#wanted to fill the semi-hiatus gap with something

[sopuu]

thumbnailed/boarded a short action sequence for a group project :]

[twistsandtwizzles]

First Kiss #3: Turning Onto You

Author's Note: This is the last story I got through before real life so rudely burst my fic-writing bubble. I'm taking a little hiatus from writing fic but will still be around to talk all things skating. (And also I do still have the other prompts and hope to get to them someday!) Thanks for reading and sending in prompts for the challenge!

Prompt: Mariah catches some feelings and makes the first move on a surprised Nathan

She doesn’t tell Nathan about Romain until it’s all over, her ring finger bare and dark circles under her eyes. She rehearsed it on the plane ride back from France, wanting to sound steady and fair, to allow space for Nathan and Romain’s friendship - even if it’s more than her ex deserves at the moment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nathan asks. 

She shrugs. “He’s your friend, you know? I didn’t want to put you in a weird place.”

“Okay, but . . . you’re my friend. It wouldn’t have been weird - I would have been here. You know that, right?”

She does, but it is nice to hear him say it anyway.

A few weeks later, Mariah has to almost physically restrain him from helping her move. It’s sweet, she supposes, but also exasperating.  

“I would never be able to show myself at a rink again if Nathan Chen pulled a muscle trying to lift my couch,” she tells him. “I’m hiring movers, we’ve got it handled.”

Of course, he shows up anyway, with McDonalds for her and pizza for the movers. She thanks him and then shuts herself in the bathroom and cries, touched by his thoughtfulness and infinitely grateful not to have to go through the day alone.

That night, standing in her new living room surrounded by boxes, she tells him that she hadn’t realized just how much she needed this fresh start, a home where she won’t picture Romain at every turn. He slings an arm around her shoulder and says that he thinks the place feels like her.

Nathan doesn’t push her to go back to the rink, but the delighted smile he gives her when she walks back in after nearly a month immediately calms her nerves. He sticks close to her that day - she’s guessing he wasn’t intending to spend the session just working on spins and footwork - and she’s grateful for his calm presence as she gets her feet back under her.

There had been a small part of her worried that their friendship wouldn’t be able to bridge the gap that Romain had left, despite Nathan’s assurances; she had wondered if Romain had been right when he joked that he was the glue that held them all together. She’s relieved to find that this, at least, is one thing she did not need to worry about. That she and Nathan are the same as they have always been.

Except, if she’s being honest, that is not exactly true.

She first realizes it as they are settling in for one of their semi-regular movie nights. He is absently scratching Nala’s head with one hand and clicking through the titles on the screen with the other, one dark curl falling across his forehead, brow furrowed in concentration. 

She is unprepared for the warmth that suddenly fills her chest as she watches him.

He senses her staring, looks over at her. “What?”

She blinks, shakes her head. “Nothing. Find the movie already, gosh.”

“You’re just going to fall asleep anyway,” he mutters. “Not sure what the rush is.”

She tosses a throw pillow at him, and he laughs, and her traitorous stomach explodes in butterflies. She sinks back into her corner of the couch. 

Well, shit.

—

For a while, she tells herself that she is imagining things. That she and Nathan are friends, have always been just friends, and she is getting contentment confused with something else. She certainly does not have a crush on Nathan, of all people. 

And her heart doesn’t occasionally skip a beat when he shoots her a half-smile after Raf says something that they’ll make fun of him for later, and she never finds herself lingering in their goodbye hugs just a bit longer than she used to. Never fights the urge to call him just to hear his voice.

Really.

They are chatting on the bench as he changes out of his skates. Nathan’s frustrated with his lutz, annoyed with Raf, and she’s relieved that she’s able to coax a laugh out of him before he takes off for the day. She steps onto the ice, still smiling a little, and finds Adam watching her.

“Oh my god,” he says. “Well, this is an exciting twist.”

“What?” She busies herself with some arm circles, already feeling the color creeping into her cheeks.

Adam leans forward and whispers conspiratorially, “You and Nathan. You like him.”

“Stop,” she says, trying to keep her voice even. “I do not.” 

“Oh my god,” he says again. “You’re blushing! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. When did this start? This is great for you. I’ve told you a hundred times, you’ve gotta get under someone to get over someone.”

She smacks him on the shoulder. “No one is getting under anyone, because nothing is going on.”

“Well why not? The poor guy’s been in love with you since he was a teenager. Throw him a bone.”

“He has not,” Mariah says reflexively. “Don’t be silly.”

Adam is suddenly serious. “Mariah. You have to know that Nathan is crazy about you, right? If there’s something there, why don’t you say something?”

She tilts her head back and stares at the rink ceiling for a moment. “Okay,” she sighs. “Let’s say I have been having some . . . feelings.” 

Adam nods. “Which I have said, because it’s true.”

“If - that’s if - it is true, there’s too much on the line to do anything about it. I need to have a decent Grand Prix to have a shot at the Olympics, and I already got a late start to training this year because of my messed up personal life. And you know what this season means for Nathan. If I said or did something and screwed things up, for either of us, I’d never forgive myself.”

“So your plan is what, exactly?”

“Basically just ignore it until it goes away?” 

Adam lets out a long suffering sigh. “And force me to watch you two idiots flirt and pine everyday for months? This is a terrible plan.”

“Asking you to coach me was a terrible plan,” she grumbles.

He laughs. “Girl, I am doing you a favor and you know it. Now let’s get to work.”

She rolls her eyes and skates toward center ice. Adam shouts after her, “For the record, I actually think it would help! You’re both wound so tight you’re going to pop!”

She holds up her middle finger as she waits for her music to start.

—-

Adam is right, though she’ll never tell him that. Ignoring her feelings is not a viable strategy. So more out of self preservation than anything else, she starts to steer clear of situations where it is just the two of them. And since Nathan is juggling about a hundred Olympic promo shoots and interviews with his training anyway, she’s fairly certain that he hasn’t even noticed.

She’s on her way out of the rink when she hears him call her name. His voice echoes a bit in the empty hallway. “Mariah, hang on a minute.”

He’s jogging to catch up with her, still in his skates and guards. She turns, waits for him to reach her. “What’s up?”

“Um.” He seems suddenly uncertain. “You’ve just . . . rushed out the last few days, so I wanted to check in. Are things okay?”

“Oh.” She adjusts the bag on her shoulder, doesn’t meet his eyes. “I’m fine. I just have -“

“Plans,” he finishes for her. “Yeah.” He shifts his weight a bit uneasily, adds, “It feels like it’s been awhile since we hung out.”

“I know,” she says. As always, he’s more observant than she gives him credit for. She reaches up and gives him a soft squeeze on the shoulder. “Movie night soon, okay?”

He nods, and she turns to leave. 

”Do you have a date?” he asks suddenly.

She laughs, surprised. “What? No.”

He looks sheepish. “You’ve just had lots of plans lately and you haven’t really said what they were, and I thought maybe - nevermind.”

Something stirs in her chest, and she can’t stop herself from asking, “What if I did have a date?”

“Then you’d be going on a date, I guess,” he says. “I don’t know. Whatever.” 

“Whatever,” she repeats, suddenly annoyed. “Okay, sure. So if it would just be whatever, why did you even ask?” 

“I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t, now.” He runs a hand through his hair, lets out a frustrated breath. “I should get back to practice.”

But she is unwilling to let this go. “So if I was seeing someone, it wouldn’t bother you at all?”

“No! I mean, I don’t know.”

“Stop saying you don’t know!” The volume at which she says those words takes them both aback. She takes a deep breath and looks down at her shoes. This is ridiculous. She’s acting like a teenager.

“I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry,” he says. “It’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s not that.” 

“What, then? I feel like I’m missing something, here, Mariah, and it sucks. You’ve been avoiding me, and I miss you, and -”

She kisses him. 

It’s not perfect. She’s failed to correctly factor in the extra height that his skates give him, so her angle is a bit off. And she still has her stupid bag on her shoulder, which swings into his side as she leans into him. But it takes him just a moment to recover from his surprise, his hands circling her waist and lifting her the fraction of an inch needed for him to deepen the kiss, and then she can’t remember why she was fighting so hard to not let this happen.

He pulls away first, looking a bit dazed. For a moment they are both speechless.

“So here’s the thing,” she says. “I have wanted to do that for weeks.”

His lips quirk upward. “So you don’t want to plead temporary insanity and run away?”

She shakes her head. “But I know the timing is terrible, so if you would prefer that we just pretended that it never happened, I’d understand.”

He tips her chin up with a finger and presses his lips to hers. The kiss is gentle but sure, and she can feel them crossing a bridge to something new. 

Eventually, they will talk. He will confess the years that he spent dreaming of her one night when he thinks she is already asleep; she will tell him that she loves him as they drive to the rink on an otherwise unremarkable December morning. They will laugh and they will fight and they will skate and they will figure this out, their new normal.

Today, though, he just smiles and says, “I really do have to get back. Raf is going to be so pissed.”

He gives her one more quick kiss and heads back down the hallway. He turns and calls, “Hey, you don’t really have plans tonight, do you?”

“I better have some now!” she yells back, laughing. 

He grins. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

[alphaofdarkness]

not me here for the oc ask ! can't wait to answer the ones you asked me, tomorrow i have my exam and then i shall live again haha ! but now i'll ask you 1, 2, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 31 — i know, it is a lot ( you don't have to do them all 💕) , but i really want to know something more about your wonderful babies and Dany ofc ! I missed her sm during this semi-hiatus 🤧💕💕💕 hope you're doing fine, sending you lots of love 💞💕💘

@carmenio Edgy!! 🥺 so happy to hear from you! ✨ I love these kinds of asks, especially on my many, many OC babies! I hope these answers are good and interesting to thee! I’ll present more info on Dany to some way, some how cause I love her 😭💖

I have gone and included the other questions you asked as well! 🤗 Let’s dive in! 😳

1. Gone and Answered Here ! UwU

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Personal favorite is often shown in the one I draw the most lol, which for a long time was Danielle LWW, but just because she was also my wolfsona at the time. After I made my own personal one I think I went onto Sam for a good while, also eventually going to Dany from Bsd!

So a tie between two beautiful girls, Sam is definitely my favorite LWW Oc, she is just precious and the one I hold the most and most always feel terrible and bad when I put her through it TM. 

Also Dany is my self insert, U//w//U, she has definitely allowed me to slowly self love and allow me to appreciate myself, especially the parts of me I didn’t think to much about or consider so appealing, I think? She has definitely been changing gradually into more of myself since I first came up with her almost 2 years ago! Watch me slowly knock her down to my height of 4′9″, let her have her 3 inches for another year maybe lol.

My dearest Atsushi agrees lol ✨🐯

17. Any OC OTPs? 

👀 lol yesss~ so many and so many crack ships too, which I'll answer next 😂

I’ll just go on and list them off, plenty more of them but~:

DanyJay

SoraYama

LidiaTom

AlikLucy

IsabelleKayla

AlexanderIsabelle

DarkwolfmonJatomon

JatamonRaiwolfmon

EarthamonHounmon

HumaamonWolverimon

And lastly TakaSam is the one I have definitely drawn and thought of the most! They are the top OTP and just best trope of Childhood Friends to Lovers trope, also filling in that trope of Oblivious to both of them but everyone else 🙄. While SoraYama may have been the OG Couple in my story, my love and warmth for TakaSam is unmatched TwT.

It is wild cause I always draw anguish between them as could-have-been-lovers-had-it-not-been-for-death, but recently been drawing them purely happy and content. Total sweethearts, the love everyone wants, excluding possibility of being old friends or not!

18. Any OC crackships?

L o l, I never seem to focus on the main couples because of this specific thing.

I’ll again just go off in list an maybe add a trope or something to get an idea of them:

DanyYama: Rivals, Constantly arguing, and can be petty as heck, but oh the potential and just possibility of opening up after the traumaTM 👀 also the couple that is always in your face about being in a relationship.

DanySora: Sparing partners, the sass and stubbornness, BiPan solidarity 👀

DanyLidia: Pure, wholesome, best friends and so much hugging and lifting from the tol to smol, the nature love vibes

SamJay: Wholesome, soft, healing together from traumaTM, protectiveness, also their Digimon were lovers and married in their previous life, what does that make us? 😳

SamDany: Mostly sibling-like relationship, but damn they have that Sun and Moon tropes?! How can you not possibly ship them!

SamLula: Shy and Confident, Bisexual/Lesbian solidarity 💕✨

JaySora: Opposite of the DanyYama tropes, why are our partners constantly arguing, can they please stop, pure and soft together.

DanyTaka: Digimon Au specifically, Oh you and I are the voice of the revolution? We are rallying up the troops together? Oh boi my Digimon feels love for yours, am I falling for you or are we falling together? Depression buddies but also each others hope and spirit boost ;;w;;

Any of the Warriors with the Sins: A whole lo t of mess, and just not healthy ... but I can already seen fandom people sayin g otherwise~

LustWrath: Spicy, no strings attached kind of deal.

WrathEnvy: ...Oof um, not healthy, kind of manipulative, we are devils there is nothing but toxic vibes.

PrideWrath: Rulers, King and Queen vibes, Yeah we are toxic for each other, f*** off.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Definitely Darkwolfmon! I am sure I explained in the first question why, but again I consider her to be that other half of me, the part of me I never discovered or the parts that essentially fill in the gaps within me. She is my precious partner Digimon and has honestly come a long, long way since I first created her. I believe sometime in 2009-2010, so almost 11-12 years since. She was the first ever OC of mine and is one I hold closest too in my heart.

For the longest time, even too now, I have always wanted her to just manifest at my side. Go on this journey of life together. While she might not be physically here like my child-self would want, she is still in my stories, my imagination, my inspirational drive. I think that is definitely more than enough, I don't know where or who I would be without having created her. I probably wouldn’t have a whole tale of OC’s and stories to tell if it wasn't for her. 

I am more than grateful and thankful that I am who I am because of this lovely Oc of mine. I can only hope to have her at my side for the rest of my days!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Most, if not all, my OC’s can sing! Their voices and tones vary, to which I cannot give a straight answer on how I headcanon most of their voices right now ^^; I will say that Danielle has a British accent to her voice as well as Spanish speak, and Sora has a Russian accent to her voice, so may be just lightly deep, but not to much.

I will definitely go with my Bsd Oc/Self Insert Danielle Mika Mason, however! Because I have gone and done a thing on how she would speak in her Japanese and English Dub! Other than me also being her voice, her Japanese VA would be Yui Ishikawa, same VA of the queen herself, Mikasa 💕 English VA would be Barrett Wilbert Weed, with an English accent, good Veronica from the Heathers! You can have a listen to her here in this post! 

Dany is meek when it comes to her singing, she will often be caught humming and softly singing something, but quickly tends to stop around others. She is often back and forth with how she sounds and often shuts down when she hears someone she considers better than her. She just needs some encouragement and a gentle push from someone she really cares about. When she does feel the push and genuineness from someone she will sing her heart out. But of course prefers to sing for only that one special person~ can ya guess~ 🐯

31.  Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really).

Oh boi! I literally have moodboards to add to this! I pick Samantha, or Sam! 

She would totes have a Tumblr blog, and Instagram! You always look forward to see what she post and just feel an instant calmness and warmth when you see it! She is always tagging her things appropriately, a soft and warm spring like layout that is shades of yellows, golds, orange, white; an occasional blue and teal as well! She would reblog anything of her aesthetic, golds, yellows, dance and ballet related things (may even post videos or poses of herself in practice and dance related things), cafe shops, sweets and desserts, warm night lights, cats, lots and lots of cats and felines of all shapes and sizes! Her best friend/boyfriend, Takaru always cameos in her stories and posts 💖

She would also reblog or spread awareness of any issues happening in the world, marking them and making her own voice heard as well. In spur moments, you may see her not tag things, but will likely go back to name things accordingly. She would also reblog anything of Bi Pride too!

