#wait no twilight vampires can have garlic im pretty sure

[milyas-girlblogging-era]

i feel so bad for vampires like i would be evil too if i couldn’t eat garlic bread that’s so fucking sad. what a miserable existence omg.

[billhaderlovebot]

vampire barry hcs.

@gazebros and i put together our collective genius again and created some self indulgent vampire hcs for our Babey.

after barry leaves the army, he's greeted by fuches.

a very old and very rude vampire who's never quite adapted to modern life as well as he thinks he has.

he turns barry himself, so that barry will have to do what he says. sire bond, and all that.

twilight wasn't lying about the excruciating pain stuff.

barry actually is pretty chill with being a vampire.

he's forgotten a lot of his time as a human, so he doesn't have much to compare it to.

he thinks it's cool that he doesn't have to sleep as much, and he can sleep for actual weeks at a time if he wants to.

the sunlight thing is a bummer.

he doesn't die, or anything, and he's usually okay if it's cloudy, but staying out too long in direct sunlight kinda hurts.

he's okay, apart from the whole, uh, blood sucking part.

he's okay with doing it to survive, but then he finds out what fuches really wants from him.

to kill for the sake of killing.

to get people out of the way.

and he has no choice.

he joins the acting class, he supposes, as an escape.

he hates how easy it is for him to kill.

he hates his own strength.

he's put his foot through the floor more than once while running down the stairs, late to class.

he's torn off the door and broken quite a few light switches, tearing them out of the ceiling.

he hates that he can sink his teeth into a human's throat as easily as if it were butter.

he hates that draining the life from someone is as effortless as it is. second nature.

he needs to be around humans, he finds.

he needs to remember that there's a reason for him being here.

not just to kill.

to live

and experience

and create a new life separate from the one he's forgotten so much about.

and in the acting class, he meets you.

and you're so wonderful.

you make him feel like he's alive.

his heart doesn't beat any longer, but he seems to forget about all that when he's with you.

and apparently, the thing about vampires being hopeless romantics is not a myth, because he falls for you so hard.

it doesn't take you long to figure out he's a vampire, either.

it was small things, really.

he was cold. and sometimes he didn't move for like... a solid hour.

also, um, his complete lack of reflection threw you.

but you were too far in love with him for it to bother you.

"so, were you waiting for me to ask you about your obvious vampirism?"

"huh?"

"barry, you're dead."

"oh. yeah. will you be my girlfriend, by the way?"

"fuck yeah."

the first time he kisses you, he ends up pushing you through the drywall of his apartment.

"holy shit, are you okay?"

"yeah, yeah, fine, i'm just... inside the wall."

"sorry."

"you're a good kisser."

you forget he's a vampire, sometimes.

when he's coming to stay at your house, and you go inside to make coffee or whatever, and notice that he hasn't come in with you.

he's just standing on the doorstep.

all polite and stuff.

just waiting.

in the rain.

"bear?"

"hm?"

"what are you-- oh!"

"yeah, you gotta invite me in."

"shit, sorry. come in."

"it's chill. wanna watch zack galifianakis?"

and then you spend the whole night debunking vampire myths.

it's 3am, and barry is ok because he doesn't need sleep for another few days.

you're sprawled on your bed, and he's running his fingers through your hair, and you're just staring up at him with The Biggest Heart Eyes.

and he knows he would do anything for you.

the human girl he fell in love with.

"your eyes are so beautiful."

that kinda stops him in his tracks.

"are they? i don't know what they look like."

"wait, you- don't you remember?"

"my human life is kinda... fuzzy? like trying to see through dirty water. and it's been about seven years since i've seen my own face. fuches burned all the pictures of me, all my records. took me off the grid."

and you lost your absolute Shit™

because that's fucked up.

because barry is the most beautiful man you've ever seen and he doesn't know what he looks like.

"they're blue. like, the softest blue. and kinda grey, too. and sometimes... when you laugh... you get these little eye crinkles-"

"im in love with you."

"that's the first time you've said that to me, barry."

"well, i am."

barry doesnt care much for how he looks, but he loves the way you describe him. so he lets you continue.

"your hair is brown. really... fluffy looking. i just want to touch it all the time, you really make shit hard for me."

he grins

"and my lips?"

"oh... soft."

"mhm."

and he kisses you so slow and soft and Your Heart Falls Out Of Your Ass.

barry is cold. he doesn't have blood. so. he's cold.

but he does feel it sometimes.

and there's not much he can do about it when he does.

