#very curious if there's any follow up audios or anything

[erial-c]

WEDDING AUDIO BAYBEY‼️

ohh bare with me this live reacting was all over the place

UGGHH SAPPY DAVID IS SO CUTE  . i may not be the biggest shaw pack fan but his character development will never cease to kill me

asher panicking 😭😭 AND CALMING HIMSELF DOWN because he didn't realize today was the day

baaabe being dressed already?? that's ao fucking funny they fr just let ash sleep (also a little bit of personaloty for baaabe  . the crowd cheers)

asher please your mate is already dressed  . dear god

i love that darlin out of all people wanted to make it so that the mates won't see each other until the ceremony . i know it's mostly because they wanted to drive the listener groups aka the "fun group" as they call it (listeners are bffies CANON!!!) but it's much funnier to think they hold onto that tradition for some reason 

"we're fun too, right?  ...right???" yeah asher whatever you say🤞

YEAASSSS SPEAKER BANTER I LOVE THIS SHIT SAOW MUCJ

"i don't even want to imagine what chaos those four are getting up to" THW SILENCE IN THE CAR???? erik was giggling and kicking his feet putting this in the script huhhuh

darlin being the one to make sure neither of the mates are peeking LMAO  . and sam calling them beautiful too. kill me actually

milo calling out asher's hair "are you trying to look like you got married in a wind tunnel?????? david don't let him walk out like that!!!!!!" further proving the headcanon that milo is the most well dressed of the shaw pack 

milo's nervous as shit  😭😭 i forgot he was gonna be the fucking officiant bro id be sweating fucking bullets too

"just maybe.. cuss a little less" great advice to tell milo out of all people  , sam

serious talk with the alpha and beta .. shivers

"why did you pick me?" asher  . asher  please.

"take the chance of saying something that's not perfect, if it means you get to really say what you feel" crazy  . i love angel (they are a listener character)) (they have no voice)) 

"you're the other side of my coin. you always have been" DAVID  . DAAAVIDDDD.

its good to see that david understands that while he know he made the right choice, he still understands the heavy responsibility he put on ash in assigning him to be pack beta

"you're too hard on yourself too" "well we had to have something in common other than destiny and smash bros, right?" KILL ME. stop being cute you loser

big three shaw pack hug  . ill kill myself

"i'm going to be up there lookin this good, people are gonna be confused on whose day it is!" "are they gonna be able to see you? do we get a step stool for behind the podium?" MILO DON'T LISTEN 2 THEM MY SHORT KING🤞🤞🤞 also beta boy😭😭😭😭😭

the effortless switch from banter to being all sentimental and emotional is crazy  . i hate these guys (lie)

RAAAAGHHH CEREMONY💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ YEAAASSSSS

yaknow while i did expect a few side characters/guest VAs to voice side characters , i don't think the audio feels that empty . it's just focused on the main characters and honestly im actually ok with it

not the laugh track😭feels like im watching a sitcom this is so funny

im assuming all the guests are empowered/informed  , because milo is calling the couples "mates"

YEAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE VOWS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ HERECOME THE WATERWORKS (mine and theirs🤞🤞)

girl nevamind the silence for baaabe's/angelangel's vows r still so silly

"the- the pairs of you. to each other. not all together. uh- congratulations  . uh- clap, everybody. now" no actually we're a polycule neow . canon because i said so

[aurianavaloria]

👑 The King - An Analysis ✨

I've already stated my love for the Kingdom of Heaven soundtrack in a previous post, and in case it wasn't already obvious from my ambience edits, "The King" - essentially, King Baldwin's theme - is one of my favorite tracks on the OST album (if you're curious, "Burning the Past", "Crusaders", "To Jerusalem", and "Ibelin" are my other faves); it so effectively encapsulates his character with several simple variations on a single melody, on top of just being a lovely piece to listen to. What follows is my amateur analysis of this track (fully enabled by @atomnolly - please go check out their art, they're amazing). Please note, however, that I have absolutely zero experience with musical composition and theory. I'm just going by what the piece invokes in me, as a listener, in relation to Baldwin's character in the film.

I'll primarily be analyzing the OST's version of the track, which brings me to my main gripe about the way this piece is presented in the film and one reason why I'm doing this analysis to begin with: there's actually two variants floating out there - the basic OST album version and the Complete/"Full Expanded" album version, the latter of which is how it was implemented in the movie. Unfortunately, in the film, you never get to hear "The King" as its own full track like you do with "Burning the Past", for example. Instead, it's spliced up over the course of several scenes, one of which has nothing to do with Baldwin himself. 🙃

Go figure.

Because of this, I'm using the full "suite" version from the OST (called the "Album Edit" on the complete soundtrack) as, oddly enough, it is far more coherent to listen to than how it actually shows up in the film. More on that later.

The suite opens up with an intro that is called "Golgotha" on the complete soundtrack (unfortunately, Tumblr isn't letting me upload my audio clips no matter what I do, so we'll go by timestamps instead - I highly advise docking the video in your sidebar while you read for convenience). Between 0:00 and 1:20, we get this soft, meandering, mysterious melody on duduk, accompanied by equally mysterious female vocals that briefly drift into a brighter, almost angelic sound. This change in tone is backed by what sounds like a glass harp before the duduk repeats the initial melody.

I've noticed that the "tinkling" glass harp often shows up in the film to seemingly emphasize something ethereal or supernatural, and we mostly hear it in connection to Baldwin, although it does spring up in other places on occasion. Each time it's used, it invokes the slightest bit of tension, as if it's a cue to think more closely about whatever it is the viewer is looking at.

Even more intrinsically tied to his character, however, is the presence of the Armenian duduk, which, if I haven't missed anything anywhere (which I could have), doesn't appear in any track other than those clearly associated with the king. In this way, I think we can effectively say that, as far as the KoH soundtrack goes, the duduk is "his" instrument - fitting, considering his Armenian heritage.

As a side note, this is why it's strange and somewhat frustrating to me to have this intro segment tacked onto Balian's visit at Calvary in the film, because, after hearing it as part of "The King" suite on the album edit, it's obvious that the duduk signals Baldwin's presence. Yet at this point, the king hasn't even been introduced and won't be for a few more scenes. I do believe it replays in full after Balian's invitation to speak with Baldwin, but it is almost completely overshadowed by his conversation with Sibylla, leading the viewer to possibly attach it to her rather than her brother.

Back to the duduk. The Armenian duduk, a double-reed instrument traditionally made of apricot wood, has a very distinctive sound that's been described by listeners as everything from mournful, lonely, and haunting, to relaxing and soulful, to majestic and even romantic, depending on how it is played. This powerful versatility is certainly demonstrated in "The King", beginning with this introduction that I would say ventures into "haunting" territory. In fact, it almost feels like a lure - a siren's call for listeners.

After that call, we get the beginning of what is "The King" on the Extended soundtrack and the first appearance of the leitmotif that is attached to Baldwin from that point forth. Between 1:20 and 1:50 on the album edit, we have a very "gentle" (as @atomnolly put it 😁) melody played on a flute, first heard when Baldwin is beckoning Balian to come closer, again accompanied by the glass harp. While starting at a lilting higher pitch, it soon trails off into a lower one before a slight pause, and then a slide of strings precedes a repetition of that same melody at a lower pitch than the first. A solemn tension builds from then until 2:24, at which point, in the Complete soundtrack, it is very obviously and awkwardly chopped to silence. 🙃We'll get back to that in a bit.

This introduction of Baldwin's leitmotif is a very interesting point of the suite, because the almost light airiness of the flute doesn't last very long. It soon gives way to a much richer, even "darker" sound. For me, this represents what belies the almost angelic appearance of the king - there's far more depth there than his friendly introduction might suggest, and this is reflected in the music itself... brightness intertwined with mystery, and possibly a little danger (this is a king we're talking about, here, with all the power that position provides).

This mystery is further emphasized when the duduk comes back in, echoing the leitmotif between 2:25 and 2:50, and it is further strengthened by the dual presence of the glass harp and growing strings supporting it. Unfortunately, this part doesn't show up at all during Balian's first conversation with Baldwin; in fact, it is put off until the middle of "Terms" on the complete soundtrack: the discussion with Saladin at Kerak. IMO, it would have been far more fitting to have it in the background during the most serious part of Baldwin's lecture (a la my first atmosphere edit); this is really the second-strongest iteration of his leitmotif and should have accompanied his most powerful quote in the film.

What comes after is the closest thing we get to a battle theme for Baldwin. From 2:50 to 3:06 we get another repetition of the leitmotif by the duduk, but in its strongest form: at a higher pitch but with greater power than before, it is accompanied by drums and backed by strings that give a sense of urgency. This is the king on horseback, both right before the meeting with Saladin and immediately following. Utterly gone is the glass harp - mystery gives way to majesty.

The leitmotif then continues with even stronger strings alongside the duduk at a lower pitch from 3:07, almost overpowering it, before being repeated a final time by horns at 3:22. This, I believe, is essentially a royal fanfare of sorts; brass has been associated with military and nobility (as the ultimate leadership of said military) since ancient times, and it is here that the score emphasizes Baldwin's role as commander of his kingdom's army. Again, unfortunately, this part isn't kept singular to Baldwin and is replayed in the future scenes of Balian's battle at Jerusalem - it's possible this is intended to evoke the memory of Baldwin, but it further takes away from the composition's uniqueness.

