#wanted my first post after all of these years to be more Profound but that's not how we do it

[rogurogue]

Who got two thumbs and were able to take their controller apart to replace the R2 spring that's been broken for months?

Meee!

[writingquestionsanswered]

Character Hasn't Experienced Major Trauma

Anonymous asked: I have two of my three characters' arcs worked out, but not the protagonist's. She's just a random teenager before the story starts (normal life/family/parents, yet to be traumatised) so I'm struggling with what background to give her. I don't want to pull the orphan card and can't think of a proper inciting incident since I don't know what her situation is before it all. Any tips on writing ordinary characters?

[Ask edited for length]

First, it's important not to think of a character's past trauma as having to be some horrific event. That's not what emotional wounds are about. They can be, but they certainly don't have to be and normally aren't. Your character's emotional wound can be literally any moment in their past that made them believe something about themselves, someone else, or the world that isn't true, and as such has a profound effect on who they are when the story starts and how they navigate the story in the beginning. It's the starting point of their character arc.

Second, almost everyone has experienced a moment like that by the time we reach our double-digits.

Some examples of emotional wounds that aren't big, horrific events:

emotional wound: strict religious grandma tells you "if something makes you happy, it will probably send you to hell"

lie you believe as a result: you can never enjoy things that make you happy

emotional wound: trusted aunt has a bad break-up and, with mascara running down her face, tells you, "true love is a lie. No one is ever truly happy in love."

lie you believe as a result: when someone says "I love you," they're lying and it's time to bail on the relationship before it falls apart.

emotional wound: best friend's "#relationship goals" parents go through a bitter divorce.

lie you believe as a result: relationships always end in disaster and no one can live happily ever after.

Finally, your story's inciting incident doesn't have to be related to your character's past, and in fact most of the time it isn't. Their response to the inciting incident may be guided by the lie they believe, but even that's not always the case. Sometimes, the emotional wound/lie they believe simply influences how they navigate the story's events and how they are changed by those events.

I hope that helps!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[chiisana-sukima]

nine people i want to get to know better

Thank you for the tag, @slutsons-blog! Starting a new post because I'm autistic and therefore mostly only care about the "Current Obsession" question, and want to ramble excessively as usual in that one.

Last song: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team: Pokemon Square because I'm currently playing Pokemon Mystery Dungeon with my daughter. Otherwise I honestly couldn't tell you. Whatever was on in my car.

Fave color: Purple

Currently watching: Star Trek Discovery

Last movie: Knives Out

Sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet, tart, salty

Relationship: married x 27 years

Last thing I googled: the word "dependent", for spelling assistance. which is a good thing because I spelled it "dependant".

Current Obsession: it's been spn since 2016. Truly we are the Hotel California of media franchises. I did recently play Disco Elysium twice in a row in quick succession, and I follow the DE tag. I can't recommend the game highly enough.... but I can feel my Special Interest-level obsession with it fading already. Spn has never faded even a tiny bit and I wonder if it ever will.

@slutsons-blog I feel after reading that you're watching spn for the first time, that I did you a bit of a disservice with my Sam takes to you before in that I mostly talked about Sam's evolution as a character as the show goes on and very little about him from the first five seasons.

Gotta be honest and tell you that although I liked both brothers all along, I was a Dean girl until the end of s6/beginning of s7, when the balance of who gets whumped the most started shifting and my subconscious suddenly decided to switch allegiances. It's not that I liked Dean any less; my id just loves a sopping wet pathetic kitten of a man who has been sexually abused, and Sam got suddenly way more kitteny and pathetic after the Cage. So I don't actually have a ton of takes on "what to love about Sam in the early seasons". I do love early seasons Sam too--she is my beautiful baby princess--but my early seasons takes are a lot more inchoate.

I count myself lucky about my id's sudden defection though, because I think we have limited control of who our blorbos are, and having Dean as a blorbo is a tough row to hoe as the later seasons go along. You know how you noticed that in s6, Dean suddenly gets a lot more assholey without apparent reason? Unfortunately he never gets better again, and in fact keeps getting worse and worse as the years go by, until by the last seasons he is openly far more abusive to their joint child(-in-an-adult body) than John was to him and Sam. It's a realistic picture of what can happen when trauma keeps piling up on people, but it's also honestly pretty distressing, especially if he's your blorbo.

If one is in it for the ship, there's some good destiel content in the later seasons, but if you're in it for Dean, you're left either 1) dealing with the fact he's got extremely significant interpersonal problems that he never gets much of anywhere on solving and that negatively impact his chosen family in profound ways, or 2) pretending he's the same character he was in s1 and Sam is the same Sam from s1, only more boring, and Dean is just trying to put up with him because he was brainwashed by John (or ig 3- something in the middle between those two. But that seldom seems to happen in practice for whatever reason). These two versions of the show are poorly compatible, and that's how the Sam girls and the Dean girls end up in isolated silos. A few people manage to live in both, but not many.

Anyway, I feel like without the context of how Sam and Dean change in the mid to late seasons, the two fics I recc'd as Sam character studies are going to seem insanely Dean-critical, so if you haven't read them yet, you might want to wait until s10. In the meantime, the general recs are fun reads and hopefully do a good job of showcasing both characters earlier on.

Tagging (but I would be a huge hypocrite if I didn't specify there's no pressure to respond, since I almost always fail at responding to tag games myself): @adihildilid @aliusfrater @quietwingsinthesky @sammygender @ardentpoop

@peanutbutterandbananasandwichs @schizosamwincester @normalbrothershow @jellybracelet.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Okay so in the same vein as this post, I want to reality check the people who keep asking (yes I've been this person too, don't @ me) why oh why are Jews the only group leftists are willing to categorically deny self-determination to, and the reason is that most of them are tits deep in Christian supercessionism and don't even know it and have absolutely no desire to change that.

The reason they deny self-determination to Jews is the same reason that they would deny any claim to self-determination of, say, Mormons. If the Mormon church tried to claim Utah because it's the epicenter and birthplace of Mormonism [Edit: apparently the birthplace of Mormonism is western New York and not Utah whoops, but the point stands] and therefore they may as well have an indigenous claim to it, people with brains would rightfully lose their shit.

"But it's a culture too, not just a religion!"

So? Have you met any Mormons and spent time with them? They have their own culture.

"Okay but Jews are an ancient people!"

Please look at the batshit Mormon theological view of the Twelve Tribes and their attitudes towards Native Americans.

"Okay but our history is real!" Yep! These people don't know the first thing about Judaism and Jewish history and don't care.

The reality is that most westerners are hellbent on ignoring Jewish history and ethnoreligious identity because literally all of western civilization is built on Christian supercessionism. Even the people who leave Christianity and hate it (and "all religions") with a violent passion still refuse to engage in learning about Jewish cultural and ethnic history because you cannot do it without engaging the history and texts that they blame as the roots of Christianity and therefore they discredit all of it out of hand.

Obviously they're super fucking wrong about this. You, my fellow yid, and I, both know that. But unraveling the supercessionism means understanding their culpability in Jewish suffering and how they benefit from institutionalized antisemitism.

They are extremely unlikely to do that.

Why? Because if they unlearn Judaism as "just a religion" &/or "Christianity without Jesus" and begin to understand it as an indigenous Levantine group, they then have to reckon with the reality of how much Christianity has stolen from Jews and how much of their hatred for Jews is baked into their western goyische psyche by intentional Christian misunderstandings of Judaism.

