#wanted to change how Virgil shared his name cause in canon I feel like Roman could’ve been a lot nicer soooooo

[yourchemicallyimbalancedromance]

Discoveries

Prompt: “We can work this out, okay? Just come back here, it’s not safe there. You know that too.” (Credit to @me-writes-prompts for this prompt!!)

Ship: romantic Prinxiety

CW/TW: slight self harm, panic attacks, swearing, unsympathetic Virgil, unsympathetic Janus

Summary: Finally deciding to leave the “Dark Sides” Virgil leaves Janus after a heated argument, leaving him begging for him to come back.

__________________________________________

Virgils glare burned a hole into Janus’ irises, face hot and wet with incessant tears, voice hoarse and unbearably scratchy from the yelling that echoed off of the walls of Janus and his room.

Janus looked back, expression tender and begging, sincere. He stepped closer to him. “Virgil, please. I know we have our differences but I think if we just talked it out we could—“

Virgil’s shoulders were up to his neck, his entire body felt like it was burning from the unforgiving rage boiling inside of him. “Save the shit Deceit, I don’t wanna hear it.”

Janus’ expression changed in the blink of an eye, going from pleading to stone cold anger. “Yknow what? Maybe Thomas was right about not wanting you around, after all, Paranoia isn’t very healthy…” he said, seething pain and irritation dripping off his tongue.

Virgil wrapped his arms around himself tightly, knowing from past experience that the grip would leave bruises, but the pain grounded him enough to help him leave his expression the same, not letting Janus have the satisfaction of knowing he got to him.

“You’re nothing but a manipulative sack of shit. I can’t believe I trusted you.” Virgil growled. The statement was only half true; Of course Janus had his moments—all of them did, inevitably, although some more than others.—but he and Remus were the first to accept him with open arms, although recent events said otherwise.

Janus scoffed at the statement, not saying anything else in response.

Virgil let go of himself, summoning a bag and shoving whatever that was nearest to him into it; A blanket, headphones, his phone, his poetry collection that consisted of Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allen Poe, and Emily Dickinson.

Janus watched silently as Virgil sunk out, not bothering to give him a second glance.

———————————————————————

Virgil walked through the border between the light and dark mind palace, feeling his emotions shift from completely enraged with no ending in sight to mildly irritated. His body relaxed, the released tension leaving him fatigued. His jaw unclenched and his nails found their way out of his palms.

He sighed before twisting the knob and letting himself into a world of new possibilities. He stepped one foot into the common area and all noise was stripped from the room. He found Logan on the couch, Patton asleep next to him. He heard Roman singing Hamilton from his bedroom. Logan was the first to notice his presence.

“Anxiety? It’s odd seeing you here, is there an issue?” Logan looked at him the way he looked at every other side, an impassive expression all over his face.

Virgil sat on the floor facing the couch where Logan was sitting, flipping through a “History Of NASA” magazine.

He shook his head. “I might need to stay here a while..I don’t know.” He said faintly, taking his headphones and phone out of his bag, not wanting to make eye contact.

“For what reason in particular?” Logan responded, bookmarking the page he was on and setting it down next to him.

“Deceit. He..” his voice trailed off as he stared at his phone, searching through multiple different playlists for a certain song to match his mood.

“He what?” Logan prompted, confusion in his voice.

Virgil looked up, “We got into an argument, an extremely heated one, that’s it. I don’t want to be there anymore. Can we please drop this?”

Logan nodded “Yes, Of course. I suppose I should let the others know you’re here then?” He asked.

Virgil blinked in surprise at the compliance with dropping the subject before slowly nodding a “yes”.

Logan disappeared for a minute into the hallway, leaving Virgil to his music, letting the words sink in and calm his nerves.

He reappeared once again, Virgil taking out his headphones, noticing Roman had stopped singing.

“I have let him know. I am sure that Patton is fine with you being here, so no need to worry.” Logan said.

Virgil nodded, getting up and sitting on the couch next to Logan.

———————————————————————

Hours passed before Roman finally left his room, coming into the common area where Patton and Virgil were watching Lion King.

“Hiya, Kiddo! Wanna join us?, we’re binge watching Disney movies” Patton said giddily, the TV illuminating his a multitude of different colors.

Roman looked to the TV, watching as Scar let go of Mufasa, and nodded. “That sounds delightful Pat, sure.” He seemed a little hesitant before sitting down beside Patton.

