#voltaire high fanfiction

[riaraa]

No Angels by bellarkyy on AO3

A Mixte 1963/Voltaire High fanfiction about Michèle Magnan and Joseph Descamps

Joseph becomes obsessed with Michèle after she is the reason for him losing his eye. But, instead of hating her in the way he expected, he is beyond attracted to her. She won't leave his mind no matter what he does. And as he witnesses her begin her journey of figuring out sexual pleasure, he is happy to insert himself and help her out.

Michèle is drawn to Descamps, has been since the moment she saw him. He is tall and broad and once he has the eyepatch on, his attractiveness becomes exponentially more. With being around so many boys, something about her has changed and she doesn't know how to describe it other than feeling hot all of the time. And, one boy in particular makes her feel like she is burning: Descamps. When he offers to help her discover what true pleasure is despite their past, she can't deny him.

[willcmsv]

Soft Launch - Alain Laubrac x Fem Reader (FR)

The story that follows is in French for my French Voltaire High's fans, English version is posted there!

Requested by @babydeersblog

Synopsis: Alain et toi aviez fait connaissance au début de l’année et aviez été associé à plusieurs travaux de groupes, ce qui a permis de faire évoluer votre relation au fur et à mesure. Cependant, après avoir été moqué lorsque tu as avoué des sentiments à un garçon, tu as décidé de les garder pour toi et de ne plus faire transparaître des traces d’amour. Mais Alain te fait malheureusement ressentir quelque chose que tu aimerais découvrir davantage.

Warnings: petits changements dans l'histoire de base.

Notes: n’hésitez pas à me recommander des idées de oneshots — j’écris en anglais et français!

Depuis le début de l’année, Alain et toi vous échangez des mots durant vos heures de cours. Tu as l’habitude de lui faire des petits dessins pendant qu’il t’écrit des citations ou des farces, dépendant de son humeur. Depuis son combat avec Joseph il y a quelques mois, tu es devenue la sorte d’ange gardien d’Alain, tu l’empêches de déraper et tu le défends lorsque tu en as l’occasion devant Joseph et ses amis.

Cependant, depuis ces dernières semaines, Joseph ne peut s’empêcher de vous taquiner en rappelant comment vous êtes proches et en assumant que vous vous aimez comme si cela était un jeu. Mais Joseph était comme ça. Tout était drôle pour lui et tout n’était pas grave.

Lorsque tu rentres à la maison les week-ends, tu as le droit à l'interrogatoire privé de ton frère Jean-Pierre, comme si les questions bidons de Joseph ne suffisaient pas. Pour Jean-Pierre, tu étais et resteras toujours sa petite sœur qu'il doit chérir et protéger. Il a arrêté de te voir grandir à l'âge de neuf ans.

"C'est qui Alain ?" Demanda Jean-Pierre la seconde où tu déposas ton pied à l'intérieur de ta maison.

"Un ami. Question suivante ?" Tu répondis.

Jean-Pierre fronça les sourcils. Pour lui, hors de question que tu sortes avec un garçon. Simone lui avait rappelé plusieurs fois que tu avais dix-sept ans et que tu étais assez grande pour avoir un copain, mais il était têtu et ne voulait rien savoir concernant ce sujet.

"Apparemment non, ce n'est pas ce que Joseph prétend dire."

"Joseph ! Tu le crois vraiment lui ?! C'est un idiot et il aime lancer des rumeurs sur tout ce qui bouge. Je te croyais plus intelligent…" Tu affirmas en attrapant un verre que tu remplis soigneusement d'eau.

Après ton échange avec ton frère, tu te dirigeas vers ta chambre et découvre une lettre déposée sur ton lit. Elle est signée A.L.

Tu as reconnu tout de suite l'écriture de l'expéditeur et ses phrases toujours si originales que captivantes. Tu ne pus t'empêcher de sourire à chacune de ses lettres, à chacun de ses mots, de ses actions. Mais bien que cela devrait te rendre heureuse, au contraire, cela t'angoissait.

Chaque soir avant de dormir, tu réfléchissais à ce que tu voulais vraiment. Tu avais deux choix qui se présentaient à toi : lui avouer tes sentiments et risquer de te faire humilier comme auparavant, ou les garder secrets et peut-être perdre l'amour de ta vie.

L'amour de ta vie, c'est peut-être un grand mot.

Le lundi matin, après avoir quitté ton domicile, tu arrivas au lycée un peu plus tôt. Tu espérais surtout voir Alain.

"Matinale." Une voix masculine t'interpella.

Sans même te retourner, tu pus reconnaitre cette voix entre cents, même si ce n'était pas réjouissant pour toi.

"Joseph, qu'est-ce que tu me veux encore ?"

"Qu'est-ce que je te veux ? Qu'est-ce que tu me veux plutôt."

Tu leva ton sourcil, lançant inconsciemment un regard noir à Joseph.

"Même si le lycée ne me connait pas encore sous ce nom, je suis ravi de me présenter, Joseph le Cupidon." Il se baissa en mimant une révérence.

"Joseph le quoi ?!" Tu pouffas de rire à cette nouvelle imprévisible. "Tu te moques de moi, c'est ça ?"

"Est-ce que j'en ai l'air ?"

Mon sourire s'effaça immédiatement de mon visage lorsque je compris qu'en effet, il était complètement sérieux. Mais Joseph, sérieux ou non, n'est pas quelqu'un de confiance.

"Va te chercher un autre client." Tu répondis en tournant les talons.

"Tu n'as pas envie de savoir ce que ton cher Alain pense de toi ?" Un sourire narquois se forma sur les lèvres du blond.

"Pas forcément, et sûrement pas grâce à ton aide." Tu déclares.

"C’est dommage, je connais beaucoup de choses à son sujet et des choses qui pourraient t’intéresser-" Joseph s’arrêta dans sa phrase lorsque Alain arriva.

"Ça va Y/n ? Joseph…" Alain lança un coup d’œil confus à Joseph. "On peut déjà se préparer à aller en cours, t’en dis quoi ?"

Tu acquiesces et tous les deux partirent jusque dans les couloirs. Alain s’adossa au mur.

"Si Joseph t’embête, dis-le-moi."

"C’est Joseph, il est comme ça." Tu déclares.

Alain baissa son regard, comme s'il était contrarié, et contrarié par ce qui venait de se passer.

Lors du premier cours de la journée, tu ne pouvais t’empêcher de jeter de nombreux coups d’œil à Alain qui paraissait tellement concentré sur le cours. Tu étais aussi concentrée sur lui que lui sur son cours que tu ne te rendais pas compte que son regard était maintenant tourné vers toi.

Ses yeux bleus étaient encrés sur toi. Il ne bougea même pas lorsque ton regard rencontra le sien. Tes joues prirent soudainement une teinte de rose pendant qu’un sourire narquois se dessina sur le visage d’Alain.

À la sortie des cours, tu croises à nouveau la route de Joseph qui te supplia de t’accompagner jusqu’à chez toi puisque vous habitez près l’un de l’autre.

Alain, qui marchait quelques mètres plus loin, a pu apercevoir ta silhouette et celle de Joseph marcher côte à côte. Il ne put s’empêcher de ressentir de la jalousie. Pourquoi Joseph était-il toujours obligé d’être avec toi alors qu’il rêvait seulement d’être à sa place.

