#versions of myself anymore
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the price of your mercy
#hi rmbr that wip from seven months ago . well here it is as done as it's gonna get bc i cant take it anymore 💯💯#where are my edward elric fans in the crowd part two#fmab fanart#fmab#fma#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist#edward elric#was gonna post this on oct 3 but didn't have enough timeeee srry guys :(#anime#fanart#the stream of consciousness in tags is so funny bc i'll be having a convo w myself#and then i'm like oh yeah i forgot that tag LMAOOZ#fma brotherhood#digital art#cw eyestrain#tw eyestrain#cw blood#do not ask me what the lighting is doing idk#i've been trying to finish this for seven hrs it's DONE okay#anyway red bg my fav#always does me right#hopefully u guys also like this arc as much as me#i have other versions of this to post but i cant decide which is my fav
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i'm me again... feels like it's been years...
#my art#flashing gif#flash warning#tw flashing#gif#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#digital art#made with toonsquid#oc art#just wanted to make a short clip for this audio but then inspo from a certain movie took hold..#don't know who exactly i feel like anymore but im trying harder to love every version of myself
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i'm sure you've been asked this a million times already and I've probably just not looked hard enough but is there any reason why you stopped making warriors content? did you just grow out of it or are there any other reasons?
Yeah mainly it just doesn’t interest me anymore
#ask#anonymous#I kind of wanted some distance from the fandom too to be completely honest#I’m very very grateful for the positive feedback I’ve gotten from it#but feeling like I have a lot of eyes on me has always been really stressful for me#and the amount of attention I got from the fandom in a short period of time compounded with other stuff in my life at the time#did not make me the best version of myself#but also yeah I don’t really care enough to draw it anymore lol
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crea ture
#digital art#art#fanart#sneegsnag#the realm smp#the realm sneeg#trsmp#trsmp fanart#trsmp sneegsnag#traditional sketch#traditional drawing#traditional art#auugghhh tr!sneegsnag..#there was something i was going to say specifically but i just. Cannot remember anymore#erm#i drew this guy like 30 times today...#anyway#tr!sneegsnag is so silly. such a guy. the guy ever even perhaps. perchance.#I RMEMEBER NOW#need to draw sculked up version of him more but like. Effort. so much of it.#if any1 has drawings ideas related to sculk stuff or just generally tr!sneegsnag related please send it in asks i beg of thee i am desperat#so incredibly desperate#i've been handing little sketches of him to people as well recently#he;s just the moth guy#that's all they know him as#very silly and great if i do say so myself#alright that's enough shutting up time
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Tma au where Jon is alterhuman/otherkin and therefore feels euphoria when he starts to become as inhuman as he feels
#His dissent into monstrosity was actually what made me confirm to myself that I'm alterhuman#“I'm not sure I'm human anymore” WELL BUDDY WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!#This was so hard to word but its an idea I've had for a while#It'd actually be so interesting#The normal archives#Creatures Ted talks#The Magnus archives#Tma#jon sims tma#the archivist#bonus points if he's eldritchkin or something like that#I think this version of Jon listens to polygondwanaland (album) by king gizzard and the lizard wizard#the fuck else do I tag this#Never know what to tag fandom/media related posts#How many tags to get to the center of the fandom#alterhuman#Augh too many tags fuck#Iceberg looking ass pos ill shut up now#Alterhuman tma fans PLEASE INVADE MY ASKBOX I don't bite
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got this far lining before I decided to 'click' my pencil by whacking the back of it on my desk... my tablet pen...I slammed my tablet pen on my desk and fuckn broke it
#FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK#I think its fucked like the nib doesnt stay out anymore RRAGDGJFJKJFKFL#im so mad at myself the hell#why was that my instinct...to just whack the back of it on my desk to 'click it' my god#its like the evil version of trying to blow away 'eraser shavings' when I draw digital#at least the pen can be replaced...but now i have to wait for it wwwwagghhghhh
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old frubbo comic from waaaaaaaay back in October that i never got around to finishing. remembered it existed from tubbo and tallulah’s mod talking about fred on tubbo’s stream today so uh happy pride or something i guess! frubbo yaoi be upon ye
#qsmp#deterg-art#tubbo qsmp#qsmp fanart#fred qsmp#tubbo#frubbo#mcytshipping#qsmpshipping#<- forever unsure if anyone actually has that blocked considering qsmp has a lot of canon ships but just in case#maybe i’ll make a properly colored version of this one day but its been so long its hard to make myself care bout this piece or ship anymor
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Do you guys ever think that after Sal left Tommy would go to make a joke or tell him something or just look at him only to look over and see an empty chair. Do you ever think he started a sentence with “hey Sal-“ before realizing no one was going to answer him. Do you think Hen and Chimney looked at him with pity when he would sit alone at the kitchen island and eat by himself and try to ignore how much Tommy used to laugh at Sal’s dry sense of humor after a bad shift when Sal tried to cheer him up. Do you think Bobby saw how Tommy would look around for something before realizing with a pang of guilt he was looking for someone. Do you think Bobby slipped Tommy a flier for the LAFD Air Ops because he knew it would help Tommy and in a way knew his time at the 118 had ended long before they threw him a goodbye party. His time at the 118 had ended that day too just took longer for everyone to realize.
