#was NOT expecting to be hit right out of the gate with this but im not going to complain

[folklorebyswift]

behind the camera

fake dating & pr relationship with billie eilish

synopsis: Madison Cole is an aspiring actress with every advantage-wealth, connections, and a last name that opens doors in Hollywood. But privilege doesn't guarantee talent or fame, and Madison is eager to prove she's more than just a product of nepotism. When her powerful father orchestrates a PR relationship between her and global pop star Billie Eilish, Madison reluctantly agrees, knowing it could fast-track her rise.

What will spark when the cameras stop rolling?

chapter 1 // chapter 2 // chapter 3 // chapter 4

———————————————————————————

Chapter 5 — possessive

Madison's POV

I don't leave the office right away.

I stand in the hallway against the wall like a kid in time out. Billie and her team disappeared into the elevator 5 minutes ago, but my heart is still pounding like she's breathing down my neck. 

I stare at the newest contact in my phone.

Billie Eilish

I hover my thumb over the message button. But I can't click it.

Because what the fuck am I supposed to say?

"hey great meeting you can't wait to fake kiss in front of millions of your crazy fans"

"sorry i looked like a hungover mess"

"happy 1 day anniversary"

I lean my head back against the wall and slide down.

Dropping my phone in my lap and my head in my hands. 

God, I'm such an idiot. Why did I let her get under my skin like that? This is just a job to her. A press roll out. Good PR. Strategy. She probably forgot my name the second those elevator doors closed. 

Yet, I pick up my phone again. 

She did tell me to text her. She told me I looked hot. She told me she would see me tonight.

I mean that could mean anything right?

She is Billie Eilish after all, she's a flirt. That's what everyone says at least. 

Fuck.

In a random burst of bravery, I click the message button on her contact.

Billie Eilish

Madison

hey, it's maddie just wanted you to have my number  so you didn't think it was spam also i might still be a little hungover sorry you had to witness that,  i promise im normal 99% of the time

I stare at it for at least a minute.

I delete the last line.

Finally–finally–I hit send.

The second it says delivered, I groan to myself.

Was I too dramatic?

Too casual?

Too formal?

Then the three little typing bubbles pop up. 

My heart skips a beat. 

They disappear again. Ugh.

My phone buzzes a minute later. 

Billie Eilish

Madison

hey, it's maddie just wanted you to have my number  so you didn't think it was spamalso i might still be a little hungover

Billie Eilish

haha i knew it lets hang for real no publicist. no contracts. just us 7pm at my place?

Madison

what if i told you someone stole my  identity and that wasn't me earlier?

Billie Eilish

then i would be disappointed i was looking forward to eating  thai food and watching a movie with that girl

Madison

fine im in share your location

I drop my phone on the ground. My heart is hammering out of my chest.

She wants to see me.

By the time I pull up to Billie's house I've already had two mental breakdowns, an emergency outfit change in the backseat, and an internal debate about driving head first into oncoming traffic.

Her house is tucked behind trees and a long driveway. I pull up to the gate and punch in the code she sent me earlier.

I slowly make my way to her house. My stomach in my ass.

When I park I realize I have exactly seven seconds to gather myself as Billie is waving at me from the front door.

Gotta play this cool. Gotta play this cool.

I close my door making my way closer to Billie. She is barefoot, hair up in loose bun, oversized sweatshirt and shorts hanging off her frame.

I hate how hot she looks without even trying.

"Hey," she breathed. "You came." Stepping aside letting me in. 

"You asked," I said shrugging, walking past her. 

I hear the soft click of the door shutting behind me. Her house is warm–lived in. Not at all sterile like you would expect from a massive pop star. She has a candle lit on the mantle, it smells like vanilla and sandalwood. There's a pile of shoes by the door, dog toys all over, a guitar propped up in the corner, and vinyls stacked randomly on a shelf. 

"You hungry?" she asks, walking past me into the kitchen.

I trail after her, trying not to stare as she walks ahead of me. "I could eat."

She grins, opening a paper bag on the counter. "I wasn't sure what you liked so I ordered the entire menu. I decided comfort food was perfect for tonight."

"Comfort food implies I need comforting."

She gives me a soft smile, "do you not?"

I look down at the ground quickly pulling my sweatshirt over my hands and playing with the frayed ends. 

She notices.

She puts her hand over mine, "you don't have to pretend this isn't weird. It is. I know that."

I look into her eyes. They are soft, unspoken words floating within them. 

"Tonight we just hang out, get to know each other a little. Two friends watching a movie and eating as much junk food as possible."

I grin at her, "you're right, just friends."

We eat on the couch, balancing takeout containers on our knees, some cheesy rom-com on in the background. Every now and then, our eyes meet during an a badly written joke, and she'll smirk, or raise an eyebrow, or mouth what the fuck—and I'll laugh too hard, like I've forgotten I've only known her for less than 12 hours. 

At one point we both reach for the last spring roll.

Our fingers brush–she's warm and soft. 

I freeze.

So does she.

Neither of us pull away right away. 

We lock eyes, I clear my throat and pull my hand away looking anything but her.

"Fighting me for food already?" She says teasing.

"You looked feral, I wouldn't dare fight you on it."

She laughs–hard.

"Here," she says breaking the spring roll in half. 

"To our fake dating!" She touches our spring rolls together, tapping it on the able, then takes a bite like its a shot. 

I giggle, eating the spring roll half in one bite. 

"You still nervous?" She says, softer now. 

"A bit," I admit. 

"Good," she says, popping the last of the spring roll in her mouth with a slight smirk on her lips. Acting like she didn't just knock the wind out of me. 

I blink at the screen, pretending to care about the movie like my heart is trying to pound it's way out of my chest. 

Fake relationship, I remind myself.

Publicity stunt. 

Strategic visibility.

This isn't real. 

Get it together Maddie.

Somehow we ate most of the food. I don't even remember eating most of it–mostly dodging Billie's flirty questions, laughing too much, and trying to ignore the fact that our thighs have brushed four times now. 

The movie is almost over now, the guy is about to kiss the girl in one last heroic move so she doesn't move across the country. Billie has both arms spread across the back of the couch. Her hand lazily almost touching my shoulder.

It feels comfortable.

Too comfortable. 

Which is right when my phone starts buzzing.

I ignore it.

Then it buzzes again.

And again.

And again.

Now a fourth time. 

I glance down.

Lucas

Of course it's Lucas.

I never answered his text the other day and I'm sure he wont stop blowing up my phone until I answer.

Now four texts come through.

lucas!! <3

hey are you at home? can we talk? please

Another call.

Billie shifts slightly, glancing at the screen. Her expression doesn't change much—still casual, still cool—but there's a flicker. Barely there. Eyes narrowing for a second before she looks away.

"Persistent," she says lightly with a small chuckle.

I turn my phone off. "Sorry he's just... he's just someone, a friend" 

"Someone?"

"My childhood best friend–Lucas," I say shifting slightly.

"We, um, complicated things recently."

"Complicated how?" She asks, curiosity dripping out of her mouth. 

I pause.

I shift in my seat, clearing my throat.

Then, I admit, "We've been hooking up."

Her eyebrows lift, like she wasn't expecting me to say that.

"But it's not serious," I add quickly. "It was just... kinda happening. Until I didn't get a part I was up for. Then I may or may not have ghosted him."

Billie hums. "So he's blowing up your phone because...?"

I sigh, "because he doesn't know how to handle being ignored"

She doesn't say anything, just watches me.

And then, calmly says, "You sure you don't want to take it?"

"No."

"Positive?"

I meet her gaze. "Yeah."

She nods once, slowly, and settles back into the couch—but there's something off about her now. Like she's pulling just slightly inward. Like the air between us cooled.

After a few quiet moments, she moves again, this time nudging my knee with hers. Her voice is lighter, "Soooo you ghosted a childhood friend-slash-fuck buddy and now you're fake-dating a pop star. That's... quite a life you lead Madison."

I laugh, "hey Hollywood loves a bit of drama don't they?"

She smiles, "I'm just saying if I was him I would be blowing up your phone too."

I raise an eyebrow, "is that the Billie Eilish getting jealous of her fake girlfriend's friend with benefits?"

She leans her head back laughing, "I don't get jealous Maddie."

"Oh is that so?"

She leans in a bit, voice dropping low, "I get possessive." 

My stomach does a back flip.

Before I can recover, her phone buzzes from the other side of the room. She doesn't move.

"Want to get that?" I manage.

She shrugs, eyes still on me. "If it's important, they'll call back."

And then she shifts again, pulling her legs back underneath herself, leaning back against the couch, watching the movie again.

I see the biggest smirk on her lips like she just won something. 

I don't know what game we're playing.

But I'm not sure I care, as long as I get to keep playing it with her.

———————————————————————————

this book is a collab betweem me @/folklorebyswift and my bestie @/daddyb1ll1e on wattpad

new chapters are getting posted to wattpad before they get posted here! make sure to look it up there to read early :)

[halorocks1214]

looked up "lesbian video game characters from 1987" and found an instant win in my book

[image id: A screenshot of a Wikipedia page with the date "1988" on the left with a video game title "Caper in the Castro" to its right. Next to the title are the names of video game characters Tracker McDyke, a lesbian, and Tessy LaFemma, a gay drag queen. end image id.]

[joaosnovia]

hmmm so i lowk want sleepy franco, bc i had a dream abt him last night no joke. let's see. okay. we're on a plane, his like travel director guy? idk what he's called, but he books the wrong ticket so franco has to sit in economy class (horror) and he's all grumpy and tired and his curls are peeking thru his hoodie (HEHE) idk if you wanna make us a fan of him or not, i truly don't care ill read it anyway, and then drumroll please, TURBULENCE, and we hold hands and end up talking and then fall in love mwah

❦ - ‘la concha de mi madre’.

warnings:: cussing.

writers notes:: IM SORRY IF YOU SPEAK SPANISH AND UNDERSTAND THE TITLE 🥀. if you get the reference then you get it but if u don’t then it’s bc he said it on team radio 😔.

tags:: @barcapix @n0vazsq @httpsdana @paucubarsisimp @cherryloveshs ; lmk if u wanna be added

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you’re already exhausted when you get to the gate. the kind of tired that settles behind your eyes and makes everything feel just a little bit blurry. it’s a late flight, barely-full, and you’re silently thanking the universe for that as you scan your boarding pass.

economy. window seat. quiet.

until he walks in.

it’s subtle at first. just a little wave of tension that passes through the gate area like a ripple, the way it always does when someone vaguely famous walks into a space not meant for them. people don’t scream or swarm, but you hear the hushed whispers, the occasional, poorly-hidden phone snap. and then you see him.

franco.

hood up. head down. dragging a carry-on with one hand and a coffee in the other like it might be the only thing keeping him awake.

he looks like he was just pulled out of sleep and shoved into an airport. grey hoodie. black joggers. a duffel slung lazily over one shoulder. and his curls, god, his curls, are peeking out from under the fabric like they’re trying to escape. messy and soft and unfairly pretty.

you try not to stare.

he looks grumpy. not mean, not rude, just tired in the way only someone who was promised comfort but got chaos instead can be. he stops by the flight attendant, glances down at his phone, then mutters something in spanish you don’t catch but feel in your soul. it’s giving: ‘how did i end up here?’

you turn back to your book, pretending you’re not watching him weave down the aisle, scanning seat numbers, getting closer and closer until

he stops. right beside you.

your row.

he double checks his pass. stares at the seat. stares at you. then groans, barely audible, and sinks down into the seat next to yours like it personally offended him.

‘la concha de mi madre… wasn’t supposed to be here,’ he mumbles, more to himself than you.

you don’t say anything at first. you just glance sideways, taking in the way his knees hit the seat in front of him. he’s clearly too tall for this. he exhales sharply through his nose and tilts his head back, letting it thud softly against the wall.

‘rough night?’ you ask gently.

he peeks one eye open.

‘travel guy booked the wrong class. s’posed to be business.’ he sounds like he’s explaining a grave injustice. and honestly, to him, maybe it is.

you bite back a laugh. ‘and now you’re slumming it with the rest of us.’

he looks at you properly now. eyes sharp despite how sleepy he is. ‘you make it sound like i’m gonna die in here.’

