#visions so incomprehensible i wanna forget how i got here

[targarrus]

bele sanje

[lethal-liability]

Ari's ranking of Imagine Dragon's discography

Here's something literally no one asked for! Anyway rankings are out of 10 and I'll have album stats at the end. Also any songs in the EPs that would later appear on Night Visions are just going under the album. I know that'll screw with their averages but I don't really care.

Imagine Dragons (2009) average rating: 7.2

I Need A Minute: 6/10 A nice fun song I used to like dancing around my room to. The lyrics are completely incomprehensible but I guess that's the point, I like it. The vocals are just a little bit too low

Uptight: 7/10 Funky beat, I really like the synth. I didn't listen to this one much as a kid but I really missed out this song kinda fucks.

Cover Up: 7/10 Some more funky bass and synth, getting into some of the more poetic lyrics that I like from them. Pretty solid.

Curse: 9/10 This 👏 was 👏 my 👏 favorite 👏 song 👏 back 👏 in 👏 the 👏 day 👏 Here's where my bias comes in cause this one gets an extra point purely for that. The lyrics don't really make sense but I would lay up at night coming up with complex amvs in my head to go along with it :) Still holds up to 11 y/o Ari's love.

Drive: 7/10 Again, another one I never really listened to as a kid. It's a pretty good, relaxing song, really different from the rest of the upbeat songs on the EP.

Hell and Silence (2010) average rating: 6.75

All Eyes: 6/10 Another funky song, nothing really special but pretty solid

I Don't Mind: 4/10 Honestly not a fan of this one, the synth is kinda annoying and the lyrics are kinda irritating

Selene: 8/10 Idk what to say I just like this song :)

Emma: 9/10 Honestly pretty much the same as Selene but with a chiller vibe, I like the raspier vocals. Extra points for that nearly yelled bridge HELL AND SILENCE I CAN FIGHT IT

It's Time (2011) average rating: 4.2

Tokyo: 3/10 Look I'm a sucker for funky synth OKAY. I don't speak Japanese but I don't have to to tell you Dan's pronunciation is really cringy. Deducting points for the kinda fetishy lyrics too.

The River: 8/10 This is one of those songs I like to listen to when I'm sad to make myself sadder so I can cry my feelings out. It's got a pretty, soothing melody and nice lyrics.

Leave Me: 2/10 This song used to make the feminism leave my body as a kid but I just can't bring myself to really do that anymore lmao. Come on Dan, that's two kinda gross songs on one album :/

Pantomime: 2/10 I. Really did not like this song as a kid. Like I had a playlist on youtube of all their music except this song. I was right.

Look How Far We've Come: 6/10 Hearing this song for the first time in like nine years was an experience. Not a bad song but dome of the lines are a little clunky.

Night Visions (2012) average rating: 7.33

Radioactive: 9/10 Ya know this is the song that got them famous and for good reason. It's a good song and great amv fodder.

Tiptoe: 8/10 It's gonna be harder to write about these songs going forward because these are ones I listen to regularly so I know I like them but yeah. Good song.

It's Time: 10/10 Radioactive may have been what got them famous but this was their first real big single and it was my favorite. I'm a big sucker for a mandolin and I think this is where they started to lean more into the folky sound than the synthy sound.

Demons: 9/10 Another one of their songs I used to listen to to cry and I don't listen to it much anymore because of that but it's still a good, poetic song that hits me in the feels.

On Top Of The World: 6/10 My mom had this as her alarm when I was in middle school so I couldn't listen to it for a long time. The lyrics are a little heavy handed sometimes and a little incomprehensible at others but it's an alright little tune.

Hear Me: 8/10 This album is a little confusing because they include some of their older synth heavy songs alongside their newer folky songs, but I won't complain with this song. Frustrated 13 year old me loved this song because I, too, felt that no one ever heard me when I talked. Ya know, 13 y/o things.

Amsterdam: 7/10 I have no idea what this song is about but it's pretty good.

Every Night: 5/10 This was their first and last try at what I call a "first dance bait" song. Ya know like Perfect by Ed Sheeren or Marry Me by Train? It's alright, just really heavy handed.

Bleeding Out: 10/10 Oh emo eleven year old me ate this edgy shit up. Is it a grimdark? Yes. But that's a plus for this song. This song makes me wanna scream every time I listen to it I BARE MY SKIN AND I COUNT MY SINS AND I CLOSE MY EYES AND I TAKE IT IN

Underdog: 6/10 Another cute song, not much to say about this one, it's alright.

Nothing Left To Say: 9/10 ANOTHER another song I cry to, this one still hits home for me. It's pretty and soothing but the lyrics are still heart wrenching. The instrumental at the end is nice and I like to fall asleep to it.

Rocks: 8/10 A nice upbeat song that is a little repetative but it's only about a minute long so it doesn't over stay its welcome.

Working Man: 5/10 This song isn't on spotify so I don't get to hear it often and I actually hadn't heard it in a while when I listened to it to do this. It's kinda trying to be a 9 to 5 type song but it doesn't really do it for me.

Fallen: 8/10 Another song I hadn't heard in a while since it's not on spotify but I'm more of a fan of this one. Another amv bait song to me but one with more of a triumphant vibe to it. I really like the vocals in the chorus.

Cha-Ching ('Til We Grow Older): 8/10 The hook of this song, cha-ching x3, has a big potential to become really annoying like some of their later songs (cough cough, Thunder) but they actually somhow make it work. This song hits me a lot harder now than it did as a kid cause god. Yeah. They're so right. We are all living until we grow older.

