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seriiousgiirl · 2 years ago

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Dead man running

Death Eater!Severus Snape x Auror!Reader (The enemies to lovers dynamic version of the Harry Potter universe)

NFSW. Angst and smut (what a mix)!! Set during the first wizarding war.

Summary: Although this mission is crucial, your motivations extend beyond the expectations of the Ministry. Consumed by hatred, you are driven by a desire for vengeance against your childhood friend and the one you love, Severus. You have placed all your hopes on this operation to bring him to justice and to avenge the day he chose to leave you and join the Death Eaters. But as events unfold, unexpected and unsettling truths come to the surface, leading you down a path you never anticipated.

A/n: I really enjoyed writing this, hope it will reach your heart as I pour my soul in each line. Enjoy! (:

Words count: 14k.

November, 1979

The moon was high in the sky, peaceful. Beneath its peaceful brightness was chaos, destruction. Hell incarnate. The mission had reached a dangerous point. There was unspeakable violence on both sides, and from an outsider's perspective, it would be impossible to determine who was on the dark side and who was defending justice. Death Eaters versus Aurors, or simply extremely powerful witches and wizards who sought to assert their authority based on their ideals.

Morality was no longer relevant, no one was there to set the rules. It was a war. Who would care if the ‘good Aurors’ were to use unforgivable spells? If it was to ensure a prosperous future for themselves? No one would. Thus, everything was permitted.

It wasn't the first mission you participated in, but it was by far the most deadly. The plan was straightforward: Ambush the Death Eaters in the middle of their initiation ceremony. Usually this kind of gathering was kept secret, confidential. Even if the Ministry was well aware that Tom and his followers were taking part in rituals to welcome anyone willing to rally to his ambitions. Until recently, it had been impossible to intervene. But because of a betrayal, a torture session, - you weren't in a high position to know the details - the location and the time were disclosed. Allowing the Aurors to carry out their most crucial and important mission. Nearly all the important and wanted Death Eaters were in attendance, making it impossible for them to escape. And the Ministry had made it clear that many needed to be arrested.

You were still young, you needed to prove yourself. But, capturing a dangerous criminal, with more experience in both magic and practice, was definitely beyond your abilities. Instead, you aimed to demonstrate your competence by taking on Death Eaters who were of similar age, even if they had a less troubled history. This was a personal strategy you had devised to gain favour with the Ministry.

Many would say that it was a lot of trouble for nothing, that you had to put your ambitions and arrogance aside, but you were decided. Besides, your target was already selected.

Severus Snape.

As the mission got underway, you and your team of fellow Aurors cautiously approached the gathering of Death Eaters. It was clear that this was no ordinary operation; the air was thick with tension, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you prepared to engage in a life-or-death struggle. Your eyes were sharp, cold, contrasting with the blazing fields where the conflict was taking place. Your heart was pounding, adrenaline was racing through every move you made, putting all your senses on alert. With all of your training and skill at your disposal, you fought with everything you had, determined to defeat the dark wizards and put an end to their nefarious plans.

However, your main focus never left your brain. In the midst of the chaos, you caught fleeting glimpses of Severus, but you never had the opportunity to confront him directly. You needed to strike at the right moment. Did he also notice that I was there?

Even though the Death Eaters were wearing masks to protect their identities, you didn't need to see his face to recognize Severus. His posture, the way he moved and defended himself, was unmistakable - it was as if he hadn't changed a bit since the last time you had seen him.

As you stood there, staring into the abyss, the screams and sounds of the battle raging around you, you couldn't help but think back to your time at Hogwarts. The choice of your target was personal.

Your heart was wounded, betrayed. And Severus was the source of your heartache. The images repeat themselves endlessly, leaving you no reprieve. You had stood frozen, watching as Severus disappeared into the darkness, leaving you behind amidst the chaos and destruction, you had felt paralyzed and vulnerable to the dangers of the world. No night has been spared by vivid nightmares, waking you up with a feeling of grief.

It felt as if a knife had been plunged into your heart, as you realised that your once dear friend had chosen a path of darkness and betrayal. The pain was unrelenting, continuously re-opening old wounds within you with each passing day. Choices had to be made, and the two of you went your separate paths after years together.

Sometimes fate can be cruel.

Severus was your first and only real friend, and obviously it wasn't easy in the beginning. The young boy was distant, and the idea of developing a friendship with someone like you must have seemed unrealistic to him. To tell the truth, you couldn't blame him, nothing appeared to be able to bring the two of you together. You were just different.

You are used to fooling people with the soft features of your face. Because in fact, nothing about your personality is soft. Feisty, ambitious, and always ready to fight. Over the years, the most troublesome students at Hogwarts gave up trying to bother you. And even if you were liking the bitter taste of the blood on your lips, you swear to yourself to never use your duelling skills to torment anyone, justice was always at the forefront of your mind. It's no wonder you have become an Auror.

And thus, your reputation soon became divided among those who admired your courage and those who were frustrated that you prevented them from bullying others. Despite the differing opinions, one thing was clear: people feared you. When it became apparent that they could not beat you, they resorted to spreading rumours about you. Many people considered you to be a violent girl, and being around you was not seen as a good thing.

And that's what Severus believed as well. At first, he seemed to be avoiding you, perhaps not wanting to associate with someone who was known for causing trouble. He didn't want to draw attention to himself, he had enough problems of his own to hang around with foolhardy people like yourself.

Just as you believed the rumours about him, you wouldn't be friends with any Dark Arts fanatic.

But as fate would have it, and if nothing suggested a possible friendship between you, it was the outcome of a typical day at Hogwarts that brought you two close. He was alone, so were you. And it is in this shared sadness, that a mutual understanding was born. From that day on, you and Snape became unlikely friends. Despite his initially reserved nature, you found that he had a sharp wit and a sense of humour that matched your own. You had always stood up for him against his bullies, and he had been there for you during your darkest moments.

As the time you spent together increased, you came to the realisation that the rumours about each other had been blown out of proportion, and that you had unfairly judged one another.

Very quickly, your duo was noticed, criticised. As if the friendship was a problem, as if the two of you had no right to enjoy happiness. Your pair was odd.

But, you had never felt happier than when you were around Severus, and it was mutual. Even if growing up with someone different was not always easy, with ups and downs and occasional arguments over your individual strengths and differences. When Severus shared his passion for Dark Arts, it didn't seem like a sinister or concerning interest at all. He was simply passionate and enthusiastic about the subject, and it didn't cause you any worry. Perhaps, you had been too trusting of him, letting your guard down without question. He had fooled you.

You were making excuses for many things about Severus, and that was wrong. You defended him when others spoke ill of him and made excuses for his sometimes cruel behaviour. Initially, you attributed your feelings towards him to your close friendship, but eventually your perception of him shifted… Was it his piercing black eyes that seemed to stare right through you? Or was it his quiet, brooding demeanour that made him seem so different from the other students at Hogwarts? The reason for your behaviour was simple, you loved him.

Having spent seven years of your life with someone, observing their growth and transformation, it was impossible not to develop an affection for them. In the case of Severus, he was always there for you, providing comfort and support during times of sadness or loneliness. Despite the fact that your affection for him was forbidden, it was difficult not to feel that way towards him.

Your feelings for Severus went beyond mere admiration or friendship. You found yourself daydreaming about him, imagining what it would be like to hold his hand or feel his lips on yours.

As you watched Severus' eyes light up when he talked about Lily Evans, you couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy in your heart. You knew that he only saw you as a friend, but you couldn't help but wish for something more. You knew that confessing your feelings to him would risk ruining your friendship. You didn't want to lose him, so you decided to keep your feelings hidden.

It wasn't easy, though. Every time you were near him, your heart would race and your palms would get sweaty. You couldn't help but steal glances at him, trying to see if he was looking at you too. Sometimes, you caught him staring at you, but you could never tell what he was thinking.

However you and Severus had been inseparable, sharing secrets and laughter, enjoying each other's company. You had felt a deep connection to him, a bond that you thought could never be broken. But then, things started to change during your seventh year. Severus had grown distant, more closed off, as if he was hiding something from you. You had tried to talk to him, to understand what was going on, but he had always brushed you off, telling you that everything was fine.

It wasn't until that fateful night, when Severus had chosen to join the Death Eaters, that you had finally understood what had been driving him away. You had pleaded with him, begged him not to go, but he had simply looked at you, with distant eyes.

“I’m deeply sorry, Y/n” His faint voice and his desperate face was as clear as the day you witnessed him betraying you. Since then, this sentence has haunted you.

The foul smell of the smoke started to intoxicate your lungs and brought you back to the present, the wheat in the field causing a lot of ash from the various explosive spells used. The battlefield was scorching hot, your muscles were already strained from the physical labour involved in the fight. Now, as you stood there in the midst of the war, the memories of your friendship with Severus flooding back to you, you knew what you had to do. And you must not let the past affect you. You couldn't let him get away with what he had done, you were determined to bring Severus to justice for his crimes.

Finally, as the battle begins to wind down, you catch sight of Severus slipping away into the shadows. You know that this is your chance, and you abandon your fellow Aurors to chase after him. With a determined look in your eyes, you set off after him, dodging spells and curses as you went.

“Y/n!! Don’t go there!” The voice of one of your Auror partners rose from behind you, but it was already too late. Severus' figure was heading into the forest that bordered the field. You knew it was certainly a trap. Severus could take advantage in the darkness of the woods. Yet, your feet guided you carelessly, sending you on a frantic chase.

During your previous missions, you had always found yourself in a precarious position, on the defensive and trying to hold your ground against the relentless attacks of the Death Eaters. It was always a struggle to stay alive, to avoid capture, and to protect your fellow Aurors. Although you knew it was selfish to abandon your comrades, you had already made many sacrifices.

Usually, the Death Eaters found an illicit pleasure in gaining the advantage in the fight, and thus in hunting. Chase or be chased. This was the first time you found yourself in this superior position, and it filled you with a newfound sense of confidence and pride.

As you stepped into the forest, the moon’s rays filtered through the treetops, casting dappled shadows on the ground. The air was cool and refreshing, the pungent smell of ash and smoke dissipated, replaced by the refreshing scent of trees and foliage and the sound of leaves rustling in the wind was a welcome contrast to the chaos of the battle. Despite the danger, you couldn't help but feel a sense of peace wash over you as you ran. There was something about being surrounded by nature that always seemed to calm you, to centre you in a way that nothing else could.

But your peace was short-lived as you caught sight of Severus up ahead, his figure darting in tho the darkness. You quickened your pace, your eyes scanning the shadows for any sign of him. The path was narrow, and the trees grew so close together that the moonlight was almost entirely blocked out. You pushed your way through the underbrush, branches scratching at your skin and twigs snapping underfoot. But you didn't stop, your determination driving you forward.

"You're a coward!!" You yelled with all your might, your words reverberated among the trees. But the only response was silence, interrupted only by the rustling of leaves beneath your feet as you ran towards Severus. The natural sounds of the environment enveloped you, accentuating the absence of any reply. Your mind raced with a flurry of emotions. Anger, betrayal, sadness, and regret all jostled for attention, each one vying to be heard over the pounding of your heart.

You didn't hesitate. With a burst of speed, you closed the distance between you, closing in on him. You were so focused on your target that you almost didn't see the spell coming. But at the last moment, you managed to dodge it, leaping to the side as a jet of red light whizzed past your ear. So, it seems like this is his way of answering me.

However, you were relentless, your mind consumed with the desire to bring him to justice. The forest blurred around you, the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You didn't know what the outcome would be, but you knew that you had to catch him, no matter what.

But fate was not on your side.

In the heat of the chase, you failed to notice a particularly treacherous section of the forest floor, slick with mud and leaves. Before you knew it, your foot slipped, and you went crashing down onto the ground. Pain shot through your body as you hit the ground hard, your head spinning from the impact. You tried to get up, but your leg refused to move, and you realised with horror that you had twisted your ankle in the fall.

As you lay on the ground, the pain coursing through your body, you felt a sense of panic rising within you. Your breaths came in ragged gasps, and your head throbbed with each beat of your heart. You tried to move, but the pain was too much. It felt as though your whole body was on fire, and you were powerless to do anything but lie there and wait for the pain to subside. But as soon as you moved, the pain flared up again, and you fell back to the ground with a gasp. In the silence of the forest, you could hear the sound of your own heartbeat, the rustling of leaves in the wind, and the distant cries of battle echoing through the trees. The darkness that surrounded you was almost suffocating, and you felt a sense of fear creeping over you.

You were trapped, alone and vulnerable in the heart of the forest.

What if Severus was still out there, watching you from the shadows? What if he was waiting for you to make a move, ready to strike as soon as you revealed your position? The thought sent a shiver down your spine, and you tried to push yourself up, despite the pain. In vain.

In the midst of the forest, you notice a sound that differs greatly from the usual noises. It is the sound of footsteps, growing increasingly louder until you feel a presence looming over you.

You hear a voice, deep and familiar, "Are you alright?" You recognize it instantly as Severus’ voice, muffled by the mask he was wearing.

You try to respond, but the pain makes it impossible to speak properly. Instead, you manage to hiss in pain, your voice weak. “What are you doing? You're supposed to run away from me!” In your voice there was frustration and a sense of failure. But you would never let the pain put an end to your ambitions.

You raised your gaze, still struggling on the floor. The familiar Death Eater mask he wore only added to your already heightened sense of danger. You couldn't read his expression, and the thought of what he might do or think, was enough to make you shudder with fear. However, your survival instincts kicked in, and with a burst of energy, you managed to raise your wand and cast a basic spell in his direction. The spell hit its intended target, Severus' mask, causing it to fly off and revealing his face.

For a moment, the two of you stared at each other, both caught off guard by the sudden turn of events. Your breath was taken away. Severus had both changed and remained the same. It had only been a year since you had seen each other so closely.

As you lay there, looking up at Severus, your mind couldn't help but take in every detail of his appearance. His dark eyes seemed to bore into your soul, as if searching for something within you. But the dark circles underneath made you worry for him; they made him appear unwell, as though he had not slept in days. His hair had grown longer, reaching down to his shoulders. And his facial features - his high cheekbones and hooked nose - were still as sharp and defined as ever. Despite his youth, there was an air of maturity about him that you couldn't help but notice. He seemed exhausted, like he had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. And yet, his posture was not defensive, but rather commanding. It was as if he had a great deal of responsibility resting on his shoulders and he had to carry himself in a certain way. Even with your wand aimed at him, he did not seem afraid. Instead, he held himself with confidence and poise.

"Y/n, feisty as ever. I see." He began his sentence, almost amused by your hostile behaviour towards him, as if you were wrong to be suspicious. "Are you in pain?"

You try to respond, but the pain makes it impossible to speak. Instead, you manage a weak nod.

Severus kneels down beside you, his hand hovering over your body, hesitant to touch. "Let me help you up," he says, his voice softer than you've ever heard it before. With gentle hands, he helps you to your feet.

You had spent so much time hating him, chasing after him, it was hard to remember that he had once been your friend. But, as you stand, the pain begins to subside, and you can see more clearly now. You look up at Severus and notice a look of concern etched on his face. It's a look you've never seen before, and it takes you aback. In that instant, you saw a glimpse of the old Severus, the one you had known before he had joined the Death Eaters.

"Why are you helping me?" You tried to behave as detached as possible.

Severus didn't answer right away, almost hesitant. "We're being followed. We need to find a safe place before we get caught." And despite the gravity of his words, you couldn't help but focus your mind on the warmth of his body next to yours, how the feeling had become foreign over time. However, his scent mixed with the stench of smoke, made you feel nostalgic. Like a distant dream.

“Y/n,” he called for your attention, urgence in his voice. “We have to go. We can talk, fight, or whatever you want, after that. But we need to hide."

"Alright Severus," you manage to say, your voice still weak. You brace yourself for his retort, expecting him to insult or belittle you as he usually does. Especially after you fell, a quite risible mistake. But to your surprise, he simply nods and offers you a hand to steady yourself.

As you took Severus' outstretched hand, you felt a sense of unease. You couldn't help but remember all the times he had been your friend and now your enemies, all the times he had caused you joy and pain. But, you felt a strange sense of comfort in his presence. The warmth you felt wasn't just physical, but emotional as well. It had been a long time since you and Severus had worked together as allies, putting your differences aside for a common goal. Even if, for the moment, his motives in helping you are still rather unclear.

As you stumbled a few times, he was always there to catch you, offering you his steady support. His touch was gentle, and you could see the concern in his dark eyes as he helped you walk. You felt like you could trust him, even if you knew that this was just a temporary alliance. But for the moment, you were grateful for his help, and for the strange warmth that had spread through your body. It felt like a glimmer of hope, a small reminder that even in the darkest of times, there could be moments of light and cooperation.

Severus scanned the surrounding area frantically, his eyes darting from tree to tree, searching for a suitable hiding spot. Finally, he spotted a large bush nearby, and he gestured for you to follow him. You both made your way to the bush, and Severus helped you to crawl underneath it.

As you lay there, trying to steady your breathing, the sound of the Death Eaters grew louder and louder. You could hear their footsteps as they rushed past, their shouts echoing through the trees. You held your breath, afraid that they would hear you, but Severus remained calm and steady, his presence calming you down.

After what felt like an eternity, the sound of the Death Eaters faded away, and you both let out a sigh of relief. Severus helped you out from under the bush, and you both stood up, taking a moment to catch your breath.

Despite the flurry of events that had transpired in a mere span of time, your thoughts remained a jumbled mess, grappling with the past in an attempt to make sense of it all. However, you made a conscious effort to push those thoughts aside and focus on the present moment. You turned to Severus, breaking the silence with a question that had been gnawing at the back of your mind, “Do you think we are safe?”

