#walmart is a pain to go to rn tho

[miss-floral-thief]

hm, out ofm y tea tree oil shampoo

[justfor2am]

hi sry no dog pics today im spending the night w a friend .however i did walk for 45 minutes to a walmart (n back ofc) while also learning how to ride an electric scooter (i do not know how to ride a normal scooter. or a bike. or a skateboard. or roller skates.) it was very fun n the sunset was pretty :3 then i played beat saber n absolutely rocked at one of my favorite songs ever (nee nee nee by pinocchiop u will ALWAYS be famous in my heart 🫶) n then sucked at everything else why r custom charts almost always in expert or expert+ (my shit got completely rocked on a chart of hibana just for both my friend n their roommate to play it after me n easily clear it ..embarrassing) ANYWAYS!! hope ur day was good at least :33 food update uhhh we had pizza!! we each got our own n mine had alfredo sauce n a parmesan/asiago blend on top (i love cheese) ok bye :p just wanted 2 check in n send an ask today!!

wil im gonna level with you i am doing complete fucking ASS rn lol

i got a double middle ear infection, plus my left ear is impacted. which means i can't hear for shit, got hella pain, and have been guzzling ibuprofen like it's my last meal on this bitch of an earth. as i type this i've had several random stabbing pains in both ears, and i am moments away from clawing at the walls of my bedroom in despair

i got meds yesterday tho, which hopefully will help this shit go away. btw the american healthcare system is a sham and i hate it.

anyways: i have HORRIBLE balance so i can't ride a bike either lmao, i've always wanted to learn how to roller blade but for sure would bust my ass immediately

people that do custom beat saber charts are try hards i stg, maybe i just wanna lowkey enjoy a song without a whole ass work out (beat saber makes me dizzy as shit anyways so i can't play it lol)

waough alfredo sauce pizza........ i want pizza >:((( i can't really chew either so it's all been soft things uhhhhhh i had bacon grits earlier tho those were pretty good

kk i'm gonna try not to die bye friend

[mikumoroll]

7/14/24 ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

today was an interesting (?) day.

i woke up just before 9. it was so hot all day today, from morning til so late in the evening... ate breakfast, nothing special. dad said he was going to walmart around 11, he got back just before 12. we went to the asian market after he got back! the drive wasn't far at all, but my anxiety kicked in so majorly... still, i'm proud of myself for talking myself through it + sitting with the physical symptoms rather than trying to distract myself w/ videos on my phone or vicks/biofreeze/an alcohol wipe.

we got to the asian market, we rushed around for a bit, my dad and i got different kinds of spicy ramyeon?! mine doesn't have soy protein in it, just soy sauce... i'm hoping that will be ok lol. usually it is but i haven't had soy anything in soooo long...... we'll see how it goes whenever i decide to eat it

i also got, ahem: red bean mochi, rice milk (gonna use it in my cereal tomorrow i think), and coffee boba ice cream. oh and sriracha too, but that's such a normal purchase? it's just that neither publix nor walmart has had it like EVER for some reason. so the only place i guess i can get it is at the asian market. crazy.

ummm then we dropped off the haul at home, since i needed to put the ice cream in the freezer / the rice milk in the fridge. after that we went back out to publix this time. i almost didn't go but i reminded myself i NEEDED to go so i could find new yogurt to eat... chobani has been consistently betraying me, getting so grossly chunky... but it's so hard to read ingredients online lol.

i ended up basically getting cut loose - my dad spent forever in line at the deli so i managed to grab like a bunch of different things before he'd even finished there...

i ended up getting publix brand greek yogurt (nonfat!) in a few different flavors, reduced fat cream cheese (also publix brand because wtf do you mean it's nearly 5 dollars for such a small amount in name brand???), whole grain pitas, bagels, and i think some other stuff i don't remember now lol.....

but!!! the reason i'm explaining all this is BECAUSE. when i got home, i helped put everything away, then i made myself Lunch... and oh my god this lunch is one for the history books for me. new hyperfixation meal tbh.

toasted bagel w/ cream cheese, one half has a ton of spinach, other thalf has a fried runny egg, and then SRIRACHA on both halves... literally soooooo good. i even chugged some rice milk after bc my mouth was burnin (but so worth it)

then after lunch i hung out on vc with a friend and played some ff since i'm working on leveling my newest alt. i had to go pretty soon tho because i was starting to get a headache. i honestly can't tell if it's a full-blown migraine or not because the pain comes and goes, but i AM also getting overstimulated by sound and light??? it might just be a normal stress + overheated headache tho since it keeps coming and going... whatever it is, i'm hoping a good night's rest will knock it out lol

now i'm currently building in the sims after eating my bedtime snack. it's another good one, tbh: half a banana (other half is in the freezer now yippee!), pb2 w/ brown sugar, and 2 fig newtons... good shit.

decided really randomly it'd be fun to turn riverblossom hills into a medieval hood, so i got started with umm. the farmer guy. i forget his name. since it felt like the easiest one lollll.

i'm also thinking of buying a small extra game on steam...or maybe something on etsy. idk. i need another treat. i'm so stressed rn (the world is falling apart) and why not, right. treat urself. (with the prepaid gift card ur friend gave u because ur a broke and jobless neet.)