Smoke + Mirrors (2015) average rating: 9.06

Shots: 9/10 Hell YES my favorite album finally let's get into this shit. Anyway songs that make me wanna lay in a field of wildflowers. Well the music, the lyrics are pretty depressing. But that's what makes a great song ya know.

Gold: 9/10 Songs about the rich losing their humanity? Hell yeah. I fucking love the percussion and the synth in this one too.

Smoke and Mirrors: 10/10 The under appreciated masterpiece of this album in my humble opinion. Everyone always talks about Dream as the best song on the album but I really think it's this one. That yelled OPEN UP MY EYES gets me all the time I just really really love this song.

I'm So Sorry: 9/10 Real sexy bassline on this one. I can't tell what the fuck this song is about but I don't care because it goes pretty hard.

I Bet My Life: 8/10 I like the gospel vibes, especially the backing vocals, some of them out-sing Dan a little bit. This one also hits a little harder now that I'm grown up a bit.

Polaroid: 8/10 Another one with cool percussion, some of the lyrics are lost on me but I get the overall vibe of it.

Friction: 10/10 I have no clue what that string is at the beginning of the song but man does it fuck hard. God actually everything in this song goes pretty hard, I'm especially a fan of the vocals.

It Comes Back To You: 8/10 Nice chill song, I feel like this is one that's gonna hit in a few years. Not much to say about it tbh besides I like it.

Dream: 10/10 This song really does live up to the hype even if I like other songs better. It's really poetic and well composed. You really just have to listen to it to get it tbh.

Trouble: 8/10 The piano at the beginning is a little grating but it gets better. Again not much to say about this one, it's solid, just not one of my favorites.

Summer: 8/10 Another sexy baseline, another set of incomprehensible lyrics. I like it.

Hopeless Opus: 10/10 This one's a little weird but it was my favorite for a while. I like weird. Idk if anyone would agree with me but this one was kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, this really was a hopeless opus since, in my opinion, they've yet to make album as good as this one. Also. Guitar solo.

The Fall: 10/10 I like to put this song on when we get the first cold snap of the year after summer :) It's just really chill and I like the vibes and the vocals

Thief: 10/10 AAAAHHHHHH SONGS THAT MAKE ME WANNA RUN THROUGH THE WOODS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

The Unknown: 9/10 Cool percussion, I like the intermediate piano, it's a nice touch.

Second Chances: 9/10 I like the strings and the vocals. Another nice chill song.

Release: 9/10 I like that this one is completely acoustic, it's a nice send off for a great album, if a little depressing.

Evolve (2017) average rating: 5.5

I Don't Know Why: 10/10 I have wanted to choreograph something to this song for the fucking longest time oh my god. I really love the vocals and the synth in this one.

Whatever It Takes: 5/10 This one's alright. It's not great but it's definitely not the worst. Perfectly average pop song.

Believer: 10/10 I am a little bit biased with this one because I use it for my OCs a lot but like. It's a really good song. And I don't watch TV so I haven't gotten it ruined for me by commercials.

Walking The Wire: 6/10 I hadn't listened to this song in a while and it's really not as bad as I remember. I guess you can really tell that he was having marital issues when they made this album and that didn't really connect with me back then. But I'm kinda into a little bit of it now.

Rise Up: 4/10 Another really average, inspirational pop song. I like the raspiness of Dan's voice in most songs but it sounds so over processed in this song I can't stand it.

I'll Make It Up To You: 3/10 Wow okay never mind the marital issues vibe is coming back real heavily in this one. Idk it's just such Straight People vibes, I don't like it :/

Yesterday: 1/10 I associate this song with someone I don't talk to anymore and really wanna forget so it's kinda running at a deficit already. But. Um. It's not a good song otherwise. It's another weird song but something about this one just doesn't work.

Mouth Of The River: 7/10 I think I liked this one when it came out, idk why I stopped listening to it. It's pretty good. Not great. But I like the river imagery. Well. I like river imagery in general.

Thunder: 2/10 hhhhhhhhhhhh why did they think this was a good idea. Probably their most notorious song, I know a lot of people cite it when they say Imagine Dragons makes shitty music. I just think it's tragic that this is one of the ones that got super popular for some reason. However as someone who teaches children's dance classes, however annoying you think this version is, you haven't heard anything until you have to listen to the KidzBop version twice a week for a year. Not a complete 0 because I do like some of the vocals that aren't. That Part.

Start Over: 6/10 Another one I hadn't heard in a while, but it's pretty groovy. Not as heavy handed as some of the other songs, and that flute in the chorus is pretty cool.

Dancing In The Dark: 8/10 I like this one a lot, the processing on the vocals is a little wonky but I like the vibes.

Next To Me: 4/10 Yeah this was the "please don't divorce me" song. It's. alright. Really heavy handed, they probably should've waited to release this one but you know.

Origins (2018) average rating: 4.8

Natural: 10/10 Another one I'm biased for because I associate it with a beloved OC. But It's still a good song. I like it.

Boomerang: 5/10 Another song that just has an awkward hook with awkward delivery.

Machine: 9/10 I like this song a lot more now that I know the band is really outspoken about their experiences with mormanism and escaping it. But the irony of a song with a nonconformist message from a pop band is not lost on me.

Cool Out: 5/10 Idk I don't have much to say about this one. It's alright.

