#video is 10 years old and probably off a cellphone so

[wartornrequiem]

posting the miw content i want to see (35/∞)

crusty 2012 chris gifs bc why not [x]

[yespolkadotkitty]

Fighting Blind, pt 6

Thanking my beta, @rzrcrst ! 

Story masterlist here

Tovar rode ahead, the by now rather fetid, Tao Tei arm hanging off one side of his saddle. I could see from the set of his shoulders that he was in a mood. What else was new?

“Must you bait each other?” William sighed. 

I rode on his horse today, sitting in front of him. His body was just as hard from years of battle and training, but it had not escaped my notice that his pleasant Irish lilt combined with his physique did absolutely nothing for my hormones. He was nice. That was it.

“He always starts it,” I grumbled, playing with the saddle pommel and realising that I sounded about six years old with my whining. “But, you’re right.”

William huffed out a laugh. “Ah, but that never gets old, hearing a woman say I’ve the right of it.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

He laughed again. “Are you going to tell us where you’re really from, then?”

I stared straight ahead. In the distance, a huge stone wall loomed, flags flying. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me,” he countered, but there was no judgement in his tone, just curiosity.

I eyed Tovar’s back; the unrelenting set of his shoulders under the cape of chain mail. I thought about the dream again; his scarred hands dark on my pale skin, the feel of his teeth on my pulse point, the press of his cock on my belly. 

Not that I had to imagine the feel of his cock. 

Not anymore.

“I’m from the future.”

The words weighed heavily on my tongue as I spoke them.

William said nothing for a long moment. “Right you are,” he replied eventually.

You scoffed. “You think I have gone quite mad.”

He shrugged; I heard the leather in his armour creak as he did so. “I’ve seen many things during my life. This beast I killed is just the latest of occurrences I can’t truly explain. Who am I to judge your tale, miss?”

I picked through his words for sarcasm, but found none.

"About Tovar," he began, as the rocking of the horse started to make me feel a little sleepy. "It's likely he saved your life by doing what he did. You might have perished from the cold."

I opened my mouth to reply with a sarcastic retort, but thought better of it. “He probably did,” I muttered, sour.

“And it’s only natural that you’d seek each other out…. In the way that you did.”

I glanced up at his face, amused. William was a skilled fighter and I had zero doubt that he could kill me with a flick of his wrist, should he want to. But in speaking about…. That, he was embarrassed?

William looked down at me, a smile tugging at his lips. “What? I’m not used to discussing such matters with a woman.”

Tovar chose that moment to turn back to look at us. I could only imagine what he saw. William and I only two breaths apart, smiling at each other. I met his brown gaze, watched the scowl twist his mouth, before he rode on ahead again, his back more ramrod straight than ever.

“Oh, sure and he likes you,” William muttered.

I scoffed. “And here I thought you were the smart one.”

****

Two days after the axe arrived, our social media team decided to make up a post for our Facebook page. I was always amazed and grateful that in 2019, so many people still had a thirst for history, to find out about their ancestors and how people had lived before they themselves came into being.

Emma fluffed up my hair (very difficult for Asian hair, I can tell you, it is almost always poker straight no matter what potions I use or blood sacrifices I make) and fixed my make-up as I prepared to record a little Facebook live video for the post.

When Mike, our tech intern, mouthed “go,” I spoke for three minutes about how excited we were to have received the axe. I didn’t mention that we had no idea who had sent it, of course - I didn’t want to discourage further anonymous artefact donations. When Mike clicked the camera off with a thumbs up, Emma, he and I all watched the cellphone me before he posted with a sketch of the axe and a bit of text. Within an hour, it had seventy likes and twice that many shares.

A few hours later, when I next sat down at my computer to troll through my e-mails, one about the Facebook post caught my eye.

From: zw_1984@gmail.com

To: j.yuan@londonarmouries.net

Subject: spanish (?) axe

Dear Ms Yuan

I was wondering if you’re planning on releasing any more details about the axe on your Facebook page. I’m very interested in military history and something about it is really familiar to me. Do you have any more pictures?

I scrolled down to read the next paragraph but before I could, Emma appeared at my desk. “Sorry. The school visit’s just arrived in the foyer. They’re a half hour early. Shall I tell them to wait?”

I closed the browser. “No, it’s fine, I’ll go down now.” 

I snagged my pass and keys and looped the lanyard over my neck, the e-mail forgotten.

***

“We are heading for the wall, yes?” Tovar asked when we’d stopped under some patchy trees to rest the horses and to eat some very dry crackers that William shared out.

“Hard to avoid it,” William replied genially. His mood was usually good, and I wondered how he’d ended up with misery guts here. “Perhaps the black powder is behind it. Makes sense that they’d want to protect what’s theirs.”

Tovar ate the crackers in silence, sitting with his back to us on a large fallen log. The heat of the day made sweat trickle down my back. I must have made some noise of disquiet, because the grumpy Spaniard turned.

“What?”

My hackles immediately raised. “Oh, I’m sorry, must I be totally silent?”

“You know, it’s at times like these that I long for wine,” William muttered, leaning against a tree with a sigh, and munching on his snack.

“I was merely asking what you needed,” Tovar snapped back. “Perhaps my amigo here can help you, as you’ve become so close, no?”

I stared at him. He’s jealous. I could hardly believe it. “Don’t drag William into this.”

“First name terms,” he sneered.

Enough of this nonsense. I stomped over to him, looming over him as he sat on the log, legs spread for balance. I tried, and failed, not to notice the shape of his thighs under his tunic, the broadness of his chest, the way his hair licked up at the back. “If your first name isn’t Tovar, you should have enlightened me,” I snapped, five hundred percent done with this infuriating man, “I can’t read minds.”

“And thank God for that,” I thought I heard him mutter, but before I could replay his bitten-off words in my head, William put his fingers in his mouth and whistled, making Tovar and I turn around.

“Stop bickering. Looks like we’ve got company.”

Tagging: @badassbaker @songsformonkeys @agirllovespasta @a-seeker-of-imagination @keeper0fthestars @agentpike @littlemissthistle @alldatalost @ly--canthrope @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @starlight-starwrites @stylelovechild @maryan028 @seawhisperer @restingnurseface @emesispo @pedropascalito  @holographic-carmen @hdlynn @havenforafrazzledmind @thewaythisis @mstgsmy @jaime1110 @10-96dispatcher @talesfromtheguild @kindablackenedsuperhero @marydjarin @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @buckstaposition @phoenixhalliwell​ @irishleesh93  @voteforpedropascal​ @mrsparknuts​ @pinkzsugar​ @emmy-dandiliom918​ @chews-erotically​ @lackofhonor​ @dornish-queen​

[vacation-grif]

What kinda feelings?

A LOT, ACTUALLY. Like I said before, the RTNY group was telling me to skip it because it wasn’t a good season, and I want to express how much I wanted to just form my own opinion, only to end up agreeing with them in the end. Let me break this down as best as I can now that I am on my PC. I mean no disrespect to the director and writer, as well as the cast and crew. Honestly, I’m worried that my opinion makes me feel like a boomer at this point.

First off, if anyone was going to tell me that I’m going to have headaches over bright flashing lights and colors over a Red vs Blue series, I wouldn’t have believed you. As I said before, they should’ve just called this “Red vs Blue: Epilepsy Warning THE M0VIE”. I understand that they are using the Unreal Engine, because my god the graphics on this is INSANE. But everything is...too bright. TOO. BRIGHT. Everything has a lens flare no matter where the camera turns, and with the high paced action, all the lights and colors, it HURTS.

-

Next, this is a fully CG-animated season. We haven’t had one like that in SUCH a long time, and this is the first in the 20-ish years of Red vs BLue. When I was a kid who didn’t have a cellphone, I could only imagine what Red vs Blue was like when my best friend would play it over our landline on a weeknight before we would go to school the next day. And I would come over and be like, HOLY SHIT. IS THIS FUCKING HALO?! So imagine my excitement when after 8 years of Red vs Blue using Halo 1 to Halo 3 assets, you see a Warthog just crash through the walls of Valhalla, something you’d never see in a Halo game. A fully animated scene of Grif running over Washington (hell yeah), and an angry Washington outside of his game model just climbing onto the hood of the car and shooting at Grif through the windshield at pointblank range. Then cut to episode 10 of the same season, Tex makes her triumphant return, fully animated instead of her Halo 3 game model. And in the last two episodes of the season, you get OUR VERY FIRST FREELANCER VS FREELANCER FIGHT. You find out this was the work of the late Monty Oum (rest in peace), and until Season 10, Red vs Blue was THE HIGHEST POINT OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

Then we go to Season 12 where the animation post Oum (he was working on RWBY at this point but iirc this was just before he died) was choppy at best and didn’t feel right until Season 13, where within the one year the animation team REALLY stepped up. And this actually carries over into Season 17, Singularity, where it became more animation and less game effects, or rather it was balanced. It wasn’t extravegant like Oum’s works, but given that these are the Simtroopers, some Freelancers, some Mercs, and time gods, it felt par for the course. It felt right.

We cut now to these upgraded graphics, which felt like when you were playing on your Xbox 360 and you jsut FUCKING SHOT into the Xbox One. It was, as you would say, unreal (lol). But it felt...off. The first two episodes, the entire action didn’t feel like what you spent 16 seasons watching. It felt like a whole another beast entirely. With the use of super powers, you would think oh the Freelancers had that! Yes, but those were all suit enhancements. These...didn’t feel like it. Zero’s and Phase’s teleportation didn’t feel like something that Fragmented AI can control. Shatter Squad’s at least felt more at home. 

The models themselves were a bit off too. Choppy at best, but understandable given that they were using the Unreal Engine. But you notice that they do a lot of hand on hip pushed out to the side type of thing a lot? Everyone does it. Except Raymond, West, and the big dude. Like the SASSY STANCE. Also, there was way too much power stance. Where if your feet were shoulder width apart, it was a bit wider, and also the pelvis was out a little more. A bit weird. Finally, everyone has an ass. Everyone. Even West. West has an ass, it was like, everyone was dummy thicc and the clap of their ass cheeks was alerting Viper.

-

Next, voice acting. I...absoultely could not stand the voice acting. It was completely over the top, overdramatic, over exaggerated. Granted, I’m a singer, a perform, but I’m not exactly a good actor myself in the few shows I’ve actually done. It felt like watching an anime. When you wtach something with dialogue of your own language, you can tell when you feel something is to over the top. If you watch something of a language you don’t speak, it’ll go over your head, unless you start to speak that language, and you speak to people who speak that language, then you start to pick up what is regular speaking and what is acting. When an anime gets dubbed, most times, the voice actors tend to over dramatacize in the same way the Japanese due, and some times it works, most times it doesn’t. This is because the Japanese way of acting comes from kabuki theater. When English dubbers do that with this weird over emphasized emotions, it is extremely offputting.

In some places, the voice acting is poorly done. Jen Brown’s performance from just getting out of a hospital to giving an expositional lecture about the new cast in literally 5 seconds of time was...off. Carolina should’ve had more time to recover, especailly after losing Washington, one of her closest surrogate family, she felt...a little too calm and normal. Not like the Carolina who was hesitant but trying her best to be a whole better person (see the Paradox Arc, S15-17). It was jsut quick shift, and now she’s making snarky remarks in that Jen Brown voice she does (my god step on me please) and also being a mother hen. Also, she really calls Washington David way more this season than she ever did before that.

Fiona’s performance was shaky at best in my opinion, I don’t know her very well outside of what everyone says. All I know is that sometimes, the way she emphasizes some of her lines don’t fit the situation very well. I think East/Phase was a lot better done than One imo. But she was mostly angry and competitive.

Raymond is the textbook definition of what I hate about taking a character’s role and making it their entire personality. Think of it like watching Power Rangers, and all of their roles is just defined by the shit they say. Jason is the jock, Kimberly is the pretty girl, Trini is......I’m not gonna lie, I don’t...know what to classify Trini, Zack was the cool guy, and Billy was the nerd (Tommy was Jock II also the rebel/loner). Raymond reminded me a lot like Billy, where Billy was defined by being so smart, half of his dialogue was just look at me, i’m fucking smart, let me use all of these big words. Half of Raymond’s dialogue was, look at me, i’m the tech guy, I’m nerdy and loveable, it felt like it was too over the top of trying to stand out. By the end of the season, after East’s big reveal, I started to like him a lot more because he knew what was more at stake. I want to say that my initial impression of him was immature at best.

West was too stiff. Just.. Too stiff. I get he’s old. But show some emotion, please.

Why am I emphasizing on this more? When you listen to the dialogue of RvB, and then you listen at this, even with the return cast of Carolina, Washington, and Tucker, the direction was different. I think it’s because of the new medium with Zero being all super animated like an action, where RvB was just a bunch of net videos that you’re gonna laugh at with well timed jokes. It was super casual, but also super real. Geoff and Gus and everyone else aren’t big actors or anything, but that’s what made it feel real. That’s what made RvB feel like its own thing.

-

In terms of writing, I get that this is RvB meets FnF (Fast and Furious). But I honestly feel that it doens’t belong. The story of Shatter Squad vs Viper would have been a lot better if it didn’t have the RvB name tacked on. It’s such a cool concept, but given what RvB was before, the tonal shift is jsut too great, especially when you only have 3 of the previous cast returning.

Speaking of, what happened to Tucker?! What happened to the guy who became a leader? Responsible? Not as arrogant? Maybe playfully arrogant at best, but not stroking his ego? What happened to HIS SWORD? Did they forget how Tucker’s sword works? That it only works IF HE DIES? Tucker didn’t die, and yet Phase was able to use his sword (which by the way is now hers). One of the earliest stories/gags of RvB and they just...retconned it and threw it away! Also, Tucker’s voice acting did NOT match the scene at all. It’s like watching a video game that was localized from Japanese, and the dubbers spoke too fast before the character could finish. Tucker moves outside of his dialogue and there is this weird seconds of silence. That...that was just a BAD return for him.

-

My final thought is that, if RvB Zero is not...the RvB I grew up with. Maybe the jokes are dated, but the memories of what RvB was is still real. This just...doesn’t feel like RvB anymore. This should have just been it’s own show, it’s own story, replace Wash and Carolina and Tucker with new characters, it just wasn’t their place to be in this.

The only thing I liked about this? I’m glad Danielle (I’m assuming this is how you would spell her name) didn’t go AWOL and returned to the team. I actually really liked her the most next to Axel. She was done dirty, but she still held on to that one bond she had as East that Zero didn’t give her as Phase.

-

I know this is probably not a great opinion, and I really hope that Rooster Teeth finds the ground they want this series to go in. Sometimes, you have to try new things, or else staying stagnant will make it go stale. It’s all about trial and error. I don’t know how everyone else feels about Zero, how the new audience and the old audience feels. RvB as a whole wasn’t perfect. They had their down moments. But when you feel that way for an entire season...it’s a problem.

[dazeandhaze]

What is the kagerou project?

This post is for those who are interested in interacting with my muses Kido, Kano, and Konoha, but maybe don’t know enough about the series to really know where to start plotting wise. I’ll be linking this post to their abouts (when I make them) and I welcome any questions you might have on it!

