#wait sorry sorry I feel like this comes off very mean I jist don’t how how I feel about you saying you based an oc off me ..?

[habken]

Made a character, upon looking back I realized I accidentally based them off you-

I guarantee you don’t know enough about me for that to be true

[jisungsplatforms]

[Chapter I: Let’s Party!]

Pairing: Producer/Music Major! Han Jisung x Photographer! fem! reader

Genre: NSFW! Smut; non idol au, college au, strangers to lovers

Warnings: strong language, use of alcoholic beverages, drunken antics, ?? jackson wang is throwing a party?? (jk he’s not aljsks. changbin is tho), nothing filthy in this chapter, unfortunately :/ just plot build up

Chapter word count: 2.6k words

Taglist: @hyunjeongins @seungstarss @es-kay-zee @hyunjinsplaything @formidxble @freckledquokka (want to be added? send an ask or a dm! <3)

Haven University; school of the elite. From the academically inclined to the artistically blessed, only those who were gifted with such talents are accepted to augment their potential. The perfect school for the sensational.

...And like every other school with young hormonal adults, also the perfect school for a good fuck.

“Another outstanding submission, Y/n! Keep up the great work!”

You smiled at your photography teacher, Mr. Kim, bowing humbly as you thanked him. You were proud. Praise after praise for your picture taking skills only heightened your motivation to be the best even more. Photography has always been your passion. Ever since you were given your very first camera at the age of 5 years old- which, in retrospect, was actually a toy camera, you already knew that it is something you would want to pursue.

In the middle of your teacher’s praises with another student, the bell rang. “Looks like we ran out of time, folks. Great job again, Seungmin. Everyone, class dismissed,” he said, jokingly using shooing gestures. “Now hurry up and get out of my face, you delinquents. Lunch time awaits. Go replenish your life force.”

You began gathering your belongings, slinging your precious DSLR camera around your neck. “Outstanding submission, young photographer.” You heard someone say. You turned around to see Seungmin grinning at you.

You snort out a laugh. “Thanks. Great job to you too, Seungmo.” Seungmin was about to respond when your instructor’s voice interrupted.

“Oh. Except Y/n. Please stay a little bit after class, for me, dear.” You and Seungmin shared a glance, nodding for him to go ahead without you. He pats your shoulder, bidding you goodbye. You continued packing your things into your bag. As the rest of the students left the room, you walked towards Mr. Kim’s desk, waiting for his word. “Hello, Y/n.”

“Hello, sir. You wanted to talk to me?”

“Ah yes. I wanted to ask you this,” your instructor paused, sitting on his desk. “How much do you love photography?”

You paused, wanting to convey the exact feelings you wanted to express. “Photography is an escape for me,” you answered. “It’s another form of art that helps people convey the emotions and stories people want to tell. Some people express their emotions through music and lyrics, others through paintings, and others through dance. For me, personally, I’m not all that good in any of those aspects, sir. That is why I work so hard when it comes to this class, and in photography in general.” You unconsciously caressed the camera slung around your neck. “And to me, the stories behind a photo is a lot more intimate in a way that I just can’t explain.”

“Because...this is the only way for you to express yourself? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” You nodded. Mr. Kim hummed in thought. “I see.” He stood up and walked to you, placing his warm hands on your shoulder. “I admire you, kid.”

“You...admire me?” You were confused. The teacher admires his student? Isn’t it usually the other way around?

“Oh yeah. Is that hard to believe?”

“Uhm...Kinda, yeah.”

Mr. Kim laughed mirthfully, amused by your bewilderment and doubt. “Well, believe it. You have spunk. Soul. Your work impart emotions I have never seen from my other students before. You’re passionate about what you do, and I like that. You take digital arts very seriously.”

You laughed awkwardly, the amount of praise your instructor was giving you made you happy. “I do, sir. Kinda a shame not a lot of people even consider it an art.”

“Indeed,” he replied, sitting down on his desk. “Which is why I wanted to give you an impromptu assignment. I want to assign you a story telling type of assignment; to write a story using your photography skills, if that makes sense.”

“Hm, yes? I think I get a jist of what you're trying to tell me.”

“Excellent. I just want to use this to monitor your skills, Y/n. You’re a very talented person, the most talented I’ve ever had even. I just want to see how much of that potential you really have so I can help you blossom it into something greater.”

“Oh,” you draw out, somewhat understanding why he picked you. “I see, sir. I’m honored that you’ve picked me.”

“You should,” he joked. “Now, I want you to photograph the following- write or type this down before you forget.” You hastily whipped out your phone from your pocket. “Ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay. I want you to capture the perfect scenes. Give me something that gives you joy. Something that makes you emotional, good or bad or even both, if you can. Something you fear, and finally, something that you love unconditionally. These are all supposed to be different photos, by the way. Got that?”

You finished typing a few seconds later. “And...got it.”

“Awesome!” he smiled. “Just know that I’ll be giving you only 3 months to complete the assignment. I hope that this isn’t too much to ask of you, but I’m sure someone as ambitious as you doesn’t mind, right?”

“Nope, sir! Everything will be a-okay!”

“I’m glad! Now move along and get to the canteen already. I’m sure you’re just as hungry as I am.”

You giggled, making your way to the door. “Thank you sir! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Oh, finally! There you are! We were starving waiting for you!” You rolled your eyes at Minho, who immediately decided to pick on you the second you entered his field of sight.

“Shut up, you could’ve eaten without me you know?”

“Nah, cause what kind of friends would we be if you ate without you?”

“You just want to steal some of my food, don’t you?”

Minho scoffed and went quiet, prompting Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin to laugh. “Caught you red-handed, Hyung,” Hyunjin teased, which backfired immediately causing him to chant an apology after Minho gave him a look.

“So why did you take so long, Y/n?” Jeongin asked.

“Oh, Mr. Kim wanted to give me an extra assignment.”

“Extra assignment?” Seungmin questioned. “What for?”

You shrugged, sitting down. “Uh, to test me? I’m not sure but I honestly think that there’s something more behind it. Not in like a bad way, just to clarify. I mean, he did acknowledge that I’m the best in his class after all.”

Seungmin snorted. “I just know you meant that unironically.” You jokingly blew a raspberry at him.

“Of course Y/n is the best!” Hyunjin stuck his chin up. “Let’s be honest, anyone could be the best if they use me as their model!”

“Hey, Hyunjin? You wanna eat this straw?” Minho threatened, making Hyunjin shut up.

“No...?”

“Good. Get off your high horse, prince charming.”

The three of you laughed. “Poor Hyunjin,” Jeongin sympathized sardonically.

“Hyunjin please stick to dancing and uh- not dying,” you said. “I still need you alive for some more upcoming projects.”

“For me too,” said Seungmin. “I might start using you as my model as well.”

Hyunjin fake cried, “Y’all just like me for my looks!”

“I mean, there’s no denying you are incredibly handsome but we like your personality too, Hyunie, don’t worry,” you cheered him up, then turned to Jeongin. “What about you, Yeni? How’re you holding up now that Lix is gone?”

Jeongin gasped. “I miss him! I’m so lonely now, especially when I have theatre! I feel so awkward now that girls swarm up to me instead- and you know I’m a shy boy!”

“Hey! At least you’re more popular now!” Minho laughed.

“Well, now we have no choice but to remember Felix in our hearts,” Seungmin replied.

“I’m not fucking dead. I just switched majors!” the four of you turned to see Felix pouting at you all.

“Well, you’re dead to me!” Jeongin wailed. “Going from a theatre major to a dance major. How could you?!”

Felix chuckled, sitting down between Seungmin and Jeongin. “I’m sorry! You know I’ll still see you though, buddy!”

“Why don’t you just switch to a regular vocal major next semester, Yeni?” you asked.

“Nah. I originally did want to go for just regular vocal studies but, you know, even if I did accidently sign up for the class, I ended up finding something else I wanna do. Plus, theatre is surprisingly fun! You know, find something new that’ll change your life every day.”

“Yup! Especially since they often collab with the dance majors so we get to see each other a lot!” Hyunjin beamed while Minho nodded in acknowledgment.

“Oh, speaking of dancing,” Minho chimed in. “You guys wanna go to a party I was invited to?”

“No,” Seungmin immediately responded.

“No, not you, I knew you would say no. I meant the others.”

Hyunjin nodded, “I was invited to the same party you’re talking about, so yeah.”

“Can’t,” Felix replied. “I’m still getting used to my new major and I still have a few assignments to catch up on.”

Jeongin hummed in agreement. “Same here. We have a play coming up soon and I’m a lead this time, so I gotta stay home to rehearse as much as I can.”

Minho made a stank face, “Aww. Lame.” He turned to you. “What about you, Y/n? You down?”

You thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“Really?” All 5 boys looked at you incredulously.

“Yeah. I might find some inspiration while I’m there. Besides you know I’ll just be leeching off of Hyunie and Min the whole time.”

Minho and Hyunjin high-fived, cheering a quiet ‘yes!’ Hyunjin giggled. “This is great cause we might need a designated back up driver in case I get drunk and Minho-hyung abandons me!”

“Now that you’ve said that, I might seriously consider that,” Minho grinned. “We’ll pick you up at 8 sharp! Y/n!”

‘8:53pm’ You wanted to go home already.

The boys, true to their word, picked you up at 8:00pm. With little to no traffic- and the fact that Hyunjin actually got ready early so that they wouldn’t be an hour late- the three of you made it to the party around 8:20pm. Even then there were already a lot of people there.

“What the fuck. This house is huge!” you gawked. “Can you even consider this a house still?!”

Hyunjin shrugged. “I’d say this more of a mansion at this point.” All you do mutter a constant chant of ‘what the fuck. what the fuck’ over and over again. “Who’s house is this again, Minho?”

“Changbin’s, remember? Jisung said they’re celebrating in his house,” Minho replied.

“Well this Changbin dude is LOADED,” you mused. Even in the dim lighting, you could see the elegance of the house, which most likely costs more than your entire tuition. “I’d hate to be the one who has to clean up the place.” The boys lead you to the kitchen, helping you avoid the crowd cause, in your words, ‘ew yucky people’. There, they brought you to two men wearing all black, who were hanging out on the island counter. Their names were Changbin- the handsome rich boy who owns the house, the lucky bastard- and Chan- another handsome rich boy with the cutest laugh and dimples, both really sweet and hilarious men, whom you very much enjoyed talking to...

That was the last memory you had before it went downhill.

It took 33 minutes and 4 soju bottles later for Hyunjin to get drunk. Chan and Changbin were back at the booth, manning the song list for the night while Minho was somewhere with some guy in a red beanie doing absolutely nothing, so here you were: stuck babysitting your best friend. “Y/n! Y/n!”

You sighed hearing Hyunjin drunkenly call you. Again. “Yes, Hyunie?”

“I looove you~!” he sang while giving you finger hearts, rocking on the balls of his feet. You sighed again, rubbing your temple.

“Yeah yeah. I know. Love you too.”

“Y/n!” Your left eye twitched. You whipped out your phone from your bra to text Minho.

Me: You bitch.

Help me

Minho ho ho 😼: Hi

No

You glowered. You quickly glanced up to check Hyunjin, who was now sitting on the carpeted floor in front of you, counting his luscious black hair.

Me: He’s-he’s counting his hair… Please get him. It’s like watching a bird repeatedly hitting glass

Minho ho ho 😼: At least he’s not making any trouble now, is he?

He fucking jinxed it. Hyunjin stood up with a shocked look on his face. “What’s wrong, Hyunjin?”

“It’s my favorite song!” he cheered, starting to dance along. You have to admit, even when he’s drunk, he’s still an exceptional dancer. Texting Minho a quick ‘fuck you’. You put your phone back between your breasts to go back to monitoring him, preparing yourself in case you needed to tackle Hyunjin down.

“Heyyy, Y/n!” Minho suddenly draped his arm around your shoulder. Taking your eyes off of Hyunjin, you glared at your lazy, backstabbing friend, shoving his arm off of you.

“Asshole, you’re ten minutes late.”

“Oh I'm not here for Hyunjin. I need your phone.” You look at him audaciously.

“What the- why?”

“My-uh-phone died?” he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. Your eyes briefly flickered towards Minho’s friend, who, in return, looked down bashfully, red faced. Hm. Weird. You rolled your eyes, nonchalantly reaching into your shirt to get your phone. Minho didn’t even hide his grimace. He cringed, “It’s warm...and wet?”

“Shut up. I’m sweating, okay? And I don’t have any pockets on me.”

Minho nodded, going back to his little friend. Before you could scold him, you heard Hyunjin screaming. You turned around to find him running to the front door. Oh shit. You started pushing people to run after him

You groaned in disgust, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of here. You pushed your way out of the crowd, cringing at the feeling of touching numerous dirty, unknown people. Where in the world is the fucking exit? In the midst of the sweaty, drunken bodies, your eyes met. It was like time had stopped; no one within the vicinity seemed to not have mattered anymore. With just a smirk and a flirty wink from the chubby-cheeked boy in the red beanie, you knew…

...you just had to fuck him

Hold on, Y/n. Your friend might get fucking ran over! You snapped out of it. With a flustered face, you continued shoving your way through, wrangling Minho on the way. “Come on, fucker. You’re helping me. Let’s go,” you sneered while Minho complained.

After 30 minutes of chasing and wrestling, the drunken beast was tamed. The night ended with Minho driving you all home instead while you and Hyunjin cuddled in the backseat against your will. Minho took great pleasure in knowing that he wasn’t Hyunjin’s cuddle buddy, laughing every time you tried unlatching yourself from him, which made the long haired boy cry. Your sadistic friend dropped you home first, apologizing for not being much of a help tonight. “To make it up to you, I have something for you,” he suspiciously said, wiggling his eyebrows, before giving your phone back and driving off.

You relaxed on your bed, happy that you were rid of those dirty, smelly clothes. You grabbed your phone to text Minho. Assuming that the messages app was left on your conversation with him, you started texting, not paying any mind to the fact that the chat was blank.

Me: Thanks for taking me I guess. I didn’t get anything other than unwanted kisses from Hyunjin ew but it’s aight.

Speaking of aight…Do you think you can give me your friend’s number? 👁👁 The one with the red beanie.

Cause sir, not to be nsfw or anything but he is one fine ass man that I’d like to fuck

Almost immediately, the three bubbles appeared. You were surprised that Minho would reply that fast, thinking we was still on the road with Hyunjin. The reply you got, however, made your heart drop.

Min’s hoe: uh...hi? 👋🏻

this is minho’s “fine ass friend with the red beanie” 👁👁

Shitshitshitshit SHIT

[NEXT CHAPTER]

A/n: Sorry no smut in this chapter just plot build up :(( (which i’m a sucker for) and a lot of dialogue. But Trust me. Everything written in this chapter will fall into place with the future chapters. And who know, next chapter might be 🥵

[it9chi]

emergency contact hcs

alternative title: it’s been awhile since you two broke up and until now neither of you changed your contact information for various reasons and because of this you are still saved as the emergency contact

kageyama: 

kageyama would either be working out or sleeping when he suddenly gets a call from a random number in the middle of the night

say like.. 2-3 am

mf wouldn’t even look at the caller when answering cs its either he got interrupted during his sessions or he got woken up

he groggily answers the phone and winces when he hears loud club music from the other end just dampening his mood a bit more lol

“is this kageyama tobio?” he hears the other line ask

kageyama suddenly sits up straight like wtf happened this time

mind you this mf doesnt even go to clubs so why would anyone in a club or some party area call him let alone get his number

“yeah. who is this?” is what kageyama replies

“sorry to bother you at this time but you are the emergency contact of miss y/n l/n and i’m here to inform you that she is passed out drunk at (club location) so if you don’t mind please pick her up for her own safety”

without a second thought, kageyama agrees and grabs his keys to his car and basically pressed on the gas and zoomed at the said location

he doesnt even realize how worried he was til he noticed how his grip on the steering wheel was so tight his knuckles turned white

even if you two broke it off, he still genuinely deeply cares for you to this extent of picking your ass up at some club doing god knows what

kageyama has probably began overanalyzing the situation and thinking it was his fault on why you were acting like this

when he arrives at the club, thankfully you were still there with the bartender

you were slouched on the bar with shot glasses surrounding you

“i just miss him so much” you cried to the bartender. “i mean i gave him everything! he was my first he even took away my goddamn virginity and yet..” you paused, lips quivering, as the thought of kageyama breaking up with you replayed in your head like a broken record

“y/n” kageyama speaks up after eavesdropping at your little rant to the bartender

you whip your head up and lo and behold, it was the guy who broke your heart. the reason why you’re in this club for the 4th time this week

“t-tobio?” you stuttered, suddenly feeling sober

kageyama cringes at the sight. your hair was all tousled, your eyebags are prominent making it look like you’ve cried for weeks or you had no sleep

but he assumes you did both only making him guiltier

kageyama walks up to you and drapes his jacket over your exposed shoulders

“let’s go home yeah?” he says quietly. you don’t say anything but let him take you home

before you two leave the bar, he thanks the bartender for keeping you safe and sound by the time he arrived (tipping him of course)

you woke up with a killer headache the next morning on his bed with a million questions running through your mind

suna: 

you and suna had a rough breakup

there were a lot of unanswered questions and overall you two got toxic real quick just a little after suna went pro

you don’t even know why or how it happened

suna would suddenly come home all stressed and shit and wouldnt utter a word to you and the next morning he’d be back to the suna you once knew

this became a reoccuring thing where it all just piled up and boom! mf called it quits after YEARS being together

and because of this abrupt occurrence in your relationship,

(you’ve broken up a few times before this btw)

he seemed to be genuinely done with the relationship (for now is what you think lol)

so you were the bitter ex girlfriend

tweeting and sharing abt very obvious and shady things abt your relationship with suna n the such

when the twins found out oh boy were they in for a surprise

you kept posting abt being single and free and all that shit but everyone knows whats the jist anyway

you two will come back to each other eventually 

suna was also being bitter and lowkey started to talk shit abt ur relationship (only to the twins tho cs suna isn’t THAT bitter)

+ the twins know its bullshit anyway lmfao

cs u also talk shit abt suna to them 

back to the story !! 

you’ve posted something very uhh you know.. something that you know suna has to come back crawling to you

so you posted on your instagram story abt ur halloween costume for this year

ironically enough u and suna had this halloween pact where y’all would dress up as couple characters and everyone on the tl always found it cute but sadly for now you are single

so you posted a very sexc selfie of u wearing mai’s costume from rascal does not dream abt bunny girl senpai

suna obviously saw this and was salty abt how you looked like that WITHOUT him

so he was mad,,, at himself and at you for some whackass reason

and to deal with his anger, he resolved into practicing volleyball surpass his limits

(mf thot he was deku or smth) 

because of this he sprained his ankle rlly badly that he ended up on the hospital

and since he didnt bother to change your contact info, you were still the emergency contact

that means you got contacted by the hospital at 11 pm 

IMMEDIATELY you rushed to the hospital cs wtf happened to your (ex)boyfriend

and when you arrived at the emergency room, you see suna sitting on the bed with his leg elevated 

“whoops” is what all suna says when he watches you go through a rollercoaster of emotions

you didn’t exactly know if you wanted to cry, laugh or be angry at his situation

laugh cs mf deserved it for breaking ur heart

cry cs u thought something really bad happened to him

angry that he pushed himself too hard for volleyball

you sat next to him and waited for his doctor to tell you what happened and what needs to be done

the doctor basically tells you suna just needs to stay at home til his leg heals before he can start playing again and you just need to be with him to take care of him n shit

nothing much tbh

just missing a lot of practice and you being around again

something he genuinely misses but acts like he doesnt

on the inside suna was glad he just needs to stay at home cs that means he can destress for a little longer and that you were there, maybe he can get you back

[popurikat]

Newtmas essay when?

Finally getting to this, thanks for waiting, I needed to go over a few bookmarks. (Warning, this post contains spoilers from the MAZE RUNNER book and FEVER CODE book, so if you haven’t read either or yet and want the jist of my analysis; just know that in general the fandom interpreting Newt as gay before it was revealed on a twitter post was not just a random headcanon and that Thomas in general is portrayed to have very strong unconditional love for Newt throughout the series; and it shows. To the point that even the director for the movie has stated that Newt and Thomas have a strong bond and portrays that in the movies. I will also preface that I am NOT adding personal opinion anywhere here, these are just backings from quotes and how they are thus meant to be taken/read as. My words are taken as a reader who is currently reading Scorch Trials has yet to fully read Death Cure or Crank Palace.) Anways, without further ado at 3AM today, I’ll try my best to explain how even though Dashner tries his best to make Thomas have other, female love interests; he creates a not so subtle gay subtext for Tommy boy here when in the context of interacting with Newt throughout the lore. Apologies beforehand for any grammar mistakes along the way.

