#was one of their (the winchesters') really early hunts in like s1

[zmediaoutlet]

spn20rewatch, 1.10: "Do we need to talk about this?"

Possession is the bread-and-butter of Supernatural. Whether it's demons or ghosts or just real bad vibes, seems like there's always something willing to creep into a host like rot and start in on cracking foundations. A favorite line is that demons, in particular, always lie unless they're telling the truth, and really it seems to be that the possessions in general trend toward: what would hurt most? What if it's a truth that could be excused as a lie, but at a deep level there's a truth there that can't ever be told because it would break everything apart?

Asylum is part of a critical episode run in season 1 that reveals tons of details about the Winchester family -- how they operate, the roles they have and what's expected of them, etc., but more importantly how they'll operate into the future. Sam and Dean are brothers and they love each other, but even with their immediate return to a kind of young bro-bantz partnership in the early episode of s1, they aren't truly partners yet in a way that will actually be functional through to the future. There are some old resentments here that haven't been exorcised; more importantly, there's some testing of the relationship that hasn't been done. It's one thing to settle back into your old patterns of boys yoked together and working for your dad -- it's another when that yoke is shattered, and you have to choose what to do about that. Bugs to Home to Asylum to Scarecrow to Faith will really test Sam and Dean and make them into the hunting partners they'll need to be in order to survive what'll come.

Unfortunately, Asylum is the nadir of that testing. Ellicot's insidious work inflates anger and makes people violent and turns things as dark as can be -- but, actually, we don't get any real indication that he makes people feel or say things they don't actually mean. They're just things that have been put away or smoothed over, because saying them would be too awful. Later, soulless!Sam will operate in a similar way to how "Asylum"!Sam operates now -- the filters over the worst hardest truths are just gone, and everyone in his path gets to take them at full force. Dean gets the brunt of it here, first with rock salt to the chest and then with much, much more painful words to follow. He's under no illusions that Sam doesn't mean what he's saying, as we can tell from how flatly he takes Sam's non-apology at the end of the episode. He knows Sam doesn't respect him for being "daddy's good little soldier," and we see from other examples (notably in s3) that Dean doesn't even respect himself for that -- why would Sam feel any differently. It hurts either way, though, especially when we think of a line of dialogue from much, much later -- I thought you'd tell me to get lost, or get dead.

SAM: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you. DEAN: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me? [...] SAM pulls the trigger.

Always a delight to have your worst fears be realized. But it's the kind of thing that's needed, structurally, so that when a break happens the bone can be reset cleanly and heal up strong -- which they'll get, eventually. It's just not very much fun, in the meantime.

[sorrysamgirls]

Supernatural themed ask/tag game

tagged by @bloodydeanwinchester <3 !! thank you for thinking of me ily

Favourite Character(s): sam *insert clown honk* particularly early seasons and occasionally against my will. but samgirlism isn’t a choice! Being a samgirl is just something that happens to you! but ALSO dean and cas and rowena and charlie and eileen and crowley and MARY my absolute beloved and jo and. i have to stop at some point

Favourite moment/episode/season(s): i am a kripke era stan down to my core :/ top 3 seasons in no particular order are s2, s4 and s5. But! s10 and s12-14 have some of my favorites eps of all time

Favourite storyline(s): yellow eyes and the special children. s3 dean my pathetic sad little bean. OG apocalypse circa s4/5. the whole sam interrupted arc :( human!cas which we should’ve had for waaay longer. destiel divorce/widower arcs. mary figuring out how to be a living person again while also being the mother of two fully grown adults that are sometimes crybabies. rowena going from formidable enemy to devoted ally. witch!sam!!!!!

Favourite quote(s): ooohhh there are so many.

“If you know evil’s out there, how can you not believe good’s out there too?”

”I think the world’s gonna end bloody. But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight. We do have choices. I choose to go down swingin’.”

”I’m hunted. I rebelled, and I did it—all of it—for you.”

”It’s the end, baby! That’s what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?”

”Sometimes life is unfair, and sometimes we lose things. And sometimes we make mistakes. And some of these things can never be fixed, no matter how powerful you become. Some things just are, and everyone has to live with that.”

Favourite monster/enemy/big bad(s): s3/4 lilith, raphael, s5 lucifer, crowley and rowena Before they end up falling in love with the winchester bros. billie! + i always thought shifters were really interesting monsters that didn’t get enough screen time

Favourite ship(s): diagnosed with terminal destiel at the age of 13. beyond that i absolutely adore saileen and samwena and dabble in the rare moc era drowley. but it always comes back to destiel.

When did you start watching? What got you into it?: i started watching in like 2012/2013 after my best friend at the time introduced me to it. then i lurked on spnblr for a bit, read a lottt of destiel fic, and kinda forgot it existed (not rly that’s impossible but i stopped watching after s9) before picking it back up in november of last year (guess why!) and doing a full rewatch s1-15. so this sideblog is actually only a few months old <3

How many times have you seen spn?: all the way through? technically only once bc i will never ever everrrr touch that finale again with a ten-foot pole. s1-5 probably close to a half dozen times. s10-14 maybe two times. s6-9 i only rewatch on an episode by episode basis lol

What do you like most about the fandom?: all of the different fan creations tbh. the fics, the amvs, the art pieces! it’s all so SO extraordinary and i love it. also spnblr is one of the funniest corners of the internet I’ve ever found myself in so there’s that

no pressure tags: @4c-aperture @gotitmadeintheshade @lavenderleahy @superhellstiel @queerdeans @bluehandprint @roublardise + whoever else wants to do it!

[hello-starlingfics]

Thanks to @catnipster69 for the tag!

what song describes samdean the most?

Their relationship has so many different stages that it’s hard for me to pick one single song. Bob Dylan’s Highway 61 Revisited is all early seasons atmosphere for me though, if I’m going to pick something.

if spn was set in europe, what country would the Winchesters be from? What language/languages would they speak?

This is difficult because they are so rooted in a particular American experience. I’d like to go for Poland and give them some of that The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt atmosphere and mythology.

if they didn’t have the impala, what car would they drive?

I am not a car person; maybe a practical kind of car like John’s in S1. The fact it’s the Impala is so essential to the early season feel and aesthetic I can’t imagine it being anything other than it.

is there a project you’re working on currently? Do you have a line or sketch from it to share?

I’m working on something for @spnproshipbang but I can’t share any of that sadly! I do have a few other things in various stages; here’s a random snippet of a random thing:

People liked to focus on the antiseptic. It helped them sleep better at night, Dean guessed, when they could pretend death was just like falling asleep, neat and clean, while hospital staff hid the stains on the sheets and soothingly whispered ‘it was very peaceful’.

Part of the price people like Dean paid to keep them safe from knowing the truth. Because of him, and Sam, and their dad, these nice suburban people with their nice suburban homes and minivans could pretend that death wasn’t screaming and pain, with your guts torn out in front of you.

what’s the first fanfic for supernatural you’ve written? Did you publish it? Or if you don't write: what's the first fanfic you remember reading?

I fixated on Dean and experimented with Destiel as my first fics! I’ve put a few of those on anon for various reasons, mainly ‘I hadn’t written anything in about fifteen years until last year and they are a bit rough around the edges’. My first Wincest fic is here.

is there another codependent/emeshed duo from a different fandom you enjoy? Are there parallels to Sam and Dean?

I’m a one ship hyperfixation type, though I am considering writing some Walkercest!

what type of wincest dynamic do you currently enjoy most? (sexual, platonic, dark, fluffy, early seasons, etc.)

Oh that is tough! I don’t like it too fluffy, because it isn’t really them. I tend to gravitate to earlier seasons because the whole feel of constant grime and claustrophobic ‘it really is just us’ is so compelling. Sexual, platonic, sexual but it’s more because we’re confused and lonely, all these are good.

Who to tag late? @gayasfspn @pranzill @lovetransaction and anyone else who fancies it and hasn’t done it.

Happy Wincest Wednesday! I have a few questions for people to answer. Feel free to answer them all or just one (or none at all) even if you’re not tagged!

what song describes samdean the most?

if spn was set in europe, what country would the Winchesters be from? What language/languages would they speak?

if they didn’t have the impala, what car would they drive?

is there a project you’re working on currently? Do you have a line or sketch from it to share?

what’s the first fanfic for supernatural you’ve written? Did you publish it? Or if you don't write: what's the first fanfic you remember reading?

is there another codependent/emeshed duo from a different fandom you enjoy? Are there parallels to Sam and Dean?

what type of wincest dynamic do you currently enjoy most? (sexual, platonic, dark, fluffy, early seasons, etc.)

@luminescent-chorus @applecrumbledore @digitalmeowmix @baronsamediswife @fandom-hoarder @lorehouse @ruinedsam @fungal-waste @youchoseeachother @s2e11playthingsyuri(did you get sniped by staff again??)

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[aceofwhump]

Do you have any Dean Winchester fic recommendations?

Oh man it's been a while since I've read Dean whump but yeah I've got a few for you. Note: these are all early seasons because I stopped watching the show some time around like season 9.

Also if anyone wants to add their favorites please do so!!! I love new fics to read

Hanging on By a Thread by neonchica: When Dean loses his leg in a terrible hunting accident the brother's are forced to reevaluate their priorities. Can Dean still hunt? And is it really still worth the risk?

Freezer by Tiro: How the hell did he end up in a freezer? Last thing Dean remembered, he had been fighting a freaking normal ghost… somewhere in S1. No pairings.

Whatever You Do, Don't Panic by Taboo-Hearts: Not many things make Dean Winchester panic, but there's always one thing that gets him. Just an excuse for some Angsty!Dean. Hurt!Dean

Panic by liamarehorselover: Dean has a panic attack. Standard disclaimers apply. Reviews welcome.