Severus looked at you with a grim expression, his eyes flickering with a mixture of determination and anxiety. He didn't answer your question directly, but instead scanned the area around you, as if assessing the level of danger.

"It's hard to say," he finally replied, his voice low and steady. "But we should assume that we are not safe and act accordingly. But it will be enough to take the time to heal you."

You couldn't help but recall the times when you knew him to be weak and silent, always overshadowed by his peers. But now, seeing him as a commanding figure, so composed and in charge, was a revelation. He had clearly developed this new facet within the Death Eaters, and you couldn't help but be impressed. Severus had finally found his place within the circle of Voldemort. Perhaps his newfound confidence came from the fact that he was no longer just a follower, but an integral part of the organisation. It was a frightening thought, but also a necessary one to acknowledge.

He sat you against the trunk of a tree, and knelt down after you, ready to tend your ankle. The silence between you was heavy. You could feel the memories of your shared past creeping up on you, threatening to overwhelm you. You stole a glance at Severus, but his expression remained distant and unreadable. It was as if he was lost in his own thoughts, unable or unwilling to share them with you.

You couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Did he regret his choices? Did he wish he had done things differently? Or was he content with his place among the Death Eaters, with the power and influence he had gained?

"It didn't have to be like this, Severus," you replied, breaking the silence. "Why did you choose this path?"

"I had no choice," he said bitterly. "I made a mistake, and now I'm paying for it."

You were taken aback by his words, which were unexpectedly honest and vulnerable. It seemed that Severus was prepared to face whatever consequences you might impose on him. His surrender surprised you, for you did not expect him to yield to you.

"Is that why you're helping me...? Out of regret?" Your voice was weaker than you wanted it to sound, a faint touch of anger. But, it was still a far cry from the strong-willed Auror you were before you stumbled into that forest. "Because you think you owe me something?"

Severus frowned, you had pointed out what seems to annoy him. "I do what is necessary. Because I know you, Y/n.” His answer remained cryptic, confirming your suspicions to a certain extent.

Severus' hands moved with practised ease, as if he had done this a hundred times before. He gently removed your shoe and sock, exposing your injured ankle. As he inspected it, you couldn't help but notice the contrast between his rough, calloused fingers and the delicate touch he used to examine your injury. You found yourself watching him, studying the subtle changes in his face as he focused on your ankle. His brow furrowed in concentration, and his lips pressed together in a thin line. It was clear that he was a man of intense focus and dedication, even in the midst of danger.

As he finished examining your ankle, he looked up at you with his dark, piercing eyes. For a moment, you were lost in their depths, feeling as if he was reading your every thought and emotion. The storm of conflicting emotions that swirled within his gaze threatened to overwhelm you, but you forced yourself to stay calm.

"I would have been able to alleviate the pain if I had the necessary ingredients to brew a potion, but unfortunately, you will have to endure the pain." He explained the situation to you.

You nodded, "I'm used to it… You can proceed."

Despite the circumstances, the intimate gesture of him tending to your injury drew you back into memories of your past together. His way of speaking brought back memories of how you had comforted him in the past, when you were tending to his injuries after a confrontation with his bullies.

You had tried to bury those feelings during the war, but now they resurfaced with a vengeance. You found yourself wanting to reach out and touch him, to feel his familiar warmth and know that he was still there beside you. But you held back, unsure of how he would react. The unspoken tension between you lingered in the air, heavy and palpable.

Severus took out his wand, and aimed the tip on your broken ankle. After muttering the appropriate spells, the crack of the bone echoed through the silent forest surrounding you. You grunted in pain, as convenient as the magic was, in the realm of medicine, it was always painful.

You attempted to move your foot to test the effectiveness of Severus's spell, relieved to find that there was no discomfort. "Thank you, Severus," you gasped, finally able to catch your breath after the intense pain.

"No problem, Y/n," he hummed, still in his thoughts. "Why did you chase me?" he asked, his question seemingly straightforward.

You let out a small laugh, the tension between the two of you dissipating slightly. "Because it's my job," you replied naively, a faint smile forming on Severus's thin lips as he worked to put your sock and shoe back on.

"I mean, why me?" he probed further. "I noticed that during the fight you tried to approach me…”

Your throat tightened. All the cruel words and thoughts you had held towards him since you became an Auror suddenly seemed to get stuck in your throat. Strangely enough, admitting the truth felt more difficult once you were facing the man you both love and hate.

"That's why I ran towards the forest. I wanted to let you have the chance to confront me single-handed. After all, I deserve this." Severus continued, seeing your lack of response.

You admitted with clear frustration, "Ah... But I fell. And it didn't go as planned." As Severus continued to scrutinise you, you felt compelled to provide more context for your actions. "My intention was to capture you and bring you to the Ministry," you explained, hoping to shed light on your motivations. Despite your explanation, Severus remained inscrutable, showing no signs of remorse or disappointment. His gaze remained unwavering, leaving you unsure of what he was thinking or feeling.

"I appreciate your honesty," he said, his voice low and measured. "What do you plan to do now?"

You were left feeling uncertain and conflicted by his question. Your mind was torn between your personal feelings and your hatred towards him. You were aware that your feelings were a moral dilemma. On one hand, you wanted to uphold your duty as an Auror and ensure that justice was served. On the other hand, you couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

Severus still had a hold over your heart. Even after all he had done.

The desire to be near him once more consumed you, overpowering any thoughts of the ongoing war and the potential misdeeds he may have committed. The kindness he had shown you had ignited a glimmer of hope within you, making you believe that he might still possess a spark of goodness.

Could it be that you could view him beyond his identity as a Death Eater, acknowledging his positive traits without condoning the horrific actions he had taken?

"If I capture you, and take you to the Ministry, you'll spend the rest of your life in Azkaban." You began slowly, "I thought I could be the one to take on that responsibility... But it's harder than I thought.”

Severus leaned against the tree beside you, his back resting comfortably on the trunk. His proximity was a source of comfort as his shoulder brushed against yours, conveying a sense of closeness and ease. Despite the weight of your words, announcing the possibility of imprisoning him indefinitely, he appeared unperturbed, accepting your statement with a calm demeanour.

It was as if he had made peace with the situation and was content to spend his remaining moments in your company. His willingness to be by your side was evident in his actions.

"Just as I have the power to imprison you... You could have killed me when I fell. I was vulnerable, and at your mercy. But you didn't even raise your wand against me, and you came to help me." You sighed, the solution to the dilemma was both evident and difficult. "It would be unfair of me. Especially, if you stay on the battlefield, you can make a difference in this war."

"Y/n, you were always too kind to me. Even after what you had to go through because of me." Severus was struggling for words, his voice less composed. "I have wronged you."

A newfound silence descended upon the two of you. The sounds of the battlefield had faded, indicating that the battle had come to an end and both sides had retreated, leaving you enveloped in the peaceful stillness of the forest. In that moment, you yearned to stay there, away from the chaos and turmoil of the outside world. It felt like time had ceased to exist, and you found yourself lost in the tranquil atmosphere of the night.

You just want to stay in that moment, with him, forever.

Severus broke the silence as he looked at you for a moment, his expression unreadable. "It was never about betraying you," he said finally. "It was about doing what I thought was right."

You were certain that his words were not uttered lightly, as they were charged with vulnerability and raw emotion. It was evident that he had been carrying this weight on his shoulders for some time, and the need to express his feelings had become too great to ignore. His admission was a poignant one, and it was clear that he had been longing to share it with you.

Right from the start, you and Severus were distinct individuals. Unfortunately, over time, you lost sight of this fact and began to overlook it. Severus had his own demons to face, haunted by his past and his involvement with the Dark Lord. He was fighting his own battles, just as you were fighting for a better future.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you." You realise that, despite everything that has happened between you, there is still a connection there. Something worth saving.

Severus shook his head softly, objecting, "No, you have already done more than enough. It was my failure to honour our friendship. The times we spent together at Hogwarts still hold the dearest place in my heart." After a pause, he added, "Thank you Y/n.”

It took you a while to answer, a little taken aback by all these revelations. All the hatred you had built up around him, rooted in a lack of understanding. Severus, a man known for his pride, displayed an uncommon vulnerability that spoke volumes about the anguish he was experiencing. The weight of his choices had taken its toll on him, and he was struggling to bear the burden. You opened your mouth, ready to respond, but the shouts of the Aurors looking for you interrupted the moment of peace between the two of you.

Time was running out. You could see the pain etched on Severus' face, and for the first time, you could read an emotion on him. Seeing him in such agony filled you with a deep sense of sorrow.

"You have to go Y/n," Severus stood up and offered his hand to help you up,

You took his hand and got to your feet, "I'll cover you and send them in the opposite direction. Use this time to escape."

In response, he merely nodded. As Severus looked at you, his eyes seemed to convey a sense of urgency and gravity that you couldn't quite comprehend. It was as if he wanted to make sure that he would never forget your face, that he would hold onto this last memory of you as tightly as he could.

Despite the chaos that was unfolding around you, you couldn't help but feel a sense of profound sadness wash over you as you realised that this might be the last time you would see Severus. In that moment, you knew that you would always remember the way he looked at you, with such intensity and emotion.

As the seconds ticked by, Severus's grip on your hand tightened, as if he didn't want to let go. But eventually, he took a deep breath and let go of your hand, stepping back.

You turn to leave, supporting his gaze was unbearable. Severus speaks, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry," he says. "I know that doesn't change anything, but I am. I never wanted to hurt you."

You closed your eyes tightly, unable to turn around and face Severus once more. You could feel the weight of his gaze on your back, and each step you took away from him felt like a step towards an endless abyss of sadness. You didn't want to cry, not now. But the pain in your heart was almost too much to bear. It was as if a part of you was being torn away, and you knew that things would never be the same again.

Despite the overwhelming sadness that threatened to consume you, you couldn't shake the feeling that something significant had just happened between the two of you. It was different from the night he had abandoned you, a feeling that was raw and painful but ultimately one that you could move past now. This was different, something deeper and more profound, something that would stay with you for the rest of your life.

As you ran, you tried to push these thoughts and feelings aside, focusing instead on the task at hand. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't shake the sense of loss and sorrow that clung to you like a second skin.

He was a Death Eater and you were an Auror, sworn enemies.

-- November 1981 --

After many sacrifices, Lord Voldemort had been defeated.

After a prolonged and difficult battle, the struggle against darkness and evil had finally come to an end. After years of living in fear and mourning for the dead, the dawn of a new era had finally arrived.

However, with the war finally over and your role as an Auror temporarily suspended as a gesture of gratitude for your contributions and sacrifices, you found yourself feeling hollow and aimless. For three long years, you had poured everything into the fight against the Dark Lord and his followers, living day-to-day with a sense of urgency and purpose that had now vanished. Transitioning back to normal life was harder than you had anticipated. The freedom you had craved for so long was now at your fingertips, but it felt foreign and overwhelming. The horrors you had witnessed during the war now replaced the nightmares you had once had about Severus’ betrayal, and they haunted you at every turn.

You tried to distract yourself with hobbies and activities that once brought you joy, but everything seemed trivial and meaningless in the face of what you had been through. You longed for something to fill the void that had taken root inside you.

The celebrations were in full swing, you had been making the rounds of your friends and colleagues for the past week to join in the festivities. Everyone congratulates you on what you've done, the Death Eaters you've fought, the lives you've saved as an Auror. But nothing that could remind you of the joy you had when you were younger. Everything seemed bland.

However, amidst all the merrymaking, your thoughts were still preoccupied with Severus, and the unfortunate events that had transpired on that fateful night. Though you had heard no news of him since, your curiosity compelled you to dig deeper. Upon perusing the Ministry documents, you were taken aback by what you discovered.

Severus's contribution to the downfall of Lord Voldemort was not to be underestimated. Despite his years of service to the Dark Lord as a Death Eater, he risked everything by switching sides and becoming an ally of Dumbledore. And this left you with many questions…

What was Severus's motivation for betraying Voldemort? Did he truly believe in the cause of the Order of the Phoenix, or was there another reason for his actions? How did he manage to maintain his double-agent status for so long without being caught by either side?

As you pondered these questions, you couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for Severus. His bravery and sacrifice had been instrumental in bringing about the end of the Dark Lord's reign of terror. And yet, he remained an enigma, his true intentions and feelings shrouded in mystery.

But then, a glimmer of hope. A cryptic note arrived by owl, signed with only a single initial - "S". You knew immediately who it was from.

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing him again after all these years. But as much as you wanted to know what he had to say, the thought of confronting him also filled you with trepidation. The memories of your past interactions with him were painful and complicated, and you weren't sure if you were ready to face them again.

This is how you found yourself, days later outside. As the crisp air of November nipped at your cheeks, you navigated through the unfamiliar streets of Spinner's End, a part of town you had never ventured into before. Your heart raced with a mix of anticipation and excitement, wondering what awaited you at the end of this journey.

As you approached the unremarkable row house that was Severus's home, your nerves began to settle. You reminded yourself that you had come here for answers, and that the man waiting for you inside was someone you had once trusted and respected. Taking a deep breath, you lifted your hand to knock on the door. But before your knuckles could make contact, the door creaked open, revealing the tall and imposing figure of Severus.

You gasped at the sight of Severus, taken aback by the physical changes you noticed in him. You couldn't help but notice that he seemed to have aged beyond his years. The lines on his face were etched more deeply than you remembered, evidence of the hardships he had faced over the years. His skin was still as pale as ever, almost translucent in the light, but there was a hint of colour in his cheeks that hadn't been there before. His dark eyes seemed to hold more depth, as if he had experienced a great deal since the last time you saw him. The sharp angles of his face were still present, but there was a hint of softness that you couldn't quite place.

Despite this, there was a newfound strength in his countenance, as if he had overcome something significant. Severus looked more put together, more in control of himself and his surroundings. It was as if he had finally found some measure of peace in his turbulent life, and the transformation was both surprising and heartening to see. Overall, he looked both different and the same, a testament to the complex and multifaceted character that he was.

Severus welcomed you as you arrived at the door. "Y/n, I am pleased that you came," he spoke in a composed tone, but the gentle way he pronounced your name gave away his relief.

"Severus, I am happy to see you too..." You almost added the word "alive," but it seemed too abrupt, especially given the occasion.

"Please, do come in." He stepped aside to let you enter, and chivalrously helped you with your coat.

As he guided you in, you couldn't help but be taken aback by the stark contrast between the exterior and interior of the house. Stepping into the dimly lit entryway, your eyes scanned the surroundings in wonder. Despite the peeling walls and the musty aroma that filled the air, the house was impeccably clean and organised, each item in its designated place. The decor was sparse but refined, exuding a sense of understated elegance that seemed out of sync with the shabby neighbourhood.

"I received your note," you began, your voice barely above a whisper. "I wasn't sure if I should come."

"I understand," Severus replied. He walked you to the living room and sat you on the sofa. "I kept a low profile after the end of the war. It's still a complicated situation for me."

He excused himself, leaving you to your own thoughts for a moment. Soon enough, he reappeared carrying two steaming cups of tea, their scent of grass and spice wafting towards you. Placing them down on the coffee table, he settled into the armchair across from you, positioned beside the fireplace. “I felt that it was time for us to talk. There are things that you deserve to know." he stated, meeting your gaze as he finally took a seat.

You nodded, taking a sip of the warm tea. The silence between you was comfortable now, no longer charged with apprehension. It was as though time had frozen, and you were both suspended in this moment of stillness.

Finally, Severus spoke. "I know that you have many questions, and I will do my best to answer them. But before we begin, I want to say something." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I want to apologise. For everything. For the pain that I caused you, for the mistakes that I made. I know that I can never make up for what I did, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

Severus's apology caught you off guard, especially since it was the second time he had uttered those kinds of words. The first time seemed hesitant, as if he wanted to ease his own doubts as a farewell, unsure if he would make it out alive. This time, however, his words sounded more genuine and thought-out.

You realised that this was the moment that you had been waiting for. The chance to confront your past and move forward.

"I forgive you," you said, your voice stronger now. "And I thank you. For everything that you did, for the sacrifices that you made. You were always a hero, even when you didn't want to be."

Severus's eyes softened, and you could see the weight of his past lifting from his shoulders. "Thank you," he said. "It means more than you know." And in that moment, you knew that you had found the closure that you had been searching for. The wounds of the past had finally begun to heal.

Severus sounded hesitant to discuss the past comfortably, despite the tension between the two of you having dissipated. It was still too soon for him to open up completely. "Since you work at the Ministry, I assume you know about the exact course of the Dark Lord's downfall," he said.

You nodded in agreement, "Yes, I am aware of it, and I must admit... The entire situation caught me off guard."

A faint smile appeared on Severus's face, barely noticeable, but you knew him well enough to sense that his aura had lightened. "Well then, let me tell you all about it."

Severus recounted the entire story, starting with the prophecy and ending with his agreement with Dumbledore. He spoke of his motivations for betraying Voldemort, citing his love for Lily as the driving force behind his switch to the other side. He spoke of the burden of his double-agent status, and the constant fear of being discovered by either side. He expressed his remorse for how he had treated you in the past and his desire to make amends.

As he spoke, you experienced a range of emotions - anger at his past behaviour towards you, admiration for his bravery, and a sense of relief that he was finally opening up to you. Above all, however, you felt jealous, as his story reminded you of the cruel realities of life.

"That's why I've been absent, I'm now at Hogwarts as the Potions Master. Dumbledore wished to give me the chance to find my place in this world." He spoke with enthusiasm about Dumbledore's decision. However, as he finished his tale, his voice trailed off. It seemed as if he was attuned to your feelings and had sensed your detachment since Lily was mentioned.

