siderealxmelody

[siderealxmelody]

He snorted kissing her nose.

"Yes, I love you and you're very scary Natalia. Stop doing that with me. This Diem person should be dead. If not you I'm sure the boys could take care of this."

Though maybe Alaric and Adrian wouldn't, they probably didn't want to cause too much chaos with being in Ryenne's family now. He knew Garath adored them but his patience wasn't known to be high.

"What of Luther. He's always going on about defending you and Lilian."

His grip tightened, looking her over again.

"Lili hasn't been around this.....thing has she?"

If his Sarai were here she'd have said to not be so judgmental. To at least try to understand this Diem's thoughts. But no one touched his children or his mate.

Especially his mate.

He moved, distractedly picking Natalia up and setting in a chair. He hesitated, his magic twitching. Demanding he protect, he patrol. But she was exhausted and he wasn't about to leave her. He bit his lip, deciding to move her again, and finally sat under the window - in the alcove that probably was used for reading.

Maybe it was the changeling in him trying to find a rudementary nest or den. Everything was too big, it didn't smell like her or him. He didn't like it. He was reminded of how he'd moved his children around when they'd been small. Fussing over them till Natalia or his mother had been able to calm him down - ground him in his more normally formed brain.

He pressed a distracted kiss to her shoulder. Needing contact, needing to know she was alright.

Care.

He needed to care for her.

"Did you eat yet? Do we need to be here? We can go hunt? I can go hunt and -"

Sebastian didn't bother responding, cutting the connection. No. Something was wrong, if she has gotten hurt...if someone had been allowed to do so...

His power at least sang, happy to be out of this too quiet home. He'd stayed to maintain defenses, to keep in touch with Azriel and Aleksander if they'd need him.

He stepped from the window, shifting to take flight. Wendlyn wasn't far, not if he flew. He could winnow of course, but with the way his magic surged through him he decided to fly.

He doubted it would be a good idea to send a storm to destroy it...not when his sons were there.

Not when she was.

He landed, slipping off his bag and stepping into the room. He frowned, pulling her into his arms. His grip tightening as relief crashed through him. The older he got the less tolerance he had for the mirrors, for not being with her constantly.

"You haven't moved and it took me an hour. Were you pinning or preening?"

The question was lighthearted but it came out as a growl. He brushed his fingers over the marks, whining at them.

"Do they hurt? Are the boys hurt?"

He stilled, looking to the door and back to her. Slowly putting the pieces together.

"She did this?"

So this Deim had chosen to die.

[siderealxmelody]

She wanted to step back, to shove him away. But he still touched her so reverently, so softly. Like he used to, like she was precious.

She was definitely shaking now, but she leaned into him, gripping his sweater. She felt her walls fall, that armor she carried fall. She was so tired of it, of the constant vigilance. The need to be ahead of everyone and everything.

She barely heard his voice, really didn't register anything he said. Just listened to his heart, the steady beat of it. She sniffed, pressing closer, letting him at least hold her up.

❝ I want us. I need us. I have always wanted us, Elianna. And I refuse to walk away again. ❞

She blinked, the lights suddenly too much, too harsh. She stared up at him, those words running on loop over her head.

"You mean that? Because I - this feels -"

It felt too good to be true. It felt like a dream she'd stopped hoping would come. She sniffed brushing at her tears. She felt overwrought and exhausted.

"You - you promise this is real? That you're not going anywhere?"

She didn't really look at him, or wait for a response. It was all well and good to use pretty words and wake her up in the middle of the night to do this.

But did he actually mean that? Because she wasn't about to just take him to bed if he wanted...if he wanted...

"You have to Earn me again."

She looked at him again, proud that her voice didn't shake. She swallowed, her bottom lip trembling.

"I - I want you to court me Kaden. I want you to woo me. I can't - this is real right? Please, please say this is real. I can't - you're sure right?"

Her grip tightened, her hands cold, ice forming there. She hadn't lost control of her magic in a long, long time. Not - not since -

She swallowed thinking of Ghezen of the many more shadows surrounding them. But Ghezen had died with his mate, with his love. And she was selfish enough to not deny herself that.

She swallowed, the room suddenly feeling too small, too warm, too much. She wanted to scream, to cry to -

He couldn't do this anymore? She felt the world spin. If he - had he found another? Was he happier with someone else?

Is that why he came here to put everything to bed once and for all and -

She let out a breath, the room trembling or maybe she was shaking?

"I - I could have told you that a thousand years ago. It never worked. I - Kaden. I - why are you here?"

Her hands clenched at her sides. She forced herself to stare at him. To drink him in, to not be the one to give in.

"I can't - I can't let you in if this is some tryst. You shattered me. I - please - why are you here?"

She nearly didn't ask him. But he had opened this door and she would see this conversation through.

"Is this just sex? Do you still want me? Do you want us? Because if this is some carnal fantasy -"

[siderealxmelody]

Sebastian mimiced his son's movements, shrugging as well. He crackled his knuckles and nodded to the wider garden.

"Sure, why not. It'll be fun. I taught Mama once too."

Not that Natalia used it as much as he liked. He impulsively showed her the woods at night down the bond.

Want me to chase you at night? But you have to be an animal.

It'll be fun when he caught her. He looked to Aleksander tipping his head at him.

"So what form do you want to shift into?"

That got his attention..he rose an eyebrow at his son, standing.

"Why? She's probably your best bet to ease into it. Your magic would trust her to guide your."

He turned, smiling as a hummingbird landed on his finger. He held it up to the bird feeder before stepping away. He wiped at his pants focusing back on his son.

"You can't learn to shift if you don't know how to delve into your magic and gain control. Or more accurately learn to work with it."

