#wanna reply to these messages in my inbox too but it's like. is my brain functioning well enough to Voice Thoughts rn......................

[mattodore]

my eyes are burning and i could only manage to sleep for two hours even tho i knowww my body has to be tired.................. so here i am on simblr going thru everyone's blogs :)

[bunnyreaper]

𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 𝔞 𝔰𝔬𝔞𝔭 𝔪𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝖕𝖙 1 — 𝖕𝖙 2 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 wc - 5.7k warnings - 18+/nsfw, dom sub dynamic, eventual romance/smut, medium burn? notes - first part of my owner!soap x pet!reader, woohoo! i already regret writing something centered around texting and calling lmao, crying!! the formatting is killing me!! anyway, also on ao3! and if you wanna send a request, pls do! ♥

Lonely girl looking for owner. 

Posting on this subreddit again was probably a mistake—but a deep-down part of you clings to the hope that this time will be the time you find someone, the time you get to go home to him. 

At least this time, you'll be better at spotting the signs right off the bat—if only you can take off the rose-tinted glasses long enough to take note.

Your inbox is flooded with the usual kinds of messages—unsolicited pictures, low-effort one-sentence wonders, and so-called doms jumping straight to the part where they call you a nasty whore with no actual consideration for the person you are. 

You're just about to give up, delete the post, and ignore all chat requests when a message arrives in your inbox. 

From: squeakycleanscot 

Subject: Lonely guy looking for girl

Hi,

Saw your post and knew I had to message. You sound like everything I'm looking for and more.

I'm a little younger than the age you put on your post, but I think I fit your other requirements. I'm 27, Scottish (yes, with the accent), and in the army, I hope that's a turn-on rather than a turn-off.

When I'm not deployed, I like cosy nights in, preferably with my love by my side. Don't mind a night at the pub either, especially if there's a Celtic match on, not that anywhere near here shows them. 

I'm looking for something longer term like you mentioned (would love to collar my girl one day, which is probably ironic considering I'm a wee bit scared of dogs.)

Happy to send a picture if you'd like :) 

Hope to hear from you soon, 

Johnny.

Johnny. 

You reread the message, turning his words over in your mind. 

Something about his message has your attention—it at least suggests he has a brain in his head and a heart capable of empathy, and that maybe he's serious. 

You begin typing your reply instantly, your fingers moving so fast you have to type and retype so many parts to rid the message of all of the overexcited mistakes.

hi johnny, 

scottish?! is it bad im already imagining how your dirty talk will sound? 

it's funny, i always wanted to join the army growing up, but it never worked out. maybe it's for the best as now i'm not immune to enjoying a hot man in uniform... which I'm assuming you are ;) 

cosy nights in are my favourite too! I'm a bit of a homebody and love being snuggled up more than anything. i have to let you know in advance that you have some stiff competition in the form of my giant teddy bear, barnaby. 

i'm looking for something longer term too, or at least not a one night kind of thing—a collar one day would be the dream <;3 

if you send a picture, ill send one back, nothing sexy just yet though, if that's okay? 

have you met up with someone off here before? just curious about your experiences! 

y/n

As soon as the message is sent, the overthinking kicks in—was that too much? Is he going to think you're weird? 

You shuffle in bed, turning over between the sheets and trying to flick through other apps as you wait for a reply—otherwise, you'd just be staring at the notifications bar waiting for that silly little robot face to pop up. 

Johnny doesn't leave you waiting long, only a few minutes passing from your last message.

Maybe you'll find out sooner rather than later just how my dirty talk sounds ;) 

I tried to sneak in before I was old enough, but they caught on. Served since I was 18 though, you'll have a lot of stories ready from me if you're ever willing to listen. Not sure if the uniform is anything like you're thinking though, in my unit it's mostly just t-shirts, tac vests and trousers. 

I'll prepare my best snuggling arms for if we ever meet. You should inform Barnaby now about his replacement, mind. 

Can't not send a sexy photo though, sorry lass, all my pictures are. I'm sure you understand, lol

Haven't met anyone, had a few conversations but nothing worth pursuing, and had kind of given up until I saw your post. 

His message is the perfect mix of sexy, sweet, and sincere—and if that is the essence of the man, you know he's everything you're looking for. 

You try not to think too hard about a hot Scottish accent calling you all your favourite names or telling you exactly what to do, or even those stories he has to tell, as the idea is all too exciting. 

Reading his message, you instinctively reach out to pat Barnaby when you see he may end up replaced—hopefully the poor bear will understand when he has to vacate the bed for this sexy soldier man. 

looking forward to it. can I start putting in requests now for bedtime stories too?

i still wanna see, maybe in your sexy-not-sexy pic? 

barnaby will be devastated by the news, and you may have to give him hugs too (but not for too long, or i'll get lonely!!!)

same here, about things not going anywhere... or people turning out to be a bit scary, so you're not allowed to let me down, okay? 

Maybe the last part of the message was too much, but your heart is already soaring with unbridled hope—along with that hope comes doubt too. 

Each second waiting for a reply drags, and you take to re-reading his messages and clicking on his profile to investigate. 

It's largely empty of posts, but there are tons of comments across different communities—including his aforementioned football team, r/Scotland, and eyebleach. 

Clearly, he's a softie at heart. 

When his next message comes through, it's an Imgur link with a short message. 

Here we go, a few months old though now. Don't have anything more recent from work :) 

You take a moment or two to steady yourself before you tap the link. While you definitely feel like you and Johnny have already started to click, if he's not your type then it probably won't go anywhere... 

It's a situation you've been in before—great conversation, similar interests but no physical attraction, and back then you didn't have the heart to break it off straight away.

You tap the link and are greeted by a full-body shot of a tall, well-built man in tactical clothes. His hair is a neatly trimmed mohawk, and while his face isn't crystal clear, he's clearly fucking handsome. His biceps bulge from the gray tee stretched over his torso, his large hands are covered with gloves and grasping a gun.

Your eyes trail to his long legs, thick thighs encased in camo and strapped with various holsters. All in all, the picture is perfect. You find yourself zooming in desperately to get a better look at his face, the handsome jaw lined with stubble that you can already imagine between your legs. The whole image and every new detail has you squirming in your bed, and cheekily wishing to save the image to your phone.

holyfwucj 

holy fuck 

Like what you see? 

i need a hug from you urgently. 

now i feel shy... 

It had crossed your mind ever so slightly that Johnny may be out of your league, or that he simply may not be attracted to someone like you, which would be a complete shame. Now you've set eyes on him, you want him even more—want to kneel at those feet and stare up at his hulking figure while he tugs on a leash around your neck. 

Hopefully, just like you, he'll be smitten from the first glance. 

Scrolling through your camera roll, you decide you don't exactly love any recent photos of yourself. The ones at your last work event have you looking far too corporate, and the only image from your last night out was taking in a bathroom mirror in the local Wetherspoons—neither of which is ideal. 

You crawl out from the warmth of your sheets, kneeling on the end of the bed and posing as you point your camera in the mirror that sits across the room and captures you perfectly. Before you start snapping, you adjust your top to make sure too much isn't on display, even though it's strappy and cropped, and definitely a little bit more on the tantalising side as far as your pyjamas go. 

Hopefully, Johnny likes the pose and the outfit... and you. You can see your smiling face just to the side of your phone as you press to capture the picture—and when you return to your inbox to send the picture link, a message is waiting for you. 

I already know you're gorgeous. Don't leave me hanging, bonnie. 

okay. this is me now, all ready for bed!! 

Holy fuck yourself.

And I'm assuming that's Barnaby in the background. 

If he notices the pose, he doesn't comment on it, instead delighting your heart by commenting on Barnaby instead.

sure is! he's ready for snuggles and sleep. 

Can you do me a favour? 

That message makes your heart skip because usually when something like that is asked, it's followed with a request for nudes or something sexual—and while that is a large part of something like this, you crave the connection first, crave someone actually sticking around and getting to know you. 

depends on what it is!

Tell Barnaby to keep looking after you until I get there, yeah? 

does that mean you're coming for me?

One day, if we're both lucky.

seems promising so far, Johnny. 

Get some sleep, yeah? Maybe tomorrow night I'll give you a bell. 

The idea of this conversation ending is heart-wrenching, but at least sleep will bring you closer to that possible phone call. Hearing his voice, now that will be even more incredible. 

how do you expect me to sleep after telling me that? so mean! 

Patience, bonnie. Be good for me? 

You clench, your thighs squeezing together as arousal rushes through you. It's like he knows exactly how far to go, what buttons to press, what you're looking for.

It's the right kind of commanding, toeing the line perfectly between flirtatious and in charge. A lot of guys you've talked to have rushed it made commands too early, and sent you running. Johnny's words, be good for me? You can't help but want to behave. 

okay, but I see how this is going to be :( 

Bet you look so fucking good with a pout ;) 

now you're just being a cruel tease, Johnny... 

Sorry, I'll stop. Sleep, yeah, for me?

cuddling up to barnaby now. 

You decide to attach another picture, your eyes screwed shut and cheeks squished as you wrap yourself around the bear and cuddle up under the sheets. 

talk tomorrow?

Of course, bonnie, sweet dreams <;3 

You lock your phone, your eyes feeling relieved as they adjust to the darkness. 

For a brief moment, you just clutch your phone to your chest and recall the picture Johnny had sent, how much you'd love to be wrapped up in his arms tonight. 

He's the only thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep.

-//-

Your dreams are tumultuous, starting off with a nightmare of being chased and chased until your legs give out, only for you to find salvation and safety in a stranger's arms—one who seemed vaguely familiar. 

The first thing you do when you wake is roll over to check your phone, elation overtaking you when you see a notification from Johnny already waiting there—already he's blessing you with a good morning message.

Good morning, sweet girl.

Attached under the picture is another image link, and clicking on it brings up an absolutely gorgeous picture of Johnny, lazing in bed. There's just enough light in the room for you to see the brightness of his eyes that you couldn't see before—his mohawk is mussed, and his smile is easy, drawing you in. 

He's even more handsome in this up close photo, you can only imagine what he looks like in person, right before you. 

morning Johnny <3 how did you sleep? 

Like a baby. Yourself? 

not the best, but I swear you were in my dream. 

Sorry to hear that, but oh already? What did I do? 

I mean, it was a bulky guy with a mohawk but he didn't have your name, I think it was meant to be you though. 

You recall the safety you felt in the arms of the strange figure, it was serene, and everything you hope to feel when you find the one—hopefully that's Johnny.

My dreams were shite, you didn't show up. 

i'll try harder to be there tonight!! 

Promise? 

promise. 

God, he's so fucking sweet. It's hard to imagine he's into all the things you mentioned in your initial post, at least right now. But you're all too familiar with how appearances can be deceiving—you wonder what else your sweet Scot is into. 

You peel back the covers and head out into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on mindlessly as you keep your eyes fixated on the screen—not wanting to be even a minute late to answering Johnny's texts, even though it seems there's a natural lull in the conversation. 

You return your focus to making your tea, and your thoughts don't drift from Johnny for even a moment, as you ponder ways to keep the conversation going. Admittedly, you have a million and one questions you want, but you don't want to come across too... eager? clingy? Like some serial killer fiending for information? 

It's crazy the way your heart yearns for him so soon—and it's crazy the way that you wish he feels the same as you do. You wonder how his day is going, and if he's staring at your phone waiting for your message.

With tea brewed, you set it on the coffee table and flop onto the plush couch, rushing to open the app when a new notification pops up.

What's your plan for the day? 

lazy day, binge-watching... texting you? wbu? 

I have to work for a bit, but I'll message you when I can. 

On a weekend? That's horrible, but I imagine they run a tight ship over there. 

You rush to follow up your message with something else. 

will you still be able to call tonight? 

Aye, give me your number, I'll save it! 

You send off your number and don't hear anything from Johnny for a good few hours. You pass the time watching one of your favourite shows, and trying to resist the urge to go scroll down Johnny's profile once more.  

The next time a message pops up, it's well past lunch.

Cute profile pic on whatsapp.

Johnny has clearly added your number to his contacts and spied your picture on the app. You blush thinking of him seeing you in that costume—especially after he knows what you're into.

it was Halloween, I swear!! 

You make an adorable little kitten, lass.

imagination running wild now? ;) 

Aye, but I'm a gent. 

hopefully not always...

Oh, you'll see. Talk to you tonight, kitty. 

talk to you then &lt;;3 

Now you're just itching, waiting for the hours to crawl by for Johnny's workday to end, so you can talk to him again, so you can finally hear his voice. 

What will it sound like saying your name? Whispering sweet nothings in your ears? 

The hours pass slowly until a different notification lights up your phone as you cuddle into your sheets.

Hey, it's Johnny! Just got home. 

You scramble to click on the pop-up, spying his own profile picture in the corner—tapping on it to view it closer. 

It's the Johnny you recognise, smiling wide with his arm slung around another man. He looks so ridiculously happy, probably due to the pint in his other hand. The more you look at him, the more you can't believe you're talking to this man, that he wants to talk to you. 

You quickly add him to your contacts, putting a heart next to his name, before you return to the chat and begin to type.

i'm not the only one with a cute pfp!! 

Three sheets to the wind in that picture, actually.

i can tell &lt;3

Ready to call? 

whenever you're ready!

The image of him floods your screen, the screen pulsing as it waits for you to accept. Your fingers tremble as you press the button, and you fall silent as you press the phone to your ear, nerves gripping at your throat. 

"Hi, bonnie." His voice drifts from the phone speaker, sweet like honey and warm like sunshine, with that gorgeous accent too. 

"Hi." You squeak out, silently cursing at yourself for being so nervous and seemingly unable to speak. 

A melodic laugh follows your words, amused but not cruel or mocking. "Are you nervous?" His voice is soothing, his concern and sweet nature evident. 

You cradle your burning cheek, feeling the way your blush spreads across your smiling face. "Just a little, can you blame me?" 

He's laughing again, and you hear a shuffling noise that suggests he's getting comfortable. "Don't be, I'll look after yer, I promise." 

Fuck. You could get used to hearing that. "I really like your voice." You admit, whispering into the phone with a ridiculous grin on your face. 

"I like yours too, you sound so sweet." 

You drop your voice lower, giggling mischievously. "Only sometimes." 

"That's what I like ta hear." The way Johnny's voice dips as he says that has your insides fluttering, but you can only assume he's returning the favour. His tone returns to its usual charming tone as he asks, "How was your lazy day?" 

"Well, I kind of spent a fair bit of it distracted, thinking about this important call I was going to have tonight..." 

"Oh aye, I should get off the phone so you can wait then." 

"Funny. How was yours? What do you even do day to day, anyway?" You ask, voice brimming with curiosity—there are so many things you want to ask, but you imagine his job can be secretive. 

"Lots of training, and sometimes paperwork, which is right shite." 

"Not when you don't have someone under the desk keeping you company." You laugh, taking the chance to flirt. If you were into Johnny after reading his messages, actually hearing his voice is only making your attraction soar. 

A quiet fuck can be heard, as the man on the end of the phone heaves out a breath. "I'll have ta look into getting you clearance if you keep talking like that, lass." 

"Glad to be of service, what can I say?" You find yourself in a giggle fit at your own silliness, a mix of nerves and joy at enjoying yourself so much.

"God, I love yer laugh." The deep sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. 

The drug that is Johnny is already so intoxicating. 

"I'm so glad you can't see me blushing." 

"I'm no'." He sounds so indignant about that. "But I could listen to that laugh all day, really."

If only he could see you pout too. "Now you're just trying to make me blush more." 

He chuckles, his voice dropping dangerously flirtatious again. "Maybe I am, nothing you can do about it."

"Now I'm pouting." 

"Better not pout in front of me, lass." His suggestive tone makes you shiver. 

"Oh, why's that?" You ask, playing coy. 

"'Cause I'll just have to start kissing ya, might even nibble on those soft little lips." 

You suppress a delighted squeak, already so flustered at even the idea of a kiss. "I'm not hearing a downside." 

"No?" 

"Nope." 

"Might not be gentle with you, though." 

"Good thing that I like it rough." The words are out of you before you can reconsider, but they have exactly the effect you intend as you hear Johnny inhale sharply.

"Ach, you and yer wicked mouth." 

"You have no idea..." 

He lets out a rough exhale, his voice turning gravelly and deep. "Fuck, bonnie." 

"Hey, I'm only repaying the favour, I've been squirming desperately pretty much since I picked up the phone." 

He whistles approvingly, his voice now teasing and playfully menacing. "Just you wait til I'm really in ya head." 

"You're already making good progress." You admit.

"Oh aye?" 

You hum contentedly, eyes flickering shut for a moment. "I'll be imagining your voice as I fall asleep tonight." 

"I'll just have ta send yer voice notes to drift off to, so I can end up in your dreams again." You can almost hear the smirk in his voice. 

"Already spoiling me, too." 

Fuck, how is it this man seems to know exactly what to say? Everything that comes out of his mouth takes root in your brain and sends your thoughts running wild—it's like he's already in your head, or as if someone made him in a lab.

"I'll spoil ya every day, if you're ever mine." 

You groan in frustration, unbelieving that a stranger can be so seemingly perfect. "How are you even single, Johnny?" 

"I could ask you the same. Taking everything in me to not ask for an address right now, if I'm being honest." He huffs a laugh. 

While the idea is thrilling, you know you should have at least some sense of preservation, and shouldn't blurt out your postcode for this strange man you barely know. "I'm worth the wait, I swear." You whisper your promise. 

"I'm sure yer are. But to answer your question, my work keeps me busy a lot, and this lifestyle isn't for everyone." There's a hint of vulnerability to his voice, and you sense such a fact is a sore point in his personal life. 

In the fantasy of all of this, you suppose the reality of the situation isn't something you'd stopped to consider. Life for a man in the military was surely so different from a regular 9-5. "I'm guessing that you're away a lot?" 

"Aye, sometimes for just a few days, sometimes for months, all depends." His admission is soft, as if you can hear in his tone that he's waiting for you to bolt. 

If that's the big 'catch' when it comes to Johnny, you can breathe a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I guess you need someone strong and loyal to hold on and wait for you." 

There's a tense silence, something lingering in the air. 

"Hard to come by, I've found." 

The thought makes your stomach twist in the worst possible way. Johnny, at least on the surface, seems so worthy of love. 

You chance the question that's on the tip of your tongue, hoping Johnny doesn't mind your reckless curiosity. "Have... you been cheated on?" 

"More than once, gets less surprising over the years." He finishes with a sad laugh, as you can tell he tries to infuse humour into the whole thing. 

"That's... horrible." 

Being sent away from your home to face gunfire and warfare, all to keep the people back home safe... only to be betrayed by the people back home who love you, who are supposed to wait for you. It's a gut-wrenching thought, and your heart aches for the man.

"A few of the lads here have a similar story." 

"So the army, not for the faint of heart, and dating an army man, not for the faint of heart." You sigh, though you don't feel put off by the thought.  

"Exactly. That you then? Faint of heart?" 

"No. I mean, inside I'm clingy as hell, and I'd miss you like crazy every day until you got back..." Your emotions overtake you, as you imagine a future where you'd have to kiss the man goodbye for maybe months at a time. "But I get the feeling that what we could have would be worth the wait. Hypothetically of course." 

At that, Johnny laughs, and his light tone returns. "Don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves, aye." 

You don't want to get ahead of yourself, you know you shouldn't, but the way you and Johnny have clicked is unlike anything you've felt before. "But... I have a good feeling." 

"I do too, already dreading putting down the phone." 

"I'm not planning on it anytime soon, even if I have to be up early tomorrow." 

"So do I, alarms set for 4." 

You do not envy his lifestyle one bit.

"That's awful! I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow, I might have to use my lunch break for a nap." You admit, preemptively yawning into your hand. 

"You one of those perpetually sleepy girls?" 

You nod, even though he can't see it. "The sleepiest." 

"Barnaby is a lucky bear, getting to cuddle up to you so much." 

You burst out laughing at the hint of envy in his words. "Are you... jealous?"

