#was going thru my old online friend only facebook i used to have

[fearofalling]

similarities between my childhood bedroom age 14 and my current apartment bedroom age 26

[survey--s]

550.

What is in the back seat of your car right now? Just the hammock that’s on there for the dogs.

What was the last thing you threw up? Probably just water. It was when I had that awful bug back in February and was basically in bed for three days. It was horrendous and I felt so unwell.

Menthol or regular cigarettes? Neither.

What is your favorite episode of Friends? The One Where Ross Got High.

Does anyone have any blackmail on you? Nah, I don’t think so, my life really isn’t that interesting lol.

If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be? Nah, I’m good.

Have you been to a strip club? No.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My toenails are painted pink.

Are you wearing socks right now? No, it’s really warm and humid still.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Iced Coffee.

What are you wearing right now? A black sleeveless jumpsuit.

Last food you ate? Chicken Ramen.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? No.

When is the last time you ran? Yeah, I don’t run lol.

What’s the last sporting event you watched? I have no idea, probably football.

Last person’s house you were in? Aside from my own, Sarah and Ella’s.

Last movie you saw? Alice in Wonderland - the original Disney cartoon version.

Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? Susie - we’re planning on going out for breakfast tomorrow and we’re just organising the timings.

Ever go to camp? Yeah, day camp as a kid - I absolutely hated it.

Were you an honor roll student in school? We don’t have those here.

Do you like sushi? It’s okay but it’s not something I’d go out of my way to choose.

Do you have a tan? Yeah, from working outdoors in the heatwave for three weeks.

How old do you want to be when you have kids? I don’t want children.

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? Sure, all the time in restaurants etc.

What is your age? 34.

Are you someone’s best friend? Personally I find it really strange when adults have best friends.

What are your siblings’ middle names? I don’t have any siblings.

Where is your dad right now? I assume he’s at home - probably eating or showering after his daily run.

What was the last thing you said? “I won’t be out all day”.

What color is your watch? I don’t own a watch.

What do you think of when you think of Australia? My family.

Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Yes.

Favorite gemstone? Rubies, emeralds, amethysts, sapphires.

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? It depends on how long the lines are and how much parking there is.

Do you have a roommate? I live with my husband, two cats and a dog.

Do you have any bad habits? Yeah, drinking too much caffeine, spending too much time online and being addicted to my phone/the internet in general.

What is your favorite number? Thirteen.

Do you know anyone named Lori? Nope. That’s not really a very common name over here.

What color is your mom’s hair? Grey nowadays, but it was brown.

Do you have a dog? Yeah, a beagle. He’s upstairs snoring his head off after an 8-mile hike yesterday.

What happened to you in 1993? I turned five and started school.

Does your first memory involve your dad? It does, actually.

Do you remember singing any songs as kids? All the time. I used to put on plays and concerts for my parents ALL the time hah.

When was the last time you went swimming? Last summer at the beach.

Has your luggage ever gotten lost? Yeah, twice. Once it was only delayed by a few hours and I got it the same day, just later on, and the second time it arrived maybe 3-4 days later. 

Biggest annoyance in your life right this minute? The humidity is really annoying.

Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar? Nope.

Do you like watching a bonfire? I love bonfires.

Are you allergic to anything? Nickel and aspirin.

What is one thing you miss about your past? Not having to worry about bills or money or responsibilities.

Do you ever get flu shots? No.

Favorite shoes that you wear all the time? I practically live in Skechers for work as they’re so comfortable.

What is one thing you’ve learned about life recently? People are generally pretty decent, all things considered.

Are you jealous of anyone? Not really.

Is anyone jealous of you? A lot of people have said they’re jealous of what I do for a living. They probably wouldn’t feel like that if they joined me on a day where it was howling wind and pissing it down with rain lol.

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

notoriously yours | jay park

✰ summary: jay park is a rich kid. it’s safe to say he has everything every broke college student on his campus could dream of and more. but the one thing he doesn’t have, which money definitely can’t buy, is a girlfriend. and his friends won’t see of it. literally.

so what happens when his friends bet him to date someone for more than three months? what happens when jay decides that fake-dating someone would be easier than actual dating (because god forbid Jay–the campus’ notoriously known fuckboy–decides to commit to something once in his life)?

and what happens when that someone is you, his childhood best friend he hasn’t spoken to in years..who has absolutely no interest in being in his life anymore?

✰ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. members of enha]

✰ genre: fluff, comedy, angst | fakedating!au, college!au, childhoodbestfriends!au, (kinda) e2l!au

✰ warnings: cursing, nothing suggestive but jay's a fuckboy so slightly suggestive themes, mentions of parental neglect/leaving, it's hella long (and i thought my last fic was long)

✰ wc: 14.7k (how did i get it this long oh lord)

✰ author's note: picture creds go to original owners/editors! peep that edit of jay that lowkey inspired this entire fic 👀also this took me so, so long bc i lost motivation half way thru and bc college is a thing,,,so i honestly don't know how to feel abt it so pls bare with me :')))) ALSO the dividers are weird bc idk how to add more than 10 pics for the dividers so pls excuse those ٩(× ×)۶i hope u guys enjoy!! <333

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Jay Park is a rich kid.

Jay Park has enough to buy every textbook he needs for his courses without having to look up the free versions online. Jay Park has enough to bribe his professors to let him pass every class with a perfect 4.0 GPA (but because the boy has morals, he doesn't). Jay Park has enough to afford a car to drive to his furthest class from his dorm building instead of walk or bike like every other college student, meaning he also has enough to afford a parking spot on campus (those things aren't cheap!).

Jay Park walks around your school's campus like he owns the place (and considering the amount of money his family has donated to the school, he practically does), looking like he just walked out of your local coffee shop's newest fashion magazine. His blonde hair is never seen untouched, his attire usually consisting of an undoubtedly high-end all-black fit, accessorized with multiple earrings and rings that probably cost more than all the overpriced textbooks you had to rent out this semester. It's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park.

Bottom line is, Jay Park has everything.

Well, his friends beg to differ.

In their eyes, Jay Park has everything but a simple factor in the equation of love (or whatever love is to the minds of a couple of 19 year olds): commitment.

So yes, it's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park. Because everyone knows he's the campus' rich fuckboy. (What's a college fanfic campus without one anyways?)

Jay doesn't go unreminded of this by his friends, to the boy's annoyance.

Jay is aware of this on a Sunday afternoon, in his dorm building's first floor lounge, where he and his said friends are having a study session.

They're doing anything but studying.

In fact, no one has any books out or anything. Not a single laptop in site.

"You don't think it's the slightly bit concerning?" Jake's words are muffled as he continues munching on the fried chicken that he spent majority of this study session debating if he should have it delivered through UberEats or not.

"I really don't, no," Jay shrugs as he continues mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. They're having the same argument conversation that they've revisited multiple times over the course of their friendship, one that Jay has been lectured on too many times for his own good. He thinks his friends could become his new parents if they really tried.

"Look at it this way, okay. You're about to graduate college in a couple of years, into the big world. Like the actual, adult world. And that means you'll have to settle down. Which you can't do when you. have. no. commitment!" Jake punctuates each word with a single clap of his hands, desperate to get his point across.

Jay simply rolls his eyes. He looks over to Sunghoon, who's minding his own business, not bothered by the same topic he's heard over and over again. His eyes tell Jay you're on your own, in response to his blonde-haired friend's look of despair.

Jay thinks that maybe he should get new friends. Yes, that's the only solution here.

"My love life," Jay reaches across the table for a drumstick from the greasy tub seated in Jake's lap until Jake swats his hand away, "is none of your business. Also, ouch."

"Uh, it kinda is. Because of you and your reputation around campus, it kinda affects us, your best friends. How do you think we look, hanging out with the guy who's known to ghost every girl in existence after one night with them? No offense to you," Jake deadpans to him. Jay mentally reconsiders the term best friends.

Tough love. Jay tells himself it's tough love.

"Yes, because every girl totally hates Jake Sim, the teacher assistant of a physics class who volunteers at the pet shelter every Sunday and brings their pet golden retriever to campus every two weeks," Jay rolls his eyes at his Australian friend.

Jake sighs. "Okay, then I'm coming from a place of worry for you."

Jay groans. "Again, none of your business!" This doesn't stop Jake. He comes from good intentions, really, but Jay wants nothing more than to stuff the kid's mouth with some of that chicken to shut him up.

"What are you gonna do if one day you meet someone you like, genuinely like, and you screw yourself over because you've never been in an actual relationship before? A real, committed one. Like one that lasts at least three months."

"You don't think I can last three months in a relationship?" Jay questions the boy currently taunting him.

"Honestly? No. What's the longest relationship you've been in?" Jake cocks an eyebrow at his friend across from him.

One month and two weeks. But Jay's smart enough to not say that out loud.

"I can so last over three months," Jay mutters more to himself than Jake.

Jake laughs at that, pausing to take another bite of the drumstick in his hand. "Jay, I am willing to actually bet you. Bet that you wouldn't be able to." He leans back on the couch, the ball now in Jay's court.

Jay freezes, looking up from his phone, narrowing his eyes at Jake.

"Forget it, Jake. He's not gonna agree even if you offered him money," Sunghoon finally perches from beside him. Well he's not wrong. It's not like Jay is exactly in need of more money, per say.

"What kind of bet are we talking here?"

Sunghoon's right. Jay doesn't need the money, but he does hate being wrong. Even if it's over something as stupid as this matter.

Caught off guard by the blonde's answer, Jake blinks blankly at him and takes a second to think.

"Hmm..what about...what about if you can date someone for at least three months, and I mean an actual, committed relationship, then I'll do all of your physics homework next semester."

Jay's eyes sparkle at that. If there's anything he despises more than commitment, it's physics.

"And if I win, you have to buy all of my textbooks," Jake sits back from the edge of his seat with a smirk lying on his face.

Jay pauses to think about it. I mean, what does he have to lose? A couple hundred dollars over college textbooks? No. Because he just simply won't lose.

And maybe he'll learn what it'll be like to actually be in a committed relationship for once. Maybe he'll finally learn what it's like to actually devote yourself to someone, open up to them. He shivers at the thought. Never mind. He'll warm up to it. Baby steps.

Nonetheless, what could go wrong? Even if he does lose, at least his money would be going somewhere productive––towards his friend's education. Jay was probably gonna use that money on something useless like a blanket that resembles a tortilla (a burrito blanket, he calls it)––something he doesn't necessarily need, but must have, he would argue.

"Fine. Whatever, okay. Deal," he grabs Jake's extended hand in front of him and shakes on it.

Jake's impressively smiling at the boy as Sunghoon lets out a sigh, in disbelief with the two guys he calls his best friends.

Jay concludes that this will be easier than his Introduction to Photography 101 course he took his freshman year. How hard is it to find someone to date the Jay Park? Surely, everyone will be lining up once Jay switches his FaceBook relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single".

Turns out, it's not as easy as his class where all Jay had to do was take pictures of a pretty sunset, slap a VSCO filter on, and call it a day.

He comes to this realization on a Wednesday evening, as he's seated at one of the many study tables lined in the middle of the campus' library, staring down at his phone's dry iMessage app, with his laptop and blank sheets of scratch paper scrambled across the entire table, as an attempt to look half as studious as the other students studying in the facility.

Turns out, being known as the campus' fuckboy who ghosts every girl on campus isn't a good thing when it comes to wanting to find a real relationship.

He comes to this realization after failing to receive a single text back to the many ones he sent out throughout the first half of his day. The ghoster gets ghosted. Oh how the turn tables.

Jay groans dramatically as he tosses his phone on the hard surface of the table, earning himself a harsh shush from the librarian filing books in the aisle beside him.

He sheepishly smiles back as an apology, directing his attention back to his open laptop screen, where his untouched calculus homework stares back at him––his mind preoccupied with the looming threat of Jake's bet. Not that it was threatening in any way, per say, but Jay just hates losing. And from the looks of things, it's safe to say that Jay won't be celebrating any victories anytime soon.

Jay thinks he should just change his identity and just transfer to some boarding school in Switzerland. Yes, that's a much better solution than admitting defeat to Jake.

Jay sighs as he lies his head on the table, figuring he might as well just write the check for Jake's textbooks now. He wonders how he got here in the first place. Not how he got into the bet, and definitely not how he's sitting in the middle of the library, having yet to start his calculus homework due at 11:59PM tonight (he should really start that).

But no, he wonders how he gained the reputation as the campus' playboy. To be fair, his friends (mainly Jake), are constantly reminding him of his notorious habits. But how did they come a habit in the first place?

The idea of being in a relationship is nice, sure, but the commitment that comes with it? The idea of being dependent on someone? It's scary, vulnerable, and one that Jay can't picture for himself.

Maybe some people just aren't meant to be paired. Maybe some people, like Jay, like being independent and are meant to stay that way.

But Jay also likes affection. He likes the fleeting, warm feeling he gets every time he finds himself under someone's sheets. He likes the short-lived comfort he receives from someone else's touch, even though he knows it's going to cease to exist the second he steps out of those bedroom's doors. He just likes affection, simple as that.

That and he's a 19 year old teenage boy with needs, what did you expect?

And so what if he likes the idea of affection minus commitment? Is that so bad? Apparently it is, to people like his friends and the entirety of his school's campus, at least.

At this rate, he might as well pay someone to date him.

Wait. Jay lifts his head off the table's surface in realization.

He might as well pay someone to date him.

There's no harm in that, is there?

He wouldn't have to endure through an endless amount of dates to find someone he clicks with, then continue going on dates with said clicked person, all while trying to develop an actual, serious relationship.

He'll win the bet, get his physics homework done for an entire semester, and some lucky girl out there will be making profit for the small price of hanging out with Jay Park for three months.

And lucky for him, Jay knows the perfect candidate for this scheme.

Simple as that.

Just as long as said perfect candidate says yes.

And as long as Jake and Sunghoon don't find out. Or else Jay might really have to move to Switzerland after all.

You love your friends, you do.

Hana and Heeseung have been there for you when others haven't––they were by your side when you knew no one entering high school, and they were still by your side when you were all graduating said high school. Needless to say, you're eternally grateful for friends like them.

But right now, in this moment––with you seated in the middle of the campus' library, trying to write your essay, as your two friends blabber on and on about the most recent gossip across from you––your two friends could be your villain origin story.

But again, you love your friends, you do. So you don't have the heart to tell them to leave. You've managed to naturally tune out most of the conversation, anyways, for this––your friends coming to hang out while you're trying to study––is no rare occurrence by any means.

"Oh yeah, Jay Park texted me last night."

You hate how your brain's filter suddenly turns off at Hana's words.

You hate how your ears catch the sudden mention of Jay Park's name.

You hate how the thought of Jay Park gets to even occupy a single brain cell of yours.

You hate how you even know who Jay Park is. Well, knew.

Past tense. Because up until eighth grade––when Jay decided to just suddenly pretend you didn't exist––he was attached to you like a koala to a eucalyptus tree.

And if you had asked past Y/N, ideally, Jay would've never left your side. Ideally, he would've never left you to fend for yourself when entering high school. Ideally, he would've stayed your best friend through out all four years of high school and ideally, you would've eventually told him how you really felt about him after growing up with him all your life. And maybe it would've lead to a completely different story. But for the sake of this fic, we don't live in an ideal world.

So yes, if it wasn't for his attendance at the very same university as you, you would've forgotten about the boy who brought you the painful memories of your childhood.

And since the universe clearly doesn't work in your favor, avoiding Jay Park's existence like he's the plague would have to suffice. And it works.

For the most part.

Until some people, bring him up uninvited into your conversation. Like now, for example.

"When was the last time you guys talked anyways?" Heeseung mindlessly asks as he reaches across the table to grab one of the many snacks you usually bring to your study sessions.

"Uh..like a few weeks ago. Give or take. Whenever you threw your house party. Can't say there was much talking involved however," she teasingly says with a giggle and wiggle of her brows.

Heeseung's rolling his eyes as you scoff and chuck a nearby crumpled piece of paper that was once one of your many essay drafts at her.

She bats it away right as it's about to hit her face as she laughs. "Doesn't matter anyways. He ghosted me the next morning, as he does with everyone else. Telling you this now," she extends a finger right at you, "stay away from Jay Park. That kid's just bad news."

You nod in response, mentally telling her she has nothing to worry about.

Been there, done that.

College. Ah yes, the very concept of spending four years of your life imprisoned on a campus where you'll be tearing your hair out from stress and spending all your life's savings just for a laminated sheet of paper with a golden stamp at the end of it all. We live in a society.

Because of said college, and all the weight that comes along with it, you had adapted a strict daily schedule in order to not completely lose your mind. It's a simple schedule really, one of a typical college student who's just trying to get by everyday with as little mental breakdowns as possible.

Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to the library to do your homework, walk all the way across campus to get back to your dorm, shower, then sleep. Oh and eat, of course. And maybe if time permits, be an actual social being and socialize.

It's gotten you this far into the college life without dropping out so, you conclude, you must be doing something right.

Sometimes, if you're feeling nice to yourself, you'll tweak the schedule a bit to fit in some exceptions. Maybe squeeze in a little trip to the bubble tea shop that's on the other side of campus, or maybe get dinner at that one dining hall that you don't usually go to because of the unncessarily long lines (but because they serve ice cream, you go anyways). It doesn't matter what the exception is, you still plan it out to fit into your schedule somehow. Everything is planned out.

Sometimes, however, the universe disagrees with your schedule, to your demise. Such as today, for example.

Because what you didn't expect for today was for a particular blonde-haired boy who you haven't spoken to in almost six years (but who's counting?) to approach your table in the library––a table you were sure no one could find you at, as it was quietly tucked away in the back corner, right next to the Astrophysics shelves. Because who browses the Astrophysics aisle for fun? Actually, maybe Jake Sim would. Anyways.

You definitely didn't anticipate a visit from the boy you've been actively avoiding, so you definitely didn't expect the first words coming out of his mouth when he sees you for the first time in six years to be:

"Fake date me."

You blink up at him.

Yeah, definitely not expected.

But you only let it phase you for a split second, until you feel a slight annoyance beginning to bubble up deep inside of you.

