additional Martian artifact Miasma had stolen, called the Key of something I don’t know how to spell, which apparently locks away any concept, like locking away sound around a person (this was revisited during the assassin bit). When Nureyev mentioned the key Juno said something like, “Wait, I don’t think that’s how this is supposed to happen” which was a cute way to acknowledge the changes they were making. Then he started mentioning some Season 2 stuff (”I dreamed I only had one -” “We all  only have one life, detective!”) and Nureyev cut him off and then launched into a recap of the events of 2Murderous2Mask. He brought up audience members to reenact it, and it was really funny and I loved it a lot. 

One of my favorite changes was that a couple of times when Juno was internally monologuing, Nureyev would be there too. At one point Juno acknowledged it like, “I do this thing where I just talk, and usually it’s just me.” Nureyev was really energetic, Noah got super into those parts and would take the mic down from the stand and be gesturing and hopping around while Juno watched. They also went into a lot more detail about the Throne of Arkuthusis (I probably spelled that wrong) and Samantha Carthwright (now called Sammy), who was played by an audience member. Juno explained that anyone who sat in the chair could have infinite knowledge and people would ask them questions. Nureyev then asked the audience member a bunch of questions in different accents which A.) was really funny B.) was crazy because apparently Noah can do an insane range of accents C.) cute because Juno just let him do it for a while before cutting him off. It had a very “petulant married life” vibe when Nureyev shared Juno’s monologues, and I’m not sure if it was supposed to be some significant commentary that Nureyev was “in Juno’s head” or just fun staging. Either way, I loved it. 

For the card game, there were a few changes. Engstrom asked Juno if he knew how to play Rangian Street Poker and Nureyev-as-Duke said “Don’t say no!” through his teeth right as Juno said “nope.” and then an explanation followed. After a while Juno lost track and got annoyed and before Engstrom could get mad back or explain the whole thing again Nureyev-as-Duke covered Juno’s mouth with his hand and then when he pulled his hand away he fucking caressed Juno’s cheek with his knuckles while Juno glared at him and the audience went feral. 

Hey by the way Noah Simes? Is just fucking incredible like his mannerisms as Duke were so over-the-top but amazing, when he reverted back to Nureyev there was an IMMEDIATE shift just in the way he talked and the way he stood, like with Duke everything was all exaggerated and he drew out all the “you’s” (So in the phone call he basically went “See youuu SooooOOOOnN!!! :D”) but then for Nureyev he was a lot more reserved, and he had this smug little half smirk for most of it. Just like, what does it feel like to be that talented, wish I could relate. 

They didn’t actually play cards, but Noah did rip a piece of paper to be the dueling wargoats card. Even so, the tension was strong and you could feel the suspense even if (like me) you knew exactly what was coming next. Also, I forgot to mention, there were a lot of sound effects! When Juno heard someone’s thoughts (he heard Valencia’s and Nureyev’s a few times) that would be a voiceover, the train noises were all played, gunshots, etc. The assassin wasn’t actually shown, but you could hear the voiceover for that as well. 

You’re all probably wondering: THE DOODLES. They were actual crumpled balls of paper that Juno pulled out of Nureyev’s coat; later when they were back in the hotel room, Nureyev took off his jacket and said he was going to bed (Noah just kinda stood there with his eyes closed) and Juno threw one of the notes at his head and literally went “Nyeh” as he threw it. We all laughed for quite a while. 

Jupeter jumping through garbage chutes was great, Noah sort of pushed Joshua and then they pantomimed jumping down - but apparently I’m supposed to believe that Peter backflipped into the garbage chute, from the way Noah gestured, and I’m HERE FOR THAT, he’s just that much of an extra bitch. (Nureyev was very much an extra bitch throughout this entire show, as you know if you have ever listened to The Penumbra Podcast).

The whole getaway chase was awesome. Not sure if I mentioned this yet, but they had one mic that could be taken away from the stand and walked around, which is how they did the phone calls, the person on the other end of the line would stand off to the side with the wireless mic and perform like that. Once Juno, Nureyev, Valencia, and Engstrom got on the train they did all of those lines, but a nice new addition to the script was Valencia threatened Juno with a gun and Nureyev pushed Juno slightly behind him with a hand on his chest (actually I can’t remember if this scene happened here or in the casino, suffice it to say it happened and it was gay and wonderful) and said basically “if you even so much as warm his skin” and followed that up with a threat, I forget exactly what. Then when Nureyev pumped the brakes of the train he grabbed Juno and pulled him to one side, and Valencia and Engstrom’s actors left. 

