#wanted to celebrate my accomplishments tho because i rarely do that

[mueritos]

The fact that i got accepted into boston university and new york university for graduate school kinda makes me realize i shouldve applied myself more when i was looking for undergrad but at least i dont have as many loans and i still met cool professors ^-^

[shingia]

Could I request Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Sakusa, Miya twins, and Tendou with a reader who used to self harm but was sober for a while, only to relapse after they left bc of a huge argument then please and thanks? Sorry if that’s really intense tho. And thank u for being so nice🙂💞

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌

ok i reaaally hope this is what you expected. i didn’t know what kind of ending you wanted but i decided that you, my friend, needed comfort, so i gave you comfort because you deserve it ❤️️

i hope reading this will make you feel better! kisses on your nose ❤️️

type : (strong) angst | word count : 4.4K

warnings : mentions of self-harm, depiction of depressive behavior (plz do not read if any of these might trigger something, i want you all to be safe <3)

⇀ 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨

« fuck you, kuroo. fuck. you. ». those were the last words you had told him. they had hurt, but they were nothing compared to the last words he had told you, the words that kept playing over and over in your head as you slowly felt yourself drift to your old habits again : « i’m done with you ».

was it your fault ? did you push him over the edge ? you had many questions to ask kuroo, but he wasn’t there to answer anymore. so these thoughts were left spiraling in your head as you started to lose balance between love and pain. because his love used to be the cure to your pain. so now what ? what were you supposed to do other than going back to your old habits ? you couldn’t think of any answer.

on monday morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier because, first of all, you needed some time for the swelling of your eyes to go down, and second of all, you needed to mentally prepare yourself to see kuroo again. it had been two days since your fight, and he had not manifested himself once. it seemed to be well and truly over ; and that thought had been the main cause of the collapsing of your mental strength over the last two days.

during your first period, although you were avoiding his gaze, kuroo couldn’t help but cast glances in your direction. because he knew you better than anyone, and he could only imagine how hurt you were.

but he really started to get suspicious when he noticed you were not raising your hand to correct today’s homework. he had helped you with that last week, and you had told him that you felt confident enough to propose your correction to the class ; which rarely happened. so why weren’t you raising your hand ?

he had a bad feeling about the answer… he didn’t care about giving you quick glances anymore, he just stared at your arms until one of your movements would make your sleeve reveal just a few inches of your skin.

and he was horrified to have his fears confirmed. the cuts that he had so often kissed while holding you in his arms were back. and he knew it was all because of him. and although his first thought was that it was not his job to heal them anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to act unbothered.

he had loved you for long enough to know that you needed him right now. or maybe he still loved you ? it was not clear, but it didn’t matter right now. what mattered was that he needed you to listen to what he wanted to say, even if that was the last thing you accepted to hear from him.

« y/n, we need to talk » he told you once you got out of the classroom. you looked up at him ; his face was unusually austere. he carefully grabbed your shoulder and took you away from everyone else. 

« i can’t… i couldn’t walk out of there pretending like i didn’t see what your arms looked like » he started. « now listen, i know i fucked up, but i still care. and you still matter. whatever our relationship is doesn’t define you and most importantly, these don’t define you » he pointed at your wrists, his brows furrowed with concern. « so please, i’m begging you, keep in mind that i’m always here if you need to talk. always. and if you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, but in that case, please find someone else. for the sake of everything we've been through together, don't let everything you’ve accomplished go to waste » and he wrapped his arms around you in the strongest hug he had ever given.

⇀ 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨

it had already been a week. and bokuto had absolutely no idea what to do. call you ? text you ? probably not. what would he even say ? « hi, sorry for slamming the door in your face after screaming at you for fifteen minutes. am i still your boyfriend ? » awful idea.

and while bokuto was pondering every option he had left to get in touch with you, you were left in the darkest place of your mind. and you hadn’t felt like that in a few months. because bokuto used to always be there, his number on speed dial whenever you feared you would relapse. and thanks to his unwavering support, you hadn’t. but was there anything in this world that was truly unwavering ? you really started to doubt it. and now that bokuto had left you, what could carry the pain away ? whatever the answer was, you were in no condition to think rationally about it.

you remembered how he used to celebrate every improvement in your mental health, how strong of a cornerstone he had been for you. and just the fact of not knowing where you guys were at after your fight was enough to make you feel like you were drowning again.

you were overflowing with emotions that you thought you couldn’t control, and apart from holding on tight to bokuto’s chest, you only knew one way to feel better.

you loved him, you really did. but after a week without hearing from him, you started to think that maybe his feelings were not as real as he pretended they were. and how could you not blame him for that ? for letting you down so fast ?

curled up in your bed, tears were streaming down your face ; because you felt weaker than you had promised yourself to be. you were exhausted, in every sense of the word, yet there was still a tiny bit of strength left in your body that made you grab your phone and open your conversation with bokuto. the last message was a bitter pill to swallow : « no problem babe, i’m always here for you ». it was just a week ago but it felt like an eternity had passed. your fingers started slowly typing on the screen and immediately hit sent, knowing that you would second guess your message if you re-read it. « can we talk? », just three words, it was the maximum you could get off of your chest right now.

but bokuto did not answer. for the simple reason that he was too busy catching his breath in front of your door. he frantically knocked, not stopping until you opened it.

« oh my god, are you okay ?! » he exclaimed, patting your entire body like he wanted to make sure you were well and truly there. and once he had made sure of that, he pulled you against his chest like he wasn’t planning on letting you go ever again. « did- did you… » he ventured to ask, not wanting to finish his sentence precisely because he was afraid of your answer. but when he heard you let out a muffled sob against his chest, his fears instantly got replaced by guilt. more than he had ever felt. « you’re alright, i got you. i got you now… » he murmured, his hands stroking your back tenderly. « we’ll get through this together, ok ? we’ll show the world how strong you are. because i know you are. »

⇀ 𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚

yes, sakusa had run away. and he was glad he had. because he knew how hurtful he could be with his words, and he had enough respect not to inflict that to you. but as he made his way back home, doubt started installing in his head. what if he shouldn’t have left you after your fight ? he immediately shook the thought away. no, you were good now. you were better. nothing like who you were when he met you.

and sakusa could be very convincing when he needed to, including with himself. that’s why he didn’t get in touch with you for the next three days, because he thought you just needed some time for yourself.

but when he received a worried text from komori when he got out of the gym after practice, he changed his mind within seconds. « i just saw y/n, something felt off. maybe you should check on them ? ».

sakusa felt a wave of guilt descend upon of him. of course he should. it was his fucking job to offer you his help, even when he thought you didn’t need it. and especially when he knew what you had already been through. he cursed himself all the way to your house, where he could only imagine how lonely you felt. not wanting to waste any more time, he pulled out his phone to call you. and heaved a relieved sigh at the sound of your voice : « hey, are you ok ? like, right now are you doing ok ? » he asked hastily. 

you sat on your bed and rubbed your strained eyes, fiddling with the cloth of your t-shirt. « i- yeah, i’m good… » you lied. « i’m at your door, open up please, i gotta see you » he said before hanging up.

you knew sakusa was not going to take no for an answer. so, after wiping your tears and putting on a long-sleeved hoodie and sweatpants, you went to open the door. 

« hi… » you uttered quietly. sakusa didn’t dare to move. he had been so determined to get to your house, but now that you were standing in front of him, he wasn’t so sure of what he was supposed to do.

you decided to be the first to break the silence,  « i’m okay. and i’m sorr… » « sorry. about everything. » he pre-empted you. seeing you like this made him fear the worst. so he gently grabbed your wrists like he wanted to hold your hands, when in reality he just wanted to confirm his thoughts. and when he saw you stiffen at his touch, he knew he had guessed right. « come here » he whispered before going in for a hug. but you pulled away at the last second. « can we… go to my room ? i- i feel better there » you asked timidly.

he didn’t even answer and simply wrapped his arm around your shoulder before taking you to your bedroom where you immediately curled up on your bed. you didn’t want sakusa to see you like this, but you were in no position to fight back anymore. quietly, he laid beside you and pulled you in a warm embrace, just tight enough to let you know that he got you now. 

when he noticed you were trying to find something to say, to explain yourself, he shushed you with a kiss on your shoulder. « you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. but i want you to listen to me very carefully : don’t ever think that you’re back to square one now. you’ve dealt with this before, you’ve grown and you can do it again as long as you promise yourself to get back up. and i won’t leave your side. you deserve so much more than what you give yourself, and i’m here to remind you »

⇀ 𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚

tsukishima’s pride was important to him, everyone knew it. the only thing he valued as much as his pride was probably you. but during your arguments, the scale always tipped in his pride’s favor, you simply could not compete.

but surprisingly enough, it was you who had told him to go away after getting in the most heated argument you had ever had. and he didn’t have to be told twice : you had shattered his beloved pride, and he was not going to stay here begging for your mercy.

he still loved you, but he also had no problem ignoring you at school. yet for some reason, this argument didn’t sit well with him. well, no arguments ever sat well with him, but today felt different. 

ignoring you was one of the most hurtful things tsukishima could ever do to you. he had helped you through so much, and suddenly becoming a stranger to him was slowly bringing you back down.

« it’s just one time, i won’t relapse » you thought the first time you tried to cope with the pain the way you used to. but you feared it wouldn’t be just one time. you were diving into what you had said goodbye to ; but now that tsukishima was ignoring you, there was no one to stop you from falling, right ? 

well, that would have been true if he hadn’t kept a discreet but attentive eye on you. which is why he knew very well that you had gone back to your old habits. and he needed to do something about it.

but he wasn’t good with words, and he feared that actions would not be enough this time. he needed something more permanent, something that you could keep with you all the time. so he decided to do something he had never done before, and gave it to you as soon as it was done…

receiving a letter from tsukishima was definitely not something you expected. but what was written in it was even less expected.

« i’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but… i really need you to stop being so hard on yourself. i know it’s not something i usually say, but i fell in love with you because i learned to love your imperfections. and you have to start doing the same about yourself. please. and if you need to be held, to be listened to, i’ll be there. but i wanted to write something because i want you to be able to read this as much as you need, as much as you want. i want you to get better, but even more than that, i want you to want to get better. you can do it, i believe in you more than you can think. please come to me if you need it. i love you ».

the tears that streamed down your face had a salty taste, but for the first time in a long time, they tasted like hope as well. and the next time you came face to face with yourself and your thoughts, your eyes found find their way back to the letter, and you knew that there were people that still believed in you, counted on you, loved you. tsukki was just the first one of a long list. (<3)

⇀ 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

he had been there through everything. more than you would have imagined. which is probably why you felt desperately empty ever since he got so angry at you that he left without looking back. but at the time, it simply had not crossed his mind that you would suffer so deeply from his words.

but you did. a lot. and that was the reason you found yourself crying on your bedroom floor, not even able to be mad at anyone but yourself.

still oblivious to the true damage, atsumu thought he could get back to you by pretending like nothing had happened. he often did that because, to him, what was in the past belonged in the past. except that today, and in your situation, it could not work.

« wanna grab something to eat ? » was the first text he sent you. and you didn’t feel like answering, so you didn’t. « are you still mad ? i’m not <3 » was the second one. but you still didn’t feel like answering. maybe it was your fault ? maybe you were overreacting while you were just supposed to play it cool like he did ? but you would have played it cool if you knew how to.

when atsumu decided to go to your house, it was initially to apologize in person. he had not planned on seeing you looking the way you did, which was a heart-wrenching reminder of the dark period of time you had gotten through together. but here he was, standing in front of you, feeling more helpless than ever. he knew too well the look into your eyes, one that he hadn’t seen in a long time. 

he dropped the pack of snacks he was holding in his hands before cupping your cheeks. « oh no, no, no. i fucked up, didn’t i ? i am… so so so sorry. c-can you forgive me ? » he stammered, absolute panic in his eyes as he took you in his arms. why would i have to forgive you ? you thought. i’m the only one to blame. 

but atsumu seemed to also hear the things you didn’t say, and he refused to let you feel guilty for anything. ever so gently, he took your hands in his before placing the softest kisses on your wrists that were still covered by the sleeves of your hoodie. « i probably won’t ever forgive myself for leaving you alone. but promise me you’ll always come to me if you need help, or any kind of support, hugs, kisses… you name it. i’ll be your coping mechanism, and i’ll be the best you’ve ever had »

and he kept holding you for a long time, at least until he felt your breath become steady again. and if you thought atsumu was doting before, prepare yourself to be even more amazed now.

⇀ 𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮

fighting with osamu was not frequent, fortunately. but when fights occured, it was bad. really bad. he tended to think that you could endure as much as atsumu when it came to harsh words ; but you couldn’t.

kind of like his brother, samu had a tendency to leave the past behind and pretend like nothing happened when he got in touch with you after a fight. and that’s what he did a week ago, after one of the biggest arguments that you had ever had.

too happy that he seemed to still want to be your boyfriend, you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you had gone back to your old habits during the time you were on bad terms. but as they said, old habits died hard, and your destructive thoughts were still very present even when things seemed to have gotten back to normal.

yet samu was not blind, and he noticed that you were acting a bit more distant since last week, since your fight. but he still thought that your problems could be solved by just keeping on pretending like everything was ok. and eventually, things would turn out ok by themselves, right ?

you were laying on his bed, turned on your side as you scrolled on your phone. usually you would have had an arm swung around him, but you didn’t want to take any risk, so you kept your distances. 

« hey, come closer baby. we’ve barely cuddled today » he told you before lazily wrapping his arm around your waist.

feeling nervous, you swallowed the lump in your throat before putting your phone on the nightstand. « i’m going to sleep, samu », you said, stretching your arm to turn off the light.

but he was quicker than you and gently grabbed your arm, careful not to apply any pressure on it. his eyes widened, he had barely seen your wrist but it had been enough to notice that the scars were recent. he put two and two together and looked at you dead in the eyes ; you looked ashamed, and it broke his heart. « when did y- was it because of me ? » he asked, his voice faintly shaking. you pulled away from his hand and held your arm against you, sinking in the pillow. « no, of course not. it’s nothing » you breathed out, looking away to avoid his gaze. but he was quick to make you face him again, with a slight pressure of his fingertips on your red cheeks. « there’s only one thing that i hate more than seeing you in pain. it’s knowing that i caused this pain. let me help you, y/n. please. you deserve to feel better. i’m sorry i didn’t give you as much love as you gave me. and i’m sorry for behaving like an asshole when you needed me. just… fuck, i just love you ».

tears started prickling the corner of your eyes, but he saw you trying to hold them back. with the most gentle look in his eyes, he proposed to turn off the light if it made you feel better. and you nodded ; you knew that you’d eventually had to have a face-to-face conversation with him. it was the only way to get better. but right now you just wanted to be held without thinking about what he’d see. or wouldn’t see.

so he turned off the light and let yourself get comfortable in bed before wrapping you in his embrace once again. his soft breath against your neck was obviously not enough to make all your pain magically go away, but it let you know that he had your back. and it was all that mattered.

⇀ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮

« i don’t want to do this anymore, y/n ! » tendou had yelled, making this sentence the peak of your argument. six words, and they were on replay in your minds since four days. you couldn’t believe that almost two years of relationship had ended so abruptly. but you had to face the truth : tendou had enough of you. and obviously you linked that to the turbulent start of your relationship. you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to deal with your self harm when you had just started dating. yet he had managed to make you feel so much better that you had been sober for about a year, all thanks to him. but maybe you hadn’t been grateful enough ? maybe that was why he had decided to end things now ?

the only thing you knew for sure was that he was gone, and you felt like you had lost your anchor.

you had spent the weekend in your dorm, and it had been a painful weekend. so painful that you did not get out of bed on monday morning ; it was just too much to handle. deep down you knew that you were not handling your problems the right way… and escaping reality was not viable.

but little did you know that tendou wanted nothing more than to see you again in the hallways and finally have a heart-to-heart conversation with you. and when he didn’t see you in class, he started to freak out. he knew how it was to feel alone and rejected ; and he started to fear that he had caused you to feel exactly that. so he did not follow his friends to the cafeteria at lunch and headed to your dorm instead, hoping that you’d open the door.

and you did. thank god you did. but panic started bubbling in his chest when his eyes laid on your face.

« alright, come here » he told you with a forced smile before pulling you in his embrace. truthfully, he didn’t feel like smiling, but he knew that the last thing you needed was to think you made him feel bad. when he was with you, his main goal was to cheer you up, he’d deal with himself later. « angel… did you do it again ? » he asked, his tone being the furthest thing from judgmental. you muttered a quiet apology, your face buried in his white uniform jacket. but something lingered on your mind. angel ? it sounded right, but you knew it wasn’t. not anymore. « don’t apologize ! the only person you owe an apology to is yourself » he whispered against your ear. slowly, he put his hands on your waist before bringing you to your bed where he sat right next to you, still refusing to take his hands off of your body.

 « tendou, you don’t have to do this… » you muttered, knowing that you weren’t supposed to be this close anymore. « i’m your ex, you don’t owe me anything ».

he immediately looked down to meet your eyes, an eyebrow raised in confusion. « your ex ? wh- you think i broke up with you ? y/n, when i said that i didn’t want to do this anymore, i was talking about fighting with you ! i’m sorry, i should have texted you these last few days, but i thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me »

a tear rolled down your cheek. tendou’s words sounded like heaven right now. maybe you weren’t alone after all ?