To commence, I am going to start with FEVER CODE, as its supposed to act as the story’s preface to the actual events that play out later. Newt and Thomas upon meeting each other describe their presence as “familiar” and or as a “long lost friend” and they genuinely hit it off from the start to the point that Newt is okay with having Thomas see him cry over the fact that he and his sister are separated since he is doomed to be WCKD’s control analysis as he’s the only one lacking immunity from the flare itself. Once Newt is done being emotionally vulnerable we get our first instance of his personal nickname for Thomas: “That’s the way things are Tommy,’ he said his voice not quite steady. ‘The world outside’s gone to hell. Why should we expect any different here? [...] He said it as if they’d been friends for years” (ch. 14).   An interesting note here is that Thomas doesn’t bother to correct him or stifle the moment by feeling that all this information was too much, he genuinely wanted to hear Newt out and is fine with seeing this side of him; if not slightly taken aback by how natural it is that they can converse about such aspects of their lives. In fact, Newt makes such an impact on Thomas that Thomas ends up that same night dreaming of him: “Throughout his shortened night, he dreamed of Newt and Sonya. Of Newt and Lizzy“(Ch. 14). The thing with Thomas though is that the idea of comfort and connection is very foreign to him as he’s been basically isolated all his life with only the adults like Ava to talk to and the one exception being Teresa as his only kid companion. So Thomas didn’t even think he could make others like him for being himself unless they were vital to the overall production of WCKD. Seeing this portion right before the end of chapter 14: “Alby, Minho, Newt, Teresa. Thomas had friends.” shows that Thomas really had to deep dive to see how he deals with personal connections and why he was excited about the notion of friendship. He could’ve been happy with just Teresa, but only fully cemented her bond to him as “friend” when his circle grew and these kids he got to hang with taught him he can be himself, a concept he didn’t realize was possible when all his life was dictated on what he was supposed to learn or do. It becomes especially clear just how controlled his life is with the aspect of sentiment when later on Teresa’s mental communication evokes physcial pain and fear in Thomas. I’ll get back to that later as its more of a small tid bit of Thomas’ view on his forced love interest, Teresa. And yes, I say forced because multiple sentences with Thomas have him even wish he could cease all communication with her. Moving on, let’s talk about mimicking for a second. As humans, we mimic as a behavioral response to become closer to the person we care about. It’s the reason why yawning or laughter is contagious and or why we copy the posture of the person we converse with face to face. Thomas is seen to do this the most with Newt’s quirks. I’ll give the example in chapter 15: “Newt has been promising them that he was saving something special, and he did that annoying zipped-lipped sign every time [...] the little light in his eyes showed he enjoyed every second of their torture” versus Thomas: “Thomas did Newt’s zipped-lipped gesture, and that got him a sharp poke in the ribs”. So, we know enough that Thomas’ mannerisms are developing as a sign that he wants to be closer to Newt and to continue this sense of playfulness they both enjoy from the other. This is the start of their budding bond and a clear indication that they hold each other at greater fondness than the rest through this unconscious copying. Through this copying, they also pick up on emotional cues the other lets up on. Newt is especially good at noticing small things like when Thomas is anxious or overthinking: “He was just shocked that with all their exploring, the others hadn’t already discovered it on their own. And there were supposed to be TWO mazes. How had Newt and his friends not stumbled upon either one of them? ‘Tommy?’ Thomas realized Newt was staring straight at him, eyebrows raised. ‘Sorry,’ he said embarrassed, ‘wandered off for a second there what did you say?’ Newt shook his head in admonishment. ‘Try to keep up, Tommy Are you ready to see the grat outdoors?” (ch. 15). Also in chapter 23: “Tommy?’ It was Newt, breaking him out of his thoughts. ‘I can see your wheels spinnin’ up there.’ He tapped the side of his head”. This furthers Newts perceptiveness on his friend and Thomas’ ability to pick out when he is being looked after. And they bounce off each other really well in that aspect. To the point that Newt can crack a joke he knows will land right on Thomas’ sense of humor: “Newt waggled his fingers in front of Thomas’ face [...] A laugh exploded out of Thomas’ mouth that sent a spray everywhere. ‘Sorry’ he said, wiping his lips on his sleeve” (ch.15). It’s enjoyable to know that at least at a surface level, they have fun together and can cheer the other up if needed or know when to ground the other to reality. It is also through these instances that as a reader I pick up that Thomas’ nervous ticks perhaps allude to an anxiety disorder he has; of which Newt is aware of and never puts Thomas down on for exhibiting. He in fact understands it and deals with it accordingly as he himself has a similar circumstance. SO, what does all this paying attention lead to? Thomas’ devotion to protect Newt. Yeah, thats right I said devotion. Thomas’ actions are influenced by his developed instinct to protect Newt at all costs. Here is the biggest example that comes to mind: “What in the world happened to Newt? -- Less then two hours later, Thomas had spliced together a series of camera clips [...] Thomas turned off the feed. He couldn’t take it anymore...Newt, Newt, Newt, Thomas thought, feeling as if the very air around him were turning black.”(ch.52). Essentially, Thomas seeing Newt plummet to his near death by falling from the maze wall as a result of Newt’s ongoing depressive state, this is the moment that makes Thomas realize WICKD isn’t as good as they seem and that he is going into the maze to save Newt. Its admirable how much self sacrifice Thomas does for someone he cares so much about, to the point that their name is like a mantra. Thats a sensible area of passion and fighting spirit for someone who is “just a friend”.    Oh and, the feeling of fondness is mutual mind you if I haven’t been clear. After experiencing the horrors of cranks for the first time, realizing Newt was not immune, and watching Newt until they entered the pits it has been months since they last interacted; this is their first reunion: “What’s up Tommy?’ Newt exclaimed, his face filled with genuine happiness at the pleasant surprise that’s been sprung on him. Thomas couldn’t remember exactly how long it’d been since he’d seen Newt. ‘You look bloody fantastic for three in the morning” (ch. 23). I need to preface this that Newt DOES NOT mean that sarcastically and that out of all the people in the room (Minho, Chuck and Teresa are there in this scene), Thomas only reacts this way specifically toward seeing Newt is okay and back.   The characters are also not afraid of being physically close. “Well, look who the bloody copper dragged in,’ Newt said, pulling Thomas into a big hug” (ch.31), “They shook hands, and then the two of them set off...” (ch. 31), and my favorite: “Thomas jumped at the sound, then stumbled. Newt tripped over him, and then they were both laughing, legs and arms tangled in a pile on the ground”(ch.32). I don’t think this far in the novel, Thomas has been AS (emphasis on as) comfortable with touch  with anyone else other than Newt. And thats a big step forward on the aspect of trust in a relationship, being able to be comfortable with the presence of another person enough to be as intimate with them as shown here.  And all this, is just fever code itself. Mind you this is not the MEAT of the novels as it came out later. But even without it, lets look at Thomas in Maze now, I’ll try to keep this segment a lot more brief. Here’s Thomas looking respectively at boys his age: “A tall kid with blond hair and a square jaw...a thick, heavy muscled Asian kid folded his arms as he studied Thomas, his tight shirtsleeves rolled up to show off his biceps [...] Newt was taller than Alby too, but looked to be a year or so younger, His hair was blond and cut long, cascading over his T-shirt. Veins stuck out of his muscled arms”(ch. 2). Thomas’ initial reaction to being surrounded by boys is to deeply analyze their rugged good looks and heavily emphasize their best physical traits. When reading this the first time, my mind immediately thought this boy at the very least is supposed to be portrayed as bi, especially when later down the line Teresa gets a similar descriptor: “...despite her paleness, she was really pretty...silky hair, flawless skin, perfect lips, long legs.” So right off the bat, we know that be it boy or girl, Thomas emphasizes how attractive someone looks in his eyes when he truly does have a sense of attraction to them. Case closed. Within the same chapter we get Thomas also immediately clinging onto Newt for a sense of grounding, it is now ingrained in him at this point that the boy is his lifeline, a person to rely on. “Thomas looked over at Newt, hoping for help.” And help he does, Newt in this chapter helps ease his worries, explain a general idea of what the glade is and even pats him on the shoulder a bit to ease tension. And Thomas doesn’t bat an eye in the same way he’s weary of literally everyone else. In fact, he’s eager to stay put with him as shown with; “If Newt went up there, then I wanna talk to him.” And if none of that seals the deal, we got early bird Newt being so touch starved he flattens himself next to Thomas to wake him up at the crack of Dawn in chapter 6: “Someone shook Thomas awake. His eyes snapped open to see a too-close face staring down at him, everything around them still shadowed by the darkness of early morning...’Shh, Greenie. Don’t wanna be waking up Chuckie, now, do we?’ It was Newt --the guy who seemed second in command; the air reeked of his morning breath. Though Thomas was surprised, any alarm melted away immediately”. This whole scene follows firstly by Thomas once again impressed by how strong Newt is and then Newt giving him a rundown of what everyone else was too afraid to show Thomas, the grievers. And you know, this scene could’ve ended well and everything as totally platonic, but then we have “Newt turned to look at him dead in the eye. The first traces of dawn had crept up on them, and Thomas could see EVERY DETAIL OF NEWT’S FACE, HIS SKIN TIGHT, HIS BROW CREASED.” Now, look me in the eye and tell me there is a hetero explanation on looking at your best bro like they are the sun reincarnated themselves. But let’s not hog all the homosexual undertones with Thomas here. Wanna know what Newt’s initial reaction to having a girl in the glade was? “It’s a girl,’ he said [...] Newt shushed them again. ‘That’s not bloody half of it,’ he said, then pointed down into the box. ‘I think she’s dead” (ch.8). It’s actually a stark contrast to the other gladers eagerly wanting to know her age, how pretty she looked, and calling dibs to date her; Newt isn’t interested in any of that, he’s more perplexed on her status and not even bothering to remark on her looks, he was the only one not to and even remarks a few other instances that girls are more Thomas’ domain. For instance, he makes a joke in fever code when Thomas remarks that the girls in the institution were going to tackle him down, Newt proceeds to point out sarcastically something along the lines of “wait, isn’t that YOUR dream though?” So Newt is pretty out spoken of his disinterest in girls, and his full admiration and attention on Thomas. Oh, and yes, Newt immediately switches over to “Tommy” the moment Thomas mentions he hates being called greenie, and once again it just becomes a thing between only the two of them. Newt is also the one to be straight forward about the whole Runners business. He warns Thomas about the dangers and doesn’t necessarily turn him down on his desire to be one, he in fact encouraged him to just wait until the right moment. “No one said you couldn’t, but give it a rest for now”(ch. 15). So once again, Newt is the voice of confidence and reason for Thomas to prosper. In turn, this time around Thomas is the one to catch when something is bothering Newt. For instance, “Newt chewed his fingernails, something he hadn’t seen the older boy do before...he was genuinely concerned -- Newt was one of the few people in the Glade he actually liked ”(ch.16). Interesting how we went from fever code “friend” to “like”. And also, when Newt explains his concern about the runners not coming back yet, Thomas pieces together how scared Newt is of the Maze without being told and goes to stand next to him as a physical presence to ground Newt as they wait near the entrance. In fact, this piece is trivial to understand why Thomas does what he does next. When everyone else had given up on the Runners still outside with 2 minutes left til closing, and Newt was escorted away from the entrance, Thomas waited. And when Thomas saw them, he yells to Newt, realizes he’s too far to do anything, and makes a decision himself. He KNEW how much Newt cared about his fellow Gladers, they were like family or “kin” as its said in the book, so what does he do? “Don’t do it Tommy! Don’t you bloody do it!’ ... Thomas knew he had no choice. He moved. Forward. He squeezed past the connecting rods at the last second and stepped into the maze”(ch.16). Yes, Thomas does this because of his empathy for the Gladers, but the chain reaction of Newt’s concern is what sets his decision in stone. And yet again, Thomas enters the maze for Newt.  And that’s pretty much the constant for the rest of Maze Runner the book, Newt just sticking up for Thomas and Thomas in turn just being happy that: “He was at least relieved that Newt was there” (ch.17). And thats basically their entire dynamic. Newt just going: “If you really did help design the maze Tommy, it’s not your fault. You‘re a kid -- you can’t help what they forced you to do” to ease the survivor’s trauma Thomas has, as well as saying “I actually believe you. You just don’t have an ounce of lying in those eyes of yours. And I can’t bloody believe I’m about to say this...but I’m going back in there to convince those shanks we should go through the griever hole, just like you said”(ch.51); and I think thats the most romantic thing to hear from him. Just right out being all for supporting Thomas no matter what happens as long as he stays alive and continues to fight, he doesn’t care about what happened before. And Thomas eats that up because it fuels him even more to seek out a means to escape for the people (Newt) that deserve a life outside of running from monsters forever. So essentially, I’ll state again, it’s always been Newt the catalyst for Thomas to run head first into the Maze and seek freedom. And with all this I can clear that these two are shown to if not be romantically involved, at least have unconditional love for the other that transcends the author’s original intention.  And with that in mind, here’s the thing with Teresa as a love interest. I can list here quotes of every time she mind speaks to Thomas and how that affects him, but then this would be too long. And this is a newtmas post gosh darn it. Teresa is gleeful to humiliate, control, hurt, and force Thomas to believe they’re in love. In multiple instances we get her barging into his mind unwarranted making him understand that she has full access to his inner most thoughts. Theres nothing romantic about that, and I think its why Thomas ends up being so perceptive to the smallest of gestures that allow him to think on his own and feel like his own person. Something I’ve seen Brenda do later in scorch, and something I��ve seen Newt do since the very beginning is that they allow Thomas to come to his own conclusions in order to create his own opinions on the matters at hand. Thomas’ love language revolves around words of affirmation. He likes it when people confirm his thoughts are valid and that remind him that WICKD can’t hurt him anymore now that he has the power to be his own person. This is where Newt comes in very handy. He allows Thomas to grow in ways his female love interests have yet to show, sorry Brenda but I’ve heard you were trying to unite all immunes together to the safe haven by the end and in a sense still only using Thomas to get by; I still think she was the better call than teresa of course and I have no remorse for Teresa getting smushed by a boulder. But essentially my point here is that, how do you fail to make your initial love interests clash so badly where one has no real care about the others well being so long as everything goes according to WCKD by using a form of gaslighting and manipulation? AND THOMAS HAS STATED HIS DISCOMFORT ON THIS MULTIPLE TIMES, but the narrative always erases these instances from his mind in place of pity for Teresa’s well being (as you can tell, Teresa through this becomes my least favorite character, I can rant about her some othe time though with proper backing). The narrative in turn treats it all like a joke. I understand there are scenes where Thomas is worried about her and looks out to make sure shes ok, but even then he doesn’t know how to react with mental images of her kissing his cheek or when she screams the next minute that she doesn’t know who he is or how hes speaking into her mind. And thats because they can’t properly communicate their emotions to the other, not even in fever code could Thomas give a forward answer if he loved Teresa or not, she just assumed. Come to think of it, Thomas really doesn’t show much affection to Teresa of his own accord. So then, how DOES Thomas show his affection? Thomas provides acts of service as his love language, if he cares about you enough he will risk his life for you. Why? Because Thomas values putting the people he loves foremost knowing full well they are what help him have purpose and succeed in continuing on. In a way, Newt and Thomas’ dynamic works in this instance because they balance the other out and because they have seen each other at their worst and at their best. In a way, that's why knowing the ending of the books makes it harder to accept that Thomas would just easily take the shot...when all his life clung to Newt’s survival. But that’s a story for another time where I compare the movies (of which let me make that clear, yes I prefer) over the books. For now just know that the book may have done this by accident, maybe not, but at the end of the day theres solid proof that Thomas and Newt care about each other in a way that is separately portrayed from their connection to the other glade members, and have this consistency of soft moments running through the entirety of the series. In conclusion; newtmas. Newtmas. NEWTMAS, etc.

[blewink]

heated // kth

warnings: dom!taehyung, sub!reader, fingering, daddy kink, cum play?, you get the jist

word count: 3.1k 

a/n: hi its been a while ! i hope you’re all still here, schools a bitch but i still love writing :) send in a request if you’d like :p also let me know if you’d like a part two bc i have many ideas

-blue

You always hated mock debates because your professor would always place you against your biggest competition, Kim Taehyung. Even though you two were on the same team, you both were top of your class since middle school and always trying to be better than each other. And oh so lucky for you, you were now at the same college and both on the debate team. 

“Ms. Y/N”- your thoughts were interrupted by your professor, who was sitting in the first row of seats in the empty auditorium. “You and Taehyung to the podiums please. Your first topic is global warming and how it affects the younger generation.” You were confident in yourself and usually you never doubted your senses. As you walked up to the podium, a chill ran up your spine, it was abnormally cold in the auditorium and the short uniform didn’t help you at all. 

The bright lights filled the stage, providing the slightest bit of warmth. You looked to the  other podium, seeing Taehyung already looking back at you, you scoff and roll your eyes, looking back down at your paper which you had already begun writing notes on. “Do either of you need more time to prepare?” Your professor asks, you both shake your heads in response, “Okay Taehyung you may begin.” You gulp, sure you were good but so was Taehyung, and his handsome face didn’t help you either- wait what?

“Global warming is an ever growing issue that impacts the entire world, but more so for the incoming generation, as they are the ones who will be needing to tend to the dirty world that the older generation left behind.” God he’s good. He continues, 

“The younger generation now has to clean the mess this older generation has left behind-��� 

“My opponent here is simply restating what he just said, so I’ll take it upon myself to continue. This younger generation essentially has no more childhood because they now have to come up with ways to make sure they have a livable future,” You take a short look at your notes, “A great factor causing global warming is carbon dioxide emission. We now see more of the younger generation taking this into consideration and we see more of them riding a bike or walking to places rather than using a car.” 

While speaking, you can feel Taehyung's eyes burning into your body, making your cheeks heat up. You glance at him and he’s biting his lip, making you quickly look forward to your professor. He always did this, trying to make you flustered and make you trip on your words. It worked the first couple times but you eventually became accustomed to it, this time being no different. 

A couple minutes passed and the debate went smoothly, however it took a heated turn at some point and you two were practically at each other's throats. This topic was something you were very passionate about, as it was the whole reason you were going to school for. So when he mentioned that big corporations' emissions levels didn't have a real impact on global warming, you were quick to fire back at him. 

You completely ignored everyone's looks at you as you were eager to make sure Taehyung knew he was in the wrong. You were quickly interrupted by your professor, “Y/N that's enough, your point was proven. Please take the rest of the hour to calm down in the rest area in the back room.” He points behind you and you quickly apologize and make your way behind the curtains and into the back hallway.

You hear some mumbling behind you and footsteps following yours. You turn and of course, it’s Taehyung. “Hey y/n, you good?” You take a deep breath before answering him, “Yeah I’m good, just what you said wasn’t right.” You finally make it to the back room and lay across one of the couches in the room. You hear him sit on the couch just across from yours. “How could I be wrong though? I did my research and it said that big companies don’t contribute as much CO2 emissions as common people.” Is he really still on this? You were getting pissed off, “Did you really come in here just to piss me off more?” 

You sit upright to face him, he has a smug look on his face, meaning he was up to no good. “Baby, you have got to loosen up, you’re too cute when you’re all flustered.” He gets up and walks to the door and locks it before walking back over to the bookcase. Your cheeks flush at the pet name, “You’re not doing this to me again,” You get up and walk over to him, “You’re not gonna pretend to flirt with me just to distract me from the debates.” 

His fingers trace the book spines, making you wet you panties a bit, fuck you and your stupid hand kink. He hums, “Well, for one, the debate is over and there's nothing to distract you from. And second,” He pauses and faces you. His arm wraps around your waist and pulls you close to him, your faces are meer centimeters away now, “Who said I was pretending?” Your eyes are wide and you can’t believe a word he says. You back away from him, laughing, “You’re kidding right? Alright who set you up to this?” 

He laughs at your response, his voice dips lower than usual, “You are so oblivious, aren't you baby?” The pet name and his deep voice make your knees feel weak and you let out a small whimper. You quickly cover your mouth and pray that he didn’t hear that. His movement freezes and you look over at him, he laughs again, “Did you like that? Hmm?” His eyebrow cocks up, but you stay in place and quiet. 

He walks toward you and you step backwards until you feel a table hit your lower back. He presses his whole body against yours and brings his lips to your ears, “I asked if you liked what I said, I’m gonna need a response from you.” You nod but it seems to not be enough for him, he grabs the backs of your thighs and pulls you up and places you on top of the table. His hand reaches for your chin and he forces your eyes to meet his, “I need you to say yes or no, do you understand pup?” The new name makes your knees impulsive close but his body between your legs blocks them. “Yes.”

“You need to tell me if you want to stop because if you don’t, I won’t. Do you understand me?” You quickly reply ‘ yes.’ His lips dive into yours, his saliva tastes sweet and his tongue deepens the kiss. His hands quickly untuck your dress shirt and he carefully unbuttons it, his hands travel to your breasts. He gives them small squeezes, making you moan into the kiss. You pull away and unclasp your bra, revealing one of your biggest secrets, your nipple piercings. 

You earn a gasp from him and your face goes warm, “No point in being embarrassed baby, you’re absolutely stunning.” He ducks down and sucks on your nipples, which were hypersensitive. You’ve soaking through your panties at this point, he stops his actions, “Wait, do the piercings make them more sensitive for you?” You nod, forgetting the vocal rule, which it seems he did too as he continues his actions. His teeth lightly tug at the barbs, making you moan. You slap your hand over your mouth, remembering you aren’t too far from the main stage. “No no no, I wanna hear baby.” Feeling careless you move your hand away. 

He pulls you off the table, eager to hear your noises again, “Take your skirt off for me baby” You unzip your skirt from the side and let it drop. He removes his tie and dress shirt and he unbuckles his belt, quickly ridding himself of his pants, leaving him in only his boxers. His cock was very visible and pressed against the fabric of his boxers. “Lay on the couch for me.” You do as you're told. 

He comes up to your face and quickly kisses you, he moves to your neck, then trails down to the hem of your panties. He spreads your knees apart, and traces the wet spot on your panties, “Awe did my little pup ruin her panties?” His finger barely grazes the fabric on top of your clit, “Only because of daddy’s words.” You both freeze and you immediately start to apologize, “I’m sorry let’s just pretend-” He stops you, “No it’s okay. Daddy likes the name.” He winks at you and pulls your panties off. 

He drags his finger down your slit and slightly presses into your hole. The teasing makes you whine, “More daddy.” He looks back up at you, “Tsk tsk, we must not have manners huh?” “Wha-” A hard smack to the side of your ass cuts you off. You let out a choked moan, “Mmm little pup must like that.” He pulls your hips up and turns you over, on top of his lap. His hand rubs your ass before he gives another hard smack. He gives about five more before the pain turns into pleasure. “Look at you such a little mess, your poor little pussy is leaking all over the couch. Such a dirty little pup aren’t you?” You finally realize your pussy was indeed leaking, your inner thighs felt cold and you felt yourself dripping. 

“Please daddy, touch me.” His hand was now cupped over your cunt, “Thank you for using your manners, where would you like daddy to touch you?” You press against his hand, “Clit, hole anywhere, please” Your voice is barely a whisper, but he complies. You’re still laid over his lap and he spreads your legs apart and rubs your clit with small and slow circles. “I wanna see your little cunt leak some more, that okay with you baby?” You nod your head, “Yes daddy.” 

His movements slightly increase in speed, making your body shake in pleasure, you feel more of your juices leak out of you. “Fuck baby, you get so fucking wet, all for me isn’t that right?” “Yes daddy, all for you.” He plunges two fingers into your needy hole with ease, you immediately clench around him. His fingers fuck you at a moderate pace and he then adds a third and soon a fourth. His fingers are long and press against your sweet spot. His other hand rubs your clit, “So close, keep going” His fingers keep pumping in and out of you, “That’s it baby, cum for me. Make daddy proud.” His words send you over the edge, your orgasm pummels your body. His fingers ride you through your high, he pulls his fingers out, leaving you feeling empty. 

You sit up back on your legs. You notice the obvious wet spot on the couch, Taehyung gets up and rids himself of his boxers. He sits back down and pats his lap. You notice his size now, he’s long and thick but you know you can take him. You straddle his lap and you can already feel the tip of his cock pressing at the entrance of your cunt. “Take it when you're ready,” You want to tease him so you take his cock and rub the tip along your pussy, coating in your juices. You bring it back to your hole and you lower yourself slightly onto the tip, barely taking him. He’s quick to notice your teasing and gives a slight smack to you ass, “Don’t be a brat, take the cock like it’s yours-” You lower yourself completely, cutting him off. 

His hands immediately go to your waist and you moan because his cock is pressing directly on your sweet spot, you whisper into his ear, “Holy fuck, I could literally cum right now you’re so big.” Your sentence ends in a squeak as your body shivers. Your cunt is still completely stuffed with his cock, you lift yourself slightly and fall back down. His grip tightens with every time you come back down, “How the fuck are you still so god damn tight? Did I not prep your little cunt enough?” You shake your head, “No you did fine, just fuck me” 

He flips you onto your back, “Oh I’ll fuck you alright.” His hips immediately snap against yours, the fast pace makes you hold onto his shoulders. Your whimpers and the sound of skin slapping fills the room, “That’s right, such a good pup for me. Taking my cock so well aren’t you?” You nod. He brings his lips to the side of your neck, sucking lightly and licking. He grabs one of your legs and brings it to the side of him, his cock goes deeper than before and abuses your poor sweet spot, “Gonna cum.” His cock pumps in and out of you, “You gonna cum all over this cock aren't you baby?” Your nails dig into his skin and your body buzzes. 

You feel something wet splash onto your inner thighs and look down, “Did you cum?” you ask, a little confused. “Not yet baby, that was you. You can squirt?” A shocked expression covers both your faces, “I guess so, no one has ever made me cum like that.” A slight blush fades on your cheeks until you realize he still hasn't cum. He grabs your hips as though he’s ready to get up but you whisper in his ear, “I want you to cum in me.” 

Not a second passes and his hips snap against yours, giving you a hard thrust deep inside you, making you shiver in overstimulation. He continues and his grunts get higher in pitch indicating he’s close. You purposely squeeze around his cock and say, “Fill me up, please, I’ll do anything. Please-” You gasp as you feel his hot seed spill into you. He doesn’t stop until he milks himself completely. He pulls himself out and his seed quickly follows after, and you quickly lift your hips, attempting to avoid making a mess on the couch under you. 

