#was at a concert tonight that i was kinda looking forward to but my mom was late and after a while i was pissed and was like ight i'm just

[localbabygirl]

... stupid vent post

[dakotacrisis]

Trust Me, Trust Me

Because for some reason the writers will not give the Lukanette shippers what they deserve, we must take matters into our own hands. If you have not seen the latest ML episode this will contain major spoilers! You have been warned!

But other than that please enjoy this quick little fix-it fic for all you Lukanette lovers.

---

If Hawkmoth could get a new hobby that would be great. It really would be. Maybe he can take up bird watching or stamp collecting or origami. You know, just a little something that can take up his time so he isn’t interrupting one of Marinette’s dates for once in her life! She swore, if she had to miss another date because the butterfly man wanted some earrings she was going to hunt him down and skin him alive.

Marinette had made the decision to let go of her crush on Adrien and start dating Luka shortly after their trip to New York. She cared for him, loved him, but he was always just out of reach. Upon coming back to Paris and seeing how happy he was with Kagami, Marinette understood where his heart truly lies. It was the confirmation she needed.

It was hard at first given how long she had been pining after Adrien. He still held a precious place in her heart but every time she was with Luka it blended into platonic love a bit more. Her first step was to get rid of all the pictures of Adrien she had pinned up in her room until all that remained were some catalog snapshots in her inspiration book and a couple friendly group shots on her wall.

She was ready to move forward with Luka. She really was. Now if only she could get through a date without Hawkmoth interrupting it. The man had an uncanny ability to start something the second she was alone with Luka or when they had plans. The movies, ice cream dates, bike rides, concerts, she was missing it all and it tore her apart. She could tell it was starting to wear on Luka too. Not that she blamed him in the least. Marinette left because it was her duty but Luka had to watch her runaway from him dozens of times with little to no explanation.

Lies were becoming as easy to her as breathing and it sickened her. Luka deserved so much better than that. A few times she thought that maybe she should end both their suffering and call things off but then he would smile at her, play her a song, and kiss her forehead and everything would be right again. She couldn’t think of leaving him when he always welcomed her back into his arms with a smile. It was like his faith in her was unshakeable.

At least that’s what Marinette had thought. Luka was very trusting and understanding but everyone has a breaking point. Even someone as patient as Luka. Watching her boyfriend get akumatized because she couldn’t tell him the truth of why she always disappeared broke her heart. Having to fight him hurt even worse. Learning that the father he never knew was actually their favorite singer was jarring. Poor boy woke up in Marinette’s room not remembering anything about his akumatization or what he learned about his family.

That evening after Luka went home Marinette sat in her room debating what to do. The real truth was out of the question. Telling him that she was Ladybug would only put him and everyone she cares about in danger. But she had to tell him something!

She also needed to have a conversation with her friends because apparently, even after dating Luka for weeks, they still think she is madly in love with Adrien. Even if she was, so many people know about it at this point that she hesitates to call it a secret. The only person who never knew was Adrien himself! But that’s a problem for another day.

What she needed to do was talk to Luka. She called him up and they agreed to meet up under the bridge. He smiled when he saw her and it broke her heart all the more, that even after today he could still greet her with that warm smile.

“Hi, thanks for meeting me so late,” Marinette said.

“We did leave things kinda unresolved earlier, didn’t we?” Luka sighed, “A lot happened today and even though I don’t remember any of it I was filled in later. When I went home my mom was waiting for me and asked if I remembered anything from being akumatized. When I said no she told me who my dad is.”

“She did?” Marinette wasn’t surprised, if she didn’t tell him then someone else on the boat surely would have.

“Turns out it’s Jagged Stone.” He shook his head, “ My idol is also my dad. I don’t know how to feel about that. All these years I felt a connection to him but I thought it was just because we were both musicians. Turns it out it runs a lot deeper than that.”

“I can’t imagine what that must be like.” Marinette said, “Do you think you’ll talk to him after this?”

“I feel like I have to. I still have so many questions.” He looked back at Marinette and his smile returned, “Enough about all that though. What did you want to talk about?”

“Well now I don’t know if this is the best conversation to have considering what all you’ve already gone through today.” Marinette suddenly felt like an idiot. She shouldn’t be pushing more onto him when he’s already clearly going through a lot.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked, eyes full of careful trepidation.

“What? No! Of course not!” Marinette clasped his hands with hers. “Is that what you want?”

“Never. I just know that you’ve been missing out on a lot of our dates and…” He glanced down at their clasped hands, “I thought it might be because you were unsure about us. I miss you, Marinette.”

“I miss you too.” Marinette squeezed his hands tighter, “I want to tell you the truth so badly, Luka. It would clear up everything and then you’d understand why I do the things I do but I can’t tell you. It’s not because I don’t trust you but because it’s something that I know will only cause problems for you if I do.”

“Does this have anything to do with Adrien?”

“Absolutely not. This is in no way related to Adrien or my feelings or anything like that. It’s a lot more complicated than all that.”

“Can you explain it then? You don’t have to go into details if it is really that precious a secret but you need to give me something here, Marinette. I feel like you’re drifting further and further away from me and I can’t figure out what’s causing it.”

“The truth...the truth is…” Marinette swallowed back all the lies and looked into her boyfriend’s eyes. He had so much faith in her. He trusted her so much, she owed him at least this. “The truth is that I have a certain responsibility that I cannot neglect. I get called to take care of it sporadically and no matter how much I wish that I could take a day off I can’t.”

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she willed them back, “It feels like my life has been uprooted because of it but I can’t just back out of it either. I enjoy what I do but it always ends up hurting me and those around me in ways that I didn’t think it would when I took on this responsibility. Is any of what I’m saying making sense?”

“Marinette,” Luke pulled her closer, enveloping her in a warm hug, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not! Because I can’t control what’s going on and it’s not fair to you and I just wish that we could have normal dates and be together like normal people.” She hiccuped, “I really like you, Luka. I want to be your girlfriend and go out on dates and have fun together but my responsibilities keep getting in the way. Everything is falling apart around me and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like I’m way in over my head trying to keep everything from crumbling.”

“Hush now,” He rubbed a hand across her back, “It’ll be alright. I don’t know what pressure you must be under but you are doing the best you can. Even if the best you can is struggling that doesn’t mean you are doing nothing. You are doing everything you can at the capacity you are capable of doing it. That is all that can be expected of you so if a few things slip through the cracks it is not your fault. You were not being neglectful of your duties, you tried your very best. If you did nothing then that would be even worse, right?”

“But--”

Luka pulled back, grasping at her shoulders and stared hard into her eyes, “You are doing the best you can! Are you listening to me? You are doing all you can and that is enough! You are doing enough!”

Marinette started sobbing. The tears she had so desperately tried to keep away ran hot and wet down her face. Her throat was making an ugly croaking noise as she wailed and clung tightly onto Luka. She could barely breathe with how hard she started crying. Years of pent up sorrow, anger, and fear was flooding out of her and she couldn’t get it to stop even if her life depended on it.

Luka held her close and let her cry. He didn’t try to say anything to make her feel better. He just held her and hummed a peaceful melody in her ear. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there while she cried but when it was over Luka still did not let her go. Not until her hiccuping sobs quieted down into manageable sniffles.

“Feel better?” He asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. Marinette nodded. “Good. Don’t ever feel like you need to hide your struggles from me, Marinette. If you need to run off and do what you need to do then just tell me. I won’t get angry, I won’t try to stop you, I just want to know that at the end of the day that you’re okay. Dates can be rescheduled easily enough. I’m just happy to spend any time I can with you.”

“I feel like you’re being way nicer to me than I probably deserve.”

“And I think you’ve been denying yourself a lot more than you should. No matter what is going on in your life, Marinette, it doesn’t mean that you need to miss out on everything else. You can be upset and selfish. You should be. Bottling all of that up will only hurt you worse in the end.”

Marinette took a deep breath. “Well, I don’t have any other plans for tonight, did you want to do something?”

Luka smiled and kissed her forehead, “Anything you want, my melody.”

“Is it too late to go back to the boat and have a movie night?”

“Not at all,” He threaded his fingers through hers and they started the walk back to Luka’s house.

They were smiling and laughing the whole walk back. At the ramp to the boathouse though was an unexpected visitor. Luka froze, his grip on Marinette’s hand getting tighter.

“Luka,” Jagged Stone nodded to him.

“Jagged.” Luka said. His expression was unreadable.

“I’m sorry,” Jagged said, “Rock star or not I should have been around for you and your mother and your sister. I guess I felt too inadequate to be a proper father like you deserved. That’s not an excuse but--”

“Hey,” Juleka appeared on the ramp startling everyone. The girl was like a freaking ghost. “Are you my dad too or just Luka?”

“I’m your dad too.” Jagged answered.

“Awesome.” Juleka smiled and returned to inside the ship.

“Wait! Do you not have any questions?” Jagged called after her but Juleka didn’t seem all that concerned with the information. Luka wasn’t surprised. She never worried herself about who her dad was like Luka always had. She figured that she had the family she did and that was that.

“Jagged,” Luka said, “I’m glad I know the truth now and I appreciate you coming out here but it has been a long day. Right now all I want to do is sit down, watch a movie, cuddle with my girlfriend and process what all I’ve learned today. You are more than welcome to come by later this week but I really just need some time to myself to sort through all this first.”

“Yes, of course,” Jagged glanced at Marinette and his face lit up like the Eiffel Tower, “And are you dating Marinette? That is awesome! I knew you must have had great taste in women, just like your old man!”

“Jagged!” Luka’s mom shouted from the boat, “That’s enough out of you tonight! The boy wants to be left alone!”

“It’s alright, mom!” Luka shouted back. “Go back inside, I got this handled.”

Mrs. Couffaine sighed and went back inside, all the while still glaring at Jagged. “She’s right,” Jagged said, “I should be going. Enjoy your evening. And Luka, whenever you’re ready to talk I’ll be here.”

“Thanks,” Luka said, “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

With that Jagged dug his hands deep in his pockets and wandered down the street and out of sight. “You okay?” Marinette asked after he was gone.

“Still taking it all in but I’m fine. Now come here, I promised you a movie night.” Luka pulled her onto the boat. They settled down in the living room area. Marinette picked out a movie while Luka made some popcorn for them to munch on.

The opening credits began to roll and Marinette tucked herself into Luka’s side. One of his hands played idly with the ends of her hair. She sunk into his touch like a puppet whose strings had been cut. “Luka,” she whispered, lifting her head up to look at him.

“Hm?” Luka gazed down at her, “Need something?”

“Can I kiss you?” The questioned breathed past her lips.

“Yes you can,” He pulled her up closer. Their eyes drifted shut as his lips brushed against one another in the gentlest of kisses. Marinette’s insides fluttered happily as she met his soft lips again, kissing him deeper. He held her close tilting her head just so, so he could access her mouth better.

She giggled into the kiss. Her happiness unable to contain itself for even a moment. Luka chuckled too at her giggling so it rumbled against her lips. “What’s so funny?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“I’m just...happy.” She sighed, “I’m really happy here with you. And that’s the truth.”

[alikaheroes]

WOW!! What a night. I can finally say I’ve seen @halsey in concert 🥺😭❤️ So thankful! Such a fun time! 💖💖 #LoveAndPowerTour

*Added July 16

Halsey: Love and Power Tour 2022

Five Point Amphitheater 

Irvine, CA 

Saturday, July 9, 2022 

The FivePoint Ampitheater is outdoors and looks amazing

Cornhole games!

Got my Whispers bag for merch (will print the poster at home LOL) 

Chicken strips, fries, and a Pepsi

Random friends: Mom with her daughter from Long Beach, guy from Long Beach, Marine girl from San Clemente

The Marias were so good, I highly recommend them.

They played “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High” by the Arctic Monkeys and I loved it

about-face ads, free shipping! With purchase of $50 or more 

Chapter 1: The Capture 

Love the intro like from the IICHLIWP trailer

THE TRADITION 

CASTLE! Mic flip!

Halsey asking if we know what to do when the chorus drops and me shouting OH YEAH!! 

Halsey saying to STOP THAT TRACK

She doesn’t usually like to pit cities against each other (random guy shouting, WHAT IRVINE??)

Show is almost 2 hours long, baby, gonna need a lot of energy! She can see everyone all over 

My OMG realizing she’s restarting Castle 

EASIER THAN LYING HIGH ENERGY 

you should be sad is the best country song ever, we all stomped our feet! 

Firework shower with the Yeah-Yeah-YeahYeah Yeah 

I loooove the rock demo version of 1121 and of course the Die For Me track-I SOLD 15 MILLION RECORDS FOR A BREAKUP NOTE 

CHAPTER 2: RELEASE

The intro for Graveyard from the LA show with the Euphoria vibes 

“I really like you guys. You’re a cool ass f*cking crowd, I really f’ing love you guys. Wanna sing along with me going forward? 

COLORS!! The Badlands feels are so real 

How are you guys feeling right now? 

Absolutely never ever stops to blow my f’ing mind that I get to perform on stage and perform in front of a crowd that looks like this!

First show she ever played around these parts, Observatory? Asked Sheperd 

Played for 100 people (might be generous) 

Lighting power run through the kitchen, no fries that night 

Don’t wanna spend too much time talking, last night of tour little emotional (aww) 

How many people is this your first time seeing me in concert? How many have seen me before? 

Oh My Good Goooood? Loudest response for this tour of that question

Can tell you been rocking with me from the beginning 

Whether here for beginning, or 5 min before walked in building

Really grateful to have you here

Make sure tonight is the best concert you’ve ever seen in your f’ing life 

Hurricane with the Room 93 visuals ahhh 

LILITH!! My favorite! I shouted YES because it wasn’t on the setlist the night before and I was too happy to see it! I’m all “AW YEAH” during the beginning before I sing along. I also love the visuals with the Titane vibes

I heard the Lighthouse Siren and was sooo hyped, them O’Jays Ship Ahoy vibes at this concert had me emotional. 

“This Woman Will Not Go Quietly” line from the film 

One of my favorites, the rock Banshee vibes, beautiful visuals, I’m so in love 

killing boys - The whole crowd shouting “I’mma Uma Thurman your ass” was poetic

“You’re gonna hear the weird sh*t before you get the hits because that’s my style, but you begged for this so you better f’ing sing!” 

GIRL IS A GUN!!! 

YES!

TALK 2 (Chapter 3: Reflect) 

Be Kind drawing time!! 

Done paintings every single time something different

Those close in her life, do you plan? I mean, come on

No, Absolutely Not 

Do you plan what you’re gonna say? Set list before you get there? Same. 

This tour has been a lesson for me in embracing surrendering control (mild cheer for that—I did for the song Control) 

Used to get on stage wanting so badly it all to be perfect

Looks back on pics of sparkly costumes doing choreography and goes who tf is that? 

You guys know that feeling? It’s not just a musician thing. You see pics of yourself when you were younger you’re like who tf is that?

Kinda the same thing, 50 million pictures like that on Google

Ask at the beginning of show, what matters more to the story, is it good or is it true? 

Look at self in pictures, true to herself then, being true 

Some songs that she’s written doesn’t relate to same way? Does that make them untrue? Words not me anymore even tho they were at some point…little bit of a mindf*ck. Idk, kinda crazy

Most true version of myself is up here with a pen in my hand, canvas in front of me, and like 20,000 people that I love with my f’ing heart (I screamed WE LOVE YOU) 

When I look back in a couple years, won’t think omg who tf is that, will think wow, I was so lucky to be that person once in my life, so thank you. 

Songs about difficult times, used to be very sad alll the time. Still pretty sad all the time but wanna say if you’re here and share that same mentality, look back at version of you that related to sad songs and not that person anymore, sing your heart out tonight. Get it all out. When you leave, don’t take that old person with you, you’re not that b*tch anymore. You gotta exercise the demons and leave them on the floor 

This song is called 100 Letter 

100 Letters, everyone had their phones up with lights

TALK 3 (Pre 929)

In the spirit of the show of not letting things being perfect. 

Like the worst ever sang, on the verge of tears the entire time. 

imma gonna fight this I’m not gonna f’ing cry, I’m gonna do it! 

I did not do it. I failed. Miserably haha 

G-damn not even halfway through the set and I’m already crying 

“Where the f you at?” I coughed. 

HALSEY CHANT

Are you trying to make you make me cry? Are you guys playing a game with me? This is some sick f’ing twisted sh*t you’re doing. And you guys trying to make me cry more this is some sick sh

Believe me sang song 100 times it doesn’t make me cry anymore 

About to cry because knew what song comes after it, haven’t played it in years 

Probably most important song written for self in entire life.Really wanted to perform it in front of you guys tonight 

Dad to finally call me, he did (AWW) 

I wasn’t in love them (but I sure as F am now!!!) 

Done being sad, no more being sad long night ahead of us, TIME TO BE GAY

HONEY 

Me: HONEYYYY 

Went into 3AM

ME: YESSS

She’s laughing during it so cute!!

Fireworks and playing with guitarist

Talked about how fast song is and you don’t need to know the words 

TALK 4 (Thankful to fans, curfew) 

I know for a fact people on my team backstage rn like, “She good?” 

Are you OK? Did somebody slip you something before the show? WTF is going on?

Soaking up every second possibly can because this is the last night and love what I do so f’ing much

I hope from bottom of night you can see it all over my face how much I love being up here and being with you

Why get out here and do a show 2 horus long

Other do hour, get on stage, F off and leave

Wanna be here every f’ing second until the cops come up and yank me off stage for breaking curfew

F’ing love what I do!

Thank you for letting me do it love you guys so f’ing much! 

STOMPING FEET

So Good - like a couple weeks new don’t get too excited. 

“I love getting to play this song when he’s standing back there” LOVE TO ALEV

BAD AT LOVE - YES 

HOLD ME DOWN 

SHE DID THE SPLITS 

TALK 4 (BAND/Ring Announcer)

Most incredible musicians and people and friends 

So lucky all agreed to come on the road with me

Could’ve been doing something much cooler, I promise haha 

Usually make fun of them during this part 

Drums - next season of Bachelorette

Keys - Terrified of goldfish 

Make something up and embarass them

Too heartfelt, need you guys to be so loud for me 

DRUMS: Harry (will you guys please give it up for Harry!) 

GUITAR: Liv 

Don’t f’ing look at me I’ll cry 

KEYS Bonnie 

Halsey says she’s calling them out like a ring announcer

AND OVER HERE CHECKING IN AT 245 POUNDS HE IS TOUGH (I audibly said omGGG LITERALLY MY BRAND WITH MY WRESTLING LOVING SELF I lost it here) HE HAILS FROM IRVINE CA

YESS WHOOO

That’s my impression…this is why everyone on my team is gonna say somebody drugged me

Last show with tme as well, grateful to have support on road 

Part do 2 more songs, prepare to leave, comeback and do encore 

HALSEY CHANT 

For what? What did I do? I didn’t even do anthing

WHISPERS

GO BACK AND F HIM 

GASOLINE! FIRE (I love hearing my name in it) 

Chapter 4: Reflect

Flashing lights and rock music

Jumps up with flames and PYRO

NIGHTMARE 

Statistics for Abortion (my camera shut off for it ofc but it was PHENOMENAL) 

TALK 5 (Abortion Rights/Political)

Put in show 5 weeks before Supreme Court decision and statistics were much different then

We’re here in our little island 

Second to say as long as I have a microphone and stage if your well being livelihood and happiness at stake I will always f’ing be political 

In case you couldn’t tell, so many people in the crowd I recognize I’ve met so many times, who stories I know, parents I know, journeys through school work and life that I know, break f’ing heart if something going on in this world cause you bodily harm to get care you need and I did nothing about it

If politics aren’t your thing all good, 

Just learned a valuable lesson don’t come to a Halsey concert then.

Little bit of time

CHANT

MY BODY - Audience: MY CHOICE 

“THANK YOU!”

Music is political. Everything is political. Brave to leave house come here exactly as you are. Clothes you were. Words you sing. People you love. Things you do. Everything is f’ing political 

Running up that hill with the flame bar

WITHOUT ME 

Went into audience, guy had sign said his BF broke his heart, Halsey said “F HIM” to flip off hurtful ex

Confetti!! 

Acapella, 

“Put you up there, I don’t know why” - audience

I Am Not A Woman I’m a God 

Irvine. Thank you guys so much for an incredible night. So glad I got to close out this tour with you. This will be my last tour here for a really long time playing shows here in the states so I really love you and I really appreciate you for a great night. Did you have fun? Get home safe. I love you!

Y’aburnee playing on way out 

Shareable Review 

[mirismuffins-ovo]

Plant palace pt 7🌿

[background: the plant based girls John has age twice as fast as a human,John ran off to go raise them at an abnormal camp his mother leads. He’s been gone two years and working as part of the abnormal rebellion and rights activist.] [this is also where I’ve decided I’d rewrite some stuff in the future,but I’ll let you guys read the first part of this before I work through it again] [first part is kinda narrative]

John's heart hurt to leave the man he loved,he wanted to raise these small little babies with Eddie but things went sideways. John and Henry stopped by the house grabbing supplies and raising the babies there for a while,until they were tracked down by the government. Escaping to a hideaway,a camp where abnormals were safe and rebelled trying to fix the outrageous laws of America. As time went on the rights of Abnormals had gotten better,after riots and protests. John raises his little girls alongside his mom. She’d become an important person in his life more than ever,helping with the babies. The little ones blooming with gorgeous pink petals and hair,John letting his own flower like features grow too. John had freed and protected abnormals with his mother, learning more control over his abilities and discovering new things he never knew he could do. Abnormals had finally gained some rights in some more progressive states,no longer needing to hide in some states. The girls were (2) 4 years old now,he’d kept up with Eddie's online following and career, proud of him for taking off. John would listen to Eddie's album Greenhouse,he recognized the song Eddie sang when they first found out about the babies,it was the most popular one. John would always tell his little girls about their dad,showing them photos of him performing. He missed him and to the point it hurt. John's family could recognize that,and John discussed that he should finally go back. It was time for John to come back home.

Now Eddie.

2 years. It has been 2 years since John has left. In the beginning, he was questioned by the government but he gave half truth answers. Yes he was with John. No he didn’t know he was an Abnormal, thinking his boyfriend was able to have kids. No the kids weren’t his, John was already pregnant when they really got official. But because they weren’t giving him the answer, he was held for 6 months for harboring an Abnormal before being let go.

After that, he explained everything to his band and how this album was going to be it. He didn’t want to make music after. They supported his decision but helped him finish the album. He had songs named after the girls, after his time at Plant Palace, the short months he was with John. Be saved the best for last. The last song on the album, which he named “Greenhouse” was called “Eden.” It was an Ode to John, thinking that no one would even get to the end of the album.

But instead people found out and it reached #1 on the charts for a solid year. He was able to go to concerts which sparked his love for music again, but he couldn’t listen to the album himself. He refused to. He would play other music in his earbuds when he was in public in case Eden came on.

He ended up moving further into the city now that he made good money off his record sales and a couple of EPs. Bitty came along with him, the cat too sweet to part with and he had a feeling John would want him to watch her. The anger he first felt after discovering John ran had faded away and he accepted it. The younger man did talk about trying to find his people to help raise the girls, but Eddie wanted to do that. He wanted to be the cool dad.

