#very rarely would he use them in a geniune way

[thegrinchening]

Little ship thing I did a bit ago

[ateez-himari]

Hi bb!!!! Thank you for the heartfelt reply you gave me cause like mingi has to be the most geniune idol out there❤️‍🩹, I'm not saying that he shows us everything cause obviously there's plenty of emotions or actions he can't show us but the fact that he always acts out his emotions makes me happy🥹

It's rare to see idols being natural(they're not to blame cause it's basically the idol standards put by fans) which I think is stupid, "fans" should know better than to hate on their idols for doing basic human activities such as eating normally, and should instead be happy to see their idols acting naturally and being comfortable enough with their fans to show this domestic side of them

But speaking of my actual question I knew it's gonna be MATZ I mean they're the oldest and they always think two steps ahead💓, but it's so cute that all of the members supported them and I'm so glad kq has this rule cause honestly I wouldn't expect such fine men to be single🤭, and it's stupid when comapnies put a dating ban like what? that's a basic human right to have someone love you in a romantic way

And I honestly feel sad when people focus on woosan or seongjoong just for their closeness and moments rather on their skills and talent, but I mean we're already so far into that no one could change their mindsets🤷

And im so happy they're going to couple events like that's so cutee🥹

And I wanna ask a question because I wanna do a little something hehe🤭if you were to choose a song that perfectly fit mingi's and hima's relationship what would it be??

Love you mwahhh💗💗

Hey sweets 🥰, I'm so sorry it took so long but I've finally caught up with everything so I can answer this! I completely agree with you honestly idols are humans just like their fans and they fall in love, they make mistakes, they get their heart broken, but they should get to experience this as openly as the rest of us. (Seeing how boyfriend material all of them are, I refuse to believe they're single too dw 🤭)

MATZ being the oldest meant that they were very involved in her life specifically especially because of the environment she came from (she was loved a lot but people also made many mistakes, so she was always unconsciously older than she should have been). Actually I'll give you a little spoiler for a draft that I have; When they lived in LA Himari used to sleep alone on the couch but one night Hongjoong fell asleep on it while everyone was washing up, which made her share a mattress with Seonghwa and from that day forward nightmares became rare, so they kept that sleeping arrangement until moving back to Korea.

This is a tough question so I went through quite a long playlist to answer this (it was fun don't worry) but I would say Intro: Serendipity by BTS (Jimin). The title means 'the occurrence and development of events by chance (in a happy and beneficial way)' which is essentially what brought them together, it was simply the chance of them being the same group as one another that led to the meeting of two soulmates.

The song itself talks about the fact that two lovers fit one another perfectly while the speaker asks whoever is listening "Let me love you" and since both struggle with loving themselves, it illustrates perfectly that the love they cannot create is simply given by the other. There's also a line saying "As much as my heart flutters, I'm worried", which expresses the deep rooted anxiety both have to this day (although that worry can extend from their relationship to truly anything in their lives). In a very cute coincidence, Jimin also refers to the person listening to this song as "my angel" which is Mingi's nickname for Hima🥹

I always write them as two puzzle pieces created solely for one another and this is what the song talks about, people that fate brought together by pure coincidence which led to the blooming of a beautiful relationship. The overall sound of this track also suits what their love is like, very gentle, calm, complete and despite being simple flows ever so perfectly throughout time. (Euphoria by BTS (Jungkook) would also have been a good song for them)

The fact that they were made for one another doesn't mean that she didn't truly feel love for Eunwoo or Mingyu, but it was different than what the two of them have. It was adoration, affection, love, and she felt at peace when they were together but it was not the sense of completion she has with Mingi, it didn't feel like their hearts beat in sync, their voices didn't sink into the depths of her mind when hearing it even for a brief moment.

As usual sweets thank you for your question (and your patience)! Love you too, MWWAAHHH 🥰💕

[ranger-danger]

Anyways some semi-general Kane characterization because it’s really easy once you get done role playing a character to establish a character:

Hates cocky people, doesn’t matter if they’re evil or good, he cannot stand them at all.

Most people do not get the jokes he makes and take them seriously or miss the part that’s a joke, so he avoids making jokes (to be clear he isn’t an asshole when he makes jokes and his jokes are not that kind of joke either).

Can’t gamble for shit and doesn’t understand most games. They make him feel really stupid.

Is very bad at hiding his emotions unless he absolutely has to, in which he enters a more normal yuan-ti state of cold calculation to try and manipulate a situation to his favor.

Similarly he makes no efforts to hide his loyalty to Selûne and the only thing he goes out of his way to hide is his appearance, as time has taught him that Yuan-Ti are not free to show themselves. This is an issue he needs to grow out of.

Spends more time with his prosthetic leg off than on, if you were to talk to him at camp he would rarely have it on.

It takes a very big personal slight against him for him to geniunely despise someone and wish them dead. Otherwise he tends to ignore the person unless confrontation is necessary.