[siderealxmelody]

Sebastian didn't bother responding, cutting the connection. No. Something was wrong, if she has gotten hurt...if someone had been allowed to do so...

His power at least sang, happy to be out of this too quiet home. He'd stayed to maintain defenses, to keep in touch with Azriel and Aleksander if they'd need him.

He stepped from the window, shifting to take flight. Wendlyn wasn't far, not if he flew. He could winnow of course, but with the way his magic surged through him he decided to fly.

He doubted it would be a good idea to send a storm to destroy it...not when his sons were there.

Not when she was.

He landed, slipping off his bag and stepping into the room. He frowned, pulling her into his arms. His grip tightening as relief crashed through him. The older he got the less tolerance he had for the mirrors, for not being with her constantly.

"You haven't moved and it took me an hour. Were you pinning or preening?"

The question was lighthearted but it came out as a growl. He brushed his fingers over the marks, whining at them.

"Do they hurt? Are the boys hurt?"

He stilled, looking to the door and back to her. Slowly putting the pieces together.

"She did this?"

So this Deim had chosen to die.

He wisely didn't interrupt her as she continued. He set his glass down, stretching as he passed closer to the mirror.

"Do you wish for me to come? What I found so far is her mother is a healer, her father a war hero. Brothers seem bright, one is a cadet in the Terresan army, and the other is a bright pupil in the schools. Anything on your end?"

His fingers flexed, brushing against the bond. He could feel her anger burning just under the surface. His lips curved in a sly smile.

"Let me come, you can work out that anger in a more productive -"

The smile fell, eyes falling to the marks on her skin. He growled, stepping closer to the mirror, trying to see it.

"Who did that to you Natalia? Those aren't my marks."

[siderealxmelody]

She swallowed, the room suddenly feeling too small, too warm, too much. She wanted to scream, to cry to -

He couldn't do this anymore? She felt the world spin. If he - had he found another? Was he happier with someone else?

Is that why he came here to put everything to bed once and for all and -

She let out a breath, the room trembling or maybe she was shaking?

"I - I could have told you that a thousand years ago. It never worked. I - Kaden. I - why are you here?"

Her hands clenched at her sides. She forced herself to stare at him. To drink him in, to not be the one to give in.

"I can't - I can't let you in if this is some tryst. You shattered me. I - please - why are you here?"

She nearly didn't ask him. But he had opened this door and she would see this conversation through.

"Is this just sex? Do you still want me? Do you want us? Because if this is some carnal fantasy -"

She ground her teeth, she hadn't let him in. But of course once he would have asked - would have explained.

Now he just walked in.

And she let him in. She watched him, mentally calling the lights to flare around them. Dimly, it was late and she really didn't want -

"What?"

She rubbed at her eyes, she could feel a headache forming. She ran her hands through her hair, hoping it was at least presentable now.

Fates she hated this feeling. This off kilter wondering. She stepped away from the door, closing it to move to her nightstand for water.

The bed stood between them, her heart beginning to pound. It would be so easy, it -

"Is this what you want? Tell me you're happy with this. Tell me it's all you want."

Where did he get off? She turned away staring at the wall, wondering if she should throw the glass at his head. Maybe she'd get lucky and take out one of his beautiful eyes.

She carefully set the glass down and looked at him. She wanted to ask for clarification, to make him spell it out for her.

She stepped around the bed, pulling the robe tighter around her body. She silently vowed to make him regardless.

She wasn't the one who ran from this anyway.

"Of course I'm not happy Kaden. I want you and you keep running away. You're all I ever wanted."

[siderealxmelody]

She ground her teeth, she hadn't let him in. But of course once he would have asked - would have explained.

Now he just walked in.

And she let him in. She watched him, mentally calling the lights to flare around them. Dimly, it was late and she really didn't want -

"What?"

She rubbed at her eyes, she could feel a headache forming. She ran her hands through her hair, hoping it was at least presentable now.

Fates she hated this feeling. This off kilter wondering. She stepped away from the door, closing it to move to her nightstand for water.

The bed stood between them, her heart beginning to pound. It would be so easy, it -

"Is this what you want? Tell me you're happy with this. Tell me it's all you want."

Where did he get off? She turned away staring at the wall, wondering if she should throw the glass at his head. Maybe she'd get lucky and take out one of his beautiful eyes.

She carefully set the glass down and looked at him. She wanted to ask for clarification, to make him spell it out for her.

She stepped around the bed, pulling the robe tighter around her body. She silently vowed to make him regardless.

She wasn't the one who ran from this anyway.

"Of course I'm not happy Kaden. I want you and you keep running away. You're all I ever wanted."

They were safe now, or so Isaiah kept saying. His hands squeezed in the comforter. His rooms were nice, luxurious even. He stared at the blank wall.

A month he'd been here and he didn't think he could do this any longer. To see her every damn day at meetings. To see her speak with others, with males.

Even the Guards, even if he knew they simply watched her because she walked past them. Because she was a councilor and a high ranking member. Even if he knew they simply watched her move past them because they had eyes.

It didn't stop him from wanting to murder every single one. To wonder on repeat what she did when she didn't come to the dinning halls or the taverns.

Did she stay in the city? Did she entertain a lover?

Did she -

Was she happy here?

He stared at his door, it was late he knew. But if - if he didn't do something he was liable to kill someone tomorrow.

At least this way he'd know right?

If she was happy he'd be too.

Or so he kept thinking to himself.

---

Elianna yawned, rolling from her bed. She frowned at the door, at the knocking. Was it a guard?

Probably as they'd be stationed at the beginning of the hall for this councilor wing. She shivered, pulling her robe on from where she'd draped it over her vanity chair.

