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ahundredtimesover · 1 year ago

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I Want You to Stay (11) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; mentions of childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; mention of past experience of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts, business/property devt, and book talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; sexual content (making out - I know, finally) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 23.5k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii so this was quite the wait! We have come to the climax of the story and I'm both excited and terrified to share this with you. I have nothing more to say other than see you on the other side! 🤭🤭

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight 🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

Whenever Jungkook creates some distance between you and him, you often understand it. It’s his default, you think, and after learning about the pain he harbors from his childhood, you’ve come to accept it. You expect it, even.

Recently though, he hasn’t been doing much of it. He often moves closer; sometimes, he lets you do it. Tonight, it’s both - he stands near you, he holds you, and he lets you slowly close the distance until you’re just a breath away. And for a brief moment, you think that he’d eliminate it altogether.

But you’re not in some fantasy world, so when he pulls away, you’re reminded of who you are and who he is and that sliver of hope goes up in flames.

“I—” he mumbles.

“I should go,” you interject, turning away so as not to see any more of the rejection in his eyes. “Have a good evening, Mr. Jeon.”

You grab your bag then rush outside, exhaling the breath you were holding in and letting the shame fill you up as fast as the elevator reaches the first floor. You want to run to rid yourself of the embarrassment, maybe be irresponsible for once and get drunk just to forget. Maybe when you wake up in the morning, you’ll find out it was all a dream - you didn’t actually want to kiss your boss, you didn’t actually think he’d kiss you back, and he didn’t actually pull away, as if it stung him to touch you, as if it hurt him to try.

But the thought doesn’t last long.

You get on a bus and convince yourself that staying sober tonight is a better option than reporting hungover to work tomorrow. You’ll feel embarrassed either way, but might as well be more professional about it, considering that what you’d almost done - and all the things you thought about - was nothing but that. You settle for just cup noodles for dinner; you don’t deserve anything nicer than that tonight.

Sleep doesn’t come until past one later in the evening. You spend much of your time tossing and turning, trying hard to erase the image of Jungkook so close to you.

But nothing works. All you see are his lips. All you can hear is his breathing. All you can smell is him.

You wake up four hours later, exhausted and incredibly anxious for the day. You want it to be over already, and you half think of calling in sick but you know that’ll be too obvious. It could set off alarm bells to Jungkook and he might call and ask how you are, and that’s something you can’t deal with either. So you power through and nap in the car, not wanting to converse with Mr. Ri because you might tell him everything should he ask the right questions.

Your plan of action is to engage with Jungkook as little as you can, in any way that’s possible. You play around with things in his kitchen and make sure you have your back turned when he exits from his gym. The energy drink and glass of water are on the counter and you sense him lingering before he finally walks to his bedroom. You let some time pass before going to his closet to prepare his accessories for the day, then head back out, cooking his omelet as slowly as you can.

The clearing of his throat lets you know he’s done, and you glance at him before placing the dishes on the table.

This isn’t the routine. You always fix his necktie once he shows up. It’s reflex for you, and you know that’s what he’s come to expect as well.

But you can’t bring yourself to do that right now. It’s basically like re-enacting what happened last night and you can’t promise yourself that you won’t want to kiss him again when he’s that close. You can’t look him in the eyes, you can’t take in his scent, you can’t hear his breathing without remembering how he felt like. You know you can’t have it again, so you won’t even torture yourself even more than you already are.

His tie is slightly off and it disturbs you. He doesn’t move but he doesn’t ask you to fix it.

You sigh to yourself. He’ll live.

You eat quickly and it’s a contrast to him picking on his food. You’re tempted to ask if the dish isn’t to his liking, but you told yourself not to start conversations or engage in anything outside of work matters, and you’ll stick to that for as long as possible.

“___.”

“Mr. Jeon, I’ve prepared your notes for today’s meetings,” you state before he could say anything more. “And I’m meeting with the marketing team about the additional promotional materials you wanted. Is there anything else you wish to add to the ones we talked about?”

“None for now. They can go ahead with my initial request,” he responds, his voice too soft than what you’re used to, but you don’t dare look up and meet his eyes.

You ask a few more questions and he responds accordingly. The silence is deafening and though you miss the playful banter that has become part of your mornings, you know you can’t get into that right now. Somehow, this is when you can’t act like everything’s normal. Your stupid mistake and foolish assumption is where you draw the line. You just hope the day ends quickly enough before you give in.

Both of you head down to the car. Before going inside, you hear Jungkook ask Mr. Ri how he looks and if his tie is fixed, and you internally smack your head for being so petty about this. You didn’t think that something seemingly trivial about your daily routine with him would affect you this much, as if it somehow threw things off-balance just because you were so afraid to be close. You realize now that you would look forward to those few seconds because that was the only time you had a reason to touch him.

But he’s everything you can’t desire and given that you almost crossed a line, you know you’re gonna have to slowly pull back. Not just with regards to your feelings but in everything, as you take a peek of your personal phone and see an email notification about an upcoming book launch from Rkive Publishing. You subscribed to their mailing list right after you met their director, and you’ve been sitting on his email address and the application letter you have yet to submit.

Since that encounter, you’ve been occasionally looking at other job opportunities in different fields. You realize that nothing much excites you. There’s not much you think is worth slaving your way for in this corporate jungle, and that while you’re currently part of that machine, the only thing that got you going these past eight years was the debt you had to pay.

You had your reasons to stay but being at this point when you’re ready to let that go, you’re realizing that there wasn’t much else about the job that got you truly excited. Sure, it was also the people, but they’re why you couldn’t leave. It wasn’t until the planning for the Arts Center that you felt you could truly be invested in a project and have impact on it, too; it just so happens that the man behind it is the reason why you have to step away. You know it’s the only way you could finally choose yourself and pursue what you want. At 31, you owe it to yourself to do that.

Your thoughts are disrupted when the familiar building comes into view, and you exit the car and head to your floor, trailing Jungkook this time instead of walking by his side as what you’ve come to do. You can tell that he notices the distance but you don’t want to address it. Being terrible at any form of confrontation, you don’t really want to acknowledge anything that happened. You’ll deal with him if he brings it up, and for all the times that you screwed up, you wish to the heavens that Jungkook lets this one go.

You head to your desk while he heads to his. You make him his coffee then ask him to sign some documents. You focus on his hands as he flips through the pages, preferring to look at those instead of his face. But it’s those fingers that pressed against you last night, and you shake your head at the memory, even if all you want is to feel them again.

You retrieve the papers, your heart stopping when he doesn’t let them go right away. Your eyes widen and you still don’t look at him, even as you anticipate him to say something.

“___.”

“Mr. Min asked to meet with you after lunch,” you cut him off again before he could say more.

“I know. That email was sent to you and me.”

“Yes, sir. I was just making sure.”

He lets go of the papers now and you bow before quickly heading out. You just know he had his eyebrows scrunched at you. He’s probably trying to make sense of how jittery you seem and though he may know why, you’re not sure if he knows why.

You get through the morning in one piece. You attend your meeting while Jungkook attends his own with his father. You grab a quick lunch with Do-hyun, whose narration of her love life takes up the whole half hour, then you return to your tasks once you finish.

Hyper-focused on the file you’re reviewing, Yoongi’s usually unenthusiastic greeting catches you off guard, causing your lips to miss the hot tea that you’re about to drink. You jerk, spilling all of it on you. You subsequently hit the saucer that’s on the edge of the table; it falls on the floor and breaks.

“Fuck!” You whisper yell, as you feel the drink pool on your skirt.

“Shit, is it burning?” Yoongi asks worriedly.

He immediately rushes to your side and grabs some paper towels from the cabinet, placing them on your lap and on the floor.

“Don’t move so you don’t spread the broken pieces,” he instructs. “Are you hurt?”

“No. I’m just uncomfortable,” you groan, with your knees awkwardly touching each other and your thighs squeezed to keep the liquid from spreading.

You’re at least in a black skirt but you know the stain will still be visible. That’s the least of your problems though, as Jungkook arrives from his meeting and heads to you with a folder, only to find Yoongi kneeling on the floor next to you. Jungkook’s eyes widen, seemingly scandalized at what this looks like, and they flit from you to his friend, whose calm face quickly turns into one of panic.

“She spilled her tea and the saucer broke,” Yoongi explains, raising the soiled paper towels as evidence. He tells you to move back so he can place them over the shards while Jungkook looks on intently. “Are you good? Do you have spare clothes?” Yoongi asks you.

“Uh, ye-yeah,” you manage to say, hating how frozen you seem to be. With the tea having been absorbed, you grab your bag from your cabinet, the one you’ve started to keep and bring with you during trips in case you get stranded again, then throw the towels in the trash bin. “I’ll just go get changed.”

You scurry towards the washroom and leave the men alone, knowing that Yoongi will hold the fort for both of you.

Back inside, Jungkook eyes Yoongi as he calls for maintenance to clean up the mess.

“She spilled her tea and the saucer broke,” Yoongi says again. “She couldn’t move and I just cleaned up.”

“I heard you the first time,” Jungkook states.

“Just making sure, so your mind doesn’t think of whatever it thinks about,” Yoongi shrugs. “But is she okay? She seems a bit out of it.”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook looks away. “Don’t you usually know those things?”

“Well, I assume that since you’ve gotten closer, you would know. Unless it’s about you… Were you mean to her again?”

Yoongi’s unusual scowl is one that Jungkook is secretly terrified of but he acts unaffected, merely shaking his head in response and to dismiss the assumption. He’ll admit that his friend’s statement is quite bittersweet, though. Yes, you and Jungkook have both gotten closer and there hasn’t been an incident in months where you could’ve had a reason to be down because of him.

Unless last night counts, which is something he’s still wrapping his head around.

He thinks back to that moment right by your desk. You were so close. And he was so close to doing something more than just holding onto your waist. He saw you eye his lips and he did the same but the realization of where you both were - in a semi-open space in the office - reminded him of his limits. Sure, it was after-hours and no one would have any reason to be on the floor at that time, but it still felt too exposed and he didn’t want either of you to be put in such a compromising position, even if every part of his body was aching to kiss you.

He wouldn’t have known you were talking about him if it weren’t for the way you held him close and that unfamiliar look of yearning in your eyes. At that moment, he let himself hope that he’s who you wanted, even if he’s also the same man you believed wouldn’t cross his boundaries for you.

Even then, you had been so bold, so honest. He wished he was as brave and as capable to express his desires as you were. He never thought you’d feel anything for him - him, the one who made your life miserable for weeks, the one who treated you unfairly because you made him feel - and want - things he couldn’t understand and control. Your calm and warm nature made him think he wasn’t anyone special. He dismissed whatever part of him that thought otherwise because he couldn’t hope for something he couldn’t have.

But last night, the way you looked at him also made him feel like all he desired was within reach, like you were within his grasp. Your lips were everything he wanted all over him. Your soft breaths were what he wanted to take in. You were all he wanted to taste and touch and hear, and he’d been so, so close to crossing a line that he said he wouldn’t because he was afraid it would push you away and that’s the last thing he wants to do.

He was overwhelmed but he was just as scared, believing that there’s no turning back if something had happened. He almost stepped over the line but pulled back just as quickly, and now it seems that that’s what’s keeping you at a distance. Because as you return to your desk, you merely bow at him then go through the folder of documents he’d given you.

“Yoongi and I will just meet for an hour,” he says. “Please be ready with the Arts Center opening event budget that I’ll go through with Hoseok later.”

“That’s noted, sir.”

Jungkook sighs in disappointment as you don’t spare him a glance. He just wants to see those eyes again, the ones that yearned for him last night, the ones that asked him - almost challenged him - to get closer. But he’d been the coward who let you go, and now he doesn’t know how to turn back from this.

He enters his room then turns around to face Yoongi.

“I feel so much and I don’t know what to do.”

“I know,” his friend hums, feeling relieved that Jungkook can now acknowledge something he’d known for a while now. But Yoongi also knows that it’s not that simple, and while he knows of the possibility that you feel the same, reciprocated feelings don’t always mean happy endings. “Just don’t… just don’t hurt her,” he adds.

“Why do I feel like whatever I do, it’s what I’ll end up doing anyway?”

“She’ll know when you mean it and when you don’t. And you know what helps?”

“What?”

“Letting her know that hurting her isn’t what you want to do. You’ve got a lot to say, Jungkook, I know it,” Yoongi remarks. “Just be brave enough to say them.”

Yoongi’s words linger in Jungkook’s mind for the rest of the day, especially during the times that he peeks through the window to get a glimpse of you. You seem determined not to look his way, as you don’t even attempt to look at his direction all afternoon. There is a lot he’s got to say, he just doesn’t know what they are or how to say them. It’s always been that way when it comes to you - he feels so much, but he's unable to let you know.

Despite your avoidance all day, he feels your absence even more when you leave at 6PM, on the dot, without sparing him a glance. He could run after you and ask to talk. He wouldn’t know how to start that conversation though, but if it would bring you to finally look at him or say his name, then it would be enough.

He just wants to know what last night meant for you. And if it means what he hopes it does, then maybe it isn’t about turning back but moving forward. He knows it will be complicated, but he wants to figure it out with you. He’ll choose the path where he gets to be around you, close to you. Always.

Jungkook pulls out the bottle of whiskey he keeps in his drawer to momentarily drown out these thoughts. For some, liquor gives them courage. For him, he drinks it because he’s afraid to be brave.

As he replays the way you looked at him last night, he wonders to himself what he’s more scared of - never having you close enough, or losing you completely.

The three films you watch in the cinema that Saturday afternoon are a good distraction to all the thoughts in your head. You occasionally do this because watching other people’s lives play out in film gives you something to ponder about. Sometimes, you let it inspire you to live differently. Other times, it allows you a peek into a life much more exciting than the one you have. In some instances, it gives you a sense of relief that yours is uneventful, lacking in drama and intrigue.

At this moment, you’re not quite sure what you want out of it other than to forget. What exactly, you’re not sure. Is it the way you felt when Jungkook held you? Is it the way he seemed to want more and then nothing at all? Or is it the hope you had that you’d found someone you were willing to give a bit of yourself to, only for the glass to shatter because that’s not what you do - you don’t desire for things not meant for you; you don’t open yourself to heartbreak like that.

Jungkook has always made you feel a lot of things. This time is no different. But this time it also means more. You could lose him completely or have something with him that could be beautiful. One would hurt right away and the other could hurt you down the road. You don’t know which one you’re willing to suffer through.

Suddenly you wish you didn’t get to this point at all. You could’ve left when you had the chance. You could’ve let him not mean to you this much.

You continue to wallow in the sadness. You eat dinner at a ramen place before going home and settling in bed with your best friends on video call. You tell them about the past two days and narrate your moments with Jungkook during the team building that you left out when you spoke to them about it. Looking at them through the screen, you see a mix of understanding and frustration on their faces.

“Why are you avoiding him, hun?” Soomin asks, her eyes soft and comforting.

“Because I’m so embarrassed,” you groan, burying your face on the pillow. “I was so… shameless. I don’t even know what got into me. He just looked at me and I… lost all sense. Who was I to assume that moment would end well? That he’d reciprocate that honesty?”

“And you think not talking about it will rid you of that embarrassment?” She wonders.

“No. But it’s at least better than facing it,” you frown. “I’m not good with words nor feelings. And I’m sure that neither is he. I’m just trying to be professional now because I obviously wasn’t.”

You leave out your fears about meeting his eyes and hearing what he has to say. Even if he returns whatever you feel, there’s so much burden tied to that and you don’t think you’re ready for it. You don’t think you’re ready for any of this.

“It doesn’t seem sustainable though,” Soomin points out. “You’re together all the time. You’ve created a routine and a dynamic that you’ve gotten so used to. It takes more effort to avoid the whole thing, don’t you think?”

“I guess but… we’re all busy with the Arts Center opening. And I plan on tending my resignation right after,” you explain. “There’s no time to talk about feelings. I’ll just let it die down. It’s stupid to have them in the first place.”

The prolonged silence prompts you to turn towards her. “You don’t agree with me, do you?”

“I just don’t think it’s stupid to be feeling what you’re feeling,” Soomin replies. “You spend so much time together. You’re bound to form some attachment and develop affection for him, regardless of how things started. I mean, through all the late-nights and early mornings and stresses and comfort in between, there’s something only two of you share and understand. That’s not stupid. That’s how connections are formed, hun.”

Attachment. Connection. They terrify you but they’re things that you desire as well. You don’t know how deep they are when it comes to Jungkook and you don’t know if they’re something he feels towards you, too.

“Maybe you’re just trying to convince yourself that it isn’t that serious,” she adds. “Maybe it’s because you know that it is, and you don’t know if it’s worth pursuing, if it’s worth finding out if he returns it and if being with him is something that can happen.”

You look away, knowing the truth in her words. You turn to Jimin, who’s been unusually quiet all evening.

“What do you think Jimin?” You ask him. “I mean, it’s one thing to feel something and another to act on it and risk everything for it, right?”

“There’s always something you risk once you acknowledge what you feel for another person,” he says after pondering about it. “For me, acting on it just depends on two things. Is it good for me, and is it good for them? In your case, it’s something to really think about. You’re you and he’s him. And you know what I mean. You’ve been wanting to walk away from this company for years, ___. You wanna be something outside of it. How does being with your boss help with that?”

Jimin’s words remind you of something else you’ve been yearning for - that search for who you are outside of your work, outside of all the years you spent working for this family that have become a core part of who you are. For people like you who have to work extra hard for the things you have, it becomes natural for your job to define you as a means of survival. It doesn’t give you power nor influence; it just gives you a means to get to the next day and to give back to the one person who sacrificed everything for you.

As the years went by, it became more difficult to pull away. This family trusts you, and your confidence has only ever increased as an employee of this company, but not as a professional. You’ve been wanting to learn who you are without the burdens you carry, without the need to constantly prove yourself to the people who helped make you, and Jungkook ties you to all this. Whether it’s pursuing him or working for him, you’re afraid you’ll never be brave enough to do things on your own.

You weren’t supposed to be this attached. You weren’t supposed to be this invested. You weren’t supposed to want to be wanted back.

But Jungkook made you care. He made you feel. He made you be brave. And he’s now the one you have to pull away from.

“You’re right,” you sigh. “Maybe in a way, I needed this to happen. I needed this… moment to remind me that I have to leave and I can’t let him be another reason for me to stay, not when I feel what I feel, and not when I don’t know if he feels the same way.”

“What if he does, though?” Soomin asks. “And what if he asks you to stay?”

“Thinking about it now, I hope he doesn’t,” you say. “It’d be much easier for me if he just lets me go. I can finally walk away from all this. And I can get over what I feel.”

“Is that what you really want?” Soomin adds.

You nod in response. “At least I know I’ll be happy outside of working for the company. Who knows what having him in my life would bring me?”

The book cafe in Mapo district boasts of an elegant yet comfortable design. It has three levels that consist of a library and working spaces, but it’s on the first floor that you find yourself in, tucked in one of the corner tables at the back with your iced coffee and fruit tart.

You listen in awe as the author reads excerpts from her newly released book, which she narrates with vigor and emotion. She answers questions about her purpose for writing this specific story, the inspiration for the characters, and interesting things like who she’d cast if it were to become a movie and what the playlist would sound like. It’s the first book launch you’ve ever been to, and despite not being an avid reader, you have a feeling that it won’t be your last.

There’s something about the storytelling and the process of creating something that captivates you. There’s not much of that in your world. It’s all numbers and profits. It’s soulless, if you’re being honest. It doesn’t give you time to feel or live in the moment or actually bask in the work that you do. You’re there to support, to assist, and while that used to be something you were proud of, the past year has made you think that it’s truly time to move on from it. It’s made you desensitized to things like joy and hope and love, which prompts you to realize that those are what have been missing. Working on the Arts Center gave you a taste of it. You’ve come to the point where you want to know how those truly feel like, and the job has hindered you from fully finding it out.

All your emotions for Jungkook take a backseat the more you think about what your life could be, especially while you watch Namjoon gather what seems to be his team, as he congratulates them for a successful launch. They’re all in casual clothes, looking relaxed, relieved, and fulfilled as the event comes to a close and several people approach the author and ask her to sign their books. You can imagine the stress leading up to all this, but there’s satisfaction in putting together something this intimate and meaningful.

“You made it,” the man with the soft smile says, the child-like innocence of his face, a contrast to his very masculine build. “I’m glad those newsletters and email invites work.”

“I think they’re the only ones I actually read,” you say, earning you a brighter smile from him. “But honestly though, it helps that a book cafe is something I wouldn’t mind being in on a Sunday morning.”

“Exactly!” Namjoon beams. “It’s easy to make it a part of your weekend. Whether it translates to immediate sales isn’t the whole point, although that’s great, don’t get me wrong. But as long as there’s foot traffic and increased interest, then it’s a success. Our launches have been gaining traction on social media. And the—shit, sorry. I’m rambling again,” he chuckles. “I doubt you came here with the intention of listening to me talk about what we do and stuff.”

“Oh, I don’t mind at all,” you assure him. “I don’t actually go to things like this but I thought it might be a good way to have a feel of what it’s like working for your company without inconveniencing you. I mean, I haven’t applied yet but I just wanted to see if this is something I’d enjoy doing.”

“And?” He asks in anticipation.

“It kind of is,” you admit. “I don’t know. There’s just something so personal about it.”

“There really is,” Namjoon nods.

His face turns serious now, something that happens when he’s about to go on a speech about whatever it is he feels strongly about. He’s expressive and it’s quite captivating, which is refreshing in a colleague, you realize.

Sitting across from you in your little nook in the cafe, he talks about the journey of this whole process, how he reached out to the author who turned out was trying to contact him as well. He was hoping to publish one of her manuscripts that was shared to him by a friend, but she offered this one instead, a very personal story that she trusted his company would do justice.

“I sat the whole team down and told them what this means for her as an author and as a person, and what that in turn could mean to the readers,” he continues. “There’s so much responsibility but the return is worth more than you could imagine. Of course, it’s not always easy. We have a relatively small team for the amount of things that we have to do but it works. Communication is smooth, accountability is shared, and we build our trust and respect in each other that way. I think that makes it even more worth it in the end.”

“You’re really trying to lure me in, aren’t you?” You laugh.

“Pretty much,” he chuckles. “I just think our meetings are serendipitous. There were two people who were supposed to take on the role but they backed out last minute - on both cases, I see you the next day. The universe probably has plans.”

“It probably does,” you nod, slowly believing him. “The only reason why I haven’t applied yet is because this is all so new to me and I may not be what you’re looking for.”

“But it could be that we’re what you’re looking for,” he counters. “Even if the industry is new to you, if it’s a place you’re comfortable in and that you think will help you grow professionally, then you become what we need. It’s give and take, really. Your approach to the work impacts how you do it. Yes, it’s still a job but it also means a lot more.”

“You’re very good at this,” you say, feeling more at ease as you speak with him, a stranger who has no idea what you’re going through but is somehow saying the exact things you need to hear. “I just have a timeline I’m working around. My company has an important thing coming up in several weeks and I don’t want to leave before then. It’s also why I’ve been delaying applying.”

“Hey, if we see that we’re a good fit for each other, then we can work around your timeline,” he says. “To help with that, maybe we can chat more casually to relieve you of the pressure. I have some things to return to the office not far from here and you can tell me a bit about the work that you do. What do you think?”

It’s a suggestion you take up, so you both start walking a few streets down to a mid-rise building, a structure that sits amidst cozy cafes and small parks.

The Rkive Publishing office is spacious. Instead of solo desks, there are large tables so there are more opportunities for collaborations, but there are small meeting rooms and private spaces as well. There are floor-to-ceiling windows, shelves that are lined with hundreds of books, and quirky art pieces that give the place a unique yet personal touch. It’s leagues different from what you’re used to, and as you appreciate the way the sunlight makes the whole place glow, you start to think that Namjoon may be right - this might just be what you’re looking for.

You disclose who you work for then tell him your functions, narrate how a usual day looks like, and mention the types of people you usually engage with. But you share how you’ve felt lost in the chaos of everything and that you’ve been trying to find purpose in it but have been unable to.

Namjoon purses his lips, attempting to hide a smile, but you call him out on it.

“I’m just trying not to get too excited,” he reasons, giving in and chuckling now. “We need organization, a sense of urgency, a kind of professionalism that someone of your caliber could bring. I don’t want to get my hopes up and yes, there’s a process, but I hope you give us a chance.”

It’s easy to think that this man has no idea what he’s saying, but he’s been talking about going with his gut feeling all morning - he’s said as much that following his heart and doing what feels right for him allowed him to turn the company into what it is right now. Maybe meeting the first time was just a coincidence, but the pull of the universe - of you to this environment and him to you - is just too strong that you can’t help but think that maybe this is the next step for you. For all the challenges you went through all these years, maybe you deserve something a little more smooth sailing this time.

You don’t make any promises but you do assure him that you’ll send him an email. There are obviously other pressing matters that you have to deal with but this has been a good distraction, one that you allow to preoccupy you for the rest of the day.

After saying goodbye, you walk around the neighborhood and spend the afternoon by the river where you wonder about the people surrounding you.

What dilemmas are they facing? What heartbreaks are they trying to move on from? What new adventure are they preparing for? Or maybe, who are they trying to forget? Who’s waiting at home for them? Are they watching the sunset because they know it’s beautiful or because they’ve forgotten that it is?

You let out a breath once the sun has dipped and the sky has turned a dark shade of blue. You feel a mix of awe at its beauty and disappointment because the day has come to an end. You once more have to face the person you’ve been trying not to think about all weekend.

Giving yourself a pep talk, you go to bed that night with the plan of continuing what you did last Friday, which is avoiding any moments and any chances of talking about what happened. If Jungkook brings it up, then you’ll just have to face it and ask him to forget about that night and then deal with the consequences after. But there’s no way that you’ll say anything first; you’ll ride this out for as long as you can.

Avoiding talking to Jungkook about non-work matters - which is really what you only intended to do - is much more difficult when you have to pretend you don’t care about him.

That Monday morning, you stop yourself from asking how he’s doing after spotting the empty whiskey bottle and beer cans in his kitchen bin. While you give him the usual hangover remedy, you stop short of suggesting that he get some rest or buying him his favorite lunch dish.

During the meeting that you accompany him to in the afternoon, you watch him helplessly as his father hounds him with questions about the other projects, adding even more pressure than what he’s currently under, and you look away when he tries to meet your eyes. You used to send him encouragement through your gentle nods and soft smiles but you’re scared you’ll fall into your feelings once again if you do them, knowing that any sign of him needing you is all it would take for you to give in and talk to him, maybe comfort him.

You’ve become so weak for him, you realize that now. His detachment used to put you off and frustrate you, but knowing him the way you do, it’s what makes you want to be there for him; it’s what makes you want to assure him that you’re just there.

But you aren’t, because you’re pushing him away. You’re making him go through his confusion and stress and exhaustion all on his own because you’re a coward, too. You’re scared of your own feelings. You’re scared of them being rejected and you’re scared of them being returned. You didn’t realize just how much you are because you never actually felt something this deeply for anyone, and that terrifies you even more.

Watching him from your desk as he pores through documents on his laptop is hard, too. You’re done for the day but he’s said earlier that he’ll be staying late to finish a few things because there are many distractions at his place. You want to tell him they can wait, that he’ll need to rest and regain his energy for the week ahead, or that some fresh air could help clear his mind.

But you don’t. Instead, you pack your things and head out, knowing that much as it’s your decision to force this distance between both of you, it’s still something you wish you didn’t have to do. You don’t know how long you can sustain it, but somehow you know that once he gives in, so will you, and so all this might as well just be useless or even worse for you.

Mr. Ri picks up on the change the next morning, as he asks if you and Jungkook had an argument on the way to his penthouse.

“There was no argument, ” you answer. “There’s just a lot on my mind and he’s a big part of that. I just… I just don't know how to deal with things, you know?”

“Things like what?” Mr. Ri asks.

“Feelings,” you sigh. “I mean, you said they can’t be helped. And you’re right, I can’t. That’s my big problem right now.”

“Oh, ___,” he says, softly smiling through the rear view mirror.

You can tell he’s trying to comfort you, something he’s told you before he’s unsure how to do. You brush him off, saying you’ll figure it out, and he assures you that you could talk to him and that maybe, you need to just let it out to someone who knows what you’re battling against. You express your appreciation then inhale deeply once you arrive at Jungkook’s building.

The clanking sound of plates surprises you when you enter the penthouse. You walk cautiously towards the kitchen and find Jungkook already dressed in his work attire, placing the basket of toasted bread in the middle of the dining table where you spot the two plates with eggs in each. You wonder if you’re late, given that he’d gone ahead and made breakfast for both of you already.

“You’re on time,” he says after seeing you check your watch. “I was just up early. I couldn’t really sleep. I think I have too much on my mind.”

“I still could have made this for you,” you say so softly, Jungkook almost misses it.

“I didn’t mind,” he answers, wanting to say more, like that he thought it would be nice to make something for you for a change, or that he hopes you could see the effort.

But he keeps them to himself, just like the many other things that he doesn’t feel ready to verbalize. He hasn’t stopped thinking about you since Thursday night, and he thinks that the distance you’re creating has made his desire even stronger, but so has the fear.

He spent the weekend downing alcohol and then boxing for hours to get rid of the hangover. The lemon ginger tea he made didn’t really work. He placed the bandage on his beat-up knuckles incorrectly, not like how perfectly you’d done it once. And the chicken noodle soup he ordered when he wasn’t feeling well last night didn’t taste as good as yours.

His mornings aren’t the same without the briefest touch from you from fixing his tie, or from the casual conversations during breakfast or in the car. There’s not much of your voice or your laughter that he hears, and definitely none of your smile that always encouraged him, that always assured him. This continues for the rest of the day, as he barely feels your presence unless he asks for it. And even then, it almost feels like you’re not there at all.

He feels so lost without you, unable to focus and function properly without your guidance and your care. He doesn’t know how or when he’s allowed himself to need you this much but it all feels so new yet familiar. All he wants is to be near you again but he admits that seeing you consistently pull away hurts him more than anything.

It’s why that Wednesday, he settles for only minimal glances at you in the car, why he conducts his morning meeting in a cafe instead, why he has the blinds on in his room all afternoon, and why he stays to work late and informs you that he’ll go straight to the Arts Center the next day so he’ll just meet you in the office.

He does all those so he’s forced to be around you less, so he doesn’t look up from his desk to find out that you don’t look his way anymore, so that it’s less difficult when you don’t do your usual routine with him. He at least won’t feel as bad when you don’t ask how he’s feeling if you don’t see him look terrible in the morning after not being able to sleep, or when you don’t fix his necktie for the fifth time this past week if he’s not around you in the first place.

You’ve been going out of your way to avoid him and if he had a bit more courage, he’d probably be able to ask what Thursday night was about and if you’d really wanted to kiss him like he did.

But he’s afraid of two things - that you’d ask him to forget all of it, or that you’d both have to figure out how to move forward if the feelings are indeed mutual. There are so many things that could go wrong but just as many that could go right - he’s scared to hurt you either way. And like he’s always said, he doesn’t know how to handle all of this; he doesn’t know how to talk about what he feels.

Thursday morning comes and while you’re relieved that you don’t have to tiptoe around Jungkook again in his own apartment and feel suffocated by the tension, you won’t lie and say that you deeply felt his absence. You also won’t deny that seeing him walk towards his office without sparing you a glance hurt you a little. You know him enough that he’s probably giving you the space that you’ve insisted on, but still, a part of you wonders if he’s just accepted it, too.

And when you hand him his notes for his late afternoon meeting then when he leaves for the CEO’s office without a look of acknowledgment, you worry that he’s become impatient, that he’ll keep pulling away for as long as you are, and that you’ll be so far apart that you’ll start to wonder if you’d come close to him at all.

But you did this, you remind yourself. You’d been the one to get close, to expect, and then to detach because you were so afraid of what would happen next, and what that would mean for you. He’s probably the last thread you’re holding onto, connecting you to this world that you’ve been planning on leaving for so long. Maybe you’re also scared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and the last thing you want is for him to be the reason why you can’t let go, and then resent him for it.

You sigh in your seat as the various thoughts plague your mind. You decide to go to the pantry for a cup of tea, knowing you have some time before Jungkook’s meeting with his father is scheduled to end.

The support team’s office is unnervingly quiet at 7PM with only Mr. Ri around, shaking his leg against the chair while browsing on his desktop. He greets you when you enter and then joins you to make his cup of coffee - his fourth for the day, he says - before you both head out the pantry and sit by the meeting table.

There aren’t any words said as you both blow away the steam from your respective hot drinks, merely letting the tranquility of the evening envelop the two of you. A few minutes pass and Mr. Ri finally looks up and asks why you’re still here, to which you reply that you wanted to be around when Jungkook’s meeting finishes in case he needs you to do something.

“There’s no need to drop me home,” you tell him. “I can manage on my own.”

“You know Jungkook won’t like that,” Mr. Ri responds. “He has strict instructions to drive for you whenever you stay out late. I can’t and won’t disobey those orders.”

You know this, which is why you sit in silence with your hands on your lap as if you’re being scolded, and you nod.

“Okay,” you say softly.

“He’s worried, you know?” Mr. Ri says after a while. “He’s been asking me how you’re doing, as if you’re not at the point in your relationship where he can directly talk to you. But I’ve actually been worried about him this past week. He stays up late to work, then goes home to work out. He’s not himself lately, always out of it and just… sad.”

“Did he… did he say anything else? About us, specifically?”

“He didn’t tell me if anything happened but I’m guessing something did, something serious enough that you’d avoid him for days and personal enough that he won’t confront you about it.”

Your face falls, guilt painting it, something Mr. Ri picks up.

“It’s about your feelings, isn’t it?” He asks. “You like him and you can no longer deny it.”

You nod in confirmation, unable to verbalize the words that your heart has been screaming for weeks.

“Is it so hard to admit? Is it so hard to talk about?” The older man asks. “I mean, he doesn’t tell me anything but I’ve known that man his whole life, ___. I’ll bet a lot and say that he feels the same way about you. Why are you both putting all your effort into avoiding each other instead of talking it out?”