For the tight room they ducked into to hide, Noah and Joshua sort of pressed together back to back and tilted the mic stands so they were still able to talk into the mic. There was a great line where Juno said something like, “Is there a reason why you keep shoving us into tight spaces together?” and then they got out and Noah took the wireless mic and went up to one of the curtains on the side of the stage, then he sort of fell through with a shout and Juno was locked in the room with Valencia. She took the other wireless mic and circled him, which was soooo creepy and really cool, especially with the moody lighting they had over the whole scene. When Juno pretended to faint Joshua just like,,,, threw up his arms and dropped to the floor in the most dramatic swoon possible it was great, and when Valencia died she fell through the curtain on the side of the stage and someone caught her. 

The showdown with Engstrom was tense and great. M Sutherland has a great presence and because he’s really fucking tall he seemed very menacing next to Jupeter (especially earlier when they were in their crazy suits and he was just all polished). With his suit and beard and eyeliner he sort of looked like a younger president Snow ala The Hunger Games, perfect villain vibes. Nureyev did the whole pin-him-by-the-arms thing as Juno described it in his monologue and oh god Noah did the most PERFECT fox smile throughout the whole thing, but what’s weird is I can’t actually remember how Engstrom’s death went?? I assume he fell through the curtain but I just,,, genuinely can’t remember?

Right after that they seemed to have a technical issue with the train sound effects so Joshua and Noah adlibbed it for a few seconds, then it started working again and they grabbed each other’s arms and did the whole jump-off-the-train thing. When Juno asked where the Ruby7 was, Melissa DeJesus came out with her arms tied in ropes, I guess to show the car had been captured and then BOOM KATE JONES AS MIASMA. She’s so scary and intimidating, and her voice sounds even cooler live than on the show. 

Then!!! The gun is pointed at Nureyev!!! and oh god Noah’s face in this scene first he looked a little panicked, but then resigned, and the lights went BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH from regular to Juno’s monologue, and this super scary layered clip of Miasma saying “I will have what I want” played and oh god it was just so totally incredible and I loved it and by that point I was aware the show was about to end but I never wanted it to, I wanted to sit there and watch this forever, and I knew I couldn’t which made me a little sad. 

and oh wow wow wow...

then we got to the part where they got in the car, and Juno had his monologue, and Nureyev was watching him for the whole thing with the sweetest loving smile on his face, and then he told Juno not to give up on him yet and then Noah and Joshua reached into the space between the microphones and took each other’s hands, so they were holding hands and the crowd went WILD. Obviously this episode didn’t have a kiss, but the ROMANCE of that moment was just PEAK it was so freaking phenomenal, and when Miasma said the whole “There it is, your final resting place,” they didn’t even look at it, for a while they were just looking at each other for a few long seconds, and then they both turned to look at the tomb and they just stood there holding hands looking ahead all resigned and determined, and then the lights went down and it was over. 

(the cutest thing about the whole hand holding though was Noah kept glancing over like either he was trying to show Peter’s intense desire to hold Juno’s hand or else he wasn’t sure when he was supposed to grab Joshua’s hand and he was trying to make sure they did it at the same time. Either way it was sweet and looked really good.) 

They did the curtain call, I screamed so loudly for each actor, and then anyone who wanted to meet the cast went and lined up in the hallway outside the theater. The staircase by this hallway was also the staircase into the bar, so all the bar and restaurant, so all the restaurant patrons were very baffled to see the Penumbra-goers in our cosplays, (and me wearing the pride flag around my shoulders.) While I waited to meet with the cast I got to chat with Kat Buckingham! I also talked to her when I bought merch, and I told her I thought she was talented - she said “I bet YOU’RE really talented!” and I almost cried, then she told me I was free to DM her, also encouraged me when I told her about my podcast, and was all around just the sweetest. 

The cast were at a table, sort of like a convention, and we just went down the line and got our stuff signed. I got to talk to all of the actors and they were SO! VERY! SWEET! I hadn’t thought at all about what I was gonna say, so I just kind of mentioned whatever. I told Noah that I write Jupeter fanfiction and said, “So that means I have your voice in my head a lot”, and he said like “That’s... somewhat unusual to hear, as I’m sure you can imagine.” I told him he was really talented and he signed my poster and was very friendly, thanked me for coming even though literally I was thanking him because HOLY FUCK HE WAS SO AMAZING. Also, Kate Jones asked me what my shirt said (it said “I am too emotionally attached to fictional characters” and thought that was cool. 

I told Joshua, Sophie, and Kevin that this podcast inspired me to start my own podcast, and they were so incredibly encouraging and supportive about that! Joshua asked if I had fun (as if I could have not had fun!) and thanked me for coming - like both of these amazingly talented stars of this hit show are thanking me for coming to see them, that’s so humble and kind and ugh I just stan this cast so much. @rudzik-art made some amazing artwork, which I turned into prints to give to Sophie and Kevin, and they really loved it! Sophie even signed both my poster and the one I got for Robin, even though their rule said only one item per person. Then they both thanked me for coming, and I headed out to catch my train home.

