#was it like the captain holt bone scene

[crehador]

i need to pick kubo up by the ankles and shake him upside down until the scene where kensei reacts to hisagi’s tattoo falls out i have been thinking about this for well over ten years there are too many possibilities i NEED to know

[juniperhillpatient]

it’s just like. how many captain holt lines of dialogue live rent free in my head? how many scenes have made me get emotional & watch & rewatch & ponder over them? it was such a big deal to have an openly gay black male character whose gayness was never the butt of the joke on tv in the early 2000s. then rosa diaz was literally the first character I ever recall hearing say the words “I’m bisexual” on a popular network tv show & captain holt’s compassionate support of her was this thing that just was just simply not often a thing portrayed quite how it was on b99 on television in my experience at the time among multiple lgbt main characters. not only that but I don’t want to reduce raymond holt’s influence to his sexuality. he was funny in a unique, dead pan way that again just totally manages to cement itself in so many peoples consciousness. how many people can hear “BONE?” bellowed in disapproval in their heads? 😂 or picture the pineapple slut shirt? & how many people with complicated relationships with their dad latched onto the jake & holt found family dynamic that was just so beautifully written & acted? brooklyn has constantly been on in the background of my life because it’s one of those shows you can just watch endlessly & never get tired of. hundreds & hundreds of hours of my life have been spent chuckling at this show. & I’m just one sit com fan. we’re talking about one of the most influential sit coms of the modern age. I hope andre had some idea how much he meant to so so many people.

[loquarocoeur]

I was rereading resolutions and the last scene just reminded me of that one B99 scene with captain Holt:

https://youtu.be/t9tZEcSc1qo?si=Ch_VrhdNuJW80VR_

Feel like max would react in a similar way lol

I knew in my soul this was the bone scene before I even opened it

Yes, absolutely

[what-gs-watching]

"Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it."

Here’s a thing: my husband used to watch a ton of tv, all the time. Always had something on in the background. But then he got sucked into TikTok and his attention span broke, so I’ve been watching most things myself.

He just put together a snack to wind down from his work day, and came back in for a glass of milk. I’m on the couch and as he swished by he said “I just turned on Brooklyn Nine-Nine”, which in and of itself was surprising, only to continue “and remembered he’s dead…” and I let out a wail I’ve been mostly ignoring. 

Andre Braugher, I’m so sad that you’re gone. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is one of my absolute favorite comfort shows, and I’m not sure how I’m going to stand it now, for a while. Captain Holt is iconic, you can’t watch that show and not fall in love with him. 

And now it’s just…sad.

Nine-Nine is another one of those shows I started watching religiously while it was airing on cable, the entirety of the reason being Andy mother-effing Samberg. I have been in love with him (and the Lonely Island, which we should talk about eventually) since that crazy man joined SNL and so nothing was going to tear me away from his randon sitcom. I came for him, obviously, but I stayed for everyone else.

Including, and mostly, Captain Raymond Holt. 

I’m not gonna lie, he might be the most realized, well-defined character on the show. The man has layers. Gay, black cop who finally becomes captain of his own squad. Deadly serious, married to a professor, proud dog dad, lover of rules, hard grudge-holder, extremely literal and blunt, with the weirdest sense of humor. 

Most of the best moments of this show involve Holt. There’s an entire scene wherein the squad is put on the night shift and it’s fucking with everyone’s relationships and someone suggests his bad mood is because he needs to�� bone down with his husband. His reaction has me crying every single time.

He has a dance-off with a kid on the street. He goes undercover as a straight person and does it hilariously. He gets incredibly, heavily, disturbingly invested in the Halloween heist game Jake sets up each year. He creates a ridiculous balloon arch for a wedding and gets deeply attached to it, and is infuriated by the fact that everyone thinks it’s weird as hell. He has the most fantastic arch rival relationship with an old partner, to the point where he plans to deliver a scathing eulogy when she unexpectedly dies. He learns the choreography set to Salt ‘N Peppa’s “Push It” and performs it to distract Amy while she’s giving birth. 

It feels like a lot of characters on tv are two-dimensional, but good lord, Holt was in full technicolor, and it’s obvious the reason it works so well is because Andre Braugher was a master of his craft. He WAS Holt, for a lot of people, including me. No one else could have stepped in and created that man. 

Throughout the show, Jake treated him like a surrogate dad because his own father (lol at Bradley Whitford in that role) was a dumpster fire, and it was really sweet. He just wanted validation, and acceptance.

In the finale, he tells Jake, "On my first day here, I asked Jeffords to tell me about everyone, He told me you were a great detective, but the one thing you couldn’t figure out was how to grow up. Well, I think you’ve finally figured it out. Over the years, you’ve sometimes referred to me as something of a father figure, but I want you to know, if I had had a son, and he had turned out like you, I would be very proud of him.”

I have a dad of my own, he’s wonderful and I love him and we have a great relationship, but y’all, Holt can be a surrogate dad for me too. He can be one for everyone. He always had a pearl of wisdom and he supported the entire squad in absolutely everything, and he was just an excellent human. Who was FUNNY and multidimensional and just…dope. 

