#was just suffering from drums 24/7

[icarusredwings]

Ex-act-ly.

If you look at all the stuff he pulled you start to realize...the master wasnt the weird kid. The DOCTOR was. That kid did some weird shit. Like even in academy days and childhood he was kinda weird. Its clear that he's overly emotional compared to the other children and-

You know what? I'll just tell you.

Spoilers and general trigger warning for uncomfortable topics-

According to Lungbarrow he got teased a bunch for the shape of his belly button (ik right)

But the master wasnt the one who saw some one shoot a 'flutter wing' and decided to IMMEDIATELY STAB HIMSELF IN THE HAND.

The master didnt spend MULTIPLE DAYS with some random hermit dude as a literal child (he got screamed at by his older cusion, who he apprently has 44 of).

Its not the master who thinks dead souls live in the ocean.

The master didnt skinny dip with his female cusion at 10 years old (I guess watching 45 children would be hard but DANG Where is the caretakers???)

"The Doctor later liked to think of the universe as his foster family, as it took him in "when I was young". The universe taught him about life when his own parents opted out of their responsibilities."

This ones pretty normal for a kid but I dont think the master hid in barns and sobbed to hismelf because he didnt want the other boys to be mean to him (me too man me too)

Age is always such a weird concept for the Doctor because he was "a spotty teenager for fifty years" (The Time Witch, DWM #38). I know time lords dont age like humans but can you imagine if 50 years old was considered young? So now I cant help but to imagine a 50 year old in a frat house.

This being said, its not weird however that he became friends with Koschei the very first day.

It wasn't the master who hid an in-heat animal under his bed just so he has someone to talk too.

"The adults (including the Doctor's father) discussed astronomy and the Doctor showed his knowledge of the Chandrasekhar Limit, as he had been studying black holes just that morning." HA! Neerrdd (he is such a nerd <3)

"The Doctor and Koschei are best friends at school and are being tormented by a bully named Torvic. One day Torvic pushes Koschei’s head under the water and holds it there-"

The doctor also cries a lot compared to the other kids, "The Time Lord Savar knew the Doctor when he was young. They played chess, and the Doctor almost cried because Savar was the first person who had ever beaten him."

So like... maybe he just snapped from all the bullying because it wasn't the master who stoned a kid to death.

I like to think he's like this because he's half human and humans are driven far more by emotions than time lords are in the sense of wonderlust and nonsense creativity. Sorry not sorry but if someone was drowning my friend id probably commit a crime too.

The Doctor was lead in a band. Perigosto stick to be exact. (Which is really confusing. Some say its an instrument, some say its a multi dimensional juggling game, some say it was the writers way of making dick jokes. He also once electrocuted someone elses stick)

.... with Koschei... On the drums... (ofc)

The dude was a rebellious little thing. Sneaking off with his boyf- ER I MEAN best friend to drink with Shobogans. Tsk tsk tsk.

Even in the academy days he was sneaking off to go see that weird hermit guy who kept telling him ghost stories.

"The Doctor and his friends ride vortisaurs bareback at the Academy" look im going to be so for real. Im not sure if this was part of the class or not but it's SO on brand for him to just ride a flying dinosaur through the halls unauthorized.

This kid is so weird he has a "Debating forum" Membership. What ever the hell that means.

The Doctor is in his early 90s (Apprently thats the equivalent to like 18-19 i guess??) finally admits that he "still likes to play with his perigosto stick. The other students rib him mercilessly for at least a half-century."

This is very confusing for me. If this is a dick joke im confused why he would admit that at all. If its an instrument, is there such thing as child only instruments??

The master wasnt even his first bad influence. Some girl named Ruath was. They broke into time capsules, intoduced cats to Gallifrey, altered gravity so graduation took place mid air, and you remember that kids stick they electrocuted? Yeah that was with her.

This kid regularly played a game where they would ATTEMPT TO KILL THEMSLEVES to "see their future incarnations" apprently he saw his seventh incarnation and HELD THE RECORD.

The guy was so "weird" that he got KICKED out of his house because he wanted to be a regular doctor not a time lord. (Did I mention this kid studies thermodynamics for fun??)

By the way he STILL is seeing that hermit guy and fasted for an entire 3 days and 3 nights straight? Apprently it gave him "supplication to certian powers)

Oh and did I mention that Torvic was NOT the only one he killed during this time? He got suspended from the Academy (This makes him the first student EVER to be expelled from the Academy) so he stole a TARDIS (shocker) and took it to see the celestial toymaker.

Rallon dies and Millennia is trapped as one of the Toymaker's dolls. Upon returning they slap him with 500 years of traffic duty. LMAO

"I know you killed 2 people so spend the next 500 years doing traffic duty." How did he get out of going to prison?

And that's all JUST academy era.

So yeah- he was a maniac.

I also keep thinking about how even WITH the drums the Master was still pretty decent? If you look at Delgado, you can clearly see he has an OUNCE of sanity left. With his gentlemen behaviour, his posh way of dressing, his begging for his friend to rule the stars with him because he knows the Doctor left to explore, he just dosnt understand why if not to take over. He wants to explore with him, he's kind to (some of) his companions, his wording is much more gentle and kind. He's not as insane as simm is at all. This man is a man who sees his maniac friend and is like, "Im gonna match that freak."

Sources, Won't let me link them for some reason but:

AND THEN THERES 1 WHO SHOT A GIRL, WAS ARRESTED, AND GOT OFF SCOT FREE BECAUSE HIS FUTURE SELVES RIGGED THE JURY

So YEAH! Dudes a little UNHINGED

https://www.whoniverse.net/biography/childhood

And

https://www.whoniverse.net/biography/academy

(Not gonna lie if Ive learned anything its that the doctor has ALWAYS gotten along with girls better then boys. Dude was- and is- a ladies man.)

I already made a post about this but like after witnessing the First Doctor in action, I completely understand how the Doctor and the Master became friends. For a long time I thought the Doctor looked at the Master and thought “I can fix him” and when Missy said “I need you to know we’re not so different” I thought it was hinting towards the Oncoming Storm and the Doctor’s inner darkness… nah, the First Doctor just has incredibly manic energy. They probably met in Time Lord detention after the Master committed arson and the Doctor knocked someone unconscious with a table leg (definitely something that would happen). I’m now pretty sure that the Master was the calm, levelheaded friend whilst the Doctor was just completely off his rocker and frequently had to be begged to calm down. I’ve accepted this head canon as fact because it’s all making so much more sense.

[strangelockd]

You Can Tell Me Anything

Pairing: StephenStrange x !Reader

Synopsis: You forget to take you medication which lead to a disagreement. But Stephen comes up with a solution.

Word Count: 873

Warnings: Fluff, Comfort, brat taming, mentions of anti depressants and dark thoughts, mentions of self doubt, slight angst, happy ending.

A/N: This is dedicated to anyone out there who struggles with their mental health.

Stephen helped save my life in 2016 and became my earthly hero ever since, my comfort character. I hope this story makes you feel not alone and brings comfort.

If you or anybody you know, is suffering from a mental health crisis please contact the link below ❤️ You are not alone

“Fuck off Stephen Strange!”

Slamming the door anger washed over as you wept into your hands. Locking the latch, you slumped to the floor with your back against the door. Stephen was always a blunt man who hardly minced his words. It was one of the many traits you admired yet loathed about him. Usually you banter back and forth, but today his words cut you deep as the tears continued to flow. You knew he had good intentions about reminding you to take your medication, but there are days he felt more like a parent instead of a boyfriend.

Knock knock knock

“Babe come on open the door”

“No! I said leave me alone!” You screamed.

“Technically you said, ‘Fuck off Stephen Strange’,” he smirked behind the door keeping his temper.

Smartass…

He could feel you rolling your eyes, “but Im not leaving until you open the door.” Crossing his arms Stephen leaned against the tapestry wall drumming his fingers against his forearm.

“Babe Ive waited five hours by a doorstep in Kathmandu, believe me, I can wait.”

Rolling your eyes once more you brought yourself upright wiping the tears from your cheeks. Opening the heavy wooden door crossing your arms in defense you looked down at your feet. Stephen stepped towards you slowly stopping an arms distance between you. 

“Listen,” he trailed off rubbing the back of his head, “Im sorry for being so pushy earlier”

“No, its my fault, I shouldn’t have lied about taking my medicine,” clutching your shoulders Stephen saw you shaking, and it made his heart hurt. He hated seeing you in such mental turmoil. 

“Yes, that would have been the wisest option,” he whispered, “its just that, I wish you didn’t lie to me. You know you can tell me anything” His background in medicine reminded him of the consequences of suddenly stopping anti depressants, the symptoms can be terrible if not worse then before taking them. 

Dropping your arms, you muttered a little over a whisper, “I just don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life. I feel like an idiot,” you could barely bring yourself to say the final part before the tears flowed once more. Stephens eyes grew wide as he stepped forward breaking the distance between you bringing you into his sturdy frame. His strong forearms braced you tightly as you clutched onto his robe for dear life.

“Shh…shh its ok babe. It will be okay. Take a deep breath,” he felt you exhale and admired your obedience, “Now look at me,” taking your chin with his thumb and index finger he looked into your eyes. Releasing a sniffle, casting your eyes up his cerulean gaze. 

“First off,” he demanded, “If I ever hear you call yourself an idiot again. I will put you over my knee and spank your beautiful ass till its pink. Your lucky I haven’t done that already for lying” Your cheeks flushed at the sudden dominance; you knew it was meant as a threat. But in an odd way it turned you on. Pinching your legs together you shuffled your feet.

Taking your hand Stephen led you to the bed setting you on his lap as you comfortably laced your arms around his neck while he supported your waist. He paused taking the time to choose his words carefully before speaking. 

Breaking the silence he beseeched, “Now, tell me why you stopped taking them”  

Fidgeting with your fingers you paused taking a breath, “I thought I could do it on my own. I was feeling better and figured I didn’t need them. I feel weak for relying on medication bc then that means that you’re not enough. And you make me the happiest in the world Stephen.”

Stephen sighed slightly shaking his head, “you’re not weak,” grabbing your hand he brought it to his heart, “Taking medication does not make you weak babe. For example, if there was something wrong with my heart, you would advise me to take medication for it right?” Nodding you shook your head giving a slight smile. “Plus, I still have to use a spell to tame my tremors” Nodding again he made a clear point.

“Then whats the difference between that and this,” your eyes froze to his kind yet stern expression. He was right, you hated to admit it, but he was right.

“Your right Stephen,” leaning in giving him a kiss his goatee tickled your chin as his lips trailed down your neckline, “Im so sorry”

Stephens hands gripped you tightly as you continued your kisses down his collarbone making him groan in your ear.

“Its okay,” he gasped as you placed a nip on his earlobe, “Just tell me next time. Maybe we can set up and alarm to remind you.” 

Pulling away you smiled back nuzzling his nose, “I like that idea”

With a gesture of his hands Stephen summoned your pills and phone. Tapping the screen, he opened you phone adjusting the timer to include a giant pill emoji when alerted. Tossing the phone aside he gave the orange bottle a gentle shake, “Now, shall we give this another go?” He smiled kindly kissing your knuckles. 

Nodding your head, you smiled. Knowing you never had to face anything alone. Good or bad you always had Doctor Stephen Strange in your corner to be your rock to lean on.  

Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! It inspires me to keep writing.If you want to be tagged in future stories comment below.

A special thanks to the followers who request to read my work.

Back to Main Masterlist

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[zahri-melitor]

Ok, I have now mopped up every extraneous storyline in my reread and I HAVE to start War Drums and War Games (and then I’ll do Identity Crisis afterwards, because goddamn is 2004 the start of the Grim Times)

Last thing I finished today was Nightwing #91-#95, so you know, I have been having some thoughts about Devin Grayson as a writer.

I’m very fond of Devin Grayson’s run on Gotham Knights, putting aside #16-17 and #20-21, the four issues focused on Dick Grayson only. I…don’t think that’s unusual; I think it shows the issue at hand.

I don’t think she’s a bad comics writer. She has objectively written clever, interesting comics that I have enjoyed reading. Most people would say GK Transference and 24/7 are great comic stories. After some thought, I think the issue for many DC fans is primarily that Dick Grayson is her all time fave but her headcanons about Dick long since departed from what other writers were doing with the character and she’s largely a fan of the secret Dick Grayson who lives in her head. And then she was handed the Dick Grayson book to write. It was a situation doomed to cause issues.

I’m not having a go at anyone for having “secret better version of a character who lives in your head”, we’ve all fallen foul to it on occasion. But the test case for whether letting someone who feels this way about a character write their comics is “are the fandom willing to go along with this”. Sometimes they are (please see Wally West’s backstory and supporting cast reappearing by sheer stubbornness of the fans and a handful of writers). Sometimes you’ve just pissed off your entire fandom while writing a whump storyline because you want to torture your favourite before getting to the catharsis (Devin Grayson).

Heck, if you look at what was the probable pitch for Grayson’s run up to #95, it’s…just a break the cutie whump run. Dick’s life falls apart, orchestrated by one of his nemeses, as his entire rogues gallery get the chance to attack him. We’ve all read this before. It’s the plot of Knightfall. The Maxine Michaels plot is supposed to be a Vicky Vale/Vesper Fairchild style story. We’ve seen these stories work and enjoyed them; the major difference is that they had resolutions. Devin Grayson never got to the redemption/catharsis bit of the story. I don’t know why.

The EXECUTION of the whump run however went far too hard in killing off supporting cast members and became egregious in parts (no really, why are we blowing up Haly’s Circus. And the apartment block. Why) and then, you know, #93-95 happened. But the starting idea wasn’t necessarily bad.

There’s even two issues in Grayson’s run up to #95 that I really like (#76 and #81) and I think that entirely comes down to the fact the storytelling picks up immediately when Devin Grayson is focusing on a character OTHER than Dick (Amy Rohrbach and Cass, respectively).