Prefers to avoid violence, when in fights he ends them as soon as he can. Unfortunately “ending” by Kane’s meaning is always the other person dead. He doesn’t believe in ending a fight with the other person knocked out or unable to move.

Is fluent in Draconic, Abyssal, and Undercommon. He likes to use them to scare people who bother him too much.

Due to previous experiences with dragons he always greats them properly and with respect regardless of their color.

Really likes boobs, loves them even, regardless of size that’s his vice.

Has amnesia but has next to no interest in finding any more info than the broad strokes of things when it comes to his past.

[babyloniastreasure]

https://www.tumblr.com/thegoodthegrandandtheugly/737819072394412032

Looking at that confession as Urukian lover and Mahabros lover I am torn between

"those fights are dope this is gameplay adaptation you can't expect them to be historically accurate" and

"I also think the distance that Fate franchise put between Gil and Enkidu is ridiculous these two's PDA are downright insufferable in the epic also getting tired with Fate pointlessly chaining Karna Arjuna on the hip while refuse to explore their relationship with Kauravas and Pandavas seriously why did you make Duryodhana and Bhima summonable servants and still fujobaiting 2 brothers who geniunely hate each other before they get the whole murdery outta their system"

There is definitely a delicate balance between the way Fate depicts fights between certain characters and how those fights would have gone outside of Fate's characterization. Fate, however, tends to lean only on its own writing and very rarely takes the source material into account, which means we should probably keep our expectations low and remember that this is not going to be accurate to begin with

For that reason I don't have any strong feelings about how Gilgamesh and Enkidu's/Junao and Super Karna's fights were depicted. Like, I understand where the frustration comes from, because I'm a huge advocate for accuracy and wish Fate would be more accurate. I've rambled about inaccuracies re: The Epic of Gilgamesh and Fate many a time. But within Fate's own characterization, it makes WAY more sense for Gilgamesh and Enkidu to fight at long range than it would be for them to wrestle. Gilgamesh is an Archer who is big and flashy and likes to make a show out of his power. He can't very well do that when he's up close and personal with someone. He honed his technique and this is how he chooses to fight at his peak of power. Likewise, Enkidu is going to try and best Gilgamesh at his own game--which is a ranged battle. They are both dramatic show offs, constantly trying to best the other and gloriously as possible. But for them it's more like a game, it's admiration, its nostalgic. So they'll fight in a way that allows them to see the full power of the other and take all of that in as much as possible. You can see much more of your beloved in all of his glory when you're looking at him from a distance.

The same goes for Junao vs Karna fighting in melee rather than at range. It makes sense given the characterization and context. They want to kick each other's ass so very, very badly, and it's much more fulfilling to settle a lifelong grudge when you're right up in your opponent's face when you deal those heavy blows. When you're fighting that close to someone, there's tension, there's desperation, there's emotion. You feel your weapon crash against and cut through your opponent, you don't get that with ranged fights. It's deeper, its more satisfying, it's more devastating. Junao and Karna have deeply personal feelings and reasons for fighting each other, it's more fitting for them to demonstrate their resolve and prove their power while looking the other directly in the eye.

That face-to-face desperation also creates a higher risk because neither Junao NOR Karna are typically close-range combatants. Karna is mid range at best, but even still his style is typically getting in close to the enemy so they cant use ranged attacks against him. Considering this, if Karna is getting in close, Junao would have to retaliate at the same close range. And we know Arjuna/Junao is skilled with any manner of weapons and combat styles, so it's not exactly inaccurate for him to be able to fight Karna at close range anyway.

I suppose it's less about historical accuracy or artistic depiction, and more about looking at how the Fate characters fight and how they'd react to whoever made the first move in that fight. Because again, this is Fate. Neither the characters themselves nor their Fate-narratives are accurate. Why would they bother with historical accuracy now?

But perhaps I have read too much into it or missed the point altogether lmao

In my humble opinion, we as Fate fans need to stop comparing Fate's adaptation of heroes to their source material, because we only hurt ourselves by doing so. As unfortunate as that is

I do agree that Arjuna and Karna should stop being so attached at the hip though. I'd love nothing more than to see their relationships with other Mahabharata servants flourish independently of the other. We can only hope that one day Yudhishthira will become summonable and bring balance to Chaldea

[witchie-writings]

I see the Arbiter x Reader request and raise you: Rtas ‘Vadum x Reader?

i kid you not this was one of the hardest asks because i dont want Rtas 'Vadum to be like the Arbiter so some things might be OOC i'm so sorry-

but plz guys request more rtas' vadum x reader's bc he's secretly one of my faves

Rtas' Vadum HCs:

For Rtas', he shares a lot of similarities with the Arbiter, but I imagine Rtas' is more passionate about his feelings, and in general more open about them.

As an example, how he treats his men. The Arbiter could care less, but Rtas' showed geniune care and concern for even the grunts, which puts him apart from a lot of commanders within the Covenant itself.