"Wow, hello to you too Jay! It's been what––half a decade? Yeah I've been pretty good, thanks for asking!" The sarcasm is practically dripping off your tongue.

You don't know what runs through Jay's mind, but apparently it isn't common sense––or the ability to read the room. Because next thing you know, he's sliding the chair across from you out from underneath the table and making himself at home.

And he's smiling right at you.

Curse him and his smile.

But no, you're not giving into it.

Not yet, at least.

"What do you want?" You deadpan at him when he makes no sign of making the next move.

"A girlfriend," he deadpans right back at you, as if he was casually telling you what he wanted for dinner. As if you two were close-knit friends that could approach one another without any proper greeting. As if you two had kept your friendship all these years. As if you two even had a role in each other's lives.

"Can't help you there," you scoff, deciding to not even question his lack of manners on top of his uninvited presence.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"Well gee, seeing that the first few words you decided to say to my face for the first time in forever were a demand, a demand to date you no less, then....no," your monotone voice says as you keep your eyes focused on your laptop screen, not daring to look at the boy across from you.

In the Introduction to Sociology course you took your freshmen year, you had learned of one important term: interactional vandalism. Textbook definition being: "ignoring signals of disinterest in a conversation, leading it to an offense."

Your definition being: "are you oblivious or just plan dumb, read the room!"

This was interactional vandalism, alright. Whether Jay's truly oblivious or just trying to annoy you until your head explodes (it's really the former, but you're convinced it's the latter), he takes your signals of disinterest and tosses it right out of his head to continue the conversation.

"I'm stuck in this stupid bet with Jake--do you remember him? He bet me that I couldn't date someone for more than three months and I figured having someone fake date me would be easier than actually dating someone, right? That's where you come into the equation," he proposes as he leans back in his chair, as if he had just finished a sales pitch to a prospective customer looking to buy a car.

You couldn't believe this. You're 98% sure this has got to be a prank. You're mentally preparing for a camera crew to jump out from in-between the library's aisles any moment now and scream into your ears that you've just been punk'd!

The remaining 2% of you, however, wouldn't put it past the two boys to get themselves in such a situation. The last memory you had of Jay and his friends were pretty much their childish selves back in middle school. And by looking at the current scene unfolding in front of you...it's needless to say they haven't changed much.

"Again, can't help you there. Ask one of the many girlfriends I thought you had." Ouch.

"But Y/N, you've known me all your life--"

"Up until you dropped me a few years ago but sure, let's call it that."

"--and convincing other people is gonna make me look--"

"--desperate? Yeah."

"C'mon, Y/N. What do you have to lose anyways?"

"Uh..my dignity? Pride? Self-respect? Sorry Jay, not happening," you turn your attention back to your unwritten essay in front of you, mentally checking out of this conversation. This would be a good time for that camera crew to jump out now.

"Look, no one else is gonna do it, Y/N." Jay has always been stubborn, you suppose. But so are you.

"Yeah, because you've managed to push every being of the opposite gender away from you. You gave yourself this reputation in the first place," you give it to him straight. It's not like you had a relationship with him to uphold anyways––Jay himself broke that friendship years ago.

Jay hates that you're right.

You're always right. He remembers how he used to always go to you for advice and clarity on the world's biggest problems. Granted, the world's biggest problems to him at the time equated to what he should dress up as for the fifth grade Halloween party, but still. A tough decision, for the mind of a ten-year-old.

You abruptly stop typing and begin putting your laptop and textbooks away as you huff in frustration. There's no point in trying to get your work done now. The longer you stay arguing with Jay, the bigger your headache gets. The longer he continues to occupy any part of your brain, the bigger your headache gets.

Getting up from your seat, packed and ready to slam your head into your pillow, you turn to the blonde one last time.

"Look Jay. We went on our separate ways years ago. If you weren't so notoriously known around campus and my friends would stop talking about you, I would've long forgotten you. I'm sorry you're in this situation, really. If I were you, I'd just tell Jake I can't do it. Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. Just don't get some innocent girl involved in whatever stunt of yours this is."

Jay stares at you, mouth agape, as you find your way out of the library and through the main doors. By the time he comes back to his senses, he realizes how he looks plain stupid––standing in the middle of the library, the look on his face screaming befuddlement, to say the least. Jay quickly makes his way out of the building, in hopes of convincing you one last time.

Jay catches sight of your figure already half-way down the walkway that connects the library to the main quad of your school's campus. Geez, you walk fast.

Not fast enough to outrun Jay's legs, however. If Jay running after you through the middle of campus in order to convince you to fake date him doesn't show how desperate he is to win this bet, I don't know what will.

"Wait, Y/N!"

You groan to yourself before turning to face the boy who can't seem to take a hint and leave you alone. You stare at his out-of-breath state as he heaves up and down from the slight jog he had to endure to get to where you are. If you're humored by him chasing after you, you do a good job of hiding it.

He meets your unimpressed state before stating his final proposition: "I'll pay you. Five hundred dollars."

You nearly stop breathing.

Now this catches your attention––after all, you're but a broke college student who's just trying to survive. And preferably not by feeding yourself instant ramen cups every night.

And so, naturally, you begin rethinking about the opportunity presented in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the boy as you weigh your options.

The first problem being, it's Jay Park––the bane of your very existence. You spent the last few years of your life pretending he didn't exist...for good reason. Not only did he do you dirty when you were merely a couple of 13-year-olds, but you just didn't want to be involved with someone like him. Someone known for his nature, someone who left your own current best friend ghosted. And not that Hana herself would care, for she has called herself the "female Jay Park", but you're sure this would be breaking some rule in the girl code handbook. Plus, if you agree to this, you'd be betraying 13-year-old Y/N, the one who decided to never speak to nor think of Jay Park again––which by now you've failed, but you get the gist.

Second problem being, three months is a long time. Three months is practically the rest of this semester, and did you really want to spend the rest of the semester tied down to the label of being Jay Park's girlfriend? There would have to be some negative connotations that came along with that title, right? No offense to Jay, but being his first girlfriend since, what, high school could make you come off as..naive, for lack of a better term. As if the only person you could settle for was Jay Park. As if you barely had any standards for yourself. Again, no offense to Jay.

Needless to say, if your school's debate club had to argue on why you shouldn't be doing this, you're sure the negating side could win with these two reasons alone.

But before you're rejecting the boy currently standing in front of you one last time, you find yourself mentally listing rebuttals.

First of all, you'd be getting paid. And again, you're merely but a college student living the stereotypical broke college student life––burdened by the costs of tuition, textbooks, and midnight McDonalds runs for when you're out of aforementioned instant ramen cups. Five hundred dollars could provide you with more than enough chicken McNuggets to last you the semester, and maybe some more to treat yourself to an online shopping spree.

Second of all, it's not like you were going to do anything better with your next three months anyways. It's safe to say you were too busy being a diligent student to actually look for anyone to date, per say. And if anything, having a fake boyfriend might actually be helpful in your case. Your mom would be off your ass about how you're still single, for one. And two, your friends (though it's really just Heeseung) would stop trying to hook you up on blind dates with guys that you would choose Jay Park over any day (and that really says something).

Third of all, it's Jay Park. As much as you despise the kid, you still know him. He's not a complete stranger to you, no matter how much you try to deny it. It could be worse, it could be a complete rando asking you to date him. At least you two have some sort of history, which would take care of the typical small talk and getting to know each other bit of this equation. And truth be told, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't a tad bit satisfied by the fact that Jay chose you, of all people, to pull off this stunt with him. You don't know if it's the nostalgia of your childhood memories rushing back to you, but it reminds you of the endless schemes you two used to plan behind your parents' backs all the time. Granted, your childhood schemes––such as the both of you faking sickness so you could skip school together––don't even fall close to being in a fake relationship with one another, but still. It's the thought that counts.

All of those reasons plus, Jay isn't the worst to look at. He may have a spoiled reputation, but at least he has his looks going for him, you'll give him that (you're still secretly wondering when and how did he get his glow up, but don't tell him that).

And so by the guidelines of a college student's logic that states the pros outweigh the cons, you come to the overarching conclusion that maybe, this won't be so awful after all.

"Five hundred?" You ask, just for clarification. Jay's immediately nodding at your words. You continue to ponder on your thoughts as he stares at you hopefully.

The silent atmosphere of your campus heightens the tension so much, you swear you're in one of those overdramatic pausing scenes that occur too many times in k-dramas.

You sigh, then nod.

"Okay," you're internally praying that you won't regret this decision. "I'm in."

The next time you see Jay is at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building that's home to your awfully long Capitalism in the Western World class.

You're going down the steps of the building, mentally deciding where and what you're going to treat yourself to for lunch––as the three hour lecture you had just attended drained all the life and energy out of you––when you hear the slight call of your name.

Turning to the source, you're met with a waving Jay, leaning against the passenger's side of his car, parked in front of the lecture hall building you were currently leaving.

Great.

You walk over to where he's casually waiting––he's unaware of all the stares he's attracted from fellow students leaving the same lecture as you. Can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition pull up in front of your Friday afternoon lecture. It's not everyday you see Jay Park waiting for anyone outside of his said sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition.

"Hi," you simply let out as you plant yourself in front of him, not sure whether or not to question him why are you here? Surely, he wasn't waiting for you?

"Hi," he smiles down at you. There's a beat of silence. "I was waiting for you."

Bingo.

"Oh. What are you, my chauffeur?" You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Maybe. I am your boyfriend, after all," he says into the air, loud and clear, as if he wanted people to hear. Well that is the point, you suppose.

But still, all you want to do is smack the smirk right off his face.

Before you have time to put your next question into words, he answers it for you.

"I'm taking you out for lunch," he declares as if you have nothing else planned for the day. Well, to be fair, you didn't have anything else planned for the day. Except for your usual library run. But you figure the library could wait.

"Oh, like on a date?" You raise your eyebrows teasingly at him as you get into the car, Jay holding the door wide open for you. "Is Jay Park treating me to lunch as a date?"

Jay fights the scowl (or is that a smile?) growing on his face as he bends down to meet your eye level from inside the car. "Don't flatter yourself, princess. We've got fake lives to live."

"Call me princess one more time and you won't have a real life to live," you flash him a sarcastic smile and slam the door in his face.

Jay meets his own shocked reflection on the passenger's side window.

Cute.

"When you said you were taking me out to lunch, I expected like...I don't know...the diner on campus. Not whatever this is," you mutter to Jay as the two of you are brought to your table by a waitress at an upscale sushi restaurant, one that is undoubtedly out of your usual budget, but for sure an upgrade from your dining hall's pizza you were planning to have. You should've figured as much, the drive here was a little more than out of the way from campus, and who are you kidding, it's Jay Park you're eating with.

You stare down at your current outfit, which consisted of a hoodie you've owned since your junior year of high school and leggings that you threw on without second thought this morning––because you didn't exactly wake up and decide I'm going to go to a fancy sushi bar for lunch today!

"Why are we here anyways?" You ask him when you're both settled in your seats and the waitress walks away after listing the chef's specials for the day.

"Oh, they have killer dragon rolls here, you have to try it," Jay tells you nonchalantly as his eyes rake the menu in front of him, blocking your view of him.

How dense can one be? Your hand snatches his menu as you stare into his unamused eyes.

"No, Jay. I mean, why are we here? It's not like anyone's around to see us put on a show anyways."

"Oh. I figured," Jay's quick to grab the menu back from out of your hands as he continues, "that we should sit down and establish how exactly we're going to deliver this performance. After all, you're stuck with me for the next three months."

Again, smacking the smirk currently resting on his face would satisfy you beyond relief. Just once.

"If I drop out halfway through, do I still get $250?" You tease, leaning back.

"Ha ha. Funny. No," he narrows his eyes at you from across the table. "It's all or nothing."

You dramatically huff to make a show just for his annoyance.

"Worth a try. But sure, let's solidify this. What's the game plan?" You sit up in your seat, leaning over the table as if the two of you were hosting a secret meeting.

"It's simple really," Jay mirrors your actions, face leaning in close to where yours is hovering over the table. "Just pretend to be deeply in love with me for three months, and try not to actually be charmed by my cunning looks."

If someone gave you five dollars for every time you've already rolled your eyes at him today, you wouldn't even need to be in this deal for the five hundred dollars.

"Wow, smooth. Can I just remind you you're the one paying a girl to be in a fake relationship with you because you're just not competent enough to find an actual girlfriend?" You lean back, arms crossing over your figure.

Jay, unfazed, laughs, tongue briefly hitting the inside of his cheek. "Touché."

Your eyes go back to the menu in front of you as a silence falls over the table. Because you're not a loaded trust fund baby who comes to fancy five-star sushi restaurants for lunch on a daily, you don't recognize half of the entree names on the menu. You spot the dragon roll Jay suggested, but seeing that a basic California roll is less expensive, your natural broke-college-student-instincts figure the California roll shall do.

"Okay, in all seriousness," Jay begins as he puts his menu down. "It's simple really. We'll just go on weekly dates and post cute pictures of each other once in a while and a little after three months, I'll just say it didn't work out. I'll give you the five hundo and boom, we move on with our lives."

It's clear Jay's put some thought into this. Safe to say he's put more effort planning this out than the amount of work he's been putting into his classes. Someone's got their priorities straight.

You're impressed to say the least––you figured Jay would just be the kind to go with the flow and wait for the situation to unfold on its own and maybe blow up into flames. But seeing as he was just as serious about winning this bet as you were with making five hundred dollars, your doubts about this entire situation were slowly withering away.

Don't get it wrong, though, you still despise him. To an extent, at least.

"And don't worry about the dates. I'll pay on your behalf, as the loving, doting boyfriend I am," Jay finishes with a wide, cheesy smile you can't help but return a growing smile back at.

"Well then, as the loving, doting girlfriend I am, I shall gift you coffee, breakfast, all that fun couple stuff, whenever you please. Or maybe unannounced, if I'm feeling nice," you figure you should pitch in as much if he's paying for all your dates. And deep down, you find the idea kinda cute. But don't tell anyone that.

"Wow, look at us. We should become Dispatch's couple of the year already!" Jay exclaims, earning himself a small giggle from you, which pleases him to say the least. He thinks that maybe when this is all over, he'll hopefully make a good friend (well, for the second time) out of it.

And you're thinking that maybe the next three months won't be as bad as you initially had thought.

As the two of you delve deep into a debate about who would be the better significant other to each other, the waitress comes over to take your orders.

And because you're laughing and Jay's brightly smiling at you from across the table, you order the dragon roll.

The second time Jay takes you out––this time he gives you a heads up to get ready––it's at a, once again, high-class steakhouse.

The third time, you insist on the on-campus diner that's popular amongst the student population. Partially because you feel bad for the amount of money he's spent on you (even though he couldn't care less), but mostly because if you have to put on another fancy dress to just eat an overpriced meal that doesn't even fully satisfy your hunger, you might lose your mind.

And by this third time, Jake is aware of this newly blossomed relationship.

"Three dates! I didn't know you had it in you, going on three dates with the same girl!" Jake excitedly exclaims as he jumps into the empty spot on Jay's dorm bed and shoves his phone's screen into Jay's face.

The smaller screen displays Jay's most recent Instagram post: an image of you sitting behind your too-small-to-be-this-expensive-steak and smiling right into Jay's camera––a memory that brings a smile to his face:

~ ~ ~

"C'mon! We said Instagram posts would be a part of the deal! How else can we convince people we're dating?" A pout rests on Jay's face as he stares at you from across the table in the middle of the extravagantly decorated restaurant he picked out for your second date. You remember your eyes bulging out of their own sockets when you saw the "$$$$$" rating Yelp gave the place when you searched it up earlier.

"Okay, okay! One picture," you give in, already slightly annoyed that you were here instead of the comfort of your own bed, where you could be rewatching your favorite Netflix show for the third time. But because you made a deal and because you're desperate for money, you had to follow through––so here you were.

You flash an unconvincing smile to Jay's camera, which doesn't satisfy him, to say the least. "At least pretend you're somewhat enjoying this date," he frowns at you.

You sigh, until a thought crosses your mind and a smile grows on your face. "Only if you get me boba afterwards."

He narrows his eyes at you, but then meets your smile. "Sure, whatever you want. But only because I've been craving some mango milk tea lately."

"You're a fruit milk tea kind of guy? Sorry, but I might have to fake break-up with you," you tease as you take a sip of your overpriced drink to go with your overpriced meal.

Jay scoffs, feigning hurt by placing his hand over his heart. "Ouch. But before you break up with me, let me get this Instagram post in."

"Wow. Your priorities are so straight," you roll your eyes at him, eliciting a cheeky smile from him as he watches you through his held up phone screen.

"3,2,1."

"Hey, I wasn't ready! That was like mid-laugh!" You reach over the table to grab the phone, but not quick enough for him to put his phone back into his pants' pocket.

"Nope, nuh uh," he laughs as you quickly sit back down into your seat, not wanting to cause a scene in an establishment as proper as this one.

"It's fine. It's a good picture, you look cute," he casually lets out, unaware of the blush rising to the surface of your cheeks, thanks to the fact that you were suddenly interested in playing with the left-over food on your plate.

"Jay! Delete it, I'll let you take another one," you whine from your seat, imagining just how bad a candid picture of you could be.

"Ugh, fine. Ever so picky." He playfully rolls his eyes at you as he takes his phone out and opens the camera app as you prepare yourself.

"Okay, how's this?" Jay turns the phone screen to you after he takes a few snaps on his phone.

"I approve," you grin at him as he goes through the pictures himself, unaware of the smile growing on his face.

"Okay now delete the first one," you point your finger at him, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, okay! Bossy," he laughs as he raises in hands in surrender.

When Jay gets home that night, he recovers the image from his Recently Deleted folder, telling himself it's for the sake of the memory.

Obviously.

~ ~ ~

"It's not that big of a deal," Jay mutters from his spot as his eyes go from the Instagram post to his Exile and Belonging in Modern Literature reading that's due tomorrow, bright yellow highlighter in hand. Typically, you'd find the reading buried deep at the bottom of his school backpack. But because Jay ran into you this morning and because he complained to you about the amount of work he's fallen behind on and because you had threatened him to do his work or else you're not going on another date––a fake date that is––with him, he figured he should at least get one reading done and annotated, despite his strong dislike for highlighters (they hurt his eyes, okay?)