« now, do you need me to get you something ? band-aids ? anything ? » he asked, caressing your hair with his right hand. you nodded your head no and kept your head buried in his neck, like you were waiting for his scent to go to your head. « i know you’ve been through a lot, and i’m proud of you no matter what. but, you know… even though i have enough love for the both of us, i’d really want you to have enough love for yourself » he said and placed a kiss on top of your head, waiting for you to say something. but he sensed that you were not ready yet. and he was ok with that, the last thing he wanted to do was to pressure you. it was going to be a long path, but you had already done it, and you were going to do it again. and he’d be there the whole time.

ok so if you’ve read until there it probably means that you needed comfort (i hope i have given you enough) : so if you are in this situation yourself, PLEASE don’t be afraid to ask for help, you can and you will get better. i’m rooting for you like saeko roots for karasuno ❤️️

@toworuu (didn’t forget about you ^^)

[sortagaysortahigh]

hi bae i wanted to get your thoughts on something. idk if you’ve heard of moon knight but it’s the new marvel show and the main character has dissociative identity disorder. people with did have said the shows portrayal of did is problematic, however the show also has the first arabic director of a marvel show or movie, arabic and egyptian cast members and also a lot of cultural representation. it’s a big win for some as it’s a community who rarely rarely gets representation. do u think it’s fair to say that the show shouldn’t be watched at all or is it fine to watch it as long as u educate yourself on what true did is? because some people say that it’s not fair to put up with bad portrayal of did just to get a diversity win for another culture but some people have waited all their lives for the representation. i’ve also seen some ppl say that even black panther had some problematic stuff about it but should still be celebrated for all it accomplished and this is the same thing. idk i just wanna know if u have thoughts on it

Hi bby! Ok first and foremost ive been watching moon knight and i acc read the comics a while back! (Its hella different from the comics tho like a sharp unexpected left turn, but even in the comics DID is portrayed in a v stereotypical omg theyre crazy!!!!! Way yk?). I think that the show is definitely a win for represention in terms of culture however its a loss for representation in terms of DID, im a firm believer that you can enjoy media while also holding its writers accountable for their shitshow stereotyping and missing marks (i.e outerbanks on netflix). Definitely educate yourself on DID and dont let the shows whack representation of it be the only view you have on it. Its important to recognize that a lot of disorders/mental illnesses/diseases/things found in the DSM will often times NOT BE properly portrayed in media because of lack of representation and education , but i dont think you should write the show off completely and be like lol no fuck you im not warching this even tho as a brown person i acc feel seen w brown ppl on screen. Theres always double edged swords in media consumption and honestly when it comes to marvel im just glad that the movies and shows arent nearly as bad or insensitive as some of the og comics. I dont think it’s necessarily fair to write the show off bc of its portrayal of DID, just as movies like split and glass have a negative portrayal as well but as a horror buff ive seen them bc they fall into catergories of movies that i enjoy, but i also know that this is fiction and view it as such. My big thing is take the portrayal of any disorder/diagnosable condition or illness with a grain of salt in the case of marvel/fiction comic based media and let yourself wnjoy the on screen cultural representation

[isabellitah]

🤍 HARGREEVES FAMILY

————————————————-

Title : new normal

Pairing : none- this focuses on Five 🤍

Warning : none

Note : this is based on @klaus-is-the-real-number-1 ’s soft post apocalypse fluff ahh thank you so much for giving me permission to do this ! I love your work alskjdl oh! And you guys can read the HC here 🤍

Also I didn’t know if she/they’d be okay w me adding Number Eight sooo 👀 this contains no Number Eight or reader insert. And- I added my own tweaks to it. I hope you still enjoy tho 🤍

————————————————-

so…

the apocalypse is permanently over

everything-

everything’s… normal

so-

now what?

majority of Five’s life was dedicated in stopping the apocalypse

and now that he accomplished that and lived

he doesn’t know what to do

his siblings can go back to their everyday lives

but him?

he has to start from scratch

he has no formal education

or hobby

or job

i mean-

his whole life was the apocalypse

either that or killing

but neither are on option he wants in his future

so what is he to do?

what’s the new normal for the Hargreeves Siblings?

It was Klaus and Allison’s idea, really. For the entire family to move into their childhood home- permanently. To quote the excuse Allison used, “well we did the impossible with stopping the end of the world- why not make new and happy memories where most of our nightmares occured?” and just like that, the Hargreeves siblings were all under one roof once more.

Now- Five is technically older than every single one of them but does that stop them from treating him like the child he looks like? HA! nO-

But they do respect him because c’mon-

The boy guy is willing to go through puberty twice just to make sure they live a long ass life- of course they’d respect him. Not to mention that as their sibling- they love him- even if they show it in their own odd ways.

As a man that looks like a child, Allison basically mothers him- not really the smothering type of mother but rather the type that makes sure he eats healthily, sleeps enough, and overall just takes care of himself. And Five lets her because he knows that aside from showing she cares, it’s her way of coping that she still isn’t allowed to see her daughter. And let’s be real here- all the Hargreeves siblings long for positive and loving attention aimed towards them so you bet that no matter how much Five grumbles about Allison’s mothering, he secretly loves it- he loves that someone cares enough to look after him- actually show him that he still matters and is still a part of the family.

And another thing- due to the numerous traumas bestowed on him by both being in the apocalypse and in the commission, Five hates sleeping alone. In the apocalypse, he always fell asleep hoping that it was all a nightmare- that when he wakes up it’ll be to the bright morning light streaming into his room from the window. While working for the commission, he fell asleep with thoughts of how to travel back in time to stop the apocalypse- only to wake up due to the nightmares varying from seeing his siblings’ dead bodies or hearing siblings’ blame him for their deaths- that he couldn’t save them. And so, because of the fear that he’ll wake up and everyone will be gone or he’ll be back in the apocalypse or the commission, he developed a habit of sneaking into his any of his siblings’ rooms armed with a blanket and a pillow at night and proceed to sleep on the floor only to disappear minutes before they wake up. This worked well until Luther tripped over him one night and screamed like a lil girl shouted like a man. Luckily Five didn't wake up as it was one of those rare times that he was in a deep sleep. Upon noticing that it was his older younger brother, he lifted Five up and placed him on his bed before turning around to give him space. Not even two steps later, he felt a hand around his wrist before he heard Five mutter, “please don’t leave me alone…”.

Yeah- during breakfast that day, Luther told everyone, much to Five’s dismay but hey- at least Five never sleeps alone again- and he rarely has nightmares nowadays, and when he does- his siblings are there for him to comfort him and remind him that he’s home now and that he's safe with them.

And another thing- after finding out everything Five’s done for the family, you bet that they all became softer and more protective of him. But Diego? Oh Diego went to the next level- he literally became Five’s bodyguard slash guard dog. The man literally barked at some kid when he made fun of Five’s uniform I- the kid ran away crying. Diego looked pleased while Five just facepalmed- but he had a smirk on his face. It was amusing and worrying, to say the least, for passer-bys that day to see a grown man in all black looking like a full-blown assassin barking at a grade schooler.

Next scene- Klaus’ drug problem- they all band together to help him- don’t try to convince me otherwise- this is canon to me. And they struggled with it at first what with Klaus being stubborn but his siblings combined are even more so- but what actually made him start to put in more effort to be clean was when he heard Five mutter that he didn’t want to loose him again. You bet that that night, Klaus cuddled Five in Five’s own room.

Every Thursday night they always make time to all sit down on the floor in front of Vanya who stood in front of the fireplace. No matter how busy their schedule was that day- no matter how tired they are- hearing Vanya playing the violin always eased all their muscles enough to make the, all fall asleep then and there. After about three pieces, Vanya joins in on them- cuddling in between Five and Allison- right at the center of their cuddle pile. Between Allison and Luther is Diego, while Klaus is between Ben and Five. i refuse to have Ben dead fight me

Speaking of Ben- he’s a famous poet now! His most famous book of poetry is, as you guessed it, about his love for his family. And of course it was dedicated to said family. Five was the first one who bought it- Ben didn’t know that Five stayed up late to get the book because let’s be real here- some die hard fans probs stayed up late to try to get the first copy too. It was rumored that the first copy always had a polaroid copy from Ben’s personal album- none of the previous first buyers ever confirmed or denied it nor have they ever shared the picture- it was between them and Ben only. Anyway- when Five got it, it actually had a personal and handwritten note from the author, thanking him for being the first buyer of that book- and the two polaroids attached to it was one of his family, and one of him with Klaus and Five. In the polaroid of him, Klaus, and Ben, Ben was smiling widely at the camera while Klaus and Five jokingly kissed his cheeks. And underneath that polaroid was written, “nice try, Five- I saw the address and immediately knew it was you. Thanks though and I love you -Ben 🤍”

A new development- that everyone loves- is playing with Five’s hair. Even just brushing their hand through it can somehow feel so soothing to the siblings. Five would just be sat in his chair in the kitchens drinking his coffee or on the couch eating the sandwich Allison made him- and someone will just walk past and run their hand through his hair or actually sit next to him on the couch and just play with his hair. They’d never get any complaints. Heck- he once laid his head on Ben’s lap right after finishing his sandwich and whined when Ben teasingly stopped his petting then actually let out a purr when Ben continued the motion of combing his hand through his hair. In conclusion, Five acts like a cat sometimes.

A way to end the week right is to have a slumber party with your siblings. With that said- every Saturday night, to celebrate another successful week finished, they all have a slumber party where they have a movie marathon, pig out on takeaway, snack on various junk foods, and talk about nearly anything and everything under the sun all night long until they all fall sleep in one big pile. If one sibling is unable to make it- you bet that Five would jump to wherever they are so that they won’t miss their weekly slumber party. He’ll just jump them back in the morning if they had a meeting or something important to go to- he prefers them all to be complete under one roof so that he can make sure that they’re all safe.

So-

What is the new normal for the Hargreeves Siblings?

Well- therefore I conclude, that the Hargreeves Siblings turned from a chaotically stressful and dysfunctional family into a chaotically and stressfully loving and somewhat functional family.

And that, is their new normal.

[charlotteu]

⟨ SON CHAEYOUNG. CIS FEMALE. SHE/HER. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, CHARLOTTE TAM is actually a descendent of H E P H A E S T U S it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY TWO year old CIVIL ENGINEERING/BUSINESS MAJOR from SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite PRECISE & TENSE.

heyheyhey girls gays & they’s. my og’s remember charlotte and how deeply i love her also the looming promise that i’d bring her back. and here are we so ✌️ if any of you don’t know, i’m dakota, i’m nineteen (19), i live in cst, and i’m a part time barista along with a full time political science major. i’ll have some vague wanted connections at the bottom of this but my dm’s are always open both on here and on discord @ wet ass politics#6969

trigger warnings: death

full name & nicknames :

charlotte chunhwa tam / lottie & lola

major :

civil engineering & business

sexuality :

lesbian

gender idenitity / pronouns :

cis - female / she/her

age / birthday :

twenty - three, december tenth, nineteen - ninety - eight

zodiac :

sagittarius

personality :

charlotte is known to find literal scraps of anything and manage to make something gorgeous from it - whether it’s food, metal scraps, or a nearly - ruined picnic table - it’s a skill that she takes great pride in. she constantly tries to bring her loved ones together in one form or another, which results in quite a lot of last - minute plans and “family dinners.” because of these two traits, if someone just happened to forget to plan a birthday party or a baby shower and needed it thrown together within a day or two (maybe that is on her bucket list, maybe not,) charlotte is your perfect person. regardless of this, charlotte is still considered that friend that never has their life together and has an extensional crises every few weeks. family wise, their relationship with their siblings is something that they take very seriously. even the ones that give her stress acne are still very much able to feel the affection and love she’s has for her family. she constantly checks in on all of her siblings and regularly makes an effort to be as involved in their lives as possible.

when it comes to school work, charlotte is perfectly organized. a well - planned and well - filled out academic calendar is always in her backpack and she has a few dozen notifications on both her phone and her laptop to remind her of class assignments. she is well - known at the tutoring center for her near constant sessions to ensure to that she is totally, a hundred percent getting the assignment. her math classes is where she thrives, and she has a record of taking several math classes during the summertime to further her knowledge. charlotte’s known for the immense pride that she takes in her work along with the very long academia career that they wish to have.

myers - briggs, vice, & virtue :

entp, temperance, & distrusting

hobbies :

welding, drawing, sculpting/general crafting, trivia games, meditation, going into nature & finding animals, 

powers :

sensing faults in metal ores, technokenesis, and pyrokinesis. charlotte considers her technokenesis powers to be the stronger of her abilities now that she’s taken the time to work on it since her break. she uses it to help both students and professors on campus deal with their I.T issues and to make small devices to help her friends in their way to help with their daily life. she plans to use her sensing abilities to help with her career choice later on in life, so she continues to work on improving them to help later on. with honesty, she doesn’t use pyrokinesis beyond helping her forge things or as a cute party trick. they have very few plans to ever venture beyond the walls of a protected area ever again so her ability to control whatever flames she makes under pressure is virtually nonexistent.

backstory :

         tam chaewon, aged thirty, had just finished her blacksmith apprenticeship abroad in the netherlands when she decides to go to a bar to celebrate with some friends before trying to find a job when she’s approached by a man claiming to overhear her accomplishment. eager to talk about her future, the two of them end up talking for three hours about it along with the various paths open for her to take. maybe it’s the willingness to sit and listen to her or maybe it’s the legitimacy in his interest that drew her in, but the two ended up spending the night together; they spend only two days together before he leaves with an address for chaewon to write to him if it’s needed. and she does, approximately two months later when she learns she’s pregnant with a baby girl. he writes back nothing but an apology, money to help with the expenses, along with a separate letter to give to the child when she turned ten. 

(trigger warning in the paragraph: death specifically during child birth.)         fast forward through a tornado of eight months and chaewon is visiting her parents when charlotte was born prematurely in seoul, south korea in chaewon’s childhood bathroom. there’s a complication with both chaewon and charlotte shortly the birth and the paramedics sped through the streets to pick up the two, doing their best to keep the two of them alive during the ride. the woman’s family races behind them in the family car, barely able to find the room the two are in to see the nurses rush ahead of them. (no one can tell charlotte what the complication is, but her mom stays alive for an gruesome day and a half, straddling the border between life and death. she’s declared dead on december eleventh at 12:18 pm, 1998.) legend has it that silence ran through the waiting room that the family was in, an unearthly wail leaving charlotte’s grandmother as she realizes what she had to pay to receive her granddaughter. no one wants to touch the child, let alone raise her. their family is faced with a choice when they’re handed the death certificate of their daughter, the birth certificate of their granddaughter, and their granddaughter herself.

           her uncle is the one that ends up taking her in that day. the oldest sibling to her mother by six years, he had been an entrepreneur bachelor his entire life up until that point. so it’s whiplash, to say the least, to completely upheave his life in seoul and move to the small town of parga, greece to raise charlotte. the transition period between being a bachelor to a single father is hard, but he does his best to not give up on it. along side the lack of support from his family, it makes it all such a draining process. when she turns six, her uncle hires the first person to help the family: a highly recommended local nanny by the name of phoebe who would stay with the tam family until charlotte turned eighteen. it’s around this time that her uncle begins to drift away more, trying to keep his business on track, but he always comes back with an elaborate apology and an equally elaborate gift for charlotte to make up for the digression. 

          when she turns twelve, she starts to develop ... slightly unusual powers that always came as a shock but were immediately chalked up to scarily accurate guesses. it’s a fun party trick she uses at classroom gatherings, guessing where faults where in desks, trying to figure out what was wrong with technology, etc. and it didn’t go much beyond that for a very long time. it’s a rainy summer day when her uncle sits her down with a strange man who explains to the both of them that she’s a ... demigod. it takes a whole afternoon to convince charlotte of this fact while her uncle looks at her like a monster. she promptly declines any move to go to a camp (much to her uncle’s dismay) and the next six years of her life is promptly laid out. a life lived in a private plane, tucked away from the world to live out of a few suitcases and bought time from others.

          this quiet life sealed away from the outside world leaves her doing whatever she can to keep busy. building whatever she can, trying to stay as occupied as much as she can. it results in a suitcase full of little trinkets by the time she’s six months into home schooling. the next few years of her life pass her by in a terrible haze as she does everything she can to catch up to the life that has been set out for her. her life begins to slow down when she gets into college at the age of nineteen, where she finally finds a safe haven amongst people like her. however, at the beginning of 2020, charlotte finds herself catching deep feelings for one EILILDH GALBRAITH. a fiery, vibrant, and resistant spirit immediately draws charlotte into deep feelings for her. the relationship happens for several months before the relationship comes to an abrupt halt in the end of october. unable to come to terms with her first major breakup, charlotte cites a personal, family matter to switch to online classes before coming back to in person at the end of finals shortly before the evacuation. 

wanted connections :

DREAMLAND / a v simple plot with room for extreme nuance! someone that charlotte can help bounce ideas off of and vise versa. enable each other’s terrible ideas but do it with much love and a camera on hand at all times. ( 0/2 spots taken )

HIT DIFFERENT / some type of fun flirtatious relationship. maybe they’re just friends, maybe they’re party buddies (for the rare parties that she goes to,) or maybe they just happen to keep meeting. hopefully it’s very relaxed on both ends. ( 0/1 spots taken, must be afab )

ALWAYS GOLDEN / best friends, ride or die type shit. can we get some friend group for it tho because i always love a good group dynamic ( 0/5 spots taken )

I DIDN’T FALL / some kind of missed love, like those missed connections on craiglist. maybe the two of them grew close during charlotte’s time away from university or maybe they almost dated before charlotte was out, either way there’s still some mixed feelings of resentment for not making a move, the deathly “what if’s?”, and mayhaps some feelings that still linger. ( 0/1 spots taken, must be afab )

SPORTS / someone who helped navigate charlotte through her own experience of coming out and how that fits into her cultural identity along and her career field. i have a decent idea of her coming out process but i’m definitely flexible with it ( 0/1 spots taken )

[huttons]

Never Really Was Enough, Pt II

word count: 3.9k

warnings: talk of homophobia, off-screen character death

summary:  When Eva moves to Raleigh, it wasn’t a happy occasion. She needed to get away from her family and moving across the country was the quickest way for her to accomplish that. As she finds her place in Raleigh, she finds a new family with people she never expected to (especially with a certain red-headed hockey player).

authors note: written as part of FandomTrumpsHate for @antoineroussel​ <3

pt. one | ao3 link

~ ~ ~

“You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days, someone is going to find you.”

By the time November rolls around, Eva feels like she’s finally settled into Raleigh and can finally think of it as home. It’s a good feeling, one that she wasn’t expecting at first. But work has been going extremely well and she’s got a few friends now.

There still hasn’t been any word from her family, and while it isn’t surprising, it still hurts that they don’t care enough to reach out to her, especially with the holidays coming up. Eva is complaining about this when Sammy brings up the fact that the Canes are doing a Thanksgiving get-together in a couple of weeks.

“I just know that you won’t be going home, and Patrick and I can’t afford to go visit either of our families right now,” Sammy explains. “And don’t offer to pay for anything again. Just because you have the money for it doesn’t mean you need to spend it on us like that.”

“I know, I just want you guys to be happy,” Eva says. “But…if you really think that they would be okay with me coming, then yeah, I’d love to come.”

“Seriously, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a ragtag group of people who don’t have anyone else, so you won’t be out of place.”

“In that case, count me in. I was honestly expecting to spend Thanksgiving by myself, so I think I can handle hanging out with y’all.”

“Eva, did you really think that we would have you spend the holidays by yourself?”

Eva shrugs. “I mean, you guys have family, so it’s not like I was expecting for you to hang around here. And it would have sucked, but I wouldn’t have minded too much. I didn’t celebrate with my family too much anyways once I left for university.”

“That’s shitty,” Sammy says, bringing Eva in for a short hug.

“Yeah, but I got used to it, with it just being my brother and I for a while.”

“Well, consider us your new family. You’re going to be stuck with us forever.”

“I guess there’s worse things out there.”

~ ~ ~

Once the holiday party rolls around, Eva has baked what feels like a million different desserts. Sammy had been insistent that she didn’t need to bring anything, but it’s been a long time since Eva has been able to bake for a large group of people. Besides, it helps get her mind off of her nervousness of seeing Dougie again.