ANYWAYS! thats been my day, goodbye <3

[r0rorowurboat]

All of them!

200: My crush’s name is: n/a lmao199: I was born in: naples, fl198: I am really: gay?? idk197: My cellphone company is: t mobile196: My eye color is: green/blue/gray/idk man195: My shoe size is: 7 1/2 8 sometimes194: My ring size is: um i think that was 7 too but i dont remember193: My height is: 5′4″192: I am allergic to:pineapples and penicillin191: My 1st car was: a v old red saturn190: My 1st job was: a waitress189: Last book you read: um i think it was uhhhhhh shit uhhhh god fuck it was the warrior cats book but!!! it was bc i was stuck at my sister house with nothing but bibles or that series to read188: My bed is: an air mattress atm187: My pet: is perfect and i love her her name is luna and shes a little black cat who loves cuddles and kisses186: My best friend:is wonderful and i love him185: My favorite shampoo is: uhm. error i hardly ever use shampoo bc i have v dry curly hair and it makes it horrible184: Xbox or ps3: pc boi183: Piggy banks are: cure182: In my pockets: they dont make pockets in womens fashion wtf are you on. but uh. usually my phone, wallet, and keys181: On my calendar: i.. dont.. have one. 180: Marriage is: alright i guess. tax benefits179: Spongebob can: do that annoying laugh 178: My mom: tries v hard177: The last three songs I bought were? *squints* i think... it was keshas new album?176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQuR8LVKhUE175: How many cousins do you have? 2174: Do you have any siblings? yes i have 3 older sisters173: Are your parents divorced? yeup172: Are you taller than your mom? nope171: Do you play an instrument? not anymore but i used to play clarinet170: What did you do yesterday? uhm spent the day at home as usual[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: nah man168: Luck: to an extent i guess?167: Fate: i dont think so. 166: Yourself: sometimes165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: nah163: Hell: nah162: God: nah161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: nah159: Ghosts: hmmm probably158: Gay Marriage: yes!157: War: no156: Orbs: orbs?? what are those?? like in ghost hunter shows? bc if so then no155: Magic: hm. what type? i think theres stuff we dont know about but idk if id call it magic. I think certain things have more power than we give credit. idk its hard to explain.[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: redheadsredheadsredheads150: Blondes or Brunettes: hmmmm blondes i guess?149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: hmmm oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: usually sneakers tbh but uhhh i own more heels then flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: hm i mean i guess sweet and poor? im already poor so137: Coke or Pepsi: i dont drink soda, water. or coffee136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: cremated134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: um. walmart? 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who?131: Small town or Big city: hm idk. probably city? 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither pls128: Manicure or Pedicure: hmmm manicure probs.127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the east coast but idk west coast is home to a lot of friends so hmmmm126: Your Birthday or Christmas: its like a week apart there isnt much difference125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: i dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: icky121: George Bush: memes?120: Gay Marriage: im gay119: The presidential election: my vote didnt matter!118: Abortion: its your body your choice117: MySpace: never had one116: Reality TV: i mean, its fake? entertaining tho115: Parents: eh. 114: Back stabbers: icky113: Ebay: cheap stuff112: Facebook: only for family tbh111: Work: pays the bills110: My Neighbors: dont know them109: Gas Prices: expensive108: Designer Clothes: overpriced107: College: wish i could afford it!106: Sports: nah105: My family: haha104: The future: haha[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: my grandma a few days ago102: Last time you ate: pizza a few hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: moving day seeing my extended family again100: Cried in front of someone: the other night with my mom or uhhh in call with kina today actually99: Went to a movie theater: wow uh pretty long time ago i dont actually remember98: Took a vacation: haha idk man97: Swam in a pool: wow uh idk96: Changed a diaper: hm last time i was with the twins. not sure how long its been. maybe 2 or 3 months?95: Got my nails done: when did my sister get married? years ago idk94: Went to a wedding: ^^93: Broke a bone: never have92: Got a peircing: about a year ago91: Broke the law: heh uh 90: Texted: a few hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably kina or riley rn88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom tbh. the kids. wyatt. 87: The last movie I saw: the orphan86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: hm idk getting a job i guess85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting a job lmao84: People call me: by my name. but i have nicknames now!! Ray, rachi, babe, ray baby... its very nice and makes me feel warm and fuzzy and loved83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmmm clean? be honest about things that are bothering me? idk82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn sun aquarius moon80: The first person i talked to today was: the gc i think?79: First time you had a crush: i was v young and they had freckles and red hair and i died78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: um i try not to hide things in general! but someone who will call me out recently is raiken and archie lmao77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: riley lmao tho i beat her to it 

