#was debating between putting this here or not because i wanted to keep my blog re focused but idk...

[weibun-art]

Wip snippet/test page of a comic I'm thinking of making. Maybe changed my mind about not bishopposting here but idk

Also, I accidentally drew it from right to left reading because I guess I rewrote my brain from reading so much manga, so thats funny.

[unlimitedlust]

Bite Me - Eric Draven (AU) x Reader | Part. 1

(The image above does not belong to me, all credits belong to its owner)

Summary:

They were childhood rivals who hadn’t spoken in years, until a wedding reunion throws them back into each other’s orbit. With tension simmering beneath every glance, one weekend turns into a series of unexpected moments, sharp words, and almosts that linger long after the party ends. But when fate keeps bringing them back together, the line between hate and something far more irresistible begins to blur.

Author’s note:

Good evening everyone! This is a new story/project of mine, a little different of the ones in this blog, but I felt like trying something new and I hope y’all enjoy it.

I don’t know how many chapters this story will have, so we’ll find this detail out together hehe.

Tag list is open, let me know if you want to be tagged in this story!!!

Masterlist

Disclaimers:

As the story progresses I’ll let you know if the chapters has any sensitive topics beforehand.

This story will have smut scenes in the future (ofc I can’t change this part of me 👁️👄👁️), but you’ll be warned!

English is not my first language, so forgive me for any mistakes I eventually skipped while proof-reading it.

This is a AU Eric Draven!!!

If you enjoy this, please let me know if I should continue this, your feedback is precious for me 🫶🏻

End of Author’s note.

Y/N hadn’t expected to see him. Eric.

Not here. Not today. Not with champagne in her hand and a practiced smile stretched across her face as she prepared to play the part of the perfectly put-together bridesmaid.

But there he was, leaning against the far side of the ceremony tent like he belonged in a different scene entirely. Dressed in a crisp black suit, hands in his pockets, head tilted just slightly like he’d already spotted her and was debating whether or not to wave.

He didn’t. Of course he didn’t.

She hadn’t seen him in what? Ten years? Long enough that she should’ve forgotten the exact shade of his beautiful green eyes or the way he always looked like he was either seconds from laughing or seconds from starting a fight with her. Long enough that she should’ve stopped feeling anything at all, even if every one of those feelings was negative. At least that’s what she always told herself.

And yet here she was, heart stuttering, stomach twisting, palms sweating, all because of a man who once ruined her thirteenth birthday party by telling everyone she still slept with a nightlight.

She swallowed hard and turned her gaze to the front of the aisle, pretending she hadn’t noticed him. Pretending it didn’t matter.

Y/N took a sip of her champagne. Bubbly, expensive, and exactly what she needed. She scanned the guests, counting how many familiar faces she could recognize and cling to before fate, or seating arrangements, forced them into the same conversation.

Because eventually, they’d have to have some sort of awkward unwanted contact. Smile. Pretend they hadn’t once declared mutual hatred under a high school gym roof after homecoming. Pretend they didn’t share a history littered with insults, grudging team projects, and one almost-kiss in the backseat of someone else’s car that neither of them ever mentioned again.

And the worst part?

He looked better now. Older. Taller. Small random tattoos over his face, neck as hands, and she could only wonder how many more he had under his suit.

Damn him.

She glanced toward him again, just once. This time, Eric was already looking at her and, unlike her, he didn’t look away.

He just smiled, slow and smug, like he knew exactly what he was doing to her.

Y/N rolled her eyes and turned back toward the aisle, catching a discreet glance from the wedding planner who was motioning for her to take her place. As one of the bridesmaids, she was meant to walk down the aisle paired with…

No. No, it couldn’t be.

But as the groomsmen began to line up, she saw those green eyes, the tattoos, the cocky posture and she realized exactly who her partner would be.

Of course. Of course they were paired together.

He walked up beside her without hesitation, adjusting his cufflinks like they weren’t standing inches apart for the first time in a decade.

“Still pretending you don’t like me.”

She turned just slightly, smiling for the cameras but letting her voice dip lower. “I don’t pretend.”

He smiled like he didn’t believe her.

Their cue came, and they began to walk.

Arm in arm, in front of a hundred people, smiles painted on like nothing was wrong, like her pulse wasn’t thudding in her throat, like his fingers weren’t warm where they touched the bare skin of her arm.

It was only when they reached the altar and took their places side by side that she dared to sneak another glance at him.

He looked maddeningly content. Cool and relaxed like this was fun for him.

Asshole.

The ceremony was beautiful, heartfelt, full of quiet laughter and teary-eyed vows. But Y/N barely heard a word, because he was standing right beside her, hands clasped in front of him, posture perfect, and every once in a while, when no one was looking, he’d glance at her out of the corner of his eye.

She held her own and ignored him as best as she could, all through the confetti toss and the photos, the toasts and the group pictures.

As the party went on, Y/N moved through the crowd of guests seamlessly, hugging friends, catching up, offering congratulations. She tried not to notice how often she felt him just out of her periphery. And yet, every time she turned, there he was. Talking to old classmates. Making people laugh. Always looking like he belonged.

She found herself near a group of friends from school, half of whom she hadn’t seen in years, and somehow, without realizing it, he ended up there too.

Someone handed her a drink.

Someone else made a joke.

And before she could step away, she was pulled into a story, their story, a memory from years ago, something chaotic and stupid that ended with her yelling at him in front of the whole class.

The group laughed, and someone added, “Honestly, I always thought you two were either going to kill each other or…”

“Don’t,” Y/N cut in quickly, but her half-drunken smile betrayed her amusement.

Eric leaned back lazily, resting his arms on the wooden seat rest. “Finish that sentence. I’m curious.”

Their friends howled again, cheers going up as drinks were raised. A few mock bets were placed. Old inside jokes were tossed back and forth like they’d never stopped being sixteen and reckless.

And though Y/N laughed with them, her eyes kept drifting across the circle. To him.

Because even now, after all these years, it still felt like a live wire buzzed between them. One wrong word. One too-long look. And something would spark. It had always been like that.

She stood up eventually, excusing herself with a polite smile, heading toward the bar for a refill she didn’t really want.

Behind her, she could still feel his gaze heavy on her back, travelling up and down her body.

Yet she didn’t turn around, not until she reached the bar and the bartender leaned in to ask what she wanted, only for someone to beat her to it.

“She’ll have the champagne,” Eric said smoothly, sliding up beside her.

She stared at him, unamused. “I can speak for myself.”

“I know,” he replied, handing her the glass the bartender had just poured. “I just wanted an excuse to stand here.”

She took it from him, lips brushing the rim but not drinking. “You don’t need an excuse to be a pain in the ass, Eric. You never did.”

He grinned, leaning in close enough for only her to hear. “No. But it’s more fun this way.” He clinked their glasses. “Cheers.”

[velvet-cupcake-games]

It's About to Get Real Gay in Here

I am fully transitioning to work on John's route this week, and I realized that from here on out in the main game, all Made Marion romances are unambiguously Queer 4 Queer (except Gui's, which is Almost Certainly Q4Q But It Doesn't Really Come Up). I didn't mean to put the two most hetero guys first. John was actually supposed to be the second route, but his route and Robin's are two of my most emotionally complex to write and I wanted a break in-between.

For newer fans, it shakes out like this (in modern terminology):

Marion is and always has been bi/pansexual.

John is a bi/pansexual cis man.

Meissa is a bi non-binary person with a preference for femme-leaning partners.

Alanna is a lesbian cis woman.

Gui is some flavour of non-hetero and is cis but gender-nonconforming.

Geoffrey is a demisexual cis man (and probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum as well).

So let's put down a few Ask Box Ground Rules!

I will brook no homo-, bi-, aroace-, or transphobia in the ask box. If your question is offensive it gets deleted. I've been blessed with a generally quite pleasant ask box so far, let's keep it that way!

Yes, these basic sexual preferences are canon. I don't use modern sexuality terminology in the game because research strongly points to pre-modern peoples not thinking of sexuality as an inborn orientation. But of course pre-modern people knew that different people have different sexual preferences.

Why do I use bi/pan for Marion and John? Because they could easily use either label to describe themselves and because I like to reinforce the fact that bisexuality is not trans- or non-binary exclusive. This is not up for debate on this blog.

I will be particularly cranky if there is hate toward John as a bisexual man who has had male partners in the past. I've seen this happen to other LGBT/amare romance VN developers and I have no tolerance for it. If I get flooded with this kind of thing, I will simply turn off anon.

In a similar vein, I have been open about the fact that Meissa has a penis. I don't do ambiguous genitals for non-binary characters because I write explicit love scenes and it would absolutely not be fair to be all "and then they touched each other in their happy spots" for only non-binary characters. We all have bits, regardless of gender identity. This does not mean that Meissa is a man. They are not.

Everybody good? Good! Let's have fun, be gay, and, well... as this IS a Robin Hood game... DO CRIMES.

[friendlybowlofsoup]

Another Update

Hello Friends,

I have a rather long (but optimistic!) update to share with you all today. As many of you are probably tired of reading these kind of posts, I have a TL;DR here, but I did want to share what has been on my mind in that past half-year that I haven't been here.

It has been rough, and busy as always, but I think I'm finally facing myself and my project for the first time in a very long time.

TL;DR (it's actually long, I have a lot to say (*_ _)人)

I soul-searched and decided to stop compromising on my own feelings with regards to this project. I gave in to everything I wanted to do.

Plot changes, which means some character changes, which means some of the demo is outdated.

GotRM will be switching over to Twine.

----

OH MAN DID I SUFFER THE LAST FEW MONTHS

After my previous update, I hunkered down and really analyzed how I wanted to proceed with GotRM as a project. Because even prior to that post, I had already been going through long periods of hiatuses (which you are all aware of), and while I didn't lie about school taking up my time, I was also harboring a growing dissatisfaction with my own writing that really killed my progress for a long time.

So after everything had settled, I sat down and forced myself to peel apart my work. I know I said I would answer asks, but I uninstalled all of my social media and put aside this blog to focus. I made a note of all the things I liked and didn't like, and I made a list of things I wanted to change or improve on. The biggest point was that I also looked at my efficiency during actual writing sessions: how much of my time was spent writing vs. fighting with code? How could I change that?