“Because you know us, Mr. Ri. We’re the worst at these things,” you shake your head, choosing to disregard his statement that Jungkook may be reciprocating the feelings, knowing you’re not ready to think about it. “And you know this, too. It’s not just about what I feel. It’s about who he is and who I am and what those imply. It’s this complicated situation that I wouldn’t even be in if I just… if I was just strong enough to leave the first time. Or the second time.”

“Hey, you know it wasn’t about that,” he says. “You were always strong. You held on even when things were difficult—”

“Yeah, I just held on and now I’m here, caught in between liking my boss and wanting to stay away from him, from his family,” you groan in frustration.

But you utter the thoughts that you only rarely entertain, only because they’re what held you back all those years ago.

“Am I being selfish, for wanting to leave after everything?” You ask. “They’ve been so good to me. And now that I crossed the line and fell for their son, I want to let everything go.”

“Is that really why you want to resign? Because you like Jungkook?”

“No… it isn’t just about that,” you sigh. “Or it is. A big part of it, but also not. I… you know I’ve been thinking about this since the whole thing with Mrs. Byun happened, and that was six years ago. But then CEO Jeon asked me to help Hoseok and I stayed. And it was even more important for him that I be there for Jungkook. And I am but now what? How can I continue knowing that I like him? And how can I find myself and learn who I am outside of this when I’m here, when this is all I’ve ever known and all I’ve ever given myself to? They’ll always be good to me. I feel selfish by staying, but I also feel that way if I leave.”

“None of that makes you selfish, ___. You always had a reason to leave and you could have, but there was also always gonna be a reason for you to stay,” he says. “But they were their reasons, not yours. Whether you stay despite what you feel for Jungkook or leave to find yourself and seek the happiness you deserve, you’re not being selfish.”

You look at the man whom you’ve known for years and he sees in your eyes a woman who’s just asking for any kind of comfort, of any kind of assurance because no else is around to do that.

“We do what we can at every moment, and we can live with our choices if we know they’re the best one we can make at that time,” he continues. “Whatever it is you decide to do, I hope you do it for you. You’re the only person you have to look out for.”

Right outside the door, Jungkook remains unmoving as he processes everything he’d heard, while you continue to talk inside, completely oblivious to how you’ve rendered him paralyzed.

Jungkook’s meeting with his father ended much sooner than he expected. They merely discussed some happenings with the Board and the lunch that they’ll be hosting on Saturday to welcome some of their family’s long-time friends who are flying in from Europe.

He headed to the support office immediately to tell Mr. Ri that he plans to go home soon but hadn’t known you were there as well. But then again, you and their trusted aide - who’s been his father’s chauffeur, bodyguard, and personal assistant for decades - spend a lot of time together, so it didn’t feel off to Jungkook that you’d both be talking. He’s asked the older man to look out for you, too, especially with regards to things that he feels isn’t really his place.

Jungkook didn’t hear much at first, initially deciding to just walk back to his office and call, but once he heard Mr. Ri asking you about resigning, he stopped in his tracks. He felt foolish to be listening in on a conversation he’s not a part of, especially since it’s also because of him.

It should’ve delighted him to hear you say that you like him. Jungkook could’ve only dreamt up that reality and it still feels surreal. You didn’t have a reason to lie and the fact that he isn’t the only one seemingly overwhelmed by his own feelings should be a good thing.

But that also seems to be your reason for wanting to leave, and the thought breaks his heart in ways he can’t explain. You’ve apparently been planning on leaving for years but never got around to do so. If you stayed when his father asked you to, would you do the same if he asked? And he believes that up until last week, your relationship had become the most comfortable it’s ever been. You seem happy here, but why did it also seem like you just wanted to get away?

The thoughts make his head hurt, and while a part of him wishes he hadn’t heard anything, he at least knows you plan on leaving. And that’s something he absolutely cannot bear.

The sounds of the chairs being fixed disrupt his thoughts. When he hears Mr. Ri suggest that you should start packing up, Jungkook quietly walks back to his office and nonchalantly calls the older man to inform him that he plans on staying up late and that he should drop you home already. If Mr. Ri notices the odd tone of his voice, he doesn’t say anything. He merely expresses his confirmation and not long after, Jungkook hears some shuffling outside his closed door.

“Is there anything you need from me before I leave, Mr. Jeon?” You call out, the walls in between both of you feeling higher and thicker than ever before.

He knows that you know that he no longer asks you to do anything at this hour, and he comforts himself by thinking that it’s your way of letting him know that you’re still there. But the thought is short-lived, as he once again plays the conversation he’d overheard in his mind.

“There’s none,” he says pointedly. “You may leave.”

It takes a while but he eventually hears you walk out. Jungkook feels himself breathe for the first time in the last 15 minutes, before he feels suffocated once again.

Maybe pulling away last week when he’d been so close gave you the idea that he didn’t want you at all, and maybe that had affected you more than he expected. Maybe him, creating more distance that you’d initiated, made you think that that’s what he wanted after all that. Perhaps his being a coward in facing his own feelings had pushed you away, too, and if you’re scared of what you feel for him, maybe letting you know that he feels the same way is what will make you stay. He could be the happiness you’re searching for, Jungkook convinces himself. He could be what you want and need.

And he already knows that you’re all that for him. Whatever rules he created for himself and the limits he imposed are all pointless if he doesn’t have you around at the end of it. If his life after all this doesn’t have you in it, there’s no happiness for him. A new job for you could take you anywhere, maybe far away from where he is; it could lead you to someone, someone who isn’t him.

He hates that an overheard conversation about you resigning is what will take for him to finally be honest about what he feels for you. And that potentially losing you by his side is the push he needs to let you know that he wants you, that he wants everything with you, and that he hopes you want the same.

It’s 9:30 PM by the time he enters the car, his head hazy from the two glasses of whiskey he had. Mr. Ri calls him out on another night of him drinking in the office and orders him to get straight to bed like he’d done a few times before when Jungkook had been too stressed and too stubborn to rest. He merely nods though but he follows through, skipping dinner then mindlessly taking a shower before falling asleep in bed after finishing a bottle of beer.

The ringing of the alarm causes Jungkook to grunt and turn off his phone for the peace and quiet that he needs, given the throbbing of his head. But in the silence, he hears the soft knocks on his door, so consistent that he decides to just open it and ask the person on the other side to stop.

But of course, it’s you, and the way you quickly turn your head away reminds him that he’s got nothing but his sweatpants on and he’s too sleepy for anything else to register.

“It’s 7AM, Mr. Jeon. You have an executive meeting at 8,” you tell him, voice so soft and so far away.

“Fuck,” he groans, rubbing his temples to massage the pain away. “I’ll just take a shower. Don’t make breakfast anymore. We leave in 20 minutes.”

“Noted, sir,” you say, then walk back towards the kitchen.

It’s 15 minutes later when his bedroom door opens and he nervously walks over to you. Unable to still remove the image of his half-naked form in your mind, you focus your gaze elsewhere, but he forces it on him when he asks you to fix his necktie, the first time he’d ever done so.

“I was rushing,” he explains.

You nod and head to him, hating how your hands slightly shake at feeling so close to him again. You can feel his breath as you watch the rise and fall of his chest. He probably feels as anxious as you, perhaps no longer used to this routine after you stopped it days ago. But you manage without sparing him a glance, keeping your distance and your eyes focused on anything else but him from the walk down to the car and throughout the ride to work.

It’s difficult for you to look at him, not only because you’re ashamed but because you’re afraid of what you’ll see. Maybe his eyes will tell of his acceptance of this new dynamic. Maybe they’ll reflect anger and frustration at how you’ve disrupted his routine. Or maybe they’ll show sadness - which is what you’re most terrified of - because that’s your weakness. Any time he looks like he needs comfort or he needs you, you know you’d give in, you know you’d want to be there even if you’ve spent the past week staying as far away as possible.

You know you don’t have much time left here. The Arts Center opens over a month from now and you’ve decided to tender your resignation soon after. You know you should be savoring whatever moments you have with him and perhaps that’s what saddens you the most because you don’t know what will come after.

Your happiness isn’t here, and staying to find out if it’s with him isn’t worth it, not when there’s baggage you carry; not when your own past and insecurities weigh you down.

Arriving in the office, you rush to your desk then walk to his room to give him the notes he needs for the meeting. You turn towards him slowly when he calls you, your name in his voice suddenly sounding foreign.

“Can you prepare me lemon ginger tea? Please?”

His voice is soft, as if he feels burdensome for making such a request. You want to give in so badly and ask how he’s feeling. But you stop yourself. It’s not the place nor time.

You accompany his tea with pastries, your own request for him to have breakfast, and you get your own, in response to him instructing you to do so. You see from your periphery that he’s trying to catch your attention as the meeting starts, but with this, you hold back. You don’t want to see what you now know would be sadness in his eyes.

Jungkook has entered the deepest nook of your heart, you realize. You don’t know how you let him get there, and you don’t know how to push him out.

“Another night of drinking, huh?” Hoseok’s unusually somber voice disrupts Jungkook’s thoughts as he zones out during lunch. “The Arts Center getting you that stressed and anxious?”

Jungkook looks at his cousin questioningly.

��I know how you look when you’re tired and this isn’t it,” Hoseok responds. “You’re hungover.”

“I’m fine,” Jungkook huffs, not wanting to get into this with a man who would know when he’s lying.

“You should be, Kook. There’s a lot going on these next few weeks and we need you at your best. Your team has worked so hard for the Arts Center,” Hoseok reminds him. “So trust them. And don’t let them down.”

As always, his words hit Jungkook where they should. Whatever’s going on in his personal life - even if it involves you, his assistant - he has to be professional first, and that means making sure that everything is ready for the launch in six weeks. There’s a lot he has to meet and prepare for, and he doesn’t know how you’re able to do it. You may be distancing yourself from him but you’re still able to focus and carry out your tasks accordingly. You’ll be fine without him, he thinks. But if you’ll go on thinking that he doesn’t feel the same way about you, he knows he’ll regret it. He knows he’ll regret it even more if he doesn’t ask you to stay.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Jungkook assures his cousin. “I’ve been out of it but I’ll get my shit together.”

“Good. I don’t have to remind you that there’s a lot riding on this. But ___ is there to help. I’m here, too. You’ve got people who believe in you, okay?” Hoseok smiles, a slice of comfort that Jungkook didn’t know he needed. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Jungkook nods and heads back to his office after a full morning has passed, tricking himself into thinking that things will indeed be okay. He just needs to find the courage to face you, finally talk to you, ask you about that night, and tell you what he feels.

But even getting you alone proves to be difficult, as you have your own lunch plans that he didn’t want to interfere with, and your own deadlines that he set that he knows you’ll make sure to meet.

Jungkook gets caught up in the afternoon in another meeting with some of the Board members who came to visit. Biting his lip in frustration, he manages to not lose his mind as he sits through it, merely hoping to the heavens that you haven’t left yet despite the late hour.

He speed walks down the hallway once he gets to his floor and almost panics when he sees your work space empty. But he spots your unfinished cup of coffee and he knows you won’t leave without cleaning up. He briefly sighs in relief when he hears shuffling from inside his room, walking closer to find you standing by his desk, with your back facing the door. You place a folder on his tray for signatures and a bound manual for review, then turn around and jerk in surprise when you see him standing there.

“I didn’t know your meeting had ended, sir,” you say, the formality grating his ears. All he wants is to hear you speak to him casually again, for you to call him by his name once more.

“It just did,” he hums. “I didn’t know if you were still here. I wanted to see you before you could leave.”

His words catch you off-guard but you try to look unaffected.

“Is there anything else you need me to do, sir?” You ask, knowing that he’s past giving you work at this hour on a Friday, but you’re too nervous to think of what else he needs you for.

“No. I…” he stutters. “You, uh, you’ve been avoiding me,” he manages to say, his eyes pleading for you to look at him.

But still, you don’t.

“I’m with you everyday, Mr. Jeon,” you insist, your tone cold. “I can’t possibly be avoiding you.”

“You haven’t looked at me all week.”

As if in reflex, you glance at him, then shift your eyes on the couch to your left.

“That doesn’t count,” he says, his voice oozing in desperation for you to just spare him some time, something you’ve never heard before.

So you give in, as you slowly meet his eyes, and you’re reminded why you didn’t want to do it in the first place. They’re so sullen. Tired, it seems, but just lacking in light. They were always so expressive, even when they’re angry, and even more when they’re sad.

“I just…” you start, knowing that with all that’s happened and with all the stress and pressure he has to endure, you can’t be another one in his list to have to try to figure out. You at least owe it to him to be honest.

You look at the door, suddenly conscious of who might wander in your area, and Jungkook takes your cue, closing it once you nod.

“So, why have you been avoiding me?” He asks again, his voice gaining a bit of life now that you’ve given him a chance to talk.

“I was just ashamed,” you admit, looking away as the scene from last week plays in your mind again. “I said things I shouldn’t have and they made you uncomfortable and—”

“How do you know that?” He interjects.

“Because you pulled away!” You say too loudly, lowering your head in embarrassment at the clear frustration you’re expressing. “I thought you wanted to… uh…”

“Kiss you,” he finishes, earning him the slightest of nods from you.

“But you didn’t and I just felt so embarrassed,” you say, your lips quivering now at how much you’re saying, at how much you’re baring yourself to him, unsure if he’ll do the same. “That was completely out of line.”

“You weren’t wrong though,” he almost whispers as he slowly walks towards you. “About what I wanted to do. You seemed to want that, too, but we were out there and I… I was scared that if I’d done anything you weren’t ready for, then I’d push you away. I still did anyway. Because you’ve spent the entire week avoiding me, talking to me formally, not fixing my tie…”

You stop the giggle that you almost let out, but you can’t help your tiny smile as he whines about what you’ve been purposely doing.

“I just didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to face you after that,” you explain, knowing there’s so much more to say but that you’ll start with this. “But you avoided me, too,” you suddenly pout.

“What did you expect me to do?” He exclaims. “You did it first! You know I’m not good with these things.”

“Neither am I.”

Jungkook controls himself from kissing the frown off your face and instead, he walks closer. He gets to appreciate you now as he shamelessly eyes your form, the pastel-colored long sleeved blouse tucked inside your white skirt making his heart race.

He spots your shy smile as you try to turn away, and he steps closer, wanting to see more.

“You still aren’t gonna look at me?” He asks, the soft desperation in his voice prompting you to be bold again.

“I can’t. I might lose my mind,” you admit, groaning right after at your own honesty.

“I’d quite like that,” he hums. “I… I was actually losing my mind all week. It didn’t feel right to have you feel so far away. I wanted to fix things but I didn’t know how.”

“That makes both of us,” you sigh, allowing yourself to finally gaze at him in his black suit, the classic look taking your breath away every time. “But I guess it’s the same with me. I didn’t know how badly I wanted you close until you weren’t anymore.”

You hesitatingly reach out your hand, an attempt to let him know that close is what you want him to be, but also to see for yourself if this is real, if he really is just breaths away from you, and if he could be even closer.

“I’m not pulling away this time,” he assures you, his boyish smile sending your mind in a frenzy.

Your fingers graze his chest, the way it quickly rises and falls telling you that his heart is probably racing as fast as yours. You fiddle with the neck of his tie before pulling it to bring him closer. He follows your lead, stepping forward and meeting your eyes, seeming like he doesn’t want his off of you.

“So uh, are you losing your mind now?” He whispers teasingly.

The way he utters the words with such yearning is a contrast to the shy look on his face. It’s a side of him you’re not ready for, but it’s one you’re thoroughly enjoying. It’s also pushing you to be even more shameless, as you nod and take his hand this time, placing it on your waist so you could feel his touch again. He’s gentle, trailing his fingers up and down your sides.

“I am,” you manage to say, and you wish he could tell by the way you’re panting that his effect on you is way beyond your control now, and that it’s something you want to embrace. You mirror his smile, soft and warm yet full of desire.

He makes his move, placing his hand on your cheek as he eliminates whatever distance is left. And he stands there, just one breath away.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about that night, wishing I’d done things differently,” he heaves, his eyes flitting to your lips constantly, “wishing I had been brave enough to do what I’ve been wanting to do for so long.”

You lick your lips in tandem with his, and once you feel him thumb your cheek, it’s all over for you. With a whisper of his name, you hold your breath, and the next thing you feel is his mouth on yours.

He kisses you deeply, expressing just how much he’s been wanting to do this. You smile as you return his desire, suddenly feeling like you’re floating, as if he’s some dream that you’re able to reach, like he’s that beautiful thing that’s tangible, that you can touch, that you can taste.

You moan once his tongue gains entrance, entangling with yours and dominating you immediately until he’s all you can breathe in. He cups your face, directing it where he wants, while his one hand trails down your back to knead your ass, as if to keep himself steady as he loses himself in you. Your breathing quickens even more as the pleasure rises, and with your fingers palming his chest and gripping his collar, he pushes you against his table.

He cages you and keeps you in place while he devours your lips, and you feel him all over you just as you wanted. You’re hypnotized by his scent, by his warm breath, and by the large hands that now grip your waist and lift you to sit on the edge of his desk.

Your mind is hazy, high on the drug that is his kiss, lust-filled and passionate and relentless. You yearn for him even more the longer you taste him, feel him, and there’s no part of you that wants this to end. Your moans push him to kiss you harder, leaving you a whimpering mess and with a mind that's truly unable to think a single thought outside of this trance-like feeling. His arms now wrap around you, and his hands, seemingly desperate to touch every part of you that he can, trail up and down your back, as if to caress you, as if to say that he won’t stop, that he won’t let you go.

Finally needing air, he removes his lips from yours only to travel to the most sensitive parts of you - on the shell of your ear that his tongue grazes repeatedly, and on your neck that he licks and sucks vigorously. You feel the chills all over your body, and you grind against him to try to satiate that growing need of yours, as you start to feel the dampness in your underwear. His hardening length makes you want everything he can give you, rules and boundaries be damned.

This isn’t like you but you’ve never felt this much pleasure and desire in all your life. Nothing could’ve prepared you for the ecstasy that kissing and feeling him would give. You feel his desperation and desire for you, as he grunts and moans your name, aching to feel more, to do more. You want to live in this moment, and then live it everyday, just take him in and take everything and give him everything.

But you should’ve known that some things are too good to be true. And much as you hope and imagine for things to turn out a certain way in belief that you deserve good things in this world, they don’t. Those don’t happen to people like you. There’s always something underneath it all, as the fantasy shatters like a glass ceiling breaking at his words.

“Stay, ___. Don’t leave,” he hums against you, the tip of his nose gliding against your neck as he takes in your scent. “Please don’t resign. I can’t… I—”

You feel frozen as you process what he’s said. “Wha-what?” You manage to ask, your mind slowly waking up now.

His lips take a pause at devouring your skin and he faces you, his chest heaving and his eyes glassy and pleading as he repeats his words.

“Don’t leave, ___. Don’t resign. Stay with me. I need you next to me.”

“Where is this coming from?” You demand, your heart racing now for a different reason, your anxiety building at how he could’ve known of your plans. You pull away to get a better look at him, with guilt now painting his eyes.

“I… I overheard you and Mr. Ri talking last night,” he admits shamefully. “I didn’t mean to. I was going to just walk away but you talked about leaving and what you feel about me and I just… I froze. I don’t want you to go anywhere, ___. I need you here.”

The silence drags on as you let his words settle, words you thought you wanted to hear. But not like this, you realize. This isn’t how you imagined he’d tell you he wants to be with you.

He attempts to cup your cheek again but you pull yourself back, the rejection breaking him this time.

“You knew I wanted to kiss you last week,” you start, your voice shaking as the pieces fit together. “You knew yet you pulled away. You let a whole week pass with this distance, with no attempt from you to talk to me about it, or to even tell me what you feel but then you learn last night, after listening to a conversation you had no part in, that I like you. And tonight, you kiss me because suddenly you need me? Because you want me to stay next to you?”

“I—” Jungkook starts, unable to say anything as you put it the way you do.

He’s wanted you for so long and always had reasons to keep his distance. He tried to gain the courage to talk to you this week, even as you avoided him, but he didn’t. There was just so much fear, so much worry about what he should do, about you asking him to forget about it, about possibly pushing you away even more. He didn’t intend for things to happen this way but for you to think that he’s only doing this in an attempt to keep you from resigning is all kinds of wrong, even if in hindsight, that’s exactly what it looks like. He could’ve said something earlier, he could’ve told you what he felt, and he would’ve been brave enough if he really wanted to.

“You knew how I felt and you kissed me so I’d stay,” you repeat. “You hate change and me leaving will change everything for you and this… this is how you make sure I don’t.”

Stepping down from the desk, you realize how much you’d lost yourself in him, with your skirt bunched up and your blouse all creased. You fix yourself, suddenly ashamed, and suddenly unsure where you stand. It took so much of you to admit what you felt for him and now it seems that he hadn’t been into you the way that you thought.

You want him with you, but he wants you here, that’s the difference.

“I… want you,” Jungkook says, the words suddenly hard for him to say, as he gets choked up at the distance you’re creating. “I guess I always have. I just couldn’t do anything because I had to be professional and there were boundaries I couldn’t cross. But I couldn’t help it. Those don’t matter to me anymore. Only you do.”

His pleading eyes ask you to believe him, to understand him this time. But your silence and the way you look at him in disappointment tell him it’s not something you’re able to do.

“I never thought you’d feel the same way,” he continues. “And now I know that you do and that just means we can figure it out, right? Staying means we get to be together everyday. We… we get to have this everyday. Don’t you… don’t you want that?”

This is when you realize that much as you want to believe in his sincerity, it’s hard when he thinks of you as a necessity. You make his life easier. You’re his assistant, after all. And that makes you unsure if he only wants you because he needs you, or if they’re just the same thing to him.

He didn’t even ask you why you wanted to leave. Maybe that should tell you enough.

“___, please. I just want to be with you.”

It’s also at this moment when you realize just how much you’ve fallen for him. You’d feared that if he asked you to stay, you would, and that means putting another person’s needs ahead of yours again, just like what you’ve done all these years. Staying would mean that you’d be unable to find yourself outside of all this, and you’ve given up too much not to choose your own happiness this time, even if it means saying goodbye to the person who also makes you happy.

Finding what little strength you have in you, you turn to him. “I don’t want to stay, Jungkook,” you say, your heart breaking as you utter the words, even more when you ask him to forget about everything that happened tonight. “We can’t do this. I can’t do this with you. Not like this. I’m so sorry.”

With your smashed heart in your hands, you do the hard thing and walk out the door, leaving in your wake a man whose broken pieces that you’ve put together all shattered once again.

Walking down the block to get to the bus stop feels like a marathon, as the street feels so long with the heavy burden you’re carrying weighing you down too much. But you manage to get there, only to decide that you’d much rather spend the ride home on your own. You turn to a street to hail a cab then realize once you get in one that it was the spot where Jungkook had seen you, drenched under the rain with a sprained ankle.

He healed parts of you that night, with his quiet assurance that you didn’t have to go through your struggles on your own. You’d hold on to that thought months later, though you’re unsure about now - much as things hurt at this moment, all you want is to be alone.

You get off two stops early and mindlessly walk towards the convenience store, thinking that some snacks for dinner would do. You don’t really feel like eating but your body’s needs are greater than your own desire to eat. Walking down the aisles, you decide you’re only good for some cup noodles tonight. You don’t even deserve boiled eggs that you suddenly craved, nor honey chips, and you definitely don’t deserve dessert after what you allowed to happen earlier.

You stop your movements once you realize you’re sitting on the same spot where you and Jungkook had eaten when he drove you home that night he took you to the park. It had been a terrible evening after that incident with your ex, but Jungkook was the protective one who helped shoulder all the anger that you were too exhausted to feel. He was a reliable and comforting presence, familiar yet new with his warmth. During the occasional moments in the weekend after when your mind would go to that night, you’d think of Jungkook and how he made you feel safe.

It feels too much, so you take your noodles and finish them on the bench outside. You walk home after, letting the crisp evening air envelop you as your mind replays what happened.

You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to feel someone the way you wanted to feel him, but you suppose that’s why it hurts as much as it does. You wanted him to want you as much as you did, and you were perhaps foolish to think he’d have the same reasons as you. Maybe you were really just stupid for feeling anything in the first place, knowing your place in his world. You’re everything convenient and easy and familiar and despite the week of walking on eggshells around him, you gave in so quickly. He knew what to do when it came to you.

And maybe that’s on you. You allowed yourself to feel so much for a man whose life is so intertwined with yours that it’s hard to know what’s real. Yet you know that despite all that, your desire for him is still too strong. It’s why you had to leave right away.

Another moment of him pleading for you to not resign and you might’ve given in again. Another second of hearing him ask you to be with him and you would’ve believed him - that there was sincerity in all that, that he’d be with you regardless if you stayed in the company or not. Now you’re left with the thought that the convenience was what he wanted, that as he crossed the line, it was all or nothing for him. And that you’d be the weak one, willing to give up what else you could be outside of all this just for him.

Perhaps you’re also asking for too much. He’s used to a life without much consequences to his actions. There’s a lot he doesn’t know, especially what you had to endure and give up to be here and what you want out of life now that you’re old enough to take control of it. Maybe for him, asking you to stay was that declaration and proof of his feelings; doing so took so much out of him already that thinking of what life would be like without being with you everyday was too hard of a reality to accept or work around.

You’re too out of it that you don’t realize that you’ve been standing outside your door. You’re thankful for the weekend at least. You’ll spend half of it in bed, and the other half preparing yourself for how you’ll face him again, and how you’ll finally say goodbye.

You enter and sigh at the warmth inside. Dropping your bag on the floor, you stand by your tiny dining table and take a bite off the apple you find in your fridge. You gaze at your shelf, the one filled with photos of your family and friends and a few more of different sceneries that you took using the disposable camera that Jungkook had gifted you for your birthday. It’s another reminder of how much a part of your life he’s become, how, of all the people in the world, he’d been the one to show you that capturing moments is a gift you shouldn’t take for granted.

You often wondered what moments he liked to capture. He doesn’t have photos in his penthouse other than those of structures and buildings that are artistically taken. There are framed old blueprints and historical pieces but nothing of him and the people in his life.

Maybe he doesn’t have good enough memories he wants to keep. For a short moment, you wished that the times he shared with you are ones he’d like to hold onto. But maybe the idea would hurt more - you’ll just be a memory like he would be to you.

You always wanted to keep only good ones of him, but the sight of him rooted in his spot and in shock as you turned him down is far from something you want to remember. He’s something you didn’t know you wanted, but he stands between you and the life you’ve always wished for yourself - one where you get to decide, to be free, to be happy.

He’ll let you go and forget all this, you think to yourself. You’ll be the one who walked away. And he’ll be the one who didn’t run after you.

Jungkook is stunned as he watches your retreating form. The sounds of your heels against the marble floor disappear as he remains unmoving from his spot in his room where he’d kissed you just moments earlier. You felt and tasted just like he imagined, and the moment his lips touched yours, he knew he’d want to keep kissing you over and over again.

It was the first time in a long time that he allowed himself to be honest about how he felt, giddy emotions included. It felt freeing to be able to admit all of that to you after all these months of denying it and walking around eggshells when it came to you. He’d been sure, after last night, that you felt the same way, even more when he felt how your body reacted and how your heart raced, aching for him as much as his heart was yearning for you.

You sounded hypnotizing, too. The way you’d moaned his name ignited something in him that none of the women he’d slept with had ever done before, and he knows it’s because he’d never felt anything genuine for them. They were good for the moment but he knew, especially the instance that he felt you close, that he wanted you for more than that. He wanted the soft touches and the gentle whispers, the longing looks and the intertwined hands. He wanted more than he thought he would, but during his most vulnerable state, he uttered the words he’d been dying to say since last night when he learned of your plans.

He asked you to stay. He told you he needs you, that he wants to be with you.

They sounded like pleas and maybe that’s what they were. From the deepest and coldest nooks of his heart, he was pleading for you to not leave. He’d finally admitted what he’d been so scared to accept, but all his words did were hurt you.

You insisted that all he cared about was the convenience of being together everyday, that you staying meant he’d get to keep all that was familiar. And he doesn’t know what would be taken away from you if you did.

You wanted him, too, didn’t you? Wasn’t that enough? And wasn’t being with him all that mattered?

Sure, there’d be complications, but those are things he knows you’d both be able to face, they’re things you can navigate around and figure out together because this isn't just a one-time, spur-of-the-moment type of thing. He wants all of you, everything with you, whatever it takes.

He hadn’t realized it until that second he held you in his arms. And then again when you pulled away, looked at him with glassy eyes, and told him you couldn’t stay.

He’d been too hurt to run after you. He didn’t know what to say then. How would he, when you’re the one who couldn’t commit to what you felt by staying around? He felt that betrayal, of that feeling of inadequacy, of his feelings for you not being enough. He bared his emotions to you after being so scared of doing so, and then you crushed his heart just like that, with his broken pieces that you’d just put together, scattered on the floor.

This isn’t like him. It’s been a long time since he’s allowed himself to feel so much for another person, to care for them, to want them in a way that scares him. But you showed him a life where it was possible to open himself up again, to find out what happiness could feel like this time, and in that same breath, you took it all away.

He’s not sure where to go from here. But he decides he’ll think about that tomorrow. Tonight, he just wants to forget. Tonight, he just wants to wallow in his sadness, erase the memory of your touch and the feel of your mouth against his, and let it all go.

Jungkook instructs Mr. Ri to go home. He’ll drive himself, he insists. There’s just no one right now he wants to be around.

He drinks a glass of whiskey for the road and manages to get home in one piece. He settles on the couch as he finishes another half bottle, then chugs down a few cans of beer after. The image of you gets blurry. His mouth numbs and he starts forgetting your taste on his lips, too.

His head falls on the pillow and his hand mindlessly reaches out. There’s no heartbeat that he feels; he’s forgotten how fast yours was already. The sound of your laughter and then of your moans is replaced with a buzzing in his ear as his mind starts to fall away.

The warmth of your body is gone but somehow he feels hot, so hot but he can’t get his clothes off. He struggles a little, his fingers aren’t doing their job so he gives up instead, curls into the corner of the couch, and for the briefest moment, he sees your smile so clearly. And then his mind drifts away completely, taking his confusion and yearning for you along with it.

At least for now, there’s not much of you he remembers. But somewhere deep inside, he knows that’ll all change when he wakes up in the morning and searches for you, knowing you won’t be around to tell him that everything is gonna be okay.

Hoseok massages his temple as his sixth call to his cousin in the last half hour remains unanswered.

“He’s still not picking up,” he groans, the unusual feeling of annoyance bubbling inside him at Jungkook’s irresponsibility.

It’s Saturday morning and some friends of their family flew from Europe last night for lunch at the Jeons’ estate. This gathering was scheduled in time for their grandfather’s death anniversary today, and it’s an event that Mr. Jeon was adamant that Jungkook and Hoseok attend as their respective families’ representatives and as heirs of the company. Those friends had been there when their grandfather built Jeon Corporation from the ground up, and welcoming them is a sign of respect for that friendship and for the memory of the man they’re celebrating today.

Jungkook had informed Mr. Ri that he’ll be driving himself to the estate and promised to be there before 11 AM, as what his father had requested. It’s half past that and he’s still nowhere to be found. He hasn’t been picking up his phone and his friends claim they don’t know where he is. Knowing how important today is, Hoseok wanted to accompany Mr. Ri in going to the younger man’s apartment to pick him up and find out why he’s late. When the elder Jeon asks, which he will, Hoseok would at least have a reason to give. It just better be a good one.

They both arrive at the building and are informed that Jungkook’s cars are still in their respective slots. He’s not in any of the amenities and the guards report that they haven’t seen him since he arrived on his own last night. He may not be a fan of these types of events but Jungkook always shows up. He knows what today means for their family; if not for his father, then at least for his grandfather, a man he respected and looked up to. If, for some reason, he failed to wake up, then he must be in a bad condition, and Hoseok either has to scold his cousin, or cover for him.

With no one answering the door, Mr. Ri uses his access and enters. It’s dark and quiet inside, with the blinds all closed. When he and Hoseok find Jungkook passed out on the couch with an empty whiskey bottle and beer cans on the floor, it’s the same moment that Mr. Ri’s phone rings, and it’s your name that lights up the screen.

“Hi, Mr. Ri,” you groggily say. “I’m sorry I missed your calls. I had a late night and just woke up. Is everything okay?”

“I’m not sure,” he sighs, as he watches Hoseok pull Jungkook from his cowering form in an attempt to get him to wake up.

“What do you mean?” You ask, standing from your bed now, suddenly awake.

“I was calling to ask if you knew where Jungkook was. Their family gathering is today and he was supposed to be at his parents’ house 30 minutes ago but he wasn’t. He wasn’t picking up our calls either.”

“Oh, I… I don’t know where he is,” you say softly, the mention of his name reminding you of what transpired last night, the image of Jungkook’s dejected look appearing in your mind. You worry about him though, wondering what time he got home. “Have you found him? Is he okay?”

“Hoseok and I are at his apartment and he’s passed out drunk,” Mr. Ri states, as Jungkook finally opens his eyes and mumbles some words that the older man has to walk closer to hear. “What happened last night, ___? Why is he calling your name? And why is he asking for you to come back?”

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that Jungkook had spent last night drinking his feelings away. You know enough from your time with him that it’s what he does when he’s stressed or mad or frustrated, and then he wakes up the next morning and hits the gym to deal with his hangover. There’s none of that today, apparently, and you stop yourself from instructing Mr. Ri to prepare him some lemon ginger tea.

“What happened last night, ___?” He repeats. “Did you fight?”

“We…” you start, knowing that if there’s anyone who has to know about last night, it’s the man on the other end of the phone. “We, uh… we kissed. And then he asked me not to resign then I pulled away.”

Walking towards the kitchen to hand Hoseok a glass of water, Mr. Ri asks if you’d told Jungkook of your plans, stating that he hadn’t told him about it.