Life moved on. Eddie moved on, but still held a special spot for John, if he ever got to see him again. He even picked up a new kitty who he named Leafy. Bitty was happy to get a cute little brother and it kept her occupied. Eddie was happy.

*****

Eddie yawned as he started to make his way home from another band practice. He and his band got the idea to write themselves each a song that they could relate to in the future. They might not make sense now, but they should when they’re older and split apart. It was late and all he wanted to do was hop in the shower, order some take out and pass out with the kitties on his lap.

While on his way home, he felt a tingle down his spine. Although it was night time, and he was walking alone, it was odd that someone might jump him, or it was local paparazzi following him to see if he had a special someone since his female fans were dying to know. So he stopped and waited for the heavy footsteps to stop.

“I’ll give you 5 seconds to turn around before I face you and deck you. I’m not in the mood for interviews or dealing with your shit.” He grumbled. He wasn’t the happy-go-lucky young band member anymore, he was a man with heartache.

There wasn’t a sound behind him, signaling the person to walk off or speak up. Eddie turned around, preparing for a recorder shoved into his face when his entire world stopped.

John stood there,he hadn’t heard Eddie's voice in a long time,at least when he wasn’t singing. His voice sounded tired and moody but it didn’t change how he felt when Eddie turned around. John had his hood up but he took it off when Eddie turned to face him. A shy half smile on the smaller man's face as he stood a few feet back from the singer. “Hey Eds…” John's hair was a little longer than before,not by much but it was longer;John looked pale,tired like an overworked parent but the energy about him was slightly different.He slowly approached Eddie hesitantly taking a step forward,he didn’t know what he should say. There was so much to apologize for,him running off with the babies not even a thing as a text and gone for two years. “It’s been a while...but since when did you cuss?” John tried to clear the air with teasing as he combed his fingers through his hair. His gaze flicking between staring at Eddie and at the ground attempting to hide the tears that glazed his eyes. Johns soft voice trembled the entire time.

Eddie felt like he died when he saw John.The anger he thought that went away was back. He clenched his fist and just looked at the younger man in front of him. He wanted to shout, scream, and yell, but instead he just turned around, continuing to walk to his house. He could hear the footsteps follow him as he got closer to his house only for him to stop again.

“I promised I’d be there…” He spoke, his voice getting ready to break. “But you went and broke that promise for me.” He turned to face John, tears falling, and screaming, letting his emotions loose. “You took my fucking kids! You ran from me instead of facing this together!”

John had expected something like this but it still made his insides shake. John couldn’t help but erupt with tears and watched the man in front of him go off.

“You think I wanted to leave you?...WATCH YOU FROM A DISTANCE?!?” His voice had turned into a yell,John never raised his voice.

“What do you think would’ve happened if I stayed there waiting, Eddie? The hospital called the government on me,they would’ve taken our girls! Would you rather me and the girls in a facility being experimented on?! Getting tortured?” He sighed frustrated still crying “I’ve counted the days..you don’t think I talk about you to them,do you think I haven’t listened to your album about our kids every day??”

He wiped his face shaking and turned to look away. “I get it..okay...I’m so sorry I left,but I warned you Eddie. I told you that it was dangerous and when I tried to contact you I found out you were detained for ‘harboring an abnormal’.” John took out a photo,it was a Polaroid. It showed the babies who’d begun to bloom their flowers.John was holding them in his lap,they were toddlers now and all dressed up,his mother was standing next to him holding one of the toddlers. He held it to Eddie “here..”

“I told you I would fight tooth and nail for them! I was so ready to take your place in a facility for your freedom.” Eddie was crying too.

Eddie wanted to argue more, but John silenced him by handing over the picture. It was a photo of John holding all three of the girls, and a larger woman behind them. He laughed quietly, so happy to see them and how big they had gotten.

“Why now? Why did you come back. When I saw that you left, I figured you’d be gone forever.”

John sighed staring at the cement “the governor passed a law here that abnormals living in human city’s are no longer illegal. That and...I missed you.” He glimpsed at Eddie,John's eyes looked tired. “They’d caught up to me last year and I was held in a facility for two months,my mom and Henry took care of the little ones... I broke out with the help of some other abnormals.” He crossed his arms and wiped away some more tears. John felt bad he’d not been there for Eddie. “I would’ve come back sooner if I could Eds,and I know you're mad but you have to know I didn’t leave willingly.The girls ask all the time when they can see they can see their-…you” John sighed fearing Eddie wouldn’t want to rekindle their relationship. He dreaded he wouldn’t want to see their daughters.

Eddie was surprised at all the new information, but also wasn’t. He heard about Abnormals allowed to live among humans, but there was still no law about living with them or loving them. He kind of rolled his eyes at that.

“So you’re a fugitive?”

John stayed silent.

Eddie sighed. “Look, as much as I would love to see our daughters, I can’t just easily accept you into my life again. You broke my heart and how will I know if you won’t do it again? Maybe the world was right that we, Abbies and Humans, aren’t meant to cohabitate with each other.” Eddie sniffled, taking his jacket and rubbing his eyes.

John looked like he was about to say something but Eddie held up a hand.

“Not tonight… I need time…” He turned to continue walking to his apartment.

Once inside, Bitty and Leafy greeted him with happy meows, but Bitty knew. She knew that her cat dad was near Eddie. He closed the door, set his guitar aside and leaned against the door, sliding down to the floor. He held his head in his hands and let the tears fall.

[capnjay21]

The Wind Blows White 1/6

It’s been two years since Killian Jones and Emma Swan managed to escape the clutches of Brooke House, two years of waiting for it all to catch up to them and two years of pretending the cracks in their happy ending don’t show. But when the vision appears to Killian of a young boy unearthing the dagger and the darkness they had long since buried, it’s a race against time to try and stop another innocent from befalling the same fate. If they have the strength to face it.

Sequel to ‘A House is Never Still’.

A/N: Here it is, happy (slightly early) Halloween everyone! :D Confession time, I’ve actually been kinda nervous about posting this for a little while? Fretting over whether this one won’t be as good or scary as the original - but I am officially making a concerted effort not to care about any of that, because this is how the next part of the story goes and I’m excited to tell it! I hope you guys like it <3

***Editing to include the AMAZING art done by the lovely @hollyethecurious​ - I love it so much and I’m so excited by it. And for those that don’t know, she created the art that inspired the original fic so this is EXTRA cool!

Updates will probs be every other week to allow me to stay ahead. If it’s any consolation, they’re usually over 10k words, oof! Enjoy! 

AO3

Rating: T Warnings: Mentions of canonical character death and some certified Spooky Business™.

Taglist: @carpedzem @optomisticgirl @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda @phiralovesloki @hollyethecurious @stahlop @peglegsjones @mariakov81 @seasailia @courtorderedcake​ @jonesfandomfanatic @wyntereyez @mrtinski @thisonesatellite @klynn-stormz @teamhook​ 

If anyone would like on, or off, the taglist, just let me know! 

-/-

1.  i won’t die in my sleep.

-/-

It was 2:17am.

The whispers woke her, as the whispers always did.

It took her a few dizzying moments to emerge completely from sleep, the vivid and fraught images of her restless dreaming spilling out into the darkness of the room. As usual, she could not move. Her muscles had seized, curled tightly around her stomach like a clenched fist, trembling with strain while her eyes blinked out into the dark. She could see the forest. The broad, sweeping trunks of old red oaks sprawled from the ground upward, their leaves stained crimson by blood while their bark wept tears the colour of potted ink. Only once observed did she really consider that there was so little in nature truly black, as pus the same shade as crows dribbled and oozed down the spines of every oak she could see.

Slowly, the numbness receded from her aching limbs, the reckless smears of her wakeless mind gave way to the shapes her eyes could make out, could confirm as being there, and like a prayer she whispered aloud every object she could see and smell and know was real.

“Chair,” she croaked, “desk. Lamp. Computer. Window. Gold –”

No. No gold. The basket of spun gold twine was the final little spill, tempting her to return to a nightmare it could kiss back into a dream.

She refused.

It disappeared.

The whispers had woken her, but once she rose she was alone in the dark.

Emma patted the bed beside her, and found the sheets bare and cool. He had been gone for some time already, then. Trying to suppress the growing tide of unease that always came from waking alone, she stood slowly, then stretched out her sore muscles. Sore from being clenched so tightly for what felt like hours. Usually Killian woke her before it reached this point, but clearly he hadn’t even been there for its beginning.

She sighed. Thought about calling him. The clock on her nightstand winked in and out. 2:17am.

There was no point, anyway. She knew where he’d be.

-/-

It was 2:17am.

As usual, it was raining.

Beyond the stretch of porch in front of him, sheets of water fell in a relentless assault on the sodden ground, and Killian mopped at his already sweaty brow. The air was thick and moist, even this early in the morning, the height of an unusually punishing June. He let the downpour carry on for another few moments before ducking out into it, bending to lift the wide bowl he had left sitting on the grass a couple of minutes earlier. Now filled to the brim with rainwater, he brought it back underneath the shelter of the porch and laid it down on the ground.

He'd had that dream again. He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

There was a noise from not too far away, the screech of metal on concrete in the dark and the answering leap of a car horn out into the night air, but he tried to push it from his mind. This would never work if he couldn’t clear his thoughts. Folding his legs underneath him, Killian leant forward until he could see his reflection staring back at him from the bowl.

The surface of the water was inky black, the faint caresses of a breeze brushing ripples across the surface and making his reflection appear distorted, but he tried to see beyond that. Beyond his tired eyes and the hurt and the heat, to something more. Silently, he willed the dark pool to show him something else.

Show me the boy, he asked out into the dark. Show me the boy at the creek with the dagger.

Even just the thought of the dagger, the curling blade they had sent hurling into the ravine, brought forth a rush of unwelcome and jarring memories. The dagger, floating in the middle of their circle, summoning a storm of black lightning and hurt and that nothing, that awful nothing, and Killian could feel something tugging at the centre of his chest, beckoning him forward.

He couldn’t see his reflection anymore. The surface of the water was blank.

Not like this, he thought furiously, wrestling for control.

It wasn’t interested in his control. If he wanted to go deeper, he had to let himself fall. This was the bargain.

But –

He thought of her at home, in their bed, resting fitfully.

This was the bargain.

Emma.

Killian gasped for air, which was when he realised the tightness in his chest was because he hadn’t taken a breath in a long time. He almost fell forward, and his right hand shot out to the deck of the porch to stop his face from crashing into the bowl – which was when he realised it was just a bowl of water again. His reflection stared back at him, breathing heavily, eyes wild and afraid.

If he wanted to go deeper, he had to let himself fall.

In his mind’s eye, he could see it perfectly. The sparkling summer day. The boy, knelt with his right arm in the creek before he pulled it out, and the dagger with it.

Dragging his eyes away from the bowl, he reached into his pocket for his phone. The clock on the display ticked onto 2:17am.

Still? He thought, bewildered.

“You should be used to this sort of shit by now,” he muttered, before emptying the bowl onto the grass.

-/-

It was 2:17am.

Henry only knew this because it had been 2:17am for a really long time already, but every time he checked the clock it was the same.

“Gotta be broken,” he mumbled, letting it drop back onto his nightstand. He told himself to roll over, to go back to sleep, Mom was making pancakes tomorrow and he didn’t want to be too tired to enjoy them, but something kept lingering at the edge of his awareness. Like a movement that was too quick to spot, or a sound too quiet to take shape, or that sensation after someone had taken a deep breath and they were waiting to speak, but wouldn’t utter a word until he looked at them.

Something was different, and it niggled at him like an itch he couldn’t quite scratch.

Somehow, he didn’t feel alone in his bedroom anymore.

He rolled over again, and this time his eyes instantly locked onto the shoebox he had stuffed under his dresser. He didn’t know how he knew, but he just did. Whatever he was feeling – it was coming from there, and the object he had hidden inside.

The dagger he had found at the creek.

It was… whispering to him.

Come, it hissed out into the dark. Listen.

Henry’s hand tightened on the covers. Then he gently pushed them back and sat up.

-/-

It was 2:17am.

Robert should have been home hours ago, and Belle couldn’t sleep for worry.

Her heart stuttered into hopefulness with every shadow that passed in front of the pawn shop window, but each one merely reached the other side with barely a glance back at her. She thought about calling the police, but surely they would dismiss her concerns so early into the morning. It’s normal, ma’am, they would say, and laugh about wives wondering after their wandering husbands. But this was different.

There was something about the way he had looked tonight, something wild and dangerous and careless in his eye, that had made her want to take three steps back every time he opened his mouth to speak. His tongue had lingered over softer sounds, tickled by a secret that only it knew. Like an animal, his sharp eyes had followed her around the shop as they closed, and when he kissed her it had sent a shiver down her spine.

It had frightened her. He had frightened her.

You’ll see, he had said, when she asked where he was going. You’ll see.

Belle didn’t want to see. She just wanted him to come home. Her mind railed against the truth that had already started to creep into the corner of her heart.

Tonight, he had gone to Brooke House.

And Brooke House did not want to give him back.

-/-

Liam Jones didn’t care what fucking time it was.

Aching and exhausted, he kicked open the screen door and stepped out onto the porch. The air was dank and cold, and smelled faintly of mildew, and he wrapped his coat tighter around him. Killian had needed three blankets before he could get to sleep earlier, the act of being inside the house only slightly warmer than the harsh early spring outside, but still sweat pooled at the base of Liam’s neck. His hands felt clammy with a layer of grit that he could never wipe away, and the moisture on his skin froze the moment he walked out into the night.

But under his skin, he burned with cold fury.   

He’d have to pretend to be Brennan and call the school again tomorrow, there was no way he could go in if he needed to be up for the rest of the night. He could send Killian over to Smee’s, that was one problem dealt with. The older man would take him into elementary school; but even that solution summoned the familiar rush of dread that came to Liam whenever he thought of his little brother moving into middle school next year. That would make everything so much more difficult to hide from concerned and nosy neighbours alike. 

How had he let this happen? Again? They had been making so much progress.

Liam rubbed his eyes tiredly. He should just hurry up and drop out. He was good with his hands, he could make a living doing carpentry jobs, move to some quiet town upstate maybe –

I’m just trying to prepare you for life’s big question, Liam.

What kind of man are you going to be?

A quiet town upstate? He was really setting the bar low for pipe dreams these days.

Then there was always the chance Brennan might be himself again by morning; maybe he could call the school. Could drive Killian in. Maybe he’d be up before the sun rose like he used to, whistling a sea shanty and cooking them eggs over easy.

 Now there was a pipe dream.

What time was it? A distracted pat of his jacket let him know his phone was still inside, but he wasn’t quite ready to go back in yet. It had to be late. Or early. Wednesday. The recycling went out on Wednesday. Which mean they were two days closer to Friday, which was the eighteenth. Water bill went out on the eighteenth.

Brennan hadn’t worked in weeks. They’d be short.

No heat and no water. The only things he could rely on in this house were the bricks and the mortar.

Why him? Why did it have to be him?

Liam resisted the urge to scream. At the night, at the cold, at whatever curse had captured his family and refused to let them go.

It was 2:17am.

And Liam wasn’t alone on the porch.

Once alerted to the intruder he stumbled backward, fumbling around for anything he could use as a weapon.

“Liam?”

Liam froze, his fist having clenched around the shard of a shattered flowerpot Brennan had destroyed last week.

The stranger hadn’t moved, stood silhouetted against the porch light.

He blinked. Willed his racing heart to slow.

“Who are you?”

-/-

It was 2:17am.

Except, no, it wasn’t.

Emma frowned and looked at her phone again, and the correct time stared back at her; 10:41am. How had she thought it said anything different?

She shook her head. Shit, she really needed to get more sleep. Her foot resumed tapping its restless beat on the floor of the almost empty corridor.

The entire hall was almost completely deserted, only the low murmur of conversation ricocheting against thin walls and tall ceilings, and everything was beige. Beige walls, beige floors, beige murals; she fucking hated beige, it was such a non-colour. Just pick something a bit more appealing and stick to it. But in her not-all-that-limited experience, most government buildings seemed to default to beige, and it was no different in the Seattle equivalent of the DMV. They had been led up to the customer service desk almost half an hour ago, but nobody seemed to care about how goddamn important this was, and her anxiety was climbing with every unattended second that ticked past.

Somewhere down the corridor a door opened, and Emma immediately whipped around to look at it. A broad, cheerful man offered her a bemused smile at the sudden sharp attention he was being given, before disappearing out through another door.

“You need to calm down,” Killian mused.

A glance at him confirmed his eyes were still closed, head tilted to lean back against the wall with his hands folded over his stomach, but her impatience had to have been obvious even without looking at her. She huffed in a way which she knew made her sound puerile, and the corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement. From the moment they had been seated there he had stayed silent, and it was only fuelling her irritation that she couldn’t settle on whether that was because he was bored, tired or just giving her room to complain and agitate to her heart’s content. She preferred to know exactly what Killian was thinking.

The memory of waking alone the night before still smarted, and she had to keep reminding herself that it wasn’t Killian’s job to always be at her side on the off chance she didn’t sleep through the night. Dark circles rimmed his eyes, and she knew whatever had caught his attention this time had kept him up at least an hour or so after she had summoned the courage to climb back into bed. She had still been awake when he slid back in beside her, but she had pretended to be asleep.

He had probably known she was doing it, which was why he had kissed an apology into her shoulder and held her a little tighter than usual.

It was hard to stay mad at him when he hadn’t technically done anything to make her mad – and he was already sorry about the thing he shouldn’t have to be sorry for.

Which just made her feel even worse.

“I hate beige,” she grumbled.

Killian let out a breath of warm, ticklish laughter, something that growled pleasantly in his throat. Some of her temper ebbed away. “I know,” he said. “I’ll take you somewhere pink after.”

“There’s that big hotel in Hawaii that’s totally pink, right? What do they call that?”

He opened his eyes and arched an eyebrow. “And maybe when our next skip is the Queen of England, we’ll be able to afford to go there.” Even less than thirty seconds of talking to him, properly, she could feel her mood lifting. He reached one of his hands into her lap, seeking hers, and she let him thread their fingers together. “I was actually thinking donuts. The strawberry glazed kind?”

Emma sighed happily. “Make it chocolate and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

He smiled warmly and squeezed her hand. “Whatever you want.”

His mood seemed light, but she wasn’t fooled. The way she would catch his eyes flickering carefully between her and the customer service desk in front of them told her all she really needed to know about the direction of his thoughts – they probably shared the same sinking feeling that had washed over her since they had arrived.

That this almost definitely wasn’t going to go her way.

“Ms. Swan?”

Immediately Emma was on her feet, bolting over to the desk as quickly as polite company would allow, Killian close behind, all traces of mirth evaporated from his expression. The man who had come to meet them wasn’t the same one who had led them up to the desk earlier, and a quick glance at his nametag told Emma they were speaking to a Mr. Heller. He resembled every bureaucrat that had ever taken residence in her imagination, thin in a sickly way and sort-of feeble-looking, but with a snide tug at the corner of his mouth which suggested he was not going to tell her what she wanted to hear, and he was enjoying the prospect immensely.

The sick feeling in her gut deepened.

“Thank you for waiting,” he said, in a bored tone, skimming the file he was holding. Emma tried to lift herself a little taller to take a look at it, but it was angled slightly away from her. “We were able to track down the license plate you requested in your application, but it was recalled eleven years ago. The vehicle it was registered to is no longer in use.”

It was easy to push back the first wave of disappointment – a setback, but not the most important thing. “But you know who it belonged to?”

Heller sighed heavily, and let the folder close. “I’m afraid the Washington State Licensing Department has denied your public records request regarding the owners of the plate.”

It was like a punch to the stomach. She could feel the warmth of Killian’s palm splayed against the small of her back, gently reassuring.

This couldn’t be it. This couldn’t be another dead end.

“On what grounds?” he was asking, and she felt a rush of gratitude for him as she hadn’t quite been able to form her mouth around the words.

“Not enough evidence,” Heller continued, in that same flat tone that was beginning to grate. “We reviewed the article you sent, about the circumstances of the abandoned child at the edge of the road. There isn’t a lot of information available regarding the incident, even at the county level.”

“Well, it happened,” Emma replied hotly. “It’s me. I was the kid.”

Another banner year, right?

What?

We’ve all got ghosts here.

Heller quirked an eyebrow. “Then the department offers their sympathies. But there is no reason to suggest the plate you requested belonged to the vehicle involved.” He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Maine is a long way from Seattle.”

But she had seen it.

She had experienced the moment that changed the course of her life hundreds, thousands of times at the behest of a malevolent demon, while to the rest of the world she had been missing for five years. Even before that, the very fact of her being abandoned on the side of the road as a baby had cast its shadow over her entire life. Achieving any measure of answers about it had been unobtainable. She had made her peace with that a long time ago.

But then she became trapped in Brooke House.

And Brooke House had given her a few more pieces of the puzzle.

It felt like a dream, now. Like the scatter of smoke, or déjà vu. Something she couldn’t really be sure had happened. She had spent five years of her life suspended in a place that showed only her regrets, her fears, her desperate desires; anything that would make her pray for deliverance. In the two years she had spent free of it all, her ability to conjure up and consult those visions waxed and waned. The images it had shown her sometimes dribbled back like the trickle of a raindrop down glass to her waiting, thirsty mouth, but nothing was ever enough. While that feeling, that sensation of being left again, and again, and again remained seared onto her mind forever, the actual, physical details of the day her parents abandoned her were scarce. The vision was difficult to bring into focus.

Two months ago, a nightmare had caught her so tightly that Killian hadn’t been able to wake her for six minutes. Just when he had been reaching for his phone in a panic to dial 911, she had burst free; gasping, aching – awake and alive. The details had been so vivid. Before her eyes, her parents abandoned her at the side of the freeway; only this time she had spotted and could recall the plate of the car that had left her.

They had packed everything they owned into Killian’s Chevelle and made for Seattle in a matter of days.

This couldn’t be the end of the road. Not after everything she had been through to get here. She deserved answers, damn it.

“That’s the thing about cars,” Emma replied coolly, “they drive. And if you’re abandoning a kid, you’re not likely to do it on your own doorstep, are you?”

Heller looked bored. “You’re welcome to make an appeal against the department’s decision, so long as you do so within four to six weeks.”

“But I saw – we have a witness!”

“A witness?” His tone was disbelieving, and he fixed her with a hard stare. “Why didn’t you say so before?” Emma opened her mouth, but Killian pinched the side of her waist sharply and she hesitated. When she didn’t immediately confirm her declaration, Heller’s eyebrows rose victoriously. “Would they be prepared to come down here and make a statement?”

“We can ask,” Killian replied smoothly, before she could say anything. He whipped a notepad and a pen from his pocket. “Is it the same address we submit the appeal to, or –?”

Emma fumed quietly at his side. She knew why he had cut her off, before she could dig herself into a hole that would ensure state officials labelled her as halfway to crazy town, but it was infuriating. She couldn’t very well say their witness was her and the visions a haunted house halfway across the country had given her – a house which they had no physical evidence even existed, as it had since disappeared.

Silently, she smouldered.

Killian reached absently for her hand. She tugged it out of his grip.

Heller and Killian confirmed the logistics of an appeal process, but before long they were being thanked dully for their time and invited to leave. Emma stayed quiet for their entire walk out of the building, and she could sense Killian intentionally kept some space between them to allow her to adequately process what had happened in there.

