#warning: sadness
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.
Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.
Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.
Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.
I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.
He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).
First, we get this:
Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.
They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.
It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.
We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.
What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?
He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.
In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.
Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!
...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.
Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.
And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.
I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.
And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.
Meals are the privilege of the living.
#Dungeon Meshi#Delicious in Dungeon#Kabru#Kabru of Utaya#Laios Touden#Dungeon Meshi meta#you can have him in the tags too. as a treat.#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#this was directly inspired by livelaughlaios's post about Kabru self harming but I decided it got too long to make it a direct reply#this is a theory I've been working on for weeks because I kept noticing this while skimming for screencaps#I'm hesitant to trigger tag this because of the way certain subcultures on tumblr operate#but if anyone needs me to add a content warning please let me know#also I included image descriptions! I did my best#I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys#musings with Dea
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pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#disordered eating mention#actually mentally ill#sad thoughts#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#substance abuse#shitpost#addiction#bpd feels#borderline personality disorder#tw depressing thoughts#girls who do hard drugs#ed culture#eating disoder trigger warning#sadnees#actually borderline
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I always found the scene where Edwin notices that Esther's cupboard is too far forward really convenient.
Because sure, some people that work in certain jobs will learn to identify if something feels off. But like, how often is Edwin installing kitchens? Why would he have that skill? But I always just brushed it off as needing to progress the scene.
Except today I realised that of course he does! Of course he knows when something isn’t proportionate to plans. Of course he has the experience and skill to know that.
He developed it while mapping out Hell.
#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#gif warning#i'm sure this isn't news to anyone else#but it only occurred to me today#and i made myself sad about it
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giving the people what they want (jokes about spreadsheets)
anyway, Twst continues to prove that it is aimed at me specifically by giving us not one, but now TWO extended scenes of characters being incredibly difficult about signing an NDA. you just don't get this anywhere else.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tapis rouge#gif warning#gifs that tempted the gods and lost warning#azul specifically is making everyone's lives difficult by insisting on actually reading things before he signs him#like some kind of nerd who actually cares about his rights or whatever#no but i love that for him#(i have only a few more postcards left to unlock him...sigh...)#anyway vil just went full scarlett o'hara over here and made it WORK#i am sad we didn't get to see the infinity tiara though#in my mind it's three feet tall and looks like a bejeweled crown rack of lamb#this is why some things are better left to the imagination i guess
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Will Abby ever meet Elizabeth 👀
I’ve technically drawn that once before! In newer comics? We’ll see,,
#ask reply#I really do want to draw Elizabeth again#though I will warn the comics will probably be sad BAHA#Abby may meet her but just in a different way than yall think#THOUGH im also not above having a lil fun and just having actual Elizabeth meet Abby#it would be cute!
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HE CAMT FIND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!! crying...
#south park#artists on tumblr#art#south park fanart#stan marsh#this is a tragedy btw#super sad#tw warning: sad
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Newspaper chan is here to give you paper cuts
#internetcore#webcore#artists on tumblr#cybercore#nostalgia#retrowave#sad aesthetic#snes#trashcore#weirdcore#flash warning#seizures
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the song of humanity will continue to be sung
#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun stampede#he means so much to me he means sooooo much i love him so much asfuahghdsgnkdsgk#VASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i posted it on twit but i was REALLY dreading ep 11 bc i figured that vash might cry#but instead he screamt into agony in which i cant even rewatch the episode#bc the va did such a good fucking job in conveying that terror and grief and guilt and it fucks me up so bad#vash makes me sad in EVERY adaption but stampede is like#we've only seen him be kind. he's just nice. he's serious and he's nice and he's kind. he treats everyone with so much delicateness and care#and the only time he raises his voice is for the protection of others and warning them#and now he's rung the wranger and i now have a hammer to knives' side#not even trying to be dramatic its just been awhile since a character has mattered to me in this kind of way#ruporas art
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Love and Deepspace + Tumblr Text Post ↳ Zayne, Part 2
#love and deepspace#love and deepspace zayne#x ; edits#lnds edits#lad txt#tumblr text meme#zayne has both bde and actual big d*ck it's canon now lololol#i mean no one was questioning it but thank you devs for verifying???#also pls don't ask me why this turned into a foreseer post after that idek#and#I'M SORRY FOR SNEAKING IN THAT ONE SAD POST#(no i'm not that is so them and you know it)#(spoilers warning maybe??????)#i'm sorry#bye
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@swsource Star Wars Week: Day 1: The Chosen One – Favorite character ↳ Captain Rex
"I used to believe that being a good soldier meant doing everything they told you. That's how they engineered us. But we're not droids. We're not programmed. You have to learn to make your own decisions."