First off, the Kagerou project is originally a set of vocaloid songs / videos that later got translated to a manga, novels, and an anime. It’s a story told achronlogically, meaning pretty much out of order and not straight forward at all - another reason I wanted to make this post so newcomers don’t feel confused.  That and all the mediums help tell the full story - so unless you’ve taken in all of them it’s hard to piece together the story from start to finish, and there is still a lot of details we don’t know. The kagerou project isn’t perfect but it’s a good story overall.

The actual story / character info will be below the cut cause this is gonna be a super long post.

Also if you get weirded out by snakes it’s probably not the best idea to read this - there’s no pictures but the word ‘snake’ comes up ALOT. Also please don’t read this if Suicide is a trigger for you, as that is something that I will be mentioning a few times aswell.

MAJOR CHARACTERS

First off I’ll introduce the characters / what their powers are and then explain the songs then the story and how the powers are significant and how the characters play into the story as a whole.

Azami - the medusa. Creator of the abilities.

The Mekakushi Dan - the ‘blindfold’ gang. It started as a childhood fantasy but Kido, Kano, and Seto kept the group name after Ayano’s death. Kano was the one that came up with the name.

 Ayano Takeyama - Number 0, Foster older sister to Kido, Kano, and Seto. Has the snake of favoring eyes. She is able to project her feelings and memories onto others.

Tsubomi Kido - Number 1, technically the leader. Has the snake of Concealing eyes. She can make herself effectively invisible and unable to be perceived by others as long as she doesn’t touch anyone. She can use this ability on other people, and any sound they make while the ability is active is unheard of by others.

Kousuke Seto - Number 2. Has the snake of Stealing eyes. He can read people’s minds and when used to its full potential, he can read a person's memories.This ability also lets him understand the thoughts of animals, though they can still not understand him.

Shuuya Kano - Number 3. Has the snake of Deceiving eyes. It allows him to change what people perceive him as. He can change his appearance to impersonate other people and even animals. He can only use this ability on himself and not others.

Marry Kozakura - Number 4. Has two ‘eye’ abilities technically, Locking Eyes and Combining eyes. Locking eyes she inherited from her mother Shion and her grandmother Azami. It allows her to temporarily stop the movement of whoever meets her gaze. She is not able to turn people into stone, but it can paralyze them for a short amount of time. The Snake of Combining Eyes can combine and therefore control all snakes. It was directly given to her by Azami when she died and entered the Kagerou Daze. This ability causes her to automatically obtain a snake after its owner has died and also allows her to take a snake directly from them.Combining Eyes also passively causes the other snakes (and thus their owners) to be drawn towards its owner.

Momo Kisaragi - Number 5. She has the snake of Drawing Eyes. This ability can draw peoples' attention to herself regardless of their preferences in tastes or interests. She is also able to tell where a person's attention is drawn to.

Ene / Takene Enomoto - Number 6. She has the Snake of opening eyes. This allows her to to split her consciousness from her body, which then can reside in electronic devices (such as a cellphone) as a cyber-being. After regaining her body as Takane, she is still able to send herself to other electronic devices as Ene, but doing so causes her body to lose consciousness.

Shintaro Kisaragi - Number 7. Has the snake of Retaining eyes. This allows him to remember everything he sees. When his ability is fully activated, he is able to remember the events of past routes and speak with the Snake of Retaining Eyes.

Hibiya Amamiya - Number 8. Has the snake of Focusing Eyes.This has the power to perceive objects and details that are far away from an aerial view.

Konoha / Haurka Kokonose - Number 9. Has the snake of Awakening Eyes. This gives him the power to remake his body into one that he finds to be his "ideal" - as Haruka was physically weak and sickly, this meant for him to become supernaturally strong. He can also heal from even fatal injuries with this ability, which looks like multiple black snakes wrapping around his body when activated.

Hiyori Asahina - Number 10. Depending on the route she will have the snake of Focusing Eyes instead of Hibiya. 9/10 times though it is Hibiya. Just mentioning this fact for technicalities sake.

The Snake of Clearing eyes - the story’s main antagonist. This ability can interfere with and stop the use of other eye abilities completely. It normally possesses either Ayano’s father or Hibiya depending on the route. In every route it will always possess Konoha towards the end - as he is the strongest member and none of the others in the Dan can stand a chance against him. (if you see me reblog a black haired konoha, it’s him being possessed by this ability)

SONGS

As mentioned before, this started off as a set of vocaloid songs. So I will list SOME of the songs below - there’s over 33 songs related to the kagerou project but these are ones with MVs (or at least fan made ones) that have the main characters as the focus.

Shinigami Record - Azami Song

Jinzou Enemy - Ene and Shintaro song

Mekakushi Code - Kido’s song

Headphone Actor - Takene song

Imagination Forest - Mary song

Kagerou Daze / Heat Haze Days - Hiyori and Hibuya song

Konoha’s state of the world - Konoha song ft Hiyori and Hibuya

Yobanashi Deceive - Kano song

Shouen Brave - Seto song

Kisaragi Attention - Momo Song

Ayano’s theory of Happiness - Ayano song

Yuukei Yesterday - Takene and Haruka song

Children Record - everyone is here lmao serves more like an opening if anything

Moon Viewing Recital - Momo and Hibuya song

Outer Science - Clearing eyes song / The Bad ending

Lost time memory - Shintaro song

Summer time record - everyone is here but there is a focus on Haruka / the good ending

Additional memory - Ayano in the daze song

Never lost world - kido post story song

THE STORY

the first thing to know about the kagerou project story is that it is a time loop story. Each medium contains its own loop (or in the manga’s case, multiple), which is why someone has to consume all the mediums to really get the full story. Some character details or interactions only happen in one route / loop.  I’ll be going over what people are most likely to find out through google searches / the easiest medium (the music or anime) but will mention other routes here and there for context. Generally most routes we know of follow most of the same story beats but some differ dramatically - and I don’t want to confuse people.

For the overall story though - it starts with Azami. She is the medusa, but not in the traditional greek myth sense. It is just what humans started referring to her as thanks to her snake-like features. Truthfully she doesn’t know entirely what she is, she was born at the beginning, and lasted through the ages with not even a physical form until she met two beings - humans and a snake. The humans tried to kill her on first sight while the snake was kind and explained what the humans were to Azami. Her physical form ended up being a mix of these two species, hence humans calling her a medusa. (pictured below is azami from the novels)

Overtime she tried to interact with humans but they always shunned her and tried to kill her until one day she met an albino man named Tsukihiko. I will skip over the specifics but she ends up falling in love with him and building a family with him. They were both considered ‘monsters’ by society and thus made a perfect pair. They even had a daughter, Shion.

Now it’s important to note that during this time she made her abilities. considered ‘eye’ abilities or ‘snakes’, Azami had the ability to create almost sentient forces within her to help her solve problems. For example, the ‘favoring eyes’ ability was created so she could properly show her emotions to her infant daughter, pass on all the love that she had onto Shion in a way she would understand even as a baby.

However after Shion was born, after creating these abilities, she realized that both Tsukihiko and Shion were going to out live her and die. She had lived thousands, maybe even millions, of years by now and hadn’t aged a day - but her husband obviously had. In this fear a new power was born, the snake of clearing eyes. It offered a solution to Azami, for them to create an entirely new world where death and time didn’t exist, where she could simply be happy with her family. She does this, and tells her husband and child they would leave the world together. They agree, but Tsukihiko wants to officially marry Azami before they leave the world. She allows him to go back to his old home to get wedding rings and someone to marry them officially, but doesn’t return. What does return are humans, out to kill Azami and her daughter. Azami defeats the men with ease but believes now her husband is all but dead. In her grief, she escapes to the world she made - the Kagerou Daze - and leaves her child behind.Tsukihiko manages to return, escaping from the confinement the other humans had put him in, and knows once he finds his daughter alone that his wife left the world. They are not upset with her, and continue to live out their days in their home in the forest.

Tsukihiko eventually dies of old age and Shion grows up. Shion has her own daughter called Mary, who is a quarter medusa. Shion is extremely protective of her daughter after the events of her own childhood, and tells Mary never to leave the house. However being the fun loving child she was, Mary disobeyed her mother once. It wasn’t long after she was found by humans who were proceeding to beat her to death when her mother found her. They were both about to die at the hands of these humans when Azami decided to intervene.

She wasn’t gone completely, she had been watching over her daughter and grandaughter from the Daze. Knowing what was about to happen to her family, she issued a command to the world to take in the two people dying and bring them up into the world. The date? August 15th.When the two arrived in the world they were dead. The world brought them back to life but they couldn’t leave back to the ‘real’ world without a new lifeforce. Azami, wanting her daughter to live, gave her the core of her power - the snake of combining eyes, also known as the ‘queen snake’. But Shion wanted her own daughter to live, and passed it onto Mary. Mary was able to return to the real world, but had no memory of the Daze or what her mother and grandmother had done for her - she was now alone.

The combining eyes was the core of Azami’s power, and without it she could no longer control the Kagerou Daze. She couldn’t tell the world to stop bringing people into it, to stop giving them powers,and to stop returning people to the real world. This was the mistake that costs the main character’s so much grief.

Each of the members of the mekakushi dan (besides Shintaro) died on the day of August 15th. The Kagerou Daze, still fulfilling its order, took them and whoever they were with at the time up into the world, and if they resonated with one of Azami’s abilities, gave them the snake before putting them back out into the real world - the snake/ eye ability being their new life force and the reason they’re alive.

Kido died in a fire with her sister, and got the snake of concealing eyes. Seto drowned with his dog and got the snake of stealing eyes. Kano died in a robbery with his mother and got the snake of Decieving eyes. Momo also drowned and got the drawing eyes ability. Takene was poisoned and got the opening eyes ability. Haruka had a heart attack and got the awakening eyes ability. Hibuya and Hiyori were in a traffic accident and depending on the route - one of them gets the Focusing eyes. As stated above, 9/10 times it’s Hibuya, Hiyori only gets it in the manga route/loop.

Ayano is a special case. She committed suicide with the goal in mind to go to the Kagerou Daze. She stays in the daze with her eye ability for a reason which I’ll get to later.

Now Shintaro does have an eye ability of his own, however it was NOT one of Azami’s abilities. I will also get to this later.

Kido, Kano, and Seto all end up being orphaned around the same time and ended up in the same orphanage. Forced into the same room together as they were the ‘strange’ kids. They were all adopted by the Tateyama family, Ayano’s family, who were researching the Medusa aka Azami. they took these kids in for their research but also genuinely cared about them. With the help of Ayano - the three children come to be not so scared of their abilities and learn to like humanity again. The hoodies the three wear were gifts from their foster parents and Ayano to hide their eyes - as when their abilities were being used / went out of control, their eyes turned red.

One August 15th, Ayano’s parents were involved in a mudslide. They went to the Daze, and her father returned with the snake of clearing eyes. This wasn’t apparent to Ayano or any of the children at first, but Ayano soon found out that her father planned to kill her two friends at school (Haruka and Takene, who have pre existing health conditions and were in his ‘special education’ class) on August 15th so that they would go to the daze and get more snakes.

She found the clearing eyes wanted all the snakes in the real world for some reason, and thus on August 15th, she committed suicide by jumping off the roof of the school building, going into the daze and holding one of the eye abilities hostage by never returning from the daze. The clearing eyes still continued with his plan, Takene and Haruka died that day as well and got their respective powers. Haruka and Takene were strange cases though, they didn’t die with another person. Instead the clearing eyes tricked the world of the Kagerou Daze, getting it to recognize the mind and body as two different entities. So Takene’s body was left in the Daze while her mind returned to the real world as ‘Ene’, and could only exist within cyberspace. Haruka’s mind was left in the Daze and the perfect, healthy, body that he wanted returned to the real world as Konoha, who had no memories and seemingly little personality.

 But left the only one of their friend group, Shintaro, alive with all of his friends having died on the same day. He became a shut in, and for two years did not leave his home. The story officially ‘starts’ with Shintaro and Ene. Ene pretending she did not know Shintaro at all, found his computer during the two year timespan and proceeded to make his life hell, but also give him company within those two lonely years.

It’s important to note that Ene is crucial to Shintaro’s overall development. In some loops, her presence wasn’t enough and he ends up committing suicide out of grief. But emotions and lessons learned are kept throughout the loops, and eventually Ene came to realize that she had to help Shintaro no matter what.

Anyways, in a series of unfortunate events, Shintaro ends up needing to leave his house to go shopping as August 14th is a part of the obon holiday in Japan and he couldn’t survive one day without his precious computer being operational. On his one outing in two years - he ends up being wrapped into a robbery / terrorist attack on a shopping center and meets the rest of the Mekakushi dan (at this moment, only Kido, Seto, Kano, Mary, and Shintaro’s sister Momo). They help diffuse the situation at the shopping center and Shintaro ends up passing out (just due to nerves or he actually gets grazed by a bullet, depends on the loop), and brought back to the Mekakushi Dan hideout aka their apartment. It’s here he learns about the eye abilities, how his sister has one, and the exact events after this differ from loop to loop. Either way Shintaro becomes a sort of ‘unofficial’ member of the Dan and spends time with them over the next few days as he tries to wrap his head around the mysterious powers of the Dan and what they mean.

How the Dan ends up recruiting Hibuya and Konoha differs as well, but generally the group comes across the traffic accident that Hibiya and Hiyori were involved in and Konoha being there as well. Sometimes Ene will ask Shintaro to chase after Konoha, recognizing him as Haruka, and then they end up at the hospital and wait for Hibuya to be released / able to have visitors so they can talk to him. At this point in some of the loops, the Dan knows that August 15th is an important day to them, they’re just not sure why.

Hibuya leaves the hospital, determined to find Hiyori - not quite sure what has happened to her but knows she might be dead or lost or looking for him. Momo manages to get Hibuya to calm down and control his new eye ability, just in time for the Dan to be put into trouble.

It should be noted that technically, Azami had only 10 powers. And now with the exception of the power now taken by Ayano, all of those powers are in the real world. Which means it was time for the Clearing eyes to make its move. In the Novel and Anime route, the Dan ends up taking the fight to the Clearing eyes. (Possibly in the manga route aswell, I haven’t finished it).

Regardless, the Clearing eyes objective becomes clear rather quickly - it plans to kill every member of the Mekakushi Dan except for Shintaro (who doesn’t have one of Azami’s powers, but he still dies in some routes just for getting in the way) and Mary (who has the queen snake / snake of combining eyes, which clearing eyes wants). With each member of the Mekakushi Dan that dies, Mary gains their ability and grows closer to a full medusa. When she has five snakes - she can control the Kagerou Daze itself. The Clearing Eyes plans to kill the Mekakushi Dan, possess Mary, and become immortal + have control over the Daze and all of Azami’s abilities.

This is how most routes end. As soon as Mary has five snakes (four or more of her friends die), she has the power to control the Kagerou Daze and she has the world take in the Clearing eyes and thus trapping it there forever. After this she uses her new found powers to rewind time to sometime after her mother’s death but before everything else happened. This is how most routes start.

In the manga route specifically, the only ones alive after Mary has trapped the Clearing Eyes is Ayano (as she didn’t stay in the Daze in this route), Shintaro, and Mary. Everyone else is dead and gone and Mary is about to rewind time. Before she does though, she has Mary do something - give Shintaro an eye ability. Ayano gives up her life so that Mary may make her life force into an ability - the snake of retaining eyes. It is so that Shintaro ‘will never forget the tragedy that occurred here’. Shintaro has the ability to retain everything he sees, even across timelines. This route happens early on in the number of routes, but it’s never told to the audience when exactly it happens.

