#vintage bath and body works fall candles

[y2kbeautyandother2000sstuff]

Bath and Body Works Fall Edition Chubbies Votives in Orchard Fresh Pear, Blissful Blackberry, Spiced Vanilla and Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin

Fall 1999-2000ish

Found on Ebay, user rospag7

[wroteclassicaly]

When you’re on the cusp of sleep and Eddie says, “Let’s get these panties off.”

You’re mewling a little, nodding sleepily, eyes closed, face pressed into the blue laundered fabric of Steve’s pillow. Steve Harrington, your shared boyfriend & partner, currently to your right, helping Eddie by taking the left side of your panties above defined digits and pulling. Once at your ankles, you help them slide off, immediately allowing your legs to fall open, wetness clicking as your folds separate noisily, messily.

“Jesus H. Christ, what a whore,” Eddie mumbles, already undoing his belt to relieve some friction.

“Explains why she slept topless for us to get home and find her, huh, Munson?” Steve responds, amused, eyes glazed over and sparkling beneath the reflective moonlight of the room, also lit up by streetlights.

You’d kept the window open to let in one of the last cool night’s summer breezes, eagerly approaching fall temperatures. The sweat of all day work lingers on your boyfriend’s, combined with outside, and that little bit remaining of a candle you’d lit for your night time bath. A present they’d gotten you at a vintage thrift shop, cedarwood, apple, and a little blended maple.

As they take their places beside you, eager to indulge in your body, you thank everything in this universe that they’re yours.

[whorecrux-of-slytherin]

Slytherin Boys try to impress you with their idea of an ideal date.

(part.1) : Draco | Blaise | Theodore

Warning - mentions of kissing, slight toxic behaviour if you squint. This is not proof read, so kindly ignore any grammatical errors or typos

a/n . I have only included Draco, Blaise and Theo in this because if I add the rest of them ( Enzo, Matheo and Tom ) it'll be far too long. But for the most part I'm too lazy to write for everyone in one go. I don't mind writing a part 2 if someone requests. Also yes I made the mini mood boards 😌

Kindly do not copy my work.

DRACO MALFOY:

Draco Malfoy is the definition of generational wealth, so there's no doubt that he'd plan something romantic and lavish to spoil his partner.

He's not the best at expressing his feelings through words, so he loves making grand gestures in spoiling you. This is his way to show his upbringing and heritage; that he is worthy of your time and can treat you right.

Firstly he would pick you up personally then gift you a bouquet of your favourite flowers & something exquisite, like some custom made jewelry -an elegant bracelet maybe.

He'd go all out and book a private roof- top classic candle light dinner at the most famous and exclusive wizarding restaurants with the perfect view of the Eiffel tower in Paris. He'll hold your hand across the table, gently rub circles and occasionally give it a kiss. He also arranges for a pianist to play your favourite pieces.

After dinner, he would surprise you with a suite at a luxurious hotel to spend the night together. He'd run you both a bath and wash your hair for you while you enjoy some champagne and the most delicious macaroons you've ever had.

BLAISE ZABINI :

Blaise may come off as the most unbothered slytherin boy and honestly speaking, he is. But not when it comes to you.

You are special to him and he'd make it a point that you know. To prove this he would opt for an unconventional but romantic date night idea.

I just feel that he'd know how to drive a charmed car and owns a wide collection of vintage cars ( few from his ex step -fathers' as well). So he would take you on a romantic drive in the evening on his favourite classic vintage Porsche.

Both of you spend the night driving through the night sky watching the city lights of London; making conversations about what you like the most about each other.

Then he'd make a stop at one of his favourite spots secluded from the city to spend time watching you gaze at the stars and cuddling to get warmth from each other's bodies while he hums a soft tune.

He'd then drop you home safely but not before he kisses you passionately and say those three special words for the very first time.

THEODORE NOTT:

Theo is the pretty boy of the group. He is no doubt loaded with money- their family basically mints money for Gringotts from generations (so duh-) but he doesn't like to flash it the way Draco does.

He uses the 'dead mother' card to pull girls but in reality, he is quite the player. Deep down he at times, craves for female validation or attention. So he surrounds himself with different girls every few weeks so that he wouldn't get too attached to them.

But then he meets you and he just knows that you're the one for him. So he chases you down until you fall for him and now he wants to surprise you with the perfect date idea.

He invites you to his holiday home in Italy for the first time. The place where he grew up until his mother's death when he was 7 years old. He shows you around the huge property facing the sea and telling you about his childhood adventure there and secretly hopes that he would one day get to spend his life there with you.

He would then cook you dinner himself. Spaghetti- in the traditional Italian way with some vintage wine from his family's vineyard in the countryside.

..........................................................................................

Thanks for reading! 🤍

Do like, share and comment down about your thoughts 🤔💭

Who would you go on a date with and why?? 🐍

[monkberryfields]

3, 7, 26!

Hello friend!! Long time no see! Hope you've been well!

I answered 26!

3. what's your favorite candle scent?

OOO, okay I really like the clean and very cologne-esque candles. Like the candle I just burned was Bath and Body Works Dark Amber and Oud (which how tf are you supposed to say that??).

During the fall, I like the more fall scented candles but not like too overtly "baked goods" candles. Very subtle fall scents I like. I've also been lighting a candle called "cherries in the snow" which was my mom's favorite candle scent. A more wintery scent but I like it!!

7. what color brings you peace?

Definitely sage green and dark blues. They remind me of vintage stuff, plants, the sea, and stars.

Thank you for the asks!!

[thevillain-s]

Halloween Prep. Vintage Halloween 

[hatersbehaters4ever]

[sirendusk]

Modern gods

I tried to portray them in an accurate but original way, speaking also about the things that are often overlooked

Zeus: lightning cracking the sky, going to the theater with your soulmate, rebelling for a right cause, laughing out loud, the most human of them all, family dinners, a walk in the mountains, the calm before a storm, sudden change of emotions

Hera: white dresses, bubble baths, staring at the milky way, peacock feathers hanged in your room, knowing you’re way more than what you show, diamonds in your hair, crying alone in the bathroom, still being the one people look up to

Poseidon: crabs that go back in the sea, drinking a cocktail on the beach, dance lessons, always understanding people’s emotions, sketching on books, listening to the waves to hear their secrets, riding a horse near the ocean, temperamental

Hades: holding hands, feeling the comfort of the darkness, a glimpse of past memories, a black dog watching and protecting you, knowing that everything is temporary and loving every second of it, embers, no one actually knows what’s in their mind, psychology books

Artemis: the moon on a winter sky, seeing a deer in the woods, wind in your hair, helping a child or a wounded person, feeling the stars on your skin, nocturnal walks, white moss, eyes that have seen more than you can imagine, making herbal tea

Apollo: sun warming your skin, laughing with your friends, having weird dreams, music that comforts your soul, trying on new clothes that make you feel confident, a hot summer’s day, glowing skin, even the shadows are their friends

Athena: libraries filled with old books, cuddling a cat, eyes grey like storms, going to the restaurant alone, staring at the horizon, being at war not with people but with your own thoughts, good at anything, gold earrings, dad’s favourite

Hephaestus: fireworks, advocating for disabled people, drawing with charcoal, smiling hearing your friend’s story, a vintage matchbox , sadly overlooked, eating chestnuts, autumn leaves, disappearing for days to work on a project

Demeter: caring so much about others, sitting under a tree, playing with your pet, poppies behind your ears, the countryside in summer, putting honey in milk, meditation in the morning, flower garlands, touching the earth, giving the best hugs

Aphrodite: walks by the sea, rose scented love letters, a free spirit, art museums, falling in love with life, small fish in a pond, canopy beds, wiping off tears with kisses, she knows what you think but she’s not gonna tell anyone, a presence that smells like incense and vanilla

Ares: leather gloves, late nights at the pub, rock n roll concerts, hickeys, knowing when something is wrong, cutting your hair at home, staring at your girlfriend because she’s just too beautiful, impulsive actions, a strong feminist, people don’t like them at first

Hestia: healing abilities, untouched beauty, making cookies for your friends, glowing eyes, making your room a sanctuary, putting lavender and amethyst under your pillow, reading for fun, lighting a candle, a welcoming smile, wearing your heart on the sleeve

Hermes: reading poetry in a bar, being able to manage any situation, social chamaleon, winning a race you trained hard for, funny jokes told in a ear, your parents’ favourite, flirting with your friends, lemonade, beach volley, caring about social issues

Dyonisus: drama lessons, leopard fur coat, feeling your body pervaded by energy, loyal to your loved ones, knowing what’s on the other side, embracing chaos, speaking by metaphors, red wine on your lips, laying drunk on a sofa

[lovemesomesurveys]

🍁Autumn Asks🍂 Amber - what's something you do every day? Take my medicine. 

Blankets - sweaters or fuzzy blankets? I like both. I love the coziness of fall and winter. 

Boo - ghosts or witches? Ghosts. 

Bundled - describe your ideal date. I think like a cafe date or strolling around in a cute little town with vintage and unique shops and bookstores. 

Camping - do you like s'mores? Yes. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve had one, though. 

Candy Corn - what's your favorite candy? Reese’s, KitKats, M&Ms, Twix, white chocolate, candy corn. 

Cardigans - favorite autumn colors? Orange, yellow, red, brown.

Crow - what's an unpopular opinion you have on autumn? Pumpkin spice is bleh. 

Creature Comforts - cats or dogs (or other)? Dogs. 

Comfy - plaid shirts or demin jackets? Plaid shirts. 

Costume - do you like to dress up for Halloween? Do you have a go to costume? I used to, but I stopped dressing up like 6 years ago. I don’t go anywhere or do anything anymore except stay at home and watch scary movies while I snack on candy. I also just haven’t had the energy or motivation to dress up.  

Cold Hands - are you single or in a relationship? I’m single. 

Cozy - describe your ideal fall day. I love when it rains and also when I can smell that wood burning smell. 

Dream - describe your perfect au. I lived somewhere where it had real fall seasons (unlike where I live in California) and it’s cool year round (again, unlike California where it’s hot majority of the time). I also love towns with cute shops and cafes. 

Evergreen - do you like Christmas trees? I love Christmas trees. 

Fireplace - do you decorate for fall? Sometimes. I really wanted to go big this year and do a lot of seasonal/holiday stuff, it’s been a really rough year for me and I’m dealing with a lot of health stuff right now so I’m not able to. I had been slacking the past few years as it was due to health stuff and now this year, especially the past several months, it’s been really rough. 

Fresh Air - what's something you're thankful right now? My family. 

Frost- anything you're looking forward to? Even though I’m not able to do much, I’m still looking forward to the next few months in regards to the holidays as well as fall and winter.  

Giving - do like giving or receiving gifts more? Receiving is nice of course, but I truly love getting gifts for my family. 

Halloween - what's your favorite Halloween tradition? Watching scary movies, putting up decorations, and eating Halloween themed candy and treats.

Handmade - do you like making presents? I’m not creative/crafty/artistic enough to do that. 

Harvest - do you like going to autumn festivals? I did when I was a kid, like the ones they had at the school. 

Hearth - ideal home? Spacious enough for 4 adults and a doggo, hardwood floors, a balcony, big backyard and a nice patio deck. 

Holidays - do you prefer Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas? I enjoy all three, but Christmas is my all time favorite. 

Intricate - what's a subject you have random knowledge about? Some Disney stuff. 