(More pain in the tags)
#To add insult to injury imagine one day tommy finds an old jacket that has Deluca embroidered on it#He holds it close to him before gently stuffing it into his locker realizing its one of the only things he has left of sal#And after a tough shift he would go to his locker and pull out the jacket and inhale the scent#because then at least he could pretend he wasnt alone anymore#At least for a second#hehe i love making myself sad#pushing the salommy agenda again#this time the sad version#tommy kinard#sal deluca#911 abc#sal deluca x tommy kinard#sal x tommy
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men love to try and tee me up for their next relationship while they’re still dating their current gf and i am never interested. NEVER.
#i don’t even fuck w men like that#mind you i’ve told this man that i am NOT INTERESTED in dating SEVERAL TIMES when he’s asked ab my romantic life#but he’s saying some suspicious ass stuff#like today he was like ‘yeah and it’s hard bc i’m starting have feelings for….this isn’t about anyone in particular….others outside#the relationship. and it’s making me feel guilty’#and i’m like hm. um. okay.#and he’s being weirdly cryptic with me in the way men get when they think they’re being sly ab their feelings for you#😭😭#he’s texting me a bunch lately too like ‘you just really inspire me to be the best version of myself i can be’#and ‘i had a really bad week and i just wanted to thank you for being so kind and funny and awesome’#mind you i didn’t do anything out of ordinary for him#mind you he’s my coworker!!!#i see him every day!!#i’m not stupid idk 😭 you complain ab your gf to me and the shower me in praise like pls stop im uncomfortable 😭😭#i’ve already told him i don’t really want this dynamic with a coworker and he kinda just continues and idk what to do anymore!#like we work closely on everything!#he sits directly beside me in the office!#BLAH#cielo rambles!
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This is time to be stronger.
#nct dream#lee jeno#jeno#nct#nctinc#nctzenart#*ambiv.art#itsnctsworld#useroro#meltracks#melontrack#hibiebear#raylook#megtag#<- literally only tagging meg bc it's a hockey concept#1.5 years late finally redrew this ! can u believe i've been meaning to since the day i posted the previous version#not sure if i need a new brush i am not completely satisfied with my current ones anymore :') but at least im getting stronger!!!#and faster!!! this one was ~2 hours :) i wasnt gonna draw tn but i had to do this to remind myself that#i do improve slowly over time.. and that i shouldnt colorpick my colors anymore 😩 and so today i finally didnt ! 😇 character growth
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I'm feeling suddenly really insecure about my Pokémon writing, so uh... Catch this snippet, I guess, tell me what y'all think.

bleh.