But, the problem with this is that he doesn’t remember he has an ability, it has to be triggered somehow. But it’s because of this that Shintaro killing himself out of grief in some timelines is so detrimental to the overall story - if Shintaro dies then he can’t activate his power and he can’t help save everyone. So for the story to truly be realized and head towards a good ending, Shintaro can’t die until after he remembers his ability.

In the novel route, only Seto, Mary, and Hibiya are alive after the confrontation with the Clearing eyes, and they live out their lives for almost two years before Mary decides to rewind time. Hibiya is able to contact the people who died and are now stuck in the Kagerous daze (death doesn’t exist there, so people are ‘alive’ there but trapped forever) and they all collectively make the decision to turn back time. Shintaro even comments that they’ve probably done this dozens, or maybe even hundreds or thousands of times by that point.

In the Anime route is when Shintaro remembers his ability. He remembers this due to something he knows but he shouldn’t have known. While he was friends with Ayano in school, he never knew that her siblings that she spoke about were Kido, Kano, and Seto. Yet while at the Mekakushi Dan apartment, he finds a picture with them all in it - and somehow knows that it’s the truth despite being surprised to find it out. This one event was enough for him to get things rolling and eventually remember his ability. He ends up killing himself and going to the Daze to see Ayano.

This is also shown in Route 1 of the lost time memory music video. He gets shot trying to protect Konoha (who was getting possessed by the clearing eyes, and thus tried to kill himself so that he wouldn’t hurt his friends), and he appears in the Daze to speak to Ayano and bring her back to the real world. The combination of Shintaro’s Retaining eyes, and Ayano’s favoring eyes, is enough to help get Mary to calm down. Ayano’s ability also lets her put the memories of others into other people, so she helps Shintaro show Mary that everything will be fine and that no matter what happened in every other route, they all love and care for her. This was enough to get her to calm down and for her to take everyone up into the Kagerou Daze, not just the clearing eyes.

Once trapped there, the Clearing eyes had nowhere to go and also was tricked by Konoha and Haruka into becoming the new snake / life force for Hiyori so that she could come back to life. I should note here that it is possible for those with snakes to sort of come and go from the Kagerou Daze as they please - people in the daze just can’t leave without a snake, so Mary also returns the snakes to those who had died up until this point so that they could leave the kagerou daze afterwards. Haruka is able to get back into his body after Konoha willingly gives it over, Takene gets her body back, and they are all able to have a few moments with those that they had died with to get some closure.

They then leave the daze together, and are able to continue on with their lives. (also shown in sumertime record)

Again, I skipped over ALOT here. But this is overall the major plot points of the kagerou project.

The Kagerou project is about dealing with loss, about looking forward to the future, about learning that you don’t have to deal with everything alone - there is always someone willing to help you. It’s about overcoming fear and despair, and learning to take a step forward. There is a lot of death and sadness in this story but there’s also a lot of goofy fun moments too - to remind us that even dark moments have a little light in them.

[xbreezymeadowsx]

200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R 

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

[rvkswitzerland]

September 21, 2020

From Ryan:

I kind of can’t believe it had been over 2 weeks since our last update! That in and of itself should be a clear indication of how busy we are. I’m currently sitting in the library. Who would have thought that all the years I worked at Steen Library in college would actually benefit me in a real way later in life. This place is beautiful and a bit of a mess. Everything is manual for both the English and German portions of the library. The German side has one of the old slide-out card catalogues, the English side has a 20-year old Paradox database that is case-sensitive and is basically useless. Oh and we don’t lock the doors and there’s no anti-theft system so things just disappear apparently. I have my work cut out for me, but I’ll be able to apply some of my banking knowledge, past library knowledge, and all of my common sense. The upside is that it is one of the most beautiful buildings I’ve ever been inside. Here’s a quick video I made of my new office before I catch you up on all the other stuff:

So yeah... pretty excellent office and that barely does it justice. The sad part is there aren’t a lot of people coming through here, especially in the afternoons. Anyway, on to what we’ve been doing the last 2 weeks. The 10-day quarantine was a bit hard at times. We have a young family and our oldest isn’t much of a leader, he prefers to stick to himself. So we had to navigate the kids being bored, rowdy, and totally confused over schedules, rules, and procedures. Our house consists of our family, Osthaus Oben (East House Up,) and another family on the floor below us called Osthaus Unten (down). We tried to combine meals and some activities with the other family but the personalities of the family heads below us are very different from ours it seems. They have an 8 month old and very much prefer to keep to themselves instead of co-mingling with kids in times where it’s not explicitly required. We basically open our apartment to the kids at certain times and we all spent a lot of time there together during quarantine. Vicki can probably go into more detail sometime about her own struggles, but for me I found it mostly okay. Here is a quick list of all the things that we had to deal with while we were in quarantine: 2 physical altercations involving one of our kids, the entire house (literally) getting a nasty little cold, a Covid test for someone we all had contact with that came back negative within a day, self-harm, homesickness, too much food, not enough food, boredom, rain, bad table manners, poor hygiene, arguments over when they can have their cellphones, a kid sneaking into our apartment to steal his phone in the middle of the night, several late-night visits to our apartment to make tea even when they were told not to, vomiting, no sense of privacy, and a bunch of other stuff I probably can’t remember. It was quite the introduction to being a house parent. I handled it fine, Vicki had a pretty rough go of it - especially because of the lack of sleep. The kids were a bit wild from the newness of it all, but they are also smart, funny, and thoughtful. We made a lot of connections over music and video games during those 10 days and the kids formed a nucleus within our family that I think will give them confidence and a sense of safety throughout the term.

The task of “parenting” 6 kids is not easy, especially when a few of them know the norms, rules, and rituals of the school better than you do. Until the weekend before last we didn’t have any time off for 2 entire weeks. It was constant stuff 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. We had NO time to ourselves except to sleep - and even that was interrupted. Even when we finally got a day off and our third family head was doing all the “parenting” for us, you still know there are 6 kids outside your apartment door that would could come in with their hair on fire or needing to have a deep talk at any moment - and I don’t think either of us could say no. The hard part about this place seems to be finding the “off” switch. That will be the thing we have to figure out. Taking time to ourselves is going to be hard, but that’s the case for nearly everyone in some regard. We are in a bit of a routine now that we’ve had a week of normal classes. We’re now just dealing with the normal kind of parenting - you need to be on time, take your hat off at the table, don’t be rude, etc..

We finished our 10-day quarantine after dinner on Sept 9 and the entire school met on the Platz, the central part of campus right in front of the Esssaal. (Yes, that is spelled correctly.) That is where we have our meals now that we are out of quarantine. We had a folk dancing evening and everyone participated, even me. It was the first time since we went to the symphony on New Year’s Eve with Brandon and Gretchen that I had been in a crowd of people who were together in close proximity without the fear of Covid looming over us - since we all just quarantined strictly for 10 days and it was nearly impossible for any of us to be sick. As we skipped hand-in-hand across the Platz with our students and fellow Mitarbeitern, I was elated to steal a normal moment in the middle of the pandemic. There was a bit of guilt also, knowing that many people would not get to experience something guiltless like that until this is all far behind us. There was a sense of unbridled freedom, like the relief I felt as a kid when school was out and I could run wild and do exactly what I enjoyed most.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that Covid does not influence everything we do here. It does. Chairs are spread out, discussions are had about where to have gatherings, windows are open for airflow, masks are mandatory when anyone may be ill, and meals are in shifts to minimize contact. We are wary of outsiders and of unnecessary close contact within our own community. Every aspect of the school takes Covid into account. We are holding out hope we can finish a full term under normal circumstances. The pandemic very much still exists for us. We know the risks and fear the consequences on our little microcosm. But for the most part life feels normal.

Despite the ebb and flow of emotions, I’ve started to find deep appreciation for this new chapter in my life. I’m certainly gaining appreciation for all parents, especially mine. I love not being burdened by a mortgage or a car payment or the expectation to make money and “be successful” in the American sense, which compelled me to stay in a career that was far from my own aspirations. The strange thing about the Ecole is that we are all encouraged, students and Mitarbeitern alike, to do the things that we care about most and to carve a unique path. The concepts and practices of this school are rooted in basic humanistic concepts that, to me anyway, feel natural. Everyone who works here is deeply committed to our students, this community, and the values from which it was founded. It’s all a far cry from the stress and meaningless toil I felt working in business. Since we left quarantine a few weeks ago it’s felt a bit like those first few days of the summers of my youth again. I can’t quite shake the feel that I am, once again, unbridled.

[jamielea81]

The Three Times You Met Sam Winchester

One Shot - About 4,800 words

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester

Warnings: Minor angst, fluff, minor violence, a few curse words, implied smut (but not really)

This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle. Feedback, comments, reblogs are always appreciated. This is unbeta’d, so all mistakes are my own. 

Thanks to @the--blackdahlia for the wonderful aesthetic!

The first time you met Sam Winchester, you were ten years old. Of course, you didn’t know his last name, you rarely knew any of your friend’s last names. He was just Sam.

It was summertime and you and a couple of friends were hanging outside a gas station a couple of blocks from your house. An older kid had showed a few other kids how to steal quarters out of a soda machine that was outside the gas station. It seemed simple, so you were giving it a shot. After you and two friends each chewed a piece of bubble gum, you all placed your chewed pieces on the end of a stick and stuck the stick in the open slot of the machine. You could visibly see quarters down there and sure enough when you pulled the stick back out, there were 4 quarters stuck to it. Quickly pulling the quarters off and sticking them in your pocket, you handed the stick to your friend Randy and took your turn as lookout.

“What are you guys doing?” A boy about your age asked, scaring the crap out of you in the process.

Throwing your hand over your heart, you took a deep breath calming yourself down. “You scared me, sneak up on people much?”

“Sorry.” He looked down and started to walk away.

“Wait!” He paused and turned back to you. “What’s your name?”

“Sam. What’s yours?”

You smiled and stuck out your hand. That was just the kind of kid you were, grown up before you were actual grown. “Y/N. If you keep quiet, I’ll tell you what we are doing.”

Still keeping an eye on the gas station door as your other friend Beth had her turn, you quietly explained to Sam what you and your friends were up to. Sam was not impressed and a small part of you was heartbroken over his disapproval.

“Listen, you don’t have to do this, but please don’t tell on me.”

Sam thought it over and said he wouldn’t. “I’m just going to go find my brother and go back to our motel.” He started to walk away again, but you grabbed his arm pulling him to you.

“We’re going to go play video games at the pizzeria down the road, do you want to do that?” You asked, voice hesitant. “I’m going to go home and have lunch with my mom, but I’ll probably go over there in an hour.”

Sam smiled. “O-oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great! See you later Sam.” He waved and walked away.

As planned, Sam was waiting outside the pizzeria when you and your friends got there. You all shuffled inside and spread out amongst the arcade machines in the back of the restaurant. Your go to was Super Mario Bros. It was a two-player game so you threw in quarters for both you and Sam. You both played and talked for hours. Sam explained he wasn’t from here and that his dad traveled for work. He didn’t know how long him and his older brother Dean would be in town, but he thought for at least a week. 

When you were all out of quarters, Sam walked you home. “Wanna hangout tomorrow?” You asked.

“Yeah. I’ll have to ask my brother, but I’m sure I can.”

“Just come over when you’re done with breakfast and we’ll find something to do.”

“Okay. Bye Y/N.”

“Bye Sam.”

You never did see Sam the next day or the day after that. He ended up just being one of those kids you thought about every once in awhile as you grew up.  

The second time you met Sam Winchester you were 20 years old. 

During your sophomore year of high school, a friend of yours had told you her plan to travel through Europe for six months. You desperately wanted to join her, so you got a job and worked nights and weekends, saving every penny you could. By the time you graduated, you had enough to travel for a year, so you took a year off. To say your mom was upset was an understatement. You promised her you would go to school when you had the traveling out of your system and you did. Unfortunately, the school you chose was far away from home. You enrolled in classes at Mission College in California to get away from the kids you grew up with and to get away from the cold winters of Missouri. You decided on a two-year college to get the generals out of the way and for you to decide what you wanted to be “when you grew up.”

It was the start of your second year at Mission, not being old enough to drink in bars, house parties were pretty much your entertainment on weekends. It was Friday night and your roommate Hannah was dragging you to a party near Stanford. There were parties near your school, but the parties thrown around the Stanford campus were a bit bigger and a bit crazier. Hannah was feeling crazy.

Dressing in jeans and a purple V-neck t-shirt, you slipped on a pair of flats, grabbed your keys and cellphone and waited for your taxi cab with Hannah.It was only after 9 by the time you reached the party but it was in full swing. Several people were on the front lawn, plastic cups and beer bottles in hand. You and Hannah squeezed yourselves through the front entrance of the house. The music was loud and you were struggling to hear your roommate. You were pretty sure she said she was going to find the bathroom. Already. Really Hannah? 

You walked to the kitchen, barley managing to avoid bumping into anyone. A keg was in the middle of the room with a couple of guys standing around it filling cups as people approached.

“Hey.” Offering your best flirty smile. “Could I get one of those?” You said point to the cup in his hand.

“Of course.” He got to work filling a cup and then passing it to you. It was mostly foam, but hey, he tried. “What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.”

“Y/N. I go to Mission.” You smiled taking a sip from the cup.

“You should come by more often. We usually have a party here most weekends. I’m Ryan by the way.”

“Maybe I will. I’m going to look for my roommate, but I’ll be back over.” He gave you a smile and you returned it. He was a good looking guy, but you just weren’t looking to hook up tonight.

Walking back into the living room you tried looking for Hannah, but frankly there were too many people. If she was standing right in front of you, you probably still wouldn’t spot her.

Finishing your beer, you left the empty cup on the first clear counter you found and headed out the back door grabbing a bottle of beer from a large tub filled with ice on the deck. There were several wooden benches on the deck and a few chairs. You took a seat on one of the empty benches and enjoyed the still warm fall air. There were several groups of people on the deck, all in their own little world. There was a group of three guys closest to you that you couldn’t help ease dropping on. They were talking about classes, but it wasn’t the conversation that caught you, it was the gorgeous, tall brunette with shaggy hair. He looked slightly familiar, but you didn’t know him. You went to a bunch of parties last year, so you were most likely remembering him. It wasn’t until another guy walked up to their group and called Mr. good looking Sam, that your interest was completely piqued. This can’t be the Sam I’ve thought about since I was a kid. You didn’t even know where that Sam was from, only that his family traveled a lot. You could really use Hannah right now. She was definitely not shy and would be more than happy to approach the group of guys with you.

You hung back and tried not to stare. You really hoped he wouldn’t leave before you decided what to do. Finishing your beer, you got up and grabbed another one from the tub. After a few minutes, two of the guys in his group left, leaving him and another guy. They both ended up walking to the far side of the deck taking a seat on a couple of chairs. You took a couple more pulls from your beer and decided to throw caution to the wind and say hello. Even if it wasn’t The Sam, saying someone looked familiar wasn’t a crazy conversation starter.

You stood up and walked quickly to where he was sitting. He’s looking at his friend and doesn’t see you. You touch his arm. “Hey.”

They both look to you and Sam smiles. “Hi.” Eyebrows raised.

