#was i afraid on them? maybe. did they watch me from my shelf as i slept? yes

[littleplantfreak]

the downside to starting to goodnight kiss your stuffed animals every night before bed is that once you lie down, you may end up remembering you forgot one right before you fall asleep and now you have to wake up again because it just doesn’t feel right going to bed without doing it

[otomiyaa]

Ticklish Vyn Richter x Reader

Romantic + 47. “I wasn’t even touching you.” Requested by anon for my 1K Followers Event🌻

It was still early and the scent of coffee and baked egg still lingered in your apartment as you cleaned up the kitchen.

You hummed and thought about today's plans. "Vyn, will you join me to the store today? I need to get some groceries."

"Sure thing." Vyn stood right by your side to help you clean up and -

"AHh!" you suddenly yelped and pulled your arms back immediately. The salt which you were trying to put on the top shelf fell from your hands, and you watched how the little container fell on the floor, scattering the contents all over.

Vyn stared at it. "I guess we need new salt too," he said dryly. You sighed.

"I'm sorry about that," you whined, and you kneeled down to clean up the mess.

"What happened anyway? Did I startle you?" Vyn asked. You blushed.

"I thought... I thought you were going to tickle me. Silly, right?"

You glanced shyly at his reaction, and he chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want me to?"

"No! You just moved your hand like that, and my arms were up and... it's a normal reflex, don't worry about it."

"I think it's because you're just too ticklish," Vyn said teasingly. You gasped and blushed even more.

"Dr. Vyn, as a psychiatrist you should know everything about human reactions like this. It's called anticipation. A-anyone would've reacted like this."

"Only anyone who's as ticklish as you are. Very true, sweetie."

You held back a laugh. Sometimes Vyn was just too smug and teasy. Such a know-it-all. You interrupted the salt-cleaning by grabbing his wrist, and you pulled him up. You cornered him against the kitchen counter and looked at him intensely.

"I'll show you. Here. Arms up."

Vyn stared at you. "And if I don't want to?"

You rolled your eyes. "Then I'll say you're a childish doctor who can't prove he's right. So, arms up!"

Vyn, though still smirking and looking way too confident, raised his arms.

"I think you're actually being the childish one here, but I won't say it. So, like this?" He put his hands behind his head.

You nodded. "That's more like a model pose, but sure. So I move my hands like this," you said, moving your hands closer to his exposed torso.

Shit. He didn't even twitch! He cocked his head. "And then what?" he asked.

"And then..." You moved your hands even closer. Damn, was it really just you? Too ticklish to even get someone's hand close to you whenever you lift your arms without activating your jumpy reflexes? You knew Vyn was ticklish too. Maybe not as bad as you were, but you really thought he'd react.

Hm... You wiggled your fingers experimentally. Now that worked. Vyn lowered his arms in surprise.

"What's wrong? I wasn’t even touching you." Now it was your turn to be smug. Vyn glared at you.

"I didn't wiggle my fingers. It doesn't count," he said, grabbing your hand and intertwining your fingers to make you stop wiggling them right next to him.

"Oh but it does count. I was proving to you that reacting because of anticipating tickles could happen to anyone. Unless... you fall in the same category as me? Are you that ticklish as well? I don't recall it," you teased, and you were pleased when you successfully landed an attack: you brought your free hand to his side and started to tickle.

"Hehehey! Don't - now y-you're just beheing- ahhhahah!" Vyn giggled. Cute. He dropped your other hand and tried to catch the tickly one, not realizing he freed your hand to do just the same. Now you could tickle him with both hands, and Vyn wiggled charmingly against the kitchen counter.

"I'm just being ahahah? I'm afraid I do not understand, doctor," you sang. Vyn's reflex was taking him further back into the kitchen in a cute ticklish dancing routine. You chuckled when you flexibly hopped around the salt on the floor while he pranced right through it with his bare feet.

"Right through the salt you go," you giggled, catching him again when he couldn't go further. Then when you managed to dig both your claws into his tummy from behind, you really had him. Your lover thought he could tease you about being ticklish without consequences? Think again!

"Okahahay! Point mahahade! Now s-stohohop!" Vyn laughed. Usually strong enough to pin you down and tickle you to tears, Vyn actually didn't seem able to shake you off him right now. You couldn't believe you hadn't tried to tickle him before. Well, at least not like this.

You had sometimes given him a soft tickle here and there, a little poke or some flirty things like sliding your finger down his back, enough to make him gasp or giggle, but it'd usually result in just a mild reaction and your own downfall.

What a nice discovery on a plain Saturday morning!

"Ihihif you d-don't stop hehe- I'll-!" You didn't let him finish and managed to twirl him around so you could stand on your toes to kiss him.

Vyn laughing like this really had made you fall in love with him even more. You felt him relax, as did your fingers on his sides. You wrapped your arms around his middle. Pressing your body against him, you really were getting ready to taste more of him. But no making out was going to happen the moment Vyn buried his fingers under your arms.

"HNGah!" You jumped with your arms still around him, and your eyes widened in realization.

"I was going to say... If you don't stop, I'll get you back twice as much. Did you want that to happen?" Vyn asked in such a stern voice it sounded sexy.

"I.... I stohohopped!" you laughed, but Vyn was already tickling you. Well, that was bound to happen, and soon you sank through your knees and literally went rolling through the salt, squealing and cackling while Vyn had his well-deserved revenge.

Oh well, adding this salty tickle fight to your romantic experiences with Vyn Richter... you couldn't really complain!

[centuryberry]

I wasn't gonna say anything, but I did think yue was being pretty racist/xenophobic in thinking azure was gonna kill her bc he's a lion demon. One thing would be bc of his actions (though trying to steal a married man, while bad, is leagues better than child murder), or bc misunderstandings of things she heard, but no it's specifically because he's a lion. Does she assume things from other animal demons bc of their form, or is it only azure bc he's a threat to her parents marriage

All right, before you get the torches and the pitchforks about Yue and her apprehension towards Azure, there's a reason why this AU Yue thinks this way when all her other counterparts don't. And it's because of Wukong.

When teaching her about her monkey and yaoguai heritage, Wukong didn't hold back on the gritty details about yaoguai instincts. Traditional demons have a violent culture and follow their instincts more often than not, which is why they are often opposed to the Celestial Realm and seen as monsters. It's why Wukong and his kingdom faced many territory wars and skirmishes.

The thing about the yaoguai is that they do show and share some instincts and habits of the animals that they take after. Monkey yaoguai build nests and groom, wolf yaoguai place importance in pack bonds/family, tiger yaoguai are extremely territorial and solitary, and so on. Some yaoguai also take on some less...nice instincts. Wukong told Yue about a tiger demon who caught and ate the baby monkeys of his troop before he took it down.

Now, Yue didn't just take this and think: "all yaoguai who are big cats are going to eat me. automatically." No, she thought: "oh no, another fixation, I gotta research about this. before it consumes my mind like herbs." So, she got her hands on a book of animal facts (the closest she could ever get to her interest) and studied hard. It's the book where she got the cuttlefish fact in Unpaid Babysitting.

Now, how does this apply to Azure?

Yue quickly learned through reading between the lines that Azure still held a torch for Wukong and definitely wasn't Macaque's friend. He was actually trying to replace her other parent as Empress if she was reading things right.

Azure is an enemy to her parents' marriage, so Yue mentally treats him as such. She expects nothing but the worst from him. She needs to know what he can do and what he's capable of doing, but since Wukong says nothing but nice things about him, Yue can only guess the worst. The Jade Palace also sounded like a historical C-Drama Yue used to watch in her past life, so she knew that kids weren't exactly off-limits when it comes to these type of conflicts, especially not children of the Emperor.

And this line of thought automatically reminded her of the lion fact that she read in her book. It also reminded her about Wukong's lecture about yaoguai instincts. So, she concluded that Azure, being from the Jade Palace Court AND a lion yaoguai, wouldn't mind getting rid of her if the opportunity presented itself.

Now, let's make this clear: Yue isn't afraid of Azure because he's a lion yaoguai, she's afraid because the lion yaoguai is Azure.

Azure, who's charismatic, politically powerful, smart, and still going after Wukong even though he's married. If marriage wouldn't stop him, why would a kid? And he might claim that he'd be fine with raising Yue if something unfortunate ever happened to Macaque, but what about the potential children that would come from Azure and Wukong's union? Yue would be an obstacle. A reminder about Macaque and Wukong's love. Maybe even be the thing that holds Wukong back.

Yue is stuck on the "lions kill cubs not fathered by them" fact since she is a cub. She's squishy, tiny, baby Yue who can't even reach beyond the second shelf without some help. Lionesses on guard against them already have problems with keeping their cubs alive, what about Wukong who seems to trust Azure? If Wukong just blatantly rejected Azure and his romantic overtures, Yue wouldn't be as stressed, but he was an idiot so she was stuck with this scenario.

So yeah, Yue had been stewing with this kind of fear long before she popped out of the mirror. It didn't help when she saw how devastated Azure was when he laid eyes on her and his disturbing insistence on getting some time alone with her. (Murder! Her overthinking mind cries.)

But here's the kicker: Azure Lion isn't actually a yaoguai. He's a Celestial Beast. Two different creatures. Azure doesn't even have that strong of an instinct to follow and/or overcome. But Wukong didn't tell Yue about this difference and Yue didn't know enough Otome Game lore to understand this. And Wukong didn't even correct her when she first brought up her fears.

Yue's assumptions are mostly born out of her fears, imagination, ignorance, and Wukong (and Macaque) not sitting her down and correcting her.