Wish You Were Here by HappyChaos3D: A supernatural wound causes Dean to have vivid flashbacks of Hell, and it seems trying to treat it is only making it worse. And Sam, he doesn't know what to do anymore.

Take Care What You Ask of Me, 'Cause I Can't Say No by dreamlitnight: Warning: There might be a slight reference to season four and onward, very slight, but be careful. Sam wants a vacation and to maybe settle down, Dean wants to give it to him, but it might not be possible. PTSD!Dean, Sick!Dean and Comforting!Sam.

Mirror, Water, Glass by ainokitsune: A follow-up to "A Hole in the World." AU for season 4, features post-hell, severely traumatized Dean, and Sam struggling to cope. Spoilers for 4.9 & 4.10. Suggestions of het Dean/Anna and Sam/Ruby but nothing shown.

Zero by ainokitsune: Dean, frenzy. A follow-up to two AU post-Hell traumatized!Dean fics, listed within. Warning for self-harm.

What He Doesn't Know by angelthefish: LJ sickdean Hurt/Comfort Meme request: Post-hell!Dean suffers from night terrors.

Delirium by Tifaching: Dean's fever dreams are trying to kill him. Literally. Disturbing imagery. Brief Alastair/Dean non-con.

The Illusionist by Haunted Obsidian: AUish. John doesn't exactly cope well after Sam leaves for Stanford, leaving Dean to pick up the pieces. Abusive!John in later chapters, and Deaf!Dean.

The Illusionist Part II by Haunted Obsidian: Dean's doing his best to take care of his little brother, all the while forgetting to take care of himself as they search for their father and hunt things that go bump in the night. deaf!Dean, diabetic!Sam, ANGST, and abusive!John; also borderline ED!Dean

Soup and Chocolate by historylover: Dean's sick

I'll Catch You When I Fall by SupernaturalGeek: Tag to 'Phantom Traveller'. When the events on the plane finally catch up with Dean, will he allow Sam to be there for him?

Three Dark Days by Swellison: Missing Scenes from Faith, spoilers for Faith episode 12, season 1 . My explanation of what happened while Dean was in the hospital.

Sam's Faithklutzy by sunshine: Missing scene for Faith. Sam struggles to be strong for Dean on the way to Nebraska.

Splitting Open by Shivased: Dean gets a migraine that spins out of control. Just an excuse for some hurt!Dean, really.

[thegeminisage]

birthday meta for the birthday boy <3

[this version of the meta is behind a cut. if you’d prefer the no-cut version, it’s here.]

a fun little fanon from Ye Olde Days of spn (when seasons 1-5 were airing) was that sam always had the absolute worst birthdays. a big part of this is because sam’s birthday is in may. supernatural tends to align itself with “real time,” meaning that they like to use either the date the episode was filmed or the date it aired as the in-universe date, even when two canon dates conflict each other. (they’re so intent on doing this that they pretended the gap years between s5 & s6 and s7 & s8 right out of existence - season openers also usually tend to pick up right after season finales in-universe but still somehow be set several months later.) that means sam’s birthday tends to line up with the airdates on either season finales or episodes right before the finales, which means that every time sam gets a year old, shit hits the fan. 

here’s a list of things that did happen or could have happened on some of sam's birthdays:

0-22: we don’t have much in the way as far as concrete dates go for preseries stuff, but it’s perfectly possible sam walked out all that bullshit the day he turned 18, even if i prefer to think he left at age 19 as that aligns rather tragically with some adam-related canon.

23: we don’t have any dates for the end of s1/opening of s2 either, but it’s likely that sam’s birthday took place between 1.20 (dead man’s blood) and 2.01 (in my time of dying). he could have been doing anything from hunting vampires to saving one of YED’s special children to almost shooting his possessed father to getting hit by a semi to using a ouija board to talk to his not-quite-dead brother.

24: here’s where the real fun starts >:) sam died in cold oak in 2.21 (all breaks loose pt 1) and in the episode he says he’s 23. but according to the lore (extra-canonical material), dean made the deal to bring him back on his 24th birthday...

25: ...which means that on his 25th birthday, he was forced to watch dean get dragged to hell...

25b: ...except that sam had TWO 25th birthdays, because mystery spot took place in february, and sam lived in an alternate timeline where dean stayed dead for 6 months, putting him well past may 2nd. which meant that the first time he turned 25, he was actually getting tortured by gabriel. while his brother was getting tortured (or torturing someone else) in hell.

26: 4.20 (the rapture) took place in very late april/very early may (the wiki says may 3, but that’s just a guess), and 4.21 (when the levee breaks) picks up immediately where it left off. so it’s not only plausible but EXTREMELY LIKELY that sam was locked up in the panic room suffering withdrawals when he turned 26, dude

26b: ...except that in 11.17 (safe house), bobby and rufus’s half of the episode presumably takes place at the same time during season 4, and he mentions sam and dean are in reno?? so you know they could have been doing that instead.

27: we have no hard and fast dates for the end of season 5, but it’s my personal headcanon that sam’s birthday took place during 5.22 (swan song), and he beat the devil and leapt into hell on the day he turned 27 - because at this point, why not. however, his birthday could also have taken place during either 5.20 (the devil you know) or 5.21 (two minutes to midnight), meaning he was reconfronting his old college pal who turned out to be a demon brady, or helping bobby and a human cas destroy the factory with the croatoan virus.

28: there’s a gap year between s5 and s6, so sam’s 28th birthday took place while he was soulless, hunting with the campbell family...

28b: ...except spn likes to say “a year passed” without adding one to the calendar, so sam ALSO had a 28th birthday during the airing of s6. there’s some conflicting information about s6′s timeline, so this could have happened anywhere from 6.18 (frontierland) to 6.21 (let it bleed). sam could have been doing anything from time traveling to fighting eve to grappling with cas going dark side to rescuing lisa and ben.

29: sam’s 29th birthday almost definitely took place during 7.20 (the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo), during which he met charlie. in case you’ve forgotten, that was actually a great day for him - in a moment of true little brother antics and justifiable homophobia, he got to laugh at dean gay flirting with the security guard.

30: there was another gap year between s7 and s8, which means that sam spent the big three-oh with amelia richardson while dean and cas were in purgatory. he got to have a picnic!

30b: ...but since spn ignores gap years, sam ALSO had a 30th birthday during s8 (a big season for him). there isn’t an exact date for the episodes leading up to the finale, which takes place in late may, after sam’s birthday, so his birthday could have taken place in either 8.21 (the great escapist), where he nearly died of his trial-induced fever and confessed to dean that he always felt unclean, or during 8.22 (clip show), where he met sarah blake again after nearly a decade, only to have her die right in front of him.

31: the s9 timeline is pretty vague, but the best guess for this one is 9.18 (meta fiction), in which sam finally gets to confront gadreel, the angel who possessed him and killed kevin with his hands

32: the s10 timeline is also short on dates, so sam’s birthday could have taken place anywhere between 10.16 (paint it black) and 10.21 (dark dynasty). a few possible things sam could have been doing: dealing with a hunt involving soulless people, helping cas and bobby break metatron out of heaven’s prison, catching up with charlie and giving rowena the book of the damned, battling the cursed werther house (don’t click that unless you’ve seen the episode, the twist is TOO good), reuniting claire with her mom, or building charlie’s pyre.

33: the last quarter or so of s11 happens really quickly sequentially, every episode picking up soon after the last one left off, which means that sam’s birthday either took place at the very end of the season or the beginning of s12. it’s most likely he turned 33 either the day dean saved the sun and sam himself got shot and kidnapped by toni bevell, or a few days later when he was being held captive and tortured in her basement.

34: unfortunately, sam’s 34th birthday almost definitely took place during 12.21 (there’s something about mary). i was really hoping it’d be 12.22 so he could be kicking the bmol’s asses, learning lucifer was back, and hugging mary, but no...instead he was mostly likely learning that ketch had had eileen killed. 

35: because of some weird canon, the timeline for season 13 is actually batshit insane and makes no sense whatsoever, which means sam’s birthday is really early this season - either during 13.17 (the thing) where he rescues his brother from a frisky tentacle monster or 13.18 (bring ‘em back alive) where he hangs out with gabriel and cas in the bunker. since that’s garbage, you’d be forgiven for ignoring canon and pretending sam’s birthday fell on one of the following episodes - 13.19 (funeralia) is very touching, as he and rowena clash and then make up with each other; 13.21 (beat the devil) has sam capturing lucifer, then dying and getting revived and captured by him; 13.22 has sam getting a little revenge by leaving lucifer for dead; 13.23, of course, has lucifer finally dying for good.

36: there’s no dates whatsoever on the back half of s14, so theoretically sam’s birthday could take place in any episode after 14.13 (lebanon). the likeliest and COOLEST candidate is for sam to turn 36 during 14.20, in which he shoots god himself point blank. other admittedly inferior  scenarios include his stint as justin the 50s househusband, mary’s death, or putting jack in the ma’lak box.

37: we saw this birthday happen onscreen during 15.14 (last holiday) at a party thrown by mrs. butters. unfortunately, not too long after that, she wound up torturing him by pulling out his fingernails.

38: that’s this year! because the timeline of s15 is also so weird and vague, partially fucked up by covid changing the shooting/airing times, and because sam’s birthday is SO early in s15, it’s possible that he has another one this season, right at the end, or maybe post-canon, which means............................................

...................................................that he’s spending it with dean and jack and the newly revived eileen and cas, in the bunker or somewhere else he feels safe and loved :)

happy birthday, sam winchester <3 after all the unhappy ones...u deserve it

[spn masterpost]

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Transcript of End of the Road Special

Transcript of End of the Road Special. 

