#was just watching Futurama and went ‘huh’ at this line

[kneesofpoultry]

Cersei: Quit standing up for yourself, Jaime. When we get back to King’s Landing we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship!

Jaime: Oh, yeah? Well, listen to this: (whispering) I'm leaving you

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 17: 2x26 Assignment: Earth

Finally finished up S2 of TOS yesterday. That was... a rough episode tbh. I’m just gonna say it: back door pilots are bad! They’re bad. If I wanted to watch that other show, I’d watch it.

Wow, they’re just really jumping right in, huh? “Here we are, on a routine mission into the past, using a time travel method that we invented nbd.”

Investigating desperate problems in the year 2020...2016.... no wait 1968.

Ooh, Spock in the transport room today. Does he have a whole extra random station there? That’s so weird; I’ve never seen that before. It’s like hidden in the corner.

Cat!! Cat!!

What a good actor. I’m still bitter that wikipedia has a whole section about the casting for “Isis the cat” that talks entirely about the human who played Isis for 2 minutes and nothing about the talented feline actor. Where did they find her? How did they teach her to act?

She has a lot of thoughts about Kirk.

I wrote down “Scully, you’ve got to see this” in my notes and I’ve already forgotten what it refers to lol. Some moment that I thought would fit well with my favorite x-files meme.

Change history, you say? Spock is intrigued. ...Admittedly, Spock is often intrigued.

“What if it turns out you’re an invading alien from the future?” Honestly...let him invade. You’re not supposed to be here anyway.

I’m pretty insulted by this. The aliens went through all this trouble to help in 1968...where are our alien helpers NOW?

The cat straight up attacked his face.

Kirk is so fond of Spock being fond of the cat.

“It’s a lovely animal. I feel myself strangely drawn to it.”

Kirk is way too confused by Seven--an allegedly human person with super-human abilities that he says come from aliens--and yet, he’s met Charlie X so??? Is this not the same?

Kirk’s got the whole crew checking in on zoom.

(I actually do like this sequence of him getting video calls from different parts of the ship.)

“Weren’t orbiting H-bombs a huge problem in 1968?” Looks at the camera like he’s on The Office. Not the subtlest bit of writing in the “social commentary” genre. I do say this with love, though. I always enjoy when they comment on contemporary problems.

“He has a totally perfect body.” Lol don’t distract these two bisexuals.

[soft meowing]

“The prisoner has escaped.” The way this is shot, it looks like he’s talking about the cat.

Hmm, I do love the decor. Very 60s. This honestly immediately feels like a different show, and a much more dated show; even when the Enterprise time travels, it tends not to time travel to... office space.

Love the little sounds the computer makes.

So is Isis supposed to be one of the fancy aliens? It’s never explained but one must assume she is.

Aw, he’s petting her paw.

So I assumed the cats sounds are real, but just dubbed. They’re not lol. Which I guess isn’t surprising: this cat makes a lot of noises! They were provided by a human voice actress.

Damn.... I want a secret bookshelf that turns around to reveal a super computer with a big screen. “Computer... play Netflix.”

That’s what Seven does in his spare time.

The computer is an AI. “Beta 5 snobbery” lol.

Where are OUR alien overlords to stop US from destroying ourselves before WE can mature into a peaceful society?

This is really masterful exposition lol. Not forced or awkward at all.

ST sure does love the snooty female computer trope.

“Get us the proper costumes.” Yes, get Spock his Requisite Hat.

Omicron IV....that’s one of the names they use in Futurama lol. Such nerds.

Another excellent Spock Hat.

I love Seven’s various IDs. Great style. I wish my driver’s license looked like those.

“Who do you think you are?” He hasn’t decided yet. That’s why he was shifting through his IDs.

Seven is not smart lol. Like, he should have figured out way faster that this lady isn’t one of the Alien Overlords. He asks her the code question, she doesn’t understand it, and he... assumes she’s just really in character? Dude, that’s what the code questions are for!!! To help you identify people! Otherwise you could just straight up ask: are you an alien?