Funnily enough, Yue never has this irrational fear toward anyone else. Not even Peng. Random lion or tiger yaoguai? Nothing. Just Azure. So, if her thoughts and actions are still construed as racism, then it's a special sort of racism directed at Azure and nobody else.

(This started out as a funny gag and callback to the animal fact Yue dropped in Unpaid Babysitting and I ended up expanding on some yaoguai culture. Hope this was a good enough explanation.)

[walkingstackofbooks]

For the ficlet prompt. What do you think their first lunch was like after the Dominion camp?

Julian is reeling from the ramifications of the changling that took his place, which everyone liked better. And maybe he's disappointed in Garak especially for not recognizing the imposter.

But also he learned the truth about Tain and watched Garak see his father die (and WHY did Garak do that??) and Julian probably wants to comfort his friend / situationship.

Garak meanwhile is reliving all the lunches that were actually the changling over the past few months. And his dad died and Julian SAW it (because he wanted Julian there). And he's worried about Julian who just got back from prison and probably has PTSD. And also why didn't he recognize the changling is he losing his edge as a spy?

And neither of them can say anything directly at lunch. So is it awkward? Are they both just so relieved to have the other there that it isn't awkward?

Do they talk about some book that acts as a perfect metaphor for what one (or maybe both) of them are going through??

Thanks to some assiduous Garak trickery over Halloween, I've finally got there! Thank you for your patience! (I know I never promised prompts would end up fulfilled, but still - half of this has been sitting in my drafts since July!)

I'm afraid this is not a happy fic, but I hope it answers a couple of your questions nonetheless! Thank you for the prompt - it was super interesting to think about!

--

The sound of the door chime startled him, and something dropped to the floor as he realised that his mind had drifted off again. It was now 12:38, which meant that he'd been out of it for some twenty-seven minutes - not the longest stretch by any means, but long enough. He looked down at the duster that had landed on his foot; apparently, he'd been cleaning? A glance around the quarters confirmed it: everything looked just that little bit neater, the books on the shelf were in a different order, and the sofa no longer bore the evidence that he had been sleeping on that instead of the bed.

Julian shivered. He had meant to tidy up, rearrange some things - but the purpose had been to make the quarters feel decidedly his again, and this... this didn't.

The door chimed again, and he hurried to shout 'Enter', knowing how easy it had been to concern his friends these past few days.

For some reason, it had not crossed his mind that it might be Garak to come through the door, armed with his usual pleasant smile. Maybe Julain had got too used to all the worried looks his other friends had been shooting him, but he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or apprehensive about the Cardassian's appearance. Everyone else had been understanding, at least, about the weird ways his trauma had been making itself known since he had got back – even if he had been embarrassed to have them see him like that, surely reinforcing how inferior the real Julian Bashir was to the pretend one. But Garak, well... who knew how he'd react?

"I see you weren't expecting me, Doctor," Garak said.

"Not exactly," responded Julian. "What are you doing here in—"

He hesitated, voice stuttering to a halt over the word "my quarters". It still didn't feel right. "What are you doing here?" he finished weakly instead.

"Well, I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about our scheduled discussion," said Garak. "Although, of course, if you have other things to do…"

"No," broke in Julian, some part of him reaching out keenly for this time with Garak, no matter his anxieties. "No, I'm not doing anything. Please stay, Garak."

The Cardassian raised his eyebrows. "Stay, Doctor? But the replimat—"

Julian shook his head, looking away. "Unless it makes you uncomfortable..." he said, remembering too late that having conversation with Garak also meant eating lunch with Garak, and realising that he might trip over that very first hurdle. "I'm not, um— Food still isn't..."

He cringed at his own incoherence; he wasn't exactly making a convincing impression of a good lunch companion.

"I'm still adjusting to eating regular meals, and so the replicator here has been programmed to better accommodate my current needs."

And now he was sounding like a medical robot. Great job, Julian.

"I understand," said Garak. "Your recovery will be swift, I hope? But for now, there's little I would enjoy more than to accept your invitation. Where should I sit?"

"Oh, anywhere," replied Julian, gesturing at the sofas, grateful now for his unconscious burst of housekeeping. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked, just as much to put off answering Garak's first question as out of habitual politeness.

Garak replied that some rokassa juice would suit him well, thank you very much, and so Julian busied himself at the replicator, taking as much time as was believable over the task. He was rather out-of-practise at figuring out Elim Garak.

The trouble wasn't that Garak never meant what he said; most people didn't. But from most people, Julian would have assumed a question about his health was a simple pleasantry, and would have told them what they wanted to hear: yes, he was recovering well, and hoped to be totally back on his feet soon. With Garak, you had to listen out for what he didn't say, to know his meaning. 

Your recovery will be swift, I hope? It was barely even a question. And that meant Garak could be asking it simply because it was the normal thing to do (and maybe Julian really shouldn’t be obsessing so much over it). On the other hand, however, he could be showing great concern towards Julian, but because this was Garak, masking that he felt anything at all behind the banality. Or maybe he was even trying to indicate that he had just as little patience for sharing discussion without having lunch as he did for having lunch without any discussion, and he was only staying because he felt obliged to. Julian had noticed how Garak had said that there was “little” more he would enjoy, implying that there were other things he’d rather be doing...

Damn it all. Usually, Julian enjoyed running all the possibilities through his mind, relishing in the challenge of trying to give Garak the answer he wanted, but right now it already felt like there was too much in his brain, and Garak had barely even entered the room! Julian was certain that his mind had been quicker than this a month ago, that there hadn’t been this constant fog which he now had to wade through to get to the end of any thought, that his anxiety had been neither this loud, nor this overwhelming. 

The glass was in his hands, and he was handing it over to Garak; his feet had carried him back to the sofas without waiting for him to direct them. Julian sat down, mildly disturbed. The dissociation was nothing new, it had been following him since solitary – hence his earlier acceptance of the newly-clean room, rather than outright panic – but usually it had confined itself to times when he had been alone. He hoped this was just a blip, and not a development that was going to stay. 

“How have you been?” he asked. His fingers had started to tap against his leg, and he pulled his hands sharply together, clasping them tightly. Maybe he ought to have made himself a drink, too, just to give his hands something to hold.

“I am better, certainly, than the last time we talked,” Garak replied. “And you?”

Following Garak’s lead, Julian gave an equally non-committal reply. “I’ve been worse,” he shrugged.

“You’re still experiencing… difficulties, though?”

“Is it so obvious?” Julian chuckled, wincing and praying that it really was just the obvious that Garak had spotted.

“Well for one thing,” Garak started, “—and do forgive me for pointing this out, I feel a little rude… but I do not believe that this is Rokassa juice.”

“I—”

For a few seconds, Julian felt as though his brain had come to a complete halt. He sat there, staring at Garak stupidly, before leaning across the coffee table to reach out for Garak’s glass. Now he was thinking about it, he realised that Rokassa juice usually came in a mug.

And this, unmistakably, was tea. Tarkalean, not Cardassian.

“Heh, must have been on autopilot,” he said, trying to laugh it off. “I’m terribly sorry, Garak – let me get you another—”

“Allow me, my dear,” interrupted Garak, smoothly rising from the sofa and leaving Julian to wonder how on Earth he’d failed to notice the mix-up himself. He supposed that he really must be more behind on sleep than he’d thought.

The fact that Garak had seemed to return almost instantly added to that theory. Julian hadn’t even heard the beep of the replicator, and startled when Garak suddenly appeared by the sofas once more, mug in hand.

“Don’t worry, I’m just tired,” he said, in answer to Garak’s quizzical look. “I haven’t been sleeping much lately.”

He hadn’t meant for that to slip out, and hoped that his earlier supposition was true: that Garak was just being polite, and wasn’t really checking up on him. Julian didn’t need yet another friend inquiring about his nightmares.

He had no such luck, of course. Garak almost seemed to pounce on this opening.

“It is my understanding that humans recover best only when they are getting sufficient rest,” he said. “Indeed, I seem to remember several occasions upon which you, my dear, lamented your patients’ inability to follow the simple instruction of “Get some sleep”.”

Julian groaned, leaning back into the sofa, twisting the glass of rapidly-cooling tea in his hands. “It’s not that simple.”

“Do you expect it to be?”

The question brought Julian up short, grating in its sharp lack of sympathy.

“I—Not really, I suppose? Not after what we went through.”

The ‘we’ slipped out without thought, an unwitting lie despite its truth. But it was easier, somehow, to claim the shared ghastliness of the final few days. ‘I’ sounded dreadfully lonely.

An unfamiliar expression stole across Garak’s face, and Julian wished he could tell what the Cardassian was thinking. Whatever it was, it seemed that Garak had lost control of the conversation too, the both of them reaching out for something to say, and returning with nothing – nothing they could admit to, anyway.

“Did you read any books while I was away?” he asked, before he had to contend with any awkward silence.

“None that were worth discussing,” Garak replied dismissively, leaving Julian wracking his brains for what he’d recommended that was so objectionable – before the unpleasant realisation swept over him that anything Garak had read, he would have discussed with the changeling. His stomach curdled, and he took a quick mouthful of his tea to try and swallow down the bile rising in the back of his throat.

“Can I—Do you—?" He was just saying words now, hoping that he’d stumble upon a suitable question and coming up laughably blank.

His stomach came to the rescue, interrupting his stilted thoughts with a growl. A rather loud growl, in fact, which had him wondering if he’d actually eaten breakfast that morning.