And after a lot of deliberation, I figured there were a few things I had to change from the ground up, summed up in four points:

My working style was super incompatible with grad school. I can't spend 20-30 minutes scrolling up and down CSIDE checking code or looking for narratives while also jumping between chapters to make sure events line up. As this story grows, the more difficult it becomes to keep track of all the branches, so I needed an alternative working method, which I am adhering to now, and it prioritizes efficiency.

I hated the way I was tracking and coding stats in-game. I have griped so much about coding stats, and I have adhered to such a rigid style that I really felt trapped whenever I was confronted with balancing them out. So I'm throwing that to the wind and redoing how I utilize and convey them. Player-side, this decision doesn't change much since I never fully utilized stats in the demo anyway, and the stats page with indicators will still exist, but I'm getting rid of stat bars and how I treat stat checks.

The story I want to write now is different from the one I started out with. I've known for a while that GotRM was becoming far more than the tiny, wishful novella that I wrote as a teenager. I held onto that old story for a long time, but there's just so much I want to change that I realized I'd been clinging to a story I no longer enjoyed writing. So I spent the majority of the last few months rewriting GotRM from scratch. I redid some worldbuilding, I changed a lot of plot points, and I fixed a lot of characters' backstories accordingly. This meant scrapping stuff from even the demo, but that turned out to not be the biggest issue because:

I wanted to branch away from ChoiceScript. Honestly, I never really cared about getting officially published, but the camaraderie in the forums and on Tumblr were why I committed to CS and CoG. However, ultimately, I really want the functionality that other tools can offer GotRM, and so after a long internal debate, I will be switching over to Twine. Fortunately, since I was rewriting everything anyways, this has been relatively painless, and passage mapping has made everything so much neater. I am trying my best to make it up to chapter 2 before I release the new demo, so please look forwards to that!

And so yes, I am still here, chugging along.

I love this game and this story: it's been my creative escape for as long as I could remember, and you can imagine how frustrated I was when I realized I was starting to dread working on it.

I am forever learning more about myself and my writing style, and this is simply more of that journey. Thank you everyone for sticking around, for joining the discord, and for checking up on me--that I have all of you has truly been a dream.

Hopefully more updates to come soon! I understand that there may be questions about these new changes, so please ask away! I will (try) to release some asks that I've been working on in the drafts too, but I will wait until at least tomorrow to release them so that this post doesn't get drowned out immediately.

And as always, with a lot of love,

FriendlyBowlofSoup (Mei)

[twilightmalachite]

Final Ceremony - Chapter 6

Characters: Esu, Kanna, Yume, Raika, Nice

Translator: Mika Enstars

Proofreader: 310mc

❗️ This chapter was voice-acted live at the 4piece Final Ceremony Live Event! You can listen as you read along!

"Have you guys heard about the mysterious idol unit that everyone is currently the talk of the town?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Summer

Location: Backstage

One week later. At Esupuri’s debut live…

Raika: Uhyah! There’s sooo many people in the audience…!

If I sang here right now, just how many pennies d’ya think I could get?

Kanna: If the average tip is a hundred yen, then every hundred people would earn you ten thousand yen. 200 people, twenty thousand yen.

Raika: Oh golly…♪ That much money in just a couple minutes? I’d be able to live offa that for a couple of weeks!

Kanna: I think you’d be able to expect even more, since if the average can be risen, that monetary amount will increase too.

Raika: Yaay! I’ll go and sing a lil’ then! ☆

Esu: Wait hold up?! I mean, we’re gonna sing together as Esupuri here?!

Yume: Who cares? Yume thinks the live should just be Esu and Yume singing together.

Esu: Won’t having members withdraw right before their debut live make us just a bit too novel of idols?!

Nice: Oh, and here I was expecting you all to be more tense and weak in the knees. You look to be quite relaxed.

You guys are quite stout in the heart, aren’t you?

Esu: It’s because everybody here’s so idiosyncratic I’ve been too preoccupied firing back at every single thing they do, truthfully I don’t even have the time to be anxious!

Yume: Old man Nice. What was that promotion you did in the end? Yume’s curious.

Nice: Come to think of it, I still haven’t explained it to you clearly, have I!

Have you guys heard about the mysterious idol unit that everyone is currently the talk of the town?

Raika: Hmm? I haven’t. I’m wholly clueless ‘bout those kinds of things.

Esu: Well it’s like, we put so much time and energy into training for our performance today that we didn’t have any left to keep up with what’s been going on around us.

Nice: Truth is, your singing voices have already reached everybody![1]

As that mysterious unit of newcomer idols—Esupuri!

And as I had predicted, as a result of this promotion, there has been a surge in people curious about these “mysterious newcomer idols”.

As a result, there was a drastic increase in attention for this debut live.

Esu: Huh?! So that’s all happened?!

Kanna: So that’s how you attempted to create topicality, and therefore increase Esupuri’s value.

However, it is debatable whether it was necessary to put in that much effort. It does not appear to be very cost-effective.

Nice: Fufu, To “captivate the attention of a person” is an affair much more difficult and much more unpredictable than you might think.

You four all participated in 4piece, so even if you had a standard debut, you would have gained a fair measure of popularity.

However, it’d be just that much.

If you were to drop a small gemstone into a box filled to the brim with gems, you would lose sight of them amongst the rest before you’d know it, wouldn’t you?

Each of you is a gemstone with your own different sparkle, and I understand the value you each have.

That being said, not many people are capable of distinguishing between each individual sparkle, you see?

The idol industry today is tantamount to a giant treasure chest.

Within it, you all have to convey the charm and personality you hold to as many people as possible, in only the best form possible.

That is why I want to not only polish your skills as idols through my production…

But also place importance on promotions that convey the value of you all as idols.

I believe that it is because I was serious about being an idol that I am able to produce them!

Fufu, Esupuri was able to pull off this promotion also due to its unique characteristics as a unit, but…

I will also need to come up with a promotion that takes advantage of each of the Nice Dream Units’ unique characteristics as well.

It’s time to take flight. Starting here, it is your turn!

Now, go on and enjoy your first performance to the very fullest!

Yume: That old man Nice is a surprisingly capable producer, huh.

Yume had thought he was just a stupid old coot.

Raika: You could say I’ve been trainin’ every day in my own way… So I’ll give it my everythin’ for the real thing too!

Kanna: I believe the results will only be in proportion to the training I’ve done thus far, but I do believe it’ll be enough to satisfy those in attendance.

Esu: Aaalrighty then, let the adventure begin!

Let’s do this!!!!

Location: Esupuri Debut Live Stage

Esu: “Hello everyo~ne! Nice to meet you!!”

Esu & Kanna: “We are Special for Princess!”

Yume & Raika: “Our nickname is Esupuri! ♪”

Esu: “We are unicorn princes!!”

Kanna: “We’ve lept from a dream just to come and see you.”

Yume: “We are princes who love to awaken and toy with everyone’s pure feelings—the Princess Heart.”

Raika: “Well be deliverin’ a song that will make your heart race, so please listen closely. ♪”

Esu: “…Now then, let’s get started!”

Esu: “Listen closely to our song, specially for you! ��”

“Esupuri’s debut song—”

“—Shougai Zettai Souai Sengen♥!”

“♪~♪~♪”

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory

On September 2nd, 2024, over two months before Special for Princess! was revealed at 4piece’s Final Ceremony, their debut song was posted on several social media accounts under the name “🤍🖤Project” and “esupuri”. Throughout the month, they released animated PVs, off-vocals, Vocaloid versions, their second song Sukisuki Hunter, amongst others, all outside of the Ensemble Stars name. The project only had a lukewarm success, with their accounts only gathering two thousand or so followers prior to the great reveal, but it was very interesting and meta where they tried to showcase the power of internet commercialism. There was only a little bit of theorizing when a couple fans realized that the voices in the song sounded familiar to the 4piece kids’—It wasn’t until two or so weeks before Final Ceremony they began to catch on, noticing other similarities like how Codama Saori and Matsui Yohei wrote the song lyrics (and an accidental mishap where an Enstars TikTok was posted to their account instead…) Read more about it here.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Given everything that canon has currently given us about their actions, thoughts, personalities and personal histories, how would you arrange all 15 of Miss Bustier’s students in order from Most Worthy of a Miraculous in General to Least Worthy of a Miraculous in General and why for each character’s placement?

The inconsistent characterization and other writing issues make this a hard ask, but I'll do my best. I'm not going to do a true ranking, though. Instead, we're going to do a combo ranking and tier approach since there will be a lot of ties here and I also want to draw some clear lines between the different groups.

The Hero Tier: characters who are ready to be heroes as-is. They may need to do some growing to feel like a full fledged hero, but that growing can be done as a newly hatched hero.

The I Guess? Tier: characters with nothing to qualify or disqualify them from being a hero. They don't necessarily feel like a bad fit, but they probably need a character arc to truly feel like a good fit.

The Disqualifying Episode Tier: characters who would be in the "I Guess" Tier if it weren't for that one really bad episode that makes them look terrible. (Note that I'm reserving this for minor characters who don't give us much to go on. Characters without a strong core for me to lean on, making it hard to ignore these bad episodes as there's nothing to contradict the bad characterization.)

The Needs a Redemption Arc First Tier: characters that are not suited to the hero role in their current form, but that could be if they went through a big personal journey

The Hero Tier

1 - Marinette Dupain-Cheng

While the writers have done Marinette dirty in a thousand ways, I will give them full credit for her base character design. She has an excellent setup for a hero. She's a quick thinker who takes charge in a crisis and who cares about doing the right thing. She's willing to make major sacrifices for the good of others and has a strong sense of justice. While I'm obviously biased by her role as the lead, there really isn't a character I'd pick over her for our leading lady. She is the character best suited to leading the team in battle.