"For now, but soon the tables will turn." He faked an evil laugh, that only makes you giggle harder. 

"Oh, you think you can give better snuggles than him?" 

"Oh, I know I can, bonnie. The bear can't wrap his arms around yer, can't whisper sweet things in your ear..." His voice dips back into that seductive, teasing tone. "... Can't trail his hands down to that pretty little pussy." 

Once more, you flush with desire, every nerve alight as Johnny's words wash over you—although it seems like almost everything he says has your body reacting. "You have an interesting way of cuddling, Johnny."

"Didnae say I was actually gonna do anything once my hands got down there." 

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed." 

"When you're in my arms, you wouldn't have a choice, lass." The dark, dominant voice makes you shiver, makes your submissive instincts awaken. 

"Oh yeah?" 

He hums slowly. "Once you're mine, you leave the choices to me. Johnny knows best, yeah?" 

"Johnny knows best." You whisper breathlessly, the words coming out automatically, like they just feel right.

"Steamin' Jesus, can already tell yer gonna be the death of me." 

"Can't have that, your family won't get your death in service payout!" You laugh awkwardly, before a sense of guilt rears its head. "Sorry, grim joke." 

"I don't mind. You should hear some of the ones my Lt. comes out with, he's a right sick bastard." He chuckles.

"Never want to make light of it and hurt you, though." 

"Telling jokes makes it easier hen, you'll be wishing me dead in no time at all."  

You gasp, shocked by the prospect. "I'd never!" 

"Not even when I deny you from touching yourself for my entire deployment? Months of nothing at all?" The sick grin is evident in his voice. 

"You wouldn't, that's so mean. You're too sweet for that." 

"Aye, for now, but don't you like a little bit of meanness, if yer into men like me..." The edge to his voice and the truth to your words has you trembling. 

"Maybe..." You singsong in response, not wanting to give away just how much you liked the idea of his mean side. 

"Bonnie..." He tuts disapprovingly. "Don't play coy." 

You shudder out a breath as you squeeze your thighs together for relief. "I just don't want you to bully me too much right now, I'm already soaked." 

"Is that right?" He seems delightfully surprised by such a revelation. 

"Mhmm." 

"I'm fucking rock hard if it helps, think I have been since last night..." You hear him shuffle, and you try not to imagine what's happening on the other end of the line, or how he looks lying in bed with said hardness.

When he groans hungrily down the line, you feel yourself quake once more. "The sight of you on your fucking knees... Christ alive." 

You can't help but giggle at your unintended teasing. "It wasn't on purpose, I thought it was cute more than anything." 

"Adorable and naughty, could cum just looking at it." He huffs. 

"You're just flattering me, besides, I could say the same about your picture."

Every part of you flushes thinking of the first photo he sent, all muscle and alpha male—it's like he was the physical embodiment of dominance, and just looking at him makes you want to kneel.

"You like the military get up?" 

"Love it, more than I probably should." 

"Oh aye, bet you'd love for me to order you around?" His words are playful, but underpinned with a hint of promise. "All in due time, eh?" 

"All in due time. What's your rank, anyway?" 

"Sergeant." 

"Wait..." You take a deep breath as you consider your question. "Can I ask for your last name or is it too soon?" 

"Mactavish."

Johnny Mactavish—you should remember to give that a quick Google search later.

"Sergeant Mactavish." You test the name on your tongue, trying to imagine him at work, following and giving orders. 

"Sounds too good when you say it, bonnie." He laughs. 

"Thank you, sergeant." Your affectation of the word is entirely intentional, as you attempt to rile him up with the use of his title. 

The throaty groan that leaves him is addictive.

"What else do you like to be called?" 

"Depends on what you want to call me really, but I like... sir." 

"I like it too, will have to remember that for the future, and just torture you with sergeant in the meantime." You can't help but giggle as you flirt. 

"Oh don't worry, am keeping score." He growls playfully. "Wait til I get ma hands on you, bonnie." 

"You're keeping score?" You gasp, a heady mix of fear and arousal coursing through you almost urges you to be even more of a teasing brat.

"Aye, spanking arm at the ready." 

"My pouting lips are ready." 

"Won't be the only thing you use them lips for."

Fuck fuck fuck. Not that you hadn't thought about it already, hadn't already let your mind drift to what his cock might look like—whether it matches the size of the man—now you're definitely thinking about it. Fixated on it, craving it. 

Some cards are best kept close to your chest so early on, so you change tack and go a different direction with his flirtation. "Yeah, with you in the room, I'd probably be smiling a whole lot." 

The two of you continue to chat, you asking what you can about his work as he asks about yours, and you fill him in on the boring world you live in, which seems especially boring in comparison to taking down cartels and traveling the world.

The conversation never stops being easy, the flirtation and innuendo always right there at the tip of your tongues as you tease each other relentlessly—giving as good as you get. All night, you're practically grinding against your duvet as you get lost in Johnny's dulcet tones, and you find yourself just letting him speak for the sake of getting to hear more of his voice.

As Johnny is about to ask you more about your background, you're overcome with a harsh yawn that you desperately try to stifle. Your eyes have been shut for the last hour at least, but with the command Johnny has over your nervous system right now, it's been easy to stay awake. 

"Tired, bonnie?" He asks, voice laced with sweet concern.

"Yeah..." Your voice falls quiet, as the thought of ending the call makes your throat constrict. "But I don't wanna stop talking." 

"Me either, but av got bad news." 

You know what's coming, and you know it isn't remotely anywhere near the end of the world, despite what your heart is telling you right now. "Go on." 

"I have to go." Even he sounds sad about such an outcome. 

"It's not even that late?" The clock reads 2 am. 

"Gotta get a wee bit of sleep before I hit the gym, and then get off ta work. Don't you have work too?" 

"Work from home tomorrow, so it's not too bad. Not fair though, I wanna keep talking." You admit quietly. It's too much too soon, but you're overwhelmed, the tide of your emotions crashing over the edges.

"Tell yer what. Next time we call, we can try leaving it on while we sleep."

Your heart flips, as you almost whimper at how cute the gesture is. "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"Obviously." There's that gorgeous laugh again. "Is it working?" 

"Just a little, but that might be the lack of sleep talking, I might be going slightly insane." 

Johnny sighs, and it's clear he's battling to keep a handle on his self-control. "Rest, bonnie, I won't be able to work knowing you're not sleepin'" 

You sigh too, accepting your fate. "Okay, just for you." 

"Just want what's best for you, you need your sleep."  

Your head spins at how utterly sincere he sounds—the care in his voice after such a short amount of time serves to drive you even deeper into this infatuation. "Already?" 

"Can't turn it off, am just protective by nature, bonnie. If you were my girl, you'd have a bedtime." 

And that makes your cunt clench and your heart soar. "Johnny..." You whine.

"Yeah?" 

You hesitate to say what you want to say next, but everything within you is calling out for him, desperate to be in his arms. "Don't make me wait too long to meet you, please." 

His laughter is sweet, conveying a sense of understanding more than anything. "I'll try ma best, supposed to be off on Friday." 

"5 whole days."

"Sure you don't wanna wait a bit longer?" 

You shake your head, mumbling a sound to convey your feelings. "Feels right, don't know how to describe it... do you feel it too?" 

Johnny takes a deep breath, his voice shaking slightly as he speaks. "I do, lass." 

"Good." You couldn't even attempt to fight the idiotic grin on your face, or how warm you feel inside and out. "I'll get some sleep, talk soon." 

"Goodnight, bonnie. Sweet dreams."  

You wait for Johnny to end the call, not wanting to push the button yourself and have his presence fade away. When your screen dims, you resist the urge to text him more, opting instead to put your phone on charge and roll over to Barnaby—wishing it was Johnny instead. 

[actual-changeling]

(please do not send any asks with fundraiser links)

Hi, you can call me Alex or whatever variation of my username you'd like. <3

I'm in my early twenties, use mainly they/them pronouns, and there is a lot wrong with my brain (both affectionately and in a decidedly not fun way). I have memory issues, so I can and will forget things, including replying to messages. You are ALWAYS invited to send me a reminder—please, please do, I will not be offended, pinky promise.

This blog is 90% fandom, 5% personal shit and 5% misc posts that I like. My inbox and DMs are open, so feel free to message me and interact however you like! If there's something you want me to see, I don't mind getting tagged in posts either.

Please don't be an asshole, and you can find my opinions/rules about discourse on my blog right here. I'm incredibly bad at judging my own tone, so if I come across as overly intense or upset, chances are I am actually not—I'm just passionate about the things I enjoy.

Mulder and Scully have taken over my brain and body, and I don't think they will leave me alone ever again.

I will be tagging spoilers for any newly released shows and episodes. If there is something you would like me to tag spoilers for, just shoot me an ask or dm!

Currently following and tagging for:

The X Files: alex watches x files

Doctor Who: alex watches doctor who, dw spoilers

(PJO The Series: pjo spoilers) show is on hiatus

The Magnus Protocols: alex listens to tmagp, tmagp spoilers

I write fanfiction both here on tumblr and on ao3 under actualchangeling. Requests or ideas are fine, though I cannot make any promises.

Wanna chat with other people about good omens? I have a discord you can join, mostly angelfish focused but we talk about all our beloved idiots.

My other misc current active special interests are Doctor Who and Good Omens, but I dabble in a lot of other fandoms, too. Among those are Marvel/Iron Man, Lucifer, TLOU, The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale, Prospect (2018), and many more.

My tag system for original posts applies to all fandoms I am currently actively engaging with and follows the same patterns. I tag spoilers when I remember to for about a week, so consider this blog to be very much NOT spoiler free.

alex talks x -> meta, analysis, interpretation, or opinion posts

alex writes x -> either self-promotion or tumblr specific ficlets, without any fandom addition it's original writing of some kind

Any personal posts that are not fandom related are tagged as following; feel free to block them if you're just here for the fandom madness!! I really do not mind.

alex yells at the void -> misc personal stuff

alex gets personal -> potentially triggering discussions of my trauma or mental health, vent posts

Last but not least, the tag for my queue is I’ll follow queue anywhere you go. It's a TLOU reference for those who are curious.

[seattlesellie]

just wanna say u have my 1000% support takin a break from writing to process with the genocide going on in palestine. ur writing always feels very real and human, and i kinda believe that to a certain extent u can understand someone’s heart thru their writing, and so im def not surprised that you’re staying in touch with your humanity and feeling the feelings rn. im right there with u, personally taking a lot of comfort in linking up with organizing groups in my area cause it’s too much to process alone! ((and I’d be remiss not to mention that im revisiting my fave works of urs when I need a brain break)) u don’t have to answer this just wanted to add a lil voice of solidarity to ur inbox :) 🇵🇸

you’re such a lovely human being for this kind message and for spreading awareness on the subject this almost made me cry? i wish i replied as soon as you sent this but it got swallowed down in my inbox! like you said it just felt very wrong (for me personally) to write during these times. it still feels slightly odd cause you know how you wake up & immediately check twitter to see if the journalists you follow are still alive? then like you can’t stop thinking about them for hours on end? and you go on instagram/tumblr and everything seems “normal” even though it’s not? it’s just such a mindfuck. nevertheless i’m so happy you find some comfort in my fics 💗

just another reminder to support BDS, because as much as our marching and speaking out matter, taking actual actions — boycotting, hold such a greater power. none of us are free until palestine is 🍉

[catboy-dummy]

Intro Post: ✨

Hello! I wish to not use a name on here. But some things i like to be called are good boy, puppy, dummy, and prince (will update if I find a liking to other ones too!). I also use it/its when im getting dumb (NOT in a misgendering way, don’t touch me with that)

Im 21 and my pronouns are he/him, I’m a bisexual trans man, lovingly taken <3.

A lot of what I post and rb is fantasy

Backup is @dummy-catboy-moved

DNI:

Minors, this blog is 18+

No age in bio

Detrans and misgendering, don’t want to shame it’s really just not my thing

Ageplay, sissification, r4pe kink (this one is a weird field because cnc tags keep overlapping with it so idk, I have mixed feelings), feeder, incest, and trauma blogs

Usual DNI stuff

I will update this if/as I need to. Please also note I will also just block whenever I feel like my boundaries are invalidated or I just feel uncomfortable

My Kinks:

Hypno

Brainwashing

Resistance play

Dumbification

Corruption

Edging

Denial

Breeding (not the birth part)

Hucow (maybe just a little bit)

Milking

Cnc (huge emphasis on consensual)

Drugging/Aphrodisiacs (also consensually)

Intox (fills in with drugging but adding anyway)

Free use

Teasing

Overstimulation

Objectification

Degradation

Praise

Royalty (as a treat)

Limits:

-please don’t talk about me interacting with your genitals unless we’ve had a prior conversation/consent about it. It’s a huge overstep

-this also goes for involving other ppl that I interact with in ur ask without any real prior conversation or consent on it. Again it kinda puts me in a weird uncomfortable position with the other person that I’m interacting with :(

-unless initiated, please don’t tell me what you would do to me either. Unless it’s initiated it brings me out of the mood immediately

-don’t ask for pics/ audio anything of the sort. Also don’t ask invasive questions or ones that are too personal

-if you send me any pics I’m blowing you up

-if you ever try to overstep my relationship I’m also blowing you up

- if an ask or a dm makes me uncomfortable I will not answer/ reply to it (or I might but it won’t be in a positive way). I might also block out of sheer initial discomfort. (I do understand miscommunications can happen, but unless communicated I will probably just assume the worst out of safety/personal reasons)

-just because I post or reblog something it doesn’t make in an invitation to be creepy. Don’t do that. (Unless specifically mentioning it, but even then don’t be creepy)

Asks / Dms:

Asks are open! Just please don’t be an asshole. Maybe even encourage me to rub and cum my brains out (or make me edge my mind away) so I can become a good, empty, cockdumb boy. I always love pretty spirals or words filling up my inbox

Spiral maker if y’all wanna make a spiral for me to stare at

Go ahead and also just ramble and talk in there, as horny as I am I love normal interaction too :3

If you anon a lot feel free to claim an emoji or name so I can tag u and recognize you more :3

Dms are open to mutuals! Feel free to message and just talk about anything or do hypno related things. Might open them up to everyone someday if I feel comfy doing so. :3

Additional: I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum (I’ve been looking into it for years now. So if I’m a little ehhh sometimes I’m probably overwhelmed or overthinking stuff or just unsure of something and I’m getting uncomfortable. Tone indicators really help sometimes because I’m awful at reading tones of stuff.

Anon tag claims: 💜, 📀, 🕸, 🐾, 🐐,🎩,💙,💛

Extras:

I’m new to all of this so I’m sorry if I sound nervous or awkward at times.

Whenever I write “sweet boy” or I’m thinking about my bf, but I also write these in a way so anyone can interpret the scenario as they wish! But I also just wanted to clarify :3

[ardenssolis]

I posted 1,495 times in 2022

896 posts created (60%)

599 posts reblogged (40%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tenkoseiensei

@caemthe

@oldestking

@bigdhashira

@006461

I tagged 1,495 of my posts in 2022

#answered - 649 posts

#;;inbox - 640 posts

#;v: chaldea days - 515 posts

#;;f.go - 358 posts

#;mini - 259 posts

#;v: ??? - 233 posts

#;ooc jabber - 212 posts

#tenkoseiensei - 180 posts

#;;fgo - 161 posts

#;v: summoned forth - 155 posts

Longest Tag: 87 characters

#the king of kings is fond of a certain ancient blockhead but you didn't hear it from me

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !

NAME: Shi

PRONOUNS:  she / her / they / them 

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: IMs usually! Discord is fine too especially for plotting and general chitchat since that IM box is tiny as hell. But it tends to definitely be easier to catch me on here since for some reason, my discord doesn’t always alert me to people talking and left messages kfjsdfhdsfs. Me checking discord to see someone talked to me hours ago -- me sweating wondering if they think I ignored them while I was posting on tumblr. 

NAME OF MUSE(S): Ozymandias

RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): Like...over 15 years? I have, quite literally, seen and experienced everything at this point. That’s why my rules probably sound so strict because I am just a tired woman who feels like I aged to 80 sometimes. I don’t play when it comes to my boundaries anymore like when I was younger and allowed things I shouldn’t have allowed for the sake of keeping the peace and being liked. I have been so much happier putting my foot down.

BEST EXPERIENCE: Meeting really great people and continuing to meet great people! Idk I’ve met so many who have inspired me to keep writing and just enjoying this little hobby of mine. Even now I just finger gun at all those individuals and really great mutuals that make my time here on tumblr A+.

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: Getting me excited for stuff and then ghosting me. Then coming to me, getting me excited again, ghosting me again -- rinse repeat like that’s a normal way to communicate with someone. Like I’m not here for that. I’ll softblock or hardblock you in a heartbeat and move on.

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: I like all three honestly, but angst??? Emotional stuff? GAWD DO I EAT THAT UP. Especially for Ozy because he’s just -gestures at him- Sometimes I want him to really feel things which can be difficult. But the fact it’s difficult is what makes me love it even more.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I don’t mind both since we can basic plot something like oh how they’d meet? Are they friends? Do they hate one another?? That kind of stuff can make interaction so much easier. But memes are certainly the best way to come at me and continue things from there since I don’t do starters. 

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Long replies! But short is nice when your brain is tired and after staring at a computer for eight hours and working HR, my brain is often very tired during the weekdays. So a nice balance of both!

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Normally in the evening. My writing just feels like it flows better for some reason.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Not even REMOTELY jkfhdskfdkfsd

tagged by: @chaieos​​​ (ilu Lis)

tagging: anyone! take it and talk about yourself! (also tag me I wanna read)

16 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

Crossover ships and OC x Canon ships save lives.

17 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

#3

@tenkoseiensei​ said (inbox):

sa vc teehee

     HE DOES NOT PERCEIVE. 

18 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

#2

If you’re a lot younger than Ozy, chances are he will:

a.) Adopt you as his child

b.) Adopt you as his younger sibling

These are just the rules I don’t make them.

18 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

[Glowing beans. D.o not r.eblog.]