Nothing. Nothing was what had happened in there.

Emma could feel the tide of something tight at the top of her stomach, like her insides were cramping. It was how she felt when she woke, uncertain, in the middle of the night.

“We’ll find another way, Emma,” Killian spoke gently as they stepped out into the morning sunlight.

Emma waved a dismissive hand and tried to focus her gaze on the particulars of the street. The chequered red, blue and silver line of cars parked along the sidewalk, the scent of wet asphalt and the hum of traffic whizzing by. They were far from a forest here – but she could feel the quiet whisper of the trees against her skin.

“I know, I know, I just –” She curled her toes in her boots, felt the stiff concrete beneath her feet. “I’m – tired of hitting brick walls.”

“We’ve got a little cash in the bank,” Killian pointed out, “maybe for the appeal we could hire a solicitor, just see if there’s anything else we can do to help our case.”

He was frowning at the note he had scribbled down during their conversation with Heller, his mind already four or five steps further ahead, and Emma felt a rush of affection for him. For his solidness and his patience. His tenacity was well documented, he had spent five years searching for answers about Brooke House and had never once given up on the idea that he would find them, and her along with them – even now he refused to let any speedbumps hamper their progress. It was so easy for her to get struck down by the first sign of resistance, but Killian persisted in a way she could only ever hope of emulating.

Nothing in the street felt tangible beside the resilience and vibrance of Killian Jones. Sometimes it felt like he was the only real thing she had found outside of Brooke House.

Like dust, the cars and the concrete and the chorus of the Seattle summer drifted away.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly, praying for an anchor.

“How are you always so optimistic?”

“Because I know what you’re capable of,” he replied easily, although it felt like he was speaking to her from a great distance. Emma fought to inhabit this moment. “And I’ve yet to see you fail.”

Killian was smiling, which had always done its best to keep monsters at bay.

In a blur the noises returned, like a radio slowly tuning into focus.

“Emma?” he queried softly, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Are you still with me?”

The wet splatters of rain against the yearning canopy receded as it stretched for the sky.

Down the street a car horn blared, and she let it shake her firmly back into the present.

In Seattle, the sun was shining, and Killian was here. Standing so close to his warmth made her feel like a thief, but she couldn’t stop herself from reaching for him.

“Donuts,” she managed, nodding firmly. “I need a whole lot of donuts.”

He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “You read my mind.”

-/-

Killian railed against the idea of calling Elsa’s home a house.

It was a huge, sprawling behemoth of a structure, with vast corridors that led nowhere and innumerable superfluous rooms that all looked identical, with walls scaled by books and furniture shrouded in neat, ivory sheeting to protect them from dust and age. More than once he had found himself completely and utterly lost while attempting to find the bathroom, which he was convinced changed locations every time he visited it, and that wasn’t even mentioning the size of the grounds which circled the outside of the house.

Embedded deep within the winding roads of West Bellevue, he was grateful for the opportunity to interact with something a little less urban than the busy street he and Emma had rented their flat on, and Elsa had opened up her home to all assortments of waifs and strays long before he had ever come on the scene. Truthfully, it was sheer coincidence that they had even met, crossing paths in downtown Seattle late one night – but then, he didn’t believe in coincidences anymore. He had been searching for something more, and she had been offering something for him to find. The rest was inevitable.

Clear night, isn’t it?

The room in which he spent the most time was the large dining room – the long table that would ordinarily occupy its centre was, as ever, pushed to the side against one wall and loaded with edible treats already half depleted, clearing the way for Elsa’s guests to arrange themselves on the floor in any number of styles depending on what the evening requested of them. The windows always remained open, so the room was immersed in the earthy scent of the outside, of wet moss and woodsmoke and pine, and the rain from the night before somehow made everything so much more pervasive.

Aurora stood in the centre of the room with her eyes closed, her hands held palm up with a pinecone resting atop them, while the rest of Elsa’s guests sat spread out across the room with their palms turned to the ceiling, mimicking the same position.

Killian sat at the edge of the room, notebook resting open in his lap, and observed.

Elsa stood, made her way over to Aurora, and placed her hands over the other woman’s.

“Child of earth, wind, fire and sea,” she spoke clearly out into the silent room. “We welcome you into our lives, into our homes, and into the waiting embrace of this powerful, caring woman. Think fondly on her, and choose her, as we have, to be part of your family.”

As Aurora opened her eyes, Anna stepped forward holding a candle in one hand and a ceramic bowl scattered with herbs in the other.

“Light it,” Elsa encouraged her, and Aurora held the pinecone over the candle until it caught.

The flame grew rapidly, Killian remembered reading somewhere that it had to do with the natural resins so near to the surface in pinecones, and soon Aurora dropped it into the bowl. Once there, the contents of the bowl started to gently smoulder and the scent of sweetgrass and sage began to float out into the air.

Killian took a deep breath. Let it wash over him for a few quiet, tender moments.

He wasn’t sure why, but he always felt closest to Liam here.

Aurora was smiling, and Elsa grinned back.

“Blessed be,” she said warmly. “And good luck!”

The group echoed a fractured but delighted blessed be, in response, before breaking out into a smattering of claps and spirited cheers. A few jumped to their feet to envelope Aurora in a loving, haphazard embrace.

No, house didn’t really cover the breadth of what Elsa’s home had become to this community, or the reality of what Killian had found there.  

This was a covenstead.

It wasn’t the first coven Killian had ever encountered – his first had been in Pennsylvania a number of years ago, but they had been intensely private and suspicious of strangers, and their association had not extended more than a few weeks. Long before now it had become his habit to deliberately seek out suggestions of the world that existed beyond what they could see. It had started because of Brooke House, because of the mistakes they had made when they were seventeen and naïve and frightened; after Emma had disappeared, Killian had searched for answers anywhere he could. He had five years to cross the globe, to pursue every lead and overturn every stone that might hint at something more, with varying levels of success.

Now, Killian had spent so long searching that he wasn’t sure he remembered how to be anything else. Getting Emma back, rather than being the end of his fascination with the otherworldly, had only fuelled it. There were still so many questions he didn’t have answers to, with Liam being chief among them. His brother had been involved in all this, had known about this barely perceivable double life that some among them were living, but Killian still had no idea about the how, or the why.

Emma was his life now. Everything he had ever wanted. For so long, his sole focus had been in making this world as right for her as possible, in giving her the tools with which she could build her new reality and hoping desperately that she still wanted him in it; while privately wrestling with that disquieting sensation that accompanied stepping away from the bizarre and the unexplained for the first time in a long while.

It was difficult, he had realised, to come to terms with the fact that everything you wanted wouldn’t stay everything you needed for the rest of your life.

And Killian needed something.

On their third night in Seattle, he had met Elsa. The very same night he had first had the dream about the boy and the creek and the dagger.

He didn’t believe in coincidences anymore.

Soon after Elsa wrapped up the ceremony, the group began to disperse, some aiming for a few treats to take for the road while others went to collect coats and bags from the hall. For his part, Killian took more care than necessary slipping his notebook back into his already overpacked bag and began shrugging on his jacket. The ending of these meetings always left him feeling oddly bereft, like although every week he walked in with no idea what he would find, somehow his expectations were never met. Or perhaps it was the realisation that always came when he watched the members of the coven at its conclusion, mingling and trading smiles and stories about the week that had just passed.

He wasn’t one of them. They were all kind enough, and they liked him, but he wasn’t part of them. They wondered why he was there as much as he did.

Watching them, his heart throbbed for the one place that had always been home; for that warm, golden light, for Regina’s lasagne and David’s terrible jokes and Mary Margaret’s helpful reminders to enjoy happily ever after. His chest hurt for the wanting of it.

The clerk at the DMV the day before had been right: Maine was a long way from Seattle.

He turned to leave.

“Killian, hi there.” It was Elsa, calling him back, and he fixed on a cheerful smile as he pivoted on the spot to face her. “I hope today wasn’t too women-centric for you.”

Aurora was trying for a baby with her husband; as a result, they had focused the evening on fertility. The lighting of the pinecone was a ritual from Elsa’s book of shadows, and had followed a relaxing evening spent sharing poetry and prayers and best wishes about family.

(At the very least, that probably explained why he was feeling so homesick.)

“Not at all,” he assured her, not least because he didn’t feel fertility was an exclusively female pursuit. There were plenty of men there tonight. “It’s a pleasure to observe. Thank you again for inviting me into your home.”

“Anyone is welcome here, there’s no need to thank me.”

He was reminded, again, of how different Elsa’s coven were to the one in Pennsylvania; Elsa made a point of opening up the covenstead to anyone at any time, not just during their meetings. It was Elsa’s home, but it was also effectively a refuge or meeting place for any of its members whenever they needed it. The grounds in particular were always accessible, and something Killian himself had taken advantage of more than once.

Especially when he wanted to – well. Dip his toe into something Emma would never approve of. The covenstead felt like a safer place to explore those private desires.

If he wanted to go deeper, he had to let himself fall.

“You know,” Elsa was saying “if you would like to participate rather than just observe, we’d be happy to invite you to join us.”

For a moment he could see it; himself, sat on cushions with the rest of the group, palms up and eyes closed and waiting for wonders to begin again.

The image immediately fell apart as visions began to swim of a pentagram penned in black marker, scattered salt and a dagger rising above the swell of a storm.

This was the bargain.

“Oh,” Killian let out uneasily, trying to find the best way to refuse without sounding impolite. “No, that’s alright. Really.” Elsa looked a little disappointed, and he hurried to reassure her. “I’ve… had some experience with the miraculous. It didn’t exactly go well.”

Killian – Killian, don’t –!

A wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm him.

“I wouldn’t say what we do here is miraculous,” Elsa replied, but he could see she was quietly pleased by the comparison. Awkwardness settled like dust between them, neither considering the conversation finished, but before they could continue a few people cut between them on their way out of the dining room and into the hall. They called out their goodbyes to Elsa as they passed, and she returned them warmly. Killian lingered until they were finished, fiddling with the strap on his bag.

Once they were gone, she took a step towards him.

“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

Killian shrugged. “By all means.”

“Why is it that you come to our meetings?” she clasped her hands in front of her, in a gesture Killian couldn’t help but interpret as deliberately nonthreatening. “And if you say Anna’s fruit loaf I might believe you, but I don’t really think that’s what it is.”

The question felt like it should be impolite, loaded with a query that went beyond their unspoken arrangement; that he could come, and he could watch, and she, like the rest of the group, would leave him be – but he was uninjured by her curiosity. Curiosity was, after all, what had brought him there.

So he surprised himself by being honest.

“For… proof, I guess?” he lifted his shoulders in an uncertain shrug. “That the world is still – strange?” The way Elsa watched him, almost waiting for him to continue, made that answer feel inadequate. He cleared his throat and searched for more to offer. “I actually lost my brother, a long time ago, now – and I still don’t fully understand why. And my partner, she…”

So good of you to finally come and see me.

“She went through something I can’t even begin to comprehend. But she doesn’t like to talk about it.”

Elsa nodded slowly. “Sometimes what we don’t say speaks more for what troubles us.”

“Yeah,” Killian agreed, feeling oddly liberated by the opportunity to confide in someone. All he could think of was Emma in the dead of night, clenched tightly in their bed, her arms and knees curled against her chest as she fought darkness only she could see. “Yeah, it does.”

“Perhaps she’d like to come along to a meeting?” Elsa suggested. “There’s no obligation to partake. She could observe, as you do.”

“Oh, no. No. She hates all this stuff.”

Emma had already made clear her opinion on the covenstead in Bellevue, she was not interested; and he felt compelled to apologise on her behalf, seeing as they were all perfectly good people who had done nothing to offend her.

“It’s just — that something, I mentioned,” he offered. “Thank you, though. I appreciate it.”

“Well,” Elsa spread her hands. It was neither here nor there to her, he was sure. She couldn’t offer help to someone who didn’t want to receive it. “Have a good week, Killian. Will we be seeing you at our Litha celebration?”

Litha, Killian had learnt, was the wicca celebration of Midsummer, which took place on the summer solstice at the end of June. It traditionally heralded the beginning of summer, with its focus on fertility and the championing of light over darkness manifesting in the longest day of the year. The coven had planned an evening full of festivities including a large bonfire, an almost drastic amount of food and a lot of promised general merriment. Elsa had said last year two among their number had decided to spontaneously marry during the festival; in their eyes, the perfect way to celebrate new life and regeneration.

It sounded like a lot of fun. In the bleak, uninspiring, greyscape that Seattle had become to him in the last two months, it was a breath of life and the outdoors that he would be grateful for.

But he wasn’t really sure if he should. Especially with – well. With Emma.

“Sure,” he said, just to be polite. “If I can get away. That would be nice.”

He meant it. Elsa smiled understandingly, as if she knew he had no clear intention of attending but would let him maintain the charade for the sake of pleasant company – she was kind, and she didn’t really know him, but she had still invited him into her home without a single caveat. The coven respected her. Killian would like nothing more than to introduce her to Emma; he was sure whatever she refused to talk to him about she could bring before the other woman without fear of shame or regret, or whatever else she must think would come from Killian that prevented her from being honest.

Not that he was being entirely honest with her, either; she knew he came to the covenstead more often than their weekly meetings, but she didn’t know what he had been trying to do there. She couldn’t know. It was better she focused on the future, on the path ahead, on the fact that she was free, now, from the nightmare behind them.

It was lonely, he had come to realise, being the only one with unfinished business.

Clear night, isn’t it?

“Elsa, wait,” he said, before he could think better of it. A jolt of nervous energy ran through him, his feet squaring imperceptibly on the laminate floor beneath him as if they were ready to run, but he forced himself to stay where he was. “Actually, I’ve… for the last few weeks, I’ve been trying to scry.”

Elsa’s eyebrows shot upwards.

He could understand her surprise, given he had shown no interest in participating in any of the wicca crafts since he had started coming to the Bellevue covenstead. Scrying was something he had only really read about, but never seen performed; it was the practice of, at its core, looking into a suitable medium in the hope of detecting significant messages of visions. While the most notorious method of which remained fortunes told over crystal balls, the history of the craft extended far beyond recent iterations of neopaganism. Cultures as far back as ancient Egyptians and Babylonians had practiced scrying by gazing into stone dishes filled with palm oil.

Killian had never really bought into it – but its existence as a medium through which he might gain some insight had been too tempting not to at least attempt, and the results were, well. Inconclusive.  

He stumbled over himself to continue. “I usually try at night, and mostly with rainwater, as I’ve heard that’s more potent? But I’ve also tried with tap water, and mirrors, too. But I’m finding it difficult to find direction.” He shrugged helplessly; his mouth felt bone dry. “It’s like staring out into silt.”

“Scrying is a challenging craft,” Elsa confirmed. “What is it you’re trying to see?”

He hesitated. Not just because he was reluctant to confirm the details for fear of sounding – well. Halfway to crazy town, as Emma would put it, but it was also this: he didn’t want Elsa to be part of it. Any of it. If he could protect one more person from the demons in his past, he would prefer to do so.

“I’ve… been having this dream,” he answered carefully. “A nightmare, really. It makes me worry someone might be in trouble because of something I didn’t finish.”

Come. Listen.

The quiet truth knocked gently. They had been naïve to assume it was over.

Elsa hummed thoughtfully. “Often, dreams are just manifestations of our anxieties –”

“This is different,” he said firmly. “I can feel it.”

Killian didn’t sleep the way Emma slept, treading that breathless line between the waking world and the rest, fumbling in those in-between spaces, sometimes needing help discerning where the truest threads of herself should lie. They had developed a number of strategies for her, routines to perform while waking to know she was no longer asleep; listing the objects she could see and smell and taste as chief among them. Anything to help her cling to the world above and pull her out.

Killian did not sleep that way. The delineation for him was clear.

Which was how he knew this was more than just a nightmare.

Elsa seemed to take his confidence at his word, and instead turned her attention back to the wider room.

“Tink, would you come over here?”

Tink was not her name, but nobody ever called her anything else, so Tink was what Killian had come to know her by. Her features were sharp, her wit just as cutting, and she had made a point of behaving as indifferently to him as possible in a way he found both frustrating and a little refreshing – somebody else acting like he didn’t belong there helped remind him he was separate, he was apart from all this. Currently, she stood looking exceptionally guilty by the dining table, three small cupcakes placed precariously on top of each other and clearly about to be tucked away in some tupperware for her return journey. Killian didn’t blame her. The lemon cakes were always especially divine.

“Tink is our resident expert on divining arts,” Elsa informed him after spotting his rather put out expression. In a few moments, Tink had joined them. “Killian has been trying to scry but hasn’t had a lot of luck.”

Tink wrinkled her nose. “Nasty business, scrying. Wouldn’t bother.”

“I’ve been having this dream I’m trying to –”

“Oh, boy. It’s amateur hour. Trouble with dreams, go see an oneiromancer. Or a therapist.”

Killian bit back a retort; he was somewhat regretting the decision to come clean already.

“Killian believes this is more than a dream,” Elsa spoke quietly, but firmly, “and it’s not our business to interpret another’s instincts. We were hoping you could provide some insight.”

When Tink turned her shrewd eyes onto him, he merely lifted a shoulder in a helpless gesture. “You said it,” he pointed at himself, “amateur hour.”

Tink looked immensely reluctant, but as her gaze flickered between Elsa’s imploring request and Killian’s discomfort, she finally heaved a defeated sigh.

“Agh, shit.”

She took a bite out of a lemon cake.

Through chews, she carried on.

“Catch me up. What’ve you tried so far?”

-/-

The quiet blip of a notification turned Emma’s attention away from the window and back to her laptop. She smirked triumphantly – finally some good news.

“There you are,” she muttered, “sneaky bastard.”

She and Killian had been tracking down the same skip for a few days – so far none of their usual tactics could draw him out, but his credit card had just been used at a convenience store around the corner from his previous place of employment. The first time she had gone to that office she’d had a feeling everybody was behaving just a little shady. Now she knew she was right to be suspicious and resolved to pay them another visit in the morning, provided Killian was alright with it.

Well, she corrected, only if she decided to give Killian a say. Emma’s gaze skimmed the empty flat. If he wanted to spend the night messing around with delusional, self-proclaimed witches, then she got to make the work decisions by herself.

She gritted her teeth at the thought of the house in Bellevue Killian liked to retreat to these days; why couldn’t he have joined a local rec team or found some obnoxious new drinking buddies like a normal guy? The group at Bellevue were all just a bunch of tree-huggers, even worse than Regina. Emma knew what real magic was. And it wasn’t dancing around a field wearing flower crowns or mumbling limericks over a cauldron.

Emma quickly jotted down the address and the details regarding the skip’s purchase. It usually helped to be able to throw everything in her arsenal at getting past the front desk of any office. Bail bonds was a career she and Killian had fallen into almost accidentally – it suited the nomadic lifestyle they preferred, and blended Emma’s instincts for catching someone in a lie and Killian’s propensity towards investigation quite well. It just worked. And they needed some way to get food on the table.

David had offered them work at the veterinary shelter more times than she could count, but she was sure that had a lot more to do with wanting them to stay back home in Storybrooke than anything else. But Storybrooke couldn’t be for them what it was to him and Mary Margaret, and Regina; not anymore. There were too many splintered memories. Not to mention half the town still thought Killian had kidnapped her and kept her in a cave somewhere for five years. The lines had to be carefully drawn.

The notes for their appeal were sat in a haphazard clump behind the laptop, and the stack looked exactly how Emma felt about it; worn, sad, and a little flustered. It had only been a few days, but something about the disappointment at the DMV left her feeling wrecked and restless all it once. It didn’t feel over, but whenever she thought about burying herself back in the endless bureaucratic process all she wanted to do was hit the pavement and not stop running until she fell off the corner of the map. She wanted to be outside. Balmy air drifted in through the open window, coloured by the frustrated yelps and the gentle roar of cars in the busy evening.

She paused, listening for the familiar growl of Killian’s Chevelle. Nothing.

With a jolt, she realised her pen was still in her hand and had been working idly against the paper. She peered over at the notepad, hoping she hadn’t doodled over her notes about the credit card – and nearly knocked over the laptop as she jerked backwards.

Scribbled over every inch of the page, completely obscuring anything underneath it, she had written her name. Over and over.

In a twisted, medieval cursive she had only ever seen in one other place.

Emma Swan Emma Swan Emma Swan Emma

The dagger swam into focus, and Emma resisted the urge to retch, clutching tightly at the desk in front of her with her left hand. Her right lay motionless across its surface, a foreign object to her now, a traitor which had scrawled out the pall that nestled around her shoulders and given it physical form. It was disquieting enough to see it there, a restless dream broken out, but only more disturbing to not remember having put it there.

She stood abruptly. Tore the page free, scrunched it up with that now untrustworthy hand, and dropped it down onto the floor.

Leaving the laptop open, she stalked out of the bedroom and across the hall to their tiny kitchen, determined to regain some control over the course of the evening, constantly clenching and unclenching her hand into a fist at her side. The kitchen was little more than two counters facing each other atop a strip of gaudy orange tiles with barely enough space for one person to pass by another, but they managed. They had never needed a lot of space, and their budget hadn’t been able to stretch particularly far. If they hadn’t needed a permanent address in order to submit the public records request, she probably would have made a case for sleeping in the Chevelle somewhere once they made it to the city.

Still, Killian had pointed out there was something nice about having a home base that wasn’t just the backseat of a car, and his suggestive glances at the bed when the realtor had taken them round had not gone unnoticed. Or unappreciated.

It was just – right then, especially without him in it, she didn’t want it. The lack of furniture, of personal affects, the rumpled sheets and the cracked plaster walls made it a gaping hole of something desolate and harsh. The jaws of something wanting in the shape of four walls and a door with a barely functional lock. She longed for the Chevelle and the torn leather seats, for something wild and alive.

At night Seattle burnt, and Emma yearned for home.

Not to mention it rained all the fucking time.

The door to the flat opened and closed, and Emma called out a greeting as she poured herself a glass of water. Killian didn’t reply. Assuming he had his headphones on, Emma allowed herself a few moments to breathe. She’d tell him about the credit card alert, let him know she was going by the skip’s office again in the morning and he could come along if he wanted, but she probably wouldn’t need the backup. Cornering a skip somewhere surrounded by friends and colleagues usually made them more amenable to coming quietly. Then she would ask as politely as she could manage about his evening and try not look too sour if he used the word covenstead again, instead of big fucking house.

Emma emerged from the kitchen, but he wasn’t setting his bag down in the sitting room like she was expecting him to be. Frowning, Emma re-entered the bedroom, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Her right hand twitched.

It felt numb, like she had been holding it in cold water for a few minutes. She could barely feel her other hand when she brushed her palms together, just the whisper of a touch instead of skin.

Her phone buzzed with an incoming text from Killian.

Leaving now – should be 30mins. Stopping for snacks. Want anything?

Behind her, the door into the kitchen creaked, and the tap started to run.

Her mind rang with the dull truth slowly, like a bell tolling at dusk.

Someone had turned the tap on.

Killian wasn’t home.

Someone had turned the tap on.

Killian wasn’t home.

Her heart stuttered against her ribcage.

Immediately searching for anything she could use as a weapon, Emma darted back over to her desk to reach for one of the hardback file folders they used for work, but as she leant across to reach for it she froze.