Bad Liar: 4/10 Oh boy more divorced dad energy. Hhhhhh I'm getting burnt out on this. For the record I have no problem with people going through things like this, I'm just not into these vibes in my music, especially when they're super desperate like this.

West Coast: 3/10 East coast supremacy. Also why are you trying to be Mumford and Sons.

Zero: 4/10 You know, the Ralph Breaks the internet song? God. That sure was a movie. The song is better, but not by much. It is fun and bouncy but I don't like listening to it too often.

Bullet In A Gun: 5/10 I used to really like this song but now I just associate it with an embarrassing character I used to stan so :/ I do still like the lyrics even if I don't listen to it anymore.

Digital: 3/10 I can't tell if this song is pro or anti technology??? And the electronic melody is annoying.

Only: 4/10 Hhhhhh I'm so tired. I don't like this one.

Stuck: 2/10 idk man. bad.

Love: 3/10 Really trying hard to be the Beatles here. :/ That's really not a compliment.

Birds: 5/10 This one's kinda nice, a little more original but like. I'm so burned out on this theme. hhhhhhhh

Burn Out: 10/10 Speaking of burn out. lmao, no I actually really like this one. I just recently listened to it kinda intently for the first time and I just. Wow. The second verse really gets to me. I feel like this song has a lot of the poeticness I liked from Smoke + Mirrors.

Real Life: 0/10 Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh obligatory "PHONES BAD" song from the folk pop band. At least when Bastille does it they don't literally say "turn your phone off!" in the song. I'm so tired. I'm gonna take a nap before I listen to the next album.

Mercury - Act 1 (2021) average rating: 7.46

Okay I'm still tired but let's do this. Also I've only heard this album like three times so far so this ranking is most definitely gonna change as I listen to it more.

My Life: 9/10 Holy shit this song is fucking heart wrenching and I first listened to it at like just the perfect time for me to ball like a baby listening to it. Literally my only gripe is I wish the tempo would've picked up a little bit earlier.

Lonely: 9/10 This song is equally fucking depressing but it's upbeat and I eat that shit up. The vocals are a little weird sometimes but I really like the pre-chorus a lot.

Wrecked: 8/10 Okay so this album is just gonna be gut punch after gut punch huh? Look, I was really going through some shit when they dropped this album so I like really connected with a lot of it. But yeah I like this song.

Monday: 4/10 Alright. Not a fan of this one. The metaphor is kinda cute I guess, even if it implies that like literally everyone else things your sweetheart is fucking insufferable. Actually. Who tf thinks monday is the best day of the week? Like what kind of person? But, uh, musically, it's kinda annoying.

#1: 7/10 Self-care babie!!!!!!! Okay but this is a nice song. Yes we all need to learn self love it's a fucking journey babe.

Easy Come Easy Go: 9/10 I really like this one, it might be my favorite on the album. My only gripe is the bridge/3rd verse/whatever it's called is a little bit clunky

Giants: 8/10 god DAMN those vocals. This is another kinda weird song but I'm into this one like I am with Hopeless Opus.

It's Okay: 7/10 Honestly I'm kinda tired of hearing "it's okay to be not okay" Like yeah I've been depressed for most of my life now I think I got that at this point. But I am a fan of "I don't want this body, I don't want this voice, I don't wanna be here but I guess I have no choice." Like damn even my gender crisis? Y'all are really just hitting all my nails from the past year right on the head huh?

Dull Knives: 9/10 OKAY ROCK RIFF I HEAR YOU, I just wish it would've lasted through the song instead of going slow again during the second chorus. But yeah, songs that make me wanna scream in the woods in the middle of the night.

Follow You: 8/10 ME AND WHO???????

Cutthroat: 9/10 HELLO AMV BAIT I MISSED YOU I wish it was longer. Also, love Dan's screamo debut I wish he'd just fucking scream his throat raw more often.

No Time For Toxic People: 4/10 okay I think we've established that I'm not a fan of completely unsubtle songs so I don't think it should be a shock that I'm not a fan of this one. The music doesn't really save it either.

One Day: 6/10 M E A N D W H O ? ? ? Not as much of a fan of this one as Follow You though.

Additional Singles but only one's I've already heard because fuck you there are so many of these

Battle Cry: 6/10 I thought this one was from some soundtrack but idk. A transformers movie I think? I can't find anything on it. Anyway, okay song. I like the line stars are only visible in darkness. The rest of the song is kinda repetitive

Born To Be Yours: 8/10 I like this song a lot. I have no idea who Kygo is but I'm a fan of this beat. For the record, this is more something I would use for my first dance.

Destination: 6/10 Another song I haven't hear in a while. I enjoy the vocals from the other band members. But it is an itunes sessions song so it's a little messy, probably could have been better if they'd recorded it as a regular song.

I Was Me: 7/10 A nice sad acoustic song, not much to say, I like it

Levitate: 6/10 This one is from that Jennifer Lawrence Crisp Rat movie no one saw. It's okay. I like the sci-fi vibes.

Lost Cause: 4/10 This one is from the Frankenweenie soundtrack of all things. This is another grimdark edgy song, but it just doesn't have the staying power to me that Bleeding Out did.

Monster: 8/10 This song was my fucking jam as a kid and was the song that got me into Nightcore in middle school so you know it's important to me. Still a big fan of it.

Not Today: 7/10 I actually saw the movie this was from, Me Before You. I would say this is another first dance bait song but I think they were just trying to match the vibes of the movie. The song is better than the movie though. In case you were wondering.