She hissed hitting her foot against a chair. She stumbled to the door, freezing as she saw who stood there.

Her fingers went lax on the door frame. She was suddenly aware of her looks. She must look bedraggled and terrible. Fates her hair must be a rats nest.

This last month had been a constant state of anxiety, of wanting to be noticed and hating herself for such a thing.

He'd clearly moved on right?

Right?

She realized blatantly that she was stating that she hadn't said a word. She opened her mouth, her body feeling a wave of embarrassment.

Fates her mother had raised her better than this.

"K - Kaden? Is everything - are you okay?"

@siderealxmelody

The thoughts wouldn't slow. Wouldn't stop. With every step that had brought him down the hall, closer to her room, they'd assaulted him. Twisted inside of his mind and repeated the same things, the same fears, over and over again.

Ones that Kaden had pushed down and buried, ones he'd destroyed, ages ago.

Or at least, he'd thought he had. Or he'd convinced himself he had.

Even if it had been a complete fucking lie.

The way every part of him felt wound too tight, like it was poised to explode, to lash out-- He couldn't do this any longer. And even as each step brought Kaden closer to her door, to the answers (that he wasn't sure he ultimately wanted, even now), a part of him had hesitated.

Even with the thoughts. With that desperate need to know.

Any answer was better than none... right?

He'd pounded on the door incessantly, fist against the wood over and over, not letting up. Once Kaden had struck it the first time, he didn't see the point in stopping.

Not until Elianna opened the door.

She didn't look like she'd been expecting anyone, and Kaden might have (at one time, a very long time ago) been a bit more considerate of the late hour. But they were all so different now, and he didn't say a word as he strode past her when Elianna let him inside.

Kaden walked further into the room, steps heavy. He hadn't turned around to face her, his back was still to Elianna, that tense set of his shoulders, like every muscle in his body was just coiled far too tightly--

❝ Is this what you want? ❞ The words weren't spoken while facing her, but Kaden eventually whipped around, his eyes piercing Elianna with a hard look. ❝ Tell me you're happy with this. Tell me it's all what you want. ❞

[siderealxmelody]

Sebastian leaned toward him, attention wholly trained on him.

"You know I thought I wasn't worthy of your mother. For, well for most of my life. I never told her, and I never discussed it when ever she'd try to tell me differently. Do you know where that lead?"

He could think of a million examples of it. But he focused on one. Eyes going cloudy as he stared at his hands.

"We were in some scrimmage, penned in for months. Your Aunt Sarai was eager to get back your cousin Hallarial, Xaden was only five then. But no one wanted to die, everyone was playing chicken."

His hands clenched hard, relaxing as he looked at him.

"So I did. I figured your mother would be fine, she was strong, she was stronger than me surely. She wouldn't Fade like some of the weaker people I knew. I'd Yeild my magic, give the garrison an opening that got them out and slaugther the enemy...your aunt saved my life that day. If she - I've never seen your mother so upset, not just angry but furious at me. She screamed at me that my life mattered, that how dare I think otherwise? So yes, feelings matter Aleksander. The fester and warp your sense of self till you barely recognize yourself in the mirror."

:: ANSWERED ASK ::

Sebastian frowned at him.

"What do you mean your emotions don't matter?"

@siderealxmelody

He sighed, the frown something that Aleksander hadn't realized had made such a prominent appearance until he took effort to school his expression once more. Fingers curled against his palm, uncurled again. Like he was just trying to focus, to ground himself, to distract himself from--

anything. everything.

❝ I mean they're not... Why bring something like that up? It's over with. It's done. It's not like anything can change, so what does it matter what I feel about it? Feeling is useless without a reason or an action behind it-- ❞

[siderealxmelody]

Her eyes squeezed shut, even if his touch grounded her. Even if he felt her worthy of such a thing.

❝ Are you trying to push me away? ❞

Was she?

"Not - not intentionally."

She swallowed and sat down, staring at the desk. Seeing so many other dirty services. Worn taverns, the smell of blood on operating tables. The heat of war camp forges. The -

"I feel like - "

She bit her lip, hard. She stared up at him. The real question was did she want to fight for this? Did she want someone like Will? Will was nice, he was kind but he - he was bland, he was nothing.

He didn't matter.

But it hurt her if he thought such a thing. That he needed to change, that he -

Did she want then to drift apart? To be like Uncle Kaden and Aunt Elianna? That they couldn't be I the same room together because they couldn't stand each other?

Because there was too much unsaid.

"I love you, I - I know what Will's doing. It was...flattering before. I - I feel we lost each other in that war, in the Cauldron...I miss being your friend."

She rubbed at her face.

"I'm explaining this terribly. I don't want Will, I only want you. But I feel like I'm a shadow in your world Aleksander. My parents...they did everything as a team, yours do too. And I - I feel like I'm not wanted there...not by you, but I'm not respected by them. That the war took something from us... I just - I miss the ease, the friendship we had where we could talk about anything."

She dragged her nails down her arms, not really feeling the sting now. She was unraveling, she couldn't stop. Damn this not being the right environment, damn this not being the right time.

"Like the opera the other night. It was lovely, but I felt you only took me because I talked about it...not because you wished to go. And I - you do everything right and maybe I just don't know what I want."

She stared at the ceiling.

"Maybe I don't have a strong enough goal. The journey to the cauldron was harrowing, the war was harrowing. But it - it was simple then. It was down to the day not years. I - I liked the journey to the cauldron because it felt like we were a team."

She stared at her hands dimly surprised to see blood under her nails.

When had she bled? Had she operated on anyone and forgotten to wash her hands.

