#was not expecting the dysphoria to be this bad from reading these articles lol

[tranakin-skywalker]

Really really really wish sites wouldn't phrase things like "your baby" or "your pregnancy" when describing fetal development. I'm just doing research for a fanfic! This made up fictional character is the pregnant one, not me!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

reading posts / articles / papers / etc about being autistic/nd like, first of all every time it’s more extensive than one tweet you probably learn something new, second of all it’ll be like oh i’m used to X or matter of fact about Y or Z was never that much of a problem it’s whatever but then whenever something brings up like “experiencing XYZ sucks” it’s like damn ;m; i guess it does......

[nothorses]

hey sorry if it comes off as weird, but i'm a bit desperate. i had a real bad time figuring out my identity growing up and for like, the past 4~5 years i've become really comfortable and happy whenever i referred and thought of myself as a gay nb trans man; i experience legit gender euphoria whenever ppl address or acknowledge me as such, and the most connection i feel is to gay/bi men/men-aligned ppl. that said, i've struggled with obsessive/intrusive thoughts since i'm like, 12~13 due to (1/?)

a phobia, and they often appeared when i was already feeling low/stressed/anxious over unrelated stuff. y'know when you're having a good time and suddenly your brain goes 'oh hey, remember that thing you have doubts about and makes you distressed? and you think it's not true? well, here it is again (: you're welcome!'. that's it.

so social isolation due to the pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health and recently i have been... struggling a lot not only with dysphoria (i was supposed to start hrt last year but it was postponed due to, well), but also with obtrusive/intrusive thoughts over 'how i'm faking it, i am actually a cis lesbian' (i never felt attracted truly to women, even tho i had kissed two before, and i am Positively attracted to men in a way i can only describe as 'gay').

it has gotten to a point where i cannot think about, y'know, woman characters from stuff i like that i feel like this is somehow a sign i'm actually a lesbian; i have been dreaming a lot of situations i'm either framed as a lesbian or a straight girl, i have been hyperaware of how cis ppl perceive me (pre-transition, as 'girl') and obsessing over little shit like, if women are looking at me in certain ways when i have to go out (sometimes even 'wishing' it, as if it wanting to 'prove' anything).

i feel...... exhausted, none of these make me feel good, all of this makes me feel distressed. i get dreadful when i take 'lol ur lesbian' results at stupid internet quizzes too. i feel like i cannot talk to anyone about it bc i feel like they're gonna try to feed me either 'internalized lesbophobia' or terf rhetoric, which is smth im v aware of, and part of the reason i've been obsessing over as well.

i had mild doubts about stuff before (like if i was rly a binary trans guy or nb, or if i was bisexual) but none was... like this, y'know.  i was also dumb and read a bbc article about detransitioning ppl which opened with 'studies say most trans ppl dont doubt' etc. featuring two cis lesbians that detransitioned after entering a relationship with one another. i feel rly rly rly dreadful i wish i could go back to feeling like myself (gay and guy) like i did before.

i'm sorry for the longest fucking ask btw, and also, tumblr hadnt let me send the rest for like, Hours, i'm deeply sorry

[Edited for formatting]

I think a lot of this is very normal, especially for transmascs.

We’re constantly fed this idea that we can’t really trust our own perception of reality, that we don’t know ourselves as well as others do, and that the things we believe about ourselves are temporary, silly, and “signs” of some deeper reality that someone else knows for us. It’s only natural that we’d internalize some of those feelings, and struggle to trust even the most irrefutable evidence of our own realities.

If it helps to have some tools in those moments, a couple of reminders:

Cis girls do not typically dread the idea of being girls. They might dread the social repercussions or expectations, they might hate girls who look/act in certain ways, but they do not typically hate that they are girls.

If you are feeling dread over the idea that you might be attracted to women, you probably aren’t! It’s good to work on feeling more at peace with the possibility, because orientation can be very fluid for some folks, and being ready to accept yourself if things change takes a lot of pressure off- but if you don’t want to be with women, you just literally do not have to be with women. For any reason. Even if you are “secretly” attracted to them, if you don’t want to be with them anyway, you simply do not have to be.