19 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[euphoricfilter]

hi bub 🎀 how are u? sorry i'm kinda late on replying, i suck at that at times.

i'm glad to hear u had a nice dinner ! was the food pretty good? strawberry milkshakes are always the best 😌♡ but ahhh ! u got wootteo 🥺 i know he's just going to be the cutest in person, happy it worked out (sometimes impulsive buys are the best buys yk 🤷🏽)

oh wow ! i didn't know u were bilingual, that's so cool ! but aw i'm sure u did just fine darling 💓💓 u did ur best n that's okay (and i'm sure waitress didn't even notice or remember even after a second) *hugs* .. tho i do understand ur feelings completely. it can be nerve racking on speaking an entire different language (no matter which way). plus i'm sure the pressure of getting it grammatically correct or the right pronunciation is pretty sucky :/

aw honey i think ur putting too much pressure on urself :( i know it's hard to accept thais in an author's prospective .. but ur human and u can't be 100% all the time yk? i think we all have a "burn out" every blue moon .. and i think that's when we all subconsciously know we're in need of a break or change ur scenery. it' okay 💕 ur pace is ur pace and that's okay. take all the time u need. and you'd never let us or anyone down by setting boundaries or simply saying "no". i promise. ur feelings matter always and deserved to be respected. no worries love :)

aw ur too sweet, ty 💕 i'll keep that in mind and of course vice versa always, jus lmk 💕💕😌 but honestly.. i don't even know what's going on? it's kind of hard to explain but basically i'm on my healing journey rn and learning to embrace having "peace" and i've been doing so well but idk.. these past few weeks .. it's been getting a little hard these past few weeks to embrace it. idk why but it's just .. i've been feeling so sad and lonely and bored ig? and it's like.. i've made so so much progress with my mindset, mental health, confidence, and overall .. and let's just say i was in a veeeeeery dark place lol .. i just don't want to relapse back into who was u know? but at the same time i feel like i'm in a "toxic positivity" state rn and it's just sigh* idk.. it's a lot lmao (as always sorry for the overshare omg 😭 )

- 🎀

i’m good!! you’re okay my love <3 i’m really bad at replying to text messages from people in real life

the food was really good, i don’t think i’ve ever had macaroni bites before but i tried them and it was pretty good. i agree!! strawberry milkshake is the best, i think they made it with ice cream as well

ahh wootteo slept on my pillow above me last night, his head is really fat but he’s a cutie so it’s okay 🧍‍♀️

oo another secret fact about me has been revealed, idk if i’d personally count it as bilingual just because i’m far from fluent but i’ve been learning for a while so i guess i know enough to get around 🥲 i think chinese grammar is easier than korean somehow but maybe that’s because i’ve been learning chinese longer?? idk languages make me wanna pull my hair out 🧍‍♀️and my teacher was.. firm in school so maybe that’s where my language anxiety stems from 🧍‍♀️

i think so too 🥲 i think since taking my gap year, i don’t wanna feel like i’m just wasting my life away when this time was meant to be time i took out for myself because the last couple of years of school killed me. now that i know i’ve gotten into university, i really have nothing else to do. like i’ve done my portfolio, done the application, signed up for everything i need for now, so i’m simply existing trying not to feel like i’m doing nothing with my life before i become a slave to the education system again

ahh i still feel bad, but i guess not much can be done about it, and i can only be grateful that so many people are this understanding!! i think for now i’m probably just gonna start the rewritten version of dtik, since it’s an easy project and takes minimal brain power and then i’ll get back to whatever i have in my inbox when i feel like it

i get that!! i was going so well after graduating considering where i was during the last couple of years and then slowly it all just went downhill 😭 and there was times a night where i just felt so lonely?? and so so so out of it, like i didn’t wanna be awake but i didn’t want to sleep it was a really funky feeling?

anyways, i’m always here if you ever wanna chat 🫶 and just know that i’m really proud of you! and you’re doing so well, and remember you’re super cool and take care of yourself 🫡

(shhh dw about it 💕)

MWAH 💕🫂

[just-some-random-blogger]

hi love! me again. i really was not able to not answer your answer (?) because it did make me cry and kick me legs bc you're so cute i can't. hope you'll get rid of your acne breakouts and cleaning your room won't be as terrifying as it can be. i'm glad to know my ask (?) made you happy! and to know you're working on the part 2 (and 3 maybe)! please don't overwork yourself, though!! yeah you're absolutely right! you're the law here and i love your laws! no one's dumb! especially not you! (but i feel your concerns so much ;) i use so many trops, symbols and shit like this in anything i write that no one understands it and i'm like ;;) so yes never know) but still your writings are GORGEOUS!! still this delicious moment with aegon coming out looking like a kicked puppy?? heartbreaking but tears taste so good) i'll try to read part 2 as soon as possible! i think you made my daemon obsession great again) and kissing your brain was the closest to how grateful i am to you!! thank you sm for answering! swear i couldn't sleep checking tumblr for it! good luck! see you soon! <з

HI MODERN!DAEMON NONNIE!!!

LOL idk what you mean about not answering my answer when you answered it 🥴 (woah thats confusing) but its all good its all ok i love you

And i am cute aren't i 🤩🤩🥰🥰🥰 love that for me

i HOPE I GET RID OF MY ACNE TOO IM TOO HOT TO HAVE ZITS PLEASE I CLEANED MY ROOM WASHED MY PILLOW CASES AND SHEETS AND EVERYTHING

every ask i get makes me happy and i have been blessed enough to have a lot of them that are all out of love 😭😭😭😭💗💗💗 there's actually so much for real and though my panicky brain gets anxious when i dont reply quick enough i hope you and everyone else knows how grateful i am to be a celebrity 😎 HAHHAH NAH but in all seriousness i appreciate each one of you so much.

i tooted my horn too hard tho 😔 since i didnt post p2 of fic today yet lahsfhashf but its fine trust me im not overworked cos yall cant make me write smth i dont wanna T_T ok ok the inner people pleaser in me begs to differ, but i swear im genuinely genuinely so invested in this fic i swear i swear i love what i did and you're gonna love it (i hope you love it)

i love my laws too 😃🤠BONK AHHAH im glad you dont think im dumb 😖😌 cos only a genius can write like me 🤪🤪🤪🤪 also im so glad you can relate with the symbolisms and tropes and hoohaa. you like me for real. and the fact u understand it and think my work is gorgeous ?!??!?!

im so glad you liked aegon. i love my modern!aegon so very much i keep him in my pocket. ur gonna like what im gonna do with aemond then i think HAHHAHAHHAHAHH (i hope you do)

also "heartbreaking but tears taste so good" 💀💀💀💀💀💀 you like me fr fr T_T HAHAH

my daemon obsession never died because ever since i watched the show ive been writing fanfics for him like its my job HAHAHHA i have no idea when season 2 will come out but it better come out RIGHT NOW i nEED MORE DAEMON

lemme kiss your brain too <3 mwah mwah mwah i love you

the fact you thanked me for answering you T_T of course id answer T_T thank you for coming to my inbox again! <3 you have a cozy seat next to my 4am nonnie cos i named you too lol. i actually saw your inbox as soon as you sent it i think, cos i was in the middle of writing something and i saw the notification then i read it then hyperfixated on writing the p2 of the modern!au after reading your message, (then i did the things i said i did in your first ask) i don't always reply soon because my brain is overwhelmed by the process of replying because i dont ever want to miss a detail that was said to me T_T i feel bad that you fixated on tumblr so much that you couldn't sleep T_T i'll try to do better T_T

I hope you spare me another ask on your thoughts when i post p2 🥺👉👈

I love you honey

xxx

[zukkababey]

I'm once again asking for your Time travel Sokka AU 😭😭 (I really wanna read it)

this message has been sitting in my inbox for way too long. thank you for being patient with me!! here’s a snippet to tide you over:

Sokka is ­­13.

From his tower, Sokka watches the village below.

As Chief, Hakoda has decided to lead the remaining warriors from their tribe to fight in the Hundred Year War. The village is the busiest it’s been in a long time—shipbuilding, rationing, and packing have been constant the last few months, but today is the day.

Today is the day his father leaves, along with almost everyone in the village. Those left will be women, children, and the elderly.

And Sokka.

He’s tried convincing his dad that he’s strong and brave enough to join the rest of the tribe’s men, but he won’t listen. Hakoda just places a hand on Sokka’s shoulder and tells him that he’s needed here most, that he needs to protect his sister.

Sokka gets that. He does. But if he were to go with his dad, he could do so much more. He just wants to help.

It’s the morning, early enough that the sun hasn’t risen yet and Katara is still sleeping. Only a few hours are left before the warriors leave. Sokka watches them prepare for their journey avidly, not wanting to miss a thing.

So of course that’s when he time travels.

He turns to look out the opening behind him and is suddenly staring at a metal wall, patched together and brushed lightly, tinged red in the dim light. It reminds him of the material used to make those awful Fire Nation ships.

“Sokka?”

The shocked voice comes from behind him; he spins around immediately.

“Dad?”

His father is sitting in the corner, dressed in an odd red tunic and loose pants—nothing resembling his usual water tribe gear. He’s staring up at Sokka like he can’t quite believe his eyes.

At the same time, they ask each other, “What are you doing here?”

Loud footsteps from outside wherever they are draws Hakoda unsteadily to his feet; Sokka can’t help but notice that he’s favouring his right side. A slit of light filters into the room, but Hakoda steps forward, pushing Sokka behind him before he can see where it came from.

Sokka holds his breath, trying to keep still. Obviously, Hakoda doesn’t want him to be seen, and he trusts his dad to keep him safe no matter what time he’s in.

A gruff voice calls into the room, “Who’s in there?”

“What are you talking about?” his father replies evenly.

“Prisoners ain’t supposed to have company.”

Prisoners? Sokka wonders. He looks around the small room with renewed interest, being careful to stay behind his dad’s silhouette. His chest swoops uncomfortably. Now that Sokka knows what he’s looking at, it’s obvious—they’re in a jail cell.

“I’m alone in here, as you know,” his dad says.

The man pauses, as if second guessing himself. “I heard voices.”

“I was talking to myself.”

The person on the other side of the door—Sokka figures he must be a guard—barks out a cruel laugh. “Always knew people from the Water Tribe were nuts.”

His dad must be able to tell that Sokka gets riled up by the comment, because he tightens his grip on his arm, holding him firmly in place. A breath passes, then two. A moment later, the light vanishes and the scrape of metal against metal rings in his ears.

Hakoda waits a long minute before moving. The grip around his arm doesn’t loosen until they both hear the faint sound of retreating footsteps. Immediately his dad is turning, shuffling Sokka so he’s no longer in view of tiny, barred window.

The first thing out of Sokka’s mouth is, “Why are you in prison?”

Hakoda’s expression is pained. “Oh, Sokka. How old are you?”

“Thirteen,” he answers automatically before his brain gets back in gear. “The Fire Nation caught up with you, didn’t they?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Why not?” Sokka exclaims, then quiets his voice when Hakoda shushes him. “I can help you!”

His dad sighs wearily, moving to sit with his back against the wall. Sokka doesn’t miss his slight wince as he does so.

“You’re hurt,” Sokka says, sounding more accusatory than he intends.

“I’m fine, son,” he says firmly, his tone brooking no arguments.

Sokka argues anyway. “Fine? You’re in prison and you’re injured.”

He assesses his dad, trying to gauge how much older he looks. His hair is slightly longer but the style is the same, half pulled into a wolftail with blue beads knotted at the end of two braids. A new scar traces the back of his hand, but other than that he looks relatively unchanged from yesterday.

“What year is it? Where are we?” Sokka demands. “Tell me. I’ll come find you in this time.”

“No,” Hakoda says, gaze suddenly sharp and commanding in the dim light. “You are under no circumstances allowed to come for me. This place is extremely dangerous.”

“All the more reason for me to find you!” he insists.

Hakoda shakes his head. “No. Absolutely not.”

Sokka drops to his knees, not ashamed to start begging, not if there’s a possibility it could save his dad. “Please,” he whispers. “I can help. You just need to tell me how.”

Hakoda’s hard expression softens into one of compassionate understanding. “If I told you, I wouldn’t be here right now, would I?”

[thefanficmonster]

Real Friends

Valkyrae & Reader (Male)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: SMAU, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Following an accidental and not very consensual face reveal, Y/N’s dealing the sudden shift of the spotlight on him even more than it was before. Being the big deal he is on social media, the internet has every right to be freaking out. Luckily, he’s got a friend to help him cope with it all.

Requested by @iawaythrown Hii! Thank you so much for your request! I’m so sorry for how long it has taken me to complete your request and post it but here it finally is. I’ve never written a SMAU before so this isn’t the classic SMAU format but I still hope you’ll enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

Imagine you end a toxic relationship of almost a year and go to bed feeling like a ton of bricks has been lifted off you, like you can finally breathe properly and like you’re finally getting a taste of freedom. The very freedom you chose to lose by getting in the toxic relationship in the first place. Of course, I didn’t know it was toxic at the time, probably cause it wasn’t, but it gradually turned into a nightmare.

A nightmare that keeps haunting me even after I thought I had put an end to it.

Apparently, that was wishful thinking cause I woke up this morning to find an unbelievable number of notifications and messages from friends, family and my manager and associates. Being in the music industry as a faceless creator, I keep my circle tight and it only consists of people I can trust so to see them all freaking out at me at once, even the most level-headed ones, freaked me out too. Quickly, I opened the first notification I reflexively tapped on and it opened a post in which someone had tagged me.

A picture taken of me while I was asleep, no doubt one taken by my ex. That being said, I think we can all have a guess at who posted it in the first place. I didn’t listen to my manager when he told me to not allow anyone I trust 1000% into my inner circle. I was foolish and at the peak of my career, feeling on top of the world and feeling invincible which was rare for me. I’ve always been insecure about many things in my life, growing up with a lot of judgy people made me be that way. Not to mention that I didn’t want to be the victim of the internet’s racism either. People turn a blind eye most of the time, but it’s still there, it still exists and looms over all social media platforms, disturbing people’s peace left and right.  You see, I didn’t want people to have an opinion of my art based on my appearance or associations with other creators. I’m pretty good friends with many content creators, especially in the gaming industry, but I’ve never wanted to be put in a box as one of the many friends of someone famous. I made a name for myself without anyone knowing who I am exactly.

And now they all know because of this photo that my ex sent to float down the rivers of hungry social media:

Damn am I gonna get an earful from my manager or what. It’s still rater early though and I’m really not about to deal with this drama on a caffeine-free brain so if there are any calls, emails or messages that need answering - and yes, there are PLENTY of them - they’ll all have to wait until I feel like dealing with them. I’m glad I don’t have to keep up this unbothered charade at home since I live alone cause I seriously don’t feel ok with this. I mean, I could probably report it, but what use would that be when my brand now has a face and a huge chunk of my privacy has already surfaced against my will.

As I sit in my kitchen, sipping my coffee, I finally gather the nerve to at least scroll through the notifications that I’ve received. Fans reaching out, relatives, friends, pissed off people that are there just to exist and try to disturb my peaceful existence but all they’re gonna get is a hard DELETE from me. I have offers on top of offers for modeling pending, waiting on my response. I’ve never considered it, being a faceless creator and all, but my manager will definitely want to milk some cash from this too. That thought makes me sigh in defeat. I have no one to blame but myself for trusting my ex. No one made me do it, no one made me let them in, but I still did, fucking myself over insanely. Just like they’ve now fucked me over.

Amongst the sea of notifications and yet to be opened messages, one in particular stands out and makes me do a double take. It’s a message from my friend Rae - Valkyrae, as she’s known online. She’s one of those gamer friends I mentioned earlier, probably the one I’m closest with. Her and I talk on the regular so seeing a message from her in my inbox is nothing unusual so I wonder why that was the one that stuck out to me. Regardless, that’s the only one I feel like opening and replying to at the moment.

V ~ Hey Y/N, you doing ok? This all must be really hard on you so don’t feel obligated to reply. Do so when you can or want to. I’m here if you wanna talk

Of course Rae would be the one to know how I truly feel in a situation like this. I can act and cover up all I want but she knows exactly what’s underneath the surface of my façade. That third eye friends have for each other, it’s incredible.

Me ~ Doing ok. Wasn’t expecting to wake up to this but now that millions of people know what I look like it feels oddly bittersweet, you know? Like I don’t have to go out of my way to hide anymore but I’m also gonna miss that privacy I had while I was a phantom

Me ~ On the upside: people want me to be a model now XD

My message goes to Seen almost write away, the Typing icon appearing shortly after the messages were read. I wait for Rae’s reply, sipping my slowly cooling coffee with little interest due to how invested I am in our conversation. If there’s a person who can make light of this situation, it’s Rae, no doubt about it.

V ~ I know what you mean. It’s not gonna be easy to adjust to but you will get used to it eventually. I’m sure you’ll even grow to like it. Promise you, it’s not that scary to be exposed, there’s literal millions of people who support you wholeheartedly :) 

V ~ Us, your friends, are here too! Never forget that, we’ve always got your back, Y/N!

V ~ Oh and you really should be a model! Whoever’s saying that has got the right idea. Maybe don’t fear this new change, but embrace it! Take this new turn in your life confidently. Sure, it was out of the blue, but do you really want the person who exposed you to feel the satisfaction of bringing you down? That doesn’t sound like you at all tbh

The epiphany strikes me as soon as Rae’s words sink in as I read them. She’s 100% right. The last thing I want is for my ex to think they’ve won. I refuse to give them the pleasure of tasting victory on the expense of my mental health and career progress. In fact, imma show them just how much they benefited me. But first...

Me ~ Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this eye-opener

Me ~ I owe you one <3

I sure as hell owe her one, but for now I have other battles to win.

Rifling through my gallery, I find one more recent picture and without a shred of doubt or hesitation, I go straight to Instagram to post it.

~ “Since y’all were curious...And since y’all wanna see me model, you’re welcome” ~

Within seconds likes and comments start flowing in like a riptide, taking over my phone that, despite being charged all night, is already at half of its battery life.

I refresh the page with the post to look at the new comments that have come through, all supportive and complimenting me, some are real thirsty and some are incredibly kind. And even in that sea, her comment still sticks out to me, making me grin like an idiot.

“That’s what I was talking about! Work it, Y/N!“

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

[erensangel444]

safari sexscapades

atsumu x reader

all characters in this fic are aged up!(so post time skip!atsumu) @obitobrigade gave me this idea and i’m so excited to write it! 

this fic is atsumu x fem!reader, if you guys would want to see some gender neutral fics just let me know in my asks inbox! i’m open to any suggestions, if you want a fic that’s specifically tailored to you whether that be race-wise, gender-wise, any disabilities, etc,. just let me know!

likes/reblogs/comments are always appreciated:D

this fic has been proofread but if i missed something just let me know!

a/n: EEK! i hope this turns out to y’alls liking:))))

i just finished writing and SHIT! this is probably the most fun i’ve had writing a fic:D

warnings: smut: slight spit kink, degrading, humiliation, praise, unprotected sex(wrap ur willy silly), oral(fem!receiving), cumplay, slight fearplay.

word count: 4.1k

summary: atsumu and the reader decide to take a spontaneous trip, visiting different countries each week. on the second week of june, their stop is kenya. atsumu pays big bucks for an independent safari with the reader, how about a little pit-stop?

the sunlight that was softly hitting your face, and warming your body under the covers, gently shifted you into wakefulness. you opened your eyes to atsumu’s sleeping figure beside you, drool running down the corner of his mouth.

he always looked so peaceful when he slept, his dark eyebrows furrowed softly, his lips left slightly open. you traced your nails up and down his chest, admiring the sight in front of you as atsumu began to stir in his sleep.

“good morning,” he rumbled, wrapping his arms around your body to pull you closer. “good morning,” you softly replied, giving him a chaste kiss on his chest. “don’t wanna’ get up yet,” he said softly, a slight rasp still accompanying his voice. “me neither,” you sighed, reveling in the warmth that atsumu’s body gave off. 

abruptly, you were flipped over, causing you to squeal as atsumu’s body towered over your own. you could still note the sleep in his eyes, but the smirk on his face and the twinkle in his eyes overpowered it. “there is one thing i would wake up for, though,” he rasped, leaning down to place kisses on your neck. 

“you fucking perv!” you joked, grinning up at atsumu. “well, then tell me you don’t want it to,” atsumu said, rolling his hips into yours, his hard-on brushing against your clothed center, causing you to let out a soft sigh. 

“i want it,” you said softly, atsumu chuckling from above you. “so easy, sweetheart. thought you’d at least put up a little fi-” “just fuck me!” you interrupted him, atsumu’s laughter growing in volume.

your hands reached for the hem of his shirt, tugging at it, atsumu understanding the message. atsumu lifted the shirt over his head, grinning down at you as he gently lifted you from the mattress, tugging your shirt over your head. 

even after being with atsumu all this time, you could never get over his body, perks of him being a pro-volleyball player, you guessed. his abdomen was toned, soft v-line diving into his hips. he was sculpted like a greek god almost, but you would never tell him that lest his ego gets any bigger.

“ya like what ya see?” atsumu broke you from your thoughts, you could hear the smile in his voice. you must have been staring for too long. in an attempt to bite back, you reached for the clasp meeting at the middle of your back. 

you and atsumu had gotten back to the villa late last night, the two of you had been clubbing, copious amounts of alcohol running through your system. last night you couldn’t be bothered to do anything but sleep, so you changed into one of atsumu’s shirt and knocked out on the bed. 

you removed the bra from your figure, throwing it across the room. you grabbed your breasts in your hands, running your thumb over your nipple, whimpering at the contact for dramatic effect. “ya like what ya see?” you smiled innocently, mimicking atsumu’s response. 