Am Yisrael cannot to them be a real people with deep tribal roots and a strong culture, because then they would have to separate Judaism from Christianity and question their assumptions about us and our history.

"But Judaism accepts converts!"

Okay, as someone who "converted," I'm going to say no, not really, actually. Conversion is a convenient shorthand, but it's not accurate. Converting to Judaism means a mutually consensual adoption into the Tribe, after thorough vetting, at least a year of study and perseverance but probably more, and the main, primary promise that you make is about choosing to share the collective fate of the Jewish people. Yes, this adoption and naturalization is through the medium of the spiritual/religious aspect of Jewish identity, but it's way more than that. To be a Jew is to know that I might get stabbed on my walk to shul for being visibly Jewish, and to accept that possibility because the idea of not living as a Jew is worse. Gerim have to be ride or die because a serious chunk of Jewish history is on the "die" side of that equation. You have to be just a little bit nuts voluntarily take on that risk (reminder that I say this as a ger who is happily Jewish) and it must come from a place of profound love for and identification with the Jewish people. And once you join the family, that's it. You don't get to ever stop being a member of the family, even if you become estranged from it.

It's a people, with a deep history and culture, and anyone who joins it takes on both. Obviously your genetic makeup and ancestry don't change, but everything else does.

Understanding that major difference in Judaism in a serious way means that they would have to let go of their world view that their religion and culture are separate, that Christianity intentionally divorced faith from culture in order to acquire as many converts as possible, and then begin to understand how Christianity has shaped their understanding of culture, tradition, what religion is, ethics, and values. And they would have to then make an effort to separate their understanding of Judaism and what they think they know about us from Christianity, however they do or don't relate to it.

[mchib]

‘We need more bipolar characters’ 

YOU COULDBNT EVEN HANDLE HIM

first of all i think this is common knowledge but he exhibits a complex and erratic personality which i think could potentially be interpreted as symptom of bipolar disorder - bipolar is a characterized by extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression) - throughout the series and manga (i think the manga shows this better) mellos behavior fluctuates dramatically displaying periods of intense energy impulsivity and irritability which align with manic episodes,,. - in the manga mellos depicted as ambitious driven and sometimes reckless in his pursuit of catching Kira. he has a chronic case of impulsive decision making such as kidnapping poeple and hijacking a character showcases a lack of regard for consequences which is a hallmark trait of manic behavior - i also think mellos extreme emotional responses ranging from fits of rage to moments of despair mirror the intense mood swings characteristic of bipolar disorder. he also struggles with self esteem and identity also point towards bipolar disorder... individuals with bipolar disorder often experience fluctuations in self esteem oscillating between grandiosity during manic episodes and profound self doubt during depressive episodes - mellos constant comparison to near (who he he and only he sees as his rival) and his need to prove himself could stem from underlying insecurities exacerbated by his mood swings

him developing bipolar could totally be a normal trauma response from literally a lot of abuse that he has faced, most of the main characters from wammys house show no signs of like rebellion or outlandish behavior like he does but that doesnt necessarily mean that nothing happened and i think the author gave characters such as near and the other orphans way too much mental fortitude. bipolar can be developed at any age and its especially common between ages 15-19. not to mention other than it being genetic, theres a huge link between bipolar and childhood trauma. like imagine being groomed your whole childhood into this competitive environment with other 4 year olds to be the smartest toddler so u can substitute this crazy genius when he dies. and think of it like come on theres no chance all of these kids desperately wanted to be detectives when they grew up there was definitely like some sort of foul play. L is an exception obviously since the orphanage became abusive after he came and he was treated like a king basically while the other orphans mental state was completely disregarded because they were only brought in from several corners of the world solely to be his successor. in fact the first generation orphans were literally expected to kill themselves because of the pressure and A killing himself literally was not a shock at all to the orphanage in fact i suspect that a lot of the first generation orphans made to succeed L had a horrible mental state and also killed themselves which if you think about it B (which stood for backup) losing his mind was completely normal even if the way he went about challenging L was not. not to mention how he had to live with shinigami eyes but thats for another post lolol.,,, anyways yeah mello's behavior is actually justified when you think about how much of an abusive household he lived in even if its kind of obvious that the author disregarded coming up with an explanation for the orphans mental wellbeing and how it would have affected their adolescence except from the character of mello and even when they show mello they basically make him seem insane and watari like an angel . reading the la bb murder cases from mello's perspective really opened my eyes to like how it actually was in wammys house u can really understand it from his tone and stuff also with that one page hold on lemme find it

'but what if they could copy him? what if they could make a backup? that was us. L's children, gathered from all corners of the world. children gathered together, never told each other's names. but even for a genuis like watari, creating a fake L was easier said than done. even for near and i, who were said to be the closest to L... the more we tried to be like him, the closer we got, the farther away he was, like chasing a mirage. so i hardly need to tell you what it was like when wammy's house was first founded, when he was still experimenting. the first child, A, was unable to handle the pressure of living up to L and took his own life, and the second child, beyond birthday, was brilliand and deviant. B stood for Backup.'

'L was the goal of everyone in wammys house. everyone one of us wanted to surpass him. to step over him. to step on him. M did, N did and B did. M as a challenger, N as a successor. B as a criminal.'

sorry for my complete lack of spelling punctuation and grammar but i think i got my point across and also big thanks to @monards who helped me finish this draft by giving me the energy to continue and also encouraging my crippling death note addiction by feeding into it with questions and remarks like 'woah!' and 'eureka!'

[yaseraphinee]

astro observations 3 - appearance and vibes / leo risings focus

WHY IS EVERYONE LEO RISING ???

(REMINDER : I am NOT a professional astrologer. Everything I say are my personal opinions and not facts.)

Hi guys !

First of all, I wanted to say sorry for not posting in 1 month. My 2 weeks and a half trip was not the most relaxing to say the least. But I still had fun overall!

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty of things : Today's post will be about Leo risings, and like I said in the last post about Virgo risings (you can check it if you want here), this post will not be a description of their physical characteristics and vibes but instead be an open conversation to answer one of my biggest astrological questions : Are Leo risings the most common rising sign ? (Libra and Virgo risings will also be part of the conversation but not at the center of it, obviously)

This question has been bothering me for a while now. It feels like whenever i meet a group of people, i click on a few random profiles on astro seek , I, more often than not, encounter a bunch of Leo risings.

Even on instagram when some random people reveal their big three in their stories, or on their bios it feels like 4 times out of 10 it's a leo rising ?

I don't know if i am tripping but i feel like , after studying and learning about astrology for a little more than two years and doing, seeing and dissecting so many birth charts, i recently came to the conclusion that Leo risings might the most common rising sign.

Actually, this conversation seems to not be reserved to Leo risings only since Virgo and Libra risings appear to be also REALLY common rising signs.

-> EXEMPLE :

To give a real life exemple , last year i knew the rising signs of 20 people in my grade. To show you clearly how common some signs seem to be, i am going to make a list of each student next to their rising signs, calling each 20 of them student 1, student 2, ....

-> MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH THOSE STUDENTS :

Within those 20 students, most of them were good acquaintances and a minority were my friends. I did not have really profound relationships with most of them.

