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all-things-fic · 4 years ago

Text

Somewhere Only We Know

A/N - Hello, you lovely lot! Hope you are all keeping well in these utterly shit Covid times. Who would’ve thought that we would still be here in December?! Please see my offering for @goldenbluesuit‘s Christmas Fic Challenge. Hope I’ve done a bit of justice with this piece.

I can remember Katie texting me telling me about the challenge, and I’ll admit I was given first dibs and now I’m absolutely shitting myself because I’ve seen all the brillaint entries so far and I’m not sure I really cut the mustard with this piece but I’m proud of myself for being able to put a solid 70% of this together in just one day (that one day being today).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Katie has done a brilliant job and I know how grateful she is towards anyone who has joined the challenge or supported by reading/sharing etc.... I need to stop rambling... Okay, thank you for sticking with me as always and happy reading! .x

***

The last thing you remembered actually reading in the group chat was “make sure you have your wellies”. You were glad that you remembered that part at the very least.

Winds whipped around you as you buried your face further into your cream roll neck cable knit jumper, all but hidden underneath your tobacco borg teddy coat that someone had already likened to Macklemore.

Nothing like being back home with your closest and oldest friends.

Mud squelched under your feet as you walked in line with two of your oldest girl friends, eyes looking over the four males in front of you as they led the way over the grassy hills.

There had been zero planning on what today’s events would bring. It was quite clear that the seven of you just wanted to be reunited with the country air and wind bitten cheeks.

It was nice. How simple it was. On the surface at the very least. That was until you zoned in on the little things.

Like his laugh. The same laugh that always carried somehow and it seemed like the wind was making it that much more prominent than usual today.

There was no denying, he had this glow about him. Even from the back of him. You felt silly for thinking it, but it was true. It was in the way he held himself as he attacked the grassy hills with his feet clad wellies and brown trousers.

Life had changed a lot in over a decade. Christ, had it been that long? You’d all gone from baby teenagers to fully fledged adults. The age range of your friendship differing slightly, the odd person here and there slightly older than a couple of people in the group.

Nonetheless, many of the experiences had been the same. The big job offers, and the even bigger promotions. The heartbreaks, regardless of their prominence or lack of, had been the felt the same. The flirtation between some of you sparked probably a bit more so now with a finesse that didn’t have you rolling your eyes but rather leaning into it.

Four out of seven of you were single. Jack and Jonny were virtually married off, however neither of them were with their partners this year with both deciding to spend Christmas at home and New Years with their significant others. Alice was still loved up and going strong with her fella, as was Grace who you hadn’t heard a peep from as she constantly checked her phone to see when the person she was besotted with finally arrived up North thanks to West Midlands Trains pulling into Crewe.

So that left Will, you and Harry. Harry who had quite publicly made it known that he was single. Well, according to your Mum he had, in several interviews. Including the one that she had described as an ‘incredibly relaxing watch and nice background noise to my Sunday evening brew and ironing session’.

That was a strange one for you, his honesty. In earlier years of friendship, he always seemed quite aloof. Like he was keeping his options open. Guarded in a way that frustrated at least 75% of the friendship group, in the nicest way possible. You knew that was a contradiction but any annoyance came from a good place.

You remembered one night in 2014 when he wouldn’t quite give you a straight answer over tequila shots whether he was shagging someone or not. You also remember the way he’d been pulled away from you tactfully by Alice that night when she sensed how you were about to blow up at his lackadaisical attitude.

The same had been felt in 2016. Not so much in 2018, but you weren’t single then so maybe you just didn’t care.

2019 was significantly different though.

See the thing was, you knew him now. Like, knew knew him.

Some would think it was a lapse of judgment, a reading that you would agree upon given what had happened two days prior if ever prodded about it publicly.

Others would vehemently disagree. Stating how long any sort of energy between the two of you had been bubbling for a number of years.

Looking back you couldn’t even understand why you’d attended his show. You lived in Camden and it made sense, but that’s where the sense stopped. Even the ways he had reached out had been one of the most random messages you’d received from him

There was no context, just a simple ‘I’m playing the Electric Ballroom and there’s tickets waiting for you if you want ‘em.’

And the thing was, you loved that venue. The grungy-ness of it all. The way you had stuck to the floor while trying to dance along to the likes of The Hives and Kings of Leon when seeing them playing there, basking in your sweaty happiness.

But the stickiness of the floor and sweatiness of the room didn’t compare to the stickiness and sweatiness you later found yourself partaking in as Harry took you from behind over the side of his couch.

A shiver rolled through you at the thought, one that you would blame on the December bitter chill because it was a secret. One that neither of you had mentioned since it happened on Thursday night, or to be technically correct the early hours of Friday morning.

He’d been good. Of course he had been.

He had that way about him that night that pulled you under a false sense of endeared security. From his dimpled smile to gleaming eyes. He was happy.

And the way he had shone as he found you on the balcony had warmed you like nothing you had known in the longest time.

It caused you to forget about the worry that had laden you limbs as you turned up at 9.13pm to the wooden doors of the building, wondering how many songs he was in to the set as you convinced yourself he would start at 9.00pm.

As you’d been ushered over to a clear box window and uttered your name to a dorky looking man wearing a tracksuit pull over and watched him handover a white envelope through the circle hatch.

You stood in the dark, next to two much younger girls who enjoyed the way his glances lingered over at their side. Eyes had found Gemma in the opposite corner of the balcony, her dancing and singing with some recognisable faces mainly more so because you had seen them on social media.

You, however, kept yourself to yourself. Until you were anchored in the tightest hug from Gemma that you had ever felt from her and swayed from side to side as she made it known how pleased she was to see you once the concert was over.

That familiarity had been nice. The vibrancy of nostalgia consuming you in your entirety.

Watching him work a room when he finally entered the after party was a sight to behold, in his navy blue pinstripe suit and yellow ‘I’m gonna die lonely’ t-shirt.

He wasn’t. Gonna die lonely, that is.

He glided so smoothly from one person to the next, spilling a drink down himself in the process you’d seen (and later felt when your hand clung to the fabric of his t-shirt as you kissed), making time for everyone in his own unique way.

Big eyes followed you over Gemma’s shoulder when he had finally found himself within your circle and hugged his sister once more that evening. They were hard to read but also openly filled with a glimmer of hope as he dropped his gaze to see what you were wearing.

And when he approached you, he hugged you in a way that managed to pull you into the darkened corner of the dingy space. Spinning your body to keep your face concealed from any prying eyes.

He revealed to you how he didn’t think you were going to turn up, scanning you with his gaze as he spoke. You did the same, a bit taken aback by just how attractive you were finding him. He had always been handsome but the aura he gave off, made your fingers itch to have him closer to you.

Words ran away from you that night as he begged and pleaded with you to tell him what your favourite song had been. Based on first impressions, which the show has been, then Canyon Moon and Watermelon Sugar had smothered you and given you no other option but to pick them.

If he were to ask you now you’d probably say To Be So Lonely, thanks to the drive home being longer than originally thought and said album being your choice of road trip music.

Forget Driving Home For Christmas, nothing slapped more than one of your closest friends admitting to being an arrogant son of a bitch.

After your chat, he mingled some more but Harry was always tactile and that night had been no different. He veered conversations with people you had never seen before to take place by the zone that you all occupied.

He actively kept his back against yours, allowing the faintest of touches and brushing of arms - sometimes hands too if he dropped them down heavily enough with his arms as he spoke - to entice and create a spark.

You were kept late enough to miss the last tube. Battery dangerously low on your phone that you didn’t know if a transaction with Uber would be worth a try.

Jumping into the same car as him had been easy. His soft and tired eyes findings yours in the cab as he leant his head back against the headrest in the back seat and let his lips tip upwards in an expression of tenderness that had you melting in your seat.

“‘S been a while since we’ve both been a bit pissed in the back of a taxi,” he mused, pushing his fallen locks out of his eyes to ensure his view of you wasn’t obscured. “Come an’ cuddle me like you used to do when we went out a’ home and were worse for wear.”

Falling into his side was almost second nature, eyes closing as you let your forehead rest against his jawline and let his worn in cologne fill you senses and scatter your judgment.

You don’t even remember how you ended up kissing that night. A mixture of confessions about missing each other and praise of how good you both were in your own ways. The sound of his whispered, “are you coming home wi’me?” against your lips an offer too good for you to refuse as you sat pressed into his side and half in his lap.

The giggles that night, around dramatic shushes as you tripped and shuffled from the car to his front door were almost haunting in your memory as he tried to chastise you around spluttered laughter about being respectful of his neighbours.

Getting the key in the lock proved unchallenging - one of the better analogies aligned to your memories and latter sexual endeavours - as you slipped into the house. He enjoyed watching the way you walked ahead of him into his home, not realising how much he needed that visual of seeing how well you fit in.

While time seemed to slow in that moment, movements desperately sought the opposite. Hands gripped and clawed like their lives depended upon it.

Looking back now, both he and you wished it hadn’t happened the way it did. Skirt lifted and over the side of his couch. Teeth clashing and hips knocking.

It had been every inch a drunken fumble. A first meeting slightly cheapened but wanted nonetheless. Only made even cheaper by the hush-hush concealing of it ever occurring.

But a secret it was and a secret it would remain.

And oh how you wished you had a pillow you could press you face into right now and scream, this time for an entirely different reason. Unlike that night.

“Not seen a sign of any deer yet, mate,” you heard a voice break you out of your indulgence of recollecting past events. Harry was the worst at wanting to get a reaction.

“Christ, have a bit of patience would yer?”

You smiled at the bickering, just like it always was as the River Dane could be heard in the distance somewhere as you walked. If you listened really close, that is.

Lifting your eyes, your smile lingered as you watched Harry spin his body around and let his hands get lost in the massive pockets of his parka. He walked backwards holding your gaze softly with his eyes twinkling before he gently rolled them at the overreaction and impatience of your friends.

He seemed pleased that you’d enjoyed his teasing as you once again hid you smile into your jumper.

You’d be alright.

***

You heard giggles and screams ahead of you as your friends stumbled in the dark and messed about as you got closer to the viaduct. This place or the people didn’t change, and at times while it filled you with a warm nostalgia, it could be heavily jarring.

A soft and lazy smile pulled at your lips as you felt his heavy forearm lightly tug you closer to him, his lips finding your hair. And then there was Harry.

“Think we should go this way m’self,” Harry mumbled, the nudge of his hips against yours had you stumbling slightly in your heels away from the direction of your friends and somewhere completely different.

“And why’s that?” You turned your face slightly, cheeks warm and flushed thanks to the mixture of alcoholic beverages; eyes glazed as they lifted up to look at him.

“Cause you never would’ve let me when I was sixteen,” he admitted.

“You didn’t ask.”

“‘M askin’ now.”

With slow blinking eyes, you looked at his own unfocused vision. A soft shine to his skin, hair blowing gently against his forehead. The softest of smiles tilted at your lips.

“On yer go,” he nudged you forward, this time more so with his crotch and his hands, which wrapped around your hips to help steer you. Harry was met with only a small amount of resistance from you as you split off from your friends and turned in the different direction.

You bit back your laugh, dropping your head slightly as you felt your heels started to sink into the grass as you walked. Harry was level with you when you sunk down noticing the way you legs slightly gave way, a soft chuckle omitting from his throat as he asked, “You alrigh’?”

“I’m sinking in these bloody things,” you grumbled, pulling your heel from the grass and trying to place the sole of your shoe onto the ground beneath you first.

“So much for no’ being able to take the country out o’ the girl. London’s changed yer, swear it.”

Shaking your head, you cut your eyes to give him a harsh stare for his wind up. His amused expression lit a fire in you like no other. He really wasn’t one to talk though, was he?

“Gi’me your hand ‘ere,” he held his out to you, quickly cupping it when you handed it over and pulled it under his bent elbow. “Remind me again who’s idea this was, eh?”

He didn’t need reminding, he had been one of the keen instigators for the whole jaunt down Twemlow Viaduct. It usually was him, or Jack. The two of them often reminiscing on times they had both raided their parents' alcohol cupboards and managed to sneak out with some dusty bottle that held a liquor that tasted out of date and stale, and if not that then, cheap.

“‘S still fucking freezing down ‘ere, in’it?” He asked, lifting his left hand up to his mouth and blowing against it to try and get some feeling back into his fingers.

“We’re so close to the river, I don’t know why you’d expect anything different?”

“Is this why everyone was always so insistent on necking anything with over 11% alcohol in it when we came down ‘ere as kids?”

“Probably,” you softly laughed.

“‘S a bit different now though innit?”

“Oh, I’m not so sure,” you started to correct him, shrugging your hand out from under his elbow and reaching for your bag. Quickly fumbling with the clasp, you lifted up the quilted flap and managed to pull out the stainless steel hip flask.

Harry cackled a harsh laugh, his eyes crinkling as he slowly let his laughter die down and softly let his joy wash over his features. “Impressive. Gone all proper on me.”

“You know I haven’t,” you held his eyes watching as he nervously cupped at the back of his neck for a short while, a gentle bite down of his bottom lip, as you quickly uncapped the item and held it out to him. He looked like he needed the courage. You continued, “We’re just a bit more refined, that and we earn a good living. Some more than others, and by some I mean you.”

He held his hand up towards you with an amused grin at your comment. “You first, ‘s yours after all.”

Lifting the item and knocking back your head, you swallowed the whiskey with a small grimace, before offering it to Harry once more. This time he accepted, his right hand making light work of taking the item from your hands and sipping at the contents.

His face wasn’t as contorted as your’s when he swallowed, a fan of the chosen beverage if needs must. “‘S the proper stuff, tha’ is,” he commented with a quick lick of his lips before continuing, “Come a long way from sneaking the bottles of dusty Blossom Hill from the back of the cupboard.”

“Don’t know about that,” you smiled, taking the item and pushing it back into your bag. “I’d still drink if, if it were on offer.”

“‘M sure Mum’s got a bottle or two going at home?”

“Is that your way of asking me to go home with you?” You paused. “Again.”

Harry remained silent at your words. Both you and he knew it was going to happen. A mixture of sparks and lovelorn, lingering glances was enough to make anyone both want to give up, while also giving a burning confidence usually unknown.

Neither of you expected it would be you who started the conversation, however.

“It is, ‘f it’s gonna work. ‘M not sure I could wait any longer t’be’onest wi’yer.“

Laughing, you reached up to push at his shoulder. He always knew exactly what to say, but no way was he going to make a laughing stock of the whole thing. “Oh, give over,” you spoke, harshly swallowing when he kept your hand against the thick cable knit black jumper he had on. “You’ve made it this far, thus far just fine.”

“‘M not playin’,” he whispered, hand gently curling around your own and lifting it up to press against his face. His cheeks were warm underneath the cooler hands, despite the cold night whipping around you both and your mind quickly wondered if he was just as embarrassed for his lack of acknowledgment as you had been. “Homes nice, you’re nicer.”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about it,” you let your soft voice get taken by the wind.

“An’ what gave you tha’ impression?”

He did. He gave you that impression. By not mentioning it. By treating you how he always did.

“You.”

“Me?” Harry responded, indignantly, blowing out a sigh that had his cheeks puffing out underneath your hand. “‘M not doing a very good job then am I? I can’t keep m’eyes off o’you. ‘S not my fault you don’t bloody notice ‘em.”

But you had noticed them.

His eyes, gaze following your every move, near enough. Stupid little touches. Glances of approval. Not just now, but from years before.

Treating you how he always did.

Oh, treating you how he always did.

Bringing your eyes back to his figure, you saw the way his gaze darted and nervousness dragged at his features. A frown began to set itself between his eyebrows from worry.

“Changes everything.”

Running his tongue along his teeth, Harry pursed his lips. “Everythin’ has changed, changed a long time ago an’all.”

You dropped your hand down, it now massaging against the back of his neck and shoulder as you felt the tension of his body radiating through his clothes. Under the dim moonlight and the odd spotlight that had been added to the viaduct with each passing year for safety, Harry exhumed everything anyone would want in a boyfriend. He was soft, and so bloody gorgeous. Not just because he was personification of an almost six foot tall string of handsomeness, but his character did the talking for him.

He knocked the door before he walked into a room, for example. Who really did that kind of thing anymore?

But you could also still see the heartbreak that lingered, albeit not as strong as it once was, it was still there. And that was problematic and scary. To be on the receiving end of it. Not that you would hold it against him, because you had been him at one point too. At many points in fact.

When the two of you had shagged, because let’s face it that is exactly what it had been, while a sense of familiarity in the person was prevalent it was definitely overruled by the desire to just hit a euphoric high that if hit right could not be topped.

Familiar overruled in other aspects, and it wasn’t to be brushed away. But was familiarity a mask that would slip sooner rather than later? Was it the start and the end?

The both of you experienced similarities in your life that could not be matched by the friends in your friendship group. London had chewed you up and spat you out, ruthlessly so. While rewarding you with long hours but fat pay cheques, careers that catapulted you to new heights and enabled you to see parts of the world that two country kids (which in one way you were) could never have imagined.

Sure Harry’s had been on a much, much larger scale - you would not ever deny that - but you no longer fit in.

And neither did he.

This was a place that only the two of you knew. A place where you watched those around you fall in love and have the time to do so. A place where your friend's happiness was created a lot easier than it wasn’t and allowed a sense of success to weave its way in, through the most unexpected of happenings.

Not a place where you found happiness in your work because there was less of a space for happiness to blossom elsewhere. Not really. Not like you; both of you.

Understanding was vital.

This had been a place you knew like the back of your hand. A place that had you feeling the earth beneath your feet, fresh air in your lungs and had at times made it so you found yourself sitting by a river and finding yourself feeling complete.

Yet looking over at the almost 26 year old, that just wasn’t the case anymore.

And for once you didn’t feel alone.

The sound of the odd piece of cobbled pavement underneath Harry shoes, buried beneath overgrown grass and plants, broke you from your thoughts, as you watched him kick at the ground and scuff his shoes.

He sighed, head tilted back before he knocked it to the side and caught your eyes. A small scoffed laugh left his lips as he shook his head and dropped his gaze to his feet.

“‘S it fucked?”

You hummed, a small frown lacing your features.

“Fucked it, haven’t I? Fuckin’- idiot-“ he breathed out a noise as he clenched his teeth, one that wasn’t quite a growl but enough to let you know he was agitated. Only strengthened by how tight his jaw became.

Before you could even think, the back of your hand gently brushed against the pulsing hinge of his jaw. Muscles taut as you tried to soothe him in a way that your mind was screaming was far too intimate.

You didn’t want him having any internal battle about right and wrong. Not when you had both taken the same steps to get here.

“Thought it was just meant as a one time thing,” you admitted. “Like you needed it, and I needed it. Was what it needed to be at the time. Bit rough, bit sloppy-“

You cringed are the use of the word. Wanting the ground to swallow you in a weird fashion. You should be able to talk open and honestly with someone who you had known longer than hadn’t.

“Rough?“ Harry swallowed audibly, his face fallen. “That’s not-“

His eyes held an emotion similar to sorrow at the mention of the word. “That’s not the impression I wanted to give you.”

“We were both drunk, it happens.”

“Not with me it doesn’t. Not when it’s me, wanting to be wi’you.”

“I mean I was into it if that helps anything?”

“Were yer?”

You looked at him from the corner of your vision, watching his lips try to fight a smile as you rolled yours into your mouth to not give yourself away. You knew what you were trying to do by speaking those words aloud but you wished you hadn’t. Awkward breathy laughs were shared by the two of you as you held his eyes.

“Was I?”

You hummed in agreement to answer his question, letting your smile dance along your lips now and watching as Harry’s dimples started to show. His expression was youthful, slightly smug.

“Good t’know.”

***

Finishing saying your goodbyes to your friends and ignoring their suggestive expression because ‘Harry was stopping as an extra pair of hands’, you shut the heavy wooden door and reached up to close the deadbolt lock at the top. Shortly after, you let your feet drop as you stopped standing on your tiptoes and pressed your forehead against the door.

The silence of the pub was always a strange one to you. A place that was usually thriving, whether it was just your friends, or your parents friends. When the lights were turned out, it was actually quite a lonely place. Regardless of growing up around this sort of industry your entire life and having parents as publicans nothing was more depressing than an empty bar, lifeless and nothing like it was intended.

A suggested lock-in from Jack, who managed to interrupt both yours and Harry’s conversation earlier had not been a bad shout after all. You knew it meant that you would have to deal with the fallout with it being Christmas Eve, but it wasn’t very often that you found yourself in the setting.

Turning to move from the door, you almost jumped out of your skin when you heard the opening of a familiar Lily Allen song start to play over the speakers.