However you tried to return a small smile, relieved to see that Severus had found his place. "I'm glad you've found your path, Severus. It sounds like Hogwarts is a good fit for you."

Severus placed his tea cup on his lap and fixed his gaze on you. "Thank you, Y/n," he began, but his next words made you feel confused. "But the truth is, I didn't bring you here just to convey something I could have easily explained in a letter.”

The gravity in his tone made you tense up. "What do you mean?" you asked, feeling apprehensive.

Severus, after maintaining eye contact with you since you arrived, finally averted his gaze. He then took a deep breath, bracing himself to reveal what appeared to be the most challenging aspect of the conversation.

"Y/n, I want to express my gratitude to you for what you shared with me that night," he began slowly. "You gave me a chance - a chance to make a difference in this war. It’s because you never ceased to believe in me, to recognize the good that was buried. If I found the right path, it was only because of you." He paused for a moment, but it was obvious that he was simply taking it to gather his thoughts properly.

"The further I was from you, the more I realised the weight of my choices and my mistakes. There wasn't a single day I spent in your absence without thinking about you, without wanting to try to rebuild our relationship." He spoke with a heavy heart, as if the wound was still fresh.

"It was a privilege to see you again, even if it was brief. I never thought it would be possible, but fate had other plans. Your face, which used to haunt me with regret, has become my source of strength. It's the reason I found the will to fight." Severus let out a heavy sigh, as if trying to release the intense emotions weighing on him. You couldn't see his eyes, but the intensity in his deep, thundering voice was enough to convey his sincerity.

Severus revealed, "In the beginning, I used Lily as a reason to switch sides and prove my allegiance. However, as the war progressed, my feelings for someone else grew stronger. It was as if I had finally acknowledged and accepted emotions that I had denied and suppressed for years. The mere thought of that person's death was unbearable." He looked up at you, his gaze brimming with intensity and emotion. "You may view me as selfish, but I did all this to save your life."

Severus conveyed that his confession was now complete. The weight of his words had left you feeling overwhelmed and at a loss for how to respond. The information he had shared was a lot to process, and you found yourself unable to immediately form a response. The silence that followed between you was heavy with unspoken emotions.

You could see the hope and fear in his eyes, as he waited for your answer. But the longer you took to respond, the more you saw the swirl of emotion in his eyes begin to dull. It was as if he was slowly closing himself off from you, shutting down his emotions and building a wall between you.

You could sense his disappointment and frustration, and it only made it harder for you to speak. Eventually, Severus' eyes closed, and you could see the tension in his shoulders as he took a deep breath

He spoke quietly, still closing his eyes as if to steady his emotions, "I am aware that what I did was a mistake. I was naive to anticipate that you could entirely forgive me. I am not sure if it is even achievable. Nevertheless, I wished for you to be aware of the truth. To comprehend my reasoning behind my actions. And most importantly, to understand that I am remorseful."

Severus' last words pierced your heart, leaving you speechless. Though you couldn't find the words to express your feelings, you knew that you had to do something. You gently placed the cup down and stood up, making your way towards him. He didn't seem to notice your approach, lost in his own thoughts. As you knelt down in front of him and placed your hand on his cheek, you could feel the tension in his body harening. It was as if he was bracing himself for rejection, but you were determined to show him that he was not alone.

"Severus, look at me." Your voice was soft, as if to lull him into positive feelings. He opened his eyes, staring back at you with all his intensity. "I know how it feels, this war has changed us all. But if there's one thing that's remained intact, despite all the pain we've endured... It's my feelings for you."

Severus reached for the hand on his cheek, bringing it to his lips as he pressed a tender kiss to your fingertips. With his other hand, he mirrored the gesture, placing it on your cheek. His soft touch guided your face towards him, his eyes never leaving yours as he leaned in slowly. And then, his lips met yours in a gentle kiss.

The warmth of his breath and the tender pressure of his lips sent shivers down your spine, and for a moment, you were lost in the intensity of the moment. The kiss was filled with a sense of overwhelming tenderness, as if all the pain and hurt of the past had been washed away by this simple act of affection. It was a moment of clarity, where everything else faded away and only the two of you remained.

As the kiss deepened, Severus brought his other hand up to cradle your face, his fingers tangling in your hair. You responded eagerly, feeling a rush of passion and desire flood through you. His lips were soft and warm against yours, moving with a gentle but insistent pressure.

For a moment, it seemed as if the entire world had fallen away, leaving only the two of you in this intimate moment. You could feel the heat of his body against yours, and the soft rustle of his clothes as he shifted closer.

As the kiss continued, it seemed to take on a life of its own, becoming more urgent and demanding. His hands moved down to your shoulders, pulling you even closer as his tongue slipped past your lips, exploring your mouth with a hunger that left you breathless. You felt your own hands wandering, exploring the contours of his face and the muscles of his back. It was as if you were both caught up in a spell, unable to resist the growing passion that was consuming you both.

Finally, the kiss came to an end, but the feelings that it had stirred up remained, leaving you both feeling dizzy and exhilarated. You looked up into his eyes, and saw a mixture of emotions there - love, desire, and a hint of uncertainty.

"Y/n," he whispered, his voice full of emotion. "You are my everything. I thank Merlin every day for bringing you into my life. Without you, I would be lost." He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a tender kiss. It was brief, but it was enough to convey the depth of his feelings for you.

As he pulled back, he looked deep into your eyes, searching for any hint of doubt or hesitation. But all he could find was love and trust, and he felt his heart swell with joy. He knew that he would do anything to keep you by his side, to protect you from the darkness of the world.

"You make me a better man, Y/n," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "With you, I can face anything. I can conquer anything. I promise to always be here for you, to support you and love you with every fibre of my being."

He leaned in once more, capturing your lips in a deeper kiss. This time, it was filled with a hunger and passion that had been building between you for so long. It was a kiss that left you breathless and wanting more. The position was awkward, but you couldn’t care less. The heat between the two of you grew with each passing second, and you found yourself responding to him with equal fervour. You lost yourself in the moment, and everything else faded away as your lips danced together in a fiery embrace. It was as if you were both starving for each other, and the kiss was a way to satisfy that hunger.

You found yourself responding to his every touch and movement. His hands felt like they were everywhere, exploring every inch of your body, igniting a fire within you. You could feel his desire for you, and it was matched by your own, building between you like an unstoppable force. You moaned into his mouth, unable to hold back the sounds of pleasure that were rising within you. The kiss became more and more heated, and you found yourself losing yourself in the sensations. You could feel his breath on your skin, his lips moving hungrily over yours, and the touch of his tongue as it explored your mouth.

Your own hands roamed over his body, pulling him closer to you, deepening the kiss even more. You could feel his hardness pressing against you, and it only added to the fire that was already burning within you. You wanted him, and you wanted him now. Finally, you had to pull away, gasping for breath. Your lips were swollen and your body was on fire. You looked up at him, and saw the same hunger and desire burning in his eyes.

You looked at him through your lashes, "Severus..." Your voice was feverish, reflecting the passion you felt for the man. You were still on your knees on the floor, and your hand gently rested against his shoulder forcing him back, to settle into the armchair he was occupying.

As your hands worked to undo the button on his trousers, you felt his body tense up. But before you could proceed any further, he stopped you by placing his hand over yours. "Y/n, please don't," he said in a restrained voice. Though his body was willing to indulge in what you were ready to offer, his mind was tormented by the thought that he didn't deserve such selfish pleasure.

"Severus, please let me," you whispered, your hand still resting on his. "You don't have to worry about anything. Let me take care of you, I want to."

After a brief moment of hesitation, he gave in to your sweet smile, unable to resist your advances any longer. Your hands resumed their movement, and he withdrew his, allowing you the freedom to explore his body as you desired. He let out a small sigh of relief as you released him from the confines of his trousers, exposing his bulge to your hungry gaze. The sight only made you want him more. Every inch of his body called out to you, begging to be explored and worshipped.

You moved closer, your lips hovering over his as you whispered in a husky voice, "I want to give you everything, Severus." The words hung heavy in the air, charged with raw desire and need. You wanted to show him how much you loved him, how much he meant to you.

His body quivered under your touch as your fingers traced along his length, eliciting soft gasps and moans from him. The sensation of his skin against yours was electric, sending a jolt of arousal through your body. You relished in the power you held over him, the power to make him lose control and surrender to the pleasure you were giving him.

At first, you took your time, savouring every inch of him with your hands and mouth. You explored him slowly and carefully, teasing him with light kisses and shallow licks. But as you felt him respond to you, his moans growing louder and his body writhing with pleasure, you couldn't help but become bolder. Your mouth took the tip of his cock, and despite his earlier hesitation, Severus surrendered himself to you completely. He threw his head back, lost in the sensation of your mouth on him, his fingers tangling in your hair and urging you on. Pulling you closer to him.

As you took him into your mouth, his body gradually relaxed, replaced by a wave of intense pleasure that washed over him. His taste was a mixture of salt and him, a flavour that you found addictively delicious. The noises he made as your mouth worked on his cock were extraordinary. The guttural moans, the panting - they were all music to your ears. You adored this new side of Severus, loved that you had the ability to elicit such passionate sounds from him. It only added to the growing hunger within you.

As you took him deeper into your mouth, your hand held the base of his cock to keep him from slipping. Despite his size, you found a rhythm that elicited the sweetest sounds from Severus, and you couldn't help but marvel at what you were able to do for him. The pleasure that you were able to give him so freely was a gift, and you were grateful for the opportunity to show him how much you cared for him. As he moaned and writhed beneath you, you knew that you had found a way to make him feel good, and that was all that mattered.

He emitted a mixture of moans and groans while tightly gripping the armchair's edge with his fists, as he grew even harder within your mouth. “I-I’m going to come.” He struggled to speak through his teeth. "If you don't want me to ejaculate in your sweet mouth, you need to stop," he warned.

In response, you emitted a humming sound, causing his body to tense up due to the vibrations from your throat stimulating his manhood.

Severus took control by tangling his fingers in your hair. But he didn't compel you to take him in deeper, instead he guided you to maintain the pleasurable rhythm that was driving him wild. He addressed you affectionately by calling you "Love" with a husky moan, and your eyes met his. You looked up at him through your eyelashes, which seemed to intensify his pleasure as he threw his head back again. His jaw was clenched tightly, his thighs tensed.

You expressed your approval with a humming sound, which proved to be too much for him to handle. He widened his eyes and called out your name while releasing his hot fluids into your mouth.

He tightened his grip on your hair and held you completely still as he pulsated pleasurably in your mouth. He maintained eye contact with you while the salty taste intensified, his seed dripping down your throat.

He breathed heavily, while you remained wet and yearning for him, kneeling before the only man you had ever loved. You licked your lips not wasting a single drop of his seed as he loosened his grip on your hair and traced your jawline with his hand. His thumb grazed your swollen bottom lip, “Thank you,” he breathed out expressing his appreciation with a husky and dark voice. Despite the roughness in his voice, there was a hint of tenderness in his expression of gratitude.

Severus wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you onto his lap. His body still tingled from the pleasure you had given him, and he was overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that filled him as he held you close. "Y/n, I don't deserve you," he murmured, his voice strained with emotion. "After all I've done..."

You silenced him with a finger pressed softly to his lips. "I love you," you whispered urgently, your eyes locking with his. "And I want you." With that, you began to undo the many buttons on his black jacket, your fingers trembling with excitement as you revealed the crisp white shirt beneath.

As you undressed Severus, his gaze never left you. He seemed almost transfixed by the way you moved, the way you touched him. You could sense the apprehension and fear that lingered within him, but you also knew that he wanted this just as much as you did.

As his shirt fell to the ground, you took a moment to admire his body. He was lean and muscular, with a sprinkling of hair on his chest. You could feel the heat rising within you as you ran your hands over his skin, exploring every inch of him

Severus watched you with a combination of admiration and nervousness, you could feel his heart pounding in his chest under your fingertips as you traced over his chest. Slowly removing his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt, you breathed out a plea, “Please, love me.”

"Let me love you," you said softly as you leaned in to kiss him. Your lips met, and the world seemed to fade away. It was just the two of you, lost in a moment of pure passion and desire.

Severus leaned into the kiss, matching the tenderness of your lips with his own. When he eventually broke it, he brought his forehead to rest against yours and whispered, "My love for you consumes me. You have bewitched my soul and mind entirely." He gently caressed your cheek with his fingertips, urging you to meet his gaze. "I regret that it took me so long to realise it," he added in a remorseful tone.

You shook your head, wanting to reassure him that his past mistakes didn't matter anymore. "Don't worry about it. What's important is that we're here now," you whispered back in a soothing voice. Your words seemed to be just what he needed to hear, as he finally allowed himself to fully let go in your embrace.

Severus's hands glided over your cheek before trailing down to explore your body with a gentle touch, pulling you closer to him. The layers of clothing that separated your skin from his were an inconvenience, and he seemed determined to remove every last piece. His movements were unhurried, deliberate, as if he were savouring every moment.

As his fingers deftly unbuttoned your shirt, he took a moment to sweep your hair to the side, revealing your neck and collarbone. His gaze lingered there for a moment, his eyes filled with a mix of desire and adoration. Slowly, he peeled the fabric away from your shoulders, exposing your skin to his hungry and ravenous gaze. You felt a twinge of self-consciousness, but the look on his face reassured you. His eyes roved over your form, taking in every detail with reverence. His touch was delicate, as if he were unwrapping a priceless present.

“Beautiful,” He gasped with admiration. His lips pressed softly against the curve of your cleavage, leaving warm kisses in their wake, while his hands reached around to unclasp your bra. The tip of his nose grazed your skin, savouring your scent.

As your bra slipped off and exposed your bare skin to the chill in the air, you shivered. But his gaze, full of love and desire, warmed you from within. He took his time to appreciate your body, making you feel cherished and wanted. Severus sensed the slight shiver that rippled through your body, and he pulled you closer to him, pressing his warm, naked skin against yours. In that moment, it felt like the only thing that existed in the world was the two of you, intertwined in each other's arms. You closed your eyes, taking in the steady rhythm of his breath and the gentle touch of his hands on your side.

It was as if a sudden realisation hit you like a bolt of lightning. Everything seemed to fall into place, and the void that had been present within you since the war's end was finally filled by his love. A wave of emotion washed over you, threatening to consume you entirely, but you didn't mind. "I missed you so much. By the heavens, I've missed you," you murmured, your voice trembling.

"I am here, forever." He reassured you in a calm, composed voice.

You kissed him once more, pouring your emotions into him through the connection. He underwent a noticeable change, leaning forward. The passion and desperation escalated rapidly, causing you to stifle a moan as his tongue delved into your mouth and caressed the insides of your lips. He grasped your neck with one hand and your waist with the other, both with great urgency.

Your hand tightly grasped the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer as a wave of heat coursed through your body. It felt completely natural to be with him and to share this connection. He moaned deeply into your mouth, a low and rumbling sound that made your knees weak.

"Severus," you gasped and his hand came to work on your skirt, ready to remove the last piece of clothes.

In the heat of the moment, everything seemed to happen quickly as your long-awaited desires were finally about to be fulfilled. Severus rose to his feet, his strong arms securing you in his embrace. "Just a little patience, my love," he whispered hungrily, "I want to do this right."

At the sound of Severus' words, an electric sensation surged through your body. The anticipation of this moment had been building up for so long, and now it was finally coming to fruition. Despite feeling a hint of nervousness, you were consumed with excitement at the thought of what Severus had planned for you.

You were astonished at how effortlessly he carried you. His muscles flexed and you could feel the heat radiating off his body as he led you into his bedroom. His room was dark and gloomy, much like the rest of the house. But there was something different about this particular space. It was evident that Severus had put effort into making it more comfortable and inviting. The sheets on the bed were neatly arranged, and the scent of his cologne filled the room. You felt enveloped by his presence, and it made you feel safe and loved.

He gently placed you on the bed and stood back to take in the sight of you. You felt a rush of heat flood your body as his dark eyes roamed over your form, taking in every inch of you with a hunger that sent shivers down your spine. But then he spoke, breaking the charged silence. "Love, your beauty is a blessing." His words were soft and filled with tenderness, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of love for him in that moment.

As you watched him move around the room, making small adjustments to the lighting and positioning the pillows just so, you couldn't help but feel a sense of intimacy wash over you. This was his space, his sanctuary, and he was inviting you in with a tenderness and care that took your breath away.

He climbed onto the bed, positioning himself over you, and began to shower your neck and shoulder with kisses. As he moved his hands along your body, a warm sensation spread through you, making you arch your back in pleasure. You couldn't resist touching him, your hands exploring his broad shoulders and narrow neck before pulling him back in for another kiss. Inhaling his scent, you felt yourself being completely enveloped by him.

Severus firmly pulled your legs apart, positioning himself between them. His kisses became even more intense, filled with a passion and longing that made your heart race. As your tongues intertwined, you tasted the both of you, creating a sense of euphoria that left you craving for more. It wasn't just physical hunger, but a deep emotional need that only he could satisfy.

“I love you,” you whispered against his lips,

“Forever,” he hummed,

Severus guided you up the bed until your head was resting on the pillow. When your eyes met, he growled, "I need you desperately." Hunger was evident in his gaze, a fierce storm of emotions that seemed to dance within his pupils. You trembled and felt a tightness within you, clenching around the emptiness. The intensity of your desire matched his own.

His hand slid down the curve of your ribcage, and you shuddered as his thumb brushed over your sensitive, peaked nipple, sending a jolt of pleasure through your body. As he continued his journey, his lips closed around your other nipple, sucking and nibbling with practised ease. Your head pressed back against the pillow beneath you as you moaned, lost in the sensation.