/!\ i am aware that only 20 people is FAR from being enough evidence to prove my point but i am just trying to show WHY i have been questionning the possibility of leo risings, alongside with libra and virgo, being the most common rising signs, and not prove that they are the most common because i clearly do not know and i need your help lol /!\

Student 1 : Gemini rising

Student 2 : Virgo rising

Student 3 : Scorpio rising

Student 4 : Virgo rising

Student 5 : Leo rising

Student 6 : Libra rising

Student 7 : Cancer rising

Student 8 : Capricorn rising

Student 9 : Libra rising

Student 10 : Virgo rising

Student 11 : Virgo rising

Student 12 : Cancer rising

Student 13 : Aquarius rising

Student 14 : Taurus rising

Student 15 : Leo rising

Student 16 : Leo rising

Student 17 : Aries rising

Student 18 : Leo rising

Student 19 : Sagittarius rising

Student 20 : Cancer rising

*A few of them , i am not sure if they're 100% accurate since they gave me an approximative time of birth.

-> RESULTS :

You can CLEARLY see that Leo, Virgo and Libra risings are the most common. (cancer risings seem also really common here)

Out of the 20 students , 10 are Leo, Virgo or Libra risings. They make up almost a majority of the risings, which is crazy regarding the fact that they are 12 possible rising signs, and only 3 out of the 12 make up half of that list.

The funny coincidence here is that , in the zodiac wheel, they are all one after another :

Leo-> Virgo -> Libra

Now , I remember seeing a while ago a youtube short explaining that the rarest rising signs are allegedly Aries , Pisces and Aquarius risings. I'll put the link if you want to watch it but to summerize she says that basically : Every single day for two hours (approx.), each one zodiac sign constellation rises on the Eastern Horizon. If a baby is born during the 2 hour chunk when Gemini is rising, that baby will have a gemini rising. The particularity that makes Aries, Pisces and Aquarius so rare is that those constellations only rise for one hour (approx.) each day. Since most of the signs rise for a longer amont of time (2 hours), you have a higher chance of having those signs on your ascendant and logically, a lower chance of having Aquarius, Pisces and Aries on your ascendant.

At the beginning, I said that I studied astrology for a little more than two years HOWEVER I haven't really studied (if not at all) the more "technical side of astrology", what the discipline and knowledge requires to be practiced correctly and accurately and to make the best interpretations possible.

That is one of the reasons why I am coming here : to seek help from professional astrologers who can not only clarify if what the girl in the youtube shorts is saying is true or not and why it is true, but also to tell me if my theory makes any sense, if there's some truth in it - > basically, to give us answers.

Now, even if you're not a certified astrologer you are still obviously welcomed to partake in this conversation ! I will be more than happy to answer to all of you guys and to get your intake on this conversation <33

Let's use our brains together and come up collectively with an answer !

Remember guys : STAY BLESSED 💅🏼✨ ! (period ha! 👅💋)

[hedgehog-moss]

Hi, could you tell us more about your night time walks with your cats?

I wrote a post about it last year if you want to check it out :) Usually we go down to the torrent because you can’t get lost with this itinerary; even when you don’t see anything you can hear where the water is, and then going home is just a matter of going up and up until you emerge from the woods. I was a bit concerned about getting lost at first because as an ex-city person, the forest at night is an experience of profound, total darkness that I’d never had before. It’s unsettling and lovely.

(Although the flash and the snow make things look deceptively luminous here.)

The cats usually retreat to the barn in the evening (as they’re supposed to—it’s their prime hunting hour and I want them to keep the hay rodent-free) but when they hear me walk past the barn after dark they’re like “yay we’re going on a walk tonight” and I see three cats jump out of the window one after the other and then follow me. It’s very cute. All four of us enjoy our night walks.

I love how many wild animals you can hear at night (and without Pandolf scaring them off), the forest feels so much more populated than during the day. And I love how lively cats are after sunset.

They spend the day sleeping on the couch or in my bed (depending on whether I’ve made a fire in the living-room) but then at night they keep chasing each other around, climbing on things, exploring, playing pranks on each other... Morille likes to hide (very poorly) behind trees or rocks and then pounce on me or the other cats when we walk past. She does it 12 times per walk and we pretend to be very startled every time to make her feel formidable.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Idk if you ever had this quesrion but---

The vongola guardians and any additional characters you want : ... How do they grief? After a small thing that happened, like loosing a precious item, then maybe something more upsetting like breaking up after a long time of being with someone up to actually losing a person to death. How do they cope? How do they handle life from then on out?

You dont have to answer but i thought this might be interesting to ponder

I don’t think I’ve ever had this question! It’s a little surprising, because it is such a really interesting, thought-provoking request! Thank you so much for sending it in and I hope I’ve done such an intriguing concept justice in my answers, that everything feels organic to the characters, and most importantly, that you lovelies all enjoy the headcanons 😊 Because this ended up being so long, I do need to make it into separate posts for Tumblr to allow me to post it, so the question will be answered along multiple days. And honestly, since this took me nearly four hours to answer and edit, I kind of like being able to get multiple queued posts for it, sorry!

Tsuna

Tsuna is someone who is actually a little prone to grief. His emotions tend to run deep, he gets attached to things and people pretty easily, and it hits him hard when things end, get lost, or stop being the same. While he knows change can be a positive thing, sees how change has helped his life be better, major changes will affect him emotionally quite badly, especially if that change is one that he did not want.

He’s not always the best at figuring out how to handle his emotions, even the positive ones, and that is something that is even harder for him to do when the emotions become larger and more profound. He struggles to wrap his head around feelings of grief and loss, what to do with those emotions, or how to properly move on from them. He finds it hard to start properly grieving. He doesn’t really know how to. He doesn’t let it be instinctual – he gets caught up in feeling like he should be grieving in this or that way and because of this, he often finds that his grief lasts longer, or that he feels like he’s got over something that made him grieve, only to find himself taking steps backwards and getting caught up in the grief again. He can sometimes take the view that grief is something that has all these properly laid-out steps and actions that you need to progress through to get completely cured of that grief, instead of something that is very personal and individual.

Now, Tsuna is someone who will definitely feel grief over small things. He does place sentimental value on objects. He’s someone who really does treasure things that were given to him by the people in his life. We see this in the charm from Kyoko that Tsuna gets really anxious about misplacing in canon. I think it’s this way for a lot of things – the first real birthday gift that Lambo and I-Pin got him with their allowance money or his favourite hoodie, the one his mother went out of her way to buy, even though it was stupidly expensive, just because he’d mentioned how badly he wanted it. I have always had this headcanon that Tsuna also collects pictures of him and the other Guardians and his other friends through the years and that those mean the world to him. He’ll cherish his first apartment.

When Tsuna loses one of those sentimental objects, he gets really upset about it. He gets anxious, unhappy, and he tends to immediately feel a lot of guilt about it. He defaults to blaming himself for whatever happened to those objects – he didn’t take good enough care of it obviously, it’s his fault for losing it, he really is no good. He takes losing something that was given to him really hard and he’ll drive himself a little crazy looking for it. He feels so bad about losing that thing and he fully expects whoever gave it to him to get really upset at him for misplacing it if he cannot find it. He is just that angry and upset at himself, after all.

An avid gamer, someone who loves reading manga, and someone who really gets into the tv shows he loves, Tsuna forms connections with fictional characters pretty easily. When his favourite characters die, he definitely gets sad and upset about it. He won’t cry about these little moments of grief, but he’ll feel crummy about it for several days. He’ll vent about it to friends and he’ll be upset. He might even stop watching the show or playing the game, feeling that everything’s been ruined about it now that it’s made him feel that emotional reaction.