28. Your most dangerous OC? 

Hmmm,,, my most dangerous Oc, I am taking the notion that they are just plain dangerous and likely of evil intent in their actions. Because plenty of my Oc’s on their own are dangerous in their own right, such as the Legendary Wolf Warriors, who have a great power at their paws. They can be destructive in their actions if they lose control or use it for the wrong intentions, which they wouldn't do of their free will. 

I will say Danielle and Sam are the strongest of the seven, because of their powers of Darkness and Light, respectively. Their souls created the others, so the other Warrior’s power does not match theirs. They can definitely be lethal together if used for the wrong reasons or if they are under the control of a Human or Deadly Sin.

Which leads me to say that the most dangerous of my OC’s with the worst intentions and evil thought processes that makes them dangerous is likely the Deadly Soul Sin Pride, or Mikka Penelope King/Pride as her solid name goes. 

She is definitely the most sinister of the seven sins, even worse than Wrath, who you may figure would be the worst. She has a calculating mind and is very precise in her actions and ways of manipulation. She has a poison within her veins that is just as deadly, capable of blinding others or even killing without remorse or care. While she may be a ghost like entity in my stories, a person/digimon holder in my Digimon College Au, she has enough power to influence people to fall under pride and vanity in the most dangerous level possible, heck even possess them if she wishes. That makes her stronger, as well as the other sins. Does not matter if she is dead or fades away for a while, her influence remains and if it does, than she can exist for a long as she desires.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Lol I saw cinnamon roll and instantly had a list of ocs ready, honestly any child OC I have is instantly a cinnamon roll and to good and put for this world, please treat them all kindly!

Current top Oc’s that come to mind are Haruko Mason-Nakajima, along with their nameless sister/pup! They are the sweetest babies ever and love them so much. Too good and pure, especially nameless pup with her love for tigers; she wants to grow up and be like her sibling and papa 🥺🥰  You can see the post on them here!

Next up is my precious flamey boi named Alik Azure Mizuhara! A next gen. LWW, son of Sora and Yamato! A little sightless boi with the softest heart and warmest empathy for others. Very much like his mother in likeness and pure curiosity of the world’s secrets and tales. His father worries for him a lot, but gradually learns to trust in his ability to guide himself. Don’t worry too much about him, he is very smart and knows how to care and guide himself!

Thank you so much for the time and questions you asked me Edgy! I had so much fun with these and gave me a chance to gush about my dearest OC’s! I do hope you find them of interest! 🤗🥺🥰

May your day be beautiful and amazing!! 🥰✨💖

[a--knightinsourarmor]

PLEASE, READ THOSE RULES BEFORE DECIDING IF YOU WANT US TO INTERACT

MAIN HUB BLOG/SIDEBLOGS: My main roleplay hub blog is knightinsourarmor and I follow, send asks, and like from there. I currently have seven sideblogs, one for each of my muses. Todoroki Shoto (repressedkindness), Pro-Hero Todoroki Toya (hopelesslypersisting), Amajiki Tamaki (sunlitsoul), Novak Castiel (BNHA verse for SPN canon) (shatteredoptimist), Kambe Daisuke (unwaveringdetermination), Levi Ackerman (dreamsofregret), and Castiel (defectivesoldier). If somebody follows me on any of these sideblogs, I’ll assume they wish to interact with them. You don’t need to follow my main blog, but I suggest you do so. On my main blog I post ooc posts, muse updates, activity updates, memes, starter calls while any testing muses will be portrayed there. If I find you only follow my main blog… You either haven’t read my rules and my muses page or you only care for my ooc shit? 

REPLIES: I want to study as a med student and have to work at the same time. That means that I can be really slow when it comes to replies. I wish you understand and don’t feel offended or lose your interest if I take some time to answer our thread. I believe in quality over quantity. Some days I might reply to specific people. That has nothing to do with you or your writing. I just might need to roleplay a specific matter or thread or enjoy someone’s writing too much and need to focus on that for some time. Not replying may also mean the exact opposite. That I can’t come up with a good enough reply compared to yours and need some more time.

MUTUALS/NON-MUTUALS/FOLLOWING: When I follow someone, I have read their rules, about and verses pages, and some of their threads. If someone follows me and I haven’t followed back in a week or two, that means I’ve checked their blog but I can’t find myself writing with them. Non-mutuals can send me asks, like my starter calls, and reply to my open starters. If after some interactions I find myself interested in their writing, I will follow them back. When I become mutuals with someone and if I am not on a hiatus or semi-hiatus, I’ll write a small starter to break the ice. Nobody is forced to reply to it.

AGE: I am over the age of eighteen. I won’t write with anyone younger than the age of sixteen. I am open to roleplay almost anything and this will be a free NSFW blog. I won’t roleplay anything which will be considered R-rated with minors, meaning anything that includes sexual themes, intense graphic violence, drug abuse, etc. but I am open to write most things if both muns are of age.

TRIGGERS: I tag the triggers my mutuals have on their rules/about page. A doc with all the triggers tagged will be added soon. If you need me to tag a specific trigger, feel free to send me an ask or a message. I tag triggers like: ’#tw: yourtriggergoeshere’ without the quotation marks. My own triggers are ridiculous ones, but I’d be grateful if you tagged them. It’s aliens and cockroaches. That’s the reason I won’t be writing with any roleplay blogs having alien muses (those having a disgusting non-human form).

TAGGING: I have a very specific tagging system. If someone doesn’t want to see a specific character or faceclaim (you’ll need to block the character’s name again) on their dash, I tag the character in both threads and fanart as: #|| (ch.) character name || . For most anime, their last name goes first, except Shingeki No Kyojin (Attack On Titan).

SHIPPING: I prefer male x male relationships. I am a little picky with female OCs because of bad past experiences. I do not mind age gaps as long as both muses are adults (p.e. Levi x Eren) but I will not ship a young muse with someone who is like a father figure to them (Aizawa x Shoto). I am very slow to ship, for the reason I like building a relationship through threads. If there’s chemistry, feel free to discuss shipping or like my shipping call.

SMUT: I will not write explicit sexual scenes anymore. For muses of age and muses with high sex drive, depending on the chemistry between our muses, the limit is foreplay. Most of my muses are asexual. For them, it is very rare to happen anything more than kissing and cuddling. I will fade to black. I do not feel comfortable writing detailed sexual scenes anymore, the only part that interests me is the tension and trust built between our muses and aftercare. Inappropriate language may be present for all muses.

DRAMA: I don’t care for any drama or witch hunts going around. If I see any on my dash, this will result in me soft-blocking or hard-blocking you. I don’t want to participate in any of these and I find them disturbing.

FORMATTING: I cut posts and use small text and icons. If my roleplay partner doesn’t use icons, I won’t use any myself.

MULTIPLE THREADS: I don’t mind having multiple threads with the same person especially if I enjoy their writing.

POST LENGTH: My writing style is advanced literate. That means I need more than a paragraph to roleplay with. One paragraph is fine still, but as long as there’s something interesting to reply. I don’t mind how long your replies are. Just take notice that I will probably mirror you and my reply will be the same length.

SELECTIVE: I am selective when it comes to writing. I need a paragraph or more to reply. I need to roleplay in third person and I don’t roleplay on DM. I roleplay on discord so if we are mutuals, feel free to ask for it.

MAINS: I have blogs/threads which I prioritize over others. This isn’t personal. I just feel more motivated to reply to those. I don’t have exclusives.

TRACKING/REMINDERS:  I usually track my threads with an app but it takes a lot of my time. I try to use a tagging system even if it doesn’t work as well as I want it to. Don’t be scared to remind me to reply to something I might have forgotten. I could possibly forget to add it to my tracker but constant reminders make me lose my interest in the roleplay (if there’s any). I understand and appreciate for someone to tell me I have forgotten something. Myself, I will remind someone of our thread after two months or even more.

TIME-SKIP: Well, I’m someone who can enjoy something that is slow. I am pleased with anything as long as there’s some really good and inspiring writing (how many times have I said this?). I can keep a thread for years (and I have) and not be bored of it. If you start getting bored we can time-skip but I’d want to discuss this first.

DROPPING THREADS: Unless it’s a one-liner, I don’t drop threads. If you do drop one of our threads, I’d appreciate it if you told me.

ASKS: You are free to send an ic ask to all of my blogs. My main or my sideblogs, as long as you specify, I don’t mind. You can continue an ask I have answered. I actually encourage you to do so.

STARTERS: My open starters are actually open to everyone and don’t hesitate to reply to one if someone else already has. Then I’ll reply to another post and tag you. If I offer to make a starter and you accept and you don’t reply after a month, and if I have messaged you and you haven’t responded but you are actually active, sorry but no matter how specifically we have plotted our thread, I’ll assume you are not interested anymore and turn it to an open starter. I put some time into those and I don’t want it to be to waste.

CROSSOVERS/AUS: I really love writing AUs and crossovers. I enjoy the possibility of characters from other fandoms interacting with each other. I have crossover verses for some of my muses and more will be added in the near future. For characters from fandoms I am not aware of, I’d like to write with them on a modern verse or one both muns agree on. For those characters, I’ll treat them like OCs.

OCS: I enjoy writing with OCs, as long as they have enough info and our writing mesh well. For most OCs, our first thread will be one that our muses get to know each other for the first time. I’d like for them to meet as complete strangers and let their relationship build naturally.

ENGLISH: English is not my mother language. I have learnt English completely alone and it’s something that has been hard for me. I understand telling me if I have made any mistakes or ask me if you didn’t understand something but I won’t take any criticism.

MEMES/FANART: This is something I had recently started to be annoyed with. Please, do not use me as meme or fanart source. This goes for roleplay partners or not. Please, reblog memes AND fanart from the source.

SPOILERS: This blog is not spoiler-free. I will tag spoilers: #|| spoilers || and try to keep everything under READ MORE. You have been warned.

THANK YOU FOR READING MY RUMBLING BEFORE FOLLOWING ME FIRST. PLEASE CHECK MY MUSES AND NAVIGATION PAGE AND FILL MY INTEREST CHECKER. ALSO YOU CAN CHECK MY VERSES AND OPEN STARTERS. YOU CAN MESSAGE ME AND PLOT ANY TIME. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME. JUST FYI I MIGHT NOT BE TALKATIVE. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL AND DOESN’T MEAN I AM NOT INTERESTED FOR OUR MUSES TO INTERACT..

UPDATES

DAY/MONTH/YEAR: -

16/03/2021: REWRITTEN MY RULES

[buddhasfanficdictatorship]

Fanfic Progress Update: Light at the End of the Tunnel and Going Forward (Part 2 of 2)

Part 1: Here

Sorry this took awhile get out, my lying ass said “a few days” last time, but a month is about the same amount of time... right? I’ve been busy trying to finish up a fic I wrote for a very helpful friend as a Christmas gift, which obviously isn’t late as crap now. Besides that, some unavoidable stuff came up (including having my phone containing writing notes totally crap out on me, internet issues, oh and almost becoming homeless because my landlord jacked up rent a bunch without notice, forcing me to try to sell my plasma and to scramble for money. That was fun. But that’s a whole other story).

I hope you’ll understand that real life troubles have to take priority. I know, it’s always excuses with me, sorry. I wish I could control my life and not have all this shit constantly come up too.

Okay, now that my customary pathetic excuses are out of the way let’s get down to business! First up? Fic progress updates! But PREPARE FOR AN ONSLAUGHT OF WORDS! (as if that’s anything new).

The Bonds That Never Break: The last piece of the “Birthday” chapters (which were originally supposed to be one but got split because all these issues) has had some progress (maybe 1/4 of the way) and won’t be a difficult undertaking finishing it up since I know what I want to do, but... Honestly I've hit a major roadblock with the fic beyond this point. My ideas for original stuff are coming up empty and simply rewriting the entire plot isn’t my plan (even now I think the ratio is too far skewed for canon content without enough additions of my own).

The problem as I said in my Author’s Notes of the most recent chapter is the format keeps me tied to the canon, which limits my options. I love the idea, but I can’t deny doing a faithful canon rewrite is a pain sometimes. And in the coming chapters my new ideas are pretty much nil beyond a few scattered chunks from the Konoha Crush arc to about halfway through Shippuden.

Side Note: I planned on skipping canon rewriting most of Shippuden. The fights with Akatsuki and such don’t really play into Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship and I’m not interested in doing that much extra legwork beyond the main focus of this fic. I only care about the dorks and their story and elements of the anime that deal with it. So beyond that, we’ll jump a bunch of that and go directly to the end, a new ending where they get together eventually, where everything will be new.

So me being stuck being the case, I MAY skip forward a ways to something more solidly planned and thought out, and come back later to fill in the gap. Maybe to the point after the ending where everything is my own creation so we can see the dorks repairing their relationship and just making out like they SHOULD have done from the start. We’ll see what happens. I’d be very interested in hearing reader’s opinions, maybe I’ll set up a poll to see what you you think.

I REALLY think I need to put this on hold for a while and watch the anime start to finish, to help inspire me and bring back my passion. I love these guys but over the last year and a half my interest has faded. I need to get back into the ship and reignite those feelings I first had when I started the show so I can channel that into better chapters.

The Horny Canine Boys of the Hidden Leaf Village: Having trouble with this one too. To put it in semi-simple terms, I know what I want in chapter A and chapter C, but connecting them together with chapter B is causing me issues. Haven’t started the next chapter yet (technically the conclusion to the most recent one, since I broke that up because I wasn’t finished and had gone so long without updates) but I do know what it will involve and have plenty of notes so it shouldn’t take TOO long. That being said, from there I’m not sure what to do. I might skip forward and do chapters later on in the story first since I have a clearer idea of what I want them to be. This fic is mostly porn without plot so it’s not like skipping around would matter that much, but it’s still pretty frustrating. Probably going to make a poll for this one too, to get reader’s opinions regarding to skip or not.

Dogs Keep it in the Family: Some progress on finishing up the update I cut short, mainly need to assemble all the parts and ideas together into a cohesive whole. So not too much work. The problem with this one is mainly issues of quality I have with it, content not meeting my expectations. I have plenty of notes and a few more chapters plotted out, it’s mainly just finding the occasions where I can get some good writing done. That aside there’s also a lot of questions beyond the first couple chapters of what I want to include that I’m not sure about. I need to think more about this one.

The Unorthodox Journey of a Pokemon Breeder Boy: The next chapter of the Charizard segment is roughly half way done. But I pushed this out way too soon mainly because I was so sick of it being constantly on my “To-do list” in an in-progress state during months and months of interruptions. Going forward though I’m not really sure what I want to do with it; I simultaneously have this grand vision, but an abnormal lack of concrete ideas for new chapters. I’ve had some little sparks of inspiration and prompts, but beyond that I’m just not feeling it flow into a greater idea.

Here’s my planned schedule for this round of updates. Thing’s could change, but I’ll make a notice if they do.

1. Untitled Inuyasha fic; Koga/Ginta/Hakkaku threesome. This is a gift for a friend I’ve been trying to finish for weeks now

2. The Bonds that Never Break. Last segment of the Birthday chapter

3. The Horny Canine Boys of the Hidden Leaf Village. Next half of the Dogs Will Play chapter. This one has the least recent update (and is by far my most read fic) so I might push it ahead.

4. Dogs Keep it in the Family. Last chunk of the Mother’s Stern Hand chapter

5. The Unorthodox Journey of a Pokemon Breeder Boy. Second half of the Charizard segment

Next are details of my plans going forward. It’s lengthy (it’s ME after all) but important so I’d recommend checking it out. Long story short: After updating each of my current fics, I’m temporarily switching over from the large projects above to one-shots for a time.

But I’ll still be writing and I’m not dropping any of those big fics! I just need a break from the intensive work they require.

On to other matters. If you’ve read my other insanely long updates (if you have you’re a trooper) you’ll know I haven’t been having a great time for a long while. If not, check Part 1 or older Progress Updates for more info. Long story short, I’m completely worn out from endless months and months of bullshit. Even though its FINALLY quieted down now, I still need a break.

