#was my constant fear that her friends will text her things i say

[damnfeelings09]

Animals - Shadow's version

A.N: hey! I'm off to vacation for 5 days so I'm giving you two chapters, I already know how this au is going to end and I'm hoping I can come back to the regular one shots after that, also anybody here likes Leon Kennedy? My man fine and I've been thinkging about adding some storyes tho Shadow is still my main man. RED for stalker, GREEN for you.

Special mention to @animegoddess15 hope you like it! Remember to always check you locked your door twice.

Ever since then, not a single day went by that you don't get a text with those same two words. Every once in a while, a picture of you would be attached to the message praising how beautiful you were, saying all the dirty things he'll do to you. Fear took the better of you, you could no longer walk without looking back every 10 seconds, afraid to close the doors, and to walk home alone. Paranoia had become a shadow over your shoulders.

Pretending that everything was fine had always been your superpower, but between the messages, the school pressure, pretending that Shadow was something more than your classmate and the constant fights with Mailo caused by that, the exhaustion was getting the better of you and it was noticeable in the way you kept frowning, the constant zoone outs during class, the lack of participation. The stiffness in your shoulders and neck was killing you slowly.

“Wow bunny, it wouldn't hurt to relax” His hands gently caressed your skin, massaging your muscles trying to relieve the tension, while you kept your attention fixed on the Surgery questionnaire.

“Get your fucking paws out of her” hissed Mailo. He didn't understand why Shadow was always with you now, he wasn't your friend, he was a bully and had been for a long time. Why would you let him be with you? Why were you so close to him lately? Why would you let him touch you? Why would you want to stain your smooth, pure skin with the filthy paws of an animal? Mailo was annoyed and Shadow was enjoying it, you could tell by the way he nuzzled your neck and pulled his chest a little closer to your back until you were fully lying on top of him. “Are you deaf of something? I said don’t touch her”

“Sorry, too busy pleasing my girl”. - pronounced Shadow with a cocky grin on his face.

“Your girl?” the tension palpable between them both, good thing you were too focused or you'd have noticed the threat in his tone as his eye twitched.

She's mine

“Like I said my gi-“

“Would you please stop! I'm trying to concentrate” you said cutting him off as you got up from your place and put your stuff in your backpack. The noise in your head was already enough for you to have to put up with their egos fighting. “If you want to play whose dick is bigger that's fine, just leave me out of it.”

They both looked at you in shock as you walked to your Surgery class, praying that the little time you had to go over the questions would be enough to remember everything and pass the midterm exam.

“Mine's bigger” Shadow said as if it was nothing.

They both ran after you, Shadow reaching you first placing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him. Mailo just watched you, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. It was hard enough for him to stifle his feelings, now seeing you with a freak as he called em was unbearable. His blood boiled at how you didn't even flinch at the act, on the contrary, you let him pull you closer, his fur rubbing against your bare arms. Mailo had accepted hardly that you wanted nothing to do with him, that you were just best friends and that was all, but he couldn't accept that, was this the reason you had rejected him over and over and over and over again? You both had leaved him behind as if you had forgotten about him but he definitely noticed how you leaned on Shadow as he stole one of his kisses, watching him out of the corner of your eye as if he had already won.

You can pretend that it was me

But no

Stolen kisses and pretty lies. That was all there was between you and Shadow but you couldn't deny that the bastard knew what he was doing when he put his arm around you pulling you to his chest, or his hands on your shoulders lessening the stress. Part of you wanted to feel his hands on other parts of your body, but you still fought that inner voice that just wanted to take him in. When he kissed you, it was quick, it looked like a pure, chaste kiss but you knew his fang had taken a good bite out of your lower lip, the metallic taste of blood making its way through the class reminding you of his promise threat that he would see you later.

By the time you got home it was past 22:00, all you wanted was to take a bath and sleep until the weekend, to stop thinking and just exist in the coolness of the warm water as if your problems could drain away. You were so focused on yourself that you forgot to lock the door when you arrived. An amateur mistake that would cost you dearly. You had been tempting him all afternoon and he couldn't wait to put his hands around your neck, push you against the wall, undress your body, smell every inch of your skin and make you his while you begged him not to. There was no turning back now, no more games. He would take what belonged to him.

Baby, I'm preying on you tonight

Hunt you down eat you alive

You placed a towel around your body, the warm drops of water running down your hair and onto your back, the tension was gone thanks to the magic of the water and playing the waves of the sea worked wonders when stress consumed you. You picked up your brush and approached the bathroom mirror ready to untangle your long hair, you ran your hand through the steam from the mirror and saw him. That tall figure, dressed all in black. You turned to face him but there was no one there, you quickly slammed the door locking it, your heart pounding out of your chest as you heard the knob being forced while holding it as if your life depended on it because it did. It was him, it was real. Your Stalker was in your house and you had no way to escape. You were going to die there, in your bathroom, covered only with a towel or worse, first he would torture you doing whatever he wanted with you just like in his calls and texts and then you would end up 10mts underground, would anyone miss you? would they even notice your absence? Suddenly your phone vibrated, an incoming call, but you were too scared to answer, what if it was him?

“Hey how you doing?” The second you recognized Shadow's voice on your voicemail you ran for the phone, but your desperation and trembling hands wouldn't allow you to accept the call until after several attempts.

“Is it you? I swear to the gods Shadow if this is a fucking prank I will-“

“Wow, slow down princess. I'm outside your home, told you I’ll see you later.” she sobs covering her mouth as she hears the door being forced again. “Did I interrupt something?

“Help me.” you whisper. Shadow senses the fear in your voice, he enters your house breaking through the front door, his stealthy footsteps skirting the furniture and glass on the floor, following the sound of your sobs, he grabs the doorknob and hesitates to enter until he hears a scream coming from your mouth. With a precise blow he breaks down the bathroom door now he owes you two doors and comes over, wrapping his arms around you, protecting you. You freeze at his touch, screaming for help. “Hey, hey Bunny? Shhhh It's me.” he says gently stroking your head. You've never seen Shadow worried before, his brow furrowed, his ears drooping, his red eyes examining every part of your face making sure you weren't hurt, his palm holding your cheek. You failed to contain it and threw yourself onto his chest, salty tears wetting his chest. “You sure missed me bunny.”

“There was some-hic inside, hic-break in” you say between sobs. Shadow rises to his feet, standing in attack position, his ears perked up, alert to the tiniest sound. In a gold-orangy blur he’s gone, running all over the house at super speed, and although it only took him 10 seconds to get back to you, it was enough to find you in a fetal position next to the shower.

“There's no one here” He says. You raise your head, you were sure you looked pathetic, hyperventilating with your eyes red and puffy due to our crying, tears rolling down your reddish cheeks, hair tangled and still wet from your shower, this was not the way you’ll like him to see you or anyone for the matters. To your surprise Shadow sighs and takes you in his arms bridal style right to your room, you peek through his shoulder to all the mess the stalker had made.

Placing you on your bed he takes off his t-shirt offering it to you to cover up. You pull the soft material over your head, the fitting to big on you falling right down the middle of your thigh. He turns around looking in your drawers for your underwear. It doesn't take him long to find them, choosing a white one with small lace ruffles, he tosses them in your direction and stays on his back while you get dressed. Once ready, Shadow picks up the brush on your bureau and begins brushing your hair. The silence between you is not overwhelming, it is pleasant, allowing you to release the last of your tears as his hand caresses your back. When he finishes he places you inside your bed covering you with the sheets ready to withdraw until you take his hand. “Don't leave me” the plea in your voice, your puppy eyes and the little pout on your lips stops him. He removes his shoes and the rest of his clothes crawling into bed with you. You rest your head on his chest snuggling against him entangling your leg between his, caressing his chest fur as Shadow wraps his arms around your waist. The warmth of his body and the sound of his heart soothe your senses and you slowly enter dreamland.

[horse-girl-anthy]

essay on the UFO motif in RGU (and YKA) under the cut

one of the things that makes aliens so interesting is their versatility. YKA uses the classic alien invasion trope as the set up for its narrative; aliens as outsiders, infiltrating human society and sowing paranoia. as anyone who's seen the show knows, this premise is soon subverted. fear of the other is used by the invisible storm girls to justify securitization and eventual militarization, while the main characters work to break down the self-other dichotomy.

RGU doesn't feature its UFO motif so prominently; or anyway, it's not present from the beginning of the show, but instead scattered throughout. this marginality does not make the motif any less important, however. let's take a look at the text to see how the motif itself is used.

in almost all instances, UFOs and aliens are associated with the shadow girls. the first time they're mentioned is in episode 9.

in the skit, A-Ko insists she saw a UFO, while B-Ko says it must have just been a shooting star. they argue about this for a while, until A-Ko changes the topic to disillusionment: she knows that Santa Claus, wizards, fairies, princes on white horses, and kind-hearted, true friends only exist in fantasy. but she begs to be allowed to keep her belief in UFOs.

the inclusion of UFOs in this scene may not seem particularly meaningful. the skit draws a constrast between childhood illusions and adult cynicism, notably including "true friends" on the list of fantasy creatures. with hindsight, though, this choice does seem purposeful. maybe A-Ko wants to believe in what the UFOs represent, which is more clearly spelled out as the show goes on.

in episode 12, the shadow girls list "normal things" for people to do: study normal subjects, get a normal job, fall in love normally, get married normally, have a normal family, and live a normal life. but they conclude that being normal "has nothing to do with them" and proceed to board a UFO so that they can "go back to what's normal for them."

this is an obvious parallel to Utena's arc in the episode, where she rejects how society wants her to act and reclaims her own normal. but it's also telling us something about the shadow girls.

the shadow girls don't just "want to believe" in UFOs--it seems that they are aliens. they're "from Planet Kashira" according to Ikuhara; "Inhabitants of Planet Kashira" is the title of the shadow girls track on the first OST.

I think what this is telling us is that the shadow girls are outside observers. they're not natural citizens of Ohtori but exist at a remove from it. they can interact with the story, but they're a constant reminder that something beyond it exists--that the "rules of the rose crest" are not the laws of the universe.

from episode 13 on, the shadow girls put on their plays after returning to earth from their UFO. episode 24 ends with an encounter between Suzuki, Yamada, Tanaka and the UFO. we see the "monkey-catching-robot" again; once it successfully bags its prey, it enters the craft and flies away.

I could probably provide a reading of this scene if I tried, but mostly, I think it's there to round out the Black Rose arc. it's rather tongue-in-cheek; the UFOs are a part of the silly side of RGU. this eccentricity is humorous, but in my view also tied to the theme of individuality, which requires unapologetic strangeness. there's also something to be said for RGU's use of the inexplicable and uncanny, which often have a far deeper impact on the audience than concrete story elements.

in the final arc, the shadow girl plays begin with their UFO crashing into the chairman's tower. this is as clear a metaphor as one can hope for: the shadow girls and their alienness are a destabilizing force. maybe they're not revolutionaries--the crash appears to be accidental--but their randomness, their strangeness, their lack of propriety are a threat to the order, the masculine rule represented by Akio.

that's about it for the shadow girls. but as I mentioned, aliens are brought up in another context: the episode "Nanami's Egg."

the line "Nanami's some kind of space alien" is rather famous, and that part of the episode isn't hard to read. she's worried that she's seen as a freak, an other, by her peers. however, we also get a return of the motif at the end of the episode.

after abandoning her egg, Nanami is unable to put it out of her mind and runs out into the night to find it. she sings and dances with it, but after a bedtime conversation between Utena and Anthy, the show cuts back to Nanami, now bereft of her egg again.

she finds it, grown 100 times larger, propped up in the woods. she promises never to abandon it again, but it seems not to forgive her, shooting strange beams at her in attack. then it fades and lays before her, cracked open.

I think this scene is adding a new dimension to the egg metaphor: in the final moments of the episode, the egg becomes a symbol of Nanami's self. she tried to be rid of it, as she killed the cat--but just as she did then, she found herself regretting it. but she's unable to forgive herself for it, feeling that she's betrayed herself and lost something very important for the sake of a false normality.

to finish this essay, I'd like to reflect on how the motif of alienness is reflected in the larger themes of RGU. in the episode 11 commentary, Ikuhara wrote the following:

I tried to live true to myself. “You’re just like an alien,” someone said to me one day. They must have been telling me, “You’re not normal.” In other words, apparently “living true to yourself” means “living as an alien.” And so I became “an alien all alone in this world.”

alienation, individuality, and deviance are all major themes in RGU. the shadow girls present a positive image of what it means to be an alien: they are carefree and unconstrained. however, for the other characters, being an alien--an individual--is not so easy. it sets them apart from the social order and may even put them in danger. therefore, RGU depicts the defiant joy of deviation, along with the pain that often accompanies it. individuality may be a threat to the system, but that's exactly why it's difficult to achieve.

finally, "alienness" serves as a great metaphor for self-other encounters, as I've touched on throughout this essay. if we are individuals, that means we are fundamentally separate from one another, because we cannot experience each other's experience. thus, we are each of us aliens to each other.

Anthy asks Utena this question as if she truly does not know, as if Utena is some mysterious being encountered in a dream. they are drawing closer together, and so the fact of their alienness is only becoming more pronounced. it will take the rest of the show to find out if contact is possible.

[strangespector]

Heartbreak Anniversary

Summary: Love, break up and healing

Words: 873

A/N: Going through it right now

Meeting Jenna Ortega felt like a scene out of a movie. We were introduced by a mutual friend at a small gathering in Los Angeles. I had always been a fan of her work, admiring her talent and charisma from afar. The moment our eyes met, it felt like destiny. We clicked instantly, laughing and sharing stories late into the night. Jenna’s warmth and kindness were intoxicating, and it wasn’t long before we became inseparable.