Overall, this show was phenomenal. There was only one thing in the whole production that I disliked: they took out the “It’s not polite to tell someone his gift means nothing to you” line, and I’m not really sure why, because that line forms a lot about the characters? But artists’ choice, of course. Personally, I would have loved to see it, but the pacing was just as good without it. 

I’ve been looking forward to this for so long, and now that’s it’s over I’m experiencing some pretty strong post-show depression, not gonna lie. I just want to come back and see it again every night for the rest of my life, even though that would not be good for the cast. I want to go out and make art and share my work and maybe someday inspire someone anywhere near as much as this inspired me. 

TL;DR THE LIVE SHOW WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE. 

If you weren’t able to make it to either live show and you have some questions about it, feel free to send them to my inbox!

[mattsammonsez]

Hockey’s Voice

Sometimes you meet people who embody everything you believe makes a good person. Mike “Doc” Emrick is one of those people, and I enjoyed the few times we interacted in the past 13 years.

Mike “Doc” Emrick in his second home. 

When you work in sports broadcasting, your path crosses with the paths of a lot of prominent people, including athletes, coaches, and executives. It’s all part of the job, and admittedly one of the many perks that comes with the territory. While it’s fun to cross paths with these people, there are a select few where you feel blessed that your paths crossed. Mike “Doc” Emrick is one of those people, and you always felt like you knew him and he knew you all your life even if your real life interaction was only 5 minutes. With the announcement from Emrick earlier this week that he is retiring from calling NHL games, I wanted to share a few stories about the times my path fortunately and blessedly crossed with Doc’s.

Like many people my age, we got to know Doc on a regular basis on national television. For me, it was his weekly appearances on the NHL on Fox game of the week in the mid 90’s, as well as numerous New Jersey Devils highlights earlier in the decade as that team was building into a dominant team. In 2005, Doc became the primary voice on the NHL on OLN broadcasts (later Versus, then NBC Sports Network). In 2006, I became the pregame host of Tampa Bay Lightning radio broadcasts, and as I started to settle into my role that season I started gaining new job duties. One of those duties was to pull together guest interviews for our weekly radio show Lightning Hockey Night. In the 2007 playoffs, the Lightning drew the Devils in the first round, and thus my first interaction with Doc would happen as I was trying to get a guest for the program.

We weren’t looking to get Doc on the show as a live guest, but with Doc at the time still calling Devils games I figured he’d be the perfect guest for the show as he was a well-known voice and face even to hockey fans in Florida. Before the morning skate of game 4 with the Lightning up 2-1 in the series, I introduced myself to Doc and asked him if I could get him for just a few minutes to talk about the series. He said he could, and we continued with our usual morning skate routine for the next couple of hours. I hung around the rink until the Devils were done with their skate, and after the locker rooms were closed to the media I approached Doc again to see if he was still able to do a quick interview. This was close to 1 p.m., and with a game starting at 7 or 7:30 that night Doc had plenty of prep to do. Plus his color analyst, the humorous Glenn “Chico” Resch was hungry and wanted lunch. Yet when I politely asked, Doc without hesitation obliged and we sat down in the stands for a few minutes to discuss the series. It was such a special moment, and such a fun interview, I’ve saved it 13 years and counting.

Emrick yucking it up as Jim Carr, the carpet-coiffed play-by-play announcer for the Johnstown Jets in the cult classic film Slap Shot, at Hockeyville USA, 2015.

Fast forward to September 2015. I’m now the Director of Broadcasting & Programming for the Lightning, and I’m on the team plane to Johnstown, Pennsylvania, as the Lightning and Penguins will be squaring off in the first Kraft Hockeyville USA preseason game. Game day was hectic, as the NHL and NBC rolled out the red carpet not only for both teams but for as much Slap Shot as possible since Johnstown was the location of the film shoot 40 years earlier. Along with being that night’s radio engineer for our broadcast, my mission was to pull together as many interviews as possible for a podcast on the event. Knowing the legendary Hanson Brothers would be there, I targeted an interview with them which I was able to score. 