‘you might,’ you tease. ‘depends how dramatic you get.’

he cracks a smile, small, sleepy, but real, and pulls his hoodie tighter around him. then it’s quiet again. the kind of quiet that fills a plane before takeoff: muted announcements, seatbelt clicks, the soft shuffle of passengers settling in.

you go back to your book. or try to. it’s hard to focus when an f1 driver is breathing softly beside you, head tilted toward the window, lashes brushing his cheekbones, hands folded loosely over his stomach.

he looks peaceful like that. tired, yes, but soft in a way you didn’t expect. like he’s finally stopped fighting the chaos and just let himself be still.

you’re almost asleep yourself when it happens.

the plane jerks. a sudden lurch. not violent, but sharp enough to pull you from the edge of sleep and snap your heart into alert.

your hand flinches toward the armrest, gripping it tight.

and then another bump, this one stronger. someone across the aisle lets out a small yelp.

your stomach twists.

and then

warm fingers slip over yours.

it’s so casual, so easy, like he’s done this before. his hand is big, firm, grounding. he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even open his eyes, but the pressure of his palm against yours is enough to slow your breath just a little.

‘just turbulence,’ he murmurs, voice low, raspy with sleep. ‘happens all the time.’

you don’t know why you believe him. maybe because he sounds so calm. maybe because your hand fits stupidly well in his. or maybe because, deep down, part of you likes that this stranger, this famous, hoodie-wearing, grumpy stranger, is the one keeping you steady.

when the turbulence fades, you think he’ll pull away.

he doesn’t.

you glance over. his eyes are open now, just barely, looking at your joined hands with an unreadable expression.

‘you don’t have to keep holding it,’ you say quietly.

he shrugs, thumb brushing against your skin. ‘you looked scared.’

you don’t answer. just look away, heart thudding a little too loud in your chest.

after a beat, he shifts in his seat, turning slightly toward you.

‘i’m franco, by the way.’

you blink. not because you didn’t know. but because it feels strange, intimate, for him to offer it like that.

‘y/n,’ you say back, voice softer than before.

he nods once. ‘pretty name.’

you smile, small and a little shy. and for the first time, you notice how close you are. how your knees almost touch. how your fingers are still tangled like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

somewhere over the clouds, in a cramped economy seat beside a boy who was never supposed to be here, something starts.

it’s quiet. unexpected. but it’s there.

and neither of you let go.

you land just after sunrise.

the light filters through the little oval window in soft streaks of gold and peach, brushing over franco’s curls as he stretches beside you with a sleepy groan. his hoodie’s slipped a little down his shoulder, revealing a white t-shirt and a glimpse of collarbone, and you don’t mean to stare, but also, maybe you do.

‘how’d you sleep?’ he asks, voice gravelly and barely awake.

you smile. ‘not much.’

‘same.’

you both sit there for a second, still tangled in the strange bubble that formed somewhere midair. he shifts, glancing down at your hands, still close, not quite touching anymore, but close enough to feel the leftover warmth. his fingers twitch like maybe he wants to reach back.

you beat him to it, brushing your pinky against his.

he looks over, and he’s smiling.

‘you hungry?’ he asks, suddenly casual. like you didn’t just hold hands for three hours in silence. like you didn’t fall asleep with your shoulder brushing his in the middle of the sky.

you blink. ‘what?’

he rubs the back of his neck, curls wild now, sticking out in soft little tufts. ‘there’s this café i always go to when i fly through here. their croissants are insane. i can… show you?’

your heart does something stupid.

‘yeah,’ you say, voice softer than you mean it to be. ‘sure. croissants sound good.’

you gather your things. he waits for you. and as you walk off the plane, into the cool, early morning quiet of the airport, something about it feels like a movie. the way your suitcases roll in sync. the way his hoodie sleeve brushes your arm every few steps. the way people glance over, eyes widening slightly, not because of you, but because of him.

he doesn’t seem to notice. or care. he’s too busy walking beside you like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

‘so,’ you say, just to fill the silence, ‘did your travel guy get fired yet?’

he snorts. ‘he’s on very thin ice.’

you laugh, and he grins, bright and sleepy and a little crooked.

the café is tucked in a quiet corner of the terminal. tiny tables. warm lights. the smell of espresso thick in the air.

he orders two croissants and two coffees like he’s done it a hundred times before.

‘you bring all your turbulence buddies here?’ you tease as you settle into a table by the window.

he smirks. ‘nah. just the brave ones who hold my hand mid-air.’

you roll your eyes, but your cheeks are warm.

the coffee is good. the croissant is better. and the company, well, that’s the best part.

you talk. about little things. stupid things. favorite movies. airport horror stories. he tells you about the time his luggage got sent to a completely different continent. you tell him about the time you missed a flight because you fell asleep at the gate. he laughs, really laughs, and you catch yourself watching the way his face lights up, the way his eyes crinkle, the soft edges of his tired smile.

you’re both halfway through your second coffee when his phone buzzes. he glances at it, then groans.

‘my ride’s here.’

you nod, trying not to look disappointed.

he stands slowly, stretching again, hoodie riding up just a little, and then looks at you like he’s not quite sure what to do.

you break the silence first.

‘it was nice flying with you.’

he huffs a laugh. ‘yeah. it was.’

you expect him to walk away. just wave, say bye, disappear into the crowd.

instead, he hesitates. looks at you like he’s debating something.

then

‘can i see you again?’

you blink. ‘what?’

he runs a hand through his curls. ‘i mean… if you want. i know it was just a weird flight and some turbulence and coffee, but…’ he shrugs, like he can’t quite explain it. ‘i liked this. i liked you.’

your heart stumbles.

‘yeah,’ you say, quiet but sure. ‘i’d like that too.’

he grins. pulls out his phone. you exchange numbers, fingers brushing as he hands it back.

‘don’t ghost me,’ he says, teasing.

you smirk. ‘only if your travel guy doesn’t mess it up again.’

he laughs again, starts to walk backward toward the exit, still facing you.

‘see you soon, turbulence girl.’

and then he’s gone.

but your phone buzzes thirty seconds later.

franco: next time i’m booking us both business class. just saying.

you grin.

yeah. you’ll see him again.

it starts with texts.

a few here and there. late at night. early morning. sleepy updates and little inside jokes. a photo of his breakfast one day. a screenshot of your playlist the next. nothing dramatic. nothing loud.

just a slow, easy kind of beginning.

and then one day, he sends you a message that says:

‘are you free this friday? i owe you dinner. and business class. but we’ll start with dinner.’

you say yes.

and that’s how you end up outside a small restaurant tucked between quiet streets, heart thudding in your chest as you spot him leaning against the wall, hoodie up, curls peeking out just like that first night.

but this time, he looks up and smiles as soon as he sees you.

‘you came,’ he says, stepping forward, pulling the hood down.

‘you asked,’ you reply.

he holds the door open for you, and it’s something about the way he looks at you, like he’s been waiting to see you again since the second you left, that makes your stomach do something ridiculous.

the restaurant is small. warm. dim lighting and quiet music. you sit across from him, nervous at first, picking at the edge of your napkin.

but he’s soft. all soft.

asking how your week was. telling you how training’s been. joking about how he’s still haunted by the flight. and you both laugh, really laugh, like it’s been forever since something felt this easy.

somewhere between dinner and dessert, the conversation shifts.

you’re talking about the places you want to visit. the little corners of the world that live on your bucket list. he’s leaning in, chin resting in his hand, eyes never leaving you.

‘so what you’re saying,’ he murmurs, ‘is that you’d need a travel buddy.’

you raise a brow. ‘you offering?’

he smiles slow. ‘i already know how you handle turbulence.’

you toss a sugar packet at him. he catches it.

and when the night ends, and you’re outside again in the cool air, he walks you to your car without saying much.

just before you open the door, he stops.

‘can i—’ he rubs the back of his neck, like he’s nervous now. ‘i wanna see you again.’

you tilt your head. ‘another flight?’

he chuckles. ‘hopefully without economy class.’

you step closer. your hands graze.

‘i’d like that,’ you say.

and this time, this time when he leans in, it’s not your hands that touch first. it’s his forehead resting lightly against yours. soft, sweet. the kind of almost-kiss that says everything without rushing it.

his voice is barely a whisper.

‘goodnight, y/n.’

and you smile, feeling weightless.

‘goodnight, franco.’

you fall asleep on facetime the first time it happens.

you’re both in bed, screens glowing in the dark, him in a hoodie again, hood up, hair a little messy from running his hand through it too much. you’re curled beneath a blanket, barely lit by your lamp, yawning as he tells you something dumb one of his teammates said in the locker room.

you’re not sure when you drift off, only that when you open your eyes again, the call is still going.

his camera is angled up now, like he fell asleep too. his face half-buried in a pillow, breathing slow. the little rectangle on your screen shows the soft rise and fall of his chest, a peek of his collarbone, the edge of his hoodie slipping down one shoulder.

you watch him for a moment.

just… watch.

something tugs at your heart. soft and sure.

you end the call before your screen dies, and sleep comes easier after that.

the next morning, he texts you:

‘slept better than i have in weeks. you?’

you type:

‘same. weird.’

he sends a photo. his pillow, a bit messy. the corner of his hoodie in the frame.

‘blaming you. don’t leave next time.’

and you want to tell him you won’t. that you’ll stay on the line until the sun rises if that’s what he wants. but you just reply:

‘no promises.’

he calls you that night too.

and the one after that.

the first kiss comes later.

not during a date. not at dinner. not even with music or city lights or anything remotely romantic.

it’s raining.

you weren’t supposed to see him. just dropped by his place to return something, a hoodie you stole without realizing. but he opens the door and grins like he hasn’t seen you in weeks instead of days.

‘you’re wet,’ he says, brushing a hand over your shoulder.

‘yeah, well, the weather’s rude.’

you’re about to hand him the hoodie when he steps back and says, ‘come in. or you’ll catch something.’

and you do.

you sit on the edge of his couch, water dripping from your sleeves. he disappears for a second, returns with a towel and a mug of something warm. tea. maybe. you’re not sure. you’re too busy watching the way his lashes stick together from the rain. the way his hoodie is half-zipped, revealing the curve of his throat.

he crouches in front of you, drying your hands first.

‘you didn’t have to,’ you murmur.

he shrugs. but his hands linger.

‘you’re kind of important,’ he says, soft. like it’s not a big deal.

you look at him. really look.

his curls are damp. his eyes are tired but bright. his thumb is brushing along the back of your hand like he doesn’t want to stop touching you.

and you lean in first.

not much. just a little. but enough.

his breath catches, and he moves with you. quiet. slow. no rush.

his lips find yours like they’ve been waiting.

just the softest pressure. the rain still pattering outside. his hand resting against your jaw, thumb grazing your cheek like you might disappear if he doesn’t hold you right.

when you pull back, he stays close.

forehead to yours.

‘finally,’ he whispers.

and you smile.

epilogue::

he’s already seated when you get there.

hood up. headphones around his neck. hoodie sleeves bunched up on his forearms. curls peeking out messily. the most him he’s ever looked.

you stop in the aisle for a second, grinning.

‘you’re in the window seat?’ you tease.

he peeks up at you with that sleepy half-smile, eyes already warm.

‘wanted to watch the clouds. but i’ll trade if you want it.’

you shake your head and slide into the seat beside him. ‘nah. wanna lean on you.’

he makes a soft sound, half a chuckle, half a breath, and reaches for your hand almost immediately. it’s instinct, at this point. the way his fingers find yours without looking. the way his thumb brushes over your knuckles like he needs to remind himself you’re here. his.

you tuck your bag away, get comfortable, rest your head on his shoulder as the plane starts taxiing.

‘remember our first flight?’ you mumble.

he hums. ‘economy class. tragic.’

you laugh, sleepily. ‘you were grumpy.’

‘you held my hand during turbulence.’

‘you fell in love.’

he turns his head a little, presses his lips to your hair.

‘yeah,’ he says softly. ‘i did.’

you close your eyes, smile against his hoodie.

there’s no rush. no uncertainty. no almosts anymore. just his hand in yours, the hum of the engine, and the quiet thud of your hearts keeping time.

somewhere in the sky, between time zones and cloudlines, he whispers:

‘i’d sit in economy again if it meant meeting you.’

you don’t open your eyes. you just squeeze his hand and whisper back:

‘good thing you don’t have to.’

and he smiles, forehead resting against yours, while the plane lifts into the sky.

[ohthewh0rror]

NOVEMBER.

˚₊ ⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆ ₊˚ prompt — A sneak peak into a random day with your boyfriend.

Pairing: Tom R. x Reader / Matteo R. X Reader / Theo Nott x Reader / Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

TOM R.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, giving yourself one final look over. Finding nothing out of place, you stood there and just stared at your reflection for a minute. Today was always difficult for you, a day you both dreaded and looked forward to. Today was the second Saturday of the month, the day you reserved for visiting your little sister's grave. It’s a tradition you’ve held since she passed away 3 years ago.

For a long time you didn’t tell Tom about what you did, not wanting anyone else there while you grieved, but you finally came clean last week. Tom was someone you were very serious about and it was time he knew, you didn’t invite him, and you doubt he remembered, so you didn’t have any expectations of him going with you.

