#vut i dont know how to word it

[roachemoji]

shout out to everyone who has trouble identifying their emotions. who struggle putting their thoughts into words. who have a hard time communicating what's wrong because their thoughts are more like abstract concepts than anything tangible. who take hours or even days to approach issues because you werent even aware you were upset to begin with, or even understood what was wrong.

[jatlokgwo]

aaaand i wake up to another round of do i really hate being called he/she prns or is it just that i hypergender them to myself when there uses for me and my experience with having gender is a bunchof rules that i hate 🎶🎶🎶🎶

[mx-post-stuffs]

You doing okay, friend? Your last few Bridget drawings have me a bit worried about ya.

My girlfriend and I both love your art, and are excited over every piece you make. ❤️

Thafs good. Im doing mg besg, i gry to be formal but uh i cang go on. I thank you for kibds worss. But i am not doig ojay. Im sure this will be fine if i just take a lobg rest. But i dont allow mgself to. Fof what, i deallh dont know why xant i hust let me rest. Thanks for nice words about you and your girlfriend. I will try to go on, i am not giving up. I have people i dont want them to cry. But im really rwally tired. Maybe if i look less aboug queer siscourae abs how evil i am acfually. I wilk be fine vut for now im reallg tiees. Im gonna regret this in 30 sdcond. But yeah im gonna be okayy i just have episdoes once in a while. I wish i had money, willpower. Or just, willpower. I wish i had willpower to do what is beneficial for me.

[tormod]

its 3 am oN christmas so of course i gotta just lay bare my insecurities like a Normal Person but holy fuck i am genuinely very greatful for my friends and their patience with me trying to articulate pretty much anything cause i know half my words come out jumbled and dumb and dont even fit what i want to say and i just i very much appreciate that

[zuffer-weird-girl]

This has been living in my head rent free so here we go, could I request a dabi x reader where just after the bakugo kidnapping when the hero’s come to rescue him, dabi does everything in his power to protect his s/o and their child from the hero’s? Please and thank you 🌱💕✨💜💛💖💖💞🌿🌿

You furrowed your eyebrows at the blonde teenager handcuffed in tge middle of the hide out as Dabi was beside you resting on the wall with an apparentoy bored look, vut by the corner of your eye you could see his gaze was actually on the baby on your arms resting peacefully, with no knows of the chaos that is around him.

Taiki. He had been born about three months ago... the scare you and your boyfriend now husband had when you discovered you were pregnant will mever be forgotten. How Dabi's jaw almost dropped and his usually bored turquoise eyes widened to the point it hurted the staples around it.

You honestly were astonished to discover your child had been born with bright red hair, identical of his fatger when he was a kid as well. The eyes were a pretty shade of blue as well reminding you of Dabi's flames even.

It was almost comical the aloof and uncaring rated B villain treat his little boy and you with such care and devotion. Imagine if anyone on the league discovered that Dabi, Touya, touched his son like he was made of glass and insited he sleeped with both of you on the bed so he could embrace this little family.

For once you felt Fabi was actually experiencing what a nornal family would be like. No arrangment marriage but an actuall relationship where both of sides loved each other, and a child born out of this love and not interest on something bigger.

Suddenly when Shigaraki gave the order to Kurogiri and compress to put Bakugou to sleep your eears pequed up steps and your pupils dilated at the fear, q voice sayong something about pizza as everyone deadpanned at it before your quirk acted up.

The heroes.

"SPINNER!" You shouted but the wall behind the lizard man blew up with the number hero shouting his iconic 'smash!'

Dabi's pupils contracted and grabbed your forearm pulling you and a now crying Taiki into his chest before both of you grunted at some tree thing caging you both.

"A tree?! What the hell-" you struggled to not suffocate your child and soon felt the sting of fire before the retired hero, Gran Torino appeared out of no where and kicked both of Dabi's and yours head.

Taiki wailed and you felt a sting on your head and only notice the drop of blood falling from your forehead and landing in on little baby's cheek.

"There is a baby in here?!" The tree hero exclaimed and with skills separated you lut of Dabi, somehow mantaining both of you still in his trap.

"Mind your own bussines." Dabi hissed in venom as you hold your boy with dear life as he cried more loudly.

"Did you villains kidnapped a teenager and a baby as well?" Edgeshot asked with an eyebrow arched up as you felt the tree branches move and try to take Taiki away from you.