2 - Alya Césaire

Alya is in the same category as Marinette. Someone who the writing has done dirty, but who still screams hero potential. Her take-charge attitude and willingness to brave akuma fights for her blog make her feel like someone who could grab a miraculous an go. This is extra true because her core character feels such a strong balance to Marinette. Because Marinette is good at reactive thinking, she needs a teammate who is good at proactive thinking to help figure out how to locate and reclaim the butterfly. That teammate should have been Alya, but alas, we will never get it in canon. The only reason Alya wasn't tied for first place is that she feels ill suited to solo work. She needs someone to make her pause and think things through when she gets overexcited.

2 - Adrien Agreste

I actually debated if Adrien deserved the hero tier because the writing has done so much to make him feel ill suited to the hero role. I ultimately decided to keep him up here because he has a strong core character that's incredibly easy to work with, making it feel wrong to put him anywhere else. A quick fix to his motivation and he's good to go because he's generally a selfless, kind person who is willing to put his life on the line for others. Ladybug truly would struggle without someone in his role and no one else really feels suited to it. Much like Alya, Adrien only works in a team setting, so he ties with her for second place.

3 - Alix Kubdel

I wasn't totally sure where to put Alix because she's one of the show's least developed teen characters. A lot of the things we know about her come from watching her adult self, which isn't really fair as everyone else is getting judged based on their behavior as a young teen. However, in spite of all the bad writing, Alix does come across like someone who would be ready to fight at a moment's notice and who has a strong desire to do good, so into the hero tier she goes!

4 - Rose Lavillant

While Rose's character doesn't scream hero, positivity and kindness are good traits for a hero, so I can see why she'd be picked to be one. Her recruitment episode was one of the strongest ones because she didn't need any sort of arc to be ready. She's fine as-is and fit her role perfectly, which means that it feels wrong to put her in another tier. I do worry about her ability to handle a major crisis since she's quick to cry and can come across as a little oversensitive, which is why I put her at the bottom of the list. You could convince me that she should be moved down a tier.

The I Guess? Tier

5 - Juleka Couffaine

Juleka a nice person and a good friend, but nothing about her screams "hero." At the same time, nothing about her screams "no good, very bad choice." I can see a story where she becomes a hero, but it doesn't feel like a missed opportunity if she stays a civilian because I don't think that she's ready to take on the role as-is. She's got some growing to do to really earn her stripes. It's why her hero debut is a little awkward. They tried to speed-run a character arc about her gaining confidence only for that development to disappear afterward. I'm not even sure why they needed her in that episode.

5 - Ivan Bruel

Ivan is basically a male Juleka and his recruitment is even more speed-run. It really feels like he only got a miraculous so that no one was left out. Nothing about his story feels like he earned his spot. If anything, it feels like he was done dirty and robbed of a character arc. Just look at this recruitment!

Ivan: What if I hurt someone using my superpowers? Ladybug: It's good to be careful, Ivan, but remember, you'll be on a team of superheroes facing supervillains! No one can be hurt. (Ivan, reassured, smiles)

I'm sensing some Stoneheart trauma here or maybe even something more complex, but of course, we're never going to dig into that. Boo, writers. Boo! Either have him ready to go or give him a story. Don't half-ass it!

6 - Mylène Haprèle

I almost put Mylène in the Hero Tier because her activism shows that she's willing to stand up and fight (Ivan didn't get that grace because it feels like he only does it for Mylène's sake). Then I thought about her hero debut and decided that Mylène belonged here because it was yet another hard-to-buy speed-run. I even put her below Ivan and Juleka because Mylène is the only character to give a truly compelling argument as to why she's not qualified:

Mylène: (interrupts) No, Ladybug! I can't be a superhero. I'm scared of everything. Look, I have a badge for my fear of water, one for my fear of beasts. I need a necklace to help me get over my fear of badges!

This is not someone who's ready to go on a solo mission after a minor pep talk, nor was she the obvious choice for the mouse, so her refusal should have been respected. Not everyone is qualified to be an action hero and it's a sign of strength to know when you need to say "no." Much like Juleka and Ivan, Mylène is begging for a stronger character arc or even for a story that shows that there are different types of heroes.

7 - Max Kanté

Max literally only got a miraculous so he didn't die because they were in space, so it's really hard to call him a good hero candidate who was well chosen for his role. At the same time, I can't call him unqualified. His strong analytical skills make him feel like a character who could be a good addition to a hero team, though only in a supporting role. They haven't done anything to make him feel like he belongs on the battlefield. He doesn't get a spot in the hero tier though because the Lila stuff and his behavior in Gamer are enough to make him feel like he needs to do some growing up before he's truly suited to a miraculous.

The Disqualifying Episode Tier

8 - Nino Lahiffe

I'm sorry, Nino. I love you, but your behavior in season four and five was appalling! You outed your girlfriend's identity without her permission, antagonized your best friend's abusive parent for no good reason, and demonstrated a total lack of faith in Ladybug's ability to regain the miraculous, making it impossible to put you in a higher tier because, unlike Adrien, Alya, and Marinette, you don't have a strong core character that I can use to argue away these flaws away. I literally had to redesign your character to write you! So into this tier you go since you actually have several disqualifying episodes.

9 - Nathaniel Kurtzberg

Nathaniel generally comes across as a nice guy, but Reverser totally ruined his character for me. Since the show has given me nothing that I can use to argue that Reverser shouldn't count, into this tier he goes. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then read the Marc section of this post to see why Nathaniel needs anger management classes. It's why he's going below Nino. Nino just feels like he needs to be a little more thoughtful. Nathaniel feels like he needs serious work.

9 - Lê Chiến Kim

Kim has never screamed hero to me and his actions in Derision are hard to ignore, especially since they match his bullying behavior in Origins. I want him to be our silly dumb jock, but canon apparently doesn't, so into this tier he goes. I actually almost put him in the bottom tier because the bullying thing bothers me so much. It really does feel like he needs at least a minor redemption arc, but he's got several episodes that paint him as fine, contradicting the episodes that make him a bully, so it feels unfair to put him in with the true bullies who cannot be characterized in any other way without going against their core character.

The Needs a Redemption Arc First Tier

10 - Chloé Bourgeois

Full thoughts here, but the short version is that baseline character establishment is not the same as a character arc. The show made Chloé sympathetic and showed that she had some actual depth, but those things were presented in a way that made them feel like they were just basic elements of her character. Things she'd always had. Her character never had any sort of meaningful growth, so it never felt like she should be a hero. It just felt like her story had the potential to go that route if the writers wanted to take her there.

11 - Sabrina Raincomprix

Sabrina is a bully who delights in tormenting others and who never gets a glimmer of potential like we saw with Chloé back in seasons two and three, meaning that Sabrina is totally unqualified for a miraculous. I was appall that she got one without even a hint of a redemption arc first. All we got was confirmation that Sabrina cares about her best friend which we always knew. At least Chloé only got hers by accident. Sabrina gets handed one like she's qualified to be on the team! Terrible writing. 0/10 stars

12 - Lila Rossi

We might as well put Lila in this tier since I'd like to think that any 14-year-old could be helped to be a better person, but it's hard to have any hope for her. The writing has failed her by every conceivable metric outside of maybe her core concept. Even then, she has no place in a formula show for kids. She belongs in a teen drama.

[thebreakfastgenie]

tbh, you’re the only person here I’ve seen who says “I don’t block people” like it’s something to be proud of *and* isn’t some kind of anti-Sjw chud who thinks every long-settled human rights issue is up for debate.

Haha thanks. I'm not even trying to be say it like it's something to be proud of it's just a fact. The reason I'm different from the chuds you're talking about (I know the type and how they feel about blocking) is that I think the feature is good and useful, it's just not part of how I interact with tumblr or really any social media. To the extent that I'm proud of it it's more an extension of me bragging about being a digital extremophile because I've been a heavy tumblr user since 2012 and never used any browser extension.

There are situations where it would benefit me to block and I don't because I feel uncomfortable totally blocking myself off from anything and because now it's been so long that some part of my brain is like "keep up the streak!" and I think both of these come from my obsessive-compulsive tendencies. But in a lot of the situations where people talk about blocking I just don't see the appeal. I often feel like other people put some work into eliminating nuisance that just aren't a big deal to me. Ironically I think it's actually because so many things do bother me that a low-level state of bother is something I'm adapted to and I've spent literally my entire life working on the skill of letting stuff go. Also between how my ADHD works and how many blogs I follow most of the time I just assume I'll never see a user/post again anyway, or I won't see it for a long time, and I'm usually right.

I reblogged that poll about blocking because I thought I would be a fun outlier data point.

But like, blocking is good! People should do whatever works for them. Chuds don't like blocking because they want to be able to keep harassing people and it interferes. I have some idle thoughts about how blocking is sometimes perceived as a punishment rather than a practical boundary-setting tool but I think people the liberal blocking policies people celebrate on tumblr lately are actually more in line with blocking as a neutral tool which philosophically I like. So I'm on the same side as blockers I just go to the other extreme because of my weird brain quirks!

[max1461]

Current debate being hosted on @triviallytrue's blog involving @metamatar and @centrally-unplanned is interesting to me on a meta-level. @metamatar, a Marxist, offers what I think would usually be called a "materialist" explanation for US support of Israel: the United States gets strategic benefits out of its relationship with Israel and thus wants to keep them as an ally. @centrally-unplanned, a rationalist-adjacent(?) liberal of some sort, offers what I think would usually be called an "idealist" explanation: the US supports Israel against its own rational self-interest for ideological and domestic political reasons. Triv, a left-liberal, takes an intermediary position.

Using the terms "materialist" and "idealist" in this way has certain Marxist undertones that I don't necessarily endorse, and is maybe not even technically accurate for one reason or another, but I just needed some quick and recognizable terms in which to frame the debate. Forgive me for this.

One way or another, I have some up-my-own-ass and navel-gazatory things to say about the discussion.

I don't know a whole lot about the US's relationship with Israel on an object level. But on the basis of my priors I lean towards the materialist explanation. I think this reflects, ironically, a kind of liberal view of human nature: I model people (and organizations) as basically self-interested and rational agents, at least to a rough approximation. But I have a fairly dim view of where this leads us. I think that rational self-interest often results in murder and plunder and cold-hearted slaughter, and indeed the notion that humans are approximately rational and self-interested agents comports well with the fact that the world today and for all of known history has been characterized by murder and plunder and cold-hearted slaughter. My default assumption is therefore that, again to a first approximation, whatever is going on between the US and Israel is another instance of this.