Ready! Aim! Fire!: 7/10 continuing the trend of songs from soundtracks, apparently this song is from Iron Man 3? Seems kinda weird to put a song about rebellion and revolution in a movie about a billionaire 🤔🤔🤔. Anyway it has a more electronic, industrial sound than most of their stuff which i appreciate. Still have to deduct points for being from a marvel movie though oops.

Roots: 10/10 Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh I love this song. Another another biased one because I associate it with one of my OCs but like. It's a good song.

Sucker For Pain: 5/10 Ya know that song from the Suicide Squad soundtrack? The masochist anthem? It's alright, I mean Dan's part is probably the best, the rap is okay I guess, I'm not a huge rap fan so I don't really know what constitutes a good rap. I guess the appeal of this song was all the big names but it just gets tiresome that there's a new voice every 30 seconds. Really gimmicky but Lil Wayne's part is kinda funny so I'll give it that.

Warriors: 8/10 More amv bait, another one I could've sworn this was from some soundtrack but I can't find anything on it. Pretty solid song.

Who We Are: 6/10 This sing is from one of the Hunger Games Movies, I can't remember which one though. Anyway it's fucking incomprehensible but I like it.

Conclusion

Okay so in order from Highest to Lowest ranked the albums and EPs are

Smoke + Mirrors: 9.06

Mercury - Act 1: 7.46

Night Visions: 7.33

Self Titled: 7.2

Hell and Silence: 6.75

Evolve: 5.5

Origins: 4.8

It's Time: 4.2

See and this is completly objective because if you had asked me to rank my favorite albums I would've put Night Visions above Mercury 😠 I did have a good time going back and listening to a lot of old songs I hadn't heard in forever

anyway I'm tired and this post no one asked for is over 3k words so I am going to bed good fucking night

[artemisegeria]

A Formula, A Phrase Remains (4/7)

Title: A Formula, A Phrase Remains (4/7)

Rating: T

Word count: 3719

Warnings: None

Summary: Endgame spoilers. Wanda Maximoff has known so much grief in her life that it moves with her like a second skin. But she is a survivor. Moving on is what she does. So she tries to put the latest tragedy behind her by putting all her focus into Avenging and forming a new family for herself.

Meanwhile, Princess Shuri is gathering her own team to bring back someone who was lost far too soon.

Available from the beginning here.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has read, left kudos, and/or commented. I really appreciate it. This chapter has a little bit of fluff because I can’t help myself, and also some angst and a new development in the quest to bring Vision back.

Disclaimer: I’m including some characters in this chapter that I’m not really familiar with beyond a little bit of research; that’s why they’re not in it for very long.

“Wake up, Wanda. It’s time to leave now.”

“Don’t wanna go,” she mumbled into her pillow.

“Neither do I, but we have no choice, unfortunately.” A gentle hand nudged her shoulder. She only burrowed more deeply into the pillow. The hand moved across her back rubbing soothing circles there. “What if I offered you the proper incentive?”

“There’s nothing you can offer me to make me leave this bed.”

A deep chuckle was his only response. She finally rolled over to look at him. Vision looked at her with fond amusement, with just the spark of a challenge in his eyes. “I believe I can think of something.” Vision reached for her and drew her into a kiss. At first his lips just barely skimmed Wanda’s before he deepened the kiss. She started to wrap her arms around him when he phased away from her.

“Vizh!” He grinned down at her from where he was now standing at the edge of the bed. “That was a mean trick. You really can’t convince me to get up now.”

“My apologies.” She rolled her eyes at his unrepentant tone. He regarded her with faux thoughtfulness. “Perhaps I have to take matters into my own hands.” The next thing Wanda knew Vision had scooped her up in his arms. Her arms automatically went around his neck.

“You didn’t take matters into your hands. You took me into your hands.” She tried to maintain a put-upon expression as he carried her into the bathroom, but she couldn’t resist cuddling closer to him.

Vision grinned more widely. “Well, you are what matters most to me, so I believe it works out to the same idea.” He chuckled again, clearly impressed by his joke. She shook her head at him, but pulled him into a kiss.

Wanda stretched out her arm only to run into her bedside lamp. She sighed as she sat up in her narrow twin bed. The others had teased her for her choice when they started setting up the mansion, but they stopped when she quietly admitted that she didn’t want to wake up reaching across a larger bed to find it empty.

She recognized when she wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep. She walked downstairs into the kitchen and found Bucky also awake. The red light of the clock on the microwave glared at them, announcing that it was 3:38 am. He nodded at her. “Nightmare?”

She shook her head. “No, good dream this time. You?”

“Yeah.” He looked away from her, peering out the window, even though it was too dark to see anything. “The good ones can be worse.”

There was nothing much to say to that. She put the tea kettle on to give her hands any way to keep busy. “Want to talk about it?” She had to at least ask, though Bucky didn’t seem to be in the mood tonight.

He finally looked back at her. “No. You?” Wanda shook her head again. This was how their middle of the night conversations usually went. Neither of them typically cared to discuss their dreams, but as she had found when Vision sat with her after her brother’s death, sometimes it was nice just to have company. Someone who understood insomnia at their core. The very thought sent a pang straight through Wanda’s heart, but Wanda swallowed her tears. She refused to be ruled by her grief forever.

The room gradually lightened around them as they remained in companionable silence until it was time to get ready for their morning run. Wanda was grateful for the opportunity to move, to focus purely on putting one foot in front of the other, to be pushed to her physical limits. Today was sprints, and Carol always set a brutal pace. Wanda leaned into the brief forgetfulness.