What he doesn't know, however, is how your threat was completely full of bluff––but don't tell him that.

"It is so a big deal, for you at least!" Jake hops off the bed and lands on the wooden floors of Jay's dorm room so hard, Jay winces and sends a mental apology to the poor person who lives below him.

Jake suddenly gasps. "I have to meet her, Jay! As your best friend, it's practically mandatory that I meet her."

Jay opens his mouth to protest, but not before Jake interrupts him once again. "Oh! We can bring Sunghoon too, it'll be so fun! The best friends meet the girlfriend."

Jay can't think of anything worst. Jay imagines that bringing you to meet his best friends would just intimidate you out of dating him––fake dating him, that is. Obviously.

He stares at his friend in agony then back at the reading in front of him––the one Jake said he'd come over to help annotate, but the intention completely left Jake's head the second he heard about Jay's recent dating life.

"You don't have to meet her," Jay says pointedly. "Plus, you already know her."

Jake frowns at his friend's excuse. "Yeah, but that was in middle school! This is different."

Jay's hands shuffle through the reading's pages in front of him as he realizes there's no way the two of them are going to finish the assignment at this point. He supposes he'll have to save death by blindness from highlighters for another day and hope you still agree to go out with him.

Jake suddenly gasps in realization.

"Oh my gosh! Childhood best friends turned college sweethearts," Jake says so dreamily, he might as well plaster heart eyes on. Hopeless romantic, this one.

Before Jay can argue, the piercing sound of three loud knocks echo through the small room, followed with a:

"Jay, are you in? It's me!"

Jay stills at the sound of your sweet voice. He whips his head to Jake, who is also frozen in place.

But the widened-eye boy is quick to come to his senses––unfortunately quicker than Jay himself––because the next thing Jay knows, Jake's eyes are lighting up and he's running to the door, ignoring Jay's screaming whispers through this seething teeth that were somewhere along the lines of Jake––stop, I swear to god if you open that door I'm gonna fucking--

"Y/N!" Jake swings the door wide open, revealing an overly excited him and a frozen Jay half-way to the door, as if he was about to grab the very boy welcoming you in. It's as if we're living in a Sims game and the player clicked pause on this very moment.

Jake's eyes are wildly going back and forth between you and your supposed boyfriend, as if he was waiting for Jay to run over and smother you in hugs and kisses...or something couple-y like that. Jay wouldn't know.

"Uh––hi," you're awkwardly standing inside the room now, a relatively large paper brown bag resting in your palms as you look around for a surface to place it on. Jay makes his way to you without a second thought, quickly taking the bag out of your hold.

"You seemed stressed out earlier, so I figured I could bring you some food as a little pick me up. I didn't know what you liked, so I kinda just got a little of everything from the dining hall. Nothing fancy," you're rambling, but smiling so excitedly at him, Jay doesn't know what to say.

Instead, his mouth slightly drops open as he stares at you in awe, mostly because he's not used to being on the receiving end of such spontaneously generous actions––all while Jake's still excitedly looking back and forth between the two of you, as if he was expecting a marriage proposal to come next.

"Oh wow. Thank you. Really," Jay, still touched by your simple act of kindness, softly says as he places the bag on the limited amount of empty space on his desk surface––the rest of it is covered with his untouched textbooks and unfinished assignments. He wonders if you did this out of playing your role or just because you wanted to. He internally hopes it's the latter. "Seriously, you didn't have to do."

"Nah, don't worry. I wanted to," you shrug with such a genuine smile that Jay realizes he actually missed your smile.

Despite having seen you during your brief run-in this morning when you were fetching your morning coffee, Jay realizes he missed you. The two of you haven't been seeing each other recently because of your busy schedule and if Jay didn't realize it before, he's now sure he missed your company and presence around.

Weird.

"Well, you two have fun! Sunghoon needs me for something," Jake suddenly chirps from his place near the front door, halfway through with putting his shoes on already, breaking the comforting silence that fell between the two of you.

Jay frowns. "But you said you were free all da––"

"SUNGHOON IS CALLING BYE!" And before Jay can even register what's happening, Jake's out the door without another word.

"Er..sorry about him, he's...weird," Jay scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his spot on his bed, mentally setting a reminder to yell at Jake later for leaving the two of you alone. Jay doesn't know exactly why, but he's nervous at the fact that you're here in his room. It's not like you two are complete strangers––or whatever you guys were before––anymore. "Good job on your part, though. How'd you know Jake was here?"

"Oh uh, I didn't"," you let out an awkward laugh. "I just felt like doing it."

Heat rushes to Jay's cheeks and he's not sure 1) what this newfound feeling is and 2) how to respond, yet again.

Having expecting you to leave after dropping the food off, Jay's taken by surprise when you take your shoes off and come over to his bed to look at the pile of work he's spread out.

"Is this everything you have to do?" You question the stressed-out boy as you flip through the various assignments, readings, and essays he put off in the past week.

"More or less," he groans. This is no rare occurrence by any means––Jay being behind in his work––but this time, Jay realizes he may actually be in deep shit, considering he has no idea where to begin.

Right as Jay's expecting a scolding from you, he looks up to meet a look of sympathy on your face. "Well, I mean, I'm pretty much done with my day. I can try to help, I recognize some of these readings from last semester."

Jay thinks to himself that the universe has sent him an angel through the form of you.

"Really? Wow, you were't kidding when you said you'd be a good girlfriend," he sends you a surprised look.

"I'm just being nice, Jay. A concept I'm sure you're not familiar with," you remark back at him, causing his forming smile to grow into a laugh.

"I can too be nice! Need I remind you of who's paying you $500, covering all of our dates AND giving you rides to class everyday?" He remarks pointedly at you, a teasing look resting in his eyes as you're reminded of the first of many times he's come to pick you up before class:

~ ~ ~

You're late.

This never happens.

But then again, your life's been a series of unexpected occurrences lately. Such as the fact that you're currently known as Jay Park's girlfriend, for one.

You're scrambling out of bed once you take one look at your phone and realize shit, you're already late for class. Throwing on whatever articles of clothing your eyes land on first, you're already mentally groaning at the fact that you'll have to skip breakfast and run across your campus to get to said class.

Curse your professor for hosting her lecture at the furthest possible building away from your dorm. Curse the architect who decided to make your campus so large.

You're running down the steps outside of your dorm building's doors when you're abruptly stopped by a familiar sounding cough. You look up from trying to gather all your belongings together at once to meet the gaze of the source of the sound––Jay.

"Wow, you're a mess," he smirks as he gets up from the spot on his car he was leaning against to make his way over to you.

"Gee, thanks! Good morning to you too," you flash him a sarcastic smile before your default frown quickly makes it way back onto your face.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?" He grins as he grabs hold of your backpack to sling it across his own back as the two of you walk towards his car.

"Why are you here, Jay?" you sigh, your sarcastic tone hard to miss.

"To give you a ride to class, of course!" He's beaming at you, as if he's a pre-pubescent teen who just won their first girlfriend a prize from the arcade's claw machine.

Oh. That explains the car, you figure. Deep down inside, you're relieved that you'll no longer be bursting through the lecture hall's doors as a sweaty mess––a result of having to run across campus to get to class.

Determined to not let your satisfaction completely show, you resort with a little smile directed towards Jay as he opens the passenger door for you.

The second your enter Jay's car, the strong scent of coffee hits you, and your attention is targeted at the two small cups of coffee sitting in the cupholders of the car.

"Breakfast?" Jay asks as he enters through the driver's side and reaches into the backseat to whip out a small pastry bag. A small, deliciously smelling, pastry bag.

Okay, well. You suppose you could drop the annoyed act now.

Your eyes widen with joy as you grab the bag from him and open it to reveal your favorite breakfast sandwich. He's been taking notes, you'll give him that point.

"Okay, you win. Thank you," you grace him with a soft smile before taking a bite into the glorious gift in your hands.

"Of course, I was just feeling nice," he grins at you as he starts his car. "But don't get used to it." His tone is serious, but his smile directed towards you says differently.

And the fact that he still showed up to drive you to class the next morning.

And the next.

~ ~ ~

"And need I remind you who has to date your dumb ass for the $500 in question?" Your eyes narrow at the boy who can't seem to get that damn smile off his face.

Jay sticks his tongue out at you, ending the conversation. Really Jay? What are you, five? Well, mentally––probably.

You're looking around his minuscule dorm room for a place to sit down, and Jay can't help but feel embarrassed now that you're here, in his messy single studio room that pretty much reflects how Jay treats every other responsibility of his oh so hard life: neglected.

"Uh...here, you can sit on my bed," Jay immediately offers as he moves to the side to make room for your presence––and it isn't much, considering the university only provided him a twin XL bed which is definitely not built for two grown college-aged kids.

If you told yourself a few weeks ago that you'd be shoulder to shoulder on a bed belonging to the guy you cringed at the very thought of, you wouldn't have believed yourself. You wouldn't have believed yourself if you said you were actually glad Jay let you stay instead of kicking you out after delivering the food. Huh.

Weird.

"You know, this kinda reminds me of when we were kids. I always carried us through those horrible multiplication tests in the fifth grade," you wink at him as you settle in the spot next to him, hands grabbing hold of the papers in his lap.

Jay let out a laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "Hey! The twelve times table is hard, okay?"

You roll your eyes at him––a habit of yours he's noticed whenever the two of you are together, but more recently, he thinks it's been more out of fun than annoyance.

He wonders why.

When Jay had first brought up the idea of bringing you as his date to his father's company dinner, you had expected a fairly fancy five-star restaurant with a formal dress code––for you've become accustomed to Jay's lifestyle. Turns out, your expectations can continue to be exceeded. Because what you had expected to be a simple dinner with a few other business men and women turned out to be an entire party, hosted in a hotel whose interior resembled something close to a castle (Or what you assume a castle looks like, as you've never personally been into a castle yourself, but this hotel is close enough).

Your eyes sparkle at the extravagant columns and diamond chandeliers hanging high above you, and Jay smiles at the expression on your face; like a little girl being brought to the amusement park for the first time ever.

"Wow, this is...wow," you mutter as you drink in the scene in front of you: people dressed in formal attire likewise to yours and Jay's, mingling and drinking what you imagine to be beverages that cost more than your entire life's worth.

Jay laughs from behind you, "Yeah the company goes a little...extra when it comes to these company dinners."

You scoff as you look up at him. "Oh really, you don't say?" You look around and you're suddenly aware of the many people surrounding the two of you and the attention you've acquired ever since entering the building.

"Jay, people are staring." You shuffle closer to him, your voice lowering down to a whisper.

"Well, it's not everyday the son of the company's CEO brings his girlfriend with him, so...looks like we'll be the talk of the party tonight. Smiles on," he winks at you, and you just know he's loving the attention the two of you are receiving right now.

"Jay Park? Is that you?" You hear a warm voice call out from behind the two of you.

The two of you turn around to meet the owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman dressed in an evening gown that matches the pattern of high-end brands you've been recognizing ever since arriving.

"Mrs. Lee! It's so nice seeing you again," Jay cheerily addresses the woman as the two of you bow in greeting.

You internally giggle at the thought of your Jay being so picture-perfect in the eyes of his father's co-workers.

"This is Y/N," he continues, his hand finding its way to your back, protectively resting it there as you go to introduce yourself. "My girlfriend."

You swear you feel goosebumps rise from where he's lightly touching you, and more so when he introduces you as his girlfriend.

You tell yourself it's just your nerves. Yes, that's it, you're just nervous. I mean, you're in a room filled with people who could easily pay off all your college loans with just a snap of their fingers, who wouldn't be nervous? Right? Right.

"Y/N! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!" Mrs. Lee excitedly exclaims as you turn to Jay with a slightly confused look plastered on your face. He mirrors your expression as he shrugs, moving to stand behind you completely, bringing his hands to rest lowly at your hips.

His hands feel like feathers on the thin fabric of your evening gown, so light, so delicate, as if he's unsure if he's crossing a line. It leaves you wanting more, wanting to naturally lean against him and his warmth. You quick to shake the thought of your head as Mrs. Lee chirps up again.

"Jay's father is always talking about how you've been keeping Jay pleasantly busy nowadays! Good thing too, about time this poor boy settle down for someone as beautiful as you," the woman rambles on as you feel a blush creep up on your cheeks at the thought of Jay talking about you to his dad. If only they knew.

"We should probably go find our seats, I think the dinner is beginning soon," Jay says from behind you, saving the two of you from having to listen to Mrs. Lee's story of how she's known Jay ever since he was five years old and seeing him grow into this mature, loving, young man is so amazing. Oh look! I have baby pictures.

Yeah, he was more so saving himself from embarrassment.

The two of you bid your goodbyes before Jay gently uses the hand on your back to maneuver you through the crowd of socializing business moguls.

"She's not wrong, you know," you feel Jay dip his head so he's speaking near your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe, as the two of you make your way through the large foyer room.

"Hm?" You hum in question, turning your head up just enough to be able to make eye contact with him as he responds to your look of confusion.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says, eye contact not breaking once. You freeze in your steps.

You stare back at him in silence. Oh.

Your mind is panicking as it flips through your mental book of responses, unsure of what to say back. But because your mind is cloudy from staring at a put-together Jay in a dark navy suit to match your dress (mixed with the nervous butterflies in your stomach––have they always been there?), the only sound that's able to leave your lips is the small stutter of a:

"Huh?"

Wow Y/N, you had one job. A simple "thank you" could've sufficed! And you went with "Huh"?

You felt like a fifth grader who just learned from a friend of a friend of a friend that their crush likes them back.

"U-um. Mrs. Lee. What she said about you. You look good, really," somehow your nervousness made its way over to Jay now––his eyes flickering from yours to anywhere, anything, else in the room––the awkward tension growing tenfold each second.

Goddamnit Y/N, this is just Jay you're talking to, get a grip.

You're knocked back into reality when he slightly nudges your back to continue making your way to the main ball room, where the dinner is being held.

"Is that a compliment from the Jay Park?" Your smirk can't be seen by Jay, since he's still trailing behind you, but he can definitely hear it through your tone.

"Don't make me take it back," he chuckles, his words felt against your neck, leaving behind a tingly sensation you're not sure why you're feeling. You're glad he's behind you, so he isn't able to see the blush creeping onto your face for the second time tonight.

Jay gives a small nod to the people behind the check-in desk stationed at the entrance as the two of you waltz right into a large ball room lined with countless circular dining tables. So much for a small business dinner.

As the two of you approach one of the tables placed at the front of the room, you notice a familiar figure seated next to the seats reserved for you and Jay.

"Y/N!" Jake exclaims as he gets up from his seat to greet the both of you. "I'm so glad you made it, Jay was so excited to bring you tonight. Deadass would not stop talking about it."

Jay lets out a noise that falls somewhere between a cough and a goose being strangled, his widened eyes warning his talkative friend to just shut up. He's silently cursing the company for always seating his and Jake's family at the same table for these events.

"Aw, is that so? He's lucky he's cute or else I wouldn't have agreed," you grin, winking at your assumed boyfriend sitting next to you.

"Hey, YOU were the one excited to come! I recall a certain someone's face lighting up when I suggested we go shopping for tonight," Jay immediately retorts.

"Only because you were buying," you giggle, causing Jake to laugh as well.

"Damn, Jay. Tough," Jake jokingly adds as you laugh alongside him. The scowl sitting on Jay's face expresses the opposite of what he's feeling right now: warmth filling him up from the sound of your laughter and the image of you getting along so well with his best friend.

"I'm gonna get us some drinks, you two have fun making fun of me," Jay narrows his eyes at the two of you as he gets up from his seat. You bid him off with a smile before turning back to Jake.

"No but really though, this boy would not stop talking about you coming tonight. Then again, he doesn't really ever stop talking about you," Jake nonchalantly says, not knowing how much he was exposing his friend to you right now.

You raise an eyebrow up in response, "Oh really?"

"Seriously! I don't know what you did to him, Y/N, but this Jay I've been seeing recently is new. He complains a lot less about life nowadays, especially on the days he sees you," he leans back in his chair as his comment brings a smile to your face. Little does he know.

You stretch your neck up to find the boy in question and spot him right as he's returning to your shared table, two drinks in hand. You lock eyes with him from across the room and without a second thought, you're giving him a genuine smile that he's immediately returning.

Your heart beats faster at the view.

You wonder why.

It's 3:07AM when you hear the first ding.

You're not 100% sure as of why you're awake at this hour on a Tuesday night––perhaps a combination of your restless thoughts and feelings not letting you sleep plus the typical stress that comes hand-in-hand with the life of a college student.

It's 3:09AM when you hear the second ding, and you brush it off, assuming it was just Heeseung spamming you with memes again––something he does often when he also can't sleep (you found this out the hard way).

It's still 3:09AM when you hear the third ding, and at 3:10AM , you finally reach over and decide to acknowledge the being who's bothering you at this godforsaken hour.

Jay [3:07AM]: Y/N

Jay [3:09AM]: hi

Jay [3:09AM]: r u awake rn

Y/N [3:10AM]: unfortunately so

Y/N [3:11AM]: why are you up

Jay [3:11AM]: come outside

Y/N [3:13AM: jay it's 3am

Jay [3:13AM]: ye and? don't tell me ur a college student with a curfew

Jay [3:14AM]: plus im alrdy waiting for u outside so u have no choice

Jay [3:15AM]: :)

You groan at your bright phone screen currently illuminating your dark dorm room.

You ponder the consequences you may have to suffer tomorrow if you stay up any later than you already have. But considering the fact that you're probably just going to stay awake lying in bed for god knows how long anyways, why not?

(And you would like to point out that this decision has nothing to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jay in a few days and that maybe a tiny, tiny, tiny, part of you may have missed his presence. Nothing.)

And since that logic is obviously valid (you really gotta work on justifying your life choices), you're suddenly grabbing a hoodie from your closet and hoping it'll be enough to keep you, who's merely in an old band t-shirt from high-school and pajama shorts, warm.

The breeze hits your skin the second you open the doors to your dorm's building, and you're met with the view of Jay's sleek, black BMW that probably costs more than your tuition. He waves at you from the driver's seat, motioning for you to get in.