My past was a tapestry of pain, woven from a troubled childhood with abusive and distant parents. Having Jenna in my life felt like a blessing, a beacon of hope that illuminated my darkest days. Our love blossomed quickly, and we spent every waking moment together, filling the voids in each other’s hearts.

As months passed, our bond grew stronger. We were inseparable, sharing dreams and fears, building a sanctuary of love and trust. But as they say, good things don’t last forever. Jenna landed a role in a new TV show that required her to be abroad for almost a year. The thought of being apart was unbearable, but I was adamant that our love could withstand the distance. Jenna, however, had reservations about a long-distance relationship, yet she agreed, trusting my optimism.

From the beginning, Jenna insisted on keeping our relationship a secret. She was adamant that her public image remain untarnished by the complications of a personal relationship. I understood her reasons but felt the sting of being hidden away, a secret love that couldn't be shared with the world.

The first few months were filled with constant communication. We texted, called, and video chatted every chance we got. But as Jenna’s schedule became more demanding, the messages became sparse, and calls went unanswered. My mental health began to spiral as I grappled with the fear of losing her. The distance wasn’t just physical; it started to feel emotional too. Despite my pleas, Jenna never offered to fly me out to visit her. I felt like an afterthought, a hidden part of her life that she could easily compartmentalize.

Then came the rumors. Social media buzzed with speculation about Jenna and her co-star, Emma. Paparazzi photos showed them together, looking cozy on multiple occasions. My heart shattered. Was I not good enough? The tabloids only fueled my insecurities, and soon, the story was everywhere.

Jenna called, knowing I had seen the articles. She assured me they were just rumors, that Emma was a good friend who supported her on tough days. I wanted to believe her, but the growing distance and lack of communication made it hard. I felt like I was begging for her attention, for her love. Jenna promised things would get better once her schedule eased up, but deep down, doubt began to take root.

Weeks turned into months, and nothing changed. I was tired of being the one holding on. I stopped updating Jenna about my life, stopped sending her good morning texts and detailed paragraphs about my day. My silence was met with indifference. Jenna didn’t reach out to mend the growing rift between us. I began to disassociate from the relationship, protecting my heart from further pain.

Then one day, Jenna called. Her voice was calm but distant. She said she couldn’t give me what I needed and ended our relationship. My heart shattered into a million pieces. How could she give up so easily after a year of being together? The pain was unbearable, but I knew I had to respect her decision. Tears streamed down my face as I realized it was over.

Months passed, and Jenna returned home, her show finally wrapped. She tried to adjust to life without her co-stars, without the constant bustle of work. Alone with her thoughts, Jenna began to regret breaking up with me. She tried reaching out, but I didn’t respond. I had moved on, surrounding myself with friends and family, picking up new hobbies, and slowly piecing my life back together. It was a painful process, filled with nights of tears and self-doubt, but I was finally starting to feel like I could breathe again.

Then came the event. I was working backstage, busy with preparations, when I saw her. Jenna walked into the dressing room, and our eyes met. She came up to me and said hi, her voice filled with nostalgia and regret. She told me she missed me, and for a moment, the world stopped. I smiled, acknowledging her words. Jenna said I looked great and was happy to see me thriving. Little did she know, I had spent countless nights crying over her, battling my demons in silence. But I had emerged stronger.

I told Jenna I was proud of her, that I always knew she was destined for great things. We both smiled, a bittersweet acknowledgment of what we had and what we lost. We knew the road had ended there. With a final embrace, we parted ways, thankful for the love we shared when we needed it most.

Every story has an ending, and ours was no different. Jenna and I went our separate ways, carrying the memories of our love. It wasn’t a fairytale, but it was real. And sometimes, that’s enough. In another universe, we would have been together.

[rosemariiaa]

~Broken and Bound~

part: 2

pairing: Paige x Oc

a/n: well! i apologize in advance! this is long ash so read at your own time!! my baby ke helped a lot with this so kudos to her 🥹 @thaatdigitaldiary , as always happy reading lovelies 💌

themes: angst, self acceptance, trauma, (long asl) sexual content, fluff

Enjoy!!!

Juli wakes up slowly, her body sinking further into the mattress as her mind slowly comes back online. She’s not surprised to feel the weight in her chest, like it’s just another part of her now. Another morning, another heavy reminder. She rolls over, grabbing her phone off the nightstand. No texts from Paige. Her eyes scan the empty notifications, then she locks the phone and drops it on the bed. No “Good morning.” No “I love you.” Just… silence.

She sighs, tossing the covers aside, her body moving on autopilot as she makes her way to the kitchen. Coffee. Shower. Go through the motions, like it’ll somehow drown out everything swirling in her head.

She stares blankly at the coffee machine, replaying last night over and over. The way Paige’s face fell when she rushed her to the bedroom. How she fumbled through another half-hearted apology. Paige had just shrugged it off like she always does, like it’s nothing—but Juli knows it’s not nothing. Not anymore.

Guilt creeps in as always, settling in her stomach as she leans against the counter. She hates this feeling—like she’s constantly disappointing Paige. She loves her, and she knows Paige loves her back, but sometimes it feels like that love is suffocating under the weight of all these unspoken things.

She takes a sip of coffee, the bitterness sitting on her tongue, but she doesn’t bother adding sugar. It’s easier to deal with the bitterness of coffee than the bitterness in her own head.

Juli’s mind drifts to the fear that’s always lurking in the background—the fear of being exposed. She’s built her entire life around keeping people at a distance, never letting anyone get too close, because what if they found out? What if they knew? The paranoia follows her everywhere, a constant shadow.

What if? What if.

She can’t forget the time she yanked her hand away from Paige’s when someone walked by. Or the night Paige had to stay in the bathroom for over an hour because a friend showed up crying over a breakup. Juli’s heart races just thinking about it. She’s not being careful enough. What if someone sees? What if word gets out?

The fear presses down on her, making her shoulders slump. She can’t let anyone know—she knows what happens when people find out. She’s seen it firsthand. It’s not an option.

Juli moves to the window, staring out at the world outside. She wonders if it’s all worth it—if hiding this part of herself is doing more harm than good. She loves Paige, and that should be enough, right? But sometimes, the secrecy feels like a prison she built herself. She hasn’t told anyone—not her friends, not her teammates. No one knows about Paige. It’s not that she doesn’t want to; it’s that she’s terrified. Terrified of what they’ll think, of what they’ll say, of what might happen to her if anyone knew.

Her breath catches in her throat, and for a moment, she feels like she can’t breathe. The walls of her dorm seem to close in on her, and she’s left wondering if she’ll ever be free of this—of the hiding, the lying, the constant fear. But it’s safer this way. At least, that’s what she keeps telling herself.

Her phone buzzes, but it’s just a notification from a stupid app. Juli unlocks it anyway, scrolling through her messages, hoping—wishing—Paige had texted her. Still nothing.

The knot in her chest tightens. Is Paige tired of this? Of always hiding? Of being shoved into the shadows whenever someone else is around? Juli wants to believe that Paige is okay with it, but the silence is starting to get to her. Maybe Paige has finally had enough.

The thought hits her like a punch to the gut. She knows Paige deserves better, but she’s too scared to change anything. Too scared to risk it.

A text comes in—Diane, inviting her to lunch.

hey juless, wanna grab something to eat?

Juli’s fingers hover over the screen. She knows she should go, keep up appearances, but the thought of sitting there, pretending like everything is fine, is exhausting. She types out a quick excuse, something about being busy, and sends it off.

sorry can’t, way tm work to catch up on.

Lately, she’s been avoiding her friends more and more. It’s easier to isolate herself than to constantly lie, to pretend that everything is normal when it’s anything but. She doesn’t want to deal with their questions, with the fake smiles and small talk. It’s easier to keep them at arm’s length, even though she knows that’s not sustainable.

As the day drags on, Juli can’t shake the guilt that’s settled deep in her chest. She feels selfish—selfish for dragging Paige into this mess, selfish for expecting her to put up with it. Paige didn’t sign up for this, and yet here she is, hiding in closets and bathrooms, pretending like it doesn’t bother her. But Juli knows it does.

She wonders if she’s being unfair—if she’s asking too much. Maybe she’s just making excuses to protect herself. Maybe she’s too scared to admit that she’s not ready to face the world as she is.

The thought makes her stomach churn, and she sets her coffee cup down, suddenly feeling sick.

Juli moves to the couch, sinking into the cushions as she stares blankly at the TV. The sound is just background noise, something to fill the silence. But it doesn’t help. Nothing helps.

She feels trapped—trapped by her own fear, by the expectations she’s placed on herself, by the life she’s built around this lie. She knows she can’t keep doing this forever, but the alternative feels impossible.

What if she loses Paige? What if she loses everything? The fear wraps around her like a vice, squeezing tighter and tighter until she can hardly breathe.

Juli types out a message to Paige—a simple “Hey”—and stares at the screen for a moment before hitting send. Even something as small as this feels heavy, like it’s loaded with all the things she can’t bring herself to say.

She leans back, closing her eyes. She loves Paige, she knows that. But sometimes, she wonders if love is enough to keep this from falling apart. Sometimes, it feels like they’re both just holding on by a thread, waiting for the inevitable unraveling.

The thought lingers as the sun starts to set, casting long shadows across the room. And for the first time, Juli wonders if maybe she’s not just protecting herself—maybe she’s pushing Paige away.

——-

Juli had been staring at her phone for a while now, the message to Paige unanswered. Each minute that passed felt like an hour, and her mind spiraled, each thought darker than the last. Is she mad? Did I do something wrong? Does she even want to be with me anymore?

She couldn’t get the worst-case scenarios out of her head. That’s just how she was—always imagining the worst before anything even happened. It didn’t help that Paige was so easygoing about everything. Juli wished she could be like that, but she wasn’t.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She blinked, confused. It was late, and she wasn’t expecting anyone. A few more knocks, harder this time. She got up, heart pounding in her chest. When she opened the door, Paige was standing there, looking… different. Intense. Juli didn’t know if she was relieved or about to cry.

“Hi,” Juli managed to say, her voice a little shaky.

Paige didn’t say anything. She stepped forward, grabbed Juli by the waist, and kissed her. It was unexpected, almost aggressive, like Paige was pouring all her frustration and emotions into that one kiss. Juli gasped against her lips, her hands instinctively going to Paige’s chest to steady herself.

When Paige pulled back, she was still close enough that their foreheads touched, her breath warm against Juli’s lips. “Did you like that?” Paige asked, her voice low and demanding.

Juli’s eyes were wide, her brain still trying to catch up. She nodded quickly, but Paige wasn’t having it. “Use your words,” she said, her lips hovering just over Juli’s. Juli swallowed hard. “Close the door,” she whispered. Paige didn’t hesitate, shutting the door behind her with a soft click.

Paige turns back around after closing the door, eyes locking on Juli’s with a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. Juli feels the heat creeping up her neck, but she doesn’t move.

Paige steps closer, voice low, “You were worried, weren’t you?”

Juli blinks, heart racing. “Worried about what?”

Paige leans in, lips brushing against Juli’s ear, making her breath hitch. “That I was done with you.” Her fingers trail down Juli’s arm, slow, teasing. “That maybe I wouldn’t come back.”

Juli swallows, trying to keep her cool, but Paige’s proximity is making it hard to think. She feels Paige’s hands slide around her waist, pulling her close again.

“Tell me,” Paige whispers, lips hovering near Juli’s neck, “did you miss me ma?” Juli rolls her eyes, trying to hide how much Paige’s words are getting to her. “You already know the answer to that.”

Paige grins, loving how Juli’s trying to stay composed. “I want to hear you say it.”

Juli’s breath catches in her throat as Paige’s hands travel lower, fingers skimming the hem of her shorts. “Paige…”

“Say it,” Paige insists, her voice soft but commanding. “Or do I have to make you, hm?”

Juli shivers at the challenge in Paige’s tone, heat spreading through her body. She doesn’t want to give in, but the way Paige is looking at her, the way her touch sends electricity down her spine, it’s hard to resist. “I missed you P,” she finally breathes out, barely audible.

Paige smirks, pleased with the answer. “Good girl.”

Paige pulls her into another kiss, rougher this time. The intensity between them grows, and Juli feels herself melting into it. Paige’s hands wander, teasing, exploring. “You always make me wait,” Paige mutters against her lips. “Not tonight.”

Juli pulls back just enough to meet Paige’s eyes, her breath coming out in short gasps. “Then don’t.”

The words come out before she can stop herself, and the teasing smile on Paige’s face falters for just a moment, replaced by something darker, more serious. Paige’s hands grip her tighter, lifting her up easily by her thighs as she walks them toward the bedroom.

As they reach the edge of the bed, Paige lets Juli’s feet touch the floor, but keeps her pressed against her. She leans in, their faces inches apart. “You really thought I’d leave you hanging all day and not come fix this?”

Juli raises an eyebrow, catching her breath. “You’re a little cocky, aren’t you?”

Paige’s grin grows. “You like that about me though.” Her hands move up under the hem of Juli’s shirt, barely touching her bare stomach. “And you like it when I make you wait.”

Juli’s lips part, but the words disappear the moment Paige’s hands roam lower inside her shorts, teasingly slow. Paige smirks, loving every second of the control she’s exerting. “What? You have nothing to say now?”

Paige watched Juli’s expression shift. With a barely audible whisper, Juli leaned closer, her breath warm against Paige’s ear. “need you now.” Paige didn’t wait long. Her lips found Juli’s again, this time hungrier, like she couldn’t hold back anymore. Juli let out a soft moan, sinking into the kiss as her hands moved up to rest on Paige’s shoulders, pulling her closer, her body practically humming from how close they were.