“This is going to sound weird, and I swear it’s not a pick up line.” You laugh mostly because you’re embarrassed and maybe a little tipsy. Have you ever been to Richmond Heights Missouri?” He tilts his head to the side, still smiling, but he doesn’t speak right away. “You know what? Never mind. I’m, I’m just going to go back over there.” Your pointing with your beer bottle back to your now abandoned bench. Man, you miss that bench already.

“No, wait!” You stop in your tracks and turn around. “When I was kid. I’m pretty sure I did with my family.”

Your face splits into a huge smile. “When you were like 10?”

He looks at you suspiciously. “Y-yeah.” He says, very drawn out.

“You don’t by chance remember playing Super Mario Bros. in a pizzeria?’

He laughs, deep and long. “What?!” He’s laughing again. “Y/N?”

You start nodding your head fast and furious. Holy shit it’s him!

He stands up and boy is he tall. He pulls you into a hug and you hug him back. His friend gets up from his chair and motions for you to take it. His friend, whose name you can’t seem to remember even though Sam just said it, excuses himself to let you two talk.

You both catch up on why you’re going to school in California. He’s here because he got a full ride and you’re here because after traveling you didn’t want to go back to Missouri. He’s prelaw and you tell him you aren’t sure yet. He’s so good looking it’s becoming hard for you not to get lost in his eyes and zone out on what he’s saying.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you again. You know, you never came to my house the next day.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. When I got back to the motel my dad was already there and said we were hitting the road. I didn’t have time to come tell you.”

“It’s honestly OK, Sam. We only knew each other that one day. I’m surprised you even remember me!”

“How can I forget the girl who was stealing quarters.”

You laugh. “I was such a rebel back then. I’ll have you know I never stole again. I think your disapproval shamed me.”

“I’m glad I could be such an influence on your life.” Smiling so bright you can’t help but smile back.

You and Sam talked for a couple of hours. He got up at one point and grabbed a few beers. Hannah had found you eventually and gave you a thumbs up when she saw that you were with Sam.

When the party started to die out, you called for another taxi and went searching for Hannah with Sam in tow. When you tracked her down, she said she wouldn’t be coming home tonight and wiggled her eyebrows at you.

Sam walked you to the end of the driveway to wait with you for your ride. Feeling slightly brave, you leaned forwarded and captured Sam’s lips in a kiss. It took him a couple of seconds before he returned it. He pulled you against him and you threw your arms around his neck. Your hands running through his gorgeous head of hair as he kissed you feverously. One hand on your head holding you in place while his other traveled down your back settling on your butt. You let out a small moan and he stopped. He dropped his hands and took a step back.

You opened your eyes searching his to see what was wrong. “Sam?”

“I-I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He said. His eyes were cast downwards. Was that regret?

“Well, why not?” You were nervous now. Playing with your fingers. “Am I that bad of a kisser?” You hoped joking would ease the tension that you were currently feeling.

“No, Y/N, of course not. It’s just that,” he paused to lick his lips. “I have a girlfriend.” There it was. It’s always too good to be true. Your stomach dropped. Of course, he did.

“Oh. Huh. I understand. I’m sorry I kissed you.” It was your turn to drop your head down.

“No, Y/N, don’t do that. I kissed you back. I wanted to kiss you. We just can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Sam. Why don’t you go back to the party? I’ll be OK.”

“Don’t say that. I want to stay. I want to make sure you get home OK.”

“I’m a big girl. It’s fine. I, I actually would like to be alone. It was great seeing you Sam. Good luck with school. I’m sure you’ll do great things.” You tried to smile, but it was a weak attempt.

“Thanks, Y/N. I’m sure you’ll do great things. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, maybe. Bye Sam.”

He waved and slowly headed up the driveway. Turning around a few times to look at you, but you pretended not to notice.

The third time you met Sam Winchester you were 33 years old.

After you finished your two years at Mission you moved down to San Diego and got a degree in computer science. You were hired by a startup tech company right after graduation. Luckily for you, that company flourished and you did well for yourself. When you were 29, your mom got very sick. Throughout the years you visited home and sometimes your mom would come out to stay with you. But she needed you, so you packed all you could, shipped everything home and  sold all your furniture. Your boss and your boss’ boss loved you since you had been loyal to them since the start. They were allowing you to work from home which was amazing. It gave you the time to care and spend time with your mom and not be out of a job. 

Two years later, your mom passed away. The house was left to you, but you didn’t want to be there. There were too many memories. You didn’t want to go back to San Diego though either. Moving across country was a pain in the ass. The next two years you fixed up the house and tried and failed to make it your own. You figured you’d eventually sell it, so you might as well make it as nice as it could be.

You continued to work from home which was kind of lonely if you were being honest. So, you did what every other 30 something year old in your town did, you hit the bars at night and hung around friends from high school. It was something and it was nice to bound with a few of your classmates again. Most were married with families, but there were a few of you that were single. On weekends you’d put a little extra care into your appearance and head to one of the few bars in town. Tonight, was no different.

Natalie was on the other side of the bar and you had the perfect view. She was dancing with herself, but not on a dance floor. No, Natalie was a wild one and bit of a drunk. She was dancing between tables and up against the bar bumping patrons as she went, long brown curls bouncing as she went.

“Are you going to control her?” Steve, one of the bartenders you had come to know asked.

“I will, I will. At least let me finish my beer, Steve.” You teased and he gave you an unamused smile back. “You love us.”

“You do keep me in business.”

“Funny.” You tipped your beer to him signaling another. Just as you were about to stand up, you saw Natalie sit at a table with a few guys. You hadn’t seen them before, but it wasn’t a small town. You decided to stay put for now, besides, there was a very good looking guy directly across from you. Even from across the bar you could tell that he was gorgeous. Great body, sandy blonde hair, beautiful green eyes. You really hoped he lived in town. You had made eye contact with him a few times. You were playing the long game, hoping small smiles and eye contact would eventually make him come over. Unfortunately for you, every other woman in this bar was doing the same thing. Some were bolder, buying him drinks and sitting next to him. He’d flirt with them but then they’d eventually leave his side.

Movement from Natalie drew your attention away from Mr. green eyes. She was leaving the booth with the three of guys she was sitting with. You jumped from your stool and told Steve you’d be back.

“Hey, Nat! Where are you going?” Catching up to her just outside the door of the bar, she turned around bright small on her face. 

“Y/N!” She hugged you while the three guys checked you out. “These are my new friends. They are having a party and I going to go. Do you want to go?”

“No, Natalie. I think we need to stay here.” You grabbed her hand and started to walk to the door to go back inside.

“Hey, hey. Wait a minute. No need to run off. We’re nice guys.” Douche number one said. You decided to call them Douche one, two and three.

“I don’t know about that, but her and I are staying.”

Douche number two grabbed Natalie’s arm and pulled hard knocking her on her ass. He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

“Let her go! Someone help!” You yelled as you ran after Douche number two who was hightailing it to the far end of the parking lot. Douche number three grabbed both your arms pulling them harshly behind your back. He dragged you around the corner of the bar and slammed you against the brick wall. You weren’t in the best shape of your life but you felt so weak compared to this guy. He held both of your hands over your head against the wall. His other hand was running down your face. He had his legs pushed against your own so your attempts to knee and kick him failed.

“Such a pretty girl. You should play nice and stop being such a bitch.”

You did the only thing you could think to do; you spit in his face. He removed his hand from your face and wiped his own.

“You bitch!” He yelled. When he removed his hand from his face, you saw nothing but sharp pointy teeth. What the fuck!?

You screamed and wiggled and moved as best you could. He struck you with the back of his hand and you whimpered in pain. He started to lean toward you with that awful mouth. You were crying now, tears streaming down your face. You’ve never felt so helpless.

You heard shuffling but couldn’t see anything other than a pair of boots that stopped directly behind Douche number three. Your captor turned his head and was promptly punched in the face by Mr. green eyes. He temporarily lost his hold on you, so you moved a little to give yourself space. You then kicked him square in the stomach, sending him to the ground. Green eyes looked up at you and blinked twice. A second later, Douche number three’s head was chopped off from his body, laying on the ground with his eyes open. It was so quick; you didn’t have time to scream. Looking at Mr. green eyes, you see that he’s holding a sword. Wait, not a sword. Is that a fucking machete? Then you were screaming.

He covered your mouth with his hand. “Hey, hey sweetheart. You need to calm down. You’re safe. Bad guy is dead, he’s not going to hurt you.”

You nodded your head but the tears kept on rolling down your face. You suddenly remembered Natalie and you started freaking out all over again. “Natalie! Natalie!” You screamed as you started to run to the far end of the parking lot.

“Wait! She’s fine. She’s fine.” Mr. green eyes yelled. You started to slow down but still headed in the direction you last saw her being taken to. “Sammy’s got her. She’s fine.”

“Who the fuck is Sammy?”

“My brother. Now will you calm down? We’re the good guys here. I’ll take you to her.”

You nodded and followed him. You were shaking, but something told you to trust him. What other option did you really have at this point? There was a headless man in the parking lot. You weren’t sure how you would explain this to the cops.

Mr. green eyes lead you to an old black classic Chevy. A guy was leaning against the passenger door as you approached. It was too dark to get a good look at his face, but you hoped it wasn’t one of the other Douches. “Your friend is passed out in the back seat. It’s probably a good thing. Hopefully she won’t remember tonight.”

You let out a long breath you didn’t even know you were holding. You took a look through the back window and sure enough, she was out. You walked back to the front of the car where Mr. green eyes was standing. His brother pushed off the door and started to walk to join you. “Listen, I’m sorry for all the screaming back there. I don’t know how to thank you enough. But what the hell was that thing?”

“I think we need to get this mess cleaned up first, and then talk later. I’m Dean, this is my brother Sam.” He pointed to the guy standing behind you. You turned your head to say hello and your stomach dropped.

“Sam? Sam Winchester?”

Sam’s face was one of shock, mouth open, wide eyes. “Y/N?”

You nodded yes and dove in for a hug. You were far too emotional that you didn’t know what else to do with yourself. A hug seemed like a good start. He hugged you back, but you pulled away after only a couple of seconds.

“Wait, you guys know each other?”

You both nodded yes. “Yeah, but it’s a long story.”

“Well, why don’t you let Sammy help you get your friend home and I will take care of this mess?”

“Okay. Yeah, we can do that.” 

Sam carried Natalie from their car to your car. You drove while Sam sat in the passenger seat to Natalie’s place. Neither of you spoke. When you reached her house, you explained to her roommate that she drank too much and passed out. After making sure she was safe in her bed, you and Sam left. He called Dean to let him know the two of you were getting coffee and he would meet up with him later. The only place open was a 24-hour Denny’s so you settled on going there. 

“So, what were those things Sam?”

Sam took a breath. “Those were vampires.”

“Vampires.” You repeated and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?”

“Well, I saw that thing’s teeth. It checks out.”

“Listen, Y/N. A lot of things from scary movies are real, vampires are just the tip of the iceberg.”

“I’ve got time. Why don’t you tell me about them?”

He nodded and began to run down the list of what else was out there. You ended up talking for hours. You talked about where you finished school, what you were doing now. You told him about your mom. He told you about his family and what they did. He told you about his girlfriend Jessica, and about leaving school. It was a lot to take in, but you felt that you had finally met the real Sam Winchester.

You exchanged telephone numbers and dropped him at the motel across town.

You started a texting relationship with him that morphed into phone calls once a week and then calls daily. You were smitten with him. After three months of texting, calling and flirting, he came to visit you. He ended up staying a week. He called it a vacation, you called it a long date. He stayed in your old room the first three nights. The fourth night he took you on a date. You went to dinner and then walked around downtown. He held your hand. When you arrived home, he kissed you good night in front of your bedroom door. It wasn’t like your first kiss together. It was soft and gentle. Barely there touches and smiles between kisses. You changed into your pajamas, crawled into bed only to crawl out of it. You walked across the hall and knocked on Sam’s door.

“Come in.”

You opened the door to see Sam lying on the bed, arms behind his head. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He sat up swinging his legs over the side. “Can’t sleep?”

You were shy all of a sudden, embarrassed even. “It’s not that. I was wondering if you wanted to come sleep in my room. With me.”

A small smile played on his lips. He nodded and stood up. He reached for your hand and you lead him to your room. You kissed and cuddled most of the night. It was nice and sweet.

The next night, you both were tangled between the sheets and each other. It was slow and gentle, and everything you had fantasized about since you started flirting over the phone.

When it came time for Sam to get home, you cried. You didn’t want him to leave. He held you for hours whispering promises and sweet words in your ear. You walked him to his car and said goodbye.

The next two months were hard. He and Dean were busy constantly saving the world. Sam still tried to call you as much as he could, but it mostly resolved into a text every few days and a call once a week.

You put the house up for sale. It was time. You decided a condo would be best, you weren’t much for gardening and shoveling wasn’t much fun either. However, you wanted to wait until the house was sold before you made an offer on a new place.

It was a random Thursday. You had finished work for the day and were outside cutting the grass. The realtor advised to keep it short, so every few days you were cutting it and praying for an offer. You heard the familiar sound of the Impala. You cut the engine of the mower and turned around to see Sam and Dean stopping in front of the house. Your grin filled your face and you started to walk to the curb. The both got out of the car, but Dean stayed put.

“Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Dean.” You called back.

Sam met you in the middle and pulled you into a bear hug. You pulled back and kissed him deeply. “What are you doing here?”

“We were coming out this way and I had to see you.”

You kissed him again. “I’m glad you did. How long are you here for?”

“Well, that depends on you.” You gave him a questioning look. “Since the day you told me you were selling the house, I couldn’t get this idea out of my head.”

You nodded. “Go on.”

“Instead of buying another place, why don’t you move in with me, well us. You work from home anyway, you can work from home there. Move in with me.”

“What? Are you serious?”

He kissed you again. “Yes, I’m serious. I don’t want to lose another 10 years. What do you say?”

“And Dean’s OK with this?”

He turned his head and looked to Dean who was back sitting in the car. “Hey Dean, it’s OK if Y/N moves in, right?” Dean threw out a thumbs up out the window and you laughed.

“OK then.”

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Yes, I’ll move in with you.” He picked you up and spun you around. He set you back on the ground and pulled you in for another kiss. You couldn’t wait to spend every night kissing him.