"To what do I owe you the pleasure at this hour," you deadpan at him with a stone-cold voice as you enter through the passenger's side door, hoping your tone was enough to hide the fact that you're giddy at the fact he invited you out at 3AM in the morning. Like a high-school girl sneaking out of her house to meet up with her bad-boy boyfriend that her parents dislike.

The second you enter his car, you're instantly comforted by the warm air blasting through his vents and his playlist softly playing in the background. Jay's pajama pants and messy hair give you more than enough information to know that he probably just rolled out of his own bed as well. You don't know why, but your view: Jay in his oversized hoodie with his unkept hair in front of your dorm building at 3AM on a Tuesday night, gives you comfort in weird ways you can't explain even if you tried.

But it's obviously just your cloudy, 3AM mind not thinking straight. Obviously.

"When I can't sleep, I go on drives around campus. It helps clear my mind," he says, looking over at you to give you a quick smile before starting his car. "Plus, SnapMap said you were still awake, so...figured you'd wanna join."

"Oh so what, you're my stalker now? You're not driving to the woods to kill me now, are you?" You tease, an eyebrow brought up. Jay lets out a laugh from beside you as he begins to drive further into your campus.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," he throws you a wink before reverting his gaze back to the road, mindlessly driving to wherever the road decides to take him.

A comfortable silence falls in between the two of you as Jay continues to drive endless routes around your campus. You look over to the boy driving next to you and take in his features––you don't know what changed, but you no longer feel the same anger or annoyance bubbling within you when you're around him. You're not sure when this changed, but you figure it's just the effect of desensitization. After all, you've been spending so much time with him, you're bound to get used to it. Right?

"Why were you up?" Jay finally asks after a few minutes of just the two of you silently basking in each other's presences.

"Ah, you know. The usual. Endless thoughts running through my mind, stress from school, nothing new," you sign, giving him a soft smile followed with a shrug.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You answer him with silence as you search your head for the answer.

"I don't know. This is kinda weird, isn't it?" You don't know why you get a sudden surge of confidence, but before you can stop yourself, you find yourself rambling on. "If you had told me a month ago that I'd be here driving around with you when it's nearly 4AM, I would've laughed in your face."

Jay doesn't know whether to laugh or scoff. "Is the idea of hanging out with me that unappealing to you?"

You give him a serious look back. "I mean, up until a month ago when you needed me for whatever this game is, you literally pretended I didn't exist."

Oh. Awkward.

You freeze at your own words, mentally screaming at yourself for letting the words leave your mouth. Why, why, why.

"Y/N..." Jay says after clearing his throat after a few seconds of silence.

"No it's fine, it was a joke," you awkwardly cough and direct your attention to anything else around you right now. The view of your campus' buildings zooming by. The clicking of Jay's blinker when he switches lanes. The quiet roaring of his car's engine. The nervous tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel.

The rest of the ride is excruciatingly silent as he exits the main road and into an empty parking lot of some administration building made out of glass that has too many floors for you to count.

You don't know why you feel your heart beating in your throat as Jay puts the car into park––why you feel uneasy. You slightly turn towards him in your seat, hoping to pick up any sign of well...anything from him.

You don't know why you feel a twinge of guilt––it's not like what you said was necessarily wrong. If you were being honest, you were slightly bothered by how the two of you seemed to silently agree not to mention your past all this time. You were always one to seek answers, to seek closure. You couldn't help but bring it up––Jay was your best friend during those years. For him to just wake up one day and pretend you were nothing to him hurt you, and you couldn't help but still wonder what in the world you did to initiate his actions.

"I'm sor–" You're interrupted with his timid voice, as if he was almost afraid to speak.

"I'm not good with people." He's nibbling on his bottom lip, fingers nervously picking at a spot on the steering wheel.

You're opening and closing your mouth, unsure how to respond. You're 100% positive you look like a fish right now. Good for you.

"I don't know why. Jake calls it commitment issues but in order to have commitment, people have to stay in my life. And people just...don't. They're all bound to leave at some point. So what's the point of putting in effort into relationships if they're just going to leave you at the end?"

You're stunned by his sudden confession, not having been prepared for such a heavy topic to arise between the two of you. Up until tonight, your interactions had always been light-hearted and easy––you guys got along well. You didn't know this is how he felt all along.

But you knew where he was coming from.

You knew what Jay had gone through as a child––his mother having left him and his dad when he was young. You remember when your parents had told you the news at the young age of 13, and you remember the pain and sorrow you felt for your then friend. All you wanted to do was go to him and comfort him, but he had already cut you out from his life by then.

"Or maybe I'm the problem. My dad barely acknowledges my existence because he thinks giving me an allowance is all the parenting I need, my friends probably only stick around because they feel bad for me, you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the bet, and, fuck, I'm literally known as the campus' fuckboy," Jay continues, falling deeper and deeper into the hole he dug himself.

He hates this, he hates opening up and feeling vulnerable, so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable voicing out his fears and worries when he's around you. But he does know it's a new feeling––one he doesn't know how to deal with.

"Jay," you lace your voice with as much comfort as you can provide. None of this is his fault, you want to tell him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he says with a hint of bitterness and you can't tell if it's directed towards you or the topic at hand.

You're completely turned in your seat now to face him––despite the fact that he refuses to meet your gaze, afraid that looking at you is gonna bring out the most vulnerable in him. "You can talk to me. Talking about it makes it a lot easier. I'll always be here for you, as a friend."

Jay doesn't know what it is or why, but something in him snaps at the sound of a certain word falling out of your lips. Friend. Friend.

Friends don't make his heart beat nervously whenever he's around them. Friends don't keep him up at 3AM in the morning, pondering about his feelings for them. Friends don't provide him with this new, warm comfort he's become accustomed to whenever he's around you.

Deep down, Jay knows you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. But because he's strong-headed, stubborn, and hates how vulnerable he feels next to you, he unleashes his emotions without thinking about the destruction coming along.

"It's none of your business, Y/N. Forget I said anything. You're just a toy for this stupid game and when it's all over we can go back to our own lives and forget this ever happened."

His sudden words cut deep, but they hurt him more than you. The second the words tumble out of his mouth, he's hit with the feeling of instant regret washing over him, and the lump forming in his throat restricts him from finding the right words to take them back.

The silence that falls between the two of you this time is different. It's a cold silence. A loud silence.

Jay feels his walls coming back up around him––the ones you managed to get through––and all he wants to do is apologize but he's terrified. Terrified of seeing your reaction, terrified of losing you again. For the second time.

You tell yourself he doesn't mean it. You tell yourself that he's just enduring more pain that one should ever receive.

But you also tell yourself that this wouldn't be the first time Jay leaves you in the dust.

You tell yourself that you're foolish for ever believing a friendship, or more, could come out of this act at the end. That you're so naive for feeling those stupid, stupid butterflies you've started to notice in your stomach whenever you see, or even think of, him.

"Okay," you begin with a firm tone. You're hurt, but you refuse to show it. You won't let him hurt you for a second time. Not again.

"Just...find me when you need me. As your fake girlfriend or just...me. I'm still here for you," is the last thing you say before un-clicking your seatbelt and leaving his car, beginning your walk back to your dorm hall.

Jay is unsure about many things in life. He's unsure about what he wants to do in the future, he's unsure of where he's going to settle in life, heck, he's unsure about what to have for lunch tomorrow. But he's sure about one thing.

That he's wearing his heart on his sleeve right now, and it's all because of you.

That you've become this new lifeline and he has to choose between holding onto you or drowning.

When Jay wakes up the next morning, his first gut instinct is to get ready to pick you up for class. But today's different. Jay doesn't know where the two of you stand now, especially after last night.

Jay doesn't know how to deal with this combination of unknown emotions he's been feeling lately. They didn't come out of no where, by any means, he realizes. They've been slowly growing over the past month of seeing you so often––like a plant he's been watering overtime, not expecting it to bloom into a flower so suddenly––but he figured it was nothing more than just enjoying the company of a friend.

Until he realizes that the term friend just doesn't suite you anymore––not to him, at least. And that scares him. It scares him that you've made him genuinely smile more in this past month than he ever has in his 19 years of living. It scares him that when he's around you he can't comprehend his own thoughts, his feelings. It scares him that you make him vulnerable, that you've changed him. That you've managed to make the walls that he's spent so long building and polishing to crumble with a simple tap of your finger.

In a perfect world, Jay would have already told you all this––he would be unafraid of how you would react, unafraid of your rejection, unafraid of losing this growing relationship with you. But alas, we don't live in a perfect world. And so when Jay drives to class that day, he drives right past your dorm building.

"Where's Y/N?" is the first thing Jake questions when he enters Jay's car that morning, confused by your absence, having been used to you being in the front seat every morning when Jay goes to give Jake rides to class as well.

"I don't know," Jay mutters, unemotional eyes focused on the road in front of him, not interested in continuing a conversation that involves thinking about you.

Jake hesitates as curiosity gets the best of him. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?"

Jay's hands tighten around the steering wheel of his car. "Or something. Let's just leave it at that."

There are a few beats of silence before Jake speaks up again.

"Well, I guess this works out because I wanted to talk to you about something."

Jay continues to stare straight ahead of him, focusing on just trying to get by without mentally beating himself up at the simple thought of you.

The simple thought of you and your smile. Your witty remarks. Your stupid eye rolls. Your laughter. Your kindness. So much for not thinking about you.

"I'm calling it off," Jake's words catch Jay off guard.

"Huh? Calling what off?"

"The bet. I'm calling it off. I don't care about the textbook fees I'll have to pay next semester. Look, fight or not, you and Y/N are good for each other, everyone can see it. And I really don't want this to end up being one of those messed up teen TV shows where the girlfriend finds out the entire relationship was based off of a stupid game and then they break up and the boyfriend falls into eternal sadness and regret. And I don't wanna see you sad, dude. So yeah! Congrats," although he's admitting defeat, Jake's beaming widely, just content with the fact that his best friend has finally found happiness through the form of you. "You win."

But Jay feels like the opposite of a winner. Because even though his only intention coming into this was simply winning the bet, his life isn't as simple as it was a month ago. Because he discovered something much more valuable than some stupid textbook fees or five hundred dollars or getting his physics homework done for an entire semester.

Something he's scared he's already lost.

You.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next time you see Jay is at the same time and place as when he first ever appeared to pick you up––at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building home to your awfully long Capitalism in World History class. This time, however it's different.

Because this time, it's one month later, and Jay Park is no longer a forgotten side character in the story of your life. This time, you're frustrated because it's been three days since you've last heard from Jay. And because it's been three days since you've last heard from him, you can't focus on anything else, and because you can't focus on anything else, you're falling behind on every other aspect in your life. Jay's somehow managed to become the center of your life without even having to be present.

Well, up until now. Up until you go down the steps of your lecture hall's entrance and look up to be met with a figure leaning on a car you're far too familiar with. You freeze in your steps as you make eye contact with the boy you've been thinking about non-stop for the past month three days.

Your mind tells you to walk away, to just follow your flight instinct instead of fight, to just go back to your normal life. But here's the thing. Ever since Jay's made his way back to your life, it's been far from normal.

And if you're being honest, you had no interest in going back to your normal life. Normal's overrated anyways. You find your legs bringing yourself over to him, your heart leading the way.

"Hi," you simply say, planting yourself right in front of him.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" You already know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.

"Waiting for you," Jay doesn't hesitate in answering you. This time will be different, he tells himself.

"I can walk myself home, thanks," you state, but your actions tell differently, as you make no sign of moving from your spot in front of him.

Jay's mind contemplates telling you everything. About how he regrets that friendship-breaking decision he made that one fateful day in the eighth grade, about his true feelings, about how he first suspected these feelings when he was 11 years old and saw you in your fancy get-up for the sixth grade dance but put it off as a little crush, and about how the same feelings grew into something so, so much more in the present. But seeing that putting all these thoughts into words would involve more than one functioning brain cell (which is all he's convinced he has in the moment, for the view of you staring up at him, looking like that, has his brain short-circuiting), he settles with:

"He called it off. It's over. The bet."

"Oh."

Silence.

Okay, Jay. This is your chance. Say it.

"Is that it?" You lift an eyebrow, awaiting for more explanation. When it doesn't come, you slightly nod and start backing away. "I'll see you around then."

Is that it? Do the two of you just go back to your respective lives now? How can Jay do that, when he doesn't even recall what his life was like before you entered it––and especially when he has absolutely no interest in going back to that life?

Fuck it.

"Y/N!" He stands up straight, a newfound confidence taking over. This time will be different, he tells himself. Because now, he knows what he wants. For sure.

You turn towards him, to see him already making his way towards you, stopping in his steps when he finds himself close enough to you that he can't concentrate anymore.

"I'm sorry for ditching you in the eighth grade. I'm sorry for ignoring you since then. I'm sorry for dragging you into this stupid mess and for pushing you away and I'm sorry for calling you a toy. Because it's far from truth. I like you. A lot. And––and I'm scared. I'm scared of what this means for us, because I just keep messing things up and all I know is that I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and realize you're not in my life anymore and––"

"Woah, woah, Jay. Slow down," you look up at him, the corners of your lips threatening to curve up into a smile. "You're an idiot, you know."

Jay's never really confessed his feelings to anyone before, per say, so he doesn't really know what to expect. But he's watched enough Netflix rom-coms in this lifetime (which is still not that many) to know that hearing the words "you're an idiot" isn't what you're supposed to hear after pouring your heart and soul out. Surely not, right?

"I––I'm not sure how to respond to that," he quietly says, searching your eyes for a sign, for anything. You giggle at his sudden shyness as you grab both his arms and look at him right in the eyes.

"It's okay. I get it, if anything, I'm also scared. But you somehow got me wrapped around your stupid finger, and I hate it," you smirk at him, your hands slowly making their way up his arms to circle around his neck.

Jay's hands naturally fall at your waist as he lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding as he returns your smirk. "Well, I could say the same about you. And I also hate it, for your information."

"Hmm, is that so? I guess it cancels out then, right?" You smile at him as he's pulling you in so close, your head turns cloudy.

Jay grins at you, his eyes holding so much joy and endearment as they quickly flicker down to your lips before returning to your own eyes. "I guess this only means one thing then."

"Mm, and what's that?"

And before Jay can answer––and because your life's been anything but normal lately––you make the first move this time, moving your head up to close the small gap between the two of you.

His arms instinctively tighten around you as you capture his lips with your very own, and Jay swears he's about to lift off into space right now. He's on cloud nine, and he makes no plans to touch the ground ever again.

The kiss quickly becomes fervent, all the pent-up tension that the two of you had for one another finally finding its way out, all the words that were previously left unsaid finally expressing themselves. You don't even care if you're being judged by the conservative faculty members of your school right now, or by the looks of fellow students walking past the two of you.

You try your best to keep yourself from smiling as he continues to press his lips against yours, his hand moving to hold your chin, guiding your mouth with his.

Before you find yourself getting carried away, you step back to take a breath, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands rest against your back. He smiles at the sound of you giggling against him.

Jay takes a step back to take one look at you and realizes, in this moment, that change can be good. And he's willing to undergo this change. As long as it's with you.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next morning, you bounce down the steps of your dorm building's entrance to meet the wide, bright smile of your ex-childhood-bestfriend-turned-fake-boyfriend-turned-real-boyfriend waiting for you in front of his car, small pastry bag in hand. You smile back at him.

Jay drives you to class that day.

And everyday after that.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ :

✰ let me know what you think! if u made it til the end, mwah :') <3

[manonblaqkbeak]

Dating and Goodreads

Back for Day 8-Blind date (how the hell do u guys come up with good title fics i struggle so bad lol). I wasn’t really going anywhere with this one, but when i read all of the others and saw how fun the fics were, i decided to finish this one.

also for Summertime and Fresh Strawberries, I deliberately left it blank but I can’t hold onto the secret bc two people were curious as to what happened, so i’ll let the rest of you know that aelin and rowan decided to keep summer and be a cute little family, bc im a sucker for happy endings lol (unless its angst, it’s safe to assume that all my rowaelin fics have happy endings bc they’ve all ready been thru so much and even in alt fics i need them to be happy lmao)

anyway, on to the next one. hope you enjoy!

1.8k words

cw: none

Aelin was a confident woman, something that she was proud of. But that didn't mean that there weren't times she didn't feel self-conscious or awkward and full of doubt.

Because right now, all those negative feelings were swimming inside of her.

And those feelings were just magnified today, especially since she had gotten fired only a few hours beforehand. It was utterly unexpected, she had never received any prior warnings, and while she was a fighter, Aelin didn't feel like stepping into the ring for this one. Not when her boss was a demon from hell that made life unbearable and she had to physically push herself into entering the work building.

Aelin told herself that it was for the best. She was miserable there and hated working in an office typing up the worlds most boring reports and working in a space that was entirely too drab.

But she wasn't looking forward to job hunting. Aelin was aware that she could ask her friends for favours, but if Aelin did something wrong, she didn't want it reflected back onto whoever helped her.

And she was still a little peeved over the damned argument she had online again with that haughty prick on Goodreads. Aelin wasn't sure why those arguments kept going, but each time she would post a review, White Tailed Hawk would respond, telling her that she read the book wrong and this and that and blah blah blah.

Aelin repaid the favour each time, telling him how he was wrong and he had no reading comprehension skills. And on and on it went until Aelin or whoever the fuck that guy was went back to their own lives.

Depressingly, it was the most fun she had some days.

Shaking her head, Aelin forced herself to think of the now and not of her shitty day. Still she sighed, not quite believing that she had agreed to this blind date. Couldn't believe that she had let Aedion convince her it was a good idea.

Aelin had said no at first, after Aedion had voiced his offer, and her cousin left it at that. But days went past, and he would bring up the topic of Rowan, about the things he had said that day, how his dry sense of humour took some time to get used to but once you figured it out, he was actually pretty funny, how he had finished a project perfectly and this and that.

But it got to her, annoyingly. So the other day when he was helping her out with some housework that was a two person job, Aelin told him to set up this date. Aedion cheered as if it was the best thing he had ever heard, telling her how she and Rowan were the perfect match for each other.

