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corgate-epistolary · 4 months ago

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May 5th, 624

(Transcript under the cut) (Read on Ao3 HERE)

[Delivered to Corgate May 6th, 624 – Received by Elowen Vance on May 14th, 624)

[Front of Envelope: Letter was mailed in a brown craft paper envelope tied with natural twine, addressed to:

Elowen Vance Corgate Post Office May 5th, 624

With the return address of:

Eris Mirrows 87 Lancedragon Strt. Avalon

In the top right, there is a sticker depicting an black engraving-style ice cream bowl on a white background, below which are the words “FOR YOUR HEART”.

Back of Envelope: The letter was sealed in mottled red & white sealing wax, with a wax seal depicting a crescent moon surrounded by orbital shapes & stars. Letter was tied with craft twine, with a small treble clef & key tied to the cord. In the bottom left there is a sticker depicting a black engraving-style steaming cup on a white background, below which is the word “BONJOUR”.

Interior pages: Written on mottled medium brown paper. It is lightly, almost invisibly, lined with slightly darker brown lines. In the top center, approximately 1 inch from the top, the words “THANKS FOR LIVING YEARS” can be seen on the paper. The writing is tidy, slightly rounded print in black ink.]

Eris Mirrows, A.Mg. 87 Lancedragon Strt. Avalon

May 5th, 624

Dear Ms. Vance, It is with great pleasure and a hint of surprise that I receive your letter. I did not expect the Corgate post system to be so quick to get your words to me. The simple fact that they have railroad tracks still amaze [sic] me. I do not know how Mg. Hawkins convinced you to move with him to this backwater part of the country without so much as a raise. What you would do for him, I wonder… Or rather, what he would do without you. I am pleased to read that Mg. Hawkins is in his element in the countryside and having a great time. Meanwhile, I have rarely heard Mg. Equlee complain so much as in the past few days. Something about how they will succomb [sic] to boredom without the most entertaining clown in town. I am divided between patting him on the back for the loss of his favorite pastime of picking a fight with your mage, or believing his condescending tone and idly nodding along. I have no doubt that they will

[End of Page 1] [Eris Mirrow’s address & the date appears on all pages, and have been eliminated for clarity]

find a way to piss each other off despite the distance, but I would never dare ruin the sulking of Mg. Equlee; which is the reason I have passed your most sincere apologies with as much dramatics as I could muster. You would, without a doubt, have been a better performer of this trick than I was. I do not know which shocked Mg. Equlee the most; to hear an apology from my mouth or that Mg. Hawkins did not leave a message for them through your letter. Either way, they resumed their theatrics a little less loudly so I suppose it must have worked. For what it is worth, I do share your reservation on this assignment. The Council does not make a habit of sending their greater mages away from Avalon without a reason. I remember on Kathrina Devolee, a good five years back or so, who’s [sic] name had been sullied by dirty rumors of unconventional use of magic, to which the Council had answered with a swift assignment to the North. I do not believe anyone has heard much from her since. (Writing these words, I realize it was indeed you who told me this tale. It goes to show, once again, that you are the ever flowing source of gossip in this part of town. I will do my best to fill the role in your absence, but do not keep your hopes up.)

[End of Page 2]

I have been around Vimes Place to get your satchel back. It was, as you have so helpfully provided, propped on the front table. You will forgive my curiosity as I could not help but wonder exactly what novels you would put alongside such ever-so-important notes. I am unsurprised to find there your classic Aliyah Prestance. I do not remember a time of our lives where you did not carry at least one of [scratch out - “your”] her works. I might’ve shipped a few recommendations of my own in your satchel, so do not be offput [sic] if it seems heavier than you remember it to be. Mg. Equlee was glad to put some complex lock on the whole package, no doubt just a tad more complex than necessary, just to be annoying. I hope you will be able to retrieve the contents fast enough. I will, of course, keep a watchfull [sic] eye on your plants. My green thumb might not be as good as yours but how hard could it be, right? Your plants are safe with me. I hope the countryside treats you well and

[End of Page 3]

that you will keep describing its people and sights in your letter. The world always seems brighter through your eyes, though I ever so wonder where that enthusiasm keeps coming from. I am hopeful that the Coucil [sic] will call you back soon enough. In the meantime, have my good wishes and thoughts.Awaiting your reply, Eris.

[To the right of the signature is a sticker depicting a tiger, a small girl, and a rabbit. The small girl is pulling clothes out of a suitcase the rabbit is sitting on. The art is done in an engraving style, with black lines on a white background.]

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just-my-latest-hyperfixation · 6 months ago

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Which of my top 5 characters is your fav?

I was tagged by @siobhanhawthorne - thx, honey! ❤️

Rules: make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite!

Five tags, zero pressure:

@wynnyfryd @wormdebut @sourw0lfs @xgumiho @medusapelagia

#polls #tag game #discworld #a song of ice and fire #stranger things #fullmetal alchemist

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catharsis-in-a-bottle · 4 months ago

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literally putting vimes in the blender right now. i'm not lying i'm putting him in with some ice and frozen mango and yogurt i'm literally making a smoothie.

#discworld #vimes #y'all it's been almost five months straight.....