There were many groans as the team climbed the stairs to their bedrooms after their session finished. Wanda relished the feeling of the hot water raining down on her sore muscles.

Wanda examined herself in the mirror after wiping the steam from it. She continued running a towel through her newly redyed brown hair. She had kept the red for a while, in memory of Nat and the happy times she had had rendezvousing with Vision. But no hair color could bring back her loved ones, and in the end, it felt right to go dark again. She swept her hair over her shoulder to get a better look at her face.

Dark circles stood out underneath her eyes, and her face was still thinner than was probably ideal. All her determination to move on could not grant her easy sleep or a healthy appetite. Her insomnia was worse than ever. Every moment spent awake in the middle of the night reminded her that the people who usually comforted her were gone. She was always grateful for her new team, but she missed Natasha’s matter-of-fact willingness to destroy her in training to take her mind off things and Steve’s steadfast, comforting presence. She avoided even a thought of Vision as much as possible. There was always Sam, who had said his door was always open, but he had enough troubles co-leading the team with Carol.

Wanda shook her head. There was nothing to be done about her losses, but she could get dressed and make herself a sandwich. When she finally emerged from her room, she found Carol walking toward her. “Good. You’re done. Tony’s lawyers are here. They want to go over the bequests from Tony’s will.”

Wanda took a moment to process the words, blinking at her. She would have assumed Tony Stark’s estate was long settled, but she supposed with the ongoing chaos even Stark’s influence and wealth could not make the system move faster. “I’ll pass. I’m sure he didn’t leave me anything.”

Carol shrugged. “They specifically requested you.”

“Fine.” She followed Carol down to one of the larger sitting rooms on the first floor. The remaining Avengers were seated while several men and women in immaculate suits stood in front of them.

The lawyers described Tony’s final wishes. There was the trust fund set up to help fund the Avengers for the foreseeable future, various gear that Tony had been designing for each member, and a number of small trinkets bestowed on Thor, who had come in specially with the Guardians for the full team training using Stormbreaker, and Rhodes. By the end of the meeting, there was only a small box left on the table in front of the lawyers. The one who had been explaining each gift said, “This is for Wanda Maximoff.”

The lawyer tentatively handed her a box and a key, attempting an ingratiating smile in Wanda’s direction. She only nodded politely at him. The box contained flash drives and a pile of papers with incomprehensible scribblings. One piece of bright red paper stuck out. She read the contents with growing dread and hope.

Maximoff,

I’d bet my new house that you won’t expect anything from my will, in the event I don’t give this to you myself. I know we never got along and never got a chance to mend fences. Maybe we were never going to, but Vision finally convinced me that it was worth trying.

That’s the real reason I’m giving this to you. I’m sorry we never managed to put him back together. First, we were afraid of failure, and then we were selfish, too caught up in our own lives and our own problems. The world’s been a mess. You’ll have a hard time believing how much. It’s nothing more than an excuse, but it’s all I have to say for myself. I was more aware of how human Vision had become than almost anyone else. I should have pushed Bruce harder to try again.

When Morgan was born, I realized how unfair I had been to Vision. At the time, I was still too focused on how he wasn’t JARVIS anymore. I didn’t appreciate all he had become until he started running away with you. By then, it felt too late to form the kind of bond we could have had.

I hope these notes go some way to making up for the past. They’re everything I know about creating JARVIS and Ultron. All the notes I made when we created Vision the first time. I also included some new ideas on how nanotechnology might be helpful in the process of repairing him. If you’re reading this, hopefully that means we won and someone can help you put this into practice. As of this writing, Vision’s body was still in Wakanda. They agreed to hold it in case the princess ever returned. She’s your best chance if I’m gone.

I wish you and Vision the best of luck. There’s another letter addressed to him at the bottom of this box if you’re able to revive him.

Well, I’ve used up my supply of sentimentality for the month. Just remember, if you and loverboy manage to have a little bundle of joy of your own, you’re obligated to name him, or her, after me. Tony or Toni works equally well.

You know who I am.

Tears were streaming down her face by the time she finished. She’d never have imagined that Tony Stark would make her cry with anything other than tears of rage. The others were all politely looking away from her while Carol handed her a tissue. With a few closing remarks, the lawyers left the room, evidently glad to have completed their task.

She just wished that she would have received this months ago, when she still had some hope that Shuri could revive Vision. The princess had told her that they had tried everything. She offered to hold him in the same room indefinitely, in case some new breakthrough came along, but Wanda declined. With everything that made Vision Vision gone and the smartest woman in the world out of ideas, she did not see the point in maintaining the charade.

She’d asked Shuri to give him a proper ceremony and let him rest in peace, and Shuri had promised she would. Still, she could at least show the notes to the princess. Wanda knew she was coming to New York tomorrow.

***

The first training session with the full team provided a welcome change of pace. Wanda loved when everyone came together, offering new tips and training styles that she didn’t often get to utilize. In the background, she saw T’Challa facing Peter Parker in hand-to-hand combat. She made a note to get some pointers later; she always admired his grace and strength. She didn’t have much more time to muse as she fended off Okoye’s staff with her own. The weapon felt clumsy in her hands, but the one rule for days such as these was that the powered needed to rely on more mundane skills, so as not to receive an unfair advantage in the fight to remain standing. The first fall meant you were out for good.