Paige’s hands slid down from Juli’s waist, fingers teasing the edge of her shorts again. She tugged lightly, just enough to make Juli’s breath hitch. Juli could feel her pulse in her ears, heat rising in her between her legs as she glanced down at Paige’s veiny hands, then back up into her eyes.

“Paige..cmon stop teasing.” she whispered, but there was no missing the need in her voice. Paige smirked, her fingers still gripping the waistband of Juli’s shorts, tugging them just a little lower. “just wanna hear it from your lips baby, tell me what you want.” Juli bit her lip, heat pooling in pussy now. “Take them off,” she murmured, her voice a little breathless.

Paige smiled, she didn’t need to be told twice. She pulled Juli’s shorts down in one smooth motion, leaving her in her pink lacy panties, her hands lingering on Juli’s thighs as she stood back up, eyes scanning her. Juli couldn’t hide the flush creeping up her neck, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was Paige closer—now.

——-

Juli lay back against the pillows, her heart pounding in her chest as Paige hovered above her. Juli, clad only in her panties and a loose tank top, felt every nerve in her body ignite as Paige’s skin pressed against her. She could feel the warmth radiating off Paige, and it was intoxicating.

“Come here,” Juli breathed, her voice low and filled with urgency as she tugged at the hem of Paige’s shirt. When Paige pulled it over her head, tossing it aside, Juli’s breath caught. The sight of Paige’s toned torso was enough to send her pulse racing.

Paige leaned down, their lips crashing together in a heated kiss. Juli responded eagerly, her hands roaming over Paige’s bare skin, tracing the hard lines of her chest and abdomen, lost in the feeling of being so close.

Paige’s lips began to travel down Juli’s neck. Juli gasped, arching her back as Paige pressed soft open mouth kisses against her skin, her breath warm and tantalizing. “mm taste so sweet,” Paige murmured, her voice a sultry whisper against Juli’s throat.

As Paige’s kisses turned into gentle bites, Juli felt a rush of electricity course through her. The sharp, pleasurable sting of Paige’s teeth sent shivers down her spine. “Oh God,” Juli softly moaned, tilting her head back to give Paige more access, exposing her neck further.

Paige’s lips explored the sensitive skin, alternating between soft kisses and playful nips that drove Juli wild. But it was the way Paige’s hand began to roam down Juli’s body that made her breath hitch. As Juli gasped at the sensation, Paige’s fingers slid down to the waistband of her panties, teasingly brushing against her hip.

“Paige…” Juli whispered, her heart racing as she felt the warmth of Paige’s hand lingering just above the fabric. She could hardly contain the need building within her, her body craving more contact. “Please.”

“Impatient, aren’t we?” Paige teased, her breath hot against Juli’s skin as she pressed another kiss to her neck, then bit down, making Juli arch her back and gasp.

“Just… keep going,” Juli pleaded, her hands tangling in Paige’s hair, pulling her closer. She felt Paige’s fingers finally slip under the waistband of her panties, the contact between her fingers and Juli’s sopping cunt ignited her senses. Juli’s breath quickened as Paige’s fingers brushed against her clit.

“Just relax,” Paige whispered, as she continued to suck on Juli’s neck, drawing soft gasps from her. Juli could feel her pulse racing, every kiss, every touch igniting a deeper need, and she was ready to surrender completely to the heat building between them. Paige swiped her fingers between Juli’s wet folds, then she started to move her fingers in slow, deliberate circles on her clit, “Fuck baby you’re so wet” Juli’s hips instinctively bucking upward, desperate for more friction. “Mmph. Yes, right there,” she gasped, her voice barely a whisper. She could feel heat pooling low in her stomach, the sensation overwhelming as Paige’s fingers began moving faster.

“Paige, inside..,” Juli gasped, the urgency in her voice leaving no room for doubt. She felt herself teetering on the edge, pussy clenching at the thought of Paige’s fingers fucking her deep and hard. She needed it now. “Please.” Paige’s gaze locked onto Juli’s, filled with hunger and passion. Juli’s heart raced as Paige leaned in closer, their lips brushing together as she responded, “I’m right here princess.”

Paige wasted no time, plunging two fingers into Juli’s tight hole. Pushing in and out deeply, while rubbing her clit with her thumb. “Ohhhh- fuck P, just like that.” She loved seeing Juli this way, the way she squirmed beneath her, the way her lips parted as she let out those beautiful moans and gasps. The way Juli showed no fear when it was just her and Paige.

Paige couldn’t tear her eyes away from the way her fingers were moving in and out of Juli’s dripping pussy. “Look at that shit, just sucking me up hm?” She whispered, staring into Juli’s watery brown eyes. All Juli could do was moan in response.

“You can get louder. Can’t you?,” Paige murmured, her fingers picking up speed, curling them just the way Juli likes it, hitting that same spongey spot again and again and again. Moving faster as Juli’s breaths turned into loud moans. Juli gripped Paige’s shoulder tightly, the sheets beneath her twisting in her fingers, knuckles turning white as she felt herself on the edge, ready to let go completely. “f-faster please.. shit.” Juli gasped, her voice laced with desperation. The way Paige’s fingers moved inside her skillfully, knowing exactly what to do, made Juli feel alive.

Juli felt her legs start to shake, the tension coiling tighter with each thrust of Paige’s fingers. “I’m so close,” she gasped, the pleasure building to an almost unbearable level. Just as Juli felt herself about to cum, Paige slowed her movements, drawing a whine of frustration from Juli. “P…cmon im so close, feel so full..” Juli pleaded, her body instinctively arching into Paige’s touch, desperate to cum. Paige smirked, taking her fingers out of Juli and putting them in her mouth, humming at the sweet taste of her girl on her fingers.

Paige sits up slightly, moving down until she’s right infront of Juli. She spreads Juli’s legs wider, fingers gliding over her now pink thighs, igniting sparks across Juli’s skin.

Leaning down, Paige pressed soft kisses against Juli’s inner thighs, tantalizingly close to where Juli craved her most. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” Paige murmured, her breath warm against Juli’s skin. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

“Please, no more teasing P,” Juli begged, her voice a breathy whisper. “need your mouth..now.”

With a teasing grin, Paige settled between Juli’s legs, taking in just how wet she is, juices dripping on the sheets. Fuck. Paige licks her lips, taking her finger and running it up and down Juli’s folds making the girl above shudder and whimper. “God you’re fucking soaked baby, I do that to you?” Juli bites her lip, nodding. Paige shakes her head, coming up to where she’s now hovering over Juli, she removes the hand that was under Juli’s right thigh and brings it up to grab her face.

“I said, do I fucking do that to you?” She repeated, inching closer to Juli’s face. “Yes fuck! you do..all the time Paige.” Juli said. Paige grins at this and moves closer until her lips smashes Juli’s. Juli moans into the kiss making paige slip her tongue inside. Paige moves her kisses down to Juli’s jaw, then neck, then collarbone, until she realizes Juli still has her tank top on. She leans up and rips it off her body. Literally. As soon as she throws it on the floor she’s now kneading Juli’s breasts and hardened nipples, making the brunette moan and grip her arm.

Paige leans back down to suck one of Juli’s rosy nipples, while her index finger and thumb rub the bud of her other breast. She’s now placing open kisses and bite marks on Juli’s breasts making her arch her back and gasp. Making her way down her stomach all the way until she gets to Juli’s wet and throbbing pussy. She swears she can see it clenching for her.

Without hesitation, Paige dove in, her tongue gliding over Juli’s wet folds. Juli gasped, her back arching as pleasure shot through her. “Oh, holy- yes,” she moaned, fingers tangling in Paige’s hair, pulling her closer. “Just like that mommy fuck.”

Paige got to work, her tongue flicking on Juli’s clit harshly and teasing, each movement deliberate and skillful. Her mouth sucking up all of Juli’s juices that’s been dripping out of her. As she slipped a finger inside Juli, the sensation sent jolts of pleasure through both of them. Juli’s breath quickened, and she let out a small gasp. “Paige, I—”

“This pretty fucking pussy, fuck ma. loves me so much” Paige murmured, sucking her clit harder and curling her finger inside Juli. “God yess, so so much paige!”

Paige’s pace quickened, fingers and tongue working in harmony. Juli felt the pressure building within her, an irresistible force. She squirmed, overwhelmed by the intensity. “I can’t—”

Paige tightened her grip on Juli’s thighs, holding her in place. “Don’t fucking run,” she said, her tone playful yet commanding. “Dis what you wanted, right? Stay right fucking here and take it.”

Juli let out a whimper, the combination of Paige’s words and mouth sending her into a frenzy. She could feel her legs starting to shake as the pleasure built. “I’m so close!” she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks, her voice teetering on the edge of desperation.

“Good. I want to feel you come for me baby, cum on my tongue please. fuck I wanna taste it so bad mama.” Paige babbled, her wet and hot mouth against Juli’s pussy. She picked up the pace, fingers moving with purpose, each deep thrust igniting more pleasure. Juli felt herself breaking, and with each moan, it became harder to hold on. “Paige!” Juli gasped. “I can’t!”

“You will,” Paige urged, her own excitement growing as she felt Juli’s body responding beneath her. “I want all of you princess, so let it fucking go.”

With a final, breathless cry, Juli surrendered, cumming hard on paige’s tongue and fingers, waves of pleasure crashing over her. “Paige!” she moaned, the sound spilling out as she lost herself completely, surrendering to the moment. As Juli rode out the high, Paige’s touch guided her through it all, every flick of her tongue and movement of her fingers drawing Juli deeper into bliss. “You’re so good at that,” Juli whispered, a smile breaking across her face as she looked down at Paige.

Paige lifted her head, a satisfied grin on her lips, the taste of Juli still lingering. “Just for you,” she said, leaning up to kiss Juli. “I could do this shit forever.”

Paige pulled back, her eyes glinting with mischief. She reached for her phone on the bedside table, glancing at Juli, who raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk on her lips. Paige snapped a quick picture, capturing Juli’s flushed cheeks and the way her curly hair fell across her shoulders. Juli watched her with a teasing gaze, leaning back slightly as she pulled her hair into a messy ponytail, exposing her neck, scattered with hickeys and bites marks even more.

“Like this?” Juli asked, arching her back up, her body a tantalizing invitation.

Paige’s breath hitched at the sight. Juli’s throat looked so inviting, and she couldn’t resist the urge to tighten her hand around it, eliciting a soft gasp from her. The sound sent a thrill through Paige, and she snapped another picture. “Damn, can you get any sexier?,” she murmured, her focus solely on Juli.

With a sultry smile, Juli slipped her fingers into her mouth, letting them glide out slowly. The sight made Paige’s pulse quicken. Without thinking, she tossed her phone aside, drawn back into Juli’s magnetic pull.

“Lay back,” Juli commanded softly, a hint of dominance lacing her words. Paige obliged, sinking on the mattress, waiting for whatever Juli has up her sleeve. Before Juli could hover over Paige, she slid her boxers off, feeling liberated. As she moved back up, she caught sight of how fucking wet Paige had been this whole time. A wicked smile crossed Juli’s face as she bit her lip, the sight of Paige’s dripping folds. All mine. Julie thought.

Paige lay beneath her, eyes wide with anticipation. As Juli crawls up towards her, Her thumb grazed Paige’s cheek and then her plump bottom lip, a soft caress that made Paige shiver. Juli let her other hand glide down Paige’s stomach, fingers trailing lower until they found the warmth between her thighs. Fuck.

The moment Juli’s fingers brushed against her pussy, Paige gasped, instinctively pulling her closer, craving more. “All this just for me?” Juli whispered, her voice sultry and teasing. “Mhm,” Paige managed, her breath hitching as she leaned up, capturing Juli’s lips in a fervent kiss. Their tongues tangled together, a dance of urgency and need that sent sparks through both of them.

Juli scooted up, legs on both sides of Paige. Bringing her hand back to cup Paige’s face, deepening the kiss. As they moved together, Juli began to grind slowly against Paige’s abs , their bodies fitting perfectly, driving Paige wild. Each slow movement sent delicious shudders through her.

“God, Juli,” Paige breathed, losing herself in the rhythm they were creating together. Juli smiled against her lips, reveling in the way Paige responded, every shudder and moan only made her move faster, fueling her own desire. As Juli began to grind harder, the friction between them intensified. Their gasps blended into each other’s mouths as they kissed, each breath ragged, their bodies moving in perfect rhythm.

Paige’s grip tightened on Juli’s hips, pulling her closer. “Fuck, baby,” Paige muttered against Juli’s lips, her voice breathless. “You feel so good.”

Juli smirked, her lips ghosting over Paige’s as she murmured, “I can make you feel better.”

“I don’t know if it can get better than this,” she breathed, her words dripping with need. Juli’s grin widened, a glint of mischief in her eyes as she slowly sat up, still straddling Paige. Her gaze never leaving Paige’s flushed face.

Juli leaned down, licking up her arousal off of Paige’s stomach, moaning at the taste. She reached down, lifting one of Paige’s legs and settling herself between them. The moment their wetness connected, a surge of heat coursed through both of them. They threw their heads back simultaneously, moaning. Loud.

Paige’s hand instinctively gripped Juli’s ass harshly, squeezing it tightly as her other hand tangled in the sheets beneath her. Her eyes roamed over Juli’s body, completely captivated by how incredible she looked—her lips parted, doe eyes now dark with desire, skin glistening under the soft light. How Juli’s warm, soaking pussy meshed with hers perfectly. Paige licked her lips, her mind racing with thoughts of how perfect Juli looked on top of her, the sight alone almost enough to send her over the edge.