He’s one of those perfect characters. And they don’t come along that often. So I guess the point is, thank you, Andre Braugher, for bringing him to life, and giving us the gift that is Captain Raymond Holt. I’m glad we still have him, even if we don’t have you.

[siderealxmelody]

A noise roused her from her sleep, the camp was dimly lit by the fire they have made in the evening, the night sky dark with clouds. It had been a few weeks since her wedding day, since she had joined the group and understood the task of their journey. A task to break two curses, a-.

Elinor’s head snapped in the direction of snapping twigs, watching the tail of one of the giant black wolves disappear into the nearby bushes. A sound of a horse echoed around her, causing her body to still before she gathered her courage. She needed to go, she needed to see.

Following the path of the wolf she went, keeping herself low in the bushes so no one could see her. There, across the clearing, stood something that made her blood run cold. She had only ever heard about them in stories, ghost stories to scare them when they were young. The ethereal beings stood in a group, a mixture of creatures - some clearing alive, others…The Wild Hunt.

A shadow moved across the clearing, a shadow soon illuminated by the moon that peeked through the cloud cover. She couldn’t mistake the raven hair, or the violet eyes as she looked over her shoulder. Raelyn. Elinor was about to speak out, alert her new friend of the danger when a hand went over her mouth.

“Shhh. Don’t say anything.” Fergus’s whispered in her ear. Her eyes were wide, fixed upon the scene as finally her new friend met up with a male on one of the horses. A tall male with handsome features, until he turned to look in the other direction - a wound exposing the bone of his cheek caused her stomach to roll.

When Fergus finally removed his hand she looked at him. “But that’s the Wild Hunt, they’ll kill her!” She hissed. Did he really not like her anymore? Was he that possessive of her? Was he-…Why was he smiling?

“I maybe the Captain of her family’s guard, but there is always something that is fully her’s,” he explained before he pointed back to the scene, Raelyn laughing with the male as Fenrir came close and brushed up against her. “Someone leads the Wild Hunt, they have often visited our home and most disappear on those days. I’ve met them, the male she is talking to is Holt.”

——————

As they spoke Raelyn summoned the horn, shaking her head at Holt.

“Don’t worry, if we find out any information to help you, we will send word with one of our hounds,” Holt responded with a smile. “Though, I believe his grandmother’s curse maybe the easiest. If the curse on your family was until her mate was avenged, I would say your mating would be the greatest act of vengeance. Can’t chase away a banished family when your grandfather’s own blood is mated to it.”

She gave a slight smile as she turned the horn over in her hand, nodding slightly before she looked back towards the camp. “We still have a long way before that will be possible, but I will enjoy our time trying to get there.”

“Maybe when that happens you can bring him along for a hunt!”

Laughter echoed from her as she shook her head. “I’ll tell Grandpa Lumas you said hi, I feel he misses his days in the hunt.”

“He is always welcome to join.”

“Don’t tempt him, Grandma Silba will be upset.” She rose the horn to her lips, sounding it for all those within the area to see. The horses of the hunt began to shift with excitement, those in the hunt yelled before the Wild Hunt began took off. Gathering the souls and lives of those they past, some joining their ranks and some…Well that was the purpose of the Wild Hunt.

Hoot looked up, stilling at the thing that would through the trees. He forced his hand tis ray slack on his reigns, he felt the awareness ripple through him. The wyvern watched them all, and slipped deeper in the shadows.

Holt still tried to track it. The Wyvern was making it easy for him. It shifted appearing as a male in the higher tree tops.

The eyes were bright, evoking rolling thunder clouds. He wouldn't be surprised if lightning slammed down.

The wyvern finally looked to Raelyn, giving her a crooked smile. Holt wouldn't know it was a show, that he wasn't the cocky male they thought him to be. Nazarius hated meeting Wild Hunts. He'd avoided them mostly, but then - well he knew some took contracts.

"Friends of yours Raelyn?"

[koroleva-nazyalensky]

darklina better give us the endgame reylo couldn’t

[thelreads]

Ah, I see, you`re gonna call him bowtie. Understandable Anya, that`s a fitting name for him.

And alas, the decision was made, the baptism is finally completed. There is no socks, now there`s only... Well, I was expecting bondman, but at least she shortened it.

look at this smug son of a bitch, he`s so goddamn proud of his new name I want to hug him and sink into that fur

OH WAIT A FUCKING A MOMENT

WASN`T ANYA LIKE, SUBJECT 007?

AND SHE NAMED HER DOG FUCKING BOND

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?

I FEEL LIKE CAPTAIN HOLT IN THAT SCENE FROM B99, BUT INSTEAD OF BONE I KEEP SHOUTING BOND OVER AND OVER AGAIN

[our-flag-means-death-ao3feed]

The tiff on the Revenge

by HighlyExplosiveContent

Ed and Stede are at each others' throats and Oluwande is trying to solve the cause of their row.

Turns out, there’s an easier solution to this, as Jim demonstrates.