***

Le lendemain, Alain et toi aviez un travail de science à terminer, un travail qui t’obligeait à travailler pendant une durée indéfinie avec lui. Tu te réjouissais déjà d’avance de te retrouver avec lui, mais bizarrement, tu ressentais de la pression, comme si cela allait mal se passer.

Tu marches rapidement vers la salle de science en apercevant Alain qui était déjà assis sur une chaise au fond de la salle.

"Je suis en retard ?" Tu demandas.

"On va plutôt dire que je suis en avance." Alain te sourit avant de te tirer une chaise.

Le travail avança plus rapidement que prévu, tous les deux étiez concentrés, mais prenaient quelques poses afin de discuter de choses plus divertissantes et amusantes que les cours de sciences.

"Toi et Joseph, il y a…" Alain commença.

Tu écarquillas les yeux avant de répondre.

"Non, non ! C’est seulement un ami, il ne m’intéresse pas." Tu t’empressas de répondre.

Alain lança un coup d’œil à son cahier sans dire un mot, comme si ta réponse ne lui convenait pas.

Ses doigts tenaient fortement son crayon avec lequel il gribouillait dans le coin de son cahier.

Tes yeux parcouraient tout son visage, de ses boucles brunes jusqu'aux courbes fines de sa mâchoire.

"Ça ne va pas ?" Tu demandas finalement.

Les yeux d’Alain se fixèrent une nouvelle fois sur toi. Ils descendirent jusqu’à tes lèvres avant de remonter à tes yeux. Bien qu’il ne parlait pas, son regard en dévoilait tellement plus.

Tes battements de cœur s’accélèrent et tes lèvres te démangeaient de l’envie de l’embrasser.

Son visage se rapprocha doucement du tien, ton cœur manqua presque un battement.

"Ça bosse dur ?" Une voix masculine lâcha.

Alain et toi vous retournez en un sursaut avant d’apercevoir Joseph dans l’embrasure de la porte. Il te souriait de manière espiègle comme s'il avait fait ça exprès. Et tu étais sûre que c’était le cas.

"Je vais te laisser, Y/n. On se remet en commun demain." Alain remballa ses affaires et te lança un bref sourire avant de s’en aller, frôlant légèrement Joseph.

"Ça t’amuse ?!" Tu déclares.

"J’ai cru que tu n’étais pas intéressée ?" Un sourire narquois apparut sur les lèvres de Joseph.

***

L'après-midi, tu t'étais rendue à l'infirmerie pour prendre des médicaments pour soigner ton mal de ventre irrépressible. Avant que tu puisses à nouveau enfiler ton gilet, la porte s'ouvrit sur Alain.

"Hey..."

"Je- Je ne pensais pas voir quelqu'un ici à cette heure." Il affirma.

Son nez saignait légèrement et tu pouvais remarquer du sang sur ses phalanges.

"Tu t'es battu ?" Tu demandas directement.

Il ne répondit pas, ses lèvres se pincèrent et il détourna le regard. Des fois, le silence est plus fort que les mots.

Tu mouillas un coton avant d'attraper doucement sa main pour la désinfecter.

"C'était pas moi… Je n'ai pas commencé." Il murmura.

"C'est trop simple de dire ça à chaque fois, Alain."

Il inspira et expira un 'oui' silencieux et serra les dents lorsque tu appuyais sur sa plaie.

La proximité entre vous deux te permettait d'entendre les battements de son cœur et de sentir son regard sur toi pendant que tu désinfectais soigneusement sa blessure.

En déposant le coton sur la table à côté de vous, tu sentis la main immobile d'Alain frôler légèrement ta cuisse lorsque tu te déplaças.

Tu mordilles ta lèvre pour dissimuler ta préoccupation. Chacun de ses mouvements, de ses regards ou de ses mots te procurait toujours une sensation qui était impossible à décrire.

Il était devenu de plus en plus compliqué pour toi d'assumer tes sentiments sans toujours imaginer le pire. Cependant, tu voulais que ça marche avec Alain. Tu sentais toujours des papillons dans ton ventre lorsque tu le voyais te sourire dans la cour, ou lorsqu'il dissimulait des lettres dans ton sac. Sans compter les fois où tu pouvais croiser son chemin, comme dans l'infirmerie par exemple.

Tout te menait à lui et tu ressentais quelque chose de différent, quelque chose de captivant.

***

Le lendemain, après la fin des cours, Alain t’avait invité pour faire un tour en ville. Au début, vous marchiez en silence. Tes interactions avec lui n’étaient jamais aussi gênantes, et l’ambiance était presque pesante actuellement.

"Désolée pour hier…"

Alain tourna sa tête, presque étonné que tu t’excuses.

"Ce n’est pas ta faute." Il répondit brièvement.

Tu te mordais les lèvres, tu ne savais pas comment rendre l’ambiance plus joyeuse ou seulement moins morbide.

"Joseph est-" Tu commences avant de te faire interrompre par Alain.

"C’est toujours Joseph, Y/n. Sauf que Joseph prend un malin plaisir à t'embêter, je le remarque très bien. Il faut que tu l'ignores, parce qu'il ne va pas s'arrêter si rapidement. Alors arrange toi pour qu’il arrête, ou je vais m’en occuper moi-même."

Lorsqu’il finit de s’exprimer, tu n'as pu t’empêcher de sortir un court ‘non’ de ta bouche. Tu ne voulais pas qu’ils s’en prennent aux mains comme toujours.

Tu attrapes son bras pour le pousser légèrement vers toi. Soit tu attendais et tu risquais peut-être que la situation dégénère ou se finisse autrement que prévu, soit tu prenais ton courage à deux mains.

Alain te regardait de nouveau avec un regard rempli de désir. Tu ne savais pas ce que ce regard voulait exactement dire, mais bien que tu ne veuilles pas te tourner des films, il n’était en aucun cas amical.

"J’aimerais t’avoir à moi pour une fois… pour pouvoir agir sans que quelqu’un me coupe à chaque fois…" Alain affirma.

Vous arrivez dans une petite ruelle. Vous marchez de plus en plus lentement et vos corps se rapprochaient au fur et à mesure que vous avancez, jusqu'à ce que vos mains se frôlèrent à plusieurs reprises.

Vos deux regards se croisèrent lorsque vous sentez la main de l’autre. Alain s’avança devant toi et s’arrêta soudainement, ce qui mena à ton arrêt à toi aussi.

"Y/n, j'aimerais tellement que tu sois plus confiante, tu es jolie et intelligente. Ne te cache pas et ne te laisse pas marcher dessus par qui que ce soit."

Tes sourcils se levèrent lorsque tu entendis ses mots. Tes joues devinrent immédiatement rouges malgré le fait que tu essayais de les cacher.

Alain se pencha lentement vers toi, sa main se tendait vers ton bras. Il n’osait pas la poser autre part et attendait surtout une réponse de ta part pour le faire. Ses yeux se baissèrent de nouveau vers tes lèvres. Cependant, cette fois-ci, il ne détourna pas le regard. Malgré l’hésitation, il posa enfin ses lèvres sur les tiennes et tu répondis immédiatement au baiser. Ses lèvres douces s’appuyèrent contre les tiennes et bougeaient à la même allure que les tiennes.