At 3:37, then, we get a small "falling action" portion that actually doesn't appear where it was intended. According to Drake55116's analysis, this particular bit was actually supposed to play while Baldwin dismounted his horse and approached Raynald in Kerak's courtyard, but was ultimately cut. I'm not sure why - it has a definite sense of "impending doom" to it, not just for Raynald, but for Baldwin himself, as this becomes his last great "hurrah" as king. Both the string and horn buildups are wonderful and really emphasize it as the climax point before the disaster that follows.

After that, interestingly enough, the portion that appears at 4:17 on the album edit is actually put where the leitmotif chops off suddenly during Baldwin's earlier conversation with Balian on the Extended soundtrack. To be honest, I think it would have served just fine during or even after Baldwin's interaction with Raynald instead. The slide of the low strings and the slightly discordant horns continue that regal majesty, but also provide appropriate tension for the situation.

Briefly returning to the initial conversation between Baldwin and Balian - there is one portion of the theme that is reserved for the Complete soundtrack and doesn't appear on the OST album edit: at 56:28 there is a unique high string version of the king's leitmotif followed by a slower, half repetition by the duduk, which has had an echo added to it. It essentially serves to "close-out" their conversation after Baldwin gives his orders to go to Ibelin. This iteration is much, much softer in tone, and with the echo and the growing glass harp sound alongside it, it seems to purposefully emphasize the ethereal mystery of the king, but this time with a definite positive tone... perhaps reflective of Balian's hopeful outlook on him?

Back to the album edit. From 4:42, the leitmotif appears again as an even higher flute than it first appeared, almost delicate. A deliberate pause follows with emphasis on the glass harp between 5:06 and 5:15 before the duduk echoes the theme one last time... the softest and slowest it's played on the whole track as it extends to the end. Here, from 4:42 onward, is the dying king. A certain innocence is reflected in the high flute notes, weariness and vulnerability conveyed through the duduk. Despite being the gentlest segment of the suite, it is perhaps the most powerful way to close it out, the prior strength and mystery quite literally fading away into nothing.

In essence, I think "The King" would have been much more effective presented in the movie exactly as it appears as a suite on the OST, going precisely in that order and restricted to Baldwin's appearances alone. As a whole, it perfectly illustrates the king as a character - the flute and glass harp reflecting the angelic elegance, the horns the majesty, the duduk the mystery, power, and tragedy. Harry Gregson-Williams's composition is beautifully-deep despite its relative simplicity, and it adds so much to every scene in which Baldwin appears; thoughtfully-crafted to invoke the above feelings in the audience, it effectively enhances the Leper King's brief but powerful presence in the film.

[imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese]

Psycho

In which Eris queries the Drifter regarding his recent activities and he inquires regarding her eating habits.

Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there

ACCESS: RESTRICTED DECRYPTION KEY: L5P2Y6BM80$IKO-006 REP#: 086-ATHENAEUM-DERELICT-AUDIO AGENT(S): AUN-326 SUBJ: VIP#1316 AND ERI-223 INTERACTIONS - PSYCHO

RECORDING 81007.1 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

“Hey there, knife edged truth, what's up?”

“Rat.”

“Ooo I'm Rat again today. I like it. I musta done something. Tell me what I done!”

“Did you visit Immaru and intimidate him?”

“I did pay that little shit a visit, yes. I was just curious. If he was intimidated by it, that's on him. I didn't say nothin'.”

“And it was not some sort of ridiculous attempt to defend my honour, correct?”

“Your honour don't need defendin’ and, if it did, the best person to be defendin’ it is you, not me. I don't do honour. That sorta shit gets you killed.”

“That's what I thought you'd say. Immaru seems to believe you threatened him.”

“Immaru believes being the ghost of the mass civilization-murdering hive god of lies is a reasonable life choice. I don't think his beliefs are ah… how would you put it…accurate reflection of reality here.”

“Hmmm…”

“Although if at some point you don't need him any more, I'd love to take him apart. Slowly. For Science, of course.”

“Hmmm yes, for Science. I doubt Ikora would permit that.”

“I ain't askin’ her.”

“She was quite concerned you found your way into where she’s been keeping him.”

“Was she? Well, it’s true I’m normally a bit more discreet about how much I come and go in Hidden spaces. Ha.”

“You may find your infiltrations more challenging in future.”

“You know me, I like a challenge.”

“Have you ever considered joining?”

“The Hidden. Me. Join the Hidden.”

“Yes. Your skillset is rather ideally suited for the work, and you and I could work together.”

“We work together now just fine.”

“It would mean we could work together more.”

“Yeah, I'll admit that would be very tempting, but joining the Hidden would mean following orders and I just… I can't… you know I can't. What's that you said before? I have uh… issues with authority.”

“Hmmm… You certainly do.”

“So do you. It's one of the many reasons I like you so damn much.”

“Sometimes I do, yes.”

“I help you, though. And if that's Hidden work then I guess I'm already doing it. And if Ikora asks you to do something, and you ask me to come along, well then what’s the difference, really?”

“I suppose that is one way of looking at it. I shall let Ikora know of your willingness to help without helping.”

“I mean I did already tell ol’ Rayray myself that if she needed anything to help you, to ask me and it'll get done. I think I made it clear to her whose side I'm on.”

“Of course, the same side you’re always on: your own.”

“Yours, actually.”

“I did not expect you to say that to her. To me, yes, but you’ve always told everyone you don't pick sides.”

“Didn't really pick this one. More like fell. Hard. But you knew that.”

“Yes.”

“Also made it clear whose side I expect her to be on, too. I might’a pissed her off a bit, but I don’t think anyone needs to worry about that. She’s solid and she’s got your back. That’s what counts.”

“She is a dear, dear friend.”

“I know. So… not that you need a reason, but is that all you’re calling about, Moondust? Immaru crying like a little bitch ‘cuz mean old Drifter went and stared at him for a few minutes?”

“Like ‘a psycho,’ apparently.”

“Ha! That’s rich, coming from him.”

“I have grown accustomed to being able to consult with you and collaborate with you much more often than we are doing now. I functioned alone for so long and have found your presence obnoxious, frustrating, and profoundly irritating for most of the time we’ve worked together. And yet, now that you’re there, and I am here, and there is not the time nor the capacity for such ventures, there is no irritation in my memory, only fondness sharpened by absence.”

“You just said a lot of words there, but what I heard was that you miss me.”

“Yes. I miss you, but I also find myself smiling at the fact that I do.”

“Ain't that a mood.”

“It is indeed… a mood. “

“Say, when was the last time you ate an actual meal, bane of the swarm? Not like unwrapping rations and gobbling them to keep going, but real food?”

“I think it was what you made for me, but there hasn’t been time to…”

“Dammit, Moondust, that was over a week ago. What’s Ikora doing not makin you eat?”

“Ikora has been a pillar of strength for me.”

“I’m glad for that. Hand on my heart, I am. But I wish she was also a pillar of food. I’m bringing you dinner.”

“I don’t know that I’ll have time to eat it.”

“Then I’ll just have to make you something that’ll still be good after it gets cold.”

“I don’t know that I’ll be here when you arrive. There’s not time to…”

“So what? You’ll still get dinner. And I’ll get to know everyone’s favourite hive god has had a decent meal. Admit it, you’re already looking forward to this.”

“I… yes. I am. Thank you.”

[END TRANSCRIPT]

This is one of a series of stories written during Season of the Witch that I called Kept Conficence, after the hand cannon with the lore that helped to inspire them.

Here is a link to all of them in order if you wish.

[yuurivoice]

Not to tell you how to do your job or anything, and I don't think it's the audience's place to give suggestions when this is YOUR profession, it's just a small idea that occured to me.

But maybe in the upcoming Auron audio you could add a little note on the screen saying that new Auron content is coming soon, and then like do the same with future compilation videos, since they tend to do so well!! Like to let people know that if they like the characters, this is not where the story ends at all and they should stick around. I say this mainly cause I remember you once talked about how the major numbers on the Finn compilation didn't translate to a major increase in subscribers. Really hope this didn't come off as rude, I just think maybe if people think the compilations are the ENTIRE story it might not occur to them to subscribe!

It also might yield no results at all, idk. I just remember I didn't subscribe until multipleeee videos had been recommended to me over MONTHS, mainly because I had no idea that there was a story to be followed.

I've written like three different responses to this but as I yap on I get new conclusions and ideas. This is v3 of my answer lmfao.

Preface: People don't pay attention to shit and unless you are clever or use a hammer, they do not care. They want the content. ESPECIALLY if they aren't familiar with you. This makes any deliberate Calls to Action run the risk of annoyance rather than making a meaningful impact on conversions.

Bonus note: If a video is scheduled to premiere, there's nothing I can add to it at this point without doing a whole reupload, giving Thoo a bunch of extra work, and all that shit. So that wasn't ever an option anyway.

My approach in this current iteration of how I do things is that rather than slob on somebody's knob begging for a sub, they're encouraged to either watch more videos or go to the homepage. My working hypothesis is that you're actually MORE likely to get a curious viewer to drop by your homepage before they subscribe, because they want to see what else is available.

The most recent changes I made to the channel homepage should make it abundantly clear that there are multiple stories, characters, and styles of content to jump into. Making sure that the homepage is great has probably made a massive difference in that regard, without impacting the videos themselves.

Playlists are horribly underutilized in this niche in particular, and on lots of YouTube channels really. So I made sure to try and nail that down. Still need to get the channel trailer locked in but tbh I don't know how effective those really are in 2024.