Aelin rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything of the assessment.

She had only agreed because it was getting frustrating being asked at every family event if she was dating someone, when she was going to give her parents grandchildren (that question pissed her off the most, as if Aelin was nothing but a birthing machine and that was all Aelin could contribute to society), and who was going to look after her when she was old if she didn't have children (because apparently carers didn't exist).

Aelin was also lonely—she could entertain herself just fine, but she did like the idea of coming home and talking to someone that could respond. She loved Fleetfoot and her enthusiasm when Aelin came home, but human companionship would be nice.

But Aelin didn't have high-hopes for this date because the universe liked to kick Aelin's ass from time to time, she suspected that they were going to hate each other.

Taking a deep breath, Aelin got out of her car, smoothed down her romper and went inside the restaurant, head held high.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't believe that he was about to go on a blind date. That Aedion had convinced him to go out with his younger cousin. He hadn't dated anyone since Lyria and he knew that his dating skills were going to be rusty as hell. He had been with Lyria since they were nineteen, married at 23 and divorced at 31; he had been single for the last two years.

It had been...fine, a little strange, after being with someone for so long to find himself a bachelor. Rowan never thought that he would apart from Lyria, but their relationship had just faded. Long before the divorce, it had been more like a housemate relationship than a marriage. He wasn't surprised when his ex-wife had come home after work with divorce papers. He had only stared at the paperwork for an hour before he signed the forms. Truthfully, Rowan was just glad that he was still on good terms with Lyria, that they could still talk to one another from time to time.

Rowan had almost called her earlier today, to ask how the hell dates went, but felt that it would have been crossing some invisible line, so he didn't call and instead had Googled the questions instead.

They didn't really help.

Rowan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, telling himself that if things went wrong, then it wasn't the end of the world. That if he had to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, then that was fine. He had plenty of ways of keeping himself busy—he had a good career, a nice house, plenty of books to read and to argue online about them with.

He had one earlier today, actually, with Queen of Wildfire about a new release that Rowan had eagerly read within days of its release. And once again, he ended up with an argument with the woman about the messages and themes within the book.

It was stupid, he knew, to be at his age and to be fighting online with a stranger, but something about this woman just had his fingers flying over the keyboard.

Some days he looked forward to it, as embarrassing as that was to admit. He didn't really want to look into himself to figure out what it all meant.

Eyes drifting to the dashboard, Rowan realised that his date was about to start. Popping a mint into his mouth and smoothing out his clothes, Rowan took a deep breath and left the car and went to his first date in twelve years.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad.

X X X X X X

The date had started out a little awkward, but that wasn't a surprise to Aelin, because what blind date started smoothly?

It picked up after Rowan admitted that he was divorced and that he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. Aelin appreciated that stark honesty and admitted that she too had no idea what to do.

Since then, the conversation went well, the food was good and Aelin had even swiped a few bites of his dinner because it just looked so much better than hers. Rowan had playfully grumbled underneath his breath, but smiled as he said it.

It was going really well. Maybe the universe had decided to give her a break for the rest of this evening. There was a part of her that maybe wondered if they would have sex, because the man did look fucking fantastic, but at the same time, she didn't want to rush anything in case this actually turned into something more.

“What's the dumbest thing that you've done recently or in the past?” Aelin asked. There was no such thing as small talk between them—Aelin had all ready asked if he believed in aliens and was glad when he said yes, because “it's ridiculous to think that we're alone in this wide universe of ours. It makes sense that there'd be other lifeforms out there.” Which was pretty damned close to Aelin's reasoning as well, so asking him about stupid moments felt like nothing in comparison.

Rowan smirked at the question and took a moment to think before answering. “I engage in online arguments.”

“Really? About what, exactly?”

“It's stupid. But my all my arguments occur on Goodreads of all places. Not Facebook, or YouTube, or Twitter, but Goodreads. It's never anything insulting but just arguments about how wrong some people's in depth reviews are.”

“Fair enough,” Aelin said, “I've been known to do the same thing as you. There's this one user on there, White Tailed Hawk—a stupid name if you ask me—and he just never...” Aelin stopped when she noticed that he stopped eating and was just looking at her weirdly. “Rowan? Are you okay?”

“Do you, by any chance, go under the name of Queen of Wildfire?”

Aelin blinked, and then blinked again, and once the pieces fell into place, she knew right then and there that the universe really hated her. She let out a harsh laugh, the sound echoing throughout the space. Aelin wasn't really sure what to say, because it was true what he said; it had never been insulting, but ending up on a date with the man she had regularly arguments with was just...she had no words, other then, “It really is a stupid name.” She took a sip of her wine, needing to do something other than wanting to bang her head against the table.

“I couldn't think of anything else to write.” And it wasn't also his favourite animal, he had told her that earlier.

They lapsed back into the awkward silence of earlier, both picking at their food.

But Aelin didn't want this night to go to waste. “It'd be stupid to let something as small as this get in the way of whatever this could be,” Aelin said, deciding to be blunt.

Rowan nodded. “It would be. Although I have to be honest, you really have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to Call of the Wild Winds.”

Aelin just about stormed off when she noticed his playful smile, his eyes sparkling bright. Laughing, Aelin threw a bread-roll at his handsome face, and once he caught it and split it in half for them to share, they went back to their earlier conversation.

And when Rowan walked her to her apartment door and kissed her on the cheek goodnight with a promise to text her later, Aelin couldn't help herself by telling him that all his opinions sucked and that he had no idea what he was talking about—all with a big smile on her face as Rowan sputtered as she closed the door on his face.

They spent the rest of the night texting, and all of Aelin's earlier woes faded away. And she looked forward to tomorrow, despite the horror of job hunting. Maybe the universe will finally let things turn around for the better for her.

Aelin went to sleep with a smile on her face, all because of White Tailed Hawk.

And on the other side of the city, Rowan also fell asleep with a smile on his face.

[toomanysurveys9]

Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? A bunk bed for the kids. It’s nice and it’s lower, which means they’re not hitting their heads on the ceiling and they are also not putting a bunch of junk underneath it.

Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? I mean.. maybe. Probably. I guess it might depend why they didn’t want their license.

How would you react if your artwork became famous? I’m not artistic at all.

Would you get your nipples pierced? I would not.

How many people know your birthday? I don’t know. My family is pretty big so they know it..

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? Jacob’s ex when we first got together in high school.

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? I have not..

What is your current MySpace song? I don’t know. I don’t use myspace anymore. What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich? Turkey. Sometimes ham, but only from Subway or Jimmy Johns.

Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? I have one ex and there really wasn’t much chemistry there.

How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? You do you.

Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins? I have not.

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? Let’s not go there...

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? Ones from when I was younger. And any of my kids. Old or new.

Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike? Like. Definitely prefer them over crunchy ones.

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful? Of course.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? I don’t know. I know a lot about marriage and family therapy, but I still have a lot to learn as well. 

When was the last time you got all dolled up? It’s been a very, very long time.

Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) We named our car Luci after Lucifer.

Do you have a criminal record? Nope.

Last person you took a nap with? Just me.

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? It does.

Do you think someone likes the same person you like? I doubt it.

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? Definitely not.

Have you ever been to craigslist.com? A long, long time ago.

What about eBay? A long time ago. I usually stick to Amazon.

Have you ever used Nair? It doesn’t work for me.

Are you medicated? No.

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows? Nope.

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? I have not.

Could you make a statement about anything political? I am definitely not going there.

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? Yeah, probably.

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? I’m having Nora is about seven weeks.

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? I do.

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? We went through the drive thru tonight for Wyatt and Eliana because they didn’t want Mexican.

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? Yup.

How often do you go bowling? It’s been so long. That sounds fun though.

Last time you were in an apartment? I don’t remember.

Have you ever seen a live seahorse? In the aquarium.

Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean, it’d be cool. But we don’t live that close to water, so probably not.

Winnie the Pooh or Tigger? Hm. Tigger.

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today? Probably the pop-tarts I had for breakfast.

Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? Nope.

What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot? Flowers. But really anything. I never expect anything, and prefer when people don’t waste a bunch of money on me.

What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to? Rock or rap are the main ones.

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? Jacob. Brown.

Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? Not especially.

Do you eat dessert after dinner? Occasionally.

Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day? More than once.

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? I usually just do fruity drinks, like margaritas or Seagrams.

What was the last animal that you saw? My parents’ kitten, Stormy.

What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings? "The kids have been rough tonight.”

What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for: Probably my first laptop.

What is your favorite messaging program? I usually just use Facebook.

Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week? Not anymore.

Have you ever almost drowned? I have.

Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook? I guess so.

What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted? I don’t know. I’ve never pet anything that scary..

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? I mean. Bits and pieces.

Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? The days I have to work. Lol.

If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I usually just eat maple and brown sugar.

What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? I don’t know.

Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Snickers.

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? Chrome.

Who is your favorite person to hug? My babies. Even if they frustrate me some days. Lol.

Have you ever had to have a mug shot? Nope.

What was the last thing you carried to your room? Eliana.

When was the last time you had a late night phone call? Last weekend. Had to call my parents pretty late to go about an hour away to get my brother from Kayla’s house because he got totally wasted.

[bawkrya]

ok so im just gonna pick at fr from a web designer pov because looking at this site on mobile will drive me into madness if they don’t fix it at some point. The rest of this post will go under a read more because it’s both super long and image heavy.

before i hit mobile though, I’m going to point out some things i just don’t personally like in general with the site design (and yes i am conscious that they are slowly updating to a new look)

this will come as a shock to no one, if you’ve seen previous web design related posts by others anyways, but i cant. stand this menu

[ID: A cropped screenshot of Flight Rising’s Main Menu]

fr, understandably, has a shit ton of links. it’s a petsite with lore and all that, whatever. The thing that bothers me specifically is the length of links and where some are placed.

1. i BELIEVE this counts as an accessibility issue where longer links kinda trap shorter links, goes into misclicks to other pages in the site, etc. etc.  2. i don’t think. the search link should be under library personally ? Maybe make it its own category. 

Dev Tracker & Media could go under this category, possibly add separate links to forum, player, and dragon searches with updated formatting

Dressing Room and Scrying Workshop could go under the “Play” category 

Forums can be it’s own category with possible subcategories being: Announcements & News, Help Center, and Flight specific discussion forum, maybe more 

Library category could then just be: Which Waystone, World Map, Game Database, and Encyclopedia.

Support should be it’s own category.

One thing on the shop category, and i hesitate to say this because im not CONFIDENT on this one, but I’m not sure Custom Skins exactly fits? or at least, it should be Purchase Gems -> Marketplace -> Custom Skins, not between crossroads and festive favors

Merch should probably go under purchase gems, and they should maybe uhh..... i guess change the name for it overall? because 1. “merch” alone does NOT look good with its placement, 2. its another actual money purchase thing and I think those should go on the same page

Along with that, in putting merch under that page, they could put previews of the merch with a button to go purchase instead of immediately going to their merch site (which to begin with it should open in a new tab if its going to a separate site?!!)

then this is a mix of both not liking it on laptop OR mobile, 

[ID: A cropped image of Flight Rising’s Clan Home page. The Bestiary link has a bright red box highlighting it]

Obviously these pages are old, but the graphics need to be updated, and there needs to be graphics for every link in the category-- seeing with this category alone there isn’t a graphic for the Bestiary already. On top of this they need to be in link order preferably. if they had a normal dropdown menu for mobile, mobile users wouldn’t be able to access the bestiary unless FR wanted to be STUPID and do further dropdown menus w their 200 links which would be STUPID and CLUTTERED

also in my opinion the Messages link isn’t necessary since we have the button at the top. If they put it there as an excuse for accessibility, they can just. add text to the buttons. like here’s a scuffed mockup but. 

[ID: Screenshot of Flight Rising’s Messages, Friend Requests, and Alerts icons edited to have Messages, Friends, and Alerts written next to the icons]

for the friends tab, they could prolly add friend requests at the top like they do for baldwin alerts, then have an online status thing for friends below with buttons to PM, trade, delete friend, etc. I think you’re already able to disable the online status thing with page visibility? but like, make those options separate if you dont wanna block off your entire page, but dont want to be seen online.

For mobile, they can just make the icons bigger.

then. i THINK. last thing on laptop site. 

[ID: A screenshot of Flight Rising’s Social Media links with old Logos to YouTube, Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, and DeviantArt]

update these fucking icons they are personally killing me, none of these logos are in use anymore (ALSO UPDATE THE TUMBLR THEME JESUS CHRIST)

ok now for mobile. what this post was originally for.

-

as you all know, if you visit this site on mobile, there is literally no form of a mobile version for it. It is just a condensed version of the computer version of the site which is...Very Bad! 

Most of a sites visitors are going to be through mobile, i forget the exact percentage, but like it’s almost a given that people more readily have their phones with them than their laptop or tablet (which. im not going to bother with the tablet version, you can apply both computer and mobile criticisms to the site). in fact a lot of my time on FR is through mobile since I’m not at home 24/7 and I don’t tote my laptop around. Playing this game through it’s mobile site is Not Fun! 

I like, won’t be too pissy or anything bc like. it’s a petsite and I’m making this post for fun. but also like it was made in 2014? 2013? so I’m not going to be u kno. angry. but it nearing the point of ten years with this site and there still isn’t a mobile friendly version. that is lazy. If anything, if they wanted a site update to be the anniversary thing, they should’ve made that update be

Mobile update as primary thing, because designing the site for mobile is a shit ton of work with the amt of pages they have to work through.

Dragon Profile page update (*LOUD SIGH*)

Clan page update

Hoard update (i have thoughts on this too but i wont dive into it this post)

Purchase Gems page update

Dev Tracker update

Forums update

“but that’s a lot to update” well. that wouldve made the anniversary being a website update considerably more worth it, because in my opinion having the dragon profile pages be the ONLY thing to happen during the anniversary was a waste and a bad decision, because other website updates are just. normal whatever updates. it made the anniversary SUPER underwhelming especially bc the past ones (to my knowledge) have only been major game mechanic updates like the eye & ancients update and i believe? the color wheel expansion was an anniversary thing? someone can correct me on that I haven’t played this game as long as most LMAO

as for how i personally would situate the mobile site. shitty graphic time, bc im not putting too much effort into this (warning this will be LONG)

[ID: Image 1. A crudely put together screenshot of the top half of a Mobile View of Flight Rising with comments on either side. It ends with the Latest News segments “Riot of Rot” and “Hoard & Vault Revamp”

Comment 1, Left side: “no banner make it a solid color that matches the burger menu. size the logo correctly etc. Comment 2, Right side: “burger menu w ONLY the categories, goes to the homepages of the categories” Comment 3, Right side: “TWO latest news posts, maybe a button to go see earlier news (which may b something to add to comp too)” Comment 4, Right side: “center dates and comments maybe idfk”

At the bottom of the image there is an added “button” that says “more updates button”]

[ID: Image 2. The bottom half of the mobile view with comments on the left side. There is a put together white box that has the Plague Flight Logo and “plage dom !” written in it. Below it are the Site Status, Random Dragon, and Exalt Bonuses boxes from the site. Underneath that is a red box with “ad space” in the center, with a red footer at the bottom.

The footer contains, “social media! (specifally made icons for site)”, “better formatted links”, and “copyright”.

Comment 1: “idk what they would caption it but the flashy can go here.” Comment 2: “ONE site status update if they keep this format” Comment 3: “probably center these links. i dont know what they use to build the site but im sure you can make icons for social media on just about anything unless this is all handcoded. just. make small icons it takes two seconds and you can copy+paste”]

i dont even want to THINK about how the lair and all that would look on mobile, it was a chore doing the home page alone SOBS

anyways, in ref to these images though--

this is just slapped together and definitely wouldn’t be a final draft, it could use some tweaking

the flashy i refer to is the box that’s above the user box that says what flight is in dom, what festival is going on, etc.

when i mention building the site and “you can make icons for social media on just about anything” im referring to wordpress, wix, whatever is used to format the site. I really only have experience with wordpress thru elementor and divi (so far) so im not CERTAIN about other places but I feel it would be pretty common to have that tool. if not, making icons (or snatching some) is rlly not that hard, probably only costly depending on what their webdesigner(s) charge for icons

I’m not like certain on who does what, how the webdesigner(s) work with/price this site, etc. etc. this is just. going off of my own knowledge. and in general this whole post is my own knowledge abt shit i did no further research to FRs team specifically 

i think this is basically it, i’ll reblog with more if i think of anything, but feel free to add things yourself or in general discuss things. again this post was made for fun so im not taking it seriously or demanding for these changes to be made, just personal annoyances and preferences.

This is also my first time doing picture IDs for a post so if I need to correct anything or the like let me know and I’ll edit it in the post!

[kagszzy]

Tag Game

Tagged by @riverdaledreaming, @crashhale and @cherryliqueurkinks 💕

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? black.

2. name a food you never eat: bologna

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? I was still in bed because it’s another rainy morning for me and I just didn’t want to leave my cozy cocoon haha

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? kitkats!

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Once, against my will, when I was a kid lol 😂 

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? (I haven’t spoken out loud yet since waking up lol XD)

8. what is your favorite ice cream? regarding flavor- I like all sorts! Pistachio, Vanilla, Black Cherry, Cookies n Cream. As for brand? hmm can’t say that I have a favorite, but I dislike Eddy’s because the container always seems to just deteriorate once you uncap the lid.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? I’m having coffee right now! with vanilla creamer

10. do you like your wallet? (so random, lol) and sorta. I like the way it opens and has double zippers on the side, along with a pouch for my phone. But I hate the brand.

11. what is the last thing you ate? Last night I had shrimp alfredo with baked potatoes and brussel sprouts.

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? UGH don’t get me started! I tried to place an online order for some clothes and the stupid browser kept refreshing. So now I have a charge for an order that quite possibly doesn’t even exist?? I’m waiting on customer service to reply back to my email. 

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? hmmm had to have been the superbowl from a year ago..

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? butter, nothing else! Can’t stand sweet popcorn, yuck!