#pokemon#pokémon#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd eos#pmd explorers#pmd ocs#fanfiction#seriously i am feeling unnecessarily shit about my writing here for some reason#it's probably fine which is what bothers me#i mean atleast i don't have writer's block as hard anymore#it's just that i feel shit about myself generally recently#also Kaihō is in reference to an actual location in another branch of the HARMONIUM story#It's semi-important to my version of Pokémon?#It probably makes more sense if you're already friends with me tbh-
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My top 3 favorite Sonic characters at different times in my life
When I was a kid:
1. Tails
2. Knuckles
3. Sonic
As a teen:
1. Knuckles
2. Tails
3. Amy
In college:
1. Amy
2. Tails
3. Sonic
Now:
1. Tails
2. Sonic
3. Shadow
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#tails the fox#miles tails prower#shadow the hedgehog#knuckles the echidna#amy rose#I’ve just been thinking about#how my favorite characters have changed over time#and how they relate to different phases of my life#but yet the franchise has always been there#I loved Tails as a kid#but people made fun of me for it as a teen so I convinced myself Knuckles was my fave because I thought he was the coolest#then in college I was kinda in denial about my gender identity and throwing myself into anything and everything girly that I could stomach#I tried to find a version of femininity I could feel comfortable in#and Amy’s cute so I latched onto her#but honestly I think Tails was actually my favorite the whole time#I just didn’t want to admit it even to myself#but I’m in my 30s and I don’t care anymore about what other people think#and I know who I am now and I’m comfortable with myself#re embracing my love of Tails felt like re embracing my child self#my true self#and the older I get the more people try to tell me that Sonic in general is cringe#but I am long past caring about how ‘cringe’ I come across as
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consider this the closest you’ll ever get to knowing what I look like, and I only posted it because I thought screw it i won’t look like this for much longer





#i try very hard to post very little about myself and what I look like#i think I’ve only posted three drawings of me and they’re all low quality and show very little#this is the most I’ve ever shown and probably ever will#and as soon as the weather warms up it won’t even be accurate anymore#i wanted to post this with a non-descript version of me but it kept turning out cursed#so you get this version. very reluctantly#but alpheus continues to vex me#he has to be such a dramatic loser (non-bully) and he makes it MY problem#but he makes for good unreliable narration and fun monologues so he’s not all bad#the deep 2015#the deep cartoon#alpheus benthos
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"haha my autism is soooo quirky!!!! it makes me infodump and find special interests haha!" oh yeah my autism is so much fun when i am pulling my hair out crying in distress because i can't communicate after a day of being overstimulated. my autism is sooo much fun when im literally ripping my skin off because of textures touching me. it is so much fucking fun when i contemplate suicide for the 5th time that week because no one takes me seriously and no one understands the way i think after they know about my diagnosis and just treat me like a kid and put on their "for idiots" gloves. it is so much fun when my autism collaborates with my depression and deep rooted anxiety and ptsd to make me think of the most horrific shit i could do to other people, animals, and myself. it's so much fun when i can't get out of bed for the 7th time that month because the thought of it literally makes me sick.
but sure it's just the special little interests and flapping your hands when you get excited, right?
#STOP INFANTILIZING ME AND MY DIAGNOSIS!!!!!!! STOP PRETENDING IT'S THIS CUTE THING THAT HAS NO IMPACT WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!!#STOP TRYING TO MAKE AUTISM A “SUPERPOWER” OR WHAT FUCKING EVER#IT'S DEBILITATING#IT'S LIFE RUINING AT MOMENTS#IT'S DISTRESSING#FUCK YOU#sjonnie.text#like so many people would not hang out with me anymore if they'd see one of my breakdowns#just call me a r* at this point it's what you want to fucking do when you make stupid fucking posts saying autism isn't that bad#and i'm high functioning!!!!!!! i have the “high” intelligence version of autism!!!!!!!!! i have the i can care for myself “no issues” type!#i can't imagine what it's like for those with a worse kind of autism.
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Becoming yourself.
Young Friederick and Friederick now :)
#friederick#brain blorbo#i recently got asked for my ID at a bus ticket control and there is something incredible about realizing that i no longer#look like a [deadname] to people#that i am becoming myself#i kind of started T because well. why not. i wish i could look more like a man to people. but! i did not expect how much it also just#does for me. for feeling like i am. myself.#I'd argue there aren't even that many changes yet (#although it's nice that my voice is finally dropping#but just. KNOWING. knowing that i am turning into someone who is not [deadname] anymore!! like yes that was true before obviously but#for me it's just. i didn't expect hrt actually having that much of an effect on me like. emotional.#and yet.#anyway sorry for rambling it's way past my bedtime#and tbh being on T has made me think about versions of Friederick where he gets to do the same#and what it'd do with him#how much it might help him#looking at your OC like maybe we should medically transition together
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and its like really funny bc i feel like i only gained an appreciation for portal after everyone like. already has. like oh yeah. that classic game. that's just normal now. but I'm just sitting here like ITS NEW TO ME and its incredible but I feel like it's pointless to talk about what I like about it bc there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said 10 billion times over a decade ago
#portal spam#i also feel like its torture bc i don't even want to make fanart to express myself bc#i dont like drawing robots and hate it in fact 😭 i could just make a human version but then it straight up wouldnt be Glados anymore#and then what would be the point. anyway do know that my appreciation for her goes deeper than#what i have expressed its just i feel its unnecessary to elaborate
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