Still, it hurt a little that he wasn’t there. You knew his job took up a lot of his time, but you were hoping he’d make an excuse to leave for the day and be there for you. Swallowing your disappointment, you apparated to your family cemetery, just outside the gates. As the world came into focus you saw that you weren’t alone. There stood Tom, flowers in hand, waiting outside the gates for you. You walked up to him, tears already threatening to cloud your vision.

“You remembered…” your voice trailed off, biting the inside of your cheek to try and keep your composure. Tom gave you a slight smile, holding his hand out for you to take, “of course I remembered, it’s important to you, so now it’s important to me too.”

Taking his hand, you walked in with him, beginning to tell him about her.

DRACO M.

“Give me my shirt back,” Draco's voice sounded defeated as you held the shirt hostage behind your back. I knew this game wouldn’t last long, Draco was much taller, and though you hated to admit it, faster than you as well. Despite being at a disadvantage you couldn’t help but want to tease him.

Was it really so bad to want your shirtless boyfriend to chase after you? You didn’t think so.

“Y/N…” there was a warning in the way he said your name. A warning that you were in for it if you didn’t return his shirt. But, instead of scaring you, his voice sent a thrill up your spine. Your heart raced as you bit your lip, anticipating what was in store for you. You shook your head no, and took a slow step back.

Draco stared at you for a beat before rushing towards you. A high-pitched squeal left you as you turned, bolting towards the door. You’d only made it two feet out the door of his dorm when Draco’s arms wrapped around your waist, flinging you over his shoulder. “N-no! Put me down!” You exclaimed through hysterical laughter, fist hitting his back.

“You had your chance to do the right thing,” Draco told you, walking back into his dorm, the door slamming shut and locking behind the two of you.

MATTHEO R.

Mattheo wasn’t sure what to say to you that wouldn’t further piss you off. He knew you didn’t like when he let his jealousy cause issues, especially on nights that were supposed to be for going out and having a good time. But, when he returned with your drinks and saw a nameless wizard flirting with you, all he felt was the flames of red-hot anger sizzling away any rational thoughts he had.

Mattheo kept his cool as walked up to the two of you. He could tell the wizard was annoyed by his interruption, but the man didn’t say anything to him. Mattheo set your drink down in front of you before placing a chaste kiss on your lips. Mattheo could see you about to say something as soon as he pulled away, but before you got the chance to try and ease Mattheo’s anger, he had picked his own drink up, throwing it in the man’s face.

Tightening his grip on the heavy glass mug, while the man was temporarily blinded by alcohol, Mattheo swung and hit the man in the face. The man cried, falling back onto his ass, grabbing his face. Immediately, Mattheo was on top of the man, mug gone, settling on hitting him with his fist. Mattheo heard you yelling for him to stop, before he felt a spell hit his shoulder, knocking him off the man.

Now, after being kicked out and forced to calm down, Mattheo busied himself kicking rocks as you two walked to an apparation point. “Why did you have to do that, Mattheo?!” You sounded pissed, but at least you were talking to him now. “Because he had the audacity to flirt with my wife!” Mattheo exclaimed, trying to defend himself. You stopped, a look of disbelief on your face, “mattheo…really? We aren’t even married.”

“Yet.” Mattheo mumbled, not being able to bring himself to look at you, instead busing himself with pebbles again. You scoffed, walking off, leaving behind.

“Y/N! Wait!”

THEO N.

Theo was a big baby when he was sick. He didn’t get sick often, but you truly hated when it did happen. He was clingy and whiny, wanting all your attention. Which is how you ended up in bed with a sick Theo.

There was no doubt you were going to be sick tomorrow, Theo’s long limbs entangled with yours under the sheets. His head, clammy and hot to the touch resting on your chest, as you played with his soft brown hair. You felt bad as you heard his chest rattling with every breath. “Do you need anything?” You asked him, your voice barely above a whisper. Theo looked at you, chin resting on your chest, “can I have a kiss?”.

It took everything in you not to laugh in his face. That’s really what he wanted? No potion, no water, no soup, but instead a kiss? This man was something else. “Baby, I don’t want to get sick myself,” you told him. Though, you both knew that you were already doomed. Theo laid his head back down on your chest, but his head craned backwards, his lips puckered.

Tapping his puckered lips, teasing you, he waited for you to plant a kiss on him. You let out a laugh in disbelief, but gave in, giving him peck. Content, he cuddled back into you, falling asleep.

He’s lucky you love him.

[joeloverture]

tlou & enjoyment vs. conscious enjoyment

im currently in the deepest throes of finals season and looking down having to travel for two back to back residencies so ive been highkey spaced out on here, popping in and out at my own leisure. but im showing up to add to the conversation. reminder that ive studied all of these concepts at the collegiate level for years, have experience running workshops for poc, etc. i know what im saying. blah blah blah im vetty im mexican chilean / nahua & mayan

i do not fault anyone for enjoying tlou. in fact, i encourage them to. it’s one of the most popular medias of the time with a hit hbo show and it’s one of the most successful playstation games of all time. tlou is simply something that is meant to be enjoyed. this is good! finding comfort in these times is important for all of us. but simultaneously, we need to be aware of where this comfort comes from; i.e. is it at the expense of someone else’s discomfort? consuming any storytelling is an act that cannot be apolitical. everything about writing, art, and television is political from a story’s inception to its delivery.

these critiques about tlou are not new! they’ve existed for years. many call into question in the first game the deaths of poc as an engine that powers the white characters’ stories. this is a problem that persists into the second game and the second season. tlou is also inextricable from the zionist mindset of its creator neil druckmann. once you look for these things as an audience member in a critical way, they begin to pop up everywhere.

for example, martyr’s gate. in abbys part you come across a setup where seraphites leave written prayers to their martyred leader. if the player interacts with the environment in a specific way, abby picks up one of the letters that asks for the fighting to stop. she says, offhandedly, “easy. stay on your fucking island.” this is colonizer mindset turned to the highest degree. when layered with the themes of martyring and idealism that neil is clearly critiquing, this is just one example of horrific worldviews that have wedged their way into the storyline. she also announces to her friends that killing children seraphites is acceptable and necessary if they attack first. remind you of anything?

i’ve made a separate post about show joels death, which can be found in my pinned. poc trauma is especially prevalent with abbys character: her entire storyline centers white saviorism. her past sins can be forgiven because she saves two asian kids from their evil religion, whose trauma directly propels the plot. (yaras amputation, lev killing his mom, yaras death). the game never actually considers abby’s past actions. she changes in the course of about two days and we are expected to see this as a well rounded character arc as if she wasn’t the right hand woman of someone who yall watched brutally torture someone on live television last sunday. ive also heard a sound bite from the show: “i don’t care if they’re women kids or fucking babies look what they did! kill them all!” manny — a full blown stereotype of mexican culture — has his eye shot out by tommy. tommy later loses his eye to show consequences. neils pivotal ideology of “an eye for an eye”

and that’s just in abbys part. in ellies part, she tortures and then kills nora. jesse dies at abbys hand.

if i can write 3 entire paragraphs without even scratching the surface of the games intrinsic, racist properties, there’s a problem.

the issue is not engaging with this media. the issue lies in how it is consumed, and how it is addressed in internet spaces. this is not a dogshit take. the torture porn and racism is EMBEDDED into the plot. there is not a tlou without it. this is undeniable. attempting to deny it is to make attempts to save your own skin in lieu of poc begging you to experience this content with some level of consciousness about its origins.

it hurts to see the people we poc share this platform with brushing over our trauma and using it as fodder for their fanfiction and entertainment. it just does. especially when the vast majority of all of us have experienced this trauma firsthand or generationally to a degree that most white people have been lucky enough to be spared from.

denying that tlou is racist is simply a racist take. interacting with tlou is not something that is inherently racist in and of itself. this seems to be where the mix up has occurred. the mix up has also occurred on our end; for thinking that our experiences would be empathized with. or that certain members of the fandom would move forward with a larger degree of awareness. we know better than to think we’ll be taken seriously these days.

ive seen arguments like: the actors knew what they were getting themselves into! other poc disagree with you!

1- acting is an industry. many of the tlou hiring stories happened quickly without the specifics of the storyline being shared. pedro had the first 3 scripts and confirmation that he’d die; likely not HOW he would die.

2- poc are not a monolith. we can also be racist. we can also partake in racist ideology. we can also have differing views on this. i think most of us agree, though, that neil is a piece of shit whose perspective inundates the game.

that’s my piece. im missing some stuff but i typed this on my phone between finals. so 🐛

poc you will always be safe on my blog and with me. we can enjoy parts of tlou while disgracing other parts of it.

[warriorheart13-blog]

One Piece Benn Beckman x Reader: Reluctant Heroes

I love this man sometimes. He makes me weak for him

------------------------

Day by day

We have lost our edge

Don't you know?

Forgotten is the life we led

Benn Beckman was an enigmatic man. His face never showed a hint of fear or pain. It seemed like he was a stone wall, keeping his emotions locked up tight.

That was until he met you.

You slowly broke his walls that sealed away his heart and emotions.

Now it seems

You don't care what the risk is

The peaceful times have made us blind

Being the first mate of one of the strongest Emperors of the Sea didn't mean he was protected from the risks, although they were much lower. Beckman found the one thing he had been plagued by was his overwhelming affection and desire to make you his.

His protective nature when men got too close was always on guard. Keeping a watchful eye.

But sometimes, that watchful eye couldn't always be alert. And the worst had happened.

It was like a nightmare

It's painful for me

Because nobody wants to die too fast

It was during a skirmish with some pirate crew who thought they could take down Shanks. They were incredibly wrong, but they were very cunning.

They took you hostage, a sharp blade pressed against your throat. You struggled a bit before their captain yelled at you to stop moving.

Beckman was tense, gun aimed. Then he noticed it. Something that wasn't there before.

His hands were not steady. They shook with anxiousness and fear. This did not bode well for him.

Remember the day of grief

Now it's strange for me

I could see your face

I could hear your voice

Shanks had gotten you out of the situation, and Hongo had wrapped your neck up and kept you in the infirmary for observations overnight. In all the confusion, you didn't see the man with scars and silver locks.

Beckman had been fighting an intense battle with himself. He had never lost his edge like that. He never let his emotions get the better of him.

He could feel old fears resurfacing as he placed another cigarette between his lips. He was not getting any sleep tonight.

Can't look back

They will not come back

Can't be afraid

It's time after time

You snuck out to the deck, needing the cool air. The moonlight was beautiful, causing you to laugh softly to yourself.

You hummed a soft lullaby. One you knew from home.

Beck heard it from his room. The notes hit his eardrums in a soothing manner.

Then it hit him. He was in love with you. And he now realized he wasn't ready to lose you.

Once again

I'm hiding in my room

The peaceful times have made us blind

You knocked at Beckmans door gently. You knew something had been plaguing him since the fight.

He opened the door, only to widen his eyes at your form. You shivered from a breeze. He motioned for you to come in, closing the door after you entered.

"Darlin, Hongo will kill you if he finds out you snuck out of the med bay. But is there somethin' on your mind?" He said gently.

You sat on his bed, wrapping yourself in the worn comforter. The scent of faded cigarettes, aftershave, and the ocean reached your nose. "Yeah... you."

Beckman paused. He wasn't expecting that.

"Me? Im flattered doll. But im not worth being in that pretty mind of yours." He said, sitting next to you

So you can't fly if you never try

You told me, oh, long ago

But you left the wall

Out side the gate

So more than ever, It's real

"Something is bothering you Becks. You aren't your usual self..."

Benn let out a soft sigh. "Yer right. There's something bothering me...and its you. Im in love with you. So much so that i can even concentrate or focus. So much that i fear my past will come and swallow you whole. Im not someone worth being with (y/n)..." his gaze wandered around the room, not dare facing you.

"Benn Beckman, you are always worth it. Im in love with you, too. You are a constant in my life that i dont want to change." You said softly, gently placing a hand on his stubbly cheek.

He leaned into your touch. "Darlin (y/n), you have no idea what you do to me...the things i want to do to you..." he said in a low tone.

"Then how about we start with a kiss?"

"I think i can handle that." He leaned down, capturing your lips. The kiss was patient and sweet yet needy. He had been dreaming of this moment.

You pulled away as you both needed air. He looked at you with soft adoration in his eyes.

"Come on. Let's get you back to the med bay. I'll stay with you to protect you."

You giggled softly. "My Reluctant Hero..."