For small things that make him grieve, like growing out of a favourite piece of clothing, leaving his house for the first time to live on his own or for moving on from his first adult apartment, the moments will be very bittersweet. On one hand, he knows that all life chapters have to end and that there are still many beautiful things to come, but at the same time, he finds himself quite sad. He finds himself remembering every single good moment spent in that thing or that place and he does get glassy eyed. He really relies on his friends and loved ones at these times to keep him positive and excited about the things to come, because without that, he could find himself wallowing in those sad moments instead of embracing the future.

Things that hit harder, that are more serious grief-inducing moments, hit Tsuna hard. To use the example of a break-up, Tsuna is really going to feel miserable. He’s really sad about everything and he definitely does cry about it, when he’s alone or at least thinks he is. He doesn’t want anyone else to catch him crying like a baby because of something like that, but at the same time, he can’t keep himself from needing that cry. Everything just feels bad and hopeless and like it will never be happy again.

A running theme, I think Tsuna’s first instinct, in the face of this kind of grief, is again to blame himself for whatever caused that grief. Even if it logically doesn’t make sense, even if others assure him that it wasn’t his fault, he still blames himself. He feels this distinct amount of guilt and pain about it. He makes himself shoulder all the blame for the situation, convinces himself that all the pain he’s feeling is because he failed in some way. He just wasn’t good enough to stop this from happening. There must have been something he did or something he didn’t do that caused this.

It isn’t a feeling that will just go away. There isn’t going to be a day when Tsuna just wakes up and has an epiphany that, no, this wasn’t my fault. I did everything I could. This person leaving me was on them and not on me. That’s not something that will happen to him. That grief will always be there in his brain, and he will always blame himself for the situation that caused the grief. It’s just that, with time, Tsuna will be able to push that grief and blame out of focus. He’ll be able to start coping with it, in his own way, and he’ll start being able to tune it out a little. He’ll go back to being able to live his life, though he won’t live it ever quite the same again. His life, his choices, his attitudes on things will change, even if they change by such a small degree that it’s barely noticeable to anyone besides Tsuna and those who know him best. He’ll learn to not think about the grief as much, with it really only popping up every now and then, when he’ll feel those emotions again just as strong as the day it happened. When he does feel those emotions, over and over again, he becomes better at pushing them away though instead of focusing them, with each time that wound is reopened.

Surprise, surprise, but that habit of blaming himself for situations that make him grief is also very much carried over to the large moments of grief. Those around him dying and leaving him behind makes him not only unbearably sad, but those moments fill him with so much anxiety, guilt, and regret that it’s almost unbearable. By the time those moments start happening, Tsuna has already been trained on how to continue on in his duties, despite the overwhelming waves of emotions that are washing over him, and he does his best for those left behind with him. Honestly, if it wasn’t for that act of needing to be there for those others left behind, if it wasn’t for needing to be strong for them, Tsuna would probably crumble a little in the wake of that amount of grief. He kind of does appreciate having them there, appreciate having something to concentrate on besides his grief, at moments. At other times, he feels burdened by them, though he would never admit it out loud, and feels resentful for not being able to have the choice to wall himself off from everyone and just let the grief run its course.

Someone he loves dying…it’s his fault, obviously. It’s because he either wasn’t strong enough to save them or because he exposed them to danger because of the life he was forced into. In the case of the person dying in a way that could not conceivably be his fault, such as dying from old age, it’s still his fault. It’s his fault he hadn’t expressed more how much he loved and cared about them. It’s his fault he didn’t thank them more for all the things they did for him. It’s his fault for not making every single second they were alive count – how many hours did he waste, for example, he would think when Iemitsu died, hating or being resentful towards his father? How long did he hold out on having any kind of relationship with his father? How many years were wasted in bitterness and hurt feelings instead of letting his father connect with him? There’s all these regrets, all these ‘what-ifs’ in the face of grief and they all feel like they’re about to drown Tsuna in their heaviness.

Much like with the smaller grieving, it’s not so much that Tsuna will come to grips with these thoughts. It’s not that he’ll forgive himself, not entirely. It’s more that, with time and with life continuing to go on, with the expectations on him to keep soldiering on, he learns to live without that person’s presence in his life. He learns to keep going. He learns to find happy moments again that aren’t overshadowed by thoughts of the person. He learns to tuck that person into his heart and his mind. He learns how to come out of the grief still intact, though changed forever by his regrets and sadness. There will be days, months, years he can go without thinking of them, but he’ll still have days, even years after that person’s death, where something will trigger that latent grief he hangs onto inside, and he’ll find himself needing to hide away and cry all over again.

[fictionalmenmistress]

This hurts me deeply in a profound way. I am the essence of Will Graham embodied in real life... I am so much like him, it's insane actually on a personal level. I look like if he were a woman, too. But in her youth, early twenties. My therapist was the only one I ever had in life... that saw me. That deeply understood me, knew me, unlike anyone else. Agreed with me, genuinely. Was the dearest friend in my life. She's much older than me, but grey blondish, straight hair. She was my everything. I wasn't in love with her like Will and Hannibal or anything romantic like that, but I deeply love her and she is an anchor being in my life. She's retiring, and I'm having to lose her. Ethically, I can never see her again. It's painful for us both, she shared that too. She was my Hannibal. I don't know how I am going to live without her in my life, I wanted to share my life with her for the rest of it. I remember sobbing being so thankful to know her, the following week after our first session, because of our immediate mutual kindred connection. She saved my life. She was like the mother I deserve.

This is deeply personal because she always called me a swan, in a small pond of ducks. She always said I was like a swan. Forced to be what they want me to be, when I have limitless capacity. Endless empathy. She saw me more than anyone else, for who and what I am. She always called me a swan. And now I'm sobbing writing this.

Imagine more of an age gap genderbentethical and healthy Will and Hannibal au, where Hannibal was more like the family figure, only one, Will never was given. The truest friend. Safest place. Who didn't use him. That was us. That was us. My heart is so broken. But this post meant a lot to me in multiple ways. Just wanted to share why. 🤍 Again for us it wasn't a romantic love, but, I loved her like the dearest friend in my life. My best friend. Like a profound mother. And she is being taken from me so suddenly. It's just... a mournful time in my life. She is retiring, so she's going to be happy and get to live her life, but I still am not able to ever contact or see her again, nor her contact or reach out to me. She said she'll look for my name in lights. That she has no doubt it will be there, and be thinking of me for the rest of her life, and watching for me. I don't know how I can lose her. I had my last session with her yesterday, and there is still just, so much that was left unsaid. There is still so much time that we needed to have. I never expected to lose her this soon. I only got to know her from February to September, 2024, but... she saved my life. She is the only person in this world that KNEW me. Even in that short of a time of knowing someone. I think I will cry every time I think about this for the rest of my life. I invited her to attend my wedding in the future, whenever that will take place. Only the dearest people in my life are permitted to go. I keep a list, I've had it for years. Coming from a background of going through all types of severe trauma and abuse, there's few people I have been able to have in my life, that haven't abused or hurt me, or caused severe trauma. But she said yes, she will go!!!!! This was a huge win. To see her just once again, to be able to, in a nameless amount of unknown years or time, and be able to see her again. To share the dearest and best day of my life with her there... that provided me with some very needed consolation.

