#very happy bc it has such a pretty cover that i want on my bookshelf :3

[suappang]

i finally found my copy of the odyssey that i have been (not so actively) looking for for the past two years

[shions-songbirds]

Todokami Rambles

Okay!! I’ve been meaning to get on this for awhile now, so here we are. It’s been awhile since I’ve worked with todokami so if this is a bit choppy that’s why.  {Post writing edit: this is so long, I’m so sorry}

@todorokitops this is for you 

The way it would start is simple, honestly. Kaminari’s a friendly guy, and Todoroki is already friends with some of the Bakusquad, namely Sero and Bakugou, so really, there’s no reason for him not to try and make friends with him 

So Kaminari approaches him in an attempt to make friends, and Todoroki has grown a lot since the sports festival arc, so he’s not going to deny one of his classmates

Especially not one he knows is capable, as is evident by him choosing him to be on his team for the cavalry battle

So he engages, why not, boy needs more friends

And Kaminari is genuine and sweet, and Todoroki can’t deny that having some additional company around is pretty nice, plus, well, Kaminari is very touchy, and he’s very touch starved, so it’s nice

Especially because the thing about Kaminari is his emotional and interpersonal intelligence is insane

He could read anyone pretty well, and once he’s friends with someone, they���re an open book

Thus, he has a level of understanding about Todoroki that few can compare to, even his closest friends 

And being able to get his feelings and thoughts across without having to be the most articulate about it? With someone who’s bad with words, bad at explaining his own feelings due to so long being distanced from them? There’s nothing like it (more below the cut)

Needless to say, they get on well

Kaminari brings Todoroki into things, which isn’t to say that his friends don’t, they do, but Kaminari likes to drag him into impromptu sleepovers and movie nights, random snack raids and oh my god wait you didn’t have a childhood we gotta do dumb shit hours

And if Todoroki has nothing else to do, well, he lets it happen

So they end up spending a lot of time together

And though Kaminari doesn’t know the specifics of his trauma, he clued in pretty quick that it was there, and that it was tied to his father

He has no intention of prying into Todoroki’s past, if/when he wants to tell him, he will, but it helps to know where he needs to tread carefully

Which is good for the both of them

Now, these boy, these absolute fools, would not realize they’re into each other 

Frankly, I don’t think most of their class could without some outside intervention, they’re all oblivious as hell with things like this

I imagine they get a lot of shit and gentle prods from their friends like, hey, get a room, stop flirting with each other in front of my salad, tell us about your crush!! 

Which always leads to quick and dismissive “oh haha, I’m not into him”s, “you’re misreading our friendship, we’re just buds”s, etc, etc

These two just do not realize they’re into each other

Kaminari platonically flirts with everyone, that’s how his friendship is, if he isn’t jokingly flirting with someone (who is comfortable with it), well, are they really even friends? 

And Todoroki just... doesn’t know how to recognize what he’s feeling, how to put a name to the tumultuous emotions swirling around in his chest, because yes, this feels different from how he feels with Iida, or Midoriya, or Uraraka, but to be fair, Midoriya had felt different from everyone too. He thinks it’s just a new kind of feeling friendship can produce. He doesn’t think much more into it. 

It’s only when the teasing and the questions get more common that either of them realize that wait, this might be something more than I’m making it out to be 

Kaminari is the first to realize this, the first to think oh, wait, what I’m feeling for him might be hitting a bit different than what I feel for my friends 

Which immediately leads to some resigned Pining, bc there’s no way class pretty boy Todoroki Shouto would ever be interested in him, and frankly, no amount of love for the other boy is worth jeopardizing their friendship

Todoroki doesn’t have many friends, and he would rather die before he made it awkward and made Todoroki lose one of them

Meanwhile, when Todoroki eventually realizes it, after multiple talks with the other members of the dekusquad, he decides there’s no way in hell he;s confessing, especially not when Kaminari has no idea just how messed up he and his home life are

He decides he has to tell him

Even though, unlike back when he was telling Midoriya, he has everything to lose, there’s danger, there’s risk, he can’t stomach the thought of hiding it, even though it’s a struggle to stomach letting another person in on his troubled childhood

Still, he drags Kaminari into his room, and he confesses everything, every sordid detail of his childhood, and he’s scared, he’s so scared, he could damage one of his dearest friendships

When he’s done, Kaminari doesn’t say anything for a moment, just stares at him, takes in the subtle shake in his shoulders, the way his eyes are averted, hooked on his hands, and asks, gently, if he can hug him

Pulls him in close and tight, and asks, another question, one that he asserts it’s perfectly fine if Todoroki doesn’t answer

He asks him why  why did he tell him

And Todoroki grips Kaminari tighter, his fingers digging into his clothes, nails almost biting through the thick fabric

“Because I didn’t think I was allowed to feel anything for you if you didn’t know” 

The room is silent once more, Todoroki’s grip slackens, and he tries to pull away, but Kaminari holds firm. He knows what Todoroki just confessed, the vague terms don’t confuse or give him pause, he knows this boy. He knows how to read him. He knows what that means

He moves back so he can make eye contact with Todoroki, a massive grin on his face, looking a little disbelieving but ultimately incredibly pleased

“I have feelings for you too”

These two take awhile to work through their emotions

And for Todoroki that’s a lot of “I don’t know how to say this in a way that makes sense” and Kaminari’s gentle and understanding “you just say it and I’ll make sense of it, say the words, I’ll paint the picture”

and they do

They work out everything that needs working out, and decide, well, how about a date? To cement everything

And if you think their first date isn’t ice skating, you’re wrong

I have an age old joke with my friend from back when I first got into bnha that Todoroki is only going into the hero business to fund being a professional ice skater because his father would never financially back that and look, costumes and training are expensive, but anyway that’s not here nor there

Ice skating holds a fond place in Todoroki’s heart, a piece of his childhood uncorrupted, and he decides that he simply must share this with Kaminari

Kaminari who does not know how to ice skate

It’s a bit of a mess, but even with the falls, and the bruises, and the accidentally dragging each other down to the floor, it’s fun, and it’s the best first date either of them could’ve asked for 

After that, it’s a lot of cuddles and teaching Todoroki how to play video games, finding out where and how they fit in with each other

They share pieces of their lives, they teach each other new things, and it’s good, it’s so good

Kaminari likes buying Todoroki plushies and things he’d never admit he was into

Todoroki likes buying Kaminari expensive things, and probably definitely overdoing it on certain things, because oh, a small company isn’t too big a price, is it? Noo, that’s Just Normal Courtship Things

They definitely adopt a cat and some rats together when they’re older

Because cats are wonderful and rats are actual angels 

And they have walls haphazardly covered in photos of themselves and of friends, all in a patchwork array, reminding Todoroki every day of everything he never thought he’d have 

Tucked in a corner of the bedroom is a shelf of things that were a total waste of money, and a bookshelf filled with goofy manga and classic American and English literature, a few sappy romance novels littering the shelves

And they’re happy, because what could be better than this 

[hollywoodhangar]

5 things!

Tagged by: @silvcrreaper! thank you, dear! :’D this is a really cute meme! I’ll probably use it again in the future bc of that tbh. I’d like to do a lotta characters. Tagging: @mettatoniic / @corviudex, @wcrldlyadventures​, @tcthinecwnself, @scwewywcbbit, @wabbitseezun, @couragelinked​, @contractualsarcasm​, @heedingcalls, @bloominghands, @fairestfall, @blackstardiopside​ / @hellhogged​, & you!

doing this for red’s hardcore over-a-year fixation seriously this woman owns my ass at this point hhggh this thing got way too long!!

CLAUDIA P.

5 THINGS YOU’LL FIND ON HER PERSON.

Her mother's broken pearl necklace. It's very near and dear to her, she's held onto it like a security blanket as well as a trinket for luck & protection ever since Lord Phantomhive whisked her away to the estate. She keeps them safely tucked away in one of her hidden skirt pockets! Those of supernatural origin that are able to detect magical objects can sense there is a Divine blessing on it; it’ll never be lost to Claudia, and those who mean her ill-intent will have their hands burn when they grab at it - almost like they stuck their hand in flames. It’s a precious thing that Máire [ her mother ] has long since used in her prayers specifically to Brigid ever since she was twelve, so it’s instilled with her blessing! 

Her axe. Even when she’s retired, the Countess keeps her silver axe on her person just the same; tucked away in its renewed sheathe that’s hidden under a flap on the back of her dress [ fun headcanon: while undertaker takes his sotoba up from the top of his collar, she pulls her axe down from below ]. Divine magic also touches this weapon; a blessing from the Morrígan in which the blade is kept heinously sharp so long as she gets some sip her blood tribute, absorbing the splatter and gore through the axe’s silver surface and leaving it pristine. Should too long go by without it having a taste of blood it will begin to dull rapidly for the amount of years its gone untouched, but fortunately the Phantomhives never seem to run short of assassins, hitmen and abductors. Her Divine continues to be pleased.

An emerald poison ring. Silver, classy and adorned with the head of a wolf opening its maw to hold a shiny emerald. No one'd expect such a beautiful big gem hides such a heinous poison beneath! It looks pretty neat when she pops it open and the poison pours out of the wolf’s mouth.

[ Enchanted ] Skeleton key. A simple-looking golden key with hidden runes that activate when inserted into magical locks its made for, but it functions like a normal key as well. This key will open absolutely any door in the Phantomhive manor [ unless Sebastian’s room has the same thing going on! ] as well as the invisible locks she has guarding her forest altar. This is also the only thing that will open all doors leading into her bedroom [ the hallway and the balcony ] as those locks are spellbound to react to only the key itself. Vincent’s always tried to pick his way in but could never quite achieve it! I like to think he inherited his mother’s mischievously nosy curiosity. 

Her black choker with a deep green brooch embedded in its middle. It hides the scar paved along her throat from the attempted assassination. Don’t want anyone seeing that, especially not family. v_v

5 THINGS YOU’LL FIND IN HER ROOM.

Her bed, of course! Mahogany framed. It’s enormous, as to be expected for a Countess. It’s extremely soft, easy to sink into and piled with many lace-ended pillows. Heavy, wool-knitted beige blankets lay over the very top, plush to the touch and covering the white and green sheets beneath it. Deep green curtains with leaf embroidery are tied to the bed posts with dark brown rope, and close all around the bed when Claudia turns in for the night -- except for the curtains at the foot. Those stay partially open to absorb the heat from the fireplace. As for the back of the bed, she built it herself! It has an enormous, full-length mirror installed into its wooden frame and a long, smooth surface below for convenience. It has two lamps at both ends that are within reach. 

Lovely mannequins. Rested next to the balcony are two simple manniquens. One is the bearer of her Brigid cloak, the hood pulled up and draped over to obsfuscate the face. Its arms are stretched forwards, hands splayed up with the ceremonial cloth and ropes used for Claudia’s handfasting ceremony; the pearls that were wrapped around all that hanging from its neck. Opposite of that is the other manniquen. Covered with a deep, dark duster, a peasant blouse, tight black pants and thigh-high boots give off a familiar visage of the Countess during her Watchdog days. Around its waist hangs a very intricate rich brown leather belt with lots of slots in it, weaponized chatelaines and satchels with golden clasps - and a golden wolf head as the buckle in front center.

Secret compartments. Many secret locked compartments in the walls she installed herself [ ^ that can only be opened by aforementioned skeleton key, or a very determined and powerful supernatural force ], hidden behind landscape portraits and animal print wall tapestries. She keeps various things in them: Tonics & Poisons. These are very rare breeds of both, being highly efficient in what they’re made for specifically. There’s vials of strange-looking gnarled roots and various colored liquids stored in here as well, along with herbs (??) hanging from the top. Inheritance. The late Lord Phantomhive left Claudia a fortune, most of which she sent to charity, but kept her own sum for emergencies sake. But that is not all he left her; there’s a small pile of letters, some opened, some remaining closed with different seals. There’s also an envelope in here for Claudia specifically, opened and re-sealed. What’s inside is information concerning safe passage to a number of locations and a list of names. Near the very end, the Lord gave Claudia a way out if she ever felt the need to flee from the Phantomhive title; she’s the only blood left. He would not hold it against her to forfeit the Watchdog title, he’d be dead - he has no reason to care for anything at that point. It’s a very bittersweet gift Claudia’s gone back and forth more than once and plans to hand down to the Undertaker “if I go before he does”. She trusts him to hold onto it and give to any Phantomhive who starts feeling pushed to the brink. Altars. A small altar for each of her Goddesses exists in the walls, in twin compartments side-by-side, their doors marked with the carvings of an anvil and a raven. Brigid’s altar is warm, decorated with handmade trinkets and rolled up drawings. The Morrígan’s is dark, positively dark and dimly lit with this very small icy blue lantern that hangs from the top, and the rest of it is decorated with fans fastened from raven feathers and odd white-crimson candles -- that contain her own blood.  Memonto Mori. Death has been embraced around Claudia for so much of her life, so she’s dedicated her own reminder of that in a “.. yet I survived” way.  Mementos from the Famine in the form of mothbitten fabric from the nightgown she wore that entire time and a lock of hair that had fallen out, from the first attempt on her life by a kidnapper in the form of the rusting gun he had and the bottled flesh & muscle she tore from his throat that earned her the title “Wolf of Winchester” among the Aristocrats of Evil, from the nigh successful assassination in the form of the bloodied gown fabric and pressed white roses that wear dried crimson on their petals. There is nothing for the Phantomhive Fire. This rebuilt manor is a jarring memento mori of its own now. 

Cherry wood bookcases. It is stacked with books of worldwide mythology, folklore, natural remedies, strange leatherbacks, and lots of journals Claudia’s written personally over the years. There’s pictures of loved ones wrapped in oval-shaped, polished wooden frames, a lot of old wooden toys she made for her progeny that they’ve grown out of, a black onyx hand with all fingers lined with rings she made herself and holding an ornate athame. Currently, “Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus” sits with a long brown & white feather serving as a bookmarker. 

