#wait that's impossible actually nvm

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #39

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

As is tradition, the bride’s father walked her up the aisle to ‘give her away’ to the groom. It was an old ritual, one only tangentially related to modern marriage as a concept. The bride was not her father’s to give, nor her groom’s to accept. She was her own, she was a person, she contained multitudes. But nonetheless, her hand was moved from her father’s to that of the man she was here to marry.

The maid of honor shed a tear and wiped it onto her wrist, hoping no one had seen it. She smiled with her mouth, but her eyes still held wells of sadness.

The best man looked every which way but the altar, where the groom stood. He knew what came next would not be easy, but it was necessary. He couldn’t live with himself if he’d said no to the offer - it would have been a regret for the rest of his life. This was his last chance.

The officiary recited his part of the script. The maid of honor and the best man, staged across from each other on opposite sides of the altar, both shared in one thing: a stomach-churning sense of guilt, unease, trepidation, and impending doom. Only one more line was left until their parts.

“If anyone has cause to object to the forming of this union,” the officiary said, “speak now or forever hold your peace.”

The best man and the maid of honor looked at each other, both holding their breath.

“I object!” said the bride, melodramatically holding her limp wrist to her temple. “I cannot marry you today, for my heart belongs to someone else!”

The crowd gasped and chattered, shocked that such a thing could happen in real life.

“Me too!” said the groom, right on cue. “And the person who holds my heart is in this very room!”

The chatter increased in volume. What were the odds of both of them having secret lovers? The flower girl, as previously directed, handed out bags of popcorn to the audience.

The bride covered her mouth and play-slapped the groom, who retaliated likewise.

“Who is she?” the bride asked.

“He… is my best friend in the world,” replied the groom. “To whom does your heart belong?” He continued, tripping over the anachronous words.

“She has been with me for as long as I can remember,” the bride pointed her bouquet at the maid of honor. “And I shall love her with all my being until my dying breath!”

The bride sighed loudly, covered her eyes with her forearm, and threw the bouquet out into the crowd, nearly poking the groom’s aunt in the eye with the rose’s thorns. She rushed to the maid of honor and embraced her, kissing her passionately and dipping her near to the ground. The crowd began clapping. The maid of honor felt tears run down her cheek as she was brought back to her feet.

Not to be outdone, the groom ran to the best man and took his face in his hands before kissing him with the same sort of performative passion. He knew how to sell it - after all, the whole group had been in the theatre club back in high school.

Both kisses wrapped up at about the same time - they’d practiced with a stopwatch - and the four looked at each other from across the stage. There was a tense silence. The audience were at the edges of their seats.

“I…” the maid of honor flinched. She wasn’t sure she could say the words from the script the bride had written out for her. The two of them made eye contact, unbreaking. The bride motioned with her eyebrows that it was time for the next line, but realized that the maid of honor must have forgotten the words.

The bride mouthed subtly: “I don’t feel…”

“I don’t feel the same way…” the maid of honor swallowed. “... towards you.” Another tear rolled down her cheek.

The bride gave a little smirk as if to say, “Wow, you’re really into this performance! Great job!”

The best man, as practiced, dribbled out the words, “I don’t have that kind of feelings for you… either.”

The groom held his mouth open in feigned shock. The best man desperately wanted to stick his tongue down that throat.

The groom looked over at the bride, and she looked at him. “Can we just forget we said anything?”

“Yes,” she replied. “That’s probably for the best, isn’t it?”

The groom’s aunt asked, “Does that mean I have to give the flowers back?” And the crowd erupted into laughter. The bride and groom returned to the center of the altar and embraced each other. The performance was over - time for the wedding to continue. It was all in good fun, of course. No one’s hearts were broken. No one’s.

[sergle]

When ppl will create a "curvy" girl character and get pretty much the whole body's proportions right, obviously they're putting emphasis on bust/hips but it seems like it's being executed well--- except that they completely, fully, and deliberately, skip the stomach entirely. Just nothin there. Not even a whisper. I'm like. Just sack up, make it make sense and be honest with yourself by making it official and say it's canon that they got a tummy tuck. You cowardly ass, yellow bellied, wet brained, upside-down dog mouthed dirty bitch.

[hatkuu]

WHAAAAATTTT

thankful. grateful. and blessed

[yeonslayjun]

Dumb and Dumber - Hualian

Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are so OBVIOUS and OBLIVIOUS at the same time Honestly They amaze me ngl

Cuz Hua Cheng be Like - Wdym Gege Loves me?? That's impossible like I don't think he loves me solely for the fact that I'm one of his last believer left and that I built a FUCKING CITY for him and how I ran helped him in a case and dressed up as a Groom and gege was a bride (Oh his dead heart definitely started beating then pls ) and how I Built a temple to worship him and how I released 3000 lanterns for him and that I've made 10,000 statues for gege and not how I have red thread of fate on my finger bc he tied his hair on my finger

ALSO wdym I had my gay awakening at the land of tender??? Impossible He's my god I can't have those feelings for him bc I'm a dirty piece of shit (NO YOU ARE NOT)

and DEFINITELY NOT HOW I GAVE HIM Spirtual Power... DEFINITELY NOT HAHAHA.... Now let me just ask his hand for marriage OH nvm I'm unworthy he doesn't like me ( WHILE XIE LIAN IS SITTING ON HIS LAP ) let's make it into a joke hahaha..... OH? Gege's says he's happy for my beloved when will he know it's him talking about?? :( ( let's ignore he didn't know half of these lmao)

OH MY GOD GEGE SAW THE STATUES That's it I'm getting disowned by him He'll hate me ofc he will... I knew this would happen no I'm okay, IT'S FINE... Yeah he really should make it clear that he doesn't love me huh? :((

Like Hua Cheng is SO DOWN BAD for Xie Lian Like Honey we get it You exist to LOVE your Taizi Danxia and to serve Cvnt and angst

AND

My guy Xie Lian here is SO VERY OBLIVIOUS like I get that he was practicing abstinence but bro's like -

Oh Hua Cheng is such a pretty name *giggles* Oh and his hands were so beautiful and he was gentle with me too when he dressed as the Groom *blushes* Oh Crimson Rain Sought Flower is his name? *swoons* HOLY SHIT HE'S HOT *nosebleeds*

I like this kid san lang. OoO Did he just suck the poison out of me?!?! DAYUM he killed so many people at once *swoons x2*... WAIT IS HE HUA CHENG??!?! Oh my gosh IT IS Hua Cheng ajhsjdhsudhu Let's act calm and composed hehe. Let's sleep together cuz He would never hurt me >:( I wonder what happened to the kid who said he'd worship only me :( He was a good kid yk? Had one eye covered too kinda like you actually haha Funny Right???

He's so perfect as a "sworn brother" ( Yes I'm looking at you SQX) protecting me and shit. Wait he trusts me??? ME?!?! huh?!?!. San Lang~~~. AHHH HE RELEASED 3000 LANTERNS FOR ME AHHHH I LOVE HIM as a friend ofc ofc.