He quickly gets up and heads to the bathroom on the other side of the room, grabbing some paper towels, wetting a few. He quickly walks back and places some under your bottom, you assume he’s going to wipe off your cunt but he pulls your hips down, making his cum spill out of you. You shiver at the sensation, but Taehyung’s fingers quickly spread his cum all over your cunt. He scoops a bit from your leaking hole and he brings his fingers to your mouth, you comply and suck his fingers clean. “Good girl.” The praise makes your cunt squeeze, allowing more of his seed to spill out onto the paper towels. 

You then feel a cold towel wiping between your thighs, cleaning up the mess created. “Jesus, I’ve never had a load this big, I swear, sorry it’s such a big mess sweetheart.” There’s genuine concern coming from his voice, making you blush a little. “It’s fine, you don’t have to worry about that.” He cocks an eyebrow up but his eyes are still glued to your cunt, “So my baby’s taken loads this big before?” You close your thighs out of embarrassment, but Taehyung’s quick to open them back up, “Answer the question.” You shake your head, “Not by a guy, I just have toys that do” 

The confession makes your face burn red and Taehyung hums and quickly finishes cleaning you and the couch up. You both quickly get dressed as best you can before Taehyung continues the conversation. “Listen I do like you, like a lot. I’m not trying to make this a one time thing.” You feel relieved knowing it wasn’t a one time thing, knowing someone like him doesn't come around too often, “Well it’s a good thing I’m not either.” He grabs the sides of your face and kisses you gently on the lips. You kiss him back and let your eyes flutter closed. It’s more intimate than the ones before, you’re the one to pull away for air. His lips are pink and covered in saliva and you can assume yours are too.

“So what are you doing after this?” You’re still trying to fix your skirt, by flattening the front, “Well nothing really, just the tournament tomorrow” He grabs your hand and interlaces his fingers with yours, “How many toys do you have baby?” You bite your lips and it takes you a second to recall you every growing toy collection, “Quite a bit.” He hums, seems like he likes doing that, “Well why don’t you take daddy to your apartment and do a little show and tell for him, hmm?” Your cheeks go red again, despite him already having been balls deep inside you. “What exactly do you mean my show and tell?” He brings you closer to him, “You tell daddy about your toys, then you show me how you use them.” You’d never shown anyone your collection before, but it made you excited. You quickly opened the door and tried to walk as quickly as you could back to the stage, as it was the quickest way back to the parking lot. You weren’t expecting anyone to still be there but your professor called out your name just as you two were about to leave the auditorium. You quickly turn to Taehyung to ask him, “Did you give me any hickies?” His eyes widen and stare at your neck. Amazing, how lucky could you be. You quickly pull your hair out of your ponytail and try to cover your neck. “Hey Professor Yu, did you need something?” She comes closer to you before saying, “Did you and Taehyung figure things out?” You quickly nod, “Yeah it was a simple misunderstanding.” Taehyung quickly interjects, “You could say she just needed to scream it out.” Professor Yu’s face twits in confusion, “Well good, I can’t have my two best kids at each other's throats. Speaking of, you look like you might have bumped into something there.” You laugh it off and say it was just make up you were trying out in the backroom, which for some reason she believes. “Well, I’ll see you two tomorrow morning at 7am sharp. You two have fun until then.” She turns away and Taehyung quickly shouts, “Don’t worry we will!” You jab your elbow into his side, “Jeez could you be more obvious?” He laughs at you but drags you out by the arm to your car, “We better get home quick, it’s gonna be a long night.”

[askintothevoids]

Mistakes.

TW: very implied internalized homophobia, unsatisfactory ending, pining, bad feelings, kissing

Patton might’ve missed on what Logan was particularly talking about, but he could stare. He was a picture perfect definition of a sap, well, a clueless sap as Roman would put it.

‘God his eyes are gorgeous, they’re like dark chocolate.’ Patton thought, ‘if he moves under his lamp a little more, I bet I could see the bronze sparkles in his eyes.’

Though, a deep full bodied voice would interrupt his thoughts.

“Patton?”

“Huh? What, what is it?” Patton uselessly blabbered.

“Shit, I’ve been droning on for too long.” Logan guiltily apologized, “I’m boring you, aren’t I?”

“You must be kidding me then, Lo! I could listen to your voice for days!”

Patton lovingly smiled as he did for all of his friends.

“Wait- wait, I didn’t mean-” Patton yelped, once more making a fool out of himself.

“You could?” Logan’s voice dropped to a whisper, rumbling like a quiet storm.

‘He moved under the lamp. Gosh it’s like the night sky over there.’

“I mean-..yeah, I could.” Patton gulped.

Logan shifted, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh, well, um..” Logan’s pale and boney hand set on top of Patton’s, “Thank you.”

Patton shyly giggled, his heart rate picking up.

“Well it’s true. Your voice is just, so deep.” Patton sputtered, “You’re welcome.”

A comfortable silence surrounded them while they sat on Logan’s bed.

‘Is it crazy to think he's just gorgeous? No, no, I’m not gay, I just think he’s a good looking guy is all. Right. Right. Right?’

Patton turned to look at Logan again. The aforementioned gentleman had moved closer, their thighs were pressed together. He felt his breath hitch, watching Logan’s eyes follow the contours of his face.

“Salutations.”

Patton moved closer.

‘God forbid.’

The knees shifted together like a neatly crafted lattice.

“Hi.”

“This is a bad idea, isn’t it?” Logan hummed, his face completely red.

“It’s a pretty good bad idea.” Patton offered, equally as nervous.

Logan’s hand came up to the side of his head, twirling a piece of Patton’s hair. His face had gotten a bit closer.

“Um, we really shouldn’t Patton.”

“But we could.” Patton backed off a little, suddenly realizing what he said, “That is if we’re thinking the same thing.”

“We could be.”

Logan leaned back, running his hand through his thick brown hair.

“I mean, aren’t teenagers supposed to..?”

“Do bad ideas?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t even think about it. Patton’s hands found their way to Logan’s waist, gripping the black fabric of his polo. Logan grabbed him by the collar of his letterman, his eyes wide and brimming with excitement.

“I mean, it's just a little mistake..” Patton mumbled, “Just a little mistake, please?”

Patton would’ve told you he didn’t know what he was in for, but he did.

“Well, then,” Logan’s hands tugged on his collar, “Oops.”

Logan’s arms shot around his neck, and as Patton’s settled on the middle of his back. To be perfectly honest and straightforward, they kissed. This was Logan’s first kiss, being a queer kid in Logansport didn’t exactly settle well so his options were vague.

This was strange.

Patton hadn’t exactly realized something. The way his heart rate sped up, or how fond of Logan’s looks he was. He figured this was just how people felt about their best friends.

His father would kill him, if he found out about this.

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked!” Logan apologized, releasing Patton from his grip, “I know you don’t swing that way.”

Patton pulled him back in, holding him in place.

“I don’t. I really don’t.” Patton started, “But I mean, I kind of liked it.”

Logan’s eyes light up once more.

“Um, you did?”

“Yeah! I did,” Patton laughed, “Maybe we could do that again sometime.”

“I’m free in the next second.”

Patton rubbed Logan’s tie between his fingers, feeling this unnatural sort of ache in his chest. He kind of liked it though.

“That’s great! Oh-!”

I doubt you’d want to hear about those next 30 minutes, but it ended with them on the crappy roof outside of Logan’s window. Logan’s tie was gone, and he had Patton’s letterman around his shoulders.

“I love you.” Patton said, staring at the dark night sky, “You’re my best friend.”

Logan nodded and a silent pang of pain stung in his lungs.

“I love you too, dude.”

The words felt dumb and dishonest on Logan’s tongue.

“Chris asked me out the other day.” Logan mumbled, “I think he’s a little dull but, it's not like I have many options.”

Patton nodded, a silent pang of jealousy stung in his throat.

There really isn’t a resolution to this story. If you’re reading this, you know the jist.

They danced the same tango for years.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though I realized something was never discussed, with our time coming to an end in less of a year or so.

Logan fell in love first, but Patton didn’t until much later.

Logan’s feelings would somewhat fade into his early twenties, while Patton’s would grow that bit stronger.

The void reminded Logan’s of his feelings, and Patton’s new found freedom truly brought their feelings back into the mix.

Half the time, I can’t remember who kissed who. Half the time, I feel some sort of remorse for something not quite there.

Our time together is ending, Ms. Mary. I say these things, and you never seem to see what they mean to me. Our time is ending, and I’m scared.

Emptiness is the most consuming feeling, I’m afraid.

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Rebirth and Rewrites

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warning: Language, mentions of self harm, antidepressants, mentions of injuries, violence, anxiety attacks, depressing thoughts, mentions of parental neglect, self destructive behavior, mentions of weapons, mentions of bounty hunters, allusions of sex.

Word Count: 8.5k

Songs: dRuGz- Willow Smith, Money- Leikeli47, Only You (And You Alone)- The Platters, and Moonsickness- Penelope Scott.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this. Feeling like you’re disconnected from your body that is. Like in the Edge of Seventeen when Nadine says she gets this feeling like she’s looking down on herself from outside her body and she hates what she sees. That’s sort of how it felt. But this? This felt entirely different like I was in the wrong body but retained my soul, it couldn't be explained. It requires no explanation really if you understand it then great and if you don’t you don’t. ”

A/N: Sorry this took so long school got too be a bit much things are kinda slow but now they’re starting to get interesting. 

Series Masterlist  Previous Part   Next Part 

The shampoo bottles flew wildly around the bathroom along with everything else that wasn’t bolted down. I tried my best to put everything back in place but the second I’d put one thing down another thing was moving back up towards the ceiling. 

“No, no. No stop!” I spoke as if the inanimate objects would listen to me and stop moving. 

Fuck. No stop. Please.

Everything was swirling in a tornado like fashion above my head. I ducked down into the bathtub and just waited because it had to stop at some point. Right?

“Y/N?” I heard Carmen call. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I don’t think I’d have been able to speak if I tried. 

“Y/N open the door please” She asked softly followed by the sound of the doorknob rattling. 

I didn’t hear anything else for who knows how long could’ve been a second, 30 minutes, an hour I couldn’t tell. The door was slammed open. Startling me. Everything froze in the air for a few seconds before falling.

“Are you okay?” Carmen grabbing my shoulders. 

I nodded and shrugged her arms off me. Pushing myself up to stand on my legs. It was then and only then did I realize I was shaking.  

I opened my mouth to speak when there was a chime almost like the sound of a microwave. It felt like my eyes had zoomed out above my body. An aerial camera view. 

What I was experiencing was an out of body experience in the past. Like some Ebeneezer Scrooge type shit or a Raven Simone moment but backwards. 

I was shaking my hands flexing at my sides. Except for it wasn’t me me, it was another version of me passing off as another person that I could see full body.  

“Oh are you going to cry?” Heaven taunted. 

I watched as I blinked tears out my eyes. Anyone else would see this as a moment of weakness. However, I know I cried when I got really angry. And I mean really angry. Like rip your heart out, chew it up and spit it out angry. 

“Shut. Up.” I breathed looking down at my feet. 

“And what if I don’t you wanna snitch on me? Cry?” 

I knew the jist of what happened next. I was there when it actually happened. I beat her ass and got suspended. I just didn’t remember exactly how it happened or what exactly I did. 

The girl was still running her mouth but I wasn’t paying attention to that. I was watching her hands and her stance. That was something Wade taught me to watch someone’s body language, that way you could know when or if they were about to swing at you. 

 I threw a sharp right hook knocking Precious’s head into the locker. Right as Precious was about to go for my hair I was falling. 

The floor fell right from my feet and the scene that was once in front of me faded away. I wasn’t falling for long, my back slammed into the cold cement beneath me. 

“I thought you were supposed to be a good guy,” I laughed “Now you’re kicking me around for no reason at all?” Wait. I remember this. Why was it happening again? Why wasn’t it in the third person like the last? This was a core memory for me. My first encounter with Spidey. 

“You were stealing. It’s my job to stop crime,” 

I knew exactly what to do and say. I’d have to run over this like a practiced script. I pushed myself backwards with my hands. 

Oh yeah and who’s paying you to do that?

“No one, is I’m just a good person,” 

“Am I not a good person?” 

A cold sticky wet feeling engulfed my wrist. 

“You are a criminal and deserved to face the proper punishment,”

I rolled my eyes and grunted as I tried to pull my wrist out of whatever it was holding me to the ground. I used to think the webs actually came out of him which is disgusting. 

“Yeah, yeah sure can you hand me my bag so I can leave?” I teased.  

“Y/N!” A random voice called out. That wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“What was that?” Spiderman or Peter asked. I looked around trying to locate the voice. I heard my name called again before the only thing I could hear was a loud crack. 

I looked underneath me and the ground beneath my feet was split down the middle. I tried to pull my arm out of the webbing harder this time. The floor continued to split like a crack in a windshield before eventually consuming me and I was falling again.

As I was falling everything looked so beautiful. There were glowing orbs of light all around me. It was completely black except for the stars and orbs. 

It was then that realized I wasn’t falling anymore. It was the opposite. I was floating or stiled in place.

 I wanted to touch one of those bright spherical orbs I probably shouldn’t but I was going to do it anyway. I reached out towards it and my hand glided smoothly through the air. Or not air? This is space right? There’s no oxygen in space. Then how was I breathing?

My hands went straight through the orb leaving behind the same fire like ribbons from a few days ago and earlier today. The waves were fluid. They felt like nothing. Like a breeze maybe. Something that could possibly tickle if you endured enough of it. 

A large energy surge shot out the orb knocking me back. At least 100 feet once my arm was all the way through. It didn’t hurt though it was just strong. 

When I started moving back towards nothing in particular it felt like I was swimming. I began to laugh, I felt so free. 

 Multiple rings opened around me. I was circled with gold rings shooting off sparks. They looked like portals. To where I don’t know. There were some that looked like fiery pits of hell. Others were very colorful like a rave or rocky terrain. 

There was one that was calling me for some reason. Something told me to stop resisting the pull to stay where I was but I knew I couldn't. I pushed through the air. Well I guess I pulled myself towards it instead of pushed. I slid through like a knife through butter.

The first thing I felt was the coolness of the porcelain bathtub on my back. My head felt as if it was expanding inside my skull.  

I stepped in between all the shampoo bottles and hygiene products on the floor making my way out of the bathroom. I entered the living room not prepared to see Tony and Peter sitting there on the couch with some person I’d never seen. Who looked straight out of a Men in Black movie. 

“Oh shit.” I turned to Carmen grabbing her arm and dragging her down the hal l“What the fuck did you do?” 

“Where were you?” She answered my question with her own. Well two can play that game. And I believe I asked first. 

“What’d you do? Why'd you call them? Or if you didn't, why are they here? It was just a few bottles, I had it under control,” 

“I was freaking out that’s why! Where the hell were you?” 

“What are you talking about? I was in the bathroom. You saw me,” 

“You’ve been gone for 7 hours Y/N!” 

“What?” I shook my head. “No. What are you talking about?” 

“You’ve been gone for 7 hours and your eyes are glowing. What the hell is going on with you?” 

I pulled out my phone opening it to the camera app and my eyes were in fact glowing. I blinked very hard multiple times. Shaking my head until it cleared. What the fuck is happening.

I sent Peter, Tony, and the Agent J wannabe on their way with a few lies to clear the air. I’m sure Tony would want to play more of his mad scientist game on me but that’s a problem for another day. I was just going to read my book until I fell asleep. Last interaction I had with another human that day was Carmen patting my shoulder and saying “Welcome to the world of mutants, girl. Buckle up it’s a bumpy ride.” before walking away.  

I swear to whatever’s out there that I’m losing my mind. Like full on shave your head and move to New Mexico crazy. I’d open that can of worms later. 

“I don’t think I can love myself without sexualizing myself is that bad?” I asked, applying my lipgloss.

“I don’t necessarily think so, it’s common but if it gets out of hand, it can create lots of other problems,” MJ gave her input.

“Oh I definitely know all about the problems it can cause I just can’t stop, ” 

Carmen strolled into the bathroom. 

“Where’s the thing?” 

“What thing?”

“You know the,” She did a hand movement that I somehow understood. It wasn’t even remotely connected to what she was trying to convey either. 

“Oh! The face paint. It’s under the cabinet by Salem’s food bowls,” 

“What?” MJ questioned. “How did you get face paint from that?” 

I just shrugged. 

“I don’t know. We’re like connected or some shit,” 

I sat on the couch, Halloween playing on the TV but no one was paying attention. We were all on our phones. 

“Alright,” I sighed, pushing up from the couch. “I should be done at like 9 so that gives us like 11 to get there,” 

I promised my sisters I’d take them trick-or-treating. It’s been like this forever and I wasn’t going to back out now. Sapphire was actually dressed as Spiderman and for some reason I couldn’t tell if that made me wanna laugh or cry. Didn’t even know they made costumes for that guess that whole being sponsored by Tony thing was coming in clutch. 

I don’t know how it works anywhere else but in New York you gotta go trick-or-treating on the street. Everything is private property and you can’t just get buzzed in just for candy so you go in publicly owned places. 

“This is the last store for tonight, I gotta get back” I informed them.

Sapphire whined and I wrapped my arm around her pulling her into my side. 

“Cmon’ little superhero,” 

I stepped off to the side towards Aaliyah.

“For your sake I would not let her eat much candy if any tonight,” 

An half hour later and I was back at Carmen’s house. I really need to find somewhere else to stay. It's been too long here. 

After what felt like a million hours Harry finally showed up. 

“I’m driving,” I claimed moving towards the apartment door. 

“No you're not,” He stated.

“Oh really? Then why do I have the keys.” I lifted the keyring rattling it around. 

He let out an aspirated sigh. I could tell he wasn’t going to fight me on this. I'm sure he was just confused on how I even got them. 

Now there were two reasons I was driving. One because I had to make a detour and two I didn’t want to sit in Harry’s backseat because God knows what has happened back there. 

Back to the detour. It was Peter’s apartment complex. I'm surprised he agreed to come. had just brought it up to be polite. It was well known that parties weren’t really his scene. 

Harry held his hand out, palm facing up. There lied about seven bars. I’m honestly surprised he was sharing willingly. That was new. 

 Bri and Carmen as well as myself had no qualms about popping the xans. MJ didn't take any, just shook her head when offered, which I’m glad she’s too smart for drugs. So is Peter which is exactly why I pushed Harry’s hand away. Giving him a look daring him to even think about offering anything to him. 

Everyone had split up Carmen with MJ. Bri to honestly I don’t know where and Harry to I don’t think I want to know where. And Peter? He’s with me of course, couldn’t leave him by himself. 

“Where’s Ned I haven’t seen him in a while,” I decided to speak because I couldn’t stand the awkward silence in this bedroom I’d somehow backed myself into. 

“He said he’s been to one party this and that fits his quota for the year,” 

“Well I would’ve thought Liz’s thing met your quota too but here we are,” I could feel my brain slowing down and smiled slightly. Then I noticed how far away Peter was on the bed.

“You can get closer, I won’t bite,” I hummed. “Unless you want me to of course,” 

“What!?” He almost shouted.

“I’m kidding dude, calm down,” I laughed. The room fell into silence again save for the sound of the music vibrating throughout the house. I miss real house parties. But oh well this party where I wasn’t actually doing anything would have to do.  

“Just realized I never asked. What are you dressed as?”

“Han Solo,” He replied as if I was supposed to know who that was.

“Who?” I scrunched up my eyebrows. 

“You don’t know Han Solo?” 

I shook my head. I’m sure it looked a lot sloppier than I meant for it to be I just couldn’t really move my head

“From Star Wars?” He tried again.

“The only people I know from Star Wars are Princess Lelia, Luke Skywalker and that one robot motherfucker.”

It was hard not to smile as Peter rambled on about the Saga. I wasn’t really paying attention but he looked adorable. I was just staring at him and I’m sure if Harry or Carmen were here they’d tell me I looked like the embodiment of the heart eye emoji. It’s not like I liked him or anything he was just cute.  

That was until my burner vibrated against my lower leg. I used my arms to push myself up, excusing myself to take the call. 

“What’s up?” I asked. 

Wade’s voice boomed from the phone. 

“I know a guy that knows a guy who knows-“ He cut himself for the reason I could only assume was because of the crashing noise coming from inside the house. 

“Are you at a party?” 

“No,” I lied for no reason he wouldn’t care if I was.

“I’m not stupid just call me back when you’re not flirting with some fuckboy or high,” He choose to emphasize the last word. 

“I’m not high,” I’m not sure who exactly I was trying to convince. 

“You’re literally slurring right now. Don’t drink and drive kid,” 

“What?” I laughed at his attempt at a lecture or a safety tip whatever that was. 

“Don’t laugh, I'm trying to be a responsible adult. I think it’s about time.” 

I couldn’t remember when or how I got back inside but here I was surrounded by people with music bouncing off the wall fading in and out of consciousness and I had never felt more alone. It was kinda pathetic.

“I’ve never understood that calling people daddy shit it’s fucking weird-“ I cut my rambling off pushing my face against the car window enjoying its coolness. “English is the most unattractive language, like it’s so tame and dull and…” I trailed off letting my head fall back down as I lost control over my neck muscles for a second. 

“It’s just like- I just wanna be able to say-“ I sighed before starting up again “Vous avez l'air très attirant ce soir. Les choses que je te laisserais me faire,” 

I looked away and everyone besides MJ was looking at me with wide eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was because she was driving or the fact I knew she spoke French. 

I realized it was definitely the latter when she spoke back in the same language. 

“Was that directed as a general thing or at Peter?” 

Thank God no one else understood us. I mean it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal I’d just have to endure a bit of teasing but it’s better to avoid the headache. 

“So are you going to let us in on your conversation or…” Harry questioned.

“Shut up,” I spoke to both Harry and MJ. “Drop Peter off first,” That was the last thing I muttered before falling deep into the vast clusterfuck of a land that is my subconscious. 

When I woke up I was on Carmen’s couch with a blanket draped over my waist. I clumsily reached for my phone just texting the last person I texted. To stimulate my mind.  

you: hi are you awake 

I couldn’t help but laugh at how much this seemed like a u up? text but this was in a completely different context. 

It took a minute but he responded.

p😜🤚: yeah are you okay?

you: im fine just bored 

p😜🤚: oh

p 😜🤚: well we can talk if you want too 

I couldn’t help but smile. Ugh what’s wrong with me. I knew better than to ask this because I wasn’t trying to catch feelings anytime soon but my dumbass did it anyway. 

you: can we ft

p: sure 

He apparently did see the cuts on my leg that one time because he just asked me about it. To which I  denied, denied, denied. Salem did it and that’s final. I only did it once anyway so who gives a fuck I’d gotten the urge to do it under control. Like I’d heard somewhere before there’s a difference between thinking about hurting yourself and wanting to hurt yourself. 

“You’re sure you’re okay though?” He asked one last time and I nodded my head. “Okay because I know all these changes in your body can be-“

“Changes?” I interrupted “Why are you making it sound like puberty,” l laughed. I wish I could convince myself whatever these mutations were are just puberty.  

“You know what I mean!” He let out a small laugh.

“Okay but puberty is really weird, why do humans need so much sweat,” I attempted to shift the conversation onto something that wasn’t my physical and mental wellbeing.

 Either Peter could tell I wasn’t going to give him shit or I really was just the master of getting out of things but it worked. I eventually fell asleep and when I woke up he was still on the phone.

“So you’re sending me to bounty hunt a bounty hunter who’s bounty hunting Mr. America?”