All of that being said, a ~15 second welcome intro at the start that explains what the compilation is and invites viewers to sub/explore the playlists would probably be the easiest way to accomplish that without intruding on the listening/viewing experience in a way that feels desperate or pander-y. That in conjunction with the end screen prompt would probably be the easiest way to do it.

I don't feel like that immediately turns massive hit videos into untapped wells of subscribers that I missed out on, it could help contextualize things a little more and who knows, maybe it WOULD be a big deal. Hard to say!

The context for me not immediately being like OH IT'S A SLAM DUNK HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS is because I run a very lucrative business converting viewers to patrons and I have very minimal in-video notes about hearing the spicy bits on Patreon. People often figure things out for themselves if they're motivated enough, and you run the risk of chasing them off if you come across like a desperate ass hoe. lmfao

I appreciate the ask, but also can assure you that I've spent several hours mulling over these very specific issues and I've considered just about every angle. If I had included every little detail and wrinkle of information I was cooking up in the various iterations of this answer it would be a mile long. So trust me. I've thought about it in great detail, have worked with people on it, workshopped things and much more!

Y'all got me yappin' up a storm on here lately. lmfao

[artsninspo]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well.

I have a request, what if reader is stuck in the house, says it’s finals or she has a lot of school work to do and she hasn’t had time to eat so in the middle of it she calls Jamie to bring her something. He’s in the middle of something but insists on dropping it all to bring her something to eat😊 just a cute little fic

“REVISIONS”

Author's Note: This is a fluffy one.

Pairing: Jamie (Topboy) X Reader

Word Count: 1.2K

Butterflies strike when you see his name flash across the screen. You’re in your bed doing last minute revisions, you have been all day. Jamie had been a pleasant surprise. You were walking the high streets a little after dark when a group of men decided to chat you up. They were aggressive and persistent until Jamie jumped out his car making them straighten up. He’d walked you the rest of the way to the station. He was a gentleman and clearly respected around these parts. He never asked for your number and it bruised your ego. He had this unmistakable aura that made you curious. He cared enough to intervene. He was polite enough to make conversation but there was no ulterior motive. He wasn’t your knight in shining armour for any ulterior motives he just was.

The interaction stayed in your mind on a loop, like a song. It replayed over and over again. Then you were out shopping when you saw Aaron, an intern at your job with Jamie. It felt like fate that you saw him again and got a more intimate introduction. Then Aaron’s birthday passed and you stopped by in the hopes of seeing his mysterious older brother. It was serendipitous that he showed up as you were about to hail a cab. Magically Jamie was headed in your direction. You watched his demeanour change. He melted into a more comfortable disposition. He did little things that stood out. He told you you could take control of the audio in the car. Then he asked if you were hungry. There seemed to be no rush at all. There were no expectations. He asked about your education and pursuit of your masters and further goals. His questions were well thought out and he had insightful additions. You watched him recoil when you asked what he did for a living and what he studied. He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. It was clear at that very moment what he was. It was like the jig was up and he hardened all over again. 

“I’m around this part often so if you need a ride or anything let me know” he said handing you his phone. It wasn’t exactly what you wanted but it was something. It was a start.

“Hiya Jamie” you say pen in hand.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, just revising my final presentation” you tell him.

“Still?” He scoffs.

“Yeah” you smile a little self conscious. Hes probably used to exciting women who have full lives worthy of social media followings and not the bookish type.

“Fuck sake, you’re like Aaron. You forget to eat too?” He asks, causing your mouth to gape.

“Yeah” you admit.

“Get dressed, we'll go get something and you can go back to studying” he offers.

“Ok” you respond excited by the prospect. Since he’d given you his number Jamie maintained platonic friendship. There was no rush into your pants, just genuine interest into your prosperity and growth. Into your career endeavours and overall well being.

“I’ll be there in a bit”

You ponder, “How long is a bit?”

“Don’t rush, I’ll call when I’m ten minutes away” he says and you’re already in your closet. Jamie, the object of your desire. The man you want to know more about. Is he into you, is he not you have no idea. Looking in the mirror you do a quick beat hoping he likes it. You choose jeans and a top that showcase your figure. When he’s ten minutes away you’re doing your hair. Before he knocks you spray your perfume. You open the door and his eyes look you over quickly before coming in for a hug, Jamie smells good as always.

“Ready?” He asks.

“Yep” you nod, getting your keys. Jamie locks up and you head to his car. He gets the door like always before getting in. He connects your phone to the car. The conversation flows easily per usual only today Jamie’s eyes linger a little longer. He takes your hand guiding you into the restaurant. It feels natural being with him. You learn he was in the middle of something and dropped it all to spend time with you. You feel special.

“So do you feel ready for your finals?” He asks.

“I don’t know I’m not quite there yet, if I’m honest”

“Does getting a perfect score matter for your jobs in the long run?” He asks as you make your way through the shopping centre.

“Probably not”

“Then remember to eat” Jamie jests, reaching for your hand again as more people crowd the street.

“You headed back to the fields?” You ask.

“Yeah”

“It’s late, you could stay at mine and go in the morning” you offer. Jamie smiles looking straight ahead, keeping your hand in his as he brings it to his lips.

“Nah” he responds with a smile.

“Why not?” You ask amused at his amusement.

“You need to do your revisions and make something of yourself. Achieve your dreams. Date a lad like Aaron who’s headed in a similar road. He fucks up you call me - I set him straight. You’re too good for me, I don’t want to complicate your life and I don’t have enough self control to sleep ‘round yours and just sleep” he says, never letting you go. 

Your eyes find his. You look over his features, his facial structure and his smooth complexion. You see it now, there plain as day in his eyes that he’s been holding back. The patience was restraint and his attentiveness was temperance.

“Jamie, you should give yourself more credit.” you counter.

“No, I know who and what I am. I know there’s attraction between us. You’re a good girl relationship type. Eventually I’d let you down and your goals would suffer. It’d mess me up too and I need to be sharp for work” he explains shrugging. You take a deep breath opting to take his word for it. He wraps an arm around you.

“You can stay at mine. Nothing will happen, I respect your position.”  You respond a little regretful of his rejection. Bitter has never been your style. Your guest room is always ready for visitors. You get him towels and whatever he may need for the night. You take a shower and try to think of the last time you had feelings like this for someone. You get in bed and run through your presentation from memory seamlessly. You make notes on your phone until your door opens. You make out Jamie’s shadow in the dark and he gets in your bed.

“Go on, run through the presentation” he says, making you smile.

“Okay” you concede getting out of bed. Your pyjamas are an oversized black and white polka dot satin set. It’s not sexy, nor is your tied up hair but you start anyway. Jamie is attentive; he holds your phone taking notes as you go through everything. When you’re finished he claps.

“I reckon I make a reservation already, you’ve got it” he says as you get back in bed, you’re playing with fire and you both know it. You get comfortable and he doesn’t leave. 

“Goodnight Jamie” you mutter.

“Nite Y/N” he responds.

—---------------------

Thanks for reading as always, let me know what you think in the comments 💕

[stalkersdiary]

I don't mean to bother you, but in case you accidentally turned it back on, your icon is a screen shot from one of your deepweb streams sir. >////< OH AND LIKE MAJOR FAN by the way! I only really recognized you from your audio diary on the uoıuo˙Ɛʌ⇂ɥɔɹ∀ and it's so cool! When are we getting more lock talk and can you please ｂя𝔼Δк ⒾŇ𝐭Ỗ ⓜ𝐲 𝐇ᗝⓤร𝔼 ηєχт? Thankies~ - 𝕮𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖇𝖆𝖑𝕾𝖕𝖎𝖙💗

TW - Ex-Cannibal talk While my putting my picture up was an accident, I'm happy it made someone from the Archive.o brave enough message me. Thank you. I'm not as scared to be known these days for my other more "shady" content. It's not like I'm doing anything illegal, so I feel like if someone knows where I'm from, it isn't the end of the world. Also, with the name CannibalSpit, I feel like you must come from the Cannibal Cook Book in the Corps3 section of the Archive.O. If so, it's nice that you found my streams and that they entertain you. If you ever need advice on cooking, I'm always free. I haven't eaten human flesh in years, and I'm not in any rush to do so, but it's funny that people who found me for those reasons, stayed for others. I think most people know I'm an ex-cannibal and are very curious about the "lifestyle" and recipes I've adapted. It's funny to think years later, some people still know about that part of my life and are wondering about it about 7 years later. As for breaking into your house... That's actually not one of my skills. Hahaha. I know how to create a bump key, but I'm not the "break into someone's house" type. I've never had a lock picking set and I don't know how to pick up that skill. I might join a new episode of Lock Talk in the future, but I'm not really on that part of the internet for a reason. It's just not my thing. Unless you're looking for a guy who can break a window in a tidy way with a roll of duct tape, I'm not very useful. If you want to come voluntarily, I can prepare a lovely cage for you. ^^ I have one set up now, but it's currently occupied. You probably know why as you've followed me here, so I'm not going to out myself on a random tumblr blog. Haha. Any member of the Archive is Encouraged to write me again. Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[wayfayrr]

I've been on a little bit of an oc spiral since bringing it up for Cloud's Masterlist - so here's a more formal introduction to parts of the background for my linksona Gwyn, I would love to talk about him if anyone is curious because I love him sm <3 and his lore here is vague to say the least on purpose

TYPE: LIVE COMBAT FEED PARTIES: Three [3]. One [1] Guardian-type, Class Hunter, designate Sif [S]; One [1] Guardian-type, Class Warlock, designate Mikto [M]; One [1] [REDACTED], designate undesignated [u] ASSOCIATIONS: The Vex, [REDACTED] //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../ [S:01] Why are we here again… like I know you said you wanted to investigate something but come on. Is being in a vex gate really worth it?

