#wallace dumbass moments

[pokeficdaily]

[ihadrelationswithyourmother]

Hi! I’ve been writing a fanfiction called SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE CONSEQUENCES TO HIS ACTIONS (not all caps it just looks cool like that) on AO3 (as kingofheadaches) and Wattpad (as raredforever) and I’ve decided to start posting on Tumblr as well. It’s a reverse AU where Ramona has to fight all of Scott’s exes, with a few twists. I hope you like it!!

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Title: SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE CONSEQUENCES TO HIS ACTIONS

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Prologue

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“Ramona,” Scott said quietly, laying with his back against the soft mattress owned by his formerly mentioned and current lover. “I know we were having sex a moment ago, but you need to know something.”

“We weren’t having sex.” Ramona’s voice is muffled by a pillow as she jerked and turned to face her dumbass boyfriend.

“We weren’t?” Scott raised his eyebrow, then furrowed them, as he tried to determine what they had been doing for the previous ten minutes.

Scott and Ramona had been dating for about ten weeks now, and Scott had not gotten to second base yet. Wallace had told him he probably already had, because, Ramona being Ramona, she probably was a legend at sex. But Wallace was gay, so what would he even know about boobs?

Scott turned to Ramona, still in deep thought, “But we were kissing and junk.”

“I’m starting to believe you’re a virgin.” Ramona stated, adjusting her tank top strap.

“Well, the jokes on you, because I don't even know what that means.” Scott said much more smugly than anyone who’d ever admitted to having the IQ of a 12-year-old boy who rarely went outside had.

“Jesus, Scott.”

“Just Scott is fine.” Scott took pride in his vast vocabulary of comebacks, though (Your mom, your mother, I’m rubber you're glue, your father, a few legendary burns that he has to reserve for confidential reasons).

Ramona rolled her eyes, then realized why they were talking about this in the first place, “Weren’t you going to tell me something?”

Scott rolled back onto his back, sighing, “Oh, it’s nothing, just my five evil exes.”

“Shit, do I need to fight them or something?” Ramona asked, sitting up a bit.

Scott shrugged, “You could. I mean, you definitely could because you’re like super powerful and it’d be pretty hot so maybe consider it.”

“Scott. What did I say about being sexist?”

Scott thought for a moment. What was sexism again? He would think it was a good thing, since it involved sex and an attractive person was saying it, but Ramona seemed pretty unsexy about the whole ordeal.

“…It’s bad?”

Ramona rolled over and obstructed his view of her. “I’m going to bed.”

“Aren’t you going to fight my evil exes?” Scott asked, like a child reminding his parents to bring him to the candy store.

“In the morning.”

“But that’s like in six hours.”

“Goodnight, Scott.” Ramona mumbled into her pillow, already falling asleep.

Scott grumbled something about never getting to see anyone fight and how in the morning he’d have to go over to Wallace’s and his house and he wouldn’t get to see anyone fighting but Wallace and his homosexuality as he watched Lucas Lee adaptions of every action movie than included guns, motorcycles, and a hot brunette co-star.

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Hope you enjoyed!

[fictionalcharactersaremypassion]

I know it's short

This belongs in the Caught universe

---

Colin had to get out of his house or he might actually murder his dumbass siblings. Well, maybe not Mandy. She wouldn't be taken down easily. His brothers were a different story.

He could've gone to the Alibi or anywhere else to drink away until he was no longer pissed off by everything that moved. And yet, he found himself on North Wallace, about to go inside his girlfriend's house.

Because that was his life now.

It was kinda fucked up how she was able to make his mood better, even times when he didn't want it. He'd told her that too, and she just laughed at him when he was being fucking serious.

Fuckin' Gallagher.

From what he could see outside, the lights were off. It was late, but Fiona shouldn't be in bed yet. Sometimes she watched a bit of TV to unwind. Colin was counting on that being the case tonight so he didn't have to wander through the damn house to get to her bedroom, risking one of her million siblings waking up.

The door would be locked by this time but Colin had a key to let himself in. Not one that she'd given him. He'd taken it from Frank by way of threatening him and when that didn't work because Frank fucking Gallagher never knew when to shut his damn mouth, Colin held a hand around his neck until the guy wheezed out an, "Okay."

Was better this way anyway. Colin heard plenty of complains from Fiona, Lip and Ian how the old asshole was always barging in, taking what wasn't his just to make a quick buck. At least now it wouldn't be as easy for him.

As expected, it was quiet on the inside. The TV was on and there she was, sprawled out on the couch. Her hair was freely splayed, her face lined with exhaustion but

His heart did a real fucking funny thing right then. Jesus, he'd really gone soft.

Feeling slightly awkward even though no one was around, Colin made up for it by flicking her on the side of the head. She swatted at his hand, her groan cut off midway by a yawn that she covered with her forearm.

"Guess playing mommy is hard work, huh?"

"Why are you here?" She muttered, sitting up to give him room. He plopped down, letting her legs drape over his lap.

"That any way to greet your boyfriend?" Colin rubbed her knee with one hand.

"Sorry, I was waiting for the other guy to show up," she shrugged. Her smile was mischievous, shouldn't have been as fuckin' cute as it was.

He smirked. "Yeah? Who's to say I didn't fuck a chick before coming here?"

Fiona was unbothered. "She got better tits than me?"

"Better ass too."

"Too bad she doesn't have better taste in men," she said smoothly.

Colin captured her lips for a rough kiss. "Fuck you," he whispered, lips turning up in a grin.

In the midst of that kiss, he reached for the remote and as soon as she realized it, Fiona tried to get it back but Colin was faster.

"Give it back!"

"Fuck off," Colin blocked her with his other arm, switching the channel through different channels. "Eh, that's shitty. Fuckin' stupid. Who the fuck even watches this? Nah-"

"Colin!" Fiona struggled against him, so he trapped her legs under his.

"Fiona," he mocked.

She rolled her eyes, and gave up trying to escape. "Fucking asshole."

"Damn right."

Once he'd actually found something worthwhile to watch, Colin kept his eyes on the screen, his thumb rubbing her skin. Fiona had her hand in his hair, his curls around her fingers.

Halfway through the show, Fiona started pulling him down with her. "Come on," she said when he looked at her in confusion. "You're tired. Just lay down."

"I'm fine, Gallagher."

"With Terry's DNA? I doubt it."

He narrowed his eyes in the face of her cheeky grin. "You know, I've hurt people for less."

"Okay, Tough Guy," she said, unfazed. "But I'd like the feeling in my legs back so lay down or I'm moving."

For a moment, the TV was the only noise. Colin didn't do stuff like this. Fucking cuddling. There'd been one time she'd invaded his personal space after sex but he'd pretended to be asleep, not knowing how to handle it.

God, he sounded like a pussy.

Feeling awkward for the second time that night, Colin lowered himself down behind her. His arm was over her, legs intertwined, his senses overridden with Fiona's citrusy shampoo.

As for Fiona herself, she was unaware of his thoughts. "You have shitty taste in TV," she sighed, turning over to face him, laying against his body. Colin froze.

Wasn't expecting it to feel as...nice as it did.

What the fuck was happening to him? Interested in a damn relationship and now this girly shit was makin' him feel all warm.

What the fuck are you doing to me, Gallagher? Colin thought, and strangely, he didn't feel upset over it.

[jgmartin]

I AM HAPPY

[TW: self-harm]

I am happy!

I say it into the mirror, brows furrowed and mouth pulled into a tight smile. I am happy. My fingers clutch the edge of the bathroom sink, and a muscle twitches near my eye. Something tugs at the corner of my mind. A thought, maybe. It’s tempting me to peek at it, begging me to acknowledge it and push it out into the light of day, but I can't. I won't.

My mother calls me from the kitchen. “Are you ready for school?”

“Yes,” I call back. “I am.”

I take another few moments to stare at myself. I burn the image of how happy I am into my memory, just in case I start to forget.

It’s a big day, after all.

_____________________

The car chokes and sputters as it makes its way to school. I’m in tenth grade and I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I know that’s okay. It’s normal. Nobody does.

Except for Maggie Taller, and Suhky Raj, and David Cho, and Adam Wallace. They’re going to be doctors and engineers and carpenters and drug dealers. They’re going to be happy.

We pull into the school parking lot. The van spits out a plume of smoke the size of Jupiter. Once the pollution clears, I open the door and look out over a sea of faces. Some of them are staring back at me. Some of them are snickering. One of them is Maggie Taller, and she’s waving—all red curls and dimples, so I wave back. My stomach does a frontflip.

“Have a good day,” my mother says. I look her way, and her face lights up with an expression that resembles a smile, but it’s not. There’s not enough play in her cheeks. She forgets to engage her eyes.

“I will,” I reply. I use the same smile that I practiced earlier. It’s much better. When I look back to the steps, Maggie is gone, and my stomach settles.

I lurch out of the car. “Honey…” my mother says. She reaches a hand toward me but stops short, almost as if she's worried I might snap at her or bite it off. She stares at me. "Things will get better for us, you know."

I close the door. The car leaves, backfiring as my mother runs the stop sign and nearly collides with an oncoming pick-up truck. It’s okay, though. Nobody is hurt.

I am happy.

_____________________

The mutters follow me to my first-period English class. The voices are hushed, but loud enough that I can hear them. It’s intentional. It’s by design.

“... walks like a goof.”

“... saw him staring at Maggie’s ass.”

“... smells like a dead animal.”

“... we’ll get him after school.”

I listen to Mr. Yu discuss the significance of metaphor in literature. He spends the hour comparing Animal Farm to Twilight, and demanding why we waste our time reading the latter. He says it’s dumbing us down. He says it’s a problem. I’ve never read Twilight, but I smile and nod all the same.

He asks me to define the word ‘metaphor,’ and I do my best, but I get the answer wrong. Somebody laughs. Why wasn’t I listening earlier, I wonder. What’s wrong with me?

“... what a dumbass.”

I am happy.

_____________________

At lunch, I get a table to myself. It’s good because it means I have personal space to come up with ten different metaphors for Mr. Yu. The cafeteria is loud. Too loud. I try to focus on my paper and pen, and I scratch down my favorite metaphor to get started.

‘It’s raining cats and dogs.’ I look at it and smile. It makes me think of my sister before the horror took her. I wonder if it will take my mother too.

The other examples don’t come easily for me. My eyes scan the definition of 'metaphor' over and over, but my mind draws a blank. I can’t think. I can’t focus. I wonder where Maggie is sitting today.

A folded piece of paper lands on the table in front of me. I look up to see where it came from—to see who dropped it, but I can’t tell. There are too many people moving around, too many faces swimming, and too many voices drowning my concentration.