It’s not like she has a crush on him, but he’s exactly her type and if they continue to run into each other, then it’s something she has to get figured out. So, she bakes until she’s unsure of how she’s going to be able to transport it all. Surely there’ll be at least a couple of people who’ll be bribed into helping in exchange for extra dessert.

Once Eva arrives at the house that’s hosting the event, she texts Sammy to bring a couple of people to help her. As she looks at the cakes, cookies, and pies she made, Eva is starting to think she’s made it painfully obvious that she’s been stress baking. But she shrugs it off, knowing that they’ll all probably disappear by the end of the night.

“Jesus, how much did you end up baking?” Sammy asks, a bit of shock in her voice.

She looks over to see that Sammy has enlisted Dougie for help, and Eva is really wondering why this has to be the first time she’s seeing him today.

Eva shrugs. “You said there were going to be players here, I figured they could finish it all.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Dougie replies. “I’m sure we’ll find a way to eat everything, even if we shouldn’t.”

“Well, that’s good,” Eva says. “Let’s get going because this might take a couple of trips.”

When the three of them walk into the house, they’re greeted by a small group that’s hanging out in the living room. Within seconds, they’re there to grab the desserts from their hands, taking them to the designated table.

“Wow, where was the offer for help earlier?” Sammy snorts.

“You didn’t tell us what it was for,” one of the guys replies.

Sammy just rolls her eyes, before heading back out to Eva’s car to get the rest of the desserts. Dougie and Eva trail behind her, laughing as they head out.

“So, couldn’t fly back home?” he asks Eva.

“Oh, she could afford it, but she decided she would rather be stuck with us instead,” Sammy interjects, giving Eva an out from having to explain.

“It’s a decision I’m starting to regret greatly,” Eva says flatly.

Dougie lets out one of his infectious laughs as they get to her car. The walk back is quiet and once they’re all back, Eva gets swept up into conversations with some of the office staff that recognize her from the last two events. She’s a little sad she doesn’t get to see much of Dougie, but it’s probably the best if she doesn’t want to fall halfway in love with him.

Before she knows it, Eva is feeling full and tired. The day passes in a blur, but she feels more content than she has in a while. In a way, it almost felt like the holidays with her family, before everything turned out for the worse. As she gets ready to head out, Dougie comes over to say goodbye.

“Sorry we didn’t get to talk much today,” he says apologetically.

“It’s not a big deal, I get that you’re popular around here,” Eva replies jokingly.

“Still, I’d been hoping to talk to you a bit more. I was wondering if you’d feel comfortable exchanging numbers?”

And, well, Eva can’t say no to that. So, she ends up leaving with leftovers that will last for days and a new number in her phone. She isn’t really sure if anything is even going to come of it, but she can’t help but to hope that they’ll at least become friends. When Eva gets home, she flops on her bed and opens up a new message with Dougie.

Debating what to say, she simply texts, I hope you got a chance to try something I made today, I wasn’t expecting people to like them so much lol

Once she sends it, she just whispers, “Why the fuck did I send that ? It sounds like I’m fishing for compliments now.”

Only a few minutes later, he texts back, I think you definitely made enough for me to grab something in time 😉 you did good tho, def worth breaking my meal plan for

Oh that’s good then

Dougie doesn’t reply, and Eva decides she doesn’t want to come off as desperate for attention, so she doesn’t send anything back. Feeling a bit weird about the whole thing, Eva tosses her phone on her nightstand, then pulls up Netflix and falls asleep binge watching tv.

The next week passes by in the same routine that Eva has grown used to. She doesn’t hear much from Dougie, most of their conversations are just her congratulating him on playing well. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it, Eva is a little disappointed. When they exchanged numbers, while she wasn’t expecting them to become close, it would have been nice for there to be at least a little substance to their conversations.

“Look, he’s just someone who appreciates talking in person more,” Sammy says when Eva complains about it.

“Is that you hinting that I need to invite him to hang out in person?” Eva asks, scrunching her nose in disdain.

“Hanging out with Dougie isn’t a bad thing. He’s a pretty chill guy and doesn’t expect you to talk all the time. The dude is huge into museums and shit. I know Raleigh isn’t known for having those, but it’s worth going to.”

“Wouldn’t he have already gone to them if he likes them so much?”

“Yeah, but I doubt he’s gone with anyone. Hockey players aren’t much on casually going to museums with their bros.”

“I guess you’re right. And he won’t think this is like…a date or anything, right?”

“No, he’ll just take it as the two of you going to a museum, nothing more. He’ll probably appreciate the company.”

“Fine,” Eva groans.

“Again, if anything happens, I’m taking all of the credit.”

“I really hate you right now.”

“Love you too, Eva.”

~ ~ ~

Dougie seemed ecstatic going to the museum with Eva. He basically confirmed what Sammy has said, that nobody was keen on going to any of the museums with him. So, on a rare Saturday that he has off, Dougie is dragging Eva to the Natural History Museum. He’s excited about the exhibit that they have on display right now, which is something about puzzles.

“So…is it like a history of puzzles?” Eva inquires, as they walk up to the museum.

“No, it’s all about brain games and engaging with the exhibit,” Dougie explains. “It’s all about being hands on.”

“Oh, that should be fun then. No wonder you seem so excited about it,” Eva replies.

“You should be good at them too, since you’re an engineer.”

“Just because I’m an engineer doesn’t make me smarter than anyone else. It’s not my fault society acts like I know more.”

Dougie just laughs. When they get to the ticket office, Dougie buys Eva’s ticket before she can do anything. She just rolls her eyes, and doesn’t say anything until they’re off to the puzzles exhibit.

“I can afford to buy my own ticket, you know. Engineering is lucrative enough for me to be able to buy my own ticket,” Eva says.

“Yeah, but I’m a hockey player, which is even more lucrative.”

“But have you considered that being a hockey player isn’t forever?”

“I’m one right now though, and that’s what matters.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I wanted to hang out with you willingly today,” Eva groans.

Dougie laughs loudly. When they walk into the special exhibit area, they both freeze as they take it in. He was right about it being an interactive puzzle exhibit, but apparently failed to notice that it seemed to be for young kids. Parents were standing around, watching their kids run through the mazes.

“Well, at least you’ll be able to solve them now,” Eva jokes.

“Is that a dig at my intelligence?” Dougie replies, faking offense.

“Maybe,” Eva says, a lip tugging at her lips.

“I’m sorry this was a bust, but do you want to take a look around at the other exhibits?” he asks.

“Sure, sounds good to me.”

And that’s how the two of them spend the rest of the morning looking around. As interesting as it is, Eva is more excited about being able to spend time with Dougie. He’s so much more down-to-earth than she was expecting and Eva feels her crush on him growing larger. While that isn’t what she was hoping for, she supposes there are worse people to have a crush on.

“Are you up for getting lunch together?” Dougie asks as they leave the museum.

“Yeah, if you let me pay for it,” Eva retorts. “Let me spend some of my money.”

“That’s supposed to be my line,” Dougie protests.

“Well, too bad,” she says, smiling widely.

“Fine,” he groans. “I guess I can let you get away with it this time.”

They end up going to a small café only a few blocks away and grab a small table in the corner. Conversation flows easily as they eat their lunch, and Eva finds herself enjoying herself a little too much. Besides Sammy and Patrick, it’s been a long time since she’s found someone she genuinely likes hanging out with. Sure, she hangs out with James and other coworkers on those late nights in the office (or diner), but it’s not the same thing.

“I had a good time,” Dougie says, as he walks Eva back to her car.

“Yeah, me too,” Eva replies. “We should do this again. I’m sure I can hang out during the week, as long as I make it up during the weekend.”

“You don’t have to do that for me,” he says, frowning. “I’m sure I can find some more weekends at some point.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal. I’ve had to come in during weekends before, it’s not an unusual experience.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Dougie, I wouldn’t be offering if I wasn’t sure.”

“Okay then,” he says, smiling softly.

On Eva’s drive back to her apartment, she feels herself smiling stupidly. She really enjoyed being around Dougie and the thought of them hanging out again warms her heart. When she gets back to her apartment, Eva notices that Dougie has already text his schedule for the next couple of weeks. They manage to find a time for them to get dinner the following Wednesday. No matter what Eva thinks, she keeps saying that it’s not a date.

~ ~ ~

By the time Wednesday rolls around, Eva is freaking out. While she knows that it’s not a date, she still wants to make a good impression. Sammy is teasing her about it, but helps calm her down.

“Look, you said that it’s not a date, so just wear what you would wear if we were getting dinner,” Sammy says.

“Right, of course,” Eva whispers.

This helps her settle on a casual outfit, and Sammy soothes her a little more before heading out. Dougie sends her a text not too much later telling Eva that he’s waiting outside her apartment. When she heads down to the curbside, she looks around, trying to find him. She hears a honk from a car nearby, and sees Dougie waiting inside.

“You know, I didn’t picture you driving a Yaris ,” Eva teases. “It’s smaller than I was expecting.”

Dougie snorts. “You’re not the first person to say that. But it was the only rental they had when I first came here and I got attached to it.”

“Only you would get attached to a car,” Eva jokes.

“Why is it that you always find something to tease me about?”

“Well, it’s not like you make it that hard.”

“I feel like I should be more offended than I am.”

Conversation continues to flow in an easy banter as they head to the restaurant that Dougie had picked out. It’s a small family owned Hawaiian place that has been around for a while, with great recommendations. By the time that they get there, Eva is feeling much more at ease than she had earlier in the evening. Dinner continues in a similar fashion, with small jokes and talking about what Eva does.

“So, I can come to you with computer issues?” Dougie asks.

“I guess I could try,” Eva replies. “But that’s more IT than engineering.”

“Thought I would ask anyways,” he says. “So, uh, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Uh, yeah?” Eva replies, a bit confused.

“So, um, I know that this might seem sudden, but I was wondering if you might want to go on a date sometime?” Dougie asks hopefully.

“Oh, Dougie, I…” Eva starts to say.

“Was I reading this wrong?” he replies, face falling.

“No, no, it’s just…let me explain,” Eva says, sighing. “I’m openly bisexual and while I figure that you probably have no problem with it, because you seem like a great person, but…I know how bad the sports community is about this kind of thing. And while I’m sure things might be fine; I also know that people go digging for things.

“I had a girlfriend back in university and I still have pictures of us on my Instagram together. We’re still good friends and those are still happy memories for me. I don’t want to have to hide that part of me and while I might be overreacting…I need to look out for myself, Dougie,” Eva explains. “So, while this isn’t a no, I do need to think about it. And I need you to think about it too, because if people end up talking about it…”

She feels like she laid herself completely bare, letting Dougie see more than she was planning on. But…Eva thought about this over the last few days, and wants to let her concerns be known. Dougie seems to still be processing the news, taking time to consider everything. She appreciates that he isn’t rushing to an answer.

“While I can’t say that I really get it, because I don’t, I understand why you would be nervous,” Dougie says, measuring his words carefully. “I’ll wait for you, though. I know that we honestly don’t know each other all that well, but I know that you’re worth waiting for.”

“Thank you,” Eva whispers. “It’s a lot to take in, I’m fully aware of that, but it’s something that I’ve been thinking about.”

“Oh, so you’ve been thinking about going on a date with me?” Dougie jokes.

Eva blushes. “Was that not obvious?”

“It’s just nice to get a little bit of validation.”

Eva just rolls her eyes. The rest of dinner continues in a comfortable silence, Dougie obviously processing everything that he was told. It was obviously a lot for Eva to trust him with everything she told him, so he decides to let her set the pace of what happens next. He doesn’t want to push her too much.

“We can still hang out if you want to,” Eva says softly, as they walk back to Dougie’s car.

“Yeah, I would like that, if you don’t mind,” he replies. “Even if we decide dating is off the table, I still want to be your friend.”

Eva smiles at this, and it helps ease her a little bit. Things are comfortable on the drive back to her apartment, and before she heads out, she gives him a tight hug. Once she gets up to the apartment, it feels like it’s only a few minutes later than Sammy is knocking on her door to get all the details.

“He asked me on a date,” Eva says.

“And?” Sammy asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I told him I would think about it. I just…I don’t want to have to hide my sexuality again, that’s why I moved down here to Raleigh. No matter how much I like him, if he can’t handle me not hiding it…I don’t want to date him,” Eva explains. “And I’m honestly not sure if I could handle shitty comments either. Like…I know it’s not all that likely, but there has to be a few people that’ll say something .”

“That’s shitty that you even have to think about that,” Sammy replies, hugging Eva briefly.

Eva shrugs. “It is, but it’s the reality of the situation.”

“Do you want to date him though?”

“Yeah, he seems like a great guy. If we didn’t have to think about all of this, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.”

“Then I think that’s something to remember,” Sammy says. “Well, I’ll get out of your hair, I just wanted all the deets right away.”

Eva snorts. “Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.”

“You always have me and Patrick, no matter what.”

Eva gives Sammy another hug before she leaves. Sighing, Eva gets ready for bed and mulls over everything that happened. She wants to say yes, wants to text Dougie about it, but she knows that she has to think about it more seriously now. And so does he, and Eva prepares for the minor heartbreak if he decides that she’s just not worth the trouble. But whatever happens, the end result will be worth it.

The more she thinks about it, she feels like she could handle whatever happens as long as Dougie is okay with it. Having his support would mean a lot to Eva, and as long as things don’t get too bad, she feels like she can handle whatever happens. Besides, it’s not like she’s a player that’s coming out, so things shouldn’t be nearly as bad.

A couple of days pass before Eva gets a text from Dougie that just says, I was wondering if we could meet up to talk about what’s going on?

Yeah, but could we do it at one of our places?

I could come to your apartment. I feel like you’d feel more comfortable there

Oh, yeah, that would actually be nice. Are you free any time tomorrow?

I can come over in the evening, once you get off work? I can bring dinner.

See you then 😊

Time seems to either go too fast or two slow. Eva barely remembers anything that happens at work the next day, and James doesn’t ask if she wants to work late, seeing that she’s a little bit out of it. Once she gets home, Eva paces aimlessly around her apartment, unsure of what to do. When she hears a knock on her door, she practically runs over to open it.

Dougie is standing there, with a bag of takeout. Whatever it is, Eva guesses that it isn’t meal plan approved. But she considers that with the conversation they’re having tonight, a bit of junk food won’t be too bad.

“Uh, come on it,” Eva says, stepping to the side to let him in. “You can set this down in the kitchen.”

Once he’s set down the food, Eva leads him to her living room, and they both take a seat down on the couch. It’s quiet for a moment, neither really knowing what to say. She’s unsure if she wants to go first, since her answer depends on what he’s thinking.

“So, I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” Dougie says. “And I can only imagine how hard it was for you to tell me what you did. You being bi, it’s a big part of who you are, but it’s not going to impact how much I want to date you. I want to date you because you’re an amazing person and that hasn’t changed. I know that it could turn out badly because people are shitty, but…we can figure that all out together. Admittedly, I don’t know what I can do to support you, but whatever that looks like, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you,” Eva whispers. “I’m still a bit scared, it’s hard not to be, but I want to date you. You’re a good person and I feel like things could be good between us.”

“So, you want to date me?”

Eva snorts. “Yeah, I think I could do that.”

Dougie smiles brightly, then it dims a little. “Does this count as our first date?”

“I don’t see why not,” Eva says, shrugging.

“This isn’t how I imagined it going,” Dougie replies, scrunching his nose. “But I guess there’s no time like the present.”

“I admire your positivity.”

Dougie laughs, and Eva smiles brightly. It’s good to hear his laugh again, and Eva gets excited thinking about how she can hear it even more now.

“You know, I think your laugh is my favorite part of you,” Eva says.

“You’re really picking my laugh over my dashing good looks?” Dougie asks, feigning offense.

“Unfortunately,” Eva sighs.

There’s still so much that Eva has yet to tell Dougie, about why she left home and why she’s scared for people to find out about them. But there’ll be time for that in the future, and she doesn’t want to ruin the moment.

[act-addict-actors-matchups]

@anonymous said,

hello !! can i get a matchup? im a pisces, infp & a ravenclaw. i am 5'0.5 and have medium length black wavy hair and brown eyes. i like to try new things though i can be shy & hesitant sometimes. i like things to remain light-hearted but i can be serious too when required. i have a different type of persona for every person,, if im comfortable with someone i get really really talkative and bubbly. (1)

also im like super addicted to my phone,, it's hard for me to even function w/o it. im pretty much a night owl and my sleeping schedule is messed up. i really like fashion, listening to music, travelling, photography, video games & SWEETS. I don't think im very good at comforting others but im a great listener. I'm super lazy & a big procrastinator. (2)

I cannot call or text anyone at all without dying like every second unless we're close. Usually, if i don't get my space i get really annoyed. I'm really stubborn too. I don't really have a hobby except listening to music, reading manga, webnovels or drawing? im so sorry this was so long thank you tho!! (3)

✧ Thank you so much for requesting a matchup anonnie. I don’t know when you send this but I hope you’ll see this and like it. ���

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; You were an intern at his company. One day, while everyone else was at lunch break, you were struggling to finish the assignment you were assigned which was due tomorrow and it didn’t help you at all that the person who was supposed to help you weren’t doing their jobs at all. With a groan, you pushed yourself off your office seat and made your way to the kitchen to get yourself a cup of coffee. It looked like you were staying overtime anyway. While walking towards your destination, you heard the background music of your favorite game and stopped in your tracks. At first you thought you were imagining the sound since it’s been a while since you last played it and there was literally no one else in the building aside from you but after listening more carefully for a while you were sure that someone in the office was indeed playing your favorite game. Careful not to make any noise, you basically tiptoed to the source of the sound only to be greeted with dark blonde locks. The celebrity of the company himself, the person who earned the trust of his coworkers and superiors alike like it was nothing, the one and only Chikasagi Itaru was playing YOUR favorite game. His pink eyes, which reminded you the stone Star Ruby, was glued on the phone in his hand deep in concentration under his bangs. You didn’t even realize you were in a daze until a curse left his lips and he threw his head back in frustration. That is when Itaru noticed that you were here and saw the whole thing. Now, don’t get him wrong, normally he wouldn’t even think of gaming while he was at work but there was this rare event he absolutely had to participate and rank. His game addict instincts basically took control over his mind. With a small smile on your lips you approached him and offered to help while he was desperately trying to think of any excuse to get him out of this situation. You knew you weren’t going to participate in this event no matter how much you wanted to anyway so you might as well use your skills to help someone in need, right? After convincing him to lend you his phone, which took a lot of effort ngl, you cleared the level he was stuck on with ease and handed him his phone back with a smug grin on your face. That was the moment when you became a gaming goddess in his eyes and as a thank you, he helped you with that assignment and miraculously, you managed to finish it before the deadline and started a new friendship with the hardcore gamer.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; First of all, you two compliment each other in a “we’re so similar I get why you’re like that”-way. You two can relate to each other with pretty much everything. He also has two different personas although it’s a bit different from yours but whenever Itaru is in professional mode, he is gentle and charming like a prince who genuinely cares about others but he somewhat maintains his distance and likes to keep his private life to himself but when he’s in home mode, he is not afraid to curse and be rude who also starts to get a bit lazy and outright competitive. I feel like he’s the type of person who would procrastinate as well so i’m just imagining you two lying down and telling each other that you should get up soon but none of you actually makes an attempt to do so.Cue you two rushing to finish whatever you were supposed to do afterwards. Don’t worry about not getting any space because Itaru is not the clingy type unless he’s like, really tired from work but who wouldn’t want to cuddle with their lover time to time? Also, I feel like he can manage your stubbornness because he’s a pretty chill guy.