Harry emerged from the corner of the pub that housed the jukebox, slowly rubbing his hands together before he wordlessly picked up the scattered pint glasses that had remained on one of the tables that had been missed by the staff on the evening shift. His eyes glanced over at you, as you stood with a hand to your chest.

This wicked smile and gleam washed over his face as he paused his movement. “Did I scare yer?”

“Do you not think it’s a bit loud?”

He wrinkled his nose at you, a soft shake of his head no, to answer your question.

“‘S your fave innit?” He asked, head nudging to where the jukebox was now hidden.

With a small smile you nodded, “Prefer the Keane version in all honesty.”

“Don’t have it in the bloody jukebox though, d’yer? Can’t like it that much.”

Your smile deepened at his exclaim and how prominent his accent sounded as he spoke, the small clink of the glasses he was holding only heard if you really zoned in.

“Where d’yer want these?” He asked, holding up the five pint glasses he had collected. “Behind t’bar?”

Humming, you nodded and watched as he weaved his way through the tables to you. You frowned as he got closer, not understanding why he hadn’t bypassed you completely.

Once he was close enough to you, you watched as he reached for what you knew to be your own glass of wine that was almost finished.

“Fancy the rest of this or can it go too?”

Looking at him and down to the glass, you gently wrapped your hand around it and brought the lip to your mouth. You knocked the item back quickly, swallowing the rest of your wine, before handing over the now empty glass back to Harry.

“Good girl,” he joked, light laughter lacing each word. “Sit yourself down.”

Wearing an amused and quizzical expression, you let yourself sink down into the wooden chair. Resting your chin on your hand, you spun slightly in your seat to keep your eyes on Harry as he placed the glasses down and lifted the hatch so he could step behind the bar.

With your free hand, you started to tap the worn beer coaster labelled with the Cheshire Brewhouse logo against the table. Part of you hated how Harry had a knack for anything, including knowing his way around a bar.

He busied himself with collating the glasses once more as you let your eyes take in the surroundings you had known, loved and even grown out of.

Your parent’s pub was cosy and friendly. A truly

classic and quintessential British village pub, featuring open fires, bookcases found in the very far corner or the jukebox in the other, lots of old oak and a really pleasant garden with benches for the summat and heaters for the winter. You know the kind that had its regulars that had kids who had seen each other grow up.

The bar was the centre of the pubs house, with an extensive array of whiskies amongst many other delights. A nice range of local ales and a well-balanced, great quality list of wines on offer designed (which you would be taste testing if the service hadn’t decided to take a break) to complement the food menus designed daily by a team of chefs who all have a passion for great cooking using fresh, seasonal and local ingredients.

It looked as Christmassy as Christmas could get, with a real tree which was locally sourced from one of the many surrounding farms and traditionally decorated with golds and reds. Twinkly lights shone, not only on the trees but as part of the garland that was hung above the bar each year, much to the annoyance of your Dad and the delight of your Mum.

Slowly dragging your eyes back to the bar, you watched Harry as he poured you another glass of white wine and started to recap the bottle. He must’ve felt your eyes on him, his gaze meeting yours almost immediately.

“Service is a bit slow,” you jibed, once you knew he was with you. “Going to ruin the reputation of a fine establishment.”

His chuckle was breathy in response, but warmed you through as he turned his back and pushed his tumbler glass up against the device at the bottom of the Glenfiddich distilled malt whiskey, not once but twice going for a double.

“Helping yourself to the stock now, as well.”

“‘M sure your Dad won’t mind,” he responded, twisting his body back around to reach for your own glass and place it onto a tray that sat along the bar top. “In fact he’d probably make a comment about how it’d put hairs on m’chest.”

You laughed, unrestrained, knowing just how right he had been with that comment.

Over the otherside of the room, Harry smiled and shushed you as he walked closer, easily holding the tray with your drinks upon it. “Being a bit loud,” he taunted as he slid the tray down to the oak table.

“Oh, now you’re concerned about the noise.”

With his hand against the back of the chair which was currently housing your outstretched legs, you felt him start to wobble the seat to give you a warning.

“Hang on,” you said, “Plenty of other chairs.”

“This one’s mine,” he responded.

Wanting to roll your eyes but deciding not to, you let your legs drop down and gave the seat back to Harry. Once he was comfortable and he’d taken your drink off the tray, he gestured with his right hand.

Not entirely focused, he had to do the ‘come hither’ motion a couple of times before you finally cottoned on. He was willing to let you put your legs on his lap instead, while he may have taken the seat it didn’t mean he wanted to take away your comfort.

No sooner had your legs been raised to rest against his tan washed velvet corduroy trousers, was he fiddling with the buckle of your stiletto sandals.

“Got mud everywhere,” you commented, wiggling your toes that were painted a festive red and inspecting the little dots of dirt that were splattered against your skin, as Harry dropped the first shoe to the floor and quickly worked on the second. “Dread to think what they smell like.”

“Smell alrigh’ from ‘ere,” he mused, smirk faint but glaring obvious in his tone of voice as he threw a quick and mischievous glance at you. As you elongated your foot against his thighs, the tips of your toes were just about able to press into his thick jumper to try and jab at him for his comment.

Before you were able to put any sort of force behind your action, Harry’s hand clamped down around the top of your foot causing your eyes to snap up away from his hand and up to his eyes.

There he sat watching you, top two teeth pressed into his bottom lip keep his smile at bay. Releasing his lips slowly, his whispered threat left his throat, “I will tickle.”

You tried to fidget away but to no avail. With a whined laugh, you frowned as Harry goaded you by slowly raising his eyebrows. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

You had tried him.

Truth be told you wanted to again.

If he wanted to.

Reaching for your wine, you took a hefty sip and let the silence swallow you both. Harry, who kept his hand on your foot and his fingers dancing gently against the top, let his head fall back awkwardly against the hardwood. His head dropped to the side taking in his surroundings and their familiarity.

“Do you ever get tired of coming back?”

You hummed, sure you had misheard due to the way the blood was rushing around your ears. He turned to look at you, all double chin and puffy cheeks.

“Of everything being the same, but different?”

His whispers captivated you, hushed confessions not quite meant for anyone else but his own mind yet spilling from him with such an ease that he did nothing to fight them.

“I’ll admit, I come home for other people. Not for me.”

“People?”

“Mum, Dad,” you paused. “You.”

His smile deepened. His chin knocking down to his chest, his eyes looking up at you from underneath his curling hair from being caught in the moist winter evening just hours before.

“You can stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you did three nights ago.”

Harry breathed in deeply, his nostrils flaring and his chest expanding. A lick of his lips, before his mouth dropped to sit slightly agape.

“What if I don’t wan’to? What if I want t’look at yer like this all the time?”

You found yourself unable to respond, nose burying itself into your wine glass as you pressed your lips against the cool outside to try and hide your burning smile.

His lips curled lightly, before he breathed a laugh once and gently shook your foot with his hand. “Eh? Come ‘ere-“

“Harry,” you breathed.

“C’mon, c’mere. ‘S room for more than just your feet.”

If it wasn’t for the creak of your chair as you slowly started to push yourself out of it, you wouldn’t have consciously been aware of how you were making your way to him.

His body relaxed, somehow managing to become closer to horizontal than sitting upright in his seat, as he peered as you walking the short distance over to him.

With his legs widened, he pressed his face into your side now that you were close enough. His nose inhaled the familiar scent of your perfume which was only faint now due to the other senses and scents it had mixed with throughout the evening.

Rolling his face out of your body, he knocked his head back and pressed his chin where his face had been. The face you showed him was worn with worry, an expression he did not want to meet.

“‘S wrong?”

His ask was lazy. Not wanting to dig deep and know. What if he didn’t like what he found?

“We know how this is going to end.”

“Do we?” He prodded. His eyes moved over your features quickly before they partly disappeared to him, thanks to your curtain of hair which slowly fell down.

His hand reached up, desperately brushing it away and cupping at the back of your head as best as he could while he remained seated.

“How’s that? Tell me.”

“Same, but different.”

You knew you shouldn’t use his words, not in a way that could be considered against him, but they - in the most ambiguous of ways - described everything perfectly.

“Not if I have my way.”

His words were almost lost against your stomach as he pressed his face against you once more and wrapped his hands around you; sweaty, nervous palms pressing to the backs of your thighs.

“Same, but better.”

Harry guided you down to his lap, his lips somehow managing to remain pressed into stomach, or your chest, or your clavicle, as your face became level with his.

“Different, but better.”

He kissed against your cheek slowly, nose nudging at your skin as he willed for you to relax against him. “I don’t know how you like it, like this,” he whispered in confession. “Show me?”

A puff of air left your lips as you turned to look at him with hooded eyes. His mouth was closer to yours than you originally thought, corners of lips brushing as you slightly pulled away.

When your lips met, it was in the softest of pecks that trembled under your nerves. Both sets of eyes looking back at each other as you innocently engaged.

If you were to take your eyes away from him in any way, you would notice those fluffy curls of his falling over his forehead and the lightest dusting of red blush making itself known against his cheeks and the tops of his ears.

He felt like a school boy, lost and clumsy. The kid who was once again flicking paper at you in science class just so he could pull a face at you over something your teacher was saying to get you to laugh.

Mouths hovering over each other, your breathing mixed, as Harry nodded to you slightly. You pressed your lips to his once more, feeling the way he gradually opened up to you, warmed and softened underneath the puckering of your mouth against his.

His hands, that slightly trembled, smoothed over your hips trying to pull your body so that it was more so flush against his. You moaned softly, your hands running over his jumper covered shoulders, fingers digging and pulling at the material just below the nape of his neck.

The chair beneath you moved lightly against the floor, not quite a scrape but a dull drag. Neither of you broke the kiss, but his hands against you allowed fingers to dig in to hold you steady to him so if you were to fall from where you were sitting, he still had you.

His lips slowed, moving to press against your cheeks again as he panted and his warmth breath bounced off your skin. “Think I got it,” he heaved.

“Do you?”

Harry hummed his ‘yea’, before pressing his lips so tenderly to your chin and the underside of your jaw. He felt how you swallowed heavily, throat dry from the way your mouth hung open and your neck further exposed itself as you lolled your head back.

You were falling further and further back, finding it hard to stay upright as he devoured you and made you weaker with each pulling kiss. His groans were needy, muffled and making your ache. While yours were silent and making his desperate to pull something from you. To build is confidence in that he was doing something right, you liked it this way too.

Hands fumbled and dragged upwards at your skirt, faintly aware now how it was similar - if not the same one - to the garment you wore to his show.

“Gonna take this off properly,” he mumbled, feeling the way your hips moved slightly from his hands to roll over him.

“You don’t have to-“

“No?”

Your voices were rushed as you spoke to each other, barely audible but loud enough all the same. His head was knocked back slightly as you hovered over him and you found yourself admiring his blissed out face even only in the lead up.

This was a sight that you hadn’t received last time, and if you had your way it was one you were going to greedily enjoy in all its glory.

Like watching the way his eyes closed and he softly grinned, the left side of his teeth started to show as the one side of his face reacted first while your hands blindly moved to lift up his jumper and the white tee he had on underneath, to allow you to find the button of his corduroys.

“What ya doing?”

“Nothing,” you mused.

He pulled a face, the kind that down turned his lips, eyebrows raised and head slightly tilted to the side. The kind that had you smiling.

“Not trying to get m’trousers around m’ankles for a second time within a week then?”

You giggled. “No.”

“Please do.”

A low moan left you as you pressed your forehead to his jaw and dropped your eyes. Your hands slowly started to pull at the brass button and pop it open before seeking out the zip thanks to his desperate plea, encouraging you to continue.

Hands quickly sought out the waistband of the trousers and gently pulled at the item. From the way that you were sat, you knew there was no way you were doing to make them budge.

“Stand up fo’ me,” he mumbled, quickly helping you get off his lap so that he could make light work of his clothing and pull down his trousers and underwear.

His bare bum made easy contact with the cushion leather beneath him, eyes carefully watching you as your hands moved to underneath your skirt.

The fabric of your underwear slipped so easily down your legs, his eyes just about caught the sight of them as they pooled against your ankles and you kicked them away.

Legs pressed together, you slowly untucked the v-necked blouse you had chosen and pulled it over your head. Wearing nothing but a fancy black bra, and a tight little skirt you hastily snatched for your wine and took a hefty gulp.

You could feel his eyes on you, a gruff groan catching in the back of his throat and when you finally turned your eyes from where they had been looking down at your heaving chest and how great this bra made your boobs look, causing him to move his hand down to start playing with himself.

His name left your lips in a breathy gasp, causing you to look up quite surprised at the find of his right hand gently tugging at his hard length.

“Keepin’ me waitin’,” he groaned, his left hand sloppily reached for the back of the collar of his jumper and tee, pulling the item roughly over his head.

“Fuck sake,” he mumbled under his breath, agitated that he was unable to get both items of in one go.

“Smooth.”

Harry stared up at you with a playful squint, before he gently fell back and moved the chair as he did so, the dull scrape heard once more.

And if you didn’t know he was flushed before, when you first kissed, you were definitely aware now. His eyes were blown out and hungry as they devoured you. Hair wildly haphazard before he let go of himself with a soft slap of his skin and harshly pushed his fingers through it.

“‘S it still a couple of quid for a strip of three,” his words brought you back to him. This smugness radiated off of him as he groaned and leaned forward to push his trousers down all of the way. Over his vans and socked feet, before he toed them off as well be harshly pulled at his white sport socks.

You didn’t even need for him to explain what he meant, staying silent as you watched his hands tug at his corduroys from the floor and retrieve his wallet. As his fingers moved around to find a couple of quid, the jangle of the coins was taunting.

One leg crossed over the other, you swayed and found yourself blushing when he looked up at you once he’d managed to find enough money and then some. With his wallet thrown on the table, he stood proudly from the seat and closed the short gap between your both.

Leaning forward he easily took your lips with his own before pulling away. With his face still close to yours he whispered, “Promise not to look at my arse.”

He didn’t hang around long enough for your reply, instead turning away and brazenly giving you all the time you would ever need to admire him, his fantastic bum and his hairy legs before he opted for a jog-walk type of thing, suddenly conscious that he was absolutely walking around naked from the waist down in a pub owned by your parents.

While you waited you took a quick pull from his whiskey, needing the heftier burn for Dutch courage. Nervousness returned when you heard the endings of what you believed to be Harry whistling.

“Machine ate all m’fuckin’ change,” he grumbled, regardless of the twinkle in his eye at the strip of overpriced condoms he had managed to score from the men’s bathroom. “‘S Durex. Business must be booming, your Dad’s definitely gone up in the world.”

“Please don’t talk about my Dad.”

He smiled brightly before he reached for your face with one hand and pulled you towards him mumbling his ‘sorry’s’ against your lips as he gave you several kisses in quick succession.

His other arm loosely wrapped around your back and pulled you with him as he walked backwards and slowly lowered himself back onto his previous seat. The chair creaked as you joined him, slipping into his lap and feeling the way he was smiling now.

Pulling away from your kiss, he quickly tore away one of the condoms allowing the others to fall without much care to the floor. Teeth took a hold of the foil-like packaging and he tore it not so elegantly with his eagerness.

With his cock nestled in the crease of his own thigh now, the heat radiating from it matched your own agonising yearning. Scooting back to give him space, you heard him groan as he gently rolled the condom down onto himself. Eyes looking up just in time to see him knocking his head back and breathing deeply through nose. The foil-like packaging was back in between his teeth once more as his hands were otherwise preoccupied.

Slowly your hand reached up to take it from his mouth, feeling some playful resistance as Harry continued to hold it in his teeth. His eyes were open and boyishly sincere, as you tugged at the item and he finally released it when you lightly laughed.

“Gi’me a kiss.”

Obliging him, you leant forward and slotted your mouths together a lot easier than you had done at the start of the night. A heat built easily between the two of you, as Harry gave you his tongue and you felt the flex of his jaw under your hand as he worked your mouths together.

He was eager, his hands tightening on your waist before he growled when he understood he had to grab handfuls of skirt before he could cup your backside. But when his skin met yours and you ground down onto his lap, the groan that left him was the most animalistic sound imaginable.

The frown your face fell into showed your desire to whimper, as he kept you atop him and marvelled in the way you writhed, both from satisfaction and keenness at the pressure of his cock against you.

“Can I have you again?” He asked, the startings of sweaty hair being pushed off your face. His eyes peered at you, searching for his answer as you seemed to be able to do nothing but pant and look back at him yearningly. “Are you letting me?”

You dragged your fingers down his t-shirt covered torso and lifted it slightly just to see the quiver of his stomach as pulled you onto him once more.

“Like this?” you voiced, meekly.

“‘F this is what you like then, yea’”, he breathed into your mouth, hands shifting your pliant body. “Is this what you want?”

You wordlessly nod, mouth falling open in a breathy gasp when he managed to move you so he sat so enticingly at your entrance. He was teasing both yourself and him, wanting to keep you both on the edge.

Harry blinked a few times as he looked at you, and you revelled in the way he couldn’t seem to concentrate. His hands held your flesh tightly, fingertips dipping into the skin of your bum cheeks as he gently guided you down.

An unattractive and dull, quite strangled noise, left your throat as you let your forehead fall against his temple. Eyes falling down you see the cups of your bra fall slack, you felt his hands softly gliding over your shoulder blades and shoulders.

He rid you of your bra, hands moving to your chest to squeeze your breasts. His jaw fell slack when you found yourself sitting snugly on his lap - on him - settled and already feeling spent.

This was so different compared to the last time; if not overwhelming so because of the way you both appeared to be so present. Each movement of your hips, and the way they rolled and grinded and dragged felt too much. So much so that you had become nothing more than a mess of short, quick breathing and blushing, sweaty cheeks.

Slack-jaw, you were unable to find it in you to return Harry’s kisses, and his joyful, breathy chuckle seemed to lead you to believe he was fine with it. In fact he was happy to keep going as you were.

Your movements were frantic, and despite the build up, not entirely driven by lust either. Harry continued to encourage you to move as you were; slow, grinding motions on his lap that caused the filthiest of groans and dirtiest of laughs from the two of you. Laughter that was only made stronger as the chair that held you both started to creak too.

You couldn’t do much about it though other than to breathe into each other’s mouth, and rock your hips together with more fervour each time.

“Yea’,” he breathed against your lips, left hand at the back of your head holding you to him, while his right rested just above your bum. “‘S better. That’s better.”

It was better. Better than last time. Better than anything before.

And while it hadn’t been frantic before, it was now as your legs that were hanging down either side of the chair started to tremble and your toes started to dig into the worn carpet beneath them. Hips knocking and your clit dragging heavenly against his public bone, you grasped his name as you buried your face into his neck and dug your nails into his nape.

Harry hissed his approval which fell to a groan as your nails pushed up into his hair and lightly pulled as you sought leverage. There were so many things you were learning this time around and his penchant for liking his hair pulled from time to time, was one of those things.

“God, ‘m gonna come soon,” he admitted, gruntly as he forced your hips down as he anchored his legs and widened his seating position. “Are you close?”

“Yeah,” you whined. “Yes. Like this-“

And as you pressed your face to his once more, he was everywhere. Soft but hard, loving but commanding. Smelled like clean washing detergent but of country air. Inviting and alluring, allowing you your lingering kisses between grounding breaths that became staccato in unison with the movement of your hips.

You aren’t ashamed of the whines that escaped your throat as you squeezed down on his cock, praised by indecipherable works that left Harry but were nothing more to you than lips moving against your rough and dry ones. Word that made the burning feeling of your pending orgasm spread through your entire body, warming you and setting you alight.

It was long and deep, with your toes curling into the carpet they were pressed against now. Barely able to catch your breath, sucking in harshly and shaking.

And when you came to, thoroughly exhausted, you noticed that he was waiting for your say so. That he could let go and enjoy the pleasure brought about by your shared labour.

“Coming-“ was all the warning that you got and was enough to encourage you to watch him as he came, his face completely void of anything other than pure pleasure. Wrinkles and frowns fade, his mouth falling open with his pink lips glinting prettily under the dim Christmas lights around you.

His forehead gleamed with sweat as he wrapped his arms around you tightly and his hips bucked up one, two and three times for good measure. “Fuck me,” he heaved gruffly.

You were suddenly desperate to feel his lips on yours despite the way you both continued to fight to get your breath back, but settled for resting them against the skin of his cheek, which was hot to the touch.

When you felt Harry start to go soft, you reluctantly pulled away and let him slip out of you. He wasn’t so keen to let you get too far, holding you just that bit higher than before with his hand cupping gently but firmly at your hip. “Where’d you think you’re going,” he hummed, eyes still closed as he continued to heavily inhale and exhale.