I open it up.

There’s something written on the inside, hastily-scribbled and messy. It says, “YOUR DEAD,” in pencil-gray. A stickman is lying beneath the words, surrounded by three other stickmen. They’re stepping on him. Kicking him. Red pen strokes paint the page haphazardly, trailing from the crying man on the ground. I look closer. The other stickmen are smiling. They’re happy.

Something pulls at the edge of my thoughts. I ignore it.

_____________________

The bell rings, and school is over. I gather my things and pull my backpack up and over my shoulder. It’s heavy and awkward. It takes me three tries to get it right.

Today is a big day.

I make my way from the school grounds, over the hill that leads to the forest path that runs along the little creek. I make my way home. My arms are tired by the time I get over the hill, but that’s okay. It just means I’m getting stronger. All the work I’ve been doing in the forest is going to pay off.

Voices follow me. I recognize some of them.

“... pervert is gonna get what’s coming to him.”

"... I'll believe it when I see it."

"... heard Maggie moaning about wanting what's inside of him."

"... fuck you."

_____________________

The forest is full of people. There are joggers and people walking dogs. A homeless man asks me if I have any change, and I say that I’m sorry, but I don’t. He tries to spit on me but misses.

“... Liar. Gimps like you make bank off disability checks.”

My arms get sore by the time I’m halfway through the forest. I take the same shortcut I usually do, the one that runs by the creek, and there are fewer joggers and dog-walkers. I get nervous, but the babbling sound of the water helps me relax. Today is a big day.

“... I’ll kill him. Watch me.”

“... yeah, right. He’ll be fucking Maggie before you ever get the balls to.”

“... we’ve only been dating two weeks. I’ll fuck her.”

“... not before him.”

Footsteps approach from behind. It sounds like three people and one more in the distance. I don’t see them, but I know them. I know their smiles. I know they’re happy.

A fist connects with the back of my head, and I fall forward, losing control of my crutches. My face smashes against the pavement and my vision swims as pain explodes across my cheek. I taste something in my mouth. Blood. I try to push myself up but my legs aren't cooperating. They're hardly moving. They're useless.

“Crippled fuck!” a voice shouts. It’s Adam Wallace. He's working himself up. “You thought I'd let you get away with staring holes into my girlfriend’s ass?"

I try to say something, but a foot steps on my backpack, and I’m pressed to the ground. The wind’s knocked out of me. I can’t breathe. Shoes connect with my face, one after the other. There’s laughter in the air. A sneaker finds my nose and there’s a crunching sound, and suddenly I can’t stop screaming as warm fluid spills down my face, cascading over my lips. I sputter and whimper. My eyes well up.

“... somebody will see us.”

Hands grab my limp legs. I’m being dragged backward, off of the cement path, and deeper into the forest. I call out, and somebody stuffs a ball of cloth into my mouth. It reeks. It tastes like sweat and filth.

“... bet you wish that was Maggie’s panties, you perverted shitstain.”

I close my eyes. I try to smile. I am happy. I am happy. Tears slip down my cheeks, and something tugs at the edge of my thoughts. I ignore it. I have to.

_____________________

It takes ten minutes to get to where we’re going. The skin on my elbows is split and torn, caught on too many rocks and roots. They let my limp legs drop with a dull thud. I’m hyperventilating. It’s hard to breathe with the jockstrap in my mouth and a broken nose. There’s death in the air.

I’m rolled onto my back, and I feel my backpack shift against my spine. It’s uncomfortable, but not half as uncomfortable as Adam Wallace wrapping his hands around my neck and strangling me.

“... he’s actually doing it.”

“... I thought he was just fucking around.”

The trees above me fade with the air in my lungs. I gasp and sputter, but there’s no air to breathe and I’m not strong enough to pry his hands from my throat. He leans in close, his lips pressed to my ear. “You think I'm gonna let you cuck me?” he asks, and his voice is dipped in cyanide. “I warned you to stay the hell away from her.”

“... taking too long.”

“... use this.”

I hear the sound of a switchblade opening. The hands around my neck let go, and I take in a lungful of air. My heart hammers in my chest. I try to move, instinctively, and crawl away, but somebody grabs me by my backpack and drags me back.

“... there’s something in there.”

“... open it.”

Four arms wrestle the backpack off of me, and I groan in agony as somebody presses my broken nose into the dirt. I protest but it’s muffled by soil. Nobody hears it. Nobody cares. I hear my knapsack’s zipper being undone, and my pain is washed away and replaced with terror. My body seizes. I forget to breathe.

The moment lasts a lifetime. I know their words before they ever speak them.

What the fuck?

I hear the sound of a backpack hitting the forest floor, and things spilling out of it. I hear gagging. Retching. I hear footsteps stumbling backward. Soon, their shock will be replaced with anger. Rage. Something tears at my mind. It’s crashing against it. Demanding it’s time in the light and roaring at me to stop being such a coward and do something about this. I slam my eyes shut. I can’t. I won’t.

I am happy.

“... filled with dead animals.”

“... he’s a fucking psychopath!”

Hands grip the front of my t-shirt and pull me up from the ground. They’re shouting about the dead squirrel and the dead rat and the dead cat in my bag. A fist connects with my face. Blood hits the ground. Another fist. More blood.

“... whose cat did you kill, freak?”

“... I'm gonna hurl.”

I open my mouth, and I don’t care anymore. The words come out like a broken dam. It feels good. It feels overdue. “Offerings,” I sputter. “They’re offerings.”

“... he’s lost it.”

“... offerings for what?”

I smile, and my teeth are slick with my own blood. “Offerings to cure me.”

Adam Wallace raises the switchblade, pressing the cold steel against my throat. I close my eyes. Something riots inside of me, throbbing against my skull. I push it back. Death is in the air. Rough hands grip my hair, and I wince as they lurch my head roughly to the side. Adam’s voice is beside me. It's up against my ear. “Offerings, huh? You think you’re some kinda fuckin’ witch, Hermione Granger?”

“No,” I say.

Something shifts in the trees behind Adam and his friends, and a figure steps out from the brush. I recognize them. They've been following us since we left the school.

Suhky recognizes them too. He tries to step in front of Adam and me, block us from view. Words fall out of his mouth. He's giving her an explanation, maybe. A reason things aren't as bad they seem. He's interrupted by a horrible, wet-sounding jab. Then another. There’s a series of four slick rips, like a pen tearing through paper, or a knife cutting into skin. A gasp.

“... Jesus Christ, Maggie!”

Adam clambers off of me.

“... what’s wrong with you?”

“... she fucking killed him, Adam!"

Suhky falls to the ground. I close my eyes. I am happy. Warm piss soaks the dirt beneath me, and my limbs tremor with anxiety. I am happy.

There’s the sound of panicked feet, but it’s going in the wrong direction. It’s running away from me. The person’s muttering and whimpering, and I think it sounds like Adam Wallace but I can’t be sure.

Somebody else is struggling now. Two voices dance together on my left, just past my vision. A boy and a girl. It's David Cho and Maggie. They’re grunting a symphony of dying breaths. I hear dirt shift and leaves crack beneath stirring footsteps, and the smack of limbs grasping limbs.

There’s another wet jab, and a body drops. David asks, why? Another slick rip. The knife's tearing into him over and over, and he keeps asking why. Why are you doing this, he cries. Why me, Maggie? I hear his skin split twice more, and the questions stop.

A girl steps into view, standing above me. Her hair is a wild red, and her face is speckled crimson, just like the knife in her hand. She reaches down, and I think she might help me up, but instead, she starts placing the dead animals back into my bag, one by one.

“You forgot the rabbit,” she says, and her voice is colder than winter. Her eyes appraise me but they're missing something. They're empty. “That demon will kill you, you know. Just like it killed your sister, and just like it'll kill your mother, too. Unless you give it to me first."

"I know," I say. "I'm trying to."

She pouts her lips. Folds her arms. A doll hangs from her neck, and it's dressed in pins and needles and it looks like me. "I told you three offerings, didn't I?" She looks around. "I count two and a bag of roadkill."

Adam.

I have to roll over so I don’t choke on the blood spilling into my throat from my broken nose. “I can’t,” I cough. “I can’t catch him on crutches.”

“Then don’t,” she says with a sneer. Something tugs at my mind.

I close my eyes. I clench my fists. I want to scream and lose control, but I can’t because if that happens, then I’m not happy anymore. People I love will die. They always do. “Can’t you get him?”

“I've already done my part. The spell is specific. The final offering dies by your hand, or your nightmare doesn't end." Her mouth splits into a wide smile. "You don't have to kill him alone, though."

I stare at her, and I don’t have any words to fight back. She kneels next to me and runs a hand through my tangle of hair, gripping it painfully. She’s smiling, but she’s not. There’s not enough play in her cheeks. She forgets to engage her eyes.

"... now or never."

"I can't."

"... sure you can."

I whimper as the knife plunges into me, again and again. There’s a ripping sound, followed by another, and another. I clench my eyes. I ball my fists. I am happy. I am happy.

The knife sinks into me once more, and this time Maggie fishes it around my stomach a while. It twists, and I scream. I thrash and roar. Something escapes. It pulls itself over my bones, wraps itself around my mind, and extinguishes my thoughts before whispering madness into my ears.

I am not happy.

And neither is it.

[purplerakath]

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - Small Changes

So, naturally, a lot of focus has been on the big overall narrative changes. Pretty obvious that the focus would all be on the big 'oh what' moments from Ep 1, and then 6-8. But there are a ton of smaller focus shifts that matter.

Not planning to focus on the Spoilers but they might show up.

Wallace Wells

You might think this is where I say 'he's meaner' or 'he's more of an asshole' and you'd be wrong. He's simply less kind. Or, more accurately, his kindness just isn't in focus or shown off. See, in the books you get a lot of him being an asshole. Making out with Stacie's boyfriends and two timing... everyone not named Mobile. But you also get him being viscerally angry at Envy over what she did to Scott. He calls Scott out, but does like having Scott around. We get a little of that Wallace in ep 7, but mostly? We get cruelty without the counterbalance. It does change how he reads.

Knives Chau (17 years old)

So the film and books her 'Scott is not her life' moments are off screen. Takes off did them on screen, so we get a lot more of who Knives is without Scott in her mind. That her love of music is deeper than just 'she cares about Scott' or 'she actually listens to Stephen's lyrics' (that's from the beach episode when Julie is being awful). Where the Wallace change made him somewhat worse, this change made Knives worlds better.