Bonus (flashing gif warning):
#sww24#captain rex#tcw rex#the clone wars#the bad batch#flashing gif#star wars#the number one contender for second most tragic life after obi wan infinite sadness kenobi#he's everything to me#better late than never?#gif warning#my gifs#amph gifs
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#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#actually mentally ill#disordered eating mention#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#sad thoughts#substance abuse#anxienty#addiction#actually borderline#shitpost#trauma#eating disoder trigger warning#ed culture#bpd feels#tw depressing thoughts#tw drugs
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prometheus
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#my art#dndads s1#dndads odyssey#i think about him a lot#and the trial#and i am sad#glenn close#glenn close dndads#slight gore warning for the eye i suppose#not super happy w this but whatever
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my favorite little alan sounds
#flash warning#jumpscare warning#this is aw2 after all#anyway i finally played aw1/control/aw2 over the past month and i am no longer normal#and unfortunately i am not immune to white man. alan is a sad wet cat and i will continue to put him in situations in my head#and get him killed in dbd. and make him do stupid dances in fortnite#alan wake#alan wake 2#matthew porretta#video#mine
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Body goal ->
#girlhood#pink#coquette#girlblogging#girlcore#hell is a teenage girl#this is what makes us girls#tumblr girls#i hate my body#body goals#food#tw eating issues#tw ed ana#ed but not ed sheeran#body dismorphia#i hate this#uglygirl#im fat and ugly#ugly#eating disoder trigger warning#disordered eating mention#lana del ray song#lana del ray aesthetic#lana del rey#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#mitski#wlw#anor3c1a#sad thoughts#sadgirl
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In the 19 years Steve's lived in this house, never once has he slammed his front door like that. Too scared of his parents' wrath should it have caused any damage.
It feels good.
He almost turns around to do it again, a fuck you to his parents and every decision they ever forced on him, but then he remembers. They're all in there. Nancy, Jonathan, Argyle, Eddie, Robin. In his living room, making declarations and decisions about Steve's life for him. Or, well, one of them is.
Like his parents do. Did?
He didn't grab his keys, wallet, or even his coat, but he's not going back for them. It's cold, sure, but Steve's sure his anger will keep him warm until he reaches a destination. Any destination.
He just doesn't understand why- Why they keep doing this to him.
Why he keeps letting them.
No. No, that's a lie. He keeps letting them because he knows, deep down, he's not a fighter. Not for himself.
He'll put himself between the ones he loves and danger in a heartbeat; he's done that since the first time he watched a petal-faced monster peel its way out of the Byers' wall in '83.
But his parents trained the fight right out of him when it came to himself. It was easier to not argue, to just do what they wanted. They'd smile at him when he was good. They'd take him with on shorter business trips when he behaved. His mom would even allow a quick hug if he impressed a shareholder with how well-mannered and quiet he was.
He won their affections with obedience.
He's never- Nancy and he love each other now, but in the same way they all love each other after having survived the horrors the Upside Down. But Nancy never loved him the way he'd once loved her. That was bullshit.
Even Robin and Dustin. He knows they love him now. Will love him forever, going forward, but both had admitted to having a predetermined idea of who Steve was and what he was like and they weren't wrong but they also weren't right because Steve's never been Steve a goddamn day in his life.
Steve hadn't even known Steve until monsters came into his life.
The way everyone used to refer to him as the Steve Harrington was a judgement all its own. A thing that he was, and had no say to be otherwise.
Even Eddie, in the Upside Down, and now, in his own house.
Steve finally feels like he might be becoming who he really is and he's surrounded by friends and it just made him stupid. He'd thought it was confidence, when he pulled Eddie aside to talk, to confess, but then-
Eddie telling him he's confused. Like Steve is a child learning new concepts and not an adult who has been questioning how he feels about men since he first noticed other boys in middle school.
Eddie telling him, 'you don't want this, man. Not really.'
It's not fair.
Robin came out to him, and he'd just wanted to make her laugh so she would quit looking so scared. Eddie came out to him, and Steve had thanked him for trusting him. Jonathan, Nancy, and Argyle confess to all dating each other and Steve congratulated them. But Steve comes out and gets told he's confused?
And Steve didn't even refute it. Just got so hurt he couldn't be there anymore. Left his own house because he'd told Eddie he had a crush on him, and asked if he'd like to go on a date sometime and Eddie said no and told him he was confused.
Eddie doesn't get to decide that for Steve! No one but himself can decide if he like guys or not. No one gets to tell him he's confused about what he's feeling.
It's- that's bullshit, is what it is!
Steve turns on his heel and marches back to his house. His hurt has fully morphed to anger now.
Steve hasn't run away from a fight since '83, and he's not going to start now.
He rips his front door open and is greeted to everyone just inside the door, in various states of putting their winter clothes back on. All the faces look concerned, but he scans for Eddie's.
Eddie who looks relieved for all of two seconds, when it seems to dawn on him that Steve is angry, and it's directed at him.
"The appropriate response," Steve growls as he steps through his door and punctuates those words by slamming it shut again. (It's not as satisfying this time, because he sees how it makes his friends jump.) He barrels on with his words, eyes never leaving Eddie, "when someone comes out to you, is to say 'thanks for telling me' or perhaps even 'thanks for trusting me' or, if one is so inclined, to just say 'cool, dude' but you don't get- you don't get to tell me I'm confused!"