Wanda spun around only to meet Nebula’s batons. The blue woman’s blow hit at just the right angle and speed to push the staff from Wanda’s hands. She was forced to drop into a crouch to avoid Nebula’s next attack. As Wanda fluidly rose to her feet again, thanking Sam’s insistence on incorporating a bit of flexibility work into her training, she did manage to sweep her foot behind Nebula’s legs, dropping her to the ground. Nebula snarled at her, but the expression lacked any real malice.

In the free for all, Wanda quickly moved onto the next target. There was always a healthy reward for the last one standing. Hope had already dispatched Scott, who was good-naturedly cheering others on from the sidelines. Wanda had had to look away when she also tenderly helped him to his feet. Peter Quill, Bucky, Mantis, Peter Parker, Stephen, and T’Challa were out too. At the far side of the gym, Okoye suddenly brought down Valkyrie. Rhodes and Sam were fighting hand to hand. Carol was fighting Thor, their powers difficult to turn off but not using their full strength.

By the time ten more minutes had passed, Thor and Sam were also relegated to the sidelines. It was down to Okoye, Hope, Rhodes, Wanda, and Carol. Okoye and Hope were already facing off, Hope dodging nimbly away from Okoye’s staff, trying to tire her out. Carol was surveying their fight, presumably strategizing on who she would rather challenge. That left Wanda and Rhodes. Wanda approached him slowly. She and Rhodes maintained a cordial working relationship, but they had never been that close even before the break in the Avengers. His connection with Stark too prominent, no matter how unfair that may have been, as she had come to appreciate his much-needed common sense and ever-present sarcasm. Rhodes appeared to experience a similar hesitation.

But this was war. Wanda picked up a fallen staff to match the one in Rhodes’s hands. They gave each other a few experimental parries, testing and backing off. After a few minutes of that, Rhodes landed a solid blow on Wanda’s back, but she didn’t fall. She managed her own hit on his side. Out of the corner of her eye, Wanda saw Carol and Okoye teaming up against Hope. She was soon down. Carol and Okoye immediately turned to face each other.

Rhodes took advantage of Wanda’s distraction with another strike to her legs. Wanda brought her attention back to the moment, but it was too late. Rhodes knocked her down easily, hand-to-hand combat still not her greatest strength. She accepted his hand up with a grateful nod and went to join the others. Several minutes later, Carol sat next to her, leaving only Okoye and Rhodes.

The crowd grew absorbed in watching them fight. They were both fiercely competitive and felt honor-bound to represent Wakanda and the United States Air Force admirably. They danced and dodged around each other, barely making contact. After several long minutes, Okoye finally began to advance on Rhodes in earnest. Her staff was almost moving fast enough to blur before their eyes. She was preparing a final strike when Rhodes backed away just enough to cause her to overbalance.

Okoye was on her feet again before Rhodes could react. “Well done, Colonel.” Okoye’s congratulations were sincere, but she already appeared to be calculating her next attack. “It will not happen again.”

Rhodes nodded at her, one officer to another. “I wouldn’t expect it to, General.”

With a final round of congratulations all around, the sparring broke up and everyone went their separate ways before the next session.

***

Wanda hid behind a couch with Bucky and Sam as Stephen turned off the lights while they waited for Carol. Hope had offered to take her out while they decorated and prepared the food. They all remained very quiet when the front door opened. Hope asked to sit in the lounge. Their footsteps grew closer, and Carol turned on the lights. They all jumped up, shouting “Happy birthday!” and blowing kazoos.

Carol glared at them before grinning wildly. “You got me.” Finally, Maria stepped out from the corner of the room. Carol shrieked and ran toward her. They embraced and kissed each other passionately, heedless of the others in the room.

They only broke apart when Monica came up and tapped Carol on the shoulder. “Hey, Auntie Carol.”

Carol turned, leaving one arm around Maria and pulling Monica in with her free arm. “You’ve been gone too long, Lieutenant Trouble.”

“Someone has to pick up the slack with you being down here.” Monica had taken up Carol’s cosmic responsibilities when she had decided to stay on Earth for a time to help the Avengers regroup. After absorbing the energy of the Snap, she wanted to do her part in following in Carol’s footsteps. She was finally fulfilling her dream of glowing and flying. It was a source of endless teasing between them.

With the reunions out of the way, the party really got going. Everyone loaded up their plates with food and mingled among those they rarely got to see. Someone set up some music, and there was arguing as they fought for which genre to be played, eventually settling on shuffle.

Later in the night, Wanda approached Shuri, Bruce, and Helen, whose heads were bent close together. They looked up at the sound of her footsteps, jumping slightly. “Nice to see you all. How’s your project going?” She knew Shuri, Helen, and Bruce had been working closely together for more than a year, but she never was able to get any details from them.

Shuri looked unaccountably nervous. “There have been some promising new developments, but it is not complete yet.”

“That’s good to hear.” Wanda could not understand why the three scientists were glancing back and forth at each other, but she ignored the vague unease in the back of her mind in favor of doing what she set out to do. “Shuri, may I speak to you in private for a minute.”

Shuri nodded. Wanda led her to a quiet corner, moving past Sam who dancing smoothly in the middle of the room and trying to draw in as many others as he could. Meanwhile, Mantis and Nebula were talking to Bucky in the opposite corner while Valkyrie and Thor were reminiscing amid a drinking contest. Wanda decided to simply go for it. “It’s about Vision.”

“What would you like to discuss about him?”

“Yesterday, Stark’s lawyers gave us the gifts that we received in his will. He gave me all his notes from when he and Bruce created Vision the first time. He said he had some new ideas too.” Wanda’s voice began to fail her. “I know you said there was nothing to be done, but could you give it one more look?”