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lizzisimss · 1 year ago

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Eclectic Craftsman-style Home

CC used (list below) Sequoia in San Sequoia 30 x 20 3 bed, 1 bath $122,384

AIRA – https://www.patreon.com/airacc

Décor tablet

House tissue box

Luxury tray

Planet pot

Trash can with stickers

Vanilla flower candle

Vanilla flower vase

Brazenlotus – https://www.patreon.com/BrazenLotus

LaundryMadeEssentials – Clothes Iron

charly pancakes - https://www.patreon.com/charlypancakes

The lighthouse collection merged

Chalk part 2

M & S Constructions part 1 merged

Modish merged

Munch merged

Smol merged

Soak merged

Weeds merged

Felixandre – https://www.patreon.com/felixandre

Fayun part 1 & 2

London interior

house of harlix - https://www.houseofharlix.com

Orjanic

Bafroom Merged

Baysic Bafroom Merged

Baysic merged

Harluxe Merged

Livin’Rum Merged

The Kichen

Tiny Twavellers merged

harrie - https://www.patreon.com/heyharrie

Country collection part 1 & 2

Octave part 1 merged

Kiwisim - https://www.patreon.com/Kiwisim4

Blockhouse

Piha

KKB – https://www.patreon.com/user?u=15789815

Citrus Room

leaf motif - https://leaf-motif.tumblr.com

Magnolia bathroom

Basil chair

Botanic boudoir

Calliope bathroom

Devon kitchen

Ivy hallway

Little ceramics

Sunny corner

Vintage crockery

Winter village

Patron gift 2

Lilis-palace – https://www.patreon.com/lilis_palace

Folklore set off the grid

Intarsia Biedermeier set

littledica - https://www.patreon.com/littledica

Countryside cabin merged

Eco kitchen stuff pack merged

Greasy gods merged

Rise & grind café merged

Sleek slumber stuff pack merged

Deligracy merged cottage living update

Madlen – https://www.patreon.com/madlen

Goth backpack

Kei plushie

max 20 - https://www.patreon.com/Max20

Child dream kit

Classic kitchen

Cozy backyard pack

Garden at home

Master bedroom pack

Mechtasims – https://www.patreon.com/mechtasims

Aphrodite set

Back to school

Essential clutter

Wiccan set

Mlys – https://mlyssimblr.tumblr.com/cc-catalog

Pufferhead

Momo-cc – https://www.patreon.com/MOMOCC

Bake A Pie

my cup of cc -https://www.patreon.com/mycupofcc

ColourTalk DiningStuff

Maple manor part 1

Maple manor the modernist collection living room

August 2021

Tiny dreamers merged

myshunosun - https://www.patreon.com/myshunosun

Bastvik dresser

Garden stories

The art room

Uma living

Arrie office

Daria bedroom

Dawn living

Dawn storage

Freja round fur rug

Gale dining

Simmify part 2

ONI – https://www.patreon.com/oni28

Cottage kitchen sink

Vintage living room lug

peacemaker - https://peacemaker-ic.tumblr.com/TS4O...

Bayside bedroom set merged

Country crafter

Elsie bedroom basics

Futura merged

Hamptons retreat merged

Hinterlands bedroom

Hudson bathroom

Iris seating

Kingston dining merged

Mid century eclectic merged

Paige seating

Province merged

Roarsome kids bedroom merged

Violette seating

Bowed arched lamp

pierisim - https://www.patreon.com/pierisim

Precious Promises

Calderone bedroom

MCM 1, 2, 3, 5 merged

Oak house 1, 2, 3, 5 merged

The office mini kit

Tidying up

Auntie vera bathroom merged

Coldbrew coffeeshop

Domaine du clos 1, 2, 3, 4 merged

Living room mini kit

Winter garden 1 & 2 merged

QICC - https://www.patreon.com/qicc

Evergreen balcony set

simplisticsims - http://simplisticsims4.com

Cottage ice box

Magnolia cottage rugs

RHckstove

RPCcotsworldsrug

Tedbakerwroughtironbed

vintagecountryartllb

sixiamcc - https://imfromsixam.tumblr.com/

breeze of greece

kids room

oak & concrete merged

artz

hotel bedroom

luxbath

retro vibes

SurelySims – https://www.patreon.com/surelysims

build wall plastic slats

deco ceral bowl

SYB – https://www.patreon.com/Syboubou

BonBon

Laundry

Nathalie

TaurusDesign – https://www.patreon.com/taurusdesign

Eliza walk in closet merged

Elsa Kids Room merged

Clutter Cat - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/thec...

222

Busy Bee

Busy Bee 2

Cat milk no 1 reloaded

Cat milk no 2 reloaded

Cozy casita

Cozy Cochina

Japan juice

Kawaii kidz

Mellow Moods

Petits pirates

Xfest22

TUDS -https://www.patreon.com/TudTuds

2nd Wave Merged

Vime closet merged

Waved merged

Awingedllama – https://www.patreon.com/awingedllama

Apartment therapy inspired stuff v2 merged

Paranormal plants all

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curarems · 2 years ago

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The properties of papadulapumofofopa

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Relationships: Samuel Vimes & Young Sam Vimes

Characters: Samuel Vimes, Young Sam Vimes, Marquess Underbumble Soarwind Egregious | MUSE the Swamp Dragon (OC)

Words: 3608

Young Sam spends time at the Watchhouse. Sam Vimes², father-son bonding, because I am a sucker for those. All scientific ramblings in this are about 2% fact and 98% nonsense.

Read on AO3

_____________

The explosion gave them a pause.

A moment of silence followed during which everyone had a brief assessment of the situation. Then, the activity around the Watch House resumed.

It wasn’t that unusual of an occurrence, after all.

Vimes and Angua exchanged a look.

“I’ll go and check,” she told him.

Vimes nodded, then paused. An image projected itself in his mind – his office, the cold mug of coffee left on his desk.

The paperwork. He has been putting it off for the past few hours; surely a few more minutes would be fine.

“No, I’ll take care of it. Get Kipper and you two go and check out that robbery on Gleam Street.”

"Sir.”

Vimes took the steps to the forensic lab at a leisurely pace. He took out a cigar from his case; then thought better of it and put it back. Best not to go in with more fires.

As he got there, he noticed a thin trail of smoke coming from under the door.

Vimes gave that a thought, then another, then dismissed it altogether.

He opened the door.

He was momentarily blinded. He teared up, eyes stinging from the smoke.

Then the smell hit him.