On the other hand, I think it's interesting that the idealist explanation is here favored by a liberal, although it suggests perhaps a less "liberal" view of human nature. Under this explanation humans are foolish, driven by irrationality, ideology, and superstition, to work against their own material interests. Ok, the putative politicians supporting Israel for domestic political reasons are acting in their own self-interest, but the voters to which they cater are evidently not! Naively this view might seem a bit at odds with a liberal political philosophy, but I don't think it really it. Especially in this case, where the belief that US support of Israel is driven by irrationality and superstition actually serves to rescue the notion of rational self-interest from what otherwise might look like a mark on its good name. It allows one to avoid the conclusion that the rational pursuit of self-interest has lead the US to complicity in a genocide, which is not a very fun conclusion to reach if you endorse a political philosophy that at some level valorizes the rational pursuit of self-interest.

All in all, what is my point? I don't really have a point. I don't think this kind of psychoanalysis of others' political opinions is a very useful endeavor. I suppose I'm saying precisely nothing: the leftists in this discussion have taken up a position that indicts rational self-interest, the liberals have taken up a position that exculpates it, the centrists have taken a middling position—everyone has behaved in exactly the way our cheap psychoanalysis of them suggests they would. Nothing has been learned about the world (in this post, I mean), because although we see that the participants in the discussion are making arguments that suit their ideologies, we cannot tell which direction the causality runs. And nothing has been learned about the participants in the discussion because this kind of psychoanalysis is a crock of shit.

Keep on posting, everybody.

[natsubeatsrock]

Lisanna Makes Me Hate My Fandom More

Is Lisanna overrated by her fans?

No.

I can't believe that I even have to argue this.

And yet here we are.

I even debated the necessity of this post. Do we need another post saying fandom doesn't value Lisanna? Do we really need ANOTHER one?

Well, I need to get back into this writing on this blog somehow.

I reblogged a post about how fans worship characters you dislike some time ago. Someone reblogged my post all but saying they don't like how Lisanna's elevated over others because of filler moments by her fans. I know the person is a Nalu shipper, but I want to keep this about Lisanna. I have to imagine they think fans of Lisanna elevate her over Lucy. I'm not really interested in talking about that. All I care about is that argument about Lisanna's importance.

Part of me agrees with this. Much of the noise made about Lisanna comes from overestimating her relevance before coming back. This post wouldn't exist if I didn't like her, at the very least. However, as I've mentioned, she wasn't built up like multiple other characters or elements in the series.

Do I think we're on the same wavelength about this idea? Almost certainly not. If you think otherwise, remember that they ship Nalu.

But why make a post about this?

Honestly, this post has been on the back burner for years. I've posted it now as a prelude to another post I've been working on. Despite talking about Lisanna almost too much, I don't think I've emphasized something enough.

I've been talking about how fans handle Lisanna, given canon. I happen to be more generous than others are. Though, I have the opposite view of the situation. I don't think fandom does enough with Lisanna. Especially considering everything we've gotten from her.

I've done this a few times, but entertain me. Put Natsu & the Dragon Egg and everything the anime added to the side for a moment. (I need to talk about that special one of these days.) What has Fairy Tail actually told us about Lisanna?

Lisanna is the younger sister of two fan-favorite characters, Mirajane and Elfman. She'd had a close relationship with the series protagonist before the series started. (Yes, I'm considering Natsu as the protagonist for now.) About two years before Lucy met Natsu, she was presumed dead after a mission didn't go well. However, she was actually transported to another dimension. She spent two years working with an alternate version of Fairy Tail, pretending to be their version of Lisanna.

I know that's only a paragraph's worth of information. Admittedly, canon doesn't show a lot of this information. You're not getting the same focus on Lisanna as you would any member of the Strongest Team. Heck, you're not getting the same focus on her as people like Juvia or Cana at nearly any point of Fairy Tail. We've seen more of Mira and Elfman individually after Lisanna returned than just Lisanna over the entire series.

But let's break down each sentence of that paragraph.

Are fans doing a whole lot with Lisanna's relationship with her siblings? Are people writing about the Strauss kids as siblings? What do they think of each other? How has their relationship been affected by their experiences before and since joining Fairy Tail?

Are fans doing a whole lot with Lisanna's relationship with Natsu? I know most people dismiss their past relationships as currently irrelevant. However, it doesn't seem as though Mashima's forgotten about it. What about their past relationship affects their current relationship? What would a partnership between them look like at this point in the series? (I say this knowing this isn't very likely with the sequel's current events.) Is it possible that they could become closer than they are now in canon?

Are fans doing a lot with the mission that supposedly killed Lisanna? How does this affect those close to Lisanna? How do they treat her once she's back? How does the rest of the guild think of the situation?

Are fans doing a lot with Lisanna's time with Edolas? She spent two years with alternate versions of nearly every character in Fairy Tail. How does this affect her views of characters she didn't know before going to Edolas? How does she feel about Edolas and Edolas Fairy Tail? Does she resent being away from Earthland for so long or miss being in Edolas?

As far as I can tell, most people don't address these questions. People don't seem really interested in trying to read into Lisanna's relationships with her siblings or Natsu beyond potential shipping drama. People aren't interested in how Lisanna being in Edolas impacts anyone or anything in the series.

Now, people care about answering these questions. I've talked about these things quite a bit since Fairy Tail ended. My stories involving Lisanna in-series treat her time in Edolas as formative. And I've read several stories that provide answers to these questions from a number of perspectives.

However, most fans don't write about Lisanna thinking about these things. Has fandom moved past the kind of Lisanna that maliciously sabotages Lucy's place in the guild? Can't say. However, they're not doing a whole lot positive with her now.

"Why does it matter? Mashima obviously decided not to do a lot with Lisanna. Why would fans care about a character the series didn't do much with?"

The funny thing is that it's actually the opposite. Fans do (and should) care about Lisanna because there weren't canon answers to the questions surrounding her. Fans are interested in how these questions could be answered.

And frankly, this wouldn't be the first time. Mashima has done hilariously little with Meredy. But fans love her and create stuff for her all the time. She's one of my favorite minor characters to ship.

Heck, we got more of Levy because fans wanted to see more of her after Phantom Lord. The anime got Changeling to introduce Levy before Phantom Lord. However, there wasn't much else to her relevance to the series before and during that arc. It wasn't until the Fantasia arc that Levy became more plot-relevant and active. Mashima's gone on record to say fans are the reason why.

Fans have argued that Lisanna should have stayed dead for years. I've argued against this numerous times before. I've never understood why this matters to people. Of all the death fakeouts, why is Lisanna's such a big deal for fans? Mashima's written sloppier comebacks for characters. He's brought back characters with less importance. Why is Lisanna where fandom draws the line?

"What else do you expect from the Nalu vermin?"

Calm down, Chris. Of course, shipping has something to do with this. Nalu was always going to be popular with fans. Nalu is synonymous with the fandom. I've seen bias against Nali at work, even where it doesn't make sense.

However, you're not seeing the anti-Gruvia crowd write stories about Juvia being tortured and/or staying dead en masse. The issue with most isn't even with Juvia herself. Isolate her from Gruvia, and the problem is solved. The anti-Gruvia crowd falls into two camps: put Juvia with someone else or keep her away from Gray. Unless we're willing to argue that either is equivalent to killing Juvia, we don't have a discussion. (What day is today, again?)

The closest thing fandom's come up with for Lisanna is Bixanna. Unlike many ships, it feels like the fandom exists to give Lisanna someone to love. In fact, there's a small gap between AO3 stories with Bixanna and Nali. However, much of Bixanna's stories have the ship as a side attraction. Nali stories usually focus on Nali. That's telling on its own.

One last thing before the end. It feels irresponsible to end this post without making a suggestion to write Lisanna. Is there a good way to write Lisanna?

Incidentally, the anime gave us a solid approach. Lisanna has a tendency to tease others. We see it with Natsu at different ages in Natsu and the Dragon Egg. We see it with Elfman on Tenrou Island. If you're wondering, that crack about marrying Natsu aligns with that. That was also in the original chapter, so it's not without precedent from Mashima.

If you're writing Lisanna, you don't have to fall into many pitfalls other writers do. She doesn't have to be evil. She doesn't need to be possessive of Natsu. She doesn't have to be Mirajane's little shipping gremlin. (The fact that this is the best of these worries me.) She doesn't have to be the sacrificial lamb. At least make her a fun character to read.

In Conclusion:

Drink your respect Lisanna juice. This is not a request. This is a command.