Severus continued to lavish attention on your breast, his kisses and nibbles sending you into a frenzy of desire. His hand moved lower, urging your thighs apart, exposing your glistening folds. With a deft movement, he planted a kiss between your breasts, and then his fingers delved between your legs, finding you slick and eager for him. As he felt your wetness, he hummed in approval, his touch sending waves of pleasure through your body.

With his touch, he caressed the most sensitive part of your body, the little bud of nerves that had the power to ignite your whole being.

Your body shuddered in response as his thumb circled around it, sending waves of pleasure coursing through you. And then, his finger slipped inside you, and you moaned out his name in ecstasy, "Sev-!"

“Prefect,” with his eyes fixed on your face, he hissed, "You are perfect for me," as you clenched tightly around his finger, greedy for more of him.

You felt a surge of pleasure course through you as his thumb continued its magic, and his second finger slipped inside. You couldn't help but bite your lower lip to suppress a moan. Your hands moved down from his neck to his broad shoulders, kneading and grasping at him, desperate for more. Your body quivered with the need for his touch, and you felt yourself getting lost in the intensity of the moment.

As his finger delved deeper inside you and his thumb continued to apply pressure to your clit, you couldn't help but arch your back towards him. His lips found their way to your neck. Your body was consumed with a fierce desire for him, your inner walls contracting and tightening around his fingers.

“Are you ready, love?” He breathed out in the hollow of your ear, his breath ragged and harsh.

Without a second thought you nodded, desperation was evident in your behaviour. “Yes, Severus,”

As you gave your consent, he exhaled heavily, and his breath washed over your heated skin. With a final stroke of his thumb, he removed his fingers. You maintained eye contact with him as he positioned himself at your entrance, and your heart pounded furiously in your chest.

Severus gazed at you, searching for something in your eyes, much like he had done in the forest before. "I thought I had lost you forever," he exhaled, emphasising the word "forever."

His vulnerability was endearing and appealing. You placed your delicate fingers on his cheek, "I'm here, I'm right here," His face found refuge in the curve of your neck, his breath mingling with yours as your bodies pressed closer together. And one breath later, he penetrated you. Gently, slowly.

After a short time of adjustment, he started to thrust. A surge of heat spread through your body as he entered you, filling you up entirely. You felt complete once again as he unleashed his passion and desire without holding back.

He thrust into you vigorously, pounding deeply. The sound of flesh hitting flesh reverberating throughout the room, blending with his grunts and your moans. In this moment, the world around you faded away, and there was nothing but the two of you in this bed. No external distractions or troubles could penetrate the intense bubble of pleasure that engulfed you.

With each thrust, he pushed deeper into you, surpassing all previous limits. You gasped as he bit down on your shoulder, but it only fueled the intensity of the moment. "You belong to me," he growled, planting kisses on the spots where he had bitten you.

“Yes, Sev!” you gasped in response. Your breath was uneven and harsh, just like his. Your response seemed to have ignited a wild passion within Severus. He slammed into you with such force that you couldn't help but cry out in a mix of pain and pleasure. He continued to claim you repeatedly with every thrust, showering you with love and affection. As he held you close, his lips left marks on your neck.

Your body grew taut, rising to new heights as his passion spurred you on. "Severus- I’m- Sev-!" you whimpered, as he thrust harder and deeper. “Me too- Love-” He replied with the same eagerness, his voice hoarse. He let go of your shoulder and grabbed your hips, digging his short nails with raw intensity into your flesh.

At that moment, you made a conscious effort to etch the scene into your memory. He loomed over you, his dark hair wild and tousled, draping over his neck. A faint sheen of sweat highlighted his porcelain skin, glimmering in the soft November evening light. And most importantly, he was all yours.

He demanded your compliance with a simple command, "Love, with me," and you obediently nodded in response. Your body was already coiled tightly, anticipation building with every passing moment. The pleasure he gave you was almost too much to bear, and you were teetering on the edge of ecstasy when he thickened and hardened inside you. You clung to him desperately, unwilling to let go and fall into the abyss of pleasure without him.

You fought to stifle the moan that threatened to burst forth from your lips. Severus grunted, and with a single word, "Now," you tumbled headlong into an abyss of pleasure. The intensity of your orgasm seized your body, causing tears to well up in your eyes as you cried out for him and convulsed in ecstasy. As you continued to shake with pleasure, Severus gave one final hard thrust before collapsing beside you. And you felt his seed shoot into you, waves of your orgasm rolling over and over...

Afterward, you lay there trembling and panting, your body and mind in complete bliss. You felt the warmth of his body next to you, his breath on your neck, and his sweat on your skin. You knew that at that moment, there was no one else in the world who could give you the pleasure you had just experienced.

Severus held you tightly, his arms wrapped around your back as you both recovered from the intense pleasure you had just shared. Your legs were still wrapped around his waist, and you could feel the weight of his body pressing against yours. As you both panted and tried to catch your breath, sweat glistened on your skin and mingled with his.

In that moment, everything else seemed to fade away, and you were left with only the overwhelming emotions you had for him. They were so palpable that you could almost feel them pulsing through your body. The love, desire, and longing that you had for him were more real than anything physical.

"I missed you," you whimpered, your voice barely above a whisper, as you buried your face urgently in the crook of his neck. The words spilled out of you before you could even think to hold them back. You had missed him so much, and it had only been amplified by the intense pleasure you had just shared with him.

Severus tightened his hold on you, and you could feel his chest vibrating against yours as he spoke. "I missed you even more," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. It was a simple statement, but it held so much weight and meaning behind it. You both knew that the time you spent apart had been hard on both of you, but in that moment, you were together, and that was all that mattered.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you pleaded, "Please, promise me that you’ll never leave me again."

He tenderly kissed your temple and held you tightly as he too began to cry. The realisation of how close he had come to losing you hit him hard. As the floodgates opened, all the fear, pain, hurt, and longing that you both had felt throughout your time apart came bubbling to the surface. The possibility of losing the love of your life, the one person you had always wanted, was too much to bear.

With trembling lips, you cried out, "I love you." In his embrace, you felt safe and cherished.

"I love you too," he murmured softly, offering you comfort as you cried.

He didn't say a word, but you felt the warmth of his tears as they trickled down onto your shoulder. You knew that he felt the same as you did, and in that moment, you were grateful for his love.

As his tears continued to fall, you could feel the weight of his emotions in every drop. It was a physical manifestation of the love and gratitude he felt for having you in his life. His tears spoke volumes, conveying a depth of emotion that words could never express.

You reached up to gently wipe away his tears with your fingertips, feeling the warmth of them against your skin. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes about your own love for him. As you looked into his eyes, you could see the pain and the fear that had been etched into his expression slowly beginning to fade away.

In that moment, you realised that his tears were a testament to the strength of your bond. They were a reminder that no matter what obstacles you faced, your love for each other would always prevail. The two of you were a team, a force to be reckoned with, and nothing could ever break that bond.

For the time being, the pain disappeared.

#severus snape #snape content #severus snape x reader #severus x reader #snape x reader #severus snape x you #fanfiction

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utterlyotterlyx · 8 months ago

Text

New Pages

Part Three

Modern!Az x Fem!Reader

ACOTAR x Crescent City Crossover

Summary - Dark secrets come to light and friendships are broken.

Warnings - drugs, mentions of parental death (incl some details), ANGST, swearing, some fluff in the beginning

Part One Part Two

Even the night air was prickled with sweat from the packed bodies bristling about in the stands stacked around the football field.

Light flooded the grass, horns and laughter floated through the four stands all peering down on the pitch from their respective angles, home and away. The Stags versus The Angels. Excitement was rife, beer was plentiful, and everyone was dressed as light as possible to be able to at least try and be comfortable in the summer night.

Azriel had pouted when Bryce had met you on the doorstep to the house and whisked you away with a polite smile to him and strong arm around your waist. Though, he couldn't help but smile to himself at the clear annoyance on your face when you glanced back at him, asking him to put your shopping bag in your room, wishing that you could join him there instead of being dragged through the streets by Bryce.

Doing as he was told, Azriel entered the house, asking Mor where your room was and refusing to give your bag to her, insisting that you had asked him to put them away for you. With a smirk, she told him which room was yours, the one with the faded white paint and golden doorhandle, and he set off to find it.

Azriel exhaled deeply as he stepped into the room. He didn't know what he was expecting, but whatever was in front of him certainly exceeded it.

Your bed was a nest of open books and sketches that was pushed up to the far corner by the window. Empty mugs lined the windowsill, the walls were cream and covered in pencil sketches, ones that you had began to paint over and bring to life, and others you had returned to the same cream as the backdrop.

A bookcase lined with literature organised by author and series, some of which had been pulled out like you had only inspected it that morning. Azriel could almost see you floating about the room wearing an oversized shirt that drowned you, with you hair strewn up and a pencil behind your ear, peering at the titles before your eyes with your tongue stuck out in concentration.

There was a white desk littered with what seemed to be ripped out diary pages, in front of it sat a light brown wicker chair, dresses hung up on long rail and pulled open drawers with shirts and trousers drooping from the edges. It was light a cosy, airy, and very you.

"Gonna start sniffing her panties or something, Az?" A deep feminine voice drawled from behind him, he turned to see Nesta leaning against the faded doorframe with a grin as she took in Azriel stood in the centre of your room with a bag of books hanging from his fingers.

"Of course not," he grimaced, moving to the wicker chair by the desk and resting the bag of books on the seat, turning back to Nesta with his hands burrowed deep into the pockets of his jean shorts, "I just don't know what I was expecting," he shrugged innocently and Nesta took a step into the room, knowing that you wouldn't mind.

"It's comfortable, isn't it?" Azriel hummed in agreement as his eyes traced along the walls, "Everyone comes in here when they need to talk, she's always ready to drop everything and listen," Nesta's eyes glistened with fondness, like she too had been one of the people safe within your comfort, "It's like a sanctuary, she has this ability to make everything make sense. It's crazy."

"I don't doubt that," Azriel muttered, his heart fluttering with new information about you, "Ruhn found us today, invited her to the game tonight, something about Eris and Ithan always playing better when she's there?"

Nesta bristled with unease, "Oh, Eris."

"You're making that face."

"What face?"

"The face you make when you don't like someone."

Nesta thinned her lips and sighed, taking a step further into the room and closing the door behind her, "It's no secret that Eris wants y/n, he tries it on with her every chance he gets. Eris knows how to play the game, and he can play it well, I've seen him do it to others," Nesta sighed, perching on the edge of your bed and running her hand over the quilted floral blanket, "Y/N is like forbidden fruit, the only reason he wants her is to make it clear that he can take whatever he wants from us and fuck the consequences. She's one of us, and he hates us, so he wants to hurt her."

"I'll never let him hurt her," Azriel's determination made Nesta smile, a genuine one, they were the exact words she needed to hear.

"Good. Neither will we," she stood from the edge of the bed and allowed her gaze to wander about the neat but also haphazard room, "Looks like we're all going to the game tonight."

Azriel's eyes darted about the entrances to the stands, looking for any sign of you, from Ruhn's height and Hunt's wings, to Bryce's red wine stained hair and Fury's leather jacket. So far nothing bar the stale beer in his red cup was able to hold his attention.

That was until Cassian nudged him, fixing his attention on the entrance to their stand where Bryce was stood, beckoning back to someone with an outstretched hand. Someone took hold of the offer, and then he saw you grasping to her with a large smile on your face and dazed eyes, Ruhn's arm was slung over your shoulder and he wore the same dazed look in his eye as you did.

The group grazed over your figure as Bryce led you up the steps to a free section in the pews a couple steps before their own. Thigh high black boots, that were clearly Bryce's, were glued to your legs, and a forest green football jersey dress flowed down your figure and ended just where the boots ended. That forest green jersey you adorned possessed Eris' signature number 10 stamped on the back and Nesta's anger seethed through the row as she noticed something about you that she had very rarely ever seen.

"She's fucking high," Nesta bit through her teeth and Cassian had to wrap an arm around her waist to stop her from marching over to Ruhn and smacking him square in the jaw, "She doesn't wear that shit. She doesn't smoke that shit."

There was a sadness in your eyes that Azriel couldn't quite place, but through your dazed state, he couldn't quite decipher if the sadness was real or a figment of his imagination. A wide smile worked its way onto your lips when you saw your friends, still hand-in-hand with Bryce who was leading you down the pew, you waved at them and leaned back to whisper something to Ruhn who barked a laugh before sitting down and plastering you to his side.

Mor leaned around Cassian with a frown, "What's going on with her?" Feyre and Rhys also leaned forward with worry in their eyes, "Az, you were with her today, did she seem off?"

Azriel shook his head, "No, she was perfect," he told them, turning to you and staring at the back of your head, watching you laugh at Bryce and lean into Ruhn's side.

Mor hummed, leaning directly over Cassian to whisper to Nesta, "Is it her brother again?"

"Her brother?" Azriel asked, he didn't know that you had a brother, he had heard little of your family at all actually.

Sighing, Nesta turned to Azriel, "Y/N's parents died when she was a child, her mother died of cancer, and her father died of an overdose a couple years later," Nesta looked to you sadly, "Y/N and Caden are best friends, and they both hate their older brother. He's been trying to move Caden across the country for years now since their nana became sick, she's been fighting it every step of the way. Something must have happened, she's usually so anti-drugs, she wouldn't just jump into it for no reason."

It was information that broke his heart, he never would have thought that you had come from such a traumatic upbringing, losing your mother to a horrible disease and then your father to addiction, then facing the possibility of losing your best friend. It made him want to rush to you, to pepper your face in kisses and tell you that it would be alright, that he would fight with you.

"How old is he?"

"Sixteen," Mor replied solemnly, "Harry is twenty-seven, there's not much stopping him from taking Caden away at this point."

Caden. The blonde curly haired teenager you were smiling with that was the permanent backdrop of your phone screen. The blue eyed male that Azriel had always wondered about but never dared to ask of, not wanting to ask the wrong question and upset you.

Heavy drums pierced through the air and the crowds erupted as the two teams ran onto the field, Eris was a godly male, fiery red hair and russet eyes, he turned on his heel, seemingly knowing where to look as he peered up to you, blowing you a kiss and adjusting his shoulder pads. Azriel watched you cheer with Bryce, swigging from your bottles of beer that Hunt had snuck in and leaning into Ruhn's side who swam in the ocean of your presence.

The game was intense, every minute ticked by and everyone held a collective breath as the seconds counted down to the end of the match. The ball was firmly wedged in Eris' arm as he bundled down the pitch, using his brute force and agility to dodge between tackling bodies and push his way through. You were on your feet, tipsy and still dazed from the mirthroot you and Ruhn had smoked prior to entering the stands, Eris' name was leaving your lips in a scream, just like it was leaving everyone's lips as he lunged, grasping the final touchdown with one second to go.

Screams erupted in the stands and beer went flying in every direction, Ruhn picked you up in his arms and twirled you around as Ithan jumped on Eris on the grass below, bashing their helmets together and celebrating their win. Eris looked up at you, removing his helmet and pointing it in your direction, "You're my lucky charm, y/n!"

Bodies began to move, all standing and shuffling down the pews and toward the open exits, no doubt heading to the frat house to continue to party. Azriel tried to keep his eye on you as Nesta ushered him down the steps, also wanting nothing more than to tuck you into bed and find out what was going on with you.

But you were gone.

They had all tried to keep an eye on your forest green dress, had tried to follow Bryce's notable hair and Hunt's wings, but they found nothing of your presence remaining in the swarm of students littering about the college parking lot.

"I'm calling Bryce," Nesta snatched her phone from her leather purse and furiously dialled the number of her friend, demanding to know where they had gone, barking out a rough 'thank you' and hanging up, "The afterparty is at Bryce's, I always forget that she lives with Ithan. Come on."

Music thumped through the walls of the house that was piled full of students, Azriel, Cassian and Rhys pushed the group through into the main seating area that was void of any furniture bar a couple of tables and stands for the kegs that were dotted about the room. Nesta spied you first, and Cassian tried to catch her arm before she made a scene, but Nesta Archeron did not care for precious male egos.

Grasping your wrist away from Eris, the eldest Vanserra snarled and quipped something that must have pissed her off because Cassian swore aloud as she planted her fist directly into the centre of his face. You screeched her name furiously, pushing her away from Eris, away from you, pushing her all the way into the back yard where you stood on the steps screaming at her in front of your shared family that had filed out behind you.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Azriel had never seen you angry, let alone seething, Nesta stood on the ground below you, teetering on the edge of world-ending anger.

"What am I doing? What are you doing?" They watched your shoulders drop, "You're here with Ruhn and Eris? You're dressed in that pathetic green jersey that I know for a fact doesn't belong to you. You're high. Who the fuck are you?"

Bryce stepped to your side, "Nesta, Stop it," she pleaded, looking between you with worry, confirming Nesta's suspicion that something had most definitely happened.

It was you and Bryce on the steps with Ruhn and Hunt lingering in the doorway, the rest of them were stood on the grass, Cassian was trying to calm Nesta down before she no doubt said something she would regret later, "You're supposed to be her friend, have you lost your mind?!"

Growling, Bryce took a singular step down, shielding you, "I am looking out for her the way she needs me to. I'd never let anything bad happen to her, Nes. You know that."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" You were shaking, Azriel wasn't sure if it was the anger or the sudden gust of cold wind that graced the borough, "How dare you punch Eris like that. He's done nothing wrong. Apologise."

"Absolutely not."

"Nes," Cassian trailed off, watching you barge past Bryce to stand in front of her.

"Apologise. Why must you be so hateful of everyone that isn't us?"