You might say, “But you’ve been on hiatus for months!” That was because I could never get a night without fist fights or drunk parties or literal death threats being screamed all hours. That hiatus was because I couldn’t focus, because I was in a stressful situation and had no real alternative.

Now I’m saying I need some mental health time, a break from scrambling between fics that went without updates or had half finished chapters as compensation for that utter nonsense, trying to catch up and failing to get back to normal because of it. I went straight from that atmosphere into rapidly trying to get everything back up to speed, never taking a breather and celebrating my freedom. I need to take a few steps back and gather myself, actually breathe easy without fears of drunk assholes trying to break in to people’s apartments, before I jump back into things.

Because of all that crap, I had to make do with putting out lazy and poorly constructed work. It made me feel like a shitty writer and that I was letting readers down. I can’t express how awesome people who stuck by patiently waiting for updates, understanding I wasn’t in a great place, really are. But not doing my best made me feel like I wasn’t meeting expectations of people who had been so nice. Yes it’s just fanfiction, maybe I’m getting dramatic, but still.

I’m so sick of putting out half-assed or incomplete chapters and fics. Rushing from one to another, scrambling to make updates that aren’t complete or as polished as I would like, leaving this trail of disappointment behind me. I look at what I’ve produced lately and I’m just so deeply unhappy with the quality. Most of that was the horrible situation I was in, but now it’s my haste, like I’m trying to do 5 things at once to catch up now that things are okay and none end up great. I appreciate dearly readers supporting me and being understanding all this time. But when you KNOW you can do better and aren’t meeting your own expectations it’s very frustrating. I take my writing, even if it IS only fanfiction, seriously. I feel a commitment to making the best chapters for people who enjoy what I do.

These big projects are so exhausting, so much work tweaking them just right. All the effort and time I spend has just worn me out. It’s gotten to the point that I’m starting to resent working on them, it feels like an obligation. I rush through stuff trying to make everyone happy and in the end my work suffers. It’s tough to make good stuff when it feels like a chore. And that’s never a good mentality to have when writing. I’m not doing my best work when it’s not fun.

Add to that the fact that my notes are an ABSOLUTE CLUSTER FUCKING MESS. Bits and pieces of stories saved in Google Docs, on my phone, and written in spirals, scattered everywhere. There are things for both Canine Boys and Bonds that I didn’t write down when I was breezing through work that I have now forgotten in my haste to churn out dwindling chapters and struggle with all the bullshit that had overwhelmed my life. That’s a big problem.

For example. In Canine Boys I know what I want to do with chapters 5 and 7, but my notes on 6 are paltry and I have since forgotten what I wanted to do. Problematic, even if it is just porn.

And there are pieces to the planned ending of Bonds that are hazy and difficult to remember because of the time that has passed, mental stress, and lack of organization. I need to get things in order first thing.

No joke, when I look at all my future plans and mess of notes, sometimes I get micro-panic attacks. Because there’s just SO MUCH to do, SO MUCH I need to plan and write, and oh god what did I forget this time, ugh I can’t figure out how to move on and do the next chapter, I can’t remember what good thing I planned for this and I’m disappointing my readers!!! ect. It’s truly overhauling sometimes. And it’s not pleasant or an effective way of writing. I need to get this mess sorted out, lay back and have some brainstorming to fix all those plot and continuity issues.

As if that wasn’t enough, my phone had loads of good things saved on it, ideas for both Bonds and Canine Boys that were GREAT and necessary to moving the stories forward. Well a few days ago it totally crapped out and I can’t access it. Losing the notes saved on my phone has left me pretty bummed. It’s like a knife in the heart. Because I had SO. MANY. GOOD. IDEAS. ON. THERE. And the thought of them just gone makes me just want to give up because I worry I won’t ever come up with something to match and replace all that was lost.

So yeah, I need to take a step away from these big works. All that being said, I’m not on hiatus anymore. More like semi-hiatus. I’m taking a break from “serious” writing, from these huge projects (all 4 current fics would count) and switching over to some smaller one shots in the meantime. I need time to recoup and rest and actually celebrate my newfound peace and quiet without deadlines. I want to work for a while with worrying about timely updates or letting readers down with quality issues. I’m going to take a breather, regain my confidence, organize my disaster notes, and come back strong, RATHER than keep limping along as I have been.

SO, once I make one more update to each of those 4 fics, I’ll be putting them off to the side for a while and focusing on simpler one shots. Hopefully people will check those out too, it’s still me and my style, just smaller (and a friend joked that I don’t do small projects. A one shot for me is like 10-20k words).

After these updates, which in all honesty won’t be my greatest work, not that I’ve been excelling for a while, I am DONE doing shoddy unfinished work. No more.

Once these chapters are out I’ll be shifting to one shots for a temporary cool down so I can gather my thoughts and organize my ideas. This should mean when I come back to these the quality is better, my inspiration is restarted, and I can get back on track writing fluidly instead of struggling.

I have no idea how long this period of smaller works could last. I would estimate anywhere between 3-9 months, since I want a more long term period of separation. Too much focus and worrying has made dealing with them tedious, I just don’t want to have to worry about them for a bit.

As you can see from teh Future Ideas section of my Masterlist I have LOOOTS of ideas. A good number of WIPs were recently inspired by my friend Ren and his beautiful, dirty mind. No I am not working on all those works in the Future Ideas at the same time, this is just a list of ideas that have popped into my head over time. Some may eventually be dropped if I can’t work them properly, but I do have a good chunk of progress already done on a number of those, while others have a few paragraphs written, and some are pretty much a premise and a few sentences.

Do not expect all those to be finished soon. This is a VERY VERY long term look at my plans. Like, over the few years or more probably, knowing how slow I write and how annoyingly perfectionist I am. I will likely shift priorities around between all these as new ideas inspire me or old fics require attention, but from now on I plan on trying to focus the bulk of my attention on 2 or 3 projects at once. Sort of like an assembly plant; one fic in pre-production, one in the process of being built, and one getting the final touches. That way I can churn things out more efficiently. I think that's a much better way to balance all my fics than rushing to and fro manically.

DO NOT WORRY! Just because I have all these future plans doesn’t mean I’m abandoning any of my current fics; Bonds that Never Break, Canine Boys, Dogs Keep it in the Family, and Journey of a Pokemon Breeder Boy will still get attention and I have plenty of thoughts, notes, and plans for those going forward. This list of fic ideas is just a glimpse into my thought process and future plans, in addition to somewhere I can keep readers updated with my priorities (I’ll make updates here as well).

I know what you’re probably thinking. “Oh great, more fics you won’t update on time.” Or “Perfect, the one I like is being pushed aside by this new stuff.” Remember this semi-hiatus is only temporary. Most of the ideas I have in mind are one shots. And they aren’t as intensive as my current works, they’re a much needed break so I can refocus and collect ideas for the major projects. I’m not abandoning ANYTHING, NONE of my fics are getting dropped. I’m just taking a more long term view of things so I can stay in shape.

I’m deeply sorry if some people don’t want to deal with that and jump ship, I completely understand your frustration. I fully expect to lose some readers, much as that pains me. But most importantly I need to do what’s right for me.

There’s a saying, “The candle that that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” I’m at that point. I don’t want to burn bright with a few good chapters and end up burning myself out before really finishing anything.

[methargicismm]

Beginners guide for wlw mangas/manhwas

1. Tamen De Gushi (Ongoing)

Okay. Listen. This manhwa is for yall out there who just want a chill, innocent, non complicated, 50/50 fluff-to-humor ratio story. Blonde and Brunette. And listen, listen, listen... This is DIABETES worth sugar. The art style is really good too. It’s simple but somewhat sophisticated. So far it has 139 short chapters (about 12 pages per chapter). There’s a linear story to it, but it sometimes drifts to a completely different timeline. It updates about once a month, or sometimes once every two months. 11/12

2. Fluttering/Exciting Feelings (Ongoing/Currently in Hiatus due to Author’s health)

Before I even start with this, I got major Korrasami vibes out of it ho ly shit. Anyway, this manhwa is currently at chapter 68, and sad to say that the author may never continue the story again due to cancer and several other reasons. But I am still adding this manhwa to the list because it’s sooo good. It’s not as fluffy and humorous as Tamen De Gushi because later in the story, No-rae (brown hair) brings in some drama while Seol-a has drama of her own kind. The art is simple but it’s great enough to look amazing. Still though, the manhwa is great, but sadly... it might be discontinued :(. 10/12

3. Citrus [Saburouta] (Ongoing)

I like this manga. I like it a lot. The art is good anatomy wise, but sometimes it gets too.... much..... Here’s a note, though: These two are step sisters. Yes. You heard me right. There are a lot of love triangles, a lot of drama, a lot of “Im-gonna-kiss-her-wait-no-nvm” moments, but there are a lot of WELL-DRAWN kiss scenes and semi-sexual things. There is almost no story line? Well, there is, but it’s your typical high school plot. It barely updates, and it currently has 30 chapters. Probably updates once every two months. 8.5/12

4.  Yagate Kimi Ni Naru (Ongoing)

Yo, listen. This one is ....... VERY complicated. If you are planning on reading this story, I need you to know that this is as basic as I can put it: Nanami hates herself and doesn’t want her partner Yuu to fall in love with her, while Yuu is someone who can’t fall in love with someone. The art is simple but good god it’s really good *o*. It has fluff, but for every fluff there will always be some sort of angst right after or before it. There is certainly a plot line on this but it doesn’t focus too much on the plot. Characters are great and they have a personality of their own. Despite the “Im not in love” thing that is going on in this manga, there are many, many, cute parts. It updates about once every month or every two months. 10.5/12

5. The Love Doctor (Ongoing)

(PS: this image is misleading btw but it was too fucking cute) I. freaking. love. this. manhwa. so. much. Now, this has many, many fluff moments but it also has its bulk of angst and drama. Love(ish) triangles, dark past from both parties, and there IS an age gap between the two but I forgot how many years. Still though!!! It is worth a read! The art style is cute and light and adorable, but sometimes the emotions can start looking the same in each panel (especially for one of the characters). Updates, I believe, every month. 11/12

6. Pulse [Ratana Satis] (Ongoing)

Look at this art. Look at it. Isn’t it cute? Well, if you’re here for cute shit turn the fuck away cus this IS indeed cute, buuuuuut it also has sex scenes. There is also fluff and drama, and as you can see, one of them is a doctor. The art style is pretty well done and really sophisticated. I can’t remember if there’s an age gap? I’m pretty sure there is? Anyway!!! There’s a story, yes, and also a shitty ex that no one should like but everyone feels sorry for (for good reasons of course). 12/12

7. Magan & Danai / Magan he Danai (Ongoing)

This one reminds me of Tamen De Gushi a lot, BUT.... This one is directed to the life of two women who love each other and what happens in their daily life. The art is much more detailed that TDG, and the characters have very different personalities. Danai, the shorter one, is the more mature one but also the more feminine one while Magan, the taller one, is definitely a fucking cry baby. To be honest, idk how frequently it updates? But!!! Still!! Go watch!!! 11/12

8. What Does the Fox Say? (Ongoing, 2 chapters left)

Ho ly shit whe re to be gin...? Definitely not light. It is not full of fun or fluffy or innocent. This manhwa is dark, sexy, angsty, drama-filled, teeth gritting, and very complicated. VERY, VERY, VERY, Adult. A story with a beautiful young blonde who loves a much older boss, and the much older boss has a shitty ex that everyone loves who fucked up a lot but she has her reasons. This is one of those manhwas that you need to ANALYZE every. single. fucking. scene. It is one of those where each scene MEANS something and you have to keep a sharp eye even at the sex scenes. The art style is good. Not amazing, but decent enough. As I said, it ends in two chapters. It updates twice a month (from my observations). 12/12

*Note: These are all based on my observations

[onlystraightforjongup]

Forever With You

#151115WithBAP

Length: 6.9K

Summary:

Six snapshots of life from Matrix to the end of Honeymoon.  Featuring lots of cute ot6 feels and a lot of Baby cameos!

Daehyun stretched out along the couch, moving his head to Jongup’s lap and ignoring Youngjae’s huff as he dropped his feet into his lap.  He peered up at Jongup, who kept staring at his phone, seeming to not notice Daehyun’s intrusion into his personal space.  

“Jonguppie,” Daehyun said, reaching up to bat at his phone.  Jongup hesitated, and Daehyun could almost see him deciding whether to ignore him or not.  Daehyun tried to pout, but he couldn’t stop smiling.  His grin stretched even larger across his face when Jongup looked down, not even bothering to prompt Daehyun to speak.

“You excited for today?”

Jongup nodded, the corners of his lips curling up.  Daehyun grinned back, his heart jumping as he realized Jongup shared his own excitement. “What about you?” he kicked Youngjae in the chest.

Youngjae grabbed his foot and threw it away from him, almost sending Daehyun rolling off the couch.  “Dae, stop.”

“Yah, what was that?” Daehyun said.  “I just asked a question.”  Youngjae rolled his eyes.

“You kicked me.”

“So?”

Youngjae sighed, leaning back and raising his phone again.  Daehyun kicked him again.

“You excited?”

Youngjae grabbed his foot, this time holding it.  He nodded, and Daehyun could see his throat work.  Hah, and they called him emotional.  (Whether or not he’d cried this morning would not be mentioned.)

“Don’t cry,” Daehyun said, grinning as he teased him.  “The noonas just finished your makeup.”

“I’m not gonna cry.”  Youngjae cleared his throat as he spoke around the lump in it.  Daehyun giggled.

“Awww.”  He drew the word out, rubbing his foot against Youngjae’s chest and laughing when Youngjae threw his foot again, making Daehyun grab onto Jongup to stabilize himself.  Once his giddy giggles died down, Daehyun glanced up at Jongup.

He’d dropped his phone and now stared off to the side, no doubt considering what would happen that night.  Daehyun understood that.  His leg started bouncing, betraying restless energy, and Daehyun pressed it down with a hand before it could displace him from Jongup’s lap.

He understood the feeling.

“Youngjae?” Daehyun asked, waiting until Youngjae looked at him to speak again.  “Me too.”  He only just managed to squeeze the words out.  

“We’re coming back,” Youngjae said.  A small smile tugged on his lips.  Daehyun matched it, his heart fluttering.  He couldn’t say anything back, but he didn’t think he needed to, only twisting to sit up and bouncing in his seat.

Daehyun had spent the hiatus struggling to throw thoughts of them never coming back out of his head.  He’d tried to bury it, wanting to believe in Yongguk and believe in them and convince himself that of course it would all work out.

None of them had known for sure.  Daehyun had forgotten to breathe while their new contracts went from semi-official to signed and set in stone.  B.A.P came back.  The company’s fouls were buried – or, at least, they’d done their best to put them in the past.

And here they were, under better conditions and all together once again.  

He should be tired; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d last finished practice while still able to see the sun.  But of course he wasn’t.  They were about to go on stage, all six of them, once again.  Daehyun felt as though he’d stole the sun, he was so energized.

Youngjae slid closer to him, so their legs rested together.  “Are you ready?”

“Of course I am.”  Daehyun shoved down emotion, not letting himself get choked up again.  If he started crying then so would Youngjae and none of them needed that.

He looked back at Jongup, who had put his phone away and now met Daehyun’s look with a slightly-calmer version of his own crazy smile.

“The others should be done soon.”  They’d split the group into two to check mics and do their hair and makeup.  Yongguk, Himchan and Junhong should finish their makeup soon and join them.

From there on they’d only have thirty minutes until the showcase started, and it would be filled with warming up voices and laughter and excitement.  He had missed going on stage with the others so much.

Daehyun’s heart already pounded, full of excitement and anxiety that forced him to stand and walk back and forth in the room.

“What if they don’t like us anymore?” he asked.  “Since we were gone so long.”  Daehyun knew on some level his fears were unfounded; even over the hiatus, with just him on stage, their fans had come in a crazed force, chucking support and fan-gifts and questions at him.