The issue isn’t so much “Devin Grayson is a bad writer”. The issue is that “Devin Grayson should not have been allowed to be Dick Grayson’s primary writer” and she should instead have been given books about characters she’s less obsessed with and worked out her desires to make her fave suffer by writing more fanfic.

[corvidaesapiens]

GORILLAZ HEADCANONS #1 - RUSSEL 🥁

[sfw and mentioned n/sfw]

🌌 Russel has diagnosed autism, but he had trouble figuring it out at first. He never presented the typical traits associated with autism, never stimmed with his hands or hair, never had much trouble socializing. The thing that made his parents suspicious, though, was his hatred of his hair. It wasn't because of aesthetics or low self-esteem, he just hated the texture of it, he could feel it on his head at all times like if it were an annoying hat he couldn't take off. That's why he shaved, too.

He stims by playing drums and fidgeting with his clothes.

His personal quirk is having very broad vocabulary and using it all the time, everywhere. It comes off as formal, but he's just like that, man.

You know what is a major advantage of having white eyes? That you don't have to worry about eye contact or people seeing you roll your eyes at them.

🌌 This dude is a trans man, periodt. Also he has a very supportive family even though it was tough at first. He transitioned socially round the time he was like 12 y.o and physically he started T when he was 17

🌌 Sex-positive asexual guy, very much biromantic tho. He had a chick up until like phase 2 but they broke up after del was exorcised and he's been trying to remember how to single ever since

🌌 He absolutely found Ace interesting and... special when he joined the band for "The Now Now"

🌌 Did they hook up? Maybe once, it ended in them both agreeing to never talk about it again for the sake of band dynamics. Russel also did it only because Ace asked him to while sober, which was surprising seeing how he was stoned 24/7 under normal curcumstances

🌌 He absolutely used to be in a relationship with Del, but Del encouraged him to seek out a physical relationship while he was possessing him

🌌 Russel suffers from psychotic depression, the triggers vary but he had a bad episode after Del's exorcism and he's having one right now, during "Cracker Island". Ofc Murdoc thinks it's extra funny but Noodle and 2-D are worried

🌌 Sports are a major part of his life not because he necessarily enjoys them, but because he's insecure about his weight and is aware of how the lack of regular exercise impacts his self-esteem. He's a decent eater past Phase 4 tho and has lost a lot of pounds since his Phase 1 times. He's proud of himself and actually likes the way he looks now

🌌 He has a whole room dedicated to taxidermied animals, he's grown fond of birds and small mammals in particular. He keeps a falcon on his desk

[0clu]

slipknot x splatoon because i feel the need to combine my interests all the time

originally i was gonna have all 12 here but i decided to keep it as the original 9 we all know and love since i hardly even know the new members.. i would have loved to have them under here tho

so basically these guys arent really an actual team (yet) but they do have scrimages with eachother. like all the time. everyone has basically the same traits and personalities as their irl human counterparts.

i went off of vibes i get from them btw

------

#0 Sid Wilson

Inkling

• he has the rat/ray tail

• most annoying skirmisher..

• inkbrush main all day

• sucks at zipcaster and corey berates him for it

• A rank isnt treating him well but he doesnt care. hes just having fun (joyful little guy he is)

• loves qr ssu and ninja squid

• you know he has the record player in his locker

• dj

#1 Joey Jordison

Octoling

• reliable frontline slayer

• if the dapple dualies has only 1 fan on earth its him.

• also plays jr and sploosh 7

• could get top 500 if he wanted to but he doesnt care much abt it

• prefers nouveau to vanilla despite its special

• still pops reefslider like its splashdown

• plays in a band

#2 Paul Gray

Inkling

• midline

• average mini splat/nautilus main

• misses the zink variant from years ago (the old bubbler)

• just your basic S ranker, good but not the best

• comes up with the wackiest comp ideas

• "what if we all used weapons with splash wall as the sub... or quad big bubbler on tc"

#4 Jim/James Root

Inkling

• anchor

• heavy splatling, ballpoint

• came from greater inkopolis (is that what they call it?)

• him moving made his rank reset from S back down to B- so now hes scared to touch ranked

• "im a backline, man... what if my teammates are fucking braindead?" ion know

• new to the group so doesnt really know these guys

• got in from a tryout session

#3 Chris Fehn

Octoling

• midline slayer

• used to be insane with the sting ray special before it got banned

• shotpro main and jet dick rider for life

• never thought abt gear building until like a year ago, its amazing how he even got to X rank running opening gambit on jet.

• pinocchio mask in his locker he sometimes wears to turf war

#5 Craig "133" Jones

???

• slayer

• wiper. lives and dies by the sword

• he just kinda popped up one day

• ...

• him talking is like a big foot sighting

• really good. like... super good... almost mick level

• everyone wonders what the hell he mained before splatanas were a thing

• well decorated locker. nice color theory

#6 Shawn Crahan

Octoling

• anchor but can be mid for faster comps

• explo is his babby. slosher is nice too

• 'they dont know i served in the octarian army'

• was basically the groups leader 24/7 until corey came

• his strongest feat is making strategic decisions and pop up plans for the team

• has been S+/X rank for yearsss

• probably responsible for some of the map callouts you hear today (ex. skipper pavilion, blackbelly skatepark)

• his locker has a dried squid corpse playing a miniature drum set inside

#7 Mick Thomson

Inkling

• as anchor as it gets

• "do you ever play anything other than 5k??" "...5k scope"

• frequent top 500 in tc and rm

• wants the original eliter 4k to make a comeback

• evil charger main #666

• will talk you to death about chargers and their history

• his locker just has a singular eliter in it

• "come into MY house, suck MY dick, call ME gay?!?" incarnate

#8 Corey Motherfuckibg Taylor

Inkling

• the most "splatlands born and raised 💀" guy ever

• aggro midline

• 💞flingza💞, stamper

• hates big swig it feels like a knock off flingza to him

• S rank isnt treating him well and he does care. bro is suffering

• some know him as "the great big mouth"

• no ass unfortunately

• shawn saw him in turf war once and immediately went and got him to join his team afterwards

• was found as a soggy flingza main but gradually learned to have great team spirit and become a good leader :D

• just kinda puts shit in his locker.

• joey says he has frontman energy

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Congrats Pari on your application for Wren Hummel! Please check out this page here for what to do next, and please send us her blog within 48 hours! Welcome to the group!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias: pari Preferred pronoun: she/her Age: 29 Timezone/Country: est/usa RP Experience: i've been rping for 12+ years in multiple different kinds of groups (glee, smut, harry potter, oc) Activity Level: 7/10 just because of work

IC INFORMATION:

Name: wren hummel Designation: switch Age: 24 Birthdate: december 1, 1998 Faceclaim: victoria pedretti Orientation: bisexual, biromantic (leans more toward women) Kinks: daddy kink, romance, bondage, hot wax, ice, group sex, spanking, voyerism, orgasim denial, choking, hair pulling, roleplay, begging, strap on, biting/scratching Anti-Kinks: scat, vore/gore, any bodily fluids, permanent marking, physical injury/disfiguring, pet play, little/child/age play, extreme play, cages

Key Points: 

- was previously attending a different school to learn the ways of the bdsm lifestyle, but has transferred to stonewall prep at the recommendation of kurt

- she's naturally an anxious person, suffers from panic attacks, especially when she's around too big of a crowd or overwhelmed by too much noise

- she is a more private person, she doesn't necessarily get lost in the crowd but she does prefer to keep to herself and people watch. it makes her a bit of a mystery.

- she's an athlete which takes up a lot of her time between basketball and softball she values her physique and working out. 

BIO 

growing up in the hummel household wren was the opposite of her brother, kurt. she was a tomboy and the athlete that her father had always been excited to have. she took to sports right away and valued the necessary traits it took to be good at what she did: teamwork, hardwork, discipline and motivated. she was constantly busy jumping between sports schedules but she loved it. but the one thing she was always jealous of was her brother's ability to march to the beat of his own drum and never care what anyone else had to say. wren always faltered when it came to peer pressure and cared far too much about what people thought of her. 

after high school wren was pushed to go out of state to a school for doms/swtiches/subs, her parents thinking it was a better idea for her to attend a school that had a good focus on their athletic programs as well as their studies. but after a shoulder injury kept her out of play for a year the hummels decided to bring her back to lima to be closer to them as she rehabbed her shoulder. she's actually pretty happy to be in a school with her brother for the first time and is excited for all the new opportunities here.

BIO QUESTIONS:

What are your feelings about the mark you have received?  - "i like to think it's pretty accurate. in a lot of ways i shift between being a sub and being a dom. i think the more i explore the more i'll be able to find where i'm truly meant to be."

How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it? - "my parents have always been believers in the system and subsequently so have i. if it keeps everyone safe and prevents everything from falling into a mess then i would rather follow the system than rebel against it."

Where do you see yourself after you graduate?   - "if i can't play any kind of sport professionally then i really. hope i am able to coach. the joy i find in sports is something that i would love to be able to help instill in others. i've had enough bad coaches to know what a good coach looks like and i would love to be that for someone else."

How do you feel about authority? - "when it comes to authority i think when it's done correctly then it's the kind of thing that a lot of people need. but when there are those that take advantage of their authority or toe the line with it, i begin to lose respect for them. in order for this society to work as a whole we need to follow the structure laid out for us and not overstep, no matter which mark you are."

[momokori-cosplays-moved]

TMNT 2012 hcs uwu

1. Raphael, Leonardo, and Donnatello are autistic

2. Mikey has ADHD

3. Raphael has a knuckle cracking stim

4. Leo leg bounces when nervous

5. Leo learns fluent japanese

6. Raph also learns fluent japanese but pretends he doesn't know it so he can spy on leo and splinters conversations

7. the only japanese mikey knows is directly related to food

8. raph accidentally let his japanese knowledge slip after leo started suspecting he knew what he was saying, and asked him something in japanese when raph was distracted and he responded in japanese

9. raphael is secretly really proud of mikey and donnie and their improvment

10. leo's maturity is an act, and if he wasn't putting up a front he would act more like mikey

11. raph and donnie are both very insecure

12. donnie secretly wishes he had freckles like mikey

13. donnie needs glasses but can't get them cause he's a mutant, he's near sighted so he gets hit by projectiles more often than his brothers, and holds things he's working on close to his face

14. raph also needs glasses but refused to acknowledge that until he got splitting headaches and splinter noticed him not fighting as well

15. Mikey is the only one with perfect eyesight, since leo sits too close to the tv

16. all four brothers get migraines and hate bright lights

17. leo is the best of his brothers at chess, and raph is best at checkers

18. mikey suffered from mild seisures as a kid

19. donnie has asthma

20. raph is the most flexible, and is hyper mobile

21. donnie is also hypermobile but not flexible

22. leo is flexible but not hypermobile

23. raph has the best poker face of his brothers, even splinter can't see through it

24. raph is so good at playing along with his brothers' lies that even they can't tell sometimes

25. raph has trained with splinter the most out of anyone, learning to be good with many weapons

26. raph learns his combat best from watching others fight and has picked up on some of his enemies fighting styles because of this

27. Leo is a Nintendo nerd

28. Donnie is the most tech savvy, followed by Mikey, then raph, then leo

29. Of everything his brothers have said, the thing that hurt raphs feelings most was when they said they couldn't trust him

30. Raph often spaces out during battle, sometimes even fully dissociative, since he find battle therapeutic. It's his favorite way to mediate and work through issues

31. Raph has the best intuition, then mikey, then donnie, the leo

32. All four turtles get baxter stockmans name wrong on purpose to annoy him

33. Donnie is the least skilled with his weapon

34. After shredder fought the turtles for the first time and came home injured, when they told splinter he spent a solid 5 minutes just holding them, not knowing what to say

35. Raphael gets made fun of for his interests by his brothers the most of any of them and doesn't share his interests because of it

36. Casey is an adrenaline junkie

37. Casey is trans mtf

38. Raphael has the best reflexes and often catches things his brothers drop super casually but his brothers are super impressed by it

39. April likes training with Leo the most, but when she's trying to improve quickly she trains with raph cause of his speed and non nonsense attitude

40. Raph reads the newspaper because he's interested in the crimes of the city, he often finds them missions

41. Leo has the cleanest room, then raph, the donnie (experiments), then mikey

42. One of the few things that raph let mikey teach him is cooking, and the only things he learned were protein and carb based

43. Leo likes classic rock, mikey likes hip hop, donnie likes electronic music, and raph just likes music that's bass heavy

44. Raph gets really into it when he listens to music, drumming and dancing along, but only when his brothers aren't around

45. Raph and donnie can both play music by ear, raph only needs to hear it once to play almost perfectly

46. Raph plays drums, donnie plays bass, mikey plays keyboard, and leo does guitar. They take turns doing vocals

47. Raph is the most protective of his brothers and is the first to cry when they might die

48. Donnie has the fastest base walking speed

49. Raph has the slowest base walking speed but only cause he slows himself down

50. Donnie paces when thinking, mumbling outloud to himself

51. April taught mikey how to yoyo, introduced Donnie to rubics cubes, raph to infinity cubes, and leo to those anxiety rings (maybe a big braclet one though cause his fingers are too big)

52. Raph hates saliva, donnie hates snot, leo hates both

53. Raph cries whenever one of his brothers gets married

54. Raph cried the most at splinters death

55. Splinters death lead raph to leave the team and become a vigilante

56. Donnie the most embarassed about his crush, then raph, then leo, then mikey

57. Raphs love language is physical touch, donnies is gift giving, mikeys is quality time, and leos is acts of service

58. Leo hates being seen cry the most, then raph, then donnie, then mikey

59. Leo will deny that he was crying if you walk in on him

60. Raph and leo are the best team when it comes to pure fighting skill, raph and donnie are best when it comes to agility, raph and mikey are best for chaos, leo and donnie are best for Infiltration, donnie and mikey are best for destruction, leo and mikey are best for deception