Azriel could basically hear the branches snap in Nesta's mind, her eyebrow arched and she cocked her head to the side, not able to stop the hateful words from flowing from her mouth, "Is Caden finally being taken away from you? Is that it?" Bryce held her breath and you froze, even Ruhn and Hunt moved to your side in that moment as she continued to hurl her words, "I may be hateful, y/n. At least I have my family, yours just keeps on dying and being taken away from you. Is that why you're high, hm? Caden is being taken away to live a better life away from you, to live a life that you can't give him so you're going to drown in mirthroot to forget like your father did when your mother died?"

"Nesta!" Feyre gasped, covering her mouth with her hands as they all stood powerless to stop her tirade.

"At least I have my sisters, y/n. At least my father loved me. At least I have a boyfriend who adores me and friends who couldn't live without me. At least I have a fucking future-"

A curt slap cut through her words, her head snapped to the side and she cradled her check, stuttering like she only just realised what she had said when she looked to you, tears streaming down your face and bottom lip bubbling, "Don't you ever talk about my family."

Nesta's eyes went wide, "Y/N, I - oh my god, I-"

"For your information, Caden is being taken away from me. You're right, I guess everything does get taken away from me in the end," you looked defeated, deflated, broken, and Nesta had just rubbed poison in your gaping wound, "I never want to see you again," your face contorted into heart breaking sadness as sobs rattled through your chest.

Azriel went to move to you but Bryce was on you in an instant, wiping your tears away, turning your broken body away from them into Hunt's awaiting arms who seemed to be doing his best to contain his anger as he listened to Bryce and escorted you back into the house, up the stairs and into the confinements of her bedroom.

The red wine haired female turned to them, glancing at each of them in turn before landing on Nesta, "Well done, Nes. You really knocked it out of the park this time."

"Bryce, I-"

"Save it," Bryce scoffed, "She trusted you more than anyone, Nesta. She told you everything, she cried to you about this, about how terrified she was of this happening, she confided her darkest moments to you and you come here and throw it in her face for what? Because you were angry? Because you didn't want to see her with Eris or Ruhn? Whatever the reason is isn't good enough on any scale," she moved her gaze to Feyre and Azriel, "You should be ashamed of yourselves for letting that happen," then she turned her eye to Rhys, "If you have any decency then you'll get your pack out of my home. I'll come and collect her things tomorrow, she'll be staying with us whilst we help her through this."

Mor sputtered, "You can't do that."

Bryce's russet orbs sparked into flame, "I think you'll see that I can do that. You heard her. Y/N never wants to see that one ever again," she pointed to Nesta and snarled, "I'm not about to send her back to you. We have room for her here, at least she won't have her painful life thrown in her face. Now, leave."

Elain was standing in the foyer of the home, tapping her foot against the wood, a snarl plastered to her face. Lucien sat on the bottom step, head hung low, and he refused to look up once they all entered.

"What did you do?" Elain growled at her older sister, your phone was in her hand, the background lit up to the same picture of yourself and Caden, and Nesta felt herself beginning to cry at the sight of it, "Don't you dare cry."

"Elain, it was a mistake. I didn't mean to blow up like that-"

"Tell me why I picked up my best friends phone to the sound of her sobbing. You broke her Nesta, she's completely broken and drowning because of you."

Elain continued, "You know she was terrified of this moment, you know that she was planning to take Caden in the moment she graduated to give him a loving home. She watched her parents die, she became a mother herself when they did, she promised Caden she'd make a life to be proud of for them, and you had the audacity to throw every broken dream in her face? I'm so disgusted in you," Lucien fell at her side at the sound of her strained words, at the sound of the sobs threatening to take over her soul, "She's been there for all of us, she's always been the one we went to and abused with our own problems, there's a reason she's so good at listening, it's because she has never been heard in her whole life. She begged the heavens to spare her mother, she begged the universe to let her keep her father, she gave everything she had to keep Caden close, she has nothing left to give now. It's all be taken from her, and not only has she lost the last member of her blood family, she's lost you too."

Elain picked up the duffel bag containing your essentials, fluffy pyjamas, your toothbrush, a change of clothes, a copy of your favourite book, your sketching pencils and laptop. She stopped in front of Nesta, Lucien stood not far behind her, "You should be disgusted in yourself. I know I am. I wouldn't blame her if she never came back to any of us after this."

"Please tell her-"

"No. I'm not doing anything for you."

Then Elain exited, slamming the door behind her and Lucien.

The heart of the house was heavy without you there to lift it, and Feyre was the first to move, Rhys' hand entwined in hers, "We're going to go to bed," she stopped beside Nesta, "I've never seen her look that sad. Maybe Elain is right, maybe she never felt heard here."

Azriel understood you then, why you were so addicted to art and stories, "She's a bookworm," he looked to the door, hoping that you'd burst through it like sunshine in a stormy sky, "Any story is better than her own, that's why she's always reading, she wants to escape, to lose herself in a story in a world that isn't this one."

Nesta sobbed, Cassian tried to comfort her but he was also clearly disappointed in the words she had so venomously thrown at you, the disappointment clear as he looked toward Azriel who looked equally as defeated as you had on that grass.

The family felt cracked and fragmented, and Azriel, for the first time, didn't know how to fix it.

Authors Note

Ouch :/

@paankhaleyaar

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acourtofthought · 2 months ago

Note

to be honest i never saw roses as a positive thing in acotar

When it comes to Elain, it's not like they're a negative thing but they definitely aren't symbolic of someones undying love and loyalty to her. Roses were on Elain's drawer as well as other flowers. Most likely a symbol of Elain's connection to the earth and that she's a gentle grower of things. Elain was a rose bloom in a mud field surrounded by galloping horses (the Illyrian warriors). Versus Nesta being a newly forged sword in the Illyrian camp. That means Elain in that setting will be trampled. This gentle, beautiful thing surrounded by death and cruelty is not meant to survive. Elain's father made the rose carving for her because she missed the flowers in winter. I'm not sure how many more times Sarah can point out that the NC is not where she belongs but there we have it. We're given constant imagery that she misses what she loves in the winter, that she lost her color in winter, that NC black sucks the life from her. Sarah had Az's gift for Elain be a rose necklace that NEEDS HELD TO THE LIGHT. Clearly Az didn't understand that metaphor because he only speaks about the necklace itself and offers zero comparison to Elain but Sarah is telling the reader "hey, Elain just like this necklace needs to be in the light in order to see her true depth".

At the end of the book, Nesta takes Elain's rose carving and places it on their fathers gravestone as a marker of the beauty and good he'd brought into the word. I'm pretty sure this one is again a nod to Elain's character as Sarah has written her. That her kind and loving nature is what will be the main part of her arc and how she'll make a difference. Not by her becoming a dagger wielding / Illyrian leather wearing / necklace stealing (since she gave it back and it now belongs to someone else) liar who sneaks around behind her friends and family's back.

#anti e/riel #elain archeron #pro elain archeron

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evenhisfacewasanalias · 4 months ago

Text

You should see me in a crown

Lady Jane Grey/Guildford Dudley

Rating: Adult

“In regione caecorum rex est luscus,” Guildford quips back with a smile. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

“I think you mean ‘regina est lusca’,” she corrects.

But his grin only widens. “Glad to see becoming Queen hasn’t gone to your head if you’re still correcting my Latin.”

She raises her brows, “and you’re still in need of correction.”

(Really just an excuse to write some throne room smut. Guildford shows off his language skills with full marks on the oral exam!)

Jane watches as the sun sets through the stained glass windows to the west, wishing she could see an end in sight to this Council meeting. Party planning meeting, really - what had started as an actual meeting about her sudden disbanding of the Kingsland Guard and easing of the Division Laws had taken a strange turn at the reminder of her upcoming coronation.

Suddenly, everyone had an opinion. Many of those present still remembered the spectacular coronation of Henry the VIII, and the somewhat lesser occasion of her cousin’s. All had an endless supply of advice to offer her, which had taken the better part of the last several hours.

Jane finds she doesn’t care one whit about the sodding menu, or the music, or really any part of the ceremony that isn’t her plan to draw Mary’s treachery out into the open - with a little help from her surprise guests. But she can’t exactly discuss those plans here.

At the far end of the throne room, she spots Guildford leaning against the doorframe, watching her try to hide her growing annoyance at her intransigent cabinet suddenly transformed into experts on floral arrangements - on which they are equally as uncompromising. Despite the smug expression with which he watches her field their advice, she can’t remember when she’s ever been so happy to see her errant husband. He must have come here straight from the stables as he was still in his leather doublet and trousers.

She stands from the throne with finality.

“I think that’s enough planning for one night, we can resume our discussions on the morrow.”

A spirited debate over whether the inclusion of rosemary would be a warm remembrance of Edward or too funereal, thankfully ends at her rise. But still, no one makes a move to leave.

“You are dismissed,” she tries, barely holding herself back from shooing her Councilors from the room.

Jane remains standing as they all file out of the room to the last man, finally leaving her alone with Guildford. She hadn’t been able to speak with him since he had helped her to decipher Mary and Lord Seymour’s letters the night before - and then there was the matter of their near kiss in the stables. But for once he looks nearly as pleased to see her as she does to see him, and so she decides that now is not the moment to tell him of Mary’s attempted regicide, or her newly developed plans to bait her into another attempt. He will only try and talk her out of it. So she simply smiles as he makes his way toward her.

“The crown suits you,” he nods to her as he nears the throne, where she still stands on the slightly raised dais, leveling her gaze with his.

Jane reaches up to straighten the heavy circle of gold and jewels, expertly matched with her green and blue dress by her mother. She had only put it on to try and gain back a little of her authority as she faced down her Council. Now she feels a little silly about wearing it, and the ridiculous debate he just witnessed.

“It actually did start as a real Council meeting,” she tries to explain. “But I don’t know which is worse - arguing with a bunch of obstinate old men over the backwardness of our Division Laws, or debating the merits of peacock versus porpoise on the menu.”

“Well, that all rather depends on whether one considers peacock to be meat or poultry,” Guildford puts on his best impression of the Earl of Wiltshire. Apparently he had been listening for some time. It must be later than she realizes.

“Please don’t start that again,” she begs. “But you’re right, that was actually worse. I think I might actually be reaching a few of the younger Councilors on the Ethian issue.”

“In regione caecorum rex est luscus ,” Guildford quips back with a smile. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

Jane freezes. Even though he means to mock her, she sometimes forgets that while her husband might be equal parts ill-mannered and pigheaded, underneath it all he is in fact highly intelligent. And - rather unfortunately - almost nearly as charming as he thinks he is. But she won’t admit that the reminder of her husband’s ability to spout Latin aphorisms - or crack elaborate ciphers - still does something to her as it had at their first meeting.

And so she pulls herself together as best she can, putting on a mask of indifference to the effect his words have on her.

“I think you mean ‘regina est lusca ’,” she corrects.

But his grin only widens. “Glad to see becoming Queen hasn’t gone to your head if you’re still correcting my Latin.”

She raises her brows, “and you’re still in need of correction.”

“How about this one then? Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo .” If I cannot move Heaven, I will raise hell.

Fuck. That’s even worse. She can feel her body tensing in expectation of…something. Another battle of words, perhaps? Jane will never admit she enjoys matching wits with her husband on occasion. Even if she still craves a different kind of confrontation.

“Virgil, not bad. Carmina vel caelo possunt deducere lunam ,” she counters his Aeneid with the Eclogues. Songs can lead even the Moon down from the Heavens - not a perfect retort but at least it mirrors the reference to the heavens, and it comes from a far less widely read source. Guildford:1, Jane: 2. “Your pronunciation has improved at least,” she allows.

“I’m no polyglot, though I’ve often been complimented on my skilled tongue,” he winks back at her, bringing an immediate flush to her cheeks.

Her mind immediately jumps to the oft-visited memory of their two shared kisses, both all too brief - the way his warm hands had cupped her jaw as his tongue sought hers. Skilled indeed.

His smirk tells her he notices her blush, but he has the good grace not to comment on it for once. “Did you know, that first night that we met, I thought to myself - what kind of woman visits a tavern just to correct a man's Latin?”

This, at least, she can handle. Debating their respective faults is well-worn territory between them.

“And I wondered how I managed to find the most insufferable prat in all of England.”

The corners of her mouth tilt upward to show she’s merely in jest. After all, they’ve both had to deal with Lord Seymour lately. Still, she counts it as a victory, sitting back on the throne and crossing her arms over her chest looking very pleased with herself. Jane ignores that this posture unintentionally presses her breasts up against the bodice of her gown, but she doesn’t miss the way Guildford’s eyes glance down.

“In all of England, really? London, maybe,” he concedes. “Neither of us was at our best that night. Any chance you’ve reconsidered that first impression?”

“A queen must be unwavering,” she replies, feigning a royal countenance. Her crown tilts a little against the engraved wood behind her as she tries to look down, her nose at him, but Guildford’s standing far too close.

He slips even closer. One booted foot steps up onto the dais, bending at the knee so he can lean further into her space. His arms go to either side of her, gripping the throne’s armrests and caging her in. Her breath catches at his sudden nearness.

“Then perhaps I shall tell you more about my first impression of you,” he offers.

“Oh?” She attempts to feign indifference, still trying to act the part of the Queen regnant - even as the heat of his body and the smell of warm leather reach her, leaving her feeling a little lightheaded. “Remember that any disparaging remarks could now be considered treason.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he smirks, his face nearing hers. “In fact, when I saw you walking towards me I thought you looked like a woman in desperate need of a good shagging. Or at least a very thorough tongue lashing.”

His words are delivered with a wink and she can’t help the blush that reaches her cheeks, her whole body growing warm with the weight of his words. Jane tries to keep it together.

“I seem to remember already receiving a tongue lashing from you over my - what was it again? My amiability?” Her voice nearly squeaks at that last word, but she makes it through.

“Not that kind of tongue lashing, Your Highness.”

Guildford’s nose does that little scrunch that it always does when she’s being particularly obtuse, and her face heats further at the realization of what he means, as well as the intimate inflection of her title. That last part sends a little shivery zing down her spine. Guildford’s probably already guessed the effect it’s having on her, the bastard.

“And what made you change that impression?” She barely manages to get out.

“Who says I did?”

And it’s true that Guildford has made no secret of his desire for her - it’s her wishes that have always halted them. But with the imprint of Mary’s fingers still around her throat, she finds she really doesn’t want to stop whatever is happening between them right now. Who knows when she’ll ever have the chance again? Jane catches Guildford’s dark eyes glancing down at her lips and pushes all thoughts of doubt from her mind.

“Shut up and kiss me, you idiot,” she commands

“Happy to serve, Your Majesty,” he smiles back, leaning in.

And promptly drops to his knees.

Her mind blanks a little at the sudden sight, eyes widening and lips parting. What on earth was he doing? Jane realizes she’s asked the question aloud.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He smirks before bringing his hands to her knees, sliding the fabric of her skirts upwards. Surely he doesn’t really intend to…

“What if someone comes in?” she stammers, but doesn’t stop the press of his hands upwards.

“That’s half the fun,” he winks up at her. “But don’t worry, they won’t see much,” he assures before ducking beneath her skirts. Jane doesn’t even think of halting him, still too stunned and more than a little aroused by the thought of it..

The first touch of his warm hands to the backs of her knees has her inhaling sharply, the sound echoing loudly in the empty hall. With those same hands he pulls her to the edge of her seat, spreading her thighs to accommodate broad shoulders between them, and she barely catches herself from falling back against the throne.

It occurs to Jane that beneath her heavy damask skirts, she’s completely bare but for her chemise and stockings. There’s nothing to impede him. He could just…

Instead, she feels the faintest press of lips, the slight catch of his stubble against the side of her right knee though the silk. And how had she never realized before that her knees were this sensitive? His hands run soothingly along the backs of her stockings until she’s able to slightly regain her balance, reaching out to grip at ornate armrests. And then she can feel his hands moving inward to press her knees further apart, bringing a fresh wave of heat spreading beneath her skin and down to her pool low in her belly.

As his hands grasp at her thighs, she feels strangely aware of the cool weight of his wedding ring gliding across her skin, the rightness of its presence. She glances down at its mate on her own left hand. And then her whole world narrows to the feel of his hot mouth traveling up along her inner thighs, the dragging lips and the slight rasp of his jaw along the sensitive skin there. Her eyes flutter closed at the sensation, drawing in little shaky breaths as she imagines the flushed trails he leaves behind.

The sudden hard edge of teeth biting into the softness of her thigh has her nearly jolting out of her seat. Guildford immediately soothes the sting with his tongue. Jane gasps at the feel of it, surprised at her enjoyment of the slight edge of pain mixed with the pleasure of his lips and tongue. Not hearing any protests, he repeats the gesture, a bare inch away from the last mark, and she can feel him practically growling into her thigh as he sinks his teeth a little harder into the skin there. Jane lets out a shuddery moan at the feel of it, skirting just the edge of too much.

Showing uncharacteristic mercy on her, Guildford continues his journey upward, delivering gentler nips and sucking kisses along the soft skin. She can feel herself half trembling, winding tighter and tighter as he nears his goal, her sex already slick with want. He’s so close…

But just as he nears, Guildford suddenly switches to her other thigh, repeating the same maddening treatment until she’s practically keening. Jane already feels like she’s vibrating out of her skin and he’s still so far from where she actually wants him. She shivers as soft curls brush against the already over sensitized skin of her right thigh as he works his way up the leftmost. Each bite draws out another hiss of pleasure followed by a moan as he sucks what’s she sure is an additional bruise along the still unmarked skin.

Finally, finally , he’s delivering a final nip to the top of one thigh and then he pauses there, breathing deeply. She shudders at the feel of warm breath against her cunt as he breathes out again. Her thighs try to press together at the sensation but are halted by Guildford’s strong shoulders. His hands pull them even further apart, as his face presses closer. Her clit is already throbbing as he noses against her curls, and she practically shouts when his tongue finally drags over her, tasting her.