“I should eat,” he said, standing up and trying for a smile. “Thank you, Garak – this has been… nice—”

A frown drifted across Garak's face. “Are you we not sharing lunch, Doctor?”, he asked, his eyes flicking to the clock. Julian followed his gaze, and was startled to realise less than ten minutes had passed since Garak had entered. Oh.

But eating was difficult enough without the shadow of the changeling’s lunches looming fresh in Julian’s mind.  “I can’t,” he replied. “I’m sorry, Garak, it’s just, I can’t—.” He broke off.

I can’t eat with you.

Why would Garak even want to stay for longer anyway? Surely he could see that there was no scintillating conversation to be found in these quarters today?

Unless Julian had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even realised what Garak had really come looking for.

“Garak…” he started hesitantly. “About Tain—”

“I’ll leave you to your lunch, Doctor,” Garak interrupted, speaking over Julian as though he hadn’t said a word. “I hope you have a pleasant meal.”

The Cardassian stood up, first putting his mug away in the replicator, and then crossing the room to the door. For once, Julian could see straight through him, the way that Garak was trying to disguise the fact that he was all but bolting from the room.

“At least I know I’m not okay!” he found himself shouting over the sound of the door’s opening swish.

Garak turned to look at him. “Is that a fact?” he asked – and then he was gone.

Julian sat down, aching in a way he could not name. His stomach hurt, and the quarters were not his, and he was once more alone.

[muffinsin]

Thank you so much for all these great posts. They've been really helping me while my dog is really sick.

I don't know if you've written something like this already, but maybe you could write one where the sisters fall in love with one of the maids from afar but they're afraid to talk to her because she might be scared of them?

Of course! I’m glad you’re enjoying them & I hope your dog will be better soon! :( (give us doggo updates?👀). I’ve mentioned them being worried in a couple of posts, though never fully elaborated I think

Let’s get into it! :)

Masterlists

Bela

She’s had her eye on you for a while already now

Never has she dared approach you

Much less talk to you!

Bela’s a nervous wreck when you do as much as look at her

Having discovered you originally after you cleaned her office, she immediately felt intrigued

Bela is, some might say, a difficult person

When maidens clean her room or office, it’s even more dangerous than with her sisters. This is her private area

And she has a very, very specific order and pattern of placing her things. Pencils must be right where she left them, papers even more so

Often the staff mistakes these things. Pencils she left out, shoes she left out, papers meant to be easily taken are moved back to the stash of papers on her desk

Has she hates it! She feels, she must reorganise her entire room after it’s been cleaned

You don’t make these mistakes, though

You clean, and only clean. You respect her enough to view what seems like clutter to others as precision

Pencils are right where they’re left. Clothing is re-folded, and put right where she left them

This is bound to catch her attention. You stand out

Yet, Bela starts to fall in love long after she’s made you her private maiden, the one appointed to only her and all her needs

For when you clean her bookshelf and put finished books- neatly piled so you won’t move those she wants untouched- back in the shelf. Perfectly organised, of course

It’s as if you understand her

And yet, she’s too scared to face you

Bela feels flustered when she once finds a note next to her pile of unfinished books

Recommendations…

She didn’t think any maid really took to reading. Even knew how to. And much less did she assume anybody would share her taste

But, upon following your recommendations, she finds they’re very good!

She leaves them out subtly, to show you she’s read through each and every one of them

To ask you, without having to face you, for more

And you keep making recommendations

Bela catches herself falling for you, and tests you

Sometimes she leaves slips of papers containing quotes

She falls back on her bed with a large grin when you pass her tests, writing the books they’re from, or promising you will read them

Your handwriting is neat too, she notices

Yet, Bela wonders and adores from afar

She watches you work, and eagerly takes in all you do. She gazes, stares maybe even, but never engages

What if you too, will see her as a monster?

Cassandra

Cassandra is intrigued by you the moment you’re sent to the castle for work

The blacksmith. You’re to make her weapons

She’s thrilled! She goes to visit you immediately, having a full list of what she’d like

But-

She’s almost shrieking at you when she comes inside and almost swarms face first into your muscular back

It’s rare she sees someone with muscles at the castle! Though she knows your work technically demand some

She’s by far more flustered than she’d like to admit, and when you begin turning around, she’s quick to swarm away, leaving only flies and the list falling to the floor

Behind a wall and out of sight, she face palms herself

So much for being menacing…

She admires as you work, even if she never allows you to see her

That’s right, the sadistic little middle child of Alcina Dimitrescu is smitten, laying on one of the wooden foundations of the wall, far above you as she watches you work the furnace

Large muscles glistening with sweat…

Cassandra basks in it all, and the warmth of the furnace

She watches wide eyed as you craft her a sickle and dagger, eyes wide when you add a little bit of something to it

No previous blacksmith has ever dared swat from her exact orders

But- it’s beautiful

A pattern at the grip, a beautiful one resembling her swarm

She nearly falls from her lounging position as she tries to get a closer look, and the thought of falling, halfway swarming and landing in your arms is enough to fluster her already

She scolds herself for being this way. Daniela would act like this, not her!

But, she just can’t help it around you. She feels by far too careless and by far sweeter than she is

Then, you start gifting her things

She finds random, little things of metal crafted to her- things she has not commissions

Things that make her stony heart melt

You craft her beautiful daggers with a gemstone as gold as her choker’s gemstone at the bottom

And, something particular that makes her breath hitch

A silver platter, with silver, bronze and copper hearts, beautifully crafted just for her

Not the cliché, sweet hearts. Realistic ones. With a dark metal serving as blood at the top

She swoons at the sight

And still, she can’t bring herself to talk to you for a second reason:

What if you’re scared of her?

While she feels like a flustered maiden merely watching you, this is a harsh contrast to her behaviour around everybody else

She knows her reputation

A monster

The sadistic one, it’s best to stay out of sight

The mistress of torture

She knows, these things are all right. And she’s proud of these titles, of the fear she strikes in all but her family

Yet, she can’t help but feel worried you also see her as such

What if the little gifts and addition you make her are nothing but a way, an attempt, to stay on her good side and alive?

What if you too are trying to save yourself from her clutches?

Daniela

Our sweet Daniela, delusional and naive, yet so fast to fall in love

Or what she calls love, at least

She’s been watching you, love evident in her eyes as she dreamily watches you from her window

You’re the gardener, watering the flowers she loves so much. Oh, she wishes she could go outside and pick some!

But the cold temperature suggests otherwise, and locks her inside the warmth of the castle

Oh, but she watches, head held up and resting against her palms, a dreamy expression on her face as she watches you tend to the plants and hedges growing in winter

White and purple flowers on the ground

You’re wrapped into many layers to keep warm, and she wishes she could merely copy you

Daniela watches every day, sighing dreamily and smiling lovingly as you tend to it all

Her cheeks warm when you look up, yet she knows she is too far up and in the distance for you to make her figure out at the window

What she doesn’t mind is, however, that you are very capable of seeing her when she does not glance at you from her room, high above the ground in the castle’s tower, but from the library

You feel the youngest Dimitrescu daughter stare at the back of your head when you work, and you can’t help but feel flustered

She’s very…adamant on watching you

She stares every day

Oh, and she admires every day

And sometimes, sweet Daniela gets so lost in her daydreams, she doesn’t even notice you look back at her and catch her staring

She blushes wild pink when she, one day, wakes up to flowers set outside her door

The white and light pink ones from the garden, with two purple ones in the bouquet!

She falls even more for you,

Each day she receives another flower, and each day she folds them into a beautiful flower crown

Daniela is sad when they die- she wishes she could just go outside

And her sadness is apparent when she plays with the dead flower petals between her petite hands, sitting once again at her seat at the window of the library

You understand the Lady’s sadness, and Daniela finds herself grinning again when instead of flowers, you bring her a slip of paper folded like a flower each day

You get her!

She yearns to feel your touch. A knight to her, the princess

Yet, she fears- what if she is not the princess, but the monster? And her knight?

What if you are not hers, but a knight sent to slay the beast that is her?

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Here have a thing I'm working on

------------------

"This is stupid."

Abigail was slowly being buried by groceries in the cart as Draxum shops. Her legs had, yet again, given out, and instead of just letting her have the dignity of sitting down somewhere until they woke back up, Draxum had picked her up simba-style, and plopped her in the cart as though she were a six-year-old.

It was humiliating.

But dang, was it fun.

------------------

The two rode through the grocery store, searching for any last-minute items they needed.

"Do you want any snacks?" Draxum asked as he strode along the chips and candy aisle.

"I thought you didn't approve of sugary fattening human confections," Abigail prompted.

"Nor do I appreciate these triangular artificially flavoured ground-corn abominations," he grunted, grabbing a bag or Doritos from the shelf and sneering at it. "But I am willing to put my pride aside and allow you to choose one of these items as a 'fun-time treat'."

Abigail laughed out loud when she heard him say it.

"Where did you hear that??"

"Michelangelo said that they were having a sleepover and you have been invited. He instructed me to help you find your 'fun-time treat'. His words, not mine. I don't even know what that entails."

Abigail rolled her eyes and looked along the shelves, trying to find something she'd enjoy. There was chocolate -- definitely not, her cat genes would cause her to puke and have a toxic reaction to it. Pass. She saw a bag of marshmallows. Hm, that looked interesting! She pointed.

"That, please."

"The whole bag?!" Draxum gawked. "That's enough to feed an army of mutants!"

"I can share it with the guys," she refuted. "Please??"

Draxum sighed and handed her the bag of sugary goodness.

"Fine. But don't come crying to me when -- Oof!"

The cart slammed into another grocery vehicle, the child in the trolley yelping softly as they collided, and the adult pushing it grunted in unison to the force.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Draxum warned angrily.