61. If Casey died raph would wear his mask when on patrol so it's like when they patrolled together

62. Each turtle independently got the hamato family crest as a tattoo after splinter passed. Leo's was in his hand, donnies was his wrist, raphs was his shoulder, and mikeys was on the chest of his plastron

63. Raph has broken the most bones, then mikey, then leo, the donnie

64. Raph learns new moves the "quickest" but only because he practices the most on his own

65. All four turtles had childhood asthma, donnie and raph never got over it, raphs is less severe

66. Leo is lactose intolerant

67. Donnie keeps a med bag in the shell raiser with lactaid, inhalers, headache meds, and general first aid stuff

68. Raph is the most precise with his weapons, then donnie, then leo, then mikey

69. Raph likes to swim when he's stressed or thinking if there's no fights

70. Leo has the strongest legs and raph has the strongest upper body

71. Leo has mostly physical stims, donnie has mostly vocal stims, raph has a mix of both

72. Raph masks the most, leo mirrors the most

73. Splinter is a lightweight

74. Raph especially has nightmares about splinters death

75. Raph's nightmares led to insomnia and later him leaving the lair and becoming a vigilante

76. Raph loves weighted blankets, he also throws them at mikey to knock him over cause they both think it's funny

77. Raph and mikey are both really good at catching bugs out of the air

78. Due to mikeys pranks, the other three often team up to prank him back

79. Mikey finger painted a lot when he was young and left hand prints on his brothers shells, this is where they got their colors

80. Leather head was Casey jones before getting flushed

81. Raph secretly loves the nicknames his brothers give him but pretend it annoys him

82. Raph frequently ignores his injuries and his brothers won't realize he's badly hurt until he collapses from it

83. The boys were taught japanese as a first language, mikey knows the least, but the other three fall into japanese as the default

84. When the boys are tired the speak japanese instead of English, sometimes to April or Casey who just stare at the confused

85. Casey learned japanese quicker than April

86. Raph has ptsd from dreggs home planet and often has nightmares and insomnia because of it

87. Raph is scared of needles

88. Donnie will surprise him with shots instead of counting down so his muscles are less tense

89. Raph curses the most, then donnie (he gets away with it most), the leo, then mikey

90. Raph is his brothers biggest hype man when it comes to their crushes

91. Raph claims to love spicy food but has a huge sweet tooth

92. Raph and mikey will 100% bite if you get close enough during a fight

93. Raph has the easiest time flying with a passenger using the gliders

94. Raph keeps a very precise track of how many kraang or foot bots he can handle on his own

95. Raph is the default attack dog, leo is the default for stealth, donnie is the default for tech, and mikey is the default for distraction

96. Donnie likes to jump rope

97. Mikey and raph will both climb the nearest object when bored

98. Leo and donnie are function over fashion, and raph and mikey are fashion over function

99. Leo and raph are practically twins age wise

100. Mikey needs braces

101. Raph started training with as many weapons as he could get his hands on after splinter made them do a mission without their weapons

102. When raph was young he ran away from him to see if anyone would care

103. Leo and Raph are cancer, donnie is a Sagittarius, mikey is a Gemini

104. April is a Scorpio, Casey is an Aries

105. Splinter is a Pisces

106. Leo and raph are both bipolar

107. Pulverizer is allergic to the mutagen and that explains his odd transformation

108. Leo doesn't scream when scared

109. Raph has an entire sketch book just full of pictures of Mona lisa

110. Raph sketches mona lisa everytime he misses her

111. Mikey keeps Polaroids of his brothers dates

112. Raph is a he/they, bicurious, Donnie bisexual he/they, leo is a he/him gay man, mikey is a gendefluid ageo, mona is mtf, Casey is mtf pansexual

113. Baxter stockman is gay

114. Donnie has a tendency to book his brothers noses all the time

115. Raphael is the most sensitive brother

116. Mikey catches his brothers a lot, or tries to. He catches them princess style often but sometimes they fall to fast and both turtles just hit the floor

117. Donnie has the slowest recovery time in a fight

118. Raph and mikey can use their feet like hands to pick things up

119. God is a dj is donnies favorite pink song

120. Raph has an audio processing disorder

121. Mikey has a marble collection

122. Human au, mikey dyes his hair constantly, his favorite is his pink hair. Raphael helps him dye it

123. Mikey has audio processing disorder

124. Donnie has balance issues and uses his bo staff for support

125. Raph stares up at the stars a lot thinking about mona lisa

126. Leo gets annoyed by captions but Donnie needs it

127. Raphael bruises really easily compared to his brothers

128. Donnie has a signed bill nye poster in his room

129. Raph is the most ready to kill someone, then Mikey, then leo, then donnie

[transparenttriumphzombie]

Jordana LeSesne, formerly known as 1.8.7, is an American musician and producer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.[1] She now produces and performs as Jordana. She became known in the mid-1990s as a drum and bass producer.[2] Vibe magazine called her "one of the most respected Drum ‘n' Bass producers in the US."[3] In 2015, she was named as one of "20 women who shaped the history of dance music" by Mixmag.[4] She is transgender and came out in 1998.[5][2]

She has released over 50 tracks, including four albums, several EPs, and remixes under the alias 1.8.7. The 1997 album When Worlds Collide became known for its "dark pummeling assaults". She has licensed tracks for compilations as well as the Sci Fi Channel. Three of her albums charted in the Top 25 of both the CMJ (College Music Journal) and Mixmag U.S. (later Mixer Magazine, now defunct) for 1997 as well as 1998[6] and 1999. Her third album "The Cities Collection" debuted in the CMJ Top 5 climbed to the #2 position on CMJ Music Monthly's dance chart for June 2000.[7][8][9]

Her works have been reviewed by Billboard,[10] Spin, Rolling Stone, Urb, Mixer, Mixmag, Raygun,[3] as well as Knowledge – the U.K. Drum and Bass magazine. In 1999, she was listed in Raygun's Who's Who of International DJs. She was one of the headlining DJs on Knowledge Magazine's 28 city Kung Fu Knowledge tour in 1999.[11] She also made Out Magazine's OUT100 list for the year 2000.[12]

Contents

1Impact on music

2History

3Hate crime in Ohio

4Additional work in music industry

5Literary mentions

6Personal life

7Vinyl

8CD releases

9Videos

10References

11External links

Impact on music[edit]

Her work has influenced other artists such as well-known dubstep producer Bassnectar, who heavily sampled 5 A.M. Rinse (feat. MC Sphinx), the last song on her first album When Worlds Collide for his song Here We Go of his 2010 EP and single Timestretch.[13] Since the sexual allegations of Bassnectar have become known to her, Jordana has publicly condemned his actions as well as called out the fact that he never delivered contractually promised royalties for the above mentioned work.[14] Additionally, electronic rock act Celldweller sampled "Wake Up" off of her first album as well as "San Francisco" off of her third album "The Cities Collection" in their 2013 song "Uncrowned".[15]

In 1999, Drum & Bass/Hip Hop producer and label owner Hive approached Jordana to remix her song Defcon-1 also off of When Worlds Collide. Hive's remix appears on his 2001 album The Raw Uncut.[16] Jordana collaborated with Lady Sovereign on a song early in Sov's career after the two met through an internet chat room for StrikeFM.co.uk, an online radio station which Jordana had a show, and the now defunct UKGarageWorldwide.com forums. The two would later team up when Jordana under her Lady J alias, had Lady Sovereign MC for her radio show on Flex FM London.[17]

History[edit]

She first came to the attention of the music industry when she was asked to remix Blondie's "Atomic." Her remix appeared along with Armand Van Helden and Diddy’s remixes on the single.[3] A little over a year following that release, Mac McFarlane, the promoter of the well established and legendary New York City club, Konkrete Jungle, contacted her to create a themed song for a CD compilation/mix-CD. Jordana created the song "Konkrete Jungle" for that purpose. Described by CMJ as containing "menacing hardstep attacks",[18] it was released on the Ultra Records compilation, Konkrete Jungle - Maximum Drum & Bass, mixed by BBC Radio 1 Drum'n'Bass show host Jumpin Jack Frost. Following extensive touring throughout North America and abroad as a music producer, Liquid Sky Music, an indie label distributed by Caroline Distribution signed her to a three-album contract in late 1996.

Hate crime in Ohio[edit]

On the night of February 22, 2000 in Kent, Ohio, Jordana was attacked and brutally beaten in a transphobic hate crime by a group of men including Matthew Gostlin.[19] Gostlin and other assailants vaulted her in the parking lot outside of the Robin Hood nightclub where she had just performed on the Cities Collection tour. The attack took place while she was escorted from the event with the event promoter to his car. The group of men attacked suddenly and Jordana lost consciousness almost immediately after being struck in the face. She suffered nerve damage to the lower part of her face from her lower lip down as a result. She was quoted, saying in the May 2000 issue of CMJ New Music Monthly that in the seconds just prior to the attack: "I saw his face. I remember the look on his face. It was this look of utter hate, like 'I'm going to kill you.'"[20] In an interview with the Village Voice, George Meesig, a man from Cleveland, Ohio who defended her during the attack, stated that Gostlin had misgendered her, saying “this is personal”.[21] Other reports noted by the Village Voice on the message board for Breakbeat Science (a Drum'n'Bass record store) mentioned transphobic slurs being shouted during the attack. She subsequently cancelled the tour to recover.[19] Gostlin, while charged, was never arrested nor spent any time in court. Her family was told by the Portage County (Ohio) prosecutor's office that attempts had been made to serve the warrant but Gostlin's whereabouts were unknown. She felt that justice would not be served so she left the United States for England due to concerns about personal safety and well-being.

Additional work in music industry[edit]

In addition to music production, Jordana is a DJ, musician and singer. From 2001 to 2002, she worked at Flex FM in London, England as Lady J, with Lady Sovereign performing for her during her radio show.[22] In 2002, she held a club residency performing UK garage, 2-step garage and house music at the club Trinity in Vauxhall neighborhood.

After returning to the United States, Jordana returned to rock and fronted a goth metal band in Seattle. Prior to that, she was asked to play bass in another band briefly where she met and became close friends with singer/songwriter Shelita Burke. She has toured the world and played many DJ sets. She has been billed alongside Arca for Planet Zolean: Un/Tuck + Hot Mass on the Currents.FM Common Multiverse Initiative.[23] She was featured on the Dekmantel Podcast.[24] She was featured as Mix of the Day for Resident Advisor.[25]

In 2014, Jordana scored the documentary Free CeCe, produced and directed by Jacqueline Gares and Laverne Cox. The documentary details the struggles of CeCe McDonald, an African-American transwoman wrongfully incarcerated for murder for defending herself against a hate attack on her outside a Minneapolis bar.[26][27]

Literary mentions[edit]

She has been featured in several books. Her success in rising from living in a "rust belt" city to being an MTV-featured electronic music artist was mentioned in "The Rise of the Creative Class" by economist Richard Florida. She appears in two books detailing American electronic dance music scene history: Michaelangelo Matos's The Underground is Massive,[28] and Rave Culture, an Insider's Overview by Jimi Fritz and Virginia Smallfry.[29]

An interview with Jordana was featured in multiple books, including a book published in 2012 by rock journalist George Petros.[30] She has spoken on her personal life in interviews for publications such as The Festival Voice,[31] The Brooklyn Rail[32] and href zine.[33]

Personal life[edit]

She currently lives in Seattle, Washington.

Vinyl[edit]

1995 Blondie "Atomic (The Beautiful Drum and Bass Mix)" VV58320 Chrysalis Records/EMI

1996 RockStone Foundation "Dis Soun'" JS007 Jungle Sky

1997 V/A – Nirvana EP "We Are Not Alone" JS114 Jungle Sky

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe "Abducted (1.8.7 Remix) JS118 Jungle Sky

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe "Ethiopia/JungleSky (1.8.7 Megamix)" JS118 Jungle Sky

1997 1.8.7 – When Worlds Collide full-length album EP1 "Defcon 1"/"When Worlds Collide"/"Blueshift"/"Dragonfly" JSK121 Jungle Sky

1997 1.8.7 – When Worlds Collide full-length album EP2 "Wake Up"/"Distant Storm Approaching"/"Ghetto Style"/"Ghetto Style (West Philly Mix)" JSK122 Jungle Sky

1998 Murder 0ne (1.8.7)/T.Farmer "Annihilate"/"Memory" BOOST002 Boosted Records

1998 This is Jungle Sky Vol. 5: Rock N Roll EP Disc 2 "Break In"/"The Return of Shaft"/"Konkrete Jungle" Jungle Sky JSK131

1998 This is Jungle Sky Vol. 5: Rock N Roll EP Disc 3 "Atmosphere Remix"/"The Jam"/Beastie Boys – "Sabotage (1.8.7 JS Remix)" JSK132 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP1 "Quality Rolls"/"Relax Your Mind"/"Phobic" JSK136 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP2 *"Jerusalem"/"Get Amped" (215 Remix)/"Stigma" JSK 137 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP3 "Rock The Party"/"Deep Stealth"/"Cross the Line" JSK138 Jungle Sky

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls full-length album EP3 "United"/"Blue Nile"/"Reboot" JSK139 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana – "Pure Funk"/Stardust – "Music Sounds Better".. [With Bass] (Jordana JS remix) *whitelabel* JSK149 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana – Cities Collection 12" 1 "Hollywood (courtesy of Lucasfilm)"/"Los Angeles"/"New York" JSK157 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana – Cities Collection 12" 2 "Pittsburgh"/"Miami"/"San Francisco" JSK158 Jungle Sky