"hi, i can't come to work today because my boyfriend doesn't generate body heat and hasn't slept in two weeks so i need to warm him up."

vampires don't sleep, my ass.

he's always falling asleep on your chest, or with his head in your lap listening to you talk about your day.

he can go without it for a long time, but he loves waking up next to you. he also just loves watching you sleep. listening to your breathing and your heartbeat. the rush of blood.

let's be real, sometimes he finds it hard to not, like, drink your blood.

but one feed and he's good for a couple weeks.

let's address the elephant in the room.

the sex thing.

y'all watch twilight and you're laughing because edward won't have sex with bella.

and barry completely has a straight face.

"no dude i could literally kill you."

"yeah, uh, that's never once stopped you."

breaking the bed Every Other Night.

his heightened senses and vampire awareness means he's So Good at sex.

his attitude to changing you is so relaxed.

he's kinda like. "yeah. if it happens, it happens. you get to be my girlfriend literally forever. that's pretty rad."

"so if you go at it too hard and snap my spine just change me quick."

neck kisses are his Thing.

they're so fucking hot.

vampire neck kisses? that's the dream.

barry can't eat garlic. it makes him sick.

apparently, he gives ZERO FUCKS.

he eats some of your homemade garlic bread and you spend half the night sat on the bathroom floor with him patting his back while he throws it up.

"barry, you stupid bitch."

he tried to drink animal blood once, too.

and again, he threw up.

"babe, i don't care if it's ethical, it's fucking disgusting."

he's always riled up when he comes home from a hit.

you can't be mad at him, because you know he doesn't have a choice.

it's considerably harder and more dangerous trying to calm down a vampire, though, so sometimes you sit there while he smashes things, and wait for him to finish so he can come and cry on you.

the circumstances under which he changes you are not pleasant.

fuches finds out about you. he finds out where barry has been hiding, and he beats you within an inch of your life.

and barry finds you in your apartment and he knows what happened.

you're beaten and broken and bloodied on the ground and he has to stop breathing because he can smell you and he could drain you right there if he doesn't watch himself.

and he's never been bothered about changing you but now it's happening.

now he's faced with your imminent death and he could very well lose you and he freezes up.

your eyes meet his frantically but he's not sure if you know he's there.

he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth, and he can taste the blood, and it almost pushes him over the edge.

he dips his head down to your neck, and the rush of blood he's become accustomed to is so much weaker.

your breathing is shallow.

"im sorry."

he knows this will hurt.

and it does. he has to take you somewhere, quick. because you scream until the screams don't sound like screams anymore.

he takes you to the same place fuches took him when he turned. it's a bunker, far enough away from anyone to rouse suspicion.

and he holds you to him while you writhe in pain and beg for him to kill you as the venom changes every cell in your body.

he can't do anything about it.

at some point, he doesn't know when,

you stop screaming.

you stop moving and breathing and he's worried that it hasn't worked.

that he's done it wrong.

but the change is visible.

your features are the same, but different.

your skin is as smooth as marble and almost as cold.

the way you move and speak and hold yourself is different.

but you're still you.

and you're alive.

and he kisses the remaining life from you as soon as you sit up.

"hello."

"hey, bear. that fuches guy is a bastard."

"i know."

"no, he really ripped into me."

"i know."

"thanks for not letting me die."

"no problem."

"i love you."

"i love you too."

though barry only has eight years of experience, it's still eight more than you have.

but you adapt to vampire life very easily.

somehow, you find your feet faster than he did.

"i think we should invest in a space heater."

"mhhm."

now that barry doesn't need to hold back, you have to retire to remote cabins for days at a time to fuck. because you don't get tired easily and you're very loud.

desks and walls and bedframes being literally obliterated.

really

at one point the bed falls through the floor

with the two of you on it

and you don't fucking notice.

you keep pretending to move countries to throw fuches off your trail.

it's kinda fun, setting up elaborate scent traps and making him think you're somewhere in europe when you've not actually left the state.

everyone at the acting class begins to wonder why the two of you look so good, but also so washed out.

"they're vampires, im telling you."

"shut the fuck up, man, what if they can hear us?"

y'all are so extra. drinking blood out of capri sun pouches and going out in the sun in huge sunhats and clout goggles.

going as stereotypical cloaked vampires for halloween and spending hours freaking people out in the hall of mirrors.

soft vampire love, guys.

y'all have napped for literal weeks at a time. just holding each other.

you just love each other so much.

let vampires be SOFT.

because you are.

barry just holds your face and looks at you. he's never going to be able to get over how fucking ethereal you are, even his heightened vampire sight can't take it in

"do you think that we're going to be this in love forever?"

"yeah."

"how are you sure?"

"because i can't function without you."

[slutforvampsandfangs]

OMG THAT'S SO TRUE! I SEE IT NOW

i feel so bad for vampires like i would be evil too if i couldn’t eat garlic bread that’s so fucking sad. what a miserable existence omg.