“He overheard us talking last Thursday,” you respond. “He knew what I felt about him, kissed me, then asked me to stay. He said he didn’t want me to go, that he wanted to be with me, and that we could be together everyday. It didn’t feel right,” you continue, your voice shaking now as you recall the conversation. “It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. We were supposed to talk about it. He wasn’t supposed to use my feelings against me like that.”

“Did you tell him why you’re planning on leaving?”

“No… He just went on about needing me to be with him and I… I couldn’t bear it,” you say, feeling the tears dance around your eyes. “You told me that I could always leave but even then, I’d always have a reason to stay but it would be their reason, not mine. I finally built the courage to decide on this because you know I need this. I don’t want him to be my reason this time. Or else I’ll never be able to let all of it go.”

“I know,” Mr. Ri sighs, knowing more than anyone what you mean.

He’ll never be brave like you, but he understands that burden, that desire to just be free; he knows what it’s like to be held back even if it’s your own decision. Because at the end of the day, you’ll always think you have a debt to be paid. He knows he does, but he’ll always believe that you don’t. Surviving was always enough.

“But I think he has to know, ___,” he continues. “He wouldn’t let himself go through this kind of suffering if you don’t mean that much to him. You have to tell him the truth. And I mean everything. You owe it to yourself, too. I know he means a lot to you but you can’t move forward in any way, with or without him, if you’ll just keep him in the dark.”

You let Mr. Ri’s words settle. You told yourself the moment you entered the company that you won’t let your past define you, including your relationship with this family. You’ll work hard and everyone else will know you for that, and not for any other reason. You also knew that you’d spend every second of being here trying to prove to yourself that you’re capable, despite the irony that you were the one defining your time here based on your past that you just somehow couldn’t run away from.

You weren’t supposed to feel anything for Jungkook. You could’ve gone on with your plan of resigning without feeling bad that you were leaving him behind. And even in that alternative reality where he’d ask you to stay, it would’ve been easy to say no. What makes this difficult is that you started to care. You got scared that if he asked you, you would stay. And now that he did, you have to be stronger than your desire to be with him.

Leaving would be hard, but staying would be much harder.

You wish it was easy to make him understand. But you suppose without him knowing the truth, he wouldn’t be able to.

So you give Mr. Ri permission.

“I don’t know how to tell him,” you say. “You would. Make him understand. Maybe he’ll let me go. Maybe he’ll still come after me. And maybe he’ll forgive me, too.”

Mr. Ri hums and drops the call. He returns to the living room where Jungkook is now seated upright on the couch, downing his second glass of water and taking medicine to deal with the hangover. The blinds are now up, causing him to squint his eyes. At least he looks alive now.

“That was ___,” Mr. Ri says. “She was wondering how you were.”

“Did you tell her I look terrible?”Jungkook asks bitterly.

“I did. She also told me what happened.”

“What… happened?” Hoseok wonders. “Did you have a big fight?”

Knowing he has no way out of this, Jungkook tells the truth. “We, uh, we kissed,” he answers, earning him a gasp from his cousin, who clarifies that while he’s not that surprised, he’s curious as to why both of you aren’t together right now.

“___ plans on resigning. He asked her not to,” Mr. Ri answers. “But you… you have to let her go, Jungkook. She needs to learn who she is and what she can do without anything holding her back.”

“If that’s her reason, then she has to know that she can keep learning who she is and what she can do here, with me,” Jungkook insists, slowly gaining clarity, as all the words he couldn’t say last night suddenly come out so easily. “There’s so much she can do. If what we feel for each other is the issue and that means she can’t directly work for me, then there are other departments where she’d fit well in. This isn’t just about convenience for me. I want to see her everyday but having her around means I get to make sure she’s taken care of, that she’s treated well.”

“And then what? She’ll feel indebted to you because of that?” Mr. Ri counters. “This is more than just developing her skills or building her career, Jungkook. This is about being someone outside of this company. It’s about doing something without feeling like she constantly has to prove that she deserves what she has.”

“And she does. Who does she have to prove anything to? We’re beyond that. Everyone knows she’s capable.”

“She has to prove it to herself. It may be hard for you to understand but she… she won’t get to accept all that she is until she’s ridden herself of the burden she carries. For as long as she works for your family, she’ll always feel it.”

The words feel a little too personal, Jungkook thinks, as Mr. Ri talks about your insecurities as if he’d seen you live them, and perhaps he has. The older man witnessed those first few turbulent weeks, and having known you since you started working here through the CEO, perhaps Mr. Ri had seen how your spirit broke a little because of Jungkook.

But still, something about the way Mr. Ri looks sullenly at him says that there’s more to what the older man had seen, as if he himself is pleading for Jungkook to let you go this way, as if the care runs deep and the words carry so much more emotion.

“She needs this, Jungkook,” Mr. Ri continues. “She’s planned on leaving a few times before but her gratitude towards your family always pulled her back. If you really care about her, you won’t let that happen this time. If you want to be with her, you’ll have to do it without her being here. Regardless of what she feels for you, she needs this more. You can let her go without really letting her go, you have to know that.”

It all feels too much and Jungkook’s mind is filled with so many questions. What do you owe his family? How does proving yourself have anything to do with leaving the company? How does he fit into all this? What do you need time away for? And how can he be with you at the end of it? Would you still want that, given that he didn’t even ask you why?

“How are you sure that’s what she needs?” Jungkook asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

“I’ve known her for 20 years, Jungkook,” Mr. Ri sighs. “I know it’s what she believes.”

Jungkook may still be dealing with a hangover, but he knows his ears didn’t betray him. Twenty years, that’s how long you’ve known the man he trusts with his life, the man his father trusts with his family’s life.

The tale is an open secret. Ri Byung-hun was a kid who grew up in the streets. He tried to steal from Jungkook’s grandfather, whose construction business then was slowly taking off. The elder man took pity on the young teen and sent him to school, and Byung-hun showed his gratitude by working for the family, eventually becoming Jungkook’s father’s chauffeur, bodyguard, and closest confidant all in one. The loyalty goes both ways, and it’s stood the test of time.

Jungkook doesn’t know all the details but he knows enough. What he doesn’t know is who you are in Mr. Ri’s life, and why Jungkook hadn’t heard of you before.

“How do you know ___?” Jungkook finally manages to ask. “Who is she to you?”

“I know ___ because of her mother. And over 20 years ago, Cho Hye-soo was your father’s assistant.”

“She— what?”

Jungkook can’t hide his shock, and neither can Hoseok, who looks just as surprised about the truth as he is. His cousin would’ve been in his early teens at that time, and as it was when it came to their family’s children, training to become company heirs starts early, but they don’t get immersed until during their late teenage years.

“I… I know Mrs. Cho,” Hoseok says. “I’ve met her several times but I… I never knew. They never said anything.”

“It wasn’t something they wanted people to know,” Mr. Ri explains. “Other than both of your parents, I’m the only other person who does. Too much time has passed for people to make the connection. It was just better that no one knew.”

“What else did they not want people to know?” Jungkook asks. “What did ___ and her mom do? What… what do they owe our family?”

The elder man knew that at some point, Jungkook was going to have to learn the truth. He just didn’t think it would have to be under these conditions, and that he’d be the one telling the young man about how your lives are intertwined, that whatever pain you both carried growing up, those would always lead you back to each other.

“Your father and Hye-soo were no different to how you and ___ are,” Mr. Ri starts. “He’d just been appointed President and he was under a lot of pressure - from your grandfather, the Board, the rest of your family… He was always stressed and it didn’t help that he was a perfectionist, just like you. That obviously affected your family, but it also affected those who worked for him, especially Hye-soo, who felt that she had a lot to prove.”

She didn’t have a Seoul education but she was smart and resourceful, incredibly hardworking and devoted, something you inherited from her, the elder man shares. The similarities are striking, and Jungkook braces himself, hoping that they end there.

“She always had to work overtime, including weekends, and that took a lot of time away from being with ___. Hye-soo would leave her daughter in the library where her friend worked, and that seemed to be enough. But of course, it wasn’t easy, especially with a partner who lost his job and started drinking to cope.”

As Mr. Ri continues, Jungkook starts to fear something else, and so he asks.

“Did… did he hurt them?”

“He yelled a lot,” Mr. Ri answers. “I’d hear it sometimes during breaks when she’s on the phone with him and it crushed me every time. Hye-soo wouldn’t say much, just that he was a good guy who just didn’t know how to deal with hardships. She never justified his actions until of course, that piece of shit started hitting her.”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at the words, unable to imagine growing up in a household like that - feeling afraid, unsafe, and unfree.

“Hye-soo assured me that Kang-ho never hurt ___. She was good at that, at protecting her child. One time, she was called to work on a Saturday and that didn’t go well with him, but she… she always puts her daughter first, and that meant work would always be her priority because it’s what pays the bills and what sends her to school,” Mr. Ri narrates, his eyes growing more dejected by the second as he recalls those times.

“She was rushing and couldn’t properly conceal the bruise on her face. She was worried that’s why she took ___ with her. Hye-soo kept crying as your father asked her what happened. She apologized for being late and for bringing her daughter to work, and she asked to stay in the office for the night until she figured out where they could go. I had never seen her break down like that,” he says, his voice shaking now. “And I won’t forget how scared ___ looked. She was just 10 years old then, clinging to her mother and not wanting to let her go. We were all strangers to her but somehow, she knew that we were there to protect them.”

The silence goes on, as both men take in Mr. Ri’s words, but it’s Hoseok who asks what happened after, and eventually, what got you here.

“Mr. and Mrs. Jeon didn’t hesitate to help,” the older man shares. “They had Hye-soo and ___ stay at the staff house in their estate for a few nights until they got a new place to stay. I helped them get their stuff after Kang-ho figured out what was happening and ran. The police had a warrant for his arrest but they couldn’t find him for days.”

Turning to Jungkook, he adds, “your parents paid for all the legal and medical fees. Because Kang-ho knew they were helping, you all had to go away until he was found. Hye-soo and ___ went to Busan where he couldn’t trace them; your parents stayed in one of their houses in Gwangju while you and your brother were in Gwacheon.” Mr. Ri sighs at the memory as he recalls those days. “The reason why you were in that cabin was so they could protect you. I know you held a grudge against them for years because you thought they just left you there but they couldn’t stay with you, Jungkook. You were all in danger and they had to keep you and Jeong-sik safe.”

Jungkook looks back at that night when everything changed for him. Things already weren’t going well with his brother; the three-year gap and the way they were always compared kept them from getting along. His parents knew that, yet they still left him with Jeong-sik, who abandoned him in the woods when they played hide-and-seek. That’s where Jungkook was left alone, lost and scared under the rain, the thunder roaring as he yelled for someone to come. He’s always lived with that fear, always carried that memory of anger and blame within him that transformed into a habit of just pushing people away, of keeping them out because that was better to accept than the knowledge that people he trusted left him on his own.

But there’s a reason, he learns now, one that his parents kept from him to protect you and your mother, too. It’s all too much, but he thinks now that maybe there’s a reason why you were so patient with him, why you didn’t judge him that night at the guest house, why you somehow understood what he was so scared of. He doesn’t know if you know that the night at the cabin had anything to do with what you and your mother went through, but regardless, maybe that’s why he always felt so strongly about you. The connection he was yearning for was always there, it’s tied to something, and he realizes it’s tied to your shared past.

“Did the police find the man?” Jungkook asks now, his headache somehow worsening from all the things he’s learning. But he just wants to know that you weren’t even more hurt, that there was a way that his parents kept you safe.

“I did,” Mr. Ri responds. “I still had contact with people in the streets, and I left Gwacheon once I got a call that they knew where he was staying. I hunted him down and I handed him over… with a bloodied face and a few broken bones. They charged him for domestic violence and a few other crimes, including drug possession that would keep him in prison for years, long enough for Hye-soo and ___ to recover.”

“And what about you? Were you charged?” Jungkook wonders.

“No, I claimed self-defense and I—”

“But it wasn’t, was it?” Jungkook counters, knowing there’s more to what Mr. Ri is saying.

“It wasn’t,” the old man admits, turning away as he says the words. “I could’ve done more but I… I couldn’t lose myself to the anger even if it was all I felt. I knew Hye-soo wouldn’t have forgiven me if I did.”

“You loved her, didn’t you?” Jungkook says, dawning on him now that everything Mr. Ri had done was so he could protect your mother and you. He realizes that all the times that the elder man looked out for you was because he was looking out for someone he truly cared about, someone who mattered the most to the person who mattered the most to him.

“I did,” Mr. Ri sighs. “I still do.”

Jungkook recalls the night during the team building and the elder man’s words, about the woman he’d loved for so long, and that moving on from her meant expending all that love to those he cares about, and now Jungkook knows that he was referring to you.

“Did she know? And did she love you back?”

“She… she asked me to move to Busan with her and ___,” Mr. Ri answers, his eyes faraway as memories of that conversation come rushing back, how he’d wanted to just run away and build a life he never thought he could have with the woman he’d fallen so hard for, but how he had to make the hardest decision then, knowing it was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

“Why didn’t you?” Jungkook wonders.

“I owe everything I have to your family, Jungkook,” Mr. Ri explains. “They gave me a second chance. Your grandfather got me off the streets, your father taught me everything I know, they… they had my records cleaned. They did it when I was a kid and they did it again when I was an adult. The only way I could ever pay them back was through my loyalty. I couldn’t leave, not after everything they’ve done for me.”

“But you loved her. She was your second chance,” Jungkook argues.

“And that love caused me to commit a crime I shouldn’t have. I was going to pay for it one way or another,” Mr. Ri responds. “That’s how I chose to do it, by letting her go, knowing that I’d be able to look after her and ___ better that way. Your father would protect me, and I would protect them. That’s… that’s how things go.”

It’s a tragic love story, Jungkook thinks. Two people who feel so much having to let each other go, their own pasts pushing them towards opposite directions. Decisions were made and that pulled them apart. He supposes that reciprocated feelings aren’t always enough.

“What happened after that?” Hoseok asks now, wanting to know as well how you and your mother managed, and if there’s any more danger that you face.

“They stayed in Busan for a few years. They only returned to Daegu after they learned that Kang-ho died in prison after acquiring some respiratory disease,” Mr. Ri replies. “Mr. and Mrs. Jeon helped with the move, too. They had me check on Hye-soo and ___ almost every month, just to make sure they were doing well. It was hard, of course. Hye-soo wasn’t earning the same as she was so she took another job just to keep ___ in a good school. Mr. Jeon knew that, so he kept offering to pay for her education but Hye-soo always turned him down. That continued until she got to college, and knowing that her mom won’t accept help again, ___ was the one who decided to take the offer. They paid for her tuition, and she eventually got an internship in the company. She took the job offer, too, and she’s just been working hard ever since, thinking that she has everything to prove.”

“Why does my father think he can buy people’s loyalty just like that?” Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. “It traps people… it gives them no option.”

“I know it may seem that way but your father knows how important loyalty is, and it’s something that he gives, too. He trusts me just as much I trust him,” Mr. Ri defends. “But when it comes to Hye-soo and ___, it isn’t about loyalty but guilt. He blames himself for what happened to them. Even if it was all Kang-ho’s fault, your father always believed that if he hadn’t been so demanding, things wouldn’t have escalated. It was all the overtime, all the unfair requests that took Hye-soo’s time from her partner, from her daughter. He carries that guilt with him and how he treated her. In a way, I think that was his wake-up call. Work stopped consuming him after. He became considerate of his staff, asking about their families and how they’re doing. He tried to make it up to you and your brother but that seemed to be the hardest thing for him; he didn’t know how to get your trust back.”

“But wasnt ___ choosing to work here about loyalty? She stayed every time he asked her to. She wouldn’t have if she felt indebted to our family,” Jungkook remarks, not wanting to delve into his own relationship with his father.

“She wanted to repay them just so her mom would stop carrying that burden,” Mr. Ri says. “They were able to get away and build a new life where they were safe because of your parents and for ___, that always meant everything. She planned to work for them, but even a part of her felt that all the opportunities she was given was out of kindness. She always felt she didn’t deserve it but your parents also think they can’t ever make it up to her and her mother enough.”

At the silence, he continues. “People are complicated that way, I guess. We all have our own burdens to carry, our own past to deal with, our own actions to make peace with and accept. We make decisions based on what we think is best and just hope we don’t regret them in the future. But we also make them as a way to take control of our own lives. Even if I regret letting Hye-soo go, I at least did it knowing that I’ll either have another chance at being with her, or that someone else will. And someone did, and I know for a fact that he loves her and ___ with all of him.”

“In that sense, maybe resigning is ___’s way of taking control of her life this time, don’t you think?” Hoseok turns to Jungkook, understanding where you’re coming from now, as he knows the feeling of not having to constantly prove yourself to others. “She finally wants to let that burden go, to live as she wishes without feeling like she doesn’t deserve what she has, even if it means not being next to you the way she wants to. If you make her stay, how do you think she can move on from all this? How can you be sure she’s happy?”

Jungkook takes a deep breath, knowing it’s not enough to process everything he’s learned this morning. There’s that past he didn’t know he shared with you, there’s his relationship with his father that he doesn’t know how to mend, there’s his feelings for you, one that’s still so strong and inescapable.

And then there’s the thought that you’d known everything all along. You’ve been patient with him, you've been kind and understanding. Was that all because you felt like you had to? Because he’s the son of the people you feel that you owe a lot to?

It’s not that Jungkook doubts your feelings for him, but he wonders if you do. Now that you’re able to make that decision to leave, what if walking away from his family also means you realize that your feelings are tied to that indebtedness, too? How real was it for you? And after you find yourself outside of all this, would you still want him?

The thoughts make his heart break, and this tells him that after knowing everything, he still can’t deny what he feels about you. He still wants you just as much. Maybe the familiarity he always felt was because you are familiar. Maybe the connection was because of a painful past you both share, of a kind of pain you both understand. Maybe the intensity of feelings is a remnant from his childhood, one that’s tied to yours in a serendipitous way.

He’d like to think that even without knowing, you held out for him. You could’ve chosen to leave anytime before he came but you didn’t, and your paths crossed this way and he convinces himself that you were always meant to meet each other, that you were always meant to make up for how intertwined and unfortunate your lives are. You never met then but this time, when you did, it meant so much more. He could only hope that it’s something you hold onto as well, and that when you decide to finally walk away, it doesn’t mean you walk away from him completely, too.

“Kook, I know there’s a lot to think about but you have to get going,” Hoseok disrupts his thoughts. “Your father still wants us at that lunch. I know grandfather would, too.”

“You should go ahead, Hoseok,” Mr. Ri says. “Just make an excuse to your uncle and say I’m helping Jungkook fix up. We’ll head there right away.”

“No, tell him that I know,” Jungkook insists. “If… if he’s always wanted to mend our relationship, he and I have to start being honest with each other.”

“I will,” Hoseok says as he stands up to leave. “Get your head together, alright? You’re gonna be fine.”

Jungkook massages his temples, knowing that he doesn’t have time to get a workout in and rid himself of this terrible hangover. But he tries, as he takes a warm shower and asks Mr. Ri to prepare him a cup of lemon ginger tea and get some ginseng jelly for the ride.

The trip to his parents’ estate starts off quiet, but the thoughts in his head are so loud that the older man asks what else is bothering him.

“How was her time in Busan?” Jungkook asks.

“It was good. She was a shy kid but she found good people she trusted and that meant everything,” Mr. Ri answers. “I visited them often, even when they returned to Daegu. But I stopped once ___ moved back to Seoul after college. I’d ask her about her mother every now and then. It was nice to hear how well they’re doing, and how happy they are with their new family. Min-woo’s a good man and his daughters love Hye-soo and ___ so much. It turned out well for them. When I think about that, it’s really hard not to justify the decisions I made.”

“Will you make them again? If given the chance?”

“If I still think it’s what’s best then, then I would. Sometimes we make decisions because of the other person, not exactly for ourselves. Sometimes that’s how we realize just how much we love them, you know? When their happiness trumps our own.”

Jungkook merely hums. While he doesn’t think he’s at that point with you, he cares enough to want you to have that chance to find your happiness, in whatever form that may be. And if leaving the company is what it takes, then he knows you deserve that and more. It doesn’t change the fact that he wishes you can search for it while being with him, but perhaps it’s better if you find your way back to him instead. He’ll at least know you chose him, and not because you felt like you owed it to him to stay.

They make it to his parents’ estate over an hour late. The guests have arrived and Jungkook greets them before finding his father. When their eyes meet, there’s a look of sadness in the elder man’s eyes. Perhaps it’s understanding; maybe it’s an apology.

His mother gives him a long and tight hug, one that he savors for the first time in a long while. He remained distant from his parents after he decided to pursue further studies and then work in their office abroad. It’s a relationship he’s still navigating. While his mother has always been present and affectionate, Jungkook is the one who stopped reciprocating. It just seemed easier that way, but he realizes that he’s missed her warmth after taking it for granted all these years.

The lunch gathering lasts for a few hours. Jungkook tries to pay attention to the conversations since engaging requires too much from him, especially after the morning he’s had. But his father doesn’t reprimand him this time, and for that, he’s thankful. Hoseok keeps him on his toes though, but Jungkook’s mind constantly wanders towards you. He wonders how you got home last night, if you managed to get some rest, and if you’re spending your time being angry at him or if, by any chance, you’re missing him like he’s missing you.

It’s 5 PM by the time the last guest leaves, and with Hoseok and A-yeong needing to attend a dinner party, Jungkook is left to speak with his parents alone.

“I heard you know the truth now,” his father says as he sits across from Jungkook in the garden. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.”

“Did you intend for me not to know and find out from someone else?” Jungkook asks.

“___ applied to the company with the intention of contributing in a small way,” his father says. “She made it without any say from me and that’s a testament to her skills and capabilities. When we met after her first day, she asked that she not be treated any differently, and I agreed. I stayed true to my word and I kept my distance, but when I heard about how Mrs. Byun treated her, I knew I couldn’t just stand back. I encouraged her to apply for the EA position, knowing that she would be treated well. And with that, she asked me not to say who she is - not to Hoseok, and especially not to you. That’s not how she wants to be known. And I always respected her request.”

“Does it make any difference, son?” His mother asks. “Does knowing who she is to our family change the way you see her?”

“No, but it makes me wonder how she’d seen me all this time,” Jungkook says. “She put up with me despite how I treated her. She was kind even if I was distant. She… she let me open myself up and that’s… that’s why I like her. That's why I asked her to be with me.”

The surprise on his parents’ faces is immediate, but they stay calm, and it’s what prompts him to continue.

“I just hate to think that she suffered all that time because she still felt like she owed us. If you asked her to stay and help me, she wouldn’t have been able to turn you down. And what if… she’s confused her feelings for me for just… gratitude towards you?”

“Oh, my dear son,” his mother sighs, taking his hand as a form of comfort. “We are so sorry that all this has caused you to doubt her sincerity but if there’s one thing we know about ___ is that she’s genuine, and if you felt cared for by her, then she meant all that.”

“Yes, I did ask her to help you, because I knew that if there was someone who could get through to you, it would be her,” his father says this time.

“So you took advantage of her? Because you knew she’d do what you’d ask,” Jungkook huffs.

“I did that because I knew that she would care, that she would understand. Thinking about it now, perhaps I asked for too much,” the elder man shakes his head. “She’s a lot like her mother, and I’ve come to realize that you’re a lot like me. I needed someone like Hye-soo and somehow I just knew that you needed someone like ___. Both of you opening up and finding comfort in each other just happened, I suppose, and that’s not such a bad thing, is it?”

“I don’t know. Because now, she doubts what I feel and I’m not sure about what she feels, too,” Jungkook admits, letting his own insecurities get the better of him. He hates that he’s started to doubt you as well.

“If it matters, I’ve seen how she is with you. She cares about you, she worries about you. And the way you respond to her just means that your heart feels her sincerity, too,” his father responds. “Don’t let anger or fear taint that for you.”

“Aren’t you mad about what happened?” Jungkook wonders. “She’s my assistant and I ended up crossing a line. I kissed her. In my office.”

“Perhaps I should be,” his father hums. “But with her planning on resigning, I suppose you’re already feeling a lot of emotions about that. I don’t want to add anymore. You’re an adult and you know that your actions have consequences. You just have to deal with them now. And don’t ever do that again.”

There’s no anger in his father’s words. In fact, there’s comfort that Jungkook has never heard before. It suspends his worries only for a short moment, as he’s reminded that you indeed plan on leaving. When that is, he doesn’t know. But he’s gonna have to start dealing with your loss just as he needs to deal with his feelings for you. It’s all too complicated; getting together despite what you both feel isn’t that simple. Your happiness comes first. He knows he cares so much that it’s what he wants you to focus on.

“Letting her go now doesn’t mean you have to let her go for good,” his mother tells him. “She’ll choose you if that’s what her heart says. And at least then, you’ll know for sure that she still wants you after everything.”

Jungkook’s parents’ words echo in his mind for the rest of Saturday that he spends in his living room, choosing wine as his companion for the evening. There’s no intention of getting hammered unlike the night before though. The drink calms him down and allows him to have proper sleep this time. He spends the most of his Sunday in bed, thinking about you, then attempting to remove you from his mind.

Not wanting to deal with any more tension, he instructs Mr. Ri that Monday to just drive you straight to the office. Jungkook arrives and sees you stand up to greet him as he walks through the hallway, and he responds with a nod as his own greeting before heading straight to his room.

There’s that feeling again - of missing you, of hoping he could fix things but not knowing how, of wanting to ask you to stay but knowing he has to let you go, and of wishing that when he does, you’ll find your way back to him again. He shakes off the thoughts during that short walk to his desk, feeling himself weaken with every moment that he spends far away from you.

Jungkook takes his seat and sighs as another day starts without his usual routine. Knowing he has no other choice, he pushes on. From his periphery, he sees you glancing at him through the window, and a part of him wishes it’s your attempt at seeing if you could speak with him, maybe ask if you could talk about what happened later on or about what he now knows about you. Or anything, really. He just wants to hear your voice again. Hopefully see your smile. Despite all his doubts about you, the emptiness he feels tells him that nothing’s changed - what he feels for you is real, and he might not know what’ll happen next, but he at least knows that what he wants is to be with you; he hopes he’ll figure out how to do that with you.

He sees you glance at him again and it sparks a bit of hope. That is, until he spots the envelope on his desk, and inside it, your resignation letter.

He tries to act unaffected as he reads what you’ve written. It’s straight to the point, as you narrate your journey in the company, having started as an intern and then working in logistics before finding your footing as the Vice President’s assistant. You list the skills you’ve developed and other things you’ve learned but that you think it’s time to venture into something new and different, noting how you’ll take all your experiences with you in this new stage of your life.

You thank him for his guidance, and he almost breaks towards the end when you mention the Arts Center. You apologize for leaving before its completion, but you’re thankful because it allowed you to appreciate the beauty of things, that it made you understand the value of meaning and connection, and that his passion for it pushed you to find something that you want to be passionate about, too. You’ve given him something, and now he knows that in his own way, he’s given something to you, too.

You type away on your desktop while not-so-discreetly peeking into Jungkook’s office to see his reaction to your letter. Your plan was to resign after the Arts Center was launched, knowing how big of a project it is that needs all of Jungkook’s attention. He can’t be distracted, and a part of you scolds yourself for being selfish about deciding to do this now.

But you also knew that you couldn’t delay it any longer. After what happened last Friday, you didn’t know how you could face him again, especially now that he knows everything. It didn’t feel right to continue on, not just because of your feelings but because you crossed a line - you kissed and did all that in his office. That itself is unacceptable; it almost feels like a betrayal to his family, whom you’ll have to painfully say goodbye to as well.

Mr. Ri visited you yesterday to give you comfort, knowing that you’d choose to go through this on your own again. Jungkook was devastated but was worried about you more than anything, you were told, and somehow that made the decision less difficult but still painful to make. You don’t know if he’ll ever truly understand, especially if finding yourself means letting him go despite the happiness he gives you.

It’s not everyday you find someone you feel so much for, but then again, human beings are complicated - they can want something and be scared of it at the same time; they can have the chance to have it but doubt it all the same. What you feel for him should be enough to dispel your worries about his sincerity but there’s too much going on in your mind at this point. Right now, you just want to get away. With him learning the truth, you suppose he needs time to process all that as well.

You’ll miss him though. You’ll miss everything about this place. But you’ll miss him the most.

Your phone ringing disrupts your thoughts, and your heart races when you hear Jungkook’s voice on the other end.

“Ms. Cho, please come to my office.”

You calm your nerves and find the strength to get off your seat and walk towards him. He’d been expressionless the whole time, and you wonder if he’ll hold off your resignation because it’s terrible timing. Either way, you try to prepare yourself for what’s to come.

But clearly, you didn’t do so enough, as you’re still left speechless when he holds out an envelope for you to take, the sight of his hands that once held you close breaking your heart again.

“I accept your resignation,” he says, his voice low and firm, his eyes not fully meeting yours. “You have a month until your last day but you have two weeks worth of vacation and I urge you to take them before you leave.”

“Thank you, sir,” you manage to say, your voice soft and shaking compared to his. “I… I will.”

“And this is your recommendation letter,” he says, handing you another envelope. “You’ve shown exceptional skills throughout your tenure here, Ms. Cho. Everyone you’ve worked with says so, and I’ve seen that firsthand. I’m sure that wherever you decide to work after this, you’ll be another great asset. And my family wishes you good luck in your future endeavors. Thank you for all that you’ve done for us.”

The words are too formal, too professional for your liking, and this breaks your heart even more. But you suppose there’s no other way to do it. You’re the one leaving; you’re the one who pulled away. After everything that’s happened, you’re the one who walked out to find your happiness when Jungkook needed you the most, and you could only hope that one day, he’ll forgive you for it. That he’ll forgive you for all of it.

“Thank you, Mr. Jeon,” you bow in thanks. “I’ve said it all in my letter but once again, I appreciate everything you’ve taught me.”

You bravely look him in the eyes as he seems to have found the courage to look at you, and the longer you do, the harder it all becomes.

“Shall I commence the process of finding my replacement, sir?” You ask.

“There is no need,” he replies. “I’ve received approval from my father to have Lucas come in as my assistant effective immediately. He’s scheduled to arrive this week, so you can spend the remaining time you have here turning over everything to him. I will announce your resignation to the team before then. You can also begin the offboarding process with HR so that there are no delays.”

“Understood, Mr. Jeon,” you say, the light in your eyes dimming as each second passes by.

“Is there anything else I could do to help you, Ms. Cho?”

There’s a prolonged moment where you and Jungkook just look at each other, his eyes tinged with a kind of sadness that you perhaps mirror, with words swimming in your own heads that neither of you wants to say out loud.

You wish he’d say that he’s okay, that he forgives you, and that he hopes it didn’t have to be this way.

He wishes you’d say that you’re sorry for leaving him, that you’ll be thinking about him, and that you hope you’ll find your way back to him again.

You want to tell him that he’s all you could think about, that you’ll miss him everyday, that you’ll search for beautiful things that are tangible like you said you would, and hope they would lead you back to him.

He wants to say that he’ll look for you everywhere, that he’ll hold onto every good memory you have together, that he hopes you find whatever makes you happy, and that he’ll wait for you until you realize that it could be him.

But the moment passes and then it’s gone. You bow once more and head out the door.

You take your seat and will yourself not to cry. You can’t help it though, even as you press your palms against your ears to drown out the sounds of your own sadness, of your heart’s call of his name even if you’re the one walking away.

You let the tears fall, a reminder that you’d done this, and that for the first time in your life, you’re crying over losing someone, even if he was someone you didn’t have in the first place.

Maybe you weren’t meant to have him at all.

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#jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x oc #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook series #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #boss jungkook

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pwr3tties · 2 years ago

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“Hey babe, who’s this?” You asked softly, pressing the phone into Reo’s hands. “Who? Oh, that’s Cammie- or Cameron, Cameron Taylor. She’s my best friend from high school.” He replied calmly, returning to his phone as you hummed. You didn't completely like his response but decided not to push it. He could have friends that were females, no big deal. Right? Right. But you couldn’t shake the thought of this ‘childhood friend’ you’d never heard of before.

Clicking on her icon, you scrolled through her profile, randomly tapping on photos you thought were pretty— or showed signs of your boyfriend cheating, but there was nothing except for the overly nice post and the flirtatious captions she typed tagging @reomikage. You weren’t jealous, no. You were precisely watching out for your boyfriend.

—

Months went by, and your second-year anniversary poked around the corner. Everything was fine until a rumour spread that ‘Supermodel Cameron Taylor and Soccer Sensation Reo Mikage Were Secretly Dating’ after being seen exiting a fancy hotel together, laughing about something while holding hands.

You better than anyone knew the internet loved to twist things around and make it look one way even though it was another, but the sight of your boyfriend being all ‘lovey dovey’ with another woman churned your stomach. But you didn’t bring this up. You knew what you had signed up for by involving yourself with a professional soccer player and successor.

—

Today Reo had a big game against PXG, and you surprised him with your presence after declining, saying you had an important conference that day. Luckily your boss also was a fan of your boyfriend’s team and let everyone out early to watch the game.

Settling in your seat in the front row behind Manshine’s bench, you notice a flawless brunette waving toward none other than your boyfriend, who was waving right back at her. You almost vomited at their interaction but retained yourself. After all, she was his best friend.

The game ended in a win for Manshine City, and you rushed to their locker rooms to congratulate Reo, but someone had already beat you to it. “[Y/N]? Is that you? I thought you said you couldn’t come?” Stepping closer to you, Reo reached out his hand to hold you, the same hand he crested his ‘best friend’ with.

“Suprise..!”

“Reo, is this your girlfriend? She doesn’t look like I’d imagined.. but still! She’s.. cute?” It would be an understatement even to say that she insulted you all while your boyfriend stood there watching with no intention of defending you.

Uncomfortable enough, you excused yourself, telling Reo you’d meet him at home, allowing the two to talk.