2000 Loki and Jordana – "Murder" 12" *whitelabel*

2001 Jordana – "Tampa Tantrum"/"In Your Arms" 12" TECO008 Technorganic

2002 Lady J feat. Lady Sovereign – "The Intro Dub" (Flex FM)

2002 Jordana – Full Colour 12" 1 *whitelabel* ConceptAudio

2002 Jordana – Full Colour 12" 2 *whitelabel* ConceptAudio

CD releases[edit]

1994 V/A – Interstellar Outback "Jungleman" ROM01 RomHyperMedia

1995 V/A – Scotto Presents: Drop Beats Vol.1 "Ravestock Anthem" DROP001 Drop Entertainment

1996 V/A – This Is Jungle Sky Vol.2 "Dis Soun" JSK008 Jungle Sky

1997 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.4 "We Are Not Alone" JSK116 Jungle Sky

1997 V/A – Future Groove "We Are Not Alone" ?74321 50089 2 Ariola/BMG

1997 V/A – New York Junglist "We Are Not Alone" AVCD11540 Avex Trax

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe CD "Abducted (187 Remix)" JSK120 Jungle Sky

1997 Soul Slinger-Don't Believe CD "Ethiopia/JungleSky" JSK120 Jungle Sky

1997 1.8.7 – When Worlds Collide CD album JSK124 Jungle Sky

1998 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.5 "The Jam" JSK130 Jungle Sky

1998 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.5 "Atmosphere Remix" JSK130 Jungle Sky

1998 Soul Slinger – Upload: A Continuous Mix CD "Rock the Party" JSK142 Jungle Sky

1998 V/A – Nu Balance: Domesticated Drum & Bass CD "5am Rinse" COA70016-2 City Of Angels

1998 1.8.7 – Quality Rolls CD album JSK135 Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – Sci Fidelity: This is Sci Fi. CD "Deep Stealth" SciFi Channel/Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.6 CD "Pure Funk" JSK150 Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – This is Jungle Sky Vol.6 CD "Unite Remix" JSK150 Jungle Sky

1999 Jordana presents 1.8.7 – The Cities Collection CD album JSK162 Jungle Sky

1999 V/A – E-Sassin Absolute Friction CD "Worlds Apart" 21C.3007 Quantum Loop

2000 V/A – Digital Empire: DJ Girl "Deep Stealth" 6454-2 Cold Front Records

2001 Hive – The Raw Uncut EP CD "Defcon-1" (Hive Remix) VTXCD-002 Vortex Recordings

2002 Jordana – Full Colour album ConceptAudio Limited Release

2003 V/A – Girls In Space CD "In Your Arms" CD-9213 Urabon Records

2005 Jordana – Jordana EP CD "In Your Arms" TECO CD001 Technorganic Recordings

2005 Jordana – Jordana EP CD "Tampa Tantrum" TECO CD001 Technorganic Recordings

2005 V/A – DJ Psycle-Back From The Future CD "In Your Arms" TECO CD-9213 Technorganic Recordings

2005 V/A – DJ Psycle-Back From The Future CD "In Your Arms" TECO CD-9213 Technorganic Recordings

2008 V/A – What the Bleep & Foi Oi Oi-Feelings For Detroit Vol.3 Yabette – "Babylon (1.8.7 Remix)" EEMIX003 Electronic Enlightenment

Videos[edit]

We Are Not Alone (1998) – directed by MSKW1 aka Michael Whartnaby

Defcon 1 (1998) – directed by MSKW1 aka Michael Whartnaby and DBIDWA aka Dan Bidwa

Worlds Apart (1998) – directed by Gerard Ryan

Atmosphere (1998) – directed by Gerard Ryan

Ring Me Back (2002) – directed by Trevor McKinley

References[edit]

^ "VH1 Biography". Vh1.com. Archived from the original on February 14, 2011. Retrieved September 8, 2010.

^ Jump up to:a b Riedel, Samantha. "This Trans Drum & Bass Musician Was a Pioneer in the 90s. Why Isn't She Getting Her Due?". them. Retrieved September 30, 2020.

^ Jump up to:a b c Vibe Media Group (February 1999). "Vibe". Vibe Vixen. Vibe Media Group: 38–. ISSN 1070-4701.

^ "- - Mixmag". Mixmag.net. Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ "Roll With the Changes". citypaper.net. Archived from the original on July 7, 2012. Retrieved January 19, 2016.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (December 1998). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 78–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (March 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 48–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (March 13, 2000). CMJ New Music Report. CMJ Network, Inc. pp. 27–. ISSN 0890-0795.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (June 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 82–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (June 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 95. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ "Kung Fu Knowledge Tour Cities". Bmotion. Archived from the original on October 4, 2013. Retrieved October 3, 2013.

^ Out Magazine (74): 45. January 2000.

^ iphoneunclockseattle. "Bassnectar's Here We Go sample of 1.8.7 feat. MC Sphinx's 5 A.M. Rinse". WhoSampled. Retrieved November 2, 2013.

^ Avery C Kleinman for Vice News. "The Fall of the Bassnectar Empire".

^ jordana. "Celldweller samples Wake Up and San Francisco". WhoSampled. Retrieved May 9, 2014.

^ "Hive – The Raw Uncut EP". Discogs. Retrieved November 2, 2013.

^ "Hot update | Welcome to the FLEX FM NETWORK". FLEX FM Network. May 19, 2002. Archived from the original on June 1, 2002. Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (October 1998). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 62–. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ Jump up to:a b Maximum Rocknroll. Maximum Rock 'n' Roll. 2000.

^ CMJ Network, Inc. (May 2000). "CMJ New Music Monthly". CMJ New Music. CMJ Network, Inc.: 13. ISSN 1074-6978.

^ Bill Werde (February 29, 2000). "Top Jungle Producer Attacked". Villagevoice.com. Archived from the original on January 9, 2019. Retrieved January 8, 2019.

^ Sovereign, Lady (May 18, 2002). "Lock in to FLex FM 2nite". ukmusic.com/. Archived from the original on August 10, 2014. Retrieved May 30, 2013.

^ "Currents.FM Common Stream Multiverse Initiative".

^ "Jordana is one of America's most widely respected drum & bass artists". Dekmantel.

^ "Drum & bass made for the biggest rooms, with plenty of soul, nuance and killer vocal hooks". Resident Advisor.

^ "FREE CeCe! Post-Production Campaign". Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ "AFROPUNK". Afropunk.com. Archived from the original on December 22, 2015. Retrieved December 21, 2015.

^ Matos, Michaelangelo (April 28, 2015). The Underground Is Massive: How Electronic Dance Music Conquered America. Dey Street Books. p. 154. ISBN 978-0062271785.

^ Jimi Fritz (1999). Rave Culture: An Insider's Overview. SmallFry Press. p. 162. ISBN 978-0-9685721-0-8.

^ Petros, George (2012). Lehman, Deanna (ed.). The New Transsexuals: The Next Step In Human Evolution. Creation Books. pp. 247–274. ISBN 978-0-9855018-1-5. Retrieved December 22, 2015.

^ https://thefestivalvoice.com/black-lives-matter-tfvs-series-on-racial-injustice-jordana/

^ https://brooklynrail.org/2021/05/criticspage/Let-Us-Live/

^ https://href-zine.net/technoid-natures-zine.html

External links[edit]

Jordana discography at Discogs

1.8.7 at Rolldabeats

https://jordanaofficial.bandcamp.com/

https://www.mixcloud.com/jordana/

https://soundcloud.com/jordanaofficial

Jordana at IMDb

[auroraluciferi]

if anyone in this time of deep concern of his health is interested about what a worthless piece of shit Prince Philip is, here is a very brief list of 90 racist, sexist, and incredibly ignorant things the man has said in the last century:

1. "Ghastly." Prince Philip's opinion of Beijing, during a 1986 tour of China.

2. "Ghastly." Prince Philip's opinion of Stoke-on-Trent, as offered to the city's Labour MP Joan Walley at Buckingham Palace in 1997.

3. "Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf." Said to a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band in 2000.

4. "If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes." To 21-year-old British student Simon Kerby during a visit to China in 1986.

5. "You managed not to get eaten then?" To a British student who had trekked in Papua New Guinea, during an official visit in 1998.

6. "You can't have been here that long – you haven't got a pot belly." To a British tourist during a tour of Budapest in Hungary. 1993.

7. "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" Asked of a Scottish driving instructor in 1995.

8. "Damn fool question!" To BBC journalist Caroline Wyatt at a banquet at the Elysée Palace after she asked Queen Elizabeth if she was enjoying her stay in Paris in 2006.

9. "It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." The Prince's verdict of a fuse box during a tour of a Scottish factory in August 1999. He later clarified his comment: "I meant to say cowboys. "I just got my cowboys and Indians mixed up."

10. "People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle." To survivors of the Lockerbie bombings in 1993.

11. "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves." During a trip to Canada in 1976.

12. "A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now that everybody's got more leisure time they are complaining they are unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want." A man of the people shares insight into the recession that gripped Britain in 1981.

13. "British women can't cook." Winning the hearts of the Scottish Women's Institute in 1961.

14. "It was part of the fortunes of war. We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking 'Are you all right - are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?' You just got on with it!" On the issue of stress counselling for servicemen in a TV documentary marking the 50th Anniversary of V-J Day in 1995.

15. "What do you gargle with – pebbles?" To Tom Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, 1969. He added the following day: "It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs."

16. "It's a vast waste of space." Philip entertained guests in 2000 at the reception of a new £18m British Embassy in Berlin, which the Queen had just opened.

17. "There's a lot of your family in tonight." After glancing at business chief Atul Patel's name badge during a 2009 Buckingham Palace reception for 400 influential British Indians to meet the Royal couple.

18. "If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." Said to a World Wildlife Fund meeting in 1986.

19. "You ARE a woman, aren't you?" To a woman in Kenya in 1984, after accepting a gift.

20. "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" To a wheelchair-bound Susan Edwards, and her guide dog Natalie in 2002.

21. "Get me a beer. I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!" On being offered the finest Italian wines by PM Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.

22. "I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family." In 1967, asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.

23. "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" In a Radio 4 interview shortly after the Dunblane shootings in 1996. He said to the interviewer off-air afterwards: "That will really set the cat among the pigeons, won't it?"

24. "Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle." To neighbour Elton John after hearing he had sold his Watford FC-themed Aston Martin in 2001.

25. "The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion." At the opening of City Hall in 2002.

26. "A pissometer?" The Prince sees the renames the piezometer water gauge demonstrated by Australian farmer Steve Filelti in 2000.

27. "Don't feed your rabbits pawpaw fruit – it acts as a contraceptive. Then again, it might not work on rabbits." Giving advice to a Caribbean rabbit breeder in Anguilla in 1994.

28. "You must be out of your minds." To Solomon Islanders, on being told that their population growth was 5 per cent a year, in 1982.

29. "Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant." At the 50th anniversary of the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme.

30. "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species." Accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991.

31. "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" In the Cayman Islands, 1994.

32. "You bloody silly fool!" To an elderly car park attendant who made the mistake of not recognising him at Cambridge University in 1997.

33. "Oh! You are the people ruining the rivers and the environment." To three young employees of a Scottish fish farm at Holyrood Palace in 1999.

34. "If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly." To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002.

35. "The French don't know how to cook breakfast." After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy – in 2002.

36. "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?" Asked in 1999 of Tory politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, whose parents are Jamaican. He replied: "Birmingham."

37. "Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease." On a visit to Australia in 1992, when asked if he wanted to stroke a koala bear.

38. "It doesn't look like much work goes on at this University." Overheard at Bristol University's engineering facility. It had been closed so that he and the Queen could officially open it in 2005.

39. "I wish he'd turn the microphone off!" The Prince expresses his opinion of Elton John's performance at the 73rd Royal Variety Show, 2001.

40. "Do you still throw spears at each other?" Prince Philip shocks Aboriginal leader William Brin at the Aboriginal Cultural Park in Queensland, 2002.

41. "Where's the Southern Comfort?" On being presented with a hamper of southern goods by the American ambassador in London in 1999.

42. "Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!" To parents during a visit to Fir Vale Comprehensive School in Sheffield, which had suffered poor academic reputation.

43. "Ah you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then? Ha, ha! Well done." Meeting 14-year old George Barlow, whose invited to the Queen to visit Romford, Essex, in 2003.

44. "So who's on drugs here?... HE looks as if he's on drugs." To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.

45. "You could do with losing a little bit of weight." To hopeful astronaut, 13-year-old Andrew Adams.

46. "You have mosquitoes. I have the Press." To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean in 1966.

47. "The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined." While hosts made effort to greet a state visit to Brazil, 1968.

48. "During the Blitz a lot of shops had their windows blown in and sometimes they put up notices saying, 'More open than usual.' I now declare this place more open than usual." Unveiling a plaque at the University of Hertfordshire's new Hatfield campus in November 2003.

49 . Philip: "Who are you?"

Simon Kelner: "I'm the editor-in-chief of The Independent, Sir."

Philip: "What are you doing here?"

Kelner: "You invited me."

Philip: "Well, you didn't have to come!"

An exchange at a press reception to mark the Golden Jubilee in 2002.

50. "No, I would probably end up spitting it out over everybody." Prince Philip declines the offer of some fish from Rick Stein's seafood deli in 2000.

51. "Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy." Discussing his role in an interview with Jeremy Paxman.

52. "Holidays are curious things, aren't they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life difficult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance." At the opening of a school in 2000.

53. "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans." In 2000.

54. "Can you tell the difference between them?" On being told by President Obama that he'd had breakfast with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia.

55. "I don't know how they are going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield." After meeting students from Brunei coming to Britain to study in 1998.

56. "Do people trip over you?" Meeting a wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident in 2002.

57. "That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?" Discussing the tartan designed for the Papal visit with then-Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie last year.

58. "I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Addressing a group of industrialists in 1961.

59. "It's not a very big one, but at least it's dead and it took an awful lot of killing!" Speaking about a crocodile he shot in Gambia in 1957.