Ramona Flowers

This isn't about the plot focus, that's a big change. I care about just a thing in Ep 1 (and a little of Ep 3). In the movies Ramona is aloof, better than, and distant to the idea of dating Scott. In the books she's more directly antagonistic of Scott, his hobbies, and who he is. Ramona in this version more directly shows her interest over him being a charming idiot and seems completely in for his nerdy gaming and comics things. Even if she doesn't know anything about Sonic the Hedgehog. This change is very subtle, but cements the rest of the show.

Scott Pilgrim

Scotty, of course, is a little different too. He's still dating Knives, but there's less interest in his reasoning. Wallace still calls Knives Scott's 'fake high school girlfriend' and Scott doesn't claim to be dating her, just 'sort of' dating her. It also doesn't give him any slack for not breaking up with her when he should. But makes clear his intentions are more or less being a dumbass, not taking advantage. The other change, of course, omitting most of Scott's past. If you know the books, you know this stuff to explain why he's bad at things™. But without that information his being a dumbass manchild is just left there for us to weigh without context. This omission isn't bad, exactly, it simply is. He still works as a main love interest, he's still charming enough to believe Ramona would love him. But it does remove some of this depth, the cost to add depth to... everyone else.

The others don't have small changes, not to the degree of those four. Young Neil is more of an idiot than the books. Kim's less complicated without exploring her history. Those things. But they aren't as worth discussing.

I also wouldn't call the changes to the exes small. They're pretty large changes. But if you think I should talk about some of them I can.

[becauseplot]

ok so i couldn't watch ordem paranormal quarentena live yesterday but im rotating it in my head at supersonic speeds. here have the reactions and notes i was taking while watching the VODs. i figured i'd just make it all one post since i'm super late to the party and i didn't rly feel like "lag"-blogging. (i am. so tired rn lmao)

Quackity will find a way to play the “asshole” character in every universe.

Luis: “My name is Luis Miguel….Kennedy :))” Cellbit, breaking character, pinching the bridge of his nose: “…Did you put ‘Kennedy’ in your name and you didn’t tell me?” (Honestly one of my favorite parts of the whole session HIS FACE)

Lucie IMMEDIATELY starting beef with the ten year old (good for her)

Wait did that doctor try to do a Schrödinger's cat demonstration with the cardboard box and poisoned tuna??? Aw that would've been so cool. I mean not for the cat but for me, personally. I would've found it cool. Man :(

Jeffery pulling a second box of pizza out of the aether to put over the smoke grenade. Loony toons ass motherfuckers.

Jeffery panic throwing the keys at Luis (Honestly same dude)

WALLACE!!

Holy FUCK the reveal of the blood covered corridor?? THE WAY CELLBIT INTRODUCED THE MONSTER?? Genuinely had me tensing up hooooo it was so good!! (Cellbit: “You can’t explain why…but you don’t want to look at what’s coming around the corner.” Me, with a hand over the screen: “Oh bestie you have no idea 😀”)

THE CHASE SEQUENCE RASHASHSHSRAAHAHHH <-me shaking it around in my mouth like a chew toy

Also all the sounds Cellbit makes? The acting of showing how the infecteds' bodies move?? He's so into it AUGHH he's such a good storyteller I'm going nuts.

Luis: “OMA CULERO BOOOOM!��� *fucking decks the monster* (THIS PART HAD ME ROLLING OH MY GOD ROIER)

Baghera’s playstyle!! She always tries to go for the non obvious answer or a third option instead of whatever Cellbit throws at them. (Checking the metal pannel with the wires, trying to put out the boiler fire, going to check Luis’ wounds.) I bet it has something to do with the fact that she’s played rpg before, and MAN I love it.

Cellbit: “You reach behind you and you realize you don’t have your backpack.” Diego: “No, no, mi vida!!… Ohhh we’re all gonna die 0(-(“

Cellbit: “So Jeffery what’re you doing?” Jeffery: “Houghhhggh I’m throwin up, man.”

Benito isn’t an actual doctor?? The fuck lmao???

Benito: *cuts off Michael’s arm* “Ohhhhh you fucking dumbass I’m gonna keep this as a memory.” BENITO???????

Jeffery constantly throwing things at the wall when he’s upset fhdjkdkd 

Lucie climbing the FUCKING walls. YEAHH!! GET ON TOP OF THAT COMPUTER GO GO GO!!

Ohhhhhhh the killing the animal who's suffering question. Luis with the gun. And the suffering doctor.. And he said he'd end the animal's suffering. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Update: Benito also has beef with the same ten year old

They are playing hot potato with an infected fetus. They threw it at the little girl. Loony toons ass motherfuckers. (Again.)

These dumbasses are SO awful with kids lmao

Lucie the MVP LETSGO she's so smart I love her (a fucking twenty NINE dude holy SHIT she is carrying she is the moment she has the only functioning braincell in this entire facility)

RAHFDHGGAGHSARHGAH CHASE SEQUENCE PART TWO!!!

Character development ! Benito is willing to throw his phone :D (he doesn't though)

Luis I love you but I think you killed Lucie. A for effort though.

NEVERMIND Diego is the best he's helping Lucie I love him smmm

JEFFERY NOOOO YOU CANT DIE NOOOOOOOO

YEAHHHHH DIEGO LETSGOOOO

MICHAEL????????? MICHAEL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING RIGHT NOW?????????????

WHAT THE FUCK THEYRE GOIGN RTO BRAZILTHEYRHGOIENG TO BRASIXIZNGL WHATHHTHAHHHHTAWHAT

Wait what the fuck happened to Amy is she just like. Still sitting there. In the energy room. Crying. Oh my god they're so bad with kids.

[mywifeleftme]

210: Leslie Winer // If I Hit You—You’ll Feel It

If I Hit You—You’ll Feel It Leslie Winer 2021, Light in the Attic

There’s an exchange at the end of the otherwise useful booklet packaged with Light in the Attic’s career-spanning Leslie Winer compilation that ranks among the most embarrassing moments for music journalism in recent memory. After providing helpful context on Winer’s groundbreaking but obscure dub/trip-hop project ©, British journalist Wyndham Wallace tracks the reclusive artist and ex-supermodel down at her home in the French countryside for a wide-ranging interview about her life and times. Then this happens:

In bed that night, beneath the blue twilight of a frosted skylight, I’d reflected upon our conversations as I struggled to sleep. I was still secretly thrilled that—thanks to an improbably inadvertent meeting a decade earlier, at the memorial for another similarly reclusive musical pioneer—I’d finally come to learn the full story of the woman whose music had first bewitched me over a quarter century ago. I began shaping her life’s narrative in my mind, wrestling with words, trying to come up with a pithy reason why I found her so compelling. In the end, only one term felt appropriate, and even that was woefully insufficient. From my mouth, at least, it seemed ridiculous. But then I imagined how it would sound if she said it. So, as we wind things up, I ask if she’s got time for one more question. “Sure,” she answers cheerfully. “How would you respond,” I say, “to the idea of someone describing you as ‘badass’?” There’s a pause. A long pause. “I don’t even really know what that means,” she finally replies, shaking her head quietly, her face betraying confusion and, in all honesty, what might be a hint of sadness. “Badass: it’s just a… I don’t really know. It doesn’t really mean anything. It’s so overused. Laden.” I’d not expected her to willingly embrace the description. Nevertheless, I’d thought she might see it as a compliment. I decide to elaborate on my definition. “To me,” I say, “a ‘badass’ is someone who doesn’t take any shit, who tells it like it is, then gets on and does things their way.” “Yeah,” Winer drawls, but then she falls silent again. “I don’t just mean in your life,” I add. “I also mean in your art.” Outside, the snow has ceased, and the clouds, the clouds are like dirty cotton. “You’ve got to be good at it,” I persist. “You’ve got to be good to be badass.” At last the ‘endurer’ nods, almost to herself. “Yeah,” she says slowly. “Yeah, well I didn’t have any other choice. Because, you know, I can’t imagine being any other way. What was I going to do? Dumbass lying?” No, I think to myself. You were never going to do that. But when you hit me, I feel it.

Then he signs his fucking name! That’s now it ends! Look, sometimes you make a fool of yourself when you get a chance to talk to your heroes. It’s a totally normal, human reaction. But how blinkered do you have to be to make it your 22-page article’s kicker, to exactingly document that interaction like it somehow gets to the obscure core of the artist’s life that you’ve been driving towards, instead of as the moment you succeeded in pulling your own underwear over your forehead before you were broomed out of her chateau at the earliest possible opening? Imagine, months after the fact, being so hornily fixated on having gotten this woman to say the Pinterest word you jammed into her mouth that it still seems like a good idea to include it. “Nailed it,” you say under your breath, having girlbossified a serious artist in the grimmest battle of attrition the French countryside has seen since the Somme.

Great compilation though! Thanks to her striking appearance and what seems to have been an inborn Coolness, Winer infiltrated the fashion and art world of 1980s New York and London as a teen, becoming a highly sought-after model before making her way into the record business. Under the name ©, she recorded her first solo album Witch in 1990, though it would be three years before the full LP would see release. In the meantime, a few white label singles circulated in the London DJ scene, making them some of the earliest examples of what would later be known as trip-hop to hit the circuit.

Winer had an art school background, and she brought an intuitive, experimental sensibility to the recording process, crafting echoing, dubby beats out of digitally chopped samples and analog contributions by friends, including ex-Public Image Ltd. bassist Jah Wobble and members of an abortive previous project called Max. Over these innovative soundscapes, Winer holds forth with a stream of spoken word poetry, flashes of repeated concrete details intercut with abstract musings, influenced by her Beat mentors William S. Burroughs and Herbert Huncke and delivered with a Lydia Lunch-style sneer:

The clouds were moving across the sky Filling up with rain Some damn basketball game You can hear the thunder start to say You had to be there, if you know what I mean Old lady Santa Claus screaming at the Kennedys You just hold that thought.

As noted, it took ages for Witch to come out (to limited but intense acclaim), and while she recorded here and there throughout the ‘90s little of it made much impact outside a small cult of critics and collaborators. Eventually, the pressures of kicking a heroin habit and caring for five children as a single mother forced music onto the backburner until a period of renewed activity in the 2010s. If I Hit You—You’ll Feel It is the first collection to span her entire career, including a few previously unreleased cuts, and it shows she continued to find new ways to dismantle and rebuild her style as she aged. “Tree” (recorded in 1996 but unreleased till 2012) combines mandolin, loops assembled from traditional Irish folk recordings, and a light-stepping breakbeat; the previously unreleased “Fragment #2,” recorded with Mari G. Mooney in 2015, is near-ambient, little more than an unsteady beat pattern and a single, sparkly decaying note around her hoarse murmur. Always reliable for an acidly quotable line (“I’ve got a couple of drops of Indian blood / Mostly on my hands”; “I’ve seen you in some stupid fucking outfits in my time / But that one takes the prize”) and a surly gravitas, I will say this in poor journo Wyndham Wallace’s defence: if I met Winer, I’m sure I’d act like a total fucking dork too.