Trans people experience doubt. We experience it all the time. We experience it pretty much endlessly! Maybe there are trans folks who never, ever doubt their genders, and I’m very happy for them; but that’s the exception, not the rule, in my experience. This study talks about the steps toward trans self-acceptance, and finds each step is an ongoing process, and often a back-and-forth. It was very comforting for me to recognize the patterns & know I’m not alone.

The focus on AFAB detransitioners is driven by transandrophobia. Because saving the “poor little girls” is a compelling motivator in a misogynistic society. Most detransitioners are actually folks who were AMAB, and found the societal pressure and backlash was too overwhelming, or made things too unsafe, for them to carry on with their transitions. Most detransitioners, period, are people who had to stop because of safety issues, or lack of access to their transition needs.

It’s very normal to go through periods of high doubt, and periods of high self-assuredness. You may just have to ride this out; surround yourself with as much support and love as you can, remind yourself that those fears aren’t really based in reality, and be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Try to make choices that prioritize your mental and emotional health.

You will get through this period of doubt, and come back to finding love and joy in your identity again! It might just take a little time & patience.

(Also no worries over the sending confusion; Tumblr’s a lil broken sometimes, and it’s genuinely not even remotely an issue.)

[vampish-glamour]

Preferably, only LGBT people would portray LGBT characters because:

1. LGBT people are so marginalised that helping them break into the industry is a good thing

2. You say being LGBT isn't some magical other that straight people can't portray, and that this would also mean LGBT can't play straight people.

I disagree, LGBT are systemically sidelined, and real portrayals of our lives are hard to find irl or in media. I also think you give straight people too much credit, cause even supportive allies will come out with some shit that shows clear misunderstanding sometimes.

LGBT however, have been inundated with straightness, and in many cases have pretended to be straight for many years, therefore clearly able ti actually perform straightness. By the structure of our society, we are essentially forced to be able to understand straight people.

(I’ll be talking about LGB because that’s what I think is simple to represent, T I think gets more complicated. Just because then we aren’t just talking about same sex attraction and love in general, we’re talking about gender dysphoria and transition)

What is there to portray that a straight person couldn’t? A good actor can get in touch with their character, and can portray any experience their character has. This includes being LGBT.

A straight actor, if they are a good actor, can properly portray an LGB character. A cis actor, if they are a good actor, can properly portray a trans character.

I just don’t think there’s much to misunderstand or portray badly. Sure, a straight person may not understand what it’s like to come out or be closeted. But they also don’t understand what it’s like to be a superhero, and they still play superheroes all the time. Because acting is about portraying experiences that aren’t your own! Acting is about becoming somebody else. It’s stupid to draw the line at sexuality.

Most people just complain about awkward same sex kiss scenes, and I agree, they should be done better. But I don’t think it’s awkward because it’s a same sex kiss scene, I’ve seen equally awkward opposite sex kiss scenes. It’s just the actors really not wanting to kiss. So find actors that are willing to kiss, and bam, you’ve got a good kiss scene.

Being LGB, while underrepresented, is not a magical other. It’s just attraction to the same sex. We understand that love is love, so we should also understand that if a straight actor just understands that their character loves this same sex character, they can act in love. And if they understand what love is, they’ll be fine.

Plus, I want LGB people to be casted by talent. I would much rather have a talented straight actor, than a bad LGB actor who was only picked because they’re LGB. If the best actor in the lineup is LGB, great! But if the best actor in the lineup is straight, I don’t think they shouldn’t be casted just because of their sexuality.

I don’t really know how to explain this other than that. Let actors be actors. I trust that if you find a talented straight actor, they’ll be able to play an LGB character. I don’t think people should be casted based on sexuality. Just get the best actor, and if they happen to be LGB, that can be considered a bonus but not a necessity.

I’ll leave you with two examples that come to my mind of gay characters portrayed by straight people that I loved. First one would be Tara Maclay from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I thought she was portrayed very well, and she was played by a straight woman as far as I know. Second one would be Marvin from Falsettos (2016 revival). He was played by a straight man, who did a wonderful job. In fact, I read an article where the gay man who plays Marvin’s lover, said that he has a chip on his shoulder about straight people playing gay characters and was wary about Marvin’s casting, but eased up when he saw how good of a job the actor did at portraying Marvin.