Urns. Three very precious porcelain urns that are specifically customized to fit the lives they belonged to: Vincent, Rachel, and Claudia’s seven hounds. While she drew the designs for Vincent and her hounds, she let Rachel’s parents decide how they wanted their daughter’s urn handled. She passed the drawings to the Undertaker and he made them to perfection. They rest on the previously mentioned bookshelf, side-by-side in a very gorgeous center display, with fresh white roses, rosemary, gladiolus & lilies from the garden surrounding them and small lanterns constantly providing a low, gentle golden light. There’s candles that have been melted to their hilts and others that are brand new.

5 THINGS THAT MAKE HER HAPPY.

DOGS. 

Mythology. Mythology and folklore have always been incredibly fascinating to her! They can easily eat hours away as she delves herself into learning more and more about them and re-reading the ones she already knows.

Family. I've said it once, I've said it twice, Claudia's a woman who adores to be surrounded by family. Her attempts to convince the Midfords to join with the Phantomhive household have gone shot down by both her grandson and her daughter. One day she’ll prevail. One day. She won’t but she can dream of having a full house again, let her dream.

The countryside. Honestly, the fact they live here instead of in the city was something of an immense comfort to Claudia because it’s a little reminscent of Donegal. She regularly takes Gelert for a walk and finds a nice green pasture to just sit in for a while and enjoy the wind. It brings such a huge wash of calm and relief and what she turns to when feeling absolutely stressed, anxious or angry. Her natural dopamine hit!

Sweets. The Countess has a bad sweet tooth like her grandson and loves to eat sweet things, including things of her own baking and creating! Wave any delectable sugary sweet before her face and you have her attention - not her compliance, but her attention. [ 1v1 phantomhive discourse is continuously stealing the other’s treats. she doesn’t even recall who started it but it is an on-going War. ] 

5 THINGS SHE'S CURRENTLY INTO.

Infinite woodworking! She has several projects going on at the moment, one being a boat and another being a marionette bitter rabbit she’s eventually going to get around to painting. Both gifts!

Foraging. Sure she can easily send the servants to buy this stuff from the market, but she likes to retrieve them herself. There’s a lot of berries and edible/medicinal plants in season right now and she’s pretty happy about that. :) Mulberries galore.

Reading. Very good exercise for her brain as she’s getting a little more forgetful in her old age, so keeping it busy with things like this strengthens her mentally. At the moment she’s not only reading Frankenstein, but she’s also reading about Japan mythology! That, and about strange monsters & creatures encountered at sea, actual accounts taken down by the author of the book who interviewed many-a sailor. 

Hunting. Not only does it give her a grand excuse to get out of the manor, but she needs to keep her archery sharp and Gelert in shape. 

Summer Games. Speaking of which, she has a title to defend! Sporting events are beginning to ramp up and the Phantomhive name continues to hold first place in the Archery branch, much to the chagrin of many who try their aim & speed against the Countess And Lose. Also, the events are always a bunch of fun to take part in - she’s dragging along anyone available.

5 THINGS THINGS ON HER TO-DO LIST.

Finish the on-going "Misfortune's Way" Funtom board game with Ciel. [ Ciel: 9. Claudia: 9. Neck-to-neck. Who Will Win? ]

Continue work on the boat she's created for the Midfords. She needs to finish carving their family crest into the right side of it and hollow out the rest of the bow. So much work to be done! But four months of blood, sweat and tears are going to pay off. :)

Fix that TERRIBLY painful floorboard her foot keeps hitting. It's been on this list for about a week now. She keeps forgetting or gets sidetracked! She’s getting a bruise. :( [ have tanaka do it? no no, she lets that poor man rest now. have sebastian do it? not a chance. "Are ya daft!? I ain't about to have that damned vulture creepin' about my own private quarters." ]

Pack up Tanaka, cook some food [ avoid bard. he always offers, she always declines after he set a strawberry cobbler she requested on fire right before her own eyes, and then proceeded to catch a portion of the kitchen on fire. she was so stunned she didn’t even notice Sebastian come in and bat out the flames LMAO. ], make some tea and head out with Gelert to her favorite spot to chill in the countryside and soak up the rays of Summer. She’s been so much colder than normal lately and needs to a b s o r b s u n. It’s Summer! She shouldn’t be freezing this much! [ although it is funny to put her hand on the back of people’s necks when they complain about the heat and watch them flip ]

Commune with the Goddesses at her forest altar. Bring the landscape painting she’s done for Brigid, bring the bloodied clothes of a fallen enemy for The Morrígan.

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Put Together (BC x Reader)

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Street Artist!Bangchan x Reader

Warnings: No warnings apply

Summary: Moving in together is a pretty big milestone which goes accompanied by a fun shopping trip to IKEA, wandering through the showrooms to gain inspiration for the shared home.

Putting things together, however, proves to be very difficult for a kangaroo and a koala.

Masterlist

Everything has a bright and dark side for all in the world contains positivity and its counterpart. Such is the way of existence, although the shadow side might not be realized until later when trying to put together the furniture bought for the brand new shared studio in a redeveloped part of the town, the community trying to save face by improving neglected neighbourhoods just enough in the hopes of attracting young people to thus let it flourish at their hands. A successful endeavour, since many couples in the prime of their lives have taken up residence in the harbour district with refurbished warehouses decorated with approved graffiti, some works even by the hand of the Australian boyfriend of a mere though steady nine months.

The trip to IKEA was a lot of fun, singing along to songs playing on the voluminous radio on the top of lungs while waiting in a terrible rush hour because more minds had the idea of visiting the massive home depot on a dreary day. It was the sole way to keep the simmering irritation thanks to standing endlessly frozen among honking cars to a bare minimum, fingers entwined while getting lost in the melodies.

The briefly picked up on looks of adoration as interior showrooms were scoured for inspiration were heart-melting, Chris noting down all the chosen pieces of furniture on the small slip of paper with the cheap company pencil regardless of the fact the decisions were basically made without leaving many choices to the blonde boy. When remarking upon the continuous silent agreement, only occasionally providing some input on colour choice, the youth commented that building a home together is all that really mattered to him. Moreover, there was confidence in knowing better how to embody both personalities in the interior than he himself would have been able to do. Henceforth, howbeit with this somewhat uncomfortably in mind, the would-be massive shopping trip cracked on.

Alongside pure affection, there was also a dominant sense of pride in deep earthly eyes that seeped through in attitude, proud to have made it to this milestone, this achievement that was solely a dream for both on lonely days wherein the concept of love was practically unknown aside from family bonds and friendships formed at school. A satisfied innocent smile could not be erased from roseate lips throughout the entire venture, broadening to a wide bubbly smile when testing couches by launching ourselves onto them or spinning around in desk chairs together, seated on the personified koala’s lap and holding on for dear life to the characteristic raven black leather jacket, in search of the perfect one for the planned small home office.

Withal, every sort of happiness comes at a cost, this being that the ecstatic joy has malformed into frustrating confusion now that cardboard boxes retrieved from the immense storehouse litter the bare oaken floor of the empty echoing studio and the time has come to put the furniture together with, at times questionable, manuals. Missing screws or seemingly misplaced pre-created holes form only two of the multitude of sources for agitation, Chris’s brightness gradually becoming darker as the time passes and solely the round coarse night-toned metal coffee table, a few wall shelves, the stone grey couch - this one in particular with a lot of cursing and fuming in resilience after almost ripping the papers with step-by-step instructions - and a single bookshelf awaiting its three neighbours have been established in three hours time.

The cap that was bought on the first trip abroad as a couple, Scotland as its destination, is thrown to the side with a low resigning sigh after reading the supposedly easy to understand guide to the second one of the collection of bookshelves, a bright alabaster cabinet with glass doors. ‘It doesn’t make sense. How is it possible that one door fits perfectly and the other doesn’t?’

‘Did you put the clasps parallel to the others?’  ‘Yes, I did. Look,’ by means of illustration, the inside of the display is shown, pointing at the metal hinges in the designated places which are, indeed, parallel to those opposite, ‘I placed them where you said.’

The position of those already in the correct place was discovered after giving the advice of perhaps reading the text on the paper the correct way instead of upside down and yet vocal directions still had to be given to reach the current part of the building process. Not to say Chris is not the most skilled person when it comes to IKEA furniture or any furniture for that matter, but the flashback of the battle with the first bookcase makes it so that a slight scepticism has come to colour attitude in the predicament caused by this, apparently, problematic one.

‘Let me give it a spin, maybe I’ll be able to insert it. You might break the glass if you try to ram it in like this.’ The former four attempts at placing the door where it should go according to the guide went dramatically wrong, every carefully made endeavour to take on the task instead cut off by assuring snarky remarks. Any gently given direction of slightly altering the angle of insertion was dismissed with a coldly sharp comment about perfectly being able to handle it, so that, too, did not help in regards to any sort of progress.

Howbeit very reluctant, a chance is given with pouted lips and mocha eyes glaring at the last piece of the puzzle. ‘Good luck. I swear, if you manage to- oh.’

As predicted, all that was needed to do was manipulating the insert angle of the door a tad, the discovery leading to an indignant huff accompanied by a check-up whether the seemingly impossible mission has truly been accomplished. Which it obviously is, judging by the golden locks hanging in self-deprecating shame and sarcastic inwardly directed speech. ‘Are you serious?’

A pat on the shoulder makes the street artist raise his head at a broad smug smile on a beloved face, finding satisfaction in being better in doing something which is generally associated with men. ‘I told you how to do it, didn’t I? If only you’d listened.’

‘Oh, come on, Y/N. I still managed to put the couch together on my own because you weren’t a lot of help with that.’ An accusing index finger points to the ashen fabric sofa set against the far east wall, above which has yet to be hung the collection of empty sleek lacquered black frames for displaying Chris’s drawings specially made for decorating the house.

‘I was looking for the missing screws!’ Palms rise into the air in dramatic defence, gaze unbelieving of the argument. ‘How was I supposed to know the rest was just a matter of inserting one part into the other?’

‘Sure, koala.’ The devious smile faded from one visage is replicated on the other, evidently not backing out of the witty battle until a triumph is had, hands firmly placed on the hips, thus pressing the fabric of the loose shadow-toned shirt covered in wood snippets and dust tightly over a well-trained chest. ‘But who also put together the coffee table?’

A denying shake of the head as raised digits lower again to be tucked into the pockets of the skinny jeans also affected by decorating the shared home, followed by an incredulous laugh at the attempted clever response proving superiority. ‘That was simply a matter of getting it out of the box, kangaroo boy.’

‘Oi, it also required some putting together.’ Pure uncensored defied belief seeps through in the voice of the street artist, unhappy with being unmasked by such an easy task that does not count in the overall grander picture.  

‘You only had to place the tabletop on its foundation, so that doesn’t count. Furthermore, who installed the shelves on the wall because someone could not handle the drill properly and almost drilled through the places for the attachments?’

Stark white teeth distractingly bite down on the bottom lip, Chris turning away to hide the shame of the almost accident whereby a woman’s touch formed the apparent saviour of a ruined interior before daringly locking gazes. ‘If the coffee table does not count as furnishing than that doesn’t as well. And it’s not my fault the wood is so thin, it’s easy to completely run it through if there’s barely any depth or thickness to it.’

‘No, it isn’t. You’re just clumsy, but you don’t want to admit it.’

An eyebrow is arrogantly cocked at the defiant street artist, who copies the attitude with the intention to counterattack with a sarcastic comment that shall continue the bickering until a clear victor appears. ‘Me? Clumsy? Who almost dropped the boxes with candle holders for the bedroom yesterday?’

Well, for what has to function as a bedroom since it is nothing more than a simple oaken bed frame with drawers and two matching night tables made of the same material, located in the space next to the little balcony looking out over the old harbour. Again, it was established with the necessary cursing and risk of a shredded manual, the help continuously searching the massive cardboard box for the needed parts sometimes wrapped in bubble wrap while trying to keep the kangaroo boy’s temper under control. As it would seem, the platinum blonde boyfriend is better at popping bubbles than reading and following the instructions given by IKEA.

‘That wasn’t because I’m clumsy, but because you scared the living daylights out of me by suddenly appearing and trying to wrestle me to the ground.’ As a means of giving extra strength to the point, a stern finger points from an offended face to the scene of the past accident, speaking with a higher tone now that sensitive nerves truly are on edge with triggering memories.

Yesterday, it had seemed like a genius prank to jump out of the bathroom while bringing in the newly acquired fragile candle holders that had the Aussie frantically search the massive lower floor of the home depot only to find the mysteriously disappeared girl again in the candle section, judging which holder would go with what candle and colour while also keeping the outlay of the planned interior in mind. Thus, the notion of caution while bringing in the unloaded boxes with frames and accessories that had temporarily formed a fort in the cool hallway of the apartment building was entirely nullified, even though the culprit put a special emphasis on this beforehand when it was him carrying the vases for the bouquets of fake flowers. A scattering of violet reflecting glass almost formed the consequence of the affectionately meant yet aggravating instead gesture, the youth barely able to save face by rapidly steadying a toppling stance and breakable decoration.

Household chores are up to the artist for the coming month as a punishment.

‘Alright, fair point. But still, you especially wanted the crystal ones while you know I can attack at any time.’ A foreboding playful stance is taken up, the bickering entirely forgotten as crossed arms unravel to spread wide while the back arches in the anticipation of pouncing on the targeted prey in front with a mischievous grin.

The step backwards does nothing to escape the fate already set in motion, the wiggle of dark eyebrows promising there is no escape from the love about to be shown. Regardless of the urge to attempt to find a way out, it is difficult to suppress the amusement as the predatory stance changes to resemble a kangaroo which results in a chuckled warning. ‘Chris, don’t.’

‘I’m gonna catch you~.’ A provocative hop forward with an adorable high-pitched giggle, bleached locks obscuring the sparkling mocha stare.