“Exactly,” 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve heard all day,” 

“Hey you asked me to help you be grateful you little asshole,” Wade teased.

“Fuck you,” I laughed. “How long do I have?” 

“Two weeks top.” 

I hummed before hanging up.

Now the question was to do this alone or to bring someone else. I definitely haven’t been in the most stable of headspaces lately. There could be up to 4 Avengers and 1 bounty hunter. I’d have to be smart about this. I can’t believe that I’m about to say this but I need a plan. 

-Step one: Find Carmen and make her make a plan.-

Step one: Convince Tony to let me go on a solo mission. Giving me a reason to dip while having a whole buncha cool technological weapons at my disposal.

Step two: Disable the tracking in the weapons provided. 

Step three: Get a car.

Step four: Follow bounty guy to wherever they’re going. 

Step five: Take out the bounty guy. 

Step six: Talk to Captain America.

Step seven: Find Thor from Captain America. 

First I’d have to get out of detention. I would’ve been fine with detention if I had my phone. I don’t even know why I’m in here actually. I hadn’t gotten in trouble in a while. I was confused until Tony strolled into the room. Why couldn’t he meet anyone in a normal location just once. He always had to fucking abmush people. 

I had to hold back from rolling my eyes. 

“Yes?” I asked. 

“You said you were up for a solo op right?”

I nodded skeptically. 

“Well I have one for you next Friday,” 

“Go on,” I moved my arms under my torso to rest under my chin. 

It was just a simple drug bust in and out. He must’ve been really bored to go out of his way to try and stop something as miniscule as this. Probably didn’t think it through when he signed those accords. Now he literally can’t do anything without the whole world jumping his dick.  For now he’s living vicariously through Peter and I’m assuming. 

A simple drug bust isn’t something you really need to get ready for. Trying to find and possibly have to fight one Avenger let alone possibly 4 is something you have to be more than ready for. In every way possible. Including mentally.

“I think I want to go back on antidepressants,” I blurted, plopping back down on the couch with a bag of chips. 

“You’re being serious?” Carmen asked, pausing the TV.

“Yeah I mean what’s so surprising about that?” I unpaused it.

She paused it again turning towards me. 

“Why? What happened you said you hated all the side effects and would never take them again,” 

“Guess I changed my mind,” I shrugged “I just told you cause I know you know how to get them ‘s all,” 

“Okay.” She nodded and I could almost see her brain working behind her eyes. 

One thing about long term friends is they know when you don’t want to talk about something and they also know when they need to drop it. In the click of a few buttons on a keyboard I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. The fact she knew my insurance information is kinda scary though. Apparently I passed the test to get crazy people's medicine with flying colors. 

I was in Queens for many reasons, one of them being I wanted to spar with Felicia. She is not a sparring person she likes to fight but only when she has to, but I was able to convince her. It didn’t take much actually. She owes me after all 3:1.

She was sorta similar to Black Widow in fight styles and she was hard to beat.  With Captain America it’s easy, his fighting style is easy to evade, if I just avoid the shield and go for his legs I’d be good. Spiderman doesnt shield his left side when he goes to hit you and relies on his webs too much. Wanda she- I don’t know what she does actually but if I can get her to physically fight me instead of using powers I could easily take her down. That Falcon guy uses his legs a lot so aim for the wings. 

But Black Widow was agile. The strongest of them all because she doesn’t use strength you can tell from the videos I’d been analyzing she movies like a ballerina. Her fighting style is to not have one at all. 

I mean it was scary how similar she and Felicia were; they even both have Black in their name and suits. Despite neither of them being back which is funny. 

I was laid out on the panting. I rolled over onto my stomach grunting as I reached for my knife. I wasn’t done at least not yet. 

I slung my arm towards her and this time she didn’t catch it. I barely grazed her but it was enough to catch her off guard. I was able to get her pinned to the ground for like 15 seconds. 

“Remind me to never get on your bad side,” I laughed.

“You could never,” Honestly I’m starting to believe that. Even when Olivia and I broke up she never got hostile towards me or anything. And her being hostile towards me is not something I’d enjoy. 

I’d have to be the clumsiest “agile” person I’d ever met. I fell walking down the steps to get back outside. I rolled and landed on my ankle but I’m sure it’d be fine. It only caused a slight discomfort when I put pressure on it. I’m just glad I could walk like this without having Felicia on my ass about it. 

I was already in the area so I decided to stop by Peters house just to see if he was home. Okay in all honesty, I wasn’t really in the area Felicia lives in an entirely different part of Queens. But he said I could stop by whenever and I’d like to say I’m a literal person. 

I winced when I put my foot all the way back down on the ground but I didn’t want to be interrogated. Peter does not know when to drop things. 

“Hey,” I spoke once he opened the door. 

“Hey?” He asked more than said as if he was surprised I was here. 

He just stood there staring for a few seconds too long.

“So can I come in? Or...” I tilted my head. 

“Oh,” He shook his head slightly as if shaking out his thoughts. 

“Oh, yeah come in,” He stepped out of the way. 

We both sat with our legs facing each other on his bottom bunk. Suddenly I became aware. 

Aware of the way I could feel all the fibers in the polyester blanket I sat on.

Aware of each sound around me, the slight wind just outside the window, the faint TV show I could hear from the apartment on the floor above, the air conditioning rattling. 

Aware of how I didn’t remember who I’d been or how where or why. 

Aware of how I had a purpose, how I should look to the sky for answers and when I could not look to the light I must look into our heart. The one collective heart we share. But I could not remember who we were. I wasn’t meant to remember who we were or what we were.

I wasn’t supposed to remember not yet. Not now. But soon or maybe never. They'll never take my power, even if I didn’t understand it yet. It was mine and mine to keep. 

Aware of the faint whisper of my name rang through the air. 

I didn’t appreciate the headache and tightness in my chest this awareness or insanity brought me. I needed a distraction. Not sure why this was the first thing that popped into my head but it was. 

“Your suit can record things right?”

“Yeah why?” 

“Does it record everything it’s around?”

The whispering only got closer and closer. My name being called out with a sense of urgency and grief. I couldn’t see. There was a difference between adrenaline and anxiety and this wasn’t the later. Something was seriously wrong and I had no idea what to do about it. Finally the voice got so loud it could not be ignored.

“Y/N!” I snapped my eyes up and tried to calm my breathing. 

“What?” I asked with more hostility than I intended. 

“It’s just you zoned out and started muttering something. It freaked me out,” 

I had to hold back from showing my confusion on my face. 

“Sorry,” I murmured sheepishly. I don’t know why I felt the need to apologize. It's like I was a walking ball of grief, guilt, and shame but it wasn’t my own. 

I’m not sure how long we sat there in silence before I felt the impending urge to escape but as soon as I put pressure on my foot the shock of the pain shooting to my leg wasn’t able to be concealed. I winced quietly but I know he heard me. 

In two seconds flat he was pestering me trying to figure out what was wrong. I ignored him and suddenly the fraying on the shoelaces of my combat boots was extremely interesting to me. 

“It’s nothing Peter, drop it,” I walked towards his closet. 

“It’s not nothing,” He sighed moving towards me. “Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” 

Because if I told you then you’d tell Tony and I’d get taken off the solo op.

I just looked up at the ceiling and decided to change the topic with something I knew would get the target off of my back. 

“Why’d you never get me arrested?” 

“Huh?” He raised his eyebrows scrunching up his face.

“All the times you came after me as Thorn. You always let me get away, why?” 

“I don’t know. I just couldn’t see you get arrested I guess.” 

I hummed to his answer letting my hands roam through his closet. I picked up a pair of Hello Kitty pajama pants.

“When’d you get these?” I asked. 

He snatched them from my hands.

“Haha go ahead and make fun of me for them. Mr. Stark gave them to me.” 

I simply smiled.

”I was just going to say they were very cute actually ’m sure you looked adorable, but okay,”

I glanced back at him and his face had a light pink glow.

“You’re blushing!” I pointed out laughing.

“Am not,” He lied.

“Are too. I can tell you aren’t used to getting compliments,” I smiled. “That’s too bad though you deserve plenty of compliments,” I looked back up at the ceiling and noticed an attic or trap door. I hopped up a bit and his suit fell down as I hit the door. 

“How does everyone keep finding that?” I heard him ask.

“It’s a very you place to put it that’s why,” I mindlessly answered back.

“You heard me?” 

That’s snapped me out of whatever trance I was in. 

“What? Was I not supposed to?” As soon as the sentence left my mouth I heard a scream.

“Somethings wrong,” Peter announced. So he heard it too?

I felt drawn to it. Like I knew them or something. 

“Uh…” I stalled “I have to go. Sorry,” 

“Okay text me when you get back home,” He rushed out since I’d moved away so quickly. 

I was sure I was limping but the pain wasn’t as prevalent in my mind as the screaming was. I followed it as if it was a compass. I followed it to the middle of nowhere. It was just dry grass and about three trees caged by chain link fences and abandoned buildings. 

Whatever came over me faded as soon stepped off the sidewalk. The screaming subsided into nothing and it was like a tight grip around my chest slipping away. I’m really losing my mind oh my god. 

I couldn’t sleep. I sat in the bathtub all night focusing. I found when I focused hard enough I could move some of the things. It isn’t so much about imagining where you want something to go it was about believing it was already there. It hurt my head to do it though. I only moved about three things 4 inches. 

It was a possibility that I was going through a psychotic break or I could’ve really been moving things with my mind because of whatever radiation was in my body. A few days ago I apparently disappeared after there was a tornado of shampoo bottles flying around. Maybe I did that subconsciously somehow. 

I mean gamma rays literally invented the Hulk wherever he was. Who knows what they were doing to me. 

I eventually fell asleep halfway on and halfway off the couch. How I even got there in the first place I wasn’t sure. I upped the times I needed to go to the gym a day to 3 times. That would’ve been fine. I didn’t have like 50 missing assignments to turn in before the end of the semester. Which is in 2 weeks. 

It didn’t help that I felt like something bad was about to happen. Don’t know what but I feel it coming. I hummed to myself. Okay now back on track. It comes in handy to have smart friends, especially ones willing to help you get your work done. 

“Why are we at the park?” Peter asked as I tucked my legs back to swing even higher. 

“Because if you do work in an unusual place you get it done faster.”

“I’m not sure that’s tr-“ 

“It is true don’t question me,” 

“We're not even doing any work right now,” He pointed out. 

“If you swing higher than me we can start.” I knew he wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.

“Oh, you’re on,” He replied, putting both his hands on the swing’s chains. 

He didn’t beat me. I let him win because I got tired.

“Yeah right,” He laughed. 

“I did! You wouldn’t of won if I didn’t stop, I let you win out of pity” 

I actually managed to get 3 whole assignments done. School can be kinda fun when you have a teacher who doesn’t try to make you feel stupid. It’s way easier when you have the energy to try at all.

 You never realize how much walking you do in a day or how excruciating exercising is until your leg hurts. I was going to let it stop me though. There’s a reason people say walk it off to injuries. 

The entire structure of my plan had failed. Somehow, someone probably Peter, told Tony that I got hurt and I got taken off the solo op. 

After 30 minutes of me being annoying as fuck I got put back on. Only problem now was Peter was coming as a safety precaution.

Step 8: Figure out how to ditch Peter.

Fuck my life. Although everything else was falling apart I’d manage to get 40% of my assignment turned in. 

Friday came in a blink of an eye. I’d be the bait and Peter would just be the lookout. I wasn’t planning on going through with whatever I was supposed to be doing here. I just needed to disable the tracker in my communicator. I guess I was thinking straight because I didn’t hear or even see the guy move behind Peter. Not until I heard him call out.

“It’s a set up!” 

There was one thing I didn’t have to think about and that was running. It was my expert tactic. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to leave Peter. He might think he can take care of himself but he was too naive for his own good. 

“Wait!” He called out and I stopped behind an empty building.

“Do you trust me?” I asked.

“Yeah but why-“ 

I interrupted him.

“I need to do something really important and Tony can’t know about it,” 

“Now you can go back but you can’t say a single thing about this to him. Just say the mission went wrong and I decided it was safer to ditch or something.”

I could see the conflict in his eyes.

“No,” 

Fuck. I felt my burner vibrate in my pocket. It was probably Carmen asking where I was. 

“No?” 

“Yeah cause I’m coming with you,” 

“I can’t ask you do to that,” 

“I know but I’m coming or I’ll tell Mr. Stark,” 

I knew he probably wouldn’t but I couldn’t risk the slim chance that he would. 

“Fine…” I breathed out. I didn’t have anytime to argue I’d just ditch him somewhere. 

I saw him quietly cheer. Clearly not understanding the severity of the situation. This wasn't some Vulture thing, this was very highly trained individuals. 

I dialed Carmen again.

“Hey… So we’ve got a plus one,” 

“What?” 

“You’ll see,” 

We were in the car for 12 fucking hours and we still weren’t there. I never realized how much Peter talked until now. We had no form of entertainment besides the radio. Carmen pulled over at a gas station so we could switch off and partially because Peter said he had to use the bathroom. 

While he was still inside Carmen spoke up for the first time in what felt like weeks.

“Why’d you bring Golden boy along?”

“Cause I didn't want him to get shot,” 

“Yeah I understand that part. Why didn’t you just like knock him out and dip,” 

“What why the fuck would I do that,” 

“You would’ve done it to anyone else. You’re getting all soft,” She poked my side and I flipped her off. 

“How’s that for soft?” As soon as the sentence came out of my mouth I heard the click of the door opening and it startled me a lot more than it should’ve. 

The rest of the ride was silent save from Peter asking home much longer we had to go before falling asleep. It was about 12 pm by the time we got there. After shaking both Carmen and Peter awake I headed up to knock on the door. 

A girl who looked about Aaliya’s age answered the door.

I smiled at her.

“Is your dad here I have to ask him something,” 

Now I knew for a fact he was here he was on house arrest. I was looking through the videos Peter’s suit had recorded and I found this giant guy at some airport in Germany who I was able to trace back to Scott Lang. 

That one guy who transferred all that money out of Vistacorp back to its consumers. It was pretty badass as far as nonviolent crimes go. 

I could see her playing my question over in her head deciding if she’d have to lie or not. I’m assuming she saw something somewhat trustworthy in me because I was sitting in his house on his couch. Trying to convince him to help me.  

“So let me get this straight. You have telekinetic and fire powers and had a dream that you believe is prophetic and you need me to tell you where Captain America is?” 

“Pretty much yeah,” 

“Okay uh wow,” He claimed standing up. I could tell he believed me. There wasn't a hint of distrust in his eyes. Which is good because I wasn’t lying.

“I want to help you, I do. But-“ 

“You don’t know where he is do you?” 

“No not exactly. I do have something though.” He replied standing up off the couch “Hold on let me get it,” He went rummaging around his house because coming back about a minute later. 

“No luck?” Carmen asked as she read my facial expression. 

I shook my head.

“All he gave me was this,” I held up the plastic plaque. 

“What are we even looking for anyway,” Peter asked. 

I could see Carmen shaking her head signaling me not to tell him. I didn’t. He’d find out sooner or later. I think we were too far from home to ditch him now.

“So are we paying or are we saving the cash?” Carmen asked.

“We can just save it probably let me go check,” 

The hotel was empty for the most part. Multiple rooms to choose from. It was always easier to make a get away if needed from the bottom floor and I chose to break into the one closest to the exit. 

“I call showering first,” Carmen spoke. 

I just waved her off plopping onto one of the Queen beds placed next to the air conditioner. Peter was just standing in the corner like he was nervous or something. 

“First “road trip” or something?” I teased.

“Kinda…” He trailed off as something caught his attention. “Are you ever going to tell me where we’re going,” 

Might as well.

“To find Captain America,” 

He looked like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Wait you’re being serious?”

“As a heart attack,” 

“I don’t think he likes me,” He looked down as he fidgeted with his hands. “I kinda stole his shield,” 

“So I’ve heard,” I giggled. 

I checked the communicator and the bounty hunter we were supposed to be hunting down was still in the same place. This could mean 1 of many things, either the tracker on them is broken or has been found, they found him already, or the whole communicator was broken. 

“Alright I’m done,” Carmen emerged from the bathroom. 

Peter being nice like he always is let me go next. Sometimes it concerns me how nice he is. Like he was planning something just like Canadians they all seem so nice but they’re just as racist as everyone else. But now I’m starting to believe he's just genuinely that good of a person. 

Which is refreshing. You don’t see too many good people nowadays. However the better of a person you are the more room you have to taint. And I knew for a fact I wouldn’t allow myself to be one of those people who did it. 

You know when you’re dreaming and there’s something or someone chasing you and you try to run but you never can. I would say that’s me, my entire essence. I’d been trying to out run my demons for so long never realizing that my only demon was myself. And no matter how bad I wanted to, I couldn’t outrun myself. Trust me I’ve tried. 

I couldn’t outrun the sudden ache moving throughout my body. I could always feel an anxiety attack right before it happened but remained powerless to stop it most of the time. 

Streams of water ran over my body mixing with the warm tears that ran down my face. I’m sure the water pressure overpowered my sobs from outside of the room but that didn’t mean I couldn’t hear the pathetic sounds. 

After my breathing went back to normal I stood in the mirror detangling my hair staring at each mark on my body. Whether it be a tattoo or scar or a mole I looked. I reminisced about the stories behind them, some a lot sadder than the rest. But somehow the marks I couldn’t remember were the saddest of them all.

It hurt to want to go back to life before everything went… just wrong, when you couldn’t even remember what it was like before then. 

It’s like I was numb before and crying felt good. Well it didn’t feel good but you know what I mean. It just felt good to know I could still feel.

I heard a knock at the door shaking myself out of my spiraling thoughts. I sniffled, wiping my nose, before tightening my towel around my waist and opening the door.

The first thing that hit me was the cool breeze of the hotel air conditioning contrasting against my warm skin. The second was Peter looking confused as ever holding some form of cloth in his hands.

“Oh I’m sorry, was I taking too long?” I looked back towards my clothes sitting on the counter grabbing them as if I was about to exit but in reality I still had no clothes on underneath this towel. “You can go hold on,” 

“No! Uh…”

“No what?” I smiled. 

“I came to bring...” He waved around what I could now see was a shirt.

I simply raised my eyebrows at him suspiciously.

“Here,” He thrusted the shirt into my hands. 

I looked down at the article of clothing in confusion.

“Thanks?” 

“I know you left it out here so…” He awkwardly clamped his hands together. 

“Thank you,” I replied, slowly shutting the door so he knew he could back off. For some reason I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. 

Smiles never lasted long for me. Something weird just always manages to happen every time I’m even remotely happy. 

I was in some form of a prison or detainment facility. There was thick glass everywhere so I’m assuming it was high security. I had the plaque from earlier today in my hand except it wasn’t my hand. Unless I have magically turned white, it was someone else. 

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this. Feeling like you’re disconnected from your body that is. Like in the Edge of Seventeen when Nadine says she gets this feeling like she’s looking down on herself from outside her body and she hates what she sees. That’s sort of how it felt. 

But this? This felt entirely different like I was in the wrong body but retained my soul, it couldn't be explained. It requires no explanation really if you understand it then great and if you don’t you don’t. 

The plaque had a seam that I hadn’t noticed before and it was hollow inside. I clutched in my right hand and kept walking.

 As soon as I entered a large room extending from the hall. That all too familiar siren sound played through my ears as a bright light stunted my vision. 

I was brought back to my body. Well I guess I just woke up because now I was all sweaty and sitting straight up on the bed like an idiot.

 I made my way to the bathroom and the light made me realize my eyes were glowing and so were my veins. I just blinked it out like I was trying to put contacts in and washed my face. 

Seriously what was happening to me I don’t want to end up like Hulk or Wanda and have everyone scared of me. But whatever this is couldn’t be controlled or understood. 

I woke the others up, as I was trying to figure out how to open the plaque I heard Carmen hiss loudly.

“Why’s the doorknob so hot?” She turned to me “Did you do this?” 

“No? How would I do that?” Maybe I did do it. I did lose my train of thought when I went to open the door. 

Still doesn’t explain the heat part, maybe it had something to do with the fire thing from Staten Island but I hadn’t done that again since that night. I was honestly starting to believe I made it up. 

I reached for a napkin to wipe the syrup off my hands. It was Carmen’s brilliant idea to stop at a Waffle House. All the time we spent here could’ve been used doing something actually productive. 

“So why are you trying to open that?” Peter asked, sliding closer to where I had the plaque laid out on the table. He asks too many questions. I didn’t wanna respond but I didn’t wanna be mean.

“Because,” I grunted as I struggled to pull apart the top and bottom. “I had a dream that there was something inside and now I wanna see if that’s true,” 

“A dream?” He questioned.

“Yeah a dream,” 

“Who was in it?”

“No one was in it,” I started to get annoyed for absolutely no reason. “Just finished your food,” I pointed at his plate.

“Fine…” He slid back over. 

I hit the seam of the plaque against the edge of the table and the bottom popped up. I let out a silent cheer and caught the attention of Carmen.

“What?” 

I flipped the opening over my palm and a rolled up piece of paper came out. 

“Look what I found,” 

“A clue,” Peter spoke.

“It’s not a clue this isn’t some TV adventure it’s just evidence,” Carmen spat. 

I unraveled it revealing a bunch of numbers. I think it’s either a phone number or coordinates. It wasn’t a phone number. I called it and some random Canadian person picked up. So the next option was coordinates.

“Are we sure this is the right place?” Carmen asked. Looking at the stranded house sitting some way down the street.

“If it’s not then oh well,” I shrugged, unhooking my seat belt. 

I leaned down to the slightly cracked passenger window. 

“Do not get out of this car.” I spat through my teeth. Neither of them knew how to listen and I had to let them know I meant business. 

I started towards the house, the gravel crunching under my feet before I turned back again.

“I mean it!” I called out before sprinting back into the house. 

The door creaked open as I pushed it open and I turned back to keep it from closing. The second I did it I knew it was the wrong decision to make. Literally anyone who knew anything about anything knew to not turn their back on unknown territory.

  I was being restrained by some invisible force that wasn’t invisible for long. There were scarlet or crimson waves making my tingle.

 It was more of a tickling feeling than a burning one. That feeling faded into another soon. I clamped my eyes shut, it felt like someone was using my head as a bowl using a spoon to try to scrape my brains out.

 I ended up overpowering whatever force was holding down my arms to hold my head. It was excruciating putting my hand there only made it worse. As soon as I made contact with the skin that loud siren noise like nails on a chalkboard racking through my brain caused me to double over in pain. I saw two legs above me and I heard someone’s voice saying.

“Wanda? What’s going on out there?” 

My vision blurred as I tried to swat at who was allegedly Wanda Maximoff the telekinetic girls legs. The one person I didn’t want to run into was over here melting my brain. I pushed myself up. I think I couldn’t really feel my muscles. I know for a fact my back hit something or maybe something hit my back. 

I heard more footsteps nearby and hushed whispers followed by a who are you and what do you want. I probably would’ve answered if I could but I don’t think I had the current ability to form a coherent sentence. 

“She doesn’t look like one of theirs. How do we know she’s here to hurt us?” I heard someone say. 

“I don’t know I can’t read her,” A voice I hadn’t heard before spoke. 

“What’s that mean?” 

I was stuck in place again. I couldn’t really see and I could feel anything but the tearing of my brain in half and the presence of another body in the room. My eyes were closed but I felt them get closer to me. Too close for my liking. My eyes shot open as soon as I heard. 

“Y/N?” 

I tried my best to lift my head to meet the redhead's eyes. 