--

This is a crack fic based on the Monty hall problem episode in Brooklyn 99 (just YT search "Holt Bone" and you'll see the most iconic scene from that masterpiece of a show)

Words: 1941, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Oluwande Boodhari, Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Jim Jimenez, Israel Hands, Lucius Spriggs

Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez

Additional Tags: Crack, This is pure crack, based on b99 the monty hall problem, Ed is captain holt, booone?!, Humor, smutty subjects, oluwande is so done, no beta we die like karl

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/41311914

[theirtheretheyre]

i feel like that one b99 scene where captain holt just keeps saying bone but SNOW???

[stolen-llullabies]

Shadow and Bone Rambles

So many thoughts and feelings. Did I stay strong for 2 days only to succumb to a 9-hour marathon even though I have 2 more exams? Yes.

Ingenious

Jesper and Milos

I love how the conductors version of a stress ball is a goat

I dont like the darkling but I like ben barnes so now what

"and I will be right here" i snorted so hard Im so happy to be able to see this

Also I loveee my baby crows sm

I love how the show adds a this warmth to crows banter that wasnt as palpable in the books.

Genya is so stunning idfk what to do

Also I love how they included that scene in the train with jesper that way anyone whose like 'bUT hE iSn'T RElEvaNT' would stfu

"No human being should be as proud as you are right now"

"Shutup, jesper"

Read throne of wolves and seeing a specific character broke my heart

Genya and david are amazing. I love them

Also, the scene in ep 2 was so unnecessary when right before her bath, they showed her butt like it's Ramadan??? behave.

THE TENSION BETWEEN INEJ AND KAZS IS SO THICK

LMFAOO JESPER FLIRTING WAS SO FUNNY TO ME

Mal smashing glass on the master is so funny hes like u deserve no rights, thank yew.

Lmao they casted the roles for those *men* so spectacularly I wanna kill em all

The apararat is so creepy.

Alina's reaction in the library to him is so valid, like thats all women to creepy men.

I'm laughing so hard omfg she just PUT HERSELF IN THERE AHAHAHAHAHA

Ivan is so funny

How the fuck is ben so attractive like I just want to hold his face

So u guys know how Mathias described the way that nina speaker as musical ITS SO TRUE the actress is so talented like pls talk to me forever

Zoya bby

Omfg that entire scene under the wagon all of it was just for us

Jes

I've never heard a word said with more disdain

Omfg when kaz used his cane as a reason to not help it was the same as captain holt pulling the gay card

Also kaz taking steps back when he encountered the darkling

When darkling said 'you're just a child but she's grisha' really shows that they're not ppl to him

Kaz giving that hint of a smile to Jesper when they were teasing him, please

Inej doing the one thing she never wanted to do for Kaz, and Kaz putting his entire empire on the line for her. I love them, your honour.

That entire campfire scene

I actually laughed out loud so many times, and that's so hard to do.

Bonus: My favourite scene is the one when the three of them are under the wagon, but my SECOND favourite is when Jesper opens the door, and David is just reading. I rewatched it like 8 times. It's so funny.

[uncuentofriki]

Coco or “How to pretend to be woke because of a fandom” and other ghosts.

After hearing the posibility that Parasite could get a remake, I heard that it wasn’t necessary -and ultimately, useless- because the director wanted to show how, despite the localization and the theme of the story everyone could resonate with the story and its themes. I saw it and yes, despite that the working-class family eats ramedon while I do wonders with tortillas to survive, the struggles of making ends met whatever it takes are mostly the same. And I don’t want a Parasite mexican remake either, as they did a years ago with indian movie 3 idiots. The movie is perfect on their location and you just need some empathy to understand what the other is feeling or living, even if your language or uprising wasn’t the same. 

A while ago I did a post explaining the feeling of exclusion in the fandom of Coco. Despite that it’s a movie that occurs in some part of Mexico, the mexican creators were displaced by people that just had the movie and some cartoons like Mucha Lucha or El Tigre as a reference for our culture. We tried to reach to “the other side of the bridge” by translating songs, fanfiction, comics and whatever we made, out lof love and excitement for sharing our culture for the first time masively on this media. I even translated historical documents and cursing words. And it was fun and interesting to see people engaged on our culture... only to soon be displaced or unheard of. Come to think about it some time later, it was cultural appropiation. It was “woke” at the moment to say you liked Coco, it was a way to say “oh, yes I like diversity” but  the actual people represented on that story were massively ignored (I wonder if in less divisive time for inmigration it would be as beloved as it was). I like the story... but whatever the people that live that culture explain about it, I don’t care.  I’ll take for example Rossanna Pansino (Nerdy Numies) with her Pan de Muerto. She said that the decoration of the bread is a marigold flower, which isn’t true (It’s boooooone! -read this in Captain Holt’s voice, please-). The recipe was mostly correct (Orange blossom water isn’t that easy to find, I know, plus it’s expensive), but that part made me lost any interest on her channel forever (haven’t seen her channel since). Rossanna could had done a research, see photos of the bread, watch other channels on Youtube (there’s a recipe on english on youtube), whatever. Yet she disrespected a beloved tradition and dish. No, we don’t do different versions of it. It has bones on top. End of the story. You don’t move ANYTHING from it, period, because it’s symbolic of the legend of the creation of the men, the four cardinal points and our own mortality as human beings, and it’s one of the most important elements on the Altar.  (Also I’m a baker’s daughter and if you recall how strict the Rivera’s are about their traditions, that’s how strict we are with recipes -the only ones allowed to move something from them are other mexicans and it’s only to make it tastier, like the shrimp pozole, not whatever Barefoot Contessa did to it).