[addcests]

HAPPY TEN YEARS TO THIS BLOG AND JACKET

if you've been here as long as this blog's existence then, know i'm finna yap:

sorry but warning for me and my mental health and my journey here...

smiles i am only human after all <:3 without further ado—

i've put off this post for... many reasons (hoildays, stress, perfectionism, anxiety) but maybe i'll keep this rendition and not chicken out or delete it because it's not perfect?

i really still can't believe i missed the anniversary for this! nov 29th huh? (yes i can actually !!! at the time i had just started a new job and that's where all my willpower has been.) but i fondly remember those ten years ago, that nov 29th is just as close to december anyway. so i always lead myself to think it's dec and not nov! details !!!

i don't think it'd make a difference but i do so want to get this in before the new year... (adding unnecessary stressors to myself smh)

it's been quite a ride through addhell. it's weird... to think how much has happened here. it's insane to think about how this one white hair anime boy changed my live in ways i could never fathom

picture it with me, a no one in a group of friends. with nothing but... the ambition of friendship, and the love of writing to fuel him, and a new username ready to take on the world: mymastermine.

that group of friends holds three: me, my would be DIE, and my would be LP. (does... does anyone remember those days of us three causing chaos laughs - tho mostly two, i suppose) we would make our way into the fandom, make tons of things, meet some people, make things with those people and make friends, lose some people, and grow, grow, grow...

there's just been... so much in ten years. ten years guys !!! that's a lot !!! i was a proud senpai and kouhai all at once! i'd found a really cool sensei. i ran into artists who drew things for me and i wrote for them!

i watched the rise AND fall of void els (raise your hand if you're an oger), in real time watched vMM became a cultural phenomenon (you're lying to yourself if you dont think he was - ykb did something irreversible to the add fandom that day i fear 😂 he's still relevant to this day lmFAO thank ykb for ur service), i watched the top LP/bottom LP debates :/, i'd poked my head into the els tag to see yall fighting but then i'd see some cool things too! i've seen so many cool projects and zines -- hell, got to actually take part in one! (cringe as it was - our writing, not the zine but still proud of doing that !!!)

addcest/hellsword (tumblr) isn't what it use to be though. (hell tumblr itself isn't what it use to be, let's be real LMAO) but... i think that i love that hasn't stopped some of us for cherishing and/or still loving add to this day.

i think if you'd told past me i'd be doing this, writing for one (1) singular anime boy, i wouldn't be surprised - couldn't expect it to go any other way i think

i'm not sure how to feel that ten years later i am still writing for him - it's been quite obvious where i felt it wane (but that was more my life and mental health (was in quite few depressive episodes - still am lmao), and joy - or lack thereof at the times - of writing and placing my joy momentarily elsewhere) but... wow i'm still here? LMAO

but i've met so many amazing people because of him... i've made connections, some not quite lasting, but then... there's always someone else there isn't there?

(i met dez and rain-kouhai for the first time recently! i've met more people for add hell between now and maybe 2-3 years ago! can you imagine that??? people still interacting, still wanting to talk about add - i literally can't! i go on twitter kr/jp and go "wow new add fanart" and feel so lucky !!!)

it's just little joys like this that makes me appreciate such things

i guess what i'm trying to say... thank you add for all the connections i've had and made.

thank you to my original trio

thank you to addhell tumblr... ! (literally would have never known some of yall)

thank you to void els (for gay add marriage lmao but also some more cool friends and mutuals)

thanks discord for hosting gay add ramblings and ao3 for letting me put my gay shit there

thank you - to anyone and everyone who has ever read my work and supported me - friends, mutuals, strangers, anons - and to anyone who's drawn/wrote for or with me! (yes, i think about your comments, your kind words, your support! yes your comment, you!) 😭😭😭 it is the simple act of creating and sharing/encouraging that seriously drives me forward in every word i type... and this alone feels like it's not enough!

but mostly, thank you add, for everything, really

where da hell would this bnuuy be without you?

i was going to... add a more emotional spiel but i think this is good enough, don't nya'll think? :')

"i'm so glad you're still here even after all these past ten years"

you know what? i think i might just be too

thanks for the one whole decade everyone wahoo !!!

-

"they shared a bed together." - jacket, nov 29th 2014

[pale-opal]

Mega Man Ships, but They're Explained Reverse Pandora's Box Style - Part 1

So here's how this is gonna work. I'm going to use a shipping template to explain a bunch of the Mega Man ships that I support. But here's the catch - with every ship, the list is going to get more and more obscure. Let me explain further:

The ship we start with will be something well-known, and the last one will be one so bizarre and out-there that you might want to argue with me once you see what it is. Heck, you might want to argue with me at any point during this. And you know what? Go for it. I enjoy debates. Just be respectful. We can settle this like responsible members of society.

I am a multishipper. If you ever see the same person twice, that's why.

 Some characters are aged up slightly (none of the kids are adults now, don't worry), because I like to think the characters age over time (that and I can't believe they gave Rock the Ash Ketchum treatment...). I will be going off of headcanons and vibes for characters without confirmed ages.

While I could give commentary giving context for each of these ships and the content I put in the template, I won't (except for special instances). Instead, I'll write a oneshot for each one.

Not only that, but I will also be linking a song for each ship! Although I won't be explaining those, or else we'd have a bunch of mini-essays of me doing lyrical analysis (but. Hypothetically. If you wanted me to do an essay for any of these songs for any of this ships. I would not be opposed).

Every ship will be under a cut. You don't know what you'll get unless you click the button. That way, you won't get jumpscared by some crazy, out-there ship while you're scrolling through your dash as this series goes on (that, and this series' title has to make sense somehow).

I've tried to make my handwriting as legible as possible (I'm not very good at writing digitally), but if you can't read something, let me know.

The inspiration and original template for this post have been snatched from here. However, you may notice that some parts of the template have been censored on this post. This was done for two reasons: 1. Some parts of the original template are suggestive, and I try to keep my blog PG for the most part. 2. On that note, some ships are between characters who are minors. And I do not want to make any sort of suggestive content about underaged individuals or children (or anybody else, tbh), thank you.

The censored version of this template can be found here in case you would like to use it (it might look like nothing's there, but that's because the background is transparent):

Now that the ground rules have been established, it is time to prove to you all that I (mostly) come in peace. Go ahead, open the box.

-> Next (link will be added when the next part is ready) -> Last (link will be added when final part of this series is out)

See? I told you the first one would be normal! - Ship name: Bassroll/Rollass - Song: "Head Over Heels" (1985) by Tears for Fears

--- This was a stupid idea. Bass stood outside of the Lights' residence, wanting to kick himself. Even if Roll answered the door, who was to say that she would react well to what he had to say? Stupid, he thought. Absolutely stupid. His fist hovered above the door, as if he were about to knock - but then he put it back down, shaking his head. He spun on his heel, as if he were about to leave, only for the door to open behind him. "Bass?" Bass jumped at the sound of Roll's voice, face burning as he heard Roll's voice. He swore at himself - what was he getting so flustered for?! He turned back around and took a deep breath. "Roll." "What are you doing here? Are you looking for Rock?" "Nah. I'm here for you." Roll's eyes widened, and Bass could've sworn she saw her turn a shade of pink - but it disappeared as soon as it appeared. "You - you are?" She soon became angry, and crossed her arms. "Why? Are you here to kidnap me again?"

"Nope. Kinda the opposite." He walked back to the door, standing in front of her. "I want you to leave me alone."

Roll blinked, confused. "What?"

"You heard me. I want you to stay away from me. Quit showin' up to help Rock in fights, quit comin' over to be a 'good influence' for my sisters. Just back off."

Roll's brow furrowed. "And why should I?"

"Because I can't focus around you, that's why! How am I supposed to fight Rock or do whatever random garbage Wily comes up with for me to do around the fortress if you're always there?"

"I still don't see the problem."

"That's the issue! You don't know what you do to me, you-" Bass stopped, his face flushing. Why did she have to look at him with those stupid eyes? "Nothin'. Forget it. Do what you want." He turned and left, his ears burning from how hard he was blushing.

Roll, on the other hand, was absolutely stunned. Could it be that Bass felt the same way about her that she did about him? Why else would he get so red when talking to her? And how else could she "do something" to him when she'd never laid a finger on him? But - no, that was ridiculous. He'd just told her to leave him alone! But at the same time... Roll sighed. There was only one way to settle this.

She had to talk to Bass.

---

"I don't want to watch this movie!"

Bass rolled his eyes at Waltz's whining. "It's my turn with the TV. And I don't want to watch it, either. But I had to pick somethin' 'age appropriate' for you two, since neither of you know how to take a hint and bug off."

Piano looked at Bass curiously. "Brother, you are being uncharacteristically hostile toward us. Is something wrong?"

Bass cocked an eyebrow. "You speak way too proper for an eight-year-old, you know that?"

Piano frowned. "You are trying to change the subject."

Bass clucked his tongue. "Look, I'm not mad at you and Waltz, okay? I'm just not in a good mood right now."

"Why?" Waltz asked.

Bass shrugged. "I dunno. I just... well, today I had to tell somebody who was gettin' on my nerves not to be around me anymore. But now I feel kind of... weird about it."

"Are you sad?"

"I don't know, Waltz. I don't want to talk about it. Let's just watch the mo-"

"Bass?"

Bass flinched and almost fell off the couch. He turned to his left, and sure enough, Roll was standing there. "What the - who let you in?! And didn't I just tell you to stay away from me?!"

Waltz squealed and ran up to Roll. "Roll, Roll! Are you here to play with me and Piano again?"

"We would like it very much if you did," Piano said, walking next to Waltz. "Dr. Wily bought us a new tea set yesterday, but Bass isn't any good at having tea with us."

"Yeah!" Waltz agreed. "He's the worst at playing pretend. But you're great at it, Roll!"

"Maybe we can play tomorrow," Roll said. "I came over to talk to your brother."

"Aww! Okay..."

"I have to advise you that he is not in a very good mood," Piano warned. "And based on what he just said, I gather that you have something to do with it. If I were you, I would exercise caution and try to determine if the conversation you are about to have with him is truly worth it."

"Oh, don't worry, Piano. I already thought about it."

Piano nodded and grabbed Waltz's hand. "Very well. Come with me, Waltz. I have an idea for something we could do."

Bass' sisters left the room, and Roll and Bass were left alone. "So," Bass said, staring at the TV to distract himself from Roll, "What do you want?"

Roll sat down next to him. She had to keep herself from looking too hard at Bass - he somehow managed to still be cute, even when he was angry. "I thought about what you said earlier."

"Psh. As if. If that were true, you wouldn't be here."

"I had to tell you something."

"Which is?"

"You know how you said I do something to you? Even though we've never fought or anything?"

Bass huffed. How could she not realize the affect she had on him? He moved away from her, wondering if that would help. It didn't. In fact, it made it worse. She moved closer, wanting to return the distance between them to its original state. She wants to sit next to me... Bass had to put his head in one of his hands to hide how red that realization made him. "What? You mean what you're doing now?"

"Yes. Uhm... I think... I think you do the same thing to me."

Bass scoffed. "Yeah, right." He felt fine to look at Roll now, the stupidity of her statement making him laugh. "Do you even know what you're sayin'?"

"I do!" Roll pursed her lips. Was she really going to say what she was about to? What if she was completely wrong about this whole thing? What if the reality of the situation was something really ridiculous, like she was a carrier of Roboenza and made Bass sick whenever she was around him? Or what if Bass was just really mad at her? But then again - she would never know for sure unless she said what she felt, right? "I... I like you, Bass. I like you a lot."