—

“Reo—“

“—Can’t right now. I’m going out with Cameron!” Without letting you finish, he slammed the door shut, rushing to his car.

“.. I love you.”

—

“Reo, it’s 3 AM right now. Where are you coming from?”

“Sorry, Cameron’s party lasted longer than anticipated.” He replied, slipping off his shoes. “I told you not to wait up for me.”

“That’s beside the point. You didn’t call or text to tell me where you were or that you weren’t hurt or missing—“

“[Y/N]! I’m tired. Can we go to bed, please?”

“.. I think I’ll sleep down here tonight.” You replied, returning to the couch, attempting to make it more suitable to sleep on.

“If that’s what you want. Go ahead.”

—

“Reo, we need to talk.” You demanded as he picked up his jacket off the rack. “Can it happen after? I’m hanging out with some old friends.” He pled, twisting the knob, ready to leave.

“Reo, I’m breaking up with you.”

Silence..

“You’re what? No, no, no, why?” He finally turned to look at you after what felt like months.

“I can’t do this anymore. You love Cameron. Everyone sees and knows it. I can’t be stuck as the second option forever.” You said, staring him right into his eyes, the same ones that used to look at you so lovingly.

“Second option? Cameron? Baby, no, Cameron’s only a friend!”

“Please stop lying to yourself. Mikage, I think it’s better if we stopped seeing each other for good.” That was the last thing you said before leaving the house while Reo ran upstairs searching for your things.

Nothing. Everything was gone. How did he not notice? How could he be so foolish and let someone so loving and kind like you go..?

How did he lose the one person who wasn’t with him for fame or riches? How did he manage to lose the person ‘he wanted to spend the rest of his life with’?

How did he manage to let go of you?

His ‘so-call’ best friend, that’s how. Taking a step back, he recalled all the moments that he failed to show up for you and instead went to spoil his ‘best friend.’ All the moments that he would rather spend millions to get attention from the supermodel than to freely receive affection from the woman he had at home.

The times he neglected you, thinking you were wrapped around his finger like everyone else, forgetting you were a real human being with emotions, needs and a heart.

If he could, he’d turn back time and fix all the moments he messed up. But he can’t, so now he has to settle for stalking your Instagram as he watches you and your fiancé slowly dance in your kitchen in your share house. As your new love stares at you as he should have. As your fiancé loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

Now he is, at your wedding, staring at you as you walk down the aisle with your cousin throwing flowers before you as you stop at the altar and wrapping your hands around your husband’s neck while tippy-toeing to kiss him.

Except, it’s not Reo. It’s his best friend, Nagi Seishiro.

#bllk fluff #blue lock #pwr3tties #pwr3tties writes #blue lock x reader angst #bllk angst #bllk x you #bllk x female reader #bllk reo #bllk x reo #i don’t like this but wtv #bllk imagines #bllk icons #reo x you #reo mikage #reo x reader

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totallynotcoffeeturtle · 1 year ago

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Kiss me under the milky twilight

Masterlist

(From the 6th to 30th April, I am having a mini 100 follower milestone event!)

Tags: Scaramouche x GN!reader, modern au, fluff Summary: Where Scaramouche celebrates Valentine's day with you, even if he's late.

Scaramouche pushes his glasses up while blinking tiredly. Not even the 10th cup of coffee can keep him up for any longer. The file and its blinking mouse begin to look like they are taunting him to no end with the tall pile of paperwork sitting beside him. He lets his forehead hit the desk with a ‘thunk’ while his eyelids shut under their own weight. The moment he is about to drift to dreamland, his own alarm wakes him up. Scaramouche looks at the clock on his cursed computer and is shocked awake. Fuck, he hasn’t prepared anything for you! It is already 23:00 on the 14th! He was supposed to buy the chocolate for you before the last store closed but of course his dumbass boss just had to dump more work on him. ‘You’re a great asset.’ He calls bullshit but he still needs money to buy you your favorite things. He groans. No matter how mean or rude he may act, he has never forgotten to buy you gifts on Valentine’s and any other occasion you like to participate in.

Scaramouche stands up abruptly, puts on his coat, grabs his wallet and clocks out. It’s okay to be late, he thinks, as long as he can get to you before the end of the day, even if there is only an hour left. At this time, only a convenience store would be open so he runs to the nearby Family Mart and looks at the various options under the clerk’s judging stare. And he understands because who even rushes to buy chocolate in a convenience store at 23:00?? Scaramouche looks at the many flavors before picking your usual favorite dark chocolate. He also quickly grabs your favorite tea, pays for them both and makes a dash for your shared home.

You stand on your balcony, fiddling with the little plant that you got from the local fair boredly. Scaramouche knows how early you often go to sleep so he would always go back on time but this is the first time you had to wait for him for so long. Even the fancy dinner you made got cold in the meantime. You pout and push against the succulent’s leaves until you hear rapid footsteps and the gate unlocking. You run down the stairs quickly, opening the door and bumping right into his chest in the front yard. Scaramouche huffs at your excitement despite his heartbeat increasing like a teenage boy in love. He shoves the gifts he got into your hands, “Sorry for being late. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow with something better.” You grins and hugs him tightly, “Don’t worry about that, just come inside. My gift is in the fridge, waiting for you, love.” He holds you tight and kisses you deeply, mumbling against your soft lips adoringly, “What will I ever do without you…”

A/N: This is kinda rushed and the ending is weird but happy Valentine's day~ i'll be suffering for 8hrs later but it ain't important rn Taglist: @amyminhminh (comment if you want to be tagged in future scara x reader posts <3)

#genshin x reader #genshin #genshin impact #x reader #wanderer #wanderer x reader #gender neutral reader #fluff #drabble #scaramouche x reader #scara x reader #scaramouche #modern au #i swear i'm not a scara simp i just write for my bestie #happy valentines #valentines day #happy valentine's day

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ellitx · 1 year ago

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Pls share those yandere Alastor concepts with us sometime! No rush and no specific request at this point, but I would love to see more of what’s on your mind, I really enjoyed the first one! :)

Yandere Alastor concepts

well this isn’t really a spoiler per se but i suppose i’ll give everyone a preview of Alastor and darling’s relationship since it’s going to be mentioned a lot (albeit in little details) in the upcoming stories

first part | second part | third part

word count: 1.4k

warnings: fem!reader

Before arriving at hell:

Alastor and darling are colleagues in the radio station they worked at.

She works as the scriptwriter and is in charge of creating the scripts for him (mostly for the weekly Saturday gossip)

Eventually, the longer you worked together, the less Alastor needed a script since he’s good at ad libbing

But he finds an excuse he needs one so you can visit his office and give it to him. For example, he needs a proper guideline for his upcoming broadcast

Most of the time he’ll invite you for a coffee inside and you’re worried your boss may find you slacking off the longer you stay, but Alastor reassures you it’s still job related discussion

He’d offer you a cup and you happily accept it

Once he knows you also prefer teas, expect there are several options prepared (mostly coffee cuz he doesn’t like teas)

After work, if it’s getting too late, he’d offer to walk you back home, AND he even gestures to you to hold onto his arm which you really find it sweet

Now Alastor’s a real gentleman. You find that very charming and you brush off his little touches such as his hands lingering a little longer when giving his script or when he stands next to you while the producer tells you the new ideas and his arm is brushing over yours

But Alastor can never forget the time you patted his head and praised him

He was flabbergasted. Shocked even. His smile was stiff like a mask. Then he looked away from your gaze and quickly walked towards the door

You were worried if you did something wrong due to his abrupt departure. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable being treated like that more than you thought

If only you knew what was going on in his mind…

The next day he was back to his usual self, but more chirpy and lively. It somehow unnerved you but you disregarded such thought and waved at him.

As usual with work life, you wrote the new script, your producer stayed back to give suggestions on how to improve the script, and Alastor was supposed to prepare himself for the recording.

Nope.

He stayed and tweaked the script. He would brush against you, giving you small jolts each time, and every time you subtly turned around, his glazed eyes met yours and you quickly returned to your typewriter.

His gaze is more intense. As if a hawk is waiting for their prey to take a step out of line. When you turned your face away, Alastor continued to watch you from behind. Your heart was beating so fast, you wished you could leave the booth and go back to the comfort of your house.

After the success of the latest episode, you weren’t expecting an invitation for a nightcap, especially coming from the infamous radio host. With the recent market crash making stable income a rarity, you found yourself hesitating.

Yet Alastor was persistent and he insisted on footing the bill. The urge to decline was strong, yet as you opened your mouth to refuse, his expression shifted, his eyes darkening slightly while his never-faltering grin remained unchanged.

“How could you refuse him?” Your inner voice scolded.

Before you know it, you find yourself at a speakeasy, a glass of chilled whiskey appears before you. You followed the trail of the arm, a long white sleeve covering the muscles you didn’t know were toned.

Has he always been this well-built?

“Is whiskey not to your liking, dear?” Alastor’s voice cut you off from your nonsensical thoughts.

Your gaze never took off from the glass.

I prefer beverages with a lighter touch than whiskey.

You mentally chastised yourself.

You heard a light chuckle, the wood creaking once he took the seat next to yours. The glass clinked as the small cubes danced along the waves.

“Hm, so my guess was right you prefer light alcohol over heavy ones.” The radio host remarked.

Your eyes widened, hands clamping over to your delicate lips. Did you just say that out loud?

“What’s wrong with wanting light alcohol?” The edge in your voice stung the other. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly at your remark in amusement.

“I never said it’s wrong to like light drinks,” Alastor swirled his glass before taking a small sip.

Your glass was still untouched, although curiosity was gnawing away at you.

“Why don’t you take a sip? It won’t hurt,” He offered.

Glancing at the burning amber liquid reminded you of the fate that awaited anyone who would be careless enough to get their drink mixed up. The cold droplets made you shiver slightly as they drifted along the sides of the glass.

You pushed the glass to him, “You can have it. I don’t want to get a headache when I still have to work on a new script tomorrow.”

Alastor gazed at your liquor. The jazz music of the bar was a nice touch after a tiring day, yet his visage that reflected beneath the soft glow of the speakeasy said otherwise.

“You’ll be working with Clyde?” There was a sharp tone in his voice.

When did he start caring about what you do?

Alastor looked past you, his eyes narrowed dangerously. That person whom you had previously mistaken for just another co-worker seemed more sinister, ready to pounce on any of your weaknesses. Was it because you rejected his invitation earlier?

“Yes,” you nodded meekly, shifting against your seat as you avoided making contact with his eyes. “The producer told me they want a new broadcast for our station. Like a theatrical drama rather than the weekly hearsay from our listeners,” you explained.

A loud crashing sound resounded within the small bar and you flinched, instinctively recoiling at the piercing noise and you gasped upon noticing a blood trailing from Alastor’s hand.

His drink which was half-empty was now dripping on the counter mixing with the blood that seeped through his hand.

“Alastor! For goodness sake, I just bought that!” A shrill voice shouted from the other side of the counter. A short woman in a flapper dress clicked her tongue and ordered the barkeeper to clean the mess.

“Pardon me for the unpleasant commotion. I didn’t mean to shatter the glass.” Alastor opened his palm and it felt like someone had suddenly slammed a brick wall right across your face.

The sight was sickeningly frightening.

You rummaged through your purse and took out your handkerchief, carefully removing the small glasses pricking into his skin.

He observed your careful ministrations with keen interest, a slight thrill shooting through him as your fingers grazed his. It was like experiencing a treat, each touch sending a wave of unfamiliar sensations coursing through him. Sweet yet sour.

The corner of his lips tugged, almost reaching his eyes. Your pale face, trembling hands, tightened jaw, stumbling words of assurance as you asked for medical assistance— he watched your face intently to catch every subtlety of your expression. He wants to devour every single bit, drink it, absorb it, consume it, nibble on it…

You cleaned up the last bits of blood oozing from his left palm, and he clasped your hand in his unblemished one, holding it firmly as he lifted your knuckles to his lips.

A broad grin spread across his face, reminiscent of the Cheshire cat's, and you couldn't shake the feeling that behind his dark eyes lurked a hint of mischief. It was a smile that seemed to dance between sweetness and something more sinister, leaving you both intrigued and slightly unnerved.

His lips that brushed against your skin provoked a shiver running down your spine, a cold realization settling in your bones. It lurked a darkness that sent a chill through your soul, leaving you with a sinking feeling.

—

After the small night of drinking, you promised to call Alastor later. You thanked him and hurried back home.

On the way, your thoughts are continuously turning into worry and fears. You asked yourself: why do you feel so uncomfortable around him? What makes you feel like you’re in danger?

Were you overthinking this? Maybe. But you couldn't shake off the uneasiness inside you.

Did he plan to hurt you? No, no way. It would be impossible since he was an impeccable gentleman.

This fear of the unknown and dread that gnawed at you will be the root of your sleepless night.

#the irony i had more progress when writing this than the actual chapter #elliwrites #hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #yandere alastor x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel alastor

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argisthebulwark · 8 months ago

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TES Summer Fest Day Seven: Companion/Fallen

summary: Tired of being held to unattainable expectations, the Dragonborn turns their back on everyone to be with Miraak. gn reader/Miraak, no gendered pronouns or y/n used. warnings: none! a/n: bit of a continuation from day one :) @tes-summer-fest TES Summerfest Masterlist

"Humanity's greatest warrior has abandoned us!" A sharp voice tinged with fear rings through the marketplace, much to the dismay of its shoppers and merchants. "Mankind will fall to the threat of dragons once more if we do not turn our eyes to the true power of Tamriel - the gods!"

"Mankind should turn their eyes to us, not those useless old men on their mountain." Miraak snorts in your ear, earning a sharp elbow in the ribs. He huffs out a laugh at the rushed way you tug the cowl tighter around your face.

"Don't draw attention." You hiss, shoving likely too many coins into the woman's outstretched hand. Too many alarms are sounding in your mind - there isn't time to worry about counting change. Your singular focus remains on escaping the large city without encountering any trouble.

"The Last Dragonborn has turned against humanity - fallen from grace!" The man's shrieks grate against your last nerve.

Miraak's cavalier attitude does little to help. Adventurous fingers clamber under your cloak and hook into your trousers, dragging you closer until his lips find your ear.

"What worries you, my dragon?" He murmurs, the silky voice doing little to calm your nerves. "I will level this city if anyone upsets you - we could do it together. You shouldn't concern yourself with mankind's useless opinions."

"We've discussed this." You grumble and grasp his wrist, intent on dragging him out of the city's claustrophobic walls. Miraak hurries after you, apparently content to let you boss him around.

"I know, I know - humanity is worth saving, you've said that." He recounts with an especially dramatic sigh. "I'm not allowed to destroy cities or you'll leave me."

"Correct." Even as you voice it, you doubt your conviction; you've already turned your back on the Greybeards, the Blades, and every Jarl across the continent to be with him - is there anything he could do to sever your connection?

"What exactly is your plan, my love? I have no doubt in you, of course - but you must know that I will not be welcomed into Sovngarde."

"If those spirits want Alduin to fall they will make an exception." You grumble, praying that your words will convince the countless heroes waiting in the afterlife - brute force isn't a viable option against the legions that surely await you there.

They must. There is no other option. Regardless of the waves of useless propaganda spreading across Skyrim you refuse to let Alduin lay waste to your home. While the Jarls bicker among themselves and the Greybeards waste time fretting over your lack of mindless obedience you intend to solve the problem, even if they disagree with your methods.

"You will be there with me." You assure Miraak, breath coming a bit easier with each step you take away from the crowded city. His hand slips into yours, calloused fingers a comfort when they squeeze yours.

"That is not what the prophecies have foretold, Mal Dov." He reminds you, voice shakier than expected. When you whip toward him you find those harsh eyes staring straight back at you. "Perhaps I do not deserve the redemption you offer me."

Afternoon slips into an uneasy night, your brain clouded with worry about what the next morning will hold. Your stomach churns as shaky fingers comb over the perfectly arranged weapons and stash of potions - will it be enough? Would an entire calvary be enough to take down the World Eater?

"It is not redemption." You finally utter the words that have rattled around your mind all day. Miraak pauses at your side without speaking but you feel the unmistakable weight of his eyes on you. "I do not intend to bring you to Sovngarde and back to redeem your soul."

"Oh, is it a punishment you seek?" He chuckles but you catch the uneasiness in his voice.

"It is selfish." You whirl to him, suddenly so desperate for him to see how utterly awful you are. Tears claw at your throat when Miraak pauses his actions.

"My love, what do you mean?"

"I cannot do this without you." You swallow back the fucking lump in your throat but tears still sting. "I - I'm not who they wanted me to be, none of them. I'm evil, fallen from grace as that fucking preacher said."

"You are not evil." Leather gloves are cool when Miraak cups your cheeks. "I am evil, yet you chose to let me live - you've let me into your heart, given me a reason to keep breathing." His honeyed words soothe the erratic beating of your heart, face warming when his nose brushes yours. "If you have fallen from grace, I cannot imagine the things they would say of me."

#tesfest24 #skyrim #skyrim x reader #x reader fanfic #miraak/ldb #writing

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eijirousbestie · 2 years ago

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We all know bakugou wear eyeliner so he probably knows how to do it himself but if one time he runs out of eyeliner and asked you for yours but he couldn’t do it cause yours is different type and You offered to do it for him

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THIS BUT IT CAME TO MY MIND WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO SLEEP

“I can do your eyeliner”

this idea is so cute

i literally have a playlist saved titled “doing bakugou’s eyeliner at 1:48am”

he hates liquid liner

He brushes the felt-tip over his eyelid over and over again but there’s simply nothing coming out. His eyelid is turning a soft shade of rubbed red the more pressure he applies to the eyeliner. This shit just won’t come out. At this rate, he’s about to poke his eye.

Taking the marker-like brush from his eye, he runs a few test strokes on the back of his hand. Only dry, faded streaks from the used pen stain his hand. He lets out a gruff sigh and caps the pen, tossing it into the small trash can in the bathroom.

His palms rest on the spacious counter of the sink as he stares at his reflection in the large, wall width mirror. He could always buy more but he doesn’t have the time to stop at the convenience store before his patrol. The whole eyeliner get up isn’t necessary but in his eyes, it takes his hero costume to another level, and he’s done it for ages.

He makes sure to turn off the bathroom light as he leaves and walks to your room. Not wasting a second, he brings his fist to your door and his signature three knocks rap on the wood. He places his hands on either side of his hips, his foot tapping impatiently as he waits. His feet are still clad in his slippers, contrasting with the stark display of his hero costume.

A soft shuffling can be heard behind your door just before you open it. You come face to face with Katsuki’s agitated expression. Already reading the room, you cut to the chase.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ran out of eyeliner. Thought you might have some to spare.” Giving him a quick once over you can see he’s getting ready to head out for patrol. Ahh so that’s why.

“Yeah I got some you can use. Let me grab it real quick.”

You leave the door ajar as you turn into your room and grab your makeup bag. You sort through it and grab your eyeliner before heading back to Katsuki and passing it to him. He holds it in between his thumb and index finger and examines the tube. It looks different from what he’s used before. Instead of it resembling a marker, the eyeliner is shaped like an elongated nail polish bottle. He shrugs it off though. He’s in a rush to get ready anyways.

“M’gonna use your bathroom mirror to put this on. Mine’s too far of a walk right now.”

“Have at it boss. Just don’t go crazy in there.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He grumbles as he pushes your bathroom door open and switches on the light. He can hear you chuckle in the other room as he unscrews the top of the bottle off. This is definitely not what he’s used before. The brush is incredibly fine and dips into the bottom of the bottle to gather the eyeliner. Liquid eyeliner. He’s never used liquid eyeliner. It always looked like too complicated of an option compared to a pen.

He contemplates calling you into the bathroom for help but decides against it. He can do this. He’s kicked villain ass plenty of times. He can surely conquer a bottle of eyeliner. Tentatively raising the applicator to his eyelid, he closes his eye and begins to paint the makeup on slowly. The thin line he makes looks a bit messy but relatively decent. He opens his eye to get a better look and all hell breaks loose.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” He sneers at his reflection, the skin just under his eyebrow is blotted with wet, black smudges. He furrows his eyebrows and the smearing just seems to get worse. “Fuckin’ hell!”

You, on the other hand, are lounging in your bed, legs stretched out as you beat another level of a game on your phone. His string of curses poke at your attention. You call out to him from your bed.

“You good in there?”

“The hell is this shit you gave me?” He yells back from the bathroom.

“You having trouble?”

“What do you think?” You pause for dramatic effect before speaking again.

“…want me to come in?”

“Do whatever you want.”

He’s always been horrible at asking for help. You hop of the bed and make your way to the bathroom regardless to see what’s going on. The door is already open and you see an angry looking Katsuki when you walk in. He’s got your micellar cleansing water and cotton pads laid out on the counter, his right hand using a soaked pad to dab away any residual black streaks from his eye. You lean a hip on the counter and grab the bottle.

“Have you ever used liquid liner before?”

“Take a wild guess.”

“Katsuki-”

“No. Now, you gonna tell me how this thing works or what?” He tosses the dirtied cotton wipe into your trash can and faces you, frown still etched on his face.

“I mean I could but don’t you have work in like, 15 minutes? I don’t think you have time to mess it up again.” His body slightly tenses and he reaches for his phone and checks the time.

“Shit…” he cuts himself off and exhales, shoulders dropping. He puts his phone back in his pocket and moves to clean up your counter.

“I could always just do it for you, y’know? It’ll be quicker since I’ve used this before.” He stops cleaning and looks over at you, left brow raised.

“Huh? What do you mean ‘do it for me?’”

“I can do your eyeliner is what I mean. I’m fast.” He squints at your proposal.

“How fast we talkin’?” A cocky grin creeps it’s way onto your face.

“Faster than you.”

“Don’t be a smartass.”

“Is that a yes?” You chide.

“Just be quick about it. I don’t got time for any extra shit.” Without wasting anymore time, you dip the applicator into the tube a few times before taking it out, cleaning the excess off on the lip of the bottle.

You get closer to his body and move the brush near his face. “I’m gonna hold down on the top of your eyelid okay? Helps make sure the line comes out cleaner.”

“Whatever. Do what you gotta do just hurry up.” And with that, you get to work. Your thumb lightly presses on the area just above the top of his left eyelid to smoothen the skin. Your other hand gently swipes the tip of the brush on his eye, a thin, clean line of black following the curve of his lash line. His lashes just barely graze the palm of your hand, each exhale he blows through his nose is warm on your forearm. The side of your hand propped on the side of his face, to steady your strokes, is flush on his cheek. You can feel the muscles under his cheekbones flex every so often as he clenches his teeth. In a matter of seconds you’re moving onto the next eye when his left cracks open.

You tap his arm. “Don’t open your eye yet.”

“Why the hell not?”

“You have to let it dry first. This isn’t a quick dry liner like you’re used to.” He grumbles in response, the low tenor echoing off the bathroom walls. You finish up his right eye and straighten up, fanning your hands in front of his face to help the drying process. After a few seconds, you deem it good enough.

“Alright, you’re good to go.” You cap the bottle and watch as Katsuki stares at himself in the mirror, a smug smirk showing off his pearly whites. It’s almost scary.

“Not half bad. Might appoint you as my stylist when I’m a pro.”

“Get the hell out of my bathroom.” He lands an unbothered stare at you and folds his arms across his well built chest, jaw tilting upward in a challenging angle.

“Make me.”

You cock up a brow. “Doesn’t your patrol start in nine minutes?”

A choked noise leaves his throat before he grabs his phone and checks the time again. His eyes widen and he all but bolts out of your bathroom, practically bulldozing through your bedroom and racing towards the front door. You laugh as you notice his slides are still on, his boots left near the door. You jog to the front door and fling it open, yelling out into the street.

“Shoes, Katsuki!”

#bakugou wears eyeliner #liquid liner is my mortal enemy #bakugou katsuki #mha drabbles #bakugou x reader #mha bakugou #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x you #katsuki fluff #mha fluff

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heymeowmao · 4 months ago

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2024.11.03 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325096691572277348

- /no luck with the AV settings, it seems. off to a great start./ LYN: Blame it on the fact that I haven’t streamed in too long. I’m sorry, excuse me. - /fixes it, sort of/ LYN: This still looks like it won’t do. Is- is this thing messing with me?? Can you only see one half? I think the aspect ratio is wrong. Let me work on it. No rush. /sigh/ I’m speechless. Maybe it’s because I haven’t used it in so long. - /crowdsourcing for help XD/ C: It sounds like we’re in a water drain. LYN: Hold on. Why don’t you wait for me- when I’m done fixing the settings I’ll turn it back on. - LYN: I haven’t streamed in so long that I’ve gotten rusty. I haven’t planned well, but I have just contacted some weibo staff in the hopes that they will impart their wisdom to me. They’ve told me to restart the video, so I’ve done that and it seems fixed. Is the sound ok now? There’s no more echo, right? Can you hear the music? You can. And the laughter? Ok, perfect. Today’s stream will go extremely smoothly. LYN: I’m sweating. LYN: Let me once again welcome you all to my stream. Welcome, everyone! I am seeing you all on this Sunday night. Welcome in. LYN: For the last stream I used a vertical view but everyone said that horizontal was better so I’ve switched back but what I didn’t account for was the issue with the settings, but that’s all been fixed now.

C: Congrats on breaking 1 million (views). LYN: Congrats, indeed. Of course, this is due to the efforts of the cast, crew, and viewers. Thank you, everyone. LYN: I saw yesterday that ZLS was working hard to get a lot of her friends to promote the drama. I saw many different posts from everyone around the industry in support of ZLYM. She’s worked really hard on this, and even /I/ wanted to make a post for her. It would say: “Friends, let’s watch ZLS’s drama ZLYM together.” I also count as one of her good friends in this industry, right? I wanted to get in on the fun. But then I was afraid that if I did people would accuse me of being dramatic (getting himself involved so that people talk about him). I wanted to post, “Support ZLYM, quickly start watching it!” But then I thought about it and came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be proper, so I reconsidered and did not make a post about it. LYN: I’ve learned to restrain myself. I’ve been cursed at so much in the past year that now I’m cautious and timid. If this were me a few years ago, I would promote it to the extreme. But now I’ve started acting as the male lead in dramas, and the ratings so far have been pretty decent, so… as a male lead I need to be more honorable/proper. I don’t want to stir anything up.

10:26 C: Boss, may I go to the upper decks*? LYN: You must thank the *heavenly realm. For letting me meet you. - [t/n: 上舱 = shàng cāng = upper deck; 上苍 = shàng cāng = “upper realm” = heaven ] LYN: /YZJ voice/ Stay on the lower decks! - C: I want to be your personal attendant. LYN: Oh, you must have seen up to today’s ep. (e7), right? YZJ gave DW two choices: 1. Come to the upper deck to be YZJ’s personal attendant, serving only me. YZJ didn’t get to finish, but DW chose the second option. But the second option was to… get hit. I’m speechless. LYN: You want to be on the upper deck? Oh- I don’t need you, though. The upper decks are full. There are no more beds left on the upper deck. Kang Ju sleeps on one, and his cane takes up another. I don’t have any more spaces, so how about you see if you can bunk with someone else? - C: Are there other jobs on the ship? LYN: You mean, other than my personal attendant? There are cleaners, aren’t there? And cooks, and… there are lots of jobs. Putting wood in the furnace (engine?), steering the ship, etc. LYN: /sigh/ Forget about it.

13:35 C: Ge, are there cockroaches on your ship? (蟑螂 = zhāngláng) LYN: /laughs/ No cockroaches, but Zhang-langjun (郎君) (Zhang Jinran) is there. LYN: Oh, Tang Xiaotian is here. Zhang-langjun is here, I saw him in the comments! Report him to management! Oh, we can’t? Zhang-langjun is here, let’s welcome him. LYN: It’s such a coincidence, isn’t it. A lot of things are just bound to happen- they’re determined by fate. Who would have thought that we were just talking about Zhang Jingran- a very handsome scholar, a poet, well-liked and kind, who is helpful to others, talented, handsome and taller than me! Such a handsome fellow, and people are calling him “Zhang-langjun.” - t/n: “Master Zhang”, but can also be interpreted as “Mister Cockroach” depending on where you put the hyphen. LYN: We said this during our livestream the other day, too. When we were shooting and had to call his name- “Zhanglang-jun.” We had already thought of this joke but I didn’t think that the viewers caught on as well. Such a coincidence! Then, I went to shoot at Hi6- also to promote for ZLYM- I had gone as an actor of the ZLYM crew. That slipper… the crew chose it for me. I didn’t choose it myself! When I had gone backstage to change there already weren’t that many selections left, so they suggested I wear the slipper and even asked me if I had any idol baggage. I said, “It’s fine, I can wear whatever. It’s all good. Let me wear the slipper.” At the time I recorded the variety show, the drama hadn’t started airing yet. So… it was just fate’s plan. I didn’t think I would be the slipper, but in the end I became the cockroach’s nemesis. LYN: Welcome, TXT. My “qiáng”. Why is he my “qiáng”? He had sent me a message earlier that read: “What do you mean that I’m your “qiáng”?” I thought about it the whole day- I just got off the plane and was on my way here when he replied with that. I was thinking about it and it’s because zhāngláng = xiǎo qiáng. [t/n: 蟑螂 (zhāngláng) = cockroach; a common online word referring to cockroaches uses the words '小强' (xiǎo qiáng) (little strong); even cockroaches get cutesy nicknames.]

17:53 LYN: Let me ask him if he wants to come on. // If video is not convenient for you, just audio is fine, too. LYN: TXT, I sent you a text message. Take a look at it.

LYN: You’re saying that Li Bofan is here? Oh- welcome, Bofan! [songwriter] C: Change the song. LYN: I’m playing songs in my own stream, and you want me to change it? /sigh/ There’s two possibilities with this friend: 1. They have high standards for music. They must have heard the previous song too much and it’s annoying them, so they want me to change it to something better. The other possibility is 2. They say that Li Bofan is here, so they want me to play this song. LYN: LBF- Start crying! // I’m joking!! (x3) I shouldn’t be touching his scars. -- 努力的人 (Hardworking People) [written by LBF]

LYN: He said that I haven’t turned on the “join livestream” feature. Let me turn it on for him. Okay- now it’s on. Hold on- I’m streaming on my computer, so- It should work! I’m on my computer. I’ve fixed it now, its on. / Oh- you’re eating? Okay, audio is fine. LYN: Then why don’t we just do a voice call from here (phone)? It’ll save you the trouble of connecting to the stream… // Because I’m streaming from my computer I can’t see the join request. Hold on. Let me see… Maybe we just connect via phone. LYN: /talking to someone offscreen/ I know it’ll come through the phone, but he hasn’t sent the request. Has he? No- what are all of YOU requesting to join for?? Stop messing around. I’m going to reject your requests! If you’re in the queue then TXT doesn’t have a space! Cancel your requests and stop messing with me. LYN: How long will it take me to find… /scrolling/. Wait- I can just invite him.

23:03 - /trouble getting started/ LYN: Okay! Let me interview you a bit. You now have the very resounding nickname of “Mr. Cockroach”- what do you think of it? TXT: /laughing/ I think this shows the viewer’s love for our drama. I was called “Laobing-ge” in a different drama, before. LYN: Do you mind it? TXT: No, because everyone has their own ways of expressing their love for something. I think it’s great, as long as we have the love in the first place. LYN: That’s fine, then. Thank you, also, for sacrificing so much for our drama. (being called Mr. Cockroach) TXT: No, no. It’s my pleasure. LYN: Are you eating? TXT: Yes, some Hunan cuisine and it’s so spicy. LYN: Okay. Well, do you want to say “hi” to everyone, and let them know if there’s anything they can look forward to in the drama coming up? TXT: Oh, they CAN hear us talking? Then I should blow my nose… LYN: Yeah, they can hear clear as day. Did you think we were talking privately, making secret phone calls? TXT: Oh. Well we’re on 8 episodes today, and- I won’t talk about myself, but I’m sure that people are seeing that YZJ is secretly teaching DW all these survival tactics and that he cares about her. ZJR continues to unhesitatingly help DW, but… Ning-ge will probably show a lot more change, so I hope everyone continues to watch and support. There’s more to the plot waiting for you. LYN: :) Honestly, I think that ZJR’s character is quite charismatic and he’s helped out a lot on the journey. He’s very upstanding. In the later episodes my relationship with him will undergo some changes, as well. Also! I saw a funny video today- the part where you were being pursued by killers and you took a rock to slam on their feet. TXT: /laughs/ LYN: Did you see that? TXT: Yeah, and someone had commented that they feel sorry for the killers. LYN: I saw a comment that almost made me die from laughter. TXT: I think I saw it, too. LYN: The comment said, “I’m a patient with severe paronychia* and I can’t bear to watch this image. It sincerely hurts to look at.” [*nail inflammation resulting from trauma, inflammation, or infection] TXT: I hurt, too. I was exercising and two of my nails... LYN: I’ll send that video to you, later. It was so funny. LYN: Friends- you can go find that video. When ZJR is using a rock to smash the bad guy’s feet. TXT: I even replied to that author, I said I was smashing cockroaches. LYN: Oh, you replied? TXT: Yeah. LYN: Okay, well- you eat. Later when you have some time I’ll call you over to come play. TXT: Okay, no problem. Bye, everyone~ Ning-ge, you continue. LYN: You, eat. TXT: Ok! LYN: Everyone, please give TXT some attention and follow him. There are more interesting plots and performances waiting for you. Please pay him some attention. TXT: Bye bye, Ning-ge.

28:00 LYN: Usually I use my computer to livestream, so sometimes connecting with someone is a little difficult. There’s a bit of a delay, which complicates things. Okay. It’s fine. C: What is paronychia? LYN: Go look it up! I won’t be explaining the symptoms and pain of having paronychia to you, here. This joke is the type where if you get it, you get it but it you don’t, then forget it. I don’t know why I have to be explaining this to you, when my drama is airing (and he could be talking about it instead). Along with treatment methods and the harm it brings to the body? What’s the point in me telling you this? To put it plainly, paronychia is when the nail grows into your skin. It hurts a lot. It hurts even when you're not moving, let alone when you’re grabbing a rock to smash feet. It’ll hurt you to death. C: The edges were red and swollen. LYN: Stop talking about it. Let us end this topic about paronychia here, okay? I have a drama airing, so my hope is that we can be talking about ZLYM when people enter the stream, so that they can go and support the drama. But here they are, entering the stream to hear us chatting about paronychia. Is this a side story? The Story of Pearl Girl: Legend of Paronychia??