Joking - favorite silly joke? I’m just a sucker for corny/punny/cheesy/dad joke type humor. 

Kids - do you like trick or treating? I loved it as a kid. Hell, I still went trick or treating a few times as a teenager. 

Laces - knee high boots or fuzzy boots? I like ankle boots. 

Leaves - favorite candle scent? I love the autumnal scents from Bath & Body Works. 

Maze - apple picking or pumpkin patch? Pumpkin patch. 

Macabre - you have peculiar interests? I don’t think so?

Novel - favorite book? I could never choose just one. 

Oven - what's your favorite holiday thing to bake? I like making and decorating sugar cookies, cupcakes, and the easy bake Pillsbury sugar cookies. 

Pie - what's your favorite type of pie? I just like cheesecake and banana creme pie. 

Pinecone - are you crafty? No.

Potpourri - tell us something random about you. I like to color. 

Pumpkins - do you like to carve pumpkins? Any favorite designs? Yes and no. Cleaning out the “guts” from the inside is a pain and when I carve they don’t come out that great, even if I use a stencil. 

Pumpkin Spice - favorite seasonal drink? I love hot coffee year round, but I like some of the seasonal drinks from Starbucks like the apple crisp macchiato and the peppermint white chocolate mocha. I miss when they had the toasted graham latte and the butterscotch latte. 

Quiet - how do you relax? I attempt to relax by doing stuff like this, watching TV, watching YouTube, reading, listening to ASMR, sleeping. It’s hard for me to really relax, though.

Rain - favorite type of weather? Fall and winter weather. 

Sweaters - what's your go to fall outfit? I used to wear a lot of plaid and boots, but the past few years my attire became just graphic tees and leggings. I love sweatshirts and hoodies as well.

Spooky - do you believe in the supernatural? Yes.

Scary - what's your favorite scary movie? I have several favorites, but among the top are the Halloween, Scream, and It films. There’s so much more, though. 

Socks - do you wear socks to bed? Yeah. 

Syrup - waffles or pancakes? I like both, but waffles are better. 

Tasty - do you have a comfort food? Ramen, Wingstop, sweets. These days since I can’t eat much (I was supposed to have this test done so I can hopefully start eating more, but my doctor scheduled me for the wrong test and we have to reschedule... I’ve been waiting to get it done for over a month now) my comfort foods have been mashed potatoes and gravy, cream of wheat, cheesecake, and ice cream. 

Tea - what's something that soothes you? Being at the beach and watching/listening to the waves crash in and out, feeling the ocean breeze, and smelling the ocean air. 

Trees - are you in school? What do you study? No, I’m done with school. 

Trains - if you could spend the fall anywhere, where would you go? Hmm. I’d have to think about that. Somewhere like I’ve described already that has actual falls and the cute shops. 

Thanksgiving - do you celebrate Thanksgiving? What traditions so you have? Yes. My brother and I take care of the appetizers and my mom makes the turkey and sides. We eat together and watch a movie. 

Ultimate - describe your best holiday experience. Holidays as a kid were the best. 

Vintage - favorite decade? The 90s for sure.

Warmth - bonfires or indoor fires? I like both.

Yule - what's one wish you have for this holiday season? I hope I’m able to do some things by Christmastime. 

Zeal - what is something you go all out for? I used to go all out for the holidays in regards to decorating, but I haven’t been able to do as much these past few years. 

[touyasdoll]

Hey Ash-babe!❤️

SO! I had two scenes that came to mind for ya prompt an’ this is what worked best. The other involved more sexy scenes but the fundamentals behind ‘em required too much brain processin’ for what I’m able to supply. Also, I ain’t had much going on in voicing Jirou’s character before so thats made all the little bits more challenging to figure out. Maybe someday…

Anyways! Here ya go, babe! 💕🥂🎉 Congrats on the milestones once again!

— I.R. 🥰💖

—————

It was hard, holding back the choked off laugh that threatened to escape you as you took in the sight before you. It was… it was something alright. Your once pristine kitchen was an utter wreck, making for ‘that something’ to be a disaster.

“Love,” you stated, a small snicker falling past your lips as you spoke,”I think I’m the only one in this relationship that’s allowed to bake in addition to cooking.”

Jirou just sat there, staring up at the cupcake pan that was somehow stuck to the ceiling in a mix of despair and disbelief.

“Yeah…”she said weakly, her eyes not looking away from the ceiling despite all the other messes of disbelieving proportions that littered the kitchen. “…that’s fair.”

“You-you can make tea?” you offered with a smile, pushing the laugher down finally in an attempt to be helpful, to comfort her. It probably would’ve worked, too, if the dish towel, that had also somehow gotten stuck on to the ceiling, didn’t choose that exact moment to fall down — landing precisely on top of Kyōka’s head and covering her entire face.

You couldn’t help it. A snort escaped and soon full blown laughter, giggles had brought you to your knees as you collapsed against the side of the hallway wall. You were so overcome with the hilarity of it all that you missed the fond smile that broke out over your girlfriend’s face as she tugged the towel off her head and looked away from the cooking catastrophe above of her own making.

By the Gods, did she ever love you.

It was why she was baking the cupcakes, after all. Her love, her adoration for you — and your mind, soul, voice, hands, body, taste, scent, laughter, etc. and so on — lead her to purchase a small box, now tucked safely away in her messenger bag. A small box that contained a small ring. A small ring that was supposed to sit atop a tower of cupcakes. Your favorite cupcakes, actually. At least, that had been Kyōka’s plan before whatever went awry went awry. She still doesn’t know exactly what happened herself.

“Glad my pain amuses you so,”she deadpanned at you once your laughter subsided. The quirk of her lips assured you that there wasn’t any heat behind the words.

“Oh, I needed that!”you exclaimed, pushing yourself up and walking towards her, pulling her in for prolonged peck on the lips. “Mmm. Yummy~“

She blushed at the action and then huffed. Years of being exposed to your natural insistence of PDA having made her reflex of embarrassment wane into almost nothing and what didn’t wane was quickly gotten over. She took a look around the kitchen and shook her head. “Yeah, they were supposed to be.”

“How about I help you clean up and then we order in tonight?”

“Yes. Hell yes,”she instantly agreed, not wanting to be in the kitchen for longer than necessary after everything.

You snickered at her dramatically exhausted response. “I’ll try coaxing my pan down and you start on the cabinets and counters. Then we can both do the dishes, mop and dust up.”

“Ma’am, yes ma’am”,she teased in good spirits once again, giving a sloppy salute. Maybe she could still propose with some improvisation after dinner…

A long bath sounded like a good idea already, if she snuck upstairs for a moment between eating then it wouldn’t take too long to place out some candles. Candles and that luxury bathset that Momo had given you both last week when she came back from vacation. Kyōka could arrange it around the little box, opened with the ring on display? Not her original intention for the evening, but hey — heroes need to know how to think on their feet (she doubts this is even remotely what Aizawa-sensei hoped those skills he drilled into their heads would be used for, but they’re being used so there). A crystal clear image was already forming in her mind.

And if a long, candle lit bath with you ended up with something more, spilling out into the bedroom and onto the bed, later leaving you two needing a shower later, well, she wouldn’t be complaining.

And if she wasn’t complaining later, then you certainly weren't about to either. Especially not, considering you had let your girlfriend go ahead of you to the upstairs while you lingered down still, all just so you could arranged your own proposal with your vintage record player in the living room.

And if you both just happened to trade off on the same braincells for the rest of the weekend, then that was your business. You both had gotten the entire weekend off for a reason, dammit, and all your friends knew well enough to not drop by without calling first when you ensured time off. Not unless they wanted a show, to join or end up with a broken nose in one unfortunate surprise case that Kaminari does not talk about.

But that was for later. Right now was for cleaning up the cupcakes that never were and throwing soap bubbles at the one you each loved more than life itself.

— END.

Disney references? What Disney references? ❤️😘

wait you actually wrote this for me? 🥺💜😭 this is the cutest thing that I have ever fucking read & I love it so, so much ahh thank you!!

[sleepyhollowheart]

types of girls: eye color

girls with gray eyes: overcast skies, dream logs, that time of year when summer is just turning to fall, driving at night on the highway with the windows down, green tea, husky voices, long limbs, poetry and dark circles, knee socks and oversized sweaters, long stories, photographs of secret, hidden places, comfortable silence and content sighs, slows down to match your pace, willow trees and the woods, the sound of pages turning and the smell of libraries, warm heart and cold hands, slow kisses on your collarbone, lazy morning sex and quick showers and soul mates, dark chocolate, earthy tones, “be the change you wish to see in the world”, getting lost in her passion, window seats, fiddles with jewelry absentmindedly, knitted blankets she made herself, speaks her mind, has a hard time letting go.

girls with brown eyes: soft pink sweaters, clammy hands, feverish heart, and nervous giggles, blue skies and turning up the music as far as it can go. Sweet tea, jet black calligraphy on pastel walls, rose gold, pockets on dresses, late nights and cuddling and bodies that fit together like puzzle pieces, short legs taking two steps at a time to catch up, being swallowed in bear hugs, 3 a.m. texts, floral arrangements in a small downtown shop, cotton candy perfume, bubble baths, rough sex and naughty lingerie, unread books with catchy titles and pretty covers, driving through the city lights at night, eye shadow that sparkles, white cats with fluffy tails, leggings, “what happens, happens”, new music and new hobbies, handwritten letters in the mail, bean bags and glass vanities, laying in bed watching cartoons all day and then going somewhere nice for dinner and drinking fuzzy navels till its late.

girls with blue eyes: hot, hot summers and flower crowns, iced coffees and espresso, skater dresses and tanned legs and wanting a love like in the romance novel tucked in her purse, high heels and freckles, art museums with the AC too high and canvases with cold minimalism but a fiery heart and a hot head, the smell of magazine perfume and full days in her planner and learning a new language for fun. Giant comfy beds but deep sex against the wall, falls in love with his laugh and the way his eyes crinkle, shopping dates and falling asleep on the trip home, starry nights and rows of flickering candles around the bathtub and a tattoo meant only for her eyes, “it’s a good day to have a good day”.

girls with green eyes: romantic gardens and bullet journals, hot chocolate with fat marshmallows on chilly days, open yards and paths that stretch for miles, adventures to unexplored places and flea market finds, craft projects and puzzles spread across a vintage wood table, teaching a friend something new, breweries and breakfast in the afternoon, movie nights, paisley and cinnamon, picnics and cat naps in the sun, “keep nothing in your home that does not bring you joy or have meaning”, warm heart, open arms, glances from beneath her lashes, bonfires and home-cooked meals, long, long hair and doe eyes, vanilla sex but dirty jokes, scrapbooks and boxes of memories, dresser drawers full of warm blankets, fairy lights on the porch.

girls with hazel eyes: mochas and cafes and kicking up leaves, stickers on her laptop, denim jackets and band t-shirts, lacy panties and neck kisses and sex in the car on the beach at night, watercolors and cloudy days and lost to the world with her headphones. Too shy to confess to her crush. Thick brows and cupids bows and half smiles and glasses she can hide behind. Traveling by airplane and pristine-clean hotels. Messenger bags covered in buttons of her favorite things, sharpie sketches in a notebook, sugar scrubs and lavender soap and neat handwriting, lonely meals and quiet moments to herself, bakeries and coffee shops and bar stools and people-watching through the shop window, “you mess with my friends, you mess with me”, says little, thinks a lot, laughs loud, long-distance relationships and early mornings with black coffee and messy hair, holding hands and leaning down to kiss her, falling asleep on the sofa with a good book, “Roses of Yesterday” by Tony Bennett playing softly on the radio on her way to work, cobalt blue and velvet.