Song for the reluctant heroes

Oh give me your strength

Our life is so short

Song for the reluctant heroes

I wanna be brave like you

From my heart

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 181 spoilers and thoughts that are like. imagine a cat twirling around yeah that plus more below the cut

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OK SO THIS EP WAS THE WRAP UP EP OF THE ARC not the last one,,, i was worried we'd be in the thick of it but it's okay we're not there yet,,, we'll just be in the thick of it in the FOLLOWING episode LMFAO

but yeah a lot of wrapping up in this ep,,, closing loose ends,,, methinks we are in the endgame,,,

i'm SO happy that the venetos got a happy ending. it's really sweet that the chief has a better relationship w his family,,, none of that verbal abuse or anything anymore,,, so sweet look at them,,,

if more time was spent on this arc it would have been nice to see that gradual change and realization that he's been treating them poorly, but seeing as we're hitting endgame stuff it makes sense that this buffer arc was a shorter sweet redemption,,, it was nice,,, i ended up happy about it in the end nodding emoji

ALSO THE BRIEF MEMORY OF SUHO AS A KID WITH HIS PARENTS. SSTOPPP OH MY GOD he misses them ,,, ohhh his expression here,,, that's longing,,, ohhhh my god

but then he thinks of arcos and marbella as his mother and father now and,,, ahhhh he acknowledges it's like he got a second chance :') OHHHH SUHOOOO AAAHHHH i love that he truly calls them mother and father now, ever since he realized how much they support him regardless of who he really is,,, this ep was on his birthday weekend so that took me out ALKJDFLDSFHA i was losing my mind,,,, your gift suho is the reassurance that they will have peace,,,

ALSO THEY FINALLY TURNED OFF THE HELL GATE HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT THEY FORGOT ABOUT IT HAHAHA it's good too that the tbone ice tornado creature thing got put to use,,, i was wondering where thatd go

we got some really good panels of javier this week too ,,,, one of which i will show later at the end but oh my god look at how fond he looks. knowing now that kim suho is listed on javier's likes,,,,,, HELLO,,,,,

as for the demon king blessing,,, i had expected lloyd to use it on javier at first, but i guess it's not needed yet since it isn't like there's any gods or demons to kill on frontera estate,,, probably gonna keep it saved for if they r facing something crazy (like idk god or helkaros or whatever place is Above the angels. the system? idk) either way apmplifying artanis' range and prediction time is good,,, that's smart,,,!!!

SHE'S ALSO SO COOL W THE BLESSING her eye,,, holy wow,,, AND HOW HER CLOTHES ARE JUST. REPRESENTATION OF HER SCALES IG IDK HOW DRACONIC SHE ACTUALLY IS BUT I LOVE IT SM,,,

no bc the moment i saw the panel on the right i immediately imagined that marcille clip where she reacts in the EN dub as "WOAH HEY!" that was me when i got to that panel LMFAOOO

it's an even more effective security camera countermereasure,,, but it doesnt solve the problem,,, cause even if she spots it what will they do? fate is coming,,, which makes the last scene of this ep very very exciting,,, it makes sense,,, the calm before the storm is wrapping up

ADN THEN THE LAST SCENE BEFORE THE END OF HTE EP. JAVIER HE OH MY GODso so soft,,, so soft.

"artanis is making me jealous,,, just say the word and i'll fight fate, do anything for you" JAVIERRRR JAVIER OHHH I KNOW WHATR YOU ARE. again oh my god bc of the kim suho being on his likes thing this just feels so so real. he loves suho for reals. he's willing to do anything,,, fellas is it gay to tell the person you've traveled with for years that you'll fight fate for them at their beck and call. /lh

and the "dont worry! i won't hesitate to" IM SO

god they make me sick. the duo ever

AND THEN THE LONG AWAITED ENDING SPOILER,,, IS COMING,,, i really like how determined he looks here. that makes me scared tho that this ending spoiler is gonna be extremely devastating . it's okay i can brace myself <- liar

it makes sense too that we've hit this point... most if not everything is resolved / has been handled,,, so this is similar to the last time that suho realized everything is covered. so now it's time to see if their future has changed,,,

oh GOD i wonder what we'll see,,, gghhh i dont think im ready,,, what if the storm hits hard? i won't survive,,,, my mutuals have been posting ominous things and like idek what to believe HAHAHA

this was a very nice wrap up of loose ends tho, a mini arc of sorts to give us time to chill,,, i liked this,,, the start of arc was rough at first but yeah honestly with the end of this arc, it makes sense tto me; we just got out of a tense situation regarding lloyd's heart,,,,, so i really appreciate this little breather between that and the ending spoiler,,,

that's all i got rn,,, i will absolutely see y'all in the morning when 182 drops. i probably won't be normal but it's okay. i can handle it <- cannot handle it,,, see u then,,,, wave emoji

[dirtybitfic]

HALLOWSEVE

matt sturniolo fanfiction

contains ~ mask kink, party, drinking, smoking,running (you'll see what I mean), choking , slapping, (Nick names like ma baby slut and sir)SMUTTTTT

y/n pov~

I was getting ready to go to this party in a graveyard tonight.

you may be thinking why the actual fuck is someone throwing a party in a graveyard. Buuuuut that's a very normal in the small town I live in . Everybody's parents are either always home or they'll snitch if someone has a party without their parents knowing so we have all our partys in the graveyard.

the grave yard is on the west side of town which is the more rugged part most of the super hot bad boys with tattoos like on that side of town. my side of town is the more "proper" side . My parents expect me to get a's and b's always have a clean room and never do anything that will look bad and bring shame to their name.

I HATE MY FUCKING PARENTS like im just a girl who wants to go out have fun and make bad decisions from time to time so when hallows eve rolls around I get EXTRA fucking excited for the weekend.

This year im dressing chuckys bride Tiffani. I think the movies are a good laugh and I just love the makeup for it so it was an easy choice.

This is the entire outfit .

I had already put my dress on and decided to do some fake blood to spice up the look for some reason I feel really hot covered in blood.

I based my makeup on this look but just kept my normal eyebrows and drew them in black and shaped them a little thinner. I decided it was time to get my wig on.

My best friend Lena just got here so I went down to let her in and damn she looks so hot .

HEY BIIITCH

HEYYY YOU LOOK SO FUCKING HOT

YOU TOO ALL COVERED IN BLOOD AND SHIT

YOU DONT THINK ITS TOO MUCH

NO GIRL IT MAKES YOUR LOOK 10 TIMES HOTTER

OKAY GOOD LET ME GET MY STOCKINGS AND BOOTS ON THEN WE CAN START WALKING TO THE PART OKAY.

alright I'll wait in the living room.

okay ill just be a second

I went and threw on my stocking and boots and grabbed my pen and put it in my pocket in my jacket along with my phone.

Okay lets get going

we started walking and surprisingly the boots are easy and confortahbe to walk in so far . the walk is about 20 minutes.

we would drive but lena totaled her car last moth and since my parents are always gone on business trips they told me they didn't feel like buying me a car said it waisted their money. sooo yeah I don't have a car due to my parents greed. lovely right .

girl I can't wait to see the westside guys tonight.

same bitch same I need to see some men who actually have a personality and are hot all the guys on our side of town are boring

no for real they are bland and can't fuck for shit

I just know half these west side boys are crazy in bed

I bet they are dominant too

oooh bitch and if I see a man in a mask im jumping on his plain and simple

realest shit I've heard in weeks and trust girl if I see a man covered in tattoos with lights eyes and light hair he's mine plain and simple

you know I've always wanted to be fucked in a grave yard and chase through one and oh my god imagine a man dragging you into the crypts fuck that would be the best night of my life

fuckkk bitch that actually sounds like the actual hottest thing ever.

RIGHT LIKE DRAG ME DOWN THOSE STAIRS IN THE DARK AS I KICK AND SCREAM IN FEAR AS YOU DRAG ME BY MY HAIR AND THROW ME ON THE GROUND AS FUCK ME LIKE A SLUTTTT

damn girl you really need some dick tonight cause wow that was a lot

buuuuut I agree

hahah yeahhh that's if I can find a man worth my time you know im picky

yeah I know but hey I have a feeling this hallows eve is gonna be a good one

I fucking hope so

we start to get closer to the graveyard and start to hear faint music as we got closer

we got to the gates and saw a shit tone of people in the further back of the yard drinking and dancing the music was a lot louder now as we walked through the gates and over around the people who were dancing.

I pulled out my pen and took a couple hits handing it to lena to take a couple hits.

hey y/n I hear behind me I turn around to see its a guy from my chemistry class I don't remember his name and honestly I don't care to try .

umm hi

you look really hot I almost didn't recognize you

oh yeah what gave it away

your ass I could spot it from a mile away

oh how nice well if you'll excuse me i'm gonna go get a drink

oh um yeah okay we'll see you in class monday

mmhm yeah bye

I hate men like what the fuck you could have said my eyes or my hands or anything else but my fucking ass but noooo

I was walking over to the coolers the I spotted a tall man holding a ghost face mask in his hand talking to some other super hot guys .

they looked a bit older maybe early 20s but fuck me the one holding the mask is so hot i'm drooling . I bent over to grab a drink and he turned around looking at something deeper in the woods I followed his direction and saw a crypt slowly peep out of the shadows.

it looked so ominous and creepy which excited me but I looked back at him to find him starting at me .

I took a deep breathe as we made deep eye contact he started smirking at me and then made his way over to me I just stood here maintaining eye contact as a small smile crept onto my face.

I know I said I was picky but fuck the man is everything I want and more he's tall, blue eyes dark hair , a sexy ass smirk, and is covered in tattoos. He has a lure to him and im determined to find out what it is .

as he stands infant of me I have to look up to meet his gaze .

god his face looks like it was carved from the gods his jaw is so sharp and his cheekbones are so sculpted along with his very dead boy eye that drive me up a wall.

what's your name beautiful

I almost folded right then and there his voice is deep and demanding it send sock waves straight to my pussy.

y/n

it nice to meet you y/n

its nice to meet you too uuuh

matt

Matt its nice to meet you

so you in high school y/n

yep im a senior

nice nice so your like what 18

im a actually 19 I uh failed first grade

hmmm interesting

why is that interesting

it thought girls like you never failed anything so poised and perfect all the time

yeah well I guess it'll come as a shock to you im far from perfect and poised

oh really he says with a smirk

yep sure is

okay then what's the craziest thing you've done

I broke into my ex boyfriends house and smashed his car to pieces when I found out he was cheating on me

damn fiesty, I like that

yeah he messed with the wrong fucking bitch. most people think im little miss perfect when im actually just a psychotic mess

a very sexy psychotic mess

oh really

yeah princess this might come a shock but I don't normally talk to girls at these parties but there's something about you I just couldn't resist

as long as you don't say it was my ass well be good

why would I say it was your ass

ah some loser form one of my classes said the only reason he could tell I was me tonight was my ass because he could pick it out of a crowd pretty much

well that's objectifying

right like ew I mean yeah I know my ass is nice I mean I guess but why did he think that would make me like him

cause hes a little fucking high school boy

oh yeah so im guessing your not in high school anymore

nope graduated 2 years ago im 20

god I can't wait to be out of that hell whole and leave this town

yeah I get that small towns are meant for everyone

yeah its definitely not the place I wanna be living fir the rest of my life

same ... hey you wanna go for a walk go check out the crypts

id love too

he grabs my hand as we start walking further in the the grave yard I look back and see lena talking to one of his friends who I know is her type so she won't be missing me and I sure won't be missing her with Matt right next to me.

so you ever gonna it mask on matt

why do you want me too

maybe maybe not

I will later youll see

well that was kinda creepy wait your not taking me out her to murder me are you

no id never kill someone so beautiful it would be such a waste

I just looked up at him smiling at this point we already passed the first crypt he had been eyeing earlier and were so far form he party the music is no longer in ear shot.

the only sound is the leaves crunching under our feet and the cicadas its slightly creepy but it also has me becoming a bit turned on .

I sigh as I see flashes of Matt chasing me in his mask and dragging me into a crypt and fucking my brains out

what is that pretty little mind of yours thinking right now princess

what oh uhhh nothing nothing

that sigh didn't sound like nothing

okay fine I was just thinking about a fantasy ive always had about this grave yard and the crypts

okay explain he says as we come to a stop and he sits down on one of the raised graves. I go to sit next to him but he pulls me onto his lap.my breathe hitches as the sudden contact of my ass on his lap but I just stare off ahead of us at the willow trees surrounding the wooded areas.