Bass snorted, and Roll felt her heart sink. Had she been wrong after all? "'Like me'? Really? What, you wanna be friends or somethin'? I thought Rock was the only one in your family stupid enough to try that."

"That's not it," Roll corrected. Her confidence was starting to come back. It wasn't that she was wrong - Bass had just misunderstood her. "That's not it! I - I want to be more than friends with you."

"What? Like 'best friends'? Wow. Not even Rock would think that we could be-"

"No!" Roll stood up, frustrated. "How do you not understand?! I want you to - I don't know, take me out on a date! Or something!"

Bass gaped for a second, shocked. Then he began to snicker. "And why would I do that?"

"Because - because you like me, too. Or at least, I think you do..."

Bass scoffed. "No I don't. You're a Lightbot. I hate..." he trailed off. For some reason, the word 'hate' didn't quite fit how he felt about Roll. Even though it fit perfectly for Rock. And Blues. Blues sucked. But for Roll, it was different. He didn't really have anything against her. She never tried to preach to him about how he was "more than his programming" and had "goodness in him", like Rock did. And she never tried to grill him about why he did the things he did, or how he saw himself like Blues did. But she did make his core overheat whenever he saw her, or make it hard to think, or make his insides feel all fuzzy. And it didn't help that she was kind of pretty looking...

Wait.

Wait.

Was Roll... was Roll right?

"No - no you can't be serious. I can't - I can't like you, I - oh, I'm done. Wily's going to kill me. I'm dead. He's gonna be so freakin' pi- wait. I don't have to tell him. Yeah. Yeah, the old man doesn't need to know about this! This doesn't stop me from cleanin' Rock's clock. This... I can work with this. It's all good. I've got this..."

"Hey, Bass?"

"And I'm sure there's a way to turn this off. I mean, I didn't start out like this. This is recent. It's been... what, two months since you started screwin' with my head? It's cool. I can fix it. It's fine. All I have to do is just... think of somethin' I don't like about you."

"Bass, listen..."

"Okay, let's see." Bass thought for a moment, standing in front of Roll to get a better look at her. He tried to think back to every time they had talked, every time they had a petty exchanging of words. But... no. There was nothing that he could use. "Huh. I'm, uh... comin' up short. It's fine. I'll think of somethin'. Dr. Light couldn't have built you perfect, right? Even though it sure seems like he di- wait, no. I wasn't supposed to say that-"

"Bass! Listen to me!"

"What?!" Bass threw his hands up. "What do you want from me now?!"

"Calm down! It's going to be fine! We don't have to do anything. I can leave. If it's going to be a problem, we can pretend like there's nothing-"

"Are you kiddin' me?! You started this problem - and now you want to act like you didn't?" Bass grinned. "I don't think so, Roll. Since I can't figure out how to stop how I feel about you, I'm goin' all in." He walked directly to her, making sure to get as close as possible without touching her. He bit back a laugh when he saw her turn pink again. "Park. Seven-thirty tonight. And you better not stand me up."

Roll smiled, and Bass thought he was going to fall out. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Hey!" A familiar voice called out from nearby. "You two should kiss!"

Bass whipped his head around, and saw Waltz and Piano spying on him and Roll. Waltz slapped a hand over her mouth, but it was much too late for that. "You two! Don't either of you know how to scram?!" Bass started to chase after them, and Waltz screeched as he did so. Piano didn't say anything - she just focused on being faster than he was.

Roll laughed, and decided that now would be a good time to leave.

She had a date to get ready for, after all.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

nov 5 rambling

all week, i've been seriously considering taking a break from political news, and i can't tell if that comes from a place of maturing as i'm about to hit 40 or as a warning about my mental health, because for me numbness and avoiding my interests are usually tells for depression.

but mostly, the idea--even as it seems like a good one--just kinda hurts, because deep-diving into policies and governmental history and being a nerd about campaigns and candidates has been a core part of who i am for years now.

growing up, i was surrounded by adults who didn't talk about politics, who as far as i know never even voted, who insisted it didn't matter or change anything. when i came back from college with a new awareness that politics existed, i felt like i had a lifetime of missing knowledge to catch up on, and i dove in.

plus, as somebody autistic but also easily bored due to adhd, i don't just have a singular special interest--politics is one i developed later in life. fictional media, live news, memoirs and nonfiction books, and journalism have taught me so much. i've enjoyed the learning. it's my kind of fun, being a sponge.

but this year was the first election day i've spent not obsessively refreshing electoral maps and awash in existential dread. sure, i know doing that won't change any outcomes, but it's how i don't handle the stress anyway. except that wasn't an option this time.

@actuallylukedanes and i spent the morning busy with important errands, and we spent the afternoon and evening making trips to the vet, worrying about one of our cats who'd had surgery. i went to bed that night in the back room, keeping watch over him and barely sleeping.

when i saw my best friend the next morning, tragedy was written all over their face, and they greeted me with the election results. i'm pretty sure i blinked for a few seconds before i responded at all...but it wasn't because i was in shock, or devastated. i'd just forgotten about the election entirely, tucked in a small room with a sweet kitten who was bleeding.

and it feels weird, all of that, having a day that was so big and busy that for once something overshadowed epic political battles and narratives and fear. who knows, maybe that's what daily life is like for most people. maybe that's how so many people are comfortable basing their votes on vibes and not looking anything up: they're too busy caring about just what's in front of them.

i don't know how to live that way, and i'm not sure i would want to even if i could. everyone i love is too at-risk, depending on who has power in this country, for me to put my head down and completely check out. and something about my bipolar nature has always meant that i feel a weird duty to take in the pain, like i can't fix everything for everyone so i at least owe them my empathy, my constant pressing-on-a-bruise awareness of all the bad things i can't control.

so i don't like feeling numb. that switch still gets flipped sometimes, without me trying, when the alternative would be drowning in the overflow of emotions. when that happens, i know my brain's trying to protect me, in the only way it knows how. and maybe that explains my reaction now, maybe it's a depression tell or a protective mechanism--but it's just so different from what i would've expected.

there's a very firm wall up between me and the results of this election. i feel hyper aware of what it means, the rightward shift of our national and state and local elections this week, of what could happen to my family and my friends and everyone else who deserves so much better. so on a deeper level, i also can't feel it at all.

i was heartbroken in 2016, and in shock. i cried so much, and we ultimately moved to a state where we would be safer. but i stayed hopepunk, and kept learning, and participated in mutual aid. in 2020 i blogged my amusing thoughts about the democratic primary debates here, and was grateful for every good thing that the government has done since.

but with everything i know, and everything i've learned, i feel even less prepared for what's going to happen now--because what i've learned is how limitless the potential horrors could be. spreading out in all directions, the future is a black box that asks us what we want to trust (things they say? things they've already done? things we believed no one would ever really do?) before we can know what to do.

so this time, i've barely cried. i haven't watched the concession speech. i don't think i ever will. and i keep returning to my usual news websites, the almost-a-dozen publications that make up my routine. it's become an essential habit for me, the scanning of headlines and plucking out whatever interests me--an online version of the browsing i used to do, back when it was easy to lug a dozen books home from the library.

i normally read anything that gets my attention or interests me, which is a lot every day--but now, i either don't want to read people's election opinions and predictions, or i regret it when i do. everybody wants to argue about why we ended up here. who's to blame. what to do next. what's coming.

at this point, i don't feel like i'm learning anything anymore, just being painfully reminded of what i already know: america isn't the way i wish it was, or how i saw it when i was a young idealist first learning about democracy. we keep repeating the same patterns, and being surprised at the results. and publications that aim for truth give space to writers pushing hate and fearmongering, for the sake of imagined balance.

so if i stop soaking up the political podcasts, articles, and constant data that has always made me feel so informed and empowered...is that a good break for my mental health? or is it just me checking out and retreating into a bubble where i can pretend this all isn't happening? how can i tell the difference?

it's been four days, and i'm not any closer to figuring out the answer. all i know is that reading about the goings-on of the government, the little battles on subcommittees or the history of the secret service and voting...it all used to make me happy. now it feels like a thing i do, because it's a thing i do. and anything that's too closely related to the election itself, all the podcast episodes and op-eds that have come out since, those feel like salt in a wound.

so whether it's self-protective or not, i'm going to take that break. set aside my political ebooks for now, and narrow down my news websites and podcasts to the ones that aren't so politics-heavy. i'll see if the lack of them bothers me, or if i don't even miss them. maybe it will be a relief.

it'll definitely give me more time to read the old articles i have saved from years of tab hoarding--literally hundreds are in that pile, mostly because i like long stories that dive deep into things, which don't make for quick reads. i'll also have time freed up that should really be redirected to the tv shows and movies on my watchlists anyway.

who knows, maybe what i need is a little less reality and a little more indulgence in imagination. i've never been good at balance, and depriving the creative side of me never helps. the one thing i know for sure is that after i found out about the election results, reading the news made me feel worse. so i came here because i wanted to feel better.

and it worked. i did feel better. people's immediate reactions here were so much more like mine than anything i've seen or heard in the news. everyone i follow is sharing resources and cute animal videos and revolutionary quotes. this is still a hellsite, and i've been away too much to understand what's happening anymore, but tumblr is still my hellsite. you are still my people.

i've missed every one of you, and i'm sending you so much love and gratitude. hopefully we all make it through what comes next, together.

[queerprayers]

I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and it’s really been helping restore my relationship with faith. So firstly I want to say thank you. <3 I also wanted to ask how you learned to deal with adversity so well? I’ve seen other blogs on here that frequently invalidate queer christians and openly say they are not valid. How can one believe in a god that would “make all people in his image” but then turn around and tell his people to hate what he had created?