This time, he doesn’t tease, lapping into her immediately, parting her with his tongue. Her face heats at the wet sound of it, muffled as it is by her skirts, but she doesn’t pull away. His tongue strokes broadly at first before delving into her folds. He swiftly finds her clit, alternating little flicks and flutters of his tongue followed by suckling at the little bundle of nerves until she’s writhing in her seat.

“Guildford, ” a steady stream of moans and his name pours from her lips every time he gets something just right.

His tongue travels further down, dipping into her entrance. She’s only ever had the touch of her own fingers there before and the soft heat of his tongue as it presses into her nearly has her bucking her hips against him. She can feel him chuckle at the aborted twitch of her hips as she tries to restrain herself, but the inward glide of his tongue does nothing to help.

And suddenly, she can’t stand not being able to see any of what is happening beneath her skirt, wanting desperately to see his face as he pleasures her, and tangle her fingers in his dark curls.

“Guildford, wait…”

He halts immediately, drawing back from beneath her skirts to search her face for any indication that this is too much for her. But Jane merely sucks in a breath at the sight of his own face, flushed pink and glistening with sweat, all the way down his throat to what she can just glimpse of his chest between the vee of his shirt. His curls are in complete disarray. And worst of all that vexing mouth of his is now red and shiny from what she blushes to realize is her. Jane aches at the sight.

“I wanted to see you,” she confesses.

Guildford’s face lights up at her words, apparently having thought she meant to reject him once more. With a sharp burst of fondness that surprises her, Jane reaches out to take his face in her hands, running her fingers along his relieved smile. He presses into her fingers, turning his face to kiss at the center of her palms. With one of her hands she reaches up to press back damp curls from his forehead, soothing along it. With the other she glides it back to tangle in his soft curls as she had been so desperate to just moments ago, unconsciously drawing him toward her.

His pleased expression curls into a grin. “If anyone walks in now they might get an eyeful.”

And she can see exactly what he means. Her skirts are bunched around her thighs - which are now covered in lines of pink and faint bruises - her stockings barely holding on. But in between them is Guildford, flushed even pinker and on his knees before her. She should be embarrassed but all she feels in this moment is powerful.

“All they’ll see is you serving your Queen,” she retorts, and doesn’t miss Guildford’s shudder at her words.

Her hands slide deeper into his curls to grip at the locks, delighting at the sight of her husband’s eyes nearly rolling back, his lips parting at the slight tug. An even stronger pull has him moaning, but still grinning up at her. Jane laughs. Neither one of them has ever been good at giving in.

Still, he goes willingly as she guides him back to where she’s aching. It takes them a moment to rearrange her gown so that it’s out of the way but then he’s pressing back in, tongue picking up just where it left off.

Where it left off was driving her slowly insane, the delicious in and out of his clever tongue. Still keeping a firm grip on his curls, she guides him back up to her clit when it has started to feel neglected, and he’s quick to wrap his lips around it, swirling his tongue around her. His eyes flick up to meet hers and she gasps at the intensity of his gaze.

His tongue moves down to dip into her again, and at the slight tease of it she tightens her grip to press him deeper. Guildford groans, eyes briefly slipping closed at the sensation and she can feel the sound vibrate through her. Jane suddenly wants more.

With one hand she keeps hold of him, pressing him into her, while the other shifts to run through his wild curls, occasionally scratching at his scalp with blunted nails. Each motion draws out a new little noise from her husband and she feels them all reverberating shiveringly through her cunt. His tongue is practically fucking her now, and she can feel her hips trying to match his rhythm.

Jane tries to stop herself, but Guildford’s hands run soothingly along her outer thighs, petting at her hips and encouraging them to rock back, riding against the thrust of his tongue. Like this, his lips and nose occasionally bump against her clit, but it’s not quite enough.

“I need…” she starts, not sure exactly what she intends to say.

Thankfully Guildford seems to guess at it, the way she’s tilting her hips against him. His right hand abandons her hip to wrap around her thigh and slip between them. Like this he’s able to press his palm against her belly, thumb slipping down to slickly circle her clit in time with the motion of his tongue, leaving her trembling above him. In Guildford’s dark eyes she can read how much he wants this too, how lost he is in her pleasure, in his adoration of her.

Her hands can’t stop running over any part of him she can touch - his hair, his shoulders, his jaw - and he hums his pleasure at each touch deep within her. The sensation is almost too much as her hips buck helplessly against him, legs shaky with effort. She can feel her inner walls clenching with each plunge of his tongue inside her, her whole body thrumming with need.

“Guildford, ” she breathes out.

She can feel what must be her own name moaned into her as Guildford clutches roughly at her hip, pressing her into his fingers and mouth as he drags her screaming over the edge. Wave after wave of pleasure flows through her as the muscles of her core tense and release with the continued onslaught of his tongue, the ceaseless press of his thumb against her clit. When it finally gets to be too much, he eases her down from it, gentling his tongue and fingers until she only feels soft little kittenish licks and the shuddery tremors that follow.

Eventually, she draws him back from him, huffing out a giggle as he wipes his face on the edge of her gown. Guildford raises himself up on unsteady legs to press his lips to hers, mouth still slick with her release. Her body gives one last little tremble at the taste of herself on his tongue. She never wants to stop kissing him, but eventually they have to break apart for air.

“Thorough enough for you, Your Majesty?” Guildford asks rather breathlessly, reaching up to straighten her crown where it’s tipped forward.

“Full marks for pronunciation,” she laughs.

He winks back at her.

“You can correct my Latin anytime.”

#save my lady jane #my lady jane #lady jane grey #guildford dudley #janeford #throne room #banter #my fics #my writing #fanfiction

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liminalpebble · 5 months ago

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Lock and Key: Part 1 of 2 (A Professor Pine Story)

Part 2 link

AN: Part 1of 2, older/ instructor/Jonathan Pine x student/agent/femme reader

CW: Minors DNI. Smut in the next part, my loves.

“Again,” said Pine, glaring down at you through the dark frame of his glasses.

You slammed down the lock and picks in frustration, then rubbed at your temples where a headache was creeping in. Your hands reeked of metal and WD40. You'd been at this, stuck in his office, all afternoon.

“It took 10 minutes, Pine! That's not half bad.”

“Professor Pine...and it's not half good either. Ten minutes is too long in field work.”

“Jesus Christ,” you muttered, as he simply stared you down.

Silences never felt awkward for him, never seemed to make him the least bit uncomfortable. He had a way of observing so closely and quietly that it was absolutely preternatural.

“Do you ever blink?”

That actually did make him laugh, a tiny puff of a thing under his breath, the slightest flex of a smile on his unbearably handsome face. He fidgeted with his glasses; one of his few tells. It communicated, without a word, that the stoic Jonathan Pine was deeply concerned.

The addition of lenses to his face was a recent, not to mention reluctant, one. He told himself that was the cause of his frustration, his unease; just that annoying little touch of plastic against his skin, a tiny chafe reminding him that he was older now. He told himself that's all it was, that it had nothing to do with you. He wasn't fooling himself.

Pine didn't think you'd notice, but you did.

You noticed a good deal more than he thought.

He moved toward the stopwatch again, then neatly and precisely placed the utensils back in front of you. His deft, practiced, fingers reset the lock in no time. He raise an eyebrow, his finger hovering over the button, silently asking if you're ready yet again.

You sighed and stretched your neck and back, rolling out a few sharp creaks and pops. You wiggled your fingers and took a deep breath. He tried not to notice the curve of your throat and collarbones as you moved, the way your deep breaths raised and lowered your soft chest in a mesmerizing rhythm.

“Can I at least talk to you this time? It might make it easier to get out of my head...find some kind of flow. I'm overthinking and I'm panicking...maybe...I don't know.”

He grimaced. Ideally, this should be silent. It would have to be on an assignment and he worried about that; about you.

That's why you were here, after all. Pine demanded your attendance in office hours because he was concerned for you...more than he ought to be, more than he had any right to be as your instructor. It had grown into much more than a professional interest.

It weighed on his conscience. In this line of work, he knew better than anyone how fatal attachments could be. You were a firecracker and he watched you in splendid wonder, even though you could burn him to the ground. His feelings for you were his deepest secret, and he kept it guarded like Fort Knox.

Jonathan combed a hand through his curls. They were growing quickly, getting unruly and it irked him. Pine wasn't used to wearing the styles and trappings of another man's life yet; he was a spy...the spy that took down Richard Roper, and now he was a man behind a desk, lecturing to future agents. It felt strange to be replaced in the field. He missed the adrenaline, the pumping blood, the danger...all things he was now beginning to associate with you.

Finally, after the deafening silence of his ruminations, he put his hands on his hips and huffed out a, “sure, okay. But just this once.”

He pushed the button and the clicking began; the regular, measured ticks of the watch versus the more firm and frenzied clicks of metal against metal as you finessed the pins.

“Gently!” he advised placing a hand on your shoulder. The sound of his crisp baritone and his proximity were doing nothing to help your focus. “I'm going to start calling you Attila the Hun!”

“What?”

“You work in a frenzy, you know? You're whip-smart but you're...reckless.”

click....click click

“Hrmm. Well, Director Burr seems to remember a time when you could be reckless too.”

He frowned and stopped his pacing. “She told you that?”

Click. Click. Tick tick tick.

“Hrrmm...not in so many words. I read between the lines. Do you like this new life? Are you less...reckless...*click* these days?”

Pine crossed his arm and resumed his slow journey to nowhere.“We're not here to talk about me, we're here to make you a competent field agent.”

You shrugged. “Well, that's going swimmingly, isn't it? *click click* I don't see why you're so obsessed with this analog stuff. I can bring a Fortune 500 company to its knees with a few keystrokes and you think this is something that I'll need to do?”

“Hacking can't help you if you're beaten and locked in a cellar.”

“Come on, that doesn't happen anymore.”

A needle-sharp, blue-eyed glare met yours.

“Does it? Did it happen to you?”

Tick. Tick. Tick.

“Time” he declared, ending the conversation, to his great relief and your frustration.

You gave a cocky little twitch of your head, meeting his appraisal with a smirk. You gestured to the lock.

“There. Open in five. Acceptable?”

He sat down next to you and brought it closer to his face.

“You've stripped it completely though. You might as well have used a bolt cutter.”

“So?”

“So, it's best not to leave evidence.”

“No one would notice that!,” you argued indignantly.

“I did.”

“You're....you're...an evolutionary anomaly.”

He chuckled, really chuckled this time, and it startled you. “What? I beg your pardon?”

“You're...different, Jonathan. You're too...everything...”

Your mentor sat, scooting closer. You could smell his aftershave. You could see that his pullover was not, in fact, black, but a subtle navy blue...fine and soft. Fine and soft as that vulnerable skin peaking out at the collar, the milky, pale, dip between his throat and his chest.

God, you wanted to touch him, wanted to run you tongue along that valley and devour him, feel his deep groans through the skin and sinew of his long neck as you'd kiss it...suck on it.

Your throat went dry and you cleared it to speak quietly, more uncertain than he'd ever heard you.

“You...you're perfect. You can't understand what it's like to struggle like this.”

“I assure you, I am very far from perfect...If you only knew.” He shook his head sadly, recalling some scar of a memory you couldn't discern.

You turned to face him, mere inches from each other.

“If I only knew what, Professor Pine?”

His Adam's apple bobbed with a swallow and he forced his breathing to slow. “That I am very...very...far from perfect. I'm only human. I make mistakes.”

Those lovely ocean eyes flicked from your eyes to your lips.

“And I think I may be about to make another one.”

@smolvenger and @muddyorbs and @gruftiela this is for you! I don't know who else might give a fuck, but feel free to share if you like it! Thank you for reading! Part 2 (the last one) coming soon. I promise not to leave you hanging too long.

#lovely fanfic friends #jonathan pine #jonathan pine x reader #The night manager fanfic #lovely requests

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wosowrites · 2 years ago

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Always Here (Vivianne Miedema x Reader)

Warnings: None

A/N: Sorry this took so long for such a bad and short fic. Based off this request:

Prompt: Reader doesn’t know much about soccer but still always supports her girlfriend, Vivianne.

You had never known much about football even though you had been watching your girlfriend, Vivianne Miedema play since you were both 17. While Vivianne was a professional football player, you played D1 university hockey. You had just finished university, graduating with a degree in psychology and a masters. The next steps of your life seemed blurry, so you had moved to London, finally putting a stop to the multiple years of long distance with Viv. Today, you were sitting in the stands of an Arsenal versus Aston Villa game. You were sat by yourself, repping your girlfriends name on your back. The score was 3-0 in favour of arsenal in the 70th minute. That’s when you saw someone run onto the field, someone that wasn’t a player.

You watched in confusion as a teenage boy ran on the field, his phone in the air, filming. "What’s going on? Is this normal?" You asked a man on your right. "No. It’s a pitch invader. So rude." The man said with a thick british accent. He was wearing a Williamson jersey. "This doesn’t happen in hockey." You told him. He turned his head slowly too look at you weirdly. "Okay…not into hockey. My bad." You said, looking at the pitch. Your eyes locked on your girlfriend who was standing with her hands on her hips, looking murderous. The boy stared walking up to Leah, and he obviously said something because Viv came flying out of nowhere and body checked the boy to the ground. The whole crowd started clapping as your mouth dropped open. "That’s my girlfriend." You told the man again. "Sure." He said, obviously not believing you.

Eventually, security got the boy off the field and the game continued, although Viv was now on a yellow for her tackle against the boy.

Once the game ended, Viv was quick to make her way towards you. People knew you were dating, you just never talked about it specifically. You would both talk about your relationship in interviews without specifically mentioning any names. You leaned over the railing and kissed her cheek, holding her head to your chest due to the height you had over her because you were in the stands. "Come down." She said. "I wanna hug you properly." Viv added. "You sure it’s okay?" You said. "It’s more than okay. You’re with me." She said. Before climbing down onto the field, you looked back at the man who was staring at you both in shock. "I told you." You said to him.

You climbed down and Viv smirked at you. "What was that about?" She asked you. "I was confused about the… what’s it called… field invader?"

"Pitch invader." Viv corrected.

"Yes. Anyways i asked him what was going on and he told me and i told him that that never happens and hockey and I think he was judging me. After that when you bodied that guy-it was really hot by the way- i told him you were my girlfriend and he looked at me like 'okay crazy'." You told Viv. That was the thing about you, you were extremely quiet but when you started to know someone, you could not be shut up. And that was fine with Viv, she loved hearing you talk, and loved knowing how your brain worked.

"Well that’ll show him." She said, bringing you to a group of the Arsenal girls. You knew them well despite only moving to London a few months ago. You hugged a few of the girls and answered their questions about school and hockey, and eventually you and Viv drove home under the night sky.

#woso fic #woso imagine #woso x reader #woso #arsenal fcw #vivianne miedema #woso community

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horns-the-demon · 6 months ago

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Free Use AU - Michael's Weakness

(Just a cleaned-up version of a message I sent Koi a while back, I wanted to be able to update the fic in time for my birthday but I have officially completed another trip around the sun and am still not done the new chapter, so enjoy this in the meantime!!) NSFW Warning :D

Okay so Seb is Coach Michael's only weakness and eventually everyone is figuring that fact out Imao

First it's the players: they realize that Michael is like 30% less likely to get pissed off at them if Seb is in the vicinity versus if he isn't. 50% if Seb is seated on his lap. 75% if Seb asleep in his lap, although that one is kind of inconclusive because they don't know if he doesn't want to yell at them, or he's just avoiding it because he doesn't want to wake Seb up while the sleepy omega is using him as a pillow.

They also start asking Seb if they want Michael to let them out of trouble or if they have a ridiculous request there's a high probability he'll say no to. They'll ask Seb because they know that Michael always listens to him, and because he has a way harder time saying no to him. Partly because he's, well, Seb, and partially because he always follows up 'his' ridiculous requests with incredibly enthusiastic blowjobs as "incentive".

(If Seb could get his head out his ass for five seconds, he would realize that he doesn't need an excuse to get Michael's cock in him. Alas, while he may be a genius is many other ways, he's stupid as hell in this one.)

The rest of the team's support staff start to get in on it too: whenever they need to run documents to Michael or something (a head coach's work is never done) they give it to Seb which is just super considerate, because honestly there's no better way to get through a mountain of documents than with your cock being warmed by a sweet little omega's pussy.

Seb, for his part, realizes what they're doing but doesn't mind it at all: any excuse to spend more time around Michael is a good one to him. Besides, it's kinda fun being the infamous Coach Schumacher's one and only soft spot. The only time he does mind is when other teams try to exploit it, getting too close to him and acting inappropriately to leave Michael's temper decidedly frayed. Seb is very determined to be a good boy, though, and also very determined to only get "exploited" by people he actually likes. Whenever other teams are around he sticks as close to Michael as possible, because no one would ever be stupid enough to try touching him when Michael Schumacher is next to him. Michael also seems to be of a similar mindset, because around other teams he always lets Seb wear his jacket, practically bathing him in Michael's scent, and he's even more tactile with Seb than usual, always keeping a strong arm around his waist or a big hand resting at the small of Seb's back to guide him around, leaving the poor omega weak in the knees and with a stomach full of butterflies.

(And look, Seb knows, okay? Michael is a man who'd gone from being the best football players of all time to one of the best coaches without missing a step. He's powerful, successful, well-established, and hot as hell. There's no way he'd ever want to bond with an omega as young as Seb, and especially not one who was stupid enough to sign themselves up to be a free use omega. He gets it but he can still daydream, no matter how painful it is to be brought back to reality.)