At the time, he hadn’t been sure if he was grateful for it all, or if it just made everything hurt worse.  Now, he was grateful, more than he could ever say.

“They won’t,” Youngjae said.  “A lot of Babyz are excited.  It’s our time.”

“But still –”  Before he could finish, the others joined them.  Daehyun hadn’t seen any of them in full stage makeup in over a year.  He couldn’t help but run his eyes over them, and for a moment, they all stared at each other.

Yongguk surveyed all of them, and Daehyun’s heart jumped higher when they met eyes.

“Everyone ready?” Yongguk asked.  Daehyun heard Youngjae and Jongup stand behind him.

A part of him wanted to laugh: they must look so weird, all standing and staring at each other in their full makeup and not yet in their stage clothing.

Another part of him wanted to cry: he hadn’t seen them all together, all ready to go on stage after much too long.  His body thrummed with energy and fear and excitement, and Daehyun understood the feeling because he got it every concert, but this time felt so different.

Even during their very first stages, when they’d been hopeful and so eager-to-please, he hadn’t felt everything this strong.  Scanning the eyes of the others, he saw his own thoughts reflected in all of them.

No one had answered Yongguk, but he seemed to understand.  Without a word, he reached his hand out towards the center of them.  Himchan followed, putting his hand in too.  Youngjae took a stumbling step forward, and his hand followed Jongup’s and Junhong’s into the middle.

Daehyun took a final, deep breath, blood pounding in his ear and extended his hand in with the others.  They’d follow Yongguk anywhere.  They’d do anything for him.

He’d do anything for them too.

No one said anything.  No one had to.  All BAP, together again, hands in the middle and eyes scanning each other

They were ready.

---

Youngjae leaned against the mirror, taking a sip of his water and breathing heavy.  He glanced to the side, catching sight of his reddish hair in the mirror.  He’d only dyed it a couple days ago, and the change hadn’t set in yet.

One would think by now he’d gotten used to different hair colors, but it still always took a day or two to grow used to his appearance each time it changed.  Perhaps that was due to how his hair never changed all that much, as compared to say, Daehyun’s or Junhong’s.

When his hair changed to bright orange, it had taken him several days to not jump every time he caught sight of it in a mirror.  Daehyun had had a field day laughing at him for that, but Youngjae had brushed it off because he looked damn good with that hair, and he knew it.

Himchan sat down next to him, plopping beside him with a loud groan.  “Long day,” he said, wiping at sweat on his face.

“Mhmm.”   He normally didn’t mind dance practices, but as always, the fatigue of constant practices and preparations and recording grew on them all. The burst of extra work exhausted him – it exhausted all of them.

Youngjae wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Junhong and Jongup were working on some move on the side.  He watched them work on it, making miniscule adjustments until their movements matched each other perfectly.

Youngjae figured they’d all start learning that move in a couple minutes, after they finished their break.  He tilted his head against the mirror, resting his eyes until he heard Yongguk and Daehyun return from the water fountain, now carrying full bottles.

Without the extra push of a nearby camera, no one talked much, at least for the moment.  The other two joined Youngjae and Himchan without a word, sitting on the ground and sipping at their water.

Junhong and Jongup worked for another minute, ironing out some small discrepancy they’d noticed between their dance.  Youngjae thought they were lucky to have those two choreographing for them; he’d never get tired of watching them dance, and they’d grown into good teachers too.

They stepped over, completing their circle.  Youngjae glanced at the clock.  Five more minutes of a break, and then they’d start again.

“We should go out to eat tonight,” Daehyun said, throwing the idea out as though it wasn’t already after nine.

No one really answered, so Daehyun continued, “c’mon.  It’ll be fun, and we haven’t gone out together in forever.”  A flash of gratefulness rushed through Youngjae, and he couldn’t help but smile at Daehyun.

For all his loud, loud complaining and his ridiculous insistence that he and Youngjae had a perceivable maturity gap between them – actually, Youngjae agreed with that now he thought about it; he was considerably more mature than Daehyun - no one did more to keep them close than Daehyun, always pushing for them to go out and take photos together and laughing with that ridiculous smile which always cracked the rest of them up.

“Youngjaae.” Daehyun turned to look at him, drawing his name out almost into a whine.  He knew if anyone agreed, it would be Youngjae.

“I’d like that,” he said, true to form. “It’ll be fun.”  Even for all the times he’d wanted Daehyun to shut the **** up, he also couldn’t imagine having a different best friend – well, not without his life becoming considerably worse, at least.

“Where will we go?” Himchan said.  “We won’t get out of here until eleven.”

“We can just walk to a convenience store or something.”  Daehyun shrugged.  “Doesn’t matter.  Let’s just go out together.”  As he spoke, he slid closer to Jongup, leaning against him.   Jongup rested a hand on Dae’s knee, not quite so averse to Daehyun’s affection without a camera on them.

“I think we’re all a little tired tonight,” Yongguk said, glancing around at the others.  It was true.  Their past couple days had focused on the choreography, and as expected, long hours spent dancing led to sore muscles and physical exhaustion.

Daehyun nodded, deflating but not really upset.  He understood.

“We’ll go out sometime soon,” Himchan said, resting a hand on his shoulder.  Youngjae glanced at a clock, seeing their five minutes had passed.  Sighing, he pushed against the mirror, standing up.  The others followed suit, knowing well-enough by now there was no point in trying to delay longer.

Daehyun still pouted, looking down.  Youngjae understood how he felt, especially now he’d moved out and had a lonely apartment to look forward to, rather than a dorm with the other members.

“Hey,” Youngjae said, bumping his shoulder.  “I’ll grab something with you, if you want.”

Daehyun brightened, flashing him a wide smile.  He still looked tired, deep bags already well-formed under his eyes.  Nothing strange, really.  It was just another comeback.  He nodded, and Youngjae knocked into his shoulder again.

“Hey, take a selca with me,” Daehyun said, pulling out his phone. “I need to post something today.”

“Right now?” Youngjae said, raising his eyebrows.  “We’re all sweaty.”

“We won’t put our faces in it.”  He waved his phone, grinning.  “C’mon.  I have to post something.”

“Oh really?”

“We all know no one else is gonna do it.”  Daehyun rolled his eyes, pointing the phone at the mirror and telling Youngjae to stand still so he could get a photo of their shoes.

“Who even wants to see that?” Youngjae said, waiting for Daehyun’s go-ahead to move again.  He rolled his eyes when Daehyun showed him it, hiding a smile.  

“Lots of people,” Daehyun said.  “And it’s better than nothing.”

“It’s a shit post.”  Youngjae rubbed his shoulder when Daehyun punched him, rolling his eyes again and getting ready to start working on the dance again.  Daehyun met his eyes and grinned, and he couldn’t help but smile back.

Even tired, Youngjae couldn’t imagine doing anything other than this or doing this with any other people.

---

“Whatcha watching?” Youngjae asked, moving over to plop next to Junhong.

“I don’t know,” he said, realizing it was true as he said it.  He’d meant to pay attention, but he’d long ago stopped watching the tv.  Looking at it now, he saw a wide expanse of yellow grass and a lion.  “It’s about the savanna or something.”

“Isn’t that a desert?” Youngjae giggled, and Junhong glanced at it again, forcing open tired eyes.  It did look pretty sandy.  He shrugged.  “Sleepy Junhong.”  Youngjae reached up to play with his hair.  “You should go to bed.”

Junhong nodded, hiding a yawn which threatened to pop up as Youngjae mentioned sleep.  “You too.”

Youngjae agreed, but he leaned against Junhong and made no move to stand up.  Junhong could feel his body trembling against him.

“I’m surprised anyone can sleep.”  Now Youngjae yawned, breaking up his words.  “It’s so -” He broke off and shrugged.

Junhong slipped a long arm around Youngjae, setting it on his shoulder to calm him.  He understood what he meant.  With a tour about to start and full schedules planned for months and months, Junhong agreed it was a little overwhelming.  Or a lot overwhelming.  Majorly overwhelming.  

Junhong was glad Youngjae didn’t try to hide it, didn’t just send him off to bed like he would’ve done years ago.

He loved his hyungs and couldn’t be more grateful for everything he’d learned from them, but it had taken a long time for him to become more than a kid to them.  They’d always respected him, of course, and most of the time it never even bothered him.

In fact, Junhong hadn’t even realized it bothered him at all until he noticed how great it felt the first time Yongguk had approached him – of all people, him! – to admit he was struggling with the lyrics for one of their songs.

They’d gone to his studio, and Junhong had offered his opinion and ideas, and Yongguk had looked at him like an equal.  He’d never felt prouder in his life.

Junhong wished he understood it better.  He couldn’t even seem to explain it perfectly to himself, let alone to the others.

“I am too,” Junhong said.  The next morning they’d get on a plane and begin their world tour.  They’d had dinner hours ago, all together.  Then Daehyun and Yongguk had gone back to their apartments, and well, Junhong should have also left, but he’d found himself wanting to stay in the dorm, to stay near the others.

Stupid decision.  He needed sleep.  Not to mention he needed to say goodbye to his family.  He’d sent his brother a text about getting home late, and he’d seemed to understand, but Junhong couldn’t help but feel a little guilty over it.

But either way, he’d ended up staying in the dorm and watching a documentary on the savannah – or maybe the desert.  It was still playing, but now there was a lot of water, and Junhong wasn’t sure what animal was on the screen now.

As he watched, it grabbed a butterfly with a long tongue and swallowed it.  Interesting.  What a way for a butterfly to go.

It hit him that the documentary might cover different places all over earth.  No wonder it felt so jumpy.  Junhong understood the feeling.  He loved tours – their days were full of fans and new places and performances, but it often became a sensory overload.  Too much, all at once.

He looked forward to it, but he also would miss home. He’d miss the comfort of familiar things around him and his family.  New places and tours always brought these unknowns into their lives.

He loved them.  That’s one of the reason he loved performing so much.  But they also took a lot out of him.

“You’re still here?” Junhong’s mind registered Jongup’s voice even before he turned to glance at him.  He nodded.

“Can’t sleep.  Didn’t want to be alone.” he said.  Jongup hummed, moving over to sit next to him on the couch.  Youngjae’s eyes had dropped closed, but as Jongup sat, he raised his head and nodded at him.

Jongup didn’t say anything else; instead, he also leaned against Junhong, turning his eyes towards the documentary.  For a long while, none of them said anything, all pretending to watch the strange show.

Junhong thought they understood exactly how he felt.  He was lucky to have friends who understood him even when he couldn’t explain it.

“We’re going to be so busy,” he said.  “I wish we had more time to explore.”

“We’ll make a little time,” Youngjae said, mumbling the words against his shoulder.  “Do some fun stuff.”

“Like what?”

Youngjae shrugged.  “Dunno.  What’s there to do in the world?” He nodded towards the TV screen, where an advertisement for some large-portioned breakfast restaurant chain was playing.  “We’ll get real Belgian waffles.”

“Are we even going to Belgium?”

“Shhhh.”

Junhong chuckled and watched Youngjae close his eyes again.

After a long while, his eyes began to droop.  Youngjae’s breaths had evened out, and Jongup had stilled against his other shoulder.  Junhong would have been more comfortable in his bed, but the warmth of his friends against him and the soft sounds of the tv in the background calmed him.

He’d even call it serene with Jongup and Youngjae there.  With a soft sigh, Junhong settled into the couch.  Junhong would stop by his house in the morning to get his stuff and say goodbye.  His family had become accustomed to his crazy schedules throughout the years; they wouldn’t mind.

He rested his head on top of Youngjae’s, letting it fall into a more comfortable position.  Youngjae let out a quiet protest, but he’d always been a heavy sleeper.

Junhong had always been the sore one out in that regard.  Even Yongguk, when he finally did sleep, ended up dead to the world.  He’d gotten better over the years, but he’d always been the quickest to wake when, say, Daehyun dropped the coffee pot again in the morning or if Jongup threw his phone against the wall when the alarm went off.

Junhong had learned how to expel thoughts from his mind years ago, when his nerves used to keep him awake.  He used to sit up in bed, his head almost brushing the ceiling as he listened to the others sleep, soft breathing coming from all over the room as all six of them tried to sleep in a single, small room.

Somehow, that had turned into Yongguk checking up on him, even sometimes switching with Daehyun for the top bunk so they could stay up whispering, and Yongguk would know when he finally fell asleep.

The thought now made him smile, and he wondered if Yongguk had already fallen asleep or if he planned on staying awake.  He’d gotten better about that recently, though Junhong knew he’d never sleep as much as he should.

Just as he started to drift off, the tv let out a loud roar.  Junhong jumped, nearly dislodging both Youngjae and Jongup.  Youngjae groaned and raised his head, blinking at Junhong, who stared at the tv.

Two huge walruses crashed together with another roar.  Youngjae seemed to register what had happened at the same time as Junhong, and both started giggling.  Shaking, Youngjae grabbed the remote and flipped the documentary off.

He and Junhong met eyes, and Youngjae smiled wider, pointing at Junhong’s other side.  Somehow Jongup had managed to sleep through it.

Still giggling, Youngjae leaned back against him.  Junhong couldn’t hold back his own small giggles, blinking heavy eyes and finally letting them close again.

Only a short time later, Himchan would find them, all curled together and still asleep.

---

Himchan groaned, rubbing at his eyes with both hands.  Jongup opened an eye, glancing at him.  He agreed.  They’d had an exhausting day, and he wished they were heading back to the dorms, rather than a hotel.

While he loved Japan, and he always enjoyed meeting their fans, he missed the familiarity of Korea.  For as much as they travelled, he’d never been able to shove away a final drop of homesickness which liked to sneak up on him.

Daehyun nudged him, grinning when he looked up.  Jongup tried to look away again.  He loved Daehyun, really, but he tended to handle exhaustion by trying to hype the others up with him, and Jongup did not want to be hyped.  

They’d done several more interviews, all in Japanese.  Jongup always felt a little more uncomfortable whenever he only caught every other word of the interview, even though zoning out during interviews was a pretty common thing for him.

It wasn’t like they asked anything new.  He’d learned to recognize the Japanese word for “rose” real quick, and he’d gotten “who would you like to buy roses for, Jongup?” at least three times already.  Jongup wondered if they really expected him to give any answer but “Babyz” at this point.

Himchan swatted at Daehyun, ending any of Daehyun’s attempts to rouse them before it could start.  “We don’t need any of that.  Let him rest.”  Jongup looked up, thankful that someone had told Daehyun to tone it down.  He generally didn’t mind Daehyun’s – well, Daehyun – but wow, he was tired.  Himchan seemed to realize that, as he so often did with the members.

Jongup couldn’t help but smile at him, even if Himchan had gone back to staring out the window.  Out of all them, sometimes Himchan seemed the most comfortable with the constant changes of scenery.  He liked to watch and try to take it all in, he’d said once, years ago when Jongup asked him.  Jongup liked new places as much as anyone else, but right now, he liked sleep a little more.

It wasn’t like the nonstop touring and promotions and everything surprised him; they pushed crazy schedules all the time.  This week had been worse than most, though.

He’d been more stressed this comeback than most.  In every interview, it seemed people wanted him to sing and to show off, and on one hand, Jongup couldn’t help the spark of pride every time they recognized him as a singer, but on the other, it exhausted him.

“You okay, Jonguppie?” Daehyun nudged him with a gentle hand.  Jongup forced his eyes open to look at him, seeing his concern.  He’d changed in the past couple years.  Knew when to stop now, maybe.  Sometimes, at least.

Jongup forced himself to nod.

“Just tired.”  The words came out mumbled, but he trusted Daehyun would figure them out.  Daehyun reached over and ran his hand over Jongup’s back in a comforting motion.  A long time ago, Jongup would have preferred Daehyun to just leave him alone entirely, but he’d learned to appreciate the soft touches and physical comfort.