I feel his breathe on my neck

tell me this fantasy ma

the nick name has me becoming wet its so hot

well its starts off with me being chased through the graves and the woods to the biggest crypt and the guy chasing me catches me and drags me down the stairs of the crypt and throws me to the floor fucking me as he calls me his dirty little slut amongst other things.

wow very detailed how long have you had this fantasy

since I was 16

hmm have you ever told anyone else about this before

yeah one of my ex boyfriends . I told him before we were coming to a party here seeing if he would make it a reality and he stopped the car told me to get out and walk and said I was mentally ill and disgusting and broke up with me.

what a pussy I mean a guy like me would have jumped at the chance for a girl to even have a fantasy remotely like that.

what do you mean a guy like you

a dominant man who isn't scared of a little fun and games

mmmm I moan as I shift on his lap

are you a submissive type of girl y/n

ye-yeah I guess

you like when a man takes control tells you how much of a slut you are as he makes you shake and cry underneath him hmm

oh fuck im so turned on right now I dotnt even know how to react

ohh yeah I bet you do . you like when a guy smacks you ass so hard it leaves a mark or when a guy slaps you across the face so hard you head snaps to the opposite side.

mmm yeah I-i d-do

someones a little turned on . aren't you ma

mmm was all I could get out a small moan answering his question

he slaps my thigh hard causing me to gasp.

answer me when I ask you a fucking question

ye-yes im sorry

im sorry what

im sorry sir

mmm good girl now stand up

what w-why

because I fucking told you too now stand up

I stood up and turned sound to face him I kept my head down as he stood tall and slim infant of me . I saw his hand holding the mask move up and I followed his movements he held the mask next to face smirking.

you got a mask kink ma?

wh-what I -

don't even think about lying to me right now

I sighed looking down yes I whispered

what was that im sorry I couldn't hear you

I said yes

drop the attitude

yes sir

good girl he says as he slips the mask on making my stomach flutter and a gush of arousal soak my underwear

now im gonna give you a head start

wh- a head start for w-what

your fantasy ma you better start running

b-but im in heels what if I--

1...2...

I turn and start sprinting the best I can in these fucking boots. I can't believe this is actually happening right now the hottest guy i've ever seen is making my fantasy a reality. He had no hesitation and I know for damn sure he is gonna fulfill my needs just the way he carries himself tells me he knows how to make a girl feel good .

I start to run out of momentum I turn to see him coming in hot behind me as he runs into me grabbing me from behind causing me to scream from the impact.

caught ya

mm seems like it what a shame im breathing hard from running so far

he throws me over his shoulder causing me to let a small laugh out

get all your laughs out now ma cause i'll have you doing nothing but screaming in a second .

all I did was moan at the thought. He gave my ass a hard slap causing me to moan into his back

he came to a stop and set me down I turned to see why he stopped and was met with a large stone entry way with a door at the end.

wow

yeah creepy right

yeah but also beautiful

come on ma time to get you screaming my name

oh fuck I said as he grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the door

he kicked the door open easily and started ascending the stairs I stumbled into his back causing him to yank me infant of him as he held me by the hair .

mm ow matt

keep fucking walking your fine

its so da-dark

what you scared of the dark or something

k-kinda y-yeah

aww cute

I heard the flick of a lighter and then there was light shining down the stairs I guess there was a torch on the wall because he lit it and handed it me so I could carry it and see as we kept walking down the stairs. Once we reaches the bottom I looked around taking in our surroundings.

there were more torches on the walls so I went and lit them with the one I was holding then put it out so I could set it down.

I turned to look at Matt he had taken the mask off and threw it aside I could finally see his beautiful face again causing me to smile .

what?

nothing just like looking at you

oh really and why is that?

I don't know your just so... beautiful ... dark and mysterious but you feel so --- safe and warm you know

wow ... ive never been described like that before

oh really? how are you usually described

dark, mean , cold, asshole , crazy

I don't think that at all

im glad you don't I like your description much more

yeah me too he walked towards me and stood right infant of me

he put his hand around my neck chocking me slightly making me look up at him.

( listen to My own summer and beware by deaftones and for the next part)

he leans down so are lips are almost touching .

Im gonna ruin you

do it

He attaches our lips the kiss is deep and needy.

His other hand moves to my ass giving it a squeeze making me moan into the kiss.

He moves his hand from my neck down to my jacket taking it off. then moving my dress straps down my arms pulling the top to bunch at my waist as he breaks the kiss and moves down to neck sucking and biting leaving marks in his way.

mmmm matt i moan as he moves to my tits liking and sucking my nipples.I tug at his shirt wanting him to take it off and he does .

Get on your knees now

I get down to my knees and look up at him waiting for his next move he started undoing his belt and I just watch as his large veiny hands move to his button and zipper of his jeans pulling them down.

He's left in his boxers and I can see his large dick print being confined by the thin fabric .

well are you gonna just sit there or do I need to tell you what to do

I move to remove his boxers as his dick pops out . I start salivating just looking at it he's pretty big and thick too .

I take him in my hand and pump a couple times before giving the head small kisses and licks I go down to the base and lick up them take him in my mouth

mmm fuck that's a good girl

I moan around his tip from his small praise and continue to suck hard but at a slow pace trying my best not to gag.

He takes my hair in his hands and starts thrusting into my mouth causing me to gag and tears to well up in my eyes.

Good girl sucking me in so good

I moan again causing him to throw his head back and thrust harder after a second he pulls out of my mouth as I start couching .

He kneels down in front of me putting his hand on my chest and pushes me back til im laying on my back on the rough ground.

Im gonna make you cum so hard your legs are shaking around my head ma

oh fuck matt please

He takes off my dress and panties so I’m fully exposed to him.

he moves down so his head is between my legs . I jump when he starts sucking on my clit and god the things he's doing with his mouth are enough to send me over the edge in under a minute.

FUCK MMMM

feel good ma

yes fuck uhhh so good

mmmm he hums as he sucks on my clit sending me into a shaking orgasm.

mmmm FUCK MATT im cumming

mmmm good girl look at you shaking from just my mouth

I thought he was done but he keeps licking and sucking then he adds two fingers into me causing my legs to shake uncontrollably.

F-FUCKK MATT ITS T-TOO M-MUCH I CANT

awww yes you can ma give me one more I know you can

mmmmm fuck... fuck matt im so close

mmm he groans as he licks my clit and moves his fingers in and out at a fast pace his other hand moves under my thigh lifting it over his shoulder .

My breathing is rapid as I feel my second orgasm moving in at a rapid rate. But this time I know damn well im gonna squirt so I chose to warn him.

M-MATT fuck im g-gonna squirt

mmmm good girl soak my face baby give it to me

f-fuck fuck oh my god

such a good girl you gonna quirt all over me

FUCK UHHH-MA-MATT IM GONNA .... FUCKKKKK

I scream as I quirt all over him

gooooood girl that's it ma

fuck matt I say as I come down from my high

awww look at your legs shaking

shut up

all 4s now

matt your so big I don't know if I can h- before I finish my sentence he grabs me by the neck

I wasn't fucking asking now do as your told

yes sir I say kind of bratty

fix your tone when you speak to me slut he says as he lightly slaps me across the face and fuck was it the hottest thing ever.

I move to all 4s and spread my legs for him.

Good girl he says as he lines himself up with my leaking entrance.

Go slow please matt I say knowing this is gonna hurt.

I will ma don't worry he says as he slowly starts sliding his tip in

mmm ... fuck I say as I felt him stretching me wide causing a burning sensation.

You okay ma he asks sweetly .

mmhm just h-hurts a little

I know you can take it ma its okay I got you

he bottoms out hitting so deep in me . It hurts so good

mm fuck your so tight ma

mmm- fu-fuck matt your stretching me s-so much

I know ma I know tell me when to move

I gave myself a little time to adjust

o-okay you can m-move

he starts thrusting slow and deep the pain starts to slowly go away and starts feeling like heaven.

fuck faster matt

try asking again he says slapping my ass hard causing me to gasp

p-please sir please fuck me faster

such a good girl for me

he starts pounding into me at a faster pace sending shock waves through my whole body .

FUCK MATT MMM S-SO DEEP

mmm yeah you like that slut

fuck ...Y-YES FUCK

such a good slut taking me so well

the degrading name makes me clench around him

aww you like when I call you a slut huh

y-yes I-l-love it

he brings his hand to hair clenching it hard in his fist as his other hand goes onto my back making me arch even more for him causing him to hit so deep it makes my legs uncontrollably shake.

F-FUCK MATT YOUR TO DEEP I-CA-CANT T-TAKE IT

yes you can slut he growls out through gritted teeth

N-NO I CANT I say harshly bringing my hand back pushing on his stomach trying to push him away .

he grabs my arm harshly holding it behind my back as his hand in my hair moves to my throat gripping it hard.

your gonna fucking take it like a good little girl

N-no

no? he says harshly as his hips fault to a stop and he pulls me up to meet his chest as he grips my neck harder.

since you wanna sit like a fucking brat he says as he shoves me face down on the rough ground holding both of my hands behind my back

he lowers himself so his breathe Is hitting my ear causing me to shiver

ill fucking treat you like one he says as he starts thrusting rough, fast, deep and harder than ive ever been fucked in my life.

M-MATTT FUCK FUCK

aww what's wrong am I being to rough

Y-YES MATT PLEASE FUCK P-

please what

PLEASE I-CA-CANT T-TAKE IT I-MMM FUCK

you know your mouth is saying one thing but your pussy is saying something completely different

MMM FU-FUCK SHIT Y-YOUR SO DEEP

you like it when I fuck you like a bratty slut and you can't say no I feel you clenching my fucking cock

mmmm F-FUCK yes

yes what slut he takes both my hands in one hand and brings his down harshly on my ass

ye-yes sir fuck sir I lo-love it

atta girl you gonna cum for me

ye-yes sir mmm fuck he starts pounding me harder than I ever thought was possible as he slaps my ass harshly

cum on my cock me give it to ma

F-FUCK M-MATT MMMMM I scream as I cum all over his cock.

He keeps pounding into me harshly I started to come down. from my high as my legs were shaking and starting to give out under my weight.

m-MATT I ca-cant keep myself up m-much longer

he pulls out slapping my ass

flip over for me ma

I flip over laying on my back holding onto my legs trying to stop them from shaking but it doesn't help at all.

Keep eye contact for ill stop got it

y-yes sir

good girl he says as he lines himself back up to my entrance

he slides back in and starts pounding into me deep and slow he grabs my legs bringing them up onto his shoulders hitting me so deeply I can feel him in my stomach.

F-FUCK MATT YOUR S-SO BIG

he brings one hand down onto my stomach as he feels himself inside me as his other one moves to my neck shocking me not too hard but the perfect amount of pressure to drive me crazy.

fuck your so fucking wet for me mama

mmmm fu-fuck matt i th-think I gonna squirt

the pressure he is applying on my lower stomach has me about to turn into a damn fountain.

squirt all over me baby soak me

F-FUCK MATT I- I can't even finish what I was saying as I felt myself let go all over him.

fuuuuuck your so fucking hot

mmm fu-fuck matt

he starts pounding into me again my legs won't stop shaking around his neck and I start to feel overstimulated.

m-matt i ca-cant take it a-anymore pl-please

yes you can baby I know you can

I try to push him out of me by pushing on his toned abdomen with only causes him to slap me across the face making me whine out .

keep you hands down understand

y-yes sir I-im s-sorry

good girl im getting close ma I promise just hold on for a little longer

f-fuck okay

he sets my legs so they are around his waist as he brings his body flush against mine as he fuck me deep and rough

F-FUCK MATT MMMM

I start clawing at his back from over stimulation .

fu-fuck ma I can feel you clenching again

I claw his back deeper as I feel pressure building in my stomach and then suddenly snap

fuck ma your squirting again jesus

I didn't even know I was squirting all I felt was extra pleasure run through me

F-fuck matt mmm god

I squirt over and over I can't seem to stop (nah cause this happened to me in real life it was Lowkey disturbing not gonna lie a bitch was in pain the next day)

Jesus y/n ive never seen some one squirt so much so close together

I c-cant s-stop

I know baby its okay

I claw down his back harder and I bury my face into his shoulder as I bite down as I squirt again my legs are shaking so much they start cramping but I literally can not stop squirting and its driving me crazy .

F-fuck ma your soaking me j-jesus christ

I-im sorry

don't be sorry this is the hottest thing ever

mmmmmm FUCK I scream as I quirt even harder from his hips angling even more hitting deeper

fuck ma im gonna cum

fu-fuck matt fill me up p-please fuck

yeah you wanna be a good little cum slut

Y-YES FUCK MATT PLEASE I scream I squirt yet again as it starting to make my stomach hurt

his hips start to sputter and his thrusts become sloppy.

f-fuck im cuming he says as I feel his warm cum fill me up I moan out as I squirt one last time before his thrusts stop and he pulls out .I feel our mixed liquids running out of my pussy.

fuck that was ... the best sex.. ive ever h-had I say as I laugh a little curling my legs into my chest as my entire body is shaking and tears are streaming down my face.