210/365

[gangles-toybox]

Scott Pilgrim vs Anthrax(and emotions)

Context: Was written with Frantic Fanfic by meself, the only prompt skipped was Pens + added the last few words after the timer ran out and idk why text changes randomly. Actual context/plot: so erm basically Scott gets a bottle from Ramona but when he shows Wallace there's Anthrax, Scott gets sick but then he goes out for donuts and Wallace and Scott have happy domestic moment and then cuddle :3 then after that Scott worrying and Wallace comforts him. This was really fun to write, very impulsive but fun!! Not directly stated but implied Scott x Wallace

Scott opens his door and finds a strange bottle on the ground. He was curious, since of course Wallace wouldn't do this. He didn't think at least. He pulled out the corkscrew and pulled out the letter from inside the bottle. It was from…Ramona? What did she want to talk about? They had barely met yesterday…was she already longing for him? Despite what his ego wanted to hear, he erased that idea from his head. She was too cool to already go crazy for him. He read the letter and as he skimmed it one thing really drew his attention. She…she admitted he was cool? And she liked Sonic??? This was the best day of his life!! He ran back inside to show Wallace the letter, though he knew he probably wouldn't care. Still, he had to share his excitement with somebody.

Scott pranced in and handed the letter off to Wallace as he skipped inside, with a big dopey grin on his face. Wallace just sighed and started reading what dumbass shit Scott was so fucking happy about. He glanced through the letter of mushy gushy shit until he saw the last words. He froze, even he couldn't believe this.

"…Scott."

"It's great right?? She's so cool and awesome and pretty! Maybe we're really meant to be…"

"…about that. Did you read the last line?"

He cocked his head to the side like a dog. "No, why?" He frowned, he hoped he wasn't messing with him or anything.

Wallace chuckled. "She's asking you to marry her. Looks like the line about Sonic somehow reeled her in."

"…wh-what…???" He said as he sneezed into his elbow. "Ugh…but seriously what??"

"But I mean who could blame her? Who could resist your precious little face?" He said with only slight sarcasm in his tone, grabbing at his face like an overecentric aunt would.

"Wallaaaccceee!" He groaned, but he didn't move his hand. "I'm serious! Why would she ask me over a letter?"

He shrugged. "She does have seven exes, communication isn't her strong suit." He said matter of factly.

"I just…Wallace I'm not ready to be married!" He said, shaking his shoulders.

"Well I would take it at the rate you're going. Not a lot of girls are into Sonic fanboy historians." He said, smiling and shook the letter a little to flatten it out a little to reread to see if that was actually what it was.

As he did so, some kind of powder came out of the letter. Scott started to sneeze much more as a result. He was a wheezing mess, his arm going up involuntarily after each sneeze as his snot embedded itself onto the inside of his elbow and his eyes got teared up.

"What the heck is that stuff?"

Wallace shrugged. "Probably Anthrax."

"….?"

"The stuff that kills people?"

"Wh-Wha-" Before Scott could even get his words out, another sneeze overtook him, blowing the booger straight out of his nose.

"God you're a mess." Despite that, Wallace got up and pulled out a can of leftover chicken noodle soup and squeezed it out into a bowl, giving it to him with a plastic spoon.

"Oh, thanks." He said, disregarding the spoon and just chugging like a drink. Wallace rolled his eyes, but Scott liked doing it this way, as the soup went faster into his system as he felt the warmth enter his body and spread all around. It was kinda nice. He burped and wiped off his mouth.

"…anyways," Wallace began. "But who would send Anthrax to you? Unless the girl of your dreams is the girl of your nightmares."

"…uh…" He shrugged, as though he didn't have a whole team of exes ready to kick his ass.

"Lovely." He sniffed the air, and something didn't smell right. "Scott…did you take a shower today?"

"Yes!"

Wallace corked an eyebrow.

"…you didn't have enough money on your card for me to get shampoo."

"There is 4 unopened bottles of shampoo that only you use."

"What? You use them too!"

"Scott, unlike you, I don't want to smell like "Sonic the Hedgehog smell: new blueberry scent!" but that's just me." He said, putting his hand over his heart.

"…" Scott didn't say anything, just looking away awkwardly. He got up and put on his shoes.

"Where are you going?"

"Donuts."

"Scotty, use your words." Wallace said with a smirk.

Despite his annoyance, he complied. "To Julie's coffee shop to get donuts. I'm hungry."

"But I thought I 'didn't have enough money on my card'! How will you pay for them?" He asked in a fake concerned voice. "Plus, you're still sneezing."

"…I'll be fine." He just glared at him before trying to move on. "…what kind do you want?"

"Boston cream."

"Boston cream!?" Scott asked, like it was just the worst thing in the world to ever want.

"…yes? Is there a problem with me asking that you use my money to get me a donut?"

"Well, I mean they just suck. Jam filled ones are the way to go."

"You're saying I have shitty taste? Ok…" He looked up at him, his face dropping as though he had lost all respect for him.

Scott stuck his tongue out to him and left.

"I hate to see him go, but I love to watch him walk away." He said to himself, chuckling.

He walked all the way to Julie's coffee shop and returned home with a whole baker's dozen.

Wallace perked up and walked over to the box. He searched for the perfect Boston cream… …only to soon realize that Scott had only gotten one. He wasn't very surprised necessarily, just disappointed. Still, he was surprised that he even remembered to get him one.

Wallace sat back down at his chair with his Boston cream donut, munching on it happily. Scott sat on the floor next to him, gorging himself with his precious jam-filled donuts.

"Y'know Scott you chose a bad place to sit."

He looked up at him curiously.

"You're at the perfect height to do…" He put a hand on his head, giving him an affectionate noogie. "…this."

Despite how annoyed he would usually be at this, considering he had his donuts and he was already feeling crappy, it actually felt kind of…nice. He still didn't react much though, just simply smiling as he shoved the next donut into his mouth. They didn't have many authentic domestic moments like this, where it was clear that they weren't just joking around but actually cared about one another.

Wallace was a little surprised but happy to comply, rubbing around his ears and the back of his head. Scott smiled wider as he finished his 12 donuts, jam all across his face.

"Jesus, you're a mess." He said, though in a more caring way than he usually did.

"Oh boy, how can I ever repay you for telling me something so important?" He asked sarcastically, looking back at him.

He pretended to fake think. "Hmm…I don't know. I'll let you know one of these days."

Despite the…odd circumstances of that day, they continued to enjoy that moment for a lot longer than they usually would have. Eventually, night fell and Wallace felt a pair of arms around him in his sleep. He didn't understand really why Scott had decided to cuddle him tonight or, at all really, but he didn't mind it either. They both went peacefully off to sleep, thinking of that

day.

The next morning, Scott woke up first. He got his hands off of him immediately. He didn't even remember doing that in the first place…nonetheless, he got up and walked to the kitchen. He yawned loudly as he felt something within him was…different. A good different. It seemed like there was never any snot in his nose in the first place.

"How odd…" he thought to himself, but after a second, he didn't really care, despite the fact he had no medicine and the only real difference he did differently was the fact he cuddled with Wallace.

He waved off any thoughts he had of that nature. After all, he still had that damned letter to think about. What if she was joking? He didn't know why he thought that, I mean they had a really good time and everything other than that last line seemed realistic enough for her to think. He was surprised that she would tell him any of that, but still. Maybe this was her way of breaking up with him. An…odd…way of breaking up, but marriage, especially so early on in a relationship, do usually scare people away.

He just sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, looking down at the table. He wasn't doing much, just staring. But in his mind, he was spiraling with all the possibilities of what could be happening. He didn't even know why, considering logically, they had just met, if she didn't like him, he shouldn't care. But…logic was not in his favor, and he felt connected to her a lot more that he thought he should be. After all, she was the girl of his dreams.

He hugged his knees as he saw Wallace finally enter the kitchen. He jumped a little, trying to reorganize his thought processes to appear somewhat put together. He put his legs down immediately, sitting up fairly straight.

"Hey"

"…hey." Wallace looked at him from the corner of his eye, eyeing him down. This was unusual behavior for Scott, usually he didn't really care if Wallace was in the room or not, no matter what he was doing. No. Matter. What. But now, he was acting like a dog that was scared of upsetting its owner.

He sat down at the table across from him. "Thinking about the big ex still?"

"The big what…? Oh, no, not her. The girl of my dreams."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you are."

"Well…that letter she wrote." He looked at him like that short explanation somehow explained all the feelings he was feeling.

Despite this, Wallace seemed to understand. "Right. I'm wondering if one of her exes wrote it."

"What? Why?"

"No matter how hot you are, I don't think anybody would want to marry you after one date. Plus, if she's willing to marry you, why would she want to poison you with Anthrax?"

"Oh yea I forgot about that…"

"You just casually forgot about the thing that could kill you?"

He nodded. "…still."

Wallace sighed, walking over to him. "You're too much of a wreck to handle right now, even for me." He said as the only explanation for what he would do next. He wrapped his arms around him.

Scott was…taken a back like this. Despite being friends, they usually didn't do friendly gestures like this. However, he welcomed his affection in this trying time. And seemingly, all his worries faded away. Maybe all he needed was Wallace after all.

[oldyoungneil]

Wrote something for Stephan and Wallace :] apologies if it's OOC it's very late at night and I'm new to the fandom (also I have yet to read the comics)

Description: Stephan gets a little wasted at a (lame) house party. Wallace is there to "help".

No NSFW. There's kissing but it's not super detailed. Also drugs and alcohol but fair warning I've never tried either so I've got no frame of reference.

Stephan Stills was fine. He was totally fine. At least that's what he told himself as he stood outside the door to Scott's apartment. He was going to go to this stupid birthday party and then go home and it was not gonna suck and he was going to have a good time.

   Stephan raised his hand to knock, but the door flew open before he made contact, causing his knuckles to make land with force on the forehead of Scott's roommate Wallace.

   "C'mon dude, not the face! That's the money maker, the man magnet-" Wallace was cut off before he could finish his long winded complaint. "Sorry! Sorry, I'm here for the party... Scott's birthday thing?" Stephen asked, trying to disguise the stress in his voice."Yeah, I know what your here for, come inside before you freeze to death." Wallace pulled Stephen into the house by his shirt collar, closing the door behind him.