For now, he didn’t care much either way.  He just needed sleep.  Jongup looked around, seeing that Youngjae had already fallen asleep, and Himchan had closed his eyes, though he still looked too stiff to really be sleeping.

Finally, he let his own eyes fall shut, not bothering to glance around and find Yongguk and Junhong.  Jongup had always prided himself on his ability to knock out no matter where they were; it helped him more often than anyone would guess, considering how little sleep they got on a regular basis.

Tonight, his mind wanted to keep running, and his thoughts wandered as he closed his eyes.

He’d had a dream the night before – not a particularly interesting one, but one of a type he got rather often.  Only when he closed his eyes did it come back to him, half-forgotten and only visible on the backs of his eyelids.

They all stood on stage, with a weird celestial projection above them and pixie dust dropping down around them.  At least it hadn’t been real rain.  Youngjae often told stories about his weird dreams, ones with robots or acid rain and people with claws, and well, Jongup sometimes wondered how Youngjae got any rest at all with dreams like that.

In one of his less kind moments, he’d also thought that explained a lot about Youngjae, but he tried not to think like that too often about his friends.

Jongup had his share of strange dreams – ones with brains in boxes and after the fans started calling his arms Cheetos, he’d had one where they were, and Daehyun tried to eat – he stopped that particular train of thought there with a small shake of his head.  If he wanted to sleep, he didn’t need that.

He’d always been strangely good at controlling his thoughts, and he let himself get lost in his memories from the dream he’d had last night.

Daehyun’s hand had clasped his shoulder, pulling him into a hug.  Beautiful, glistening stars hung over their heads.  Golden light filtered in from behind them, somehow warmer than the usual harsh light.  Skin-tight pants made his dancing harder, but he’d learned to deal with that years ago.

The song started, and he jumped into a dance. He couldn’t really tell what song they’d started, but it didn’t matter, because the sky opened up into rain and lightning struck down around them, and huh, okay, so maybe the dream had been scarier than he realized.

Jongup still kind of loved it.

---

Somehow, no matter how many songs they finished, the giddy, unreal feeling when Yongguk looked at the saved, finished, approved audio file for the first time never disappeared.

He’d never figured the feeling out, but if he had to guess, he’d call it the sheer sense of accomplishment – that he was listening to their voices on a song they wrote.  Except, that accomplishment also mixed with anticipation for the future – filming and choreographing and promoting and everything that came with them releasing new music.

This time – this song – felt even more special, and Yongguk couldn’t pull a smile off his face as he stared at it.  For God’s sake, he wasn’t even listening to it.  He was only staring at the file.

Honeymoon.

It had taken them a long time to get to Blue.  A year ago, he wouldn’t have called them unhappy – far from it, but he also never would have written “but I’m freer than I’ve ever been.”  So much had changed.

Sometimes it seemed like he – and Himchan too – had focused so much on their dongsaengs, on their careers, that they’d both floundered.

First had come Noir, and Yongguk still couldn’t help the pride that raced through him when he considered that album.  It was one of his greatest achievements, and almost a year later, he still smiled at the thought of it.

But the smile was bittersweet, because it had come with a price.  For Yongguk it had ended the time where he’d been able to ignore his panic disorder and push it to the side.  He’d had to admit to the others, and their wide eyes as he told them he needed time haunted him for a long time.

They’d supported him; of course they had.  But that didn’t mean the idea of going on without their leader for some time hadn’t terrified them.

Yongguk had destroyed the memories of their concerned looks and poorly-hidden fear – for him, for all of them – under memories they’d made more recently.

He’d returned with Rose, with lyrics full of anger at the world and hoping to inspire inner-strength – the same strength he’d found over the hiatus.  The entire comeback felt lighter, more manageable for him because of the ways he’d grown.

But his hiatus and the pressure on Himchan had hurt him, leading to Himchan’s injuries and once again, they were missing a member for promotions.  Himchan had pushed through it the best he could, until they’d finally convinced him to stop, to heal and return stronger.

Yongguk knew Himchan well enough to understand how badly he worried about it and blamed himself for it.

But he had returned, and now they came back again with Blue.  This time, all six of them would promote together, and they’d stand on stage with a beautiful, happy song.

When he’d been younger, Yongguk had thought meaningful songs focused on tragedy.  He’d written meaningful, heart-wrenching songs with tired eyes and shaking hands as pages blurred before him.  An easy mistake; so many bad things happened around the world – what else was there to talk about?

It took him going through his own journey, his own personal growth to realize he didn’t need to fix the world to feel pride in himself.

It had been damn hard to keep going at parts, and he’d struggled.  They’d all struggled.

Honeymoon acknowledged those problems and fears from the other side – the free side with its palm trees and bright colors.  Yongguk wouldn’t forget the blood lost in his battles for personal happiness, and he would never trivialize the problems.

But it felt amazing to focus on how far they’d come, rather than the struggles of it all.  Today was a happy day.

Yongguk grinned at the computer, his heart thumping in his chest.  He’d play Honeymoon for the others tonight; they’d known he’d get the file today, and as tradition called for, were planning to all listen to it together.

As much as he wanted to hear it, he forced himself to wait, instead saving the file and leaving it at that.  He turned the computer off.  They still had work to do – other songs to record, dances to learn, performances to plan.  He’d do those later, on other nights.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Yongguk opened their group chat.  Over a hundred messages since he’d last opened.  He shook his head, unsure how everyone managed to keep a constant stream of conversation with their schedules.

Yongguk had opened the chat yesterday – or perhaps the day before.  He’d promised Himchan to check it at least once a day, but so often his friends talked so much, and it took Yongguk ten minutes to even comprehend the current conversation, let alone add to it.

Junhong had responded last, just a quick ‘keke.’

Himchan had asked what Junhong was doing before that.  Well – that was a concerning response but no matter.  It had happened hours ago anyway.  Perhaps it was a meme he didn’t yet know; he tended to only learn about them if the other members started mentioning it on a regular basis.

Yongguk sighed, starting to type.

Before he could finish, his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, hyung!” Youngjae.  He hadn’t bothered to look at the caller ID before he answered it.  “We’re starting dinner now.  Will you be back soon?”

Yongguk smiled.  “On my way.”  He glanced back at his computer, watching it finish shutting down before he stood and grabbed his back, packing his things into it.  Youngjae cheered over the phone.

“See you soon!” Before Youngjae hung up, Yongguk could hear him begin yelling again.  “Daehyun, what are –”

Yongguk smiled at his phone, pausing for another moment to look back around his studio.  With a happy sigh, he left to join the rest of his group.

---

“What would you change about the member sitting to your left?” The interviewer smiled at them as she spoke.  Himchan fixed a polite nice expression back onto his face as he glanced around.  Looks like he’d talk about Youngjae.

He didn’t mind interviews; sometimes, he enjoyed their more creative ones, and classic interviews such as this one had become such an accepted routine that he could do them with his eyes closed.

Emphasis on the “could.”  With how little sleep they’d gotten in the last couple days, Himchan wished he could actually do the interview with his eyes closed.

Still, not too much longer.  This interview was one of the last before they ended promotions, in only three days.

Another comeback – come and gone.  Somehow it felt as though it had been forever since they’d begun performing and promoting “Honeymoon,” and sometimes it felt as though the entire cycle happened within a couple hours.

Everything had slurred together.  They were all tired.  Himchan pulled himself back to the interview, just in time to hear Youngjae’s answer.

“I’d change where Jongup sleeps because he’s got a better room than mine.”  A silly answer, of course.  Jongup smiled at it, letting out a small, amused huff as he took the microphone.  They’d gotten closer since the others had moved out of the dorm.

Youngjae had refused to let Himchan have the biggest room of their new apartment without playing a game for it first.  As though Youngjae ever had a chance; Himchan had never met someone worse at games of luck.

He’d also never met someone who needed luck to help him less than Youngjae did.  It always shocked Himchan how much he could fit into one day.  He’d brought it up before, both worried and proud, but Youngjae had dodged the questions, a blush growing on his face as his efforts were recognized.

“You were the one who wanted to play that game to choose, hyung.”  Jongup spoke towards Youngjae, holding the microphone close enough to catch the words but addressing Youngjae rather than the audience.

Youngjae had complained that Himchan and Jongup would end up spending a lot of nights together anyway, and Jongup had shrugged and offered to take the smallest room.  Himchan figured his easy acquiescence surprised Youngjae, especially since they all knew Youngjae had argued for the sake of arguing.

Perhaps that was why Jongup agreed at all because it came as no surprise when Youngjae continued arguing and pushing the matter.

Now Youngjae had ended up with the smallest room.  It didn’t really matter to any of them, even if Youngjae rolled his eyes any time he saw Himchan and Jongup in the same room late one night.  A smile pulled at Himchan’s lips – as though Youngjae never slipped into their rooms either.  The three of them had spent more nights than Himchan could count all together in the dorm, more lonely than they’d like to admit without the others.

Even though they’d now settled, Himchan couldn’t see that particular tradition ending anytime soon.

Jongup glanced at Daehyun, who had a hand resting on Jongup’s leg.  “Daehyun-hyung thinks he has to go through things alone sometimes.”  A more serious answer.  Himchan had expected Jongup to say something about Daehyun’s constant affection, and so had Daehyun, if his surprised look meant anything.  Of course, Jongup tended to shock them to this day; he’d always been an enigma.

Himchan had to agree with him.  Daehyun sometimes was… more than any of the others.  Louder, more extreme, the quickest to pronounce his love for any and all of them, but also the quickest to doubt himself and the first to question things.

No one understood how unfounded his insecurities were better than Daehyun, and so he buried them under a smile and a giant laugh until he’d dealt with them in private.

He’d gotten better, but there’d been times where Daehyun had bottled everything up so well that it surprised them all when he mentioned them, usually in retrospect and occasionally to the public at the same time as to the others.

Daehyun’s personal strength mattered a lot to him.  He’d grown a lot in the past couple years, something which their fans and even the members could forget sometimes.  It always made Himchan smile when he saw Daehyun do something with honest pride in himself, not exaggerating, not dramatic, just something which meant everything to Daehyun.

Watching him stand on stage for Napoleon had meant everything for them.  And everything for Daehyun, who seemed to treat every time the members supported him as though it surprised him.  He’d grown much more comfortable in his own beautiful golden skin.  Himchan couldn’t be more proud of him for it.

Daehyun took the microphone without adding anything to Jongup’s comment.  He turned and glanced up at Junhong, grinning at him.  “Junhonggie needs to stop being so quiet.”  Daehyun still smiled, but it had changed into a more serious look.  “He should take more credit for what he can do.”

It seemed Daehyun would continue what Jongup had started with more serious answers.  Once again, this was something Himchan agreed with.  Junhong had grown up and improved so much, but for all he shared with the world, Junhong hid a lot of his talent too.

They were lucky to have such a talented maknae.  Junhong had chosen to join them and threw his faith into B.A.P at a time where he’d had his entire adolescence still stretched out before him.  He’d grown from a skinny beanpole into a broad-shoulder, (much, much) too tall man.

For the others, Himchan had watched the changes, and that lightened their impact on him.  As Daehyun mellowed and Youngjae pursued every interest he found worthy, Himchan had watched their progress.  It wasn’t until he considered them from years ago to them now that the magnitude of the changes hit him.

Junhong was different.  He seemed to bounce back and forth sometimes, no doubt because he needed to figure out who he was more than anything else.  Himchan found it more impressive than he’d ever been able to say that Junhong had managed to grow up as a member of their unit and in the public’s eye, but still carved out his own individuality.

No one had changed more over the years, and watching him grow – both with his technique but then also just grow into Junhong, the adult and not Junhong, their cute baby – filled Himchan’s heart to such a full capacity he worried the world could hear his heart beating.

He hoped Junhong would also learn how to share everything with the world.  He’d improved with that in the past years, writing his own lyrics, choreographing, saying messages that mattered – sometimes Himchan could see Yongguk in him, for as different as they were – but Himchan couldn’t wait to see how much further he’d go.

Junhong had started to - he’d made a bunch of international friends, creating music and throwing ideas out with people from all over the world.  Himchan had heard him talk about a couple of them - Zain, Dani, Halley - but most times he got all blushy and shy if any of them asked.  Cute kid.

Himchan loved how sure he could be that Junhong would pursue exactly what he wanted to do in the future.

“Yongguk-hyung cut his hair recently.  He should regrow it.”  Yongguk grinned at Junhong.  Himchan wasn’t surprised he’d said something more light-hearted again.  Interviewers had tried to wheedle criticism out of Junhong for years, and even he and the other members had pushed him to say something about Yongguk before.

That boy would do anything for Bang Yongguk.

Sometimes he wondered what they did to deserve Junhong, who’d grown up so fast but had a stronger foundation and a sweeter personality than most his age.

Yongguk took the microphone, and Himchan watched as he glanced towards him.  Right, of course.  He’d almost forgotten Yongguk would say something about him.

Himchan waited, not quite sure what Yongguk would say.  He could think of an entire list of things to change, from things he’d been working on forever to things he’d never had a chance to start.

Sometimes it seemed so obvious his dongsaengs had grown – and even Yongguk had grown; no one could compare him now to him a year ago and not see it.  But Himchan felt static, stuck as though he was a complacent figure going through life and not an active player.

He hated it.

“Himchan is always proud of us.  I wish he’d be more proud of himself too.”  Yongguk glanced at him as he said it, the serious look in his eyes making Himchan need to swallow hard.

For as long as he’d been a part of B.A.P, it still sometimes shocked him when one of the other members managed to read him so well.  He knew himself well enough to recognize he had misleading layers.  There’d been times in his younger years where he’d realized his friends just… didn’t know him.

He’d hated it.  He hadn’t known how to change it.

But now – he’d found an entire group of people who saw him, really saw him past all the fluff and exterior confidence.  He generally regarded himself as good with words but knowing the others cared about him as much as they did, loved him as much as they did, meant more to him than he could ever say.

He'd thank Yongguk later, or at least try to find the words for it.  But for now –

He laughed, taking the mic from Yongguk.  “You’re right; I’m the best.”  Himchan grinned at Yongguk, who rolled his eyes, not even finished the fake-annoyed motion before looking back with his gummy smile.  “Don’t look at me like that,” Himchan said.  “You know I’m right.”

[tracklist-fic]

Tracklist Fic | 0 / Prelude

Title: Tracklist | An original, mature, Ed Sheeran fanfic CO-AUTHORED BY: @tea-and-toblerones and @sippin-on-red-wine Rating: Mature (SMUTS my dahhhling, SMUTS)

Note: ARE YOU GUYS FREAKING OUT????!!! CAUSE WE ARE! This will be a full-fledged Chapter fic. We are DYING to know what you think so please comment/reblog/inbox/anon and spill the beans!

"You nervous Jac? Today's the big day. The first client you'll handle yourself. Now this is a big step but I have faith you'll do just fine."

I took a deep breath in an attempt to hide my nerves. This was the first day I was at the controls. I had been looking forward to this day for weeks. As soon a Mark had brought up that he'd be comfortable letting me handle stuff solo or as he described it guidance from afar, I felt the butterflies hit. It's what I've been working so hard towards. Now that it was finally happening I couldn't believe it. He paused outside the recording room, his hand on the door knob.

"Now, I've put you with our easiest client. They're laid back, not harsh, not overly critical. They're patient and are completely understanding." They must be the closest thing to training wheels I get. "They're also very hands on with the whole process so you'll be working pretty long days elbow to elbow with them." His voice grew a little sterner, "Now I will be checking over your work to make sure it's up to snuff and will sit in on a few sessions just to make sure you're doing everything correctly."  His face broke into a smile, all previous sternness gone. "Now, are you ready to see who you're going to be working with?"

I nod, taking another deep breath, my excitement levels creeping up to near maximum. This is it. My dream is finally coming true. This is my first big step in the music world.