F-fuck after that I never wanna fuck anyone else

I laugh as I shake uncontrollably I th-think you broke me

aww baby im sorry was a actually to rough

n-no I fucking loved it I just don't think ill be able to stand let alone walk out of here I laughed casein g him to chuckle and shake his head.

he went and grabbed his clothes putting them on and then coming back over to me helping me up my knees immediately buckle so he has to hold me up against the wall so I don't fall as he helps me putt my outfit back on. I felt my back burning really bad as he slid my dress over my head.

OW FUCK I cried out as the stinging got worse

wh-what what's wrong

my-b-back is burning like another fucker

he spins me around JESUS im so sorry it must have been from your backing rubbing on the ground you have big strawberries all over your back

eh honestly I deserve it I definitely did a mean number on your back

uuuh yeah you think he turns around lifting his shirt showing me his back I gasp.

OH JESUS MATT why didn't you stop me those are deep and bleeding

well I uh- I have a pain kink so I thoroughly enjoyed it

o-oh well then I guess your welcome

yes thank you very very much he says as he turns around and gives me a sweet and soft kiss .

come on your coming home with me

I try to walk but my legs fail me and he laughs at me

stop laughing bitch you did this to me

watch that pretty little mouth or your getting round two when we get home

as much as I enjoyed this I could not handle anymore tonight so I brought my hand up to my mouth acting like Im zipping them and threw away the key

come on drama queen he says as he picks me up and I lock my arms around his neck and legs around his waist

I keep my head sizzled into his chest as he blows out the torches on the walls and grabs the last lit one and makes his way back up the stairs he blows out the torch as we walk out of the crypt.

as we approach the part of the grave yard the party was going on in I hear the faint music again I start to feel embarrassed about the state i'm in right now . He walks over to his friends .

Damn bro you have been gone for three fucking hours

God is she even alive anymore

I let out a small giggle at his friends statement.

Yeah yeah funny bro she's fine but were heading home so ill catch you guys later

okay bye bro

byeeee I say as I smile and wave at them as matt walks away from them.

they all just laugh and shake their heads

your friends seem fun

yeah their pretty cool

oh my god y/n

we both look over at my best friend

You been gone for three fucking hours I thought you were dead

no no im fine I promise

she smirks at me as her eyes run over my face and body that is still clinging to matt.

wow you guys had a lot of fun

yep sure did im matt by the way

nice to meet you matt well y/n I guess your going home with him huh

yep sure am I love you and we'll talk tomorrow okay

okay I love you

I love you too

matt walks us all the way to his car he opens the door and sets me down as he shuts the door and gets into the drivers side.

he starts up the car and drives to him house . he parks the car then hops out to help me out and we slowly walk to the door as he unlocks it and we enter.

wanna showers pretty girl

yes please

alright come on its upstairs

we get to the bathroom and he sets me down on the toilet .

go pee im gonna grab a change of clothes for us real quick

okay I finish up my business ad he come back in and helps me get my clothes off and I take my wig off and undo the braid bun I did under the wig.

wow I love your natural hair

aww thank you I said smiling

you wouldn't happen to have like makeup remover or face wash would you

um let me check my mom might have left some in the guest bathroom last time she was here

okay thank you

as he left the bathroom I smiled to myself and the looked over the work he did on my neck and chest then I looked down at my knees seeing that they are scraped and bruising.

I turned to look at my back and Jesus it was so scraped that there was blood and it was also bruising.

here you go my mom left these makeup wipes

thank you I said as I grabbed them and took my makeup off

you know I never thought about how bad a crypt floor would damage my body when I had my fantasy

yeahhh we probably should have thought about that

mm yeah. but hey it was worth it

sure was . You know I didn't even wanna go to that party but im glad I did

oh yeah? and why is that?

I would have never met the most beautiful girl ive ever seen and fucked her into oblivion

mmmm yeah I guess your right and thank you for the compliment

of course ma now lets shower

we hopped into the shower and we washed each others bodys both hissing when the soap and water hit our tainted backs .

we got out and dried off as we put on our change of clothes .

sorry I didn't you know have a change of underwear for you but I there yours in the wash so they are clean for you tomorrow

oh its okay thank you

of course wanna go to bed im fucking exhausted

yes please im spent

he led me to his room and we crawled under the covers as he turned on his fan .

we cuddled into each other as we started to drift off to sleep in each others arms.

hey y/n

yeah matt

I know we just met tonight and stuff but uh would you maybe wanna go out on a real date sometime

yes id love that matt I looked at him smiling as he smiled at me placing a sweet kiss on my forehead .

we fell asleep and that was that.

Gooooooooood NIIIIIIIGHT xoxo

[pipperoo]

….the searcher in the shadows was very good…..

thoughts under the cut….

i knew it was coming and it still killed me. samuel and the sun (reprise) was so evil. samuel didn’t deserve that, he still had so much he wanted to do :( he wasn’t supposed to leave rose’s side again, what the fuck! i was actually crying so much and having to hear rose’s reactions was just awful. i literally had to sit in silence for a few minutes just to process everything. you should have seen my face when they mentioned the purple button for the first time. fuck you kal, i hate you so much, i wish nothing but the worst for you!! and samuel, you were essential for literally everything!! they all relied on you and nothing would have happened if you weren’t there! i’m so glad margaret was able to say how strong she thinks he is! i miss him so much already and i’ve known this character for like 4 days. oh samuel, i knew you would die, but i still hoped you wouldn’t

king itzal definitely fucking deserved to win that bad parent poll, fuck that guy! i’m glad i trusted all my mutuals when they said to vote for him bc he really is that awful! his stupid spell destroyed their home and his intentions with margaret are so bad that she had to be stripped of her memories and hidden away just so she could be safe! i don’t know how, but i really didn’t expect itzal to be margaret and dakkar’s dad, that shocked me so much! and this guy had to gal to ask margaret to join his side to be evil when he was literally going to kill his son who was right behind her! i was so happy that margaret was immediately just “no” and blasted his ass (that had printing press plate hitting vibes and i loved it)

also fuck kal for making ahlaam see her dead husband, seriously not cool. i know i’m hating on these guys, but they are really cool villains that feel like they pose an actual threat even against people with magic, im excited to see what evil they do next!

i did enjoy all the new traveler lore, im glad there was more clarity on the magic ways and what they can do. i loved dakkar and addison immediately and how they expanded more on sia and ahlaam! i love the detail that they’re all connected through the radiance which makes so much sense on why margaret felt like something was missing because something literally was. without access to her magic she was cutoff from people she grew up being constantly connected to!!!

instant tears when it was revealed that dakkar was margaret’s brother. i’m glad she’s connecting more with her magic and remembering more things. but, it’s so tragic that she’s finally reuniting with the family she didn’t know she had and now she’s remembered how awful her father and she’s lost samuel who was so important in her found family. oughgh :(

rose and john were as always so sweet. john’s “i thought i lost you” destroyed me. i’m so glad they could have that moment in thank gravity! i love those two nerds!

i still have so many questions! what are the gates? how is sia’s vision going to unfold? how is rose the key? what’s the deal with the great enchantress? what makes margaret so important? what does bringing back the blazing world involve? i can’t wait to find them all out!

once again, as always, the music was just so great. my heart was pounding through the entirety of part 3, the tension was so palpable. my favs were rose and the stars, thank gravity, masterpiece containing masterpieces (reprise), and samuel and the sun (reprise). they were all tugging on my heartstrings! also all the sound effects were so cool, it really made it so immersive!

that was a rollercoaster, but i’m thrilled to be all caught up! looking forward to the mini episodes and wherever the plot goes next! i can’t wait to engage with the pulp musicals tag now that i don’t have to worry about spoilers and finally be able to look at ao3!! if anyone has fic recs for literally anything, i have no preferences, please give them to me!! anyway thanks for reading my thoughts, already this fandom has felt so so welcoming and i’m so happy to apart of it now!! <3

[wet-rubber-soup]

i am the only city boy mutual in the world, and that's okay i guess. it's what i get for liking bands (kinda) similar to 10cc + elo. here's a few tracks that might pique your interest

the ending of "cigarettes" features amazing guitar work by mike slamer & steve broughton + key work by max thomas. the entire song is good as hell

this was their biggest hit. you can hear the influences of elo & queen. vocals features the newest member of the band: drummer roy ward who would continue to lead vocals w lol mason, especially after bassist chris dunn & steve leave in 1979

this track comes from their last album. max, lol, roy, and mike were the only og members. this one stands out to me bc it's a good example of a catchy chorus, which they're known for. another track sung by roy ward

before roy was in the band, this is their debut album. i think this track best captures their lyrical genius. many of their tracks are "quirky and funny," but some just have amazing lines that come out of nowhere. really, lol & steve knew what they were doing!! (i think lol & steve wrote this one. if not, max & mike might have helped)

track sung by lol! it's catchy, and the lyrics are funny but also just so tongue-in-cheek. "i know you like your victims sweet & sour." i believe this was also a minor hit. i might be wrong, but anyway, good stuff!!

a nice little disco-inspired track. the lyrics are hilarious about a man who ate his car & other inanimate objects! "golden gate on a dinner date (heart burn!)" it's catchy, funny, and really shows that these guys know how to make fun music, but also they have extreme talent to execute it right

another song sung by lol. i believe this was a hit, too. it's a love-song ballad about never finding the right words because someone leaves you, well, speechless. this track comes from the first album w/o chris & steve. many fans don't like it, but i like it a lot. although the song is a little softer, it sends goosebumps down my arms, and im not a huge fan of corny ballads

lastly, the very song that got me into city boy. it's jam-packed with hard rock guitars and killer vocals, especially in the chorus, and a dramatic atmosphere soaked in despair about the end of the world! the entire album has a darker vibe compared to their earlier albums. on top of that, the song comes from the last album to feature chris & steve. nevertheless, it's extremely catchy & the lyrics are top tier. the orchestra part ramps up the climax by the end of the song, and oh my god...if this song doesn't make you a fan, i don't know what will. the guitar solo at the end is literally perfect and captures the rush and bustle of what you'd expect from the end of the world. all and all, i should see more praise for them. i think a lot of you would be interested in them. got into them bc they were in a "10cc related mix" spotify gave me

LISTEN TO CITY BOY

[turquoisecobalt]

Happy Sabrina Carpenter Short n' Sweet release day! (Note: I live in Australia)

having just finished my first listen (doing second listen as i type this), the songs i added to my likes are Sharpest Tool, Bed Chem, and Lie To Girls! Theyre just the ones I vibed with most musically/lyrically which i'll talk about more in a sec.

wrote a little about each song under the cut <3

Taste made my jaw drop, damn girl youre gonna be tastin me! love it! totally a bop and is probably gonna join my favs after more listens. Love it as the opener.

(love Please Please Please, "beg you dont embarrass me motherfucker" tickles my brain so good)

Good Graces is just an absolute mood, same kinda message as Please Please Please, just be decent and we're chill lmaoo

Sharpest Tool I LOVE how shes uses the same word or sound at the end of a line and then the start of the next (took a left / left me, second guess / guess i'll, wondering if / if that, inbetween the lines / lyin to yourself) it's so satisfying to me, also that "we were going right then you took a left" just hits so good for some reason! overall yes, a definite fav

Coincidence is a bop, just misses out on being a fav cause the topic doesn't resonate with me personally! luckily haven't had this kinda experience, but LOVE the "your car drove itself to her thighs" took me so off guard cause i was expecting bed.

Bed Chem? oh hell yeah. come ride- uh,,,, comradery uhuh. horny bop. love Love LOVE

(Mountain Dew It For Ya :) )

Dumb & Poetic- oh yes go off Sabrina so many good lines in this one "just cause you act like one, dont make you a man" simple and so so true (+"just cause you leave like one" HAH) but "youre so empathetic, you'd make a good wife" is soo funny i love her. also love the slower vibes.

Slim Pickins is too real, why do we settle like this. so entertained by her flipping it to moaning and bitching. instead of bitchin and moanin. makes it stand out without feeling too off, i like it.

Juno is super cute but i'm gonna need people to write those genius annotations so i can really Get It (it's referencing that movie right? I havent seen it). fav line is "i showed my friends and we high-fived, sorry if you feel objectified" also its horny so A+

ok ok ok now LIE TO GIRLS! lyrics hit right out of the gate, and they keep hittin "you dont have to lie to girls, if they like you THEYLL JUST LIE TO THEMSELVES" sabrina stop im sobbing. absolute fav of the album. the buildup at the end. i am in love.

im sorry i couldnt really focus on Don't Smile cause Lie To Girls ruined me uhhhhh. yeah its a good song. im gonna go put Lie To Girls on repeat now

OKAY okay we're done, Mothica's new album also came out but I've gotta sleep that's a tomorrow experience.