You softly smiled, taking in his soft face and responded by nuzzling close to him again.

Nowhere. Somewhere. Anywhere with him.

A place where only the two of you knew, like the back of your hand. The same way you knew each other. Now and possibly forever.

#gbsxmaschallenge #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry smut #harry styles x reader #harry x reader #harry styles x you #harry x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles christmas #harry christmas

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ingek73 · 4 years ago

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Stifling, Toxic and Racist—Duchess Meghan Never Had a Chance at The Palace

Royal editor-at-large Omid Scobie sounds off on the outdated practices and attitudes within the royal family that left the Duke and Duchess of Sussex forced to make a change.

BY OMID SCOBIE

MAR 10 2021, 3:20 PM EST

I remember the feeling of frustration well. My work on an extensive biography of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Finding Freedom, was coming to an end. After hearing countless stories from multiple people close to the couple about how they felt unsupported and unprotected by the institution of the monarchy, it was time to address the matter with the palace side. A chance for them to respond.

“This is nonsense. … We did absolutely everything [for Meghan],” the senior aide told me over the phone. I asked for examples. “Everybody welcomed her, and she was given all the support she needed,” they continued. I asked again. “They forget how accommodating we were when it came to navigating the duchess through her first steps [as a working royal],” the aide added, somewhat curtly. I had several conversations like this over the weeks that followed—each party, be they from Clarence House, Buckingham Palace, or Kensington Palace, for the most part seemingly baffled by the Sussexes’ grievances. Finally, I took what I had and moved on.

Well over a year has passed since these calls, and the full severity of Harry and Meghan’s situation has finally been laid bare. Sitting in front of Oprah Winfrey, the duchess tearfully opened up about her darkest days as a working member of the royal family. Unprotected, undefended, and left to face a near-daily barrage of hateful commentary and negative stories, Meghan revealed how her circumstances had, at times, seen her virtually stuck indoors for weeks on end. Lunch with friends could have momentarily lifted her spirits, but social outings were dismissed by royal family members and aides who said it would be better to lie low. Her image was “everywhere right now,” they told her. Her isolated existence stood out in particular to her worried mother, Doria Ragland, who during a summer 2019 visit to Frogmore Cottage was surprised to discover that neither she nor her daughter was able to go out into Windsor town to pick up coffees. “You’re stuck in here,” Doria told Meghan at the time, according to a source.

The Oprah interview was the world’s first time hearing Meghan describe the true toll of the palace’s “no comment” policy when it came to dealing with inaccurate press coverage. One report that caused Meghan particular upset was the November 2018 allegation that she’d made the Duchess of Cambridge cry during a children’s bridesmaid dress fitting for her Windsor Castle wedding. Though the palace knew the claims were untrue (and that it was, in fact, Kate who made Meghan cry), Meghan was repeatedly told that it would not be possible to set the record straight, despite it being a story that fed into a stereotype-laden narrative. Other royal family members were often afforded more sympathetic support when it came to dealing with inaccurate press (officials even issued a statement to deny Kate’s use of Botox in July 2019), but both Harry and Meghan felt they did not have access to this same privilege.

The couple’s exasperation came to a head in January 2020, when Kensington Palace urgently requested that Prince Harry cosign a statement against an “offensive” newspaper report stating Prince William “constantly bullied” the Sussexes before their decision to step away. “Well, if we’re just throwing any statement out there now, then perhaps KP can finally set the record straight about me [not making Kate cry],” Meghan emailed an aide, asking why side of the story public image was never considered important to anyone. But, as with many requests made by the couple, her suggestion was ignored. The Duchess of Cambridge, she was told, should never be dragged into idle gossip.

Meghan’s state of well-being deteriorated as the institution refused to defend or protect her during her toughest moments. Talking to Oprah, Meghan revealed that her mental health was so fragile during her pregnancy that she “didn’t want to be alive anymore.” She turned to senior staff—including the palace’s own HR department—but her plea for help in January 2019 was repeatedly shut down. It’s not a good look for the family, she was told. Even friends who wanted to help her or speak up in her defense were regularly reminded by palace aides to keep quiet. As the cruel commentary, racist attacks, death threats, and negative tabloid stories piled up—and the institution continued to ignore the problem—Meghan later likened the experience to a friend as “death by a thousand cuts.” Her reference to an ancient Chinese execution method was no coincidence.

For the millions around the world who watched Meghan share her story, some of the experiences shared were perhaps all too familiar. Princess Diana revealed in several interviews that she considered suicide during her marriage to Prince Charles and spoke candidly about her battles with bulimia and mental distress, both of which were ignored by the institution of the monarchy. Sarah, Duchess of York, was also open about how the pressures and loneliness that came with palace life led to her own struggle with eating disorders.

When Kate quickly found public adoration as the Duchess of Cambridge, the palace would proudly tell members of the press that lessons from the past had been learned. “There has been a concerted effort to ensure that history never repeats itself,” one senior staff member working for the Cambridges told me in 2014. Yet, here we are in 2021, with a very real image of Britain’s oldest and most revered establishment once again engaged in neglect and gaslighting, and dismissing mental health.

This time, however, race—or more specifically, racism—plays a major role. Harry and Meghan’s revelation that a member of the royal family (not the queen or Prince Philip) had expressed “concern” over how dark the skin of the queen’s great-grandson might be, left many, including Oprah herself, openmouthed. But for those familiar with the institution—which on Sunday celebrated the diversity of the Commonwealth realm’s population of 2.4 billion—it comes as less of a surprise. This is an establishment that only last week briefed The Times of London that Meghan wanted to be royal “the Beyoncé way,” and that the help offered to her included establishing the queen’s Black equerry (a senior attendant, if you will) as a “mentor.” Princess Michael of Kent’s ignorance regarding wearing a blackamoor brooch during her first encounter with Meghan is a reminder that even racial sensitivity can be lacking within the family. An establishment that, as Meghan herself explained, has yet to learn the difference between rude and racist press coverage. The stiff upper lip, no matter how painful the attacks, was expected to remain impossibly rigid at all times.

The palace has continually proven itself to be unable to empathize with any person who crumbles under the pressures of its outdated and unreasonable expectations.

But when does forced silence turn into abuse? Ignoring gossip and drama may fall under the royal family’s famed (but questionable) “never complain, never explain” mantra, but expecting the victim of racism to remain voiceless while sections of the press call her “ghetto,” “straight outta Compton,” and “un-royal” borders on complicit with the attacks. As does refusing to learn how to identify the existence of the very racism that fuels them.

If it’s not considered appropriate to acknowledge racism or racial ignorance when aimed at a mixed-raced senior royal, then how should the 54 countries of the Commonwealth and its predominantly Black, Brown, and mixed population feel about the realm’s figurehead belonging to an institution that claims to celebrate “diversity” but in practice appears to uphold white supremacy? And if the lack of awareness Harry described to Oprah is true, then were race-related public duties, including Prince William recently calling out racism in British soccer and Prince Charles speaking out about racism in architecture in 2000, simply performative? It’s hard to forget that across the full lineup of working royals, all failed to acknowledge last year’s Black Lives Matter movement, which saw just as much protesting across the United Kingdom as the United States.

A brief, 61-word statement shared on behalf of the queen by the palace on March 9 revealed that the family is “saddened” by how challenging recent years have been for the Sussexes. But with the note also admitting that the family are somehow only just learning of the “full extent” of the couple’s experiences, isn’t it all a bit late? With yet another “commoner” leaving the House of Windsor emotionally battered and bruised, the palace has continually proven itself to be unable to empathize with any person who crumbles under the pressures of its outdated and unreasonable expectations. A glass-half-full view is that recent events could perhaps serve as a catalyst for change (and I hope they are). But given Harry’s own admission that his family is trapped within a “system” so fearful of the British press and public that they’re often unable to live up to their own ideals, is it actually time for us to just finally set them free?

#royals #meghan markle #prince harry #brf #duchess of sussex #duke of sussex #kate middleton #prince william #british royal family #duchess of cambridge #duke of cambridge #omid scobie #princess diana #sarah ferguson

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farfromtommy · 4 years ago

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home (sebastian stan x fem!reader)

not my gif

summary: sebastian is interviewed during quarantine and is asked about life at home with his wife and kids

a/n: i was so ready to post my first draft of this and it was 2800 words and i read it again and hated it and deleted so much stuff but wrote even more now its 3600 words WHAT AM I DOINGGG. i read a fic in this sort of style and absolutley loved it. i don’t remember who wrote it but i believe it was a chris evans x reader. if you know what it is please let me know! the italics are the interviewer and regular text is sebastian! thanks for reading in advance! this was mildly edited for grammatical mistakes i will edit it soon i have so much school work i’ve fallen behind on but spent hours writing this oop

wordcount: 2,800

masterlist

taglist

Sebastian! It is really good to see you. How are you? How is life at home?

-Hey! It’s good to see you, too. I’m doing pretty well, considering. I have

nothing to complain about. I’m here with my wife and kids and we’re enjoying this time with each other.

How is everyone at home handling the madness?

-We’re all doing fairly well. It’s not easy having to change our routines so drastically, especially with 2 toddlers. They were frustrated with us and we were frustrated with them at first, but we adjusted and are trying to take it day by day.

As you know, we’re doing these interviews with a handful of celebrities, talking a little about their lives as parents during these unprecedented times. As a fairly new father, we were interested to see how things have been in the Stan household and a little more about your family life. Thank you for allowing us to ask you these questions. I know you keep your personal life private from the public.

-I don’t mind at all, I love talking about them. I could go on and on about them for days, so ask away.

How did you meet your wife, Y/N?

-I met her through a mutual friend. They had this party that we were both invited to and had introduced us. I believe she had gotten out of a pretty serious relationship not too long before we met, and from the get-go was not interested in talking to me at all.

How long before she gave you a chance?

-After a few drinks I went up to her and told her if she didn’t want to go out with me she didn’t have to, but that I heard so many great things about her and wanted to get to know her better. We exchanged numbers and we talked on the phone almost daily and when she was ready, I took her out on a date. The rest is history.

Where did meeting her fall into your life career-wise? What were you working on when you met her?

-We met in April of 2014, so I believe Cap 2 had just premiered and I was signing on to do The Martian and The Bronze.

Was she a fan of any of your work before you met?

-She had told me on one of those phone calls before we had officially started dating that she was a fan of shows like Pretty Little Liars, New Girl and was a huge fan of Gossip Girl, which I was on for a considerable amount of time, and I guess she didn’t realize it until I said something about it. Very early on I had promised to cook her dinner so she went to my place and we had dinner and then drank too much wine and watched a handful of the episodes I was in. The whole time she couldn’t get over how different I looked.

I’ve seen the pictures of you two at your movie premieres, does she like going to those with you?

-She loves it when we dress up and go somewhere nice, so premieres are right up her alley. She doesn’t participate in the interviews or anything but loves walking the carpet with me and standing in front of the photographers. I always have her close to me and I’ll be saying things to her to make her laugh, which in turn makes me laugh. We get good shots out of those moments.

What was the very first premiere you took her to?

-Our first premiere was probably Civil War. I had taken her to some film festivals and other events before but that was our first big movie premiere together. We actually got married shortly after that premiere.

I remember when you both walked out on the carpet at the Toronto Film Festival in 2017 for the premiere of I, Tonya, you had a pretty big surprise for everyone.

-Indeed we did. Y/N was about 34 weeks pregnant with our twin girls when we went and that's how we announced it! She was nervous about everything that day but she looked phenomenal and stole the carpet. We have a joke that she’s always pregnant when we go because she was 16 or 17 weeks along with our son when we went for the premiere of Endings, Beginnings in 2019.

That is amazing, I didn’t know that!

-No one did except for us, until now!

What would she say has been her favorite movie you’ve been in?

-That’s a hard one. Every time a new movie comes out with me in it, she says it’s her favorite. But I think it would have to be between Endings, Beginnings or Hot Tub Time Machine.

Hot Tub Time Machine is definitely the right answer to that question.

-I agree!

Let’s talk a little bit about your kids. You have 2 daughters and a son?

-Yes! Y/N and I had our twin girls, Genevieve and Elena, in 2017 and our son Luca earlier this year.

You sent me a few pictures of them and they are beautiful. Congratulations to you and Y/N on the new baby. How is everyone adjusting to the new addition?

-Thank you! I think now that we have a somewhat steady routine now, it’s a little easier for all of us. He’s only 3 months old so he’s still waking up every few hours to eat and it was hard on us for the first few weeks since we still have 2 toddlers requiring our attention as long as their eyes are open. But being home all the time and not working at all has given us the time we needed to establish a new routine for us with an extra person in our home. Y/N and I are a great team and work well together.

Do the girls help you guys out at all with Luca?

-They love helping Y/N with Luca. We bought them some of those creepy baby alive dolls that you can feed and change their diapers when we first found out she was pregnant, and they were thrilled. Once we brought them home they couldn’t believe they had a real baby to take care of. It’s the sweetest thing ever.

What kind of things do they do?

-Y/N is breastfeeding Luca, so she’ll sit on the rocking chair in our bedroom or on the couch and is confined to that spot for however long he eats for and she always gets super thirsty while doing it. So I bought her this water bottle that keeps her water cold and is easy to carry around when she’s holding him, but she never remembers to fill it before she sits down to feed him, so they will run to the kitchen and fill it for her. Or if she forgets her phone in the bedroom, they’ll go and grab it for her. They sit next to her and talk to Luca about their cartoons or anything they think of. When I’m on diaper duty, they grab the wipes for me and help me pick out his new outfit. Gen loves picking out his clothes and Elena helps me put them on him.

That is amazing, you and Y/N are raising some pretty wonderful kids.

-They are pretty remarkable, they take after their mom.

Who do your kids take after, looks-wise?

-The girls look more and more like Y/N every day. Her parents sent us pictures from when she was their age and it’s scary how identical the three of them are. Luca is starting to look a little bit like how I did when I was a baby, I’m super pumped about that. They all have blue eyes very similar to mine, and all have my cleft chin.

Is it safe to say Gen and Elena are daddy’s girls and Luca is a mama’s boy?

-Absolutely. There are days when I cannot get Luca to relax and stop fussing but the minute he hears Y/N’s voice, he’s calm and it’s like nothing is wrong. His favorite place in the world is on her chest with his ear against her heart. He loves to stare at her whenever she’s holding him or if I’m holding him and she’s across the room, he’s got his eyes on her. He’s always just absolutely taken by her and refuses to let her out of his sight. He gets it from me. The girls are a little more complicated. When they’re full of energy and want to be rowdy and obnoxious, they run right to me because I love chasing them around the house or having them climb all over me. When they are chilled out and want to play with their dolls, color, or watch cartoons they always go to Y/N. The three of them love laying in our bed watching cartoons with one girl on either side of Y/N. I bet that’s what they’re doing right now. But they’re 100% daddy’s girls, don’t let the cuteness in our bed fool you.

How do you and Y/N handle the inevitable tantrums?

-We have created a really good system with them. If one of them starts to have a meltdown we separate them before the other one starts getting upset, we take whoever is having the meltdown and sit down on the floor and try to get them to talk to us about why they’re upset and allow them to express their feelings to us. We want to teach them how to understand and express what they’re feeling and develop the skills to deal with them in the future. The same goes for if they have tantrums at the same time or if they’re upset with me or Y/N. When they’re ready we put the girls together and have them apologize or say whatever needs to be said.

What do your days look like now that you’re at home with them?

-Luca wakes us up at about 6 am to eat and a diaper change. Mornings are one of the only times Y/N and I have to ourselves so we go back to bed and just enjoy being there with each other. The girls come in around 8 and want to get under the covers and cuddle with us for a bit. Sometimes we’ll get Luca out of his bassinet and it’ll be all 5 of us, but usually we take this time to love on our girls for a bit before we get our day started. After an hour or so they start to get hungry so one of us will stay in bed with the kids while the other handles breakfast. Once we get them out of bed and they’ve had breakfast I play with them before I do some work. I’ll work for a couple of hours and then we’ll eat lunch together and all the kids go down for naps.

-During their nap Y/N and I are working out a little and tidying up around the house. When the girls wake up they’re full of energy and we’re chasing them around and keeping Luca happy until dinner. After dinner they all have bath time with mom and I’m finishing up some work and doing the endless amounts of laundry we have. Bedtime for the girls is 9 pm and after they’re asleep we’re in the living room with Luca until he starts to get tired and he goes back into our room and goes to sleep. When all the kids are in bed we’re in the living room watching a movie or listening to music and talking to each other. We’ll take a shower or a bath together before we get ready for bed and do the same thing all over again!

Wow! You guys have your hands full it seems.

-Kids are no joke. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when Luca is mobile. My life nowadays is chasing after toddlers and laundry. So. Much. Laundry. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way, I love being a dad.

Have you thought about taking everyone to Romania and showing them where you grew up?

-Y/N and I went in 2016 while we were in Europe for our honeymoon and spent a couple of days there. We had talked about going this year or the next and leaving the girls with her parents but then we found out she was pregnant with Luca and we don’t want to leave him when he’s too young. Maybe when they’re older and can appreciate it more we’ll take them, I’d love for them to learn a little bit about their history.

Have you taught them any Romanian?

-I have. My mom encouraged me to introduce them to it when they’re young so they’ll absorb it better. The girls know a couple of words and can understand and speak basic sentences when I’m talking to them in Romanian. They’re picking it up a lot quicker than I thought they would. Luca just giggles when I talk to him in any language.

What about Y/N? Did you ever try teaching her?

-I did, and still am. One of the ways I tried impressing her when we first got together was how I could speak a different language and she loved it and made me promise to teach her the basics. When things got serious and I introduced her to my mom, we spent the whole evening teaching her simple words and phrases. She’s good at picking up what we’re saying and putting everything together to understand what we said. I translated for her the entire time we were in Romania. She knew what she wanted to say but didn’t know how to say it. She’s getting there.

What changes when you are cast for a movie that is going to keep you away from home for an extended amount of time?

-Before I met Y/N and had kids, I was taking jobs wherever and didn’t care if I was going to be away for months at a time. Once we brought up about settling down and buying a house together and starting a family we had a long conversation about where my career was going to go and how we were going to fit a family into that. She never wanted me to give up what I love doing and always said a family could wait until I was ready to step back from acting. I knew most of the things I’d be working on would be based in New York or Atlanta. We have our house in New York and it only made sense to have a house in Atlanta. Now whenever I’m needed in Atlanta for work, we pack up some things and have it shipped to our house down there.

How did you handle having to shoot for Infinity War and Endgame for so long?

-Luckily I didn’t have a huge role in either of them and didn’t have to be on set as much compared to Evans or really anyone else in that movie. Shooting started for Infinity War January of 2017 and we bought our house down there just a few months prior. I had some other things I was working on in Atlanta and we had just decided to stay down there until everything was wrapped. We got there at the beginning of February and found out Y/N was pregnant with the girls about a month after that. We wrapped Infinity War in July and Endgame started in August. We did the premiere for I, Tonya, and went back to Atlanta since I would be needed there again. Y/N went into labor a few weeks later and we had the girls in Atlanta right in the middle of shooting Endgame.

Did you take them to set to introduce them to everyone?

-We did. We had them a couple of weeks before we shot the final scenes in Endgame and when Y/N was a bit stronger, I asked her to bring them to set for morale and dear God everyone lost their minds. Everyone knew we had them but I wasn’t on set at all until that day and a couple of hours into shooting I told everyone to be prepared for what was coming and with everyone standing around looking confused, here comes Y/N with these 2 tiny babies in her arms. I have some pretty epic pictures and me holding them with the metal arm on and Evans holding them with the Cap suit.

Who do you trust most to babysit them out of everyone you worked with on Endgame?

-Evans is definitely on the top of my babysitter's list. He did watch them a few times when he was in Atlanta for a another movie while we were shooting Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Y/N and I needed a date night and he offered to stay at our house and watch them. The girls adore him. Mackie is great with them, too. I could probably call Tom Holland if I was desperate.

Did Y/N have Luca while you were shooting The Falcon and the Winter Soldier?

-Yes. We started shooting in November of 2019 in Atlanta, and she was about 24 weeks pregnant. I took her and the girls with me and Y/N went into labor in February.

When production was set to move to Europe, were they all going with you?

-So when we found out we were set to shoot in Prague we knew Y/N and Luca weren’t going to be able to go since he was going to be too young to travel out of the country. We planned to get her and the baby back to New York in March and I was going to take the girls to Europe with me, so Y/N could focus on Luca and not have to take care of all 3 of them by herself. We were shooting for 3 weeks so it wasn’t a crazy amount of time for us to be apart.