The fandom felt... colonialist. The questions, which I answered with all the love and patience first, got more and more tiredsome to answer because people wanted reasons and ways to adapt the story to occur on their country or on a situation that doesn’t happen here... despite that seeing another culture was what supposedly made them fall in love with the story. One of those was wanting the lake on Santa Cecilia to freeze. While certainly it snows on the north states of Mexico, if we take in account some hints of the location, Santa Cecilia is nowhere near the north. And even when it has snowed on Guadalajara -where I live-, it’s not cold enough to freeze the Santiago River or the Chapala lake. But for some reason fuck geography (and if the lake freezes then we’ll be damned because that’s how bad global warming is to give a such a cold winter to a valleythat’sabove 25 grades Celsius almost all the year).  We explained over and over how some social situations aren’t the same, how incomes on certain profesions doesn’t translate. It’s more frustrating as an EFL teacher to see that I can perfectly explain social situations to my students and they get it, yet I explained over and over and over and my time investigating, translating and answering those same questions about my culture was basically, ignored or glossed over like “yes yes, you live it, you were born into it, buuuuut my idea of how your society and culture works is better”. IT’S NOT. It’s just different. I won’t try to mexicanize something from an american -or in my time as a hardcore otaku, japanese- culture. I won’t make, IDK, Chihiro from Spirited Away to serve Pozole to Kaonashi just because it’s easier for me to do so. (And also that’s why I hate lots Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, it shits over martial arts... and I tried hard to see the story as a parody but no). That’s also why I left the Rock AU incomplete and most of my fics are untranslated (and why a lot of mexicans ran away from the social media created around the movie). Why translate it, why continue it if the apparent love for my country and its music and traditions didn’t translated when I took time to craft a story that shows more about the modern musical scene here (along with other social issues). Why keep helping people that asked and yet ignored what I said or tried to make me justify stuff that DOES NOT (AT ALL) happen or happened here. Why even bother if someone who isn’t even from my country is the one that they prefer to get the information, as wrong as it can be. 

It’s amazing also that I got silenced and dismissed over my last rant about this feeling. It’s not jealousy, it’s a wake up call to fandoms in general. You can’t call yourself woke or culturally aware or whatever if you consume media from or based on foreing cultures and silence the people who live it or try to adapt it into your culture just because it’s easier or if you like characters that are people of color. Fandom it’s not absent of colonialism or racism, even on this kind of works. And we should be aware and learn of the mistakes we made along the way, because it’s disheartening for future media creators from other cultures (me included) to see that while we’re trying to adapt our culture and what we love -and hate- the most of it (even if it’s a fantasy counterpart, like it’s the case of the novel I’m working on), it’s going to be ignored over or tried to got converted over to whatever they want (creative fan freedom has a limit and that’s the societal and geographic rules of the setting). Because that’s the actual point of diversity in narrative, not trying to make everything more uniform like most american/european series that have a two-three whites and two-three people of color (if feeling lucky) but they’re barely different from each other in culture (except if there’s an asian on the cast, most of the time). The point of stories like Coco or parasite to show how despite the differences, we all can live similar situations, we all love and laugh and lose and keep going, in our own unique way, even if we’re miles away.

So please, if you’re aproximation to any work set in another culture is just that you thought it’s pretty and forget about the people that live it everyday... stay away from it. Or decolonize yourself first and don’t use the work to make yourself seem more socially aware. You will just contribute to systematic exclution of other creators.

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Brooklyn Nine Nine - Season 4 Retrospective

Finished season 4 just yesterday. So I have gone past the halfway mark. Still racing against time to finish in time for season 8. Anyways, with season 4, the show left off on a pretty big cliffhanger. So it was going to be interesting how they resolved. At this point, the show was pretty settled and knew its formula and characters. Season 4 is one of the more uneven seasons of the show in my opinion. Definitely still good but not quite as good the previous seasons in terms of consistency. There are outstanding episodes in the seasons, some meh episodes, and one or two clunkers.

First thing that was evident from how the season started was that the showrunners were now comfortable enough to start experimenting a bit with the formula. The show's greatest strength has been an outstanding ensemble, but Coral Palms Part 1 has only got Jake and Holt in the episode out of the series regulars. The setting is completely different with large parts of the episode outdoors. And its a winner. It has one of the best Holt moments of all time with Holt dancing at the Funzone at Derek's b'day party. Its kind of refreshing to watch Jake and Holt in different avatars. Heterosexual Holt is a hoot. The next two parts incorporate the rest of the squad and its a fun time though I think the first part is the best of the opening three parter. Maya Rudolph pops in as the Marshall in charge of Holt and Jake in witness protection and she's hilarious. Eric Roberts pops up as Figgis. He's not really used that much, something which is a recurring problem with guest stars this season.