"Fuck off!" You shouted at them and clinged to your son and feeling tears drop down from your eyes at the heroes trying to take away your son.

A ball of fire hitted the heroes as Dabi shouted an inhuman sound as you begged for the heroes to not take away the baby from your arms.

"STOP PLEASE! WE DIDN'T KIDNAPPED HIM!" You looked at the number one hero's eyes with waterfalls eyes "HE IS MINE! HE IS MY BABY PKEASE DONT TAKE HIM AWAY PLEASE!"

All might's eyebrows shot up and you saw the sympathy on his eyes and face before you cried shouted at Gran Torino for snatching your son away.

"Dont listen to her." The old man "Does this child even looked like this woman?"

"NO! PLEASE! GIVE HIM BACK! MY BABY! NO!"

You felt a burn on your arms and Dabi's eyes full of rage aiming at the elder and you tried to stop him from killing the hero but soon noticed gis quirk wasn't activated as Shigaraki let the Nomus out.

With a punch the elder almost dropped the baby but Dabi got the boy on his arms and soon ran towards you to grab you and pull you over his shoulder.

"Those damn fake heroes." He growled as you widened your eyes at the chaos.

"YOU IDIOT THAT WAS A DANGEROUS MOVE!" you punched his back as the baby giggled somehow at the situation.

"SO WHAT?! EXPECTED ME TO JUST LET THEM TAKE MY SON AND THE LIVE OF MY LIFE AWAY FROM ME?!" He shouted as your eyes widened at his words.

Ever since Touta became Dabi he never was one to demonstrate love towards words. But there he was. Shouting and scolding you for thinking that he could just sit there weakly and watch you being taken away as well as Taiki.

Dabi was a good man... he was just as pure as Taiki was once... due to being on a rather toxic envjroment he became the man he is from the surface... but that didn't mean the sweet and loveable actions of Touya were completely gone.

So his love for you wouldn't dissapear. Ever.

~

A/n: ahau2idkdown this sucked im so sorry

[sh33p1shh]

just a little tangent about him

his hair oh my god his hair it looks so soft. i wanna run my hands through his hair, play with it, braid it, put flowers in it. oh my god i just wanna mess with his hair. its so long and pretty.

his hands. AAAAA. /nsx his hands are so big but i just wanna hold it. i wanna paint his nails. i wanna trace my fingers along the lines on the back of his hand. i wanna play with his fingers, just randomly grab them and move them all around. i just wanna hold his hand all the time. i wanna hold his hand and drag him along everywhere i go.

his eyes. his eyes are like a blue, grey, green - ish color? i dont know how to explain it vut they're beautiful. i catch myself staring into his eyes when he talks and i always get lost in them to a point i forget to respond. i hate making eye contact but with him i could look into his eyes all day. they're beautiful. breathtaking.

his smile. its infectious. when he smiles, i smile.

his laugh. oh my god his laugh. his laugh is so special to me. i love nothing more than to make him laugh. the look on his face when he laughs makes every horrible thing i've gone through worth it. i'd do anything to see his smile and laugh all the time.

his lips. oh my goodness. his lips. i want to kiss them so bad. well- correction, i want him to kiss me. just thinking about his soft lips kissing mine makes fireworks go off in my head. i wanna straddle him and have our chests touching while i hold his face, kissing him like its the end of the world. i'd do anything in the world for him to kiss me.

his hugs. when he wraps his arms around me, i break. i break my facade of being okay and i melt in his arms. he makes me feel safe, like nothing else matters. nothing else matters but the way he holds me in his arms. i wanna hug him until the world ends.

the way he holds me at night. when im fast asleep but wake up from thunder or maybe just a small noise, he can almost immediately tell and immediately pull me to his chest, silently urging me to go back to bed.

just him. he is perfect. he is my everything. everything about him is so wonderful, breathtaking. there are no words to describe my love for him. i've never been so in love with a person.

[iwanttosetmybrainonfire]

Would anyone be interested in something like this? I've never written anything before and i dont really know how English punctuation works.

Basically it would be a pretty long fic in which may left neil at 11, he ends up in foster care, somehow meets renee through the gang (still working out the timelines), and basically becomes her unofficial little brother.

****************************************************

"Maman?"

"Maman, ich bin müde", when that only earns him a dirty look, he sighs.

