#versions of myself anymore
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the price of your mercy
#hi rmbr that wip from seven months ago . well here it is as done as it's gonna get bc i cant take it anymore 💯💯#where are my edward elric fans in the crowd part two#fmab fanart#fmab#fma#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist#edward elric#was gonna post this on oct 3 but didn't have enough timeeee srry guys :(#anime#fanart#the stream of consciousness in tags is so funny bc i'll be having a convo w myself#and then i'm like oh yeah i forgot that tag LMAOOZ#fma brotherhood#digital art#cw eyestrain#tw eyestrain#cw blood#do not ask me what the lighting is doing idk#i've been trying to finish this for seven hrs it's DONE okay#anyway red bg my fav#always does me right#hopefully u guys also like this arc as much as me#i have other versions of this to post but i cant decide which is my fav
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i'm me again... feels like it's been years...
#my art#flashing gif#flash warning#tw flashing#gif#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#digital art#made with toonsquid#oc art#just wanted to make a short clip for this audio but then inspo from a certain movie took hold..#don't know who exactly i feel like anymore but im trying harder to love every version of myself
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old frubbo comic from waaaaaaaay back in October that i never got around to finishing. remembered it existed from tubbo and tallulah’s mod talking about fred on tubbo’s stream today so uh happy pride or something i guess! frubbo yaoi be upon ye
#qsmp#deterg-art#tubbo qsmp#qsmp fanart#fred qsmp#tubbo#frubbo#mcytshipping#qsmpshipping#<- forever unsure if anyone actually has that blocked considering qsmp has a lot of canon ships but just in case#maybe i’ll make a properly colored version of this one day but its been so long its hard to make myself care bout this piece or ship anymor
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“Return my cross or else I’ll kiss you senseless.” “Guess I won’t be returning it then.”
I had to get it out of my system or else I will not know peace. XD Trigun Stampede has taken over my life and Vashwood just slapped me in the face. Print
#trigun stampede#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun#nicholas wolfwood#my art#some gays in the desert or something sdfadsfadsf#i was so passionate drawing wolfwood's cross only for me to blur it so there is some effect... i am a clown#why did i even bother with it in the first place? OTL#nicholas is staring at Vash's eyes while Vash is staring at Nichola's lips#coincidence? i think not#i wanted to do sunset so bad idk anymore AHHAHAHA#vash's bionic arm was so fun too colour a shame i had to add nico's cross. vash's bionic arm = your sacrifice was not in vain#*to#dios mio i cannot english#i actually forgot to add in wolfwood's stubble that i had a clean shaven version for myself AHHAHAHAHHAHA#i talk way too much in these tags nothing has changed since years way back
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Do you guys ever think that after Sal left Tommy would go to make a joke or tell him something or just look at him only to look over and see an empty chair. Do you ever think he started a sentence with “hey Sal-“ before realizing no one was going to answer him. Do you think Hen and Chimney looked at him with pity when he would sit alone at the kitchen island and eat by himself and try to ignore how much Tommy used to laugh at Sal’s dry sense of humor after a bad shift when Sal tried to cheer him up. Do you think Bobby saw how Tommy would look around for something before realizing with a pang of guilt he was looking for someone. Do you think Bobby slipped Tommy a flier for the LAFD Air Ops because he knew it would help Tommy and in a way knew his time at the 118 had ended long before they threw him a goodbye party. His time at the 118 had ended that day too just took longer for everyone to realize.
(More pain in the tags)
#To add insult to injury imagine one day tommy finds an old jacket that has Deluca embroidered on it#He holds it close to him before gently stuffing it into his locker realizing its one of the only things he has left of sal#And after a tough shift he would go to his locker and pull out the jacket and inhale the scent#because then at least he could pretend he wasnt alone anymore#At least for a second#hehe i love making myself sad#pushing the salommy agenda again#this time the sad version#tommy kinard#sal deluca#911 abc#sal deluca x tommy kinard#sal x tommy
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men love to try and tee me up for their next relationship while they’re still dating their current gf and i am never interested. NEVER.
#i don’t even fuck w men like that#mind you i’ve told this man that i am NOT INTERESTED in dating SEVERAL TIMES when he’s asked ab my romantic life#but he’s saying some suspicious ass stuff#like today he was like ‘yeah and it’s hard bc i’m starting have feelings for….this isn’t about anyone in particular….others outside#the relationship. and it’s making me feel guilty’#and i’m like hm. um. okay.#and he’s being weirdly cryptic with me in the way men get when they think they’re being sly ab their feelings for you#😭😭#he’s texting me a bunch lately too like ‘you just really inspire me to be the best version of myself i can be’#and ‘i had a really bad week and i just wanted to thank you for being so kind and funny and awesome’#mind you i didn’t do anything out of ordinary for him#mind you he’s my coworker!!!#i see him every day!!#i’m not stupid idk 😭 you complain ab your gf to me and the shower me in praise like pls stop im uncomfortable 😭😭#i’ve already told him i don’t really want this dynamic with a coworker and he kinda just continues and idk what to do anymore!#like we work closely on everything!#he sits directly beside me in the office!#BLAH#cielo rambles!