Ankh-Morpork had a natural smell. Its citizens were proud of it. Invaders considered it enough of a deterrent to turn on their heels [1]. The river Ankh made its own contribution, being famous for being the only river that you could sometimes walk on without sinking in [2], as well as possibly the only chewable water on the Disc – and its stench in the summer was unforgettable, much to the lament of those whose olfactory cells simply gave up and refused to recover for months in fear of being exposed to it again. There was Foul Ole Ron, whose Smell had similar effects and announced its presence from two streets away. Sometimes he had that scruffy dog with him. That one carried his own stink.

[1] This resulted in several broken ankles due to the general nobility’s inability to give up their puffed-up sleeves and thighs and above all, heeled shoes in which some of them had yet to learn to walk, despite decades of trying. It was the Century of the Anchovy and ‘an modern cytie’, according to The Times and Vimes knew better than to imply men couldn’t wear heels or women couldn’t participate in a fight – however, they didn’t need to be utterly stupid about it. Besides, Vimes thought he deserved some kind of compensation for being made to wear those shoes on more than one occasion; and it didn’t count with nobs. He was allowed to ridicule nobs, though they did the job well enough even without any of his input.

[2] Without it being winter and frozen. Besides, even if the river Ankh was covered in ice, only a fool would consider using it for ice skating. Unfortunately for the Watch (who were responsible for dragging the fools out of the river) and for the doctors at Lady Sybil (who often ended up doing check-ups for said fools to make sure no body parts melted and no poisoning occurred) and fortunately for the citizens of Ankh-Morpork (who were not currently in the river)’s amusement, there were plenty such fools in the city.

If one combined all of these, with a pinch of Smell ala Nobbs, spoiled cheese and eggs and rotten fruits, one might get something similar to what was in the lab.

“Ye gods,” said Vimes once he stopped coughing. “Are you trying to outstink the Ankh?”

He was suddenly very glad that it was him who went in and not the werewolf with a sensitive nose.

“Thorry, thir,” the Watch Igor said with what would be a sheepish grin on any other face; one not crossed with stitches and pulled in all directions.

“Nevermind. What were you lot doing?”

Now that his vision somewhat cleared, he could see the state of the lab. There was a strange glowing green liquid splattered on the walls – was it flashing yellow at times? - and one of the desks was partly reduced to ashes. Cheery held a large vial in her hands with some unnaturally orange glittery liquid inside from which all the smoke was coming from. His son was shuffling his feet behind her.

“Trying out this new substance!” Cheery’s face brightened. “They are calling it papadulopulopofomopa, discovered in the Agatean empire. We just got our first samples. The properties seem to be all over the place, but we think it’s mostly affecting the respiratory system–”

“Really,” said Vimes, whose nose was still working only thanks to being a born and bred Morporkian.

“– and skeletal muscles, specifically as a myorelaxant, though it did give Igor brief hallucinations and we haven’t figured out why yet.”

“We were testing out what it does in reaction with sodium and potassium,” Young Sam told him sheepishly, but he was grinning.

“And what have you discovered?”

Young Sam shrugged. The small dragon sleeping on his shoulders almost fell off, but he steadied him in time. “Boom?”

Vimes rubbed his eyes.

“Right.”

The lad was covered in soot. The helmet on his head leaned sideways. The lab cloak was beyond saving, what with being purple – and Vimes didn’t want to know how he managed that colour, it being white the last time he saw it. The safety goggles and shield were almost comically large on his face.

He made a quick decision.

“Come on, Sam, you better clean up before showing up like this at school, or your mother will have my head[3]. When do you need to be there?”

[3] Vimes, on the other hand, would be delighted at the prospect of his son scandalizing all those rich folks Sam went to school with.

“Uh,” Young Sam glanced at the clock. “I still have a few hours. I only have afternoon classes today.”

Young Sam, at the age of fifteen, was a proud student of Assassin’s Guild School. Vimes protested, but Sybil put her foot down about ‘good education’ and ‘tradition’ and the Patrician, blast that bastard, gave him a glowing recommendation at his old school; possibly just to spite Vimes, but possibly because he liked Young Sam. It was only a small comfort that Young Sam had no intention of joining the Black Syllabus and seemed more interested in sneaking into the Watch’s forensic laboratory and helping out every saturday at the Free Hospital, where he had a tendency to tail Mossy Lawn like a very persistent shadow.

“Do you need help with cleaning?” the boy asked Cheery and Igor.

“No, go ahead,” Cheery said.

“I wanth to tetht that green liquid,” Igor said.

Vimes looked at the wall. “As long as it doesn’t crumble the Yard, go ahead.”

He took Marquess Underbumble Soarwind Egregious [4] from his son. Young Sam took off the cloak and threw it in the bin, as well as the ruined gloves, putting away the rest of his equipment. They left the lab together.

[4] Or MUSE for short, as both Sam Vimeses tended to call that mustard yellow lump of a dragon. Vimes the Elder didn't see what was so inspiring about him, but who was he to judge.

The smell had spread through the hallways, though it didn’t seem to reach the busier areas yet.

The dragon huffed in its sleep. This close, the smell of the dragon was mixing up with the smell from the lab. Vimes was close to tearing up again.

He snorted.

“They explode at the slightest excitement, but sleep through an explosion.”

The corners of Young Sam’s lips tugged upwards, then widened into another grin as MUSE’s eyes slowly opened. Vimes readjusted his hold on him, carefully placing that mustard-coloured chemical factory over to hang from his shoulder.

“Isn’t he the sweetest thing?” Young Sam cooed as he tickled the dragon’s belly.

“If you insist.”

Young Sam took after his father in colouring, the wiry figure and thin face, though his nose was unbroken and his features slightly softer from his Ramkin side. He had the same unfortunate ears, though they didn’t stick out as much as Vimes’s had when he was his age. The smile was all Sybil, the lucky lad, as was the height – he already towered over his father, and gods, he had grown up so fast, where did all that time go? He thought of the baby whose biggest interest was whether he could fit his foot into his mouth and whether his hand was bigger than his father’s, and where was his cow; and really, with all the interest the boy had shown in collecting poo, Vimes should have known how letting Cheery take him to the forensic lab would end up.