   "Theres drinks on the kitchen counter, and some edibles if that's more your speed. You should get, like, thirty. You look like you're about to explode or something and I am NOT cleaning your bits off my ceiling" Wallace teased and squeezed Stephen's shoulder before walking away to bother Scott.

   Stephen decided to pass on the weed (at least for now; weed made him stupid) and found his way toward the closest beer. Looking around the small house, it didn't seem quite like a party to Stephan. He supposed that checked out, though, considering Scott had about six friends (one of which being a high school girl). He wasn't complaining though. He wasn't in the mood for a crowd anyway.

   The mood got a bit livelier as the group got drunker, and eventually someone turned on some music. At some point, Stephen danced with Kim and then with Scott. After a bit of jumping around, Stephen's stomach decided that the brownies by the counter looked pretty tasty. His brain thought that one would be plenty, but his stomach thought five would be good. He listened to his stomach.

   Another (very hazy) hour or so went by before everyone started to leave. Scott went home with Ramoma, and the rest of the party followed, eventually leaving Stephan alone with Wallace.

   "Im.. uh... party's over... pretty tired... home" Stephan mumbled out. Wallace groaned. "Dude, how many of those brownies did you eat?" Stephan thought for a moment. "Umm. I dunno. Like... five? Sorry man... I'll pay you back or whatever... or bake you some more or something... didn't mean to eat all your food." "No, dumbass, you don't need to pay me back. I just... dude! I told you those were edibles! I can't measure shit! God knows how much weed was in those! Look, dude, you're not walking home! Just... I dunno, Scott's gone off somewhere, just take his spot and stay the night." Stephan shrugged his shoulders and took off his shoes before flopping onto the mattress on the floor.

   Wallace threw some old basketball shorts and an undershirt at Stephen. "Here. Those are Scott's. Probably better than sleeping in jeans" Stephen stood up from the bed and began to unbutton his shirt. Wallace considered telling him to change in the bathroom, but, hell, who was he to turn down a show. Stephen continued working on his shirt untill his unfocused fingers stumbled upon a particularly tricky button that they couldn't quite make work of. "Seriously man" Wallace rolled his eyes "I thought guitarist were supposed to be good with their fingers. Here, lemme just..." Wallace stepped closer to Stephen, unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way. "There ya go"

   It could've just been his imagination, but Wallace swore Stephan turned about seventy different shades of red. "Uhh... thanks" Stephen mumbled as he unzipped his jeans and attempted to step out of then without falling on his ass(which, in his current state, required some concentration).

   "So", Wallace moved closer to Stephen. "Weed makes you stupid. Stupid people talk alot. Tell me a secret" Stephen shrugged. "I think I'm gay... or something... hey, arnt you gay...?"

   Stephen looked around for the spare clothes that Wallace had brought, but couldn't find them. "Wheres-" Wallace, who had already made his way under the covers, cut him off before he could finish. "Don't worry about it. Just get in." Wallace patted the space beside him in the bed. Stephan, who had no better ideas, did as he was told.

Wallace laughed. "Yeah, dude, it's obvious! Both of those things are obvious!"

   Stephan furrowed his eyebrows like he was deep in thought. Wallace was right, weed did make him stupid. Stephen squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his lips against the other man's. Or at least, he meant to. He overshot his target a bit and ended up with a little bit of top lip and a whole lot of nose. Wallace laughed before he kissed Stephen, running his hands through Stephen's hair. Stephen reciprocated fervently, moving closer to Wallace.

   Stephen nodded again, but his eyes stayed on Wallace. Wallace thought it was kinda creepy. He grabbed Stephen by the shoulders and turned him away, little spoon style, before putting an arm around his shoulders. "Go to sleep, man" Wallace whispered, but Stephen was already out.

   The two continued like this for a number of minutes, untill Wallace pulled away. "Look, man, im not gonna sleep with you." Stephen looked confused. "I mean, you can stay on the mattress and you can kiss me all you want, but that's it. You're waaaay too wasted for any fun stuff. Look, i may be a slut, but I have standards." Stephen nodded understandingly. "Hey, if you're still up for it, we can talk in the morning, but I've been up all day and im exhausted, so just go to sleep, ok?"

[b4nanaa]

AMERICAN HISTORY NOTES 11/9

9 black students going to class at Little Rock high on September 5, 1927

They were met with violence

Mayor of Little Rock had personally contacted Eisenhower (president) and said he wanted military help because the governor asked for the national guard to prevent any black people into entering 

The army trumps the national guard 

Orville declares he will fight segregation anywhere he goes and will not allow for racism in any state (against his power)

George C Wallace, governor of Alabama, awful man

Doctors did not need to tell women what was wrong with them, but would tell the men

Irene Wallace had cancer, but George didn't tell her. She ended up figuring out herself and was upset at him, which confused him. DUMBASS

George C Wallace stood on the balcony of Alabama and that balcony is a famous location

He declared a speech of segregation now and forever!!!!!!

He said the same thing over and over again

That's all he said for the 1960's

Later in life, he came to Jesus moment, and apologized publicly towards the end of life for being racist and tried to make amends with African Americans in Alabama. Some even forgave him.

In the end he tried to make things right, but the consequences remained

Emmett Till, 1941-1955 (only 14 years old), he was beaten and then killed by two men after apparently 'whistling' at someone's wife. Everyone knew who it was. The FBI knew who did it.

The two men were arrested and were found not guilty from an all white court. They laughed and joked as they left about doing that to a fourteen black boy.

He paid the price for white supremacy and his mother insisted on an open casket for the world to see

White America finally went what is going down on the South: What is this, why is this happening?

FUCK THE KILLERS RAHHHHHHHHHHH

This dumb bitch admitted he never whistled and was respectful. Fucking dumb whore THAT DONT CHANGE SHIT

Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, 1929-1968

Rosa Parks, 1913-1992

Started the bus boycott

Refused to give up her seat and was arrested

This wasn't a spontaneous thing, she had volunteered to do this and worked with the leadership of the Civil Rights movement to do this

Bus boycott continued for 1 year and 10 days and not one person got on the Montgomery bus and amazingly, a lot of white people too

Bomb in church on Sunday (hoping to hurt or kill people)

According to MLK, one of the most vicious crimes that's happened in the Civil Rights Era

Once again, everyone knew who did it, but this time they did nothing

No one was arrested even till 1977

The bomb killed 4 girls under the age of 12 and injured 22 more

Edmund Pettis Bridge, Selma, AL

By 1965, the right to vote was something the South didn't like and the bridge was used to get to the polls by African Americans

Selma had a 35% black population

By '83 of that year, people started a confirmation to 400 unarmed black people

Black man was even shot in the gut and died

MLK and others planned a peaceful march and had to crossed this bridge

Bloody Sunday, March 7 on 1965

Armed troopers attacked peaceful demonstrators who were walking across the bridge in numbers. Started in the sidewalks, then moved to the street when there were no cars, but they couldn't see what was waiting for them till they reached the top of the bridge. They saw the police and upon seeing them, were terrified.

Asked one if they knew how to swim

They continued and then were beat and shot by the police

Major networks were there too, therefore leading to televised footage of this

The marchers were bloodied and were severely injured

Worked against the plan of George C. Wallace and the troopers

17 marchers were hospitalized

April 1968, Lorraine Hotel, Memphis, TN

One of MLK most impressive speech, the Temple of the Mountain, and he was in Memphis when he gave the speech

He concluded he knew he was going to die (many death threats and most were credible)

He knew his time was limited

Its the poor white people

Some of the why us and not you?

If you're poor, you're constantly attacked and made to feel less human. But it doesn't excuse shit bitch

Two of the worst schools in Boston because they were the poorest

Football season got canceled because parents were throwing rocks due to black students

Black and white students had to enter through different entrances

Restore Our Alienated Rights (ROAR), this didn't include black people

[mushroompoisoning]

finished watching the dlc. wailing adn sobbing

having so so many thoughts about ethan and rose winters. he loved his daughter so so much and he promised her everything but he FUCKING DIED )): he got all embarrassed about how sappy he was in his promises to always be there for her he locked it in a drawer and then showed her later in some hellish mold mindscape... he was thinking about one day being able to drink wine with her when shes old enough... he loved her so much... and then he fucking died... and he still got to finally see her 16 years later because like him, she threw herself into something so incredibly dangerous and refused to go back until she got what she came for. like father like daughter (,: i know he wouldve been smiling and shaking his head when he called her stubborn

[goldenhydreigon47]

Thoughts on Every Gym Leader/Kahuna, Trial Captain, Elite 4 Member, and Champion (excluding Gen 7 since YOU become the champion. Plus we'll do Professors and Rivals at a later date and that's when I'll cover N, Kukui, and Hau. And yes this means Blue, Cheren, Marnie, and Bede will be covered twice)

Brock: A simp but a loveable simp whom we all love. 50/10

Misty: BEST GIRL. She was my first Pokémon crush and I love how sassy she is. 100/10

Lt. Surge: Dundabolt. 25/10

Erika: Oh cool, her design looks pretty so her battle should be go- aaaaaand its over. 8/10

Koga: He's a ninja. 100/10

Janine: Girlboss Ninja. 150/10

Sabrina: Creepy but also really cool. 80/10

Blaine: HOPE YA HAVE BURN HEAL! 12/10

Giovanni: I love this mafioso and Team Rocket as a whole so much. 60/10

Lorelei: Big Mommy Milkers (in the anime at least) but also a pretty cool (heh) demeanor. 73/10

Bruno: That's it? That was the battle? 5/10

Agatha: Status Effect O'Clock. 30/10

Lance: The OG Dragon Master... with only one Dragon on his team. 47/10

Blue: Do I even need to say anything? 100/10

Falkner: For a first Gym Leader, he's pretty bland imo. 6/10

Bugsy: Transmasc Icon. NeedsHeracrossAsHisAce/10

Whitney: Fuck Miltank. -65/10

Morty: *[insert unfunny Rick and Morty joke here]* 35/10

Chuck: Boring. 3/10

Jasmine: And the easiest Gym puzzle award goes to. 20/10

Pryce: How did my dumbass child-self get stuck on this old man for so long? ChildhoodDumbness/10

Clair: Sore Loser. Doesn't deserve the Dragon Type. 4/10

Will: Boring. 2/10

Karen: Literally the only good Karen. 35/10

Roxanne: Brock but boring. 6/10

Brawly: Surfer Bro. Probably smokes weed. 15/10

Wattson: Oh hey its the guy who had his whole team one shot by Ash's Pikachu. 5/10