60. "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard." To a young fashion designer at a Buckingham Palace in 2009.

61. "So you're responsible for the kind of crap Channel Four produces!" Speaking to then chairman of the channel, Michael Bishop, in 1962.

62. "Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years." Address to the General Dental Council, quoted in Time in 1960.

63. "Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance." Advice for a successful marriage in 1997.

64. "I never see any home cooking – all I get is fancy stuff." Commiserating about the standard of Buckingham Palace cuisine in 1962.

65. "I suppose I would get in a lot of trouble if I were to melt them down." On being shown Nottingham Forest FC's trophy collection in 1999.

66. "It makes you all look like Dracula's daughters!" To pupils at Queen Anne's School in Reading, who wear blood-red uniforms, in 1998.

67. "I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing." Dismissing claims that those who sell slaughtered meat have greater moral authority than those who participate in blood sports, in 1988.

68. "Ah, so this is feminist corner then." Joining a group of female Labour MPs, who were wearing name badges reading "Ms", at a Buckingham Palace drinks party in 2000.

69. "Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don't you have a slogan: 'Kill a cat and save a bird?'" On being told of a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965.

70. "All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury." Bemoaning the rate of British tax in 1963.

71. "It is my invariable custom to say something flattering to begin with so that I shall be excused if by any chance I put my foot in it later on." Full marks for honesty, from a speech in 1956.

72. "Why don't you go and live in a hostel to save cash?" Asked of a penniless student.

73. "In education, if in nothing else, the Scotsman knows what is best for him. Indeed, only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education." Said when he was made Chancellor of Edinburgh University in November 1953.

74. "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested." Of his daughter, Princess Anne.

75. "They're not mating are they?" Spotting two robots bumping in to one another at the Science Museum in 2000.

76. "I must be in the only person in Britain glad to see the back of that plane." Philip did not approve of the noise Concorde made while flying over the Buckingham Palace.

77. "The only active sport, which I follow, is polo – and most of the work's done by the pony!" 1965

78. "It looks like a tart's bedroom." On seeing plans for the Duke and then Duchess of York's house at Sunninghill Park.

79. "Reichskanzler." Prince Philip used Hitler's title to address German chancellor Helmut Kohl during a speech in Hanover in 1997.

80. "We go into the red next year... I shall probably have to give up polo." Comment on US television in 1969 about the Royal Family's finances.

81. "Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!" Showing his impatience to be fed at a dinner party in 2004.

82. "I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit." Said to a woman solicitor.

83. "You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you." Said to Sir Rennie Maudslay, Keeper of the Privy Purse, in the 1970s.

84. "What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer." Response to a comment at a small-business lunch about how difficult it is in Britain to get rich.

85. "This could only happen in a technical college." On getting stuck in a lift between two floors at the Heriot Watt University, 1958.

86. "I'd much rather have stayed in the Navy, frankly." When asked what he felt about his life in 1992.

87. "It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons" On being shown "primitive" Ethiopian art in 1965.

88. "You're not wearing mink knickers, are you?" Philip charms fashion writer Serena French at a World Wildlife Fund gathering in 1993.

89. "My son...er...owns them." On being asked on a Canadian tour whether he knew the Scilly Isles.

90. "Well, that's more than you know about anything else then." Speaking, a touch condescendingly, to Michael Buerk, after being told by the BBC newsreader that he did know about the Duke of Edinburgh's Gold Awards in 2004.

[trellanyx]

your jonathan crane (who i love so very much) and numbers 1 through... oh, lets say 25 ;)

(Send me a character and a number)

Have I told you how much I love you lately, Lizard? Because I do. Oh yes I do. 😂

Word vomiting about my Jon in 3, 2, 1...

1) Something this character is truly proud of.

His work, of course. Not just the toxin, but the breadth of his knowledge, his experiments, his successes and vengeances. Jonathan is an expert in his field, and considering what he went through to get there he’s damn proud of it.

2) Who they want to please the most.

Jonathan Crane does not give a single solitary fuck about what anyone thinks of him. The only satisfaction he cares about is his own. Considering how high his standards are, that’s a big enough challenge already.

3) Who depends on them.

No one. Jon may make you think you need him if that serves his end goal, but other than that he keeps his distance. If you’re in a position where you actually depend on Jonathan Crane’s services, you’re fucked.

4) What they would do if they had one month to live.

Work feverishly to A) preserve his work and B) push it as far as it can go before his body betrays him. Jon would be pulling such long, intense hours that it’s quite possible he’d drop dead before the month was up from sheer exhaustion. If he doesn’t, then he takes his magnum opus and goes out with a hell of a bang.

5) A cherished personal belonging.

Nothing. He has things he likes more than most: a tortoiseshell watch, a spring-loaded gun, his sturdiest boots, his sharpest scythe - the whole fear gauntlet, actually, impractical as it was - but nothing he’d go as far as to say he cherishes. Everything Jon owns is expendable, and no matter how attached he might be to something, there’s nothing he wouldn’t chuck in a fire instantly if he needed to. 

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back.

“Unlimited access to test subjects wrapped in a stable paycheck. Arkham’s much more fun on the other side of the straitjacket.”

7) This character’s favorite character

I give up. It’s been days. Days that this post has sat in my drafts while I tried to think of this asshole’s favorite character, and I’ve got nothing. I’ve come up with a couple of disparate headcanons involving Jon and fiction in general, but I have no answer for this one. I offer this as a placeholder: “He doesn’t have any because he’s a contrary and insufferable bastard.”

8) What kind of car they would drive.

Dark, boring, older than sin. The gas pedal is the most abused piece of equipment in South Gotham. There’s a stain on the backseat floor that Jon says is coffee, and no one is brave enough to question him. Edward refuses to be seen dead in it. One day Jon’s gonna take that as a challenge.

9) What calms them when they are upset.

It really depends on the type of distress that it is. The basic scale is this:

Drumming his nails against things, or just tapping against the nearest flat surface if his nails aren’t long enough. (Common response to most grievances.)

Stepping outside for a smoke. He goes back inside when he either feels better or runs out of cigarettes.

Pacing inside or stalking through the streets like he’s on his way to kill somebody, taking small, petty pleasure watching people jump out of his way.

Stewing in a corner with a bottle of strong alcohol.

Actually killing somebody.

10) How they deal with pain.

Grits his teeth and bears it. The first lesson he ever learned.

11) This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing.

As Scarecrow: His plague doctor mask, which replaced the traditional burlap after he stopped being able to feel fear.

As Jon: Custom winter gloves with longer fingers to accommodate his nails in the winter.

12) How they sleep.

I’ve talked about this before, actually! Here’s the quote:

Since he suffers from chronic insomnia and chronic I Have No Idea What Healthy Habits Look Like, Jonathan doesn’t go to bed very often. He’s more likely to pass out wherever he is - couch, desk, once on a morgue slab (don’t ask)… But when he does sleep in a bed, he tosses and turns a ridiculous amount. It’s not that he’s having nightmares (though with the way he moves, how could you tell), he just has a hard time getting comfortable. He’ll turn over at least 3-6 times before falling asleep, and he’ll keep shifting even after he does. It’s very common for Jonathan to fall asleep with three blankets and wake up with only one.

13) What kind of parent they would be.

*hysterical laughter* NO.

14) How they did in school.

He struggled with it a lot. Not because of a lack of intelligence or drive, but because:

Constant undernourishment and late night punishments made it difficult for Jon to stay awake in class. (His insomnia didn’t develop until he was in his early 20s.)

His homework was often late or mediocre because Jon did it after being beaten or kept busy with his grandmother’s laborious demands, if he was in a state to do it at all.

Jon’s glasses were almost never up to date. Constant squinting compounded by what Jon now knows were chronic migraines made class not only difficult to concentrate on, but physically painful.

Bullying. I don’t think I need to elaborate there.

Jon barely eked out a GPA high enough to get him into a local community college with the help of a scholarship targeted toward low-income families. Once his grandmother and bullies “helpfully” left the picture and Jon could focus on eliminating the obstacles above, he threw himself into his studies like a man possessed, and by the time he graduated, he’d secured himself entry to a post-baccalaureate program in Gotham. He used that as a stepping stone to med school and the rest is history.

15) What cologne or perfume they would use.

Jon doesn’t like either. His only indulgence in the smell department is almond-scented soap.

16) Their sexuality.

It varies depending on what version of him I’m playing, but it’s always either bi or gay.

17) What they’d sing at karaoke.

Something slow, creepy and mournful, probably not even on the set list, while he stares at you unblinking and makes you regret every decision in your life that helped force him onstage. You don’t ask for an encore.

18) Special talents they have.

Jon is double-jointed, a great whistler, sews all his costumes and is an adequate mechanic. See the “should be dead twelve times over” car he still drives. He’s also a better swimmer than people give him credit for, something that’s saved his life more than once.

19) When they feel safest.

In front of a fireplace. Jon can’t really explain it, nor does it make sense considering how much he hates heat in general. But there’s something about sitting in front of a fire that really relaxes him. (Don’t bother with the scarecrow/fire jokes, he’s heard them all.)

20) Household chore they hate the most.

Bathrooms.

21) Their fondest childhood memory.

“Killing them.”

22) How they spend their money.

Books, chemicals, caffeine, alcohol, weapons. And then living essentials. Maybe. Depends on how low he is on nicotine. (Jon’s spending habits are so predictable it became a running joke on campus, what did you expect.)

23) What kind of alcohol they drink.

He’s not picky, but nothing beats a finely aged whiskey. He’s also partial to Black Russians.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves.

Useful as it can be, Jon regrets the loss of his ability to feel fear. He also wishes he didn’t get migraines so often. Nothing on the personality front, though: Jon knows what he is.

25) What other people wish they could change about them.

Oh honey, there’s not enough hours in the day to list all that.

[buc3t4l0v3r]

I would like to request a 2012 TMNT matchup for my OC, Avery.

(It seems to me that mutagen works by joining you with whatever you last touched, so that being said...) When she met the guys, one of them had tried to push her out of the way and accidentally ended up pushing her directly into the path of mutagen. (So with that previous mutagen logic-a half human, half turtle combo with 100% human...) She's like 80% human and like 20% turtle.

Her backstory (kinda):

Avery lived with her grandpa after her parents died when she was pretty young. Her grandpa practically raised her and they were very close. He had started suffering from dementia a few years ago and when she was mutated and her grandpa saw her, he freaked out, and the dementia didn't help. So now she lives between the lair and April's. Since she's only partly turtle and mostly human, she has green skin with vitiligo and four fingers, but that's the only real difference. Her facial features changed somewhat, but if she uses enough makeup and face paint - she's able to go out in public.

More or less what she looks like:

Anyways, now for her details:

She's about 5'4", has grey-blue eyes, and medium/long length dark brown hair. She really likes makeup and dresses and having her nails done, but she also doesn't mind getting down and dirty or getting covered in grease. Her favorite season is winter because she absolutely loves the snow, warm fires, sweaters, hot chocolate, and just always feeling comfy. Her favorite holiday is Halloween, though. Very into true crime and horror movies. Loves to read and draw. Not completely useless in a fight, but not very helpful either. Usually just avoids it. Not afraid to tell someone off, but doesn't usually ever have to because she basically gets along with everyone. Is a very genuine person. Typically honest, but ready enough to tell little white lies now and then. Also she really like watching baseball.

Pretty diverse with activities - cue:

Hanging out in the lab with Donnie and questioning him about what he's doing and how things works (Is actually interested, but doesn't understand half the things he says).

Video games, pranks, skateboarding, and dance parties with Mikey. (Actually her best friend).

Workouts, sneaking out, and drum sessions with Raph, even thought they both know she isn't very good.

Long talks, sci-fi binges, and training with Leo. Cue complete nerd sessions about the favorite TV shows.

Can't forget one on one hockey matches and graffiti-ing with Casey.

Or sleepovers and long needed girl time with April

Hello :) sorry for the long time I took in this ask, I'm having some medical issues and sometimes I need rest, I hope you like it anyway ♡

I'd match you with...

Leo ♡

The leader loves you!

He feels sorry for your situation with your grandpa but there isn't too much he can do

But every time you're feeling down he'll quickly prepare a cup of tea just for you guys to enjoy while chatting or just being close to one another

Obviously he feels guilty for your mutation and apologies 24/7

He's a little more relaxed when you said you were able to go out and live your normal life

He loves watching tv shows with you! Sometimes you have tiny discussions about which show you should watch

So many options!!!

He's not into horror movies

And it's not because he's afraid of them

Okay he is

But will never admit it

Actually horror movies are a good excuse to hug you whenever he's scared ;)

Being the leader and having the responsibility to take care of his younger brothers he can feel a little bit exhaust

So it's good he has such a special person at his side

He admires the fact you can easily get along with anyone

This turtle boy also loves winter! So you guys can have a special date (and by date I mean cuddling in the couch and watching Netflix)

Sometimes he'll try to tell you a joke just to make you laugh but 90% of them are terrible

Poor boy

He'll train you and teach you how to fight and defend yourself

Will try to make you meditate with him because he loves having your company

Sometimes he feels jealous of how much you and Mikey are close

But he trusts you obviously

He couldn't ask for a better partner

You're his favorite person and he'll protect you no matter what

And he'll always love you :)♡

Hope you like it ♡

[fuccubi]

[open ish* starter; pref a lil plotting prior; #cw: alcoholism, withdrawal symptoms, rehab, appropriately vulgar language, obviously nsfw]

"Either you check yourself into rehab, or we're going to have to let you go. And with him calling for your head, you're practically walking dead if you leave this studio, sweetheart. You're gonna have to show them you're sorry."