"Maman?"

"It's mom" her tone is not soft, never soft, but she doesn't reach to scuff his head or pinch his leg for having mixed up his languages. He takes it as a good sign.

"Mom, I'm tired" he tries again, "I don't want to sleep in the car again, can't we find a motel or something?"

She's distracted again, she's been doing that a lot, lately. She's also been a lot more lenient, too. Usually, this kind of request was met with a backhanded slap, and the reminder to be grateful he's still able to breath, let alone whine. But today is not that kind of day, and David is not the type of kid not to take advantage of that.

"Mom? Please?"

"What?"

"Can we sleep in a bed today?"

She hums, "If we find one, sure"

Even if she's been granting an awful lot of his wishes in the last month, he doesn't dare ask if she means it, in case she changes her mind.

They sit in silence for a while. It's boring. He almost misses having to learn German. At least he could listen to the radio, back then. Then he remembers the beating he got when he failed to properly translate his thoughts and proceeded to make a blabbering fool of himself in public. It's boring, silence is boring, but it's safe. David rests his head on the window. He sleeps.

When he wakes up, his mother is still, her hands tight around the wheel, her gaze fixed on the airport's entrance.

"Abram",his first Truth,"What's your name?", She snaps

The response is immediate, "David Waltz"

"How old are you?

"12"

"Where are you from? What's the story?"

"I'm from X. I'm flying to England with my mother because my father opened a business overseas. He's already there, we're catching up to him."

These are not his first Lies, nor will they be the last, but he's a Liar at heart, so he lets himself imagine that they are Truth. The most believable lies, after all, are those that one believes to be true.

"Good, be good and never forget that. Don't look back, don't slow down, and don't trust anyone"

It's a mantra. It's what kept them alive for the past year and a half. It's the only truth he was allowed in way longer than that.

"Be anyone but yourself, and never be anyone for too long", they finish together.

They gather their stuff.

Airports are all pretty much the same. He's seen enough of them that he probably wouldn't even need to read the signs to know where to go. Still, his mother always gets really stressed, worrying about their fake IDs. The best was to not get overwhelmed, he's learned, is to sleep through most of it. That's why he doesn't bother to put up much of a fight when she tells him to take a nap, even if he woke up about an hour ago. They're sitting in a waiting area, the gaits nowhere near getting open, but there's a wall at his back and his mother by his side. That's enough, for now. He brings his duffel bag close to his chest and nods off again.

It's the sound of clothes shifting that wakes him. Someone is sitting next to him. It's not his mother.

A glance at the windows tells him it's early in the morning. A glance at the clock on the opposite walls confirms it's 4.23 am. The flight took off at 9:45 pm.

He stands. Trying to look as casual as possible, he scans the room. His mother is not here. But airports are huge, it's possible she just went to check something out, although it would be unlike her not to wake him.

Just as he's about to walk off, the old lady sitting in his mother's spot looks at him.

"Is something wrong, dear? Aren't you a bit young to be here alone?"

She seems worried.

He keeps looking. His palms are starting to sweat. It takes him a moment to realize she's talking to him.

"Uhm, no nothings wrong, I'm fine", she doesn't look convinced so he adds "Just, have you seen a woman here? This tall, black hair, duffel bag?"

She hasn't, she tells him so.

His palms are definitely sweating.

He excuses himself and rushes to the bathrooms, locks himself in a stall. It takes a few minutes to get his breathing under control, when he does he's sound of mind enough to look for something, anything that might lead to her.

He starts by his duffel bag. Nothing is evident, except the tags on his clothes are folded wrong. He keeps looking. He finds nothing.

He picks up his binder. It feels lighter. He opens it.

It looks the same, exy cutouts of the ravens,all evidence of his unhealthy obsession with Kevin Day and Riko Moriyama still intact. He checks in between pages. All his contacts are gone, no way for him to remember, since they were all written in code. Most of the money is gone, too. He could live on the few hundreds left for a few months, vut there's no way an eleven year-old could rent a place without being suspicious.

He checks frantically again each page.

He finds it.

'Be good'

The writing wasn't rushed. It looked normal. It was possible the note hadn't even been written recently. It certainly didn't seem so, the edges of the paper thinner, as if held for long.