Another thing that was evident was that this season was pretty dramatic and stressing for the characters by B99 standards. The season starts out with Jake and Holt in witsec, which results in them getting bumped to the Night Shift. Then they get audited and almost closed down due to a vengeful ex, Terry gets racially profiled, and then the season ends with Jake and Rosa being framed for robbery and sentenced to Prison. Pretty dark season for B99. As a result, there is a bit of a tonal issue at times since B99 in essence is such an optimistic show, something which I genuinely love about it. Some of The Night Shift episodes are fun. Unfortunately, Halloween IV got spoiled because they ruined it in one of the ads. But its still a solid Halloween episode, although not necessarily one of the top Halloween episodes. There are a series of episodes in the middle of the season that are a bit mixed. Mr. Santiago I was pretty excited for with Jimmy Smits being cast, but I don't think they made great use of him. Skyfire Cycle is fun although it recycles the 'don't meet your heroes' theme that we have seen with Jake and Holt in seasons before. The highlight of the episode is the iconic 'BONE!' moment from Holt, which is one of the funniest scenes on the show. The Overmining is an episode that isn't that great. CJ is one of those characters that was a bit too cartoony even for this show. The incompetence of the character got beyond the level of what I could believe. Also, the B story had Gina at her most grating. Captain Latvia was kind of ok.

The season picked up again with The Fugitive two parter. The first part again did a lovely job showing the growth in Jake and Amy's relationship and how they have influenced each other, from little mannerisms like Amy saying 'cool, cool cool' and Jake reading Harry Potter because Amy loves it so much. These little touches to the relationship is what makes the relationship so healthy. Part 2 is a great Judy episode. Possibly my second favorite after the season 2 PB episode. Seeing Jake and Judy with Holt was a fun dynamic. The show also ventured into more serious social issues in a more overt manner with Moo Moo which is some of Terry Crews' best work on the show. I think the episode did a great job balancing out giving the episode the seriousness it deserves as well as having the humor. There is the three parter arc dealing with the precinct being shut down. The Audit and The Last Ride were pretty great. Serve & Protect was kind of meh. The episode didn't use Nathan Fillion to his full comic potential.

There are a few fun and breezy episodes between the story arcs. Cop Con and Chasing Amy are a lot of fun. Your Honor and The Slaughterhouse also do a lovely job fleshing out the relationships with Holt and his Mom and Jake and Rosa. Then we get into the final two parter which is maybe the bleakest the show has ever been. While I did find it an interesting idea, I feel that it wasn't very believable that Jake and Rosa got implicated so easily and that Holt couldn't testify at all. It was a huge cliffhanger and while we all knew that Jake and Rosa would be fine, it was interesting to think about how they would get out of it. But its the grimmest note any B99 season has ended on. The season was still a lot of fun. Even with the minor inconsistencies, the show was better than 99%(heh heh) of the shows out there and the highs were still really high and the season gets credit for breaking with formula and dealing with slightly darker and more serious material. Still, I rank it around a 8/10.

[sambergscott]

teddy from jazz brunch

pregnant amy bumps into teddy on a case ft a very ridiculous bonus scene at the end

The wait for the bomb squad to show up is always an anxious one. Especially when the guy running it is an ex that has proposed to her three times since they broke up and the last time she saw him he tried to stop her wedding. She can’t tell whether the fluttering in her stomach is the nerves about the case, seeing Teddy again, the baby kicking or a combination of all three.

“Apparently they’re five minutes out,” Rosa informs her, returning to the scene with two to-go cups. She hands Amy the soothing ginger tea and keeps the coffee for herself.

Amy sips the herbal tea, scrunching up her nose in disappointment. She’d much rather have a coffee and a shame cigarette or two but her doctor probably wouldn’t approve. Nor would she want to do anything to harm their little Shrek.

“You think there’s any chance Teddy has given up his super cool bomb squad job and retired to the South of France before he’s 40, do you?”

“No, I don’t think there’s any chance of that. I worked with him last month.” Rosa narrows her eyes suspiciously. “What’s wrong?”

She knows her so well. It’s kind of annoying, considering how little Amy knows about her, but she’s always had her back, especially since Jake went to Florida. She feels comfortable confiding in Rosa more than almost anyone (except Jake) and lets all her worries slip out.

“I haven’t seen Teddy since the wedding and what if he proposes again or tries to hit on me or acts weird about the baby?”

“Then I’ll punch him for you,” she says without hesitation.

And Amy knows that as a Police Sergeant and soon-to-be-mom she should not condone violence of any kind, but she’d be lying if she said Rosa’s words didn’t bring her a teeny bit of comfort. Maybe aversion therapy is the only way to stop Teddy’s toe-curling declarations of love. Every time he tells her he still has feelings for her: punch. Every time he gets down on one knee: kick. He’d probably have a dozen broken bones before lunch and still propose as the paramedics loaded him into the Ambulance.

“Santiago,” Rosa mutters, nodding at the swarm of bomb squad trucks pulling up outside the warehouse.

Teddy is the first one to jump out and walk towards them.

Crap.