The only timing Verosika knows is inappropriate- because while her manager is talking her ear off about her latest stunt pissing off some bigshot demon Overlord, she's been blowing a bright pink bubble the size of the top trending porn star's right nut. And from what she's heard: it's pretty big. But she doesn't stop there; oh no, the bubble keeps expanding from sizable teste to his co-star's double D tit. Critical mass is either one of their fat asses- but Verosika doesn't quite reach it before-- pop! Damn. The flavor's out anyways. She simply twirls the chewed gum around her finger before flicking it to the recording booth's glass.

"I'm not. And make sure you collect that. Some freak will give you his holiday bonus just to jack off his tiny dick while sucking my spit from it."

"Verosika. Pretend. You're good at that, aren't you? Performing. Play nice. Our hands are tied here. It'll only be a month while this scandal blows over. Think of it like a vacation."

It took Verosika less than three days to realize rehab was definitely far from any vacation. Even if the place was basically a luxury spa retreat, even if the facility advertised peace and quiet and solace from the voyeuristic prying eyes of media during their A-lister clientele's journey to personal betterment and reflective enlightenment, whatever the fuck that pretentious bullshit meant, rehab didn't have the one thing that would make this trip actually relaxing for her: some goddamn booze.

By the end of the week, Verosika made a very important decision. She was going to fire her management team the moment she was free from this place. And then, set their cars on fire. The counselor said this was retrogressive sentiment. She decided she was going to set his car on fire too.

Who even needs hallucinogens when withdrawal has the same side effects? It only comes in the taunting face of her shitty little ex boyfriend variety, but that's certainly something to entertain her at night. Also included: cold sweats, tremors, nausea, and headaches. No refunds. And who could forget irritability- but she already had that collectible coming in. At least hers was limited edition.

By the second week, she has to wonder. Why is there rehab in Hell? Who's fucking funding it? A sick bastard for sure. Some real nasty fucking pervert who's getting off to their suffering, dick in hand, watching them through every hallway security camera, just waiting for them to foam at the mouth when it's detox medication day. His car? Definitely getting torched.

It's bad enough that she's tweaking 24/7, but apparently it's prohibited to fuck the other residents. So, she can't even distract herself with a few haphazardly attained orgasms. Rehab really does belong in Hell- it's a place of the most horrible torture. Verosika understands this now.

By the middle of the third week, an incredibly surly Verosika Mayday drags herself into the scheduled group therapy where they come together to discuss their feelings, sing kumbaya, play in a drum circle, before engaging in some emotional orgy where the only people getting off at the end are the nurses- because their shift is over and so is the day.

The succubus popstar plants herself in the only seat left available. Verosika hasn't even bothered getting properly dressed, even though it's the afternoon by now. She sports but an oversized and fluffy fur robe, all white with just a the slightest tinge of pink. Besides her thigh high black boots, it's unlikely she's wearing anything else underneath. Somehow, she managed to convince the staff her shades were necessary to keep the bright lights from sending her into a fit. In actuality, there probably was some benefit to keeping them. But really, she looks fucking baller in glasses so, of course, she wants them to stay on.

"Hey baby~." Verosika, sitting on her chair sideways with one elbow propped against the back of it while resting her cheek against her knuckles, looks over the brim of her shades in the direction of the nearest occupied seat. "How long do you think it'll take before the doc pops a pocket rocket because of the slutty shit you say today? I'll give him five minutes, then he'll hide his stiffy under his dorky little clipboard for the rest of the hour."

[cannibalcreepers]

(I'm just going to get this one out of the way this is the one that was saying maybe personal to you and that it is to me) How would the hiliker brothers react to finding out that their s/o is suicidal and and the only reason they found that out is because they found her cutting herself. Separately

TW// Mention of Suicide, Mention of Cutting 

I am not someone who is really good with dealing with another person who suffers from suicidal thoughts and actions, as someone who suffers to a similar situation I had to think on how the boys will act.  It is hard because on one hand they could be extremely dismissive and uncaring or they may attempt something if they care enough.  They care about each other enough to do something so with a s/o who has developed a deep relationship with them, I wrote them as though they care enough. 

So let’s get into it

------

There is one thing to surely know about the Hilliker Brothers is they are not stupid to the concept of suicide and mental illness, they had been stolen and placed into a Sanatorium after all and have both seen and done many things, they themselves had cause self inflicted injuries themselves, more out of inbred cannibalistic insanity than depression or suicidal tendencies. 

They kind of understood how and why it happens, as children they had seen how it unravels in people, witnessed patients, guards and nurses harm themselves or commit suicide, sometimes because of what the three brothers done to push the staff members to such horrible fates by terrorizing them.  

So when they came across you cutting yourself, they would each react in their own way. 

Saw-Tooth:

His first reaction in catching you in the act of slicing into your thigh, the large man almost broke your wrist when he grabbed you to tear the small pocket knife from your grasp. You had let out a scream when he had grabbed you, more from the fact he had came out of nowhere and spooked you than the fact he grabbed you so harshly

Saw-Tooth let out a deep gutted growl as he lifted you up to your feet, ignoring your protests and tears, he would grab at your thigh and gave it a squeeze which caused more blood to ooze and trickle down your leg, the pain now more painfully searing than how it felt when cut into it. It was Saw-Tooth's way of demanding what you were doing, as though he was trying to ask '‘Why?!’ as his eyes glared into yours. 

You had to try and remember who you were in the presence of, Saw-Tooth was sadly the least emotionally sensitive of the three boys and all he saw was you damaging yourself for no good reason. But all you could do was sputter and sob at how he was reacting, cause him to huff and drop you down and look at the wounds you inflicted on yourself, giving you demanding gestures to clean yourself up.  After cleaning up the blood, patching yourself up and wiping away your tears, all under the disapproving glare of the large cannibal, would you slowly reach up to take a hold of one of his fingers, which he allowed. Your thumb tracing of the wrinkles and ridges of his skin before opening up to explain why you had such thoughts and how you felt as though you deserve to be harmed and hurting both on the outside and inside. 

Now that his temper had resided, he would take time to listen to your story and understand why you were doing what you were doing. He was silent, thinking of what he could do to make you stop but not much could be done other than to confiscate any sharp items in your presence and to have you watched 24/7. When you had finished, he would glance over to your teary face and reach up to stroke your cheek with his knuckles gently, catching a tear and wiping it away as he let out a gentle grunt, a small way of showing he did care about what was happening. From then on he’d be more observant, you will lose alone-time privileges and have at least one of the boys around you at all times, you had also lost any gifted weapons and not allowed to use sharp or dangerous objects without supervision. It was the price of keeping you safe from yourself, Saw-Tooth would be controlling and in his mind it was for your own good.

Three-Fingers:

You had not even heard the smaller brother coming up to where you were hiding in the bathroom, you had snuck away to deal with the personal intrusive thoughts pushing their way into your brain, it was too much and you had to do something to deal with them all.  So as you were curled up, a piece of broken glass in hand that was already covered in small droplets of your blood, you did not expect a thin gloved hand with only three deformed fingers to suddenly wrap around your bleeding arm and yank you up from where you were in the tub. Three-Fingers was strong for someone so thin and small, he was able to easily pull you up out of the tub and onto the bathroom floor, his grip tight enough that it felt like he was going to snap your arm in half as you let out a gasp and stared at him in shock from how he was currently treating you. He looked angry, twisting your arm to look at the cuts that was leaking blood down your pretty skin, his hairless brows coming together as he was trying to figure out why you were hurting yourself, you were no good dead, did you not understand how much he and his brothers cared for you and looked after you? 

You had let out a small whimper at how angry he looked, the fear in your eyes was enough to make him hesitate, his sharp blues staring deep into yours as he was trying to read you before letting go to grab something to stop the bleeding. He wanted you to explain yourself, but for now you were too much in tears to say a word as he was wiping away any blood and began wrapping up the wounds.

So through a series of sniffles, sobs and mumbles did you finally get to explain why you were cutting into yourself, the feelings you felt and the thoughts in your head and Three-Fingers was silent through the whole of it, not like he could say anything being as neither brothers could speak a single sentence of coherent words. When you were finished talking, your large wet eyes staring at the cannibal's face, your bottom lip out in a slight pout which he reached out to run a thumb across gently before moving it to stroke back your hair. He would give you a smile and tug you close to his body so he could wrap his arms around your body and hug you close, without words it was enough to tell you he was going to keep you safe and not alone, this was a struggle you wouldn’t need to be alone for though he could not help you all the way through, with some help from his brothers you would be a bit more monitored of course, he would become more wary of having deadly items around you now but would not confiscate them like a certain big man would. He would become a little more affection than normal and would encourage the other two to do so as well, as he thinks it would be a way to fix these thoughts you are having. Either way, you end up getting more hugs and attention than ever before.

One-Eye:

In many ways the middle child Hilliker was not the brightest in picking up signs of something not being right, while his brothers could sense danger a mile away, he was the kind of person who wouldn’t notice someone crawling under his feet. 

So when he comes across you digging into your wrist with one of the many knives that littered their home, he froze and stared at you and in response to being caught you did the exact same. Your eyes went wide and breath hitched at having this sweet man catch you in such a vulnerable state,  his expression gave away how confused he was at what he was seeing as though his brain was trying to figure out how you ended up getting blood over your arm and why you had cuts. But your sudden wave of emotions that hit you was enough to snap One-Eye out of his confused state as he quickly hurried to your sobbing form and wrapped his arms around you, pressing his forehead against your as he began rubbing your shoulder with one hand and the other reaching out to gently take the knife from your hand. One-Eye was not like his brothers in temper, he didn’t burst into rage so easily or quickly, this you were more thankful off as you turned your face and buried it deep into his neck as you let yourself sob as he did his best to clean up you arm, running a thumb over the open wounds which made them sting a bit more. He was confused by the scenario but was not going to let that stop him from helping you get cleaned up and feel safe, or what he thought made you feel safe. He didn’t demand anything from you other than tugging at you to stand up and follow him out of the bathroom and into the main living area where he could pull you to lay in bed and just hold you there. 

Without any sounds or disapproving looks One-Eye had done more by just holding you close than what the other two boys could do, sure it was no cure and your mental state was not fixed but it helped you in this current time as he just ran his fingers through your hair and down your spine, letting you rest your head on his chest and just hear his heavy set breathing and the drum of his heart beat. He would not let his brothers know if you wanted it to be kept a secret, but from now on One-Eye would be more vigilant in watching you and keep an eye out on what made you harm yourself. When you were ready you could tell the boy having him fully understand will be a challenge but he will listen to you just talking, hearing your words but not taking them in is what One-Eye does best and it gives you a chance to spill anything from your chest without judgment. This boy is really only good for hugs and smooches, if that is all the comfort you need that is all you will receive. 

[voodoochili]

My 75 Favorite Albums of 2020

Every year produces excellent music and 2020 was no exception. The exceptional thing about this year, though, is the loss of livelihood so many musicians suffered as a result of the pandemic. To better celebrate all I’ve listened to and loved this year, I’ve expanded my albums list from 50 to 75 albums and included a highlight track from each in the Spotify playlist below. If you like what you hear, why not throw the artist a few dollars on Bandcamp?

Check the Spotify playlist HERE.

Without further ado, my favorite albums of 2020. Happy New Year, and happy listening!

10. Playboi Carti - Whole Lotta Red: Carti’s long-awaited opus has only been out for a week, which is probably not a long enough time to give an album as sprawling and surprising as this one a full critical evaluation. But I do know when I’m hearing something that’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard: this album rearranges hip-hop at the molecular level. 

Whole Lotta Red is overstuffed with invention, the glitchy, expansive production giving Carti ample opportunity to glom onto the contours of the beat and experiment with his voice. That voice is the album’s main attraction: it squeaks, it squeals, it roars, it spits, it shudders, and organizes itself into irresistibly ignorant mantras (my current favorite is “Lamborghini parked outside, it’s purple like lean”). 

Across its 24 tracks (which feels like too many, sure, but only the 5-minute long Kid Cudi-infected droner “Metamorphosis” overstays its welcome), Carti plays with listener expectations, annihilating rap songwriting conventions (why do you need verse-chorus structure if every line is a hook) as he defiantly proclaims his desire to be unlike anybody else. Though it bears some resemblance in sound and subject matter to Future’s Monster (and much of the production owes a debt to the work of Lil Uzi Vert’s favored Working Of Dying collective), Whole Lotta Red firmly establishes Carti as a totemic figure connecting mainstream and underground sounds.

9. BbyMutha - Muthaland: BbyMutha is a natural born spitter, armed with a drawly stutter-stepping flow that routinely annihilates unconventional instrumentals. She glows with supreme confidence and comfort in her own skin, especially when she’s dripping with disdain with those who’d dare refuse her the respect she deserves. A 25-track opus that earns every minute of its runtime, Muthaland is an engrossing immersion into Mutha’s world, balancing a fascination with the occult (“Sorry I don’t fuck with n****s who don’t fuck with Satan”) with grounding interjections from close friends and her four children. Boasting rockstar fantasies like “Heavy Metal,” bad girl anthems like “Nice Guy,” and dancefloor-ready jams like “Cocaine Catwalk,” Muthaland is a tour-de-force by one of rap’s singular voices, and if she’s really finished with music as she’s claimed (rappers never really retire, but Mutha has indicated she wants to focus full time on her Apothecary), the game will greatly miss her incisive punchlines and crudely empowering perspective.

8. Westerman - Your Hero Is Not Dead: In 2020, Mid-’80s sophistipop grew into one of my favorite comfort foods. Westerman’s Your Hero Is Not Dead struck me directly in the sophistipop sweet spot, evoking the attention-to-detail and synth-heavy craftsmanship of that era and pairing it with harmonic complexity and a piercing emotionalism that recalls his idol Neil Young. On songs like “Blue Comanche” and “The Line,” Westerman constructs tales as twisty as his melodies, economically exploring how people relate to each other at the beginning and end of romantic relationships. Westerman complements his tasteful palette of synth sounds with intricate and lyrical guitar playing, most notably on the sighing, gorgeous instrumental “Float Over,” which softly segues into the title track to end the album on a gently-rising high note.