His father's men hadn't found them. It wasn't code for "Hide, I'll find you when it's safe",not this time, if it wasn't already clear feom the way she took everything. Still, the words were written as if heavy, as if they held a deeper meaning he couldn't understand just yet, as if they weren't the most shallow of goodbyes.

She left him.

She hadn't run.

She left him.

That was the Truth.

[buffshua]

Vocal unit is SO GOOD they are also my fav unit lol. I love vocals.... all the vu songs..... just so good.... also Joshua and Vernon are hilarious lol. I love joshua hes so funny in such a subtle way. Who do u think is the funniest member? Or most entertaining? Yes!! The comeback omg that teaser tho!!! It looks like its gonna be sick it's so cool! And its v hype to watch lol. So dramatic feeling. Tho I've also only seen bits and pieces of dead poet society so I do not get the references lmao

omg i saw ur message and i was like ill do it later and then........ I NEVER DID IT 

but i did get ur messages and i love that you are better at keeping up with it more than me!!!

ugh im glad we are kin in loving the vocalists cause they are great!!! but yes i love josh’s humor cause of it’s subtlety. i think the funniest member is seungkwan tbh like i know thats an easy choice but like literally he really is, but honestly aside from being THE funniest boy he is so lovely and there was a post done by someone on here (i dont wanna tag them but when we do the real just remind me!!!!) and they just wax poetic about how empathetic seungkwan is and i cried!!! 

but omg the cb(????) teaser looks amazing they have such cool concepts but lmao i only get the references cause of what i see on tumblr and on memes and such vut i am interested to see what they are planning on doing

ok so on a previous message u asked me What is ur fav svt dynamic? and i think i love the dynamic as a whole, like i was recently watching them play the forbidden word game and i loved seeing how well they knew each other so they could clown each other. there was no difference in oldest vs younger it was just very open interactions and open affection and laughing and i love that dynamic with the boys. What about you?

also who is ur svt bias and a theme/color/wte you associate them with?

[dangoghz]

