#wailing and gnashing my teeth rn

[doctorcrusher]

spent way too much time on a hiring exercise this weekend but I'm hoping the amount of effort gives me the final push over the edge to get offered this job. I connected really well with the guy who would be my boss in my last interview so I'm cautiously optimistic but aware there may be candidates who are just more qualified than me. it's a web & product developer position w/ a small nonprofit that also involves doing some database and tech support stuff. base pay would be around 75k a year (not nearly as much as my fancy software engineer friends make but way more than I was making at my last job), fully remote, 2k home office stipend, 90% of health insurance premiums covered, unlimited PTO, 401k matching, genuinely seems like a nice place to work (I don't want to reveal too much but it's a nonprofit that runs job training/certification and placement programs for a very necessary job in a non-tech industry)...god I'm trying not to get my hopes up but this would be so good

[midnightwind]

the only reason I'm still on twitter is because I can't actually tag the stuff I retweet whereas on here I have to queue everything because I'm trapped waiting for my brain to hit the magic window to do a lot of typing

[remyfire]

Weeping and wailing and gnashing my teeth rn

[meowmoths]

i miss drawing for fun but i’m so tired 24/7 and very dissatisfied w my current skills rn. cries wails gnashes my teeth rends my garments etc

[tensersfloatingdisc]

wailing and gnashing my teeth rn 👎

[cauldroncreations]

forgot to mention that at the time i wrote this we were running a three person floor actually minus me because i had to take a lunch which is something my boss stresses HAS to happen because it's just an opportunity for her to cut labor/costs even further like she will not let u refuse a lunch even if it means leaving only two people on the floor. it wouldn't have HAD to be a two person floor while i was on my lunch if she would have just gotten out there but like yea whatever. whatever she just wants us all to kill ourselves i guess. im honestly just rlly gonna get into the meat and potatoes of this rn cause thats not even all of it ok so this guy seth has his availability so tight that he can basically only open. sometimes he can be our first in like directly after opening but no matter what his availability is set so that he leaves 11am. so he can only come in at 5am to open or 5:30am as our first in right. k so sunday mornings, they don't like scheduling people so that they leave before 12ish. cause sunday mornings it keeps rolling til then cause everyone is goijg to church then gettijg out of church etc right. k so seth can only be scheduled to open on sundays, can't be scheduled first in, because that would mean the openers PLUS first in would all leave before 12. and with openers leaving before 12 is non negotiable because the max shift they want SMs to schedule baristas for is 5 and 3/4 of an hour, cause that is just under the 6 hours that would earn u a lunch right. and the thing about seth is. even though he has set his availability to where he can only open. he fucking hates opening. crazy right. and so he called out for his opening shift today and i was scheduled to be first in from 6:15-12 but came in at 5 to help open. and even though we used to handle this situation by like, if u come in to cover someone's opening, then u also just swap over to the time they leave as well. but recently after drama w my sm where she yelled at me for missing a store meeting after my sister hashtag fuckign died and i went to the district manager about her, she has been doing this very fun cute thing where if u come in at 5 to cover for an opener, u still have to stay til ur originally scheduled time. not even a huge deal. EXCEPT for the fact that she MAKES u take a lunch. so. 6:15-12 is 5.75 hours. 5-12 is a whole 7 hours. not a bad bump in pay u know. BUT the lunch actually makes it 6.5 hours. not even a whole hour more than the original shift. not even fucking worth the time bro. and it sucks SHIT, because obviously u COULD just leave the remaining 2 openers dangling in the fucking wind, but that woukd be shit because me amd my coworkers actually care about each other. and it just feels like my sm is trying to punish the people who actually make an effort and try to make sure the floor is covered and we can open properly instead of punishing the people who call out all the fucking time. this same situation that happened to me today has happened twice to my bf as well over the SAME PERSON (SETH) MISSING HIS OPENING SHIFTS !!!!! ITS LIKE WHY ARE U SO FUCKING ANGRY WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY TRY AUGHHHHHHHHH GNASHES TEETH WAILS CRIES OUT WRITHES IN AGONY BANGS HEAD ON WALL NO ONE IS EVEN GONNA READ THIS IM JUSY SO PISSED OFF AND IM TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE DOG SHIT ACTUAL DOG SHIT OVER FUCKING NOTHING I KID U NOT I DID NOTHING TO THIS WOMAN SHE JUST DECIDED THAT SINCE WE ARENT TOTAL BESTIES AND I DONT CARE ABOUT TALKING ABOUT SCARY MOVIES OR GAME OF THRONES WITH HER THAT WE ARE SWORN MORTAL ENEMIES AND ITS LIKE IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY I WAS FINE BEING CIVIL WITH U I WAS NEVER FUCKING RUDE TO THIS WOMAN LIKE OBVIOUSLY CAUSE SHE IS MY FUCKING BOSS WHY WOULD I BE RUDE TO MY BOSS THAT WOULD BE IDIOTIC BUT SHE ACTS LIKE I FUCKING!!!!!! KILLED HER DOG OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!! yea just to go back to the whole sister dying thing. yea i got the news she died on a friday and a store meeting was scheduled for the following monday from 5-7. at the time my days off were monday and tuesday and i am obvs a morning shift worker so my f

why does my boss come in and just start eating breakfast in the back why is she never on the floor at her scheduled time why can't she die

[inhumanfuckingdogman]

Yall remember mjf 😔

[imwritesometimes]

me opening an email from the cat rescue I got Santino from, reading about the adoption events this weekend, and going to the website looking at the cats:

[wabblebees]

.