“Logan’s working on some big project in his room so if you’re wondering where he is that’s where” Patton clarified, hoping to ease his confusion a bit; luckily, it worked, and Roman settled into the sofa. “He also doesn’t like Disney movies” he added, giggling a bit.

Virgil stayed silent, staring at the TV; trying to make it seem as if he was focused on the movie when in reality his mind was elsewhere. Guilt coursed through his bloodstream, leaving him feeling hollow. His phone buzzed and he picked it up, the screen practically blinding him due to the darkness of the room.

It was a message from Janus. He hadn’t even been gone a day and Janus was already begging for him to come back.

“We can work this out, okay? Just come back here, it’s not safe there. You know that too.” He had written.

Virgil tried ignoring him, acting as if he’d never seen the message, god how he tried, but within seconds he found the lack of response too anxiety inducing to ignore.

He stood up, walking into the nearest room absentmindedly, and closing the door, calling Janus.

He listened to the phone ring and ring and ring until it went to voicemail. He texted Janus back, fingers flying over the screen.

“It’s a lot safer here, actually. You were wrong Janus, you have to let it go. I’m not coming back, and I don’t want to work anything out, give it up already.”

The message was a lot nicer than intended, but he sent it anyway.

Janus left him on read.

He was about to leave the room before he was struck with the sight in front of him. Silky red curtains, star decals everywhere, Disney characters plastered on the door— shit. He was in Romans room.

He would’ve laughed at the decor of the room had he not been so tense.

A knock at the door made him jump, and he opened it quickly, coming face to face with Roman.

“Do you wanna explain why you’re in my room?” He said, confusion and Irritation apparent with every word.

Suddenly, the room was spinning and nausea hit him like a truck. Too many things were happening at once. The control once ever so present in his life was slowly crumbling like sand in his hands.

Roman caught him before he fell, holding up all of his weight with ease. “Woah, hey.” he said, taken off guard. Virgil didn’t respond, couldn’t respond.

“Breathe, take deep breaths, can you do that?” Roman said

Virgil took a breath and exhaled a shuddery one, leaning against Roman, the knowledge that Princey was seeing him like this only made it worse.

“Good, that’s good. Can you do a couple more for me?” Roman cooed

Virgil repeated the cycle a few times before the room became less and less blurry and the nausea subsided slightly.

Roman led him to his bed, both of them sitting down next to eachother.

“What is going on? You just…showed up here suddenly” Roman looked away from the side next to him, his eyes fixated on the floor. He was hesitant to speak; apart from his usual cockiness, truth be told he was really afraid to say the wrong thing.

“Ja— Deceit…I left the others.”

“You..oh okay..” he said softly

“So does this mean…”

“That I’m one of you?” Virgil finished the sentence for him.

Roman nodded, looking up at him.

“I doubt you guys would want me to be.” Virgil mumbled, messing with the loose seams of his jacket.

“Hey, no. You do a great deal for us and Thomas. You mean a lot, Anxiety.” Roman responded sweetly.

“Virgil.” Virgil corrected.

“Virgil..?” Roman parroted, eyes widening a bit.

“My name, it’s Virgil.” He repeated.

While he was still weary about trusting the Others, he didn’t see the pain in telling atleast one of them his name; if he made fun of it, then so be it.

“I think that’s wonderful.” Roman said, slowly taking the other sides hand in his.

Virgil’s face heat up with surprise and happiness and he immediately hid it with his hoodie sleeve “thanks, I guess” came the muffled reply.

“You’re one of us, I’ve deemed you so, right here, right now, and if anyone has a problem with it they can talk to me” Roman said confidently, taking Virgil’s hand away from his face and kissing it.

Virgil couldn’t stop smiling and Roman loved it.

“You have a beautiful smile, Virge” Roman said, hoping to egg on the side infront of him.

Virgil practically fell apart, pulling Roman close and kissing him, smiling into it.

Roman returned the passion, holding Virgil gently as their teeth accidentally knocked together from the uncontrollable smiles.

Roman pulled them apart, forehead pressed against Virgils.

“You can stay here for as long as you need, alright?” Roman whispered.

“I could stay here forever.” Virgil responded.

‘and I will’ he thought to himself.