Write a fic about dan and phil and the babadook

oh god i knew this would happen —-A Ball-Badook by dangoghsWord count: 1850 (i hav no lif)A/N: WH Y,, also dan and phil basically go to a gay ball with the Babadook as their chauffeur/host. Also I have never seen the movie and I dont know whether he actually talks and if he does he probably doesnt have a Russian accent but uh oh well—-When it happened, it was 11:59 pm and Dan and Phil were having cuddles on the couch while watching a Lord of the Rings movie. Phil had his arm around Dan and they were very cozy, with a mound of blankets surrounding them and the faint voice of Gollum yapping about the ring. Phil was leaning in for a quick kiss when the clock struck twelve, and then…something magical happened. The TV turned to static. The windows opened on their own. Their blankets ruffled and the furniture shook.And then they watched as an odd black creature with a top hat flew in. No, not flew in. There was a rainbow going through their window, which it appeared to be walking on as if it was solid. How a rainbow was visible in the middle of the night, neither of the boys knew. The creature stepped off of the rainbow and onto the soft living room carpet. Dan and Phil were shaking more than the furniture was now. What was this thing? How did it get in here?The black creature had a pair of terrifying, round eyes, and a mouth of small teeth that was permanently open. Its hands were spindly and as black as the night sky. “Hyello, children. I am the Babadook.”The Babadook, the Babadook! What a horrific name. Dan quivered in fear and squeezed closer to Phil. “Why are you here?” Phil questioned, always calm, always collected. He was scared, but he wasn’t about to show it.“Do not wurry, my chiyuld. I am here only to delyiver you to my yearly ball.”“What ball?” Phil replied. Dan was clinging to his boyfriend and staring at the Babadook like it was an alien. Which it very well could’ve been, to be honest.“Vell, my yearly Ball-badook, of course! Come, children. Stand up,” the Babadook ordered, waving with its spidery hands. Dan and Phil were in too much shock to disobey it, and they reluctantly disentangled and got up from the soft couch, still holding each other in latched fingers. Suddenly, after the Babadook twitched its hands again, the air became a rainbow prism swirling around the boys. Red and yellow and blue swarmed in all directions, with beautiful sparkles in every corner of the living room.“Danyul, vut is yoor favoreet color?” the Babadook asked.“Uh-uh-black?”“You are lying. I can tell. It is obviously peenk, baby peenk. Color of squooshy baby bottom.”“WHAT? N-no-”“Dan? Is he right? I thought you hated pink,” Phil chimed in. “I-uh-”“Does not matter. Please stand very straight, Daniel, or else this will not vurk.”Dan quickly straightened his back in fear. The Babadook swished its finger and sparks flew deafeningly towards Dan’s torso. Phil’s boyfriend shouted over the roar of the magic, “WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?” Phil couldn’t see his boyfriend anymore as he was completely enveloped in swirling glitter. “AHHH!”“What are you doing to him? Is he hurt?” Phil demanded the Babadook. If this fugly thing had inflicted even the slightest paper cut on Dan, Phil would grab it by the neck and toss it out the window.“Yolki palki, I am just changing his clothes! He is very weak boy, can’t stand a leetle discomfort!” Changing his clothes? Was this Cinderella or something? Then the sparkles parted with Dan and Phil could see him again. Except, his pajamas were gone, replaced by a lavish pink suit with a bedazzled tie. “There we go!’ Said the Babadook. "You look fabulous!” Dan adjusted his tie, blushing heavily. “Th-thank you? How-” he articulated, but was interrupted by the all-business creature.“Now, you, Pheelip. You like blue, no?”“Yes,” Phil agreed.“Okee.” And then, the magical Babadook did its thing, and there stood Phil in a dapper blue tuxedo. He had a rainbow bow tie about his neck, a foil to Dan’s sparkly. Dan couldn’t look away, because the ensemble matched Phil’s eyes perfectly.“This is amazing! How did you do that? Wait, how do you know our names? For that matter, how did you find our address?” “Eet is secret. Now, we must go, or else you vill be late.” Dan and Phil looked at each other, overwhelmed by this glorious Babadook, but they were curious as to where it would lead them, so they simply follow the Babadook to the magic carpet-like rainbow waiting at the window. It took off the black top hat it had worn on its head and gestured to the rainbow like they were supposed to just step on it. “But how does it work? What if you are tricking us and it’s an illusion and then we will fall and die?” Dan inquired. He squinted at their herald with suspicion. Why would this monster thing deliver them to a ball?