Oh I LOVE getting Spiritual Energy from him <3 that wasn't a kiss nope it wasn't.... ERROR 101 San Lang asked my hand in marriage ERROR.... o h He was Joking :( ofc he was :((( I wish he wasn't tho :((((( SAN LANG HAS A BELOVED?!?!? Ofc he has He's such a handsome and kind man he probably gets all the bitches he wants But why do I feel smth weird in my heart?? (IT'S CALLED JEALOUSY YOU DUMB MOTHOFO )

Honestly God (Jun Wu LMAO) Knows how he survived the past 800 years like BRO WHY IS YOU SO STUPID when it comes to love?!?!? Like ISTG He's one of the smartest of all the jokes called "GODS". But he still doesn't get it till he saw the 10,000 statues Hua Cheng prepared like pls

ALSO Hua Cheng the ghost king who defeated 33 gods and how his smartass self esp rubbed the floor with them Civil Heavenly Officials But the one moment he needs it to realise the VERY OBVIOUS FACT that Xie Lian loves him The Genius Smartass is nowhere to be seen

But tbh I can't blame Hua Cheng much here cuz Xie Lian was very oblivious to his own feelings pls BUT STILL

Their Slow-burn was too much for me Like the chemistry was SO OBVIOUS but they're just Dumb kids when it comes to feelings *sighs* The Hualian Brainrot is rotting my brain away as we peak

[romsabombs]

malevolent part 46 the unclean live listen notes

SPOILERS BELOW

faroe jumpscare

is she haunting him lol

i cant believe he slept

"its probably an animal" u guys keep forgetting what podcast you're in

"you were sleeping?" "NO👹" defensive for no reason

stop hiding things from eachother challenge impossible

"it was just Things" 😐

what is blud yapping about😭🙏

LILY MENTIONED‼️

yeah yeah we know john we were all there🙄

cheesy ass episode where are the horrors

TRAIN STORY CALLBACK :33333

u dont have to remind me this story is bouncing around in my brain at all times

ooohh okayyyy music

arthur is not registering any of this let the man sleep💀

john praising lily for just doing her job is so funny to me

omgg :3 faroe is hanging out

no its not malam his ass doesnt sound like that

is he not even considering that it could be faroe usually he jumps at any chance to mention her

its disney pixar movie brave

shes guiding him?? showing him the way??

do u think they're fae

oh hes being compelled

"we shouldnt just sit here" ya thatd be a boring episode

hes fighting it

they're fae i faer

maybe just go the opposite direction

"what We're seeing" ok arthur

oh ermm😕😕

ANOTHER CULT??? COME ON😐😐

omg crying obsidian literally minecraft

oh dear a child. oh nvm He

its that dead child in the river isnt it

HAHA HE ROBBED THEM

arthur what happened to your decluttering mindset

HAHA YORRICK💀💀💀 they kidnapped his ass

oh his ass gonna is snitch on us

👹fuck mother darkness👹

"as unfortunate as that is" 💀

what makes u think he didnt lie to you about being the last of his kind

"we wouldn't be walking into a trap BLINDLY" "we'd be walking in with MY EYES wide open"

yorrick if you dont rat us out we'll buy you a lego set😇😇 or a chew toy

bro just dont follow him hes obviously just using the bag to bait you

ok dont get the bag guys r u dumb

STUPID!! DONT!!!! ☠️😠 guys i cant keep defending you

they will not ignore the lights bruh🙏

god we're only 19 minutes in

they're gonna die from this bruh

goddamn it john😭

oh no💀💀💀 man come on

they're cooked🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

wait is it actually okay i cant tell anymore

oh😕😕😕 BLERGH☹️☹️

naur the hunt got to him🙏

idk wtf is going on anymore bruh

okay ya its still a trap

dont drink that fucking water bruh i bet his corpse was in there

ofcourse it looks inviting bruh💀💀

they're what

💀💀 HAHA HE LEFT dumbasses

funny as hell now what

DONT DRINK IT HAHA ARE U CRAZY

it looks inviting again huh😐😐

NOOOOO💀💀 jarthur needs a babysitter bruh

"it leads men astray" only men huh😐 god forbid women have hobbies

HEART OF THE FOREST MENTIONED‼️‼️‼️‼️

they're trying so hard to be otgw

IN THE DREAMLANDS?

YEAHHHHH

omg i knew it'd come back

no guys maybe it's the same forest remember when u gave it your finger n u actually didnt need to and u said Lets hope they'll pay us back

FAE FAE FAE THEYRE FAE💥💥

mushroom smell is a core memory for him💀💀

HAHA WTF sillyness

william mentioned

what is his ass yapping about 😭

is this still a trap wtf r these mushrooms doing to him💀

hes dancing???? naur what the hell

hes cooked the fae got to him💀🙏

music is distorting ermmm😕

blud snorted too many mushrooms

WHAT?????? not the traumadumping

madness madness madness

man what the hell

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

man i thought he had a relatively good relationship with his dad😕

YOU DID WHAT😨😨

WHAAAT WHAT THE FUCK MAN

did the dancing exhaust him

😕 man what the hell was that

what the hell wait what now

its the king isn't it

this eppy is crazy man ill kms

the fae got to him‼️🗣️🗣️

EVERYONE SPEAKS IN YOUR VOICE BRUH THERE IS ONE VOICE

what is going on bru

WHO?? 🗣️ horick???

was the shrine for him then

bro is bargaining💀

wuh oh😕

WHAT😨😨😨

YOUNGER????? not again arthur💀

once a child murderer always a child murderer

is arthur pulling this guy's chain bru

nah he was definitely lying right😕

fym "what are you doing" what are YOU doing

he what. he slept?? i think arthur was just pulled away from him so he was like. unconscious?? maybe

they just keep making secret deals with evil gods🙄

oh man hes so ashamed

john trying to have a moment with him and getting shot down again

so whats the plan here are you just gonna go back to killing children

"us" hmmmmmm

hes definitely not gonna tell john abt the deal

oh he did. but not about the child part

YEA THE CORPSES RIGHT

yess i was right💥💥💥💥

yeesh😕

i like how in audio dramas the throwing up sound is always just some tin foil getting squeezed

what an episode. i have to pee so bad

MMMM REALLY not liking the theme im seeing in this season (children)

[little-elf-wanders]

Let's be real solavellan romancers, if your inquisitors were the ones to talk to Solas instead of Varric only one of two things would happen. (Please note, this isn't me trashing your love of the ship, it's just a realistic take on how the game would be a nightmare to navigate if that moment had an Inquisitor instead of Varric.)

Your Lavellan would join him if you couldn't redeem him. I've seen so many of you be ride or die for this egg (I don't get it cause I don't like Solas or his plan but we love a power couple regardless, unlock that villain era bestie) which means the developers would need to add an Inquisitor as an actual boss or person to fight later as Rook. In no world is that able to be made in the game - at least not from a previous PLAYER CHARACTER because it's simply too much work to get right and logistically? Impossible to get perfect - it'd need a shit ton of time and you all have so many head canons that one thing being wrong would be upsetting at best but a game ruiner at worst. Unless the game HAS that amount of choice from the get go, which it doesn't, it's not a realistic avenue. (Nvm all the damn dialog they'd need to do or class versions.) To divert that, Inquisitor just shouldn't be there OR shouldn't be a combatant; so who would? Varric. Maybe they're on their way to join up, maybe they're on their own investigation of Solas but they aren't there YET. Events need to happen for the game to kick off. Otherwise it's just... the Solavellan show. (I do understand you want a big reunion, a lot of others do too. I'm desperate to meet Zevran again as Warden and not have it be buggy or ruined, but it won't happen. Also Fenris. Again, won't happen. At most we get little mentions and it's back to the game. You need to be slightly more realistic with expectations on the part Inquisitor will play with Solas - maybe you'll get your dreams to come true, I don't want to shit on them personally, tragic romances are fun, redemptions can be fun, but it just wouldn't have happened in that scene is all I mean.)

2. The whole game would be rendered moot because your Lavellan showed up and convinced him to stop and I guess Rook's part in it has no point being there. Because if Solas were to stop, the ritual gets fucked anyway from what the gameplay suggested, stopping it mid way meant it would release the old gods he'd locked away - he was never going to compromise that part. For anyone. He's very 'fuck this version of Thedas I don't agree with'. Your Lavellan being there wouldn't have changed a single thing by that point and it wasn't supposed to be stopped, it's the whole reason for the game - he was already in the middle of it - and it would just be harder to script because... well. Not everyone wanted to romance Solas, and his romance actually feels very conditional to him admitting things or nearly admitting things. A high approval platonic Solas never comes close to the level of vulnerability he showed with a romanced Lavellan. Which would change a lot, or in a lot of peoples eyes should change a lot. But even then, then it'd be LAVELLAN'S fault and Solas would be a Changed Man from the get go with zero exploration for Rook? That's boring imo. It'd place the Fuck Up on Lavellan's shoulders. Not Rook's. Any way you spin it afterwards, scenarios where a Lavellan is involved, you would be angry of the outcome even if Rook still did what they did. An Inquisitor would be upset at Rook for going ahead with the statue shove anyway and not waiting. So now you have a Rook vs Lavellan/Inquisitor scenario to consider with tension dialog to add in. It's just WAY too much for game developers to write, animate and scenario because if Inquisitor was there in general...Lets step away from this moment in the mindset of romance and just add an Inquisitor, because if your Lavellan is there then if not romanced an Inquisitor would be in her place. It's the same impossibly long to make happen scene with too many variables to add in. Different races, classes, reactions from Solas, dialog from Inquisitor. Too much from the previous game. With Varric, they at least can make it happen and know only some won't be happy but everything runs smoother storybeat wise. Everything still happens. They only need to write one cutscene. One script with the mindset of Rook's reactions. Not Rook AND Inquisy. Or Rook AND Lavellan.