When he finally ends up with you (defaulting to human!), he is no doubt overly protective. You are so much shorter than he is; you are no spartan, you are frail, prone to injury, and vulnerable. Rtas' sees it as his duty to guard you at all costs, and he takes his job VERY seriously. He always wants to be by your side, which can become suffocating rather quickly.

Yeah don't expect a lot of affection from this guy, it's rare than with Chief and the Arbiter, even when it comes to nicknames and saying 'I love you'.

Rtas' is very blunt and open about his opinions and what would be the best choice of action, so he might hurt your own feelings, albeit he never means to harm you. He's just worried about you; he wants only the best to someone who he holds so dearly to his beating hearts, even if it means he must resort to difficult actions you'll have issues with.

This sangheili will take time out his day to train you in the way of energy swords and daggers. He'll gift you your own personal weapons, and try his damn hardest to teach you everything he knows. The height, size, and weight different is a challenge in it's own right, but it taught Rtas' to be creative in his training; he learns new ways for you to use your height to take advantage of a much larger foe, and how to blind them in case you must make a quick escape.

Now I said physical affection and affection through words is rare for Rtas', but there will be rare instances where, when he's commanding ships and on the hunt for the flood, he'll let you take a seat on his lap to look out into the distant space. He'll have an arm lazily draped over your shoulders as you take in the dazzling sight. And then, he'll feel him rest his head on top of yours, mumbling a quiet "I love you."

Honestly, if you're the big nerd type to know so much lore and history, the sangheili will be pleasantly interested in what you have to offer. He'll let you ramble on for hours about random stories you've read or heard; his most favorite was the one with transforming robots, or called 'Cybertronians'. He wonders where they could potentially be found so that they can have an honorable fight.

Also I completely forgot to add in the last point, Rtas' will also teach you how to use a Ghost. He doesn't like the idea of you having to rely on one, but it's a caution.

Like John, he also has a secret plushie collection. You can often find them in his own personal quarters, which only you and him have access to. Rtas' only collects those that you give to him, so don't expect him to go out of his way to purchase an animal plush on a human colony. His favorite is of the giraffe plushie you got him when you first confessed to him.

Is not the jealous type... so he says. He's actually prone to jealousy, slighty more than John is. It confuses him to no end on what this burning feeling is in his hearts, or why the urge to confront your conversation partner is so painfully strong. He's unable to resist for long and soon enough, he's standing behind you, growling and demanding what information they're trying to get from you.

Yeah, that sends him running, and earns Rtas' a scolding.

[deafmatteo]

hi hi so first i really love your writing, it’s so comforting and lovely, and i look forward to every little bit of it!

and idk if you’ve already answered something like this but i was wondering about your thoughts on skam france season 5?

hello, thank u! 🖤🖤🖤

and i have talked a bit about skam france s5 when i was watching it live but im more than happy to talk about it again & put all of my thoughts into one post JFJSJD.

let me just put a disclaimer here for abuse, both personal & what was shown in the season. also adding a read more because this got LONG, i am so sorry. i talk a lot </3 (ignore the spelling errors, i literally woke up and saw this anon and jumped out of bed to answer dflkgjkdlg)

also! i talk about deafness as a disability in this but that’s my own personal experience & what was written into the season. we know arthur sees it as a disability because he was raised in a hearing society as a hearing person. not all D/deaf people believe this!! this isn’t universal.

first things first, i just wanted to let people know these feelings come from a very personal place. i lost my hearing similarly to arthur — i was beaten as a young child and as the years have gone on and i’ve grown, my hearing has gotten worse. i was hard of hearing with mild to moderate hearing loss in both ears and now i call myself deaf because i have severe hearing loss in my left ear & i am completely deaf in my right ear. (don’t worry about being apologetic or anything! i’m very open about how i lost my hearing because although it’s sad & traumatic, it’s talking about how trauma and disabilities are often more intertwined than people realize. you don’t ever see a disabled person thriving in their natural environment. you see traumatized disabled people learning how to survive.)

i don’t have problems with how arthur lost his hearing. i think it’s a very important story to tell & it’s one that does occur — even if people don’t recognize it. it added to the fear and isolation he felt during his season because he was suddenly extremely disconnected from his peers and the people he called his best friends.

i also absolutely ADORE noee and camille. having a Deaf* woman who was as sassy and blunt and straight-forward as she was is a good thing. people often talk about how D/deaf individuals can come across as rude or unattentive or too blunt and it can be true but when people often talk about it, they do it in a rude/offensive manner! noee did it in a manner that wasn’t stereotypical and felt real. she also had the distain towards hearing people because they continually traumatized & belittled her and they showed that in a way that you knew was justified. she had been hurt by these people and she knew what arthur was experiencing, hence why she was so warm around him. having a Deaf love interest who wasn’t a hearing-people pleaser or someone who needed approval from hearing people was so good because it helped add layers of her own identity that the audience may not even realize exists.