76: Right now I am talking to: riley75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i am grown up technically. uh. hopefully be an animator74: I have/will get a job: as a cashier probably73: Tomorrow: i have a job interview and then im gonna get coffee72: Today: was a long day71: Next Summer: hmmm idk70: Next Weekend: IDK GOD69: I have these pets: a cat!! who i love!!! and already gushed about but shes laying on my lap and purring rn and its so soothing68: The worst sound in the world: scratching against those uhhhh holographic things???? god i hate it67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hmnn my dad haha66: People that make you happy: my friends!!! Kina, Ali, Archie, Riley, Leo, Raiken, Mimi...... all of them good pals the squad my faves i love them65: Last time I cried: today rip64: My friends are: GOOD AND AMAZING I LOVE THEM63: My computer is: big! and i like it62: My School: none61: My Car: ded from the hurricane rip me60: I lose all respect for people who: are shitty? idk. 59: The movie I cried at was: hmmmm idk movies dont usually make me cry58: Your hair color is: uhm it was really dark blue but as the color has faded it kind of looks black/brown now57: TV shows you watch: a lot of them56: Favorite web site: uh i guess tumblr55: Your dream vacation: not being here!! probably just going around visiting everyone and hanging out having a good time54: The worst pain I was ever in was: tearing a ligament in my knee it hurt a lot53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy51: My favorite celebrity is: ummm idk50: Where would you like to be: home tbh49: Do you want children: idk48: Ever been in love: ye47: Who’s your best friend: hhhhhhhhhhhh raiken46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls and nb babes45: One thing that makes you feel great is: just hanging out with people tbh44: One person that you wish you could see right now: i guess that would be my mom haha43: Do you have a 5 year plan: i did once. idk what happened to it haha i guess things never really go according to plan and it just hurts more to make one. just set goals, not plans.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: i did once but i dont think i have the same values as i did when i made that41: Have you pre-named your children: i used to but idk if i want kids anymore40: Last person I got mad at: ummmm hmm 39: I would like to move to: hmm somewhere with 4 seasons not just summer and less hot summer38: I wish I was a professional: artist[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: kit-kats36: Vehicle: um idk small ones i guess35: President: obama? idk34: State visited: ooohhh michigan33: Cellphone provider: ive only ever had the one so idk32: Athlete: uh31: Actor: uh30: Actress: uh29: Singer: hmmmmmmmm rn i would have to say Bea Miller but check back with me in a week28: Band: The Silent Comedy27: Clothing store: hmmmm cotton on has really comfy clothes26: Grocery store: target or publix25: TV show: rn? bnha24: Movie: hhhhhh um idk uhhhhh moulin rouge i guess? it used to be my fav but idk anymore23: Website: tumblr22: Animal: elephants21: Theme park: epcot20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: none18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: hmmmmm A Monster Calls15: Day of the week: none14: Beach: hh13: Concert attended: never been12: Thing to cook: uh i guess eggs11: Food: sushi10: Restaurant: its a really good sushi place with bubble tea and thai donuts that i dont remember the name of9: Radio station: hhh idk8: Yankee candle scent: idk7: Perfume: i dont really like perfume it gives me headaches6: Flower: ooooh gardenia5: Color: blue/green teal4: Talk show host: john oliver3: Comedian: hh2: Dog breed: hmmm husky? also labradors and uhhh all dogs tbh ohhh pitbulls and rottweilers i love dogs good yes1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye mostly

[essentiallychaotic]

85 statements R U L E S : you must answer these eighty five statements and tag twenty people I was tagged by the always wonderful @acynicandanidealist​ ^-^ (also sorry if this has been tagged for a bit, my tumblr didn’t tell me so if I’m doing this weirdly late whoops :/ ) I would like to tag: @skittles-pixie​, @pacificjim​, @khanleesi​, @keepingkaya​, @astreana​, @elfiethewicked​, @bleustocking​, @cuemypulse​, @wingleader​, @lokidiabolus​, @scribbly-wibbly-stuff​, @stenchy-wench​, @universalhouseplant​, @shalanos​, @nancysinatras​, @dragonsdawn​, @hungry-angry-lyingdown​, @horaetio​, @inktaire​, @pntmrcys​, aanndd anyone else who wants to do it!