I get the wish for Lavellan to be there for her love, with her love, to convince her love but... just on a game level, I get why previous playable characters haven't had massive roles in games with new heroes. It seems like an exhaustive nightmare.

Please don't misunderstand me, in an ideal world, you get a reunion with Solas where the game developers had the time. I hope you get your tragedy romance or redemption options - despite me not liking Solas, I do hope they do something to make me change my mind, it'll be a little too late in my own Lavellan's eyes but... at least it'd be an option.

I might feel a little cheated as a player who didn't get the same consideration for renunions, however, because this a slippery slope for Hawkes and Wardens. And even Inquisitors with non-Solas romance partners. Just because my character didn't happen to romance the future antagonist they have less impact? It feels dodgy. So there has to be reasons not to shoehorn the Inquisitor in while still letting you have some sort of moment. I think having Varric there is a good way to get around that headache. I don't want to ruffle any of your feathers, I just saw a load of comments on youtube about it and had to get my take out there.

My views on him aside, Solas is a compelling villain. His story is tragic and pathetic and there's potential for a lot of ways they can go. I just hope we get those options and aren't strong armed into accepting his initial goal because 'these two are WORSE than me look!'

My Lavellan:

[dynamic-k]

wait nvm i have a question for super sticks-

IM MEANT TO BE DOING MY HOMEWORK HELP

Yeah, you know the IP adresses and wifi I talked about last time?

What do those actually look like?

In canon, we are shown the IP addresses of the computers, but the Wifi tunnel was essentially just Chosen busting a hole through Alan's IP address square thingy.

So... Im currently imagining the wifi tunnels like the musical strings from the noteblock universe, when Purple explains his situation.

Wait how high up are they, if they are like those stringy things??

Because I can kind of imagine Dark, or the community sticks if the strings were low enough with ladders, flying up there and grabbing the tunnel-strings and then hanging banners on it.

and then the banners say how the villains suck XD

ok i gtg do my hw now so uh Good Night/Day/whatever,

-R

Wifi tunnel!! Filters internet information through, but sticks can't go through and end up on human computers or apps.

This is an extreme closeup, they look like silvery stars or lights from the city level and make for a glittery look against the blue Outernet sky.

I consider canon!Chosen's "wifi tunnel" to be something of an anomaly. Not supposed to happen at all, but Chosen is Chosen so he managed what some would call an impossible feat.

The Noteblock Universe visuals were very pretty! I imagine the circuit lines [the green-ish grey-ish stuff I attempted to draw above the barrier and the wifi tunnel-] are somewhat similar!

XD I WISH, honestly- But the barrier and the wifi tunnels are too far up, no one would see any banners, unless they really squint. Even then, it'd just be like "Do I see a little, odd brightly colored spot up there with everything else...?" Not to mention, there are no strings below for anyone to hang anything on.

The barrier works similarly to the world barrier in Minecraft. You can collide with it, and cannot pass through it, but you also cannot build things right up against it, unless you began at the floor of the world and built all the way up to the barrier, so that something could be technically right alongside it and look like you placed something right against it, when you didn't.

XD The whole "banners that proclaim villain stupidity and inferior nature and lack of skill in general" thing, reminds me of a Skit and another Skit I did once...

Have a lovely lovely time! :D AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE ASKSSS!!

[slapjacq]

Alright fellas, round three, red valley first listen s2 ep5-ep8 let’s get it boys I got my tea and knitting needles ready

Ep5:

Warren and Gordon having a normal time as normal people?????

GOLDENEYE REFERENCE LETS GOOOO

HES GOT THE TORTOISE

Oh wait nvm he’s going back in the tin can soon

Gordon is the type of dude to watch final destination and move away from any lumber carrying trucks

Okay I get he’s scared but dude please do not bring Mr. Test tube Warren Godby into some musty ass tunnels that man is fresh out of the tank

dolphins tail those mfs can’t breath in water anyway

Gordon bestie as much as I agree with you Clive and bryony are the type to tranq Warren in his fucking sleep to put him back in the tin can

And low key I don’t BLAME Warren for having a fondness for oblivion especially in his situation. Depressed people sleep a lot for this reason. My ass five years ago would’ve jumped at the chance for some shit like hyper sleep even with the risks involved.

Also petition and donation for Warren and future Aubrey’s therapy fund because JESUS CHRIST

Also petition for Bryony’s Malta summer this woman works far too much stop putting that mf in the ice and then MAYBE you won’t be so stressed.

WAIT HES AWAKE

Note to self must look up Shithead/Bastard sounds fun

S2 ep6:

Oh yeah he’s just like me fr

POV: me after the worst shifts of my life

YES BESTIE HIT THOSE HIGH NOTES

Fellow insomniac let’s gooo

The fact that Gordon is Brazilian just makes my heart sing

Oh okay wow Bryony that was pretty fucking patronizing Jesus lady

The worst part about being an adult are these fucking phone calls. That, bills, and taxes.

OH SO THATS WHY I RELATE TO WARREN ON SUCH A DEEP LEVEL OH DEAR THATS SOMETHING IM GONNA HAVE TO TALK WITH MY THERAPIST ABOUT

I mean to be fair the PTSD (let’s be honest it’s c-ptsd at this point) symptoms are not impossible to spot and there is no short of podcasts protagonists with such behaviors but that shit takes on a whole different meaning once it’s canonized.

Oh wow this all just got very personal

OH SO WOW I COULD SURVIVE THE CRYOGENIC PROCESS

red valley really taking the whole “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” thing to heart. What isn’t killing him is also melting his fucking brain

WAFFLES HAS A CREDIT?????? LETS GOO

Ep7:

Never been happier to see Clive I can’t lie

CEMENTING MY LOVE FOR CLIVE HES SO FUNNY

yall please for the love of everything holy talk to Warren like he’s a person

Oh Jesus they’re taking this man into society after stuffing him in a fucking tin can for weeks on end plus the re-triggered trauma.

Bryony try not to dehumanize Warren Godby impossible edition

Oh Jesus not the tape

well, uh good luck Gordon ig

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING-

oh well wishing the best for Gordon cause uh

Yeah that helicopter ride back is gonna be AWKWARD

Ep 8:

WOW OKAY NEVERMIND THAT GOT MESSY QUICK

WAIT WAIT WAIT GORDONS SHOT????

ohhhhhhh oh wait i think im getting it now

LMAO BRYONY SAID FUCK YALL IM OUT

oh okay so it’s all making sense it’s all coming together

Oh Pam girly you are not surviving this one

Shoutout Grace born to be librarian forced to blow up tunnels

WAFFLES

WAIT HES AWAKE

oh no yall I love that Gordon’s voice is the first thing he hears but just not like that-

Oh god this poor mf

First time in a long time I’ve actually heard Warren shaken. Specifically since he found out Karen was in fact not Karen.

So in addition to my analysis of Warren constantly being in a state of perpetual trauma induced disassociation/fight or flight he is also constantly as high as a goddamn kite.

The fucking pan pipes I’m crying

I’m not quite sure if the “the end” is a good thing or a bad thing but regardless I’m fucking psyched

[nebulacollege]

Replies

I procrastinated enough to get a couple of asks, so now I have to make another post where I compile your questions together. I’m very sorry! orz

Anonymous asked:

Who would be more likely to pull the “if I can’t have you then no one can” card on Edmund and murder him in a jealous rage or even for another sick reason?