Her laptop had been closed, and on top of it placed a clumsily straightened, crumpled bit of paper.

Her mouth went dry at its familiar script.

Emma Swan Emma Swan Emma Swan Emma Swan Emma

Still through the doorway came the splurge from the rapidly filling kitchen sink, and Emma began to panic. She couldn’t go out there. Not now. Not now she couldn’t know, couldn’t be sure if there was anyone there to find or if she had unknowingly slipped back into sleep and this was just another spill. Her feet were frozen, dug in like anxious roots into earth, while her attention remained fixed on the hallway for every single sound or breath of movement.  

As quietly as she could, Emma closed the door to the bedroom. For good measure, she grabbed the desk chair and hooked it under the handle so it couldn’t turn, the noise masked by the water as it began to sluice over the side of the sink and splatter onto the floor of the kitchen.

Then she waited.

Was she dreaming?

It didn’t feel like a dream – but then, they never did. Her pulse raced, her skin felt cold even though her senses were telling her the flat was warm, hot, but she daren’t start mumbling aloud the objects she could discern as being real just in case it heard her. It. Already something had taken shape in her mind.

It liked to stop by, every now and then, just so she didn’t forget.

It wasn’t long before the noises grew louder. With the steady stream of water came the slap of footsteps through the puddle, of the flat soles of smart shoes pacing restlessly back and forth across her kitchen, the smack of cupboards being flung open and slammed shut again.

Not here, she thought, desperately, not when I’m alone.

Then Killian called her.

The sudden loud buzzing surprised her, and the phone slipped out of her grasp and onto the carpet below. Dropping to her knees and scrambling to reject the call, she split her attention between her frantic efforts and the blocked door, hoping against hope that it hadn’t heard, that it wouldn’t –

The door handle squeaked, stopping short when it was met with resistance from the chair.

When she was seven, there had been a month or so she had avoided being alone in her bedroom as often as possible. Not, she had insisted to Archie, because she was scared, but of course, really she had been terrified. It was a new room, colder, bigger, and the first one she hadn’t shared for as long as she could remember. For so long, all she could imagine was that one day the door would lock with her inside it, and nobody would ever come back for her or care at all that she was alone in there.

After weeks of creative avoidance strategies, Archie had finally wheedled the truth out of her, and had removed the lock the very next day. Then they had spent time drawing maps of the group home together, doodling creative means for her escape from that room until she was convinced that even if the door locked, it would be pretty easy to build a hang glider out of a kite and make a break for it through the window.

Nobody can control this door except you, Emma.

Only these days, she had built the lock herself. She checked a hundred times a day that it was still secure. She buried herself behind it and when the cracks had started to form, she had piled up bricks instead.

The handle creaked again.

A desperate, fearful sound ripped itself from somewhere deep inside her chest and she stumbled backwards, reaching for anything, wanting the maps, the exit strategies, everything she had burnt the day she decided it was more important to keep things out than avoid leaving herself trapped in.

The door to the bedroom rattled against its hinges.

Thump. Again. Thump.

Her fumbling hands fell on the door to the closet, and she hauled it open and ducked inside before she could think twice. She was breathing hard, her chest ached with the force of it. It smelt of black leather and mildew inside, and once she pushed through coats and her back hit the wall, she slid down onto the floor.

Once inside, the noises stopped.

Just, stopped. Like she had stepped out of an airlock, and all she could hear now was the hard, accelerated huff of her own breathing.  

Was it still out there?

Like she was seven again, she pulled her knees up to her chest. She told herself it was just like when she and Killian used to play sardines with the other kids at the group home; exploring dark, gaping crevices until they could melt into its very walls. She had been older, then. Escape was all rationalisation, she didn’t need the maps. Keeping herself hidden meant just shutting her eyes and forcing it all out of her mind until she made herself unreachable.

As long as she couldn’t be seen, she couldn’t be caught.

Something in her twinged, something that ached for wide, open streets and a crumbling clocktower, for long conversations over steaming coffee and the vermillion kiss of the New England fall. Seattle was just unrelenting, torrid heat. Noise and noise and noise and more ceaseless, callous noise. And Killian’s coats smelt like midsummer rain and spluttering exhaust fumes in heavy traffic.  

She couldn’t remember calling David, but she was glad when he answered.

“My new assistant is pteronophobic,” he sighed heavily, by way of greeting.

The words sounded like nonsense to her, but she couldn’t discern if that was because they were, or because she didn’t feel like she could trust her senses anymore.

“Terr— what?”

“Pteronophobic. She’s pteronophobic.”

Emma pressed herself as far back into the wall as she could go, curling tightly away from the door.  

She tried to focus on the call. “So… she’s a dinosaur?”

David snorted. “It’s a phobia of being tickled by feathers. Isn’t that ridiculous?” He clicked his tongue. “Actually, what’s ridiculous is that she knew this about herself, yet she applied for a job at a veterinary shelter.”

“Is this your way of telling me you’re the idiot that hired an assistant who’s scared of birds?”

“Feathers. And their proclivity for tickling.” She could hear him smiling down the phone, and already the pressure in her chest began to lessen. “Anyway, what’s up?”

Emma bit her lip. “Nothing, I just…” With a start, she realised the time and was amazed he had picked up at all. “Isn’t it nearly midnight over there?”

“You don’t call enough,” he reproached, but she could hear the tease in his voice. “This is like positive reinforcement.”

“How’s Ruth?”

There was a pause, a barely audible sigh. Gently, he repeated: “You don’t call enough.”

She could feel herself becoming more aware of herself, of her limbs tangled tightly at the bottom of the closet, of her hair sticking to the back of her neck, in a way that let her know that if she had drifted, she was returning now. It was nearly over.

“She misses you,” David added, “that’s all. So do we.”

“Me too,” Emma frowned, trying to remember the last time she had called anybody from Storybrooke. She had called after they got to Seattle, hadn’t she? How – how long ago was that? “Sorry.”

David made a dismissive noise, and as he always did, he forgave her.

“Everything good with Killian?”

Something in her chest squeezed as she remembered the call she had rejected.

“It’s fine,” she said, and tried to sound convincing, “I’m fine.” He didn’t have to know she was talking to him from the floor of a closet. “I just… wanted to hear your voice.”

For a little while, David said nothing. It was nice to just hear him breathe.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Emma smiled weakly, even though she knew he couldn’t see it. “Yeah.”

“Y’know, if it’s just that you’re afraid you’ll miss Seattle, I could set up the hose at the end of Mom’s porch and you’re welcome to stand under it whenever.”

“Wow, how generous,” she snorted. “It’s really more of a near constant moistness than always rain, though.”

“Or we could buy you a Subaru? You could sit in it and vape a Starbucks, or whatever it is you do there.”

“I honestly don’t know what to say to that.”

For a few moments they just laughed, until they petered back out into quiet. Emma thought about Killian returning home soon, and the fact that she really didn’t want him to find her in the closet.

“Listen, um… I have to go. I’ll call more,” she promised.

David hummed on the other end of the line. “I hope you do.”

She felt calmer now as she disconnected the call, her heartbeat still clear in her ears but a steady pound, almost reassuring, not racing away without her. With fresher eyes, she nudged open the door to the closet and edged her way out slowly. The bedroom door was still closed, the desk chair propped up against it, but the only sound she could hear was the humming of her laptop on standby and the noise drifting up from the street through the open window.

Carefully, she removed the chair and shut the window. Then she sunk down into bed, into the quiet, and buried herself beneath the covers. She felt like she had run a marathon, her muscles ached in the aftermath of pumped adrenaline, and all her body wanted to do was rest.

She didn’t realise until Killian got home, but she had forgotten about the flooded kitchen. She heard him pause in the hallway, then the patter of his boots on the sodden tiles. Once realisation struck, her entire body burned when she wondered what he must be thinking, thinking of her, her skin hot with humiliation. But he didn’t comment on it, at least not that she could hear. Instead she heard him pulling out the mop and bucket and cleaning it up.

She wanted to join him, she just couldn’t muster the willpower.

A passing thought occurred to her then, the meekest of suggestions, now that rational thought had crept back in.

Had she just left the tap on?

After a few minutes she heard Killian enter the bedroom, but he didn’t switch on the light. Instead he slid into bed beside her, still clothed, and curled himself around her as tightly as he could manage. Something in her relaxed, as it always did, a muscle coming unclenched as she sank into the safety of his arms.

This, she knew. This was always real.

He kissed her shoulder, and he didn’t say a single word.

She loved him for it, and she hated him a little for it, too. 

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 42

~*~Sebastian~*~

 Today has not been ideal.

Sure, my day started well enough. Emma laid out on the bar while I went down her was a very good way to begin. The sexy texts during her planning period was fun. Ed didn't threaten to kill me while we were texting. I got a text from Chace letting me know he'd be in town the week Emma was in Georgia. And I’m pretty confident talking to Emma tonight will be good. However, since the rest of my day has been shit, I'm a little worried.

 My train back into the city got stopped for who knows what reason. I was late getting to the gym. I wasn't the last to arrive and was in a good mood compared to others. The grocery didn't have the yogurt I wanted. Someone had either shit or vomited in the garbage can outside my building. I got stopped by a couple of fans, which isn't bad, but it was too close to my home. I don't care for that. Kirk didn't answer his phone and I remembered Will was out of town until tomorrow. I texted him asking if he could help me find something.

 All of this was trivial, but it was making me whiny.

 I think I miss her.

 Maybe not miss her, but like the letdown, after you've done something fun. Like the day you get back from vacation or post-concert depression. That's probably more accurate.

 No, I miss her.

 I said yes when the blonde drunk asked if she was my girlfriend. Probably should have checked with her first. I Googled "When is she your girlfriend" mostly because I was bored and whiny. This turned out to be like when you check your symptoms and hours later you still have cancer. There were lists. Thirty-two signs she's your girlfriend and seven she isn’t. You've met her friends. She cooks for you. You do activities together. She's met your family. You look forward to seeing her. All your time isn’t spent in bed. You enjoy talking to her. You can ask anything.

 Emma doesn’t know my friends, but I’m working on it. Also, found an incredible article that said you should have an idea by the seventh or eighth date. I started doing math. If every day is a date then were had eight dates. The next paragraph said, "But really it’s up to the couple."

 I realize this is me overthinking.

 I like the whole logical Google curated list of how to tell, but I think the best idea would be to have the relationship talk. Honestly, I don't have a problem having the relationship conversation. It’s just negotiating parts and deciding on a plot. Stalkers and people with relationship disorders have ruined "the talk" by inserting all sorts of shit into it. Bottom line: don't date other people and I get to call you my girlfriend. I know why I haven't brought up "the relationship." Because I've been too busy enjoying having one. Emma doesn't come across as someone who needs to define and label. It's not as if either of us hasn't been clear. I said it's not a long weekend thing. She said she was falling in love with me. Ok, not exactly those words. I may have added one. Doesn't change the facts or that it’s not just her.

Will texted back and I was going over to his place after the gym tomorrow. He sent something to the group chat with the guys and I laid on the couch going back and forth with them for a long time. Most of us were online, which happened more often than you might think. Anyone who wasn't would catch up later. This worked for us to keep up with each other's lives and tonight it was a fun distraction from my whiny assed mood.

 Group chat got a hasty "gotta run" when FaceTime lit up my screen. I hit connect and smiled. She looked fresh from a shower with wet hair and a clean face. She had on a purple tank top. "Your eyes look very green with that purple tank. Beautiful."

 "Thank you. You look tired."

I huffed out a breath, "Just a blah day. I’m kinda whiny. Seeing your pretty face is helping."

"Happy to help. What happened?" She shifted around and I could tell she was stretching out on her couch.

 I told her the multitude of little things that had gone on today, leaving out my frustration with no one being in town. "Nothing major. As I said, I’m being whiny. Plus, I think I miss you."

"I've noticed a distinct lack of you today as well."

 I laughed, "I like that. How was your day?"

Except for rambunctious children, she’d had a good day. I was glad. She had a good work out, her talk with Ed had been less inquisition and more fun, and volleyball practice had been short and turned into dinner with friends. They had a game Wednesday night and that was it.

 We laid on the couch talking about everything and nothing until I saw her yawn.

 ~*~*~

 I was in a much better mood in the morning. I got to the gym early and had run close to an hour before the others arrived. It was a heavy weight day and I felt strong throughout. When we were done, I was tired but felt good. I called Will on my way over and picked up some food. It was a little early for lunch, but we had some shit to do first. When Will answered the door I started laughing, "I'm so happy to see you."

"You too."

We hugged and I walked inside. Seeing him made me excited to talk about Emma. I'd talked to the guys at the gym, but a different level of friend. Very different. I wanted to tell someone important to me about how important I think she is. Being here is making me feel like I might explode. Why didn't I do this last week? I grabbed him for another hug, "So happy."

He laughed, "What the hell is going on?"

 "Do you have pictures from Kirk’s wedding?"

He scratched his head, "Some." We headed toward his desk where his computer was set up. I grabbed a chair from the dining table, pulling it over. "What are you looking for?"

"Not a what. A who." Will’s laugh confirmed I had a big smile on my face.

Will moved the mouse to wake the screen. "Kirk put everything on a web site. That might be better. I saved the link. My girl looked hot."

I was thinking I bet mine did too. I reached over Will for control of the mouse and clicked through the gallery. I was looking for Emma, but also Eli's long hair. First time I thought I saw her was standing next to Eli. The shot was from behind. If it was her, she had her hair pulled up with the loose ends hanging in ringlets. Her dress was dark green. Another dozen clicks and I found her. The front of her. She held a glass of champagne talking with Kirk and Boone. I took my hand from the mouse and pointed, "Her."

 Will pointed at her and looked at me, "Emma."

I mumbled, "Son of a bitch." I looked at my phone and saw she had about ten minutes left of her planning. I hit FaceTime and put the phone in front of both of us. Will looked confused. "Wait."

 Emma's face popped up and she said, "Hey, Sebastian." She saw it wasn't only me. She looked a little surprised then said, "Will?"

I fell onto the floor and yelled, "Mother fucker."

They were both laughing and I heard Emma's voice, "I haven't heard that from him before."

Will said, "It's a favorite. How did this..."

He was cut off by Alissa coming into the room and standing over me, "What's going on?" I watched her look at the screen, "Oh hey, Emma. Sorry I missed girl’s night last time. Will, are you introducing them?"

"No, I think they took care of it themselves."

They both knew her. I yelled, "Shit", and flopped onto my stomach.

 I heard Emma's voice again, "Is he having a temper tantrum?"

Will said, "No."

Alissa said, "Yes. Look." I was face down, but I assume she was showing Emma me. "Complete temper tantrum." Alissa’s phone rang, "I'll leave you to them. Next girl's night I'm there."

"Absolutely. Bye, Alissa."

 I was never going to get off this floor.

"My kids are due back. Sebastian, I'll talk to you later. Will, good luck with him."

I yelled, "Bye, Em."

Will kicked me, "Get up, dumbass."

 I crawled over to the couch, "How do you know her?"

"Oh no, no." Will joined me on the couch, "How do you know her?"

 I wasn’t arguing. It would be faster this way. "She lives up where mom moved. I got lost looking for chocolate chips at the grocery. She helped me find shit. I asked her out to dinner."

"Of course, you did. The lost in the grocery part." He was chuckling. "I'm surprised you asked out a complete stranger. Did she know you were you?"

 I shook my head, "Not until I introduced myself. Then she laughed."  Will did too. "She'd just come from the gym. Maybe some mascara, hair in a ponytail, and gym clothes. She was beautiful and so kind to this lost crazy guy. Then went spent like nine hours sitting in a restaurant talking."

 "Nine hours?" He shook his head, "Long time."

I glared at him, "Now, how do you know her?"

"I don't remember when I met her. It's been a long time. I'm sure it was a party or maybe one of Boone's gigs. She had a boyfriend. Then she didn't. She moved and hasn't been around as much. She always with Eli and his wife. I can't say I know her. She's always been nice and fun. Never heard anybody bitch about her. I think her boyfriend cheated."

I nodded as Alissa came back into the room. She spoke, "He cheated for months before she found out. Emma lived with Eli and Angie until she moved." She looked at me. "I've been out with her a bunch of times. She's a lot of fun. She’s kind, like you. I can see you two getting along."

"Why didn't either of you introduce us?"

 Alissa looked at Will then me, "She had a boyfriend and then she moved."

 Will added, "Several of us thought she was in a throuple with Eli and Angie."

I rolled my eyes and Alissa smacked the back of his head. "You did not."

"Yes, we did."

"You were wishing is more like it." She turned her attention back to me. "She wasn't."

"I know she wasn't."

 Alissa came to me and kissed my cheek, "I'm excited for both of you."

 Will stood and gave his wife a proper kiss, "I'II see you later, love you."

She smiled at him, "Love you too." She headed for the door, calling back, "Love you too, Seb."

"I love you." I watched the door close before looking back at Will. "I was going to be pissed if I'd done something stupid like saying no to being set up."

"I didn't. Maybe Kirk." I glared at him and he laughed. "Too bad you weren't at the wedding. She looked beautiful."

"Always does."

 "Oh, you've got it bad." I nodded. "Tell me all about her." He held his hand up waved in.

 I felt my smile forming, "I fucking adore her. She... ah..." I couldn't figure out where to start. "She has these green eyes and when she smiles she gets a dimple in her left cheek, just the one. Her hair is halfway down her back and feels like silk. The way she touches is delicate but strong. Sunday for over an hour she stroked my beard, just touching me. I would have let her do that forever, her fingers on my face." I tried to imitate on Will’s arm how she touches: the slow approach that becomes firm then eases away. "Something like that. We went to dinner, a walk by the river, she cooked dinner and we ate on her deck. We made Barbeque chicken sandwiches and this weekend she made biscuits and gravy for breakfast. We went to an art fair and got mom stained glass. I won a fish for her room. Did a haunted house and line dancing. Went to the gym, she helped mom moving stuff, and we had a Romanian dinner. This weekend was a volleyball tournament where her team kicked ass. The best part was she ignored me the whole game. I had to give her a good luck kiss between sets, but that’s it. She was all in the game. I loved that she ignored me."

 Will added, "So maybe she won't take it personally when you ignore her."

"Yes.” Exactly why I loved her ignoring me. “And we've stretched out on the couch reading or watching TV showing each other our favorites. Even danced to some ABBA."

 I’d just done some kind of core dump and I could see Will's head was swimming, "You're been busy. That’s a lot of shit. Why are you just telling me, this has been going on for weeks?"

"No, it hasn’t. I met her last Friday."

 “You’ve spent all your time the last two weekends getting to know her.” He was looking at me funny. “Wow.”

 “Wow?”

 "Yeah, wow.” He made faces moving his lips back and forth "I mean... I want to tell you you've known her eleven days, you need to be careful." He laughed and grabbed my arm. “But I don’t know what you need to be careful of. I don’t think Emma gives a shit who you are. I think she's connected to music somehow. I don't know who, but I remember Kirk talking about some concert and Emma being the one to hook you up if you needed tickets.”

 I knew exactly who the hookup was. I liked he was telling me to be careful. I let out a little laugh, "She doesn't care. She's curious about my job, but not in a weird voyeuristic way. I'm not even sure what movies she's seen."

 Will smiled, "What a weird conversation. How do you start it, even? Hey baby, I was wondering which of my movies you've seen? Maybe rank them in order."

 I cringed, "Might say more about her than me. I needed experience and money. What's her excuse for watching?" We shared a smile and I went on, "I get what you're saying. I appreciate it. I have only known her for eleven days. I’m ok. Hell, I'm a lot better than ok. It's really good. The talking, the sex, the feelings. It's all really good."

 Recognition flared on his face. "I want to tell you to be careful because you're jumping in headfirst and I don't want you, my friend, to get hurt."

 I don't get over relationships easy. Takes me awhile and with the help of friends. I hate seeing my friends hurting too. I put a hand on his shoulder, “Thank you." I shrugged, "At least I’m jumping in the deep end."

 "Right in the deep end."

 We moved to the table to eat and continue talking. I checked his schedule because he and Alissa joining in this weekend sounded fun. I'd told Emma I wanted her to meet my friends and since she, Alissa, and Angie knew each other this seemed natural.

 Emma didn't have practice tonight so we were on FaceTime earlier. She was walking away from the kitchen when she answered, "Done with your tantrum?"

 I held my thumb and forefinger an inch apart, "Just a little one."

 "I can't believe the Will in your stories is Alissa's husband Will. I replayed the memories while I was on the treadmill. Did he give me a good character reference?"

 Her giving me back my words made me warm, "Yeah, said you were kind, fun, and didn't give a shit who I was. Oh, and thinks you're connected to a musician because you got Kirk tickets to something. I didn't tell him who." I didn’t want her to think I would tell her secrets.

 "Thank you, but you can. Not worried about privacy issues around your friends. Pretty sure your address on eBay would make more money than Ed's. Everyone knows where his house is."

 I was startled, "How?"

 "Some guy put the GPS coordinates on Reddit complete with Google satellite pics. Google has since blurred out the images and the realtor scrubbed the listing.”

 "Nope," I was shaking my head, "no, no, no, no, no. What's somebody going to do, ring the bell and say, dude, wanna have a beer? How would anybody think that level of invasion of privacy is acceptable. Right up there with fans commenting hateful shit to my friends. Drives me fucking crazy. Used to. I called them out and now we keep a list and rank them. Still gets to me sometimes."

 Her eyes got big, "I'm going to start a list of the wildly inappropriate sexual comments when you post a picture on Instagram."

 I held up my hands and laughed, "You'll never be able to keep up. We both know I'm down for some dirty talk, but wow, they can make me blush. I barely skim comments anymore. I used to respond to some. I miss that, but the other got out of hand."

 "What do you mean?"

 "Whoever I responded to became a target like my friends."

 "That's crazy."

 "Exactly."

 "We used to celebrate when someone got a follow or response. I'm sure there was jealousy, just not so public. I think the more time with social media the more people have taken advantage of the anonymity to say things they'd never say to someone's face."

 I smirked, "Some say it in person." I’d fielded some pretty filthy propositions over the years.

 "You gotta shoot your shot. I’ve seen it work at festivals. Hell, even a sign in the first rows. I don't think some of them understood what they were getting themselves into. The hotel bar isn't where you get a date."

 "That's a grocery store!” I held my hands up like I’d scored a touchdown. Because I had. “Everyone knows the best place to pick up women is the grocery store baking aisle." At least it was for me.

 "I'd heard, but didn't believe until a couple of weekends ago." We took a few seconds to just took at each other before Emma spoke again, "I talked to Angie today. They're free Saturday. What do you think about inviting Alissa and Will?"

 "I was going to ask you about that. I know they're free."

 "I do too!"

 "Exactly how well do you two know each other?" I gave her a worried look and Emma responded as I wanted, with a smile that grew into a little laugh.

 "Not well at all. We've been out together several times, but we've never talked outside of them. Angie and I thought we could order in, hang out at their place."

 "Sounds good." I didn’t care what we did or where we did it. "Tell me about your day."

[lovemesomesurveys]

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? No. The last one they celebrated with me was six years ago.

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? “Will”

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? Not in a good way.

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? Lithium by Nirvana. Especially a cover of it done by ThePeteBox.

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? No.

How do you behave when you’re drunk? I was chatty and annoying I feel like.