@the--blackdahlia @flamencodiva

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching Good Omens (ALL OF IT)

my favourite novel is now my favourite mini-series and IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

under the cut: a very long, spoilery six-episode reaction to MY NEW FAVOURITE THING EVER

--

may 31st 07:36pm nz

i posted my episode 1 reaction a couple hours ago but that got ZERO NOTES so i assume people are either avoiding spoilers or aren’t interested, which is fine, but i’m just gonna put all my reactions in one big post so anyone who IS interested doesn’t have to read 6 separate posts c:

edit june 1st 04:08am: btw i watched using a free trial on amazon prime, which i’m pretty sure is worldwide. soooo if yOU WANT TO WATCH THIS, YOU CAN, FOR FREE

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EPISODE 1: In the Beginning

--

04:03pm

idk how much i’m gonna type, whether i’ll post a reaction to the entire thing in one post....... or how much i’ll end up watching right now

kinda want to spread it out and save it as a treat for after i’ve done some writing

but right now i wanna watch before writing

so maybe i’ll do one ep, write something, then return to this?

edit: aahhaha that didn’t happen

-

04:04pm

I’M SO EXCITED

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

well... since 2011 when i first read the book

but regardless it’S BEEN 84 YEARS

-

04:05

okay first off i did not know amazon prime did adverts at the start of their videos. so i was like SINCE WHEN WAS CHILDISH GAMBINO/DONALD GLOVER IN GOOD OMENS

and then

yeah

no

either way i thought it was a good opening

-

W A R

NING

cool cool cool cool cool

-

omg i’m used to where the netflix full-screen button is, and on amazon prime that’s the “next episode” button so i gotta be real careful

-

dear god my video quality is TERRIBLE

i.......... i might torrent this show and watch it offline

this is horrendous i can’t see a damn thing

i have never seen pixels this big

-

04:11

okay the quality calmed down after a minute

i loooove the intro, i love that it’s basically word for word from the book

i feel like i’d find it funnier if i hadn’t read the book 3 months ago

-

also? god is a woman? yes

-

04:13

is it just me or does the snek have a slightly david tennant-esque quality about it

-

i’m so happy adam and eve are black

-

04:17

omfg. aziraphale said “ineffable” and now CRAWLEY’S CHECKING HIM OUT TRYING TO SEE IF HE HAS ANY JUNK

WOW

...or y’know, looking for a flaming sword. SAME FUCKING THING.

-

also i looove how FLUFFY azi is

-

azi: “do hope i didn’t do the wrong thing”

i fucking love them both uhrgughhhuhuhughuhhh

-

04:21

small sob for cuteness

umbella wings

-

04:23

in the opening titles, crowley just stopped a spaceship and aziraphale turned it into fish

i feel like that was a douglas adams reference and i’m on board

-

04:25

the entire time i read the book, up until i saw video promos of this show, i thought “crowley” was said the same way as spn’s “crowley”, as in “crahwlee”

not “crOhwlee”

i definitely like that they’re different though

both probably named after aleister crowley tbh. all of whom are queer.

-

THOSE SWAYING HIPS

i haven’t found david tennant attractive in about 9 years but WHOOOP HELLO AGAIN

somehow attractive for entirely different reasons than before. like. my taste changed but tHEN

-

i’m on crowley’s side, taking down a cellphone network is VERY ANNOYING

-

04:35

crowley: shitshitshitshithsit

:D

i can’t wait for aziraphale’s big swear

-

04:37

i miss eating sushi

sushi was great

-

04:43

this baby delivery thing is sTRESSFUL

“aaaaurthurrrrr”

nooo

poor lady

-

04:45

“little toesie woesies”

where’s the sister mary loquacious fan club and where do i sign up

-

i’m glad they colour-coded the babies and did the playing card explanation because this part of the book always tied my brain in knots

-

05:00

this is reminding me how utterly gross england is

-

“MY POINT IS............. DOLPHINS”

YES

-

05:06

see in the book

i never once realised that the nanny was crowley in disguise

-

05:11

digging the snake tattoo sideburns

-

05:14

and yeah the short hair looks good

-

05:15

fINALLY crowley called azi “angel”

-

05:17

crowley: “oh no no don’t do your magic act, pleeease”

the magic act scene is one of my fave parts of the book <3

-

05:20

aw man they cut out the best part

i mean i get why

the kids shouted a bunch of gay slurs at aziraphale

and there were no secret service people with guns

but aw mannn

AND THEY CUT OUT THE BIT WITH THE DEAD DOVE AND CROWLEY BRINGS IT BACK TO LIFE FOR AZIRAPHALE

THAT WAS MY SINGLE FAVOURITE BIT OF THE BOOK

AND IT’S GONE

;C

-

OH WAIT

THERE’S THE DOVE

OH GOOD

-

aw man aziraphhale just brought it back himself

i liked it better in the book

they sat on the steps outside and crowley comforted azi and took the dove and fixed it for him, and then it flew off

idk i just had such a perfect image of that moment in my mind and this was..... good but not the same at all

could be gayer

-

05:27

good dog

-

05:28

crowley: *snifsnif* something’s changed

aziraphale: “oh it’s a new cologne, my barber suggeste--”

crowley: “no no i know what you smell like”

gayyyyyyyyyy <3

-

05:31

okay that’s ep 1 watched!!! i’ll watch more maybe later tonight :D

ENJOYING THIS SO FAR

not as gay as expected ........YET

needs 400% more “angel” and “dear”

--

EPISODE 2: The Book

07:42pm

pillar of salt guy: “something smells evil”

the fact crowley smells evil and yet aziraphale likes his company regardless says a lot

-

07:49

fully expected crowley to say “i didn’t fall, i sauntered vaguely downwards”

-

07:50

iiiii’m finding the narrator a little annoying

maybe it’s because i read the book so i know what’s going on

but saying “he has four items to deliver in his van. he works for this postage company and he’s making his first delivery in a formal warzone”.... idk i feel like all of those things could be shown visually? saying it rather than showing it probably saved seven seconds of airtime, but damn

-

07:56

i wonder if the narrator was a later addition to this, for new audience clarity? the script for god just seems a little stilted, idk

edit: i kind of got used to it, but it was still jarring, which i’m sure was the opposite of the intended effect

-

08:09

the saddest newt

-

08:13

she’s kind of exactly how i imagined her in the book

and definitely my fave next to aziraphale and crowley

-

08:17

i feel so bad for crowley’s plants

poor babies

-

08:19

for some reason i imagined her as a redhead. kind of more like mrs weasley

-

08:33

these wee children......... so soft.......... so smol

-

08:25

v happy with the casting for pepper

tiny downside is that we lose another redhead

-

08:29

i find the kids’ conversations hilarious because they’re the same age as harry potter when he goes to hogwarts the first time

idk if this is what eleven year olds are like in real life, but when i read the book i did feel distinctly like they spoke like eight year olds

-

08:35

crowley: “i like spooky. big spooky fan, me”

he just sounds like the tenth doctor

-

08:36

YEEE FINALLY CROWLeY DOING NICE THINGS FOR AZIRAPHALE

-

08:48

"you know, crowley, i’ve always said that deep down you really are a--”

“SHUT IT”

DON’T YOU CALL HIM NICE YOU PRETTY BASTARD

-

loquacious: “sorry to break up an intimate moment”

-

08:45

i imagined anathema’s tripod thing to be about 5 feet tall, not a cute little knee-high thing

-

08:48

freddie mercury: BIIIII CYCLE

BIIIIIIII CYCLE

yeah i was waiting for that

-

crowley: “get in, angel”

HE MURMURED

DON’T MURMUR YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARMENT noo

-

09:00

end of episode 2!!! i freaking loved aziraphale vs the book <3

-

the credits for this ep credit konnie huq as someone named pam but idk who that is? i had a crush on konnie huq as a kid when she was a presenter on “blue peter”

OH WAIT RIGHT the lady on the breakfast show on crowley’s tv. aw such a small part. hoping we’ll see her again later

edit: nope. might rewatch that part to pay more attention. obviously i didn’t even recognise her after like.. 15 years

--

EPISODE 3: Hard Times

09:05pm

brb gotta get some food

-

09:14

and now i wait for food

EPISODE THREE LET’S GO

is this the one that’s just crowley and azi’s backstory?

-

09:16

i can’t even put my finger on why but he’s getting more attractive

-

09:21

ah yes

aziraphale is eating shellfish and trying to tempt crowley

“oh... that’s your job”

i love this part of their dynamic

-

09:29

i adore when crowley makes aziraphale smile <3

-

09:43

SAUNTERED VAGUELY DOWNWARDS

YEE

-

i like seeing how crowley’s sunglasses differ throughout history

-

09:36

“if they knew i’d been... fraternising”

this is such a forbidden romance i love ittttt

-

09:49

CROWLEY SAVED THE BOOKS

and SOFT VIOLIN PLAYS

THIS IS A FUCKING LOVE STORY

k this is my favourite part of the show so far <3

-

09:50

this angel just fell in love

right in that moment

i see cartoon hearts around him

-

09:54

just had to pause for a second bc there was some broccoli in my tea :c

-

09:56

awwwwwwwwwwwwww 

he got him holy waterrrrrrr

-

UNIVERSAL ANGLE OF HETEROSEXUAL LONGING

-

definitely feeling a lot of “NOW KISS” right about now

-

09:59

LAUGHING BECAUSE THE OPENING CREDITS ARE LITERALLY HALFWAY INTO THE EPISODE

-

10:03

throughout the entire book azi just came across as the kind of person who wore glasses even though glasses were never once mentioned

I AM GLAD TO SEE GLASSES

-

10:12

i like this colour palette and the gold in their makeup

-

10:27

“we can go off together”

omg the world’s ending and crowley’s all RUN AWAY WITH MEEE

-

10:31

okay then

good eyelashes

edit: i also like how their relationship was explained with a simple tap on the wrist: hurry up, you’re on the clock, i’m a sex worker, finish your call because i’m leaving

-

10:32

episode three DONE

these eps don’t feel long enough

maybe that means the pacing is just right? who knows

i feel like i should be doing something other than watching this but..... why

--

EPISODE 4: Saturday Morning Funtime

10:48pm

aziraphale is SOFT and he’s perfect like that <3

fuck u gabriel and your body shaming

-

10:53

i want delivery guy to be okay BUT I READ THE BOOK

so............... i know he will be...... eventually

-

10:55

how did they get photographs taken in the 1600s

-

oh gabriel’s eyes ARE purple, i thought i was seeing them wrong

-

11:02

“maud i love you”

noo ho hoooo

-

11:09

a little douglas adams, definitely

BUT NO PEPPER POT DALEK

AWW

-

11:10

the season is very much jumping between summer and autumn

though i suppose that’s the point, tadfield is just perfect

-

11:12

“which the internet has begun to refer to as the kracken”

i wonder if good omens inadvertently inspired me to write The Wireless a couple of years back. wouldn’t be surprising

edit: no, couldn’t have, because the internet wasn’t much of a thing (or a thing at all?) in the book, given its publish date

-

11:20

that’s a v nice dress/top combo

gosh she’s so pretty

-

11:30

crowley: “we can run away together!!! alpha centauri!!!”

aw baby

-

crowley: “i’m going home, angel! i’m getting my stuff, and i am leaving. and when i am up in the stars, i won’t even think about you!!”

THAT WAS A V SAD BREAKUP NOOOOO

why has there not been a single “dear” yet :c

-

11:37

oh no, this part

i loved this in the book but i am NOT READY for maggots

damn you gaiman

-

11:39

he’s so cute

and so gay

-

11:42

uriel: “don’t think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell”

he looks kinda delighted uriel called crowley his boyfriend

i would say he looks worried but this shot was used without context in the trailer and it came across as genuine joy, i actually thought he was looking at crowley

-

11:46

i thought it was a strange throne before

a spider at the centre of a web

dark halo

yeah

-

11:51

oh now she’s a redhead???

-

also i’m glad they implied newt and anathema just kissed because the sex thing was weird in the book

-

okay never mind

hmm

-

12:05

aziraphale: “oh.................ffffUCK.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

12:07

oh no

it’s happening

oh no

i hate this part but i love what happens because of it

-

12:29am

i have eaten and now i have tea and i am back from MORE BOOKSHOP FIRE

-

EPISODE 5: The Doomsday Option

12:31

nuuuuuuuuuu

and “you’re my best friend” playing while crowley’s tryna call azi

nuuuuuu

-

“somebody killed my best friend”

jfhsdfjsdj

/sobs

-

12:36

freddie mercury: “somebody find me somebody tooo ooo looove”

edit: the narration WRECKED this. it was so dramatic and visually emotional but the voiceover completely screwed with it and it was SO UNNECESSARY.

-

12:46

crowley: “i lost my best friend”

he says, while crying, while talking to that friend

-

THE ONE BOOK HE WANTS IS THE ONE CROWLEY SAVED

THEY’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER

-

azi wanted to share crowley’s body

and then said they had to get a wiggle on

-

12:52

they cut out the hell’s angels / lesser horsemen

i figured they would, but still a shame

-

1:54

in the book tracy’s “spirit guide” was native american but daaaaaamn that part really needed to go

now she’s irish which is... better, probably

-

01:01

ron: “SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP”

this guy’s having the time of his life

-

01:03

he wave

-

01:05

1926 bentley; sexiest car right next to the ‘67 chevy impala

-

01:08

omg gotta translate and explain the road

-

01:13

OH NO the maggots are about to happen

they changed the placement of this but it worked for the pacing

-

OH NO

-

k well the maggots were gross but not as bad as i imagined

-

01:31

omg the dog turned upside down rather than be picked up

i wonder if that was intentional

dog: I DO NOT WANT UP

-

01:34

pfff he’s reading “american gods” by neil gaiman

-

01:44am

10/10 flaming car

-

EPISODE 6: The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives

01:51am

here we go...

-

01:55

azi so happy that crowley said the dress suits him <3

-

01:57

rip bentley

-

01:59

aziraphale: “we are here to lick some serious butt!!”

crowley: “kick!! kick, aziraphale, for heaven’s sake”

-

02:06

i freaking love the parallel between the Them and the horsemen in the book

and i love that they did face shots to show the parallel

pepper = war

wensleydale = famine

brian = pollution

adam = death

the parallel is less clear for brian and wensleydale, at least in the show. was more obvious in the book. but at the same time i kind of got confused between them a lot, brian was always eating, but wensleydale was named after cheese

-

02:14

pepper: “i do not endorse everyday sexism”

/STOMPS ON WAR’S FOOT

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

-

02:25

shadwell: “anyone who wants ta get ta the hoore of babylon will have to get past me”

earlier anathema said “boyfriend”

may i point out that all the adults are paired up

shadwell & madame tracy

newt & anathema

......and....

aziraphale and crowley

-

0:28

crowley: “we are FUCKED”

these two need a holiday

-

azi: “come up with something... or.... or i’ll never talk to you again”

he knows crowley loves him aww

perfect blackmail material

-

02:32

they went from trying to kill him to being his gay angel parents real quick

-

02:35

thought they were holding hands for a second there

edit: regardless, a whole damn airfield and they’re 2cm apart

-

02:39

happy ending for the postman, hooray~

-

crowley about the bookshop, softly: “it burned down. remember? you can stay at my place”

awwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-

02:42

CROWLEY GOT HIS CAR BACK AND YET HE TOOK A TAXI

-

02:45

anathema: “why is your car called dick turpin?”

newt: “dick turpin is a famous highwayman. it’s called dick turpin because everywhere it goes, it holds up traffic”

i laughed

this wasn’t in the book and i always wondered

-

02:51

i wonder if holy water wouldn’t burn him because he’s too good

-

03:00

gabriel: “don’t talk to me about the greater good, sunshine, i’m the angel fucking gabriel”

really enjoying these swears

-

03:03

i thought so

-

03:30am

paused for a bit to get ready for bed

i thought it was after 4am but nope

-

“there would be other summers, but not one like this. not ever again”

that genuinely makes me emotional

i think that’s why it’s my favourite book, i can relive that summer with them

-

03:35

omg

-

OH MY GOD

WAIT

THEY

OH MY GOD

THEY WEREN’T IMMUNE, THEY JUST SWAPPED PLACES

HOLY SHIT

edit: THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK AND IT’S BRILLIANT AND I’M GLAD IT’S HERE

-

crowley: “let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?

azi: “~temptation accomplished~!”