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Like I said before, you two are basically two peas in a pot so if you really want to you can manage to do everything together. The fact that you like video games is a big plus in the relationship. Sometimes you two just game until the sun rise on your day offs since both of you are night owls and your sleeping schedule is basically nonexistent. If you’re in need for an extra player, Itaru personally drags Banri in your gaming sessions as well so you’re also good friends with the high-spec delinquent. Of course, he will take you out from time to time on normal dates like a mall, arcade, fun fair or a expensive restaurant, but this generally happens when you’re celebrating an important day like anniversaries or birthdays. I can picture you two sitting at a bakery, enjoying whatever you’ve ordered and passionately discussing if the newly released gamer keyboard is actually worth buying or not or going to an arcade and compete to see who can get the most tickets at the end of the day. I can also picture him dropping by your house with your favorite desserts after you’ve accomplished something amazing at work. In short, you’re literally the only person he’s willing to go all out for and he wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Itaru’s birthday is on April 24 which makes him a Taurus. The connection between a Taurus and a Pisces will be built on sheer love and adoration for each other. The earth sign and water sign are complementary to each other. They are both caretakers of those around them and will thus nurture each other, and their relationship, with immense devotion and absolute dedication. Taurus helps Pisces to stay grounded and to focus on the reality. Pisces, on the other hand, soothes the rigidity of the Taurus to unwind themselves from the constant stress of expectations. This aids the bull breathe a little lighter and infuses their with self-assurance and optimism. This relationship will survive the test of time if both parties involved have unbreakable trust in each other and nurture that connection they have painstakingly built over the years. They must remember to be honest and committed to their partner through all times. If natural communication flows between them like clockwork, this will be a beautiful love story with a prominent tag of 'happily-ever-after' pinned right to it.

[szopenhauer]

Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your hometown?           preferred field *chuckle*

Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to?     yes, I have an idea

Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy?           I haven’t

If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? -             

Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to?       celebs should help them, not me, I need help myself!

When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Or do you always try out something new? usually

Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home?       old folks’ home for sure

What is the best part of your most ordinary day?   sleeping :x

Do you enjoy being on your own or are you happier when there’s a crowd around you?           I’m a loner/introvert

Do you ever look up what foreign idioms mean?     yep

What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? I don’t recall atm

What’s a First World problem that you have?         hmm...

Have you ever made a parody version of a popular song?     me and my sister were doing puppet shows for our parents, mostly her ideas as she was forcing me to perform those until I got sick of that

Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? nie bawiłam się w większość gier przez brak zdrowia, ale lubiłam plac z huśtawkami czy drabinkami, albo udawać rodzinę/dom i te fajne białe “krateczki” z kolorowymi “guziczkami” co jak się je wpinało w dziurki to układało się z nich obrazki (nie pamiętam nazwy)

Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? there isn’t

Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? my mom annoys me all the time lol Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? I’m too short but I manage and still some ppl sometimes ask me for help anyway Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? used to smell them but now just texture Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a figurine? How did you do this? I’m no Chunk :P

Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I wouldn’t do that on purpose but I don’t believe in most of the superstitions, luckily there are some things you can do to avoid bad luck like throw salt over your shoulder or knock on non painted wooden thingy etc. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bi polar all the time? I’m sick of ppl who use mental and physical illnesses as excuses when they don’t have them - single headache ain’t a migraine nor being an ass makes you a border, shut up! Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you?  more than once Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? some are good, some not Ever been choked severely on something? just a feather Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? several like monkey, raccoon or cat Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? I didn’t participate but I watched/looked at them when I was younger Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? ... why? Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? at times I talk to my computer (because I hate it so we argue), kettle and fridge, also my stuffed animals of course Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: penis Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? I thought and I wouldn’t like it besides maybe finding some cool stuff that drown  What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? creators lack imagination, they ask the same stuff over and over again, it’s boring What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? red Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? noooo Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? rarely and I’m ashamed of that tbh Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? hell no but I’m not that bad at it Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? I have good memory when it comes to that most of the time - not counting my green scissors grrrr Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? Archelan - Christmas themed and fuzzy  Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? not as often as I’d like to? Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? raped, killed or robbed more likely Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? baths as I like to sit and I don’t like the glass nor have water over my head  Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? it seems Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? nah, I dislike surprises and there weren’t opportunities/possibilities to do that Do you tap fingernails on desks? hardly ever Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? vocalist (who can play instruments) but I have no talent but don’t worry, it was a childish dream that fade away when I found out more about live of a band member Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? nope, we don’t talk, just say HI if anything  Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? yep Do you ever had to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? camp When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? we’ll see, covid situation isn’t helpful and I can’t focus on books lately Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? I treat them how they treat me (not authority figures/dangerous ppl tho) Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? sweet and quiet Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I don’t like to but I still end up arguing, sigh... How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? avoid them, block them, ignore them fight with them when they don’t stay away (not physically yet)

How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? about 200 PLN  What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? cool but wonder how that happened What color is the closest desk to your body? What all is on it? ugly light brown with shitload of stuff The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? gonna have it soon so don’t remind me Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? aliens tried to abduct me in dreams but didn’t succeed ha!  What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? not too tiring but not completely silent either Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ look is important but not as much as personality for sure, it’s like 1:9 I think Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? could say so Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? r u kidding?... Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? anyone can be Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Konrad once told me I’m like a private detective about it because I’m so sneaky they don’t realize until it’s too late but I sadly forget infos quickly due to stress last months so it’s not as useful as it sounds Does it freak you out when the police drive/walk by? somehow Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? I had a friend who was a firefighter

Have you ever woken up to a good morning letter beside you? left in the kitchen but informative like - I went there or feed the dog etc. Would you ever get your nails done? I can do them myself if I ever want to

Are you afraid of worms? maggots Do you wear rings on your thumb? why not How many shirts of yours are red? less than 5 Does the color red look good on you? my first therapist told me I should wear it to be more brave but it causes anger in me so I prefer not to Do you pray before every meal? Sunday lunch with parents Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? not caught but been cheating in high school How many white tank tops do you own? 0? Do loud people bother you? omg YES Does your head itch? not currently but frequently Do you know anyone named John? my ex friend had a nickname like this Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? I’m not stupid Are you a fast runner? like Gimli Did you ever want a pet rabbit? no way

Do you ever want to own a house? apartment more likely How do you feel about men? blergh Do you know any police officers? my neighbor was a police officer Have you ever signed a petition? lots Have you ever aspired to start your own business? I wish Who is the oldest person living in the same building as you? mom The youngest? me Would you rather pay with cash or card? cash, cards make me nervous Have you ever used a pager? I have not Do you like visiting the beach? beachcombing is fun Do you like to buy things? but not spend money lmfao Have you ever been in a polygamous relationship? I didn’t know that I apparently am - jk Is there anyone you haven’t spoken to in a long time but you still think about daily? my grandma for example Would you like to be rich? not filthy, having enough money to live and not barely survive

have you ever behaved like a stalker? *crickets* can you lie and keep a straight face? poker face game strong when situation calls for it

have you ever feared for somebody else’s life? especially dad’s do you prefer honesty, even when it hurts? hard to tell if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be? picked my dog’s  have you ever masturbated while driving? wtf, don’t do that, gross how do you feel when someone takes the last of something? without asking? *cringe* how do you feel when people tell you “bless you” when you sneeze? thank you unless I sneeze many times in a row and they bless me every single time - then it’s annoying what are you supposed to say when somebody coughs? r u ok? have you ever committed a violent crime because of a video game or rap song? who said I play/listen to those? have you ever actually overheard one of your friends talking shit about you? possibly how many partners is too many? at once or in your entire life? do you believe that wearing an aluminum foil hat will stop the government from reading your thoughts? that reminds me of the RED movie XD

would you rather have a hook for a hand or a peg leg? peg leg 100% elseway I’d end up with an eye cover as well if you know what I mean bonus points for/to being a pirate tho how close does someone have to be for you to feel obligated to wait and hold the door for them? either right behind me or carry heavy/big load do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose? for example when I worry about it bleeding  what is your cure for the hiccups? wait

Do you miss Brittany Murphy’s appearance in films? awwww she was such a good actress RIP

Is Christmas stressful? to me it is but I’m stressed 24/7

Do you make your own smoothies or juices? meh

Do you think time really does heal all? NO

Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? cold

Did you care at all when Steve Jobs died? ... he died?

Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? my mother for dirty laundry

When do you decorate for Christmas? as soon as possible

Would you be cool with wearing sweatpants to the grocery store? yes

Have you ever been pranked via a hidden camera? am glad that didn’t happen 

Do you know any of those people who are depressed during the winter? I’m depressed year round

If a job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave? if I can change it without ending up on the street then I leave

How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better? nothing? Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with? my family member[s] How is your relationship with money? we don’t see each other as often as I’d like to ;) get it?  How do you feel about growing old someday? won’t live that long

Are you wearing two shirts? too hot for that Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? disgusting! Can you point out constellations in the night sky? I can not What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? not interested What’s the last thing you bought at a mall? food, antibacterial gel and a blanket

Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? parents but I’ll feel crappy about it  Have you ever swam in a river? as a child Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? ewww seriously?  What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? smells make me sick In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I seek presents whole year then store them for later Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? as a lesbian What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? bushes, grass, moss and trees, wild flowers, if they want to grow, can stay  Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I agree When’s the next time you’ll go to the grocery store? not in next weeks

Where’s your car keys? not applicable Did you keep any momentos of school dances? pics Do you still have clothes from your high school? and middle school  Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? this question...

Do you own anything skull print? had a shirt that I gave to John ages ago Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? parents and my gf Which ex of yours means the most to you? my partner as we’re back together Have you taken prescription medications that didn’t belong to you? oh well... How are your social skills? awkward Have you ever stayed at a hotel for longer than two months? I’m poor Do you ever go outside to look at the stars? there were some days in past summers when me and dad been going to stadium for a walk at night, that’s when and where we saw UFO  Who breaks away from the kiss first? she as she forgets to breathe  Do you know what you weigh? thx for a reminder - they’ll ask in hospital Have you ever smoked anything other than tobacco? one cigarette was all that I smoked in me life Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? nope Do you say koala bear or simply koala? koala  Do you usually travel anywhere in the winter? I’d freeze brrr Do you wait for someone else to take the garbage out when it’s full? we take turns Are most of your friends white? it’s not America so...

Does your hair reach your boobs? not even my shoulders

What’s something that fills you with anxiety? what doesn’t?...

What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? there’s no expiration date

Have you ever watched Bob’s Burgers? fragments

Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? I wasn’t that much of a note passer 

Do you know anyone who is afraid of horses? nah

Do you clean things that are already clean when you’re bored? tha hell?...

Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? tropical

What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? I say it’s important to be healthy but weight isn’t always a sign of being ill

Is there any Irish, Scottish, or Danish in your heritage? none that I know of

Do you find Asians attractive? yes and no

Have either of your parents ever been to jail? nooooo

Keep Calm and Carry On or Screw Calm and Get Angry? there’s time for one of each?

Do you think Urban Outfitters is overpriced? like every other similar store 

Are your colarbones prominent? yeah

Have you ever in your life worn overalls? I have indeed

How did you react when you heard Whitney Houston had died? sorry but I didn’t care

Do you think Helena Bonham Carter is attractive? she is

Would you rather listen to Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield? Dolly

Are you watching The Walking Dead? I’m scared of zombies and gore 

Are you a light sleeper? became lighter

Would you consider cuddling cheating? it’s complicated

What does the purse/bag you last used look like? it’s black with red embroidery and white beads

Can you make a clover with your tongue? impossible

What’s your favorite coffee brand/flavor? I don’t drink coffee

Is your belly button pierced? no piercings!

[smokedcapybara]

A few years ago, I think the year after I graduated high school, me and my brother had three friends over for a very low-key Halloween party

We played Halo all evening

Those three friends and my brother were all very into video games and all loved Halo, I loved Halo but was generally more comfortable watching than playing

But I wanted to join, so I did

I was a little worried that it wouldn’t be as fun for me cause I was so far beneath them all in terms of skill

But first round I participated in, as soon as I got my first kill they all celebrated

They understood that because my skill-level was lower than theirs, my standards for accomplishment needed to be lower as well

As in: while they only celebrated for themselves if they won the round, they celebrated for me every time I got a kill and every time I was the last man standing at the end of the round

(rounds were won by number of kills, not surviving the longest, so while I was often last man standing(I was very good at finding a defensible corner) I was rarely round winner)

And those celebrations over things that, for them, were so little but for me were so big made the game very enjoyable for me

And that stuck with me

I didn’t do it consciously at first, but after that night I found myself continuing to celebrate the little victories

Anything I got done in a day would be celebrated at the end, no matter how small

And I’ve noticed it’s made me a much happier person

A couple years later I started helping my mom do the same, she started to spend less evenings upset about how much she didn’t accomplish and instead find a little joy in the things she did

I want all of y’all to try it too

At the end of every day (tho it’s ok if you forget a day or two or ten) I want you to think back to everything you did that day

Got out of bed? Celebrate!

Made yourself breakfast? Celebrate!

Cleaned up after yourself? Celebrate!

Went for a walk? Celebrate!

Anything accomplished, no matter how small, is worth being happy about

[gg-astrology]

hello 💞 could you please share your thoughts on a gemini sun & taurus moon? thank you dearest gg!! 💕 bless you and your cute astro blog filled with amazing content!! 💖🌸

Helloo!! 💕💕💕 Aww’ I’ll do my best okie!! 💕💕 aksndknfk you’er so sweet thank u so much for ;; 💕💕 dropping by! to say that! and to ask!! 💕💕

[Below Cut: Gemini Sun - Taurus Moon  😤]

Ooof when you join these two together, you get a person who is inspirational to others

Mostly because 1) they FEEL youthful (to others) and 2) they’re joyful, spirited and kindred souls

Can you feeL??? How much Taurus Moon cares?? Can you See?? How Gemini drives you to be better to yourself?? 

Gemini/Taurus are one of those people who can make mistakes over and over again...habitual mistakes, and they never learn how to undo it

Things from their childhood like maybe they finish one project and then jump onto the next suddenly (bc they’re inspired/curious about it) and can often feel dissatisfied/unaccomplished-- because they move from task to task like this without ‘waiting’ for results (impulsive to a degree)

But underneath all that... did you know

That these people are s t u b b o r n as hell, but won’t admit it skdnfksn

Gemini/Taurus have the resilience of Taurus...against the youthful/adventurous spirit of Gemini. 

With both of their signs being young’ins....they may seem more youthful (and good to u)--- but they also have a serious side that we don’t normally talk about 

Did you know....that Gemini can be quite confrontational when they want to?

Gemini/Taurus are backed up by the sensibility of Taurus, the ‘stand-their -ground’ motion and self-assurance that Taurus has (makes them stand out/again, part of inspirational cause they DO have a back-bone)  

Sometimes that Gemini/Taurus combo makes a person literally feel like ‘thought/sensibilities’ climb up their throats ... they can’t help the verbal stuff that comes out... like ‘why didn’t you do xx’ ‘did you think about xx?’ or ‘did you know xx was gonna get xx by xx?’ 

They just want answers. Gemini/Taurus combo can make them inquirers, even one for truths/trying to understand if other people understand the consequence of their action or how far their common sense goes (bc it appeals to them both rationally and emotionally)

It’s cause they care y know, they care about being careful when it comes to other people. When it comes to not hurting others through ur action (recklessness, thoughtless actions) that brings consequences

(even when they’re reckless to themselves ooooof particularly how they treat themselves/their own intellect or capabilities :(  )

They’re not like-- trying to actively attack you or anything (even if it may come off as kind of confrontational)-- it was just a question. 

Ask why, get some clarity, want to know the person’s side/why they do it. It also serves to help others possibly think through their actions more (by back-handedly offering some alternative means/approaches to the situation if they ever faced it again)

They’re reasonable and logical tho, will win over u in a debate with their self-assured manner -- but that’s not ALL to them obviously

These people mind their own business (but maybe they “wont mind” listening in 👀to your ‘problems’ ---bc secretly they may also thrive on other ppl’s drama) 

They may be a lil less talkative/flighty than normal Gemini, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be as sociable or activity-oriented (busy-bodies) as the others! 

These Gemini-Taurus people are friendly, and they also have a few close friends--- people they hang out with. These friends are the people Gemini/Taurus would Hurt for (either be hurt themselves, or hurt others for them---not physically, just like-- mildly/subtly interrogative)

You never want to make them cry, or hurt them. Because it’s the Gemini/Taurus that will show up at your house and Come For You (with a bat or maybe just themselves-- they don’t need violence to ream you a new one).

Ah- see, the thing about Gemini/Taurus is 1) they’re devoted af and 2) they always seem to have this Inner Strength attitude about them that they exude out

Most of the time it’s used to help others, like reassure others/comfort them or give them strength

Gemini/Taurus can be a good friend, because while they may be somewhat a lil distance (emotionally) at the beginning--- once they open up to you they are caring, warm-hearted and Will Do Their Best For You

Of course...they may still be a lil stiff and awkward at some points (It’s Gemini and Taurus after all)  --- but when it comes to Social Relationships/people they care for--- they’ll Do Their Best For Them

I think it’s really nice.... But let’s talk more about the Gemini/Taurus side as well

Gemini/Taurus talks about a combination of people who may be activity-oriented, Gemini - always on the move, on the go  and Taurus-- search for belonging, trying new things, doing new stuff/hobbies

It makes for a person who wants to get involved with activities, try new hobbies, different venues of their interests and build something out of themselves for it there

But as soon as they feel ‘less stimulated’ their eyes may also wander-- they may feel like searching for the ‘next step’ of where they should go

The thing that differentiate these Gemini/Taurus from other Geminis is that their Taurus may give them more perseverance. They may stick to doing something longer, a sense of ‘wait for it’/concentration (can be tunnel-vision) -- patience is waiting, and they’re waiting for something else that will ‘reward’ their patience with stimulation/excitement or a ‘new path’ to travel into again

See-- with these Gemini/Taurus people here they’re more of the ‘look at the ground’ type of people (*whether they realize this or not). 