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? Dark chocolate, blech.

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? I’ve felt disappointed in myself these past few years.

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? My doggo.

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. No.

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? That would be completely random and out of the blue. I haven’t seen or talked to him in almost 6 years. I would certainly be surprised and confused and caught off guard. I wouldn’t go out and talk to him, though. I wouldn’t want him to see me right now. I honestly don’t know if I’d text him at least or not.

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I don’t remember. My mind is a jumbled mess.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Are you okay right now? I’m tired.

What time did you get up today? Sigh, like 930 after hardly sleeping at all.

When was the last time you saw your mom? Last night before she went to bed. She had the opening shift at work today so I haven’t seen her yet today.

What is the last thing you drank today? Water.

Do you dislike/hate anyone? No.

Where is your best friend right now? She’s at work.

When will your next kiss be? I have no idea.

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? 7AM is usually when I go to bed. :X

Does anyone completely understand you? I was just asked this in the previous survey I did, but no.

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? A friend. That was like 4 years ago.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? My doggo.

What will you be doing in 3 hours? *shrug*

How often do you straighten your hair? I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What are you currently looking forward to? To when my mom gets off work because I’m gonna ask if she can get me a Starbucks on her way home. I’m also hungry and wanting a breakfast sandwich, so I’ll probably have one later. She’s not off for 5 more hours. D:

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? I don’t have anything out of the ordinary going on.

Who did you last hang out with? My mom.

Did anyone see your last kiss? Probably.

Could things possibly get any better? Uh, I sure wish they would.

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? Nope.

Do you ever sleep in jeans? I haven’t in years, but I have before in the past. I don’t know how I did that. I’ve been living in leggings for the past few years and I can’t imagine doing that now.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? I only got like 2-3 hours of sleep.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? Yesterday I got like 10 hours, which is insane. My brother came in and woke me up because it was after 6PM. I never get that much sleep anymore, so I have no idea what that was about. But now today I only slept like 2-3 hours. I tried going back to sleep, but couldn’t and now here I am. Sigh.

Are you in love lately? That’s a weird way of saying it, but no. It’s been a few years since I’ve had those kind of feelings.

How often do you see your ex? I haven’t seen him in almost 6 years.

Who was the last person to text you? My pharmacy.

Did you like anyone last summer? No.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time.

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My brother and I stay up late all the time, though we’re in our own rooms.

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Not at this time.

Are you currently in a relationship? No.

Do you use a full length mirror daily? No.

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? I don’t have feelings like that for anyone.

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Yes. I have to fix myself first, though.

What are you planning on doing after this? I’m waiting for my church’s livestream service to start in like 30 minutes.

Is there a girl you would do anything for? I’d do a lot for my mom.

Who IMed you on facebook last? I had been messaging a family friend a couple weeks ago about something.

How old are you? 31.

Do you love dogs? Yesssss. I don’t know how anyone couldn’t.

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? The first one came out when I was 12 and the last one came out when I was 22.

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? No, just the Disney ones.

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Sure.

Have you ever watched an episode of "The Honeymooners"? Nope.

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No, just flat tops.

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t own any rain boots.

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Neither, but if I had to I’d choose the apple cause I don’t like oranges.

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? I can’t do either one.

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yeah, for choir and band concerts. Never by myself. 

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? No.

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size.

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Not even close.

Do you sleep in PJs? I always wear leggings and graphic tees and sleep in that as well.

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Depends on my mood, but I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? There are some movies I love experiencing in theaters for the first time. 

Do you prefer brown or white rice? Neither.

Do you like spaghetti? Yes.

What about lasagna? Not so much. It’s the type of noodle I have an issue with. I’m weird and particular about my food and when it comes to pasta, I like thin noodles.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yesss.

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? No, it’s in November.

Do you like chocolate bars? Sure. 

what about ice cream? Sure. I haven’t had either one in awhile, though. 

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? No, thankfully.

Do you get tired easily? I’m just always tired.

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? Hahahah, no.

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? Yeah, I’ve done a lot of volunteer work. What about court-ordered community service? No.

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) No. I’ve always been too scared.

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? No. 

Are your ears pierced? How many times? Just my earlobes.

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? Yes.

Or were you born blonde? Nope.

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? Ugh, once I turned 30 they started popping up.

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nope.

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No.

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes.

Did you have your tonsils taken out? Nope.

Did you have your appendix taken out? No.

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them.

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I don’t know if I could, like health wise.

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? skjflsfjklds nooooooo.

Do you like Harry Potter? I enjoyed the movies.

What about Twilight? I was really into Twilight back when the books and movies were coming out, but I outgrew it and find it kinda cringe now lol. How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I never got into that.

Are you going to see 'The Hobbit' when it comes out? ---

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian' on it? No.

Do you have any collector's glasses or cups or mugs? I do.

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Black.

What size shoe do you wear? 6 in women’s (US). Each of my Adidas are actually a 3 or 4 in kid’s sizes, though.

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Average, I guess.

Do you bite your nails when you're stressed? I pick and clip my nails constantly.

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No.

Are you on the birth control pill? Nope.

Or are you trying to get pregnant? Absolutely not. I’m just not sexually active, so.

You'd rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Black.

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Shockingly, yes.

Can you swim well in water way above your head? I can’t swim.

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No.

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No.

What about a tornado? Nope. 

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m closer to my mom.

Were you your parents' first born? I’m their first together, but not my mom’s. She had my older brother before meeting my dad.

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No.

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No.

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was 9 and his name was Philip. 

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Vaguely. 

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? No.

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Nope. I haven’t drank in 8 years and have no desire to.

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called "Mr. Dressup"? Nope.

What about the kids show "Fred Penner's Place"? Nope.

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? No.

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy.

What are those 'said' health issues? –

Do you collect DVDs? No. I don’t have that many.

Do you download music? Nope. I’ve just used Spotify the past several years now.

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, I have’t done that in yearssss.

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No.

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? EW, noooooo.

Didn't you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah.

Have you ever played dodgeball? Ugh, yes. I hated dodgeball. I don’t find having a ball thrown at me to be fun at all. I was always scared of getting hit in the face.

What about Red Rover? Yes.

Have you ever played "What time is it mr. wolf?"? It doesn’t sound familiar.

Do you hate your weight? Yes.

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? I do.

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter, hands down. I don’t get the hype of Nutella.

Have you ever stepped on a snail? Gahhhh, I’ve run over one before.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? I like both.

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? I only wear ankle socks.

Last movie you've seen in theaters? The Invisible Man. That was almost. a year ago now. I miss going to the theater.

What is your oldest sibling's middle name? I’m not sharing that.

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? I have been to Disneyland several times, I love it. I’d love to go to Disney World someday.

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? No.

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? I definitely wouldn’t go alone.

Do you like breadsticks? I do.

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? I never wear shorts, I’m a leggings gal.

What state were you born in? California. 

Have you ever had a nose bleed? Nooo, thankfully. I would freak out.

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Still live there.

Do you have a weak stomach? Yes.

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes.

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No.

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? No. Definitely not cut out for that.

Do you *really* like donuts? Yesss.

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? Not to me.

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Uh, NO, absolutely not. The only people I text and text me are my parents, brother, and my Nana....

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Food, coffee, clothes.

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I don’t like anyone in that way.

What do you usually order on a pizza? *finishing this hours later from when I started* White sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, crumbled meatballs, and pesto. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? I’m single.

Who's the first person with the letter "m" in your contacts? My mom.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy. 

How old will you be on your next birthday? 32.

What color are your underwear? Blue.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes.

[szopenhauer]

What type of friend are you?  funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD 

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate 

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little 

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex 

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc. 

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so... 

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job 

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture 

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties 

If your girlfriend/​​boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is 

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom 

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek 

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such 

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android 

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building?  just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are 

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story 

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed 

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family 

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t 

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse 

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

[holidaywishes]

i think i might love you

   Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: can you do something with t segs about him being best friends with a small shy nerdy, not your typical blonde hair bombshell type girl and him realizing he’s in love with her💗          

  Warning: fluff, maybe some swearing

  masterlist

  “Why are you so awful at this?!” you yelled to Tyler while the two of you played NHL 19, “isn’t this like your thing?”

  “No, actually, it’s not!” he laughed, “they’re very different things. I’m not on the ice!”

  “Whatever, you still suck”

  “Maybe I’m just letting you win...”

  “Yeah right!” you scoffed as you scored another goal before celebrating, “HA! BOOM! I win. I always win! What do I get this time?”

  “Who said you get anything?” he said as he got up to walk into the kitchen

  “We made a bet, sourpuss,” you followed Tyler into the kitchen, “so...?”

  “I’ll pay for your dinner” he said, rolling his eyes dramatically

  “Wow, what a treat” you teased and pushed him out of the way so you could grab a glass from his cabinet.

  “You’re damn right it’s a treat” he returned

  “How about something a little more... out of the ordinary...” Tyler gave you a confused glare and you waited in silence for him to say something, “it’s not like you’ve never paid for my dinner before. If all I get for beating your ass is a lousy dinner than I’m gonna have to stop wasting my time around here”

  “What is it you want then?” he asked curiously

  “Hmm.. well there’s a world of possibilities Seguin,” you mused, “how about... helicopter tour? concert in Vegas? introduce me to Captain America?”

  “I met Chris Evans once, we’re not exactly buddy buddy...”

  “Call in a favour”

  “Sorry can’t do that”

  “Okay.. well.. I don’t know.. OH WAIT! Take me to a Pens game!”

  “A Pens game? why?”

  “Uhm to watch them win... duh”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be cheering for me? and my team?”

  “Yeah sure.. only when you’re playing. But I grew up watching Pittsburgh,” you pouted and whined in your best baby voice, “please, Ty...”

  “Ugh fine,” he groaned, “grab the schedule”

  “YES!” you yelled, running to your bag to grab the pocket season schedule your Mom got you in October, “okay so there’s one this weekend it looks like... and it’s perfect because you’re not playing!”

  “You know I still have practice though...” he laughed and you smiled

  “Not this day you don’t!”

  “Fine. I guess I’ll see you in Pittsburgh”

  “See you in Pittsburgh!” you hopped past him back toward the couch, a big grin still plastered on your face. You pushed your oversized, butterfly shaped glasses up the bridge of your nose before grabbing the controller and continuing the play as Tyler sat down next yo you; you could feel his gaze on you, so you chirped him, “take a picture, it’ll last longer”

  “You’re really using that gem?”

  “You’re really gonna sit there and pretend like you’re not staring at me?”

  “I wasn’t staring...”

  “Mhm..” you hummed before pausing the game, “what?”

  “What do you mean?” he said, dumbfounded, “I wasn’t staring... I just.. I don’t get it...”

  “Oh god.. what does that mean?”

  “Why did you go to school in New York?” he said, gesturing to your Columbia sweatshirt, “I mean why couldn’t you just stay in Toronto...?”

  “Uhm, maybe because I got a scholarship to one of the top ranked Universities in the world, you ass,” you teased, “and it’s New York City. I wasn’t going to pass that up”

  “But I never saw you”

  “That has nothing to do with Columbia. That has to do with you and Boston and then Dallas. Don’t blame it on me...”

  “I’m not blaming,” he defended, “I’m just saying. Before Boston, we did everything together and then we just kinda... didn’t”

  “We still got together Ty...” you brought your legs up onto the couch, “look, I’m here now. We’re hanging out... we’re going to a hockey game on Saturday. We’re still friends, do you not think we’re friends anymore?”

  “What? no of course not! Don’t panic,” he tried, “I just kinda miss you sometimes...”

  “Awww!” you cooed, pushing his shoulder teasingly, “I miss you too, Tyler.” You leaned in to give him a tight hug because it seemed like he needed it, but you needed it just as much as he did; you pulled him a little closer and caught the scent on his hair, breathing it in before you pulled away slowly. Your eyes caught his for just a second and you tried to hide the way your breathing increased by moving back on the couch -- further away from Tyler, when you heard him call for the dogs.

  “Marsh, Cash, Gerry,” he whistled, “where are you guys?” With that the three labs came rushing to the couch, jumping up instantly and licking your faces frantically.

  “My god, you’d think they hadn’t seen us in weeks...” you laughed and tried to move your face away from the dogs. Catching Tyler staring at you one last time before you cleared you throat and focused your eyes back on the brightly lit screen.

Tyler’s P.O.V

  Why did she seem so new to you? You had known her for so long and she had always just been... (Y/N)... So why was she suddenly making you nervous? You watched her as the dogs licked her face before she trained her eyes on the screen. She caught your eyes once but whipped back to the T.V. and didn’t look at you for the majority of the night until she finally got up to go to bed.

  “So you’re gonna sleep on the couch yeah?” she smiled at you and you felt a small wave of heat flood your cheeks

  “What? why would I do that?”

  “Because I’m taking your bed. It’s the comfiest in the house so...”

  “Ahh no,” you laughed, “who said you could take my bed?”

  “Me!” she giggled as you stood up, noticing her prepare to run to your room

  “I don’t think so” you approached her slowly, eyes narrowing

  “Tyler...”

  “(Y/N)...” she stood in front of you, playing with the hem of her Columbia sweatshirt, watching how you moved to decide what her next step would be. When you lunged forward to grab her, she dodged your hand and let out a squeal; something you normally would find annoying but for some reason, you thought it was adorable. You smiled and continued to chase her through your house, letting her run ahead of you to let her think she had the upper hand before you made two large strides and wrapped your arm around her stomach and carried her through the hallway.

  “See, your problem is that you get too cocky” you laughed

  “TYLER!” she yelled, squirming under your grip, her glasses falling to the floor, “let me go!” You didn’t listen, instead you carried her to the guest room and threw her onto the mattress abruptly, staring at her briefly before walking out of the room. When you came back she had a confused look on her face which you attributed to the fact that she probably couldn’t see, so you walked over to the bed and slid her glasses on her face

  “I think you dropped these...” you said lowly as her brilliant (Y/E/C) eyes hypnotized you as they danced between yours

  “You mean you knocked them off me” she finally said before sitting up to adjust her position.

  “Well I should let you get some sleep...” you muttered before she could speak, leaving her mouth to gape as you walked away

  “Okay...” she whispered, confusion clearly present in her voice. You started to walk to your bedroom, shaking your head to clear out whatever had just happened but it was still there; you leaned up against the wall and took a second to look back at everything but all you saw was her. All you heard was her. All you smelled was her. Now, all you wanted was her.

  What the hell was that? You thought to yourself. It couldn’t have just been you that noticed the weirdness. This wasn’t unusual for you and Ty, to play wrestle like this but there was something different tonight. Some kind of tension that had never been there before and it freaked you out; you couldn’t help think that something was wrong. Sitting against the pillows for 20 minutes contemplating what it all meant only made it worse, so you decided to confront him about it.

  “Tyler...?” you whispered to him after opening his door but he didn’t answer, “Ty, you awake?” When he still didn’t answer, you sighed and closed the door before heading back to the guest room. When you woke up the next morning, you prepared yourself for just as awkward of a situation as last night but you were thankful when everything seemed to be back to normal

  “Morning sleepy head!” Tyler greeted as you came into the kitchen

  “Morning dork” you teased, before lifting your arms above your head in a big stretch

  “So, I thought we’d go meet Chubbs for lunch” he said as you sat down at the kitchen table

  “Sounds good to me..” you said, still half-asleep, “hey, can we talk about last night?”

  “Hmm? What about last night?” he asked, his back to you

  “Ty, can you just come here,” you said, “sit down and talk to me...” He turned around and slowly walked toward you, sitting down in front of you.

  “What’s up?”

  “What happened last night? Why were you acting so strange?”

  “I wasn’t acting strange...” he shrugged, “I don’t know what you mean. We were doing what we always do...”

  “Yeah but something was... different,” you tried, “wasn’t it?”

  “I don’t think so...” You could tell that he wasn’t going to address it, whatever it was, so you ended the conversation and went on with the morning; running a few errands before you and Tyler left to meet Jamie for lunch. It felt like it had been ages since you had seen Jamie and you were excited to hear what was going on with him and whether or not he’d fallen in love yet. But the ride to the restaurant took much longer than you anticipated, and it was almost completely silent, making you irritated by the time you got there. You looked over at Tyler a few times, waiting for him to say or do something but he just stared out the windshield at the road in silence.

  “Okay,” you finally said to break the silence, “what the fuck is going on?!”

  “What?” he questioned

  “Tyler, why are you not talking to me? Or teasing me? Or singing to dumb rap songs on the radio to drive me insane? Why are we just sitting in uncomfortable silence?”

  “I didn’t know it was an uncomfortable silence...”

  “Tyler!!”

  “What? It’s not like you said anything either!”

  “Fair but still. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing...”

  “You’re lying to me!!” you yelled, a small laugh on the statement

  “No I’m not. Nothing is wrong. I promise. Look we’re here...”

  “This isn’t over, Seguin,” you said pointing your finger at him before getting out of the car, following him with your eyes as he walked in front of the car to meet you at the sidewalk, “not by a long shot...”

Tyler’s P.O.V.

  “Hey Jamie!!” (Y/N) greeted when she saw him, wrapping her arms around his waist to give him a tight squeeze

  “There she is! The short little one I like so much!” he teased, hugging her close

  “Hey bud” you greeted him with a nod and a quick high five, noticing (Y/N) roll her eyes

  “Ty...” Jamie joked in a serious tone, “alright so what’s going on with you (Y/N)?”

  “Nothing really.. school’s good. Work’s... a lot. I’ve got this week to do absolutely nothing which is why I’m here...” (Y/N) said, her laugh ringing through the air, finding its way into your ear like a song you wanted to play on repeat

  “Sounds like you came here at the perfect time” Jamie smiled at her

  “She’s also forcing me to go to a Pens game this weekend...” you added, raising your eyebrows

  “We’re playing the Pens like next week...” Jamie asked confused

  “Ah yes, but you’re not this weekend. In fact you’re not playing at all...” (Y/N) answered

  “It’s one game, I figured I’d let her have it,” you joked, “better to let her win than argue about something like this...” You and Jamie laughed while (Y/N) scrunched her nose at the two of you. The rest of lunch went by about the way that you figured it would, nothing out of the ordinary, until (Y/N) left the table and Jamie started asking questions

  “What’s going on here?” he started

  “We’re having lunch, Chubbs...” you joked

  “I mean with you and (Y/N). I see the way you’re looking at her. The way you blush whenever she laughs, the way you scoot closer to her forcing your arms to touch. I saw you watch her get up... and walk away...”

  “Stop it”

  “Seggy come on, tell me”

  “Nothing is happening. Nothing is going on. She’s still (Y/N), we’re still friends. Best Friends,” you emphasized, “but --”

  “But...” Jamie said with a big grin on his face, leaving you to roll your eyes at him

  “But maybe there’s something there. At least on my end. She doesn’t feel that way...”

  “Why don’t you ask her?”

  “So I can embarrass myself? Or get rejected and lose my friendship? No thanks”

  “Oh please,” he huffed, “you’re not gonna get rejected. If I know anything, it’s that that girl has been in love with you for as long as you’ve known each other but you’ve been too busy with the Blondes of Dallas to pay attention”

  “She’s not in love with me...” you whispered, defeated, “and she’s blonde too”

  “She’s not Texas Blonde. She’s Girl-Next-Door Blonde,” he started and you gave him a confused look before he could continue, “her hair is like spun gold. The Texas Blondes are bottled and bleached. And yes, she is in love with you, if you’d taken a second to pay attention...”

  “Chubbs... be serious okay. Maybe you’re like projecting or whatever. Maybe you’re in love with her and that’s why you’re talking about her hair that’s ‘spun like gold’” you teased just as (Y/N) came back to the table and you tried to switch the conversation, “I think I’m right... and you’re very very wrong”

  “Oooh what’s Tyler wrong about?” (Y/N) chimed in, making Jamie laugh

  “HEY! I said I was right and he was wrong”

  “Yes, which means that he’s probably right and you’re definitely wrong”

  “She was obviously listening to our conversation because she knows” Jamie said knowingly, tilting his glass to her

  “She’s wrong. You’re wrong” you said to the both of them

  “I’m bored,” (Y/N) said abruptly, “let’s go find something to do. Head to Main Street or Bishop...? Or go see a movie. I can’t sit at this table all day, Ty, I need to do... something. Jamie?”

  “I can’t, sorry kid,” he replied and she tilted her head at him, “I gotta go meet Katie...”

  “Fine. Tell her I say hi...” she said, standing up to give Jamie a hug goodbye

  “Will do” he said, wrapping her in a tight hug and nodding to you; trying to get you to admit your feelings and you rolled your eyes

  “Okay, into the car we go” you joked

  “What? No let’s just walk. Where are you planning to take me?” she laughed

  “I thought we were going to Bishop?”

  “Yeah, which isn’t far. We can just walk,” she glanced up at you, “or are you getting lazy?”

  “Fine, we’ll walk,” you agreed, scowling at her once before saying goodbye to Jamie, “later Chubbs”

  “Tell her” he whispered to you when (Y/N) was out of earshot and you shot him a glare. When you turned the corner, you saw her waiting for you and you saw what Jamie was talking about. The sun hit (Y/N) in such a way that her hair looked like a halo around her, making her glow as her long strands fell across her shoulder. Her porcelain skin shimmering in the light and the smile that she gave you when she finally saw you only seemed to make everything brighter.

  “Took you long enough” she teased, bringing you back to her

  “Nah nah nah, you ran out of the restaurant, I wasn’t slow”

  “Whatever, slowpoke, let’s go...” She turned to walk away, the fabric of her skirt effortlessly dancing in the wind and you ran toward her, draping your arm over her shoulder when you reached her, “well look who just got a sudden burst of energy!” She giggled, looking up at you and your knees went weak, making you take your arm away from her.

  “So, what are we doing?” you cleared your throat and looked ahead, “playing some kind of game?”

  “What?” she said, still looking up at you, confusion covering her features

  “You know, like normal,” you replied, “are we pretending to be injured to see who will help us? Pretending that we’re being chased by the cops to freak some people out? Pretending to be a couple, desperately in love, on their way to a chapel on the other side of the city?“ You laughed awkwardly at your last words, looking down at her and seeing her eyes grow wide before she looked ahead of her

  “Uhm,” she hesitated, “I don’t know.. what do you think?”

  “We haven’t done the couple thing in a while...” you said, putting your hands in your pockets as you continued to walk

  “That’s true but it’s always a little more entertaining to run from the cops”

  “Yeah but it’s not really believable...”

  “Neither is us being a couple,” she said under her breath and you stopped walking, “Ty?”

  “Why isn’t it believable?”

  “What?”

  “Us being a couple. Why isn’t it believable?”

  “Because it’s not...” she moved toward you, “I’m not really your type and people notice that”

  “How do they know what my type is?!”

  “Why are you getting so upset? It’s just a game,” she said defensively, “and a game only we know we’re playing...”

  “It doesn’t have to be a game...” you whispered, rubbing your neck sheepishly as you tried to avoid her gaze; knowing that her eyes would ruin any anger bumbling inside of you

  “What does that mean?” she said gently, lifting her hand to rest it on your forearm and you finally looked at her; heartbeat in your ears, breathing uncontrolled and everything in you telling you just to kiss her

  “Do you want it to mean something?” was all you said, forcing her to step back and no words escaped her lips, the two of you standing across from each other in silence.