[y2kbeautyandother2000sstuff]

Bath and Body Works Kitchen Spice and Fresh Ginger Lime Pillar Candles

1990s

Found on Ebay, user *seventeenseconds*

[pixsmagic01]

The 10 Fall outfit 2022 you must try!

No work stress, just you the treats, sweet candles, bubble baths, and you!

Rejoice and replenish while it lasts!

Giving your body the relaxation it deserves after all the hard work you put in each day while drizzling some light Hawaiian body oil later, surrounded by the lovely aroma of apple cider candles or pumpkin spice reed diffuser!

All of this is taking place in a calm, gloomy bathroom, with a Spotify playlist for the fall season playing in the distance. It’s the fall season!!! And here are some outfits you can try! 1. Maeve Cassandra Maxi Dress

2. Puff-Sleeved Midi Dress

3. Sachin and Babi Ivy Dress

4. Robin Tiered Mini Dress

5. Anything Upcycled and Vintage

6. Printed Chiffon Maxi Dress

7. Belted Floral-Print Midi Dress

8. Luxe Leather

9. Statement Boots

10. Sheer Moments

To read more, log onto geekybypixsmagic !!!

[pawjamas]

Also thank you, the store I work at had a candle room but they ripped it away from us during the renovation (cruelty) so a lot of our Yankee Candles went on sale and the one I feel in love with was Tangerine Vanilla. My classic favorites have always been anything fruit-scented, but I have a birch candle I enjoy as well. There’s a BIG Yankee Candle store in Deerfield Mass. that has rooms with different themes that I used to go to pretty often (there’s a butterfly conservatory down the street as well that I would go to as well) and last time I was there (last August- I’ve since moved so won’t be going again until next year at the earliest) I got some room plug-ins that were fall scented, so during spring I was like well my room smells fresh I don’t need any spring/summer ones but since summer has rolled in my room has returned to being a bit of a stuffy attic so I don’t think I would mind some fall scents like the berry lemonade or something. The closest Yankee Candle store here is in the state capital about an hour and a half away, back when I lived up north there was one in the mall 20 minutes from my house 😔 I did go to our mall today because I learned Bath and Body Works released their Halloween collection but honestly I don’t really have use for anything there right now. We have the soap dispenser we got from there last year that was a single use one my mom just keeps filling with replacement soap. The “Vampire Blood” theme doesn’t really fit our light, airy, pastel, butterfly, beach, etc. themed bathroom but like hey whatever man. Also went to Hot Topic but in recent years they have less and less I’m really interested in. I think I want to grab a Hellfire shirt from online but less and less I feel like I could easily spend $100 in one go. I kind of just go in, like around, go “this isn’t me”, and then just kind of leave. Most stuff I get really excited for now are online merch drops from like bands or YouTubers or something.

-Silver

ohh that giant yankee candle store w/ themed rooms sounds so nice 🥺 fruit scents are definitely nice and a good choice ! i typically go for soft cozy scents (typically baked good themed) and sometimes floral scents. that butterfly conservatory sounds amazing also, i went to a butterfly greenhouse w/ my gf a couple months back and it was rlly fun ^^

it’s unfortunate hot topic has kinda decreased in having good stuff to buy over the years.. i think most recently i got a pastel pink vintage strawberry shortcake shirt from them but i completely agree there really isn’t much that interests me that they’re selling anymore. the hellfire shirt sounds cool tho :3 it’s honestly easier to just buy stuff online anyways, i know i’ve found several things i’ve especially liked to only be online exclusive (looking @ build a bear specifically)

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Christmas in Connecticut-Chapter 17

In this chapter:

It's Christmas morning and everyone is excited.

Nicole needs some advice and she turns to Sharon and Colleen for a mother to mother heart to heart--mostly Sharon.

You can find this chapter here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13293105/chapters/31597614

or here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789981/17/Christmas-in-Connecticut

or here:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light From now on our troubles will be out of sight Have yourself a merry little Christmas Make the Yule-tide gay From now on our troubles will be miles away

Here were are as in olden days happy golden days of yore Faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together If the Fates allow Hang a shining star upon the highest bough And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

****

Snuggled down deep under the down comforter with the furnace that was Andy spooning her from behind, Sharon woke to sound of little feet in the hall, excited whispers and sleepy voices urging quiet. She smiled and stretched a little. Normally she would have cuddled back in against her man and fought for another hour of sleep, but it was Christmas morning and though it had dawned dark and cold, she felt a frisson of excitement run down her spine. When she lifted the blind on the window next their bed, the sun was beginning to rise over the Sound and she saw that they had received another few inches of snow overnight, the evergreens heavy with it. Winter Wonderland, indeed. Rolling back over she pressed her lips to Andy’s shoulder. He stopped snoring but didn’t awaken.

“Annn…dy” she drew out his name softly, continuing to press little kisses along his neck up to his jaw. “Andy,” she said again, this time drawing her fingertip down from his forehead over his nose. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled when he saw her leaning over him. “Merry Christmas,” she said, just before she kissed him.

He lifted a hand, brushing the tangle of her hair back off her face. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” he mumbled, his voice raspy with sleep.

“I heard the boys, I think they’ll be in here soon to get us up so they can unwrap their presents.”

“You’re the only present I want to unwrap.”

“Yes, well…” She shivered as he slid a hand up under her pajama top, tickling the skin on her belly. “I think you might have to wait until tonight for that particular present.”

“I don’t like to wait.”

She laughed and kissed the tip of his nose.  He sounded just like an impatient little boy. “No kidding.”

A soft knock on their door drew them apart. “Dad, Sharon, are you awake?”

“Barely. Come on in, Nic.”

Nicole opened the door slightly, saw that they were indeed awake and allowed Ty and Scottie to run in and jump up on the bed.

“Santa came! Santa came!” the boys cried out while bouncing up and down.

“You were right,” Tyler said to Sharon. “Santa did find us in Connecticut. Just like he used to find Ricky and Emily.”

Scottie hopped off the bed. “Come on Papa Andy. “ He grabbed Andy’s hand attempting to pull him out of bed. Before Andy could move, Guinness came running into the room and jumped up on the bed, stomping all over them to get to their faces so he could cover them with wet, smelly dog kisses. Sharon squealed and pulled the covers up over her head.

“All right, all right, you little hooligans. We’re getting up. Guinness down.” The big Golden Retriever responded to the authority in Andy’s voice and jumped off the bed. Andy then rose and lifted Tyler down before pulling the covers back off a giggling Sharon. “Coast is clear.”

“My hero.” She took the hand he offered and swung out of bed. “Who else is up?” She asked an amused Nicole.

“Everyone but your kids.”

Andy looked at the boys with a mischievous smile. “You know what you gotta do.”

They nodded and took off down the hall shouting Ricky, Rusty and Emily’s names.

“You’re as bad as they are,” Nicole said.

“Hey, if I have to get up at the crack of dawn, so do they.” Andy grabbed his robe and handed Sharon hers. Nicole left to follow the boys down the hall.

“Did you say you wanted a house full of those?” Andy raised a questioning brow. Sharon’s grin broadened and she nodded.

“I did. You don’t?”

Andy chuckled as he heard the groans and protests coming from the other bedrooms. “You know I do.”

Sharon took his hand and squeezed it. She did know. The joy he took he took in spending time with family was one of the many things she loved about him.

****

“Mom, this one’s for you. It‘s from Andy.” Looking rather sweet and goofy, with a Santa’s hat on his head, Ricky was seated on the floor among the pile of presents under the Christmas tree. Sharon took the large gift and smiled affectionately at him. When asked who wanted to play Santa, naturally Ricky had jumped at the chance. Like Andy, Ricky would always be a big kid at heart. There was a reason they got along so well.

Sharon tore methodically at the paper rather than just digging in. Inside was a large wicker picnic basket filled with all kinds of her favorite things.  A bottle of her favorite Napa Valley Cabernet, a box of Harry and David Riviera pears, boxes of spiced and herbal teas, Godiva dark chocolates, her favorite daywear perfume, Jo Malone’s pear and freesia and the sexy, seductive, Black Opium, her new favorite scent for romantic nights out on the town.  For the bathroom he‘d purchased the elegant little bars of imported French milled soaps she liked to put out in a fancy vintage bowl by the sink as well as hand cream, body lotion, bath salts, sugar scrub and soy candles all in her favorite ylang ylang, jasmine and vanilla scent from her friend Summer’s essential oil boutique. Hidden in the bottom was a small box labeled “Victoria’s Secret”. Knowing Andy and his penchant for sexy nighties, she wasn’t going to pull that one out to show the family. Nope, she would open that box tonight in the privacy of their bedroom. “Andy, this is too much,” she protested.

“Says the woman who got me front row tickets to the Lakers/Warriors game next month.”

“But you already gave us all this trip and my beautiful ring.”

“That wasn’t a Christmas gift, “he scoffed. “That’s your engagement ring. Anyway, you did say when we were packing that you were getting a little low on perfume. And Summer helped me with all the body lotions and stuff.”

“Well, I thank you. You did very well, with both this and my ring.” She kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder to watch Ricky continue handing out gifts, the boys squealing with delight each time they tore at the paper. “But you know, nothing could top this trip, all of us being here together.”

Andy turned his face so he could rub his cheek against her hair. He did know how much this trip meant to her. She worried about her parents now that they were getting older and there was nothing she loved more than being surrounded by her family. One of the first things he’d noticed about Sharon, back when he still hadn’t liked her very much, was how her whole being seemed to light up when she talked about her kids. Back then, she had been planning to join them and her parents in Park City for Christmas and skiing. In some ways that seemed like a lifetime ago.

Now that he’d been through the family photo albums, he understood that on a deeper level. Intellectually he knew that Jack hadn’t been a part of Sharon’s life for a very long time. While they were non-dating and then dating they’d had many conversations about the problems in their first marriages, but it had still been surprising to see how little of Jack he’d found in those albums.  When Colleen had first brought out the pictures he had been prepared to see a lot of Sharon with Jack and their children. Yes, there had been some of those, but not nearly has many as he’d thought. Ricky was barely out of diapers when Jack just seemed to disappear. He figured there was probably a wedding album somewhere that Colleen had tactfully not brought out for him to look through, but it had been eye opening for him to see how quickly Jack had no longer been a part of the family and just how young Sharon and his kids had been when he left.

Both he and Sharon had been without partners for a very long time and both had felt something missing in their lives, so being together like this, with their entire family coming together was something that brought them both a sense of joy and contentment. And it was something he wanted to make sure they were never without again.

“You know,” he said speaking softly, though with the Christmas music playing and the raucous excitement of the boys he doubted anyone could hear him. “By this time next year we should be married.”

“God willing,” Sharon interjected.

“Yes, God willing. And hopefully by then we’ll have a new house with a lot more room. If we do, maybe we can have everyone over to our new house for Christmas. Fly your parents out, Christine and Ed and your nieces. Maybe put on a whole “Feast of Seven Fishes” for Christmas Eve. What do you think?”

Sharon’s heart constricted at the eager look in his eyes. She ached to think about all the lonely years he’d spent longing to have a family to share his life with again. “Andy, I think that’s a lovely idea. Provided we find a house of course. There is no way we could have everyone in the condo.”