"My apologies," the other adult said, raising his head after checking on the contents of his cart. "I was preoccupied..."

Draxum and Abigail's mouths dropped softly as they saw the adult of the opposing cart. His long and wooly unkempt hair, bound and braided. His long robes in a traditional Japanese style. His bony hands and magenta skin, his orange and red eyes, his cloven hooves. It was Draxum.... Another Draxum? A different one. Abigail was used to seeing them, what with all her interdimensional interactions earlier that year. She just didn't expect to see one here --

"I was preoccupied with my son," he explained, snapping the two out of their stupor.

Abby looked into the cart in front of her and saw a cheery little turtle pop up, laughing and giggling. He had light green skin, tons of freckles spotting his cheeks and beak under enormous and wonder-filled eyes. There were birthmarks on his arms and legs that almost looked like hearts...

"Are you okay, Velli?" the alternate Draxum asked, leaning over the cart to inspect the child.

"I'm good!" he giggled, crawling over to look at Abby in her cart. "How 'bout you?"

"...Fine," she whispered, wondering what universe these guys came from.

"Oh, good!" 'Velli' cheered. "That was kinda fun! Do you wanna be friends --"

"I'm afraid we don't have the time, son," alt. Drax said, pulling his cart back and redirecting it to go around. "We have to get back home soon. Huginn and Muninn will be worried."

"Awwww, okay," he mewed sadly. But he quickly raced to the back of the cart and leaned out to wave goodbye. "Buh-bye, new friend!! See ya!"

Abigail and Draxum exchanged a glance between them before shrugging it off and continuing their shopping.

What a weird interaction... Maybe they'd see each other again some day!

[ivoryminitower]

Echoes of Home: 49 - Steve ("follow")

Echoes of Home: FFXIV AU OC – WoLs on Earth

I think I have a tell.  Maybe it's that my breathing changes, or my body shifts or something, but if Tsu'na wakes up before me she knows when I wake up.  Of course, I can be dead to the world when I'm asleep, so, even if I start out with an arm around her and my nose in her hair, I can wake up to find her not there.

But this time my arm was still around her and my nose was still in her hair when my eyes opened, and she said. "Good morning, Husband."

"Morning, my love."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Of course.  I was with you."

"Do you feel rested and energized?"

I smiled.  "Omelette?"

"Yes, please."

"Can't I just stay with you a little longer?"

"I am hungry.  Shall I eat your arm?"

I gave her a squeeze, removed my arm from within temptation range, dressed and lumbered toward the kitchen.  Tsu'na has a recipe for omelettes, but it's a fixed thing with no variety in ingredients.  So she likes it when I rummage in the kitchen and come up with something for her.

I found cheese in the fridge and canned mushrooms on the shelf, and sliced up some bacon to fry.  She came in and watched as I added the ingredients onto the egg mixture in the pan.  "How do you know what to add?"

"Whatever's here, whatever I fancy."

"And how do you know how long to cook it?"

"The way I learned it, you lift up the edges and let the liquid run out underneath, then fold it when there's no more liquid.  Then until it's a little brown."

"So you…guess."

"Kinda.  Matter of feel."

She glanced around the kitchen, then back at the pan.  "I suppose I should try."

"Sure.  You can do tomorrow.  Get the plates?"

We settled at the dining table.  "You know, this brings up something I meant to add to the list.  Recipe templates."

"What are recipe templates?"

I started talking about algebra.  I went on to Mad Libs.  I got around to materia melding.  I was about to bring up printf statements when she held up her hand and said, "You want to make recipes with holes in them to fill with things?"

"Exactly."

"Why did you not say, 'I want to make recipes with holes in them to fill with things'?"

"What would you have said?"

She sighed and looked down at her food.  "'What do you mean?'  But I might have needed less explanation."

"Noted."

"So now I will ask, why?"

I gestured at her plate.  "So we can make an omelette recipe that we can add whatever we want to.  Or a pizza recipe.  Or a pie recipe."

"Pizza…that flatbread thing you made for me at the Bismarck?"

I grinned. "Bus ride for lunch, my love."

"Will it be better than what you made?  I like the bus, but not for poor food."

"Well, maybe you should see if one of your adoring fans would bring you one."

She tilted her head.  "Are you jealous, Husband?"

"Of course!  I want fans too!"

"I did not ask for the ones I have."

"Yeah…Wonder if it was what I said to Sam.  Or the people at the diner."

"The Pit people are different from the diner people."

"Yeah, but small town.  Everyone knows everyone.  So everyone talks to everyone about everyone."

"Is it a conspiracy, like the Syndicate?  Do they have secret meetings to talk about us?"

"Heh.  We could follow them around for a day and find out."

We chuckled.  We ate.  We stopped eating.  We looked at each other.

"We could do that."

"We could totally do that."

"It might be interesting."

"It might be boring."

"It might be both."

"It might be really intrusive and an invasion of privacy."

She nodded thoughtfully, meeting my gaze.  "We are doing it, are we not?"

"We're totally doing it."

"I will start with May.  She still seems afraid of me.  Perhaps I can find out why.  She closes her store at 3:00 today."

"I don't know where Sam lives...I need that to see how he spends his days.  I should find that out tonight…tail him from the bar.  Can you cover for me at the diner if I cut out early?"

"Of course."

"Cool.  So…until then, I need to mow the lawn."

"I need to vacuum the library."

"And then we need to take a bus to lunch."

"Do not disappoint me with the pizza, Husband."

"Yes, my love."

[clone-anon]

Your writing is absolutely amazing!! It makes my heart melt! I stumbled on your blog while looking for GN/masc and/or platonic stuff and was absolutely thrilled!

If it's not too much trouble could I request a small platonic drabble with Rex, Cody, and the twins? Maybe like helping their transmasc little brother figure with their dysphoria? If not I completely get it ofc! Thank you so much for at least reading this! ^^

Hello! Thank you for your kind words! I hope it's okay for me to answer here instead of in an ask so I can have the prompt right in front of me.

This is my first time really writing for multiple clones at once (except for some minor cameos) in this capacity anyway. I hope I did an okay job.

You sat at the table with Echo and Fives, both trying to eat some breakfast while you tugged at your shirt. Rex and Cody both looked up from their meals. It hadn't gotten past them that you were seeming less comfortable in your own skin and they were smart enough to guess why. This was new territory for them, but they wanted to help someone they all considered a friend, and more recently, had come to see as a brother.

"You know, I, uh," Rex cleared his throat and looked at you, "Well I need to shave this down," he rubbed his hand over his head, "and I was going to help Cody with a trim too."

"I struggle to get the back just right," Cody added.

Rex took on a tone that made it clear he was wondering if his suggestion was even helpful. "Would you also be interested in a haircut?"

You smiled a little and nodded. A change might do you some good.

Fives decided to pipe up. "Echo and I have to pick up a few shirts later. You could come with us if you'd like."

"I'd like that," you replied quietly.

You all finished eating and you followed Rex and Cody. Rex made quick work of his own hair and Cody's cut was simple enough.

"Your turn," said Cody. "How do you want it cut? We can break out the scissors too if you want to keep part of it longer."

You didn't have to think very long. You knew what you wanted it to look like, but were afraid you'd mess it up yourself. Rex nodded as you described what you wanted. You and Cody watched as he went to work. You felt nervous at first, but the end result was everything you could have hoped for.

"What do you think," asked Rex.

"Looks great," said Cody.

Rex rolled his eyes. "Yes, thanks, but you weren't the person I was directing the question towards."

Cody just grinned while you replied with a huge smile. "It looks perfect."

You ran your hand over your head a few times, feeling the new length of hair and correlating it to the person you saw in the mirror. Your own reflection a little more in line with who you knew you were.

Echo and Fives showed up in the door way.

"Looks great," said Echo with a smile. "Ready to go?"

You nodded and thanked Rex and Cody before heading off.

The boys weren't ones for taking their time shopping. They knew what they wanted and bought it, but today was different because they wanted to give you a chance to figure out what worked for you. Fives pointed out some clothes that he liked and why he liked them. Echo held everything you and Fives gave him for you to try. Although there was no one else around, they stood in front of the dressing room while you were in there. When you came out to look in the mirror, they both stood behind you, shielding you during this new experience, like it was just the three of you.

They asked you questions about each article of clothing. What you liked, what you didn't, so they could help more effectively. Once you had some new clothes picked out, you headed past some soaps and deodorant. You looked at the items on the shelf but didn't say anything.

"Pick one," said Fives.

"Or pick many," countered Echo.

You picked up a few items, removing the caps and trying to figure out what scents felt like you. The boys waited and gave you space to think about it. You selected two.

On your way back you thanked them for their support on the outing.

"Any time," replied Fives.

"You might not be a clone," said Echo, "but you're still our brother."

[slywood]

The Shakes

It's early January of 2012. I wake to sunlight creeping through the side of the curtain. It must be around noon. My unpaid cable bill means my digital clock just blinks hyphens. I lean over to the counter to check the radio. It's a bit past 10. I have a few hours before deciding if I'll go to work today. I pull the blue comforter��one that isn't actually mine—over my head and plunge into darkness.

An eternity seems to pass. I toss the comforter aside and again lean over to the radio clock. Only two minutes have passed. Annoyed and surprised that I'm not still sleeping, I feel the hangover starting to hit hard. Then, the anxiety kicks in. I don't remember if I took my medicine.