The kind who enjoys the process of things, working in it, doing the thing they’re interested in. 

Rather than look up and let themselves see (and therefore ‘jump’) onto other opportunities these people get nervous/a little light headed when they lose control of themselves (when they see more possibilities/paths than they can choose from) -- they go ‘wait for it wait for it’ and go at their own pace, eventually something will open up for them

The hallmark of these Gemini/Taurus is how they control their nervous energy--- I mean they acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s a part of them, but they like to be in-control of it.

They like the energy to keep them moving, keep them active. But when it hinders their self-control, or give them too many paths/possibilities they can go down in--- it makes them light-headed and sometimes ‘too anxious’

They get dizzy--- they’d rather have a focused/narrow structure/vision to choose from when it’s too wide (they’ll cut down the path themselves, criticially view and edit what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ -- black or white elimination technique) 

But at the same time when it’s given to them (structure/narrow paths or vision)--- they want to jump/get away from it. 

Gets huffy confrontational ( ‘why’ ‘whats the point’) or rebellious-- Gemini/Taurus doesn’t like to be bogged down by ‘criteria’ others set up for them (expectations, social standings, etc)-- but they’re the ones who makes criterias for themselves (others too, if they need some help).

So you have this dichotomy....can’t function with too many rules, but also can’t function without some structure/guidance. If you want to figure it out-- just think like this

Big is better. The wider it is the easier it is for the Gemini/Taurus to cut down and narrow. It’s harder for them to ‘fight against the flow’ (small to big again) because that requires them to ‘break down every single wall--- even the ones they aren’t prepared to break’ 

I think the Gemini/Taurus has the Most Thing about themselves.. like, their Most Hang Up is with their own accomplishment. With not feeling satisfied with the things they do (rewarded/feeling fulfilled)

They think they gotta ‘stick’ to something, dive deeper. Don’t be too shallow or impulsive or make careless mistakes etc. etc.

These people take their own accomplishments for granted.... they may feel like they didn’t have to ‘struggle’ and therefore they didn’t have anything to ‘achieve’... They may think/be doubtful of their own talent.. They they’re talentless just bc they don’t realize they’re Good at everything...

The most frustrating thing about this placement is looking into yourself, introspection and retrospection. And seeing/accepting the value and amazingness of what you’ve done.

You will always wander and search...and may feel like nothing ever sticks mostly because you don’t take enough notice of yourself to acknowledge you did well, that you should give yourself a pat on the back for the stuff that you did. That you don’t think you’ve ‘completed’ something because you never learnt how to celebrate victories-- so you never know how to say ‘hey you did very well!’ to yourself when no one else does it for you.

Even minor details....minor things. You are positive to everyone else, except to your own internal workings/standards. So be good to yourself.

**This part is optional, some Gemini/Taurus may not have experienced with it (and may not feel like it applies to them) but some might...so I’m gonna include some more Gemini/Taurus srz face stuff: 

When you did something stupid (either 1: they’ll laugh or 2:) They’re the type of person who will definitely give you A Look when you did something stupid/hurt yourself. But won’t say anything until you mention what you did to them (they will stare u down and you will think ure an idiot)

These people are....the kind of people who’ll let you know they don’t like something/disagree with you just by their facial expressions

Did they know that their eyes kinda narrow?? Or sharpen?? Or their face stiffen cause they Do (it’s a contrast against their normal youthfulness-- although this may come from something else as well. Considering Taurus Moon may rarely let their negativity show)

They want to make it admit it to yourself, so they can get started with the...approaching you.

Have a way of not being condescending while doing so-- but rather like a therapist guide for you ‘mmhmm...and why did u think u did that?’

Awesome friends (although they can sometimes be kinda icy without realizing it....) 

That’s all! 💕💕 I hope u enjoy!! 💕💕

[fairycosmos]

+ i have a job interview tomorrow and i just cant go. its a rlly good job but i just cant. idk why. maybe its my anxiety or me sabotaging myself again. i know my mom will think im a failure. but i just want to keep studying. i want to keep trying. it just feels more important. i want to want be alive before anything else. do you think im lazy?? iknow you'll never anwser this but should i go anway? is it awful that i never had a job? i just feel like a bum. idk sorry for putting this on u.

hey. no, i dont think you’re lazy at all. quite the opposite. i admire you a lot for caring so much about your studies, for wanting to make something of yourself and for continuing to try your best even though you’re going through such a difficult time at the moment. that’s a lot easier said than done, and yet you’re still managing it, which is really fucking cool. you should be proud. and listen, i’m 18 as well, and i’ve never had a job either. it’s super, super common. it’s not like it’s easy to get a job these days, especially while you’re still studying. and just cause you’re older now doesn’t mean you’re singularly responsible for the financial situation of your family. it’s not just down to you to make money, and that’s not your sole purpose in life. also, you’re definitely accomplishing more than i am, seriously. i know the world kind of pushes the idea that you’re only worth something if you’re constantly being used, if you’re constantly providing money or results or good grades. but that’s genuinely not true. it takes years and years to come to terms with the fact that it’s not true, but it’s not. honestly, how ‘well’ you perform from a capitalistic standpoint doesn’t reflect who you are as a person. how you treat others, how you choose to experience life, your interests and your hobbies - those all say more about you than whether or not you have a job. i know you’re not going to believe me, but you being here is good enough. your presence is the most important thing.  it probably feels like i’m lying, and it will for a long time, but if you start letting that idea into your mind, you’ll begin to accept it eventually. 

your parents clearly have fucked up priorities. and i’m sorry. because you deserve so much better than that. having a bad relationship with them will always be shitty, and you’re totally allowed to feel whatever you need to feel about it. anger, sadness, bitterness, fear, guilt. process it all one day at a time. as long as you try to cope with those emotions in a healthy way (letting yourself cry, talking about it, writing about it, practicing self affirmations), then you’re doing fine. but at the same time, there comes a point where you have to realize that your family have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. they really, really dont. if they only want to acknowledge you when you’re in a top school or when you have a great fucking job, then they dont deserve you at all. they wont even give you a chance to find your balance. seriously. they wont even cut you any slack. you owe them nothing but respect and since they dont respect you, you dont even owe them that. i dont know how else to put it but i cant stress it enough, they’re awful for making you feel so bad for no reason. i know exactly how you feel. and it’s just. like there’s no point in constantly overexerting yourself for the approval of people that are NEVER going to be satisfied. how they feel about you isn’t actually about you. it’s about them, and their own fucked up mindsets. you are not alive to serve them. you are not alive to be exactly who they want you to be, you know? this is YOUR life, not theirs. and it’s the only one you’re ever going to get. so if you have to make a few choices that disappoint them, then so be it. they’ll either get over it or fuck off, and either way you’ll be better off. it’s ok to start making choices for yourself, man. and it may take some time before you work up the courage to do so, but that’s alright too. it’s all a learning process. 

it seems like your anxiety/depression is the real crux of all of this, though. it’s really worrying, what you said in your other ask. my heart dropped reading it. if you dont confront that issue then you wont like it anywhere, because you wont like being yourself. whether you get a great job, or make a shit ton of money, or continue to study. whatever path you take, you’ll only be truly comfortable if you make your mental health a priority. you have to take it seriously. it’s okay to put yourself first, before the people around you, before school and work. because struggling with a mental illness is one of the most difficult things in the world. and you dont have to beg anyone to understand that. are you currently on any medication, or seeing a therapist or some sort of counselor? if you are, is it possible for you to ask for additional support? and if you haven’t spoken to anyone, is than an option for you? even if you just begin by talking to your usual doctor, to see if he/she can refer you to someone? if you’re worried about money, there are low cost/free options, too. it’s just that, suicidal thoughts are not something you just have to ‘put up with.’ and they’re certainly not something you have to deal with alone. others have been exactly where you are, others understand more than you realize. you dont have to hurt yourself outwardly to show that you’re hurting inwardly, alright? if you believe anything i say, believe that. your life is so precious and rare and significant, man. and where you’re at right now truly isn’t where you’re always going to be. you’re not trapped, you have a choice to make. making the conscious effort to seek help, to admit that you need some guidance, will make a massive difference in your perception of everything. if you work closely with a professional, then you’ll be able to create a care plan for yourself, you’ll be able to learn how to incorporate healthy coping mechanisms into your life, you’ll be able to find the root causes of why you feel the way you do. you’ll be able to talk openly about your family, and the way they make you feel, and your worries about the future. all of that will make the pain manageable. there is treatment available. it wont be an instant improvement, but reaching out is a wonderful place to start. your mental health is just as important as your physical health. and of course, there will always be a part of your mind that tries to talk you out of it. there’ll always be that moment of anxiety/fear, when you dont know what you’re doing. but you need to try to look past that, and to have a bit of empathy for your future self. temporary feelings should never stop you from getting the care that you need. so even if you just begin by calling a hotline to see what they think you should do next, then that’s still something to be v proud of.

i know it’s hard. i get it. i understand more than i can put into words. and i know that asking for help is a massive step. i’m not saying you have to make any big decisions right now. i’m just asking you to consider it, consider yourself for once in your life. i know there are days where you feel like living like this isn’t worth it at all. you dont want to live like this anymore, right? and you dont have to, but killing yourself wont solve anything. it’s ok to feel like giving up sometimes. as long as you know the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. you dont have to lean into the pain, you can just let it wash over you. your mental illnesses and your family and all of the bullshit is stopping you from seeing how wonderful and worthy you are, how much life still has to offer you. there’s so much you haven’t experienced. there is so much happiness waiting in the future. it won’t be constant, but it’ll become a theme in your life. you have all of the time in the world to figure things out. this is the exact age that you’re supposed to be confused and lost, and to not know what to do. you don’t have to have everything worked out right now. you’re doing so much better than you think you are, i promise. the only thing you have to worry about is taking care of yourself. that’s the only thing that’s truly in your control. you can create a better environment for yourself. you can create a life that you dont want to escape from, and that’s what you truly need. not to die but to re-envision your own existence. it’s healthy to do that from time to time. 

as a sidenote, it’s completely up to you whether or not you go to the job interview. there’s no pressure, there’s no wrong answer. but i just hope you know it’s okay to take things at your own pace, regardless of what your dumb ass family has to say. i think the smartest move for you to make is to put all of your energy into reaching out for help. continue to study, just put it on the back burner for now. continue to look for a job (tho i think smth part time is realistically a better option for you), but dont put all of your self worth into it. more than anything, this is a transitional period in your life. it’s the stepping stone between here and there. uncertainty is to be expected, anxiety is to be expected, but that doesn’t mean you have to handle it all on your own. i believe with all of my heart that you’re going to be okay. you said ‘i want to be alive before anything else.’ you should always hold onto that. you’re so fucking capable, and you’re so much stronger than you realize, dude. i’m not bullshitting. i’m being straight up. keep taking it one day at a time. if that feels like too much, one hour at a time. even getting through one minute at a time is something to celebrate. look at the next 24 hours of your life, and see what you can do in that time to help yourself - fuck everything else. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about this properly. i’m sorry i couldn’t be of more help. if you ever need anyone, hmu. if you think you’re going to do something, hmu. and please stick around. you’re not going to regret it.

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

[lilyissms]

1) to all the new members, it’s a’ me! a’ may’rio! i’ve been stanned a lot. i’m a #goodmin. 2) to members new and old, i’m gonna pull a mona and make an intro 2.0 bc i feel like,, a lot of things were left super vague in my og intro and also a few things have changed per my decision since then so ?? INTRO PART TWO, LEGGO !!

「 MARGOT ROBBIE, FEMALE, THIRTY, BRITNEY SPEARS. 」┈ did you read that latest viral gossip issue on LILY CAINE?  she is one of my favorite POP artists. they’ve been releasing music for SIXTEEN YEARS now, but viral gossip has only been talking about them for the last HOWEVER LONG IT’S BEEN AROUND PROBABLY. get this, i think i heard SHE’S BEEN UNDER A CONSERVATORSHIP FOR NEARLY A DECADE. they’re known as the PHOENIX of the music industry, since they have a rep for being RESOLUTE but INHIBITED, but who knows. maybe that will change once they become #1. ( MAY, 18, EST, SHE/HER. )

TRIGGERS: arguable emotional abuse, m a n i p u l a t i o n , death, suicide, unspecified mental illness.

1988 - 2002

lily was born in wisner, la with a population of 926 as of the last census. very small town. 

the expy has already jumped out.

she had a super nuclear family. mom and dad, older brother, younger sister. 

no middle child syndrome, i just... wanted to put her in the middle.

it wasn’t a harsh upbringing, per se, but it was a questionable one. they weren’t super well-off – her dad ‘ran’ a restaurant with little to no traction that was shut down in 1994, her mom was a job-skipper who was a waitress one day and a nanny the next. her brother started working at a gas station as soon as he was old enough. tried so hard, didn’t get too far.

did they really try that hard tho? i mean homeboy dad knew his restaurant was shit, homegirl mom knew she needed to actually work to hold down a job. only person who actually worked in the family was her brother tbh.

homeboy dad also had a problem with those alcoholic beverages and homegirl mom didn’t do much to help. 

so not a TERRIBLE, UNBEARABLE, TAKE THEM AWAY FROM THE HOUSE living situation, but a MAYBE GO MAKE SURE THESE KIDS ARE ALIVE situation

and that’s why lily and her younger sister were both used as meal tickets by her parents. they focused on them way more than they did their jobs, but not in that nice and pampering way?? more in the dance mom -esque way. like, they were CONVINCED one of the two was gonna rise to fame™ and all of their problems would be fixed. they put them in classes and competitions and basically used all of the money they should’ve been using for food and bills to see if one of these two kids could make them millionaires. 

sorry brother.

delusional? YES. but did it work? EVENTUALLY.

during one of said competitions, lily was kind of scouted out. she was 15 when she was signed to jive (wow, the expy is just thumpin!) and put out her first single, the anthem we all know, ‘...baby one more time’

2002 - 2010

so homegirl was OBVIOUSLY not used to a city life in la with this HUGE population after growing up... with like 1,000 people in her town (rough rounding of the 2000 census). was she in awe? definitely! was it also super weird and lowkey stressful? totally!

of course, she still visited home – went back to la from la (asdfghjkl) about every two months and spent around two weeks there – but she had stuff to do! people to see!

the label was like “hey ok so we’re gonna train u out of ur normal register and into what we think will make u a hit!!!!!!” and she was like “ok!!!! :D”

released the album ‘...baby one more time’ when she was 15. released ‘oops!... i did it again’ when she was 16. released ‘lily’ when she was 17. released ‘in the zone’ when she was 19.

-banjo noise- THIS IS FOR ALL THEM SOUTHERN BOYS OUT THERE

am i going to steal various accomplishments from her vc? obviously. i’ve already shown that she’s 110% an expy so WHY WOULDN’T I?

collaborated with madonna on ‘me against the music’. did she fuckin star in ‘crossroads’, as written by shona rhimes, when she was 18? obviously. 110% did the snake vma thing when she was 18. 110% did the madonna vma thing when she was 19. got a star on the walk of fame when she was 19. performed live with michael jackson when she was 20. won a grammy for ‘toxic’ when she was 20. ‘blackout’ would later be inducted into the rock ‘n’ roll hall of fame, but we’re not there yet. that’s just one of my favs.

she was totally america’s sweetheart. nice southern girl from a small town. nice manners. fun interviews. cute!!

but that ain’t how hollywood works, is it? catch whiff of a scandal and, yes!, tabloids!

the biggest one before her image completely shattered was when she got married to an old friend in vegas, also at the age of 20. 20 was an interesting age for her. 

god, i’m original.

believe it or not, it wasn’t drunken! they were just caught up in everything, then they were like “oh!! that was probably a bad idea!!” a few days later!! especially when her team was like “bitch what the fuck.”

two weeks later, the marriage was annulled. the tabloids were still super excited, and her team was still like “bitch what the fuck.”, so that being said:

people were shutting her doWN.

“bad ifnFLUneCE!!!” “sECX!!??”!” “eXPOasURE!!!” - every parent.

and that was the catalyst!!

so, as we all know by now, i’m really original? like, lily is 110% original with no outside influences whatsoever?

that being said, during a leg of her tour, she met this one guy who worked as a celebrity personal trainer and was immediately enamored with him. very smooth-talking, super good-looking, seemed intelligent, super good-looking, was pretty normal, super good-looking

so she immediately took to him. after only dating people who were essentially the exact opposite of him – very clean, very ‘generous’, etc. – she wanted a change. he provided the change she thought she needed. 

so lowkey everyone else totally saw through him. he was very much a druggie, very much a.... womanizer, very much just a douchebag in general? he was very much unfit to actually be in a committed relationship, but lily was totally blinded by how normal and, therefore, different he was. 

no matter how long she’d known the person, and no matter how close they were, the second someone was like ‘lily. he sucks.’ she was like ‘we aren’t friends anymore bye.’

what she wanted most out of him was to be domestic, and he was like “ya sure ok.” so only five months after they started dating, they got married. 

some of the people she’d shut out had found a perfect opportunity to make her into their own personal cash cow. her mom sold what was meant to be personal information, just between her and her family. her first boyfriend (back before she was #famous) sold a lot of the stuff she left behind or sent him on ebay (i could probably pretend i was being original here, but i’ve gotta embrace the expy, so here’s reg’s expy!!), etc., etc., etc.

i’m telling y’all, it just wasn’t her year!! i mean, she’s actually 21 by now i think, but it still just wasn’t her year!! her dad decided “you know what i’m gonna do... have a heart attack and die.” of course, they were never super close, so it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but like... WOW. must’ve ignored one of those ‘send this to 10 other people in the next 30 minutes or bad luck for the next two years!’ chain e-mails.

so she compensated for that by having a child, as one does. the same year, ‘blackout’ was put out (because i, of course, am original) and, although it’d later be very much acclaimed, they completely slept on promoting it. of the albums that’d been put out thus far, it’d been her least purchased, despite being arguably the best quality (listen, i’m not talking opinion, i’m talking FACTS. in the zone, blackout, and glory are the most acclaimed in production and content. FACTS.)?? and definitely being the one she was the most involved in.

essentially the only form of promotion they rly did was dropping an album of outtakes, then taking it down the very next day.

we stan all the songs on it. especially the last two.

but!! it was all g!! they named the kid after her dad!! and it was all good!!

up until it was brought to her attention that her husband (whose name was originally jett, but i feel like that needs to be changed now that there’s a jett in the roleplay?? input would be great. gotta be a name that a kid would think sounds cool, but would sound really strange on a grown man.) had had multiple hookups during their months of dating and their marriage. also lowkey admitted he, too, was using lily as a cashcow.

so the bitch was completely torn. he was the first ‘normal’ person who’d entered her life, and essentially the only person left, but everyone else... had been right?