Please let me know if I made any errors in transcription. Twitter version Family Don’t End with Blood Transcription Winchester Mythology Transcription

Dabb: Ultimately, we came up with something that we're all very proud of Singer: You never know what the audience is going to like so we really tried to say "what would make us happy? Would we be satisfied with where we've taken them?"

The Carry On song was a guideline.

Singer: The myth of what these brothers were throughout 15 years... We didn't shy away from fatalism, but we wanted to be able to have it be kinda uplifting as well.

Dabb: If you're going to do something that feels like a complete arc, you have to kinda go back to the beginning of it (clips of them hunting vamps from s1 & 15.20) When it comes to Sam & Dean- it's all about getting back to, in some ways, these two guys on the road in this car.

Dabb: They've been doing this job for 15 years now. They've fought everyone from demons to vampires to God himself, but at the end of the day, they're still working guys, out there on the road & taking cases. We've tried to never lose sight of that.

Dabb: There are times when we've been wrapped up in our own mythology a little bit. We've always tried to get back to the basics, which are: these two guys, saving people, hunting things. 

Eugenie: I think we sort of knew generally what the ending would involve.

Eugenie: We might not have known the mechanics, but we sort of knew there would be a victorious, glorious sacrificial ending bc I think sacrifice is a big theme in the series.

For every great thing you do, a cost must be paid.

Singer: Andrew & I talked about it. We were in agreement pretty quickly... talked to the rest of the writing staff & let them know what we wanted to do and we were open to suggestions. And then we pretty much pitched it to Jared and Jensen.

Jensen talks about flying to LA. Jensen: So before we ever even started 15, we knew how the last portion of the story was going to go. We didn't know how we were going to get there, but we kinda knew the final- the finish line- we knew what... what that was going to look like.

Jared: I don't think there's ever been a season of SPN in 15 years where the way the writers thought the show would play out for that season- ended up being the way it played out And so we were aware of that. They told us here's what we're thinking, here's what happens to Castiel

Jared: In the finale, Dean dies & Sam lives on. And then we think they're going to meet up in heaven. 

I remember Jensen... just because I know him so well- he seemed to bristle a little bit.

Jensen: It was hard to hear then & it was hard to read now. Not because I didn't like it, not because I wished it had gone differently... I'm not adverse to it. I think it's a great ending. I'm proud to film it.

Singer: And we just aimed for that, you know, throughout the season. We knew where we were going.

Jensen: Reading it & knowing that... there's just a weight that is so much larger reading these scripts than I've ever experienced before. 

There's an emotional weight that these scripts are going to carry & these episodes are going to have that I don't think we've ever seen before.

Brad: [J2] were so young when all of this started. They brought to it such conviction & such commitment to the effort. 

That's one of the things that kept the show going for so many years... a show that was designed for very young guys, footloose & fancy free, & on the road…

Brad: To see these guys grow up b4 your eyes into- men, not boys any longer- was amazing. 

BABY Jared: Though the story does involve Sam & Dean chasing supernatural things, it really is a story about two brothers that love each other & ultimately will do anything for each other.

Jensen: There's really one person that gets it on the level that I get it, and that's Jared. Jared: I've never spent as much time with another human being as I have with Jensen Ackles. He will be my friend and brother forever. And I know that.

BABY Jensen: There's a lot of dynamics between the two brothers, there's a lot of history between them, there's a lot of banter between them... it's good stuff S15 Jensen: We had a partner in crime & we leaned on each other for, you know, for times when it was tough.

Jensen: But we also won together. We got to share the experience of success & the experience of getting picked up for another season. Watching these two characters go through what they're going through, when we're working 14 hours & it's 2-3 o’clock on a Sat morning and we're just now finishing filming out in the rain and mud and we gotta race to the airport to get on a plane because we've got a photoshoot in LA & we've gotta do on camera interviews and we gotta promote the show that we love so much that we were just in the mud & the rain filming hours before we're exhausted and it's like there's only one person that gets that right now. That gets how I feel and that's this guy standing next to me. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool to have somebody like that.

Brad: We knew it was going to be impossible to tie up every aspect of all of the cans of worms that we opened up. 

We did want to bring a proper ending to the guys, the guy's relationship.

Brad: Then of course we had this huge corner we painted ourselves into with the most powerful thing in the universe being the big bad of the season. We try and find a proper send off for Jack & for Cas. What to do w/ the boys & is that a together farewell or an individual?

It was just... lots of moving parts. 

Dabb: I give a lot of credit to Bobo who really was the one who started banging the drum early & often to ending the mythology in 19 and end the characters in 20.

Brad: You're battling God & battling God & you have this epic situation going on through the first 3/4 of the show & then what? You send off Dean in act 4? That just felt wrong. Eugenie: We had this obligation, it was really mandatory, that we tie up the mythic narrative and leave the final episode for the emotional resolution. I [was] more on the side of not wanting to best God. To have God change to be more like his creations. So there were philosophical arguments, but we always knew God's resolution was going to be a big ticket item.

Jensen: We'd started day 1 of the 2nd to last episode, 19. We were 1 day down on that episode & we were just about to start our 2nd day & we got the call that morning that we were not going to be coming in that day.

Jensen: So we figured ok, we'll figure out protocol, figure out what we need to do, & we'll just regroup, come back on Monday. As that day progressed, it was like- this looks like more of an apocalypse that is ascending upon us than just a bad cold.

They pulled the plug & they said everybody go home. 

Singer: Fortunately, we got assurance from both the studio & the network that one way or another we were gonna finish the series. That was comforting to us, but we didn't know when we were going to go back.

Eugenie: We didn't know what we were going back to... if this was the last time we would ever see the set. There was no plan. It was just get out of dodge. Dabb: When it first happened, we thought it would be a couple of weeks, maybe a month.

I had conversations w/WB where they expected everyone to be back shooting in June & then things got worse & pushed & pushed.

Eugenie: Slowly as we settled into that 4 or 5 month period, discussions were going on w/the studio, & the networks, & the actors. We knew there would be restrictions on what we were allowed to shoot, but finally, the mechanics were figured out. 

Singer: So they were ready to go pretty quickly, shooting in Van, where covid wasn't quite as virulent as it was [in LA].

Dabb: We were one of the first shows, one of the first WB shows to start back up. So in a way, we were kinda a guinea pig. But, in being that, I think everyone took it really seriously. We had 0 positive tests. Crew members weren't going out on the weekends.

They were like look, if I get sick, it hurts the whole show. That speaks to the family culture up there, where we've had so much of our crew for so long. Where J2 & Singer provide such great leadership.

Singer: When I was in prep for 20, I was basically in the office but couldn't go to the set. It was very odd for me not to be able to go to the set while I was in prep. 

Everybody just hung in there & did what they were supposed to do.

Brad: Then we were faced with the dilemma of having to rewrite a lot of the stuff bc of the pandemic bc of the limitations that we knew were going to come on the production.

Jensen: We were gearing up for, not only the end of that season, but the end of the series. There was a lot of big, big things written-packed- into those last two scripts.

Jared: At first, it was supposed to be a lot of our old cast from prior seasons in a Roadhouse with Kansas.

Everybody had already agreed. Kansas was going to be in Van. We were going to have dad there & mom there. Just probably 20 or 30 different actors & actresses who had been a part of the SPN's canon over the last 15 & a half years.

Jensen: It was scheduled to be the last day that we were going to film, so it was almost like rolling right into a nice wrap party on camera. 

Brad: The idea of flying a boatload of ppl up there to quarantine for 2 weeks so they could shoot for a day was making less & less sense.

Eugenie: How do we make this work? And while you're doing that, you also don't want to sacrifice the heart and soul of the project. 

So we came up with a reduced, much more intimate ending. It has been replaced by something equally magical & rewarding.

Singer: I felt an enormous responsibility in directing the finale of a show that's been on for 15 years. Andrew, when he saw the cut, he said some really nice things to me as to, you know, the way I handled the material.

Jensen: The scenes that were filmed on our last day on the sound stages were filled with the most emotion of the final episode. 

Singer: One of the really hard things was we're on another stage that wasn't the MoL stage & they started wrecking the MoL sets

They'd been working on this set and been apart of this- this family for just as long if not longer than the set's been around. I was like "it's really sad seeing this get taken down" and the other guy said, "I'm trying to hold back tears while I'm swinging this hammer."

Jared: As we start saying goodbye to characters, to locations, like it just seems like every day you would wake up and there would be some reason to cry. 

Misha: This is a show ultimately about love, & empathy, & caring, & I think that Castiel embodies that.

Misha: Half the crew was crying. It was really such a sweet, supporting environment to be in for the demise of a character that, of course, for me is really important. 

But it was so lovely to see that, you know, the folks that I'm- I'm working with were also there for Cas at that moment. 

Alex: To get to work with these caliber people & see your friends every day is really special & is not something that often happens in this business for this long. It's been definitely a topsy turvy last couple weeks here with us and the crew. 

Jared: Friday of the final full week was the big scene in the barn with the vampires where Dean suffers his fate. They did the first two days with the entire stunt team & the young boy actors. 

And then they cut it for Thursday night and they're like, okay, Friday, tomorrow, we’re starting the dialogue. Dean, you're on the post. Sam, you just cut off the last vampire's head.

That was the scene- that was where Supernatural was really encapsulated. 

Jensen: And then the next week we kind of had this- on the road encore get together filmmaking scenario that felt more like we made it & it was more pats on the back as opposed to tearful goodbyes. 

Dabb: In a weird way you can look at the 15 seasons is like Sam & Dean's emotional evolution. You know instead of therapy, they kill vampires, but other than that it's kind of the same & brings them both to a very good place. And a place where they can, as the song says, you know, lay their weary head to rest. 