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister. She sent me this old, cringy photo from what I can only guess is the early days of myspace/facebook of this girl who heavily edited herself and has a 1 inch waist and torpedo hips. It’s really funny looking actually LOL

16. ever been camping? No, but I like the idea of camping! Unfortunately my rational fear AND hate of bugs is what keeps me from going. I would totally be that ‘person’ to go camping in an RV or at some special Hotel/Resort honestly LOL OR, I heard people do some early winter camping, when all the bugs are dead so if anything, I’d prob do that.

17. do you take vitamins? no, but I really should. I keep buying the damn things and then forget to take them.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? nope

19. do you have a tan? nope! My friend in HS once said I looked like a ‘porcelain doll’ during the winter. Probably didn’t help that I always wore all black back then haha.

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? ugh, so hard to decide! I can’t handle cheese, but damn if i don’t love a pepperoni pizza! Whereas with chinese I love egg rolls and fried shrimp, but the grease upsets my stomach too lol

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? Not really? Only if it’s offered to me if I go out.

22. what color socks do you usually wear? hmm black or grey I guess? But I mostly like wearing the ‘low’ ones. The kind that you wear with slip ons so it looks like you aren’t wearing any socks lol

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? I don’t drive :)

24. what terrifies you? This is just too vague to answer, so I’m gonna change it to what animal terrifies me - centipedes.

25. look to your left, what do you see? couch cushions LOL

26. what chore do you hate most? probably organizing my desk because no matter what, it always ends up as a mess once again. 

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? I think it’s delightful! I used to really like this one YouTuber who was from Australia and I would catch myself quoting his catchphrases from time to time.

28. what’s your favorite soda? hmm I like Inca Kola

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Depends, but sometimes drive thru is what you need.

30. what’s your favorite number? uhh, I’ll go with 4 bc that’s my birth day.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? in person? my mom.

32. favorite meat? steak

33. last song you listened to? I don’t really listen to ‘songs’ that much anymore. I just put on a low-fi compliation on YT and get my work done with that.

34. last book you read? jeez, this is embarrassing but I just can’t seem to finish any books that I start now. I really only remember finishing HP back when the final book was released. I know I read other stuff after for college, but they aren’t as memorable.

35. favorite day of the week? hmm Wednesday!

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? No way lol

37. how do you like your coffee? light and sweet and with flavor! Like, vanilla or hazelnut, or maybe some caramel.

38. favorite pair of shoes? Right now it’s these simple slip-ons from Target. But gotta go with the classic Converse for regular wear and pretty much any kind of combat boot for fall/winter.

39. time you normally get up? anywhere between 6-9am. Usually around 6 or 7 though.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrise! 

41. how many blankets are on your bed? two; my comforter and my throw

42. describe your kitchen plates? uh, well my mom loves to hoarde, so I’m stuck with a lot of mismatched iitems haha.

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: in serious need of work.

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? not really, I’m not really a drinker. But I guess I’ll go for the fruity/sweet stuff because of this.

45. do you play cards? nope.

46. what color is your car? Don’t have a car.

47. can you change a tire? nope because I don’t have car lol

48. your favorite state or province? I really can’t say. We traveled to Niagra Falls, Michigan, Pennsylvania, D.C. Growing up in the city makes visiting more ‘rural’ towns a bit overwhelming sometimes lol Like when you encounter really nice townsfolk and it just takes you by surprise because you are so used to ‘city folk attitudes’ haha.

[theseadagiodays]

May 4, 2020

This is Not a Performance

Irving H Bolano’s incredible repurposed newspaper fashion for the Met Gala Challenge on Twitter #HFMetGala2020

May the Fourth be With You as you reach the next chapter of this current sci-fi drama we seem to be living through.   As the saying goes, reality can be stranger than fiction.   But it just happens to be a many red-eyed virus rather than an evil, black-masked father that we’re fighting as we all walk around like Storm Troopers.  

There are so many aspects of our lives, during Covid, which make it feel like we are actors in a make-believe story.   First of all, we’ve all become movie stars, with our faces, homes, and even pets showcased on our own silver screens.  As isolated as we are, our private lives now play out in the public sphere more than ever - no paparazzi required.    For some, this invasion of privacy is unwelcomed. But for many people, it satisfies a secret longing to share themselves with a wider audience.  After all, deep down, everyone wants to be seen and heard (I guess, me included, since I have this blog, after all).  It’s why TikTok and YouTube and Facebook have become multi-billion dollar companies so quickly.  And now, while this pandemic is a harsh daily reminder of the impermanence of all things, it makes sense that these digital missives are an attempt to seek immortality, in some strange way.

As someone whose work responds to human’s need to have a voice, I truly get why this is the case.  And I love that this time has turned housewives into opera stars, and health care workers into hip hop dancers, and housepets into circus performers. But, at the same time, I have become very aware of the masks that we wear, even inside our homes, to portray a certain self to the world that may stray quite far from our authentic selves.  The expression “dance like no one is watching” acknowledges the fact that we all tend to perform when we have an audience, and perhaps we’re only truly ourselves when we don’t.   I understand that the way we “perform” ourselves online gives each of us a chance to reinvent the fictions we want our stories to have.   So, while I surely take some guilty pleasure from intimate glimpses into strangers’ lives, I also do so with a certain skepticism about the veracity of what I’m seeing.  

This became particularly true for me when I received a recent link from my friend and amazing singer/songwriter, Dominique Fricot. Capitalizing on this current trend of oversharing, he cleverly asked his fans to film their morning routines for the music video of his new song, Wake Up, by his duo, Flora Falls.  Dom’s warm tenor voice blended with his partner’s breathy tones feel just like a lazy morning in bed.  But I’ll leave it up to you to decide just how accurate these portrayals of people’s idyllic daytime rituals actually are.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EbsqXou5FeY

May 5, 2020

Homeschool Heroes

About twenty years ago,  I was invited to adjudicate a youth music competition in the Yukon.  Travelling to one of the northernmost inhabited spots on earth, I imagined that my greatest surprise might have been a polar bear or Northern Lights sighting.  But it turned out to be something entirely different.  Among the 25,000 residents of the thriving metropolis of Whitehorse exists a treasure trove of talent.  I could not believe the incredibly honed skills and nuanced expression with which these 11-18 year-olds played.   Wondering why, I developed a theory that I now call SLoW: Sheltered Living Wonder.  When long, dark days, cold climates or pandemics force people indoors, they tend to spend inordinate amounts of time on creative endeavors and skill development.  In other words, they slow down and take time for wonder.

This theory has surely applied during these past few months of sheltering in place.   One of the most remarkable examples has been the inventiveness that many of my friends have brought to their first attempts with homeschooling.   So, I wanted to give a few shout outs to some of these Homeschool Heroes and the highly imaginative projects they’ve done with their kids.

Stunning Easter Eggs made from natural materials and dye, by my friend Jane Cox and her kids  (Botany lesson)

Candy Covid virus, made by Amelia, my friend Jen Sanke’s daughter, as she learned about the virus’ proteins (Biology lesson)

But perhaps the prize for most complex homeschool project has to go to my architect friend, Bryn Davidson, who upon returning from Australia, in late March, had to fully quarantine for 2-weeks.  So, with his 5-year old son Bei as helper, this Physics lesson allowed him to enjoy home delivery beer while in isolation.  Just brilliant!

https://youtu.be/FF9-2dWoUtc

May 6, 2020

Living in livestream

So today, 5 million British Columbian’s awaited our “sentence” with baited breath, as word spread that our provincial prime minister would deliver the Re-Open BC plan at 3 pm.   I have to admit, it felt a bit like when you were “grounded” as an adolescent and then your parents returned certain privileges to you.  Of course, I’m well aware that our province has already been far more licentious than many places around the globe.  We’ve been fortunate to maintain reasonably low numbers of infection (just over 2,000), with counts as low as 8 new cases per day, at this point. So, while our provincial parks closed, our beaches never did.  While we were encouraged, within a reasonable range of home, to be active outdoors, we were not restricted to walks only within the 100 metre radius of our house, as my Israeli friends were.  And while we could still shop at gardening and furniture stores, to make sheltering at home more enjoyable, New Zealanders had nothing but grocery stores and pharmacies open, for two months.  

I have sensed the gratitude my fellow Vancouverites have felt about these privileges.  But that does not mean that we aren’t still anxious to return to other aspects of living which we’ve missed.  When lockdown began, ominously on the Ides of March (the 15th), I’d harboured a secret hope that certain restrictions might be lifted on my birthday (exactly two months later).  And it turns out that Phase Two of the BC ReOpen plan will commence on May 19th, just 4 days later than I’d hoped.  What I most look forward to experiencing again are small gatherings with friends, (we’ll soon be allowed to socialize in public with up to 10 people); meals inside certain restaurants and pubs (those that are able to function within WorkPlace BC’s safety regulations); visits to registered massage therapists; and hugs with select people, (”using one’s own ‘risk assessment’.”)

But in the long-range plan, the harsh reality for artists has been laid out, as Phase Four (which includes resuming large-venue concerts, conventions, and international travel) can not occur until either a vaccine has been developed, an effective treatment plan is widely available, or herd immunity is achieved.  And this is not estimated to occur until mid-2021 or later.  So, the prospects are still bleak for symphony orchestras, opera and dance companies, artists who perform in crowded bars, or musicians who travel for arena shows and festivals.  This likely means that in order to satisfy audiences’ need to access live performance, and for artists to continue to share their creativity,  livestream formats will still have to persist for some time.  Therefore, I thought I’d share a few regular weekly livestream arts events here, both from Vancouver, LA & NY.

Canadian National Live Art Champion, Dmitri Sirenko, who we featured at our non-profit’s annual benefit on February 20th, 2020

Every Monday Night at 7 pm PST (Vancouver) Poetry Slam: https://www.facebook.com/Vancouverpoetryslam/

Every Thursday at 5 pm PST (LA): LIVE Art Battles - Watch painters do their magic in just 20 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWJoWGVwzGtk99nTOCib9vg

Every Thursday at 8 pm EST (NY): Spotlight on Plays - famous actors perform readings of theatre pieces, online: https://www.broadwaysbestshows.com/post/the-best-of-series/

May 7, 2020

Collateral Blessings

So many thoughtful writers are adding to the discourse, as we all strive to make meaning from what can feel like a senseliess time.  I have so appreciated the abundance with which people are sharing these missives, right now.  Every day, bursts of inspiration or flickers of insight come my way, thru texts, emails and Facebook.  Like adventurers, traveling together thru the dark of night, we shine light on guideposts, anywhere we can find them, as we collectively quench each other’s thirst for wisdom.  

One of the most profound writings I‘ve recently discovered came from a stranger’s blog.  In The Examined Family, Courtney Martin, without ever diminishing the gravity of the havoc that this virus has wreaked, writes about some of the assets that have also come out of this time.  New friendships with neighbors.  A long-neglected puzzle completed with her kids.   The time to draw and truly notice an artichoke in her back garden. My good friend Juan calls these collateral blessings.  This reference to the accidental gifts that this cruel virus has given us, is a beautiful twist on “collateral damage”, a term coined to explain accidental friendly-fire deaths during the Gulf War.  Commenting on the anticipatory nostalgia that she projects she will feel about certain things, once this time has passed, Courtney writes:

“I instantly feel overwhelmed at the prospect of schedules and stuff. I don’t want to go back to our former accumulation or frenetic pace. I don’t want to stop texting (my neighbor) my little triumphs. I don’t want to forget about the artichokes in the garden. I don’t ever want to forget this happened--the grief and the beauty of it. I’m not even sure that will be possible, but if it were, I wouldn’t want it. I don’t want to vote like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to eat like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to consume like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to schedule like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to mother or daughter or befriend or neighbor like it didn’t happen. I don’t want to sit inside this little life, noticing and appreciating and breathing, like it didn’t happen. There is unnecessary suffering all around me, and inside of me, too, but there is also necessary meaning. May we hold on to that.”      

You can read her full entry here: https://courtney.substack.com/p/unnecessary-suffering-and-necessary?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjo3OTg0NDcyLCJwb3N0X2lkIjozNzU1NDMsIl8iOiJCTnk2VyIsImlhdCI6MTU4NzA1MjgyMCwiZXhwIjoxNTg3MDU2NDIwLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItMjA5MjIiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.puI9NMne-783ypInpvTkJ96T237WcrTo2ItDhqlkMiY

May 8, 2020

Nostalgia

I’m rarely one prone to nostalgia.  My childhood photo albums are in storage.  I have no family heirlooms displayed in my home.  My tendency is to revel in the present or dream about the future.  But this pandemic has strangely turned me into a sentimental fool.  Perhaps this return to simpler times, where we seldom shop, where we wander mostly by foot, or where we get to know our neighbors better, makes us long for the past in certain ways.  

For me, I’ve honored this by resurrecting my daily teenage Twizzler habit - a candy I’ve rarely eaten since then, but that now feels so satisfying during my Netflix & Chill evenings (while watching films almost as old like Groundhog Day & Anchorman).  

I’m also listening a lot to Old School Hip Hop, where the explative-free rhymes of the 90’s feel so strangely innocent.  It’s refreshing to listen to these musicians spit verses that merely celebrate the joys of dance and rap, rather than ranting about gun violence and other societal ills.  Run DMC It’s Tricky (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0) and Beastie Boys Body Movin’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvRBUw_Ls2o) happen to be personal favorites.  

Last month, I was tickled by an old memory while planting a lilac bush in my backyard.  I suddenly remembered a story about my college boyfriend, whom I hadn’t thought of in 30 years.  Our relationship started a bit secretively, so as not to hurt his ex’s feelings.  So, one May afternoon, we snuck away to a distant park that was hosting a Lilac Festival.  Unfortunately, our ruse was quickly spoiled when a candid photo of our picnic under the purple blooms was plastered all over the front page of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle the next morning.  

Another sweet memory returned in culinary form. Every Tuesday, for 7 years, my mother selflessly drove me an hour from home and back, for my flute lesson.  And to break up the long drive, we regularly stopped at Bickford’s Pancake House for my favorite adolescent treat: breakfast for dinner. Their specialty was the Dutch Baby Apple.  And I finally made my first homemade attempt at this deceptively easy delicacy, last Tuesday.  

This has also been a time to return to bedtime stories (some I’ve read to friends’ kids, and others for adults to hear.)  The Great Realisation by British performance artist, Tom Foolery, has been making the social media rounds. But in case you missed this touching tale that looks back on this time as if the tale is being told in a not-so-distant future, it’s a wistful story about some aspects of modern life that we may never long for in the future:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw5KQMXDiM4

[freckliedan]

ayyee den!! airports, preshow playlist, gtpwtw, and memories :)

hi leo!!! ty for the ask!!!

airports: how many countries have you traveled to?I’ve been to canada a few times-I was born in michigan so we visited ontario sometimes when i was a little kid? i don’t really remember that very well but i do remember driving through british columbia & yukon on our way to alaska bc when we moved here we drove &.. as a seven year old that’s the most boring thing in the entire world fdskjldsk. 

i also was a part of people to people international’s student ambassador program when i was 13? & i was like.. 100% offline then, but i did go on a trip thru england, ireland, scotland and wales for 19 days in the summer of 2009 & in conclusion i think that just being in the same country as dnp when they became facebook friends was enough to turn me into the giant lesbian i am today due to proximity 2 their gay energies. 

preshow playlist: one song that reminds you of dnpthere’s so many oh my god but i haven’t really been able to stop listening to one direction since seeing ii a month ago in la and while 18 is a song that like. fucking makes me cry sometimes bc it also reminds me so completely of me & my gf? amber @freckliephil and i were talking the other day & she told me that ready to run by 1d is the current, 2018 mood for dan and phil bc it really does seem like they might be coming out at some point not long after the tour and i just.. im a mess. i’m also working on making a 2009 playlist n thats fun & also ruining my lifee

gtpwtw: how long have you been a fan of dnpsince.. 2012? i looked it up the other day and i very first watched a video on november 27th that year, which i know bc my now-girlfriend-then-just-becoming-friends-ex-nemesis emailed me dan’s i will go down with this ship video then! which means i joined the fandom less than a month after the vday leak but not directly bc of the leak so.. honestly an incredibly messy time. i was engaged w the fandom on deviantart in 2012 and 2013, it was my main fandom & kind of my introduction to fandom? & then like rejection sensitive dysphoria & life stuff kind of steered me away frm having dnp as my main fandom for like.. a while? but i never stopped being fully demon in my heart, and i made this blog in april & i’m so so so happy that i did. i have another older tumblr that i’ve had since 2013 but having a blog just dedicated to dnp feels so nice & like.. being in the community is overall so good? my year has been so fucking incredible since starting to meet ppl & have friends through dnp? so thanks 2 amber for convincing me to take the plunge n make this blog honestly.

but yeah i’ve been here since 2012, dnp proved to me that love was real after my parents’ divorce, i realized the other day that i saw the first radio show live and i had no idea what to do with that information but my heart is so full of happiness n pride for dnp at how good they’re doing this year, thank u so much for asking me this question i didn’t even realize i had this much to say?

memories: what is your happiest memoryi have a few that are tied? i have a million soft happy memories with my gf, our love is. the exact same kind of love as dan and phil’s like i believe in soulmates bc of them but also me & my gf,,,, but my happiest memories?

one of the best memories would be like, so, for backstory? my girlfriend and i wrote and produced a musical out of spite at our old highschool during her senior year/the year after i graduated, and that includes like, being the teachers of a class full of  other students between the ages of 11-18? and we did the entire thing in about a year entirely on our own, so just? hugging in the lobby after the opening night show ended with the incandescent and impossible sense of we did that and knowing it was just the beginning for us? was incredible. it’s incomparable to anything in the world. 

a 2nd happiest memory is being in portland for a week in may 2017 with my best friend miles, and getting to meet amber @freckliephil & piper @asterlark after about a year of talking online? they’re my soulmates in a friend way and even though i’ve only had the chance to spend time with them in person during 3 periods of time in the last year and a half it feels more right to be where they are than to be in a different state than them it’s like. more calm and natural and relaxing to be in the same space? like, idk, i need to be alone to unwind sometimes but they’re some of the few people in the world i can be alone with and still calm down/recharge.