cue ‘why should i be sad’ being added to the album!

ultimately, she filed for divorce.

after inspection, the initial custody ruling was that it’d be joint. there would be one week with brock (the new name has been decided), one week with lily. but, brock wasn’t the one always in the limelight. after the legalities had been, for the most part, settled, he was pretty much a normal guy again. very rare to see him in tabloids. his name was everywhere when lily was in an article, though! because everything was his fault, of course!

due to numerous articles that were very suspicious, reports of erratic behavior around paparazzi and reporters, etc., etc., plus just the general rules of it all, lily got some more visitation from the services who were really keeping a keen eye on her. 

there came times that coincidences made it look like the ‘house’ (see: mansion) was an unsafe place for a child. too often, the nanny wasn’t around and it was her word against her new manager’s.

although she was, in no way, romantically or sexually involved with her new manager, he was under the assumption that everything would be far easier if the kid wasn’t around. plenty of sabotage, y’know? (can we guess who he’s an expy of?) the fact that she was involved with a tmz reporter (expy of who?) didn’t help, either.

eventually, they were like “aight binch we’ve had enough” and decided it was in everyone’s best interest that the kid go live with brock, full time.

ok, so now she had: her new manager whom she and the nanny were wary of, that tmz reporter who, if she was being realistic, would probably milk her for all she was worth if they broke up, and the nanny... but not even really her, what considering she didn’t need her anymore.

so, one day, she was like, “bye bye, birdie!”

birdie being her.

but birdie didn’t go bye bye, what a relief. the one good thing her new manager ever did – redemption.

but, i’m original, she was placed under a 5150 hold. 

after one other incident, this time not exactly ‘bye bye, birdie-ing’, but close enough, everyone was like “ok wtf bitch.”

i feel like it should be known that the fact that it wasn’t just about a Boy or even her kid was ignored. there were many forms of therapy involved, some controversial. like,, we ain’t playin around,, we ain’t blamin boys,, it ain’t 1940.

in may of 2011, she was placed under a conservatorship.

so, if you’ve stuck with me this far, you’ve probably totally forgotten about her siblings. you know what happened to her dad, you know what happened to her mom, but what about her siblings?

one of them, her sister, almost signed to a label... until she was like “o shit.”

her brother was still a normal guy who wound up being the conservator of both the person and the estate. a good ol’ boy.

they’re dumb. in september of 2010, ‘womanizer’ came out as a single; october, ‘circus’; november, ‘if u seek amy’; december, the full ‘circus’ album. great comeback album, but........ super quick back into the spotlight.

i feel like that makes it seem like i’m going to start describing more events that took place after. nothing super dramatic did. there were a lot of questions, though. there was one (1) documentary in which no question was off limits (huh, wonder what that’s an expy of?), but, after that, B L A C K L I S T.

also, i feel as though i should specify: it’s pretty hard to?? not know when a huge celebrity has been placed under a conservatorship?? like y’all we know amanda bynes was and she wasn’t even a b-lister anymore. so!! that being in the ‘rumor’ section is more because it: 1) covers all the controversial parts without being specific bc we don’t want... anyone perusing the main to be like “wow chill”, 2) would probs have been forgotten by many by now?? so it’d be like a “o ya i forgot she was under a conservatorship!!” type thing.

2011 - PRESENT

after all of the Events, it was both in her best interest and in her worst interest to stay out of the spotlight. best interest so everyone would see she’s normal again!; worst interest because... the media was one of the dominoes in the effect??

so, up until 2013, when the next album was released, things were pretty quiet. during promotion in 2013, there’d been arguably enough time to collect everything and go back out and act n o r m a l .

as i said, i wanted to include the fact that ‘blackout’ was inducted into the rock ‘n’ roll hall of fame for its effect on the mainstream (essentially made dark pop mainstream and acceptable). it’s what it DESERVES.

in 2012, after proving herself to not be Bad, she was granted visitation rights. i haven’t mentioned it much because it... wasn’t in my original intro so it... felt weird... but!! she 110% utilizes those. 

i’m looking to move some things involving this, her ex-husband, etc., etc., etc. forward eventually, but i feel like i need to get some plots in here that’d help that move forward first, ja feel?? because if i just start writing self-paras out of nowhere about this topic then..... i feel like..... that would make no sense.

by the way, i want everyone to know that she never put out the equivalent of ‘britney jean’. we do not fuck with that album. she put out two songs from it, but we’re saying they were released as singles. WE DON’T FUCK WITH THAT ALBUM.

it has its cute bops but the production isn’t the best, anything where she’s with will.i.am never ends up the best, and... it’s not... all her.

i’m looking for this one tweet that says “britney when her team tells her she has to do more than one take for britney jean” then has the video where the woman says “well let’s just try this again, you bunch of bastards!”

everything else has been effectively released, though. still debating ooh la la. tbh it’s a bop but...............

anyway, is still under the conservatorship of her brother. DEFINITELY has a new manager who was... actually her old manager, same with her team – new team that was... actually her old team.

PERSONALITY

has grown a bit more like she Was by now. she’s still def like,, not 110% there anymore,, nor will she ever be?? still much more reserved and uncomfortable in public than she used to be?? 

not super bright. not super dull, either. for the most part, she’s very much about the surface. although she often understands the ‘deeper meaning’ of some things, she ain’t gonna act like it’s some profound thing when, really: “the concept for the music video ‘circus’ is basically about, y’know, a circus.”

she’s nice, she’s nice. most of my replies involve her being nice. girlfriend down to bite if she gotta, though, but will she do it first?? she ain’t about that.

asdfghjkl i still dk how common playback use is for her yet. if i’m gonna make her an expy and full-on admit it, she’s gotta have some involved, but......... idk how much........ it would. depend on the performance for sure.

do you beliiiieeeeveeeee in liiiiiifeeee afterrrr looovvvveeee???? she still dks for sure. some of her connections have to do with that (speaking of, i need to update them), and t hose connectio ns are, for the most part, reserved for characters 28+

tbh exceptions could be made for female/nb characters?? idk why but i could?? see that more than for males??

speaking of, she’s bisexual. she’s not super outspoken like “I’M BI!!!!!” about her sexuality, but like?? it’s there?? it exists. ain’t a secret.

tbh she’s been around for a while so i’m trying to think of other things i’ve noticed about her over time but i?? am drawing a blank. n e way, that’s what i got!!

“however long it’s been around probably” aka “we don’t know how long viral gossip’s been around so if it’s been around for fifteen whole years then that’s how long if it’s been around for seven then that’s how long” etc, etc, etc

listen y’all i joined the first day so we were super unclear ok.

tl;dr: almost a carbon copy.

i’m gonna treat this like a normal intro post so:

like this or hmu if u want 2 plot !! 

i have a wc page here which’ll probs be updated with more ideas later tonight, but i’m up 2 brainstorm or wha te ver.

also, to old members: if we’ve already plotted: like this for moral support pls.

[im-no-jedi]

here’s the second post of questions for my Voltron OCs! these are about my sweet boy, Tyzh:

1. What do they smell like? - he smells very clean like all the time, he’s the cleanest smelling Galra you’ll ever meet LOL

2. What is their voice like? - John Boyega

3. What is their biggest motivator? - fear tbh, he does everything out of fear

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? - too many to name LOL

5. How do they deal with/react to pain? - crying, sobbing, that sort of thing

6. What do they like to wear? - he wears his armor all the time, it’s the only clothes he has

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively? - Thace, because he was the first person to ever be nice to Ty, and Fae because she gave him a second chance and gave him a new home away from the Galra army

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten? - all Altean food is weird LOL

9. Describe the way that they sleep. - he struggles getting to sleep sometimes, and he will wake up at the drop of a hat. thunderstorms are the worst, he’ll stay awake through the whole storm, poor baby

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food? - he likes veggies and other foods like that, he’s not much of a meat eater

11. What do they feel most insecure about? - everything LOL

12. How do they like to dress? - after moving into the castle, he mostly wears his suit minus the armor, so it’s just a skin-tight bodysuit most of the time LOL

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt? - he’ll get very upset, probably start crying

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? - again, he’ll get upset and start crying

15. What is their greatest achievement? - despite how much he hates it, he’s actually a really good shot, like he hardly ever misses LOL

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep? - he’s used to not getting a lot of sleep, so nothing too different

17. What are they like when they’re drunk? - very VERY hyper. he’d probably literally start bouncing off the walls LOL

18. What kind of music do they enjoy? - anything calm and relaxing, he’d probably listen to a lot of classical music on earth

19. Are they right or left handed? - right

20. Fears? - everything

21. Favorite kind of weather? - a nice, sunny day, maybe a gentle breeze, anything that’s relaxing

22. Favorite color? - he loves the color pink, idek why, he just thinks it’s a really pretty color. he would absolutely wear pink clothes on earth LOL

23. Do they collect anything? - no, but he’d probably start collecting books to read if given the chance

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more? - neither, they both make him uncomfortable LOL

25. What is their eye color? - yellow

26. What is their race/ethnicity? - Galra

27. Hair color? - he’s purple all over, but has a white strip of hair that goes from his forehead all the way down to the bottom of his neck; he keeps it pulled into a tiny ponytail at the bottom of his neck all the time

28. Are they happy where they are currently? - oh yes, very happy, for the first time in his life *cries softly*

29. Are they a morning person? - he’s been conditioned to be so, but he sleeps in whenever he can

30. Sunrise or sunset? - sunset

31. Are they more messy or more organized? - organized, he doesn’t like clutter

32. Pet peeves? - when other people are making noise while he’s trying to get some peace and quiet

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance? - no, he doesn’t have anything except his armor and his gun

34. Least favorite food? - the frickin food goo LOL

35. Least favorite color? - black and purple... (this has no affect on his feelings about Shiro tho)

36. Least favorite smell? - whatever the food goo smells like :P

37. When was the last time they cried? - he cries like all the time idk

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried? - again idk, maybe? Fae tries to comfort him when he cries about stuff

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured? - he’s gotten slapped in the face for disobeying orders before...

40. Do they have any scars? - probably just a few small ones?

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues? - maaaaaajor PTSD from all the crap he had to go through in the Galra army. especially in regards to all the people he’s had to kill...

42. Do they have any bad habits? - he tends to freak out over the smallest things, everything’s a big deal to him apparently LOL

43. Why might someone dislike them? - he could definitely come across as pathetic and weak to someone else

44. Why might someone love them? - he’s an absolute sweetheart and so gentle and kind, and you better believe he’d fight to protect his friends

45. Do they believe in ghosts? - unfortunately LOL

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives? - Fae and the paladins, Allura and Coran, and the Blade of Marmora

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone? - sort of? he has strong feelings for Fae, romantic or not

48. Are they dating/married to anyone? - if Fae didn’t get with Keith, she would probably end up with Ty instead

49. Do they like surprises? - N O

50. When is their birthday? - sometime in the fall, no exact date yet

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday? - he’s never had his birthday celebrated before :c

52. Do they have any family? - nope, he doesn’t remember his real family at all. Fae and the paladins are the closest thing he has to family now

53. Are they close to their family? - he’s only really close to Fae

54. What is their MBTI type? - he came out as ISFJ! just like me! :D

55. What is their zodiac sign? - *shrugs*

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in? - probably Hufflepuff

57. What D&D alignment are they? - Lawful Neutral, definitely

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about? - his life is a friggin nightmare ROFL

59. What are their views on death? - terrible, awful, he hates it so much

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at? - he doesn’t really laugh too much; Fae tries to get him to laugh sometimes, and she’s the only one who can do it, no one else knows how to make him laugh

61. When bored, how do they pass time? - he’d probably listen to music and/or start humming or singing, he gets music stuck in his head all the time

62. Do they enjoy being outside? - nooooo too many scary things

63. Do they have an accent? - British, like John Boyega’s real voice

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction? - he has no idea wtf that thing is, it looks like feces, GET IT AWAY

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say? - he would just cry a lot and cling to whoever was closest to him

66. How do they feel about sex? - ok I guess? he’s never really had time to think about it, plus he doesn’t think anyone would ever wanna do it with him...

67. What is their sexuality? - hetero. but he miiiight be bi-romantic, I’m not sure...

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood? - heck yeah, he gags at the sight of it

69. Is there anything that they find really gross? - too many things to name LOL

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them? - COWARDLY LION

71. Do they enjoy helping people? - yes, as long as nothing bad happens

72. Are they allergic to anything? - I don’t think so

73. Do they have a pet? - nope

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper? - he like, never gets angry, only kinda frustrated sometimes

75. How patient are they? - usually pretty patient, unless there’s something scary or threatening around, then GET HIM TF OUTTA THERE

76. Are they good at cooking? - probably not, he has no idea how to cook LOL

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often? - nope, he doesn’t wanna pick fights

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy? - he giggles when he’s really happy, it’s adorable X3

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears? - he tries to be encouraging and tell them at least they’re not scared of everything like he is LOL

80. Are they trustworthy? - yes, despite what you might think. if you need him, he’ll come through for you, absolutely

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it? - no he’s VERY open about his emotions and feelings

82. Do they exercise regularly? - he used to when he was in the army, but not so much on the castle, he’d rather chill all the time LOL

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look? - he’s never really thought about the way he looks before? so yeah I guess??

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people? - physical strength and just being able to protect him if he needed it haha

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive? - supportive, friendly, and sympathetic

86. Do they like sweet foods? - yes, but he rarely gets to eat them until he moves into the castle

87. What is their age? - 21 human years

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between? - very tall, he’s one of the taller Galras actually

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts? -  nope, but he would look SO cute in glasses OMG *3*

90. Do they consider themselves attractive? - *shrugs*

91. What is their sense of humor like? - he only finds specific people funny AKA just Fae LOL

92. What mood are they most often in? - P A N I C

93. What kinds of things anger them? - when someone he cares about gets hurt

94. Outlook on life? - everything is out to get me nowhere’s safe I’m probably gonna die tomorrow slkdjfguifdksjd

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed? - when he feels like he’s let someone down... including himself...

96. What is their greatest weakness? - thinking he’s not as brave as he actually is and just not having confidence in himself at all

97. What is their greatest strength? - the fact that he IS really brave when he wants to be and that he’s super reliable in a pinch

98. Something that they regret? - being a part of the Galra army at all

99. Biggest accomplishment? - putting his skills to good use with the paladins instead of the Galra army

[manskligtavskrade]

@zlograff tagged me to do this, thanks dude!  rules: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.  

1.     coke or pepsi: pespi 2.     disney or dreamworks: actually neither   3.     coffee or tea: COFFEE 4.     books or movies: movies cause my attention span is rather fucked up 5.     windows or mac: windows 6.     dc or marvel: dc 7.     x-box or playstation: playstation 8.     dragon age or mass effect: ok but both 9.     night owl or early riser: night owl af 10.   cards or chess: cards 11.   chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 12.   vans or converse: converse cause I own a pair of converse… 13.   Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: Trevelyan kek 14.   fluff or angst: angst 15.   beach or forest: both 16.   dogs or cats: both but mostly cats 17.   clear skies or rain: clear skies 18.   cooking or eating out: eating out cause im a lazy cunt 19.   spicy food or mild food: mild 20.   halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Halloween if we actually celebrated halloween 21.   would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too hot 22.   if you could have a superpower, what would it be: a will to live          (stealing because same) 23.   animation or live action: whatever 24.   paragon or renegade: suicide also renegade 25.   baths or showers: showers  26.   team cap or team ironman: team ironman 27.   fantasy or sci-fi: ughh im a sucker for both  28.   do you have three or four favorite quotes, if so what are they: “What? I’m the asshole. Just because I say what’s on everybody’s mind?”

– Hank Moody (Californication) "I'm disgusted with my life and myself, but I'm not unhappy about that." – Hank Moody (Californication)

“When I brush my teeth, I get a 10-star brush. And when I take a crap, I get a 10-star crap” – Satchel (Steel Panther) “What I really resent most about people sticking labels on you is that it cuts off all the other elements of what you are because it can only deal with black and white; the cartoon.” – Siouxsie Sioux

“Every great idea starts out as blasphemy.’ If there is resistance, it means that the direction is right.”

  – Adam Nergal Darski

“Apparently people don't like the truth, but I do like it; I like it because it upsets a lot of people. If you show them enough times that their arguments are bullshit, then maybe just once, one of them will say, 'Oh! Wait a minute - I was wrong.' I live for that happening. Rare, I assure you” 

– Lemmy Kilmister

“I don't do regrets. Regrets are pointless. It's too late for regrets. You've already done it, haven't you? You've lived your life. No point wishing you could change it.” 

– Lemmy Kilmister

Bonus:

“Ya know what happens to people who don't smoke or drink and exercise regularly? They die anyway, so crack a cold one, light one up and crank some Pantera! Getcha Pull!" 

– Dimebag Darrell

(I couldn’t pick 4 ok)

29.   harry potter or percy jackson: couldnt care less 30.   when you feel accomplished: When I actually go out and have fun 31.   star wars or star trek: Star Wars tbh 32.   paperback books or hardback books: idgaf, a book is a book, and if I can force myself to read something that is not a pdf file on occultism or politics, that’s a huge step. 33.   horror or rom-com: horror 34.   tv shows or movies: been watching mostly tv shows in the past couple of months 35.   favorite animal: KITTENS 36.   favorite genre of music: old school death metal, black metal, stoner doom, honestly metal in general but mostly these three   37.   least favorite book: ANY BOOK BY PAULO COELHO 38.   favourite season: summer 39.   sparkly or shiny: sparkly 40.   favorite character in a tv series: HANK MOODY 41.   do you have/want any tattoos and if you do, what are they: no, but I want the Type O Negative logo somewhere on my left arm. A must is a tattoo of my mom and the artwork for Alcest’s Kodama ‘cause I honestly adore it 42.   youtube or netflix: YouTube, even tho I adore Netflix 43.   If you could go to school for completely free what would you study?: Political Science if it was actually worth it. 44.   what’s your aesthetic?: band tees, cigarettes, black stockings and a bottle of Jack 45.   if you could meet any person rn, dead or alive, who would they be?: Lemmy, Dimebag, Peter Steele, Lexxi Foxx tbh and Fenriz 46.   what would you point to as your greatest triumph?: not giving a fuck about what people think 47.   If you have any plants, do you name them? Moving the fuck out of here cause I don’t wanna waste my life doing unimportant junk that will never make me happy 48.   what languages do you speak and if you’re learning some, which ones? Macedonian, English, learning Swedish and thinking about learning Dutch cause ayy lmao 49.   My question: have you met some of your internet friends irl, and if so, how did you spend your time with them? I tag @ihtiriekko @morgansthoth @slawischermarsch @the-awesomeness-of-randomness @blackholehalo @bellwrot and literally anyone who wants  

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

Rites of Passage

For the past 58 days you have been battling it out with other All-Stars to earn the title of Sole Survivor. It has not always been easy and it has not always been fun but the four of you made it here and 21 other players did not. No matter what method you used to get here, getting here is an accomplishment and we commend you all on that.