(Once again: Seb is a dumbass. And Michael, in this respect, is pretty dumb too.)

Seb decides to exploit himself for once, going into the last game before school lets out for winter break. Exams are all finished, and usually the school has a fun little tradition where the students dress up in costumes for the game. Seb decides he's going to get in on the action too! Of course, he's going to be on field with the team, with Michael's arm around him as usual. Obviously he can't dress up as just anything, he needs to show appropriate school spirit.

The school's mascot is a wolf, so that's what Seb dresses up as. He wears his normal game day attire for a start, but plays it a little bit risque- sure, he wears a skirt as per usual, but he picks his shortest one, and he wears one of the teams jerseys, but he wears his tightest one, already knowing that with the cold air his nipples are going to pebble up and leave nice little indents in the fabric. Then he draws some whiskers on his face, puts on a pointy animal-eared headband, and is almost done. He just needs to grab a nice, thick, obviously wolfy tail, otherwise everyone will think he's a cat.

If anyone had any questions about where the tail was attached, Seb answered them with how loudly he moaned when Michael sat him down on his knee like usual.

To be fair, nothing else is usual that game: Michael's temper is a lot quicker than usual, and he's a lot more tactile with Seb, too. He also doesn't stick to edging Seb like usual, instead using his fingers and the wolf tail plug Seb is wearing to wring orgasm after orgasm out of him until he's a shaky, overstimulated mess. Seb eventually figures out why, once the game is winding down and he's starting to get dozy, especially with his head tucked into Michael's neck as it is.

The man smells funny- almost like he's going into rut! Oh. Whoops.

Parading himself around like a little whore probably wasn't the best move, especially with Michael in pre-rut, but given that it ends with Michael taking him home and fucking him through his whole rut, Seb really can't argue with the results.

Next year when the game rolls around, it's Michael who dresses up as the wolf, meanwhile Seb puts on a cute little pair of bunny ears. He's got a tail this year, too, but it stays hidden under his skirt. Seb's already decided: that one is for Michael's eyes only.

#free use seb au #sebschumi #shoe maker man #wife tag #come get y'all juice #(kinda)#i yapped!!#my writing #sv5 #ms7

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karahofthedawn · 2 years ago

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Thinking about Fred and George’s reaction to overhearing someone from Hufflepuff quidditch team talking about Y/N and just the boys jealous reactions they would have hearing someone talk about their girl like that……and then that causing them to play extra hard and rough during the game and when they get off the pitch the poor reader is confused and innocent, but they just want to make sure she knows that she is theirs and only for them and img I can’t pls feel free to use this idea I need it

Here you go! ☺️

A cool February breeze brushes your shoulders as you climb the stands that surround the quidditch field. It was the first time since last year that you’ve been to a game. The Triwizard Tournament did take over all of the school events, but that didn’t stop the house teams from wanting to play against each other. After a discussion with Dumbledore, he gave the OK for there to be unofficial matches that anyone could attend.

You wrap your wooly black and gold scarf around your neck tightly and lean over the edge to try and catch a glimpse of the teams. It was Hufflepuff versus Gryffindor, which means you finally get to witness the Weasley brothers back in action. Slowly the crowd trickles in around you, murmurs of conversations that are immediately pushed to the back of your mind as you scan the field.

Your heart leaps to your throat as the pair of fiery haired twins come into sight. They were chatting with the other Gryffindor players with big smiles across their faces. The Hufflepuffs follow behind Cedric, who you are surprised to see. You had expected him to opt out, considering all that the Tournament put him through thus far. Yet he looks in high spirits, as always, with his head held high and strutting forward.

They pause at the edge of the field, their brooms in hand and standing proud.

—-------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure he won’t show?” Angelina Johnson asks Fred for the third time today.

“I’m sure,” he responds hastily.

They can hear the low murmur of the crowd from above as they reach the edge of the field. Clear skies with a slight breeze - a perfect day for quidditch, even if Harry didn’t want to join.

After the brothers hounded him for hours over the past week, they finally gave in once Hermoine lectured them. They knew he had his hands full with the tournament, but so did Cedric Diggory and he decided to play. He was their best chance at getting the snitch, and having Katie Bell replace him was not exactly increasing that percentage.

Angelina sighs and rubs her creased forehead. “I just thought he’d have a change of heart.”

“We tried to wear him down,” Fred says with a shrug. “Asked him about a million times.”

“Maybe even a million and one times,” George adds, then nudges his brother’s shoulder with his.

Once making eye contact, George gestures to the stands with a quick nod. Fred follows his gaze and catches a glimpse of you leaning over the stone barrier. A mixture of excitement and happiness swells in their chest as they both look at you. Your hair and scarf blowing in the wind, your arms tight against your torso. You never liked the cold, yet here you were, out to support them both. It meant more than they could ever say.

A few of the Hufflepuff players began snickering. Anthony Rickett and Michael McManus hold their brooms out, slowly rubbing the tips of them suggestively. “What I wouldn’t give to -,” the rest of the words were washed away as the crowd gave an encouraging cheer.

“Merlin’s beard, I’d give my last Galleon,” Michael laughs.

This was a background noise for the brothers, until the keyword of ‘Y/N’ is said. Both of their heads turn in automatic unison towards the conversation.

“As if you even have a Galleon,” Rickett retorts and shoots another hungry look your way. “I bet you Y/N would pay me after I’d have my way with her.”

Fred and George are both scowling, looking directly at the boys who continue laughing amongst themselves.

“She wouldn’t even look at you,” Michael taunts and swishes his hair from his forehead. “I bet you my last Knut that I could easily have her before you.”

Fred clenches his jaw, George mirrors him with closed fists. The rush of anger was beginning to rush through their veins the longer they eavesdropped. The excitement and happiness they felt just moments ago was melting away and being replaced by something else - something that made them want to run forward and smash Michael and Rickett’s head full force with their brooms.

“You really want to make that bet? I’ll try after the game,” Rickett says with a cocky smile.

Michael shakes his head. “You can try, but I’ll be sure to have her screaming my name behind the greenhouses before then.”

George’s breath catches in his throat as the imagery of you and Michael hits him. This boy’s greedy hands all over your delicate curves. Him tasting you. Him knowing how you sound when you’re trying to hold back moans. This was sacred. You were sacred to them, and he only ever wanted him and his brother to know these intimate things.

“You’re on,” Rickett snorts. “But who knows, if she’s as easy as I think, maybe she will take on both of us.” This time they both erupt with laughter, which almost sends Fred forward but George promptly stops him with a stiff arm.

Fred curses under his breath and digs his toe into the ground like an angry bull. Anger travels through his veins, his face a shade of red not too far from his hair. His pupils are tiny and fully focusing on the two who dare to speak about Y/N like that. He knew they couldn’t have you. That was never a question. But to stand there and make bets on who gets to capture you. Who gets to have you.

The twins look at each other, an understanding between them at once.

They’re going to pay.

—----------------------------------------------

The players are lining up now. You rub your hands together, breathing into them to try and bring back some warmth. Two of the boys from the Hufflepuff team kept periodically staring up your way. Surely there’s for someone in the crowd that they’re waiting for. It’s odd though, you could swear they’re looking directly at you.

Your mind drifts off as you focus back on the Weasley twins, both standing tall with an expression of determination across their faces. You take notice that they seem more serious than normal, but their competitive nature always brought out that side of them.

With a call from the announcer, both teams scatter off into the sky. The golden snitch is released and the game has begun. Rocking from the balls of your feet to the tips of your toes, you watch with a slack jaw as both brothers go rocketing across the field with their bats held with whitening knuckles.

Not too long after it starts, George hits a bludger off of a post and misses Michael McManus’s head by inches. Still trying to comprehend the close call, Michael was almost thrown off his broom by Fred who slams into the side of him.

“Watch it!” Michael yells shakily, then takes off to prevent Angelina from scoring.

The bludger finds Rickett this time as Fred hits it directly at him, making contact with his ribs. There is a loud thump and the announcer audibly groans with the crowd.

The ball wasn’t even on that side of the field, yet he was chasing down this now injured player who was desperately trying to flee.

George on the other hand was with Angelina, safely allowing her to score a point. The students around you burst out with a mixture of applause and booing. You clap and jump up and down with the fellow Gryffindors, leaving the Hufflepuffs eyeing you with judgment.

George zooms by so close that your hair blows like mad and curtains over your face. You quickly shake the knotting strands out of your sight just in time to see him practically kick Michael off his broom. Your attention is then immediately brought back to Fred, who was red faced and charging at a screaming Rickett. In the middle of the field was a dumbfounded Angelina, who was watching this unfold with wide eyes.

For the rest of the match, the players were just merely blurs. The Weasley twins are smacking bludgers left and right at the Hufflepuff players, leaving them very little time to plan. From the short period of times the messy haired gingers go stationary, you could see their eyes narrow and focused.

You hold your breath as Katie Bell dives and grabs the snitch in one quick swoop from right under the nose from Cedric. The Gryffindor student erupts into cheers. You join in, clapping and calling out to Fred and George who ceased chasing the Hufflepuff beaters.

They were getting closer. You assume they probably want to take in the applause, they earned it after all.

It isn’t until their brooms were only a few feet away, you realize that they were staring directly at you. Your chest blooms with excitement as they dismount their brooms and push past the crowd to meet you. With their arms outstretched, you run to them and fall into their warm arms.

“You were great!” You exclaim while smiling up at them.

Fred’s eyes dart to your lips and he dives in for a kiss. His soft hair brushes your face as he tilts you back, deepening his hungry kiss. The students around you holler and clap, making your cheeks turn scarlet red.

Once he pulls back, George takes you by the hips and replaces his brother’s mouth with his. You gasp from surprise, and he responds by rolling his tongue gently against yours. You fall into him completely, not caring what anyone else thinks.

Fred makes eye contact with Rickett and Michael and tilts his head with a devilish grin. Their jaws drop and they quickly fly off to the other side of the field.

You ask once George breaks the kiss, “what’s all this for?”

“Because we wanted to,” he says sweetly, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“And we wanted to thank our good luck charm,” Fred adds.

You rub your flushed cheek as you look between them. “Oh,” you say simply, falling short of any words that would cover how much you love hearing that.

“And,” Fred says, taking your hand in his shaking grasp. “Now everyone knows that you’re ours.”

Your mouth runs dry. Your heart pounding in your chest almost deafens the loud chattering around you. “Yours?”

“If you’ll have us, that is,” George says with a snicker. You take him by the collar of his shirt and stand on your tippy toes to kiss him. His lips are inviting and intoxicating, forget that there’s an audience until he stops you. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

You roll your eyes and look between the two of them. “It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“Perfect,” Fred beams, giving you one last kiss before walking to his broomstick with George following behind. “We will catch up to you soon.”

“There’s something to attend to, and I believe it will leave us with a few extra Sickles.” George explains with a wink.

They take off in the same direction as Rickett and Michael, leaving you confused but with your heart filled to the brim with happiness.

#fred and george weasley #george weasley #fred weasley #george weasley x hufflepuff!reader #harry potter fanfiction

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gumnut-logic · 6 months ago

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This is a very old WIP that I thought I would post for @idontknowreallywhy as she likes to drop things on Scotty.

I blew him up and Virgil was not impressed.

Warning for very much not finished WIP from 2020 that probably has been read by some of you before, possibly several times. Also, everyone gets whumped.

-o-o-o-

Scott Tracy had an amazing smile. His dimples were legendary and those blue eyes of his certainly added their own sparkle to the equation.

And the commander of International Rescue, President of Tracy Industries and all out billionaire was very much aware of the power he wielded with that simple facial gesture.

He was a ladykiller.

Well, perhaps not quite a ‘killer’. More a ‘I’ll do whatever you want if you will just keep smiling at me’ lethal mouth muscle wielder. Or so Gordon claimed.

Gordon’s descriptive skills weren’t one of his strengths.

It was also an excellent tool out in the field. Male or female, when that smile was directed at a person in charge, they either melted and did whatever Scott wanted them to do.

Or the opposite.

The ratio of the non-receptive vs receptive to that smile was definitely a low number versus a much higher one, but unfortunately, today they had encountered one such person.

And they were being a real pain in the ass.

Virgil would have been on Two, but no negotiation on Scott’s part was convincing the mine manager that International Rescue knew what it was doing.

They were down to technical facts and time was growing shorter by the moment.

Two was hovering above with Gordon on board while Virgil rappelled down to discuss engineering concepts with this idiot and convince him that the great Thunderbird was not going to make the situation worse.

Scott was steaming.

Virgil appeared to be nearing boiling point himself and that was quite a feat on the manager’s part. Virgil had battled Fischler without a blink, for crying out loud.

The conversation had slipped into engineeringese quite early on and most of the concepts were beyond Scott, leaving him edgy and worried about the miners trapped below.

Thunderbird One was parked not far away and his eyes wandered in that direction before skipping back to the mine entrance.

Just in time to see someone slip under the warning tape and start climbing over the collapsed debris.

Scott was moving without thought. “Hey! Get out of there! It’s not safe!”

The suspect turned, saw him and disappeared inside the cliff face.

What the hell?

Scott made it to the tape before the manager started yelling.

The commander ignored him and poked his comms. “Thunderbird Five, can you give me an updated scan of the mine. An idiot just entered-“

A flash, and the rock face exploded.

The blast hit Scott face on. He didn’t even have a chance to scream.

-o-o-o-

Virgil did.

The shockwave knocked him of his feet, the mine manager landing on top of him, but they were far enough away to only be pelted by the edges of the explosion.

Something solid hit Virgil’s left arm, numbing it from the elbow down. Beside him the manager screamed as a large chunk of rock landed on his foot.

Far above, Thunderbird Two deviated from her hover, banking off to the north only to circle back and begin her landing sequence nearby.

He felt her in his bones and it was only then he realised his eyes had fallen shut.

He forced them open.

Scott.

Scott had been closer.

Virgil struggled to his feet. The manager was writhing next to him, a rock pinning his ankle. A rock that would need his exosuit to move it.

Scott first.

Scott had been closer.

“Virgil, status!”

Virgil was running. He thumbed his comms as his legs closed the distance to where his brother had been. “John, I need Scott’s location.”

“Five metres to your left.”

There was rock everywhere, dust and haze obscuring everything. “Scott?”

A stumble and a flash of blue.

A gloved hand lay limp. Virgil skidded in beside it.

Scott hadn’t been wearing his helmet. After all, he was only negotiating Virgil’s entrance into the mine.

Dirt and blood on pale skin.

Medical assessment. “John, Scott’s unconscious.” His own gloved fingers touching dusty dark hair, gently searching for the source of the blood and the damage level. “Head injury.” His fingers encountered a dip in his brother’s skull that should not be there. “Possibly serious.”

His brother was breathing, his pulse strong, and Virgil thanked whoever or whatever protected their family for that mercy.

Gordon joined him, first aid kit in hand, while Virgil was inspecting the rest of his brother’s body for injury.

“What the hell happened?”

Virgil peeled back a gash in Scott’s uniform at his thigh to reveal another injury.

“I don’t know. Scan him while I get the exosuit.”

Gordon frowned at him. “What about you?” Carnelian eyes looked him up and down only to settle on his limp left arm. “How-“

“Worry about Scott. I have another victim to attend to.” He brushed his fingers across Scott’s baldric and stood up.

“Virgil-“

“The man’s pinned, Gordon. Time is of the essence. Look after Scott.”

He didn’t miss Gordon’s glare, but he did ignore it and with an indrawn breath, broke into a run towards Thunderbird Two.

-o-o-o-

He ended up taping his left arm into his exosuit. It was slapdash and done in a hurry using some of the electronic insulation tape he kept for emergency repairs. He could lift his arm, but his fingers had no strength or coordination. It was only for a matter of minutes. He had to lift the rock off the injured man. That was all.

His arm didn’t like the added weight in the slightest.

He’d live.

He ran from the module back to the pile of rubble dragging a couple of hover stretchers behind him. He tossed one in Gordon’s direction

By the time he reached the mine manager, Virgil’s numb arm was no longer numb. In fact, it was hurting like hell with every movement.

Lift the rock and he could shed the suit.

��What the hell have you been doing?!”

“Hold still, Mr Ginley.” Fortunately, it was his right hand that controlled the largest claw, but unfortunately, he had to use his left to steady the load as he lifted.

Ginley’s cry of pain as the rock was shifted hid Virgil’s own.

Sweat broke out on his forehead as the engineer let the rock fall harmlessly to one side. He found himself panting.

“It’s bleeding! It’s bleeding!” Ginley was pointing at his foot where the rock had gashed the bare skin of his shin. The man was wearing steel toed boots and the rock had apparently only pinned him rather than doing any extensive damage beyond grazing him.

“Thunderbird Two?”

“Yes, John.” Virgil stumbled back towards the stretcher and grabbed the medkit.

“I’m still reading one life sign within the mine.”

Virgil blinked. One.

There had been five. Plus the person Scott had tried to stop from entering

All that time talking.

But then he and his brothers had been underground during that explosion…

“How far down? Mole or exosuit?”

...