[nknovakwrites]

Hope, Astarion, and Friends on the Road to Baldur's Gate Part Three: I Can't Go Yet, Don't Let Me Die

(This takes place in Act 3, after meeting the Petras and Dalyria in the Rivington flophouse and getting the Elfsong room in the lower city of Baldur's Gate.)

“Here.”

Hope took the scroll that Astarion handed her. “What’s this?” 

“It’s a spell scroll.”

Hope unfurled the scroll to see it was indeed a spell scroll for enchanting an item with daylight. Why?

“You were right,” Astarion added as if reading Hope’s mind. 

“Of course I was,” Hope replied. “What was I right about?”

“The other spawn will warn Cazador we’re here, they might come for me before we get to him so this is just to keep you safe. Keep it on you at all times.”

“Even sleep with it?” Hope asked as a joke.

“Yes,” Astarion responded, very much not joking.

Hope had never seen Astarion this serious about anything.

“Alright, I will.”

The vampire spawn had invaded the camp. Hope was so tired and in such a deep sleep that she wouldn’t have even woken if it wasn’t for Astarion shouting, “get the hells away from me!”

She jumped up and grabbed her short sword and violin, both never far from her. Hope and her allies fought hard but they were at a clear disadvantage! Hope, Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart were the only ones in camp, sleeping after being out in Baldur’s Gate since dawn (the others were using the cover of night to scout the steel watch foundry, looking for a way to sneak in the wasn't the guarded front door.) Meanwhile, the spawn were well rested having slept during the day. Hope was especially sloppy; she was tired and scared for Astarion. What should have been hits were all critical misses and she was leaving herself open to attacks from all sides. Shadowheart tried to pull her fearless (if very sleepy) leader into her side so she would be protected by the spirit guardians but before she could, arms wrapped around Hope’s neck.

Astarion, seeing what was happening, tried to run towards her, leaving him open to an opportunity attack from behind. He fell and when he got to his feet again Hope was gone.

The first thing Hope felt was her head pounding. The second thing was something hard and cold under her body, so she wasn’t in bed in camp. She kept her eyes closed as the events of the night swam back into her mind. She was likely in Cazador’s Palace. Okay. That’s okay. Well, not okay. Not at all okay but it could be worse (could it be worse?) Hope forced herself to stay calm and look at the facts. She was alive, as evidenced by her hammering heart and the lack of pain in her neck meant she hadn’t been bitten, but she didn’t know how long she had been in the palace. She hypothesized it couldn’t have been long if her friends had yet to show up and try to save her but it was long enough for them to bound her arms and legs in rope and leave her laying on what Hope could only assume was a marble floor. She had dropped her violin when she was grabbed but she could still feel the spell scroll tucked into her shirt. She-

“I know you’re awake.”

That voice wasn’t familiar and yet Hope knew it was Cazador. He didn’t sound like what she was expecting if she was being honest.

Hope opened her eyes (it was a marble floor) as Hope righted herself so she was kneeling forward rather than laying on her side, made a little more difficult with her bonds, she wondered if Cazador could hear her heartbeat and that’s how he knew she was awake. It was unsettling. Even more unsettling was Cazador himself. This was the first time Hope had laid eyes on him after hearing about him from Astarion. He towered over her, even if Hope hadn’t been on her knees Cazador would still be a head taller than her. His pale skin caused his red eyes to stand out even more. She really hoped he couldn’t hear her heartbeat because if he could he’d know it was hammering, terrified.

“What do you want with me?” Hope asked when she found her voice, trying her best to mask her fear. She stood up against demons and immortals, she could handle a vampire. 

“I didn’t want you. I wanted the boy. My lost son you are traveling with and yet they brought me you. So, I will have to use you as bait.”

Hope shook her head, she should have stopped speaking but she didn’t, “Astarion won’t come to rescue me, not without a plan and the rest of the party right behind him.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” Hope said firmly.

“Then, I guess I’ll just have to find someone to replace him for the ritual.”

He grabbed Hope, lifting her by her neck. Enough so she could breathe but just barely. Despite the fear swirling in her gut and the sudden lack of air, Hope felt an idea spark in the back of her mind, a very, very bad idea.

“I thought the last sacrifice had to be a vampire spawn,” Hope croaked out.

“Right, you are, girl.”

“Wait! Don’t!”

Cazador sunk his teeth into Hope’s neck.

Now, Hope had been bitten by Astarion more times than she could count by now, so many times she barely felt it anymore. The first time it hurt a little, but this hurt much more than that!

Luckily, Hope’s blood had recently gone through a change thanks to a woman named Araj Obladra who made Hope’s blood explosive. She barely felt the flames as they spread from her body to Cazador’s but she did feel as he pulled away and the rope which held her was burned off. She jumped away from Cazador’s reach, stopped only to cast daylight on herself, then turned and ran out of the palace.

As Hope bolted down the street, she could feel herself start to become fatigued. Fortunately, the sky was starting to turn pink, the tell-tale sign of dawn. No one should be following her. Still, she fell to her knees in the street. Why was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden? And who had just put their arm on her shoulder?! She grabbed the wrist and looked up to see Astarion. She let out a sigh of relief and felt Astarion pick her up before the world turned black.

Astarion bolted back to the Elfsong with his friends at his side and his Hope in his arms. He didn’t miss the bite marks in her neck. That son of a bitch Cazador bit her, he tried to turn her into one of his spawn! If she turned into a vampire. . . He decided not to think about that, he had to get her to Withers. Astarion was admittedly nervous that Withers wouldn’t be able to do anything for her, if he could cure vampirism you would have thought he would have brought it up before now.

“I cannot cure vampirism,” Withers said, “but Hope isn’t yet a vampire. I can bring her back from the dead, stopping the transformation in its tracks.”

“Then, do it!” Astarion said, losing his patience with every word.

“By doom and dusk I strike thy names from the archives rise,” Withers said, accompanied by some handwaving.

A blue looking magic flowed into Hope’s body turning her stiff and pale body pinker. Within seconds she had taken a deep breath and opened her eyes. She looked up at the companions surrounding her, “hey, guys, did I miss something?”

[sneakyscarab]

hello! it's been a while since ive written out my thoughts about touhou! part of the reason why is that i've been working on a website of my own, which now hosts all my grimoire of nina entries with enhanced bonus features! plus a lot of other things on other pages but this is the relevant part to this post. i'm not sure whether i want to continue making tumblr versions of the posts now that i've set this up, but for now im gonna do both a tumblr edition and a neocities edition. with that out of the way lets get started on...

Touhou 1-5 PC98 Extravaganza!

after finishing the main series (and taking a probably needed break from bullet hells for a bit) I went back to the beginning and checked out the first wave of Touhou, the 5 PC98 games!

putting this up front, while i absolutely respect what these games did to kick off the series and get things going, i cant say i was very fond of them, so the overall tone of this writing is on the neutral to negative side. just something i feel i should note. with that said, let’s get started.

Touhou 1 - Highly Responsive to Prayers

Highly Responsive to Prayers is a weird game. contrary to what one would expect, the First Touhou Game is not a vertical scrolling shooter like others. HRtP is instead a sort of breakout/arkanoid type game, where you control a miko-shaped paddle named Reimu running back and forth bouncing a giant yin-yang orb that clears up tiles, beating a stage once you’ve cleared the screen. it does actually have whispers of the series’ future though, with turrets in levels that shoot bullets towards you, Reimu having a amulet-shooting ability (influence the orb's movement), screen-clearing bombs, and menacing boss fights.

you heard me right, this breakout clone has boss fights, and theyre kinda wild. every 5th stage is a boss, which have big hitboxes and shoot out tons of bullets and other attacks which you have to simultaneously avoid while also manipulating your orb in order to hit the boss (because only the orb does damage). After beating the first boss youre given a branching path between Makai or Hell, and either choice gives you 15 more stages for a total of 20.

overall HRtP is a very bizarre and not particularly great game, but its uniqueness makes it really stand out, and if you're in the market to play a weird breakout/bullet hell game for whatever reason you should try it out.

Touhou 2 - Story of Eastern Wonderland

now This is a Touhou game! released alongside HRtP at Comiket 52, Story of Eastern Wonderland is what i would say is the true first Touhou game, being a vertical scrolling shooter with 6 stages, fancy boss fights, and ridiculous characters.

right out of the gate SoEW shows off how wacky the PC98 era lore is, with the first stage containing not one but two military tanks as boss fights. the third stage's boss as well is a weird metallic wall with 5 "eyes" and innumerable laser cannons. its wild. as for gameplay, it's pretty much what you would consider Standard Touhou, although with some features missing that havent been invented yet, notably the movement-slowing Focus mechanic.

one interesting thing about this game is the colour choice: likely due to palette restrictions pretty much the entire game is a combo of red+purple, with the occasional blue+green sprites. even marisa is not immune, having bright red hair only in this game alongside a purple robe+hat.

its very surprising how close SoEW already is to the modern gameplay loop, although i guess it shouldnt be Too surprising considering scrolling shooters are like one of the first game genres ever made. its a pretty fun time, but also pretty rough around the edges.

Touhou 3 - Phantasmagoria of Dim. Dream

if you thought we would stablize into the regular style now that we've seen SoEW, you'd be off the mark. Phantasmagoria of Dim Dream is actually a VS game in the same style as the later PoFV and UDoALG titles! it was really surprising to me seeing just how much experimentation was going on with the series this early in its lifespan, but I suppose that happened a lot back then.

in terms of gameplay PoDD plays surprisingly similar to PoFV, with the same enemy combos, sending spells at each other through a charge meter, and summoning yourself as a boss fight on the other guy's screen as an ultimate move. it even has the same insane boss summon rebound mechanic and the same cheating bastard final boss ai!

one funny difference is that, since faeries hadnt yet been established as go-to mooks, the enemies during duels are a variety of random things. besides ghosts you just have star, moon, or heart shapes with ' ' and ^^ faces. theyre so abstract I kinda love it lol.

like SoEW its surprisingly functional for its age, although also like that game it still lacks features like focus, leaving it being unpolished in comparison to newer variations of this formula. unless youre a PC98 enthusiast id recommend playing PoFV or UDoALG instead, especially since the multiplayer on this one is local-only.

Touhou 4 - Lotus Land Story

now things are starting to standardize. Lotus Land Story is another vertical scrolling shooter and adds in a bunch of features not in SoEW that would go on to be series mainstays: focus, boss phases, boss item drops, and most notably having Marisa as a deuteragonist! if SoEW was a standard touhou missing some features, LLS is taking steps to a full on touhou game, missing just a few mechanics from EoSD, notably the spell card system and point-of-collection line.

LLS is also notable for a few other reasons, one being the character Yuuka who is one of the few PC98 characters to get remade in the windows games, and the other being the origin of the iconic song Bad Apple!! which got remixed by nomico and memed half to death.

Its pretty good, albeit still rough around the edges and missing the sort of spark thats found in later entries.

Touhou 5 - Mystic Square

Mystic Square is where we settle in, playing identical to LLS, which means theres not much to talk about. there are 2 more playable characters than LLS, with both Mima and Yuuka. Mystic Square also includes the 4th and final PC98 character to get remade later in the Windows canon, Alice Margatroid. besides the name and the blonde hair though theres pretty much nothing connecting the two Alices together. if you liked Lotus Land Story you'll probably like this too, i dunno.

alrighty with all those games out of the way its time to talk about the characters of note. and of course if theres one name thats synonymous with PC98 its...