‘No, you won’t.’ Another step backwards on the bare oaken floor, answering the threat with a voice truly bordering on pure innocent laughter. ‘Catch me if you can.’

What ensues is a weirdly human kangaroo madly chasing his offender who has fully joined in the grinning, cutely though relentlessly continuing the chase after her until she is driven into the kitchen corner and picked up with ease by strong veiny arms in a twirling fashion.

When feet touch the ground again, they linger a few centimetres from the ones which pursued them a mere second ago, cheek contently resting on the onyx fabric displaying the effect of furnishing, listening to the steady heartbeat of the cheekily smiling beloved. ‘You’re an idiot, Chris Bang.’

‘Could say the same for you, koala.’ A kiss on the crown of the head results in a glance upward into warm adoring chocolate irises, which, in turn, leads to another gentle meeting but this time between mouths with a tenderness that erases some of the devilish attitudes in both individuals. The embrace tightens, ensuring the instincts always triggered in each other’s presence there is nothing but a safe haven, a home for two people to grow in.

Though wanting to remain in the moment for as long as possible, much remains to be done and has to be for the day might still be young yet demands action, knowing the cardboard mess is unbearable to live in. Moreover, the break from daily obligations has a deadline that would rather not be extended due to a delay in settling into the new studio together. Henceforth, breathless lips laboriously pull away as a big palm comes to cup the cheek while a desperate urgency begs for a deeper connection. ‘Let’s take a break and then crack on with the other bookshelves and the dining room. Would be nice to not eat dinner on the floor for once.’

For a second, Chris is clearly at a loss for words and composure, still leaning forward with puzzlement plastered across the lost expression. Nonetheless, it is soon replaced with an amiable relief at getting a repose from putting together incomprehensible installations, consenting to the plan with a pleased hum.

The happiness of the pause with peach ice teas and fruit salad does not linger long because next up are the other bookshelves so that the living room is at least somewhat done, needing only a few fake though lush green plants, Chan’s framed works on the bare walls and a few other homely accessories alongside filled shelves to finish it off officially.

It only takes five minutes for a ripped manual.

[urfavmurtad]

Hi ! Do you have any books recommendations for someone who want to have a better understanding of Islam (on the historical aspect for exemple)? Beside the quran/hadiths. I want to learn more but I don't want Islamic propaganda or something overtly negative. Thanks!!! I love your blog and you're a great writter

No problem anon, I’d love to give some book recs! There are so many shitty books on Islamic history out there, and they’re shitty in many ways. It’s not just the ones written by Muslims that have problems. Some books are written by pop “historians” who have no business writing about this subject, others are from Orientalists who think Arabs invented civilization, others are from revisionists who don’t seem to have met a single Arab person in their lives. I have had to read through buckets of shit to find some gems. This is the true jihad.

I’m gonna dig through my bookshelf and mostly focus on the books that can be found for free online or in most libraries, just for the sake of accessibility.

I think a very good and very basic place to start is this… semi-series by Robert Hoyland, who is a professor at NYU. Hoyland was a student of a writer I’m not fond of (Patricia Crone, who did make some valuable contributions about the status of Mecca but was an extreme revisionist). But he’s not really like that at all, and his sources are basically impeccable. He has three books that I’d happily recommend for beginners, starting in the pre-Islamic era and going into the conquests:

Arabia and the Arabs* (pdf here). This is one of the very few works about pre-Islamic Arabia that brings in information from non-Islamic sources. It’s mostly about northern and southern Arabia (as in… not Mecca or anything near it) because those are the places mentioned by outside sources, but still. This is one of, like, three respectful books on pre-Islamic Arabia that I’ve ever read. I was so happy when I found it.

Seeing Islam as Others Saw It* (pdf here). I’ve linked this before in this post, so you can glance through that to see if the subject interests you. This is just a collection of early non-Islamic sources about the Islamic conquests. It’s a huge reference book, so feel free to skip around and just read the parts you’re interested in. It’s good stuff and may make you stan Muawiya a little purely based on his competency idk

In God’s Path: The Arab Conquests and the Creation of an Islamic Empire* (pdf here). I like this a lot, but I don’t agree with all of its conclusions. This is where you can see some of Crone’s influence, but it’s not super revisionist and there are some interesting ideas within it. Hoyland does significantly downplay the role of Islam as a faith here, seeing it as essentially a glue pulling Arabs together and uniting them into one political entity. The last three pages of Fred Donner’s frankly bitchy review… points were made. I still recommend it tho!His ideas on one of the driving forces of the conquests being the Arab “muhajirun” (applied to the conquering army as a whole instead of just the group that left Mecca) and their desire to settle in other lands is at least food for thought.

I’d also v strongly suggest reading up at least a little on the poor long-forgotten empires that dominated the Middle East before Islam’s glorious birth, the Byzantines and the Sassanids. In my experience, most ppl know very little about the former and nothing about the latter. But they were kind of, uh, important? So it might be worth reading a bit on them.

For the Byzantines, take your pick: do you want a dense scholarly book or a lighter but quicker read? The scholarly one I’d suggest is The Making of Byzantium by Mark Whittow (pdf here). The lighter one, Lost to the West: The Forgotten Byzantine Empire That Rescued Western Civilization* by Lars Brownworth (borrow), has a very ott title that reminds me of those “ISLAMIC CIVILIZATION SAVED EUROPE!!” books that I hate. But the content focuses far more on internal Byzantine stuff than its “legacy” or w/e. It’s definitely less academic than Whittow’s book, but on the plus side it’s way easier to read tbh.

If you really get into it and want to read more single-topic Byzantine books, I’d also suggest most of Judith Herrin’s books, including Unrivalled Influence: Women and Empire in Byzantium and Margins and Metropolis: Authority Across the Byzantine Empire. She also has a general overview of Byzantium (borrow).

There’s also a Byzantine history podcast, I stan it.

The Two Eyes Of The Earth* by Matthew Canepa (pdf here). This is half regular-history and half art history, but don’t let that scare you!! I know very little about art history and I found it easy to read. It’s REALLY GOOD and for a book you can find for free it lays out the relationship between the Byzantines and Persians really well.

For the Sassanids: Sasanian Persia* by Touraj Daryaee (pdf here) is a very brief, easy read and only around 150 pages long. It’s worth it just to familiarize yourself with the topic. A more in-depth rec is Arsacids and Sasanians by Rahim Shayegan (pdf here), which is a longer-term view of Persian history.

Arabs and Empires Before Islam* (pdf here) is a collection from multiple authors that touches on Arabs in relation to both empires, and extends its reach into South Arabia as well.

The Palestinian historian Irfan Shahid’s long series on Byzantium and the Arabs* has been made available online via the Dumbarton Oaks library. His work is a tad outdated nowadays, but it’s still a great resource. This guy has literally spent decades on this single topic and he provides us with his work for free…… a legend tbh. (The download links are on the top right of each page, if you can’t find them.) Honestly every book has worthwhile information in it, but on the topic of Islam/Islamic history you probably want the ones on the sixth century, since that’s when Mo was born. The full thing is like… 800 pages, so. Take it slow! Other scholars on Byzantine-Arab interactions include Walter Emil Kaegi and Greg Fisher, with Fisher being more skeptical of later Islamic texts than the other two. But I’ve read useful stuff from all three.

Rome and the Arabs (pdf here)

Byzantium and the Arabs in the 4th Century (pdf here)

…Fifth Century (pdf here)

…Sixth Century: Volume 1, Part 1 (pdf here)

…Volume 1, Part 2 (pdf here)

…Volume 2, Part 1 (pdf here) 

…Volume 2, Part 2 (pdf here)

Now… if you are looking for some actual history about Mohammed and his earliest followers, just be aware that 100% of the information on The Life And Times Of Crazy Mo comes from Islamic sources written over a century after he died. All that anyone can do is dig through them and try to determine, based on whatever criteria, what is plausible and what isn’t plausible. I’d actually suggest you read the primary sources (as in the stuff written by Muslims over a thousand years ago) yourself, since that’s what all these books are based upon. If you don’t wanna slog through the big ahadith collections, you might wanna read one of these:

The Expeditions* by Mamar ibn Rashid (pdf here). I might suggest starting here, because 1) it’s short! (the page count is a lie bc it’s dual Arabic-English) and 2) once you understand the stuff in this, it’ll make reading the larger works way easier. This is a selection of ahadith narrated by a student of al-Zuhri, who was a student of one of the sahaba (Anas ibn Malik). So there is a short and very direct chain of transmission all the way back to the rise of Islam here. You can see how much of the “official story” of Islam was already decided-upon in the 8th century (a lot!), what spots were vague and still being filled in (90% of the pre-hijra days), and what was open to debate (tidbits like: when was the “year of the elephant”?). Note that this covers like… fragments of the story, it is not a full sira.

It’s interesting to compare the above to Ibn Ishaq’s long-ass sira (pdf here), which is from the same century. I might do a post on the differences between them at some point. Ibn Ishaq’s is referenced by virtually all later authors so it’s kinda… important to read it, even though it’s long.

There is another early biography by al-Waqidi (who was considered less credible by his contemporaries and deemed an outright liar by many of them), I don’t really care for it but you can read about the differences between his and Ibn Ishaq’s sira here. It’s still worth a read even tho al-Waqidi himself is questionable, but I can’t find a free English translation.

Muhammad and the Origins of Islam* by F.E. Peters (borrow) is a decent summary of the story, if you don’t feel like reading a sira. The book mostly just quotes from Islamic texts. But at only 300 pages, around a third of which is more about Middle Eastern history around the 7th century, it’s a pretty easy read. 

There’s also al-Tabari’s 40-book-long history series (pdfs here), which covers like… everything up to the 9th century. You obviously aren’t gonna read this whole-ass thing but it’s useful as a reference if you wanna check up on a particular topic. I’ve read multiple volumes of this and I didn’t find them hard to read at all, they’re surprisingly short.

If you’re looking for a recent English-language biography of Mohammed and his followers, well. The truth is that there are very few decent English-language books on this topic, and by Allah, some are absolutely cancerous. I’d strongly suggest staying away from: 1) anything written by someone who is not a scholar of Islam, Arabic, or Middle Eastern history in general, 2) older ones written by Orientalists, especially the white guys who were in the habit of dressing in thobes, and 3) works written by Saudi or Qatari-funded scholars (who tend to work at places helpfully named after their benefactors). Also, pls do not read anything that begins a discussion of goddamn 7th century Arabia with “ever since 9/11…”.

Look for something fairly recent (like… since the 90s, maybe) written by a credible scholar of Islam whose work is favorably reviewed by his or her peers. And be aware that no book is going to get it 100% right because of the limitations I mentioned. I think this short article (pdf) summarizes what you should expect going into any of these works.

Since I don’t really like any of them, I can’t recommend any, but I can at least point you in the right direction, hopefully...

In my experience, single-topic articles (that you can read using scihub 👀) are way better and more informative than any books on the topic. I dunno why, but I think it’s just because each individual topic requires so much specialized knowledge that no one can write about the entire era convincingly. I’d be happy to suggest some articles on any particular subject you’re curious about.

If you want some scholarly “analysis” of early Islamic history:

Analysing Muslim Traditions by Harald Motzki (pdf here) presents a convincing argument against people who reject the ahadith because they see them as completely unreliable. The book is basically a defense of “the science of ahadith” created by scholars in the 9th/10th centuries. Not all ahadith are “real” in the sense that they can be plausibly traced back to Mo & Crew–but it’s pretty clear that many of them can be.

Islamic Historiography* by Chase F. Robinson (pdf here) isn’t about whether some parts of Islamic history are true or not–it’s more of a look at the development of Islamic historians and how they built upon the very early ahadith. Short and an easy read.

Arabic Historical Thought in the Classical Period by Tarif Khalidi is somewhat similar, but touches more on specific authors in a specific period. Khalidi is a big name in Arab Islamic studies, and a lot of his work is pretty decent, though I’ve noticed it’s kinda hard to find some of his books in libraries.

Sectarianism!!!

The Caliph and the Heretic, Ibn Sabaʾ and the Origins of Shīʿism by Sean W. Anthony (pdf here). This is a subject that I’ve been weirdly fascinated by for whatever reason. The guy it’s named after has long been accused of being one of the “ghulat”, meaning people who took Ali to be a divine figure in blatant violation of Islamic doctrine. (A book that goes into more depth on “ghulat” sects is Ghulat Sects by Matti Moosa, pdf here. The “extremist” subtitle means their religious beliefs, not terrorism.) A lot of legends and myths have popped up with respect to this guy and his place in Islamic history, and the author tries to disentangle all the stories and find the root of it all to find an actual basis for early Shiism, without the hateful propaganda that’s clouded it. Really good.

A more general overview of Shia history is Shi’ism by Heinz Halm.

The Heirs of Muhammad* by Barnaby Rogerson (borrow) is a very, very basic overview of the political clusterfuck of the Rashidun era. It’s not super scholarly and leaves out a lot of details, but if you don’t know anything about the topic, give it a try.

The Succession to Muhammad: A Study of the Early Caliphate by Wilferd Madelung (pdf here) is essentially a book about the title’s topic from a Shia perspective, or at least from an Abbasid perspective. It’s very… credulous, in the sense that it doesn’t question the sources, but it’s good if you want to know one side of the story. The Umayyads, and to a lesser extent Abu Bakr & Crew, are the bad guys here. Full disclosure: the author works at a place funded by the Aga Khan (Ismaili Shia leader).

The Ismailis by Farhad Daftary (pdf here) is an absolutely gigantic book that I would not recommend for beginners, but if you happen to be curious about the Ismailis–this is a historically important Shia group distinct from Iranians et al, who are from another sect called Imamiyya or “Twelvers”–here you go.