Welcome, beloved! I'm so glad this can be a good space for you and you're very welcome. My ability to deal with adversity is actually currently being tested because I wrote out a complete response for you and Tumblr did not save my draft!!! And yet we press on. Hopefully this second try from scratch is still helpful/relevant. Please assume any lack of genius is because I used it all up the first time around. :)

I'm honored you think I deal with adversity well—I have a long way to go but I am proud of where I am. Partially I've learned because I had to learn. My greatest wish was to continue being in faith communities as myself, and that sadly inherently puts me in adverse situations. I'm lucky to generally have experienced passive/"well-meaning" homophobia in my daily life rather than active violence or abuse, but it is of course still a hardship. In many ways I am not given a choice—if I live as I am, this is what I will experience. I wish this were not the case, but it is—which means part of fulfilling my journey (existing as I am within my faith) means dealing with adversity, and because of my beliefs, I strive always to deal with it in loving ways.

I know I am connected to generations of Christians experiencing adversity, both from within and outside the church, and, like many of them, I have decided it is worth it to not give up my allegiance. To be clear, I have immense empathy and respect for those who leave the church for these reasons, and I would never shame them or consider them cowardly/weak—for those I know it has been an act of bravery, strength, and self-preservation. I want everyone to be free to make that choice—and I have (sometimes grudgingly) chosen to stay. 

I similarly have empathy for those who attempt to repress or choose to hide/keep private their sexuality/gender—this is a very painful experience that I wish no one had to go through, but some are driven to it. There are generations of Christians (and queer people of all religions/cultures) who have experienced this, and it's often a choice between coming out or keeping your family/community/even life. Ultimately, some people do not wish to come out, not or ever. I do encourage people to be honest with themselves and God, and try their best to seek out affirming communities for their own health/well-being and ability to freely serve God, but again, this is a choice we are free to make—and I (joyfully and painfully, in an uncomfortable but safe environment) have chosen to be out.

I've had to learn how to curate my space on the Internet and generally avoid debates with strangers—my current rule when deciding whether to give someone time when they approach me with abuse is to ask, "Would answering this be useful (to me, to them, to those who might read it)?" and "Are they saying anything worth thinking about?" Often, the answer is no. Someone telling me to kill myself does not want to have a conversation, and there's nothing to respond to. But if someone shares a specific opinion, or cites a Bible verse, or criticizes a specific belief, then there's something there that could be useful to address. And then, of course, protecting myself is also relevant. It takes energy for me to write anything, but doubly so when I know the other person isn't approaching the conversation with the same love I attempt to. If I have the energy, and feel like there's something to actually say, sometimes I'll say something. 

Whether I'm responding or deleting, I am called to keep moving with prayer and love. I can't let my beliefs go out the window when I get hurt or angry (although that happens to all of us sometimes). And always always I remember that it's never about me. Homophobia comes from ignorance/fear/disgust, and although I am sometimes the one directly addressed, I am not what these people have an issue with. Problems with me living as a Christian generally come from past trauma, ideological issues with certain theologies, or ignorance/disrespect of religion generally, not me existing. Again, I'm the one being addressed, but their (often justified) anger is not about me. I'm not trying to make excuses for people, but I am making the space for my own compassion and their ability to grow, as my religion has taught me. (Obviously this doesn't include instances in which I might be the one who has made a mistake/caused harm; I'm talking about unjust adversity people experience, not consequences of actions.)

I will point out that it is much harder to deal with people like this in person. Writing involves distance and time from the aggressor. I can take a deep breath, wait a few days, choose whether to respond, and reread my words before sending them, thinking about how they might be received. But on the street? In school hallways? There is no distance and no time, and there is sometimes a lack of physical safety as well. This is when I have most often given in to anger, or meeting disgust with disgust. Obviously this has often been self-protection and survival, and I do not fault myself or anyone for not meeting oppression with perfect calm—this is impossible and not a value everyone holds. (That's a whole 'nother discussion!) When possible, though, I do try to do what I do here—if I feel safe, if I have the energy, I'm open, I ask questions. People filled with anger/fear/disgust/ignorance often can't keep it up for long. 

Why do people hate, especially when they claim to value love? I don't have definite answers, although I've provided some already. I do know that most of the homophobic people I know are not abusive/violent—they are well-meaning and put-together. They genuinely want what's best for people, and think that guiding people toward repression or conversion therapy or mandated celibacy will guide their life towards God. This is a deeply mistaken perspective, that causes real harm and is full of ignorance, but I do not experience it as hate (although there is a violence present). They think I am not whole as I am, and think that loving me involves fixing me. This is not loving, but it is something I can understand more than outright abuse. It's another kind of adversity, one that sometimes hurts more long-term, partially because I can understand it more—I can't dismiss it. And these people have a hard journey—admitting they're wrong means admitting their whole worldview is broken, but also often includes making this judgment about their family/community, and might mean losing it. Again, I do not seek excuses, but context and space.

In my life, I prove them wrong by living wholly, fully, and openly. I cannot make them see my happiness—we cannot force people to open their eyes. But we can show them light where we can. We cannot save them alone, but they can be saved, and they will be. ("Save" here meaning to fully experience love, not conversion or avoidance of a traditional Hell.) I know my patience and love (the little of it I can sometimes reach) can help people, because people have told me it has, and this an honor and a privilege and an overwhelming stress and a gift from a universe I cannot move. If the way I have chosen saves even one person, it is worth it—and if we include me, then it definitely has, but even if we don't, I have witnessed others' hearts change. Moving and writing and speaking with love will not fix everything, it is not magical, but Love will save all of us—They already have. Love (who is God) is with us, even when we cannot feel it, even when we don't have the energy to comprehend it, even when we are blinded and scared and cannot admit we are wrong.

My beliefs inherently make room for people to change, even when this truth makes me mad, even when I wish I could just give up on people. Christianity, at its best, equips us to take a deep breath and remember what we were made for. As Pentecost arrives, I hold the Spirit close—I've never spoken in tongues or been set on fire (and not to jinx it but I don't really desire to), but I've felt the wind on my face and bird-watched in my backyard and sat around a bonfire with people I love. I have so far to go, and the road rises to meet me.

In summary, TL;DR, don't mean to rant but always do: I learned to deal with adversity because I had to, and with practice, while honoring others, while figuring out a path of love in this weird and confusing life, even as I fail at what I set out to do all the time, God sees what I do in the name of survival, and gives me the strength to keep going. I know anger and fear and disgust and ignorance because they're in everyone; I know what it is to believe something and do things that go against that, because I do it all the time; I know what it is to hang on to things I've been taught even when they're harmful, because I've done that. We can only pray that they do not overtake us as they overtake those who hurt us.

Blessings to you as we move through an inhospitable world (and website). May we do all the good that we can.

Grant, O God, that your holy and life-giving spirit may move every human heart, that the barriers which divide us may crumble, suspicions disappear, and hatreds cease, and that, with our divisions healed, we might live in justice and peace; through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. —Lutheran Book of Worship (1978)

<3 Johanna

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOOO nah dw abt embarrassing me it must be done….Id rather you see it than have me send it to someone who doesn’t match my freak and have them think im insane

Omg Karasu in the lead?? Guys…….Mira you’ve fr cultivated Karasu nation LMAOO but no you’re so right I remember seeing a poll awhile ago from someone and ofc there were the fan faves like Nagi Reo Kaiser as options and I was shocked to see Karasu there?? Ofc he was dead last in the results but not unexpected ig….also BAROU THIRD GUYS!!!! Barouism rising too??

No seriously Isagi would be sooo cooked if Nagi wasn’t there….trust I know that Nagi goal in u20 is gonna make him skyrocket I’m imagining all the edits to it now LMAO

It’s just the miraverse of content….new genre it’s called “would Mira watch this?” The parallels do go hard though I wasn’t expecting to find so many LOL

HAAHA SHIDOU lowk that’d be really funny….imagine like a 200k wc fic of Shidou shenanigans and sus quotes

Maybe I’ve been too desensitized because when you said too extreme I was expecting a lot more violence LMAO you got the perfect amount though I think when you said extreme I was thinking of Shidou level oops

NO FR?? Like he’s not gonna ever take the top spot but lowk I’ve grown to appreciate him….youre so right though LOLL closeted sweetheart >>> closeted asshole bro wait the grape candy scene was so cute I forgot to mention….its so funny how he kinda just gives it to her without saying anything about it like how people would do secret deals or something but no it’s just grape candy LMAOOO

THREE bro….the aura is crazy…to the dude who wanted your insta you should’ve been like “if you buy me a $50 cupcake I’ll give it to you” /j lowk investing in a bodyguard does not sound like a bad idea tho

OOOOOOH very excited for everything….also the whole masterlist layout for the oaeu>>>>>>>> the visuals look so CLEAN omg but guys look it’s aiku on Mira’s blog!!!! I saw the poll and have not touched it like wdym I’m supposed to choose???? Let’s see if I can be decisive for once but just know I was debating between tabieitaken and barou….speaking of im kinda curious to see which idea of mine will spark inspiration first LMAO take ur time tho im being so well fed with everything in the lineup so far

Im also laughing missing the cutoff is so funny to me because (unless I didn’t read something) it’s like if you didn’t safely get something in before the impending arrival of aiku you’re in for the long ride LMAOOOO

Ok actually real time update I just put them into a random generator to pick and voted LOL because there’s no way I’m deciding in time but I needed to show some opinion somehow….ok but anyways the main point I came back for was why is Nagi tied with your vote tracking option LMFAOOOOO I���m ngl I’ve never set up a poll here what’s the purpose of that…I just know that people aren’t supposed to pick it but I’m crying why does it have more votes than otoya and yuki

- Karasu anon

HAHA okay that is fair i will def keep you posted on any future typos 🤩 honestly they add to the experience though i mean what is a translator without occasional goofs (/j but also as someone who read a 1.5 million word novel translated online from korean #orv i am very used to wading through odd phrasing to get to the heart of a story so ngl sometimes my mind just skips over typos entirely and i don’t even notice)

unfortunately karasu nation has fallen…he’s in second now (w barou as a very close third) because SAE ITOSHI has a healthy lead 😭 honestly it was expected that man just has too many fans 😓 and most of the other characters on there aren’t AS popular (i’m sure there would’ve been more of a split if rin kaiser or isagi were included but honestly none of them were screaming oaeu to me…sae is kinda in the same category as them for me but he had strong oaeu potential hence why he’s included despite not being a miraverse all star like nagi karasu and barou)