“You know her Romanoff?” I heard the first guy from before speak. 

“Sort off?” She shrugged and reached out to pull me up to a sitting position. I let her. 

Romanoff. This was Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow. She was here with Wanda along with who was most likely Captain America and she knew my name. 

“How-“ I swallowed some of my spit because of how dry my throat is. “How do you know my name?” 

She answered my question with a question of her own. 

“How’d you find this place? Most importantly why?” 

“I asked you first,” I narrowed my eyes. 

She had the audacity to chuckle at my statement. 

I glared at her which turned into some sort of staring contest until it was interrupted by some wannabe comedian.

“Are we interrupting some family reunion here or…” 

I flipped off the general direction of the voice off on instinct. 

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious​

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

After Christmas With A-Yuan

I want to talk about New Years but when typing it up I realized I really wanted to talk about the day after Christmas too. So I split them up into two separate posts. So I’ll start with the 26th. I went to sleep holding 2 of my favorite people but woke up tragically alone. I could tell I’d been re-tucked into bed with care. I remember the feeling of someone shifting and A-Yuan mumbling and snuggling closer. The press of a kiss against my temple? But I may have been dreaming. All I know is that I woke up alone. 

Well not entirely. As he often does, Lan Zhan had placed Suibian on the bed with me. She’s the one that woke me actually. She was snuffling up by my nose, her own twitching against mine as her fur tickled my skin.

“Mmm good morning” I mumbled at her, making her hop around quite excitedly once she realized that meant I was awake. I laughed and sat up carefully to make sure I wouldn’t squash her and beckoned her closer again.

“Do you know where my boys are?” I asked her once she was close enough to pick up. She twitched her nose at me and, of course, didn’t answer. So I told her we should go find them together. (Bunnies don’t usually like to be held from what I’ve experienced. They’ll tolerate it for a while but it makes them nervous. But Suibian never seems to mind so long as I’m the one holding her. Maybe it was because I kept picking her up as she was growing up ((Don’t wanna say when she was a baby because she still IS a baby.)) Oh… maybe she only tolerates it because she’s still so young? Oh I hope she doesn’t grow to fear it. D: I’ll have to make sure she feels extra secure because I love taking her around with me. Anyway. Tangent. You all know to expect it by now)

I swung my legs out of bed and padded out of the bedroom only to be hit by a wall of smells and the sound of kitchen stuff clinking together quietly. I closed the door as silently as I could when I heard A-Yuan giggling and what sounded like Lan Zhan  gently shushing him. I poked my head out of the hall to take a peek and found Lan Zhan was very carefully handing A-Yuan a tray of food that was clearly meant for me.  A-Yuan had almost taken it when he looked up and saw me. He yelped and shoved the tray back at Lan Zhan, who managed to keep 99% of it from spilling, and rushed at me. 

“No Xian-Gege! You’re supposed to be sleeping!!” he said, clearly frustrated that his plans had been ruined. I laughed as he started to physically turn me around and push me back to the bedroom. 

“Oh? But what if I’m not tired anymore?” I asked just to be difficult, resisting him just enough to make him put some effort. The boy went to a nearly 45 degree angle trying to shove me forward. I glanced back to smile at Lan Zhan who had set the tray to rights. He smiled back and I decided to stop teasing A-Yuan who had started to whine a little. 

“Alright! I’m going! I’m going!” I said. I heard A-Yuan telling Lan Zhan to wait a moment before he ushered me back into bed. I set Suibian down on the floor to hop where she wanted (the squirming and teasing was a bit too much excitement for even her, though she didn’t try to escape until she was a safe space from the floor. I trusted Lan Zhan would plop her back in with Bichen which he did so it worked out) and climbed into bed obediently. A-Yuan climbed on next to me so he could kiss my cheek and tuck me in before scurrying off with the order for me not to move. 

Another moment and Lan Zhan and A-Yuan were back in my line of sight, A-Yuan carefully carrying the rather over-laden tray over to me only for Lan Zhan to help place it as I sat up again.

“Good morning, Xian-Gege!” A-Yuan chirped as if he hadn’t just reprimanded me into diving back under the covers. I decided to play my role correctly, which wasn’t too hard because I was honestly feeling very warm by the exchange. 

“Oh! What’s this? Breakfast in bed??? For meeee????”

Okay the look on A-Yuan’s face told me I was over-selling it so I just grinned at him and laughed, opening my arms for a careful hug. I let him go and started to ask if the two of them were planning to join me only to find Lan Zhan had left and was now returning while holding two more trays of food. 

Not nice to flex on a 7 year old, Lan Zhan. Come on now. XD

It took a bit of maneuvering and there were a few very near calls but we managed to get all three of us in bed with the trays of steaming food over our laps. 

Blueberry pancakes and eggs and sausage (for me and A-Yuan anyway), toast and hashbrowns. Complete with orange juice and a glass of water. Entirely too much food that was absolutely completely consumed to the last crumb. 

It was… it was so domestic and.. Warm and… My chest aches with it even now. I want that. I want that forever. It felt like the three of us were a real family! And.. and after what A-Yuan said at his birthday party… Okay that’s for later. We’re doing this in order!

As we worked through the mountain of food I suddenly realized-- When had Lan Zhan gotten a third tray? It was possible that he’d had it but only ever pulled out 2 before but this one didn’t match the others. The tray that was given to A-Yuan was a bit smaller (which was good because we were PUSHIN it with the trays on the bed) and covered in little bunny prints. I tapped on A-Yuan’s tray and asked Lan Zhan when he’d bought it. He replied that he had picked it up this morning since he was out anyway. 

“You… went out already? And came back? And cooked breakfast???” I asked, somehow still surprised even though I KNOW very well by now that he wakes up at the ass crack of dawn. 

He just nodded and smiled at me. “I had to get a few things and I didn’t want to disturb you two.”

I flopped back on the bed with a whine, rambling about how they were spoiling me so rotten and how we should be pampering HIM instead because he’s already gotten so much done that morning and must be tired and blah blah blah. I don’t listen to myself most of the time so I can’t tell you all what I said but you get the jist. 

Lan Zhan smiled. I mean. I know he did even though my arm was dramatically over my eyes. I could feel it in his ‘mn.’ 

“Don’t laugh at meeeeee,” I whined which just made him more amused. A-Yuan patted my knee consolingly and told me I should finish eating before my pancakes got soggy. 

A brilliant lad. Top of his class. Couldn’t be prouder if he was my own son. 

Ahhh dreams. 

Gotta work on one dream at a time. Not gonna compound it right now. 

Once we had finished our feast, I insisted on carrying the trays back to the kitchen and cleaning up since they’d gone through all the work making and delivering breakfast. Lan Zhan got a… complicated look on his face at that and I know where his mind was going. I softened and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I hadn’t forgotten our talk from the other day. I wasn’t going to go overboard.  He seemed to understand because he relaxed and nodded at me. 

I only did a basic clean up for the time being, promising to take care of the rest of it later. I think that reassured him further. 

Not gonna lie, part of me really really wanted to reach for the bottle of cleaner again. My fingers twitched a bit but I resisted. I left a bit of mess and went to sit with my boys in the living room. 

Knowing and doing are two different things. And that was admittedly harder than it should have been. But the way Lan Zhan looked at me…. Suddenly it was the easiest thing in the world. 

The three of us digested while watching something ‘family oriented’ on TV which just gave me MORE feels to be shelved for now. It ended up with Lan Zhan shuffling closer to me while A-Yuan somehow draped himself across both our laps. I saw Lan Zhan stroking A-Yuan’s hair out of the corner of my eye and it just melted my heart further. 

After a couple episodes of… whatever we were watching (A-Yuan apparently had been watching this for a while and wanted to keep going so we indulged him. But I have NO idea what the hell it was)

The moment… it was honestly perfect. It had even started to snow outside. I could see the big fat flakes floating lazily down to earth from the large window. I don’t know what we were watching but it wasn’t too obnoxious. I felt Lan Zhan slide his arm around me as he kept petting A-Yuan. The two of them looked about as content as I was. Warm and close and comfortable. 

I.. I really want that moment to be my life. That forever. That is paradise. 

But then, as all good things are wont to do, the moment ended. But it wasn’t a sad ending. It was a new beginning. 

A-Yuan had shifted after his show had ended and looked up at Lan Zhan, asking if it was time yet. I had no idea what he was talking about but Lan Zhan seemed to consider. He looked at his watch, then nodded with a hum. Apparently this was the correct response because A-Yuan whooped and basically just RAN to the kitchen. 

I looked at Lan Zhan, completely confused, but instead of answering my silent question he just smiled and offered his hand to me. Never one to miss THAT opportunity, I took that offered hand and let him lead me to the kitchen where A-Yuan was pulling out… cookie cutters?

“We have to make the batter, first,” he reminded A-Yuan, making the boy pout a bit. “But you can mix the dough” was enough to get him back into his chipper spirits. 

“Batter…?? Are we making.. Christmas cookies? A bit late for that, isn’t it?”

“Never too late!!” A-Yuan protested. And who am I to argue against that?

“There was a rather good sale on the cutters when I was out so I thought perhaps A-Yuan would enjoy it.”

“You thought right!” A-Yuan chirped happily before asking what ingredients we needed. 

I helped gather the ingredients. Various white powders, eggs, butter, vanilla and so on. With my hands in the rather sorry state they were still in I let them handle putting everything together and mixing it up (safer that way anyway. Even with this, part of me wanted to add a bit of spice to the mix. Sweet and spicy go well together! And I think it’d make an interesting cookie! Maybe I’ll try that on my own some time) but I got to roll it out for cutting. 

And then I discovered that when Lan Zhan saw there was a sale on cookie cutters he had apparently decided to buy one of each. There were tons! Even some repeats because of buying some bulk packages of them as well. But that’s okay! Can never have too many snowmen!

Cutting out the shapes was so much fun! We let A-Yuan pick out most of them but even so. I stepped back and let Lan Zhan put them in the oven though. I’m.. getting better but hot stuff still makes me nervous sometimes. 

Actually it’s really frustrating! It wasn’t even the kitchen where the explosion happened! It was my bed area. They’d intended to get me in my sleep. It really really was only luck that my explosion went off after a delay. It was probably supposed to go off at the same time as the other one and if it had…

I think Lan Zhan noticed my thoughts starting to spiral again because suddenly he was in front of me. He brushed my cheek with his thumb, either wiping off some flour or putting some on. He gently guided me to look at him and smiled even more softly at me. “I’m here,” he said, his voice low and careful. I smiled back and covered his hand with mine. 

“Are you okay, Xian-Gege?” asked my suddenly acquired new ankle weight. I must have looked quite bad because apparently A-Yuan noticed too and latched himself to my leg. He doesn’t do that as much as he used to when he was little (though being with A-Ling seems to bring that out in him again). I reached down to pat his head and smile at him too. 

“I’m fine,” I promised to him, then again to Lan Zhan when I saw him still looking at me. “I promise.”

And I was. The moment had passed as quickly as it had come and suddenly I found I really was okay. I hugged them both and thanked them before asking what we wanted to do while the first batch cooked. 

Lan Zhan pointed out they would only be in the oven for a few minutes which surprised me. I always forget how fast they cook. Blame it on making them SO rarely. And that I don’t cook may be another factor. Hah. Ah well. 

We stood around and chatted while we waited and before I knew it the timer dinged and Lan Zhan was switching them out for the next batch.  I don’t know if A-Yuan or me was more impatient for those cookies to cool, but Lan Zhan said that the frosting would just melt off if we didn’t wait for them to be at least room temperature. 

I pointed out that maybe I wanted a melty snowman he didn’t know. But he gave me a look so I sat on the bar-stool I’d pulled up and pouted sulkily.  A-yuan climbed up onto his own stool and sulked with me.  Lan Zhan was pointedly NOT looking at us which made it really hard to  hold the pout for wanting to giggle instead. A-Yuan and I shared a look and we both almost broke, but I managed to just re-exaggerate my pout and he copied my expression. 

I had just started to implement an old, tried and true method of mine of making a quiet whine noise that very slowly increases in volume when Lan Zhan finally declared that we could decorate them now. With many whoops and hoorays A-Yuan and I set to our task (A-Yuan still on his stool so he could have easier access to the counter. He’s already 7 but still a bit small for his age if I’m honest.) 

The two of us decorated our little hearts out while Lan Zhan stayed in charge of swapping out the cookies in the oven. Eventually, though, he ran out of cookies to cook so I tried my luck at getting him to join us in the decorating. 

He seemed rather reluctant but I’m nothing if not persistent. “Come oooooon, please? I wanna eat a cookie that Lan Zhan made!!” 

I think that’s what finally convinced him. I’ve noticed, and I do TRY not to take advantage of this too often, but… well he never denies me anything. Like… ever. Not unless he has a really really good reason.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m really good at pouting or if he really just loves to spoil me that much? Maybe both? I mean…. Okay I’m… Since New Years especially I’ve been re-framing how I look at our relationship. And how he reacts to me and how we interact with each other.

I know I know. About time? Look, you can’t blame me for being careful. Okay? Just… ugh. Anyway….

Maybe it’s rose-tinted glasses. Maybe I’m reading way too far into things. Maybe I’m just wrong. But I hope… I hope I’m right. I hope that what I’m seeing is true. I hope…

But we’ll get into that later. 

Lan Zhan helped decorate the rest of the cookies and it went…. About as well as his decorating back at the corn maze had. Bless his talented heart but arts and crafts are definitely a weakness for him.  A weakness that is now snuggly coupled with his shit aim in my heart. The two ‘flaws’ that he has and they just endear him to me even more. How is that fair? Somehow him being bad at things just makes him even MORE perfect? That’s just not fair! 

A-Yuan and I laughed at a particularly hideous angel cookie, but when A-Yuan asked if that angel was supposed to be ME I think we both died a little. (Lan Zhan did not confirm nor deny the identity of the angel cookie but at a glance it did seem to share my morning bed-head hair. And he gave it clothes that were rather dark and tattered as is my preference. But that could just be chalked up to lack of finesse with the piping. The grey sprinkles for eyes did add a bit of suspicion though.)  I mentioned if it was supposed to be me they’d better snap off the wings which made Lan Zhan scowl at me and hold the cookie rather protectively.  I laughed and promised I wouldn’t destroy his hard work and he reluctantly relaxed and went back to his careful decorating. 

Sooner than I would have liked we ran out of cookies to decorate. Though I’m not sure where we’d put them if we had any more. They covered every flat surface in the kitchen while the frosting settled and dried. “Which ones do you want to take home?” Lan Zhan said after a while of gazing fondly at our kingdom of sugar soldiers. That… kinda made my heart sink. Right. Home. A-Yuan was gonna have to go back home. Which was not with us. Wen Ning was going to be picking him up soon.

Should I be concerned with how fast I got used to it? The three of us together in the play-acting of a little family? Probably. 

A-Yuan hopped around the kitchen and considered carefully, picking out some of his favorites to give to the rest of the Wens. He asked me to give a sparkling snowflake to A-Ling which just made me melt. 

Eventually we got all his selections all packed up in tupperware and ready to be taken away. But he came up to me with one last cookie in his hand. It was a christmas tree he’d spent so long carefully decorating. And honestly it was a masterpiece considering he’s all of 7 years old. He’d done his best to color in the star at the top with gold frosting and the branches with green. He’d placed strings of dot sprinkles in alternating colors as garland and shaped sprinkles for the ornaments. He’d even tried to put lines in the frosting at the bottom to make it look like tree bark, though that had melted together into a bit of an un-even lump. But still.  

“I made this one for you, Xian-Gege,” he said with the brightest smile. He said that he was scared when he found out I was hurt but he was so glad that I was okay. He was saying something else but I cut him off when I hugged him so tight, careful not to crumble that precious cookie. 

I still have it. I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. Eventually Lan Zhan and I sprayed it with stuff (per instructions seen on the internet) so that we could preserve it and keep it forever. I turned it into an ornament for a christmas tree. I wonder if we can have A-Yuan over next year. I wonder if he’d notice it. 

I was… a bit emotional up until Wen Ning finally showed up to collect his nephew. There was another round of hugs where I told A-Yuan how much I love him and how proud of him I was and then he was gone. 

And it was just me and Lan Zhan. 

I sniffled a little and Lan Zhan carefully took my hand to comfort me. I smiled a watery smile at him before we both went about cleaning up. We nibbled on some of the more unfortunate looking cookies  (which honestly weren’t ALL Lan Zhan’s since I had some failed experiments of my own to add to the ‘reject’ pile) and soon the kitchen was properly spotless. But it still smelled like the cookies, the scent of sugar and vanilla mixing with the sandalwood that usually dominated the home in a mix that was surprisingly pleasant. 

Once we’d finished cleaning up, Lan Zhan took my hand again and led me to the living room to sit down. “Wait here a moment,” he said. He went off to the other room to get something. I listened to the soft sound of his footsteps and the rustling of paper. He sat next to me again and asked me for my hands. I offered them to him with a questioning stare that he ignored in favor of undoing the wrappings I’d put on earlier to help protect them while we made the cookies. 

One at a time he slowly unwound the length of thin cloth until my poor raw knuckles were exposed. 

I asked him what he was doing, but he only responded by pulling out a bottle of something. It was apparently some sort of ointment or lotion. Something soothing. He poured some into his own palm, rubbing his hands together to warm it up before he gently, oh so gently started to rub it into the skin on my hands. I stung for a moment, though he soothed it quickly by blowing on my hands with care. But after the initial contact the sting faded. It smelled so nice. A bit medicinal but definitely sandalwood. 

Apparently that’s what he’d gone out for. That ointment/lotion/whatever it is. He’d seen how tender my hands were (of course he had) and wanted to give them extra care. He’d apparently had to go across town just to get it. The post-christmas shoppers were already out in full swing gobbling up sales and crowding the streets. 

I… he hates crowds. When we shop we specifically try to go out when there are less people when we can manage it. And dealing with post-holiday crowds. I know for a fact that he’s done his best to avoid that his whole life. And going all the way into town just to get me some hand cream. Just. 

My heart.

I can’t handle it.

Even after the cream had been rubbed in with so much care, he kept holding my hands. Rubbing and massaging the parts where the skin was intact and a little up my wrists. 

Eventually he stopped but I held his hands before he could pull them away so that I could place a kiss in thanks on his knuckles. When I looked up again he was staring at me. So close. So soft. So…. 

I pulled back with a cough that probably did nothing to hide my flaming cheeks and he let me. Was it wishful thinking that made me think I saw a flash of disappointment in his eyes? 

I thanked him for always taking such good care of me. He told me there was no need for thanks between us. 

I smiled at him again and he smiled back. He smiles so much easier now than he used to. At least when it’s just us.  

Does that mean that it’s because of me? Am I helping him smile? I hope so.

[auroracalisto]

not alone, never alone

ALSO POSTED IN A COLLECTION LOCATED HERE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23310046/chapters/55832104

Requested by @amy-de-l-abc​.  The request was quite long, but the jist of it was having a suicidal reader, but one who isn’t quite able to do anything.  She and Reid start out as friends but the ending will have them getting together.  Fluff on Reid’s part, as he comforts her when she is feeling down.  Reader also feels like she can’t depend on her therapist or her family, and unfortunately, not even a suicide hotline will help (in a very negative way, which is purely for this story’s purpose).   I hope this is somewhat what you were looking for! I tried my hardest to incorporate everything you asked for. I was thinking of making this multiple chapters but decided to make it one chapter so it's gonna be super long (hope you don't mind). Also, just to let you know, the reader and Spencer do end up together in the end. So. That's a plus.  Also, I had to change some of the formatting here because it’s not the same as AO3, which is fine, but if you read it there and here, there might be a slight difference.  

TRIGGER WARNING: It is very possible that the content within this story can be triggering for some audiences. Read at your own caution. And please, if you ever feel like you need help, do not be afraid to reach out. Things like the messages in this story are purely fictional and would most likely not happen if one was seeking help. There are multiple contact numbers for suicide hotlines, and they are very easy to search up. Here is a link for international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html And here is a link for the United States hotlines:  http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html  Do not ever be afraid to reach out. You are never alone.

[]

"my biggest fear is that eventually, you will see me the way I see myself." [anonymous]

[Your name] sat, nervously picking at the fuzzies on her sweater.  Her knee bounced up and down as she chewed on her lip, her eyes glancing towards the clock every now and then.  She needed to speak with her therapist, Julia, and the wait was agonizingly long.  If she didn’t get in soon, JJ will be calling her and telling her to be ready for another job.  And she couldn’t wait much longer to talk with her therapist.

A woman poked her head out from the office and smiled gingerly towards the nervous girl.  “You can come in now, Miss.  I am so sorry for the wait,” she opened the door.

[Your name] stood and came in, giving her a faint smile.  “It’s okay,” she softly spoke.

“Do you have children?” her therapist smiled.

“No.  I’m not in a relationship,” she shrugged, sitting down in the chair across from the woman.

“Oh.” She smiled.  “Anyone would be lucky to have you, [Your name].”  She got out some files to look through as she spoke, “Do you remember my son Evan?  Well, he’s been acting up in school again.  After our meeting, I’ll have to go and pick him up from school.”

[Your name]’s eyes widened and she felt her chest tighten.  Am I seriously taking up her time? she thought to herself before she forced a smile in her doctor’s direction.  “Thank you for letting me stay,” she mumbled.

Julia rose an eyebrow.  “Of course, [Your name],” she softly spoke and grabbed her pen.  “Now.  Do you remember what we went over the last time you were here?”

It was just last Tuesday.  Of course, she remembered.  [Your name] nodded.

“Alright, good,” Julia smiled.  “How have you been doing?  Has anything worked for you?”

Julia had given her some stuff to do whenever she felt herself losing control.  She had the rubber band on her wrist hidden underneath her sweater sleeve.  Pursing her lips, she gave a small nod.  “I think so.”

“Really?” Julia grinned, proud of her patient.  “That’s great!”

Another forced smile made it’s way to [Your name]’s lips and she turned her gaze onto her buzzing phone.  No, constantly ran through her brain as she tried to silence the call.

“Do you need to take that?” Julia tilted her head.

“No,” she quickly replied, only to flinch when there was another call.

Julia expectantly smiled at her.  “You can answer the call.  It’s okay.”

[Your name] frowned and closed her eyes as she answered the phone.  “Hello?”

“[Your name]?”

It was JJ.

“Yes, I’m here.”

“We have another job.  You’re gonna need to come in.  I’m so sorry, I know that you have your appointment, but this can’t wait.”

“Fine,” she frowned, letting out a soft sigh.  “I’m across town.  I’ll be a second,” she mumbled before she hung up, looking at Julia.

Julia watched her with soft eyes.  “What was that about?”

“I have to go.  Looks like Evan’s gonna get in trouble sooner than later,” she tried to joke as she got to her feet, stuffing her phone back in her pocket.  “Thank you for meeting with me.  You don’t care if I call you later, do you?”

“Not at all, dear,” Julia smiled.  “Just message me so I’ll be able to go somewhere quiet.  Be safe, [Your name].”

[Your name] smiled and left her therapist’s office, her chest as tight as it was before.

[]

“You made it,” JJ smiled as [Your name] walked into the briefing room.

[Your name] nodded to JJ, returning her smile, before she sat down beside Emily and Spencer.  She didn’t look at them, glancing towards the files sat in front of her.

Spencer glanced towards his friend with a concerned expression, but he didn’t say anything.  [Your name] never told him much of her home life—or her life, in general.  He frowned and leaned back in his chair as Penelope came in, immediately talking about the case.