The Birth of the Prophet Muhammad by Marion Holmes Katz (pdf here). This is a single-topic book about Sunni (including Sufi) mythology surrounding Mohammed and his life. I’m not talking history here, but outright mythological elements, like Mo’s dad being glowy. This is semi-topical re: the crazies who blow people up for celebrating Mohammed’s birthday, but is also useful in understanding the process by which Islamic theology built Mohammed into a hell of a lot more than “just a man”. Slightly more specialized than the other books here, but I included it because I don’t think it’s so academic that you’ll be lost and confused while reading it.

Here are some basic overviews of the Umayyad and early Abbasid eras, which is when 90% of what we think of as “Islam” was crystallized:

Again, al-Tabari’s history series is really useful for these eras. The Expeditions and Ibn Ishaq’s sira also touch on some of this stuff. Don’t discount the classics! The only thing to remember is that all of these were written after the Abbasids overthrew the Umayyads, so obviously they have a certain angle to them. But they’re still useful.

The New Cambridge History of Islam (pdf here). A great, six-volume-long series of articles on a huge variety of topics of early Islamic history. Look through the tables of contents and pick an article that seems interesting, and give it a shot.

The Encyclopedia of Islam* (a tad outdated in places, but still great overall) covers this era and…. like, basically everything. It’s huge. I got all my pdfs of it from Tehran University’s site here, idk why that’s the only place where I can find it. The glorious Islamic Republic doesn’t gaf about copyright laws I guess. There’s also an Encyclopedia of the Quran (pdfs here), but that’s more for religious matters than historical stuff.

The First Dynasty of Islam: The Umayyad Caliphate* by G.R. Hawting (pdf here) is, imo, a very dry and scholarly book. But if you need an overview, it’s useful. It’s also only like 150 pages so it shouldn’t be too hard to get through.

Black Banners from the East: The Establishment of the Abbasid State by Moshe Sharon is an account of the Abbasid revolution and everything that led up to that moment.

Inquisition in Early Islam: The Competition for Political and Religious Authority in the Abbasid Empire by John Turner. I really wish I had a pdf for this one, but I don’t. This is probably more suited for someone raised Muslim or at least someone who already knows a bit about Islamic history–if you’ve heard of Imam Ahmad’s trial before the caliph al-Mamun, you’re good–but it’s a good look at how religious authority was handled by the early Abbasid leaders.

The Canonization of Islamic Law by Ahmed El Shamsy (pdf here). Oh boy, if you don’t really enjoy the legal side of Islam, this one will bore you to tears. Regrettably this topic is extremely important for understanding Islamic history, so try to power through it.

For some other Islamic empires, here are three books about al-Andalus, two of which I’ve already recced:

Kingdoms of Faith: A New History of Islamic Spain* by Brian Catlos. This one focuses more on the religious communities themselves, the relationships between them, and the conflicts within them.

Muslim Spain and Portugal: A Political History of Al-Andalus* by Hugh Kennedy. Kennedy has written a lot of books, and for me they’re very hit-or-miss. His style can sometimes be dry, and at other times he glosses over important details. But this one’s good. It’s…. well, it’s what it says it is, a political history. If you want intrigue and drama, here you go.

Philosophers Sufis & Caliphs by Ali Humayun Akhtar (pdf here). This is more about Islamic scholars in Andalus and focuses on their interaction with and responses to Fatimid (Ismaili Shia) ideology. A lot of texts on Andalus frame it as part of a European context (as in, devoting a lot of space to Christians), but this one puts it more in the context of the wider Arab world, which is helpful.

Ottomans!!!!

Osman’s Dream* by Caroline Finkel (pdf here) is a great and really in-depth summary of centuries of Ottoman history. It covers over 600 years, so forgive the length and take it one chapter at a time.

The late Halil Inalcik was a master of producing really good, in-depth books about Ottoman history with the driest titles you could possibly imagine. I’m pretty sure he is (or… was) one of the top Turkish experts on the subject, so any of his stuff is worth a look. The one I read was The Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age 1300-1600*. But if you can find any of his stuff at your library, you might wanna check it out.

Three books from Roger Crowley touching on the Crusades era, in order: City of Fortune: How Venice Won and Lost a Naval Empire*, 1453: The Holy War for Constantinople* (borrow here), and Empires of the Sea: The Final Battle for the Mediterranean* (yes the first one is mostly about the Italian city-states but there is plenty of Turkish nonsense too). I’ve recced these before but they’re great. There’s also an interlude about Acre called The Accursed Tower, which is likewise excellent.

Before Homosexuality in the Arab-Islamic World, 1500-1800 by Khaled El-Rouayheb. Well… not all of it is about the Ottomans, but a large portion of it is. Don’t be put off by the title–it doesn’t mean that gay sex didn’t exist before the year 1801. I don’t agree with all the author’s conclusions, but the sources he’s collected are still useful. Everything you could possibly want to know about pederasty is contained within, enjoy.

“Roxolana: The Greatest Empress of the East”*. This is an article, not a book, but it’s a brief summary of the Eastern European slave girl who used her body and mind to worm her way into the highest echelons Ottoman politics.  I’ll write about this whole weird era someday.

The Ottoman Age of Exploration (pdf here) by Giancarlo Casale is the story of how the Ottomans tried and almost succeeded in getting in on the whole Asia imperialism thing. (Despite this occurring during the Ottoman heyday, you hardly ever hear them mentioned in discussions about it.) It begins with a man named Selim the Grim. If that doesn’t sell you on it, what will?

There is ALSO an Ottoman history podcast (+articles) although tbh the earlier seasons were better and more, uh, Ottoman-focused. It’s kinda more a Muslim history podcast now. It descends into academic jargon and glorification at times but there are still some gems to be found there.

Some of the important Shia dynasties:

Converting Persia: Religion and Power in the Safavid Empire by Rula Jurdi Abisaab (pdf here). Iran became Shia under the Safavids, which is… kind of important, for modern-day issues! So you might wanna read about it! Because this happened in the 16th century, there’s also a lot about geopolitics between them and the Ottomans, interactions with Asian and European nations, etc.

The Fatimids were a hugely important Ismaili dynasty that ruled large swaths of land, including Egypt, during ye olde “golden age” that they’ve been largely erased from. There are, unfortunately, very few decent overviews of the caliphate, but there are some nice “character studies” (for lack of a better word) so I’d suggest reading articles about them instead. There are some collections of essays, including a long series called Egypt and Syria in the Fatimid, Ayyubid and Mamluk Eras.

Maghrebi topics:

Black Morocco: A History of Slavery, Race, and Islam* by Chouki El Hamel is a recent book about a tragically underexplored topic, namely Black slaves in Arab countries (which is usually dismissed with “slavery wasn’t about race!!!”). This covers mostly the early modern era (~1600s-1800s) of Morocco.

A History of the Maghrib in the Islamic Period by Jamil M. Abun-Nasr. This is a 20th century book that’s kinda written in the style of an old Arab history book, but it’s still good. There’s a lot goin on in the Maghreb and keeping track of all the tribes and their loyalties is very difficult, so a basic primer like this is very useful.

Some miscellaneous dynasties:

The Empire of the Steppes* by René Grousset (borrow) is only, like, half about any sort of Islamic dynasty (Timurlane and the Timurids), but the early Mongols are part of Islamic history by virtue of killing lots of people, so! Might be worth a read. It’s an old-fashioned book, but it’s an intro to the subject.

The Millennial Sovereign: Sacred Kingship and Sainthood in Islam (pdf here) by Azfar Moin. I’m sure this is noticeable, but I know about 1) Arabs, 2) Turks, 3) Persians, and 4) Amazigh people, in that order. India is kinda beyond my wheelhouse, but I’m trying to learn more. This one was a good start and covers topics that you’ve probably heard of before (the Mughal Empire and the emperor Akbar) in great depth. It covers Iran and the Timurids too, but most of it is about India.

The Seljuks are another one where I’ve just been really unimpressed with the books I’ve leafed through tbh. The only one I’ve enjoyed and actually read through to the end was The Great Seljuqs: A History by Osman Aziz Basan, so if you can find that, go for it.

Books specifically focusing on women:

Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate* by Leila Ahmed (borrow). This is a Hot Topique as many of you know, and if you search for Islam+women you are likely to receive a bunch of bullshit in return. But Leila Ahmed has been covering this subject for decades and her book is about as in-depth and “fair” as you can get.

Concubines and Courtesans: Women and Slavery in Islamic History*. Hey, wanna hear something fucked up? Many if not most of the notable Muslim women throughout history were sex slaves. Some were used purely for sex, others for entertainment, others as the mothers of their masters’ heirs. A few slaves managed to manipulate or charm their way to political power, and they’re some of the most powerful “Muslim” women in history. This messy topic is explored in a series of essays in this book.

Marriage and Slavery in Early Islam* by Kecia Ali (pdf here). This approaches the same topic as the above from more of a religious perspective rather than a historical survey. It traces the development of religious opinions and justifications for slavery, the “proper” treatment of women, the differences or lack thereof in the ultimate status of a freed woman vs a slave woman, etc.

That is…………. a lot!!! But I do think that all of them taken together are a pretty solid basis for understanding the first…. I dunno, 1000 years or so? of Islamic history. I think most of them are accessible for someone with zero or very little knowledge about any of these subjects, though some are denser than others. I put asterisks on the one that I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to get through, no matter how little you know about the topic.

Also, I know you said no Quran or ahadith but… ur gonna be real-ass confused about many things if you don’t at least know a little about them tbh. If you’re ever in the mood for it, there are a bunch of tafsirs online (Ibn Kathir’s famous one is here) and I have @quranreadalong for this exact purpose so pls enjoy!

If anyone wants more recs about any specific topic, hit me up! I got literally hundreds of books on my bookshelf.

[alyricalberry]

And Did You Ever Feel Like They Were Ringing True || Rachel, Hiram, and Leroy Berry

Who: Rachel Berry, Hiram Berry & Leroy Berry

Where: The Berry home, Columbus, OH.

When: Saturday, May 5, 2018 (before Japan)

What: Rachel has some question for her dads, and she maybe doesn’t really like their answer.

Notes: Holy wow is this a late para :x The title is a continuation from this para bc this is kind of a continuation of that para. I also just really like the song okay??? Anyways this is pretty much The Thing so enjoy!

When Rachel went home after Fuchs’ trial was over, the atmosphere in the Berry house was quite different than what it usually was. Saturday mornings were usually full of cooking and singing, and Hiram and Leroy would show Rachel new spells they’d learned through their travels. Rachel would go help her dads out at the shop and afterwards they would order Chinese food and watch some sort of old movie together. That had been their tradition for so long, the three of them doing so much together. But this time... this time it felt different.

Rachel hadn’t seen either of her dads since the end of January. She’d hardly even spoken to them since then. Partly, she was frustrated with them since there was this seemingly huge secret that they’d kept from her her whole life. On the other hand, though, she was also kind of scared of finding out the truth. She had barely even thought the words to herself. She didn’t want to. She couldn’t be a... But she was willing to put her frustration behind her. Surely there would be some sort of explanation and everything could go back to normal. This was the longest Rachel had gone without speaking to her dads, and she missed them despite being angry. She tried her best to be optimistic that things were going to turn around.

But when Rachel took the portal from NYADA to Ohio, she could feel that something was... off. Hiram and Leroy weren’t as upbeat and happy as they usually were. Breakfast was cooked and eaten without much conversation. Both of her dads’ familiars were out, but instead of Chep perching on Rachel’s shoulder and nuzzling her hair to hopefully get a bite of food and Archimedes pacing around the table trying to snap up any crumb that fell on the table, they were both perched on their respective witch’s shoulder and sitting practically still, which was very uncommon for the two birds, especially Chep. That’s how Rachel knew things were serious. But she still wouldn’t let herself think as to why they were all so silent and serious. She was definitely overthinking it.

After they’d done the dishes, Rachel couldn’t take it anymore. “Can we talk. Please. I don’t like this silence,” she told them.

Leroy gave Rachel a pained smile and gestured for her to follow. “Let’s go talk in the parlor, hm? I know we all have a lot to talk about,” he said.

Rachel followed her dads to the parlor, the birds swooping in behind them. Archimedes settled on his perch by the bookshelf while Chep settled on Rachel’s shoulder once she was sitting. The birds’ weight comforted Rachel a little bit. Rachel had a thousand memories of sitting in this room with Chep on her shoulder. Hiram’s familiar had been around Rachel’s whole life. While she loved Archimedes, Chep had appeared to Hiram when they had adopted Rachel, and so Rachel felt a close bond to the bird. However, as comforting as the weight of Chep on her shoulder was, the quiet around them was anything but. None of the Berrys were ever this quiet. Usually there would be music floating through the air, or Leroy would be reciting a passage from whichever book he was reading. There was always something happening. But now they were just sitting in the living room, Rachel across from her dads, and things felt so, so awkward.

“Rachel, we know you have questions about… the piece of paper you showed me back in January,” Hiram started.

“And we know that it’s confusing,” Leroy continued. “But… I’m afraid the only answer we can give you is quite unsatisfying,” he told her.

Rachel frowned. “What do you mean? It’s a simple yes or no answer. Am I a Bloodline or not?” she said, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. But it was a question she’d had for months, since she got the cards from Asterismos, since she destroyed Plue with her magic. She knew the answer, but she didn’t want it to be true. Mostly because she didn’t want to have to completely rethink her entire life and the opinions she had, but also because she couldn’t be a Bloodline. Aside from Mike and Sam, and Quinn and Hunter, most of the Bloodlines she knew were horrible. She absolutely could not be one of them. Her dads were tell her that it was all a misunderstanding, right?

The hard look Hiram and Leroy gave each other told Rachel that she definitely would not be getting the answer she wanted.

“Baby, we’re going to tell you what we can. But you have to listen to the whole thing. And you can’t interrupt,” Hiram said, giving his daughter a look.

Rachel took a deep breath and settled back on the sofa, reaching a hand up to pet Chep’s head. “Fine. I’m listening.”