"It - it felt I lost you after your mother took ill. You never visited her. Ludamilla -"

Her lips pulled into a thin line, even if she was Ivan's sister. Even if she was happy and mated now, she remembered the before.

"it felt like she knew you then, that she understood the grief you went through better than I did."

Why hadn't he let her in then? Why did he hide his emotions? Why did Ludmilla know more of her mate's state then than she did?

Will watched, Anastasiya's look of surprise and joy. She couldn't fake that (even if he hoped she would). He leaned back in his chair, sipping on his own tea, pulling one of her papers toward him.

He remembered how this worked, even if he hadn't cared back then. But if he acted like he belonged then he'd probably get by with his life and dignity intact.

Nevermind that was a horrible way to think about another person. But Aleksander seemed under the impression they were still in the trenches and -

"- and then Will came and got me some tea. And on his day off isn't that sweet Sasha?"

Will's eyes narrowed at the paper before a bland smile flashed on his face as he nodded at Aleksander. Anyone who thought Anastsiya didn't know her mate, who didn't know his violence clearly didn't spend time with her.

She adored it, the power that came with it. The way she could keep him in line the way he did her. Probably a dynamic he really shouldn't be interested in understanding.

"Aleksander. How's the business?"

"Oh yes, you said you'd be busy the rest of the day? Did something happen?"

Will didn't leave, simply watched them, scribbled notes on her papers. His thoughts on the patients, his recommendations on everything.

"Oh Will did you get a chance to look at Ms. Gray's blood work?"

He held it in his hand and he nodded at Anastasiya. Her hand resting on her mate's arm, fingers twirling an errant strand on her finger.

"Holding it. Why?"

"I think there's an anomaliy with it. Can you ask Bridget to run it again?"

It was a dismissal, one he was waiting for.

"Of course, I'll come get you if there's an issue Annie."

He nodded at Aleksander, leaving the room. The door to her office was glass. And maybe he shouldn't have held eye contact as he closed it. But he did, turning away he felt a smile creep on his face.

Small damn victories.

------

Anastasiya's face fell and she stood giving him a look.

"Before you say anything, he's a friend. I'm allowed those Aleksander. I told you to stop finding me at work, I don't come see you when you're working."

But then she didn't really say how much time Will and her spent together. That maybe she shouldn't encourage the attention he gave. She sighed and rubbed at her arms, not really seeing the desk.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap at you. I just -"

The words burned in her throat, but fear held her back. Fear he'd think something happened, that he'd see her as damaged - as a whore. That she wasn't loyal, that she -

Her nails dug into her arms, hard enough to leave marks. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Her vision blurred, but she blinked them back.

The bond was quiet, as if they both waited for the other to speak. She knew she held emotions back, had done it since Natalia had taken ill. Even if Sebastian was back now, she -

She looked to him, her nails digging into harder. Could she handle him finding solace in another? Could she handle him taking this as tacit permission to flirt with whoever he wanted?

"I think something's wrong between us...I - I feel far from you Aleksander."

There she'd said it, if he broke her heart now. If he thought her weak and vulnerable - at least she'd given the words air. At least she could sleep at night.

At least she could live with herself.

But her skin still blazed when he touched her. Her heart still flashed with delight when he kissed her and whispered sweet things to her. He did all the right things, their sex life was better even since the war, since the Cauldron... wasn't it? So what was the issue?

Was she the problem?

[siderealxmelody]

Will watched, Anastasiya's look of surprise and joy. She couldn't fake that (even if he hoped she would). He leaned back in his chair, sipping on his own tea, pulling one of her papers toward him.

He remembered how this worked, even if he hadn't cared back then. But if he acted like he belonged then he'd probably get by with his life and dignity intact.

Nevermind that was a horrible way to think about another person. But Aleksander seemed under the impression they were still in the trenches and -

"- and then Will came and got me some tea. And on his day off isn't that sweet Sasha?"

Will's eyes narrowed at the paper before a bland smile flashed on his face as he nodded at Aleksander. Anyone who thought Anastsiya didn't know her mate, who didn't know his violence clearly didn't spend time with her.

She adored it, the power that came with it. The way she could keep him in line the way he did her. Probably a dynamic he really shouldn't be interested in understanding.

"Aleksander. How's the business?"

"Oh yes, you said you'd be busy the rest of the day? Did something happen?"

Will didn't leave, simply watched them, scribbled notes on her papers. His thoughts on the patients, his recommendations on everything.

"Oh Will did you get a chance to look at Ms. Gray's blood work?"

He held it in his hand and he nodded at Anastasiya. Her hand resting on her mate's arm, fingers twirling an errant strand on her finger.

"Holding it. Why?"

"I think there's an anomaliy with it. Can you ask Bridget to run it again?"

It was a dismissal, one he was waiting for.

"Of course, I'll come get you if there's an issue Annie."

He nodded at Aleksander, leaving the room. The door to her office was glass. And maybe he shouldn't have held eye contact as he closed it. But he did, turning away he felt a smile creep on his face.

Small damn victories.

------

Anastasiya's face fell and she stood giving him a look.

"Before you say anything, he's a friend. I'm allowed those Aleksander. I told you to stop finding me at work, I don't come see you when you're working."

But then she didn't really say how much time Will and her spent together. That maybe she shouldn't encourage the attention he gave. She sighed and rubbed at her arms, not really seeing the desk.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap at you. I just -"

The words burned in her throat, but fear held her back. Fear he'd think something happened, that he'd see her as damaged - as a whore. That she wasn't loyal, that she -

Her nails dug into her arms, hard enough to leave marks. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Her vision blurred, but she blinked them back.