“Of course, Wanda. I am happy to try again.” There was an odd light in Shuri’s eyes, but Wanda didn’t question it. She could not afford to get her hopes up after all this time.

“Thank you. Come by my room before you leave, and I will have the things for you.”

They rejoined the party. Sam pulled Wanda into a dance. She was not in the mood, but Sam’s enthusiasm was infectious. Wanda soon found herself getting absorbed in the beat, dancing loosely with Sam, Carol, Maria, Bucky, and Peter Quill. There was much laughter to go around.

The party carried on late into the night. Everyone grew looser and more eager as the music shifted among the various tastes within the mansion. It wasn’t until Stephen insisted that everyone needed to get to bed in order to be ready for another full day of training that the giggling masses moved upstairs to their bedrooms.

***

A few days later, Wanda entered the kitchen to find Cassie Lang, who was visiting with Scott and Hope, eating a cookie. “Hello, Cassie.”

Cassie’s face broke into a beaming smile when she saw Wanda. “Hi!” Cassie’s enthusiasm always warmed her, who also enjoyed seeing the girl. Scott had once told her that she was Cassie’s favorite Avenger, and Wanda could never forget that Cassie liked her when the rest of the world didn’t.

“Enjoying your stay here?”

“Oh, yeah. Do you think you could put in a good word for me? I want to train to be an Avenger. I keep telling my dad and mom and Jim that I’m ready, but they won’t listen.” Cassie had discovered that she now had the ability to grow and shrink like Scott after the second Snap. It had occurred just as she was handling some spare Pym particles that Scott had left behind in his wagon of possessions. Scott and the rest of the Avengers had been trying to help Cassie handle her new powers without becoming a member of the team.

Wanda had been on Cassie’s side of this conversation too often when she first joined the team not have sympathy for her position. Cassie was not a child, and it was galling to be treated as one when you weren’t. But she’d also had enough talks with Scott on the other side of the equation and enough experience with growing up too young to believe that she should appreciate her childhood.

“Cassie, I’d be happy to help train you, but you have all the time in the world to be an Avenger. You’re sixteen. You have a few more years to enjoy yourself before you have to worry about saving the world. Besides,” she leaned in confidentially across the counter, “you’d also have to convince Sam and Carol, and they’re not that easy.”

Cassie frowned at her response, but quickly recovered. “Could you teach me how to throw away that tank like you did a few weeks ago?”

Wanda sent the girl a mock glare. “That was supposed to be top secret.” A warlord had gathered an army and a number of stolen weapons and was marching on a much smaller neighbor when the Avengers were called in. She and Carol had each dispatched one of the tanks while the others had focused on negotiating with the leadership. Wanda was proud of their operation resulting in not a single shot being fired. It was the first time Wanda’s full powers had been drawn on since the final battle against Thanos. It had been both exhilarating and terrifying in a way. She was still not fully recovered from the strain. But they had tried to hush the whole thing up as much as possible to prevent further destabilization in the region.

“Sorry,” she said, not sounding particularly apologetic, “I begged my dad to tell me about the latest mission.”

“Well, it was pretty awesome.” Wanda grinned at her, and Cassie giggled. “Just don’t tell all your friends at school.”

“I won’t.” Cassie paused for a minute and looked at her hopefully. “But since I already know will you tell me more?”

Wanda was easily convinced, glad to have someone she could share stories with who didn’t already know everything. “Sure, let’s go to the library. I’ll tell you all about it.” Cassie bounced on her toes and followed Wanda eagerly.

 A/N: It seems to me like the energy pulse they mentioned several times in Endgame is a good way to introduce other enhanced individuals, so I used it as the method of both Monica and Cassie gaining their powers.

I am under the impression that Thor can now summon the Bifrost, and that is how he brought the Guardians to Earth quickly and easily.

Also, I imagine the hand to hand sparring could go a number of different ways, particularly if the enhanced were focused on not using their powers, so I just picked one outcome.

Finally, I forgot to mention this earlier, but if any part of the story is ever unclear or confusing, please feel free to ask what is going on, and I will be happy to answer/make edits to the chapter. I have a lot of ideas built up in my head that I may sometimes forget to actually convey on the page.

[chronically-something]

Dear Speaker Ryan and the GOP, Here's a picture of me waiting to learn the details of your planned cuts to Preexisting conditions protection & Disability, while I was getting my 6hr immunotherapy/chemo infusion today. 

When I got home, I wrote you a letter: 

(via Chronically-Something.com) - 

Dear @SpeakerRyan and the @GOP,

Here’s a picture of me waiting to learn the details of how the #AHCA would impact my healthcare via #preexistingconditions & #Disability, taken while I get my 6hr immunotherapy/chemo infusion. Treatment for my progressing, incurable, neurodegenerative, autoimmune disease.

Just so you know, without the #ACA I wouldn’t have healthcare coverage at all and, after a grueling 6 years of trying every medication available for Multiple Sclerosis, and having them fail, I wouldn’t have access to the immunotherapy concoction that has allowed me to remain mobility and keep my eyesight from failing regularly.

When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I had no healthcare coverage in the US. I was studying overseas and came home for a friend’s wedding. Then I went blind in one eye. I tried to ignore the symptoms for a week, hoping they might go away, knowing I had no healthcare coverage and couldn’t afford an ER visit. A week later, it got worse, and I spent 7 days in the hospital. 7 days that would start a stream an insane number of tests, seizures, falling, and more. I could barely find a doctor that would see me, and all of this was paid out of pocket. The bills were insane, in the thousands within a month or so. This process took everything I had, literally and figuratively.  It was only thanks to SSI disability assistance that I was able to find a place to live and feed myself.