The Cambria County War Memorial Arena was opened in 1950, when comforts such as being able to stretch your legs were not baked into many civic building blueprints. In a tiny locker room I waited for the Hansons to come in, and I did so next to Doc who agreed to also do an interview with me once I was done with the Hansons. The Hansons came in, and not only played the part of their characters well for my interview, but they too were incredibly friendly and great to talk to. While the interview went on, there was that brief fleeting moment in my head; “I’m interviewing three of the greatest hockey movie characters while one of the greatest hockey announcers is sitting in the background watching this.” Quite the moment to say the least. After my conversation with the Hansons, I sat down with Doc to talk to him about what the game meant to him, a former college teacher and newspaper writer in Western Pennsylvania 45 years earlier. You could sense in Doc’s eyes and voice this Hockeyville experience in his old backyard with all the Slap Shot fun and frivolity mixed in was quite the moment for him. The Hanson Brothers and Doc interviews were the cornerstone of my podcast, and all these years later it’s still one of my favorite podcasts of more than 100 I did.

Emrick could make any broadcast better, including a Morning Skate Show in desperate need of some good news in 2018.

Fast forward to May 2018. We’re not in the preseason, we’re in the thick of the postseason, and the Lightning are about to battle the Washington Capitals in the Eastern Conference Final. Prior to game one at the morning skate, Doc and I are two of seemingly 200 people gathering around Alex Ovechkin for pregame interviews. We looked on from a distance, laughing more at the spectacle then actually listening to anything Ovechkin was saying. When the scrum was done, I casually asked Doc if we could have him as a guest on our streaming video program The Morning Skate Show when the series shifted to Washington D.C. for game 3. Doc said he wanted to, we just needed to route the request through NBC public relations, which is always a coin flip on if your wish gets granted. Thankfully for us, it was.

Never before did we need a personality like Doc Emrick like we did then. The Caps humiliated the Lightning for two easy wins in Tampa before the series went to our nation’s capital. In planning for the show, we decided to talk as little as possible about the first two games, and simply turn the show into the Doc Emrick talent show. For almost 45 minutes, Doc talked about everything from the NHL playoffs to memories of AHL games in Halifax 40 years ago when birds in the rafters of the old Halifax Forum pooped on the ice during games. At the end of the show he very quietly but confidently reminded our viewers that if any team was able to get out of 0-2 hole to the Caps, it was the Lightning. It was the reassurance and the fun story telling we all needed, and low and behold the Lightning rallied for three-straight wins before the Caps pulled it together and won the series in seven games on their way to their first Stanley Cup championship. As of 2019, it was still one of the most-watched episodes of the show.

Finally, fast forward to October 2019. Two months earlier, I was informed my position was being “eliminated” at the Lightning, but I refused to be eliminated from the scene. Newly hired to provide a weekly Metro Express podcast to the Philadelphia Flyers (and later the Capitals), I arrived at Amalie Arena for a morning skate prior to a Lightning and Penguins game that was being aired nationally on NBC that night. Once I found out Doc was on the call, I knew I needed to get him for a few minutes to talk Metropolitan Division hockey. I saw Doc sitting in the first couple of rows of seats when I arrived, and I quickly slipped in next to him and asked if I could get his thoughts real quickly. Doc was there to study lines and defensive pairings of both teams, and now at the age of 74 had to double-check all players and facts before putting on another flawless broadcast that night. I was very respectful of his time, and as always he was respectful enough to grant me a few minutes of his busy day.

While there were many similarities to that first interview with Doc in 2007, this time around technology would come back to bite me. Feeling satisfied my iPhone would work as a microphone just fine, I started the interview. Midway through Doc’s first answer, my phone started ringing, cutting off the voice memo app I was using. Thankfully I silenced my phone so it merely buzzed, but in my head I was cursing while Doc was talking. There was no way I was going to ask him to start over again, I was just going to have to eat the moment as I feverishly hung up on the call and pressed record on the voice memo again. While I did this without interrupting Doc’s thoughts, I still got a good 7-8 minutes from him and used it in that week’s show. It was special to connect with Doc again, and I was reminded even as a veteran hockey broadcaster at this time to never ever again do an important interview on my iPhone.

Doc’s retirement announcement didn’t come totally as a surprise to me. I figured with COVID-19 still a factor in our lives for at least the next year or two, the last place a 75-year-old cancer survivor needs to be is in a pressurized airplane cabin or travelling from one cold city to another in the winter. And even though Doc is a pro’s pro, it’s extremely difficult to call a game from a television screen. Whoever is named his successor at NBC has some very big shoes to fill. 

As for me, my career has moved forward from my exit with the Lightning, and while potentially great things await I don’t know if I’ll be able to cover a daily beat in an NHL arena anytime soon. That’s perfectly fine with me, as I’m always looking for a new challenge and can’t wait to see what is ahead for me and my family. That also adds even more emotional value to the times my path crossed with Doc’s path. Hockey fans have been blessed to have him as a prime voice for decades, and I was blessed to interact with him several times in my career. A visit from this doctor was always welcome in the homes and hearts of hockey fans.