camille as well. having a hard of hearing gay (queer? i can’t remember what he labelled himself as) person on screen without fetishism or trauma porn was refreshing. that doesn’t happen and seeing it was?? amazing. he was able to have fun, be himself, etc. also him acting as a connector between noee and arthur is a reality as well. he exists inbetween both of their worlds and while it’s clear that he is comfortable and okay with it, it’s a reality that often stems into feelings of anger and hurt. (as shown in arthur!) it’s good to see a hard of hearing person who doesn’t feel ostracized from the Deaf community & or the hearing community. he’s just vibing!

the isolation that arthur felt. the lonelines, the pain, the fear—all of it is a reality of the situation he was in. even with his friends attempting to support him in the ways they knew how, he still felt alone. having noee and camille there was such a good!! good thing!!! to have. the way noee criticized his friends, the way ARTHUR eventually yelled at them (especially lucas, like wtf was up his ass), the growth of arthur from clinging onto his fantasy world and accepting himself. i geniunely enjoyed these aspects.

NOW ONTO MY CRITICISMS.

my biggest one is the abuse clip. it was absolutely unnecessary for them to include the audio (and the shadowing) of arthur’s violent abuse. i understand they needed to potray his dad’s behaviours but there were many other ways to go about it that doesn’t re-traumatize people. i rarely rarely get triggered by things due to desensitization & repression and this made me extremely nauseous and it caused me to spiral into memories of my own abuse. yes, i understand the story of arthur’s dad being the villain and contributing to the trauma. no, it did not need to be done in this way.

also the way it was brushed aside & arthur forgave him after the car accident. i know it’s contributing to the cycle of abuse and it will continue after the seasons have passed but i think it should have had more fear, confusion or anger. we could see that arthur hated his father, just by how he constantly attempted to fight back and argue. i understand that it was him acting from a place of survival and trying to mediate to make things calmer but this is his perspective—we could have felt the underlying emotions or seen a brief moment where arthur let his anger take over when he was alone. the abuse was written solely for hearing people. it was trauma porn. it was used as a way to make people feel sorry for arthur and to weaken him. it wasn’t written as integrated into the plot as it should have been and was brought up only to deter the plot away from his cheating. it was one of the things that made it clear the plot was more written for hearing people than for deaf people.

(again, it’s not the actual story i’m criticizing. it’s how they integrated it.)

the second was noee using her voice to essentially beg arthur to love her. using her voice was a moment of vulnerability and fear that they could have either: a. used in a different manner or b. not included at ALL. i am an oral deaf person—i was raised in a hearing environment & i went to speech thrapy for many, many years. i use my voice a lot. however, whenever i am without my hearing aid and i am tired, i don’t often use my voice because i am insecure about my deaf accent.

noee doesn’t use her voice at all. she has talked about how using only sign language gives her power and stregethnes her identity in a way that the hearing world would never be able to. it was a pivotal moment of her own identity and growth and they threw it out the window to tell arthur she loved him. he rejected her so she used her voice, something that reminds her of her trauma and pain, to beg him to love her back.

another is how alexia said that she wasn’t wired to love disabled people. i love alexia as well, except for this alone was enough to hurt my opinion of her. it’s a reality of abled people—they often act like loving a disabled person is more work and view disabled people as less than to avoid seeing them as potential lovers/friends/etc. my main problem is the fact it wasn’t ever properly addressed and they used it as a plot device after she had been nothing but loving and supportive to arthur during the beginning of his journey. she was so, so loving and caring and they could have used to as a way to talk about how relationships and perspective changes rather having her just be straight up ableist.

when arthur first got his hearing aids, he got smaller ones that were less visible to avoid having other people see. this is a big example of internalized ableism and is a very important point but they never touched on it again. i think it would have been more personal and monumental of his growth to have him go back & change the hearing aids he uses to better aid him in his day-to-day rather than aid his desire to be hearing-passing. i just wanted to see continuation of this.

the love triangle. ABSOLUTELY USELESS. i love both alexia and noee as love interests. they are well-developed women who both had vulnerable moments in the season where they talked about their insecurities and were vulnerable and still had arthur reject/use them both. this is more of a fandom criticism but the love triangle was used solely to demonize noee while they continued to put arthur on a pedestal. the season could have gone either/or with them as love interests or not at all. the season was meant to focus on his journey as a now disabled person and the love triangle took up a large portion of that.

(don’t think i’ve forgotten about people calling others fatphobic/biphobic for preferring noee as a love interest)

this isn’t entirely a criticism but a good point to note. i don’t think skam france had a plan in regards to season five when they casted arthur but he should have been played by a hard of hearing person and there should have been foreshadowing in the earlier seasons for this. i think arthur’s actor did a fantastic job with the content he was given but it would have been a bit more personal if played by a truly deaf/hoh person. noee’s actress talked about this! she said how good of an opportunity it was for season five to occur because it’s extremely rare for deaf people to get opportunities and casting designed for them. having a main actress talk about this and still having the main actor being abled is a bit? bad taste. i just think it’s a product of lack of planning, is all.