30:35 C: Turn off the “join livestream” function. LYN: I won’t turn it off just yet. What if the female lead comes in, later? What will it mean that TXT came and I opened the connection, but now that the female lead is here I’ve turned it off? People would be able to hold that against me. There are people hating on our drama already, you want to give them the excuse to say that the male and female leads don’t get along? That’s game over.

31:25 C: Coconut Chicken. (yēzǐ jī). LYN: Is that the name you’ve come up with for me (Yan Zijing)? Mr. Cockroach is a pure tonal pun, but “Coconut Chicken” is a bit of a stretch, isn’t it? I think you’re just here for clout. It’s a little… not so… natural. LYN: If you wanted to call me Swallow Spirit (yànzi jīng), that’d be okay. For example, Fox Spirit, but I am a Swallow Spirit. /sings a bit of a song he associates “swallow” to/

32:26 LYN: Let me tell you- I am someone who is not affected by negative comments. Someone in the chat wrote four words, “the plot is average.” Friends- a normal artist will not respond to such a comment, but I am the type to face difficulties head-on. What type of person do you have to be, to come into one of the actor of this drama’s livestream when we are all having fun, just to say the words, “The plot is average.”?? You’re the type of person who makes a lot of noise online; but in real life- For example: a property just had its grand opening today and they’re celebrating with fireworks, but you walk over cracking melon seeds and just say, “The structure of this building is just average.” Eight security guards will come out of nowhere and beat you up! You really don’t know how to speak. You’re only good for making noise online. In real life, you’d go to a restaurant on its opening day, look at what other people are eating and say, “These dishes were cooked just averagely.” The chef is going to beat you over the head with their ladle. LYN: How annoying! LYN: Also I want to discuss a problem with you. “The plot is average.” If the plot is average, go find the drama crew! Go ask the screenwriter, what are you harassing me for??? You must be sick. Go find the scriptwriter’s weibo account and leave them a message, why are you complaining to me?! I’m just an actor, here to perform, so there’s no use in complaining to me about the plot. If you wanted to say that my acting was mediocre, that, I can accept. But for the plot? You’ve come to the wrong door. Get out. LYN: You’re such a bad person, so annoying. You’re likely to have paronychia. Later you can have Mr. Cockroach go treat it for you. This must be a sever paronychia patient: they’re in pain, so making a fuss will make them feel better. Go have Mr. Cockroach treat you. Follow TXT’s weibo account, as he’s a paronychia doctor. With his miracle rock you won’t ever have to worry about paronychia again.

36:30 LYN: The stream isn’t lagging. It’s because ZLYM has a promotion group, so I told them that I was going to go back to Beijing, but that I’d maybe do a livestream tonight. I told them about it, and ZLS asked me when I would start streaming, so she can come and send me gifts. I told her that my gifting is closed, and how about she just sends me 66 over WeChat for the ceremony of it and be done with it? So she supported my livestream that way. LYN: I’m kidding! How could I ask her for a red envelope?? I told her that my gifting was closed and she was happy she could save some money. But I told her that when I was streaming, if she had nothing else to do, she could come over and greet everyone. She’s the main lead of our drama, after all. So it would be nice if she could come to chat. She said OK, but that I had to remind her because she’s flying out somewhere tonight, she’s about to get on a plane. LYN: Our entire drama, including the producers and platform are all very attentive towards the promotions of this drama. I’m sure you can see it. We hope that more and more people can be aware of ZLYM, like it, and watch it. I hope it can bring people relaxation or enrich your lives, just a little. C: Lusi is here. LYN: Oh? Let me look- LYN: I realized something embarrassing- which is that when I was connecting to TXT a little earlier, I found out that I wasn’t following him. So when I sent him the invitation to come on my stream, I also subscribed to him as well. LYN: Lusi is here, so let me connect with her. So she can come on and say “hi” to everyone. // ?? What’s her weibo ID?? No- she’s not in here? It’s okay, we’ll wait for her. C: She came, then left. LYN: … Ok, fine. I’m guessing she wanted to spend some money but saw that the gifting option was closed so she went back out. LYN: She’s here now? Okay, she’s here! Oh, my goodness. (sifting through the requests) She’s here. // Um. I sent the request to her, but it’s telling me “Please remind the other part to upgrade Weibo to the latest version.” C: She left to recharge (add money to) her account. LYN: No, she doesn’t need to. LYN: It’s telling her to update to the latest version, so… I’ll invite her again. All she has to do is accept.

42:05 ZLS: What does this mean? What does this mean? LYN: It doesn’t mean anything- it means that we’ve successfully connected. ZLS: Oh, it connected! It told me that I’ve upgraded! This is so professional, Liu-laoshi! I really like connecting like this. This is my first time doing it. LYN: Of course! This is my previous area of expertise! ZLS: This is really professional! I like it. Hello, everyone. “Lao-da, put on some bgm.” Someone needs some music. LYN: Why don’t you greet everyone, first? ZLS: Hello, everyone. LYN: There really is a delay. // It’s okay- you can speak! - /she’s going through a security checkpoint, so they’re asking about the things in her bag/ LYN: Did you see today’s episodes? It’s the treasure hunt, today. ZLS: Last night, I- Oh, no. I haven’t had the time to watch today’s updates. LYN: Mhm. ZLS: I was in a hurry to catch your stream, so I’m happy. LYN: So what you mean is that catching my stream is a little more important than watching the drama? ZLS: It’s more important. Very important. LYN: So my stream has delayed you from watching the drama. ZLS: I said that your stream was more important, right?! LYN: I know- what I mean is that you should watch the drama when it’s time (and not get distracted), so that you can support ZLYM. ZLS: What are you- Okay. Okay, laoshi. LYN: Yesterday I saw that you were working hard and requested a bunch of your good friends to promote the drama, so I was telling everyone that I also wanted to repost and ask people to support your new drama.

ZLS: Sorry- I need to go through the security check. Let me tell you- sorry, Liu-laoshi- you’ll have to go through the checkpoint. Hold on! Go through the checkpoint, ok? Wait a moment!! LYN: Oh- she’s showing us the inside of an x-ray machine. Now we can so some research on it. She said I’ll have to go through the machine- but I’m holding my phone?? Okay, well. LYN: This might be the first time in my life- I’m sure that while I was being screened, all of you who are watching the stream right now have also been screened. ZLS: Sorry, I’m sorry! Sorry, everyone!! LYN: It’s okay! ZLS: Ten million people have been screened, sorry about that! I had to go through the- but it’s fine now. Sorry, sorry. Otherwise I would have delayed when everyone else is already waiting for me, and then I’d be in trouble. I think-yeah. LYN: Go ahead. ZLS: Everyone is very safe! Everyone went through, so you’re all safe. LYN: /laughing/ Yes, we’re all safe. Thanks for your hard work. On behalf of everyone here I want to tell you that “you’ve worked hard” yesterday to promote the drama. ZLS: Well, you’re the one streaming. And I felt that there was nothing more that I could do. What touched me was that a lot of friends that I don’t talk to that often also helped to promote the drama for me, probably because it was my first time asking them such a thing. And then- because I know that people are busy- and you know that most of the time you have to lighten it by saying “Oh, it’s no problem if you don’t have time. I was only asking.” LYN: “If it’s convenient for you, please help me to promote my drama.” ZLS: Yes, yes. - /talks about someone she only met yesterday, but was very sincere and encouraging/ ZLS: I was happy to see that everyone was willing to help and it felt a lot more meaningful than just a regular drama announcement. LYN: Of course, we’re thankful to all these friends. ZLS: Yes. Thank you, Liu-laoshi. Thanks for your hard work. Thank you to the fans- LYN: Thank YOU for your hard work. ZLS: It’s nothing. I want to thank you and your fans, and my fans, and the actors. We’re all working together to protect the show. I’m thankful that you like the drama.

ZLS: Oh! Your dog popped up! [t/n: a sticker in the comments] LYN: It’s a special effect! ZLS: Daimi!! LYN: Okay, well. You should catch your plane. I won’t disturb you, but it was nice of you to come at the last minute to greet everyone. ZLS: Yes, please support Liu-laoshi’s stream, and thank you everyone! Okay. LYN: You’re using my platform to extend your thanks to everyone, is that it? ZLS: Yes, that’s right. This platform is great! LYN: You can come more often to promote your dramas and I will collect less of a fee from you. ZLS: I think that’s a great idea! We can even join the stream. I think I should just promote my dramas with you in the future. There are a lot more people watching, here. LYN: That’s the truth. I have good equipment here, too. I have BGM! ZLS: Oh, right! You have the laugh track! /lyn plays some bgm/ Wow! LYN: It’s very impressive. You can give it a try next time, okay? You can promote your songs here, too. I can promote everything. ZLS: Ok, sounds good. Thank you. Thank you, Liu-laoshi! I should catch my plane now. LYN: Oh, my. Thank you for coming over and you’re welcome to come play more often. Have a safe flight! ZLS: Ok, ok. Bye! LYN: After you get off the plane, remember to watch ZLYM. Support ZLS. ZLS: Ok, ok. I’ll go and re-post ZLS’s weibo in support of the drama. LYN: /waves/ Okay. ZLS: How do I get out of here?? :) LYN: I’ll do it, I’ll do it.

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51:08 LYN: Ah! Oh, it’s back. Ok. LYN: I think that’s a good direction for the future of my business (having his actor friends join the stream to promote their dramas). LYN: I wasn’t kicked out. - /thanks people again for promoting ZLYM/ LYN: People are so nice, aren’t they? I started streaming and TXT and ZLS both came. TXT’s out there eating, too. But they still came over to be a guest. It makes me happy that everyone is working together in the hopes that we are properly promoting the show to everyone. I saw something even more touching though, today. After I saw it, I cried. The first thing is that I saw many of you had reserved cloud servers (?). It’s touching, because I know that they’re expensive. 30 yuan for a private room. Why do I know it’s expensive? Because I also paid a lot of money- but it’s not worth mentioning, because I know it’s what I should do! I spent a lot of money and- I don’t regret it at all. Thanks to all the friends who reserved the server in order to promote the drama, so that more and more people have the opportunity to watch the drama. I hope that if you were able to get the server, that you are able to watch ZLYM on time. Don’t have rushed to get the reservation but end up watching a different variety show instead… C: What’s the point of that? LYN: It’s like buying a membership for everyone. For example, there are some students out there who don’t have a lot of spending money, and therefore won’t buy themselves memberships to watch dramas. Then, some friends can come out and buy a membership for them, so that they can watch the drama. C: I didn’t get one. LYN: If you didn’t get one, then buy one. Please support the drama, ok? C: I bought SVIP. LYN: Yes, I did too. Did you think that as a big artist we can get memberships to big platforms for free? No, we still have to buy them, too. How strange is that? It’s a drama that I filmed myself, but I still have to pay money to watch it. I’m kidding! That was a joke. (about it being strange) LYN: Our friends are great and have kept promoting for me, which I am grateful for. I also expressed my thanks to them in the group chat yesterday. I know that every time one of my dramas air, that my fans have a hard time of it. Thank you for your hard work, everyone. Right now, your Ning-ge will offer you a deep bow.

56:45 LYN: I really enjoy reading the comments that are a little mental. Someone just posted a comment that read, “Then, why don’t you kneel for your fans?” /laughs/ That is, “If you’re so thankful for your fans, express your sincerity and get on your knees. Kneel, if you’re so thankful.” Some people… I want to share something with you- LYN: If you’re going to be so sarcastic, then it will be really difficult for you to survive in a workplace. Getting back on topic- if I were to kneel down in this livestream- So what? There’s no need to speak so mockingly. Do you think you’re Yan Zijing? Friends- I’m gonna kneel! This person is provoking me! Well, I’m the type of person who doesn’t back down to provocation. You really want to do this? You said, if I were really thankful, to kneel down to my fans. I’m going to do it. And what about it?? Let’s do it. /points at the camera/ Watch me. - /makes like he’s going to get on his knees but ultimately uses his hand trick/ LYN: I knelt. C: You mustn’t! LYN: You’re a good actor.

C: That scared me into sweating. LYN: What does that mean? Why would it make you sweat? You afraid that if I kneeled down… then what? I don’t know. C: I’m going to cry. LYN: No, no. Don’t cry! Kneeling is also a form of respect and becoming sworn brothers. It doesn’t matter- even if I did kneel it would be in the name of friendship. C: Bow to one another as husband and wife. LYN: That’s not worth it. Let us just bow to one another as sworn brothers. We may not have been born in the same month, day, or year, but we can die on the same month, day, and year.

1:00:45 C: Ning-ge, did you play the erhu yourself? LYN: Did I play the erhu myself… Um. Did you think I was like a blind person, and that as such playing erhu should come naturally? - /puts on some shades to blindly feel around/ LYN: Is that what you mean? LYN: I didn’t play it myself. I was making the motions, but the sound was filled in during editing. Yan Zijing was really playing, though.

C: Did you provide the beads for the drama, too? LYN: No- most of them were mine, but part of them were the crew’s, because some of the scenes required me to… throw the beads. /laughs/ I had to throw them at someone’s face, and I couldn’t bear to do it with my own. Most of them really are mine, though. Yu Yonghai- who plays Kang Ju- he gave me a string, and he put another string on for me. I gave him one of my plain ones and he gave me a matching one. He is also a hobbyist. He gave me a string of old xinyue, bodhi, and cinnabar, and I used that in the drama.

- /a comment about more puns of the name Yan Zijing; LYN: You can call him whatever you want./

C: Are the pearls in the drama real? LYN: If I were to say they weren’t real, would that be bad? If I were to say during this live that all the pearls in the drama were real, would that make it seem like we are serious about the props? Why don’t you just ask me if the gold bars in the drama are real?? Ask me if we really chop off people’s heads, while you’re at it. /sigh/ If the execution were real, actors would be one-time use, like chopsticks and tableware. Disposable. The beheadings and everything are for real, yeah. LYN: You know how YZJ is deeply poisoned? As the actor who plays him, I was also poisoned. It gives you a sense of immersion. On the day of filming wrap, I died.

C: Ning-ge, did you really play YZJ yourself? LYN: /laughing/ Uh? What type of question is this, I can’t wrap my head around it. Hold on. ??? “Ning-ge, did you really play YZJ yourself”? … No, I didn’t. I didn’t play him myself, no. A different actor did everything and they used AI to swap his face out for mine. That’s popular now, isn’t it? I don’t know when it started, but no matter who acts in a drama, they all have to use AI to switch the face and post it online to ask, “If it were this person instead, wouldn’t it have been a better fit?” If they’re more suitable, you should have had THEM act in the first place. Of course, I’m not talking about myself, here. I have also been face-swapped, you all know this happened with YNGS. But there are always these posts, “If this role were played by this person, wouldn’t it have been more suitable?” And in the comments are a bunch of fools adding fuel to the fire: “Yes, yes. This person is more suitable. It’s not bad?!? This looks good!” LYN: If acting relied on good-looks alone, then any good-looking person could become an actor.

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1:05:55 LYN: I hope everyone here can support Fangs of Fortune (FoF/DMGL)! It’s airing at the same time (as ZLYM) and is also a very amazing project. It’s extremely not bad, ok friends? There’s a singer called Liu Yuning, who sang one of the songs, called “Unintentional Big Dream (无心生大梦)”, okay? Let’s take a listen. -- 无心生大梦 (Unintentional Big Dream) [Fangs of Fortune OST] LYN: This song is my first time trying a new style (for me). When I received the demo I was wondering if I would even be able to pull it off. But I grit my teeth, because life is all about breakthroughs and I’ve never tried this style before. So I gave it a try. I recorded it, and I quite liked the result. LYN: Next week’s Hi6 should feature the FoF crew. I will also be there. I’ll be representing the ZLYM drama crew.

1:08:37 C: My mom says your mouth is poisonous. LYN: Did your mom watch that part in the drama? Yan Zijing has a poisonous mouth and he licked his own lips and poisoned himself to death? LYN: Thank you. I’m guessing Auntie has some good taste. I’ve seen Aunties and Uncles around me- not Brothers and Sisters, because I am already old- I see that they’ve also been watching ZLYM. They’re sincerely watching it. C: Will you go to Hello Saturday? LYN: I already went. I was on the episode that aired yesterday (11/2). You must not be my fan! All of my fans know that I went to record for Hi6. So if you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. That way you will always know what I’m up to. Ok? Support me. C: My mom says you look like a son-in-law. LYN: Ehm… if you get a chance, take your mom to get glasses. She saw incorrectly? Or maybe she was a little confused, just now? It’s possible that she saw incorrectly. Take her to get some glasses or something. Look after her.

C: Ning-ge, people are making fun of you online. What do you think of that? LYN: Friends, it’s like this- I am very thankful for YNGS. The ridicule and hate I received during that time was- I’m not exaggerating- almost three times worse than it is now. What I get now is actually not bad. The first thing is that the original group of people probably aren’t spending the money to purposely put me down anymore, and secondly the haters aren’t as enthusiastic about me anymore. They’re probably tired. After everything, they’re only saying the same things that they were last year. They just need to simply copy and paste their comments/opinions from last year and be done.

LYN: /whispers into the mic/ Friends, there are crazy people in this stream. Watch out. There are crazy people here. Earlier you told me that there were people hating on me, to which I replied, (basically) “So what?” Just now someone posted, “I’ll go kill them all!” Did you see that? It’s terrifying! I was told someone was hating on me and someone else posted a message saying that they’ll go kill them all. Really. LYN: Don’t do that!! There’s no need- what sort of grudge, and how much must you hate someone??? There’s no need. Don’t be like this. Calm down. It’s okay. (x3) Let me tell you- the people who hate me, deep down, actually love me. If you really hate a person you don’t even want to SEE them, but these people tirelessly pay attention to every move I make. They listen to every single word I say, trying to find something to use against me. Think about how attentively they must be listening to my timbre, my voice, my resonance, on top of looking at my average face. Right? How much must they have to pay attention to me? On a base level, it’s love. If they didn’t care about me, how would they know where I am wrong or which point to use to ridicule me? So really, they love me. Don’t kill them. Save me some face, and spare their lives. Spare their “dog” life. Ok? C: I’ll go all out. LYN: Don’t!! You’re going to fight the haters? It’s enough. That one person alone was terrifying enough. LYN: “Spare the individual under the knife!” [t/n: used to save someone from execution]

1:14:00 C: Why did you only have one sip of champagne yesterday? LYN: Because… my alcohol tolerance sucks. LYN: Just one sip was enough. It’s not like I was there to get drunk. It’d be a sight if I were to attend an event and just drink all their alcohol.

LYN: I’ll repeat myself- I hope you all can support FoF. If you’ve watched ZLYM and have nothing else to watch, you can support FoF. Widen your horizons. There’s also another drama called Our Days, which is also airing on CCTV. It’s a high-quality drama and this song has a sense of the times, which really helps you to become immersed in the drama. It’s called Our Days. -- 这一路 (This Journey) [Our Days OST]

C: You’ve done quite a lot in this stream tonight. LYN: I skimmed past this comment and at first thought it read “You’ve done some inhumane things in this stream tonight.” I saw wrong. I did a lot of things in this stream, yeah? I promoted ZLYM, and the dramas for which I’ve sung OSTs for (FoF, OD). Of course! We focus on cost-effectiveness and after-sales services. If YYXH had asked me to sing their OST, I would also help to promote them. But they didn’t come to look for me, so there’s nothing I can do. That’s just how it works. I accept the money to help people alleviate their “disasters.” It’s that simple. So I won’t be helping to promote YYXH today. Despite the fact that I am quite close with the actor-friends of YYXH, to each their own. Please be understanding. Excuse me, I’m sorry. We’ll work together the next time.

1:17:12 LYN: There’s also another very good drama airing called A Beautiful Lie. It’s on iQIYI and it ends today, friends. If you haven’t seen this drama yet, you can go support it. If you’ve finished watching ZLYM and you don’t have anything else going on- this drama has ended and all the episodes are out now. You can check it out, okay? It’s called “A Beautiful Lie” and you can take advantage of your break to watch it from start to finish. This song is called “You Are The One.” It’s a song I sang for the OST, and I hope you like it. -- You Are The One [A Beautiful Lie OST]

LYN: That’s right, and there’s another drama which is airing, called The Rise of Ning. This drama stars Zhang Wanyi and Ren Min. We also recorded an episode of Hi6 together, and I was happy to get to know these two new friends. So, friends, if you’ve got nothing to watch after finishing ZLYM, you can check out Rise of Ning, okay? In this drama I sing a song called 泼墨. -- 泼墨 (Splashed Ink) [The Rise of Ning OST]

LYN: There’s another drama, called Kill Me Love Me. Some very amazing actors brought to life the very beautiful drama called KMLM. I think it’s already finished airing, right? In it I have sung a song called “不敢逢春 (Do Not Dare to Welcome Spring). I hope you all can support this drama as well. Even though it’s already finished airing- the membership period for it is already over- but you can watch this great drama in your free time. Okay? Please support it, friends! -- 不敢逢春 (Do Not Dare to Welcome Spring) [Kill Me Love Me OST]

C: Ning-ge, do you still owe OSTs? LYN: I owe two, and there’s one I haven’t decided whether I will take or not. They haven’t been recorded yet. Thanks for your support. C: Do you have more? LYN: Of course I do. That’s right. This song is from the drama Story of Pearl Girl, which also stars me. The OST is called 惟愿 (Wish). -- 惟愿 (Wish) [The Story of Pearl Girl OST] - C: Ning-ge, your dance at the press conference wasn’t half bad. LYN: /glares into the camera/ You don’t need to say it like that. - LYN: This song is from a drama airing on Youku. This is the ending theme from the amazing drama called ZLYM. It’s sung by a singer that I really like- Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. This drama is about a pearl harvester- /laughs at himself/ It’s too “official.”

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C: Ning-ge, is the ending a BE or HE? LYN: The ending… I think it’s fine if I tell you, because everyone already predicted this ending. The ending for ZLYM- for YZJ’s part- nearing the end he started to find the reason to keep existing in the world. He ends up finding something that made him truly happy. But in the end, he was taken away by aliens. The moment he found happiness, he was taken away by aliens. Which planet did they take him to? Maybe that will be revealed in the second part of ZLYM; it’ll be called The Story of Pearl Girl: Interstellar. It’ll tell the story of what happens to YZJ after the main storyline. It’s okay, because it’s an open ending. It’s not a sure thing where the aliens took and left him. It’s also possible that he was cremated. He was lit up, like a lighter. Or maybe they threw him to a different planet, full of Mr. Cockroaches. It’s a planet that gives him a headache because the planet is full of Mr. Cockroach. The story is about him fighting with these Cockroaches, I’m guessing. C: As long as you don’t die. LYN: I already said this before- the mortality rate of the characters I play has reached 80%. As long as LYN is in the role, the character’s mortality rate is already 80%. 10 characters, 8 have died. That’s just, inexplicably, how it is. No one else has reached this point, have they? Very few people can have this effect. The mortality rate of any character that I play is 80%.

C: Lao-da, you can watch an ad, then come back to life. LYN: /laughing/ Wow, that’s an idea. For example, a character I play dies near the ending. At this point a 30 second ad pops up on the platform. “Would you like to resurrect Ning Yuanzhou?” Use 30 seconds of your life to resurrect. That’s an interesting way to interact with viewers. You can resurrect protagonists. I’m sure this will be an expensive ad. This way, when you’re filming the drama you can shoot an alternate version where the protagonist isn’t dead. Another example! When you’re filming, you shoot two versions- one dead, and the other not dead. Then, when it gets to the last episode, a window will pop up. “If you would like to purchase an ending where the character is alive, please pay 6yuan.” So the people who want this character to be alive can pay to watch an ending where everyone is alive. There can be multiple endings to choose from: A) The leads are in love. B) The leads aren’t in love. C) People live. D) They’re all dead. If need to spend 6yuan to unlock each ending. The platform sure can make a lot of money, that way. 6yuan for a resurrection. Not bad. C: You’re a shrewd businessman. LYN: /YZJ voice/ Of course.

C: Spend money to determine life or death? LYN: Yes, because the audience is God, and God can decide whether you live or die. Right? Even for me- whether as an actor or before when I was a waiter in a restaurant or a salesperson in a clothing shop- this is a service industry. As an actor, you serve the audience, and serve the drama crew. In this case, we are also service workers. The consumers are God. You can spend 6yuan to determine if we live or die. Only 6yuan to hold the life of a character an actor has played in your hands. Is it worth it or not? C: 3yuan for half-dead but not alive. LYN: Do you think this is Haidilao?? There are large portions and half portions??? “Give me a half serving of duck blood!” Half-dead? What does that even mean?? Someone who’s catatonic? The person is lying there, alive but mentally dead. Half-dead. Can’t you just grab your roommate and pool your money to split the bill? You pay 3yuan and they pay 3yuan, and together you can eat a full meal! Honestly…

1:31:20 C: Ning-ge, quickly apply for a patent. LYN: What’s the point in that? I’m sure that a lot of platforms have thought of it. If I can think of it now, then platforms have thought of it ages ago. It’s just that if such a thing really was released… the platform might get cursed to death. Then that means my idea was a bad one. :( LYN: I can joke about it in my stream but I’m sure that if any platform out there really does implement such a thing they’d be cursed to death by the viewers. I’m saying it as a joke, friends. Please don’t take it seriously. Because- how can I put this? The platform wouldn’t need to use such measures anyway because doing so would affect their stock value. It’s not worth it. The money they make in stocks is probably higher then your 3-5 cents. LYN: But my Yan Business Empire WOULD use such a measure. The Liu Group Business Empire would. XD

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1:32:20 -- break #1 - /troubleshooting bc we can’t hear the audio from the video he’s playing as commercial break/ - /he CAN play Hardworking People, but it’s not the full version (and he needs more time than that)/ - /video editor OP has new works, but he hasn’t dl-ed them to this computer yet bc he just got back/

1:38:32 LYN: I’ve found out that there are some friends who have already predicted my prediction. Oh my goodness. You all are too amazing. Why don’t you go be a streamer and be done with it? I think you’re too amazing. You’ve already predicted what I was going to say! I JUST sat down and I saw a comment scroll past saying, “When Ning-ge comes back he’s definitely going to say, “The neighbors weren’t fighting, they were watching e7 of ZLYM.”” Amazing. Hey- why don’t I sign you as one of my artists? Your reaction-time is too fast! Episode 7 of ZLYM is YZJ’s first fight scene. I was already prepared to come back and tell you about it but you took my baggage and- what is it called? You didn’t spoil the joke… there’s this thing in crosstalk where members in the audience- “pao le”! Yes. You’ve “dug up the baggage”! Aiya. But, your reaction ability makes me really admire you. I’m impressed. Not bad.

1:39:50 C: Can you see me, Lao-da? LYN: I can see you all! Of course- yes, you’re a new fan. LYN: I want to take this time to thank all of my fans and friends. I’m really grateful for all of you. You’re there for all of my offline activities, program recordings, and such. When I was recording Hi6 for two days you were down there shouting and supporting me. I want to sincerely thank all of you. Thank you, and you’ve worked hard. I hope that you are happy, though. Okay? LYN: I know you’ve been helping me to fight against the haters and to promote the drama, and the very talented friends among you make video edits. When I see what you’re doing I feel touched and a little proud. I just want to say that you all are pretty talented! C: Ning-ge, I believe that good fortune will arrive. LYN: I-I’ll work hard, okay? I’ll do my best to work towards that goal. I don’t dare to acknowledge the fact, but I can work hard. People must have dreams. Maybe your dream, to others, can appear ridiculous or make people give you spurned looks and spit, but you just need to believe in and work hard towards your own dream and I’m sure you’ll find an answer.

1:42:45 LYN: See? I’ve just finished saying that and already there’s someone pushing me, asking if I’ve looked at any scripts recently. Um. Well… I haven’t. I already said- I’ve come back to being a singer. That means it’ll be hard on you for a while longer. LYN: The reason I’m not too anxious about it is because I still have three dramas that are waiting to air. Of course, if I come across a good one I will definitely accept it. Mainly it’s because I’ve been pretty active lately with business, variety show recordings, and some stage performances. I’m not in the mindset to sit down and look through scripts. And… I’ll look at them in a couple days. Don’t worry- I’ll give them a look. I’ll finish what I’ve got going on first, and will be busy for a while yet. Such as discussions for my concert, recording the OSTs that I owe, and… in any case I will be adjusting my own physical condition.

C: How’s the second album coming along? LYN: The second album… I think it’s just short one song now. I’ve collected another one recently, so now I’m only short one. If I wanted to release it I could grab any song to add and release it. I do have some songs that I like, but the question now is if I really want to get this going right now or not. I CAN release the album, but I would need to form more concrete plans first.

1:44:53 C: I feel like you’re in a better condition now than when you were filming. LYN: Yes, because I got fatter after I came back. My skin and body are in a much better condition than when I was filming, because for the past four years I’ve been in Hengdian and haven’t left it. I think it’s okay, though. This year and last year the two guzhuang dramas for which I am the male lead have aired and they count as an acknowledgement of the past four years I’ve worked here. The reception for YNGS was good, and I think it broke 10k views, right? Actually, on iQIYI that’s hard to achieve. There aren’t many dramas in a year that can do that, if you think of how many drama that are released in a year. So YNGS already achieved great results. But I always see some inexplicable commentary. LYN: Of course, I can understand why people say this about the drama. People have said that “The ML in YNGS is too unfortunate (looking). I got halfway through and stopped watching.” And people were following along, saying “Yes! The people around me all said the same- they got halfway through and stopped watching because the ML was ugly.” I guess it’s my fault, otherwise YNGS would have surpassed 2m? Blame me. Think about it- so many people STOPPED watching and it already broke 10k. If the continued to watch, maybe it would have broken 20k. Right? Because about half of them stopped watching because of me, and I am one of the leads. I’m sorry- I was the block that kept YNGS from hitting 20k. Sorry, sorry.

LYN: And then, this year, the same words are flying around. I will never be free. There were comments saying that the ML is too ugly and that they won’t watch the drama. I opened up their Douban reviews, and attached was a really long image- someone sent it to me and told me, “Check this out, Ning-ge.” It was a really long image. They weren’t my anti, but an anti of one of the other actors in the drama- and they gave a one-star review to any actor that I’ve worked with. Meanwhile all the other actors received five stars. So- it’s an enemy of one of the people I’ve worked with, but the blame is all on me. [t/n: I’m confused] This person must have felt like a genius. Actually, I want to say that maybe you didn’t know who the protagonist was- you might not even know me. It’s also possible that it’s because I’m ugly. That’s entirely a possibility. But the problem is, there was no need to drag me into it! I was just here to blend in, you didn’t need to drag me in and use me as the weapon. I know I don’t look very alert, but there was seriously no need. If you’re so amazing, pick your fights one-on-one but don’t use me as a shield. You used a borrowed knife to kill! I’m too miserable! C: I’ll go kill them! LYN: No need!! Are you all crazy?? YZJ looks so mean but he hasn’t said anything about killing anyone. He’s only mean on the outside- on the surface level. But here it’s like there are a group of you gathering together and are ready to commit murder.

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1:49:35 LYN: I want to thank all my good friends, my fans, and the people who are in the stream today, who are probably watchers of ZLYM. Many of you must be fans of other artists, or just passing by. I want to thank you for your support of ZLYM. I, Liu Yuning, will toast to you all. Cheers. C: Drain it. LYN: You people- Let me tell you, I really see all sorts of people in my streams. Have you ever met a person like this- for example: a groups of friends go out for drinks. “Come on, let’s drink!” Okay, drink. /sip/ “You- you didn’t drain your glass. What, are you raising fish? Drain it! Drink it all. If your feelings are deep, you’ll drink it in one shot. If your feelings are shallow, then one lick is all it takes. You’re a grown adult man, you should down it. Do it, do it!” “If you don’t drink, then you’re not giving me any face. Quickly, down it.” … Do you know anyone like that? I don’t know- I think they exist, because I’ve met them before. C: Acting as me? LYN: You’re THAT person?? It’s really annoying. C: Sounds like me. LYN: Oh, there are so many people who act like that? That tracks, because the stream's full of people who would kill an anti if they got the chance. LYN: Actually, friends, I am also this type of person. How else would I know how to act them so well? We’re the same type of person. I am not discriminating against you. Come then, friends. Let’s act that out again. LYN: A toast to all of you, and thank you for supporting ZLYM. I hope you can continue to watch until the day it finishes airing. Continue to support it, okay. Thank you. I’ll toast to you. /one shots it/ LYN: Drain your glass!! What are you doing, raising fish?!? Drink it, drink it! - LYN: ! (to Daimi) You gave me a fright, you. - /picks Daimi up, but she’s not in the mood for sitting/ - LYN: Down it, down it! What are you doing? /laughs/

1:48:45 C: How did English speaking go yesterday? LYN: I know I always brag in my streams that my English is so good, but when I actually need to use it I’m lost. I’m dumbfounded. The thing I’m most afraid of, you know- a normal person would be like this. For example. To my understanding, when a foreigner wants to communicate. First, they will say “Nice to meet you.” Then, of course I know how to say “Nice to meet you!” back. “Nice to meet you. Thank you, thank you.” But after two sentences, they think I KNOW English!! That’s a bug (glitch), friends!! “Nice to meet you.” “Yes, nice to meet you, too.” Then they will start- /”speaking English fluently”/ To which I- /can only smile and nod, laugh politely and say “yeah/of course/thank you/cheers” in response/. /sigh/ LYN: The most embarrassing thing is that you just finished saying, “Nice to meet you” and they start talking. After a while of talking, while they are awaiting your response, the person next to them (translator) says, “Oh, he can’t speak English.” And THEN, the person you were trying to talk to just goes, “Ah.” I’m sure they’re thinking, “If you didn’t know how to speak English, then why did you say “Nice to meet you”. I think you look like a mudfish (ni chou)!” LYN: But the good thing was that I could understand about half of it. Half-guessing and half-listening helped to me understand half of the conversation. I also watch foreign movies, and I’m the English class representative of Dandong Cooking Second Technical School, after all. You knew that. I went to study how to be a cook, but there are English classes.