“Shut up. You are a gud child, the world tyells me that, but you also very annoyeeng. I like you-”-he flicked a finger at Phil again-“byetter. Daniel, do you want to go to ball or not? Styep onto the rainbow.” Dan surrendered. “Fine!” he huffed, and stepped on the translucent rainbow carpet that stretched across the sky. Phil hurried after him, and lastly the Babadook came, closing their window behind it. They only had a moment to look out on the London skyline before the rainbow, like it was being pulled in on the other end, rushed away from their apartment building. “WhOAAAA!” Dan and Phil screamed. The Babadook simply stood stoically on the red stripe of the magic ribbon rainbow, and glared at them. “Whiny children. You make a fuss of nothing,” it remarked, leaning onto a metal cane blacker than even its dark hat. Even though the ribbon was moving at lightning speed, the three of them weren’t even wobbling. It was akin to the movement you would experience in a high-tech sideways elevator. In a couple of minutes, the rainbow finally stopped.Dan and Phil looked away from the Babadook and gasped. Rainbow columns and glorious staircases stood all around them. Guests danced dressed as colorfully as the Babadook had wardrobed them. Buffets lined the halls, where bodacious cakes of different pride flag color schemes and pizza for all resided. A disco ball refracted colorful little specks on the walls of a ….. magnificent rainbow palace. “Vyelcome to my house. A haven for everyone in LGBTQ plooss community.”“It’s…beautiful,” Dan murmured, memorizing every inch of it. “Thyenk you. Enjoy the Ball-Badook.” And with that, the Babadook bound away. Dan and Phil were both relieved to be rid of its horrid face and direly unnerved from cluelessness. “Should we…mingle?” suggested Phil. They appeared to know none of the people, and the other guests were very preoccupied with their friends and partners. Dan scrunched his pink-clothed shoulders from intimidation. “I-uh-can we not? If this is only an annual thing, I don’t want to be so preoccupied with meeting new people that I don’t enjoy it with you.” Phil shyly beamed, for he didn’t actually want to talk to the crowd either and because his boyfriend was being cute. “Of course.” With that, he took Dan in his arms and pulled him to the dance floor, where “Love Someone” by The 1975 was playing. Dan was startled with Phil’s spontaneity. How did he amaze him every time?They slow danced for a few songs, bathing in the rainbow reflections and soft atmosphere. The night had been quite wacky so far, but now the couple fekt safe and peaceful. It didn’t do harm that each of them couldn’t stop looking at each other because of their lovely custom outfits. In that moment, they were just in love with no one else in the world, and Phil leaned in for a snog and Dan leaned in too, and their lips were almo-“HEY NOW! YOU’RE AN ALL-STAR!” The tranquility was short-lived, and the calm harmonies of “For Him.” by Troye Sivan were interrupted by All-Star and the Babadook’s wretched voice. Dan and Phil broke apart, shocked. The second time their moment had been interfered with by this thing!“HYELLO MY VUNDERFUL GUESTS! VYELCOME TO THE BALL-BADOOK! IT IS NOW TIME FOR A SHORT DJ SESSION OF MY ALTERNATE PERSONA, DJ DOOK!!” tne Babadook shouted over Smash Mouth. “HYERE IS MY BOYFRIEND, SHREK, THEME SONG! ENJOY OR I WEELL KYILL YOU!”Somehow, Dan and Phil were not surprised that the Babadook and Shrek were lovers. They just grumbled in annoyance for the loud music. How long was the DJ Dook going to play for?“We might as well dance!” Phil yelled, chuckling. He grabbed Dan’s hand and twirled him round. They danced through “I’m a Believer”, “Mambo no. 5”, “Ice Ice Baby”, “Friday”, and “Spooky Scary Skeletons” before they were finally ‘ryick rolled’ by the DJ Dook. As “Never Gonna Give You Up” came to an end, Phil offered to grab them some drinks. Dan applauded the Babadook for a playlist that was simultaneously iconic and irksome. Phil returned shortly with two margarita glasses of a rainbow liquid. The bubbles inside wibbled and wobbled with the faint movements of Phil’s palms. “I’ve never seen this before. What’s it called?” Dan asked.“It’s called 'Liquid Love’. The barwoman said it was crafted by the Bar-Badook, the Babadook’s other persona.”“Uh. Okay. Toast to the Babadook?”“Sure.” They clinked their glasses, making the drinks fizz shimmeringly, and took a gulp each. What they didn’t know was that Liquid Love affected your heart, not other organs. Every emotion in it would be multiplied in power by 666. For Dan and Phil’s hearts, which were already bursting a lot more than the average couple with both love and lust for each other, this was NOT a good idea. “Whoa. I suddenly feel…extra gay. Phil, wanna climb on that chandelier and make out?”“Me TOO! You look like the hottest man on earth right now, Dan. I love your pants. Can i have them? Like now. As well, I comply one hundred percent to your chandelier concept.”——–