“I have a good feeling, Sharon. Everything is falling into place for us. We’ll find our dream house.”

*****

“Whew, finally got the boys settled. We let them open one of their lego boxes. Is there anything I can do help?”

“It’s all good.” Sharon gave a quick glance up when Nicole entered the kitchen. She was bent over with her head in the oven checking on the turkey. Her mother was next to her rearranging things in the refrigerator.  “The turkey is cooking and we have a lot of leftovers from last night that we can just heat up.  We’ll add a couple more vegetables and some stuffing, but we won’t need to do any of that until we’re almost ready to eat.”

“We’re an enlightened bunch of feminists, aren’t we?” Nicole’s lips twisted wryly. “All the women in the kitchen.”

Sharon arranged the tinfoil back over the turkey and shut the oven door.  “By choice,” she reminded her, then poured herself another cup of coffee and joined the young woman at the table.

“Yes. And let’s remember, your father cooked breakfast.” Colleen said. “And it was delicious.”

“It was, “Nicole agreed. “Dad is a really good cook. Much better than my mother--though I can’t say that too loud around her.”

“You don’t have to worry about that with me,” Sharon assured her. “I freely admit that Andy is a far better cook than I am.”

That was one of the things that Nicole found so refreshing about Sharon. The woman was so confident in who she was that she didn’t have any problem admitting that she might not be good at something. Her mother was the polar opposite. Sandra was insecure and defensive and did not handle criticism well.

“After my parents divorced, I didn’t get to see dad as much as I would have liked, my mother did not like sharing. But when I did go over to his place for the weekend, instead of bringing me out for pizza or burgers like my other friends who spent the weekends with their dads, he’d make me these big elaborate suppers and huge breakfasts.” She could still remember the eager look on his face when he placed a meal before her and his big smile when she’d tell him something was delicious. He’d always been so anxious to please her.

“It’s the Italian in him,” Sharon said. “Your father equates food with love. The more he loves you, the more he wants to feed you.” Her face flushed at the memory of Andy wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms riding low on his hips while he cooked her a delectable big breakfast the morning after they’d first made love. Ravenous after their night of lovemaking, she had devoured not only his Sicilian French toast and bacon but also the croissants he’d heated that were dripping with black raspberry jam. Ahh, those good old days before the heart healthy diet.

“Sharon? You’re a million miles away. What are you thinking?” Nicole was intrigued by the flush on Sharon’s cheeks.

“Nothing,” Sharon demurred.

“Sharon…”

“It’s nothing really. I was just thinking that your father likes to cook for me too.”

“Because he loves you.” Nicole nodded and took Sharon’s hand to examine the diamond ring on her finger. “It’s a really pretty ring.”

“It is,” Sharon agreed. It was simple and elegant and she loved all the tiny sparkling diamonds.  “Why don‘t you grab yourself another cup of coffee and put your feet up. I just brewed a fresh pot.”

“Oh, that sounds like heaven.” Nicole quickly moved to pour herself cup. “Nothing like having little kids to wake you up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning.”

“No, there isn’t. I’ve missed that.” Sharon ignored Nicole‘s sarcasm and instead took her words at face value. “It’s nice having the excitement of young children around at Christmas. I look forward to the day when Andy and I are surrounded by lots of grandkids.”

“Well, there may be more sooner than you think.”

“Nicole! “ Sharon nearly choked on her coffee. “Are you---?”

“No, no, no…Not yet. Dean and I have just started talking about the possibility of expanding our family. We’ve been married two and a half years now, the boys are doing well, things are good at work and, well, I think I’m ready.”

“That’s so exciting. Oh my God, your dad will be over the moon.” Sharon glanced through the archway into the living room where Andy was stretched out on the floor building lego towers with the boys. William, Emily and Rusty were playing Chinese checkers and Ricky and Dean were watching “Christmas Vacation“.

“Look at mine.” She heard Andy say when the boys started fighting over who had the better tower. “It looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.”

“What’s the Leaning Tower of Pizza?” Tyler asked.

Andy chuckled. “Not Pizza kiddo, Pisa. Hey, never mind these towers, look at this. “He showed them a page from the instruction book. “We can build a police cruiser, that’s pretty cool. What do you think?”

“Way cooler than a tower, “both boys agreed. All three quickly began ripping apart their towers to start from scratch.

Sharon smiled into her coffee mug. Andy was a big kid himself. Nicole’s eyes followed Sharon’s and her face went soft with affection.

“He really does love the boys--and they love him.”

“We both do.”

There was a look in Nicole’s eyes that had Sharon concerned. “Is something worrying you? “

Nicole set her mug down and turned back toward the woman who would soon be her stepmother. From the first moment they’d met at the wedding, when Sharon’s warmth and graciousness had put everyone at ease in what could have been a very tense situation, she’d felt comfortable with her. There was something genuine about her that made her very easy to talk with. “I don’t know. Maybe, a little. Like I said, I think I’m ready, but how do you really know when you’re ready?”

“Oh honey, I don’t know if anyone ever really knows. I know I wasn’t ready for either of my babies. “

That gave Nicole a pause. Her father’s girlfriend was the most put together woman she knew. She seemed to be able to handle anything with grace and dignity. It was hard to believe that the unflappable Sharon hadn’t been completely prepared to have a child, but it made her feel better to know that. “Really? But you‘re such a good mom.”

“Well, thank you for that, but it’s all trial and error, I assure you. No woman is born knowing everything there is to be a mom. Isn‘t that what you told me when I was pregnant with Em?” Sharon turned to Colleen as the older woman joined them at the kitchen table.

“It is exactly what I said.”

“I’m afraid the boys might be jealous.”

“Oh, they will be jealous. They are always jealous. When I was pregnant with Ricky and found out I was carrying a boy, Emily told me she did not want a brother. And right after he was born, I was nursing him and she climbed up on the arm of the chair, looked down at him with disgust, and asked me when we were sending him back.”

Nicole laughed. “I’m assuming she came around. They seem to get along well now.”

“She did, although they had their moments, as all siblings do.”  

“But they were okay with you adopting Rusty?”

“Not completely. They had some reservations, especially Ricky.” Sharon’s eyes clouded over when she remembered the fight she’d had with her son over his condescension and lack of compassion when discussing Rusty‘s adoption.

“He didn’t want you to adopt Rusty?  That’s surprising; they seem so buddy- buddy.”

“They are…now. Ricky had some, let’s just call them misconceptions, about Rusty and the reason I was adopting him. Most of it was exacerbated by my ex-husband who also didn’t want me adopting Rusty, but that’s another story altogether. I think it really came down to jealously, as it usually does with siblings. Ricky was my baby, my only son and I think he felt that because I was adopting another boy he was somehow failing me as a son. This of course couldn’t have been further from the truth.”

“Siblings are siblings no matter what their age, “Colleen said. “He was afraid Rusty was taking his place and that he was going to steal your love.”

“That’s it exactly.“ And despite how annoyed she’d been by Ricky’s attitude, she did know that in his own misguided way, he’d been trying to protect her. With Jack having been absent for almost all of his life, he had grown up as the only male in a house of women and he’d sometimes taken his ’man of the house’ role a little too far.  “But underneath the things he said I knew that it wasn’t Ricky talking. That it wasn‘t the boy I raised. It was his father manipulating him and playing on his fears, which is the one thing Jack is really, really good at. By the end of his visit I’d set him straight and now the three of them get along great. Once they started teasing Rusty and including him in their sibling rivalry, I knew it would all be okay.

“It’s nice that they were able to come around. Seeing them all now, you’d never know there were any issues. I don’t know. I guess I just want to make sure it’s the perfect time.”

“If you wait for the perfect time to have a child it will never come. It’s a huge commitment, a life changing responsibility. But you know that. You’re wonderful with the boys and that can’t have been easy.”

“It wasn’t. It isn’t. I mean Scottie’s easy, he doesn’t even remember his mother, but Ty has some vague memories. He was only three when she died.”

“Three years old.” Colleen shook her head sadly.

“Scottie was barely a year old.”

“Such a shame. It’s hard enough to hear about someone dying of breast cancer, but for a woman to die in her twenties with two little babies at home. It just breaks your heart.”

“I know. It does. They were such a sad little family. When I first starting dating Dean it felt like I was competing with a ghost and that I could never live up to Stacy‘s memory. It took me some time to understand that it isn’t a competition. Dean loved Stacy and now he loves me.”

“I think there is always a natural feeling of competition or at least curiosity when a partner has been married before, regardless of how the marriage ended,” Sharon said.

“Oh, Sharon, if you’ve ever worried about competing with my mother---don’t. I can tell you, my father never looked at my mother or any woman the way he looks at you. And I’ve never seen him this happy. It’s as if he has a whole new lease on life. You’ve made such a difference for him…and for all of us. The Sharon effect, you know.”

Sharon grinned. The last time she‘d heard that term she was trying to convince Nicole that she and Andy were only very good friends. “He’s made a big difference for me too. Did you know that it was your wedding that got the whole ball rolling between us?”

“Dad did mention something about that. And to think, he almost didn’t come.” Nicole gave her a smirk very reminiscent of her father.

“Yes, well, I’m certainly glad that he did. “

“Me too. It was partially my fault, you know. I hadn’t planned on Larry walking me down the aisle along with dad. It never crossed my mind. My mother was the one who brought that up. It kind of made sense, dad was dad of course, but I was only 11 when mom married Larry. He helped raise me and he doesn’t have any children of his own. He was good to me. It felt right to honor him too. But I knew dad was going to flip about it, so I didn’t tell him until the last minute. It wasn’t fair to spring it on him like that. Dad tends to over react, he has a temper and he can carry a grudge. Thank you for helping to get him past all that.

“It’s all water under the bridge now. Your dad had come to terms with your decision and he was going to your wedding whether I went or not. I just helped to smooth out the edges.”

“You sure did that.” Her mother and her mother’s family were all hard on her father and she knew the wedding was not going to be easy for him. They still thought of him as the man he was 25 years earlier, not the man he had become once he’d gotten sober. Not the man who was sorry for his past behavior. Not the man who was doing everything he could to rectify the mistakes he’d made, including going to family therapy with her to fix the wounds they each had from her childhood.

Her father might be a hot head, as Sandra liked to remind everyone, but while she loved her mother, Nicole was not blind to the fact that she was not an easy person to live with. In fact, if her father hadn’t been such a mess for the few years after the divorce she would have much rather lived with him than her mother. And, even though her dad was pretty much paying for the entire wedding, her mother was simply unwilling to give him the benefit of any doubt. Everyone was convinced that he would show up at the wedding with one of the latest in his parade of Candi‘s, Tammi’s Bambi’s and Cindi’s. Curvy blonds with big boobs in dresses that would be too tight and too short. None of them had been prepared for him to walk into the church with the leggy, elegant, auburn haired beauty who turned out to be Sharon Raydor. Sharon had been warm, friendly, and utterly unflappable, easily deflecting the barbs flung by her mother and the rest of the family while playing up her father’s attributes. She had thoroughly charmed every member of the Estevez family and Andy’s estimation in their eyes had gone up tremendously thanks to the new kind of company he was keeping.

“I liked you, right from the start. You were so different from the other women my dad dated. Not that I ever really met any of them. They were in and out of his life much too fast.”

“So I’ve heard.” Sharon had seen a few members of what Brenda Leigh Johnson once referred to as Andy Flynn’s “Bimbo brigade”.