So, the dearest person in my life, my therapist, who was like my Hannibal (platonic love), to me, screen accurate young femme Will Graham personified, she always called me a swan. The most beautiful and great swan in the pond. Saved my life. And I'm losing her in my life. I am so deeply saddened by this. Imagine the bond, and separation. And to see this accuracy, and trueness in my own life... it's profound and breaks my heart.

•.°•.°•°.•°•.°•°.•°.•°•°.•.°•.°•°•.°.•°.•°.•°.•

This was me, I originally shared exactly this there, but it's not a great platform like this is. So I'm taking it here, where it is safe and belongs to be, cherished and understood.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Biden's letter

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

July 21, 2024

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

JUL 22, 2024

“My Fellow Americans,

“Over the past three and a half years, we have made great progress as a Nation.

“Today, America has the strongest economy in the world. We’ve made historic investments in rebuilding our Nation, in lowering prescription drug costs for seniors, and in expanding affordable health care to a record number of Americans. We’ve provided critically needed care to a million veterans exposed to toxic substances. Passed the first gun safety law in 30 years.

Appointed the first African American woman to the Supreme Court. And passed the most significant climate legislation in the history of the world. America has never been better positioned to lead than we are today.

“I know none of this could have been done without you, the American people. Together, we overcame a once in a century pandemic and the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. We’ve protected and preserved our Democracy. And we’ve revitalized and strengthened our alliances around the world.

“It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your President. And while it has been my intention to seek reelection, I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as President for the remainder of my term.

“I will speak to the Nation later this week in more detail about my decision.

“For now, let me express my deepest gratitude to all those who have worked so hard to see me reelected. I want to thank Vice President Kamala Harris for being an extraordinary partner in all this work. And let me express my heartfelt appreciation to the American people for the faith and trust you have placed in me.

“I believe today what I always have: that there is nothing America can’t do—when we do it together. We just have to remember we are the United States of America.”

With this letter, posted on X this afternoon, President Joe Biden announced he would not accept the Democratic nomination for president. So ended the storyline begun after the event on June 27, when Biden appeared unable to respond effectively to Trump’s verbal assaults. Since then, there has been a drumbeat of media stories and some demands from Democratic lawmakers and donors calling for Biden to step aside and refuse to run for a second term. Increasingly, that drumbeat imperiled his reelection, opening the way for Trump’s election to install a dictatorship of Christian nationalism.

In another post shortly after the first, Biden endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris for the presidential nomination, writing: “My fellow Democrats, I have decided not to accept the nomination and to focus all my energies on my duties as President for the remainder of my term. My very first decision as the party nominee in 2020 was to pick Kamala Harris as my Vice President. And it’s been the best decision I’ve made. Today I want to offer my full support and endorsement for Kamala to be the nominee of our party this year. Democrats—it’s time to come together and beat Trump. Let’s do this.”

Harris smoothly took the baton. “On behalf of the American people, I thank Joe Biden for his extraordinary leadership as President of the United States and for his decades of service to our country,” she wrote. “His remarkable legacy of accomplishment is unmatched in modern American history, surpassing the legacy of many Presidents who have served two terms in office.

“It is a profound honor to serve as his Vice President, and I am deeply grateful to the President, Dr. Biden, and the entire Biden family. I first came to know President Biden through his son Beau. We were friends from our days working together as Attorneys General of our home states. As we worked together, Beau would tell me stories about his Dad. The kind of father—and the kind of man—he was. And the qualities Beau revered in his father are the same qualities, the same values, I have seen every single day in Joe’s leadership as President: His honesty and integrity. His big heart and commitment to his faith and his family. And his love of our country and the American people.

“With this selfless and patriotic act, President Biden is doing what he has done throughout his life of service: putting the American people and our country above everything else.

“I am honored to have the President’s endorsement and my intention is to earn and win this nomination. Over the past year, I have traveled across the country, talking with Americans about the clear choice in this momentous election. And that is what I will continue to do in the days and weeks ahead. I will do everything in my power to unite the Democratic Party—and unite our nation—to defeat Donald Trump and his extreme Project 2025 agenda. 

“We have 107 days until Election Day. Together, we will fight. And together, we will win.”

Biden’s announcement ended the month of suspense under which the Democrats have lived, and in the hours since, they appear to be coalescing around Harris with enthusiasm. Those who might have challenged her nomination have stepped up to support her: California governor Gavin Newsom, Pennsylvania governor Josh Shapiro, North Carolina governor Roy Cooper, and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg all backed Harris; Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer said she does not intend to challenge Harris. By tonight, all of the state Democratic Party chairs were on board with Harris. Endorsements continued to pour in. 

So did money. Following Biden’s endorsement of Harris, donors contributed more than $46.7 million to Democratic races before 9:00 p.m., and major donors, who had paused donations to Biden, have said they will contribute to Harris’s campaign. The Biden-Harris team also managed the paperwork to transfer the $95 million in Biden’s campaign coffers to Harris because the money was raised for the ticket, rather than for Biden alone. 

But party rules say that Biden cannot pass his delegates to another candidate, so Harris will have to cement them on her own, as well as the superdelegates, a group of party leaders and former elected officials whose votes carry weight in the convention. As of 10 p.m. on Sunday, she had won 531 of the 1,986 delegates necessary to win the nomination. 

Biden’s decision has left the Republicans in deep trouble, and they are illustrating their dilemma with high-pitched anger that the ticket of their opponents has changed and by insisting that if Biden is not fit for another four-year term he must resign the presidency immediately. House speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) has said he will sue to try to keep Biden in the race; Democratic election litigator Marc Elias responded that “if your lawyers are telling you that they can prevent the D[emocratic] N[ational] C[ommittee] from nominating its candidate of choice, they are idiots. I know a lot about that, since I beat them more than 60x in court after the 2020 election.”

Trump, meanwhile, has posted seven times about Biden since he dropped out of the race. He has ignored Harris. 

The Republicans’ anger reflects that fact that if Biden is off the ticket, they are in yet another pickle. Just last week, the Republicans nominated Donald Trump, who is 78, for president. Having made age their central complaint about Biden, they are now faced with having nominated the oldest candidate in U.S. history, who repeatedly fell asleep at his own nominating convention as well as his criminal trial, who often fumbles words, and who cannot seem to keep a coherent train of thought. Democrats immediately pounced on Trump with all the comments Republicans had been making about Biden. Republicans have already suggested that Trump will not debate Harris, a former prosecutor. 

With 39-year-old Ohio senator J.D. Vance now their vice presidential nominee, it will be tempting for Republicans to push Trump out of the presidential slot. But aside from the fury that would evoke from Trump loyalists, it would further alienate women from the Republican ticket. Republicans were already losing voters over their overturning of the Supreme Court’s 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that recognized the constitutional right to abortion, so many that Trump has recently tried to sound as if he is moderating his stance on abortion and to appeal to women in other ways. Just this weekend at a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Trump appeared to be courting suburban women by promising to “stop the plunder, rape, slaughter and destruction of our American suburbs and cities” he implied had taken place under Biden. (In fact, violent crime has decreased significantly since 2020.)

Vance is an extremist who supports a national abortion ban, has said he does not believe in exceptions for rape or incest in abortion bans, and has praised women who stay in abusive marriages. 