ALSO THE CAR CRASH????? this isn’t a big criticism, i’m just like HUH? me & arthur really out hear being deaf and getting hit by cars ig. arthur kinnie

*definitions that add as to why i use deaf & Deaf in this piece.*

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

Head Storm.

If i don't take minute to write these things down they just weigh so heavy. where do i begin.

i'm frustrated.

sometimes its like a repeating nightmare. Its me and brian and we are on a 13 hour flight to Germany. this double decker plane is huge and filled with strangers and i cant see their faces. i know our destination is a long way away. im tired. and there we are in the middle row. u next to me and me on the isle. We're sharing your blue ipod with music i never really listen to and this is the moment im stuck in.

for a minute my body goes into drive. at first you think the dream would play out as i remember, but this isnt a memory its a dream and now that im more aware- more awake within the dream; im always asking myself.

why am i here? wheres juan? wheres julian? (thats right this is a dream/ im sleeping)

and i realize im meant to doo something. and i go and look at brian and its not the same. i can barely see his face and i no longer remeber the sound of his voice. its as if im stuck in my seat.

the dream is almost paused- as i struggle to put these pieces of the real memory back together. its like im waiting. im waiting for brian to speak first. im just sitting here. on this plane.

i went to russia in 2005. the trip was from philly airport to germany than germany to russia.

it was for a youth peace team mission. we met up with kids our age over there and talked about religion and life. it wasnt just us two- we had a team of our friends and it was amazing.

It was the first time i had left the country- it was the first time i had flown without my mom. first time i felt homesick. the first time i saw how big the world really is. how there is so much to see and so much going on. it was an experience.

i never knew Demisexual was a thing. (The term 'demisexual' comes from the concept being described as being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. ... The gray-A spectrum usually includes individuals who very rarely experience sexual attraction; they experience it only under specific circumstances.)

i didnt even know what sexual was- i was young naive and anything i did know about sex and beauty most likely came from the wrong place. i managed to get all the way to freshman year of highschool without really relationships that included sexual and non sexual.

freshman year was horrible. i was the new girl becuase i didnt attend the same middle school as the other kids and my prior school was MUCH smaller than the highschool i went to. but i was excited for the change. i asked for the change.

its easy to say "well idk?" when u have lack of experience. Idk why i was single so long. idk why i never wanted a bf. idk why i have never kissed anyone idk? idk? idk? (...now i know) my first thoughts were always like omg maybe noone wanted to kiss me? maybe im the weird one. less desired. not wanted. i was the problem. i imagined my body was less than perfect and i guess my attitude and demenor wasnt the dating type (lies) i just felt weird and alone.

sometimes people cant make a sexual connection unless they have an emotional connection with someone as well. it isnt prude it isnt wierd its just how it works (literally) the better and more i get to know you i can finally start feeling any real connection at all especially sexually.

this new demisexual wasnt even a thing until i was half way through my twenties...THAT and pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.) people would ask "well whats ur type?!" idk id say?? i didnt even realize internally i found both sexs appealing. not even just sexs just ANYone. hearts not parts we say now.

i was basiclly lost ,frustrated and didnt understand a damn thing about myself.

brian and i were friends. we went to the same church- we lived in the same town. our families knew each other. it was a very safe space for me. i didnt think brian liked me. ( i didnt think ANYONE liked me; that way anyway) i had guy friends i had girl friends i just felt like we were all at the same level. most my girl friends had kissed people, most had bfs; same with the guys. i just didnt... it wasnt that i didnt like brian- i just had no idea what any of this stuff was. how to even begin "liking someone" i wasnt stupid - i was scared? i felt scared. worried that becase i hadnt had the experiences - that i wasnt good at ANY of it. i got to know brian because he was around. youth group trips and church events ; school- we were always hanging around each other.

i was never a physical person. honestly self pleasure was the only pleasure i knew and i thought id be going to hell for masturbating so theres that complex. a secret i held tight forever.

i didnt know the more i talked and was around brian i would fall inlove with him. people SAYYY that- but in my world it was a must. it was inevitable. as long as he was open with me and vulnerable- i began to want him.

he was my first kiss. and he let me kiss him. it might of seemed innocent ( i mean it was really) but it was big for me. the only person in the world i had let in. and he was ready to reak havoc on my new world. kisses lead to make outs- making out lead to sex- and that was that. id say i was his or he was mine but i guess we were each others. i wasnt ready to do this with anyone else. i didnt think i even could. it took so long for brian to become this person for me. i was..postive; id make this love last a life time. but that wasnt the case it was a rocky 3 years but at the end of it i personally learned alot.

i still didnt know all that i said above. on my rocky one relationship road... i was frustrated. i didnt know these things existed and while life seemed easy for brian- it was not for me. i struggled and argued with myself resulting in very poor communication with brian leading to only end in sight. if i wasnt making an emotional connection with my person then it had to be the opposite; i wasnt interested at all. almost the opposite- i felt nothing.