Quelques secondes plus tard, vous reculez tous les deux vos visages et vous regardèrent dans les yeux avant qu’Alain t’affiche un sourire doux.

"Je n’aurais pas pensé faire ça ici… mais c’est même mieux." Il sourit et posa enfin une main sur ta taille.

Tu fus prise par les émotions et atteins à nouveau ses lèvres pour l’embrasser. Il appuya fermement sur ta taille en même temps que ses lèvres s’enfoncèrent dans les tiennes.

Sa respiration chaude soufflait contre ta peau et tu la sentais s’accélérer doucement.

Tu sentis ses lèvres former un sourire contre les tiennes et tu ne pus t'empêcher de sourire à ton tour.

De nouveau, tu sentais comme une sensation de flottement dans ton estomac. Sa main qui caressait tendrement ta taille et les mouvements de vos lèvres les unes contre les autres ne faisaient qu'empirer ton cas.

Cependant, ce que tu ne pouvais pas savoir était que du côté d'Alain, des tonnes d'émotions et de sensations envahissaient également son corps et faisait palpiter son cœur en rythme avec les battements du tien.

1758 mots.

[girlystories]

my other works aside, bittersweet and l'appel du vide, ive been thinking of writing a joseph descamps x reader from mixte 1963... sadly there aren't many people into this show, so i wonder if anyone would like a work about it.

[visndcaitswhore]

I have written a chapter for a fanfic for Mixte1963/ Voltaire High. Yeah, its for Joseph Descamps I'm a basic bitch. But idk if anyone would be interested in it???? Should i release it?

[villain-connoisseur]

so I caved in and created a Mixte1963/Voltaire High character and story. It's focused on her and Jean-Pierre because he was the first one who caught my eye when it blew up on TikTok haha. I binged the series last night and I wish they didn't cancel it :')))))))

do I dare publish/release it?

[idontlikemonday]

Something I think is funny is that in a lot of fanfictions I read, Descamps is 18/19.

In the show, he is in 10th grade (the first year of high school in France), so he is 15/16.

I don’t know if it’s just a mistake made because of course the actor is older or if the character is aged up to not make it to weird for the people reading it.

[mastermasterlist1p1]

Stuff i like

Anyone has some good stories without the smut? I don't care about the fandom

Whump :

[tw choking, manhandling, captivity, stockholm syndrome, masochistic whumpee]

Vampire x human whumpee (A centuries old vampire takes in a mortal bloodbag as a gift from his maker. )

some Stockholm

what's best

giving information

Two Weeks of Whump Masterpost

The Scry Masterlist

Clove Masterlist

The Scry

🩸 Kane & Jim Masterlist🩸

Blood catalase

----------------------------------------------------

old bones

The Promise

White moves first pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5

Bruises

----------------------------------------------------

JJK :

defiance masterlist | king!sukuna x servant!reader by @yenayaps

moments in twilight (sukuna basically in love)

Yuuta x reader (basically yuuta is like a yandere but reader is okay with it, literally the best one I've read I LOVE IT)

Haunted (toji x reader)

synopsis in which satoru really needed to start reading the gc more often. solves a lot.

tell me about love (show me how) | gojo satoru

❝ 𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐄𝐌𝐎 𝐁𝐎𝐘! ❞

❝ PROF. GETO'S CLASS IS SO HARD, BUT HE'S SO HOT!! ❞. Pt.2

AURORA BOREALIS GREEN

Bad Habit (hitman!tōji fushiguro x reader | 17k) (this THIS 😻😻😻)

Say yes to heaven (gojo)

Beat of my heart pt.2 (college au - drummer! gojo x psychology major! reader)

Shameless (king to be gojo x f! Servant)

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 ! (Gojo)

Taking what's not yours (bully gojo) masterlist pt.1

Jjk fanfics

𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞!𝐠𝐨𝐣𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

----------------------------------------------------

Hero, villain and stuff :

Protective ( villain x villain stuff, Supervillain swoops in to help them out of their misery )

Hero x villain (hero has wings and she's basically a monster)

Some romantic hero x villain 😏

Hero x medic

Bodily Responses

"I love you."

Hero got amnesia

Mutually Assured Destruction (DAAMAMMMNNNNN EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ IT)

Hero has amnesia from an injury Villain caused. Guilty, Villain took them in until their memory returns

A Good Roommate Is Hard To Find pt.2 pt.3 pt.4

Kidnapped by the Boss pt.6

First meeting (dork villain and hero)

Sweet dreams : pt.1 pt.10

----------------------------------------------------

Masterlists :

@treasuringizu masterlist

Watercolorfreckles masterlist

Masterlist of oddsconvert (whumpee stuff)

Masterlist of thepenultimatword

Jazz's Master List

Neptunsopening

arealphrooblem masterlist

im-a-wonderling's masterlist

treasuringizu's masterlist

----------------------------------------------------

Mixte1963 :

Joseph Descamps x Michel pt.2 pt.3 (it's on Ao3 ) A Mixte 1963/Voltaire High fanfiction about Michèle Magnan and Joseph Descamps

Joseph Descamps x reader

I don't know

----------------------------------------------------

BNHA :

Deku × reader (ok so deku is a pro hero famous and stuff but he's lonely and needs a partner, meets reader and decides to date her but reader is a thief. I won't die peacefully unless there's a pt 2)

Katsuki x reader (divorced, it's Christmas)

He hadn't meant to fall in love. (Katsuki x reader)

Shigaraki being touched starved

Love like a ghost (shigaraki x reader)

Yandere Vampire!Shoto x Human!reader

Touya x reader

vitality : pt.1

Accidental Boyfriend (tomura x reader)

----------------------------------------------------

Denji with a Codependent gf!

.

Some stuff I didn't read yet

Hmm1

Hmm2

"creature of myth."

[greypetrel]

Some spoilers from a person trained in literary criticism, after opening youtube and cringing hard at the title of a video and it had me screeching in annoyance at people who thinks consuming a lot of fiction automatically makes you a Literary Critic, and that will mix personal taste with objective truth.

A long, rantful tirade under the cut that I may or may not delete later.

ALL art is derivative. Or at least, Literature surely is. The great breakthroughs are so because they refused some conventions. Meaning that they had those conventions in mind and actively chose not to follow them. They're still derivative. Using "Fanfiction" as a slur is perfectly pointless and not that slur you think it could be, and "originality" is not something we should praise so much and looks so much to... Not if we don't want to be disappointed. Nothing is truely original in art, not in the "Never done before" way (one could argue that early cinema was original? Oh sure, as a mean of expression! But take a moment and consider "People travelling to the moon" as a theme in literature. I can trace it back at the II century AD, and I wouldn't be surprised if the theme came up before that in other cultures I am not so knowledgeable of. Méliès' Voyage dans la Lune is original in execution because cinema was new... As for the story? Still derivative!