Instead he’s like “oh, you silly alien, you’re playing with me,” and then is forced to trap her, reveal his whole mission, and ultimately ensnare her in his plan.

I want that typewriter. Voice recognition typewriter.

"My incompetence has made you aware of very secret devices." Well at least he knows.

Trained cat!

The alien overlords were killed in a random car accident. That’s ironic.

Oh look, a real rocket!

Brown pants + short sleeved shirt + tie is such a Classic 60s look.

This security guard doesn’t think it’s weird that this random dude has a cat with him? Is this part of Isis’s alien power?

Except for the part where it’s a weapon, it’s pretty cool to see all this build up to, like... launching stuff into space. Exciting.

Isis likes to be on shoulders. Just like Little Guy.

New hat for Spock. His outer wear hat, and now his fancy hat. There is something to be said for this ep, and that is Kirk and Spock in suits.

Amazing how they literally launched rockets with computers that old. Like seeing the big bank of primitive computers is totally wild. We put people on the moon that way! Amazing.

“Meow.” Lol, Isis is stressed so she’s speaking like a cat. That’s a pretty funny joke actually.

Seven is so incompetent. If he’d just let the Enterprise help, Scotty could have fixed that rocket issue in like 3 seconds.

Lol everyone’s just pulling Gary through space. Now on the Enterprise. Now in the office.

Why does this computer have a hug black screen if it only displays images on the small white circle?

"Spock and  I in custody. Main characters, doing nothing, knowing nothing, totally useless and irrelevant. I have never felt more helpless." Literally what is even the point of them today? Does Spock even have lines outside of “I like the cat”?

Isis is jealous of Roberta. Is she.. in a relationship with Seven lol?

Uhura is listening to everyone in the world. She probably has a universal translator on, but I do feel like this scene implies she just...understands all the languages.

So now the warhead is armed and heading to somewhere vague... in other words, everyone has collectively made the situation worse.

....Or this was Seven’s plan all along? To scare people into ceasing to be so careful with nuclear weaponry? As someone who knows humans better than this guy, I think this is a dumbass plan.

“That’s why so many people in my generation are kind of crazy and rebels.” Same, sweetheart.

Really this is just a story about bad communication. If Seven had told Kirk his plan upfront, Kirk would have helped him. And if Kirk weren’t so insistent on involving himself in something just because he happens to be somewhere he probably shouldn’t be, we wouldn’t have this issue either. The hubris of everyone.

Overall, just a really forced narrative imo.

Or that’s how it was supposed to be lol. The Irony of time travel. By it’s nature, everything has already worked out.

Kirk and Spock are like “You’re welcome. Peace out.”

Honestly... Isis was the only good part. Such a talented cat actor!! Or trio of cat actors, I guess. Had to do all those stunts and stuff.. .amazing. I also liked the concept of Isis. How she turned into a human later just to troll Roberta. How she’s never really explained--one must assume, an alien? Plus I pretty much never get tired of human + animal teams where the animal makes animal noises and the human just understands and answers in English.

As a stand alone sci fi concept...it was okay. Kinda dated by now. The alien tech was nifty and Roberta could have grown on me. Maybe even Seven, though he left a lot to be desire. That said, the narrative relied a lot on people getting in each other’s way for no reason, which I find very frustrating.

But as a Star Trek episode....no. The main characters were just nuisances on the side lines!! I’m not even sure what Kirk’s mission here was--to try to figure out what Seven was doing? And stop him if necessary? But he never really decided if it was or not, until the point where not trusting him would basically cause a nuclear war? I don’t know, I found it all very frustrating. The melding of the original show and the spinoff was not smooth.

If I were watching this in 1968, I’d feel very cheated. THIS was the season finale? That’s it? I don’t even get a real Star Trek episode and now I have to wait months for anything new?

And what I get after all that waiting is Spock’s Brain?? I’d be tempted to quit. If I had a tumblr in 1969 I’d be writing multi-paragraph rants about how the best show on television has completely nose-dived lol.