i let the hurt find its way in- i let it block any form of fix. the emotions were turned off. and the result was sexless.

i went on a rampage and found a random lover. Peter was ..peter. i didnt know him prior to meeting him- i barely knew much about him at all. all i knew was i was numb and needed to feel again. ( now if only i had known who i was i would of tried to build and talk through these emotions, break some walls down. reopen the lines. reconnect and succeed. but i didnt know that. all i knew was i was hurting and i nolonger had my person- i wanted to feel again.) i wouldnt even say i was attracted to peter. i really wasnt "looking" at all. i wasnt looking with my eyes or my heart.

i was already pretty good at hurting myself just plain jane. but this was a whole different world. what if i could just have sex and not care. just do it and live. just feel something. and i did it. i found peter and yeah we had sex. i was postive i didnt want a relationship ( i was heading down the wrong road in the wrong direction WITH no directions) it was a mess. a mess that didnt last long (thankfully)

i look back at it now and would like to have lunch with peter. although im sure im a spek of nothing in his life stream; he was a pretty big rock in mine. mainly to say sorry. sorry for using him. more sorry that i had no intentions at all. i was a shell of person and im sorry he never got the chance to meet the true me. cuz im not that person at all. and i think he was geniune and we could of learned alot from each other.

i am 30 years old now and still to this day brian and peter are the only people ive slept with except my current husband.

ive trusted 2 (brian and juan) of those souls with my heart. my whole heart. ive been with them to the extent i lost myself. my body has craved them and known them. and they will forever have a piece of me. they took with them what insecurities i had and threw them out the window. i was engulfed and loved and it didnt stop. i had alot of sex with brian as i currently have alot of sex with juan (my husband)

if i had known who i was then i would of talked to more people. resulting in more meaningful connections. resulting in more stories and experiences to tell about. girls guys gays all different kinds of souls i would of touched and danced with. but i didnt know what i know now.

time has given me the learning ive neeeded and now i know alot.

as my nightmare continues its me and brian sitting on a 13 hour plane. i want to ask him how he is, and what hes doing. what other souls hes experienced and what life is like for him now. we would laugh and joke and unerstand that life goes on and although we are not lovers any longer we wouldnt be who we are without having known each other. on this plane its noone but us. reality doesnt hit because its just a distraction and we just want to catch up.

its like a clock is ticking and were anxious. as if he too knows this is a dream, a mear astroprojection into a memory. and noone talks. we both stay silent. its almost like i cant breathe.. its almost like im drowning.

i havent spoken to brian in atleast 10 years possibly. not a single word. across the universe is a soul i once loved wholefully and now were strangers. i think a piece of me hurts still today. like a lost limb. how can i go through life and succeed at only making connections that count when my first connection is fried and dead.

how do i begin to process the things i now understand when one small piece of me is gravitating through space.

i was told not to long ago that you are infact alive. simply living- trying to stay to urself.

as this new person i am. as i am learning and growing. you were a big part of who i was- i wish u could see who ive become. my soul acknowledges your absence and i am aware of it.

i hope love and light find you on ur dark days. and that you follow that light to become whoever you are meant to be.

[asktemmie-frisk]

The Tragic Past of a Megalomaniac (ゴッドモードアーク (Goddomodoaku)) (God-mode Arc)