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #scott tracy #virgil tracy #nuttyfic reblog

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mel-1n-hell · 2 years ago

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Safe Foods + Diet Foods Masterpost

(I live in the Midwest)

This is a list of a bunch of my personal favorite foods and ingredients to utilize when I’m heavily restricting. I usually love making the highest volume possible out of the lowest cals, but I also sometimes eat smaller amounts of higher calorie/denser foods if I’m, say, wearing something tight or whatever and don’t want to be water bloated. I believe in the importance of being at least mildly sated, and also in the importance of multivitamins+supplements! If you’re restricting, there is a 100% guarantee you are not getting enough vitamins to maintain external functions you really don’t want to start failing on you. I lost a lot of hair when I dropped a fuck ton of weight for the first time because I was 14 at my worst and didn’t understand anything/didn’t care at all about body chemistry, but after I was forced to recover, after my hair began growing back and thickening up, it became very important to me—as did many other aspects of my body that are influenced+enhanced by the ingestion of vitamin supplement (also hair oils like rosemary and castor and almond, leave-in conditioners, good conditioner in general // all of these things will support hair health and maintenance, specifically!) So take your vitamins! Especially capsules, because gummy vitamins are easier for your body to flush out. Plus, a lot of them are just placebos dyed a fun color and rolled in sugar. (The “Now” brand offers very high quality supplements and multivitamins in capsules/pill form)

Also, now that I’m an adult and can buy my own groceries, I have much more access to helpful tools that I wouldn’t have been able to access at 14 or wouldn’t have known enough about to even bother figuring out more. I’m much more educated now and feel almost as if restricting is too easy, too fun. Will it become a problem? Maybe. But until then, and as long as I know we’re all bent on our own destruction anyway, I’ll share what I know, because I wish I would have known about some of these things the first time I decided to dive headlong into the pits of despair (‘:

I can share my favorite combos/meals in another post if anyone would like to see it! First, though, a few general rules I follow, as a sort of context to the masterpost:

1. Caloric intake matters first and foremost. It’s just the simplest way for me to track what I’m eating. (Now don’t do this, but) You could be eating the shittiest, sugariest, most processed diet on the planet but if you’re in a caloric deficit, you’re still going to lose weight.

2. All vegetables are safe. A vegetable is not out here making anyone fat or unhealthy. Certain vegetables, like potatoes, are denser in calories, so it’s just a matter of learning how to use them, but if that scares or triggers you, stay away! For me, I always try to maintain that plants are nothing to be afraid of. I’m neurotic enough without being afraid of the food that literally comes from the earth.

3. All fruits are safe. Moderation is more important to keep in mind when it comes to fruits versus vegetables, because fruit contains more sugar, which means more calories overall. But fruits are my favorite additions to breakfasts, or as sides/snacks later on in the day. It’s a little extra something to crunch/chew on, and all fruit is just so yummy.

4. There’s nothing wrong with a chocolate fix!!! Dark chocolate (the higher the percentage, the better!) has numerous health benefits because it contains a plethora of antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals. It can be high calorie, so enjoy it in moderation, but there is absolutely nothing I love more than taking my time on a lux little square of dark chocolate while I’m reading a book.

5. No eating after 10pm. (I know most people choose an earlier time, but I’m a college student in a stem field who walks from her apartment to campus, so I get home later than traditional dinner time most nights.)

6. No eating before 7am. (8am is preferable.)

7. Eliminate as many sugary, processed carbs as possible. They aren’t really satisfying your body, and consuming these kinds of foods while restricting often leads to uncontrollable bingeing.

8. Eliminate fried foods (unless you figure out an air frier for a cheat night or something).

9. If you’re going to focus on any macros/micros, focus on protein and fiber! Protein is greater sustenance; fiber makes you shit.

10. If you binge, you binge. It happens. It comes with the territory of ED’s. Your body is literally pre-programmed to react this way to starvation because it’s a self-defense mechanism, and for many people, it’s an emotional defense mechanism. Just make your best mental and physical effort to minimize damage. Screwing yourself into the ceiling and just eating more will make you feel cosmically worse. Try to catch yourself before saying “fuck it” and continuing to binge harder, because even you know you don’t really mean that, and you know you’ll hate yourself to the moon for it later. Take a deep breath, name a few of the five senses to ground yourself or whatever, and then walk away. Listen to some music. Chew some gum or start sipping on lemon water. And remember: one pound is 3,500 calories. You would have had to eat that much on top of your basal metabolic rate (how many calories your body burns just existing) to gain just one pound. Water retention can be flushed. Fat cannot be.

11. Drink at least two quarts of water a day.

12. Take your fucking vitamins. xoxo

Okay! Now that I’ve rambled enough, here’s the masterpost (:

🥗 vegetables 🥗

1 cup broccoli, chopped (31 cals)

9-10 baby carrots (30 cals)

2 stalks celery (15 cals)

5 garlic cloves (20 cals) / (great roasted in the oven or as a flavor edition! stuff also makes you shit like crazy depending on how much you eat)

1 cup kale (16 cals)

1 cup spinach (7 cals)

1 cup baby spring mix (7 cals)

1 cup cauliflower, chopped (27 cals)

1 medium/small white or red onion (41 cals)

5 mini yellow/Dino egg potatoes (110 cals)

1 medium/small sweet potato (110 cals)

5 asparagus spears (15 cals)

5 medium white or baby bella mushrooms (20 cals)

1/2 cup sliced water chestnuts (45 cals)

🍑 fruits 🍑

6 mini sweet peppers (60 cals)

1 medium green bell pepper (24 cals)

1 medium red/orange/yellow bell pepper (37 cals)

1/4 avocado (75 cals)

1 medium tomato (22 cals)

1 medium banana (100 cals)

1 medium apple (100 cals)

1 medium grapefruit (104 cals)

1 large orange (87 cals)

1 clementine orange (35 cals)

5 medium strawberries (25 cals)

1 cup blueberries, frozen or fresh (80 cals)

10 raspberries (10 cals)

10 grapes (20-30 cals, depending on size + size variation; one small/medium grape is usually around 2 calories)

1 kiwi (40 cals)

1 cup red cherries, frozen or fresh (80 cals)

1 small champagne mango (80 cals)

1 cup honeydew melon, diced (61 cals)

1 cup watermelon, diced (46 cals)

1 cup pineapple, diced (82 cals)

1 medium cantaloupe (186 cals)

2 medium medjool dates, pitted (110 cals)

🍞 grains 🍞

1/3 cup flour, wheat or white (152 cals // for use in mug cakes, personal pancakes, personal cookies, etc.)

2 slices Healthy Life wheat, honey wheat, or white bread (70 cals)

1 Country Hearth light bun (80 cals)

1 mini bagel (100-125 cals, depending on flavor+brand)

1 bagel thin (110 cals)

1/3 cup rolled or quick oats, dry (100 cals)

1 cup plain Cheerios (100 cals // 140 cals for honey nut)

1/2 cup rice, brown or white (108 cals, brown; 102 cals, white)

1 “Ole” X-Treme Wellness wrap, tomato basil, spinach, or traditional (50 cals)

🍗 meats 🍗

3 oz (about the size of your palm) boneless, skinless chicken breast, cooked (120 cals)

5 medium chicken fajita strips, frozen (110 cals)

2.5 Simple Truth Organic homestyle chicken tenders (170 cals)

1/2 can Good & Gather chunk chicken, canned in water (50 cals)

1 can Chunk Lite Tuna (90 cals)

11 medium Member’s Mark cooked shrimp (60 cals)

1 tilapia fillet (112 cals)

4-6 pieces thin-sliced deli ham or roast beef (60-70 cals, depending on brand)

4-6 pieces thin-sliced deli chicken or turkey (50-60 cals, depending on brand)

🧀 dairy / imitation dairy and animal products 🧀

1 medium egg (66 cals // 78 cals for large)

1 tbsp I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, light buttery spread (35 cals)

1 tbsp Blue Bonnet, light buttery spread (40 cals)

1 tbsp Blue Bonnet, buttery stick (60 cals)

1 slice Kroger fat-free American cheese slices (30 cals)

1 stick Sargento Light mozzarella string cheese (45 cals)

1/4 cup shredded fat-free mozzarella cheese (45 cals)

1 slice Sargento Ultra Thin cheese, Swiss, provolone, pepper-Jack, sharp cheddar, or Colby-Jack (40-45 cals)

1 cup unsweetened almond milk, vanilla or original (30 cals)

1 cup Silk unsweetened cashew milk, vanilla or original (25 cals)

1 cup Silk unsweetened coconut milk (40 cals)

1 cup Almond Breeze unsweetened chocolate almond milk (40 cals)

2 tbsp sugar-free International Delight or Kroger coffee creamer (30-40 cals, depending on flavor and flavor’s brand)

1 Kroger Carbmaster Yogurt, any flavor (60-80 cals, depending)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Mint Cookies n’ Cream (180 cals)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Cookie Dough or Mocha Coldbrew Coffee (185 cals)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Chocolate Peanut Butter or Mini Donut (190 cals)

1/2 pint Favorite Day low calorie protein ice cream, Caramel Maple Bourbon Pecan Pie (205 cals)

additional: any protein ice cream brand is a great dessert choice and so unironically delicious! I just listed Target’s because it’s cheapest, cost-wise, but Halo Top, Frozen Farmer, Enlightened, etc. -- they all market low calorie ice creams for anywhere between 270-470 cals per pint, depending on which flavor and brand.

🍚💰 god-send diet foods 💰🍚

1 bag shirataki noodles (20 cals)

1 cup shirataki konjac rice (30 cals)

1 pint Frozen Farmer sorbet, peach, strawberry, honeydew, watermelon, or mango (70 cals)

1 pint Frozen Farmer sorbet, strawberry lemonade (80 cals)

1 pint Frozen Farmer sorbet, raspberry (90 cals)

Walden Farms syrups, chocolate, caramel, pancake, maple walnut, strawberry, blueberry, etc . (0 cals)

Walden Farms dressings and sauces, Ranch, Buffalo Ranch, Caesar, Thousand Island, Chipotle Ranch, Bacon Ranch, Creamy Bacon, Italian, French, Honey Dijon, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Spicy Buffalo Vinaigrette, Super Fruits Balsamic Vinaigrette, Raspberry Vinaigrette, etc. etc. etc. (0 cals; there are literally endless flavors and all of them are zero calories. No joke. Look it up, order some on Amazon, Kroger and Walmart carry the most popular flavors)

Walden Farms coffee creamers, vanilla, mocha, peppermint, caramel, hazelnut, etc. etc. (0 cals; these might need to be ordered on their website or on Amazon)

Diet Soda, any flavor or brand (0 cals, obv)

2 tbsp Great Value peanut butter powder (50 cals // PB Fit = 60 cals per 2 tbsp)

Stevia or erythritol sweeteners (0 cals)

PICKLES!!!!!!!! (0 cals)

🥨 munchies 🥨

1 cup SmartFood white cheddar popcorn (70 cals // moderation)

1 cup Skinny Pop popcorn (39 cals // moderation)

18 mini twists, Rold Gold fat-free pretzels (110 cals // moderation)

23 twists, Clancy’s Everything-Pretzel Slims (110 cals // moderation)

3 Twizzlers (100 cals // moderation)

2 Zachary’s Thin Mints, mini dark chocolate peppermint patties (65 cals // moderation)

1 Brach’s Candy Cane (50 cals)

2 Hot Cocoa Kisses (36 cals)

2 Cherry Cordial Kisses (40 cals)

1 square 85% Lindt dark chocolate (58 cals // moderation)

1 X-Treme Wellness wrap, cut into 8 slices and salted+baked into tortilla chips, with 1/4 cup salsa (75 cals) or 2 tbsp Good & Gather queso blanco dip / Tostitos salsa con queso dip (90 cals // moderation)

1 slice Healthy Life bread, toasted and with 2 tsp I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! buttery spread, garlic+onion powder, and some salt (60 cals) OR toasted and with 1 slice Kroger fat-free American cheese, melted (65 cals)

1/2 medium banana or apple with 1 tbsp PB Fit powder + 2 tbsp Walden Farm’s pancake syrup for PB drizzle (80 cals // other sugar-free syrups add 5-15 cals, ex. Maple Grove [5], Log Cabin [10], Kroger brand [15], etc.)

2 slices deli rotisserie chicken / turkey, thin-sliced, spread w 1 tbsp Kroger fat-free cream cheese, rolled around 1 baby dill pickle (40 cals // without cream cheese, 25 cals // don’t knock it till u try it😒😒unless u just don’t like pickles lol)

10 strawberries and Walden Farm’s chocolate syrup (50 cals)

1 sugar-free Jell-O cup (10 cals)

1 sugar-free pudding cup (60 cals)

🧂🥫 other sauces / dips / condiments / ingredients 🥫🧂

Mustard, yellow, Dijon, or spicy brown (5-10 cals per tsp, depending on brand)

Miracle Whip Lite (20 cals per tbsp)

Stubb’s Sugar-Free Smokehouse BBQ sauce (10 cals per 2 tbsp)

Prego Marinara No Sugar Added (60 cals per 1/2 cup)

Chi-Chi’s Salsa (40 cals per 1/2 cup)

Tostitos Salsa Con Queso dip (40 cals per 2 tbsp)

Good & Gather Queso Blanco dip (40 cals per 2 tbsp)

Any sugar-free or fat-free dressing!! Just check labels.

Maple Grove sugar-free maple syrup (5 cals per 2 tbsp)

Cocoa powder (10-20 cals per tbsp, depending on brand and purity of cocoa)

Dark spices are said to speed up the metabolism, and they also allow your brain and stomach to feel more sated after eating, so use lots of seasonings! Plus, flavor :P (chili powder, paprika, cayenne, red pepper flakes, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, etc.)

I hope you all found this post to be useful in some way, or maybe inspiring or motivating! If anyone has anything they’d like to add, don’t hesitate to reblog with your own list of favs. I plan on adding to this if I find anything new or remember something I might’ve glossed over when writing it.

That’s all for now. Stay hydrated and take your vitamins angels❣️

#th1nsp11 #th1nsp1r4t10n #th1n$po #th17 #th1gh gap #th11n$p0 #anorekcya #sk1nny aesthetic #anorex14 #anor3×14 #bul1m14 #ed relapse #ed tag #ed but not sheeran #sk1nny legs #sk11ny #d1et #diettips

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joyouslee · 28 days ago

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Fangs of Fortune episodes 1-3

Random thoughts as I was watching.

Spoilers under cut.

ok wow, what an entrance. This is the first time I've seen Hou Minghao have so much physical presence. Usually his characters don't have much intimidation factor even if they're powerful - like I love Wang Ye but he looks tiny next to Zhuge Qing even as he's dominating the field, and Baili Dongjun looks like a 公子哥儿 (rich kid). And Wu Xie is, well, Wu Xie. Here, though, he is believable as a 1000-year old demon who can crook his fingers and kill everyone around him.

I think the costuming is a big factor - he's usually in the belted young master outfits that emphasize his slim waist, whereas here he wears cloaks and layers that conceal his figure. (The big furs remind me of a cat puffing up to look bigger :D) But also that slow deliberate stride. A different kind of murder strut, but very very effective.

The umbrella! Special shout-out to that fantastic prop. I adore the little red beads. Also, sheathing his sword in the umbrella??? Um....

omg the tension between them is delicious - are you satisfied with your gift (me)? now are you satisfied? (holding up his chained wrists). *fans self* I am looking not at all respectfully.

I'm glad to see Chen Duling with a little more sass - so far I've seen her as the sad ex (MLC), the sad wife/mother (MJTY), and as the sad orphan (ALHJ - though I only watched to ep 8 so far). I was enjoying her banter and shipping her and the lying demon :( Except what the heck was she doing putting two heaping spoonfuls of salt (sugar) in her noodles? Wasting food!

She still got nerfed, though. *sigh*

Her meeting with Zhu Yan is hilarious - he is so impressive as he just sets himself free, demonstrating his immense power, taunting Zhuo Yichen - looking him in the eye as he saunters around the dungeon and locks him in - that magnificent walk down the halls as he shows he can control all the jailers. Then he's like a kicked puppy with Wen Xiao when she drugs him and threatens to keep doing it.

It's so interesting the way he interacts with her versus Zhuo Yichen - he often 賣慘 with her - acting pitiable so he seems less powerful, like pretending to stay drugged (when he's able to just pop up) or pretending to be passed out on the floor when she comes to bring the token him. Versus with Zhuo Yichen he's usually showing off how powerful he is and how much knowledge he has. (There's so much flirting with both of them, though!)

Such a death wish though :((((((((

Clearly Zhuo Yichen is going to regret that vow in the future.

Another gorgeous entrance - blowing up the water jugs and then pacing through, and I adore the bit where he points at the damage and is like, isn't it obvious?

Oh the poor naive fools - the minute I heard the bad guy say just put your thumbprint at the end I knew what was going to happen. But it really irritated me - who stamps (signs) any document at the end, leaving a huge expanse of blank space? And they knew it's their enemy putting it in front of them: at this point they should be at the highest wariness. (I realize it's duplicate originals, so they could argue against any tampering, but at the same time, why take the risk, especially if the emperor seems to favor their enemy?) I hate plot points that rely on our heroes being making an obvious mistake. I mean, they are already using a magical plot. Why not just make it some other type of magic to change the words entirely?

Ah, is this another contract that the signers will regret?? Wow he's such a flirt. Leaning in like that to take her pen??? She has immense self control!

Oh my, this show really has a thing about gorgeous men in chains, hm? The jealous ex appears! Very much getting that vibe of crazy ex boyfriend here.

Yowza when Zhu Yan said kneel.... wow. Hot.

Awww and he got the fish demon medicine? He's such a secret softie.

Oh ho, here we go with the jealous ex Li Lun.

Geez, did he get even hotter with the demon marks????

Ok, when I first saw the trailer I was not vibing with his style - I saw the director got some criticism for making the actors ugly. But I think it really works - Zhu Yan is very alien, very powerful, and very very very very hot.

#fangs of fortune #fangs of fortune spoilers #my meta #my rants #zhu yan #zhao yuanzhou #zhuo yichen #大梦归离 #li lun #yan xiao

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abronzeagegod · 1 year ago

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