This felt like the most honest & emotionally fulfilling episode for these characters to us. Jared: I got thinking about how Supernatural started & how the majority of times how I thought it should end. It started with Sam & Dean Winchester. I think it's proper that it ended with Sam & Dean Winchester together again. 

Jensen: When the cameras stop rolling & Bob yelled, “Cut!” and Bob yelled, “That’s a series wrap on Supernatural.” There was- a there was a loud cheer that echoed through that canyon we were filming in. I will- I will happily say that there were hugs that happened and that needed to happen. Those are people that I spent not just years with, but so much time with- it's like brothers in arms and so to put it to bed the way that we did felt really good and then felt good to hug some people, I'll tell you that much. Singer: I thanked everyone, but I wanted to really thank people who had been with us from the beginning and as I looked around, there were so many people who had been there from the beginning.

We really were a family. I always say about this show is one of the reasons that it was a success and is that it was not only about the Winchester family, but it was about the Supernatural family. 

Jared: So now that's all said and done, I guess I can look back at it and just be proud that I helped this show carry on and I'm really proud of the blood, sweat, and tears that I put in, and I feel like- I feel like that sacrifice was also maybe one of the things I learned from Sam, you know? Sam had to sacrifice a lot. So, I'm honored and flattered and grateful that I got to be a part of that journey.

Dabb: You're never going to have another show like this. You're never gonna have another experience like this. For a lot of different reasons, from how long it ran, from the family that the show became, from the amazing fans that we have. [Footage of us] From the emotional investment people can put in over 15 years of their lives. 

Some started watching this when they were in high school, when they were 15, they're 30 now, they might have kids. That's their- that's like half their life. They've been with this show. You're not gonna have that again. Shows just aren’t gonna run this long, especially genre shows, but I don't know that I'm ever gonna do anything else in my career that I'm gonna be more proud of than having been involved in this show. 

Jared: The things that stick out are just how important it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And keep on working and wake up every day and treat it like it could be your last and- and if you make it out the other side, you'll be happy and proud of what you did. 

Jensen: The crew had packed up, they had cleared the bridge, and they were all starting to, you know, load their trucks and get moving. And Jared and I just kind of hung back, and we just took a moment. I looked at him and I said, “I’m proud of us, man. I'm proud of what we've done.”

We know that that's the collective we, that is everyone that is involved, that is- you know from the top down. You know, for our portion, for what we contributed to this monster of the show, he and I reflected on that, and still able to see and smell the roses.

[heller-obama]

The Dean Winchester has adhd masterlist

(Aka the adhd!dean essay I promised awhile ago)

Emotional disregulation: (trouble regulating emotions, i.e. going from laughing to sobbing) I mean you can’t really dispute this in canon. You could say he has anger issues from John “piece of shit” Winchester but going from extremes in emotions that quickly is an Adhd Mood™️

Impulsivity: Dean being an impulsive human being is more canon than destiel, do I really need to say more

Hyperactivity: okay he’s not the stereotypical jumping off the wall adhd, but its literally been set up since s1 that he much prefers going out and doing things and hates sitting and reading all the dusty old books and lore websites

Hyperfocus: (an intense almost obsessive focus on a certain task or project at the moment) on the other side we’ve seen him do research before but in those scenes he usually has an obsessive focus and forgets to eat and sleep and stuff, which is practically textbook hyperfocus.

Hyperfixations/special interests: look me in the eyes and try to tell me Dean doesn’t have hyperfixations or special interests. I mean, extensive knowledge of classic rock, cars cowboys, Dr. Sexy. Like cmon those have big hyperfixation and special interest energy

RSD: (rejection sensitive dysphoria, kinda like diagnosed general anxiety disorder level anxiety, but laser focused on rejection) okay this one could maybe also be attributed to his abandonment issues, but also it has total rsd energy bc think about it. All the drama about Sam not coming for him in purgatory in s8 bc he thought that meant Sam didn’t care about him anymore (aka rejecting him), obsessively following johns every order in s1 bc he thought he wouldn’t love him (and would reject him) if he wasn’t the perfect soldier of a son, etc.

Delayed sleep cycles: (basically just some adhd ppl have natural sleep cycles that run from 2am-11am instead of the neurotypical 11pm-8am) I mean it is totally canon that he gets shit sleep bc he goes to bed super late, and then he gets a lot less sleep bc they have to get up early to hunt

The adhd vibes: he just has them adhd vibes. Y’all lgbtq+ folks know how you just meet someone and you’re like “ah yes they’re not straight”? It’s like that but with adhd and lemme say I’m usually pretty accurate. Also I’m desperate for that adhd rep

Feel free to add your own!

[my-sherlock221b]

Supernatural Rewatch Ramblings: Dead in the Water

This episode is the first one to be directed by Kim Manners. It was written by Raelle Tucker and Sera Gamble. It is still the MoTW format and once again the ‘monster’ is something that was created by human action. Ordinary seeming stories—of bullying, lies, cover up—with deadly consequences.

Read below the cut for more and also watch out for the add-ons by my partner in crime @soulmates-for-real​ who does the most amazing gifsets and image galleries 😎

It reminded me of this quote:

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956

It is a chilling experience—both the actual monster when we do finally see it and the backstory of what really happened. These monsters are all created by the flawed human beings. Here is another quote from the same source which could well be the underlying bedrock of the two very different approaches we see Sam and Dean take in later episodes to the whole saving people hunting things.

“Since then I have come to understand the truth of all the religions of the world: They struggle with the evil inside a human being (inside every human being). It is impossible to expel evil from the world in its entirety, but it is possible to constrict it within each person.” .

Philosophical overtones aside, we are also getting more glimpses into the heads and hearts of the two leads.

It is already obvious that Dean has put the whole ‘Dad- is- missing- and- hasn’t- been-home-in -a -few-days stuff’ on the back burner till …ummm  forever ? cos he has Sammy in front of his eyes who is sitting shotgun and being completely brotherly and sniping and bitching while also being boyfriend- level possessive.

As I said in the earlier review- I was just so swept away by the swashbuckling swagger of Dean that so obviously was an armour for his vulnerability that I almost didn’t notice Sam much. This is the episode where he became something more for me. Someone who was also finding out what Dean was all about at the same time as we were.

Someone who could pull him down to earth with a sharp: ‘People don’t just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them.’

But also reach out to him and remind him that they ‘can’t save everyone’.

In an early scene in the episode Sam scolds Dean for even starting to flirt with the waitress. 

He smirks when Andrea shoots Dean down. He mocks Dean’s pick- up line about kids are the best. He seems pleased in a very petty way that Dean’s attempt has failed and that he has no choice now but to hang out with Sam and to give him his full attention.

The episode does have plot holes –that house Lucas draws and the history of the friendship of the two men and the missing boy surely must be well known to everyone in that small town, including Lucas’s mother and how come no one joins the dots etc. etc.

But small quibbles aside, we get to see that the past casts long shadows—whether sins of the past or just events of the past. ( again a parallel to the lives of the Winchesters themselves. And in later seasons we find out just how far back into the past those shadows reach!)

We see that Dean connects with the mute boy, Lucas, but then we learn that he can do this because he had also shut down after he saw his mother die and he knows how scary the world can seem and how he needed to make himself brave to carry on.

Sam watches from the sidelines and we can see him have an ‘oh ok’ moment as he stores away this information because it has clearly never been discussed in the family earlier. Kudos to Jared for being amazing with the ‘active listening’ that Sheila O’Malley references so often.

So despite Sam challenging him to name 3 kids he even knows, we see that Dean actually focusses on the kid throughout. The shared sense of loss aside, maybe Dean also sees himself as the protector of all little kids especially after the Shtriga incident. (which we don’t know anything about yet) (and we do see him bond with kids in every episode that involves kids. It is adorable !!)

In this episode Dean is almost drowning in his dad’s leather jacket and the way the silver ring looks on his hand is just ridiculously sexy…sigh….and that amulet right where it belongs…..deeper sigh. Then the cocky grin, the unsubtle flirting, all macho/manly/me- so- hetero/me- see- me- conquer on the outside but the soft squidgy child- whispering caramel centre, the trauma of being a motherless kid—having become motherless in a brutal way, a missing and probably almost cruel dad, a brother he raised as his own who walked out on him to go seek his own dreams….all these layers are being put together slowly for us.

Dean is not what he seemed to be and that brash swashbuckling exterior hides a very complex and interesting person. The script and direction were excellent of course but Jensen brought to it just the perfect balance of bad-boy + I wuv hugs.

Sam is still finding his way into the story and we are still watching things from Dean’s perspective as narrator which is fascinating to realize during the re-watch. As I have mentioned earlier, I was so swept away by Dean that it took me a very long time to focus on Sam as a separate person.

Ok, now, all together shout--- --WHY do people DO the following things??!!!

Put hands elbow deep into a sink, give lifts to obvious deranged malevolent spirits in human form, ‘let’s split up so we can cover more ground’, go into a shower/bath in a scary scene—can’t they HEAR the dun-dun-dun music score in the background?!! Sheesh.

Anyway.     *eyeroll*

In a not- at- all- very- surprising turn of events Sam and Dean’s fake identity is called out and they are asked to leave town, which they do. But ….of course Dean does a very dramatic turn on the highway and takes them back to make sure the kid is ok!

Then Sam rescues the mother from the lethal bath- tub while Dean makes sure the kid is safe. Then they start to connect even more dots and eventually we see an incredible heroic rescue scene in the scary lake with Dean and the boy.

Jensen had described this shot in some interview as the most terrifying scene he had ever done apparently because he was responsible not only for doing the scene right but also for the young boy’s safety underwater.