Flannery: Hot both literally and figuratively. I love her demeanor and how deep down nervous she is. 50/10

Norman: The Only Good Father Figure in this series. 30/10

Winona: Boring tbh. Hot, but boring. 4/10

Tate and Liza: Ah yes, Surf Fodder. 8/10

Wallace: Fabulous Gay Water Man. I love him and want to date him one day. 78/10

Juan: Wallace but not gay but just as fabulous. 60/10

Sidney: He just wants a good fight yet uses two Dark Types with one of the worst defensive type comboes in the series. 11/10

Phoebe: Transfemme Icon. We stan. 70/10

Glacia: Boring. 1/10

Drake: Lance but better. 57/10

Steven: How does Hoenn have not one, but TWO hot champions? I love this rock collector. 80/10

Roark: Like father... 30/10

Gardenia: She gives me Daisy from Mario vibes. I like it. 40/10

Maylene: Fighting Type Misty. I love her. 55/10

Wallace: YOU'RE GOIN' NOWHERE! I GOTCHA FOR THREE MINUTES, THREE MINUTES OF PLAYTIME! 90/10

Fantina: She's 100% from Kalos and just moved from there to Sinnoh. 70/10

Byron: ...like son. 30/10

Candice: WORST. GYM. PUZZLE. 8/10

Volkner: Minato from Naruto but emo. 80/10

Aaron: The absolute balls of this man to use Dustox and Beautifly. 20/10

Bertha: Oh hello ma'am. You look very kind. Welp, time to sweep you with Torterra/Empoleon. 9/10

Flint: Ah yes, my favorite Fire Types: Drifblim, Lopunny, and Steelix. 50/10

Lucian: Why are the Psychic Elite 4 Members the most boring? 5/10

Cynthia: *[WAR FLASHBACKS]*

Also, she's hot and very funny in the anime. 110/10

Cilan: The best part of the Unova anime. 8/10

Chili: Meh 1. 3/10

Cress: Meh 2. At least he's handsome. 6/10

Cheren: Someone tell me why he looks lowkey cute in B2W2? 7/10

Lenora: Hard Female Normal Type Gym Leader but actually likeable. We stan. 8/10

Roxie: She did the whole punk rock thing before Piers made it cool. 78/10

Burgh: The Other Transmasc Icon of the Bug Type users. 40/10

Elesa: Girlboss and very attractive. Only real flaw is a HORRENDOUS battle. StopUsingVoltSwitch/10

Clay: MINER COWBOY. 59/10

Skyla: Lowkey thicc and very attractive with a great personality to boot. 60/10

Brycen: The Best Ice Specialist. 77/10

Drayden: GILF Dragon User. 80/10

Marlon: Hrngh... shirtless male Gym Leader... One of my bisexual awakening moments. 80/10

Shauntal: Compared to other Ghost Type Specialists, kinda meh. 20/10

Grimsley: WHY ARE ALL THE DARK TYPE SPECIALISTS (minus Sidney) ATTRACTIVE. 93/10

Caitlin: Sleeby. Was also a great way to show how she progressed from Gen 4 into Gen 5. 30/10

Marshall: The Most Meh of the Unova Elite 4. 3/10

Alder: Look he's trying his best and is honestly a great Champion. 30/10

Iris: She has a Hydreigon. 300/10

Viola: Easy. 5/10

Grant: Easy and bland. 2/10

Korrina: One of two good Kalos Gym Leaders. 30/10

Ramos: Easy and bland. 1/10

Clemont: THE FUTURE IS NOW THANKS TO SCIENCE! 20/10

Valerie: BEGONE FAIRY USER! -200/10

Olympia: Easy and bland. 4/10

Wulfric: Easiest and blandest: 0/10

Drasna: WHY DOESN'T SHE USE HYDREIGON IF ITS RIGHT AT VICTORY ROAD?! -150/10

Malva: Smokin' hot and very good personality wise. One of the few good Kalos characters. 20/10

Siebold: Pokémon is art as a game but battling itself is not art... unless you use Smeargle. 6/10

Wikstrom: The fact they had a KNIGHT BASED STEEL TYPE ELITE 4 MEMBER and didn't give him Escavalier gives him a low score immediately. 3/10

Diantha: Wait this battle can last more than 30 seconds? 1/10

Iida: I want to date him. Handsome and he is a very nice guy. 50/10

Hala: BUFF SUMO GRANDPA. 100/10

Lana: Wait, did we somehow get a BORING Water specialist? 4/10

Kiawe: Best character in the Alola anime outside of Gladion. 33/10

Mallow: Grass Type Misty. 8/10

Olivia: Would let her step on me WITH her heels. 80/10

Sophocles: Annoying Brat. -4/10

Acerola: Adorable and surprisingly tough when unprepared. 20/10

Nanu: Police Officer DILF, and somehow is also lowkey attractive. 40/10

Mina: BEGONE FAIRY USER! -200/10

Hapu: Acerola but boring. 3/10

Molayne: I mean, he's okay, but still kinda boring. 5/10

Kahili: ... Idk/10

Milo: I would let him crush my skull between his biceps. 90/10

Nessa: HELLO MA'AM PLEASE GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR PHOTOS. 95/10

Kabu: Hey guys, I found Flannery's father. 60/10

Bea: HELLO MA'AM PLEASE STEP ON ME. 110/10

Allister: PROTECC THE SMOL CHILD! 120/10

Opal: She uses a Togekiss and is a very respectful elder, so I'll give her a pass for being a Fairy User. 7/10

Gordie: Would let him hug me until my spine breaks. 90/10

Melony: If you looked up MILF in the dictionary, you'd see Melony next to Lisa Lisa from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and Lady Dimitrescu from Resident Evil. 85/10

Piers: STEP ON ME GOTH PUNK DADDY. 140/10

Rainhan:

YES HELLO SIR CAN YOU PLEASE STEP ON MY FACE SO HARD IT LEAVES A BOOT MARK AND AND THEN KISS ME ON THE LIPS PLEASE AND THANK YOU

170/10

Marnie: Best Girl. Is goth but also a complete sweetheart. 160/10

Bede: One of very few good Fairy Specialists. Is also very handsome. 130/10

Leon: The only good Charizard user. Also is very handsome and I'd let him step on me. 150/10

Klara: How ironic for the relstionship with a Poison Type leader to be so toxic. Still love her though. 110/10

Avery: He radiates Frieza Voice energy. I like him. 95/10

Mustard: Chaotic Old Man. Very much love him. 120/10

Peony: Everyone's dad. Too bad his battle theme's the worst in the game. 100/10

[chaos-monkeyy]

State of Chaos

Hi folks! Been awhile since I did this (and I meant to do it yesterday, whoops.. *pretends it’s still Wednesday* 😅). 

So as usual, I’ve wound up working on a lot of random stuff instead of getting all the languishing WIPs done 😂 But I have wrapped up a few things! Also, it’s almost November and I have something I’ve picked to try doing for NaNoWriMo… It’s already making me nervous because 1,667 words a day is rather a lot AND my idea has way more plot than I usually write (still porn too though, fear not). Anyway, I have no idea how well it’s gonna go but I can at least give it a shot! So if it actually goes well, I’m unlikely to be posting as much fic for the next little while. 

Oh! There are a couple new fandoms in the mix now too. Namely, the Thrawn Ascendancy novel as well as Stargate Atlantis, thanks to an exceptionally fun rewatch with Leif and DD 😁 I’m just horribly fixated lately on John Sheppard and his should-be-illegal pants… and now Ronon is there too, I may not survive 🤤 Backstory, I adore stargate SG1 and Atlantis, grew up watching it, but this is the first time I’m watching any of it since learning about fandom sooo… I’m having fun lol

(p.s. In case anyone was wondering, my little dumbass cat successfully learned how to use her fancy feeder. It’s adorable watching her nose it open, and Unauthorized Greedy Pet is extremely put out any time he tries to go steal her food now 😆)

Assassin’s Creed 

Diletto 

Shelved for now— not abandoned, just haven’t been feeling the het smut lately.

The skills of Assassins 

I’ve gotten a bit stuck on chapter 4 of the Ezio/Mario fic for some reason, but I did make some progress on it! So that fic update is still coming, just… slowly. 

Other 

I started some Shaun/Desmond AC3 cavern sex but got stuck and haven’t finished it 🙈 Also vague outlines written out for potential sequels to both Not Here (Desmond wetting himself in the Animus) and Demands and Desires (AC3 HaythCon filth). And I have been poking at the Witcher crossover fic too! 

Posted 

Demands and Desires - HaythCon smut; contains incest and ManipulativeAsshole!Haytham. Explicit.

Ache - Drabble smut about Ezio jerkin’ it; 100 words for my 100th fic 🎉. Explicit.

Midsomer Murders 

MM x Wallace and Gromit crossover

I’ve been thinking about this one recently, I’m gonna try and get access to s14 and 15 of Midsomer and maybe start working at it again! It’s the most long-running WIP I have… Actual Story is HARD ��🥺

Star Wars

The self-indulgent Chiss-human orgy fic 

It’s very close to being done! I’m hoping to get it finished up with Jewell before too much longer 😊😏 

[Title redacted] 

Still working on this filth fest with Rev. It’ll be done some day, we just have too much we want to put into it where is the brain-to-fic machine already dammit 😭

Other

Someday I intend to get that part 3 of the Pinned (Thranto) and the Stripped (Thrawn/Thrass) series written. I also have a plan for another Thrakif fic, too damn many plans to continue the Inappropriate Places pissfic series, and a delicious kinky little Thranto prompt still in my askbox here that I am definitely going to fill sooner or later 😏

Posted 

A Moment in Private - Thrakif smut; Cadet Thrawn getting off while fantasizing about General Ba’kif. Explicit.

A rare thing - Thrawn/Ziara fluff and cuddles ficlet. Teen and up. 

Breathless - Thrakif breathplay; prompt fill with lots of desk sex and light Dom/sub. Explicit. 

(Come) Ride With Me - Thrawn/Eli/Thrass smut. I finally finished the chisscest-y Biker AU!! Explicit. 

Discoveries - Part 1 of Eli peeing in inappropriate places and Thrawn getting turned on by it (well, so does Eli). Explicit. 

Zombie / what’s in your head - A rare angst-tacular Thranto fic. MCD and heavy subject matter. Mature. 

Stargate Atlantis

Nothing specific in progress; it’ll be whatever I get inspired to write as I keep watching through the show! My personal rule for these is that I can write whatever grabs my interest so long as I don’t take too long working on it 🙈 

Posted 

Of rituals and birthday presents - Sheppard / Keras implied-smut. Light-hearted stuff featuring aural voyeurism and a very flustered Rodney McKay. Teen and up. 