The concept of "Mary Sue" as a slur should die. Really. Stop. That type of character may not speak to you and that's very valid, it's your right in not liking it! still doesn't make it objectively bad or evil, or something to despise. Two people will read the same book in two different ways. That's the beauty of literature: it's not high school math which has a right and a wrong answer. Literature and Humanities work in shades of grey. If some people need to have a main character that's clumsy, that's beautiful but very unsure of herself, that's important to the story, so they can identify themselves in her and maybe gain some more trust in themselves, what's wrong? There's nothing wrong in liking, in needing a Mary Sue, and there's equally nothing wrong in disliking her. It's just a matter of taste and of the right moment you read her. I read Twilight in three days because by that time I WAS clumsy and unsure of myself, I WAS just in high school after years of middle school being bullied. I could relate to Bella, and it felt nice, at 14, to see that even if you can't stand on your feet for more than 10 minutes, you can still live adventures and be loved. I stopped reading the saga because the "Edward dumped me and I stopped living" didn't resonate with me at all, and I didn't go further in my reading. Years of Liceo Classico and Academies got me hating Twilight because EEEEEW BELLA IS A MARY SUE EEEEEEW. That's bullshit.

Personal taste =/= Judgement over how good or bad is a book. I am sorry to relate this to you, but no, reading a lot of fiction doesn't make you a literary critic. Because good literary criticism takes the context into account to judge a book. You can't separate a book from its context, particularly when you're talking about classics, but also talking about modern books. Because no author lives in a bubble and doesn't act influenced by the society they live in. There are objective parameters to judge a book! But beside the fact that most authors played around it, and that those parameters are also HIGHLY depending on the context we're in (just as an example: Shakespeare was HIGLY unpopular in XVIII century Enlightment criticism. Voltaire hated the guts out of him and didn't consider him a good playwriter... Because Shakespeare didn't follow the Ancient Greek/Roman theatre criteria that the Enlightment preferred. That's just it. So you see, criteria vary too with the historical context. A book celebrated today may not be celebrated tomorrow.). But: you can like and dislike Classics. It's ok. It's normal. You have a personal taste, and the fact that a book has some objective value that makes it a classic and makes the book worth studying is totally separated from your personal taste and should always be kept separate. I majored in English Literature: I know that Dickens is a hugely important author, I know why he is and why he's in literature history books, why we study him and with reason. It doesn't change that I find Dickens' books terribly boring, they don't speak to me, they're out of my taste and preferences. Hard Times was probably the only book in my uni I couldn't bring myself to finish and read the summary on Wikipedia of. I tried, it isn't for me. I still think they should be studied in school, because they're very important for their period, and hugely useful to understand Victorian mentality and context.

That's it, welcome to my TED talk, I'm sorry for the tirade but I opened Youtube and there was a video titled "Is Rings of Power Galadriel a Mary Sue??" which had me fuming from my ears.

What if she is? Who cares? Just say you didn't like the show, that you imagined Galadriel in a different way and that's it. Don't deminish people who on the other hand liked her.

I promise, you can write your opinion of a book/show/media as just your personal opinion and impression. I swear it's fine, anyone who studied Literature would know that criticism is just that and doesn't mean much, that you can like a movie that's technically bad and dislike a movie that's technically great and that's perfectly fine and valid.

You don't need to make it an universal experience and an objective truth to be entitled to your opinion. Good taste is overestimated anyway. Embrace the trash. You're not a better person if you only like critically acclaimed stories, believe me, it took me years to realise it.

But still, if you want to write some proper criticism... Context is essential. Otherwise you read Jane Austen and you think she wrote romances. Which she didn't. She was a social satyrist and a terribly brilliant one. We just read her out of her context, we have lost the parameters to grasp the criticism because we live in a different society. The romance is all that's left. You can read Pride and Prejudice just as a love story... But if you want to write a critic essay over it, you can't treat it as such. You can say "I liked the romance plot the best!" and still say it's a brilliant satyre. But you have to know it's satyre.

[dragonsruby]

Logic:  You can’t make a good Mozenrath playlist! Most of the info you have on his character is based off of single lines or fan interpretations!

Me:  Haha continuous emo phase go brrrrrrr

Here's the Spotify link if anyone wants to view what I've got or edit it!

Under the line is the list of songs I think go with Mozey's character or general aesthetic and their YouTube lyrics links, along with occasional personal explanations, since I enjoy seeing those in others' playlists. Feel free to dispute or add on! ...Beware. It's long.

Emperor's New Clothes - Panic! At The Disco

When You're Evil - Voltaire

Dark Matter - Les Friction

Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier (This reminds me of The DVD Fairy's concept for a Mozenrath story in Once Upon A Time. The whole concept of Moze seeing himself as the embodiment of magic serving a dark purpose is fascinating!)

In The Woods Somewhere - Hozier (Another fanfiction, but this song feels so much like Antiphony!)

Castle - Halsey (C'mon, this could practically be his villain song!)

Let Me In - The Unseen Guest ("And sometimes in the night, you answer the phone, and they breathe down the line just to see if you're home...")

Die In A Fire - The Living Tombstone (Yeah, yeah, I know, but you KNOW this is going through his head through 90% of his episodes)

The Devil Within - Digital Daggers

God Syndrome - Madame Macabre ("Don't play God, you're no deity!" "Who, pray tell, would try and stop me?!")

COPYCAT - Billie Eilish

My Way - Chase Holfelder (Oh gosh, I LOVE this interpretation of the song! Mozenrath sees how little time he has left, reflects on what he's accomplished up until now, and decides to go out on a bang! Of course, the original song by Frank Sinatra would go as well!)

Tag, You're It - Melanie Martinez (Side note, did anyone else notice as a kid that Moze kidnapped/imprisoned a major character, usually Aladdin, almost every episode he appeared in? That's what drew me to the show in the first place; I had never seen a male villain imprison a male hero that often. ...Don't read too far into that.)

Milk and Cookies - Melanie Martinez

Outrunning Karma - Alec Benjamin (If I had any art skills, I would make an animatic of Moze with this song SO FAST...)

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller (Trigger warning for lyrical mentions of domestic/mental abuse. The song is heavy. "It's pathetic, I know, a jealous fool who won't let go. If I were sorry for my actions would I ever stoop so low?")

The Wolf - SIAMÉS

Phantom - NateWantsToBattle ("There ain't nothing to debate. Blow this purgatory state. The city lights will drown you out in the exposure.")

Villainous Thing - Shayfer James

Choke - I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME (Yay, murder!)

Necromancin Dancin - Bear Ghost (I need a good excuse to add this one because I love this song. It's about a necromancer and it's PERFECT.)

High Enough - K.Flay

Kamikazee - MISSIO ("I want money and power and champagne and fame. I want money and power. My black heart's to blame!")

Twisted - MISSIO ("I'm uncontrollable, emotional, chaotically proportional, I'm visceral, reloadable, I'm crazy...")

Everybody Gets High - MISSIO ("Everybody gets high, why the hell can't I?")

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing - Set It Off

Kill The Lights - Set It Off

Paranoid Android - Radiohead

Ysma's Song - Jonathan Young (or the original by the late and great Eartha Kitt!)

Believer - Imagine Dragons

Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine - The Killers

Sweet Tooth - Scott Helman ("I hold hands with cosmic entities. I'll take this tube out if I please!")

Burned - Grace VanderWaal

Who Will Save You Now - Les Friction

Everybody Knows - Sigrid

Kicks - Barns Courtney ("Oh, diamond deeds, a minimal variety. I'll play until my fingers bleed. I'll never lack the quality.")