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This is time to be stronger.
#nct dream#lee jeno#jeno#nct#nctinc#nctzenart#*ambiv.art#itsnctsworld#useroro#meltracks#melontrack#hibiebear#raylook#megtag#<- literally only tagging meg bc it's a hockey concept#1.5 years late finally redrew this ! can u believe i've been meaning to since the day i posted the previous version#not sure if i need a new brush i am not completely satisfied with my current ones anymore :') but at least im getting stronger!!!#and faster!!! this one was ~2 hours :) i wasnt gonna draw tn but i had to do this to remind myself that#i do improve slowly over time.. and that i shouldnt colorpick my colors anymore 😩 and so today i finally didnt ! 😇 character growth
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I vaguely recall playing your game a few years ago and when I looked at your blog, I saw that it's undergoing a rewrite. Can I ask what's changed?
Compared to the old version, the only thing that's remained (roughly) the same is the prologue--the scene in which the main character ruminates about the past, pre-mindwipe, before being turned into a helvling by the Warden. Chapter one is entirely new, as is chapter two (which I'm currently writing), though they do both contain a few fan favourite throwbacks to the old demo.
The rough, overarching plot has not been changed. However, I did alter some of the characters' backstories to either streamline the story a bit more, or to merge them with some of the characters that were ultimately cut. I don't think it'll be that noticeable though, since most people never knew their (full) backstories in the first place. 😌
#hence shea and elexis not knowing each other anymore in the revised version for example#on a somewhat related note I passed the original demo's wordcount this morning! 🥳#just a silly goal I set myself but it did feel good :-)#asks
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no one told me how isolating unmasking would be
#and its certainly...something#like i dont regret it#i dont wanna masking to be my default and i dont wanna be in pain or uncomfortable anymore#but realizing that the ppl in my life have never been exposed to the real unmasked version of me#and finding that most of them dont like that version#well its kinda heartbreaking#and dont get me wrong i do love my alone time#but im also so terribly lonely at the same time#and dont know hoe to fix it bc for most ppl relationships depending on the going out aspect#and lots of that stuff is painful for me and im trying to not force myself to do#so im just left on my own#just wasnt ready for how terrible this would be even tho its also great#autism#ry rambles#probably will delete later
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My top 3 favorite Sonic characters at different times in my life
When I was a kid:
1. Tails
2. Knuckles
3. Sonic
As a teen:
1. Knuckles
2. Tails
3. Amy
In college:
1. Amy
2. Tails
3. Sonic
Now:
1. Tails
2. Sonic
3. Shadow
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#tails the fox#miles tails prower#shadow the hedgehog#knuckles the echidna#amy rose#I’ve just been thinking about#how my favorite characters have changed over time#and how they relate to different phases of my life#but yet the franchise has always been there#I loved Tails as a kid#but people made fun of me for it as a teen so I convinced myself Knuckles was my fave because I thought he was the coolest#then in college I was kinda in denial about my gender identity and throwing myself into anything and everything girly that I could stomach#I tried to find a version of femininity I could feel comfortable in#and Amy’s cute so I latched onto her#but honestly I think Tails was actually my favorite the whole time#I just didn’t want to admit it even to myself#but I’m in my 30s and I don’t care anymore about what other people think#and I know who I am now and I’m comfortable with myself#re embracing my love of Tails felt like re embracing my child self#my true self#and the older I get the more people try to tell me that Sonic in general is cringe#but I am long past caring about how ‘cringe’ I come across as
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Au where Hal takes over the tiaratop until he can undo the mind control over Jane. Transfem Hal. Mobius double genderbend. You understand and agree
i dont remember it 100% so correct me if im wrong but wasnt there another ai inside the tiaratop already? if so, imagine the power struggle between the tiaratop ai and hal, one programmed to maintain control over jane at all cost, the other desperately trying to free their friend
also tranfem hal is such a fascinating concept to me im munching on it so much
#homestuck#jane crocker#lil hal#ask#any flavor of hal that decides to not identify as a dude is just MHHH#i like it/its hal or genderfluid hal personally#its fun to think about through the lense of dirk bc what would that do to this guys brain#like its a copy of his brain. its literally a version of him. but somehow their paths divided so much one completely change how they present#themselves. where the similarities begin and where they end? if he took one different turn in his life would he end up in the same spot?#or maybe they simply arent the same person anymore. same hardware different software type of shit#if you hc dirk as trans guy like myself it just gets even more interesting to think about. man
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So I started watching something today
#my art stuff#digital art#screenshot redraw#was gonna redraw the BG by hand but I’m learning to be kind to myself#work smarter not harder#I feel bad I haven’t shared enough art - it’s all just felt “not good enough” or whatever#and I’ve generally just been in a bad place energy-wise since may started#But hopefully I can get back to drawing without these risiculous expectations od perfection weighing me down anymore#bg3#raphael#tav#durge#tiefling#tiefling tav#tiefling durge#us#campfire cooking in another world with my absurd skill#fel#sui#tsuyoshi mukouda#uncle raphael forever#was gonna do an Astarion version as well but I’m tired and I want to go back to playing Oblivion
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the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?
