#was looking at some older art earlier and WOW ive gotten better

[nonbinary-catboy]

before the new episode comes out here is my slightly updated Cecil design

[leviathiane]

SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

[piamii]

Maybe I, I can never fly 저기 저 꽃잎들처럼 날갤 단 것처럼은 안 돼 Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky 그래도 손 뻗고 싶어 달려보고 싶어 조금 더이 어둠 속을 그냥 걷고 또 걷고 있어 행복했던 시간들이 내게 물었어 너 넌 정말 괜찮은 거냐고 Oh no 난 대답했어 아니 나는 너무 무서워 그래도 여섯 송이 꽃을 손에 꼭 쥐고 나 난 걷고 있을 뿐이라고 Oh no But it’s my fate It’s my fate 그래도 발버둥치고 싶어

Maybe I, I can never fly I can’t fly like the flower petals over there Or as though I have wings Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky Still, I want to stretch my hand out I want to run, just a bit more

I’m just walking and walking, among this darkness My happy times asked me this question You, are you really okay, it asked me Oh no I replied, no, I’m so afraid Still, I hold the 6 flowers tightly in my hands I, I’m just walking, I said Oh no

But it’s my fate It’s my fate Still, I want to struggle and fight

this song has made me cry many times... i’m still astounded that jin was able to tell part of his story through this song.. the fact that he was able to give voice to his struggle is amazing and it inspires me every day these thoughts about jin have been a few weeks in the making and i think i need to process this in order to move forward into postdoc properly. because i feel like jin is no longer who he was when Awake came out, even though his feelings were very real and will always be a part of his story. i will always cherish Awake in a special way even though i really like all the members and all the different eras of BTS. in the same way, the feelings that plague me now about this new year will not be around forever, they will eventually fade as i continue to choose to struggle and conquer each coming day, and be a beautiful part of the narrative that fell upon me as postdoc in my overall arc of growth and becoming an adult

because im a new bts fan, ive been trying to catch up with all the content from 6 years and trying as best i can to go in order so i can understand the progression, i’m still in 2013 hip hop era when jimin was the cutest mushroom alive and jin was pretty much in the background of everything. like in AHL he didn’t really get much chance to improve his singing or dancing other than in Jenny Kita’s challenge when hoseok taught him. im a much more sensitive person than most but i think anyone would be bothered being highlighted as the worst dancer over and over again anyways, before i listened to awake, i was like: who is this jin guy? why does he keep calling himself handsome? does he even do anything?

after i heard this song, i got mad because i started listening to all the bts songs i knew and rewatching the MV’s and realized that jin had very little lines. i found myself asking myself - hmm, why does jungkook/jimin always get the opening/catchiest parts of the song? (i understand, they are the best at singing+dancing simultaneously, etc). taehyung as well but less so. i started listening to jin’s lines a lot and trying to analyze whether he had a good voice, etc etc.  i can undrstand in 2013 when bts had a much more harsh, hip hop vibe, jin’s voice didn’t suit their sound at all... plus he honestly did not know how to dance. JK+JM+V could all belt to suit the BTS sound at the time. i haven’t gotten too much farther than 2013 era yet so i dont know how their sound evolved to the way it is now. i’ve listened to a good portion of the bts world soundtrack and it’s kinda crazy that they’ve gotten to this point soundwise it definitely seems like jin has gotten much more recognition lately, i don’t follow the fandom closely so i don’t really know if it’s equivalent to the other members now HOWEVER i think if we zero in on the period of time in which awake came out, we find jin in this very painful section of his life. it’s clear that he loves being around his groupmates very much and yet he is constantly struggling In many of the earlier vids, jin is definitely silly whenever he gets a chance and continues to take care of everyone (e.g., cooking, etc), but he doesn’t seem carefree or happy like some of the others. it’s interesting to watch 2013 stuff because even suga/jimin/v all seem much more hyper and giggly and cute than the few things i’ve seen from more recent. mostly the recognition he gets on the earlier shows and such is getting called out for being a bad dancer. [which is why i was happy that Jenny Kita praised him for improving so much in the dance challenge] i think the reason why i love jin so much is because, first, i really like all the members of bangtan. namjoon and suga, lyrical geniuses with very cute and quirky personalities, i could continue but this rant is about jin. jimin, my gateway drug into BTS, just amazing in every sense of being an artist. jungkook, excelling at every part of what he does since day 1 of BTS, all while being simultaneously innocent, unassuming, and confident at the same time. V, sultry voice impulsive cute boy who is incredibly silly, bright, and talented. and hoseok, the light of the group, well-rounded as hell, bringing the energy and the smiles and just an incredible dancer. i like jin because it was really hard to tell what jin was about from the beginning. i have yet to unravel the narrative that bts’ journey has painted about jin since i’m taking my time getting through the content, but listening to jin’s live solo performances & some of their more recent performances with substantial jin parts like dimple, i can see how much he’s IMPROVED. on youtube comments for jin’s live performances, people have said that jin has the most stable voice out of the vocal line. and i absolutely agree at this point. i’m remembering his voice during the Rookie King karaoke room; his voice was incredibly sweet and had so much potential back then, and it seemed like noone really saw it, because his voice was very unpolished and quiet. also, i think that, jin being the oldest in BTS didn’t quite match with the image his vocals projected of being sweet and pure as compared to JK + V’s deeper and more soulful vocals. however, it was that sweet and bright quality that Awake and his cover I Love You make me instantly cry, combined with his increased strength and precision with his voice that he’s gained over time. JK+JM+V have incredibly strong vocals but i feel that they’re not quite as precise as jin’s vocals are now. like when JK does his cover of Charlie Puth’s song, i was a little disappointed because he doesn’t execute the same level of precision as Charlie Puth. JK is an INCREDIBLE vocalist and his live vocals knock me out dead, but i think he, too, has his strengths and weaknesses. i actually think that Jin’s voice suits a song like We Don’t Talk Anymore much better than JK’s. also, like i said, jimin was the member who originally got me into BTS. i think songs like serendipity just show how masterful he is as an artist and how much he’s grown as well, from little mushroom boy to seductive dance master. at face value i think jimin is much more immediately likeable than jin when you factor in vocals, dance, and stage presence.