He looked at the boy - he was now scratching the top of MUSE’s head. Gods, soon he would start shaving.

He had also inherited his mother’s obsession with dragons.

“What is he even doing here?” Vimes asked.

“He didn’t want to let go of me in the morning,” Young Sam told him. “He’s a softie. Mom said I shouldn’t be spoiling him so much, but aren’t you adorable, yes, there, no, don’t eat my finger, good boy, but he’s no bother, he’s just lonely.”

His son leaned across his shoulder to kiss the dragon’s head.

Vimes privately thought the small thing was rather ugly. Not Errol ugly, but certainly more so than the average swamp dragon ugly.

Young Sam thought the world of it.

“Don’t make him explode on me, Sammy.”

“Sure thing, dad.”

They reached the showers. Unsurprisingly, they were empty. Watchmen weren't known for their hygiene, even less so for showering this early in the day.

As they stopped, Young Sam frowned.

"Are you wearing Washpot's boots?"

Vimes looked at his boots. “Of course not. Go on. I’ll take MUSE to my office.” And start doing the goddamn paperwork.

“Can you keep him until lunch? I can go and grab us something to eat.”

Vimes thought about his BLT, minus the B.

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks,” Young Sam smiled and leaned down to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you later.”

When did he get so big? The warm tingling on his cheek stayed for a while.

It had been remarked that the Commander’s office at Pseudopolis Yard was swimming in papers. This was, in fact, untrue – A. E. Pessimal was very punctilious about organizing and having papers thrown around just wouldn’t do. Unfortunately for A. E., Commander Vimes’s opinion on the matter differed greatly. In a manner of trying to compromise, they’ve settled on piles in shapes that suited A. E.’s methodical mind, as well as setting up the piles based on their urgency, but which nonetheless had Commander’s messy signature in form of not being separated in any other way – that is, context, author, date of origin, or anything.

There was also the fact that the piles were endless.

A person remarking that the office was swimming in papers would be incorrect. A far more accurate description would be saying that the piles, now stacked on the floor in an attempt to find the desk, reached all the way up to the ceiling[5] and formed a paper wall. It was meticulously organized in a way that made the piles straighter than Vimes would have thought possible, which only served to reinforce the image of a genuine wall.

[5] Much to Vimes’s annoyance. He was not a tall man and to reach the top piles, he had taken to standing on a chair. As much as it would ease his life, he had refused a ladder. A man had his pride.

Vimes took another report from one of the piles on his desk. The misplacement of vowels and switching of c’s and k’s was a nice touch, revealing the author as a watchman before he even started reading.

Getting through all that rubbish people brought him was impossible. Some of the complaints would get him a migraine if he wasn’t so used to them. The spelling could speed up a man’s balding. Filling in all the forms, requests, writing his own reports. But it had to be done. He knew what the Watch was like before; he knew how easy it was to misuse the power it gave. He barely even knew his own Watchmen anymore. Gods, how many even were there? The number was high in the hundreds; not to mention the Sammies, who regularly shipped paperwork to his desk too. It was better to keep track. The reports were buried in the pile-wall, to be seen who knows when, but they were there.

He missed the days his job was less paperwork and more patrolling. But... He was getting older. His knees and back weren't what they used to be. And his responsibilities went far beyond the Watch these days. He thought of Sybil's and Young Sam's identical smiles, and chased away the ideas of daily chases after criminals.

The paperwork, harrowing as it was, made him feel somewhat useful.

The next report’s commas decided to try tango, which meant Carrot. He blinked in an attempt to chase away the incoming headache. He would need to look into the traffic reports today; after yesterday’s busy roads, there were far too many of them.

He paused, then turned around. He stared. He grinned.

Where there used to be a pile A. E. classified as ‘not too important’, which Vimes knew meant ‘people complaining about the sun shining too bright and The Times not posting their funny vegetable’, was now nothing.

“Well done, boy,” he told MUSE.

The dragon chewed through the last bits of paper.

“Hello, Sam.”

The lad waved cheerfully with his free hand as he closed the door with his foot. He had changed into his black clothes for school, which Vimes wasn’t the biggest fan of – they were assassin robes, damn it – but could tolerate, on the account of Young Sam liking them. The smell from the lab wasn’t clinging to him anymore. His hair looked as though a rabbit made its home in there.

“Hi, dad!”

He deposited the takeaway box on the desk, dragged a chair from the corner of the room and dropped in; arms crossed, legs stretched.

“What did you bring?”

Young Sam only grinned. Vimes raised his eyebrow.

“Come on, open it. I already ate on the way.”

Vimes carefully did so.

“I clacksed mom [6] if I could,” Young Sam continued. “And she said yes, so there you go. She says you still have to eat your BLT, though.”

[6] The new disorganizers – what was it, mark 9? 10? 11? Vimes lost track – had a quite advanced clacks function, allowing messages to be delivered quickly even without a clacks tower. Vimes still wasn’t sure how to use them, nor did he want to find out.

The words barely registered in his head at first, him being so captivated by the content of the box. Then, once he fully digested their meaning, an idea started forming-

“She says you are not to feed it to Marquess Underbumble Soarwind Egregious either.”

The idea died.

“You wouldn't have to tell her,” he tried.

“Sorry, dad. Mom’s orders.”

“Right.” He glanced back at the box, then looked at Young Sam. “Burnt Brown Crunchy Bits?”

His son winked mischievously.

“Straight from Harga’s."

Suddenly, even the BLT seemed bearable.

“When did you say your school starts?” he asked as he took the first bite. He savoured the taste. Gods, it's been ages since he had the good stuff - he could feel that Harga hadn't cleaned the chippers in years. Just as he liked it. He would need to get Young Sam something in return. The lad was a gift, always.