Glitter and Gold - Barns Courtney

Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea - MISSIO

Victorious - Panic! At The Disco

The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy

Colors - Halsey

Yellow Flicker Beat - Lorde ("I've got my fingers laced together and I've made a little prison and I'm locking up anyone who ever laid a finger on me. This is the start of how it all ever ends. They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.")

Let’s Kill Tonight - Panic! At The Disco

The Haunting - Set It Off ("Catch a lover, turn an enemy just to watch them burn alive!")

Don’t Mess With Me - temposhark

Little Game - Benny

Animal Impulses - IAMX

Blood - End Credits - My Chemical Romance

Another Way Out - Hollywood Undead

Mama - My Chemical Romance

I’m Only Joking - KONGOS

Brand New Day - Neil Patrick Harris

Slipping - Neil Patrick Harris

Pretty Little Head - Eliza Rickman

I Can’t Decide - Scissor Sisters

Bird Song - Florence + The Machine

Hell to Your Doorstep - Thomas Borchert

Look What You Made Me Do - Jack Leopards & The Dolphin Club (or any singer, really)

you should see me in a crown - Billie Eilish

Dead! - My Chemical Romance

The Hearse Song - Rusty Cage

Undead Lullaby - JT Music ("Bliss and pain, health and blight. I feel disparity preparing me to die.")

Dark Souls - Acoustic Mix - JT Music

Body - Mother Mother

HVY MTL DRMR - Des Rocs ("Rage like Eve in the garden. Oh, the sweetest fruit you could bear! When the riptide's dragging you under, are you gonna drown?")

Blood In The Cut - K.Flay

Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People

Ashes - NateWantsToBattle

Mad Hatter - Melanie Martinez

Turn the Lights Off - Tally Hall (Another one I would love to see or make an animatic of!)

Sirens - Bear Ghost

Rewrite - Darling Thieves

The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning - The Smashing Pumpkins ("And in your darkest hour, I hold secret's flame. We can watch the world devoured in its pain.")

Hellfire - Barns Courtney

Fire - Barns Courtney

Natural - Imagine Dragons

System - Chester Bennington

Oops! ...I Did It Again! - Britney Spears

The Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco

[onehalfshrimp]

Aufträge; one-shots, Zeichnungen, Skizzen; möchte mich im Schreiben und Zeichnen verbessern

Hallo, ich bin Shrimp und bin jetzt schon länger auf tumblr unterwegs. Ohne irgendwelche content zu posten.

Habe hier oft nur gelesen, mich in Memes und Zeichnungen und Fanfiction gewälzt ohne selber kreativ etwas zu veröffentlichen.

Da ich oft unglaublich Faul bin oder mir Ideen fehlen, werde ich meine Requests öffnen und Aufträge annehmen.

Geschichten, Zeichnen oder Skizzen... Was euch so einfällt.

Meine Kunst ist nicht die beste, aber möchte natürlich besser werden.

Es wird ein paar Regelungen geben, was ich Zeichnen oder Schreiben kann und was halt nicht.

Gemeint, etwas zu Game Of Thrones schreiben kann ich nicht, weil ich die Serie nie geschaut habe.

Zeichnen wiederum ist etwas anderes.

Aber bitte erwartet von mir nicht, dass ich ein riesiges Meisterwerk zeichne, bin noch Anfänger und bei meinen digitalen Werken handelt es sich meist um simple Motive.

(Werde diese Liste immer aktualisiere, sollte mir etwas weiteres einfallen oder eine Änderung eintreten)

one-shots:

für welche Fandoms ich schreiben kann:

-Doctor Who (new Who meant)

-Marvel

•Avengers

•Loki

•Ant-Man

•Guardians of the Galaxy

•Spider-Man

-The Walking Dead (main series)

-Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

-Stranger Things

-Gotham (bin aber erst bei Staffel 3 oder so I believe)

-Supernatural

-Mixte 1963/ Voltaire High (kennt glaube ich kaum jemand)

(-Sherlock)

(-Prison Break)

-American Gods

-Arcane

(es gibt noch mehr Fandoms die ich kenne, mir fällt allerdings gerade nicht so viel ein)

-verschiedene Anime, die mir auf der Stelle aber auch nicht einfallen

•Naruto

•Haikyuu

•Hunter x Hunter

was ich nicht schreiben werde:

-Romantisierung von Missbrauch

-explizite sexuelle Beschreibungen (Smuts I'm looking at you... habe null Erfahrung so etwas zu schreiben)

-sexuelle Umschreibung mit minderjährigen (erklärt sich von alleine)

-kinks

(vieles hiervon bezieht sich auch auf das Zeichnen)

Zeichnen/ Skizzen:

was ich nicht zeichnen werde:

-look above

-komplette Comics

-riesige Wandgemälde

-Tiere, kann sowas null zeichnen, kann es natürlich versuchen aber garantiere nichts

-nsfw (meant porn and such)

-hardcore gore

Was zeichne ich so, damit man sich ein Bild von mir machen kann:

-viele eigene Charaktere

-Naruto ocs

-BNHA ocs

-Figuren aus Filmen, Serien und Büchern die ich mag...

Oof meine Erklärungen sind echt bescheiden....

Habe so etwas noch nie gemacht, also sry im Voraus lmao

[riaraa]

Chapter 3 of my Michèle Magnan/Joseph Descamps story No Angels is live on AO3!

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | my ao3

Now, he really wants to kiss her. To touch her and taste her brazenly. Instead, he clears his throat and shoves his hands in his pocket so he doesn’t crash their mouths together in public.

It’ll all be worth the wait. There is no greater satisfaction than delayed gratification.

“See you next week?” He asks instead.

She nods before spinning away and walking quickly down the street. As she turns the corner and is out of his sight, he feels the urge to go after her—he hates to see her go.

[willcmsv]

Soft Launch - Alain Laubrac x Fem Reader (ENG)

The story that follows is in English for my English Voltaire High's fans, French version is posted there!

Requested by @babydeersblog

Synopsis: You and Alain got to know each other at the beginning of the year, and were involved in a number of group projects, which helped your relationship to evolve over time. However, after being mocked when you confessed your feelings to a boy, you decided to keep them to yourself and no longer show any signs of love. But Alain unfortunately makes you feel something you'd like to find out more about.

Warnings: small changes compared to the series.

Notes: don't hesitate to recommend oneshot ideas - I write in English and French!

Since the beginning of the year, you and Alain have been exchanging words during your class hours. You have the habit of drawing him little drawings while he writes you quotes or jokes, depending on his mood. Since his fight with Joseph a few months ago, you have become Alain's sort of guardian angel, you prevent him from going off the rails and you defend him when you have the opportunity in front of Joseph and his friends.

However, for the past few weeks, Joseph can't help but tease you by pointing out how close you are and assuming that you love each other as if it were a game. But Joseph was like that. Everything was funny to him and everything was not serious.

When you come home on weekends, you have the right to participate to the private interrogation of your brother Jean-Pierre, as if Joseph's bogus questions weren't enough. For Jean-Pierre, you were and will always remain his little sister who he must cherish and protect. He stopped watching you grow up when you were nine.

“Who is Alain?” Jean-Pierre asked the second you set foot inside your house.

"A friend. Next question?" You answered.