I usually keep my necessary pills in my jeans' change pocket. That mini pocket is perfect since it keeps the pills secure, and whenever it's empty, I know I've taken them, even if I'm too drunk to remember. This time, I hadn't followed my routine. I woke up hungover yesterday and went straight to a New York Rangers playoff game with a friend. I hadn't planned on staying out all night and blacking out, but I did.

Work is now officially out of the question. I need to decide what to do next. I can't sit still, and I feel the monster inside me begging to be set free. I dart to my bookcase and pull out my medication bottle. I take half of my daily dose immediately. If I already took them, one more shouldn't hurt. If I didn't, at least I have half a dose in me. Then, I grab my generic Xanax bottle and pour out the remaining pill. It's empty. I must have already taken it, although I don't feel its effects. I climb back into bed.

My right arm jerks. The fear is starting to take over. My left hand seems steady. I feel control over my body slipping, my power over it tenuous at best. I don't trust sleep at the moment. I'm too scared to even try.

I need to keep busy. Alcohol is my insurance policy. The last three days, though, have taken a toll on my body. I don't remember getting home any of those nights. Now I feel the beast, and I fear it's entirely my fault. The withdrawal is terrifying.

Disregarding poor judgment, I open a Corona bottle and drink half of it. I pace around the kitchen, trying to gauge how I'm doing. Not much has changed. I need a shot. Weighing the options, I decide to stay in control the only way I know how. I take out a bottle of Jameson and pour a shot. I drink it, and the warmth envelops my body. I think this is going to help. I finish the rest of the Corona bottle in one gulp.

There's no immediate change. Pacing seems effective. I end up in my room, staring at the medication bottles. I wish I had some Xanax. I look around for the one I had in my pocket last night but suddenly find it on the cologne shelf. I swallow it immediately without a second thought. I instantly feel like I have the situation under control. I really needed that pill.

Both my hands are jerking now, although they’re easing up. The Beast is still in me, but I'm beginning to tame it. Both the alcohol & the drugs are slowing me down. I'm not afraid of sleep anymore. Maybe I'll just watch a movie though.

Fuck off, Beast. I win this round. You're no match for my alcoholism.

As I settle back under the comforter, I try not to think about the vicious cycle I've settled into. The hangovers, the blackouts, the anxiety attacks are all something I'm all too familiar with. This isn't normal, but I can control it. I'm in control, I think. Still, I can't help but wonder, what if I'm not?

These thoughts are quickly drowned out by the numbing effects of alcohol and Xanax. My eyes start to get heavy, and the allure of watching a comforting, familiar movie draws me in. Maybe it’s just another form of escapism, but for now, it’s the only thing that promises a brief respite from the chaos raging within my head.

I think about reaching over to grab the remote, but my hands are still shaking slightly. The jerks are fading but I need to stay awake for just a bit longer, just to be certain. I forget about my troubles & I just focus on the present. I cover my face with my brother's comforter and the darkness lets me focus completely on my body. I am in control. I feel a small sense of relief. I'm in control.

[matrixxsystem]

Terrapin Soup Part 4 (2/3)

"Mostly just cutting things up, cleaning things out, hanging things up to uh.. Well I don't think you'd like to hear all the messy parts, so I won't get into it. But that's where I work mostly when I have no active missions."

"Gotcha.. How long have you been.. Working down there?" 

Usagi thought for a moment, leaning back as he tried to remember when it started, "Hm.. Well, I was pretty young actually. I was orphaned as a baby, my parents were killed and I was left alone for a time before my teacher found me. He raised me to be unphased by these sort of things. I remember watching him work, talking to be about the process. And when I was tall enough to reach the table myself he let me assist him, I think I was maybe.. Seven? Seven years old when I was able to do it by myself. So.. It's been about nine years since then."

"Jeeze no wonder you're so calm about it- I've only been eating this stuff for about a year and I haven't made any of it myself.. I'm not afraid, I mean I don't want to kill anything but if I saw it I don't think I'd be too phased." "Oh- That reminds me." Usagi came around to Leos side gently grabbing his arm, Leo tensed up at first but relaxed when he wasn't moved yet, clearly he was waiting for him to collect his thoughts. "You told me about your arms before, may I?"  "I haven't uh- I mean I change the wraps when I'm alone but I've never showed anyone.." "You can say no. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I would like to put a liniment on the scars. Would that be okay?" Leo blushed a little, maybe it was because no one every really tried to take care of him in a way that didn't feel like he was being babied, or because he could finally say his boyfriend gave him first aid, or even just because it was one of the only times he could have no walls up and still feel seen and cared for.. God he was so gay... "I-I uh... Yeah, here. I'll take em off. Should I go sit somewhere o-or" "Right, this way then. All the oils are in another room." He moved his hand back, guiding Leo to a room further back, the floor was covered in a thin mat. It didn't feel quite like a sparing area, but it didn't have any furniture in it either.. Just some pillows for sitting on piled neatly in the corner, and a few shelfs, cabinets and drawers around the walls. There was something in the center of the room as well, that caved into the floor. Oh! Leo knew what this was, he'd seen it in movies! It was a fireplace, for making teas an stuff. How cool was that.. Usagi took two of the pillows from their stack and set them down, gesturing for Leo to take one as he went to the other side of the room and got what he needed. Leo sat down and slowly started taking off the bandages, he felt a bit odd without them on.. He'd been wearing them for years now, even to bed. And as the fabric hit the floor he felt an uneasy feeling seeing all the rough marks in his skin, some of them were raised up and sticking out. He wasn't sure why it was like that, and why others weren't.. What did that sort of thing even mean?

"..Leo?"

Leo perked up snapping out of his thoughts to see Usagi dangerously close to him. He tried to scoot back and fell, like an idiot, onto his shell. "Ah- You surprised me-" Usagi raised an eyebrow, holding back a laugh as he reached his hand out and pulled Leo back up into a siting position. "Sorry, you weren't answering." "No no it's fine- What were you saying?" Usagi put his hand out again waiting for Leo to place his arm there when he was ready. "Nothing important, this wont hurt so don't worry. And I'll rewrap it once it's dry. Though.. From what you told me I'm a bit surprised there's not more scarring. You heal very well." It was an odd compliment but he'd take it, "Oh, thanks? I don't know why they look so... Wonky" "You mean the keloids?" He asked as his ran a finger over one of the raised scars, it felt kind of weird, not bad or anything. But he still wasn't used to letting people see him as anything other then the face man, the best looking and flawless one. And those in his mind were many many flaws that he'd been trying to hide, but Usagi didn't even care.. He took a clean rag and the colored glass bottle with an unreadable label lightly soaking it as he held Leos arm in place with one hand while the one with the rag gently dabbed over the scars. 

"Is that what they're called?" "Mhmm, there's nothing wrong with them, it's caused by extra proteins in the skin when it's healing. Sometimes once bigger wounds heal they leave interesting shapes, I've always found anatomy interesting so I used to read about things like this a lot when I was younger." "Oh. Hm.." "I have a question for you now. If you don't mind." "What's up?" "Why do you cover these scars? They wouldn't be very noticeable from afar, and your adversaries might even find you more threatening with them showing." Leo shrugged a little, "It's mostly because of my brothers I guess, Raph is really over protective of me, even if I told him I got these in a fight he'd probably throw a fit! Or worse if I was honest and said I gave these to myself? He'd have me on lockdown!" He sighed softly, glancing the his arm as Usagi continued, "I don't think I could ever tell him that I was so hungry for something so terrible and was scared I'd hurt them so instead I hurt myself like this.. He'd somehow think it was all his fault and I don't think I could handle making him feel like that. None of them should feel that way.." Usagi nodded a little, pulling back to motion for Leo's other arm. "But they worry about you anyway? If they still worry, regardless of what you do, doesn't it seem better to not keep things from them? I've never had siblings so I don't have much insight.. But it's just a thought." Leo turned letting Usagi take his other arm into his hand, "I dunno.. You're probably right. It's just hard to be honest with them about this kinda stuff, you're the only person I've ever told, like, really really told." "I feel so honored." "..I can't tell if you're being sarcastic right now." "Me? Sarcastic? Never~" Leo rolled his eyes a little, looking back as Usagi spoke again. "But I wasn't, just then, so you know. Out of your extensive support system I do feel a certain.. Pride, in being the one you've chosen to confide in." Leo smiled a little, "Well you're my boyfriend now so get used to it haha-" "Speaking of.." "Speaking of?" Usagi let go of Leos arm, leaning in a bit closer till he could sense Leo tensing up a little, "You didn't give me a proper answer earlier, so I'll ask again. Won't you stay the night with me?" He tilted his head a little as we waiting for a respond, Leo unconsciously mimicking his movements. "O-Oh, right.. I uh. I..." He sighed a little, "I can't. Not tonight, we have a mission tomorrow and I shouldn't be late again.." Usagi sat there a moment longer, possibly debating weather he wanted to try to convince him to stay away but soon backed away, "Okay, another time then." "Yeah, sorry-" "Nope, you don't have to apologize. Missions are very important and I don't want to get in the way of that. Really I understand, we'll plan ahead next time." "Okay.. I still feel bad though, I like spending time with you" Usagi smiled a little as he put the liniment and rag away. "Well you're staying for dinner still right? So we have a fair amount of time left." "Oh right, I'd already forgotten about dinner. What were you thinking of making?" Usagi turned back to see Leo stand back up, he smiled more as he held his hand out for Leo, "Would you like to choose? I hadn't made up my mind yet, but maybe you can help narrow it down hm?" "..How would I do that?" "Well it's a surprise, but I think you'll understand what I mean when you see it." "..Oh. You mean in the basement." Part 4.3

Part 1

TS Master Post

[padfoot0216]

Part 1 of me single handedly trying to grow the Miracle Workers fandom because I love the show.