BUT ... i love jin because of his growth as an artist. I haven’t gotten to learn much about his personality/character development yet, but as far as i can see, he has improved immensely as an artist. like M tells me sometimes, he thinks that although i’m smol in a lot of ways, he thinks that my ceiling of growth as a person is very high. i guess, because i can see aspects of myself in jin, his story is inspiring to me. because he struggled endlessly with things that he had no experience in, he can now look back and see how far he has come, and his fanbase also sees that as well. he’s not just a handsome face. i know his growth as a singer and dancer is just one piece of him, but it is a piece that speaks to me, and it is a piece that is undoubtedly very important to his story as a person. i think this growth is encompassed in the story of Awake and Epiphany. 6 YEARS IN THE MAKING SO FAR. even more so when you think about their time as trainees and such. and he is undoubtedly a different person than he was back then, a different person even when BTS came out with Wings. as i am starting postdoc and actually terrified out of my mind, i keep thinking back to who i was when i started grad school, which is incidentally right around the period of time in which i’m currently watching BTS content. it’s kind of a nice parallel to observe jin (and others) in their previous dynamic, almost exactly 5 years ago, when i started grad school. when i started graduate school, i was 100% a smol bean. terrified by any social situation but too prideful and unaware to admit it, terrified by the prospect of doing clinical work, not really even sure if i wanted to be in grad school but it seemed like the natural step. when i think about the recurring theme of dreams that comes up in BTS songs, i don’t think i’ve ever had a dream. maybe singing or art at one point, but I think i always knew my personality would be a hindrance to doing anything seriously in those realms.  when i think about who i was in 2014 compared to now, i’ve grown into a titan. i look at the 2014 me and think a lot of negative thoughts about who i was back then, undoubtedly like probably anyone would when they look at themselves from 5-6 years ago. like how could you have been that scared and inexperienced? how could you have been so behind compared to others? why didn’t you put yourself out there more? all the while on the outside, wow, i’m in grad school, i made it, i’m doing good! i like to think that based on the narrative that bts has painted that they would maybe look back at themselves from 5-6 years ago and maybe think somewhat of the same. i feel kind of lame thinking that because 3 of them are so much younger than me, but i know it’s definitely not out of the realm of possibility. i dont know if jin ever had any thoughts like this, but i feel like i would have been comparing myself to the maknaes, thinking, why am i like this when i’m so much older than them. i don’t know how he kept working hard after all this time and became the amazing singer he is now. his effort is obvious now when you hear him sing. he’s not just my favorite BTS member because he works hard. all of them work hard. he’s my favorite because he worked hard and he finally succeeded, even when he started from somewhere behind the starting line compared to the other members. i think of myself in this way somewhat too, being introverted and socially anxious and HSP, i fight myself through every day to keep going, wondering why i am trying so hard for something i’m not naturally good at.  I think the reason why i love jin is because, of all the members, he makes me think, “if he can do it, i can do it, too.”