7. WizKid - Made In Lagos: The focal point of the sub-Saharan Afrobeats renaissance, Lagos is having one of the most exciting musical moments of any city since Kingston in the early ‘70s. WizKid is one of the scene’s biggest stars, with an ability to combine the sonic tapestry of his hometown with Caribbean-influenced beats and vocal styles. Made In Lagos is a masterwork of sound design, bringing creamy bass, chicken-scratch speckles of guitar, tasteful interjections of saxophone and brass, and an intoxicating mix of acoustic and electronic percussion, all offered in service to an immaculate vibe that matches the album cover’s shiny, monochromatic color scheme. Made with lockdown in mind, the album eschews uptempo dancefloor workouts in favor of stress-relief and romance. WizKid plays the perfect host, tamping down his melodic flights of fancy and embracing a song-serving smoothness. He’s a warm and inviting presence throughout, laying out the red carpet for a cross-continental cast of collaborators like H.E.R., Skepta, Burna Boy, and Damian Marley. The result is a truly global pop masterpiece, capable of brightening even the dourest day of a miserable year.

6. Ka - Descendants of Cain: Firefighter by day and rapper/producer by night, Ka is a master of allusion. He organizes his thoughts into themed collections of metaphor, illustrating the bleak realities of street life with gnomic symbolism. On Descendants Of Cain, Ka’s strongest work to date, the enigmatic rapper expresses himself through a litany of biblical references, drawing parallels between ancient parables (he goes far deeper than the Cain/’caine double entendre that rappers have been using for decades) and the stark code of morality with which he lives his life. The 48-year-old hermit produced the project himself, creating an immersive sonic realm, crafting expansive, noir-ish backing tracks populated by late-night saxophones, sparkling pianos, and the occasional shot of sweeping strings. Once again, Ka’s music comes almost entirely without drums (certainly without “beats” in the traditional hip-hop sense–every once in a while, he adds an open hi-hat or a subdued shaker), the artist preferring to let his music swirl around his half-whispered words of wisdom. The album ends on a tearful, sentimental note with “I Love (Mimi, Moms, Kev),” in which the artist ditches the biblical lyrical conceit and expresses his love for his wife, his mom, and his best friend atop light percussion and a warm soul sample.

5. SAULT - Untitled (Rise): Rise is the second part of a diptych that SAULT recorded in response to the movement that exploded in the wake of George Floyd’s death. Black Is, the first part, is a great album (you’ll find it in the lower reaches of my 2020 list), but the mysterious UK collective fulfilled their immense potential with Rise, a propulsive, powerful, and danceable album that doubles as a thought-provoking examination of the nature of freedom and liberation. The album tackles weighty topics–police violence, fake-woke “allies,” protest, cultural appropriation–but handles them with an inspiring effervescence and a propulsion meant to usher right-thinking people into the streets. The music itself is an intoxicating marvel, combining elements from every trendy musical movement from the early ‘80s (post-disco, post-punk, house, hip-hop, whatever the hell ESG was) into a percussive and surprisingly cohesive cocktail. The album immediately makes its greatness known with its first four songs, one of the strongest opening runs of any album in recent memory: the swaggering, funky, keep-your-head-up anthem “Strong,” which features a drum solo from SAULT architect Inflo, the soaring, club-ready vamp “Fearless,” concept-establishing, string-heavy interlude “Rise,” and especially “I Just Want to Dance,” the best song ESG never wrote. 

4. Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters: Fetch The Bolt Cutters arrived with the kind of universal acclaim that can make some people suspicious. The Pitchfork review got a lot of attention, not just for its perfect score but for its bold statement that “no music has ever sounded quite like it.” 

That statement might’ve been slightly hyperbolic. Fetch The Bolt Cutters has the kind of propulsive left-hand piano figures, chest-thumping percussion, and impassioned vocal performances that we haven’t heard since...the last Fiona Apple album. But the album deserves its experimental reputation. These songs mess around with song structure and melody in ways that resemble avant-garde singers like Meredith Monk, use overlapping vocals that occasionally evoke the works of post-modern composers like Luciano Berio, and echoing modernist composers like Edgard Varese in the way she wrings pathos out of rhythmic elements.

Though Fetch might be a slight step down from The Idler Wheel, it’s an invigorating listen, packed with the soul-baring confessionals that only Fiona is capable of executing. Combining literary wordplay with plainspoken directness, Fiona forces the listener to confront her trauma and contemplate her diagnoses of patriarchal ills. The songs are uniformly excellent–especially opener “I Want You To Love Me,” the most “traditional” song on the record, and “Shameika,” a burrowing childhood rumination with a happy ending–but Fetch The Bolt Cutters stands out to me as a collection of amazing moments: when the jig-like “For Her” fades into an unforgettably painful cadence (“Good mornin’, good mornin’/You raped me in the same bed your daughter was born in”), Fiona’s ground-shaking vocal intensity at the end of “Newspaper,” her dogs howling over the outro of “Fetch The Bolt Cutters,” the winking repetition of the title phrase on “Ladies.” Her albums display more than enough ambition to forgive the long gestation periods, but hopefully we won’t have to wait another 8 years for Fiona to bare her soul once again.

3. Drakeo The Ruler - Thank You For Using GTL: Embroiled in a Kafkaesque legal saga that shines a light on the worst aspects of our horrendous justice system, Drakeo The Ruler spent more than three years wrongly incarcerated for a crime he not only did not commit, but for which he was acquitted (for more info on Drakeo’s ordeal, read Jeff Weiss). He’s now mercifully a free man, mostly due to the work of his lawyer, but at least partially because of publicity generated by Thank You For Using GTL. Recorded over the phone from prison during the height of the pandemic, it’s a miracle that an album created under such sub-optimal conditions sounds as excellent as it does, but credit producer JoogSzn–who not only supplied the creeping, head-nodding backing tracks but recorded Drakeo’s phoned-in vocals–and engineer MixedByNavin for the project’s astonishing fidelity. Drakeo and Joog spent hours on the phone to record the album, in the process paying thousands of dollars to GTL, the predatory telecom company of choice for the L.A. corrections system, whose mechanical interjections serve as a constant reminder of the injustice that made the album necessary. Of course, a good story is a good story, but that alone doesn’t get an album on 2020’s most prestigious Best Albums list (mine). It’s a classic rap album, perhaps the best ever released by an incarcerated rapper, and a thumb directly in the nose of the D.A. and the LAPD. The album is a lyrical marvel, packed with winding wordplay and outlandish flexes, as Mr. Mosley takes aim at 6ix9ine, cackles at sorry-ass Instagram haters, and sneers at American-made cars (“To be honest, a Hellcat isn’t a foreign”). Each song has a carefully considered concept, the rapper’s punchlines building upon one another to make an airtight case for his status as L.A.’s top dog. He contrasts his own whip-crashing lifestyle with flashy wannabes on “GTA VI” and “Backflip or Sumn,” mourns a favorite department store on “RIP Barneys,” and proves he still doesn’t rap beef on “Maestro’s Tension.” The album’s masterstroke comes with “Fictional,” the final track, in which Drakeo exposes the prosecution’s use of his lyrics as evidence in criminal proceedings as the farce it is: “It might sound real, but it’s fictional/I love that my imagination gets to you.” Drakeo’s story was a rare bright spot in 2020, and a rare one with a happy ending. Just last week, the rapper released Because Y’All Asked, a studio-recorded version of Thank You For Using GTL, giving the album’s songs the clarity they deserve. But I think I’ll mostly return to the original, which will live on as an excellent album and a vital document of post-George Floyd America.

2. Pa Salieu - Send Them to Coventry: Hailing from the middle of nowhere–or, more accurately city in the English Midlands only known in the states for its middling Premier League team–Gambian-British artist Pa Salieu served up the most distinctive, visceral, and daring rap debut of the year. His style fuses elements of grime, drill, afro-trap, dancehall, and the darker edges of U.S. hip-hop into a percussive slurry, injected with the urgency of his struggle to survive. The magic of the album comes from the way Pa’s fluid flows interact with the shimmering and foreboding production (Felix Joseph and Aod lead the cast of the project’s sound architects), which is perfectly suited for cold city nights. He slips effortlessly into the pocket, toe-tagging the beats with a combination of aggression and trance-like meditation and uttering casually powerful pronouncements (“I'd make a killa riddim offa any riddim/The grind can never stop 'til I'm wrapped in linen”) that make you believe he’s Britain’s next great rapper. Pa keeps the vibe consistent throughout, but the moments that stand out are the moments when he locks into an unbreakable groove over no-frills production, like on singles “Block Boy,” “Betty,” and “B***K.” The artist’s wry sense of humor and brash confidence keeps the album from feeling bleak, but Send Them To Coventry wisely ends on “Energy,” a warm and bright ode to keeping your creative spark safe from the prying forces of fame and fortune.

1. Kassa Overall - I Think I’m Good: “I think I’m good”–a phrase that’s ran through my head throughout this shitstorm of a year. Sure, I postponed a wedding, cancelled trips, and saw my friends and family much less often than I would like, but I count myself among the lucky ones. Still breathing, still sane. Though it was recorded and released before the pandemic started, Kassa Overall’s I Think I’m Good became a lodestar of sorts for me. It’s a brilliantly introspective and deeply personal album about existing in enclosed spaces–whether a jail cell, an NYC subway car, or the inescapable prison of your own body.

Kassa Overall made his name as a jazz drummer, touring with icons like Geri Allen, but his solo music incorporates elements of hip-hop, classical, and trap to create a wholly original milieu. The album features contributions from over 30 accomplished voices, ranging from luminary Vijay Iyer, to Kassa’s saxophonist brother Carlos Overall, to virtuosic pianist Sullivan Fortner, to venerated activist Angela Davis. But all the disparate elements come together in service of Kassa’s deeply personal and engrossing vision.

Taking partial inspiration from Kassa’s struggle with manic depression, the music fluctuates between meditative calm and unbearable tension, mimicking the patter of an unquiet mind. Album opener “Visible Walls,” is a mesmerizing prayer for salvation soundtracked by fluttering harps, piercing woodwinds, and heartbeat percussion. “Find Me” buries a plea for help within a cacophony of sampled voices and rattling piano notes. Fortner’s piano guides us through the hauntingly devastating “Halfway House” and the Chopin-indebted “Darkness In Mind,” each highlighting a different stage of grief (despair and acceptance, respectively). The arc of I Think I’m Good concludes with the hopeful “Got Me A Plan” and “Was She Happy (For Geri Allen),” a Vijay Iyer-assisted tribute to his late friend and mentor. 

It’s ironic that an album that so deeply explores the feeling of isolation vibrates with such a collaborative spirit. I Think I’m Good feels like an answered prayer–a community coming together to check on a beloved friend who’s gone through a tough time: “You good, man?” “I think so.”

Here’s the rest of my list.

11. Yves Tumor - Heaven To A Tortured Mind 12. Shackleton & Waclaw Zimpel - Primal Forms 13. Bob Dylan - Rough & Rowdy Ways 14. Duval Timothy - Help 15. Lil Uzi Vert - Eternal Atake 16. Moodymann - Taken Away 17. Secret Drum Band - Chuva 18. J Hus - Big Conspiracy 19. Headie One & Fred Again - GANG 20. Tiwa Savage - Celia 21. Andras - Joyful 22. Bill Callahan - Gold Record 23. King Von - Welcome To O’Block 24. Flo Milli - Ho, Why Is You Here? 25. Chubby & The Gang - Speed Kills 26. Madeline Kenney - Sucker’s Lunch 27. Empty Country - Empty Country 28. Smino - She Already Decided 29. Destroyer - Have We Met 30. Yves Jarvis - Sundry Rock Song Stock 31. Ela Minus - Acts Of Rebellion 32. Creeper - Sex, Death & The Infinite Void 33. Alabaster DePlume - To Cy & Lee: Instrumentals, Vol. 1 34. Good Sad Happy Bad - Shades 35. The 1975 - Notes On a Conditional Form 36. Kate NV - Room For The Moon 37. $ilkmoney - Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 38. Eddie Chacon - Pleasure, Joy and Happiness 39. Kenny Segal & Serengeti - Ajai 40. Bad Bunny - YHLQMDLG 41. Kahlil Blu - DOG 42. Califone - Echo Mine 43. Boldy James - The Price of Tea in China/Manger On McNichols/The Versace Tape 44. Bufiman - Albumsi 45. Moses Boyd - Dark Matter 46. Thanya Iyer - KIND 47. Jyoti - Mama You Can Bet! 48. Obongjayar - Which Way Is Forward? 49. Rio Da Yung OG - City On My Back 50. Young Jesus - Welcome To Conceptual Beach 51. Owen Pallett - Island 52. Oceanator - Things I Never Said 53. Shootergang Kony - Red Paint Reverend 54. Shabason, Krgovich & Harris - Philadelphia 55. Six Organs of Admittance - Companion Rises 56. Lido Pimienta - Miss Colombia 57. Kelly Lee Owens - Inner Song 58. Polo G - The GOAT 59. Actress - Karma & Desire 60. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher 61. Porridge Radio - Every Bad 62. Yg Teck - Eyes Won’t Close 63. Mozzy - Beyond Bulletproof 64. Ratboys - Printer’s Devil 65. R.A.P. Ferreira - Purple Moonlight Pages 66. Ulver - Flowers of Evil 67. Rina Sawayama - SAWAYAMA 68. SAULT - Untitled (Black Is) 69. Ezra Feinberg - Recumbent Speech 70. Davido - A Better Time 71. Hailu Mergia - Yene Mircha 72. HAIM - Women In Music Pt. III 73. Half Waif - The Caretaker 74. Key Glock - Yellow Tape 75. KeiyAa - Forever Your Girl

[hyperions-strap]

Jack VS His Chair.