[M:01] Never would have thought I'd see the day where a hunter complained about an adventure. but - [S:02] HEY! [M:02] But anyway, there's been a signal detected that isn't human but close enough to be concerned that it's here. [M:03] We're going to find out the cause of it. [S:03] alright then. can you give me any more information? how long has the signal been here, Is it strong, weak, Can you tell how old they'd be? [M:04] About three years now, a medium strength just where it can be traced reliably, realistically I would have preferred to look into it far earlier but I've just been inundated with everything. [M:05] Wait why do you think that would be possible!?? [S:04] I don't know, I've seen it done before, You're the Warlock you tell me. [M:06] You are insufferable. [S:05] What was that Mr. asked me specifically to act as backup? [There is a period of silence while they track the cause of the signal.] [M:07] So if I was correct then whatever is causing this anomaly should be very close- [S:06] Mikto. It’s a kid. I don’t care about your plans anymore, we’re getting him out of here. [M:08] But what if it’s a - oh you’ve already gone. Great. [Radio silence] [S:07] … Kid are you alright? [u:01] I don’t - I… This isn’t - I… [S:08] Hey, it’s okay kiddo, I know you’ve probably been through a lot but you’re safe with us okay? We’ll help you out of here. [M:09] Sif. Be careful, this could all be an elaborate trap.  [S:09] You saw what they were doing. I Know the vex.  [S:10] It isn’t a trap. But we need to find out what they wanted with him. // END TRANSCRIPT

TYPE: POST DEBRIEF PARTIES: Two [2]. One [1] Guardian-type, Class Hunter, designate Sif [S]; One [1] Civilian-type, designate Link [L]; ASSOCIATIONS: [REDACTED] //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../ [S:01] Now that we're finally out of there, kiddo… how long were you trapped there? [L:01] I don't… I can't remember it all that clearly…I think about three years?  [L:02] I shouldn't be here, What's happening to Hyrule since I'm not there to defeat Ganondorf (he trails off into panicked rambling that is unable to be transcripted.) [S:02] Kid. breathe, I don't know why exactly you're so panicked but you don't have to do anything alone. We'll help you get back alright? [S:03] Let’s start off with a different question, what’s your name? [L:03] Link. [L:04] My name is Link. // END TRANSCRIPT

TYPE: TRANSCRIPT PARTIES: Two [2]. One [1] Guardian-type, Class Warlock, designate Mikto [M]; One [1] Civilian-type, designate Link [L]; ASSOCIATIONS: Sif; [REDACTED]; Ikora rey; Braytech //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../ [M:01] Is there any reason you came to my study? not that I don't enjoy your company but, well. [M:02] It's not the safest for mortals to be around Warlock research. [L:01] Sif said that you're only studying pre-golden age books right now so I should be fine, and I wanted to ask you a question. [M:03] What did you want to ask then Ace? [L:02] Have you gotten any closer to finding my world? I’m just worried about what’s happening there, I was told so many times I was the only one who could save everyone. That it all fell to me in the end. I’m worried about home.  [M:04] It’s hard to say exactly, in some places we’re closer to it, in others we’re further away from finding it. I promise you though that we’ll help you get home at some point. [M:05] You shouldn’t have been the only one you know. I’m not sure how your culture works exactly, I know you’ve mentioned you’re [REDACTED] but you don’t talk about it all. You should never have had to fight alone though. With what you have mentioned you were only twelve when you started.  [L:03] I… I yeah I was twelve. I just wanted to save my home. Even when people weren’t the nicest. I didn’t. After living here, I don’t know if I can go back to living there after seeing how everyone is here. [M:06] If you want you could always stay here afterwards? We can go and help your place of origin then you could live here with Sif and me. She already sees you as her younger brother and honestly so do I. [L:04] Thank you. I think I’ll give that some thought. [M:07] Do whatever you think is best for you Ace. //END TRANSCRIPT

TYPE: CANDIDATE SCAN [CONTINGENCY-LINKED] PARTIES: One [1]. One [1] Ghost-type, designate undesignated [u] ASSOCIATIONS: First Light; Eliksni //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS…/ [u:01] Is it possible? [u:02] There you are! [u:03] Poor thing, I can’t imagine what happened here to you. The Fallen in the area must have had something to do with it though. [u:04] Your DNA isn’t exactly human, hopefully it won’t interfere with bringing you back. I've heard stories from other ghosts where things happen to their guardians or they have to be quarantined because they've accidentally brought someone back with an ancient disease, I have a feeling you won't be like that though. call it trust. [u:05] Eyes up guardian. //END TRANSCRIPT 

[silverott-chevalier]

[Audio ID: The stuff written below the cut.]

Long story short...miss Shiawase Suzuhime and Pallas Feldspar Shirogane will be joining me now. And I'll be taking a vacation to Unova with them at some point, thank you very much.

(OoC) I'll still be using #shiroposting and #suzuposting to keep track of those two, jsyk. So don't worry about that.

Okay, audio recording... testing, one, two, one, two... ...well, that's boring. *ahm-hmm...* *Boy meets gir-rlk--!* [Sounds of something striking the head of what must be a large Pokemon.] You need better songs. Owww... that hurt, Shia... It was just a love tap to the head. You've had worse. Myeeeh...I have to listen to that happen again, Shia! How else am I gonna make sure the microphone works? Wouldn't it be a better idea to call one of the girls in order to test the reception at the same time? Well yeah, but... [Sounds of water splashing. Someone is using Waterfall nearby, but not immediately next to the microphone.] Oh dear, is this another Pelipper? What on earth could they-- [Sounds of something landing on what appears to be stone, wet, and maybe even clawed if you've got a sharp ear. Panting, of some kind.] ...oh, Chevalier. You're here early, did something happen at the-- YEAH something happened!!! Have you guys been screwing around on my Rotomblr this whole time?! Wh--PALLAS! I told you he wouldn't be so keen on that! Well, I got curious, is all! I was gonna make one myself, but uh, not, really, sure, how well that would work for hiding, eh... Yeah, like taking over my account is any better?! ... we didn't mess around with much. Dear fucking Arceus-- okay, you know? Sure. Why not. But you couldn't have bothered to ask first?! Well...I wanted to, but you left before I could. I saw this neat ask game, too, so at that point, I figured, it couldn't really hurt. ... okay. Pallas. I'm gonna ask you something, and you're gonna answer me straight, okay? Okaaaaaay...? Does this not establish an incredibly direct connection between us, now? It... might? ...oh, no. Shia's catching on. So if there's a direct link between us, now, don't you think people are gonna realize, that if they wanna know anything about you-- Oh. OH. That. Mm! Uh-huh. I think I understand. Yeah. And now you're gonna need to help me figure out a way to explain all of this without giving away the entire fact that you two--! Actually...I don't think you need to do much to explain at all. And why not, Shia. [Silence. Sounds of...feathers? Picking up the microphone.] ...uh-huh. And it's recording. I was testing the mike before you came in... you seriously don't think we can...? Followers of Rotomblr blog "Silverott-Chevalier"! It appears that our ruse is up. My name is Shiawase Suzuhime-- or Suzuhime Shiawase, if you wish to follow Nippon traditions. And my blue friend over here is... ...uh, Pallas Feldspar Shirogane! I'm, uh...Shiawase and I are Cooper's, uh... ... they're my mentors. And they like screwing around with me sometimes. No pictures-- they like their privacy. Thank you, Chevalier. Now. Chevalier. Would you mind if we continued using your blog to do things? As spontaneous as our takeover was... ... one condition. ... very well, we owe you that much. ... two conditions. ... speak. First of all, we go to Unova for vacation. Not Galar. Okay? ...I suppose that's fine. Pallas? Yeah, yeah, I'll make plans for that... And your second? [Sounds of water being displaced as it's falling, followed by sounds of flapping wings, and then something hitting a countertop heavily. And then another something. And another.] ...ah. I see how you found out, now. I dunno who sent popcorn as soon as I got Pelipper Mail active, but I'm glad they did. ... you didn't happen to-- We did. ... and did they manage t-- They did. ...shit. Pallas cut the audio, cut the audio--

[mabsolgirl]

Headphone warning

Transcript below! :3

I made this a while ago, around when I first started making art of the Supernova AU AU. There have been some slight changes since then but I wanted to post this anyway since its been just sitting in my drafts and starting to get dusty. The changes aren't enough to alter anything in the audio in a major way anyway so neeeeh.

It's been a while since I did voice stuff so hopefully I don't sound terrible lol

Obligatory @linxprime ping cause au of their au

Watch me pull world lore outta my ass cause I still don't know what im doing

-------------------------------------------------------

In the ruins of a crashed and destroyed ship, you find a strange audio file labeled "Project Supernova". You made a copy of it and now you have the time to give it a listen...

--------------------

Transcript

Warning. The following video is the private property of [REDACTED]. Any outside or uncertified personnel caught viewing this video will be terminated by any means necessary. Viewer discretion is advised.

Log 1.

I am Dr. Jane Doe and I’ve recently been put in charge of “Project Supernova” after the old one quit. I decided to keep audio documentations of my findings and observations. I find it easier for me to document things by recording them by audio then writing it all out later.