“And now you’re going to be my stepmother. I couldn’t be happier about that.”

“Me too.” Sharon covered Nicole’s hand with her own. It was funny, but even though they’d only spent a little bit of time together at the wedding, she’d felt a bond with the young woman that had only grown the more she got to know her. “Now my family will be even again, two boys, two girls.”

“You did always say you wanted four kids,” Colleen reminded her. “I guess God just had a different way of giving them to you.”

“Hmmm.” Sharon hummed. She hadn’t thought about it that way, in fact she’d put that disappointment away a long time ago. It was true. She would love to have had more children, but ultimately not with Jack Raydor and there had just not been anyone else who’d found their way into her heart…until Andy.

Early on, as a young woman, when she still viewed the world through rose-colored glasses, when Jack was the man she’d thought she would spend the rest of her life with, she’d prayed for the big happy family of her girlish dreams. She’d had it all planned out. Four children, ideally two girls and two boys, but she wouldn’t quibble on those details.

Later, when Jack was long gone and she was a lonely, harried, young single mother trying to raise two children and build a career in a high-pressured male dominated profession, those prayers had changed. Instead of more children, what she’d really wanted was to find a man with whom she could share her life. A man who would truly love her. A man she could laugh with and depend on. A man with whom she could share her burdens and build a life. Because the truth was, going through the hard times without the love and support of a partner had sometimes felt overwhelming, especially when it involved her children. Ricky’s surgery to remove pressure on his brain after he’d fallen out of a tree and Emily’s life threatening burst appendix had been terrifying events that she’d had to get through without their father because Jack had been nowhere to be found. Thank God, she had wonderful friends and hadn’t been completely alone, but it wasn’t quite the same as having someone by your side each day to support you and help you through the hard times. Someone to share both the joy and the sorrows of life‘s journey.

And then she’d stopped that prayer as well. Not because she didn’t want a partner anymore, but because she no longer needed one. She didn’t need a man to depend on; she could stand on her own two feet thank you very much. Yes, there were times when she was lonely but she had been able to build a full rich life. But, as so often happened, just as she’d gotten to a place in her life where she’d come to accept that maybe she was just one of those people not meant to find their soul mate, God had brought her up close and personal with a strong, sexy, sweet man with a cocky attitude, silver tipped hair, chocolate brown eyes and a wickedly cheeky smile. Andy Flynn.

In the beginning, she’d questioned why it had taken so long for her prayers to be answered. She didn’t wear her Catholicism on her sleeve, had always felt that her religious beliefs were her own, personal and private, but her faith was strong and her relationship with her God valued very deeply. She had been taught to believe that He did things for a reason even if you didn’t understand that that reason at the time, so she had finally concluded that maybe He had wanted to show her all that she was capable of on her own. To allow her to become the strong, confident, independent woman she was before giving her a man who loved her in a way that took her breath away. A man she could laugh with and depend on, a man with whom she could share her burdens and build a life. And along with that man, He grabbed that other prayer young Sharon had prayed so many years ago and brought Rusty and Nicole into her life. Four children and her soul mate. It wasn’t exactly the way she had once envisioned her life, but she couldn’t imagine being any happier than she was right now.

Picking up the potholders sitting on the table in front of her, Sharon rose. Nicole watched her open the oven door and lift the tinfoil over the large pan. The room immediately filled with the scent of roasting turkey as she began basting the browning bird.

With Sharon’s back to her, Nicole cleared her throat her nervously and asked the question she felt only Sharon would be able to answer. “You have an adopted child and biological children. Do you think…If I have my own child…Will I feel differently about that child than I do for Ty and Scottie? I mean I love them so much I can’t imagine I would love my biological child more, but I don’t know. Will it be different? “

Sharon shut the oven door and set the potholders down. “I can only speak from my own experience. When I was pregnant with Emily I was so scared to be completely responsible for that little human life, so afraid I wasn’t going to know how to be her mother.” She turned to her own mother taking her hand. “Do you remember what you said to me when I asked you how I was ever going to know what she needed?”

“Of course. A mother knows.”

Sharon nodded. “A mother knows. I thought it was just a cliché, something she was saying to make me feel better. I probably even rolled my eyes. But she was right. It took no time at all for me to be able to differentiate between the cries of ‘I’m hungry, I’m wet, I’m tired, I’m overtired, my tummy hurts and I want to be held’. Right after Emily’s birth, they placed that brand new baby on my belly and she looked up at me and…Oh my God.  I can still feel it like it was yesterday. My heart filled with a love so strong, so powerful, I felt like my chest would explode. Later when I got pregnant with Ricky, I wondered how on earth I could feel that much love for another child. But when he was born, it was the same experience all over again. I was just as besotted over him as I had been for his sister. Now Rusty…Let’s just say I was not besotted by him in the beginning.”

Colleen and Nicole laughed. They both knew what a difficult transition it had been for Rusty and of course for Sharon.

“But my heart did go out to him and I wanted very badly to help him. The thing is, I had years and years to get to know Emily and Ricky. I nursed them at my breast, I changed their diapers, and I taught them how to eat, how to use the potty and how to get dressed. I knew their favorite colors, their favorite books, their favorite foods. I knew how to push and how to avoid their buttons because I’d sewed them on.”

Colleen nodded. “It was the same with Sharon and Christine. I’m far more emotional than my husband is and when I would yell at Sharon it barely registered while Christine would burst into tears. But when William sat Sharon down and calmly told her he was disappointed in something she’d done, she’d come out of that study with big tears rolling down her cheeks, while Christine would skip out thinking she hadn’t gotten in trouble at all.”

Sharon could still remember being summoned to the study and the awful sense of guilt she‘d felt at disappointing her father. “Well, that personality trait has served me pretty well in my profession,” she said. “If I burst into tears every time someone yelled at me, I wouldn’t last very long interviewing suspects.” She shuddered to think of her mother hearing some of the names she’d been called in the interview room. One guy had called her a fucking cunt and had nearly gotten Andy‘s fist down his throat, but she had barely blinked. It wasn‘t the first time someone had called her that ugly name. Thankfully, Andy had not been present the time a muscled, tattooed gang banger had grabbed his crotch with a big grin telling her “suck my cock bitch and I’ll tell you what you want to know”.  Andy definitely would have ended up in PSB for excessive force over that one. “Anyway, I had to learn all that with Rusty on a far different level and in a much shorter time than I had with Emily and Ricky. That created some tension between us. Someone else had sewed his buttons on and I had to be careful trying not to press them. He was so different from what I knew with my other two kids.”

“How so?”

“Oh my goodness, in so many ways. All my children had ever known was love and physical affection and except for a father who came in and out of their lives, stability and boundaries. They’d always had a roof over their heads and a warm bed to sleep in. They never had to worry about where their next meal might come from, or if they’d even get a meal that day. They never had to worry about whether I was going to come home at the end of the day or if each time I shot a needle into my arm, it might be the last. They never knew the terror of having a mother so doped up she didn’t even recognize them.  They never had to worry about me bringing strange men home, men who would bring anger, violence, and abuse into their lives.  They never had to take care of me; I always took care of them. They never had to worry about changing schools over and over again, if they even got to go to school. They attended St. Joseph’s since kindergarten and have lifelong friends because of that. Rusty did have to deal with all of that and more. He built walls because there was no point in getting close to people when you were just going to move on. And there was no point in making friends when you were trying to hide the horror of your home life. My kids never had to try to survive on their own when they were just children. They were innocent and sheltered and I thank God for that. Rusty was not and that is pain I feel every single day of my life.

“Oh, God, Sharon. I had no idea it was that bad. That had to be so hard for you. For him. I guess I was lucky that Ty and Scottie were so little when they came into my life and they didn’t have those kinds of scars.”

“Mmm…It was definitely a learning curve for me. Children are unique and you have to mother them in different ways, but I had to learn to mother Rusty in ways that were so different from what I knew. “

“How so?”

“Well, to start with, I was used to hugging and touching my kids, but I had to be careful of that with Rusty. In the beginning, I can’t tell you how many times I would reach out to touch him and have to pull my hand back. Now we don’t think anything of it, but it took time. I also had to be careful how I spoke to him. So many times, it felt like I was walking on eggshells. My own kids would have known that no matter how angry I got with them, I always loved them. Rusty had to learn that. I wanted so much for him to have the same kinds of experiences that Emily and Ricky had. Back when they were younger, I always had a houseful of kids, sleepovers and slumber parties and pizza parties to celebrate winning games or dance recitals. Giggling girls trying on make up, leaving nail polish and cotton balls all over the bathroom. Roughhousing boys shooting hoops in the driveway and taking over the TV to play video games, leaving their sweaty sneakers on the floor to stink up my living room. But as annoyed as I would get at times with their messes I loved having them around. My kids constantly asked me to have friends over or begged me to allow them to have a party, but Rusty never asked. He doesn’t make friends easily and he always seemed so alone. It broke my heart.”

“That’s so sad.” Nicole knew Rusty had had it rough. Her dad often talked about the boy and what a saint Sharon was for dealing with him. She just hadn’t realized quite how bad it had been.

“It was sad. I told him time and time again that I was okay with him bringing friends home. I wanted to make sure he knew that the condo was his home too. But he didn’t have any friends and I think my asking him about it sometimes rubbed salt in that wound. It made him defensive. It was hard to know what to say to him, when to push him and when to step back.” Oh, thinking back, those early years with Rusty had been so difficult. He’d been so guarded, so prickly, so defensive, and, yes, so fucking obnoxious, but now two years after his adoption it felt as if he’d always been her son. “I think the only time I really pushed it with him was for his graduation. I’d thrown huge parties for Emily and Ricky’s graduations, both high school and college, but Rusty wanted none of that. He said he didn’t know or care about any of the kids he went to school with. But I couldn’t let such an important day go by without acknowledging it in some way.”

“You had the squad come over didn’t you?”

“Yes. I had to show him that he DID have friends. They might not be traditional friends for a teenager, but he does have many people who care about him. Anyway, through all that, I have come to know Rusty now as surely as if I had given birth to him. I know all his buttons and I know what makes him tick and the day that I adopted him I felt the same swelling in my heart that I did the first time I held my babies. He is my child and I love him with the same depth of love that I have for Emily and for Ricky. I would die for all three of them and I hope they all know that. “

Blinking back tears, Rusty entered the kitchen to put his plate in the sink, his eyes glued to the floor. But as he turned to head back to the living room he paused by Sharon’s chair bending down to press a quick kiss to the top of her head. “They do, Mom,” he said before quickly leaving the room.

“You see,” Sharon smiled tenderly at his retreating form. “There was a time he never would have done that. If you and Dean choose to have a child there will be a period of adjustment for the boys but I feel like I can tell you with certainty that it won’t change the love that you have for them. Adopted or biological, your child is your child. The only thing that love has to do with blood is that it is pumped out through the heart.”

TBC

[acsversace-news]

It's May of 1997 now, and we fade up on a Canadian Home Shopping Network host giving us some biographical background on Marilyn Miglin, who started out as a dancer and transitioned into cosmetics when the hot stage lights kept melting her face. Her face here belongs to the great Judith Light, still her gloriously bad-ass self beneath an era-appropriate immobile inverted ziggurat of Executive Lady Of A Certain Age hair. Marilyn's co-host introduces Marilyn's new line, Pheromone, a direct -- and, for the show's metaphorical purposes, convenient -- choice of brand name, and Marilyn is pretty pleased with her grand unifying theory of fragrance: "Perfume is about our bodies talking to each other without words."