Summary: Jack is 6 months pregnant, and it seems his office just isn't suitable for him anymore. His luxurious chair doesn't give him the support his aching sore back needs.

💝 Link for AO3 💝

Note: Feel free to send me other prompts for omega!Jack here on Tumblr!

Jack isn’t known for his patience on the best of days, but when carrying around a 3 pound developing baby (give or take) on his hips, influencing his mood and needs 24/7, it’s safe to say his patience is nonexistent. He can still do his job perfectly well, but there’s just more obstacles now. More nuisances that catch his attention, distract his focus, and cause him to act out. 

Meetings are slow today, which should be a good thing, but all it means is Jack gets to spend more time sitting behind his desk, filtering between finance reports, and marketing contracts, and submissions for new weapons that can utilize the latest strain of Slag to its best ability. On most days that’s not too bad - a little boring, but all in all, harmless - but since entering his third trimester, he hates sitting at his desk. 

Jack generally can’t sit anywhere for too long, less he faces the wrath of his backache getting unbearable. Sometimes the agony moves through his bones and cramps his limbs, or his chest, or his neck. It’s like his back commands the troops to torture his muscles. In most cases the only cure is a back massage, courtesy of his lover's fingers, but that's not an option currently. Rhys is at Atlas for a few hours, busy schmoozing some benefactors willing to fund his latest string of cryo sniper rifles. This means Jack has to begrudgingly power through the pain. 

3 more months, give or take. That's how long he has left of suffering before the demon spawn draining his life will be in his arms. In theory, 3 months isn't a very long amount of time, but time moves so painstakingly slow when pregnant. He tries to remind himself the reward at the end is worth the pain, but then one of his hellish symptoms kicks in with a wrath. 

His keyboard rattles as he types feverishly, until a strong, searing pain shoots up his spine. He sucks in sharply and holds his breath, freezing. The pain burns at his vertebrae, almost like it's being squeezed by hands caught on fire, determined to make his bones crack. He exhales heavily and leans back in his lavish office chair. He rests a hand on top of his round belly.

"Give daddy a break, will you, princess?" He tries to bargain with his unborn child, but there's no change in his state. The pain doesn't subside, and neither does his irritation. He rubs down his belly, sighing, looking down at his bloated midsection in disappointment. "You know your life is in my hands, right? You really shouldn't be pissing me off."

Silence.

Not that he'd expected a verbal response. He groans under his breath, hiking himself up and leaning over the desk. He pushes a button on his phone and waits patiently, drumming his fingers on his desk.

"This is Rhys Strongfork, CEO of Atlas corporation, how can I help you?"

He sounds so self righteous and smug, Jack can't help but snicker. "Hay, kitten, how's my favourite rival doing?" He leans back in his seat again. He places a hand on the small of his back and pushes his palm deep into his flesh, hoping to subside the pain. It's miniscule, may as well be nothing.

He hears a light cluttering as Rhys fusses over nick-nacks on his desk. "I should be the one checking in on you. How's our little girl?"

Jack rolls his eyes and sighs. "She's fine. I'm peachy too, thanks for asking."

"I was about to ask how you were too, don't get jealous."

Jack hates the smug, amused tone in his voice. "You could at least ask about me first, since I'm the one lugging around the brat." He rubs the underside of his belly. As usual, a strip of skin peaks free from the confines of his stretched sweater. Rhys has bought him a plethora of clothes to fit his ever growing form, but Jack still insists on wearing his faithful Hyperion sweater. The material is beyond stretched out now, it's working tirelessly to keep him modest, but it can't work miracles. A 6 month pregnant omega bump is too powerful for its cotton.

He hears further rustling on Rhys' end of the phone. He digs the heel of his palm into the side of his belly and holds his breath. A dull pain ricochets from his back round to his abdomen. He manages to distribute the pain and ease the intensity, but little can be done about his back.

"You know I've got baby brain, Jack. Nothing but babies - baby, baby, baby-- it's a curse!"

"Yeah, well you better force me back to front and center. I'm the one doing the hard work, not her."

Rhys laughs softly. "How are you, Jack?" He asks sincerely, though amused. Jack is happy to know no matter what, he's still the one happily in charge of their relationship. Though social standards try to determine the alpha is in charge, especially when their omega is pregnant preparing to deliver, Jack and Rhys don't at all abide by those rules. They never have, and Jack most certainly never will. If Rhys were like other alphas, hot headed and stubborn, determined to dominate him like a foolish brute, Jack would have never agreed to having his baby. He'd been strict about the dynamics of their relationship, and determined to make sure his status as an omega was respected. Jack didn't have shame in his title - in fact, he wore it with pride.

He absentmindedly rubs his belly and exhales as the pain in his back momentarily subsides. "I'm alright, pumpkin. Craving something greasy."

"You sound wound up."

Jack snickers. "Do I? Probably being surrounded by knuckleheads." He laughs again, but the movement makes his back seizes up again, making him yelp embarrassingly. He clutches at the point of pain, and grinds his teeth as it shoots up through his spine like electricity following a circuit. He curses under his breath when he hears Rhys' distressed worries calling for him over the line. "Still here, don't worry."

"Are you okay?! What was that noise?!"

"That noise was me!" With great difficulty, Jack pushes himself out of his luxurious golden chair, arching his back and pushing into the point of discomfort with both his hands before taking one away to cup the base of his belly. Moving is starting to become more difficult by himself, much to his displeasure. Some days he needs Rhys to physically hoist him out of bed. He glares at his chair and begins walking around his desk in circles. "I'm fine though, don't fret."

"Jack, you're 6 months pregnant. All I do is worry." Rhys is moving around more now, changing scenes by the sounds of things as wind brushes by and external chatter fills the void. "I'm coming to see you."

"What?! Oh geez, that's not necessary--"

"When you're carrying around our baby, it's always necessary."

Jack pinches the bridge of his nose. He hates being fussed over, and that's all that happens these days. "No, really, it's not! It's just my damn back playing up!" He hears what he assumes to be Rhys stopping in his tracks. "The baby is fine and dandy though, kicking my bladder and making me the size of a whale. It's the office chair, makes me feel like someones ripping out my spine. I should start bringing a pillow from home."

"Why not buy a more comfortable chair? Don't they sell maternity chairs for working omegas?" Rhys' question is innocent enough, but it makes Jack irritated nevertheless. It's like admitting he's weak, that the chair has bested him. He doesn't realise he's growling until Rhys starts laughing. "It's probably more comfortable than the one you have anyway. Remember when we tried to have sex in it after the office party last year? I almost broke my leg."

Jack chuckles. "That's because you're too freakin' long! Those string beans you call legs weren't made for tight spaces." Jack looks down at the sphere supporting his hips, kneading his brows as he thinks. "Those omega special chairs are a scam though, it's to make possessive alphas like you spend your hard earned money and stroke your ego!"

"The reviews look pretty good to me."

"I don't give a rat's ass what the reviews are like." Jack yells back. He moves to sit back at his desk, but as if the cushions are made of spikes, he immediately yells out in pain and grips the wood of the desk for dear life. He curses so loud an echo reverberates around the office. He tries to power through, scooting forward, only to bump his belly off the desk edge and hurt himself that way. "Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to airlock whoever made this desk just for inconveniencing me!"

Suddenly there's a knock at his office door. He frowns, looking at it before pressing a button to open the door. Rhys walks in with a smug smile, hanging up the comm he had with Jack. 

"What, how did--"

"I took a fast travel. Come on, I'm taking you chair shopping."

Jack grumbles in annoyance, but after a tender back massage and belly rub, he gives in with little fight.

[guyawks]

The Secret Ingredient in Ruby Chocolate Is...

...something you’ll wish you had never learned about.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past 3 years, I’m sure at some point you heard about Cadbury’s groundbreaking new chocolate discovery. In 2017, most people assumed it was just some kind of gimmick. After all, we’d all seen artificially-coloured confectionery before—chocolate, sweets, liquorice and so on. That’s what everyone first reasoned “ruby chocolate” was. Just rosewater or strawberry-flavoured choc with a fancy corporate spin on it.

Yet, the promotional material from Cadbury claimed the opposite.

They assured the world that this revolutionary new “ruby chocolate” would actually be equivalent to milk, white and dark chocolate in status. The fourth official type of chocolate was supposedly harvested from a rare, previously undiscovered, reddish cocoa bean in some far-off South American jungle. It was reported to have an almost fruity taste, being both sweet and slightly acidic on the tongue—the first new chocolate in almost a century.

That all might sound a little odd to you. How could Cadbury just now be discovering a new flavour of chocolate, when chocolatiers have been scouring the land for cocoa beans for centuries? What changed in the 21st century to reveal such a delicious confectionary gem? I was that skeptical too. I wish I hadn’t been, had just covered my ears up and eaten the damn chocolate like everybody else. But I was a dumb food blogger—and a nosy one at that.

Mining the company’s website won’t yield any new information, nor will asking chocolate stores. No, you probably have no clue what the real truth is behind ruby chocolate’s signature magenta tinge.

You should be grateful. After all, you have the luxury of not dreading the reality inside every block of that pink nightmare. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. You could easily just keep your head down—in a box of ruby chocolate—and stay out of harm's way. But, if you truly are curious to your sweet-tooth breaking point, there is a way for you to discover the secret ingredient in what Cadbury is calling “ruby chocolate”.

Get invited on a PR tour. You’ll need to have a large social media following with at least 10k followers. If you don’t already have a pool like that, then get cracking on building one. It will also be important for you to heavily feature as many ruby chocolate items as you can find, or just tag it in all of your posts. This’ll attract Cadbury’s attention and make you a prime candidate for one of those promotional trips. Cadbury runs these every few months at their production plant in Shanghai, to drum up hype for ruby chocolate as it’s slowly released worldwide.

They’ll send you an email expressing admiration for your social following, and propose an all-expenses trip to sample their chocolate and get a behind-the-scenes look at things. Accept this offer, and you’re already halfway to knowing the mystery ingredient in your favourite pink sweet.

Along with a group of several other influencers, you’ll be flown over to glamorous Shanghai. The hotel room you're staying at will be stocked to the brim with different ruby chocolate items for you to try, photograph and review—favourably, of course. There’ll be ruby KitKats, ruby M&Ms, ruby-coated nuts and good ‘ole traditional ruby chocolate blocks. I’m sure you’ll also find some more fascinating ruby inventions that haven’t hit stores yet, like ruby hot chocolate, ruby mochi, and even ruby cereals.

The point is that you’ll be pretty damn buttered up to the thought of ruby chocolate after your first night, if you weren’t already. Come the time of your tour, you’ll be led to one of the local production plants manufacturing the confectionery in question. Your tour guide will show you around a bunch of generic storage and assembly-line rooms while you happily Instagram pictures. Cute little pink bean pods being scraped down and churned into cocoa powder, etcetera.

This will, of course, all be a front. To get to the meat of the production plant—and the real secret of ruby chocolate—you’ll have to break away from your tour group. Feigning an excuse will just get you stuck with a personal escort, so your best bet would be to slip away, unannounced, while the group’s attention is elsewhere. Keep a relatively low-profile during the trip and this should be easy. Don’t bring any influencer pals with you—unless you want their suffering on your head.

Once you’ve made it into one of the production plant’s many darkened corridors, listen for the sounds of drumming mechanical devices and the faint smell of metal. This is what you’ll want to follow. Taking care not to run into any passing workers in the hallways, creep towards the sounds and smells until you reach the main production room. If you’re ready to finally uncover the sweetmeat horror, peer through the wide metal doors.

The secret ingredient in ruby chocolate will be...

...live human hosts.

Horrified, you’ll see ordinary cocoa beans being cocooned within the blood vessels of hundreds of trafficked humans—immobilized by restraints and the bloated, parasitically-infested confines of their own bodies. I told you the secret would be bad, didn’t I? Ruby beans are just cocoa beans stained blood-pink. This is the part where you’re expecting me to tell you how to escape the factory and reveal to your doting followers the truth.

You won’t. Not unscathed, anyway.

Oh, you’ll almost certainly be caught. The factory is patrolled from all angles outside, and surveillance is 24/7. Didn’t you expect those doors to be locked? Indeed, Cadbury let you get this far because they don’t care if you unmask the secret ingredient as blood vessels. It’s only a preview of what will be happening to you shortly.

Throughout the implantation procedure, it’s best to remain very still, despite the immense pain of needles piercing your body dozens of times. One wrong move and they could puncture a vital organ, which would be far, far worse. After the cocoa beans have been implanted into your blood vessels, you’ll likely be relocated back to your hotel room. This will be your chance to escape, although most are in too much pain from the plump, parasitic beans in their flesh to do much escaping.

If you are fortunate enough to make it out—warts and all—and back to your home country, I wouldn’t go rushing to any doctors to get those beans removed. Cadbury’s reach is global, and they’ll go to any lengths to recoup their investment that’s stored in your body. Besides, I heard that the beans are so interwoven into your blood vessels that removing them would be impossible without killing you. So, guess you’ll be stuck with them, too. But at least you’ll be alive, for as long as you stay in hiding.

Dropping off the radar is how I’ve lasted this long. The welts throughout my engorged, exhausted body are painful, and make it hard to type this message, but it’s worth it to get the truth out there.

So, that’s the harrowing secret behind the phenomenon that is ruby chocolate.

By now, you’re probably wondering why I gave you all those instructions on breaking into the factory, all to reveal the truth about ruby chocolate to you anyway. Well, what food influencer worth their sugar would just take my word for it? None of your followers would believe you without photographic proof—and the only way you’ll get that is by going into the belly of the Cadbury yourselves.

There’s only one method for you to be sure that I’m not telling you a fib, and that’s for you to follow all of the steps I’ve just written, and verify my story yourself.

The proof is in the pudding. Better yet, in this case, the proof is in the chocolate.