Hiram nodded. “Good. When your mother came to us and agreed to let us adopt you, we were so happy. You know this. We were willing to do anything to get you. That included promising her, on our magic circles, that we would never tell you, or anyone else, about her, or her family. We honestly never thought you would ask about it. But now that you are… I’m sorry, Rachel. We can’t answer any of the questions you have,” he told her.

A thousand emotions were running through Rachel’s head, but one of them was at the forefront of all of them. “So you chose to lie to me?” she said, crossing her arms. “My whole life. You were just never going to tell me about who I really am?” Because it had to be true. Who else but a Bloodline would hide a child away with two New Age witches and make them swear on their magic circles to keep it all quiet?

“Rachel, we didn’t do it to lie to you. We thought it would protect you,” Leroy said. “We wanted to give you a good life, which you have had. If you want answers, you have to speak with the people who sent you those cards, but I really think it would be best if you just destroyed them and moved on.”

Rachel closed her eyes to try to keep the tears she felt prickling up away. “No matter how you spin it, you agreed to lie to me my whole life. How am I supposed to trust you?” she asked.

Hiram took a deep breath and went to sit beside Rachel, taking her hands in his. “You’re allowed to be upset, but none of what we did was to hurt you. You’re our daughter, we love you, and we want to protect you. I’m sorry that we can’t tell you what you want to know, but it really is better that way.”

Rachel shook her head and pulled her hands away from Hiram. “No, it’s not! I am a completely different person than I thought I was and you’re telling me I should drop it? I can’t just forget about it. And I can’t just forget about the fact that you agreed to lie to your daughter her whole life! ” She stood up quickly before either of them could respond, Chep squawking and flying over to her perch to not lose balance from Rachel’s sudden movements. “I have to go. I obviously am not going to get any helpful information here,” she said harshly, using her anger to cover up just how upset she was. “I’m going to Japan with school for the month. I guess I’ll call you when I get back,” she added before storming out of the room.

Leroy stood to go after her, but Hiram stopped him. “We have to let her get through her anger. Going after her now isn’t going to accomplish anything.

***

Rachel was almost in shock as she walked back to the portal to get to NYADA. Before she knew it, she was back in her room, thankfully empty. She’d only picked up her bag that was hanging in the entryway of her house, her duffel bag full of clothes and other things forgotten in her room. At least she had her grimoire. She pulled it out and took out the copies of the Asterismos cards she kept there, summoning a small flame to burn them away. She was so, so angry with her dads. But maybe they were right: it was best to drop it. After all, her unspoken truth didn’t have to be true at all if no one knew about it.

[seksipomminpurkaja]

hrm, good ol' king and queen, frans + pietro and if you want, band bros?

math problems done, sipping on my peppis, feeling like royalty

(i sincerely hope you meant roo and jules)

Who keeps making puns while the other tries to fall asleep?

Nayden, c’mon hun don’t be like that, laugh with me! Like that yes! just snuggle her ‘till he runs out of puns to make and they get to go to sleep

Frans to cheer Pietro, he knows it’s hard for him to sleep anyway so if he’s still awake why not make it worth the while

I feel like it’s Jules, and Cameron is muffling his laughter into the pillow like stop it but doesn’t really do anything to make him stop

Who likes to snuggle up to the other on the couch?

Nayden, Sharni’s so warm and comfy pillow. her couch is the superior couch and her blanket the superior blankets, she hold him very firmly and he’s a happy little slav in her arms

Pietro, as a mute he really can’t ask to be cuddled other than just going for it, just curl under Frans’ arm and rest there, he doesn’t have to communicate and Frans doesn’t need to ask anything

It has pretty much always been Cameron, he feels safe there, just put on a hoodie or get a pillow first bc he’s bony and his not so pillow is also bony

Do they own any pets together? If so, what are their names and what type of pets?

Four kids are enough to handle, but before them they had a dog, a mixed breed dog from a shelter, didn’t live too long though, he was old  when they got him but they made sure he was happy till the end. his name was Skipper (Maya loved Skipper)

They really don’t have the funds to have a pet, but Frans feeds stray cats and dogs when he runs across them on the streets

Well there’s Macca and Merri, and eventually the third ferret (i forgot their name), Cameron will suggest on getting a guinea pig or a hamster so he gets to name it macklemore

What type of place do they live in?

A flat for a long time, they had both of their stuff in there so it was their little place, when the first kid came they moved to house, not too big though, they liked the little crammed atmosphere, it feels like home

Streets for Pietro and Sarah’s bunker for Frans, then Penelope’s cellar, eventually they found an abandoned flat to bunk in, it wasn’t big but it was dry and mostly clean so it worked

They both have their own flats at this point, possibly not even far away from each other. Both fit for one person to live in

Who is always running late and gives them a quick kiss before they run out the door?

Nayden since he has his job at the attorney office and Sharni’s job begins later in the noon. And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get to kiss Sharni in the morning

Frans whenever he has a deal to be taken care of, he’s never late though bc that would mean losing the job at hand (ha get it bc he only has one hand). But he still gets to smooch Pietro

Tbh wherever they need to be on time it’s ver possible they both need to be there, like a band practice, they need them both, a gig, both, recording? both, and interview? probably both. They Roo shies on the kisses in public so he’ll do it on the doorway before stepping out

Where do they go to have fun with their friends?

Local small bars, malls, nothing too grand, just a bunch of friends getting together and tell how their weeks have been

Penelope’s shop is a good place for a small meeting, also the pubs, but the pubs are shady and Pietro is a face not all people look kindly on

Bars mostly, after gigs or just regular ol’ weekend, just kick back and have some drinks with Aaron and An, Radu too if he and Jules ever make up

What does their living room look like?

It’s kinda crammed, big couch, a coffee table and tv, surrounded by bookshelf and some plants, very warm colors, shades of brown and some white here and there, pretty oldish style

It has a couch and a radio, then blueprints on the floor, guns propped up against the wall, the wallpaper is cracked and the floorboards are bulging a bit

Just regular living room, cameron’s pretty crammed bc his small apartment but it holds a nicely sized couch, tv and a dinner table (kinda like what my mom’s place had if you remember)

Who walks around in the other person’s sweaters with a sleepy look on their face?

Sharni, she’s tired ok, and in the end their sweaters look pretty much the same and they’re the same size, only difference is that Nayden’s sweaters are more warm and they have his smell on them

Pietro, all his clothes are being washed and it’s the only thing he found

Jules, Cameron own a pretty decent collection of too big sweaters, sure he has some to spare for Jules, he looks pretty adorable in them with all squinted eyes and holding a cup of tea

Who likes to be cuddled before falling asleep?

Nayden without doubt

Pietro

Cameron, (all of these were pretty much the same as the “who comes for snuggles” one)

Who goes to the store and buys their partner something small, but something that they love, to surprise them before coming home from work?

Nayden, man has no self control, if Sharni had sometimes mentioned she’d like something, he’ll make it his mission to get it for her, just a simple pack of sweets is enough reason for him to spend some coin on her

Frans, well he steals more than buys, some parts for Pietro to play with, or something to keep him fed and entertained while he’s working in the city

Jules, just a simple text like ‘hey i’m feeling bad, wanna come over’ and he knows to pick up some chocolate on the way

How do they decide who cooks super?

They take turns, unless one insists, Sharni usually does it on weekends and Nayden on the week

Pietro has more time at their place, and combining a can of beans and some rice is simple enough

They cook at their own places respectfully, and order take-out if both are too lazy, or if Roo is in bad mood Jules treats him some good ol beans and toast 

Who takes the other’s hats to go outside?

Sharni, look she wasn’t raised in bulgaria and their middle land winters, luckily enough Nayden has enough wooly hats for the entire family

Pietro, he doesn’t have the long hair covering his ears and besides, Frans owns a bunch of good looking hats

Cameron doesn’t really use hats, he just pulls up his hood if needed, and Jules has his own hats sooo

[ellanainthetardis]

Hey! If you're still taking prompts,,, can u do one where Effie gets/already has/needs glasses but she doesn't want to wear them or smth so she's squinting around but then haymitch is like wtf wear them and then he thinks she looks hot in them and sexy time ensues?

AND

Hayffie prompt? Effie wears glasses but is really insecure about them bcof her mom or something and Haymitch sees her w/out makeup wearing them…? Andreassures her she’s always been beautiful or something like that maybe pre mjidk it’s up to you THANK YOU

AND

Most prompts in my inbox about glasses :) [X]

The Pink Glasses

Haymitch startledawake with a strangled cry, heart pounding inside his chest, eyes searching theroom for the nightmarish monsters that lurked in his dreams. It had been thepink flamingos mutts that night. And Maysilee, of course. Always Maysilee.

It took him a fewminutes to make out the familiar outlines of the furniture. It was a moonlessnight and not much light was spilling from the windows. With a sigh, he slumpedback against his pillow and rubbed his face. He waited for the unease to passbut it didn’t, not even after a few gulps of moonshine. Not that surprisingreally.  

At long last hegave up and got out of bed. It was only a little past one in the morning and hesensed it would be one of those nights were only a good dose of liquor wouldconvince him to go back to sleep.

He tried to avoidgetting wasted lately though, ever since Effie had showed up at his door. Shehad nightmares and he had taken to comforting her from them - or he tried to, at least.

He would get abook. Or watch something completely stupid on TV. Maybe that would do thetrick. He had half a mind to take a leaf out of Effie’s book and spend thenight cleaning the house just to have something physical to do.

He tried to avoidthe creaking floorboards but paused at the top of the stairs when he chanced aglance at the guest room. He could see the soft glow of the bedside lampslipping through the half-opened door.

She always keptthe lights on at night, she couldn’t sleep without them – unless she crawled in his bed, she had no trouble sleeping in thesemi-darkness then. He always woke upwhen she did that. He didn’t always let her know but he always woke up. Andthen, when he fell back asleep, he always slept better. Because there wasnothing more peaceful to him than having her within reach. Sometimes, theyended up cuddling and that was even better, the source of warmth at his side,the smell of her perfume… It was usually enough to make him feel safe.

He rubbed hiseyes again, really not in the mood to spend half the night trying to run awayfrom the ghosts lurking in the shadows. He wanted to sleep, in truth. He wasexhausted.

And he couldn’tafford liquor but maybe…

His feet took herto her room before he could talk himself out of it.

He pushed herdoor completely open with some hesitation, relaxing a little when he found herin bed, a book propped on her bend knees and ridiculously pink glasses perchedon her nose. He wouldn’t have climbed in her bed uninvited – his was alwaysopen to her but the reverse… he wouldn’t take that for granted.

She snatched theglasses off her nose and frowned a little at him. “Is something wrong?”

He made a face,shuffled his weight from one bare foot to the next and then stepped in, vaguelygesturing to the bed. “You mind if…”

He let hissentence trail off on purpose.

She studied him.He kept his gaze resolutely away from hers but he knew she could see everythingon his face anyway. The tightness at the corner of his mouth, the reddish eyes,the shaking hands… She had known him too long not to know the signs.

“Of course not.”she smiled, lifting the blankets in invitation and moving closer to her side ofthe bed. He climbed in without needing to be told twice, curled up on his sideto watch her, leaving enough space between them that she wouldn’t feel crowded.“Do you want to talk about it?” He snorted because it was a stupid question andshe rolled her eyes.   “Well, it was only polite to ask.”

“Won’t staylong.” he promised, wary of forcing his presence on her.

He wasn’t certainwhere they were at.

She lived in hishouse – as temporarily as she claimed that arrangement was – she sought him forcomfort but their friendship was on rocky ground since the war. And the part oftheir acquaintance that wasn’t friendship… Well… That part seemed to have beenlost somewhere. Not for him. That was the irony. He had reached Thirteen andsuddenly everything had been very, very clear.What he felt for her, how much he needed her… So obviously fate being the bitchit was, he had lost her to the Capitol. And he had gotten her back…

He had thoughtthey might be alright at first. The first few weeks after her rescue… She hadclung to him, had dismissed his apologies and explanations because she couldn’tdeal with them, had refused to stop and think about what had happened becauseshe needed him to go on. They had fallen back in bed, albeit hesitantly on herpart, a few times but he had known something was wrong even then. The changehad been gradual but he had seen it coming. When he had announced he needed toleave with Katniss…

He had nevermeant for that to mean they couldn’t be together but she had exploded in a rageof accusations. She had claimed he had only used her for sex – from the start –that he always left her behind, that he didn’t care… He had refuted everythingand had asked her to come with them but she had been hysterical in her mistrustand there had been no convincing her. He hadn’t had much time to do so either.With only an hour to spare, he had been forced to leave her to collect Katniss,very much hammering the nail in the coffin of their relationship.

He had honestlybeen surprised when she had showed up in Twelve, even more stunned when she hadquietly – and discreetly – asked him if he could host her for a little whileuntil she found a new place, a job and some stability. He had opened his house,of course, and his arms with it.

At no point hadthey discussed what had happened on the day of his departure for Twelve. Theyacted as if they never had a relationship that was more than friendship. Itwasn’t mentioned, it wasn’t hinted at and there was no clue that she wanted himto bring it up so he tried to respect her wishes.

“It is alright.”she hummed, looking back at her book. “You can stay the night if you want. Iinvade your bedroom often enough. Turnabout is fair play.”

Turnabout is fair play…

How many timeshad that sentence been used in a different context?

He chasedmemories of her delicate hands gripping his wrists out of his mind. Sneaking inher bed because he had a nightmare was bad enough, getting a boner once therebecause of a stupid phrase would be pathetic.

He didn’tacknowledge that offer even if he relaxed a little against the pillow. Hecouldn’t see what she was reading. She wasn’t usually a great reader, the onlynovels he had seen her read were romance stuff he certainly didn’t have on hisshelves. She hadn’t gone out in weeks and he was pretty sure she didn’t havebooks in her suitcase – she hadn’t brought much in her suitcase but secondhandclothes that were too thin for Twelve and all the mementos she had managed tosave from her apartment both after it was ransacked and after it was seized bythe government.