Marilyn's not able to talk to anyone at her house, though; later, she's at an airport pay phone, getting the machine. "Lee, I don't know where you are," she says, frowning; evidently she expected him to pick her up, but she can't wait any longer. I mostly note the bit of dialogue above because of the Edie McClurg levels of Chicago torque on the word "are." The camera studies Marilyn's expensive jewelry as she says she's going to catch a taxi…

…and then, when the taxi's dropped her off, the expensive-looking exterior of the Miglins' townhouse. Marilyn and her array of bags stand in the manicured mulch beside the sidewalk, apparently expecting Lee -- and even if you haven't "read back" on the case and Cunanan's non-Versace victims, you've probably figured out based on passing mentions of Miglin in prior episodes (and, you know, having watched TV before) that Lee is Marilyn's husband, and is dead -- to rush out the front door full of apologies.

This does not happen, although Marilyn gives Lee ample time to correct his oversight when she flings the front door open and stands expectantly on the stoop. Nothing. She bustles inside with her things and calls, "Lee?" as the camera ensures we note the long vistas of the house; the predominantly pale-neutral color scheme of the décor; and the museum-esque tidiness of the rooms before cutting to a pint of chocolate ice cream melting insolently on the counter. Marilyn is brought up short by this, and returns to the front door to look warily inside. Passing neighbors pause to check her okay. "Something's wrong," she asserts, and the neighbors follow her inside. Spotting the ice cream, the Coke can beside it, and Marilyn's clenching at them, Mr. Neighbor seems to agree that something's off here, and tells the women to wait outside and call the police.

Mr. Neighbor begins his walkthrough of the house, calling for Lee. I find it odd initially that he doesn't stop to salivate over the Miglins' built-ins

but that's because he's spotted the "centerpiece" before I have: a ham with a butcher knife buried in it, left unwrapped on the desk in the study. Mr. Neighbor climbs the stairs to the master bedroom -- more white, cream, and pale gold -- and finds a disorderly master bath with a telling ring of mung around the bathtub. Next, an ankle-height shot set-up watches Mr. Neighbor hustle down the stairs to the basement; behind the door he opens with some trepidation is a chapel, and it too is messy. He has nothing to report to the women waiting at the front steps, but CPD is pulling up, and they do their own walkthrough, discovering bloody clothes in the bathroom and asking if anyone's checked the garage. Mrs. Neighbor offers to go with the uniformed officer.

Inside, Marilyn sits, rigid, and drums her fingers in an odd way, almost like she thinks she's supposed to have a nervous tic under the circs but isn't really feeling it. She stares at The Telltale Ice Cream.

Mrs. Neighbor was told to stay in the alley, but sticks her head into the garage to report that the Miglins' Lexus is missing. The uniform frowns and walks around the end of what looks like a vintage Corvette, then stops.

Inside, Marilyn hears Mrs. Neighbor's wail of horror, and flinches. We push in on her as Mrs. Neighbor rushes into the room behind her and brings up short. As if to reflect the falling apart of everything, the cosmetics titan's lipstick is feathering as she whispers, "I knew it."

After the title card, it's one week earlier, at a fundraiser for Jim Edgar for governor. The Miglins exposit for us via telling their tablemates that they're devoted not just to one another but to one another's careers -- he helped her paint her first storefront -- and Lee gives Marilyn the credit for their successes. Lee is played by Mike Farrell, who's had some later-in-life roles the last few years in which he's impressed; I'm thinking particularly of the Law & Order: SVU with Brenda Blethyn and Clea DuVall. I've been waiting for him and Light to show up in this season, because I like them both, and I like that the less "famous" victims are given a decent amount of the script's attention and dimensioning here. With that said, by the time the groundwork of the marriage and the Miglins' rise is laid, it's nearly 20 percent of the episode's runtime gone, and I wonder if this shouldn't move a little faster. Anyway, after Edgar jokingly asks Marilyn never to run against him, Marilyn gives a lovely speech introducing Lee, but also about him, that he was one of seven coal miner's kids who started out selling pancake mix out of his trunk. He's a real-estate mogul, but also her partner in every sense, a great father and "a perfect husband." Well: yeah. In the wings, Lee looks thoughtful as Marilyn calls him "the American dream."

At home, Lee observes that the dinner seemed to go well, and thanks Marilyn for her effusions: "I wasn't expecting that." She's heading upstairs, but stops to ask if he remembers what color they painted the Oak Street store she mentioned earlier. "What color?" he stalls. "That was years ago." "We painted it pink," she says, regarding him for a moment before going up. His smile fades; he closes his eyes and sighs briefly. Not sure what's intended here, although I will say that you remember the color of every paint job you do yourself, especially if you are an impatient painter who sucks at it, like me. I'm not saying I detour past the paint-chip display at Lowe's to flip off Benjamin Moore's Harvest Gold every time I'm at that store? But I'm not saying I don't. Forest Truffle can also suck it, while I'm up. So yeah, to me it's somewhat striking that he's failing this test, if in fact that's what it is, and I don't know why she's administering it -- he's inattentive? she's concerned about his mental acuity? we're supposed to take something symbolic from the "pink" aspect?

Upstairs, Marilyn slathers her face with cold cream and begins taking her face off. I kept thinking of the end of Dangerous Liaisons, Glenn Close wiping her mouth so roughly.

Marilyn removes her lashes and, almost absently, dabs behind her ears and at her cleavage with scent while staring at her denuded face in the vanity mirror.

In the study, Lee's on the phone: "No no, it's just so unexpected!" He doesn't seem alarmed when Marilyn comes in, looking curious, and tells the caller, "Those arrangements are fine! …And not before that time." He adds that "we can discuss this at the office," and hurries the caller off the phone; pretty good cover, but it's obviously Cunanan on the other end. Marilyn cocks a brow: "Who was that?"

Cut to a sweaty Cunanan hanging up a pay phone, and to me realizing how…restful, for lack of a better word, the episode has felt without him up to this point, even knowing we've just seen Miglin scheduling his own death.

The man himself pads into the bedroom, where Marilyn is already installed with a sleep mask. He peers over at her, then covers her hand with his. She regrips so it's more handholding, less protection.

As a red Jeep approaches Chicago, Marilyn gets ready to leave for Toronto. She asks what Lee's plans are, while she's away; he talks about finishing her "accounts," catching up with a Paul…he's sort of vague, and half-staggers to sit down on the stairs, concluding that he'll go to work, it's what he does: "Isn't that what I always do?" Concerned, she sits beside him and asks what's going on. "If you're in one of your blue moods, why don't you come with me?" she says. She likes it when he's there. I like it when an actor commits to an accent; Light is currently in the middle of Pennsylvania somewhere, I think? The Chicago leaks out of the performance pretty steadily, sad to say, and by episode's end she's firmly back in Judge Donnelly territory...speaking of SVU. Anyway: Lee seems surprised to hear that Marilyn likes him to come along; bemused, she says of course she does. He tells her he's very proud of her: "You know that, don't you?" She surreptitiously checks her watch and asks if he wants to come or not; he heaves a sigh and considers it for a split second, then says no, he's "being silly." He gives her a kiss and helps her gather her things.

Andrew Cunanan pulls the red Jeep into a parking garage, cranks the seat back, and settles in for a nap as Astrid Gilberto's "A Certain Sadness" starts up on the soundtrack and, at the Miglinhaus, Lee seats himself at Marilyn's vanity with a couple fingers of bourbon and stares at himself in the mirror…then dabs some of her Pheromone behind his ears. He sips his drink and steels himself.

Later, he heads downstairs to the basement chapel and lights a candle. Kneeling before the cross, facing the picture of Jesus, he shakes his head and crosses himself. His eyes fill. "I try," he tells his God. "I. Try." It's quite affecting, and yet my eye is drawn over to what appears to be a conversation pit in the back of the shot.

Very odd juxtaposition that must be true to life or they'd have scotched it as distracting.

Cunanan parks around the corner and heads to the Miglinhaus. Inside, at Cunanan's knock, Lee zhuzhes himself sartorially and mentally at the hallway mirror, then answers the door and hurries Cunanan inside, presumably so neighbors don't see him admitting a young gentleman at night. He hugs Cunanan warmly. Cunanan stands kind of limply; his eyes are a blank as he stiffly raises his arms to return the hug.

Cunanan's stuffing a huge sammich into his piehole as Lee makes small talk: he didn't expect Cunanan to be in town. What brings him to Chicago? "Work," Cunanan grunts, departing the kitchen with the sandwich and no plate or even a paper towel to catch crumbs. Trash. Tellingly, Lee makes sure to wipe the counter before hastening after Cunanan, hesitantly telling him that "a little warning" would have been "useful," as it's dumb luck he's alone in the house. Cunanan asks when Marilyn's back; Lee naively tells him. "We have some time!" Cunanan chirps. Lee, whose combined eagerness and lack of street smarts are killing me right here, asks if he can stay the night. Cunanan, through a mouthful of sandwich, garbage-persons, "Can you shut the blinds?" Lee goes to do just that.

Lee's in the study, getting out some drawings and saying he's wanted to "share this" with Cunanan for a while. Cunanan leans in the doorway, rummaging in his bag for his gun, and as Lee is laying out the drawings, we go to a first-person-shooter POV as Cunanan levels the gun at the back of Lee's head. "The Skyneedle!" Lee nerds sweetly, and whether Cunanan is touched by his enthusiasm or thinks it's too easy a shot, I don't know, but he stashes the gun back in his pack as Lee goes on about it being the tallest building in the world once it's built, 125 stories, 1,952 feet. This was a real project; it was never built. The Freedom Tower would have made the conversation we're about to hear irrelevant in the second place, but: Cunanan confirms that the idea is to build it right near Sears Tower, with an observation deck that will look down on the Sears Tower's -- thereby pretty much putting the Sears Tower out of business, at least from a tall-building-tourism standpoint. Lee never thought of it like that. After a pause, Cunanan snorts, "Please. That's exactly how you thought of it." Lee shrugs that, actually, he saw himself mingling amongst the families visiting it, and eavesdropping anonymously on their excitement.

But this version of pride in accomplishment is alien to Cunanan -- as are actual accomplishments, really, which is why he has to shit on it, asking if it's ever going to happen. Has he broken ground on the project? Lined up the financing? Not yet, Lee admits, and Cunanan makes a lemon face and booms, "The Miglin Tower!" No no no: it's the Skyneedle. It's supposed to inspire people to "reach up -- it's about that, it's not about me." Here again, though, Cunanan's narcissism and his rage at those he perceives as "better" than he makes him unable to tolerate a loftier explanation, and he sputters that it's the tallest building in the world, it's the Lee Miglin Tower! Why else is Lee showing him these plans? That he cares about Cunanan and wants to share something he's stoked about isn't something Cunanan can register; to him, it's a power play, and he brats that he doesn't want to spend the whole night "listening to how great you are." Lee looks at him with confusion as Cunanan continues snitting about the "great Lee Miglin Tower," inspiring schoolchildren for eons to come, but instead of suggesting that, for a guy who clearly hasn't bathed for several large states' worth of driving, a "the customer is always right" approach is not just indicated here but required, Lee just says they don't have to talk. "No, we don't," Cunanan says, more agreeably, but he's not done being a twat, smirking that he knows what Lee's doing: he's trying to impress Cunanan -- to convince himself that this is "more than a business transaction," that there's a genuine attraction there. Lee confines himself to pointing out that Cunanan could pretend, too. Cunanan keeps that fatuous challenging smile pasted on, then leans in for a passionate kiss, during which the camera dwells unnecessarily on Lee's wedding band. Lee's never been kissed like that, has he? No, Lee says, fairly trembling with desire. "It feels like I'm alive!" Oh, Lee. Cunanan points out that "most escorts" don't kiss, then crazies that he's not like most escorts; he's not like "most anybody."