Also here’s a clip from Bright Young Things… I’ve never actually seen the movie lol this is just a scene I was told to watch because of Michael Sheen and because it’s sad. Sounds like the context is that this is a gay character (Miles) who has to flee the country due to homosexuality being criminalized, and letters from him to a male lover were handed over to the police. Arguably this is an experience no young LGB person who’s lived in the western world all their lives could properly portray, as they would have never experienced their sexuality being criminalized and having to flee. Technically, you’d need to find an LGB refugee, wouldn’t you? Sounds like an awfully unrealistic expectation. But because there are good actors out there, like Sheen IMO, this experience can be properly portrayed because they can get in their character’s head.

Here’s a clip of Marvin from Falsettos singing about his lover who died from AIDS complications. Sung by a straight man who did a damn good job because he’s a good actor.

A clip of Tara from Buffy, it’s a song from the musical episode but you can just watch the first part that’s not a song, since it’s a gay joke that was acted well by a straight woman. A straight woman who also did a damn good job at portraying a gay character, because she’s a good actor.

I’m just saying, the key here is good actors. A good actor will be able to portray anything believably, even if they don’t experience it themselves. That’s what acting is all about.

[apileoflaundry]

Pride thingy

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? Bi trans man, he/him

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? I misheard someone and I thought he said he was gay, it honestly shocked me at the time because I was 12 and knew nothing about LGBT people, then when I came home I thought “am I gay?” So I questioned nonstop for about a week(?) and I realized I was bi.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? Yes, I have been misgendered by people who don’t know me (I usually don’t say anything), and have been misgendered by people who do (I try to talk to them about it but obviously it doesn’t always work). My dad used to misgender me more often, he eventually came around though.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? My dad I think? He thought I was brave

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? Terrified. And then when you actually say something, it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? I’ve had some supportive reactions, but I think the worst is a former friend ignoring me. I think that makes me more lucky than most.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? I don’t think I’ve ever had any stupid questions about my sexuality? I don’t talk about it much

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. T-shirts and jeans

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? Man idk it always changes, I don’t have a true favorite at the moment.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? It looks cool on other people, but it’s never been my thing. I don’t wear any.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? Yes, sometimes I start really wishing I had the body of a cis guy, or a deeper voice, or a dick...and I also die a little inside every time someone calls me “she”.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? Read some article about a rabbi complaining about the “LGBT transgender mafia”. I found that absolutely hilarious

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? How people are proud to be LGBT. Not every LGBT person agrees with pride, but I personally do, because it shows that being LGBT isn’t always a bad thing, and that you can like being LGBT, despite what some people say about us.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? The fighting within the community.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? No because...I don’t know, I’ve just never planned going to an event. I’m not sure if I will, because I don’t do so well in crowds, but it sounds fun.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? Don’t have one.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? I’ve been in a few. Me and my girlfriend met in a mental hospital lol

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Probably Every Day by David Leviathan. It has a lot of LGBT themes, the main character explicitly says they are not either gender, and by pure coincidence there’s also a trans guy named Vic in it

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? I mean I’ve had people treat me differently because I’m trans, like I’m not good enough for them, but not much else

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? I’m actually not sure. The Bird Cage maybe?

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? Idk

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? Faggot I guess

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? Never been

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? Trans man, it means...I’m a trans man

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? Yes because I’ve always wanted kids.

What identity advice would you give your younger self? You don’t have to come out if you don’t want to

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? I think they’re stupid, the man in a straight relationship shouldn’t always be expected to pay, and the woman in a straight relationship shouldn’t always be expected to clean and raise the kids. I think things should be more equal in a relationship

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? Trans people seem to be taken more seriously when they pass, which kinda sucks

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? If you see an LGBT person being an idiot, it isn’t reflective of the entire community. They are just an idiot who happens to be LGBT. The same applies to every other group of people.

Why are proud to be lgbt+? Because we’ve come a long way and there’s nothing wrong with it