“Not until half past two and I have only two classes. It’s exam season and everyone is busy, so the schedule is lighter than usual for the next few days.”

Vimes signed a report he’d been reading – that is, skimming through mindlessly and wishing for its end.

“You’ll be hanging around then?”

Young Sam’s eyes brightened. “Yes, I plan to go to Igor and Cheery again tomorrow. I ran into Cheery when she was leaving on a patrol just as I was going to your office and she say they might have discovered the reason for the violent reaction of papadulopulopofomopa with sodium and potassium. It was rather perplexing, you see – sodium and potassium are fine with each other, and individually neither of them reacted with papadulopulopofomopa, though we expected them to, but the second they were added together?” He threw his hands around. “Boom. So we were rather confused. But Cheery and Igor have a few theories now and we think some of them might work, so we are going to look at it together tomorrow after my morning class,” he paused. “We still don’t know why after the explosion the liquid started flashing green and yellow, though. Evidently, it even switched to purple at some point when they were cleaning up.”

“Goodness,” said Vimes who hadn’t understood a word.

“Yes!” his son nodded enthusiastically. “And I was thinking about the properties of it and it makes no sense! Bronchoconstriction and myorelaxant are pretty straightforward and I think we may figure out how papadulopulopofomopa causes hallucinations, but we also noticed some more minor effects that I have no clue where they are coming from.”

“Papamodopopafa,” Vimes repeated.

MUSE climbed his leg up to his lap.

“Papadulopulopofomopa,” Young Sam corrected him.

“Papadupulofopapa.”

“Papadulopulopofomopa.”

Vimes suspected the way he said it in italics was Carrot’s influence.

“Papadupopolo... Mafamapa?”

“Papadulopulopofomopa.”

“Papadulomofo– Hey!” he swatted the dragon on its head. “Those are my Burnt Brown Crunchy Bits!”

MUSE obliviously swallowed his bite.

“You can share,” Young Sam suggested innocently.

Vimes sent him a look of sheer betrayal. The lad burst out laughing.

“My own son,” he shook his head in disbelief.

Young Sam laughed harder.

Vimes relented, grunting. Then– “MUSE, stop eating that!”

He detangled the dragon’s claws from his breeches and put him down on the floor. He threateningly pointed his finger.

The dragon watched him with an expression of utter bafflement and empty-headedness. Young Sam had tears in his eyes, but he was slowly calming down.

“You,” said Vimes, “stay there. No climbing up my leg. No flying onto the desk. No eating my food without permission. Got it?” The dragon remained unresponsive. “Good. Now,” he turned to Young Sam. “You were saying – papadulapupafapa?”

Young Sam erupted into a new round of laughter. Vimes resisted the tugging at the corners of his lips, but his eyes were twinkling.

“Dad!” he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. The laughter slowly receded.

What followed next happened too fast. Young Sam reaching for his father’s mug, hoping to chase away the sudden dryness in his throat; Vimes’s eyes widening; Vimes’s loud "Don’t!” coming half a second too late. Young Sam started coughing.

“The Watch House coffee,” Vimes told him drily. “I know you don’t like that stuff.”

“No one likes the Watch coffee, dad! Why do you even have it here?”

“I like it.” he said.

Young Sam, in an attempt to get the taste out of his mouth, took a quick bite from the Crunchy Bits.

Vimes didn’t have the heart to stop him.

“Nice, good strong flavour,” Young Sam said approvingly [7].

[7] Young Sam, unlike his father, didn’t consider Burnt Brown Crunchy Bits to be the pinnacle of culinary efforts. He could, however, appreciate anything that could rid him of the famous taste of the Watch coffee.

Vimes grunted. He finished what remained of his Crunchy Bits, ignoring the look MUSE kept sending him. Vimes heard of puppy eyes, but in his private opinion, dragons and Young Sam were far better at them than puppies ever were. For example, MUSE was using award-worthy ones right now.

“I should get going,” Young Sam told him later as he stood up. “I don’t want to be late for class.”

Vimes mindlessly nodded, absorbed in a report which achieved astounding grammatical feats. Then he frowned.

“Not like that, you aren’t.”

Young Sam blinked. “Like what?”

“Lean down"

Vimes got up from his chair and crossed over to his son. Young Sam did as he was told, though confusion stayed on his face.

“Your hair,” Vimes explained as he tried to tame it into a reasonable shape. “That’s a bird’s nest you have right there.”

“As you say, dad.”

He let him straighten up, then fixed his collar. The lad had no right be that tall. He patted him on the shoulder. “There you go. Good luck.”

“Thanks, dad. I’ll be home by six.” Young Sam gave a rather cheerful lazy salute as he left.

The smile on Vimes’s face looked like that of someone looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses.

“Washpot, are those my dad’s boots?”

Constable Visit-The-Infidel-With-Explanatory-Pamphlets look down at his boots, good quality and sturdy, then back at Young Sam.

The boy’s eyes were twinkling.

“I don’t know what you mean. May I interest you in Omnianism?

Young Sam winked at him as he walked out of the building.

“Papodulopopufoma,” said Vimes.

Sybil looked at her husband, who was resting against her side with his eyes closed, and frowned.

“Papadupokopata,” he tried again.

“Sam, what are you on about?”

“Just something Young Sam mentioned today.”

Sybil gave it a thought, nodded to herself and went back to sleep. That was all right, then.

#this is actually the first thing i finished writing since 2021 and it's once again a one-shot lol #discworld #sam vimes #young sam vimes

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tonydaddingham · 1 year ago

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Longwinded anon from yesterday again:) The thing about Crowley's self-contradictory narratives about his Fall, which are a warning that the viewer/reader should PROCEED WITH CAUTION, is that Gaiman writes all of them in ways that don't just diminish Crowley's responsibility, but also diminish just whom he was "hanging out" with. At the end of the day, there is nothing in canon or in Word of God *cough* to suggest that Lucifer & co. are anything other than evil according to our understanding of the term. God is also horrible--the novel and the series both take the bog-standard theological position "God's ways cannot be reduced to human concepts of good and evil" and push it to the logical conclusion--but "Lucy and the boys" are not an improvement, even though Crowley conceals that by talking about them as though they're random teenagers hanging out on the street corner getting up to random teenage mischief. (Insert my irritated rant here about the "God ships it!" trope in this fandom, which in the moral universe of the novel/series has horrific implications.) It's a revolt in which the revolutionary leaders are at best identical to the regime they're revolting against, and produce an outcome that's just as oppressive.