This ask has been in my box for a month, and the reason why is because I couldn’t figure out how to answer it without spoiling the fuck out of the game lol You’ll get your answer I finish it, I promise. Still, I’ll answer it partially because you’ve been waiting for so long and I feel awkward.

(The more I thought about it, the more I came up with jealousy scenarios that would technically work despite what I write below...)

Niall doesn’t consider Edmund his e- is this a spoiler? Nvm. Niall doesn’t view Edmund as a very important person in his life, so he wouldn’t kill him because he saw Edmund with someone else. In fact, that’s a great argument to bully Edmund even more! He’d do it for other reasons~

Ned would never hurt Edmund on purpose even if he’s dying from jealousy. He’ll probably kill everyone else who looks at Edmund the wrong way, so they’ll be two people left on Earth.

Liam isn’t jealous by nature and he doesn’t really consider Edmund his lover, but he likes him a lot. Edmund’s relationship with any other guy is irrelevant, so, other reasons as well~

My replies are somewhat specific, but I hope not too revealing. Thank you for asking and sorry for keeping you waiting this long!

Anonymous asked:

I read cunningness as something else entirely and I was so confused I had to reread the entire thing again before I realized my mistake

I loved your ask the moment I read it. In fact, I do not consider it a mistake at all. Niall does use his cuntiness because he’s a total cunt. You didn’t read that.

Anonymous asked:

Would you mind if we were to draw your characters with ocs?

That’s... an unusual question that I did not expect to get during such early stages of the Nebula’s development! lol I’ll share my thoughts, if you don’t mind.

I think it’s a little impossible to do this right now in terms of characters being just my vague descriptions from replies and based solely on a handful of sketches that I posted. They don’t have personalities in a proper way, and I haven’t even written them yet in a dialogue once as of today, so it’s hard for me to imagine anyone wanting to draw them when there’s not really much to do with them. Ofc it’s possible to do physically, but I’d hate to see someone being disappointed because my character turned out to be disappointing and not what they imagined after they already wasted their time and effort to draw their OC with them simply due to the lack of knowledge. I’d love people to have the entire image of the characters and the context in which they exist at first. Anyone can draw it even right now, of course, I can’t really stop it, but damn it’s going to be awkward if personalities of someone imagining who Niall is, for example, and who he turns out to be in my writing would be too different. I don’t doubt anyone’s judgment of being able to understand my descriptions, btw, and in addition, I’m not that deep or good with it, but what I plan on writing and what I’ll actually end up writing might be contradicting.

That being said, if and after I finish Nebula at least in some way and it comes out and people can experience it, I don’t really mind whether it’s just an OC or an OC who was created solely as a student for Nebula College. I’d be happy to know that the setting of it was fun enough for people to create their own students and have them interact with the main cast and/or other characters. I see the game closer to a Nitro Chiral experience (in a "harem around a main character" sense), so it feels unusual, but the setting makes it totally plausible. Not to assume that everyone would start dating these douchbags lol

Overall, I guess I don't really mind? It's hard to predict my reaction, tbh.

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

And I’m watching episode 3 now. Let’s see how this goes.

1.) Day IDK how many of me adoring Max and El. Should I support El spying on the boys? No. Do I support it anyway? Yes. I support girl’s rights and girl’s wrongs.

2.) Oh wait, I support the girls because the boys are sexist.

3.) Oh suddenly now Hopper knows how to apologize after barging into El’s room while drunk? Like literally this could have been avoided if Hopper had just encouraged her to have a social life outside of Mike, because Mike being her whole world was actually bad.

4.) Oh, I forgot they chose to spy on Billy at random and El is seen by him. Also it was definitely happening simultaneously with him sacrificing someone, probably the coworker but it’s impossible to know for certain at this point because you don’t see the girl whimpering and the subtitles only say ‘girl whimpering’, not a name.

5.) It is very difficult to tell if Will is a player in a campaign and is forcing Mike to run one or if he’s dressed as Will the Wise as the DM for some reason, even though that doesn’t make sense.

6.) Does Jim Hopper not own anything other than his work uniform?????

7.) Jesus Christ, Hopper couldn’t look past his own jealousy to listen to Joyce for two seconds until she said ‘what if it’s them?’ Oh wait nvm, he’s still being a little bitch. And this makes no fucking sense because Hopper was always the person who listened her the first two seasons!

8.) I would have walked out in the middle of Hopper’s bullshit too, Joyce.

9.) Poor Max thinks El accidentally looked in Billy getting laid.

10.) Nancy dismissing Jonathan’s worries makes me mad. The Byers family all has Cassandra complexes or something.

11.) The shitheads working for the paper all definitely suck. Also, how is Nancy Drew an insult? She was a world traveling and beloved detective who always saved the day and had two best friends. And she had a boyfriend I never cared about. I wanted her with Frank Hardy.

12.) Dustin actually is shockingly right about what to look for in a date, but wrong about who Steve should date. Obviously Steve should date Eddie, who is off somewhere safe this season aka not existing.

13.) Okay Will does DM in season 3 for the first time. But Mike was the DM before that.

14.) Max and El are being Nancy Drews. <3 <3

15.) The only consistently good visual in Stranger Things is the Void that El finds people in.

16.) I just realized the entire group would benefit from a group chat or a Discord server. Would do them all a world of good to be able to be like ‘FYI looking into insane rats’ and others to be like ‘FYI there’s a missing cheerleader’ and for Will get to be like ‘FYI my friends are dicks and somehow this feels like the worst thing that has happened to me because I’m a child and losing friends actually is worse than going to a Hell dimension’

17.) Neither Steve nor Dustin know what an evil Russian looks like. Also Dustin doesn’t know how to fake a phone convo.

18.) The code gets translated episode 2 and cracked in episode 3. I swear every new season makes me realize how bad the Duffers are at pacing.

19.) Nancy really doesn’t wanna have a conversation about how this will get them fired. I love her and her big damn hero complex, I really do, but she’s gotta learn not everyone else is middle class enough to afford to do that.

20.) Oh finally Hopper has an adult conversation about his feelings. We needed more conversations like this.

21.) Will is the only person Mike readily apologizes to without being prompted. But also they totally forgot about hiw little spot in the woods.

22.)I forgot Will destroys Castle Byers. Oh this is actually really sad. Oh bud.

23.) There is clearly a light switch at the top of the stairs to the basement and no one uses it so is it broken or did they just ignore it for effect.

24.) Steve is such a pouty puppy in the rain. They are all absolutely soaked. ALSO ALREADY ROBIN AND STEVE HELD HANDS. BEST FRIENDSSSSSSS.

25.) Hopper got attacked by a Russian in the lab. Forgot about that. ANd by attacked I do mean got his ass kicked. Steve and Hopper have solidarity over being the protector and also occasionally getting the ass beatings of their lives.

26.) El just broke into Heather’s house. Also everyone was very stepford in there.

27.) Oh Billy got to see backstory of El looking bitchin’. Fun.

28.) WILL’S SPIDEY SENSES ARE TINGLING AGAIN.