THEY’RE SO STINKING CUTE

-

“just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing”

perfect

STILL NO USE OF “DEAR” THOUGH AND IT’S KILLING ME

-

that ending with the bird made me teary-eyed

-

credits: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS SATAN

WOW

OKAY

AKSFJDSF /snorts

-

the end credits and the song i just wanna bawl my eyes out

i loved this so much and i’m so glad it was GOOD

i loved that they added so many people of colour. in the book i imagined crowley played by alexander siddig (star trek: deep space 9 era) but i guess david tennant makes a pretty good crowley too

i’m trying not to be upset that my favourite scene with the dove and aziraphale’s affectionate use of “dear” was taken out

but 

this was damn good regardless. even gayer in places than in the book

-

this nightingale song is my new favourite song

i never got the reference before

“and as we kissed and said goodnight, an nightingale sang in berkeley square:

GAY

SO GAY

i love

-

the end of the credits “For Terry”

ACTUAL OUT LOUD SOBBING

TERRY YOU WOULD’VE LOVED THIS

NEIL DID YOU PROUD

-

oh this was so beautiful

i’m gonna watch it again with my family probably within the week. i’m so emotionally tender now

azIRAPHALE WAS SO FLUFFY AND CROWLEY WAS SO NICE ABOUT THE BOOKS

ugh i love them more than ever

anathema...... i don’t know if i relate to her, want to be her, look up to her, want her to mentor me, live with her, or find her attractive. maybe all of the above. but she was freaking PERFECT. PE R F E CT 

the casting was so... just right. thank you casting people for anathema.

like... i also didn’t mind the newt/anathema thing so much now. it was hard to tell in the book how much of a relationship they had after, but that smile she gave while lying in bed the morning after, that worked, it said a lot. and i like that it was her choice to burn the prophecy sequel rather than newt’s suggestion

gabriel was amusing. like.. i’m glad he wasn’t in the book. but he was great here. also really like michael and uriel. uriel was so damn beautiful.

i also would really have liked to see a mention of the fact crowley and aziraphale are both agender and potentially asexual. not even a hint of it here. buuuuuut it guess i know from the book. so.

my favourite episode was of course episode 3 with crowley and aziraphale’s 6000 year backstory. especially the 1940s bit where crowley saved the books <3

this show was was less confusing than the book too. ugh it was done so well

OH

we didn’t see where the soldier guy went when aziraphale zapped him away!!! in the book he reappeared safely back home and went out to see his family. to be fair i don’t know whether he died and went to heaven, but it was a nice thing to happen

and they took out the Them’s bully/rival gang, who was led by the third baby from the baby swap, and who won awards for his tropical fish. at least that’s what i remember. which meant the parallel about heaven/hell being rival gangs was lost here. but the parallel between the horsemen and the them was stronger than ever and i loved that.

look, i mean, 10 out of 10, EASY.

favourite thing? yes. yes, absolutely.

--

shoutout to the one time i wrote a Good Omens/Destiel crossover fic The Angel Cake Challenge

IT’S 04:02am THIS TOOK ME 12 HOURS

04:40am AND FORTY MINUTES TO EDIT

congrats if you made it to the end of this!!! thank you for reading <3 AND GO WATCH THE SHOW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

You know something else that annoys me that it doesn't feel like anyone else gets irl, outside of my family? This CRAVING for overstimulation that our society seems to have. And if you can, I want you to bear with me on this, or at least skim towards the end of the post to see my reasoning- this is gonna get long, but I think it's important to think about.

I most see examples of the overstimulation obsession at work (Target) - when I'm in the toys and electronics sections

Electronics I'm sure is fairly obvious - we have these giantass hd 4uhk or whatever tv screens, like 8 of them all together projecting our main ads, mostly music ads - including clips of music videos with flashing lights and jarring graphics

And THEN because that's not enough, we have an adjacent wall not too far from that setup, where all our tv display models for sale are - and those? Are a cascade of three or four different feeds playing independently looped ads, complete with their own volume up and everything (the one saving grace is the ads are sometimes showing off the tvs capabilities with showing color and definition, in which case the ad commonly relies on slow-mo shots of water in some form. A little more relaxing than the main screens)

Toss in that we have sample speakers and video game consoles that run music all day long - and lately even another, sample tv screen of a small display size to show off ads for some kind of little robot toy - and trying to work in that section is just overload central. And that's not including the customers!!!!

And then toys. This is probably my bigger pet peeve for the sheer fact that it's absolutely unnecessary: if it's not a brand name toy? If it's not a toy from some franchise or show or video game? It's gotta be Interesting™. I mostly see this with classic, older type of toys - jump ropes, toy balls, frisbees, hula hoops, squishy toys, stuff like that that's lowkey - 90% of the stock we offer on it? Has some sort of obnoxious electronic noismaker box or - my biggest annoyance- a stupid LED flashing light core. Or both. If you're lucky, the toy will be some newly marketed stim-based toy coming off the hype that led to an explosion of fidget toys and spinners and the boosted popularity in slime. Those rarely have this problem - on the other hand, they're their own fad the way franchise items are, so are probably deemed interesting enough by that virtue alone. (Of course even then you have light up fidget spinners and junk)

Honestly, the toys section pisses me off more in this respect for two reasons: 1) it's highly unnecessary. Toys =/= electronics and don't need to be this way by nature and 2) the sheer fact that we market it this way encourages the concept of 'if it's not overstimulating it's not gonna sell, it's not gonna be interesting and your child DEFINITELY won't play with it unless they're entranced at all times by our bright flashing lightshow!!!'

So here's why this pisses me off so much:

My family? Has two immediate members who suffer from epilepsy and seizures when exposed to electronics - not even the fancy flashing i'm describing, but prolonged exposure to electronic screens alone can put them in pre-seizure territory.

My 15 year old sister has a daily hour-long electronic limit because too much more and she has seizures. Think about that - an hour-long electronic limit. This can include her video games or her computer- if she had a modern phone it would include that too. Our tv is an exception because it's a tube tv monitor that's at least 10 years old, but even then we as a family reserve that for watching together at dinner time, instead of an all day thing.

One hour.

No internet, because it hurts our heads. No cellphone. Just video games and her computer, which is a dinky thing she uses chiefly for animating.

Because electronics can push her to seizures. And seizures? Can literally affect her oxygen intake if they get too bad. We've seen her turn ashen and blue because she's technically breathing, but her body isn't processing the oxygen. So it's kind of a big deal that we can't work around otherwise.

My mother also has seizures, she has them a little more under control, she can play video games or be online on her phone - but too much electronics can give her major headaches and lead to her lying in bed all day, because she cannot function. We have a sports stadium near our house. Not super close but if there's a concert we can hear it. On days when that's active, when its floodlights are on and amps are going and probably the scoreboards are doing whatever - mom has to flee the house before noon, or she's laid out in bed all day and has at least one major seizure. She has to flee the house. Whatever her epilepsy responds to isn't just visual. It's another sensory level entirely. The mere proximity to that much electricity pumping through an area is too much for her.

Maybe that sounds fake to you. Honestly, I don't care. We've lived through too many weekends where she's doing terribly and none of us can figure out why, and then we find out that stadium has an event going.

And by that point it's too late for her to leave the house, and all anyone can do is sit around and try to take care of her and hope it'll be over soon.

We've lived through too many weekends where we foresaw this potential problem, and mom has gone out of the downtown area we live in for the entire day, and aside from being subjected to fluorescent lights and bad drivers on the interstate, she's fine. She feels her head clear up when she leaves - and feels it fog up when she returns in the evening.

My sister feels it too. And as I've begun tracking it, I've found I also have more head troubles on days like that, and it eases up under the same conditions.

My sister and mom are moving out to a house in the country, surrounded only by corn fields - they won't have to worry about the stadium anymore.

But the electronics and toys??? God, I don't even know if they could find a tv like the one we currently have, one that's not fancy hd high-def in your face - short of a hand-me-down from my grandma. And the hd tvs? In case you haven't noticed a pattern- bad for their health. We visit family with those tvs. We have had to ask them to specifically keep those tvs turned off when we visit. It's too much for their health for it to be left running.

So when I work in Target, I get pissed off to all hell, because it's not really the safest environment to people who suffer seizures similar to what sets it off in my mom or sister. Heck, it's not like epilepsy is new!!! Video games have had epilepsy warnings on their boxes for ages, which suggests it's well known enough and prevalent enough to address like that. But if an entire store is designed like that, what are they supposed to do??? What if all stores are like that, and their condition is bad enough to not risk going in? What if the nearest store that's safe is like an hour drive??

"Oh well Cleo they can just shop on the internet."

Yeah, they sure can. But they shouldn't HAVE to, in this hypothetical situation. We don't NEED 500 tvs blaring different things at us. We don't NEED toys that flash if you so much as twitch. THAT'S what pisses me off.

There's another, perhaps less pressing reason it annoys me - sensory overload. I have it, my dad has it, my mom has it. It can be due to autism, or trauma, even conditions like adhd if I remember correctly.

For me, it's not the biggest issue. Clearly, because I can still work in this hellscape of a store. But it does leave me confused, and functioning at half-efficiency, and my energy runs out a lot faster on days when i work on that side of the store, leaving me tired, grumpy and drained.

But not everyone with sensory overload can function so well under such conditions. Overload when pushed, can lead to breakdowns, shut downs, incidents I think of as panic attacks when it happens to me, though that may be the wrong term - but it leads to me freaking out and having trouble breathing right and I'm panicking and afraid and everything is too much, too much, too much and I can't even begin to calm down until things around me calm down. It's a terrible experience.

I don't have those when working at the store. That doesn't mean someone else won't.

So if we have epilepsy, and seizure overload, due to things like this, which aren't the most uncommon of conditions or struggles to have - then why the hell is it ok for stores to push this on us, not just electronics which can only be helped so much (sadly), but with simple goddamn toys??? Toys that SHOULD be an option for children who can't handle the franchise toys with voice boxes, or the 3D video game graphics with 360 degree camera action? Why is it those have to be hunted down for rather than readily available, while their cheap flashing counterparts literally fill the shelves?

Tl;dr - electronics and flashing and overload-inducing items for the entertainment of the common masses are stressful and even dangerous to some people's health, but corporations aren't about to even consider that because OH WOW ITS SO FLASHY!!! And people WILL buy it because what it takes to grab their attention in a world so over-inundated by overstimulating objects as it is. And that... is not ok.

[bek44gibbs-blog]

Mobile Phone Guidance Everyone Can Use To Buy One

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #192

“i’d love to give you wings, but babe, you’ve got to grow them.”