The bond was quiet, as if they both waited for the other to speak. She knew she held emotions back, had done it since Natalia had taken ill. Even if Sebastian was back now, she -

She looked to him, her nails digging into harder. Could she handle him finding solace in another? Could she handle him taking this as tacit permission to flirt with whoever he wanted?

"I think something's wrong between us...I - I feel far from you Aleksander."

There she'd said it, if he broke her heart now. If he thought her weak and vulnerable - at least she'd given the words air. At least she could sleep at night.

At least she could live with herself.

But her skin still blazed when he touched her. Her heart still flashed with delight when he kissed her and whispered sweet things to her. He did all the right things, their sex life was better even since the war, since the Cauldron... wasn't it? So what was the issue?

Was she the problem?

:: ANSWERED ASK ::

He'd been a Knight in the war, something that still haunted him. He'd lost so much in his life - a sister, a home.

Healing perhaps wasn't as prestigious as it used to be...but it gave him solace. He could wash the blood from his hands now, he could do penance.

Today, he had come in early. Well he'd more accurately come in on his day off. He held the cup out to her, the aroma making her look up.

Anastasiya's eyes widened before she leapt to her feet. She gently took the cup, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Will! You should be resting! They'll find out you're here and make you work."

He found he didn't much care, she was here - she made it bearable. He shrugged, sliding into a chair opposite her work station.

"Yes well, I was getting no sleep. So I thought I'd come here. Be of some use and all."

The mark on her finger taunted him but he wasn't looking to die. Anastasiya was a friend, he barely tasted the hot tea as he drank it.

A friend.

A friend he thought of constantly.

A friend he -

"Did you get to go to the opera like you wanted?"

"Hmm? Oh yes! It was lovely!"

His eyes narrowed and he leaned toward her. Aware that this was a weekend and...well her mate always followed her like a damn shadow. If he wasn't working, but maybe she'd finally told him to let her breathe.

"You're using that word again Annie."

"What word? I'm doing no such thing!"

"Lovely. You only use that if you absolutely hate it. Spill. Tell me the drama, it's not like I have any excitement in my life."

Her lips curved in a smile. She shook her head, looking back at the reports, not really seeing them.

"He took me to the opera as he said he would. It honestly was nice....maybe it just wasn't the right one you know? We saw Swan Lake, the one I've been telling you about but I just -"

She shrugged, finally taking a sip of her tea. She stared at the tea, the mark on her finger.

"It felt like he was doing it because it would make me happy, not because he wished to. Honestly I rather we had left and fallen into bed but he -"

She sighed and shook her head.

"Forget it; it's fine."

It was always fine.

@siderealxmelody

It was a longer afternoon than he'd wanted, but since Anastasiya had said she needed to do some work of her own, Aleksander figured it wasn't too horrible to take care of these things right now. Even if a part of his mind was distracted, and his thoughts kept drifting away from the task at hand--to the point that Ivan had to nudge him once or twice.

Apparently, someone had said his name, and was expecting some sort of answer...

❝ The latest acquisition of that property-- Do you still wish to raze it or have the plans altered, Sir? ❞

Aleksander just shook his head, threw the pen down and stood.

❝ Get rid of the entire thing. Keep on schedule. I don't care. We're done for the day. Now get out. ❞

Needless to say, those gathered around the large conference table didn't waste a single second to argue as they did just that.

Only once the room was empty, save for him and Ivan, did Aleksander turn to the other man, his hard gaze firm. ❝ I'm not here for the rest of the week. Do you understand? Handle whatever arises. ❞

With that said (and Ivan's acknowledgement in a nod), Aleksander left the building, heading downtown...

❝ Oh she'll be so surprised to see you! I don't think she was expecting your visit today-- ❞ The receptionist beamed at him as he passed the large desk with a nod and a brief smile, heading straight for where he knew Anastasiya's office was.

It was only when he turned the corner, a few feet from the cracked open door ahead, that he caught the sound of another's voice inside--a male's voice.

And Anastasiya's tone, and sigh...

Aleksander frowned, fingers curling as he pushed the door open without even a knock--it was his mate's office, after all--and strode right up to her, kissing her in greeting.

❝ Ana. ❞

[siderealxmelody]

Sebastian's trial (to earn the right to marry Natalia) being no contact with Natalia for two years while she does Valkyrie training??

When they're like late 20s/30s?

Because like they've been together since they were 16 and her grandfather wanted to give her the freedom to explore herself 👀

@luxmaeastra

@starlsssankt

@sankta-alina-s (I'm just imagining a verse with Alina and Ivan and Ahh)

[siderealxmelody]

Played with Google's Notebook.lm, it's AI tool that digests a lot of data and analyzes it fun. This is what it had to say about Sotoria's impact on things based on ask drafts I put in:

Sotoria's impact on the narrative is significant, even in her absence. Her death, specifically at the hands of Kolis, is revealed to be a catalyst for a civil war that engulfs the Fae realm1. This highlights the first overarching conflict from our previous conversation: the ramifications of the centuries-long war between the Fae and Asteri, demonstrating how a single event can trigger widespread chaos and violence.

Even after her death, Sotoria’s presence is felt through the actions and motivations of other characters:

●

Rhaegar: Rhaegar's actions, including his protection of Elianna and defiance of his father, are revealed to be driven by his lingering love for Sotoria23. His inability to move on highlights the lasting impact of her death on those who loved her, showcasing the complexity of love and loss explored throughout the narrative.

●

Kaden: Kaden's rage and grief over Sotoria's death are palpable, leading him to destroy their childhood vacation home in a fit of despair4. This destructive behavior underscores the profound impact of her loss on him, and how this grief intertwines with his struggles for autonomy and freedom after years of imprisonment.