The smart thing - dark!Sheppard / Kolya, includes fear-wetting and noncon facefucking. Mind the tags. Explicit. 

The Witcher 

I don’t have much Witcher fic on the burner at the moment. Kinda waiting for s2 at this point, really, and someday I’ll play TW3 and probably get some more inspiration from there! I have been picking at the Witcher x AC Gerezkier (Geralt/Ezio/Jaskier) crossover with Levs, though! I’m slowly getting more comfortable with the smut-to-story balance as we work out where it’s going 😁. Other than that, I have a few things still kicking around my ideas list that I might pick up at some point when brain decides it wants to randomly start something new instead of working on WIPs. 

Posted 

Flagrant Indecency - I did manage to get the final chapter of this finished and posted for the Finish Your Fic deadline! 🥳💦. Explicit. 

Don’t Stop - Geraskier somnomo prompt fill. Juiced-up Geralt, somnophilia, and watersports; some consent issues. Explicit. 

[spaceorphan18]

ckerouac replied to your post

“what is your favorite episode from your least favorite season of glee?...”

Ok I love this question, but 1, this is cooper Anderson erasure and 2, I think S8 is way less trash than you do lol

I know - I did think about Cooper - and Big Brother is definitely a highlight, but as whole episodes, I like the other two more :( 

Okay - let’s break down season 8 and see how bad (or alright) it really is! I’d love to hear your opinions on it, RB! (Clearly this is my life now) 

The List - Robert splits the staff in half on some random list that he made.  I think it’s a pretty decent episode, which reintroduces the characters pretty well.  Plus, we get some great Pam stuff, so I’m okay with that. 

The Incentive - Andy has to motivate the office.  Another episode which isn’t that bad, despite being a plot line already done by Michael Scott.  

Lotto - The warehouse wins the lotto, and Darryl has to rethink his life choices.  There’s some good Darryl development in here, and Andy isn’t that bad as a manager - but he’s not great, and it does feel like they keep trying to give Andy plots originally for Michael Scott, which doesn’t help. 

Garden Party - This is the first episode that starts to bug me.  Andy’s obsessive need to impress Robert as well as his parents is incredibly irritating.  However, this episode does get a few points for having a fun Dwight/Jim subplot. 

Spooked - This one is... interesting? Robert asks everyone about their fears and laces it all together for a bizarre scary story.  It’s strange, but definitely watchable. 

Doomsday - Dwight creates a doomsday device! I really wish they had gone more with the tension of not screwing things up, but it’s more about getting Dwight to turn it off.  Not a bad episode despite not being what I initially thought it’d be.  And better on rewatch. 

Pam’s Replacement - Pam’s pregnant and worried about Jim being interested in her replacement.  Shenanigans ensue -- favorite one! 

Gettysburg - I think this episode is boring more than anything.  Andy gets half the group to go to Gettysburg for a motivational trip.  Not only is a questionable Michael Scott plotline, they already kind of did this during The Incentive.  There’s a fun side plot involving Schrute Farms, however it’s not balanced out by the stupid side plot of Robert thinking Kevin is the next big genius.   (Also Pam leaves because Jenna Fischer went on maternity leave, and that might be a reason I think these episodes get worse for a while.) 

Mrs. California - This episode is where I think the season starts to turn really not good.  Robert’s wife comes into the office -- he wants Andy to hire here but not hire her.  It’s so dumb - especially when his wife seems totally normal.  The mind games seem stupid, and make Robert seem insane instead of mysteriously clever - which seemed to be what they originally going for.  Meanwhile, Dwight has the dumbest side plot about starting a gym -- which makes it clear the writers seemed to be running out of ideas. 

Christmas Wishes - The Christmas episodes aren’t usually that bad, and this one isn’t.  There’s a little too much drunk Erin getting weird about Andy and his girlfriend, but it’s watchable.  And there’s some fun Dwight/Jim stuff going on throughout. 

Trivia - This is an episode I’m disappointed isn’t more interesting than it sounds.  The gang goes to Oscar’s gay bar for trivia night.  It’s another watchable one - but there’s so much more they could have done with it.  

Pool Party - This episode is fuckin’ weird.  Everyone goes to Robert’s weird house for a pool party and everyone is just... weird during it.  Except Jim, who just wants to leave.  I don’t really like it cause it focuses way too hard on Dwight, Erin, and Robert, and it’s not necessarily weird in a good way since half of them don’t feel in character.  

Jury Duty - This one is, fine, I suppose.  Jim tries to make it up to the office for being gone for a week, and Dwight deals with Angela having her baby.  I’m kinda annoyed at this point that the writers no longer take Jim very seriously, and he’s consistently written as a dumbass, and the Angela/Senator thing would be better if it didn’t drag on and on and on, but at least this one doesn’t focus too much on Robert/Andy/Erin shit. 

Special Project - This one kicks off the Florida arc, which is...idk, maybe a step up from the rest of the season? This episode is pretty good as it sorts out who is going and who is staying, and Pam’s back! 

Tallahassee - The first episode actually in Florida.  I’m meh about it.  Dwight gets really sick, and there’s some gross stuff going on there.  And we get the intro to Nelly, whom I find frustrating during her tenure in season 8 (she’s fine in season 9), and Todd Packer’s around again, which always annoys me.  The Scranton stuff is fine - as Andy is receptionist for a day. 

After Hours - This one is mostly fine.  I love the plot line where Jim has to keep away from Cathy and uses Dwight to help him out.  The rest of it is meh as a lot of it is Nelly and Todd Packer being weird together, Ryan hitting on Erin, and a lot of Darryl and Val drama that isn’t as interesting as it could be. 

Test the Store - The Florida story is pretty good where the store down there opens, and there’s some interesting things going on.  But I hate the subplot about Andy and Pam being bullied by 12yo girls.  HATE IT

Last Day in Florida - This one is, idk, another meh-ish one? Jim is trying to stop Dwight getting fired, and while I love the dynamic, maybe not one of their better story lines.  Meanwhile Toby and Darryl are selling girl scout cookies, and it’s incredibly boring.  Also, Erin decides to stay in Florida to help an elderly woman - and this kicks off the WORST run in the show.  I’d rather watch Scott’s Tots again than the next three episodes... 

Get the Girl - I HATE THIS EPISODE. Andy goes back to get Erin -- and ends up staying with the elderly woman Erin’s with to woo her back.  It’s so cringy, and both Andy and Erin seem like dumber and more annoying than they usually are.  Meanwhile - while Andy’s gone, Nellie just comes and takes over Andy’s job.  And as much as I hate Andy and Erin at the moment, I hate that his job is just given to Nellie because she decides to sit in the manager’s office.  It’s so dumb.  Every part of this episode is dumb and it probably is the worst episode in the series.  

Welcome Party - Continuing the terrible plot lines of season 8, now that Andy and Erin are back together - they have to go dumb Andy’s not at all developed girlfriend while she’s at a family gathering.  It’s so, so terrible and awful.  And makes Andy and Erin seem like the worst people.  This seems far worse than anything Michael Scott ever did.  Meanwhile, Dwight and Jim are forced to throw a party for Nellie - which is at least watchable, but Nellie is still fairly annoying at this point, too.  

Angry Andy - The Andy and Nellie plot lines come to a head, which you know just by the description isn’t going to go well.  Andy gets angry and terrible, Nellie is still insufferable, and Robert is no longer making any sense at all.  The climax of these stupid episodes is just as bad as the rest of it.  The only redeeming factor of this episode is the subplot involving Kelly choosing between Ryan and an actual decent guy, and everyone helping Kelly try to move on from Ryan. 

Fundraiser - While this episode is at least better than the past three, I find it mostly boring.  The office goes to a silent auction - yay(?) No, it’s boring. Andy spends the whole time plotting revenge against Robert for firing him.  Dwight seems uncharacteristically stupid about the auction.  And Darryl teaches Nellie how to eat a taco (yes that is a plot line) and Angela’s husband hits on Oscar.  

Turf War - This episode is probably the first fully good episode since Special Project? Robert’s going crazy, and closing down branches, so Dwight and Jim go against other branches to steal clients.  It’s nice to see Dwight and Jim work together.  Pam gets to know Nellie - and Nellie’s at least tolerable in the episode? 

Free Family Portrait Studio - Considering that most of the season is rough, this one isn’t bad, though probably one of the weakest season finales.  Dwight schemes to figure out if he’s the father of Angela’s baby - and we’re left on that cliffhanger.  Meanwhile, David Wallace is back as CEO, and gives Andy his job back, and while it’s nice that Robert is leaving (and Sabre is going away), the writing for the show is on the wall.  

So, looking at this list and thinking about it.  The biggest issue is that there’s so much Andy and so much Erin and so much of their terrible romance that it grows tiresome really fast.  Meanwhile, Robert California is a bizarre addition that doesn’t quite fit.  Nor does Nellie, whom it’s obvious the writers like, but aren’t sure how to use her well.  Meanwhile, Dwight, Jim, and Pam don’t feel very present nor do any of them have many memorable plot lines, and it doesn’t help that the writers seem to be stuck in dummy-Jim mode, as well as Pam just not being there for half the season.  

And... there we go, too much time spent on season 8. 

[janeaustentextposts]

Rank Jane Austen’s major characters in order of intelligence!

With the caveat that emotional intelligence/cleverness/wit/savvy/common sense/IQ are all very different things influenced by socioeconomic dynamics…

Anne Elliot:The Complete Package, but has a hard time saying no when people ask to borrow her notes. Carries the group project herself.Fanny Price: Cries over an A- and is constantly strung-out from performing emotional labour for her entire group of friends and family.Emma Woodhouse: Valedictorian without even trying, wildly popular but doesn’t understand that other people actually need to study for finals.Elizabeth Bennet: Widely-read and largely self-taught, but easy to manipulate via pet vulnerabilities. Chose not to pursue post-secondary qualifications.Frederick Wentworth: Clever as the devil and about as self-aware as a Labrador Retriever.Elinor Dashwood: Excellent grades but only in STEM subjects and can only maintain one (1) meaningful friendship at a time.Marianne Dashwood: Writes fantastic humanities essays but breaks down in tears every time she drives by roadkill. Turns in all her assignments late.Fitzwilliam Darcy: Teacher’s pet and swot. High marks on homework but sits alone at lunch until Bingley takes pity on him.Henry Tilney: Smart, but goofs off in class due to boredom and distracts others.Colonel Brandon: Probably read a little too much David Foster Wallace in formative periods of his life, but altogether a decent conversationalist more due to his life experience than his scholarly pursuits.George Knightley: Smart, but only on specific subjects he cares about.Edward Ferrars: Voted Most Likely to be Well-Adjusted, scraped a B average when he wasn’t being distracted by Lucy Steele in a tube-top.Catherine Morland: …she’ll get there. Eventually. But her Total Sweetheart status helps to offset her more blatant moments of being a baby dumbass.Edmund Bertram: Man’s a fuckin’ dial tone on every level.