to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.
#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they#already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that.#but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did.#and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe.#but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people.#a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part?#but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt.#anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here#theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never#escape.#i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord.#but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s#physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering…#but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong#its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know?#i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond#their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!!#what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly*#human!!!#enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one.#does that make sense?
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On my fetch quest to retrieve Xander's assigned color from the DRDT Demo Video, I noticed something interesting-- where everybody stands in the Class Trial totally changed between the demo video and now???
Here's where everybody stood in the Class Trial during the demo:
(ignore the colors, they have no meaning) And here's where everybody canonically stands:
Like I said, almost completely different. Here are a couple of my observations that I thought were most interesting:
Teruko and Eden are the only characters who stayed in the same location. Teruko always stood in front of MonoTV, and Eden was always to her right.
Arei and Hu always stood next to each other.
Veronika and Levi always stood next to each other, although they flipped which order they were standing in.
Originally, Xander was in the position opposite the circle from Teruko. Now, that's where David stands.
I have no idea what any of this might mean, and it might be completely arbitrary. Still, it's interesting what might have been going through the creator's head when they originally chose the demo placements, and then when those placements changed.
#danganronpa despair time#drdt#drdt spoilers#<- for the sprites used in the second picture. i keep doing this to myself#fanganronpa#another observation is-- poor rose!! she got bracketed by maniacs in the real version#arturo and david on one side and ace and nico on the other is not where you want to be#also REJOICE!!! i finally have the ability to add image ids and text colors on my computer!#i don't have to go on to my fucking ipad to type in all the image ids anymore! it's so much faster!#i do wish i had the ability to add color when i was making my color theory but eh... since you only get like 8 options it's meh#idk what else to tag this as i don't really want to clog the character tags#my theories
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my hot take of the day is that breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom are not adaptable into any other format. by doing so, you'd lose a huge part of both games which is exploration. if you follow a predetermined narrative, it's a different formula. a huge point of botw was that you could do the main story in whatever order you want. hell, you could even not do the main story if you really wanted to. the any% speedrun is like 25 minutes because you can just. go to the final boss. and totk is bigger, but it's not much different. you can't adapt that freedom of exploration and choice into another format in a way that really matters.
#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#tears of the kingdom#like yeah there's a TON of fanfiction for both games#but that all hits different because it's narrative-driven. because it's the written word#there's no freedom of choice in reading a fanfiction or book or watching a movie#like yes there are interactive movies and books but even then that's limited#usually to a couple choices at a time and each choice having a predetermined outcome#and each choice taking you further into the narrative#with botw/totk you get a lot of the story and lore by just. exploring#i mean totk has this side quest where you find markers that tell stories of the past#there are historians all over the map in both games who will freely tell you about the land#there are link's memories in botw and the dragon's tears in totk#that are sort of meant to be done out of order so that the context of the story is revealed slowly#(that's something i'm enjoying about resident evil revelations 2 but it has a different format)#(i like slow reveals of the story before it reaches a climax at some point)#i think botw/totk would be rather boring as a movie/tv series adaptation#i even bored myself trying to write a version of botw (i forget the word now)#because a lot of it is really just. walking around. getting distracted and finding new things#it REWARDS that even#idk what my point is anymore
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Started to see if I can find a copy of Unraveled, then realized I simply don’t care anymore. Six years ago I couldn’t wait for the November kotlc release, but now… yeah I’m good.
#maybe if I get curious I’ll revisit them#but probably once the whole things finally complete#so my inner child knows what happened to those kids I liked to read about#no hate for Shannon but this series was meant for a version of me that ain’t there anymore#I just can’t make myself care anymore#and if I do care#it’s mostly about how bad the books are and how I can’t believe I liked them so much#anyways#so long kotlc#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#long book series#this was very liberating to realize you guys don’t understand
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