29.) Well, I forgot they straight up drug the mom but knock the dad out with a wine bottle. I’m confused as to why they didn’t just drug both parents because both were drinking wine, but I guess they decided it was more dramatic? Anyway, I feel bad for Heather, not for Billy

[flowery-1]

Huh, i thought that being nearly impossible to offend was, like, our defining trait. Like, even more so than humour(i'm actually not very good at it, but i'm trying). Well, maybe that's just toxic clownility, idk

Oh, wait, forgot to read the tags, nvm

HEY.

are you scrolling [tumblr] instead of sleeping?

idiot. clown. I cast sleepy spell on you. fuck you. sweet dreams ily

[wp100]

wait uh so if i dont fight thunder in headsmans hill, is it impossible to get the silver key from there?

so i can only get 29 silver keys... if that's the case. they should have added in like some sort of failsafe so you dont have to glitch to the bottom of headsmans hill. I hate lady grey so I never marry her, therefore I never end up fighting Thunder

actually i remember you can glitch to that bottom part of headsmans hill. but it's a pain, iirc. I watched videos on it years ago. Still stupid if there's no other way to get that key then...

edit: nvm a forum thread from 16 years ago has a solution. i will have to see if it works tho lol

[knowlessman]

is it next time yet? fuck it, I guess it is 'XD bnha movie 1, Two Heroes

cacaw! eegels! murica! social darwi - oh this is straight-up actual california apparently. where's excalibur, d'you see him anywhere?

you sir are a pokemon. …no wait he has pants on, he's a digimon -- Cow Lady… sure is a character design. amazing they managed to not put a cowboy hat on no hang on never mind there it is

saitama? -- ALL MIGHT. YOU HAVE EYES. WHAT THE FUCK WHERE ARE WE

…"dave"? in this 2000's-ass hotwheelsmobile? whut even -- with a bubble blower

I was The Most Unprepared for All Might with visible eyes I tell you hwat -- his victory laugh still makes me think of santa clause tho

okay we're back to Bionicle-mode All Might, things are right side up again

…they're going for a vacation at that floating city from bioshock infinite? (turns out it's on water not flying nvm)

"the invite said I could bring a friend." "isn't that usually meant for family?" "we are family. I'm your Space Dad."

"once we get there, I must be in hulk form constantly" I thought that was literally impossible

(movie is doing a whole recap) ohey it's that guy that got caught by the slime monster, what was his name? -- that stunt in the race with the chunk of metal and the minefield was such cool bullshit tho, like only the perfect combination of being painfully aware of your limitations and being absolutely, unshakeably DETERMINED to cross that line first would have led somebody to find such a random tool so early on, drag it with them the whole way, and then manage to find a use for it at the way end. …this show has good fucking writing okay. mineta aside. it has good fucking writing.

"trivia question: why was this island created?" shits, giggles, & egotism. why do you think elon musk does anything. -- facepalm another fucking amusement park

hm. wonder if toshi's plan is to let dave in on the whole secret

blinks and they have literal godzilla. well of course they do, I guess

the literal bat-plane but blue, aye.

ohhhh, no… this Melissa character was reminding me of that girl from the pokemon 2000 movie whose only purpose is to make misty jealous about ash (and hand out that stupid lore pun I guess), and I was just thinking "but they don't have to do that, and maybe they won't, after all uraraka's not here…" -- uh. the gang's all here (well, okay like a quarter of class A so far), but since when have jiro and yaoyorozu given a shit about uraraka's… relationship? crush? unspoken tsundere bullshit that I… thought deku was oblivious to? -- why is deku explaining himself as if he has the slightest idea that uraraka has interest in him? movie weirdness I guess; so new arrivals know which cookie cutter she came out of. (tbh tho even just thinking about her like this is annoying because she does have more interesting stuff going on, with her family and her whole motivation; it feels like she's been reduced to this, and that sucks)

goddammit it's worst character and worst-character-in-training

EMERGENCY EXIT MAKIN HIS EMERGENCY ENTRY AT TOP SPEED FOR SOME REASON (so that newbies have a vague idea what his power is because they can't guess it based on the bigass exhaust ports stickin out his calves I guess), GANGWAY -- IIDA YOU ARE LITERALLY DOING THE ROBOT FOR NO REASON WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GIVE YOU THAT MANNERISM IT IS SO WEIRD ON YOU

okay hagukure with the rock paper scissors signs is funny, they finally made a joke about her invisibility that's funny

METAPOD BROS METAPOD BROS METAPOD BR - uh, hi vegeta, I guess, damn where's tetsutetsu? : /

'XDDDDD "hey, isn't that deku over there" kacchan is IMMEDIATELY in deku's face because he is Like That

ohey look vegeta, it's… wtf is todoroki then? beerus? I don't fuckin know dbz

"we got the drugs. or bomb. it's one of the two, right? what? batjesus is here? who cares."

"I can't tell Dave, who literally just did a cat scan on me and knows my powers are disappearing and has known me for decades and is sposed to be Very Smart, about One for All"

…dang, I'm only a half hour in, I gotta ease up on pausing it 'XD

boxing gloves -- iida 'XD

deku who told you you could steal napoleon dynamite's style

they finally let yaoyorozu wear clo - what have you done to earphone jack let her wear a suit or something jesus

-- …huh. also just now realized the triangle thingies she usually has must be makeup. cool.

yeah, they would give bakugo, out of the entire cast, a formal outfit that actually looks cool >:| (I mean okay uraraka's is just fine but everyone else looks like a dork, like they were stuck with whatever was on the clearance rack)

ohey tapeface and naruto's choji are here too. I expect bnha's choji is around somewhere -- yup. also birdman. tokoyami

think I know what the vague gist of Uno is, but I've never played it. is it worth trying? (froppy and mina and hagukure are stuck in their hotel room. which, like… it feels like, idk, another work would've not bothered doing that, but I like it. It's like in the digimon movie, those random cutaways where the internet is being eaten or wever and it's inconveniencing people in silly ways ("your total comes to one million one hundred HUH??? uh, yeah, that's what it says. that must be really good chocolate. paper or plastic?"). idk it's fun 'XD)

earphone jack's hero costume (which she isn't getting to wear right now bc bullshit) is cool. know what else is cool? her power. jiro is just cool.

todoroki's in a basic white suit but at least it looks good on him and fits him, like, thematically? like not even that it's white, he's a guy you can picture choosing to wear a suit.

"melissa, you stay here" "bad news, pal. none of you know how the security system works. this is an escort mission now." (also she could have gadgets on her, being literally the daughter of the most famous gadgeteer on the island)

all might's having a lot of telepathic conversations in this movie. is that what being neurotypical's like?

"this is the 30th floor" gawwwd, that's a lot of stairs. my feet hurt just thinking about em -- three… hundred… fucking yeah, you're on 50 and you're just NOW ditching the heels? fuckin A

"what does this button do?" "stop those kids!" somebody find a window and mi-yeet-a that little shit out of it

how many of you guys are there, and nobody has a quirk for just climbing up the outside of the tower? momo could probably do it. todoroki could maybe do it. deku might be able to punch handholds into it. …uraraka can literally fly, but granted, only for a limited time. -- wait mineta could get them up there that way. little shit has an entire superpower and he still exists only to represent the worst elements of anime fandom and be the "we're doomed!" guy.

oh fuck it's ornstein and smough maybe they are doomed

'XD ohai beavis and blockhead (bakugo and kirishima). wow, how lost did you get?

momo can just create bat-bombs now.

…bakugo can fly. bakugo can literally just fly, whenever he wants. …him knowing only fighting is such a waste. mfer can FLY.

ohey the penny dropped, they remembered mineta has an entire goddamn superpower.

"that guy's not opening up a hole in space, he's hollowing it out!" fucking. this is gonna be akutagawa's fucking coat all over again isn't it -- gawd damm but they went and whole-assed the animation for this relatively no-stakes fight, it doesn't even have any music but just lookit this shit

jumping daleks. how about that

these gauntlets seem like a pretty significant upgrade, considering I don't remember seeing them in any pictures of deku. makes me suspect that he only has them for this movie, but… : / idk

"don't let your guard down. one of those kids probably has a hearing quirk" and not a flying one? are hearing quirks just really common? I forget whether choji's is supposed to make him hear better

vegeta to the rescue!

"send swordkil and the others!" what kinda rob-liefeld-ass name…?

I swear this one pink-haired villain guy is reminding me of SOMEBODY, but I can't for the life of me figure out who

… : | for once, could a guy give off so many heel-turn flags and not actually turn heel? hell, for that matter, is melissa gonna die now to just tidily remove her from the canon and keep the movie self-contained? -- "did you arrange this just to get that device?" uh yeah, that device that wasn't any of the ones previously introduced? in other words, a random surprise macguffin that we have no reason to care about? -- "a device that amplifies quirks" yawn. also this guy who nobody cared about til now talked him into it, so dave can even do an emergency face turn if he feels like it when mr assistant guy whose name was only said once… gus, I think? when he turns on him (I GUESS his motive having to do with all might losing his powers is, idk, a motive) -- sam, that's what. also gawwwd this got bori - haha he got your-eternal-rewarded. wait why the hell is dave taking bullets for - bah, whatever

deku, mid-punch, without his mouth moving: "melissa, I got this, do the computer thing!" melissa: goes and does the computer thing for real tho, is this what being neurotypical is like? just, everyone has telepathy? must be fucking nice.