Also sorry if the formatting is wonky, I’m on mobile. Part 1: the last: drink: Water, I have this like quart mason jar with a drink lid, cause I’m one of those people I guess :P phone call: I talked to my Dad this afternoon text message: Uummm… I had to go check haha, it was Cece song you listened to: Probably something by David Bowie this morning (followed by me wandering around the house just singing his name, just repeated dramatic “Bowie!” My dogs loved it) Ooo unless movies count, then whatever is the credits song for the new Ghostbusters :D time you cried: I cried cutting up shallots tonight… other than that idk… I cried during Wonder Woman, seeing my childhood hero portrayed so perfectly was emotional Part 2: Ever: dated someone twice: Like gone on two dates? Yes. I think I’ve gone on two dates (technically three) with two different people. I don’t really date much tho, it takes so much time and college is a lot of work kissed someone and regretted it: Nah, I’ve learned something about how people are every time, hard to regret useful life lessons been cheated on: That involves a relationship so no lost someone special: No one that has passed away, but last fall I had to realise that a friendship had turned really toxic and was impacting my stress and health, which was really hard because she was very important to me, and losing that friendship has been a point of pain this year been depressed: Yes, I’ve just gotten to the point in the last two years where I am able to manage it and not let my depression or anxiety impact my life. I’m really lucky that I don’t have to take meds for it, mainly because I’m super forgetful and never remember to take any pills I’ve ever had gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes and I don’t recommend it. It’s very not fun Part 3: Favourite colours: Green, blue, brown, gold, and red Part 4: In the last year have you: made new friends: I have, and they are all wonderful people fallen out of love: Nope laughed until you cried: I think I have, but even if I haven’t actually cried I’ve gotten close, I’m blessed with wonderfully funny people and pets in my life ^-^ found out someone was talking about you: Yeah my professors, apparently it was nice things but it still freaks me out when they casually are just like “oh that reminds me, we were talking about you at the meeting the other day…” met someone who changed you: Maybe more of met people who affirmed my belief that people can be good and kind and caring, and that I should keep working to be present in the kind and caring parts of myself (cause boy did I used to be bitter and grumpy) found out who your friends are: I feel like this is that “when times get tough you’ll find who your REAL friends are” kinda thing… which I don’t really put a lot of stock in because I think awareness of who people are and where they are at is important in respecting them as individuals… I did lose a couple of friends in the whole big ending toxic friendship thing, but I kinda saw those coming and there’s no hard feelings kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope Part 5: General: how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I have met them all in real life but one. He and his friends were drunk and at the same hostel as my friend when she was on the phone with me and he asked her if he could talk to her friend and it was hilarious and he added me on facebook do you have any pets: Two puppies do you want to change your name: Nah, my name means born of fire, and I kinda like that… plus it also is connected to my mom’s name in a weird, circuitous way and I like that too what did you do for your last birthday: I had class and work, and then planned on meeting up with friends for our usual pub-and-board-games night and they surprised me with cheesecake and those candles that relight themselves… it was a fun night :) what time did you wake up: 9am-ish what were you doing at midnight last night: Playing with my phone I think… reading something on Ao3 name something you can’t wait for: I start grad school in Belfast this fall, so I’m really excited and also crazy nervous about that when was the last time you saw your mom: A couple of hours ago when we were watching Ghostbusters (I love that movie, Melissa McCarthy is my hero) what are you listening to right now: Silence. Also my dog licking her paws. Everyone here is asleep. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, remember that one random friend on facebook? His name was Tom… there are probably other from college but I’m drawing a blank something that is getting on your nerves: Just… just so much of the social inequality and how badly our social system fails people who need support… and the fact that their voices aren’t respected and sought out when it comes to telling their stories, like what is that??? most visited website: Ummm… tumblr, gmail, facebook, and my grad school’s website are probs all really close rn hair colour: Natural is a mediumish darker brown colour… currently it’s a brownish/purple colour bc I dyed it months ago and just let it fade long or short hair: Shoulder length, so longish? It makes it easier to control my curls and make them feel fun do you have a crush on someone: Nope what do you like about yourself: Aahhh…. I like to think I’m fun to hang out with I guess… I’m that person whose like “let’s go on an adventure!” And then drags friends to walmart at midnight before walking around campus piercings: I have my ears pierced, and my nose. I used to have my septum pierced too but I took it out. blood type: B positive nickname: Mack or Kenzi relationship status: Happily single, dating takes work and always feels like I’m trying to present this nice and shiny version of myself…. anyone else feel that? zodiac: Aries pronouns: She/Her favourite tv show: Gilmore Girls gets my soul, but Stargate Atlantis is right there too tattoos: Tribalesque (i don’t know any other way to describe it) Celtic woman on one shoulder blade, Celtic tree of life on the other, I have the words “hope is a thing with feathers” (Emily Dickinson) on my left forearm, two black bands around my right forearm, three dots on my right hand ring finger, and this three dots, three lines celtic symbol on my left ring finger (those last two were done in my dorm room last year by friends). I’m also about to get a rose on my right forearm and my bro and I are going to get small sibling tattoos right or left handed: Right, but I can kinda write with my left bc in elementary school this kid in my class broke their dominant arm and it freaked me out bc if that happened to me I wouldn’t be able to do my schoolwork so I practised writing with my left hand. (I can also write so it’s perfectly backwards like a mirrored image bc I used to get bored in class sometimes) piercing: Yup. sport: I watch soccer and baseball, but I don’t play anything (Sleep break and also tired of fighting with mobile yaaayyy) vacation: Oooohhh anyplace with marvellous culture and history really. But I’d love to go to Paris or Rome. pair of trainers: Do converse count? Part 6: more general : eating: All food is wonderful but I love my dad’s bigos stew. drinking: Water with lemon in it. Or coffee and tea I’m about to: Finish watching Ladies in Lavender then go to bed. 