& a 3rd happiest memory is the 4 days i spent traveling to see ii this summer, i flew to portland & stayed w amber & piper for a night (& got my septum pierced bc i was doing my best to be living my truth to make dnp proud) & then we all flew to LA met a bazillion people from our gc and just? from meeting @plateho at the airport to seeing dnp live and literally full body sobbing when welcome to the black parade played right before the show (bc i knew every single person there including dnp backstage were probably all feeling the same exact overwhelming happiness and excitement please forgive me im a pisces rising We Just Cry) to staying up until literally 4:20am smoking weed & having conversations & just.. living for the moment? i’ve been a better happier more assertive version of myself since that week and i really, really like the new me. so. yeah. 

i’d have to say those 3 are tied pretty dang thoroughly. 

[yourmoonmomma]

https://yourmoonmomma.tumblr.com/post/683235105540587520/gurl-u-dated-even-30-ppl-how-did-u-go-thru-each ITS NOT A WANT LOVE ITS A NEED??????? cause i am nosey too lol 👀💀 and to be honest your life SEEMS very intresting to me

LMAO BET my life isn't nearly assssss interesting as it seems though (at least, in my opinion LOL)

Okay, I THINK I actually dated about 12 people, before Jayson? I might be forgetting some people though 😅😅

Noah - Kindergarten. Because of course I had a kindergarten bf lol. We "dated" thru to grade 1 or 2, and then his parents switched him to a private christian school and we "broke up" at that point. But in kindergarten I was like "yea we're gonna get married and have 8 kids :)" and I used to have like genuine panic attacks because my parents only had like 4 chairs (maybe 6) and that wasn't enough for us and our 8 kids!! Anyway I obviously didn't care when we broke up because we were like 6 lol.

Owen - grade 4-5. We used to walk around the track all the time at recess, which is what "dating" was back then lol. And we'd do the tango and his version of ballroom dancing each school dance. And afterwards I'd always have to step outside because I thought he was gross and sweaty lol. To this day he also says he used to share his sardines with me, but I don't... think that's true lol. Anyway, halfway through grade 5 he walked around the track with Ivy, which was the childhood version of cheating, and I yelled at him and her in the middle of the yard and we broke up, and didn't talk for 3 years. I have old diaries FULL of me ranting abt Ivy "ruining" my relationship.

Evan - grade 5 or 6. This one doesn't really count lol, but I'm counting it for funsies. One of his friends asked if I was interested in him & wanted to date him, and I said oh sure. And then 3 days later, after my attempts to communicate to my "bf" he was like "we aren't actually dating, I'm not interested in you ://" and I didn't realize I was being made fun of, so I was just like oh OK! Because I didn't care at all lol.

William - grade 6. Him and I dated through grade 6, and then he moved an hour away the summer after. He didn't break up with me, he just stopped answering my Facebook messages and changed HIS RELATIONSHIP STATUS TO SINGLE. When I found it, I was super humiliated. And mad at him.

Abbe - grade 8. We dated when I came out, because I was the only out queer person in our school. We dated for about 2 weeks, and then she told my friend to tell me that she was breaking up with me, because I didn't give her enough attention. My friend told me, and I said okay, and just kept doing what I was doing (eating snow or something). Abbe later comes up to me and was like "um didn't Morgan tell you? I've broken up with you." And I was like yea I heard. And she's like "and??" And I was like "and... I don't... care??" And then she called me mean and stormed off crying.

???? - grade 8 or 9. I dated a girl online for a while, and I can't remember her name or anything about her. BUT I was experiencing a gender crisis, and didn't know, so I was pretending to be a boy and catfishing her, to see how I felt abt it. This may have even been grade 6 or 7 maybe, trying to figure my sexuality out. But eventually I felt bad for lying and blocked her on everything. And now I never think abt it except for like... when asked abt exes lol

Okay I don't wanna have a HUGE post here LOL so please lemme know if you wanna hear about the other 6!!!

[softboywriting]

Y’all need to know something that’s going on with me right now. I’m making this post in your best interest because I feel like it’s important that other writers and bloggers who follow me should know. If you follow or contact the user ironfurycollector, they are not an honest person and faked their own death to me. 

Okay so I started talking to her in September and it was great. both Shawn fans and she loved my fics. we exchanged a few pics, and we talked about our lives a little bit from time to time. but i started to wonder why she never posted anything on her blog, only liked everything. no big deal. some people just dont reblog a lot. 

then there was some outtake pics she bought that she was gonna email to me and when she sent them they were from her ‘brother’s email. she said something about hers being hacked a while back. now the question is, why not just make a new one? it takes ten seconds. (this email fiasco can be backed up by another trusted friend, more to come on this.) 

it was a red flag but i ignored it and moved on. we talked more and more about shawn and my fics. (side note: some time in December she sent me a pic that her friend recently took but she was in a hoodie and a puffy coat, it’s dead ass summer in AUS rn. NOT coat weather. i mentioned this in the chat but she just moved on to another topic) but then i started getting really suspicious after she entered this relationship with her brother’s best friend. see, it was too perfect, too ‘fic’ like but i just went with it cuz it was interesting and maybe he was this good and i was a sucker for it.

but then it just got over the top. the stories, the details, it just was too much for a first time relationship and the guy/her being only 18-19 years old. 

so at one point he supposedly left a little scavenger hunt of notes around her place when she fell asleep and he had to leave. this was only a week or two into their relationship. pretty unbelievable. so then shes sending me pics of the little riddle notes for her scavenger hunt and the handwriting changed half way thru. also, one of the pics there was a guy’s leg in the pic. and she lied to me and said it was a fake one her brother pranked her with on Halloween. well. i called her on that, asking for a pic of it and she fessed up to lying saying ‘she was embarrassed cuz she couldn't figure out the clues and she had her friend Bradley come over to help her’. which, honestly sure i’d buy but why lie? and how fast did he get there? smells fishy.

moving on. i was confused cuz she said her friend was named Bradley. well. that was also the name on the ‘brother’s email’ she was using. i called her on this. she said they are both Bradley and she calls her brother B. I was iffy. What are the chances. Honestly. 

At this time i called her out and told her i thought she was cat fishing me. and asked to see a pic of her with the notes from the scavenger hunt. which she took forever to send a pic, making up the excuse of being in the bathroom, and they getting dressed but finally did. it appeared she was holding the notes but idk tbh. (in all her pics shes sent it’s clearly the same girl)

Fast forward and she has this wild weekend with her now boyfriend/ brother’s best friend. like so much sex. it’s literally impossible how long they supposedly went and how many times her boyfriend supposedly came. it was just too wild and for her claiming to be a virgin, it was too much and he, being a supposedly 18yr old was way too experienced sounding. seriously. it was like a fic.

so like i asked for a pic of her boyfriend cuz supposedly he’s so shawn like and shit and all i’ve seen was this one generic pic of him (god knows where that came from) and she can’t get any on facebook and blah blah. now i asked several times for pics of this boy (shes with him all the time) but she always had an excuse. always. 

at this point im just so suspicious she’s lying about everything. now her boyfriend is going off for a sports camp thing for a month in the US. shes sad. okay. but then about two days later she says she has some family drama and won’t be available for a few days. im like okay. shit happens.sure. 

she tells her best friend ‘Bradley’ to message me on tumblr so i wouldn’t be lonely. so he had to make a tumblr cuz ‘he just used hers to read your fic’. so im like okay sure. well. while i talked to him i noticed he speaks, types, has the same exact quirks as her. i mean so specifically the same. i use lmao a lot, too much perhaps. and she started using it too cuz we talked all the time, you pick things up from people. but for this guy, whom ive never spoken with and i assume would have their own quirks and way of speaking, to be the exact same is super fishy to me. 

so a few days later she texts me (i have her cell # and have since just after the boyfriend thing started) and shes like saying that she’s not in AUS anymore and that her boyfriend just COULDNT be with out her and paid for a flight to come stay with him for a week in the US while he’s doing his sport thing. Not sure where an 18 year old boy gets money like that let alone how she was staying with him, specially if he was on an exchange program for a school function. red flag. im suspicious. 

so then she says ‘oh its so boring here all day with out him cuz hes at camp for sports” and im like thinking well....you could text me all day or message me on tumblr but you don’t? doesn't make sense. so when i get a chance to talk to her, she says shes heading home soon. and i ask what the family drama was and she says something about her aunt. and i dont remember how it came up but i asked about her living situation back home. cuz previously she’d sent me stuff about living with a roommate but now she was saying she lived with her brother. so i asked. and she said she lives at home but her parents have been away for a while but they just came back and then there was drama with her aunt. like, what? that just didn’t make sense to me at all. she never mentioned moving or anything and always said she lived with her brother (never mentioned parents ever before and also where the fuck would they be for so long??). (also side note, when we first started talking she said she had a horse/pony and his name was Waffles i think and she loved him so much and was always out there with him. never ever heard about this again. ever.)

so here’s the point where i am just done with this and i have a bad feeling and i can’t ignore it anymore. she tells me her boyfriend will be back soon and i should go talk to Bradley about my concept i wanted to tell her about. i told her im not as comfortable talking to him about it cuz it’s not the same. she insists. and then...she calls him Larry. and im like what? who? and she tells me this story how that’s his nickname cuz her mom would call them that when she got mad when they were kids. (that makes no sense) and she called him that since he beat up some guy for her in high school (still makes no sense and now im absolutely done with this not adding up shit) also this whole time ‘Bradley’ hasn’t been on for a day or two. and suddenly as soon as i say goodbye to her. he’s suddenly online. Fishy.

I decide not to talk and i block him to see what happens. nothing happens. so now i decide to take this story to a friend on here who i trust a lot. she tells me to block her and see what happens. see if she notices. a day later and she’s supposed to be home from the US and back in AUS. i get a text, something about a car accident on the way home from the airport. I don’t respond. 

at this point my trusted friend mentions a user randomly contacting her and sending her outtakes in exchange for writing a oneshot a while back. and that the email was weird and ‘fishy’ and ‘from her brothers email.’ low and behold. it’s the same person i’ve been talking to. and she told my trusted friend that she got the pics ‘from her friend’ when she told me should bought them (with what money idk cuz they were expensive $80-$100 per sets and yet she was complaining about bring broke??) 

I go on with my blogging and writing. next day. she doesn't text me. another day and she sends something along the lines of “hope you’re okay i noticed you haven’t been active.” I don’t respond because I want to see if she notices I've blocked her and asks me about it. 

another day passes. 

I don’t get any messages about being blocked, or asking what’s going on or why can’t she see my tumblr, etc. Things that an actual person and normal friend would probably be sending texts about far more frequently than just one or two texts.

so then i get a text today from her cell that says this

which i don’t believe for one second. so i take it to my trusted friend. and she tells me that she has liked a few of her posts since last night. oh. really. blogging from the grave huh? So i ask my trusted friend to message her. to see if she replies. and low and behold:

I’m honestly pissed off and hurt. I called this person my friend. I grew to trust this person and share my days/stories/ideas with them. I have no idea how much is true of what she’s ever told me. I have no idea if she is a real person or another person pretending. But even if all the other stuff that I was iffy on and sent up red flags for me were somehow bizarre truths, this text is a lie. She faked her own death and I am calling her out on this. Because I won’t be friend with a person like this. And I highly suggest no one is because this is wrong and sick. 

[whywishesarehorses]

Limitless - 2021 Pacific Crest Trail Ride Through

3 days ago, on April 7th, Jess Goodlett started the ride of her dreams - a 2,650 mile ride of the entirety of the Pacific Crest Trail, border to border. She is attempting this ride alone, with two BLM mustangs she has trained herself. Jess is part of the Limitless team, a group of women going on various adventures to prove that the things women can accomplish in pursuit of their dreams are Limitless. This ride is fantastic, and Jess is still sourcing financial support. She has venmo, PayPal, and merch set up if you are interested in helping out!

This is similar in spirit to the idea of Unbranded, and Jess has been in contact with some of that team for advice.

Below I've shared a blog post she wrote discussing the trip and her plans! Under a readmore because it's LONG.

Time to Make this Official.

Yes, the ride is on.

I am planning a thru-ride on the Pacific Crest Trail for 2021.

My name is Jess Goodlett. I am 25 years old, and I have been a part of Limitless since the beginning.

📷Photo of the Limitless group from 2017

People seem to say that I am pretty outgoing and adventurous. When I set my mind on a goal, I definitely become very determined to make it happen. Most of my family and friends were not too surprised when I dropped the news that I was going to continue the plan to attempt a thru-ride on the Pacific Crest Trail. This trail has been on my mind for years, and it was actually how Limitless got its start.

My trail name is Raindance (this is how I got my trail name), and these are my BLM Mustangs, Makani (10-year-old bay roan mare) and Malana (7-year-old chestnut mare).

Also, here is little Zendaya. She is too young to join in on the fun next year, but maybe she will get the chance to tag along in the near future.

📷Zendaya (Daya for short) is my youngest mustang. I hope that she will be able to join in our an adventure in a few years. She is only 3 right now, so she still has some growing to do.

Here [is a photo] of me from a few years back, when I was able to set foot on a small section of the Pacific Crest Trail. This is the moment that sparked up the passion for the trail again after dealing with nostalgia from the group’s ride on the Colorado Trail in 2017.

I had convinced my dad and uncle to drive a rental car up some narrow mountain roads just to be able to set foot on part of the Pacific Crest Trail near Big Bear Lake. It felt magical getting the chance to hike a very small section of the trail. It was like getting a small taste of a big dream. My time on the trail may have only lasted 30 minutes, but it made me realize that I was still very passionate about this trail even after my experience on the Colorado Trail.

📷Repping Limitless while dreaming of a thru-ride on the Pacific Crest Trail.

Making Plans

The plans have gone back and forth a few times, but the goal is to set out on trail in the Spring of 2021. For me, there are a lot of emotions tied in with this thu-ride. I am sure there will be a lot of time for reflection on the days leading up to the trail, including each and every day spent out there with my horses.

This is a big trek. Every time I look at the maps, I feel excited. Maybe a little nervous. But I am focused on what is ahead. The days are flying by fast, and I know the day that I head out to California will be here sooner than I can even imagine. A lot of my time right now is being spent with the horses, and any additional free time goes toward researching the trail.

Let’s talk about the trail.

📷Hike at Kendall Katwalk (part of the PCT) near Seattle, Washington near Snowqualmie Pass

What is the Pacific Crest Trail?

📷Map of the Pacific Crest Trail

The Pacific Crest Trail is a border to border trail that starts at the Mexican border and travels through California, Oregon, and Washington to the Canadian border. The trail is 2,650 miles long, and it is open to both hikers and equestrians.

There are only a handful of completed equestrian thru-rides that are documented. I am sure there are a few more that have gone unmentioned online, but to be honest, it is much more likely for people to plan a thru-hike along the Pacific Crest Trail. Us thru-riders are very few.

For those who may not know, a thru-hike or thru-ride is a long distance trail that is completed in one go (typically one season) – from one end of the trail to other end. This differs from section hiking where one may just complete small sections of the trail instead of the entire length. Though, what a thru-hike or thru-ride is for one person may differ slightly for another. Sometimes trail conditions during a certain year results in hikers or riders having to alter the original path on the trail to detour things like a fire or trail closure. But this does not take away from the fact that the trail was completed if they reach the end. As they say, hike your own hike, or in this situation – ride your own ride.

On the note of section hiking and riding, the Pacific Crest Trail is also a very popular option for those looking to just complete certain sections. According to the Pacific Crest Trail Association (PCTA), there are a total of 29 sections: 18 sections in California, 6 sections in Oregon, and 5 in Washington.

Elevation ranges greatly throughout the entire trail, along with a vast variety of terrain. The Pacific Crest Trail travels over many mountain passes and through many wilderness areas, national forests and parks.

More information can be found on the PCTA official website.

The Difficulties of Planning a Thru-Ride

Taking on a thru ride comes with a lot of its own types of challenges that hikers will not have to face. Adding in one or two horses on trail adds its own difficulty especially when it comes to the logistics.

As I am researching the trail, I am trying to answer questions such as: How are the water sources in this section? Where can I camp? Are there any grazing restrictions? Any trail concerns?

How will I resupply? Where are some places I may be able to pull the horses off trail to rest them? Who will be my emergency contacts? And the list goes on.

I cannot really plan too far ahead with any set plans, but one of my biggest obstacles will be the snow. Trail conditions can change daily, and I have no idea how the winter is going to look at this moment. Because of the length of the trail, some decisions will not be made until I am on trail. I expect many unplanned things to happen. That is just the way it is, and that is why the focus right now is to study and learn the trail as much as I can.

📷Photo of Makani from our 2017 ride on the Colorado Trail.

Why the Pacific Crest Trail?

It was 2013 when I first heard about the Pacific Crest Trail. I was actually scrolling through Facebook when I came across a post in an equestrian Facebook group where a few people were talking about long distance trails. The main topic was riding horses from coast to coast ,but then the Pacific Crest Trail was brought up in the discussion. It was the first time I had heard of an established border to border trail. I was very interested and after a few quick searches online, I quickly became obsessed with this trail and the idea of completing a border to border trail horseback.

Though, I knew I was not ready at that time to take on such a big adventure. I kept the idea stored away in my mind. It would sneak back into my thoughts every so often. When it did, I would spend hours researching this trail and looking for any information I could find for equestrians. I told myself that one day… one day, I would ride the Pacific Crest Trail.

It wasn’t until 2015, when I decided to reach out to some people about the trail. I talked with Gillian Larson, who had completed the trail horseback in 2014. She has been a big inspiration to me and to many others. Over the years, she has now completed the Pacific Crest Trail two times horseback. She has also completed the 800 mile Arizona Trail, the 500 mile Colorado Trail, and the 3,100 mile Continental Divide Trail, which is another border to border trail. (Seriously, check out her Instagram. Her photos and videos of the trails are absolutely breathtaking!)

I also spoke with Ben Masters of Unbranded who encouraged me to get out and “just do it.”

This is when I started to think about friends who may be interested in riding with me. Initially, I reached out to Devan Horn about riding a border to border trail. Devan was the first person I ever thought of to even contact about a thru-ride. She is adventurous and possibly the only person I knew at the time who would have been up for such a challenge. I mentioned to her that I was interested specifically in riding the Pacific Crest Trail. We talked briefly about a long distance trek, and we told each other that we would keep in touch.