Jean-Pierre frowned. For him, there's no way you're dating a boy. Simone had reminded him several times that you were seventeen and old enough to have a boyfriend, but he was stubborn and didn't want to know anything about the subject.

“Apparently no, that’s not what Joseph claims to say.”

"Joseph! Do you really believe him?! He's an idiot and he likes to start rumors about everything that moves. I thought you were more intelligent…" You affirmed, grabbing a glass which you carefully filled with water.

After your exchange with your brother, you headed to your room and discovered a letter left on your bed. It is signed A.L.

You immediately recognized the sender's writing and his sentences, which were always so original and captivating. You couldn't help but smile at each of his letters, at each of his words, of his actions. But although this should make you happy, on the contrary, it made you anxious.

Every night before going to sleep, you thought about what you really wanted. You had two choices presented to you: confess your feelings to him and risk being humiliated like before, or keep them a secret and perhaps lose the love of your life.

The love of your life, maybe that’s a big word.

On Monday morning, after leaving your home, you arrived at school a little early. You especially hoped to see Alain.

“Morning.” A male voice called out to you.

Without even turning around, you could recognize this voice among a hundred, even if it wasn't pleasant for you.

“Joseph, what else do you want from me?”

"What do I want from you? What do you want me instead.”

You raised your eyebrow, unconsciously glaring at Joseph.

"Even though the school doesn't know me by that name yet, I'm excited to introduce myself, Joseph the Cupid." He stooped down, miming a curtsy.

“Joseph the what?!” You giggled at this unpredictable news. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Do I look like it?”

My smile immediately faded from my face when I realized that indeed, he was completely serious. But Joseph, serious or not, is not someone you can trust.

“Go find another customer.” You responded, turning on your heel.

“Don’t you want to know what your dear Alain thinks of you?” A smirk formed on the blonde's lips.

“Not necessarily, and certainly not thanks to your help.” You declare.

"It's a shame, I know a lot about him and things that might interest you-" Joseph stopped in his sentence when Alain arrived.

“Are you okay Y/n? Joseph…” Alain gave Joseph a confused look. “We can already get ready for class, what do you think?”

You nodded and the two of them walked off into the hallways. Alain leaned against the wall.

“If Joseph bothers you, tell me.”

“It’s Joseph, he’s like that.” You declare.

Alain lowered his gaze, as if he was upset, and upset by what had just happened.

During the first class of the day, you couldn't help but glance at Alain who seemed so focused on the class. You were as focused on him as he was on his lesson that you didn't realize that his gaze was now turned towards you.

His blue eyes were locked on you. He didn’t even move when your gaze met his. Your cheeks suddenly took on a tint of pink while a smirk appeared on Alain's face.

At the end of class, you cross paths with Joseph again who begs you to accompany you home since you live near each other.

Alain, who was walking a few meters further, was able to see your silhouette and that of Joseph walking side by side. He couldn't help but feel jealous. Why did Joseph always have to be with you when he only dreamed of being in his place.

***

The next day, you and Alain had a science assignment to complete, an assignment that required you to work with him for an indefinite period of time. You were already looking forward to being with him, but strangely, you felt pressure, as if this was going to go badly.

You quickly walk towards the science room, seeing Alain who was already sitting on a chair at the back of the room.

"Am I late ?" You asked.

“We would rather say that I am early.” Alain smiles at you before pulling out a chair for you.

The work progressed more quickly than expected, both of them were focused, but took a few poses to discuss things more entertaining and fun than science classes.

“You and Joseph, is there…” Alain began.

You widened your eyes before answering.

“No, no! He’s just a friend, I’m not interested in him.” You hastened to answer.

Alain glanced at his notebook without saying a word, as if your answer didn't suit him.

His fingers held tightly to his pencil with which he was scribbling in the corner of his notebook.

Your eyes roamed his entire face, from his brown curls to the fine curves of his jaw.

“Are you okay?” You finally asked.

Alain’s eyes fixed on you once again. They moved down to your lips before coming back up to your eyes. Although he didn't speak, his gaze revealed so much more.

Your heartbeat accelerated and your lips itched with the desire to kiss him.

His face slowly moved closer to yours, your heart almost skipped a beat.

"Working hard?" A male voice blurted out.

You and Alain turn around with a start before seeing Joseph in the doorway. He smiled playfully at you like he did that on purpose. And you were sure that was the case.

"I need to go, Y/n. We'll meet up again tomorrow." Alain packed his things and gave you a brief smile before leaving, lightly brushing against Joseph.

"You find it funny?!" You declare.

“I thought you weren’t interested?” A smirk appeared on Joseph's lips.

***

In the afternoon, you went to the infirmary to take some medicine to treat your uncontrollable stomach ache. Before you could put on your vest again, the door opened to reveal Alain.

"Hey..."

"I- I didn't think I'd see anyone here at this hour." He affirmed.

His nose was bleeding slightly and you could notice blood on his knuckles.

“Did you fight?” You asked directly.

He didn't answer, his lips pursed and he looked away. Sometimes silence is louder than words.

You wet a cotton ball before gently grabbing his hand to disinfect it.

“It wasn’t me…I didn’t start it.” He whispered.

“It’s too simple to say that every time, Alain.”

He breathed in and out a silent 'yes' and gritted his teeth as you pressed against his wound.

The closeness between the two of you allowed you to hear his heartbeat and feel his gaze on you as you carefully disinfected his wound.

Placing the cotton on the table next to you, you felt Alain's still hand lightly brush against your thigh as you moved.

You bit your lip to hide your concern. Each of his movements, his looks or his words always gave you a feeling that was impossible to describe.

It had become more and more complicated for you to accept your feelings without always imagining the worst. However, you wanted things to work with Alain. You always felt butterflies in your stomach when you saw him smiling at you in the yard, or when he hid letters in your bag. Not to mention the times you could cross his path, like in the infirmary for example.

Everything led you to him and you felt something different, something captivating.

***

The next day, after classes ended, Alain invited you for a walk around town. At first, you walked in silence. Your interactions with him were never this awkward, and the mood was almost heavy right now.

“Sorry about yesterday…”

Alain turned his head, almost surprised that you apologized.

"It's not your fault." He answered briefly.

You bit your lip, you didn't know how to make the mood more joyful or even less morbid.

“Joseph is-” You start before being interrupted by Alain.

“It's still Joseph, Y/n. Except that Joseph takes great pleasure in bothering you, I notice that very well. You need to ignore him, because he's not going to stop so quickly. So make him stop, or I'll take care of it myself."

When he finished speaking, you couldn’t help but slip a short ‘no’ out of your mouth. You didn't want them to lash out like always.

You grab his arm to push him slightly towards you. Either you waited and perhaps risked the situation degenerating or ending differently than expected, or you took your courage in both hands.

Alain looked at you again with a look filled with desire. You didn’t know what exactly that look meant, but as much as you didn’t want to start imagining things, it wasn’t friendly in any way.

“I would like to have you to myself for once… to be able to act without someone cutting me off every time…” Alain affirmed.

You arrive in a small alley. You walked slower and slower, your bodies getting closer together as you went, until your hands brushed against each other several times.

Your two gazes met when you felt the other's hand. Alain walked in front of you and suddenly stopped, which led to you stopping too.