Segment 1: Out of context quotes (Season 1)

1. Eliza - “Theres no way we can answer all of those [prayers].

Craig - I generally try and shoot for three, four a day. Although, now that I’ve got you, a teammate, theres no telling what we can do. I’m thinking 5…6…maybe as many as 6!”

2. Eliza - “There’s got to be something we can do .

Craig - I mean you can press F7.

Eliza - Does that stop typhoons?

Craig - No but it turns the sound off.”

3. Craig - “And does the debris ever dance?

Person - What?

Craig - Say the debris had lost an object, and then that object were found for it, would the debris be like *insert Craig dancing slightly*”

4. God - “But if you fail…

Eliza - Earth explodes.

God - Yeah but also…you have to eat a worm. Alive. The whole thing. The head and the butt. In front of everyone.”

5. God - “So we could explode his heart, or his lungs, *under his breath* or his penis.

Sanjay - Explode his penis?

God - Woah now that’s an idea!”

6. Abe Lincoln - “Out of my way black cat I’m late for my fun play!”

7. Craig - “Oh, no. No. Im not scared.

Eliza - You’re not?

Craig - No. I’m a bold, intrepid man with a strong mind. I’m a risk taker. I’m a big, bad…boy?”

8. Man 1 - “Oh shit my melon.

Man 2 - There goes our fruit salad.”

9. Craig - “If the world explodes then you will go down as history’s greatest murderer. Nobody wants that.”

10. Person - “This isn’t the department of anuses. We have integrity.”

11. Craig - “Thank you, and this pizza gentleman is gonna live, right?

Eliza- We are back on track.”

12. Eliza - “That necklace…why? I mean who wears bones to a massacre. I mean ugh I thought I was so hip.”

13. Sanjay - “We just watched you eat mud out of a bog.

Craig - Yeah that was clean mud.”

14. Person - “Why is the tornado staying in one place! This is impossible!”

15. [God scatting]

16. Craig - “It would make me really sad if God couldn’t read.”

17. Eliza - “Did he just turn that guy into a jellybean?!”

18. Eliza - “I am objectively bad at my job. I have accidentally killed a ton of people and I’m the leader of this group.

Sanjay - It’s true.

Craig - She leads us.”

19. Craig - “Yes! She saved us! Nooo, I have it away! He knows.”

20. Sanjay - “Okay, okay, new pitch. Uh, how about a romantic carriage ride?

Craig - Nope. Sam’s afraid of horses. Doesn’t like their eyes.

Sanjay - All right, then, uh, what about an eyeless horse? We get some crows, right?

Craig - Wait, where are you getting crows from?

Sanjay - It’s Earth. Anywhere. We get them to swoop down and peck the eyes out of the horse.

Craig - No, crows only peck out of dead things, though. So unless you’re going to get a dead horse-

Sanjay - Then I’ll get a dead horse!”

21. Eliza - “You’d go for it, right?

Craig - Well, no, not necessarily. Not if I was unsure about how she felt about me, or was scared to death if losing her as a friend, and also pretty frightened of her in general.

Eliza - What?

Craig - What?”

22. God’s Brother - “Explain cows.

God - I don’t want to do this anymore.

God’s Brother - Tell mom and dad what a cow is.

God - It’s like a big dog you can drink from.”

23. Gods Brother - “Tell then about giraffes. What’s a giraffe.

God - Tall dog with a leg for a neck.”

24. Craig - “(singing) Mr. Mop and Mrs. Bucket you live on a shelf. One is wet and one is dry and you are both my friends.”

25. Eliza - “(to Craig) Listen I’m sorry we put you in the cabinet.”

26. Person - “I’ll be honest, I’m always high, you know?”

27. Eliza - “Craig! Craig! Are you okay? Craig?

Craig - Bzzzzzzzzzz.

Eliza - *gasp*

Craig - Just kidding.”

28. Sanjay - “(pointing to a word that is clearly mammoths) We do it right here in the department of love.

God - Oh. Makes sense. Okay.

God - There sure is a lot of mammoth stuff in here.”

[leeicedtea]

the beginning of a story i started to write

second chances.

I stole jellybeans from the grocery store when I was seven and I got away with it. My mom used to take me to the grocery store with her, as moms tend to do, and I’d stroll by the candy aisle like a shark surveying his prey. Or hers. Sharks can be female. Why do I assume sharks are male? Would you rather get attacked by a male shark or female shark? It doesn’t matter, but I think it would matter to some people. I wonder if there’s a way to find out who those people are. I wonder if there’s a correlation between people who care what gender shark attacks them and people who like to use the term “nonconsensual sex” instead of just calling it rape. OKCupid does data analytics about correlation between things like that, maybe they have some data on it. 

Anyways, I don’t care what gender the shark is, I just hope it has small teeth when it attacks me and I hope I’m strong enough to tell people about it after it happens.  So, my mom was getting coffee beans from the coffee dispenser and I was surveying the candy. I did this several times for the next few grocery store trips. Every time I went, I would play with the candy bags. I’d take them off the shelf, stack them up, then put them back carefully before I left. I made sure to do this where the cameras could see me, and in plain view of the store clerks. I always made sure to do this in plain view, to prove I had nothing to hide. Then, after several weeks of doing this at the candy aisle, I made my move. As my mom went to ground her coffee, I popped around the corner to the candy aisle. I took the candy off the shelf again, like I always did. I made sure to stack them on top of each other, just like I always did. Then, I started to put the candy back in their place. Only this time, when I went to put the jellybeans back, I let it fall off the shelf and into my jacket pocket.  I put the other candy bars back on the shelf.

My mom popped her head around the aisle and called my name. I walked slowly over to her and waited for her as she paid for her groceries. Then, we walked outside and I helped her load the groceries into the car. We drove away. On the car ride home, I reached into my pocket and touched the bag of jellybeans.  When I got home, I threw the bag of jellybeans in the box where I kept my stuffed animals without opening them. Eventually, I gave them as a gift to my friend Allison on her birthday, because she was having a pool party and I didn’t think the gift I got her was good enough, so I threw the jellybeans in there as well. I never even ate one.

Am I a bad person? I wish someone would just tell me. Whenever you ask your friends, they assure you that you are not. I think this is because everyone is a bad person, and secretly they are afraid to judge you for fear of you judging them. Your friends want to forgive you because they hope you will forgive them too. The jellybean incident was my litmus test for the world.  I wanted to see if justice existed, how it would manifest. I wanted to understand that doing something wrong meant facing consequences. Unfortunately, the world failed me. There were no consequences, and that’s when I realized that I could get away with so many things, and there would never be any consequences. I didn’t want that kind of power. So I decided I wouldn’t accept that reality. I wanted to live in a world with consequences. So I didn’t steal again after that. Even though nothing bad happened when I did.

I don’t know why I told you that story. I’m supposed to be doing my laundry right now, but it’s such a nice day and laundry feels like a waste of the outdoors. It’s one of those days where you step outside and you can just feel the birthdays and anniversaries and happy moments happening around you. You think about your friends and all the people you want to sit by a pool with, and you think about calling some of them up to see if they want to get together. Maybe you’ll finally watch that movie you’ve been saying you want to see. Or maybe you can catch up on a classic movie you haven’t seen yet. Or The Wire. You still haven’t seen The Wire and everyone says it’s good.

Anyways, I’m supposed to be doing my laundry, but instead I’m at this taco stand. I decided I wanted to eat tacos instead of cooking, even though I just did groceries. So here I am. I feel kind of fat, even though I’m really skinny. I’m only 115 pounds but I am almost 5’8”. I wouldn’t say I have a thigh gap, but I’ve never had my thighs get chafed in the summer, so I probably do have a thigh gap. I’m not really sure. But I don’t really work out anymore, and my stomach isn’t as flat as it used to be. [not really 115 pounds, I don’t know why I lied]  I ordered two chicken tacos, even though I really wanted beef. But I’m allergic to beef. But it’s not deadly, I just get canker sores when I eat it.

The guy selling me the tacos is a little older than 40. He doesn’t look like anyone I know. Sometimes I think about that, you know? Whether we are drawn to a certain type of face in our friends. Most of my exes have similar faces. And a lot of my friends do their makeup the same way. I don’t mean their race or ethnicity. I have Mexican friends too. But none of them looked like this guy selling me tacos. He had pock marks on his face and greasy eyebrows. The grease was probably from working in the truck all day though. Who knows, maybe he cleans up nice. I bet he has a family and I bet most people he knows see him when he’s all cleaned up and not working in a truck. Isn’t that strange? If you work in a job like that, more people in the world know you as the person who sells tacos than as who you really are.

“Can you tell me if you’ve ever seen this guy?” I asked him. I pulled out my phone and opened up a picture to show him. 

The guy stares at my phone, then looks back at me. “Yeah, I think so.”

“When?”

Pock mark face looks at me and thinks. “Tuesday.”

“What did he order?”

Pock mark face shakes his head. “I don’t remember.”

“I think he’s trying to kill me.”

I don’t really think that. But I just wanted to see what the taco guy would say. He doesn’t really flinch. He just shrugs and wiggles his mustache.

“I don’t know.”

I thank him and I leave. I stare down at my phone. The photo is a picture of a handsome man wearing a blue flannel shirt. He’s holding a beer in one hand and he has his other arm around a pretty girl in an angel costume. He has a handsome face with a small beard. His eyes are piercing blue and his hair is messy, like Indiana Jones. At least I assume Indiana Jones would have messy hair. Rugged, I guess, is the word I’m looking for. A little bit of a rescuer, without the dirty fingernails.

