#wait why's this actually creepy I want mumbo to wear that skin for some evil shenanigans now

[indiiglow]

My therapist: Dark Mumbo is not real and cannot hurt you

Dark Mumbo:

[evenstevensranked]

#45: Season 2, Episode 13 - “A Very Scary Story”

Annnnd, we’re back! Let the countdown resume. I know y’all remember this one. How could you not?! It’s THE ICONIC HALLOWEEN EPISODE!!! Lawrence Jr. High is holding free eye examinations on Halloween. But, instead of being legit eye exams, students are getting their eyes BURNED OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS?!

It opens with Ren seemingly home alone the night before Halloween watching some knock off of “Psycho.” I like this bit. She yells at the TV, “Honey, you’re getting chased by 6 mutants and you’re just deciding to take a shower?!” — Seriously, though. People in horror films make the dumbest decisions. I think the fake movie footage is hilarious.

Just then, the phone rings. Naturally. And now we get a knock off of “Scream” lol. Whoever’s calling distorts their voice and says “Do you like penguins, Ren? MAHAHAH!” and hangs up. I wonder who that could be. (Sarcasm) Ren is walking around holding a skillet as a weapon which is kinda funny. She looks so uncoordinated with it. Turns out it was just Louis calling from inside the house. Shocking. He comes jumping out at her making what’s supposed to be a “penguin” noise, I guess. I really don’t know. He kinda sounds like Doodlebob, honestly. Obviously, Ren screams and Louis has the audacity to ask “Ren, why are you so jumpy?!?!" I love this line and the way Shia says it. I use it a lot, lol. He claims he just wanted to show her his penguin jockey costume. The costume itself is a true a stroke of genius. But, I’m sure there was a less serial killer way to go about the reveal, lol. This episode definitely gets iconic points for that costume, though. People have gone as penguin jockeys because of Louis: x / x ...Incredible. 

Ren is seriously a wet blanket here. She refers to Halloween as “childish dress up games.” What da heck?! Lighten up. You’re like, 14. I embarrassingly went as Hannah Montana for Halloween freshman year of high school, 2007. Bad idea. But just because I have tan skin and wore a blonde wig, everyone thought I was supposed to be Beyoncé. I constantly had to correct people. I WAS HANNAH MONTANA, DANG FLABBIT!!! The struggle. 

Ren tells Louis that his costume isn’t going to scare anyone. I never thought it was intended to be scary in the first place??? Either way, Donnie comes walking in and Louis makes some more Doodlebob noises at him and Donnie runs away screaming “AHHH! PENGUIN!” Wow. I’m only mentioning this because I read a little trivia that Donnie originally walks in holding a basketball, but when they cut back to him he’s suddenly holding what looks like an inflatable toucan or something?! What?! How do you forget that Donnie was holding a basketball one second and then hand him an inflatable toucan the next?! I do not understand. 

“Wait, what was Donnie the Sports Jock just holding?! It was probably a basketball or something because that makes sense. But, I can’t remember. HERE! Take this INFLATABLE TOUCAN!” ?!?! - Probably the actual thought process that resulted in this ridiculousness. 

At school the next day, we see that LJH takes Halloween VERY SERIOUSLY. Stuff like this gave me unrealistic expectations. If you wore a costume to school growing up, you were a weirdo and people judged you. Not here! They have some intense decorations and the entire school is dressed up! Well, everyone except for Ren — who’s in a freaking pencil skirt and blazer, walking around making sure everyone gets an eye exam.

This school is more ~lit~ than most actual Halloween parties.

We find out that Louis and the gang are planning a prank for the cafeteria: Putting fake eyeballs in the turkey gravy. Yum. Louis shows them the fake eyeballs he bought and says he just got them in overnight from Chico. It’s a small detail but I like that he mentions Chico. The city is also brought up in an earlier episode. I always laugh when Tom tells Louis “I need to get my eyes examined.” Louis says “YOUR EYES EXAMI— Tom, how many fingers am I holding up?!” And Tom has to squint at the fingers RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE in order to give the correct answer. 

“.......Two.” // “Exactly. Your eyes are fine.”

Okay, long story short: Basically, anyone who goes in for an eye exam comes out acting like a robot. Students are walking around with sunglasses on and are suddenly obsessed with drinking milk and following the rules. Tom is the first victim of Louis’ crew. He says “I suddenly got quite a hankering for the Moo Juice. It’s an excellent source of calcium for overall skeletal health.” I FEEL LIKE THAT LINE IS ENGRAINED INTO MY MIND FOREVER! Tom bails on the cafe prank and says “If something like this were to go on our permanent records, it would follow us for the rest of our lives.” THIS LINE NEVER LEFT MY BRAIN EITHER. I feel like this episode was actually Disney propaganda or something, brainwashing us into drinking milk and being good students. Not even gonna lie, when I was young this episode made me crave milk... and I hated milk. *X-Files theme song plays in the distance.*

Tawny and Twitty both get their eyes checked and start saying the same robotic nonsense Tom did. Louis is having none of it, though. He yells “TAKE OFF THE STUPID GLASSES!” and we get one of the most terrifying moments of our childhood...