[hydra-collector]

a sanders sides analysis of “far“

far, if you’re not aware (which honestly you probably werent) is an album by regina spektor (the same one as ‘one more time with feeling’ from logan’s playlist) and regina spektor has songs that work weirdly well with sanders sides so i’m going to give each song on the album a side. i might do this again with ‘what we saw from the cheap seats’ but its not as weirdly perfect as far.

this ended up being really long, so it’s under the cut.

the calculation: logan, no question. it’s basically about trying to 'calculate’ love from what they saw around them, mostly in media, because don’t understand it. they’re desperate to make it work, so they try again and again “beating their hearts against each other” and eventually, it sparks. intrulogical if you’d like someone to pair it with, since roman has all the romance with thomas.

eet: this one was more difficult, but i think its a lot of patton. after all, the summary on genius literally says “’Eet’ is a wistful, introspective song brimming with nostalgia. The overarching themes seem to be about a person’s development of morality through their experience in their childhood.” it connects a lot to ‘moving on’ in that respect, where thomas wishes he could go back to the times he remembered in patton’s room. if you don’t already know, eet is the backspace key on a typewriter, but since it actually prints letters, you can’t really go back. i also think the line “using your headphones to drown out your mind” is perfect for virgil. i think in “someone’s deciding whether or not to steal/he opens a window just to feel the chill/he hears that outside a small boy just started to cry/’cause it’s his turn, but his brother won’t let him try” janus could be the thief, trying to decide what thomas should take for himself, and obviously remus would be the brother that’s crying because he doesn’t get his turn to be listened to.

blue lips: janus or logan. part of it is kind of like an analysis of society, but it’s mostly about death and aging, which i think both of them will have thought about. the line “the pictures in his mind awoke/and began to breed” definitely reminds me of remus, intrusive thoughts and stuff. its preceded in one verse by “and no one saw and no one heard/they just followed lead” which i think could be about how thomas won’t let himself talk about remus’s thoughts, or janus’s lies, or even logan being tired of how thomas just tries to do everything everyone else does.

folding chair: roman, i think. part of it, patton, maybe. it’s hard to articulate exactly what i mean, but i think a lot of it has to do with being tired and lonely. i think maybe what i’m thinking with roman is that he’s been living so long one kind of way, but it’s not a happy kind of way. like he wants to do something (maybe flashbacks to ‘broadway here i come’ mayybe) or become a dark side, but he’s scared. “now i’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years/waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears/but every time the tide comes in to take me home/i get scared, and i’m sitting here alone.” i’m still not completely sure why this came off as roman to me, but maybe someone else would see it better. i don’t think it fits nearly as well as the other songs, but hey, i said i’d do all of them.

machine: janus or logan. kind of surprised it’s not a definite ‘logan,’ with its name, but it’s a lot about society and there’s a transition from “pre-war apartment” to “post-war apartment” which doesn’t fit logan very well at all. and rather than being ‘i am a machine,’ it’s “i’m hooked into machine.” i think that implies that the machine is society (forgive me if that doesn’t make much sense, genius doesn’t have much on this one) because we’re so intertwined, so connected to each other and functioning as a society, possibly how the government wants us to. some of the lyrics make me think it’s about some alternate universe, like “I collect my moments/into a correspondence/with a mightier power/who just lacks my perspective/and who lacks my organics/and who covets my defects,” which is the only reason i didn’t take logan out of the characters completely.

laughing with: janus, if he’s singing it sarcastically. i think he would be making fun of the people who ‘laugh at god.’ also the line “no one laughs at god on the day they realize/that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes” which i think would’ve resonated very well with janus before svsr. not gonna say much else bc i can barely listen to the song as it is, much less analyze it.

human of the year: maybe also janus, but then again maybe moreso roman or patton. i say janus mostly because it has a very creepy vibe to go with the fictional award of “human of the year.” but roman or patton fits more with the receiver of the award. at least roman would probably give up anything to be deemed that great person, that hero.

two birds: anxceit babyyy. or roceit. it’s really weird because i can’t really tell whether virgil is leaving the wire or janus. the obvious option would be virgil, leaving for the light sides, but the subtler option is the callback. then again, i’m not sure if the one on the wire would change to roman or the general light sides if it was the callback. i also don’t think that virgil wanted janus to come with him, which doesn’t make sense for how the one bird would ask and the other would lie (hehe deceit) and say he was going to come. then again, that could just be a different interpretation of how virgil left the dark sides. in my opinion, though, roceit is much more fun. “i’ll believe it all:” roman. “i won’t let go of your hand:” janus. roman is lying to janus, he’s saying he wants to go to the wedding. janus is trying to just get him to go to the callback. roman’s tempted by it, tempted by how janus is treating him. the line “one more or one less, nobody’s worried” could maybe be janus trying to convince them that it doesn’t matter if they go to the wedding, that lee and mary lee won’t really care. anxceit’s also fun, though.