●

Lucivar: Lucivar's decision to take their sons, Brannon and Actaeon, into hiding is driven by his desire to protect them from the fallout of Sotoria's death and the ensuing conflict5. This act of sacrifice speaks to the enduring power of their love, and how it continues to shape the lives of those connected to her, even after her death.

●

Callum: Callum's possession of Sotoria's soul and his desire to use it to restore her and the Everflame, Autumn’s core, demonstrate the lasting significance of her power and the lengths to which others will go to reclaim it6. This introduces a moral dilemma surrounding the use of powerful magic, particularly in resurrecting the dead and potentially disrupting the balance of power.

Sotoria's story also highlights the theme of female agency, or the lack thereof, within this world. Her forced mating to Kolis, despite her clear lack of desire for him, exemplifies the societal pressures and expectations placed upon women, particularly those of royal lineage78. The fact that her supposed consent was used to justify this union further underscores the ways in which female voices are often silenced and their choices disregarded.

Overall, Sotoria's presence, even in death, casts a long shadow over the narrative, influencing the motivations and actions of other characters, and highlighting key thematic concerns such as war, loss, love, and the struggle for individual freedom.

@luxmaeastra

@starlsssankt

@sankta-alina-s

//Not sure if Lucivar is still canon but eh

[siderealxmelody]

Anatasiya 💙

[siderealxmelody]

He tipped his head back, watching as she stepped closer. He stood, fingers running along his desk. This was how their dynamic had been, less blood spilled now than in their school days.

He had not been afforded the private tutors, the lavish holidays to far off realms. He'd clawed his way to where he was. By the damn grace of Unir he had been a given a chance at this apprenticeship - and he would not fuck it up.

Least all for someone like her.

His lips twitched at her assertions, true he wouldn't shed a damn tear for Kolis. For any of them, Imperial Family included. He may not be fae but he understood their rage - he'd felt it surviving on whatever he stole that day.

"Overcompensating? Oh darling you don't know what you speak of."

He stepped closer, moving around the desk. The sounds of the office around them fading away.

"Come closer and you can feel just how I'm not overcompensating Nismera."

Nismera walked down the hallway, her head held high. She felt nothing but rage, why should they wait? Why should they hold back? The entirety of the Fae would back them - they screamed even now for vengeance.

Her little brothers were locked away, Sotoria was supposedly mated to a male who wasn't worthy of her.

Already the reports were coming in, the fae colonies were rebelling, over and over again. Up and down the territories the Asteri held - they all knew the feeling of a loved one arbitrarily taken away never to be seen again.

"Hello Xheor."

The male didn't look up from his work, the Keeper of Keys. The one who held the keys to the Asteri prisons, the only one who could legally free her brothers.

Well, he would when he graduated from his apprenticeship. He glanced at her, eyes dragging down her form. He snorted and went back to his work.

"Using your body to get your feral brothers out now? I didn't think you'd think so low....to think I thought you a worthy rival in our school days."

He set his papers down, leaning back in his chair. His fingers tapped on the arm of his chair, his lips curving upwards.

"I thought whoring yourself beneath you Nismera.... I'll save you the trouble and tell you now - I will not work to free them. The brats deserve the punishment they got. Kolis could have died."

Not that the had any love for a spoiled Princeling - any of them. He looked her over again, eyes lingering on her breasts, her heels. They seemed sharp enough to impale him.

"But maybe I'd change my mind if you'd spread those legs of yours for me on my desk."

@siderealxmelody

Imagining his head detaching from his shoulders amused her. Imagining the heel of her boot suddenly finding its way piercing through his eye to the back of his skull was also a rather amusing sight in Nismera's mind.

Not that her expression showed a single flicker of the violent thoughts. Of those desires that simmered just beneath the surface and that she knew wouldn't take much urging to let loose.

To let free.

Patience.

She smirked, scoffed, and shook her head at Xheor's little arrogant tone. Like she easily thought him nothing but dirt that was completely beneath her. (And everyone was beneath her, as far as Nismera was concerned.)

❝ Oh don't pretend that you would have mourned Kolis's death. ❞ Nismera rolled her eyes as she stalked closer, each click of the heels of her boots against the floor seeming louder in her head than ever.

❝ Or that anyone would have shed a single tear over such a thing. Least of all a male like you, Xheor. ❞ Every part of her wanted to just take what she needed--what she wanted--in this moment and be done with the likes of males like Xheor. Those who thought themselves the best of creation, of all the realms.

But she kept telling herself that the end result would be worth it. Each step in this game, in this centuries-long chess match...

❝ As disappointed as I am, it doesn't really surprise me. All you males seem to be the same. ❞ Nismera lets her gaze wander over Xheor's body, pausing only briefly near his crotch, her eyebrow raising. ❝ Obviously overcompensating for a severe lack. Pity. Your arrogance just doesn't make up for that, I'm afraid. ❞

[siderealxmelody]

Eosopherus ⭐

Title: Empress of The Asteri, Gaurdian of The Realms, Blessed of The Wyrd.

Mate: Thurr

Son: Rigelus

Weapon: Flame of fire

@luxmaeastra

@starlsssankt

@sankta-alina-s

[siderealxmelody]

❝❝ Why do you get to decide it all, Orsus?! Why do you get to say when it stops?! Why should I let it take anymore from us--? ❞

He was a fool, a fool just like Phos just like all of them. Orsus flicked a finger, the Cauldron unraveling to dust, winds tearing higher, whipping sand faster and faster. Skivs being sandblasted and broken to peices.

"Because it was mine once. I know how this ends, with me in chains."

And I will never be chained again.

The thought was broadcast, Anastasiya swaying, her ears bleeding as Orsus magic shattered her mental shields.