Eddie takes a step back, knocking directly in Argyle, who steadies him, but he doesn't say anything.
Maybe Steve should be more calm about this, given the audience, but he's not able to stop the words now that they've started. "I'm not confused, and I know exactly what I'd be getting into. You don't get to- to try and make your rejection my fault. If you don't wanna date me, just say so. But you don't get to try and tell me how I feel about you!"
From the corner of his eye, he can see Nancy trying to subtly shift herself and Jonathan away from the door, probably to get out of what really should be a private conversation, but Jonathan's a bit preoccupied by catching Robin around the waist as she lunges towards Eddie.
"What the fuck did you say, Munson!" Robin growls, arms swinging out like she's going to claw Eddie to death.
Argyle has inched back a bit, putting distance between him and Eddie in case Robin breaks free. "You dudes should probably talk this out in private."
"Byers, if you don't let me go right now-"
"Robbie, I got this," Steve says, because Robin shouldn't be turning on Jonathan when he's done nothing wrong. Robin continues to glare at Eddie for a few seconds before she makes eyes contact with Steve. He raises his brows slight -I got this- and she furrows hers -are you sure?-, so he tilts his head -yes, really- and she deflates in Jonathan's arms and allows him to drag her away.
"We'll just be in the rec room," Nancy says, looping her arm through Argyles and following after Jonathan.
Eddie doesn't bolt, which is a bit more than Steve expected. They both just stare at each other until they hear the click of the rec room door.
"Steve-"
"That was fucked up, Eddie," Steve interrupts.
"Yeah. It was," Eddie says, but doesn't offer up more, even though Steve is waiting for an apology.
"That kind of reaction is exactly why I didn't come out sooner. What would be the fucking point if no one even believed me? Or worse, if you'd given me that kind of reaction like, six months ago, I probably never admit to liking guys out loud ever again. You can't just- you can't decide this kind of shit for other people!"
"I know! I- I freaked out, and panicked, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Steve," Eddie says, and he sounds sincere and looks almost fragile while saying it that Steve loses a bit of his steam. He doesn't want to just keep yelling at Eddie.
"Yeah. Well. Thanks for apologizing," Steve mutters, crossing his arms with a huff.
Eddie worries his bottom lip before he seems to gather all his courage and says, "have I fucked everything up between us?"
"No. Not- I'm going to, like, need some time to get over my crush, but no. It's- it'll just be take time-"
"No! I mean, I can't- if you don't, uh, like me like that anymore I get it, but I- what I meant was. Well. No, I guess that answered my question."
Steve is confused, now. For real, and not about his sexuality. "What?"
"What?"
"You did it again. Deciding for me if I liked you or not."
"Shit. Fuck! Sorry," Eddie drops his head into his hands and groans. "I'm fucking this up so bad."
"Than use, like, real, whole sentences and speak to me!"
"I like you!" Eddie blurts. "I have a crush on you, too, but I- I fucked it up!"
"Yeah. Kinda."
Eddie makes a really pathetic noise at that.
"Not so much we can't, like, figure it out, though," Steve offers. "Not, like, right now, because I'm hurt and angry, but like, I'm not going to stop liking you because of one fight. Not. Uh, not now that I know you like me, too."
"Oh," Eddie whispers, then frowns. "For real?"
Steve rolls his eyes. "I said it, didn't I?"
"Sorry, it's just, just good things don't happen to me. It's- I'm processing, okay."
Steve lets out a long-suffering sigh and heads towards the rec room. "If you want to leave to 'process' alone, I get it, but you're welcome to stay. We can get this party re-started and hang out."
Eddie's silent a moment, and Steve thinks he's going to ask if Steve's sure, but instead he gets a quiet, "yeah. I'd like to stay." and the sound of Eddie's footsteps following him to the rec room.
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@i-less-than-three-you @nburkhardt @afewproblems @skepsiss
#steddie#pre-steddie more accurately#my fic#we have a lot of fic where it feels like the miscommunication is just one character deciding how the other feels#and i LOVE that trope. The angst of it all it just *chefs kiss*#but I dont think steve would let people get away with telling him how he feels#i think hed get hurt and then angry#so i wrote it#thats a lie. this STARTED as that trope (i even warned the discord babes) but while I wanted steve to stay sad instead he got mad \:#so its not actually the story i wanted to tell but it's the one i got
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Hello, Can I steal Robbie and run off into the sunset?
Is it stealing if you asked me for permission jdhdJDDUJ-
#Sure but he will eat ur walls (citrus bowls)#Make sure u give him acknowledgement that he’s just a lil guy every hour or so or he will get sad#Don’t be surprise if he takes on a new identity and flees the country without warning#Welcome home#welcome home oc#robbie robs#oh it feels like a million years since iv typed his full name JDHDDD
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