He couldn’t seethe cover and the few words he caught on the page didn’t tell him much. It wasvaguely familiar but it didn’t ring any bell. It was a paperback though somaybe she had found something she had liked on his bookshelf. He had a goodcollection of cheap Capitol novels he had picked up over the years. Crimenovels and thrillers, mainly. Not quite her thing, though.

His gaze traveledfrom the page to her face and he smirked when he saw her squinting a little.

“Those glasses mightwork better on your nose.” he teased, tapping the fist in which the glasseswere trapped.

She made a face.“They are just for comfort. I don’t need them.”

“Light isn’t goodfor reading.” he pointed out.

She pursed herlips and turned the page a little too abruptly. “I am perfectly fine.”

She clearlywasn’t but he wasn’t sure he wanted to press that particular button.

Fashion was fornatural looks thanks to the Districts’ influence, she claimed. And he knewperfectly well just how ill-at-ease she was about that. She never wore wigsanymore, kept her make-up light… She didn’t have the kind of money needed toafford a couture wardrobe… She wasself-conscious about the scars on her body… He had never known her to beinsecure before the war, not when she had still be in full battle armor, exceptwhen he had asked her to take the make-up and the wig off… It had taken him along time to convince her to let him see her bare and natural, even longer toconvince her he actually liked her betterlike that. She had eventuallygrown comfortable with being without artifices around him, simply happy that heliked what he saw, but she had never learned to see herself like he saw her.

So now, walkingaround with blond hair she judged too plain and not enough make-up to hide theflaws she always found on her face… She never hinted at not being at ease withthat but he saw it.

“I’ve seen thembefore.” he shrugged, taking pain to keep his voice casual. “It’s no big deal.”

But for her it would be.

He wasn’t evensure how she could have hidden the glasses as long as she had. He had onlyfound out during the Tour because he had walked in her room late one nightwithout knocking first to find her crossed-legged on the bed, hair pinned up ina messy bun, glasses on top of her nose and looking completely dead on herfeet. They had both been dead on their feet back then. They had spent halftheir nights on that Tour perfecting speeches and going over schedules to thepoint they hadn’t seen straight – and to the point she hadn’t really caredabout her looks because they had been too focused on making sure the kids cut it.

“Nothing is evera big deal for you.” she grumbled.

Again, he thoughtit would be wiser to let the matter drop entirely. But he had never been verygood at letting things drop.

“What’s thatsupposed to mean?” he retorted, probably too defensively.

She shot him aglare, opening her mouth only to close it again, take a deep breath and focuson her book again. “Nothing.”

“Oh, come on…” hescoffed. “Don’t do the passive aggressive bullshit.You’ve got something to say, fucking sayit. Never stopped yourself before.”

She pursed herlips in clear annoyance but when she talked, her tone was clipped and calm. “Itwas before.”

His irritationfaded. He slowly reached out across the space between them again, lightlystroking her forearm with a finger. She didn’t shrug him off and he countedthat as a win but she didn’t give any clue that it was welcome either so hefolded his finger, letting his hand rest there on the bed, not too far from herwrist. “Maybe we should talk aboutbefore, Effie.”

“About which partspecifically?” she chuckled bitterly. “The Games? Prison? Those are not periodsof my life I care to revisit.”

“Us.” he said.

How such a smallword could sound so ominous, he didn’t know. He was reminded of the terrifyingnoise of the bombs raining down on them in Thirteen. How a sound could be soterrible…

“Was there everan us to talk about?” she scowled and then shook her head. “I do not know whatyou want me to say, Haymitch. We never had anything. We had sex. We had…”

“It was more thanthat.” he spat, propping himself on his elbow just so they were at the sameheight. He didn’t want to have this conversation with her towering over him.“You know it was more than that. Notat first, yeah… But, come on,sweetheart… Maybe I was a stubborn blind idiot but you never were.”

She sighed andlet her book fall close on her finger, staring at the round light the lampprojected on the ceiling. “I cannot afford for us to fight and for you to kickme out…”

“I would never…”he protested.

“…or for me tofeel that I should leave because I am not saying what you want to hear.” shefinished without even pausing to acknowledge he had opened his mouth. “I havenowhere else to go.”

“You’re homehere.” he frowned. “Look, I’m a grown man, I can take a no and not be an ass about it.”

She studied himfor a few seconds, looking thoughtful. “A noto what question? Are you asking for sex?”

“No.” he snapped.“I’m asking for… I’m asking if…” He stopped, cringed at his own inability toword that stuff and eventually flopped down on his back and pressed the heelsof his hands against his eyes, wondering why he had even gotten out of bed atall. He should simply have remained there with his moonshine and… “Guess I’masking if there’s any hope you’re ever going to forgive me.”

“For what?” sheasked.

He chuckledbitterly. “Ain’t gonna make this easy for me, are you?”

“Not in theleast.” she confirmed.

There was a hintof teasing in her voice and he dropped his hands to look at her again. And shewas so beautiful… Reddish blond hair falling on to a little below her chin inwild curls, sparkling blue eyes, lips that begged to be kissed…

“Letting youdown.” he said at last. “I’m sorry for letting you down. I never meant for youto get hurt. Never.”

“I know.” shehummed, averting her eyes. “I had a few… chatswith Plutarch. What happened to me… You were not responsible for it. Iunderstand that and I do not blame you.”

“I should havegrabbed you and kept you with me.” he growled, old regrets railing their uglyheads. “Shouldn’t have trusted anyone else to do my job.”

“Protecting mewasn’t your job, Haymitch. Your job was to protect the children. My job was to protect all of you.” shecorrected.

“A man protectshis family.” he countered. That was how he had been raised. That was what hehad sworn to himself after his father had walked out on them. “A man protectshis…” Words failed him. He wasn’t sure which one was the right one. Lover would have been too dismissive. Girlfriend was ridiculous. Wife was too much and as inaccurate asit got. Partner was too vague. In theend he swallowed hard and shook his head. “You’re my family and I shouldn’thave trusted anyone else to protect you.”

“You thought itwas safer that way.” she pointed out. “And from what Plutarch told me, you didnot have much choice anyway. He was the one calling the shots.”

He suspectedPlutarch had tried to direct her anger on himself to spare him but he didn’twant to live in a lie. “I had weight. I could have insisted. I let themconvince me that the hovercraft could be shot out of the sky at any point andthat you would be safer with the prep team.”

“Was it true?”she asked, sounding curious.

“If it had workedout, then yeah.” he admitted. “But it didn’t and…”

“I do not blameyou for that.” she cut him off.

“But you blame mefor something else.” he sighed, rubbing his face. “For leaving with Katniss…”

“Not really.” sheadmitted quietly. “I was angry about you leaving me, yes, but I knew you hadto. I just… I did not want to be left alone.”

“You could havecome.” he said. “I told you… I wantedyou to come.”

“I did.” shepointed out.

“Yeah, after awhole year of silence and because you had no more money and no roof over yourhead.” he scoffed and immediately regretted it when she flinched. He grabbedher wrist before she could even think about doing something as stupid asfleeing. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m…” He sighed. “I ain’t good at this, sweetheart, you know I ain’t.”

“I wanted you toput me first.” she whispered, her eyes riveted to the hand encasing her wrist.“It is stupid, of course, because even then I knew the children had to come first, I would not havewanted it any other way either, but… For once, I wanted to be the mostimportant thing for you. It was utterly selfish, naturally, but as you so oftenpointed out, I am very selfish. Ijust wanted someone to put me first.”

He closed hiseyes, squeezing her wrist by reflex. “Katniss…”

“I know,Haymitch.” she sighed. “I know. They are your children and I come after themand it is as it should be but… It is hard to never be enough.”

“They’re yourkids too.” he argued. “And you’re enough. You’ve always been more than fucking enough. You’re… You’re so farout my league, it’s a joke.”

She rolled hereyes. “And yet you prefer a ghost to me.”

His heart misseda beat at the barely veiled reference to Mabel. He hadn’t spared a thought forhis dead girl in a very long time. Not like she was implying at least.

“Effie…” hefrowned.

But she gentlyfreed herself from his grip and he fell silent, watching as she placed theglasses back on her nose. She didn’t open the book again though.

“It hurts not tobe loved as much as you love someone.” she whispered. “I should be used to it,I know, but… I do not think I ever loved anyone as much as I have loved you. Ido not think you ever realized how much I…” She laughed and it was all wrong.Sad and bitter. “I would have left the Capitol if you had asked. If it had beenpossible for me to give up my citizenship and go with you to Twelve, I wouldhave. I knew you would never consent to live in the city with me so I wouldhave left it behind for you. I would have become a nobody for you. I wouldhave… I would have killed for you. Iwould have done anything to pleaseyou. I have loved you that badly.Blindly. Completely. I would have died for you and I almost did in those cells.Out of loyalty. Out of… I refused to hate you. They were harsher on me becauseI refused to hate you.” She sighed. “Ihate myself for giving you that much power over me. I was a fool. I am a fool. My mother was right all alongand that vexes me perhaps even more than you not loving me enough.”

It was a lot totake in and Haymitch clenched his jaw, torn between getting angry and defensiveand just being sad over the whole mess.

“You don’t knowwhat it is to lose people you love.” he stated quietly.

“I lost my familyand all my friends to this war.” she spat. “I lost my parents, my sister, mynephews… I lost Finnick. I lost…”

She fell silent,took a deep breath and breathed out slowly.

He took advantageof that, staring at the wall straight ahead, regretting having even startedthat conversation in the first place. “You weren’t sixteen and they’re not deadbecause of you. Ain’t saying it’s not hard, sweetheart, just… It’s different. Loving someone… For me it wasa death sentence. You know that. They would have used you against me and then…Then what?” He shook his head.“You’re angry ‘cause I made you a fool? Sweetheart, how many times did I makemyself a fool for you?”

“I do not see…”she started.

He scoffed,cutting her off. “I’ve been the butt of the joke ever since we slept togetherthe first time, Effie. Chaff and Finnick… Everyone else… They kept teasing andI kept denying and I was always the butt of the joke ‘cause they knew how Ifelt and it was funny to them ‘cause it was just ridiculous. Victor and escort…Not exactly the stuff of fairy tales.”

“We were not thefirst.” she pointed out.

“Sure, weweren’t. We weren’t the only ones.” he shrugged. “Ain’t the point, is it? Pointis… It was easier to make it a joke ‘cause it was too dangerous. I couldn’t fuckingbear a guy simply flirting with you, I almost killed a hundred of them just forputting their paws on you at those parties…” He shook his head. “I spent entirewinters obsessing over you, what you were doing, with who… You’re worse thanbooze sometimes… I crave you like…You’re like a buzz under my skin. And, yeah, I didn’t want it at the time‘cause feeling that much…” He lickedhis lips. “Losing you… See, I told myself again and again I hated you even whenI knew better deep down and it wasn’teven enough to stop me from… I lost everyone once and it fucking destroyed me. If I had let them know… If I had let myself know… I couldn’t risk that. Icouldn’t risk losing you. So I’m fuckingsorry I don’t know how to make pretty speeches, can’t even tell you how much I…Got no excuse, really, but I can promise one thing. It wasn’t about unrequitedfeelings. Never was about unrequited feelings.”

There was a verylong silence.

Then fingers brushedhis closed fist, stroke his skin until it unclenched and her palm could slidagainst his.

“We are toxic foreach other.” she said slowly. “There is too much passion between us. All we dois hurt each other.”

“That’s a lie.”he scowled. “At first maybe but now… I need you. You need me.” At least, hehoped so. “We help each other. We’re a team. We’re still a team, yeah?”

“Always.” shepromised with a  soft smile.

She played withhis fingers and he let her, bracing himself for the next part.

“You used pasttense.” he commented after a couple of minutes. She had said she had loved him and that…

“I have spent along time trying to convince myself my feelings for you are past tense.” sheadmitted. “But…” She sighed and placed the book on the bedside table to slidfurther down the bed, taking off her pink glasses to toy with them. She twirledthem by one of the branches. “You never treated me like Capitol men did. Thatwas what made it impossible for me to let you go. You saw me, the real me, andyou wanted me anyway. Plain and common Effie”

He snorted androlled on his side to steal the glasses from her hand. “I’ve never seen youlooking plain.”

A spark ofamusement danced in her eyes. “I love that you think I am not plain without my make-up and my wigs. And I love thatyou think I am not ugly with those glasses.”

“I’m liking thepresent tense.” he smirked, gently pushing the glasses back on her nose.“Though, I don’t think, I’m just stating a fact. You’re gorgeous. Anyonewho looks at you can see that.”

She leaned in andhis smirk softened. He strained his neck to meet her lips halfway, thirsty forthem like he had never been thirsty for anything else. It was a tame kiss, abit hesitant maybe. And the glasses were squashed between them, which made themboth chuckle like idiots.

“Alright, maybethey’re better off when we do that…” he commented, drawing back just enough toslip them off and toss them on the bedside table. Just in time for her tobundle his shirt in her fist and tug him in a kiss that was a lot less tame.

Well…

If he had knowntalking about glasses would solve so many unvoiced problems he would have triedit a long time ago.

[thenerdofnerdynerds]

5 things post ♥

Thanks to @studyblr2019 for tagging me!