The pain of the amalgamate invading his body and his brain was so extreme, Frisk simply screamed continuously. He couldn't stop himself. His tears flowed like water as he fell unconscious with his eyes open, and was thrown back into his mindscape. Frisk was scared and confused. He couldn't stay still. He desperately clawed around for a way out, trying to wake himself up. He was in a room of pure white, and he couldn't force a way out of the place. "Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work." Talrok said, fading into the room. "You. What the fuck did you do, y-" Frisk was stopped by a barrier Talrok erected before Frisk could get to his face. "Please be quiet. I brought you here so we could talk. In private. Alone." Frisk's anger skyrocketed. "Calm down, already. We're not going anywhere unless I get to speak to you." Frisk couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was stuck in his mindscape unless he gave up. Frisk simply sat down and yielded to Talrok's demands. "Fine. You wanna talk? Let's talk." "Thank you. I knew I could speak to you about this. Now, what one of your friends said to me seems to mean that you guys believe you know my plan. Now I bet you want to know what drove me to this." "No, but I don't have anything better to do anymore, so you might as well say it. Why are you like this?" "It started when I was about 19 years old. I was experimenting on new sources of power. I was trying to make, or at least discover, a new, alternative energy source. I was working with a monster that didn't get trapped underground. Their name was Leo. They were a kind, cat-like monster. They were my best friend. We went through many types of experiments together. Until one day, they made something that would extract something they and the monsters called 'determination'. They were planning on finding a human body, taking it, and extracting the determination from it. They ran off excitedly, when suddenly, I accidentally pressed the button, and the nozzle sucked them up, and placed them onto the extraction table. I tried desperately to stop the machine from taking my best friend away from me, but no matter what I did, the machine ended up taking every last ounce of magic out of Leo." Talrok started to tear up. "Leo told me one last thing before they disappeared forever: 'don't stop our research. Keep moving forward, no matter the cost. Even if everyone has to die.' I promised my friend I would keep learning about magic and determination, so I did. I discovered a species called magicians. They were humans that could use magic. I wondered what would happen if I injected magic within me. Would I be able to use it, or would nothing happen? It was the biggest mistake I had ever made. When I injected Leo's magic within me, it wasn't just an experiment. It was a way to keep the memory of my dearest friend next to my heart, which is actually exactly where I intended to inject myself. I never knew exactly where my soul was, but for some reason, my soul took the hit instead. It absorbed Leo's magic, and my entire body writhed about in pain. I was seizing up as the magic flowed through my very soul. Then, their memories flooded my mind. Every last one, from start to finish. I found out that Leo didn't just think of me as a friend. They were in love with me. I never once knew I would feel the same way until after they died. I was heartbroken; my best friend and I were in love with each other, and we couldn't even tell each other until it was too late. After the pain subsided, I cried as I just laid down, wanting to die. I cried for hours, mourning the loss of the one I loved. I would never see them again, hear them again, be with them again." Talrok broke out in tears. "It was the worst day of my life. I couldn't bring myself to keep going, so I tried to jump off of a cliff. But as I lept, I started floating above the watery abyss. I didn't realize it until I heard a gull calling out to me. I was startled. I didn't know what was happening, so I screamed as I tried to make my way back to the shoreline. When I got back, I was thoroughly traumatized. I couldn't believe I was floating. At first, I couldn't make sense of it. I asked myself why I was floating. Then I remembered the experiment I did. I ran back to my lab as fast as I could. When I got back, I looked at my research as thoroughly as possible. Then I found a paper wrote about the possible effects of magic on the human soul. We hypothesized that humans couldn't take massive amounts of magic, or they would die. We also alternatively suggested that if by any statistically minute chance a human were to survive having an extreme amount of magic injected into their soul, the experience would be so intense and painful that the soul itself would adapt by instead becoming a vessel for more souls, which in turn would cause its owner to lose their humanity while being unable to become a monster as well, making them a hybrid species. However, I also believed that the only way for a human soul to adapt in such a manner would be if the soul was actually that of a magician, but I couldn't find even a single trace of evidence that I may have been born a magician. I called this way of unity between human and monster a 'perfect hybrid'. For years, I thought I would be the only one to claim such a title. But then one day, the monsters left the mountain. I was curious as to how or why they were all leaving until I remembered the prophecy that was put in place by the magicians of the past: one day, an angel will descend from the surface, and they will make the underground go empty. I originally thought it meant the monsters would become extinct, but you proved the exact opposite. Instead of killing the monsters, you set them free. So then, I went back to my lab, and read the book pertaining to what happened in the war. I read it from start to finish over and over until I noticed a page that was somehow stuck to another, initially preventing me from reading it. After some effort, I found that the prophecy involving the monsters' freedom was not the only prediction those wizards created. They created a prophecy involving the world's fate as well. That one said that two beings that are both monster and human born will cleanse their species of their sins of the past. I thought that simply meant they would kill everyone. Then I looked further, and noticed something strange. A picture of a boy with the appearance of a temmie, and a picture of a girl that bore resemblance to an astigmatism. Their names were also unsettling to me. Both of their names were neutral in gender, yet seemingly opposite in nature. The boy peaceful, and the girl violent. We both know who fills those roles." "Chara and I. But the thing is we're both pretty violent." "Yes. The names that I saw were in fact Frisk and Chara, respectively. At first, I was terrified. I couldn't believe that two children would be in charge of the fate of the world. It would rest in their hands. I decided to make it so neither you nor Chara would have to decide the