Where have you lived throughout your life? The same general area in North Carolina. Do you find your job rewarding? N/A What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? I'm sure it was red velvet. To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? I enjoy both, but bagels. Do you paint your nails? No. What’s the last website you signed up for? Good question... maybe a feral dog RP forum I was considering making a character on? Do you check your email everyday? I'm getting into the habit. Have you created any pages on Facebook? Yeah. Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? Social studies/history, math. What’s your favorite song by Dave Matthews Band? I have no idea who that is. Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? Maybe? Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? No. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? Nooo, not at all. Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? No. Have you ever had a panic attack? Plenty. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Yeah. In our old one, anyway. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? Not personally, I think. Is anyone you know really religious? Welcome to the South. Yes. Are your eyebrows naturally thick? I'd say they're average. Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? No. I haven't spoken in front of an actual audience since my senior project, though. It was hard, but I think I did well. What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? I'm not sure. Moana may have gotten me a bit teary? But if no, Coco absolutely did. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? I think "hate" is a strong word for it. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes. I legitimately had dark spots on my right leg for a long while. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow? Juan. Who was the last person to flip you off? Idk, but I'm sure it was playfully. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Miiiine! And my friend Alyssa's. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? Sure, in rare circumstances. Are you good at following directions? No. I have zer-O sense of direction. Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? Sara. From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? Yeah, behind me. When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? Not unless I'm with my grandmother. She's extremely "proper" about things. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? No. Have you ever seen a walrus? Are there any at SeaWorld? Otherwise, no. When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? HELL NO. I'm a germaphobe with that stuff. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure? Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer? I don't recall the science behind this theory, so idk. When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? Oh yes, especially if it's someone I'm very close to. Particularly, I can't handle Mom, my sisters, or Sara crying. I've never seen Dad cry, but if he ever did, I know I would bawl. Do you tend to jump to conclusions? Was this written as a direct @me??????? Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? NOPE. I only remember... Sara's, Connie's, Caleb's (just because it's on Halloween), Shaylee's, and that's literally it out of friends/acquaintances. Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? Actually use WiiFit. I'm doing periodic exercises throughout the day, but I need to dedicate more and be able to see my center of balance. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? NONONONONO IT'S SO GROSS TO ME How long does it take you to fall asleep? No less than 15 minutes, I think usually more. Do you crack your neck often? I can't. Did you have a weird dream last night? OH MY GOD YES. I was awkwardly with one of my acquaintances at his house somehow????? and we both seemed very uncomfortable??????? and I think I was high or some shit???????????????? I don't even know this person well enough to like-like him?????????????? Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? My sisters and successful friends. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. But I aim for both. In what way are you your own worst enemy? I criticize. The. Hell out of everything I do. What activities make you lose track of time? Video games. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Full offense, you're an absolute dick if you do that. Who do you tell your secrets to? Nobody really unless there's reason to, and only ever Sara, Mom, or my therapist. Who do you live with? Mom and the pets. When did/will you graduate? '14 for high school. Idk when I will for college, gotta get there first... When are you moving next? Probably when Sara and I are ready for our own place. When is the last time you took a vitamin? I have to twice a week now, so Thursday, because I have an incredible vitamin D deficiency, and that's probably what's causing my knee problems. Why are you stressed? The everlasting weight loss struggle. Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Where do you keep your birth certificate? It's in a safe. How many books are in your room? Uhhh like three? Then one coloring book. Have you ever been IN a wedding? I was the immensely triggered and ugly bridesmaid at my older sister's. Weddings were a very sensitive thing to me at the time, so while I was so happy for Ashley, I had a very difficult time and cried numerous times. What was the last thing you laughed out loud at? I think during a Mark video? Do you have a nickname? Why? "Britt" for obvious reasons, and Mom's called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. She gave all her children sweets-based nicknames. Fuck out my face if you think that ain't the cutest damn thing. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? I think the last time was when Sara said I looked really pretty with eyeliner on and I just eeeeeeeeeek. I'm not often told it. Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? Not romantically. I'd like to see Girt as a bud; I'm gonna invite him to my birthday dinner to hang out. Hopefully he doesn't have work. Want someone back in your life? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? Weight. Unbelievable difficulty getting my fucking transcript and inability to find my ACT score so I can go back to school. Are you wearing anything shiny? My lip ring has gems on it, and they shine a bit in the right light. How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? I need it. I don't think I could really enjoy a constantly serious person as a partner. How many followers do you have on Twitter? Idk, don't care to check. I only ever use it to be able to like Mark's shit lmao. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? Open so Roman can go in and out. Have you ever been to the beach? Multiple times. Can you handle blood? Doesn't bother me a bit. Do you pay your bills or do your parents? My parents. I have no source of income to. What’s your best friend’s middle name? Jane. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? In college courses when my mental state was at its worst. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? No, I don't think so. Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? "Very" is unlikely, but I am dead serious about being at least perfectly financially stable one day. I refuse to live how I have my whole life so far, wondering if rent will be paid each month 'n things like that. Do you remember your first time going to the movies? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute? No. Well, not dying to, but after this whole revelation I had, I really want to apologize to Jason. I wasn't without evil in how I responded to and treated him after the breakup. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I haven't read a series in years. Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? Nooo. Summer sucks and lying in grass is super uncomfortable. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Not fading, but literally gone from the keyboard because this one is horrible, even after being "fixed" or replaced (idr). No joke, 21 are gone. Sooo I have to smash those buttons for the sensor or whatever to understand I'm pressing them, to the point my fingers, especially right pointer, are mildly callused. Do any of your close friends have children? No close ones, but one I'm hoping to reconnect more with it expecting. What do you plan on having for dinner? Probably a sandwich and nutrition shake to get enough calories to take my medicine and get the intended effect. Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? The only things I enjoy now are fried rice and eggrolls, but I used to like sweet and sour chicken and bird on a stick or whatever its proper name is. Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? Once. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? We're not like, "real" friends, but I know a good number of and get along great with the employees at the parlor I'm a regular customer at. I want to work there so badly. Small, environment I feel at home at, great people. Have you ever played flashlight tag? Don't even know what that is. Could you call yourself a movie buff? Not at all. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? A second hole in one of my earlobes, and the first time I got my tongue done, there was an abscess inside that indicated one was likely to form. Thank God that the rollercoaster of The Tongue Piercing Woes has ended. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? Mom does occasionally. Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? NOOOOO MY LEGS ARE NOT OKAY. Plus I chafe. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? Ohhhh I'm sure. I haven't been to her house since I was a kid, but I remember it being like, pristine. Her rooms at her son's is neat as hell too. About how much can you bench press? I have no clue. Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? Yeah. Is anybody in your family a carpenter? Not to my knowledge. Are you avoiding someone? No. Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? I have a gf, and I have never in the least understood how that's a term of endearment. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What were you for Halloween? Nothing, ugh. I haaave to dress up this year. Do you have any clothes from Walmart? Yeah. When did you get a Facebook? I have no clue. What color are your eyes? Grayish-greenish blue. What motivates you? How far I've already come, wanting a better future than I have now, encouragement from friends, family, my therapist, and psychiatrist, the drive to thoroughly enjoy my one mortal existence. Can you walk in heels? Not well. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Ummm, last time I got something done at the parlor, I think? Do you keep a journal? No. Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? No. Do you wear a ring on your finger? One, my friendship ring with Sara. What are you doing? This, listening to Asking Alexandria's "Closer" NIN cover (no shame), and waiting for Girt to reply on Facebook. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? A bit of vegetable. Do you currently have a sunburn? No. Who did you last text? Mom. Who’d you last call? About what? My old college to find out why I couldn't get my fucking transcript after weeks upon weeks of being directed to different people about it. I regret going there immensely. Complete waste of time and money. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I'm really frustrated at myself. Do you drink water or soda more often? I'm actually not sure... Do you straighten your hair? No. When did you last talk to your brother or sister? One, not since Christmas, and the younger, a few days ago. All my half-siblings have been forever, and one I've never spoken to. What is your least favorite vegetable? Probably asparagus. Or beans. Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. Sara, Mark, Shane Dawson. In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? English or art, idr. Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? No. When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? Being into what's called "vulture culture" now (at least to a certain degree), I searched for quite a while for the bones of the very first opossum I photographed (I have a photography "series" focused on exposing the horror of roadkill to hopefully influence people to be more careful and vigilant), but despite thorough searching, I couldn't find it. Gruesome, but Mom speculated the remains were destroyed by whoever mows the grass there. Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? No, and never. When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing? Describe it. Uhhh. I seriously have no clue. Maybe some underwear months ago. Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female? Idk who the last person was. Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. No. Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? I can literally almost guarantee Colleen shared our whole goddamn conversation and shit on Facebook after our last talk, as she did the first time too. Too many times our business became everyone's. I'd forgive her, but I refuse to ever be friends again. Nastiest thing you've ever done? I hate talking about this, but okay. When I was deep into my suicidal depression phase, I had a hard time brushing my teeth as needed. Like... I wouldn't for days. I avoided brushing my hair as long as I could too. Anyone who doesn't believe in how deeply depression is capable of chaining you down and making vital things almost impossible, go get fucking educated. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. What color is your shower? White. Where do you order your pizza from? Ideally Domino's, but sometimes Little Caesar's. When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone? Yesterday. Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? Oh yes. I rarely try something new. What color is your bike? N/A What word can you not stand to hear people say? The “n” word. What room of your house are you in? My bedroom. What is the temperature in your city right now? Apparently 38 F. When did you last use a post-it-note? No idea. Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? No. Do you have a fan in your bedroom? I have three lmao. My room is unbearable in the summer. Who is the last person that you took a picture with? Sara. When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam? A couple months or so back when there was an accident. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? All my friends. When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 2016 visit to the beach. We went to the aquarium there and it absolutely sucked. What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? Just lettuce (but I can also handle cucumbers) and the Olive Garden dressing. If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? Occasionally. Rn I have tattoo ideas written in it. Surprised? How good would you say your memory is? Absolutely horrible, lately worse than ever. I worry about it quite a bit. About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? Once or twice. Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? Not currently on or anything. What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently? Improved on picking up the phone when I don't know the number. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Well, I've talked about flirting with my friend's bf as a pre-teen, and it wasn't always innocent, if you count that as "sexual." I regret the hell out of it. Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? NO. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? Yes, Tyler. I wasn't like, terrified, but preeeetty uncomfortable. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I can, but I'm not that great, and I absolutely hate it. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yes. Do you like french fries? Hell yeah. Have you ever eaten so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? People whose opinions I care about. Would you rather go to Greece or France? Probably Greece.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. How many times have you cried in the past four weeks? Where any of those tears, tears of joy? Probably like 5 or 6. No, they weren’t tears of joy.

2. When laying down to sleep, do you typically lay on your side, stomach or back? Do you move a lot in your sleep? I lie on my side. My arms move around a lot.

3. Have you ever fallen asleep in a significant others arms? Do you find that you fall asleep faster when accompanied by a significant other? No.

4. Are you one of those people who hate to watch movies alone? Or do you like the alone time? Depends. When flipping through the guide on TV and I see a movie on I like I might flip to it and watch or have it on for background noise. But it’s rare that I’ll rent a movie and watch it by myself? Or like actively put one on. It’s weird. Same with TV shows. I have a few that I watch with my mom and/or brother and I just like to watch it with them instead of by myself so I’ll wait for them to watch. ANYWAY, to answer the question I’d say I prefer watching movies and TV shows with others. I think it’s more fun and interesting that way cause you have someone to discuss it with and also because I likely won’t be the one to put one on lol.

5. ^ Are you one of those people who always tend to blurt out the ending to movies, to people who have yet to see that movie? Do you have any friends who do this to you? Nooo. That’s so rude and annoying. I hate being spoiled, so I wouldn’t do that to someone else.

6. If your Tumblr is not where you started taking surveys, where and when did you actually get into them? Did you start off taking a whole bunch at a time, or did the number you took gradually get bigger? I first took them on Myspace. I did them pretty regularly, but not on the level like I do now. It wasn’t that big of a thing, yet. I did them on Xanga as well.

7. When you can’t sleep, do you watch television, listen to music or hop on the computer more? Or maybe you do something else…? Well, at night I always have the TV on and I’m either listening to an ASMR video or watching something else on YouTube, scrolling through Tumblr, and doing surveys until I feel tired enough.

8. Are the clothes in your dresser draws folded? If you don’t have a dresser, are the clothes in your closest hung neatly on hangers? If you don’t have either of those.. where do you keep your clothes? I’m kinda horrible and just put my clothes in there without folding them. I only have coats and dresses hung up in my closet. I also have a hamper I have for clothes because I’ve run out of room in my dresser.

9. Do you like all doors, such as closet doors and stuff, to be closed before going to sleep at night? What about the lights? Does it bother you if they are on? My closet doesn’t have doors anymore because the sliding doors that were on there broke off the track or whatever and we just never put any back on. I close my bedroom door though at night before going to bed. As for lights, I sleep with my TV on because I don’t like it to be completely dark and quiet.

10. How different does your room look, from a year ago? Is there any new furniture in it? It’s the same.

11. Do you like to change things around in your room often? Of do you like to keep it the same? I haven’t in a long time. Not much else to do with it. Not enough room to do anything either.

12. If you have curly hair do you wish it were straight? And if you have straight hair, do you wish it were curly? I have wavy hair and wish it were straight.

13. Do you have a television in your room? If you do, is it one of the old school big ones? Or is it a new flat screen? Yes. No, it’s a flat screen.

14. Do you still own any old school gaming devices? Like a nintendo 64 or the old school gameboys as big as your head? No.

15. Do you remember the cellphones as large as your head? Did you or any close friends/relatives own one of those? I’ve seen them in old TV shows and movies. My parents said they had one.

16. What was your favorite cartoon or television show as a child? What about movie? I was obsessed with Barney.

17. Did you have sleepovers at your friends houses a lot as a child? Or did your friends come over to your house more often? Nope. I spent more time with cousins and had sleepovers with them.

18. Do you have any significantly older siblings? Did they ever treat you as if you were their child? No, not significantly. My older brother is just 6 years older than me.

19. If you like taking photographs, what do you like to capture? People, animals, plants, etc? I take a lot of photos of my pup, ha. I also like taking scenic photos.

20. Has anybody recently told you that you smell nice? What did you smell of, at the time? Not recently.

21. When opening presents on Christmas or birthdays, do you first try to guess what is in the package? Do you tear the wrap off slowly, or just rip it to shreds? Are you polite no matter what the gift, and say you love it anyways? Nah, I like being surprised. I try to open it nicely, but sometimes I end up just tearing right in.

22. Have you ever been at a funeral, in church, at a wedding or some other important quiet event and had your phone go off, ringing loudly and everyone turns to look at you? How did you play it off? Nooo. I would die.

23. Do you still own a lot of those VHS tapes? Or do you only have DVDs? We have our Disney ones still.

24. Is there a piece of jewelry or hair accessories that you feel you must wear every day? Do you feel naked without said item? I used to have 3 rings I wore 24/7 for years and then one day I took them off for some reason and never ended up putting them back on. It’s been like 3 years now since I’ve worn them.

25. Have you ever snuck into a second movie at a theater, that you did not pay for? What movie was it? Was it even worth sneaking into? No.

[littledonkeyburrito]

My neopets account is old enough to drive

1. Why are you at home? Because it’s 2am and I’m not working tonight 2. This time last year, were you single? Sort of, leaning towards yes

3. What are you listening to? "Big Tings” by Skindred 4. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope 5. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms? Yeah, that’s one thing I missed when I was living in Spain - tropical thunderstorms

6. Is there anyone you would do anything for? Sure 7. When will your next kiss be? Depends if I end up going on that date tomorrow night and how well it goes. Otherwise idk, sometime in the next month probs. 8. Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? Yeah. I’d rather be living in a different country but I can deal 9. Do people ever think you’re older/younger than you actually are? People usually think I’m younger, like 16. 10. Have you ever liked someone way older than you? Yeah but he liked me too so it worked out fine 11. How many texts are in your inbox? I don’t text except to the work phone. I prefer messenger/whatsapp. 12. Who last left you a wallpost on Facebook? First thing that came up on my page was Patrick who tagged me on a screenshot of when I said “I don’t know anything about politics but I sure am drunk and have opinions”. That counts. 13. Assuming you have various kinds of electronics (phone, camera, iPod, etc.), are you currently charging any of them? Laptop is currently plugged in.  14. How are you wearing your hair today? Messy. Got out of the bath and towel dried it. Didn’t bother combing or styling because I’m going to bed soon. 15. What are you eating/drinking? Chips and Pepsi 16. What will your outfit be today? Was wearing a stripey shirt and jeans earlier. Now in my jimjams 17. When’s the next time you’ll be traveling somewhere (anywhere) and where will you go? Maybe going out on a date tomorrow night. If not, will be hanging with a friend. Maybe at my place, maybe out at some bars. Also working on Sunday night.

18. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? Sometimes wear sunnies inside at work because I’ll be staring out the window the whole time.

19. Are you putting off doing something right now? If so, what is it? Nope. I do what I want.

20. What’s the most daring thing you have ever done? Idk, probably moving to a foreign country on my own and barely knowing the language.

21. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Currently playing Horizon Zero Dawn on PS4. Whenever my PC is working again I’ll eventually finish playing Dragon Age Inquisition.

22. Are you sitting in front of or by a window? What can you see out there? Blinds are closed but all I’d see is the construction site next door.

23. Do you ever dance to the song playing in your head? Sometimes

24. How long have you had an online presence for? I think my first account was on Neopets. I just logged into that old account (god knows how I still remember the password) and the account was made in 2002. So, 16 years ago. Oh my god my neopets account is old enough to drive

25. If you got a chance to go to space, would you? Depends on the situation but yeah probably!

26. What’s something we do every day but they don’t depict in movies? The cleanup after sex. Okay not really every day but still. They always just roll over and go to sleep. Like, bro you still got a condom on your dick, and you’re just gonna sleep like that??

27. Do you enjoy travelling? Definitely

28. Where’s the most beautiful place you’ve been to so far? There are many beautiful places I’ve been to. Although I think I have to give an honourable mention to the High Atlas Mountains in Morocco for being so beautiful that I was actually speechless.