  You had no idea what to do now. He had been back and forth between normal and odd since last night and now this. Do you want it to mean something? No. Maybe. Why would it even mean something? You weren’t the girl he wanted, you were just something available and your friendship with him was more important than what his lips would feel like against yours. You stood in front of him, eyes trained on his, and waited for him to say something, to clear up his question, but he never did, so you turned on your heels and darted up the pathway.

  “(Y/N)... Wait!” he called after you and you tried to escape him, your cheeks still flustered while your mind raced, “Stop!” You turned sharply, making him run into you

  “OW..” the two of you said at the same time as you rubbed your head

  “What are you doing?” you asked, raising your voice unintentionally

  “You’re the one who stopped!”

  “Not that,” you sighed, “why are you messing with my head?”

  “Messing with your head? I’m not..”

  “You are! What am I supposed to say to ‘do you want it to mean something?’ what am I supposed to think is happening when you’re fine one second and the next you won’t look at me?”

  “I don’t know!”

  “Then why can’t you just act like you?!”

  “(Y/N)...”

  “What Tyler?”

  “Maybe I want us to be more than friends...”

  “No you don’t...” You looked at him as a million thoughts ran through your head. You met Tyler when you were five years old and were immediately charmed by him. The way he smiled, the way his eyes were like honey in the sunlight, the way he could make you laugh at absolutely everything. As you got older, you realized your feelings were more romantic than his probably were and, by the time you were 13, you were hopelessly in love with him. While he worked to become the Hockey Superstar that the world knew, you worked toward Columbia University because you knew that the only way to escape your feelings was to get away from him for a bit. It didn’t matter though. You were still there for his first NHL game in Boston surrounded by his family. Your heart still fluttered every time he smiled -- at you or anyone else. But he was always with someone. Some girl who looked nothing like you, but exactly like the rest, and you realized that you’d never be the girl he wanted. He’d never see you the way you wanted him to. So, you tried to let him go but he never let you go too far. When you realized you had been standing in front of him without saying a word for too long, you tried to mutter something to express how you were feeling, “I don’t...”

  “You don’t want us to be more than friends?” he repeated

  “I never said that...”

  “What do you want then?”

  “I want us to be friends... like we always have,” you answered, “I don’t want to ruin that or lose it Tyler. I’m not this Blonde Bombshell type that’s all over Dallas. Sooner or later, you’d realize that and move on; friendships don’t survive that, T”

  “That wouldn’t happen...”

  “You don’t know that”

  “No, actually I do,” he said suddenly, leaving you standing there speechless for a while, waiting for him to continue, “I know what would happen. I know how our relationship would be. I would wake up to the smell of your coconut conditioner and watch as you slowly opened your eyes, looking up at me and smiling that smile that makes me melt. We’d walk through Uptown Dallas and Downtown Dallas and we’d become everyone’s favourite couple because even the smallest kisses between us would show everyone how we feel for each other. I would protect you from ever being in pain, you’d comfort me when I needed it after a loss. I can picture us, holding hands and walking through this park, mocking each other like we always do. I can see us in Paris or Greece or Vegas, sharing kisses at all your favourite spots. I can see you walking the stage when you graduate Columbia with me hollering for you from the stands. I can see you doing the same during the playoffs. I can see all of this. Our friendship wouldn’t change, it would be the same...”

  “Tyler, that’s...” you tried to think of the words that would save your heart, “that sounds so amazing. But it doesn’t sound like us. We’re not a couple. We’ve never been a couple. We’re jus--”

  “I think I’m in love with you” he blurted out, interrupting you and making the people around you stare.

  “You’re what?”

  “I think I might love you, that I might be in love with you...”

  “No..”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t wait until the next moment I get to see you again. Your voice is permanently ingrained in my mind and your smile is the best part of my day. I don’t know who I’d be without you and I don’t want to find out because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Your eyes danced between his as your mouth gaped open; you had no words. This was all you had wanted for so long but it felt like a dream and you were having a hard time believing it, “can you say something?”

  “I.. I’ve been in love with you from the second I met you...” you noticed a smile creep on his face, but your eyebrows had unfurrowed, “I don’t want to get hurt, Tyler.” He stepped close to you, almost completely closing the gap between the two of you as onlookers stayed to see how it would end

  “The last thing I want to do is hurt you” he said, sweeping his thumb across your cheek

  “You promise?”

  “I’ll bet the season on it,” he smiled, continuing to close the gap and you smiled back up at him, “there it is. The best part of my day.” He smiled and pulled you up to capture your lips in a kiss you’d never forget as the crowd of people around you began to applaud and cheer, leaving you to blush at the sudden realization that you were kissing in public.

  “Maybe we should do this somewhere else” you whispered

  “Maybe you’re right” he agreed, swinging his arm over your shoulder and kissing the top of your head as the two of you went on your way.

[eemolu]

quarantine questions for a good quarantime

k thanks cecil again 4 making me do stoopid tag bc i am beYOND bored and refuse to do any schoolwork boycott @datingdonovan

Are you staying home from school/work?

i mean school is right now 3 feet from my bed at my desk... we call it zoom university and it is mediocre

Who is at home with you?

mom dad sister two dogs and grandpa

Are you a homebody?

dude yeah im honestly doing pretty good i’ve been effectively quarantined for like 6 weeks already and im juuuust starting to show signs of strain

Any event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

vampire weekend concert junior season of water polo exec board of sorority final term as an RA leader of several clubs and also there’s no wine in my house

What movies have you been watching recently?

halfway thru onward kinda underwhelmed watched a bad lifetime movie tonight with my mom and set it up last night with the whole fam 

What are you doing for self care?

harry potter book club is helping, i hate myself for saying working out but like... working out.

What shows are you watching?

rewatching cheer and then im gonna start my community rewatch on netflix when im done

What music have you been listening to?

my quarantine playlist is growing but i’m in a creative writing class which means delving deep into my “if life was a movie” playlist. some bangers from that are: one foot in the grave by andie i choose you by adam melchor AND caffiene by lola zouaï

What books are you reading?

i read a harry potter book a week w/ my friends (we’re on the third), i’m reading the charioteer by mary renault and then also for my YA lit class we’re doing the outsiders (which i just realized i first read when i was ten years old??? it has been a DECADE?????!) and the hate u give is next

What games are you playing?

animal crossing and absolutely nothing else

i am notorious for having no friends so do this if u want lol would love to get to know any of my mutuals:) if not well then guess that’s that

[purplesurveys]

812

Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? I'm always civil with everyone, and when I get mad at someone I make sure it’s because they really fucked up on a task, and not just because I don’t like their personality or whatever. I’ve always just felt like butting heads with someone is only going to affect my work, so I try not to clash with people. If I don’t like someone for any reason, I usually just minimize my interactions with them. Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? ...Does a classmate count? I started crushing on Gab back in high school lol. Have you ever been romantically involved with a coworker? ^ Same question. Do you have any thoughts on a 14-year age-gap? Not a fan. Age gaps in general scare me away, though I think it’s because I’ve only been with someone of the same age. What is the game you're currently playing most often on your phone? Bitlife. It’s like a simpler Sims.

What is your go-to Starbucks order? MAN OH MAN does this question make me miss coffee shops. I get a grande iced caramel macchiato. I get it as is because having so many customization options just makes me overwhelmed. Do you have any friends that you're drifting apart from? I don’t think so. We all just have to be apart right now but once we can see each other again, I’m 110% sure it’ll only be like we hadn’t seen each other in a day. Are you close to someone who is mentally unwell? I think all my friends aren’t mentally okay to some extent. It’s pretty common in our age group. What phone do you have? iPhone 8. What is the last thing you ordered for delivery? Andrew and I had Chinese food delivered to Skywalk after a particularly brutal verbal beatdown from our thesis adviser who had told us to revise big chunks of our thesis ASAP. I was super stressed so I allowed myself to splurge on the Hong Kong noodles I really liked and I specifically asked for three fucking packets of peanut sauce to drown my noodles in lmao. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? It’s my preferred way of getting a pet. Adopt and don’t shop, plz. What's your favorite chain restaurant? YABUUUUUUUU. If I reach the point where I only had ₱400 left to my name, I’d still most likely spend it on their katsu.  Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? No...well, Gabie is part Turkish, so kinda? She’s still mostly Filipino though. Have you ever read any of your idol’s books/autobiographies? Out of all the people I fangirl over, only AJ has produced an autobiography and yes, I have her book. Oh I have One Direction’s first book too, but I haven’t been able to buy the next ones that came out. Do you own any succulents? Nope. Can’t take care of plants to save my life. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done that, all the trees here have red ants. :/ If you have any pets, how would you describe their personalities? Kimi’s an absolute diva and chooses to follow, listen to, and be sweet with only me. He’ll be super nice when he’s asking for food, but will be quick to stop minding you completely once he’s gotten enough food from you. We give him a pass since he’s a senior dog now, but he’s definitely the snobby type hahaha. What is your phone's background? My home screen is of Hayley Williams; my lock screen is of Beyoncé and Jay-Z on stage. Who played at the last concert you went to? Paramore. Who is playing at the next concert you're attending? I’m really fucking hoping it’s going to be Beyoncé because she’s the only artist left I have yet to see lmao but if not, I’m most likely going to see Paramore again. What's your favorite amusement park ride? I like riding the octopus, but only the one in my high school’s fair. What's your favorite deep-fried food item? Corndogs, for sure. Why were you last pulled over? I got confused with the road rules in Alabang and ended up stopping at a red light albeit over a pedestrian lane. Stilllllll pissed about that instance to this day and I’ve never gotten over how rude the traffic enforcer was towards me. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? I don’t think so, we don’t have a lot of lakes here to begin with. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Take a shower, if I understood this question correctly. Canoeing or kayaking? I kayaked in Palawan when we were there and it was so peaceful and felt like absolute heaven. I’d relive that experience over and over again. What's your favorite lake? Like I said, we don’t really have a lot of lakes here. I don’t even know enough to pick a favorite. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? Sure, why not. Do you have a drone? I don’t. I’m not interested in having one. Do you have a smart watch? Nope. I’d love one but tbh I end up losing every watch I ever try to wear, so buying one would be pointless. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? It’s a bar rather than a restaurant, but Exile was such a fun place to be in. I still don’t understand why they had to close down so suddenly when sooooo many college kids were going there every single day. It’s since been replaced by this random shrimp restaurant, though I think that already closed too since no one ever went there because EVERYONE PREFERS EXILE. It was a very important part of my early college years and it helped me get out from my slump, so I’ll always be grateful that it was around at some point. What do you order from there? I don’t even remember anymore, it shut down two or three years ago. I’ll see if their menu is still up on Zomato... andddd it’s not. It’s like it never existed, sigh. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Cookies and cream. They jack up the prices for Ben & Jerry’s here like CRAZY so even though I’ve wanted to try so many of their flavors, I’ve never gotten to try it. I’m not paying ₱500-₱600 for ice cream. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? Yes, I have a couple of shirts from this local business called Artwork. Their employees, who are also artists, produce original designs on t-shirts, bags, pins, shoes, wallets, etc. every week so every time I visit the store, the selection is almost always completely brand new. What is your prettiest friend's first name? Gabriela, hehe. Who is your favorite comedian? Not really into comedians. I like Andy Samberg’s work, but mostly only for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What's your favorite Netflix series? Queer Eye or Black Mirror, if we’re talking about original Netflix series. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I regularly tuned in to a morning radio program when I’d drive to school before quarantine started, but that’s it. Do you know anyone who's had their own podcast? Nope, but I have friends and acquaintances who have released other stuff, like vlogs and EPs. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? Cavite. What are you looking forward to, today? Mom bought shawarma so I can’t wait to eat them tonight. What are you looking forward to, in the next few months? For this Covid mess to finally blow over so I can have an actual, tangible graduation and see all my friends again. Are you a dog or a cat person? Dog. Without. A. Doubt. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? Me. They never liked me no matter how nice I am with them, so I can never be around one for more than a minute. There’s only one cat that’s been nice to me – one of the cats that roam around the college, we call him Ginger – but even then, sometimes his claws can get super sharp when we play and it pierces my skin and I get scared, ahuhu. I’m sure cats are super nice and that they make for great pets, but we just can’t ever bond lol. Do you know any with Crohn's disease? No.

[shawn-does-stuff]

Krakow Q&A

Full Video -> HERE

"I'm finally here guys" -Shawn saying he's finally in Poland after 3 years of people asking for him to go there. — Q: Where were you in the morning? A: In the gym — Shawn's asking the fans how to say 'I love you' in Polish and some other words — Q: Would you like to fail or never try? A: To fail! Never trying sucks! — Q: How would you spend one day if you were a woman? A: I don't know I would probably do the same thing. — Q: Are you looking forward to the new season of the 100? A: I haven't seen the last two. Raven is my favorite. — Q: How are you doing? A: A lot of you asked this today, if I'm tired, I'm fine, thank you so much. — Q: Do you think about your future? A: All the time. That's all I think about actually. Don't stress about the future by the way, be more in the now. — "Poland and Brazil are tied....'COME TO POLAND COME TO POLAND'" -Shawn during the Q&A — Q: Day or night mode on twitter? A: I'm on night mode. — Q: Who's music did you listen to when you were a child? A: I listened to a lot of Jonas Brothers actually. — Q: Do you ever realize how easily you could've lived an entirely different life? A: Yeah, I think that's what keeps me feeling like I'm the luckiest person in the world, cause I know to be able to do this is one in a million & I don’t know why I got to do it but I just did & I’m the happiest person in the world because of that. so with that being said I’m gonna try really hard to make you guys happy always because I do appreciate it so much — "I think Polish people have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen in my life" — Q: What is your favorite relationship? A: I'm really close to Khalid, I love Khalid. Shawn: Oh! Who do I ship? I don't know! I don't want to get involved with that. — Q: What is your creative process like when writing a song? A: It's insane, it's like I'm in the bathroom showering and something comes up in my mind. I literally have two thousand voice notes in my phone. When I'm ready to write a song I just look back at my phone. — "I'm going to try my hardest not to fall on stage" — Q: Two years ago I gave you one of my drawings, what are the chances that you still have it? A: Probably very high because I keep everything, my dad has a lot of it. He has like MILLIONS of drawings, but I do have it, where it is? I don't know but I have it. — "I love Christmas time with my family" — Q: What's the best thing about being famous? A: You get to skip lines all the time, you don't have to wait anywhere. — Q: Do you ever considered involving dance in your concerts? A: You really want to see me dance? Fans: YEEEEEEES Shawn: No — Q: In a room full of people have you ever felt lonely and asked yourself "what am I doing here? I was supposed to be at home watching Netflix" A: I think it’s so wrong to tell yourself you’re supposed to be doing anything because I believe in fate and I believe in the fact that things are just meant to be the way they are so if you’re ever doing something and you say to yourself "I’m not supposed to be doing this" you are, because you're doing it. and that's just the truth so I don't really regret anything. I love what I do. There’re so many days I feel lonely and I call my mom and my sister and I’m one facetime with them for hours. — "I know you guys think Touring is crazy, IT IS crazy and exhausting but imagine how much energy you get when  you get up on stage in front of 20K people and everyone screaming it's the most exciting thing in the world so even if I was falling asleep right now- I would get on stage with so much energy. Always remember that, don't stress about me, ok?” — Q: Would you ever collaborate with Jack and Jack? A: Yeah sure one day, I love them. — Q: Did you heard anything about Poland before you come here? A: I heard two things, first everybody is gorgeous which is true...and then I heard you guys were crazy. — A fan asked Shawn if he could record a little video for her friend who is going through a hard time he said he couldn't cause everyone would ask but he said "Tell you friend that I'm thinking about her and I love her, and I hope she's doing well" — Q: Was it hard for you to decide that you didn't want to live in the usual way of life, college, work. A: I didn't really decide it. I think you go a lot of years doing what you love to do and you try to make career out of that. I was so lucky to find that at a really young age — Q: If you could pick one show what would it be? A: am I gonna get in trouble if I don't say Krakow? Crowd: yeah! Shawn: then my favorite show is Krakow! — "I would have stopped wearing plaid shirts a lot earlier in life because I basically wore plaid shirts every day of my life for years" — Q: How are you doing? A: You guys are so thoughtful! so many people came in today and said are you tired? and I’m like "Ahh a little tired" but no, I’m fine thank you so much. You’re so sweet. — Shawn: What’s your question? Fan: Mine? oh my god Shawn: Well we're doing this, so I don't know. — "I woke up today in Poland so excited! Because you guys are more excited than usual. Poland and Brazil are tied" — Q: could you play bohemian rhapsody or perfectly wrong tonight if not it’s okay? A: Ehhhh, maybe… — Q: What's your funniest story with Niall? A: Idk, Niall is like my older brother. Every time I'm with him I'm just laughing constantly for 6 hours. He's one of my favorite people ever. — Q: How do you deal with anxiety? A: I have very amazing people around me. I think it is so important to know that if you're feeling anxious that you need to talk about it to let it out and don't hold that in. — Q: What is the most difficult thing during the tour? A: I don't know! sometimes we have to be on a bus for 20 hours which is kinda hard but its not that hard because I have a bed on the bus and a TV.

(Questions and answers from @SMendesQandA and @sm3thetour on Twitter)

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 2 commentary (Yukinojo)

Watched this episode live with you guys at 1am, stream froze right at the ending. That was the tipping point I needed to stay up to watch it again as soon as it was released on Crunchyroll at 3am, with the few folks who stayed in the chat. And of course after all that extended King of Prism woke me up, now look who can’t sleep and is watching it a 3rd time tonight at... 5am... aha ha... ha...... don’t look at me like that I don’t have work until 4pm it’s fine

So like most folks in Japan I experienced this episode as part of a three pack bundled with the prologue and Taiga’s episode, which makes up the theatrical SSS Part 1. 

While the theater experience is great, it’s also kinda bizarre since the tone in this episode is drastically different from the other two. After the dinner scene ends there is no basically cheering until the end of this episode. What can we say! I just kinda fall into a prism coma until the Prism One show when I am suddenly like wha... WHAAA OH YEAH knocking my concert lights on the floor trying to quickly grab them in time and all that. 

But not because this episode is bad or anything. Quite the opposite. It’s just....

Mesmerizing.... 

Anyway.

ITS ABOUT FRIKKIN TIME 

Renjishi is a pretty famous Kabuki show, and I think “Two Lions” is an accepted English translation so I don’t know why they didn’t bother to translate it? 

 This translator couldn’t figure out what to do with the “18″ either... I would definitely be confused why there is so much 18 this and that in this episode if I hadn’t looked it up for my own translations. It’s a reference to a certain collection of best kabuki plays.

And if you’re wondering why Yukinojo is the 7th generation while his father is the 3rd.... well... hell if I know, because that actually not a mistranslation. 

*throws hands in the air* If someone can explain it to me let me know.

In the theaters sometimes people will hold up two red lights and break them apart here and I always want to do it but I ALWAYS FORGET AHHH. My brain just isn’t in cheering mode during this episode. 

Also it took me like eight viewings before I noticed there is a continuity error where Shin’s chopsticks fix themselves ahah.

FACE

(Also someone in the livestream pointed out his earrings. Not sure if we have seen Yu with earrings yet.)

One of the many things that makes SSS so amazing is how much it changes the first two movies. Just when you thought you were done with them, all of a sudden you want to watch them all over again to see them in a new light. While the movies largely follow Shin’s perspective, for the first time we finally get to see things through the perspectives of other characters and it just adds layer upon layer upon layer and it’s just.... ahh..... 

THE PRISM

THE ONE SPECIFIC PRISM

The way the translator phrased this I imagine them all worshiping a giant stone in the back somewhere. ALL HAIL.... THE BRILLIANT PRISM....... 

This line is super weird out of context. When I translate King of Prism stuff I put in “prism jump” just to add context when it’s not there. But that’s.... just.... m...eee..............

This is my favorite damn Kakeru line in SSS and he doesn’t even say anything. 

Eeeeyaah... ....

Taiga is amazing in this scene too. BE TRUE TO YOUR EMOTIONS YOU’RE  RUINING DINNER DAMMIT 

I thought when I paused on this scene I’d be able to read some of these posters but not really. Wonder if these are a reference to Yukinojo getting into Japanese rock like he did during the curry event on Prism Rush? Maybe they just wanted to show he has typical teenage boy stuff in his room too. Also, of course, cameo from Andy! 

A translation I actually liked. This is basically exactly what he says ahha... the old men group of Edel Rose (2nd year high schoolers).

For anyone who read my shitty out of context spoilers during the first weekend and thought I was kidding when I said Kakeru almost got murdered by Yukinojo but he kinda deserved it.

I’m still reeling from how fucking real Kakeru gets here...... damn........

Someone in the livestream pointed this out, but we almost never hear Kakeru call Yukinojo “Tachibana” do we?

I jumped an inch in my seat when I saw this at the midnight showing. It was the moment where I was like holy moly we’re not in Kansas anymore and started to realize exactly what we were getting into in SSS. This is a whole new King of Prism. 

When you watch the episodes all strung together in the theater, the first episode runs at the same pace as the movies (in my mind I kinda of think of it as a shorter 3rd movie in itself), so it’s not until you get about here where things first start to slow and deepen and it’s you realize wow.... this really is an anime now..... 

I thought Nikkanen mentioned this superhero on Prism Rush, but he said Yossha-Man haha. Well they are both parodying the same series. (Yattaman/Yattawan?)

I really like Yukinojo’s grandpa. He just has the best old man voice. 

WHOOOOOOSH

This scene is foreshadowed in the first episode of SSS. While Shin is introducing everyone you see Yukinojo’s mother look down at her wrist. 

So it was kind of weird to be like is that gonna be a thing--OH THATS A THING right after haha. The theater experience is great, but these episodes are probably better paced week-to-week like this instead of in odd chunks the way they show them in theaters. 

I think this was foreshadowed in Pride the Hero too isn’t it? (His hairpin shines when he looks at his Mom?)

Perhaps something more shocking happened in the next scene though.

At least to me anyway. 

So ages ago, maybe first movie era, I was reading a profile of Yu in a magazine. Specifically this one:

It mentioned that Yu wears Bell Rose pajamas. 

And I always remembered that. Because hey that’s pretty hilarious. 

YEARS PASS

King of Prism SSS episode 2.

Yukinojo just had a breakdown 

AND THERE’S YU

IN HIS GODDAMN BELL ROSE PAJAMAS

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Seriously my mouth fucking dropped open when I saw this. If only I was at cheering I really would have shrieked and ruined this serious scene ahah.

AND THEN THERES THIS 

This scene just gives me goosebumps everywhere. Yukinojo’s first prism jump. The way Shin screams. AHHHHHHHH--

This scene actually gives me goosebumps too. It’s such a mood. This whole episode is such a mood. 

Kakeru and Yukinojo really have a lot in common. I understand now why they made such good duo partners on Prism Rush. Not only do they both have a lot of weight on their shoulders from their families, but the both inherited it from their mother’s side. Just like Yukinojo’s father married into kabuki, as we learned in Young of Prism it was Kakeru’s father who married into the Juuouin group. Don’t mind my random fact, I just thought it was super interesting.

So. This line kind of confused me a bit. Because I thought a major theme in this episode was about how Yukinojo couldn’t escape his blood. Yukinojo’s mother made that clear.