waiting for: Grad school to start this fall. (See: also slightly nervous about starting) want: To see the David Bowie exhibit in Seattle. get married: If I find the right person. I want something lowkey and fun tho, like a party that happens to have a wedding at it haha. career: I dunno, I’m looking at college professor/author right now. Or just switching gears and pursuing musical theatre haha. hugs or kisses: I like hugs more, but not when people just surprise me with them. lips or eyes: Always eyes. shorter or taller: I’m 5'9" so I guess taller…? older or younger: I am 24 sooo I feel older but really that’s quite young in the grand scheme of things. nice arms or nice stomach: I gotta be real I love nice biceps. hook up or relationship: Relationship. troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on my mood and the situation. kissed a stranger: Yup. drank hard liquor: Yeppers, quite a bit actually. lost glasses or contact lenses: I misplace my glasses around the house all of the time but not actually lost them yet thank goodness. turned someone down: Yes. sex on the first date: Not my scene. broken someone’s heart: I really hope I haven’t, but I feel like I might have. had your heart broken: Only platonically by friendships that went south been arrested: Nope, and I hope to keep it that way haha. cried when someone died: I’ve yet to have someone I know personally die, and I hope it’s a long way off still. fallen for a friend: I have friends that I was attracted to at the start of our friendship, but never really fallen for them no. Part 7: do you believe in: yourself: I do now, but it took several years. miracles: I do, but I also think they’re not quite what we describe for them in our cultural narratives . love at first sight: No, love involves seeing people clearly and unconditionally caring for them. I think we can have connection at first sight but not love really. Santa Claus: I believe that Santa Clause is the spirit of Christmas and a wonderful way to see good in the world. kiss on the first date: Depends. But normally no. I did have a first date that ended in a firm handshake. That was interesting. He was also the one who on our second date listened to me explain the beowulf text narrative arc for St Christopher and was genuinely interested so… angels: I am definitely open to the possibility. Part 8: Other: current best friend’s name: Cece is my bae. eye colour: Green. Favourite movie: Reality Bites or Pride and Prejudice

[taeboos]

baby daddy! taehyung

 okay so like i was gonna work on my prince!taehyung oneshot but i kept thinking about tae being a dad and i just got so emo and here are my ramblings

let me just start off saying that tae would be like the best husband in the entire world like he’d love and care for you with his entire being 

he’d spoon hug you at night time and hold your hand  and whisper how much he loves you in that deep voice by your ear until u fall into a deep sleep while being caressed in his arms 

hes like that kind of guy who would just love to wake you up in the moring tho 

and your like 

tae

no 

its like 7:30 wyd 

and he’s just like the sunshine himself like he shines so bright in the morning and literally he wants to get up early bc he wants to cherish every moment of you being beside him 

jfdklsfjlksdfjls and like!!!!! you’d complain bc like.....ur not the moring type yah know sleep is gr8 and he’d ultimately win bc he has this puppy face and would take ur hands and play with them and swing them to wake you up 

he’s basically a grown child 

okAY and so like why do i not see him being the type to romanticize the whole doing the ‘boom-boom’ 

i feel like he’d be the type to just like rush into it like ‘bAbE I WANT kIDS liKE ASAP’ 

but then again he wouldn’t rush you or pressure you or anything he’d wait for you 

and like one night you did it ok you did the boom-boom alright and like it was great obvs 

ill let u be dirty by yourselves im not going to go into that rn this is a fluff post 

quench ur thirst elsewhere 

anywhoo a few weeks pass and like you are getting that morning sickness yeah? I mean i never been preggers but im going off basic knowledge?? 

so okay like you wake up in the middle of the night like 3 in the morning and like tae wakes up of course and you are like in the bathroom spilling your guts out and at first ur like super confused and tae is worried as hell

but then his eyes just light up out of no where and ur like ??? 

“ARE YOU PREGNANT”??? like the question just busts out of him like a popped balloon ok he’s like half excited and half anxious and worried for you and he starts pacing the bathroom 

and ur like babe??? calm down idk if im pregnant ok i might just be sick?? 

and he looks at you and gets on his knees alright and looks you in the eyes and he just like “im going to walmart” and ur like 

wAIT 

that boy is already out the door with his pajamas still on ok like he gives zero fucks like he needs to know noW 

he slams that pregnancy test on the conveyor belt and he’s legit jumping up and down bc he wants to get back to his wiFE 

and the cashier lady is tired asf and like “whats dis mofo doing here kjdsklgjls” and then she smiles and says “good luck~” 

sO tae gets back home ok and he hands u the thing and ur like alright alrigHT 

and that boy will not leave ur side ok u better know it and ur like tae??? ummmmm can i please pee on this thing in peace thx 

and hes like oh shit sorry 

so u pee on the stick and guess whattttt 

ur preggers 

u kinda just exit the bathroom with a sly smile on your face

and tae has bulging eyes waiting for a response 

“im pregnant” 

you better bet your sweet little ass he’s gonna be all over you he’s gonna be swinging u around and kissing your face and crying 

and seeing him crying makes u cry and next thing you know the next morning your letting the fam know

everyone is just like congrats!!!!!