Biden’s decision not to accept the Democratic presidential nomination has created yet another conspicuous contrast with Trump. Thanks for a job well done and praise for his statesmanship have been pouring out ever since Biden made his announcement—indeed, they have apparently convinced some people that he has stepped down from the job altogether, while in fact he will remain the president for another six months.

Among others, Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin called Biden “an extraordinary guardian of America’s national security,” thanked him for his leadership and statesmanship, and called him “one of our great foreign-policy presidents.” President Lyndon B. Johnson’s daughters called him “a patriot without peer” and said, “we love you and thank you for your selfless service to all who love democracy, social justice and the rule of law.” 

For all the accolades, though, it is likely that the one the family-oriented president values most came from his son Hunter, whom the Republicans hammered for years as a proxy for his father.

“For my entire life, I’ve looked at my dad in awe,” the younger Biden wrote. “How could he suffer so much heartache and yet give so much of whatever remained of his heart to others? Not only in the policies he passed, but in the individual lives he’s touched…. That unconditional love has been his North Star as a President, and as a parent. He is unique in public life today in that there is no distance between Joe Biden the man and Joe Biden the public servant of the last 54 years. I’m so lucky every night I get to tell him I love him, and to thank him. I ask all Americans to join me tonight in doing the same.” 

In a time of dictators, Trump tried to overthrow the results of the 2020 presidential election and install himself in power against the wishes of the people. President Joe Biden voluntarily turned away from reelection in order to give the people a better shot at preserving our democracy. 

He demonstrated what it means to put the country first.

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[empty-dream]

Just watched Orb: On the Movements of the Earth

Anime about heliocentrism.

Yes I know that sounds boring and at first I was like, "An anime about heliocentrism? What, are they gonna animate ancient classes discussing it?" then I recalled "Wait, wasn't the church really against heliocentrism so they, like, thrased Galileo and others for supporting it?"

Yeah that's basically the plot.

Story time! My first contact with this show was with a tweet that said "this is the hidden gem of the season!" to which I was ok maybe I'll check it out later. I forgot about the tweet but later, I saw the OP credit MV for the show and watched it (simply because I was looking for a new song to listen to) and iT WAS GOOD, like HAUNTING GOOD.

The OP gave me the impression that it is some epic historical work like Vinland Saga, just mellower with far less action scenes. I remembered that tweet right then and decided to watch the series immediately. This was when there were still 2 episodes.

THANK GOD I didn't decide to read the manga until episode 3 was out because GODDAMN EPISODE 3 SLAPPED ME HARD.

It was right then when I realized what this story is actually about and why the OP credit is like that. Even the OP and ED credit in EP4 are modified slightly to reflect the shift in the story.

Copernicus, the father of heliocentrism, probably was able to avoid inquisition only because he delayed his publication and died soon after. (And apparently it was so technical only advanced astronomers could understand, clever move but also typical academia.) And it was more than 50 years later until Galileo openly supported his idea and got the church hot on his tail. 50+ years. You'd think there are a lot of things happening in that time. A lot, generation after generation, until mankind could accept the truth.

I won't say more on this post so I'll leave it at that.

I love Rafal so much lmao he's such lovable little shit.

By the way, the series' title is probably a homage to Copernicus' heliocentrism work "De revolutionibus orbium coelestium (On the Revolutions of the Heavenly Spheres)." As for "Orb", the Japanese title uses the katakana "チ" (Chi) which in kanji is also how you say "地" (earth/ground), "知" (wisdom/knowledge) and "血" (blood). These are all connected in the story. Incredibly clever and deep word play, I must say.

I am so conflicted like I want to read the manga ASAP but the anime is so profound and well-directed that I just want to keep watching it with full anticipation without knowing what's gonna happen. I'm so gonna suffer and be insufferable again every week.

*frothing at the mouth* Sakanaction, when will you release Kaiju full version????????

I love Yorushika's Aporia chirpy melody at the beginning of the song. It sounds like a child song, but the lyrics is basically a poetic story of curiousity towards the unknown.

*frothing at the mouth even more* OOOH SO THAT AMAZARASHI'S CASSIOPEIA MOORING MV COLLAB WAS WITH THIS SERIES????!!! If Amazarashi got their hands on it then it must have been some philosophical heavy hitter. Source=trust me.

Please tell me there will be a second cour just so Amazarashi can sing on the second cour too

Tl;Dr: Flat earthers have it easy, back in the day you got burned at stake for saying something different about the universe.

[ohmuqueen]

231031 levinchk instagram update Taemin ‘GUILTY’

So I want to talk about the various reactions I've seen to the people Taemin is interacting with in the MV trailer, MV teasers, and the MV itself.

I'm actually surprised that anyone would be stunned that this moment above in the MV is Taemin touching a man, not a woman. Everything leading up to the MV had Taemin being touched and surrounded by men (to my eyes, younger men or men around his age). As these tags by @jaythajujubae say, everyone Taemin is intimate with in the MV is male, while he mainly dances with women. (very bicon of him I agree)

And in this analysis on twitter (I shared the whole thread here) saying that Guilty is the prequel to Advice, op points out something very telling -

Here op is saying that in MV teaser #1, Taemin is looking at a younger version of himself, which is a view I saw others echo - that this person here is a younger Taemin, and that this scene reflects the innocence he had in his early years in the idol industry - the entire concept of Guilty is heavily focused on corruption of innocence.

But when I first saw MV teaser #1, I had these thoughts that I posted on 10/27:

The person who may be the object of Taemin’s affection in the MV teaser seems to present in a genderless way, and I feel like that’s purposeful… especially based on what we see in the trailer (everyone has short hair, 3 are dressed similarly to Taemin in the beginning shot when they’re playing in the water, and some are petite, making it difficult to say if they’re male or female)

Because to me, this person looks more female than male, and I believe a point is being made here (again I will link to this video about the sexualization and feminization of Taemin, detailing what he went through all through his career as an idol, including when he was a minor - what he did with Move was pivotal to how he perceived himself as an artist, reclaiming what others had tried to dictate for him):

After reflecting a little, and seeing how others took the younger person above as a young Taemin, the phrase "object of affection" lingered in my head. Whether this person represents young Taemin or someone Taemin cares for and later feels guilt about, the meaning is the same. Corruption of innocence. The character Taemin represents in this comeback is both someone who has been corrupted and someone who has ruined others. As we see in the MV trailer and also the MV, he is forced to shoot a gun at someone begging for mercy - from an authority completely indifferent to both their suffering.

Going back to the twitter thread about Guilty prefacing Advice, in MV teaser #1 Taemin could be looking back at a younger self surrounded by older men, whereas when he is forced to commit violence in the MV trailer, he is dressed as if he is younger than he is and surrounded by younger men. To me, the first scenario reflects a view of his younger self in the idol industry, and the second scenario reflects a view of his recent self during his military conscription.

Another speculation, what if the person he is being forced to shoot represents his younger self? We aren't shown that person's face on purpose. They are representative of a bigger concept - loss of innocence, and loss of that self who possessed such innocence. Just like the quote (the first line which is on Taemin's insta), from Hermann Hesse:

"The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas.”

And now theories of this quote being personified by Taemin in the MV (put out on twitter and reddit, which I shared here) have been proven true by the Guilty MV's director - 231030 Guilty MV director Byul Yun instagram update:

credit to @nso-csi for sharing this here!