“oh you’re in for it now,” he groaned, spreading your legs. a blush quickly rushed to your face, as you knew your arousal was already apparent on your lace panties. “guess ya did like what you saw,” atsumu teased, but before you could tell him to fuck off, he ran a finger up and down your clothed center.

you don’t know what it was about atsumu, but any time you had sex, you were always so sensitive. everything he did felt good, too good. your responses to his touch would cause atsumu to say that he was the ‘only one who could fuck you right’, and you didn’t disagree. in your previous relationships, none of them had made you feel like atsumu does. 

“so sensitive princess,” atsumu smirked up at you, rubbing two fingers over your clit that was still covered by the lace panties. “please,” you whimpered, rutting into his hand in hopes for more, for anything. “please what,” atsumu faked confusion through his expression, “ya know ya gotta be specific,”.

“want more! want your,” you hesitated for a moment, embarrassment slowly catching up with you, “w-want your fingers and your t-tongue,”. atsumu grinned at your response, tapping at your hips for you to lift, and pulling your panties down your leg. 

he ran two fingers through your dripping slit, bringing them to the light, staring you down as if telling you, ‘that’s how wet i made you’. “stop, tsumu, that’s embarrassing,”, you said softly, the heat in your cheeks rising. atsumu just smiled at you, brought his fingers to his mouth, closing his lips around their circumference, licking off your arousal, all while making eye contact with you.

fuck, you thought, he’s trying to kill me.

“ya taste so good angel!” atsumu said, excitement lacing his voice, “think i need a better taste, yeah?”. atsumu pushed your legs apart, eyeing your arousal before looking back up at you, smirking. 

he latched his tongue around your clit, lightly sucking, moans flying from your mouth freely now. your moans acted as encouragement for him as he began to suck harder, fingers toying with your entrance. 

atsumu shifted his actions, bringing his tongue down to your entrance, and a thumb up to your clit, to lightly circle the bundle of nerves. he pushed his tongue into your entrance now, his thumb still moving too slowly, too softly, but you knew this was intentional. he wanted you to beg, he wanted to whittle you down to nothing more than a slut, hungry for orgasm.

your hips began grinding, in search of more pleasure as atsumu ceased his actions, causing you to groan. he looked up at you, face dead-serious, eyes blank with almost no expression. 

“why are you grinding your hips like a little slut? is this not enough for you?” his hands reached to cup your cheeks, as he brought his face to tower above yours. “it’s never enough for you is it, always need,” he began to mimic your desperate whines, “more, please more!”. 

he smirked down at you, basking in your needy expression. “open,” he said firmly, your body not hesitating to listen. you opened your mouth, your tongue lolling out, atsumu spitting in your mouth. you knew better than to swallow, better than to do something without him saying so, so you waited. 

“now you’re being a good little girl!” atsumu’s smile returned to his face, “swallow,”. he moved back down to in between your legs, looking up at you as he spoke, “now you’re gonna take what i give you since you wanted more, right?”, you nodded at his words. 

“need to hear ya, angel,” “yes i’ll take it l-like a good girl,” you spoke softly, your arousal pooling into your brain causing your thoughts to only be atsumu. “good girl,” he said, his words muffled as his tongue began to place kitten licks on your clit. 

slowly, but surely, atsumu gave you more.

his fingers were plunging in and out of your entrance, the action obvious as the arousal from your center began to sound throughout the room, accompanying your loud moans. his kitten licks on your clit had progressed to harsh sucks, his tongue matching the fervor of his fingers. 

“fuck! gonna, gonna cum! please!” you moaned loudly, atsumu’s fingers retaining their speed. his actions on your clit slowed as he spoke, “not until i say so,”, fast kitten licks being placed on your clit.

“c-can’t hold it! tsumu please!” “not until i say so, be a good girl,” “f-fuck! please, please, please, please!”, please seemingly the only word in your vocabulary, your mind dumbed down by atsumu’s tongue and fingers. 

“cum,” he said plainly, reverting to sucking on your clit harshly, his fingers curling up, tickling that spot. your orgasm took over your whole body, the power of it causing you to curl your toes, your fingers to grip atsumu’s hair, your neck to crane. as it washed over you, atsumu continued his actions until your body began squirming, a new level of sensitivity running over you. 

“too-too much!” you yelped, atsumu retreating, your arousal covering his lips, the tip of his nose, and the bottom of his cheeks. you laid on the mattress, trying to regain your breath as atsumu came to lie next to you. “did so good for me angel,” he said, his fingers tracing your shoulder. after lying for a minute, you were ready to help atsumu, ready to feel him inside of you.

“wanna help you now,” you said plainly, moving to straddle atsumu. “are you sure? not too sensitive?” “i promise, just wanna help you, wanna feel you,” you rambled, staring down at atsumu. “do as you please, angel,”

you grabbed the base of his cock, the tip prodding at your entrance. you began to slowly sink down his length, a slight burn at the intrusion, but you pushed past it. finally reaching his base, you paused for a moment, breathing deeply. you felt so full, it was almost overwhelming. 

you brought your lips down to atsumu’s, bringing him in for a passionate kiss before placing your hands on his chest for support. you slowly began to lift your hips up and down his length, bouncing on his cock. 

as your bounces grew in speed and succession, atsumu’s smug exterior began to falter more and more. his eyes were screwed shut, his eyebrows furrowed more than when he was asleep. his cheeks now had a light pink tint to them, his lips lightly swollen from kissing you.

he opened his eyes to your head thrown back, your tits bouncing in rhythm with your movements on his cock. “fuck, so pretty,” he groaned, moving his hands to grip onto your hips, lifting you up and down his cock manually. 

as atsumu began to rise closer and closer to climax, his actions slowed as he let you take over. you were grinding, bouncing on his cock, moaning incoherent phrases at the pleasure. “angel! angel! i’m gonna-gonna cu-” his words turned into a loud groan, as atsumu thrust his hips up a few more times, climaxing.

you could feel his load inside of you, so warm, so full. atsumu came down from his orgasm, speaking softly, “wanna push it back inside of you,” referring to his cum deep inside of you. he lifted you off of his cock, settling in between your legs as he eyed your center closely. his cum began to dribble out of your entrance, atsumu bringing two fingers to collect the drips, pushing the liquid back into your entrance. 

atsumu shuffled up to lay next to you, plopping his head down on the pillow. “i’m spent,” he looked over at you, softly smiling, “back to sleep?” he asked, moving the comforter further up his body. “bathroom first, i’m not getting an STI cause of your horndog-self,” “well you were happy with my horndog-self a couple of minutes ago” atsumu teased, resulting in you hitting him in his chest.

you got out of the bed, headed towards the bathroom, atsumu whistling at the sight of your naked backside. you did a little twirl as a joke, smiling at atsumu as you headed for the bathroom. 

3 hours later and you found yourself snuggled into atsumu’s body as he lightly snored above you. you decided that it was definitely time to get up, softly removing yourself from atsumu’s body and throwing on a light pink robe. 

you walked into the kitchen, starting the coffeepot as you admired the view you had from the villa. kenya was absolutely beautiful. the first two days were spent on beaches, trips to the massai market, and sightseeing. 

as the last drops of coffee fell into the pot, you felt a large presence behind you, atsumu’s arms wrapping around your stomach as he nuzzled his face into your neck. “good morning,” he said softly, “again,” he chuckled. 

you turned around to meet atsumu’s face, pulling him in for a kiss as you muttered out a good morning in reply. atsumu grabbed two coffee cups from the cabinet, setting them down and pouring coffee into them. 

there you and atsumu were on the balcony, sipping coffee while enjoying each other’s company. you smiled at atsumu as he rambled on about your plans for the day, your ears perking up at the words safari. “a safari?” atsumu smiled at your subtle enthusiasm as he spoke, “yeah! i paid for an independent one, so we’ll have our own jeep and everything,” his smile growing as one appeared on your face. you set your coffee down on the table next to you, smiling at atsumu.

you gave him a chaste kiss, softly letting out a thank you as you grinned. you headed back for the doors into the villa. “i’m gonna go shower,” you turned back to say to atsumu, “you should probably come with me, to save water and everything, you know?”. atsumu grinned at you as he rushed towards you, picking you up and carrying you towards the bathroom, the two of you a mess of squeals and laughter.

you had decided on a comfortable outfit, leggings and one of atsumu’s shirts. atsumu donned similar apparel, wearing 5 inseam athletic shorts, and msby jackals merchandise. the drive to the safari was nice, sza on shuffle, the windows to the car open as the wind rushed through you and atsumu’s hair. 

after arriving, the safari workers assigned you an atsumu a keep, handing you a set of keys, a page of instructions, and a map.

atsumu smiled at you, holding open the door to the passenger side of the jeep. you thanked him with a soft kiss, shuffling into the seat, bubbling over with excitement. you heard the driver-side door open, atsumu getting into the car, smiling at you. “ya ready?” he asked, the smile yet to leave his face. you nodded at him, holding his hand that rested on the console, returning his smile with a similar one. 

your excitement had not settled, and the safari had yet to disappoint. with the package that atsumu had purchased(and the bit that he secretly paid a little extra for), you had your own separate path away from any safari tour buses, or other independent jeeps. the jeep had a walkie-talkie that you had to check in every 30 minutes. 

atsumu had just checked in, signaling that everything was fine as you admired your surroundings. you had passed by numerous animals, meerkats dashing past the front of the car, causing atsumu to abruptly stop sometimes. after they dashed in front of the vehicle, they’d peer up at the car before dashing away. 

you had also passed a herd of elephants, causing you to let out a gasp as you admired the beautiful creatures, atsumu’s heart racing at your happiness. 

as you looked out the window, eyeing the trees and the grass-covered land, the car abruptly stopped. you let out a ‘huh?’ turning to atsumu, an all-too-familiar look in his eyes. atsumu’s hand made its way to the back of your head, pulling you in for a rough kiss. 

“backseat, now” atsumu spoke harshly, and you didn’t hesitate, moving on top of the console and into the backseat, atsumu’s hand lightly slapping your ass. next thing you knew atsumu was under you as you sat on his lap, his covered-hard on so blatantly obvious as you rocked your hips atop his lap. 

atsumu brought you in for another kiss, whimpers falling from both of your lips, but abruptly stopping as the pair of you heard a low growl. “tsumu?” you said softly, fear slowly creeping up on you. atsumu lightly rubbed circles into the side of your hip, as his other hand turned your face to look back at him. 

“i got you, the jeep’s covered we’re alright,” he reassured you, “and it makes it that much more fun, yeah?” he smirked, bringing you in for another kiss. in your relationship with atsumu you had definitely set new boundaries in your sex life. he pushed you out of your comfort zones, yet was always so cautious with you. 

as the kiss got more desperate, you fumbled with atsumu’s shirt pulling it over his head, tracing your hands over his body. you pulled your hands away reluctantly, pulling off your shirt and leaning back in for another kiss.

atsumu’s hands made their way up to the clasp of your bra, unclipping it, and letting the fabric fall down your body. you pulled away from the kiss, tugging at atsumu’s shorts as he lifted his hips slightly, giving you the ability to tug the shorts down to his knees. you quickly rushed to meet his lips again, desperate for the feel of atsumu’s lips. you attempted to take off your pants in the process, huffing out a sigh of frustration when you couldn’t.

you plopped yourself down into the seat next to him, tugging of your leggings as you muttered out angrily, ‘fuckin clothes’, atsumu chuckling at your desperation. atsumu took the opportunity to fully remove his own shorts + boxers, looking over at you once he was done. seeing that your leggings were removed, your underwear along with them, he pulled you back onto his lap, kissing you once more. 

“fuck, want ya so bad, angel,” “then take me,” you moaned onto his lips, atsumu positioning the tip of his cock at his entrance. neither of you felt the need for foreplay, too desperate to feel one another. as atsumu pushed inside of you, you both let out soft groans, moaning at the feeling. 

“tsumu, more!” you almost yelled, finally adjusted to the feeling of atsumu’s cock inside of you. another low growl sounded outside the car, the fear giving a soft spike to your system as you clenched around atsumu’s cock, atsumu groaning at the feeling and throwing his head back. 

“jeez angel, should fuck you around lions more often,” you slapped his chest at his horrible joke, the fear still lingering but slowly dissipating as atsumu began to thrust inside of you. he held you by the hips, lifting you up and down his cock as you remained pliant, moaning at the pleasure he was giving you. 

eventually, he plopped you back down on his cock, slapping your backside, which caused you to jolt forward and moan at the feeling. “get to work, angel,” atsumu spoke, his hands finding purchase on your tits as his thumbs lightly brushed over your nipples.

you began to grind on atsumu’s cock, moaning at the friction, one of atsumu’s hands coming down to rub at your clit. the walkie-talkie began to sound throughout the car as you looked down at atsumu who seemed to be ignoring it, his eyes burning holes through your breasts. 

“tsumu, the walkie!” you said, urgency lacing your voice. you worried that you hadn’t heard it before and now they were coming out to find you & atsumu and in turn, find you in such a compromising position. 

“oh, ya want them to hear us? want them to hear how good i’m giving it to you,” he groaned at the feeling of your walls clenching him, “so now i can check fear play and exhibitionism off the list,” he smirked at you as you blushed at his words, continuing to grind on his cock, nuzzling your face in his shoulder.

"though i feel like we’ve already checked exhibitionism off the list,” he continued, the person’s voice on the walkie talkie continuing to sound throughout the car, atsumu’s voice overpowering it. “you remember that bathroom at the restaurant in rome?” atsumu teased, “god you were so desperate for me, such a little sl-” “tsumu!”. atsumu smirked up at you, happy with his ability to embarrass you with moments like those. 

“fine, i’ll answer the walkie-talkie,” he said, caging you in with one arm, his legs supporting both your bodies as he lifted up from the seat, his arm reaching for the device in the front seat. “hi!” he said, his voice surprisingly unbothered as he settled back down into the seat. “sorry it took so long to answer, i was admiring such a beautiful view,” he spoke, staring right at you as his hands traced over your breasts down to your stomach. “we’re thinking of stay-” his voice slightly faltered as you bounced on his cock, atsumu covering it with a cough, “staying out for a few more hours, um-until sunset, is that alright?”. 

you could hear the person on the walkie-talkie reply, assuring atsumu that it was perfectly fine. “we’ll check in again at sunset,” atsumu said, his hand falling back to your clit, his teeth biting into his bottom lip. “th-thank you” you said, atsumu letting go of the button on the walkie talkie. the desperation was so obvious in your voice, atsumu smirking at the idea of the worker knowing that you were getting fucked so good.

“i gotta cum angel,” atsumu groaned, holding your hips once more as he thrust in and out of your entrance, both of your moans growing in volume. you were so close, just a little more. atsumu could tell. whenever you were close to climax, your tongue lolled out of your mouth, your eyes squeezed shut softly.

he brought his hand to your neck, his thrusts not faltering in speed or intensity. “yeah, you like that huh? like to be choked like a little slut?” atsumu’s words were the push you needed, sending you tumbling over the edge of your orgasm, a moaning mess in the process. your walls convulsing around his cock sent atsumu into his own orgasm, his warm seed filling you as he groaned at the feeling.

your head fell into atsumu’s shoulder, the both of you panting, attempting to regain a steady breathing pattern. you lifted yourself off of atsumu’s cock, the slight burn returning due to how sensitive you were. sitting in the seat next to atsumu, you laid your head on his shoulder, slowing your breathing. 

“that was some good sex,” atsumu said abruptly causing you to let out a soft laugh. you lifted your head off of his shoulder, smiling at him as you grabbed your leggings and panties from the ground. atsumu pulled you back to his body, holding you close to him. 

“tsumu gotta get dressed, don’t wanna be caught naked in a jeep on a fuckin safari,” you squirmed, “oh my god we should probably clean up, do you have wipes or anything? i feel so bad other people have to use this t-” atsumu cut your rambling short, kissing you, your words melting onto his lips. 

“i guess getting dressed can wait,” you said jokingly, kissing atsumu back. you laid back on atsumu’s shoulder, looking out the window from earlier. you saw a lion off in the distance, presuming that to be the source of the growls from earlier. atsumu placed a kiss atop your head, his hand softly rubbing on your thigh.

atsumu had the idea of taking a quick power nap before heading to a different location to watch the sunset. you forced him to put on some clothes and then laid down in his lap as he played with your hair, a 30-minute timer set on your phone. the harsh alarm from your phone began its incessant beeping as you rubbed at your eyes.

atsumu stirred from above you as you sat up from his lap. above the clear cover of the jeep was a giraffe, its neck craning over the top of the car. “tsumu! tsumu, look!” you tapped at his shoulder, atsumu still adjusting to being awake. he looked over at you, then out of the car, spotting the giraffe. 

he looked back at you, admiring the astonishment on your features, a large smile finding its way onto his face. eventually, the two of you were back in the front seat, atsumu turning the key in the jeep, driving in hopes of finding a spot to watch the sunset.

he eventually parked in an area that had a small vicinity clear of trees, the sky melting into an orange and pink color. his hand sat atop your thigh as he looked over at you, still reeling from seeing that giraffe, “tsumu it was huge!”

after your safari tour had ended, you and atsumu had driven to a market, grabbing some fruits and different types of granola for smoothie bowls. making your way back into the villa, atsumu left a playful pat on your backside, causing you to turn back and give him a not-so-threatening glare. 

the blender was running, a mix of fruit and milk in the machine. atsumu had topped off the smoothie bowls with more fruits and the granolas you had picked up from the market. 

“ya know, angel,” atsumu started, “i think we should make like a bucket list, but for sex,” he stated every so seriously. “tsumu, you’re not funny,” you rolled your eyes at him. 

“who said i was kidding, i mean think about what we did today, i feel like we checked off a lot of stuff and i mean a lo-” “tsumu!”

[pabosontheloose]

Work For You (Baekhyun)

WC: 3.0k

TW: None? Neglect?

“Baby?” Baekhyun’s loud, cheerful voice rang throughout the apartment, the sound being followed by his shoes clunking on the floor as he took them off. 

“I’m in the kitchen!” you called back, one hand still stirring the hot milk inside the pot while the other was turning off the heat. From behind, Baekhyun came up and wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his chest against your back. Immediately, his cologne filled the atmosphere, easing your shoulders as he planted a light kiss on your cheek. 

“Hey Cutie, whatcha makin’?” he asked into your ear, eyes peering down at the pot that had steam emitting from it.

“Some hot chocolate, I figured you’d want some after a long day. Go sit.” you asked, to grab the two cups that were on the counter. You can hear the little claps of his hands behind you as he moved to sit on at the table. Unbeknownst to you as you were carefully pouring hot milk into two mugs, he was sitting with his cheek resting on his palm, eyes hooded and lips pulled into a smile that he couldn’t stop if he tried.

He was silently observing you move around. His heart was pounding in his ears as he watched you simply place the pan into the sink and grab two spoons from the rack. When you turned around, he grinned and reached out to grab one of the two mugs in your hands so you can settle down on the chair next to him.

“How was the studio?” you asked. Your legs came up to cross themselves under the table, carefully blowing on your beverage to cool it down. He went to stir the chocolate in his cup before looking at you.

“We’re planning on recording a new solo album. We sampled a few sounds today. At some point Chanyeol came in to help out. My ass is so sore from sitting all day.” he whined a  little, lips pulled out into a small pout before he carefully took a sip.

“Oh a new album? That’s so exciting! What’s it about?” you asked, leaning in. He made a motion of zipping his lips and locking it with a smile, shaking his head.

“I can’t leak that information baby, tsk tsk, you should know better than that. Let’s go cuddle on the couch.” he went to stand up and followed you to the living room where the two of you turned on the TV and set it onto a random show. Although neither of you were paying any attention as little kisses were stolen from time to time during the conversations that were had.

_______________

From: Baek the loml 💓

- Baby do u think u can bring some lunch to the studio today?

- Manager is having all of us stay late today 

- And i wanna see your pretty face before it gets dark outside 😍

From: You

- You’re just using me for my incredibly amazing cooking at this point 🙄

- But sure

- What do u want to eat?