A few months passed, when Ragan Kelly reached out to me about a long distance trail. She had spoken with Devan who had mentioned my name to her. Ragan knew a few more people interested in a thru-ride, and that is how Limitless began.

Now, the Pacific Crest Trail is a much longer trail than what my friends and I rode in 2017 with the Colorado Trail. But as I mentioned, the Limitless team originally started with the goal of riding a border to border trail together.

Our exact plans were to ride a shorter trail, the Colorado Trail, in 2017. Then, we wanted to ride a border to border trail, the Pacific Crest Trail, in 2020. But since the start of Limitless in 2015, a lot of things have changed.

When we completed the Colorado Trail, we could all agree it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Out of the group, I was honestly one who did not see myself fully committing to another thru-ride anytime soon. My end of the ride on the Colorado Trail was not what I wanted. Also, what they do not warn you much about long distance trails is that life continues on in the “real world.”

Life. Work. School. Other hobbies and interests. New goals and new opportunities.

There was nothing negative that happened within the team. We are all really good friends and forever will be. I love each and every one of them wholeheartedly. Though, we do not get the chance to see each other often, we will forever hold onto the memories that we created together on the Colorado Trail.

So wait… you are doing this trek solo?

Yes, that is correct. Solo. I am riding the trail alone with my two horses.

I will be honest. This was never my plan. Originally, I was unsure of a solo trek. I did not want to ride this trail alone.

When plans for a 2021 trek started, this thru-ride was going to be made for two riders. But plans changed yet again, and I had to make a decision to either hold off riding the trail or to just go after my dreams.

I know the pros and cons of going by myself, and I know the pros and cons with riding with others. I have heard the recommendations. I have heard the concerns. And with that said, I will continue on with planning this trek solo. This will allow me to put all of my focus on my horses’ needs to get them safely through the trail.

Though, I do hope to have a few friends join in here and there for sections.

How long will this trail take?

This trail will approximately take five to six months to complete. The horses and I will average 20-25 miles per day. I am also factoring in plenty of rest days for the horses. We are starting early enough to get through the hotter, dryer Southern California sections, but we will very likely have to skip around and circle back to some parts of the trail because of snow. In order to complete the full trail in one season, we need to be done sometime in September before the snow starts back up in Washington.

So What is Next?

I have a little over half a year left to get ready for this trek. I am looking forward to sharing our progress leading up to the trail and sharing the adventures that are to come.

[winary-life]

5 Ways to live Best  Summer For ever

oh, summer. The weather gets warmer, the beaches get crowded, and students get.. bored.

No matter if you successfully grabbed your dream internship this summer or you’re excited to relax around the house, you’re still sure to have tons longer on your hands this season than you'd when you’re at college.

Once you get uninterested in the regular getting to the pool, hitting the beach, hanging out with old friends, and sleeping in what's there left to do?

I’ve found an answer, or 5 to be exact, and compiled them during a list here. So here you go, 5 inexpensive (or free!) ways to beat summer boredom. Let me know what's your favorite way within the comments!

1. Reading

Summer is that the perfect time to select abreast of some hobbies that you simply don’t have the maximum amount of time to try to during the varsity year. For me, reading is simply that. I’m super excited to dive into my Summer Reading List and eventually get to a number of the books that I’ve been eager to read for a short time now!

2. Yoga

Breathe the summer air in. Breathe the varsity year out.

No better thanks to unwinding than to relax your body and mind with some yoga. Check online to ascertain when your local gym offers yoga classes or go solo with a video online guiding you thru.

Are you a Yoga newbie? I like to recommend that you simply inspect this video series online called 30 Days of Yoga by Yoga with Adriene. taking note of her is so peaceful, she’s totally relatable and does an excellent job of explaining the terms for beginners without making you are feeling stupid. Seriously, check her out.

3. Play Free Games and Apps

I’ll admit it, I’m on my phone plenty. Normally I check social media, but i buy uninterested in closing and re-opening the apps to only find yourself seeing an equivalent Instagram post during a row. Amazon came out with this cool app called Amazon Underground that helps to stay me entertained.

Amazon Underground is different than the Amazon Shopping app because it includes additional features like Amazon Video and 100% free apps and games. Yeah, you read that right, 100% free. Even the in-app purchases are free: no more got to buy ‘energy’ or do-overs, lives, levels, upgrades, or anything. It’s all free. I absolutely hate when I’m within the middle of a game and therefore the only thanks to continuing is that if I buy subsequent level: Amazon Underground is that the perfect solution for that.

4. Blogging

Summer is additionally the right time to start out up a replacement hobby that you’ve been curious about but never had the time to commit to like blogging.Blogging has not only been an excellent hobby on my behalf, but it's opened numerous doors for my future and I’ve even made quite a profit off of it. curious about starting your own blog? There are plenty of free ways to try to do this so you don’t need to worry about putting any investment in until you’re sure you’re getting to plan to it. inspect my guide the way to Start a Blog right here for more info.

5. Cooking

I don’t realize you, but my Facebook newsfeed has been full to the brim with cooking tutorial videos lately. all of them look so delicious! I find myself constantly sending them to my boyfriend saying “omg let’s make this!!”I’ll tell you a secret friend: they're as delicious as they appear.We’ve successfully made a number of my favorite foods that I haven’t been ready to eat since I used to be 12, thanks to me wanting to become gluten-free. Everything from churros to mozzarella sticks with the straightforward trick of replacing the flour within the recipe with gluten-free flour, and that I like it all.

[lilyy-james]

rules: answer all the questions and tag 20 other blogs [ tagged at the end of the post ]

tagged by: baes @nazrps​ and @loriiwrites​

LAST:

1. DRINK: multivitamin juice? that bright orange one that’s supposedly got 50 different fruits in it but tastes like sugar and radioactive oompa loompas.  2. PHONE CALL: errrrrm. my friend, i believe. no. my mum. 3. TEXT MESSAGE: my aunt 4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: In My Feelings — Lana Del Rey 5. TIME YOU CRIED: watching Okja yesterday 6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: tf does this even mean 7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: yes 8. BEEN CHEATED ON: no 9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yes 10. BEEN DEPRESSED: ha. 11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: i used to be the Drunk of Steel™ in my friend group (no puking, no hangovers, nada), but then it all changed one night in a wetherspoons and i became Pukey. notable places of pukage: taxi cab, top deck of a bus, lower deck of a bus, ministry of sound, friend’s shoe, behind some bushes in a park (at four in the afternoon).

3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. i like all colors 13. really, i don’t discriminate 14. but peach pink will always be a fave

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: do they count if they’re online? #recluse life 16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: nope 17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: yes 18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: not really #ignorance is bliss 19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: i don’t think so 20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: kind of? 21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: i don’t have facebook

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: all of them, well back when i used it 23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a chinese crested named cousteau 24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i kind of did, once 25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY: i don’t remember?? ok my blog archive has a post that says “i got my period on my birthday now i feel like i’m in a alanis morissette song” 26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: 12 but then i napped some more. 27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: blogging or something idek 28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR:  PACIFIC RIM 2 29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: two minutes ago 31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Lana 32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: yes 33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: nothing really? #zenlife 34. MOST VISITED WEBSITE: tumblr probs 35. HAIR COLOR: brown and then it gets bleach blonde halfway thru 36. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long (i’m going 4 either mermaid or ariana grande long wish me luck) 37. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: no 38. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: I’m me. 39. PIERCINGS: ears, septum. 40. BLOOD TYPE: o neg 41. NICKNAME: many but my faves have to be vilet, elizawitch (robbie), vihoelet, ciklet (murat) lols 42. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single and salty like a pringle. jk. not that salty. 43. ZODIAC: aries 44. PRONOUNS: she/her 45. FAVOURITE TV SHOW: modern, silicon valley. old, fawlty towers 46. TATTOOS: 2 47. RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED: right 48. SURGERY: no? 50. SPORT: i am a fairly competent snowboarder 51. VACATION: tokyo pls 52. PAIR OF TRAINERS: vans

MORE GENERAL

53. EATING: i had a half an omlette like an hour ago 54. DRINKING: n/a 55. I’M ABOUT TO: read replies 56. WAITING FOR: new BB episode tonight 57. WANT: money 58. GET MARRIED: only if it’s to yannis philippakis 59. CAREER: film director, author, highly successful graphic novel series creator

WHICH IS BETTER

60. HUGS OR KISSES: both 61. LIPS OR EYES: eyes 62. SHORTER OR TALLER: taller 63. OLDER OR YOUNGER: depends 64. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: all body parts r nice 65. HOOKUP OR RELATIONSHIP: hookup 66. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: trouble

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. KISSED A STRANGER: yes 68. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: yes 69. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: no 70. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: yes 71. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: yes 72. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: idt so 73. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: yes 74. BEEN ARRESTED: nope 75. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: yes 76. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. YOURSELF: on most days. 78. MIRACLES: sometimes. 79. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: yes 80. SANTA CLAUS: i wish 81. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: yes 82. ANGELS: not the biblical kind.

OTHER:

84. EYE COLOR: brown/hazel 85. FAVORITE MOVIE: dazed and confused/empire records

@holywitchkid​  @kuskah​  @jezzrps​  @dejjavus​  @trashboatrps​  @electricinndigo​ @midnight-howlings​  @brittyzombie​  @nphofrph​  @oceanhunters​  @polyhymniia

[fatigueleo]

get to know me tag

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

i got tagged by @stateofirrelevancy 💕

LAST:

1. Drink: apple juice 2. Phone call: my cousin lol he asked me how school was going  3. Text message: a link to a youtube video 4. Song you listen to: doves in the wind by sza  5. Time you cried: yesterday 

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: never been on a date SMH! 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: my drunk ass kissed a boy at a club only to find out he’s 27 years old the next day 8. Been cheated on: never been in a relationship lol 9. Lost someone special: my dad when i was like 15 10. Been depressed: hell ya  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yup those hot cheetos burnt my throat

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: pink, yellow, orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes from college & online 

16. Fallen out of love: not really ~love~ but ye 17. Laughed until you cried:  the ebony jenkins video always made me die 18. Found out someone was talking about you: im not a bitch anymore so no 20. Found out who your friends are: kinda 21.  Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lmfao 

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 99% of em 23. Do you have any pets: i used to have a bunny named lucky 24. Do you want to change your name: no 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: eat & cry 26. What time do you wake up: my body wakes me up at 7:00 but then i got back to bed and wake up at 9:00 or 10:00 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: listening to music         

28. Name something you can’t wait for: go back to school

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: four hours ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my relationship with certain people 31. What are you listening to right now: glitter by tyler the creator  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no lmfao 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: this sad episode im goin thru

34. Most visited website: twitter

35. Mole/s: one on my right pinky, on the front of my right ring finger others i don’t feel like looking 36. Mark/s: i have one on the bottom of my foot  37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be an artist 38. Hair color: black  39. Long or short hair: short as fuck 40. Do you have a crush on someone: surprisingly no

41. What do you like about yourself: my warm heart and round face 42. Piercings: my first ear holes, nose, and tongue web 43. Blood type: AB i think 44. Nicknames?: lory dory & sunshine (my middle name) 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: leo sun sagittarius moon i wont put my whole birth chart  47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: honestly i don’t know 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nah 52. Hair dyed in different color: i used to be a ginger 53. Sport: you thought 55. Vacation: nope 56. Pair of trainers: i always wear old school vans 

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: my fav is spaghetti 58. Drinking: water 62. Want: love & affection 63. Get married: marriage scares me but i like love 64. Career: i want to do something creative  65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: lips 67. Shorter or taller: taller i want someone 6′4″ cause i’m 5′11″ 68. Older or younger: older  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms i guess but idc 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: depends lmao i can be wild™

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: the boy at the club smh 75. Drank hard liquor: yes 

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: so many times  77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex on the first date: what is sex 79. Broken someone’s heart: kinda lmfao  80. Had your heart broken: not really but hurt 81. Been arrested: no  82. Cried when someone died: yerrrr 83. Fallen for a friend: no but i want to kiss & cuddle w/ all my girl friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: recently no 85. Miracles: definitely  86. Love at first sight: what corny ass au  87. Santa Claus: i used to but im a grown ass woman 88. Kiss on the first date: if you wanna kiss do it 

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: summer the virgo

91. Eye color: brown 92. Favorite movie: i don’t know lol

i dont wanna tag anyone but if you do it tag me i guess

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

The deadly escalation of prank videos on YouTube

"It's just a prank!" What started as a playful trend has turned into an embarrassment for the internet. It's not "just" a prank anymore. 

Prank videos were once the darling of YouTube. But somewhere between the classic gags of surprising someone with an airhorn under their chair and the recent death of 22-year-old Pedro Ruiz, who was shot in the chest during a failed stunt video for YouTube, would-be entertainers have gotten desperate for attention. That desperation has turned what were once innocent gags into lowbrow exploitation for thirsty YouTubers itching to go viral. 

Online, every day is effectively April Fools' Day. And when the game is to constantly shock and awe your audience, things can turn nasty real quick.

SEE ALSO: Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft, and YouTube team up to fight terrorism online

Innocent beginnings

In the beginning, when times were more pleasant, these types of prank videos would stay in the family. Pranks were between friends, couples, or parents and their children in an all-out war that played out across their YouTube videos.

Being mean to our loved ones would eventually lead to one of the most celebrated series of all time: Jimmy Kimmel's "I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy" gag, an annual tradition where parents film their children's reactions after telling them they ate all of their Halloween candy. Pretty cruel, but also pretty hilarious.

Pranks between family and friends seemed innocuous enough. You still have to live with these people, right? But things first took a turn when YouTubers brought their prank videos to the streets.

YouTuber MagicofRahat, who now boasts a whopping 4.9 million followers, popularized one such on-the-street prank that has gotten increasingly out of hand. He started out making videos involving magic and card tricks, but in 2011, he brought his amateur magician skills to his local drive thru.

The drive thru jokes started out innocently. But, eventually, it became clear that these YouTubers were flat-out taking advantage of people working in low-paying jobs by messing with them while they raked in AdSense dollars. 

Sure, watching the reaction of a McDonald's employee while someone sloppily grabbed their ice cream cone by its creamy top was comical the first time around. Throwing an alligator through the drive thru window, however, is assault with a deadly weapon.

The beginning of the fall

People taking advantage of innocent passersby on the street for YouTube views came at an important time in internet history. Propelled by the explosion of viral media and social outlets like Twitter and Facebook, prank videos became somewhat of a guilty pleasure. It was the internet's version of the prank phone call, even if some of the videos teetered outside the bounds of the law. YouTube prank videos became the Jerky Boys on crack. 

Sites like Break, BuzzFeed, The Daily Dot, UpWorthy, ViralNova, and Mashable started seeing huge traffic from sharing viral videos. And where there are clicks and money, there are brands. Guerilla-style viral marketing campaigns started taking advantage of the trend, turning prank videos into an opportunity to push a product or make an announcement. 

In October 2013, an admittedly hilarious prank aimed at unsuspecting coffee shop patrons turned out to be a promotion for a reboot of the classic horror film Carrie. Following in its footsteps, a small agency named Thinkmodo terrified unsuspecting New Yorkers with the "Devil Baby Attack" in January 2014, which was later revealed to be a promotion for the horror movie Devil's Due. The clip has since racked up more than 53 million views, which is likely more views than the movie itself. 

The internet loses all morality for clicks

Meanwhile, as Vine stars emerged from the 6-second platform and YouTubers began making a real name for themselves, the viral internet star was born. People used to scoff at the idea of being internet famous, until they saw how much money they could make. 

The thirst for going viral became increasingly demanding, and people resorted to one-upping each other with more extreme videos to remain in the spotlight. Those hungry for viral fame would do just about anything for attention, even sexually harassing their targets.

Harrassment as a prank tactic has become more and more commonplace online. It was brought to international attention when Big Brother UK cast member and YouTube star Sam Pepper was finally slammed for his alleged sexually assault in the name of YouTube attention. He was brought down after sex ed YouTuber Laci Green penned an open letter to him, attempting to rationally explain why the internet had put him on blast.

Pepper temporarily erased himself from the internet after the ensuing backlash, but not before tricking Vine star Sam Golbach into thinking his friend Colby Brock was about to be killed in front of him. Pepper  later claimed he faked his prank videos, including the ones featuring sexual harassment. Pepper did eventually return to YouTube, where he continues to produce pranks and challenge videos.

It seems as if there is no line drawn for what's "too far" when it comes to going viral. Until, of course, that line is crossed and people push back with overwhelming force and numbers. The prank video is YouTube's Milkshake Duck.

And then it all came crumbling down

Fast forward to 2017. Mike and Heather Martin, the parents behind YouTube channel DaddyOFive, were enjoying the success of what was later deemed emotional abuse against their adopted children in their series of prank videos. The couple saw police action when YouTuber Philip DeFranco made a clip that called the family out. After DeFranco's video was released, Mike and Heather lost custody of two of their children to their biological mother. "I am ashamed," Mike Martin said in a tearful apology video following the incident. "It started out as family fun. It started with me and my kids, but then it was just about making a video and then making the next video more crazier than the next."

And in what may be the saddest, lowest of all-time lows for prank videos on YouTube, 19-year-old Monalisa Perez from Minnesota was charged with manslaughter after she shot and killed her 22-year-old boyfriend, Ruiz, in a failed YouTube stunt. 

According to BuzzFeed, the couple was attempting to make a video of Perez shooting a book that Ruiz was holding, thinking that the book would withstand the force of the bullet. 

KVLY, a local news station in Fargo, North Dakota, reports that Pedro told his aunt Claudia Ruiz that the couple wanted to perform the stunt "because we want more viewers, we want to get famous."

So what's next?

The concept of the prank video has been an embarrassment for the internet for quite some time now. With allegations of sexual assault, racism, child abuse, and now the death of Ruiz, we're well beyond the tipping point.

It's not funny anymore. It's not "just" a prank. So what's next? Hopefully nothing resembling any of these videos. Ultimately, it's the responsibility of the whole internet to move past trends, and the only way to do that is to stop watching. Stop clicking.

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