See, the thing is, this guy isn’t real.  I mean, he is real because he exists. This photo exists. But I made him up. I made up this person. His name is Jason Zasich and he is 28 years old. I’ve been making people up since I was in the 2nd grade, but really ever since I was born if you want to get technical. But the first time I started writing them down was in the 2nd grade. I’ve come to the conclusion that they have to be written down in order for them to exist, but anything is possible at the point so I’m not ruling any possibilities out.

Most of the time, when you write down a made up person, they stay made up. They don’t spring into existence in the middle of an elevator on your way up to the 26th floor of a fancy building downtown. But there was no mistaking what I saw. She was tall, abnormally tall for a woman of her age. Not that height discriminated in age, but you so rarely see a tall woman over 40 with that much grace nowadays. She had a green and pink floral dress on with large toucans on the sides. In her hands she clutched a single cupcake in a box with the words “for Rebecca” written on top. She was about to tell the woman she loved how she felt, and with every floor the elevator went up, her heart seemed to beat faster and faster.

Yes, I saw her, exactly as I had written. She stepped into the elevator a few Saturdays ago, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was Eleanor Voorflap, all 5’11” of her. At least I was pretty certain her name was Eleanor Voorflap, because everything else about her fit perfectly with my description of her.

It happened several more times throughout the week that I came across a character I had written. Some were from years ago, there was no rhyme or reason to it that I could gather. I was appalled. At first, I left them alone. I didn’t want to do anything. What could I do? What could I say? “Excuse me, but I made you up”?

[witchbydavidcain]

Witch by David Cain Prologue part three

   What you will see, if you watch carefully, is a person who perpetually enjoys an inner peace, a connectedness, a serenity that controls and dampens the world rushing in chaos around her. The energies she commands glides her though life, like a melody, like a summer breeze, like a rainbow on the wing. She may whisper and mumble, she may wave her hands and unfocus her eyes while you are talking to her, but she’ll know exactly what you mean and precisely what is really going on. Witch life is a style, a power, a universe unto itself.

   On those wings, we keep soaring higher.

   After Annette opened my eyes, I started binging movies, shows, videos, stuff like that, to learn everything I could about witches.  They have an interesting culture.

   There are objects usually associated with historical witches. My wife owns a wide assortment of things that any witch might have; there is no disputing that. But other women I have known have had the same kind of witchy things in their homes and I don’t think they were witches at all. Crystals and Celtic designs and Tarot cards and spirit bowls and incense and candles. What woman doesn’t have candles? I don’t think we can conclude anything from owning witch type objects. It’s just more evidence, piling on.

   She has most of those witch type things on a shelf. I call it her witch shelf. She never responds when I say things like that, like it isn’t worth responding to. Of course, I don’t know if it’s not worth responding to because it’s true or because it’s ridiculous, I’ll probably never know. I’ve tried to talk to her about being a witch but she either walks away, changes the subject or makes a joke out of it. I don’t know what that means but I am convinced that she will not talk about it.

   There are other things she has on her witch shelf that are less generic, like the witch books. They aren’t very good reads, lots of circles and affirmations and goddess talk that goes round and round in, well, circles. She said they are research but I don’t know what she’s doing research for. Having them on the shelf is not conclusive that she is a witch but it is evidence. Church ladies don’t have witch stuff on display.

   Lots of popular culture shows witches hanging out in groups, stirring cauldrons and dancing in the moonlight. I don’t think my wife goes in for that kind of witchery. I mean, I don’t think she really spends any time hanging out with other witches.

   Not that I’m aware of, anyway. I suppose she might be turning into a rabbit and hopping off for a coven meeting after I go to sleep. They say witches sometimes transform into animals so that they can play tricks on us mere mortals, without the limitations of human form. Or they fly on brooms. Lots of witch stuff is supposed to happen at night. I wouldn’t think I would miss her leaving the house after bed but I do sleep pretty soundly. And she may be casting sleep spells on me. Time reversal spells. Who knows?

   But, seriously, she doesn’t have any witchy friends like that, wearing witchy symbols or talking witch talk. I think she’s more of a loner. I’m pretty sure they have loner witches. That’s probably a thing.

   So it’s not the company she keeps that makes me think she is a witch. It’s the way she behaves, some of the weird stuff I’ve witnessed and our continuing successes that make me believe in her witchness. I guess I don’t really have any proof. Maybe she isn’t a witch. But it sure seems like she is.

   Of course, its not all about the good stuff that has happened since we got together. There have been times when it frightens me. I don’t mean that she has caused me fear but thinking about her being a witch has scared me. I don’t know. I suppose she scares me. In a good way.

   She’s always been pleasant to me but I’ve been careful to stay on her good side. It’s important to me, in fact, because, if I’m being honest, I’ve always been a bit afraid of her. I sort of did that instinctively, from the beginning. I knew from the very start that I did not want her mad at me. It wasn’t anything she said or did. There wasn’t any violence in her behavior or even in her language. She was always kind of sweet when I was around anyway. But I glimpsed her power, I guess. I felt the force of her psychic energy. I could feel the cold push of her intense will. After an hour, I’d seen enough to keep me subdued and obedient. I fear her lovingly.

   But I’ve also done business with her, watched her deal with people who did not please her. She can be very forceful when she needs to get her way and some people are foolish enough to stand in her way.

   She doesn’t show any anger but I believe are two patterns I can discern, when she has been crossed. First I suspect that she somehow causes them pain in ways that never quite come back on her. People who have crossed her often experience the worst luck in the wake of their encounter. They trip, fall down stairs, get hit by falling objects, go blind, stuff like that.

   Then I suspect that she foretells a terrible future for them. And it happens. I’m not kidding. People are ruined, broken, disgraced, ostracized. They get sick and die. I mean, I don’t know if she cast a spell and made them die but she did predict their demise. She tells me when deals are going to fall apart, when companies are going to collapse, when partnerships are doomed and she’s always right. It’s spooky. And scary.

   Actually, to be safe, I long ago adopted the attitude that she’s always right. It seems like the best approach to life with a witch. Do what I’m told and enjoy the benefits. And it’s worked, so I’m sticking with it. I’m doing too well to jeopardize this gravy train of happiness. Besides, she is always right.    I haven’t mentioned writing this book to her. I hope she doesn’t mind.

[carolinemillerbooks]

New Post has been published on Books by Caroline Miller

New Post has been published on https://www.booksbycarolinemiller.com/musings/a-case-for-frozen-blue-berries/

A Case For Frozen Blue Berries

I shared a person’s comment on Facebook the other day that called for the end of perks to members of Congress until they started legislating. Many on my thread favored the idea.  No one opposed it. The citizenry, it appeared, was united in its impatience with its leaders. Unfortunately, the politics that divide elected officials stem from old divisions in the country. Since the Civil War, the government has limped into the future like a horse yoked to a mule. The horse valued freedom.  The mule wanted freedom, too, but not for everyone. The difference in values seems to have grown deeper of late, leaving the rule of law as the sole means of uniting the nation.        Laws are the outcroppings of reasonable minds, and there’s little of that in evidence these days. The Chair of the Democratic Party recently declared that members of his conference who opposed Joe Biden’s Presidential run were certifiably crazy.  I agree, but to be fair, certifiably crazy extends beyond democrats.     House Republicans hold a slim majority in that body. Even so, without cause, they dared to impeach  Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. Heady with their narrow victory, they plan to impeach Joe Biden, also without cause. Arbitrary and capricious decision-making is akin to the logic judges apply in beauty contests. No wonder the Supreme Court is tossing out appeal after appeal as if sorting through a tub of rotten fish. Common sense would have settled many of these cases if common sense were in fashion. That it has lost favor explains how    Donald Trump’s acolytes can applaud his 2024 Presidential bid despite his 91 felony counts. Compare their values to those applied to Richard Nixon in the 1970s when Republicans and Democrats agreed on the difference between right and wrong. Today, when insanity passes for normalcy, it’s not only troubling but painful to watch. Members of the Republican Congressional delegation behave like contortionists. Twisting and squirming, they struggle to justify the madness though not in service to their country but to their careers.      Had their defense of Trump been genuine, their delusion would be worthy of pity, the way we might react to see a man on his hands and knees barking like a dog.  But as the conduct is nefarious, their affliction exposes the degree of decay in our body politic and leaves one to wonder how long democracy can survive.  To answer the question, I will tell a story. While grocery shopping one day, I stopped at the frozen food section looking for a package of blueberries.  The shelf was too high for me to reach, so I turned to a red-bearded young man a few paces to my left.  He was perusing food entrees at the time, suggesting that he lived alone.  His personal story was of no interest to me, however, What drew me to him like a bee to pollen was his height. “Excuse me,” I said sidling next to him. “Could you reach a packet of blueberries for me?  My arms are too short.”  Offering no objection, the young man followed me to the fruit section of the freezer and sifted through the packets on the top shelf with his large hand.  Seconds later, he delivered the bad news.  “Just blackberries, I’m afraid.”  “Oh no,” I cried like an addict in need of a fix.  “And I’ve none at home.” Unable to hide my disappointment, I thanked the young man for his trouble and headed my cart in the direction of the bread counter.  Maybe I could find a blueberry muffin? A short time later, a hand touched my shoulder. “I did a little reconnoitering,” said the young man with the beard as I looked up. ”These blueberries were at the back, lying on their side. I thought you might like to have them.”     He shrugged as he tossed the fruit into my basket and started to walk away, but not before I told him he’d earned a gold star for his effort. A silly remark, worthy of kindergarten, I was surprised to see a smile part his lips. For a moment, we shared a recollection, one that reminded me that I was old and he was so young! Watching him walk away, I doubted I’d ever see him again. No matter. To the universe, I sent a wish on his behalf.  “Please, let this young man find a loving companion.”   Encounters of this kind are common every day in grocery stores. And that’s my point.  Strangers are often being kind to strangers.  The young man who’d done a little reconnoitering on my behalf was one of them.  He’d gone a step further than expected. My disappointment was trivial, yet it had moved him. Compassion is the jewel in the crown of human emotion.  Alexi Navalny who died for his countrymen had it. His wife, Yulia Navalnaya seems equally prepared to make the same sacrifice. When I think of this couple, I am reminded of a line from Casablanca. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world…” they’d found each other, loved, and clung to each other for as long as Vladamir Putin would allow. I’m not sure why some who suffer grow kinder while others turn cruel. We humans know so little about ourselves. Scientists, for example, have discovered an obelisk in the human body. They don’t know why it exists, but they do know it contains information our cells can read. What is its message, I wonder? Can the obelisk explain differences in human character? We must wait for science to solve the puzzle…today, tomorrow, or a thousand years hence. In the meantime, if free will exists, each day we make choices about how to live…in the grocery store, within the family, at work, or on the battlefield. Life’s challenges may cause some to lose their senses.  If we value ours, we will oppose them.    Still, I prefer to see the world as overflowing with red-beared young […]