"Y/n, I wish you were more confident, you're pretty and smart. Don't hide or let anyone walk all over you."

Your eyebrows raised when you heard his words. Your cheeks immediately turned red despite the fact that you tried to hide them.

Alain slowly leaned towards you, his hand reaching out towards your arm. He didn't dare put it elsewhere and was mainly waiting for a response from you before doing so. His eyes lowered to your lips again. However, this time he didn't look away. Despite the hesitation, he finally placed his lips on yours and you immediately kissed back. His soft lips pressed against yours and moved in lockstep with yours.

A few seconds later, you both pulled your faces back and looked into each other's eyes before Alain gave you a soft smile.

“I wouldn’t have thought of doing that here… but it’s even better.” He smiled and finally placed a hand on your waist.

You were overcome by emotions and reached his lips again to kiss him. He pressed firmly on your waist at the same time as his lips pressed into yours.

His warm breath blew against your skin, and you felt it slowly speed up.

You felt his lips forming a smile against yours, and you couldn't help but smile back.

Once again, you felt a fluttering sensation in your stomach. His hand tenderly caressing your waist and the movements of your lips against each other only made you feel worse.

However, what you couldn't have known was that on Alain's side, tons of emotions and sensations were also invading his body and making his heart palpitate in rhythm with the beating of yours.

1758 words.

[certifiedceraunophile]

I can see that you're not a native English speaker but your grasp on the language is applaudable how long have you been learning?

Your writing (both tumblr posts and fanfiction) have a classical elegance to it and it's hard for even native speakers to communicate their thoughts as beautifully as you do 💙 Have you taken some special training for it?

Oh my god angel anon this is so sweet, and lmao you're right I'm not a native speaker like at all, tbvvh I struggle a lot w english, always have like I'd score the lowest in it out of all my subjects in high school, ugh my total percentage always took a hit bc of it -_- wont ever stop being salty about it ngl, so no I've had no real training whatsoever beyond like the general compulsory learning in school, and also anybody who chats w me for like more than a minute will immediately know that idgaf about spellings or sentence structure or general coherency in my day to day english, Lmao which reminds me the other day I literally told someone I ~idealize~ I look up to in every way possible when it comes to writing *cough* Jenn @cbk1000 *cough* that “……blah something blah…..I teached...blah blah” while talking and I didnt notice it for like a hot second and Jenn is too sweet (sort of) to point it out but oh my god I was mortified by it when I realized what I had said, but honestly what throws me is that I didn't really notice it was wrong for a long time and like I thought it was a-ok until it hit me that it’s taught.

So in all honesty my english is as good as any non-native speaker who had to learn the language growing up strictly for school purposes.

That being said in my ff writing I just try really really pathetically hard when I write, like the pretension leaps out and tries to reproduce whatever I myself have consumed so far in terms of writing and recycle it as my own crap, I just have this ability (it's not a special thing everyone does it lmao) to subsume what I read and I mostly just take sentences, metaphors and other writerly things sometimes even just the mood/setting of the writing that strike me and rewrite it w an added touch of pretension and it's actually really tangible how much I allow what I read to drastically affect how I write and since I read a weird eclectic mix of really….just a lot of different things that shouldn't really go together lol, my writing style/ narrator voice/ mood setting for my ff also varies a lot, like one day I write Klaus w a satire and critical wit that’s not exactly Voltaire but close, where he’s pretty much just disgusted by everything and decides to mock it all with a straight face and the next day I write him as a lil pining shit with saccharine levels of romanticism in my writing to appeal to his artist-soul mostly bc I sat my ass down and read a poem or two by Keats prior to writing, other days he’s cute and murderous, wears human teeth as jewelry and is just a tiny bit poignant bc I had a date with Poe….so yeah basically what I’m trying to say is that the only "training" I've ever had is what I've already read all these years and what I write is just all the text I've kept w myself and can recollect and re-arrange into my own writing, which is why I would never consider my work to be something that’s completely and originally mine bc I have this personal saying that goes, 

“Everything I see is an image of an image.”

Which to me means a lot of things but in this particular context means that nothing I create belongs to me and only me, it belongs to every writer I’ve read before writing it and will be reminisced by every author who I’ll read after it, that everything I create is just what creators before me have done but have allowed me to take their creations and make it mine before I too pass it on with love and history to the next person.

I also have another quote I feel in every inch of my heart and that’s

"I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women and men that I have loved; all the cities I have visited."

-Jorge Luis Borges

So really this is just my personal...philosophy?? Belief, that I owe my creativity to the world and everything it creates *through* me because I don't own the beauty, I’m only a lens through which it passes through, that my creativity refracts the world's beauty into my life and my creations, and I am glad, blessed to have been the lens through which such beauty passes through.

And that I am more than happy to just be another image who is someone else’s reflection or the very object someone else will reflect, I love how much that connects every human being and every object of beauty, of creation in existence inescapably.

Now I’ve rambled on a lot like a LOT, definitely wayyyyyy more than that simple ask warranted lmao so I’ll shut up and just say you’re the sweetest lovely anon this message made me feel so very flattered and I genuinely think I blushed (and trust me brown girls cannot blush mostly bc the melanin wont let the pink filter through lmao) and I am honoured to know that you thought I took some professional coaching for this because I literally am the most amateur absolutely clueless bullshit your way through everything writer you will find out there and I am ngl proud of that.

(like seriously dude the other day I learnt for the first time how to use a semi colon and I s2g I wanted to dig a hole and bellyflop into it after realizing how many bloody times I’ve used a semi colon wrong like jfc someone kill me before I do it myself it’s mortifying)

eenyways *tackle hugs* thank you for making me smile and for your kind words youre absolutely precious 💖 and I dont deserve the compliments but I am never gonna let them go bc they make my heart warm.

[popscenery]

Florence + The Machine, »Queen of Peace«

by DS

In the last decade, I have spent an inordinate amount of time contemplating my own existence, as a woman, as a person of color, as someone who doesn’t neatly fit into the boxes I was supposed to fit into by virtue of my birth and upbringing and appearance. I have conceptualized myself in a million ways, embodied a thousand cliches, but as one of the Gossip Girl fanfictions I tore through during the nights I couldn’t sleep during my sophomore year of college said, all the cliches make a real girl. I don’t believe in astrology any more than I believe in religion (my relationship with God is rather more ambiguous) but I have always overidentified as a Libra since, like my birthday twin Oscar Wilde before me, I am fixated on balance to the point of running almost solely on anxious death drive. And the most Libra song of them all is my favorite song released in the last decade, Florence + the Machine’s “Queen of Peace” from How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (2015).

For a period of several months back in 2016, I had this recurring dream. My husband and I were married and everything seemed perfect; we were beautiful and successful and madly in love and after a saga of not being okay in so many ways, I was finally okay. But the image that kept on playing in my mind, over and over like a broken videotape, was of me kneeling at my oldest son’s hospital bed; he was dying, sometimes from a car accident, sometimes from a premature heart attack, sometimes from a drug overdose, but at the end of the story, he always died. In some versions of the dream, he had a baby sister, other times, he was a golden only child but always, he didn’t deserve to die even if his parents deserved to be punished for hurt they wrought upon others and themselves in the years before they were his parents. My husband would be watching my vigil; he would be looking at me not as if he blamed me for our son’s condition but as if I should have warned him in the first place that I bring about death in this manner. I remember being fixated on the vividness of the scene that sometimes still rewinds and replays in my head, the colors of it, the light blue crispness of the hospital room, the red of the shirt I was wearing (it was always red), the dark in my husband’s eyes. Don’t get me wrong, my husband never stops loving me even if he believes I ought to have warned him about who I truly am but nonetheless, nothing would ever be the same again. And while I didn’t know it at the time, I have come to realize that this dream was at least partially caused by my several hundred listens of “Queen of Peace” that year I was 21 to the point the song metaphorically embedded itself in my bones the way no other song has before or since then. 