"BATJESUS EX MACHINA!" -- "METAL SATAN EX MACHINA. WITH TENTACLES."

…huh. so. mojo jojo was behind this all along. okay, that one's a surprise. -- lol he went for a stab-through and the screen went all red like it's fucking evangelion or something (I think eva does that when spoiler bites spoiler's spoiler? haven't actually seen it). and then all might comes out and his fucking supersuit doesn't even have a scratch on it

really tho deku did you really have no choice other than that fucking clown suit

-- also. alan rickman: "I see you've managed to get your shirt off."

there was a bit in one of the specials where all might transforms from bionicle mode to hulk mode, and I slowed it down looking for in-between frames. THIS is the kind of thing I was looking for. my guy looks like Sans Undertale.

ayup. was a movie. it movied. was fairly okay, although I gotta wonder if there'll be any callbacks to it; it felt depressingly like all the bits that sounded like they mattered were movie-only bits, and… uh. they, uh, they beat mojo jojo, so either I hadn't been understanding properly how All for One works, or they name-dropped him here for pretty much no reason, or the apparent series villain is just done and dusted already. -- movie DID resist the urge to really get my goat with uraraka's tsundere stuff or whatever and kept it down to that one scene, so I guess that could've been a lot worse

[lilzcep]

Ah~~~~ imagine that

[juanarc-thethird]

An Opportunity Has Arrive V2

Blake walks into her bedroom with a fancy box full of sushi.

Ruby: Wow! Where did you get that? Can I have some?

Blake: I'm sorry, but this is a deluxe box of sushi that was given to me as a gift. It is almost impossible to get one of these. So I don't plan on giving it away.

Ruby: *Sad* Aww

Yang: Who give you that? *teasing* Was it Sun?

Blake: Jaune actually.

Yang: Why would Jaune give you that?

Blake: I help him get a part time job with my mom.

Ruby: Doing what?

Blake: I don't know all the details, but my mom explained to me that it is a company involved in the entertainment business. They try to get models and drive them through different parts of the city.

Yang: Like one of those blogs where they take road trips? Do they promote businesses in the city?

Blake: I do not know. I did not ask. To be honest, I wasn't interested. I'm not into that kind of entertainment. I prefer for books.

Meanwhile.

Jaune is waiting on the street to be picked up. Until a white van appears.

A woman on the drivers seat call him out.

Kali: You are Jaune, correct? Blakes friend

Jaune: Oh yes that’s me. I’m guessing you are her mom, Mrs. belladonna.

Kali: That’s me and call me kali. Hop in, let’s get down to business.

Jaune gets inside the van and sees a beautiful girl in the back seat. Nothing weird about it but Jaune has a strange feeling.

Kali: Everything alright?

Jaune: I just had a feeling of deja vu, like I seen this before.

Kali: *Giggles* I don’t doubt it. We are pretty popular. You may have seen us from time to time. Now let me introduce you to your partner of the day, Sienna khan.

Sienna: *Smiling and licking her lips* Hello handsome.

Jaune: *Smiling innocently* Nice to meet you. *He turns to kali* So what do you need me to… do? *Sees kali setting a camera on the ground in front of him* What is the camera for?

Kali: Is to record the trip. Now just act natural and have fun. *She smiles and press the record button* Part 2 by @darkvaga -------------------

Sometime later

Blake is casually reading one of his "artistic" novels. Suddenly she hears the door open very quietly. Blake: Hello Jaune, how was mother's job for you? Not too stressful I hope

Jaune: oh no..very simple....though you forgot that your mother loves to talk & flirt......alot

Blake: *chuckles not looking from her book* oops, i guess i forgot about that 😅

Jaune: yeah you did.....also asked if i was interested in giving her grand babies with her rebel daughter

Blake: *shrinking into her book* d..d..dang it mom!

Jaune: *chuckled* don't worry i stuttered too much to answer

Blake: still embarrassing.....*sniffes the air* hey...do you smell something.....musky?

Jaune:..*stuttering* oh...umm..uh..yeah...its me...phew, i should go shower....bye! *rushes to the bathroom door*

Blake: hey jaune?

Jaune: yeah!?

Blake:....nvm....thanks for helping my mom

Jaune:...sure...*closes the door*

In the bathroom, jaune strippes out his clothes revealing his body once more ccovered in lipstick stains...rather sloppy ones mind you as well as claw marks

Jaune: holy cow.....faunus are wild....i think I'm down a few gallons....i didn't even know i could shot that much......thankfully blake didnt notice....

After a nice shower in jaune's bedroom

Jaune *staring at his scroll*

Kali: "can't wait to play again~"

Jaune:....definitely......though i need a break for a bit....

Kali: "Great!...see you tomorrow stud~~..."

Jaune: *gulping* i barely survived.the first time.......but my dad didnt raise a quiter "Sure thing my lady"

His scroll rings a second time

Jaune: from...Blake?

Blake: "i know what you guys did~ ready for round 10?"

"Nobody's home but us~~~"

Blake got her answer when Jaune burst through her door like an animal

[floralseokjin]

final sleigh drabble #4

❛ it’s New Year’s Eve…❜

original oneshot here // drabble index here

kim seokjin x reader  smut; ass eating (f receiving)  3,558 words  

“Seokjin, where are we going?” You demanded, voice low as you followed him up the stairs. 

He ignored your question. “Quick, hurry! It’s nearly midnight.” Taking your hand he pulled you into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Only then did he give you an explanation. “I want to kiss you.” 

Was he stupid? Jungkook and Mina were here. If they found out nothing would be right. The situation was... complicated to say the least. Co-workers, rivals, supposed to hate one another’s guts. Jungkook would have a field day. He was already suspicious, immediately asking why you’d shown up at Seokjin’s New Year’s Eve party. 

“Her best friend is hooking up with mine, I had to invite her by default,” Seokjin had explained expertly. 

“Do I look happy about it?” You’d shot, playing your part well. 

You’d never admit it out loud, but it was sort of exciting pretending to still hate Seokjin. (Not that you’d truly hated him before – that was a horrible word.) He still annoyed the hell out of you regardless of the sex, so... But yeah, Jungkook really had no clue. No clue that last night Seokjin had made you cum four times in a row. No clue that Seokjin had been fucking you so good, the best you’d ever had, for pretty much the last fortnight. It was amusing.

But not when he was unintentionally putting his foot in it. 

“This is priceless,” he’d hollered. “Like a fucking sitcom. You know, five years from now, maybe sooner, you two will end up falling in love and getting married. I call it now.” 

Seokjin had turned red immediately. You caught it but didn’t say anything, too busy feeling awkward yourself. Thankfully, Jungkook didn’t notice, too busy getting chewed out by his tomato faced friend. “Shut the fuck up, Kook. You’re drunk already.” 

Seokjin was playing a dangerous game right now. Less than five minutes before the new year. “They’re going to notice we’ve disappeared,” you worried, feeling him reach for your hands. 

“Already sorted it, babe.” He reassured you, letting go of one hand to slide his cell phone out of his jeans pocket, unlocking it to pull a chain of messages up. You read them quickly, not quite believing your eyes. 

(11:48pm) Seokjin: You never guess what (11:48pm) JK: what? (11:49pm) Seokjin: Guess who’s throwing their guts up in my bathroom? (11:49pm) JK: WHO  (11:50pm) Seokjin: I said guess (11:51pm) Seokjin: Nvm it’s Y/N  (11:51pm) JK: what 😂 (11:51pm) JK: how come  (11:52pm) Seokjin: She’s blaming Yoongi’s kebabs but I think she’s just had too much to drink (11:52pm) JK: photo or its not happening (11:52pm) Seokjin: I’m not taking a photo, do you want death? (11:53pm) JK: fair  (11:53pm) Seokjin: Yeah so I’m probably going to miss the countdown (11:53pm) JK: aww what.. get her friend 😅 (11:53pm) JK: oh no wait i can see her making out with yoongi against the fridge  (11:54pm) Seokjin: It’s no big deal. I’ll celebrate later  (11:54pm) Seokjin: Happy New Year, JK!  (11:54pm) JK: happy new year brother 😘 

“Seokjin, you told him I’m being sick?!” You exclaimed. 