So ultimately, I think Taemin choosing to be intimate, sometimes manhandled, by men in the MV is a choice that makes a profound point. The moment in the MV that's being shown in the first picture on this post, Taemin sings this line: "Give up, you’re trapped inside me". I believe in parts of this song, Taemin is speaking of himself. Parts of his identity that society used to deny him to express that he gives free reign to now, through this lens of exploring the border between what is provocative and what is disturbing.

I haven't even gone into more imagery the MV provides us plus the lyrics. But the opening scene itself gives a hint that this concept also touches on the idea of forbidden love, i.e. queer relationships.

These are the opening lines of the song:

Poison apple Spellbound, you wanna take a bite Hand outstretched In danger, sinking deeper

During the last line "in danger, sinking deeper", we get this shot:

If you look closely, I am almost sure the person on the left is the same person Taemin is focused on in the pillow fight scene in MV teaser #1. And the person on the right looks female. To me, that person on the left appears genderless, or nonbinary. Taemin himself has said he embraces a genderless expression in his art. Just like with Advice, I think with Guilty he is saying that he embraces an identity that goes against societal expectations for male idols (and male music artists in general). With Guilty I think he's also embracing a love that makes the audience feel guilty (something I also talked about in rambling not-really-an-essay here, after the second MV teaser photos came out).

How exactly Guilty links to queer relationships is a deeper conversation than I can manage (and this post is already very long), but I hope someone does, because I think the potential for such a connection is there.

I do not think Taemin is giving queerness itself negative connotations. I feel that he is drawing a parallel between queer love and a relationship with the (queer) self. I think a lot of concepts are coexisting in Guilty, and the fact that this comeback has resulted in so many theories and interpretations is proof of that.

This verse that Taemin named as his favorite in the song keeps standing out to me:

I want you to lose yourself That’s what’ll make our love easy Just doing things my own way The bigger the pain, the sweeter it remains

~

Edit (November 2, 2023):

I'm just gonna leave these here:

[16woodsequ]

NOT THE CABIN!!!!

your first headcanon is my canon because from agents of shield it sounds like steve lived in the cabin soon after he came out of the ice, and by the time the battle of new york comes around it's already been a year. he must have felt so lost and unwanted and abandoned when they took him to a place like that 😭

steve being stressed out when he meets the avengers because he doesn't want to be forced back to the cabin oh my god. i have to think about this nonstop for the rest of the year i look forward to rejoining society in 2025

the fact that shield/hydra had this cabin as well as that armoured van with supersoldier-sized shackles is so unsettling AAHH

(response to this post)

HEHEHEHE When I tell you I cackled getting this ask, because I love spreading Steve-cabin angst!!

I agree! It does sound like Steve went to the cabin soon after the ice. (Although I headcanon that Avengers was actually very soon after Steve woke up, I know the wake up scene was in a movie released in 2011 and the movies are supposed to happen when they were released, but in some of the deleted scenes for Avengers Steve is confused about wi-fi and he's looking over files of the dead Howling Commandos and his apartment is so bare, and just the way he acts like he hasn't been out for long, I tend to headcanon Avengers is soon after he came out of this ice. But! That doesn't really change the cabin headcanon, besides shoving two traumatic things closer together.)

Either way I think the cabin has a huge impact on Steve in Avengers. I think it's part of why he acts the way he does, and why he's repressing everything so much and playing the role of Captain America Super Soldier. Is it no wonder Steve reactions to Coulson's death the way he does? Tony is visibly upset and lashes out because he thinks Steve is acting like he should brush it off because their soldiers (Is this the first time you've lost a soldier? We're not soldiers) but I think Steve was equally effected, especially since Fury threw the bloody baseball cards in as a further emotional barb. But Steve keeps everything inside. He keeps it all locked down, and I have got to believe it's partially due to his experience with the cabin and whatever kind of twisted mental health screening he got from SHIELD after coming out of the ice.

He's not about to give anyone any more reason to send him back to the cabin to help him adjust to the future. I think that cabin had a profound impact on Steve's willingness to reach out to people and I think it made him reflexively cling to the only other option he was presented with: SHIELD. Which is exactly what SHIELDRA wanted.

Anyway, if you want an in depth look at cabin angst, I just finished a fic about it: Ice and Empty Spaces. Eventually this will lead to a Tony and Steve friendship, but first, angst.

[jkl-fff]

what was your inspo for the daily asks? i love them btw

Thanks for the ask and the interest! I'm delighted to hear you and others enjoy them so much. Makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile.

As a general project, Silly Game Time was inspired by a few things.

First, for a while before I started it, I would see a certain kind of post lamenting deteriorations in Tumblr's culture over the years. In particular, how there used to be a much more vibrant and fun practice of sending asks to each other (whether it was numbers or symbols based on a list of questions someone reblogged, participating with someone's fandom-based and roleplay-driven ask blog, copy-pasted bits of positivity and encouragement, and so on). These posts always made me feel a bit nostalgic. I would think, "Yeah, I miss those days, too. Wish they would come back ..."

Second, was a desire to find something I can actually do to make the world a little bit better. You may have noticed that things aren't particularly fantastic on this planet right now (what with several active genocides, extreme weather disasters driven by manmade climate change, pollution and extermination and deforestation ravaging nature, a rise in rightwing ideologies across the globe leading to a resurgence in violent prejudices, mega-corporate exploitation causing the quality and length of life to decrease, AND studios keep canceling all the good shows while streaming services delete them). But I am only one man living below the poverty line. Which begged the question of what I really could actually do.

Third, numerous people in my life remark fairly frequently that I'm a funny, thought-provoking guy (why, yes, I shall toot my own horn, thank you kindly for the invitation to go off on an extended, jazz solo). That I've a talent for making others laugh and giving them something interesting or creative or even profound to consider.

Then one day (186 days ago, to be precise--I know with precision because I've kept a list of all the SGTs I've posed, and have managed to keep SGT running consecutively since then), all these synapses fired at the same time. And the ideas clicked together:

Tumblr wasn't going to change back on its own, and as they say, "Change starts with me." I had to be the change I wanted to see in the Tumblr world by sending asks myself (a bit like if you want to see more people reblogging art and commenting on fics and all that, you have to make sure you're doing it, too). Something I could actually do in the face of so much doom and gloom in the world was to use my talent for humor and profundity to spread some light-hearted, mind-engaging fun. At least in my own little corner of the world, as far out as I can reach. Like a single ray sunshine on a cloudy day, it might not change the overall weather, but at least it might make things a bit more bearable emotionally in the meantime for those who see it. It's a little thing, perhaps inconsequential ... but then again, perhaps not so inconsequential for the people who feel they have nothing. After all, we're a species that uses little things to survive hard times.

What is hope if not a little thing?

ANYWHO! For specific asks, inspiration comes from anything and everything. Whatever sparks an idea, I'll immediately try to make note of it to use later. It certainly helps that I not only can be silly with it, but am indeed striving to be silly with it. For silliness has infinite variety. That's why it might just save humankind.

Thanks again for the ask! And if you like the idea, feel free to take part in it. Copy-paste the question and ask others who you think might enjoy it, too. I certainly won't object to this rippling outward. Or send ones that you think up yourself. Why the heck not? Everybody could use some more light-hearted fun, right?