I AM SOOO HYPE FOR THE EDITS PLSSS karasu and otoya edits from third selection?? nagi edits from the u20 game?? BAROU EDITS FROM THE U20 GAME 🤤⁉️ AHHH it’s going to be so good i just know those editors are going to cook up so many delicious concepts i’m actually hype (barely one more month we’re so close!!) and LMAOO no literally iirc nagi scored like four of the five goals against barou and naruhaya or something like if he hadn’t done that isagi would’ve had the naruhaya treatment and been out for good 😭 tik tok fans forgetting who the og goat of bllk was 😢 okay but honestly that’s why i love having nagi AND barou as my favs because one or the other is always up!! truly no losing there (and bllk bros automatically respect anyone who loves barou because most of them are barou glazers as if barou is ANYTHING like them 😒)

i guess part of it is also probably just kaneshiro using typical character archetypes too?? like girly dude white haired dude flirty dude etc etc the nagi dragon art was insane work though like what was the reason for that except to cater to us specifically

nah because yk i’d cook even for shidou 😭 but he would not be my first choice (or my second, or third, so on and so forth) HAHA he’s just a bit too chaotic plus like we’ve mentioned i don’t really find him too attractive even though ik some people do?? LMAOO omg idt i could ever write a character as violent as him especially not kiyora…like he’s chill for the most part just not hesitant to punch someone if needed i guess is how i interpreted it?? whereas shidou would just do it for funsies

I HAD FUN WRITING THE GRAPE CANDY SCENE IT JUST FELT SO HIM like the way he gives her a piece after she successfully swallows a pill as if she’s a dog or smth it’s just so innocent 😭 meanwhile reader is like “wow our tongues will match 😏” FBXJFKDS and him writing his number on the empty box so he doesn’t have to throw it away OR actually give her his number in person for fear of rejection…kiyora my underrated goat fr 🥹

JFNFJDDJSJ PLSSS just drop a quick “erm have i known you since you were four years old?? yeah i didn’t THINK so!!” and move on…i fear writing has made my standards very high hence why i’ve never been in a relationship but you’ll never catch me settling fr 🥱 if they’re not like bfb karasu or peregrine nagi or white butterfly hiori I DON’T WANT THEM 🤣 or ig someone like seabird sae would work too HAHA i’ll sacrifice the pining for a man w money and a sense of humor 🤩

OMG YAYYY I’M GLAD YOU LIKE IT i was inspired by those dollar store self help books as well as rom com movie covers when i was making it and i think it turned out well!! and then i saw one of the graphics accounts i follow had posted the green and purple hearts divider and i was like holy shit this is PERFECT it matches so so well w his entire aesthetic…also peep oliver and aiku being diff colors like his heterchromia 😮 LMAOO genuinely this is probably aiku’s first appearance on my blog (besides his cameo in the last part of fwtkac) but ahhh i’m trying to figure out which req to do next myself!! i have a few to choose from so there’s def a bit of variety…i’m thinking of your requests i’ll probably do chigiri?? because barou is part of the oaeu and idk if i feel connected enough to bachira to write for him yet 🙂‍↕️

NFJDBXSNK no because that’s literally what it is…after the gagamaru req my inbox was pretty stagnant in terms of new reqs so i was like ok let me just get these ones cleared out and then i’ll go back to posting my own things again as well 😭 literally the two hiori requests are from my 500 follower event so from back in JUNE like i need to wrap these up and post them 😭 but idm making the newer ones wait like they can go on the crazy oaeu ride w all of us in the meantime 😩

OMG WHO DID YOU END UP VOTING FOR (unless you want to keep it a secret because if so i understand 🫡) also omg that annoys me sm like fr a pet peeve…basically no one can see the results of a poll until they vote but that includes the creator of the poll?? so if you don’t want to skew the results you just make another option so you can keep track of the poll while it’s still open 🤩 but i absolutely HATE when people pick that option like are you seriously that desperate to know the answer that you pick the option that literally says it’s only for me?? it doesn’t matter what you put people will vote on it but it’s so annoying ughhhh i can’t stop putting it because i’m nosy and like to know what’s going on with the poll in real time but it fr irritates me that people pick it like literally just choose a random option if it’s that deep 😒 i think part of what annoys me is like it so clearly says don’t pick it…and then people still pick it…like were you all dropped on the heads as children or smth…ANYWAYS sorry i feel like i’m so chill normally but there’s random things that genuinely make me crash out for no reason 😭 ALSO POOR YUKI AND OTOYA they’re still behind the FOR MIRA ONLY OPTION (me rn: 🤬😡) atp i’m not going to do polls anymore…like damn sorry i tried to get you all involved why are you being stupid and illiterate rn

actually tbh it’s not that deep idk why it enrages me sm 😰 but uhhh i fear it does for some reason

[desolatespring]

What is the book about?

Ooh boy, here we gooo

I tried to keep this as short as possible but I started getting carried away. I could talk about this novel for hours, so if y’all ever want a full on essay I can provide.

CW: Spoilers for The Stranger by Albert Camus

The Stranger focuses on the theme of absurdism. Some people debate it’s more of an existentialist novel but the author, Albert Camus, refutes this.

The main character is written in a first person perspective which I personally really enjoyed since I’m very interested in the absurdist philosophy and I felt like I could really connect to the character. Related to the subject of my blog: this is one of the main reasons why I adore Chrollo’s character so much. So many philosophical questions are tied into his character.

Absurdism simply put, focuses on the absurdity of life. I personally find it to be the perfect middle ground between nihilism and existentialism. You know deep down, life is generally meaningless. You’re born, you live, you die. But throughout these struggles of a crushing reality where nothing matters you still try to find meaning and pleasure in the every day life. It’s quite paradoxical, trying to find a meaning that truly isn’t there and finding freedom throughout that struggle.

The story starts off by the narrators mother dying. At the vigil/funeral he’s more irked by the other people grieving, the heat, the sun, etc. At one point he thinks these people aren’t actually grieving at all but he quickly argues this thought to himself. I found this to be an important projection of himself.

The sun proves to be a great catalyst for the story. A lot of the narrators acts are driven by it, he’s too busy living in the moment of physical discomfort to truly reflect or feel any emotions, remorse specifically is mentioned later on in the story.

Towards the end of the story the narrator shoots an Arab man five times at point blank range because the sun is getting in his eyes and he is overwhelmed by the physical world: the sweat on his forehead, the heat bearing down on him, the way the sand appears red in the light, etc.

During his trial he tries to explain that was his motive, nothing was premeditated, and so on. The prosecutor claims the murder was premeditated and that’s why he appeared unbothered after his mothers funeral and the events that took place afterwards.

To the people on jury the murder seems to be planned out: you helped your neighbour write a letter to his ex girlfriend which led to her being beaten, then the Arab men she knew attacked your neighbour in response for her assault, then by some coincidence you just magically wound up with your neighbours gun and shot the man who attacked him five times? To which the narrators explains yes, precisely, it’s all coincidental and there is no deeper meaning to my motives.

I’m trying not to go into too much detail as to not spoil anything to those interested in reading this novel. But my favorite part of the story is the moments while the narrator is in his jail cell before his execution. Once again the sun is beating down on him but now he feels it differently, the same summer sky that once blinded him but also comforted him, he will never see again; he explains how so much can change in a year. He wishes for another 20 years of life, but then he realizes it doesn’t matter, even if he was by some miracle given another 20 years to live, he would still be wishing for more time to live in the future. This thought seems to greatly calm our narrator as he realizes the meaning he’s looking for right now on his death bed, is that there is no meaning.

All around Albert Camus is in my opinion one of the greatest philosophical minds and I highly recommend any of his works. The Myth of Sisyphus and The Stranger are two very great novels to start with.

[goshikko]

Sorry for the lack of activity y'all

It's July and I'm still dealing with executive dysfunction right now when it comes to drawing and social media. You're gonna see me be in and out of social media and being slow with art cuz of my mental health and I'm unmotivated to do anything right now. Please don’t take it personal if I’m not talking or posting much 💜

If you've been patient with me til this day, thank you so much for being understanding. I'm hoping this won't last longer because a part of my brain really wants to draw and finish up some art (And start on my Nijima lore animatic already), but mental health and executive dysfunction are bad for me still thanks to life, financial struggles, and pressure from my job.

If you haven't seen what I posted on Twitter or you're not in my Discord server, I posted a long announcement that basically talks about the power outages I've been dealing with recently and how it's gonna affect my will to stream over the summer because I have to limit my usage between being on my gaming PC and using my AC. My bedroom is being affected the most with power outages because of this and roommates downstairs under me and my family's floor are using our electricity illegally. We still haven't resolved things til this day yet and I don't want to keep using my PC and my AC too much because I fear the power outages will not only destroy my PC's specs, but my bf's PS5 as well and we REALLY don't want to start all over again from square one because of this happening. I'm just hoping this doesn't go on longer to November since I planned my debut to be on my birth month (If it does happen or if I'm still not finished with animations/assets for my debut, it'll be postponed to next year)

So yeah, that's all why I'll be in and out of social media and slow with art. There has been so much going on since last month that put me into executive dysfunction mode and I'm trying to bring back my motivation to draw again. I might possibly also quit posting art on Twitter (like what I did with IG for forcing their Meta AI onto their platform) because of Elon making dumb changes soon and the algorithm and engagement on Twitter have been so bad that it's been making me hesitant to post art again. I'm gonna consider moving to post art and streaming updates/content on here and my @nijimathey2kdemon blog instead of listening to other big artists complaining about staying (Which is understandable for growth and commission purposes, but we gotta get off of Twitter at some point because everything there is bad). Twitter generally has been an unhealthy site to be on and it was never meant to be a portfolio site even before Elon took over. So once Elon pushes more dumb Twitter updates to kill engagement and artist growth, I'm officially gonna be moving here, to Bluesky, Cara, and Inkblot (Still debating on Inkblot because their website has been extremely slow...) I also have a Discord server linked in my Carrd if you are interested in joining my Rybii community for art content, streaming updates, or just generally getting along and chilling around my server.