How did the virus change those plans?

-When news of the virus spreading broke we got Y/N, Luca, and the girls to New York before it spread here. Y/N has some family in Florida so they drove up and flew to New York with her so she had help with the baby and the girls. Production was halted the first week of March and I was on the next plane to New York to get back to them.

How scary was it sitting at home with your 3 young kids just watching how quickly the virus was spreading?

-It was terrifying. As a parent all you want is to protect your kids from anything that can hurt them, and you’ll do anything to make sure they’re safe and healthy. I had never felt so helpless. When the numbers kept rising and rising here I felt like we had made a mistake coming back and wished we would’ve stayed in Atlanta. But we didn’t know how long this was going to be happening so it was ultimately the right move to come back here. I’m the one who does all the grocery shopping and leaving the house for essentials. Y/N and Luca have had a few postpartum appointments and checkups but that’s the only time either of them is going out. We are lucky to have a yard for the girls to run around and be able to play outside and for us to get fresh air.

We’re just about wrapped up here but I have a few more questions. These are questions that some fans sent in. How has your life changed over these past few years since becoming a husband and father?

-It’s changed for the better. Meeting Y/N was probably one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me and has given me so many amazing opportunities in my life I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I’m not even just talking about becoming a dad, but she has helped me see things in me I never saw before and she pushed me to become better. I’ve become a better person because of her. There are so many things having kids has taught me, I could probably write books about it. I love my kids with everything in me and couldn’t imagine my life without them, and I never want to.

Do you want more kids?

-Y/N and I would love to have another baby. I don’t want to overwhelm myself or Y/N with adding another baby into the mix too soon. I still have a lot of commitments I’ve made to work once all of this craziness is over. Maybe in a couple of years when I can step back from acting, we’ll revisit the idea of another baby. I do need one more boy to level the playing field. There are going to be 2 teenage girls in this house eventually, I’m going to need all the testosterone I can get. But right now, everything is perfect.

What is one thing you want to make sure your kids remember about you and Y/N after you guys are long gone?

-I want them to remember the love we had for them, and for each other. There’s a line from The Office I always think about every time I see Y/N. “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” My kids are never going to doubt for a second the love I have for Y/N. I hope they grow up believing in that sort of love and one day can share it with their person like I am with mine.

Thank you Sebastian for this amazing interview. I send all my love and well wishes to you, Y/N, Genevieve, Elena, and Luca.

-I’ll be sure to pass that along, thank you so much!

a/n: im a sucker for dad!seb this made me SO SOFT

tagging some mutuals : @bellamys @constantaking @auroraevans @angrybirdcr @auroraevans @tfandtws @smilexcaptainx @rubberducky-jrr @rosetintedbucky @disaffectedbarnes @cosmicbucky @spideyspoods @hollandsosterfield @spideybrie @wildflowerbarnes @marvelxholland @cutesparker @afictionaladventure16

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likeadevils · 4 years ago

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hey! for your post about sun moon and rising but with taylor albums, can you list out the characteristics of each album? i'm having a hard time associating them and it'd make it a lot easier, if you could do that :)

oh totally! Its really all about your personal association, so i’ll give vibes for the era and the album. a good rule of thumb is to read the prologue if you want the tone for the era quickly. honestly, there’s no set system, go wild

taylor swift (2006) “debut”

era: blue and teal and brown. cowboy boots and sundresses, wild curly hair, trucks and mud and wildflowers. very 2006, very high school, very country

album: swings between pining from a distance and wanting to destroy a boys whole ass life and feeling like you have no friends and no one understands you in the whole world. like I said, very high school, but also full of whole ass bangers

fearless (2008)

era: yellow and white. 24/7 prom. she’s got the fairy tale aesthetics set in high school, she’s got calling your ex boyfriend out on national television, she's got so many headbands. god to be 8 years old when the joe jonas/taylor swift drama was going down

album: again, fairy tale set in high school. lots of crushes, lots of realizing men aren’t shit. it’s about the pull between childhood ideals and real life tearing them down, and deciding how much you should cling to your dreams and how much you have to let them go. it’s also a pull between knowing that these little moments are kinda ridiculous but also taking everything so goddamn seriously

speak now (2010)

era: purple purple purple. she’s starting to grow up! her look has evolved out of sundresses and prom dresses and into a more preppy style. she’s moved out of fantasy and into this like. circus aesthetic? 30s movie type thing? watch the mean music video, idk how to explain it. her hair is still curly and but under control, and she’s solidly Famous at this point. the idea that she can’t sing is Big, and the man-eater stereotype is starting to get popular

album: she’s starting to grow out of country. she’s experimenting with rock, but her pop sound is starting to take off. it’s all about Dramatics: she’s experienced her first heartbreak, broke someone else’s heart, and was in an emotionally abusive relationship all within two years. she’s moved out of her parents house and is both infantilized and forced to grow up to fast by the media.

red (2012)

era: its 2012 hipster style. her hair is Straight and she’s wearing vintage dresses everywhere, and she’s posting sketches of red lips and quotes from fitzgerald about heartbreak and finding yourself on instagram. she is dating and breaking up with harry styles Very Publically, and its the last major relationship she’ll have for two more years. the idea that she dates to much is everywhere, and she’s being slut shamed to an insane degree, while also being dismissed as a goody-two-shoes

album: it’s designed so each song has the opposite emotions of the song before it. it’s dramatic and it’s heart wrenching and it portrays these relationships that were toxic and messy and captivating. has the last vestiges of country, some more rock, and the first pure Pop songs, all nestled against each other to give you the epic highs and lows of being 22

1989 (2014)

era: its the height of her stardom, and she’s more beloved then she’s ever been and (probably) will ever be again. she’s cut her hair and moved to New York, she’s wearing high waisted stuff and taking polaroids, and she’s been single for two years and it’s has given her the freedom to find a “tight” group of friends and herself. shes talking about third wave feminism all the time, she’s papped every day, and she started dating c*lvin h*rris; they date for a year, he was the first boyfriend to be posted on social media, and the one she was with the longest (until her current bf). publically, she’s the happiest and most successful she’s ever been. personally, it’s more complicated, especially by the last few months. “she lost him, but she found herself and somehow that was everything” and “from the girl who said she would never cut her hair or move to new york or find happiness in a world where she wasn't in love”

album: single handedly brings 80s pop into the mainstream. (like seriously, her only contemporary influence is lana del rey, and even that is only on a few tracks. listening to this when it came out was a religious experience). it sounds basic now but only because she influenced all of the pop music that came after her. its also her first sonically cohesive album since fearless. subject matter wise, its very 80s movie. it’s the first album without a break up song that ruins a man's whole career— no cold as you, dear john, or all too well type. the relationship is on and off again, but more muted and mature then the tumultuous ones portrayed on red. its very star crossed; two people who just can’t find the right time. she’s also writing about how fame has affected her— blank space, shake it off, and i know places all directly reference it, but the idea that the whole world is watching is woven all throughout the album

bleachella (2016)

this isn't an album but its definitely an era

taylor has become so oversaturated that people are starting to turn on her, and her mental health is suffering. her relationship with c*lvin h*rris is falling apart, she's changing her hair every couple of moths (most notably she bleaches it, and goes to coachella. so like bleachella), and then all of a sudden The Phone Call happens. kim and kanye release edited footage of a phone call that makes it seem like taylor swift is a liar who intentionally plays the victim to stay in the public’s good graces, and the world pounces on it. between that and the idea that her friend group is super cliche-y and exclusionary, her reputation is ruined and she goes in hiding for months. before going into hiding though, she breaks it off with c*lvin (he throws a FIT on twitter) and starts a whirlwind romance with tom hiddleston that includes them flying all over the world on vacations and meeting each others parents super quickly. this all happens in one summer.

reputation (2017)

era: black and white and gold. very edgy, very rich, lots of snakes and casual wealth. there’s the aesthetic of her being very hurt and defensive and lashing out, but the reality of her being the happiest she’s ever been. she’s still famous, but she’s learned how to have a private life and healthy relationships. the tough times have shown her who and what’s important to her

album: pretty much that. the first half is brash and bombastic and playing off what people expect her to be like, how they expect her to fall in and out of love quickly and manipulate those around her to see her as a good person (while exploring sounds that no one expected her to explore) and the second half slows it down and shows her falling in love more explicitly and sweetly and under cover. “in the death of her reputation she felt truly alive” and “finding love through all the noise”

lover (2019)

era: bright pink and pastels and bright colors and happiness and butterflies!! she’s in love and beloved by the general public again, but all of her past albums have been stolen from her by a man she thought she could trust. sadly cut off short by covid. “step into the daylight and let it go”

album: her messiest album (sonically) since red. a popular saying when it first came out was that it had the writing of speak now but the sound of 1989, which is... understandable? its the kind of thing you have to form your own opinion on. it’s on the surface all bubblegum pop and being in love, but it has some of the absolute saddest songs of her entire discography. a 18 song long rollercoaster

folklore and evermore

preface: these are definitely two separate albums and there’s a definitely a difference but this girl has so many albums and it’s taken me an hour to answer this ask and it’s 1am right now so i’m gonna smush them together. go listen to them, and we’re in the era right now

eras: it been covid so all we’ve got are a couple performances and the album visuals. cottagecore, a return to the small town setting of her first two albums, very understated and timeless. one noteworthy element is that both albums were surprise releases (especially after lover had almost a year of build up that kinda worked against it). she’s reached a level of artistic respect that she’s never had

albums: folklore is a level of sonic and thematic cohesion comparable to 1989, as well as having a similar feeling of like. oh god we’ve been waiting for you to make an album like this for years and you’ve still exceeded every exception and made it surprising. evermore is mostly a continuation of its sound, though it’s a bit more experimental. both albums are incredibly mature, and move into non-autobiographical storytelling for most of the songs. it’s easy to build your own world based on one or both of the albums. their main themes are also mostly divorced from relationships, and more tied to personal identity and mental state (though there is quite a bit about divorce and heartbreak in both)

#sorry this took so long but damn that’s a big ask for someone who never shuts up #and by someone I mean me but also taylor #anonymous #asks*

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burberryharold · 5 years ago

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Alone Together

Part One

Hello, guys! I’ve finally come around to writing my first fanfic on Tumblr and to say that I’m excited would be an understatement. I’ve had this idea for a while now and I’m hoping you guys like it; Alone Together follows the journey of Ellie and Harry through this rough period of quarantine. It’s just a little something I thought of and decided to have fun with it and make the best out of the current situation, so I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think! This is gonna be a series but I haven’t settled on how long it’s gonna be yet, but for now here’s Part One of Alone Together.

February 25th, Tuesday

Ellie huffed and wiped her forehead, taking notice of the dark strands of hair clinging onto her face from the sweat. She deeply regretted sending off the moving people, insisting that she can handle the rest of the boxes herself. Big mistake. She was by no means weak or incapable of lifting heavy items, but after a long day of moving back and forth from her old flat to her new one, Ellie was absolutely exhausted. In retrospect, she realised that she should not have moved all of her things in one day, but it’s too late, she has to face the consequences of her decision. Damn me for thinking that this was a good idea, Ellie thought to herself.

Staring at the boxes in the hallway in hopes that they would magically move themselves, Ellie failed to notice that someone walked out of the elevator and was heading in her direction.

“Ellie? Ellie Heart? Is that you?” a deep yet familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Ellie’s hand flew to her chest as she gasped at the sudden voice, “Bloody hell, you scared the shit out of me!”

She finally opened her eyes to look at the person as he chuckled; her jaw dropped at the familiar sights of chocolate curls and green eyes. “Harry? What? What are you doing here?” she questioned with wide eyes.

Her heart fluttered at the sight of him; she had not seen Harry in quite a while and was shocked to see him standing outside of her new flat. “Are you stalking me, Styles? Is that what this is?” she jokingly narrowed her eyes at him, resting her hands on her hips.

Harry ‘s bright eyes twinkled in amusement.

“Oh yes, Heart, that’s exactly what I’m doing, you caught me.” He raised his hands in surrender.

Ellie's smile widened at his words and she started taking in his attire. He was sporting a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie with “Treat People With Kindness” printed on it, despite it being an abnormally warm afternoon. She smiled at his choice of outfit and decided to tease him for it, “Nice hoodie you got there, Harry, I see you’re still your usual narcissistic self.”

Harry threw his head back in laughter at her words, “Good to see that you’re still as funny as I remember you, Ellie, it’s been a while.” He flashed her another bright smile and gestured to the boxed discarded along the hallway, “I take it that you’re just moving in?”

Ellie nodded, suddenly remembering that she’s standing in front of him drenched in sweat and looking disheveled, while he managed to look like he just stepped out of a runway, despite his casual outfit. “Just moved literally all of my things here today, which was a huge mistake if I’m being honest, but yeah.” She paused after taking notice of the grocery bags resting beside his feet, “Wait, do you live here as well?”

There were only three flats on this floor, hers, the one right across from her, and another just at the end of the hallway. “This is me, just moved in here recently actually,” Harry pointed at the door beside him, “My house is being fumigated because of bloody termites and I’ve been meaning to do some renovations, so this seemed like an appropriate time. Can’t go back home for a few weeks so.”

A shy smile made its way onto Ellie’s lips, “Guess we’ll be neighbours for the meantime then, huh?”

She marveled at the sight of his dimples, “I’m looking forward to it.”

Ellie tried to ignore the way her heart started pounding faster at the prospect of having Harry so close to her for a few weeks. It’s just a little crush, El, let it go.

Ellie being a huge fan of Harry is no secret to anyone that knows her, not even to Harry himself she fears. Even as a One Direction-obsessed teenager, she’s always paid Harry a little extra attention. When his debut album came out, Ellie was beyond ecstatic. She had known that Harry was a fan of artists like the Rolling Stones and Fleetwood Mac, and she definitely felt their influences on him in music, both in his solo career and in One Direction. So, despite being absolutely devastated that the band is on a hiatus, Ellie can’t deny that she is enjoying their solo careers.

They had originally met back in 2014 when Julian Bunnetta first introduced them to each other. She’d known Julian for about a year, having worked on a number of songs with him. She was no stranger to his close relationship to the band, but she had never expected to ever meet any of the members. Needless to say, Ellie was floored when she saw Julian approaching her, at the party he dragged her to, with the tall, handsome boy beside him.

Julian smirked at her wide eyes, “El, this is Harry, but you already knew that,” he sent her a wink. “H, this is Ellie, the songwriter I’ve been telling you about.”

Had she heard him correctly? Did he just say that he has talked about her to Harry Styles?

Ellie had to pull herself together as the boy smiled in recognition, “Hello, Ellie, it’s good to finally meet you! Been hearing a lot of things about you, this guy won’t stop talking about how insanely talented you are.”

Ellie thinks she’s about to faint.

She’s met a couple of celebrities from working alongside Julian, but she has never been this starstruck before. And the fact that Julian has been praising her songwriting talent in front of Harry does not help ease her erratic heartbeat.

“I- uh- thanks?” She wanted to facepalm. “You too- I mean, um, thank you, I’m such a huge fan of you guys.”

Harry chuckled at her response, “Thank you, Julian may or may not have mentioned that before.”

She narrowed her eyes at Julian, who had an amused expression on his face. “Oh yeah, told him all about your crazy obsession with him.”

“Julian!” Ellie groaned and covered her face with her hands, feeling the warmth rushing to her cheeks, “You bloody knobhead, I hate you.”

“Don’t worry, love” Harry laughed, “he only had good things to say about you, and if anything, I’m flattered.”

Ever since that night, they’ve only ran into each other two other times, which Ellie was disappointed about. Once when she had worked with the band on What A Feeling, and another back in January 2019. Ellie was surprised when her friend Tom Hull called her one night and invited her to the studio, saying that he and a friend of his were struggling with a song and he wanted her help. She hadn’t hesitated and went to meet him the following day at a studio in Malibu. What Tom had failed to mention was that his friend was Harry Styles, who was working on his second album.

Her eyes had noticeably widened when they fell upon the tall figure standing in the corner, talking to someone on the phone. She immediately darted towards her friend and pinched his arm, “You didn’t think to tell me that Harry was here?” she whispered-exclaimed. A wide grin painted Tom’s lips, “Thought I’d surprise you.”

Since then, after spending a whole day helping them with the verse and the bridge on a song called Canyon Moon, Ellie hasn’t seen the rockstar. Until now.

She didn’t even think it was possible for him to look any more beautiful than he already is, but he’s managed to prove her wrong. The light stubble and mustache that graced his face made him look more mature; she remembered how he had once complained about not being able to grow any facial hair, but it seems like that has changed.

Looking that good should be a crime, she thought to herself.

Harry cleared his throat, pulling her out of her thoughts yet again, “D’you need any help with that?”

Ellie was about to shake her head and refuse, but then she bit her lip and paused. She doesn’t know if it’s because she’s exhausted, or if she just misses his presence and wants him around her for a little bit longer. She figured it was a combination of both, and that’s why she found herself saying “Actually, yeah, I’d really appreciate that.”

“Hold on a minute,” he pointed to the bags in his hands and gestured to his flat, “gotta put those inside first.”

Ellie was busy hauling a box that held her cutlery and plates into her kitchen when she heard Harry calling out for her. “Love? Where do you want me to put this?”

She tried not to think of the pet name, assuring herself that that’s just who Harry is; he’s always friendly and charming, calling people around him “love” or “sweetheart”, but it makes her heart skip a beat nevertheless.

The box had “Bedroom” messily written on it and so she pointed towards the hallway on her left, “Just down the hallway, first room on the right, please.”

His short curls bounced as he nodded his head and carried the box to her room with ease. She couldn’t help but stare at the way his arms flexed holding the box; he’d changed from his sweatshirt into a fitted black t-shirt, emphasising his muscles.

Ellie silently scolded herself for staring and went back out to the hallway, carrying yet another box. This one, however, was much heavier than the rest. She had packed all of her vases together and now sees how it was a bad idea. God, Ellie, you’re just making dumb decisions left and right, she thought silently.

She groaned as the box weighed her down and struggled to not drop it. “Hey, hey, let me.”

Harry suddenly appeared in front of her, reaching his hands out to take the box. In the process, his hands brushed hers and it took everything in Ellie to not drop the box. She felt like a silly kid, freaking out over touching a boy’s hand, but this was Harry. The same Harry who she admired and has had a crush on for as long as she can remember; she can’t just ignore the feeling of his soft hands against hers.

Get it together, Ellie.

“Thank you,” she flashed him a guilty smile, “careful, that one’s heavy.”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing,” Harry smirked and held the box as if it was as light as a feather, flexing his arms in the process, “see these guns over here? They can handle anything.”

She stopped herself from staring at his arms yet again and instead rolled her eyes, “Okay then, Superman, go put that in the living room, please.”

Harry let out a laugh and made his way towards her living room, making a show of flexing his arms and looking at her over his shoulders.

Ellie really missed him.

Once Harry and Ellie had finished moving everything into her flat, she invited him to have a drink and a little chat, to which he delightfully agreed.

After settling comfortably into the couch, with a bottle of beer in his hand, Harry turned his body towards Ellie’s and smiled, “How have you been then? Haven’t seen each other in a long time now, haven’t we?”

Ellie relaxed into her couch and nodded, “Yeah, a little over a year since I last saw you and Tommy at the studio.”

“I’ve worked on a few projects since then,” she took a sip of her drink then shook her head, “no, actually, I have worked on a lot of projects and I’ve decided to just take a break from it all.”

“A break? How come?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “I remember you saying you loved writing all the time, in fact, think you said that you couldn’t go on a day without writing at least a few lines.”

Ellie’s insides almost melted at his soft, slow voice; she’s always loved the way Harry spoke.

“I did yeah, but everyone needs a little break sometimes,” the corners of her lips turned a little upwards, surprised that he remembered. “I didn’t feel as inspired as I used to be, felt like I was just a machine producing lyrics, so I figured now is a good time to take a break and be free of any pressures.”

Harry held her gaze for a second before nodding his head. “Yeah, I get that,” he said with a soft tone, “sometimes even the thing you love doing the most can get exhausting.”

Ellie breathed out a soft sigh, knowing the meaning behind his words.

“Well, look at you now, you’re the one in complete control, aren’t ya?” she nudged his thigh with her foot that was resting on the couch. He smiled at her words.

“Loved the new album, by the way,” she sat upright, as if she suddenly remembered that he released his second album not too long ago. “Never got to congratulate you on that.”

A bright smile graced Harry’s face. “Really? You did?”

She hummed in affirmation, “How could I not? It’s so fucking good. The lyrics, the melodies, everything. You were amazing, H.”