Juli held onto Paige’s bicep with one hand, her other gripping Paige’s thigh for leverage. She started moving up and down, rolling her hips in a steady rhythm. Each movement made both of them shudder, and Juli bit her lip, muttering curse words under her breath as the pleasure built between them.

“Shit… fuck,” Juli breathed out, her voice ragged, lost in the feeling of their pussies sliding against each other. Paige groaned in response, her fingers digging into Juli’s skin, desperate to keep her close. They went quiet for a minute, all you could hear was the wetness of their sopping pussies mixing together.

Juli’s breath grew heavier as she quickened her pace, her hands slipping from Paige’s bicep and thigh to her own breasts. She kneaded them, her head thrown back in pleasure as she moaned louder, riding Paige harder, her hips moving in an unrelenting rhythm.

Paige’s eyes were locked on her, mesmerized by how perfect Juli looked above her. “You look so fucking good on top of me baby,” Paige growled, her voice thick with desire, sitting up slightly, bucking her hips upwards as she fucked Juli back. She brought her hand down hard on Juli’s ass with a sharp smack.

Juli let out a loud, involuntary moan, the sound echoing in the room as her hips stuttered for a moment. She looked down at Paige through hooded eyes, her lips parted. “That’s gonna leave a mark P,” she muttered, her voice breathless.

“Good,” Paige replied, her fingers gripping Juli’s waist as she began to move them together, faster and harder. Their bodies slammed against each other, the sensation building to something almost unbearable. “That’s it… that’s it holy-,” Paige rasped, her eyes filled with hunger as she watched Juli ride her. “So close, baby… keep riding me just like that. cum with me, please.”

Juli could barely form words at this point, her moans growing louder and more desperate. All she could do was nod, her hand gripping Paige’s shoulder for stability as she tried to keep the pace, her body trembling with the pleasure surging through her.

Paige moved her hand down between Juli’s thighs, her thumb pressing firmly against Juli’s swollen clit. She rubbed in tight circles, watching Juli’s face contort in pleasure. Juli’s hips stuttered and she arched her back, her entire body on the brink.

“I’m gonna cum! shit Paige!,” Juli gasped, her voice trembling with the effort of holding herself together.

Paige’s thumb moved faster, her own release hanging in the balance. “cum for me, baby. I’ve got you,” Paige whispered, her voice soft yet commanding.

With one final thrust, Juli’s entire body tensed as she let go, a loud moan tearing from her throat. Paige followed seconds later, her own release crashing over her. Their cunts moved together through the wave of pleasure, cream pooling, dripping onto their thighs, until finally Juli collapsed forward, her face falling onto Paige’s shoulder as she gasped for breath, her chest heaving against Paige’s.

Paige held her tightly, her hand gently stroking Juli’s back as they both tried to catch their breath, their bodies still trembling slightly from the aftershocks. The room was quiet except for their ragged breathing.

——-

Both girls eventually pull away after Paige tries to sneak another round in, they head to the bathroom to clean up. The water’s warm, and Juli stands behind Paige, washing her hair, standing on her tiptoes to reach. Paige leans into it, eyes closed, the soft pressure of Juli’s fingers moving through her hair calming her down. No words, just quiet moments of intimacy. And she loved it.

“You look so cute trying,” Paige murmurs, a smirk playing on her lips as she glances over her shoulder at Juli, who just rolls her eyes.

“Shut up, you’re like a 6 foot giant,” Juli mutters back, focusing on scrubbing shampoo through Paige’s hair. The whole thing feels so domestic it makes Paige’s chest tighten a little, but she doesn’t say anything about it.

They rinse off, brush their teeth side by side, still stealing glances at each other in the mirror. It’s stupid how good this feels, just the small stuff. Paige watches Juli with a soft smile, feeling the weight of everything that’s been on them these past months lift, bit by bit.

Back in Juli’s room, she’s got her pink silky robe tied loose, teasingly brushing her hair out as she catches Paige staring.

“Don’t make me come over there,” Paige warns lightly, though there’s a real threat behind her voice.

Juli smirks, playing with the tie of her robe. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

Paige just leans back on the bed, crossing her arms. “ I might have to strap you up again.” Juli bites her lip, her smile teasing but soft. “Sure you will.” “Yeah, you say that like last time you wasn’t running away from it mama.” Paige replied with that sly grin on her face.

“Shut up!” Juli rolled her eyes.

They end up tangled in bed, the movie on the TV long forgotten as they lay together. Paige’s arm rests across Juli’s body, fingers tracing absent patterns on her skin. But Juli’s mind is elsewhere, spinning with thoughts she hasn’t let herself fully deal with until now. There’s a sense of safety here, with Paige, something she’s been scared to let herself want for so long.

She breathes in deeply, the weight of everyone’s opinions, all the judging eyes, all the whispers that used to feel so heavy—now they seem to fade into the background. None of it matters when she’s with Paige. For the first time, Juli feels free. Truly free. And the only thing she wants is to stay that way with Paige, without fear, without hiding.

Paige notices how quiet Juli’s gotten and nudges her gently. “You good?” she asks, her voice soft but laced with concern.

Juli doesn’t get a chance to respond before her phone buzzes on the nightstand. She glances at it, reading the text from Diane: “I’m staying at my bfs place, I’ll be home in the morning!”

Paige’s face falls just a little, the flicker of insecurity flashing across her features. “Should I… should I get my stuff and go?” Paige asks, her voice quiet, not wanting to assume anything.

Juli turns to her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “No. Stay,” she says, almost too quickly.

Paige sits up slightly, still unsure. “But your roommate—won’t she be here in the morning?” Juli nods, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah.”

Paige raises an eyebrow, still confused. “And you want me to stay? Like, actually stay the night?”

Juli takes a deep breath, shifting to sit up a little more. “Yeah, I do. Look, Paige… I know these past few months haven’t been easy. You’ve dealt with me and my fears, my bullshit, and I know it’s been a lot.”

Paige stays quiet, her eyes locked on Juli, feeling something heavy building in her chest.

“I was scared,” Juli continues, her voice raw now, like she’s been holding this in for too long. “I was terrified of what everyone would think. But you… you never made me feel like I had to rush, like I had to be something I wasn’t ready to be. You understood that, and that made me love you even more.”

Paige’s heart pounds harder in her chest, the words hitting her in ways she didn’t expect. But Juli keeps going, her voice breaking slightly. “But I realize now how much I was hurting you, how I made you feel like a secret. And I’m sorry, Paige. I’m so sorry for putting you through that.” Juli’s voice cracks as she fights to keep her emotions in check. “I was a coward. I let fear control everything. But why? Why should I hide the one person I love more than anything in this world?”

Paige feels her throat tighten, watching Juli’s vulnerability spill out. Her hands are trembling a little, but she doesn’t pull away. Juli takes a shaky breath, her eyes locked on Paige’s. “You’re not some secret, P. You’re everything to me.”

For a moment, all Paige can do is sit there, trying to process everything Juli just said. She feels the tears well up, her emotions hitting her full force. And before she can think too much about it, she leans in, grabbing Juli’s face gently, kissing her softly, tears sliding down her cheeks.

The kiss is soft, tender, and full of the weight they’ve both been carrying for too long. Paige pulls back just slightly, her lips barely brushing against Juli’s as she whispers, “I love you… so fucking much.”

Juli’s eyes are glossy with tears too, her smile soft and full of relief. “I love you too,” she whispers back, pressing her forehead against Paige’s.

“You’re my everything.”

——-

a/n: this shit was a rollercoaster hello? i’m ovulating i’m sorry 😓 but ily

tags: @thaatdigitaldiary @sierrale8ne @patscorner @ohbueckers @mrsarnold @riyahtheballer @absolutelydreadful @authentic-girl03

[couldtransitionsaveher]

EMIL SINCLAIR from LIMBUS COMPANY

JUSTIFICATION:

"The unhatched egg metaphors. The constant anxiety and insecurity. The Zwei ID art where she looks like a gay librarian. The scene in Hell's Chicken where Ryoshu's team is all women oh and Sinclair too. The cute little Faelantern dress... it is my belief that Sinclair will only reach full self-actualization once she realizes she's a girl. This goes for the Sinclair from Demian (1919) too but I don't know as much about that one." - Anonymous

"okay. where the hell do I start.

Sinclair (Limbus Company) is based directly off of Sinclair (Demian - this will come up in a minute), and is a largely withdrawn, melancholic "boy" whose associated imagery is an egg and breaking out of a shell (again - more in a minute), and characters comment sometimes that she seems like she has an inner turmoil/darkness to her. a couple of her outfits just straight up look like mid-transition fits. her appearance in the album art for the song used in her chapter (itself based on the painting described below) is one of the most #girl things imaginable Sinclair from the source text (Demian)

1. struggles with her parents' expectations for her, and her increasing betrayal of those expectations (leading to such lines as "-at times I didn't want the Prodigal Son to repent and be found again. But one didn't dare think this, much less say it out loud.")

2. becomes friends with Demian who, aside from representing a more nuanced take on the black/white logic of point 1, Sinclair regularly remarks how cool it is that Demian's face is kinda feminine

3. begins to view herself as destined to live between two worlds, the light and the dark, human and inhuman, and, interestingly, "man and woman in one flesh". for all this is treated as a fear it's also explicitly stated to be something she desires

4. stops and thinks one day in college "perhaps I am not like other men?"

5. sees some random pretty girl one day and decides the concept of that pretty girl must be the path to return to the world of light/salvation. she learns to paint just to paint this girl and doesn't get it perfectly accurate but is pleased nonetheless. she becomes obsessed with this painting and stares at it while falling asleep before eventually realizes that the painting actually resembles herself, not as she feels she is but "-what determined [her] life, it was [her] inner self, [her] fate ... what the woman [she] would love would look like if ever [she] were to love one. That's what [her] life and death would be like..." - she eventually burns the painting and eats the ashes, y'know normal "girl who hasn't realized it yet" behavior

6. throughout the entire book she has visions relating to and is tied to imagery of eggs and birds escaping their shells to take flight" - Anonymous

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[reidairie]

𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞 ⦙ se-mi x fem!reader

summary ⦙ two ex-lovers, missing each other, reunite when one finds the other's hoodie and uses a mutual friend to ask them to come collect it.

warnings ⦙ reader insert , none that i know of!

wrd count ⦙ 1000+

chrcter count ⦙ 5000+

author's note ⦙ should i make this a series? also sorry to everyone who requested, i'll get there eventually. ive been so busy lately, and ive had this in my drafts for a little while now. <3 also this song brought back so much nostalgia i had to bring it into a fanfic! (gacha phase...)

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 ⦙ yes no

𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 ⦙ hoodie by hey violet.

as reader stood in the middle of her cluttered room, she felt overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that had accumulated over the years. there were clothes lying around, unused makeup scattered on her dresser, and plenty of fully read books on her desk. determined to bring some order back into her space.

the only reason reader decided to start spring cleaning her room was due to her mum's constant nagging about the state of her messy room. she made her way to her wardrobe. she chucked old and un-fitted clothes to one side. but then she came across something she had completely forgotten about - se-mi's hoodie. she knew she had to return it, but her mind was torn. the voices in her head were telling her to keep it as a reminder of their time together, whispering that it was the right person, but the wrong time. However, reason told her that holding onto the hoodie would only prolong the pain of their breakup. the wound was recent, and reader has had a rough time getting over it, but so has someone else.

they were both torn at the desicion they concluded. but it was the best thing, well thats what they thought at the time.

she decides to slip it onto her delicate body, maybe for the last time ever. maybe in another universe things would work out.

"i slip it on over my shoulders.its something i'll never get over. it makes me feel a little bit closer to you." - hey violet.

you texted your mutual friend, su-bong, who jokingly calls himself thanos. i inform him of the hoodie what was meerly left behind. he says that he will let se-mi know and all i can do now is wait for a reply. i sit on the corner of my bed. you reflect on your past decisions, looking out the window as the rain slowly drips down the glass, creating a soothing rhythm. Feelings of regret begin to bubble up inside you as you ponder the path you both had taken to get to this point. a sudden ping from your phone breaks the silence, and you quickly pick it up, hoping for a distraction from your regrets. the notification indicates a text from thanos. It reads "hey, i just texted se-mi about the hoodie she left. she said she will pick up if shes free tonight. ill keep you updated so you know if she will be coming or not." i reply with a thank you and place my phone beside me on the bed once again, and all of a sudden, the bubbling of regret comes back. the fear of going back in the past hollows over you. the thought of seeing se-mi again made your heart race, but the memory of your breakup added a layer of unease. the rest of the day passed by slowly, as you waited anxiously for se-mi's arrival."

As the hours ticked away; awfully slowly, you found yourself growing more and more nervous. you fidgeted with the hoodie strings, smoothing out wrinkles and checking for any possible stains. when the doorbell finally rang, signalling se-mi's arrival, your heart skipped a beat. you sigh deeply, trying to calm yourself as you walked to the door and opened it. standing in front of you was se-mi, her expression unreadable.

you swallowed back your emotions and managed a polite smile. "hey..." trying to keep your voice steady. an awkward silence hung in the air for a moment, the tension between you palpable "let me just grab the hoodie," you said quietly as you shut the door polietly and run upstairs to your room, grab it and go back down, but, your brother intrupts you. "whos at the door?" he questions, "its a bit late."

"its se-mi" i wave her hoodie in the air, as soon as he understood, he let me be. he nodded and gave you a subtle thumbs up before taking his leave, sensing the need for a private moment between you and se-mi. you were now left alone with her, the silence between you filled with unspoken thoughts and emotions.