But then again Yukinojo’s mother also knew his father had this experience where he learned his fate wasn’t controlled by blood at all. 

Maybe that just served for a reason as to why she can see Yukinojo’s soul is in prism shows? I don’t know. 

I’m also really confused by how differently she treats Yukinojo in this scene compared with the flashback. I’m glad she came around, but I feel like we missed something in between. 

I don’t need to say how awesome Yukinojo’s prism show was. It just keeps building more and more tension as it goes on and just ahhhh....

I was really sad the stream froze before you guys found out Yukinojo beat Shin’s score (in sparking). 

Also I feel super dumb because I said something about Yukinojo being only the second male star to do four jumps in a row. I FORGOT ABOUT HIRO

So Louis -> Hiro -> Yukinojo, the first three male stars to successfully do four consecutive jumps. The top male stars by pure skill. 

So this ending.... is NOT the ending we see in the theater. The song and visuals were all new. (Well except for assets reused from the episode well you know what I mean.)

I’m a bit town about this. On the one hand I was REALLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to hearing 366 Love Diary.... But on the other hand it’s cool that they are doing something so special for the TV showing by having different endings every week. And after all, the CD for 366 Love Diary is coming out literally tomorrow.... but....

Okay so clearly I loved this episode but part of me is just really glad it’s over because next week is TAAAIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I cannot fucking wait to share it with you guys. 

(My favorite episode of the show.)

(I don’t even know if I can fit all my thoughts on it in a post how long is the limit on Tumblr srsly)

[ohblackdiamond]

something blue (ace/paul, nc-17)

The ramifications of the glam shit, the femme, androgynous shit, all that was for someone like Gene to analyze. Decide if they really were breaking down the foundations of society and dragging themselves down to a well-deserved hell by putting on heels and blouses. Paul requests drag for his 25th birthday party, and his bandmates deliver.

The ramifications of the glam shit, the femme, androgynous shit, all that was for someone like Gene to analyze. Decide if they really were breaking down the foundations of society and dragging themselves down to a well-deserved hell by putting on heels and blouses. Paul just liked wearing them. Even in junior high and high school, he’d been the lonely kid wearing outlandish outfits, the long-haired kid that people thought might be cool until he opened his mouth. It had taken years—it had taken KISS—before he could halfway manage to pair looking cool with being cool. Feeling cool, well. That was a lost cause.

The other guys ribbed him about it some, his tendency to go over the top with his clothes. It was hard to feel too bothered by it most of the time. Knowing the other three were going to spend the evening’s concert wearing nothing but BDSM gear, same as him, really curtailed the burn of any comments. Plus, for all the teasing, he knew that, ultimately, his bandmates got it, understood it. Would dress up themselves some even when they weren’t onstage.

They’d even been down for dressing in drag for his birthday party today.

So down. Maybe too down. Ace and Gene in particular had committed. He’d watched in their hotel room, not sure whether to be horrified or just amused, as they got out a couple of boxes of waxing strips and promptly deforested their legs. The whining during and afterward had been so minimal Paul wanted to ask if it wasn’t their first time. Meanwhile, Peter had just grabbed the first frock off the thrift store rack that fit him and called it good.

Paul didn’t mind. It was for the hell of it, anyway. Every damn day bled into the next while they were on tour. Even holidays didn’t have a draw to them anymore. Hanukkah got the prerequisite long-distance call to his parents, a litany of “yeah, Mom”’s while Gene stood over him with his hand out, waiting on the phone. Christmas got Peter grumbling around jewelry stores for Lydia and Ace following him around, perkily picking out things for himself and Jeanette both. Peter’s birthday was usually a drug fiasco; Paul’s… well, Paul’s was usually a little boring. The cake, the beer, the roadies. Play for a few thousand people, have a party with less than fifteen in some room backstage at the auditorium. He’d thought drag might liven things up a little. Give them all something to laugh at.

So Paul hadn’t put a whole lot of effort in, himself. He’d shaved his legs, but he hadn’t gotten rid of his five o’clock shadow. The dress was one he’d bought from some trendy boutique, floral print on black with a matching choker, and bell sleeves that weren’t quite enough of a distraction from the wideness of his shoulders. Maybe after the party he’d lob it off to the costume girl and have her cut it down into a top for him. Beyond that, well, he’d gotten a pair of black heels, stuffed a bra one of his groupies had left behind, and been done with it. He hadn’t even bought panties for the occasion, although Gene, in a rare moment of exhibitionism, had flipped up his skirt to show Paul his. Ace had done the same, albeit hesitantly, inching up the hem like he was trying to be coy, only showing one leg and a bony hip and half the underwear. But that brief look was enough. God, Ace had even matched the panties to the powder blue of his dress.

“You didn’t have to go that far, you know.” Even though Ace had dropped the hem after less than half a second, the image was already emblazoned in Paul’s head. The ruffles and lace looked like icing swirls on a tiered cake, no distraction at all from how poorly they contained Ace’s cock and balls. He must’ve been dying in that. A couple million sperm being strangled all for the sake of his party. Paul guessed it might save Ace some paternity lawsuits down the road.

“What kinda girl doesn’t match her underwear to her dress, Paulie?”

“You don’t even match your socks half the time.”

“It’s a special occasion! Hey, you only turn twenty-five once.” Ace said it as if it were something mystical, reaching over to flick Paul right in one breast. The tissues crumpled up inside his bra kept him from feeling anything, but he still rolled his eyes in response. “Thought you would’ve gone a little bigger with your tits there, though. I mean, you stuff your pants pretty good—”

“I do not stuff my pants.”

“Bullshit, I’ve roomed with you.” Ace started cackling, popping open a can of beer and taking a few long gulps before continuing. “You don’t gotta have a complex just ’cause of me and Peter—”

“I don’t! Shit, man.” Paul grabbed another piece of cake and a fork, scraping off the frosting and pushing it into a glob on the plate before scooping it into his mouth. Two sweet swallows of vanilla. Then the chocolate icing up the side from when they’d run out of the white.

“You want the rest of that?” Ace pointed to the bare piece of cake.

“I usually give it to Gene.”

“I’ll eat it. He’s had three already.”

Paul turned his head, catching sight of Gene across the room—he was talking to Lydia, just as casually as if he weren’t in a dress and strappy heels, holding a couple of empty plastic plates. Ace’s eyes followed his, and he snorted, cupping his hands over his forehead like he was a mariner searching for shore. He didn’t put his hands down until Paul looked back at him.

“What do you do that for?”

“Do what?”

“Look for Gene. What’s he gonna do, tell you no?”

“I don’t—”

“Fucking apron strings. You’re even like that in interviews! Shit, how’d he do that to you?”

“Do you want the cake or not?”

“You ain’t his little brother here, Paulie. You don’t need his permission for anything.” The corners of Ace’s mouth tilted up faintly. “Especially not giving away your own birthday cake.”

It wasn’t worth explaining. Ace probably wasn’t drunk yet, but Paul didn’t think he’d understand it even if he were sober. Ace wasn’t the type to admire anyone. But Gene just—had what Paul didn’t. Security. Self-importance. Intellectualism. When he’d first met him, it had pissed him off. When he’d started playing with him, he’d realized just what a boon it was. Ace and Peter could pop off all they wanted, but Paul knew damn well that Gene’s dogged promotion was what had secured their contract with Casablanca. He wasn’t going to forget that just because of KISS’ success. If it made him come off like Gene’s bitch to the other guys, well, that was too bad.

None of that mattered when Ace was still standing there with his hand out, waiting on the cake. Paul shrugged and handed over the plate. Ace didn’t bother with the fork, just took the cake in his hands and shoved it in his mouth. It was gone in two bites at best.

Ace wandered off after that, like a stray dog who’d gotten a couple scraps, leaving Paul alone at the dessert table. Paul didn’t really mind. He chatted with the roadies a bit, posed for a couple pictures beside the mangled cake for Lydia. He asked her if she planned on taking any group shots of the band, and almost started laughing at her shudder.

“Not with the way Peter looks. You can see the bra through his dress.”

“You can see his dick, too!” Ace piped up from a couple feet away. Lydia took a candid of Ace in retaliation, but he just snickered and hiked his skirt, managing a wobbly curtsy before the bulb flashed. Peter had to grab him to keep him from falling forward in the process. So much for thinking the man was still sober.

Paul wasn’t doing much thinking himself. Just watching everyone but him and Gene slowly get wasted. Terribly shy at his own fucking party, hanging around the refreshment table like a girl who’d gone stag to senior prom. The beer and frosting scrapings he’d had weren’t helping his nerves. It wasn’t tonight’s show that was worrying him—the shows never worried him. It wasn’t even his birthday getting to him. Like it could. Twenty-five was nowhere near the downhill slope. He felt great. He was great. He was living his dream. Sure, it’d fall apart eventually, but eventually was a dim speck that only a lonesome night could ever turn into more. As long as someone was with him, whether bandmates or bedmates, anything painful, anything meaningful, could be shifted over to the side like so much cake on his plate.

No, it was petty, what was on his mind now. Pure rockstar excess. It wasn’t that he was upset about the hotel accommodations or the refreshment table or even the way the stars on his outfit didn’t reflect the stage lights as much as he wanted. No, he was upset about losing the silver garter he wore onstage. The most meaningless portion of his costume, the one thing nobody else cared about, and he had the gall to be upset about it. He’d even had the gall to enlist all the roadies that were willing to help in the search earlier today—all they’d found, in any of the hotel rooms, was Ace and Peter’s marijuana stashes (immediately consumed), several condoms, new and used, and some frankly disturbing groupie photos even Gene hadn’t wanted for his album. Paul was half-convinced that Gene had somehow both accidentally and soberly fucked the abominable snowman.

But the garter hadn’t turned up, and he was still ruminating over it as if it were important. He couldn’t explain it. He didn’t know why, but he really—really dug it when people reached up from the front row and snapped that garter. Didn’t matter if it was girls or drunk guys. He tried not to think too hard about what it meant, if he really was half-queer or if he was just so fucking desperate for affection that he’d accept it from anyone, male or female. He wasn’t sure which was worse.

The most pathetic thing about losing the garter was that it didn’t matter at all. Not to anyone but him. He had a couple back-ups at the ready, in case someone snapped the garter off, but it bothered him. He’d rather wear the same garter during the whole tour. Good luck, or maybe just comfortable routine. Maybe because it was tangible evidence of want, like Gene’s Polaroid collection. Something that stuck around long after the night’s groupies were gone. God knew how many fingerprints were on the thing. How much sweat, too.

Whatever. He shook his head, grabbing a Coke this time. He’d enjoy the rest of the party; they’d finish up, then get ready for the concert, back-up garter on, and—

“Ground control to Major Stannnnnley.”

Ace again. No, not just Ace. Peter was there, too, snagging another bottle of beer. And Gene, too, had apparently torn himself away from macking on a roadie’s girlfriend to come on over. It was kind of odd, them all bunched together like they were waiting on something.

“Yeah?”

“We got three hours before the show.”

“I know.”

“Means they’re gonna make us wrap this up soon.”

“Yeah, I know—” Paul paused. That vague feeling of dread was starting to crop up, making his skin prickle. The roadies seemed like they were heading towards the table now, too, none too subtle about it. Aucoin wasn’t looking their way, but he was smiling. Fantastic. Something was about to happen. Probably the guys had all chipped in to get him some obscene gag gift, like a giant dildo or a custom blow-up doll. Paul looked past the gathering crowd, hoping to spot someone carrying a box—with any luck, he could cut them off at the pass—but there was nothing. He cleared his throat. “Hey, you guys sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for me twice already. So what gives?”

“We heard you lost your garter.”

Gene’s face was set in such an impossibly straight line that Paul knew he had to be seconds from cracking up entirely. Paul threw him a suspicious look before answering.

“Yeah? It’s fine. I’ve got some extras—”

“Nah, you don’t need them.”

“Don’t tell me. You bought me a new garter.” Paul rubbed his forehead. “You spent a whole two bucks on me at the lingerie store. I’m so impressed.”

“You think that thing costs two bucks, Paul?” Gene again, his brow furrowed. “It’s custom. There aren’t that many girls with thighs as big as yours.”

“Shut up, Gene.” He could feel his face heating up as he took another survey of the room, staring at everybody in turn, trying to make sure he looked more annoyed than flustered. All right, so it wasn’t in a box, and wasn’t in anybody’s hands. That just left—“Okay, who’s wearing it?”

“Don’t look at me—”

“Peter, c’mon.”

“I swear I don’t have your fucking garter.”

Paul crooked his finger toward him. Peter started laughing.

“I swear to God, Paulie!”

“Up.”

“Y’know, I usually do this to music…” Peter trailed before hiking up his skirt. Each inch exposed just how seriously he’d taken the drag suggestion, coarse leg hair a wince-inducing contrast to the beige maxi dress. Paul cleared his throat once the dress cleared his knees with no garter in sight, but Peter ignored him. He just kept raising that skirt until he got to the goods, the plain Hanes panties that were huge enough to hold his dick in place, though the elastic above it was drooping. The roadies started clapping and snickering, while Peter preened. “You want more and I’ve gotta charge. We got a rate set up yet, Lydia?”

“Keep this up and you might be free,” Lydia muttered.

“Baby—”

“Okay, next,” Paul snapped, looking at Gene. Gene just raised his hands.

“You already got a peek.”

“That was twenty minutes ago.”

“Oh, now, don’t be greedy about it,” Gene said, smooth and enviably cool, as he set down his bottle of Coke and peeled up the skirt of his dress, earning a few more whoops from the crowd. The pleased grin plastered on his face made Paul want to shake him. He stopped mostly-short of the thong he was wearing, Paul regretting the bare glimpse he did get of the damn thing. No garter. Great. So that left the roadies, none of whom were dressed in drag, Aucoin, who saved any residual classlessness for gay bars, and the guy he probably should have suspected first.

“Ace.”

“Paulie.”

Ace was helping himself to another slice of cake. He’d done his makeup, Paul noticed belatedly. Not the greasepaint; just lipstick and mascara, maybe a little blush. It wasn’t heavyhanded. Back when they’d first started, back when they’d all tried for the New York Dolls look, Ace had been the only one who’d pulled it off. He’d looked like Shirley Maclaine—not glamorous, but cute, really cute—while the rest of the band looked like quarterbacks who’d lost a bet. Paul had been so disgusted with his own shots in particular. He could all but feel his own awkwardness emanating through each picture. Knew he’d been trying too hard, him and Gene and Peter, too, while Ace hadn’t been trying at all.

Right now, Ace still looked passably feminine. More than passably. Especially with his hair long, the black dye all but washed out, and the choker hiding his Adam’s apple and the light pink sheen to his lips. It was pretty disturbing, and Ace was only making it worse by staring innocently at Paul, licking a bit of frosting off his lips, taking some of the lipstick with it.

“You’ve got the garter.”

“I don’t, man. I already showed you, too.”

“Show me again.”

Ace didn’t wipe off his mouth before obliging, humming the beginning riff to “Parasite” as he raised the hem of his dress. Carefully. Again. Too carefully. Inching it up like he was revealing the Venus DeMilo to a crowd of perverts. He was getting the exact same view he had before, a view of a smooth leg and just the hint of a blue pair of panties. Paul narrowed his eyes.

“I’m only seeing one leg here.”

“You want all three or what?”

“I want my garter back.”

Ace snickered.

“At your service, sweetheart. Only ’cause it’s your birthday.”

And then he yanked the skirt all the way up. There it was, the silver fabric shimmering just slightly in the dim light. On Ace’s left leg, the one he hadn’t exposed earlier. Up almost to his crotch, the exact position Paul normally had it on himself. Aucoin had told him once no girl would’ve worn it that high, but Paul hadn’t cared—

“You caught me.” Ace was grinning. “Shit, I thought you would’ve figured it out faster! You overthink things, Paulie, you really do—”

“Give it here.”

“Nah. How about you take it off?”

“Ace, don’t be an ass—”

 “Go on. Take it off.” Ace was still holding up the hem of his dress. Dangling it like a clothesline in the wind. “Make me feel pretty.”

 Paul glanced at Gene, half-hating himself for doing it. Gene wasn’t coming to his rescue, anyway, offering just a shrug of his shoulders and a “you heard him.” Peter had stepped closer in to get a better look. Fine. Fine. He wasn’t going to prolong this. Paul headed to Ace and leaned over, reaching for the garter. He hadn’t so much as curled his fingers over the silver elastic before Ace snatched his hand, raising it up.

“Not like that, Paulie. You gotta do it proper.”

“Proper,” Paul repeated dully. Ace blinked, then laughed, letting go of Paul’s hand.

“Ain’t you ever been to a wedding?”

“I went to yours?”

“Aw, fuck, no wonder.” Ace shook his head. “You got teeth, don’t you?”

“Yeah—”

Ace hiked his dress a little higher, exposing himself all the way up to his navel. Paul’s face went crimson.

“Get under there, Paul.”

He could feel all of them staring at him. His bandmates, the handful of roadies, Aucoin. Not even fifteen people there, but it was still like a concert without amps. Just about terrifying. Just about terrifying, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it but bitch or whine or—or get under there.

He sunk to his knees in front of Ace, and felt Ace drop the skirt over his head, where it fell almost to his waist. The thin material was no barrier at all to the sounds of Peter whooping and Gene chuckling. Paul breathed in heavily, feeling his face flush darker and darker. God. God.

He’d tug down the garter and be done with it. Ten seconds at worst.

 Ace’s dick, barely encased in those ruffled panties, wasn’t as unpleasant a counterpoint to the garter as it should’ve been. Distractingly big, even though he was soft right now. Wasn’t even the first time Paul had gotten this close to it. Ace and Peter fooled around all the time in the dressing room, finding it funny as hell to drape their dicks on Paul’s shoulders like a pair of fleshy epaulettes while he was trying to put on his makeup. They did it to Gene, too, only Gene threatened to bite them. Paul would just push them off.

He leaned forward, his nose bumping up against the jut of Ace’s hip on accident. Ace didn’t even move. Every breath was brushing right up against Ace’s skin as his teeth closed around the garter, started to slip it down, slowly, slowly, not wanting to tear the fabric. Halfway down his thigh now.

“Jesus, he’s taking forever.” Peter, grousing as usual.

“Nah, nah, he’s doing fine.” Paul could almost see the lazy smile spreading on Ace’s face. He twitched as Ace felt around, finding the top of his head and patting it through the dress as if he were a dog. “Just being careful, right?”

 Paul’s face felt like an inferno. The garter between his teeth was slightly damp with spit and barely above Ace’s knee. For all that the spandex and leather costumes showed them off, he hadn’t ever noticed just how long Ace’s legs were until now. His mouth was a quarter-inch at best from a thin, pale scar that spanned from Ace’s kneecap to mid-shin. Ace had blamed it on a spaceship crash, but Paul was pretty damn sure one of his car accidents was the real cause. It wasn’t a bad scar, wasn’t even particularly noticeable if he weren’t right up on it.

He didn’t mind. It was a relief to see some kind of blemish on Ace. Something to mar the casual, messy perfection of his playing and the uncomfortable mesh of a too-pretty face and crude mannerisms. Something that made him seem a little less untouchable. Drop him down from that pedestal he only ever reserved for people that were comfortable, that knew who they were, that didn’t ever seem to be anything but perfectly at ease even when they were flat on their backs on the stagefloor.

Paul took a quick inhale. Ace’s hand sunk down against his head again, fingers curling, pushing his hair back blindly through the cloth.

“Good girlie,” he said, out of nowhere. Paul heard Gene laugh somewhere behind him. “What? He is, Gene!”

“I think he likes it down there,” Peter said.

“Aw, ’m not gonna speak for Paul when he’s got his mouth full—"

He didn’t even think about it. Just a burst of awful inspiration, that was all, borne out of the need to shut Ace up, or get him nervy and embarrassed and fumbling the way he was. The way he always was. Awful inspiration that drove him to tug the garter between his teeth, stretching the elastic, and then let it go, watching it snap satisfyingly against Ace’s bare skin.

Ace’s knee twitched, his hand closing in a little tighter against his hair. But that was all. Paul knew that was all because he couldn’t hear anyone’s comments past the general din of the room itself. No one had said anything, so clearly, Ace hadn’t reacted. Still cool and casual as ever. Paul tried it again. No movement this time. Not even that unexpected shifting.

His arms, the lousy things, hanging stiffly by his sides, raised up. He heard an “uh-uh” from Ace, felt him back up just slightly when his hands closed over Ace’s smooth thigh instead of the garter beneath it. Paul’s heart rattled somewhere in his chest as he closed that last space between them and pressed his lips to Ace’s skin.

He felt it then. Ace starting to tilt forward, just a bit. Paul held his leg steady, breath hitching, expecting a curse he didn’t get.

“There you go, girlie… there you go…” If there was any teasing to Ace’s tone, Paul couldn’t hear it. Nothing but encouragement, encouragement that was sending awful spikes of warmth into Paul’s veins. He was trying to embarrass the hell out of him, and Ace was just eating it up. No way. Just no way. Paul’s breath hitched as he pressed another kiss to Ace’s thigh, and another, and another. Hoping for something. A wriggle, an awkward murmur. Something. Ace only coiled his fingers up against his hair through the fabric, up and down, smooth, gentle pets too approving to be believed.

 Paul shut his eyes, licking lightly against Ace’s skin, the faint taste of sweat on his tongue as his hands tightened around Ace’s leg. Finally, Ace was reacting again. Ace’s fingers were grasping at his head, not forcing, just tilting it up and over. Paul let him. He let him even as he realized Ace was turning his face directly towards the panties.

“Jesus, Paul, are you stuck? Should we put a canary under there?”

“He’s good! I told you, he’s just… just being real gentle…” Paul could hear the brief pauses between the words. Ace was testing him. Teasing him. Seeing if he’d go for it. Drawing this out until Paul hit his limit. Counting on Paul’s limit being way before his own, because it always had been. Because Paul would stop short where Ace would plow ahead. Because Paul was tied down to his own insecurities while Ace just didn’t give a damn. Because Paul would get ruffled at all sorts of shit that Ace would just let ride. It wasn’t going to be like that. Not tonight.

Paul’s teeth caught on the edge of Ace’s panties, right up against his hip. They were a lot thinner than the garter. Less resistance as he tugged them down by that single edge, leaving the panties lopsided, leaving Ace to deal with straightening them back out later. He managed to free Ace’s half-hard cock with just his mouth, murmuring against it, offering tentative licks that only got more determined as his hands moved from Ace’s leg to grasp at his hips, clutching them. He’d never done this before. Didn’t have the luxury of being drunk to cover up this insanity. Didn’t have the luxury of being alone with him, either, the crowd a presence the skirt didn’t cover up in the slightest from his senses. But he didn’t care as Ace’s hips bucked slightly against his fingers and his lips curled around his teeth like he’d seen a dozen girls do just this month alone. Paul’s mouth slid open easily, engulfing Ace’s cock inch by inch, spit laving the veiny surface. He heard a sharp inhale of breath, felt one of Ace’s legs start to wobble as he hissed.

“F-fuck, Paulie…” And then Ace’s grip tightened again, tugging him firmly away. Paul mumbled around his cock before letting it go, pressing one more teasing kiss against Ace’s thigh. Ace guided him insistently back towards the garter, Paul obliging, pulling it past his knee, down to his shin before unclasping it with his hands. Ace didn’t let go of his head until the garter was undone and back in his mouth, raising the skirt so Paul could crawl back out to the sound of applause from the guys.