But right now is not about you, right now is about the 21 people who started this journey with you but had it cut short. Let us take this time to reflect on the players who did not make it to this point.

Wes: I hope everything is alright with you man.  You were fun to host in the past so I was hoping to play with you but the stars didn't align I guess. :/

Jimmy: Being my first fellow Aussie that I got to play with, already a ripper of a bloke in my books. It was good to be able to chuck out some banter about Melbourne and bogans to each other because we don’t normally get the chance to do that around these parts. It's mega shame you had some things going on in real life because it would have been awesome to have you round for a wee bit longer!

Jack: From the moment we talked I thought we were going to be best friends. Shame that you sort of “disappeared” because I had heard many good things about you and your game style!

MJ: I hope you had fun at summer camp!

Well. So, ah...huh. Apparently, these all stars? Not as, ah...not as greedy as I thought. So, uh, yeah.  That's, well.

Wes: Your gamble with taking the idol clue showed that you were here to go balls to the wall from the get go and I can respect that. 

Jimmy: Really enjoyed chatting to you early on even though it was brief. You were a real chill dude and I found it super easy to carry on a conversation with you. It was a bummer you made an early that cost you your game, but I was pulling for you to scrape through at the time. Fun fact, I've picked up a trivia hosting gig myself and will be hitting you up for some pro tips 

Jack: We only had one conversation but you were really nice!

MJ: He was a fighter.

Tumblr survivor doesn't work for me guess I'm only a one hit wonder

Wes: I was sad when you got voted out, considering you were the winner of the first season I ever hosted. I wish you had been able to make it further and have some more fun this season.

Jimmy: My lovely friend Emma! I told you this but one of the most exciting things about the reveal was watching your video and hearing that adorable accent of yours. I’m glad we were able to come in as Easter mates, but it's a darn bugger you got double-whacked early on, would have loved to have you round more. It's was awesome to catch up and it definitely makes me want to hit yourself and the whole Easter squad up a bit more so thanks for that!

Jack: You leaving the game was an unfortunate result of Andaman just outright sucking at tiebreakers and it honestly sucks that it had to happen. 

MJ: Ugh. You were supposed to be the only two time u'annimous winner. :(

I think y'all are the best tumblr hosts and this was a great game... I was going through personal things in life and I was very overwhelmed with everything. No disrespect to the game at all. I'm still never been voted out :)

Wes: I don’t really have anything nice to say about you.  

Jimmy: We played together in my very first game and we didn't get along particularly well over there. That clearly translated over to here because you were the only one not to hit me up this game. Congrats on keeping your 'not voted out' record I guess, although I don’t particularly think quitting is truly victorious way of keeping it.

Jack: I mean if you didn’t quit maybe you would have made it far, I don’t know. 

MJ: I'm glad we got to talk before you quit... It would've really been nice to actually work with you though!

Well it was an absolute honor to get chosen to play in allstars, I wish I lasted longer but there are some TRIFLING BITCHES IN THE WORLD!! It's okay though, I made sure to curse all of them now there's just one left x Good luck everyone <3 also jack can I get ur abi maria url?

Wes: You’re one of the few people in this season that I don’t really know.  I hope, if you want to, you get another shot at returning so you can make it further.

Jimmy: Somewhat of an enigma to me in this game. We chatted a fair bit at the start which I really liked, but once the game moved along you disappeared and I wouldn't hear from you for ages. My favourite memory of you will be in one of the many many tie-breakers we needed you to come on and confirm our choice and you just weren't on. The whole tribe was messaging the tribe chat "JC!", "JCCCCCCC" which reminded me of the absolutely hilarious moment in Gabon when GC went missing on the boat. Other than that, I can’t say we shared to many moments.

Jack: I am glad you brought back the story of me picking you in the Uncharted draft because your avatar was Abi-Maria and I like Abi-Maria. We didn’t talk much after but I appreciate that one moment!

MJ: You deserved better... Wish we didn't have to boot you when we did.

I don't really have anything to say except that I'm playing my ashy idol

Wes: I’ll never know if you actually wanted to work with me or not, but the things you would tell me compared to what I heard from you via other people proved that I couldn’t trust you very much.

Jimmy: mad respect for you Jessy! You were an absolute legend, reading back over our convos was a blast relieving some the most food-related chats going around. You were also a bloody fighter as well and sure didn't make life easy when you were chucked in a shit stick position. Many people were sad to see you go, and while I understood those feelings I'm glad it was a short time I had to deal with your valiant shenanigans! 

Jack: I’m sad Triple J 2.0 couldn’t have a solid reunion but I remember why I still love talking to Jessy! You’ve been a solid player/person since the BBTC days (throwback right?) and I’m sorry the cards didn’t play out in a way where I could continue to work with you! 

MJ: Ugh......... I love you so much... I literally had so much fun with you the round you left. I wish everything would've worked out, but I'm glad you at least had fun playing that last day.

I had to think if it was really worth it, but after that I remembered, this is AllStars. I might be a trainwreck, and i might be a bit of a clueless mess, but so was I in UI and Sicily, and i almost won one of those and sicily, even tho there were much better people, i think i did pretty great. There's always a chance to turn shit around, and i just hope i can actually do it. Wish me luck at the challenge, because i refuse to go down without a fight

Wes: You weren’t afraid to take a stand against your opponents and I majorly respect that.

Jimmy: Yeah we never particularly clicked either. It took a while to get chatting and even then, you weren't around too much. Was cool to meet someone from Venezuela but other than that I don't think we had too much going.

Jack: Thank you for being a very honest person to me. I appreciated every conversation that we shared throughout this game!

MJ: He was a fighter.

I had a lot of fun in this game and while I wish I could have gone further I did really enjoy my time here! Congrats to the final 4 and thank you to the hosts for casting me and putting together a great game

Wes: Samantha McCanada told me you were awesome, but I never got to really meet you in game!

Jimmy: just from talking to you a bunch this game I learned you're definitely someone with a real big heart, particularly for animals. One thing that really stood out for me while chatting away with you is that even though we rarely shared an interest we were still able to go on and on about any old thing. You're a really sweet person and I'm glad I was one of the ones you talked to the most ☺

Jack: My KPOP Buddy!! I’m glad I had someone to talk about KPOP with, even if it wasn’t something we did all the time. Thank you for telling me that some boy groups/songs are okay and trust me I have realized (Spring Day? Shook!)

MJ: She was a fighter.

I'm proud of how I played in all stars, hell I'm still surprised I got cast. Good luck to the meninist final 4!

Wes: I only know you by reputation, but I suspect you would have been a serious threat down the line.

Jimmy: my good mate Gage! I hope you received your thumb in good nick lol. Definitely one of best lads going around this game - loved chucking around banter, always a good time and not backing away from taking chat down a weird road! Your exit was a shit time, amplified by me very deep into Australia Day celebrations, and my last drunken proclamations summed it up pretty well lol! Would have absolutely loved if you were able to stick around longer but I’m keen to kick back and have a chat soon ☺

Jack: You were very easy to talk to and I enjoyed having your company!

MJ: He was a fighter.

The so-called HOSTING STAFF has been slandering me for YEARS. Their twists and tribe swaps were planted to make me look bad! Sad! You know, I’ve talked to fans, and I have many fans, and they’ve all said I’m the bigliest All-Star to ever play. Blame the CROOKED media and their alternative facts for my poor placement!

Wes: Speaking of reputation.  I’ve never seen a group of people so fiercely want someone voted out before.  You’re the epitome of a wild card in this game and I feel like a lot of people felt seriously threatened by that.

Jimmy: Mr Summers, the biggest tragedy of this game is that we couldn't get ourselves together and get a twinsie pick of our Superman onesies *cue tear*. It was real cool to finally be in a game with my pal Matt even though our game time was fairly limited to a couple of tribals. Keep hitting us up on Snapchat and chucking banter at me for being straight.

Jack: I’m really mad we were never on a tribe together because I never got to experience what it is like to play with MATT FUCKING SUMMERS. I hope you’re having a good time at college and we gotta update each other on our boy endeavors!

MJ: Our games never really aligned and probably never would have. Sucks that such a massive force like yourself had to go sort-of early, but it was definitely best for my game.

This was something else, huh. At the end of the day I'm glad I got to be a part of it, even if it wasn't for as long as I'd liked. I hope everyone remembers that it's just a game! Thanks for a kind of fun time.

Wes: You have a massive reputation and you always seem to do extremely well in the games you play.  You would have been a massive threat if you were allowed to make it into the late game.

Jimmy: I'd like to say that you definitely were a real intimidating player. You seemed to be popping up in conversations about organising votes and were a real top notch guy with a bunch of connections. Going against you is the first real move I've made in any game I've played, and even then, it took a couple of go's to get the final blow. So you've got a lot of my respect for being a bit of a beast and props for being just a real good dude (despite the fact you got 0 of my sport references, but at least you gave it a go) 

Jack: We talked a total of two times in this game so I apologize for a lack of effort on my part. I hope you’re doing well! 

MJ:

I can't believe I got booted without making a confessional, what a tragedy. C'est la vie, I guess. Anyways, everyone left is gay now because they're on the rainbow tribe. I don't make the rules.

Wes: You are honestly one of the best people ever and I can see why people would have wanted you out from a game perspective but it didn’t make it any less sad seeing you get voted out. :(

Jimmy: Easily the best attitude towards playing this game and our stalemate call at the tie was probably one of the funniest moments I've had this game. You were a joy meeting and I feel I've learned from you this game just about being a more cheery and considerate dude. A big ole beacon of fun times you were! It’s bummer you got done because I would have really enjoyed getting the chance to have a go at merge with you there.

Jack: Probably one of my biggest pre merge regrets is not talking to you more. Thank you for telling me to go to bed for a couple of nights in the game! I never listened, but it's the thought that counts. 

MJ: I would have really loved to work with you long-term, but my hand was forced the round you went. I'm glad we at least got to be on the same page for a couple of tribals though! The Logi-Wan Kenobi gif might be one of the best products of this season as well.

Survivor All Stars was full of fun surprises! My goal was to not be the first boot and making jury was the icing of the cake! I'm proud of the game I played and I've loved every moment this season. Good luck to the ones that made it to the end!

Wes: The first victim of this game’s stupid Fiji-ish twist.  I didn’t see a situation where we were going to reconcile after you took out one of my lives in the premerge, and we never really talked about it afterwards.  It was kind of the elephant in the room and we ended up voting for each other again here. You had the willpower to earn yourself four lives in this game and I guarantee if you had made the end you would have had an amazing story to tell.

Jimmy: - If Logan easily has the best attitude, then Ruthie easily is the kindest soul. At first I didn't really know what you were about - we didn't talk too much, I just thought you were an extremely nice lady that was up super early and up for a chat. It wasn't until I got the sweetest out-of-the-blue message about ignoring people if they were salty about nabbing the advantage because at least I was honest with it. At 4am that was exactly what I needed to hear and from that moment on I was a mega Ruthie fan! I couldn't have been more stoked when you won your way back into both games like a boss and awesomely grabbed a jury spot! You're a legend in my books and all the props to you!

Jack: The girl with 4 lives! Definitely the sweetest person on this cast. Even if our conversations weren’t consistent, they were fluid and we could keep up the same conversations for like a week over the course of many hours. Mad respect for winning the double comeback challenge, you really proved that you dedicated yourself to this game and I loved that. 

MJ: I wish you hadn't gone at the tribal that you did, but I didn't want to get too involved with business that wasn't really mine. We had some nice chats along the way though, and since I made it this far, I guess I'll let you have Darren Criss.

Worth a shot, eh? :P I'm so grateful I got to play! Really wish I got back in to stir something up! It was quite the shituation but that's life, you gotta dig through a lot of shit before you find something good.

Wes: Voting you out felt really shitty.  I can understand if you feel betrayed and upset by me.  The only thing I can offer you is that I feel like we both really wanted to survive that garbage twist and I did what I needed to do to overcome it.  I hope you can believe me when I say I would have not wanted to vote you out if two-thirds of the people that made merge weren’t all immune.

Jimmy: Stevo, my saviour from Easter! Super surprised to see you giving this game a crack, just didn't expect to see you in same game as me again. But I was bloody stoked that I'd be able to check in and see what you've been up to over the past year. Like I told you in the game, I owe all success and good times I've had in Tumblr Survivor post-Easter due to you being a top-notch dude and giving me the chance to play, so I was more than ecstatic that I'd be able to repay the favour along the line. Your last ditech attempts in this game were confusing, but way to go out in glory. Very much look forward to St Paddy's Day to hear from another gloriously trashed Stevo! 

Jack: Not gonna lie, you kinda scared me for a moment when you lied about your idol. I was thoroughly convinced that it was a real thing. It is probably the one lie in this game I can say I completely fell for, no joke. It’s a shame it didn’t work out but you played it very well and I think if the circumstances were different, it could have worked out! 

MJ: He was a fighter.

thanks for letting me play hosties (heart) btw, jessy and jake were robbed! (buy green light on iTunes)

Wes: I didn’t get to know you super well, and I think a lot of people didn’t know what to make of you and felt threatened by your unpredictable disposition, myself included.

Jimmy: I found you to be really hard to talk to this game. Not sure if it was an age thing or not, but yeah, constantly found us not finding things in common or talking about how bored you are with school. Even found a streak of a week where you didn't reply so can't say we had too much of a connection. You seem like a cool cat and it's a bummer we weren't able to hit it off. Credit to give where credit is due though – a great effort for making it to merge with two lives, because we all know that wasn’t easy. 

Jack: The keyboard smash king! You never really spoke to me in sentences that had more than 4 words but I kind of enjoyed the change of pace compared to everyone else so thank you for that!

MJ: I still feel sort-of bad about how your tribal went down. It sucked having to lie to you and act like I didn't know what was going on. I feel like we did grow close during our time together though and I had a blast talking to you everyday. You should be proud of your game, and I think had you not gone when you did, you could've slid all the way to the end and been part of some really crucial votes along the way. Hopefully we can be friends after the game!

i had a blast. i made it 28 days. i made it past the merge um im happy. i am content and i went out with a great win and i went out as team captain for my team today and… y’know… im just… im really happy im content im in a pleasant place and i have absolutely no regrets.i feel like i owe nobody an apology, not even mySELF. im PROUD. um.. in saying that i apologize for something means that i have regrets and i have no regrets whatsoever. i made it far. i made it 28 days and i didn’t even think that i was gonna make it THAT far.. soo… to say that i did that is a hell of an accomplishment for me.. and… im just…. im happy to say that.. that i was ON survivor.. and that i went to nicaragua.. and… it’s truly a blessing!

Wes: On a purely game-related leveI think we were always going opposed to each other.  I’m not sure if you felt the same way, but I felt that we just wouldn’t have room for each other in our plans.  I respect your gameplay immensely though, and it’s been really cool to see just how great of a player you have become since your days in season 5, Redemption Island.

Jimmy: Gees we had a weird run, at the start it was all cool and we ended up getting chucked on the same tribe which was awesome. Then things got weird after the whole Jessy fiasco and we both sort of just left each alone until merge where I thought we better get our shit together. I appreciated we didn't end on a shitty note because I thought you were awesome guy! Still stoked I received the out-of-the-blue half selfie on one of your drunken adventures lol 

Jack: I hope you believe that when you went home, I was really REALLY trying to save you. Genuinely I wanted to repay you for screwing you over multiple time throughout the course of this game. I was drawing out football plays on my whiteboard just trying to get people to listen but it was to no avail. Just know what I tried to do for you changed the duration of how the game was played out and you were a very important player. I hope you don’t hate me even though I’m a snake and I hope we can be friends. 

MJ: Bich........... I cannot even put into words how much fun I had with you this time around. I'm so glad this season sucked so much for you that you had to work with ME of all people <3. Turns out you leaving at final 10 was a mistake for everyone, though, so i think you should have some pride in that! But seriously, I had a blast legitimately working with you this time around, and I wish we could've gone all the way together.

Throughout this game, I wasn't me. I was a still-life trapped in eternity. I was a focal point, out of focus, out of ink. But it had some fun moments.

Wes: Goddammit Pat.  Playing this game with you was a blast and you’re one of the best allies I’ve ever had.  I don’t really know what happened but I felt like you sort of drifted away, or you ended up thinking a different way forward was better for you, but I can’t help but feel like you kind of fell of your own sword at the end, from my perspective at least.  I’m looking forward to talking to you more after this game is over.

Jimmy: Pat is just a downright dude. We regularly just had good chats, like you'd easily fit in with the fellas I hang out with while drinking a beer. Had some of the best convos with you over the last two months. Game wise, you sprung up as a bit of a powerhouse, had your fingers in a lot of pies and you were doing it really well. You played a killer game man and I'm pretty glad you're not still around for that reason. Looking forward to one day being able to sit down and share some blokey tales over a couple of pints! 

Jack: Your vote out honestly shaped how the rest of the game turned out. I loved every call that we had together, ever since the original Andaman tribe. While you never joined the opening tribe call I made sure that I became friends with you because my mom always said good things about you!. Through Survivor Maryland and how Andaman played out, I knew you and I were going to be close. Although my schedule at times made it difficult to keep up with the viewings just know that I wish I could have kept up with them. I hope we can finish Maryland Outback after this game is over and continue being friends! 

MJ: Blindsiding you the first time was fun, but the second time was so, so much better. ;) In all seriousness, I really, really wish we started this game on the same tribe, because I feel like lots of things would've gone differently this season. We were definitely like two ships in the night that just, sailed past each other. As always though, you should be incredibly proud of yourself and the game that you played. There's a reason you're always considered one of the biggest threats.

When I came into this season I didn’t feel like I belonged amongst all these big names, and I still don’t, it was exhausting to even attempt to keep up with them….but I still tried and to be fair, I surprised myself that I made it this far like, whoda thunk it seeing me get voted out in episode 4 but still making it well into merge, only to get double idoled out, like what a freaking journey, now all I hope is that I made my friends proud and thanks hosts for giving this flop a chance <3 Thanks for the Golden Apple btw and Love to my Aeolian and Myanmar fam I did this for you <3

Wes: Steffen, you’re a really awesome person and I love that we were able to move past the stuff that happened premerge (like that one time you voted me out) and become friends.  I still laugh about some of the conversations we had and how over-the-top awkward they were sometimes, and being able to end up working together despite it.  I was hoping you’d go far in this game too, but people saw that you were a threat to win, no doubt about it.