Mark opens the door, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with who's ever on the other side of the door. He turns back to me, motioning for me to come in. My eyes grow wide in shock when I'm staring Ed Sheeran in the face. I thought I had caught a glimpse of surprise flash behind his eyes but whatever I saw was quickly replaced with a warm and friendly smile.

Oh no.

"Jac, I'd like you to meet Ed." Mark smiles, practically bouncing with excitement. Oh no, no... "Ed, this is my intern and apprentice Jaclyn."

Ed offered out his hand, which I took, the shock still evident on my face. Ed smiled as he grasped my hand "It's a pleasure to meet you. Jaclyn. I have a feeling we're going to get along just fine."

This can't be happening.

Mark laughed, clapping his hands together, the sudden loud noise making me flinch. "I knew you'd be surprised that it's such a huge powerhouse in the music world. It was worth keeping it all a surprise from you just to see your reaction!  Not only is he huge, this is his big album after coming back from a year's hiatus!" He was still beaming, "We won't start anything serious until tomorrow so I'll leave you two to figure out scheduling and whatever else might need ironed out." He shook Ed's hand one more time before walking out the door.

As soon as Mark left I sank down into the couch, grinding the heels of my hands into my eyes. I hear Ed’s footsteps growing closer to me. I expected to feel the couch sag beside me but the soft shuffle told me he had decided to perch himself on the table instead. I raised my head to see him staring at me with a smug look on his face, his arms coming up, crossing his chest.

"Fancy meeting you here, Jac."

This is a nightmare.

THE NIGHT BEFORE…..

It was just a typical Wednesday night at Copperstill, the bourbon bar I worked at part-time to help pad my lowly intern-salary. It had that 'modern rustic’ vibe that’s so on-trend, which basically means it's filled with expensive new pieces that are made to look old and scuffed up. Whatever. It was more than supplemental to my income, and that's what mattered. It wasn't uncommon to see well-known or well-off patrons in the bar, which meant Big Tips. That's what I'm about.

Unfortunately one of the regular customers is my skeezy ex-boyfriend, Dylan, and his little posse of frat-boy idiot friends. They drink cheap beer, shoot pool, call each other by their last names only.. and oh, they don't tip well.

When Dylan (Newman, to his 'bros’) and I broke up, he actually tried to 'claim’ this bar as his, saying it's the main hangout for his 'crew’. Even though I’ve worked here for years. Asshat. Obviously I'm not quitting the job that pays most of my bills, so here we are, unwillingly spending a lot of time sharing the same oxygen.

I wasn't proud to admit that it hadn't exactly been a clean break, if you know what I mean. There's a fair bit of alcohol DRINKING involved with being the person doing the alcohol SERVING, what a novel idea. Anyway, that usually meant that by the end of the night, I was buzzed and a little horny. Dylan was an asshat, sure, but he still had a six pack. What can I say, your girl's got needs. And he can be really great, sometimes. I hadn't really gotten closure from our messy break-up.

But Dylan was in rare form tonight, hitting on a particularly fake-looking blonde in the bar. Fun times.

At least it was pretty steady, plenty of patrons coming in and out. I was slinging drinks left and right and time had been flying. Until I noticed a certain ginger-haired celebrity quietly slip in and take a seat at the bar.

His signature tattoos were covered by the long sleeves of a plaid flannel shirt, buttons agape, hanging open, a plain white tee peeking out underneath. He was semi-incognito in a black baseball cap, but his coppery-red hair was untidy and stuck out in tufts under his hat. I took his order and hearing the British accent made it official: Ed Sheeran was in my bar… alone.

We often had lesser-known or less recognizable celebrities here, not quite anyone of his caliber. I mean, there's only one #1 streamed artist in the world and… yup, he’s it. But between my experience at the bar, and the handful of popular musicians I had worked with so far in my internship, I wasn't too badly starstruck. In the beginning it had surprised me how these people were just… people. They talked about the weather or news and ate the same things I did and overall, just wanted to be treated normally. And so I got Ed Sheeran a cold pint and went about my job.

“Yo! Jac! Round of Snakebites for the boys?” Dylan just shouted clear across the bar, instead of coming up and ordering something like a decent human being. I pretended not to hear him. I'm a bartender, not a medieval beer wench.

I was at the end of the bar refilling the beer cooler when I noticed Ed trying to flag me down, so I wiped my hands on my jean shorts and made my way over to where he was perched up on his barstool.

“Hi again. Do you have food here?” He asked, rather politely. I reached back next to the till and grabbed a menu.

“Not a huge selection, but everything we have is great. Here, have a look,” and I casually handed him the one-sheet menu. He glances at it quickly.

“Alright, I'll have the loaded fries, please. But could you do salsa on the side? And maybe skip the bacon, oh and and I don’t like the onions. Actually, no jalapenos either, please, I got wicked heartburn last time I had them.”

“So… you want cheese fries?”

“Well, we call it ‘chips & cheese’ in England but.. erm, yeah, I guess I do.”

“No problem, I'll put that in for you. Shouldn't take too long… cause, y’know.. No toppings.”

He snorted, apparently able to laugh at his own expense. I appreciated that about him.

“Say, is this satellite TV?” He asked, pointing up to the neat row of flatscreens mounted above the bar. I nodded. “Could you turn the football game on?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s Wednesday, there’s no football on tonight.” I grimaced internally, realizing that I actually knew the days of the week that NFL games were played. Another awesome thing I gained from my relationship with Douchey Dylan.

“No, love, football. Footie? Soccer?” First of all, who ya calling ‘love’, buddy? Second, he was flailing his hands all around as he talked. Kinda weird.

“Oh, yeah, I gotcha. You’ve been away from America too long, evidently.”

“It’s my first week back, actually, I’ve been--”

“Away. Out of the spotlight for a while.” I finished for him, matter-of-factly. I caught a glimpse of the macho men behind Ed’s shoulder doing some kind of secret bro handshake.

“How’d you…?”

“Who doesn’t know? Wasn’t born yesterday, man. Shit, do people ever really pretend not to know who you are? You don’t exactly blend into a crowd, no offense.”

“Cheers to that,” He held up his pint glass to toast me.

“Oh, I’m not drinking tonight.”

Just then, one of Dylan’s friends moseyed up onto the bar. He was wearing a light-wash denim jeans, the kind that are distressed before you buy them, and a super tight black tee shirt. It looked like it came from Baby Gap.

“Where are the Snakebites?” he asked.

“Uh, no one ordered any?” I retorted.

“Didn’t you hear Newman before?”

I rolled my eyes and went to work making a tray of the disgusting shots. The sour, gold liquid sloshed out of the shot glasses on the tray when I slid it back in front of one of the gorilla guys. “Thirty eight dollars.” The guy threw down two crumpled twenty dollar bills, took the tray and left.

“You’re right, I have been away from America a long time. Do people talk to you like that all time?” Ed asked.

“No, they’re just a special kind of stupid.” I shrugged, tilting my head over to the group of guys.

I cashed out the shots order at the register and then decided to pour myself a cocktail after all. The bar had cleared out a little bit, and to be honest, I needed a little something to take the edge off. Especially if I was going to have to watch Dylan subtly flexing his muscles in front of the blonde bimbo he was trying to impress.

I mixed myself a double and stuck a straw in, taking a long sip.

“Changed your mind about that drink?” Ed Sheeran piped in again. Probably shouldn’t have come to the bar alone if you’re in a chatty mood, pal.

“Turns out I’m gonna need it.”

“What’s that you’re drinking?”

“I call it a Painkiller. Vodka, tequila and grapefruit juice.”

“I’ll take one of those next, please.”

Ed ……..

She seemed like a really cool girl. Something feisty about her, too. ‘Spose you need that to be a bartender, especially since douche-bag fuckboys tended to travel in packs. Watching her work had won my attention over the footie match. She was polite to other patrons, but not overly peppy or talkative. All about business. I cracked up when one of the Ed Hardy jean-wearing guys put on some kind of EDM song on the TouchTunes, and she promptly switched it off and replaced it with a Jimi Hendrix tune, Watchtower.

I couldn’t help but admire her long, toned legs, her skin tanned from the California sun. She was wearing these high-waisted denim shorts that fit her body like a glove, and this pretty white tanktop that was all made up of rope and straps in the back, her tan skin peeking through the whole way down. But the shirt was modest in the front and she had finished off the outfit with a pair of teal blue chucks. Her sandy-blonde hair was pulled up into a ponytail high on her head, the long waves spilling out and running down her neck. Her eyes were green, I think. I wanted to get a closer look.

She was gorgeous, no argument there.

I watched her pull out a tube of chapstick and apply some to her lips, which looked full and soft and were a pale raspberry color. I found myself first wondering what they would taste like…. And as she tucked the little tube back down into the denim of her shorts, fitted so snugly on her tight hips, I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like in other places, too...

Jac……..

A couple hours had passed. Dylan was open-mouthed kissing the blonde in front of the dart board while several of his ‘bros’ cheered him on. I’d had enough Painkillers that I knew I would most definitely have a headache at work in the morning. And Ed Sheeran just seemed to get chattier and chattier the more he drank. Which is great, unless you’re a miserable, sarcastic bitch, like myself. Blonde Bimbo was all giggles and lip bites and pouty faces. All that stuff was so not me. No wonder you’re going home alone, J.

“... so yeah, it’s at this really cool old theatre, ‘The Time’, have you heard of it?” Oh, was Ed still talking?

“Sorry, what?” You asked, not bothering to hide the fact that you totally weren’t paying attention.

He laughed. “You seem distracted.”

“Sorry,” I wasn't sure what to say. Sorry, my ex-boyfriend-still-lover has practically unlatched his jaw to suck face with a Barbie-doll lookalike right in front of me? Sorry, you're a Grammy-award winning singer/songwriter and even *that* can't snap me out of the downward spiral I'm in?

“Do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe get a proper drink when you're off work, catch a movie or something?”

Wait, what?

“Are you seriously asking me out?” I asked, incredulously. “Uh, you don't even know my name.”

“Well, yeah, I guess I am innit?” He flashed a dopey grin my way.

“Hey, I’m flattered, I’m just not really… looking...”

“Have you got a boyfriend?” He asked.

“Nope.”

“Girlfriend?”

I could feel my face getting flushed. Was Ed Sheeran seriously asking me on a date? He shifted his posture and ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it up again. I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to do that to him...

I snapped back to reality.

“Nope. Just not really looking to, ah, date, right now.”

“Does that mean you're open to other… activities?” Ed shrugged off the flannel shirt, exposing the rainbow designs splashed all up and down his arms. Was he suddenly warm, or trying to illustrate a point?

Either way, it got my attention.

“I hadn't pegged you as a hit-it-and-quit-it kinda guy,” I replied, straightening my posture a bit. I was suddenly a little more aware of my physical presence, clad in short denim cutoffs that bordered on the line of distasteful, but kept the tip jar flowing.

“No -- I’m, that's not what I meant --” he stammered.

I glanced up at the clock. “Well, my shift is ending in about twenty minutes.” I said, matter-of-factly.

His jaw hung open a bit. “Okay. I'm do--, okay, yeah.”

“My place.”

“Okay. Are you going to tell me your name, now?”

“I don't really think you need my name, just for… activities.”

I had told Ed to meet outside by my car while I punched out. I slipped out the backdoor of the bar and sure enough, there he was, leaning up against my car with a sly grin painted across his face.

Okay, Jac, here's your last chance. Is this really a good idea? No? But he looks so… fucking sexy.

I crossed the small parking lot to where he was standing. I reached out to touch him, apprehensive at first, but then he pulled my face into his and his lips were on mine and they were pillow soft, but still rough and pressing on mine. All apprehension flew out the window at that moment.

The kiss breathed life into me, and I grasped his shoulders and pressed his back flat up against the side of my little SUV, letting my tongue implore his mouth, finally breaking that barrier. He was a really, really great kisser. His hands explored my body while our tongues explored each other's mouths. I really wanted to touch his silky mop of ginger hair, so I reached out and removed his ball cap, placing it backwards on my own head instead. He took advantage of my slight distraction and flipped me up against the car, his palms rubbing down my sides and onto my hips as I dug into that wild mess of red curls, threading my fingers through it, it's even better than I expected... He pressed the full length of his body against mine, and I was surprised to feel his cock already hardening through his jeans. Fucking hot.

I broke our connection, both of us coming up for air from that long and heady kiss. He pulled away from my body and I pouted instantly, I wanted him back, the pressure of his body felt so good, so right…

“How far is your place?” He breathed.

“Twenty minutes or so?” I was already panting.

“...Fuck.” Yeah, man, me too. Me. Too. Twenty minutes suddenly seemed like an eternity.

I grabbed the handle to the rear passenger door and swung it open. “In.” It wasn't a question.

He slipped into the warm, black leather backseat and I climbed up in after him, straddling his lap.

I could finally reach his mouth again and ravaged it with enthusiasm, the kiss turning more and more frenzied as my hips bucked around over the top of his pelvis.

He was the one to break away this time.“Damn… you are so beautiful… let me see you?” And he tugged up at the hem of my top, yanking it up and over my head.

My tank was sort of backless, so I hadn't worn a bra.

But Ed was all over me, his flattened hands running over my belly, my ribcage, my lower back, his mouth on my neck, and decolletage, then shoulder...

He stopped just short of my breasts, his hands pulling away from my body. “Please, just tell me your name?”

I deflected, burying my face into his neck and sucking on his sweet skin, relishing the feel of my nipples dragging across the soft fabric of his teeth shirt, the way my legs settled on either side of his lap.

His hands ran down my back now, instead, tracing my spine, his fingertips dancing over my skin. I took a little nip at the spot just below and behind his earlobe, and he moaned out into the backseat of my Jeep.

Even through both of our jeans I could feel the outline of his dick, straining at his zipper, wanting to break free.

“God damnit,” I cursed under my breath.

“What's wrong?” His voice was so sweet. You can drop the good-guy act, dude, we're about to fuck and never see each other again.

“I need to drive. Us. To my apartment. Right now.”

“You're going to need a shirt, then.”

He followed directly behind me on the stairs up to my apartment, I can only imagine he was staring at my ass as I climbed each step. I stopped in front of my door and pulled my keys out, Ed wrapped up my body from behind, his mouth on my neck, his hands sliding down my stomach, his erection pressed up against me. I finally found the right key and inserted it in the deadbolt.

As soon as the door swung open, it was game over. He slammed it shut behind us, locking the deadbolt again. His eyes were hungry, his lips painted a pretty kiss-stung shade of pink. He came at me, pulling my face up into his, those pretty lips crashing into my own as he walked me backwards until we were pressed up against the refrigerator in my tiny kitchen. Thankfully I had left the light on above the sink.

He quickly pulled off my tanktop again, this time going straight for my breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the little pink bud, sucking in. “Fuck,” I spat out, the sensation taking me by surprise. He replaced his mouth with two fingers, rolling my left nipple between them while his mouth moved to my other breast, repeating the same swirling and sucking while I gasped for air.

The door handle of the fridge was digging into my back, but I didn't even care, everywhere he was touching me was just buzzing. I wanted more.

“Bedroom,” I gasped out.

He removed his mouth, taking a step back. He looked 100% fuckable in that moment, the dim glow from the kitchen sink light illuminating all of his edges; the wiry scruff of his facial hair, his biceps clearly visible beneath the short sleeve of his white t-shirt.

I grabbed him by the hand and led him through my small apartment, into my small, cozy bedroom. The curtains were open, starlight pouring in through the window pane.

Ed closed my bedroom door behind us, and it was my turn to de-clothe him. I pulled his t-shirt up and over his head in one swift motion. The belt buckle was next, but my hands were trembling with urgency and I couldn't quite get it unclasped. He reached forward and did it for me, unbuttoning his jeans as soon as the belt buckle was freed. I took over from there, crouching down to yank his jeans and boxers down, watching in awe as his cute, fuzzy thighs appeared right before me. He picked up each foot in turn, letting me clear away the pile of fabric at each ankle.