What a fabulous visual we do get finally, with the boy in his embrace as they shoot out of the water!

That lake with its dark water is one super creepy place. That very first scene where we see the girl swimming from an underwater perspective had me yelling at the screen for her to GET OUT NOW.

So, finally, all is sorted and revenge has been had and bad folks die, good folks live and as they leave the town of course Lucas chats with Dean and they high five and just like the sister in the Wendigo episode, the young mother in this one also gives Dean a kiss on his cheek. Dean of course blushes and goes all gruff and drives off with Sam smirking in the shotgun seat.

The pattern is beginning to be established.

I am loving it!😍

.

The gag reel of this episode shows Jensen leaping into Jared’s arms.

This is the third episode only. So they have known each other only for a couple of months at this point?! Hmm…my J2 tinhat is also shining. And also wow. I mean Jensen is NOT a tiny guy.

  Here are some other possibly more erudite and informed reviews if you would like to go down that rabbit hole like I did.

This one is cool https://the-orbit.net/entequilaesverdad/2016/05/10/supernatural-s1-e3-dead-water-summary/ and gives a fun and interesting score at the end which goes like this

Episode 3 counts:

Woman in the Fridge: 1

For Sophie Carlton being the first to get murdered by the vengeful spirit. It’s obviously meant to hook us harder: I mean, nobody would care as much about obnoxious brother Will, right?

Revenge from Beyond the Grave: 4

Sophie Carlton, Will Carlton, Bill Carlton, and Jake Devins.

Brotherly Love: 2

I had to give one to Sam for cock-blocking his brother right at the start. Another point goes to Dean’s sick-of-your-attitude lecture to his little brother, throwing Sam’s decision to go to college while Dean stayed behind with their dad in his face.

Toxic Masculinity: 1

For Dean downplaying his grief when Sam draws him out about the aftermath of their mother’s death.

Swimming in Sexism: 2

For Will Carlton’s comment to his sister that “guys don’t like buff girls.” I added a point for all the times they had Dean hitting on any available woman. They do want us to be extra-very sure he’s hetero, don’t they?

Cumulative Counts: Dean’s Man Tears: 3

One point awarded for all Dean’s choking up about Mom. We’re now three for three, folks.

.

This review totally calls out Dean LOL. I love the reviews that were written as first watch because they are without the benefit of hindsight we have on a re-watch.

.

http://markwatches.net/reviews/2013/11/mark-watches-supernatural-s01e03-dead-in-the-water/

“It was fascinating to me, then, that through this, Sam was able to learn about Dean’s own emotional reasoning behind his hunting. Of course, Dean, being the most stereotypical dude of all dudes who ever duded, has to immediately act like feelings aren’t cool because BLEH. Okay, that is one aspect of Dean that I’m not terribly interested in, especially since he expresses feelings like every five seconds. The whole “I am a straight man and I’m very straight and look at that butt straight I’m straight” thing is already exhausting because I get it. You don’t need to tell me this every five seconds.” 

The comments to this review are also super entertaining with gems like this:

“So, if you knew that someone had drowned in the lake recently and their body was never found, WHY WOULD YOU STILL GO SWIMMING IN THE LAKE? Especially if two people had. It wouldn't make you think, "Hey, maybe there's something dangerous in that lake?" This show has some of the least genre savvy people EVER. Like, for example, once this mysterious death thing shows up in a sink, why would anyone want to take a bath or really ever fill any basin with water again? Seriously, is this the Bad Decision Olympics?”

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Here is an awesome review from Fangasm also

https://fangasmthebook.com/2021/01/13/looking-back-on-dead-in-the-water-classic-supernatural/

[ltleflrt]

So, just like everyone else, I have Thoughts.

This is not the ending I wanted, but it was mostly the ending I expected.  Do I think the overarching themes were dropped and time was wasted?  Yes.  It’s not my story to tell though, and this is the ending they gave us, so I’m going to try and be positive about it.

It’s not terribly surprising to me that Dean dies on their first (as far as we know) hunt after they gain their freedom from Chuck’s story.  Hunting is very dangerous, and the Winchesters no longer have Plot Armor from Chuck who probably protected them from the “minor” things so that they could fall to his bigger ideas.  Dean should have died from heart failure in S1 because of an accidental injury received during a random hunt.  The last 15 years have been a gift of time for him, and I think he was aware of that at the end.

The only thing he was worried about was Sam.  Despite how many times they’ve been resurrected, there had to be a last time at some point, and they both knew it.  So he made sure they got to say a proper goodbye, something they both missed out on with so many people taken too early from their lives.  He made sure Sam knew that he was at peace with what was happening, and gave Sam the tools to make peace with it as well. 

I loved this scene.  I was sobbing uncontrollably, and will eventually need to muster up the courage to watch it again to catch all the nuance.  But I still loved it.  I would have preferred Dean to die peacefully at an old age, but he’d have to stop hunting, and I just can’t see him walking away from the life.  He’s too much of a Big Damn Hero.

Sam’s grief was cathartic to watch, because Me Too, Buddy.  Then we got to see him moving on, healing.  I think that hunt he got the call for on Dean’s Other Other Cell was probably his last one.  I think he loved hunting, but loved Dean more.  And just like Dean tried to do with the loss of Cas, Sam went on to live a good life in honor of Dean.  One last lesson learned from his big brother.

My eyes were so full of tears that I couldn’t see the family pictures very clearly, but that may have also been deliberate.  Dean Jr looked enough like Eileen that I’m going to hold it in my heart that she’s who Sam married and settled down with. 

Dean may have been the brother who dreamed of his childhood family life, but he also always loved hunting.  Sam was the brother who hunted because it was there, but always craved normalcy.  I’m so grateful that he finally got it.  And the Winchester Legacy lives on!  Is Dean Jr a Hunter?  A Man of Letters?  Some of both?  Doesn’t really matter.  He’s another Winchester left in the world, passing on everything Sam (and indirectly, Uncle Dean) gave him to newer generations. 

Remember that time Sam asked Dean if anyone would ever remember them?  What legacy were they leaving behind?  They carved their initials into the table to leave their mark, literally, but that was such a small thing.  Leaving behind a child who knows their stories is so much more epic, and fitting.

As for Castiel, I do need to be negative for this one thing, but I will jump right back on the positivity train once I get this out of my system.

I really wish that Misha had made it clearer that he wouldn’t be in ep20.  I was enjoying the episode, but as time went on and I realized opportunity after opportunity for him to show up was passing, over and over, until there were mere minutes left in the show, horror grew within me.  If I hadn’t been expecting to see or even just hear his voice one last time, I wouldn’t have been hurt at all. I don’t think I would have even have been disappointed that we didn’t get to see Dean’s reciprocation, because I know Dean loves Cas, and I had been resigned to very quiet romantic text all season long.  The ILU was unexpected, even though I’d seen spoilers that hinted very strongly it was going to be there.  I would have taken that as icing on the Destiel cake, so long as I knew what to expect of the end of the story.

Literally all they had to do to fix this for me?  On the very last shot, Dean and Sam are on the bridge looking out on Heaven.  Off screen there’s a wingflap sound effect that gets both their attention.  And their faces light up with joy.  The End.

C’mon Dabb&Co, do better.

Anyway, other than that, I do appreciate Castiel’s ability to find joy in his love for Dean.  The fact that it’s confirmed that at least recent seasons the romantic tropes were deliberate still brings me immeasurable joy.  Knowing that Jack rescued him from the Empty and they went on a mission to rebuild Heaven for Humanity and specifically Dean makes me tear up just thinking about it.

He had an absent Father, who at every turn disappointed him.  But he still believed in Heaven.  He still believed in the original mission of caring for Humanity.  And with Jack he gets to be the present father, and together they built something wonderful and awesome (in the traditional sense of the word, and Dean’s typical definition too lol).  I’m so happy for both Castiel and Jack that they get to be a family.

Anyway, those are most of my thoughts.  I will probably have more as I continue to process my feelings.  I still love this show, and welcome discussion about it as long as it doesn’t devolve into wank.  My heart hurts, and letting go of bitterness is the only way I’ll be able to heal. 

And reading all the Destiel Happy Ending codas.  Looking forward to reading all of those!  I’m actually working on one myself, for the first time ever.  I don’t usually read or write canonverse for SPN, but that was because canon was always changing so much as the show continued to air.  Now that canon is complete, I welcome all the fix-it fics and alternate endings and post season stuff XD

For the record, I still don’t see this as Bury Your Gays, since the characters still exist beyond death, and Castiel was rescued from the Empty.  Chuck’s books are closed, so we no longer have a window into their worlds, but we know without a shadow of a doubt that they have time for more stories to unfold in their futures.  All the time in the universe :)

[dotthings]

I recommend reading @occamshipper‘s post here [x] that does a whole lot to further unpack some spn fandom dynamics, beyond what I touched on myself earlier today, but more, discusses the evolving nature of SPN itself. Which got me thinking further (as you do).

With 6 episodes left of SPN left on the clock, it seems like a good time to talk more about my love for this series as a whole, and my perspective on the earliest seasons of SPN vs later seasons. 

I’ve tried to articulate this on various platforms at different times, but it’s sometimes hard to explain, because it’s a dichotomy but not mutually exclusive.

People will make all kinds of assumptions just because I’m expanded cast friendly, because I’m a Cas fan, because I’m ride or die Team Free Will, because I ship Destiel. Some will think but of course I couldn’t possibly have loved S1-2 with a bone deep love, couldn’t possibly have internalized Sam and Dean and relate to them and see my own weaknesses and strengths reflected there, didn’t have 15 years of emotional roller coaster with SPN. Not just 15 seasons, 15 years. I did have to step away a few times and took breaks from it but not years-long, so I have witnessed every stage of fandom and every stage of canon as it unfolded.