Project Supernova is a study on the abilities of intelligent lifeforms, how they manifest, if different abilities can be manifested in specific situations, and researching the phenomena of Berserkers. Before I came in, an embryo was successfully fertilized and grown into a stable state. There were many failed attempts with this being the only one that has made it this far, living for roughly 12 years as of this recording. To be honest I question the decision to make a lifeform rather than study the cases of people who already have abilities, but the higher-ups wanted to do this rather than the simpler way.

Regardless it is planned to come out of the tube once it reaches 13 years, which is a couple months away. It should be stable enough by then. Until then we monitor it for any changes.

End log.

Log 2.

Right, so I forgot to mention info about the lifeform last log. My bad, heheh.

So, the lifeform is female and it was made with the DNA of multiple organisms with the two primary ones being Human Earthling and Cuixcus. I think I pronounced that right. Cuixcus was used for their adaptability and Human Earthlings to counteract the weaknesses of the former. It has bones, can withstand hotter temperatures, and while it doesn’t need to, it does breathe oxygen. The DNA from other organisms were used to help stabilize it so it doesn’t just die spontaneously. The genetics chosen specifically to see if heritage has an influence on what abilities would appear.

Now the real reason I am logging this. Earlier today it was monitored that specs of light were floating around the lifeform’s tube. They looked so… ethereal. It was like looking at a cluster of tiny stars. I should probably mention that the lifeform is in an unconscious state. It has been like this since its creation and this was the first time these lights were documented. They disappeared before we could study them. Maybe it dreamt them up? We’ll have to keep an eye on it.

End log.

Log 5.

Today it came out of the tube, emphasis on “it”. We weren't supposed to take it out for another week but I guess it had other plans. One second it was in the tube, the next the lights appeared again and it was out and fell face-first into the equipment. It teleported itself out.

Since it wasn’t connected to the machines anymore it woke up quickly after that. Of course we were all freaking out but it didn’t seem too bothered by us. We ran some tests and it was stable. It bruised its head but other than that it wasn’t significantly injured.

It’s a very curious one. It would grab and inspect what we had. We let it for the most part and it would hand us back what it had when it was done. Right now it’s in its own room that we had to quickly scramble to finish putting together. It’s a quiet little one. The team and I decided on the name “Nova” after the project. As per usual we’ll keep an eye on it.

End log.

Log 27.

A lot happened today. Today is the first day Nova went into her Berserker state. The first thing I noticed was that she was much calmer than I expected. I expected a rampaging beast like the other cases of Berzerkers but Nova would just… stare at us. We kept an eye on our monitors to watch to see what she does and then we watched her create light orbs; like the ones from one of my first logs but much bigger. This time we were able to scan them to see what exactly they were…

They’re stars. I am not joking, she was making literal stars, balls of collapsed burning gas, in her hands! From our observations they disappear when she loses focus but still incredible nonetheless! We later figured out the key piece to what her abilities are: a limited form of matter manipulation. She can teleport herself, and those she touches, by willing her own matter into another space and the stars are made by manipulating the matter of gas and dust to collapse in her hands. It is theorized she can manipulate any form of matter so long as physical contact is made.

After a while she went out of Berserker state and fell unconscious. We hooked her up to make sure she’s alright. Right now she’s comatose; we’re hoping she comes back alright.

End log.

Log 39.

Earlier today one of the higher-ups came in and told us that we were not needed on Project Supernova anymore and that in the coming days a new team would be coming in to take over the project. Of course we were outraged. We were consistently giving them good results! We did what we were told! We did nothing wrong, didn’t question a thing. Nothing we said could convince him otherwise. None of us wanted to leave the project. I’ll admit, Nova has grown on us. She’s like family and now for some reason she’s being taken from us. When he left we all decided to look into it ourselves.

The more we dug, the more things began to not add up. Then… we found something. We’re not here to do what we think we’re doing. We’re gonna get Nova out of here. This place is no longer safe. We’ll get her out and we’ll be the whistleblowers to this place.

End log.

Log 40

…I’m… I’m sorry…

Dr. Jane Doe, Dr. Bailey Shindo, Dr. Margoba Entano, Dr. Manbagea Nals, and Dr. Ripley Hedon have been terminated. Project Supernova assets will be transported to [REDACTED] for further completion by a new team effective immediately. End communication.

[palant1r]

hi! it seems like ur a journalist, and im interested in going into that field! any advice?

Thanks for reaching out! I'm still a student, but I've got some advice:

-You don't need to get a journalism degree to be a journalist, but a journalism school is a great way to learn some more concrete skills, network with other future journalists, and get job opportunities through existing career infrastructure

-Just like. Do some journalism. If you're a college student, work for your school paper. Same if you're in high school. If you don't have a paper you can get a job at, do some freelancing. It's really important for you to get clips published when and where you can. I got my first internship at a paper because I did a freelance story about gardening for my former elementary school principal.

-A lot of things that you wouldn't expect are gonna be useful in journalism. For example, if you've got an interest in science, that'll stand out on a resume, because papers want someone who will be able to explain science news to a layman. It goes both ways, too, since journalism career experience and education can set you up well for a career in PR or communications

-Network. Email writers of stories you like giving your appreciation and asking for advice. Don't be afraid to mine people for connections. This is one thing that going to school for journalism really helps with: I got my upcoming internship because a professor of mine told me about it and served as a reference, and our school has a facebook group where faculty post job opportunities they see

-If you're a student, take classes on media law

-Any writing is going to help you be a better journalist, and journalism will make you a better writer. My mastery of copy and quick turnout that makes my editors love me was earned in the fanfiction mines, and my creative writing has been vastly improved by practicing how to clearly convey information to the reader.

-Have an idea of what kind of journalism you want to do. Do you want to do daily local news? Print, TV, multimedia, audio? Investigative journalism? Magazine writing? Sports?

-Follow what you're passionate about. Choose an area of journalism that makes you endlessly curious and excited. This is not a field that you should go into for job security or high pay, because you will get neither of those unless you're Anderson Cooper.

-Care about ethics. Please. Have a clear idea of what your duty is as a journalist and how you're going to fill that duty. Know where the line is, and know what you'll do if you're asked to cross it. If you do not care about the truth of what you write or the impact it has the potential to cause, choose a different field

-Make your editors like you. Pitch your own stories, turn in clean copy, and meet deadlines.

-Read widely. When you read news or features, note what works and what doesn't.

-Maintain a work-life balance. Journalism is a field that's going to demand to bleed over into your off-time. Don't let it.

-If you plan to do political or investigative journalism, do not post anything partisan on public-facing social media starting now, as it could jeopardize your career prospects. I would recommend also not engaging with partisan politics outside of your work. The reason for this is twofold: it avoids the appearance of bias to build trust with audience and sources, and it preserves your own sanity. It's very easy to get outrage burnout in this field.

-Find mentors and people you admire. Work with them.

This is by no means comprehensive, but hopefully it's a start!

[bronwyns-art-locker]

guide. info. whatever.

hi. you must be somewhat interested in me and my art if you found this page so i'll give you a quick guide to what's on here and some stuff about me.

--

bio:

my name is bronwyn. not my birth name, but more like a pen name for everything i do online. im a musician from nj and im in university for a degree in audio engineering and music. i spend most of my time making music, but on the side i also like to write short stories, poetry, etc. in a past life i used to be a game dev/programmer. in a past past life i was a film kid. even further back i used to draw.

i was born in '03 and im pinoy/puerto rican. i use any pronouns.

if you want to know more about me, im an open book. just shoot an ask at me if you wanna know something.

--

blog:

this blog is meant to be an archive of all my creative endeavors. you'll mainly find music demos and short story drafts here, but if i find anything else to share it'll be here.

a lot of the writing here is from a while ago so if it isn't very good, that's probably why. my goal with this blog isn't to have my work widely shown, this is mainly for anybody who is curious about what else i do outside of music. i'm not the greatest writer, poet, etc.

if you want to keep up with my antics and get updates on my music and such, i'd suggest following my instagram instead (@bronwynisntreal/IG).

--

hope you enjoy your stay. here's a pic of my cat to accompany you:

[popculturebuffet]

Pirate Week Finale: The Pirates: In An Adventure with Scientists: The Book: A Rope of Sand (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all ye happy swabs and welcome to the finale of pirate three days in a clump. And I saved something special for it: So last year pirate month, I watched Pirates!:in an adventure with scientists, the aardman cult classic based on GIdeon Defoe's series of novels, specifically the first one with the same name. At least in the uk over here it was band of misfits because Sony Pictures had a case of the stupids back then, also editing out some more adult jokes that kids would not have noticed, come on.

The film was fantastic, a fun film, one of aardman's best and so much better on rewatch. So naturally I was now curious to check out the books, which I didn't even know existed before the review and which Kev was a big fan of. And in his Kev way, he went a tad overboard but in a very kind way: He sent me the ENTIRE series to review at some point, and still is paying to commission them. What a guy. So each pirate month and outside of that when it fits, we'll be looking at this fine series. I also plan to get my hand on Defoe's other books, because I really liked this one.

As i'm not really attempting to hide, Pirates! BOM is a good a book as it is a movie. This isn't a huge suprise as not only did the film had aardman but much like Douglas Adams and Brian Lee O'Malley he kept a close eye on his masterwork by working on the film, doing the screenplay. As a result the film really does keep the tone of this book perfectly, with several scenes directly transplanted: the pirate captain's introduction, the airship joke about it being "used to look down ladies tops" (And the payoff later with the albino pirate proving it's indeed true), the pirates love of ham, it's all there. That being said what I found fascinating is that, much like those authors I mentiond while they worked on the adaptations closesly they also made sure it was a distinct work of it's own. As such while there are similarties in the plot, most notably charles darwin being the featured guest for this adventure, our heroes dressing up as scientests, mr bobo and his unsightly ass, almost everything else is diffrent.. but still prettty dang good. And you can sea what I mean under the cut.