C: You had such a history? LYN: ! A new friend. I caught you. I told you I was the English class rep of my cooking school, and someone asked, “You have such a history?” You’re either trying to flatter me, or you’re a new friend. Friends, let me tell you- you have to pay attention to the details. From this single point alone you can infer that I have new fans. Even if they’re not my fan, I still have a new friend in my orbit. They’re not my fan, but we’re still considered friends, right? Nodding your head at someone can mean that you’re friends, right? I will nod my head to you right now. /Nods/ That’s how you make friends. LYN: This means that the YZJ’s drama has attracted fans. :)! So for those of you who are acknowledging our friendship by nodding your head, if you have not subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. I am Liu Yuning. I welcome you all.

LYN: Oh, my. You are quite educated. Someone used the term “as close as old friends.” C: I’m not a new fan anymore. LYN: That’s good, too! ~ Welcome new friends, without forgetting old friends. The road is easier to walk with more friends. At this moment, you all should be thinking of this song: -- (朋友 (Friends) - Zhou Huajian) - /someone hands him something/ LYN: Huh? Friends- Youku platform is too kind. I just said something that I need to apologize for- I was too narrow-minded. My bar was set too low. Friends, I want to cry. I made a joke earlier, asking why I had to buy SVIP membership to watch my own drama… /holding back his fake tears/ It’s like this- to the directors, first of all, I was joking when I commented on having to buy membership to watch my own drama. But they have gifted me with 1,001 SVIP cards. Friends, aren’t they so righteous? This means that I don’t need to spend money to watch any drama that airs on Youku in the future. Maybe I’ll save these cards, and for example in the future when I have a daughter, I’ll use it as her dowry. It’ll pass down from generation to generation. C: Ning-ge, can you give them to us? LYN: I can’t. Thank you, Youku. Thank you. C: Raffle them off. LYN: I won’t! Why should I?? I’m keeping them for myself! They sent me 1,001 SVIP cards, and I’m going to keep them for myself. Why should I give them to you? I won’t! -- 朋友 (Friends) - Zhou Huajian LYN: Friends, sing along!! LYN: I was too short-sighted. I can’t believe they sent me 1,001 cards. But what if I turn around and start selling them? One card is 30yuan, then that means 1,001 cards is…. 31… 33,030yuan! [INCORRECT] C: That’s 1110, not 1001. [this woud be 33,300yuan, actually.] LYN: Oh, sorry. /thinking/ C: It’s 1101. // They charge by month. LYN: Oh, it’s by month?? Help me to calculate- how many years is 1101 months? Ten years? Nine? They’re using this as an opportunity to educate me. 9- 91 years?! C: 91.75 years. LYN: /lol” “.75”! They gave me 91years of membership??? HUH?! Wow, 91 years of membership. Oh my goodness, then that really IS going to be passed down through generations. I’ll need to give this to my children. LYN: They already put it in my account, so I don’t think I can give them to anyone. Sorry, friends. But what if I sell my account?! What if I sell my account, with the caveat that if my drama airs they have to go and leave comments. That way no one will found out that I’ve sold my account. I’ll sell the account to them for cheap, but every time a drama of mine comes out they have to go leave comments for my fans. LYN: That’s so dumb. I’m kidding! Thank you- thank you, Youku. I’ll strive to live until I’m 125 years ol; someone counted it for me and by then I’ll be 125. This account is going to be a target for hackers in the next 91 years… C: What’s the password. LYN: The password is yanzijing666. You can try it. LYN: ZLYM started ariring on Nov 1, so that’s meaningful. [t/n: not sure why he made that comment.]

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2:06:12 C: This is my first time seeing a ML play an erhu. LYN: ? I think that’s true. Usually it’s playing the dizi (flute) and playing the guqin. For the most part in guzhuang dramas it’s either dizi or xiao, the guqin. Erhu is pretty rare- not saying it’s never happened- it’s just rare to see, especially for the male lead. Other roles would play it, of course. But specifically the male lead, and not a supporting character or those fortune tellers by the side of the road. Think about it. C: Violin! LYN: I was talking about guzhuang dramas. Have you seen a violin in a guzhuang drama??! Why don’t you just get an electric guitar, then? We’ll do death metal. There’s no way.

C: Male God, how long have you been streaming for? LYN: She called me her “male god.” I don’t think I count as that, but maybe as a “male psycho.” How long have I been streaming for? Let me take a look. Two hours. It’s been two hours. Why? Where you looking for me for something?

1:08:07 LYN: The character of YZJ is quite… I’ve said this in an interview before, too. He’s special, and a character I enjoyed portraying. Maybe- not humbly speaking- I can see my improvement in acting through YZJ. Let me praise myself. I did improve. Because, honestly speaking, after I finished filming for YNGS I felt that I had made a breakthrough somewhere. I don’t know, but that’s how I felt. I’m not trying to say that my acting is amazing- I don’t act well. I’m still a very immature actor. I just want to share that even though I am immature, after YNGS I feel like I came to an understanding. I figured out how to handle acting, so I was able to experience/feel a lot more. After YNGS, I filmed another drama- you know (ZY). After going through that drama, I came into YZJ. Although he didn’t have any outstanding performance, I think it’s the smaller details that were more difficult to get a good grasp of. After watching my own performance, I want to say that I think that I have matured just a little bit. I’m happy for that, and I’ll keep working hard! LYN: Liu Yuning. I have high hopes for you. Jiayou. LYN: I saw a teacher comment on my performance, saying “You weren’t as natural as when acting in YNGS.” YNGS… (NYZ) was a different role entirely and the way I acted as him was different. The baggage they (Ning Yuanzhou vs Yan Zijing) each had to carry was different, so therefore their characters were different. Keep watching. One day, you’ll understand.

C: Who’s YZJ’s little sister? LYN: His sister? YZJ’s mom and dad had a little girl, and she is YZJ’s little sister. That’s how she came around. There’s nothing strange about it. His mom and dad had another kid, who is a girl and younger than him. So she is YZJ’s little sister. Yeah. C: Do you find her later? LYN: Didn’t you hear what ZJR said? “Sometimes you think the clue is lost, but the clue is right next to you.” When I was reading the script and saw this part I said, “Who’s YZJ’s little sister? Don’t tell me it’s Duanwu?!?” Because we’re seeing the same thing- I was reading the script and I saw that and was thinking “Is Duanwu his little sister?? How am I supposed to act from now on? Does this scriptwriter really want to play with this type of plotline? Is that okay?? Will it pass the censors?” XD - [t/n: Discussing the term used for when one sibling loves another, but idk what it is in English, let alone Chinese. There’s a nicer term than “incest”, I’m pretty sure.] LYN: In any case, I was thinking, “It can’t be HER, right?” - [t/n: honestly, I also had a split-second where I went there.] LYN: But you should keep watching… because it might really be her! I don’t know. Keep watching. You’ll get an answer to who YZJ’s little sister is.

LYN: Youku came to comment, “We must be generous to Mr. Yan. Come to ZLYM and watch Yan Zijing stir up the business world.” Our platform’s boss- I mean, leader- is here. I’m very thankful to Youku. Thank you, thank you. They left a message, did you see it? Why don’t you go start up a conversation with them? LYN: My fans are the best, in that they are thankful to whoever treats me well.

C: YZJ’s little sister isn’t ZJR is it?!? LYN: /GASP!/ D-did you buy a copy of our script? I heard that our script can be bought online for 5yuan each issue. You’re not the consumer, are you? I heard the electronic copy is being sold at 5yuan each issue, but it used to be 10. Maybe the market wasn’t good enough, so it dropped to 5. In that copy you saw that… my sister is ZJR?! What did my sister go through to in Linglong Cave to turn into a boy?!? XD LYN: Oh- maybe it’s because our family- I am 1.90m tall. TXT is taller than I am. That’s fitting for my little sister. Usually the second child in a family is taller than the first. It’s true, then. He’s my sister. LYN: The friend who commented this is actually very right. Because not once in the drama does ZJR deny the fact that he is my sister. He didn’t deny it, which means that it’s true. LYN: This theory is… quite wonderful. You can use it for anyone. For example, you can say, “Liu Yuning, you’re an alien. Why? Because not once in your life have you ever denied the fact that you are.” Isn’t it strange?! It sounds strange, but also reasonable.

C: Change the bgm. I want to listen to 惟愿 (Wish). LYN: Alright, as you wish.

C: So do you have a sister or not? LYN: I do. Yan (?) Ding said before he died, that my sister was still alive, right? So there must be a storyline in here in relation to that. I have lines referring to it as well. When the matters in Guangzhou are handled, I’ll be going to Shaozhou to find my sister. So, what’s next? Actually friends, Shijiu is my sister. I saw in the comments that someone had guessed so. I was watching the drama and reading the comments scroll by and someone commented, “Cui Shijiu isn’t his sister, is she?” Because the story that’s been revealed up to now is that the Cui family’s pearl farm used to be owned by the Yan family. They stole my family’s pearl farm, and took a child while they were at it. So Cui Ding must know who my sister is. It’s actually Cui Shijiu. It’s a possibility I also thought of when reading the script. The farm used to be the Yan family’s, and when the Cui family took it they also took the daughter. It’s reasonable. C: What “pig” farm? LYN: I can’t believe you wrote the “zhu” for “pig.” You OBVIOUSLY must not be watching the drama! We’ve been talking about it for a while now- ZLYM!! Friends- You know what, I am ashamed. Because- - /creates a banner that reads “Please watch ZLYM. Thank you~” and puts it up on screen/ LYN: - I should have put this up sooner. When the platform came by, I didn’t have this up. I should have had it there long ago. See? Friends- this space up here is advertising space, now. Today it’s been bought out by ZLYM. In the future, for my next stream, maybe ZLYM would have finished airing so our cooperation is over and this space will be free. Other drama crews could then purchase this ad space. 200 yuan/night. Unlimited scrolling. How about it? / But can the scrolling speed be a little faster?? Ok, I got it. I can just repeat the message a few times.

C: CSJ can’t be YZJ’s sister because her eyes are too big. LYN: !! Do you think you’re very funny? Do you think your comment is very amusing? She- can’t she take after our dad?!? It’s normal for the children of a family to look different, isn’t it? Especially with boys vs girls. For example, the boy looks like mother and the girl looks like father. Isn’t that normal? What’s the problem?? There is no problem. Why did you have to bring it up?! Why does it HAVE TO BE the eyes??? Don’t you know that my eyes are my bottom line and you’re not supposed to mention them???? You’re going to give me a breakdown. You think you’re so funny, huh? LYN: There are antis everywhere, and no matter what you do they’ll say, “Look, he cares so much.” Don’t even mention it! This is moral kidnapping. You stand on your high ground and kidnap others. For example, someone comes to curse at me, and I try to refute. They’ll say, “Aiyo~ You’re trying to explain? Look how much he cares about this. If he didn’t care, then he wouldn’t bother to correct people when they’re wrong.” >.< I hope you eventually meet a person like this in your work environment. LYN: No, no, don’t kill. No need for killing. Save me some face. C: I’ll go kill them. Leave it to me. LYN: It’s fine. It’s fine, really.

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2:24:54 -- break #2 LYN: Let me play a video for you, and I’ll come back later. I need to use the restroom- I drank too much water because I was toasting to you too much earlier. I'll come back and we can continue to chat for a bit. If you have any questions- if you’d like to interview me, for example they always gather questions from fans to ask me during interviews. You can just ask me directly. I’ll choose some questions and answer you directly, okay? We can interact. We’ll do an interview. If you have any questions, we can chat. You can also ask me questions about filming, and whatever else you’re curious about.

2:31:50 C: Lao-da, will you hold your concert in Singapore? LYN: Singapore… I won’t be going. It’s... overseas. I don’t have any plans for anything overseas at the moment. Because I’m not popular to that extent yet. I know I have an overseas fanbase; many of you told me about it last time. I have a lot of foreigner fans, for which I am happy for! But for now, I won’t be going overseas because I’m not that popular yet. I’m sure that if I did have a concert overseas people would come to watch. But it would also be a lot of you (in China) flying over to watch me (in another country). There’s no point in that. C: I was really happy to see you in Macau the other day. LYN: We’re friends, now. If we met once in Macau then we can be considered friends, right? If you met me once and we’re able to exchange words now, then we’re friends already. Please watch ZLYM, thank you.

2:33:45 C: Can you talk about NYZ? LYN: Of course I can. - C: The lyrics are gone. LYN: Ok. /brings them back/ - C: Does YNGS have a part 2? LYN: Yes, it does. It’s ghost story. If I’m in it, I’ll be acting as the ghost. A horror movie, a little thrilling. I have a lot of fans and friends who are girls- so maybe they would be less receptive to horror movies. Why would I say (that I’m a ghost)? Because at the end of YNGS, Ning Yuanzhou died… He was stabbed to death. So the next part would be a horror movie, set in the underworld. It’ll be set over by Fengdu County. (aka Fengdu Ghost City) It’ll be about people from Fengdu and the customs there. You can look out for it. It’ll be called “Er Nian Guan Shan.” C: I’ll watch an ad to revive him! LYN: /laughs/ Oh~ Right! That’s a good idea! If you want a second part to YNGS, you could do this- The start of the first episode of ENGS would be a viewer watching YNGS. Then, they’ll receive a pop-up that reads, “If you’d like to revive NYZ (and all the other heroes who have died), please pay 6yuan.” The viewer will pay and then ENGS will officially start. That’s a possibility. Watch an ad to revive the hero after 30 sec. It’ll give you double the gold coins too, right? Watch a 30-sec ad to revive NYZ, and right when that’s done another pop-up: watch 1-minute ad to double NYZ’s force value. C: I’ll pay 60yuan. LYN: Don’t do this.

C: I want to see the Six Paths Hall Prequel. - /misspelled a word to make it “Six Questions”, so LYN makes fun of them for a bit/ LYN: You must be preparing for the high school entrance exam, huh? Jiayou. Once you solve those “six questions”, you can revive NYZ.

C: What job did NYZ have when he was working in An County? LYN: Don’t ask! This is the only secret that he’s kept: what his job was when he was undercover in An County. You can think about it yourselves.

C: Does it take a long time to braid Yan Zijing’s hair? LYN: Not really. Actually YZJ’s hair/makeup was pretty quick. Because his braids- you girls must know of a thing called fake bangs, right? He has fake hair, like how you get extensions. He’ll braid the extensions and tie it to his real hair.

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2:38:30 C: Trending topics #7. LYN: Is it positive? It’s not a bad topic, is it? C: #2. LYN: You can’t look in “My Topics”! It’s because you follow me, so you see that I am at #1. If you want to look accurately, you should- C: #1. LYN: #1?? Huh? #2 in Entertainment, but #1 on the Main list?? Don’t lie to me. Especially now, when my drama is airing- my mood is very fragile. I can very easily be pushed towards a mental breakdown. I’m very sensitive right now. Because when YNGS was airing I has hurt too much. So- I don’t want to experience that type of pain again. Let me take a look. LYN: I saw it. The topic is just “LYN wants to repost ZLS’s weibo (post).” /sigh/ That counts as a positive thing, right? It’s drama promotion. LYN: I saw them- I have a team, and they send me screenshots, too.

C: Ning-ge, I started liking you because of YNGS. LYN: Thank you.

LYN: In in regard to the trending topic, I was not tricked. My fragile heart was saved. Thank you, to Weibo, for supporting me and my drama. Thank you to the team that works on the livestreams, as well. I had a small problem with my stream and they helped me to resolve it immediately. They taught me how to fix it, and I understood how. So “Thank you”, to them. Thanks for supporting us, and thank you for supporting me, Liu Yuning. Thank you.

2:43:00 C: Did Kang Ju teach YZJ all of his fight moves? LYN: The plot doesn’t give an explanation, but I don’t think he did. Because he grew up in a very- Since you’re on the seventh episode today, you know how YZJ fights. He grabs the arm and breaks it with a kick. Deadly and cruel. Including this- /gestures with an elbow/- almost like wrestling. So even though it doesn’t explicitly say how, from my understanding of YZJ- because his past hasn’t completely been revealed yet- but he grew up in an extremely harsh environment. He survived by crawling and fighting. All of his fighting skills are pretty much lethal. He’s not doing any of this for show; he fights to kill. Because in that kind of environment, any mistake can cost you your life. That’s my understanding. So as you can see from they way he fights in E7, he’s very cruel. He’s not the type who fights beautifully and looks like he’s flying. He’s going to immediately break something to make you quickly lose your fighting ability.

C: HE or BE? (happy ending or bad ending) LYN: Uhhh… /halfway towards Mongolian throat singing/ HE or BE? I can’t tell you. There’s no way I can spoil that for you. There’s the third possibility: it’s related to aliens. I’ve already told you- the ending is that he was taken away by aliens and went to another planet where there’s nothing but cockroaches. At the end it crosses over into a different, Three-Body (scifi) genre. C: Look up the ending to the original source and you’ll know. LYN: The original source of this original work has not been written to the end yet. This drama’s source material is only a preface, but not much story otherwise. This is an original script which borrows established backgrounds and characters, but the rest of it the scriptwriter wrote themselves. C: Aren’t you afraid I’d really believe it (about the aliens)? LYN: What do I have to be afraid of? The end is that he was taken away by aliens. That’s all there is to it.

- /promotes that ZYLM will air on three stations/platforms at once/ - /does the rounds thanking everyone for their support of his livestream and of the drama/

2:48:10 C: Will you work with Li Bofan again? LYN: He asked me the other day, “Ning-ge, what type of music do you like?” and I told him that as long as he wrote it and he thinks it’s good, I am okay with anything. I don’t have any fixed genre. I want him to write, and if there’s a song he likes that he think suits me, all he has to do is send it to me.

C: Ning-ge, are there any parts in this drama where you have to show some skin? LYN: /sigh/ Uh… more or less. Because in guzhuang dramas the more the ML appears all arrogant and domineering in the first half, the more he’ll suffer in the second half. If he doesn’t suffer and stays arrogant until the ending, that’s a villain. How does one define “suffer”? Either shot with an arrow, stabbed with a knife, axe, hammer, a drop of blood on the head*. Anything is possible, you just have to suffer some injury. I don’t think the blood drop is possible though, because in that case you’d be turned to ashes immediately.** In any case, you’ll have to suffer some injury. [*t/n: I think he’s referring to a game or something, here.] LYN: You’ll see that a lot of dramas all do this- and I’m not saying that we don’t- the ML gets injured and the FL takes care of him. Think back on the recent guzhuang dramas you’ve watched lately- didn’t every one of them have this situation? Either it’s tending to the injury, feeding them the medicine , or bandaging a wound- there’s always such a scene in these dramas. Think about it- isn’t that the truth? You can say, “But Ning-ge, this drama that I’ve watched didn’t have such a scene!” and that’s okay- I’m sure there are some that don’t. But most of them do. LYN: This drama does have a scene where I am injured and the FL… didn’t care. In the end, the one by my side was Kang Ju. /laughs/ I’m kidding! You can watch what happens when the time comes. There will be a bit of injury. But even if I show some skin, there’s nothing to look at because I don’t have any sort of figure. I’m not like others with their well developed muscles, pecs, abs, and biceps/triceps. I don’t have that, so we’re not trying to “sell” you anything with my showing of flesh. It’s just a requirement of the plot. I can’t “sell” you any meat, anyway. I’m not worthy of selling any. I don’t have any muscles.

C: If I spend money can I get a sneak peek? LYN: Peek at what, my showing of skin? What you mean is that if my gifting option were open, you would send a gift my way in expectation that I take my shirt off for you? You wish. That’s the first point. The second point is- you’d openly solicit a male actor?? If I were to report this to the police I could have you arrested. Your words were a bit too frivolous. You think you can buy me with money??

C: The 2ML showed his. LYN: What does what he does have to do with me?? If they want to show off, let them. Everyone has their own limits. Mine is to show as little skin as I can while shooting these dramas. Because it’s… embarrassing. I’m afraid to lose confidence because of it. My second limit is that if there are any scenes that require getting underwater, I’m not taking that drama, because I’m very afraid of water. LYN: When I first saw the ZLYM script, honestly I was a little afraid. Because the front part was all about pearl fishing. I was reading through the script and was dreading coming across “something happens to the FL while she’s in the water harvesting pearls and the ML has to jump in and save her” or “the ML falls into the water and bc the FL is a good swimmer, she goes to save him”. I was the most afraid of seeing such a scenario, because that would mean that I would be shooting a scene underwater. LYN: I’m afraid. Once I’m in the water, I can’t breathe. Or rather- the moment I’m in the water I WANT to take a breath. For example- if I’m on the shore and getting ready to go in. 3, 2, 1. /holds his breath, not going in the water/ I can hold my breathe above water for about a minute. But as soon as I’m in the water I can’t even hold it for ten seconds. I suspect that I was a fish in my past life. Once I’m in the water, I just want to breathe. I don’t know why. - /talks about how much he was practicing holding his breath for that one scene in Heroes, and he could hold it for a long time! But as soon as he was in the water he took a great big lungful of H2O./ LYN: I just starting breathing! Instinctively, I wanted to breathe (in the water)! Do you know how it feels to be underwater and breathe through your nose? It feels like you’re choking on it and the source of the water is through your nose (bc mouth is still closed). This is why Ning-ge has been a little slow these past two years. I used to have a quicker reaction time, but I’ve been slow because “my brain is filled with water.” [t/n: this is an insult people use when they want to ask why you’re an idiot.] It was filled with water. When I resurfaced it shot out my nose. After that scene, I don’t dare to take any more that involve water. I’m afraid of dying. Because I don’t know why it is, but as soon as I’m in the water, I want to take a breath.

C: Your brain was filled with water and it’s been a few years since then but it hasn’t dried? LYN: I don’t know if that’s how it works. You mean that it’s been three years since my brain was filled with water, so it should have dried up by now? It’s like this- I don’t know if you wear a watch? If you wear your watch in the shower, there’s going to be water vapor inside your watch. Water got inside it, and just letting it dry on its own is not going to fix it. The brain is the same- once water gets in, it won’t come out. Sometimes you think its dry but actually there’s still water in it. The brain is always going to be wet and damp. In Dandong, we have this saying to describe people who aren’t too bright- we say that their “heads (brains) are damp.” C: Use a hair dryer to blow dry your brain. // Take it out to sun-dry. LYN: You think I’m Sponge Bob? C: Throw your brain in a rice bucket. LYN: /laughs/ Oh yeah, they say if things get wet you can toss it into rice and it will absorb the water, right? That’s one way to do it. Tomorrow I’ll buy 400kg of rice, fill a tub with it, and sit inside. Other people take baths (in water) and I’ll take one in rice. That’ll do it.

2:58:55 C: People say that you have a specific horse that you use in Hengdian, is that true? LYN: No. I saw it- our platform went to Hengdian to conduct an interview and they went to the horse stables. They found the stable master and he said, “This horse, 123, is designated for use by LYN-laoshi.” That’s true. Whenever I’m in Hengdian I will always ride that horse. But there are a few horses to choose from, not only 123. 123 was used in several scenes, though. For the most recent SJYM, I think we used Lao Jia. Maybe it’s because the production always pairs me with a black horse, or a dark-colored one, so they’ll have me ride 123. At least with that horse… how should I put this? You can bribe it a little- bring it snacks everyday and at the very least it won’t kick you, right? LYN: At the very end of the interview- after hearing the last sentence my heart skipped a beat. The host had asked, “Among the actors you are familiar with, who do you think is better at controlling the horse?” The stable master said, “Oh, Liu Yuning has good control…” and I didn’t hear the rest. They mentioned me first. They said my equestrian skills are good. I was thinking, “You must be tricking me.” There’s that saying, isn’t there? “The stubborn of mouth will be beaten, a good swimmer can drown, and a horse-rider will fall to their death.” Of course, that’s not how the saying goes but the meaning still applies. LYN: Whenever I make it into a new crew, the director will usually ask, “Xiao Ning, can you ride a horse?” and I will reply, “I can’t. I KNOW HOW, but I’m not very good at it.” So I’m afraid that this interview will get out- I don’t dare to say that I know how to ride. The more confident you are- you know? (the more arrogant and prone to mistakes.) One must not be too confident. I keep telling myself that I have to treat horse-riding with the utmost of respect. I have to be respectful of the horse. Their height and weight are all greater than ours. In a natural environment your survival rate is not as high as that of a horse’s. So you have to be in awe of them, respect them, and treat them as a friend. C: You didn’t ride any less for having said you didn’t know how to ride, though? LYN: Well, if the production insists…

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3:01:55 -- Break #3 LYN: Watch a 30-sec commercial to revive me. C: You’ve made me cry miserably (by playing 别梦寒 for the break). LYN: You’re fine.

LYN: Anyway, please support ZLYM. It’s currently being broadcast on Youku, and when I woke up this morning I received the good news that it’s broken 10k views. That’s great and I’m really happy. I hope you all continue to watch and support the drama. I also saw- because I see very few comments on my stream- but apparently an actor from our crew, Zhu Rui, was here? I’m thankful for that, and she plays the role of Bai Niao, whom we will see later on. She’s another amazing actress, so you can check her out. I hear our drama is also Youku’s fastest to break 10k views, so I’d like to of course thank the viewers and our celebrity friends who ZLS lured in. Thank you for your support. I’d also like to thank the fans of these celebrity friends- Thank you very much. C: Reimburse the money used to pay for the membership. LYN: So you mean that if you’ve spent money to watch one of my dramas, I should reimburse you for that support? Should I also pay for the duck necks/tongues (snacks) that you’re eating while watching the drama, too? Should I prepare drinks (starts naming them), too? Would you like me to pay for those?? C: I want to drink Chunzhen. LYN: Oh, well that’s ok. Chunzhen works- you can support it more, if you’d like. When you’re watching the drama you can partake in some Chunzhen drinks and snacks. And if you’re up late watching dramas and your skin condition is not too great because of it, you can use our L’Oreal products- face masks, hydrating serums, and etc. Replenish and moisturize to make your skin look more beautiful and youthful.

LYN: Today’s update has been up to- /counting/ episode 8, right? If I’m remembering correctly it should have aired up until the Treasure Hunt. It’s my first fight scene in the drama. C: Your brother is here. LYN: Oh? Kang Ju is here? Welcome! I also said this earlier, but the actor’s name is Yu Yonghai. He’s a very splendid actor who is very serious on set and works very hard during filming. It’s actually a lot harder on them (supporting actors) than most of the leads. LYN: Yes, he’s given me beads before, for my birthday.

3:11:30 C: Wow, you’re streaming. LYN: Yes, I have been for about three hours now… You’ve only just come now? What took you so long? LYN: If I don’t have anything big going on, and especially as my drama is airing, I’ll come to stream. While you’re watching the drama and you think something looks fun or if something comes to mind like “how was this part shot?” or “what were you thinking when you did this scene?”, you can come to my stream to share it with me and I’ll chat with you. Ning-ge will take you and reveal the secrets behind the whole film and television industry. No- that doesn’t seem like a good thing. (the way he said it) It sounds like I’m going to say something bad. /rephrases/ Ning-ge will take you and reveal the mysterious story behind the drama.

3:12:35 C: I want to ask LYN, what part of the drama left you with the deepest impression? LYN: Your question is a lot like ones I get asked in interviews. “I think the scene that left me with the deepest impression was… There are quite a few. Because, how should I put this? There are several scenes to highlight that reflect the conflict and drama of the story. So for me, I… I’ve forgotten everything. Oh, of course, I can’t respond that way. I don’t remember.” C: !! LYN: No, don’t interrupt me!! What do you mean I can’t remember??? One of you hit the nail on the head, actually. “The scene that left the deepest impression on me was the very last scene, where YZJ boards the UFO. Every step he took was like a step on his own heart. Each step was heavy. When I stepped foot on that UFO- when that escalator descended- only an actor can understand that feeling. I don’t believe the audience would be able to understand was he was feeling in that moment. I hope that my expression can help everyone feel YZJ’s happiness, sorrow, and fear of the unknown.” You can check it out when the time comes. C: You saw the aliens? LYN: That’s right. With heavy steps I set foot on the spacecraft, and the alien who came to greet me cried. It was also deeply moved by my performance. I stepped with heavy feet and the actor who played as the alien cried with every step I took. Although they were wearing a little green alien costume, I could still feel their sadness. The tears flowed out from their feet. The alien cried.

C: How was the fire on the pearl farm shot? LYN: Do you mean the arrow shot from afar, or the fire on the inside? The indoor fire is just shot as it normally would be. The arrow was green screen. When I shot the arrow, it was at a green screen. The scene was created with special effects in post. That’s normal. You can’t REALLY build a building and burn it down in a fire. I gazed upon that green screen and felt a trace of hatred in my heart. C: Spoiler! LYN: What’s there to spoil?? Do you not normally watch xianxia? And even if you don’t, have you ever watched a spy movie or the like and there’s a gunfight? You don’t think they’d give real guns to these actors, do you? That’s all special effects; they have to be. Look at all those xianxia with immortals flying everywhere. Aren’t those all accomplished with large fans and wires? Do you think a push of the hand would create such a strong lift-off? That’s straight up a fan- /whoosh/. There are many scenes atop a mountain where a slight breeze gently makes the female actress’s hair float and look beautiful. The truth is that below the camera-line there’s a group of people each with a small 25yuan electric fan. You can buy them on Taobao. The rechargeable kind. Did you think they were really standing on the top of a mountain? What they’re actually standing on is what the professionals call a one-meter stand. It’s a stage that’s one-meter tall and the camera shoots upwards from below- because we can’t aim it at the ground, so we aim it at the sky. It only gets the actor’s face and chin, clothes and hair; and there are two small fans below, making the “wind”.

C: Did you laugh at all while “playing” the erhu? LYN: No, no bloopers because I am a professional. :) In the beginning though, I did. When I was first learning/playing- I laughed. Because I don’t know how to play, so the sound- /imitates the sound while maintaining a serene expression/. Even if /I/ were to be able to hold back my laughter, I don’t think anyone else on set could. There was another scene where I had to play the erhu while everyone else danced!

C: Ning-ge, should I watch ZLYM or your stream? LYN: You can do whatever you want to do. ZLYM had already updated, so you can watch wherever you want- it will still be there. As for my stream, there’s the playback. So you can come back whenever you want to watch it. Do you have difficulty making decisions? I do as well. So, you can play rock-paper-scissors with your left and right hands. /plays a match/ Ok- right hand won. I will watch LYN’s stream first.

C: How are scenes in the sea shot? LYN: You mean in the beginning, when they’re on the sea floor? They build a water shed. Our crew spent a lot of money to build a water shed, and we shot in there. It was… quite expensive. Did you think we were really throwing people into the sea?? Why don’t you ask if the shark was real or not? This friend is very innocent. C: Did they really go into the water? LYN: Yes. You can tell when things are shot really in the water vs. when they’re not. - LYN: Actually, I’m grateful that friend didn’t ask if the shark was real. “If the shark was real, how was it trained to listen?” C: Is the shark real or fake. LYN: The shark was definitely real. We borrowed one from an aquarium. I told you earlier, didn’t I? Actors are disposable, just like the chopsticks you get with your takeout. When you buy takeout, don’t they ask if you want to pay 50cents for utensils? We actors are the same- 50cents and disposable. If the shark bites us to death you can just throw us away. - C: Was the ship real? LYN: The ship was real, but we were shooting on land. All of the water was put in with green screen. There’s no way… no way they’ll drag us out to sea. Also, I don’t think the quality of this ship was suited to being on the water for very long, so it’d be dangerous. - C: Ning-ge, the shark was real? But I thought it looked so fake. LYN: /laughs/ No making fun of our special effects! What do you mean?? We were just talking about whether the shark was real or fake, and I told you it was real, so you’re going to ask me why it looks so fake??? For this things in the drama, you’re supposed to watch just to get the meaning. If you understand that the FL is in danger, then it’s done its job. When the shark appears, what is it to you whether it’s real or fake? The shark wasn’t there to let you see how exquisite our special effects are. We’re not filming Jurassic Park, here! This isn’t Jurassic World. Seeing the shark is to let you know that there’s a hidden danger. Is it really necessary to discuss whether the effects were good or not?? There’s no need, really. This isn’t a xianxia drama, where the special effects are to look cool or bring authenticity to the world. Nor is it a monster film. It’s just there to let you know that there are sharks in the water. Why are we taking this so seriously? There’s really no need.

C: Are the pearls real? LYN: The pearls were all real. They’re from those oyster/clam opening videos you see online. A few of us actors stayed up one night to stream an oyster-opening video. After we opened all those shell we took the pearls from them to use as props. That’s what we did. The pearls were all real.

C: Is the hair real? LYN: The hair…? Are you talking about my hair- YZJ’s? It depends on what angle you’re looking at it. From the crew’s perspective, it’s a wig and not my own hair. But from the wig’s perspective, it’s all real hair. You haven’t heard those vendors on the street when they pass by your house calling, “We accept hair! Accepting long hair!” You haven’t heard of that before? They go out to collect real human hair in order to make wigs. “We accept hair! Accepting long hair!” XD C: I haven’t heard of it. LYN: You must live in the city. Over in my hometown you hear it all the time.

C: Liu Yuning, are you a real person? LYN: I already told you that I didn’t act in this drama at all. They just used AI to switch in my face later.