and now comes the nine months where tae is legit your body gaurd like he is so protective 

he was protective to begin with but now its like he took some super dad power pills and he is always attached to u like everywhere you look tae is there like a leech attached to your back 

like “thATS mY BABY in YOU I GOTTA BE ABLE TO PROTECT TWO AT ONCE NOW” 

hed be feeding you breakfast every morning and go throughout your day eating healthy meals 

gotta make sure that baby is nourished!!!!!!

im crying ok omg breAK 

back ok liSTEN 

you would get that baby bump and he’d rub your belly all the time and he’d jump out of his skin when the baby moves or kicks and he’s just “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

and your lauging and he wants to cry again bc he is so in awe like ?? thats his baby moving around in there 

and he’d want to sing to the baby all the time like 

youd be lying in bed and hed start singing little nursery rhymes and your heart just swells and the baby can detect that sort of thing??? and it starts to move around around and you tell tae that the baby likes his singing and that makes him do it even more often

also not to mention being pregnant is effing painful so he’d always be there to rub your aching back and give you butterfly kisses all the time to ease your pain

okay and then you go and u find out the sex of your baby and like you think its gonna be a boy but tae thinks its gonna be a girl idk why i just feel like tae would want a girl 

so u go and you find out that it’s a girl!!!!!!!!! and tae won’t leave u alone abt how he was right 

and u decide on a name and no doubt its cute ofc 

okay so your whole pregnancy goes like this and so then 

ur water breaks 

oh shit amiright 

tae freaks the fuck out but like not as much as you were 

like your in pain and hoLY FuCK they baby iS coMING nOW 

and yout screaming and tae is trying to be calm but he’s runnning around and trying to get you into the car and he’s freaking out while driving like 

moVE biTCHES mY bABY and WiFE ARE IN THIS CAR 

he’s like speeding down the highway to get to the hospital ok 

this boy has got zero chill 

he half carries you into the hospital and everything happens to fast

hes sitting beside you holding your hand tight as your screaming your lungs out giving birth 

and tae is half-way feeling guilty that you’re going through this pain 

but fAST foRWARD and your healthy baby girl is born!!!! 

and like at first tae was about to bounce on the doctors like he wants his kid now but they had to go clean her up 

and when they finish tae holds her little body in his arms and he’s crying 

“look at her” 

“she’s so beautiful” 

“it’s my baby” 

he looks at you then with tears gleaming in his eyes 

and he brings her over to you and your holding her and you can’t believe you did it 

as ur baby girl grows up like tae is such a protective father 

he’d proababy want to cry if she ever got hurt 

and you notice that as she grew that she had tae’s sparking eyes and gleaming box smile that you always adored you 

she had your cute nose 

and face shape 

Tae would try so hard to make her look so cute like braid her hair and pick out cute clothes and you’d just smile and let him be 

him being happy with your child was enough to make your insides melt 

he’d be that dad who’d volunteer to change the diapers and get up in the morning and your just like babe!!! i got it its fine!!!! im ok i can do it!!!! 

and after seeing you go through that pain for 9 months he wants to repay you back and in turn he also gets to spend time with his kid and he is happy doing it 

youd both play with that baby all the time and be all over the floor with that baby ok and the squeal of joy that erupts from that childs mouth is what fuels tae and you to keep living in this beautiful world

when it comes time for her to go to school hed be so scared like hes letting his baby girl go off alone??? nO 

and ur like tae its alright babe its ok its good for her and he gets that but still??? 

also your daughter would have that same laugh that tae does and every time she does it your stomach gets butterflies 

and whenever she cried tae would be like the first one at the scene 

and whenever she had her temper tantrums he’d be the one to baby her 

and your like tae we cant do that we gotta have disipline 

and hes not having it

that baby is gonna be so spoiled rotten omg 

lord help us all 

but the thing is that baby will have the best parents in the entire universe like nothing can change that fact at all 

that baby is gonna grow up living a happiness filled life ok 

i really hope ya’ll enjoyed it!!!!

[myfearoffalling]

twin beds are small and i’m not ready to leave the ~l u x u r y~ of a queen bed all to myself in august

also air mattresses are expensive and planning is a pain in the ass

i’m not quite so bitter rn that my bf chose to go to a different college than me because he got accepted while i didn’t

i recognize it’s for the best for both of us

but ouch it sure does sting a lot knowing how desperately he was wanted ($19k music scholarship) and how i was very much n o t (”we recommend that you look into a non-performance major”)

idk tho

it would be more conducive to me to be at bridgewater but that still doesn’t stop me from feeling kinda shitty after hearing straight from him that i’m not very good

hhh and then he wonders about why i’m hesitant to feel any sort of confidence in myself since i’ve been doubting myself as long as i’ve been wanting to do this, which is 13 years

idk he says he’ll support me and wants to see me improve and that he’ll be there for me every step of the way, but the mean bitch inside me makes me feel like that was said with pity even tho i know it wasn’t

i d k

this is just gonna be a lot of work with having him visit since it’s nearly impossible for me to visit him without him purchasing his own set of cat supply shit since i’ll have duncan and i can’t leave him alone