- Also im bringing u a salad

- Bc whenever u prepare for a new album u keep saying u need to stay in shape for the performances

From: Baek the loml 💓

- Anything would be fine

- No cucumbers in the salad tho pls

- AND NO 

- im not dating u bc of your cooking

- Its bc of your 🍑

- 😜

From: You

- extra cucumbers in the salad got it

- see you in a little bit!

When you arrived at the building, security allowed you to go in and the receptionist directed you to the room that Baekhyun was working in. When you arrive at the door, you can faintly hear the music lulling in the room. The rhythm of it was soothing and you were just tempted to open the door and listen but you knew he was excited for this album, so your knuckles came up to the door and knocked.

Immediately, the music was turned off and you can hear someone getting up and rushing to the door. 

Baekhyun’s face lit up once he saw you and urged you into the room, giving your cheek a lingering peck. You greeted his manager who was sitting on the couch going through some of the music sheets. He got up and greeted you back then headed towards the door, saying he needed to go talk to someone regarding the tune of the song and lyrics. 

You settled the bag onto his desk as the two of you sat down. He immediately went to grab the utensils before chowing down.

He, as he said, came home late that night but you didn’t mind. He did let you know about it anyway, so you were able to sleep soundly knowing he was working hard for his fans. 

Several days after that were just the same. He was held back until around the same time as last night, but you had nothing to worry, he sent you a message to let you know. When he came home, he answered your conversation pieces with little hums here and there to let you know he was listening, but you knew he was tired. The shine in his eyes wasn't as bright as before. So, you found a way to fizzle out the conversation by saying you were going to brush your teeth for the night. When you came out of the bathroom, he was already knocked out on the bed. It was endearing to see him curled up, one arm stretched out to where your side was. You carefully slid next to him and could feel his hand grab onto your side as tightly as it could in its subconscious state.

This cycle continued until the “I’m going to be home late” messages stopped altogether. You just went about your day working and then cleaning the apartment before shooting him a couple of messages asking if he wanted you to bring anything so he stays healthy. He responded to the ones he could and then it was just you for the rest of the evening. No message from him about when he was able to come home.

This continued onto the next day.

And the next.

And the next.

At some point, your inbox was just a string of messages from you, and a few responses here and there. But it didn’t discourage you from worrying about him. The way the door of the apartment opened later later during the night, the way he’d silently peck your cheek before moving onto the shared bed and immediately falling asleep, the way the bags under his eyes slowly got more and more prominent; Noticing all of that, and more, made you uneasy. Your brain was throwing up signals to talk to him, reach out to his members, anything to make sure that he was eating well and taking breaks.

Your messages were always read by him, but never replied to. The meals you left in the microwave for him stayed untouched and on better days they were eaten but not entirely. 

This is okay, he’s going to be okay, just a few more weeks until he finalizes the album. Just a few more weeks until he’s able to come home early. Just a few more weeks until he can be in your arms again. You deal with this even if it’s difficult because you care for him so much. 

You tried to ignore the loud silence of the apartment with him being gone for so long. Even the noise from the TV didn’t block out how alone you feel. You’re staring at it but the show isn’t registering, too deep in your thoughts, too tired yet unable to fall asleep until you know he’s home safe. 

________________

Yes, you realized that he hadn’t invited you to the building, but after several weeks of not letting you know if he’s okay or if he’s been taking care of himself, you had to see for yourself. You’ve had enough of feeling his back against your own during the few hours of sleep he got when he came home, enough of sleepily watching his figure leave the apartment in the early mornings. 

And it was a good day today; your design was chosen at the company you work for which was going to take your position to a new step. Also you were the 100th customer at a new coffee shop close to the apartment, so they gave you an extra cup of coffee and pastry on the house. You wanted to share the news with Baekhyun, so why not drop in to see him.

“(Y/n), what are you doing here?” was the first question that left his mouth when he saw you, eyes widening a little bit to make sure he was seeing right. His hair was all messy (you suspected from running his hair through it while trying to figure something out with the songs and schedule but you didn’t comment on it) and he looked a bit irritated. Your head tilted to the side in question as he looked over your form standing in front of him.

“I just wanted to drop by to see if you were okay. We haven’t had some time for ourselves in a while, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” you gave him a smile. One that would usually have him melting just at the sight of it. 

But he didn’t melt. Not today at least. All he could think of was that the song had to come out perfectly and your presence here was at such an inconvenient time.

“(Y/n) we haven’t had time because I’ve been busy. I’ve told you this. I can’t make a mistake on this song, okay? Please go home, I’ll be back later.” he tried to brush you off and went to shut the door but you stopped it with your elbow, causing him to look back at you. 

“What time?” you questioned, keeping your voice leveled. You weren’t mad at him, but a little bit in disbelief. Here you were trying to make sure he was okay, (clearly he wasn’t since he looked exhausted as hell) and he was trying to push you away.

“What?”

“What time will you be home?”

“God, I don’t know (Y/n). Late. Please don’t wait up for me.” he sighed, scratching his temple in frustration. The action causes you to sigh too before finding the words to speak up.

“I just wanted to make sure this album wasn’t destroying your health.” you mumbled, your words not coming out as strong as you had hoped it would. He narrowed his eyes at how you phrased your sentence.

“No. The album has to be great. It has to be up to my standards. And right now, it’s still missing something. I was just about to figure it out until you interrupted. Please go home. We can talk about this later.” he replied. You let out another hard sigh before lifting your hands and giving him the coffee and pastry that you got.

“Here. I got a free order earlier and I wanted you to eat something since it didn’t seem like you were eating much at home. I’ll see you later.” you grumbled as he took the food. When he did, you quickly turned around and headed towards the elevator. Just before the doors closed, you could see him still standing at the door, staring at you, as if something clicked in his head.

You didn’t see him attempt to take a step towards the elevator too but his manager called him back into the room to finalize the lyrics. As he sat down, he opened the paper bag to see his favorite little pastry cake, and noted on the details of the cup that you got his order just right. 

It was as if something knocked him on the head for him to finally understand the position he left you in for the past several weeks. He finally got a clear look in the mirror to see how dark the bags on his eyes had gotten and how his hands slightly shook when he set an alarm for 6PM on his phone under the note “Go home to my Baby”. That day he ordered a good meal during lunch, ate it all, and the thought of coming home to you gave him the drive to complete the lyrics before he was rushing to get to his car at 5:45.

Even if he knew he was in trouble, he still found the shocked look on your face amusing (and really cute but that’s for another day when you’re not passively mad at him) when he came through the door an hour later, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in one hand while the other carried a bag of take-out.

“Okay, I’m not home as late as I said I was going to be, but, I got us food.” he held up the bag, and with a smile, “And this, for you.” he held out the bouquet. You got off the couch to grab the flowers to place in a vase as he sets the bag down onto the coffee table. 

The silence radiation off of you made him nervously chuckle.

“Good news, I finally nailed the song. It’s at Baekhyun standards now. Now we only have to worry about the scheduling for after it’s released but that shouldn’t be a problem.” he tried to cool you off with a few laughs here and there but when you gave nothing back, he started to worry.

“Baby?” he began, “I’m sorry for pushing you away earlier. I realized I was an asshole the moment that elevator door closed.”

“Baekhyun, that’s not the point. The point is that you got so far into your work that you start to neglect everything around you and yourself.” you finally let out after all the weeks of keeping it in for the sake of his work. He silently stared at you, the look in his eyes made you want to engulf him in the tightest hug but you held yourself strong.

“I love you but it was just so hard to see you work yourself so much for this particular album.” you sighed. You don’t notice it but the corner of his lips slightly curled up into a smile as your sentence reminded him of why he worked so hard.

“I haven’t seen you tire yourself out so much before and I was truly scared that you might pass out from the lack of sleep. What makes it so different from the other albums? It’s going to turn out so great because it’s you who made it and your amazing fans will give it the recognition it deserves and why are you smiling when I’m trying to be serious?” you asked him, voice exasperated from trying to keep your thoughts straight but seeing that smile on his face brought back the warmth within yourself. 

“(Y/n), I was gonna keep it a surprise for when the album releases, but now is a good time too…” he started off, grabbing your hands and immediately intertwining with your fingers as a way to start his apology. Your eyes looked up into his in anticipation, waiting for him to continue his sentence.

“I dedicated the new album to you.” the little grin that graced his face after he said that made your heart drop.

“What?” you managed to work out, feeling mist start over your eyes as you waited for him to confirm his sentence.

“The new album that I’ve been working on...it’s dedicated to you. I’m really sorry I haven’t been giving you the attention and love you deserved. I was too focused on trying to make the song perfect so that you’d love it. But in the process of trying to make you feel appreciated through a song, I forgot to appreciate you in real life.” his voice slowly died down towards the end of his sentence. He was going to continue but before he could you launched yourself at him and buried your face in the crook of his neck. The little sniffles he heard was enough to let him know that he was forgiven and he quickly wrapped his arms around your frame, holding you closer than before.

“I’m sorry I got upset, I-”

“No baby, you don’t have to apologize at all. You’ve been trying to take care of me all this time and I took that for granted. From this point on, I’m going to give back to you as much as you give to me.” he was planting kisses on your forehead as he spoke, making sure you understood him as he spoke softly to you. 

Sometime during this intimate moment, he had brought the two of you to settle down on the couch. He held you by your waist on his lap, your thighs on either side of his while you were still hugging him with your face to his chest.

“Since we’re here now, is there anything I can do to make it up to you, Love?” he asked once you pulled away to look at him. One of his pretty hands came up to caress your flushed cheek, resting his thumb there for a second longer, further adding onto the intimate moment you two were in.

“Can I hear the song?” you asked, eyes batting in hope that he’d give you a small version of it but he only chuckled, the other hand squeezing your side as he shook his head.

“Oh baby…of all the things in this world that I can give you, the song is the one you’ll have to wait for.”

[MASTERLIST]

[forsworned]

[✩] collegeau!anonymous admirer. {moniwa kaname x reader}

Genre: Fluff

Categories: F/M

Relationships: Moniwa Kaname/Reader

Word count: 1,412

a/n: hello dropping another oldie while i work on request, should b a student genya x reader that i got from ao3 but just a reminder that i don't do underage nsfw or anything nsfw or sexy themed cuz that's extremely weird, but if you wanna drop a request in my inbox please b sure to read my faq thanx

Every morning you'd wake up and check your tumblr to have a little message in your inbox from the seemingly same anon with a cute pick-up line. At first you thought that maybe you had reblogged something along the lines of "fill my ask", but it started to become a routine. It was never anything raunchy or lewd, just cheesy, cute one-liners that'd make you smile to yourself. Though, you had really appreciate whoever was sending them to you, you were starting to get really curious. Who could they be? Someone thousands of miles away or just around your area? It was hard to decide. You sighed as you shut down your laptop and slid it under your bed. You really shouldn't have been on your laptop at such a late hour. Finals week started tomorrow and you were beyond nervous. Sure you had studied but you always felt a bit on the edge during these five days. The thought of your anonymous admirer was the last thing on your mind before you drifted off to sleep. At least, they'll keep me positive throughout the week.

But you were wrong. It had been five days. Five days your inbox had been empty. Five days since they had last messaged you and you were actually beginning to feel a bit upset. Had something happened to them? Had you reblogged or posted something that they found offensive and possibly unfollowed you for it? You let out a groan as you spread your arms across your mattress and lay flat against your back. At least finals week was finally over and you could relax. Your phone made a small noise and you reached over your dresser to check whatever the notification you had just received. You almost jumped for joy when you had saw that you got a message on tumblr. Quickly logging on from your laptop, you clicked on your inbox, though it had a similar choice in pick-up lines it wasn't your typical anon. It was... "k-name?" You voiced aloud as your face scrunched in confusion. But then it hit you. You could finally find out who your anon admirer was! Your heart raced as you clicked on the icon and revealed the mystery person's blog. There wasn't much information, just a small quote on the bio: "Forever an Iron Wall" Hmm... That sounded a bit familiar. As you racked your brain for something that could connect to the quote, you hovered over the links and found the appearance link. Jackpot. Hurriedly, you had clicked on it but it was as if your laptop sensed your urgency and wanted to fuck with you because it was loading insanely slow. "C'mon you slow piece of shit." You muttered to yourself. A few agonizingly slow moments later, the page had finally loaded and your mouth dropped as you laid eyes on him. "Mo-moniwa Kaname?!" You exclaimed. Your face nearly burst into flames as you threw yourself back onto your bed and raked your hands through your hair, shaking your head in disbelief. No way, it just couldn't be him. You were dreaming. Getting back up again you scrolled through the many photos he had posted. Most of them with his teammates and some shots of him throwing the ball up into the air.  Moniwa had been someone you admired from afar. His spirit and gentle personality is what attracted you to him, but being the shy person you were, you never approached him. You went back to your inbox and read over the pick-up line. How was heaven when you left it? And there is was again, that overwhelming feeling in the pit of your stomach whenever you saw him or were anywhere around him. How would you even begin to reply? You fingers hesitated over your keyboard before you hastily replied. Heaven is anywhere you are You slightly cringed at how cliche that sounded, but as you tried to click on the text box to undo it your mousepad had acted a bit out of sorts and pressed on the answer privately button. Oh shit. "NO!" You exclaimed, as you slapped your face and fell onto your side. What have you done?! Now you really ruined any chance you possibly had with your crush. That night it was safe to say that you didn't get much of any sleep.

- - -

Waking up you felt as if you hadn't even fallen asleep at all. Your mind was murky as you washed up, dressed and got onto your campus shuttle. As you plopped onto the seat, you let out a small groan as your threw you head back and stared up at the ceiling of the moving train. "No sleep?" The voice resonated in your ears and you took a moment before you turned to the stranger. Though your reaction was delayed, you could barely believe who was seated right next to you at that very moment. "Mo-moniwa-san?!" You near shrieked, as you stood up straight and looked at him with ample eyes. His cheeks were tinged a rosy hue as he bit back a laugh. You turned a few grouchy college student heads due to your random outburst and you sulked a bit as you felt your cheeks warm. "I-I mean, weird seeing you here..." "Really? We've been riding the same train for the past three months." He replied. Your attention now fully on him as he looked down at the floor, expression slightly saddened. Had it upset him that you never noticed him on the same train as you?  Well, of course you idiot. Who wouldn't be upset? He laughed a bit as he looked out the train window and you tilted your head to the side in confusion. "I mean, I guess that makes sense since I'm probably overshadowed by much better looking guys." He sighed and rest his palm on his chin as he wandered through his thoughts. "That's ridiculous." You said a bit too quickly. His feline like eyes shifted towards you and you gulped a bit as you continued on. The morning sunlight shone on his form, giving him a celestial glow and your lips parted in as you gawked at him in pure awe. Your mouth moving with your mind. "Heaven is anywhere with you." His breath seized as he realized what you had spoken and you clamped your mouth shut. The train had come to a stop and you grabbed your belongings and rushed through the doors. Shit. Shit. Shit.  Had you really just fucking said that?! A far but audible, "hey!" could be heard though you didn't stop. A hand on your shoulder had given you quite a fright as your whole body tensed. Damn, you thought you had outrun him... "Hey..." He breathed out. You turned around seeing Moniwa out of breath, body slumped over as he let his arms fall to his side. "Jeez you run quick."  He straightened up with one eye squinting as he looked up at you, as the sun beat down on him.  "Aren't you part of the volleyball team?" You blurted. He chuckled. "Used to be. I'm getting out of shape. But damn, this is just ridiculous..." He mumbled the last part as he felt himself starting to regain his composure. "What you said earlier though," The blood rushed to your cheeks as you felt yourself shift uncomfortably under his gaze. "Uh, u-um--you started it with the cheesy, cute pick-up lines! And then you stopped for five days and it--damn it--was surprisingly pretty hard getting through finals week without having you send a dumb one-liner. I mean, at least I had something to look forward to."  His eyebrows raised and his mouth open ready to utter a word, though he's speechless. Had he really developed that affect on you? "But--but they were so terrible I thought I--" You nervously scratched your cheek. "Well, yeah, but I really liked them. It made sense though, why you stopped. Our finals meant a lot more than just a meaningless message a day. I'll just be going now." You finalized and began to walk toward your campus, but he caught your wrist in time and you turned to meet his gaze.  "You don't mean that." He spoke. "I don't." You replied, not bothering to hide your smile. A small pause before you spoke up again. "Let's talk about it over coffee, yeah?"

A large grin now on his face as he nodded. "I'd like that."

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (15/17)

Summary: “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” And Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Note: Feedback is very much appreciated!

Link: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

“Belated happy birthday.” That first greeting was underwhelming in the deafening silence.

The room had been strangely quiet and it had been that way since he first entered, a far cry from the air during their past sessions. Shela should have waved one hand as he closed the door behind him. Even before he got to the seat, she should have been throwing multiple questions in succession.

What else did you get written?

Anything happening in school?

How’s Hange?

Oddly enough, Shela had only followed him with her eyes as he entered the room. The silence had felt like something pounding in his ears and her gaze had become something worth trifling his own consciousness with.

To top it all off, it had ended so anticlimactically with one greeting that Levi was left utterly confused as he sat on the chair in front of her.

What do you want her to do? Levi found himself asking silently as he matched Shela’s stare with his own.

Her blue eyes though were still warm, her eyes wide with what could have been curiosity. Levi started to suspect that it had all been a figment of his imagination that only a while ago they were watching and observing. Even as he settled on his seat, he sensed there were still questions up in the air that Levi could have grasped if he reached hard enough.

“Is that why you called me here? A free birthday session?” Levi asked.

“I just thought it was a good first greeting.” Shela’s voice was casual, innocent, and almost annoying.

Something wanted to burst out from inside him. That excuse of a greeting had only done the bare minimum to help it. In fact, it had done worse. It poked at him, whispering to him to figure out for himself what the hell that something was..

He was in no mood for a guessing game though. And he hadn’t been for the past few weeks. “Then why did you call me?” He asked. It had been a tall order to match her gaze, to come up with the right answers to questions she hadn’t even asked yet.

Shela shrugged. “I just wanted to check on my favorite patient.”

“I haven’t been your patient in a while.”

“We had scheduled sessions. You just didn’t go to them.”

“I was busy…. Besides, don’t you have anything better to do than chase one patient?”

Shela raised one eyebrow. “Don’t you have anything better to do than to come here? You had a choice to answer that message and believe me, you’re free to leave if you want to Levi.” She gestured her hands towards the door in one long exaggerated movement.

One movement that only served to sink Levi deeper into the sofa chair. In those few seconds as Levi leaned back, he saw once again the gradual shift in her gaze from something innocent to something cold and observing, and it was as if she was studying some sort of a specimen. And he was the specimen.

He was certain that was the exact same gaze he felt as he went through the door. But it wasn’t at all unfamiliar. Those had been the eyes she gave after all when she had asked the precise questions that broke the icebergs inside him into chunks instead of winnowing through the hard surface.

Why did that gaze in particular have him tense up at that exact moment? Levi didn’t have to wait too long for an answer though.

“You haven't written in a while,” she said.

“I deleted it.”

Shela didn’t look too surprised though. “Why?” She asked.

“It just seemed like a useless thing to do.”

“Why would you say it was useless?

“I was wasting a lot of time with it.” “So you did continue writing after our last meeting.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Just a guess… You only deleted the file a few weeks ago so it must mean you were thinking about it.”

Levi’s eyes widened and soon, he was starting to rack his brain for an explanation. “I don’t remember sharing you the file…”

“Hange told me what happened.”

“So you asked her about me?”

Shela shook her head. “No Levi, she approached me. She was worried about you.”

Hange. Levi found himself taking a glance at his phone in the silence that followed, the third message from the top of his inbox. Last touched weeks before.

He had decided to spend the holidays and his birthday back home. He liked to tell himself that he had only done that because with his hectic student-athlete schedule the past few years, he never had the chance to spend more than three days worth of holidays back home. When at home though, all he had done was lock himself in his bedroom for days on end.

Levi couldn’t convince himself for long. He had only gone home to avoid Hange, to avoid any reminder of the past few months and to avoid the almost nagging regret at having deleted the file.