C: Is the ending sweet? LYN: So sweet it’ll choke you. After you watch the ending you’ll gain 2lb. It’s that sweet. Even if you don’t eat anything- just by watching the ending alone- you’ll gain 2lb. The sugar intake will be too high. Be careful. I promise you it’ll be sweet. If it’s not sweet, I’ll give it to you for free. This melon is guaranteed to be sweet. If it’s not, I won’t take your money for it. C: I don’t like to eat sweet things. LYN: No way? I promise you it’s going to be sweet, but you don’t like sweet? C: If it’s not sweet, will you reimburse for my platform membership? LYN: I won’t be, no. LYN: You don’t like sweet? In that case, let me tell you- the ending is sour like an unripe pear. There’s all sorts of heartbreak and suffering. The ending will torment you to death. Really. Just wait for it. After you watch the ending, you’ll lost 2lb. Why? Because it’s so sad that you’ll keep crying, so much so that you’ll tremble and sweat. When all the water weight has left your body and you stand on the scale, you’d have lost 2lb. This is a weight-loss drama. You can weigh yourself before you watch the finale, then weight yourself after you’ve watched it. You will definitely lose 2lb. C: If I watch it twice, then will I lose 4lb? LYN: /laughs/ ?! Hey- that’s… you’re very smart. You say, “Lao-da, I want to lose weight.” I tell you, “Watch the drama, and you’ll lose weight.” Then you reply, “If I watch it ten times, will I lose 20lbs?” I don’t know if that’s possible, but you can try it. Watch it 60 times and lose 120lbs.

C: Were the scenes on the ship shot on a real ship? LYN: It was filmed on a real ship but it wasn’t in the water, but on land. Some of the cabins weren't on the ship- rather they were sheds build on land. It’s convenient to shoot things on a ship.

C: Ning-ge, what meaning does the blood pearl have to you? LYN: The blood pearl, of course, is a very important thing. I can’t tell you, but later you can post on weibo: “Has anyone bought the script and can tell me? What does the blood pearl mean?”

C: Have you ever hit your head while filming? LYN: I often hit my head. That gave me the most headache. There were a couple times I hit my head pretty hard. There were additional three-four times I didn’t hit it that hard. The cabin was too low. I kept forgetting, so I would walk around and hit my head on the door frame all the time! After shooting a day in there my neck hurt SO MUCH. Because I didn’t dare to lift my head, I went around like this (neck extended low). Oh my goodness. I was hitting my head so much. Sometimes you just forget, turn your head, and bump into it. C: Why didn’t they make it higher? LYN: … “Why didn’t they build it higher”?? Go ask the director, why ask me??? I’m not the builder or artist, so I’m not there to build up the sets. Go ask them, how should I know?? I don’t know either. Why didn’t they make it higher? I also wonder. D: LYN: It’s not because we didn’t have enough money. Making it higher would only take a few extra pieces of wood. This height must have been specifically designed. It was the perfect height for me to stand up straight- with the exception of the door frames, which should be expected to be lower. So apart from the doors frames, you’ll notice that the roof is my exact height when standing up straight, save a couple inches. If I were to speculate on the director’s intention, he probably wanted to convey that: “YZJ is only an upright man when on his ship. But when he’s off the ship, he’s nothing.” LYN: The early episodes are all mostly on the ship, because I don’t leave it much. I left it in the latest episodes to attend the Treasure Hunt. C: Did Zhang-langjun also hit his head? LYN: He definitely must have! I don’t know, though.

C: How can I get into YZJ’s company? LYN: We were thinking about this while filming- how should we be pronouncing “Yan Zijing”? Because at first we knew that the character for “yan” (4th) in surnames is pronounced with the 1st tone. Just like the “ning” in Liu Yuning changes tone when used as the surname “Ning”, as in Ning Yuanzhou. We were thinking about what to call this character, and I tried it both ways. Yan Zijing (4th tone) was smooth. But Yan Zijing (1st tone) didn’t seem as smooth. I don’t know if actually both work? But if using the surname, it should be 1st. // Using the first tone makes it sound like this kid’s been drowned. That’s what we were thinking while filming. Yan (1st tone) Zijing. :|? Doesn’t sound very manly. So when I was acting, I basically used the 4th tone. It sounded more impressive. But the problem is that later when I went to dub my parts the laoshi said I should change it back to the original tone. It just… doesn’t sound very impressive.

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #5. LYN: Thank you, everyone. Thank you, weibo. - /promotes ZLYM again/

C: Ning-ge, in E8, what are YZJ’s feelings towards DW? LYN: Now you’ve come to ask about how my understanding of the character? I have to answer these types of questions carefully. As an actor, you have to answer these questions carefully, because people with find a problem with whatever you say. I already saw someone a couple days ago trying to make people play to their tune. What did they say, “This ML is really dislikable. The first thing he does mistreat the FL. He doesn’t respect women.” Tsk. They’re clearly trying to stir things up. It’s BECAUSE I respect her, that I don’t treat her as a woman. Everyone on my boat is equal and punishment and reward is given fairly. If you do something wrong, you’ll be punished. But likewise if you do something right, I will definitely reward you. This is the company’s system. These are the rues of this world. You know?? LYN: Also, in the beginning I didn’t know the FL and I wasn’t close to her. YZJ’s personality was clear from the beginning. Zhang-langjun and I went to the pearl auction and I told him then, “You’re such a good person. You can meet anyone and want to help them.” Later there’s a scene of us playing chess and there was a critical line there, too. I said, “There are so many pitiable people in the word, but can you help them all?” These actually are proof of YZJ’s morals. He CAN be kind, but… has a very formal standard for evaluation. He’s not someone who would save or pity anyone. He’s not this type of character, but if you like this type then Zhang Jinran is your man. C: Kill them all. LYN: YZJ is a very sensible and clear-headed person.

3:37:40 LYN: Also, before the drama had even aired people were saying that in order to get revenge, YZJ shot DW through with an arrow and that his character was the worst, etc. That’s complete nonsense and the plot wasn’t even like that at all. But people will use these out-of-context in order to comment on my character, which I think is really unnecessary. So, friends, please don’t be led on by these kinds of things. LYN: No need to kill anyone over this. Spare their lives. No one has it easy.

C: Is the hairpin a token of love? LYN: I can tell you that it’s not.

C: Ning-ge, can you talk about the roles you’ve played in the past? LYN: I can, but I wouldn’t know what to say about them. // Or ZLYM? I can talk about them all. - C: Bai Choufei. LYN: Ok. BCF’s is a role I liked very much; he’s unrivaled. For that time. Every character will leave you with regrets, right? My regrets for him- honestly speaking, these are words from my heart- was that my own proficiency in acting wasn’t very high at that point in time. If we were to liken it to a skill chart, my strength was there but my performance was not. Acting requires the use of certain skills, and at that time I didn’t have those skills yet. I had used my intuition/real feelings in order to act as BCF. So when I was shooting for the drama I was often quite weary because I was too invested in the character. I used my heart to express the acting, but it’s an exhausting way of performing. Normally, one would be able to use skills to accomplish the same effect. That’s were my regret lies, with this character. If only my skills had been better- not saying that I am very highly skilled right now- just saying that if they had been better, the character would have been more richly interpreted. But I’m already very satisfied with it, because when I look back on past roles there are some things that I may not be able to ever reproduce. I was just too invested. - C: Hei Xiazi. LYN: Hei Xiazi… I really liked the character, and thought he was similar to me. He’s a little like how I am when I’m streaming. There’s a saying in this industry, “Acting well is not as good as looking alike.” I offered up a different topic, but this is what we say, on the inside. In a normal casting, acting well is not as good as fitting the look of the character. I may not be like Hei Xiazi, but there’s some part of my personality that matches and fits the character more. There’s a joking/teasing side, but when he needs to be serious he’s reliable. I was happy to have played him. LYN: Sometimes if you tell me that an actor played a role with a high-status, I don’t even believe it when I see it. With this type of person, it means that he doesn’t look the part- not to comment objectively on his acting or whether be is good-looking or not. That’s secondary. The thing is that when he’s standing there, he doesn’t LOOK like someone who would have a high status or be in a position of power. That’s really unbearable. It just… doesn’t fit. Other people can just stand there and already fit the look. You don’t have to act, because you ARE him. These types of people are more suited to the role.

LYN: Sometimes if a character is similar to me in some aspect- personality or state of mind- I’ll try to express that similarity more clearly. This helps to make the character feel more alive. LYN: I don’t really want to talk to you about acting, because I’m not really worthy of doing so. I’m just a singer. If i say too much about it, people are going to think I’m putting on airs and “teaching” you about acting. I’m not. I’m just sharing how I approach and get into my roles. I won’t talk about it anymore, because it’ll look bad if I say too much. Because I… don’t understand it (wasn’t professionally taught). No more of this topic.

LYN: When actors are shooting, there are certain scenarios that are quite fun. There were a few dramas of mine where the actors were all very good, when we’re together. For example, in this scene there are 4-5 people. Normally when we get on set the director will tell us to do a run-through. We know what the scene is about, so we’ll start running it through. We start going through our lines, and at some point there’s space enough to make a change. But with one change something else has to change to accommodate. We’ll play off of each other so that the scene can play out with more life, to make the drama richer, more fun and more reasonable. Some dramas may only have two pages worth in writing, but if we think there’s something that’s excessive- once we are familiar with each other, there’s no need to say much- there’s no need for too much explanation, so we’ll decide to cut that part in the script out. Some dramas may only have a third of a page in writing, but we can turn it into ten minutes’ worth of time. It’s entertaining and emotional. When you meet such actors, shooting with them is an enjoyable experience. You’ll feel the creativity flowing in the environment. You’ll believe that you ARE your character, and the people around you are your friends and relatives. This is why I think acting is interesting- because I enjoy this process; I enjoy creating with everyone. Sometimes when we’re shooting with a partner, especially for one-to-one, with you sitting across from me and we’re having a conversation. You one line, then me one line. I especially like filming scenes like this. Because sitting across from the other actor lets me observe them and change my own rhythm of speech, performance method, and inner state to react in the best way. I feel it’s almost like an interview, like a conversation. I think it’s really interesting. As if I’m watching to see what move they’ll make so I make my move in turn. After I’ve made my move and they were able to counteract, I’ll need to think of my next play. It’s fun. I enjoy the process and it’s really satisfying.

LYN: Sometimes I’ll watch the dramas of other actors in my drama ad see how they act. If there’s good things to learn, I want to learn from them. If there are bad things or things that were different from how I was imagining, I will avoid and try to mask those shortcomings. That’s how I am- I’ll look at other people’s work, and that way I can learn from them. C: Ning-ge, you keep working with veteran actors. LYN: Of course, working with mature actors means that there is definitely something for me to learn.

LYN: Okay. That’s about time, everyone. Thank you all for your support and companionship. Many of you probably started watching from the start and haven’t left, so thank you for your company and support. I hope you all can continue to support ZLYM. If I have time coming up I’ll come to chat with you. It makes me happy that we get to chat like this. Thanks for your support and company. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in my next stream. Goodnight everyone!

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(3:50:22)#if anyone is still interested in this lol #this took so long i alr forgot what happened in it #now i am three streams behind :')#i can prob play catch up during holiday break (no promises)

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kqzlqls · 4 months ago

Text

F1 AU — 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤.

THE BEGINNING — CHAPTER 1

You’re attending your family’s fiesta when the strong wind surges through. It feels calming—when a familiar ringtone sounds from none other than your bag.

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

1 - Deadpanned, you reluctantly and moodily pick the phone up.

2 - Ecstatic, you eagerly rush in your bag and pick the phone up.

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

Lo and behold, it’s your boss. The mysterious individual that hired you in said successful organization, at the least. The latter was still suspicious, yet you can’t complain—you had a position and a good one at that. Back to the present, the voice says;

“I have tasked you to investigate,”

“Haven’t I?”

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

1 - “Yes, yes, I know. I’m on and in it.. ugh..”

2 - “Yes, cap! Wait.. which one?”

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

The First Option: “That was a test. You’re lacking again. I haven’t tasked you YET.”

The Second Option: “Ever enthusiastic. However, I haven’t tasked you yet.”

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

1 - You roll your eyes. Of course your boss would say that. Everything was a darn test!

2 - You chuckle sheepishly and/or nervously, awaiting your boss’ next words.

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

“Back to the matter at hand. I will task you to investigate an organization—which holds the hearts of many, and is of the major influence of today’s society.”

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

1 - Although reluctant to work yet again, you have no choice—as this is your source of income. The description piques your interest.

2 - You instantly become excited—the description piqued your curiosity.

—————————— ˎˊ. ——————————

“Formula 1.” Your boss says over the phone. You are dumbfounded. Formula One?!

The realization dawns on yo—“FORMULA ONE?!” You practically screamed, people looking at you. You clear your throat.

Your boss replies. “Indeed. I need you to uncover their secrets.” Your eyes widen. “For what reason? They seem good enough.”

“Seem. Not IS.” Your boss replies. You’re a bit perplexed by said revelation, but you listen anyway. But as you become even more interested—your boss hangs up.

“Always like this..” you sigh out. Placing your phone in your pocket, you rush out of the province.

The ride back home was surely an exciting one—but dreadful for the season about to begin.

You look back at your late screensaver of your car’s autoplay, 7:44 PM. Soon, you’d be out of the country to start yet another investigation.

Timeskip in the process. You got home, and you’re packing your bags as I narrate. You pack your clothes, necessities, and the like.

9PM, you booked a ticket to F1’s next race.

Everything seemed boring so far. That is, until when you were on the plane. Before you flew, your boss called you.

“I wish you luck. You need it.” Was all your boss said. Before you could react or respond—your boss hung up.

“Good luck? For what reason..?” You ponder for a moment. You think: “Maybe it’s because it’s a high-pressure job—even for me. I mean—it’s FORMULA FREAKIN’ ONE.” You eventually brush it off.

The plane ride coming to Australia was… BORING. Absolutely. Boring. You hope that once you start working this operation—you’ll get something.. exciting.

On the way to entrance security—you see a familiar face!

#f1 #formula one #formula 1 #f1 2024 #au #formula one au #lance stroll #fernando alonso #aston martin f1 #isack hadjar #y/n #fanfic #ao3 #ao3fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 x you

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crazycurly-77 · 7 months ago

Text

A beautiful day - pt. 2

"...maybe I can be your family...if you want?"

These were his words. You stood there and just looked at him. That couldn't be, you had to be dead or laying in bed dreaming. Or your mind and ears were just playing tricks on you.

Then suddenly everything around you went black and you fainted. Gibbs was just able to catch you as you collapsed. He picked you up and carried you quickly to the ambulance.

"Paramedics! Quick! She just collapsed and is unconscious!" Gibbs called to them and laid you on the stretcher outside of the ambulance.

They examined you as best they could and then told the worriedly waiting team Gibbs that everything was okay. It seemed to be just a reaction to the pressure wave. Nevertheless, they took you to the Bethesda Hospital for further examinations and observation.

When you arrived at the hospital, you were immediately taken to the examination room and doctors rushed over, but after a short time the head doctor came to your colleagues who were waiting in the corridor and told them that everything was okay.

“We have treated her wounds, which are fortunately only superficial. The pressure wave must have hit her hard, which is why she became unconscious, but she will probably come to soon.”

The doctor put his hand on Tony's shoulder, who was standing next to him, and smiled “don't worry, everything's fine.”

That was good to hear, but there was someone who needed the comfort more than Tony. This someone was none other than Gibbs, who nearly stood beside himself, because of worry for you. So the team leader asked “Can we go to her?”

“Yes, of course. Down the corridor on the left, last room.”

While the doctor was answering Gibbs' question, your boss was already running towards your room. He absolutely had to see for himself that you were really okay.

The team shared his wish and ran after him.

You were pale and partially bandaged, but otherwise you seemed fine. There were no monitors or tubes connected to you. That was a good sign and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Now that they were all convinced that you were fine, everyone headed home until only Ducky and Gibbs were left.

“Don't you want to go home, too? She's in the best hands,” Ducky asked his old friend and gently placed his hand on his shoulder.

Gibbs just shook his head “I can't, Duck. I have to stay with her.”

Doctor Mallard nodded understandingly and also went home.

Now you two were alone in your room. Gibbs pulled up a chair next to your bed, sat down on it with a deep sigh, took your hand in his and began keeping watch at your side.

He would have sat next to you as long as necessary, but luckily you woke up again after 3 hours.

You looked around and realized that you were in the hospital and Gibbs was sitting next to your bed, holding your hand and sleeping.

You had never seen him so relaxed. Sleeping, he seemed somehow sweet and peaceful. At this thought, you couldn't help but laugh quietly.

If he knew that you had just called him sweet in your thoughts...

... he would be very happy about it, but you didn't know that. At least not yet.

You gently squeezed his hand to wake him up - and it worked.

He was awake immediately and your eyes met.

"I didn't want to shock you so much that you fainted," he explained immediately with a good-natured wink.

To which you replied with a broad grin and a "You're simply stunning," always holding his gaze.

That was your thing, your dynamic. Stick together and tease each other like two good old friends who have been through a lot together.

The two of you burst into loud laughter at your joke, which the doctor in the hallway heard. He came in, asked how you were and told you that you could go home the next day.

That was very good news. You were allowed to work too, but only at your desk. And there was no other option, because as soon as you entered the bullpen the next day, Gibbs held your transfer papers under your nose and said with satisfaction, "You're now working for me as an explosives expert. Advisory work, no more defusing."

You could only stare at him, because you hadn't expected that a transfer would be possible so quickly. But hey, he was Jethro Gibbs after all, he could make a lot of things possible.

But as you were about to go to the only empty desk in the room with the papers in your hand, Abby came running and called excitedly: “Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! I found something very interesting!”

He turned to her and asked: “What, Abs?”

“There was baking powder on the bomb!”

Surprised, you went to her “Baking powder? Are you sure?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

Concerned, you turned to the boss: “I think I know the builder of the bomb.”

Immediately his analyzing blue eyes turned to you with the silent request to continue.

“During my training there was a student who always used baking powder. He had a thing for the TV series MacGyver from the 80s.”

“So what?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“He went crazy during his training and preferred to build bombs rather than defuse them, which is why he was sent to a psychiatric hospital. But by the looks of things he is probably free again,” you informed him worriedly.

That was apparently the last clue Gibbs needed: “His name?” he asked immediately.

“Adrian Turner”

“McGee, address!” he asked him immediately to research it.

Tim did a quick search on the computer, found the suspect, and Gibbs and Tony were on their way to arrest him, while you stayed in the office and Tim had to look after you.

(To be continued...in the last chapter 3)

--------------------------------------------

Here you will find the other chapters of this story.

Masterlist stories - Part 1

Masterlist stories - Part 2

--------------------------------------------

Tags: @ilovemark1951, @hobby27

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#ncis #jethro gibbs x reader #gibbs #leroy jethro gibbs #gibbs x reader #leroy jethro gibbs x reader #ncis fanfiction #ncis x reader #ncis reader insert #leroy jethro gibbs fanfiction #jethro gibbs fanfiction #gibbs fanfiction #jethro gibbs #mark harmon

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katsukikitten · 1 year ago

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Imagine being a healer-giver and Enjin always goes to you whenever he gets hurt because he trusts you more than anyone.

And he's too fucking stubborn for his own good.

He's bleeding out Jo but insists he'll be able to make it, conscious or not, to the further city that has a healer, which of course was you.

Enjin brought everyone to you for their routine checkups or if they had a none dire ailment to your next city over from his but when it came to himself he refuses to let another healer touch him!

It's a normal day for you, maybe even a little slower than normal as you finish placing the fresh sheets and linens on one of the beds in the infirmary. Smoothing out the soft comforter when your assistant calls your name frantically to the examination room.

And there you find the blonde with his moon eyes half lidded in a haze as he waves tattooed fingers in your direction.

"Enjin!" Rushing to him, digging in your apron for your jinki. A small scalpel that could turn into any tool you needed. Today it turns into stitches, flashing red and each flash tells you how many cups of blood he's lost. A solid three red flashes has you in hyper drive. Shoving everyone else out of the room as Enjin finally passes you.

Working as if you had multiple hands as you place a tourniquet just above his nearly fatal wound. A wound becoming fatal from his own stubbornness but you won't find that out until Boss Korvus carries him into the long term stay bed for you later.

For now you do everything in your power to stop the bleeding, patch him up and give him a blood transfusion as you wait on baited breath for his usual sunkissed complex to return instead on this sheet white that clings to his cheeks and the tips of his fingers.

It's hours later, you still in your cute nurse uniform, a black dress with a wide skirt, white apron stained with his blood, when he finally comes to. He watches you check over the fresh blood bag with sharp eyes.

"M starting to feel better." He half croaks fingers flipping up your skirt to see your lacy underwear earning a heavy handed swat to his inky wrist, "Much better."

"Not only are you a perverted pig I've come to find out you're a dumb ass too!" Anger first always anger, Enjin was used to your lectures and belittling because he always chooses to see you even if you're the furthest option. He rolls his eyes as he waits for the berating to start but it doesn't come.

Eyes flicking up to yours and when he sees you covering your face and hears you sob his weak heart becomes weaker.

"Hey." He tries to clear his voice, leaning up with a grunt to grab you and attempt to pull you into the bed, "Hey, hey. What's wrong?"

"You could have died Enjin. You were dying on my table. I almost couldn't save you and you waited!!! Korvus told me you refused medical help closer to you, that you made them bypass aid so you could see me. You could have seen me after they fixed you up." You weakly push away from him but he pulls you closer, smoothes his palm over the curve of your skull, "Enjin I can't-"

It's stupid, so stupid to be in love with a man who you see a handful of days out of the month and probably unethical too considering he was your patient. Still you look up into his golden yellow eyes and sigh, you can't hold it in anymore.

"Enjin. I can't lose you."

#sorry jo that's all i got 😂#enjin fluff #gachiakuta enjin

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whiteraven87 · 1 month ago

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Driven by Speed: A diamond among stones - 2. F1 Start

DRIVEN BY SPEED: A diamond among stones (Unstoppable Series)

Prologue

F1 start

Loss and Pain

Calm after the storm

First victory

Unbreakable

Unexpected blow

The Secret

Beginning of New Era

The Burden of a Leader

Sad Anniversary

Unexpected feelings

Hungry Eyes

The Infernal Race

Kiss from A Rose

I shouldn't

Wicked Game

They would be Proud of You

Unstoppable

This is the Beginning

Epilogue

-----------------------------------------------

Warnings: long (very long) slow burn, age gap (23 years), woman racing in F1, boss/driver relationship, difficult and painful past, death, anxiety,

Hot scenes will be in next parts of Unstoppable series. This part is focused on their feelings and emotions.

----------------------------------------

2. F1 Start

First F1 Race

POV Miriell

At that time, I felt like I finally had something I had been missing for years after my grandfather’s death. I had people for whom I mattered.

Jack Wolff, Susie and Toto’s son, was born on a June morning, and when Susie looked at me, I felt my breath catch.

"I want you to be his godmother."

I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I wasn’t the kind of person people chose for things like this. I wasn’t someone who fit into the idea of family.

And yet… in her eyes, I saw certainty.

Susie… She saw me. Not as a driver, not as a project to be improved, not as someone who had to prove something. She saw me as a person. A girl who had spent years learning not to need anyone—yet suddenly, someone wanted to need her.

"Yes," I whispered, feeling something inside me break apart and rearrange itself. "Of course."

Jack grew, and I spent more and more time at the Wolff's house. The little boy adored me, laughed when I picked him up, reached out for me whenever he saw me. He loved it when I tossed him into the air and played with him on the floor while Susie made tea and Toto read the news, stealing glances at us.

It was a glimpse of something I had never had before—a family.

I didn’t know yet that these were the last months of my old life.

***

A few weeks later, I stood outside an exam room in Stuttgart, ready for my final test before graduation. My hands were cold. I was focused, prepared, holding my notes when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was Susie.

I answered.

"Drop everything and go to the airport. A private jet is waiting for you."

I frowned. "What?"

"You have a chance to race in Formula 1. Williams needs a driver. Now."

I froze, my thoughts momentarily stopping.

"Susie…"

"Don’t ask. Go."

The exam could wait. I turned on my heel and headed for the exit, ignoring the surprised looks from professors and students. This was my one shot.

My hands were shaking as I ran onto the plane. I sat there, alone, staring out the window at a world that was literally blurring past. It was happening. Williams needed a driver. And I was their only option. Susie and Toto had made sure this opportunity was mine.

But if I wasted it…? I clenched my eyes shut. I couldn’t.

***

There was no time to get familiar with the car, analyze data, or test setups. They just threw me into the cockpit and told me to drive in qualifying.

I rushed into the garage, barely had time to put on my race suit, and the mechanics were already talking to me, showing me how the clutch worked, how to operate the engine mappings—and then they sent me straight onto the track. I only heard Susie shouting, "You can do it! We believe in you!"

A mechanic strapped me in, and I felt the cold carbon fiber under my fingers. "It’s just a car," I told myself. "And I know how to drive a car."

The engine roared.

The Williams was tough to handle—unpredictable and demanding—but I knew this feeling. I had lived in it my whole life.

I wrestled that machine into seventh place on the grid.

The paddock went insane. When I saw my name on the screen in seventh place, for a moment, I thought it was a mistake. No one could believe it. Williams had no right to be that high.

But I was there.

***

The next day, during the race, it rained. Not just any rain, but the kind that turned the asphalt into a black sheet of ice. And I knew this was my chance—because in the rain, the car didn’t matter. Skill did.

I launched off the line. The engine roared, and almost immediately, I began overtaking. One, two, three… I felt it. I felt the track, the car, and myself becoming one. Every drop of rain slid down my visor as I cut through it like a knife.

I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t feeling anything except that I belonged here.

And then… the finish line.

And on the screen, my name—third place. Then, excited shouts over the radio.

"Miriell, you’re on the podium!"

I jumped out of the car, and almost immediately, Susie’s arms wrapped around me.

"You did it!" she shouted, her voice trembling with emotion.

I couldn’t say a word. I looked up at the podium. At the trophy. At the thousands of people staring at me—a woman who had just done something no one expected.

The points I had earned lifted Williams from last place to eighth in the Constructors' Championship.

And I… I knew nothing would ever be the same again.

Later, as I walked back to the garage, I met Toto’s gaze. He stood there—tall, hands in his pockets, with that piercing brown-eyed stare that analyzed the whole world. But this time, he was analyzing me.

After a moment, he smiled.

"Good job, Miriell," he said in Polish, his heavy accent unmistakable, placing a hand on my shoulder.

And that’s when I understood.

He already knew he was looking at the future of his team.

A Home Among the Stars

POV Miriell

Everything happened too fast. One day, I was a girl skipping an exam to get into a Formula 1 car, and the next day, I was a Williams driver—the first woman in history to reach the podium in a debut race.

The phone kept ringing. Teams were suddenly interested—Red Bull, McLaren, even Ferrari. But I had already made my decision. As a Mercedes junior, I had a contract with them, and I couldn’t imagine betraying the people who had given me a chance.

Susie. Toto. They were my family.

Toto, with his characteristic composure, didn’t want to throw me straight into the deep end. We made a decision—next season, I would be a Williams driver while also serving as Mercedes reserve driver. It was a future beyond my wildest dreams.

Only one thing kept nagging at me. What would my grandfather have said if he could see this?

"He would be proud of you, for sure" Susie said as we sat in a café in Monaco.

I looked at her, frowning slightly.

"How do you know what I’m thinking?"

She smiled gently.

"Because I know you by now."

I bit my lip.

I couldn’t tell her what I felt—that everything I had achieved didn’t matter if I couldn’t share it with him. The only thing I truly wanted was to hear his voice one more time, to see the pride in his eyes if he saw me in an F1 car. But that wasn’t possible, so I had to find something else.

In those days, when my world suddenly flipped upside down, one thought kept circling my mind. Home.

Not the Monaco apartment I now had to live in—yes, the contract required me to be close to the tracks, at the heart of the motorsport world. I meant a real home.

Something that could be mine.

The Bieszczady Mountains. That word echoed in my head for weeks. My last happy childhood memory was there. My parents had taken me on vacation. I was a child then, not knowing that just weeks later, I would become an orphan.

I remembered those mountains. The lake where I sat for hours, dipping my feet in the water. The forest that smelled like peace. That was the place I wanted to return to. Not as a child, but as a woman who could finally say she had achieved something in her life.

Susie and Jack flew there with me. I looked through listings, driving from one plot of land to another, until I found it.

A small wooden cottage by the lake. Surrounded by forest, with a view of mountains that changed color depending on the time of day. I stood on the porch while little Jack, nestled against Susie, dozed off in her arms.

"This is the place." I whispered.

Susie looked at me carefully.

"Are you sure?"

I closed my eyes and listened to the silence. There was no Monaco noise here. No crowds, no cameras, no shouting reporters. Just the wind and the scent of rain on the tree bark. And in that silence, I heard something else.

My grandfather’s voice. "Good job, Myszko." (pol. little Mouse)

I smiled, though it felt like my heart was about to break. I opened my eyes and looked at Susie.

"Yes."

This would be my home. My sanctuary. My place on Earth.

And I didn’t yet know that one day, standing by that lake beside me, would be someone who would become my entire world.

A Woman Among Wolves

POV Miriell

Every move I made was watched.

Every mistake—analyzed and magnified.

Every success—questioned.

From my first day in the paddock, I knew there would be no special treatment. I was the only woman in the Formula 1 grid for decades, an anomaly in a world that had long proven it wasn’t a place for people like me. A petite woman among men—that’s how they put it. Just one mistake, and they would slap a label on me confirming all their theories. I couldn’t let that happen. I worked harder than anyone.

I spent my days at the Williams factory, analyzing telemetry data for hours, studying every detail of the car. My engineer’s mind wouldn’t let me treat the machine as just a tool—I had to understand it, feel it, hear every sound that could signal a problem.

At first, the mechanics looked at me with skepticism, but over time, they began to see something they hadn’t expected—my passion, my knowledge, my precision. I wasn’t here to be a "decorative" element in Formula 1. I was here to win.

The season started with a media frenzy. Everyone wanted to know who Miriell Joschke was.

Where did I come from? Did I have a partner? What was my story? Why did I never talk about my private life?

Journalists tried to dissect my past, but the more they pushed, the more I withdrew. I was like a fortress—closed off, focused on one thing. Racing. And what I did on track was pure poetry.

Williams, the worst team in the grid for years, suddenly started scoring points. They became the dark horse of the championship, and I was at the heart of this revolution.

After every race, every battle, every moment spent on the track, I returned… to them. To Susie. To Jack. To Toto.

Their private jet became my second home. We often traveled together, discussing races, analyzing strategies. Susie, though my manager, was more than that—a mentor, a sister, someone who never left my side.

Toto was quiet, observant, analyzing me with that piercing gaze of his, as if he could see right through me. Sometimes, he’d throw in a comment, short sentences full of hidden meaning that hit straight to my core.

But Jack was my greatest treasure. A little boy who looked at me as if I were a hero. He never left my side.

"Auntie Miriell, will you read to me?"

"Auntie Miriell, will you play with me?"

"Auntie Miriell, will you teach me to drive a gokart"?

Every free weekend, I spent with him at the track. The first time he sat in a go-kart, he was three years old. I held his hands, guided him, explained everything… And when he finally dared to drive, he looked up at me with the biggest smile.

"I’ll be just like you!"

And I felt my throat tighten. Because I had never had anyone who looked at me like that. I had always been alone.

But now?

Now, I had them. I had a family. And that was the most precious thing I had ever been given.

A Diamond Among Stones

POV Toto

I remember that evening perfectly. Late autumn, Monaco. Dinner at our apartment, meticulously planned by Susie, as always. "You have to meet her" she told me days before. "She’s special, Toto."

I wasn’t easily convinced, but I trusted Susie implicitly. If she said the girl was worth my attention, she didn’t say it lightly.

When the apartment door opened, I saw her for the first time.

Young. Beautiful. Different.

A blonde with shaved sides, dressed in cargo pants, heavy boots, and a leather jacket that seemed like armor separating her from the world. Tattoos covered her forearms, their meaning still unknown to me.

But it was her eyes that caught my attention the most. Green, piercing, full of fire. And full of pain I didn’t yet understand.

"Toto, meet Miriell Joschke." Susie introduced her warmly.

I didn’t know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t what I saw. She wasn’t one of those young, wide-eyed girls who dreamed of Formula 1 and jumped with excitement at the idea of dining with Toto Wolff.

She was reserved, watchful. Studying me as intently as I studied her.

We shook hands. Her grip was firm, strong. Not delicate, as one might expect from a young woman.

Good upbringing, I thought.

She didn’t talk much, but every word was measured. I noticed how she avoided personal topics, skillfully dodging questions about her past. I didn’t push. Not yet.

But I saw more than she wanted to show.

She saw racing as more than just competition. It was her escape. Her fight—against something or for something. I wasn’t sure which yet.

And she intrigued me.

From that moment, I watched her every move.

I often asked Susie about Miriell, though I wasn’t sure why. I was interested in how she was developing, what progress she was making. I saw how ambitious she was. A perfectionist. Incredibly intelligent and talented. A gift that shouldn’t be wasted.

And then I had that call from James.

It was a race weekend—Saturday, qualifying day. My phone rang just after the team briefing. James Vowles name appeared on the screen. He had once been my chief strategist and was now the team principal of Williams.

"Toto, I have a problem," his voice was tense. "My driver is sick. I need a replacement. Immediately. Can you help me?"

I didn’t hesitate for a second.

"Miriell."

Susie looked at me with slight surprise but quickly nodded.

"I’ll bring her in."

I knew it was the right decision. And I wasn’t wrong. What she did that weekend exceeded my expectations.

She took the Williams car—a machine that had been at the bottom of the standings for years—and brought it to the top.

In the rain, on a track that forgave no mistakes, she drove like someone with ten years of Formula 1 experience.

Miriell didn’t just drive a good race. She did something that seemed impossible. Perfect driving. Precision. Cold calculation and aggression where it was needed. I watched her like a rare specimen—a diamond among stones.

And even then, I knew that if someone nurtured her, if someone watched over her, if she was given the chance—she would become one of the best.