I straightened back up and turned him around, walking him backwards toward my bed, then pushed him down onto it. He adjusted himself, dragging his body up the bed a bit until his head hit the pillows.

I shucked off my denim shorts, and the thong I wore underneath that was now soaked through with my arousal.

I crawled onto the bed, toward the headboard, and reached down to my nightstand to pull the little drawer open. I rummaged through it, reaching toward the back and found the little foil packet I was after.

I straddled Ed, clutching the little condom wrapper like it was my own personal Golden Ticket. His hands settled on my hips instantly, and I leaned into his neck again to suck and kiss and tease him, a strong little vein popping forward as he tilted his head back to release a soft groan.

Holy shit, his whole chest is tatted, I realized, as I shimmied down his body. The starlight was bright enough only to show me the mix of colors running over every inch of his chest, I couldn't make out what any of the designs were. Oh well.

Just a short trip down his belly and I found a soft trail of little coppery hairs leading to my prize: his cock, thick and rock-hard, curving up slightly toward his stomach. I tentatively wrapped my fingers around it and wow, was he ready to go. His cock literally pulsed in my hand as I tightened my grip. I had just intended to slip the condom on him but in that moment, fuck it, I just had to have a taste.

I let my lips fall open, tongue flattening as I lowered my mouth on his shaft. I flicked my tongue over his slit, then took his plump head in my mouth, lubricating it with my saliva. I let my tongue trace the outline of his ridge while my hand still grasped the base of his cock, pumping it softly. He was moaning again, his hips pushing up into my mouth.

I took his whole length into my mouth, and his hands crept up to my head, his hand gently grasping my ponytail. I bobbed up and down on his length a few times, taking his length deeper into my mouth on each pass.

I left a sloppy kiss over his head and eased off, sitting back on my heels. I ripped open the little foil packet and pulled the condom out, grasping the base of his cock as I rolled the little latex barrier down over his erection. “God, you look so sexy doing that…” his voice trailed off.

Once the condom was snugly covering his cock, I crawled forward, suspending my body over his. I leaned in for a quick kiss, biting his bottom lip as I pulled away.

I raised up my hips, gripping his shaft as I lined up my opening with his tip. I sank down slowly onto his cock, easing myself onto him inch by inch. His sex was so wide, so thick - he filled me up to the max, it was crazy hot. Ed apparently thought so too, as he took on a sharp breath and sputtered “...so tight, damn it…”

Once I had taken his full length into me, I took a deep breath and started to rock up and down on his cock, pressing my hands to his chest for leverage. The tip of his penis stroked my very back wall, dragging across it over and over again as I rode him in my bed, our bodies illuminated by the night sky outside.

I leaned over his chest, grabbing fistfuls of his hair as his tongue explored my mouth, his strong hands gripping my hips as I bounced up and down on his thick cock.

This kiss was sloppy, swapping saliva as we took turns groaning into each other's mouths. The new angle had my clit grinding against his pubic bone and it felt so fucking good. It had been a long, LONG time since I had climaxed during sex.

I broke away from his mouth, burying my face in his neck again as I grabbed at his hair, probably pulling enough for it to hurt. If it did, he didn't say anything.

“That's right, baby, grind your pretty little clit on me…” He muttered in my ear, his hands rocking me over and over him.

I was whimpering, I couldn't help it, the mix of sensations overwhelming me as he thrust into me over and over, my clit delighting in the pressure of our bodies coming together.

“I'm -- I’m --” I gasped out.

“Yeah? You gonna come all over my cock? Let me have it,” his voice shifted, low and growly in his throat and I was putty in his hands, I had no option but to obey and I cried out as my orgasm took over, my walls tightening around him as I held my breath and clenched my thighs around him and held my grip on his damp curls.

He flipped us both over, his erection fit snugly inside me the whole way. He adjusted the pillow beneath my head and left a kiss on my jaw. “You okay to keep going, love? Do you want me to stop?”

“No, no, more -- I want more,” I muttered, still trying to catch my breath.

He took my words to heart as he leaned forward, resting all of his bodyweight on his forearms, and withdrew his cock from me super slowly, then thrust into me again, hard, the sound of skin hitting skin reverberating around the room.

“Yes, just like that,” I cried out.

He sped up, sinking his rigid shaft into me in perfect rhythm, his eyes trained on our connection. I watched him as he watched his own cock sink into my pink flesh.

“D’you like what you see?” I asked, calling him out for his intentful stare.

He glanced up at me, a smirk plastered across his face. “Caught me..” he said, tucking his bottom lip into his mouth as he went back to watching as he fucked me slowly. His beautiful blue eyes shifted back up to mine. “You’re just so gorgeous, every inch of you… I want to taste you…” and before I knew it, he pulled out of me and was flat on his tummy, pushing my knees up, burying his head between my legs.

His mouth was on me in an instant, his tongue dipping into my folds. He licked and sucked on every inch of my slit before finally zeroing in on my clit. He hummed, the vibrations spilling over my sensitive little bud and I couldn't help but buck my hips up into his face, grabbing fistfuls of sheets on either side of me.

“Fuck -- do that again,” All manners were out the window at this point.

He obliged, humming again over my clit as he tongue stroked and flicked and then he one-upped himself, slipping a finger in my wet entrance, adding another layer of pleasure.

I groaned, wriggling my hips under his face, admiring his golden-copper hair fluffed up between my legs. “Don't stop,” I breathed, which apparently only served to egg him on more. He sank a second finger into me, stroking forward on my front wall as he went to town on my clit.

He hummed one last time and it was like he struck a match in just the exactly perfect way to make it light up in flames. White hot fire spread through my veins, branching out in all directions from my core as I tried to stifle my shouts. My heart thudded in my chest as I released my grip on the sheets and, once again, threaded my fingers through his hair, wanting to pull his beautiful mouth away from my sensitive clit.

He moved up my body and I pulled his mouth into mine, tasting myself on his tongue, kissing him open-mouthed so I could try to catch my breath again. That orgasm had absolutely wrecked me. I never had expected him to be such a skilled lover

“Want you.. to come.. for me now,” I said, breathlessly, inhaling on each pause.

He brushed the stray flyaway hairs off my face, staring up into my eyes. “Can I take you from behind? Is that okay?”

I leaned forward, pushing him up off of me, and flipped onto my hands and knees in front of him, which I imagine was a better visual than just saying, “Yes.”

He lined up with my entrance again and pushed in, filling me back up with his girthy shaft. I moaned, everything was so sensitive down there and the angle from behind was so different than before. Once he was buried in me, his hands found my waist and pulled me back into him, my hips meeting each thrust as he fucked me.

There's no way I could come a third time but holy shit did that feel good, so satisfying, just feeling his hips thrust into me as he pulled my body back onto him and I knew, I knew without looking that his stare was fixed down on my ass, watching as he buried his cock in me, probably admiring the way my ass swayed with each thrust, increasingly harder on each pass.

“Yes, fuck me, fill me up,” I choked out, pausing each time he entered me.

“Gonna -- come -” he warned, his breath hitched, his grip on my waist tightening.

Five or six strokes later and he pulled me into him one last time, holding me there, groans tumbling from his mouth as he emptied himself into the little latex barrier. I found myself wishing he hadn't worn the condom, the thought was just there in my head before I could make sense of it. Don't be stupid, Jac.

He held us still for a moment, probably collecting himself, before pulling out of me. I was so exhausted from my orgasms that I collapsed down onto the bed, rolling to lie on my side as he crawled out of my bed.

“There's tissues there, on my desk, wastebasket below it,” I panted. I watched as he crossed over to my little writing desk, cleaning up and disposing then used condom.

I expected him to slide back into his boxers and jeans but he came back to the bed, instead, sidling in next to me.

“That was really nice,” he said, a kind of daydream-like quality to his voice.

“Yeah, it was,” I agreed, wondering when he was going to leave.

“Do you mind if I stay the night?”

Oh.

“I've actually got work pretty early in the morning…” It was a lame excuse, sure. But we had been clear about this being a one-night thing.

“Please? I can leave early in the morning. I just.. I don't want to sleep alone tonight…”

“Okay, fine. That's fine.”

He slipped under the covers and I flipped around to my other side, my back facing him. Before long, we were both asleep.

My head was throbbing as my alarm rang out (“Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel).

Ed was closer to my nightstand, so he grabbed my cell and handed it over to me to turn the alarm off. He slipped out of bed, finding his underwear in the pile of clothes on the floor and swiftly pulled them on. He dressed himself in last night's clothes as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, sitting up in bed with the sheets pulled over my naked breasts. Can't believe I let him sleep here.. NAKED. Fuck. Such a big day at work. Why did I have to go *there* last night? I'm supposed to be an adult. Ugh.

“I want to ask for your name, again, but I have a feeling you'll turn me down. Can I at least leave you my number?”

What does this guy not understand about a one night stand?

“Look, that's really sweet and all. But please don't. You're nice, and you're good in bed. But this was a one-time thing. I’m sure you won't be in town for long anyway. Sorry. I've got to jump in the shower so I can get to work on time…” I had avoided eye contact with him throughout my little speech.

“I understand. I'll head out then. It was nice meeting you, mystery girl.” He leaned down and left a peck on my forehead, then let himself out of my room. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to give myself a pep talk. I really needed to get up and moving so I could make it to the studio before Mark got in.

A moment later I heard the deadbolt open and my front door open and shut. I had forgotten to listen for that when he left my bedroom. I got up to re-lock the door and saw a note on the my coffee table as I walked naked through my living room.

It was his phone number, etched out in slanty chicken scratch, his name signed below it.

Thanks for reading!

[kdreamscenario]

In The Nightstand

Friend!AU  You x Hoseok (BTS)

Rated: M smut, vibrator play

Word Count: 4913

The first day your sister brought Hoseok over to the house, you were so happy to see her making friends.  She had just started in a new middle school and as a loving older sister you worried about her making new friends.  Surprisingly it was only a few days in before she was asking to hang out with a friend after school.  Your parents had simply asked if it was a girl friend or a boy friend and to everyone’s surprise she said boy.  

Your sister is definitely the shy and quiet type.  It took her years of elementary school before she was spending time with anyone besides you.  She still promises to this day that you’ll always best her best friend.  With only a 2 year age gap it’s not that difficult to be close.  

Hoseok ended up a blessing for your sister.  You realized right away how Hoseok had easily broken through your sisters timid nature.  The boy was always so warm, kind, and inviting.  Sure he could be excitable and noisy at times but it was only to make the mood brighter.

It was hardly even a week before the three of you spent all of your free time together.  Your parents constantly joked about unknowingly adopting a third child since Hoseok was always at your house.

Even in the next year when you began high school in a different building nothing changed.  It wasn’t until you graduated and had to go to college that your little group would separate.  The university you picked was quite far from home and that meant you’d only see your family for breaks and holidays.

At first it was tough like it is for everyone.  You weren’t as shy as your sister but it had been a long time since you’d have to make new friends.  As the months kept moving you did manage to make a few new friends from clubs and classes but they just couldn’t fill how much you missed Hoseok and your sister.    

When the time for you sister and Hoseok to attend college comes, it only makes sense that they attend your university.  It feels right to have your sister as your roommate again.  Living together again was great and of course Hoseok was a constant guest.

While you were dating, even your boyfriend Minhyuk got along great with them.  It was just like old times that you all hung out together.  Everything was perfect until the big issue.  

Normally on Tuesdays Hoseok would have lunch with you and Minhyuk.  This Tuesday brought an emergency project meeting before your class that leaves Hoseok to have lunch with just Minhyuk.  

Minhyuk teases Hoseok constantly about when he’ll finally date your sister.  It’s the only thing that makes the group uncomfortable.  Sure your parents liked to joke about it but no one else ever talks about it.  The people close to you understand that they are more like siblings.  The thought of dating never crossed their minds.

“Are you really never going to date her? You’re practically inseparable already.”  Minhyuk teases him.  “Nah.  Like I said we’re just friends and always will be.”  Hoseok stays firm as always.  Minhyuk pauses for a bite of food.  

“It’s a real shame though.  She’s so hot.”  Minhyuk adds.  Hoseok bristles at the words.  It feels like he’s bit his cheek.  He hates guys calling her hot more than anything.  If she were really his sister no one would dare call her things like that in front of him.  The words coming from your boyfriend makes it just that much worse.  

“If I’m honest, I was trying to get with her first.  She was always with you so I thought you were dating and settled for her sister.  Don’t get me wrong though she’s just as hot.”  Minhyuk says all of this unaffectedly.  Hoseok needs a moment to breathe and fight back the urge he has to deck this guy in the middle of the cafeteria.  

All of it just makes him so angry.  He’d love to say that he cares for the two of you equally but the truth is that he’s been going in and out of crushing on you since the first time he came to your house.  Minhyuk admitting he settled for the girl of Hoseok’s fantasies when he’d rather be sleeping with Hoseok’s best friend is a little too much salt to swallow.  

He gives it a few more silent minutes before he excuses himself to head for class.  He makes the mental note to never have lunch alone with Minhyuk ever again.  

Hoseok really wants to forget what Minhyuk had told him but he can’t.  If he weren’t your boyfriend Hoseok would’ve told you right away to avoid the sleazy creep but he doesn’t want to ruin your relationship.  

The problem is that he simply can’t forget it.  When you’re all hanging out he overthinks how much Minhyuk watches or talks to your sister instead of you.  He hopes he’s at least subtle about it but he’s not.  You notice right away the change in his behavior toward Minhyuk.  Knowing that it takes a lot to change Hoseok’s eternal sunshine into death glares tips you off that something is wrong.  

It takes almost a week before you can weasel the information out of him.  Though instantly you wish you hadn’t.  Now you and Hoseok are both oversensitive to the way Minhyuk acts around your sister.  

It starts wearing you down that you weren’t his first choice.  You love your sister too much to put any blame on her. It’s not her fault she’s obviously the prettier more feminine one.  Unfortunately the information takes a huge toll of your relationship.  Minhyuk notices the  way you and Hoseok watch him and how you’ve started to avoid him.  

Minhyuk brings it up first.  One night the two of you are alone in the apartment.  He’s tried to take you into the bedroom for the last hour and you’ve been dodging.  He eventually gets the hint and asks about what the problem is.  

One awkward but tempered talk later and you’re suddenly alone on the couch...and single.  The two of you agreed that it would be for the best.  There would be no way for you to look at him the same knowing you were the second choice.  

Months later things are again back to normal just with one less person around.  Hoseok wasn’t shy to express that he felt better being the only guy around his girls again.  You were too for a while though it meant your sex life had taken a sudden hiatus.    

For the most part it was once again smooth sailing in the apartment, but the sea can’t always be calm.  

Hoseok and your sister are planted on the couch on a Tuesday night waiting for you to get back from you last class.  A movie you all loved in theaters had been released on dvd and a movie night was planned.  

Your sister is setting up the dvd player knowing you’d be home any minute.  The dvd is in, there’s a pile of snacks on the coffee table, and the two are cuddled perfectly in their usual spots.  

Your sister presses the remote to get through the menu screen but nothing happens.  She tries again and shakes the remote but still nothing.  

“Stupid batteries must be dead.” she huffs.  “Hobi Hobi would you pleeeease go get batteries for me?”  She asks with a cute pout.  There’s no way she’s getting up from her perfect spot.  

Hoseok being the best friend ever gets up right away.  “Of course your highness.  Where are they?”  He asks batting his lashes.  “Somewhere in Y/N’s room?  She got a new pack last week.”  Hoseok is already on his way to your room before she finishes her sentence.  Couldn’t be that hard to find them.  

He starts in the obvious places like your desk drawers but comes up empty.  It would be weird but maybe her nightstand?  He thinks before pulling open the drawer.  Bingo there is the box of batteries next to a book, a box of condoms, and something he’s definitely not supposed to see.  

Hoseok does a double take before turning red up to his ears and slamming the drawer shut.  His brain is running on thoughts of what he just saw.  