“You all remember the choking game case we had a while back?” Penelope asked, looking back at the group.  She was aware that [Your name] had not been apart of the team at that time, but let out a relieved sigh when [Your name] nodded to say that she knew what it was about.

“Alright,” Penelope continued, “it looks like we have another one similar to that.  There are children in New York committing suicide—at least, that’s what NYPD is ruling it as for the moment.  From what I have been able to see, there is a database their webcam videos are going to and showing that thousands of children are viewing these videos.”

[Your name] was tense in her chair.

“NYPD has requested our help,” Penelope said, looking towards Hotch.

Hotch gave a small nod.  “And we’ve accepted the case.  Wheels up in thirty, everyone,” he said, casting a glance towards [Your name].  He stood and gathered his things, everyone else doing the same and grabbing their go-bags.

[]

It was quiet on the plane ride.  They had already debriefed what information they had, so everyone was just preparing for what was to come.

[Your name] sat in the corner of the plane, holding her phone in front of her, typing away.

[Your name] I just feel like everything I do is pointless.  I can’t talk to anyone about this.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] I’m sorry to hear you say that.  Please, tell me more.  I promise you, everything that you do has meaning.  It has a purpose.

[Your name] Yeah, but that’s the thing.  I feel like it doesn’t.  I had to leave my therapist today because of my job.  I feel like I’m drowning.  I can’t even have an hour to myself.  Everything is just throwing up in front of me.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] I am sure your job would understand if you decided to take some time off.  Is that what seems to be the problem?

[Your name] No, that’s not the problem.  Well, not all of it.  I just.  I don’t want to be here.  I feel like everyone would be better without me.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] I can assure you, that is not the case.  You have a purpose.  You have a reason for being here, just like everyone else does.  Are you with people right now?  I am listening to you, if not.  You are not alone.

[Your name] I am with people right now.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] Are you going to hurt yourself?  If you are, please remind yourself that you are okay.  Everything is okay.

[Your name] It’s not okay, but I am not going to hurt myself.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] You are aware that this is a suicidal hotline, correct?

[Your name] Yes, I am aware.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] You’ve messaged a suicidal hotline and you’re not going to hurt yourself?  Is that what you are saying?

[Your name] Yes.

[SUICIDAL HOTLINE] Alright.  Please seek real-life help.  A suicidal hotline will not help you if you aren’t going to hurt yourself.

[Your name] Wait

[Your name] But I want to talk.  I want someone to just listen to me.  I thought this hotline was supposed to do that.  You’re supposed to help everyone.

[Your name] Hello?

[Your name] felt her heart drop.  No one would help her.  Shortly before her text messages with the hotline, she had messaged her therapist and canceled their future appointments.  Maybe it was too rushed, but [Your name] knew she was just wasting Julia’s time.  She knew it.

The plane soon landed, and everyone was ushered to the SUVs.  It was only a matter of time before they reached the precinct.  Everything there was already set up and [Your name] and Spencer was left behind to deal with the paper trail and information that was already available to them.  Everyone else had gone out to interview the victim’s families and to the crime scenes.

Spencer looked towards [Your name] with soft eyes.  Mascara was underneath her eyes, not very noticeable, but noticeable if you looked close enough.  She must have been crying, he told himself, sitting across from her with a can of her favorite soda.  He took notice of things.  He couldn’t help it.

“How are you feeling?” he softly asked the woman.

She rose an eyebrow, thanking him for the soda as he handed it to her.  “I’m okay,” she softly mumbled, opening the soda and taking a sip of it.  Her eyes never once met his, but she was grateful for his company.

The two got to work on the case, helping each other out when it was needing.

[]

Three days went by before they returned home.

[Your name] was stressed.  Her skin felt like it was on fire.  Looking out the window of her apartment, she took a seat on her couch and held her cup of hot chocolate close to her chest.  She sniffled and sipped at her steaming drink, her phone buzzing beside of her.

It was her sibling.  They kept messaging about how [Your name] should visit them and her parents soon.  But she didn’t want to.  She loved her family, yes, but . . . she was just a burden to them.

If I go, if I break down in front of them, it’ll be hell, she frowned to herself.  They can’t even handle me when I’m not depressed.

[Your name] ignored her sibling’s messages and closed her eyes, jumping a bit when her phone began to ring.  She looked at it and the contact read ‘Spencer.’  She furrowed her eyebrows, a bit confused, but she answered the call and sat her mug down, anyway.

“[Your name]?” Spencer greeted.  She could practically hear his smile in his voice.  

“Spence?  It’s ten o’clock, why are you calling?”

“Um, I just, I was just wanting to make sure you were okay.  I . . . may have seen some of your messages yesterday.  You left your phone open under the suicidal hotline.”

[Your name] felt her heart stop.  “What?  You read my messages?”

“No!  Well—well, I mean, I didn’t mean to, [Your name],” he quickly said.  “I was just . . . are you okay?”

Just that morning, she had run into an old friend from her graduating class.  They had spoken fondly of their memories together, even going as far as talking about their wellbeing nowadays.  [Your name] mentioned just briefly how she had been seeing a therapist and her friend had asked her, “Don’t depressed people usually sleep all day?  You really don’t look depressed.”  The thought returned to her and she felt hot tears begin to form.

“Spence, I really don’t wanna talk right now—”

“[Your name],” he softly spoke, a deep frown on his lips.  “Can I—can I do something for you?  I haven’t eaten yet.  Maybe I can pick up some take out and come to your apartment.  Is that okay?  I—I really just want to talk to you, [Your name].”

She nervously rubbed her hands over her pajama pants before she gave a small nod.  When she realized he couldn’t see it, she spoke, “Yes.  But—but I’m not changing.  I’m ready for bed.  So just . . . just text me when you get here.”

Spencer smiled a bit to himself.  “I’ll be there, soon.  Don’t do anything, okay?” he asked.

“Okay.”

[]

[Spencer] I’m at your door.  Can you let me in?

[Your name] didn’t answer, but she got up from her spot on the couch and turned her television off, going to answer the door.

She gave Spencer a weak smile, moving away so he could come in.

“I hope you like Chinese,” he said.

She gave a small nod.  “I’ll get plates and silverware.  Go ahead and take it to the living room,” [Your name] looked at Spencer for a moment, a soft blush forming on her cheeks.  He was the first one from the team who had been in her apartment.

[Your name] went to her kitchen to grab the dinnerware, making sure to grab a couple of sodas just in case Spencer didn’t pick up anything to drink.  When she came back to the living room, Spencer had already set up all the food for them.

He glanced up and smiled softly at the woman.  “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” she replied, sitting down the plates and the sodas.

Spencer hesitated for a moment before he spoke up again.  “Are you okay?”

[Your name] stared at him, a frown evident on her features.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong.  But—but I just don’t want you to be alone, [Your name],” he quickly spoke.  “No one deserves to be alone when they’re hurting.  When . . . when I was, well, it was a couple of years ago—anyway, when I wasn’t well, I was alone.  I didn’t let anyone in.  Please, [Your name], don’t block everyone out.  No one deserves to be alone,” he said, taking in a deep breath, “Especially you.”  He mumbled that last part, but she caught it.

The blush that had left her cheeks moments before had returned.

“What?” she softly asked, keeping her eyes on his.

“You don’t deserve to be alone,” he said, returning his gaze.  He frowned at her and momentarily ran his hand through his hair before realizing that he had messed it up.  He let out a sigh, not moving to fix it.

Instead, [Your name] found herself reaching forward and fixing it for him.  She, however, wasn’t smiling.  She was fighting her tears.  She wasn’t about to cry in front of him.  At least, that’s what she told herself.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Spencer cracked a soft smile.  “It’s okay,” he said.  Hesitantly, he hugged onto the woman.  He was visibly uncomfortable with the new touch, but he didn’t dare pull away.  This made her tears form quicker and a couple even fell.  Spencer was making himself uncomfortable . . . for her.

[]

The following Monday was the same as it usually was.  [Your name] was upset once more, but she had the day off.  She was even expecting to spend it alone.  That was until she got a message from Spencer.

[Spencer] Hey.

[Spencer] So, I am sorry if you’re not awake, but if you are, can you let me in your apartment?  I picked up breakfast.  I figured since we all have the day off, you’re not doing anything.

[Spencer] Sorry if I assumed wrong.  But I don’t want you to be alone.

[Your name] smiled a bit to herself as she read the message.  She tossed her phone on her couch and slowly pulled herself off of it, going to the door.  Unlocking it, she saw Spencer with a bag of her favorite breakfast food.  She blushed.  He truly remembered a lot of the things she did at the office.  Like constantly bringing in breakfast biscuits and hashbrowns.

Spencer gave her a soft smile.  “Hey.”

“Hey,” [Your name] said.

He’s just here cause he pities you.

[Your name] swallowed thickly before she let the man in.  “You know you didn’t have to come.”

“But I did,” he said, looking over at her.

[Your name] tilted her head, leading him into the kitchen.  She expected him to continue.  Spencer sat the bag on the countertop.

“Breakfast.  And, uh, I needed to tell you something.  I’ve been thinking about it for some time now, and I just can’t stop thinking about it.  I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I know how you feel about yourself and I just need to tell you before something happens, if it does end up happening—”

“Spence, what is it?” she softly asked, interrupting his tangent.

“Okay, right,” he closed his eyes for a moment.  “I—” he looked at her, his eyes softening their gaze.  He smiled a bit.  He knew he needed to tell her.  “I really like you, [Your name].  And I understand if you don’t feel the same. I understand that you don’t even know where your head is, sometimes, but really, I just needed to tell you so you knew—” he gripped at the edge of his shirt, “—I really needed to tell you so you knew that you would never be alone.  Even if you don’t feel the same, I really just needed you to—”

[Your name] interrupted him with a soft kiss to his lips, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill.

“Spencer,” she softly said, “Thank you.”

His eyes widened a bit as he stared her down.  “What—do you—”

She nodded and kissed him again, hesitantly wrapping her arms around his neck.  He copied the stance and pulled her close for a moment.  He soon reached his hands up and wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

“I am so sorry you feel the way you do.  But you’re not alone.  You are never alone.  I promise you that,” he said, keeping his eyes on hers.

“Thank you,” she repeated, giving him a tight hug.  She buried her face in his chest, taking in a deep breath.

Her family might be unable to care properly for her.  Therapy might not be able to help her.  But . . . now she had Spencer.  Maybe that’s not exactly what she needed, but it was a start.  He would be there, now.  That . . . had to be enough.

[Your name] looked up at Spencer one last time, admiring his features.

For the first time in a long time, she truly felt like she wasn’t alone.

[onlyyyariii]

My Alpha

Part One

Liana’s point of view

*******

"Hey Madi wanna hang tonight after work?"

"Of course Liana."

Madison and I haven't been able to hang out much since graduation. I've been busy with work and applying to colleges. I really want to go to the University of San Francisco (really don't even know if that's a real school). They have a good acting program.

"Okay I'll meet you at your house, after 5?"

"Yeah my shift's over at 4:30."

"Alright, have fun with your coffee."

I work at a coffee shop. Locally owned of course, but it paid well. Usually I'd work six hour shifts.

"Oh I will. I'll make you a pumpkin spice, if you'd like."

"You already know." she laughs.

"Okay I'm at the shop I'll have to let you go. Love you."

"Love you too.”

I hang up and walk into Coffee Central. Opening the door, I can smell the scents of autumn. Pumpkin, maple, and cinnamon getting stronger as I head behind the counter. I take a deep breath in through my nose. Letting it out when I feel dizzy. Strong arms wrap around my waist as I go to grab myself a cup. I smile and blush, knowing it's my boyfriend.

"Aaron." I say, tilting my head to the right.

His warm breath hits the side of my neck making me shiver.

"You smell good."

"Thank you."

He plants a kiss to my neck, then lets go of me.

"How's your sister doing?"

"Lindsey?"

"Yeah, is she okay?"

"She has a stomach bug."

"Oh."

His sister, Lindsey, is eight years old and when I was over his house a few days ago, she threw up on me. It wasn't the most pleasant thing but I have experience with kids. I used to babysit as a job. A bunch of mom's in the town love me for it.

"I'm going to hang out with Madi after work today. I just wanted to let you know in case you wanted to go out."

"No, I'm hanging out with Jack and Bryant."

"Okay."

[After Work]

I go home and take a quick shower, before changing into some sweats and a tank top. Walking into the kitchen, I'm met with the lovely face of my mother.

"Hi Momma."

"Hey Li, is Madison coming over?"

"We're going to watch movies if that's alright."

"Perfectly fine. I have to go back to the hospital anyways, there's a craniotomy at seven. Before that I have to check in on a few patients."

My mother works in our local hospital as a neurosurgeon. It's pretty cool how she managed to have a kid while going through college and medical school. Not to mention, being the best single mom out there. Her job is really awesome, although she can't tell me the name of the people she works on, she tells me what surgery they'll need to get.

"Cool. So you won't be home til late?"

"I won't be coming back tonight. I have rounds tomorrow morning at 5."

"Alright," I walk over and hug her, "bye Momma, have a good surgery."

"I'll try."

She grabs her bag then makes her way to the front door. Opening it she finds that Madi is about to knock.

"Come in Madison. Wouldn't want you to get cold."

She passes her and walks in.

"Hey Madi ready for a movie marathon?"

"As long as I can pick the movies."

"Okay."

I walk into the kitchen to make the popcorn while she finds us movies. When the popcorn is finished I pore it into a big bowl and bring it to the living room. I pull down the blanket she's set up and slip in beside her. Our couch turns into a bed if you get the jist.

"What are we watching?" I ask, handing her the bowl.

"Harry Potter series, you in?"

"Of course I'm in."

We laugh as she presses play on the first movie. We sit and watch movie after movie until we're on the Goblet of Fire. I yawn and look over at her. She has a blank look on her face.

"Madison, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head and looks at me.

"I'm sorry I have to go."

"Why, what happened?"

"Nothing, I just forgot I was invited to a party."

"Oh."

She gets up from the bed and grabs her jacket.

"Well let me get dressed and I could come-"

"No Liana! Did I say you were invited too?"

"Madi if it's just a party, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you always invite yourself places you aren't wanted!"

Tears sprung to my eyes, "You don't want me there?"

"No I don't.”

With that she left, slamming the door on her way out. I walked into the living room turning the TV off and grabbing my jacket. Why would she do something like this? This is so unlike her. She's never like this, at least with me she's not. We've been best friends since middle school, of course we've had our fair share of fights along the way, but this one seemed personal. I lock the door on the way out. A nice walk should do me some good. I walk behind my house to the woods. For years, I have been walking the same path. Taking a deep breath I smell the trees around me. Oak, maple, pine, even birch. I continue walking as leaves crunch beneath my feet. The sound of a laugh goes by my ear. I whip around to look behind me, finding no one. Keeping my head up, I continue to walk until I hear another laugh.

"He's coming!" A girl runs by me laughing.

"You have to hide."

"He'll get you."

I look at these girls as they run by me. What are they talking about? Girls run by me at a fast pace, climbing up trees and hiding behind them.

"What's going on?" I say, lightly.

"The mating tradition."

"Mating... what?"

A girl shushes me as leaves crunch in front of us. I lean against the tree, scared out of my mind. What did they mean mating tradition? I take a deep breath and focus on the smell of maple. Maple is my favorite smell of course. Leaning my head back against the tree I let out a sigh. Terrified to move, I try to be as still as possible. The faint sound of sniffing hits me like a ton of bricks. I'm going to die and I didn't even get to tell my mother I loved her. I didn't get to say goodbye to Aaron or apologize to Maddy for being in her business 24/7. A tear slips down my cheek. I didn't get to go to college and I didn't get to fall in love. I'll never get to experience the pain of childbirth or the happiness of marriage.

Opening my eyes I'm met with a boy. He glances over at me. Running up to me he places his hands on the sides of my face. One hand grips my jaw as the other tears off my jacket. His face goes to my neck as I shake with fear. I try my hardest not to breath. He takes a deep breath, then lets out a groan. A shaky breath leaves my body. The feeling of wet warmth blossoms on my neck. He licked me! I'm shivering from the cold and my eyes start closing from over exhaustion. I feel arms snake around my waist and under my knees. I quickly grab onto whoever picked me up, scared of falling back to the ground. I lay there as the person continues walking.

I awake when I'm placed down on the ground.

"A human?"

"Yes father."

"You're sure, this is the one? It's going to be a hard relationship."

"She is the one. It doesn't matter how hard it will be."

"Very well then. Take her to the house and let Zyrie clean her up."

"Of course."

I'm picked back up into the strong arms and carried once more. I let my head rest against the chest of whoever carries me, drifting off into a light slumber.

+++++

I awake sometime later on a soft bed. Opening my eyes I notice I'm not in my bedroom. So last night wasn't a dream.

"How are you feeling?"

I look to my right at a girl with dark red hair and freckles adorning her light skin. Her blue eyes stare at me with concern. She has a mark between her neck and shoulder in the shape of a moon. It looks like a tattoo.

"I'm okay," I say, my voice still deep from just being woken up, "I'm a bit thirsty."

"I'll be right back with a drink."

"Thank you."

As she gets up to leave I notice the boy behind her. He leans up against the wall. She nods at him before walking out and closing the door.

"Who are you?" I glare at him.

"Ethan Dolan. Son of Sean and Lisa Dolan. Alpha and Luna of this pack."

"Pack? What are you talking about?"

"We're werewolves."

"That's not possible. They aren't real." I say with a laugh.

"They're very much real."

I go silent for a moment. The boy, Ethan, walks over and kneels in front of me.

"Your name?" He asks, with a scowl on his face.

"Liana, Liana Summers."

“Liana..."

My name rolls off his tongue. I shiver as his voice seems to run through me. He gets up and begins to walk out.

"Ethan!" I call.

He turns around and looks at me. His gaze turning into a hard glare.

"What's a mate?"

"A mate means you are my other half. A soulmate, if you will. When we... um mate, I would mark you. Meaning you are mine. You would mark me. But since you're not a wolf I don't know how it would work!" He screamed the last sentence.

My body shuddered in fear and cowered away from him. It was as if I thought he was going to hit me. He glances at me, his gaze softening.

"When we mark each other, a bond will be formed. Through this bond you and I would share emotions. For example when you feel pain as will I, if you're sad then I'm sad. We could speak to each other-"

"Wait so you're saying mating is... having sex?"

"To be blunt, yes. And-"

"Then marking would be... biting me?"

"Yes but-"

"No absolutely not. I do not want you biting me anytime soon. I don't even know you and you already licked me! I have a boyfriend and a life I can't just-"

"Liana stop."

In a second he's hovering over top of me, pinning my hands above my head. I look at him as fear flashes through my mind again. He leans into my neck to smell me.

"You smell like maple and vanilla and fear. You have nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Y-you s-scare m-me." I stutter.

He leans back into my neck and licks me. I let out a shaky breath. I can't say I don't like it. He plants a kiss to where he licked.

"Your heart beats faster when I get near you. I know you feel something."

He rolls off of me and walks out of the room. As soon as he opens the door I notice the girl standing out there. She lightly bows to him and then joins me in the room. She closes the door but I continue to watch it.

"Don't worry about him. He's an Alpha they tend to be intimidating."

"He's my mate, my alpha?"

"Yes, he seems- well his wolf seems to have chosen you."

"His wolf?"

"The wolf side of him is drawn to you."

"Drawn to me how?"

"Your scent smells like everything he's ever wanted. His wolf already loves you, but it may take some time for him to. It's not everyday that a wolves mate is human."

"I'm very sorry. I don't understand this all too well."

"That's quite alright. No one here is going to hurt you, seeing as your the next Luna."

"The next what?"

"You'll see."

*******

Alrighty! This is part one. There are about nine more chapters completed. Let me know if you want another chapter tonight! Also send in requests for Madi and Liana if you have any.

Taglist: @blindedbythelightt @fangdolan @grantzarrr

[thesunlovesmuses]

Running Away

Prompt: Dirt and leaves tangled in my hair as he pushed me into the wall. He pressed his hand over my mouth and whispered; “Hush or they’ll hear you.”

The brisk wind chilled my bones as I walked the beaten path carved into the forest by merchants and travellers before me. The golden leaves in their autumn hues danced in the wind like lovers at a ball, and only made me think more about the decision I had made only this morning. Had I been too hasty in my decision? Was it right to leave on my own journey now, or should I go running back to the tower. Should I wait one more season to explore the world? Even it it had only been a day since I left, I missed everyone so dearly. Azra, Izax, Luka. The only companion to keep me company on the road was Oliver. Sensing my indecision, the cat rubbed his face against my neck from his perch on my shoulder. He might not be a real cat, but for a familiar, he truly felt like a friend. Giving him a comforting scratch behind his ear, I pressed on, knowing in my heart of hearts that if I didn’t leave now, I would never leave the tower. And if I didn’t leave the tower, then I would never find out the truth I so longed to find.

“It’s probably just the cold making me rethink Oliver. I’m sure once we settle down for the night with a nice hot meal, this’ll be easier.” I conversed with Oliver, trying to get my mind off of the crushing silence of a lonely road. Luckily, only being a day on the road, I knew we had some nice provisions in hand to cook us a nice camp meal. But those won’t last forever. By the time they run out though, hopefully I’ll have arrived in Lorminster and can find some work to help buy more.

“So we’re a day from Serden Village and then five away form Lorminster. And according to Azra, they’ll be a cartographer in Serden so we can buy a proper map of the area. I hope it won’t cost too much. I sighed, feeling the coin pouch attached to my belt. Not feeling as hefty as I would like it to have been, despite all of my saving. But what else can I do but pray to Hendorr for good fortune. 

But just as I was lamenting my monetary issues, a loud rustling started from my right, far off, but it sounded like it was getting closer and closer, with no sign of slowing down.

“Oliver, poof out for a second, this might be trouble.” I asked, the cat giving a meow in good luck, and disappearing in a puff of black smoke. And just as I was about to pull out the spear form it’s holder, the bushes parted and a figure bolted out, slamming into me and sending us tumbling down the hillside the path was next to. Over and over we went, and all I could see were tufts of blond hair and coats catching in the wind as fell.

Eventually we slowly came to a stop, with the figure on top of me, panted as if he had ran for miles. Dirt and leaves tangled in my hair as he pushed off of the floor. He pressed his hand over my mouth and whispered; “Hush or they’ll hear you.”

“Mmmppphh!” I screamed, but to no real effect. He looked around the forest to see if anything heard us. After a moment, he sighed and turned back to me.

“Ok. If I move my hand from your mouth, promise you won’t scream.”

I was hoping that the intense glare I was giving him would tell this guy exactly how I feel about him telling me what do after tackling me to the ground out of nowhere. But he was either very dense, or thought I wasn’t going to be much of a challenge if I did decide to fight back. Because after a moment, he lifted his hand off of my face.

“See, it’s going to be o-”

All it took was a second for his guard to be down. For in an instant, I twisted our position so he was on his back. Noting he had a knife strapped to his leg, I quickly unsheathed it and held it to his throat.

“Start talking. Who are you and why the hell are you following me?” I whispered back. As much as I wanted to shout at him for his actions, his asking me to be quiet made me think that maybe he knew something about these forests that I didn’t. 

“Well thanks for keeping your voice down at least, but if we are going to talk, maybe we could, oh I don’t know, move behind a tree so that we don’t get spotted!?!”

“Spotted by who?”

“The guards of course! They’re always prowling around here, looking for people like us!”

“What do you mean people like us?”