He hadn’t expected Ace’s hand there to pull him up to his feet. Hadn’t expected Ace to be smiling through his hard-on just like he was onstage. But he was.

“Nice work, girlie.” Ace tugged lazily at the garter still in Paul’s mouth. Paul let him have it, against his own better judgment, but Ace only kissed the garter and handed it back, then turned to the group, holding up his arm like he was presenting the new heavyweight champion. “All right! All right, give ’im another hand, yeah!”

They did. Paul looked from one amused, drunken face to the next and couldn’t even feel himself flush. Mr. Sobriety was gulping down the rest of his Coke and shaking his head. Grinning. One of the other roadies came in a bit after, talking about the setup, the stage, and Uriah Heep’s supply of dope, and they all started to filter out. Somebody took what was left of the cake with them, probably bringing it back to the hotel. Paul hung back at first, watching the guys clean up before heading towards the door himself—now that he had the garter back, he might as well go to the dressing room and start getting ready—when Ace draped an arm over his shoulder from behind.

“Hey,” he said. “Hey, Paul.”

“Yeah?”

“You left me hanging, man.” Without even turning to face him, Paul could almost see Ace’s lazy smile. One more step and Paul could feel his hard-on through the dress, brushing against his thigh. Ace hadn’t had the shame to adjust his panties after. “Surprised me, y’know? Thought sure you’d flip out—”

“It’s not—I was only—” Goddamnit. He was actually confronting him about it. Paul forced himself to look Ace in the eyes, feeling his cheeks go warm again as he tried to explain. “I mean, I wanted to—”

“You wanted to?”

“No! It’s just—”  

“S’okay, Paulie. I wanted you to, too.” Ace laughed. “But fuck, man, you gotta make sure everybody’s a little more wasted before you suck a guy off in front of the whole damn crew.”

 “I wasn’t going to,” Paul started, feebly, watching Ace’s hand slide down from his shoulder to cup one tissue-stuffed breast. Squeeze it. Paul was pretty sure he couldn’t feel anything past the padding, but the sharp jolt of want singeing through his insides proved him wrong. “I just wanted to see you squirm.”

“Can’t see anything with that dress on over you.” Ace cackled. “But we got time now, if you really want a good look.”

“Ace—”

“Hell, I’ll return the favor. It’s your birthday, you’ve been a pretty good girl… ain’t knocked up too many chicks this year—”

“It’s January.”

“Exactly. What do you say, Paulie?”

Paul swallowed. His fingers found Ace’s hand, the one still cupping his chest. Tightened around it like he was about to yank Ace’s hand away. He could almost swear he still tasted Ace’s cock in his mouth, the heaviness of him. The way it had all felt for those few minutes, the way everything had stopped mattering except the feel of Ace’s hand on his head and his approving words. Girlie, he’d kept calling him girlie and he should’ve punched him in the nuts for it, concert or no, but he’d liked it, he’d liked it as much as he’d liked every little breathy hitch and every press of skin on skin, the feel of the lacy fabric against his tongue and teeth. Depraved and vulgar and exactly what he wanted.

He raised Ace’s hand up to his lips and started to suck on his forefinger, tongue sliding all the way down to his wedding ring, swiping away the faint traces of cake crumbs and frosting still there. Behind him, Ace stiffened slightly, and Paul glanced back, only to see those dark eyes all dilated, all amused, only to hear three more words.

“All right. C’mon.”

It wasn’t five minutes before Ace had Paul barricading both doors with a couple of tables turned sideways, and it wasn’t six before Ace’s hands were all over Paul, back to playing with his chest at first, then sliding down, squeezing his ass through the dress. Paul grunted—stupidly, he’d expected Ace would just want his hard-on taken care of, and not want any other touching—but he did. That was all right. Paul tilted his head to the side, leaning in to try to kiss Ace’s neck, what little the choker didn’t cover up, but Ace caught him first, lips pushing against his with an urgency he’d never expected. Ace’s lipstick was smearing all over his mouth with each wet kiss, claiming him better than any groupie, leaving him panting as their hips collided, barely able to think past his own insane need.

By the time he dropped to his knees, they were already starting to buckle, the thin stiletto heels somehow seeming like a pair of impossibilities he’d strapped on. He was surprised when Ace sank down to the floor, too, grabbing his arms and tugging Paul on top of him.

It was jarring, looking down at Ace like that. Could’ve almost been convinced he was a chick if his groans and hard-on didn’t give him away. It threw him off, but he dug it, somehow. There was a filthy pleasure there. He was into it, getting into it, cupping Ace’s smooth jaw and touching his lips to Ace’s ear like he was about to whisper something sweet, the way he used to with groupies before they just came with the room. The way he used to with girlfriends before even that term lost its meaning. Kissing him hard, muffling Ace’s grunts with his mouth.

Beneath him, Ace’s hips rocked insistently against his, the thin fabric of the dresses making the friction twice as satisfying, no comparison to the harsh rub of jeans or slacks against each other. Paul wasn’t sure if the spreading wetness against the fabric was his precum or Ace’s or both, and he didn’t care. Ace’s hand grazed Paul’s cheek before sliding back into his mussed curls, tugging through the tangles, the motion too tender to match the needy rutting, whispering against his neck—

“Get down there, Paulie.”

Paul did. He hiked Ace’s dress up before settling between his thighs. He tugged the panties down to his knees, planning to stop there, but a grunt from Ace made him slide them off all the way, the lacy fabric catching briefly on one of Ace’s heels.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ace mumbled, so Paul tossed the panties aside to the floor. From there it was easy enough. Less intimidating now to be anchoring his hands to Ace’s bony hips, to be leaning down, breathing hard through his nose as he started to lap against the full length of Ace’s cock. Almost no teasing—Paul didn’t know how. The chicks were always so overcome by just having him that they never dared.

He got as much of Ace’s dick in his mouth as he could before he started to suck in earnest. Ace’s hand found his head again, no more casual petting but grasps and tugs, urging Paul to start bobbing his head up and down his cock. Paul let him take the lead, trying hard to hum around the throatful, vaguely impressed he hadn’t yet choked. No letting Ace know he hadn’t done this before. No letting him know, but Paul guessed he might’ve known anyway, from the way he kept his hips fairly steady on the floor, the way he never outright yanked Paul by the hair to try and get him to fuck his mouth. Only toward the end did Ace start to get unraveled, really unraveled, grunting, whole body starting to tense and twitch, rejecting the pace he’d set. Paul drank in every response, every curse. Started fondling his balls as he laved attention on his dick, watching the look in Ace’s eyes get more heady and distant and too-close all at once. It sent a thrill through Paul that made his cock ache all the more, watching and feeling him tense up, building toward orgasm, almost there, he knew it, almost—

“Fuck, Paulie. Fuck, girlie, you got it, you got it…” Ace trailed, grip tightening on Paul’s curls. Paul watched Ace’s eyes slide shut, mouth slipping open into a low moan. “Been so good… I’m gonna, I’m gonna,” he warned, seconds before orgasm hit, leaving Paul still hopelessly unprepared. Half his come ended up splattered on Paul’s face. The rest he’d swallowed on accident, barely registering the taste on his tongue.

He raised his head up, almost dazed, lifting his sleeve towards his face. Ace sat up and grabbed it before he could start to wipe himself off, a slow smile easing itself across his face.

“Uh-uh. ’M not gonna let you mess up your birthday dress like that.”

“What, you don’t have a towel—”

“Don’t need one.” Ace’s dress rustled as he shifted to his knees, thighs splayed. He leaned in, resting his hands on Paul’s shoulders. Paul didn’t have time to question him before Ace’s tongue was tracing over the come on his face, licking it up without so much as a shudder. Each lap against his cheeks and nose and forehead tingled, making Paul want to squirm, but he didn’t, Ace pressing into him as he finished up, one hand diving beneath his bra, slipping past the tissues to squeeze each breast in turn.

“You got hard for me, girlie,” Ace said, then laughed. “Well, obviously, but…” and he twisted Paul’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger, chuckling as Paul took a sharp gasp for breath, “right here. ’S nice, ’s real nice… now why don’t you lay back down for me, there, yeah… sweet girlie, good girlie…”

Ace followed him down, dragging a few lazy kisses down the side of Paul’s damp face as he spoke. Paul’s hands were on the hem of his own dress before Ace could get there, tugging it up while Ace was still on top of him. Ace’s eyes glinted in sheer amusement at that, and for a second, Paul faltered, still holding onto the dress, sure that Ace was about to tease or try and deny him or something agonizing like that, but he only grinned.

“I’m getting there! C’mon, have a little faith, yeah?” But he was scooting down, the soft slide of dress against dress nothing short of sinful. He flipped up Paul’s dress the rest of the way, all the way up to just below the bra, exposing his plain black boxers, the fabric straining to hold his erection in place. “Oh, Paulie, that’s not very ladylike…”

“I wasn’t gonna strangle my dick for my own party.”

“Next time, then.” Ace yanked Paul’s boxers all the way down, tossing them aside, nudging Paul’s legs apart with his knee as if he needed to. Paul watched him sink down, watched him kiss and lick at the insides of his thighs, running his fingers against the soft flesh. His heart was racing far before Ace’s mouth met his dick, started to swallow him up, taking him on easily, eagerly. Ace’s hands were roving over his skin, dragging across his thighs and hips and rubbing against his hairy torso. It was bizarre just watching his own chest rise and fall, the contrast between it and the soft fabric and his bare, smooth legs jarring, as jarring as watching Ace work his cock while his dress fanned out underneath him. One of Ace’s legs was up, bent lazily, the strappy leather heel catching the dim fluorescent light—ankle twitching just a little as Ace’s head bobbed up and down his dick, flecks of spit there at the corners of his mouth.

Paul was crying out before long, wordlessly at first, then curses, then, finally, Ace’s name in a loud, ragged plea. Closer. Closer. No holding out, but he wanted something to latch onto, something in all this unreality, all this confusion. His hands clasped at Ace, touching his hair before finding his shoulders instead, rubbing and then clinging against them, nowhere near in time to Ace’s mouth or even his own twitching thrusts inside it. Not enough touch. Not enough to ground him. Paul grunted, shifted beneath Ace, hooking his ankle around Ace’s own, the one on the floor. Ace didn’t move, but Paul could’ve sworn his expression changed, softened, just for a second before Paul’s own vision whirled into a miasma in front of him and he screamed out his own orgasm with one last shudder.

Ace swallowed it all down. Paul just lay there for a few seconds, before letting go of Ace’s shoulders, unlocking his ankle from Ace’s. It almost felt like too much trouble to sit up, but he did, slowly, raising himself up on his forearms, dress starting to shift back down from the movement. Ace tugged it the rest of the way, and then Paul stumbled to his feet, wobbling slightly, breathing nowhere near normal yet.

“Ace,” he said. Ace looked up at him. Paul reached out his hand, tugging Ace up the way he’d done a dozen times or more, on and offstage. The makeup was gone now, swept away by kisses and sweat, the illusion starting to falter. But right now, that didn’t matter. Right now, that didn’t matter a bit. “Thanks, Ace.”

Paul didn’t know how to word it. If to word it. If to dare give voice to all kinds of weird, troublesome shit, and instead, he’d kept holding Ace’s hand. Longer than he should’ve. Squeezing it, even, feeling stupider every moment he did. He could imagine the look on his face right now, sated but wanting, desperately wanting, like that last idiot groupie in the Coop, nothing like the look Ace was giving him back. Couldn’t be. Just couldn’t.

He dropped his hold on Ace’s hand. Ace just smiled and took it again, palm hot against his own.

“Thanks for what, girlie?”

“For… for getting me off.”

“Hey. If you’re good, you get off every time.” Ace lifted Paul’s hand to his mouth, pressed a quick kiss to his wrist. Paul thought he might wink at him, or bow, or make some exaggerated curtsy, but he didn’t. Just let go of his hand. Just leaned in one last time to steal another kiss and another grope. Just that, and that was everything. “Happy birthday, Paulie.”

[kylorenpunk]

Well I challenged @masonjar828 to do this ask meme like 200 years ago and he challenged me back but I’ve been busy so here we are. 

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one. men suck. 199: I was born in: Mickey Mouse’s lair aka Orlando 198: I am really: trying not to make a self deprecating joke rn 197: My cellphone company is: Not being disclosed bc I don’t need stalkers 196: My eye color is: brown 195: My shoe size is: 8. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be taller than I am bc of that shoe size 194: My ring size is: Uh no idea. Maybe 9? 193: My height is: Five foot three inches 192: I am allergic to: A couple of antibiotics but that’s it  191: My 1st car was: 1995 Honda Accord. RIP Goldeen. 190: My 1st job was: Technically I was an assistant for an occupational therapy clinic that paid me under the table. My first paid job was a pool attendant for a hotel.  189: Last book you read: My professor’s shitty textbook.  188: My bed is: currently unmade.  187: My pet: doesn’t exist. Bro is allergic to the entire animal kingdom 186: My best friend: I have multiple and love them all very much  185: My favorite shampoo is: Just recently bought a new shampoo from OGX (coconut curls I think?)  184: Xbox or ps3: xbox 183: Piggy banks are: Not a bad concept. I have upgraded to using mason jars to save money  182: In my pockets: Not wearing pockets atm. Usually I only carry my phone tho 181: On my calendar: Is a bunch of doctor’s appointments 180: Marriage is: Fantastic with the right person 179: Spongebob can: ??? do whatever he wants? idk what op was thinking 178: My mom: is great and shouldn’t have to deal with my shit 177: The last three songs I bought were? I haven’t bought music in over two years. Spotify is my life. 176: Last YouTube video watched: I watch so many a day that I forgot what I last watched.  175: How many cousins do you have? 5 on paternal side. 3 on maternal. But I’m hispanic so it’s def more than immediate family  174: Do you have any siblings? 1 and he’s a pain but I love him 173: Are your parents divorced? nope. fun fact. I used to think divorce was normal as a child and wondered when I would get a second set of parents.  172: Are you taller than your mom? No I’m like 4 inches shorter 171: Do you play an instrument? is mayonnaise an instrument 170: What did you do yesterday? future job training and watched my brother [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: Lust at first sight  168: Luck: kinda 167: Fate: sure 166: Yourself: a lot more than I used to  165: Aliens: why not 164: Heaven: in a way 163: Hell: sure 162: God: the catholic in me says yes 161: Horoscopes: yes and no  160: Soul mates: tough question. 21 year old me would have said yes. 23 me is on the fence. Maybe for other people but I don’t really believe it for myself.  159: Ghosts: I love ghost walks so I hope they’re real 158: Gay Marriage: Of fucking course 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Isn’t this the same as ghosts? 155: Magic: No  [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Either one has it’s benefits 153: Drunk or High: Never been high so I guess drunk  152: Phone or Online: they mean the same thing now 151: Red heads or Black haired: dark hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot  148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends. rn I want vanilla 145: Night or Day: day 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: doesn’t matter. I feel more myself with straight hair tho 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald’s  141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk  140: Mac or PC: pc. Apple is a peice of shit.  139: Flip flops or high heals: heals 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: this is a weird question 137: Coke or Pepsi: depends on whether it’s a can, glass or on ice 136: Hillary or Obama: lol was this made in 2008 135: Burried or cremated: not sure. i wanna say burried tho 134: Singing or Dancing: I’m bad at both 133: Coach or Chanel:  neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target  129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ben stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure. my hands never last 127: East Coast or West Coast: east  126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas bc I can see my family 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags despite the fact that i’ve never been 123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t give a shit about sports [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: dumb 121: George Bush: dumb 120: Gay Marriage: I’m hoping for a day where the LGBTQ+ community is no longer discrimated against 119: The presidential election: dumb 118: Abortion: No woman should be denied a right to abortion  117: MySpace: yeah this was made in 2008 116: Reality TV: dumb 115: Parents: great wonderful  114: Back stabbers: dumb 113: Ebay: useful 112: Facebook: kinda useful 111: Work: a necessity 110: My Neighbors: I don’t talk to them 109: Gas Prices: could be lower 108: Designer Clothes: I don’t care 107: College: a scam but education is worth it 106: Sports: depends on the sport 105: My family: great wonderful 104: The future: idk [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: when I started this thing 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last month 100: Cried in front of someone: Two weeks ago 99: Went to a movie theater: going tonight 98: Took a vacation: three years ago. going soon tho 97: Swam in a pool: I don’t even remember.  96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: a year and a half ago 94: Went to a wedding: a year and a half ago 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: three years ago 91: Broke the law: probs when I was underage drinking 90: Texted: yesterday [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: all of my friends 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: free food and family 87: The last movie I saw: toy story 4 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: starting my career job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: taxes being taken out of my paycheck 84: People call me: Karina, Kari or Rina 83: The most difficult thing to do is: let go of someone in your life 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: cancer 80: The first person i talked to today was: no one. Update my boss just called lol 79: First time you had a crush: 1st grade lmao 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: uh recently I think  76: Right now I am talking to: Romantic? no one Normally? No one lmao  75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m grown but I’m not disclosing my job on here 74: I have/will get a job: already have one 73: Tomorrow: I’m working 72: Today: I’m cleaning 71: Next Summer: No idea 70: Next Weekend: no idea 69: I have these pets: no I don’t 68: The worst sound in the world: styrofoam 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother 66: People that make you happy: family and friends 65: Last time I cried: Thursday 64: My friends are: cool great wonderful 63: My computer is: working 62: My School: I’m graduated 61: My Car: I need to wash today 60: I lose all respect for people who: have no respect 59: The movie I cried at was: toy story 4 58: Your hair color is: brown 57: TV shows you watch: Sabrina, jane the virgin 56: Favorite web site: twitter 55: Your dream vacation: new york 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: wisdom teeth 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare 52: My room is: a mess 51: My favorite celebrity is: chris evans 50: Where would you like to be: on vacation 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: three times. Ironically only one was with someone I actually dated 47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple 46: More guy friends or girl friends: good mixture of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: makeup 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: a few 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not a physical list 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: no disclosing 39: I would like to move to: the smokey mountains 38: I wish I was a professional: MUA [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: lifesaver gummies 36: Vehicle: hondas 35: President: obama 34: State visited: TN 33: Cellphone provider: ATT 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: i can’t choose 30: Actress: cant choose 29: Singer: can’t choose 28: Band: currently little mix 27: Clothing store: rip charolette russe 26: Grocery store: publix is the only acceptable floridian answer 25: TV show: jane the virgin 24: Movie: high school musical 23: Website: twitter 22: Animal: meerkat 21: Theme park: busch gardens 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: soccer  18: Sport to play: none 17: Magazine: n/a 16: Book: eragon 15: Day of the week: friday 14: Beach: n/a 13: Concert attended: hannah montana? 12: Thing to cook: beans 11: Food: rice 10: Restaurant: taco bell 9: Radio station: n/a 8: Yankee candle scent: n/a 7: Perfume: anything fruity 6: Flower: rose? 5: Color: pink or blue 4: Talk show host: ellen 3: Comedian: n/a 2: Dog breed:  black lab 1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  wouldn’t you like to know

[gloirashouldbeworkinonherfa-blog]

Sooo I promised a report

It’s a little late, I’m sorry (and not much of a report but I’m gonna write down what I remember)

 So VIP started about half an hour later than it should have. We waited outside, it was like this.

Vip was already let in through the gates. At the gate we received our special signed Ningen wo Kaburu, special merch item (pic attached) and the laminated vip card thing.

Then we waited. When we were let into the venue at last in groups of 5 for the pics I could already see Diru gazing off into the void as the pictures were being taken. They were all in regular clothes and although my memory is a bit hazy on it most of ‘em at the very least were wearing their shades. I don’t remember much of this, I was intimidated and I didn’t want to look at it all very much.

We were to sit down at a bench in front of them for the photo, Toshiya bowed when I approached. He was very kind during the entire thing.

As for the questions it happened immediately after the photos were finished. Most of us had gathered around the merch stand by then (drawn it out below) and kinda remained in that area. Nora was running around the huge space between us and the band receiving our questions and forwarding them back to them. I asked in Japanese to the band in general since I’m going to Japan in April what kinda food they recommend that isn’t the usual ‘’ramen’’ answer you’d get. Toshiya recommends Gyuudon <3

Although security then told us when the gates open to please not run toward the stage people were still running. Let me tell you, these Japanese fans are some fast motherfuckers.

 All throughout the show in between songs the Kaoru fans would chant his name until senpai finally decided he’d let them chant for long enough and noticed them. At some point the Kaoru and Toshiya fans combined their chants. It was just incredibly bizarre to witness but it was a thing.

 Kyo wore this outfit. His lipstick was all smudged and his eyeshadow was dark. He also wore the snake eye contacts and heels. There was a skirt underneath that shirt thing whatever it is.

Kaoru wore the… black dress thing?? With the white letters and numbers I don’t know how to explain it but it was pretty majestic. Toshiya wore his usual dandy suit type outfit. Shinya had something white? Die wore his Insulated World outfit form what I could tell. My mom noted his eyeshadow was in fact a bright blue (and clashed with his hair in her opinion).

Now here goes for me very vaguely remembering the highlights concert…

 (Setlist: https://www.setlist.fm/setlist/dir-en-grey/2018/o2-live-music-hall-cologne-germany-3b96f468.html ) Kyo sang pretty much all his lines (he had a good day vocally too). Occasionally we would be made to sing along with the usual parts and it was great!

 I don’t remember which song since I wasn’t familiar with the TIW tracks at the time but Toshiya had a solo I think during one of them and it was glorious. Die joined our side twice. Everybody was really active tonight and the crowd was loving it. The Japanese girls in front of me (I was second row) were headbanging like crazy!!

 Something I remember vividly was after Phenomenon Kyo metaphorically slid his belly open and ‘’pulled his intestines out’’ aka the red mic cord veeeery slowly and threw it down on his little crate. He then proceeded to stomp on it, lost his balance, fell off of the crate, recovered fast and stomped on it again furiously.

 As for the blossoming Beelzebub which came after that he placed his mic on the mic stand with the camera attached to it, doing the usual thing throughout the entire song. That’s when I noticed the snake eye contacts. He had his fingers in his mouth at almost all times, if he was not taking them out for a short moment to let long threads of shiny saliva drip down (my mom: that was gross). He was also showing off what I can only guess was a new tattoo. On his untattooed hand on the inside, on his fingers is spelled the word S A V E.

Ranunculus was amazing!! Kyo screamed the osaetsukete ikitekita no ha part, it was very emotional.

 THE IIID EMPIRE was great, very energetic. We all sang along our parts and I really felt we all became one with the band.

 The encore was The Final and you can guess how it went. Kyo held his saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakaseyou for a veeeery long time.

 Uroko was beautiful, guitar solo was very satisfying to hear <3 good job bois!

 Rasetsukoku was phenomenal. I was feeling it very much, my mom was intimidated by all the Chinese characters on the screen.

 After the show Kyo sat down on his crate in exhaustion. Everyone threw picks and water bottles. Kaoru refused to give his towel to the frustration of previously mentioned Kaoru fans. Most members stayed for a pretty long time, I believe Toshiya left last??