dance anthem of the 80′s: doesn’t really have a side that it fits in canon, but i think it’d be interesting to put it with patton in an AU. the character is peppy and innocent at first, but it descends into a more depressing tone. i also think the heteronormativity does it a favor in its context. again, it has nothing to do with canon, just thought it’d be cool in an AU.

genius next door: logan, or remus. this song hurts me every time i hear it, since i’ve started associating it with logan. it’s pretty much about this kid, the genius, who’s presumably depressed and goes into the lake each night, holding his breath until he comes back up. this ends up being a bad idea, because at one point he holds his breath too long, and dies in the lake. mostly as i’ve thought about it, i’ve considered logan, but honestly it kind of fits remus better, like how he “didn't care as long as he was able/to strip his clothes off by the dumpsters/at night while everyone was sleeping/and wade midway into that porridge/just him and his secret he was keeping” (the porridge is the lake.) in addition to that, they describe his death as “and the genius next door was sleeping/dreaming that the antidote was orgasm.” sorry for y’all having to catch me referencing other songs, but in the mountain goat’s “amy aka spent gladiator 1″ he says “do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive/do every stupid thing to try to drive the dark away” (which i think is also a very remus song) so he’s describing how it feels good to risk your life. the adrenaline will make you “feel alive,” which is probably why the kid in the song did it (which i saw in the comments someone compared to being the ‘orgasm.’) and while this is not a good idea, considering what happened to the genius next door, i do think it’s a very remus thing to do if he was depressed.

wallet: patton. it’s a very cute song, and it’s pretty much just about how the singer found a wallet, looked at it a little, then returned it to the owner. the singer says “i have no wallet/i keep my cards together with a blue rubber band” and i think that would be something patton does. “you'll never know me/i'll never know you/but you'll be so happy/when they call you up” is probably how patton would feel returning it. finally, something not depressing.

one more time with feeling: i don’t need to choose a side for this one, it’s already logan. i do want to share my thoughts on it, though, ‘cause it seems i disagree with a couple people (plus i didn’t analyze his playlist so i haven’t said anything about it before.) “everyone takes turns/now it's yours to play the part.” he’s supposed to help thomas, as he did in dwit and tried to in svsr. “and the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflecting it to yours.” they didn’t listen, though, in svsr and it took half an hour in dwit. for the chorus, “hold on/one more time with feeling/try it again, breathing's just a rhythm/say it in your mind until you know that the words are right/this is why we fight,” i think maybe he’s trying to be interesting to them. to just get through it, and practice and practice until he has the words that they’ll like. that’s just my little hc, though. “you thought by now you'd be/so much better than you are/you thought by now they'd see/that you had come so far.” these lines hit the hardest for me. remember how logan was in the beginning? especially in moving on, he seemed to have no compassion for thomas’s feelings. but hasn’t he gotten better? i think he’s trying to be better to them, to be kinder about emotional problems. and he has come far, but not as far as he would’ve liked, especially considering that he hasn’t seen them appreciate it. he was hoping that they’d notice, that they’d be glad he was doing better. that they’d be proud of him. but they aren’t. they just disregard him even more, unable to forget about who he was, unable to consider how far he’d come (maybe projecting a little.) i also think that the “this is why we fight” could be him talking about how because they don’t listen, he’s exhausted from getting angry at them each episode, and they get annoyed but their ignorance is why they fight.

as a whole, i think he’s just trying again, and again, and again, and i thought, maybe he’s trying with feeling. like, he’s trying to feel for them, trying to care. maybe it has to do with what he did in svsr, where he hinted at his feelings, how he felt like they didn’t care. and they didn’t say a thing. they only could’ve reinforced the idea that even though they’ve tried to tell him that he feels, they don’t care. i went on a whole rant about patton, roman, and thomas in svsr and i could again, but that’s not related to the song.

man of a thousand faces: roman, loosely. at first i was like “man of a thousand faces?!?! janus?!?” but it actually barely fits him at all. it might actually be about drugs, but we’ll ignore that. “his words are quiet like stains are/on a tablecloth washed in a river/stains that are trying to cover for each other/or at least blend in with the pattern” could represent his mistakes, his ideas, maybe stuff that didn’t turn out. and maybe the better ideas will cover up his mistakes. “good is better than perfect.” it could be that his perfectionism is driving him insane, and he needs to start reminding himself that it’s better if he starts reaching for at least just good. “and i’m crying for things that/i tell others to do without crying” is such a roman line i...

anyway that’s the album. if you read through this i’m... impressed.