Mima! appearing in four of the five games of this era, Mima is the most consistent character besides Reimu and Marisa, and yet she has never been seen since Mystic Square. this may be a hot take, but i think Mima is emblematic of a lot of the qualities of this era that make it hard to get into from a story perspective. for starters, Mima is incredibly inconsistent. She shows up 4 times and is basically a different character each time; being a random Hell boss in HRtP, a vengeful spirit bent on destroying all humanity (except Marisa i guess?) in SoEW, a woman of few words and a short temper in PoDD, and a snarky bully who tells blatant lies just to see how people react in MS. she also has a weird conceptual design and wack power scaling, being a ghost who was never alive, always been a ghost, who also for some reason has like dragon wings but only when she gets angry (Marisa also has these in PoDD which is really bizarre) and shes able to simply escape being magically sealed away as if she was cracking the seal on a pickle jar and casually beats up everyone in Mystic Square without even blinking. While i do like elements of her character (her lying bastard personality from MS is pretty funny and I see why people would want that back) i think its for the best that she stays in the PC98 era, the one seal she cannot break free of. If she were to come back, so much would have to be rewritten either of the world around her or Mima herself that she would basically be a different character entirely, which i think would cause way more drama than her return is worth.

moving on, lets talk about Genjii! this old fart is basically Reimu's grandpa who is also a magical flying turtle. since Reimu doesnt know how to fly in these games, her pops Genjii gives her a ride whenever she needs to go solve an incident. He also acts as a straight-man to Reimu's comedy in her storylines, often questioning the bizarre things that she says or weird noises she makes. he's just a funny turtle grandpa and i'm here for it. while Genjii has never officially appeared in a game in the Windows era, ZUN has stated that the reason is that he's just enjoying his retirement. Reimu can fly on her own now, so he's just resting in the pond out behind the shrine, doing whatever it is grandpa turtles do in their free time. good for him :>

the last character spotlight is for Meira! she's a cool samurai lady from stage 2 of SoEW who was also Reimu's gay awakening :P (for context, Meira and Reimu's pre-battle conversation is a bit where Meira claims to seek the Hakurei Maiden [for her power] but Reimu assumes that Meira's hitting on her. After clarifying that Meira wants to fight Reimu and take her power after winning, Reimu counter-offers by implying that she'll take Meira as her girlfriend if she wins.) this was almost certainly just intended as a joke, but considering that Touhou Project is basically a yuri wonderland its very funny to see gay implications in literally the second spoken conversation in the entire series. besides that, Meira also has cool attacks utilizing her sword where she makes huge slashes in the air that explode into bullets after a second, which were probably inspiration for Youmu's sick swordplay five games later.

and thats the PC98 era! with these games under my belt ive now played each whole-numbered entry in the series, woo~! so having played them all, what are my thoughts on the origins of Touhou?

i'll start by clarifying that i am generally not a 'Retro Gamer'. while i acknowledge the importance of early entries into series, they are very frequently rough, unpolished, or just straight up unfun because the devs are still working out the kinks on how they want the series to go. this is doubly so for games from this pre-2000s era, where game design in general was still a new concept and most games were working off arcade standards of high difficulty to steal quarters. early Touhou is not exempt from this, these games are missing a lot of features added later that make the games more fun, and the difficulty is much higher with a lot more 'bullshit' design like bullets that spawn on your character or a lack of proper resources given on respawn leading to a cycle of death.

all said, i cant say i really enjoyed my time with the PC98 titles. you may have noticed that i didn't mention 1cc runs so far in this article, and the reason for that is i couldnt find the motivation to keep trying for more runs like i did with the future games. mix that in with the bizarre, nonsensical, and often self-contradictory writing and you have a recipe for mediocrity. PoDD in particular is an absolute dearth of writing and worldbuilding. most character interactoins are like one sentence long, and the plot involves two scientists on a "Probability Space Hypervessel" who somehow invited in the characters from Gensokyo to the real world so that they could capture them and steal their magic for clout. In Marisa's route after she beats them up they give her a weapon as a reward which is a ICBM with a smiley face that Marisa names Mimi-chan and rides around instead of her broom. like its all so ridiculous you can just tell that these were like student projects done by a dude in his free time and not a serious attempt at making a world or story.

overall i just really have trouble finding passion for these titles compared to the later entries, to the point that i had to shove all 5 of these games into a single article and its about as much writing as Subterranean Animism alone. im sorry if youre a big PC98 and/or Mima enjoyer but theyre not for me, and i have to say im glad that Touhou moved on and evolved past this point.

thank you for reading, and i'll see you next time, whenever that is!

[junietuesday25]

ALSO ive been mentioning on my main blog that im working on an ascended astarion x god gale fic. im really having fun w it my google doc title for it is “bloodweave has it all (can make each other better) (can make each other worse)” so you can tell im really leaning into the toxic yaoi of it all. heres the pseudo prologue

“The city is close…as is Cazador. To think, tomorrow morning, I’ll—he’ll be within my grasp.”

Across the horizon from their perch atop the ruins of an old checkpoint, the sprawl of Baldur’s Gate glowed by firelight against the night sky. But, welcome as the sight of civilization may have been after weeks of traipsing through the wilderness, Gale found his attention straying from the city rising in the distance.

Instead Gale watched Astarion. The languid sprawl of his lithe body, legs splayed out in front of him, arms behind propping himself up. Incongruous: the fierce look on those sharp features. And incongruous to that: the distance in his crimson eyes.

“Him and his Rite of Profane Ascension,” Astarion went on, musing half to himself. “A grand ceremony, elevating him to unfathomable status. Placing him in a position of such esteem the world will yearn to kneel and offer him their necks.”

A terrifying prospect. And yet Gale felt a shiver at the words yearn to kneel in Astarion’s silken drawl.

Astarion’s head tipped back, looking at Gale sideways. He was waiting for a response.

“Indeed it will,” said Gale, absently touching a hand to his chest. Right near the purple mark of the Orb. “Dare I call that a note of jealousy I detect in your voice?”

Astarion barked a laugh. The curl of his mouth revealed the flash of a fang. “If you have to even ask, I’m afraid you don’t know me half as well as I thought you did. Let me tell you now—“ his grin dropped, his expression hardening “—if I can stay one move ahead of him, I’ll take his place before his blood can hit the floor.”

“I know you well enough to expect nothing less,” said Gale. It came out more overtly warm than he’d expected; clearing his throat, he added: “And I also know you well enough to doubt that you’ve put any real consideration into how you might, as you put it, ‘stay one move ahead.’”

“You wound me, darling,” said Astarion, brightening again, the grin returning to his face like it had never left. His red eyes sparkled in the starlight: now, fully present. “I thought I might track down my ‘siblings’ and wring them for information. And after that, well—” he waved an insouciant hand “—what else do I keep you around for, my dear wizard, if not to do all the hard thinking for me?”

Gale managed to laugh. Or pulled off some approximation of it, anyway. Below the Orb, something inside him prickled. “In that case, I suppose I shall have to endeavor to remain useful.”

[crehador]

brother crab's spring 2024 parting thoughts (part 1)

doing this quickly and messily this season because it has been a very messy season for me (how... how did i get 50+ episodes behind at one point)

anyway LOADS OF PHENOMENAL STUFF THIS SEASON although i would not call it flawless sentai daishikkaku is still far and away the anime of the season for me (but more on this in parting thoughts part 2, since its season hasn't finished airing just yet)

THE GREATS

kaijuu 8-gou was so much fun. imo it's a very typical battle shounen (but with an adult lead! fantastic) in that it hits all the beats you would expect a battle shounen to hit, but it hits them well. characters are fun, fights are dynamic, worldbuilding is solid and compelling (not terribly revolutionary, but it doesn't need to be)

it's overall just such a good time. hoshina im lov u. s2 please come soon

boukyaku battery was also phenomenal. easily one of the sports anime of all time. hilarious and riveting. the characters are so good, both as individuals and a team, and their backstories all unfolded so wonderfully. the visuals just get better and better. mappa let your staff rest but also. damn. undeniably good work

and todochi!! todochi forever!!! terrible fucking boyfriends (affectionate)

wind breaker was super solid all around as well, i haven't seen toman myself but i keep hearing that it's like toman if toman were good (lmao i'm so sorry to hear this toman enjoyers, stay strong)

oddly enough i'm not possessed with like... and overabundance of super strong feelings towards the characters, though. they're all really fun to watch, and i definitely plan on continuing the series, but i'm not quite rotating them in my head all the time. still good stuff though

THE GOODS (THE VERY GOODS)

astro note should be in the greats honestly but i'm trying to do three per section in this post, but it was just a delight through and through. there was nothing i didn't enjoy about this. takumi you are such a shit (affectionate)

tadaima okaeri... honestly i'm really happy with this adaptation! not only for voice actor reasons (but yes mostly for voice actor reasons) but like put next to all bl adaptations, this one imo does a lot very, very right

i adore the series itself too, did a quick reread before the series started airing and it really is just so wholesome and sweet. but personally i find it a stronger family (and found family) story than a romance, like where it really shines is its exploration of community and generational trauma despite best intentions. which is i imagine not what many people expect from an omegaverse bl but there it is

yozakura-san chi no daisakusen is continuing on into next season (i forgor) but i think it's pretty solidly made its home in this tier for me. it's a lot of wacky, zany fun, and really a delight to watch every week, but it doesn't really stay on my mind afterwards. so just, good stuff!

THE NOT BADS (OR AT LEAST NOT TERRIBLES)

jii-san baa-san wakagaeru was actually overall really enjoyable to me! lots of really deep, poignant moments, an ending that... i shan't say, and loads of quality humor and sweet family moments

but it came out the gate real strong with a first episode that was rife with grandpafucker jokes so i feel like a lot of people might not have made it to the poignant stuff which, fair enough lol. wouldn't say this is something that can't be missed, but really wasn't bad all told

sasakoi... tragically... had i think a pretty strong start but alas. production issues have reared their head and the animation quality in particular got worse and worse throughout

personally i'm not that much a fan of the drama either. the main relationship is pretty cute, but the drama surrounding them... honestly i just couldn't get invested. but that's solely a personal taste thing

as for re:monster... the less said the better. never in my life have i seen a show that more obviously wanted to be a hentai but wasn't

THE SEQUELS/CONTINUATIONS

obviously dungeon meshi was excellent no one needs me to say anything about that

yuru camp s3... i can understand the criticisms, i can understand not vibing with the new art style. but tbh i personally still enjoyed it immensely, it's still cozy, it's still cute, i couldn't really ask for more

hashira training arc my beloved. i can't really give an unbiased review of this one because i love u genyaaaaaaaaa. and gentaaaaaan. god this was such a good arc for them. anyway

shockingly enough i think that is... all i watched this season? (besides yatagarasu and sentai daishikkaku, but more on those later)

i thought there were more than just these but i don't see anything else in my activity log

so basically EXTREMELY STRONG SEASON aots will be decided in like... 20 hours

[twinkle-art]

im curious since Andromeda has terminal haunted by mom thoughts behavior and a weirdoes connection to Emet selch, what's her thoughts/relationship to hydaelyn/venat? cuz she kind of comes out the gate swinging and just straight up calls the player character her child in early visions. I suppose its equally likely hydaelyn was just too vague for a while for her to have very concrete feelings about it, and perhaps a more traditionally maternal style doesnt resonate enough to be very affecting, but im curious as to how she felt about All That

ohhhh this question is so fun i’m so tickled to know you’ve been paying attention like that 

so the short version is a little of column A, a little of column B– the truly overwhelming aura of maternal love that hydaelyn exudes unsurprisingly hit her like a goddamn truck, but perhaps not how you might expect. 

circa. ARR, when she was first given the title of Hydaelyn’s Little Superstar, she was very lost in the sauce of an uncomplicated Narrative of Heroism. as she does not come from a place where hydaelyn is even recognized as god, she was mostly caught up in the excitement of being chosen by a divine entity that she wasn’t even fully convinced was real, like, a week earlier. like, i think she would’ve thought of being referred to as Her child as something closer to set dressing, the sort of thing an all-powerful goddess is supposed to say, rather than something hydaelyn genuinely means and feels, let alone something she can actually internalize.

(a brief aside, thinking about this made me suddenly realize that in the absence of hydaelyn as an uncontested presence in the god-rejecting society she grew up in, the closest cultural equivalent would then be……. solus zos galvus. i will be unpacking the profoundly deranged implications of this parallel another time.)

however, you’re completely correct to hone in on the fact that hydaelyn’s maternal love being, like, what maternal love is actually supposed to be would throw andromeda, who’s never really had that modeled for her, for a loop. the slow, dawning realization that that’s how it’s supposed to feel would creep up slowly, without fanfare, only really crescendoing during endwalker

her time with venat was odd for her, in that it left her feeling deeply, deeply sad for reasons she struggled to articulate. perhaps this is a very revealing comparison to make, but i can really only liken it to the feeling of observing a closely-knit and happy family that you aren’t a part of and feeling an odd sense of loss that you didn’t get to have what they do. as a person, rather than a distant, inhuman entity, it was suddenly undeniable how genuine venat’s unfathomably deep love for the world, and her by extension, was, and i think it would probably make her heart ache to know that such a thing could exist, or that maternal love could come without the baggage she knows it to, and that she had had such a thing all along and not known it until right before she had to let it go

because everything is a part of my grand scheme (<- lie) i do love how this ties in very nicely with her relationships to both her real mom (lucretia) and her fake evil not-mom (emet), in that going into endwalker’s climax where she needs to finally see herself for who she truly is rather than simply The Hero, a huge part of her growing up is also seeing her parent as a full person with interiority as well. stripping the veneer of straightforwardness from how she understands and interacts with all three of these characters at more or less concurrent points in her arc simply feels right <3