I coudln't find anything on why this book exists and any interviews with defoe I could find were in audio form and this review is behind enough as is. Thankfully it's the last one i'm behind on and hopefully i'll finally have a resonable schedule again this week. What I can tell is he's a very funny man, is still active on twitter (I refuse to use X both because X dosen't belong to them but mutantkind and a certain reploid, and because it's just.. stupid. It's hilariously stupid. ) , and has his heart in the right place.

That said the book itself.. is brilliant. The style is hilarious and it's clear DeFoe was inspired by an idol after my own heart, Terry Pratchett. For those unware of him... Sir Terry was a fantasy juggernaught who wrote the hilarious and heartfelt discworld series, one of my faviorites and one i'm not even close to having read all of. Like DeFoe here sir terry took a genre and made a world that's one giant weird spoof of it while also including bhits of modern life (scaled for the time period) and used footnotes for laughs. In Gideons case he's aware kids are one of his audiences so he includes educational footnotes, some actually helpful, but most hilarious while also usually being helpful in some way, adding history to a work that blatantly laughs at the idea of being historically accurate: the pirate captain uses post its, one of the pirates plays murder she wrote on his acordion, there's no attempt whatosever ot be historically accurate and it's happy that way, while still showing Defoe clearly loves history and still throwing bits of actual history in there.

As for the plot itself the book, like the film it follows the dread and loveable Pirate Captain and his misfit crew who at this point have been on a bunch of adventures we've never seen and never will, love ham and are a jolly and loveable sort despite still running through people and gladly walking members of the plank they've run out of use for. The Pirate Captain is a boisterious sort who knows way less than he thinks he does, has a giant ego and the attention span of a me, but his men do love him and he dearly loves them.

Other notable pirates in this version are the pirate with a scarf, his best friend, first mate and the one who keeps most things running. In a refshing change of pace for this sort of dynamic, Pirate Captain , while trying not to show it too hard, KNOWS he needs pirate with a scarf and treats him accordingly, even giving the man full repsect. He'll cheat the guy at mini golf but goes out of his way to save him because he knows he needs PWAS and clearly loves the guy. There's also the albino pirate from the film if less prominent and pirate iwth an acordion, the only one to really factor into the plot. The rest are just a jolly bunch of weird man children.

The book starts with the group just riffing a bit, debating over what's best about being a pirate (And I have to agree with the captain, the shanties. ) , how to cook ham and just having a lot of fun. There's also a lot of talk of how to get girls, mention of gay pirates that's suprisingly not nearly as bad as you'd expect from a 2000's written farce, and some other nonsense till the plot kicks in. That's really the vibe of this book: while there is a plot, it's just there as a thin spine for nonsense, to move our heroes from one set piece to another. It still has progression but there's a lot of bits we'll get to that don't really advance the plot that much or coudl've been cut out.. but are just too funny NOT to. DeFoe , unlike pratchett, focuses less on comedy through plot and more just rediculous set pieces and clever banter. It's the books charm: it's just a lot of really funny , clever nonsense stacked on top of each other like a bunch of pirate children in a pirate trenchcoat.

So to get to our next set comedy bit, the pirates are invited by their old foe black belamy for a feast. Pirates really like their feasting here. Belamy, like the movie is Pirate Captain's main rival though here he's got a much diffrent vibe: while he's still a scoundrel her prefers to scheme and manipulate for his very short screentime rather than be a bullying dude bro. I mean not being played by Jeremy Piven helps.

At any rate Belamy challenges the pirate captain to cards.. and then looses. Really badly. He only manages to not loose all his money by bartering the location of a ship from the bank of england.. and given the title you can probably guess that it's the beagle, Charles Darwin's ship.

We also get something that was phased out of the aardman version as it just didn't fit their style when the pirates raid Darwin's ship: out and out murder. While the animated film wasn't above dark comedy or the ocasoinal bawdy joke, the book has a LOT more death. Most of it works: we get a love triangle between Darwin and his first mate FitzRoy... only for the object of it to get suddenly cannonballed to death; This itself.. would not be funny and would be kinda gross... if it werne't ofr the fact the two just patch up their feud so casually afterwords. It's so fucked up it works and that's how it works for most gags like this: the pirates later just.. walk a bunch of them off the plank as it's a normal thing they do.

The one time it really, really REALLY dosen't, is with the monkeys. You.. might want to skip to the puffy kitty to avoid reading about this portion. So... the pirates cut open the monkeys thinking their full of treasure. That's it... I'll spare you the gruesome details but it's just.. not funny and just gross and depressing. The joke to it just isn't funny.

Okay we're clear. Shockingly in contast to the film despite this version of Pirate Captain being a tad more ruthless (he's way more willing to threaten with his cutlass).. he's more than happy to help darwin out of the kindness of his heart. Darwin's dillema is diffrent here. Here instad of not really taking off Mr. Bobo, his monkey he's trained with cards to talk, is working well.. too well. The Bishop of Britan wants him to stop it and has kindapped his brother erasamus to try and get Darwin to stop. So with that our heroes set off to london Before arriving though we get some fun hyjinks as Darwin is utterly annoyed at the pirates stopping off for an arcade then pirate themed mini golf. The pirates short attention span and the pirate captain's blatant cheating is just.. gold.

Then in london we get them disgusing themselves as scientests which is a lot of fun before PIrate Captain. .actually has a plan. The bishop recently bought PT Barnum's circus, complete with the Elephant Man. Sadly this did not make it into the greatest showman. So PC sends his number 2 pirate with a scarf and pirate with an accordion because they need more than one to go investgiate while he hits up the local pirate convention.. which shockingly depsite all indications.. isn't a trap. It's a nice swerve, it's really just a modern fan convention but for pirates, with PC's old friend Scruvy Jake setting him up with a booth and PC buying pirate merch and likely running more than a few annoying fans through with a broadsword. Ther'es also your standard con jokes from a 2000's work: it being mostly men, annoying questions, models and such.. all pretty trite for a book that's mostly pretty funny. There's also a joke I HOPE isn't transphobic where Scurvy Jake apologizes for a previous adventure with "I could've sworn those were womeN'

Just.. no Gideon. No. Even for 2004.. no.

While/before all this is going on, order really dosen't matter here, Pirate with Acrodion meets a girl, they have some realy nice times but sadly she's just not into him. She is hliarious though, especially when talking to the elephant man and not getting that no, tha'ts just a cruel nickname he's not elephant related. We also get a SONG from him that's pure gold.

I look like some ex-pe-ri-ment! But please believe me i'm a proper gent! I seem like a monster, but what you don't know is I got a scorching case of neurofibromitosis!

Someone anyone.. please sing that for me. Our heroe snaturally wind up kidnapped.. except pirate with an acordion. While he catches up later he also quickly dies from scurvy. We get another of the best bits in the book when they confront the bishop.. not on turning ladies into soap so he can maintain his youth. I mean that's bad but our heroes are more concerned he's not taking them out to a proper dinner and instead kidnapping them with his creepy circus. Just the way he goes on about how he TRIES to take them out, even gives them his best evil laugh but they never go home with him is so fucking good. We also get some great cutaways of Pirate with a Scarf, Jennifer and Erasmus, who happens to be on the same death trap inside big ben pirate with a scarf's been strapped to playing animal vegetable or mineral. Back with Pirate Captain after meeting with Scruvy Jake, and figuring his first mate's been kidnapped, he comes up with a plan. So I present to you one of the funneist things i've ever experinced: He says the bishop has been spreading rumors of the HOLY GHOST ITSLEF coming to attack darwin for his theories being too blasphemous, figuring Darwin's presentation of mr bobo needs a bit of pagentry and luring the bishop out. He then has scurvy jake, whose implied to have gitantisim, put on a bed sheet, and put Charles Darwin through a table, wrassling style. I also like the foot note here, which not only mentions how dangerous wrestling is for actual professionals but uses Mick Foley as the perfect example. For those not aware of him

Mick is both one of the most decorated wrestlers the WCW, ECW, TNA and especailly WWE has seen, but he also put his body thorugh ABSOLUTE HELL, loosing multiple teeth, getting embeded with tacks and being in regular pain due to the shit he's done. Even Vince McMahon whose neglagance has caused countless tragedies told mick after his utterly brutal hell in a cell match with the undertaker "NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN'. Kindly because mick was half dead at that point, and for vince that says a lot. Especially since years later he'd do the holy ghost thing but for realizes. No really vince mccmahon booked a match with "Me and the product of my semen shane" versus you (born again christan wrestler Shawn Micheals) and your god".

Anyway Mr Bobo wins via folding chair as does science and Darwin decides to spruce up his presetnation in the future william castle style. Before he can though our heroes have to head for the rescue. We get an utterly amazing fight between Pirate Captain and the Bishop, who throws troglodites at him like discus and the two later fight with precious metals and recite their atomic weights.

After Bobo saves PC at the last second our heros commender the airship.. and in a great bit not only have the rest of the crew been wearing dinosaur masks and goofing off in the gift shop but many keep them on during the raid, leading to one of my faviorite lines in anything ever.

"Dino-pirates! It's my worst nightmare!"

I sometimes get burnt out on this job, get exausted. The falling behind, the large amount of for hire work.. but it's lines like this that remind me both why it's worth it and why for hire work is worth it: i likely never would've read this glorious sentence without having been paid to review the movie last year.