She practices the breathing techniques from the lamaze class they went to last week and hopes he’s gone blind or doesn’t recognise her or will walk straight past them and talk to the other officers gathered nearby.

No such luck.

“Sergeant Santiago,” he grins, his eyes clearly lighting up when he sees her.

She smiles awkwardly back at him. “Lieutenant Wells. Good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too,” he responds, sounding a lot more genuine than her feeble attempt at a nicety. “Still married?”

Oh, boy. He lasted all of what, ten seconds?

“Mm-hmm,” she hums, showing off her ring.

“Happily?”

“Very happily,” she insists. She tries hard not to roll her eyes. There’s a bomb that needs diffusing, she needs to be professional. She lowers her hand and instinctively rests it on her bump. Big mistake.

Teddy’s eyes follow the movement then widen like saucers. “Oh. You’re - oh - OK - wow.”

“Yep. I am.”

He looks back at her - his expression filled with a weird concoction of disappointment, confusion and hope?

She’s a great detective, she’s great at reading body language in interrogations and anticipating what a suspect is about to do next. She knows when her husband is happy, sad, horny; she knows when he’s had a shitty day at work and just needs to snuggle up with her and watch Die Hard and when to blast Taylor Swift and dance around the apartment. She knows her unborn baby is most active at night when Jake pulls up her shirt and tells him about all the fun things they’re going to do together and that he hates the smell of Boyle’s lunch as much as she does. She can even tell how Captain Holt is feeling.

“Is it mine?”

And OK, she didn’t predict that.

Despite her expert intuition skillz (with a z, her husband is rubbing off on her), she could have never predicted that. She doesn’t even know how to respond.

Thankfully, Rosa steps in.

“You haven’t slept with her in over five years, dumb-dumb. It’s Jake Peralta’s. You know, her husband. The guy who broke you two up.”

Amy bites her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, I remember him,” he mutters, scratching the back of his head. “Nice to see you again, by the way, Detective Diaz.”

“The feeling is not mutual,” she responds.

He cowers under her glare. “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So, uh, the bomb?”

“Yes. The bomb.”

She explains the situation, how their investigation into a drug dealing operation led them to this warehouse, but they’d spotted a bag with wires hanging out through a window on the east side of the building. He follows her to the window and gets on his tip-toes to see inside. A few seconds later, he confirms their suspicions that it’s almost definitely an explosive device, probably designed to destroy evidence rather than actually hurt anyone.

“You know the drill, we’ll need to clear the area. You probably shouldn’t be here,” he says to Amy, gesturing at her bump. “It’s not safe. I love you and I want to protect you and that baby.”

Rosa clenches her fist, true to her word, but Amy places her hand over it before she can make impact with his face.

“What the hell, Santiago?”

“I don’t want you to get suspended, I need you on this case. And besides, Teddy’s right. It is too dangerous. I’ll go back to the Nine-Nine and read your notes later. Please don’t kill him,” she adds as an afterthought. When he goes off on one of his tangents about Pilsners or San Diego or Belgian Spaghetti, it can be kind of tempting. It was for her, even when they were dating. But Rosa can’t go back to jail. Their baby already loves her and they asked her to be godmother only last week.

“Fine,” she growls. “But if you say the word Pilsners once, so help me God, I will-.”

“Bye Teddy,” Amy cuts her off, turning 180 degrees with a flick of her perfectly shiny ponytail and heading towards the police tape they set up earlier. She pulls out her phone and texts Jake to ask if he’ll pick her up.

He responds twenty seconds later with on my way and the kiss face emoji.

She finally relaxes.

--

bonus: Holt sends her home early, claiming that she looked tired and she should not be over-exerting herself at seven months pregnant. He informs her that the mission was successful; the bomb was diffused safely, that no-one was injured and that they were able to collect enough evidence from the warehouse to bring down the entire operation (the dumb-dumbs left a phone lying around with everyone’s name, phone number and contact photo in). The case is a slam dunk. 

She doesn’t see or hear from Rosa until morning. She shows up late, wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

“Walk of shame alert!” Charles announces, clearly noticing, too. “Means you had sex. Nice one, Ro-Ro!” He raises his hand for a high five, but she barges straight past.

“We’ve all been there,” Hitchcock smirks, slapping his hand against Charles’.

“Gross,” everyone complains, shuddering at the thought of Hitchcock’s sex life.

“Right, I’m going downstairs,” Amy says to Jake, resisting the urge to kiss him. He looks very cute and kissable today with his unruly curls and her favourite plaid shirt. She really misses working opposite him. “Come visit me in an hour?”

“’Course I will.”

She grins and heads towards the elevator, but the doors open before she can gets there. 

Of all people, Teddy walks out.

His uniform is crumpled and his hair is a mess and she’s already having PTSD-like flashbacks to when he came in to audit the precinct and proposed to her in front of everybody. She’s already drafting her rejection speech in her head when he says Rosa’s name and this time it’s Amy’s eyes widening to the size of saucers.

“You left your phone at my place,” he explains, brandishing said phone.

She actually blushes (Amy has never seen her blush before) and retrieves it from him, stomping back to her desk.