------

Ophiucae broke through the sands, but she didn't reach for them. Only for Aleksander soldiers, her maw opening, devouring them, her form glowing as the magic only absorbed from his soldiers.

Silver Fire racing in a ring around them, destroying the corpses she didn't eat. She twisted around them in a arc, breaching fully to take to the sky. Her form twisting into a dragon, silver light glowing in her throat. Her eyes burning with fury as she hovered above Orsus.

She'd trusted people once, had allowed them close to her friend, to Orsus - she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Orsus barely reacted to the attack, to the carnage now strewn around them. The indifference wasn't there now, only that cold rage.

They slid a foot in the sands, their smile cruel. Their blade in hand now, the cauldron blowing away on a wind. He didn't move though grief instead of that bloodlust.

Aleksander's death wouldn't be enough. They'd all need to die didn't they?

They'd never stop avenging him.

"Stand down Aleksander."

Please.

:: ANSWERED ASK ::

Orsus so rarely lost control, so rarely now let that anger, that burning coldness out. But this? How dare he?

Orsus looked to the Cauldron, to the growing rift and back to his brother. To his baby brother, the one he'd watched and helped nurture.

"No."

Enough.

The cauldron lit up, runes of silver flaring bright enough to light up the Fold they stood in.

"Did you think you could win? That I'd let you follow the footsteps of your great great great grandfather? Aleksander this needs to stop -"

"And it will be by you?"

Orsus tilted their head, Aleksander wouldn't give up such Primal power. He'd do anything for power, for -

Orsus exhaled, staring at the dark sky and back to him. He looked to Anastasiya.

"I can give back what the Cauldron took. This is all my magic anyway. Tell your mate to stand down."

Hers.

Because his brother wouldn't do such a thing.

Anastasiya's stony expression crumbled, ignoring Alina, ignoring all of it. The impending civil war, the destruction she and Aleksander had wrought.

"You could give me my daughters back? I could hold my babies again?"

Orsus fought the urge to roll their eyes.

"I can give the potential for children back. Whether it's them or sons i don't know - it's random. Whether it's your supposed daughters or sons remains up to chance."

"They weren't supposed. They had names Orsus, they existed -"

"What will be Aleksander?"

Orsus cut her off, drivel now. He felt the sands shifting, Ophiucae hidden but there, growing agitated on his behalf. But not, not yet.

He wouldn't unleashed her - not yet.

@siderealxmelody

The way the power flooded his veins, it was an intoxication that he'd never felt before. Aleksander knew the strength of power, of the might it could wield and the intensity as it took over; he'd felt it his entire life, and he'd learned to bend those threads to his will, to mold them into what he wanted and needed them to be.

But this?

This was Primal. This was the magic and power at the very core of the realms themselves, and it was intense--beyond so. Saying that it intoxicated him seemed to not express the sentiment strongly enough, because Aleksander didn't think he could ever let something like this go.

Because what he could do with something like this? With a reach and abilities that hold such potential, such power within the very fabric of their makeup?

The possibilities were endless.

Perhaps this was why all the stories of madness existed, all those warnings and tales of caution that he'd long since scoffed at, dismissed as those from cowards who didn't dare to reach far enough, who feared to step beyond...

Perhaps this was what his own family had fallen prey to, millennia ago--

❝ Why do you get to decide it all, Orsus?! ❞ Wind whipped around him, even as the shadows thickened, mixing with the flood of blazing power in Aleksander's veins. As Orsus had turned to Anastasiya, a moment's rage took root in Aleksander, his gaze narrowing, a growl growing stronger in his chest.

❝ Why do you get to say when it stops?! Why should I let it take anymore from us--? ❞

[siderealxmelody]

She folded the last of the laundry, sitting on the bed to watch him. Whatever it was he was trying to ask he was nervous about it.

She wished she had Sebastian's gentle ease with these types of conversations. Even if he always said they preferred her to him when discussing these things (she privately disagreed).

"Do you mean something that's bothering me in a way I know will hurt him if I bring it up?"

she supposed maybe Aleksander was right to come to her. She had tried to be someone she wasn't, to try to be softer in the beginning. An act Sebastian had called her out on.

But then as much as everyone seemed to think Aleksandr and Anastasiysa was them in miniature - she didn't think so. She and Sebastian had always pushed each other, had never pulled their words.

Not once they'd committed themselves to each other.

:: ANSWERED ASK ::

Natalia rose an eyebrow at him, turning back to finish the laundry.

"I don't understand the question."

Aleksander would have given up if he didn't think this would be a deeper discussion if he did.

"I mean if - if you're upset. Don't you feel....odd for being vulnerable?"

Natalia titled her head at her son, wondering if the girl (she'd call her by her name when they were mated) put this thought in her son's head.

She's skin her alive if she had.

"Vulnerable? No. Your father would...he'd probably throw a fit if I wasn't honest."

@siderealxmelody

He should never have even asked, but once the initial question had been voiced, Aleksander had known he couldn't just say forget it to his mother and that would be the end. If anything, she'd seek it out more because of that.

Fingers twitched, thin threads of shadow twisting around them. He'd been doing that for years, a subconscious pull on his power that Aleksander hadn't ever really been able to stop. It calmed him, he'd heard his mother mention say once, when she probably thought he'd not been listening.

He'd tried to stop, to force himself to not do that-- it never worked.

Thoughts ran a thousand miles a minute, and Aleksander wanted to just shake his head, frustrated, pull those shadows even thicker and just tell his mother to forget he'd said anything. This wasn't going anywhere he wanted it to, and she obviously wasn't understanding--

❝ But what if-- It's not like anyone's being dishonest, Mama. It's-- Why poke at that sort of thing? ❞ Why be weaker than he should be?