But then there’s The Enterprise Incident, which is one of the best episodes... I don’t know, man. It’s a conundrum. I’ve only seen maybe half of season 3 but from what I remember it’s very uneven: some of the best eps (The Enterprise Incident, For the World Is Hollow, Day of the Dove) mixed in with some of the worst (Spock’s Brain, The Paradise Syndrome), plus some that are good concepts but shoddily executed (The Way to Eden). So we’ll see what I think about it when I see it all in one piece, in air date order.

[monkey-network]

Two Cent Riffs: My Little Pony Movie, BAYBEE

#BackAtItAgain #TSPOILERS #PonyCinemassacre

Julien: Why is it “The Movie”? It can just be “My Little Pony”. We all should know this version and the superior version that was the 80s. Roy: Excuse me? Julien: Hey, the Smooze song made that movie for me.

Roy: Man, I’ll never stop liking stain glass windows. Julien: Hold up. Twilight has wings? ...Okay, I have missed a lot apparently. Roy: Yeah, but it’s nothing to worry............. Julien: I can sense a pause. What’s up? Roy: Oh, I’m just getting flashbacks....of people bitching online [shudders]

Julien: AH YES, MOVE the sun, and MOVE it back. Roy: Doesn’t seem like a big deal for this celebration. We’re just depriving people from some possibly needed sunlight and fucking with the tides to sooth the feng shui of it. Julien: Can I call the “Pony Privilege” card?

Julien: Huh, I forgot Applejack existed. Roy: She’s a main character, bruh. Julien: Yeah, it the background. Am I right lads, or am I right lads? Dom: “You’re all right, lad.” Julien: Cheers lad.

Roy: Guess we know which couple’s getting the focus this time. Julien: Do we really have to ship right now? Roy: It’s been 7 years, dude. Fans practically learned about “shipping” thanks to this show. Julien: Hmm...that sounds pitiful, but I’ve wanted Princess Bubblegum to melt on Marceline since the beginning so what can I say?

Julien: Looks like Pinkie had her climax.

Roy: Okay, I’m all for Sia pony here (does have a lovely voice), but are there any rapper ponies? Julien: They’re an underground niche of pony musicians after 2Pon and Biggie bit the bullet. Roy: What about DJ Pon-3? Julien: Dub is not rap, brother.

Roy: Bowser’s back?! Julien: And we’re only what...12 minutes in? That’s an academy record. Shit, this movie’ll be over in a blink.

Julien: Okay, I’m liking this new villain here. Design wise, very coordinated. Color scheme is on point. Roy: I just wonder how she’ll be forgiven. Julien: Come on, man. Villains aren’t always meant to be redeemed. Roy: Ye, you need watch the rest of the show.

Roy: Oh no, all the other 3D piloted ships are slowly coming this way. Julien: Yeah, Futurama’s done better.

Julien: Oh shit, that is a fucking sweep down and over Pele kick. Roy: She would be great in WWE.

Julien: Well there goes two of the most powerful ponies in this series. Roy: Well hold on. Maybe Celestia, and Luna are only powerful in the fields or cutie marks they’re given. Like yeah, they’re powerful, but only in raising the sun and moon and whatever Cadence does. So really, they probably couldn’t beat Tempest’s rock spells as much as any powerful unicorn could have... Julien: So, they were useless to begin with? Roy: Kinda, yeah.

Roy: Hey, it’s Crissy. Julien: Wha? I thought her named was Derpy. Why Crissy? Roy: Oh no, Derpy is her name; won’t deny that. But Crissy’s just short for Criss Cross, like her eyes that are the ONE DEFINING TRAIT FOR HER EXISTENCE. It feels like a better name, you know? Julien:...You got me there. That does sound better.