Crowley keeps trying to pretend that he didn't choose to do anything, but he's in a plot where free will means that it's paramount that you admit you have choices, make them, and then take responsibility for the results. Both the novel & the series explicitly come out and say this, in different ways, during the climax at the airfield. Crowley /chose/ to hang out with some terrible people, even though Crowley himself is not fundamentally terrible. He's just morally flawed like Aziraphale is (and Aziraphale's own journey in series one involves realizing that he has also /chosen/ to be with some terrible people and taking action to remedy that). But if you decide to chill out with [insert horrible political group here], then other people get to ask some hard questions and arrive at some hard conclusions about your own politico-moral beliefs. There's been a summary of the standard Vimes plot in Discworld circulating around Tumblr for a while, in which Vimes screws up, realizes that he screwed up, and decides to stop screwing up, but still has to accept the consequences of screwing up. That's also Crowley's plot, by and large, except Crowley so far has not been so great with step four.

hello Longwinded Anon✨ hope you dont mind the delay but after your first ask, and now this one, I wanted to ruminate on it all a little more in the hope i can respond with my own thoughts perhaps a little more intelligently... rather than you catching me when my feed was going beserk and also having to work in human-being world which was (as impeccable cosmic timing wills it so) also very busy - hence brain at the time being the consistency of melted chocolate icing.

for anyone else reading, the previous ask is here along with my original dumbass reply, but full response to that and this current ask are under the cut (she's lengthy, apologies in advance) (no seriously, a huge post but in my defence there is a lot to unpack from these asks)

first off, i think your reflection on how crowley was written, honestly, is exactly how he should be written, or at least is a very authentic way to write him.

i feel like some writers write characters the same way that one raises a child; the situations and dynamics you expose them to, the lessons you teach them... and what - over time - comes out are decisions, thought processes, personality traits and opinions that one is sometimes shocked by, surprised by, and even sometimes appalled by. this to me is the most truthful way you can make a character come alive off the page; they feel like theyve not just stepped fully formed out of someone's imagination, but have been nurtured into being exactly who they were always going to be, and even then may still have some growing to do.

so this is how i see crowley's character, in the abstract. he is, the same as any one of us, a product of his experiences and lessons. it doesnt matter if he only exists on paper or indeed on tv; any well written character will feel like they are a person that sometimes you will be shocked, surprised, or appalled by. you'd hope that whatever situation they come across, they make the right decisions. and that's why crowley being an arguably immoral character is so fascinating to me, and right, correct, and appropriate. i think he's written exactly how he should be written for this reason.

anyway i digress. i see your point about how possibly an overarching concept of 'political allegory', as you succinctly put it, morphed somewhat into being something way more subjective and personal, and possibly wasnt meant to be. but respectfully (genuinely welcome your thoughts here, i think i might have misinterpreted), isnt that the entire point? whatever kaleidoscope the concept of objective morality - the argument of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil - is seen through, doesnt it all boil down to how we think and act as people on the smallest of scales?

to me yes, crowley's self justification of his actions are very reminiscent of the idea of responsibility in command, in that he effectively appears to wash his hands of said responsibility when there is a higher entity to own it for him. there is validity to the nuremberg defence as a concept, but it has to be rationalised against the result - "do the ends justify the means?", as ive said before - and in many peoples lives, we literally justify our actions because we're just doing what we're told.

hardly the same scale as say the apocalypse or mass genocide, granted. but my point stands; morality to me is a fallible construct, same as anything else. why is what is evil, evil? and what is good, good? who decides that? and when is a good action necessary for the sake of evil, and an evil action necessary for the sake of good? doesnt that by definition mean that the good action becomes an evil one, and vice versa? how far does the stain spread when it makes contact?

a lot of what i do in my own job could be considered immoral on paper in actual physical words (and i wont go into further detail for risk of doxxing myself lol). but who is to decide that, when i can justify what i do because im told to do it by far more significant people than myself, and that accountability is removed from me? and also because i know that i am doing it for a good reason? things that on face value, in black and white, seem questionable, until i told you the context in which i do them?

context is key to morality. someone that gives to charity and promotes for good causes to the point of being awarded prestigious titles and rewards can be found to have essentially done it in order to commit evil atrocities. and suddenly, that evil taints the good immediately... the good even amplifies the evil of that initial action. what was initially evil is now even more evil because the conduit was something good.

context, and full, complete context, is not only key, but it is inescapably necessary when discussing morality.

this is where i come back to my interpretation of not only aziraphale and crowley, but good omens in general. the bureaucratic setting for this story's concept of good and evil trivialises this, and i think its meant to. the sterile nature of heaven/hell in GO is the perfect backdrop because i think it makes you as the reader/viewer misguidedly downplay the concept of morality, when instead as the reader you should be seeing it even more obviously than before.

yes its obviously comedic and very droll - and i love it equally for that reason; most of us have all had shitty office jobs and equally shitty bosses - but to me the main thing i take away from the sterile, efficient nature of penthouse heaven and the messy, filthy chaos of basement hell is that evil has nowhere to hide in the former, and good is practically a beacon in the latter.

crowley to me - for all the things that i love about him - is the character out of our duo that actively warps amd distorts the context. he plainly chooses to remain blind to certain aspects, because, frankly, it suits him. he completely disregards that he is in fact in charge of his actions, and that he alone is accountable for them. "but he loves the earth, wants to save it, he's threatened by hell, he's traumatised from the fall, he just wants a home", yes, that's all possibly true, and thats the context, but all of it is to his own benefit.