Jimmy: One of the reasons I keep putting myself through these games is because I meet champion people, and Steffen is no exception, but rather a shining example. Immediately off the bat we hit it off and I’m stoked to be able to make a mate out of this. We had the best convos that would last for ages and you'd hang around late just for a chat which I really came to appreciate most. It took ages for us to finally be in the same vote and even then, we only just stumbled our way to achieving working together at least once. Definitely stoked we met this game and I'm keen to make it on your Tumblr Survivor wall soon as you pop on over for a visit! 

Jack: Steffen, you know there are a million reasons why you’re very important to me (Am I going to announce them publicly? Nah…but you know!) Just know that your constant paranoia and your quirky charm really sparked the fun back into the game for me when I was hitting that rough patch in my life. Thank you so much for that and I’ll talk to you soon!

MJ: I had so much fun w you this season faking a showmance in the main chat. Good times. I wish we could've actually had our movie date, but if ur still open to it, we can after the season ;) Also, congrats on going out at the craziest tribal council this season. Wear that badge with pride.

It's bad karma to give someone the same placement twice, now matter how iconic it is, so just let that fester for a second. That being said, the real tragedy of this season was there not being a 'most fake' category during Touchy Subjects. Good game, good luck, good night Tumblr Survivor.

Wes: There were a bunch of people that told me how happy they would be to vote for you to win if you were able to make it to the finals.  I always felt that you were silently waiting for the perfect time to strike with a huge power move.  Though, I couldn’t help but feel like you didn’t like me very much, and didn’t want to talk to me the (admittedly few) times I tried to.  I hope I’m wrong, at least on a personal level?  Anyhow, we were both on opposing sides of the field and we both were loyal to the people that helped us get to where we were, and I deeply respect that about you.

Jimmy: It's not true what they say about Jenn being a pile of shit, she's not that bad - just a piece of shit. Na Jenn's a downright legend and there's no doubt about it. Had absolutely no clue you were going to be playing this and I was mixture of shocked, surprised and stoked when you popped up in the reveal. Having you around definitely made me feel more comfortable kicking back into Survivor-mode after a bunch of time off, and trying to do new things. Who else was going to be my ranting buddy? You've been the best ally and my best friend around here, more than what I would have thought was possible to gain in playing these online games. Extremely happy to have a last hurrah together! Come your Australia trip it's going to be a riot and very much look forward to the day when I can give you a big ole bear hug to thanks for it all <3

Jack: Jenn! One of the nicest people I think I have ever played a game with, and I mean that genuinely. When we were working together, I had a blast. All of our calls were something I was looking forward too and unfortunately, it came down to the point where you were a serious threat in this game, and I could no longer ride it out with Triple J 3.0. I am glad that I was on call with you when it happened because that was probably some of the best sportsmanship I have seen in a game ever!

MJ: I truly had a great time playing with you this season. You were loyal, yet always ready to make a move against those you weren't closest to. You're by far one of the most skilled players I've ever played with, so I'm glad I got the chance to play with you, and at times, against you. My favorite round this season was the one Pat left, because despite you wanting me out, and me wanting Kait out the previous round, we managed to pull ourselves back together and make a huge move just a couple of days later. A player like yourself really enhances the experience of a season like this. I really do feel like we were able to grow at least somewhat closer to each other throughout this experience, and I hope you feel the same way.

this was fun, then it wasn't. remember not to be a piece of shit to your friends and always look cute. regardless, another sixth place isn't that cute of a look but it is what it is. hello "retirement" i'm poppin bottles now!!!!!!

Wes: Holy shit. You are a frightening player to go up against.  You’re definitely one of the best players in the community, and you were able to keep extremely loyal allies very deep into this game despite how huge of a player you were.  I did enjoy talking to you when we did, even though it awkwardly never turned into much about game strategy.  I definitely knew I had no place in your game plans and you probably felt the same way about me.  

Jimmy:   Kait mate, finally after a year we could actually have each other's back in a game. I meant it when I told you that the most promising and exciting aspect of this game was getting to Dream Team with yourself and Jenn. I was getting to trio up with a pair of the most amazing women around these parts and I was given a crack at lifting myself up to your standards. And while undoubtedly we had ups and downs between us with a couple of fights and disagreements occurring, it was still a blast being in the #MalaysiaCult gg Jenn/Jimmy/Kait! Look very much forward to the time we finally get our shit together and get smashed on call for a Family Drinking Night <3

Jack: Kait, Kait, Kait. You are probably one of the smartest people in this game, mostly because you can sense my bullshit from the minute I open my mouth and you made it really tough for me to maneuver through this game! I have no ill feelings towards you and I hope we can reunite Malaysia after the game!

MJ: Don't really know what to say here considering you removed me as a contact on Skype, so I don't really think you'd even want a Rites of Passage from me. But at any rate, playing with you is fun, and at times frustrating, but overall you're one of the main reasons why I've enjoyed this experience so much. I'd really hope that you understand that this entire time, I've been doing what was best for me and gives me the best shot at getting to the end with a case for myself. I would have loved to go to the end with you, but I never imagined a scenario where a jury would reward my gameplay or approach to the game over yours. Thanks for playing your idol on me, standing up for me, and valuing me as an ally. And although I ultimately turned my back on you, you were easily the second most valuable person to my game. If you feel like I crossed the line in this game and choose not to be my friend when this is all over, that's fine and I completely understand, but I really hope that that's not the case, and I would hope that the friendship we have transcends the decisions that either of us made in this game.

I mean..... lol I tried? I had a lot of fun this game even until the very last few seconds. While I can say I think I made more mistakes than anyone, I got a chance to play a completely different way than I ever have before. Playing from the bottom up is...an experience and I learned a lot. All of us earned the title of All Star and proved that these last few months, we should all be proud. I think the hosts all did an amazing job hosting two seasons at once and torturing us all juuuust the right amount, so I want to make sure I thank them.

Wes: Is there even such thing as a more iconic dynamic duo?  If you would have told me we would have become close allies with you again I would have laughed, but I loved being able to play with you again.  I loved our strategy calls where we would call each other idiots for some of the ideas we had or things we did.  I loved playing Slither.io even after we didn’t have to for immunity anymore.  I loved when we all came together on Thotse and came up with a way to get through that tribal without actually turning against each other.  I loved getting you to fucking waste an idol on me even after how I royally betrayed you in our first game together.  I loved being able to give away individual immunity a second time to save you this time instead of screwing you over.  My only regret is that I couldn’t do more for you.  This game would have been a lot less fun without you. Thanks.

Jimmy: I think you got the roughest deal of them when it came to being my mate. As it was with Steffen, I'm really happy to have met you this game and you're very much a legend to me! I really enjoyed our calls where we could slip in and out of important stuff while chucking in banter and smack talk at each other on the reg. I think you did an amazing job this game - you regularly got the rough end of the stick (regularly with me playing part) but you still managed to tough it out to gain an extremely respectable 5th place. And even more so, even though we kept not helping each other, I loved that we could have some fun. Happy to have picked up another mate during this shambles of a game ☺

Jack: This vote probably hurt me the most, but it was something that had to be done for my game. I think over the course of this game, our friendship has strengthened. We were together since Denali, and when that rough patch hit, I really hoped we would somehow rekindle our relationship and we did! I loved talking to you and I loved calling you. Through the 100, you recommending Heath Ledger movies for my dates, talking about my boy “problems”, and finally realizing we both love Dance Academy, I think we definitely have become really close friends. I hope after this game you and I can continue being friends because I appreciated every moment I had with you.

MJ: Ahhhh… We truly had a roller coaster of a relationship and strategic partnership in this game. I'm glad we managed to put everything aside at the end of the day and make a couple of more moves together at the end. I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the game with you and all the calls we had. You were such a good sport about your tribal, and I think that really shows your appreciation for this game, and your skill/maturity as a player in it. You had a really tough go this season, definitely more than your two other runs, but you should be proud of the game you played nonetheless. I'm so happy that we were able to create and develop our friendship throughout this season. Using this game as a tool to create or repair a relationship is one the best aspects of it, so I'm glad we did that, and I hope we can be friends after the game!

[i-amusemyself]

Every and all countries.

HEY ITS MY FAVE ANON!!!! 😄😄😄💕 Thankies!!!! (Sorry for the delay, ive barely had internet)

America: What is your favourite place to eat?I’m not really sure 😂 I dont ever really go out to eat and if I do I just end up going to McDonalds or Nandos tbh

Australia: Do you have any quirks when speaking? ….I don’t know, I don’t pay much attention! I know if my head is somewhere else I’m terrible at keeping eye contact. Besides that I basically just laugh for one reason or another and say sorry 24/7.

Austria: already answered

Belarus: Is there anyone that you love? Family/friends/romantic interest etc.Oh hell yeah definitely!! I love my family one way or another ig. My friends, even the ones I don’t see often, I absolutely adore! I have like 5 people I would legit die for 😂

Belgium: What do you think of your siblings?I dont have any. I wish I did tho.

Botswana: Do you like to sing? Why?Yeah, I like singing since it sometimes helps when my mood gets down. I only really do it when I’m alone tho bc im shy

Bulgaria: Who do you consider close to you?I have 3 close friends tbh and id trust them with just about anything

Cameroon: Describe your culture.Lmaoooo what culture? 😂 I’m basically english and i dont even know if the things associated with that would be considered cultural? Idk we just drink tea, say sorry and are supposed to have a stiff upper lip at all times

Canada: Favourite wintertime activity?Not having to go to school 😂 idk tbh, sledging is kinda fun from what i remember?

China: already answered

Cuba: What sort of grudges do you hold if any?I very rarely hold grudges tbh, I let 99% of things go even if people don’t apologise. It’s hard to say where the line is without sounding overdramatic. I guess if they made my life so bad I considered ending it I wouldnt like someone too much (or if others saw that and continued to stay friends with them).

Cyprus: already answered

Denmark: Do you wish for something of your past?Nah, not really. I try my best to look forward, not back.

Egypt: Do you stand up for what you believe in? How?Ummmm, I’m not sure I could say I’m that active in it. I once wrote a long, anonymous letter to the headteacher or my school wrt the treatment and education of lgbt people. Besides that? I havent dont much. I’d go to a protest if there was one nearby that I supported.

England: Are you controlling?That’s hard to answer? Because when things happen my initial instinct is to control them. But I’m a lot more chilled out than I used to be, and continuing to try to improve on it. So the amount of things I actively try to control are very slim. The issues lies more with my hatred of vague plans tbh 😂

Estonia: Do you think people often misunderstand you?I don’t open up to that many people, not really. Most the therapists I’ve seen have never got me at all. In terms of friends, some do get it, though it depends upon what specifically I’m trying to explain/show etc.

Finland: What do you prefer; kindness, sternness or apathy?Kindness, for sure. It’s nice to know other people might look out for you when you’re not necesarily in a place to look out for yourself. Sternness is just,, hard to communicate with and apathy can put me on edge.

France: How do you share love for those you care for?Most the time I just send them memes 😂 I try to make sure I’m honest and I don’t hold back with compliments. I also try to show then that I really am interested in them/their life, tho sometimes I worry I’m annoying them.

What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?4 A levels whilst also juggling 3 jobs at one point.

Germany: Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself?I rarely forgive myself for something without outside help, and even then it isnt guaranteed

Ghana: What is your favourite sport?Basketball, its the only one I understand 😂

Greece: Do you let others help you when in need?I do sometimes tell my closest friends if I’m in a really bad patch and out of options. Although, I become more focused on making them feel helpful than actually being honest when I can’t believe them etc.

Hungary: Who is the person you trust the most?My closest friends probably. Although there are different kinds of trust, so it varies with what I’m trusting and who I go to etc.

Hutt River: What is the most memorable dream or nightmare you’ve had?I remember most of my dreams tbh, and for months too. Nightmares especially, but i wont share those bc theyre really horrific tbh. I had a dream a few months back that I died and went to heaven, that was nice. Like, it just felt so calm, I didnt want to wake up.

Hong Kong: Do you fear death?I dont so much fear death as fear excessive pain and suffering tbh. I’m okay with not knowing what, if anything, happens after we die.

Iceland: Do you hide your real personality? Why?Not reaaally 😂 when I’m with people I know and trust I can pretty much be myself. But different people bring out different parts of me.There is a small part I crush right down bc I hate it, but it might slowly be fading.

India: How important is family to you?Idk, I’ve never felt super close to a lot of my family. I just sort of seem to find my own family, and theyre hella important to me.

Japan: Tell us a secret about yourself.I dont have that many secrets????? At all??? And the ones I do have I don’t tell for a reason 😂 lets go with: i have 2 moles and a shoulder dimple that look like a blob fish.

Kenya: What is your favourite wild animal?I love so many of them?!?!?!?! I love capybaras but also elephants and also gorillas???

Korea: What is one thing you accomplished by yourself?Ah, I never do anything completely by myself 😂 Idk, managing to get to america on my own was pretty scary, but I did it.

Kugelmugel: Is there anyone you have a love hate relationship with?I mean according to my anxiety, everyone I love hates me 😂But erm, the only person who I can really think of is my old geography teacher. He was a legend and I loved him, but for sure he hated me.

Latvia: Do you believe you are brave?Eh, idk. I don’t think I’m a coward, but it would depend on the situation.

Ladonia: What is the internet site you visit most often?Tumblr. I cant deny it.

Liechtenstein: How do people underestimate you most often?I have no idea, they usually overestimate me, though I don’t pay much attention to peoples expectations 😂 I genuinly have no idea, maybe I should ask my friends or something

Lithuania: Do you desire power?My initial answer is no, I’m not that interested in being powerful on a large scale. But I guess there are different kinds of power? Like, it would be nice to have the power to change other peoples lives for the better. Or the power that comes with being in government, which has always been something I’ve been interested in.

Macau: What is your favourite festival or celebration?Halloween. Without a doubt.

Molossia: Do you consider yourself strong?I used to think I was strong, given some of the things I’ve been through. Now though I realise I just supressed all the emotions that came with them, which are all coming back, and honestly I’m a weak mess.

Monaco: Do you think you are a lucky person?No, not really. 😂 I mean, there might have been 100 times ive narrowly escaped death, but I wouldnt know it.

New Zealand: Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, hobbit or wizard?I’ve never seen lotr/the hobbit ngl so just based on what I know I’ll say wizard bc magic

North Italy: What is your least favourite part of your personality?All of it. Idk, jealousy. Awkwardness. Inability to make conversation. Just who I am as a person.

Norway: What was the most disappointing time in your life?Idk, Ive been disappointed a lot 😂 my dad let me down p bad once, though i dont really wanna share the deets

Netherlands: Most generous thing someone has ever done for you?My best friend bought me a necklace with “you are the light of my life” on it and I still can’t get over how cute that is 😄

Poland: Hardest thing you’ve been through?The thing that comes to mind was the longest and most stressful night of my life. I’d just broken up from school for summer that day and we had an estate agent coming to value the house the next day so we could move out of the Flood Zone. That evening it rained and rained and I ran around the village asking council people to help us but no one came so we stayed up till 2am pouring water from around the house into wheelie bins to try and stop it coming in. Then I had a breakdown in the bath and just remember feeling so trapped. I never want to go through that again.

Prussia: Would you prefer to live forever or die alone?Oooooh thats a tough one! Bc living forever would surely involve a lot of time alone. I think I’d hate it tbh, 80 years is enough for me 😂 but dying alone is like, my greatest fear tbh. So I’ll say live forever.

Roman Empire: How would you like to be remembered?Idk, just as a good person that maybe helped a few people out, I suppose. I mean, sure I’d love to find a cure for cancer and change the world etc but gotta be realistic

Romania: What is something you are very ashamed of?There are parts of my body I hate so much I’ve genuinly considered taking a knife to them myself. I also struggle to deal with the whole gender/sexuality thing, no matter how much people tell me its okay.

Russia: Have you ever suffered from low self esteem? Do you still?For sure, yeah. I really struggle to love myself in any way, it’s an alien concept to me and I’ve always been taught to keep my mouth shut about anything I actually do like.

Sealand: Who is your best friend?My bro @only-slightly-dangerous lmao

Seborga: What is your favourite beverage?I absolutely looove milkshakes (despite being lactose intollerant 🙄), especially oreo ones

Seychelles: How do you handle people being rude to you?Lmaooo I don’t 😂 if they say anything personal, I take it to heart. I might try to talk back but I’d just screw it up.

South Italy: What is your favourite part of your personality?Ummm, idk, I don’t really think about the words I could use to describe my personality? I guess I quite like my sense of humor. Idk.

Spain: What would you tell to the person or people you hurt most if you had a second chance?I don’t want to sound like,,, a twat,,, but I don’t really think I’ve ever really badly hurt someone (not knowingly or intentionally anyway). The only person I can think of is someone I cut off for being a bad friend… so I don’t really feel too bad about that.

Sweden: Are you a leader, follower or independent?Lmao all of the above, depending on the circumstances 😂 I don’t mind leading things and taking charge, Im quite good at being organised. But equally I don’t mind following other people if I agree with their plans. I also love being independent and doing things alone, bc it feels free and you don’t have to worry about anyone else.

Switzerland: Would you consider yourself evil, good or neutral?Good, I think. I try to be a good person. Sometimes my initial reaction or thoughts might not be good, but I always want to do the right thing.

Thailand: How good is your poker face?If I’m just pissing about, not great. I just laugh. But if I’m serious it’s pretty good, if I can say that 😂 I’m good at acting when I want to be.

Tibet: What do you value most?What?? As in a quality? Or objects?? Idk. People with good intentions, I’ll say that.

Taiwan: What do you think of the people or person who raised you?I have a lot of feelings towards them, not all of them good. I’d rather not talk/think about it rn though.

Turkey: Would you ever want children?Without a doubt, yeah. I’m not sure if I’d have my own or adopt, maybe both. I’m not that naturally maternal; I love kids but knowing how to talk/react to them doesnt come naturally. Im probs more of a dad 😂

Uganda: How would you like others to see you?I dont know???? Just as a kind and trustworthy person that genuinly cares and will always try my best to help when I can.

Ukraine: What is one thing that has made you stronger in life?I have no idea. I don’t feel like a very strong person at all. My life just feels like a long string of events I’ve had to cope with.

Vietnam: What is something you are proud of about yourself?I don’t really,,, feel pride 😂😂😂 like I honestly can’t think of a time I’ve felt like that. I guess I’m pleased I did well in my A levels? But even then I wouldnt say I’m proud.

Yemen: What kind of art do you like?Its hard to describe? I know it when I see it 😂 I’m not too bothered about portraits and paintings of dull landscapes, but equally some modern art is barely Art. I quite like paintings that are bright, or tell a story. I also like sculptures if theyre based on cool stuff like, the human body ooor dragons idk. Mosaics are p nice too

Zimbabwe: Who is your favourite character from any folklaw?I’m not sure I know many folklaws 😂 The person that comes to mind is rumplestiltskin, but I think thats only bc I love his chacter in Once Upon a Time