#wahwahhhh
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JAY PLUSHIE???????????????? HELLOOOOO?????????????? CAN YOU HEAR MEEEE????????????????????????
not me liking all the marble hornets posts I can during the few minutes this is working once again 馃拃
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I'm going to be the happiest robot alive in about a week <3
#text post#art block is finally gone AND i have a friend visiting me soon AND my motivation for my interests has returned i am FLORISHING WAHOOOOO#playing games related to my interests and people watching them makes me so happy as well wahwahhhh#this week shall be a good week
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tldr fandom wahwahhhh
there's a certain frustration in enjoying a character everyone hates. it's not even about the fact that they're hated, but the sense of isolation that comes with knowing it. when i went back through my twitter last week to download the art i'd found over the past two years, it meant being reminded of how often an artist can't even post their work of a hated character without people rushing in to let you know how they hate them and they loved killing them. it's needless negativity spat directly in the face of someone just trying to enjoy something. can't you keep it to your own posts?
it's hard to write about them, because you don't want to play along with the fanon-standard derision of their character. you don't want to just use them as a mouthpiece for the 'bad' guys, and you don't want to just write them off as some generic, depthless asshole, because you know that source material itself doesn't really support such readings of ANY of their characters.
you want to be able to show their positive, sympathetic traits alongside their cruelties and harmful behaviors, only it gets written off as 'coddling', 'erasing', 'defending', whatever else, because it's unacceptable to acknowledge anything about them that isn't their flaws. even if you repeatedly remind everyone that, yes i know their faults, yes i know they do bad things, no they are not poor little meow meows, it's still not enough, leaving us with the conclusion that the only "acceptable" action is to hate them. this is especially frustrating in this fandom, of all places, because the source material has never been about a stark good/evil divide. i still want to write about ALL of who they are, not just the bad things.
i feel for people who like godrick, or corhyn, or other similarly written off and hated characters. yeah many others like mohg or radahn get a lot of debate and discourse which is its own special hell but they also have more than like. five people in their corner to begin with. i think that's why it feels so isolating. i'd rather the twins were just totally ignored than actively derided and written off as evil, esp when this is the same fandom that celebrates characters who have done more objective "harm" to their world, like messmer and morgott. idk i know this is entirely a me problem for letting it annoy me. it's just supremely uncomfortable to feel like the things you write are just being hate-read by people who could just...block you and not read your stuff if it annoys them so much.
#on god as i write this i get a notif from a girlboss slayqueen leda blog shitting on the twins :)#everyone gets to be ~complex~ and ~nuanced~ except the unlucky few who reminded someone of their republican uncle.
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PUHLEASE I NEED KITTY CONTENT WAHWAHHHH PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PSL SPSL PLS MAKE TYE CAT LOOK AT US
The meow meow
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sex///// sexual assault///// trauma///// tmi in general lol
Dumpling bb is seriously one of the sweetest and most authentic people I've ever met and I guess I have feelings for him????驴驴??驴?驴 but I don't know what those feelings are lol???? Like a little bit romantic but not fully??? But something beyond platonic friendship?? I don't even fucking know and it's stressing me oUT
Idk how to do this!!!! Dating is dumb!!! My intention is to get to know people and develop feelings and then get more physically intimate but......all tinder dates have involved some degree of sex, LMAO............... some I felt incredibly shitty about and regretted them bc I knew in my gut that I was not totally ok with it but I wanted the intimacy....blahblah guilt blabshblaahbsnlah using this as a form of self harm blahssblah trauma spiral.
As all tinder first dates go I was very anxious and guarded meeting dumpling bb and generally unsure/cautious/confused in the aftermath, which has been the usual. Even during our second get together when he was more physically affectionate I was anxious to the point of nausea. Holding hands in public felt weird, just touching in public was weird LMAO. I was more sure I truly enjoyed our time together but still had some lingering thoughts of caution and self-doubt.
But then we had hour-long phone convos and had an hour video call and left each other voice messages/memos and texted each other nearly every dayyYyYYYYyyyy and tHEN he visited me for like 24 hours just to have a 9 hour trip home, and I felt so unbelievably comfortable and at ease w him. I was comfortable enough to sleep next to him in my bed, which is something I still get nervous about with platonic friends lol. And it felt so nice!!!! To roll over and wrap an arm around someone!!!! I had forgotten......
I was comfortable enough to have sex and I felt content instead of anxious afterward!! He makes sure everything is consensual and is very open to talking about wants and boundaries, not just in sex but in any kind of contact. I started panicking and having a small anxiety attack in the middle of it and he just held me until I calmed down it was so.....sweet. It is incredible how much I trust him and how safe I feel with him.
And I've told him that I'm grateful to have met him and that he's important to me and that I trust him!!!!! And he values that and appreciates it but at the same time I think it scares him. I've said how I don't have expectations for ""us"" and I honestly don't, they're just tiny hopes that are unrealistic, and I've said as much (specifically: "I know nothing more concrete can happen").
But then I tried talking abt feelings and I think I fucked it up L O L. I was too scared to say that I have some kind of feelings for him, bc I don't want to scare him MORE and also I don't know exactly what they are yet either. I said that if he doesn't feel the same way about me, it's fine and doesn't change the way I feel abt him or view him. he said that wanting to see me is beyond just physical but he feels guilty for maybe using me only for physical needs and he just convinced me otherwise??? he is confuse so i am confuse???? And then when I try to ask for more info he says stuff like "but if you're ok with it then I'm ok with it" WHAT IS ""IT""? am I ok with interpreting this as a deep emotional connection while you don鈥檛 think of it that way???? and how can you be ok if you're feeling guilty??? Why can't you just be straightforward and just say you don't feel the same way abt me rather than only bringing up your self-doubt and making weird apologies?
I mean I guess I can pretty much infer how he feels. And now I feel naive and silly for putting so much trust into someone to not get the same in return. Firm stance that love isn鈥檛 transactional but.......it鈥檚 hard to not feel hurt when you love and give so much and don鈥檛 get back the same energy. I know I need to work on my boundaries but man. kokoro broki broki
Idk. I want romance and love and to feel emotionally wanted 馃様馃様馃挃馃挄馃
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BEANIE!!!
Floofty Friday!!! with Beanie!!! :)
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ppl leaving nice tags on my fob8 art wahwahhhh
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wahwahhhh but i already named the stand soemthing else
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Just heard you wanted flowers and pets!! Here's my two special girls 鈾♀櫋
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1648ec3463a7130d638dfe2db8ea8d89/0d364caa5c8d817c-30/s540x810/01940c482b928fbcb841ed94d6e15df9f5305b08.jpg)
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WAAAH WAHWAHHHH HIHIIIII I CAN SEE WHY THEY'RE SPECIAL THEY LOOK SO SWEET 馃ズ馃挅馃挅馃挅 ALSO OMG THOSE FLOWERS THEY'RE LIKE MY FAV THANK U SM!!!
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Ilysm??? I have never seen an artist like you,, your cutouts (I think that's what they are?)) Look so smooth canismoochone-- I've seen your art everywhere and I can't express my self enough you are the greatest human being alive,,,,,,.
aahhhh wahwahhhh thank you so much!!! 馃挄馃挄馃挄 im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for the longest timee aughhh
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I have all this time to work on my projects and no data to use. That's some shit.
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Thom Yorke - Skip Divided
As an added bonus to the previous post, here's the next song on his solo album The Eraser. I wanted to share this song but couldn't find a way to fit it into that post.
Which means more content.
Which is good? At least I hope so.
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I'm really bored but I don't want to do anything at all.
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