Ellie didn’t realise what she called him until the words were out of her mouth, but Harry didn’t seem to mind. She was well aware that they were not exactly friends, having met only a few times, and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

Harry avoided her gaze and bashfully stared at his lap, “Thank you, means a lot coming from you.”

A blush burned its way to Ellie’s cheeks, wondering what he meant exactly by that, but she didn’t question it.

“Uh,” Harry cleared his throat before continuing, “what’s your favourite song then?” He asked, looking up at her through his dark lashes.

“Oh that is a tough question,” Ellie set her drink down on the coffee table and turned to him, a serious expression etched on her face. “This is gonna take a while.”

After an intense and thorough explanation of why she can’t simply choose one favourite song off of Fine Line— because, Harry, I love every song too fucking much— Ellie noticed that she’s kept Harry busy for the last two hours.

Ellie started panicking. I wasted so much of his time! What if he didn’t even want to hang out with me?

“Oh God, Harry, I’m so sorry,” she started apologising, feeling her hands getting clammy, “I’ve wasted two hours of your time and you probably had things to do-”

Frowning at her words, Harry abruptly sat up from his previous laid back position on the couch. “’course you didn’t waste my time, love, don’t say that,”

“I didn’t have anything else to do today. Went out to do a shop and I planned to stay in and watch movies, so I’m glad I ran into you.”

Ellie’s shoulders visibly relaxed and a smile made its way onto her lips, “I’m glad I ran into you too, it was nice catching up.”

She had definitely missed the curly-haired boy; she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that he’s sitting right here on her couch, but she knew he had to go soon.

“It was, and I really hope we don’t spend another year without seeing each other again.”

Warmth coursed through her body. Me too.

Harry‘s mouth opened and closed, seeming as if he had something to say then decided against it. She noticed he was playing around with the rings on his fingers, twisting them around.

“Tell you what,” Harry started, turning his focus towards her again, “how about I give you my number? You know, in case of emergency or anything since we’re neighbours now.”

Ellie mentally cursed her genes as she could feel herself blushing again, for absolutely no reason. She’s always been the type of person to get flustered and blush at everything, just like her father. Be cool, Ellie, or he’s gonna think you’re weird.

She merely nodded her head in response and mechanically handed him her phone. Harry chuckled at her and grabbed the small device. He put in his number and gave her the device back, having put his contact name as “H. Styles”

“Just text me so I know it’s you, yeah?” he rose from the couch, stretching his muscles from sitting for too long. Ellie stood up too and walked him to the door, watching as he made his way into his own flat across the hall.

After unlocking his door, Harry turned back to face her. “Have a good night, yeah? Don’t hesitate to call or text me if you need any help, okay?”

Ellie wanted to take a picture of him right then and there. The dim lights in the hallway cast a soft glow on his face, making his features look even more ethereal and soft.

“You too,” She pulled a few strands of her hair behind her ear and leaned her body against her door frame. “And thank you, that’s very sweet of you.”

He flashed her another smile and put up his hand in a small wave, the both of them backing up into their own flats and ready to close the door.

Ellie wasn’t sure if it was just the lighting or if Harry was really blushing, but she likes to think that it was the latter.

Once she made it back into her living room, she picked up her phone and typed in a new message.

“Hey, it’s me, your weird neighbour across the hall :)”

And that’s all for part one guys! What do you think about it? This part is short because I’m just introducing the story and our main character Miss Ellie Heart, but the next ones are gonna be longer so brace yourselves. I’m so glad to finally get back to writing! Everyone is quarantined at home because of COVID-19 and I have more time on my hands now to write. Let me know what you think about this and if you’d like to read the next part, I’d really love to know what you guys think!

Remember, stay home and stay safe xx

#Alone Together #Harry Styles #Harry Styles imagines #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles blurbs #Harry Styles writing #Harry Styles fluff

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badfauxmance · 4 years ago

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JLo & Arod... Real or Nah?

Hey everyone!

I’m sure some of you, like myself are tired of constantly hearing about the Seb/Ale drama filled fauxmance. I decided to place a spotlight on another hollywood romance, and see if we can decide if this couple is for real, or not.

Jennifer Lopez has been linked with several super star men in her life. She has been married 3 times, has 2 children, and was most recently engaged to Arod, but they have called off their engagement while they “work through some things”. We will go into the most recent relationship later.

JLo was married to Ojani Nao from 1997-1998. Nao is an actor and producer. Next she was married to Chris Judd from 2001-2003; Judd is an actor. Then she was married to music star Marc Anthony from 2004- 2014, the couple did have twins during their 10 year marriage.

Besides the marriages, JLo has been hooked up with P Diddy, Ben Affleck (the first Bennifer), Casper Smart (a singer), and Drake (what?), before starting a relationship with former baseball star Alex Rodriguez. They got engaged in 2019, had wanted to get married in 2020, but because of the wonderful pandemic, they postponed the wedding.

Arod has also been linked with several women in the past. Arod was married previously too, to Cynthia Scurtis, a psychology teacher. The couple were married in 2002 and stayed together for 6 years. They had 2 daughters together. I remember when the break up happened, as I am a huge Yankee fan, and well, yea. Cynthia filed for divorce due to infidelity (shocker!) as well as emotional abandonment” of her and her 2 daughters. Now maybe that is true, but I know he has a great relationship with his 2 daughters now, so I guess they either did not feel the same, or he made up with them.

After his marriage, Arod was linked with several hollywood or just famous women. He was rumored to have been dating Madonna, though neither have confirmed, Bethany Frankel from Real Housewives of NY (which makes me laugh, idk why), Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, Torrie Wilson (wrestler/model), and Anne Wojcicki who founded 23 and Me (which I found weird also).

JLo and Arod met for the first time in 2005, when the Yankees and the Mets were playing, and JLo’s then husband, Marc Anthony, took her to the game. Apparently JLo felt an “electricity” when they shook hands. Marc should have known then.

Apparently in 2017 they bumped into each other at a restaurant. JLo was having lunch with a friend and decided to tap him on the shoulder when she saw him. Not long after they separated, Arod texted her, asking her out to dinner, that sly devil! They have been dating seriously since. Even their kids hang out with the couple frequently.

They have never been shy about PDA. Always holding hands, kissing, snuggling when they are out and about. Traveling the world side by side, and even when there are not together, constantly speaking. I literally just found a picture of her facetiming him from the set of one of her shows “Shades of Blue”. In all honesty They seem like a couple truly in love.

They got engaged, and again because of this bitch of a pandemic, has to postpone, but they seemed like it didn’t bother them. But a few weeks, may months, ago the other shoe dropped. Arod was being linked with Madison LeCroy, who is on “Southern Charm”. Now I have heard all different stories regarding this scandal.

Here is what I have heard about this: Apparently Madison loves to find unavailable men and try and get them for herself. She was being “attacked” for lack of a better word on the reunion episode of Southern Charm or apparently trying to go after Jay Cutler, who was married to Kristin Cavallari, and the costar that was pissed, is friends with Kristin.

So Madison, to prove a point that she is friends with Kristin as well and talk through DMs, gave her phone to host Andy Cohen. Apparently DMs were seen by an “unnamed athlete”, while Madison was actually in a relationship with someone else. Then one of her “castmates” (do you use that term for reality TV?) made a comment about how terrible Madison was and how she flew to Miami to fuck an ex-MLB player.

Now I am sure there are quite a few ex MLB players in Miami, and it’s not just Arod, but Madison of course confirmed later on in the show that it was Arod, but she never went to Miami. Though apparently they facetimed. Now Arod, per sources of course, denied to even know Madison, so ya know, it’s the old he said she said game. However, he has liked several of her instagram photos. When will these people learn that receipts are everything in this game! Though Madison has said that they never had sex. They only spoke, a lot. So she claims he never physically cheated on JLo, but emotional cheating sometimes is worse, at least I think.

A month later JLo and Arod called off their engagement and broke up. Now this is all speculation at this point, because neither of them have really spoken about the scandal, but something tells me that JLo doesn’t take to kindly to other women touching her man (Go on girl!)

However, just as quickly as the news spread that they broke up, was as fast as they got back together, though whether they are engaged seems to be a question. JLo is currently filming in the Dominican Republic, and Arod met up with her and the couple laid it on thick for the paps in the area. Kissing, kissing, and more kissing. Are they trying to prove that they are ok? I know they said they are working through things, but why the PDA for the paps?

Personally I think they are real. But that’s my opinion, and I know I could definitely be wrong. But I want to hear what you all think. Are they real? Do you think JLo should give Arod another chance? Do you even care? Talk to me people!

~ The Non Admin Put I Need Something Different Then Ale and Seb Writer

#jlo #arod #cheating #celebrity scandal #real or fake #pr #celebrity gossip #celebrities #celebrity pr

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insanityclause · 5 years ago

Link

When the veteran actress Felicity Kendal dismissed stalking as something her profession simply had to put up with she may have won admiration in some quarters for her matter of fact ‘un-PC’ attitude.

But the threat faced by her fellow performers has become so serious that their union has for the first time felt the need to issue a set of guidelines to help actors protect themselves from obsessive fans.

Equity has warned that far from being the sort of minor irritation suggested by Kendal earlier this year, it in fact has an all too “distressing and life changing” impact on its victims.

The union warns TV, film and stage actors are particularly vulnerable because their visible public profile lends some fans to convince themselves they enjoy a special “connection” with the target of their obsession.

Performers have reported stalkers lurking outside their home or workplace and pestering them with unwanted gifts, notes and photographs.

The number of performers wanting advice about dealing with stalking has gone up since the #MeToo revelations, as actors have grown in confidence over talking about sexual harassment in the industry.

Among the actors stalked in recent years has been Keira Knighltey, whose stalker left her terrified to leave her north London home before he was detained at a psychiatric hospital indefinitely in 2017, and the Coronation Street star Kym Marsh, who was sent pornographic material through the post.

As part of its advice Equity has warned performers who fear they are being stalked to turn off GPS and location tagging on their mobile devices which might allow their movements to be tracked; record unwanted telephone conversations, answer the phone by saying ‘hello’ rather than giving their name and not show emotion in the face of a stalker.

Urging victims of stalking to report the matter to the police immediately, Equity advises performers to keep a diary of any incidents and save text messages, emails and screenshots as evidence.

The guidelines, which are being distributed online and to the union’s branches, also advise actors who receive even non-threatening letters or gifts to keep them as proof of unwanted contact.

“If any of these items contain frightening or upsetting messages, again do not throw them away and handle them as little as possible. It is important that you pass these items to the police,” it states.

Earlier this year Kendal was criticised after saying that although she had experienced stalking by a number of fans early in her career, actors who found it too distressing should simple give up the profession.

The star of The Good Life and Rosemary & Thyme said of being pestered by stalkers: “I think everybody did in those days. It was just a couple of people who came to every show and then they followed me home and they were always outside my house.

“It wasn’t serious, though. One of them was quite a sweet guy. Perhaps he was just lonely.

“Some people might be traumatised by that, but I think: ‘Well, don’t be an actress then.’ It goes with the territory to an extent. Obviously there are limits beyond which it’s frightening and terrible.

“You don’t want to be shot and you don’t want to be dragged into the bushes, but I think you instinctively know as a human being what the threshold is.”

But the guidelines, which were produced after several Equity members in its East of Scotland branch reported feeling threatened and intimidated by the obsessive activities of some fans, state: “If you are being stalked you should take action as soon as possible. Victims often delay because they feel they may be overreacting or that they may have encouraged the stalker in some way; or that they will be blamed for the situation.

“Remember you are not to blame for your stalker’s behaviour and you are not alone in having to deal with this experience.”

Matt Hood, Equity’s Assistant General Secretary, told The Telegraph: “Since the #MeToo revelations we have seen an increase in members wanting advice regarding stalking. The majority of our members are performers and it’s clear that their public profile, through television, film, stage or in clubs makes them more vulnerable to stalking than the average working person, plus the line between performance and person can become blurred.

“Our new guide aims to give our members the tools and confidence to report stalking, which is a very distressing and in some cases life-changing situation.

Although reports of stalking trebled last year, prosecution rates have plunged, according to government figures, with only around 25% of cases reported to police resulting in stalkers being charged with a crime.

BETH RYLANCE: 'There’s a part of me that will always be looking over my shoulder'

Beth Rylance, the comedy actress and star of Ministry of Curious Stuff and Sick Note, was stalked by an obsessive fan who first began pestering her on Twitter.

The man, who would tweet continually about her, reply to all her posts, call her his “woman” and post videos of her, then turned up on the doorstep of her London home in December 2014.

Rylance was left terrified.

“The panic was overwhelming and immediate. I screamed in terror, then slammed the door and ran upstairs and called the police,” said the 28-year-old. “When the police arrived he was sat on my doorstep, tweeting about me. ‘When you get over your shock, why don’t you come back down and we’ll go for coffee?’ he’d written.”

The man was arrested and eventually put on trial, where he claimed he had a secret relationship with the actress.

He was found guilty of stalking and harassment and given a two-year-long restraining order, preventing him from contacting Rylance, who first made her name in School of Comedy.

“I know I was one of the lucky ones: I got a conviction. Far too many victims of stalking don’t get any justice,” she told the BBC. “Even though I’m moving on with my life, there’s a part of me that will always be looking over my shoulder. Stalking changes you - and it changed me.”

EDDIE REDMAYNE: 'She left us distressed, unsafe and deeply unsettled'

Eddie Redmayne was stalked by a German translator stalker who bombarded the actor with love letters. Gaby Stieger, 49, was even convinced she had been married to the Oscar-winning actor in a previous life.

During her five-year stalking campaign the mother-of-two hung around the park near Redmayne’s Southwark home, tried to touch him when he was there with his daughter and spied on him through the window while he undressed.

During Stieger’s trial in 2017 the 35-year-old actor told the court how her face would “contort with rage” when she spoke about his wife Hannah Bagshawe.

Stieger first met Redmayne after seeing him on stage at the Donmar Warehouse in Covent Garden in 2012.

The following year she began visiting the set of The Theory Of Everything and trying to get Redmayne to pose in a picture with her.

She also followed him and his wife to a carol service at Eton College in December 2013.

The stalking continued and in August 2017 Stieger approached Redmayne outside his house, while he was with his baby daughter, and tried to touch his arm.

Stieger, who had moved from Germany to London to be near Redmayne, admitted one count of stalking involving serious alarm and was sentenced to four months imprisonment, suspended for two years. She was also banned from having any contact with, or coming within 200 metres of Redmayne or his immediate family.

In a statement to the court Redmayne, 37, the star of The Danish Girl and the Fantastic Beasts series, described the distress Stieger had caused him and his family, saying: “I always try to be open and friendly as support (from fans) is what gives me a career.

“I deeply regret having met Gaby Stieger - she harassed myself and my family intermittently over five years, leaving us distressed, unsafe and deeply unsettled.”

I went looking for info on Eddie Redmayne’s stalker when thinking about Sam’s legal stuff, and found this article from last year about Equity giving actors advice on dealing with fans.

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wordstrings · 4 years ago

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Inbox dump

(brace yourselves, I’m including the timestamps because these have been sitting forever and you may literally forget ever having sent one of these because they’re from so long ago 😬)

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Anonymous said: March 11th 2014 *Clears throat* Non-canon verse, uni AU probably *strums guitar and takes a deep breath* DUEEEEE TO A COMPUTING errORRR, dean and gabe are stuck as roomatesssssssss, whilesamandcascanbestucktogethertoo that'snotaneccesitybutitwouldbegreaaaaaaaaattttttttt, and veeery soon it turns into something of a friendship BUT THEEEENNNN dean fights with saaAAAM and gabe is like "dude stop being so upset" aND FLUFF HAPPEeeeeeEEEEEEeens! *stands up and bows* tyvm for accepting debriel though like omg <3

I’ve been rewatching some of Supernatural seasons 5 and 6 this past weekend, and it reminded me how much I love and miss Gabriel. I still maintain that Debriel is a super-underrated ship. The manic-chaos potential is *muah*. (see: #Debriel)

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Anonymous said: August 7th 2018 psst... light back tickles while cuddling in bed are pure™ and wholesome™

Good shit good shit good shit

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Anonymous said: September 19th 2018 I love science and go to public seminars as often as I can. I walked in to the most recent one (which I had picked at random), and it was on the science of tickling. There were demonstrations. There were hand gestures and finger wiggling. There were in depth descriptions of the anatomy and physiology behind ticklish spots. It was legitimately your Amateur Production’s fic, and I was Kevin. Worst of all it was 2 hours long. I think I died during it and my soul was sucked into hell.

Uhhhhhh where can I get a copy of the slide deck?? Asking for a friend. (see: #series: Amateur Production)

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Anonymous said: September 23rd 2018 your art skills have me shook in the best possible way

aaaahh thank you! Fun fact: I went to art school and even took illustration as a concentration area but I’ve hardly drawn anything for like ten years. When I do draw, it’s usually because there are feelings that I don’t wanna do words about. (see: #strings does art)

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Halo!anon said: September 27th 2018 A small, sinful part of Castiel had the urge to gloat. It was somewhat dampened by the fact that Dean was still under the impression that being abducted is peak romance."I can't believe you went out of your way to set up our second date!" He'd squealed, as Castiel tightened his restraints. - little excerpt of a sequel to Date Nights with Demons i had planned for months but abandoned. halo!anon

Your demented version of Demon!Dean is so entertaining 😄 (see: Date Nights with Demons)

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Anonymous said: November 6th 2018 Aaaaah your Gabriel / Kali drabble was adorable, I can't help but love seeing our mighty archangel reduced to a mass of giggles, and you write Gabriel so so well <3. I love your writing your stories always brighten my day ^^

It’s so rare for him to let his guard down, isn’t it? But when he does, he has a grand old time of it. :) (see: this drabble)

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sarah-lou-who said: November 8th 2018 1/4 Boo! The ghost of my online presence in the community is peeking its head in because I need help. I don’t have a platform or following to sound an alarm, so I’m using my platonic tumblr wife’s platform and following for me, because that’s what platonic tumblr wives do. Right? Anyway, I’m very actively fixated on Attack on Titan atm. You know this very well. You also know my predicament. I seem to have exhausted the entire supply of tickly AoT content I’m interested in that exists currently. 2/4 So, if you’re willing to publish these for me, I’m crying out into the vast TFB lands hoping that there’s someone out there to answer the call. I am in desperate need of tickly AoT content. I don’t know if anyone around here writes for it much these days. I haven’t found anyone. And I know beggars can’t be choosers, but it can’t be helped; I really only care if Eren is involved. Even better would be Levi, but I haven’t found ANYTHING involving him, so I feel like asking for that is futile. 3/4 I digress. Even after all this time I can’t keep my asks less than 50 parts long. So my goal here is that someone, somewhere, will by chance come across these, and be able and willing to either write fic of the tickly variety for Eren and/or Levi from Attack on Titan, or direct me to someone who can, if they know a person who knows a person who knows a person. (Sidenote, hi anyone who still remembers me! It’s Sarah, the more ticklish half of Leerah. I’m doing good and I miss you!) 4/4 (I hope you’re all doing well!) Thank you for letting me take advantage of your devoted followers, Strings! Love yaaa!!!

Ah, my platonic tumblr wife Sarah returns! (Digitally, anyway. Reality-wise, we hang out all the time and it’s probably very rude of me to have not published this ask for so long!) I keep teasing her that she has a Type, and that is dark-haired sulky badass who’d probably make a wicked ‘ler – AoT Levi, SPN Cas, FMA Roy, etc. So anyway, if anyone knows of somewhere I can point her to find the content she’s (still) craving, lmk!

Anonymous said: October 23rd 2019 I’m sorry if this is invasive in any way, but how is Sarah doing? I’ve been absent from Tumblr for a couple years and I see that her blog is now deactivated. I was just wondering if she’s doing alright and if she’s still around here on a different blog maybe?

See above! She doesn’t have a TFB community blog anymore, but she’s doing well. We’re quarantine buddies and helping each other out a lot. Very kind of you to ask! <3

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Anonymous said: December 2nd 2018 Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know what happened to prodigal-anon’s blog? It seems to have been deleted. Sorry again if you’ve been asked this before

No worries, friend! Here’s an answer for you!

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Anonymous said: December 13th 2018 I LOVE THE LOOPY SERIES! I love it so much, is there any chance you’ll be doing a part four? I’d give anything to see Cas and Dean tickle each other, it would be so cute 😍

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I haven’t entirely stopped writing... and Loopy 4 is one of those unfinished pieces that has seen a few additions lately. :) I’ve learned not to make promises about when something might get finished and posted, but I genuinely do believe this may be one of the first things that shows up once I’m ‘back in the game.’ Stay tuned... (see: #series: Loopy)

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Anonymous said: January 1st 2019 No no no you can't just stop there! I need more fluffy destiel with tickles and kissing! Pretty please?