29. What’s something cool about the city/town you live in? River got sharks

30. Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? Masculine side of neutral

31. Do you usually carry a backpack, a shoulder bag or something else? I don’t carry a bag unless I’m at work and then it’s a duffel bag, or I’m travelling then it’s a backpack

32. What smell brings back a memory for you? Woodfires make me think of winter at my grandparents’ house when I was a kid, even though we never had fires there. Also sawdust reminds me of my dad’s workshop

33. When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? Couple of nights ago when I last did a nightshift 34. Who was the last person to message you?  Maggie

35. What did you do today? Played PS4, Maggie came over, went to Dan Murphy’s, watched some Will & Grace, had a bath with a lime coconut bathbomb and now all my skin is lovely and smooth 36. Why did you last laugh really hard? Okay so I bought a pack of tiny squeaky rubber pigs online and I have an ongoing treasure hunt in my apartment with Maggie. We re-hide the ones we find. Anyway, I laughed a lot when she adjusted her position in the beanbag and the piggy under it squeaked 37. Would you be able to name everyone you kissed? Nah, I’ve kissed one or two people I don’t know the name of 38. Where is the last person you kissed? No idea 39. What color shirt are you wearing? Navy blue 40. Did you have a fling this summer but it didn’t really go anywhere? I only had half a summer because I moved back from europe. I slept with an ex a few times. Does that count as a fling? Probably not. 41. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? About to bang 42. What was the last thing you bought? Bottle of rum and a case of beer 43. Ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? I have no idea. Maybe..? 44. What about a lip piercing? I don’t think so 45. Nose piercing? Again, I don’t think so but it’s possible 46. Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend? Lmao yeah made out with both of them  47. Did you like kissing the last person you kissed or the one before that more? The one before 48. Ever made out in a pool? Uhh I don’t think so? 49. When was the last time you went shopping for new clothes? Do you remember what you bought? I bought undies and singlets a couple of days ago. Not as glamorous as you were expecting I’m sure 50. What sort of compliments make you feel the best? An acknowledgement of something I put effort into

51. What would you say to a twenty year old version of yourself? idk she was pretty much already on the right course 52. Name a few things that make you happy? My lil squeaky pigs drinking/hanging out with friends making plans to travel again 53. If you were going camping for a few days (or to a fancy hotel for those that dislike camping), who would you want to bring with you? Friends that would actually enjoy the camping 54. How long have you been living where you are now? Is this somewhere you intend to stay for a while, or is a move in your future? I’ve been in this apartment for 5 months. I’ll renew for a second year so long as they don’t try to bump the rent up too high. After that idk. I want to move overseas again at some point 55. What was the last thing you put away? I put the towel back on the rack 56. When was the last time you were near a large body of water? I was along the river the last shift I had 57. How much time do you spend in your bedroom? Only when I’m sleeping 58. Do you secretly like to go grocery shopping? No, I put it off until I basically have no food

59. Breakfast; yay or nay? I have vegemite on toast before work but if I don’t have a shift I forget to have breakfast 60. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? Nothing in particular comes to mind 61. Yay, you’re going out on a date! What do you wear? Fuck I hadn’t even thought about that -_- 62. What’s the last movie you saw in theatre? Was it good? It was either Antman or Deadpool 63. On average, how long would you saw your on the computer per week? When my desktop is broken (now) I usually just use my phone. Laptop is pretty slow. 64. Do you like your music loud? No 65. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would it be? Smell 66. Would you rather have no computer or no cellphone for a week? Computer. 67. What’s you favourite thing to have for dessert? I don’t really eat dessert at home. I just eat whatever I’m in the mood for whenever. I guess sweet stuff I usually go for timtams or a nutella sandwich 68. Do you tend to straighten or curl your hair more? Neither 69. What’s your favourite summer sport? Sitting inside with the AC blasting. 70. Can you dance, or do you just completely fail at it? I cannot dance. 71. Do you get nervous when you’re about to get a haircut? Yes! And I don’t know why 72. Choose one: Hanging out at the beach, or playing some winter sports? SKIING 73. What’s the coolest place that you ever been to? What’d you do there? Oh man I’ve seen some cool shit. The roundhouses in Tulou village in China were rad. Varanasi in India was a weirdly spiritual experience and I am very much not a spiritual person. Ziplining through the jungle in Panama was fun. Sagrada Familia in Barcelona was super cool in the afternoon with the sun coming in through all the yellow/orange windows. And I’m sure I have more to see in the future 74. What’s the earliest time you ever had to wake up? Was it hard for you? I often wake up at crazy times for work so there is no “earliest” because it loops back around to late 75. What radio station do you listen to most? I have 97.3 playing in the car 76. Whenever you take pictures, do they always end up posted on Facebook? The good ones go on instagram

77. You have unlimited money, what do you do with your life? Travel indefinitely. Pay for friends to travel with me. Give away money. Basically just do whatever I want and hope that nobody tries to kill me for my money. 78. What was the last thing you spent under $5 on? Hmm I have no idea. I can’t think of anything recently. According to my bank statement it was the icecreams I bought from Woolies a couple of weeks ago when I was with some friends 79. How many times have you cried in the past week? None, I don’t really cry 80. Have you ever used your cell phone as a light source in the dark? I need it to see if there’s anything in my mailbox. For some reason I always check the post when it’s dark. 81. Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing? “Max Rager” it’s the energy drink from iZombie

82. Where were you living in 1997? I think my family and I had just moved to australia 83. How was your first kiss? eh 84. Do you still talk to the person you shared it with? No 85. How long has it been since you showered? I showered this morning and had a bath a couple of hours ago 86. Have you ever dated someone who had kids? Not dated 87. Have you kissed someone 4 or more years older than you? Several 88. How about younger? Not that I’m aware of 89. Were your parents married when you were born? No 90. Are there any candles in the room with you? No, I don’t like candles, they make me anxious 91. Does the last person you kissed have tattoos? No 92. Do you live within 20 miles of where you were born? Nooooo. more like 10,000 miles 93. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? Nope 94. Where was your current profile picture taken? In a camping ground in southern Spain. I was visiting my dad’s friends

[theareya]

do the even numbers for the vg ask binch

BINCH

Video Game Asks!

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.answered!

4. Who do you play with now?Who? Like my friends? Mostly the same people I played with when I was a kid, but now they’ve grown up into ripe gaming fruits. And some new friends who I met through love of video games  *stares directly into camera*

6. Ever buy strategy guides?No. I’d rather spend money on the game itself. I see the pretty art books often and wonder though…

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?uH. What? Rarest? I don’t have any of those classic games that are worth a fortune now. Most expensive was probably the Dishonored 2 bundle that I bought because I wanted Corvo’s mask super bad

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?

I have not! I usually pre-order using the internet and try to distract myself until I can feel the game with my fingers

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?Wheeeen I was younger, yes. I stopped playing for a little while, even though I was not any good at the time anyway. I didn’t pick it back up again until the middle of high school when I stopped caring.

14. Favorite game music?I… really like the Journey and Undertale Soundtrack. However, Kingdom Hearts and Nier: a tomato have been my… main music go-tos .In fact, I’m listening to the Nier ost right now.

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?Answered!

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?No. Bitch. Worst-case scenario they “tolerate” it. Just kidding, NO that’s impossible. Worst case is they’re indifferent. And in that case, they’d have to be pretty darn spectacular. Like they own Disneyland spectacular. Trust me. 

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?BIOSHOCK. I can tell you where every audio diary is. And every ridiculous jump scare. I also could say the same about Nier, but that’s a little too recent, so the obsession is still fresh.

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?I have a Fallout t-shirt, Kingdom Hearts Sweater, some lovely Nier pins, and a 2B phone charm accessory. I love game merch, I just am a bit picky on which ones I wear.

24. First Pokemon game?It was actually Yellow. I never got Red and/or Blue.

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?I don’t like those, but literally Pokemon Go sets them up by making you pick teams and publicly fight the other teams down.

28. Ever play in a tournament?nOpe I’m not that good. I watch a lot of tournaments though.

30. How many consoles do you own?Uhh, since forever? I would say 8. However, the only active ones right now are my ps4 and Switch. Everything else is stored away in the closet or was given away.

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?Not. Really. No. I don’t really love those. One time I got Narnia as a gift and cried at how bad it was. And then there was Shrek Party?? Which was a depressing version of Mario party, but with Shrek characters. I liked it… actually. If it were done well, maybe?  

34. Do either of your parents play video games?My mother plays pokemon go and is level 40, which is higher than me. And it’s kind of made her more open to the idea of playing video games. But my mom knows the basics of certain video games enough to not get mad at me when I tell her I can’t pause. 

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?I have cried over a few video games. Not full on crying, but my eyes will water and that’s pretty wild. Sweat is all over my controllers. I clutch them so hard. I was also very emotionally compromised over The Last of Us, but it was mostly internal.

oHH! One time I was playing Battleborn and got a nosebleed, but I’m pretty sure that was on account of the weather and not the game. 

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?I have no shame at all whatsoever in any game that I like. I guess Fable, 2 and 3 were absolutely awful according to everyone, but I thought they were alright, mostly because it made me think of the first game.

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?I think they’re fun! But am sad that they probably won’t be able to reach their full potential in my house.

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?…Bioshock tbh. That was the first game I legitimately played after stopping gaming for an awfully long time. The one that started it all. Kingdom Hearts and Bioshock. Two completely different games. 

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?I never really played arcade games? Soul Calibur? DDR??

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?YES THOSE ARE LIKE MY FAVORITE TYPES OF GAMES!!??!? I can seduce Harvest Moon characters all the ding dang day. And I can fish for hours. Fishing mechanics are vital in every game. 

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?84 years. In all honestly, it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the options that are available. Dragon Age took so… so long. Basically any game with the objective of making your character look cooler is… dEATH

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?Answered!

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?Pokemon Y

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?I use my friend’s steam and he has like 2000 dollars worth of games, so I’d say he definitely does.

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?I never played that game, but I remember quality video compilations of that.

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?Answered!

60. Do you know the Konami Code?It’s like a bunch of directional buttons, but idk which ones.

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?I bought a gosh darn PS3 like 10 years ago because I thought KH3 was going to come out for that. Now here with are the PS4 pro and KH3 will be out in a year.

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?I have! Or I mean it was a family TV anyways, but I sneakily snuck in a question or two about gaming quality and the guy hooked me up.

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?No. I didn’t have a legit cellphone until after high school.

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?LOL no I’m so bad at those, I spend all my tickets immediately on the dumbest thing I can find like those finger traps.

70. Very first game you ever beat? I want to say Fable. As a kid I didn’t know what a memory card was and sort of assumed you had to start over every single time.

[xtruss]

Chauvin Guilty of Murder and Manslaughter in Floyd’s Death

— By Amy Forliti, Steve Karnowski and Tammy Webber | Associated Press | April 21, 2021

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — Former Minneapolis Officer Derek Chauvin was convicted Tuesday of murder and manslaughter for pinning George Floyd to the pavement with his knee on the Black man’s neck in a case that triggered worldwide protests, violence and a furious reexamination of racism and policing in the U.S.

Chauvin, 45, was immediately led away with his hands cuffed behind his back and could be sent to prison for decades.

The verdict — guilty as charged on all counts, in a relatively swift, across-the-board victory for Floyd’s supporters — set off jubilation mixed with sorrow across the city and around the nation. Hundreds of people poured into the streets of Minneapolis, some running through traffic with banners. Drivers blared their horns in celebration.

“Today, we are able to breathe again,” Floyd’s younger brother Philonise said at a joyous family news conference where tears streamed down his face as he likened Floyd to the 1955 Mississippi lynching victim Emmett Till, except that this time there were cameras around to show the world what happened.

The jury of six whites and six Black or multiracial people came back with its verdict after about 10 hours of deliberations over two days. The now-fired white officer was found guilty of second-degree unintentional murder, third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter.

Chauvin’s face was obscured by a COVID-19 mask, and little reaction could be seen beyond his eyes darting around the courtroom. His bail was immediately revoked. Sentencing will be in two months; the most serious charge carries up to 40 years in prison.

Defense attorney Eric Nelson followed Chauvin out of the courtroom without comment.

President Joe Biden welcomed the verdict, saying Floyd’s death was “a murder in full light of day, and it ripped the blinders off for the whole world” to see systemic racism.

But he warned: “It’s not enough. We can’t stop here. We’re going to deliver real change and reform. We can and we must do more to reduce the likelihood that tragedies like this will ever happen again.”

The jury’s decision was hailed around the country as justice by other political and civic leaders and celebrities, including former President Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey and California Gov. Gavin Newsom, a white man, who said on Twitter that Floyd “would still be alive if he looked like me. That must change.”

At a park next to the Minneapolis courthouse, a hush fell over a crowd of about 300 as they listened to the verdict on their cellphones. Then a great roar went up, with many people hugging, some shedding tears.

At the intersection where Floyd was pinned down, a crowd chanted, “One down, three to go!” — a reference to the three other fired Minneapolis officers facing trial in August on charges of aiding and abetting murder in Floyd’s death.

Janay Henry, who lives nearby, said she felt grateful and relieved.

“I feel grounded. I can feel my feet on the concrete,” she said, adding that she was looking forward to the “next case with joy and optimism and strength.”

Jamee Haggard, who brought her biracial 4-year-old daughter to the intersection, said: “There’s some form of justice that’s coming.”

The verdict was read in a courthouse ringed with concrete barriers and razor wire and patrolled by National Guard troops, in a city on edge against another round of unrest — not just because of the Chauvin case but because of the deadly police shooting of a young Black man, Daunte Wright, in a Minneapolis suburb April 11.

The jurors’ identities were kept secret and will not be released until the judge decides it is safe to do so.

It is unusual for police officers to be prosecuted for killing someone on the job. And convictions are extraordinarily rare.

Out of the thousands of deadly police shootings in the U.S. since 2005, fewer than 140 officers have been charged with murder or manslaughter, according to data maintained by Phil Stinson, a criminologist at Bowling Green State University. Before Tuesday, only seven were convicted of murder.

Juries often give police officers the benefit of the doubt when they claim they had to make split-second, life-or-death decisions. But that was not an argument Chauvin could easily make.

Floyd, 46, died May 25 after being arrested on suspicion of passing a counterfeit $20 bill for a pack of cigarettes at a corner market. He panicked, pleaded that he was claustrophobic and struggled with police when they tried to put him in a squad car. They put him on the ground instead.

The centerpiece of the case was the excruciating bystander video of Floyd gasping repeatedly, “I can’t breathe” and onlookers yelling at Chauvin to stop as the officer pressed his knee on or close to Floyd’s neck for what authorities say was 9 1/2 minutes, including several minutes after Floyd’s breathing had stopped and he had no pulse.

Prosecutors played the footage at the earliest opportunity, during opening statements, and told the jury: “Believe your eyes.” From there it was shown over and over, analyzed one frame at a time by witnesses on both sides.

In the wake of Floyd’s death, demonstrations and scattered violence broke out in Minneapolis, around the country and beyond. The furor also led to the removal of Confederate statues and other offensive symbols such as Aunt Jemima.

In the months that followed, numerous states and cities restricted the use of force by police, revamped disciplinary systems or subjected police departments to closer oversight.

The “Blue Wall of Silence” that often protects police accused of wrongdoing crumbled after Floyd’s death. The Minneapolis police chief quickly called it “murder” and fired all four officers, and the city reached a staggering $27 million settlement with Floyd’s family as jury selection was underway.

Police-procedure experts and law enforcement veterans inside and outside the Minneapolis department, including the chief, testified for the prosecution that Chauvin used excessive force and went against his training.

Medical experts for the prosecution said Floyd died of asphyxia, or lack of oxygen, because his breathing was constricted by the way he was held down on his stomach, his hands cuffed behind him, a knee on his neck and his face jammed against the ground.

Chauvin’s attorney called a police use-of-force expert and a forensic pathologist to try to make the case that Chauvin acted reasonably against a struggling suspect and that Floyd died because of a heart condition and his illegal drug use. Floyd had high blood pressure and narrowed arteries, and fentanyl and methamphetamine were found in his system.

Under the law, police have certain leeway to use force and are judged according to whether their actions were “reasonable” under the circumstances.

The defense also tried to make the case that Chauvin and the other officers were hindered in their duties by what they perceived as a growing, hostile crowd.

Chauvin did not testify, and all that the jury or the public ever heard by way of an explanation from him came from a police body-camera video after an ambulance had taken the 6-foot-4, 223-pound Floyd away. Chauvin told a bystander: “We gotta control this guy ’cause he’s a sizable guy ... and it looks like he’s probably on something.”

The prosecution’s case also included tearful testimony from onlookers who said the police kept them back when they protested what was happening.

Eighteen-year-old Darnella Frazier, who shot the crucial video, said Chauvin gave the bystanders a “cold” and “heartless” stare. She and others said they felt a sense of helplessness and lingering guilt from witnessing Floyd’s slow-motion death.

“It’s been nights I stayed up, apologizing and apologizing to George Floyd for not doing more, and not physically interacting and not saving his life,” she testified.