fate of this world by turning every last human into monsters. That way, you could be with the people you were born with, the people you both relate to most. The prophecy spoke of both children receiving neglect and abuse from humans, so I figured if humans were the problem, I'll simply make them all go away by turning them all into monsters! Then I could make it so they wouldn't want to destroy anything if they were around monsters that actually like being around them. Don't you get it? What I did to you and Chara, what I'm doing right now. I'm not just doing it for you, I'm doing it because of you. I wanted you both to be around people who will accept you for who you are, and not what you look like. Do you know how rare it is for the sun to shine on something new? How rare it is for a human to actually embrace what's different? To embrace change? To embrace monsterkind? Frisk, you have power over the monsters, and yet you choose to do nothing with it. You converse with the humans to integrate the monsters back into their society. That is your power: unity. You've got to use that power to help me bring my plan to fruition. You've got to use that power to help me show people the truth about monster-human relations. Humans were never meant to have dominance over monsters; it was supposed to be the exact opposite. Humans are disgusting, insensitive, ignorant, cruel and dangerous. Monsters, however, are kind, gentle, accepting, patient and understanding. The way of the monsters are what humanity should aspire to be, and all they do is toxify their home and their people." "Monsters aren't innocent either. Some of them act geniunely hostile towards humans, which makes it harder on me. Others only act like it because they're scared of what humans will do to them." "They have every right to be scared! Humans have went unchanged for millennia when it comes to attitude, so of course they would put themselves above all others species! They do this because they believe humanity is the apex of creation. They are wrong. With your support, I can teach everyone the truth." "What 'truth' could you possibly teach them?" "Come with me, and I'll show you." Frisk followed Talrok in the mindscape, who led him to a dark area. Then Talrok showed him something: a mirror. "Do you see this right there, Frisk?" He said. "Yeah. What about it?" "What about it? What about it?! This mirror right here can show you your greatest desires. It's said that the happiest man in the world would only see his reflection because he will already have his greatest desires. As for you, Frisk, can you safely say you're the happiest man in the world?" "No I can't, and guess who I have to blame for it?" "Ah, I see. Look into the mirror, and you'll see your greatest desire." Frisk begrudgingly followed Talrok's orders, and then he started seeing visions. Frisk really was seeing what he desired most of all. What he yearned for most...was a normal life. He wanted to be like everybody else. He wanted to be with his parents again. He wanted them to go with him as he went to school. He wanted them to just be there for him. He even wanted them to see him on his wedding day. Frisk imagined himself at the altar, wedding bells chiming, beautious white petals fluttering in the wind, welcoming a brand-new relationship into the world. "Oh..my God. I...I can see it. Me, just like everybody else." Frisk started crying. "I just wanted to be normal...to be ordinary. I didn't ask to be like this." Then the mindscape went blank as Frisk regained consciousness in the real world. Frisk cried for real this time. He let out a loud wail of misery and woe, unable to handle the pain anymore. Talrok instructed the amalgamate to let go of him, which it did by taking itself off of Frisk. Frisk simply fell onto his knees, sobbing. "I just...want to be normal. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. I want to be human again." Talrok came to him to give him comfort, confirming that due to Frisk's emotions being fragile, his spell worked perfectly. "There, there, Frisk." Talrok said, giving the poor temmie a shoulder to cry on. "It's not your fault you're like this. You were born this way. All I did was tell you the truth. You did nothing wrong." Frisk didn't know it, but he was under Talrok's control now. He was a mindslave to the mad scientist. "Listen to me, Frisk. I know you've had some nasty twists and turns, and I know you don't want this power, but it's okay. With a little help, I'm certain you can mold your abilities into whatever you want them to be. And Rhonda and I will support you every step of the way." Talrok let out a devious smile while he looked Frisk in the eyes. "Now do you understand? What I showed you, your greatest desire, I want to help you achieve it. I want to help you live in a world where everyone is like you, and accepts you. A world where no one would EVER judge you for your looks." Frisk started drying his tears. "Okay. Fine. If you can't fix this...then would you please show me how to control it?" "Thank you. I'll show you, but first, lie down and hold still. If you feel something, don't react at all." Talrok had the amalgamate from earlier infest Frisk again, only this time, it got to Frisk's soul. The magic and determination in Frisk's body reacted to the amalgamate so much, Frisk was in a trance. Talrok could make him do whatever he wanted. "Well? Do you like what you're feeling right now, Frisk?" "Whatever this is, it feels great. My entire body feels amazing. And my mind. My goodness. Talrok, I...I get it now." "I see. Now that you know what it acceptance feels like, everything should become clear to you." "Humanity exists...to serve monsterkind. Isn't that right?" "Yes, it is. Now, let's make you look more...distinguished." The amalgamate went inside Frisk's body and changed it inside and out. Now Frisk had a constant supply of magic and determination, and he had some (admittedly) snazzy clothes to boot. "Now, Frisk, you look so much better! No more of the humble appearance. Now you look fit for a king! I'm so proud of you!" "Thanks!" Talrok succeeded. He got Frisk on his side. That's what he intended. Suddenly, Noah burst through a door, looking for Talrok. "Talrok, Chara and her people are coming to look for Frisk." "Chara's coming?" Frisk croaked. "Yes. But not today. Tomorrow. She'll be looking for Frisk." "That fucking bitch." "Why don't you take care of her, 'son'?" Talrok said warmly. "You got it...'dad'." Frisk then pulled Rhonda toward his face. "Oh, don't tell me you're still upset with me." Frisk gave her a kiss on the cheek and hugged her. "Mom, I'm sorry for my behavior. I won't make that mistake again. That I can promise." Rhonda felt flattered by what she was hearing. "It's okay. Now come with us, hun. Mommy and daddy are going to teach you how to use your magic." "Yes, mom." Frisk was completely under their control. He couldn't fight back, no matter how much he wanted to. He was going to become a living weapon disguised as a puppet. He seemed doomed to remain that way.