[swagmother]

Ok ANOTHER multi movie review post, these ones are pretty recent watches, spoilers ahead for uhhhh :

Beau is Afraid: this one was a super great time, feels like it drags a little towards the woods/play part of the film but otherwise loved every second of this. It was sad, anxiety inducing, disturbing but also extremely funny near constantly. I’d say the highlights for me are the entire first 30-40 minutes, and the sex scene towards the end was spectacular. I loved hereditary, thought midsomar was just ok, but if beau is any indication for future ari aster movies, i am excited!!! Would love to watch this again …. One day

Terrifier 2: I had been meaning to watch this one for a while, I thought hallows Eve was forgettable, Terrifier was ok with the gore being pretty cool, and I had heard good things about the sequel. Particularly “someone threw up at the theater” which you don’t hear much these days!! So it was quite unfortunate when I happened to have taken a gram of mushrooms and was outvoted by others when it came to picking the movie but I didn’t want to miss out so…. It was pretty alright? It’s hard to give a 100% accurate assessment because of my state at the time, but this was definitely a step up from the initial Terrifier, and certainly contained the absolute worst and disgusting scenes I have ever watched in my life! I genuinely thought I may maybe possibly throw up or remove myself from the room if it continued, but anyway, I liked what they did with this movie. It was at times quite funny, had a tendency to drag intermittently, very very difficult to watch sometimes but mostly the scalping scene in particular, cool gore effects! I look forward to Terrifier 3 and I would never recommend this movie to anyone

Incantation: ok this one I actually didn’t watch in it’s entirety so take this with a grain of salt as opposed to all my other thoughts which you should take with 500 pounds of salt. Incantation is just an alright movie. I thought they did some pretty cool 4th wall breaking twisty wisties, but unfortunately I am not a fan of found footage horror where some ghost lady is just standing in some corner facing away from the camera and then it’s like AHHHH I’M LUNGING AT YOU EXTREMELY FAST AND LOUDLY AND I LOOK REALLY UGLY if you do like things like that then you’re gonna have a blast….. god speed

Days of Heaven: this one has been on my list for a while ever since I had seen some screen caps from the film which looked absolutely gorgeous. I don’t have too much to say about the movie but I did like it quite a bit. It’s impossible not to be enchanted by the plethora of breathtaking landscape shots taken during golden hour and dusk, I really enjoyed the latter half of the movie and the occasional narration by a 1916 child with a Chicago accent which sounds funny …. But she has many interesting things to say and ways of framing events granted uhhh murder and romance and stuff occurring! Anyway , I think if you like beautiful looking movies, you should watch this…

Eraserhead: eraserhead is about a super charismatic guy with cool hair and many prized possessions on his shelf/dresser who goes to his epic girlfriends parents house to discover they have been blessed with a beautiful baby boy. Cool hair guy loves and cares for this child so much that he has a really long nightmare and then wakes up and becomes the movie title. If you have never seen eraserhead I feel obligated to tell you that most of what I just wrote was a lie, Eraserhead was an ok movie, sometimes I thought there were some very cool things going on, other times I was extremely bored! I plan to watch more David Lunch movies, and I hope to like them more than eraserhead

Spiderman across the spiderverse: sorry to any dorks who may care, but this is not epic masterpiece…. It was pretty great though! I actually have a lot of thoughts about this, many you may have heard already so I’m gonna try and keep this as brief as possible for me. Super super amazing animation, some of the best I’ve ever seen, some very very very minuscule moments where the animation looked REALLY bad though lmao but I guess it could be subjective. Audio mixing was kinda eh, it was funny but not as much as the first. I really liked the spot, disappointing he wasn’t as present in the latter half, and his sudden pivot from basically comic relief to very very serious villain was eh, despite the self aware “villain of the week” jokes. The main conflict with Miguel felt a little forced imo, I do not buy that out of the thousands and thousands of spiderpeople present, that all of them would willingly follow Miguel on this and not at least HALF would immediately jump to Miles side, like that’s genuinely boggling to me! Also, the whole cast of spider people in first movie literally ACKNOWLEDGE Mile’s grief for his uncle and are like “for me it was my uncle ben” etc, so wtf are they now like “uhhh don’t remember that you actually haven’t experienced your important person dying moment!” I have more thoughts on it but i don’t wanna ramble too long, I’ll just say I kinda feel like that whole conflict is a mess that very quickly seems very silly if you think about it for more than 5 seconds. I wish we got some more uhhh Hobbie and he wasn’t so passive with the Miguel conflict…. I liked the twist of sorts at the end andddd that was a lot of criticism but I really liked it, would recommend, and would love to watch it again soon which I can’t say the same about many other movies I watch!

Thus ends movie review…. Next one will only be movies from the 60s-90s……….. yay!!!!!!

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

251 of 2023

What is your favourite dinosaur?

I don’t care about dinosaurs.

Would you rather live with wolves or tigers?

I think tigers, I prefer cats.

Have you ever forgotten what a certain kind of pain felt like?

I wish. Some things are impossible to forget.

Do you prefer water from the tap or bottled water?

I prefer no water, thanks.

Do you actually use any of the shampoo hotels provide?

No, but I take the bottles with me.

What do you remember the most about your childhood?

Playing outside with friends.

Do you feel as if someone has robbed something from you?

Yeah, my innocence. I was a teenager then.

Have you ever stared at the sky and wondered if it was all worth it?

No, I have better things to do. Wait, maybe it happened once or twice.

Would you rather have a pet dinosaur or have mythical creatures be real?

Can I just keep my cats instead?

What age did you get your first hair cut?

Who remembers that?

Do you have a favourite toy from childhood still?

No, I don’t.

What are your thoughts on the end of the world?

I don’t give a fuck, there were way too many “ends of the world” already, even during my lifetime.

Which sports do you enjoy watching?

Basketball, if ever.

Would you ever have a breed of dog that is considered aggressive?

I’m not much of a dog person in general.

Have you ever made bread?

Yeah. Turned out pretty good.

Would your childhood self be disappointed?

No, he would be proud.

Do you think in the future you’ll have done yourself proud?

The future is now.

Did you read The Great Gatsby before seeing the movie?

No, and I haven’t seen the movie either.

What do you feel about movies made from books?

I don’t care about movies.

Has anything ever fallen asleep on you?

Yeah, my older cat.

Do you have to use the bathroom?

Not right now.

Is the above question too invasive?

Nope, but any sexual question would be.

What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you?

Last time I had one I was uncoscious, and they were saving my life. So I’m rather grateful for it.

Do you have a tumblr?

Where else am I typing now?

Would you rather have an open book shelf or one with doors?

Open because I want to see all the titles.

Do you need a large or small place to live comfortably?

I’d prefer big space and lots of natural light. Big kitchen, definitely.

Would you ever consider moving to another country?

I’ve been living in another country already.

Have you ever dropped everything and reevaluated?

Kind of, but it depends on what you mean by this.

Do you play minecraft? if so, feelings about servers?

No, I don’t play Minecraft.

Do you long for easier times?

Sometimes. When life was more carefree.

Do you believe that life gets easier or we just get stronger?

We get stronger. Not all of us, though.

Does it weird you out to think that humans are just more advanced animals?

No, because it’s true. Not more advanced, though. We just can speak languages, but we’re in no way smarter than other animals.

Do you ever wonder why religion came about?

I guess the aliens invaded Earth and showed people miracles, and people started worshipping them. Might be wrong, though. It’s just my theory.

Would you ever consider shaving your head?

I had my head shaved for surgery and nobody asked my opinion about it. Consciously, I wouldn’t. I like having hair.

Would you rather belong to a cult or a religion you feel is wrong?

No.

Have you ever considered murder?

LMAO what a question lol.

Kill a man or a woman?

Kill no one.

Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible?

Everything is possible these days.

Are you afraid of any animals? Reason?

Snakes, I don’t trust them.

Someone knocks on your door three times right now, do you answer?

We have a doorbell for a reason.

Do you read creepypastas?

I do, just for fun. I like such things.

Can you sleep afterwards?

Why wouldn’t I?