With the file gone, he had felt like something was missing, painfully missing.

“And I’m concerned about what’s going on between you two,” Shela said.

“You’re paid to be concerned.”

“Oh? So you think I only became a therapist to get paid? Believe me Levi if I didn’t care I wouldn’t have called you here today. I could have gotten another patient and have been paid this extra hour.”

“Then why are you here? Why did you ask me to come here?” Levi felt stinging behind his eyes and a knot in his throat as he spoke up. A part of him actually contemplated leaving at that moment, yet it had been brushed away so quickly by something else, an odd feeling of desperation. He wanted something from her. Hell, he wanted something but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.

“I told you, I was worried and I wanted to make sense of this with you,” Shela answered. The answer had been underwhelming to say the least especially with the way she narrowed her eyes at him.

And if Levi hadn’t been so desperate for any sort of closure, for that particular reaction he so looked for, maybe he would have just stood up and left.

Shela wasn’t done though. “Are those memories trapping you?”

Memories? Since when had it been about memories? “What memories?”

“Memories of Commander Hange. Captain Levi,” she said confidently, as if they were her memories to begin with. She spoke in such a way that she could have even been talking about real people. Very real people.

Such confidence, such forcefulness and her attempt to shoehorn all that into his reality sent a sudden sting through his chest. If Commander Hange was real, that meant she really died, that meant she really burned alive up there in the sky.

Levi would have preferred that image to have just been a figment of his imagination. “They’re stories.”

“Yet for a while you wanted to believe they were memories right? So what happened in between Levi? What did I miss?”

“I realized… They weren’t real…”

Shela let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re still trying to deny it huh? You’ve always been difficult to crack…” She cleared her throat. “So, Hange told me, the commander died. Then you deleted the file and now you don’t wanna talk about it right?”

Levi didn’t reply.

Shela continued to speak, seeming unfazed. “Here is something I noticed about you. When you injured your knee, your first instinct had been to insist you’re okay then soon you shut up and find something else to cling to--- writing. When writing started to hurt, suddenly you decide to delete the document then tell me everything’s fine. What are you gonna do now? You’re gonna find a new hobby?”

Academics, jumping. He thought to himself. Levi had spent the past few days isolated in his room back home, finishing his own thesis and following the jumping tournaments of his own teammates. As if there was much else to do anyway.

Shela rested her chin on her hands and stared straight ahead. Her eyes seemed to focus on something behind him, as if the answers were found beyond the wide window behind him. “I started to think to myself… Why did Hange’s death of all things hurt you enough to cause that same grief? I read your story, you could have mourned Erwin’s death, you could have mourned your Petra's death, mourned Isabel or Farlan’s death. Why Hange’s? Why did she push you to the edge enough to delete the file?”

“It built up,” Levi answered. That was the most natural explanation right? Or at least the most natural he could think of.

Shela nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer. “Let’s move on to the next question then. Do you think that Hange’s death was any special? If there was something that made it the tipping point in the first place?”

“Can’t a tipping point be something small?”

Shela shook her head. “Tipping points can be small I agree but remember, when you told me you weren’t going to write anymore? It was as if you knew what would be happening next. You looked terrified.”

Somewhere along the way, the remnants of Shela’s gentle facade had completely fallen, replaced by something stone cold, yet confident and almost mocking. Levi was starting to get a little more irritated at such assumptions. Regardless of whether they were true or not.

“So tell me Levi, what makes Hange so special? What made Captain Levi so hesitant to write the next part? Then what made this Levi here want to delete it soon after writing it?”

Levi only had to look behind him, at the sky just outside the window to articulate it for himself. It was surprisingly easy to grasp. It was a simple feeling after all that never left. “It hurt,” he admitted. He could have said more but he had found himself at a loss for words a second later as he imagined the rumbling before him and that one silhouette that disappeared into the blue.

“And if you’re that invested in Hange’s death. I’m sure Erwin’s death, your special squad’s death, should have hurt as much right?”

“They hurt too,” Levi added. He started to become a little more aware of himself. They hurt too but as much as Hange’s death? Not enough for sure to even have him consider deleting the file.

“Then why didn’t you delete the file if they hurt? From what I could tell Captain Levi was inseparable from Erwin.”

Levi let his eyes fall to the empty coffee table in front of him, searching for something worth a distraction among the pockmarks of the wood. Shela’s eyes were getting sharper by the second.

“I’ll ease you into my theory slowly and feel free to tell me if I’m wrong...you and Hange were inseparable right?”

Captain Levi and squad leader Hange Zoe. They were from different teams but they did hang out a lot together. With that quick recall, Levi nodded.

“And you lost a lot of people in your life… So I started to wonder, if Captain Levi spent so much time keeping his distance, being aloof, completely aware that the everyone could end up dead, why did he cling to Hange?”

“Captain Levi cared about a lot of people.”

“I wasn’t denying that Levi. I was asking you, why did he cling to Hange? Why were they inseparable? Attraction? Mutual Support? Love? All three at once?”

The last three words had been things Levi found himself musing over as she continued to talk. But then, he couldn’t figure out for himself the answer. “We couldn’t fall in love. There was a war.” Those words had come out on their own. He only realized seconds later that it didn't answer the question.

Shela gave him a cat-like grin. “We? Huh?”

Levi cleared his throat. “They---,” he corrected.

“Okay, you’re beating around the bush a little too much. I’ll tell you my theory and if you don’t make the effort to figure it out for yourself, this will be my assumption. You didn't think she’d die. You didn’t expect her to die so you took her for granted. Am I wrong, Captain Levi?”

“Took her for granted…” Levi almost spat out those words as he said it. “You can’t just assume that…”

“By take for granted, I meant ‘I can get past pain, death, loss, as long as she’s there’ and for what? You just assumed she was immortal didn’t you? That she couldn't die, since she's always been there. And so the moment she died, suddenly grief hit you like a bus.” She straightened herself up on the seat. “Maybe you thought you would have died first?” Shela pressed.

“I was dying in the woods. I thought she’d be the one to survive the whole time.”

“But you know, it’s not uncommon for people to be this way. To have this person there and just assume that person's immortal, or to think ‘as long as this person is here’ I’ll be okay. It’s only natural that humans find hope in the living. For example,a lot of parents do that too with their own kids and that’s why parents losing their kids are one of the most devastating cases of grief I’ve encountered…” She trailed off. “But I digress, There’s one question about you I’ve been exploring for a while and I’ve always wanted to ask. You might not know the answer yourself but it’s worth a try.” Shela paused and looked at him expectantly.

Even when he sat on her chair, frozen by her cold stare, he still managed to force a nod.

“Why do you remember? Why is Captain Levi forcing his own memories to live on? Unless he had some unresolved feelings right?”

Attraction? Mutual Support? Love? You took her for granted.

Even when moving, Levi let those words, those suggestions run free in his mind. The feeling, the ache in his chest, the weight on his shoulders and the knot at his throat that only evolved into some tremble in his lips. It was everything at once, Levi was sure.

Maybe, I took her for granted. Maybe I should have stopped her. Levi thought to himself. But he wasn’t going to say it out loud yet.

“And something tells me you don’t regret much Captain Levi Ackerman,” Shela said. The gentleness in her face was back. “But maybe if you allowed yourself to regret back then, maybe all these feelings of regret, grief… They wouldn’t have bundled up now, you wouldn’t be hurting like this. You didn't let yourself experience grief and loss… You didn’t let yourself regret even in your deathbed. Now, everything just comes pouring out in your next life because you just let it build up inside you?” She had phrased it as a question but as Shela enunciated those words, Levi couldn’t help but see deep thought in them, as if she had discerned and answered the question for herself already.

“How can you assume that?” Levi challenged. It was a weak attempt, at that point he was starting to get more and more convinced. It had just been a matter of reality pulling him away from an almost ethereal concept.

Soon, he did grasp it, the thing he had been looking for, that one feeling he had been desiring since the start of the conversation.

It manifested first as a knowing smile. And before Levi could respond, grip on to some decent comeback to her long winded tirade, he found himself hesitating, focusing instead on how his shoulders dropped and how the wind was knocked out of himself slowly and the quick movement as he shifted his weight to his hands pressed on the sofa.

“I’m not assuming how you feel. I’m laying out some information, coming up with a theory and leaving it in the air for you to decide whether it’s true or not.” She didn’t continue from there. Instead she dropped her clipboard on the table and walked towards one of the bookshelves, pulling out a blue binder.

“What if it's too detailed to pass up as a reasonable theory?” Levi managed to say. He found himself counting the lines on the wooden table in front of him. In a daze, he had been too distracted to reorganize for himself, Shela’s theory. And he started to even doubt his own ability to respond.

“I’ve been seeing other patients, I think I’ve encountered enough to make some fair guesses. Besides, I told you I’ve been studying reincarnation for a while.” She dropped the blue binder in front of him on the table. “But you still think it’s too detailed to be believable huh? What if I told you I experienced it too? That's why I know the details."

Levi could only stare at the blue binder. He only got so far as to hover his hand over it before he hesitated. He looked up at her, following her as she sat back on the chair in front of him.

“What are you waiting for?” She asked.

“Should I open this?”

“I wouldn’t have put it there if I didn’t want you to read it Levi,” She was looking at him expectantly as if she was excited for him to see what was inside.

Levi started to wonder why he even hesitated. Regardless, he still went at it slowly. The plastic cover on the binder was warm to the touch and for a second or so, he allowed himself to pinch at it, see where the plastic would give into the pressure.

Maybe he had been on that for a second longer than he should have. He was still hesitating. He was still nervous.

“What are you scared of? It’s a binder,” Shela said.

“What’s inside?”

“It’s my research on reincarnation.”

“For your PhD?”

Shela paused for a second before answering. “I created two pieces of writing for my PhD, something stomachable by the scientific body and something just for myself,” Shela explained. “Because I honestly don’t think anyone would have believed it either if I was telling them I was seeing very clear visions of a past life.”

Do you really believe these were memories from a past life? Levi muttered. For a second, he had wondered if he had said it loud enough for her to hear. But when he opened the binder, he quickly realized he didn’t need an answer.

The title of the work was generic, easily forgettable. But the subtitle underneath and the author’s name spoke to him in ways Levi couldn’t fully comprehend just yet. Comprehension came quickly after running his eyes over the title then the subtitle underneath

He read her name out loud. Her first name settled at the back of his mouth and he couldn’t be too sure if he had pronounced it correctly. But when he said it a second time, the name rolled off his tongue too easily, as if it was all too familiar. His mind had just taken a split second longer to process it.

From my past life? Levi thought to himself. At that point, he couldn’t be too sure. It had seemed like too distant of a memory. He never had to use her name with her after all. He only remembered her having taught him to pronounce it eons ago.

Her last name next to it was all too familiar, yet surprising. And Levi had little to no problem, saying it for himself, even when still recovering from that small bout of surprise.

“Ackerman’s my maiden name,” she explained. “And I’m sure you saw it already, my first name is a little old fashioned.” She didn’t seem so self conscious though, as if she was aware that many lives ago, she had been teaching him to say it back when it had been just the both of them in the underground city.

Levi said her whole name out loud again. As soon as he looked back up at her, putting name to face, he found himself transported back to that small room, running his hand over her curly black hair and locking gazes with those piercing cold blue eyes. Then, they were his only source of comfort, his sanctuary.

And he never did figure out if he said it right back then in the underground city. Just to make sure though, he read it aloud in front of her again, willing himself to say it clearly and firmly.

“Written by: Kuchel Ackerman.”

***

Bookends. That’s how it seemed at least. Levi had two pages written out by that night.

He had his earliest childhood memories up there, everything as visceral as possible from the sights, to the scents, to her touch. With not too much context though, his earliest memories stuck to him as comforting sensations more than anything. Within an hour of writing, he gave up and concluded that he never did remember much of it.

Right under those early childhood sensations, articulated to the best of his capabilities, were memories after Kuchel’s death, training to fight in the underground. Then, written below that were narrations on life after the war, his remaining years on a wheelchair, travelling around Marley, joining the peace ambassadors on occasional trips.

There was no transition between them, nothing more glaring than paragraph breaks.

They were two sections with little to no connection to each other. But Levi at least knew for himself, that in-between would have been those long winded narrations on his life in the survey corps and his life during the war against Marley.

For some reason, he wasn’t too bothered about the missing parts though. As if he had already accepted for himself that he made the decision to delete it.

Finishing what he started. That’s what it felt like and that’s all there was to it. Reading Shela’s own work after all had him somehow accepting that they were memories more than dreams.

Something that had to be immortalized somewhere/ The acceptance though that the grief, the loss and the pain were memories not dreams was slow going. The dreams had been painful, realizing they were someone’s reality, only aggravated it.

Kuchel’s words echoed in his head. The last questions she said before they separated that day. Back then, she had escorted him to the door of her office and they had stood there for a few minutes before parting ways.

Can you let it go?

I don’t even know what I’m trying to let go of. For all he knew, something died in him back in that day in Odiha. Consequently, there were emotions he couldn’t even access, as if part of life had ended for him in that single moment.

You can’t access or comprehend those emotions because you didn’t let yourself feel it. You didn't ride through it.

And she had pointed it out then. Captain Levi had never been the most emotional person because he had never allowed himself to feel.

That’s your homework. Ride through the pain, the loss, the grief, the regret. And when the time is right, you’ll be able to let it go. I know you will.

Opening the laptop wasn’t easy. Staring at the blank document sheet and deciding for himself the first words to say took ages longer than what he would have liked.

As soon as he had decided for himself that he was going to write though, everything came out so seamlessly. He only had to hover his hands over the keyboard, feel for the right keys, for them to start moving on their own. It turned out writing with little regard for grammar and punctuation or for unwelcome emotional reactions, was oddly liberating.

He had started off with bullet points but soon enough the sentences were too long and the bullet points were rendered useless. Eventually, he scrapped the bullet points altogether.

“There was a peace treaty,” Levi said aloud as he typed it out. “Armin and the others, they became peace ambassadors…”

“And Mikasa…” Levi trailed off as he remembered. She was back in Paradis, back in their old town of Shiganshina where Eren’s head was laid to rest. He thought back to Mikasa and for a second he almost felt guilty for even questioning her decision to stay with Eren. “If this was how it felt for you, I wouldn’t be surprised why you’d be hesitant to leave him,” Levi said, he leaned back on his chair, stretched out his good leg and stared blankly at the ceiling above him.

The pain was similar, he was sure. He had seen flashes of visiting an empty grave as he wrote. The white ceiling above him and the contrast it provided made those dark memories all the more vivid.

The face he had been longing to see though, as he stared at the grave then, was just a phone call away. And before he even noticed it himself, he had reached for the phone next to his laptop, turning it screen up.

He had no one else to call so her number and their message thread was still one of the first on his inbox. Even if he hadn’t opened it in weeks.

Of course, it would. Hange had sent messages multiple times the past few weeks..

December 23 8:15 AM

I heard you went home.

December 25 12:01 AM

Happy Birthday! :D

January 1 12:00 AM

Happy New Year! Wishing you a bright new year and a speedy recovery

January 3 6:21 AM

Wanna talk when you get back?

January 5 2:23 AM

Hey, I’m sorry about everything. I should have been more sensitive to your needs. Even if you don’t wanna meet after this, it’s fine. I had a great time working with you and I’ll remember these past few months :D. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.

Just assure me please. Did you get to talk to someone? I hope you did. I was just concerned. But it doesn’t matter too much now. As long as you’re okay.

Levi didn’t scroll up past those last few messages. The rest had been paragraphs worth of apologies even he didn’t want to ponder.

Besides, there were more important things to him then, like finding the right words to say as a response to that latest message.

He sensed closure there. Yet, he wasn’t ready for closure. His mind was scrambling for some way to reopen the conversation then.

It was late at night though. Levi was exhausted and impatient. He was sure if he sent something and slept it off, he should wake up to a message the next morning.

So the message he sent then had been automatic, typical. It didn’t require too much thought to compose.

January 9 11:17 PM

Hey, when are you free to talk?

He decided then, he could leave it to his future self to come up with another response in the morning.

***

Levi’s sleep was light, light enough that the quick ping of his phone was more than enough to wake him up. He was awake enough to reach for his phone on the side table, pull it under the blankets with him and open his messaging application.

It wasn’t Hange who had messaged.

“Coach?” Levi muttered as he sat up in bed.

Sorry if this is pretty last minute. Mikasa agreed to meet at the track today this afternoon around 3-3:30. You think you could make it?

Levi typed a short text accepting the invite and sent it out.

He pulled at the curtains of his window. The sun was out already. He stared back at his phone at the upper right of the screen.

9:23 AM.

He was oddly disappointed. Other plans meant he didn’t have to think about the ignored message at the top of his inbox. He had sent the message at eleven last night. It had been almost twelve hours since then.

Was she taking a really long slumber? Or was she just ignoring him?

Nothing much to do until three so Levi opened his laptop and worked on his own thesis. Working on something as utterly boring and monotonous as a school requirement though didn’t make time run faster.

Levi was sure he had gone through at least fifty articles of doping cases among professional athletes. When he looked back at the clock though, he saw only two hours had passed.

He ordered lunch. Time went notably faster when he was just scrolling through his social media, yet excruciatingly slower still than what he was used to. And the main culprit? Hange’s online status and her activity on social media.

Hange was still liking photos which meant one thing: She was ignoring messages.

He went down to pick up his delivery from the dorm lobby and on the way up, he took a detour. All the way to Hange’s room on the other side of the building, a five minute walk for most people. For Levi it could have been ten minutes or it could have been ages. He still had that awkward gait which made the journey all the more frustrating.

The hallways were quiet but it wasn’t unexpected. School didn’t start for another two weeks. Hange’s room was along the quiet hallway and Hange had always been loud. So the stark contrast had been unsettling to say the least.

What do you expect her to do? Run down the halls screaming your name? He thought to himself. For some reason, that was what he was expecting and that was what he would’ve liked.

He took advantage of that silence. He padded lightly through the hallway, attempting to segregate the sounds of the creak of the floorboard with whatever he sounds he could make out from the rooms.

Nothing much. All silence. Of course it would be silent though, that wasn’t Hange’s room yet.

Her room was towards the end of the hall, the third to the last door to the right. Eventually he got tired of keeping his footsteps and his awkward gait light and he found himself scurrying--- at least to the best of his own injured abilities--- towards the door.

He willed himself not to make a sound. He wasn’t sure though if he had been the sneakiest.

He was still quiet enough at least to hear something. He had to press his ear to the door to hear it clearly, the rhythmic clacking of the keyboard, the sound of books hitting the desk and a loud yawn that had been very much Hange’s.

The loud yawn in particular sent a twinge up his spine and an ache in his chest and Levi had to swallow hard to get his bearings. He missed her.

He knocked on the door once. Then twice to make sure she heard it. Then he waited five long seconds for any response.

There was no response. He slapped the door. Still no answer.

Within a few seconds more, he started to get self conscious. She didn’t reply to his messages while being glaringly online. She was blatantly ignoring his knocks on the door. Did she actually want to see him?

And Levi was starting to notice the growling of his stomach. It was enough of a reminder that he hadn’t even had breakfast that morning.

A little disheartened, he made the journey back to his room.

***

The coldest point of winter was coming. Levi would have noticed it by just looking at the calendar. It had been a while since he stood outside long enough to let the cold sink deep under his skin.

And he was only reminded of such weather patterns when he stepped on to the open air track which was understandably empty. Two in the afternoon shouldn’t be too cold but that day in particular had Levi shivering, his teeth chattering in such an unfamiliar way.

That would have been expected. He didn’t spend much time outdoors anymore, Maybe that had explained that sudden, unfamiliar susceptibility to the cold. He could never be too sure though.

He scanned the field for any sign of Mikasa or his coach. What first caught his eye then had been the horizontal bar, set up where it always was. He hadn't returned to the field since his injuryand seeing the bar like it always had been, sent a wave of nostalgia and longing through him.