Our heroes manage to save the rest of our heroes in time, Pirate Captain hooks up with jennifer, Pirate iwth a scarf is relieved, and our heroes sail off, with the pirate captain having gotten some precious metal in his beard. They also abandon the bishop on an island, though he gets to take 8 records and 8 books of his choice. Just don't do robison curose. it's cliche.

As should be obvious.. this book is fucking fantastic and if you can get a copy, do. It's hilarious from start to finish, creative an da really brisk read at only 130 pages. I look forawrd to whenever I return to this series next. This was really fantastic stuff. Thanks for reading.

[finniestoncrane]

Hey finnie!! Congrats on 1k!!! You deserve it!!!!

I wanted to see if you'd do no 9 for me cause I'm so curious as to who you'd pick. You know me p well by this point but I'll still tell you about myself as if ya didn't >:]

So hey, I'm a mexican-american living in socal, I work full time as a post production assistant transferring every old from of audio and video you can think of to digital and im very passionate about media conservation. I have immigrant parents so the connection to my culture isent that far off- but I grew up in Southern California and it shows. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was a teen but later was rediagnosed with DID, I also have depression and believe I am on the spectrum. I love to draw and watch film when i have the time but mostly i just listen to audiobooks because i can do that at work. I've always had to work a lot, whether it's night shifts at the warehouse, 50+ hour weeks or nightclub gigs after work I'm always doing *something*. The fact that I have to work so much bums me out a Lot and I want to explode the concept of capitalism but that doesnt stop me from taking an absurd amount of pride in being a hard worker, I get it from my dad. I don't sleep very much, people always find it strange but no matter what time I fall asleep I will wake up 4-5 hours later without alarms and still feel well-rested. Like I mentioned I read a LOT cause I do it on the job, my favorite books are true crime and horror (Grady Hendrix is my all time fave author) but I also get through a ton of history books- mainly medical and historys of conflict. I watch movies whenever I get the chance, I love horror!! It's comforting to me. Most of my favorite films are from the 70s. Oh I love getting tattoos and if I had the money for it id get one everyday, I love the feeling a lot. I listen to a lot of different kinds of music, 80s pop and goth, old punk, 60s and 70s rock, oldies, 90s grunge and reggae, 2000s emo, rap and indie, modern industrial goth, old country as well as mariachi, corridos, reggaeton and Mexican rock. Really genuinely love most kinds of music, but my fave is anything I can sing or dance to. Like I said I have DID which is a pretty big part of me but simultaneously so small, after therapy I was able to get to a place where my alters don't really front unless there's an agreement to do so and it's mostly for comfort and healing reasons now but I live most of my life with one or more riding passenger seat if that makes sense? There's always someone I can talk to or ask for advice. My ideal night out is a night dancing at some alternative club or maybe karaoke at a dinky little bar. I also love to go on drives and like going to the beach at night to lay on the sand hearing the water until I get too cold.

I think I included way more than you needed but I'd love to hear who you'd pick and why :> 🖤

🎀 No.9: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone 🎀

tell me a little bit about yourself and i'll give you a rogue pairing a/n: ok this was... this one was difficult because i struggled to decide between two rogues (a variant of Mad Hatter being the other option) but i hope the decision i made was the right one💚 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k

such a noble cause that you work for! and you picked a key word, because harley is deeply attracted in every sense of the word to passion. doesn't matter what it is, if you're truly passionate about it she'll follow suit

heritage and culture is so important to harley too, and her jewish heritage is often overlooked, so she understand the connection and trying to maintain it or even strengthen it. she'd be so keen to share in someone else's culture and maybe even share hers with them

harley is a trained psychologist. she's a doctor. she has a degree. so any mental health issues she's so keen to try and help, without crossing any boundaries of course. she just wants the best for the people she loves and it's in her nature to try and talk through problems and find ways to fix things or make them hurt less

i frequently headcanon harley as someone who loves drawing as a way of relaxing or as an outlet, and i think she would employ a lot of art psychotherapy tactics. most of all, sitting with you and doodling while you draw and chat about your day would make her so happy

she gets hard work. first of all, it's not easy to study to become a psycholgist. second of all, it's not easy to work in one of the more intense asylums. and third of all, wielding a hammer while looking sexy is a herculean task believe it or not. but hey, if you hate capitalism, why not join her in villainy! or better yet, leave the crime to her and you can stay at home doing nothing all day, let her spoil you!

you would get sleep with harley around. she wouldn't be above bonking you on the head to make sure you're well-rested. 4-5 hours isn't enough, she insists on it. by that point she's only just starting to feel like she's spent enough time stroking your arm and watching you snooze, she needs at least another 2 hours on top of that.

true crime and horror are such harley vibes. she seems like she would love a horror movie marathon. the gorier the better for her though, and with some amazing kill scenes! and let's be honest, some 70s horror films have amazing death scenes in them so she can get on board with that

harley has a fair few tattoos, but nothing would make her giddier with sheer excitement and love than getting a matching tattoo (or 17) with you!!

i think harley loves dancing. she's a gymnast, it's pretty close in terms of movement. she probably has immense skills, albeit untrained, in most dance styles. so any kind of music is something she can work with. and karaoke would 100% be up her street, a cheesy love ballad that you can duet on, or the classic "girls just wanna have fun", but screaming it at an insane volume while she laughs with you

it's maybe not the same thing, but harley has harleen riding sidecar with her at all times. it's not always a good thing for her, since they don't share many of the same opinions, but you'd be a good influence on her, and maybe she'd start taking advice from harleen more often

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Bloodthirsty Hearts

I feel like pre-emptively, there’s a lift I have to ask of you. Bloodthirsty Hearts is a horror podcast. Wait, no, it’s a horror fiction podcast. Wait wait wait no, no, it’s a horror comedy fiction podcast. Oh, wait, no I missed a bit, it’s a horror comedy fiction podcast about zoomers engaging with popular media that feels definitely like it’s millenial stuff.

Did I scare you off?

There is a chance that you never listened to radio plays growing up. You aren’t the kind of person who finds it adorable, charming and narratively acceptable to hear characters giving semi-naturalistic dialogue that’s meant to handle transitions and setting and reacting to oh no! there’s a monster in the room! We’re going to scream in a way that won’t blow out the mic or clip the audio, while still trying to convey meaningful emotion!

I think, inherently, there’s a strong chance, that just this whole form of media, is a hard no for you. And that’s okay. You should not imagine that anything I say about Bloodthirsty Hearts is going to change your mind about it. It is 100% exactly what it is, and it’s not about to elevate the form. If you don’t like fiction podcasts, this is not going to change your mind, and it’s a very classic example of it.

Also I guess, spoiler warning, but nothing too explicitly important, just generalities until right at the end where I mention the way that a plot point is woven around other things. If you’re immediately curious to check it out, and want to talk about it, you can check it all out, for free. I liked it! I think that if you like the style it’s projecting, yeah, it follows up on it, and that’s good!

Bloodthirsty Hearts is about Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans.

I mean it’s not, it’s about Harry Potter fans.

But reealllly it’s kinda about being an anime fan. Or no, not even that. You know what I’m being unclear, and glib, like clippy dialogue.

Anyway. Bloodthirsty Hearts is a story about a gaggle of girls who, at one point in their tween years, were united by their interest in a series of Edgy Tween To Teen Aged horror-fantasy-adventure stories, Bloodthirsty Hearts that are full of all those things that kids like in those books like adventure and drama and deniably racy sexy bits, you know the things they like if they weren’t Animorphs fans, since we like traumatising body horror and heavily deniable nonbinary centaurfucking. Then, we fast forward a few years and these tweens are now teens and teens are complicated and relationships are different and they’re not friends any more, and the big convention for their childhood interest is tomorrow and and and —

Look, the moving parts of the story are really obvious to kick off. Teens who had drifted apart go to a convention for their favourite horror franchise and it turns out the franchise is real and now their love of the franchise and their trust in one another has to keep them alive while they grapple with a sudden existential horror and get to watch the people around them getting munched for a variety of narratively important reasons.

It’s exactly the kind of story you get looking at the label and it’s good at it, and I liked it a lot!

I always have this thing about teenage focused media, where I think about how a lot of the stuff I parsed as a teenager, that was about ‘young people’ I was meant to relate to was always, even in the webcomic era of stories being crafted with less of the publishing structure around, about adults making stuff for teenagers. I remember joking that Homestuck is an underdiagnosed Gen Xer passing on their brain worms to a millenial audience who didn’t know they were dealing with a single person’s very specific idea of a story rather than an actual meaningful treatise from an expert position about those things, and also, hi, you have these kinks now.

The thing is, to me, what Bloodthirsty Hearts reminds me of is not the story of a now, not a current event of how youths today engage with the kind of media they do. It’s kinda a 1990s feeling story to me, as it might be if the primary people producing it have a teenage experience of the early 00s and late 90s, rather than a focal experience that’s currently contemporary. It’s not like it’s anachronistic, but it’s just that the kind of thing it is feels anachronistic. It feels ultimately, like something that got a movie production that was kinda shitty, that paid adult actors were showing up for a convention that really, ultimately, couldn’t even do a good job faking not being shitty idiots.

So it’s about Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But Buffy The Vampire Slayer — a 90s horror action comedy instrumental to culture and a generation of creators despite almost every single thing that resulted from it being an immense disappointment — is a TV show, not a book series, so what if it’s actually about say, Terf Wizard Cops Stop Wizard With A Nuke, which oh look at that, it’s also about being an immense disappointment.