Min brought up in her post how earliest SPN started with archetypes. While the characters were also layered characters, they mostly stayed in their archetypal boxes. Not just how they mirrored archetypes of other media SPN has always been a response to (Dean is Han, Sam is Luke and so on) but how they fell into archetypes established of themselves. Early SPN had a start on overturning those self-created archetypes and expectations, a beginning. Dean in particular very quickly turned out to be not what even the show’s creator expected and they ran with it. Kripke created a show he envisioned as being about monster hunts, like Kolchak, like X-Files, and it was Bob Singer who said no brah it’s about the emotional bonds, it’s about the emotional story, that’s our unique hand to play, and whatever issues I have with EP Bob Singer later on, I respect how right he was about that. 

The irony of Dabb era constantly being ripped down and attacked for...being that, simply because it’s not only the brother bond any more. 

One popular negative meme in spn fandom involves complaining SPN isn’t scary any more. True, the style of its horror changed, it changed visually, and I do appreciate the early visual style, but the flip side of that statement is that SPN started out relying on jump scares and mere style for its frights, when even in the earliest seasons it was clear the most horrifying or wrenching moments were going to be emotional. As I said on twitter, over time SPN became an increasingly complex study of its main characters, with escalating moral quandaries, and increasingly a rumination on emotional horror, conquering of inner demons, and most of all the importance of love of all kinds. 

See, the thing is, I really really REALLY loved S1 and 2. No you really can’t even know how much I loved SPN in those seasons. It had a gestalt that cannot be recaptured, and I dove in head-first. The dusty back roads, the intense familial emotional storylines, the haunted houses, the monsters, the dilapidated or forgotten places, the cursed apple orchards, the abandoned buildings, the brothers, the tears. Yes, it’s gorgeous. Let’s light a candle and remember it fondly.

When I rewatch it holds up well enough...it also feels claustrophobic. Limited. Small. So small. Yes still beautiful. But much as I loved the Winchesters and their story and their family already then, a lot of that love is also bleedback because of learning so much more about them. So much more. After that. 

When I rewatch anything before Carver era it feels like that, too small, and I miss the full breadth of what the characters became. I do have some issues with Carver, but he did a lot of great things too. 

By S3 the magic was dwindling for me a little. S3 is when I started to think I was going to just get tired of the show and that was bewildering tbh, because S1-2 were just SO DAMN AMAZING to me. But that’s how it goes sometimes. 

S4 banged the doors open and blew my mind. It wasn’t just Cas’s arrival, but Cas was a herald of it. Cas the most of any member of Sam and Dean’s extended family got the closest to them, could carry stories of his own, and most embodied some of SPN’s biggest themes. But it wasn’t about Cas’s arrival alone.

I thought I knew all SPN was capable of and S4 showed me otherwise and I was a giddy, proud SPN fan about S4. LOOK AT WHAT OUR LITTLE SHOW DID. The canvas got bigger, the character stories got even stronger, more powerful, and more painful. Let’s pedal to the metal and see what she can do.

Season after season and showrunner after showrunner. Even my least favorite showrunner had something more to show me about these characters, something more to learn. (There are a few arcs with every showrunner where I did feel like SPN was spinning its wheels, I’m talking in aggregate, by era, although I don’t love every era the same). 

When I rewatch earliest SPN I miss the Sam and Dean I’ve gotten to know because of course they aren’t there yet, they are just beginning. I have a mirror to that with Cas. When I rewatch S4-6, even parts of Carver era. S4/5 Cas is still exciting. Those are his beginnings, like S1-2 are Sam and Dean’s. But I miss all Cas became. I miss how far he grew. Watching Sam, Dean, Cas on screen while also missing Sam, Dean, Cas. They also don’t feel complete to me without their earliest seasons in my mind to build forward from.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with me about the goodness of modern SPN, but they could at least admit that the SPN they loved left the building long ago, eons ago, instead of staying around season after season just to tear down, to hate, to attack. Everything from character development existing as a concept to the basic easy to grok idea that people can love more than one person to *insert repetitive wanking here on how Dabb ruined SPN by utilizing themes SPN has always always had there since the start and took them farther* to just being mad that S15 isn’t S1.  Modern SPN gets torn to shreds for being SPN only stronger with more complexity, more character pov, more emotional unpacking, more and more about family and how family is constructed, and with a rich visual language and use of symbolism that can hold its own with earlier seasons, and it’s just plain fact, this vitriol was  aimed at Carver as well as at Dabb, FYI, and I have my own issues with both of them. 

Is it really REALLY necessary to hate on a show that has always been billed at being about family for being...about family. Really? Do people even go here?? What is UP with that. Season after season of hard core stans preaching “SPN is about family” and now they’re pissed that...SPN is about family. Upteen repetitions of whining about “too soap opera.” As others have pointed out, if you didn’t already figure out that SPN was and is a family soap opera with monsters, there isn’t much help to be had for you. Upteen repetitions of whining that SPN grants redemptive arcs. What show have folks even been watching all these years????? Upteen rages because on a 15 season show characters grow, things change, and S1 and S15 are not the same.

SPN has always been about the characters most of all, it’s always been about the emotions most of all, it’s always been about relationships most of all. 

SPN is not eternally 2 boys in a car shooting monsters in the face on a back road dilapidated barn while those 2 boys repeat their first look archetypal roles, undisturbed in an endless loop. I can recognize how beautiful S1-2 were without discarding all that came after, and I’m realizing more and more how Dabb era is making me reflect over the whole series run, and giving me a new perspective on the long journey of the characters. 

Speaking as a fan who has loved this show since September 2005, but is also intrigued by current storylines, that melding of old and new, of new light shed over the past, while bringing the story forward, moving the characters forward, is also beautiful to me.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

spn 15.13

and so begins my quest to catch up with this show! let’s do this.

SPOILERS for the episode.

1. god that episode was unbearable. truly, wholly, terrible. it took me two hours to watch it. every choice it made with its narrative was the least interesting one. it had less meat than the two slices of plain bread that jack tried to pass off as a sandwich early in the episode. every one of its even vaguely interesting beats fizzled out like a balloon filled with more spittle than air. it had more characters on screen than personality. 

i can’t---i can’t believe this was supposed to have been ruby’s final appearance on the show--my queen, you deserved so much better--

1.26. okay! okay! *slaps self* i’ve gotten a hold of myself. about ten minutes into the episode, i thought, huh. over-stuffed plot, awkward pacing, and excruciatingly stilted dialogue. is this a buckleming episode? and lo and behold! it is!

1.5. to start with the least of my grievances, the idea of alt!universe samndeans dimension-hopping into the main one was introduced in a subdued, very anti-climactic way? it was a c-plot, or maybe even a d-plot in the episode. don’t get me wrong, huntercorp!samndean are a lot of fun, but it felt like their presence made a very superficial point if it set out to make a point at all, and was there more to make some very specific injokes. it’s kind of what i was talking about in my review of 15.10: it’s one thing leaving by winking at a loyal audience and quite another undermining the weight of your characters’ legacies in order to do so. huntercorp!samndean were a tumblr shitpost, not people.

the contrasts that huntercorp!samndean (god i need to come up with a better shorthand) bring up between themselves and samndean are... interesting, but it does seem like spn wants to have its cake and eat it too. samndean are blue collar heroes who live a simple life drinking beer and hunting monsters, answering to no-one... but they are also the sole legacies of a centuries-old elitist institution, privileged with access to an almost unbelievable wealth of information and resources that they have rather selfishly hogged all to themselves. they are literally the two most important people in the entire multiverse. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SHOW

2. it was genuinely funny, though, to see the casualness with which they did things like ‘go to hell’ and ‘nearly die’. oh *yawn* put the kettle on dear, i’ll just pop down to hell and be back in a jiffy for a cuppa--

(meanwhile i’m just flashing back to how traumatising it was to see a demon exorcism for the first time in the s1 finale. how far we’ve come!)

3. it was wonderful to see ruby again, though the way the episode trampled all over her legacy was fucking painful. she’s just ‘the demon chick that sam had sex with’. that’s it. nothing about her being a master manipulator, her devotion to lucifer, or rather, lucifer’s cause, the thorny, complicated push-pull of her relationship with sam, any comment on what she thinks of the world that, in a way, she helped shape. instead, she gets scenes with two characters who have little to no history with her: castiel and anael, and a backstory about being some sort of demon hustler? and did she really give up the location of the occultum without making sure castiel holds up his end of the deal first?? ruby????

(it’s interesting how the show has gradually adopted dean’s degrading framing of ruby as just the person sam had sex with--even the whole thing about addicting him to demon blood has been dropped, it’s a real twofer: diminishing the significance of sam’s time away from dean and the significance of ruby’s role in shaping that growth, but keeping juuust enough of a scandal there--she’s a demon chick!--that sam is always reminded that he was, and still has the potential to be, a Deviant.)

4. this whole soullessness lark is just a bunch of gaslighting. jack without his “soul” seemed perfectly kind and empathetic and full of feeling. jack with his soul is all of that, but expressing it in a way that’s Winchester approved and also begging dean for forgiveness. that’s just fucked up. the broader implications of the inability to express your emotions in a way that’s societally approved being a sign of deficiency and deviance at your most fundamental level that needs healing and redemption is just... yikes.

5. i can’t believe that pizza montage in the beginning was to set up the two minutes we got of meg trying to torture cas in the empty. like. ??????????

6. will buckleming ever write an episode that’s not just people standing around reciting exposition at each other? i hope we never get another chance to find out.