(i will add here that the descriptor of crowley as a "proto-Marxist with demon-class consciousness" was - well, to this house comprising of two political history enthusiasts, VERY funny)

he is, first and foremost a demon, and it's not a demons job to be altruistic, that's true. and crowley has moments of kindness yes (debatable book vs show imo), but does that justify his actions? him doing a bad thing (planning to kill a child) for a good reason (save the world) - shouldnt that, by the same logic, stain the good? in my opinion, it does. because he wants to save the earth for his own ends (which to be fair to him- absolutely understandable), but saving humanity seems to be just a byproduct. and in the same vein, just because he is under pressure and is scared, does not mean that he has any moral high ground in tempting aziraphale to kill warlock.

i still cannot fathom how anyone would try to trick their friend (crush? lover? partner?) into committing such an act. antichrist or not, killing an eleven year old boy. in the show specifically, aziraphale evidently displays discomfort with the idea, and abruptly shakes off the temptation and changes the subject. but even when aziraphale is clearly upset by the prospect, crowley pushes. and pushes. silver tongue indeed. to me, and this again would be a separate post, makes me wonder how convenient it has been all along for crowley to be friends with aziraphale. his feelings may have developed since or he may have had an initial crush, I don't know, but how much of that emerging and later established friendship went hand-in-hand with aziraphale just simply being useful to crowley?

theres no apology for the warlock temptation, and this to me is because aziraphale either doesn't realise that he did what he did, or because he's choosing to dismiss it; either option shows the huge amount of blind and arguably naive faith that aziraphale has in crowley (not going over this again, but ive touched on this here, but put it this way - aziraphale really has his faults where faith is concerned, and imo is part of why he and crowley came to verbal blows about how to handle armageddon - aziraphale has real issues with faith and pedestals). and like you intimated, anon, does crowley realise this? take advantage of this, because it suits him? yes, i think he does.

honestly congratulations to anyone who has made it this far (including you, anon), but the party isn't over yet!

so i made a post earlier about crowley's fall, and how obvious it now seems (anon may agree or disagree) that crowley's reason for falling is either complete bullshit, or was concocted by a higher power than himself. now i said jokingly in the tags that i hope its the latter because im a sucker for a It Was All For A Reason trope, the romantic that i am, but of course it may be neither, or even a bit of both. only time will tell, just have to wait and see.

but in response to your point about the difference (or there lack of) between god and the archangels, and 'lucifer and the guyyyys', it too (as i think youre getting at) demonstrates to me the differences in the respective definitions of revolution vs rebellion. a power vacuum that is replaced with an equally shit alternative is not change, progressive or inert; its just an insurrection that only succeeds to change the letterhead on the stationery.

i take it from the next bit of your ask that you consider free will to be a complete, comprehensive concept in heaven; that they are free to ask questions, to hang out with who they want etc. and i completely agree based on those examples; it must exist. but i come back to my previous point on whether (in essence) morality can truly be defined without context, and if so how this works with free will.

so, i appreciate that there must be the concept of fear in heaven if angels are discouraged (forbidden?) from questioning god, but is there any concept of punishment in heaven at this point, do you think?

my understanding is that there isn't; that falling wasnt a concept until The Fall, so what else could happen to an angel that starting exercising free will a bit too far? do you think it would follow the same bit (refrained from the word 'gimmick' here) as heaven being a corporate office; if you ask god a question she doesn't like, do you get stuck on the recycling roster? /j

the archangels are portrayed as being practically morally vacant; is that not similarly punishable? i guess what im leading to is: do you think crowley, at this point, whilst able to exercise free will, even understood the implications of hanging out with these people? would he have continued to do so if he had had the benefit of experience to know why they were a Bad Thing that he Shouldnt Get Involved With - experience of which presumably he didnt have before he fell?

obviously this doesnt invalidate the simple fact that crowley doesnt appear to have learnt from his experiences when he rises again as a demon and up until where his story is now. but if crowley is still mentally and emotionally stuck at the moment in time that he fell, stuck in that moment like a perpetually shaken snowglobe, unable to accept that that was the consequence of his actions, does that say more about his character, or more about whether his fall was justifiable in the first place? or... is that the point?

i hope you don't mind that i barely talked about aziraphale; my mental acuity has dropped significantly in the last two hours, but in any case i hope to see you in my asks again soon, anon✨

#good omens #crowley #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy #as may be abundantly clear from this post #i have a habit of Not Getting To The Point #and a similarly frustrating habit of talking about stuff noone asked for #but enjoy i... guess?#ask #tldr: rhi gets on her uneducated philosophical bullshit once again #personal #because of the personal reference that i may live to regret #the legend of the longwinded anon✨

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asparklethatisblue · 2 years ago

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top five books? and feel free to rant as much as you like about why they're awesome :)

oooh ok! I suck at explaining why I like things though hah in no particular order:

Master and Margarita by Michael Bulgakov. Really interesting satire and social commentary on early Soviet Union things. It’s really well written and intriguing, there’s a lot of examination of Christianity (as something that was looked down upon during the era) and Pontius Poliatus as a POV character. It’s just very good and I have read it in different languages

Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett: so good? So funny and biting once you get into it. Come for the crossdressing shenanigans, stay for the horrors of war and the military leaders destroying their own country by warfare and the strain it puts on a country. Also amazing characters. I keep listening to the audiobook version a lot. Has a character I wanna be when I grow up

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: very well written. A completely original fantasy story set in what’s more or less fantasy Russia with one of the main characters being a Jewish girl who’s painfully aware of how much others hate her. Has ice fae. Reads like a fairy tale. It was the first time I read a book with a main character of my ethnic background lol. But it also has a LOT of emphasis on love and family (of choice) and how things like cleansing and needlework is its own kind of magic. It doesn’t look down on the women in it doing traditionally feminine things