"if you want it back, if you want it back, im here waiting. come and take it back, come and take it back." - hey violet.

she took the hoodie from you, her fingers gently brushing against yours, sending a jolt of electricity through your veins. Neither of you spoke for a few moments, the air thick with the weight of the memories that lay between you. finally she looked up at you. searching in your eyes, for something, anything, what was an indication to what you were feeling. you stood there, awkwardly, as she analyzed you. it was as if time has stopped. the clocks stop turning and so didy your future as you watch her leave into the oblivion.

you took in the mess of your room once again. she decide to clean her room. she connected her bluetooth headphones to her phone and turned on her playlist. as she started cleaning, her mum and brother stood in the doorway, observing the scene silently. they exchanged a glance, their expressions filled with concern and surprise. her mum was the first to speak up. "Is she okay?" her mum whispers to her brother. her brother shrugged, his eyes still fixed on his sibling. "i didn't even think she knew how to clean."

" the smell of your colonge is still on it, but you're still gone." - hey violet.

reader groaned as the cheerful notification interrupted her much-needed beauty sleep. she begrudgingly opened the message to find a small glimmer of hope flickered in her heart as she considered the possibility that this could mark the beginning of a new chapter in her life.

"thanks for the hoodie."

A small glimmer of hope flickered in her heart as she considered the possibility that this could mark the beginning of a new chapter in her life.

"your welcome. :)" .......

"im still rocking your hoodie, and chewing on the strings. it makes me think about you, so i wear it when i sleep. i kept the broken zipper, and the cigarrette burns. still rocking your hoodie, baby, even though it hurts." - hey violet

ㅤׂ 𝄄︵⠀ masterlist , most recent , dni / int , venus ㅤׅ ⌯ ઇ

[prettyrealm]

itzy yuna as a bestfriend

overall:

first of all, yuna wants her bestfriend to be super pretty and attractive, she does her very best to provide emotional support to others so she wants someone who can handle her trauma dumping and provide heavy emotional support in return, she tends to hold herself accountable in her friendships and takes them very seriously, she won’t neglect you, she’s not the type to leave you on read for long periods of time and she’ll make sure you two don’t spend too much time apart even if she’s extremely busy. she wants to be there through everything and hold onto you through ups and downs, she wants the friendship to feel meant to be, but at the same time, she’s very guarded and holds herself back as she’s been betrayed by a friend before and fears it happening again. she’s the type to continue listening to your troubles, even if they’re “annoying.” Like, if you keep going back to your shitty ex knowing you shouldn’t, but still keep needing to vent, she will listen to you genuinely. she’d pretty much be happy to help you through any emotional mess. she also has a problem with lying to keep her friends happy though, like she won’t tell you to straight up dump your trashy ex if she thinks it’s hopeless anyway.

strengths:

she will be the #1 most comforting person to talk to. “everything is gonna be okay” and many compliments. she’s very good at saying what you want to hear. she won’t say anything to hurt you. she’s the type to not give advice at all actually and will let you do what you want and support you through your good and bad decisions. she won’t push her opinions onto you. she’s a big spender. let’s say there’s a super expensive and fancy restaurant that she wants to go to, if she knows you can’t afford it, she’ll pay because she wants to share that experience with you. she may even have sort of a motherly vibe, she wants to take care of her friends for a long time. she wants to be in almost constant communication and won’t ever make you feel unheard. if she’s on tour or working a lot she’ll be sure to text you whenever she can. extremely willing to do things she doesn’t like as long as her friend does, “if you like it, I love it.” If you’re yuna’s bestfriend you will genuinely feel loved by her.

weaknesses:

she’s not much of a girl’s girl - at all, she’ll listen to your problems, but she’s secretly judging you hard and may even vent to other friends about you even if she isn’t telling you directly what she thinks, romance >> friendship - as much as she’s there for her friends, her love life will always come first, she definitely makes herself come across a lot nicer than she actually is to your face, she tends to build up resentment and won’t ever communicate - she gossips instead, (considering her love life comes first, if she’s dating, she would 100% be complaining about her besties to her partner), she’s a very big liar, she really wont ever tell you what she’s really thinking. she’s shallow - she wants her friends to be young and pretty like her, she’s okay with earning more money than you, but you have to be on the same level of her socially and appearance wise.

what type of friendship does yuna want?

she wants a bestfriend that has the same beliefs as her (if she’s religious, she could prefer friends to be of the same religion), she likes being the one people feel they need to go to, she wants to be able to ask anything of you and for you to just do it. like, if she says “hey, l need you to make a fake account and stalk my ex on instagram” or if she needs you to lie to someone for her she needs to know she will be able to ask you to do that, she needs a lot of reassurance that you’ll stay by her side and not leave or betray her, compliments and saying nice things to each other is super important to her. I think to her, friendship is more about feeling emotionally happy in the moment, so her actual opinion of you and your actions doesn’t matter, therefore honesty and being up front isn’t that important. it’s about making each other feel good when you’re together, and feeling supported when you communicate and need each other. to yuna, that takes precedence over everything else.

[amusingmusie]

More questions about Evie? Ask and you shall receive!

Al and baby Evie. What would that look like? Does he dote on the baby, leave her to Nel, try (and fail) support the demon spawn he brought into the world? Basically, would he be a good father, and does he carry the burden equally?

Honestly, I think Nel would make a pretty great mom seeing as she basically raised Grace from birth, and Grace turned out fine! Nel does seem to have a nasty habit of raising agents of chaos, though. Maybe it wasn't actually Al's fault 🤔

Presuming, once again, that Al was alive for this, does he keep up with his habits? Does being responsible for a child who might cry a lot at night put him at a higher risk of being caught missing, and cut down on the murder time? Or who knows, maybe morals kicked in, and the thought of being caught and leaving Nel alone with a kid was a line not even he would cross (he's a murderer, not a monster).

And what was baby Evie like!!! Quiet baby? Loud baby? A nightmare in private, but an angel in public? She seems like the type to need constant attention.

There have also been a lot of hints that Evie is Violent. Did Nel do a good job instilling fear of the law into her? Or did Evie inherit her father's "hobbies," too?

What about his powers? Is there anything inherent about them that Evie might get? Or would she have needed Al's guidance in order to use her abilities. And if Al was alive, would he have taught her?

Does she have actual friends? I know that Nel is a loner and Al doesn't really care if his "friends" lived or died, but does Evie have any genuine human connection - outside of her arch nemesis ofc (don't tell her I said that). Like a bitch pack or a best friend who roam the school tormenting everyone they meet. Just as a treat.

Also, Roxy: what's her story? Is she a young Nel with a new look and (hopefully) no nicotine addiction? Does she get to have friends?

Let me know if I should break these asks up more in the future to avoid the wall-of-text problem! Once again, don’t feel pressured to answer any of the questions if you don’t want to or if it’s spoiler territory. Take care of yourself! Don't get lost or stolen!!!

YIPPEEEE!!! For pride month I am answering a yummy ask about one of my favorite evil lesbians.

In the little thought-world-brainrot-center I've created for Evie, Alastor isn't exactly around to know about her let alone interact with her. If he WAS around, I mean, he'd try his best to make sure the kid doesn't hurt herself since she is an extension of himself and he appreciates that, but I don't see him being the best dad. Emotional comfort? He doesn't do that. Teaching her to dissect things? Now that he can do!

I actually jokingly refer to an alt timeline in which Nel gets pregnant as "the good ending" because it's the only thing that would stop Alastor's charitable side hobbies in their tracks. Not because he has a change of heart- he just literally cannot find the time for it, and he knows Nel would cave his skull in if she caught him. He'd maybe try sneaking out one (one) night and then the ginger sits up in bed from a dead sleep and just says "fuck. no."...he gets right back in and doesn't sneak out again until Evie is older.

Evie was a pretty good baby! She didn't become an odd little cretin til she could walk, because then baby girl decided she wanted to play in the knife drawer.

She is violent in a way, but she actually takes more after Nel's brand than Alastor's. As weird as she is, and as sweetly as she threatens people, she doesn't resort to violence unless you've fucked with her or someone she cares about. It's that same sort of momma bear mauling-style that Nel has combined with Alastor's lack of remorse/excitement. It's not like she's killed anyone though, or even seriously maimed anyone. She has the capability, but not the urge. I know I jokingly call her an evil lesbian, but she's not actually evil. Just a menace.

I actually have always played around with the idea of Miss Genevieve being very spiritually attuned! I know that the supernatural takes a backseat role in my fic (for now anyway, that'll fucking change soon enough) so for Evie's story, I wanted it to play a much larger role. She's the kind of kid to look at someone and go "March 15th, 1933" and then skip away like it's nothing. Nel got used to it really, really fast. There's more than just her and Evie living in their house, after all. If Al was around, I don't know if he could have helped? I write him as someone who is aware but perhaps not the most integrated into the paranormal world (while alive). He'd definitely find it funny that Evie is though.

Evie has friends, but not close friends. Her story is hard to explain without spoiling my fic so all I can say is that she isn't a loner, but is incredibly lonely at times. Most of her relationships are shallow since she doesn't let others in. While her weird, chaotic nature isn't a front at all, she does rely on it to keep others at arms length if they get too close. She's incredibly popular with people she doesn't know well to the point that she has sort of created a little clique for herself. They don't really see beyond what she shows them. For those she's "closer" to who see her oddities, she uses those oddities and back-handed comments to keep them from getting close. Only Nel and Grace (and eventually Roxxy) are let in.

Roxy my beloved. She's much more than just another Nelly; she actually leans a little opposite to Nel, she's a slacker and usually gets in trouble pretty constantly. She's got a lot of anger from family expectations but she reacted to those expectations completely differently than Miss Penelope did. Roxxy actually has more close friends than Evie. Nobody would really see it unless they saw how fake Evie is with people (Husk would have a field day with that girl).

Thank youuuu for all the questions and I'm sorry it took me a while to answer them!

[man-im-so-high]

Mate there hasn’t been any hurt/comfort fics

It’s been a dry desert

But if you can make one, your choice btw, I have a concept (if you’re comfortable with it, if not that’s okay)

The concept: girlie escapes an abusive relationship and Matty comforts her

//LEAVING TONIGHT// - m.h. x reader

summary: escaping your abusive ex and finding shelter at matty's place

warnings: description of gaslighting/guilt tripping, mental abuse and toxic behavior in general, hurt/comfort!!

w/c: 1k

a/n: tysm for the request!! i LOVE hurt/comfort so i hope this is alright, i feel like the ratio is off. i let my friend read it and he liked it so here you go

//masterlist//

loud shouting could be heard from the place you once called home. this is no home. it hasn't been in months.

you used to love this place and the person you shared it with.

it used to give you a warm and cozy feeling, like a hot chocolate in front of a fireplace, like a comfy body engulfing you under a thick blanket.

but now whenever you're here an estranging feeling fills your body, terrible thoughts consume your mind. just seeing the person you once loved gives you the ick, it fills you with rage.

but not just that - it's also guilt. you're constantly thinking of what you could've done better or just differently. it's also guilt from the things you just didn't do.

not everything is your own guilt though.

someone you trusted with your life has proven themselves to be a master manipulator and a major guilt tripper.

“you’re making me miserable, why don't you ever care about my feelings?”

but you do.

“you can't say that, not after everything i've done for you!”

everything they did for you?

“i can't live without you. do you want me to hurt myself?”

nothing but big talking.

“if you loved me, you wouldn't do this! i guess you just never cared about us in the first place.”

from all the people, you never cared?

this constant state of fear, the constant feeling of confusion, it's unbearable. everyday is a delicate balancing act, walking on eggshells, trying to avoid any triggers that would cause another outburst of emotions.

even the calm moments are overpowered by the persistent feeling of anxiety. the calm before the storm - as they always say.

you feel trapped - suffocating in a cage, locked away in a musty basement, made from your own self-doubt and guilt.

the person you once loved so dearly has become a stranger. their kindness is replaced by cruelty, their humor is now like rubbing salt into a wound - it makes you question your own worth.

enough with all their toxic palaver. you can't stand it anymore.

everytime you look in the mirror you can see in your own eyes how you're losing your shine. they're dragging you down. with each passing day you feel yourself slipping away, consumed by the endless cycle of manipulation, control and anger.

for once you just wanted some silence.

you know you need to escape, to reclaim your life and most importantly: your sanity. although the whispers of guilt and the fear of the unknown keeps you tethered.

however, there's always hope.

a long and exhausting fight was the last straw. you wait until they go to sleep to go to the bathroom and text your best friend - matty.

“i need you help”

“are you okay? what happened?”

“just pick me up as soon as you can. i need to get out of here”

“I'll be over asap!!”

after 15-20 minutes he text you that he's downstairs. you tell him to come upstairs to help you carry your bags. your most important belongings all packed in bags - scared they'll destroy it once they notice you're gone.

you think about leaving a note behind, but decided not to, they don't deserve this kind of goodbye.

the downtown lights by the blue nile is playing - matty put his ‘hats’ cd in.

you watch the dark buildings pass by. as you drove, the rhythm of passing streetlights and the hum of the engine create a lulling effect, a temporary escape from your turbulent thoughts. the cityscape, a mix of the old and new, felt like a metaphor for your own life - moving forward yet carrying fragments of the past.

finally you arrive and you heave the bags up to matty's own flat. once your hands are empty he embraces you tightly, swaying you around a little.

“you're safe now.” he softly says. as the words strike your ear, a faint smile creeps on your face. it's over now.

“get comfortable on the couch, i’ll bring you some blankets and pillows.”

as he turns around to walk to his bedroom, you start to think: alone on a cold couch. the ticking of his clock would drive you literally insane from your insomnia ridden mind.

“actually-”

matty turns back around, his look is one of curiosity and interest.

“actually, could i maybe…sleep in your bed? just for tonight?” your voice was barely a whisper.