Did I know back then that this young woman would one day become my whole world? No, but I knew I had to protect her because the world she had just entered was brutal. And I wasn’t going to let it break her.

Fire and Ash

POV: Toto

Miriell’s first season in Formula 1 was pure madness.

A woman in the paddock. Not a celebrity, not the face of an ad campaign, not a decorative figure in sponsor photos. A real competitor. And one hell of a talented one.

Every race, every practice session, every qualifying run was proof that she belonged in this world—though this world wasn’t ready for her. She wasn’t ready for what this world had to offer, either. She became a star faster than she could have ever wanted.

She was beautiful in a raw, unconventional way. She didn’t try to emphasize her looks—quite the opposite. Her masculine style, tattoos, leather jackets, heavy boots, and quiet, cold confidence only reinforced who she was. She didn’t need a facade. She was herself.

And that terrified them.

She didn’t fit into the mold they wanted to place her in. She wasn’t docile. She didn’t smile when expected. She avoided the media, never engaged in polite small talk with journalists. She answered matter-of-factly, concisely, as if counting the minutes until she could disappear from the crowd.

But I saw more. And so did Niki Lauda. We often talked about her.

"She’s got a hell of a talent," Niki would say with his unwavering certainty. "She’s insanely fast. She never gives up. She’s not afraid. But you see what I see, don’t you? She’s fragile, Toto."

I looked at Niki. Few people had the courage to speak so directly about such things, but he never sugarcoated the truth.

"It’s not obvious at first glance," he continued. "She hides it well. But there’s something in her eyes. Something you can’t ignore."

I knew what he meant. I saw it too.

Miriell never allowed herself to get close to anyone. She always kept her distance. She wasn’t rude, but she was... unapproachable. Cold, withdrawn. She never spoke about herself. She avoided physical contact. Even when success attracted the big players—Red Bull, Ferrari, Helmut Marko circling her like a vulture—she never played along. They could offer her millions, golden contracts, promises of a bright future. She always refused.

Loyal to Williams. To Susie.

To me.

She never said it outright, but I saw it in her actions. With every race, every maneuver on the track, every fight for position, I felt that if I didn’t bring her to Mercedes, I would make the biggest mistake of my career.

But I still wasn’t sure.

Could she handle the pressure? Could she endure what it meant to race alongside Lewis Hamilton? Could she survive this world? Or would it break her?

I had to understand. I had to know what haunted her. I couldn’t ask her directly, but there was one person who knew the answer.

Talking to Susie wasn’t easy. I didn’t push, didn’t pressure her. I knew that if she told me, it would only be because she believed I should know. She looked at me for a long time.

Then she let out a heavy sigh.

"Toto, Miriell…" she began, carefully choosing her words. "She’s been through hell."

I didn’t speak, letting her continue.

"She was nineteen when she was attacked."

I clenched my hands.

"A group of young men."

Every word hit like a punch.

"They hurt her terribly. I don’t know all the details. She never told me everything. But I know it broke her. And I know that since then, she hasn’t let anyone get close."

I leaned against the wall. I had imagined many scenarios, but not this one.

Susie watched me closely.

"Don’t ask her about it. Not now, maybe never. She told me in confidence because… because she had to tell someone. But that doesn’t mean she wants to talk about it."

I nodded slowly.

Susie placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Toto, I know you worry about her. I know you care about her. So I ask you only one thing."

"What?"

"Be there for her. When she’s at Mercedes. When this world comes at her with full force. She’ll pretend she’s fine. But when the moment comes when she can’t hold on anymore… let her know she has someone she can trust."

I stared at the ceiling, trying to organize my thoughts.

Now I understood more. Now I saw her even more clearly. Those quiet moments when she withdrew into herself. Avoiding touch. Her reluctance toward men. The closeness she had only with Susie and Jack—the only boy who could never hurt her.

I understood. And now I knew.

No matter what—whether she ever let me in, whether she always kept her distance—I would be there for her.

I wouldn’t let this world break her. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her.

Niki was right. She was a diamond. Hard, unbreakable, but at the same time… fragile.

And I had to make sure she wasn’t crushed.

The Contract

Bieszczady, September

POV Miriell

I remember—it was September. I was spending a short break between race weekends in Poland, at my cabin in the Bieszczady Mountains. I was here alone, just as I liked it. Just me, the wind rustling through the trees, and the distant calls of deer somewhere deep in the forest. My sanctuary. My place on earth. The leaves on the trees were beginning to blaze with red and gold, while the morning mist lazily drifted over the surface of the lake. I loved this time of year. I loved this place. My solitude, my fortress, where nothing could reach me.

That day, I woke up early, and as always, I started my morning with a run along the lake shore. When I returned to the house, my phone buzzed on the kitchen counter.

"Are you home?" Susie’s voice was as warm and slightly excited as always. "We’ll be at your place in an hour. We have a present for you."

I didn’t even have time to ask what the surprise was before she hung up.

An hour later, a black off-road Mercedes pulled up on the gravel driveway next to my motorbike. Before I even stepped onto the porch, the door opened, and little Jack ran out, laughing loudly. Susie followed with a smile, and Toto… Toto was carrying something in his arms. A Czechoslovakian Wolfdog puppy. Tiny, still clumsy, nestled against the warmth of his arms, with big, alert eyes. I was speechless.

"You need a companion out here in the middle of nowhere." Toto said as he stepped closer. There was something in his eyes beyond just amusement. "We thought this little troublemaker would be perfect."

I took the puppy in my arms, and he immediately snuggled against my neck, as if he already knew he was mine.

"Thank you" I whispered.

"That’s not all" Susie added, exchanging a glance with Toto. "We have another offer for you. One you can’t refuse."

I looked at her carefully, then at Toto. Something in his gaze told me this was important.

"I want you in Mercedes" he said directly, without sugarcoating. "Starting next season."

My heart started beating faster. Mercedes. A top team. A chance to win, to fight for the highest accolades.

I inhaled the cool mountain air, trying to collect my thoughts.

"That’s… a huge step" I admitted finally, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten. "You know what this means. My face will be in the spotlight even more. More questions, more pressure…"

"I know" he answered calmly. "But I want to give you this opportunity. I know it’s a big leap, but… you have something special, Miriell. I can’t ignore that. Besides, you’ll never be alone. We’ll support you. Susie, me…"

He looked at me seriously, but I could feel he meant every word. Susie was smiling broadly, as if waiting for my answer.

"I accept" I said, looking into Toto’s dark eyes. I couldn’t have answered any other way.

Jack ran up to me, reaching out for the puppy.

"What’s his name?" he asked excitedly.

I looked at the small, warm bundle nestled in my arms.

"His name is Loki."

Susie laughed, and Toto raised an eyebrow.

"The cunning Norse god of chaos? Fits him."

Austria, December – Christmas

When Susie invited me to Austria for Christmas a few weeks later, I didn’t hesitate for a second. For years, Christmas had been a quiet time for me, spent either in solitude or with my grandfather, who always tried to make sure I felt loved. But now… for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was part of something bigger.

Susie and Toto’s home in Austria was filled with warmth. The air smelled of cinnamon, baked apples, and pine. Jack’s laughter filled the space, his little hands constantly pulling me into play. He was like a spark of life—something I had never had, yet suddenly longed for more of.

I was sitting by the fireplace, wrapped in a blanket, holding a mug of hot chocolate when Susie sat down beside me.

"You look happy" she said softly.

I smiled.

"Maybe because I am."

And it was true. I felt like part of this family.

Toto was talking with Jack, who was passionately explaining something about his toy cars. His serious expression contrasted with the warmth in his eyes. At that moment, I thought—maybe this is where I belong. Maybe I had found something I didn’t even know I was looking for.

I had no idea it would be the last Christmas we would spend together, all of us. I didn’t know that in just a few weeks, everything would fall apart.

Looking back now, I think fate wanted to give me these moments, so I could remember them. So I could carry them within me when the world went up in flames.

----------

NEXT -> 3. Loss and Pain

---------------------------------

"I put my armor on, show you how strong I am."

Read the story here:

AO3 Unstoppable Series

Wattpad Part1 I Wattpad Part 2

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plutoccult · 1 year ago

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HAIKYUU X THE OFFICE AU — EPISODE THREE: EMPLOYEE AWARDS NIGHT

pairing: sugawara koushi x female reader

description: it’s the annual employee awards night for japan pulp and paper, your least favorite night of the year. after getting embarrassed year after year over your ill-fated engagement, you just hope the night turns out decently, and your new conflicting feelings for sugawara aren’t all that helpful either.

word count: 5.4k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: hello! i’m sorry this third part took so long to get to you guys. i’m juggling schoolwork alongside life in general and i didn’t want to rush this then post something crappy as a result. i’m really passionate about this au and want to provide the best content possible for everyone, not just myself (because honestly this is so self indulgent for me to write). this part will be inspired by the dundies episode, of course with many changes, and as you can tell, we’re getting closer to the angst!!! my favorite!!! i’m thinking about making a suga x reader playlist, honestly. hopefully the wait for this was worth it, and i hope you enjoy!

“y/n, y/n, y/n!” oh, how you hated the tone of ukai’s voice right now. based off experience—and also the time of year—he was either going to a. act super excited about something, b. say something stupid, or the most popular option, c. both. “you know what time of the year it is.”

“unfortunately, i do.” you sigh as you look up from your computer.

ukai pouted over your lack of enthusiasm. he should know by now why you were like this. “why aren’t you excited? awards night! chili’s! booze! ribs! good vibes!”

yes, awards night. you absolutely despised this night ever since you began working at the office. it was more like an ordinary power trip for ukai rather than an actual celebration for the employees. most if not all of the time, at least someone got absolutely humiliated, and you were one of the common targets. but, there was free food and drinks, so you couldn’t totally hate it, even if you really did hate it a whole lot.

“well, i do like ribs.” you shrug.

“what about booze?” he questioned.

“i need to listen to a lot of taylor swift if i’m going to drink, or be really sad…” you pause. “or all of the above.”

“ugh, how pathetic.” ukai scoffed and began to walk away.

“don’t make me tell takeda you bully your employees on the daily.” you lightly threatened, but ukai wasn’t wavered by your words one bit.

“i bully him on the daily, i’m invincible!” he said, perhaps a little too loud as the entire office could hear him, even takeda himself in his little nook.

“uh-huh…”

•••

“every year, ukai holds an awards night for all the employees at japan pulp and paper. mind you, he funds the entire thing. none of the other branches to this. just this one.” you explain to the camera as the crew questioned ukai’s yearly excursion. “it’s probably my least favorite night of the year besides the bachelor finale. i always get sad thinking about how majority of those relationships never work out…”

•••

in his office, ukai put on a show for the documentary crew as he conveniently placed all of his past awards on his desk for the sake of “cleaning” them. they were all awards he gave to himself, but he still felt like a winner regardless.

“oh, what’s this?” ukai asked as he pretended to act like he didn’t notice the cameras were rolling. “just my “world’s best boss” awards. i’ve never lost once. i should make a reel, actually… Y/N!”

you cursed to yourself as you got up from your desk and walked to ukai’s office, eyeing suga as he snickered quietly and rolling your eyes as a result. “is it a y/n problem or a ukai problem?”

“y/n problem.” he said without hesitation. “i’m emailing you footage from every miyagi awards and i need you to make a highlight reel.”

“can’t you just make tanaka do it?” you whined. you could be doing much more productive things right now, like making faxes or pining for suga from afar— oh! you were still struggling with that newfound realization, it seemed.

“but where’s the fun in that?” ukai whined.

oh, but the fun was so obvious to you, how could your egotistical boss not see that? “um, he’d probably make the highlight reel all about you rather than everybody else.”

“y/n, you beautiful genius.” perfection, just like you wanted, and a rare compliment from ukai too. “TANAKA!”

tanaka bolted out of his seat, knocking over his chair and even spooking the shit out of suga. he tripped over his feet multiple times as he ran to the sound of ukai’s voice, almost like an over-obedient puppy. it was sad, but oddly adorable at the same time.

“yes, sir?!” tanaka asked, practically gasping for air. how could he be so out of breath so quickly, you wondered.

“miyagi awards highlight reel. have it done by the end of the day.” ukai ordered, passing your previous duty onto someone far more willing.

“i’m on it!” he said excitedly, running back to his desk as quickly as he arrived.

now that you got away with not having to do a thing, you wanted out of ukai’s spiky hair. “am i done here?”

“eh, make me a coffee or something.” ukai said, shooing you away. as if you were going to do that for him.

“sounds like a ukai problem, not a y/n problem.” you sassed, shocking your boss as he cried out for you on your way out of his office.

“y/n! god, where did you learn that from?! tsukishima?!”

•••

“she sure did.” tsukishima smiled proudly as the two of you high fived each other. where else would you learn such sass? from the sass master himself, of course. he was the leader of the sassy apocalypse.

“you know, i actually dislike you less now, tsukishima.” you say nonchalantly, and tsukishima is touched by your words.

“that is the nicest thing i’ve ever heard.” he said, placing his hand over his heart to show his appreciation.

•••

the work day went by, and tanaka sat on his computer while looking through past awards footage. upon his digging, he stopped on a certain clip from last year, one you instantly recognized just by the sounds of the camera shuffling, even from the distance of your desk to his. you couldn’t believe you were reliving this right now.

“yo, guys. watch this.” tanaka called out. nishinoya and hinata get out of their seats and crowd at tanaka’s desk to watch the computer screen with more of your coworkers following suit. it all made you want to crawl into a hole and die.

tanaka resumed the video, thus playing out last year’s utter embarrassment. it was ukai announcing your award, one that haunts you to this day. “and the award for "world’s longest engagement" goes to… y/n l/n! give it up for y/n, everybody!”

the sound of everyone’s applause in the video erupted through the office. suga sat awkwardly across from tanaka, so even if he wasn’t watching the video, he could hear it all loud and clear. he remembered that night all too well, and all suga could think to himself was that if he was your fiancé, he wouldn’t leave you waiting around to get married.

“when are you finally gonna tie that knot, you two? when pigs fly?”

god, the memories are all coming back to you. getting the award was bad enough, but with ryo right there watching, just as embarrassed as you, it was all too much. you couldn’t take the humiliation anymore, so you walked away from your desk and went to the break room, hoping it would be empty so you could go cry in there. suga noticed you walk away, and while tempted to comfort you, he thought of something much better.

suga—with the camera crew inches behind him—knocked on ukai’s office door. when ukai noticed the cameras, he motioned for them to come in. suga just knew his boss simply couldn’t resist it.

“hey ukai?” he walked through the door, one of the crew members closing the door behind him. “ooh, it’s cramped in here.”

“you’ll get used to it.” ukai shrugged. “what’s up?”

“have you, uh, finalized the miyagi awards yet?” suga asked. he was beating around the bush right now, but it was all part of his not so sinister master plan.

“why, you want me to rig something? because i can be convinced…” ukai dramatically paused. “with money.”

“no, not exactly. i just, uh…” he sat down in an empty chair. “i’m kind of curious as to what award you’re giving y/n this year.”

you see, ukai didn’t have a clue about suga’s feelings for you. if he paid a little more attention to his employees, he’d see how clear as day it was that you two had some unspoken thing going on. even the documentary crew noticed it on their first day of filming. his obliviousness was just bad.

“oh, same as last year, no contest.” ukai struggled not to laugh, the mere thought of what happened last year giving him the urge to burst. “it's the best one.”

“world’s longest engagement? again?” suga scoffed. he had an inkling this would happen, and thank god he decided to talk to ukai while you had no suspicions.

“yeah, it’s hilarious.” he replied.

now this was where suga had to let his plan really start rolling. it’s phase one now. “i just, um, i think it’s just pretty much expected by now, you know?”

“but that's why it's funny.” ukai said. “every year that y/n and ryo don't get married, it gets funnier.”

“well, i think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy, if you catch my drift.” suga shrugged. there comes the first crack in the glass. he knew exactly where to push ukai’s buttons.

“lazy?!”

“and unoriginal.” the glass had been totally shattered now.

“well, i never!” ukai gasped out of offense. lazy and unoriginal? he’d rather die than have his jokes be called such things, which is why he fell right into suga’s trap.

“oughta think of something better then.” he said, resisting a smirk.

“and what’s your idea of better, suga?” ukai questioned, crossing his arms as he waited for an answer.

“oh, well, let me think about that.” suga smiled to the camera, proud of his work.

•••

you walk into the break room with tears in your eyes. unfortunately for you, takeda was sitting at a table alone as he sipped a cup of coffee, so you quickly wiped away your tears and pretended as if nothing was wrong.

“oh, hey, takeda.” you sniffle. “excited about awards night?”

you weren’t exactly the best at hiding things, which takeda instantly noticed. it’s almost never a good idea to cry in front of the hr guy. “y/n, are you crying? did ukai do something insanely offensive again?”

you’re silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say to him, especially considering he’s higher up than you in the company. regardless, the words all just come out like word vomit.

“i’m in the world’s longest engagement with a man who doesn’t even know my favorite flavor of yogurt.” you spilled out, instantly regretting saying those words out loud based off the confused look on takeda’s face. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said anything—”

“no, no, no. it’s okay.” he reassured you. “you guys can come to me about anything, especially if it’s ukai related.”

“really?” you asked in disbelief.

“emphasis on anything, not just the ukai stuff.” takeda said. it’s nice to know someone else around here has your back, even if that’s quite literally part of his job.

“thanks, takeda.” you say. “i don’t know why ukai messes with you so much.”

“trust me, i don’t know why either…” he quietly said to himself.

you decided that since you were already in the break room, you might as well grab your favorite snack, but alas, someone ate it. again. you knew you should’ve bought that mini fridge to hide behind your desk like you wanted to.

“aw, did yamaguchi eat my fucking yogurt again?” you groan then instantly realized you dropped the f-bomb on camera once again. “oh shit, i just cursed. fuck, i did it again! oh my god, please stop me—”

•••

“i am not okay, guys. not okay.” you say while laughing almost manically, sparking concern from the crew who questioned your sanity. “i have feelings for someone who isn’t my fiancé. someone i work with, no less! i’ve been with ryo for years, since college! but will i EVER get married? i just… i don’t know what to do. i just want this to all go away.”

•••

after arguing with ryo at home, you finally convinced him to come along with you to chili’s for awards night. he wanted to go out to a bar with his friends instead, but he did that plenty enough, so one night without going wouldn’t kill him, at least you hoped that was the case. you couldn’t bear to hear his voice any longer at this point.

the two of your entered the restaurant and were greeted by tanaka and nishinoya, who were taking on the role of ushers before the event properly began.

“welcome to the eighth annual japan pulp and paper awards night.” nishinoya greeted you. “may i take your coat, y/n?”

“sure, nishinoya, thanks.” you say, taking off your coat and handing it to him.

“ryo—” he began to say before ryo brushed past you and grumpily walked towards an empty table. “nevermind.”

you softly smile to them before following ryo, taking the vacant seat next to him. you let out a sigh and look over to see suga was already here, sitting at a table with hinata and kageyama, seemingly babysitting them for the night. you assumed daichi put him up to it, wondering how he was able to be convinced.

“i can’t believe you dragged me here after what happened last year, y/n. you embarrassed me.” ryo scoffed.

god, not this argument again. you remembered what happened when you got home that night last year. your argument lasted all throughout the hours of the night, all to end with no solution. you both went to work the next day with bags under your eyes, the sweet bliss of caffeine keeping you in a somewhat functioning state.

you couldn’t understand why ryo would claim this was all your fault. he was the one that proposed to you! besides, you were far more than willing to plan a wedding, but it takes more than one person to do it. you would have never gotten that pathetic award in the first place had it not been for his lack of cooperation. it’s why your relationship was doomed to fail; he never wanted to work as a team.

“really?” you raise an eyebrow. “if anything, you embarrassed me.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, a hint of threat in his tone.

“it means exactly what i said.“ you huff.

“pft, whatever.” ryo rolled his eyes. “we should’ve just went to the thirsty bulldog with the warehouse guys like i wanted to.”

“well, you can go. i’m staying.” you cross your arms.

before ryo could get another word in, tanaka walked onto a small stage with a microphone in hand, signaling the awards were about to begin.

“alright, before we get started, a few announcements. keep your acceptance speeches short.” tanaka said, wagging his finger around so everyone got the point. “i have wrap it up music, and i'm not afraid to use it, people!”

ukai took the microphone out of tanaka’s hand despite his protest and forced him off the stage, getting the night properly started. “thank you tanaka for that, and thank you all for coming to the 2023 miyagi awards night! i am your host, keishin ukai. let’s all have some fun tonight!”

everyone clapped, and ryo simply couldn’t stand to be there a moment longer. he looked at his surroundings to see if anyone would notice him leaving, but he thought screw it and decided to just straight up get out.

“i’m leaving.” he said quietly in your ear. “find your own way home.”

“fine by me.” you reply.

ryo shook his head in annoyance. “god, you’re such a bitch, y/n.”

your jaw dropped as you watched ryo leave the restaurant. you knew no one else heard what he said, but you wished someone did so they could see why you were in such shock right now.

“oh man, ryo, don’t go, aw no, come on—” ukai said on ryo’s way out, letting out a chuckle once he saw him head through the exit. “whew, thank god.”

all of your coworkers laughed, and you covered your face with your hands in embarrassment. at least last time you met your fate towards the end of the night, not right at the beginning. this was already off to a horrendous start.

to come to your rescue, suga slinked out of his chair and walked over to the empty seat next to you. “this seat taken?”

you uncover your eyes and see suga, your knight in shining armor. he always came to you when you needed him most, didn’t he? “uh, not anymore, no.”

“great.” he grinned and sat down. “someone else will have to babysit carrot top and mr. simpleton idiot tonight.”

why did suga have to make the whole feelings thing so hard for you? he just had to be perfect in every way, the complete opposite of your asshole fiancé. he always treated you like porcelain, and if that’s what you were, then ryo had shattered you a long time ago. but as much as that sick and twisted part of you deep down wanted suga, you knew you couldn’t have him. it was wrong.

as the night moved along, a waitress walked up to your table to take your order, just what you needed. if you were going to spend this night with suga and potentially be made a running joke, you needed reinforcements in the form of intoxicating liquid. there was no way you could get through tonight sober, as sad as it sounded.

“can i get you two something to drink?” the waitress asked politely.

“two of the strongest drink you have.” you reply.

“alright, i’ll be right back—” she began to say before you cut her off.

“oh no, that’s just for me.” you say with out hesitation. suga’s eyes widened as a result, his concern evident.

•••

“is y/n okay? do any of you know what’s up with her?” suga asked.

of course they knew, but it’s not like they were going to spill, especially considering they would be fired if they ruined such a slow burn. the producers knew full well they had a glorious storyline unfolding on their hands, and none of the crew members were allowed to directly stir the pot.

“nothing?” he groaned. yup, not a peep from them. “you have to know something. god, you guys suck.”

the camera crew took that personally.

•••

the distributing of the awards went smoothly so far. no complete and utter humiliation happened yet, so it was safe to say nothing was terribly wrong. while ukai’s awards were almost always at least slightly offensive, some of them were actually kind of funny.

“alright, y’all. this award goes to someone who is quite literally scared of everything.” ukai began. “i mean, they freak out when a fly is in the room. so, the award for “biggest scaredy cat” goes to… hitoka yachi!”

everyone did the typical applause, and kiyoko giggled at yachi while she went up to get her award. on the way up to the stage, she received a high five from yamaguchi, her cheeks slightly burning red as a result. however, her blush quickly faded when she received her little trophy.

“um, this says “biggest scaredy rat”…” she spoke up.

“ignore that.” ukai said.

before yachi had a chance to speak another word, tanaka played his “wrap it up�� music that he threatened everybody with earlier. “i didn’t even give a speech!”

“we’re on a time crunch!” tanaka yelled harshly.

“but i…” yachi pouted as she accepted defeat and walked off the stage.

“it’s okay, yachi.” yamaguchi tried to comfort her.

“thanks, yamaguchi.” she sighed.

“i’m shocked you didn’t get that award considering you look like the rat from flushed away.” tsukishima snickered while yamaguchi gawked at his savage comment.

“what?!”

while that was going on, you were downing drink after drink. you weren’t even counting anymore. no thoughts, head empty; just the way you wanted it to be. you figured this was the only way to feel good about yourself with the way your life is going, so you thought so be it.

after finishing yet another drink, you slammed the glass down onto the table and raised your fists into the air. “y’all know what dj khaled said!”

“anotha one?” suga replied hesitantly.

“anotha one!” you exclaim.

“okay, let’s settle down.” cough. “y/n.”

“are you still drinking that?” you ask suga.

“um—”

“great, thanks.” you interrupt suga and take his beer, giving him no room to protest. he wanted to tell you to relax on the drinks, but he found it hard to do so. would it come off the wrong way? maybe, so suga had to bite his tongue while you got drunk. you weren’t the only one drinking anyway, but you might be the only one drinking to this extent.

once you were quiet, ukai began to announce the next award. “this next award is one that’s never been done before. gasp, am i right? why are none of you gasping?”

crickets.

“anyway, this award goes to someone who’s built like a greek god and is always rocking a gorgeous man bun.” he said, making it all so obvious. “the “office beefcake” award goes to… asahi the temp!”

asahi looked to the camera in shock.

•••

“what’s… what’s a beefcake?” he asked in disbelief, hoping someone could grant him an answer, but he was left with nothing. “is it like, um, a cake made of beef? a beef made of cake? wait, that doesn’t even make sense…”

one of the crew members pulled up the definition on their phone and handed it to him. when asahi read it over, his eyes widened. “oh...”

•••

“this award… is no contest.” ukai said. from the way he started speaking, you thought the award was for you, but thankfully it wasn’t. “i ask myself this all the time, how can one possess such a hair color without dyeing it?”

“ugh, come on.” tsukishima rolled his eyes. “we already know it’s an award for hinata.”

ukai couldn’t even get that mad. it was his most unoriginal award ever. a painfully obvious one too. “yeah, come up here, ginger.”

hinata rushed onto the stage as happy as he could be, but his smile quickly went away when he read out his award. “most orange hair? not again!”

kageyama hollered out into a fit of laughter, probably the only employee who found this hilarious. any chance to laugh at hinata, he would take, but he sure wouldn’t get the last laugh once ukai was done with him.

“well, kageyama, since you find that so funny, let’s give out your award.” he said then went to look for the trophy. “where is it… ah, it’s the “tight ass” award!”

“but that went to tsukishima last year!” kageyama stood defiantly.

“well, guess what? there’s a new tight ass in town!” ukai cackled.

tsukishima laughed his ass off. he wouldn’t have been mad if he received the same award, but this… this was the greatest potential outcome. this may just end up being the best awards night ever. that is, if everyone is happy by the end of it.

all while tsukishima laughed, kageyama gave him the death glare, but it wasn’t long before he switched his gaze onto ukai, who joined in on the laughter.

•••

“how’s the award, kageyama?”

“i’m gonna shove it where the sun don’t shine and show ukai who the REAL tight ass is.” he said through gritted teeth. it was safe to say no one should speak to him for the rest of the night.

•••

it was halfway through the night, and after so many awards had been given out, it was time to relax a little bit. unfortunately, ukai’s idea of “relaxing” wasn’t what any of your pictured.

“now, it’s time for a brief intermission…” he spoke into the microphone. “one where i will be singing bring me to life by evanescence with tanaka.”

“oh my god.” kiyoko’s eyes widened. she couldn’t handle this right now. it’s too much.

“kiyoko’s got a crush…” daichi teased, gently nudging her shoulder while yachi tried to pull him away to stop.

“daichi, don’t—”

“i’m just poking fun!” he raised his hands in the air defensively.

“shut your trap, daichi.” kiyoko said lowly.

“that doesn’t work on me like it works on tanaka and nishinoya.” daichi said with full confidence before kiyoko gave him the death glare, which immediately made him cower down. “but that does.”

meanwhile, you’re sipping on an empty glass through a straw, and suga couldn’t help but take notice to it. “uh, i think that might be empty, y/n.”

“no, no, no. when the ice melts it’s just like a second drink!” you giggle before letting out a loud hiccup.

“lemme just…” suga tried taking the glass out of your hands, but you fought against it, so he gave up. “nevermind.”

suga’s concern only grew more and more. not just towards you, but also to the horrendously off-key performance ukai and tanaka were putting on right now. at least the “god, please help me” face on kiyoko had while she covered her ears was funny.

“WAKE ME UP!”

“WAKE ME UP INSIDE!”

“I CAN’T WAKE UP!”

“WAKE ME UP INSIDE!”

“SAVE ME!”

suddenly, wadded up napkins were pelted at ukai and tanaka, but it wasn’t their coworkers who did such a thing. it was the other poor customers in the restaurant who just wanted to have a nice meal.

“you guys SUCK!” a random guy yelled, crushing both ukai’s soul and his confidence, so he pressed pause on the music, which confused tanaka.

“hey, why’d you stop?” he questioned, ready to keep going despite the haters.

“i’m not feeling it anymore.” ukai shrugged. “we should just cut this short, you guys. just enjoy your food and stuff.”

cut this short? oh no, no, no. you didn’t get drunk for nothing! if ukai was going to put you to shame once again, you sure weren’t going to be sober for it this time around.

“wait, where’s my award?!” you whined. “i didn’t get one!”

“yeah, me too!” suga chimed in to help your case. he too didn’t put on all that work convincing ukai for nothing. neither of your efforts shall be in vein.

“anotha one! anotha one! anotha one!” you began to chant, suga joining in before the rest of your coworkers did too “come on, everybody!”

the chant went on for a few more seconds before ukai finally gave in, but you would soon live to regret your previous decision. “okay, fine! since you asked so nicely… this next award goes out to none other than our lovely receptionist, y/n.”

all of your drunkenness quickly faded into sober realization as you brace for what’s to come. suga could only hope his earlier conversation with ukai actually worked.

“i think we all know what award y/n is going to get this year…” a dramatic pause, it’s killing you. why does ukai love those so much? “it’s the “dairy queen” award! because she’s always eating yogurt without blowing up the bathroom afterwards!”

you instantly gasp and look over to see the proud smile on suga’s face. you have no clue he took part in this for your sake, but you’re just too elated to think right now. you couldn’t believe this was happening in the best way possible. finally, you weren’t the butt of the joke, and it was absolutely glorious.

“come on down, y/n!” ukai said as you got out of your chair—still in shock—and walked up to the stage for your award, one you were actually excited to receive.

“oh my god!” you say as you grab the microphone out of ukai’s hands to give a speech. “i have so many people to thank for this award.”

“first off, shoutout to my supreme tolerance for lactose, i’m just really built different.” you began. “uh, let’s give ukai a round of applause for being our mc tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks. and also because of tanaka too.”

you watched as everyone clapped, but your eyes were fixed on suga for a brief moment as he watched you in complete and utter amazement. you didn’t know if it was the alcohol, but you sure felt on top of the world right now.

“and um, finally, i want to thank god. because god gave me this award…” you pause before saying nine words that nobody will ever let you live down, but you didn’t care. “and i feel god in this chili’s tonight. WOO!”

“y/n l/n, ladies and gentlemen!” ukai exclaimed as you gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, making him blush “oh! thank you…”

you return to your seat and instantly wrap your arms around suga. he’s taken aback at first, but returned your embrace and found himself lingering against your touch longer than he should. you let go of the hug and jump up and down in excitement, forcing suga to join you, and does so happily.

•••

“i think this might just have been the best awards night ever.” suga said to the camera. in all honesty, it was your happiness that made it this way. “we got a killer evanescence cover, which is always awesome. asahi is the office beefcake now, pretty bummed it’s not me. kageyama dethroned tsukishima, which was a total shocker, in my opinion. and uh, you’re the dairy queen.”

suga looked over to you and saw that you were staring at him while continuously nodding. “what?”

“nothing.” you smile. you were so drunk right now.

“okay.” he said before looking away. when suga turned his head again, you were still staring at him, and he could swear he saw hearts in your eyes. “what?!”

“nothing!” you start laughing uncontrollably and fall out of your chair, still laughing.

“oh my god, you are so drunk!” suga exclaimed as he rushed down to the floor to lift you back up, but ukai had a different idea in mind.

“oh fuck, she’s dead!”

“you’re not supposed to curse, ukai!” suga yelled at him.

“shut the fuck up, suga!” he yelled back.

•••

“was this year's awards night a success?” ukai repeated the documentary crew’s question. “well, let's see. i made y/n laugh so hard that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck, so i killed… almost.”

•••

after the whole falling out of your chair ordeal, you and ukai ended up banned from the establishment. you walked out of the place with suga, who had his eye on you incase your body threatened to let you fall again. you notice the cameras are on you on your way out, and with your trophy in hand, you yell to the camera.

“i just want to say… that this was the best night ever! WOO!” you say before tripping over your own feet.

“woah, careful!” suga quickly caught you, your eyes lingering onto each other’s gaze.

“…thank you.” you step away from suga’s gentle grasp. you really were porcelain, weren’t you?

the silence afterwards engulfed you both. your drunken mind was telling you to kiss him, but the part of you that started to sober up screamed no. you couldn’t. you can’t ruin this one good thing that’s yours.

“hey, how are you getting home tonight?” suga asked to break the silence.

“i, uh, didn’t think that part through.” you let out a dry laugh. you defiant behavior towards ryo earlier may have been a mistake as you knew he wouldn’t be here to pick you up later, but you always had suga to count on.

“well, i can take you home.” he offered. “didn’t exactly drink enough to get tipsy considering you kept stealing my drinks.”

“heh, sorry about that…” you look away, embarrassed over your previous behavior.

“actually, i wanted to ask you something…” suga paused, trying to figure out how to put it into words. “um, are you… doing okay? you seemed upset after ryo left.”

“i’m uh…” you hesitate, your head swirling. i’m harboring conflicting feelings for you despite being engaged to another man, you think to yourself, but you knew you couldn’t say that out loud. “i’m doing just fine.”

it wasn’t what suga wanted to hear, but he just had to accept it. “oh, okay. let’s get you home then.”

one way or another, sugawara koushi would be the death of you.

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