“Relax,” he breezed. “It’s the only plausible reason we’d both disappear. I’m helping out a frenemy in need. Besides, it’s payback for the cake.” 

You stared up at him, quite honestly speechless. “I think looking like an idiot for not being able to handle my drink is much worse than forgetting to order a damn cake!” 

“But babe, you can’t handle your drink.” He said gently, placing a patronising hand on your shoulder. “You forgot our first kiss.” 

“Listen here–”

“10, 9, 8...” 

“Seokjin, don’t interrupt me,” you told him, hearing the whole of the party downstairs begin to countdown too. 

“7, 6, 5, 4...” He was so annoying. But maybe he had a point. Nobody was going to realise you were both gone, too busy celebrating the new year in…

“3, 2, 1!” 

The press of his mouth was soft as he leaned into kiss your lips, successfully distracting you. You even wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him harder as you heard a bunch of fireworks start to go off around his neighbourhood. Downstairs you could hear lots of cheering. 

“Happy New Year, baby,” he smiled as he pulled away. Your felt a surge of warmth throughout your body. You weren’t even that drunk, which hang on a minute – how was Jungkook supposed to believe you were wasted and throwing your guts up in Seokjin’s bathroom?! 

You told yourself to chill out. Jungkook had fallen for it, and now you were free to kiss Seokjin as much as you wanted for a few minutes. Pressing your lips into his once, you grinned. “Happy New Year.” Who’d have thought it? Seeing the new year in with him... Not you, that was for sure. 

Seokjin wound his arms around your middle, giving your ass a squeeze. “Now, let’s see it in as we mean to go on.” 

“Huh?” He couldn’t mean— 

“With my face between your ass!” 

“What?” You exclaimed. “No, Seokjin! We don’t have time for sex.” 

“I sorted it, remember.” He was holding your hands again, yanking you over to his bed. You tried your best to root yourself to the floor but he was too strong. You were soon on your back, caged under his body, tongue down his throat. 

“Y/N.” He breathed against your jaw, lips sticky. “Let me eat you out so good you cry.” 

You took a shaky breath. You couldn’t say no to him, it was impossible. Not when he could get you wet with the lamest of lines. “Bit sadistic, but okay.” 

His face literally was between your ass in no time. On all fours, your skirt bunched up around your waist, underwear thrown to the floor somewhere. 

“Spread your legs a little more for me.” He was murmuring but it was still a command and you listened, lowering your back in the process so he could hit your clit better with his tongue. 

Amongst the pleasure, you kept thinking of how dumb this was. Yes, his door was locked, and yes, nobody had probably realised you’d gone, too busy partying downstairs, but fuck, this was so, so stupid... Why did neither of you have any self-control?! 

“Ha-Have you ever had someone go down on your ass before?” 

“What?” You jerked up at his question, the surprise taking over, your ass hitting him in the face. 

“Woah, calm down.” He chuckled, steadying you with gentle hands. “You nearly knocked me out.” 

“Sorry,” you all but squeaked. Thoughts of downstairs were no more. What was he talking about and where had it come from? 

“Well, have you?” He pressed. 

You told yourself to take a breath, and then replied. “No.” 

You could feel Seokjin’s breath puffing against your wetness, making you squirm. “Is it something you’d like to try maybe?” 

What the hell. You felt like you were getting interviewed. “I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it.” That was a lie actually. Your ex had begged you to do it on more than one occasion, you’d just never relented. 

Seokjin sounded a little impatient when he spoke next. “Can you think about it now, please?” 

“You want to eat my ass?” What a dumb question. It was obvious he did. 

“Yes, very much so,” he practically lamented, fingers running along your slit to rub at your clit. 

“Ooooohhh,” you huffed, unable to stop yourself from arching into him. You felt his lips press against one ass cheek, kissing it softly. 

“It’s just staring at me.” His voice was small. He stroked you harder. “Always staring at me and I want–I want to make you feel good.” 

“Okay.” 

You had never made a decision so fast in all your life. You’d even surprised yourself. You’d definitely surprised him. 

“Okay?” He repeated, as if he hadn’t quite heard you properly. 

“Yes, okay.” You were wet and horny and now desperate for an orgasm. He could go down on whatever he wanted. “I trust you. If you say it’ll feel good then I believe you.” 

You sensed him pause behind you, as if he was contemplating something, or maybe he was still in shock at how easy you’d given into him. You squeaked out when he spanked you out of the blue, jutting forward as he told you, “You’ll love it. Trust me.” 

He was confident, you’d give him that. Had he done it before? Probably. No man was this sure of himself without knowing for sure he could back it up. Seokjin liked to talk shit, but it was all true. Always true. He was no liar. 

He kissed your ass cheek again, opening his mouth to pass his tongue over the flesh like it was about to kiss him back, all while rubbing you expertly, fingers quietly squelching around your clit. His mouth moved closer and closer to his destination... Your heart beat loudly in your chest, the anticipation rushing loudly inside your ears. 

“Oh.” The first little niggle of his tongue got you tensing up, sensation new and confusing as he found his way between your ass. 

“Relax for me,” he whispered, pulling back to give one of your thighs a reassuring rub. You listened easily, softening under his touch, and he used the moment to stop all movement around your clit, grabbing your ass instead to spread it a little. 

“Good girl.” Fuck. He definitely felt your asshole clench at his praise, moaning as he traced it with the tip of his tongue. How embarrassing. 

Closing your eyes, you concentrated on the newfound pleasure, holding back any noises that wanted to slip out. Confident that you were comfortable, Seokjin’s movements got bolder, tongue flattening against the hole, tip flicking back and forth.

With both hands on either side of your ass he pulled back briefly to ask you a question. “Does it feel good?” 

The sudden swipe of his tongue had you moaning out. “Yes–Ngh.” It was new, your body extra sensitive and you didn’t know how to react. 

“Told you.” His breath was hot against your skin, tongue eager once again to pleasure you. Humming in enjoyment, his fingers squeezed into the meat of your ass. “Your ass is a gift from God.” 

You attempted to scoff but it sounded choked up and desperate. “Dramatic, much–Ohhh.” Your body dropped slightly at the sudden spike in pleasure, his tongue nudging it’s way inside you a little. The intrusion was wet and warm and had your thighs trembling. He dug further, wriggling his tongue a little and you buckled once more, burying your face into the covers. “Seokjin, fuck. Fuck.” 

He moaned in response, unable to use words seeing as he was otherwise preoccupied. The vibrations shot up your body, the blood rushing to your head. You didn’t think you could experience a better pleasure. 

You were wrong. 

Once you felt his middle finger push into your vagina a gasp escaped your throat. His other hand reached forward to play with your clit. The sudden onslaught turned you dizzy. 

Seokjin dislodged from you with a lewd flick of his tongue, his lips kissing the hole once before he spoke, voice thick and urgent.  “You love it.” He slipped a second finger inside of you, pressing against your walls as you moaned. Words were useless. And they wouldn’t come anyway. 

“God, you’re so fucking hot.” Lowering his mouth once more, he continued where he left off, grunting when he found he couldn’t quite do it how he wanted now that his hands were preoccupied. “Shit, I don’t have enough hands.” He cursed on cue. 

Body getting more and more desperate for an orgasm, you raised your ass, outstretching your knees wider in a bid to spread your ass. It felt crude and somewhat embarrassing, but you couldn’t find yourself caring that much right now. Not when he was making you feel so good. Not when Seokjin sounded like he was this closing to combusting down to your eagerness. 