Well, that's true, strictly speaking. "I could almost be…a husband. A partner!" Lee kind of cringes, which probably won't help him, as Cunanan goes on, "I could almost be. I really could, almost." He's probably trying to elevate his own status in the transaction, but Lee misunderstands, thinking he's rubbing it in more, and says he knows it's not real; he's not a fool. But Cunanan makes it seem soreal. "Good," Cunanan whispers, delighted, then proposes they "go out." Where are they going? To make a mess, Cunanan says, leading Lee to the garage, and he doesn't want Lee to worry about it.

In the garage, he shoves Lee up against the wall. "I'm in control now." Lee seems a little concerned, but mostly titillated, and the proportions don't change when Cunanan open-up-and-say-ahs a gardening glove into Lee's mouth. Lee's little moans of excitement make this particularly difficult to watch, especially when he reaches for Cunanan but is pushed away so Cunanan can search the tool table for masking tape. As Cunanan carefully wraps Lee's head, Lee starts to look more puzzled than turned on, and when Cunanan's done, Lee is lowered to the floor and bound with an extension cord while Cunanan burbles about Lee's dominance in the outside world and submission "in here." The torture is actually listening to Cunanan blather on about inverting the natural order, in my opinion, never more than when Cunanan smugs that Lee likes "being pathetic, don't you." It's really that Cunanan doesn't like it and can't escape feeling it, so he has to humiliate Lee fully, crawling up his body and throttling him for a few seconds, then breaking Lee's nose with the heel of his hand. Lee emits a muffled wail. Blood leaks out from under the tape as Cunanan announces that he's killed two people very close to him, hard though it surely is to believe of "intellectual Andrew," "well spoken, well dressed." Snort. Cunanan makes a point of blaring into Lee's ear that he knows Lee isn't wearing his hearing aid (one more tiny humiliation before the final string of big ones), so he'll speak very clearly: when "they" find Lee's body, he'll have ladies' drawers on and be surrounded by gay porn, so that "everyone will know" the "great Lee Miglin is a sissy." This isn't about Lee at all, of course; it's about Cunanan feeling like he doesn't exist, and as Lee continues to groan, Cunanan winds up by asking tearfully which Lee fears more, "death, or being disgraced?" Lee sobs. Cunanan sits back and says, as if realizing it for the first time, "You know, disgrace isn't that bad -- once you settle into it."

He gets up and heaves a bag of Quikrete over to Lee, panting, "Concrete can build. And concrete can kill." So on top of everything else, Cunanan's a C-plus writer. Roger that. He heaves the bag over his head and slams it down on Lee's torso, then shoves it off, grabs some kind of screwdriver from the pegboard, and stab-falls onto Lee's chest.

Later, Cunanan tools through the house, almost artfully spattered in blood. He whomps the ham down on Lee's neatly arranged Skyneedle plans and crams meat into his mouth. Expressionlessly, he picks up the drawing of the building and tears it exactly in half, right through the tower; cut to him burning it on the chapel's altar. The hold on the shot of the hellish flames oranging his face and dancing in his eyeglass lenses is maybe a little long.

CPD Superintendent Rodriguez marches through the press scrum at the front of the townhouse, not acknowledging questions about whether Lee knew the intruder. The crime-scene techs pause at the sight of the boss, but he tells them to carry on as he looks down on Lee's corpse, now crimson with blood thanks to torture (apparently with a handsaw) and surrounded as "promised" with porn magazines. Rodriguez's question about "the underwear" lets us know the rest of Cunanan's threat was also carried out. Rodriguez sighs as the lead tech says Lee had no defensive injuries to his hands, but every single rib is broken, and says he wants no leaks; the official story is that "an elderly gentleman has been killed."

Elsewhere, Marilyn is straightening family pictures on the mantel as a guy in a suit -- presumably J. Paul Beitler, Lee's partner -- quavers that "this" had nothing to do with their business. Marilyn's like, duh, of course it didn't, and as Rodriguez enters, doffing his hat, she begins listing with grim determination everything Cunanan took: money, leather jackets, suits, the Lexus, the "unusual" gold coins Lee gave as gifts, a dozen pairs of black socks. It was a "robbery," no question. Rodriguez keeps his face impassive in this gust of denial, and also when Marilyn announces to Beitler that she knows who SupRod is; she didn't call 911, she called a police commander she knows. "We're all here for you," SupRod merely says, and as Beitler's face works in the back of the shot, Marilyn announces, "Lee was alone in the house. He was vulnerable. It was an opportunistic attack." The burglar could have snuck up on Lee, if he didn't have his hearing aid in!

Beitler hangs his head as SupRod suggests talking later. "Talk now! Why not!" Marilyn says. SupRod gently broaches the "homosexual pornographic magazines" near Lee's body. Marilyn barely reacts, blinking and saying they must belong to the killer. SupRod has an almost reflex cop response to that theory, observing that that would mean the killer brought the magazines with him -- i.e., knowing his target/that he would need them; having been invited. It took me a minute to register the implication, but Marilyn's right on top of it, and is not having it, gritting that she's not interested in the murderer's "intentions." Catch the guy; don't talk to her about what might "or might not" be going through his mind. "I understand," SupRod says. Marilyn squints: "Do you." SupRod, now a little worried: "I believe so." Marilyn, without breaking eye contact: "Dollars. Jewelry. Socks. Suits. That's all I'll allow that man to steal from me." He won't take her good name -- their good name. They worked too hard making it, together.

Rodriguez is likely relieved to escape into the crime scene, then, confirming that Cunanan not only took a bath and shaved, but appears to have slept over. He clenches, looking at the bed, as the lead tech says, "He must have known that Marilyn was coming home." He clenches again when he finds two of his detectives chowing sandwiches in the downstairs hall, and politely informs Marilyn -- who is seated beside her son, Duke, and now wearing a different suit, so the timeline here is a bit shuffly -- that she doesn't have to feed his officers. She chirps that a neighborhood restaurant wanted to help, and donated the food. Then she introduces Duke as "a Hollywood actor!" (hee/aw), and mommily upsells his career as an abashed Duke is like, "'Aspiring,' Mom." He does mention he's in Air Force One, but notes on Marilyn's proud "He plays a pilot!" that there are a lot of pilots in the film. Heh. Miglin Jr.'s film career didn't go much of anywhere, possibly because the murder of his father took him off track, possibly because most film careers…don't; Cunanan apparently suggested to several people that he and Duke knew each other and were working together, a contention the Miglins have firmly denied.

We cut away from this awkwardness to a uniform finding Cunanan's Jeep, festooned with parking tickets, around the corner. She peers in to see a map of Chicago and a copy of Out Magazine, and runs a plates check. A hit comes right back: it's stolen, and linked to the homicide of Jeff Trail. And there's more good news in terms of leads, as two detectives tell SupRod at the cop shop, namely that Lee's car phone turns on whenever the car is turned on, which lets them track the car's location. Based on the pings to date, it looks like he's heading to New York. SupRod wants this intel kept in a cone of silence -- the FBI, them, that's it -- and the three of them exult that wherever Cunanan goes, "we got 'im." (Ron Howard, wearily: "They don't.")

NYC's Versace storefront. Cunanan, attired in one of Lee's suits, I guess? Although Mike Farrell is much too tall for them to fit him properly, but that's one of those things fictionalized narrative never gets right about borrowed clothing -- anyway, he regards himself smugly in the shiny sign on the door and goes in to do some browsing. There's a home-goods display set up on a dining-room table, and as he's about to pull up one of the chairs and leaf through South Beach Stories by Gianni and Donatella, the chair makes an echoey skrronnnk along the floor. Darren Criss nails the jumpy "did anyone see that" reaction on Cunanan's part; it's just a perfect, tiny smackdown of the striver, satisfying to a viewer who has come to enjoy Cunanan's discomfiture but also a nod to the hundreds of these tiny mortifications that may have contributed to his becoming a monster. A graffiti-ish rendering of Gianni in the book shifts the soundtrack from peppy retail jazz to the foreboding strings of Cunanan's madness.

SupRod asks the assembled at the Miglinhaus if they've heard of Cunanan. Marilyn says no; who is he? He's an escort, SupRod tells them (Beitler looks nauseated, and I honestly can't tell if the actor is just trying to register in a scene dominated by Judith Light's charisma; if we're supposed to deduce that Beitler either knew for sure or strongly suspected that Lee may have had extracurricular desires; or if he didn't know but is now homophobically revolted). Cunanan is wanted in connection with two homicides in Minnesota. "What does this have to do with Lee?" Marilyn asks. Cunanan stole a Jeep from one of the victims; it was found a block from the Miglinhaus. SupRod puts a mugshot of Cunanan on the coffee table. Marilyn says confidently she's never seen him before; Duke looks uncomfortable, though it's hard to know how to take that. The camera pushes out from the side of Marilyn's face to focus on Duke's, and on Duke hanging his head, as SupRod says reluctantly that they have to understand the case is no longer solely a CPD matter, that the FBI is now involved. Marilyn says all they care about is catching Lee's murderer. Beitler stares straight ahead, clenching his jaw. Marilyn looks at him and at Duke all, "…What?"

Outside, SupRod is told that Cunanan's on the move, but the cell phone towers have tracked him to outside Philadelphia. PPD and the FBI are "closin' in." SupRod looks over his shoulder at the living room and mutters, "I hope they're ready."

Beitler lets himself into the master bedroom just in time for Light's Emmy reel, as Marilyn updates her blush and snaps that she knows what they're saying about her. Why hasn't she cried? Where's the grief, the emotion? She didn't love him. "How could a woman who cares so much about appearances appear not to care!" Beitler, probably thinking about the "allegations," sighs that people say all kinds of nasty things at a time like this. "Especially at a time like this," Marilyn adds, when you're weak, when you're down. She scrabbles around on the vanity top for a lip pencil and snaps, "How dare they say our marriage was a sham," and points at Beitler's reflection with the lipliner: "Lee and I -- shared our whole -- lives." Breaking down, she talks about the adventures they shared, and how he rescued her when she was lost. "I…loved him," she weeps. Beitler approaches and puts a hand on her arm. "I loved him very much!" Marilyn claps her hands to her face and starts smearing around the makeup she's just been carefully touching up, and gasping through a possible panic attack, she snarks, "There. Is that better? Am I a real wife now?" She stumbles to the window and sits on a stool to say that they had a fairytale life, makeup straggling across her face, and as much as I always love Light and as much as I appreciate the script underlining the emotional wreckage Cunanan left in his wake (as all murderers do), the scene is quite stagey -- like, there's really no point to the blocking except to move Light around, and there's really no point to those theatrical kinetics or whatever, because this is filmed. Light can move this ball by herself, you don't have to block her like this is the Penfield Academy production of Mother Courage. Just run the camera.