For a while, he was fixated and for a few seconds more, he vacillated between sitting on the bleachers or walking to the middle of the track where it was set up. Alone in the field though with nothing much else to do though, he opted to pass the time reminiscing

The bar was set high enough for Levi to have to reach up but still low enough for him to be able to grip it hard. It was cold to the touch. It was a fair distance away from him and it hovered over him, masquerading as something almost unattainable.

But maybe it was unattainable. Levi found himself strangely sad at the distance, still unable to fathom that only a few months ago, that bar had been a very easy height to clear.

“Hey… Your coach said you’d be here.”

Levi quickly turned towards the voice.

Mikasa stood before him in joggers and a sweatshirt. Her hair clipped back, red blotches on her cheek. Levi only had to listen to her breaths and notice the way she curled her lips as she took steady breaths to conclude that she had been running.

“Coach is training you now? In the middle of winter?”

She shook her head. “No, I wanted to try out your track for myself. He left the club room and the equipment room open and told me to just try it out while he goes out to check on your team.”

“What made you change your mind?”

She avoided his gaze. “To be honest I’m still not completely sure about this yet. Your coach knows I’m not. But I thought I’d try it out, get to know your school more.”

“It’s a good choice,” Levi said.

For a second, the two were silent. Levi chose that moment to look back up at the bar in front of him but he could see from his peripherals, Mikasa still hadn’t looked away from him. So he waited.

She spoke up eventually. “Hey, about what happened at the diner… I’m sorry about that. I know I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I heard about your injury a while back, even before we met. Even if I don’t like jumping that much either, I think it would have hurt too…”

I’m fine. That had been his first instinct and he had opened his mouth ready to say it.

That’s your homework. Ride through the grief, the loss, the pain. Kuchel’s voice tore into his train of thought.

Will that actually help? He had been riding through that grief last night as he wrote, he had let it wash over him then. If he had been a little more introspective, he would have realized although it did hurt, it wasn’t a heavy, crushing type of hurt. It was a pain that still allowed him motions.

It granted him enough control to still function as a person. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m not.” But it was still hard to admit. “It takes time,” Levi added as he looked back up at the horizontal bar and behind it the clear blue sky. The color blue was bright, warm yet melancholic.

Mikasa didn’t reply. Her stare though seemed more focused. When Levi looked at her, made eye contact, comprehension washed over him. He knew she understood. And he caught that comprehension quickly like some contagion.

He spoke up again. “Eren means a lot to you huh?”

“We grew up together, lived along the same street. We went to the same school since kinder. And since we were young, he'd get agitated a lot, pick a lot of fights and I always had to look out for him.” Mikasa put one hand behind her neck and craned her neck to look up at the sky. “I almost hesitated to even try jumping since I wouldn’t be able to protect him as much anymore…”

“Why did you start jumping then?”

“After I got scouted in sophomore year, Eren convinced me to try it. He was the one who wanted me to widen my world.”

“And he talked to you again about this?”

“He and Armin did. They told me to consider this.”

“Then it should be an easy decision.”

Mikasa smiled. “I know it’s supposed to be an easy decision. But how I feel about Eren doesn’t make it easy.. I’ve known Eren my whole life and don’t get me wrong, I’ve never lost him but... Somehow, I can imagine how it would feel like to lose him. So I don’t wanna let go.”

“But losing people, losing things that are precious to us is a fact of life. We’re gonna deal with it anyway. Besides, you’re not losing him, he’ll make college in a year or so.”

“He won’t make Paradis University.”

“You’ll have him on the weekends.”

“But will I be able to handle that set up?” Mikasa met his gaze again. She never lost Eren or so that was what she said.

Will I be able to handle it? Yet why was Levi seeing grief in her eyes? Why did such a strong wave of comprehension hit him almost violently in that moment where their eyes met?

Empathy? It was an easy answer to pick up for himself. But maybe it ran deeper than that, because suddenly, Levi was aware of the ground under him, the cold air caressing him, the loud rustle of leaves. He was feeling everything at once. And with it, he felt the twinge in his stomach, the pang in his chest, the knot in his throat.

The grief never left. The loss never left. And the pain gripped him tightly then. Letting himself feel it had left him with a strange bout of confidence, and a wave of liberation that seemed to stick and when Levi spoke up again, he wondered if he was speaking for himself or for her.

“You won’t know if you can handle it until you ride through it yourself.”

Mikasa seemed convinced.

His coach had arrived a few minutes after the conversation, incessantly apologizing about the traffic. The usual pleasant exchange followed.

“How are you?”

“Slowly learning to walk again, focusing on academics.,” Levi answered. “How’s the team?” They were preparing for nationals. He didn’t need an answer. There were still things his coach knew though which couldn’t be researched and he was still invested in any response his coach could give.

“They’re preparing for nationals, training in the indoor gym.” The indoor gym a few minute car ride from their campus. Levi had been training there every winter and it was easy to picture the drills they were probably doing then.

It soon evolved into some unnecessary athlete propaganda which Levi surmised was to entice MIkasa.

“The scouts for the national team have been watching Elijah closely. He’ll probably be getting an invitation soon after nationals are over,” he said, soon after the pleasantries had died out into an awkward silence. Greg turned to Levi. “They were asking about you too. You’d have gotten the invite. No one’s forgotten about you.”

Was that for Mikasa? Or for him? Soon, Levi started to ask. Was that supposed to cheer him up? Levi couldn’t gauge intention though and he found himself looking away as he started to feel the beginnings of a loss of control.

Mikasa may have sensed it. Or at least sensed that moment as a good time to speak up. “Could you tell me more about your athletics program? Levi told me a lot about his experience here and I think I might just be interested.”

The digression and the exchange that followed was quicker and more enthusiastic than something Levi would have easily caught on to. Suddenly Greg was shifting between enthusiasm and relief. And it evolved to some offer to tour her of the school. Then some mentions about dinner.

Levi though was making excuses. The campus was too wide for him to walk through injured. It was getting a little too cold. And with the peak of winter nearing, it might just even get dark in the next hour or so. His main reason for staying wasn’t among those though.

He had been sneaking glances at the bar and at the blue sky behind it. While the field was empty, while the school was lifeless and while the bar and the equipment was set up in front of him, he realized he might just have some unfinished business on the field.

“You guys go ahead. I’ll fix up the equipment here.”

“You sure?” Greg asked as he looked pointedly at Levi’s knee.

“It’s the least I can do. Besides, it won’t be too heavy after I disassemble it.” Or at least it wasn’t so heavy when Levi had carried it before. He turned to Mikasa. “Go ahead, enjoy the day,” Levi said, nodding his head reassuringly.

It didn’t take them much convincing. Greg was too excited and Mikasa started to seem eager as well to see the school.

And Levi wanted them to leave. Alone in the empty field with the equipment all set up, brought forth within him some unwanted feelings yet feelings which Levi wanted to process for himself one last time.

That’s your homework. Ride through the pain, the loss, the grief, the regret.

He was riding through it already and he was at least trying to find hope in that dreadful journey that left him almost desolate. Along the way, as he started to process the emotions, he fixated on the view of the bar, and maybe just a flicker of someone flying through the blue sky behind him. He soon stumbled upon one conclusion, one conclusion that Kuchel had suggested yet he had never really thought too much for himself until that moment.

At that moment, Levi let the emotions speak for him.

Regret is an emotion. Even if you say you don’t regret, even if you come out as the type not to regret, for sure you’ve regretted things right? It was a feeling you willingly chose to brush away. Kuchel had said then, as they had gone through her case study.

Levi had done his part to brush it away, to find something else to entertain him and to only hope that the emotions leave. But they never left. The aches that came with the view in front of him only proved it to him even before, and in that moment, it continued to prove it to him much faster and in more numerous ways than he could count.

So how do I stop feeling this?

You don’t. You can’t control how you feel. You can only control how you process it. The emotions leave when they want.

But when the time is right, you’ll be able to let it go...Before you know it, you’ll find closure.

Around that time, she had mentioned the word 'closure'. But closure had always been a vague word. It manifested as something different for everyone else. Levi soon realized as he started to move, it was a word that could never actually be contained to a black ink on white paper, or to spoken word.

For Levi, it had manifested at something he only sensed as something hazy. He thought he had control of his body then but along the way, it had felt like his body had assessed it for himself, the circumstances that he could only take advantage of at that moment.

He was alone in an empty field, the empty field he hadn’t visited in ages. The equipment was all set up for him. And if he closed his eyes then, allow himself to ignore the biting cold wind, the bare trees. If he just focused on the bar and the blue sky behind him, he could pretend it was summer again and before that, spring, and before that the last summer… Every single season—hell—every single day he had spent jumping over the bars.

His body was moving on its own, as if it understood the concept of closure before he did. He made his way to the clubroom.

I never did clean up after the injury. Levi thought to himself. His spare clothes, his spare pair of shoes and his face towel were all still in the locker, as they had been every time before. It was surprising, he had assumed someone would have cleaned it up.

He didn’t think too much of it though. There were other things he was raring to do. At that moment, he was just grateful nobody had half a mind to remind him, or he probably wouldn’t have been able to go through with his plans.

Levi put on his shoes, his right then his left. He changed to jogging pants and to the sweatshirt left in his locker. And for a second he did some test movements with it.

It was baggier than what he would have wanted, but he wasn’t in a competition, Levi could be as lenient as he wanted about it.

Beggars can’t be choosers. Levi thought to himself as he rolled up the jogger on his left leg and stared at the braced knee underneath. He could walk, he was sure. Yet just imagining himself removing the brace, left an unsettling feeling inside him.

He ended up pondering it for a while, a while longer than he was aware of. Soon enough, he decided on wearing it on the way back to the track, to just give his knee time to prepare.

On the way back, he passed by the equipment storage and he found himself thinking a lot harder about it. He looked back to the equipment in the field. Mikasa had mentioned setting it up. She had set up the pad underneath, but it had been an incomplete set up. Or so that was what Levi recalled.

There’s supposed to be a pad on top. Levi recalled. He opened the storage room to see the weather cover and the top pad, strewn on the side.

Lugging both the weather cover and the top pad would take two trips. Levi approximated. But did he have the time for two trips?

His coach was unpredictable. And just the idea of them coming back to catch him attempting such, was something Levi didn’t want to imagine then. So he folded up the weather cover and dragged the mat behind him, ignoring the uncomfortable twinge in his knee.

“Hey, you need help?”

Levi hadn’t expected anyone to be there. And of all people, Armin? “What are you doing here?”

“Mikasa told me she’s going out to dinner with your coach so she asked me to pick up her things from the club room…” Armin started. “I was here on campus already so…”

Levi softened his gaze, only realizing when Armin had trailed off quickly, avoiding his stare that he had probably been glaring. “You’re meeting Hange?” He asked, willing his voice to mellow.

“She’s been busy with thesis and I offered to help her out… So I’m picking up the stuff and will be meeting her soon after,” he explained. “But I arrived a bit early and I have some extra time." He offered his hand out to help.

Armin was extra hands. Extra hands meant time could go faster. And for sure, he could get Armin to hide his next set of plans.

“So, why are you bringing this to the field?” He asked, as they walked along the dirt path to the field.

Levi shrugged. “I guess I wanna try jumping one more time before I leave it for good.”

“But…”

Levi didn’t have to look at him to know what he wanted to suggest. “You’re thinking about my injury huh? It’ll be fine. I just wanna get a few jumps in.”

“It might be better to wait a few months?” Armin suggested.

“The team is training outside. The field is empty. The equipment is all set up and I’m graduating soon. When else but now?” Levi asked. Thinking back to it soon after he asked though, he could have waited a few months, maybe go back to school to just try it out one last time. But as they turned the corner and as the field opened up before him, Levi only had to look once again at the pale blue sky that stretched endlessly behind the field to be reminded, it ran deeper than that.

“You can wait a few months… I’m sure your coach---” Armin started, as if he had read his mind.

“When else, but now?” Levi pressed. The sky was starting to make its slow transition to purple, then. Orange and bright red were the next colors beyond that. And Levi started to see some of the steam, the colossal titans that marched forward slowly but surely. That one flicker in the sky though, caught his attention. She was concealed behind steam, and flashes of orange and bright red.

How much time did he have?

Armin took a deep breath. “This might sound weird. I’m probably the last person you wanna get advice from… I’m younger than you… and we just met… But Hange probably just rubbed off on me but you know, I guess I’m worried. I heard about your injury months ago, before we even met, Mikasa told me… It was in the rumor mill of the high jump community.”

So what?

“It must have been devastating huh? To lose something like that... Something that has been a constant in your life for five years even ten years…”

Devastating. Was that the right word?

“You must have regretted a lot…”

Did I let myself regret it? He willed himself not to regret then. It was a conscious decision to let the emotions flow free. Soon he had to admit— albeit uncomfortably— he regretted it.

“Then I thought of Mikasa. I actually talked to her about this, about Eren. And you know I was able to convince her that there is a life beyond Eren.”

“So let me predict, you wanna say there’s life beyond jumping?” Life beyond Hange?

Armin nodded. “I know it sounds generic. You probably heard it a million times before but… That was what Hange told us when you left…”

Levi didn’t have to listen to Armin quote it to hear it in her voice.

But… You understand, don’t you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. I know it’s difficult to accept. It’s hard to stay sane, living like that. It’s painful. So painful. I know that.

But even so… We need to move forward…

Armin continued. “Move forward… because the world was wider than Eren. And I guess in your case, the world is wider than jumping. Now that I think about it, maybe you and Mikasa were facing similar things.”

It’s hard to stay sane, living like that. It’s painful. So painful. But we need to keep moving forward.

“Keep moving forward… But that’s what I did,” Levi said.

“But when Mikasa brought up the injury, I noticed it and i saw it still hurt you a lot— I’m sorry if I’m just making wild guesses here. I might be wrong.”

“What else did Hange say?” Levi asked. “After ‘keep moving forward?”

It was easy for Levi to imagine her saying that.

There is liberation in riding the pain through, accepting it will happen and just believing you can get past it.

There is liberation in everything. It’s just a matter of believing that happiness will come again.

“I reflected on it too, with Mikasa…” Armin added as they settled on the lowermost bleachers, closest to the bar. “And I thought of something… What if, the reason it’s so painful is because a part of us dies when we lose something. If Mikasa decides to leave Eren, part of her will die, the part of her that clung to him, her childhood, being with him everyday. They might just fade into distant memories the moment she decides to go to university. But there’s a life beyond him. And exchange for whatever part dies with her, her world widens..."

Levi nodded, glancing subtly at the view of the horizontal bar, the sky was shifting to a bright red behind it.

“Something inside her will be reborn. Maybe like reincarnation? There’s our college life waiting after high school, then our work life after that our family life, then retirement then maybe even other lives after that… Maybe even after we die... There's another life waiting for us.”

Levi shrugged. “You might be right,” he said. There was nothing much else to say. He stood up again and approached the landing pad, dragging that extra pad behind him.

“That’s it. After jumping, after whatever we’re doing now, we’re gonna graduate, move on to our next life. Then we just trust that things will get better, we encounter new things, new people to keep us going. We’ll find something else to keep us going.”

Then an old part of us dies and we’re reincarnated as a new person. That was the last sentence, Levi remembered Armin saying, or so that was the message he remembered.

He couldn’t be too sure about Armin’s exact words. Armin didn’t follow behind him either and his voice started to fade into the background.

Even before Armin’s words could whittle into nothing though, the orange sky started to scream at him, the horizontal bar, only nearer, started to goad him in. “That’s why I wanna enter that new life with no regrets,” Levi said.

Eventually Armin gave up.

Or Levi might just have gotten better at ignoring protests. He got better at creating that world, that consisted of just him, the field, the horizontal bar and the sky. The sky that was still a bright orange, the last flash of light before night blankets it. He didn’t have much time.

So Levi gave up on putting the pad on top. He gave up on the weather cover. He unwrapped his brace and threw it towards the side of the field..

Just one jump. The inhibitor within him promised. It sent a buckle through his knee and a light twinge of pain. It could have been stronger than a twinge, but Levi refused to feel it..

There’s just one thing I need to do for myself and I’ll close this part of my life for good.

Captain Levi never regretted. Or so that was what he had willed himself to do before. But everybody would regret even at least once in their life. Levi was part of that everyone and he had kept his own regret mum inside him. It festered into a wound, then to a scab and eventually it grew to shackles that kept him from moving freely, from moving on.

Ride the pain, the loss, the grief.

So he let the shackles do their work, he let the weight slow him down as he walked towards the starting line.

For a few seconds more, he found himself having to catch his breath as the sun made its way down from the horizon. It glowed a bright red, and along the way it released flashes of orange and yellow.

Soon enough, it was just him and the sky. Then him, the sky and someone else.

“Commander Hange Zoe,” he muttered quietly, yet still loud enough to hear it himself. That word, that name, only made that flicker up in the sky a little more lucid.

The silhouette that flew up in the mountains. The silhouette that flew past the buildings and up at the colossal titans.

That silhouette that burned into nothing up in the sky.

The rustle of the leaves, the biting cold and the distant footsteps though still threatened to pull him out of that world he created for himself. With the sun starting to disappear before the horizon, before the bright red--- the flames--- burned through the flicker. Before the flicker fell to the ground and burned out, Levi knew he would have to move.

Why don’t you want to jump? Levi asked himself. His knees were still buckling. The footsteps were still moving. He could get caught soon if he didn’t do it then.

When else will I be able to do this? Levi pressed, an attempt to push his body forward. His body was starting to disobey, or at least the scabbed knee, his joints, the remnants of bruises in his neck from each painful fall that led up to his injury. The biting cold and the pain at his throat from breathing the dry winter air made him even doubt his ability to run.

Certainly, he was in no shape to jump. But he wasn’t giving up just yet.

Eventually, he did find the right question, the one that had him recalling, then feeling everything at once. And it got his body moving.

Why did you start jumping?

I had dreams. I dreamt I could fly and when I jumped, there was this sense of nostalgia…

Letting himself name the emotions for what they were, he soon realized, the comfort that came with jumping wasn’t borne of nostalgia. It was borne of regret.

Captain Levi had one regret which he never entertained. One regret that ran so deep it could never be summarized with a single question.

Should I have stopped her?

Should I have run after her?

Should I have fought with her?

Back then, he never did go after her. so he never found answers. But in that split second flying feet up in the air with just the view of the blue sky above him, he always found hints to it.

So he continued to jump, higher and higher.

You won’t find the answer, no matter how high you jump. Something inside him nagged.

But I wanna leave this part of my life with no regrets. “I wanted to save you,” Levi said. It was only himself who could have spoken or heard him. So maybe he had said it a little louder, he couldn’t tell.

The flicker in the sky started to burn and like the many times he had envisioned that scene, he expected it to fall over soon. He was certain of that.

I should have tried to save you.

Trying never guaranteed success. But trying always had that special ability of just cushioning a fall, protecting against the impact of regret that followed.

And maybe that was the right thing to do. That alone had been enough to send a burst of energy through him, to bring back the muscle memory that got him succeeding at each height, winning competition after competition.

He wanted to fly. So he ran, like he had done many times before. He let his steps bounce, ignoring the pain in his knee.

The horizontal bar was nothing but a convenient silhouette, a guide towards his actual goal.

If I tried to save you, would things have ended up different?

Commander Hange Zoe was the source of energy that got him bouncing on that knee. It got him ignoring that white flashes of pain that followed. She was up there in the sky, fighting the colossal titans and Levi was determined to fly after her.

He positioned himself to jump in that split second, like he had done many times before. As his body turned to his side though, he saw another Hange Zoe.

She wasn’t a flicker nor a silhouette though She was clearly there, chestnut brown hair, bright eyes, like she had been in every single one of the competitions. He needed a split second more to process her. He was pressed for time though so he opted to look straight ahead, to focus on the jump.

“Levi!”

Levi was already up in the air when he heard her call out, when reality gripped at him and attempted to pull him back. Suspended up in the air, floating, it had been easier to pull away.