“Fuck, yeah,” he muttered, tongue flicking against your hole easily this time. “You love me eating your ass, Y/N.” You felt your cheeks burn, your voice breaking as a noise racked through you. “Y/N,” he pressed. “Tell me how much you love it.” 

He was getting good at this. Pulling words you didn’t have the confidence to say out loud. He brought something out of you. A confidence that had always been too shy to reveal itself. To voice itself. This was a perfect example right now. Your ex had spent years trying to have you like this and here was Seokjin victorious after only two weeks. 

“Seokjin, I love it,” you gasped, hearing him hum enthusiastically as he flicked the tip of his tongue rapidly against you, his cheek pressed flat to your ass. “I love it so much.” 

“I love it too, baby.” He agreed. 

“H-how can you multitask so well?” You asked with a struggle, the roll of his fingertips against your clit making you sensitive. 

Tongue flat to your asshole, he pressed forward, moving his head up and down, soaking you, pleasuring you. He pulled away suddenly, you clenched at nothingness. “An incessant need to pleasure you, that’s how.” 

No matter how many times you heard him say something to that effect, you loved it all the same. It did wonders for your self-confidence, and this time was no different, moaning loudly, ass rocking back into him, desperate for more. 

“You like that, don’t you?” His voice was so low it rumbled. “I love making you feel good. Love making you cum.” You jumped at the sudden sensation of his tongue again, the tip pushing inside you slightly with a few wiggles. The fingers inside of your vagina continued to thrust and press around. Your knees wobbled, whimpers escaping your throat. You were close. 

Tongue pulling out once more, he removed his fingers from your clit, stroking the right side of your ass instead, smearing it with your arousal. “You don’t need that.” His tongue went back to flicking against your hole. “This is enough.” 

Your eyes nearly rolled back into your head. The thought of coming around his fingers as he ate your ass was almost enough to send you over the edge. Seokjin could tell. He already knew your body so well. It was pretty unbelievable. “You gonna cum?” He asked, placing a kiss against your hole, before poking his tongue out, moving it side to side. 

“Yes!” You exclaimed, body bucking with the amount of pleasure travelling through it. He held you up, wrapping his free arm around your middle, holding you to him. To his tongue. He was out of breath, panting and grunting due to not only effort but his own horniness too. He continued fingering you, trying his best with the angle he had. It was enough. Definitely enough. 

“Ohmygoddfdngh,” you exclaimed, words and moans blurring into one as you felt the initial hit of your orgasm. Body immediately taut, you buried your face into the covers, cries muffled as the waves of pleasure crashed throughout your body. 

Seokjin’s fingers eased, pulling out of you halfway, but he continued to eat your ass, tongue gentle, but still just as desperate as he let you inch away, careful not to overdo it as your sensitivity grew to its maximum.  

Still holding you, he finally stopped, placing a wet kiss to your left ass cheek. His lips were so soft. “Shush, shush. Keep it down,” he calmed, stroking your back. 

Had you really been that loud? You couldn’t hear yourself, blood still rushing through your ears, heart pounding against your ribcage. You lifted your head, arms and legs shaky but you held yourself as steady as you could manage. (Although you knew if Seokjin let you go you’d immediately face plant.) 

He chuckled. “Baby, we’ll get caught and then you’d have to explain why you were eagerly on all fours for me letting me eat your ass.” 

You were so fucked the idea didn’t even seem that mortifying. “Okay, okay,” you babbled, pushing back into him. “Just please continue!”

“Always begging...” He murmured smugly. 

You didn’t even know what you were begging for. His dick? His tongue again? You were so turned on you couldn’t think straight. 

He yanked you up with the arm around your waist, moving your hair behind your back to kiss your neck. You felt his erection before he said anything. Rock solid against your back. “You’ve got me so fucking hard. I need to fuck you immediately.” His voice wavered, showing just how turned on he was as well. He couldn’t even keep calm. 

You found yourself on your hands and knees again as he pushed you forward, moving in closer to spank your bare ass. You yelped, raising up higher in desperateness. “This fucking ass,” he practically moaned. “You’re asking for it.” 

“God, Seokjin,” you breathed, feeling lightheaded. 

“Do you want my cock?” He demanded. You nodded, moaning. That wasn’t enough. “Tell me with words, baby.” 

“Yesss,” you whined, impatient now. “I want your cock. Give it to me!” 

With a growl, you heard him begin to unzip his jeans, and then there was a knock at the door. You both froze, unsure what to do. 

“Seokjin? Y/N?” 

It was Jungkook. Of course it was. 

“Y-yeah?” Seokjin called, stammering as you both rushed into action. You pulled your dress down, flipping to sit on your ass. Seokjin stood from the bed, his dick tenting his boxer shorts, sticking out from his undone jeans. 

Jungkook tried the doorknob. Your heart stilled even though you knew he couldn’t get in. “Why’s the door locked?” He asked, sounding confused. 

“Uhh,” Seokjin looked at you, eyes wide as he tried to think of an explanation. “Uh. Y/N’s still chucking up like crazy so I locked it for some privacy.” His voice shook. He definitely sounded turned on. Idiot. And what the fuck? You were still being sick?! 

“Oh.” There was silence. “Was it really those kebabs? I ate quite a lot earlier. I’m worried.” 

You rolled your eyes, trying to stay as quiet as possible. At least Jungkook was oblivious. He hadn’t heard anything, thank god. Like how you’d been begging for Seokjin’s cock not seconds before he’d turned up at the door. 

“Nah, I’m sure she’s just drunk,” Seokjin assured. You threw daggers his way. 

“Do you want me to take over?” Jungkook suggested. “Look out for her? You’re missing the party.” Christ, what were you, a baby? “I saw Ana and Yoongi making their way upstairs, so.” 

Oh my god, you hadn’t! Anyone could have walked upstairs and heard you both. You’d let pleasure get in the way of your rationality. It was all Seokjin’s fault! 

“No, it’s fine,” Seokjin replied, relaxed now as he sat back on the bed. His boxers were still tented. How was he hard at a time like this?! “I feel semi-responsible anyway. I kept encouraging her to do more jelly shots.” 

Jungkook sniggered. “She’s going to kill you when she sobers up, man.” 

“If she remembers–Ow-ouch!” Yes, you had just reached over and pinched his penis. He wasn’t getting away with talking shit about you, no matter how amazing the orgasm he’d just given you had been. 

“What’s up?” Jungkook questioned, sounding concerned. 

“I stubbed my fucking toe against the bed.” 

“Lame,” he scoffed. 

With the silence that followed you stared at Seokjin, mouthing silently and miming with your hands as you told him to get rid of his friend. You’d have the whole party up here in a minute, wondering what the hell was going on. 

“Jin?” Jungkook prompted. 

Seokjin flew up, rushing to the bathroom to flush the toilet. He shouted out. “Damn, toilet’s flushing, I guess she’s done for the time being. Better go and check on her!” 

“Okay.” 

“I promise once she passes out I’ll come down!” 

Your mouth flew open at the nerve of it. You were going to get your revenge. Asshole. 

“Yeah, okay,” Jungkook replied, tapping the door to say goodbye. “Good luck.” 

You both waited in excruciating silence as he left, making sure a whole minute had passed so there was no risk of getting heard. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you!” You seethed, pointing at Seokjin accusingly. “All this just so you can eat some ass.” 

“Eat your ass,” he corrected, unbothered by your aggressiveness. “And actually, that was a spur of the moment kinda thing. I didn’t plan it.” 

You didn’t believe him. Not for one second. Watching as he rounded the bed, you narrowed your eyes. “What are you doing?” 

He was reaching for the top drawer of his nightstand. “Grabbing a condom.” 

“Nuh uh. No way,” you shook your head, folding your arms. “You’re not getting your dick wet now.” He was dumb, and how was he still hard?? 

“What do you mean?” He asked, affronted. 

“Just get downstairs to your party.” You sighed. “It’s time for me to ‘pass out’.” 

By the look on his face he immediately knew how he’d fucked up. It was pretty comical. You had one final demand for him as he stood there in shock. “Give me the TV remote on your way out.” 

Ahh, revenge was definitely sweet. 

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021