Julien: WELL, after a daring escape via a gigantic waterfall, now they’re on their way to go seek the hippos. Roy: Hippogriffs. Julien: Goddammit man! *sigh* I mean what if they were hippos and I could actually see some awesome hippos in this movie or show?....Fuck, you know?! Hippos are cool. They’re big, strong, and awesome and you jus- *sigh* tch, you’re a bastard. Roy: Jesus man, I’m sorry. Julien: No, I’m sorry but it’s like...I just think hippos are neat is all.

Roy: Oh snap. It’s Ray Donovan. Julien: Okay, this may be a screenshot, but I could already tell Liev Schreiber was tap dancing for his check and was just having a blast doing so; like Jason Mamoa in the Justice League movie.

Julien: How I feel about Michael Pena. Roy: Come on, he’s got his good roles. Julien: Name one that’s memorable. Roy: Well..........................................................

Julien: Woo, that place looks like shit. How come the ponies haven’t help them out, they could spare the resources. Roy: Maybe the town didn’t want any help? Julien: Dude, no. How can just ignore a town that looks broken down, industrial, probably impoverished, smoggy, with some pretty disgusting water surrounding it? HOW can any pony worth their riches just ignore this practically desolate area while continuously celebrating whatever they want? Roy: Let’s....never mind all that.

Roy: Oh no, 1/5 of the fanbase. ⁽ᵂᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ʲᵒᵏᶦⁿᵍ. ᵀʰᶦˢ ˢᶜᵉⁿᵉ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦˢᵗˢ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᵒʷⁿˢᶠᵒˡᵏ ˡᶦᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ᶜʳᵒʷᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒⁿᶦᵉˢ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵘʸ ᵃⁿᵈ/ᵒʳ ᶜᵒˡˡᵉᶜᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ. ᴬⁿᵈ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ʷᵉ ʳᵉˢᵖᵉᶜᵗ ᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵘᵐᵉʳ ᶠᵃⁿˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵈᵉᵈᶦᶜᵃᵗᶦᵒⁿ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠʳᵃⁿᶜʰᶦˢᵉ, ᵗʰᶦˢ ʲᵒᵏᵉ ᶦˢ ᵃ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶦᵈᵉʳᵃᵇˡᵉ ᶠˡᵃᶜᶜᶦᵈ ᵖᵘⁿᶜʰˡᶦⁿᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜʳᶦᵖᵗ ˢʰᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵉʳᵛᵉ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ. ᴺᵒʷ ʰᵉʳᵉ’ˢ ᵃ ᵏᶦᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵘʳᵉ ʷʰᶦˡˢᵗ ʷᵉ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᶦⁿᵘᵉ.⁾

Awwwww, she’s sleepy

Julien: Oh boy, we got attractive felines in this universe. Roy: Eh, furry love aside, I’m more attracted to the comic’s nubian felines

Roy: Hello “Friend like me” Julien: Oye, don’t go pointing out the better things others have done. We’ll be here all week.

Roy: Can I say, “Suggestive?” Julien: Hey, they’re old enough to get some pussy in their life.

Julien: Okay, best character in the movie. Roy: Eh, I’m not convinced.

Roy: Okay, now I am.

Julien: That...is gonna cost ‘em. Roy: Pfft, like they’re gonna pay for it. Julien: I thought the ignorant rich of America were annoying.

Julien: Okay, there’s one thing that’ll never make sense here. So they’re oppressed and they work under the Storm King’s rule and they couldn’t be pirates. But it takes ONE song and they decide “Fuck it. We’re pirates again.” Roy: Have you ever had a song dedicated to helping you get your confidence and groove back?

[Gasp] The lesbian call.

Roy: I love how they play dramatic angry music over the colorful destruction that is their ship.

Julien: Hey, this reminds me of my Steven Universe fanfic. Roy: What? Julien: I dreamed and started a fanfic about Connie being an Arcane Knight that is seeking the original gems that helped salvage the land from the tyrannical Homeworld generals and this was where Lapis resided because she was originally master of nature but went into hiding after she, Peridot (master of metal) and Amethyst (master of animals) had a fallout.