That was his last jump, his last attempt to save Commander Hange Zoe and he would see it through

There were things though people can will with all their minds, yet their body would still choose to disobey. If the body hadn’t been such a limiting factor, maybe everyone would have been an Olympic athlete.

Levi only had that crushing lesson on reality, hit him hard when he landed painfully on pad, the bar underneath him.

The flicker that he could have sworn was Hange faded into the sky. Or maybe it had fallen over too quickly, in the few moments it took Levi to blink.

The sky shifted into a deep blue. It would shift to a darker blue, then soon, the sky would be painted black. It took the flicker in the sky that had been Hange and soon it would be taking his surroundings with it.

Right after taking her? He would have wanted to ask. He had learned it before already, reality was cruel. There was no use bargaining with it.

It was starting to get cold. The heat in that moment as he made the jump and the heat of the fiery death he had witnessed, waged war with the winter chill that was starting to eat at him too.

Too many discomforts to process at once and in that second, Levi was almost grateful for the desolation, the disappointment that was also nagging at him then.

So he gave it some traction and soon, some place in reality. “I’m sorry, I can’t fly anymore,” he whispered. Those words should have been between him and whatever flicker had disappeared in the sky.

There had been an intruder though and Levi was slow to notice it. “Levi! What were you thinking?” she asked.

Gentle hands ran through him. Familiar hands pressed at his knees, at his arms. “Just thought I’d try it one last time.” Levi answered as he turned to the voice.

Hange’s face softened as they made eye contact. “Levi… you know the momentum comes from the run… With your injury, you wouldn’t have been able to even jump heights less than two meters..”

“I wanted to. Just one last time.”

Her hazel eyes were on him again, and they could have been glistening, illuminated by the already dim light as the winter sun shone with its last few rays.

“You don’t need to...” She helped him into a sitting position and Levi followed suit, surprised out how his body was still obeying him

Need to what? He hoped to seek clarity in the seconds that followed. Shaken for sure by those bursts of movement, the pain that came and the pain he had expected to come, he found himself unable to speak.

But it turned out, he didn't need to. He couldn't speak so Hange spoke for him. “If you don’t want me to, I won't leave you,” she said.

A minute ago, it had been hot. A few seconds ago it had been chilly. When she wrapped her arms around him though, the war between hot and cold ended with a comfortable compromise. Her tight embrace was lukewarm. “I’m right here… And I'll be right here for as long as you want me to be."

[2996-sana]

Seeking Arrangement - Rosé

Part 1

The pitter patter of the rain served as background noise for Y/N and Lisa who was sat on their couch munching on some cucumbers, eyes glued to the Kdrama playing on the TV. Y/N let out a dramatic sigh as she watches Ko Moonyoung and Moon Gangtae lock lips for the first time. The sound was not lost on her best friend who shot her a grin.

“Are you going all soft again, Y/N?”

Y/N rolled her eyes at the teasing tone in Lisa’s voice. This was not new as she was always on the receiving end of Lisa’s jokes about her being such a hopeless romantic. Though Lisa found this amusing about her best friend, she thinks there is strength in Y/N’s ability to believe in love after the shit her ex-girlfriend Suzy put her through. Could you really blame her? Being in love was without a doubt one of the best feelings in the world in Y/N’s book. For her, it was an overwhelming yet warm feeling that stretches throughout your whole body once it enters your life and leaves you feeling like you’re on top of the world (but its all fun and games until your partner cheats on you).

Despite this though, she was not in a hurry to find love. In fact, after the tragedy that was her last relationship, she just wanted to lie low and have fun for a while.

“Shut up. You’re lucky you’re in a stable relationship,” Y/N scoffs.

Lisa and her girlfriend Jennie have been together for 2 years now (3 years next month) and Y/N envied the love shared between the two.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. No one can resist you for too long,” Lisa tries to reassure her best friend, wrapping an arm around her.

Y/N grimaced, “Eh…I don’t really want anything serious at the moment. Especially after Suzy.”

Lisa pretends to gag at the sound of Y/N’s ex-girlfriend’s name, “I agree. Have fun and take it easy. You should like…I don’t know…find a sugar daddy or something.” They both chuckle at Lisa’s words, knowing she would never even think about it.

•

It was hours later on her bed while typing out a reply to some guy she matched on Tinder that she realizes how hard it was to find a worthy candidate to waste her time on. These boys lacked substance and were coming at her with the same pick-up lines. She wonders if they all got them at the same Fuckboy Convention. It didn’t help that she rarely matched with girls either.

She groans at the reply that came through.

Wyd tho? U tryna fuck?

“The audacity of these boys,” she mutters under her breath, closing the app.

As she stares at her ceiling zoning out, she remembers Lisa’s words from hours ago. A sugar daddy. She laughs at her best friend’s ridiculous idea. She could never.

Unless? No. It’s stupid. She doesn’t wanna give out any sugar AT ALL.

But she was bored out of her mind. For the past 3 months, she has been cooped up in her bed wallowing in self-pity while listening to the very suspicious sounds coming out of Lisa’s room. There were also only so many pep-talks she could give herself until she grew tired of her own words. It was this that fueled her to sit up and turn on her laptop. After all, she considered boredom as an invitation for her to find something that would raise her serotonin levels. And what is the value of life without a little fun? She owed herself the first few months of her breakup to relax and take care of herself after all the mental damage, but now she needed a little play. She needed both the loud and quiet joys of life, peace with a little bit of wild mixed in. It was needed to feed her soul.

She also couldn’t lie that she craved some sort of human connection and validation. Yeah, she definitely was not proud of that last one.

Y/N stared at the keyboard, not believing what she was able to type into Google.

How to find a sugar daddy?

What she found out during her deep dive in the wondrous world of sugar daddies and babies was the number one site to find one was called Seeking Arrangement.  

So that is where she found herself, blinking at the statement written in bold.

100% Free to Join!

To hell with it, she thinks as she begins to fill out the application.

30 minutes later, she nods in approval as she scanned through the photos she chose. She would totally hit herself up if she was a sad middle-aged man desperate for companionship. As she hits submit, she was met with pictures of men – and surprisingly women, although there were considerably more men – complete with their basic information.

Looking for a woman to spoil.

Looking for love.

Looking for a loving companion.

Looking for a good time.

It was nothing she didn’t expect to find at a sugar baby site but it was the net worth of the men and women displayed on her screen that caught her eye. She was almost tempted to message one of them but couldn’t find it in herself to do so. She rolls her eyes at the thought.

She spent hours researching and signing up for a sugar baby website and she still finds herself being stubborn about making the first move.

Glancing at the clock, she realized that it was almost 4AM. She decides that she was going to wait for someone to message her first instead. Besides it gives off the vibe that she’s hard to get and that’s always a little bit sexy, right?

•

"Y/N! Wake up! I made banana pancakes.”

Slowly opening her eyes and stretching, her foot meets a hard surface. The cold metallic feeling on her foot was enough to remind her of her antics 7 hours ago. She hides her face on her hands, sighing. Why did she think that was a good idea?

Once she was out of her room, she was met with the sweet smell of banana pancakes and nutella. She dragged herself to where the smell was most present and found herself in the kitchen where both Lisa and Jennie sat on the counter. Jennie threw a gummy smile her way while her best friend simply nodded at her presence, busy stuffing herself with her girlfriend’s banana pancakes.

“Vas happenin’, love birds?” she greets them with a faux British accent.

“What kind of dollar store Zayn Malik am I hearing right now?” came Lisa’s reply to which Y/N’s response was to smear Nutella all over her best friend’s face.

“Yah, Y/N!” Lisa whines as she hits Y/N on the shoulder.

Y/N gasps as she prepares to retaliate.

“Children! Stop it.” Jennie scolds the two. She was used to the duo’s playful fighting but she also knew it could go on for hours if she doesn’t put a stop to it.

Both were quick to stop but stuck their tongues out at each other.

Y/N grabbed her plate to return to her room. She glanced at the couple making sure they were preoccupied enough not to notice what she was up to.

You have 11 unopened messages!

A loose grin formed on her face at the notification. Not bad. She hurriedly opened her inbox to find the different men who deemed her worthy to reach out to.

It was all pretty tame, it being the typical greeting. She sighed, already bored. It wasn’t until she reached the bottom of her inbox where a small gasp came out of her. She sat up and read the sender’s name.

Rosé Park. A woman.

She excitedly clicked on the woman’s profile.

It only took the woman’s profile picture for Y/N to realize that this Rosé Park was the type of woman she fantasized about. For starters, she was a brunette and the woman was a blonde. She was a sucker for blondes. Who could resist a good brunette and blonde wlw duo?

Santana and Brittany. Rose and Rosie. Clarke and Lexa. Piper and Alex. Need she say more?

Basically, Rosé Park was a dreamboat. Something radiated from her pictures that Y/N knew rendered her irresistible to both men and women. She could outshine any of these men on the site any day. It also only took her profile picture to realize that the woman was a big deal. Her outfit looked straight out of the pages of a fashion magazine. Why would gorgeous and rich 25-year old Rosé Park want to talk to a normal and boring 23-year old like her?

Y/N composed herself, fighting back a smile, before returning to her and Rosé’s chat.

Hi, gorgeous. I passed by your profile and knew I had to talk to you. Looking forward to your response x

Y/N’s blush seared through her cheeks and for a minute she thought her face was on fire. She suddenly felt awkward, demure, and coy; even going as far as attempting to hide her rosy features behind her slim fingers even if no one else was around to see her. She blames it on the fact that an insanely beautiful woman complimented her. So naturally, it took her at least 5 minutes of over-analyzing every possible response for her to actually send one.

Hi there :) You’re one to talk. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

To her surprise, three little dots indicating Rosé was typing appeared beside the woman’s picture.

Haha, cute.

Hmm what brings you to this site, Y/N?

The woman’s question made her pause. She doesn’t even know the answer to that. Was she supposed to make some shit up?

Um I was bored.

She facepalms herself as she hit send. Really? Your brain cogs couldn't turn fast enough to come up with a more interesting response, Y/N?

Y/N thought she blew it as 45 minutes has passed and no response from the blonde bombshell came. She internally cursed herself for her boring response to the woman. Rosé probably thought she was an airhead.

•

It was 10PM after binge watching another Kdrama with Jennie and Lisa that she remembered being left on delivered by Rosé. Her mood quickly sours as she realizes she ruined her chance at getting to know the beautiful woman. Thinking to distract herself with the depressing fact, she goes to check if any of the men messaged her back. Sure, a man could never fill the void of a woman but she really needed to talk to another human being besides Lisa and Jennie.

Y/N was apparently in for a surprise because what awaited her was a message from the woman.

Well, I hope to provide some sort of entertainment for you ;)

I’m not one to beat around the bush Y/N. I think you’re stunning and a good lay in bed. That’s a really good source of entertainment for the both of us, no?

Jesus Christ. She was not expecting that.

Y/N knew what being a sugar baby entailed but she was still brought to a shock at how blunt Rosé was being and so early on into the conversation. The thought of being with Rosé like that, being able to feel her skin against hers, the godly sounds that it would elicit…

Her private thoughts made herself blush. It seems like if there was anything Rosé was good at it was making Y/N blush. But her unholy thoughts about the woman didn’t create a cute soft pink tint on her cheek like a healthy outdoors glow, it was beet red. Y/N figured that Rosé was probably highly practiced at the art of seduction. Rosé’s looks although a masterpiece sculpted by all the deities that exist… well, nothing so pretty could possibly harm you, right? But it was that combined with Rosé’s choice of words that had anyone she chose to even focus her attention on jumping through hoops to please her. So, she swallowed her pride and forced herself to play it cool, putting on a mask that she thought would appease the woman she really wanted to impress.

I like the way you think, Rosé. I like to think I make great company in bed too ;) Give me a time and place and I’ll be there.

•

That message was what lead Y/N to the 21st floor of Seoul Forest Trimage Towers, one of Seoul’s most luxurious and exclusive apartment complex, standing outside of Rosé’s penthouse two days later.

All the reasons not to go through with it and just leave came flooding in. Y/N can feel the soft panic growing inside her body as she wills herself to breathe in and out, not quite ready to ring the doorbell just yet. But before she could finish her fourth exhale, the door was opened to reveal the woman who has not left her mind ever since signing up for that damned site.

“I grew tired of watching you hyperventilate so I thought I’d do you a favor and open the door for you.”

Y/N almost choked on air as she looks at Rosé for the first time. The pictures on her profile did not do her justice at all. The woman could have graced every billboard or magazine in the city and she wouldn’t even question it.

Y/N did not say anything - did not know what to say. She was conscious of the smirking woman standing before her, dressed in a white dress that stopped just above her knees.

“Do you wanna come in, Y/N?” Rosé’s voice was dripping with amusement, eyebrows raised. Shyness wasn’t usually Y/N’s gig so what the hell was going on?

“Yeah, sure.”

Once she entered the threshold that Rosé called home, she immediately noticed how fancy and expensive everything was. She was immediately drawn to the large window overlooking the whole city. The glass was so clear that it looked like a high definition screen at the movie theatre.

Rosé quickly picked up on her fascination, grabbing hold of Y/N’s hand and leading her to the glass window. “Cool, huh? I picked this unit because of the view. The city below is so far away it's like another world. This penthouse is my cocoon and the window, well, the window shows me as much detail as I want to know.”

Y/N could only stare at their joined hands and then to the woman beside her, intoxicated by her words. “It’s beautiful, Rosé. I’d kill to wake up to this every way. You have great taste.”

“Yeah I do have great taste huh?” Rosé looked her up and down, biting her lip before chuckling. (Y/N swears she saw the gates of heaven open at the sound)  

•

A few hours later after a candle lit dinner prepared by Rosé herself and a bottle of wine, Y/N finds herself straddled in the living room couch being kissed roughly on the neck as pure pleasure runs through her entire body.

“Fuck,” she pants as she feels Rosé grind on her. Unable to control herself anymore, Y/N holds Rosé’s head in her hands and pulls her into a fiery and passionate kiss.

“Someone couldn’t wait,” Rosé smiled against their lips.

With a laugh, Y/N pushed Rosé down on the couch, switching their positions, not breaking the kiss. Y/N’s hands slowly work their way around her body, tugging on Rosé’s dress.

“Off.”

Rosé sat up slightly, allowing Y/N to pull down the zipper of her dress, feeling skilled fingers unhook her bra. Rosé tears it off herself before reattaching their lips. Immediately, Y/N’s hands found itself on Rosé’s breasts as she tugged on her nipples.

Rosé gasps against her lips causing Y/N to pull away, making her way down and sucking on the skin surrounding Rosé’s breasts before soothing it out with her tongue.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’m not complaining,” Rosé giggles but whimpers midway as she feels Y/N’s tongue latch onto her nipple.

“Probably the wine.”

Y/N couldn’t help but think that their bodies fit together as if they were made just for this, to fall into one another, to feel this natural rhythm.

Y/N’s hands drop to Rosé’s thighs, caressing her from above her panties. Rosé moans at the feeling of the soft silk rubbing against her as Y/N’s mouth still busied herself with her nipple.

“Oh my god.”

Rosé grips her hand tightly onto Y/N’s hair as she feels the wetness between her legs. “Take your clothes off. I wanna see you.”

Y/N stops devouring her nipple to pull her shirt off. Rosé drops her hands to the zipper of Y/N’s jeans pulling it down and slipping her own hand in.

“Good to know I’m not the only one dripping wet,” she teases.

Before she could begin her sweet torture on Y/N, she feels hands finally moving inside her panties and her mind went blank.

Fingers toyed with her nub making Rosé bite down on Y/N’s shoulder. Thumb continuing to rub Rosé’s nub, Y/N slipped two fingers in. Rosé moaned so loud that Y/N swears it was enough to get her off.

Pumping her fingers around Rosé, Y/N felt a smirk making its way on her face. She couldn’t believe she was on top of the godly woman seeing her face all scrunched up in ecstasy. She feels Rosé pulling her in for another heated kiss as she picks up her pace inside the woman. With every moan and whimper coming out of Rosé’s mouth, Y/N feels her own wetness.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Y/N mutters under her breath.

She could feel Rosé getting close as the woman’s grinding on her fingers became sloppier and her breaths became more uneven. Burying her face on Y/N’s shoulder, Rosé tries to stifle her moans as she finally comes undone.

Y/N slowly leaves feathery kisses up and down Rosé’s neck as she waits for her to come down from her high.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.” she hears Rosé trying to catch her breath. “I honestly wasn’t expecting you to take charge tonight.”

“Maybe I’m just full of surprises,” Y/N grinned, pressing a kiss on Rosé’s temple.

Rosé slowly sat up as Y/N leaves her place on top of her. “I guess you are.”

They both sat in silence as they picked up their clothes scattered on the floor before putting them back on. Rosé was the first one to break the ice as she reaches for her purse on the wooden table. It was at that moment Y/N remembered why she was even there in the first place. Disappointment stabbed through her like a knife. Somehow during the duration of the night, she made herself forget that she was there because of an agreement made online. As if she was there spending the night with a new lover, both milking the feeling of a love that just arrived. The night started out like a sweet melody of a blackbird -- full of promise, freshness, and newness to come. Now it sat like a cold cup of coffee waiting to be drained away. All of a sudden, she felt dirty and used and all she had to blame was herself. Rosé’s words from a few hours ago during dinner echoed through her head.

I signed up because I have no time for relationships. I’m just too busy for that. It saves me the hassle of meeting new people and having to get to know them, y’know?

And truthfully, no, Y/N didn’t know. She remembers Lisa telling her she loves like a puppy - devoted, playful, and trusting. So, no, Y/N didn’t know. She just didn’t roll the way Rosé rolled.

“Here you go,” Rosé reached out with a wad of cash in her hand. “Go treat yourself. You deserve it.”

It was the way Rosé said it, so confident and smug, that Y/N knew that she was not Rosé’s first rodeo. The woman sounded like she does it so often that she just didn’t care anymore.

“How many girls receive this same amount of cash?” Y/N laughs quietly and she hopes it didn’t sound as bitter as she felt.

“A couple a week,” Rosé grins so nonchalantly it makes Y/N stomach churn. “Why?”

“Nothing,” Y/N awkwardly shifts in her place on the couch. “Um, you really don’t need to. I’m not looking for cash.”

Rosé actually looked shocked at the girl’s statement. “I’m a little bit lost here.”

“I signed up because I was bored and curious not because I’m low on money,” she laughs keeping an unamused tone. “I really didn’t expect to reach this far ahead. So, you can keep your money Rosé.”

Y/N got up and started walking towards the door. She was halfway there when she felt Rosé grab her wrist.

“Why do you sound angry? Don’t act as if you didn’t know why I invited you here, Y/N.” Rosé looked at her confused. “We met through Seeking Arrangements for god’s sake. I thought we had a good time.”

Rosé did have a good time. Aside from the mind-blowing sex, she was impressed by Y/N’s ability to be present during a conversation, always having her own two cents to offer, which lead to a lot of fun and meaningful discourse all throughout dinner. She had never met a woman through that website as enchanting and beautiful as Y/N. Y/N was a smart woman who was good at sex and Rosé liked that. A lot. So why is she being difficult?

Rosé saw different emotions flash through Y/N’s face before settling on a look of defeat. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I did have a good time.”

Y/N stepped closer to Rosé. “I loved being here with you and money was never on my mind tonight. Maybe that’s why I reacted that way. I’m sorry. I joined Seeking Arrangements for fun because honestly…I was lonely and bored and looking for some sort of human connection and that’s what you gave me tonight. I just got lucky that you reached out. That was all I needed I promise.”

She offers Rosé a genuine smile before turning to leave once more. “Have a good rest of your night, Rosé.”

Y/N hears footsteps behind her as Rosé opens the door for her, a smile planted on her face. “You’re something else, Y/N.”

Before the door closes, Rosé speaks once more. “It’s Rosie now by the way.”

The last thing she saw was the woman throwing her a wink before the door finally closed.