This is still so disturbing. Show producers Sean McNamara and David Brookwell wrote this episode. I seriously want to track them down and make them explain what gave them the bright idea to traumatize children in this way?!

The classic Louis Scream kicks into full gear here. (see first image of the post) I’m laughing because I just noticed that as he runs away, he whips the butt of the penguin like “giddy up!” as if he’s actually racing on it… Oh my god. As he’s running he shouts “NO ONE’S TAKIN’ MY PEEPERS!” which I always kinda liked, haha.

Louis ends up spying on one of the “eye exams” and the process is revealed! Wexler and Tugnut zap the kids’ eyes and do in fact brainwash them with the milk and permanent record mumbo jumbo. Great. 

Louis is now the only student who hasn’t had an eye exam. Wexler, Tugnut and the whole school are going after him. He calls home in a panic asking for Steve and Eileen to come pick him up before conveniently hiding out in the Penguin bathroom.

His family shows up within like, 10 seconds. Teleportation is the only explanation for this. Louis goes to get his stuff before leaving... but OH NO! Wexler and Tugnut greet Donnie, Steve and Eileen and make them go in for eye exams. This always made me soooo angry as a kid. I felt Louis’ sheer horror and helplessness here tbh. Just then, Ren pops out of nowhere and Louis explains the whole situation to her. She acts like she has no idea what he’s talking about, but all of the robot students start chasing them so she helps him find a place to hide.

“Safe?! For how long, Ren? How long before those eyeless, sunglass-wearing, milk-slurping zombies get in here?!” - ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE WALKING DEAD. “DON’T OPEN. DEAD INSIDE.” 

Ren leaves Louis alone to see if the coast is clear. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Does she not see the horde of zombie students through the windows?! Regardless, Wexler and Tugnut appear and take Louis down to the school’s newly renovated torture-chic basement. (Louis: “When did the school get a dungeon?” Wexler: “Actually it’s an evil lair.”) 

Ren was the ringleader this whole time. She comes walking out looking like THIS and Wexler and Tugnut refer to her as “mistress.” Okay, this is a little creepy now...

Louis looks at the wall and says “R.E.N.....? That’s gotta stand for something.” - I clearly remember laughing at this line when I was little for some reason omg. 

Ren explains that they’re going to turn everyone into “Renplicates” (actual Ren clones) because the world would be a better place if everyone just followed the rules. Okay, maybe that’s true. But, you don’t need to morph everyone into cloNES OF YOURSELF PHYSICALLY!!! Seriously... whaaaa?! lol. Around here Ren says “Tugnut! Turn on the juice!” which Jim Wise recently admitted was an innuendo line that the crew laughed at off camera. Adult jokes on kids shows sort of creep me out though, ngl. 

Anyway, everyone -- including their parents, step into the Renplicator and transform into Ren. 

Everyone except... Louis.

HONESTLY WHAT THE HELL?!?! I never liked thisssssss.

That’s where the story ends. THANK GOD! Turns out it was just Louis telling Beans a scary story. “Beans, you wanted to know what happened last Halloween. So, I told you!” To which Beans responds: 

One of the only Beans lines I like. (x)

And that’s it! There’s a bit at the very end where Beans tries to get away with trick-or-treating at the Stevens house several times by wearing a bunch of different costumes. Donnie answers the door every time and says things like “That’s cute, kid!” and “Haven’t I see you here before already?” IT’S CLEARLY FREAKING BEANS! 

I never understood this. I know Donnie’s dumb but he knows who Beans is. They should’ve just had a random kid do this scene. Using Beans makes NO SENSE. Also, he already raids their kitchen all the time as it is. He doesn’t need to go “undercover” to get candy from the Stevens house, lol. 

That’s the Halloween episode guys! Strangely, not as funny as I remember. Still a classic, though... obviously. I was originally going to rank it in the #30s, solely for the iconic value.. but, when I was deciding on what to put for #45 I just had to put this one here. It’s a “special” episode. So it’s difficult to rank it any higher than this since it’s just a fun one-off, silly, seasonally appropriate episode. Nothing furthers the overall arc of the series here, lol. That’s not the case for all “special” episodes... But, this one sticks out like a sore thumb in comparison to the other 64.  

Did it scar you for life as a kid?! I have to say that this episode and “Don’t Look Under The Bed” (which Larry Beale/Ty Hodges starred in!!!) literally scared the living crap out of me. Apparently DLUTB has actually been banned?! Whoa. To this day, I’m still afraid of some demon boogyman hand grabbing at my ankle...

Thanks for reading! Chime in below. 

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