“Outsiders, travellers, people who might not necessarily agree with the ways that the town is run. Now can we please move befor-”

A rustle from the bushes sent both of our heads looking in the direction it came from. Dragging him quickly to his feet, we rushed to hide behind a big oak tree on the edge of the clearing. Just as we did, two people in shining silver armour came out and looked around the area. Seeing that the stranger was about to try and put his hand over my mouth again, I quickly crouched and looked around the edge of the trunk to try and eavesdrop on them.

“He has to be around here somewhere.”

“I told you Markus, you were seeing things.”

“And I told you, I saw him spying on us! Probably trying to get intel for those rebel friends of his.” 

“Tch. Can’t believe I’m wasting the evening here and not back at the barracks. At least there it was warm.” The taller guard moaned, kicking a stray rock at the tree we were hiding behind. This alone made the blonde behind me tense up in fear. Well, at least I know he’s been putting on a front all this time.

“Stop complaining and help me look. The quicker we find him, the quicker we can be done with this whole business anyway” The shorter guard, presumably Markus, replied in a tone that just begged for the taller guard to fight him on this. With a glance back at what must have been the direction of the barracks he mentioned, the other guard joined Markus and searched the bushes opposite of where we are. 

Giving the stranger back his knife and signalling that maybe now would be a good time to get out of here, we started to quietly tip toe deeper into the forest, avoiding any twigs and leaves that looked like they would make a lot of noise. As soon as it looked like we were in the clear, we started to sprint away from the clearing, still being mindful of where we were stepping in case we made unnecessary noise.

“So, were they your friends or what?” I asked, trying to get the full picture of what was going on around these parts.

“Hah! Unlikely! I’d rather be friends with the bears around here than them. And hey, I’m really am sorry about pushing you to the ground like that. I panicked since you were making a lot of noise.”

“As long as I don’t get in trouble for just being near you, I think we’re good..erm?”

“Lucien. Lucien Ingleton.”

“Katiana. Why would the guards want you though? You don’t look like a thief?” I mused, looking at the way he was dressed. Sure, the clothes were muddy from travel, but they were by no means clothes any old traveller would wear. Slacks like a nobleman would wear, boots that look like they were polished only this morning, and was that some kind of military coat?

“No… at least not yet. But honestly, the way we’re going, we might have to resort to that soon.”

“We?”

“Oh… Sorry, I forget you don’t know the area and it’s troubles.” Lucien mused, skidding to a stop, coming to the conclusion that we were far enough away that we could stop running.

“Me and my friends… we’re in a bit of a tight situation. But I’m not sure it’s best to tell you. After all, you’re just passing through. Our troubles shouldn’t be your own.”

“But what if I can help? Besides, it sounds like I’m going to have issues passing through Serden Village if it’s true what you say about not trusting outsiders. Maybe a heads up on the situation would help?”

“True, I’d hate for an innocent traveller to be tangled up in our mess. By the gods I wish they’d let us resolve this civilly, instead of having to resort to this.” He mused, losing himself in thought for a moment as I looked around the area. Nothing but oak trees and undergrowth all around. And no way of knowing where the road was. Getting anxious that I might have to find the road on my own, but it seems to have read on my face. Because Lucien smiled a sad smile that somehow suited his face, and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“While I don’t know how much information is too much information, rest assured that I will get you back onto the main road first thing in the morning. But I think we’re still much too close to the village border for comfort. If it’s not too much trouble, there’s a river to the east where a campsite should be. Well, I say campsite, it’ll be nothing more than a few logs and an empty fire pit at this point i’m sure. But if you wouldn’t mind setting up camp there, I can tell you more about… our situation.” He offered, scratching his scalp as he mentioned the humble offering of a campsite, as if it wouldn’t be enough.

“Ok, but only if you tell me the jist of it now. As much as I want to trust you, you did just tackle me out of nowhere, so I want to know what I’m about to walk into. For my own safety.”

“Oh… of course. It’s only fair…” He trailed off, walking a few paces away from me. And for a second, I was worried that he was just going to walk away and leave me here. But after taking a closer look at the way he carried himself and the way he was clenching and unclenching his hands, it almost looked like he was steeling himself up to say what he needed to say. But just as I was about to comfort him, he nodded his head, and walked back to me, with a sadness and fury in his eyes that made me think of a fire on a raining day.

“Serden Village, my home, has been taken over by a tyrant. And there’s a rebellion coming.”

[itsclydebitches]

Three different topics

Hi! Sorry to bother you again. Jist wanted to know your opinion on 3 RWBY topics that have been swimming in my brain.

Ironwood was fine with it

I find it hilariously sad (maybe even ironic?) that the RWBY writers tried so hard to frame Ruby&Co as completely in the right for not saying anything to him because ‘who knows how Ironwood would react?!’ But in the end, they’re still wrong. He reacted just fine. Better than, even. No yelling, berating, or mental breakdowns in sight. So they proved themselves wrong. While trying to prove themselves right. I’m torn between laughing until I can’t breathe or screaming until I can’t breathe. 

Whitley 

With the way the writing is going, I’m kinda worried that they’ll end up playing the 'Whitley is like his father’ thing seriously. Because if they don’t, then Weiss would have been wrong about him. And in this pro-protagonist dystopia that they’ve created, that’s not allowed to happen. But in order to make Weiss the righteous one, they’ll have to demonize Whitley to prove that Weiss was correct about him. And I’m incredibly uncomfortable with the notion that they might just end up doing that. Because while they haven’t been so far, I don’t trust them to stick to their story the way it’s been written. They haven’t stuck with anything else after all. (Except hating Ozpin. Seriously, did the voice actor or the character do something to them? At this point I’m wondering 'did Ozpin run over your puppy? Steal your significant other? Call your mother fat?’ This level of hatred seems a bit obsessive..)

The Grimm and Salem

I don’t know if both the writers and the characters have forgotten, but… do they understand that the Grimm still exist separate to Salem? Like, she can control them, sure. But she didn’t bring them into existence. She dived into a Grimm pool that already existed and gained her abilities. Do they realize that the way the story is setup even if the main characters defeat Salem, the Grimm don’t just cease to exist? One of the biggest 'Ozpin is evil!’ arguments that I’ve heard is that he was sending people to die by going up against Salem, but he was sending them to fight Grimm. The things that she did not create. The things that will still be roaming around attacking people with or without her. I don’t know if that was intentional? (I doubt it.) But this is a major problem with the narrative. 'Ozpin was sending people to die!’ Yeah. Against the Grimm. The things that you already signed up to fight and potentially die to. As far as I can tell the only ones who were actually supposed to be doing anything involving Salem were Qrow and Raven. And they were just supposed to be surveillance. 'We just have to take down Salem!’ But there will still be Grimm. The terrible nightmare creatures that like to tear people apart. Remember them? 'Just collect the relics! That’ll solve the Grimm problem!’ And then you’ll have to deal with uniting people. Everyone. Like Jacques Schnee. Unless you plan to kill everyone that presents a problem to you. It just feels like the show is focusing way too heavily on the 'Salem’ part of the story, when the other two problems are just as bad, if not worse. Salem at the end is one person (simplified down). The Grimm are much bigger in numbers, can show up anywhere, and don’t go down by taking out one. Uniting humanity is another problem because there’s always going to be someone who thinks of themselves as 'better.’ But, you know, Salem. Sure.

************

RWBY topics, hell yeah! Putting the rest below a readmore to save dash space. 

1. Oh my god don’t get me started on that. The real kicker is that I agree with them. In that I agree that EVERYONE should be very careful about who they reveal this information to. I’ve never once thought that Ruby and company were in the wrong for being cautious, only in their and the writing’s insistence that only they can be cautious whereas Ozpin and Ironwood are horrible, flawed people for doing the exact same thing. Regardless of that though, the group was indeed proven wrong this last episode whereas Ozpin was proven RIGHT:

Ozpin: I don’t want to tell you this because I’m afraid that you will betray me and lose hope in our mission

Group: [Proceeds to betray him by stealing the relic, stealing Jinn’s name, ripping his whole past from him, denying him any sympathy or support, physically assaulting him, driving him off, losing hope for a stretch, and continually painting him as a convenient scapegoat to all their problems]

Ozpin: [Hanging out in Oscar’s head] Oh wow look at that, I was totally justified in being cautious with them. They handled that horribly.

vs. 

Group: We’re going to do to Ironwood precisely what Ozpin did to us---only with more stakes attached---because who KNOWS how Ironwood might react. If we went on drinking binges and attacked a kid over this, imagine what a man with real power would do

Ironwood: [A level-headed adult who, unlike the group, has actually proven his trustworthiness in the past, who is not inclined to blame others for bad situations or physically attack them] Wow this is horrifying. Astoundingly though I’m not going to punch you over it. However, I am going to jump straight to blaming Ozpin and absolving you because heaven forbid anyone acknowledge the hypocrisy around here 

tl:dr yeah I’m still salty 

2. Oh man I hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility... but yeah. It’s far from impossible based on a) how we’ve seen RWBY treat male abuse victims in the past (not well) and b) RWBY’s endless ability to straight up ignore things they’ve established. Meaning, we saw in The Lost Fable a huge amount of sympathy for Ozpin which was then completely erased to make him the thematic antagonist. In the same way, we may have seen Weiss coming to that realization that Whitley needs her help... but in RWBY’s writing that means absolutely nothing. We can’t bank on them following up on that because they haven’t bothered to follow up on so much else. We may very well get an evil!Whitley arc and a heroic!Weiss arc to contrast him, leaving the viewer wondering, “What happened to that epiphany you had with your mother about how Whitley has little to no chance of change unless he receive support from someone other than his father?” and the answer will be, “Wait, you thought RWBY was consistent?” 

3. Perfect example of this: literally everything you’ve laid out in regards to the grimm. That has frustrated me for volumes now, ever since the group (and the fandom) started painting Ozpin and his connection to Salem as the sole reason for why things are bad in the world. As if there isn’t, as you say, literal monsters running around devouring people entirely disconnected from her and her spat with the gods. The group willingly signed up to risk their lives to fight grimm. They knew they were fighting an immortal enemy in the form of the grimm. They know they’ve done important work by protecting people from grimm. They know the grimm will still be there even if the Salem threat is taken care of... but no one ever acknowledges this. The writing has forgotten its primary antagonist. Is Salem a super big danger that they need to take care of as soon as possible? Absolutely, but getting rid of her doesn’t solve every problem like the group seems to think it will and it certainly can’t act as a convenient excuse now that things have gotten harder. “You had us risking our lives to kill an immortal woman!” This is what I mean when I say that RWBY’s writing and much of RWBY’s fandom literally just makes stuff up. That is not what happened. Everyone go back and watch Ruby begging Ozpin to let her into Beacon because she, of her own agency and free will, wants to fight the very real monsters that are threatening her world. Salem only makes that problem worse. 

[devotedrigelianflower]

My reaction/thoughts to Act 1 of Echoes: Shadows of Valentia

//Playing the game and just watching someone else play are two completely different things. I do hope that @jasperlion​ has been having fun getting my raw reactions so I wanted to share them with you all! 

The music is so good! It’s what drew me to the game in the first place...as well as seeing Rinea.

Also yes I am playing on casual...I don’t trust myself.

Aww mini Alma and mini Celica are adorable

Well actually all of the cast as kids are adorable.

Wow...Slayde aka ugly man #1...you are a horrible person. I can’t wait to destroy you and laugh as you die. 

‘We did it!’ No you didn’t! Mycen did everything! Why would I let kids fight? The exp was not worth it. 

Time skip Yay!

You know when I was younger I would have agreed with Alm, but now that I am older. ‘No you are 17.’ But yeah I do understand why due to time period setting. 

Lukas is like really attractive and dang his voice is so smooth. 

Alm is going on to war and taking his buddies...I really was tempted to not use Faye because I am not a fan of her...but since first play though took her anyway. 

Seeing as Frederick was the one I loved in awakening, it seems I have a type since I love Lukas.

'Celica, are you the one who's been calling me?' Yes Alm, you totally have feelings for Celica and no one can deny that. Well except faye but we can just ignore her.

I discovered the change icon thing and of course I picked Rinea.

Battles were interesting but went as follows. Me yelling at Alm when he did a crit and asking @jasperlion​ a ton of questions because I did not trust myself lol. 

Saved Clair and she is awesome and I love her.

‘Oh go shove off you sorry excuse for a man!’ is how I reacted to fernand.

More battles consinding of me yelling ‘Clair! Hit something!’ and ‘TOBIN! STOP MISSING!’

Python! I totally agree with you on the ‘ginger stud’ comment about Lukas. I like you.

Terrors are gross. Ew. 

After getting to the shrine, I was questioning why Clive would let a 17 year old lead an army. It’s not a very smart choice even if it’s to boost moral. 

Bye Fernand! I never liked you anyway! Your hair is nice though!

Clive is cute but eh...I have a feeling I will prefer your lover more. 

Welcome to the team Forsyth! I think you are very attractive! A little too eccentric but still good looking!

Finding this random ally to also be very attractive: 

Checking out attractive dudes seems to be going on a lot in this game for me. I’m sorry Alm, I would be a terrible tactician if you had one.

I forgot how much leveling units sucks in every fe game. 

^One of the most funny moments from leveling up people except for Alm.

Ok the fight with desaix...who is also a gross man. 

THE EPIC DANCE CUT SCENE!! Glorious music!

No! Go back to Rinea!

Hi Berkut!

Berkut is also attractive and has a glorious voice, but his personality is terrible.

“War is horrible and I will make no spectacle of it” I agree with this Rinea. 

“I jest, my dear” Berkut’s reply. WELL IF YOU KNEW THAT THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE THAT HORRIBLE JOKE?!

When Rinea says 'I...do not have words...' just my heart felt for her. Like dang I really feel bad for her. 

Why are you with him, Rinea? You are like a 10 and Berkut’s is like a solid 7 out of 10. If he speaks nicer then he gets an 8 due to hotness of voice and good looks.  

I wanted more Rinea, but unfortunately battle time.

I think I over leveled my units...oh well!

Wait that’s it?!....no Rinea come back! BERKUT BRING BACK RINEA...and they are gone.

Alm is being so cute looking around and talking to people.

Ah of course the whole grandpa thing with Mycen...looking forward to seeing Alm’s reaction when he finds out the truth!

And...oh look the evil convention...and hi jedah. Yes you are totally evil and very creepy looking. 

Also no Jedah. It’s not Berkut’s fault that he had to fall back. It’s Desaix and his men’s fault since it’s their territory. 

Also hi Rudolf...your voice is not what I was expecting but I like it. 

I guess it’s off to act 2!...wait...WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON’T GET TO USE ALM’S TEAM in act 2?! NOOOOOO! MY ATTRACTIVE TANKS! (Lukas and Forsyth).

That was pretty the jist of how it went down for act 1. I guess I will do this for act 2 because I am less familiar with it. First impression wise I am enjoying playing this for sure.  Hope you all fun with this! See you guys in act 2!

@sireneia​, @pieman1112​, @convxction​, @vallablooded​, @tomeofwanderers​

[frywen-babbles]

Sounds of Silence pt6

"They shouldn't send you messages like that. You've done nothing wrong."

"It's okay. It'll die out soon enough when they realise I won't make any of this public. I just want to move on with my life." She shoved some cake into her mouth before she continued. "Enough about me. How have you been?"

"Studying," he replied before he thought of something. "I'll visit mother tomorrow... I thought... maybe you'd..."

"I'd love to come. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

He nodded in response and took a sip of his tea. Why was the situation suddenly so... awkward. What did people talk about in dates... non-dates anyway?

"Um... What's the new job you got?"

"The same old. Shelving in a grocery store, just in a different one than before."

"That must be... interesting."

"Please, it's boring as fuck. But it's a job."

Mitsunari regarded her carefully. Once she had talked about wanting to become a teacher and he couldn't but wonder what had become of those dreams. Now she seemed content at working in a grocery store, her dreams seemingly forgotten. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but he remembered how fondly she had talked about her dream. Had she given up on it completely? She wouldn't, would she? He worked so hard to achieve his dream and proving himself it seemed almost unthinkable someone would just give up.

"Earth to Manju-boy, are you even paying attention to me?" Mitsunari was woken from his thoughts when she tapped his arm gently.

"Just thinking about my studies."

"How are they going anyways?"

*****

Miraculously, their non-date had ended well and way less awkwardly than he had feared. They had ended up talking about his studies for way longer than he had planned, but she hadn't seemed to mind.

He was just about to go to sleep when his phone blinged with a message.

<i wntd 2 apologise> <i hd no rght 2 b that mean 2 u>    <What do you mean?> <thse mssgs i swd u> <i thgt ud say th same> <thnk u> <it rly mns a lot ur on my side>    <Of course I am.>

She didn't reply so he put his phone down and closed his eyes ready to sleep. But just as he had drifted off his phone blinged with a new message waking him up.

<it tk me 2 long 2 admit wht ws gng on. nd aftr thn i wnted 2 stay bc i lved him. i blievd it ws nly once. twice. i thght if id jst chnge myslf he didnt hve any rson 2 gt angry at me. i trd so hrd 2 be the prfct wife i feel like i lost myself. Ths isnt how I thght my life wld be.> <im scred> <i have no1 I cn rely on> <im sorry im blathering u must be thinking abt ur mom> <i shldnt cmplain evrythng is fine im sry>    <No, it's okay. It's understandable to be scared.> <sry> <im jst so lost> <nd scard> <all of ths is nw 2 me> <we gt mrried whn i finishd hgh school. i rlied 2 hm on evrthng> <nd nw its jst all gne> <sry 2 nght evrthng jist cmes rshing dwn> <ill go 2 bed now night>    <Don't apologise. Being scared of the unknown is part of human nature.>    <Good night.>

***

The next day he waited for her in front of the hospital. He had come way too early so his thoughts turned into the previous day and to his... non-date. She had looked very pretty. Beautiful. He looked at his watch when he felt a light tap on his arm and turned around to find her standing next to him.

"Are you sure you want to come?" he asked.

"Of course! I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to."

Mitsunari sneaked into the first bathroom in the ward and a moment later when he emerged he expected her to laugh or... something. Instead, she looked at him earnestly, her expression serious.

"Are you ready?" she asked before she reached to straighten out a hair on his wig. He gave a firm nod before he headed out towards his mother's room.

"Mitsunari!" He stopped when he heard his name and sighed before he turned around to greet one of the nurses. "I see you brought your girlfriend today, how nice of you. Why haven't you told us before you have a girlfriend?" the nurse winked at him and he resisted the urge to either roll his eyes or facepalm.

"We're friends," he said at the same time she bowed.

"Thank you for taking care of Mitsunari," she said aloud. It was the first time Mitsunari had heard her speak. He missed completely when she introduced herself, his mind focused only on the sound of her voice, on the way she slowly pronounced each word, on the melody of her voice and he couldn't help but want to hear her voice again and again. He wanted to hear what she sounded like when she was happy, when she was excited, when she was sad. He felt selfish in his want, but still, he wanted her to show all sides of herself to him.

Mitsunari tugged on her arm and bowed to the nurse, repeating his earlier words of them being just friends, but it didn't wipe the knowing smile from the nurse's lips.

Just when he was about to knock on the door of his mother's room, he felt her take a hold of his hand and give it a firm squeeze. He held her hand a bit tighter too and knocked on the door.

"Mother? It's me, Saki."

"Saki! My beautiful, darling Saki!" He heard her voice before he saw her.

"Mother, I brought a friend with me." He stepped inside and gently pulled her in with him and introduced her.

"It is nice to meet you, Mrs Ishida." She bowed and his mother beamed at them. He didn't even remember when he had seen her looking so happy.

"I'm so happy Saki brought a friend with her! Come here, sit." His mother patted the bed beside her. She glanced at him and when he nodded she sat beside her.

"Thank you."

She paid close attention to his mother, turning every now and then to him for clarification. He felt like his mother recited every embarrassing thing he had ever done, his face burning hot with embarrassment under the makeup. A small (well, a big) consolation was hearing her laugh aloud, something he hadn't heard since the day after he had rescued her from her ex.

When his mother started to look tired he got up and nudged her arm.

"I think we should go now, mother. I'll come back soon."

"Please bring your lovely friend again too! It warms my heart to know you have such a good friend."

"I'll have to ask her..." he mumbled giving his mother a hug.

When he took her hand to lead her outside he could feel her hand tremble. He glanced at her, but her expression was a calm, calculated mask. As soon as they were outside of the door he let go of her hand.

"Your hands are trembling."

"You're imagining things," she replied with a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes.

"But-" he started, but was cut off when she turned away from him.

"Excuse me..." she hurried to the nearest bathroom leaving him to stare after her. He was still staring at the door when she emerged a moment later her eyes red and puffy.

“Sorry...” she forced a smile and as much as he wanted to ask, he decided not to pry was probably the best option.

“I’ll go change. We could... You could come for tea... if you want.” How did people ask others to hang out? It was apparent he was terrible at it.

“I’d love to.” This time the smile she gave him was genuine.

Their trip at his place was mostly filled with comfortable silence. She leaned against his shoulder on the train, dozing off every now and then. He concluded she must be tired but didn’t want to pry the reason why. She would tell him if she wanted to.

When they reached his apartment, Hideyoshi was already there, half asleep watching YouTube videos in the living room.

“Oh, heeey... I didn’t think you’d be back yet, you okay?” he mumbled waving his hand at his general direction without turning around.

“We came to make some food.”

“We? I thought you went to- oh hi!” Hideyoshi turned around to look at them and as soon as he saw her he waved at them awkwardly.

He laid over the handrest of the sofa looking at them while they unloaded the groceries and prepared the food.

Mitsunari sighed and turned to look at Hideyoshi, who had a bright smile on his lips as soon as he looked at him. “Do you want something? If you don’t, stop staring like a starved puppy. The mutt next door does a good enough job on that already without your help.”

"I thought you'd never ask me to join! It smells so good."

Hideyoshi made the table and they sat down to eat.

"So, what were you up today?" Hideyoshi asked filling his bowl with food.

"None of your business."

"So it was a secret date!"

Mitsunari was just about to reply when she coughed and reached for a glass of water her face starting to turn an adorable shade of red.

"Are you okay?" he asked her when she managed to gulp down some water her face still bright red.

"Why does Monkey think we went on a secret date?"

Mitsunari felt his cheeks start to burn out of embarrassment too, her embarrassment only increasing his own.

"I don't know! Stop inventing stupid nicknames to my friends."

"Shut it Manju-boy! You better tell Monkey-boy he has it all wrong. We are friends, nothing else."

Mitsunari translated her words to Hideyoshi who had been grinning knowingly at their mutual blushing, but he couldn't help the pang in his heart at her flat out refusal of them being on a date.

It must be so terrible to her to even think him as a man after what she had seen of him today. After all, she knew of him.

She would never see him in any other way than as a friend and realising that hurt way more than he thought it would. It hurt so much for a while he couldn't even think straight, yet alone be a part of the conversation.

"Mitsunari, did you hear what I said?" Hideyoshi's words brought him back to himself and when he glanced at her, even she was staring at him with a small frown between her (very beautiful) brows.

"No, my mind was elsewhere."

"In the gutter, I imagine?" Hideyoshi winked at him but all he could do was roll his eyes.

"You had *something* to say, so spit it out."

"Um, yeah, Nobu wants us to go play Wii next Sunday, why don't you two come too?"

"And he expects us just happily spend a Sunday dealing with utter torture?"

"There will be free food! Nothing beats free food."

"Fine..." he grumbled and turned to her, but her eyes were already sparkling. "A friend of ours wants us to go play Wii at his place on Sunday. Do you want to come?"

"Only if I get the promised free food you were talking about!"