The Wizard of Earthsea by Urusla LeGuin: I love the world building. How the most powerful magic is just. Sitting down and watching the world and not speaking. Grappling with mistakes and powers and different cultures and I love that universe

Night Watch by Terry Pratchett: my favourite Vimes novel, it’s so. Well the urgency and sadness and grief and again, social commentary… works best if you’ve read the previous Vimes books I think. For the character development

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doumekiss · 1 year ago

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doumekiss 2023 fanfic masterlist

A Song of Ice and Fire

When You Were Young - 3/9 - (Lyanna/Howland)

Beyond Duty - 2/2 (Stannis/Catelyn)

Switched Fates - 4/? (Multiple ships and characters)

I am ash from your fire - oneshot (Elia/Rhaegar)

runs in the family - oneshot (Daenerys)

but I'll see you in my holiest dreams - oneshot (Sansa/Mya)

Be more like the man you were made to be - oneshot (Ned/Ashara)

I Can See You - oneshot (Cersei/Lyanna)

Four Girls Sansa Stark Could Have Loved - oneshot (Multiple pairings)

Adventure Time

ten more minutes - oneshot (Marceline/Bonnibel)

Anne with an E

one single thread of gold tied me to you - oneshot (Diana/Anne)

Boy Meets World

Jump Rope Gazers - oneshot (Eric/Jack)

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

2 A.M. - oneshot (Buffy/Faith)

Community

Holding Hands at Disneyland - oneshot (Annie/Jeff)

Chrestomanci

The Art of Saying Goodbye - oneshot (Conrad/Christopher)

Discworld

A Missed Oportunity - oneshot (Vimes/Vetinari)

Doctor Who

Placebo - 2/2 (Rory/11th Doctor)

Baby It's You - oneshot (Barbara/Ian)

Dungeon Meshi

Oh...oh no - oneshot (Laios/Kabru)

Fairy Tales

I’m not a queen, I am a woman take my hand - oneshot (Aurora/Snow White)

Father Ted

Priests Do Not Feel Jealousy - oneshot (Ted/Dougal)

Gilmore Girls

I no longer feel I have to be James Dean - oneshot (Rory/Jess)

Good Omens

Practicing Gratitude (Aziraphale/Crowley)

Gossip Girl

after all that we've been through I know we're cool - oneshot (Nate & Blair)

Greek Mythology

he is not midas (you have always been golden) - oneshot (Ariadne/Dyonisus)

Most Beloved - oneshot (Penelope/Odysseus)

I Know love is mean - oneshot (Aphrodite/Helen)

Hawkeye

I look up at the gaps of sunlight (I miss you more than anything) - 2/2 (Clint/Kate)

How I Met Your Mother

The Canine Excuse - oneshot (Robin/Barney)

Invader Zim

Hot Chocolate - oneshot (Dib & Zim)

just like heaven - oneshot (Richie/Eddie)

He is with You - oneshot (Bill & Mike)

Kobayashi-san Chi No Dragon Maid

Lingerie - oneshot (Tohru/Kobayashi)

Managing Expectations - oneshot (Fafnir/Takiya)

Just a Cold - oneshot (Tohru/Kobayashi)

Maleficent

The Beauty of Shadows - oneshot (Maleficent/Aurora)

Mob Psycho 100

I could even learn how to love like you - oneshot (Mob & Reigen)

Mean Girls

Come as you are - oneshot (Janis & Regina)

Merlin

Are we out of the woods yet? - oneshot (Morgana/Gwen)

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint

Inside your head - 33/? (Dokja/Joonghyuk)

Oshibudo

Private Message - oneshot (Maina/Eripiyo)

Princess Tutu

Fairytale Logic - oneshot (Ahiru/Fakir)

Ranma 1/2

When a Curse Stops Being a Curse - oneshot (Ranma/Akane)

Red Dwarf

comfortable thoughts - oneshot (Rimmer/Lister)

frankenstein - oneshot (Rimmer/Lister + Frankie)

mutual benefit - oneshot (Rimmer/Lister)

Seraphina

Positive Reinforcement - oneshot (Seraphina/Glisselda)

Stardew Valley

Happy Wife, Happy Life - oneshot (Haley/F!Farmer)

Stargate Atlantis

The Kirk Routine - oneshot (John/Rodney)

Star Trek : Lower Decks

hits different 'cause it's you - oneshot (Mariner/Boimler)

Star Trek: Voyager

James T. Kirk is Not Trying to Steal Your Boyfriend - oneshot (Icheb/Q Junior)

Succession

love is a losing game - oneshot (Roman/Gerri)

Supernatural

girl in the war - oneshot (Charlie/Jo)

the altar is my hips - oneshot (Dean/Castiel)

Dean Winchester’s Amazing Transparent Closet - oneshot (Sam & Dean, Castiel/Dean)

The Breakfast Club

Pretty in Black - oneshot (Allison/Andrew)

The Goldfinch

loving him was red - oneshot (Boris/Theo)

The Locked Tomb

About Last Night... -1/? (Gideon/Harrow)

The Mighty Boosh

Colour my life with the chaos of trouble - oneshot (Vince/Howard)

Let's Buy a Zoo - oneshot (Vince/Howard)

The Office

I know who I want to take me home - oneshot (Oscar/Andy)

xxxHolic

love is natural and real (but not for such as you and I, my love) - oneshot (Doumeki/Watanuki, Doumeki/Kohane)

A Kinder Life - 4/? (Watanuki & Sakura & Syaoran & Touya, Doumeki/Watanuki)

For Good Luck - oneshot (Doumeki/Watanuki)

Yellowjackets

first love/late spring - oneshot (Taissa/Van)

Lady Lazarus - oneshot (Lottie/Laura)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was only gonna post this at the end of the year but I think it might be best to just keep it pinned and updating as I post

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