[whatisthisnonsense]

Continuing where we left off here, so we’re not cluttering Sarah’s pretty art (bless u @yunisverse ), did you know canonically Digimon are emotion eaters? “But Lea!”, you say. “That was in SAVERS, not Adventure!” Wasn’t it though? 

Think about it-- while they’re not necessarily feeding off it in the sense of sustenance, the digimon in Adventure all digivolve during a big influx of some form of emotion by their chosen child, usually related to the crest but not always (pants-shitting terror at Kuwagamon, for example). Normal, natural digivolution is usually a very long process of gathering energy and strength, with higher levels often taking decades if not hundreds or thousands of years (unless you suck, in which case you’re turning into a Numemon. Yes, that’s also canon.), so obviously the digimon MUST be feeding on something for those short bursts of energy, and since having the digimon feast upon their attached digidestined’s soul or lifespan is what we call bad, the natural source must be emotion. Following that thread, we see other digidestined in 02 (which I’m not going to go into for most of the lore it introduced because it is One Whole Yike, but Adventure itself introduced the concept that all you had to do to be a valid partner candidate is see a digimon and therefore this is valid) who ostensibly have the same bond as our actual Destiny’s Children without the Destiny bit, and we actively see Willis/Wallace/That Kid With The Two Bunny Digimon have his digimon digivolve. While Lopmon/Kokomon was out of his control for the most part and could arguably have been severed from the connection, Terriermon clearly wasn’t and also usually responded to emotion. As such, we can assume that this is a trait of all partner digivolutions. Why, then, are the Crests needed? Well, we find out they’re a bit of a magic feather, however they all still involve an emotion or state of being which the child exemplifies (besides Light, though that could be as in “the light in your heart that never goes out” IE Determination and Light just happened to sound more mystic and was also literally its attribute anyway, like how Honesty/Responsibility is Water and Sincerity/Purity is Plants) (Knowledge also isn’t a state of being or emotion, but the way they use the word I’m reasonably certain what they actually mean is WISDOM, which means Izzy in a state of being wise is what triggers it, not just him being a nerd). I would like to suggest, thusly, that the Crests show the emotion or mental state the digidestined represented by it has in abundance and thus what their digimon use to rocket up the digivolution ladder in ways faster and stronger than even normal human/digimon partnerships. The Crest associated with our hypothetical ninth duo? Kindness. Now, stay with me here. Allow my work-weary, sleep-deprived ass to switch from essay to narrative for a moment. Consider, if you will; Wizardmon has always been alone. Since he’s a chosen partner, Gennai dropped him when he was hit much like Gatomon, but velocity and angle meant he still hatched far away from her. He turned to magic for answers as to why he was left all alone when most are born and cared for in Primary Village, and he got good of it-- amazingly good, astoundingly good, impossibly wonderously G O O D  at magic-- but he never found his answers. Eventually, he gives up, assuming he was simply not worth the effort. That perhaps, his presence was a mistake. He wanders, looking for obscure magic but no longer having any purpose to it, aching for something he doesn’t understand nor believes exist. He says he passed through unremarked, but in many places you’ll hear tell of a quiet, soft-spoken digimon who repaired something with the snap of his fingers. Sometimes a wall, sometimes reviving a well, sometimes even bringing another digimon back from a hideous illness. But he was always gone the next day. If anyone could ask him, he’d shrug it off; it wasn’t something special, he thought. It just seemed cruel to leave things as they were, and while he’s many unpleasant things, he’d like to think he’s not cruel. (He is kind, he is so kind, but he can’t fathom it without anyone else around him, and no one nor place can hold him against that unknown longing in his programming, so it passes by him without note.) Of course, between his idle wandering and his constantly giving and giving and giving of his magical energy without much time to recover, he eventually pushes himself past exhaustion and falls out of the sky on one otherwise unremarkable day.  Those of you who’ve watched Adventure, of course, should recognize this as the event that caused him to meet Gatomon, and remember how absolutely baffled he was by her kindness-- he was already spreading himself thin, but he never had it returned to him mostly because he never stayed anywhere long enough for it-- and how fast he was to pledge undying loyalty for said shred of kindness. And this is true still, for he is still almost desperately loyal to her, but there is something else. Even when she truly forgets everything for the monster (ha) Myotismon turned her into, he can still see that longing for something she doesn’t know or understand in her eyes, and something in his chest tightens a little. It’s kinship, but he doesn’t recognize it-- he doesn’t have time, given how fast he parses the legends and figures out what she must be, as when he does that he out of hand assumes he could never be associated. Even so, they lessen eachother’s loneliness, and for a while that’s enough. Wizardmon does his best to play dumb, glide beneath the safety of contempt, and manages some tiny victories against the Dark Army’s, as after all he is never on Myotismon’s side. Some in-training digimon slipping out of the dungeon here, some misinformation there. In the end, however, he is mostly trying to give Gatomon the shot at a better life he is so certain she deserves, so every so often he has to get his hands dirty. It’s okay, though, really. It doesn’t matter what becomes of him, as long as she gets out. (Even so, when he’s forced to play evil minion to the hilt he tries his best to simply confuse or trick his target so he can leave them alive and unharmed, and if he can’t he does his damndest to make it quick. To do otherwise seems cruel, and he would still like to think he isn’t that at least.) As we all know, eventually seven dumbass kids with seven dumbass digimon who happen to also be the Digidestined turn up and Myotismon sets his plan in motion. Most of his minions just terrorize the town, but as ever Wizardmon is sneaky. He keeps his head down, and blends in, drawing children in and keeping an eye on Gatomon to see where and who she is most drawn to. He is being rather underhanded, he thinks, even though getting this gaggle of human children to watch in wonder and laugh isn’t actually necessary for his guise. He refuses to do otherwise, though. It doesn’t seem right. Naturally, Gatomon narrows what child is hers down without even realizing, but his own “patrol” draws in her and there is an almost uncomfortable snap in him as for a moment that ache, that eternal lonliness, is gone and-- no no, she just caught him flatfooted. He’s distracted and wasn’t expecting a compliment, particularly not one from someone clearly much older than the younglings he’s entertaining manipulating. The Tokyo arc is the same, but extended-- more red herrings and more time to convince Gatomon to remember that she is better than Myotismon’s lapcat, as well as scenes with Wizardmon and Minnie showing them drawing closer, albeit with Wizardmon’s denial or deflection on the subject pretty much even through his almost-death. Ah, yes. You didn’t think we kept most of that scene, did you? Of course Wizardmon gives his life for Gatomon-- by this point, it’s all he has left to give. It’s all he’s ever had to give, really. But remember how his body is still present in the show after his suppossed death? Well, that’s because he’s not quite dead yet; merely passed out. Minnie pulls him away and gets him to a relatively safe part of the building before he comes to again. He is defintely in the PROCESS of dying, though, but they refuse to let the kids know. It would be kinder for the kids not to see, at least for the moment, and thus the duo both lie through their teeth. And yet, when the kids leave to talk about what lies ahead next, Minnie turns and does her best to stop the digital hole in his chest from bleeding. He’s going to be fine, she tells him. It’s another lie, he thinks, but ah. “You’re...too kind...” There’s a faint glow from her pocket and for a moment his world is white and then he’s much more alive and terribly small. I’m gonna glaze over the rest of the Tokyo arc because we really need to get to the point in this fucking novel but I really need you to imagine a distressed Mokumon trying to wriggle out of Minnie’s arms as she tries to get him to fucking REST and then later him as a Candlemon accidentally setting the blankets he was tucked into on fire. Got that in your head? Good! Now let’s just--

There we go, see you in 02 asshole, moving on to the Dark Masters Ahem, anyway, as the group journeys through the reconfigured Digital World to forcibly scrub the influence of the Dark Masters away, Wizardmon slowly becomes a bit less aloof and a bit more on the awkward side. He’s gotten what he wanted-- Gatomon’s happy-- and he has a purpose, but that purpose doesn’t seem like something he should have, nor this group somewhere he should be. Nevermind he doesn’t really know how to handle a group out of his aloofness or various deceptions. And yet, ever so slowly, he begins to warm, and soften. Until that day in the desert. Minnie catches a lone and frightened younger digimon in the corner of her eye and diverts immediately to help it. The children and their partners are on board, of course, but before anyone can move, a Scorpiomon pops up and starts heading right for the young lady. The children shout, but Wizardmon can’t make out the words-- he’s already moving as fast as he can, even as he watches Minnie quickly turn to the younger digimon she found and hide them under a crevice, smiling before she moves away where it can’t see whatever happens. Even as she turns, pale and trying not to look frightened and moving AWAY from the kids a little so as to keep the arachnoid’s attention. Even as one of its legs connects with her cheek and knocks her away. That gentleness she was showing and his outrage and need to protect merges and twists and surges in a fountain of warmth in his chest, and he skids to a stop in front of her. Digivolving feels more like a soft blanket of darkness than anything resembling a change-- he barely even notices his limbs stretching or his clothing shift until it’s over and he’s...he’s... Myotismon. Minnie has the Crest of Kindness and he has turned into what is, objectively, the cruelest digimon to ever exist. Being Adventure the priority is Jokes, thus the immediate asking to tag out, but after this he is even more aloof than he was before, and not looking anyone in the eye. He is crushed, and once again come to the answer he always has for why he is why he is-- if he was ever meant to be here, then something must be wrong with him, and more likely he was never meant to be here at all. How interesting, do you think, it would be that it is not the Digidestined who has the huge, dramatic issue to confront, but the digimon? TL;DR, Don’t Blame You, essentially the jumping point for this whole narrative is, in a subversion to the usual “kid has to accept thing about self to slowly begin to heal from trauma and unlock potential”, essentially WIZARDMON is the one who has to learn here; the two-fold moral that he is allowed to ACCEPT Kindness and not just constantly give, and that the fact he is dark and spooky-- the fact his ultimate is the same as the mon who hurt him and the others-- does not make him less good or kind. And it only took about five novels to get here, amazing. If only I had this much energy for my actual writing.