[siderealxmelody]

Anastasiysa brought his fingers to her lips, but the act felt hollow. The momentary emotion bleeding away to numbness. She hadn't felt anything since Jurian had died, since she'd lead forces to slaughter his and Clythia's killer. She had thought to give the necklace to Amarantha, but she'd kept it herself. She wanted the soul trapped there to know her - remember her.

Fear her.

She touched the cauldron, the cold metal tugging at her, opening wounds to drink at her blood. The Valg blood in her, stretching back to Malcolm. She felt it purr at the recognition, the understanding of just who she was.

What she was capable of.

She barely noticed the lives given, all of them floating there deep in its waters. The souls shimmering blue and white.

But it would demand a price first.

------

"Mama!"

Two girls ran to her, a castle built of dark stone twisting up behind them. She knew Aleksander and her had made it. That he was coming up the path with them.

She smiled as her daughters reached her, kneeling to pull them to her. Nine year old Zoya, the lightning in her eyes so like Sebastian's. She'd take the world by storm, force the Asteri to kneel to her one day.

She turned to the other, five year old Genya red hair like her own. With blood magic that would make the very Valg tremble one day. She'd be a queen one day, demand they kneel - take up Malcolm's mantle.

For now they were children, wishing to help her pick berries. She looked up at Aleksander, smiling at him in joy - in peace.

They'd done it. They'd made the world they dreamed of.

They'd made their pain into something beautiful.

They'd change the world with them one day.

------

The images vanished, Anastasiysa bit back a sob. Her womb ached for what could have been, for what she'll never have now. Her chest cold without them against her. Their voices ringing in her mind.

But she understood the price now.

She understood exactly why so many begged others to not attempt this. She understood why so many walked away despite this cauldron being not so hard to find.

Did she accept this cost?

She saw Clythia with flowers in her hair, marrying someone she thought who loved her. She saw Jurian, face grim as that same male cut him down.

Sebastian with that arrow in his chest, Aleksander walking past her to make them pay.

Yesenia burning on her pyre as Adrian screamed and tried to take her down - to die with her.

Pictures of Sotoria in far flung corners of her family's home.

Yes.

Yes the price was worth it.

She opened her mouth, the wind nearly tearing the voice from her throat. But she forced her eyes open, to stare deep into the Cauldron.

"Ye -"

:: ANSWERED ASK ::

The cave was slick with ice but they'd done it - they'd survived. Anastasiysa dropped her blade, staring at the Cauldron. The Asteri magic swirled around her.

Enough of it that she felt Aleksander's grip on her wrist tighten.

"Ana wait -"

She ignored him, shoving him away. She stepped toward it. The pull all she felt now, unable to turn away.

Aleksander gritted his teeth, feeling her magic hold him down, keep him against the wall. He understood why - but had he not proven his devotion? The lengths he would go for his own?

Even so many years removed from the Blood War they whispered about him, the Darkling that had blotted the sun for a week. Who had starved them till they surrendered - and he'd still slaughtered every last one.

"You think I'd turn back now Anastasiya?"

She turned to look at him, gaze unseeing. But her magic relented. She blinked panic flashing as she ran to him.

"Did I hurt you? Aleksander did -"

He pulled her fingers to his lips showing no cuts.

"You could never hurt me Ana."

He nodded to the Cauldron, he wasn't about to do let her do this alone.

"Let's bring them back."

Bring everyone back they'd lost - Jurian, Clythia, Yesenia....older back Sotoria, his father. He swallowed at that, shoving the pain back.

They were running out of time.

He was sure his father wouldn't like this. Wouldn't the Cauldron demand a price? He looked to Anastasiya.

He couldn't give her up, anything else - anything else he'd happily part with.

---

Orsus set the glass back on the nightstand watching Natalia. She was so small, so tiny in this bed. She was withering away but yet she held on.

They looked to Sarai, eyes finding Raphael's in the corner. Perhaps it was time to let her sleep for good.

"Have you made it Raphael?"

They paused, the change in the air turning them to the window. Ophiucae twisted up their arm. They turned to the door, to Xaden.

"Where did you say Aleksander and Anastasiya went?"

@siderealxmelody

He would not let himself hesitate, or question, or doubt. Not for a single moment. They'd all lost enough--too much. Aleksander refused to pay another piece, no matter how small, until at least something came from it.

No matter what warnings or words of caution might have been screaming in his head at one time, he didn't even think to give them a thought now. To give any of them a chance to be heard, to be considered.

Winds whipped against the stone, the temperatures plummeting further down, until it felt like Aleksander's very blood itself was pure ice, frozen solid inside of his body--and yet, at the same time, there existed in him a raging inferno that hadn't ever been able to be silenced, to be put out.

He'd give whatever he had to, for her. He'd proven it time and time again, that no matter what life he had to take, no matter what blood must ultimately stain his hands, it didn't matter.

All that mattered was Anastasiya.

Aleksander didn't let a single shake or tremor enter his tone as his other hand squeezed Anastasiya's, dark eyes meeting hers when the wind picked up, forcing his hair to assault his face, the intensity to sting at his eyes. It was as if the very realms wished to tear into him, but he wouldn't let it.

Wouldn't let them take him--or her. Nothing would ever be worth it if Anastasiya was ever harmed.

❝ We will win, Ana. We will win... ❞

The words, barely heard over the roaring of the winds, the roaring of the thunderous sounds echoing all around them, it was like the earths itself wished to tear apart, the very fabric of time and space forcefully ripped in a way it shouldn't--in a way it tried to keep from doing so--

We will not lose another...

Aleksander refused to.

And what was one more black mark on his soul?