[hymnsofheresy]

weeping, wailing, and gnashing my teeth rn

[chicago-geniza]

mutual's post prompted this line of thought, but:

- it was inculcated in me very early on that my appearance--in contrast to most of my relatives'--was unremarkable & also, critically, *unmarked*; this would allow me to be Anonymous & Invisible (the most desirable thing a person could strive for) & pass unnoticed in a crowd. i wasn't tall like my mother, i wasn't dark like my cousins, i wasn't fat like my sister, i didn't "look jewish" & i didn't speak with an accent. at least once a week someone would tell me how lucky i was, how grateful i should be, that i had light eyes & hair, that i had light skin, that i didn't look like the rest of the family. when i hit puberty & my complexion got swarthier, & my hair got coarser & curlier & turned from blonde to nearly black, i gained a lot of weight, & my features got...well, "clockably" jewish-looking, there was much weeping & wailing & gnashing of teeth & rending of garments about it, like, in front of me? about me becoming Ugly & most importantly losing my ability to Blend In.

- like they had counted on me being conventionally attractive to compensate for...everything else, & i grew up to be a chubby jew once hormones hit because everyone in our family is a chubby jew & that's what happens with...genes! & i was being very lightly bullied in school, nothing horrific, just age-appropriate stuff, however, parents projected Big Time & sat me down for these long lectures about Making Yourself A Target & Attracting Attention & It's Your Own Fault For Flying Your Freak Flag Like A Matador To A Bull When You Should Be Perfecting The Fine Art Of Camouflage.

- anyway i'm doing a lot of work rn on the body & interpretations imposed on it against the body-bearer's will during the interwar period & stefania zahorska's descriptions of her self-insert protagonist through her lover's eyes as he means to compliment her beauty by saying she doesn't look jewish at all & she replies something like "close your eyes, unfocus them, & look at my face through the membranes of your eyelids, take in only the forms--the shape of my face, the slant of my eyes, the angle of my nose. & imagine she's a stranger on the street, not your beloved. what would you say now?"

- zahorska was an ardent assimilationist, but she wasn't naive; her response was different, but she, like vogel & schulz, was taking part in a discourse about matter pressed into form by history & i am thinking about this push & pull every day of my life. how do you costume the body to minimize bulk when the personality matches the role but the physicality doesn't, because typecasting shouldn't be Pure Form; how do you cloak your origins in diction & movement & language, in clothing, in style; how is the body obscured by the Subject-Self when we decide the Subject-Self is in conflict with how the body is interpreted by dominant interpretive paradigms, & we make a conscious choice to change others' perception; we impose our will by making others perceive the conjured Subject-Self before they perceive their preconceived notions about the body. it is an act of will, it's an act of self-creation, it's zhiznetvorchestvo!

[trillgutterbug]

@reserve tagged me for the thing!

1) How many works in progress do you currently have?

haha god uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh like thirty? forty? who knows. things im sort of actively working on though: some thorki (smut + lady loki = my entire reason for existing rn), a random wayne/darry letterkenny fic that sort of came out of the blue at me for no reason, aaaaaaand some stranger things garbage that will never see the light of day!

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

........lol

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

paper books weirdly, despite how much fic i read online. i can't concentrate on lots of words on a screen when it's not fic and i think a big part of that is that fic has empty lines between paragraphs to sort of break up the visual wall of text, whereas mainstream ebooks don't, and my eyes start swimming

4) When did you start writing?

literally before i can remember. i learned to read when i was four, and i probably started writing around the same time. first fic i ever wrote was for potc (horrible reader inserts and mary sues oh lord) when i was.... 14?

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

my betrothed @kaasknot is forced to suffer through most of my writing and all of my wailing and gnashing of teeth during the writing process, and usually ends up betaing everything too, poor fella

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

usually either on my couch or in bed depending on the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nature of what im writing. or at starbucks

7) Favorite childhood book?

oh lord idk, i read everything i could get my little hands on. probably the whole redwall series, or narnia

8) Writing for fun or publication?

fun, currently. i've had a couple small things published but i don't do well with expectations or deadlines, or yknow.... finishing anything, so fic is the better creative choice for me rn

9) Pen and paper or computer?

computer absolutely and sometimes my phone. i used to write everything by hand but good grief

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

not unless a semester on academic writing counts

11) What inspires you to write?

thirst

lowkey tagging: @kaasknot, @twobrokenwyngs, @crucialandinert, aaaaaaand @lurkerdelima