In the first verse of “Queen of Peace,” Florence Welch sings, “Oh, what is it worth/ When all that's left is hurt?” And you could say that I related. I’ve come to terms with most of the things I did and said when I was hurt but despite being healthier and happier than I’ve ever been, I’m sometimes still completely terrified that I’m going to bring about impenetrable darkness to those I love wherever I go because of the nature of my past, because of my history of violence against myself. I’m afraid that because of my long-standing existential despair, because of not wanting to be alive for a large portion of my life, there is nothing more to me than the pain that I felt, the pain that was often self-inflicted in more ways than one and that is all I can bring to the table. But I have come to realize, there is life after survival and the fear and anger and abject sadness that I have felt for longer than I can remember cannot take that away from me. 

The thing about expressly not wanting to be alive for an entire decade is that you stop planning for a future that you don’t believe you’ll be around for. When I was 17, I was flying home from Boston and on that cross country flight, I distinctly remember thinking, who cares what college I get into because I’m not going to be alive to graduate anyway. I planned out what outfit I wanted to wear at my funeral and contemplated what color I would write my death notes to my loved ones and the weird thing is, I never called them suicide notes even to myself because that seemed far too intentional to me and some part of me was convinced that I was born to die young so I didn’t need to put in the effort to kill myself. But I’m 25 now and that time still hasn’t come and I’ve stopped expecting it. Somewhere along the line, something changed within me, like a candle being snuffed out, and I just simply ceased believing in my long prophesied death and began desperately wanting to do and say and simply be as much I can in my time on this Earth. 

However, and this is embarrassing to write, some part of me hardcore judges myself for wanting to live so badly and doing so much to ensure my own survival, fighting until my knuckles are bleeding and burning what bridges have rotted and crying so much the salt dries out the skin on my cheeks. It feels gauche and pathetic and downright childish to be so doggedly determined to live but I’ve grown to accept that aspect of myself, the silliness of living as Voltaire once called it. The fragments of good, no matter how small, will always endure and I really believe that.

In any case, despite the sorrow inherent in the blood flows through my veins and all the sometimes inarticulable damage that has been done to and by me, I made a decision some years back to defend life complete with all its accumulated anguish, fury, confusion and most of all, its complete mundaneness. In “No Choir” from High As Hope (2019), Florence Welch sang, “And it's hard to write about being happy/ Cause the older I get/ I find that happiness is an extremely uneventful subject” so I’d like to think she understands, and I hope that you all reading this do as well.

– DS

[journeysintowebcomics]

Girl Genius Liveblog #212

UPDATE 212: A Lead

Last time Agatha managed to get quite the lucrative deal in the black market, thanks to her weasel. In the meantime, the Other’s plans are being started in a hurry. Let’s continue.

Who knows how long Agatha has been here, talking about that biological monstrosity, but she’s done and it was quite the task. She dictated everything, and a clank transcribed everything. It does seem like this took like...three piles of paper? Quite a lot of information to have memorized, I suppose being a spark may make that easier. I mean, all the knowledge about MAD SCIENCE has to go somewhere.

Also, there’s a lot of erotic novels starring Agatha.

The raunchier Heterodyne tales, I imagine. Golly, these people sure work fast! It has been like two years since Agatha proved she’s the Heterodyne heiress, and there’s already fourteen books – at the very least! In this one series, since I bet there’s many others. The publishing industry in Girl Genius must be incredibly profitable.

Zeetha wanting the entire collection is kind of...sketchy. I sure know I’d be really weirded out about reading erotic fanfiction of someone I know, much less someone I see everyday. Also, they’d be really weirded out if they knew I’m reading erotic fanfiction of them. The heck, Zeetha.

While Agatha was working on the wasp eater details, this madame gathered information about Professor Zardeliv. All the information proves to be useful, as it gives Agatha the right ideas of how to track him – as long as he’s in Paris. If he’s not here then they’re out of luck.

Elsewhere, Seffie has one of her servants root through Gil’s mail. There’s no way he doesn’t know Seffie does that. Either way, in this mail there’s stuff for Voltaire, all about Agatha. I imagine it’s chock-full of warnings and informing she’s the Other.

Seffie, you liar, there’s steam coming out of that teacup five frames ago. Seems to me she’s really upset about Agatha, for some reason. I’m not sure what may have happened in these few hours for her to get so upset. Part of me is wondering if maybe it is that she has made the wasp eater be the biological equivalent of an open source software.

Gil is coming to Paris! Oh boy, that’s bound to end in a mess if Agatha is still here when he’s around. Voltaire won’t appreciate chaos and havoc, let’s hope that will be enough to deter the Baron in Gil’s head from making a scene.

So apparently the traces Agatha was looking for to find Zardilev are everywhere in Paris. I guess everybody in this city has used the machinery Agatha was so fixated onto – or Zardilev walked all over Paris. As that’s too daring for someone trying to stay hidden and all that, the first is likelier, and completely inconvenient. Oh well. Regardless, there are readings even in some sort of firbidden library that’s its own republic nowadays. They can’t even walk in there, not even Colette can. Can Voltaire?

Hoffman can! From underneath. Hah! Really? Are they going to make a tunnel into the incorruptible republic library? For a forbidden library, it sure lacks security, then. To enter, Hoffman leads them through a storm drain. All this time Hoffman keeps talking about how he infiltrated one of the most secure fastholds of Europa – you know, they may say it’s a secure fasthold, but thanks to all this I sure don’t believe it not even for a second.

There’s a subterranean civilization here underneath Paris, and they’re suspicious and xenophobic, ready to make gloves out of intruders. That’s a rather specific clothing item, honestly. Either way, when they go down further, this civilization doesn’t seem very suspicious or xenophobic, welcoming Hoffman as a hero. Whaaaat did you do here before, Hoffman?

...ah. I see, I see. Is this why directives such as ‘if you’re in another world or civilization, for the love of all that’s sacred: don’t meddle’ exist? I don’t remember where I heard that before, but it sure sounds like Hoffman should have heard it. Then again, it was a third of his grade.

The idea he had to solve tensions and unify them is a political marriage – something I’m a tad surprised they accepted, given how they’re very into making gloves of anyone who isn’t of their own civilization. Also, they need huge gloves.

I think I’ll have to cut the update here, after Agatha is forced to undergo an embarrassing moment thanks to Zeetha reading too many fantasy books and blurting out Agatha is their chosen one when the high priest says he recognized her. Hey, it’s better if she isn’t! Agatha has no time to rule underground civilizations. Either way, I have to stop now.

Next time: two updates

[idontlikemonday]

Can someone write a fic about Jean Dupin ? Please ? I’m begging you