Exhibit A: "We didn't even fight," delivered with an almost ashamed glance at Beitler, as if to acknowledge that that could be construed as a lack of passion. See? Light has this well in hand. She chews her upper lip with her lower teeth as she says that Lee never lifted a finger (to her, I believe she means). "But I will," she says, getting up and crossing back to the vanity -- again, for no apparent reason except that The Big Book Of Scene Anatomies appears to have called for it. There's no "family connection" to "this Cunanan," she says. "We've never heard of him." Beitler looks stricken some more as Marilyn fairly orders him, "It was…a robbery. A random killing." She begins to straighten up the vanity top.

It's not so neat at the cop shop, as one of the detectives has to tell SupRod that Philly radio is running a story about the car phone, and that they're tracking the signal, which means Cunanan will know they're onto him -- at which time the episode director leafs through TBBOSA to "Reaction Blocking, Frustrated," drops a fingernail onto "shove everything off desk while shouting angrily," and nods. And that's what SupRod does. Come on, guys.

Cut to the Lexus, where Cunanan hears said report; hilariously starts whanging the receiver of the car phone on the console; then screeches over to the shoulder to wrench the antenna off and hurl it into the underbrush. Which is not sketchy at all, except it totally is, and a passing car's passengers give him a "tf you doing" look. He pulls out again, then quickly heads into the entrance of Fort Mott State Park. (It's in Pennsville. If you think of the state of New Jersey as a grandma in a rocker -- this is the image our eighth-grade earth-science teacher always used; don't know why it's a grandma -- Pennsville is at the southwestern tip of the state, basically Nana's nipple.) He parks, and scans the families in the parking lot for targets/prospective carjackees…or waits for the park to empty out of extraneous witnesses, which appears to have taken a while. Cunanan finally sees an older lady who looks likely, and has his gun out, but then her husband appears and Cunanan thinks better of it. Enter the red truck, and a ponytailed caretaker stopping to pick up the mail. This is William Reese, the caretaker of the on-site Civil War cemetery. Cunanan scrambles back to the Lexus and follows Reese into the cemetery, and I am not a botanist, but I'm pretty sure this sort of tree is not native to Jersey.

Let me know in the comments, but if I'm right, it seems strange they wouldn't just get permits for a local graveyard. Anyway, Reese parks next to the chapel building and heads inside, stopping to remove a weed from the flowerbed near the door as Cunanan is parking along the other side of the building. Reese is settling in in the office when Cunanan comes in, gun drawn, and says pleasantly that Reese should stay calm, nobody's going to get hurt: "I'm here to steal your truck." He asks for the keys, but tells Reese not to reach for them and to get away from the desk. Then he asks if there's a downstairs. There's a basement. "Can I lock you in there?" "Door's got a lock, yessir," Reese semi-answers.

The "basement" is in fact properly -- and fittingly, alas -- a crypt.

Cunanan orders Reese onto his knees. Reese tries to humanize himself for Cunanan, mentioning his wife and son and that he'd sure like to see them again, but Cunanan is Cunanan, and shoots Reese mid-sentence. He looks around at the crypt with that Starman blankness, then heads upstairs, grabs his backpack from the Lexus, and peels out in the pickup.

Back to the set of CHSN, where the co-host from the opener extends the HSN "family"'s deepest condolences and explains to viewers that Marilyn's husband was brutally murdered. Marilyn says she had to "think long and hard" about coming back, but believes Lee would have wanted her to: "You see, his name is on these bottles too." He was her legal counsel, her accountant, her best friend. He believed in her, she says, wiping her eyes, then wonders how many husbands really believe in their wives, treat them as equals and partners. "We were a team," she quavers, caressing a bottle of perfume, "for 38 years, and I miss him very much." The co-host asks if she's able to go on. Marilyn nods, pulling herself together and remembering a piece of advice she got from a friend who hosted a TV show: "Just think of the little red light as the man you love." Push in on Marilyn, staring sadly at the red light, then closing her eyes.

[thisislizheather]

February Feats 2020

I write this from underneath two blankets, perched atop three pillows. This is day three of being sick (Nathan just joined me in illness yesterday) and I think I’m getting better but that could just be blind hope. In any case, I still have to tell you what went on last month. Forgive the tone of this post, it might be… affected.

I heard that Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker are going to be in the Paul Simon play Plaza Suite together and so I casually thought “Ooo, might be nice to catch” so I looked it up and tickets START at $700. So I guess fuck me then. I swear to god, this fucking city.

The best cover so far this year:

Above Photo: Brian Stauffer, The New Yorker

I rewatched a movie I love: The Door In The Floor and it really holds up well. Kim Basinger and Jeff Bridges and both too good at what they do. Love this movie so much.

I rewatched The Evil Dead and look I understand it’s probably a “good horror movie” especially for its time and budget, but I fucking hated it, maybe even more so than the last time that I saw it. Never again. Why do I keep rewatching things that I hate? I don’t have to like everything. I must repeat this to myself daily.

I had lunch at Daily Provisions and their lemon cruller was really good and light and the chicken club sandwich was good, too. Always a solid morning/afternoon place.

Favourite tweets of the month.

I tried Trader Joe’s Whole Wheat Couscous and maaaaan, it was so good. So I guess all couscous is good? Gotta get my hands on that pearly couscous. That seems like the money cousocus.

I made this Greek Couscous Salad for lunches for a week and didn’t get sick of it at all, I gotta remember to keep this in the rotation. I also kept the salad and the couscous separate until I wanted to eat, and then I’d join them together.

I can’t believe I hadn’t seen this sketch before (calling someone a “goofy bitch” just about killed me), also ignore how bad an actress Cardi B is.

I finished watching The Good Place and yes it was a good show. I don’t think l liked it as much as pretty much everyone else in my life who loved it, but it was definitely a good show. This scene was the best part of the finale, for sure. That song used in the scene will always elicit tears, I remember falling in love with it when it was used in the movie that everyone hated but me, Swept Away.

Again, I visited Everlane and it still disappoints. Why do I keep thinking it’ll be different each time? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I saw Parasite and it was wonderful and everyone who hasn’t seen it should see it. I haven’t heard from one person who didn’t like it. Universally liked!

I listened to the new Strokes single and hated it, so that’s something. Growth?

I haven’t seen the whole episode yet, but I really liked RuPaul’s SNL monologue.

Why isn’t everyone putting pickles on grilled cheese? Makes no sense. Fucking taste explosion.

I finally tried the (off-menu, must be requested when it’s not brunch) Cacio E Pepe at L’Artusi and holy christ, it might be better than their mushroom ragu. I KNOW. Such wild developments! (They also started serving at lunch, but only lunch delivery, not dine-in. SO this means nothing to me.)

I think I will officially stop buying candles from Bath & Body Works. The ones at Marshalls are cheaper, last longer and the variety of scents is endless. I have a candle from Marshalls right now simply called STORM and it really does kinda smell like stormy weather. Obviously I’m waiting for a thunderstorm to light that mother. I have mental issues?

I watched the newest season of Shrill (no big spoilers ahead) and loved it, obviously. The disappointing-ness of parents is so nicely shown (that moment at the restaurant when she asks her dad what he thinks of her boyfriend and he’s so indifferent, ugh so perfect), I absolutely LOVED the wedding episode (infact all of the episodes following that one are the best ones, I think I just love the episodes not centered about this not-great relationship with her and her boyfriend), the WEHAM episode is perfect (finally someone making fun of makeup for for legs), and I continue to love the character Fran. Really hoping for a third season, especially based on the season finale.

Don’t ask me why, but I watched most of the Police Academy movies and I think the Miami one might be the best one?? I couldn’t make it twenty minutes into the Moscow one, so I feel like you might want to trust me when I say that I know what I’m talking about.

These are my new favourite leggings of all time, they feel like you’re wearing nothing at all.

Cannot get over the beauty of these women and these outfits.

Above Photo: Camila Mendes

Above Photo: Nyma Tang

I watched the Michelle Carter documentary and I don’t know how other people feel, but it’s absolutely unreal that she was found guilty. Of course Nathan disagrees.

I ate at Frank for the first time in over a decade with the one and only Irene and it’s still great. Love that they do the opposite of al dente pasta here. Photos below.

Above Photo: Tagliatelle special, at Frank

Above Photo: Roasted garlic bread, at Frank

Above Photo: Mushroom pappardelle special, at Frank

I can’t find a link for them online, but I bought some reusable Leak Proof Snack Bags by Kitchen Details at Nordstrom Rack and they’re perfect since we typically use a million of those disposable ones for holding sunflower seeds and almonds

I threw out a lot of clothing/shoes/bags, so I went out and bought some things that I absolutely love. I now have a faux fur, brown evening coat that I’ve long dreamed of owning, a new everyday purse, a vintage, gold, mesh evening purse, new everyday shoes, more sunglasses and some new wedges that may or may not replace the older wedges I’ve had since 2006 (the ones lovingly referred to as my Terminators because of the massive fall that I took in them upon exiting the movie Terminator Salvation). I could show you all of the new pieces, but I’d much rather slide into a room you’re in to show you my new fur coat. However if it annoys you not to see any of these new things that bring my joy, here are two of them.

Above Photo: Classic Reeboks from DSW

Above Photo: I also got them in blue

I’ve actually started using tiny drops of facial oil mixed with my nighttime face lotion and even though I’ve only just started to do this, my face is already way less dry when waking up. I don’t know if I can do this in the hotter weather, but for now I’ll keep it up.

I know all of these are old songs, but I recently heard and fell in love with this Taylor Swift song. And this one. And this one. Oh and this one too.

I went to Giorgio’s of Gramercy again (the last time was a few years ago with Nathan) and it’s still great! I haven’t had a steak in awhile, but the one here? Holy hell. Magnificent.

I went to see the new Kubrick 2001 exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image and it was pretty neat. They have one of his Oscars on display in a case, which was actually really cool to see.

I read and reviewed a biography of Johnny Carson that truly sucked.

So Nathan and I are in the middle of watching McMillion$ and can I just say: boooooooooooooooo. I’ve never seen a “documentary” more over-produced, self-indulgent, superfluous and WILDLY overdone. It’s a bloody six part series that could’ve EASILY been an hour and a half movie. If you ever need proof of a documentary having too much money spend, my god have you found it. Of COURSE Mark Wahlberg has something to do with it, this man needs to fucking STOP. I know they are countless other men attached to the project too, but it’s much easier to shit on just him. God, what a waste of time. The Wikipedia page is more succinct.

I watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before 2: P.S. I Still Love You and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. Loved the Adventures in Babysitting reference right off the top (I’ll forever love that movie and it doesn’t get talked about enough), I loved pretty much every musical choice (these are my top three songs from the movie), and I loved the idea of doing another Thanksgiving in March (although I’m pretty sure Chrissy Teigen did this a few years ago and planted that great seed in my head). Definitely the best thing on Netflix at the moment.

Seeing this restored footage of NYC in 1911 is both exciting and eerie as hell, for some reason.

Nathan and I went to the Raptors game that ended their winning streak, sorry about that.

I’ve been consumed with reading so much stuff about what’s going on right now and this was a little helpful: 4 Practical Ways to Prepare Your Home for a Pandemic. Don’t judge me for sharing this link! I’m delirious.

Things that I’m looking forward to this month: visiting Collingwood and going skiing with my family, I might splurge and get that mini birthday cake from Momofuku Milk Bar, and the new season of On My Block comes out on the 11th. I’m pretty into the idea of turning 35, usually I’m more jacked about my birthday month but I think I’m too down to care at the moment. Caring coming soon.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in January over here.