There are two competing threads I felt running through my fingertips as I listened to Bloodthirsty Hearts, one of the first things I put on my podcast player at normal speed in five years. One of those threads is the way that a group of girls who love and care about a piece of media confront, one after another, every single figure in that work’s creative pipeline and every structure of their life disappoints them and then as a direct result winds up eaten by a gargoyle vampire, but the gargoyle vampires are also bad. Anyway, the point is for that, that the books aren’t good, the movies aren’t good, the girls are good and them finding what they loved about it is their communal space and sharing that space and enjoying the books together. That! is! Good! Shit!

The other thing the story is about is gay yearning and how useless teenagers are at communicating and I’m not joking or exaggerating and it resolves well.

Anyway uhhhh yeah.

Bloodthirsty Hearts. Surprisingly good, considering it has peeing on yourself as a comedy plot point. Multiple times.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[internerdionality]

Oooh! Okay, so. Funny story.

It's April 2020. I'm getting more and more concerned about public and semi-private pools being shut down long term. This is a huge problem because my brother has severe physical disabilities and aqua aerobics are literally his ONLY option for significant cardio activity, so. The closures for the pandemic, while protecting everyone ELSE, could mean a huge health problem for him. I've been calling and lobbying the city to open up the pools on a severely limited capacity basis, and am getting nowhere. All the semi-private pools I call have shut down for the duration.

In desperation, I turn to Facebook and start looking for anyone with a connection to a private pool. I don't have a lot of hope, because I'm in Colorado, and most people with a private pool have an outdoors/unheated pool, which means they won't open up for another two months or so.

One of my wife's cousins down in Austin suggests that I look into swimply, which is apparently a new startup doing air bnb but for pools. I download the app and enter in my zipcode, and there's one pool within 100 miles. It's about 20 miles away, in fact, which is certainly not ideal, but I'll definitely take it over no pool at all. I contact that owner, and they're very willing to rent it out to me three times a week, for like $15/hour but with a three-hour minimum, which is, again, not optimal, but look. My bro can't just go months without any exercise, either.

So, in May 2020, we start renting this private pool out three times a week. It's out in the guy's backyard, no wheelchair lift obviously but it's doable for me and my brother's aide to get him in and out manually. This is still deep social distancing/masking time, so of course the owner doesn't come out to meet us or anything, but we have a few shouted conversations with him on his porch and us in the pool. We leave cash under a rock on the porch. He lets us use his pool noodles and patio chairs/umbrellas. It's all workable.

And then about two months into this endeavor, some rando (not wearing a mask) comes up to my van as I'm getting ready to drive away, having just loaded my brother up. He motions for me to roll down my window. Hesitant (he's not wearing a mask), but thinking that he's gonna tell me that like, my headlight is out or I just dropped my wallet in the street or something, I adjust my mask pointedly and do so. (Keep in mind that I have audio processing issues for the following)

Him: Hey, I'm (unintelligible), a (unintelligible) from Fox 31 News, and I'm (unintelligible), were you just renting a pool from Bob (unintelligible)?

Me (having no idea what's going on. Did he say he was a reporter?): Uh. Yeah?

Him: Okay, how did you find him? Does he charge a lot?"

Me (okay, maybe I misheard and he just wants to rent the pool?): Oh. It's up on swimply. We pay $45 for the three hours?

Reporter: And do you think it's okay that he's allowed to do that while under house arrest for the murder of his wife?

What.

WhAt.

WHAT?!?!

I managed to get something out and then drove away. Later we looked it up, and sure enough, the guy murdered his wife (thankfully, not in the pool) but managed to get out on bond while awaiting trial because of COVID. So, you know. That was fun. We didn't really have another option, so we kept renting out his pool for another few months, until some of the public pools finally reopened in October.

Here's the article the guy ended up writing, if anyone's curious.

for a literature essay im writing im inexplicably looking up a lot of articles abt private pools and american culture and now im curious.

i'm dutch, and to me a private pool seems like the height of ostentatious luxury. i don't know anyone in my country who has a private pool, i grew up swimming in public pools or whatever random body of water was nearby, lakes or rivers or canals or whatever. american media has so many private pools though, are they really that common?

[atomic-thomas]

(Fake ASMR Commission) Flight Attendant Strikes Up A Conversation With You

------------------------------------------------------------

*inside passenger plane flight ambience plays for the entire audio. don’t worry. that’s pretty much the only sound effect. lol*

“Ladies & Gentlemen, this is your flight attendant speaking. Thank you for choosing Oklahoma Airlines on this fine day. We are currently flying to the Green Mountain State; Vermont. But you knew that already.”

“If you look out the window, you’ll notice a rare derecho storm below us. Good thing we didn’t fly through that. Haha~”

“It should take approximately three hours to reach our destination. Please make sure to follow safety & security regulations in case of an emergency. And of course… If you need anything, I’m your gal.”

…

*internal thoughts echo voice* “Wow, I didn’t think a derecho was gonna happen today. Even for the stormy standards of the Great Plains, those still don’t happen very often. I hope everyone down on the ground keep themselves safe.”

…

*normal voice* “Oh? Do you need something?”

…

“What do we have for drinks. Well, uh… Water, Soda… Some alcoholic beverages if you’re so inclined. If you name it, we probably have it.”

…

“Ginger Ale it is. Here you go.”

…

“If I may ask, why are you flying out of Oklahoma? I’m curious.”

…

“You & your wife need a break from all the tornadoes. You’re married? Aww, that’s so nice. I hope you two are happy together.”

…

“She’s a meteorologist. Fascinating. Any particular reason why she wants out of Oklahoma for now? I would’ve imagined someone like her would want to stay in the midwest. The intense weather is great for her profession.”

…

“A tornado ruined your date. Oh, that sounds terrible. I’m glad you're both okay.”

“Wait, where even is your wife right now?”

…

“Oh… The bathroom. Okay.”

“Hey… Your wife wouldn’t happen to be a storm chaser, would she?”

…

“She is. Would she also happen to be the same woman who did that whole… Glitter Tornado experiment? I saw it on the news some time ago.”

…

“Oh My God, it IS her! She’s your wife? That’s so cool. Were you with her when she did it?”

…

“You were. Wow, you must’ve done quite a lot together, huh?”

…

“Yeah, I can understand maybe having one too many interactions with tornadoes for a time. I imagine many of the people on this plane are flying to Vermont for the same reason. Tornadoes basically don’t exist up there. Part of the Appalachian Mountains run through Vermont. And tornadoes prefer flat land as I’m sure you know.”

…

“I’m not a meteorologist myself, but I still know a few things. After all… You can’t exactly take the home out of Oklahoma. I live here.”

…

“Oh… Is that your wife? She appears to be out of the bathroom now.”

…

“Heeeyyy~ Don’t worry. I’m not flirting up your spouse. They are pretty cute though. You've got yourself a keeper. Hehe~"

...

"I’ve just been chatting with them. Small talk, you know.”

"By the way, have you seen the derecho beneath us? Isn’t that crazy?”

…

“Yeah, it’s really surreal how we’re just… Flying over it.”

…

“No, I’m not a meteorologist. But I DID see your Glitter Tornado. It was super cool.”

…

“Am I a fan. I mean… I guess so…? Did you mean that literally? I never really saw you as a celebrity. You’re more of a noteworthy storm chaser to me.”

…

“Oh, it was non-serious. Haha~ Okay. That’s fine.”

…

“You grew up in Vermont. Really now. So you’re returning home for the time being.”

…

“You also live in Oklahoma. Ah, I see. You moved. I was about to say… Vermont isn’t exactly the best state for meteorology. Unless you like snow-storms.”

…

“Well, you know Vermont… It’s cold up north. Where it lacks tornadoes, it makes up for with a lot of snow.”

“Oh, I just realized. I should offer you something to drink. I am your flight attendant after all. My apologies. Are you thirsty?”

…

“A Sprite. Yeah, we have that. Here you go.”

…

“Strangely, no other passengers have needed me yet. If I’m not helping someone, I’m not doing anything really. Need to keep myself occupied. This is a three-hour flight after all. It’s not that long, all things considered, but we’re still flying half-way across the country. It takes some time.”

…

“If I may ask… Would either of you happen to be superstitious?”

…

“I see. Well, I’ve heard on the grapevine some unsavory rumors of wendigos & other scary cryptids inhabiting the Appalachian mountains. I’m not entirely sure I believe it, but I like to keep an open mind.”

“Do you intend to go hiking there?”

…

“Undecided. Well, regardless of what you believe or what you choose to do, you should always be prepared for some sort of wildlife encounters. Cryptids may or may not exist, but animals certainly do. Like black bears for example. Not grizzlies though. They aren’t native to Vermont. You’d have to travel northwest from tornado alley to see any of those. Like Montana. Which is a perfect example because grizzly bears are the state’s flagship animal.”

…

“Montana is kinda like… If Vermont was a different flavor. Both states have an emphasis on forests & mountains. You can also combine the states’ names for some fancy wordplay. Vermontana. Haha~”

“It makes sense because ‘Mont’ sounds like ‘Mount’. I’m pretty sure the naming convention was entirely deliberate.”

…

“I don’t think one state is strictly better than the other. Both have their pros & cons. It’s all down to personal preference.”

…

“Oh? Yes, I’ll be right with you, sir.”

“Sorry, but I have to end the conversation here. Another passenger needs me. Gotta do my job, ya know? Have fun in Vermont!"

------------------------------------------------------------

THE END