I believe this is in response to Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight. Don’t you worry, anon – Dean and Cas are not done being fluffy on this blog!

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1832wasalongtimeago said: January 25th 2019 Hi I just wanted to pop in and say the Maintenance series is amazing!! The second part was doing things to my poor heart I’ve read it like 5 times already. You’re such an amazing writer and thank you fo writing for us!

I’m very flattered, but I can’t take credit for the Of Maintenance series – that’s the lovely work of ask-flip-frost! It does things to my poor heart, too, so you’re in good company. :)

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Anonymous said: January 26th 2019 Sam Winchester can take a lot of things. The one thing he CAN'T take? Someone using baby talk on him when he's being tickled. He collapses into a puddle of helpless giggles faster than a house of cards in a stiff wind.

Precious Sammy just needs to laugh and be held, doesn’t he? <3

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Anonymous said: May 17th 2019 Thor needs tickles. So. Damn. Much.

Oh this was from right after Endgame came out. Thor did make me feel some sads there. :( Poor bab.

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 hi! i’ve read your wonderful fics forever but i’ve never really sent anything like this before so i don’t really know what to say.. but i had a destiel tickly thought and really wanted to share it with somebody, so here goes i guess- dean is taking too long in the shower so cas decides to use his mojo from the other room to speed things along. and listens to dean’s echoey laughs through the door. that’s all. sorry if this is weird! okay bye have a good one

This is not weird and I may have delayed in telling you any of my feelings about it but I definitely have a doc somewhere that has some vague notes about how I’d like to write this because I like it!

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Anonymous said: August 6th 2019 Anhhgff your Good Omens tword fics are so cute snvfddf i never knew I needed that of my favorite husbands till now😳😍

I know, right?! They’re just dying to be dropped into every fluffy situation. (see: #Good Omens)

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Anonymous said: July 25th 2019 Poking my head in to say hello, hope you’re doing well still! I just got into Good Omens and I absolutely loved your fic! (I watched the show first because my book was taking too long in the mail lol) Also, the other week I somehow talked myself into making a tfb blog, after all these years of almost doing so before chickening out (this ask isn’t from it because I just hopped in here briefly in a private phone browser to say hi, it’s literally just august-anon though) ~August!Anon

August!anon, I’m always so happy to see you stop by! Tagging your (not-so-new anymore) blog so everyone can check you out: @august-anon

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hey-teenblog said: August 4th 2019 I love your fanfiction very much! They give me a lot of pleasant emotions. And most importantly, they, saturated with tenderness and love, gave me to accept myself as lee!! sorry for my english, i'm russian Love you 😘❤️

I will never tire of hearing things like this! Thank you for telling me. “Saturated with tenderness and love” is a such wonderful compliment about my writing – thank you very much! No need to apologize for language differences; I’m always impressed with anyone who manages to pick up English because it’s bonkers.

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Anonymous said: August 23rd 2019 Hi! Just found this blog and wondering some basic info. ** What fandoms do toy write for? ** Do you accept prompts? ** Do you write reader insert fics? Thank you lovley ❤️

Anonymous said: August 29th 2019 Do you write tickle fics for bnha?? Asking for a friend 👀👀

The only fandoms I have reliably been able to write for are Supernatural and Good Omens – but even Good Omens is a rookie player here. Supernatural is my main jam, and Destiel is my favorite flavor. I don’t do reader inserts, but I’m always “accepting” prompts. I just haven’t written many of them for quite a long time now, so you’re welcome to drop them as long as you’re okay with them collecting dust. (see: this selfsame post)

My About/FAQ page is very dusty right now, too, but there might be some useful tidbits in there for you.

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Anonymous said: November 12th 2019 okayokayokay. Have you watched Lucifer? It's on netflix, it's great, so much emotions and pining. (Also, y'know, reg. Luci stuff. He runs a club. Bad jokes. It's great.)

I haven’t, but it’s on my Netflix watchlist, so I’ll get there eventually! I saw a gifset once where he actually did the thing I see in winged fanfic all the time, where there was gunfire and he sheltered someone he cared about with his manifested wings. And honestly, that was the deciding factor for me.

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Anonymous said: November 16th 2019 Oh Man U listen to Critrole as well! Nice! Campaign 1 was awesome but also heartfelt and really gut-punching at points. Who is your fav so far, anyone you aren’t fond of? (& Out of interest do you have any tickle related thoughts on the main crew or upcoming Fics we can look out for? As you said it’s tumbleweeds out here for this fandom’s tickles and I’ll take anything really 😂!) Hope u enjoy!!!!!

It’s STILL tumbleweeds out here and it’s making me crazy! My heart belongs to Vax primarily, Percy secondarily. I don’t really have cohesive thoughts or headcanons about anything, unfortunately. I do have this one mental picture that keeps coming up that I keep wanting to see art of (who knows, maybe I’ll commission somebody someday?) – of ridiculous brute Grog just lifting Vax straight up in his arms and gettin’ wiggly with his fingers while all Vax can do is laugh and pry and kick while absolutely nobody helps him.

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Regarding #series: Accessor:

Anonymous said: August 31st 2015 I would like to see accessor!verse cas using feathers on Dean!!! and NIBBLES and RASPBERRIES and TEETH and TONGUE and WOWWWWWW

ME TOO, FRIEND. It’s been aaaaages since I published anything new for the Accessor AU, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been going back to my unfinished docs every once in a while to add a few lines here and there. ;)

Anonymous said: October 29th 2016 Prompt: Cas is put in charge of getting a treaty with a neighboring country that shares a lot of the same customs, including Accessories, with certain... twists (think Bracelets AU) and treats their personal slaves (like Accessories) like people (listening to opinions, giving proper care, etc.). The foreign diplomats keep bringing that up and talking to Dean. Cas isn't sure he can make it though the diplomatic proceedings. Also, he might be having improper thoughts about that custom and Dean...

I’m posting this here, but I’m definitely keeping this filed elsewhere because it’s FANTASTIC.

Halo!anon submitted: June 4th 2018 I can’t help but imagine how tickling must play a part in other aspects of society in the accessor ‘verse, besides the sessions between master and accessory. So here’s some imagines and headcanons, with a touch of worldbuilding. (Warnings, besides the usual for this AU: death mention, reference to past trauma.)

- Among the high class, during parties and other celebrations, it’s seen as a common courtesy to string up one’s personal accessory in the center of the room and let the guests entertain themselves with them. Lord Castiel never does this with Dean, much to his fellow nobles’ disappointment; the mere suggestion had Dean quaking as things he’d rather forget came back to bite him.

- Every so often, a petty criminal(the poor man’s accessory, if you will) is placed in stocks in a small town’s square and left at the mercy of the very people they used to menace. What happens next usually involves honey, some sheep, and plenty of begging. A guard stands by to warn people, “No hurting, only tickling. Everyone please wait your turn, they’re not going anywhere any time soon.”

- Certain monastic healers perform tickle therapy as a treatment for anxiety, stress, and other “diseases of the soul”, as they call them. Balthazar himself proposed the idea, because of course he did. The rich usually indulge in this kind of therapy secretly, due to its undignified nature. Some contemplate the possibility of training accessories to tickle in the future, but it’s still a big taboo.

- Every town has a folktale about a tickle monster. Curiously, many of them involve controlling plants and attacking through dreams. The southern communities still have a giggle remembering that one time six years ago when Michael offered to hunt down one such monster and came back with Crowley, a sleazy drunkard with a fetish and a dream, sitting in a cage and wearing a mask.

- The Masters sisters, Lillith, Meg and Ruby, have a long history with law enforcement. Their favorite pastime is snatching unlucky merchants off the roads and tickling them into coughing up everything they have. Everyone is sure they had a hand in Fergus"Crowley" Macleod’s untimely demise by ferocious attack hounds, but they’re very good at covering their tracks. They’ll help you cover up your tracks too, if you’re a friend- ask Bela Talbot.

I might make a second part if I get any more ideas. I hope you enjoyed this! -Halo!anon.

I am very fond of you indeed, Halo!anon. These are so creative!

hypahticklish submitted: July 24th 2018 Accessor!Ideas:

~ Gabriel leads a furious rant regarding Prince Lucifer/Sam to Castiel, relating back to perhaps dealings he has directly had with the Prince between their two unstable-yet-truced Kingdoms. Castiel relates with similar views shared by Gehenna’s councilor(s).

~ Dean and Sam BM where the audience learns more about their homevillage. Dean starts it after a rather morose remark from Sam and ends with Sammy smiling and stealing my heart.

~ Balthazar helps Sam in several ways: 1) Learns the Sam was originally a psuedo-Advocates apprentice, as well as herbalist nephew when Sam identifies the components to some salves/medicines he’s making (he had been explaining what he was doing in an attempt to spare himself being attacked like the first couple times) 2) Calls Sam out on being intelligent and making a recklessly stupid choice by selling himself to find Dean. 3) Removes Lucifers mark. And maybe perhaps: 4) Allows Sam to assist in his own healing/medicine making under his careful observation, feigned as needing two sets of hands to do correctly and his assistant was running an errand, to assess his skills. 5) Offer he work in the hospice under him, apprenticing, should Gabriel allow his intelligence not go to waste. It’s not what Sam really wants to do/learn, but it’s better than doing nothing.

~Dean officially thanks Castiel for saving Sam. I’m talking full feels, single man tear sorta thing. And Castiel says “there was never another option” and then its schmoopy sweet with the kisses and the tickles and the Cas saying he loves Dean back!!!!!!!! swoon.

~ Kali!Likes!Sam’s!Spirit! Give me a dinner scene with Gabriel, Kali and Sam where hes holding his own in a diplomatic conversation with them when he nearly crosses a line (maybe something classist? Making it clear that Cas and Gabe are the exception to his experiences) and she says “I like this ones fire. He reminds me of you, my love.” *grabby hands*

~ Prince Lucifer sends a message to Gabriel requesting (threatening) his Helpmate be returned to him for a handsome reward. Sam somehow sees letter and gets spooked because DRAMA. Gabriel responds to Lucifer with the Chief Advocate equivalent of “Fuck Off”

You, my friend. YOU. All these feelings about Sam? Top-notch, and I shall be borrowing them, yes I shall.

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Regarding #android!Cas:

hypahticklish said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas deciding today is the DAY. Dean has been teasing him lately that he likes these strange sensations that have him using all his back-up generated power to not accidentally break Dean's bones and challenging him with that cocky smirk and relaxed confidence. Android!Cas practicing during time while Dean rests with holding objects with similar density to the human wrists with enough gentle force that they neither fracture or slip from his grasp. Android!Cas surprising Dean by turning the tables and pinning his wrists over his head while settling himself on Dean's thighs. Android!Cas not necessarily tickling at first so much as just touching like he had been wanting to so as to catalog how his best friend feels with his new technology. Android!Cas feeling that bubble of FEELS in his chest as he listens to Dean swear at him with positive physical actions negating his harsh words, growing more amused as the bubbling giggles begin. I love Android!Cas

Anonymous said: January 23rd 2016 Android!Cas figures out his own strength comes in handy for more than just retaining himself during tickle fights. When he surprises Dean, Dean tends to squirm and fight back a little (even though he told Cas to get him back as part of the experience), so Cas uses his strength to gently hold Dean down while ticking him. Dean's never been held immobile before so it's a new experience for him, but he ends up liking it. Cas notices how Dean relaxes into his hold after a minute or so. Cas doesn't fail to use this knowledge about Dean, coming up with teasing words and methods of ticking to make Dean all squirmy and giggly, taking special notice of how light tickles effect Dean even more than most other touches, using that specially designed soft brush meant to gently clean Cas' delicate computer chips.

Anonymous said: February 17th 2016 I'm joining in on the Android!Cas thing, if not too late. Perhaps Android!Cas has detachable parts, like a foot, and Dean is a jerk and runs off and hides with it all the while tickling it and making fun of Android!Cas's increasingly desperate attempts to get it back.

Y’all, careful deliberate curious determined ‘ler Cas is LIFE. And, reserved confused helpless adorable ‘lee Cas is also life. Detachable and extensible parts are probably key to both of these things.

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Regarding current personal circumstances:

Anonymous said: January 14th 2020 I pray that you’re able to find peace during this difficult time. You are loved more than you will ever know. I know it’s hard to believe, but there will come a time that you are thankful for this experience, because it will have turned you into the person you are truly meant to be. Be strong and be hopeful. Keep your faith and keep knowing that you are going to be okay. Don’t let this dark time destroy the magnificent light inside of you. Sending you so much love

Anonymous said: January 17th 2020 I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Hang in there! We’re all here for you!

Anonymous said: February 11th 2020 all my love, thoughts and prayers are going towards you right now. also wanted to just drop a little thank you note in your inbox for all the light and joy i've found in your fics over the years. im sitting half way through my first year at uni currently but ive been a fan of yours since early highschool and i feel like ive almost grown up with your writing and fanfics in a strange way, so thank you so much for that. sending all my love to you once again- you are so strong x

I love you all so much.

#blog maintenance #ask #you people are too kind #prompt #Accessor 'verse #android!Cas

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jellybeanbeing · 5 years ago

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History of My Bookshelf Challenge

Created by the amazing Emmmabooks!

1. The oldest book on your shelf - An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

This is the first physical book I’ve ever gotten and still have. Yes, I only purchased it in 2018 but it’s been about two years so it counts because the other books I have, I got after.

2. A book you read in 2013 (adjust for however many years you like!) - Divergent by Veronica Roth

I’m like, 85% sure I read this in 2013. I think I read it because the movie was coming out and I wanted to read the book first so I could judge the movie, but it’s been like five years and I still haven’t seen it.

3. A book you read in 2014 - Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

I only remember reading this book during this year because I was sitting at a teacher’s desk when someone came up to me and asked me why I was reading the book when it was going to be required reading in the near future. Other than that, I remember liking the book, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t today.

4. A book you read in 2015 - Side Effects May Vary by Julie Murphy

Again, this is one I’m 85% sure I read in 2015. This whole book was a fever dream to me and I kind of want to read it again.

5. A book you read in 2016 - The Fill-In Boyfriend by Kasie West

The one thing that makes me sure I read this in 2016 was because I had made a new friend that year and the characters in the book had the same names as her brothers and I messaged her about it.

6. A book you read in 2017 - A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

2017 was a good reading year for me. Before 2017, I read a lot of YA romantic contemporaries and I wasn’t going to change that until my friend lent me ACOTAR. I was reluctant at first because fantasy isn’t my favorite genre but I gave it a try and I really liked it. I ended up finishing the series and moving to other popular fantasy and otherworldly books.

7. A book you read in 2018 - The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White

This is the year I finally started tracking the books I read. I read about 52 books this year and I’m choosing this one because my experience with it is a semi-interesting one. So I read Frankenstein in class that year and hated it. Found out this book was coming out and showed it to my English teacher who preceded to buy the book, read it, and lent it to me. Said I would probably like it better than the original (because I was open about my feelings of hatred towards the book in class) and turns out, I did! I loved what Kiersten White did with the story and the characters. I was engaged and actually really cared about the characters.

8. A book you read in 2019 - On the Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta

I’m obviously going to talk about this one so here it goes: I honestly don’t know what made me put this book on my TBR but it ended up there somehow (I think Goodreads recommended it to me???? But I’m not too sure). Anyways, I was watching a video from Jessethereader where he deciphers emojis into book titles and one of them was “On the Jellicoe Road” so I took that as a sign to read the book. I read it, was confused for a bit, but then fell head over heels for the story and the characters and everything about it. It’s one of my all-time favorite books now and I’m going to reread it again soon. I’ll try to make a review for it.

9. A book you’ve read more than once - The Raven Boys by Maggie Stievater

Is this a surprise? No. Well, kind of. I’ve only read this book (and series) twice but I’m already planning on rereading it soon and every year after that. It’s my all-time favorite book series and that’s not gonna change for a while. I love the books, I love the characters, I love the story, I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. And it’s funny because it took me so long just to read The Raven Boys because I kept DNFing it. I picked it up in 2016, read the first three chapters, put it down, and forgot about it. A couple months after that, I picked it up again, read the first three chapters, and decided this book wasn’t for me. Around 2018, I got the sudden urge to read the books and thought “fuck it, I’m reading it and I’m gonna finish the book.” I finished the series and mildly liked it. I got another sudden urge to read the series again this 2019 year and IT BLEW MY FREAKING MIND WITH HOW GOOD IT WAS. I just have so much appreciation for this book and Maggie Stiefvater now, and I love it.

10. A book you waited over a year to be published - A Reaper at the Gates by Sabaa Tahir

This is honestly the only book I’ve waited over a year to come out. I finished Torch in 2016 and I had to wait until 2018 to read Reaper. It was torture. And it’s still torture because we’re all waiting for Ember 4.

11. A book you read on vacation/away from home - Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya

I read this for school and I remember going to California for a dance competition and not having a phone or something to entertain me so I took the book with me. For about a week, I read bits and pieces of it before going to bed. One moment I remember so vividly is reading the book on the plane ride back and it being dark and someone telling me to turn off my light because they were trying to sleep. I then proceeded to turn off my light and stare into the darkness because I wasn’t tired and I couldn't read my book. And if you’re wondering, it was one of those planes that didn’t have a TV at every seat.

12. A book you got from someplace special (anything that’s not your local bookstore/online retailer) - Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

My English teacher was retiring and giving away some of his books, and so I decided to rummage through his book and found a special edition of Madame Bovary with gold spray painted edges. It was gorgeous, but I gave it away.

13. A book that made you cry - Mosquitoland by David Arnold

I didn’t cry while reading this book at first, but I went back to read a few passages before giving it away and I don’t know what struck a chord in me but I was crying my eyes out over the book. The passage I had read just resonated with me in that moment and I couldn't help but cry. I read the book before some problems in my life occurred so I guess when I went to read the few parts of the book again, it all hit me real hard.

14. A book you read in one sitting - My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

This one is a fun one (my experience with the book, not the book itself). So, I was, I think 12 or 13 or 14 years old when I read this. At this particular age, I was a firecracker when reading books. I would finish a book, A FULL 300 PAGE BOOK, in one night. I did this a lot. I’m not exaggerating. I think it’s about more than 20 books that this “finishing in one night” happened. This one though, was crazy. I started this book one night at around 7/8pm and finished it around maybe 12am? I then proceeded to pick up another 300 page book right after AND FINISH IT THAT VERY NIGHT, or morning, whatever you think. My reading energy was off the fucking charts at that age. I can’t do this anymore, by the way. It will literally take me a whole month to finish a 200 page book.

15. A book that was a gift - A Conjuring of Light by V.E Schwab

I had already gotten the book for myself but a friend of mine bought me the book and I couldn’t say no so I took the book and now I have two paperback copies of ACOL, and I’m not mad about it.

16. A book you read before owning (library, borrowed from a friend) - Sula by Toni Morrison

I read for school, and let me tell you, it’s the only book I’ve read for school that I liked and was memorable for a good reason. Right from the first page, it captured my attention and kept it through out the book. I’m planning on rereading it and hopefully I’ll still like it as much as I first did.

17. A book you lent to someone else - Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Six of Crows is a popular YA series but do you know how hard it was to make one of my friends read this and actually finish it? I gave it to like three of my friends and they all ended up telling me they couldn't get past the first couple of chapters. But I finally got one of my friends to read the duology and finish it and love it as much as I did. I finally have a friend I can talk to about the books.

18. A book that has been damaged - The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I tend to keep my books in pretty good condition, but I also have butter fingers, so that’s something. Anyways, the amount of times that I have dropped this book and bent the covers is truly astonishing. And it’s bizarre, because whenever I dropped TRB or TDT or BLLB, the covers didn’t bend but when I drop TRK, the cover ALWAYS bends and it’s a whole mess but I still love it. I almost forgot to mention that I got it already fucked up so maybe it’s meant to be.

19. A book you got on sale/discounted - An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

Yes, I’m using this book again because, why not? Anyways, I got this at a thrift store and I was so psyched. I saw this book on the shelf and was so appalled because who would thrift such a good book? (If you didn’t like the book, great. That’s your opinion.) So I decided that this was my chance to finally own a book after years of not owning one, and have it be one of my favorite books.

20. A book you read with someone else (buddy read/read with a book club) - The Refugees by Viet Thanh Nguyen

I take this question to also include books I have read as required reading in class because technically, I did read it with my class. I had such a fun time picking at this book. It was not my favorite book, though I really liked the first story. My English teacher had us write commentary and I loved it. There was no literary analysis whatsoever in my notes, and I think that’s what I loved the most. I reread my notes for that book recently and they are gems.