🍁5 things you'll find in my bag🍁

1. My calculator, literally all my teachers would kill me if I were to forget it.

2. My pencil case, what is a student without a pencul case?

3. My wallet, I live of the cheap 35 cent coffee from the coffee machine.

4. My sketchbook, I need to have a creative outlet with me.

5. My binder, because we ALWAYS get papers with tips and notes from teachers.

🍁5 things you'll find in my room🍁

1. My fuzzy black blanket, it keeps me soft and warm.

2. My entire wall covered in posters, because I am a big nerd who loves posters.

3. Art supplies for daaaaays, I have practically every type of paint and pencils to last me a decade.

4. Books! My current bookshelf is full and I am running out of other shelves...

5. A big monkey plushie. It is 1.20 meters aka 4 feet tall.

🍁5 things that make me happy🍁

1. Old music bc the vocals are gorgeous.

2. Making art. It is very calming and currently the only thing that I have concentration for.

3. Chatting while drinking tea, it is such a nice and warm thing to do.

4. Ink. Ink bottles are so pretty and sparkly inks make such nice art!

5. Watching the Game Grumps is also definitly a thing that nakes me happy.

🍁5 things I'm currently into🍁

1. Glow-in-the-dark ink. I have one that lights up blue, but I recently found out about a red one and oooooh boy I want it.

2. My Nintendo Switch, I bought it wednesday last week.

3. Marine biology and stuff. I love the ocean and all the little (and big) things that inhabit it.

4. Fuzzy socks bc my toes are always cold these days.

5. Cycling really early or really late in the dark. The world just has a very pure feeling to it when you're seemingly the only one out.

(Look at it glow!)

I tag @justedgehere and @sergle

[alyssumaimatia]

a list of my favourite books (09/24/17)

- the book thief by markus zusak aka the book i forced most of my friends to read because i love it so much except i refuse to read it as often as i think about it because i cry every single time. but every once in a while, i just think about it bc its just such a powerful book and fun fact my grade 11 english teacher actually didnt rly like that book (how) but she had it in her classroom and i sat next to her bookshelf and would just read the first few pages sometimes bc the intro is rly different once you know how the entire book goes and its so nice. i lent out my copy of the book thief to people so the cover is actually ripped at the edge of the binding bc its paperback but its okay bc all of my friends liked that book and cried over it

- the kite runner by khaled hosseini which was recommended to me after i recommended the book thief to someone else and i had gone to the thrift shop with friends and it just happened to be on the shelf in pretty good condition (like someone obviously read it but it wasnt beat up or anything) guess what i finished it in like two days and cried again at 2am (also a thousand splendid suns bc woW TEARS  i havent read his third book yet though)

- after dark by haruki murakami which i borrowed from @lunasea and took forever to give back. it  has prompted me to read several other haruki murakami books because they make me feel very nostalgic for things that haven’t happened and therefore make me want to do these things that haven’t happened and also i really want to go places and wander around and now that i’m in university more i actually get to do - that to some extent and it makes me feel accomplished

- wuthering heights by emily bronte is a weird one bc its a classic and everything plus i actually had to read it for class buT i really enjoyed it. It was scary in a weird way but it was nice to think about how everyone kind of got what they were waiting for in the end (also the ending was really bittersweet and i loved it) so i’m calling this a favourite for now but we’ll see if i feel that way a year from now

- carry on by rainbow rowell is such!! a happy book!!! even though i read a lot of sadder books that require thinking and emotion, i really love reading carry on because it makes me happy and also rainbow rowell in general is just great also i have a signed copy of the book from some promotion that was going on and just hahusaohoia. her book eleanor and park was actually a favourite for a while, but i haven’t read it in at least two years i think so its not on the favourites list right now

- the martian by andy weir is!! great . it’s one of those books that people keep telling me to read (except not really bc it was actually my dads colleagues telling him but my dad told me bc he knew i’d been interested) and they were saying that it was better than the movie. i’m not really a movie person but i read the book anyway and like wow it was really funny and good and i liked it and also i was so shocked when i found out that andy weir was the person who wrote that viral story about the universe being an egg and that everyone was everyone and wow weird

- ready player one by ernest cline is a book i read because jenn im from clothesencounters recommended it and it was really the only young adult book that she had in her video i think so i read it and i finished it in like a day and i honestly want to get my own copy because i just got it from the library because it was so good and then after i finished it, i googled it and found out that its being made into a movie which makes me sO excited like i’m actually going to go watch that just to see what its like, but i’m going to reread the book first

- the little prince by antoine de saint-exupery is one of those books that everyone should read in their lifetime. i actually bought the book in chinese first (simplified) when i was in guangzhou over the summer bc a) i’m trying to learn chinese and the little prince is like my goal book and b) the cover of it was so so pretty so i borrowed an english version from one of my friends and read it in little bits over a few days and after i returned it, i went and bought my own so now i have both versions of the little prince just there on my bookshelf and its nice

if you read this entire thing pls send me recommendations bc i have a serious problem with going to bookstores and wandering around for an hour debating what to buy

[midnightliar]

the beautiful, luminous, inimitable @violaeade​ tagged me for 50 book questions!

1. What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

oh maybe everything leads to you by nina lacour! it just really gets to me

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

uhh idk what’s the longest harry potter book bc probably that? i dont... read books that long usually

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

ummm i think and then there were none by agatha christie? i dont keep track by time tbh but i dont read that many old books bc i tend to have trouble reading them

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

the raven cycle lol

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

oh god most of them? 99% of the lesbian ones for sure. percy jackson would make an excellent animated movie series imo. i’m clearly biased but tasu/teota would be great on screen. 

6. What is your favourite stand-alone book?

most of the gay ones i read are standalones and theres so many good ones... i already said everything leads to you but we are okay and you know me well are also extremely good! of fire and stars killed me as well. 

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

god. straight ones? ones that i heard are racist or homo/lesbo/bi/transphobic, but in general i’m picky abt what i read bc i don’t read that many books.

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

i was gonna say i don’t feel guilty about not reading books i don’t like/don’t want to but that’s a lie- babe if ur reading this i am SO sorry i never finished the last chaos walking book

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

most of them lol that’s what i get for living in america. i read we are okay pretty recently which takes place in new york, the state i was born in, so that’s a bit more specific.

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

i have 2 copies of redwall for no reason other than my high school library was selling one for a dollar so i bought it even tho i had it already. i have a couple copies of some of the a wrinkle in time books bc i got some of them as gifts a bunch. 

11. What horror book made you really scared?

omg i don’t read horror but that one skulduggery pleasant short story about bubba moon or whatever freaked me the fuck out tbh

12. What book do you passionately hate?

um i haven’t read enough terrible books to say i hate them that passionately? but i rly kinda hated trc. oh yeah i read the first c*aptive pr*nce book in hs on the recommendation of a friend and it just made me so uncomfortable the entire time i really. did not have a good time with that one and i wish i hadn’t read it

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

skulduggery pleasant! theres 9 books plus short stories i still can’t believe i read all those

14. What book gives you happy memories?

aw sabrina answered this with the flywheel by erin gough and i have to say the same bc she sent it to me for my birthday, full of annotations of thoughts and jokes she made herself AND got it signed by the author, and i’ve uhhhh never felt so loved in my life

15. What book made you cry?

oh the book thief for sure. everything leads to you made me cry a bunch while rereading it even tho its not sad? thos were love tears. that happens a lot actually.

16. What book made you laugh?

skulduggery pleasant! there’s so many good lines in that one. my dad used to always hand me a book he’d just read and tell me to read a certain chapter he found hilarious but i never read the whole book but he always found hilarious memoirs too.

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

lmaoo like all the books i read are gay? the abyss surrounds us/the edge of the abyss have really unique lesbian characters because they’re so angry and vindictive and dumb and interesting and DRAMATIC so that one gets a shout out

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

what the fuck is that (ok i legit just finished reading when the moon was ours by anna marie mclemore tho bc my gf rec’d it and it was p good)

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

does fantasy count? bc then of fire and stars. uhh chaos walking is on a new planet. a wrinkle in time involves other planets too! wow i’m crushing this one

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

the raven cycle lol i thought it was a finished trilogy when i started the first book so i just never read the last one and i am so relieved

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

not really? i don’t really feel pressure, i value recommendations from my girlfriend friends way more than things that are trending or popular. i’ve read a couple that i blindly picked from internet lists that i didn’t care for tho but that was really a while ago

22. What famous author have you not read any books by?

pretty much any author we were supposed to read in high school. any classic or even modern famous author i probably haven’t read. i’ve read like a dozen books ever

23. Who is your favourite author of all time?

tbh nina lacour is really up there. when i was really young it was definitely gail carson levine. i rly loved anne ursu’s books as well.

24. How many bookshelves do you own?

only one! and a bunch of boxes that i never unpacked after we moved like 3 years ago. my mom wants to put a big wall bookshelf in our house somewhere bc this one didn’t come with any like our last house did but who knows if that’ll happen.

25. How many books do you own?

are u trying to make me count?

26. What is your favourite non-fiction book?

ohhh i don’t read much of this genre. i always avoided it as a kid and i’ve been meaning to get into it more but i haven’t yet. i’m really looking forward to reading a sally ride biography tho

27. What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

the chronus chronicles by anne ursu were my JAM in elementary/middle school omg. i also really loved the may bird series which i didn’t read until high school.

28. What is your next book on your TBR?

i’m about to start georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit finally! my gf bought me 10 things i can see from here and i love her so whenever that arrive i’m probably gonna devour that. i want to reread a wrinkle in time soon since the trailer comes out this weekend! plus a million others

29. What book are you currently reading?

i literally just finished when the moon was ours which felt like it took me ten years to read and i haven’t started another yet but it’ll be georgia peaches bc thats the other one i got from the library and i already had to renew them haha

30. What book are you planning on buying next?

um this old west lesbian novel called backwards to oregon! i’ve been craving westerns lately but as always i’m also craving gay content

31. What was the cheapest book you bought?

i used to buy a ton of old paperbacks, usually goofy looking sf or fantasy novels from library sales for dollars or quarters so definitely those.

32. What was the most expensive book you bought?

i can tell u the most expensive book i got for free was a beautiful bound collection of hg wells stories that i just got from some book at bea before it was bookcon lol

ones i actually paid for... do art books count??

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

nah i usually have no intention of reading the book if i watched the show/movie first

34. What is the newest book you have bought?

akdjghksjgh a lesbian western novella called from the boots up for a few bucks on kindle

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

the rest of the gay books i’ve bought but haven’t read yet! not your sidekick and labyrinth lost, i’m VERY excited to reread a wrinkle in time and i also really want to read stone butch blues

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

crush by sr silcox has the cutest lesbian teen summer romance AND one them is secretly a rock star avoiding her fame bc her controlling dad was turning into HIS dream instead of HERS akdjghksdjgh its fantastic i adored it

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

oh no i’m dumb as hell

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

for some reason dave at night by gail carson levine popped into my head first? that was my favorite as a kid and i reread it all the time and i think it took place in the 20s or 30s with all that good good jazz shit

39. What book offended you?

hm not sure how to answer this one

40. What is the weirdest book you have read?

idk the may bird series was pretty weird. gone by michael grant? i read the first for a high school book club and i just could not get into it or understand it even a little

41. What is your favourite duology?

ditty the abyss surrounds us & the edge of the abyss !!

42. What is your favourite trilogy?

wow i really haven’t read that many trilogies esp ones i loved. i guess may bird or the chronus chronicles then!

43. What book did you buy because of its cover?

the maze runner! also bc i heard it was good but i hated that book so

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

honestly i can’t think of one rn

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

nope! i also hated poetry as a kid and have only tried to get into it recently. i have a book of sappho’s fragments and i want to get tracy k smith from the library but thats about it

46. Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

nope

47. Do you own any historical fiction?

thats possible

48. What book made you angry?

the maze runner really did?? for some reason and i don’t get mad that much but it just really had me steamin. sabrina also said grasshopper jungle and i’m inclined to say same lmao. i haven’t read it but seeing all the lesbophobia in not otherwise specified recently made me really mad and also upset

49. What book has inspired you?

aw inspired is a serious word to throw around. the miseducation of cameron post, idk if it “inspired” me but it was my first lesbian novel and that really did a lot for me.

50. What book got you into reading?

i think it was a wrinkle in time! or maybe roald dahl books before that, but a wrinkle in time was definitely up there, and maybe the shadow thieves by anne ursu

i’m tagging @reading-takes-you-places and @mywomensworld and anyone who wants to! i don’t talk to many people here but if you follow me and want to, go for it!