***

The next Sunday they found themselves in front of a grand downtown building where Nobunaga's personal apartment was. She was staring at it her mouth agape.

"Your friend lives here?"

"Yeah."

"Wow..."

She held onto his sleeve when they entered the building, her eyes wide at the sight of the doorman and the security.

When the doors opened at the top floor she was stunned. He had to nearly drag her forward to meet their host.

Not that that went any better. As soon as she saw Nobunaga, she yanked at his sleeve until he was sure it would rip off.

"That's- that's O-da No-bu-na-ga!"

"I know. Now stop pulling my sleeve!"

"But... how?"

"Blame Hi-de-yo-shi, he always wants to drag me along..."

"Wait how does Monkey know him?"

He was about to reply when Nobunaga seemed to get bored of not being a part of the conversation.

"The least you could do was to introduce her."

As soon has he had managed to introduce her, Hideyoshi, who had come at the same time with them leant towards Nobunaga with a conspirational grin.

"You know, she's Mitsunari's 'special friend'"

"Oh, is she now?" Nobunaga had an amused smile on his lips when he eyed her.

"Stop making it sound so dirty," he huffed at them and took her hand to lead her away from the two men determined to misunderstand their relationship.

They found Hanbei huddled at a corner already, his nose deep in a book. He didn't pay any attention to them so they sat on the sofa next to him. She was tense, eying her surroundings like a caged animal before she turned to him.

"Just... how? You do know he's very famous, right?"

"Yes. But Hi-de-yo-shi keeps dragging me along every time..."

"You're playing Wii with the famous O-da No-bu-na-ga..." she repeated it to herself as if to make sure she understood correctly. Suddenly, she lifted her head and grasped his arm. "How did he know who I was?"

"It was him who offered to let you stay in the guestroom in the house. It's only used when someone in the Oda family has important guests over."

"Wait what? I thought that was where miss Oichi lives?"

"No, she was just staying over so you wouldn't have to be alone."

She buried her head in her hands for a while before she looked at him again, a hints of despair in her expression.

"How can I ever repay them?"

"You don't have to. Everyone wanted to help."

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Even though it ate him alive he’d had to ask for their help there was no way he would tell her that. He would repay them as soon as possible.

The atmosphere relaxed as more people showed up. She didn’t leave his side until her gaze shifted to all of the snacks Nobunaga had brought out.

"What a nasty little piggy you have found for yourself."

There were people he’d be glad if he never had to see ever again. Tokugawa Ieyasu was one of them. Even the existence of him made Mitsunari’s skin crawl with disgust, let alone hearing whatever hideous thing he had to say. Why Nobunaga kept inviting the man was beyond him.

"Shut your mouth, filthy tanuki!" he spat back at Ieyasu, his eyes on her. She kept happily showing a snack after snack into her mouth until she glanced at him.

She froze, her eyes travelling from him to Hideyoshi and back at him.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing."

"Why won't you tell me?" She looked around the room, at everyone staring at them and she shrank back, averting her eyes to the floor. She made a quick bow and fled the room.

He followed her to the entrance hall, where she was desperately hitting the button to call the elevator, her face turned away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She cast a quick glance at him before she averted her eyes again and dug out her phone.

<i dnt blong hre ill jst go> <tll evry1 im sry>

The doors slid open and she took a step towards the elevator, but he took a hold of her arm to stop her. He needed... wanted to know what was wrong with her. Why did she suddenly decide to run away from him.

She froze, standing completely still. He slowly let go of her arm and she quickly hugged herself. He was at loss at what to do. He followed her to the elevator, but she kept her eyes on the door, completely ignoring his presence.

Had he done something wrong? If he had, he had no idea what it might be or why had she reacted the way she had.

When they reached the ground floor he followed her out of the elevator but reached for her arm again, this time just to gently touch her. She turned to look at him, tears glistening on her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away, her lips pursed to stop the quiver of her lower lip.

"What happened?" he asked. She took her phone and fiddled with it for a moment and soon he heard his phone alert him of a new message.

<i dnt blng>

She turned around to walk out of the door, but he reached for her again.

"What do you mean? Explain." She was just about to look at her phone again when he tapped on her arm again. "Talk to me."

She turned her head away from him and he was just about to reach for her arm again when the security guard interrupted them.

"Is everything alrigh, miss?" he asked. She jumped a bit and looked at his face, a small frown between her brows.

"...sorry...?" she whispered.

"Is everything alright, miss? Is this man bothering you? Do you need a taxi to get you home?"

"Thank you, we're fine," Mitsunari interrupted.

"I was talking to the young lady, sir." The security guard gave him a stern look. She looked from him to the security guard, her expression guarded.

"...fine... no... taxi..." she mumbled.

"Could we talk somewhere a bit more private?" Mitsunari asked the security guard, who pointed them at a bench at the side of the entrance hall, hidden from the view by a large plant. He guided her to sit down and sat next to her touching her hand gently to get her to look at him.

"Talk to me, please?"

"This... everything was a bad idea. I should have listened to Yoshi, I’ll never fit in..."

@masamunesmistress @han-pan @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age @honeybeelily @dreamfar628

[intothestarkerverse]

Highway to Hell Pt. 3

Summary:  Once again, I will reveal no details about the story’s plot to respect spoilers for Endgame.  If you want to read the fic, click below and have at it, though! 

Read on AO3

Part 1, Part 2

Y’know, there are times when I think that nothing can surprise me anymore. Things I’ve seen. Things I’ve done. Call me jaded, but some part of me just expects my life to go to shit from one breath to the next.

Know what?

Scratch that.

Only time I’m actually surprised by anything anymore is when my life isn’t going to shit. So, this? This doesn’t even register on my scale of ‘what the fuck’.

At least, not until I see the kid.

Last thing I remember, I was getting dressed.

Actually slept last night. You know how fucking rare that is? Rare as a funny Carrot Top joke, that’s how fucking rare. I didn’t just get a good night’s sleep, I had a good dream, too. Can’t even remember the last time I had one of those. I had a kid. In the dream. Little boy. It was a good dream.

This? I don’t know what the fuck this is.

Day to night in the blink of an eye. Bedroom to dark alley and I didn’t even see the setting shift. I’m alone and now I’m here, squatting beside Peter Parker after he looks like he’s been hit by a damn steam roller. Y’know what’s worse? I can’t even tell what the fuck happened or who the fuck I should be killing for doing this to him. Doesn’t seem like he’s going to be talking anytime soon, either.

The kid is just clinging to my hand like it’s a lifeline, trying to speak but the words just aren’t coming.

The Iron Legion isn’t responding. At least one of the suits should have arrived by now, but the night is clear and the kid won’t let go of my hand long enough for me to activate the suit from it’s nanocasing. I can’t even raise Friday, which worries me more than anything else. Even my own AI is ignoring me…

There’s a strange, hesitating movement to the way Peter gropes with his free hand. Awkward. Ungainly. Finally, after several failed attempts and barely audible whimpers of frustration, he pulls the phone from his pocket, thumbs the screen to life and thrusts it towards me all without lifting more than his arm from the cold concrete.

The first thing I notice are the number of missed calls. A few are from May. That’s to be expected. The rest, and there are quite a few of them, are from someone listed as ‘The Wizard’ in his contacts. Just as I am trying to contemplate who this Wizard is and how Peter has a friend I’ve never heard of, the phone goes off in my hand.

Harry Potter theme ringtone. Cute, Kiddo. Cute.

I tap the green phone icon and lift it to my ear. The Wizard is already speaking and I don’t like the sound of him. He’s older. Not a kid. Probably closer to my age. Why is Peter getting this many phone calls from a man old enough to be his father? And no, that’s not jealousy. That’s not what I’m calling it, cause if I call it that…whole different can of worms I don’t even want to get into right now.

“Parker? Listen, I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear right now, I wish this could have been the answer, but trust me when I say it’s for the best. Please come back to the Sanctum, or go home to May, or go stay with Dr. Banner for the night. We’re all worried sick about you and this…this isn’t helping.”

“Are you done?” I ask, waiting impatiently for the man to finish his impassioned speech which gives me a few answers, but not many. “Now, care to tell me who this is?”

“Fuck.”

I pause, pulling back the phone a little to look at the display. Yep. The bastard hung up on me. Oh well, didn’t really want to talk to him anyway. I’m in the process of calling Happy for an assist when something catches my eye a little to the left. Sparks flying in midair, slowly growing into a circle that expands and expands until I can clearly see a house through the opening and a man in a decent D&D cosplay steps through with his brow knit in concern that only gets worse when he sees me. “The Wizard, I presume.” I mean, the kid had used the term ‘Wizard’, I don’t know why I’m surprised that he actually is one.

“Take your hands off the boy.”

I don’t like the way he thinks he can just make some hocus pocus and order me around. ”Willing to bet I saw him first, so…no.” I really wish Peter would let go of my hand long enough for me to activate the armor. I could force him to, but a part of me is afraid to break the physical contact. Something is seriously wrong with Peter, but he’s calm while he’s got my hand at least. “Who the hell are you and what makes you think you think you have the right to order me away from the kid?”

The wizard seems to be thinking about something, I don’t like the way he’s looking at me, but finally he waves a hand idly and the red cape around his shoulders flies off, winding its way around Peter’s limp form and slowly, gently, lifting him off of the ground.

“What do you think you’re…”

“’The Kid’ needs medical attention. He’s in shock. I can help him…and probably answer your questions while I’m at it. Just swallow your pride for five god damn minutes and…follow me.” He turns to walk back through the portal that has failed to close behind him through our whole exchange. He’s muttering to himself, and I can’t decide if he knows I can hear him or not. “At least I know you’re not an impostor, no one could convincingly fake an ego that size.”

The Wizard is not my favorite person.

Peter needs better friends.

Although I’m not excited to follow, the cape is taking Peter and I have to agree that the kid looks like he could use a little first aid. Since none of my resources seem to be working, this one seems like my only option. Peter, at least, seems to trust the man. And he said ‘Dr. Banner’, so is he a friend of Bruce’s too? Answers sound good just about now, so I follow, still not removing my hand from Peter’s as we step from the street into a room with an antique sofa and a roaring fire. The cape deposits Peter on the sofa and remains curled around him, the corner of the cape stroking affectionately at Peter’s cheek. The kid leans his head into it, and I’m not jealous of a damn piece of outerwear either. Just so you know.

Behind us, the portal closes and I find myself in a strange house in serious need of an interior decorator. The Wizard is ignoring me beyond practically pushing me away from Peter and forcing me to drop his hands. I really dis like this guy…and the whimper that Peter lets out when he break contact threatens to pull my beating heart from my chest. The kid is cognizant, at least I think he is, because he is following the Wizard’s instructions…albeit very slowly and only after he repeats them several times in a loud tone of voice. I remain quiet, only because I want to make sure Peter is okay, and because I don’t want to distract the Wizard just yet. Besides, I’m a little interested in what is going on over there.

“Peter?” The wizard checks his heart rate, checks his pupils, makes him follow a finger and after he presses a cup of tea and honey, that he had literally conjures from thin air, into the boy’s hands and forces him to drink it down, he follows up with a few questions that Peter is able to answer hoarsely. He loses me at the first question, but can you blame me?

“What day is it?”

“August 31st, 2023.”

When the Wizard doesn’t seem to be the least bit concerned about that, I have to speak up. “Uh, Gandalf, you aren’t going to follow up on that? The kid’s way off.”

The wizard glances up at me, lips set in a frown. “And what do you think the day is, Stark?”

“April 27th, 2018. Like I said, the kid is way off.”

When I give the correct date, Peter lets out a little squawk that is at once alarming and adorable, but that is neither here nor there. At least the kid recognized the actual date when he heard it, but where he got August 2023 from is beyond me. Peter is staring at me now, though he’s squinting his eyes in a way I’ve never seen him do before.

The wizard notices too. “Where do you keep your glasses, Peter?”

“Top drawer of my desk.” Peter answers softly. “In my room. Right hand side.”

With a few hand gestures, the wizard conjures another of those portals and his hand dips inside, drawing out a pair of wire rimmed glasses that he hands to Peter. Once they are sitting on his nose, Peter stops squinting and seems to relax, at least a little. I’m glad one of us can relax, because seeing Peter needing glasses has got me pretty fucking stressed…even if the glasses do give him an endearingly nerdy air that I can kind of dig… “What happened to sense being dialed to eleven, Pete?”

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Peter swallows hard before answering. “They’re not…anymore.”

The wizard lets out a long sigh, standing up and scrubbing a hand over his face. “The date Peter gave was correct, Stark. I wish I could be more tactful, but I have a feeling that the only way I’m going to get this through your thick skull is to be blunt. You died. Peter, here, has found a way to bring you back from the dead, even though I told him that it was impossible.”

“It wasn’t impossible.” Peter’s voice, though still hoarse, has a bit more force behind it now. “You lied to me, Dr. Strange. It wasn’t impossible because he’s here, isn’t he?”

“Wait. Wait I second. I died? What did the kid do, perform really good CPR?”

‘Dr. Strange’, that can’t be his real name, gives the kid a pointed look that has Peter staring into his lap and petting a free hand over the cape. “No, Mr. Stark. You died saving the world from Thanos and the infinity stones.”

I need to sit down. Clearly, I need to sit down. The story is a long one, though they should both be glad I don’t interrupt. Between the doc and the kid, I get a mixed up version of the story, but it gives me the jist of what happened. Not all of it, I can tell they’re both leaving things out, but…I don’t have the energy or the willpower to force them both to give me more answers then they already are. “Okay, so let me get this straight. Five years ago we fought an over-sized California raisin who wanted to use a magic glove to give the universe a mullet…he succeeded, it took us five damn years to figure out how to fix it…and in the process, I had to go all martyr/messiah and die to save the universe. But now I’m here, got no idea what the hell you’re even talking about…and somehow the kid did it which is why he looks like a goldfish in a blender. That about it, Mr. Wizard?”

“Doctor Strange, and yes…more or less.”

“The part that’s tripping me up here, and it’s probably not the part you think…is where you said you were trying to help the kid out in my absence. You know, look out for him, make sure he didn’t go and do anything stupid. Cause…me sitting here after I died, and him laying there looking like a spider-smoothie, seems like something pretty stupid that you should have stopped, right? I am right about that?” At least the doc doesn’t seem to be attempting to justify the shitty way he’s been looking after my Peter. “Okay, so how am I here, then, Kid? What did you do?” Nothing good, I can bet on that.”

“I made a deal with the devil.”

I don’t even have time to respond over the doc’s loud string of curses which he follows immediately with two quick questions. “What devil? Did he give you a name?”“There’s more than one?” Peter took the words right out of my mouth.

“Several, in fact. Did he give you a name, Peter?”

“He gave me the ‘word of Mephisto’.”

Okay, a part of me feels like I should be covering the kid’s ears. This language is a bit much, even for me, and I’ve never been accused of going light on the swear jar. “Who is Mephisto?” Obvious, question, I know, but someone has to ask it.

The doc turns on me now, almost as if he forgot I was even there. That doesn’t happen too often, let me tell you.

“He’s an extradimensional entity, built an entire dimension and persona based upon Earthly superstitions to portray himself as a devil and make deals with unsuspecting mortals.” Now I’m being ignored again, but I don’t mind, because the doc’s next question is exactly what I want to ask myself. “What did you have to give him, Peter?”

I think I already know. I hope I’m wrong. I gotta be wrong…

“My powers.”

Fuck.

“Fuck.” Well, Mr. Wizard and I are in agreement about this, at least. “Exact wording, Peter. What did you give him and what did you get in return? Wording is important.”

“I gave him my powers as of tonight…not like the bite never happened and stuff got undone, and I got Mr. Stark like he was the morning before the Black Order attacked not after when he might have been injured like he was on Titan or by the stones.”

“The morning of April 27th, 2018, that explains why he doesn’t remember me or the last five years…he hasn’t lived any of it.”

No wonder the kid needs glasses. No wonder he’s been acting strange. The kid gave up everything for me? “Why, Peter?” It’s the only thing I can think, the only question I have at that moment. “Why would you do something so…so stupid? Kid, I’m not worth that.”

“You are.” Peter argues, trying to rise from the couch but being pushed back by the cape. “You’re worth more than my powers, even. I would have given him my soul to get you back. I would have given him anything he wanted. For you…I’d give up anything.”

I don’t doubt that,and therein lies the problem.

Doctor Strange gives the boy a pitying look, turning another kind of gaze on me. Disapproval, perhaps? Something else, I can’t tell. No idea what the kid has told him since I died, but he must have told him something juicy because the Doc is calling the cape back to his shoulders. “I’m going to call Mrs. Parker and let her know that Peter is all right.

You two…probably have things you want to discuss in private.”

I really want to tell him not to leave me alone with the kid. I can’t. I don’t, but I want to. I’ve never known anyone willing to sacrifice so much for me before. Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me that it’s Peter doing the sacrificing. That kid loves with his whole heart, and all I ever really wanted was to be at the receiving end of it.

Now that I am, I feel like I’m the one going to hell…

[icravestrawberryflavoureddeath]

Okay here it is

I was gon wait but I feel like I need to get my thoughts on EVERYTHING out before it gets too complicated.

Honerva

Alright, I was totally on board for honerva, not gonna lie. We saw her history, how she fought through it all, what I’m curious about is, it’s not really clear HOW she exactly remembered she’s honerva and not the witch haggar.

I like how we saw how she got her name but there’s so much regarding timelines and ages that just,,, fuck me up? But I mean, sometimes u have to forgive those

But the main thing was, I feel like she was the most developed character in the entire season. I almost wanted to know more about her and what she was thinking. Honestly, all and all, I wish the season was longer or more well,,, organized (something I’ll get into later).

She could step on me. She’s earned the right. Also,,, she’s kind of a snack not gon lie.

Allura

I was gon wait, BUT ITS BOTHERING ME SO MUCH.

I am in love with allura I love her I would fight for her and everything, but this season? Even I was like “okay okay, can we plz hurry up?” She was,, annoying almost? She reminded me of Veronica lodge from Riverdale if that tells you anything.

I understand that there was some sort of whining needed, but,,, it felt,,, uhhhh... yeah.

anD OKAY! Maybe she suddenly liked Lance. I’ll believe that, cuz yes, he grew up so much (something I’ll also get to) but,,, like,,, if I told allura I was in love with her, would she kiss me?? Cuz that’s what it seems like. Anyone tells her they like and she’s like “frickin spunky u tiny man” and kisses them.

She didn’t even want to go with lance originally in the epsiode, romelle, hunk, and lance had to convince her. And it was meant as a “hey my family is making dinner u wanna come?”

Here’s my thing, if they would have written some of the klance moments (yes I’m finally going there) from the past seasons, I would have been all on board!! But as a lance Stan and someone who wants nothing but lance to be happy, this season,,, hurt. Allura was hurting and she wanted to take action, but she was portrayed as,,, whinny, almost selfish(?) and I didn’t like it. Because I LIKE ALLURA! She’s a great character but was not properly used. I didn’t want the entire tension to come down to her dating life. I wanted her to heal, and not have that being her needing a relationship.

And that brings me to my next part, she was hurting. Allura just had everything she thought she knew tangled into a mess and her first reaction? Date Lance. I would have been happy with this if it wasn’t done,,, like it was. And they made their relationship,,, seem,,, I don’t know how to describe it other than,,, forced? I don’t like using that word cuz of what it has meant for this ship but,,, idk I just wish it wasn’t her trying to heal that lead her to it. I wanted her to realize that voltron was her family without having to date lance. Idk I just wanted more

Lance

Now for my boi. I love this man, he’s grown so much, I want nothing more then his happiness, but this season? He wasn’t lance. He was “alluras boyfriend” and that bothered me. Every conversation that wasn’t about the war was about allura. And I get it. U “love” ur girlfriend (of like??? 1-2 months? Max (this well come back to. Again)) but he’s more then that and I don’t think they knew how to write him as a full character on his own.

I had more hopes for lance and it kind of let me down.

He talked with friends?? Allura. He wanted to go somewhere?? Allura. He wanted to- allura. He wasn’t lance, he was alluras boyfriend.

And don’t get me started in the paladins of old “my daughter” bull shit. I rolled my eyes so hard at that.

They wanted to makeup for seasons of rudeness within one season. And it was messy

Also,, WHY IS HE NOW ALTEAN?????? I’m sorry but it’s really strange.

Keith

I would talk about Keith but HE WAS JIST SHOUTING FORM VOLTRON AND THE. YEETING OUT. WTF

Like honestly, there was a lot I wanted to be covered, shit like the Bayard thing with lance, opening up more, more about his time with his mom but what did we get?? Just one note Keith (until lance which we’ll get to. I say that a lot).

Also someone get that boy a haircut

Speaking of haircuts - Matt and Pidge

This is a small list so their gonna be together.

HEWWO?? pidges hair in the beginning and her as the 80s pidge?? I loved that!! She honestly was one of my favourites this season.

Also MATHMATICS HOLT WTF U DOIN WITH THAT HAIR??! U cut off the locks of peRFECTION!

No but seriously, I wish there was more Mathew but that family picture and small scenes were amazing, I was just so happy with everything with pidge and Matt and I cry

Kinkade and the others

I say others cuz it’s background characters. But kinkade and his video? I cried the entire time for no reason other then I love that man.

Acxa was amazingly perfect to join the rag tag group of background characters. Veronica and acxa? Gay. Veronica has strong bi energy like lance and I wanted her and acxa to just get together.

James and kinkade? Gay. That’s it

LESBEENS!!!

Ships

U knew it was comin! I’ll make separate posts about the ships all together later (if I do) but seriously, voltron was like “fuck you and your grandma. Shut the fuck up” and then through a brick at us.

Also, they straight up said (multiple times) that lance allura and Keith were a love triangle. Like bitch???

And while allurance was kind of shitty and very in your face, she still kind of spoke down to him??

And like, the only two times lance and Keith spoke it was so soft and wholesome and,,, that’s why I ship klance???

He helped him with alluras death and DAMN they really did that huh?

I had a theory that klance was supposed to happen, but somewhere along the line they said “yeah, no” and had to rewrite it and allurance was the only way to go and that would explain a lot. It wasn’t a ship planned. It was thrown together like a collage students essay two hours before the deadline. U can tell they tried, just not enough.

Shiros man btw was is clear day date and that’s some cute shit

Plot

I wish they would have converted the honerva story line in the previous seasons so it wasn’t so,,, jumbled.

There were parts were I would zone out for a second and get so lost on the plot and who everyone was

Also thicc voltron/atlas was kinda,,, strange,, but I mean, when you meant to kill shiro and now u have him for the last season, u just hot glue that bitch to the final season script.

It was everywhere and no where at once. I felt like I was about to start watching fucking twilight in space at that point.

They called back a lot of old plot points but some had me going “whomest the fuck is u?” And some made me happy.

I wanted lowhore to come back officially not gon lie.

I WANTED THE BIG LANCE AND KEITH FIGHT SO BAD AND I WAS ROBBED

there’s so many problems with this season that would have been fixed with proper editing and timing

Conclusion

It felt like they started a story and knew what they wanted. But got half way and realized it wouldn’t work. They had to try and create a different ending with what they had made and this was the result. Messy, strange, and kind of hard to follow. There were times when animation fell flat ( that one screen shot of Veronica’s face real close up when her and acxa spoke) and times when, it felt like fan service (for who? Who knows). It would have been better if the show was episodic and not every four months a new season came out. It was rushed for released and it showed in the quality.

I wish it would have been better, everything we wanted, but that never was on option and we should have been prepared for that. But what can u do.