“oh, sure thing! i’ll take the couch then.”

“no i mean…could you stay with me? i just…don't…want to be alone.” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly.

his heart aches when he hears you. just looking at you evokes feelings of pity - you're like a stray puppy. he wants to hold you and tell you that things will get better now. he's certain they will.

he grins. “okay, i’ll stay with you.”

you follow him to the bedroom. since all your stuff is in bags, he gives you some of his clothes - a hoodie and a pair of shorts.

when you come back from the bathroom, now in his clothes, he's already lying in bed. “do you wanna watch something? any comfort movies or series?”

a worn out grin adorns your face. you climb into bed right next to him, telling him what you want to watch.

you snuggle closer, resting your head on matty’s chest, your hand lightly gripping his shirt.

the steady rhythm of his heartbeat is a soothing balm to your frayed nerves.

matty wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in tighter, his fingers tracing absent patterns on your arm.

you're focused on the movie, yet he seems to notice that your mind is drifting off here and there.

“you okay?” he glances down at you, smiling faintly.

you nod, eyes focused on the screen but your mind focused on the warmth and safety you feel in this embrace.

“yeah, this is nice.” you whisper.

after a while, matty's fingers slowly drift up to your hair. he begins to gently play with a few strands, letting them run through his fingers. his touch was tender, filled with care and affection.

for the first time in a long time, you felt a sense of peace.

[yansimstorythatiwillnotworkon]

Colleen Smith

Name: Colleen Smith

Gender: Female

Class: 1-1

Club: Photography

Persona: Teacher’s Pet

Reputation:

Overall: +15

Liked: -10

Respected: +50

Fear: +5

Crush: None

Strength: Incapable

Likes: Justice, Gossip, Solitude, Photography, School

Dislikes: Violence, Socializing, Sport, Martial Arts, Anime

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Colleen is actually one of the really old OCs I made back on my very first yansim account. I didn't do much with her, and I wasn't writing as much, so I never really found any time to write her in. Still, she was meant to be a detective esc character just to be another obstacle for Ayano.

Originally, I had no reason as to why she wanted so badly to find justice outside of "she's probably just a good person". Now, I have some sort of roundabout reason, and that's so that Akademi turns its facade of a good school into an actual good school. At first it was just so her father didn't pull her out of school, but as she continued solving problems and minor mysteries, she eventually starts realizing just how unfair treatment can get in Akademi, and that changed her reason into the "goodness of her own heart" I suppose.

__

(I'm adding this just in case some people can't read the text in the picture. I'll put this in front left-down to right-down.)

1. Due to how strict her father is, Colleen constantly has to lie to him about how great Akademi is so that he doesn't have a reason to pull her out. If she told her dad about the constant bullying (not even just to herself) and isolation, he'd likely force her to homeschool again, and wouldn't let her leave until she was able to provide for herself.

2. Colleen's original goal with dealing with injustices was just to make her claims about Ajademi being a good school more accurate and truthful, but eventually, she began to compare the injustices to her own life. This caused bullying and manipulation at Akademi feel more personal, and she found herself simply wanting to help her peers.

3. Colleen is notorious for being a weirdo. She doesn't get modern slang and usually rejects whatever is new to her, which also makes her "boring" by her peers' standards.

4. The reason why Colleen is so "weird" is because she grew up too sheltered. As she grew older she figured out that her living situation made her stupid to Social norms. So, she eventually was able to make her father let her go to school, and she got accepted by acing an entrance exam.

5. If any sort of foul play occurs in Akademi, she usually finds out who and why it happens in order to keep up Akademi's reputation, and ridding of trouble-makers helps with that.

(I wrote it in a separate order, so it no doubt sounds messier when put this way. I'll make sure to write it differently next time.)

Emile Cappella: To Colleen, Emile spontaneously decided to have a crush on her when she even lacked significantly in just friends. The more Emile attempts to get closer to her, the more skeptical and suspicious Colleen gets. Still, Colleen rationalized that if Emile wa sreally trying to manipulate her, then surely he'd eventually just give uoband leave her alone.

Beruma Dinkuri: Beruma is the least likely to give suspicious people the benefit of the doubt, which is something (along with her distaste for bullying) that Colleen respects about her. If asked, Colleen would likely be too scared to call Beruma her friend out of fear that Beruma won't agree. This is due to the Colleen not having many friends. Still, the two are great partners-in-crime(justice?) when it comes to exposing wrong-doers.

Shiromi Torayoshi: Despite Shiromi's status and relations, Colleen can't help but find her overwhelmingly suspicious. Colleen is one of the very few who has ever seen Shiromi doing suspicious and borderline illegal things, but was never able to get evidence of her doing these things. When Colleen went to Kuroko with her problem, the former nearly begged her not to say anything, ensuring her that Shiromi was being monitored and meant no harm.

[the-writing-mobster]

could we get some group chat hcs about the bf gang 🙏

| Baby Face Boys & Babes HCs! | Group Chat 💬| 💖🤘🏻

If you have any Head Canon requests like this, go ahead and drop them in my inbox. These are so fun to write out, so I'd love some ideas hehe. Also, let me know if you want head canons for specific characters ;)

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Sans: The Lurker

This guy literally made the group chat, and then as soon everyone was added, he muted that shit immediately.

"Nope. This is too much."

Rarely talks in the chat, if at all, but occasionally the boys will see him pop in or see that he's online. Maybe sometimes he'll like something that Nick sent or respond with a thumbs up if you're super lucky.

The guys will start freaking out like; "SANS!? SANS IS HERE!"

Only for him to immediately leave again.

The boys have to DM Sans directly if they really need him to respond or see something.

He just prefers hanging out in person, is all. In person he's the life of the party. He's just nigh impossible to get ahold of.

Nick: The Planner

He actually uses the group chat for its intended purpose: planning in person get togethers and band rehearsals.

Always sending live show flyers or Event invites like "guys we have to go to this thing!" Only for his stuff to get buried under Jonas and Midas's constant spamming.

"I need to just invest in Remind for you pricks."

But because Nick is adamant their plans usually do come to fruition. It's just a matter of herding cats for him.

Some other uses for the group chat:

He sends lyrics and music bytes he writes & records to the chat to hear feedback.

Spreads current politics/news and information about protests, or local organizations to volunteer at.

Jonas: Meme spammer

Exactly as the name suggests. This guy fills the group chat with every meme and Tik tok he happens to find even a little funny.

He is Nick's greatest enemy, because it's always Jonas doing the burying with his silly like jokes. It's not intentional or malicious, he is just easily distracted.

Will always be trying to start a group call so he can just vibe with his friends at all hours of the night.

He and Alphys talk the most to each other. They just yap on and on.

Constantly sending videos of new tricks he learned on the skateboard, only for Midas to tell him he looks goofy.

Midas: The Instigator

This boy liiiiives for the drama.

Anytime Jonas begins sending memes while Nick is trying to plan he'll be like "epic Jonas moment," or "imagine interrupting our supreme leader," or even better, "thank the stars we changed the subject," which never fails to get both Nick and Jonas riled up

Midas just mutes with a shitty little grin on his face as chaos ensues.

It's all in good fun. He's just a much of a hype man as he is everyone's personal menace.

Especially for Maeve.

When Jonas sends videos of him doing a cool trick, Midas does the same trick with a finger skateboard and makes a joke like "mine's way sicker."

The embodiment of this emoji: 😈

Never sends pictures of himself. He never really knows if he can trust cameras with his eyes. It's just a constant thing he has to be conscious of, unfortunately.

Alphys: Chronically online / Talkative

She is the first to open the groupchat any time someone sends anything. Immediate responses.

Some say it's being chronically online, some say it's a crippling fear of being forgotten, either way she's the first to speak.

Double texts like no one's business. No one mind's though, she's just got a lot to say and she's a lot more confident online than irl. Less stuttering.

Will ask if people want to go on a convenient store run with her at 3 am. For some reason, Sans actually responds? (it's because they're both awake. The boys will read over the chats and go insane.)

Is constantly sending pictures of cute girls like "omg, should I talk to her? Should I ask if she's gay? omg"

Only for Midas to be like "why are you taking pictures of random people."

If someone begins venting to the chat she's the one to try ad offer advice and comfort before anyone else.

Maeve: The Tea Spiller

"Guys, you're never gonna believe what happened/who I saw/what I heard--"

"Oh my god, I need to tell my girls!" she says about her groupchat filled with rambunctious boys and a lesbian.

The tea can range from political talk, petty school/subculture scene gossip all the way to, "Oh my stars, I just saw a squirrel steal an acorn from another squirrel! Someone call TMZ!"

She's the first to know about anything going on outside of the friend group.

But also the first to defuse gossip beginning to spread within the friend group.

"Hey, let's not talk behind Sans's back. If you have a problem, you need to go to him. Don't be a coward."

She usually calls Midas down from his gremlin hours and laugh the hardest at Jonas's memes.

All around amazing friend. Always keeps the conversation interesting. LOVE HER!

Bonus:

Frisk: Fit Check!

Sans reared his face in the group chat just to warn them that he was adding Frisk. (He only does this after having a discussion about it with Nick in dms to make sure it's okay and won't be weird)

Frisk doesn't really look at it a lot since she prefers just talking to Sans, but she does enjoy having access to everyone she considers her friends.

Uses the groupchat as a personal hype train. Will send a picture of her trying on a cool alternative outfit at the mall like "what do you guys think? Any suggestions to make it cooler?"

Midas, Nick and Maeve give actual fashion advice, meanwhile Alphys and Jonas are always too busy telling her how pretty she is.

Sans doesn't know how to feel about it... contemplating on kicking her but so far it's been sweet and innocent. He's weirdly more active.

Probably doesn't mean anything.

Hope you enjoyed that! Sorry this took so long to answer lmao, I have severe inbox procrastination sometimes hahaha.

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Here's a lil song I thought fit the mood of these headcanons

[lafcadiosadventures]

Madame Putiphar Groupread. Book Two, Chapter XXXIII

The Parc-aux-Cerfs makes a stage entrance via our disgusting main libertines's secret schemeing meeting (as always, sensitive content is discussed within)

{check my friends and fellow readers's posts as well-> @sainteverge and @counterwiddershins }{pro tip: sainteverge is translating this lexical goliath here, Even if you can read it in french, their verson usually has very interesting footnotes and research you cannot find in the online french versions}

[x]

Not to be redundant but formaly speaking this is one of the theatrical dialogue chapters. Borel makes his dolls talk with each other, the narrator makes zero interventions.

We have the rare pleasure of an intimate glimpse into Villepastour's and Putiphar's secret reunion...

Our two friends (like Saint-Ange and Dolmancé, or Valmont and Merteuil, but even less likeable somehow) are together because Villepastour wants to be paid back for the help he has given Putiphar in the Patrick affair.

Our borelesian libertines are hypocrites. If the sadian duo had their own mansion and boudoir to speak as freely as they wanted and rip as many social conformity masks as they wished, Villepastour and Putiphar do the contrary. Even in private they feign offended morality, especially Putiphar.

She intends to make Villepastour believe Patrick has dishonoured her “up to the waist”. (the “woman pretends to be raped by the guy who rejected her” trope is pretty disgusting, do better Borel) Villepastour humours her and goes off in a rant full of mock puritan indignation. Interesting concepts in his speech are: “contagious” people, who spread their noxious mores among the Court and the City... who are these contagious people? Foreigners? Not really, but Villepastour is keen on demonizing foreigners during this whole chapter. It's Readers of Philosophy, apparently. The Philosophers (aka the french Enlightnement gang, most of whom had been in jail or in exhile) had corrupted France irreparably, causing according to Villepastour, children to need wet nurses out of their own sheer perversion, among other things. The philosophers had gone too far in their attempt to shake off prejudices, they have shaken virtue as well.

(I will always remark how much influence the french enlightenment, CERTAIN TEXTS of the French Enlightenment have had to many romantic authors. Within the petit cénacle, Nerval was a huge admirer of Diderot's Jacques le fataliste, of Rétif de la Bretonne's Parisian Nights, Borel has some Diderotian turns of phrase in Passereau, and names "Jacques" in Medianoche, seems to be in a constant dialogue with some of Rousseaus works in Passereau and in Madame Putiphar... Gautier was an admirer of Diderot's Salons, and followed his conversational and passionate school of art criticism, beging to go against artistic and moral conventions. The Enlightenment is of course, what the Romantics were reacting against, but. Hastag notalllumières. The secret, posthumously published fictions of Diderot, those transgressive texts he didn't dare to publish for fear of being incarcerated a second time, seem like a crucial key to undertsand where some of the interests of the young Romantics came from. He is even part of the inspiration behind Schiller's Rauber, and with it, the Romantic Outlaw trope. Don't sleep on Diderot is what i'm saying, his influence is vast and his secret texts are not what his more divulged writings would lead you to think he is)

That last paragraph about Virtue is interesting because, on the one hand, OH THE HYPOCRISY. You can totally imagine the ironic tones in which these two speak of Virtue, how disgustingly they accuse mere children of being perverse. On the other, it's always interesting to see how the elites will seek for a scapegoat: philosophers in this case. And I also like how Putiphar, who is shown to be a fan of the enlightenmet in previous chapters (owns a Rousseau volume that Patrick uses against her) likes the Philosophes only when they are useful to her (once they go too far in their challenges to her class, she cracks a whip and it's off to jail/exhile for them) Remember how Borel spoke of her being a benefactress to the Philosophes because it gave her power, it provided her with intelligent people who were indebted to her/therefore in her service.