“Oh. You - oh - OK - wow,” Amy stammers, taken aback. “You... and Rosa?”

[lesbinewren]

idk why when people make swr things for that “bone” scene they make kanan captain holt. captain holt is clearly hera in that scene. if someone said “you need to bone” to kanan he’d be like “yeah i do”

[vernonfielding]

I got hella homies

Story No. 29 of my Season 7 Countdown Project.

Summary: “Boyle says you brought Jocelyn to Shaw's last week.”

Jocelyn meets (most of) the Nine-Nine. Takes place before The Therapist. (Read on AO3.)

She notices Amy Santiago first, because Amy is standing at the bar wearing a full police uniform, and also, she has incredibly shiny hair, and Jocelyn’s always had a thing for brunettes.

Jocelyn pauses at the threshold of Shaw’s, eyes scanning from Amy to the booths that line the walls, until she finds the one loud group sprawled around a table toward the back. She squints, trying to identify Rosa, and that’s when someone slides up behind her and says, “Don’t move.”

Jocelyn bites her lip to keep from grinning. Rosa smells like fresh lemons and leather and just now, bourbon.

“Or what?”

A hand slips onto her hip and squeezes, and Rosa says, “Or you won’t get the first shower tomorrow morning.”

She gives Jocelyn a quick peck on the cheek, and Jocelyn lifts an eyebrow. “You should probably be careful about sneaking up behind people in a cop bar,” she says.

Rosa shrugs. “I just wanted a second alone before you meet everyone.”

“That’s sweet,” Jocelyn says. She knows Rosa will hate that, and sure enough, Rosa frowns and grimaces.

“C’mon,” she says, and tugs at Jocelyn’s hand.

Jocelyn had picked the right table, and she’s able to identify everyone else even before Rosa makes the introductions. Charles has an open, friendly face and kind eyes, and he’s wearing a tan button-down shirt and the dullest brown tie Jocelyn’s ever seen. Terry is massive and very handsome, but it’s the suspenders that give him away. Amy has re-joined the table and is sitting beside her husband. Jake is the last one she places, because she’s having trouble reconciling this man with the goofy grin and laughing eyes with the obsessed, sleep-deprived, manic detective Rosa described working with on a recent murder investigation. 

“Everyone, this is Jocelyn,” Rosa says. “Don’t be weird to her.”

“Hurtful,” Jake says, but he’s smiling, He has an arm slung around Amy’s shoulders, and he leans over the table and reaches toward Jocelyn to shake hands. “You have neat hair.”

“That was weird,” Rosa says.

+++

Jocelyn’s politics swing way left and she’s definitely never dated a cop before. But Rosa is confident and assertive and Jocelyn finds that extremely attractive, and to be honest, the fact that she carries a gun is weirdly hot. She is eagerly anticipating the day she finally gets to see Rosa in uniform.

She knows the past year hasn’t been easy, since Rosa came out to her parents. Jocelyn’s glad she did it -- to be honest, she doesn’t date people who aren’t out anymore. She gets why people stay closeted, she really does. But Jocelyn has been out since middle school and even at age 14 she knew that if someone couldn’t handle who she was, that person wasn’t worth the trouble. Now she’s 38, and she won’t be anyone’s secret.

So yeah, this feels good, squeezed into a booth at the back of a dingy cop bar with Rosa and her friends. Jake and Charles are shout-singing to Taylor Swift and Amy is pretending to be embarrassed but obviously loving it. Terry tells the table in general that he’s texting his wife that he’ll be home in time to put the twins to bed. And Rosa is definitely sitting closer to Jocelyn than she needs to, one hand on Jocelyn’s knee under the table.

+++

The invitation to join Rosa at Shaw’s came out of nowhere, which has been pretty standard. They’ve been dating a little over three months, and for most of that time Rosa’s been on the murder case with Jake, which means a lot of their dates have been spontaneous and pretty casual. (Rosa also has canceled a lot, which ordinarily would be a deal-breaker for Jocelyn, but Rosa did warn her that a detective’s life can be chaotic.)

Jocelyn got the text as she was leaving her frosting and highlighting class, the last of the day, and wondering if she should see if Rosa was free for dinner. She answered yes immediately and did a literal 180 to catch a train to Prospect Heights. Jocelyn has been dying to meet Rosa’s coworkers, who are clearly the most important people in her life given how much she talks about them. Which, honestly, isn’t a lot, but still about five times more than anyone else.

Still, she was a little afraid that the night would be all cop talk. But the Nine-Nine takes her by surprise. Ten minutes after she’s met them Charles has taken out a stack of actual printed photos of his son Nikolaj and is asking Jocelyn if she’s ever had Latvian beetroot soup, and then Terry has to show her photos (on his phone, like a normal person) of his daughters. After that Jocelyn can’t resist sharing a photo of her niece, who’s just eight months old and sadly lives on the other side of the country.

Then Amy asks her about cosmetology school and says that Jake is right, that her hair is neat.

“I’ve always wanted to try short hair but I’m afraid I don’t have the face for it,” Amy says.