7. i’m sorry this review reads so negative and somewhat incoherent. (i really should’ve jumped in at 15.14, but i wanted to see ruby, so.) i’m too buzzed and irritated to watch any more tonight--so i will be back tomorrow! hopefully with a more thoughtful, considered review!

[ywhiterain]

Bloodlust

There’s a lot to talk about. I’ll unpack all the abuse stuff in the next post, but I’m interested in talking about ethics. Kripke always had this notion of Sam going dark side in order to save Dean from hell. While I doubt he planned everything beat for beat, I do think there’s a pretty strong throughline s1-5, even if the writer’s strike did change some of the major plot points. But not the thematic ones, not really.

Sam, as I’ve been saying for literal years, is the ethical voice (as much as there’s an ethical voice, esp in later seasons), not Dean. Dean’s the one who wants things black and white and who relishes in violence. Dean also has a deep well of compassion and was inarguably the main caretaker of the Winchester family post-Mary. But when it comes to ethics, he just doesn’t want to care.

He will. If Sam pushes him. Or if he’s in a circumstance that shakes his world view. But Dean’s thing is hunting things while Sam’s is hunting evil. And Sam has always been like this. Even before he knew his powers came from demon blood.

It does come down a lot to their personalities. Dean saw the life he was forced into, all the violence and evil. And he got it wasn’t normal. And sometimes he regretted it or longed for something else. But, mostly? He structured his identity around not being like a normie, but as a hero. Sam saw how his family was different and internalized it as him being a freak.. He doesn’t really see John and Dean that way, which makes sense. He’s been in this life since he was a literal baby. Traumatized children don’t have the ability to see the bigger picture and blame themselves. And it’s not like Sam ever go therapy reprocess everything he’s been through.

This is supernatural at its best. It does present ethical questions. Sam and Dean are presented as having opposite view points, but those view points are informed by their personalities and characterization. The arguments and tension between them in the early days was so organic and compelling because there’s so much groundwork to explain where they’re both coming from.

[gayjoshrusso]

Yo, you good after that spn finale or...? Cause like, that shit was wack.

(fair warning this absolutely became SUPER long so buckle up my dudes here’s a rant from someone who finally came back to this show after years (i kept up with it over the years and always wanted to go back but didn’t until the end) and is super pissed. also shout out to all of those who stuck through. y’all the real heroes. anyways, here we go)

THE ABSOLUTE WACKEST

so wacked that when it went to commercial break after Dean died I literally laughed. bc it was SO UPSURD. dean was literally like:

when Sam could’ve just called the ambulance? Like I get it, there’s decapitated bodies on the ground, they’d be suspicious. but like Sam could’ve quickly hid or burnt them as they waited for the ambulance while Dean still could’ve said his goodbye. and like, even if Dean didn’t want Sam to and just him die, he said that there was no time and that he was fading and yet they just? kept talking? and yes i cried bc jensen’s and jared’s acting were beautiful and all. but like? OF ALL OF THE WAYS DEAN HAD DIED IN THE PAST AND COULD’VE STILL IN THE FINALE?? THIS IS HOW HE DIES?? BY A RANDOM GOON FROM A RIDICLOUS MONSTER OF THE WEEK LET ALONE FINAL ‘VILLIAN’ WHO JUST LIKE...ACCIDENTALLY SHOVED HIM AGAINST A HOOK/POLE/WHATEVER THE HELL THAT STUPID THING WAS. LIKE DEAN FREAKING WINCHESTER?? i feel like they were trying to go with a ‘mundane’ ending bc this entire episode was them going back to like s1 without connecting to any plot and just them being two hunters again. (i’ll get to all of that in a sec) but like 1) going the mundane route is a terrible way for him to go unless it was executed extremely well which it was the opposite of. and 2) it was so incredibly anticlimactic and just an entire spit in the face of his character development.

and you know what? even if they still kept his death like that and pretty much else the same, I’d be okay with the ending if they changed just two things 1) brought freaking Cas (and Jack) back since he apparently helped jack create this perfect heaven for dean and everyone else, (i mean bobby literally said that this was the Heaven that he deserved. you cannot convince me that Cas didn’t explain all of this to Bobby and said those exact words that this was the Heaven that Dean deserves). And 2) at least brought the dead characters back when Dean was in Heaven. Instead Dean was like “I could see my dead parents but I’m just going to take a long drive in Baby whichcasmadeformebcheknowsmesowellandlovesmesomuchandwantsmetohavetheperfectheavenbutimnotgonnaackloweledgeanyofit and drive until Sam dies and then I’ll say hi to everyone I lost and been away from a lot longer than I’ve been away from Sam”. Like how beautiful would it have been if we saw Mary and John like we did in the 300th episode? And everyone else they had lost over the years? Like, I know that montage at the end of 15x19 was supposed to be the final ‘honor’ of all of the characters, but this is the finale. And as much as they kept on trying to say that this show was always just about Sam and Dean, it evolved into Sam and Dean and people they’ve cared about over the years. They were important too! Especially Cas. The show literally became Sam, Dean & Cas but he’s just gonna be mentioned twice...okay. Which brings me back to my 1st point. THEY SHOULD”VE BROUGHT CAS BACK IN HEAVEN. like we got a mention with Dean smiling and Bobby giving him a Knowing™ look but besides that, not only did we not see Cas I’m left with so many more questions. Like how did Cas help make Heaven with Jack? Did Jack bring Cas out of the Empty and just didn’t tell the brothers? Or is Cas still in the empty but helping Jack bc he’s just that damn good? But if he did bring Cas back, how did he help Jack create this new Heaven? Does he have god powers now too?? and yet when Bobby mentions this, Dean smiles (granted it was a cute smile bc to me it felt like a sorta ‘that’s my cas’ smile) not questioning the fact that the last he heard Cas was taken by the Empty to never return again and Dean wanted to honor his sacrifice by living (which don’t even get me started on that) and now he helped create Heaven with Jack. Dean doesn’t even look that much surprised. Which actually makes me think...did Dean know that Jack brought Cas back from the Empty this entire time but had to keep it from Sam bc... ✨reasons✨ and that was why he said that about missing them and having to honor their sacrifice and live, even though all of the other times Cas died he went batshit out of his mind? But not this time, bc Dean actually knew that Jack brought him back. omg was Cas the dog this entire time??? with Cas’ newfound powers did he just like morph into the dog so for some reason Sam couldn’t know bc...you know....✨reasons✨ okay i’m getting delirious here. let’s get back on track. my whole point is, Cas should’ve been there. and even if they wanted more of an ambiguous ending for destiel (which don’t even get me started on THAT) they could’ve at least still had Cas be there to also welcome Dean there along with everyone else. Like, as much as I love Bobby, how more beautiful and fitting wouldn’t it have been if Dean saw Cas there who explained everything there before Dean reunites with all of his loved ones? Cas deserved to be there (and Jack while we’re at it). HE FREAKING HELPED CREATE THIS NEW HEAVEN. He deserved to be there. like tbh I was desperately hoping that he’d at least appear in Baby when Dean started driving. BUT NOPE. 

but you know what, back to me wishing we got other important characters in Heaven, if we did I think it would’ve been better if both Sam and Dean died together and reunited with all of them together (which they prob will in canon since Dean ignored them until Sam came back akhsjshjshsjh). like would Eileen be there? which reminds me, speaking of Eileen, WHERE WAS EILEEN?? was she in Heaven this whole time like Bobby was? and who tf was Sam’s rando wife?? UGH. you know how i’d say i’d accept the finale if they just changed it to where Cas (and possibly Jack) was also there along with some of their dead loved ones? i’d prob still be (barely but it would 100% be better than this) but MAN this ENTIRE EP from the beginning was just WACK. like the beginning showing the ‘ordinary life’? i didn’t really mind it that much bc it seemed like that was the natural way to go. but for me personally, I was hoping and wishing that their journey was realizing that it’s not just them anymore and they both end up happy (maybe still hunting) but with their loved one by their sides (especially Cas and Eilleen). but you know, I’m used to not getting what I want and understand that what i want for a story isn’t necessarily the same as the storyteller’s/natural narrative progression. i may hate the the direction and think that it’s a load of crap, but whatever. but this? the entire narrative was OFF. like what even was the point of those weird mime-pires (who btw my sister couldn’t help but compare to clowns 👀.) and not to mention that random lady from like s1? it all felt off but I was hoping it was leading to something. only it lead to Dean’s wack-ass demise. also like, poor freaking Sam. he had to grow old, without his brother and any more family members by his side. which (someone eloquently pointed out) was what s1 Sam wanted but definitely not s15 Sam (not that s1/pre-series Sam wanted his family dead or anything he just wanted to live a normal life and start a family without his family) And we don’t even know who the hell his wife was and how the hell that happened. also, at least he mentioned missing Cas and Jack. but WHAT ABOUT EILEEN?? 

which brings me to one of my main problems with this whack ass finale (and there are PLENTY more I can talk about) their cohesive narrative between this ep and the rest of s15 and even longer, is just...not there? it’s like they forgot about everything they built just so they can go back to the basics of Sam and Dean. and like, I get it, they’re the heart and soul of the show. they’re supernatural. but like, it also grew more than that? like what was the point of them being parental figures to Jack? what was the point of their 12 season friendship/relationship with Cas? what was the point of all of their connections that they made on the way? and you know what? what was the point of this show lasting so damn long if both of Sam and Dean’s character developments just went ✨poof✨? like as someone who just recently came back to the show, I could just think that this was another early season episode but both of them looking older. (not saying that early seasons were bad. i LOVE early seasons but like as a storyteller and a viewer you want your characters to idk GROW and KEEP that growth). 