So these two delightful fellas continue their tête-à-tête, the marquis complains about Deborah to Putiphar, he wants her arrested. Why, asks madame Putiphar, when raping her would be so much simpler -she is now alone- and less of a boureaucratic hassle, surely. (men she says, can always triumph over women, “courage, marquis!”, noone is un-rapeable, even if she pretends to be so)(the marquis knows that the fact that Patrick is away is almost irrelevant since Deborah has been more than capable of defending herself, but he conveniently keeps silent.)

So, given that Debby is an “impenetrable” fortress, Madame Putiphar reasures him “don't worry, we will form her” (Putiphar, like the marquis before her and like many Sade characters, insists that sex is a discipline one has to be enlightened on, by force if necesary...)

The marquis does a description of Debby's "English hipocrisy" that is so appealing to frenchmen who are too accustumed to their women's shamelessness, (very hitchcock to truffault's definition of english vs latin beauties core)(but we don't need to go back to the 60's... this stereotype is alive and well)

So Putiphar claims that her Punishment for Deborah will be Educating her, forming her... the Marquis should know by now what she means, but he cannot tell..

Putiphar explains she is worried her enemies are pushing a new favorite to turn the King against Pompadour. She is certain she is not as witty to hold his attention for long, as she has. And the Parc-aux-Cerfs is pretty barren at the moment, only a couple of young girls are being trained in it (and when Borel writes young, he means it, after the first period in which the parc was mostly populated by soldier's widows forced to sexually satisfy the king, the royal person became fearful of syphilis, so he started demanding children, girls aged between 12 and 14 years)(this is all real, Borel has been accused of demonizing Pompadour but she was actually involved in this, at least during the initial period of the Parc, and she was well aware of what happened in it, since it was strategically beneficial for her to be the author of the king's pleasures even if it was by proxy. It is important to recognize that many Romantic novels, while melodramatic and exagerated if you will, root their fantasies in facts and have the intention of denouncing real forgotten horrors from a ruling class that had managed to return to power like reventants, after the french revolution, with no long lasting punishment for their crimes...)

Villepastour is delighted by the perverse perfection of the idea. Pompadour is weary Deborah, being so beautiful and intelligent, will grow ambitious and become a threat.

Villepastour says this is out of the question, since she is a prude and a peniless foreigner (it doesn't follow but ok) her pride is more of a potential threat, but there is no one The Madame cannot break in, Pompadour reasures him. She has tamed the most rebellious of them...

Pomp commands some henchman to kidnap deborah, in the meantime she makes out with Villepastour and invites him to dine with her. Cruelty is the ultimate aphrodisiac, but more importantly, a tool of government.

------

annex:

first hand source on the children of the parc aux cerfs. even this person who intends to rescue the king from very partial anti-royalist historians (Michelet), considers this a reliable, dispassionate source (a source brought to light by Michelet himself)(Michelet accuses the king of being sadistic, wilfully harming the children. The fact that this man thinks it's all good since the children were "not virgins, but sluts" and there are no historical accounts depicting the king hitting them makes it all ok.... is beyond me)

20 février 1756 … …Le roi se livre à la nature, et cherche à se ragoûter par de petites filles très-neuves qu' on lui fait venir de Paris. Il se pique d' emporter des p... de quinze ans. On lui amena, il y a quelques jours, une petite fille de cet âge qui était à peine vêtue ; il s' enrhuma à la poursuivre dans le lit et hors du lit. Cependant, il fait du bien à ces petites créatures, et, s' il se comporte en paillard, il ne fait rien en ceci contre l' honnête homme. L' on dit que le Sieur Lebel, son grand pourvoyeur, est sur le côté, et l' on ne sait qui a procuré sa disgrâce….

Journal et mémoires du marquis d'Argenson Vol. 9. 1755-1757. [2]  publ... pour la Société de l'histoire de France par E.-J.-B. Rathery

[tideswept]

For the writer questions, "What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?" and/or "How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?" (what a fantastic list)

HI DAE~

(from this ask game!)

What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

UM. So this might sound strange, but I read while I write? If I get to the point where my brain starts lagging, or I hit a block, or I'm just Not Happy with what's on the page, I always have a book (or ebook, in this case) open that I'll switch back to for 1-3 pages, because keeping one's nose to the grindstone doesn't work that well when you lose track of everything else, you know? Tunnel vision.

It helps refresh my brain as to what "good writing" is supposed to look like. Varied sentence structure, a reminder to describe the background with more emotional depth, that scene changes can be abrupt, that I'm allowed to summarize events before picking a point to enter a new scene.

I also usually try to match the book to what I'm writing in some way. Is the fic set in 19th century England and skews to gothic horror? So does the book. Otherwise, the change in tone/setting is too abrupt. (For me, anyway.)

It almost feels like being fed encouragement? I dunno. Weird parasocial phase with a book.

How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

Close to absolutely none! I usually just start fics and then feel my way around. I've tried to do prep work, but it doesn't provide good results. I'll get stuck on the research phase forever and never be happy with whatever I write to start off, because I've made the fic already bigger and more important by being armed with so much knowledge, that just starting it becomes a repetitive task of failure, a constant rolling of that boulder.

Mind you, I enjoy research! I just do it while I write. Like, I won't hesitate to stop writing for 20 minutes just to tumble down a rabbit hole of researching when halogen lights were invented, what form they first took, how available they would have been in X country during X time period and how much they cost, all for a tiny, nothing sentence like "the halogen lights flickered over their heads" that impacts nothing in the story if I just omitted that they were halogen lights. So no prep work, but a decent amount of research still happens.

Oh, and, um, if prep work meant more like outlines and such--no. None. The way I describe my process is that when an idea/notion occurs to me, I'll start writing and usually throughout the first couple thousand words I'll hit upon what the fic is, at the core, rather than just me going OKAY SO ANAKIN WANTS TO BREAK INTO PORN-- and suddenly it's about the fear of true intimacy and the raw honesty that you feel when texting a stranger. So, boom, now I have my bones. Everything else, muscles, organs, flesh, they form in pieces as the story takes shape in my head. I'll usually have specific scenes/things I want to happen, but I leave it very loose as to how I get there.

(It's why my bestie and beta knows that when I describe the stage of the process as "light surgery" I'm referring to cosmetic surgery, aka, it's superficial and the very least stage before I'm satisfied with how far I can take a fic, and now it's her turn to check my work. If it's deeper editing that's needed, it's a system of like "superficial skin", "flesh", "muscle" --if I need to edit the organs that's MAJOR rewriting of scenes or removal of them. If I say there's a problem with the bones? That's usually code red for "we need to spend 2 hours discussing where the fic went wrong, why, and how it can be fixed.")

Uh. So I guess now everyone knows I'm weird. Sorry, friends.

[maxbegone]

a vent.

this is just going to be a stream of consciousness, but i'm kind of not doing phenomenal. not even remotely.

i post about it vaguely quite a bit, but there's a lot of tension between my uncle and i right now who has been, for all intents and purposes and for lack of a better term, my "guardian" since my dad passed (which is coming up on four years, holy shit). and, by extension, it's increased tension within my family and my. or, that's at least how i feel things currently are.

i didn't spend thanksgiving with family, and instead went to my friend's which was a safer option. i don't feel safe where i am right now — and i don't mean this in a "my life is at risk" kind of way, but more so in an emotional sense. i'm in a constant freeze state that's only increased in the latter half of this year. my uncle lives on a different level than everyone else; he's well off, his job involves people with too much money to know what to do with, and he's constantly making comments he thinks is funny, or makes comments in front of clients when i head into the office (emphasis on when) to work, such as, "i love her (me), but i want to like her." like. hi, that's not appropriate and all i do is lie down and take it. because you scare me. becuase you're an intense person who is extremely hard to talk to. i will be the first to say that i'm very lucky, and that if he wasn't in my life, i wouldn't have been alright these last few years. but it's getting to a point where i need to start setting a hard and strict boundary. i shouldn't be living in fear that he's going to show up at my apartment to berate me for something. i shouldn't be living in fear, period. and come february, he's kicking me off insurance. i'm turning 26, and what he's doing already is deeply generous, but if i can't find something with benefits, i'm fucked. when it comes to the whole job thing, this has me feeling like i'll wind up settling for something and getting stuck doing something for the rest of my life that will make me miserable. he's constantly making me feel like my life is just...over in less than two months and that i need to have had everything figured out the minute we said goodbye to my dad.

this has made my depression worse than i think it's ever been, i'm in a constant state of stress, and he recently stopped by to see if i was working at my actual job, saw i wasn't there, and then made comments to my managers and coworkers about me that had them really up in arms defending me (things like, "she's never here, give her more hours," blah blah blah that actually had my manager pulling me aside, in tears, to apologize for how he treats me). there are text messages that i have from him stacked up over the years that are really just...heartbreaking. for one, calling me lazy and spoiled the october after my dad died because i was refusing to leave my childhood home and get a move on into my new apartment, all that he sent in the family groupchat. did anyone defend me? no. i'm sorry, i know you all have dealt with loss, but my one parent is now gone and i'm sitting here gripping to every last memory i have of my life prior to all of this. cut me some slack.

there's so much more here. none of this probably sounds coherent and is probably more erratic than anything else. i'm working on all of this in therapy. and as for the "can you write down what you want to say to him" suggestions...no. because i'm not too sure he'll take me seriously. really makes me wonder what my dad would be saying right now.

my uncle scares me because of his intensity. he would never physically hurt me, but emotionally? absolutely. he's just not...aware. he's not aware. and he's caused me to do some things and open up old wounds that i really, really should not be. and once those open, they're hard to close, y'know?

these last few weeks have been awful. i think more about not existing than anything else. i'm lucky if i remember to eat. i'm lucky if i respond to a text message. i'm lucky if i get out of bed before ten in the morning, which is not who i am at all.

i couldn't do therapy this week because my account was overdrawn. i want to get a move on with my life and figure out what it is that i want to do, but i'm getting rejected from jobs or, i'm feeling too under qualified to even attempt to submit my application. everything i want to do feels too risky and i don't want to hear from my uncle about any of my aspirations or decisions. i have therapy scheduled for monday, but this week has basically involved me rotting away and, let's be honest, not taking care of myself. i'm actually debating on doing an everything shower at almost eleven o'clock at night just to feel better.

again. none of this is coherent, i'm sure. i feel so untethered and so disconnected from so many things in my life. i'm neglecting doing some things for the sake of other things. i've hurt myself because of it. i punish myself because this is what i feel i deserve. i want to set myself on fire and restart. like...nothing feels alright. nothing. i don't feel safe within myself, i don't feel safe within my family, despite knowing they care, and the other side isn't an option in the slightest.

i think there is going to be a day very soon where i just completely combust, and i'm not too sure what the results will be.

i'm not ok. i don't know if i ever have been. i don't know if there has ever been a single time in my life where i wasn't stressed. all i feel is inadequate, untethered and completely lost to the wind. i don't know what else to do.

[gripes-withthesun]

some people reblogging that addition with the story about my friends and I gushing over each other behind each other's backs are saying "or you could just say that to their faces" or "this is why you need to tell them instead of keeping it in your mind" but the thing is!! I got to know about it in the first place BECAUSE I was told.

When I exited the staff room after our discussion on the paper presentations I found them talking and they said "we were just talking about how cool you are" and i was like "no way! We were talking last night about how cool you are!" That incident was reassuring because it helped us open up to each other as a friend group too. When I hear a song that reminds me of my friend I text her now and say 'I think I like this song only because I imagine it in your voice'. When I'm at some fun event I text my friend saying 'wish you were here with me'. But the knowledge that our friends don't "secretly hate us" had to come from that incident for me.

Because at the very centre of it is this insecurity that they might lie when they're saying it to our face, they might be saying it to be nice, they might be pretending to like us for whatever reason, they might have liked us once but don't anymore and don't know how to say it, etc etc. And I think it's far more reassuring for a lot of us to know that even when we aren't there, even when there is no impetus to be lying, even then our friends will express their love towards us. Not just to us, but to anyone who will listen. It's a beautiful thing!

And likewise there are so many people tagging the story with how they have a hard time expressing their affection too, or they don't feel ready to gush about someone to their face, and that's not a flaw, that's also coming from the same insecure place of coming off as caring too much, as being too invested, as being too close, as being too "desperate", all of which has been used against a lot of people. Or it's simply a difference in communication styles and love languages. And that's why just knowing that your friends' love for you is still constant and expressed without your presence is reassuring and opens up more avenues to communicate all this in the first place.

Lot of people, especially fellow autistic people👋🏻, who are saying that's not been their experience? That's absolutely valid. Because it hadn't been mine either until I was in college, and it really is hard for neurodivergent and particularly autistic folk when every friendship is a guessing game of when their patience with your lack of social understanding runs out and they start "dropping hints" that they don't wanna be friends anymore but you never pick up those hints. Those insecurities don't just come out of nowhere and that's why it takes us long to feel secure enough in a friendship to both 1) know that our friends love us for realsies and 2) be able to express the sheer magnitude of our own affection without fear of it being another thing for them to mock. It takes time to feel secure in our connections again! And that's okay we're all just trying to find our place and recovering, and that's why incidents like those mean so much to people like us.

Sorry about this getting so long, but tldr: "just tell them they're cool to their face instead!" hasn't worked for many of us because of valid experiences of ostracization. It's a great practice to have to tell your friends you love them! But for anyone who isn't feeling secure enough to do so, it's okay to express affection in other ways. Gush about your friends to other friends! Maybe even with that friend present. Because that first time my friends said "we were just talking about how cool you are" it was said in this casual manner but that opened up the gates for much more ardent and sincere expressions of love

[roadtogracelandx45]

Among Angels|1| Rooster x Hangman x OC

masterlist

@prettyinpayne

North Island 

Bianca Kazansky-Seresin heaved a heavy sigh as she parked her jeep in front of the small on-base house she and her husband Jake were assigned to, she had flown all night from DC where she was on special assignment with JAG and NCIS to San Diego to return to Top Gun for a mission, that for once her father, who served as the Commander of the Pacific Fleet wouldn't spill the beans on. All he said was that Jake and their two best friends from the academy Javy Machado and Natasha Trace were recalled as well. 