“Hobi?”  Your sister calls out concerned by the slam of the drawer.  Hoseok snaps back to reality.  “Found them, be right there!”  He yells a little too loud and his voice squeaks.

With shaky hands he slides the drawer back open.  It wasn’t his imagination.  Sitting right beside the box and the book is a simple pink vibrator pill.  He stares at it for clearly too long letting his imagination be the better of him.  He shakes out of it and grabs a few batteries before closing the drawer again though much gentler this time.

Hoseok is sure the rest of the night will be fine and he’ll get over it.  It is only natural for you to have needs.  Hell it’s practically his fault for ruining your relationship and making you have  those needs.

The night isn’t fine at all.  As soon as you come in he’s red all over again from guilt and embarrassment.  Then you just have to sit next to him even if that’s normal.  Hoseok always sits in the middle between you girls.  Surprisingly it’s the first time he’s sitting between you trying to hide a semi hard on.  

It’s literal torture and he can’t get out of there soon enough.  He makes some excuse about forgetting some homework and scurries out the door once the ending credits of the movie start to roll.  

The poor boy spends the rest of the night on his bed in the dark.  Imagining you working yourself with your toy is enough of a mental image to have him cumming into his closed fist faster than usual.  It’s even enough fuel to entertain his self sessions for more than a week.

Over the past week and a half Hoseok does his best to not be alone with you.  His interest in you as something more than a friend is spiked higher than he’s ever felt.  He feels so wrong about it.  There’s no way he could bring up his feelings and ruin the long standing group dynamic.  

It pains him to imagine you finding out he’s pleasuring himself to the thought of you like this.  You would never reciprocate the feelings for him.  Even if you did have any feelings at all for him neither of you would act upon it to keep your sister happy and in the balance.  It’s so wrong to be lusting after someone who he’s long considered as an older sister.  

So he tries his hardest to get over it like he has before.  Only when he’s tucked alone in the privacy of his room at night does he allow himself the thoughts of you.  Evidently that makes it harder for him to wrestle back his feelings in the day time.  Thankfully he’s much better at hiding this secret from the girls.  

They barely notice a change in him.  He hides his discomfort around you easily under the normality of your interactions.  The only thing that could possibly tip him off was that he was spending most of his time with just your sister or with the both of you and almost never just you.  It had been a long time since they seemed closer as a duo.  

A week and a half after Hoseok discovering your not so well hidden toy is a Friday night.  Your sister went out for the night with some girls in her major.  Hoseok was sulking in his own apartment.  Since when did she go out without him?  It didn’t matter to him if it was a girls night.  

He’s bored out of his mind and feels pathetic.  He knows that all he has to do is go over to your apartment and he’d be more than occupied.  He’s stubbornly stuck between going out on his own which would probably be even more boring or sucking it up and hanging out with you.  

15 minutes later he’s barely knocking before entering your apartment.  Normally he wouldn’t knock but since you’re home alone he’s not sure what you would be doing.  He’s a bit surprised to see the apartment pitch black.  Had you gone out without him too?

“Hello?”  He calls after shutting the door and kicking off his shoes.  “Hoseok?”  He barely hears you call to him from your room.  “Yeah it’s me.”  He answers before heading down the hall.  Finally there’s light coming from under your doorway.  

Again he knocks even though he usually doesn’t.  You pause confused that he does knock.  “Yeah come in.”  You answer.  Hoseok opens the door slowly and barely steps inside.  A sigh of relief passes his lips when he sees you’re sitting on your bed holding a book.    

“Hobi what’s up with you?”  You look at him skeptically from over your book.  “What do you mean?” he asks dumbly still standing halfway in the door.  “You’re acting like I’m hiding snakes in here like why are you not coming in?”  

As soon as you ask he shifts in through the door and closes it behind him.  “No reason.” He mumbles and takes a seat at your desk.  Doubly weird that he doesn’t sit with you on the bed.  “Mhmm.”  You hum scrutinizing the way he’s shifting awkwardly and still keeping a distance.  

“So what exactly is going on Hobi?  You’re so weird these days.”  You ask and set your book down on top of the nightstand.  “Nothing really.  It’s nothing.”  Hoseok smiles and rolls your desk chair closer to the bed.  He’s trying hard to act normal but you aren’t buying it.  

“Don’t lie.  Something must be up.  You’ve been avoiding me for like a week.  I was shocked that you weren’t already here when I got home and you even knocked on my door when you finally show up?  You can’t hide it from me Hobi.  I can tell there’s a problem.”  Maybe you wouldn’t pester him so strongly about it but this is the most distant he’s ever treated you.  

Hoseok groans.  He throws his hands over his face and spins the chair around.  Anything to stall on telling you what his problem is.  He’s considering a lie of some kind.  Anything to tell you besides the truth that will hurt your friendship.  

You try to be patient but seeing Hoseok act like this means it’s something serious.  He turns back to face you but turns again because you’re staring too hard at him.  He keeps stalling for a good 5 minutes.  “Hobi just tell me please.  You know you can tell me anything.”  You try to gently coax the words out of him.

Sure he knows he can tell you anything.  He always has except for this one huge secret.  His deepest darkest secret that he’s never told a single soul.  

“I… I uh, saw something in here the other day.”  Hoseok mumbles.  “Saw something like what?”  You ask still very much confused.  Hoseok sighs and turns to you again.  “Something I wasn’t supposed to.”  He answers wringing his hands together.  A bright blush covers his face up to his ears.  He looks up at you from below his lashes trying to catch your reaction.

It takes a few moments to figure out what he could’ve seen.  Once you get an idea of what it could be your blush starts to match his.  He sees your embarrassment and feels so guilty.  ���I didn’t mean to.  I was looking for batteries for the remote and I looked in your nightstand.  I’m really sorry.”  

Hoseok states his case and then bows his head.  He’s confirmed your suspicions and you start to laugh.  Sure you’re embarrassed but seeing him so flushed like this is quite endearing.  He snaps his head up to look at you incredulously when he hears you laugh.  

You can see the hurt in his eyes so you cover your mouth with your hand and settle down your giggles.  “I’m sorry Hobi but is that really all that’s wrong?  I thought maybe you killed someone or something more serious.  It’s not that big of a deal.”  You reassure him.  

He continues to look at you in disbelief.  Not a big deal?  Obviously it’s a big deal if he can’t forget about it a week and a half later.  He knows it’s not that big of a deal for you because you don’t understand the torture seeing your toy has caused him.  

Just when he thought you couldn’t make this any worse you open your nightstand drawer.  After putting your book inside you take out the little egg.  “Honestly being single was getting a little too rough on me so I bought it.”  You casually twirl it around in your fingers.  

Hoseok swallows hard and fights to not let his imagination wander.  “Sorry noona.”  He croaks out and you look at him confused.  “For what?”  You ask.  “I feel like it’s my fault that you’re single and lonely.”  He answers softly.  

“What?  Don’t feel guilty about that.  I’m glad you found out and told me.  I was dating a creep and didn’t even know it.  You’re my hero if anything.”  You dramatically clutch at the front of your sweater.  It finally gets a little laugh out of him.  

You reach back over to put the toy away but Hoseok speaks first.  “Noona.  If it’s okay, can I see it?”  He asks sheepishly with his hand extended toward you.  He knows he should stay quiet and let this all end here but damn his curiosity.

The question throws you off and it takes a while to decide.  What could he possibly want to do with it.  He sees your hesitation and adds.  “I’ve just never seen anything like it.”  Sure that makes sense he’s only curious about something new.  Dropping your reluctance you hold it out for him to take.  

Hoseok’s face burns hot again when he’s actually holding it in his hand.  It’s hard for him to stop thinking about how this small object has touched you in the most intimate ways and no doubt brought you pleasure.  His curiosity prompts him even further to push the button on the end.  The strong buzzing sound rings through the room making you both blush all over again.  

He holds it between his thumb and finger for a while simply admiring how strong the vibration really is.  There’s no holding back his imagination now.  The blood rushed to his head is easily pulsing south and he decides better now than never.

When he looks back up the two of you stare at each other waiting for someone to speak.  The way you’re so flushed and practically quivering helps Hoseok make up his mind.  “Noona, can I...play with you?”  Hoseok stands from the chair and takes a cautious step toward you.  

Your eyes go wide and you’re not sure why you’re surprised.  You’re so frozen you can barely squeak out his name.  He doesn’t hear you say no so he takes the few more steps to be beside you.  He leans over the bed until there’s barely two inches between you.   

“Noona please tell me.  Is it okay?”  His voice is impossibly low and gravely.  You’ve never heard Hoseok speak that way.  It makes a sharp tingle spread across your cheeks and fingertips.  He waits for you to decide, patiently staring into your eyes.  

A soft yes is all he needs to kiss you.  The first kiss is fleeting a soft, Hoseok pulls away barely before you’ve felt his lips.  He’s so unsure and testing you to really be okay with this.  The second kiss is a bit longer, a bit firmer but again he pulls away before it gets too much.  

The third and fourth kiss are similar but each a bit longer than the last.  You know he’s being careful but it’s teasing you more than anything.  When he parts from the fourth you breathe his name between your lips as more assurance.  He gladly takes more initiative.  

Before the next kiss he’s clicking off the vibrator and setting it on the bed.  In careful movements he climbs onto the bed to tower over you with your legs intertwined.  He settles his hips down against your thigh and you heat up even more to feel how hard he already is.  There’s not a lot of time to consider this before he’s cupping your cheek in one of his hands.  He leans in to kiss you again but this time is much different.  

His lips press to your in earnest right from the start.  There’s barely a beat before he’s breaking the seam of your lips with his tongue.  Even then his tongue is giving tentative licks while his thumb strokes gently over your cheek.  

He loves the way you sigh when your tongues touch the first time but still he keeps control.  You want so much for him to let go and give you the attention you’ve been craving.  Your hands slide up his arms, over his shoulders, and thread into the back of his hair.  He hums at the touch a gets your hint.  

Again he picks up the pace of tangling your tongues with a new force.  Your hands slip to hold at the base of his neck and rubbing appreciative circles into his skin.  The kiss continues for a long time at that pace each of you throwing in changes here and there.  You sucking at his tongues or him nipping at your lips.  

It all feels great but still you want more.  You slide your hands down his torso and back up under his shirt, pushing it up as you go.  Hoseok gladly pulls the fabric over his head and makes similar quick work of your sweater.  The only thing throwing him off was your lack of a bra underneath.  

With a sharp curse he’s settling back down to kiss along your neck to your collarbones.  His slender fingers wrap around your breasts to massage the soft flesh.  He switches to pinch one of your nipples between his fingers and sucks a bruise just below your collarbone.  The moan that you let out is more than music to his ears.  

Hoseok shifts his position for his legs to be between yours and his head positioned at your breasts.  He wastes no time sucking your pinched nipple into his mouth.  His mouth and hand work together to please your whole breast.  

He takes his time with each breast to pull all sorts of sounds from you.  Eventually you’re whining with your hand tucked in his hair and your thighs squeezing him in want of him touching you somewhere else.  Once he’s satisfied with his work on your chest he kisses lower down your stomach.  

When his lips reach the hem of your leggings he looks up at you for permission.  You barely nod before he’s wrapping his fingers around the waistband and pulling them off, panties and all.  He tosses them off the bed to join your sweater and settles himself between your legs.  

Hoseok groans at the sight of you spread out for him.  The sight he had only previously dreamed of.  “God, Noona you’re really gorgeous.”  He says while wrapping his arms around your thighs and pulling you in close.  You’re expecting his touch but it doesn’t come right away.  

He kisses your mound before reaching over for your toy.  Once it’s in his hand he clicks it on.  You’re focused on on the shiny pill in his hand that you yelp when he runs his tongue along your folds.  He starts right away with lapping long strokes up your lips.  The teasing gets worse when he starts to run the vibrator along the inside of you thigh.  Both feelings have you squirming and panting against him.  

That miracle tongue of his works diligently against your clit.  With every few passes he’s inching the vibrator closer to your core.  He reaches your center and licks lower to your entrance to make room for the toy.  

He rubs it around you gauging your reactions to find exactly where you like it the best.  When he does he leaves it pressed there while he works you open with his tongue.  He’s got the vibrator pressed so close you can feel it buzzing your pelvic bone and sending a fantastic heat up your spine.  

After a few minutes he looks up to see you with one hand tugging at your own hair and the other fisted tightly in the sheets.  The look of pure bliss on your face is better than he’d ever imagined.  You whine pathetically when he pulls his face away from your center but keeps the toy buzzing.  

He leans up and takes your hand out of the sheets and puts it over the one he has holding the vibrator.  “Keep this right here for me.”  He demands before stepping off the bed.  You didn’t think you could get anymore embarrassed but Hoseok shucking off his sweats and underwear has another blush blooming through you.  

His dick is just as slim and beautiful as the rest of him and you’ve never wanted to feel it more in your life.  Hoseok quickly pulls open your nightstand and grabs a condom from the box.  He chuckles a bit to read the package “ribbed for her pleasure” and he thinks of course those are the ones you have.  

Hoseok has the rubber rolled on and is back between your legs in a flash.  “Don’t stop with your toy okay?”  He commands while running his hands along your thighs.  The dark look in his eye is like nothing you’ve ever seen before.  

You’re so wet from all of the foreplay that he slips into you almost too easily.  He bottoms out and has to bite his lip to keep from cumming right off the bat.  His biggest fantasy is coming to life and it feels so much better than he had imagined.

“Hoseok..”  You whine in a shaky voice.  You need him to move, the ache in your core is getting to be torture.  With a grunt Hoseok pulls out and slips back in slowly.  The ribbing of the condom drags against your entrance and you’re suddenly begging him for more.  

Hoseok collects himself enough to start a good rhythm of pulling out gradually and slamming back in.  “Noona,  I have to be honest.  I’ve been thinking about this.  Since I opened your drawer.”  He tells you between heavy breaths.  Now you’re the one left imagining Hoseok jacking of to the thought of you.  It’s a lot hotter than you expected it to be but given the circumstances it’s not surprising.  

Letting you know the full secret lifts a weight from Hoseok’s shoulders.  It gives him the push to fuck you even harder.  His grip is tight on your thighs bending them toward your body.  It gives the best angle for you to have room for the vibrator while he’s thrusting harshly in and out.  Not to mention the best angle to be hitting that perfect spot over and over and harder each time.    

All of the stimulation is finally too much.  It starts deep in your core and washes out to your clit throbbing against the vibrator.  Hoseok continuing to pound into you and the continuous buzz keep your orgasm coming wave after wave.  When it’s finally too much you slump down into the mattress, tossing the toy to the side.     

The feeling of you throbbing around him and the visual of your high are too good to be real.  It’s only a few more staggered thrusts before Hoseok is spilling into the condom and shuddering from head to toe.

Eventually you both catch your breath enough for him to slip out of you.  He nearly falls to the floor on his wobbly legs when he gets up.  He takes care of throwing away the condom and cleaning himself up a bit.  You grab a few tissues to clean yourself up and wrap the vibrator up to clean afterward.  

You set it on the nightstand and Hoseok comes to lay back with you in the bed.  The both of you lay on your backs facing the ceiling to collect your thoughts.  “Um, let’s not tell my sister about this for now.  Is that okay?”  You ask a bit shyly.  Hoseok nods slowly.  “Yeah, I definitely agree.”  You’re relieved by that at least.

A few more minutes pass and Hoseok rolls over to face you and you do the same.  “Noona was this okay?  I’m sorry if I over stepped my place or something.”  He looks so ashamed that you feel bad instantly.  “No Hobi.  This was great.  Unexpected but great.  Don’t feel bad about it.  We’ll work it out.”  You smile and touch his shoulder affectionately.  The small action reassures him. 

He takes a deep breath and rolls back off the bed.  “Okay, but I think we better get dressed before your sister gets home.  Maybe air out the room a bit.”  He adds with a chuckle and grabs for his bottoms.  You laugh and agree before tugging back on your own clothes.

-E.최