i think i’m just gonna go shower, do some homework, and go to walmart because i feel like a mess

on the bright side, tho, my french 202 class runs on a different curriculum than the path my french 102 class was following since i’ve taken both at different campuses, so my 202 class is basically reviewing my 102 class with some extra shit sprinkled in

nice

[abandonthefort]

i thought i was done being hypomanic bc i felt like a truck hit me but lol no that was just bc i haven’t been eating anywhere close to what i need to function as a person and my body was shutting down (toady is the first in basically a week i broke 1000 calories which is still Horrifically Deficient but...is a heck of a lot better than 300 which...happened for a few days) and now that i have some food my body is like HAHA JUST KIDDING STILL RIDING THAT HYPOMANIA TRAIN

also i’ve lost over 6 pounds in less than a week and this isn’t healthy and i’m still not eating enough (and most of the food I can get into my body and stay into my body is really high in sugars which are prone to giving me reactive hypoglycemia and also seem to fuck shit up with sleep attacks so...this is still not an ideal or tenable situation at all)

and the only reason i realize i’m hypomanic is bc i’m like ‘oh yeah totally i’m gonna get up and leave the house by 7 tomorrow so i can go boating’ like...my guy, 100% of the reasons (except the falling asleep while driving potentially) of why ‘going boating is a terrible idea’ ARE STILL TRUE AND THAT WOULD BE A BAD IDEA

i still rly wanna go tho.  because impulsive decision-making impaired brain is calling the shots and it’s like i’m the audience to this horror movie going “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHY DON’T YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE” to what is playing out in front of me.

the part of me that doesn’t feel fucking amazing right now is rapidly becoming terrified bc i’m careening towards hospitalization in multiple directions right now (either bc of not fucking eating anything bc food is making me nauseous or just tastes like cardboard but worse, or dehydration bc same goes for fluids and also not eating, or the pain flare up bc i’m not sure how bad it actually is??? bc hypomania always fucks with my pain perception, or from the hypomania itself, or maybe some reactive hypoglycemia will get in on the action, or i’ll have another fun fainting episode (aka the main reason rn that going boating is a BAD IDEA. DO YOU HEAR THAT IMPULSIVE BRAIN. BAD. IDEA. okay yeah ur not listening ur setting an alarm for 6:00 ahhhhhhh)). i’ve been hospitalized once already this month (jk it’s may now so it’s technically last month i guess but still it was less than 3 weeks ago)

like rn my brain is like “going for a jog would be a great idea”. brain. i literally cannot do that on so may levels.  my ankle is so bad i’m limping at a walk rn. sitting up makes my head spin. my chronic pain is at like a 6ish? like. THAT IS A BAD IDEA STOP TELLING ME TO DO IT. also it’s cold as shit and pouring out even if things were doing okay in the other departments a jog would be a sufferfest right now brain.

okay no, me denying the job doesn’t mean that a midnight jaunt to wegmans or walmart for ice cream is a good idea instead of the jog. you’d waste money and then not eat it bc it’d feel Gross. why ru doing this.

[cas108a]

Do all the asks!

1.       Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Uh, I don't really use any. Iguess I've used Pandora like 3x?

2.       is your room messy or clean?

Right now it's a mess bc I'm apiece of shit.

3.       what color are your eyes?

My driver's license says they're"BRO" so my eyes are bros

4.       do you like your name? why?

Sure, but my last name is kinda apain to pronounce or spell.

5.       what is your relationship status? 

Taken

6.       describe your personality in 3 words or less

Optimistic yet salty

7.       what color hair do you have?

Bro

8.       what kind of car do you drive? color?

1996 Blue Ford Explorer (it's aP.O.S.)

9.       where do you shop?

wherever I feel like. I mean mytown really only has a walmart so mostly there even though walmart is a grosscompany

10.    how would you describe your style?

"Trying too hard to lookcool"

11.    favorite social media account

I actually don't know, maybetumblr lmao

12.    what size bed do you have?

A Twin XL college dorm bed 

13.    any siblings?

yep, an older sister and ayounger brother

14.    if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

Where I am rn, but not withDonald Trump as president.

15.    favorite snapchat filter? 

The one that zooms in on yourface

16.    favorite makeup brand(s)

My Own Natural Skin™

17.    how many times a week do you shower?

anywhere from like 4-7

18.    favorite tv show?

LOST

19.    shoe size?

10.5

20.    how tall are you?

I think I'm like 5'10" but Ihaven't checked in a long time

21.    sandals or sneakers? 

Depends on the situation

22.    do you go to the gym? 

I really should lmao

23.    describe your dream date

A very rich person giving my SOand me like $10,000 to spend in one day on whatever we want

24.    how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

In cash? $0 :)

25.    what color socks are you wearing? 

Black, but they have a lil greenstripe.

26.    how many pillows do you sleep with?

3

27.    do you have a job? what do you do? 

JMU Pep Band (Hoooo), I playMellophone

28.    how many friends do you have?