21. A book you associate with a song - A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro

When the Party’s Over by Billie Eilish is just a song that I associated with Charlotte Holmes, and that’s never gonna change.

22. A book you associate with a food - Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

It’s not a specific food but more of school lunch for me. I just remember that QOAAD had come out and I was carrying that hunk of a book around and it didn’t fit in my backpack so I carried it in my arms. I was reading the book while my friend was eating her lunch beside me. After she finished eating, I had told her that there were pictures in the book and I wanted to be surprise but she wasn’t gonna read it so she flipped through the book and looked at the pictures.

23. A book you got years ago that you probably wouldn’t buy now - The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

I got this book in Chicago this 2019 year around May only so it’ s not years ago, but I was a different person in May 2019, alright? I honestly wouldn’t get this book now because I’ve learned that I’m not a big history fan.

24. A book you associate with a specific time in your life - Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

I was first introduced to this book a long time ago, around the age of 9, I think? My sister had a stack of books from school and I decided to look through it. I read a book called Hushi(?) and I literally, for the life of me, cannot remember who the author was but I really liked that book. Anyways, after reading that, I read bits and pieces of Speak and I vividly remember the day being a bright and sunny day, and reading the attack scene and being so shocked by it. I didn’t really understand it at the time, but every time I read that book or see it, it brings me back to when I was nine.

25. A book you used to like, but don’t anymore - The First Time She Drowned by Kerry Kletter

I talked about this book in another post of mine but it reiterate what I said: this book was a favorite of mine in 2018 but then I reread it again and didn't love it as much. It wasn’t a book that fully captured my attention or kept me intrigued.

26. The newest book on your shelf - Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater

LAST QUESTION! Call Down the Hawk came out recently and you know I had to buy it. I’m currently reading it right now, and I’m already loving it. I’m so excited for what’s in store for the characters. I am, however, feeling a little bit sad because we won’t get to see the whole Gangsey together again (or for a while). Reading CDTH is also making me realize that those who haven’t read The Raven Cycle aren’t going to know the Ronan and Adam and Gansey and Blue that those who have read TRC know them. I don’t say this to be offensive or “you’re not a true fan because you didn’t read TRC”. No, I’m not trying to say that. It’s just like you meeting someone when you’re both 30 as opposed to 14. People are different people at different ages, and Ronan and Adam are different characters in CDTH than TRC and so some people who haven't read TRC series won’t know that version of them. And also, I mean different as in they’ve grown and certain aspects of them have changed.

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asternevermore · 5 years ago

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Analytical Reflection

As time goes on technology advances faster than what most people are ready for. This causes generational gaps, and panic to spread as people do not understand these new technologies. Technopanics are nothing new in the human world. They have been happening since writing was invented. However, these panics are usually dispelled when there is enough evidence to show support for the technology. For example, prosthetics might have been seen as scary or even give someone a bad quality. In reality, though they are helpful for the person using it. Some technological advances are scary though. Human head transplants and cryogenics are a couple of scary technological advances. Although, the technology for these procedures is there is still a lot of work that needs to be done so they are successful. In our world, humans are no longer the smartest species. Humans have invented supercomputers that can detect diseases in humans, and that can win at Jeopardy. These computers have led to the creation of the first humanoid AI and helped progress driverless vehicles. While these computers are smarter than humans they are still connected to the Internet of Things. This Internet of Things connects everyone and everything to each other. It allows people to access a plethora of information that they might not be able to access otherwise. Along with these advances humans have gotten to the point where they can enhance the human body with mechanical parts or their genetics. Along with Cyborgs humans have discovered ways to make art with biomechanics. With all of these advances, some people look forward to the future while others are more hesitant. Techno panics are things that should be considered but they should be looked into and researched instead of reacting blindly to them.

Techno panics are nothing new to the human race. As the younger generations grow into these new experiences the older generations become more scared by the changes. In the article “The Six Things that Drive “Technopanics” the author writes “Parents and policymakers who dread the changes to cultural or privacy-related norms ushered in by new technologies often forget they, too, were children once and heard similar complaints from their elders about the gadgets and content and of their generation.” (Thierer, 2012). Although this article is old it still holds true today. Most of the older generation, especially those from the Baby Boomer generation, seem to have a lot of problems with technological advancements that would save our planet, or even make us more connected. Techno panics are spread through the media which will usually over exaggerate the technology into something scary and evil. The article “Techno-Panic reporting: The Media Deserves No Mercy” writes “ It's tough to find any large news organizations that don't turn technology into the star villain of every story in which it is even tangentially related--and they aren't afraid to misrepresent the facts to do so.” ( Carab, 2011). Media places a huge role in everyone's lives. We all watch the news or at least get some form of it on social media daily. This leads to multiple interpretations and multiple misinterpretations on subjects. While prosthetics are not scary and they have been around for decades they are still undergoing significant changes.

Prosthetic limbs have been around for decades and have changed exponentially. They have gone from immovable objects to being able to move individual fingers and potentially feel things. However, many of these high tech limbs have no use in most jobs, like farming. In this class, we viewed a source where a dairy farmer had a high tech arm that was basically useless for him since it would just get damaged from the work he does (Eveleth, 2014). Prosthetics have been around for centuries according to archaeologists. In the article “Future prosthetic: towards the bionic human” they write “Archaeologists have found examples of replacement body parts from ancient Egypt, Greece, and Rome. These range from the crude — wooden peg legs and strap-on toes — to primitive, but still impressive attempts at limbs with hinged joints.” (Nathan, 2018). It is interesting to think about ancient prosthetics as it is not something people usually consider. The new prosthetics that can move individual fingers are possible thanks to the Internet of Things and Supercomputers.

The internet of things is essentially the internet everyone is using every day. It connects all of your devices together, and it connects everyone to each other. The Internet of Things shares all sorts of data. One thing that was discussed in class was the issue of 3D printed guns and how they were going to be controlled. The article used for this anthology discusses how there are still people publishing blueprints for weapons anonymously. One of the people interviewed for this article, named Ivan the Troll, said “If they [the government] were to come after me, they’d first have to find my identity. I’m one of many, many like-minded individuals who’re doing this sort of work.” (Hanrahan, 2019). This is scary to think about since it seems that the people sharing these articles do not seem to care about the safety of other people, or they just have a general dislike of the government trying to control them. This is a techno panic that should frighten people, but should not be completely banned. There are many uses for this sort of technology and it could be beneficial. One thing is that if something were to happen guns could be produced in a large quantity fairly quickly. Another thing would be to use these models as a way to print replacement parts in the field. Granted the technology would need to be more advanced for that.

With the vastness of the internet and the advances in technology, we have reached the point where cyborgs can become a very real thing. In Issac Arthur’s video, he explains how we have already passed the point where we will become cyborgs. He is essentially arguing that we are already cyborgs in our own right. However, he makes the distinction between someone who has a prosthetic and someone who has a bionic eye for example. In class, we were asked a question at one point if we thought we were like cyborgs since we were connected to our phones. I argued against the theory, but after watching Arthur’s video I have begun to rethink my opinion.

All of these advances I discussed seem scary and some of them are. For example, the 3D printed guns sound terrifying to some people, however, it does hold some beneficial effects. Many people fear the day that robots will become a common entity and that they might take over the world, but in reality, robots taking over the world seems to be the exaggeration of science fiction movies. Likewise, cyborgs already walk amongst humans in the sense that people may have bionic body parts, or other mechanical parts to enhance their bodies. Techno panics are things that should be considered but they should be looked into and researched instead of reacting blindly to them.

Works Cited

Carab, Marcus (2011, February 4th) Techno-Panic Reporting: The Media Deserves No Mercy. Retrieved from https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20110131/09311312896/techno-panic-reporting-media-deserves-no-mercy.shtml

Eveleth, Rose (2014, March 5th) When State-of-the-Art is Second Best. Retrieved from https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/durable-prostheses/

Hanrahan, Jake (2019, May 20th) 3D-printed guns are back, and this time they are unstoppable. Retrieved from https://www.wired.co.uk/article/3d-printed-guns-blueprints

Nathan, Stuart (2018, January 4th) Future prosthetic: towards the bionic human. Retrieved from https://www.theengineer.co.uk/future-prosthetic/

Thierer, Adam (2012, March 4th) The Six Things that Drive ''Technopanics' '. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/adamthierer/2012/03/04/the-six-things-that-drive-technopanics/#295cabdc70b0

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dynamic-instability · 5 years ago

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In one of my classes we have to write weekly personal narratives about an experience with illness. This week, mine turned into this. It’s probably too personal, and too... immediate?? to turn in to a professor without cutting out a lot of stuff, but not too personal to post online I guess lol

_____________________________

It’s November again.

In 2009 the lights were too bright. Mid-October one morning I woke up to my dad turning on my lights and it was like having to look into the sun while posing for a photo—my eyes wouldn’t stay open, if I forced them to, they couldn’t stay pointed in one direction, they spasmed and hurt. When the light was dimmed, I still saw double. That morning, I showered in the dark, and I remember being scared. They gave me eyedrops that paralyzed my accommodative muscles. In November my pupils were giant discs and I wore reading glasses over sunglasses to look at the computer, and when it was all said and done, the lights were still too bright, and I still saw double.

In 2011 I was tired. There’s fatigue and then there’s fatigue, I learned that Fall. In May of that year I had pulled two all-nighters in a week, and that was the only other time I’d felt this kind of tired, a sensation in about the 30th hour of the second time where it’s like my brain itched. I once saw someone else online describe it as “nausea, but in your head and eyes instead of in your throat and stomach” and that’s the closest anyone else has come to describing it. By November this was happening more and more often. I remember laying down in the corner of the room during a break of Citywide choir and thinking what the hell is wrong with me? I got a cold the next week, and I thought that maybe that was all it was. It wasn’t.

In 2013 I went to the ER for the fifth time in three months of college, and when I wanted to leave before waiting another couple of hours to eventually see a doctor who would tell me once again that they couldn’t do anything to help me, the woman from student life who was there to drive me back to campus made me call my parents on speaker phone and get their permission to leave before she would turn on the car. I had missed more chemistry labs than I could afford to miss without failing, passed out in a voice lesson, was asked by the director to drop out of choir because watching me was distraction when I looked like I was in pain, and if I passed out it would have ruined the concert for everyone. I remember leaving calculus in the mornings mid-class to go to the bathroom and lay on the floor and cry. I remember not being able to lift my hand off the mattress of my dorm room bed. I withdrew from half of my classes on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and took the Spring semester off.

In 2014 I had made a promise to myself that I would come back to college full time for that Fall semester just to see if I could do it, and then if I couldn’t I would drop out for good. There was one week where I thought that might be happening. Mid-November. The girls in my dorm had made a fort in the lounge out of sheets and blankets and colorful scarves and I remember laying on the couch through the green-filtered light and feeling the world spin and thinking oh god I still can’t do this. The door opened with a rush of cold air and my friends came in with food for me, since I’d been too sick to go to dinner. They sat with me and helped me with chemistry, offered to type up a paper if I dictated it, told jokes and made me laugh. I took an incomplete in one class, but I passed everything else, just barely scraped through, and came back in January.

In 2015 I just wanted to sleep. I passed out in an elevator and heard familiar voices, concerned voices, as I came to, and I stayed there laying motionless for another minute longer, because as long as I wasn’t awake I didn’t have to keep pushing. I wrote whole pages of completely unreadable ochem notes because my hand wasn’t working any better than my brain, and woke up on the floor and was wheeled out on a stretcher crying. It was dark all the time. My cane slipped on wet leaves and I felt my wrist crunch and there it was, one too many missed organic chemistry labs. I couldn’t stand for an entire choir rehearsal because breathing to sing made me lightheaded. I slept for 16 hours a day. The week before Thanksgiving, I called my mother to tell her I had decided to take another hardship withdrawal, and she sighed. I had applied to transfer schools during my much more optimistic Spring semester and Summer, and the week I left was also the week I found out I’d been accepted.

And so okay now it’s 2019, and it’s October and now November again, semester plan again, dark again. My reading is piling up again, feeling overwhelmed again, laying on my kitchen floor again. But here’s the thing—my health is… fine? Midterm week I didn’t sleep, and yes I passed out twice, but no ER. For the past 18 months, I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve been unable to get out of bed because of fatigue. My heart still pounds too hard but my head doesn’t swim every time I sit up. I walk the streets of New York City like mobility has never been a problem. I always take the stairs. My brain doesn’t itch until it’s been 30 hours no sleep.

I couldn’t go to class last week. I lay on the floor of my kitchen and stared up at the ceiling and tried to get up, tried to type out an email to my professors, and I couldn’t do it. I was not too tired. I was not too weak. I was not in pain. I could not move. I try to write and try to write and try to write and the words don’t come. I eat instant oatmeal at 9 PM because I haven’t been to the store in a month. I have lost nearly 15 pounds since moving to New York. I clean the stove for two and a half hours but can’t bring myself to take the dead spider off the side of the bathtub. I check the door lock one-two-three times, pace the floor, sit back down. I do not read Austerlitz. I write a Canvas post for Self and Other but it’s nonsense. I do not write a Canvas post for Accounts of Self. I do not write a Canvas post for Applied Writing. I write a Canvas post for Illness and Disability and somehow forget to post it, the one thing I’ve actually done, because I’m too busy feeling sick at everything I haven’t. I shadow a doctor for the clinical witnessing assignment and everything is fine but when I try to write it up I have a panic attack that leaves me sobbing on my couch and the assignment nine days late and counting. It takes me eight hours to write two pages. I watch 18 hours of YouTube video essays discussing drama about creators I don’t even watch and play a stupid game on my phone for an entire weekend until I’ve spent $25+ in a labyrinth of microtransations and every time I close my eyes I see the moving dots.

In November of 2015 I had three overdue essays for Global Literature, and two more due in the next two weeks. More than half were on books I had not read. My pre-lab wasn’t done for organic chemistry, and I wondered for a moment, if I pretended to pass out, if that would be easier. I stayed up until 4 AM laying on my floor and listening to Hamilton. I was sick, that much is true, but when I felt okay I still sat at my computer and could not bring myself to write.

In 2011 I had so many unfinished assignments for my college-level English class that I resigned myself to failing and I went to school the morning of the final class, but I hid in the stairwell by the choir room until I heard the bell, and I never went back to that class.

2009 was the year my dad stopped being able to yell at me for not doing my homework, because no one, including me, could tell whether it was actually my eyes stopping me.

In 2008 I wrote 6 essays in the 5 days of Thanksgiving break because I had not done any work for Intro to Lit all semester. I pulled it off, somehow, even aced the class because of an unusually lenient late work policy, but what I most remember is the sick feeling of dread as I lay on the floor in the living room staring up at the Christmas tree and feeling invisible sand slip through an invisible hourglass and a vice tightening in my chest.

In 2006 I stayed up almost all night writing a paper and crying my eyes out because I couldn’t find the words to explain to anyone why it had been so impossible for me to get the work done, that I wasn’t being lazy or distracted, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t necessarily reading YA novels or watching TV or IMing my friends instead of working, I could sit and stare at a blank word document for 6 hours straight and still it would not get done. Everyone talked about potential, talked about how smart I was, but a gradebook that is half 100’s and half 0’s still averages out to an F. No one, including me, could explain the discrepancy. The logic of that simple math was not lost on me, the knowledge that turning in half-finished or not very good work was mathematically better than not doing it, but that didn’t mean I could do it. Words failed me when I tried to explain the illogic of my particular suffering.

I didn’t hear the term executive dysfunction until I was in my 20s. In retrospect I was tentatively told at 16 that I had “probably some ADHD and OCD”, but that psychiatrist was someone I’d been sent to by a neurologist because he thought she could fix my eyes, and when she said she couldn’t, I stopped making appointments. After I got sick, physically sick, the lines blurred between what was causing what, to the point where even I have no idea. Two of the Novembers missing here are ones I spent at CC, on the block plan where I only took one class at a time. My physical health arguably improved a little after transferring in January of 2016, but mostly it didn’t, not until Spring of 2018 at least. And you can see that evidence in dropped blocks, concussions from passing out onto hard surfaces, a couple of incompletes taken when viral illnesses (or concussions) compounded my other problems. What the block plan changed was the way things pile up, lessened the struggle of constant task switching between classes. (Admittedly, I also had fewer papers when taking mostly science classes. Writing takes much more energy, and it’s much harder to convince myself it doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth submitting.) At CC nothing ever really reached the level of catastrophe. Some of that is purely the ability to drop a single block, meaning when it was my physical health that was the problem, I didn’t lose a whole semester, just one class, then reset. But I should have realized sooner that the block plan wouldn’t account for the level of improvement if my physical health had really been the only barrier.

So we’re back to now. Grad school. November again. Dark again. Semester plan again. Too much writing again. Crushing dread again. Dysfunction again. Panic attack in the middle of the night increasingly elaborate organizing rituals scream of the subway tracks in my mind can’t stop can’t start can’t breathe can’t move burnout again. This time without the explanation of chronic fatigue to fall back on.

I have my tricks, have actually learned somewhat to cope in the past 18 years. Schedules help, break tasks into pieces that are as small as possible. Mindfulness meditation. Forgive yourself when it’s not perfect. Get started with something easy, set a timer for 20 minutes and only work for those 20 minutes and then let yourself stop if you want to (and surprisingly often, you won’t want to, sometimes that momentum is all it takes). If you work better in the night, work in the night, who cares what society says your sleep schedule should be. When switching tasks, physically get up and move to a different location. Allow yourself to procrastinate on work with other work if that’s what you have to do. Delete the stupid games from your phone. One or two missed assignments are not actually the end of the world, if you let yourself view it as piling up, you won’t be able to get anything done, so if you absolutely have to, just move through and move on.

It’s not a catastrophe, this November. It’s a fight, but it’s not a catastrophe. I read Austerlitz and forgive myself for skimming it. I write a Canvas post and forgive myself when it’s only 500 words and doesn’t make complete sense. I read Toni Morrison and Édouard Louis and classmates’ discussion posts about Deaf culture and identity and remember why this matters in the first place, that it’s not just a series of assignments to overwhelm me, it’s a series of interesting complicated exhausting important thoughts and questions. I get it done. Some of it. Most of it. I let myself sleep. I breathe. I remember to be grateful because I can get out of bed in the mornings and take the stairs. I am okay.

#chronic illness #executive dysfunction #chronic fatigue #College and chronic illness #personal lol

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tangyyyy · 5 years ago

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Lucille and Eliott met when they were both very young, here is a piece of their love story. They truly loved each other, maybe in a wrong way, but love isn’t always an easy thing to live and to do. From 2014 to 2019. From Lucille to Lucas, with a lot of Eliott in the middle.

Time travel

Friday February 8th, 9:41 pm

Hand in hand, Eliott and Lucille walked in the Parisian night. The couple went to Lycée Dorian, where a secret party was held inside the common room. The young man had to insist to Lucille to come with him. The young woman wasn't really eager. As the mid-year exams approached, spending a night dancing with high school students whom she didn't even know, was feeling, for her, slightly like a waste of precious time. But, as usual, Eliott had been convincing. Discreetly, they get into the highschool, walked a few meters and got to a room full of laughter and electronic sounds. Eliott was visibly nervous but Lucille didn't understand why. Perhaps he was freaking out to spend the first party with his classmates? Perhaps he was anxious to please everybody in that party? Anyway, the young man remained silent and dragged Lucille inside.

The foyer was way too narrow to comfortably accommodate the amount of teenagers dancing and jumping to the rhythms of the large speakers settled at the four corners of the room. The atmosphere was saturated with smoke and alcohol vapors. Lucille turned and looked up at Eliott. The latter was watching the whole crowd. Obviously he was looking for something or someone in particular. When he seemed to find it/him/her, he walked across the crowd with quick steps. To keep from getting lost, Eliott put an arm on Lucille's shoulders. They made their way through the dancers until the young man slowed down and stopped. In front of them were standing two teenagers. The girl looked young, very young. She had beautiful dark hair tied in a pretty french braid and was smiling with a bright white smile. Lucille smiled at her politely. Eliott, not giving her much attention, had preferred to focus his attention on the young man by her side. Following his gaze, Lucille's eyes lingered on him. He wasn't tall, was even a little smaller than Lucille. His hair was a big mess and seemed to defy the laws of gravity. Just like Eliott's, thought the young woman. His body was thin and nervous, although he wasn't quite the type of guy Lucille used to liked, he had a je ne sais quoi that made him very attractive. Something in him attracted the eyes and the sympathy. Despite the darkness of the room, his deep blue eyes stood out from all the rest. Unlike the girl, that Lucille guessed was his girlfriend, he wasn't smiling. On the contrary, he seemed to be suspicious about Eliott, he looked at him as if he was frightened and at the same time... Nervous. Had something happened between the two young men? An argument, a misunderstanding? Eliott had never told her about something like that.