Julien: When she goes so deep, she’s feeling your sunken place

Roy: WE GOT OUT THE MERCH SELLER, BABY! Julien: WE GOT THE MONEYMAKEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Roy: Now to be fair, she was trying to save her civilization while her friends were fucking around. Julien: Yeah, stealing from a civilization that suffered from the same enemies they’re dealing with now. Why didn’t the ponies help the hippogriffs when they clearly could have? This feels racist in a way. Roy: Specist? Julien: Yes. Thank you.

Julien: Okay, I can see where both sides are coming from, you know? However, I have a neutralizer that, possibly(?), erases both sides of this argument. How did it take them (the ponies) this long to try and stop the Storm King’s reign when it started to affect them personally? Where were any of them when the Storm King’s armada took over the Hippogriffs, the pirates, that city? I mean, I wouldn’t worry about this so much if the movie wasn’t so full of its “Friendship Solves All” theme to drive home how this will resolve when it could’ve been resolved LONG AGO! Roy: Jesus dude, it’s not that big a deal here. Julien: NO BRO, it is a big deal. Because they made 4 comics, so much merch, got good players like Sia, Liev, Emily Blunt, etc. all for movie that barely tries to integrate its new universe to a series that’s been around for 7 fucking years!

Ah good, we’re entered the third act.

Roy: Song time. Julien: I’ll allow it. Tempest is honestly the only best thing about this movie. Also, was Emily Blunt in Chicago???

Julien: So...let me get this straight. This girl stood up to a fucking bear and she gets shunned for her suffering? Fuck those kids! Roy: Yeah, I can see where she’d want revenge.

Roy: Okay movie, these Hippogriff designs are good. You live this time. Julien: This time? It’s still getting the slaughter, honey. [revs chainsaw]

Julien: You know Twilight fucked up when Sia pony is staring you down. Roy: With what eyes? Julien: Eye. Roy: I didn’t know you were Scottish.

I won’t question how they could breath in there.

Roy: Aw jeez, she was out for blood today. Julien: He’s getting creamed out there.

Julien: JESUS CHRIST, they brought flames to the party. Seriously, they are burning these beasts alive without fear.

One got consumed in the flames. Like, damn movie.

Roy: Okay, I get that Storm King’s a playful villain, but now he’s just monkeying around. Julien: Liev just wanted his paycheck. He’s doing just as good as everyone.

Roy: Looks like Pinkie Pie is on her a game this time. Julien: When she’s not yelling all her lines. Am I right lads, or am I right lads? Dom: “You’re all right, lad!” Julien: Cheers, lad.

Roy: Betrayal, I never knew could the Storm King could do such a thing. Julien: All I can think of is Twilight yeeting her into the cloud.

Gone with the wind.

Julien: Jesus christ. Roy: Exactly.

Roy: HA. He didn’t expect somebody to jump in the way of the bomb, only to then tag them and infect them with the spell as well. This doesn’t make sense in a way. Julien: Who cares, he’s fucking dead.

That’s right. Dead. On Screen. Full High Definition. YOUR MOVE, “DISNEY”.

“YEAH, WHO WANNA RIDE THE WHITE THUNDER?!”

Roy: So wait, what if Tempest actually got her horn back? Julien: Mass Genocide, everybody in Equestria incinerated; but hey: SPARKLY, COLORFUL EXPLOSIONS RIGHT?!

Julien: And that’s the My Little Pony Movie, ladies and gentlemen. Final thoughts? Roy: Fizzlepop Berrytwist is one of the worst names you could ever give your child. But other than that, I enjoyed what I got, mediocrity and all. Hell, I’m just glad there’s a 2D animated film in American theaters again. Could spell potential for the 16 mil. it earned at the Box Office. 👍👍 Julien: I thought it was alright and could’ve done better for their story beats than taking stuff from other better movies. A fun romp nonetheless.👍👎 Well, what now? Roy: Well, it’s Halloween. Wanna howl at the moon together? Julien: Sure.