Not enough (probably like ~10really good ones) 

29.    whats the worst thing you have ever done?

stepped on my dog's tail onaccident 

30.    whats your favorite candle scent? 

Peppermint

31.    3 favorite boy names

Gabe (the dog), Shrek, and RobbieRotten

32.    3 favorite girl names

Garnet Amethyst and Pearl

33.    favorite actor? 

Anyone but Benedict Cumberbatch

34.    favorite actress? 

I really don't know

35.    who is your celebrity crush?

don't have one

36.    favorite movie?

I can't pick lmao. I like spacemovies tho 

37.    do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

No I do not. But shit I guess Ireally liked the Harry Potter series.

38.    money or brains? 

money, then I can buy a goodbrain

39.    do you have a nickname? what is it?

Matt. :| 

40.    how many times have you been to the hospital?

uuhhhhhhhh. maybe like twice butI can't even remember those experiences.

41.    top 10 favorite songs

Ah fuck. Well, in no particularorder:

Sweatpants - Childish Gambino

Journey of the Lone Wolf - SimonDobson

Appalachian Spring - AaronCopeland

Hymn of Acxiom - Vienna Teng

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

Jupiter - Gustav Holst

Gonna Fly Now - Eric Miyashiro

Pure Imagination - Gene Wilder

The Curtain - Snarky Puppy & MetropoleOrkest

Todo Tiende - Ojos de Brujo

42.    do you take any medications daily?

I take over the counter allergypills in the spring and summer 

43.    what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

I didn't even know this was athing????

44.    what is your biggest fear? 

being a failure

45.    how many kids do you want? 

2 or 3

46.    whats your go to hair style?

I don't think it has a name. soidk

47.    what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

My dad has a big house, my momhas a kinda small house, and I live in a 3 person dorm room.

48.    who is your role model? 

Uhhh. Ben Gunnarson from theBluecoats?

49.    what was the last compliment you received?

uh probably some dumb shit frommy SO

50.    what was the last text you sent?

"Nah" to my brother

51.    how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

probably like 11 lmao

52.    what is your dream car? 

I like the new Mustangs a lot.But I also want a Volkswagen Bus lmao.

53.    opinion on smoking?

cigarettes? you gonna get cancer.also gross.

54.    do you go to college? 

YEEt. James Madison Universityboii

55.    what is your dream job? 

Band Director/Composer

56.    would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? 

Rural areas that connect to thesuburbs (which is like where I live now)

57.    do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

Haven't had many chances to, butI haven't so far.

58.    do you have freckles? 

I got lil tiny ones

59.    do you smile for pictures?

I hate pictures, but I try

60.    how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

~10,000

61.    have you ever peed in the woods? 

yeah

62.    do you still watch cartoons? 

Of course

63.    do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Depends on the day, but I don'texactly /love/ either.

64.    Favorite dipping sauce? 

BBQ or Honey Mustard

65.    what do you wear to bed? 

a t-shirt and pajama pants my SOgot me, they have lil dogs with santa hats on them

66.    have you ever won a spelling bee?

nah, but my brother did. he wason TV!

67.    what are your hobbies?

Music, Video Games, dying

68.    can you draw? 

yeah kinda, but I don't do itoften at all

69.    do you play an instrument?

No

70.    what was the last concert you saw? 

I think it was the JMU JazzEnsemble?

71.    tea or coffee?

Yes

72.    Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Starbucks

73.    do you want to get married?

Yeah

74.    what is your crush’s first and last initial?

HP :)

75.    are you going to change your last name when you getmarried? 

Idk maybe

76.    what color looks best on you? 

PURPLE (START WEARING PURPLEBICTH)

77.    do you miss anyone right now? 

my dog, but he isn't aliveanymore

78.    do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed

79.    do you believe in ghosts?

Nah

80.    what is your biggest pet peeve?

Wet paper, because my sister usedto chew on paper obnoxiously with her mouth open because she knew it botheredme.

81.    last person you called

My best friend who goes toanother college

82.    favorite ice cream flavor? 

Chocolate

83.    regular oreos or golden oreos? 

Regular

84.    chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

Rainbow

85.    what shirt are you wearing? 

JMU Summer Band Camps 2015T-Shirt

86.    what is your phone background?

My bae

87.    are you outgoing or shy?

yes

88.    do you like it when people play with your hair?

Sure, depends on the person tho

89.    do you like your neighbors? 

In my dorm? I like maybe one ofthem. The rest are gross

90.    do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

Whenever I shower and remember to

91.    have you ever been high? 

Yeah

92.    have you ever been drunk?

Yep 

93.    last thing you ate? 

Velveeta instant shells andcheese

94.    favorite lyrics right now

Sweatpants - Childish Gambino

95.    summer or winter? 

Summer, FUCK the cold

96.    day or night? 

Day, but it's gotta be sunny

97.    dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Milk 

98.    favorite month? 

July (not just bc it's my birthmonth)

99.    what is your zodiac sign

Leo

100.   who wasthe last person you cried in front of? 

Can't remember