"Hey mec”. Eliott said. Despite the mask on his face, Lucille could tell by his voice that the young man was smiling. "Hi Eliott.” Replied the girl, not caring that Eliott's greeting wasn't directly addressed to her. The slender young man still didn't smile and was still staring at Eliott. "Hi, I'm Chloé.” The young girl introduced herself in a pretty smile as she turned to Lucille. "Lucille." Just answered the young woman. The scene was strange to Lucille, as if she lacked many explanations to understand everything that was happening between them four. The two boys stared at each other. The two young girls seemed outside, way off their concerns. The tension was heavy and Lucille wondered if it wasn't better for them to move away, as the animosity between the two boys grew from second to second. Yet the boy finally spoke. "Hi.” He simply replied, his eyes still focused on Eliott.

Answering absolutely nothing, Eliott took Lucille's hand in his own, and walked away from the couple. Lucille didn't understand anything. At first, he had seemed to look for this boy in the crowd, he had found him, get to him and waited for him to say his first word to finally getting away from him? It didn't make sense. Eliott began to dance frantically, a broad smile on his lips. Lucille looked at him for a moment then let the music invade her body. A song, two songs. As before, when they were still at high school, Lucille danced, jumped, laughed, forgetting everything else. The young woman was having fun like she hadn't for a long time. Nothing else mattered anymore except her body and Eliott's, moving at the same pace. Then, without her expecting it, the young man slowed down. He came closer to her and instinctively Lucille stopped jumping in her turn. Eliott stared at her with dark eyes. He didn't lean over. Without really ever saying it out loud, Lucille worshiped when the young man did so. Usually, to look at her, to kiss her, he leaned forward, putting himself at her height to express all his tenderness. There, it wasn't that. His gestures weren't sweet or tender. It was all about pure attraction, arousal. Staring her body from the feet to the head, he seemed to tell her that he wanted her but that it was up to her to reach his mouth. A shiver ran down Lucille's spine. It had been a long time since the young woman hadn't wanted him so hard. They slowly moved their bodies together, coming closer of each other. Their lips searched and found each other. In contrast to electronic beats, their bodies started to dance to their own music. Hands on the young woman's hips, Eliott dragged her against his tensed torso and let his tongue slip into her mouth. Sighing, Lucille put her hands on his nape and closed her eyes. Eliott was hers, only hers, how could it be otherwise in such a passionate kiss? Eyes still closed, she enjoyed the taste of his tongue in her mouth. Mint, beer and cigarette. Short breathing , flushed cheeks, the young woman buried a hand in the hair of the young man. His body was like a drug to her, the more she kissed him the more she wanted him, his mouth, his tongue, his skin. Everything, she wanted everything from him, getting lost in his body like...

Suddenly, silence. The music shut down, the cold neon lights replaced the multicolored flashes. Lucille opened her eyes and looked at Eliott, who didn't seem to have closed his own at all. The couple tensed abruptly, looking all around them to try to put words on this sudden mood change. A blond girl appeared in the crowd, she looked in panick. "Code red! I repeat: code red! This is not a drill!” She exclaimed before other teenage girls clarified her words. "So get a move on! The watchman's here, dammit!" “Every man for himself!” "Yeah! Let's go!"

Everybody rushed to the door. Without further ado, Eliott grabbed Lucille's hand and led her towards the courtyard. Once outside, the young woman ran as fast as possible. If there was one person who shouldn't be caught by the watchman, it was her: A girl over the age of majority, not even enrolled in the school, it was much more risky for her than for any of the other teens. Eliott dropped her hand to allowed them to run faster. They ran a long time. Lucille was in front, thinking the young man on her heels. She slowed down only a few minutes later, getting in a deserted street and no longer hearing any noise around her. She turned around, Eliott was no longer here. Hands on her knees, struggling to catch her breath, she walked back in the previous streets but didn't see anybody. Where was he? The young woman grabbed her phone in her jeans. The young man didn't answer to the call, she left a message. "Yeah... Eliott it's me... Well... Call me back as soon as you can... I hope you're okay..." Without any news from her boyfriend, Lucille came back to her place alone, her phone in her hand, waiting for some news that didn't come until much later in the night while she was already asleep in her bed.

#Still going on of course #Feeling a bit emo #It'll be over soon #I'll keep writing about elu of course #But I'll miss Lucille...#Yeah #Unpopular opinion #I don't care !!#Skam France

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bluelixn · 6 years ago

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For You, I’d Steal the Stars By: BlueLionWrites on AO3 For MoonlitPaladin When Allura sets Shiro up with a date for her wedding on Valentine’s Day, he doesn’t think it’ll go well but instead he meets the one person he wants to spend every Valentine’s Day with from now until forever. February 13 2019 Lance’s gaze was taken, a soft smile lilting his lips as he peered down at the white gold band sitting perfectly on his ring finger, the light filtering in through the sheer curtains of their living room glinted off of the smooth metal and the beautiful black star sapphire set in the centre of the band. Shiro had found the stone on one of his many trips abroad and had kept ahold of it for many years before having it made into the ring he proposed to Lance with. There was nowhere Lance would rather be right now, sitting in bed, perched comfortably between his husbands legs, broad arms wrapped around his middle as they watched some terrible soap opera Shiro was rather invested in. An open bag of chips sat beside them, neglected in favour of Lance tracing patterns along the back of Shiro’s arm, humming lowly in contentment. “Whatcha think about baby?” Shiro murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Lance’s head. Lance interlaced his fingers with Shiro’s, raising his husband’s hand to his lips to press a kiss to the backs of his knuckles, “I’m thinking that the main dude on that TV show of yours is kinda hot” he teased, laughing as Shiro jabbed him in the side playfully, rolling him down the mattress and pinning Lance beneath his body weight and peppering Lance’s face with wet kisses. When their laughter finally died down, Lance spoke.“I just can’t believe tomorrow is our anniversary… I love you so much Mr Shirogane” he murmured, cupping Shiro’s face and leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you more Mr Shirogane” July 22nd 2013 “Shiro! My beautiful best friend in the entire universe, the yin to my yang, the light of my life, funny seeing you here! How are you?” Allura cooed, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she slid into the cracked leather booth across from Shiro with a grin on her face that only spelled trouble. The Kaltenecker Creamery was famous for their milkshakes and currently Shiro was sipping his with little interest, peering across at Allura with a suspicious squint. “I know that face, Allura. Oh god, what did you do and how did you know I was here?” Shiro asks worriedly, peering across at his best friend who was currently pretending to read over the menu with immense interest as Shiro sipped on his Cherry Bomb Milkshake. Allura pressed her palm to her chest dramatically and gasped, a mock look of shock twisting her features, “What? How could you say such a thing? Can’t a girl run into her best friend by pure happenstance?” Shiro merely raised an eyebrow, arms folding over his broad chest.Allura sighed “Fine, I called Keith and he told me. Do you want to get some lunch? My treat?”. “You’re trying to butter me up because you’ve done something I’m probably not gonna want to hear… Need I remind you of the piñata incident?” Shiro returned, raising both eyebrows expectantly over at Allura before taking another sip of his milkshake. Allura grimaced and shook her head; “You promised we would never again speak of the piñata incident but… and I know what you’re going to say but I don’t care because I know you’ll love him…” she trailed off, clapping her hands together excitedly. “I found you a date for my wedding”. Valentine’s Day 2014 Shiro was honestly speechless as he peered around the beautiful room he and Allura had arrived in, dropping his luggage in the corner where it wouldn’t get underfoot. They were in the Penthouse Suite of an absolutely stunning hotel with sweeping marble floors, crystal chandeliers and rich purple and silver accents, apparently it was owned by a friend of Allura’s and currently the wedding party for both brides was occupying the space; Shiro, the bridesmaids, a couple make-up artists and hairdressers, a photographer and a member of the hotels staff on hand in case they needed anything. Along an ornate wrack held their outfits; perfectly pressed and cleaned, ready to be handed out so everyone could dress now that their hair and make-up was finished. Allura grinned widely, hurrying across the room and pulling the intruder into a tight hug, careful not to mess up the stunning up-do her hair had been transformed into. Shiro’s lips parted in a silent ‘oh’ as he took in the stranger currently being crushed in Allura’s embrace; beautiful tanned skin and soft brown hair that fell across mischievous eyes, a cheeky grin and the lithe body of a swimmer that had Shiro subconsciously checking for drool dripping down his chin. “I’m so glad you could make it here for the wedding” Allura exclaimed, pulling away. “Shiro, come here!” Allura beckoned him over, “Shiro, this is Lance, Romelle’s best friend. He lives down in Miami and couldn’t fly in until the day of the wedding.” Shiro nodded dumbly, offering his hand to Lance to shake and flushing pink as the brunet raised his hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to the skin there with a small smirk, “Romelle told me you were hot but she seems to have left out the part where panties must hit the floor whenever you enter a room”. “Lance!” Allura admonished, breaking out into a fit of giggles at the sight of Shiro’s expression. “I- uh… you- thank-you?“ Shiro spluttered, cheeks turning a nice shade of beet red as he laughed nervously to avoid trying to form a coherent sentence. He was utterly entranced by Lance who beamed at him, letting go of his hand in order to mingle with the rest of the bridal party. Allura clapped her hands together, ushering the two of them into the adjoining closet in order to change, two of the bridesmaids handing them their suits as they went. Allura patted Shiro on the shoulder, “you’re welcome” she mouthed, sending Shiro a wink before draping her silk robe on the California king and pulling her dress from the rack. - The wedding was a beautiful affair; with soft pink flower petals decorating the aisle, fairy lights strewn throughout the trees and a beautiful ceremony that had even Shiro tearing up a little. As the reception progressed and Allura and Romelle began their first dance as a couple, Shiro found himself standing beside Lance, the soft lights reflecting in ocean blue eyes and honestly, he found he could scarcely tear his gaze away. As their dance drew to a close and applause sounded from every corner of the spacious hall, Shiro turned to Lance, offering him his hand. “Will you dance with me?” New Years Eve 2014 When the wedding had drawn to a close, Shiro and Lance had ended up returning to Lance’s hotel room, feet aching something terrible from dancing together for most of the night and falling into effortless conversation; exchanging stories from their childhoods and embarrassing moments throughout their lives. Before they knew it, the sun was rising above the horizon, filtering through the heavy curtains to announce the dawn of a new day. They spent the next few days together, touring the sites that California had to offer before exchanging numbers at the airport when Lance left to board his flight, pressing a chaste kiss to Shiro’s cheek before disappearing into the crowd. Due to their conflicting schedules and living on opposite sides of the country, it had taken a while for Shiro to ask Lance out on a proper date, wanting to be there in person when he did. They had spoken every day since the wedding, sending one another texts throughout the day and spending hours every weekend talking to one another on the phone or over Skype. Sometimes Lance would send selfies asking for Shiro’s opinion on his outfit and photos of him and his friends during outings or at music festivals and as Shiro stood in Lance’s doorway, it all felt entirely surreal. And now, here they were; dining on oven-cooked chicken nuggets and glasses of white wine, waiting for the countdown of the New Year to begin on the television. When the countdown began, Shiro put his glass down on the small table beside the armrest and interlocked his fingers with Lance’s. The TV was a faint buzz in the background as they both leant in, Shiro’s palm gently cupping Lance’s face as their lips brushed, slowly deepening as the countdown reached zero and cheers erupted on the screen. “Happy New Year, Lance” Shiro whispered as they pulled apart, eyes glowing with affection. “Happy New Year, Shiro” Lance murmured in return, pulling Shiro in for another kiss. Valentine’s Day 2015 Shiro’s flight had landed in the late afternoon the day before Valentine’s and as he exited the plane and entered the terminal, the sight of Lance waiting for him filled him with joy. He bumped into people, mumbling apologies as he rushed through the crowd, inching closer and closer to Lance. When he finally reached Lance, luggage all but forgotten, he pulled Lance against him, kissing him senseless, arms encircling his slender waist. “God, I’ve missed you so much” he breathed, crushing Lance against his chest, only pulling back to pepper Lance’s face with kisses. When they finally broke apart and made it back to Lance’s apartment, they spent the night with homemade pizza, Lance sitting in his lap, head tucked under Shiro’s chin as they watched movies, basking in one another’s company. As Valentine’s Day dawned, Lance’s phone rang incessantly at the ass-crack of dawn. Even though he had taken the day off months in advance, he had to be called in for a work emergency. Lance worked at the Sealife Park, caring for the animals in rehabilitation and one of the dolphins had gone into labour but there were some complications and needed his help. With a quick kiss goodbye, an order to make himself at home and a sincere apology, Lance rushed out the door, grabbing his keys as he ran past. The plans for their date now promptly disbanded led Shiro to his current predicament because even though they couldn’t go on their date, he still wanted to do something special for Lance and had told him as much via text. Shiro pulled on some oven mitts and said a prayer that he wouldn’t mess this up. - Okay, so he may have messed up.Everything had turned into a complete and utter disaster; somehow Shiro had managed to set his forelock on fire, the once white hair now singed beyond repair, the cookies on the tray were nothing short of char-grilled, now only recognizable as barbeque coals, he then dropped the bowl of green icing onto the floor which had then proceeded to splatter across every single surface, appearing as if Slimer from Ghostbusters had been brutally slaughtered in Lance’s kitchen and he then went on to melt a plastic container to the stovetop which he’d accidentally turned on with his hip while trying to clean up the icing… and then the doorbell rang. Shiro cursed loudly and colourfully, hurrying over to the door with a grimace marring his features. No amount of running his fingers through his hair or brushing off his clothes was going to help this disaster. Shiro groaned and pulled opened the door, donned in Lance’s ‘May I Suggest the Sausage apron’ decorated with a picture of a hand that pointed down to his groin, lobster claw oven mitts, a half burned forelock and black lion slippers. “Hey Hunk! Lance isn’t here at the moment; he got called into work unexpectedly. Do you wanna come in?” Shiro asks, stepping aside to allow Hunk into Lance’s apartment, wincing at the state of the kitchen. “I came to see you, actually” Hunk beamed, “Lance called me from work saying you were baking him something special and asked me to check up on you considering your, uh… history with cooking”. “Oh and I made these for you to give to Lance, figured they would be less… hazardous to his health” Shiro smiled sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he nodded in agreement, accepting the Tupperware container filled to bursting with Hunk’s secret recipe triple choc snickers cookies. “Thank-you Hunk, you’re a lifesaver!” Shiro sighed “The last thing I want to do is give Lance food poisoning and right now, we’d be spending the rest of Valentine’s Day in the ER if he ate the cookies I made”. - After seeing the state of the kitchen, Hunk, being the absolute angel he was, helped Shiro clean it from top to bottom; ridding it of the very green, sloppy icing and the lumps of coal that had once been store bought cookie dough balls. Shiro ducked away briefly to cut away the singed parts of his hair and returned to scrape the plastic from the stovetop with immense difficulty. Eventually Hunk had to leave, saying he needed to get back to the bakery he and his wife, Shay, owned and bade Shiro farewell with a clap on the back and a big grin. When Lance finally returned home from work, dead tired and hungry, the kitchen was glistening. After showering, Shiro thoroughly washing Lance’s hair for him, they changed into their pyjamas, nestling onto the couch together to watch shitty romcoms, devouring Hunk’s amazing cookies for dinner and if Lance noticed Shiro’s fringe was significantly shorter than when he left for work this morning, he didn’t say anything. Valentine’s Day 2016 With Shiro off work for the week, Lance decided to take him to all of his favourite places, starting with the beautiful beach that was only a ten minute drive from his apartment. He took Shiro snorkeling for the first time and they spent the late afternoon wandering the beach, hand in hand, collecting shells to bring home with them as souvenirs. When the sun had begun to set and the wind grew chilly they returned home. From their day in the sun, Lance was looking more radiant than ever, his skin practically glowing from the even tan, whereas Shiro, with his significantly paler skin, did not fair as well. The sunscreen disagreeing with his skin, leaving him raw red like an overcooked lobster. Once Shiro had been lovingly slathered in aloe vera, they sat comfortably on Lance’s old, blue couch, sipping champagne while an old Disney movie played. Lance twisted in place, hand buried beneath the plush couch cushions, pulling out a small rectangular box from the depths of the couch and pressing it into Shiro’s hands with a sheepish smile. “Baby, you didn’t have to get me anything” Shiro smiles warmly, tugging almost guiltily at the beautifully tied ribbon until it comes undone. When he eases the lid of the box off, he looks up at Lance questioningly, pulling out two uncut keys; one blue and one purple. “Well a few months ago we talked about maybe moving in together but never really talked about where the other would move to so that’s why the keys are uncut, I thought we could cut them together.” “Lance” Shiro breathed “This is… wow. I hope you’ll like the gift I got for you then” Shiro chuckles, handing Lance a card- sans envelope. “Read it” ‘Mr Shirogane, We are pleased to announce that your request to be transferred from the California office to the Miami office has been successful. Please collect your things and any outstanding assignments…’ Lance trailed off, looking over at Shiro with wide eyes and a hopeful smile. “You’re moving to Miami?” Shiro nodded, grinning from ear to ear as Lance tackled him into a hug, the pair of them falling from the couch and landing on the floor with a loud thud. Valentine’s Day 2017 Dearest Lance I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back to Miami for Valentine’s Day this year; hopefully I can make it up to you when I get back from this business meeting in Toronto in a few weeks time. I know you love things that are cliché and cheesy so I’m hopeful that this letter and the gift arriving later today, will be adequate enough to meet your standards of grand romantic gestures I wanted to write to you and tell you that these past two years with you have been the best years of my life and the last few months we’ve been apart have been nothing short of hell. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and honestly, it scares me sometimes how much I can possibly love another person. My chest aches when we’re apart and it only stops when you’re safe in my arms again. You make everyday so much better than any other and I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to call you mine. There is no one in the world more perfect for me than you, Lance and everyday you spend by my side is a gift I treasure dearly. You are my rock and my light to guide me home in the darkness. Before you, I felt like the shell of the man I once was but when I met you, it was if a whole new world opened before my eyes. Suddenly, the things I once thought were impossible were in my grasp. I have never met anyone that has such a profound effect on the people around them. You’re just so full of life and you find the beauty in everything, even someone like me. You touch the hearts of everyone around you without even trying and you’re effortlessly gorgeous, especially with bed hair and my old college tee-shirt. You cannot even begin to imagine how crazy I am about you. There is nothing in on earth that could ever equate to how beautiful you are to me, both inside and out. There is not a single star in the cosmos or a universe yet explored that could equate to you. I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy and for you, I’d steal the stars from the sky just to see you smile.You are the one for me, Lance, and I want to spend forever with you Forever Yours, T.S. xoxo As Lance got to the end of the letter, the tears that had welled in his eyes were falling down his cheeks. He loved Shiro more than anything, more than he could say and with such a beautiful letter clutched to his chest, Lance wished, more than anything, that Shiro was here with him now. When the doorbell sounded, Lance jumped six feet, brushing the tears from his face as he rushed to the door. He, Hunk and Shay were going to have a movie night so he thought nothing of the doorbell as he threw it open, prepared to let his friends inside so they could binge Star Wars together. What he didn’t expect to see was Shiro, dressed in his grey pinstripe suit, kneeling on his doorstep, a small red velvet box in one hand and a bouquet of blue roses in the other. Lance’s jaw dropped, his entire body freezing up as he processed what was happening. “Lance McClain… I hope this grand romantic gesture makes up for my absence these last few months….Will you marry me?” Valentine’s Day 2018

“Do you, Takashi Shirogane, take Lance Charles McClain to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” Shiro grinned, tears shining in his eyes as he slid the simple band down Lance’s slender finger. “And do you Lance Charles McClain, take Takashi Shirogane to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” Lance nodded enthusiastically, tears welling and beginning to fall as he slid the wedding band down Shiro’s finger. Grinning up at his husband with an expression of nothing but pure love and joy. "I now pronounce you husband and husband, Shiro, you may now kiss-“ Lance didn’t wait for the officiant to finish, throwing his arms around Shiro’s neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. Applause erupted throughout the church, echoing throughout the high rafters "I love you so much Mr Shirogane” Lance murmured against Shiro’s lips, their noses brushing. “I love you more Mr Shirogane” Shiro returned, grinning at his new husband before pulling him into another kiss.

#shancevalentines2019 #shiro #lance #voltron #moonlitpaladin

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