[millababicheva]

have more victuuri headcanons

because it’s valentine’s day and victor and yuuri are in love! always in love. just especially in love on this day. as usual, my headcanons? all over the place! but i do actually focus on their wedding details because i’m a loser, and i wanted to hop onto the bandwagon and do a thing for…

#victuuriweek (day eight: life and love)

also, i’m pretty sure this is the longest headcanon set i have ever written, and here are the others if you missed them:

part one - two - three - four - part five

i like thinking about their apartment a lot and the fact that they have an entire wall dedicated to friends, family, and at least one picture (or five) of like. every vacation they have ever been to ever. 

and for all the pictures they can’t fit, they scrapbook it

pretty sure i’ve made this headcanon before but scrapbooking is just! so much fun! and it’s a more creative way of presenting all these pictures and memories and just? they love? doing things? with each other? it’s just 10x more fun

they have like a little bookshelf in their apartment just dedicated to their scrapbooks, and they love watching the shelf fill up over the years. there’s like two from the wedding, one that was a gift from phichit (because of course he would be the one to give them a scrapbook wedding gift chock-full of pics. he has all the pics) and the other is one they ended up getting put together at the end of the wedding after all the photo booth pics and it’s full of messages from all their friends and family who were in the photo and it’s just. it’s so cute. imagine it

idk about you guys, but all the weddings i’ve been to have those cute little photo booth things you go to with big goofy glasses, sparkly feather boa scarves, sequin hats, and a bunch of other fun stuff

so like. i like to imagine everyone invited just. leaving them so many pics. you got all their ice skating pals hitting up the booth several times, in different groups, just having a ball

and the most fun they have is when they finally end their rounds to every table and head on over to the photo booth to take fun pics with everyone

yuuri and victor literally?? never get tired?? their endless reserve of energy is absolutely connected to how much they love each other

they’re literally doing lifts and posing in the most ridiculous positions with phichit and chris and just!! all their friends!! but everybody is laughing out loud, everybody is dancing and having a blast

they end up with pages and pages and pages full of pics, from the katsuki family to the nikiforov family to their ice skating pals to friends to mentors to everyone!! absolutely everyone. they are all so happy i cannot possibly stress how happy their wedding night will be

okay so like. i just need to have a separate section to talk about their wedding now. i just gotta

you’re talking about a wedding between victor “i flew all of my belongings over from russia to live in an entirely different country to see you” nikiforov and yuuri “lemme just propose to you spur of the moment in this here cathedral in spain among a choir in literally the most romantic ambiance you can think off” katsuki. do u seriously think it won’t be big deal?

but of course, it’s not like it’s gigantic with so many people, but like there is a pre-wedding shoot…. several, but not all pictures made it to the magazines, of course

i am personally a big fan of @jinlian‘s hc about victor’s suit because honestly? agreed. victor’s suit is hideous but he most definitely lost a bet to yuuri for something or another

but who cares? because they had so much fun even though victor was internally screaming from the fashion atrocity he was forced to wear

but it’s only for a little while as a joke because their real suits are the top notch expensive shit

like… you’ve met victor nikiforov. he has nearly $7,000 sunglasses made of 18kt gold, and in the same pic, he’s in a multi-million dollar vintage car… 

he also has a very large gold collection… you can’t possibly miss how extra and high maintenance he is come on

and it’s his wedding of all things. he’s not letting himself and yuuri walk down the aisle in drab clothing. who do you think he is

i don’t have any specific pictures in mind, but watch it be idk brioni? heck, bigger, even. alexander amosu suit

i mean…. i barely googled anything but amosu’s vanquish ii bespoke literally has buttons made of 18kt gold and valued at $101,860……. realistically, it’s a bit of a stretch, but….. this is victor nikiforov. this is yuuri katsuki. nothing can ever be a stretch.

of course they have a june wedding and coordinate the flowers and everything because why the heck not

juliet roses? lily of the valley? hydrangeas? peonies? all of it

the press won’t cover their actual wedding day, but they do have a professional camera crew and photographers basically following them around all day

my aunt did this for her wedding and it was the cutest thing so voila now victor and yuuri are doing it

and they play a mini-video at the reception and oh my god i have never seen a room so moved and just. overwhelmed with tears and happiness

i cannot possibly stress enough how much of an impact victor and yuuri’s love has on other people on their wedding night especially. everyone is just so, so happy for them. not to mention that their speeches? a mess

yuuko’s crying… takeshi’s crying…. the triplets are crying but also trying very hard to post pictures of the wedding and reception

but let’s face it… phichit has them beat, only narrowly beating chris and leo by a hair bc they, too, are instagram legends

minako is a very drunk but happy mess she’s just rlly happy for yuuri because!! she literally watched him grow up! she’s essentially a second mother to him!! she was there when he came out, when he had an anxiety attack, when he won his first gold medal! she’s just…. she’s really emotional okay

and oh man….. mari…. hiroko…. toshiya….. they are…. A Mess™ to say the least, but a very happy, crying mess and every time yuuri looks over at them with the biggest, beaming smile on his face, their hearts swell with so much happiness! and love!! it’s just so great seeing him so happy because of victor oh man

yurio…. that kid’s a mess….. he has no idea why he’s crying so much…. but he can’t stay mad or pissed because heck these are the two people who’s helped him grow as a skater, two people he’s looked up to, two people who still treat him with kindness and respect despite him being such an asshole when he first met yuuri…. he’s grown since then, but man….. he can’t imagine not having met the both of them, not having grown because of the two of them, and it just. it really gets to him!

and phichit. oh man. he’s such a happy mess of tears. he’s so happy for his best friend. really. he’s never seen yuuri so happy, and it’s the most precious thing in the whole world. he remembers when he first met yuuri, back in detroit when yuuri was in college and showing up to training everyday. heck, he even stays up late to practice sometimes and just. this is his friend. one of his best friend. someone he really, honestly truly admires and he stays up all night making that scapbook wedding gift because he loves his friend so much

and chris oh man. i like to think that he’s pretty close friends with victor, you know? and they are, i mean episode 10 is proof enough but… they probably had late night thought talks. victor probably shared a bit of his loneliness, wondering if he would find life and love, and chris looks at him now, beaming and standing by his husband’s side and all he can think is how proud he is of victor!! for finding exactly what he was looking for 

victor and yuuri rarely spend any time away from each other and can’t stop looking at each other and bursting out laughing because oh! my god! we are married! can’t believe i love you so much! and i’m going to keep falling in love with you! every single day! for the rest of my life!

they literally dance through the night oh it’s so fun and wonderful seeing them together can you just. imagine. the laughter. the beaming smiles. the speeches. 

yuuri and victor swear to each other happy, and though they know that there will be plenty of bumps on the road, they still make each other happy. they still love each other

at the end of the day, victor and yuuri decide that it’s all that really matters. and they would never go back to change a single thing

[carterhaughs]

Anyways I hope my last 3 asks went through I'm having shaky connection. Thank you for that recc and those links! Yes I appreciated the Jyn love you got going around here just browsing on your page has shown me a lot people do love and her care about her something I am happy to see for my faves. I listen to your fanmix for RebelCaptain you really have a talent for choosing out songs for characters/ships. The side tells me you watching Mercy Street do you like it? I still haven't finished it.

I got them; thanks for all those life updates! I wish you luck with everything and am glad that you at least got to choose some of those activities yourself. Yes - there are a lot of friendly and talented Jyn fans! And they always love the rest of characters so it’s not like doing so is mutually exclusive. I’m really glad you like that mix; I’m working on one for Cassian. I haven’t finished it either - just seen the first episode! I’ve been so busy lately and jumping around on shows I watch...nearly finished with The OA (I recommend that to you as well) and just started Versailles (very beautifully made but there was a rape scene in the first episode...we’ll see how it is as I continue. a lot of the characters intrigue me). But I want to catch up to Mercy Street before the new season starts. 

and re: my life, since you asked in another ask - here’s the long answer and the short one is it’s busy but it’s good! I’m managing to take care of my health - mental and physical - as well as get all my work done so that is a relief. Once I’ve gussied up my room a bit more I’d like to post some more pictures of it. But I’ve got a makeshift bookshelf, a card table covered in scarves that serves as a desk, and a comfy futon to sleep on with some string lights at my bedside. I need to ask my landlord if it’s ok to hang stuff on the walls bc I want to go wild with paintings and posters. I cook a lot of my own food and bake my own bread and manage to live pretty cheaply but comfortably which is great for me and my parents and something to be proud of I think.

[rilenerocks]

  A good friend of mine told me a while back that I was “living large.” I guess I’d have to agree with her. After Michael died, I thought very hard about how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I’d always thought that based on the longevity in Michael’s family, that I’d either die before him or that we’d age together. I didn’t know what I’d feel like after the five years of his cancer dominating our lives. In the months before his death, he’d ask me what I was going to do without him. I truthfully responded that I had absolutely no clue. We’d been together for so many decades. I never imagined life absent his presence. He encouraged me to find partnership, saying I was born to be with someone. As it turns out, that was true. But apparently he was the only someone. I haven’t had the slightest interest in these past few years of seeking out a new companion. I’m still with him. But I have chosen to live in ways that I would’ve liked to share with him. Ways that I know would he’d be glad I’d chosen, an active adventurous life, both mentally and physically. The mental part has been easy. I’ve always been intellectually motivated and curious so there’s no end to my interests. I can say that happily, I’m never bored. I’m more likely to be frustrated that there isn’t enough time in a day for me to explore all my ideas.

The more physically demanding life was more of a challenge. After hobbling around with two bone-on-bone knees, I finally got replacements which changed the way I could experience the world. But even before that, I struck out on my own, traveling alone to Sedona and the National Monuments of Arizona. I spent a week in Cincinnati, enjoying my first ever professional tennis tournament and seeing my beloved Roger Federer. I went alone to Glacier National Park and also took a fifteen day road trip with my son which covered twelve states. I planned a 50th high school reunion, attended the Laver Cup in Chicago and have seen a half dozen live concerts which included Paul McCartney. I then drove south with my sister and knocked three more states off my list, hoping to see all fifty of them before I die. I only have a few left.I had a big adventure planned for May, a trip to Vancouver, followed by an Alaska/Denali sea and land journey which would ultimately end in Anchorage. Fifteen days of new experiences which would offset the challenges of May. My wedding anniversary is on the 1st, followed by Mother’s Day, the birthday of my oldest friend who’s been dead now for 32 years, then my birthday, the anniversary of Michael’s death and finally, his birthday. A rugged month. But then along came Covid19.

I was lucky enough to squeeze in a trip to Naples, Florida to visit friends  before the pandemic began to pick up steam. By the time my ten day vacation ended, I had a harrowing, paranoid journey home through two airports, one flight and one bus ride,  during which I sanitized my hands until they felt like sandpaper and avoided close contact with anyone breathing nearby. From then on, March 11th, it’s been self-isolation until my kids and I got to the point where we felt safe enough to see each other. I’m one of the lucky ones who has family nearby. They are working online and trying to educate their kids for whom school has been cancelled. Needless to say, the Alaska trip is off-all that’s left of it is trying to recover the money that was paid in advance. Certainly not the most wonderful experience. I can’t go swimming any more because the pool is closed, but I am grateful that I can walk without pain. I wish I could get some of those endorphins that always emerge from me in water but that’s not happening. Life has become unpredictable and much smaller. The question is, for how long? I’ve been thinking about what will happen when this need to re-open life in my part of the world becomes real. Will I ever live large again? Or is it time to scale back and live in a limited space.

Doctors are reporting that a mysterious blood-clotting complication is killing their coronavirus patients.

Every day there are new scary headlines. It seems that in rapid jolts, a small, threatening twist to this unpredictable virus is unearthed. If you shut the political noise out and study the science reporting, it seems clear that the predictive algorithms are fluctuating. It’s not only older people who are vulnerable. Anyone can get sick and anyone can be a silent carrier. Significant and widespread therapeutic treatments seem to be pretty distant right now as does a vaccine. And who knows about the efficacy of a vaccine? Flu vaccines help, but in some years they’re hit or miss. What is the overall implication of that formula?  

This is my bedroom, my sanctuary where I retreated every night with Michael, where we found comfort and respite with each other. Thankfully, I still feel the same about my room. This is where I think about these uncertain times and how I want to handle myself in the midst of them. I look around and see the choices of my life. My partner and my family photos. The Beatles and Federer.

My favorite artworks and my books are close by. I have my small fish tank with the little swimmers whose bright rhythmic darting is so relaxing at night. There are volumes of photo albums and a hoard of Michael’s movies on dvd. I have beautiful notes he wrote me long ago, in the beginning, which warm me still, after a lifetime.

Rocks and seeds sit on my bookshelf. Shells that I gathered on the Gulf shore beaches are arranged on a wall plaque I made, right next to the Mayan calendar date of our May 1st wedding anniversary, made in Tulum, Mexico where we went for our 25th. This is my small life, inside this space. I’m happy here. I feel like choosing this for now is the wisest thing to do, given the current murky future out there in the bigger world. Going to a movie theater? How about the pool which might remind me of a petri dish? Will I feel comfortable going to get my hair cut soon? That question is funny. I’ve already cut my bangs twice. But I’m not ready to take on all these mystifying layers on my head. Back when I was thinking about Marie Kondo’s minimalist guide, holding an object in your hand to see if it gave you joy and if not, discarding it, I grabbed my bag of hair accessories from my dresser. Back when I had long hair I used them all the time. I did the looking thing and just got annoyed so I put them back where they came from. That must have been a prescient moment – I’m certainly glad I’ve kept them around to help me manage my untamed mane. Who knows? Maybe I’ll have one more crack at a ponytail before I die. So no more big trips for the foreseeable future. And I’m on the fence about whether the benefits will outweigh the risks for what were seemingly normal activities BC – Before Covid19. But I still have my garden which provides ample opportunities for fresh air, exercise and interesting yard visitors. I’ve been having car social hours with my friends, meeting at parks or in other natural areas where we can chat from within our safe spaces and still feel connected. There are plenty of clouds to photograph and paving bricks to decorate with my collections of shells and rocks from travels. I’ve been trying to recover my drawing skills, primitive though they were. There are lots of Netflix shows, of course, and many old movies to watch.  I always have books.

If I’m going to be leading this smaller life, though, I felt like I needed something more, a new thing to love. I was thinking I’d just hang around waiting for “it” to come to me. Suddenly I remembered what I’d loved a long time ago, back in the time before computers and cell phones with keyboards. Back in the time when cursive was still a thing. I remembered learning to write cursive in elementary school. First we had to get through printing. All of this learning and practicing was done in pencil first. There had to be a way to erase mistakes and pencil erasers were easier to use than ink ones. We had these little lined workbooks, the lines that delineated the heights of upper and lower case letters. I just loved the whole process. We got penmanship grades. I was good at all of it. When you got really good, making few, if any mistakes, you graduated to pens. I loved pens. For the longest time, my favorites were Parker T-ball jotters. They moved so smoothly across a piece of paper. But better things awaited and I found them. Fountain pens. Beautiful fountain pens with little tubes of ink that you popped into their chassis. For a time, I collected them. They were sleek and romantic, perfect for the aspiring writer or at least, a writer of journals. I went into the office Michael and I shared and rummaged around in my supplies. And there it was, in a beaten up metal case.

It hadn’t been used in ages so I had to order ink. When I loaded it in, voila! A working fountain pen after so many years. Indeed, this is a really small thing, this slender little pen. But vistas have opened to me and it’s going to be a wonderful companion for this time when I’ll be living smaller.

  Living Smaller A good friend of mine told me a while back that I was “living large.” I guess I’d have to agree with her.