[wachtelspinat]

hi! i found your blog like an hour ago (though i've been familiar with your art for a /long/ time; when i read that ask you got earlier about you being THE tf2 artist, i thought to myself, "wow, really? the only tf2 art i can think of that's deserving of that description is [vividly pictures YOUR fanart]" -- so when i checked your art tag it was genuinely like encountering a celebrity, heh. all this to say, you really ARE The TF2 Artist. it's an honor to finally properly follow your blog :]). i've been reading your posts about your personal journeys (both physical and emotional/self-conceptual) and i've just been... really really moved by it all? your openness with feeling disconnected with your art, and then how you've slowly come to reconnect with it in a new way and restructure it back into your life... it just fills me with so much catharsis and hope. because life is hectic and things change so much and the way that one creates art as an adult is going to be different than how one created art as a teenager... so to see you acknowledge that fact and then share your own journey? ahh god like i said... it's really profound. i'm a lot younger than you (i turn 20 next month, actually!), so you've experienced so much more to life than me, and hearing how you've struggled with and then gotten out of so many of the fears that i have is just... deeply, deeply inspiring to me. especially your latest posts about your time in australia, and how it's always been something you've wanted to do but spent so many years stuck/anxious/stagnant... and how now you've finally actually *done it* and it's *real* and that you had the most amazing incredible time that exceeded all your expectations?!?! and not only that, but how finally achieving this thing you've always wanted changes the narrative of how you previously defined yourself... that now maybe you ARE the sort of person who can do the things you love and have the things that make you happy... maybe i'm projecting too much here heh god but my point is. it just made me very emotional and so VERY very utterly elated for you :'] and just augh. i am so glad you've had this incredible experience. and like i've said half a dozen times by now (because it's just so true) it is just. so inspiring to me. everything you've shared with such honesty and humanity has been just so profoundly moving to see and it fills me with so much hope. thank you for sharing your journey with us, and thank you as always, past and present and future, for your art. i hope this message isn't too terribly parasocial, and if it is, i apologize ;_; and i hope you're having a lovely day!!!

hey there !

this kind of hit me like a truck but in the most positive way, and i am not exaggerating when i say what you wrote also brought me to tears.

first of all thanks for your generous words regarding my art and sdkjfhkjas i still cannot wrap my head around the idea that you (and at least one other person) thinks about me as THE tf2 artist because... i like my art just fine, it's just there are other folks out there, with their almost god-like tf2 art, meanwhile i just spammed y'all with my sniperxspy art and some random silly stuff over the years... but i love it, so thank you so so much, the thought that you guys dig my art this much will always knock me right off my feet in the most positive way 🧡🧡🧡

ok so, the next part took me a while to formulate because how do i respond to such a heartfelt message in a way that shows my gratitude just right? like i want to thank you again for reaching out and writing all this, but also for taking your time and reading through my blog. i know that everything i post here is open to the internet and a lot of ppl, so sharing personal information (in form of updates in life) is not always the best idea. but i always admired ppl on here that were able to reflect on their lives and share what they've learned. even if it's just somethig as simple as "and after each day comes another and it will be different, for the worse or the better, but different at least", which, falling on the right ears at a specific time, can change perspective (it did for me on multiple occasions, this and other takes, because hearing from ppl who go through similar things is a sad reality, but also such a connecting experience). so in a way, sharing is caring, and so talking about life experiences, especially when they are kind of abstract, like art blocks, depressions, can really open some unexpected doors.

so what also happened after being open about vulnerable situations in life was ppl reaching out. and this was really something that left me so speechless. i had several ppl who took their time and wrote to me about their experiences and ways of coping strategies and other helpful actions. and sometimes they just acknowledged what i wrote which was such a warm gesture that made me feel seen. and i cannot put into words how much that meant to me when i felt at my lowest a few years back. let's be honest for a second, on here we hardly know each other, even if we are mutuals, but that doesn't stop us from reaching out to one another because that is such a big part of the human experience.

sorry for rambling but it is hard, at least for me, just trying to fully grasp it all. it makes me so happy to read that catching up on the things i wrote about my life resonated with you on a deeper level and that it gave you something back in exchange - catharsis and hope. i am deeply touched by your words and your ability to grasp the essence of what i tried to convey, it feels almost surreal to have it summarized and reflected so clearly when my original thoughts were scattered all over my blog over a span of multiple months, years even. like, really, thank you so much for all of this, the time and thoughts you put into your message, your genuine expression of your feelings and joy on my behalf, it means a lot and i fail to put my thanks into words, idk... i feel seen again. and no worries, i don't think this is too parasocial, after all i put my thoughts out there, and you just happened to read them 🧡

so again and again, thank you so much, and i also hope you have a lovely day <3

[askfallenroyalty]

my thoughts on finishing AFR (tumblr version)

Firstly, thank you all so, so so much for reading.

5 years ago, on February 19th, 2018, 2:24 PM I posted the first AFR comic. I drew it thinking it'd be a nice little project for a few months, and then I'd move on. Little did I know it'd become a huge passion project and something that's brought me many, many tears and laughter. It's been a journey making this thing, I can easily say I am hardly the person I am when I first made this. I've learned so much about myself, the world, and what I wanted to say in comics.

AFR didn't become a serious project until I realized Asriel and Chara's story hit home to me and I realized I had something more profound to say than just "heehee silly ut comic where siblings squabble." Now it's become a story about growing up, and the life after the "happy ever after." What does it mean for "everybody to live?" well, you live. You suffer. You cry and laugh and it's everything you want and you fear. You wake up another day.

It's no secret that Chara and Asriel are heavily based on myself. Every OC and every character I can put my grubby little hands on have been influenced by me. Yun's excitement for monsters, Mew Mew's loud declarations of frenzied thought, Hol's quiet, head-in-the-clouds nature... the list goes on. Knowing the characters now, I'm excited for the redraw as I can paint their stories from start-to-finish properly. It pains me more than anything I can't just say "here's a finished product, fully and forever." But one step to getting there was finally finishing the tumblr version. So even if I were to die, or lose my ability to draw, I can say: I told my story. I made it real. It's messy, incomplete, and not at all what I aspire it to be, but it's here. And that means, so, so much to me.

Never again will I be accepting story asks. Never again will we see what crazy thing Asriel and Chara are up to in their journey into adulthood. While the story will continue to develop, it has it's ending.

I've grown, a lot. I started this when I was 21 years old. I've had a on/off relationship, I've learned I'm neurodivergent, I've moved out of my abusive dad's home. I've had so many jobs in that time. I lived through the pandemic (not that it's over) and I've made and lost (out of touch) friends along the way. I am Sam. I drew AFR. I still have so much left to do to make it fully realized but I did it.

And in that time people have offered me grammar and spelling corrections. Advice, suggestions, fanart. You've sent like, I can only imagine to be at least a thousand asks in this amount of time. You guys have been a huge part in this comic being made. Even as the story moves more and more away from the "Ask" part of the title, you guys made it so much more fun, thought provoking, and exciting.

So while my minds a bit scattered and I'm kinda jumbled up, I just want to say with every bit of myself: THANK YOU!!!!!

I understand if many of you don't choose to stick around for the redraw, I'm more than thankful to anyone who's read this far (or heck, just one tumblr post is enough. I feel seen.) and if you so choose to stay, I look forward to sharing a million more little moments with you. ^_^

Thank you and I wish you the very best, have a good life. Peace and love on the planet earth <3