“You should come by the school some time for a consultation,” Jocelyn says, tilting her head to imagine a look for Amy. “I could totally cut it for you.”

“No way!” Jake says firmly, mouth gone suddenly all pouty.

Jocelyn feels a punch of knee-jerk rage, that this guy would dare tell his wife what she can and can’t do with her hair. She opens her mouth, ready to lay into him.

And then Jake says, “You said I could cut your hair if you ever decided to go short!”

Amy rolls her eyes. “No, you are not allowed to cut my hair with the paper cutter at work. We’ve talked about this.”

“My wife is the worst,” Jake says in a whine. But he’s smiling and his eyes have gone all crinkly in the corners, and Amy tips her face up to his and kisses the corner of his mouth.

“Sorry, babe,” she says.

So Jocelyn decides that Jake and Amy are adorable and she wishes she could have been at their wedding, which Rosa said was the most romantic shit she’s ever seen, and that was after the bomb scare.

After a second round, Jocelyn asks if the captain ever joins them for drinks and Amy says, “I wish” in a dreamy sort of voice, and then she and Charles launch into a story about Holt single-handedly saving Shaw’s by drinking himself sick on Charbonnay. 

“Cabernet?” Jocelyn says.

“No,” Rosa says, looking like the very thought of that particular alcohol is going to give her a hangover. Jocelyn drops the subject.

“When do I get to meet him?” she says instead.

“Holt?” Rosa shrugs. “He’s not very social.”

“Are you kidding?” Charles calls out from Rosa’s other side. He leans over the table to address Jocelyn. “Captain Holt and Kevin love Rosa. I bet they’d have you over for Kevin’s famous white rice. I’m dying to try it but I’m not allowed in their home after last year’s tofu incident.”

Jocelyn has so many questions. “What’s the tofu-”

“Don’t ask,” Rosa says. “We should go.”

Everyone ends up leaving at once. Outside the bar, Charles gives Jocelyn a too-long hug, and Terry tells her he’s so glad they met and then seems to tear up a little and walks away in a hurry. Amy’s goodbye handshake is bone-crushing but her smile is genuine.

Jake pulls Jocelyn aside while Amy and Rosa are discussing a murder case and, improbably, blood-sniffing flies. He tells her in a hushed voice that he’s never seen Rosa happier in a relationship, and then he makes her swear to never tell Rosa he said that. (Jake also calls her Jackie, but he’s so friendly about it that she instantly forgives him.)

Rosa walks her home, and they hold hands and Jocelyn gushes about how great her coworkers are. “I wasn’t expecting to like a bunch of NYPD cops so much,” she says.

It’s dark out and Rosa is pretty inscrutable at all times anyway. But as they pass under a streetlamp, Jocelyn’s pretty sure she sees the smallest quirk of a smile.

“Yeah,” Rosa says, “they’re not bad, I guess.”

Jocelyn laughs. She recognizes high praise from her girlfriend when she hears it.

“Speaking of not bad,” Jocelyn says, and pauses, tugging at Rosa’s hand to make her stop too. She slips her arms around Rosa’s waist, and Rosa gives her another of those half-smiles and lifts a hand up to Jocelyn’s face. When they kiss, Rosa’s lips are full and soft and warm, and the slide of her tongue is electric. Jocelyn closes her eyes and hums a little, and Rosa strokes a thumb along her jawline, to the pulse point behind her ear. Her other hand curls around Jocelyn’s neck to pull her closer.

They’re both a little breathless when they break apart. Rosa’s eyes are so dark they’re almost black, but there’s a spark of something fond and joyful in them. She reaches up to brush aside the bangs that have slipped over Jocelyn’s forehead.

“They’re right,” she says, “your hair is neat.”

Jocelyn laughs out loud, and Rosa’s laughing too when they kiss again.

End Notes:

Title is from Feed the Beast (Bash Brothers).

Another massive thank you to @exploding-snapple, who put together a most amazing timeline of Season 6 without which I would have been totally lost trying to figure out the timing of this story. According to her timeline, Rosa and Jocelyn would have started dating around late December/early January of 2018-19. So by the time Jocelyn met everyone (in early April) they would have been dating about three months. (If that’s wrong for some reason, blame my math, not explodingsnapple’s timeline.)

Interestingly, much of their early dating would have taken place during The Crime Scene, which must have been intense, and perhaps influenced Jocelyn’s eventual frustration that Rosa consistently prioritizes her job over her girlfriend. (Canon is fun!)

I purposefully had Rosa sharing quite a bit of personal info about her coworkers with Jocelyn, which I realize runs counter to the Rosa we know. But my thinking is that Rosa really, really likes Jocelyn, and is maybe making an effort to be open with her. Plus, I think Rosa really loves her Nine-Nine family and would maybe want to talk about them, at this point in her life. Anyway, obviously that’s all open to interpretation.

[thankyouthankyoudt]

You know that B99 scene where Rosa tells Captain Holt that he and his husband Kevin can solve things they just have to "bone" and Holt freaks out and is like "BONE?!?!?÷?÷?" DT would be Rosa, Catra would be Holt and Kevin would be Adora.

OMG!!!! 😂