ANWAYS this became WAY TOO LONG and all over the place and everyone els e is saying all of this too, but I just needed to vent. basically, i’m not doing good from that wack ass finale my friend. sam and dean both deserved to grow old. and Cas deserved to come back (like the show became sam, dean, AND cas, for YEARS like don’t even get me started on THAT bc i could go on and on about how they did him/lgbtq+ community/his fans so dirty) and destiel deserved to be canon dammit (like what was the point of his love confession if they weren’t ever going to mention it? they could’ve still had cas die without that. but since they did it needed WAAAY better resolution dammit) and the finale deserved to have a better freaking cohesive narrative. 

Again, so sorry this became such a long ass rant. But I guess I needed to rant. Also, please no one send me hate for this. These are just my thoughts that I needed to get out. Anyways, how are you doing this this whack finale, Nonnie?? And thank you so much for the question!

[godtrials]

Hey I’m you’re poor nemesis from yesterday. I feel like we actually ending up agreeing on jess. This just will not do. I want to be in discourse! so here are some hot spn takes. Sam was either a criminal justice or history major. The fact that none of the Winchesters are shown smoking is fucking unrealistic because I know one of them had to. Meg had the best falling in love arc. Sam is nothing like John. castiel’s first gay love was balthazar. anyway, one of these has to be wrong to you

DISCOURSE TIME!!

The fact that none of the Winchesters are shown smoking is fucking unrealistic because I know one of them had to.

Okay, the VISION of the winchesters smoking makes sooo much sense but practically? Not so much. I mean, they’re barely surviving as is, I can’t really see John Winchester allowing them to do much of anything to sacrifice their fitness or lung capacity. 

That being said — there are definite times in the show when they say fuck it and become pretty actively suicidal, or at least taking risks that show they’re not really concerned either way. I’m think Dean in s3, Sam from Dean’s death to early s5, Dean post-Swan Song..... At any of those times, I could absolutely see them smoking, not even ‘cause they liked it, but because they wanted to self destruct. 

Sam is nothing like John. 

THIS ONE I ACTUALLY DISAGREE ON!!! I also think John is awful at times in ways Sam never is, but they definitely share traits early on! A lot of this is ironed out of Sam by abuse/trauma/etc by the late seasons, but early on? Pre-Lucifer Rising? Sam is violent when vengeful (“I want Lilith’s head on a plate”), he’s obsessive, single-minded, dedicated to his cause above all.

I think Sam in s1 demonstrates this well, but maybe in s4 even more. In Season 4 Sam wants Lilith dead because she killed Dean in s3. She’s bad for additional reasons (evil demon, wants the apocalypse, general lack of morals), but Sam has a crazy fury towards her because of Dean. Because she killed the most important person in his life. He’s so caught up in revenge that he chooses killing her above his relationship with the person he’s avenging. 

I’m not necessarily blaming Sam for this, I think I’m a lot like him in this way, but by god that’s something he inherited from John. Dean doesn’t care so much about the “cause,” about “revenge,” at least for the first four seasons he just wants his still-alive family to be together. Hunting is more just fun for him. Not John, and not Sam either. Neither of them were born to be hunters, they’re propelled into it by fury.

(I would also point towards a couple other more boring similarities -- they’re both leaders by nature, both smart, both planners, both stubborn as hell, etc.)

[farday-spark]

Season 15 "Carry On” was not as powerful as “Swan Song” Season 5.

In seasons 1- 5 Dean’s fundamental driving foundation is “protect Sam.”

Dean is family oriented and loyal.

He has always wanted a family, whether it was with Sam & John, Sam & Bobby or Lisa & Ben. In his djinn world, his mom, Jessica, Sam and his “girlfriend” Carmen are there. He prioritizes spending time with them and is excited to have dinner together. 

His flaws are low self esteem, self-sacrificial, bossy, controlling, inability to let go and lacking in empathy to understand different perspectives. His inability to save people drives him to despair, rage and prone to suicidal behavior.  In seasons 1-5 he rarely acts in anger unless a loved one is threatened or hurt.  

Sam in contrast to Dean is ideal oriented, academic and self determinate.

He aspires to be a lawyer and live a “safe” “normal” life. 

His flaws are arrogance, anger, revenge and prioritizing himself over family. 

His failure to prioritize Jessica and warn her about his visions leads to her death. Sam running away to Flagstaff and off to Stanford has harmful consequences to his brother Dean. To the point where Dean wasn’t sure what he was going to do if Sam told him to leave in the Pilot episode. Implying Dean was unstable possibly suicidal. Worse he thought Sam didn’t care about him. 

The ending of Swan is perfect because it deals with their fundamental character flaws. Dean’s flaws drive Sam’s flaws. 

Dean has to let go of Sam to save the world. He has to learn to view Sam as the adult he is because if he does that he can let Sam make his own choices. Part of Sam’s flaws result from Dean not giving him freedom of choice. Sam therefore acts on his own whether by leaving Dean, drinking demon blood or not mentioning his visions. 

By letting go of Sam, by letting go of his control, Dean is learning to live without Sam. He is learning to become a more selfish person and how to be independent. He is rewarded with Sam’s blessing to go form a family with Lisa and Ben. He still has self-esteem issues but learns to live without Sam. Given time without Sam coming back I think he would of gone down the route of Sam’s family storyline in “Carry On.”

Sam’s character flaws lead him down a dark path and almost cost him Dean and Bobby and results in the breaking of the final seal. Sam amends his actions by learning to control his addiction, learning to work with Dean and controlling his anger. 

Dean finally getting the family he always wanted and retiring from a life of hunting in which he was “barely holding it together” is a reward for his sacrifices over the years.

Sam grows as a person by moving past himself and finally gains the recognition from Dean that he always wanted. While not a happy ending for Sam it is one where he grew into his ending.

The issue with the way “Carry On” ends is that at this point neither Dean nor Sam believe they can have traditional families and live normal lives. Both have tried and failed multiple times with friendships and romances. 

Dean had to give up Lisa and Ben to keep them safe. He’s watched Castiel, Jack and Sam die multiple times. We learned that on top of giving up his love interest Cassie(S1), he had to give up his childhood romance Robin(S8). He killed his friend Benny to save Sam. As long as Sam is alive Dean will always chose Sam.  

Sam has a similar experience to Dean. Losing both Jessica and Madison.  He also chooses Dean over Amelia much like Dean chose Sam over Lisa. Dean asks Sam if he would ever consider settling down with a hunter. Sam says he hasn’t really thought about it. It also would be hard to consider for him as he loses Eileen. In Season 9 Sam tells Charlie that he used to think that he would go back to his old life, to law school. However he has accepted this is his life now. He doesn’t want to do it without Dean. 

When John Winchester is disappointed that both are still hunting and without traditional families Dean expresses that he’s happy with their found family. I think both Winchesters also recognize their family is always in flux due the nature of being a hunter.

At this point in the story Sam and Dean have repeatedly chosen each other over others.  When Jack seems to be in control of his powers they both contemplate going straight to retirement. They only express going out with a bang whenever a big bad is put in front of them. 

That’s what makes Sam’s end storyline confusing at this point he pretty much settled on die hunting or retire with Dean.  He has never expressed wanting kids or a wife in the way that Dean has. Sam mostly wanted safety and to put down roots. If they wanted to set Sam up for this storyline they should of given Jack a more central role in Sam’s story. Where Sam would be set up to be more fatherly towards Jack and expressing hopes to have kids one day.  Rather than him having a few meaningful conversations with Jack. Give them more bonding time. Or he could of built a relationship with Eileen in which creating a family could of been mentioned. It was quite out of the blue. Particularly since he appeared to have given up on those dreams with Amelia in season 7 and dedicated himself to hunting. Rather I would picture Sam without Dean as an academic being more likely to rebuild the Men of Letters to carry on the Winchester’s legacy.  Or leading and organizing Hunters like Bobby did prior. 

If Dean lost Sam and was told to keep fighting I think he would be the one to create a family.  Dean always wanted a family and has demonstrated an ability to be great with kids. Dean only believed his fate to die young because it’s what he saw happening to other hunters. His wish to go down swinging was always tied to how hopeless he felt. This sentiment was  strongest when he still had the Mark of Cain.  His anger and drive to hunt were driven by the need to protect people from ending up with the same fate as his family. Also being put through Chuck’s multiple storylines he lost hope of ever finding a normal as a new big bad always appeared. 

At the end his adoption of a dog into the bunker and a messy room show him enjoying his life. He’s not acting like a desperate unhappy man anymore.  He was willing to sacrifice Jack so him and Sam would be free. Dean is typically the first one to jump at the self-sacrifice so letting Jack sacrifice himself is a big indicator of how much Dean wanted to be free. Him dying early was not a fitting end. Even worse they revert his character progress by saying to Sam you’re stronger than me and indicating he wouldn’t know how to live without Sam if the roles were reversed. Even when he does figure out how to live without Sam at the end of season 5 or in purgatory with Cas. 

In either case the implication of him dying on a rod is sad. It implies that without Chuck’s protection the Winchesters are not as good of hunters as we thought they were. 

The ending itself is not bad, but I wish their approach to it had been built up over the season rather than a setup in the final episode. As it stood Dean and Sam had both been resolved to not ever being able to achieve normal. 

Sam didn't have a deep yearning for a family that was finally filled. He no longer felt a pull to a normal life. His character flaws from Season 5 were resolved and few new ones were introduced or were long lasting. Sam was already his best self.

Dean died with self-esteem issues, an inability to live without Sam. His anger issues were introduced season 9 yet never resolved. The closet we come is to Dean saying he's not a killer to Chuck. If anything this episode regressed his character by giving him the death Mark of Cain Dean or Michael!Dean would of wanted. Not the one a Dean 15 would of wanted.