Yes, SSI disability not SSDI.  It turns out, the time I spent working for the state, and a state-funded agency that didn’t pay into social security, meant I was just 2 quarters short of the required amount of work to receive full disability coverage. Those 5 years of work didn’t count, and there was nothing I could do about it despite being 15 when I got my first job. I was more than broke. I was in debt. Trying to be a good citizen, I paid my bills with everything I had, including student loans I had intended to use to finish my degree. It was thanks to the incredible kindness of my friends - one of whom allowed me to live on her floor for over a year - that I wasn’t homeless. All this while learning that I now had a diagnosed, therefore preexisting, neurodegenerative disease. Lucky for me, the #ACA took effect, and thanks to it, while having nothing at all to my name, I was able to get healthcare. Finally, after almost a year of accruing medical debt.

The reality of my situation, and the unpredictable nature of Multiple Sclerosis and its impact on my ability to function well enough for any regular job, means that I must remain below the poverty level in order to remain on healthcare and have a roof over my head, something that you seem to believe is a luxurious life I’m living on the tax payer’s dime. Every month I hope I am able to make ends meet, maintain my independence, and have to remind myself that I am a worthy member of society and I deserve treatment for my condition.

I haven’t even mentioned the reality of learning that my brain was eating itself alive. That I would slowly get sicker and sicker, likely end up immobile, and a million other things that come with life with Multiple Sclerosis (and the co-morbid autoimmune diseases I hadn’t yet realized I had). The reality of my condition was enough to bear. The treatments, side effects, and ever-increasing failure of my body was enough trauma to induce its own medical PTSD, but again I continued on thanks to determination, desperation, and the kindness of the people around me. I haven’t talked about the half-written dissertation that held all the passion of years of work that would be my career, how I would change lives, and that will never be finished now. All of this is an aside to this conversation, but gives a bit of context through which you can view what I’m telling you.

When the #ACA passed I had visions of future policy discussions, dialogues about improving the system, maybe even seeing disabled Americans of all backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, racial/ethnic backgrounds as deserving of QUALITY of life, not just those humans you’ve ‘given the privilege to continue to live’. I had such incomprehensible thoughts about being seen as someone who has a contribution to make regardless of my health, that the United States is a place where you are supported when you’re struggling, and thought maybe we can do that in a way that helps people flourish. Ridiculous, right?  I can hear you laughing.

You and your party have proven those thoughts to be nothing more than laughable, a pipe dream. Beyond that, you’ve decided it’s time to revoke that ‘privilege to live’ you bestowed upon me. That fear you use as a tool was so successful this election- that fear you instilled in so many. Fear of the other, the struggling, the afraid; fear of those whose lives have hit rock bottom or lives that could be beautiful but require a long-term helping hand. With that fear fostered, hate and blame given the biggest of platforms, you have decided now might be time to take back that privilege to live. Yep, you might wanna revoke that ‘hand out’ because anyone of us ‘could be’ choosing a life of poverty, stealing from the hard-working Americans …that we aren’t… because we need help. You embrace this, I suppose you always have, and use it in your daily dialogue discussing which of us truly deserve the help we need to simply survive and what, in your opinion, isn’t really essential to our existence.

So today, as has been the case for the last 6 months, I sat and watched my life discussed as something we may just have to sacrifice so wealthy people can be wealthier and you can have a win for your party and the president. Congrats, it has dominated the news cycle in such a way that every mention of the #AHCA leaves me on the verge of a panic attack. That probably sounds silly to you. Probably because nothing you just read is new information or particularly meaningful to you and your goals. My story doesn’t evoke empathy beyond that momentary trained reaction to someone’s sad story.

No, my story doesn’t remind you that this is the story of a huge number of Americans that you represent, or of human beings in need of support. It doesn’t even help you connect your policy goals to the fact that this is something that could happen to anyone, to someone you love, or even to you. The truth is, you are fully aware of all the things I have discussed here. You’ve heard stories like mine, you know people like me. The truth is that you understand what your tax cuts and health care plans mean to someone like me. You repeat these party lines about maintaining accessibility despite cuts, caring about pre-existing conditions by claiming we will always have ‘access’ since insurance companies won’t be allowed to refuse us outright. You repeat this over and over, completely aware of the difference between availability and accessibility. I can’t honestly believe that you do not understand the difference. I cannot believe that you’d assume the homeless man standing by the door to a restaurant you are walking into has access to dining there, simply because he can walk through the door. You are intelligent men.

All of this leads me to conclude that you must truly lack empathy for a good portion of your fellow Americans. It seems reasonable to assume that you care more about your reputation and political power than the lives of others. At the very least, it is incredibly easy for you to forget we exist. You won’t see the blood on your hands if you accomplish even half of your goals, and THAT is the scariest part of all of this.

So enjoy this picture. I am back home now and will be spending the night on the bathroom floor. Be aware, at least one of the moments I find myself retching in the toilet tonight will be at the thought of such incredibly thoughtless, heartless, men and women, celebrating the idea that they may be able to “rid the American taxpayers of the burden” of me and people like me.

Sincerely,

NFN- A Chronically Ill, Disabled, Latina who Votes

P.s. Please feel free to prove me wrong on all points. I’m an open minded person and always willing to rethink my opinions, maybe you are too.