And nothing else and it worried her. He had always been able to tell her certain things about her assignments.  Her phone beeped several times in the cup holder causing her to shake her head and look down at the screen.

 Her husband who had arrived before her had gone to Top Deck to get drinks with Javy and was expecting her to be there soon. She laughed and typed out a reply before gathering her bags from the passenger seat and going up to the house. 

The windows in the living room were open and the front door was open behind the screen. 

"The fuck Jake?" She muttered as she fumbled with her keys to get her pepper spray ready to use, "Hello?" 

A strong familiar hey came from the hallway as her estranged lover Bradley Bradshaw came into view. 

"Bradley? What the fuck are you doing here?" She asked stepping into the house, her fear replaced by anger. 

"Bee, I can explain." "You can explain?! You swore up and down and on your parents' graves you would never  leave me and you did." 

He held up his hands in defense, "I can explain if you just listen." Bianca scowled and crossed her arms under her chest, "You have 5 minutes, Bradshaw, and if I don't like what you are saying, I am going to throw you out on your ass and call the MPs on you." 

 The older Bradshaw nodded his head in agreement, he knew Bianca would call the MPs on him. She had been 13 when she called them on Maverick after he had gotten into a fight with not him but Ice. 

He stepped forward and went to put his hands on her forearms but she took a step back. "Talk." She ordered. 

"Jake was right." He started shifting his position, every part of him was crying out to take her into his arms and hold her but he knew better. "I was scared of making that jump, that commitment to him. To you. Every time I talked myself into asking you to marry me, I chickened out and went back onto my perch."

A strangled coughing laugh escaped her and she quickly lowered her eyes, 'I would expect that bullshit excuse from Maverick, Bradley, not you. You are more of a man than he is. Tell me the truth  after everything we have been through, I deserve at least that."

"I know and I am sorry Bianca, I am, I have regretted it every single day since I left you two at the Ranch. I let my fears and hurt take over and control my actions." He took tentative steps towards her, "For years, you are the only one that I ever thought of." 

Unwillingly, Bianca raised her eyes to meet his dark ones. "I had made up my mind when I got on the plane to come out here to take you to your junior prom, that I was going to make you mine, regardless of Roger." He went on, his feet carrying him towards her, "I knew you were meant to be with me. And then you met Jake at the academy."

 "It was love at first sight for you too Bradley, and don't tell me it wasn't. I saw how you two were when you came up to get me on Christmas Break. And he showed me the texts when we got back on campus." 

His mouth twitched like he wanted to offer up excuses.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was just as guilty as you. Jake has that ability. That doesn't explain why you left us like that. It destroyed us." Her eyes searched his, "It felt like we lost a part of us. A huge part of us. It took us almost a year to bounce back."

 Feeling encouraged by the constant eye contact, he stepped forward and finally pulled her into him. "I am sorry, I am more like Maverick than I thought. I was scared of losing you for good to Jake and losing him in general. We almost lost each other when you went down in flight school."

"Don't talk about that." She mumbled,  she hated that her plane going down in the jet stream in flight school got brought up and how they all blamed Jake for leaving her. Yes, she understood why everyone was upset, she was upset too but she found it in her heart to forgive him because she couldn't be away from him. He looked like a sad puppy standing outside of their shared townhouse and she couldn't help herself. It caused the first major fight that she and Bradley ever had. But in the end, he understood and for the most part, felt the same way. 

 "It's true though B, you went down, what if you couldn't eject like my dad? You could have broken your neck and died in the water." 

 "Hey, hey Bradley, baby.' She commented, grasping a hold of him and pulling him into her. "I am here, I am okay." 

He pulled her into him tighter, trying to get rid of that fear that had risen up. 

While she was working  in DC and had access to the records. She wanted to see what happened with the accident that claimed Goose's life and drove Maverick away and what happened to Duke Mitchell.

The grandfather that she never knew.   For herself but now that information was going to the grave with her. 

"The only way you will lose me is if you push me away again, you already pushed me away once, you aren't going to do that again. Other than Jake, Papa, and Teej, you are the most important man in my life." 

He nodded his head and pressed his forehead against hers, "I am so sorry." 

She laughed softly, her heart making up its mind for everything else, "Bradley, take me to bed." 

**

Jake was growing steadily impatient, he had texted his wife over an hour ago to come to the bar but she had yet to come or reply to his message. She must have laid down in bed and fallen asleep, it was a long flight from DC to San Diego and he knew that she was ushered up to Iceman's house to see him and the younger Kazansky. 

Father and brother came first, and husband came last, especially when the father was the Commander of the Pacific fleet. And a lot of the time he was okay with it because they were normally deployed together and had endless time together. 

"Still no reply from the wife?" Javy asked as he handed him the darts. 

"No, she probably fell asleep.' He returned before glancing at the bar feeling the eyes on him, the older man sitting at the bar looked familiar, but he just couldn't put his finger on where he had seen him before, his train of thought was cut off by his phone going off repeatedly in his pocket, he pulled it out and looked at the screen. 

On it was a series of messages from Bradley Bradshaw. 

"The fuck?" He muttered while sliding to unlock his phone, on the screen, were pictures of his wife and the man himself in various states of undress. 

"What?" Javy asked leaning over to look at the screen causing the blonde man to lock the screen. Yes at one point in time Javy had seen Bianca naked but that was when they were in the academy and drunk as sin times were different, they were married and there had only been one man that he ever would share his wife with and it looked like he was back in their lives. And he wasn't sure how to feel about it. Like Bianca, he had mourned the loss of Bradley in their relationship and it felt like they had some sort of peace now and this was going to turn everything on its head again. 

"Bianca," He started, "I was right, she laid down and fell asleep, she will be in soon." He slipped his phone back into his pocket and willed himself not to think about what Bradley was doing to his wife right now. It would come later when they were back in their small house. 

**

"Bianca is back too." Ellie commented as she joined Penny's side, "She is coming in soon." 

Maverick almost knocked his beer over, it had been a surprise when he had seen her picture up on the screen next to Bradley's, with a hyphenated last name on her uniform and her own stats up. He knew that she was as good as him and Ice but not that good. 

He had always thought that she belonged behind a desk like Ellie did at JAG or like Maggie did at the commander's office. But Bianca was too much like Ice and too much like him to be at a desk. 

"Did she get married?" The two blondes behind the bar exchanged a look and then glanced at the blond man who was now shooting pool.

 "She got married over a year ago, she has been with Jake since the academy days," Ellie answered twisting the towel in her hands around, she had been a part of the wedding party and walked down the aisle with Bradley and hoped against all hope that he would truly be with after the wedding and for the first few days after he broke it off, he was. But just like that he was gone.

And she was left to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. 

"What happened to her and Bradley?'' 

"That's something that you are going to have to talk to her about Dad." She answered before inclining her head to Natasha and the other two pilots that were behind him. 

'Well, what do we have here Coyote?!' Jake's voice rang out, "If it ain't Phoenix." 

"I don't know what she sees in him," Ellie complained like Natasha couldn't figure out why her sister loved the cocky man. 

"I do, he is a lot like Ice when he was younger and a lot like Pete." Penny returned before turning back to where Jake was standing at the bar ordering more beers and Redbull and Vodka for his wife who had messaged him again to tell him they would be there soon. 

**

Bradley grasped Bianca's wrist in his hand and pulled her to the driver's side of the Bronco, he wasn't about to let her go, not when he just got her back. "We have to keep this undercover until you and Jake work this out. Then I am all yours." "Fine.' He huffed before kissing her deeply causing her to whine. "Let's make this quick."  He helped her out of the Bronco and started steering her towards the building. 

Their eyes found Jake at the same time surrounded by girls. 

'Bradshaw is that you!" Natasha's voice called from the pool table. 

"Go, I am going to see him." She returned standing up on her toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek before starting to go over to her husband's side, pausing briefly when she saw Maverick sitting on the other side of the bar by himself nursing a beer.

Shaking it off, she slipped through the other patrons to her husband's side.

 "Hey, you.' She greeted Jake, causing him  to turn around and smile, "Hey." He smirked, winding his arm around her waist and pulling her into him. "Have fun?" 

"All the fun." She returned, "Missed you though."

 "All of me?" 

"All of you." She confirmed as he leaned in and kissed her, groaning slightly at the familiar taste of Bradley in her mouth. 

"Bianca." Maverick's voice came pulling the two apart. 

"Do you know him?" Jake asked, looking between his wife and the older pilot. 

"No, I think he went to Top Gun with the Commander though." She answered. 

"Hi, Penny." She leaned across the bar and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Ever since Charlie and Carole passed away, Penny and Sarah, the Kazansky's next-door neighbor, stepped in to help Mother Bianca in any way possible. 

To the point where Penny and Sarah were de facto Mothers of the Bride and Amelia served as a junior bridesmaid at Bianca and Jake's wedding the year before. 

"Good to see Bee, is everything good with Ice and Little Ice?" The bar owner asked holding the cocktail glass out. 

"Good, Tommy is growing like a weed." She answered as Jake's fingers traced a pattern across the silver of skin that was visible between the tank top and jean shorts that she had put on. "I almost had to spend the night up there. He didn't want sissy to go.' 

Maverick and Ellie didn't miss the proud tone in Bianca's voice, the older Kazansky sibling had been in her second year at the academy when Ice had gotten a surrogate and had Tommy. She had been so excited to have a sibling that was fully hers and she didn't have to fight for Ice's attention. Turning her attention back to her husband, "I did permission to take him up after this is over. Papa can't do it."

"Why can't he?" Maverick cut in as Bianca picked up her glass but his daughter never turned her attention to him. 

Jake smirked, ever since the younger Kazansky was old enough to walk, it had been discussed who would take him up since the Navy and Bianca would never let Ice fly again after he got sick with throat cancer.  He and Bradley both knew it was going to be Bianca but it still didn't stop them trying to get little Ice on their side.  

Picking up on how uncomfortable she was getting, Jake gathered the beer bottles off of the bar, "Much appreciated, Pops." "Thanks, Pops." She echoed before letting Jake lead her back towards the jukebox.

 "Go say hi to Trace before she loses her mind." He muttered, "I will be over in a minute."  She nodded her head before slipping away from him and over to where her best friend was.

 "It's about time you get over here," Natasha complained moving the pool stick to the other hand so she could hug her. 'Sorry, you know how Jake gets when I don't see him first.'  Bianca returned, "He was already going to come undone that I didn't come right here."

 "I can see why." The dark-haired girl teased her eyes picking out the love bites and hickeys that were littering the shorter girl's neck and collar bone, 'Have fun with Bradshaw?" 

"I don't kiss and tell, Nat. You know that." She returned as Javy came over and kissed her cheek in greeting, "Good to see you, Bee."

 "You too Jay." She returned, "I actually missed your ugly mug."

  "Bradshaw as I live and breathe.”

 "Hangman," Bradley returned looking him up and down, "You look good."

  " Well I am good Rooster, I'm very good. In fact I am too good to be true." 

Bianca groaned and dropped her chin down, this was just like her husband to do this. It was always who had the bigger dick between Bradley and him. 

"They don't change, do they?" Natasha whispered as she shook her head.

 "Not at all. But I wouldn't have them any other way." 

"So," Started the man that was sitting behind Bianca and Natasha, "Anyone know what this special detachment is all about?"  

Most eyes turned to Bianca who shrugged her shoulders, "The Commander was mum about it." 

 "A mission's a mission, they don't confront me." Jake started as he rounded the pool table, what I wanna know who is going to be team leader. And which one of y'all has what it takes to follow me?"  

"Shut up." She hissed under her breath looking between her husband and Bradley, things always happened like this.

"Hangman the only place you will lead anyone is to an early grave." Bradley shot.

"God damn it.' 

"Bee." Natasha turned to her friend, worried, normally she would just let them go but something was different this time.

"I am fine." She returned, and she wasn't fine, she had found out while she was visiting her father that his cancer could be returning and that he wanted to go over his will with her and with Ellie. And then seeing Bradley for the first time in over a year and her father for the first time in almost 3 was a lot.

"Well, anyone who follows you is just going to run out of fuel. But that's just you, ain't it, Rooster?"

 "Jake, stop it," Bianca warned. 

"Just waiting for the right moment that never comes." Annoyed and hurt, Bianca went around her friend towards the bathroom.  "I love this song." His voice carried as he followed his wife. 

**

"Bianca, stop." 

"Why do you have to do that every single time we are together, Jake?" She shot as she span around to face him, 

"You always have to get those digs in."

 "It was harmless, baby, really." He returned, stepping towards her. 'Nothing you do is harmless. Especially when it comes to me. And it comes to him." 

His hands caught her waist and pulled her to him. "Maybe, I am just a little jealous that he got you before I did. I am used to having you for myself."

"Well get used to him being back, I don't think he is going to give us up without a fight." She returned. "Good thing, I am up for a challenge." He went to kiss her but was stopped by the ringing of the bell by the bar. "Go,' She said, "I am going to go back to Nat and Javy, it's been awhile." He nodded his head and squeezed her ass before going towards the bar. 

"Bee! Come on!' Natasha called from the piano where Bradley was at.

"Coming!' She called before weaving in and out of the crowd towards the group around the piano. For now, she was going to enjoy seeing her friends and being with Bradley and her husband, everything else could come tomorrow when they return to Top Gun and to this secret detachment.