When they woke up, it was noon, and the rainbow of the palace had vanished. So were their gorgeous suits. Dan lifted his eyelids first to feel the comfort of blankets and his old couch. Phil was drooling on his chest. “Phil,” he whispered. “Mmmm??” Phil snuggled even closer. “Phil, it’s morning, and I don’t remember anything past when we took those weird drinks. Do you recall?”There was no response, so Dan took a totoro pillow and whacked him with it. “PHIL!”Phil opened his own eyes and looked up at Dan. He yawned adorably and stretched, accidentally hitting Dan in the nose. “Mmm… just that I felt really infatuated with you.”Dan narrowed his eyes playfully. “But aren’t you always, babe?”“Yes, but like extra.”Dan laughed. Suddenly he noticed a pastel rainbow post it stuck onto the couch. Scrawling handwriting in black ink was spurted across it. “You are byest guests I have hyad in a vile. You owe me nyew chandyelier, but eet ok. Sincerely, Babadook.”

[bxckbcne]

dnt reb/l/og this thank you ahead of time ray and i were. a thing that was obvious he would snipe and i would slice with my knife we were connected thats why we called ourselves the r and r connection i mean. really but then he left and disappeared and i panicked i had so many fucking panic attacks and i dont remember if i hurt myself like. really purposefully because i missed him so much or i did it bc i hated myself for missing him jack was really the only person aware of all of it trevor too whenever he came by while geoff or lindsay were busy trevor had insomnia and i do did i so. we stayed up he worked on his computer in the living room and i cleaned my knives in my room he came in one night at like. 2am he asked me what caused my insomnia and i almost. immediately said /my eye in the sky/ but i didnt say anything i just. kept cleaning my knives i didnt have my mask off for months in front of anyone then jeremy showed up. trevor brought him and matt and andy and a few other people on the team while geoff was away and lindsay was busy with michael in jersey dealing with family affairs it was only jack gavin and i at the penthouse in the los santos city center. the first thing i even Noticed was his cowboy hat his stupid fucking cowboy hat and his purple blazer and his orange tank top and tan pants and cowboy boots he never took off his sunglasses kinda like how gavin never took off his shades either vut he was smiling and happy and he. sat with trevor and matt and andy in the living room as trevor explained their jobs and positions lil j, youre our sniper. our eye in the sky. i left the penthouse through my window and down a fire escape with my mask and my knife that ray gave me one christmas day that seens so far away now i left and went to mount chiliad and just. stayed at the top of the mountain for hours flipping my butterfly knife over and over and over again at one point i flipped it too soon and it landed against my fingers the blood from the cuts bloomed like roses to me as the sun set and i watched it drip onto the dirt below me i put the knife away. months and months had gone buy maybe even like two years before i finally was. comfortable around everyone again geoffs tattooed fist around the neck of a bottle of rum wasnt full of anger anymore unlike the last time je did that in front of me and smashed the bottle against the kitchen counter as i said something avout ray hes goddamn dead to me, and he better be fucking dead to you too, haywood! jacks words whispered into my ears during a panic attack on the porch outside the living room of the penthouse i dont remember if i was threatening to jump or not im sorry ryan, im so sorry. gavin rarely came over to me alone but tue one time he did i thought his shoes beside my legs as i sat on the roof near the helipad were rays i jolted and looked up at the golden boy above me and blinked my mask was on c'mon, rye, were going heisting! michael and lindsay tended to approach me together, michael full of anger about my attitude and lindsay full of worry about the same thing michael you cant just fuckin sulk around all day and all night about brownman, ryan. hes fucking gone and i know you miss him, but we miss him too. and lindsay you dont have to be silent about it, ryan. i know geoff gets angry but you dont have to hide all the time. you can talk to us about it. trevor came to me one night, maybe two or three years after all of this. after that night he leaned against my doorframe as i cleaned my butterfly knife the scars from the cuts along my fingers had long since healed. i thought about doing it again one day i didnt know brownman, but im sure he misses you just as much as you miss him. dont beat yourself up over this, vagabond. jeremy walked into my room one night and i told him to get out he didnt he made me sit on my bed and just. look at him i know im not your eye in the sky, but im the crews eye in the sky now. i know its not the same, but you have to trust me. everyone else does. what is it gonna take for you to trust me ? you to trust me.

[whoevenknowswithmedude]

Kenny smiled into the kiss and he smiled warmly flourishing under the reassurance that he was wanted. He hugged him back rubbing his hand over the others back. Ken licked his lips sighing at the others words. "I was. I still am. For wolves...actions speak louder than words. As dumb as it sounds I...I just need you to keep reassuring me that you aren't rejecting me. That...that you still want me despite being a wolf. It will take some time for my body to recover but I will be okay. Id be better if we had more skin to skin contact but i dont know how comfortable you'd be okay with that...I'd also feel a little better if you smelled like me again vut scenting might be a little much for you to handle. Its intimate and I've done it to you before but you didnt know what it was. Ya know....when I just spent time tracing you and kissing you softly in different spots and holding you breathing on you. That was me scenting you so other wolves didn't try to hurt you or take you." He said softly his face growing hot.

"Are you the alpha wolf?"

“No. If I was an Alpha you’d never see me ever. I’m a Beta. Which is the Alpha’s second in command. So..I haven’t actually been working three jobs. I work one and the rest is time I’m spending with the pack. It’s my duty to the Alpha….I’m sorry I’ve been lying to you this whole time. I just didn’t know if you’d still love me if you knew. The Alpha has been helping financially to help me make it seem like I’ve been getting paychecks even though I haven’t. I didn’t like it at first but he said it was his way of providing for his pack and I’m pack which also makes you pack too and it keeps us safe so….” Kenny paused to sigh looking away from Tweek. “I’m sorry…You’re my mate Tweek…My wolf hates hat I’ve been lying to you and..and I understand if you want to leave me.” He said his voice cracking at the thought. His wolf howled in protest at the thought and growled possessively within him and his eyes glowed an ice blue as he struggled to keep his wolf at bay.